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lavendertales · 1 year

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Sweet lies: Chapter 12

pairing: Frankie Morales x f!reader

summary: Frankie and Andrea finally open up to each other. You anxiously wait to hear the conclusion.

word count: 3.4k

warnings: allusions to sex, but nothing explicit.

A/N: happy birthday, @thevoiceinyourheadx!! hope you have a lovely day and that you enjoy this little piece here hehe❤️

Comments & reblogs are always appreciated 💕

gif: @clonecaptains

series masterlist | AO3

At six p.m., Frankie was in the airport, waiting at the gate as he said he would. Restless, he looked around for Andrea for about twenty minutes, until he finally noticed her figure in the crowd.

As opposed to other times, the smiles they both revealed this time were merely polite. There was hesitance behind them, sadness, nothing like it used to be. They could both feel the tension and the questions that begged to be answered. Their moves were mechanic, their bodies acting solely on muscle memory as Frankie got her luggage, put it in the trunk of the car, opened the passenger’s door for her, and started to drive.

They didn’t exchange many words during the one hour ride. They both knew that once they set foot inside the apartment, once filled with delusional happy memories, everything will come crashing down around them.

They walk through the door, closing it behind them, and they simply stare at each other for what feels like an eternity.

“Do you want to empty your bag?” he asks her, voice hollow, yet heavy at the same time.

Andrea smiles bitterly at him. “No. Not yet.”

Her reply, though simple, informs Frankie of her intentions. She’s not staying, he realizes. This only raises more questions, but if there was ever a time for answers, it is now.

“I have to tell you something,” Frankie begins.

His throat is dry, each time he swallows feeling like sand on paper, but he powers through it.

“What is it?” Andrea asks.

Frankie pauses. The more he looks at Andrea, the more pain washes over him, crashing inside his chest and forbidding him from breathing properly. But he knows he mustn’t go on with this charade, this game of pretend.

In the long run, it’ll be better for all of you. Honesty will prevail, he tells himself over and over again.

“Oh, come on, out with it already,” Andrea rushes him sweetly.

“There’s… someone else. I’m—there’s someone in my life that I—“

Andrea’s face drops, though not by much. There’s not much shock legible on her face, nor anger or anything negative, really, which ticks Frankie off. It’s as if she was already intuiting the words that are crumbling Frankie’s whole being. She takes a big breath, deeply, pulling even further away from him and searching his face, barely even blinking. The answer lies right before her, but it also resides in the pit of her stomach. It’s not that far of a stretch, but she allows Frankie his freedom of speech still. She reckons it’s more important for him to get this out.

“I’m in love with someone else.”

And there they are. Some of the most dreadful and harmful words known to mankind. Yet, Andrea remains unfazed, continuously staring at Frankie. He can’t tell if she’s contemplating what she’s just heard, or if she’s expecting to hear more, so he continues.

“It’s not new. It’s not because of the break. It’s always been there, clawing at my chest, buried at the back of my head and now it’s—it’s only gotten worse. I can’t hide it anymore, I can’t keep doing this to you, to us… it’s not fair. And it’s not who I am. Or not who I thought I was. I’m really sorry, Andy, I really am.”

She can tell he’s in massive distress, but she needs a real, factual confirmation of her suspicions.

“Who are you referring to?”

The question, sharply posed, strikes Frankie as some sort of attempt to diminish his feelings and place the blame on him. The blame he can take, but he won’t have Andrea or anyone tell him that what he feels is wrong. Not when it comes to you.

But Andrea is by no means a vindictive person. No, she feels just as deeply as Frankie does. And right now, she must feel taken aback, surprised, everything in between.

The groaned pronunciation of your name echoes across the room. The silence that follows is deafening, shattering both his and her eardrums, hearts speeding at the highest rates. But it had to be said, no matter how painful or hard it would feel.

And it carries no shortage of either.

“How long have you been feeling this way?”

The question surprises Frankie, tremendously so. She doesn’t sound that shocked at the revelation, which, in a way, makes Frankie feel even worse, though he does carry understanding for the woman he fought so hard to love properly—and subsequently failed.

“Since I’ve known her,” he says. “High school, when we met. I was just a coward and couldn’t tell her that. Mornings, noon, and nights I care about her. It’s… exhausting and painful. I’m so sorry, Andy. I can’t keep acting like all this is okay, like we’re not playing this big hide and seek game.”

“You seemed to be okay with us pretending to be so in love when you thought she was gone abroad and gone out of your life forever. What’s changed now? Just because she’s back in town?”

“No, it’s more than that, it’s…”

Andrea’s tone suggests genuine interest and concern, which throws Frankie off his rhythm for a bit. And it’s in that moment that Andrea comes to realize she may have just exposed herself.

“I was okay with it because I didn’t think she’d—wait a minute,” Frankie wakes up. “What do you mean we’re pretending?”

Andrea falters, gulping and breaking the eye contact at last. She’s almost twitching, tapping her leg on the wooden floor, and then it hits Frankie: a potential reason why she’s been so adamant about his confession, so understanding and calm, and why she’d suggested the breakup in the first place.

A way to confirm his own suspicions and allow both of them peace of mind.

“Is there someone else in your life?”

When she returns his gaze, he sees her eyes teary and blown out, like her worst fear had just become reality. In all honesty, Frankie resonates with that sensation, much more than he’d like his pathetic self to admit.

“Andrea,” he calls out to her. “What really happened at that conference on Valentine’s Day? That’s where it all started.”

“When what started?”

“Please. Don’t make me beg you for a confession. I told you about me. I just want us to be honest with each other.”

A tear rolls down her cheek as she approaches him again, face clearly devastated.

“Would it make you feel better about your doing, Frankie?” she mutters. “Would it make you feel better to hear me confess that I did it, too? You know what they say, two wrongs don’t make a right.”

Frankie frowns, trying to process the information that was just thrown at him, so viciously and yet deeply regretful. Suddenly, a weight is being lifted from his chest, and he can finally feel, though still shamefully so, like a man free to be himself, to be true to his own feelings.

Maybe Andrea will get to feel this way too by the end of the night.

“What happened on Valentine’s Day?” he insists.

Andrea gulps. “I was at a conference, like I said. But I—I wasn’t alone.”

Frankie nods slowly, once, twice, allowing the confession to dawn on him. It sinks in, it becomes obvious, and he feels, oddly enough or not, empathy for the woman before him. He cannot be mad for the life of him. In this moment, he sees both of them crystal clear: two people driven by cowardice in the same way, broken in others, struggling to do the right thing and ending up being miserable because of it.

