nightowlerblog

[nightowlerblog]

Every element of my life is made of her, I would cease to exist if I do not keep her alive in memories, I believe every element of her is made of me too. But they say we are not meant for each other, that we are best apart. How can the only thing that keeps me alive be assumed to kill me? How can someone who loves me so dearly be my enemy? I write to you to let you know: I am not your enemy. You are not my enemy. You are all the reasons I believe in love and I will love you forever, till our time together and till my time ends. When our time ends, I will write our story in art. Our forever is timeless.

You, for me, are a timeless dream.

Tears put on paper for him

[nightowlerblog]

why must I live in a world where no man will ever love me to the point that his honor is hanging by a thread that grows more precarious with every moment he spends in my presence.

How am I suppose to live with the fact that I will never be the bane of someone’s existence and the object of all their desires??!

[nightowlerblog]

THE CAT

I had found my reason. I was content and happy. The sleepless nights vanished and turned into happy thoughts. However, my new found happiness didn't last long. Three months into it the scene changed. I fell down the rabbit hole into the box.

One second I had everything and the very next second I lost it all. It was all dark and uncertain. I couldn't make any sense of anything. The world moved on as if nothing had happened. I saw it all through the peep hole unable to get out of the box. This paradoxical situation of mine made me loose the sense to distinguish between reality and fantasy.

Suddenly there was a movement. The lid of the box was opening. Was it good? Maybe not. How could I be optimistic ? My optimism had been snatched away from me. Fear stricken I sat in the corner, waiting for the box to open and the nature to bestow it's fate upon me.

With a shake the box lay open. The light from outside blinding me. I saw my end coming closer. With lost hope I lay still to let nature do it's job. However, death was not meant for me. There came a helping hand and took the cat out of the box. The cat was alive. The cat was saved.

What about the contentment and happy thoughts? Well you need to take a step back to leap forward. The cat hasn't stepped back. The cat will never step back. She is just preparing to leap forward.

[nightowlerblog]

FOUND IT

It was late night. A sleepless night. I lay on my bed with a thoughtless mind full of thoughts. Turning to the other side every minute in the hope of finding a position comfortable enough to fall asleep. Unable to withstand the boredom my mind went wandering to the same old memories. Memories of me being a neglected, memories of me being a disappointment, and all the the other memories which would choke me up. 

If only I knew that the source of these very memories will later turn out to be the source for my peace and happiness. One has has often heard, read, and even talked about how everything happens for a reason. But when in the moment its difficult sometimes impossible to interpret the reason behind it. Nonetheless the moment comes, sooner for some later for other but it comes. In that moment it feels as if the pieces of jigsaw are fitting together, as if the encrypted code has suddenly been decoded, as if life has found a new meaning. 

After the sleepless night I woke up the next day with absolutely no hope of a change. The only thing I hoped was to survive the day. The morning was as usual. I woke up late for my class. Half asleep I grabbed my phone and my laptop and sat on the study table. Yes, online classes! Anyways, absent mindedly I logged into my class and went through my phone to amuse myself. If only I knew that something awaited me. Something without which I can’t even imagine a day.

A simple text it was. Two words. That’s it!

#serendipity #reason #My writing #writing #Writeups #young writer #writersofindia #writeblr #writers #young adult #romantic academia #love exists #magicrealism #life is strange #life #things happen #it all makes sense now #beauty #wonder

[nightowlerblog]

what do you think dark academia could look like in Asia, both visually and academically? also, here's a bad pick up line: are you rice? cos you get me up in the morning

Firstly, bad pickup lines are literally my thing so thankyou.

so I can only really speak to south Asia but i hope there something in there for everyone. 

sliced fruits and tea while you study

takings rikshaws to class

bleached white uniforms and polished shoes

studying on the roof on a sunny day listening to the street noises

street food with friends

fountain pens and perfect handwriting

late nights studying without coffee

studying through repetition and reading

teachers who point with their middle finger

full bookshelves of textbooks and class readings full annotated

hanging out with local stray cats

[nightowlerblog]

The Dust of Snow by Robert Frost

The way a crow

Shook down on me

The dust of snow

From a hemlock tree

Has given my heart

A change of mood

And saved some part

Of a day I had rued

Short and simple but with a deep meaning 🥰

Alright tell me in the tags, what’s Your Poem? That poem you heard once and it has dwelt within you ever since?

