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achaoticeternal · 2 years

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𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘂𝗽 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱

CHECKMATE SERIES pairing: druig x asgardian!reader

summary: when you make your first ventures to Midgard, you meet a remarkable group called the Eternals. but one of them seems to be bothered by your existence. (based on a series of requests and checkmate by conan gray) word count: 2.6k warnings: asshole-ish druig, mild language, mentions of death a/n: this is part one and this series is a SLOWBURN

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

498 A.D

The early visits to the realm of Midgard were considered to be quite a privilege at your age. Odin, the Allfather himself, granted the Valkyrie permission to allow you into the land of man in order to observe the art of combat and strategy. It was your destiny to join the ranks of the Valkryie as you matured, yet for now, you would watch Odin, Hela, and your brave guardians calculate and control all the nine realms.

Midgard was a decently long time, even by Bifrost; however, the flashing rainbow before your eyes burned itself into your memory. You could feel the temperature change as you made the descent to the realm, now understanding with the other insisted to carry thick layers with you. When you finally landed, a blanket of snow covered the ground for miles upon miles and kept falling from the heavens above. The planet held so much beauty; nothing compared to the halls of Asgard though.

The snow crunched beneath your boots that were slightly too large for your feet. An older member of the Valkyrie offered her old boots for your use. Another woman, who was of average height yet held a strong stance, stayed by your side. She never gave a name for you to refer to her as, so you simply called her your guardian. In the field, it was her job to follow you and make sure nothing happened to you as such a young Valkyrie. Her wavy brunette hair was consistently worn down which was a sharp contrast to the white metallic armor. She consistently carried herself with an aura of strength and resilience and was what you strived to be one day.

Even though you were on the path to becoming a Valkyrie, you were still considered a child by Asgardian terms. And sometimes youthful curiosity got the better of you. You had wandered into the tall evergreen trees in pursuit of a large white wolf that had caught your attention. It didn't quite make sense in your head at the time, but something about this wolf was enchanting and reminded you of Asgardian magic that you had seen the witches of the realm use.

Following it had been a largely simple task, tracking was natural to a Valkyrie, yet the pawprints seemed to have completely stopped. It wasn't snowing hard enough for its tracks to be covered, and you could still feel the same presence of the wolf. An eery feeling of being watched washed over you, and you drew out your knife - ready to attack any who approached with malice. But then a small laugh floated through the air, it was youthful almost like your own.

A girl with ginger hair poked her head out of the bush, "hello!"

In a panic, you lept forward to jab at the surprise. However the illusions disappeared, but the presence didn't. Another laugh echoed from behind you and your raised your arm to slash at the mocking giggle.

Yet before you could step any further, a strange heat washed over your body, causing you to freeze in place. The dagger fell from your hand as you were frozen in shock. Your mind was still very much you, but your body had halted all response. Were there witches on Midgard that your guardian would have failed to mention?

"Sprite, it's not nice to lure the mortals away from their towns to taunt them, especially a child," Another voice spoke from the trees. It had a more masculine tone and you only suspected it to be a warlock of the woods.

"Oh, come on, Druig. She was wi-"

"I demand you to release me at once," You called out, voice faining bravery in order to draw out the unknown subject. Your mind raced with different outcomes in order to determine a possible plan of attack and escape, "And reveal yourself!"

Again, a girl with red hair presented herself and motioned for the other voice to follow. Then out of the foliage, he came with blue eyes as clear as winter skies. He was adorned in black which contrasted his pale skin and the tips of his ears that were pink from the frost. Behind him, another lady in red followed, making signals that you didn't quite recognize from any realm. Maybe it was a language you could learn to pick up in your education.

"Druig - she, myself, and Makkari have all asked you to release her so do so. You're acting like some power-hungry god," A layer of spite in the younger girl's voice, who you assumed to be known as Sprite.

The tension was released from your being and you stumble forward a few steps. You sent a glare to the man and swiped your dagger up from the snow, keeping it at your side in case you would need it again. From Sprite's comment, it seemed that she was mocking your presence as an Asgardian on this planet, "Do you speak ill of the Allfather, of Asgard?"

All three people before you furrowed their brows in confusion at your speech. They had heard of such things only from the humans who lived around you, but your words held more than belief. They held the truth of another being on this planet.

"(Y/N)?!? (Y/N)!" The voice of your guardian weaved through the woods. It held a mix of both concern and annoyance, most likely due to your unannounced disappearance. When she finally stepped through the threshold of green, relief struck her face, "(Y/N)!"

She strode towards you in reprimand, but upon noticing the three strangers, the guardian pulled out her long sword made of Asgardian steel. In the blade of the sword, you could vividly see your own reflection and the man with blue eyes, "Who are you lot?"

The youngest-looking girl spoke first, "I am Sprite, my friend in red of there is Makkari, and the irritating fellow in black is Druig. We are Eternals, we watch over this planet."

"Now who are you?" The man who you now knew as Druig raised his brow, arms crossed over his chest.

Sending a small signal, the older Valkyrie lowered her sword as you began to answer, "We are the Valkyrie, protectors of Asgard, and warriors of the Allfather, Odin."

Makkari looked to Sprite and signed something. She then turned to you to translate, "So you are the people that the humans of this land tell grand stories about. We were wondering if they had started to go a little crazy."