“I get the feeling it wasn’t just a one-time thing,” he coos.

Andrea shakes her head shyly. “It’s—still going. It was… actually, it was going on for a while before then.”

“How long?”

“A little over a year.”

A boulder crushes Frankie when he hears that. He starts to pace around the living room, looking back at all the wedding plans they’ve been doing, all the otherwise happy moments they shared, when he thought they could at least connect on a physical level—only to have it all shattered as an illusion.

But it doesn’t make him as mad as he thought he would be. Matter of fact, it makes him feel relieved, though saddened by the lengths they had to go to in order to find an ounce of real happiness.

“With whom, if I can ask?”

“Someone from work. His name is Mark. It just happened one day in the break room. A kiss. And then it… escalated.”

“Yeah, I’m familiar with the concept.”

Seems the two have more in common that they thought, though not in the most socially acceptable way.

Frankie exhales, realizing that this might still work in both their favor if they play their cards right. That way, you won’t get the blame and it could all be circumstantial.

“So that’s why you wanted the break,” he concludes.

“He asked me to move in with him and—I panicked. I thought a break from us would help me view things more clearly, and it just messed them up even more and… I’m so sorry, Frankie. So sorry. I was… freaking out, finally realizing the magnitude of this mess and I thought it might be better… but then Mark started to beg me to end things, to do the right thing and make a choice and—“

“I know.”

“You do?”

Frankie shrugs. “The four of us have a lot in common by the looks of it.”

Andrea reaches for his hands, holding onto them like they’re a life vest.

“I never, ever wanted to hurt you,” she breaks down. “And like I told you back then, this had nothing to do with you. It’s me and all my fears and insecurities and desperate attempts to please my parents. Still. Like I’m the same little girl who’s afraid of their expectations and the pressure they’re putting on me. It’s not fair and it’s stupid, I know that.”

“But then… why insist on having the wedding back on? All of your messages said ‘we gotta make this work, no matter what’. What was the plan? Get married and you get to sneak around and shack up with Mark from work?”

Frankie acknowledges his accusatory tone, but this time he can’t help himself. He’s genuinely curious how Andrea planned to handle things.

“Because we were supposed to be the splitting image of happiness, you and me,” she replies apologetically. “The couple everyone is in awe of.”

“But it’s not the right thing, for either one of us. I doubt it would’ve worked this way. Being married and yet being madly in love with other people. Not for us, I mean. Maybe for others, but not for us.”

Frankie exhales slowly, rummaging the words. He can’t fully place the blame on the girl he was thankful for having in his life, nor can he condemn her for being in love with someone else. For all he knows, the other guy is the right choice for her.

If you love two people, choose the second one. Because if you were really in love with the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.

“Looks like we found real happiness elsewhere,” he concludes. “I really am sorry, Andrea.”

“So am I. Especially for dragging you into this whirlwind of insecurities projected by my family. This is my shit to handle, always has been. Never yours. Like you said, it’s not fair.”

“I thought I was this good, honorable man who would never cheat, but—“

“You are a good and honorable man. We were separated. I’m the cheater here, not you.”

Time stands still as he listens to her sharp words, the confession finally spilling from her tongue and out in the open.

“Can I tell you something though?” she asks. “I kind of suspected something was going on. Or rather that it might happen.”

Frankie freezes. Had he really been that obvious and careless?

“Whenever we were out, all of us, I saw the way you looked at her. The way you looked at each other. The way you’d hesitate to even hug her or be near her. A little too much struggle if you ask me. And I know because… well. I’ve done the same thing with Mark. And I knew it because you never really looked at me that way. So… blindly in love.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah.”

Another moment of silence. Andrea lets go of his hands, and Frankie feels the finality in the gesture. It all feels ultimate, at long last, freeing and shocking and painful and everything else in between.

“Obviously, this does sting,” Andrea says. “Neither one of us is that insensitive to not acknowledge that it does hurt. It’s been eight years, after all. Eight years since we’ve known each other, five years since we went out the first time. But you don’t have to carry this blame with you for the rest of your life. I am the one to blame.”

“But I—“

Andrea shakes her head. “You did nothing wrong, Frankie. Remember that. We don’t choose who we fall in love with. If it was a voluntary choice, we would’ve already been happily married.”

Frankie chuckles in embarrassment. He stares at the floor, still reeling into the guilt that’s been eating at him for the past few weeks.

“Do you love her?” she asks abruptly. “I know you’re in love with her, but do you love her?”

“I always did. It wasn’t just a hookup or a fling. I sucks to hear this, I know… but I have to say it, or I might never be okay again.”

Andrea nods, thus encouraging him to go on.

“It’s always been her,” he states. “And I think… I think her showing up here again means I got a second chance to do things right by her. To make it up to her.”

Andrea smiles. “Then make it up to her. Be there for her in all the ways you’ve always wanted to. Make it worth all of this madness.”

“I will.”

Frankie goes to hug her, both breathing properly for the first time in years.

“I’m really sorry,” Andrea mutters from his shoulder. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know.”

“I haven’t acted honorably at all. And it’s not because I don’t love you, because I do. It’s just—“

They separate, and Frankie gives her a sympathetic look.

“It’s not the same,” he finishes.

Her smile is bittersweet as she confirms, “It’s not the same. I’m so sorry, Frankie.”

“It’s okay. Like you said… we don’t choose our feelings. But I do love you.”

“I love you too. If my parents desperately wanted me to get married to the greatest guy they could ever meet, I’m glad it was you.”

He smiles flustered. “Thanks. Wait, so… what do we do now about the wedding? Your parents are gonna be pissed.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll handle it. It’s time I stand up to them, stop them from controlling my life and my decisions.”

“We gotta cancel it.”

“Well, unless Mark decides to propose within the next three weeks, I’m guessing we do have to cancel it, yeah.”

“Fingers crossed for the proposal then.”

They both chuckle, getting a renewed sense of friendship rather than loss. There is still mutual respect between them, a love that feels rather platonic more than anything else. At the end of the day, they realize that, while it might’ve been a messy affair, they do care about each other, enough to be honest and support each other.

“Do you love him?” Frankie asks while Andrea fumbles with her bag. “This Mark guy.”

“Is it bad to say that I really, really do?”

Frankie huffs, amused. “Not at all. I get it.”

“Oh, thank you, by the way.”

“What the hell for?”

