#wow this was LONGER than i intended

[starrystevie]

it was all supposed to be a dumb joke.

the boys had been sitting around after rehearsal one night passing a bowl and more than a few beers, laughing about how unsuccessful the newest music based social media app would be. mere seconds of songs looping over and over with other songs mixed in would never work, especially for corroded coffin where the story, the buildup of their songs was part of the reason to listen.

it all started with jeff, grinning slowly ear to ear. "what if were to get in there and take some celebrity's name for a user name? like paris hilton or something."

then it moved to gareth, who paused with a scrunched up face. "dude, paris hilton? what the fuck kind of reference is that..."

then it was over to greg, choking on a smoke-laced laugh. "yeah, it'd be funnier if it was eddie's pop prince loverboy instead."

that got everyone's attention. eddie had protested to ears that didn't want to hear it as they cackled in their studio that they rented by the hour, bent over in their rolling chairs, leaning against the side of the mixing board for support.

"loverboy?! you know i can't stand steve harrington and his bullshit lyrics, what the fuck kind of suggestion is that..."

but come the next day, when the weed had left his system and his veins were alcohol-free, eddie stared at the mixr app home screen and the blinking red circle over his inbox with disdain after successfully acquiring a user name he never would have picked for himself.

'steveharrington', eddie's account says, along with an icon of himself and his tongue out.

if it hadn't been for being less than sober when the app dropped. if it hadn't been for his best friends egging him on with taunts and jeers and kissy noises and less than sincere dreamy calls of 'oh steve' in the background. if it hadn't been for the way that eddie secretly did think about a certain head of floppy hair and soft brown eyes and shoulders littered with constellations.

if it hadn't been for all of that he wouldn't have had the chance to have his celebrity crush, the steve harrington, in his inbox at 8am on a random tuesday morning.

"good morning!" the message says simply enough. eddie stares at the words, trying to process what they mean, looking at the verified username of 'steveharrington1' next to an icon of his most recent album along with it. his inbox is flooded with people all asking him random things, thinking he's the real steve harrington, but this one verified account has him shaking.

for all that eddie is, all big hair and black jeans and skull rings and leather, he's still a man. a man who can look at a pop star, annoying as their music may be, and see charm. he can see attractiveness. he can see that smile that steve harrington has perfected behind his eyelids and he can see them strolling off into the sunset together hand in hand and he can see steve all flushed and breathing heavily underneath him on a mountain of plush pillows and he can see-

the message pings again with a new addition. "i know this seems weird and my team advised against it but i'd really like your user name of... well, my name."

eddie blinks slowly. he pictures steve maybe laying in bed, maybe sitting at the breakfast table with a cup of coffee, with his phone in his hand as he types out a message to him. to think that steve has any idea about him existing on any sort of level is doing his head in. his heartbeat races a little faster as he types back with shaky hands and a pit in his stomach.

"is this real?" is all he can type out, leaning against the kitchen counter as he waits for his coffee to brew.

three dots pull up on the app screen before disappearing and eddie pulls his lip in between his teeth to focus his energy elsewhere. he tears his eyes away from his phone and looks out the window to watch the people out for their morning walks. he's just about to the point where he thinks about maybe taking up walking if nothing else to get all the pent up energy out of him when the app dings again. as he looks back, his heart sinks to the bottom of his stomach.

it's a photo of steve that can't have been released before. he's sitting outside in bright sunshine with sunglasses on, tousled hair and grin on his face. he's holding his hand up in a thumbs up and eddie can see the remnants of cream cheese on the side of his index finger.

he sucks in a stuttering breath through his teeth, trying to force his lungs to breath again. the dots pop up on screen once more and the message that comes through is instantaneous.

"real enough for you?" it reads. and then an additional message is tacked on. "need me to hold up a newspaper with the date on it?"

there's a winky face that follows and it feels fake even though it's very real. this whole morning feels wrong, unreal. he's just eddie munson, some singer in some halfway popular band in some kind of shitty neighborhood in los angeles that just happens to have not just some pop star in his dms. this doesn't happen to him.

"why did your team tell you not to message me? does my reputation precede me?"

eddie pulls his hand up to his mouth to bite at the side of his fingernail, watching the screen with rapt attention and waiting for the typing dots to disappear.

"according to this account your name is steve harrington and yes, i'd say his reputation does precede him."

eddie barks out a laugh, not exactly expecting that.

he didn't know what he was expecting out of any of this. he thought that it might help get the corroded coffin name out more if he got tangled up somehow with the steve harrington name. spark a little bit of drama to boost their visibility. but now here he is, talking to the man himself, cracking jokes and trying not to hyperventilate.

"how were you able to get this name so fast anyway? my team was on it right when the app dropped last night."

"i had the power of bandmates and weed on my side," he types back, side of his mouth quirking up into a smile.

"oh so you're a musician? maybe i should be looking into your reputation then, mystery person."

eddie pauses and thinks about every option. he is semi-known in the metal scene, his outlandish stunts on stage and political speeches at shows that garner them becoming an almost brand for him. if he tells steve who he is, would he know? care? run away from the scary guy who may or may not use stage blood in every music video?

but the thing is, he's not a scary guy and he never has been. he might be a little intimidating and he guesses that's the armor he puts on everyday after being bullied in school but it's not an accurate showing of who he is. eddie is sweet, funny, kind of smart in that has random fun facts about dungeons and dragons kind of way.

and he wants the steve harrington to know that guy.

eddie flips over at his middle so his head is nearly touching the floor and ruffles his hair, giving it volume and calming down the frizz that comes from sleep. he shakes it out of his face once he's upright and grabs his garfield coffee mug if only to have something to do with his hands. grabbing his phone off the counter, he opens the camera option in their message thread and snaps a quick picture of himself grinning, mug next to his face with a matching cat-like smirk. he nervously presses send before he can even think about all the flaws with it.

"eddie munson at your service," is what he types out with a saluting emoji and a muttered prayer to whoever would listen to him that things don't end horribly.

it's not like he's expecting to sweep steve off his feet. he knows that steve has picture perfect partners, he sees enough internet news to know that gruff and dark isn't the kind of guy he normally goes for. but he looks back at the photo he sent and hopes that steve sees the kindness in his eyes, the scruff on his jawline that makes it look just the smallest bit chiseled, the whimsy and life that he embodies that comes from a tacky coffee cup.

there isn't an automatic answer and it makes whatever hope eddie has floating around his system falter. ''at this point you've probably searched me and i can reassure you, i'm not actually a vampire like google seems to think i am."

"holy shit."

it's short, two words followed by typing dots that disappear, reappear, disappear once more before reappearing for the last time.

"would you believe me if i told you that i am huge fan??"

choking on coffee hurts, eddie finds out. he coughs as the hot liquid goes down the wrong pipe and concentrates on the messages once he gets his bearings back. steve, the steve harrington, a fan of his? it's a prank, it has to be, there is no way that steve harrington-

"one of my exes took me to your show at the bowl and it quite possibly changed my life. you gave that speech about the pipeline before the encore and i went home and bought every single one of your albums that same night."

he's dead. the papers will read 'eddie munson found dead in his home in a ratty metallica shirt holding onto a garfield coffee mug and cellphone open to a chat where steve harrington tells him he's a fan of his work'. it's the only way that this is possibly happening. he's died and gone to whatever fucked up version of heaven has him still living in his shitty la apartment.

"are you fucking kidding me?" is what he types back, slamming his coffee mug onto the counter to have access to both hands. "you've heard my stuff?"

and then it happens, like out of a shitty teenage rom-com, his phone is lighting up with an in-app call from steve harrington. the steve harrington. careful not to drop his phone in his hurried movements, he presses accept faster than he thinks his fingers have every worked.

"hello?" he questions into the phone and there's no hello back, just steve apparently freaking out as much as he is.

"i hope this is okay," he says and god, does his voice sound wonderful over the phone like this. "but it's faster and i have too many things to say that typing it all out would be stupid."

eddie grins and his feet tap against the ground like an excited kid. "it's fine, i uhm... i get it. god, this is weird."

steve hums in agreement before laughing. and oh, that laugh. it has eddie floating up to cloud nine, heart thumping painfully in his chest, butterflies beating their wings wildly in his stomach.

"yeah, it's definitely not how i expected this morning to go. talking to eddie munson, wow."

"sure," eddie snorts, "you talk to celebrities all the time, i'm sure this is small fish for you."

he hears steve laugh again, soft and gentle, like it's meant just for eddie. "i might talk to celebrities all the times but not ones that i have posters on my wall of like a pre-teen. i'm properly geeking out right now."

eddie short circuits. that's the only way to explain the way his body shuts down as he slumps into an armchair in the living room.

