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shitty-late-night-writing · 3 months

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If I were important to you, you would have looked for solutions and not a way out.

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shitty-late-night-writing · 3 months

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That’s so main character behaviour!

Yah… that’s so funny!!

Except it’s not.

Not when you know the truth.

You’re not the main character.

You’ll never will be.

I know the truth.

I know what I am.

I think about it everyday while my friends and family all hang out and forget about me.

I’m not the main character in anyone’s story.

I’m not even the main character in my own life.

Im just the unnamed side character #3, who will die to further the plot in a quick easy way.

Then promptly forgotten about in a few episodes.

That’s all I am and I know it.

I accept it.

I’m ready.

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shitty-late-night-writing · 5 months

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Stay out of my shit

I Show you something I love and you hate it.

You tell me how horrible it is.

You tell me it’s stupid.

You tell me that my favourite show is dumb.

You tell me that my favourite character is so fucking ugly.

You so easily tell me all this shit,

But you never tell it to anyone else.

Someone will bring up the same show,

The same character

And you treat them differently.

You praise them for being oh so different!

You say “oh I don’t like that stuff but it’s cool if you want to like it!”

But then you turn right back around to me.

Where you belittle anything I love.

You fucking changed me.

You changed me and it wasn’t for the better.

I can’t enjoy shit anymore.

I have your goddamn voice text b my head.

Telling me all these things.

Telling me no one likes my stupid things.

I can’t just be happy anymore.

I just have to be fucking nervous about everything now.

But that’s not the worst part,

The worst point is them.

You will bring up a thing that I loved and you told me was stupid.

You told me no one would like it,

And the friend group praises you for it.

They fall in love with it like I used too be in love with it.

I can’t even tell them the truth as well.

After all who would believe me.

My heart tells me to share the things I love but I just can’t.

I can’t share it because I believe what you said.

I don’t believe that anyone would care about my stupid little special interests.

Just like you never fucking cared.

So you know what? Fuck you.

Fuck you telling me that I have shit taste.

You shipped fucking Winchest.

You said that metal family was stupid but go and tell the group about this cool show.

So, yah, I’m so fucking sorry I don’t care about your shit anymore.

#just a bit sad #personal rant #vent post #i think im losing it #mentally fucked #mentally tired #sad poem #milo #poem ish #rant post #fucking pissed #hate that fucker #shitty writing #poem #he said this shit #mention of winchest

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shitty-late-night-writing · 6 months

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Love poems just hurt differently when you know that one is still in love and the other isn’t.

#just a bit sad #sad poem #book annotations #poetry #poetry annotations #love poem #this man has ruined me #this man has my whole heart #I’ve read this so many times and it still hurts #god it hurts

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shitty-late-night-writing · 7 months

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I’m sorry

I hope you are happy.

You’ve taken the one thing away,

The one thing that I never knew you could.

You took away my love of affection.

Do you not remember?

We used to lazy around,

Used to lay next to each other,

Not doing anything but being near,

Just simply enjoying the others presence.

But you ruined that.

You treated me differently after she appeared.

You used my affection against me.

You saw that I also cared about her.

You forget she was my friend too

You saw that and hated it.

You hated attention that wasn’t about you.

So you did what you knew would hurt.

You took my past and used it against me.

I told you about him.

Someone that had hurt me,

And you used that.

You lied about the situation.

You told everyone that would listen.

You told them that I purposely hurt people.

That I touch them.

That I used them.

So that you for that.

Because as I’m laying in bed at a sleepover, laying next to my new friend.

Im scared.

I’m scared that she will believe you.

I’m scared that you are right. (Even though I know you’re not)

But I can’t get that little doubt out.

I cant get it out because you put it there,

Because I still care about you.

Even if you and her aren’t together,

I still want you to be happy.

I still care even as you continue to spread lies.

I still care and I’m sorry.

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shitty-late-night-writing · 7 months

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Fuck! I don't want to admit that you're the reason I cry at night.

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shitty-late-night-writing · 7 months

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Villains

You know I always hated having favourite characters.

I hated relating to them.

I hated that I loved them.

I hated that they were always the bad guys.

I hated them because you hated them.

I saw myself in them and I hated that.

The way they tried to love but were just hurt in the end.

The way they hid themselves and lied.

They were just scared broken child.

No one loved them.

But I did…

I loved them with all my heart.

I loved them until I didn’t.

I cared until you made me stop.

You came along and pointed out how horrible they were.

How no matter what they did no one would love them.

The villains will always be unloved.

That’s what you told me and I believed you.

I didn’t see the truth then.

The truth about what you were saying

It’s me…

I was the villain in your story.

I was the unloved no one.

You took something away I never thought was possible.

I’m waiting now for someone to look at me the way I used to look at my favourite characters.

Broken, scared characters trying to hid their need for love.