“For having the guts to do what I couldn’t. I know firsthand it’s not easy, all that internal struggle, the sleepless nights… thank you for having enough courage for us both.”

She hugs him again, swinging the bag over her shoulder. “I’m gonna go stay with my cousin till I figure this whole thing out and uh… I guess I’ll pick the rest of my things over the weekend.”

“You can stay if you want.”

“I believe you got one more thing to do tonight. Don’t keep her waiting.”

Andrea leaves, which reminds Frankie of said thing he has to do. He grabs his phone and keys in a haste, and gets in the car.

It’s almost ten p.m. and you’re in your pajamas, on your second glass of red wine. Your mind won’t stop playing various scenarios of Frankie and Andrea and how their conversation might go. You picture it going both ways, and it’s maddening to not know anything. You resist the urge to text him anything, in spite of your raging curiosity. They need their privacy for such a tough conversation.

A knock on the door distracts you. You express your displeasure through a loud huff, but you go to open the door regardless, only to be left breathless at the sight.

“Hi,” you say.

“Hi.”

Frankie’s face is rather radiant, but you still refuse to hope for anything just yet. You can’t bring yourself to feel happy till you hear him say explicit words.

“What are you doing here?” you ask absentmindedly.

“I talked to Andrea.”

You draw in a big breath, holding it in, longing, aching.

“And?” you can barely bring yourself to ask.

He steps in, cupping your cheek and causing your whole body to tremble.

“I told you,” he says, nearly breaking into a smile. “It’s always been you.”

You finally exhale, the sound breaking into tiny little gasps as you stare at him. He goes in to hug you, holding you tight into his arms, and you close your eyes, feeling your eyes teary with happiness. It is so overwhelming that it nearly knocks you out.

You cup his cheeks, memorizing every little detail of his face in excitement, clinging onto him with a neediness you didn’t realize you had in you.

“How did Andrea take it? What happened?” you ask.

“It was… tough, but it’s over. She was very understanding. Apparently she’s been going through the same shit we have.”

Your eyes widen in surprise as you still cup his cheeks and his hands are wrapped around your waist.

“Seriously?” you ask, stunned.

“Yep. She’s been with this guy Mark for over a year.”

“Damn. How did you take it?”

Frankie huffs. “I was pretty surprised myself. But I really couldn’t blame her or be mad. We talked things through and we agreed to call off the wedding.”

“I’m sorry.”

Frankie nearly bursts into laughter. “Why?”

“I don’t know, I just… I feel responsible for turning your world upside down and causing a wedge between you two.”

“You didn’t do that, Hermosa. It would’ve been far worse to actually go through with it and then discover she’s dating someone else.”

You nod in agreement. But you also can’t deny the effect that his pet name has on you, fire spreading through your bloodstream. The sudden sensation of his hands on your waist are driving you insane; that mixed with the red wine in your veins, dangerous combination.

But for the first time, you won’t have to hold back. You won’t have to do anything in a rush, to bite down your tongue to not scream his name, and you won’t have to hide anything.

“Are you okay?” you check.

“I love you,” he tells you instead, pecking your nose.

You smile, your heart so full it might burst out of your chest.

“I love you. So fucking much.”

“So fucking much.”

You wrap your hands around his neck, pulling him in and leading him to your bedroom. You take the time to feel his lips over your skin, to feel his strong hands knead your flesh, to feel his hot breath in between your legs and to feel him inside you, moving with fervor.

For the first time in your life, you allow yourself to love Frankie Morales unapologetically and freely on that warm May evening, and so does he.

previous | next (EPILOGUE)

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heartofspells · 6 months

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Tuesday Snoop

(i missed monday)

Thanks for the tag, @theresthesnitch!

From the yet to be titled Prongsfoot Epic (not an epic).

"Wait, hang on. Go back," interrupts Sirius, drawing annoyed hazel eyes in his direction again. "What do you mean when she comes to her senses? You're not actually expecting her to change her mind, are you?" James' gaze narrows, turns into a reproving glare, but Sirius ignores it, barreling forward. "What the fuck is wrong with you? You're divorced. Everything's nipped and tucked and hacked to pieces. What do you – are you planning another wedding already? You're delusional."

"Sounds to me like you're the delusional one for assuming the worst," says James waspishly, his lip curling upwards into the smallest of sneers.

"You're divorced! I'm not assuming anything. As far as your relationship is concerned, the worst has already happened!"

James scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest like a stubborn child. "You're acting like an oblivious twat," he mutters. "And you're being unsupportive." Sirius gapes at him, can't stop himself. "Lily needs time, that's all. She needed time to come round to me in the beginning and she needs time now. I got too intense again, too bothersome. A bit of space and she'll figure it out."

"Yeah, I'm the oblivious twat, always have been," says Sirius snidely, a caustic edge to his voice as he casts sharp eyes in James' direction. "From the way she talked, it didn't sound entirely one-sided to me."

Remaining quiet for a minute, James stubs up like an abused crayon stuck inside its box. He shifts on the sofa, shoulders stiffening, head bending forward over his arms a little, and Sirius wants to kick him to make him fucking stop.

"I'm giving her what she wants. I always give her what she wants. She'll come round," he reiterates.

Sirius is a decent actor, and he's become highly achieved at stowing things away and hiding them beneath the surface until a later date or possibly never at all. He's had to. The war made that a necessity in ways he never wants to talk about, not to mention everything that followed until he'd tucked his tail between his legs and bolted like the unhappy dog he was and still is. But for as accomplished as he is at sliding things under the rug and ignoring it when needed, he can't do that now, the absurdity of everything James is saying bubbling up in him like the worst of injustices.

Throwing his head back as he releases an angry, wet sound, Sirius lurches forward off the sofa, allowing the momentum of his movements to carry him into the center of the room where he whirls on James, face a storm of disbelief as his friend regards him with irritating disinterest.

"You – are – divorced," snaps Sirius, heat in his throat, heat in each syllable, slamming his fist against his thigh to punctuate every word. "No longer married, relationship null and void. Do you need me to spell it out for you to understand? You're apart, split, not an us but a you and a her. You've got a kid that will barely look at his mum, let alone give her half the respect she deserves and is going to dig out of him eventually, and who the fuck even knows what he thinks about you right now."

James scowls at him, opens his mouth with a ready retort, but Sirius barges over top of him, not giving him the chance as he steps forward and bears down on his friend.