#poetry #there are many but those live somewhere in me #robert frost #i love this

[nightowlerblog]

some food for thought

all i see is

archonic culture parroting falsehoods

of these interdimensional vultures

crawling out of our folklore

Joker trumps all

because it’s a clown world

if you haven’t sold your soul

don’t feel bad you’re alone

scared? isolated? whole year we

repeat the mantra “i can’t breathe”

as we astrologically phased into the

age of aquarias – age of AIR and

you can’t breathe

the planets are in an extremely rare

alignment, they want that powerful

divine energy to themselves to play

god with and for you they want the

great reset, you’ll own nothing –

have no privacy, and you’ll be happy.

everyone is on the sidelines cheering

their own enslavement blind eye to

the CCP infiltrating lackey fascists

[nightowlerblog]

100 good questions to ask your friends at 4:02 am when you can’t sleep (can also function as an asks list)

Are you bothered by your cosmic insignificance?

Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known?

Do you really think there is somebody for everybody?

Do you place any value in gender roles?

Do you have to be related to be family?

Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones?

Are you in love? Do you want to be?

Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, etc.) or is it just one general sensation?

Would you be happy with a life without romance? 

Are you always going to be a little in love with somebody?

Would you change your appearance if you could?

Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.?

Do you believe in reincarnation?

Would you want to be reincarnated?

Do you think you’re special, or just another person amongst billions? Can you be both?

Do theoretical ethical debates have any value? Is it important people discuss ethical dilemmas, e.g. the trolley problem?

Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them?

Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’?

If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why?

Do you want a grand adventure?

Do you have somebody, whether it be a friend or stranger, who you think you could have loved if the circumstances were different?

How long does it take you to fall in love with somebody?Is the sensation of ‘falling in love’ or ‘being in love’ better?

Is love about convenience or something more? Can it be about both?

Do you think you really understand your gender and sexuality?

How fluid is your concept of gender and sexuality?

What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far?

Are you afraid of growing old?

Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century?

Do you believe in some form of god/s?

Are your choices fated or of your own free will?

Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die?

Do you believe in star signs?

How old do you have to be to be considered an adult?

Was your childhood happy?

What are you missing from your life?

Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along?

Do opposites attract?

Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago?

Do you know what you want out of life?

What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’?

What fundamentally matters do you?

Is freewill an illusion?

Do you create art? How do you define art?

How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful?

Do you want to be remembered after your death? What for?

Is true world peace ever possible?

Do you have to suffer to truly understand the human condition? What is the human condition? How can you really experience it?

Are you free? Will you ever be? Can anyone be truly free?

Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others?

What do you expect from a friend or partner?

What question could you ask to find out the most about a person?

Do you justify all your beliefs or have you just inherited/absorbed some?

Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong?

Can human really understand the complete nature of the universe, space and time?

Is a conscious what makes someone a person?

What do you think about artificial intelligence?

Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing?

Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity?

What do you think the next era of music will be like?

What do you think the next era of fashion will be like?

Do we live in tumultuous times, or do they just seem so strange because we’re living in them?

Would you want to meet a clone of yourself? Would you like them?

How confident are you, really?

How consistent is your perception of time?

What age should people be allowed to vote? Should children and teenagers be allowed to vote?

How do you feel about the idea ‘an eye for an eye’?

What’s the worse thing a person can be?

How do you feel about monogamy?

Can you be in love with someone and still fall in love with someone else?

What’s the tragedy of your life?

Would your life make a good play?

Should people be prosecuted for crimes that weren’t considered crimes at the time?

Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation?

Do you believe in gender equality in every aspect?