Before the chatting could continue, the sound of a horn called from over the hills. It was a call for return so that we could reconvene to the location of the Bifrost.

"Well, this has been nice and all, but we," The guardian grabbed your wrist to begin the trek back to the group, "must be going. We've completed our observations for today."

Your feet stomped through the snow, attempting to keep up. You craned your neck back to see the reaction of these new Eternals and listened out for any conversing between the three.

"Well, now we know the Earth is capable of receiving visitors," Sprite spoke, her tone carried excitement.

However, Druig's eyes glared in your direction, sensing your eavesdropping on the group, "Yes. And let's hope they don't return."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

602 A.D

It had been over a century since your first visit to Earth, and not because you didn't want to return. The fall of the Valkyrie kept you from traveling anywhere outside the realm of Asgard. After your guardian had disappeared and all the bodies of the fall Valkyrie's received a warriors funeral, Odin commanded you to stay on Asgard and train alongside his son, Thor.

Thor was loud and not always the brightest. Though he did well in combat, his intellect and diplomacy skills were lacking. Yet the young prince had millennia before he would take his father's place. And even though the pair of you were quite young, he still pledged a position for you on the Royal Asgardian court and a spot at the Warrior's table.

As the pair of you grew up together, you also trained and studied together. From combat to language and diplomatic skills, both of you learned to become the next greatest legends of Asgards. Even Freya, who saw much of your potential, took you under her wing so that you could learn ancient Asgardian magic from herself and her court of witches. With skills in enchantment and conjouring, you began to advance quickly and remain a great asset to the throne.

Yet, your mind still occasionally thought back to Midgard and its people. Though you hadn't been eligible to return to the realm of mortals, you felt a silent calling to the planet. But with Thor having to study the diplomatic relationships between all nine realms, Earth seemed miniscule to him. But maybe you had changed his mind...

"(Y/N), how would you feel about a little vacation?" Thor came boistering into your private study.

"I do not feel like watching the Allfather meet with Laufey, again. We both know that the Frost Giants will be waging war against us and the nine realms soon enough," you sighed.

The young blonde shook his head, "No, no. Father is sending me off to Earth in order to observe how the people think us to be Gods?"

"Midgard? After a hunfred years, now he wants us to return?"

"What? Scared, (Y/N)?" He teased, shoving you lightly.

"No, but I am excited to travel. There's so many interesting things to see. Go, I'll see you at the Bifrost," You added, shoving him out of your space.

When you made your descent to Midgard again, the snow cracked under your feet, an Asgardian seal lightly burned into the ground. The village you had seen a century ago had grown into a little town but the same festivities remained in the air. In the sky above, stars twinkled and you wonder if they knew which one was Asgard.

With a smile, you lowered your head to further observe the small town. You pulled Thor to your side and pointed out things and told him their Midgardian name, "You know so much, my lady!"

Taking in a deep breath of the chilled air, you grabbed Thor's arm and dashed towards the town. He stumbled slightly behind you, but gained his footing and let out a howling laugh. As you approached the square, a giant log sat in the center and had been set ablaze which spread warmth to every corner.

Children ran around, throwing snowballs at each other as men carried barrels of ale and mead into various homes and stalls to share. The women carried baskets of food and mothers would occasionally pass a roll to their children to split. This human nature was admirable yet something caught your eye.

In a corner by the great hall, many youths of the town gathered in a circle while casted images danced above to town. You elbowed Thor to pull his attention, and pointed to the image that portrayed Odin standing atop a great mountain, "Did you ever hear anything about witches on Midgard?"

"Why don't we join and see?" He offered, stomping over to join the group. You shuffled behind him, cautious of what this sorcery was.

However, the mop of ginger hair seemed awfully familiar as the person in the center waved their arms to continue casting illusions. How could this be? Humans couldn't live very long, so how come the ginger girl from centuries ago was now in the village.

"Thor, wai-" but it was too late. The pair of you had crashed into the circle and drawn all attention to the two of you. Children gawked at both of you as Thor held you upon his shoulder with his godly strength as a measure of protection. You rolled your eyes at his foolishness, only to meet blue eyes that you had seen a century ago.

Your brows furrowed as Sprite, if you remembered correctly, motioned for the blue eye man and another man who was taller. You slapped at Thor to get his attention, "Set me down! You've drawn attention to us!"

Begrudgingly, he placed your feet back into the snow and caught a vision of the trio that stood before you. He stood a little taller in order to intimidate them, but he just looked like a fool. They looked over Thor with a curious eye, but then the blue-eyed man spoke, "So, you've returned to Earth, Asgardian?"

"Excuse you," Thor quickly interjected, catching wind of Druig's attitude, "How dare to speak to a lady of Asgard's High Court in such a manner!"

"How are you still alive?" You squinted back, eyes narrowing on Druig.

"How do you all know each other?" The man next to Druig finally spoke, clearly taking this situation less seriously than his friend.

With the tension in the air now cut, Sprite stepped forward to take control of the situation, "Kingo, this is (Y/N), Druig and I met her over a... century ago?"

"Something like that," You nodded sticking out your hand for her to shake. She smiled playfully in response and shook your hand, "Thor, this is Sprite. Clearly, that is Kingo, and Sir Tall-Dark-And-Brooding there is Druig."

"You've got some strength to you, kid," Kingo laughed, chatting with Thor. Thor's eyes lit up in excitement at such a compliment. Immediately, the two began to talk and become friends. As Kingo walked, Thor just followed like a puppy.