"You're out of the house, it's hers now. Your stuff isn't there. You aren't there anymore. You're camped out in a shitty excuse for a crumbling bedroom, and no, I don't have to see it to know that because you were always pants at construction charms. Remus, too. But go on, tell me how it's all temporary, how you'll be welcomed back with open arms soon enough to the ex-wife who finally saw how much better off she is without your pathetic, sniveling arse around all the time. Tell me how this isn't what you wanted as well as you spin your head around because you've no idea how to be alone for five fucking minutes."

Staring up at him challengingly, there's fire in the depths of James' hazel eyes, a dying forest burning. It sparks something else to life inside Sirius, a combative response, petrol hovering in the air, ready to tip forward and waste the rest of the land left untouched.

Finally snorting derisively, James reclines into the cushions of the sofa, his shoulders shifting as they forcibly relax, gaze raking down Sirius judgmentally.

"You sound like a jealous mistress," he snarks with an intense bite, reproach and condescension in his tone. "It's no wonder Lily was always nattering on about you and me."

Sirius' nostrils flare with rage, fingers curling into tighter fists at his sides. He nearly swings out, only barely managing to stop himself as he retreats, straightens his back, not able to recall when he'd began to bend over James in the first place.

"You know what? Fuck you, Potter," he spits, rounding on his heels and aiming for the door, already reaching for his jacket.

"Where are you going?" demands James in outrage, suddenly on his feet and stomping across the floor to catch up.

"Home. Good luck finding me without knowing where it is yet." He casts venomous eyes over his shoulder at James as he tugs one leather sleeve over his arm. "I don't have to be here, and if you're going to keep being an arrogant prat about everything, I won't be."

No pressure tagging: @spikybanana @in-flvx @cuddlebugsirius @colgatebluemintygel

#prongsfoot #prongsfoot epic #(not an epic)#snippet #my writing #holli writes

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jello-xo · 11 months

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Let's Talk About Pavitr Prabhakar

Preface: I know nothing about Marvel. I've never been a marvel fan and the only things I know about the franchise is stuff I've gotten second hand from friends or generally existing on the wider internet, with the exception of Across the Spider-Verse. I'm gonna be honest I haven't even seen ITSV all the way through, I just saw the character designs for ATSV and knew I needed to watch it and now I'm obsessed with specifically only the sony animated spider-verse movies.

Further preface: I am only speaking from the standpoint of an angst writer and reader. In addition to this, please understand that the following is typical behavior from me about all my comfort characters, not just Pav. When I get emotionally attached to a character, I want to see them get emotionally damaged and broken down. Don't ask me why, it happens with every character I obsess over.

The potential angst for Pav in BTSV is set up perfectly. P E R F E C T L Y. I want to see Emotional Damage in BTSV bc it is right there, set up just right for maximum effect. Before I get into the actual grit of what I'm itching to see handled in the movie, let's go over the setup. 1. Pav's universe is slowly falling apart at the seams because of the canon break, as far as we're aware right now. 2. The canon event that was interrupted was the one that would set him up to better cope with this. It was the wake up call, the 'you can't save everyone', the 'there WILL be casualties you cannot stop', the 'you are not invincible and all-powerful', the 'this job isn't fun and games'. Pav is noticeably more optimistic than the rest of the characters because he hasn't had his wake up call and thinks he can do it all. He's experienced the joy of saving people without the crippling guilt of being unable to save everyone. He didn't have to come to terms with being unable to save one person he loves. And because of that, because he's still living in this mask of optimism and always being able to make things right, he's going to fall even harder when everything goes wrong. He still thinks he can do it all. He still thinks he's responsible for anything that goes wrong. He still thinks that if he stretches himself thin enough, if he just tries hard enough, he can make everything turn out okay.

I want to see him trying to cope with watching everything crumble around him. I want to see him scramble around trying to save people and fix things all while keeping up that bubbly, optimistic persona we've come to expect from the admittedly very few minutes of screen time he has. I want to see denial, so much denial, insisting that he can fix it, everything can be made right, everyone can be saved. I want to see the situation slowly--or quickly--get out of hand as he struggles to keep up with the deterioration. I want to see him running everywhere, pushing himself to his limits, trying to save as many people as he can. I want to see him have to be pulled away kicking and screaming and crying by one of the other characters literal seconds before what's left of his universe collapses on him. I want to see him on the other side of that portal in someone else's universe grasping on for dear life to the few strands of denial he has left before losing it because he finally comes to terms with the fact that because he didn't get the chance to learn that he can't save everyone, he ended up saving nobody. I also lowkey want Miles to be there to witness that so he has even more pressure behind the fact that saving his dad might cause the collapse of his universe too. I want to walk out of that movie theater emotionally broken.

I also want to see him get back up afterwards. There's definitely not enough time in the movie to properly show even part of the never ending, lifelong grieving process that comes with literally everything you know and love being glitched out of existence, but I want to see him reach out for a support system. I want to see him allow himself to lean on his friends. I want to see him surrounded by all this indescribably heart-stopping loss, and I want to see him take a deep breath and keep walking despite it. Keep surviving. Keep pushing through, keep helping his friends, keep breathing through the anguish and torment.

Why? Am I a sadist? Am I a masochist? Probably. Am I insane? Also maybe, idk, the second psychology referral (after the first one got rejected, fuck you Blue Shield) will take months to get an actual appointment for. But this is what I specialize in as a writer. There's nothing I love writing more than emotionally charged, vulnerable, or gut-wrenching scenes. And I see perfectly before me how wrong this can go for him. I haven't actually had the energy to write or think about writing for so long, but the gears are turning in overtime now.

I would like to note that I do not want him to die. That would be so unsatisfying of an arc... with the possible exception of him glitching out slowly until he fully disappears with his friends around him bc that would be a gut punch. But for the most part, I want him to live through this.

This could also tie in really interestingly with Miles' predicament, between saving his dad and preserving the canon--if that's even a real thing, bc from the get-go Miguel is breaking canon since he wasn't technically bitten, but that's another rant. This could serve as a warning, or as further motivation to find a loop-hole. Or maybe it is a multi-dimensional hole from The Spot after all and Miguel is talking out of his ass, which I wouldn't be surprised by (y'all're simps, but I have been Judging that man from the first minute I saw him).

Ok thank you for coming to my crazy-ass sadistic(?) TedTalk, pls tell me if I'm actually crazy for this bc I think I might be. But also if I don't walk out of that goddamn movie theater crying and speechless I will be asking for my money back. And then I will be probably writing it out myself...

wtf is wrong with me jfc okay i'm leaving now to go scrub my brain with bleach goodbye

#across the spiderverse #atsv #pavitr prabhakar

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caramel1mochi · 8 months

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Beau Idéal [Chamber x F! Reader] [End]

Sorry for the delay, I just yelled at the head doctor of a clinic. We're also done with Chamber!

