#friend breakups

[belovedhomo]

losing a friend

new year's day - taylor swift // the banshees of insheerin dir. martin mcdonagh // dykeyphantom // it dir. andy muschietti // thanksgiving 2006 - ocean vuong // the frost - mitski // inkskinned // seven - taylor swift // good omens 1x04 dir. douglas mackinnon // it - stephen king // empty chairs at empty tables - les miserables (musical)

#lovers are friends too before u tell me about NYD or GO. #web weaving #friendship #taylor swift #the banshees of inisherin #it 2017 #ocean vuong #mitski #good omens #les mis #heartache #friend breakups

[desultory-suggestions]

I know what you’re experiencing right now feels like the end of the world, and you have every right to feel that way. But I promise you in a blink you will be looking back and it will all feel so very small.

#if this doesn’t feel helpful to you it’s ok to reject the sentiment and move along! I know this isn’t what everyone may need to hear #ed recovery #mental health #suggestions #self love #anxiety #depression #anxiety attack #panic attack #panic disorder #crisis #loss #grief #traumasurvivors #breakups #friend breakups

[inthepoemsandthesands]

linear

i wish healing was linear

so i could point to a date on the calendar and say,

"this is when i will be over you"

so that every time i see you does not feel

like a dagger twisting under my ribs

before i quickly walk away

if healing was linear then i wouldnt still have dreams

dreams where you apologize and come back

we can't be friends again for so many reasons

but my inner subconscious doesn't seem to know that

you turned a month into a wound

how am i supposed to make it through september

past your birthday

when for four years i texted you at midnight

now i cry when you open your mouth

one hour i am fine i tell myself that i am okay

that things are getting better

later i am crying to her because i miss you,

even after everything

i hate you more for that

#poetry #teenage drama #freestyle poetry #original poetry #original poem #poem #spilled thoughts #poets of tumblr #freestyle poem #original poet #spilled ink #friend breakups #he's in my freaking pe class #literally i couldnt forget about him even if i wanted to

[vizthedatum]

The worst part of neurodivergent-neurodivergent relationships is when we can't see eye-to-eye. Does this happen to other people?

Most of my friends have always been neurodivergent - it took me a long time to notice that my friend group ended up being that way time and time again. It has been a source of comfort... but when we can't see eye-to-eye, it feels so miserable.

And due to my trauma, I'll admit that I've been severely disappointed that people couldn't "just see things from my perspective and how dare they hurt me like that" and stuff. I'm trying to work on that - everyone has their own perspective. At this point in my life, I expect people in my life to work on their empathy, emotional regulation, and clear/transparent communication on their own... and then we can talk about how we feel with each other. I wish more people would step back when they feel the need to be aggressive towards someone they love when they feel so strongly about something.

I expect self-awareness and respect from my friendships. Everyone is going through struggles, but I am DONE being abused even if I did something wrong. I can work on repairing or trying to approach things in a different way, but I also expect better communication and respect.

If you have an issue with me, say it to my face AFTER you make the decision NOT to purposefully tear me down emotionally/physically. I need empathetic conflict resolutions - not full-blown abusive fights.

:/

I lost a friend today. It was a mutual decision towards the end - even though she did break up with me first out of anger. I believe it's because of misaligned expectations - and she went into an emotionally abusive tirade against me. I cannot tolerate any more emotional abuse, especially when it's malicious and aggressive. I, of course, get that people get hurt and disappointed... I think that's different. My past self would have blamed myself a lot and fawned. I wish I did things different - I'm sorry let me fix everything - I'm sorry I couldn't read your mind - I'm horrible. But I wasn't horrible. I did the best I could given that situation. I would have been okay if she could express her anger/frustration/grief/etc. about our situation instead of straight-up insulting my transness, my identity, my friends, my ex-spouse, my partner, etc.

This whole year (as is typical for people trying to heal from narcissistic abuse), I've been reevaluating the connections in my life. I've broken up a lot of friendships because I'm really getting in touch with how I feel/felt and if those friendships were mutually beneficial to our health/life/journey. I can love someone, and they can love me... but that doesn't mean that a friendship or relationship will always work.