"So I'm guessing you guys aren't exactly human?" You quipped, resting a hand on your hip, awaiting their response.

"Clearly," Druig responded, shortly. You stuck your tongue out at him, trying to mock him, only for him to roll his eyes.

"Yes," Sprite elbowed him and he stood up a little straighter, yet with the same bored expression, "We are Eternals, celestial beings sent to watch over the Earth and man and they develop. We also have cosmic energy that we harness to use like powers."

"We call that witchcraft on Asgard-"

"And are you a so-called Witch?" Druig spoke spitefully. Unsure of what you have done to offend him, you scoffed and shot a glare at him - a warning."

"Do we have an issue, Druig?" You liked the way the name rolled off your tongue but hated the man with the name.

He remained silent and you followed suit. If he didn't provide an explanation, then you simply wouldn't provoke him to answer. It was an old intimidation tactic you had learned in your diplomacy lessons. But your heart thumped against your chest while his blue eyes flickered over your face before boring back in your eyes. A heaviness clung to the air and it was suffocating both of you, yet you couldn't exactly name what it was.

Druig broke eye contact and stomped off back to one of the larger houses. Your gaze followed him as you released a breath you didn't know you were holding. What a pretentious a-

"Would you like to meet the others?" Sprite asked, breaking you from continuing the thought. You refocused on her and quickly looked over to Thor. He was still occupied with Kingo and this would be quite the opportunity to make good relations with these Eternals.

Offering her a tight-lipped smile and a nod, you followed her off to a house of similar fashion to the one Druig entered. And though you tried to shake him, he still clung to the back of your mind - teasing your thoughts...

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

listen to the 'checkmate' playlist here

#mattie writes #marvel #druig eternals #marvel eternals #barry keoghan #mcu #druig x reader #druig imagine #druig fic #eternals mcu #druig angst #slow burn #enemies to lovers #checkmate series #barry keoghan x reader

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redhawtriot · 4 years

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Grey Area (Todoroki x Jealous Reader)

@sassmastermeg I hope I am doing this right... I have never sent in a story request before... I was wondering if you could do Todoroki - 6. "For fucks sake! Stop leading me on!" 9. "When I think if my future it always has you in it." And Midoriyia - 49. "Woah, you just met them." 42. "I heard that you like me." If you can't do both, I would be happy with just Todoroki. :)

Tip Jar ☕- Not expected but always appreciated💞

Thanks for letting me be your first!!! ❤️❤️❤️I wrote the Izuku one too, and I’ll post it in a second, but I need to proofread(ish) it first.

Anyway this is just a little over 1,000 words, but it is still much shorter than what I have been able to do recently, so thank you so much for helping me become a better writer, sassmastermeg!

HnM💕

Your life had seemed to be a muddled mess of grey ever since the day that you were born. When you were created, it was as if the one in charge of your invention decided that they were gonna pull the funniest gag in the universe that day.

The joke? They gave you a quirk which would allow you to manipulate refracted light as it bounced off objects and manipulate condensed forms of said light to any shape you wanted.

Wait for it...

You could effectively steal the color off a limited number of objects and shape the vibrant light into an attack, or shield, or whatever the hell you felt like really. You would use the beautiful rays to fold your laundry on Sundays, or start the shower for you before you got in, or even make Mineta “taste the rainbow” when he was being an intolerable little shit.

Haha Wait, this is the good part—the punch line!

You were totally color blind. You couldn’t see any of that shit. None of the colors that you would steal or pass by would ever be known by your eyes. Hahaha! funny, right!?

Fucking. Hilarious…

Whoever created you with that twisted sense of humor sure as hell seemed to think so.

“Y/N?” Todoroki called out to you as he paused his hand from stroking the top of your head.

You lifted your head off his lap, where you lazily rested it, to look up at him from the movie that you two were sharing with each other, “Hmm?” You took in his beautiful, indifferent, colorless expression.

“Would you like to study with us later this afternoon?” he questioned as you grabbed his warm palm from atop your head and laced your fingers around it.

You knew very well who the other part of this “us” was, and while a part of you wanted to show up and drive a platonic wedge in between them, another part of you knew that you would probably just feel like a third wheel and get your feelings hurt… again.

“No thanks…” you concluded with a much more resentful tone than you had meant. You quickly covered your ill-feelings with a more playful afterthought, “I think I’ll leave the study dates up to you two braniacs,” you smiled up at him.

“Very well,” he simply agreed before you two began watching the movie again—or at least tried to.

Your thoughts seemed to drift into other areas. The grey area to be exact.

You knew that you had no business being so possessive over a boy who was not technically yours. Todoroki was still fair game, after all. The two of you were by no means a legitimate item—just a couple of friends who watched old movies in black and white, and occasionally held hands when it was cold outside, and stole lingering glances at one another, and waited at the end of the school day for each other before walking to the dorms, and--

“Are you okay? Your forehead is doing the crinkly thing again,” your pressing train of thought was suddenly derailed by Todoroki’s sudden accusation.

Your small hand immediately flew to the top of your head in a feeble attempt to cover up your massive forehead, “What?! What thing?!”

“The thing it does when you’re worried.”

“I’m not worried!” your voice pitched up, “A-and my forehead does not do ‘a thing,’” you cited him with finger-made quotation marks.

