#yes i keep certain discussions in mind for rereads

[mxtxfanatic]

Wei Wuxian’s farmhouse dreams/Wangxian retiring into seclusion are viable (and present) options for post-canon, probably just in a more distant future than where the extras leave off. Here’s an author’s note from mxtx early in the novel:

In the previous chapter, the readers’ focus was so weird. _(:з)∠)_ Why does the ten odd rabbits have to be the offspring of the two male rabbits? Lan Er Ge Ge also knows how to catch rabbits. When they’ve retired and enter seclusion together, they’ll catch even more rabbits and rear them together. (*^_^*)

–Chapt. 20: Harmony Part 2: Husband and husband going down the mountain as a pair, taming wangxian

Then there’s also this:

He sat on the donkey with his legs criss-crossed. He swayed as he pretended to be unconcerned, “Speaking of it,

HanGuang-Jun, do you plan on ever retiring?”

Lan WangJi paused shortly, as though he was thinking for a moment. Wei WuXian struck the iron while it was still hot, “Have you thought of what to do after you retire?”

Lan WangJi gazed at him, “Not yet.”

Wei WuXian thought to himself, It’s perfect if you haven’t thought of anything yet! I’ll think for you.

He was going to find a place beautiful though sparsely populated and build a large house there. He could build one for Lan WangJi next to him as well. Everyday there’d be two dishes and a soup. Of course, it’d be best if Lan WangJi was the one who cooked, or else they had to eat the things he cooked. It’d be best if Lan WangJi was responsible for the account of their money as well. Before his eyes even appeared the scene of Lan WangJi wearing coarse cloth, patches at his chest and his knees, sitting expressionlessly at a handmade wooden table, counting coins one by one. After he finished counting, he grabbed a hoe and went out to work. And, on the other hand, he’d... he’d... he’d do what?

–Chapt. 67: Tenderness, exr

(This quote actually goes into more detail about the plans, but you get the point.) Keeping in mind that while this second one is a pre-confession daydream, Wei Wuxian is, at this point in the story, already aware of Lan Wangji’s feelings (just missing the confirmation part) as well as his own and has committed to the idea of a life together. This is something that Wei Wuxian has thought about in detail for a while, now, going back to even his first life:

“...” Lan WangJi stared at the two making casual conversation, “Your dream?”

Wei WuXian was laughing so hard he might suffer from an internal injury, “Pwahahahahahahahaha, uh, yes. For a certain period of time, for some reason, I keep on having these dreams. I’d dream that we retired to seclusion to the countryside. I go out to hunt and farm, while you stay at home to guard the house, weaving and cooking food for me. Oh right, you’re also in charge of my money and doing accounts for me. At night you even mend my clothes. Every time I dream about telling you to boil the bathwater so that we could bathe together at night, but every time we were about to take off our clothes I’d wake up. What a shame, hahahahahahahahahahaha...”

–Chapt. 117: Extra (Incense Burner 1), exr

And while we can infer that this is a dream from his first life – particularly because of the innocence of stopping before any sex happens and also due to the fact that the next dream is rooted in teenage Lan Wangji’s fantasies – I’d say this dream still reoccurs in the present. Because in this version, Lan Wangji doesn’t have a separate home; he and Wei Wuxian live together. So yeah, this is why my headcanon is that they eventually do leave the Cloud Recesses to be in seclusion/retirement together.

(Plus, Wei Wuxian also imagines that they just leave seclusion “if they get bored,” so I imagine that seclusion and retirement aren’t some no-take-backs life commitment to him.)

#human reads mdzs: take 2 #human metas mxtx #i just wanted to put this out here #cause it really has haunted me that i couldn't remember why i thought this in that one convo last year #yes i keep certain discussions in mind for rereads #when my lack of definitive evidence for my assertions is made apparent #editing out dragongirlg cause idk if they allow excerpts as fair use

[crowsnqueens]

Bibliophile; Pt. i

Kaz Brekker x Bibliophile!wife!reader

Summary: Kaz returns from a meeting to find his wife (that was meant to attend) with a book in her hand and a drink at her side. Unfortunately, a fellow crow sees their interaction and is itching to find out more.

an: i had so much fun writing this bro y’all don’t even KNOW

Warnings: Kaz can tolerate reader’s touch, alcohol and drinking it, little bit of irritated Kaz, fluff for DAYS, reader uses she/her pronouns and is described as female, marriage??, the book “The Language of Thorns” is presumed in canon, the crows are about 22 in this (which is what i imagine to be in the show), OOC Kaz (i tried y’all) I may have missed some 💁🏻‍♀️but enjoy!!

Kaz sighed as he scanned the room for his wife, finding that she was in fact, not present.

“Have any of you seen Y/n?” he tooka large breath,”Never mind, let’s continue.”

“But boss, doesn’t she have a big chunk of the job?” Jesper swirled a pistol around his fingers then re-holstered the weapon with ease and precision.

“I can inform her later.” His teeth slightly grit, his hands working in the beginnings of a loose fist.

“As we were…”

~

Once the meeting was finished, Kaz gathered up the papers to re-place them back with his files, and shrugged his coat off. Descending the stairs of the slat, he noticed some of the books on the shelf had slanted in their places, as if a support had been pulled from under them.

Curious, he smirked.

he decended the stairs further to the crow club’s nightly regulars either gambling or drinking, conversing or laughing, scheming or wishing. But among them all, he found a familiar face in a quiet secluded corner, with a book and a glass of Kvas.

Continuing his way across the floor of his club, he stopped to ask one of the other Dregs about the upcoming job.

Slowly from her corner, Y/n heard a certain man’s voice and found him in discussion with the woman who tended the bar named Sylvi. They were presumably discussing a new job or a previous one, but nothing other than work. She knew that, but she still couldn’t help but keep an eye on the interaction.

Eventually she grew tired of surveying her husband’s every move, and returned to her book. “The Language of Thorns” is a collection of six fairytales and myths she had been read as a child, and when she found it on the shelf she just had to reread it.

“You look invested.” Kaz’s voice softened from his previous tone with the other woman.

“Oh I am, this book is very good. I used to read it quite a lot when I was young.” She smiled over the top of the book, knowing exactly what he would bring up next.

“Was there anything else you needed to do or, attend possibly, this evening? That you perhaps weren’t there for?”

“Oh there was this meeting, yes, my dear husband told my to meet him at 9 bells and it must have slipped my mind.” She smirked in the taller boy’s direction over her book.

“I’ll make sure to tell him about your predicament.” Kaz sat beside his wife, grabbing her hand that was laying on the couch.

“She is forgiven.” He placed a kiss to her knuckles and smiled lightly at her.

“Thank you, Mijn liefje.” She leaned her head on his shoulder and Kaz kissed her head.

“Of course, schatje.”

Little did the two know, a sharpshooter watched and observed their interaction, slowly piecing together that their relationship entailed more than expected.

#kaz brekker x reader #six of crows #kazzle dazzle #kaz x wife! reader

[androxys]

Androxys Reads... Batman #401 and Tec #568!

We’re starting the post-Crisis, New Earth Batman reread! As such, we’re starting with Batman #401, the first New Earth Batman story according to the sources I read online. This issue is a tie in to the Legends event, so we’re also reading Detective Comics (hereafter referred to as ‘Tec) #568 and the actual Legends miniseries. Tec #568 is another Legends tie-in, and is the first New Earth Detective Comics story. Technically the proper order to read these is Batman #401, then Tec #568, then Legends #1, so I’ll try to keep my overall Legends thoughts to a minimum.

For those who don’t know, the basic plot of Legends is that Darkseid wants to break Earth’s fascination with superheroes–destroy their “legend–” and cement himself in the minds of Earth instead. Darkseid is all about conquering minds and spirits. Legends is the first big event after Crisis on Infinite Earths that gets everyone together and establishes the superhero community on New Earth, so we need to read through it to understand Batman’s place relative to other heroes.

NOW it’s time for Batman #401

I like that Batman started its New Earth chronology with a #1, albeit #401. It makes things a little cleaner than over in Tec, which started at #568 in the new continuity.

We start immediately with a murder investigation that Batman is eavesdropping on, which I feel sets the tone pretty quick. He’s a detective, he’s on the hunt, he’s alone in this shadow as the wind whips through his cape in a suitably dramatic fashion. 

[Batman #401]

It also immediately establishes the villain: Magpie, who apparently left a note claiming responsibility for theft and murder. Cool, but then Denny tags an explanatory editor’s note that references The Man of Steel #3, because it wasn’t convoluted enough to read this comic already. Both Batman #401 and Man of Steel #3 were published with a cover date of November ‘86, so at least the entire Magpie Cinematic Universe was on sale at the same time. It’s also important to note that even though they were published at the same time, the events of Man of Steel #3 happen several months before Batman #401.

The ‘Oxys Notes on Man of Steel #3 is that it’s the first time Superman and Batman team up, and it’s to stop Magpie. She steals stuff and leaves deadly replicas in the place of whatever she stole. Batman and Superman get off to a rocky start, to say the least.

[Man of Steel #3]

It’s worth noting that Batman isn’t lying about there being a bomb–he suspected Superman would be able to tell. “Does this mean this post-Crisis Batman is willing to kill?” you may cry out. Only himself! This totally well adjusted vigilante just had the bomb in his own belt. After he and Superman deal with Magpie, he just hands the bomb over to Supes.

On a more serious characterization note about Batman in this post-Crisis continuity, I really like this discussion that Superman and Batman have after they’ve apprehended Magpie.

[Man of Steel #3]

This is November of 1986. These are Batman’s first appearances in this post-Crisis world, and I think it matters that his compassion is something that gave eight speech bubbles to.

“She’s not a real criminal … She’s just a frail, human psyche. An unbalanced id that got pushed too far. … Yes… I feel sorry for her Superman. But I feel more sorry for her victims.”

Batman feels for everyone. He feels for Magpie, who he doesn’t see as someone who does evil for evil’s sake (like a certain green-haired fellow might), but as someone who was a victim in her own way. But, he contends, that doesn’t outweigh her actions. He feels for her victims too, and greatly so. ‘Compassion yet consequences,’ or perhaps ‘consequences yet compassion’ seems to be an early established theme for Batman.

Anyway, Man of Steel #3 ends with a sweet resolution and Bruce stating that ��In a different reality, I might have called him friend,” just in case you forgot this is a new reality with a new status quo and this was Batman and Superman’s first meeting.

Anyway, back to the comic we’re actually talking about, Batman #401.

I love this scene with Gordon, after he’s done talking with the investigator, where he sits alone in the room and asks out for Batman’s thoughts. It shows that he knows that Batman was going to be there, listening in, even if he can’t see him.

[Batman #401]

This sequence works so well to establish that even though this is the new continuity, this Batman isn’t starting fresh. (That story will come soon!) Gordon knows him and respects him. And Batman respects Gordon back! He tells him what he’s been up to and what he thinks of the case, and they’re fully depicted as partners in justice.

[Batman #401]

And… the debut of Brucie Wayne, rich idiot. Batman set a trap for Magpie using an item from the Wayne Collection, so of course Bruce will be there. He gets partnered with a detective undercover as his date, and right away he’s laying on the charm… and we can see he’s getting exactly the reaction he wants.

Anyway, then G. Gordon Godfrey shows up because this is a Legends tie in and he has to shout off some anti-superhero stuff. The Oxys’ Notes on Godfrey is that he’s a televangelist who hates superheroes and is slowly getting people more and more riled up. I will say, he does make a precinct observation to Gordon that one day, Gordon will be judged at large for his partnering with Batman. I know this theme will take years for these themes to play out, but the seeds are being laid even now.

[Batman #401]

I like this sequence, as Godfrey is shouting about how dangerous and evil superheroes are while Batman is running through the crowd, trying to stop a gas attack on the party. It’s not terribly complex: here’s Godfrey saying all these things about heroes that Batman is actively disproving by example, but it’s effective. And again–here is the compassion he feels for everyone, as he holds Detective Valle.

[Batman #401]

This has nothing to do with the plot, it’s just a moment to appreciate Small Jason.

[Batman #401]

A quip? From Robin? It’s more likely than you think. (This reading series may also serve as mild propaganda against the idea that Jason was “always the angry Robin” but we’ll see.)

There's a fight, they escape a deathtrap, Batman catches up to Magpie. It's a Batman comics, you know the formula.

[Batman #401]

But here’s another example of how Batman sees himself as an enforcer of the law, and perhaps an executor of consequences… but not of punishment. He says to Magpie “I have to take you in, but I don’t have to hurt you.” He’s willing to use violence as a tool, but it’s not what he wants. That’s not necessarily what this Batman is about. He’s about justice–and he sees other forces as the arbiters of that justice. He’s just the one that brings them in. And I think that’s important to set up here! This one sentence undercuts a lot of the but-whataboutisms that get levied at Arkham’s revolving door. Batman is about bringing people to justice, but he isn’t the one that metes out that justice. That is left to police and the courts–systems larger than just one man.

In the last lines of this issue, Magpie accuses Batman of being “a horrible man.” He responds that “I am what I have to be.” Have to be because of what, Bruce? A promise made by an eight year old in the dark? Because this is the only way Batman can function? Do you feel trapped on this path already, doomed by your narrative? I’m fine, I’m so fine about this.

Now let’s move on to the next chapter: Detective Comics #568.

It opens with Batman and Robin observing an anti-superhero rally, because it's a Legends tie-in and they're establishing what's currently going on. It’s actually kind of unclear whether or not the guy speaking is supposed to be G. Gordon Godfrey or just a guy who has taken up the message and is repeating the gospel. I personally think that it might be more effective, narratively, if it’s the latter–it shows that Godfrey’s ideas are spreading and more people are emboldened to hold rallies against superheroes.

[Detective Comics #568]

Robin jokes that the guy on the stage makes him want to just hang up his cape and go home, which Bruce admits is the ultimate goal. The purpose of Batman, again, is not to punish. It’s to stop crime, to keep it from happening, and to bring those who commit it to justice. At the same time though, does he think he’ll ever get there? Will there ever be a day he can hang up the cape? Almost certainly not. But that doesn’t mean he won’t try.

[Detective Comics #568]

Just to make sure the point is being driven completely, 100% home, Batman has this moment with Jason after he gives Bruce a bit of an attitude about taking care of a wounded student instead of rushing in with Batman. Batman! Is! About! Compassion!

The rest of this story is just a classic Penguin plot. He’s doing something with birds, blah blah blah. Batman confronts him but he gets away. Batman goes back to the Batcave to do research. Jason tells a corny joke. Batman deduces where Penguin is. He goes and fights some giant falcons. He stops Penguin. All is right in the world.

I will take a moment to say, I like that it's such a classic Batman plot, even though it's tying in with the larger event. It's giving a very grounded approach to what Batman and Robin are up to and what they normally encounter, but it still grounds their story in the context of a larger world. There are other things happening in other books, but that doesn't distract from the fact that Penguin is up to something.

The parting scene of this comic has Bruce and Jason watching the news about a G. Gordon Godfrey rally, and Jason asks Bruce if he thinks that superheroes are holding back “the common man” from achieving their potential.

[Detective Comics #568]

Bruce observes that in the recent fight against Penguin, a civilian was instrumental in his capture, showing that people in spandex do not have a monopoly on doing good in the world. Righteousness is not a limited resource, people just have to do it. Bruce asserts that “the triumph of the common man is assured… whether or not there’s a Batman to help him.”

These first two Batman stories seem to be establishing the thesis statements for Batman. It’s about hope, first and foremost. Hope that people can do what’s right, hope that the work of individuals can stop injustice everywhere. And I love that, because it’s a reminder that Batman is not exactly a grimdark. He’s a gothic character, he’s heavily intertwined with fear, and he’s not opposed to violence… but his core is still a hopeful one. It’s still a kind one. Batman is compassionate, because he was a victim once. He never wants anyone to feel the way he did, because he’ll never forget it. So he reaches out, even to those who he’s bringing to justice, because every person is still a person. There’s a fundamental dignity he affords to every human, but he doesn’t lose sight of the fact that some people disregard others’ humanity–and that is unacceptable.

I really like these two stories as the jumping off point for Batman on New Earth. I’m probably going to write up a little post on the larger Legends event and how Batman plays into it, but we’ll see. 

For these, I also want to point out where comics are collected, if people want to read them themselves. Batman #401 is, to my knowledge, uncollected, but I know Tec #568 is collected in The Dark Knight Detective Vol 1.

#batman #bruce wayne #jason todd #dc comics #androxys reads comics #chit chat

[juantheashura]

First is your date discussion with Nova. When he asks you what it means to be a man, the question seems a bit pointed or weird when you play as trans or nb, bc it doesn't really seem to acknowledge the MC at all. I don't know enough about the context of the question, but depending on MCs genderchoice you might want to offer a couple more variations to the flavortext or answers? (2/3)

Anonymous asked:

The second thing is the rooftop fight with the mind controlled mob. ...They can fly, can't they? most of the civilians are normal people on the ground, couldn't the heroes just.. fly over the mob's head toward the mind controller and take her down directly? If she used the people as hostages maybe, but what's the point of landing in their middle and punching it out? If there is a reason it might help to tell the audience that, bc I at least didn't understand the necessity. (3/3) ---------------------------------------------------

Hello! Two things, first of all: 1) I dunno if Tumblr bugged out or something, but I didn't get the first of your three asks (the 1/3, I mean). If you wouldn't mind resending it, I'd really appreciate it! 2) I'm not really used to Tumblr in general, so I dunno if this is the appropriate way to answer more than one ask in one post. Google said it was, but if any of you have any different suggestions, I'd appreciate it. Now as to the actual content of your asks:

2/3- The question is meant more to be about Nova than the MC. It's meant less in the 'gender' sense, and I guess more in the 'behavioral' one. Nova's had plenty of people try to lambast his behavior or the way he is on the basis that he's a 'man', and thus he needs to act a certain way. The question is more for his benefit, he's trying to see if the MC won't hold him to a standard that he doesn't want to follow.

That said, I reread the section, and I think I understand what you're saying. It could be perceived as if Nova's judging the MC or asking a loaded question to target them, and that's certainly not my intent nor the intent of the character.

I think I have an idea on how to fix that. I'll add a small section for Nova to catch himself and make it clear he's not asking out of malice, and that he just wants to hear different perspectives. (3/3)- You can fly, yes, but the rooftop is meant to be swarming with people. The Controller is surrounded by too many people for the MC to just land next to them. This is hinted a little with Nova's comment beforehand, where he tries to aim one of his mini rockets at the Controller but there's too many people around her to make a clear shot. It's also mentioned a bit before when they spot you, they form a wall to avoid letting the team reach the Controller. I could probably change 'wall' to 'cocoon' and make the amount of people on the rooftop clearer, though! I'll give it a look tonight. Thanks for the feedback! I try to keep things inclusive and allow everyone to be anyone they want to be, but I'm a bit of a dumbass, so I appreciate you guys letting me know whenever there's something that's eyebrow-raising.

#feedback #anon ask #wip ask #a tale of heroes #ask me anything

[oxiosa]

I do have a specific topic in mind for the nsfw, i just kept it vague so that if you werent in the mood for it you wouldnt have to read it hahasa but it's relatively straightforward, i was rereading your smut from after the copa america and how we discussed before that martin is picky about giving oral, so i thought we could expand a little on that and maybe talk abt what moments he might suddenly feel like it and etc (besides after winning lol). basically i'm suggesting a blowjob discussion

Ns/fw Brarg Sunday it is then~

I will stan that Tinchito is picky about giving head, and I have three main reasons for this hc:

My first reason is related to Martín not being as confident as he comes across. He acts as if he believes he is the best damn thing around to the point that even he buys his own act, yes, but he struggles with self-worth. Martín’s big ego comes from his insecurities; it’s him shutting them down by stubbornly reminding himself of past greatness and his unexploited potential, two things he whole-heartedly believes in. Now by this I don’t mean to imply his confidence is fake, he is an egocentric asshole, but it is forced in a way since Martín doesn’t know how to quit. He is proud, strong, and likes to be in control, or in worst-case scenario likes to at least pretend so. Now, having your head between someone’s legs is kinda of a vulnerable position, one in which it’s very easy to suddenly lose this sense of control if your lover decides to take over and have their way. And I think this is one where Martín struggles with it, he doesn’t like to feel he is not in control here, he doesn’t like to feel used, to feel disposable, to feel like a thing. Sex for him is an intimate act that requires respect. In order to yield power and control, he’d have to really and truly trust his partner, he’d have to be certain they respect him and that he is being be cared for.

My second reason is related to that one hc I had about Martín having past bad experiences about sex. Being looked down upon has always burnt Martín’s pride, and I hc past Tinchito really wanted to prove he was a Big Boy during his first decades as a new nation. He wanted to prove his worth for everyone to see, and I think this also extended to sex, a department in which he was not very experienced. As (I think?) I’ve said before, I think that for the sake of keeping up with some former more-experienced lovers, he might have done things he wasn’t ready to do. In a way, I hc he felt challenged and just really wanted to prove a point, was worried his lovers might consider him green and virginal if he refused to certain practices, so he didn’t. He pushed himself into doing certain things he should have waited to do for when he was ready and truly wanted to try them. As time went by, Martín’s character seasoned and he decided he’d be the one to measure his own worth (spoilers: he decided he was fucking great no matter what) and he’d have nothing to prove to anyone. As thus, he also decided he would never again do anything he didn’t feel like doing.

Lastly, as we’ve discussed before, I don’t think Tincho finds dicks particularly pretty or alluring. Mind you, I’m not implying he finds them gross; he has a dick of his own and hey no part of him is ugly in his book, and anyways he ain’t no straight man so of course he highly approves of D. But dick’s are kinda funny looking and ridiculous the more you look at them. Also bj are not something very graceful to perform, the more you think about it in theory the more awkward it becomes (as it happens when you overthink many things tbh). So I don’t think he sees the appeal in the act perse.

Now the next part of the question, when would he feel like giving head? Well, firstly, I don’t think he’s one to perform oral on random strangers. Maybe if his lover has already done it for him and he feels particularly generous as to return the favour, but it has to come from within him, it cannot be asked or implied. If he ever so slightly feels he is being pressured into it, or doesn’t like the way his partner is treating him mid act, he’ll stop all together and gather his clothes and walk away. And he knows this, so honestly I think the chances of some casual fling getting oral from him are very slim, if not zero.

So bjs are mostly reserved for steady relationships. Even then, I still believe he is picky about them for he still is a sensitive boy. I think he needs a partner who makes him feel respected and valued, and the tricky part here is that I hc he needs to feel reassured without being explicitly reassured. Martín has a big ego and any verbal reassurances might come off as condescending to him. Look, he just needs space, needs to set his own pace, but he is no child who needs to be reassured about how great he is doing throughout the act, ok? So just let him work, and let him know how much you appreciate what he is doing and how good he’s doing by letting him hear how much you are enjoying yourself. Moans, groans, sighs, even curses and fond honest praises about how good he or how nice it feels are welcomed. Vocal encouragement does the trick, verbal reassurance doesn’t. He needs to feel appreciated and encouraged but it can’t be done directly and explicitly, he needs to pick it up from his partner’s reactions. He’s a difficult boy if there ever was one /sigh

And this is where Lulu comes in as a perfect lover for Tinchito :D I think Lu being very natural and casual about sex helped in a way. Martín tends to make too much of a deal about most things, bjs included, and I think Lu in a way helped him relax a little about it. His casual “practical” approach to sex helped turn the intensity down, made Tincho a little more flexible. This is about fun and pleasure, isn’t it? It’s ok if Martín doesn’t want to blow him, but it’s also ok if he does. It doesn’t matter what they do or how they do it, sex is not a weapon Luciano will use against him.

I also believe Lulu being very oral fixated helped a lot. Bjs from Luciano come easy, I really like the hc that is one of his fave things to do in bed. And example is the best way to preach, isn’t it? Lu blows Martín all the time, he doesn’t think Martín will mock him or shame him for it, does he? He is no less for it, is he? He’d be an hypocrite if he humiliated Tincho for blowing him. Lu’s oral positivity kinda “normalized” bjs for Tinchito.

Additionally, and this works for my third point about Tinchito being difficult for oral, Lulu being very receptive and vocal during sex is just the encouragement Martín needs. It “empowers” him during an activity that usually doesn’t feel too good for him since it makes him feel like he’s on charge here, which is exactly what he needs. Martín might not get off in takin a dick to his mouth perse, but having Luciano delirious with pleasure because of him really does it for him.

Related the part of winning being one of the things that gets Tincho in the mood for giving head, I think it’s mostly about his self-perception. I think he mostly reserves it when he feels good about himself, truly and genuinely confident and not just his usual self-imposed confidence. Which is why I believe winning puts him in the mood, he feels validated and like the king of the world and hey he might as well share some of his grace with the rest of them mortals, yk? He’s so high up on seventh heaven to feel any of the insecurities and self-consciousness that usually holds him back about oral, he is a generous soul who’ll share his bliss with his partner.

#so it’s mostly when he becomes insufferably and genuinely cocky that he’d go down on his lover #anything that gets to his head helps him give head ;) #that and I also hc he likes to give hc when he feels particularly mischief and like playing with his food and torturing good ol’ Lulu #sometimes explaining martin is hard and I feel I don’t make sense /sigh baby ily but why are you so complicated? #this is too long to be talking about sucking d lowkey judging myself #not sfw #brarg

[clonecest-bin-account]

300 followers bingo - Bad Batch | Band AU

(A story about how the Bad Batch gained a new member)

It’s always been their dream, becoming famous, even if a certain asshole - coff coff, Crosshair, coff coff - likes to act like such childish thoughts are too low for him, and now… well, they haven’t exactly reached it yet, but they’re getting close, Hunter can feel it.

All four of them have always loved music, and they love playing in their band, with Crosshair on guitar, Tech on the keyboard, Wrecker on drums, and Hunter that guides them with his singing. They have been together since they were kids, playing with fake instruments, but as soon as they got old enough, they bought the real deal.

Sure, their music is a bit… particular, to say the least, since none of them has actually studied music - they’ve all learned to play on their own, without the need of a teacher - so it’s not exactly popular, but it’s fine like this: they wouldn’t stand out if they played the same exact shit everyone else plays, right?