"you, steve harrington, have posters of me on your bedroom wall?" eddie's mouth feels dry as he talks and regrets making coffee at all because he's wide awake now and feels jittery.

"well okay, to be fair, it's of the whole band and it's in my studio but you are shirtless so i contemplated putting it in my bedroom." something shifts on the other end of the line and it sounds like steve sitting down. there's birds chirping in the background and eddie closes his eyes to picture himself sitting with steve on a patio instead of in his dingy apartment.

"you're gonna give me big head, pretty boy." the pet name slips out before he can stop it and the pitch of his voice lowering is out of his control. eddie can't be held responsible for his actions at 8am especially when he's flirting over the phone with his celebrity crush.

"pretty boy, hmm?" steve murmurs back. "so does that mean you have posters of me too?"

the timbre of his voice shoots from eddie's ears all the way down to his toes, lighting his veins on fire as it travels down his body. the hopeful part of his brain supplies an image of steve smirking, relaxing in a pool chair outside of what must be a mansion, phone in one hand and cup of coffee in the other. it could be domestic, if eddie thinks about it hard enough. if he wants it enough.

and god, does he want that. domestic bliss with steve harrington.

"well i wouldn't exactly call picturing you in my dreams every night posters, but it's close enough i guess."

it's gutsy, it's brash, it's too forward for a tuesday morning but steve started it. he hears a shaky exhale on the other end of the line and lets out a chuckle. it feels like they're playing chess and there's no clear cut winner quite yet but if the match ends in a tie, eddie can't exactly say he'd be upset about it.

"i tell you what," steve says in an almost airy voice. "in exchange for giving me my user name, i'll give you my number and you can use it to see me in something other than your dreams tonight."

"...are you bribing me, harrington?"

"is it working?"

eddie takes in a deep breath and thinks about what possible plans he could have with the username 'steveharrington' that would amount to something better than taking the man himself out on a date with his phone number saved as a contact in his phone. he'd put a heart next to it and everything.

"of course it is."

the call drops away and it's quick enough for eddie to think everything that happened in the last 30 minutes could have been a fever dream but then there's three dots on the message thread and his hopeful heart starts to kick back into gear.

"213-555-5469. let me know when you've given up that username and i'll let you know when to pick me up. it's a win-win all around. turns out we each get to go a date with our celebrity crushes, how lucky is that?"

it's signed with a kissing face emoji and eddie's glad that he's sitting down when the last picture steve sends comes through. he's grinning in a way eddie's never seen before, blush high on his cheeks, sweaty shoulders and collarbones and pecs glinting in the early morning sun, and eddie thinks it's probably too early to be in love with someone but he's well on his way.

he texts the number he's sent without hesitation and without shaking hands this time. he signs the message with a black heart like it's a signature of it's own.

"lucky indeed."

#wow this got SO much longer than intended why does this always happen why can i not just shut up #anyway i've been trying to figure out how to write this for a week so enjoy #steddie #steddie drabble #steddie fic #steve harrington #eddie munson #my writing #steddie headcanon #popstar steve harrington #rockstar eddie munson #modern au

[tranakin-skywalker]

*sits down n snatches a french fry off ur plate* tell me more about groundwater

Ok so, consider this:

You're Darth Vader. You've just saved the life of your son on the Death Star pt II Electric Boogaloo, and have died from electricity induced heart failure/your shitty body finally giving out on you.

You expect to become one with the Force if you're lucky- maybe find yourself in some sort of Hell if you're not.

Instead you find yourself standing over a woman who looks painfully familiar but you can't place- holding a baby who won't stop staring at you. The baby too seems strangly familiar and for one heart-stopping moment you think Luke!

Then you look closer, and realize the woman is your mother- younger than you've ever remembered her. And that means the baby must be...

Then you realize that you don't have a body anymore. Not really. You're burning without heat in a blue fire that doesn't catch- nova bright and yet the only living thing around you that seems able to see you is the infant version of the person you used to be.

You try to flee, and realize you can't. You don't even make it out of the building before something stops you from moving, and you realize you're bound to this boy and his mother, and that this might be Hell after all.

Or

You're Anakin, and all your life you've been followed by this strange spirit. Sometimes it looks like a man, sometimes it looks like an animal, sometimes it's a suit of armor or a burning corspe or an imploding star or a black hole.

All you know is that it's angry, and also very very sad. You wonder why it's trapped here, if maybe it's cursed, or maybe it just can't move on.

You're the only one who can see it.

It doesn't talk- sometimes doesn't even look like it's aware of where it is. But it follows you. And it protects you and your mother.

Other people might not be able to see it, but they can feel it. And it keeps the worst of them away from you and your mother.

Then the Jedi come and take you away. You hope that the spirit will stay on Tatooine and protect your mother, but it follows you instead. It's never spoken to you (or if it has, you've never been able to understand it), but you think it wishes it could stay with her too.

None of the Jedi can see the spirit either, but it can see them. You don't think it likes the Jedi very much.

It's with you as you learn how to be a Jedi, and you realize that some of the things the Jedi teach you, you already knew. Obi-Wan tells you you're a natural with a training saber, and you don't tell him it's because you feel like you've already learned all this before.

You're spirit hates Chancellor Palpatine, and that makes you nervous.

You're fourteen when the dreams start. They're hazy, and hard to explain, but they wake you up in a cold sweat and leave you with a feeling of impending doom. Something bad is going to happen. You don't know what.

You tell Obi-Wan about them, but the advice he gives you is useless.

The dreams get worse.

You start seeing your mother in them. You see her die in your arms.

You beg Obi-Wan for the chance to go see her, to make sure she's alright. He tells you it's a lot more complicated than just hopping in a ahip and going to Tatooine. That they can't just run off without authorization. That he’s sure your mother is fine.

That night you wake up to the spirit crouched over you in your bed, a face half melted off with bones and wires poking through the char, a living funeral pye with a mouth made of void.

"Your mother is going to die" it tells you, and you believe it.

You take the saber you built with your own hands and cut off your padawan braid, leave it with a note for Obi-Wan to find. You steal a ship, and set coordinates for Tatooine.

You're going to save your mother.

Or

You are Obi-Wan Kenobi, and you woke up one morning to find your entire world has ended. There is a note on the kitchen counter, and beside it, a burnt, braided lock of hair. You already know what the note is going to say. You have to read it three times anyway.

You chase after your padawan, because if anything happens to him, you will never forgive yourself. You can't leave immediately, you're not allowed to. There’s process, and procedure, and though the Council is understanding, they won't let you just go gallivanting off to the outer rim. (Like your padawan did, you hear in the pointed silences). They assure you that Anakin is smart and resourcful and that you have trained him well, that he'll be fine.

You want to scream at them.

When you do finally leave, it is far far later than you would have liked, but you have a place to start looking at least. Tatooine. Mos Espa. A junk dealer named Watto.

It takes you much too long to find the shop, and seeing it for the first time, it hits you- this is the place your padawan grew up. This is where he was owned. Then you meet Watto, the one who owned him.

You ask about Shmi Skywalker, and Watto tells you that he sold her. He refuses to tell you who he sold her to. You ask him about Anakin, and he squints his eyes at you, and tells you he hasn't seen the boy since he lost him in a bet five years ago. In the Force, you can't tell if he’s lying or telling the truth.

You spend almost a month on Tatooine, looking for your padawan. You never find him.

Eventually, you are forced to return to the Temple, though you tell yourself it is only temporary. You're never going to stop looking.

And you don't. Every chance you get, you are searching for Anakin. All your friends too, when out on missions, keep their eyes out. None of you ever find anything.

Then, two years after your padawan disapeared in the night- you feel your bond to Anakin snap.

It is the most painful thing you have felt in your life. You realize, one heartbreak at a time, what that means.

You stop looking after that.

Then-

Footage is released of an uprising on Tatooine. Jabba the Hutt is dead. His executioner is a Sith.

You realize who killed Anakin.

You want to be one of the Jedi sent to Tatooine to investigate. You killed a Sith before, after all, you can do it again. The Council does not allow you to go. They send Quinlan and Aayla instead.

Before he leaves, Quin makes a promise to you. "I'll find out what happened to him."

While they are gone, more planets revolt, more footage leaks. You see that Sith, in that horrible, monsterous mask, that red blade. You see other masked beings, with their own blades. Colors you have never seen on a lightsaber before.