“Okay, my mistake,” he dropped as the corners of his lips rose into a small smile. He grabbed your hand once more and politely rested the small embrace against your stomach. The sudden advancement sent a pulse of excitement through your heart, but you tried to hide the emotion. He was sure to notice if your forehead did another ‘thing’.

The two of you happily finished the movie.

“Well, I better be off to meet with Yaoyorozu,” Todoroki breathed as the heat of his warm body left your presence.

You could only blink in surprise, “This early? What are you guys going out to dinner first or something?” you joked with a chortle as you got off of the bed and started straightening the blankets back up.

“Actually, yes,” he simply replied as he began helping you.

You froze, leaving him to deal with the comforter on his own, “Wha…” you coughed as the word got caught in you throat, “Todoroki, what the fuck?!” you squeaked at him, but he only gave you a confused glance in return.

You took his silence as an opportunity to continue, “You just sat here and held my hand for an entire movie and now you’re about to go on a date with another girl!? I mean—” you threw your hands up, “For fucks sake! Stop leading me on!” you choked out. Todoroki still stayed frozen in front of you, a horrified expression plastered on his face.

Shit.

You were being crazy. He wasn’t yours. You bit you lower lip as the back of your throat began drying up, “Forget it,” you whispered, flicking your hand upward as the color from the comforter lifted and gathered up your small belongings in the room. You swiftly turned on a heel to make toward the exit of the space.

“Wait. I just—I don’t know what to say,” Todoroki softly began as he made his way toward you, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt this way, Y/N.”

You rolled your eyes, as if you could roll the impending tears back inside of your body, “I made it pretty damn obvious I though--”

“No, not that--that I wasn’t serious about you,” he corrected, causing you to stop dead in your tracks. He continued, “I guess, I wasn’t properly conveying my emotions. I know actions speak louder than words, but it’s hard for me sometimes to show things,” his eyebrows slightly furrowed, disrupting his usually stoic demeanor, “So excuse me if my words are a little too straightforward, but…” he paused for a moment as if he were trying to find the perfect words to say, “But I am very serious about you. When I think of my future, it always has you in it,” he explained, causing your heart to drop down to your stomach.

You couldn’t have heard him correctly. This seemed to be completely out of nowhere, “S-so we are dating? Or not,” you rapidly blinked, “I-I still don’t—”

“I thought that we were dating this entire time, Y/N,” his eyes widened. A blanked of silence plopped down an splattered in between the two of you.

“Oh…” was all that you could gather as you stared at one another. Suddenly, a phone call disrupted the awkward atmosphere.

“Hello?” Todoroki answered his phone, “Yes, we might have to reschedule. Something came up with my girlfriend, my apologies,” he said his farewell before hanging the phone up and resuming strong eye contact with you. This silence, however, was fleeting as he gathered you up into his arms, “I’ll try to be louder with my actions, okay?” he promised, his low voice carrying itself softly into your ear.

Your heart fluttered against the walls of your chest as you let yourself melt into him. It was no understatement to say that your life had been a back to back series of grey, and you were sure that there was some being out there who was laughing at your previous, unfortunate circumstances; however, if you could escape from any grey area in your life you were happy that it had been this one.

You smiled against Todoroki’s chest at the light and colorful thought.

#bnha #mha #my hero academia #todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto #shouto todoroki #todoroki imagine #bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha imagine #bnha imagines #boku no hero academia

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iridescentoracle · 4 years

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ask game!

Tagged by @bookhobbit

1. Nickname: well, “jenny,” mostly; occasionally “jen” from @jenesaispourquoi and @amairylle, and an offline assortment from my family

2. Zodiac sign: Gemini

3. Height: 5′5″

4. Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw!

5. Last thing I googled: “degrees of murder”

6. Favourite musicians: I Mean. even if i hadn’t answered this one last time, Who Do You Think

7. Song stuck in my head: Forget About It, by All Time Low

8. Following now: 156 blogs, although quite a few of those are dead or on hiatus

9. Followers: 499, apparently; it’s been hovering around 500 for about a year now, i think?

10. Do I get asks: not… really? like, i’ll get one every few months, i suppose, but that’s about it

11. Amount of sleep: i mean… depends on the day? i try to get to bed around 11pm on weekdays, so i can actually get 8–9hrs, but it definitely varies, and weekends i think i tend to get anywhere from 9hrs to 12+. if we’re talking pre-quarantine/being allowed to work from home, i was trying to going to bed earlier but getting up at 6:30 so i could catch the bus on time, so… 8-ish hours on weekdays if i was being nice to future me? i spent five years consistently sleep-deprived and two of those years running on about 5hrs a night + caffeine + anxiety, i’m reaaaaally over the chronic sleep deprivation thing

12. Lucky number: i mean, i don’t think of it as a lucky number as such but my favorite number is definitely twelve, with six as a close contender.

13. What I’m wearing: black graphic tee tucked into black high-waisted skinny jeans and a black cardigan. the shirt has a dragon on it!

14. Dream job: see i don’t have a dream job, i have a dream life that involves being able to just study stuff and crochet/knit and bake and copy-edit stuff (for fun) and not having to Do A Job.

15. Dream trip: I… don’t actually particularly like travel tbh? there’s places i’d like to be (anywhere i could hang out with allie, sarah, or better yet, both at once, for starters), but the actual getting there would be stressful, not part of the fun.