 Things are moving up, although slowly, but progress is still progress.

Who would’ve thought that they would be able to find a few gigs around town? Apparently many locals are trying to get some experimental musicians in order to gain attention from the public, whom we know loves curiosities.

It’s their perfect occasion to show others what they’re capable of, getting the local crowd familiar with them and their style of music and publicizing their spotify account as well as their youtube channel, even though they mostly just put their covers there.

 … There’s still something missing to their music, though, something that they could easily fix if they find the right guy: one of the few critiques that they accept about what they produce, is that the baseline is quite weak, because it’s true.

Usually Tech takes care of it, along with Wrecker, but it’s obvious that a proper bassist would make things go way more smoothly.

 There’s only one problem: finding the bassist.

Hunter doesn’t think they’re particularly unlikable, just that they have a quite peculiar dynamic, and yet every time it seems like they’ve found the right one, they always leave in a matter of a couple of days. Oh well, he doesn’t blame them: it’s definitely harder to become famous when you insist on making experimental stuff, rather than following the trends, though where’s the fun in that, he has no idea.

 “We don’t need a bassist,” Crosshair said once.

“Just ‘cause you’re the reason most of them quit, doesn’t mean you have to be an ass about it!” Wrecker replies, but thankfully Tech’s interjection breaks up any potential argument between the two. God knows they have enough of them already.

“It has been proved that adding a base does make our music sound better,” he says, scratching his chin then. “We just need to find someone that gets along with us.”

“Maybe if we ditched Crosshair…”

“Hey!”

“Guys, c’mon,” Hunter intervenes, “there’s no need to fight.”

“Right… Sorry Hunter,” Wrecker mutters, while Crosshair says nothing, though he does lower his gaze.

At that point Hunter sighs, but he goes quickly back to a hopeful demeanor - after all, they all look up to him for guidance, he can’t falter.

“C’mon, let’s not lose hope. We’ll find someone…”

  Indeed, they do find someone.

 It happens almost causally: Crosshair’s browsing the internet, when he stumbles about one of those clickbait-y articles about a talented bassist who’s keeping playing even after losing his arm.

Despite the fact that he’s not expecting to find anything mind-blowing, Crosshair still decides to check the article out of curiosity.

What he finds is the same ol’ tear jerking story that makes him roll his eyes, not because of the story per se, but for how it’s framed. It makes him wonder if the bassist in question, Echo is his name - quite peculiar, it makes him wonder if it’s a stage name like his own is - has read the article beforehand and has approved of what has been written on it. With the way he appears in pictures, he seems humble and nice, so Crosshair doubts it.

Something catches Crosshair’s attention thought: apparently, despite his story, Echo plays solo, but not for personal choice. Just like them, he’s having a hard time finding someone willing to play with him.

At the end of the article, he finds a series of videos in which, he supposes, Echo plays. It’s like they’re taunting him, trying to get him to watch them.

Eh, what the hell, how much could it hurt to give them a peek?

 Well, color Crosshair impressed. He’s not a base expert, of course, but he has never heard someone play like this Echo does; he’s truly a natural. He’s so fast that it seems that he’s barely moving his fingers, to the point that it’s hard for Crosshair to follow each and every movement.

Holy shit, could he be…

“Hunter, come here! You gotta see this guy!”

 Echo manages to charm everyone.

“It’s him!” Wrecker exclaims. “He’s the one!”

“Yes, his addition would be very beneficial to us,” Tech agrees, eyes still peeled to the screen, watching rapt as Echo plays.

Crosshair turns to Hunter. “So? What do you think?”

“He’s good,” Hunter admits, “but I wonder if he’d be willing to give us a chance…”

“He seems nice enough,” Tech comments, but he too seems to share Hunter’s worry.

“In that case, let’s just ask him,” Wrecker suggests. “Didn’t we do the same with the others too?”

“That’s true, it’s worth a shot…”

“C’mon,” Crosshair begins, “we’re all on the same page for once, let’s just do it.”

“Alright,” Hunter concedes, allowing himself to feel hopeful, though then he points at Tech. “But you’re the one writing the e-mail this time.”

Tech chuckles. “Leave it to me.”

  Dear Bad Batch,

I have been a fan of yours for quite some time. I find your take on music refreshing and courageous, which unfortunately isn’t something that I can say for many other artists of this time.

You can imagine how honored I’ve felt reading your e-mail! I’ve never seen myself as someone who can be all that inspiring, so I was surprised to read how much of an impression I’ve made on you.

That said, I would love to meet up and discuss about music and a potential collaboration. Actually, I’m looking forward to it.

Let me know whenever you’re free, and we can arrange something.

Best regards.

Echo.

  Echo’s response has been very quick, which has taken everyone by surprise.

As they read and reread the e-mail, almost as if they expect the text to change if they stare at it hard enough, they can’t help but to smile at each other.

In the end, Hunter has to admit it:

“Yes, guys. I think we’ve truly found the one.”

#300 followers bingo #bad batch #clone trooper hunter #clone trooper wrecker #clone trooper tech #clone trooper crosshair #arc trooper echo #my fics

[laviefantasie]

Not A Fan | Luke Patterson

Mini Series

Pairings: Alive!Luke Patterson x Alive!Reader

Summary: What happens if Sunset Curve loses their sound after their bandmate’s betrayal? Will a certain shy songwriter be able to help Luke Patterson, know narcissistic rockstar, find his inspiration before Sunset Curve’s new demo is due?

| MASTERLIST |

Tags: @hoechx @iainttakingshitfromnobody @phantompogues @ifilwtmfc @who-even-is-galileo @nightfurya @lukewearingbeanies

| PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE |

You had the worst best friends in the entire world.

Only Julie and Flynn would believe it was a good idea to join forces with the members of Sunset Curve and drag you —against your wishes— to the boys’ bus and try to talk you out of giving up on music.

Only having the worst world’s best friends would explain why you were sitting at said bus with your arms crossed while they discussed —rather loudly even if they didn’t believe it— their game plan.

You roll your e/c eyes as you see them turn to stare at you before going back to their discussion.

You stopped listening to them as Flynn’s rambling about how your decision compares to losing Christmas, a holiday she loved, began.

Pathetic.

Couldn’t Julie and Flynn just respect and support your decision? And couldn’t Sunset Curve mind their own business?

You sigh while letting your gaze wander through the band’s tour bus, appreciating the 90’s looking place. It was an interesting choice of style but certainly a pleasing one.

Your gaze wanders around, taking it all in, before you settle on starin out the window, seeing as you guys got closer to Julie’s house. The promise of taking you to the hispanic’s house what stop you from accusing them of kidnapping all of you.

When the bus stopped, you were certainly glad to have an excuse to get off that vehicle and not see those rockstars anymore.

But, of course, said rockstars got off the bus with you three.

Julie and Flynn walking with them to the latina’s home while still talking about you, which made you groan in annoyance.

Maybe you could make a run for it? You didn’t live too far from Julie, it would probably take you ten minutes if you decided to run.

Sighing in defeat, you start walking towards the Molina’s studio.

It isn’t until you’re in front of the big white doors that you hesitate. You hadn’t been there since the death of both of your moms, Julie barely being to open it a few months ago.

Where you really about to go in?

You’re about to turn around and head into the Molina’s household when you stop. You wanted to feel close to her.

As silently as you can, you open the garage’s doors and slip in. Your breath starts coming out slower as your wide eyes stare at the place in front of you, taking it all in.

You had certainly miss it.

With small steps, you start walking through it. Your mind being overwhelmed with happy memories filled with music and laughter.

Julie’s mom and your mom certainly being the best of friends and the best of musicians.

They were who you and Julie aspired to be.

Your e/c eyes finally find the grand piano in which you both sat at each of your mothers’ sides as they taught you both how to play it.

You feel tears start filling up your eyes as you near it, only falling once your hand finally finds itself on top of the instrument.

“I’m so sorry, mom”

Sorry for not coming sooner. Sorry for giving up on music. Sorry for not fighting as much as you should’ve. Sorry for losing yourself.

You allow the tears to fall as they please, closing your eyes to stop yourself from sobbing afraid someone inside the house could hear you.

It is seconds later, as if by destiny, a loud thud is heard through the garage.

Startled, you turn around to find the source of said noise. Your eyesight being met with a light blue notebook you recongnized as the one your mom always carried with her.

Furrowing your eyebrows, you look from the notebook to the loft, guessing it had fallen from up there.

“Weird” you whisper.

Slowly, you walk towards the notebook and open it with a little of hesitation. Your heart thumping loudly at the first page.

PROPERTY OF Y/M/N

You stared at it for a long while, frozen in your place as your tears start to disappear.

Finally, you snap out of you daze and look through it recognizing the songs as the ones she used to sing with Rose all the time.

You smile happily as the sight.

But your smile disappears as you find a song that you don’t seem to recognize. Rereading the lyrics and the chords, you frown as you realize that it wasn’t one she had shown you.

When had your mom written that?

As if by instinct, your feet take you to the piano in the studio.

You hesitate once before sitting on it, the notebook opened on the unknown song right in front of you. You take a deep breath before letting your hands lightly touch the keys.

What were you doing?

Hesitantly, your eyes look through the chords written on your mother’s notebook before gazing back at the piano.

What were you doing?

Your fingers soon start playing the chords of your mom’s song with ease, your fingers moving through the keys as if they’d never stopped playing.

“Here's one thing I want you to know

You got some place to go

Life's a test, yes, but you go toe-to-toe

You don't give up, no, you grow”

She doesn’t realize that the moment she had started playing, the teenagers inside the house had stopped talking in confusion.

Julie and Flynn smiling in disbelief as they hear your powerful voice sound through.

“And you use your pain

'Cause it makes you you

Though I wish I could hold you through it

I know it's not the same

You got living to do

And I just want you to do it”

The words fell from your mouth with ease, as if you had sung it a hundred times.

The soft whisper of your mom’s voice appearing with every verse. As if she was singing it with you, for you.

“So get up, get out, relight that spark

You know the rest by heart”

As the chorus begins, the power of your voice grows. Your fingers moving across the keys on the piano once again. A feeling of belonging settling on you.

This was what you were meant to do.

“Wake up, wake up if it's all you do

Look out, look inside of you

It's not what you lost

It's what you'll gain raising your voice in the rain

Wake up your dream and make it true

Look out, look inside of you

It's not what you lost

Relight that spark, time to come out of the dark

Wake up, wake up”

Luke looks in confusion at the other to girls, who smile with tears in their eyes, before realizing who was singing.

In awe, the lead guitarist heads out of the house looking you. He needed to see it.

Alex and Reggie soon following him with Julie and Flynn not too far behind.

“Better wake those demons

Just look them in the eye

No reason not to try

Life can be a mess

I won't let it cloud my mind

I'll let my fingers fly”

You repeat the pre-chorus once more, letting your eyes blink through your unshed tears. Singing in the Molina’s studio your mom’s song felt like a waking up from a bad dream.

It felt like being able to breathe again.

“And I use the pain 'cause it's part of me

And I'm ready to power through it

Gonna find the strength, find the melody

'Cause you showed me how to do it”

Your fingers stop playing to create momentum before the chorus. Julie’s words repeating themselves over and over in your head.

This is was would keep your mom’s memory alive.

“Get up, get out, relight that spark

You know the rest by heart”

Quietly, the members of Sunset Curve and the two teenage girls stand outside of the garage listening in awe as you sing effortlessly.

Julie and Flynn holding each other’s hands as the tears flow down their faces.

“Wake up, wake up if it's all you do

Look out, look inside of you

It's not what you lost

It's what you'll gain raising your voice in the rain

Wake up your dream and make it true

Look out, look inside of you

It's not what you lost

Relight that spark, time to come out of the dark

Wake up, wake up”

As the bridge of the song starts, you slowly stand up still playing the instrument. Not once your fingers playing the wrong chord or hesitating.

Your voice growing with each sentence, your emotions flowing through the song.

“So wake that spirit, spirit

I wanna hear it, hear it

No need to fear it, you're not alone

You're gonna find your way, oh”

You stopped playing for the first sentence in the chorus, owning the moment.

You’re so into the song that you don’t notice the doors being silently opening as the five teenagers stare at you sing your heart out.

Your passion for music being clear as the light of the sunset behind you. It was truly a sight for sore eyes.

“Wake up, wake up if it's all you do

Look out, look inside of you

It's not what you lost

It's what you'll gain raising your voice in the rain

Wake up your dream and make it true

Look out, look inside of you

When you feel lost

Relight that spark, time to come out of the dark

Wake up”

As the song slows down, you sit once again letting the tears in your eyes once again fall through your cheeks.

Your voice lowering itself as a soft smile graces your features.

“Mmm, wake up”

You take a deep breath as you finish playing the final chords, your e/c eyes going to your mother’s notebook again.

Smiling once you see what is written at the end of the page.

You can do it, Y/N/N. Wake up.

Love, mom.

Your hand lightly touches the words before you let out a shaky laugh, oblivious to the audience you have.

Julie is the first one to step towards you, Flynn being pulled too as their hands are still holding each other, making you finally tear your gaze from the notebook and see them.

They both smile at you brightly, which makes you smile back.

Your best friends soon running towards you and hugging you from each of your sides.

Luke, Alex, and Reggie soon looking towards one another with the same look of astonishment. That song, the way you had played it, your voice. It all had made them get goosebumps.

You had made them feel every word, every chord. All of them knowing they had all felt the same magic the other had with one look.

“You did it!” Exclaimed Flynn happily “I can’t believe you finally sang”

Julie nods in agreement, “And that song! Wow”

They let go of you and you grab the notebook with a soft look before handing it to Julie. The latina going to Flynn’s side so they can both look through it.

“It’s my mom’s” You murmur “She wrote it for me”

Your best friends look read through the lyrics, soft smiles on their faces, before looking at you with pride.

“It’s beautiful” Julie states.

“You were right, Jules” You smile “All this time I’ve been afraid of singing without her when I should’ve been singing for her”

Your friends smile never disappear as you look at them with a happiness you hadn’t felt in a long time.

You were finally you again.

You move you gaze to the three other people in the studio, a teasing smile on your face.

“Something tells me I won’t be getting rid of you soon”

Luke smiles happily at the teasing glint in your eyes before starting to walk towards you.

“Not if we can convince you to let us work on your songs with you and maybe then write some for our new demo”

You narrow your eyes, “Why are you so interested in them? I’m sure you could write another hit album without me just fine”

The three boys look at one another with uneasiness, neither knowing if they were ready to admit out loud what they had realized.

Flynn and Julie stare at the boys with narrowed eyes and crossed arms being your support.

Although, they were trying really hard to not scream at you to do it.

“I...” Luke takes a deep breath before finally meeting your gaze “I can’t”

The words have all the three girls looking at the boys in confusion.

You, knowing very well that the band sung the songs they wrote, were indeed very confused. The vulnerable look in the brunette’s eyes, though, told you there was more to the story.

“I don’t... I don’t understand”

Seeing the hard time Luke has to get the words out, Alex steps up to explain.

“Our rhythm guitarist, Bobby, stole all of Luke’s songs. The songs we had for our new demo” he softly voices “It... it hurt us”

“Luke hasn’t been able to write anything new” Reggie adds “And we haven’t been able to play as we used to”

The article Flynn had shown you that day came to your mind, the one that stated they were coming to LA for inspiration for their new songs.

They had come home in hopes of figuring out how to fix what their former bandmate had broken.

They were fighting to keep the band they’d worked so hard to make.

Although, as you look at the way the hurt in their eyes intensified as the rhythm guitarist’s name was pronounce you knew it was worst than it seemed.

They were fighting to stay together.

“Well, looks like I was right” You voice with a soft smile “I won’t be getting rid of you anytime soon, rockstar”

Luke’s green eyes stare at you brightly as the meaning of your words register in his mind.

Alex and Reggie letting out a jump in excitement of what it meant; Julie and Flynn doing the same behind you.

“This is awesome, so I was thinking we could add a little rid to Edge of Gr—”

You raise your hand before Luke can say anything else, “We’ll start tomorrow, tonight I’ve got to figure out a way to get back in the music program”

Julie lets out a gasp at your words, “Oh my! The music program!”

“Mrs. Harrison has to give you one more try” assures Flynn “There’s no way she won’t let you in once she hears you sing”

You nod at your best friends’ words before looking towards the band once again.

“We’ll meet tomorrow here after school, if that’s okay with you Julie?” Said girl nods “And then, we will talk about the songs”

You stand up from where you are sitting at the piano, going around it to stand in front of the three boys.

Giving them a little sweet smile once you’re looking at them.

“Now, I think we should meet properly” they stare at you in confusion “Your names?”

“Oh!” Voices the blond in surprise” I’m Alex”

“Reggie” adds the one with the leather jacket with a big innocent smile.

The guitarist looks at you with disbelief, you raising an eyebrow at him.

“Oh, come on” he laughs “Do you seriously not know my name?”

You roll your eyes at him before shaking your head. That was a lie though, you knew their names thanks to your best friends being huge fans.

But you weren’t about to boost his ego, it was big enough already as it was.

He stares at you in disbelief, “Luke”

You nod with a victorious smile before looking at your best friends motioning for them to come closer.

They move around the piano to stand at your sides, looks of excitement on their faces as they stare at their favorite band.

You silently wish none of them notice that but the triumphant glint in a certain pair green eyes let you know you’re not that lucky.

“I’m Flynn” stated your the one with braids “Single, by the way”

You close your eyes tightly as you feel Luke’s teasing gaze on you.

“I’m Julie” smiles the latina “Huge fan”

You turn to glare at your best friend, the Molina’s only defense being a shrug of her shoulders.

Turning back to the boys, you glare at Luke as he smiles victorious towards you.

“Y/N”

The two of you stare at each other with intensity, waiting for the other to tear their gaze first.

Alex, Reggie, Julie, and Flynn sharing looks of uncertainty behind both of you.

“Anyways” Alex makes you both turn to him “We should get going and you should start planning what you’ll show your teacher”

You nod in agreement before the three boys leave the garage to head to their bus and start their way to their apartment.

It is only when they are out of sight that Julie and Flynn scream their hearts out. Happy for how the day had turned out.

Not only had you sang again but you were going to write songs with Luke freaking Patterson.

Meanwhile, you stood frozen on your spot thinking about how you were going to tell you dad that you were planning to keep pursuing music.

Worst of all, how would you tell him that you were going to write songs for the band of the moment?

Taking a deep breath, you focus on getting back into the music program. One problem at a time, one problem at a time.

The next day, Alex and Reggie stared with smiles at an excited Luke. The boy running around the apartment with his guitar, coming up with melodies that he thought would sound well with the lyrics he had read in your songbook.

It was the most inspired they had seen him in weeks.

He didn’t know how it had happened, but as soon as he had heard you sing the melodies to your unfinished songs had come rushing to him.

It was as if your voice was what he had needed to get his creativity to flow again.

As he wrote the chords that he thought of for the melodies, your voice sung the words in his head while the different instruments played beside you.

He couldn’t wait for the time to pass so that he could show you what he had come up with.

To say he was excited would be an understatement. The hours were passing to slow for his liking.

“Dude, chill out, you have an hour still”

Alex’s comment has the lead guitarist groaning in exasperation. Could time just move a little bit faster?

“Do you think her teacher let her back in the music program?” Questions Reggie.

Luke stares at the dark-haired bass player with wide eyes, he didn’t have the answer to that question but he certainly hoped you had showed your teacher your worth.

There was no way that they didn’t let you back in. Not with the amount of talent you had.

Sadly, at that moment you were being told by Mrs. Harrison that your spot had already been filled, Julie and Flynn trying to convince her that she had to listen to you and let you back in.

But, unfortunately, Mrs. Harrison’s hands were tied. She wanted to give you another shot, she knew your talent, but she had already waited so long. She had fought for you and Julie when neither of you was willing to sing and now she couldn’t do it anymore. Even if she wanted to.

So, of course, when the school day was over and the boys came to the garage they found you three moping around on the Molina’s studio.

“Did... did we miss something?” Questions Reggie as he takes in what’s in front of him.

Julie sits up from her spot on the floor with a sad look on her face.

“They didn’t let Y/N back in the music program”

“Said I’ll have to try again next year” You add with a pout.

“Can you believe they filled in your spot?” Exclaims Flynn with a frown, “That’s outrageous!”

The three members of Sunset Curve’s mood shift as they notice how this had affected you and your friends.

Luke steps towards you then, holding his hand out with a small smirk, “Get up, shorty, we got music to write”

“Read the room, rockstar” you snap, “I��m grieving”

Alex laughs before going to help Flynn stand up, Reggie walking to help Julie. Luke shaking his hand in front of you with a small tilt of his head.

“You already grieved, now it’s time to move on”

With a huff you take his hand and stand up, grabbing your songbook before walking towards the piano with him following you.

Once you’re both sitting down, the brunette starts showing you what he came up with through your school time. A smile soon takes over your face as you talk about music, showing Luke how you think something could become better.

The other four teenagers watching the way you two easily worked with one another with smiles on their faces.

“Who wants cookies?” Questions Julie with a smile, “We could bake some”

“Oh, oh! Could we do a baking competition?” Asks Reggie excitedly.

Julie looks at him with a soft look, seeing the excitement in his sky blue eyes, before nodding.

“Yeah... Yeah, we could do that”

Reggie celebrates in his place before the four of them make their way to the inside of the Molina’s household, leaving Y/N and Luke alone.

Neither of them noticed though.

You both were too busy excitedly working on the songs to even care. It was amazing how you two understood each other so easily. The boy who was once struggling with his lyrics finding it easier to rhyme when by your side.

That’s why as you decided to bring some snacks for the both of you, Luke looked through both his and your songbooks his mind racing as he found the lyrics he was looking for.

Taking a picture with his phone of the verses in you songbook, Luke closes it before smiling happily. He had the perfect idea to help you get back into your music program, but...

First, he had to finish a song.

#julie and the phantoms #luke patterson x oc #sunset curve #luke patterson #luke patterson x y/n #luke patterson x reader #luke jatp #jatp

[snapefiction]

Someone who appreciates me Pt. 1 - Snapefiction

A/N: Hey! Thank you to everyone who supports my writing. I just recently reached 200 Followers after not even full two Months of starting this Blog and I couldn't be happier that you enjoy my writing. In hopes that you'll like this one too! x

(I tried to use gender neutral Pronouns and Descriptions at first but sadly lost the track of it so it slipped back to a fem!Reader. I'm sorry, I am trying to learn and do better next time.)

❤️ Please remember that English isn’t my native language and that my Writings will include Mistakes and maybe weird formed sentences. ❤️

Pairing: Severus Snape x Y/N, Severus Snape x fem!Reader

Setting: 3-4 Years after the Battle of Hogwarts

Warnings: Mentions of Insults

Word count: 2871

Y/N - Your Name, Y/L/N - Your Last Name, Y/W/A - Your wished Age, Y/B/M -Your Birthday Month

Someone who appreciates me - Pt. 1

,,Dear Professor, As you may know Minerva can be very consistent of certain things. One of these Certain Things seem to be the fact that we both are (if all my given Informations are correct) not currently in a relationship. I do not want to pressure you to read my letter or even answer it but i´d be very thankful if you’d at least let Minerva know about what your intentions are. Since a long time now- to be exact 7 Months and 3 days - she started to play my personal Matchmaker and I’m very sorry that you seem to be chosen by this fate that she gave us as well. So by Merlins Sake I’m going with her wish in hope Minerva may be Satisfied by it.

My Name is Y/N Y/L/N. I´ m currently working for the Ministry but will be switching to the St. -Mungos Hospital soon to continue to work as a Healer. I am Y/W/A years old and will be turning Y/W/A on Y/B/M. I live near the Diagon Alley. I despite the idea of introducing myself to someone else like I just did. It feels like I am exposing myself.

In my free time -which has gotten very rare over the years - I enjoy reading, drinking tea and going on walks. It’s not very much, actually it’s nothing, but it makes me happy. I’m a simple Woman.

Since this is the most awkward Thing I have done in a while i will end this letter down here. In hopes that you’re well and have a great day.

Yours sincerely Y/N YL/N”

Sighing he turned the Letter to look at the sealing. It must’ve sent directly from their workplace as they even used the official seal from the ministry itself for this use. He had to admit that he was lonely. Very indeed but Minerva was taking it too far by now. She tried to set him up a few times yet but he never really went with it. But now that she persuaded another Person to send him a letter directly to his workplace he was fed up. Pity grew in his stomach as he imagined what Minerva must’ve said about him to the other Person. She was always exaggerating about him, his past life and everything from the present. She  mothered and did everything to fuss over him since he was a Student at Hogwarts himself and yes, he had to admit it, he liked it sometimes. Enjoying their annual Tea each Sunday it was alright having her as a Friend. Especially after the Dark Lord passed and he finally got rid of the pressure of hiding. But her well trained skill to brew a perfect tea won’t make up that she tried to play a constant matchmaker for him. 

A deep Sigh left his throat as he sorted his Thoughts. Whatever he’d try to say would lead to a discussion about why she wants him to meet that Person so dearly. It was always a repeating scheme. Getting up from the wooden Chair which could need a replacement he took the letter in his one hand before heading to her chambers.

The Parchment burned in his Hands. Deciding on how he’d like to drop the bomb that he’d prefer to stay alone he kept walking faster. To be honest, he would never admit that towards Minerva nor anyone else and not even himself, he loved the idea of founding a family. He always imagined it as a great Joy since his own family was rather a decent disaster. But he knew what the Newspaper wrote about him after he survived, he knew what rumours go around at the Ministry, he knew how People still degraded him and how everyone secretly was checking twice if he wasn’t secretly still a death eater. He knew, felt and saw it everyday. So it just wasn’t meant to be for him to become the man he dreamt about in private. Maybe i should go back to Cokeworth, get a dog and dedicate my life to the science.

Before he could continue his daydream of vanishing from his current world he reached the door leading to Minerva´s private rooms. Knocking he already knew she was there because the heat from inside and the smell of tea already reached his nose.

After a few seconds he heard her mumbling and finally opening the shrieking door.