I'm learning how to interact with people again while:

unmasking and learning how to embrace my own personal autistic traits in a world that does not cater to those traits

integrating the traumatized parts of myself

learning - I am always learning about the world and about myself

coming out as trans and figuring out what that means to me. I feel like I come out every day now.

fucking up majorly. I am not perfect, and I do mess up. I *have* been the asshole in relationships due to a lack of self-awareness and a lot of ignorance and immaturity. My feelings do get in the way. I can take accountability for that.

I am proud of myself. I know I'm protecting myself. I can see how much I've grown. I deserve friendships where people can communicate and set boundaries accordingly. I get that people disappoint each other. I get that my behavior is disappointing sometimes. I accept that not everyone has to get along - and it doesn't have to be ugly if people don't align.

#healing #trauma #neurodivergence #love #queer #harm #self love #heartbreak #prose #relational love #relationships #friendships #disappointment #anger #emotional abuse #friend breakups #i'm far from perfect #identity #repair

[wastedpurity]

had this stunningly realistic dream where my old friend group and i hugged…so poetically somber

i think i just miss the intimacy proximity provides and am still mourning the ending of these friendships

also i was even a dick to one of my said dream friends—did dream them deserve it, a little

#the intimacy of friendship #the fading of friendship #friend breakups #i miss them all so much #but i was just as lonely being their friend #if not lonelier #people should want to check in on you and make plans with you and bask in your embrace #friendship is a well #and two people must work on the bucket #being your friend is a privilege and we all deserve friends who love us as much as we do them #i know such beautiful friendship is to come

[aesthetease]

#friend breakups #friendship #hurts #:(

[centrente]

a comic about love and friendship and the power of communication, inspired by that time i heard ask by the smiths on my run and was somehow moved to tears

(i misheard 'the bomb' as 'the bond' but i stand by it. i don't value morrissey enough to respect his authorial intent)

(sensitive wolf fans smash that mf like button!!!!)

#you don't have to smash it's ok #i drew this to make me feel better about a painful friend breakup/real breakup #it did not work but that was months ago and i'm fine now #god tumblr is the perfect place for this comic.... beautiful #my art #sensitive wolf

[leosdooley]

KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER.

when i grow up i want to be a list of further possibilities, chen chen // the picture of dorian gray, oscar wilde // the worm kings lullaby, richard siken // limer3ence // bleuts, maggie nelson // tonight i can write, pablo neruda // the crucible, arthur miller // when i grow up i want to be a list of further possibilities, chen chen // untitled, margaret schnabel // waiting room, phoebe bridgers

#i recently had a friendship breakup that gutted me #so this is me working through it lol #texts are from him and i #web weaving #parallels #word collage #i’m going insane #words #chen chen #richard siken #pablo neruda #oscar wilde #maggie nelson #arthur miller #the crucible #bluets #the picture of dorian gray #phoebe bridgers #friendship #losing friends #losing someone #friendship breakup #on friendship #on loss

[writingthethoughtsaway]

“I believed you even when I knew you were lying.”

- S. C. C.

#that’s how I loved you #spilled thoughts #writing #spilled words #spilled poetry #spilled think #spilled ink #spilled writing #quote #poem #excerpt from a book i'll never write #loved you #writers on tumblr #writers of tumblr #writer #friend breakup #i miss you #best friend breakup #i miss my friends #i love you #six word poem #six word sentence #true friendship #bad friends #six word story #six word poetry

[eternalduos]

Ik some people are gonna be (understandably) disappointed that Kipperlilly might not get revived, unlike the other Ratgrinders, but TBH? You guys are missing out on the potential for INSANE PARALLELS between Lucy Frostblade & Kipperlilly Copperkettle, and Sam Nightingale & Penelope Everpetal.