16. Favorite food: hmmm… gotta go with biscuits and chocolate gravy for that one, i think. my birthday’s in a few months and i’m dying inside bc i haven’t had it for my own birthday since 2013 and i miss it (though shout-out to @quadrilioquy @seekerstone and my baby sister for all requesting it for their birthdays specifically in part bc they knew that and are the best siblings)

17. Instruments: like, that i play? piano, badly. that i’d like to play, then drums; that i like listening to, electric guitar

18. Languages: I am shamefully monolingual; i studied japanese for a year in high school and a year in college, so i can read (like, pronounce) kana and have a smattering of kanji & basic vocab/grammar knowledge, but that’s about it. if i gotta have a conversation encompassing topics that aren’t “how much does that item over there cost” or “what time is it” i’m sunk

19. Favorite song: don’t make me do this again

20. Random fact: whennnn i was younger / so much younger than todaaay i was like fourteen i spent so much time playing tetris on my mom’s ipod touch + listening to abba i don’t automatically recognize the tetris music as the tetris music bc i forget tetris has music that isn’t abba gold

21. Aesthetic:

iridescence, pastels, rainbows, glitter

#00FFFF, #CCFFFF, #0000BF, #8FAADD, #310CA7, #22256D

memento mori catholicism

Tagging: @katastrophekid @helico-ptera-umbrarum @bookhobbit @tenderjock @steelplatedhearts @songofsunset @enjolradical @shamrockjolnes

#take a look at me #ask meme

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yeoldontknow · 7 years

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Of The Tide And The Sea: snapshot

Author’s Note: This really was meant to be uploaded here for Suho’s birthday but I fell quite behind with life and editing/plotting things for Hero. It’s quite short, but I do hope everyone enjoys it. I’ve written things here in my phone over the past year and decided to put my favourite parts together for our glorious leader. Enjoy <3

Genre: Art History Professor!Suho x Reader (oc; ambiguous gender)

Rating: PG-ish

Warnings: some angst; some sexual references but they aren’t terribly graphic

Word Count: 1,950

The whole of his Ph.D amounts to you.

His work, his lectures, the papers, the art, it all amounts to nothing but a pathway to you. Junmyeon knows these things the moment he meets your eyes, and thinks he should feel frustration or contempt, but all he can muster is the glorious acceptance of fate. It nestles in his veins like a simple syrup, sticking to all the secret parts of him and making his blood feel like sugar. Somehow, every brush stroke held a whisper of your pull. Somehow, every enchanting sculpture assumed your shape. Like he had been expecting you. Like he had been waiting.

You’re assigned to him as a department assistant, there to help, to grade papers, to prepare slides of paintings and people, and to learn from him all the things a book or museum cannot. Standing in his office, you are tall and confident and attentive, studying the way he’s surrounded himself in art - likely all the missing shades of you - and he nearly buckles under the weight of his longing.

He’s meant to be your guide, but he looks at you and feels and sees all the things he has not; all the lonely parts of him bending forward and begging you for the education of a life unlived. Never has he craved, not like this, not with a desire so profound and disruptive that he vividly envisions the end of his career and grasps at it with greedy fingers.

When he looks at you, he fancies breaking rules. When he looks at you, he fancies danger and the nakedness of Renaissance art, and the blush of viewers - no, his blush. He sees dresses of silk with exposed wrists and ankles, eyes of subjects asking to live and to die and to touch, and finally understands why he found art so moving in its temptations. He gets it now, that the desire within a frame was never enough to be merely viewed, it had to be felt, and experienced from the inside out. All he needed was to see you.

When he looks at you, he sees blue - but it isn’t the simplified navy, a plain shade overused by social media apps, advertisements, and fucking Google. No. He looks at you and to him you are nothing but cerulean and aqua, bold and complex and vibrant - radiant and loud in all the ways the ocean is deafening. You fill him the way the sea fills the open spaces of the earth, molding into caverns and scars he didn’t know he had and didn’t know needed to be healed. You’re Madonna and you’re Venus, you’re the sea and you’re the stars, and he thinks the world has done nothing but paint you for an eternity.

When he reaches for your hand to shake, he thinks of himself as the tide to your low moon, reaching and retreating with such speed you hardly acknowledge the action. He thinks you hardly remember he was there at all.

Junmyeon is compressed into smallness by the force of his fear. There is yearning here, in these tight spaces, a yearning for you and your sighs and your hands. Your hands, covered in paint and calloused by wooden brushes. Your wet mouth, saying it is never enough to stand in museums and watch, it is always about giving yourself to the canvas until you are dry.

His yearning flexes with the elasticity of his skin when he moves and breathes, growing in a yawn that is both thunderous and silent. There are questions he wants to ask, things he wants to say, all of them forbidden and none of them appropriate, but they claw at him in irresistible ways and the only one he can blame for this torture is himself. There is nowhere for his devotion to go and his head is loud with the regret of choices he has made, and has yet to make. And he is aching, sore and sick with the thought of possibility. Everyday, he sees and smells you, and everyday his tongue grows heavier - making it harder to speak or eat or do anything but think of kissing you.

Idly you lounge on the couch in his office, essays in a pile at your side, on the floor, and a pen between your lips, chewing and humming. He should be grading, he should be helping, he should be taking, but instead he is sketching.