I'm not sure where to go next with this, so, I'll be putting up a vote on my profile for three agents soon enough. Trust me, I'll elaborate more on that post instead of this one. If you guys wanna check that out or comment any of your ideas, feel free to do so! This simp train hasn't run out of fuel just yet.

Anyway, have a good read!

❤ฺ·。

Chamber x F! Reader

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5

Genre: Fluff, but only if you squint really hard.

CW: Emotional manipulation, mental warfare, Geneva convention? Who's she?

Synopsis: Behind his poise façade lies an ocean of inhuman thoughts. This is the first time Chamber let his mask slip. And unfortunately, as the only witness; you happen to have a front-row seat.

。+❤ฺ·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ· +❤·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ·

Your teammates speaking through the radio irked you as you waited, but you couldn’t mute them. Brimstone would definitely pull you aside and at best, scold you. Being new and young in the protocol doesn’t mean you got away with everything. So keeping alert grew tougher and tougher the more they spoke, and you were practically hugging the wall in hopes of anything.

Then, two tiles scraped together.

In less then a second, you dropped your Stinger and lifted the ground; doing just as Chamber instructed you to do. Once you peeked, Neon shot a concussive blast in your direction, one that was swallowed by the soil that enveloped her within less than a second. Only bits of electricity escaped from the dirt, and the ‘chrysalis’ nearly fell apart once a spark hit your shoulder. You couldn't hold it up for too long either, given how massive it was.

You watched it crumble, and only one idea came to mind.

Twisting your hands, the dirt began slowly rotating alongside your movements. And as you picked up speed, so did the chrysalis, until it began rapidly swirling around her and unintentionally wreaking havoc on the environment around it.

This helped elevate some of the weight, but not too much.

‘I can’t hold this!’

You shouted over the radio, your arms shaking from the weight. And nothing relieved you more than the voice of the Frenchman.

‘I see it, is she inside?’

‘Yes!’

‘Make it smaller, inch by inch. Keep spinning it.’

As the loud wind filled your ears, it became more and more difficult to hear him. But you mindlessly obeyed and began dropping clumps and clumps of the soil, the chrysalis growing more constricted as it rapidly spun in place.

Chamber made his way towards it once it grew small enough to allow him an entrance, but still kept a safe distance between them. Just because the soil was a poor conductor doesn’t mean the electricity just disappeared; corrosion still existed. But god, was the sight hypnotising. The very idea of Neon being trapped within like prey helplessly swarmed by an army of ants, it was like art to him. ‘Avant-garde’ is what he’d prefer to call it.

Swirling the chrysalis was a contingency he’d never even thought about. But seeing it in action? He fell in love with the concept. And if there was less space between her and the dirt, there was a high chance the rapid speed would start tearing her skin off if it even grazed against her.

“Que ç'est beau.” <How beautiful.>

He murmured to himself.

Ah, but he was getting carried away. He unmuted the radio and snapped himself out of his trance.

‘Drop it.’

Just as you obeyed, a loud bang echoed throughout the area, then a thud.

Chamber’s pupils dilated as he watched Neon’s corpse fall to the ground, crimson fluid escaping the hole in her head and seeping into the dirt.

Then, the spike dropped.

His Headhunter disappeared with a flick of his wrist.

‘Bravo, A/N. What great potential you have. Such a shame nobody… taught you.’

As he spoke, he heard another thud from behind him, looking over to find your only hand, on the ground, fingers peeking through the doorway. Seems like you fainted too.

He walked up to your body and easily carried you with both arms. It was a given, considering your strength was naught compared to his. And for the next few seconds, he stared at your tired face. Sweat dripped down your chin, and your hair now incredibly messy; the braid unrecognisable.

He smiled to himself, almost as if he was belittling you in your coma.

If he couldn’t extort them for anything useful, Chamber would rank everyone mostly based on how much entertainment he could derive from them. And today, your powers amused him to an exceptional degree. How you scattered them like headless chickens before mercilessly crushing them. The icing on the cake being that you were under his authority the whole time.

It was just too easy.

‘Chamber, A/N, where the hell are you two?!’

Brimstone called out through the radio, only now noticing your disappearance. The noise back on A site had completely stopped a while ago, aside from the chatter of his colleagues. And he couldn’t hold back a smile as he unmuted.

‘Relax, Brimstone. The spike is with us. You have nothing to worry about.’

He carried you over his shoulder and turned towards said bomb, running today's events through his head with each step. Mostly the mirrors' slow deaths, but I digress.

❤ฺ·。

Your eyelids were weakly lifted, and you used your hand to shield your face from the strong lights above you. It took a few seconds for your hearing to catch up, muffled noises slowly morphing into familiar voices. And that’s not to consider the raging headache you currently had. Sage’s words became more obvious, and you slowly caught on that you were laying down on a hospital cot in the infirmary, which explained many things. No wonder the lightbulbs hurt like hell.

“...stabilising. Yes, she’s fine. She’s awake.”

Then, beeping. And you easily deduced it was from the heart monitor hooked up right next to you. You sat up and looked to your right, finding Sage who stood there alongside Jett and Raze. But just as you opened your mouth to speak, they pulled you into a tight hug, suffocating you.

“Oh my god, we thought you died!”

“I’m– I’m fine–”

“You should’ve seen your face when Chamber brought you back, A/N! You looked so pale!”

You pat their backs, struggling to breathe. Noticing this, Sage couldn’t help but politely laugh and usher them to break the embrace. They promptly complied, but not without Jett grabbing your shoulders angrily.

“Next time, don’t you dare split away from us! What will we ever do without our group baby?!”

You laughed, pushing her away.

“Even if I die, Sage can just res us, chill out!”

You looked at all three women with a smile, before something perked up in your mind. You quickly met Sage’s gaze.

“Where’s Chamber?”

“Chamber? He’s… I– I can’t recall where exactly. Would you like me to bring him over?”

“Yeah, yeah. I need to talk to him pronto.”

She nodded, stepping out of the room. Just like your friends, she was caught off guard by your sudden mention of him.

“Woah, hey, what the heck happened?”

You shook your head.

“I just gotta talk to him. He’s… uh, I forgot to tell him something important… about today.”

They both raised an eyebrow at this lie. But considering your frail state, even after Sage worked on healing you, they decided it was best to simply nod and go along.