The Outer Rim is buckling, or maybe- it is transforming. Nal Hutta is razed, and slave worlds are liberated. There are reports of a fleet, and army. Every day it grows bigger. Like a spreading infection.

(Or maybe, you think- remembering that junk shop and things like ownership- maybe it’s something like hope.)

There are planets talking of seceding, of forming their own government. That talk has been going for years now, but something about this, about the unrest in the Outer Rim has made it a roar.

There is talk of war.

And all the while, more and more planets in the Rim go dark. The Freed Worlds, they call themselves, who want nothing to do with the Republic or this new Confederacy. The Republic and the Confederacy both feel threatened by them all the same.

Quinlan and Aayla and the other Jedi sent out return. They find very little, if anything at all. "We weren't allowed to get close. They didn't trust us. Any of us," Quin explains. "Somehow they knew."

The Republic reaches out to the Freed Worlds for a peace talk. They don't want a war on two fronts. Only, you think, some of them do.

The Freed Worlds agree, tenatively, but they agree, and send representatives to Coruscant. They don't seem aware that their arrival coincides with a vote on whether or not the Republic will form in army.

You are there when the representatives arrive at the Senate Dome, a bizarre collection of species and ages and appearances, none of them looking anything like the senators you know. They follow behind a young man, too young you think. Then you get a closer look at him, and your world ends and begins all over again.

"Anakin?"

#wow this got a lot longer than i intended #pardon any mistakes i wrote this on my phone at work #fic: groundwater #im leaving. a LOT of things out plot-wise #but heres a little taste

[delta-orionis]

I'm replaying SOMA currently and I've been taking note of things I find interesting and/or funny. I will probably make a big masterpost of my favorite notes when I'm done, but for now...

One of the funniest things I noticed so far is that Dr. Munshi is not a doctor. He mentions to Simon that he's still in the process of getting his doctorate, so he's not a doctor in that sense, but also he's getting his degree in computer science, not medicine. I doubt he's even been to medical school.

Munshi's colleague, Paul Berg, is a medical doctor, a neuroscientist to be exact, which makes him a lot more appropriate to be the one administering Simon's brain scan, but he's conveniently out of the office on the day Simon shows up. Which makes it even more shady that Munshi is the one doing Simon's brain scan.

Munshi's office has very shady vibes throughout. It's half finished, there's no receptionist, Munshi won't answer his phone, and Simon has to basically break in to gain access. This is compounded by the fact that, if you snoop around, there's also a loose syringe just laying around in the server room nearby, which also makes Munshi appear even more unprofessional. He even warns Simon about the needles. That can't be proper medical procedure.

I do think Simon breaking in is an interesting bit of character development, because it shows that Simon is willing to snoop around and do a bit of problem solving to get what he needs. He's resourceful, and he continues to show this throughout the rest of the game (even if he is a bit slow on the uptake at times, he is a fish out of metaphorical water after all).

All this is to say that Munshi's office does a very good job at portraying him as a smart guy who also doesn't appear to care about safety that much. (He's not even worried about the huge security risk presented by Simon easily being able to break into his lab). The cherry on top is the fact that Munshi's seemingly innocent scan is the reason why Simon got in the whole Pathos-II mess in the first place. Maybe Munshi isn't shady on purpose, but I do think he should have a chat with an ethics board at the very least.

#this ended up being longer than I intended wow #enjoy my disorganized soma thoughts #might make more analysis posts like this. we'll see #soma #soma game #personal #soma replay

[scarperseus]

I was reading some research about split brain patients, or people who have had the connection of the brain hemispheres (or corpus callosum) severed, leaving the two halves unable to communicate. And of course I immediately thought of Jekyll and Hyde.

Now I am one to know very well that J&H are not split personalities nor "brain sides", but the similarities are so neat I don't see why I couldn't dive in a little deeper into representation. I know this has most likely been looked into before as them being the two brain sides, but I wonder if ever in a much more real life situation like in split brain patients, (their experiments are trippy, I recommend watching them), not just in a hypothetical sense.

As Hyde representing the right brain, it definitely works as a really good "villain origin story". Since that hemisphere does not have the ability to speak, when working and connected with the left brain it is forced to submit to the more "analytical and reasoning" side. When Hyde is set free, he now has a voice and a freedom in what to do, where now the left brain has to submit (hence Jekyll not being able to change back since reasoning isn't priority, only want). That feeling is intoxicating for one who's never known it.

The right brain is primarily used for senses, identification, etc., so Hyde only cares about chasing his desires. Now able to figure out things for himself, without having to do whatever the left brain says, anything is possible. That feeling of unexplainable actions is very obvious in split brain patients (the left hand, controlled by the right brain, draws something that the left brain doesn't know the reason for) where the horror of this story being a possibility is much more conceivable.

So, who really are you? Or was Stevenson right and you.. were always really two?

#wow this post was a lot longer and went off on a tangent than I intended it to #I'll be shocked if anyone puts the time to read this #I'd be flattered really #I love connecting real science with hypothetical stuff #Again watch/read about split brain patients its really really cool #Its crazy to apply this to yourself as well #Like geez how.. How does your brain work? who are you? WHICH is you? #yes its nighttime if anyone was wondering if you couldn't tell #overthinking things #jekyll and hyde #dr jekyll and mr hyde #the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde #⭑𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐟𝐟⭑

[asimplearchivist]

do you ever think about the fact that Grovyle was possibly and most likely in denial about the fact that he had already permanently lost the hero?

(putting the rest under a read more because I snowballed)

because even though in the future he tells Dusknoir that his partner is still in the past out there somewhere and that they would still go after the time gears and even though it’s most definitely a bluff (that gets immediately debunked by Dusknoir revealing that the hero was right there the whole time) he still had to realize that he hadn’t come across any traces of the hero.

right?

because he wouldn’t have had any idea that amnesia would have come into play after they got separated and he would’ve been looking for and waiting to bump into the hero while traveling to gather each time gear and I can only imagine him hoping that he’d find the place already frozen and empty to indicate that the hero had at least already passed through and been there already even if he hadn’t seen them and couldn’t find them but did he realize that by the time he got to Crystal Cave’s time gear that the hero had just disappeared seemingly off the face of the earth and did he start to lose hope that he’d ever see them again and was he simply refusing to believe the possibility that he might have lost them without ever knowing where they went or what happened to them?

and then he gets his ass beat by this random Exploration Team and then Dusknoir who he’d thought he’d managed to avoid so far shows up and then he gets captured and then he almost gets killed multiple times and then he has to help this random ass team out of the future back to their time and not really thinking about it too deeply because he’s got more important things on his mind because he’s got to get back to the past and get the time gears and prevent the planet’s paralysis

and he’s so distracted and caught up in his mission like it’s the only thing he has left holding him together to the point that he’s competent oblivious to Celebi and then everything goes even more to shit and they’re cornered and blocked off from the Passage of Time and Primal Dialga shows up and Grovyle’s faltering wavering resolve finally cracks and shatters and his last potentially dying hope is that his partner is still out there somewhere because that’s all he has left to hold on to and he boasts on their behalf believing with his whole heart that they couldn’t fail

and then all of a sudden Dusknoir of all Pokemon pipes up and elects to inform him at that exact inoppurtune moment that Grovyle’s long lost partner had been right there under his nose the entire time and that Dusknoir had turned them against him and that Grovyle had grievously wounded them completely ignorant to the fact that they no longer knew him no longer recognized him and now has a partner whom their Dimensional Scream works so much better with

and then all of a sudden he has hope again but it’s so small and fragile because how in the hell are you all supposed to get out of this and your new partner comes up with a plan even Grovyle couldn’t in the heat and intensity of the moment after he’s so drained from running and running and running all by himself being accused of being a criminal being chased and hunted and attacked because he’s running out of time

and then by some miracle you three make it back in one piece and then you’re there you’re alive but you’ve lost everything you once had all your knowledge and memories and willpower to accomplish your suicide mission and even though it hurts indescribably to realize that things will most likely never be the same never be like it used to be and never again would you even look at or speak to him the same way he still has you

and now he’s determined never to let you go again you’ll have him until the life is pried from his body and he’s just so so so relieved that he can hardly stand it because now he can afford to admit to himself that he had been terrified that he’d lost you and had already started to grieve you before your time but then he has to leave you with your new better trusted partner to make sure Dusknoir couldn’t stop your plans

and even though he’s telling you “though the parting hurts” meaning you’ll have to make the decision to sacrifice yourself for the greater good at the expense of leaving your new partner all alone he also means “this wasn’t how this was supposed to go I was supposed to be there with you I didn’t want to be alone I never ever thought I’d lose you so but we’ll lose so much more if I don’t do this if we don’t do this and I’m sorry that it all had to end like this”

and then he goes through everything else fighting until his last breath trying to help you as much as he can even though he’s deceived and almost dies the closest he’s ever been and he cannot fathom the stakes at which everything rides in the balance but then the winds start to blow and the ice starts to drip and the sun starts to rise and he’s done it you’ve done it everything isn’t lost and at the very least he’s not alone while he fades into nothingness

but as he’s brought inexplicably back from the brink by ‘a higher power’ and his first thought is that same hope flooding back that he’d get to see you again that you’re still alive that you’ve both survived despite the improbable odds set against you and the hope you summon in him is so palpable you inspire it in every single person around you and you hold so much power without even realizing it and how could he ever forget you when you mean so much to him?

do you ever think about that? no? because I do. every waking second of every damn day this wood gecko haunts my thoughts.