His mind is cluttered with thoughts of you and he is ashamed of the mess he has made, but never ashamed of the images for they are pieces of your whole. He’s blurred them together to make room for more where there is none. The details have faded and smeared but they are all there, in his head, and now they are finally choosing to live on paper. You were always better at this than he, adept with tracing and shading, but he doesn’t think he needs to make your lines so defined - you are too many things, too many beautiful things, to have just one shape.

This is when he is emptying himself at a well, and the only thing that could fill him up again is you. Over and over, a cauldron of nothing but a resolute system of love; a ritual of consumption and creation, and all of it transcendent in its majesty.

Today, he is walking you home in the rain and he thinks he’s seen this before in a painting or a film. He tries to remember the script of it, or the framing - the distance between the subjects or the colour of the umbrella, but decides that even though none of it matches, his reality is infinitely better.

Today, you are yellow. You are carrying the sun with you, tucked neatly beneath your skin, so that only you and only he can see it. You are carrying the sun and making light where there is none, breaking the clouds with your laughter and your voice, and he’s overwhelmed in anticipation of the day you create a rainbow. He believes he will crumble, falling at your feet with a smile and a plea of let me be yours, I am nothing but yours.

Today, he is hopeful. He knows the area where you live quite well and thinks you should have at least been in your neighborhood by now, but you have walked him down the same road four times and it’s clear you are stalling. Of all days, wouldn’t this be the one where you rush to be dry? Wouldn’t this be the one where you covet the comforts of home with a frustration born entirely out of work and commuting? He doesn’t mention this, not explicitly. He plays dumb and pretends he is lost, and jokes that this store looks nothing like the other ones we’ve passed to see if you catch on or interrupt the walk, a teasing test. But you shake your head, and smile, playing along, and say well yes, they all look the same in some way because they’re a chain.

It isn’t. It’s a family run florist. You want him as much as he wants you, at least for today.

There is no reason for you to be there, not now anyway. No exams, no papers, no hours in session, you had no reason to be in his office breathing heavily and looking serious. You shut the door behind you so quietly he almost didn’t notice - almost. He’d sensed you the minute you entered the hall, and when he heard the determination in your footsteps he had to remember to look distracted when you entered the room. He had to convince you he wasn’t paying attention, even though he thinks his soul will always find you even if his eyes are slow and ill prepared.

The glasses on his nose suddenly feel heavy as he looks at you, and he narrows his brow because today you are too many colours battling for dominance. He’s never seen you so unsure and conversely so resolved, so he comes to stand with his hands in his pockets and his chest racing in worry.

‘Are you ok?’ he asks. This is unplanned. He smothers a scoff. You were unplanned, all of this was unplanned, and he thinks it’s ironic he still isn’t immune to surprise.

‘No,’ is your curt reply.

He bites his lip and nearly howls. Something has upset you. He thinks momentarily this is about him, but he stops himself. Your world does not begin and end with him, the hours in your day expanding painfully onward without him and he should never allow himself to be so arrogant to think yours are filled with him the way he is never truly free of you.

‘How can I help?’

‘Kiss me.’

He doesn’t move, legs of stone and feet one with the earth - roots of iron spawning beneath his feet at your request. In an ideal world, he’s already be pawing at your mouth with a desperation bordering on biblical but he can’t truly believe this is real. And when reality finally caresses his cheek, he is buried in nothing but consequence.

‘I have tried,’ you explain, ‘to show you that I want you, and I have also tried to not want you. And if I walk out of here knowing nothing else can or will happen, I at least need to know that I tried. That we tried.’

Junmyeon doesn’t need more than this, doesn’t need reasons or the will of a warrior, he just needs your voice, breathless and imploring him to try, in order to feel brave. He crosses the office in fewer steps than he thinks is possible in such a space, but he’s there and you are in his arms, and he can finally taste you.

You are jubilant and impossible to hold. You’re all over him, everywhere at once like a chemical reaction, and his lips press against yours in all the ways he’s imagined after weeks and weeks of watching but never touching. When you sigh, he feels a thrill in his spine. When you moan into him, he thinks he may die. Your tongue is wet and warm and curious, and he matches all its strength with his own.

You crash over him, the great sea of you filling him and leaving him empty in a rhythm that matches your tongue and he pulls away to catch his breath. He watches you with wide, wet eyes, and curses himself that he cannot etch himself into your bones. He wants to linger there, forever and always, marking places only he can touch and only the dust of time can see.

He presses you against the door, fisting his hands in your hair, and this he thinks is the way museums were meant to be enjoyed. Anything created in one visceral moment should never be immobile or unloved; never had a subject been painted without being held or handled, and never would he lift his arms or mouth from you again.

At the end of the world, he’d say image is forever but taste is what resonates, in the mouth and in the heart; art is undignified in its justice, unfair and inadequate. At the end of the world, he’d say your ocean waves washed over him and dragged him out, pulled him from all the corners he been hiding in for years, for decades, and set him afloat in absolution.

At the end of the world, he’d say we tried.