,,Severus, my dear. What is it?“ A warm smile formed on her face. He just tried to keep his cold face as he hoped it’d get him further in the argument that he tried to start to prove his point. Silently holding up the Parchment he pointed the wax seal directly towards her.

,,Is it from Y/N?" Her eyes shined brightly and she was already asking him inside as her hands took the letter and she moved her tall figure aside to let him in.

,,Of course it is." He mumbled while making his way over to his usual seat. Watching her reaction as she read the Letter he wished to vanish. It was simply embarrassing.

,,Oh, she can't be serious. I told her to tell you something about herself."

,,She did!" He pleaded.

,,No she didn't! She just talked about me. Oh! The two of you match perfectly. You both are very self conscious about what you are and what you deserve or in general on how to communicate." She went to the kitchen to get kettle.

,,You're just mad that we don't want to play along with your plans." Mumbling Severus knew that she heard every whisper.

,,No you're just mad that I told her about you." Rolling his eyes he watched her setting down the kettle and filling him a cup of tea.

,,I don't need a Relationship." Stating his Fact he hoped it could bury the Topic finally.

,,I know. But it wouldn't harm you as well." Taking a sip from the still brewing water tea mixture he wondered how she wasn't burning herself.

,,Can you just stop setting those things up?" Now it was her who rolled their eyes. ,,Only if you give it one first and one last try. Y/N is very kind."

,,Kindness isn't everything. Her Letter wasn't very tempting."

,,Merlin, if you start judging people over their Kindness I'll lose my mind. You aren't very charming yourself, you twit."

,,You call me a Twit?"

,,You're clearly a Twit."

,,Stinky Witch." Shrugging her shoulder she hid her smile behind her cup of tea before downing it almost completely. ,,One date and I'll stop for good."

,,Do you promise?"

,,I solemnly swear. If this won't work out then you might be a helpless case." Ignoring her spur he gave in. Again.

,,Fine." And so it came that he drank his tea and they chatted about something else. Their Friendship had their own charm. But before Severus could leave to go back to his own Rooms Minerva put the Parchment in his Hands and told him with a warm smile to write back.

It didn't work out like he planned. Actually it was the opposite. He wanted to burn the Letter and forget that it had happened but if it was the only way to get rid of any unwanted dates, matches etc. he would actually give it a chance. Unbelievable. He'd really write Y/N back.

Since it was almost midnight he decided that it was time to continue his paperwork. He couldn't fall asleep until three A.M. anyways if he was able to fall asleep in general. After answering a lot of Letters, correcting some Works and finally writing down what he had to get from his next visit at Diagonal Alley he couldn't stop his mind from wandering to his new acquaintance living there. Wasn't she repelled by his ruined reputation?

Rereading her Letter he was wondering what a type of person she was. How did she look like? What made Minerva think that they'd be a great Match? In his Mind he was starting to puzzle a picture of someone he'd expect to write to. Of what he'd expect someone nice to be and act like. To his surprise it wasn't anything close to Lily. Not at all. It was almost the completely opposite. Bewildered he laid down his feather. He almost hasn't noticed how he started to mindlessly write all the attributes down that he was hoping to find in Y/N.

Nice but not foolish. Intelligence. A dry sense of humor. Challenging. Special. Complementary. Appreciative. Pretty Eyes. A soothing voice. Someone who appreciates work. Someone who appreciates me?

Eyeing the Clock he noticed that it was already past 4 am. Again he was completely loosing his track of time. Packed by the idea of finding something of those attributes in her he grabbed a paper and his feather.

His enthusiasm quickly faded. What was he supposed to say? What did she knew about him? His wide eyes and his raised eyebrows scaled down a bit. This grew to be more complicated than he anticipated.

,,Y/N, I'm sorry that Minerva grew this Mania about you as well. I have known her for a long time by now and can confirm to you that despite all her promises she won't stop setting things up. It seems like it became one of her dearest ways of passing time.

Not knowing of what she has told you about my person I will just start formally.

My Name is Severus Snape. Currently I am still preoccupied as the head of house of Slytherin at Hogwarts. And due to latest events I won't return to teaching soon or anytime again. Most of my time I look out to keep myself busy with science studies, working and reading.

To be completely honest, I promised Minerva to write back as she promised me in return to stop setting any acquaintance with me. Also I feel uncomfortable introducing myself as well. I prefer Meetings.

Yours faithfully Severus Snape"

After his eyes read the letter multiple times he finally got himself to seal it. Watching the wax cool down he noticed how much he hoped that she could at least fulfil on of the attributes he was looking for. Hope? Don't make a fool out of yourself. She will probably loose her interest soon.

But she didn't. He sent his Letter around 4:50 am and already at 8am after he slept 2 full hours she sent her response. Not truly believing his eyes that Y/N was answering and not someone who would want to mess with him he quickly opened it. This Time the Seal was a different one. One that contained her Initials.

,,Dear Severus, Taking it from your response I anticipate that we are on first name base now? If that's so completely fine with that.

Reading your Letter I had to laugh. Minerva is simply one of a Kind and somehow I feel very reliefed that you're as uncomfortable as I am.

Maybe that's a great opportunity to admit that I already know a lot about you. Minerva is very chatty and as you probably already are aware of your Name is very well known and greatly appreciated. And by that I don't mean that that's the Reason why I decided to write you but I mean that I'm impressed by you. I actually chose to follow Minerva's will to contact you because she introduced you as a very kind, intelligent and somewhat funny Man. And despite the fact that I am happy by being alone I can't deny that the idea of meeting someone like you was interesting me. Someone who Minerva introduced as a great Friend. This may sound cheesy but you deserved to get known to my intentions.

You mentioned that you prefer Meetings. What about a Meeting at the Three Broomsticks? I bet you know a lot funny stories about Minerva which I'm not aware of yet. Name a Time and Day and I'll be there. And if it makes you more comfortable- you can decide if it's as friends or if you want to call it a date. As I already said I'm mainly interested in getting known to you.

I hope you'll have a successful Morning and i'm expecting your Owl.

Yours sincerely Y/N YL/N"

That wasn't like anything he expected. She wasn't disgusted by everything he did? She wanted to meet him? He thought that she'd politely decline and he'd get rid of all the fuss but she actually sounded nice. Should he give in?

Some time has passed since he received her letter. To be exact four days and nights. Severus told himself that he had gotten busy in hopes this could ease his guilty Feelings. But Minervas Questions wouldn’t stop and he had to make the decision he was shoving back for too long. He just wanted to end that Matchmaking Service and now it had gotten him to the point where he was too nervous to answer a simple letter after the Person openly admitted their interest in him.

Hoping for someone to take the Decision which now laid heavy on his shoulders he wandered around the corridors. His duties for the day have been already done by now and he was just looking for a task to get his mind of the Woman’s Name. He was too nervous to answer, way to nervous. It was nice to get known to someone, yes. But it was too early for him. He hasn’t recovered yet and still felt hurt from his past. Who could blame him? No one. Right? Slowly he started to feel better. Like it was a great opportunity to back off and make this another awkward Memory he had in one of his many brain cells. He won’t answer her. That’s it.

Feeling some Weight flowing off his shoulders he reached his Chambers. He should at least answer Harry. Since he had graduated two and a half years ago he still checked up on him. It simply was his promised duty to do so. Thinking of Questions to ask Harry about his new Life as a Auror and about his Girlfriends Ginny Weaslys as a Professional Quidditch Player he grabbed some Parchment and took his Feather. Dipping it into the small ink Pot he had to notice it was empty. Annoyed he took the List he had put in his drawer in his hands. Diagon Alley, was written on it. Tea, Ink, a new Book and some Parchment.

,,Dunderhead.“ He called himself as he again rolled his eyes. He had forgot to get his supplies. That one Task had slipped off his mind. Annoyed and grumpy as always he gritted his teeth while grabbing his Coat and using his Cabin to reach named Diagon Alley. Slighty coughing he scrunched his nose. As Years have passed he grew to hate using Floo Power. 

Diagon Alley was shining. Lights from every Window invited Passengers into their Shops. But Severus wasn’t the Man to just go shopping and buying random Things. He was organised. So Organised that a simple Woman who showed slight interest in him could get him off his tracks. Ironic. He worked Years as a spy and now a simple Letter did this to him.

His Feet lead his set route to the Shop where he got the Parchment and some ink and afterwards to the Teashop. The last station was the Book Shop. It was the only stage where he was spending an unknown amount of time each time he got there. Words always had a big impact on him. Of course Actions were important too but it are words who seduce him easily.

That’s why he was carrying his now heavy bag through the huge aisles of Books trying to find a new object of Desire. He was very fond of almost every Herbalism, Potion and Healing Book so it had to be something new. His Position as Head of house was boring him. He needed something to do. So he decided to focus his energy on Books and as already mentioned Science.

Opening a smaragd green book he followed some lines about Muggles. Even though he never found himself very intertwined in this Topic he gave it a chance. The fact of how well written and even advanced it was was interesting him. Putting it in his little Basket he continued to decipher the Book Titles. Death Omens: What to Do When You Know the Worst is Coming. Taking it in his Hands he way eyeing it closely.

,,I hope you aren’t expecting anything bad, Professor Snape. That's a dangerous Book.“ Caught he quickly looked to his side. A young Woman was smiling nervously at him. Confused he tried to remember her. Was she a Student? A former Death eater? Merlin, no. She was too young to be a death eater.

,,Y/N.“ Her cheeks blushed now and she lowered her glance shortly. ,,Y/N Y/L/N. I thought it might be not very polite if I wouldn’t even say hello since we somehow know each other.“ Getting lost in her eyes he quickly forgot his Plan on to stop thinking about her and not writing her back.  

to be continued. last update 30.jan.21

Taglist: @deepperplexity  , @monstreviolet , @wow-life-love4 , @lizlil , @once-upon-an-imagine , @darkthought15 , @elizabeth-baelish , @looseheartedlady , @ithinkweallsing , @simpforsnape

Let me know if you want to be added to my Taglist. :)

#Severus snape #snape #Severus Snape x reader #Severus Snape x y/n #snape x reader #snape x y/n #prosnape #snapefiction #my writing

[cherrybracelets]

Freefall

aaron hotchner x fem!reader

word count: 15.3k | warnings: smut!!!! alcohol mention, murder mention, rape mention, lots of typical cm violence! 

inspired by: its called freefall by rainbow kitten surprise (i highly recommend listening to this song before or during reading!)

Anyway, you say you’re too busy saving everybody else to save yourself / And you don’t want no help, oh well / That’s the story to tell

ok i have put my blood sweat and tears in this lamfkndksjfj this has been my wip for almost 3 weeks this is my entry for @veraiconcos​ fic challenge!! her prompt fit so perfectly with this fic so i am so excited to share it with you guys. this is by far my most challenging piece and the one i worked the longest on. i really hope you all love it, feedback is much appreciate. i am tagging some moots to signal boost this, i hope u dont mind 

Aaron- 

This woman killed my dad. They said you’d be able to help. Please find her. 

Aaron ran his fingertips over the letter one more time, feeling the depth of the pen, the engravement of each letter into the crisp stationary. He reread the words for a thousandth time, wondering if this time he could discover who actually sent the letter. But unfortunately, just like the past times, there was nothing to indicate who the sender was. The only other thing in the picture was a photograph of a young woman, the person Aaron believed was the murderer. Her face was mostly covered, and he was almost certain the short black bob that sat on her head was a wig. There was nothing about the photo that would help identify her, but on the back of the photo was a date- May 7th 2020, and a city, Sante Fe, NM.

He continued to stare at it, hoping some new information would pop out at him this time. But there was nothing, and he knew if he wanted to find whoever was responsible for this crime, he would need to involve the team. Whoever sent this clearly only wanted Aaron involved, even addressing him personally as Aaron and not Agent Hotchner.. Who could this person be? And who sent him Aaron’s way? 

“You’re here early,” JJ hesitated, walking through the doors of the BAU to begin her day.

“Yeah… I’ve got kind of a… thing?” Aaron stammered over his words, trying to decide how he should go about this. 

“What’s going on, Hotch?” 

“Come take a look at this. It was on my desk yesterday.” Hotch waved JJ over to him, holding the letter tightly in hands. He handed it to her hesitantly, still not feeling comfortable sharing with the rest of the team. It could be a prank, a practical joke, somebody just trying to waste his time. But how did it find it’s way onto his desk? Who would be messing with him like this? 

“Was there an envelope?” JJ asked, staring at the words on the paper. 

“Yes, addressed to me, but no return address. It seems like it was hand delivered.” 

“The handwriting looks like a teenagers, how would he have made it all the way from New Mexico?”

“Maybe somebody else delivered it?”

Aaron and JJ’s attention was quickly taken away when Spencer and Derek walked through the doors, their loud voices cracking through the quiet air of the BAU. They were arguing about something pointless, as they usually did. Aaron felt his head throbbing as the day started to begin, unsure of how much longer he’d be able to make it without some strong coffee. 

“JJ, keep this between us for now. I’ll bring it to Garcia, see if she can find anything worth investigating. I don’t want to bring it to the team unless I’m sure we have a case.” 

“Understood.” JJ smiled kindly at him, a look he was all too familiar with. Ever since Haley died, it felt like everyone was constantly walking on eggshells around him. Everyone felt bad, and they did whatever he asked without complaint. From a boss standpoint, it was nice, not having to argue your decisions to your team. But, they were more than his team. They were his friends, and he felt he lost them the same day he lost Haley. 

Aaron greeted Spencer and Derek quickly, not wanting to get pulled into whatever discussion they were having. He was holding onto the letter tightly, afraid of losing it. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he just had a feeling about it. Like he had stumbled onto something huge, and whatever Garcia could find out would lead them to something unbelievable. 

“Hey, Garcia. Any chance I could have you work on something… private, for now?” Aaron stood in the doorway of her office, all of the bright screens making him wince. His headache was only getting worse as the day went on. 

“Of course, sir. Is everything okay?” She looked worried, for sure hoping that whatever secret task she was performing for him had nothing to do with Haley. Although he knew she would never say anything, he could tell she was worried about him. 

“I need you to check deaths in Santa Fe, NM from May 5th - May 9th. Specifically look for men with teenage sons.”

“Just homicides?” 

“No, any deaths. And see if you find anything suspicious.”

“Alright…” Penelope said, furrowing her brows in confusion. “It might take a bit. Santa Fe’s a big city.”

“Just get back to me when you can, Garcia.” Aaron smiled slightly at the technical analyst, before leaving quietly. His head was begging him for caffeine, or Advil, or a drink, even though it was barely 9 in the morning. 

He walked quietly back to his office, not talking to any of his team, closing the door behind him as he got inside. There was a sick feeling in his stomach, most likely caused by the cigarette he snuck this morning on an empty stomach. He paced uncomfortably, dry swallowing an Advil he found in the back of his desk drawer. He knew it would take Garcia a while

to get his information, but he was feeling exceptionally frustrated and impatient. He started to walk towards the door, feeling the need to to pester his analyst to work quicker, but as he opened it, JJ stood pleasantly in the door. 

“We got a case, boss,” she smiled, waving an envelope in the air. 

“Alright, let’s get to the conference room.” Aaron closed the door to office, following his Agent into the annex. He felt sick as he took his seat, not ready for whatever horror was about to be presented. Some days he felt like giving up, like throwing in the towel. He has given this job everything he had, and what did he get in return? 

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Aaron and the team left an hour later for their newest destination, solving the case within 3 days. They were headed back to DC on the jet when he got a call from Garcia. It was rare she would call him personally if they were not working a case, so he knew it must’ve been about the letter. He waited a moment before answering, anxious about what her news could be. What if she found nothing, and this was the end of the line? 

“Hello, sir. I wanted to call as soon as I could.” She sounded nervous, a tone of confusion in her voice. 

“What’s going on, Garcia?” 

“Well, it’s about the letter. I found something… interesting.” 

“Do you think we could have a case?”

“It’s a high possibility, sir.” 

“Alright. Can you patch into the computer and share with the team. I’d like to bring them in on this as well.”

“Sounds good, see you in a moment.”

Aaron hung the phone up, walking back to the main part of the jet and back to the rest of the team. They were spread out, all enjoying the calming feeling of a solved case. Spencer and JJ were sleeping, Emily and Derek both with headphones in and Rossi reading a book. He hated to bother them, hated to disturb their peace they all deserved. But that was the job- there was no peace. They all had to endure constant chaos so that innocent people didn’t have to. 

Aaron turned on the lights of the jet, alarming his team and causing several groans of frustration. 

“What’s going on, Hotch?” Emily asked in desperation, her eyes squinting as they adjusted to the light. 

“I’m sorry to bother everyone, but I think we might have a new case.” Aaron looked around the room, slowly watching the faces of his friends change from their relaxed state to the intensity of a profiler. 

“Is this about… the thing from a few days ago?” JJ asked quietly, not wanting to bring it up if it wasn’t the case. 

“The letter, yes.” 

“Hello, my sleepy friends. I am sorry to bother you, but I have stumbled across something interesting that I believe requires your attention. Uh, Hotch… would you like to…” she trailed off, looking around for her superior to explain how they ended up here. 

“I received a letter a few days ago… someone asking us to look into the death of their father. It was anonymous, there was a picture along with it but it still wasn’t enough to do much on my own. So, I handed over what I had to Garcia and…” Aaron trailed off, realizing now he hadn’t even asked Penelope what she got before bringing the rest of the team in. 

“I guess that’s where I come in. So, as per our humble leader, I searched for deaths of men on the given dates with teenage sons, and as I expected, that list was quite large.” 

“Why teenage sons?” Derek asked, still trying to fill in the gaps of information. 

“The letter was clearly written by a young boy, no older than 16 was my guess,” JJ added, explaining her conclusion to the team. 

“Garcia, were you able to narrow down the list?” Aaron asked, desperately wanting to know what she found. 

“Well, I got rid of anyone whose death was expected. People who were sick or in the hospital, with underlying medical conditions, et cetera et cetera. Once we narrowed it down to deaths that were true accidents, I had a list of three.” 

“How do we know this isn’t just a prank?” Rossi asked. It was a fair question, a question he frequently asked himself as well. 

“Ah, well, if it was a prank I wouldn’t have found out what I did…” 

“That looks like the face of someone who’s about to tell me I’m not going home tonight,” Derek laughed, turning to Emily, who rolled her eyes. 

“Unfortunately it does seem like there’s a case here. One of the men that I flagged as ‘Could Be A Murder Victim’ has a… bad past.” One thing that Aaron always admired about Penelope is how she always managed to speak with such lightness, no matter how heavy the content of her words. “42-year old Derek Hood was killed on May 7th, ruled as an accidental drug overdose. There was some chatter that it may have been suicide, but there was no note and the family insisted he wouldn’t have killed himself.” 

“So what makes you think it was murder?” Spencer asked.

“Alright, get this. Our man Jason was on trial two years ago for the rape of three different 16 year old girls. It was declared a mistrial, unfortunately, after all three of the girls refused to testify at his trial.”

“Is it possible he threatened them? This could be a revenge killing, if that was the case,” Emily added. 

“Ah, I thought that too, my friend. But all three of the girls are now in college and far, far away from Sante Fe. So, that was kind of a dead end.”

“What about the parents?” Aaron questioned. 

“We think alike, sir. All three of their families still reside in Santa Fe, and three weeks before Jason’s death, all three couples withdrew $15,000 cash from their banks. One family stated it was for a pool, the other for a car, and the last family stated it was for bathroom renovations.” 

“Were any of those projects completed, Garcia?” 

“To the best of my knowledge, no.” 

“So this is what I think it is, then,” Rossi asked, looking up towards Aaron for confirmation. 

“It’s most likely a hitman, yes.” Aaron looked around at his team, a feeling of worry drowning him. Hitmen were exceptionally dangerous, and so were the routes to get to them. It was an extremely well protected underground business, and the chances of catching one successfully, with no one hurt, were very slim. 

“Wait, but our unsub is a woman. The photo very clearly showed a female, and even in the letter, the boy addresses her as ‘This woman.’” 

“Could we see the picture, Garcia?” Aaron asked, staring at the monitor as he awaited the photo. 

“Maybe they’re dressing as a woman to distract any possible witnesses?” Rossi added. The photo then popped up on the monitor, the same hidden person that was ingrained in Aaron’s brain. He couldn’t forget her, her shielded face, cheap wig, perfect body… 

“That is definitely a woman, guys. You can’t fake that body…” Derek laughed, causing a wave of eye rolls and a slight shove of disgust from Emily. 

“A female hitman… that is exceptionally rare.” 

“Maybe she’s killing for justice? I mean, Jason was a piece of shit. And he somehow got away with his crimes, maybe this is punishment,” Derek added, always the first to try to come up with some sort of explanation. 

“Why would she charge the parents almost fifty grand, though? That clearly makes it about money,” Emily rebutted. 

“Garcia, is there any way we can find out who they gave that money too?” Aaron asked, hoping for a quick and easy answer, but he knew nothing was easy at this job. 

“Since they took it out in cash, there’s no way to trace it, sir.” 

“We’ll need to talk to the parents.” 

“They won’t say anything, you know how that goes,” JJ said. 

“We’ll target one of them, whichever is the most unstable. Promise them immunity. That usually works in situations like this.” Aaron looked at the team, noticing how tired they were. He knew how bad they needed to go home, sleep in their own beds, wash their hair with something other than hotel shampoo. But this was big, he could feel it. And they probably did, as well. It was their life, they were all aware of how crazy this career path could be. But, just because he knew that, it didn't make it any easier on Aaron when he had to push them to their limit.  “We need to turn the plane around to Santa Fe. If this person is local, it’s best that we’re on the scene.” 

“Can we at least stop home so I can get some new clothes?” JJ groaned, looking at the team in desperation for support. 

“Fine. Can we be back in the air in two hours?” 

“We can make that work,” Spencer agreed. 

“Alright. Thanks, guys.” 

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Santa Fe was hot. The kind of hot that made it impossible to breathe, and your clothes felt like they had melted into your skin. Aaron could feel his skin on fire, burning hotter and hotter as he stood under the desert sun. Emily stood next to him, glistening in a thin layer of sweat. The two of them stared closely at a house across the street, taking in every detail. 

“You ready?” Emily asked, her voice cracking through the quiet air like a whip. 

“Uh… yeah,” Aaron stuttered, his brain feeling off. He had a feeling whoever this person was, she wasn’t in Sante Fe. This was a big operation that they had stumbled upon, and he had a bad feeling about the way it would end up. 

Aaron followed Emily to the door, feeling exceptionally guilty as they entered the front yard of a family whose lives had been destroyed- and all they were there to do was destroy them further. He knew they only did what they did to avenge their daughter- and he understood. Sometimes he wondered if he should’ve done the same thing with Foyet.

“Are you alright, Hotch? I don’t mean to overstep, but you don’t seem like yourself,” Emily questioned, stopping in her tracks before they made their presence  known to the family. 

“Just have a bad feeling about this one, I guess,” he responded, rubbing his head with his thumb and forefinger. “Let’s get this over with…” 

“Aye aye, sir.” 

The two of them walked to the front door of the small house, knocking slightly quietly on the white painted wood of the door. An older man opened the door, immediately tensing up as he saw the two of them. They looked like Agents- or at the very least, local detectives, and the man was pretty quick to understand why they were there. 

“Are you Bradley Mathis?” Emily asked, standing a few inches in front of Aaron, clearly trying to take the lead on this. It was probably for the best, since his head was not on right today. In all honesty, his head hadn’t been on right since Foyet. 

“Who are you?” Bradley asked defensively, crossing his arms across his chest and backing away from the door. 

“Mr. Mathis, I want to assure you that if you cooperate with us, there will be no trouble. We understand you did everything to protect your daughter, and we aren’t looking for trouble. We just want to find the person who did this for you.” As Aaron spoke, he realized how scary this must be for him. His daughter was brutally attacked, they found the man that hurt her, and then he threatened her into silence so he could walk free. If it had happened to Aaron’s kid, he would’ve killed the son of a bitch with his own bare hands. 

“You promise me nothing will happen to me?” He asked defensively, his eyes darting nervously across the room.

“I never met her, okay. I swear,” he responded in relief, as if he’d been waiting for the moment he could finally tell somebody. It was exhausting caring around those kinds of secrets. “I got her info from a friend. You go to the website, submit your claim, and she’ll send an assistant out to decide if she’ll take you on as a client. If she decides to help you, you’ll give half the money up front, and half upon proof of… death,” he whispered, closing his eyes as he spoke the words.

“That’s pretty standard practice for what she is…” Emily added. 

“How did you find her website?” Aaron asked, wanting to leave this man in peace as quickly as possible. 

“There’s some… tricks to finding her. Give me one second,” he said, turning around quickly and darting to another room. Emily reached for her gun defensively, but Aaron put a hand on her shoulder and shook his head. 

“He won’t run.” 

“How do you know? He has every reason to dart.” 

“I just know. He’ll be back. Trust me.” Aaron looked to his Agent, kindly suggesting but also ordering her to relax. She nodded, crossing her arms as the pair waited for Bradley. As Aaron suspected, he came back a few minutes later with a beat up piece of paper. 

“Someone I know from the support group gave me this. It’s how to contact her.” He handed them a brochure that was in pretty bad shape, but still legible enough to understand where to go. From the outside, it looked like a brochure for a dental surgery. But there were certain words highlighted, most likely by whoever gave Bradley this in the first place. It mapped out clear instructions on how to contact this mystery vigilante. 

“That’s all I know. I swear.” 

“I believe you,” Aaron responded, noticining the calmness flooding over Bradley’s face as Aaron spoke. “You can never tell anybody this, do you understand?” 

Bradley nodded, his mouth glued shut as the reality of the situation finally weighed on him. He noticed the guns holstered to Emily and Aaron’s hips, and quickly shut the door, no goodbye’s needed. 

“If she’s sending people to meet potential clients before she meets them, she isn’t local,” Emily put together, shaking her head in shock as the pair walked back to their car. 

“No, she’s not. Which means we need to get back on the plane ASAP. Send this over to Garcia, I’ll call the team and tell them to meet us back at the jet.” 

“Sounds good.” 