Do we have a moral obligation to care for others? To what extent?

Do you crave approval and/or praise?

Is there comedy in all tragedy and tragedy in all comedy?

Are you ever going to be satisfied?

When you are sad, do you listen to music that conveys your emotions or music that makes you happy?

Is your music organised by mood or sensation or do you just listen to everything at any time?

Would you marry a friend if they needed you to (e.g. for citizenship)?

Are you a deep person?

Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it?

Are you who people think you are?

Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion?

What’s your toxic trait? Are you trying to improve yourself and fix it?

Do you anger easily?

Are you a jealous person?

If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality?

Given the chance to reset your life (with none of the knowledge you currently have), would you take it?

Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate?

Do you speak multiple languages? Which do you dream in? What language would you want to learn?

Do you draw meaning from your dreams, or do you disregard them?

How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately?

Is unrequited love real love?

Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you?

Are you overly analytical?

Do you ever feel that you are really a terrible person, and only act good out of societal or some other obligation?

Do you believe in magic? Are you superstitious?

What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in?

[nightowlerblog]

THE MIRROR

FACING IT

I saw many people on my way to the class. They were relaxed , talking to each other , having fun as if nothing had happened. Well, maybe nothing had happened to them yet. A few of my peers looked at me and smiled , some also wished me good morning. All the while I couldn’t help but feel anxious. All these people looking at me talking to me as if I was one of them. It felt really weird. With Georgie its different. She is supposed to me my bestie after all. Although to be frank I wonder why. But these people are my nothing. They don’t even know me. Yet they were behaving this way.

Our English class didn’t take place as scheduled. The teacher had taken an off without informing the school. As a result our whole class was sent to the ground. It doesn’t really take much to make people happy. Just knowing that there’s no class and we are going to the ground made them happy. Strange creatures they are I admitted for the millionth time. I was walking alone when thus group of my so called friends called me. They were bitching about our English teacher. I mean it was a truth universally acknowledged that no one liked her. “ I wish she never comes back”, said someone and everyone instantly agreed.

I started feeling uneasy. Maybe that was visible on my face. Everyone asked me what happened. But that uneasiness made it impossible for me to speak. I waved them off went to a corner and puked. That was unexpected. Soon everyone gathered around me and took me the medical room. The nurse asked me what I ate yesterday. Before answering i puked yet again. After some time I answered that I didn’t have dinner last night. So apparently  everyone thought that it was the reason I puked. What do they even know about me to comment on it I thought. How could a stranger just conclude that I puked because I didn’t have dinner.

The news spread like wildfire that “RAVEN SMITH HAD PUKED IN THE SCHOOL GROUND”.  This was so irritating! What does everyone have to do with my puking schedule. Georgie met me in the school canteen during the lunch break. She was really concerned about me. She asked more questions than there are stars in the sky. I wonder why she was like that. Why did she care for me? What incentive did she have? She doesn’t even know the whole me. I don’t know why but these things irritated me. Okay, you maybe caring for me but sorry guys I don’t want it. Another thing I hate is being in news. Why did everyone know that I puked?! I don’t keep a track of what these people do than why do they? This was indeed a very bad day.

The next day when I woke up I had to follow the same routine. Go into the bathroom without looking into the mirror. I can’t forever keep thinking about the face in the mirror. Listen to my mother ramble. Board the bus and wait for Georgie. “ Why didn’t you answer my calls!” , was the first thing she said. What calls I thought but I couldn’t say that so I just remained silent instead. “ Oh my god don’t tell me you don’t even know that I called you. Why do you do this? I mean every time! Don’t you think you should invest some time in your friendship?”

Ugh this was a new problem now. People thing that relations can only be maintained with constant intimacy and conversations. I find those things to be overwhelming. I can’t live that way. Now Georgie had also started this. So what if I didn’t feel like talking to her. So what if I never feel like talking to her. I mean I don’t feel like talking to anybody as a matter of fact. Its nothing that i have against her. She doesn’t understand this. I thought that this was the time to end this for once and  for all.