#exo scenarios #suho x reader #kpoptrashtag #suho scenario #exo fanfiction #exo au #exo ff #kim junmyeon #junmyeon #exo #suho #sweet suho #exo k #art professor!suho #junmyeon scenario #junmyeon x reader

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inhalareexhalare · 5 years

Text

One-Dimensional Dissonance

Ms Reyna suggested that I could take improvement programs as a form of supplement to my self-improvement. And now that becomes fuel to my longstanding dilemma of hypocrisy, as follows:

Ohhhh. You know, I feel like a freaking hypocrite a lot of times. Like the fact that I want to become a psychologist, but I would probably not go see one if I needed one. I don't even go to counseling in school hahaha Just like that, I want to improve myself, but I wouldn't join an improvement program. I value my own freedom too highly hahaha

I guess one thing also is that improvement programs necessarily do have things figured out, in some way, so they have some form of formula on how to help you improve. But I want to find them all out on my own. I feel like it won't be the same if someone else gives me the answers... I think of psychiatrists and improvement programs as last resorts, so what does that say about my chosen vocation, psychology?

hmmmmmm. I am very clearly resistant to the idea, although I am not allergic to psychiatrists or psychologists, or life coaches (in fact, I think they’re awesome and I want to ask so many questions!)

Enrolling to any of them sort of feels like selling my soul to a church though. For me, it feels like, as I enter, a leash tightens around my neck.

HMMMMM.

This inner contradiction is so confusing.

In psychology by the way, this is called cognitive dissonance.

Here’s the deal. The truth is that I’m not a one-dimensional person who just either wants psychology or doesn’t.

The thing is, I also have trust issues, and am at the peak of discomfort when around strangers who suddenly are given permission to take charge of my life.

I’m not afraid of help, in fact I know I need it. I know that human beings are prone to twisting reality into what they find comfort in, and prefer to hide from the truth unconsciously. And as a writer and librarian in pursuit of truth, I dislike nothing more than that.

Combine that fact with the trust issue above, ends up with me reaching out to close friends when I am troubled. They have helped me in many ways, although yes, I do believe these coaches and doctors would have a larger, bigger-picture-type of insight to my inner life.

What can I do about this?

All I can think of is:

(1) TRY counseling with a psychologist/psychiatrist or both at least once in my life=Gather insights.

(2) TRY teaming up with a life coach at least once in my life=Gather insights.

I don’t want to remain blind towards things I am afraid of. I need to see them up close so I can paint a better bigger picture of my wholeness.

Oh my God. This is actually a mission now. Sort of like a bucket list-ish self-dare.

Mission: Try undergoing psychological counseling and joining life coaching programs at least once

To Reyna:

Thanks sa prompt!!!! Imma try this new challenge

[Thanks for the prompt]

2019-03-01 09:00 Philippines Friday

Ms. Charree and the Dean Team accepted my invitation to lunch together by letting me accept their invitation to attend a Catholic mass.

Ms. Charree was surprised and was worried with my initiative, wondering if this is okay since I am technically a Christian, and she doesn't know if Christians are allowed to go to other churches. I said it was fine hahaha

It was a heartwarming experience to be honest. They are very ceremonial in their ways but I see their love.

I love especially how Ms. Charree didn't teach me to hold hands in one of the ceremonies.

It's important not to do things without knowing their meaning.

Oh and also Dr. Seth was seated three rows before us. In "peace be with you," I looked for her eyes and ours met. She turned around as if in habit and then turned to look again, surprised to find me hahahah

We don't know who comes to this church more frequently than her. She knows who doesn't and and who does come. She smiled as I smiled my, probably, most sincere smile around her.

It's in our wordless interactions that I find meaning the most.

I felt unrestrained-ly happy because I felt her smile was warm. It was something human about her, outside of work.

I look forward to lunch.

2019-03-01 12:45 Philippines Friday

Lunch was also some radical change. Just kidding.

But it really was awesome. Ms. Bel has a lot of stories on things this workplace can improve on. The problem is that those who make the decisions rarely feel like improving.

Ms. Charree half-jokingly said that we all didn’t notice the time because I was too noisy hahaha partly true! I did initiate ideas here and there. I love asking questions.

On the way back to my office, I told Ms. Jun that people were just talking about her, as she opened the door to her office lol, and then I said hi to Ms. Len and she had this beautiful smile (we’re getting a lot closer online too!) and then Ms. Gi who noticed me and waved, and then Dr. Less (who if I have to be honest, would be my actual middle-aged man crush, but naw I just really look up to him and subjectively find him attractive even for his age. A low-key badass cool-headed man) and Dr. Lion who laughed with me regarding evidences that I am still waiting for them to snatch from a few lazy/indifferent faculty members.

When I got down, Hercules was here again and said hi to me, as he was speaking with Dianne. But you have to understand that my cubicle is an isolated one (I’m thinking faulty office design) so I impulsively said, “where are you?” and he chuckled at that and his tall frame peered in as I leaned backwards and we waved hellos and laughed.

OH WHY I am too blessed with these people. Had I not jumped the figurative cliff of my fears, I wouldn’t have get to actually know them and be interested in them. It’s not all rainbows and I do fail in social interactions. But these people make it all worth it.

2019-03-01 13:46 Philippines Friday

This is good, this is good.

This is good flow I'm having lately.

But "how do I keep it up"? Psh.

I don't.

I keep changing.

Focus!

2019-03-01 14:14 Philippines Friday

I met Karu and Divad, when I was on my way back from running errands. I was pleased to see them, Karu especially, but he said he won’t be going to the gig tonight, and he won’t even be coming home.

That really made me feel bad. But you know what?

I remembered what I just decided to do. My goal.

Keep changing. That instantly bring me to a clearer focus.