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“Hello, angels. Are you ready for all the answers to your prayers?” Garcia’s voice popped through the stiff air of the jet, breaking through the harsh waters like a ray of sunshine. 

“Were you able to find her, Garcia?” 

“Of course, sir. Our girl is fancy. You need five grand upfront just to meet with her. Her website looks like it was designed for a five star hotel. She is legit.” 

“Can we actually find her, Penelope?” Aaron had raised his voice slightly, frustration starting to set in. He just wanted this to be over, he wanted to bring her in and end this. 

“Yes, yes. Sorry. Our girl goes by the name Ananke.” 

“That’s not very intimidating,” Derek laughed, shaking his head as he sat back in his chair. 

“Well, kind of. Ananke is a greek goddess, specifically known as one of the most powerful deity’s to control fate and circumstance. It’s pretty fitting, giving what she does.” 

“The only way to meet her is to submit an appointment request, which is easier said than done. She has a legit system, requires a birth certificate, social security number, and a license or passport.”

“And five G’s,” JJ added. 

“Can we create fake documents and submit them? Maybe have someone undercover go meet her.” 

“I’ll do it. This has been my case from the beginning, I’d like to end it as well,” Aaron said, assuring his team he would finish this. 

“I can get everything made up and submitted before you land.” 

“Is there any way to figure out where she’s located?” 

“Unfortunately not at the moment. I am still digging though, it’s possible I missed something.” 

“Thanks, Garcia. We’ll see you soon.” 

The team made some more small talk after that, realizing there wasn’t much they could do unless they had a location. Aaron’s head was beginning to throb again, absolute exhaustion overcoming him as he sat down and let himself relax for the first time in days. He missed Jack, he missed the comfort of his own bed, the smell of his cheap laundry detergent. He realized he was digging his nails into his palms, his flesh barely intact as he released his tension. 

The rest of his team had broken up into their own conversations, ignoring the crumbling mess that was Aaron Hotchner. He walked to the bathroom quietly, snooping through the cabinets and finding a small bottle of vodka. He downed it quickly, letting the liquor burn the back of his throat and take his mind off of everything else. Even if it was for a moment, the distraction was welcomed, and almost necessary for him to keep going. 

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It was two full days- almost forty eight hours exactly- when they finally heard back from Ananke. She had agreed to meet with ‘Zachary Wilson’ who was looking for revenge against the drunk driver that killed his wife. And to the whole team’s surprise, it appeared that she was located in DC. Ananke herself said she would meet him, stating that she was ‘in the area’. 

The address she gave them appeared to be a popular nightclub in college town, one that Aaron had unfortunately been dragged to on multiple occasions. The team agreed that Aaron should meet her alone, the team standing outside to come in if necessary. She wanted to meet him on a Friday night, which meant the place would be flooded with innocent civilians. It was safest if they stayed out of it, at first. 

By the time Friday rolled around, Aaron had barely eaten in days. He was staying alive on coffee, tylenol, and mini bottles of vodka he could keep in his pockets. Oh, and the occasional cigarette was a necessity as well. He had waited anxiously for what felt like weeks to meet her. This case had been weighing on him since the moment he received that letter, and he wanted it to be over. He wanted the anxiety and the chaos to be over. But, once they solved this one, there would just be another after, and the cycle of chaos and anxiety begins all over again. 

“I hope you know you can't dress like that,” JJ said, teasing Aaron with a light shove as she walked past him. 

“Why?” 

“It’s… a business suit, Hotch. And you're going to a nightclub. It screams Fed.” 

Aaron looked down at himself, realizing JJ was right. His vibes screamed ‘Cop’, and that was exactly what he did not want. 

“Don’t worry, sir. I have something you can borrow from my go bag,” Derek suggested. 

“Hotch in Derek’s clothes? That’s something I’ll pay good money to see,” Emily laughed, JJ giggling alongside her as Derek rolled his eyes and threw clothes at the two of them. 

“You think these will work?” Derek asked the girls, not bothering with Aaron’s opinion. 

“Oh, it’s perfect. Hotch will love these,” they laughed, neatly folding the clothes and handing them to Aaron. He walked away in silence, heading towards his office so he could change. The clothes weren’t a perfect fit, but they were better than his suit. The shirt was way too tight, with a v-neck that was way too deep. His arms felt like they would rip right through the cheap cotton, and his ass felt like it was going to bust straight out of the denim. 

He began to walk out of the office quietly, hoping that the rest of the team wouldn’t be waiting for his fashion show. But as he figured, they were standing by patiently for him to show off in Derek’s way too tight clothes. As soon as he opened the door, a riot of laughs and cat calls surrounded him. He felt himself blushing, which was something he hadn’t done in a long time. 

“Damn, Hotch. Where have you been hiding those arms?” Derek laughed, his voice echoing through Aarons head. 

“I think we need to start casual Friday,” Spencer added, staring in awe at his boss. 

“Alright, enough guys. This is a serious case, and I need everyone to be on their best behavior.” 

“I’m not sure I can act right with you walking around like that,” Rossi joked, causing the rest of the team to burst out with laughter. Aaron just rolled his eyes, secretly appreciating the light that they all brought to his life. 

“Alright, you guys ready to go?” 

“All set. Let’s go catch a killer, sir.” 

The ride to the club was a bit of a hike, a little over thirty minutes by the time they parked. They were split in two cars, seperated to cover both entrances. The plan was for him to go in and assess the situation, hoping he can get her out without harming any bystanders. If he needed backup, he had an alarm he could trigger that would alert the rest of the team to come in. It was a simple plan, one they had executed a thousand times in the past. But despite that, he felt extremely anxious. 

“Are you ready, Aaron?” Rossi asked, raising his eyebrows in concern. 

“Yeah, let’s get this over with. Stay alert, guys.” Aaron walked out of the car and to the entrance of the club, staring directly at the large bouncer standing in front of the door. He was given very specific instructions on what to see when he approached the man, ones that would deliver him directly to Ananke and avoid having to deal with the actual club. 

“You on the list?” The bouncer asked as Aaron approached, not even bothering to look up from his clipboard. 

“I’m here to see… A,” he whispered, looking around frantically to see if anyone else heard. 

“You got your ID and confirmation number?” He asked, setting his clipboard down and staring intensely at Aaron. 

“Uh, yeah. It’s 73491. And here’s my drivers license,” he responded, handing him the forged Virginia license of one Zachary Wilson. 

“Zachary Wilson…” the man whispered, making Aaron sick to his stomach as he awaited the man to deny him and send him away, ruining his chances of finding her forever. “You’re gonna go in this door, right here,” he said, pointing towards a hidden and seemingly locked door to his right. “Take the stairs all the way up, knock on the door twice. She’ll be right with you.” 

“Thank you,” he responded, relieved as he began to walk past the guard and towards his end goal. 

“Oh, and Zachary,” the man added, causing Aaron to turn around in confusion. 

“Remember: lei è dalla nostra parte,” he said, a smile creeping on his face as he spoke. Aaron recognized the language as Italian, but he couldn’t translate what he was saying. The bouncer turned around before Aaron had the chance to ask what he meant, but he figured it would just be better to move on and go directly to her. 

He slowly opened the door, unsure of what he would find on the other side. To his surprise, it was only an exceptionally narrow staircase in a small hallway, leading directly to another gray door. The sound of fluorescent lights buzzed in the air, making Aaron dizzy as he walked up the steep steps. He remembered what the man said- knock twice. He also remembered the phrase in Italian, lei è dalla nostra parte. And when he finally got to the door, he began to unravel the words in his head. He knocked twice, replaying the words over and over. And when he finally heard the door click open, he understood what the man had meant. She is on our side. 

“Zachary?” A man asked, opening the door slightly, only enough to peak out at him. 

“Yes. I’m here to see-” 

“Ananke. Of course,” he interrupted, swinging the door open and revealing an exceptionally beautiful and ornate room. Aaron walked in slowly, in a daze, his eyes not sure where to look as every piece of the room exceptionally thought out. There was a beautiful chandelier hanging from the ceiling, the light reflecting rainbows from the crystals. 

“She will be with you shortly. Feel free to have a seat somewhere. Can I get you anything to drink?” 

Aaron felt like he was at a hotel, the service impeccable as he sat down on the incredibly comfortable and probably very expensive couch. Most hit men he had met with did not present themselves like this. Whoever she was, she had a lot of money. In that moment, he wondered how many lives she had taken- how many people finally got what they deserved. And for a brief and frightening moment, he wondered if she was doing things right? 

His thoughts were interrupted when she walked out. Not only did he lose his train of thought, but his breath was literally ripped from his chest. She was no longer covering her face, or wearing a wig. She had finally revealed herself to him, and he was in awe. She was absolutely stunning- beautiful to a level that made his head spin and his heart cramp up. He stood up instinctively, feeling the need to stand and greet her face to face. As she walked closer, he felt his throat getting tighter and tighter. 

“Hello,” she spoke, her words floating through the air like a flower in the spring wind. “I’m Ananke.” 

“Mhmm, he,” he stuttered, sticking his hand out to shake hers. “I’m…” he choked, unable to get his words out. 

“Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner, right?” She smiled, and Aaron instinctively reached for his gun. 

“Put your weapon away, Aaron. I’m no threat to you,” she instructed, and he complied. For some reason, he believed her. She had no intention of hurting him or anyone else in this building. He didn’t need his weapon. 

“How do you know who I am?” 

“The FBI has a list of Social Security numbers they regularly use for fake documents. It’s… a hard list to get your hands on. I’m lucky I have friends in high places.” 

“So you knew who I was from the minute I submitted my application?” He was shocked, a sick feeling washing over him. Who was she? How was she consistently one step ahead of them? 

“I’m sorry to break your sense of superiority, agent. It hurts when someone is smarter than you, doesn't it?” She tilted her head at him, a devilish grin pasted across her face. He wanted to hate her, he wanted to be angry, but all he could focus on was the fire burning inside of him and the hunger building itself, the craving overcoming her. Her skirt revealed a little too much of her thigh and her shirt was a little too low cut and the thought of her flesh on his rippled its way through his body. 

“Well, we found you and I’m going to arrest you, so it doesn’t seem like you came out on top here,” he responded, avoiding eye contact as he tried to get his impure thoughts out of his head. 

“Agent Hotchner, something you will quickly learn is that I only come on top.” She winked at him, pursuing her lips slightly and smiling. She held her wrists out to him, walking towards him until she was only inches away. “Are you going to arrest me, Agent?” 

Aaron reached for the cuffs in his back pocket, pulling them out slowly and staring directly at her. She didn't take his eyes off of him, standing tall as he began to cuff her. Her hands were soft, almost comical as they brushed against his rough and untouched skin. He didn’t speak, and neither did she. He just closed the cuffs on her, her large eyes staring up at him like a doe. He felt dizzy again, the intoxicating smell of her perfume, the subtle hints of berries and vanilla surrounding him in a whirlwind. 

He slowly grabbed his phone from his pocket, trying to dial Rossi’s number, feeling drunk as he pressed the button. What was wrong with him? And what was wrong with her? Why would she willingly let herself get arrested so easily? That was the problem. This was exceptionally easy. Nothing was ever this easy. 

“Hey, Rossi. I got her. We’re coming down now.” 

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Aaron wasn’t surprised that she remained silent the entire car ride back to Quantico. What he was surprised by is that she didn’t appear nervous or angry. She sat calmly, staring out the window, her body relaxed and her lips forming the slightest smile. It made him angry- he didn’t understand her nonchalance. 

They tried to talk to her, ask her for her real name, about her crimes- but she would just look at them, tilting her head and smiling before bringing her gaze back outside. When they finally arrived back at the Bureau, she turned towards Aaron and Rossi, slowly speaking her first words in over thirty minutes. 

“Am I allowed a phone call?” She asked, staring directly at Aaron, as if it was only the two of them in the car. For a moment, it felt like they were the only two people in the entire world. 

“Who exactly would you like to call?” Rossi smirked, rolling his eyes, trying to get Aaron to look at him. But he couldn’t take his eyes away from her. He was drawn to her like a sailor at sea, listening to the sweet song of the siren. He understood, now, why the sailors always swam to their death. It was because it was so damn beautiful. 

“I’d like to speak with the Director,” she insisted, her eyes finally releasing Aaron from his hypnosis as she looked in disgust at Rossi. He could sense the shift in her tone as she looked at the agent- she had built up a terrifying exterior that she had on display for most people. But when she looked at Aaron, the wall somehow didn’t exist. Why would she show her true self to a stranger? What was it about him that she was drawn too? Could she sense his pain? Did she know that he understood why she did what she did? That he, too, had felt the rush of ending evil with his own two hands? 

“The Director? Of the FBI?” Rossi asked, shocked at her absurd request. “What exactly would you like to speak to him about?” 

“I just think he’d be interested to know I’m here,” she spoke, calmly, sitting back in the seat of the car and looking out the window again. 

“This girl is nuts…” Rossi whispered to Aaron before getting out of the car and grabbing ‘Ananke’ from the back seat. Aaron followed closely behind, his eyes locked on Rossi’s tight grip around her flesh. He could see the marks his agent was leaving behind, his fingertips dug into her arm. It made him sick. The thought of anyone harming her made him sick. But she was the bad guy- he was supposed to hate her, to send her away and avenge all of the lives she took. Why did he want to save her so bad? Grab her from Rossi, hop in the car and take her away from all of this. It didn’t make sense, the way he felt. And Aaron hated it- he hated feeling out of control of his own thoughts- his own desires. 

As they brought her into the BAU, the rest of the team following behind, he immediately noticed something was off when he walked through the doors. The rest of the team must have noticed as well, because they all kind of stopped in their tracks as they walked in. 

Derek noticed her first, pacing back and forth in Aaron’s office. 

“Strauss,” he groaned, rolling his eyes at the sight of her. 

“What is she doing here?” JJ asked, crossing her arms and tensing up. 

“I’m not sure. I’ll go find out. Rossi, can you bring her into the interrogation room? Spencer, try and get something out of her,” Aaron instructed his team, watching them seperate and do their assigned tasks as he walked up to his office. When he got closer, he noticed the Director was also there as well. He got a sick feeling in his stomach, remembering his immediate thoughts when he first arrested Ananke. It’s never this easy. 

He opened his office door with shaking hands, immediately slapped in the face with tension clinging to the air. The Director stood up as he entered, and Strauss stopped pacing. 

“Aaron,” she whispered, her eyes darting nervously around the room. 

“Erin,” he smirked, not sure why his brain was choosing this moment to crack jokes. 

“It’s good to see you, Agent Hotchner. It’s been a while,” the Director said. 

“Chris. It’s good to see you as well. Can I ask what you’re doing in my office?” 

The two of them looked nervously at each other, as if deciding who had to tell him the unspoken secret. The first thought in his brain was that Foyet was back. He killed him, though. He remembered the life draining out of him. He couldn’t be back. He felt his body get hot, his breathing picking up as he remembered Foyet’s face… 

“Aaron… unfortunately, we’re going to need you to let (Y/N) go.” 

“Who?” He asked bluntly, confused at the name he was sure he had never heard before. Although his brain was still spinning, he was feeling calmer knowing whatever this was, it wasn’t about Foyet. 

“Ananke. You need to release her,” Strauss clarified, her voice equally annoyed and apologetic. 

“I’m sorry… I’m confused.” Aaron was realizing now how much easier it was to hate Ananke - or (Y/N) - when she wasn't right in front of him. He couldn’t see her, she couldn’t lure him in. Her spell had broken. “I know for a fact she killed at least one person. I’m not releasing her.” 

“Aaron, this goes beyond you. She is no longer a person of interest.” Chris had raised his voice, clearly frustrated at whatever was happening. 

“You can’t just take away my unsub and not tell me why. Do you think my team will be okay with that? Do you think I’ll be okay with that?” Aaron was angry, the thought of them taking her away with no reason making him crazy. 

“Agent Hotchner, there are some secrets within the Bureau that even you don’t know about.” 

“I don’t accept that.” 

Chris and Strauss looked defeated, both accepting that they won’t win this battle. Chris shook his head slightly and closed his eyes, contemplating his words. 

“What is going on, Strauss?” Aaron begged, the room beginning to spin again, his body craving the sweet release of nicotine and the bitter taste of vodka. 

“Your unsubs real name is (Y/N) (Y/L/N). She is a government protected assassin.” 

“What?” Aaron’s head was spinning, the room around him dancing in circles as the words floated through his mind. That couldn’t be real. There was no way the place he worked, that he believed upheld justice, would do something so… unjust. So immoral. They had to be lying. “It’s not possible. We met the man that paid her to kill someone. She was paid by a civilian to kill a civilian.” 

“She sometimes takes on… side projects,” Chris muttered, clearly knowing his words would upset Aaron. 

“And you allow that?” He yelled, his body fuming with anger as he paced around his office. It didn't make sense. Everything he had ever believed in was crumbling right before his eyes- all because of her. 

“With the things she has done for us, Aaron, there is a little bit of lenience. Besides, Jason was a bad person, anyways.” 

“That doesn’t make it okay. We have a justice system in place for a reason.” He felt sick, the realization that a system he protected for so long was seeping with corruption. 

“Did Foyet get his chance for trial? Or did the justice system not count for him?” Strauss looked at him sternly, frustration written on her face. Aaron realized she was right. He took justice into his own hands with Foyet, and he didn’t regret it. How was she doing anything different? For a moment, nothing made sense to Aaron. His entire belief system had shattered right in front of him. He was speechless, his brain splashing around trying to find the right words to express his disbelief. But he was coming up empty, drawing blanks. There was truly nothing he could say that could capture how he felt. He just thought of her, the sweet smell of berries that lingered in her hair, the softness of her skin, the enticing aura that surrounded her when she looked at him. 

“What am I supposed to tell my team?” He thought out loud. 

“We’ll handle it. Let’s go out and talk to them now,” Chris instructed, walking out of the office and down towards the annex. Rossi noticed the three of them and quickly walked up to Chris, greeting him. 

“Could you gather your team for me?” The director asked, Aaron still unsure of how he would explain this to them. Rossi grabbed everyone pretty quickly, dragging Spencer from the interrogation room, which Aaron could only imagine was going very poorly. 

“Hello everyone, I’m sorry to bother you all, but the unsub you brought in today is a person of interest in several international crimes. She’s been on our watch list for a while, now, and we’re going to have to hand her over to interpol.” The Directors words were quick and precise, leaving no room for anyone to second guess him. Even Aaron was convinced they weren’t going to release her the minute they were alone. 

“What has she done?” JJ questioned, intrigued at the mystery international criminal they brought in. 

“It’s classified, Agent. And if you don’t mind, we’d like to get out of here rather quickly. If someone could grab her, please,” he ordered, causing Spencer to quickly walk to the room she was in and bring her back out to them. 

She was smirking widely as she walked out, clearly knowing her freedom was inevitable. He had so many questions for her, so much he needed to know, but he had to keep his mouth shut. She was slipping right through his fingers, and he had only just begun to know her. 

“I’m so sorry, Aaron. I know how much you enjoyed seeing me in handcuffs,” she whispered to him as she passed by, winking seductively before being taken away by the Director and Strauss. 

Aaron felt miserable as she walked away, the three of them heading into the elevator and away from him forever. She now felt only like a ghost, a distant memory fading away as more time went by without her. The team moved on from the loss in a matter of minutes, but Aaron stood there, frozen in place, waiting desperately for her to come back. 

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Five days. He was able to wait five days before he went to see her. He tried so desperately to forget about her- it seemed everyone else had. But she seeped into his dreams, tossing and turning as he tried to sleep, her voice, her face, her body, calling to him. He needed to see her again, just to ask her why. He wouldn’t sleep ever again if he didn’t. 

So, five days after she walked away, he waited until Jack was asleep, explained to Jessica that he had some paperwork to take care of, and headed to see her. His brain continuously tried to tell him it was a bad idea. He should turn around, go home, and forget her. But he knew it was easier said than done. This was the only way. 

When he got to the club, he noticed the same bouncer from before was sitting outside the door. Aaron felt a bit relieved, hoping the man would recognize him and he could lie his way up to (Y/N)’ door. 

“Hey, man,” he said casually, trying to sound as calm and not suspicious as possible. 

“Can I help you?” The man grunted, clearly not amused by Aaron’s attempt to be friendly. 

“I’m here to see A. We met a few days ago, I need to drop my money off,” he whispered, praying to whatever God was listening that this guy would believe his story. 

“A isn’t supposed to be meeting anyone tonight,” he groaned, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Aaron could tell it was a long shot, but he had to do whatever he could to see her. 

“Call her. She’ll tell you,” he stuttered, looking anxiously at the large man standing between him and (Y/N). It was possible he could take him down if he had to, Aaron thought. It would be a hell of a fight, but he’d brought down bigger men. He shifted instinctively, trying to casually feel his hip and make sure he was still armed. 

The man pulled out a small phone that appeared to be very old- most likely a burner they used to communicate. He dialed a number quickly and stared at Aaron, as if hoping his boss would give him the go ahead to kick Aaron’s ass. 

“Hey, it’s me. Some guy is here to see you. Said you talked earlier today. Can you check the cams,” he asked, trying to speak quietly, but Aaron was still able to hear every word. He waited patiently for her response, trying to keep his face calm. 

“Alright, thanks A.” He hung the call up and placed the phone in his pocket, taking as long as possible to give Aaron his answer. It felt like hours, excruciating pain as he waited for his fate. 

“You’re clear to go.”

Aaron was almost positive she would send him away. If she had cameras, she knew it was him. Why would she allow him to come up? Did she want to see him, too? 

He knew if he stood there any longer contemplating the situation, he would look suspicious. So despite all of his common sense warning him that something was wrong, he walked through the secret door and up the narrow staircase, knocking twice at her door and awaiting to enter her world. 

He was greeted by the same man from earlier, who was smiling brightly as he opened the door and let him in. He offered him another drink, which Aaron politely declined, finding a seat on one of the couches and unable to sit still as he waited for her. 

She left him waiting for quite a while. Although it felt like hours of agony for Aaron, his watch assured him he had only been waiting around twenty minutes by the time she finally greeted him. She was wearing a short red dress, golden heels wrapped around her feet as she floated towards him, smiling devilishly as she poured herself a drink. 

“It’s nice to see you again, Agent,” she teased, taking a sip of her liquor of choice and taking a seat across from him. 

“I needed to talk to you.” 

“About what?” She tilted her head, soft lips creating a pout of confusion as she stared at him. 

“You knew I was going to arrest you the minute you got my application to meet… if you knew you couldn’t get in trouble, why would you let all of that happen? You could’ve called the Director the minute you knew who I was. Why didn’t you?” Aaron needed to know why she went through the trouble of setting up a meeting with him, allowing herself to be arrested and brought to the Bureau. It didn’t make sense, allowing herself to take such a big risk.

“It seemed… fun. Sometimes my life can be quite boring.” She smiled at him, her flirtatious grin that she seemed to save just for Aaron. 

“Wasting my time, my team's time… that's fun to you?” Aaron was getting angry again, his body fuming as he looked at her. 

“Well, maybe a part of me wanted to meet you. I mean, we’re not so different, Aaron.” 

“Hah,” he laughed, rolling his eyes at her. “You think you and I have anything in common?” 

“Oh, are you not the same SSA Aaron Hotchner who killed George Foyet with his own hands?” 

“How the hell do you know that?” Aaron had stood up at this point, his anger and frustration causing his body to become restless. 

“It’s on your record, Agent. It’s not too hard to find…” She took another sip of her drink, finishing the last of the cups content and standing up to face him. For a moment, they were inches apart, the air between them stock full of tension, anger and attraction swimming around the two. But as he prayed he could control his compulsion to touch her, she walked away, over to another corner of the room, grabbing a cigarette and lighting it. 

The smell of smoke intoxicated him, making his knees shake as he craved the burn of nicotine in his throat. She floated back towards him, taking her place back on the couch and burning quickly through her cigarette. 

“You seem so angry, Aaron.” 

“Because you’re killing people, and somehow the people I look up to to maintain law and order don’t care.” 

“Have you ever thought that you’re more angry at yourself than at me? I mean, a part of you gets it, right? You understand what I do, why I do it… and that makes you sick, doesn’t it?” 

“I would never justify what you do.” 

“Mm,” she hummed, standing up and walking towards him again. She placed a soft hand on his face, Aaron realizing her touch was the first he’d felt since Haley died. The feel of his flesh being caressed by someone, being held by someone- it made him melt. 

“Maybe it’s not that, though. Maybe you really do hate me, hate what I do. But a part of you can’t stop thinking about touching me, feeling me… fucking me.” She moved her hand down his body, trailing her fingers down his chest and stopping at the base of his groin. He felt chills down his body, blood rushing to his cock at the slightest touch. 

“That’s not- it’s not that,” he stuttered, trying to back away, knowing how dangerous it would be for him to get roped into something like this. 

“Right, of course,” she whispered, taking her hand away from him and turning around, walking away. He watched her body as she floated across the room, his eyes glued to her ass that was begging to be touched by him. 

“(Y/N)...” Aaron whispered, calling for her, unable to stand the feeling of her being away from him. She turned towards him, walking back slowly, taking her time and letting him simmer in anticipation as she made her way back to the center of the room. When she made her way back to him, he grabbed her chin with his hand, tilting her face up towards him, her lips inches from his. 

“I would never want somebody like you. You are a bad person, no matter what you try to say to me.” 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Agent,” she smirked, her lips almost brushing against his as she formed them into a smile. 

At that moment, it felt like any self control Aaron had flew directly out the window. He wrapped his other arm around her waist, pulling her body into his and kissing her. It was a kiss that was draped in desperation, anger, lust. His tongue made no attempt to be gentle, selfishly exploring her small mouth and he picked her up and sat her on a table. He tore his shirt off, his desire to be touched, to touch her, overcoming any restraint he had before. 

He picked her up, her small frame easy for his trained body to carry swifty to the couch. He threw her down on her back, her body writhing under his, moaning his name so loud that he was sure the club goers downstairs could hear. He wrapped his hands around her neck, gripping gently, listening to her gasp for air as he slid up her dress to reveal nothing underneath. 