And thus, they decided to accompany you for the remaining few minutes they had with you until the Frenchman would arrive. What weirded you out was why he wasn’t here with you. After everything that happened, there’s no way he could just leave you in the dust and leave, right? Nevertheless, you waited. And the more time ticked by, the more dread you felt as you remembered Neon, Sova and the rest. Though you couldn’t see her within the dirt you trapped her in, you could still feel the elongated terror you inflicted upon her before she was killed.

❤ฺ·。

The door swung open, all of your eyes landing on the tall silhouette that stood in the doorway. The light glimmered off of the tattoos, the only visible features on him despite the darkness that enveloped him.

He stepped forward, smiling.

“Good evening.”

He called out and walked towards you, your friends making way for him and both returning his greeting. But instead of leaving, they looked towards you for confirmation. And you simply nodded, allowing them to leave and slam the door shut, leaving you alone with him.

“Hey, where were you?”

“Brimstone took me in for questioning about your state.”

“Really? Wait, I can talk to him–”

You went to get up from the bed, but he quickly placed a hand on your shoulder and forced you to sit back down.

“Take it easy, ma chérie. You still have to rest.”

Yes, right. The ‘work’ that weakened you. The entire reason you called him over in the first place.

You went to ask, but the words got stuck in your throat once he turned you to your side, sliding off the hair tie that held up your messy ‘braid’ together.

“You did a good job today, A/N. Impressive, even.”

You winced once you felt him open up the braid, letting your auburn hair come loose.

“Good job? I don’t know about this...”

“Is something the matter?”

Then, his fingers ran through the locks of your hair. And you couldn’t help but feel an immense amount of unease, remembering the mission all over again.

“Chamber, I don’t want to kill anyone with my powers! I buried two today, and Neon got suffocated in that ball before you shot her! I don’t want to do anything like that again!”

“I see. So, you do not wish to cause harm?”

“Not like that. If I'm gonna kill someone, I don’t want to make them suffer.”

It should be a given, right? Though you were going off of your natural empathy, It probably violated the Geneva convention, to torture someone before killing them. If anyone here even bothered to take a look at that. Didn’t Neon fake a surrender once? But from the looks of things, it seemed like Chamber was one of the ones who had the convention’s rules memorised like the back of his hand. And it wasn’t for a virtuous reason.

“You worry about nothing, ma chérie, they most likely died once the soil fell on them. Head trauma is not to be taken lightly.”

“I guess, but what about Neon?”

“Please. You hardly did anything. When it comes to pain, I believe your abilities are less debilitating than the others.”

You paused.

“What does that mean?”

“Being burned alive is no easy way to go either, A/N. And yet, Phoenix is one of your dear friends, non?”

His hands worked on smoothing out your hair, untangling it.

“And Raze seldom hides her excitement when she tosses around explosions. How many did she maim with her bombs? I can only imagine their pain before Sage helped them.”

He began dividing your hair into three sections, each one intertwined between his fingers. Then, he began braiding.

“Not to mention Reyna, who outright takes joy in what she does. And Viper, and Breach, and Yoru, and…”

“Okay, okay, I get it!”

He chuckled. Both of you knew that you were now completely cornered. Behind your back, Chamber scrutinised you like a lab rat. Not a single hint of humanity behind those dead eyes. The dead eyes you thankfully had no clue of. Or anybody, for that matter.

“I simply find your concerns silly, A/N. However, if you wish to go back to building walls, then who am I to stop you?”

Chamber spent the next few seconds braiding the last remaining portion of your hair, before bringing all of them together at the end and tying it all with your hair tie. Once he let go, he gently ran his fingers through it. And as expected, no imperfections in his work were found. Though, admittedly, he considered himself rusty when it came to styling hair, so this was a pleasant surprise.

He knew he left your mental state in turmoil, rapidly working to decide whether or not you wanted to go down the path he offered, or work around as a glorified wall building maid in the battlefield. Between causing destruction your mental state could hardly handle, or being incredibly passive. It seemed like there was no balance.

“This was fun, but I must get going.”

“Wait, Chamber!”

You called out and stopped him in his tracks, quickly turning to look at him. Though, by now, his back faced you. And he waited for you to continue. Nervously, you held your fixed braid with both hands, playing with it.

“Still up for, uh, being my boss?”

Juxtaposed to your insecure smile, Chamber’s was full of confidence the moment those words left your mouth.

Perfect.

Just like all of the others, you crawled back to him. How could he not be pleased? And with a sense of triumph even you could see exuded from him, he walked towards you and patted your shoulder twice, the same way a proud father would.

“Certainly.”

#valorant #x reader #fanfiction #chamber x reader #valorant fanfiction #valorant oneshots #chamber #female reader #chamber x f reader #chamber x female reader #valorant chamber #valorant x reader #valorant imagines #vincent fabron #valorant chamber x reader #valorant chamber x f reader

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skylerskyhigh · 1 year

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Turtles Forever AU idea (YSR)

Music has inspired me yet again

youtube

So what if a Turtles Forever crossover. That includes 03, 07, 2012, and Bayverse.

The portal that Rise Mikey opened accidentally dragged the other alternates, portal jacking them to Rise.

Mikey isn't allowed to open another portal after he almost died. So the Donnies needed to collaborate to make another portal. But it isn't easy cause in Rise, they need to use Mystic and science combined. So it takes a while.

The Krang was released again. He wanted payback on Leo. He's willing to threaten and kill the other brothers to do it.

They're being hunted. Krang Prime isn't focused on invasion. He's fully hunting the turtles. It is only because of Casey Jr's experience that they managed to barely slip away.

Pain all around. The turtles are panicking because "OH MY GOSH WHAT IS THIS KRANG?!!!" And "THEY'RE HUNTING US OH FUCK!" coupled with "OHMIGOSH THEY'RE BACK OH NO!!!" and "HOW DID YOU SURVIVED THEM?!" From the alternates.

They tried everything but this Krang is still too strong. Rise only survived because they had their ninpo. The others don't and barely survived their near miss encounters.

Then someone gets seriously hurt.

The Leos realize that the only way to stop this Krang is to repeat what they did. Rise Leo would have to send him into the prison dimension. Or maybe somewhere else, using his own portals, where there is no key to return with. They need to get Rise Leo close, because Krang knows Rise Leo can portal and it will be very difficult. They don't feel very hopeful about their odds. Still, they snuck away to confront the Krang alone, because he wants Leo.