#this got way longer than I intended #wow #whoops #pokemon #pmd #pokemon mystery dungeon #eos #pmd eos #explorers of sky #pokemon mystery dungeon explorers #pmd2 #pmd 2 #grovyle #meta #long post #mine #fisara’s scrawlings

[defectivehero]

Heyy!! Just wanted to ask: Do you have any tips for writing fight scenes? I kinda struggle with it

(if you see the same ask somewhere else it's because i asked a few people lol)

helloooo! i'm far from an expert, but here are some tips that first came to my mind: 

[and, of course, don't feel pressured to do any or all of these things! write whatever you want]

focus on the little details—look at the setting. where are the two characters fighting? is it urban or rural? are they on a busy street, with lots of passerby or a deserted alleyway? what is in their immediate vicinity that can enhance the scene? perhaps there's a discarded bottle lying on the ground that one of the characters can grab in a spontaneous movement and throw at their opponent. the environment is incredibly important, because it can have a huge impact on the fight itself! after all, people will fight differently depending on the setting. if a villain is fighting a hero in a tight space, their movements are going to be different than if they were in a wide open space with freedom to move however they desire.

character. descriptions. CHARACTER. DESCRIPTIONS. I cannot stress this enough. without at least some descriptions, it'll sound monotonous. 'he hits them, then they dodge' blah blah blah. that's boring! spice it up a bit! what does the person's opponent look like? is their stance low to the ground? do they look more guarded than usual? perhaps there's a strange expression on their face or a gleam in their eyes. hell, maybe there's dirt, grime, or blood on their clothes. those simple things will further cement your characters and also keep the audience's interest as you move through the scene. plus, they're awesome for foreshadowing.

don't be afraid to break things up. a fight scene shouldn't be 100% fast-paced, otherwise the readers will be left feeling confused and things will progress too fast! when you really think about it, the majority of fight scenes are not filled with constant hits, punches, and kicks without a moment for a breather. personally, I'm very weak to the moment where the two characters will break apart and circle around each other, breathing hard. that kind of stuff will make things even more hard hitting. don't be afraid to include dialogue, either! dialogue really enhances a fight scene, in my opinion. [and yes, sometimes dialogue isn't practical. but even a simple hissed remark or muttered insult can go a long way!]

lastly, don't force it. that is going to sound stupid, but... if you're dreading the idea of writing a long ass fight scene... think about some alternatives to that! i kind of get stuck in this mindset sometimes of: 'oh, this needs at least three paragraphs of solid action & back and forth fighting.' I've definitely gotten into situations where a piece will be sitting in my drafts for MONTHS just because I can't get through one particular portion of it. at that point, I can't help but think: 'Why bother?' I really do think that, if I don't enjoy writing something, it will show. so keep that in mind as you write! writing what you want to write > writing what the story necessitates.

sorry if this doesn't make sense.. but these are just some things that work for me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#wow this turned out to be longer than I intended #oopsie hehe #defectivehero #writing #hero x villain #hero and villain #writing tips #idk #writeblr #writers on tumblr #yuh #gah I gotta post something on this account lol

[changingplumbob]

Random Ramblings

If this is somehow even more long winded than I normally am (yeah it's long), it's because I'm going through an IBS flare up that is kicking my butt.

BUT I wanted to get my thoughts out about some of my content warnings, because I'm very tired and have been shoving the same one in front of my Reece/Samir parts even if they might not reflect that particular part because I'm too tired to judge how spicy warrants a spice warning.

Where to start... If you haven't figured it out, all my grown sims are currently woohoo positive, as in they do not think that how much woohoo a sim does or does not have dictates how "good" a person is. Why? Because whoever made sex synonymous with shame is stupid and has ruined many a life (it was probably a dude, no offense dudes out there).

While I don't currently have any sims that are asexual, not all my sims feel the same about woohoo.

For example Charlie and Kaori would choose a good chat over woohoo most times. Not because they don't love each other, or are averse to woohoo, but because that's who they are together. Most days they tire themselves out as athletes and prefer to relax together

Cassandra and Rahul on the other hand love to have woohoo, particularly unprotected, three kids and still not done

Keira, who rolled the soulmate aspiration, chose to wait before she had woohoo. Her high school girlfriend (Morgan Fryes) cheated on her because she wouldn't woohoo. Even after meeting Marta (her now fiance) she wanted to wait until she felt comfortable being vulnerable around her.

Then of course we have my superstar Joey who is aromantic but allosexual (a mod did that, I didn't choose it). As soon as he became a YA he got a fwb. His philosophy is basically, oh she identifies as she? Can I hit it? I love you Joey that's why I call you a slut

Normally I just chuck up a sim spice warning if there are some screenshots taken during woohoo. Me being me, I don't feel like including pixel private parts in my published posts. Kudos to all you who do, it's just not my style. It's also rare that I'll write about anything that happens during a woohoo session, mostly I'll just write some foreplay then say it happened. That said, I do like to chuck in innuendo here and there if it feels like something my sims would say (any other writers feel like they know exactly what their sims would say at times?). I'm also not in a hurry to be classified as a mature blog, purely because that doesn't fit like 95% of my gameplay. Yes, I use wicked whims for my gameplay, but that doesn't mean I'm going to show you Luna being a lowkey pillow princess... shut up brain you can't just say that

Finally, on to my babies Reece and Samir. If there are spectrum's they are at the extreme end (also in my country the age of consent is 16 so any hijinks they get up before Reece turns 18 isn't percieved as illegal here). They both enjoy woohoo, like a lot a lot. Probably didn't help that there rotation had love day in it but they both also have high woohoo drives. They were flirty most of the time, so what would they do in that state? Sweet talk each other of course.

Now, if you weren't aware and you probably weren't cause it's been ages since their last rotation Reece and Samir also have a dynamic my other sims don't. Although on reflection Bob and Eliza have it as well, just to a lesser extent. Reece, chatterbox ego that he is, is a submissive. Samir, who barely says more than a sentence to anyone but Reece, is a dominant. When together they'll often lean into these roles, using both innuendo and statements of things their partner does that they're in to. Some people would probably label things that even use those words as mature, but it's a dynamic that exists people.

Now their chapter isn't me suddenly switching to speaking in 100% innuendo, but it has more than my average writing, at least for the first half you'll understand later if you read hence the sim spice warning. Looking back on it the chapter does not contain any screenshots mid woohoo, but the dialogue makes me want to put a disclosure above the cut, since I'm still not sure of all the rules around here, and my IBS is making it hard to focus right now.

Woohoo talk done? It's done! That's what she said... shut up brain, we're not twelve!

The other warning is about sim death. No one dies in the chapter but it deals with figuring out what happened to Samir's birth parents. Previously it's been established they were killed when he was 5 but the chapter and my Samir flashback pov short bit that I am low key proud of does involve mention of blood, death, dying etc. Me being me, I do not include any screenshots of dead, dying or seriously bleeding sims, it's not my aesthetic (don't act as though you don't love playing Until Dawn, the Quarry and The Dark Pictures Anthology which is full of gore... okay yes but gore does make me queasy for the most part, could never ever watch a saw film) and things aren't described in explicit detail. But death is death and grief is complex. It can hit you at unexpected times in unexpected ways.

So why am I bothering to put content warnings at all? Still sounds pretty tame. Yeah, probably, but as mentioned, I still don't know all the rules around here. Plus I would choose for someone to not read my story and avoid seeing something that upset them, than have someone grieving a loss see my dead sims bodies on their dash because I tagged it Sims4 every time. So if you see a content warning on my post, it most often just means viewer discretion advised. Not that you'll click and get flashed by my sims.