“You know what I don’t really consider you to be my friend. I don’t really want a friend like you. I am sorry but I can’t afford to waste my time on silly friendships. I just talk to you because you are a nice person and because i don’t really have anything else to do while on bus. That is the only reason why we talk. I know i haven’t been a good  friend to you so lets do one thing. Lets just end our so called friendship here. This is overbearing and I can’t do it anymore. If i hurt you while saying this I am sorry.”

“Fine then it is what it is. You don’t want a friend like me right. Okay, I won’t be your friend from now on. Just remember one thing, you are going to regret this. That's all bye.” That's what she said and sat on a different seat. She was breathing heavily, maybe she was angry. I guess what I said hurt her. But what was i supposed to do. I did what was right for the both of us. How could I explain that to her. I am not just another random person like her. She doesn’t understand that.

She got off the bus without looking at me. I smiled to myself at her childish behavior. She was a good person. That is the reason I didn’t want her to be my friend.  I am just a wreck what will she do with a friend like me. I was relieved that this shit was finally over. I wish I could just finish all my relations this way. So this is what I am going to do from now on I decided. I will just break off every relation I have with anyone. This way we will all be happy. To add to this no one will ever know whether I puked in the school ground. I will never be in news. Others will never know about me. I won’t have to pretend to listen to conversations  anymore.  This was a win win situation for me!

#writing #writers #Writeups #young writer #writeaway #excerpt from a book i'll never write #writeblr #dark fantasy #dark #dark academia #teenager #teen quotes #my story #my thoughts #my thinking #my writing #my stuff #school #friends #problems

[nightowlerblog]

#john green #young adult #bookaddict #bookstagram #booksbooksbooks #books & libraries #booklr #book quotes #bookblr #books #booknerd #young adults #turtles all the way down #tfios #paper towns #an abundance of katherines #will grayson will grayson

[nightowlerblog]

An exerpt from ' Tuesdays with Morrie'

#books & libraries #booksbooksbooks #bookstagram #bookaddict #bookblr #love quotes #loveislove #teachings #teachenglish #classic academia #romantic academia #academia aesthetic

[nightowlerblog]

THE MIRROR

THE NEXT DAY

I went into the bathroom as soon as I woke up. I couldn’t recognize the face in the mirror. It wasn’t the same face I saw yesterday.  Over the years it has changed a lot. I thought maybe going through the memory lane might help me in knowing it. I really didn’t want to do this. I had done this plenty of times earlier. But I had to do this. The face in the mirror had to be recognized to prevent oblivion in future. I tried to stop myself but I couldn’t. I was not in my control. The author of my life took me on the journey of my own past yet again.

The first stop was the day when I first realized life wasn’t always happy and fun. It was late night and the four year old me was thirsty. Drowsily I sat on my bed. The light of the other room was on. I could hear noises faint at first till I came into my senses and could hear them clearly. The pitch was constantly rising. Just as I was about to get up I heard a loud bang. Fear made me conscious and I slowly peeked into that room. The chair lay broken on the floor. As my eyes went up I saw my mother kneeling on the floor her eyes moist and my father by the window facing his back towards me. The four year old forgot about her thirst and went to sleep.

Another scene popped up in my head again out of my control. The six year old me had a throbbing headache that day. I in the hope of getting it cured went to my mother. “You call that headache? Do you think only you have headache? Do you even know what headache is?", she said. The bewildered little girl replied," I thought maybe you could help me.” “I have been trying to help myself for years.", said her mother. The girl ignored her headache and went to the park.

Someone knocked the door. I realized I had pondered enough on the face in the mirror. I opened the door of the bathroom to find my angry mother telling me it was late for school. I dressed up and combed my hair all the while trying not to look at the face in the mirror. On the way to do the bus stop I saw a tree full of flowers. It seemed funny how life worked. I picked up the yellow flower laying on the ground. The bus arrived and unknowingly I threw the flower and ran towards the bus. On sitting I realized that I had dropped the flower. Just another typical thing life does to you I thought. My mind wandered off to that face in the mirror yet again. Carried away by my thoughts the helpless me started pondering on the face in the mirror.