They confront Krang and somehow manages to open a portal to another dimension, similar to the prison dimension. An isolated world with no life in sight. Or maybe a portal to a gap in reality, a black hole, a place where if you get stuck there, you'll slowly crumble apart. But they don't have a choice.

Of course, the others won't let the Leos be their self sacrificing, idiotic selves. They chase after the blue masked turtles. They get hurt. Again. The Krang is just too powerful. Leos are, at their core, the same. The sight of their brothers hurt made their souls resonate with a singular thought to save their brothers. The Leos combined their power. 03's mystic ability. 12's spiritual powers. Rise's ninpo. Even the ones without power gained the ability because at their core, they are Leonardo.

The Leos had to collectively hold Krang down, making themselves living shackles, and literally drag Krang with them into the portal to nowhere.

The Leos are gone.

The rest of the brothers are broken. Shocked. Scared. Angry. Despairing. Grieving. They lost their brother. They lost Leo. Again.

But they can't lose hope.

The Leos never gave up on them.

So why should they do the same?

If the Leos can combine their powers, why can't the rest of them do the same? So they did.

The Rise team started it. They've done this before. If anyone can do it, it's them. But Mikey couldn't open another portal by himself. Not where Leo had gone. They don't know where he's gone but they know he's dying.

The 12 group step forward. They've face worst odds. They believe that the Rise team could do it. They would also step in to help, somehow. Because if they're anything, it's that they're traumatised. But also stubborn. Extremely stubborn and determined.

It was a chain reaction.

03 has their own abilities that they can use to help the Rise team.

07 has dealt with weird mystical shenanigans before. Literal demons. They want their Leo back, whatever it takes.

Bayverse are determined and hopeful. With so many of them, surely they can save their brothers!

Their powers combined. They reach out for their Leos, calling out to them through the very layers of different dimensions. 5 sets of 3 turtles all with the singular desire to bring their brother back.

Something reaches back to them. Their Leos. Barely holding themselves together in a cold, dark space that threatens to tear them apart, atom by atom. But they're still fighting the Krang, who decides that if he's dying, he's making sure the Leos die with him.

Target locked. They open a portal. Like a cluster of stars in the sky, they all come flying to save their brother. All of them humming with combined power, shared between all of them.

The Hamato ninpo is a power that draws from its users. The more people they're connected to, the more powerful it is. They are stronger, together.

They defeat the Krang and drag the Leos home. They did it. They saved their Leos.

They hugged. They cried. They yelled and scolded and shook their brother because "Why are you such a self sacrificing idiot!!!"

But it's okay. They did it. They saved their brother. Their moronic, selfless, wonderful Leonardo.

They're different, but so similar at the same time. They would do anything for their brother. Even beat impossible odds.

#turtles forever #tmnt au #tmnt 2k12 #tmnt 2018 #03 tmnt #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2007 #tmnt bayverse #tmnt 07 #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles #Youtube

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animlcrisscross · 1 year

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It Was Simple (You Are Sweetness)

Chaptered Fic

Preview

It was time for graduation, and things between him and Eijiro weren't the best. He tried his best to ignore him. He tried his best to maybe float away from everything he loved so deeply. So deeply he felt his heart jolt every time he saw that forgiving, kind smile. He didn't want to disappoint him. He didn't want to break his excitement about moving on together. But every time their eyes met? Every time he saw his hopeful smile and the love in his gaze? He felt…

He felt.

The last time he had felt a moment of bliss was the night before graduation. Eijiro had held him tight in his emptied dorm, thinking he was asleep again as he whispered, “I love you so much, Katsuki. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

He loves Eijiro. He adores him more than anything in the world. So, he doesn't know why the sound of his love, so clear, had brought a sting to his throat. Why it burned at his skin.

On the day of their graduation, Eijiro had brought him into a passionate kiss as they were declared official pro heroes, pulling him to the side after the ceremony was over. He had tears in his eyes, looking so beautiful amongst the confetti and cheers that he almost gave in. He almost let himself believe that he could have Eijiro and hero work.

But, ‘ You have to be ready for loss. You have to be ready for being apart. You have to be ready for fear .’ Played like a loop in his mind. The thought of Eijiro down and beaten in a hospital bed because of him made his heart drop to his stomach. He felt like he had pinpricks on his skin. Something burning and ready to burst.

Eijiro had said he had a surprise for him after the ceremony. And as soon as he pulled him away further and away from all the excitement, it felt like the sky was sloshing. He bit at the inside of his lip as Eijiro thrust his hands into his pockets with a nervous smile.

“So, Kats. Do you think, now, we can make this official? You know, since we’re official heroes and all? Maybe we can be official boyfriends?” Eijiro held out his hand, but he had seemed too nervous to notice he didn't take it, “And maybe—ah…moving—?”

Eijiro sniffed, giving him a small smile.

Everyone that knew them knew that they were each other’s. It had been something unwritten since their first year. Everyone just assumed they were together. They absolutely had to be, considering all the time they spent together, all the late-night sleepovers that they didn’t even try to hide, all the common room snuggling and holding hands in public.

But, no one had officially asked the question. Until then.

Katsuki felt tears rush to his eyes, a heat rush to his cheeks. He didn't even hear himself saying it, but he saw Eijiro’s face crumble. His heart falling like shards on the ground along with his tears.

“What do—Katsuki? W-what you mean, no ?”

Fuck. Fuck . Why was he doing this? Why was—

With his lack of response. Eijiro started to turn away, and his words rushed to his lips.

“Eijiro, wait I—”

Eijiro had turned around with a laugh that almost sounded venomous, pain so clear in his throat that he wished he could take the sun and rewind the hours. The years before he allowed himself to fall in love with Eijiro Kirishima.

“So, we’re done then?”

Summary:

Bakugo Katsuki liked to believe he didn’t care about relationships anymore. Especially since the one person who he was convinced was the love of his life seemed like he didn’t want anything to do with him. Well, “seemed” was putting it generously. The bastard hadn’t talked to him since graduation. And, well, that was mostly his fault. Okay, 100 fucking percent his fault.

--OR--

Katsuki and Eijiro are on the next steps of their lives. Will they fall out of step with each other as they continue through their journey of healing, self discovery, and the pain of love?

AO3 [x]

___

All chapters fully posted on AO3!

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o-wyrmlight · 1 year

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In other news, I've had recent thoughts revolving around Clotted Cream and Madeline Cookie in my AU (one of many that I haven't talked about or made content of at all for. What, months?).