#upcoming #but not the next family #wow #This is longer than intended #Thanks for coming to my ted talk #but these thoughts have been in my head as I write #ramble ramble ramble #Is it time for more painkillers yet #oh nearly #Hoorah #Cramps are killing me right now #sims 4 #the sims 4 #the sims #Guess if this gets labelled as mature then I'll know right

[waywardsculs]

Name : Cordelia Age : ??? Gender : Female Pronouns : She / Her Orientation : Panromantic / Demisexual Species : Deep Sea Fish Hellborn Height : 7ft 9in Residence : Envy Ring, personal mansion Occupation : Main Singer / Performer at Utopia Voice Reference

Outfit References relaxed one || relaxed two || casual one || casual two || casual three || casual four || casual five || casual six || casual seven || formal one || formal two || formal three || formal four || formal five || formal six || formal seven || active one || active two

--------------------------

Cordelia is a woman that upholds a very regal and refined air, seen by many others at Utopia as either an older sister or mother type. She's fiercely protective of the other employees, to the point where yes, she would gladly kill for them. She's a very relaxed woman overall, friendly and welcoming, flirtatious and unafraid to simply be who she is.

She has a knack for making her own clothing, regardless of what's considered on trend or not, and refuses to wear anything made by anyone else, being that she's extremely picky with fabric and fit. She even has her own extensive storage of expensive fabrics, and has close ties to a number of stores to ensure she can get her hands on whatever she might need.

--------------------------

Extra facts

She is almost never seen wearing actual shoes, but the socks she wears are specially designed so it isn't an issue.

If she should ever blush, hers is a neon blue as opposed to more normal red.

The flowing fins she has are completely prehensile and able to be moved as she wishes.

She has a few pets around her home in the Envy ring, mostly bio - luminescent fish, along with an extensive collection of rare sea flora.

First full image here.

#┊CORDELIA ═══ ✧ in character #wow okay this got longer than intended lmao #I HAVE HAD A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT HER #anyway here you guys go i offer you all a fish wife

[alistairs-4th-wife]

so I'm gonna start with some Alistair Crump headcanons. What being his partner would be like post-death and becoming a ghost. With some uh... saucy NSFW under the cut. 👀

Alistair will very much put up a front for you when you first meet. Treating you with the utmost respect, being gentleman-like, almost being... scared of scaring you off?

Something about you intrigues him. He doesn't view you in the same way he's viewed everyone else who's entered the mansion

This both interests and infuriates him

You better believe you have been haunted by being unable to leave the mansion long-term. But he can't convince himself to sacrifice you just yet

You also get not a whole lot of privacy at first. Even if you can't see him, he sees you

He can't always be slick about it though. Sometimes you'll hear little chuckles or other little noises

Though after getting a little surprising bonding time, you grow to not totally hate his company

In fact, you'd even say you like it

Alistair's undecided feelings for you worsen, though. Eventually he ends up spilling how he feels to you in the form of a long ramble

He's not good with these things, but if you had to say, that was probably the moment your relationship started

He is very... old-fashioned. Being from a different era and all. You have to remind him a lot at first to respect your boundaries, and just you in general

He does get better slowly but surely though. Doing little gestures to show how much he truly loves you as well

And you'll never have to worry about anyone else giving you trouble. Alistair will... deal with them. In his own way.

Seriously, even if he just thinks something happened he's ready to do some crazy things for you. You're his and no one hurts you.

...That being said, he does still struggle with treating you more like property than a person.

But you're content with it. And you're secure and you know that he does truly treasure you.

Now for some of the more NSFW headcannons. Please skip or stop reading at this point if you're uncomfy or not interested.

In bed you'd say Alistair is comparable to a wild animal

Loves kissing, licking, biting your neck. Bonus points if he leaves marks. He also loves if you have any visible marks after

He also sometimes likes for you to have makeup on basically just so he can ruin it

He is always a top and very dominant. Maybe if you really want it, he'll let you top him once

He is mostly very vanilla. Favorite position is missionary. Wasn't even really into foreplay until you asked him to try it one night

Though a surprising result of this is that he loves giving you oral. He's found himself smitten with you being so pleasured all because of him

And for someone with no experience in that before you, he's pretty damn good at it.

Of course, you never get it without the expectation of you returning the favor, though, which you do

And when you do he's pushing your head onto him and keeping you there until he explodes

He's above average. Huge even. Girthy too. So anything is a bit of a struggle for you

On top of that, he's also... kind of dead. So he's cold. That was hard to adjust to during your first few intimate moments

When penetrating you, he is rough. Fucks like its the last time he'll ever see you. Grunts, moans, and growls escape his mouth with every thrust

Like I said, a literal wild animal

Treating you like property translates into the bedroom too. If you were a virgin beforehand, he was obsessed with the idea of "taking you" during your first night. Otherwise he never lets you forget that he's taking what's his.

He also drools sometimes

He's learned to stop or be gentle with you when he's asked, though. After all, he truly doesn't wanna hurt you. But you can put up with a lot for him

He was confused when you mentioned aftercare one night but after that was a total angel towards you. Sometimes you got a bath. Otherwise you were cleaned up and cuddled until the morning when he'd be gone.

#hatbox ghost #alistair crump #the hatbox ghost #hatbox ghost imagine #alistair crump imagine #haunted mansion #WOW this was longer than i intended lol #oh well enjoy

[yellowocaballero]

It was cool seeing a bit more of Dedue this chapter, cause like his dynamic with Dimitri is just so interesting yk? Like alongside the loyalty and devotion, Dedue also genuinely cares about Dimitri and Dimitri very much so cares about him in turn, but there's also the added layer of Dimitri being basically his only hope for the justice and restoration of his people and that adds even more of a power imbalance (outside of just the general future king and his vassel imbalance lol). And the way that in their supports they both had said that the other had saved them and Dedue calling Faergheus abhorrent with Dimitri as the exception. There's just a lot of depth there, and I really like the way you're showing that so far in the fic.

YEAH BABY. I know I went on for WAY too long about Dedue in a comment, did I do it here??? I don't think I did? I'll more or less repeat what i said.

You're so right. Dimitri and Dedue's relationship is so complicated, and Dedue is so complicated, and I think the nature of Dedue's character is that he is very, very quiet about how complicated it is.

Dedue and Dimitri genuinely love each other very, very much. They're so devoted to each other, they would do anything for each other. I think they 'killed off' Dedue because Dimitri would not have lost all hope if Dedue was alive. Blaming himself for Dedue's death fucked Dima up bad. Dima genuinely, actually cares a ton about saving Duscur and helping the people his country hurt, about helping Dedue with his life goal of giving the country freedom. I also think Dedue is...um, bad for Dimitri.

You can't forget that Dedue is a single issue voter. He is a genocide survivor. The goal of his life is to save Duscur. Dimitri is his only method of saving Duscur. Dimitri is the only person who cares. Dedue has to make Dimitri king. He's thrown his hat into Dimitri's ring and he has to keep it there. Dedue knows every secret Dimitri has - his hatred, his mass murdering tendencies, his sickness - and he doesn't tell anybody, because that would get in the way of making Dimitri king, and that would put him at odds with Dimitri and what Dimitri wants. He enables continuously when what Dimitri needs is an intervention. He actually openly tells Felix that, should Dimitri start burning down a village and murdering women and children, that Dedue would help him. Dimitri would do that because he's nuts, but Dedue would do it fully aware of what he's doing and completely willing to do it, because Dimitri told him to, and Dedue needs to make Dimitri king, because Dimitri is going to save Duscur.

The power imbalance is a big thing, yes. It's huge, and it's understandable but silly of Dimitri to want them to be friends. But I think Dimitri is extremely reliant on Dedue. When somebody depends on you completely, when they share everything with you, you have power over them. Dedue had the power to help Dimitri, and he chose not to.

I don't blame him. Dedue had his own ways of coping too, and this was how. I think he put the salvation of his people over Dimitri's happiness, and...that's fine. The sad white boy is not the most important person in the world. In the fic, I draw an explicit comparison between Dedue and Byleth: that they needed Dimitri to be a king and a leader and alive, and they didn't need him sane for that. But it was the actions of two people who loved Dimitri so much that they were willing to do anything to keep him alive.