It was my thirteenth birthday. I was very happy to finally turn into a ‘teenager’. It felt as if a new life awaited in front of me. I woke up early that day. I went into the garden to celebrate my new life.  The lush green trees, the fresh air, the just blossomed flowers everything was wonderful. The sky was clear and I could see a few rays of sunlight. Overwhelmed by the beauty I went to my parents’ room. The door was closed as usual. Before going in I heard their conversation. They were talking about how they will face more difficulty raising me now since I had turned into a teenager.  They talked about the hardships they faced while raising me all this while. Thinking all this is just a dream i went to bed again. When I woke up they scolded me on how I always woke up late. From that day onwards I never woke up early except if it was necessary.

“Hey there”, said a sweet little voice. I turned my head involuntarily to find my so called best friend. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t realize when we reached her stop. “Hey”, I said back almost involuntarily yet again. “ OMG you don’t wanna know what happened yesterday.”, she started her daily ritual of updating me with the events of her life. I as usual had to listen to it with occasional comments of oh and really. She began her tale of the crush she always had and how they started talking and she suspects he actually likes her. Maybe that’s normal I thought to myself. I myself had never experienced any such thing. Everyone around me did. I never understood were they strange or was I. “ So that was it.”, she concluded. “ What do you think? What should I do?”. I hated this part. How was I supposed to tell her what she had to do with her life when I couldn’t understand what to do with my own life. But that’s not what you say. “ I think you should wait for more signals from him. Don’t be desperate and play it hard remember.”, I winked and said. Yes that worked. She hugged me god knows why. I literally said the same things every time. Almost like I had memorized our conversation.

“You don’t talk much.” said she. What was I supposed to tell her. I didn’t have any crushes or boyfriends or ex to tell her about. Nor did i know much people to gossip about. In fact I never knew about anyone except for this girl , Georgie my bestie. I wondered how it would be if I told her everything just the way she did. Maybe she didn’t tell me EVERYTHING but at least I thought so. Whatever it was I could certainly not tell her that I had been thinking about my own face since morning. How could I tell her that I didn’t recognize the face in the mirror. Yes it was me, yes on the outside everything was same. So how was I supposed to tell her what exactly I thought was different. Leave her, was there anyone in the whole world to whom I could tell this. No, no one. But another question arrived now. I possibly couldn’t tell her that I can’t tell you anything because I just can’t or because you simply won’t understand. “Yeah nothing really happened everything is pretty much the same. Went to that burger joint yesterday where they have that cute cashier.”, that’s what you say. “Oh someone thinks the cashier is cute huh. I mean yeah he’s surely cute. You know my friend Cami right, she knows him.”,  Georgie continued the conversation that was supposed to stop right there. “Cool you can tell her to introduce me to him sometime”, i said and winked hoping to end the conversation. Much to my relief we reached school. “See you during the lunch break!”, said she and hurried out of the bus.

Strange creatures they are I thought, humans. Sometimes I almost behaved like them. Yes it was good. Just being human instead of this complex wrecked piece of shit I thought. But then, I wasn’t being this on purpose. Or was I? No I mean name a person who would spend hours pondering on why they were the way they were. I mean NORMAL people don’t do that, do they? Well normal people also don’t do the other things I have done. I bet they haven’t seen half of the things I have. So it was justified for me to be the way I was. Was it? Ugh I didn’t want to do this again. Once I start doing it I can’t stop. Forcefully I diverted my thoughts and focused on getting off the bus and going to my class.  

#dark #dark fantasy #writers #writing #writblr #writeaway #fiction #young writer #teenager #justscribbledwords #excerpt from a book i'll never write #writeups #new at this #likeforfollow #likeforme #like for reblog #likeback #likeit #likeforshare #likeforlike