I’ll wait here with the other villains.

Waiting and watching

Watching as everyone chooses the dazzling hero

Or the funny side character

But never the villains

No one can love them.

Just like you could never love me.

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shitty-late-night-writing · 9 months

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My little fish

I’m sorry that my tank wasn’t good enough for you.

But I tried

I made sure to try and get those fish flakes that you liked every time. Just because I knew how happy it made you.

I made sure that the temperature was just right for you so that you wouldn’t be too uncomfortable.

Or so I thought…

I thought that my filtration system was working perfectly.

I mean it was working just fine for the other fish in the tank and I thought it was working for you as well.

I thought that I was doing enough for you. I thought I was enough for you.

I tried so hard to do everything I could to keep you happy.

Even if it meant that I wasn’t.

Because who would care for some stupid fish owner who couldn’t even keep one small fish happy. How I wish I could have.

I guess my filter couldn’t keep up with the toxic waste you left behind.

The waste that you blamed on me before you left my tank to do the same to another.

I guess I deserved it for not seeing it sooner. But how could I look at something so small and think it would hurt me like this.

I should have seen it when it started to affect the other fish in the tank.

When it was affecting me.

How I wish I could have kept you happy enough.

…

Then again it would have been a lot easier if you were a fish.

A fish wouldn’t have spread rumours.

A fish wouldn’t have taken their owners only love language and twisted it into something that gave them panic attacks.

No. A fish would have better communication skills than you. If I had a fish it wouldn’t stab me in the back and lie about me like you did.

So yah my filtration system was enough.

I was enough.

How I wish you were really a fish.

But that will only ever be your code name.

So dear fish, I hope you know you ruined hugs for me because now every time I get one I think of you and get worried that I am hurting someone. That I am crossing a boundary even if they said I could because that’s what you told all the other fishes that I purposely did. And now I can’t trust anyone because you said that I was enough and lied.

Goodbye my dear fish and good luck with that new tank because how I hear is that the other fish see you for what you are. I just hope the tank owner does before they get hurt.

Goodbye

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shitty-late-night-writing · 1 year

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What hurts the most about reading is the small things.

Reading two characters being about to simply hold each other and cuddle.

Then it hits you

You don’t remember the last time someone hugged you. The last time someone simple held you and gave you a small amount of affection.

It hurts

It’s hurts that these fake characters are loved more than you are.

#delete later #i think im losing it #late night #sorry bout that #im sorry #sadcore #sads crap #i'm sad #sad thoughts #sad boi hours #fake characters #sorry for being depressing #mentally tired

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shitty-late-night-writing · 1 year

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She

I hope that She looks at me,

She smells like lemongrass and tea,

She bought me those jeans,

She’s a Forrest fire,

She’s the one who gets it all.

She’s the one

She

She gets so many loves poems,

However many songs,

She gets all the attention,

Well this isn’t any of those

Me?

I hate her.

She is who my mother wishes I acted like,

She is who my mother shows me pictures of,

Who my mother will go one about how beautiful She is.

While my own mother never calls me handsome.

She’s the one whose perfect grades are always getting compared to my own.

Me

Who is barely holding on.

She is the one who my mother posts about online,

Who my father praises for doing chores,

Who does simple tasks,

Who does those tasks without a single breakdown.

Unlike me.

I hate what She has taken from me.

I hate that She was born first.

I hate her.

Even if I almost never see her.

I hate her.

She will always be here and I hate that.

That hate will always be there.

It is always there,

It’s there because I know that my family prefers her over me,

So I go out of my way to avoid her.

I do things that She would scream at me for.

Just to make sure I never see her again.

So I cut of all my hair.

I dye it an obnoxious colour.

I stop looking in the mirror,

That way She can’t judge me,

So She can’t look at me in disgust like She always does,

I wear all the clothes She would hate,

I stop looking down at the body,

The body that belongs to her.

The body that She deserves more than me.

I blame her for all my problems,

But maybe it’s not her,

Maybe it’s me,

Maybe I’m the problem,

I’m the one trying to kill her,

I’m the one that threw her life away.

She was doing perfect before I showed up.

Maybe I should have let her live.

Or maybe I should have…

If I would have done it to myself instead.

Maybe She would be happy.

Maybe I am the monster they say I am.

Taking little girls,

Turning them into monsters,

But then again maybe not,

Maybe She was the monster.

Just a monster that was more loved than I.

A soft perfect monster,

She will always be chosen over me,

A monster in the wrong body.

She

Sh

S

H

He

HE!!!!!

#poem #poem ish #word vomit #it’s about being trans #transmasc #i think im losing it #i’m fine though #it is what it is #she #my poem #thank you for coming to my ted talk #if you know the songs from the beginning you’re gay #:)#i hope you have a great day #im sorry #sorry bout that

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