I always kind of wondered if Dedue had THAT MUCH internalized racism, or if he just knew that he had to be careful with his words and show the world the right face. He talks a lot about how ashamed he is of Duscur's So Awful Bad Actions We Killed Your King :(, but...he also privately shares that he finds finds Faerghus abhorrent. SO MUCH of Dedue's lines in his supports are just severely internalized racism, and I just kind of wonder how honest it is...same way that you have to wonder how honest Petra is. I think they're both doing what they have to in order to survive, and that they have to protect themselves and this is the way they have to do it, but...it's not...good...

He's a fascinating character in a way I don't think is immediately obvious, and I think he's kind of slept on in that way! Dedue portrays his own actions as very simple and straightforward, but I really don't think they are. Unfortunately, due to the story, this is the last time we see Dedue play a very active role in the narrative. I was sad about it (I also dislike writing out POC, but such was the story). Thanks for the ask, though - I think if you drain out all of this complexity about Dedue, then you're really missing the point. And the Dedue you'd be creating is somebody who has no internal life or motivations or faults or strengths outside of Dimitri, and who also just has so much internalized racism. Which is lame.

TL;DR

FELIX, AS USUAL, YOU'RE RIGHT BUT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY IT LIKE THAT.

#my asks #my writing #WOW that turned out longer than intended again. #whatever dedue deserves it #i think this is one of those instances where #being not a good writer hurts your ability to write poc specifically #I typed “Dedue is a good person” and then i looked at it and then deleted it #is he? is anybody who would commit atrocities on somebody's command in pursuit of their own goals a good person? #even if the goals are noble? even if like fucking everyone is out here mass murdering on somebody's command? #in Felix's hypothetical is Dedue worse than Dimitri - because Dimitri's nuts and Dedue isn't? #Dimitri is a bloodthirsty hateful person for so long #is he saved from being a bad person just because he was ill? #idk man this is a wendy's

[osamusbigtits]

I think aran and kita's first time is super soft and intimate, but I also think aran is sooooo anxious he ends up. not being able to get hard because he's overthinking everything.

they still call it their first time despite not actually going all the way. aran wanted it to be perfect. he lit some candles, washed his sheets, kicked his parents out of the house.

but when he and kita were making out, he was still worried about everything being just right. aran was jumpy and skittish. in the end it made kita a little nervous as well.

until kita pushed aran away and demanded he explain what was going on. aran rambled about his insecurities and anxieties until kita shut him up with a kiss.

they agreed to try again another night, but use this night to just be comfortable with each other.

and, yeah, it was a little awkward to strip down naked with each other and just lay in bed at first. they sat away from each other, the tv quietly playing a movie.

until they slowly scooted closer, they cuddled, and eventually started kissing again. this time slower, more relaxed. they let their hands roam, just feeling each other and being in each other's space and area.

and while they were both hard at the end of the night, they decided to stay true to their decision to wait another night. but it was a good step in the right direction.

so while most people would consider the night a failure, aran and kita considered it one of the biggest steps in their relationship.

#wow ok this got longer than i intended it to #um #ok #hq #bex thoughts #arankita

[syrena-del-mar]

Let’s talk about Uncle Jim and the preview of episode 7. 

I think we need to look at Uncle Jim as a product of circumstances. 

It’s easy to call him a hypocrite if you are only looking at the fact that he’s, essentially, pointing fingers at his nephew, Li Ming, for being gay while he’s out there having sex with Wen and whatever their ‘situationship’ is a the moment. Now, I’m not saying it’s was okay, or anything of the sort, on how he will be dealing with finding out about Li Ming and Heart, but I think we do need to go beyond the surface level, “He’s a homophobe!” virtue-signaling that has been going around and look at the complexity that lead to that moment.

I'm going to break this down into three parts: (1) Uncle Jim's financial struggles, (2) Uncle Jim's struggles with his sexual identity, and (3) how they play into the confrontation.

1. Uncle Jim and the effect of poverty on his worldview

First, we need to look at what Uncle Jim’s relationship with Li Ming. The first clue into the relationship between Uncle Jim and Li Ming is in Episode 1 while Saleng and Li Ming meet up. Saleng let’s Li Ming know that it would be best if he came back to the diner straight after school so Uncle Jim wouldn’t nag him again, and Li Ming being the teenager that he is, blew off the advice stating to just let Uncle Jim nag. Tensions between the two are already somewhat heightened, which tends to naturally occur as kids grow into their teens and don’t see eye-to-eye with their parental figures. Add in the fact that Li Ming is growing up and starting to make decisions for his own future, and Uncle Jim doesn't agree with a lot of them, their relationship is going to be rocky.

Second, Uncle Jim knows his place in a classist society and has conformed to it. Time and time again, in the conversations with Wen, Uncle Jim has diminished his work as a chicken vendor. It's a labor-intensive job. Even with a diner that's packed and being on television, the amount of money is not enough to pay the bills. Chicken prices have been going higher and higher, which the audience is informed through Gaipa's mother, and he's barely able to stretch the income that the chicken shop is bring to cover the bills. They are poor, living essentially paycheck-to-paycheck and just hoping to be able to get by. It's his every-day life and he's been burned out by it. It's no comfy desk job, local restaurants are looked down on. There's no honor or 'reward' for his work aside from seeing people enjoy the food that he makes with his own hands.

He 'knows' his place in society and behaves according to it. During the whole initial fiasco of meeting Heart's parents, Uncle Jim apologizes on behalf of Li Ming. Heart's father is an officer, a Senior Sergeant, and wealthy ones at that. Uncle Jim is more than aware of the status difference and what that signifies in the terms to the power that they hold. So Uncle Jim would rather Li Ming take the blame and smooth things over, instead of risking upsetting Heart's parents.

Meanwhile, Li Ming is aware of the classism and resents it. He's aware of their financial status and the power that others hold over them, as seen with his indignant response when Uncle Jim suggests just thinking of the situation with Heart's parents as 'bad luck'. Li Ming is young, that's the reality. He hasn't been worn down like Uncle Jim and as a result he still (correctly) pushes against the idea that just because Heart's parents hold a high status, he should plead guilty. He knows he's innocent because he is innocent, and he's hurt that Uncle Jim would tell him to just take the blame. But the thing is, I don't think it's that Uncle Jim doesn't believe or trust him, more than anything Uncle Jim is worried that defying would somehow get Li Ming in more trouble, potentially jeopardizing his future.

Which comes to the third point, Uncle Jim wants Li Ming to do better for himself and have a brighter future than he does. He doesn't want Li Ming to know the struggle of barely being able to pay for bills or the pain of such a laborious job. That's not to say that the way Uncle Jim goes about it is correct, especially when pushing Li Ming to study is just making him miserable and Uncle Jim fails or refuses to see that. But I think he truly believes that Li Ming would find a better life by getting a college degree. To Uncle Jim, it's Li Ming's ticket out of the misery that being poor brings; he pushes it onto him because he truly wants what's best for him.

Uncle Jim, like many parents or parental figures, wants Li Ming to do better in life than he has. Uncle Jim has been worn down by life, he's essentially just floating, trying not to drown. He doesn't want that for Li Ming. Yet, Uncle Jim is so consumed by the stress of running the diner and the lack of funds that it brings in, he doesn't really see that there are other ways besides getting a college degree to be successful. (I think many children of immigrant parents/third-world countries can relate to the pressure parents apply in succeeding in their education to pull themselves out of poverty.) Which results in Uncle Jim not listening to the wants and needs of Li Ming. Uncle Jim has been tired down by the reality of poverty and he doesn't want to Li Ming to experience it, especially when he can provide Li Ming the opportunity to go to college and get an education, even if it costs him more in the long run.

He wants Li Ming to have every opportunity and success out there that's available, ones that he didn't have. To Uncle Jim, that means getting a degree. A degree can open doors that are otherwise locked. It's a ticket out. Uncle Jim's main motivation is Li Ming to find success, to find financial stability. It's the idea that once you're financially stable and out of poverty, only then can you strive to find happiness. Poverty, to Uncle Jim, is a brick wall that is in Li Ming's way. Getting a degree is an opportunity that wasn't awarded to Uncle Jim and it's highly likely that Uncle Jim blames that for his present struggles.

From Uncle Jim's point of view, Li Ming is almost a mirror copy of him and going down a path that led to a lot of Uncle Jim's own pain and suffering. Uncle Jim is reactive, even when he is trying to be proactive, because that's all he knows how to do to survive. It's not that he intends to harm Li Ming, but rather it's the consequence of his good intentions that he ends up hurting him. A double-edged sword.

He doesn't want his nephew to follow in his foot steps, he wants him to be better than him.