“You’re just begging for me, aren’t you,” he teased, pulling his hard cock out from his boxers and teasing her entrance with his tip. She nodded slowly at him, unable to speak as he still had his hand gripped around her throat. He was aching to hear her voice again, so he released his hand, getting turned on at the mark he left on her. 

He slipped into her slowly, no time to waste on foreplay. He knew he needed her now, that their time was limited and it was only a matter of time before his common sense kicked in and he got out of there. But for the moment, he was sloppily pounding into her, not caring who saw or heard, desperately needing to be as close to her as possible. 

He came quickly, the euphoria of feeling another woman for the first time in months too much for him to control. She came too, though. He could tell she wasn’t faking- he could feel it. After they finished, he quickly put his clothes back on, (Y/N) continuing to lay breathlessly on the couch. He watched her for a moment, waiting for her to say something- ask him to stay, kiss him goodbye. But she just pulled herself up and walked towards the other side of the room, grabbing and lighting another cigarette.

“You should go.” (Y/N) instructed, not even bothering to look up at the man who just came inside her moments ago. 

“You shouldn’t smoke those, you know. They’ll kill you.” Aaron’s mouth was dry, watching the trail of smoke that followed her as she floated around the room, refusing to give him even a second of her time. 

“What do I have to live for?” She asked, finally dragging her tired eyes to his and smiling, one of the first real, and saddest, smiles he had seen from her. 

Aaron tried to think of something else to say, racking his brain for the correct words to say. But he continuously came up empty, and he realized he was starting to look more and more suspicious the longer he stood there. He decided to walk away, ignore the part of him that refused to tear away from her. 

He walked soberly down the stairs, out onto the street and to his car. As he sat in his drivers seat and started the engine, feeling his face get hot, the rare feeling of wet eyes as he began to cry. And then he started to laugh. An uncontrollable cackle that spilled out of him like a waterfall. It was comical, to look back over the past few months and relive all of the bullshit he had been through. He didn’t even recognize the person in the mirror anymore. And maybe that was a good thing, because the person he used to be was the same person that let Haley die. 

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Aaron tried to pretend he didn’t spend every day over the next week thinking about her. The way her soft skin felt when he touched her, the way her lips tasted like bubblegum and her hair smelled like cherries. When he imagined her in his head, everything felt so distant, like he was barely holding on to a dream of her. He could feel her memory slipping away every second, and he couldn’t let that happen. 

He had to see her again, and soon. He wondered if she was thinking about him as well, if she remembered the mint chapstick he was wearing, or the Dolce cologne he was wearing. It made him sick, thinking that she forgot him. (Y/N) had slowly become everything to him, what if he was just a passing thought for her? 

The team had landed back in DC an hour ago, solving a case in Miami that was one of the easier ones they had had this year. Aaron was grateful for the slight break, his brain not completely in the right headspace. 

He rushed to finish up the closing paperwork, scribbling his words sloppily and without much care for grammar. He knew as soon as Strauss read his, she would call him and question his mental state. But he didn’t care. He just needed to get the hell out of here tonight, and if that meant sitting through another of Strauss’s evaluations, it was worth it. 

As he was signing the last of the documents, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He grabbed it with caution, not sure who would be calling him this late at night. The call was coming from an unknown number, and Aaron immediately worried something had happened to Jack. He was away at his grandparents this week, planning on staying a few more days. He answered the phone nervously, preparing for whatever horror was to come. 

“Hello, Agent,” a female voice said, a voice he instantly recognized as (Y/N)’s. Her voice flowed smoothly like silk even over the phone. It was truly hard to believe how she had managed to perfect every aspect of herself. 

“Why- how are you calling me?” He looked around cautiously, making sure no one could secretly hear any part of the phone call. 

“I’m flying to Paris this weekend, a little well deserved vacation. I was calling to see if you’d like to join me.” 

“I… Paris? I can’t just fly to Paris.” Aaron chuckled into the phone, the idea of someone just getting up and deciding to fly halfway across the world with no plan truly comical to him. 

“Oh, I didn’t realize I’d called the Fun Police. I thought this was Aaron Hotchner,” she teased. He could feel her smiling through the phone, a warmth that somehow seemed to wrap him even though he could only see her in his thoughts. 

“I can have fun…” he argued, biting his lip awkwardly, not wanting to seem inferior to her. 

“When was the last time you did something for yourself, Agent? Have you ever just… been spontaneous?” 

“(Y/N), you don’t understand-” 

“Call me A on the phone. It’s safer,” she instructed, her voice losing its soft luster as her professional side kicked in. 

“A… my job, my life… it doesn't leave room for spontaneity.” 

“No, Agent. That’s your choice. I’ll be at the jet runway at Dulles in two hours. Think about it. I’ll wait for you.” She hung the phone up, not giving him room to protest. He set the phone down on his desk, instantly missing her even more than he did before. Jack was going to be with his grandparents for three more days, and he did have some saved up vacation time. But what would he tell the team? What would he tell Strauss? 

His phone vibrated again, this time only a single buzz to indicate a text message. He flipped his phone over and saw a new message from an Unknown number. 

Life doesn’t have to be so complicated, Agent. It is much too short to spend this much time suffering. Learn to enjoy your days. 

A

He reread the message a thousand times, knowing the words would still reign true no matter how much he tried to convince himself she was in the wrong. He had spent his whole life serving others, and he was okay with it, until now. Maybe if he had lived without complication, and enjoyed his days, his life would be completely different… 

He ran home and quickly packed a bag, letting Strauss and Rossi know he needed some ‘alone time’ for a few days. They didn’t question it- one nice thing about having a recent trauma, he thought. He took an Uber to the airport, praying that (Y/N) kept her promise and waited for him. 

When he finally arrived on the runway, he noticed her immediately. It was as if even being near her set an alarm off inside of him, like every part of his brain was awake, feeling her energy from a hundred feet away. 

He thanked the Uber driver and ran to her, bag in hand. As he got to her, he noticed her face. She wasn’t surprised or shocked in the slightest- she knew he’d come. She somehow knew every move he would make. Was he that predictable… or was it something special between them?

“I have to be home in three days,” he said, breathlessly, overjoyed at the sight of his girl. 

“We can do a lot in three days,” she responded, smiling wickedly. She walked towards him, wrapping her arms around his torso and embracing him. It was such a nice feeling to be held, comforted. He felt like he could stay there in her arms for years. But she broke the hug pretty quickly, motioning for one of her men to take care of the bags and began walking towards the jet. 

As he followed her up the stairs and into their own private world, he started to remember everything he was leaving behind. The realization of just how impulsive this was dawned on him as he looked back at the city behind him. He felt dizzy, leaning on the railing for support as he shakily walked up. 

“You alright?” (Y/N) asked, placing a hand on his arm to steady him. 

“This is crazy, (Y/N). I just can’t believe I’m doing this.” 

They continued to walk into the jet, her hand intertwined in his as they sat down and the door closed behind them. A man came out from behind the curtain, who Aaron immediately recognized as the same man who greeted him both times he met her. 

“Aaron, this is my… well, assistant, I guess. Jay, this is my new friend, Aaron.” She waved to Jay slightly, instructing him to come closer. 

“It’s good to meet you sir. Can I get the two of you anything to drink?” Jay was a short boy, couldn't have been more than 25. He clearly worshipped the ground she walked on, which seemed to be par for the course with men she knew. 

“Oh, hmm,” she thought, closing her eyes for a moment as she racked her brain for a decision. “Whiskey sour. What would you like?” She turned towards Aaron, the subtle tilt of her head reminding him of how pretty her neck looked with his hands around it. 

“I’ll do a Scotch, neat,” he ordered, something so enticing about ordering a drink on a private jet to Paris. 

“I’ll grab those for you now. Matt is ready to take off, A, are you all set?” Jay turned back towards his boss, his eyes widening like a puppy as he waited for her words. 

“I’m ready to go Jay, thank you,” she smiled, looking at him quickly before bringing her attention back to Aaron. Jay took her disinterest as a sign to leave and make their drinks, so he shuffled away quickly after she looked away. 

He came back with their drinks a moment later, leaving quickly after and closing himself in the cockpit. The jet began to take off shortly after, and Aaron took a long sip of his drink, hoping the alcohol would calm any nerves he had left. He started at (Y/N) dreamily, as she shuffled through her phone and a pile on various paperwork on her lap. 

“Sorry, Agent, just finishing up some work,” she whispered, her eyes still staring down. 

“Mmm, it’s okay,” he responded, just happy to be in the same place as her again. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure,” she smiled, setting her work aside and bringing her attention to Aaron. 

“Why did you kick me out the other night? After…” His voice trailed off, shifting awkwardly in his seat. 

“I figured it be best for you. I didn’t want to wrap you up with my life… with me. But in all honesty, I can’t stop thinking about you. I called you tonight, and told myself if you didn’t show, I’d move on. But… you’re here.” 

“I’m here,” he whispered back, his eyes tracing down her body, craving her once again. 

“I feel like we have something special, Agent,” she whispered seductively, climbing out of her seat and walking towards him. 

“I missed you… I couldn’t stop thinking about you…” he moaned as she bent towards him, her lips kissing down his neck and playing with the collar of his shirt. She unbuttoned the top buttons, kissing his chest and moving her hand to his inner thigh. She trailed her fingers up his thigh, teasing his cock with the slightest touch. His hips bucked uncontrollably, blood flowing down to him as his desire took over his body. 

She got down on her knees, toying with his belt buckle. She was clearly trying to make him wait, the suffering and craving all a part of her game. But he was impatient, so he ripped his belt off himself, undoing his pants and pulling his erect penis out. 

(Y/N) licked her lips in anticipation, wanting to pleasure him as much as he wanted to be pleasured. She played with his tip slowly, toying her tongue around him as he moved underneath her. He wrapped his fingers in her hair, slowly pushing her mouth down around him. He wanted her to take all of him, to feel the back of her throat as he shoved his length in her mouth. She moaned quietly as she took him, bobbing her head up and down quickly and sloppily. 

Aaron couldn’t remember the last time he got a blow job- let alone the last time someone enjoyed giving him one. (Y/N) was toying with him, clearly enjoying the pleasure she was able to give him just with her tongue. She looked up at him as he was about to cum, winking as she dragged her tongue up his shaft. The eye contact sent him over the edge, causing him to release himself in her mouth. She swallowed his cum happily, kissing him on the cheek and sitting back down on her chair. 

He wanted to go to her, give her what she needed now. But he was exhausted, the exhilaration of her taking away all of his energy. He took another hefty sip of his drink, leaning back in his chair and wiping the sweat off his forehead. He buckled his pants back up and readjusted himself in the seat. 

“Don’t hate me, handsome, but I do have to get some work done. Feel free to sleep on the couch, or watch a movie. I’ll let you know when we get there.” She blew him a kiss, teasing him with a wink before losing herself in her work. He wondered what part of her job she could possibly be doing from the seat of a plane. There was truly so much he didn’t know about her, which made it so much more exciting. 

He finished his drink, watching her work in awe as the plane soared over the Atlantic. He felt himself drifting off and didn’t try to stop it, wanting to be fully rested so he could make the most of his time with her. 

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Paris was unarguably Aaron’s favorite place on Earth. Whenever he told people that, they always kind of chuckled. It was kind of a feminine city, at least that’s what everyone told him. But god, he loved it here. The food, the architecture, the people… but most importantly, it was her. 

She had made every second of his life magical. When they landed, she brought him to a small bakery near the Louvre, where they sipped wine and ate the sweetest fruit he’d ever tasted. It was only 10 AM when they got there, but nobody seemed to pay them any attention as they drunkenly strolled down the Parisian streets, giggling and kissing and living. 

When they finally sobered up, they made their way to a gorgeous hotel, where (Y/N) got the nicest suite available. They ordered a few bottles of champagne, popping them open as soon as they got inside and helping themselves to many glasses. They drank out on the balcony, overlooking the whole city as they downed more alcohol. 

The suite came equipped with a jacuzzi tub in the bathroom, which (Y/N) was begging him to take advantage of. She stripped down in front of him, lighting candles and drawing a tub of steaming water. She took a bottle of champagne into the bathroom and soaked herself in the tub, lavender scented bubbles surrounding her. Aaron couldn’t resist the temptation of her body, so he quickly followed after her, stripping down and slipping in the bubbles with her. 

She sat on his lap, he kissed down the back of her neck and nibbled on her flesh. She moved her butt into him, the softness of her flesh pushing into his cock. 

“I told you, sometimes it’s fun to be adventurous.” 

“I never doubted that. I just think this is all… crazy…” 

“Are you not enjoying yourself?” She giggled, pushing bubbles towards him and splashing around the water. 

“Oh do not play games with me,” he laughed, splashing water towards her. She squealed when the water hit her face, scrunching her nose as she wiped the bubbles from her cheeks. 

“Let’s go,” she smirked, standing up and carefully stepping out of the bath. Her skin was glistening from the water, bubbles dripping down her flesh. He stared in awe at her, obsessed with every curve, every inch of her more perfect than the last. She walked slowly out of the bathroom, her butt wiggling with every step. She was clearly calling for him, begging for him to follow her wherever she went. And he would. He did.

He ran after her carefully, finding her naked body wrapped in the fluffy comforter of the bed. She smiled when she saw him, sitting up and wrapping her hands around his neck. She brought his face towards her, kissing him slowly, allowing their lips to enjoy every second they had with each other. 

Aaron’s hands were gripped on her hips, his naked body grinding into hers. He hadn’t known this feeling for a long time- the feeling of complete and total calm. For the first time in an absurd amount of time, he wasn’t worried. He wasn’t thinking of every terrible thing that was happening around him. He was only thinking about her- the way her lips felt on his, the way her body moved… his whole life had so suddenly become wrapped up in her. 

But, the trouble was, nothing good in his life stayed. And it was only a matter of time before the universe took her away, too. 

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The rest of their time in Paris went by in a daze. Most of their time they were either drinking or fucking, taking breaks to walk aimlessly around the Louvre and stroll down the Seine. He was heartbroken when he had to go back, but he did miss his son, and was sure the team was falling apart without him. When they landed back in DC, (Y/N) had a car ready to take Aaron home. 

He had a good hour before Jack would be back, so he used his time to take a long shower and brew a strong pot of coffee. It was almost 7 at night, but his body was still messed up from the change in time zones, and he knew he wouldn’t get much sleep that night. He was already missing her, checking his phone every five minutes to see if she would whisk him away on another adventure. 

But, as he quickly learned, she was the type of person to disappear for a while. Aaron didn’t hear from her for seven full days after Paris. Seven full agonizing days of wondering where she was, who she was with, and most importantly- what she was doing. 

Being away from her made it easier for him to realize the reality of their situation. She was a killer; and yeah, maybe she only killed ‘bad’ people, but did that really make it any better? At least, that was the question he was asking himself. Surprisingly, as more time went on, the harder time he had convincing himself she was a villain. Maybe it was because he was falling in love with her, maybe it was because he understood the anger of watching guilty people walk away from things completely unscathed. 

They didn’t speak about work once during their time together, although it was clear Aaron had a lot of questions. He couldn’t even begin to comprehend what she could be doing for Strauss and the Director. Who was she killing that they couldn’t get to the normal way? He wanted to know her life, understand the secrets she spent her existence protecting- but it wasn't for him. And maybe that was for the best. The mystery of it all made it… hotter. 

So when he finally heard from her, seven full days later, he felt like a kid on Christmas. He recognized the ‘unknown’ number as it popped up on the screen, stepping into his office so he could speak with her privately. 

“Hi, Agent,” (Y/N) spoke, her voice singing to him. He loved the way she called him Agent. He loved everything about her. 

“I’ve missed you. Where have you been?” 

“Oh, working. You know.” He could tell she didn’t want to speak any more about work, so he changed the subject. 

“Are you back in DC?” 

“For a bit.”

“Can I see you? Let’s get dinner somewhere. Anywhere.” 

“I… we probably shouldn’t be out together like that… if we saw anyone we knew… your team…” She spoke her words carefully, not sure how to tell him that their relationship wasn’t exactly approved of. Aaron had never really thought about it, but the reality made him sick. Would he never be able to love her publicly? Hold her hand at the park, take her to eat at his favorite restaurant, introduce her to his friends? 

But the adrenaline, the euphoria of being with her- it was worth any negatives. He would eat in the dark with her, hide her in his house, runaway with her… 

“Come over to my place, then. We’ll order pizza, watch a movie.” 

“Hah,” she giggled, her laugh airy and full of light just as he remembered. Hearing it made him smile. “I can’t remember the last time I ordered pizza and watched movies with a boy…” 

“Well, given the circumstances, I have to get creative A.” 

“What about Jack?” 

“Oh,” Aaron responded, forgetting for a moment that she had yet to meet his son. He didn’t think twice about it, wanting his son to know the woman that was bringing him so much joy. But was it safe? And did she want to know him? 

“I don’t want to put you in an awkward situation.” 

“Can I ask you something?” 

“Of course.” 

“What is happening between us? Are we just messing around… Is there feelings?” He hated to ask her such a loaded question over the phone, but he needed to know the answer- he had to know if she was just as head over heels as she was. 

“Agent, no man I’ve ever ‘messed around’ with has this number.” 

Aaron chuckled, the nervousness in his chest subsiding. 

“Come over tonight, please,” he begged, craving the way her lips felt on his. 

“Okay, I’ll see you tonight, Agent.” 

“I’ll see you tonight, A.” 

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Aaron didn’t expect just how wonderful (Y/N) would be with Jack. He had never really seen a maternal side to her before, but she was incredible. Jack took a liking to her as well, even falling asleep between the both of them as they watched Finding Nemo. After they were sure he was asleep, Aaron carried his son to his room and put him to bed, (Y/N) following close behind, in awe of the way Aaron cared for his son. 

“You want a glass of wine?” Aaron whispered to her, the two of them hand in hand as they walked back to the living room. 

“Please!” 

He poured the two of them overly generous glasses of Riesling, snuggling up on the couch next to her and kissing her on the forehead. They tried to find a movie for a bit, scrolling through endless channels before giving up. 

“Can you stay the night?” 

“I wish, but I have to catch an early flight tomorrow,” she frowned, her pout showcasing her perfect lips that he couldn’t get out of his head. 

“Where are you going?” As soon as the words left his mouth, he wished he could take them back. Her face turned pale and emotionless as she thought of a response, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. 

“You know I can’t tell you that,” she responded. 

“I’m sorry.” He felt uncomfortable, not sure exactly what to say to her. They had never had an awkward silence before, and it made him sick as he waited in the quiet for her to respond. 

“I probably should get going,” she finally said, setting her almost empty glass of wine down on the coffee table. 

“Oh, c’mon, we just got some time alone…” he pleaded, but he could tell by the look on her face he had already lost her. 

“I’m sorry, love. I just have a lot to prepare for this case.” 

“I understand. Will I see you soon?” 

“I’ll do my best, Agent.” 

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California was a popular hot spot for serial killers. It seemed like Aaron and the team were there every other week. This time, San Francisco was the lucky city. He had already been there for two days, stuck on an incredibly weird case, when he got the call. 

“Good morning, Agent,” (Y/N) spoke. 

“A… it’s good to hear from you.” He was relieved at the sound of her voice, the dark energy of this specific case seeping into him, choking any optimism out of him. 

“How are things?” 

“I’m working on a tough case, to be honest. It’s taking a lot out of me.” 

“Would it be better if I was there?” 

“How is that possible?” 

“I was… in the area. Set some time aside to stop by.” 

“I’m going to be really busy…” he frowned, realizing now how difficult it would be to actually see her. 

“Oh, Agent, I sure hope you can make time to see me,” she teased, giggling through the phone, her laugh wrapping him in warmth and shielding him from the darkness of reality for a moment. 

“Well, I have to sleep at some point,” he responded, laughing himself. 

“Call me when you get back to your hotel. I’ll be waiting.” 

Aaron hung the phone up quickly, peeking around the corner of the SFPD office they were currently set up in. Luckily, everyone was too busy to listen in on his personal conversations. He wondered what his team would think if they knew what was going on behind closed doors. Would they still stand around and trust the system they were working so hard to uphold? Because Aaron could barely stomach it. 

“Hey, we’ve got a problem,” Derek said, coming around the corner lookingfor his superior. 

“What’s going on?” 

“C’mon into the conference room. Garcia will explain everything.”

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He didn’t make it back to his hotel for another 12 hours. It was nearing 11 PM by the time he finally closed the door and could be done for the day. Although with his job, he was never really off the clock. 

He called (Y/N), pushing aside any exhaustion he had for a moment with her. She was there within twenty minutes, sneaking through the door, giggling and kissing quietly, trying to be secretive. It was risky, extremely risky for them to be together with his team just on the other side of a thin hotel wall. But he couldn’t help himself. A part of him wanted to get caught, be exposed, so they could stop sneaking around. He wanted to love her in front of everyone. 

He forgot about the case briefly as he lost himself in her flesh, kissing her soft skin and making love to her - twice. When the exhaustion finally overcame him, he crawled into her arms and let the horrors of his job overcome him. 

“It’s a bad one, this case,” he divulged, knowing he shouldn’t be telling her the details, but needed a release. He needed to scream, and she was the only one around to hear. 

“What’s going on?” 

“Some CEO’s kid has been going all around the country killing teenage girls. Eevrytime the police get close to him, he just runs. Five different cities, and he’s escaped them all. Thirty six bodies that we can find. Probably more. And he’s going to get away, here, too. Garcia found out he sold his house a few days ago and bought one in Miami.” 

“Well if you know it’s him, why aren’t you arresting him?” (Y/N) had a confused look on her face, her eyes wide and her lips forming a slight pout as she waited for him to respond. 

“We don’t have enough physical evidence. He fits the profile perfectly, and we are able to trace bodies to him in every city he’s lived in. But that’s not good enough for the courts. He’s just going to keep getting away…” Aaron felt his heart pounding, the face of Foyet flashing over and over in his head. 

“Sometimes… the system doesn’t help everybody.” She wasn’t looking at him, her eyes darting nervously around the room. 

“That’s why people like you exist, right? To serve justice to those who escape it.” 

“That’s one way of looking at it.” 

Aaron looked at her, her cheeks flushed and her breathing sporadic. They were thinking the same thing, it was only a guessing game on who would break the silence first. He didn’t think it would be here, she was too nervous. 

“(Y/N)...” he whispered, placing a hand on hers. 

“What are you asking me to do, Agent?” She finally looked up at him, her face flat and emotionless, a side of her she had never shown him before. It was her work face, her business face. 

“I want you to do your job, A.” 

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” 

“It’s the only way to stop him.” 

“Okay. I’ll take care of it.” She got up out of the bed and started putting her clothes back on, slowly redressing herself as she prepared to go back to work. She grabbed one of the three phones she carried, hastily dialing a number and putting the old cell to her ear. 

“Hey, it’s me. I need the car here ASAP, and the bag... Yeah, it’s a change of plans. … I’ll tell you in the car.” She hung the call up and put the phone back in her bag, refusing the look at Aaron the entire time she was preparing herself. 

“You’re doing this now?” He laughed, getting up and trying to stop her from leaving. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her towards him, her body struggling to get away. She felt tense, tired. Her body was no longer surrounded by it’s usual warm glow. She was cold, and dark. She wasn’t her.

“Agent, if this is what you want, I need to handle it my way. Please let me go.” 

“Will you… can I see you after?” 

“I need to leave the city immediately after it’s done. And it’s best we don't talk for a bit. I can call you when I think things are safe.” 

“How long is a bit? I mean, I don’t want to give you up.” 

“You can’t have both, Aaron. Either I’m (Y/N) or I’m Ananke. Do you want more girls to die? Or do you want a girlfriend?” She was yelling, her voice a loud and intense version of itself that he was unfamiliar with. It made him dizzy. He sat down clumsily on the bed and put his face in his hands. 

“Kill him,” he mumbled. She was quiet for a few seconds, and so was he. And awkward silence. Something they had never had. He felt like she was staring at him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at her.

“I’ll call you when I can, Agent. It’s been wonderful working with you.” 

Aaron swore as she walked out the door he could hear her cry. Maybe he was making it up to make himself feel better. There was no way she could walk away that easily and not … hurt. He hurt, so terribly bad. How long was a bit? A few weeks, months? Would he ever see her again? 

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Aaron awoke to a loud banging on his door and his phone buzzing like crazy. The ringer was on, but not loud enough to awaken him from his alcohol assisted slumber. He shouldn’t be drinking on the job, he knew that rule better than anyone. But he had to shut his mind up. 

He opened the door to a rattled Derek Morgan, his forehead sweating and hands shaking. 

“You are not going to believe this,” Derek said, chuckling slightly. 

“What’s going on, Morgan?” Aaron knew what he was going to say, but he had to pretend to be surprised. Would Derek know? He was by far the best profiler on the team. How long could Aaron keep up a lie before Derek figured something out? 

“Our unsub died last night. Car accident. He hit a railing and his car just… exploded.” Derek held his tablet out to Hotch, showing him various photos from the scene. His car was completely crushed and torched. You could see his body, but there was absolutely no way to tell what was happening at the time of the accident. The damage of the car was far too elaborate to find any remnants of explosives- if that’s what she used. But whatever she did, it was brilliant. There was no way anyone would think twice about this. She was brilliant. 

He could feel himself smiling, being impressed with her work- but he remembered Derek was still standing there, unknowing of the secrets Aaron held. 

“Well, I guess we can finally get the hell out of San Francisco,” Aaron laughed. 

“You think this is the end? He just dies in a freak accident and it's over? Are we that lucky, Hotch?” Derek’s eyebrows were furrowed in the classic way his face always looked when he was suspicious. 

“He’s not around to hurt anyone else, and that’s the end of it. Our jobs are done here. I want wheels up in an hour.” 

Derek just nodded in agreement with his supervisor, realizing it wasn’t worth the argument. Aaron was right, the bad guy was gone and that was good enough for him. 

Aaron closed the door to his hotel, grabbing his phone and dialing her number. He had assumed she’d already disconnected the line, severing their connection for the time. But it rang, and somebody answered. 

“A…?” he whispered, waiting for her voice. 

“You shouldn’t be calling this number,” a man responded, a voice he recognized as Jays. 