It's the: I loved you. You were my best friend. You did something absolutely horrible to me, and you did it in order to do something even worse. My fate was a means to your end, and your fate is an act of justice. You were terrible for me. I loved you. You're never coming back. I miss you. I love you still.

#fantasy high #fhjy #kipperlilly copperkettle #lucy frostblade #sam nightingale #penelope everpetal #LIKE????????? DO YALL SEE THE VISION????? #the moral of all stories set in spyre is that NO AMOUNT OF AGONY AND DESTRUCTION can compare to a girl-best friend breakup #artie's all day talk show

[seiwas]

everytime i think about ex!bakugo, i get so emotional thinking about how he carries on with his day-to-day like the breakup didn’t happen.

he doesn’t even give himself time to mourn the relationship, to process the loss of you. he throws himself into work, practically drowning in it because he can’t bear staying idle.

you’re everywhere, still—

in the picture frames scattered around his home, in the decorative pieces that each hold their own memory. some of the clothes you returned to him smell like you.

when kirishima asks him how he is, he never answers, always redirecting the subject back to work. deku notices longer bouts of silence during joint patrols, and when he pries, bakugo’s only reply is, “s’not a concern.”

it’s unusual, because bakugo is loud and rough, he barks and barks and barks, but with this, he stays quiet.

#i think about ex bakugo so much if i spent the same amount of time thinkin abt him as writing him i would have finished the fic by now #JOSNXKSJXKSKXJDK #you’re still friends bc same circles and work #but because he throws himself so much into work you don’t really see eachother much a few months after the breakup #you worry for him still because you know his tendencies #you know he’ll push this to the side and keep it to himself until it all spills over one day #you find out he’s been staying completely quiet about it when mitsuki texts you and asks when you and katsuki will come for the holidays :( #he doesnt delete your photos HE DOESNT DELETE THEM. i dont think he has the heart to #bakugo x reader #shotorus.bubble #sigh

[mildarka]

Headcanon that these two are incredibly divorced but will immediately team up to start roasting everyone else in the vicinity the second they see each other

#divorced -> friends who only see each other once every hundred years #bonus points for no one knowing they were married #or that they know each other #i wouldnt even say their breakup was messy #it was probably really gradual #Reaper is really chill with the roasting but NM is out for blood #reaper sans #nightmare sans #utmv #dreamtale nightmare #reapermare #past reapermare #my art #first post wooo!! #anyway i love these two and think about them interacting a lot :) #death sans

[seasofjupiterx]

why does no one talk about how friends can break your heart so devastatingly intimately sometimes a million times worse than romantic partners

why does no one talk about friend break ups…

#sad quotes #love #poetry #quotes #relatable #heartbreak #poems #sad poetry #deep qoute #friendship #friend breakup #losing a friend

[vizthedatum]

It all still bothers me, so I am writing about it again.

I keep going between empathic compassion and resentment for a past ex-friend. How do I forgive myself and them?

It doesn't matter now anyway - I don't want them back in my life, and I don't think they would want to be my friend either after I told them all the ways I felt disrespected by them, criticized their primary partnership (I think I'm really not okay with some of the things I've heard and witnessed), criticized how they treat their friends, and other judgemental remarks. Yeah I was very upset.

I think I felt really unheard in that friendship (and we dated for a brief period of time - right around the time of my breakup with my ex-spouse - what a whirlwind).

I infodumped on them a lot - I really wanted to trust them. We were both neurodivergent and I thought they liked to talk? They didn't tell me their boundaries with the quantity of information sharing until I started bringing up stuff that I felt hurt by towards the end of the friendship - it just sucks because they told me that they loved paragraph texting before we began to do that with each other.

The friendship was full of contradictions.

And I honestly think they didn't understand me, which doesn't mean they were a bad person.

I just thought I could trust them? But our perceptions of things were so different, and I don't think I can really forgive them for not taking me as seriously as they should have when I separated from my ex-spouse. We were dating, I filed a PFA, and they stayed social media friends with my ex (who they weren't close to at all!) until my ex started talking about taking a trip (then my ex-friend realized my ex was full of bullshit about covid precautions and stuff). To be honest? They put me at legal risk - and it felt like an emotional betrayal.