2. Uncle Jim and his journey with his sexuality

I don't think we can just state that Uncle Jim is a hypocrite and homophobic. Does he probably struggle with internalized homophobia? Probably. But I think the reaction, stems from much more than just simple internalized homophobia. Rather I suspect his reaction has much more to do with his personal relationships, both familial and with Beam, and how they have shaped his life in relation to his sexuality.

Here we're going to start off with Uncle Jim's relationship with his sister, Li Ming's mother. His sister told him explicitly that she doesn't believe that gay relationships to work. She compared them to straight relationships and essentially, in lack of better terms, told Uncle Jim that they were inferior. Wen even states, "Love has no gender. everyday, heterosexual couples split up. No one bothers to find out why they break up. gender has nothing to do with successful or unsuccessful relationships." Even though logically, Uncle Jim understands that, the reality was that his sister's words rang in his mind after he found out that Beam was with a woman, while also being with him.

He was burned after taking a chance. When you get one too many burns, fear starts to become standard response.

Uncle Jim's relationship with Beam has a lot to do with how he NOW views love and the place it has in his life. Uncle Jim opened up the chicken dinner in hope to help provide for Beam. I mean they were wearing rings, it was a very serious and committed relationship. Uncle Jim, in his 20s, took the risk of losing his family for this man, to prove his sister wrong. Where did that lead him? To unknowingly being the sidepiece in a straight relationship. And then Beam goes and dies before Uncle Jim could get any answers.

For about a decade, Uncle Jim was left to wallow in his pain from the wound that Beam left him. He had no clue whether Beam actually loved him. Not to mention that he, a male, was the sidepiece. This isn't just simple cheating, instead it's rather significant that Beam was cheating on his long-time girlfriend/fiancée with him. While Uncle Jim and Beam may have had a ring on each other's finger, it says something that he was the hidden lover. How could Uncle Jim not wonder if Beam was using him/hiding him due to being ashamed of being gay? Or question if he was every truly loved?

Uncle Jim was left stagnant after Beam died, there was no way to come to terms with being the side-piece to a straight relationship. There was no clarity or closure that he could have gotten to move on, because the only person that could offer to him, died. It's obvious that his relationship with Beam shifted on how he felt about love, Uncle Jim states that several times to Wen. The relationship (being the hidden side piece) likely changed how he felt about being gay and gay relationships, potentially subconsciously. It wouldn't be shocking if he attributes some of his struggles to him being gay.

Uncle Jim risked his family, attempting to prove his sister wrong, and instead it backfired. A lot of pain and suffering that Uncle Jim has experienced in life has been due to his relationship, and it wouldn't be a giant leap to think that he attributes the pain specifically to having risked everything for a man. And he'd been stuck in that mindset for so many years, relationships meant potential pain. He'd gone against the status quo and that's why he got burned.

He's still barely learning to love again, learning to let go of the past.

3. How both factor in Uncle Jim confronting Li Ming about his relationship with Heart.

I think it has been established that Uncle Jim has just been in a land of pain, where he was left just a shadow of his bright 20-something-year-old self, after running the chicken diner and having a horrific ending to what seemed like a promising relationship.

Uncle Jim is only starting to reemerge and learn what it's like to live again after meeting Wen. Sure, he probably did have moments in his day-to-day life where he could laugh and smile with others, but those were fleeting moments. He was and has been struggling in every single aspect of his life, in his love-life, his financial status, his class status, he sexuality. Uncle Jim, by not being part of the status-quo, has lived a difficult life.

That's the exact opposite of what he wants for Li Ming. He wants him to be happy, to be stable, to not suffer like he is suffering for the decisions that he made as a young-adult. He's scared and afraid for the future of his nephew, because Li Ming is not willing to conform. Li Ming is resentful and indignant with society, like many young teens are, and isn't ready to bend to the rule of those with higher status. That almost guarantees that he's going to face hardships and that scares Uncle Jim.

If that wasn't bad enough, Uncle Jim finds out that he both doesn't want to get a higher education after graduation and he's gay. Two more attributes that almost guarantee a lot of pain in society, even if there has been large strides in LGBTQ+ relations since Uncle Jim came out.

When Uncle Jim sees Li Ming it's like staring at his own reflection and that scares him. He doesn't want Li Ming to end up like him, struggling for money and not fully accepted by society. It's a fear that only a guardian can truly understand.

Uncle Jim has only known pain since finding out about Papang cheated. Even though he now loves his diner, I'm sure it was painful before because it was a reminder, one that he has given his blood, sweat and tears for. He's only now coming out of the haze, from a zombie-like state, so the way he communicates isn't eloquent, it's forceful and harsh. He doesn't know how to effectively convey his worries to Li Ming and he doesn't know how to listen, to learn that maybe there is more than one way to achieve happiness and stability.

He's not mad at the fact that Li Ming is gay, but rather he's mad that after everything he has done to avoid Li Ming growing up to be like him (poor, struggling, tormented), Li Ming is still going to end up where he is. His mirror.

It's not okay that he reacts in the way that he does, I'm sure it'll hurt Li Ming more than anything, but it's also not shocking to see that Uncle Jim is angry. Angry at the situation... a repeat of his own in his eyes. And I think that it's more complicated than just a cry of "Uncle Jim is homophobic."

TLDR; Uncle Jim's outburst against Li Ming for being with Heart isn't solely rooted in homophobia, though there may be an aspect of internalized homophobia. Rather, Uncle Jim is a product of his situation and he doesn't know how to effectively communicate with his nephew. He's struggling and he doesn't want that for Li Ming. That's not to say that it's okay that Uncle Jim confronts Li Ming for being gay, especially in that manner, but it's not surprising when he reacts in that way.

#Moonlight Chicken #Uncle Jim #Wen #Midnight Series: Moonlight Chicken #Thai BL #Earth x Mix #mlc: Uncle Jim #Li Ming #li ming x heart #earth pirapat #mix sahaphap #fourth nattawatM #Moonlight Chicken ep 7 #Wow this is much longer than I intended it to be #I'm sorry if you actually read through all that #I'm just tired of people thinking its solely homophobia without considering the lived experience that he has come through #It's not okay that it's reaction but i don't think you can chalk everything up to homophobia #not a defense just an explanation #this ended up with me rambling but dkdkdkd I got tired of he’s just homophobic #and then i saw people were attacking earth and it’s like guys #think a little please #Moonlight Chicken meta

[rozyrne]

the fact that her retainers didn't come to meet her - the audacity! - means she has to seek them out herself in a flounce of rose perfume and fluttering petticoats.

it's evening when she sets out, bells chiming as students mill between classes. she won't get distracted, even with all the new sights and sounds! ..well, maybe a bit. there are flowers she has never seen growing her, and the weather is so much nicer, but - no! she's on a mission!

( she does pluck a flower, though, discreetly. other students are doing it - so surely it's fine if she does, right? besides, she's a princess! )

there are so many faces. so many students, and most of them older than she. she puffs out her chest and pushes through the crowd with the determination only a teenage girl can carry, and finally - finally! - she spots a familiar bow and blue-pink hair.

"you kept me waiting long enough!" she calls out to her retainer, pushing her way uncaringly through the crowd to stand in front of him, hands on her hips. "how rude!"

and yet - despite her harsh words, she's smiling. a rare hortensia smile, the sort worth capturing on a canvas - a real smile, not that saccharine royal smile. the slope of her lips is gentle, her eyes bright.

she throws herself at rosado, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"how have you been?" is asked quieter, more vulnerable. closer to his ear. a weakness for few and far in between - a weakness for not just her retainer, but her friend.

he'll swear it up, sideways, and upside-down on the jana and the divine one and everything in between — that he was looking for her first! bonus points of being well-liked and having a bunch of people to talk to was that he was never ever late to the latest and greatest scoops, and even in a place as full to bursting with royalty as this academy, word of a princess still makes it down the grapevine to his eager ear.

did you see her dress? yep, that's elusia for you!

i swear the newbies that keep showing up here are each crazier-looking than the last. that's her highness princess hortensia you're talking about! and my best friend, to boot.

rosado, of course, didn't usually like to brag ( it wasn't very cute ) but today, today, he couldn't help it.

hortensia— hortensia— was on the way!

he totally didn't sleep last night. ( but when's that ever bothered him? )

so he'll swear it on his best brushes, his favorite platform heels, and all his sweet snacks for the rest of the week. that when hortensia finds him, it's because he's lost track of where to look at the town gates around so many people, and because she's always been a little smaller than most; there's no way a princess should be showing up to the academy unreceived, right? not by her retainers, and definitely not by her friends.

he'll remember that look on her face forever, anyway. like the kind of candy you had once as a kid that changed your life maybe, and you could never find it again anywhere else. and then one day it just shows up, completely out of the blue. he doesn't get to see it all that much, anymore.