“I know, I know, but please. Please just tell her something for me.” Jay was silent for a moment, deciding what to do. 

“... What?” He asked, quietly. 

“Please just tell her I said thank you. For everything.” 

And then the phone disconnected. The call was over. She was gone. For who knows how long? 

+:-:+:-:+:-:+:-:+:-:+:-:+:-:+:-:+:-:+:-:+:-:+:-:+:-:+:-+:-+:-:+:-:+:-:+:-:+:-:+:-:+:-:+:-:+

One week later, SSA Aaron Hotchner was sitting in his office when Erin Strauss walked through his door. She didn’t knock, which made him jump. She walked right in and sat down on his couch, taking a deep breath. A disappointed sigh. 

“Hello, Erin.” 

“Agent Hotcher.” She looked at him angrily, her lips pursed and eyes tight as she thought of her words. 

“What can I do for you?” 

“In all honesty, Aaron… did you think we wouldn’t find out? You are a federal agent. Your passport is flagged any time you enter a foreign country. You were in Paris at the same time as her. And then San Francisco? She was there on assignment and your uncatchable unsub just happens to turn up dead?” 

“Am I fired?” He asked, his only thought on what they were doing to her. 

“Aaron… what are you doing? You are losing yourself! If this is about Haley…”  

“Just tell me something. What are you going to do to her?” He bit his lip nervously, Erin avoiding his eye contact.

“Right now she’s being relocated, on a six month assignment. We’ll see what happens after that.” 

“Where?” 

“You know I can’t tell you that!” 

Aaron sat for a moment, completely unsure of what to say next. Maybe Erin was right, he had lost himself. He would’ve never imagined himself in this situation. 

“What do I do now?” 

“You move on. And you do your job, the right way. I’ll cut you some slack this time, Aaron. But if this happens again… there will be consequences. Do you understand?” 

“Yes ma’am.” 

Erin walked out of his office quietly, closing the door as she left. He waited a moment, a long moment, before pulling out his phone. He had to at least try to talk to her. Even if the number didn’t work. He had to try. 

But it rang. And this time he knew it was her who answered. 

“Agent.” She answered sharply. 

“Where are you?” 

“I’m still in DC, as of now.” 

“If I asked you to stay, would you?” 

“You know it doesn’t work like that. Either I go, or they send me to prison. I’m sorry, Aaron. But this… was destined to fail from the beginning.” 

“No, (Y/N). I don’t accept that. I love you.” 

“You can’t. I’m sorry, Agent. This is goodbye.” 

#vicficwriterchallenge #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #criminal minds #aaron hotchner fanfiction

[fallenrepublick]

Rereading your work and I got a thought: how maul and savage (and also thrawn) react to them hurting you is just for a minor injury. But what if the hurt had been much bigger, like breaking a bone or knocking you out? How would they react (or should I say how badly would they panic) then?

I like the way you think, friend

Maul

There has never, in the history of the galaxy, been such sheer panic.

The fear that takes over is unlike anything he’d ever experienced, anything he’d ever have thought it possible for him to experience.

And when the shock clears from his frozen mind, when the realization hits him that you hadn’t stood up yet, oh gods, he’s already praying.

He drops everything, his feet feeling heavy beneath him as he runs to your side, wanting to hold you and process what to do, but the fear that he may hurt you further makes him hesitate.

What if something worse happens? What if he put you in more pain than you were already in?

But you need him, you need him to be there, and he knows that. So gingerly, he lifts your head onto his lap, holding your face, calling your name as he tries to hold himself together to the best of his ability.

He feels around, checking your pulse, watching you breathe.

And though an onlooker would never know it, he’s cursing beneath his breath, asking himself, “How could I do this? How could I hurt you like this? What have I done, what have I done, what have I done?”

But this is no time for self-hatred, so he carries you to the medbay as fast as he can without jostling you. And as per usual, there are people standing by to ensure that you’ll be alright.

He refuses to leave your side until you come to.

And when you finally do, he’s there, still awake, waiting for you, and it seems like he’s on the brink of snapping.

He apologises over and over again, promising he never meant to do such a thing, that it was an accident and he would rather die a thousand times than harm you.

You try to tell him that you know, that you aren’t upset over it and you’ll be fine in no time.

But he isn’t the type to give up so easily, and over the course of the next few days, you find yourself drowning in gifts trying to make up for it. However, you’re still concerned.

He’s there, and he’s there constantly. But he isn’t... there. His mind always seems to be somewhere else, and he looks as if he’s afraid to touch you again, even in the smallest ways. Opportunities that he used to take to hold your hand or brush at your cheek, he begins letting pass by.

You initially chalk it up to him trying to let you heal, but it continues even after you’re released So you resolve to bring it up to him.

He refuses to admit it at first, his pride standing once more in the way of the truth, but you insist he not lie to you.

“This hurts me more than that wound ever could,” you say to him. And it works, his eyes widening in concern, the best course of action (finally) dawning on him.

Yes, he had been avoiding you in a way. “I lost control over my own strength,” he says, regret rising to the surface. “I couldn’t bear it if I did so again.”

So you hold tight to him, unafraid of consequences that don’t exist, and you let him know, you make him know, that it was never his fault. Because you wouldn’t be here still if it was.

Savage

He doesn’t even realize what happened at first.

Oftentimes when he spars with you, you need frequent pauses, because he’s just that strong.

But today when you were training, you stopped longer, holding your upper arm tightly at your side, flinching every time you tried moving again.

Upon noticing this, he hesitantly walks closer to you, only to find the section of your arm that you’re tentatively prodding to be growing ever-closer to a deeper, darker, more unnatural shade of your skin than it should be.

Not only that, but the area already swells up, the area much larger than the same spot on your other arm, a trait not often found in small bruises.

He isn’t sure what exactly to do in the moment, and he has a difficult time keeping himself from touching it, as if he could somehow fix the wound by poking at it.

But he does eventually walk you to the medbay, profusely apologizing with every step he takes, holding your shoulder in an attempt to stabilize your movements and not harm your bones anymore than they already are.

He can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief when he finds out it’s only a small fracture, but the realization that sparring with you may be too dangerous weighs on him like a block of iron.

The thing is that he enjoys practising with you. Having the opportunity to help with your combat skills and spending all that time with you was something he didn’t know he cared so much about until this moment.

Still, he prioritizes your safety over these things, and as much as it saddens him to give that up, he convinces himself that it’s the best option.

So when you’ve assured him that the pain has subsided and you’ll be healed in only a few weeks, he finally tells you what he’s decided.

Needless to say, you aren’t too happy.

You argue, insisting that whatever led him to the idea that you weren’t safe was absolutely ridiculous. People get hurt during practise all the time. It’s simply a lesson in what not to do next time.

He hates arguing with you, even if he thinks it’s for the best. But in reality, he let’s you make most decisions, and even for this instance, he won’t contest you if you refuse to sit out on training from here on. You simply won’t have it.

And of course, it takes him some time to accept that. When you feel completely better and return to the training grounds, you notice him going even lighter on you than usual.

So in protest, you try to fight him harder, increasing your intensity with every blow you make.

And you’re back to normal in no time.

Thrawn

He is no stranger to bad wounds.

So when he sees you doubled over after a kick that landed on your chest harder than it was meant to, he identifies what that means almost immediately.

He calls for medics. Now.

And he stays beside you, holding your back and one of your shoulders to keep you upright. He tries to keep his composure one of support and care, but he finds it more than difficult to hide his disdain that help hadn’t arrived within a few seconds.

He’s reassuring you softly, making sure you don’t move too much, telling you that it’ll be alright and not to worry.

And he continues doing so, even after the medics begin checking you, through discreet scowls at the inefficiency of their arrival and mumbling about the expectation during emergencies.

When you’re in the medbay, half groaning from the soreness of your chest, he holds your hand in between his, admitting that he was careless, that he was making baseless assumptions about your reactions. Of course you would move to protect your head first and foremost. Why hadn’t he seen that?

And he’s unsurprisingly calm, as always, but that doesn’t mean he was relaxed. In fact, quite the opposite. Beneath the cool, rational reactions and the critical exterior lay an unceasing worry that you had learned to find and identify.

It isn’t much, but you squeeze his hand just a little tighter in response, and for a split second, you think you see that fear present itself in his expression.

When you both learn that he had fractured two of your ribs, you think you see the expression again, and this time, he’s the one that tightens the grip on your hand.

No one’s allowed to bother you, to try and pawn off work to you that they don’t feel like doing. Without your express permission, no one’s even allowed into the medbay. Thrawn’s had it, and he’s made it clear.

He blows off a good bit of work to see you for days at a time, only bringing with him things that are extremely high priority. Other than that, though, he pays the ultimate amount of attention to you.

And once you’ve healed, that doesn’t really change. Not for a while, at least.

He doesn’t mention training again, unless you bring it up, and even then he’s hesitant to discuss it. He doesn’t like leaving you alone simply so that he can train, but he also still feels as if you’re too delicate to combat for now.

He eventually does allow it again, but only after months of denying it, if only to make absolutely certain that you won’t fall apart upon contact.

#darth maul #darth maul x reader #darth maul x you #maul #maul x reader #savage opress x reader #savage x reader #savage opress #savage opress x you #grand admiral thrawn #thrawn #grand admiral thrawn x reader #thrawn x reader #star wars x reader #star wars x you

[pbaintthetb]

Watership Down Rant pt.2/ How Hazel (Arguably) Misinterprets Bigwig

“Bigwig would certainly be a useful rabbit in a tight corner, he would also be a difficult one to get on with. He certainly would not want to do what he was told- or even asked- by an Outskirter.”~ Chapter 3, Hazel’s Decision.

As I briefly mentioned before, Hazel is the POV character, and while there is a narrator, it can sometimes be difficult to separate the two. My first time reading the novel I was much more inclined to go along with Hazel’s interpretation of Bigwig, but after finishing, seeing Bigwig’s whole character journey, and on a reread I don’t entirely agree. There are two main characters who Bigwig gets very angry at in the novel, Fiver, and Strawberry. Strawberry who Bigwig blames for leading to Bigwig’s almost death (and he forgives it soon enough), and Fiver who is continuously (at least in Bigwig’s  eyes) putting Hazel in danger- until the snare incident.

Hazel seems to imply that Bigwig is trying, whether maliciously or not, to create trouble. One of his fears when they leave Sandleford and Bigwig asks to join is that, Bigwig, as an Owsla and generally much larger and slightly short tempered rabbit is going to fight with him for position of leader. A position Hazel feels naturally falls to him. Hazel lets Bigwig come with them, mostly because he can’t really refuse him, but also because as much as Hazel doesn’t want a power struggle he’s aware that he needs strong fighters and someone who knows more about the wider world- aka, Bigwig. (More on Hazel’s pragmatism later.)

Bigwig’s two flaws that Hazel picks up on and I agree with are- he can be quite short tempered (though we’ll see, Bigwig is good at separating personal feelings from  non-personal matters), and specifically doesn’t take uncertainty particularly well.

However, these aren’t traits that make a particularly good Chief Rabbit, Bigwig can think on his feet- but not as well as Hazel, Fiver, or even Blackberry. I feel like Bigwig is somewhat aware of this fact (his reaction to being told he’s not suited for a task later in the novel due to his temperament is one of someone who doesn’t disagree, but doesn’t like the fact). Therefore, my basic point is that I don’t think Bigwig is gunning for Chief Rabbit, and I particularly don’t think he is at any point trying to usurp Hazel. As to whether he truly believes Hazel is their true/great Chief Rabbit  from the beginning… no. But, he does acknowledge him as leader of the group, he does seem to default to him, or at least treat him as equal, and his criticisms of Hazel seem to be more that he wants Hazel to be better than Bigwig thinking he, or anyone else, would make a better leader.

Bigwig has a basic level of respect for Hazel from the very beginning, seen when he allows Hazel to speak to the Threarah, even though Bigwig knows it will create trouble for him because he trusts Hazel has a decent reason. Who doesn’t Bigwig really respect? Five, at this point he’s entirely neutral, but he trusts Hazel to trust Fiver. There is still plenty of room for Bigwig’s respect of Hazel to grow- arguably culminating in Efrafa- but he never once treats Hazel as lesser or makes a bid for power. The closest he comes to a mutiny is actually against Fiver and specifically because he thinks Fiver is endangering Hazel and Hazel’s authority.

Now, Bigwig’s not perfect, he does feel he’s owed more respect than say, Blackberry or Dandelion (though he also respects their own skills and talents and gets pretty mad when Cowslip’s rabbits aren’t impressed by Dandelion’s story telling), but also like... eh, he’s not wrong. Bigwig is the most knowledgeable about the world (Blackberry is a mad genius, but he more theorises things than knows) and is often the one explaining crucial things- roads, snares, predators, and most importantly- how to stay safe. He and Silver (tldr Bigwig but calmer) often stay up to take watches- amd this, like most of the tasks Silver and Bigwig do together are clearly coordinated and arranged by Bigwig. Bigwig also takes charge of a lot that Hazel feels he should do as leader, but Hazel is not lazing about during these times, he’s taking care of other tasks that a leader needs. The most usurp thing Bigwig does is essentially take charge while Hazel is away, but he always hands it back. Bigwig works like a second in command- and Hazel doesn’t seem to see this. This is particularly funny but also a misunderstanding on Hazel’s part when considering some of the first things Hazel does is put Bigwig in this role. Additionally, Bigwig is more than happy to share is wider knowledge as a result of his experience, but mostly to Hazel- because teaching takes time and it’s not worth, for example, teaching Pipkin how to fight a cat. This is why I feel that Bigwig simply wants to improve Hazel, he’s very calm and polite when he teaches him about the road, and points out that as an Outskirter and not an Owsla there is no reason why Hazel should know these things when Hazel is embarrassed about the fact. Both the other two Chief rabbits we meet in the book are ex/current Owsla, Hazel is not, and thus it makes sense for Bigwig to catch him up to speed. Personally I think Hazel is paranoid about his own position and protecting that outwards.

Onto how Hazel views Bigwig and why I think he’s wrong- but with textual evidence. 

“Bigwig would certainly be a useful rabbit in a tight corner, he would also be a difficult one to get on with. He certainly would not want to do what he was told- or even asked- by an Outskirter.”

Hazel seems to think Bigwig wants to usurp him because he was more powerful than him before they left their home. And in Hazel’s mind this is justified by Bigwig’s bluster and the fact that Hazel keeps stumbling across him taking charge of the rabbits... because Hazel has been away/busy/doing another important task and someone needs to hold down the fort- so Bigwig steps up, and then quite calmly steps down once Hazel is back, who doesn’t seem to quite see this at first because he’s paranoid. No Hazel hate, just truth.

However, for all of Hazel’s fears, there’s little truth to them. I’m going to quickly run through all the supposed challenges Bigwig offers upto their arrival at the Warren of the Shining Wires. (I’m deliberately not calling it Cowslip’s warren- because it’s not, he’s not Chief- the human is, the rabbits just live there.)

“If you’ll take my advice-” began Bigwig. “If we stay here any longer I shan’t be able to,” answered Hazel.~ Chapter 4, The Departure (after Bigwig has bested Holly, immediately before they leave Sandleford.) See how respectfully Bigwig brings up his potential criticism? And there is no note of Bigwig being resentful, rude, or sulky that he was shut down. He acknowledges that now is not a time for discussion/democracy, it’s a time to pack up and follow Hazel- whereas you’d expect some kind of grudge if Hazel was right. At the very least you’d expect something the next time Bigwig “criticises” Hazel in chapter 5. However, Bigwig simply states that the group needs to stop, he lists out the reasons why he knows Hazel won’t want to, but also lists why they need to- simply put that Fiver and Pipkin physically can’t. At this point Bigwig doesn’t even know Pipkin’s name (he refers to him as “this half-sized fellow”), but he’s one of Hazel’s squad and Bigwig’s protective instincts are coming out. Hazel is reluctant, but listens. Also of note is that Bigwig doesn’t demand this in front of the group as if it were some power-play, he walks off away from the group to quietly talk to Hazel, and it’s still Hazel who announces they’re stopping. Bigwig is not trying to convince Hazel of this after the fact.

Chapters 7-8. When the Badger finds them it’s Bigwig who leads them away, however, this most seemingly obvious element of insubordination is not remarked on by Hazel- internally or otherwise. This is because Bigwig is the only one who knows what it is, how dangerous it is (it’s of the “lets not invite trouble” variety). And yes, it’s because he’s Owsla, but Silver is Owsla too- this is how Bigwig seems to view himself, not as Chief, but Captain of the Owsla for their group and sharing power with Hazel. Now, Hazel has not given this role- but as we’ll see later he kind of defaults to putting Bigwig in it and Bigwig has already won a fight for Hazel, it’s not an unreasonable assumption. Bigwig is very annoyed when they arrive at the river and takes it out on Hazel- who notes that Bigwig is only steady if he’s certain of their options. Hazel uses some flattery to calm Bigwig down (honestly, a great talent of Hazel’s in many situations).

Bigwig gets angry. So, in chapter 8 Bigwig starts to actually shout and rage, but it’s interesting to note that this is prompted by Fiver. Bigwig is clearly irritated at being led to a dead end- but it’s more the exhaustion and confusion than anything about Hazel. However when Fiver says they need to swim the river (noted to be impossible for exhausted rabbits by the narrator) that Bigwig starts to get annoyed- remember that Bigwig was the one who got them to stop earlier. Especially considering there are other options. Still, Bigwig lets it go. And again, when he comes to talk to Hazel about a potentially sensitive situation he talks to Hazel aside from the group, and comes to ask what Bigwig should tell the group- Bigwig very much asks for permission not forgiveness. It’s when Hazel says they should stay- clearly for the Benefit of Fiver Bigwig gets annoyed- probably because of his slightly more worldly nature- they are in a very open and vulnerable position and he’s smart enough to know that Hazel just wants him to cross the river. However, some flattery, and Bigwig happily swims across, alone, to scout. This, again is very telling. Bigwig is clearly able to swim the river and not altogether unwilling.  It also displays Bigwig’s protective instincts and why he’s such a good Captain. Bigwig’s issue is revealed- though Hazel doesn’t seem to realise- to not be crossing the river, but the fact that not all the rabbits are able to make it. This culminates in Bigwig screaming at Hazel, after BIgwig reveals there’s a dog in the woods. First, he gets all the other rabbits to swim across (Bigwig has returned) and then he shouts at Hazel to go over, and not to stay for Fiver and Pipkin saying they’ll all be killed. Even Hazel notes here, that he’s surprised, but admiring the fact that for all his talk, Bigwig isn’t running off to save himself. Bigwig is a captain and can’t leave his men to die, but Hazel is the leader and he can’t leave the survivors. Frankly I’m very interested to see if Bigwig would have stayed, fought Hazel, or dragged him had Blackberry not saved the day. The main point here is that Bigwig never challenges Hazel on the grounds of not trusting or respecting his authority, only occasionally his decisions, and primarily for the collective safety of the group. However Hazel is still viewing Bigwig as a fierce independent rabbit who is going to make trouble.

4. Hawkbit, Speedwell & Acorn challenging Hazel, Chapter 10, The Road and the Common.

Hawkbit, Acorn & Speedwell (HSA) start to challenge Hazel, first saying they’d like to stop (they’ve been having a very gruelling climb), and then it escalates to saying they’d like to go back because they believe Hazel is lying to them and full of it. Notably they bring up his lack of knowledge about the road- something Bigwig did talk to Hazel about in front of the whole group for once. Hazel starts trying to explain why this is stupid (if the rabbits go back they’ll be killed), and what they even expect him to do, likely in the hope that HSA will talk it out until they air their grievances until they realise they’re wrong. However HSA are cut off before this can happen by Fiver and Bigwig approaching, Fiver who wants to talk to Hazel, and Bigwig who- it’s not explained why he’s there- but he’s heard the whole thing (likely looking out for Hazel). Bigwig scowls and says he’s going to have a “few words” with HSA- which from the little we hear through Hazel’s POV is mostly insults with the purpose of reminding them their place. We hear what we’re told is likely the end of Bigwig’s speech though and-

“And now, you bunch of mole-snouted, muck-raking, hutch-hearted sheep ticks, get out of my sight sharp. Otherwise I’ll-” [then he’s cut off by the wind]. 

Once more evidence of Bigwig throwing his weight around doesn’t support him being a usurper, in fact he seems angry at the disrespect to Hazel, and is doing his best to make sure dissent and disorder doesn’t fester in the ranks. Whether Hazel or Bigwig’s approach is better is a different story and more to do with their different personalities and roles- Chief/Captain.

Hazel, upon returning asks Blackberry where HSA are and we’re told this:

 "There's been a fearful row. Bigwig told Hawkbit and Speedwell that he'd scratch them to pieces if they didn't obey him. And when Hawkbit said he wanted to know who was Chief Rabbit, Bigwig bit him. It seems a nasty business. Who is Chief Rabbit,anyway--you or Bigwig?" 

Bigwig, being Owsla manages discipline much firmer and through strength/power. Hazel notes that he doesn’t know who the Chief Rabbit is, merely that Bigwig’s stronger. But this is actually a very good example of Bigwig’s loyalty- he’s angry but sticks to physical discipline while they’re merely talking about not wanting to follow Hazel. However, once they start snarking and perhaps suggesting Bigwig lead a coup/suggesting he’s a usurper/Hazel isn’t a good leader you can see how the switch flips in Bigwig’s mind. He doesn’t take the insult well, Bigwig views himself quite clearly as a second in command, and a loyal one at that. (Loyalty, strength and protectiveness are some of Bigwig’s best features). The incident isn’t really focused on again, but safe to say there’s no more questioning who’s really the boss, just as there’s no questioning Bigwig’s tendency to lead in lieu of Hazel. This isn’t just because of Bigwig’s own presence, it’s a lot to do with how Hazel treats Bigwig, even if he doesn’t seem to quite consciously focus on it yet…

Lastly to note and really seal the deal, when they meat Cowslip several of the Sandleford Rabbits refer to Hazel as “Hazel-rah” (calling him chief), Bigwig… doesn’t, but he doesn’t seem to object in any way, and, in a scene that I will dissect, really does seem to view Hazel with incredible respect and as leader- to who Bigwig follows but offers meaningful criticism to allow him to be better.

#watership down i guess #PB's long rant on watership down #Bigwig Supremacy Agenda

[ruby-whistler]

(quicksandblock) hi! I just left you a giant wall-of-text response on your Dream post, and though I think it came across well enough, I just want to state my lack of hostile intent over here as well lol. I know stuff like this that people feel strongly about can get very tense so I just wanted to make doubly certain you know I'm not trying to pick a fight or anything. it kind of sucks that I feel like I need to clarify that but that's fandom culture for you sometimes :P

also, I would love to talk to you about Dream characterization. I think I disagree with you on a lot of different points and I love his character, so I'm very interested in understanding your perspective!

hey, hello! found a c!dream enthusiast/enjoyer, that’s cool, hi! :]

[copied part i put in front of each reply, hence different capitalization]

Alright, so first as a quick disclaimer, I’m going to put a summary of the original post’s points, just to ensure that we’re on the same page;

The post does say:

- don’t dehumanize c!Dream because it continuously hurts people who relate to and/or sympathize with him, also dehumanization in general is an inherently wrong mindset

- don’t attack people who sympathize with him because he’s a victim of abuse besides other things

The post never says:

- you cannot hate c!Dream and not sympathizing with him is wrong

- the things c!Dream has done are to any degree excused

- don’t dehumanize c!Dream because he’s a good person

- people who dehumanize c!Dream are real life abuse apologists

If you read the post and didn’t get these points from it, i advise you to reread it as I made pretty much all of these abundantly clear.

[end of disclaimer]

i never said anyone could infringe on his human rights! i… literally never said that! i said “they ignore” when characters do it, but that was a run-on sentence, i get how that might’ve been easily misunderstood. but yes, he’s a fictional character, i’d never said people could actually hurt him or anything in that sense.

the thing is, i still find them saying they enjoy it… wrong? the people yelling in tommy’s chat for c!dream to hurt him more were freaking victim blaming pricks, and if what they did was the widespread fandom opinion it would be hurting actual people with trauma. i ask people to look at the c!dream situation with the same severity, because it’s actually happening and it’s highly disturbing, not just from principle, but because of what it leads to within the community.

sorry for comparing his situation to c!tommy, but narratively i believe the prison arc is a deliberate parallel to exile, and comparing his situation to someone they’ve not dehumanized seems to be the only way to knock sense into some people.

i am happy you don’t seem to be one of the people who dehumanize him. you’re not the target audience of this post - neither are abuse victims who project onto him. i know people who c!tommy reminds of their abuser (because of personality traits), or even c!quackity, that’s fine. they’re totally free to hate their respective character, of course, without being,, actually right about them. that being said, majority of this fandom is dehumanizing c!dream and being mad at people sympathizing with him “on behalf of the abuse victims”, not actual victims themselves, and by doing this they are unknowingly hurting other people rather than helping anything, and spreading misinformation as well as making a lot of fans in general uncomfortable. i believe this is something that needs to change in the community.

hating him is fine, but group-based dehumanization in my mind is not. if you go on twitter and search “c!dream” and see 100 people saying they wish the abuse victim you project onto is hurt more (this is not a twitter thing, c!dream tag is the same thing, a majority of the crit is untagged but it,, doesn’t really matter because even tagged hate riles up more people) that freaking sucks and is something that the community needs to work on, not shoved under the rug and pretend it wasn’t there because some people tag it.