--

This is edited for privacy, but last summer, I wrote down reasons why I felt emotionally uncomfortable continuing with the friendship, regardless of their intentions (which I think were maybe neglectful and not malicious? my other friend thinks it was more purposeful): (

This is phrased as a letter to them - a letter I didn't send; I just chose to try to converse with them, and then I chose not to meet up to talk about it all and ended the friendship.

I also acknowledge that a lot of this was written during a summer when I was going through a very serious healing phase, the finalization of my divorce, the almost death of one of my friends, etc.

Before I ended the friendship, they did provide their perspectives but it didn't really change how hurt I felt, nor did I understand if they wanted me in their life or not - I didn't feel like I was valued or understood.

) --

Dear [Name of ex-friend],

I value our friendship and want to maintain it. I’ve been gaining more clarity, especially after moving apartments. I love talking to you, but I think I talk to you too much.

I acknowledge that I emotionally dump on you a lot. You have supported me a lot. You validate me, and you’re there for me. I love being your friend. Thank you for hanging out with me and coming to my bday party and all of it. Seriously.

But I think I’m “too much” for you.

In my gut, I do not feel emotionally safe with you anymore, and I need to listen to myself. Even if I’m wrong. This is so hard for me.

There are a lot of things that I kind of swept under the rug while we were casually dating and/or just talking. I think you’re beautiful and extremely attractive, but it was very hard for me to be sexual with you or motivated to perform. I felt like I didn’t truly have an inkling of what you wanted, you were very stoned/dissociated, and it puzzled me to dom you. I have a lot of kink experience in both good and not-so-good relationships, but I truly did not feel desired (at least to my standard). It hurt me, and I felt rejected. Sexual emptiness makes a huge dent in my mind, and I’m not going to delude myself into the fake resilience of saying it doesn’t. I can get over it with time, but I should not have been sexual with you. I fuck to have fun (but more to connect) but also I need people to be real with me or the sex isn’t fun.

I also cannot get over the following observations:

On our last date, you visibly and audibly sneered (and told me something like “there’s a lot I don’t know about you”) when I told you about a recovered memory of a rape that happened when I was young. I don’t know if you remember it differently, but that type of response was highly inappropriate. (I only brought it up because we were talking about the context of the trauma I just experienced and because we were talking about mutual memory recovery processes with our respective trauma)

You act wildly different online than in person (and then even differently in groups). I chalk it up to anxiety, trauma, and autism - but I think you're masking your discomfort. I cannot trust you to tell me how you actually feel.

You were at least Instagram friends with [ex-spouse] until they mentioned something about going to LA - which means you didn't unfriend them when I told you and everyone else it was domestic violence. And… you and I were fucking dating so what the actual fuck.

You freaked out far more than anyone else did when you read my PFA statement. I wish you had set a boundary with me instead of trying to help me.

You agreed to go with me to one of my medical appointments, but it was so clear that you were uncomfortable with it. The only way I got you to admit that you didn't want to go was when I started telling you what my procedure entailed - I saw you go pale (which I knew you would) and retract your offer (which you shouldn't have even offered). It was so rude.

I think it got weird btwn [name of frustrating person for other reasons], you, and me. You choose to be in that relationship despite both of y'all's attachment issues (I admit that I also have toxic attachment issues). You are frequently not fulfilled by their lack of reciprocity. I was never jealous. It is so confusing. You are one of the only people I can talk to about them… and despite you saying that you don't divulge my thoughts/processing about them (of which there are a lot) to them - I think you have. I do not believe you.

[My other ex] laughed in my face when I told them something I wanted to do with you, and while they're too chicken-shit to explain themselves, I think I know why now.