I didn’t ask him why, I just said goodbye.

I am less anxious than before. I didn’t need answers to calm down. The other big thing is that I readily accepted the fact that I did feel bad.

I do crave his company, and I would have loved to hear his new voice in his new flute, but I’m okay with this. I can only wish him well.

I’ve still got so many stories to tell, and I’m rhyming, like, hell!

2019-03-01 14:37 Philippines Friday

Jeri and his little sister whose name I can’t remember gave me extra food! I can’t believe they drink milk for meetings. So cute and healthy!

I initiated the long-time-no-see stuff with them. They’re awesome.

Even though I don’t write about it much in here, I’m more active in talking with people online too! I take the pace properly of course. Burning out would be pointless.

I love my siblings huhu We’re all geeks except for my charismatic yet chill little brother.

2019-03-01 14:57 Philippines Friday

I MIGHT HANG OUT WITH MY BLOOD FAMILY TOMORROW And I mean my complete immediate family

Oh my gosh. Reaching out can do a lot of things.

Also managed to crack a relate-able joke as I said goodbye to Charles, Dianne, and Jeri's sister!

Now to go home. Must not slack off!

Quick Quest: check FullyBooked for good book! Quick Quest: laundry shop and milk and dinner!

2019-03-01 17:14 Philippines Friday

I re-read the Happiness of a Robin, my first ever short story, in intention of proofreading and revising it, but fuck I don't want to change it anymore. (Except for a few grammatical errors.)

I'll release it as soon as I'm good with the errors. 🙂 I also want to accompany it with an illustration, so it might take time before I release it.

I heard from Tita Kris that Pa doesn't want me to come tomorrow at the family movie night. I'm still asking Tita why, but I also told her it's okay. Everyone is disappointed that I can't come.

About Pa's reasons, Tita Kris doesn't know why either. I suppose he still isn't comfortable with the idea of me, since I remind him too much of pain? Well, I'm a fellow attached person so I'd get that feeling. Knowing someone isn't going to stay long with you, you'd rather just push them away in the first place.

It's important that I leave him more time to heal. More importantly, he needs to know that I love him very, very much.

I'm listening to Yutaka Hirasaka's Letter on loop. I feel like I belong in that vibe after reading the short story. Damn. So many feelings. I can't believe I wrote that. It's not the best read objectively, but it's so precious to me.

I hope Karu is alright. He seemed really tired and dead.

People need time. Breathe in, breathe out.

It's important to take time to breathe.

Breath is necessary to sustain life.

2019-03-01 21:18 Philippines Friday

Obviously, Nynaeve was disappointed also. Here's my explanation:

Apparently he's concerned that Tita told you about the possibility without consulting him first. He's afraid that his rejection of my request might enrage you or might disappoint you of him.

He's just kinda emotionally coping still... He doesn't know what to do, I think. It's sad that he had to say to Tita something like "wag mo pakialaman pamilya ko" [don't bother with someone else's family] like she wasn't a part of it.. I'm sure he didn't mean it but fuck that must hurt for her

From Nynaeve:

True... Also like Do I still seem like someone who rages lol Then again he still don't really know me

To Nynaeve:

Hahahahaha

He's worried maybe because he knows we're close. At least he's trying to understand what others might be feeling now XD

2019-03-01 22:48 Philippines Friday

I'm with Karu now. He invited me to come sleep at Theodore's tonight since we miss each other, ans the truth is that he's only avoiding Ira. He plans to leave home for maybe a week.

That's all good.

What I'm faced with right now though, is a group of musicians who want to talk about nothing else about their world soooo I can't find an opportunity to enter the discussion.

They speak of events where I wasn't around, they speak of people and bands that I don't know, and they're all having fun so I guess it's good. Sort of still feels off though.

Have you ever been to a meeting where you don't really know why people invited you there? That's this. I have nothing to contribute. I can only disappear.

I don't feel entirely bad though. I wonder if I should walk around. I wonder if they'd think I was offended. I want to go out because it's sort of noisy here. The kind that is not so amusing.

I could always think to myself. I'm going to zone out!

What I can learn from this is (1) to not copy their example.

As I have said before, a different combination of people automatically means a new set of cultures to merge.

When you have a band that has solid chemistry and a new member comes in, your sound changes.

(1.a) Assuming you allow space for this new member to contribute. Unfortunately, (1.b) the new member cannot force a space or it will be rather counterproductive. From invisible, he becomes an obstacle. None of which resembles a team member that is welcomed.

So that's a new tip. When there's someone new, I want to do my best to make them feel welcome and deliberately leave spaces or opportunities for them to belong to a whole new chemistry.

2019-03-01 23:16 Philippines Friday

For their reference, I shared my thoughts to them after it all as feedback and made it clear that I'm not angry. This is just some comment that might help all of us improve with socializing.

Fortunately, none of them took it as an attack. They rather felt sorry but I told them I didn't want to make them feel at fault, it's just some feedback to help them be a bit more aware of what might be happening in situations like these.

I want to rest now haha

Anyway, I think I need to work on tone setting. They thought I was fully angry (because when I'm serious, I speak in calm monotone and they think it's intimidating).

Mission: Set Tone! Soft notes

2019-03-02 00:16 Philippines Saturday

#chrono7 #social #vocation #psychology #hypocrisy #mission #goal #marriage #anxiety #calm

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