“the abuse victims who are hurt by people saying they should be sympathetic towards Dream are in fact just as hurt as the abuse victims who relate to Dream and are hurt by people saying his evil.”

this is not wrong. it’s right actually, but i’m not talking about this fandom calling him evil/unable to be sympathized with/irredeemable. i mean, that’s hurtful dehumanization as well, but this community doesn’t “say he’s evil” it “says he deserves to keep being horribly abused and/or die”.

and… i wasn’t talking about/saying abuse victims should sympathize with him either? i’ve said like five times that people can hate him as much as they want, but dehumanization is another thing. it’s the majority of this community (this post wasn’t targeting abuse victims in the slightest) taking away his positive human qualities, hence believing he doesn’t deserve human rights, and turning him into some sort of punching bag or personification of evil, which i find deeply disturbing since he’s being related to by abuse victims, and also blatantly incorrect to the character.

so, you’d be right, if the situation was what you described. it… really isn’t. the dream smp fanbase isn’t populated by abuse victims in any corner. it’s two small groups, one of them hurt (undeservingly) by a few and the other one hurt (no more or less undeservingly) by a majority of the fandom without anyone batting an eye.

and this post isn’t even about abuse victims in the first place; it’s about dehumanization. while its impact plays a big role in why i wrote this, things like these being widespread in the fandom makes so many people uncomfortable or pressured not to sympathize with a recently made sympathetic character that they might (but could not) relate to. relating to him myself, i might not have a say in this, but my compassion in general made me switch over to the c!dream sympathetic people, not anyone in the community or projection.

the results i relayed here weren’t the only results of the survery. people mentioned pandora’s vault as their reasons for being dream apologists,, over and over and over again. a lot of them mentioned the fandom response specifically.

it’s making the fandom not only unsafe to a small group of traumatized people, but also fans in general, who are equally as important to feel comfortable. hell, the reason dream apologists are such a tight-knit community that accepts little to no outside feedback is because of the hatred that is endlessly nurtured outside, that makes people feel anxious or not safe just for sympathizing with a victim of abuse.

i myself find this a problem that people should attempt to change beyond using crit tags more. feel free to not agree with that, but a lot of affected people do.

i agree the disc finale was actually cathartic! well, that’s a lie, i used to hate c!dream’s guts before that but that was the very instance where i saw a person behind the mask and went “oh, this is a whole mess isn’t it”, but it was,, cathartic to a lot of other people that didn’t use to have intense empathy to inanimate objects as children djskdjsk (i was a weird kid and still am, don’t mind that)

do you know what is cathartic? when a dog terribly bites a child, gets kicked away and gets put in a cage. do you know what isn’t cathartic? …that dog getting repeatedly beaten, starved and abused while trapped in said cage. even in fiction, and i say that as someone who was terribly bitten by a dog.

i don’t mind fictional characters suffering - frick, angst is my jam, i’ll write a character dying over and over again and have fun, but people justify that or make fun of people who don’t by saying openly that they enjoy it,, because he’s done bad things.

here comes the double standard. the exile arc wasn’t cathartic just because tommy burnt down a house, because hell, that wasn’t fair retribution. same goes for dream.

there is a difference between enjoying dark media (something i do frequently and is something i like doing) and open dehumanization and often normalized harassment of people who don’t do the same or condemn that. that is something that in my mind shouldn’t be a mainstream thing in the community.

to be fair, people saying an abuse victim no longer being hurt is “bad writing” or “insensitive” as i’ve seen people say would probably piss me off, but i’m,, not going to harass them. maybe a passive-aggressive vague-post if enough big accounts do it, but i think that’s justified. feel free to disagree - i still respect abuse victims who wouldn’t like that, but people who just don’t want the writers to humanize a character they’ve dehumanized will probably grind my gears.

this community,, isn’t working like this. i wrote this because people are repeatedly being hurt by the community or feel bad in it because of widespread opinions and dehumanization of a character that is as of late written to be sympathetic to the audience. that’s not a disagreement, the people who are actually sympathetic are a minority in the fandom, which would be fine with me, if they weren’t constantly invalidated, triggered and harassed as a direct result of the dehumanization discussed in this post.

besides the fact that the principle of dehumanization applied to c!dream is wrong - and if people find themselves doing that, it’s good for them to find a way to realize that, such as this post, because projection =/= dehumanization, and this post is targeting one, not the other - this is why i wrote this post. i still believe my points are valid and important for this fandom to consider.

you know, we could talk about the characterization right now - but after this i’m going onto a two month long hiatus for the sole purpose of studying the character. i’m not joking, this is what i’m dedicating my summer to. since i’m also closing my asks because of this, i can write this down and @ you when i’m done? :D i’d love to talk about him but i’m going to have so much more evidence after this, so maybe we can put this off for a while if you don’t mind! of course feel free to continue the dehumanization debate in a string of reblogs since it’s pretty much a different debate entirely.

( @zrenia @caketexturepack just tagging some people who responded to your response and might be interested in the continuation of the debate - also curious anon i saw your two asks i was just busy djsjdks please don’t spam about people who replied to me, i have a bad memory but i write this stuff down, actually )

#my asks #discourse #tw dehumanization #tw abuse #tw torture #tw animal abuse #long post

[deadlyglacier]

20 Questions tag~

I was tagged by @mythicamagic thank you senpai~<3

How many works do you have on AO3?

40 right now, plus 1 that is still hidden because of the SOFA Exchange event.  (I’m still a lil fish.)

What’s your total AO3 word count?

486,920!  That’s so amazing to me!

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

InuYasha - A Feudal Fairytale (18)

FullMetal Alchemist (18)

Mass Effect Trilogy (3)

Let’s Play (Webtoon) (1)

Kingdom Hearts (1) But I hope to write for many more fandoms in the future!  I have ideas for fics for Castlevania, Skyrim, Fallout 4, Last of Us Part II, and more!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

#1.  Stardust FemShep/Garrus, Mass Effect Trilogy, Rated Explicit. A retelling of the Shepard/Vakarian love story, with lots (and LOTS) of sexiness, from Garrus' point of view. Starts from before the Omega-4 and will end sometime after the end of ME3. Trying to stay as true to the game as possible, while adding some things happening off camera and a new ending.

#2.  Flamingo Sess/Kag, Inuyasha, Rated Explicit Kagome's method of beating the summer heat attracts a certain demon lord...

#3.  Hawk Sess/Kag, Inuyasha, Rated Explicit Kagome and Sesshomaru discover they have a mutual attraction for each other after a battle and a slight comedic incident brings them together. At first their relationship seems entirely sexual, but eventually evolves into something real. What will this romance mean for Naraku? Or even the future?  *TRIGGER WARNING FOR CHAPTER 6! MAJOR VIOLENCE AND TRAGEDY* Very, very loosely based on "A Mere Digression" by elle6778

#4.  Daisy Sam/Charles, Let’s Play, Rated Mature Sam wakes up somewhere unfamiliar with a splitting headache with no memory of the night before. Takes place right after the S2 finale.  First chapter was my prediction for what would happen next, and then three other “wishful thinking” chapters happened, lol.

#5.  Chemistry Ed/Winry, FullMetal Alchemist, Rated Mature A look at how the relationship between Ed and Winry developed after Brotherhood ended.  Cute, sweet, funny, and hot (eventually—y'all that know me know I gotta have some NSFW in there).

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to respond to everyone, especially when a fic of mine has just been posted, but sometimes I just forget.  If I haven’t responded to your comment, please know it’s just because I’m a big dumb and forgot!  I love getting comments, and I reread them all the time!  I just feel like there’s a time limit to when I can respond to them--if I let too much go by, it’s awkward if I reply.  Gah, but that’s just me getting in my own head, I guess.  I’ll do better!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oof, definitely Psychology, a fic I wrote for RoyEdOTPoly this year.  The prompt I got was dark, and I didn’t see any way around an angsty ending.  Read at your own risk!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Well, aside from the last fic, I try to write happy endings for all my fics!  But, if I have to name names, I’m torn between Zoology (another FullMetal Alchemist fic, RoyEd, for RoyEdOTPoly this year) and Stardust (my Mass Effect fic, which is long, but so worth it, in my opinion).  Both are very fluffy in the end!

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Argh...  I don’t really like crossovers, to be honest.  I actively avoid them when looking for fics to read.  But that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought of writing them myself.  (I’m a total hypocrite, I know.)  I had an idea for an Inuyasha x The Sims fic, years ago, that I never did anything with.  The premise was basically Inuyasha and Kagome would get trapped in the game somehow (via the jewel or magic or something), and they’d be controlled by Souta, Kagome’s friends, Hojo--all sorts of different people who think the fact that Kagome and Inuyasha are in the game is just some kind of silly mod.  I probably won’t write it, so if anyone is interested in that crazy idea, have at it!  You have my blessing. <3 I also have a crazy crossover idea for what I call an “Ultimate OT3″ of mine that I’ve mentioned to my friends, but I haven’t actually written down yet:  Sesshomaru/Alucard/Sebastian Michaelis.  So be on the lookout for that!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I wouldn’t call it “hate” so much as “mansplaining,” but I have gotten a couple of comments that made my eyebrow twitch on Stardust--both on AO3 and FFN.  Just dudes (and I’m fairly certain they were dudes, just from their tone) trying to explain why a certain plot twist wouldn’t work, or tell me how to save Sidonis in the actual game (which I already knew, that person just didn’t read what I wrote). I’ve also gotten a comment on one of my more controversial fics, Hippology, on FFN, where the person asked me if I thought my summary was K-Rated (which, admittedly, it does need to be for the site, and mine wasn’t--because of a single word).  I changed it and messaged them saying it was fixed.  Going to that commenter’s profile, however, proved to be fairly enlightening...  They’re nuts.  They have another profile, too.  Read at your own risk.  Yikes. There’s also a team of people on FFN who make it their life’s mission to report stories with rule violations.  I’ve gotten a comment from one of them as well.  These people are not mods, they just like to pretend they are--one of them even made their name look official!  “CU Administration,” gtfo dude. I also recently got one of my fics removed from FFN.  It wasn’t even one of my sexiest ones!  They put me in timeout for 48 hours, and when I was finally able to publish something new on the site again, I posted Hippology (my centaur smut), and it’s still up as I type this.  (Wonder how long it’ll take them to notice?)  And since the fic that got taken down was a SessKag fic, I’m thinking it might have been a petty SessRinner who reported it to the “authorities” of FFN, because another friend of mine got hers taken down not long after mine, and it was also SessKag.  Just my tinfoil theory, anyway!

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes, yes, yes.  It’s practically all I write.  I do all sorts of smut, from romantic, sensual stuff, to specific kinks, to monsterfucking--all that good stuff.  Can’t change me~<3

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

God, I hope not!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don’t think so.  No one has asked me if they can translate one, anyway.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet!  I’m open to the idea, and I’ve had little discussions with my fic-writing buddies about it, but nothing’s come out of it just yet.  Keep your eyes peeled!

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Oh, now come on!  I can’t pick just one!  But I’ll give you a top 3 (in no particular order, because they change places a lot, depending on how obsessed I am with them at the moment). Inuyasha:  Sess/Kag FullMetal Alchemist:  Roy/Ed Mass Effect:  Garrus/FemShep

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I have a couple of stories that I deleted from my original FFN account that I’d like to re-write and re-post on AO3, but I don’t think I’ll ever get around to it.  There were a couple of Inu/Kag fics I had in-progress, and then a Koug/Kag fic.  I recently rewrote and reposted my SessKag fic from years ago, Hawk, on FFN, AO3, and Dokuga!  So maybe all hope isn’t lost.  I’m even writing a sequel for Hawk! All the stories I have in-progress right now I plan on finishing.  At some point, lol.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, without a doubt.  It’s my favorite thing to write, aside from smut, of course--which is another strength of mine.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions, ugh.  I try to do them well, but I always feel like they get stale.  So I keep them somewhat vague, because in my mind, I think readers will fill in the gaps themselves whether you describe something immaculately or not--they’ll see what they want to see, and that is totally fine in my book!  Or maybe I’m just making excuses, lol.  I’ll only describe something in a lot of detail if I want the reader to focus on that--usually an outfit, accessory, or weapon--otherwise, I leave it up to their imagination (I don’t want manipulate it too much, I suppose).

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Wildly unnecessary unless that author speaks the language as well, or if certain words already exist in the fandom’s translations (ex. “youkai,” “alkahestry,” etc).

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Inuyasha, and the fic(s) I wrote in the beginning were terrible.  I want to burn all traces of them off the face of the earth.  I was in middle school.  I was young and stupid.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I gotta go with Stardust.  It’s the longest fic I’ve ever completed at more than 160k words.  I was so immensely proud when I typed “The End,” and I was able to say to myself “I did it.”

I tag: @glassesmcfancyhair @willowsrain 

#SessKag #RoyEd #SamCharles #Shakarian #Inuyasha #FullMetal Alchemist #Let's Play #Mass Effect #fanfiction #writers supporting writers #q and a #I don't know what else to put so here

[nagisasstunningpersonality]

TINSITOGS, a retrospective (happy birthday)

(yes I’m like two days too late I know I’m sorry) 

Why hello followers and ass class fandom, nice to see you there. I’m sure MOST people know about this, but in case you don’t, hi. On AO3 I’m better known as livixbobbiex, writer of maybe one of the most infamous Assassination Classroom fics. 

Which I mean like, if you haven’t read it yet you totally should it’s fanlore at this point I promise- 

Shameless plug that I don’t need aside, I felt that, on its first birthday since actual completion, I just wanted to share some things about it. Some tit bits about writing it, fun facts, maybe even some author advice TM. I appreciate that it’ll be super annoying if I do that in the tags, though, so that’ll all be under the cut. If you don’t want to read the whole post, then no matter what, thanks for the support in general! 

I also want to take the opportunity to announce that I’ve reopened my discord, so if you want to talk about my fics with me (and others), you’re more than welcome to join! (the link is here) 

The origin story 

I’ve stated this many times, I think, but TINSITOGS was never supposed to be a serious story. Taking you back, quite a long time, it actually started in a facebook DM with a friend. We used to come up with “head canons” with each other, which were basically just very condensed fanfiction plots over a multitude of text messages. I believe I was trying to cheer her up, and I tried to come up with some kind of plot line. 

At the time, I was fairly fresh to the Ass Class fandom, and I was joking about how there were no teen pregnancy melodrama fanfictions. It wasn’t that I wanted one, I just thought it was strange for a school centric anime with a bunch of ships to NOT have one. And, back then, I only really cared about karmagisa. So I just decided ‘right it’s happening’. The reason I decided to make it ABO was due to ‘it making sense’. Fun fact: it was almost written as AFAB trans Nagisa, but I decided against it as I didn’t rate my ability to handle it well back then. Looking back on it, I’m glad I made that decision. 

Over around two months, writing out the plot of this story took over my life a little bit. I had no idea where I was going with it, but I was having so much fun with the drama that I decided that Karma and Nagisa shouldn’t get together soon at all, and I had a lot of fun teasing my friend with the ‘will they won’t they’. It was only when I got bored that I invented this intense drama plotline to finish it all off. 

That period of time was a lot of fun. And whilst that friendship didn’t end well, I still have a lot to thank her for. She chose Daichi’s name because I had no idea, and she wanted to annoy me because I didn’t like Haikyuu. When I couldn’t decide on his hair colour, the purple was her suggestion because ‘why logic?’ Daichi speaking Korean was because of how much she liked Kpop. She even helped me choose the title of the actual fic, so there’s a lot you can thank her for, honestly. 

After I finished that story, though, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Whenever I daydreamed, I used to think about that damn Daichi Akabane, and how much I wanted to tell his story. I’d even come up with extra stuff to fill in a lot of the gaps, and developed his character in my mind. I decided that I was really desperate to write it down. Usually that worked when I had an idea I wanted to work through. 

I wrote the first chapter in late 2017, and then the next two as well. I just, kept going, and realised that I could go further still. TINSITOGS was never something that was supposed to be shared, but I decided I may as well. After all, that fated ‘teen pregnancy drama’ fic still didn’t exist, and I thought it would be funny to make it happen. 

Yes, as I’ve stated publicly a few times, TINSITOGS was a crack fic. If I wanted attention from it, it was infamy. We even joked about me cursing the fandom if it ever became the most popular fic (whoops?). What I wasn’t expecting was a bunch of people, in a fandom where at the time there were NO ongoing karmagisa fics and it was pretty dead, to really seem to enjoy it. It was enough to have me keep writing it, at least. I still don’t know at what point I actually started taking it seriously, but somehow I did, and the rest is history? 

The reception 

In my wildest dreams, I never thought that I would be the author of one of the most popular fics in the fandom. To this day, the amount of views TINSITOGS has is insanity to me. For the record, across all platforms it’s on today it has 238,000, which is literally a number I can’t even visualise anymore. Almost quarter of a MILLION. To this day on AO3, it’s the most viewed Ass Class fic that’s an ACTUAL ass class fic (the others are multi fandom compilations). So yeah, I achieved the original goal, I guess? 

Now you might be wondering, “omg the karmagisa fandom is fujoshi trash”. And, considering the origins, it is kind of funny. The thing is, though, TINSITOGS was written at incredibly good time. It was written when there were, essentially, very few long form Karma/Nagisa stories. If any other fics did get posted on occasion, they were usually just oneshots. I was also, at that point, writing very fast. A symptom of ADHD is becoming obsessively productive over certain things. Since I was able to get a 3k chapter out every few days/once a week, TINSITOGS was consistently bumped to the top of AO3′s default view. And some of those first few chapters were altered canon, and transcribing the canon dialogue didn’t take very long. The more views it got, the more people would read it out of sheer curiosity. 

I think it also helps that, at least after it started getting some positive feedback (which was honestly after the pre written chapters), I purposely tried to make it ‘not terrible’. I mean, I personally think the first chapter is pretty weak and if it wasn’t somewhat iconic to a lot of people I’d rewrite it. But in general, I purposely tried to make the world of ABO my own, to make it more accessible to those who don’t like that genre, and stay away from the inherently grosser stuff as much as possible. I genuinely do get comments about how I introduced people to the genre as a whole, still not sure if that’s a GOOD thing but hey, it happened. 

TINSITOGS turned into a lot more than just a joke. It turned into my favourite hobby. It turned into a research project (honestly, you would not believe the amount of mummy vlogs and legit scientific articles about child development I consumed). It turned into something that, at least I believe, was widely loved. 

Meaning 

I think it might be wrong to say that I don’t have AN idea of when I started to take the fic super seriously. For me, it was around the time someone commented something along the lines of saying my writing meant a lot to them, that they’d spent all night reading it and had been unable to put it down. 

Not to get too dark here, but I do have a past in writing a very long, somewhat popular fic (it’s still on my fanfic net profile if anyone’s interested, but I don’t recommend it). However, in the latter part of my teenage years, the depression struck. Writing was the love of my life, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore. Maybe I’d be able to muster an idea or even a chapter at the best points of that, but I’d never completely finished any story. Starting to write again was a huge step in my recovery, and one of the reasons I convinced myself that life was worth it was being able to impact someone’s life somehow. Even to this day, I still remember the fics I read when I was, like, thirteen. How much I still remember them, and how much they meant to be at the time. I wanted to be that writer for someone else. To be honest, it was actually Yuri!!! On Ice that got me out of the super bad, but I still never wrote anything of real consequence. TINSITOGS was the first time in a long time I actually committed to something. 

And, to be completely honest, there were a lot of times I was tired of it, and wanted to just quit. But, the thing was, I felt like people depended on me in a way. I got so many comments that were just FILLED with support, telling me how much they looked forward to every update. It wasn’t just empty words, either, a lot of the times these comments would be super engaged with the actual writing. I can’t even describe just how much they meant to me, how much I would look forward to reading everyone’s opinions. And then discord happened, which was a lot of fun. 

TINSITOGS went a lot further than I ever thought it would. There were comments, discussions, fan art, fan FIC (which is honestly incredible to me). Someone even added it to TV Tropes, at one point. Not to mention the Cards Against Humanity deck and quiz It makes me so unbelievably happy that I could inspire that much creativity, but it’s a two way street. It was all of that which inspired me to write, too. 

Writing 

The only real goal I actually had was aiming for around 3000 words per chapter. I had a whole facebook log of plot points as planning, and I was mostly just trying to expand on them into prose. I honestly thought that, at its completion, the entire fic would be around 100k words, if that. Not, at one point, being literally the longest ass class fic on AO3. 

There are a lot of aspects that were directly adapted from the original messages, and I tried to stay faithful to it more so at first, even if I later removed some of the pure crack. But the style was also vaguely similar, with the story being told mostly from Nagisa’s perspective with swaps to Karma when it made sense. All the main plot beats, too, are pretty much identical. The plus to this was I was able to add a lot of really fun foreshadowing, and I feel like it’s a fun reread because of it. 

Honestly though, if there’s a demand to release those OG message logs, I will. Mostly because it’s kind of funny, and interesting to see. Isogai and Nagisa were engaged at one point, even. 

Obviously, it changed somewhat. 3000 was the minimum length, and the time to completion was whenever it felt right. One of my big concerns was about pacing, so it took a lot more fleshing out and maybe ‘filler’ content for some of the main arcs to work. 

There’s parts of TINSITOGS I don’t think aren’t written that well, and some that I’m still super proud of. I think you can definitely tell there’s a gradual shift in style, and I get a lot more comfortable with writing them as characters as it goes along. To be honest, my pride for the fic overall is what it represents. 

It is funny to think about the places it got written in, though. I started it when I worked at McDonalds with no life direction, then it went through my first year of university with me. It’s been written in at least four countries. Aeroplanes, night clubs, long haul buses, a train through the Japanese southern coastline. Even the start of covid. TINSITOGS managed to see a lot. I even turned a scene in (the boat scene during the India chapter with altered names) to my university as a legitimate assignment. 

There were also a few messages I wanted to achieve, once I realised I had the platform to put them across. One of them was, obviously, ‘use protection kids’. It was important to me that I didn’t glamorise it too much, and I think that came across. I also wanted to dispute some of the issues with ABO, and subvert the consent issues as much as I could. An arc I really ‘liked’ writing was how abuse doesn’t always look the same way, and that it can be a drawn out change in behaviour. How the most important part of ‘being a good parent’ isn’t perfection, but genuinely loving and doing the best you can for your kid. How love doesn’t solve everything, and effective communication can take a very long time to learn and build a functional relationship. I mean, there definitely was a lot I tried to put in, and you’re free to interpret it all how you want. But, I like to think some people learnt some of these things, at least. 

Daichi 

Honestly, Daichi developed almost of his own free will. I had a good idea of his appearance, and that he was smart. Writing him from birth until around nine years old (older if you read the sequel fic) pretty much allowed that fluidity. It was really fun to explore a nature vs nurture development, and let his own characteristics speak for themselves. 

He’ll always have a special place in my heart. 

This is the first image I ever made. When I was trying to figure out what Daichi looked like, I honestly just edited Karma’s hair (pretty well, actually? I’m impressed with my past skill). That’s where the ‘he looks just like Karma’ meme kind of came from. 

This was the first image I actually created of Daichi. I THINK it was on rinmaru games mega anime creator or something, but it’s literally not available on the internet anymore as far as I can tell, so I can’t double check. This was in the pre-piccrew days. His eyes are closed because they didn’t have the right tone of goldish/silver.  

His sister, Kaguya, didn’t even exist originally, even though I decided on that ending pretty early on. Actually, she was going to be called ‘Irina’ due to some hijinks. Initially, when Karma found out about Irina’s pregnancy, she was going to get super emotional and mad at him and basically force him to name his first born daughter after her. Karma agreed to shut her up, never intending to have another child, so when the surprise second child later came along they had to live with the pain. However, to be honest I just forgot to write in the actual scene that set it all up, and I decided against adding it anywhere else. The name Kaguya was a very last minute decision, and it was a chance for me to explore some ideas that didn’t fit with Daichi’s character. 

Interestingly too, Daichi and Nao were never intended to be a thing. I only decided that towards the VERY end. Even though the reason I named Nao that was because of a ship I had in a J Drama (Good Morning Call). It just kind of ended up happening because I won myself over with imagining the cute. 

The music 

I used to write with a lot of background music, though not all the time. Particularly towards the start, there was a lot that didn’t really make sense thematically, yet I would write to a lot. 

Here’s a link to the spotify playlist if you want it it’s basically all the ones I noted I’d listened to a lot. Not including the smut ones, though, I have a whole playlist for that. 

Some of the notable ones: 

Five String Serenade - the first scene I wrote of the entire fic, in Chapter 25 New Year Time where they fell asleep cuddling. 

Cosmic Love - when I wrote Nagisa’s love confession scene in hospital (I also wrote this pretty early on) 

Northern Downpour (though it was actually a cover by Emma Blackery) - The chapter after Daichi’s born (30) 

When The Party’s Over -  Confession Time Third Period, Chapter 69. I literally listened to this song on REPEAT when I planned and wrote the kind of ‘break up’ scene, and it’s one of the few parts that made me cry writing. 

Turning Page - I know I said no smut, but this song actually gave me the idea to have the “I love you” in chapter 108 be less on a whim and actually more built up. In the original plan, Karma really did just say it without thinking. I’m glad I changed that.  

Bury Me Low and Numb - pretty much all I listened to when writing the last few chapters, because Evil Nagisa core. So much so that Bury Me Low was in my top 2020 songs rewind. 

As for the title, there’s actually quite a funny story. I had no idea what to call the fic, and when that happens I usually just try and find some song lyrics. I really wanted to use something from ‘October’ by the Broken Bells. Not only because it’s my favourite song (has been for years), but thematically it really worked. The issue was, it worked as the WHOLE song, there were no individual lyrics that captured everything. And, if they did, they didn’t flow very well. And naming the fic ‘October’ would have been weird for a lot of reasons. There Is No Sweeter Innocence That Our Gentle Sin really was just plucked randomly, in a desperate search to find any snappy lyrics from any song that had some kind of meaning. After a bit of discussion, we settled that it kind of worked... if Daichi is innocent and they committed a sin or something. It also wasn’t the most obvious lyric from the song (Take Me To Church if anyone doesn’t know) so I just went with it. It works out, I think, because TINSITOGS turned out to be a pretty good acronym and pronounceable word in its own right. 

The merch  redbubble drama 

It’s a well known fact that I’m not very good at art. However, I decided to try pixel art because it seemed the easiest to not mess up. I made Karma and Nagisa, before deciding to also give Daichi a try. 

This, to this day, is the only good quality art of Daichi that I actually own. The only one I’m actually happy sharing and thinking it doesn’t look terrible. As much as I love people sending me fanart, it’s not ‘my property’, right. 