"you're here . . . ! you're actually, really here! i almost can't believe it," he gasps, utters, and breathes into her shoulder, squeezing and rocking from foot to foot like he doesn't want to let go, grinning so hard his face hurts. she smells like the sea freshly crossed and the sky so blue and a little of the snow and ice of elusia, a little like powder and taffeta and bubblegum. and just when he's about to pull back to look at her to really make sure he isn't dreaming, she whispers again, this time like a secret just for his ears. how has he been?

he's been great; he's been happy. he's been totally occupied, and over his head in homework without her to help, and busy with training, and wrapping his head around everything there is to do here, and—

and there's really only one thing that's totally, one-hundred-percent the first and truest thing he wants to say. "ohh, i've just missed you."

arms cinch tighter; just a few more seconds. because she sounds a little like he remembers from not-as-happy times and back then there wasn't anything he could do about it, but this time he can give her a hug, at least? "but now everything's right in the world." now he does pull back, hands on both her shoulders, beaming with all daylight starshine; she's going to believe it! he'll make her believe it. things'll be so perfect that she'll have no other choice! "you, and me, and goldmary. we're going to be unstoppable, just like old times."

#◟‎ 🇨​🇭​🇦​🇷​🇦​🇨​🇹​🇪​🇷​ ❝ HORTENSIA! ━━ ｡ #hydrangeaceae #sorry this took me until now to get to oiKSALKGJB i'm the Worst with asks #it also got so much longer than i intended starting out NSKJNDG #rosados like wow no one told me i get three birthdays this year

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

you know, a little while ago a... aquaintance? almost-friend-but-we're-not-that-close? invited me to their birthday and i was in a very sleep-deprivation zero-social-battery low-spoons caffeine-zombie kinda mood (tho it was fun in the end) and i excused myself to the bathroom. like, mostly to get away for a few minutes. get my shit together. ended up scrolling through one (1) page of my dash bc tumblr seems to be good for Brain Soup and i calmed down enough to like. be able to talk to a human.

but apparently i was gone long enough that said aquaintance and their friend made a bet whether i was doing drugs. and me, eyes slightly too wide bc i need to appear awake and if i close them ill just fall asleep immediately, slouching about like a zombie, running on one glass of coke, apparently did not solve that question by coming back. like, they looked at me and couldn't tell if i was totally zonked out.

which, i wasn't. idek where to get drugs (tho they're apparently kinda wide-spread in my town, yikes) if i wanted to, and i am purposely keeping faaar away from anything addictive. but. yeah okay sleep-deprivation is one hell of a drug. it was kinda funny especially in hindsight. but also. damn. do i really look that bad. do i look like that every other day in school, like i'm on a trip? damn.

#the only drugs i do are sleep-deprivation and a general lack of caring about what impression i give off #i mean. being on drugs probably doesnt even feel that different. i sure do feel slightly trippy on days like that lmao #the thing was that i did stay away longer than i meant to but also wow that was unexpected #anyways that friend of a friend who saw me once before actually won the bet too lmao #a biscuit's rambles #just to reiterate tho despite feeling off my rocks semi-regularly i have never once in my life taken drugs and i dont intend to #i dont need no sketchy substances to feel/act high #skill issue for everyone else but im different (sleep-deprived) #well not tdoay. today my brain is soup despite having a nice long sleep. BUT.

[crvstybowlofcereal]

Yall don't understand how badly I WANT to Not use labels.

I'm just queer. But also I'm so much more than that and it's so specific and having language to ascribe to that is so important to me for some reason and I can't turn it off.

I am a lesbian, I am bisexual, I am genderfluid but never a binary gender, I'm a dyke I'm a fag I'm a tranny.

Same with religion. Im spiritual, I'm polytheistic, I'm pantheistic, I'm a pagan, I'm a witch, I'm a wiccan, I'm a satanist..

To people who don't experience these things I will always be incomprehensible. But to people who Get it, I can give them clear terms to help them Get me.

I have a desire to Make Sense and Be Understood and especially to Be Percieved as I perceive myself.

I am not confused, I know exactly who I am, and if I have to use a million labels to articulate that to the world, so be it, because being understood is all I have ever wanted.

#wow this is a much longer post than i intended #personal #lables #religion #lgbtq #queer

[cambius]

@recitedemise cont. from here.

she asked because it seemed like he might want to ⸻ the cambion can sense it in the cool evening air , even now. his desire hangs heavy in the atmosphere , prickling her flesh with goosebumps as it begins to consume her own senses. and it isn’t just gale’s desire , she is reluctant to admit to even herself that she wants him to kiss her. and not so she might lure him into bed to lay claim to his soul as she has fantasized doing so many times before. this time , she only desires him. his yearning , his delicious wanting , is blindingly intoxicating. saccharine sweet , thick like honey on her tongue. but even that , the high his desire offers , the high that the demon craves ⸻ it pales in comparison to the man himself , somehow. yes , somehow gale , of all people , has wormed his way into the black void within her chest where her heart should be.

and though it didn’t happen out of the blue , though it’s been a slow - burning fuse ﹕ all of these desires seemed to sneak up on nepharia , quick and suddenly. he is the last person she expected to care about , and it’s not an easy thing to reconcile with , either. she believed him to be this weak , pathetic man for so long , stinking of desperation. she didn’t want to believe she was anything like him. but it’s been a long while now , of spending platonic evenings with gale of waterdeep , wallowing in self - pity together and analyzing their own hubris that have left them ultimately feeling so very alone.

nepharia is more like gale than she cares to admit , but even now she realizes that he is much better than her. and that is an even more difficult thing for her to reconcile with. one might argue that nepharia has been getting on well with the others , way better than when they started out , at least. she has found herself caring for each and every one of them , she can tell in the way she leaps into action when one of them is in danger , and in the way that she feels like her life is safe amongst them. she has never felt that before. but she can’t help but think that she doesn’t deserve it.

and gale is making it very clear what he wants. crystal clear. and though his physical desire is strong , potent enough to cloud her better judgement , she still wills herself to focus on his words. he wants her. and not just for the evening. and he is trusting her with his eternal soul. to have him , to hold him , feels like a gift not meant for her. as though it’s far too precious for her bloodstained claws to be allowed to hold. why does he want her ? what does he see within her that she can’t ? but she can’t ask. he doesn’t sanction the time for her insecure questions , before claiming what he so desires. and it sets nepharia’s insides ablaze with her own wants. her own desperate yearning. her longing to be seen by someone , to be heard , to be loved. they are manifesting here and now within gale’s kiss , within his touch. clawed fingers finds themselves gripping at purple robes , gently trying to tug the wizard closer against her. and when the contact is broken , too soon , she almost finds her lips chasing the feeling.

for a moment , the cambion wonders if it is her own vulnerability she is feeling , as gale pulls away to look back at her with a gaze that makes her feel a way that is indescribable. she only hopes her expression isn’t as dumbstruck as she feels , as she stares back at him with plump lips slightly agape , eager to taste the wine on his tongue. she is practically salivating at the mouth at the notion , as her pulse thumps erratically within her chest. it has been so long since a man has made her feel this alive , with nothing more than a chaste kiss and a look.

and the words , are like nothing she’s ever heard before. and gale offers them , knowing what she is. knowing what she has done , and knowing what she is capable of doing. he’s offering more than he even knows. he is offering her hope , where there has been none before. not ever. and she looks back at him , with a gaze softer than anything that has ever graced her expression , ❛ what if i told you that i wanted nothing more than for you to be mine ? would you believe me if i told you that i wanted to be yours , too ? ❜ both genuine questions. does he believe her ? can he trust her , though she is a devil ? can he love her , though she is born of darkness and malevolence ?

a hand releases his robes to find the side of his face , a soft palm and fingers gently smoothing over the coarseness of his cheek , ❛ you’ve fucking ruined me , gale dekarios , ❜ a breath of a laugh escapes her against his face , though it is more humorless , as desperate eyes seek a soothing ailment in the wizard’s gaze , hoping to ease her troubled mind , ❛ but i welcome the destruction , because i feel like you’ve brought me back to life. ❜

#recitedemise #replies. #main verse : act iii. #wow um so. #yeah #this got way longer than i intended #😅 #oops