You accepted the end of our sexual relationship way too easily. It is one thing to accept my new boundaries (which, yeah, you should) - but we didn't actually talk about any of the stuff that came up. AND you didn't really apologize for your behavior. I was going through shit, and I had to emotionally take care of you. I wish you had just left or not come at all if you couldn’t deal. I also felt like you made me out to be sexually pushy - and I was trying my utmost best not to be sexual because I saw how uncomfortable you were. I honestly wanted to pause the movie and kick you out of the apartment. Our last date was so fucked up that I couldn't sleep and cried the whole night after. All my partners do not treat me like that - they can either put up a boundary or understand how I’m feeling… and realize that my trauma does not define who I am.

This is on me, but I honestly went on sexual abstinence in December because I felt like you would judge me if I didn’t. My psychiatrist said I didn’t have to - and it was really messing with me. I felt like you didn’t want to have sex with me because of my trauma which is really hypocritical but fine. Valid. But also I feared your emotional energy if I told you I was sexual with other people. Even when I sent you sexy pictures, I felt like you wrote it off. The way you approach sexuality brings up my inner slut-shaming triggers. Sigh.

You got triggered when I crashed at your place after I left my ex, and then you couldn't let me stay there even though you had the room. It is valid to do what you did - but we were dating, you told me that night that I put you into sub-space while we were making out which I didn't intend to do (and I think you only told me that because you were personally uncomfortable with my situation), you knew that I was desperate, I felt like you wrote me off as too traumatized to help/be intimate with/be around/idk (just tell me!), you were scared to help, you didn't actually help… you didn't support me (other than emotionally supporting me through messaging - which I don't actually know if you want to do). And many of my other friends did. I could be real with them, and they didn’t view me differently.

You (along with [other ex-partner]) did not contribute one cent to my gofundme - and you financially could have. While I can manage - I seriously needed the support at that time. I would have paid you back.

It feels like you judge me when I tell you about my sexual partners and exploits - and I can tell. Please tell me I'm wrong. I really want you to tell me and prove I'm wrong.

I feel judged in general. I really do. I feel like you mock me for how I am, and I don’t know exactly why I feel this way, but I do.

My new boundaries:

No touching or hugging at all.

You cannot come into my home until I say so.

We can hang but outside of our homes - I do genuinely want to hang out with you.

No spellwork that involves me at all - not even a cord cutting. I do not trust your energy.

Lets not talk about our partners or sexual dalliances anymore (apart from: “I’m busy with so and so”).

I cannot talk about [frustrating person's name who probably didn't understand that they were talking to two autistic traumatized people] with you anymore - it is putting me back. I am not jealous of what both of you have - and I really hope it fulfills you both. I deserve more than what they can offer, and I also feel like you don’t really emotionally grasp how hard all of it was for me. It was fun and fantasy, yes, but it was also meaningful emotionally for me (despite their lack of reciprocity and my toxic chasing attitude).

We can text and emotionally support each other about our lives but I will not text back during work hours (roughly 7-5 during wknds) or when I have partner-time unless it’s an emergency.

What are your thoughts? What are your boundaries?

Sincerely, [My name]

#actually audhd #neurodivergent conversations #being hurt in a past friendship #not knowing why #polyamory #trying to understand dissociation #traumatized people #friend breakups #processing a breakup #healing #neurodivergence #trauma #prose #heartbreak #queer #trans

[chaosmagicwanda]

No matter how good you could be to somebody, no matter how much you love them, they can and will turn their backs on you.

#sad post #sad posting #sad thoughts #betrayal #fake friends #fake people #toxic friends #toxic friendship #toxic people #toxic behavior #grieving a friendship #friendship breakup #friendship loss #breakup #losing a friend #grief #heartbroken #heartbreak

[seaquestions]

experience roots hockey (id in alt)

#furry #furry art #anthro #niksartstuffs #ocs #furry hockey league #<- new tag for this project #so here's some guys frm the rival team. man this codependent besties thing is.. whew. their friend-breakup is gonna be SO intense. hehe #oh right their names. well you know conor. bull terrier is julien lapointe & reindeer is niklas lindberg 👍 #im trying to give my cast like. hockey-ass names...... yknow what i mean. i dont know what i mean.