So, I was kind of joking about TINSITOGS having merchandise. At first I just made two funny quote things, and uploaded it to redbubble. I was never intending to actually make money from this, and I’d agreed to myself that if I did, I would just donate it to charity. I was joking with the quotes, but since I had this artwork I figured I may as well uploaded. Separately, there was also an image that had pixel Daichi next to pixel Nagisa and Karma (which I also created). 

Aside from showing up in a few people’s adverts across the internet, there was no real harm with this. In fact, I didn’t make money anyway. It was just... more the joke of it existing. I did, however, buy myself a Daichi phone case, which is one of my favourite possessions. 

The funny ‘drama’ comes in when they got taken down due to copywrite. Sure, the one with Nagisa and Karma, I understand. But the other three literally had no mention or anything to do with Assassination Classroom, aside from being from a fanfiction. So basically, someone who owns those rights claimed my OC as theirs. Which makes Daichi canon? Whatever the case, I found this hilarious don’t worry. 

How has TINSITOGS changed my life? 

This is quite a strange thing to think about. Because, in a lot of ways, it really hasn’t. As I’m sure a lot of people know, I don’t really consider myself to have any real ‘fame’, despite the impressive numbers. Whenever I tell people in my personal life, they seem to think I’m some sort of internet celebrity, but that’s never been the case for me. I mean, it’s hardly a cultural phenomenon. 

In a lot of ways, I’d much rather befriend someone than have them admire me. Possibly because being someone’s inspiration is kind of weird... I’m just an awkward duck who likes to write after all. I don’t mind it, though. I genuinely find it an honour, even if I don’t necessarily agree. I also want to take this time to say that if anyone ever wants to talk or message me, you’re more than free to do so. I’m usually super casual with people who do that, I promise. 

TINSITOGS was the first story I ever finished in the way I truly wanted to. Start to end, a full narrative. And it took a LOT. There were so many times I almost felt like quitting, or took super long breaks. For me, ADHD queen, actually finishing something was a huge deal. And I know I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t owe it to everyone who read it, and myself, to see it through. You know like, if I were to die tomorrow, at least I’ve left something behind. 

In a lot of ways, it’s changed me for the better. It’s helped me develop my writing styles, and way of thinking. It encouraged me to become more active in the fandom, and develop some important friendships. I always feel like my Tumblr and Fanfiction ‘known’ factor is separate. I think most of my Tumblr following is more to do with my theories/Japanese context research if anything, for example, but I know I wouldn’t be so interested in that if TINSITOGS hadn’t lead me to deeply examine character and really look into analysing source material for clues. I also think there’s just... a lot of myself in it. 

I was 17 years old, when I first came up with the idea. I finished the story when I was 20. Now, at the time of writing, I’m 21. That time has seen some pretty significant changes - just in general life facts and my own personal human development. For me at least, a lot of that was pretty turbulent, and TINSITOGS stands as a time capsule for that, in a way. 

I know I gained a lot of confidence, and it affirmed to me that writing is what I love. Telling stories and sharing them is what I love. 

Conclusion

Do I think TINSITOGS is an outstanding piece of writing, or the best fic ever? No. I really don’t. It’s strange to say because I definitely spent a lot of time on it, but it’s not like I put my full unbridled efforts into the story. I don’t fully plan, use a beta, or even read through on my own. And that’s okay - that’s not what I write fanfiction for. Fanfiction is my place to have fun with characters and stories I like, without the pressures of having to stand on my own complete originality. Yes, I’m fully confident that I can write at a “higher quality”, if I really wanted to. I’m also aware that some authors put their full effort into their fics, and that’s just as valid! 

It feels odd to say this about my own writing, but I honestly think there’s just something in this story. It might not be written in the best prose ever, and the premise might be kind of dumb for a lot of people. But, I think, there’s some part of this fic that managed to grab people. Somehow, at some point, many readers get captured into the emotions and so drawn in that ‘they just have to finish it now!’ Again, I’m not sure myself how I actually achieved that. Of course, that won’t apply to everyone, but I do feel there’s some truth in it. And it makes me happy, to have caused that. 

If TINSITOGS is your favourite fic, or if you genuinely think it’s the best story you’ve read, then thank you. I really appreciate your support, and I’m happy to have been a part of your life, I guess. I know how much fanfics can mean to a person, and that’s why I’m not going to take it down, or edit it at all. And it’s fine too, if you loved the fic for a while and moved on -i t happens. Whatever the case, I’m very honoured to have been able to occupy a moment of your life. Or if you find this fic in 10 years time, even, I still wholly appreciate you. 

This story was incredibly important to me, and thank you for reading if it was ever important to you too. 

You may ask, what now? Well, this is only intended to be a detailed look back for whoever’s interested, and it’s likely the only one I’ll actually do, a year after completion. Of course, if you ever want to ask me anything or just discuss the story, you’re honestly good to contact me in whatever way I have available. 

I’m still writing my ongoing stories, of course, despite taking a small break due to the university work load. I fully intend to complete the stories I’ve already started to tell, at least. After that... I’m not sure if I’ll still write fanfiction. Don’t panic, this isn’t a ‘I’m quitting writing’ thing. I may, however, have bled the Karmagisa genre a bit too dry at that point. Who knows? I am pretty interested in writing something original for once, so maybe that’ll work out. 

For now, at least, thank you to anyone who read this fic. To anyone who commented, liked, or interacted with me over it. To anyone who created or learnt from it. I’m really glad that I got to share this story with you all, and ultimately left some kind of mark, no matter how big or small. 

Happy birthday, TINSITOGS. I had a lot of fun writing you. 

#ass class #assassination classroom #ansatsu kyoushitsu #tinsitogs #karmagisa

[hongism]

Hyello, okay so. I don't have the emotional energy to take in and discuss everything in that chapter so imma just gush over the info cause I am a ✨whore✨ for world building.

So obviously MOC SPOILER

hi bestie HELLO guess WHO!!! finally ANSWering!!! altho im gonna answer separately and space everything out all Neatly bc im all over the place so strap IN we’re going on an moc RIDE!

THERE'S A WHOLE SIREN COMMUNITY?! AND YN AND IT MUST BE WOOYOUNG WERE FRIENDS? SIRENS HAVE A FULLY FLEDGE COMMUNITY WITH PRIESTS AND SCHOOLS AND MULTUOLE CITIES TO SOME EXTEND??? MAYBE EVEN AN ENTIRE PLANET WITH SIRENS MAYBE THEIR ORIGIN PLANET? HOW MANY TYPES OF SIRENS ARE THERE AND IN THE COMMUNITY HOW DTRICT ARE THE DIFFERENT ROLES?!?! ALSO DOES THE SIREN COMMUNITY ALLOW FOR DIFFERENT TYPES OF SIRENS TO BE TOGETHER? OBVIOUSLY THEY SHOULD BUT ARE THE CHILDREN THEN HYBRID TYPES, LIKE WHEN WE GET BLUED DARK SKIND BABIES OR CAN A SKREN ONLY BE ONE TYPE. WHAT POWERS DO SIRENS HAVE AND DOES THE POWERS REFLECT THEIR PERSONALITY AND DO THE DIFFERENT TYOES LEAN TOWARDS CERTAIN JOBS. LIKE WE JUST LESRNED THE OCEAN GOTTA BE PRIESTS BUT MOON ISNT STRICT WHAT ABOUT FIRE. AND IS YN INSTIC TO PULL OUT A HEART CAUDE HER PERSONALITT, TRSUMA OR IS IT RELATED TO THE MOON. ALSO CAUSE ITS A RED MOON WHICH IS COMMONLY A BLOOD MOON, IS YN THEN A SPECIAL MOON SIREN AND THATS WHY HER POWERS ARE STEONGER OR HER INSTICTS TO USE THEM ARE STORNGER BUT THEN THE MILITARY FUCKED HER UP. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

now this is the thing im biting my tongue on SO HARD bc it’s my favorite aspect of the world building and the universe and everything involved in it bUTIHDFKJG THERS SO MUCH I WANNA SAYYYYYYYYYY in short that one dream sequence holds more hints and information than ANYTHING from previous chapters, i think that it’s probably the MOST IMPORTANT dream to date. while we’ve seen some crazy ones in the past, this one is both the biggest hint and the biggest window into y/n’s past by FARRRR. even tho that whole scene was dialogue i think there’s so much to pick up on from it and so much to see and learn from it and it’s one of my faves bc there’s so much to unpack from it !!

Like yes the story and the development is freaking ✨yes✨ I love it. Genuinely think moc should be released as books. But I just cannot deal with the emotions rn.

But also now all I'm going to be thinking about how many sirens are actually out there. And if yn knew her parents and wasn't just an orphan the military found in the streets... How the fuck did she end up in the military grasps. What happened to her parents what happened to the community, is it still out there? Guess I gotta go back and reread the galaxies and the backstories, obviously I must have missed or have forgotten something. Ugh how the puzzle pieces are puzzling (or something). Moc is a drug and I'm not going sober anytime soon

(obviously you don't have to respond to my questions, this is more just an insight into the spiralling of theories going on in my mind)

releasing moc as books? a dream and a half, i can say that much slkjdlgkjlkf but back to the sirens... how many are out there? we heard early on that hongjoong was looking for ‘the last five’ but then seonghwa debunked that and said that was a mistranslation over time that was passed down and such, but beyond that, we don’t really know much about sirens as a whole? there are some hints in the galaxies and planet descriptions but if that dream sequence is a puzzle, i would say we have a handful of pieces that can be put into place based on what we’ve learned so far!!!!

Okay I lied, I am ready to unpack a little of the ✨emotions✨

When hongjoong explained that hwa tried to stop San only for San to detain him and in a sense make him watch the scene unfold. And then realising hwa had to go through that again, only being even more helpless. I don't doubt hwa loves San, but to see the events happening again, with someone he clearly loves as much as he does yn even if he also loves joong, and to see the desperation and determination must have been just. Horrible. Just absolutely soul breaking horrible. I can imagine him vowing to himself after San that he would never let something like that happen again. That of any of the crew got out of control like that, that he would fight harder to stop them. That he would would do absolutely everything in his power to stop it. And then being helpless as he watched yn do it. Just pure heart wrenching pain. And it must have been beyond terrifying to see someone you love ready and determined to kill themselves partly from rage and partly from desperation. With the backstory, that scene becomes almost as cruel as the warehouse scene with San. The only redeeming quality is no one needing life saving surgery in a time crunch, otherwise they would be the same level of ✨never again✨

honestly i think the two crew members i torture the most are san and hwa bc i just keep putting them thru all this shit and hurting them so much but really this was the defining point of why seonghwa was so afraid. before we kinda just knew he was afraid of yn and hongjoong was mad about it. in this revelation we get to see the source of the trauma and how it was amplified by it being someone he loves as dearly as he loves yn. and for sure when first reading that scene of yn and jisung in the brig, it’s meant to evoke a sense of anger and rage like yn is so angry to a point where she would do this sort of thing, but my hope with that scene was also to show that desperation. that when looking back at it after having already seen the rage and the aftermath, that reading it again shows how desperate and hopeless she was in that moment. which is exactly the same emotion that was evoked back in that warehouse scene with san, except it was relayed differently because the warehouse was a more immediate sense of desperation. this brig scene was meant to emulate that but in a slow burn kinda way where the veil of realization is pulled off after the fact and not in the moment!!!

Just to make sure you don't misunderstand. Those asks were compliments. You are an absolutely incredible writer. And the fact that you aren’t afraid of hurting your characters *cough cough* SHOOTING SAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? *CLEARS THROAT AGRESSIVELY* just makes the story much better. No one gets plot armour, making it more realistic (?) and really draws in the writer and sorta imitates the fear and desperation the characters feel

PLS don’t worry, i live for every moment and i live for these open and raw and genuine conversations i didn’t take any as an insult i PROMISE!! i think part of the nature of this whole trope of space pirates and criminals is that hter is no guarantee of safety! i don’t wanna have to cut corners to make sure everyone stays unharmed and undamaged throughout the story when the nature of the world i’ve built thus far is a wildly dangerous one!!! i always say that i try to be as realistic as i can, all things considered, and i think that’s the biggest thing that adds to the ‘realism’ in my mind so im so happy to hear that you see it and appreciate it and enjoy it!!!

OHOHOHOHOHOH ALSO

YN GRIPPING SOMEONES HEART??? YOU WRITE THAT SO FUCKING WELL. LIKE ENIGUH DETAILS THAT WE KNOW WHATS GOING ON, BUT ALSO NOT SO MANY DETAILS SO IT GETS DETACHWD FROM THE STORY. LIKE THE LACK OF CLEAR SUPER MANY DETAILS REALLY MADE IT THAT *YOU ARE EXPERIENCING THIS, NOT JUST READING IT* LIKE IT MADE IT WAY MORE EMOTIONAL AND OERSONAL AND THE READER REALLY GOT IMMERSED IN THE MOST HORRIBLE WAY THAT KUST MADE IT ALL RHE MORE BETTER. ALSO JOONG AFRAID????? JOONG REALISING HE GOT A FULLY FLEDGED HEART RIPPER SIREN WHO CANT CONTROL HER BODY TO MOVE THROUGH A HARMLESS DOOR BUT CAN DEFINITELY KILL IN A HEARTBEAT (OR TWO 👀) ALSO THE CONTRAST OF REMOVING RHE BLOOD COLOURED WHITE OLASTIC AND HAVING A CLEAN HAND UNDERNWATH. THE SYMBOL OF IT ALSO BEKNG A TRASH CLEANERS SUIT. LIKE SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY USE THE TRASH PROTECTION DUIT FOR ITS INTENDED PURPOSE. ALSO THE OART WHERE SHE SAYS SHES FINE EVEN TJO SHE ISNT. AT FIRST I READ IT AS HER TELLING HERSELF TO LIE BUT THEN I REALISED ITS HER ADMITTING SHE VERY MUCH ISNT. AND SAN NOT KNOWING???? AND KISSING HER HAND AND UGH AND SEONGHWA KNOWING. I BET HE'S LOWKEY GETTING MORE AND MORE AFRAID OF HER. LIKE YN IS READY TO KILL HERSELF AND ANYONE AROUND HER TO KEEP SAN SAFE. AND SHE INSTICTUALLY GOES FOR THE MODT AGRESSIVE METHOD POSSIBLE. IHHHHHHHHHHHHH I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND YOUR WONDERFUL WTITING AND YOUR TWISTED MIND THAT CAN CREATE ALL THESE FUCKING SCENES THAT GOT ME THUNKING AND FEELING ✨EMOTIONS✨

truly one of the HIGHLIGHTS of the chapter simply bc of how shocking and sudden it is!! for me, that was one of the easiest scenes to write in the chapter, oddly enough? it was something that when it came time to write it, i knew how i wanted it to be and was able to just sit down and write it out the way its written in the final draft of the chapter. i really love playing with those aspects of fiction and storytelling. tangible to a point, without spelling it out. i think it’s obvious that i really love delayed realization in writing, but i really like playing with how the brain processes information and for me personally, i don’t pick up on things right away! i can realize them in a snap or it can take me a bit to go ‘oh god that’s what happened’, and i like playing with that in y/n’s character a LOT.

and in that same vein of thought, there are some layers to that scene as well when compared to the door scene. in the door scene we saw hongjoong clearly tell y/n ‘you need to do this to save san’ yet she wasn’t able to do it despite trying and believing hongjoong. then in the heart scene we saw y/n clearly tell herself ‘you need to do this to save san’ and she did it then. so there’s a lot at play in that parallel alone too. and with that internal monologue she has of im fine vs not fine, then san kissing the hand that touched a literal real actual beating heart for me that was a sort of self indulgent scene and i was really worried about it coming across as too cheesy or something like that, but that is something that’s gonna impact y/n as a character and her relationship with san when they have the conversation of ‘oh hey i put my hand through a man’s chest for you’

i think part of why this chapter was so difficult to construct and write as a whole definitely is because of all the undertones and nuances throughout, and in a lot of ways it’s so so much to even think about that it’s almost too much packed into one chapter alone, but even if you don’t pick up on all the nuances throughout, i’m hoping to revisit them and bring them back around in that delayed realization style again bc that’s one of my favorite things to do ofc :3

#21y redeemed fool #mists of celeste #moc: spoilers #caly answers #sorry i wrote you a whole essay in response oh my god?!?? #T_T

[jacepens]

1: HamilTurn(you can differentiate if needed) or MCU, 2: Washette, 3: Anna Strong

And generally a fandom list would be nice to know what to pick from ;) (Love you♡)

You said HamilTurn or MCU and I say both, I'm going to try my best haha. But anyway, thank you!:) Apologies in advance if this gets rambly, but that's the point of this right? Anyway, for ease of scrolling sake, I'll probably put a cut if this gets long but don't worry, it's just me talking a whole bunch lol. Ok, thank you again!! <3 (love you too!)

1. Hamilton/Turn (fandom)

Favorite character: I have to say Lafayette for both. Oh and Mary

Least favorite character: I have no real reason behind this so sorry but Burr, and Simcoe for many reasons

5 favorite ships: washette, lams, hamliza, benwash, whamilton

Character I find most attractive: ...all. But I have to say overall Brian Wiles as Lafayette. That face just…🥺

Character I would marry: Mary Woodhull or Eliza

Character I would be best friends with: you know I'm not sure, but in an ideal world Lafayette (both versions) or Ben but I feel like we wouldn't be best friends. But also everyone, is that an option? Even some of the "villains" would have good stories to tell

A random thought: I feel like most people in the fandom now are so new (they joined in with the movie release!) and unaware of the uh atrocities of back in the day. And y'all are lucky, but those of us who know. Know. (yes, I was unbearable but that's ok because I was having fun, and despite what I just said: have fun in your fandoms even if you're "unbearable", just keep it welcome to all and enjoy the enthusiasm you have for it:))

An unpopular opinion: Oh boy. Maybe stop making quick judgments about people based on what they write/who they ship? There is a line, but I've genuinely never seen it crossed by anyone at least openly sooo just let people have fun? And don't say anything about something? Unless it's actually harmful but even then, keep it to a dm or something and have an open discussion. Just let people vibe, please? Especially younger fans. Just, I’ve seen a weird amount of negativity towards them. They’re kids having fun, we all used to be like that so please, be kind and patient. They’ll learn if they make a mistake. Ok? Ok cool:) (maybe not unpopular but still I wanted to say it)

My canon OTP: Am I allowed to say lams?

My non-canon OTP: washette, wow, who would've guessed? xD

Most badass character: Mary my beloved

Most epic villain: Robert Rogers hands down

Pairing I am not a fan of: no one murder me, but in general I'm just not a fan of jamilton. also whatever was the deal with Anna and Abe

Characters I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): um. Where to begin? Honestly I think every woman in Turn at one point or another, except perhaps Peggy in my opinion. Oh but especially Anna. Also Simcoe. With Hamilton, probably again everyone at some point, but the way Angelica was written just feels so overwhelmingly fictional it bugs me. (But at least Hamilton had some genuine relationships between women, not great but still)

Favorite friendship(s): Ben and Caleb, Washington and Lafayette (what?? yes, you fools. lol). It may sound a tad ~cringey~ but I generally like Hamilton's vibe with the boys, maybe it's just the gender envy, but it's kinda cute and fun.

Character I most identify with: well jeez, I won't lie but Washington. In both versions, except god knows I could never be that chill. Also a dash of Laurens.

Character I wish I could be: wow what a loaded question ummm. I don't want to be like him, but I want to be like in his position so Hamilton lol. Playing an active role but I know personally I am not cut out for a battlefield, so a desk suits me well.

2. MCU (fandom-that I am so out of date from, please take all of this with a grain of salt)

Favorite character: so when I was younger it was Tony Stark but now it’s definitely Wanda and T’challa

Least favorite character: ummm. I genuinely couldn’t tell you, I’m very out of date

5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon): wandavision, …ngl I can’t think of anymore, I honestly never shipped many and wandavision was like the only couple I remember really liking. Oh, I don’t know them but Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie

Character I find most attractive: embarrassing confession time, Loki was my first bad celebrity crush. Wanda now and Shuri is cute. Also Sylvie

Character I would marry: if I could, Wanda 

Character I would be best friends with: Vision and Peter Parker

A random thought: y’all it’s been so long since I’ve touched MCU I should catch up/refresh shouldn’t I?

An unpopular opinion: I don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion but I’m going to say it anyway. Personally, I really don’t like the movie Civil War, I think it’s what sorta made me disinterested in mcu. It’s been years since I’ve watched it so maybe I would have a completely different opinion if I saw it today, but at the time it just felt so...wrong? And childish? I literally don’t even remember why they were fighting or how that movie even ended (I feel like it just wasn’t satisfying??) but I think also, as a kid or teen watching that, it reminded me sooo much of the dumb drama that, you know, kids get into. I mean, getting your friends on someone’s side like that?? Like, I know they were mad but- but there are other ways of dealing with emotions??? And involving everyone's friends too? So yeah, it just felt off to me at the time, and looking back now, from what I remember, it just frustrated me. Especially as a kid who deals with dumb drama like that all the time, kids would want to see a better example especially from adult superheroes or at least not be reminded of the bs they have to go through sometimes. But, rant over, that’s all just my opinion:) 

My canon OTP: wandavision

My non-canon OTP: ummm. I guess just Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie lol

Most badass character: I have to say Natasha but actually there are many

Most epic villain: when I was younger I liked that Ultron was voiced by Robert California from the Office lol

Pairing I am not a fan of: I don’t know if it’s popular but I never liked Tony and Pepper. What happened with her?

Characters I feel the writers screwed up: I guess I’ll say Thor because I just felt such a weird difference in his personality that did not make sense to me

Favorite friendship: Wanda and Pietro!! Honestly I think a lot, there were a lot of good friendships but I can’t think of which ones are my favorite

Character I most identify with: ummmmmm. 

Character I wish I could be: My gut says Thor

3. Washette (ship-bless you<3 get ready for rambles oh no)

When I started shipping them: So I first had the thought in 7th grade while my history teacher was talking about them and my little brain went: haha that’s pretty gay. (teacher keeps talking about them) wait a fucking minute, that is pretty gay! But it wasn’t until I got sucked into Hamilton that I really started actively shipping them by reading fics and what not, but something about them became an instant favorite. And later (little personal story time) I pretty much completely stopped reading fic and being active in fandom for years and actually, when I got my first panic attack that - no joke - lasted for 5 hours, for some reason my brain (as it’s decaying lol) said I want to go and reread all my favorite washette fics and also do what I was I always too scared to do. Write!! So that night I binged the fics and found myself falling in love again, feeling all the old passion I had for them again, and the next night (still very shaken) I wrote an outline of a good ol washette confession + kiss that was extremely thoughtful and good, and honestly, I have not actually used that outline yet! Maybe I’m saving it. But yeah, this is a long answer, but I have a weird amount of attachment to them and this ship, I wish I knew why too. <3 

My thoughts: so many. Too many. First of all, I love that I have so many versions of them in my mind, right? When I started writing, I had never watched Turn but then I did and then it was like: hell yeah, another washette set. At this point, my brain has created it’s own unique version of them but it’s like, they’re so versatile! That’s one neat thing about this fandom as a whole, we get more than one character and personality and that’s just fun right?! More specifically on washette I mean, they’re just so sweet. Historically, their relationship is unique and cute, and you’d have to be a fool to think that to Washington Lafayette was just another friend. Even strictly platonically, it was something special and it’s so obvious I just love them. Ok. Enough thoughts for now <3

What makes me happy about them: the loooove, the comfort they found in each other, the fact that like every person at the time documenting them knew and understood they were special to each other like, they were just that in love. 

What makes me sad about them: oh so much that I try to ignore lol. There is the one year when Lafayette went to France and all his letters to Wash are like: “I have not received one letter from you, but it’s ok, I love you and I know you love me too :)” WHO WAS NOT DELIVERING THESE LETTERS, I HAVE NAMES, NOW I WANT ANSWERS. Anyway, also just most things that happened when Laf went back to France. And then when he visited America in 1824 and visited Washington’s grave. Yeah. ow. (also, you know what, I have done too much research on this event. lmk if you would like a post)

Things done in fanfic that annoy me: Generally, I’m not annoyed by much in fanfic at least with them and what I’ve seen. I’m still nostalgic for the old school nonbinary Laf fics, so it ain’t those. Literally maybe it’s because I’m starved for content but I can’t really think of anything, I love it all.

Things I look for in fanfic: back to the whole starved for content thing, I am a library of washette fics but I think if I was to pick a certain thing that I would love it’s just um fluff? And honesty, if that makes sense. Love confessions are very good as well. Canon era, please :) pining but not too much that it hurts me lol

My wishlist: literally all my wips. If I could whisk them into existence I could die happy and knowing I have put a variety of washette content in the world. Something else though, more fics :’) I love writing but sometimes I want to curl up with a cozy, new washette fic like a cup of hot chocolate and be surprised and learn something new and just..yeah:)

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: what. Ok but actually, Martha and Adrienne because they are both honestly perfect for them and I love them too (I’m going to be biased, especially Adrienne)

My happily ever after for them: Can Lafayette just move the family to America? But also, it’s sad, but like I know Laf would be sad in America while France suffers. So...maybe a world where things in France go better and Lafayette gets to visit Washington more often and bring the family!! (Washington visit France too??)

4. Anna Strong (character)

How I feel about this character: I like her! She’s fun and…strong (oops lol) and she’s made some mistakes sure, but I feel like she did her best to learn from them and move on

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Honestly, I know they didn’t have a lot of interaction in the show but Anna/Mary has potential. And Anna/Edmund

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: her and Ben and Caleb

My unpopular opinion about this character: I really can’t think of anything unpopular

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: in general, her having more screen time with less men you know? I mean like one-on-one kind of scenes. Also I would’ve liked to see at least her and Selah talk. Like, really talk. They never really did that, right? I just have so many questions about them

Favorite friendship for this character: Anna and Ben

My crossover ship: I have no idea

And well, I know it’s been a few days but for a fandom list, I’m just a weeb lol but here

Octopath Traveler (my beloved)

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Star Wars

Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

Persona 4

Zelda (to a point)

Pokémon

What We Do in the Shadows

Sailor Moon

Literally anything historical

Ok!! I tried to add a lot because I’m not sure what you might know or not haha. But thank you again!! I had fun <3

#ask game