While originally my idea was that Madeline and Clotted Cream may have dated in academy at some point, I've had thoughts revolving around the idea of Madeline instead being inducted into Custard's home as Clotted Cream's brother instead.

The idea of them dating was to cause a sort of tension between them revolving around the fact that Madeline sees Clotted Cream's actions as setting up an inevitable downfall, but I think it'd make more sense story-wise if Madeline were raised alongside Clotted Cream. It would allow for Madeline and Clotted Cream to form a brotherly bond that ends up becoming dismantled, distant and bitter as they grow up, which would be much more motivating character-wise.

Plus it'd make more sense for Madeline's backstory and how he turned into the kind of toxic, manipulative person he ended up becoming by the time he left the Republic. I think that exploring how two people being raised in an abusive household via Custard and coming out different would be an interesting perspective in two different ways that abuse can affect people who grew up in that environment.

Because on one hand, we have Madeline, who learned early on that the best way to stay out of trouble was to lie and forge evidence to keep the peace as much as he could at home. On the other, Clotted Cream grew up with the desire to make Custard proud, so was willing to do almost anything if it meant he'd have a chance at doing so.

It's an interesting dissection, I think. Imagine Clotted Cream and Madeline being friends when they were children, but drifting apart because of their differences in how they handle their abusive environment. Eventually that drifting turns into bitterness and spite from both ends--from Madeline, regarding how Clotted Cream tries to suck up to Custard so much; and for Clotted Cream, how little Madeline respects and appreciates everything that Custard has done for both of them.

These are some thoughts regarding Madeline's backstory in my AU, Crumbled Castles.

#tw: abuse mention #tw: childhood abuse mention #crumbled castles au

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findingmypeace · 2 years

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6/5/2022

A side note before I write my post: I’ve received almost 20 asks in the last 48 hrs. I’m a little overwhelmed with that number so it might take me a little while to answer them.

But now that I’ve sat down to write a post I almost feel like there is nothing to say that hasn’t already been said. I’m trying to keep myself distracted today in order to keep my mind off of things. However, I am having a hard time concentrating on anything. I need to write a discussion post for school but in order to do that I need to get some reading done and I also have chores to do today. And yet, I’ve done nothing but watch The Great British Baking Show. I just don’t have the motivation to do anything. I finally put my laundry in the washer.

I think I might call LS. I need to talk to someone about my Mom and she’s been there with me through it all. She will understand. She was part of the group of adults that encouraged my parents to get me help when I was in middle school. My brain is telling me to shut up. I’m just so sick of things and sick of myself.

On Friday, when I had ect my psychiatrist told me he wants me in at least iop asap. His reasoning is that the sooner I get in the less likely I will have to go to php or even res. But I’ve pretty much given up. I wouldn’t be surprised if the treatment centers I talk to this week recommend res. I realize I’m pretty much shooting myself in the foot. I’m making things worse and almost ensuring that I need a higher level of care than iop by giving up. But I can’t get myself to care anymore. I don’t know what I’m doing other than completely messing up my life.

In the summer of 2010 everything in my life came crumbling down. I couldn’t find a job. I applied to over 50 jobs got none of them. I had a bachelor’s in psychology which essentially meant nothing and absolutely no experience. I was living in another state (the state where I went to college) and at the end of the summer, being completely broke and hopeless, my parents moved me home. That was actually the fresh start I needed. I got a job as a nanny. A year later I started grad school. I became financially independent. Eventually I graduated with my master’s and started my career. My parents didn’t make it easy. My Dad was furious with me for having to move home and I was essentially ‘grounded’. Until I found that job as a nanny my ‘job’ was to do chores around the house. I wasn’t allowed to hang out with friends. I was basically confined to the house until I found a job.

I feel like that is where my life is headed. Everything is going to fall apart and I’m going to have to move back in with my parents. I do not want to go through that again. During the summer/fall of 2010 I felt subhuman. I felt like I was of lesser value than everyone else and I felt like it was my own fault for being an irresponsible idiot who couldn’t find a job. This time I’m the irresponsible idiot who can’t stop engaging in her ed long enough to live a life. WTF am I doing?

#personal #ed treatment #bulimia #eating disorders #depression

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martytsui · 2 years

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[ 📞 ] ‘ you’re important. don’t forget that, langga. ’ ( lil treat w the nickname <3 )

hey, there's something i need to talk to you about.

everything going on with high volume, everything with jerry, then james, then finding out her mother’s been keeping in touch with someone that left them both, her father’s wedding... it all carefully built a house of cards around marty. fragile, held on by nothing but the fear of letting it all come out and it just being something marty would never be able to reel back in. it’s just all around marty, just waiting to be blown over by something that finally makes it all crumble on top of her. and it would not feel like playing cards were falling, no — it would all be like a wave violently crashing onto the shore instead.

i’m going to leave town.

marty doesn’t know if that’s what has happened now, as she stands there looking at christian, unable to understand exactly what she’s feeling. everything else that comes after, it doesn’t feel like the wave she expects, sweeping her away. instead, it’s just something that makes christian’s words, his explanation feel like an empty echo. it’s like christian is standing at the top of a well, while marty’s floating on dark water, just looking up and waiting to grow tired of trying to stay afloat.

christian tells her all about how he feels — he doesn’t fit in, never has, how it all feels like it’s being lost to him, the store, his friends... and marty gets it, even if it doesn’t make the pain of knowing he’s leaving any less overwhelming.

why are you leaving? marty wants to ask, going as far as parting their lips. why would he stay? their thoughts quickly refute. all marty does is cross her arms over her chest, nodding along.

and when he asks her to come with, when he tells her he wants her there with him, marty almost says yes. it comes as a shock — the invitation, how christian’s eyes tell her he actually means it when he says he wants her there with him, how she almost says yes. how she almost lets herself be selfish enough to leave everything and everyone behind, go with the only brother she ever really had and relish in the fact that she knows he would always stick by her side.

unfortunately, leaving right now feels wrong to them and the answer that leaves them can be summed up to one word: no.

you’re important. don’t forget that, langga. it’s the nickname that triggers that one blink that causes tears to fall down her cheeks.

marty doesn’t believe those words, not really. and it’s not christian’s fault that they don’t, marty knows that much. she would never even dare think christian would do something just to pain them, without any care for how it would make them feel. he’s not leaving to hurt them, he’s not leaving because of them — he’s leaving for himself and, somewhere among the hurt, marty tells herself there’s no reason to be sad. marty just wants the best for christian, even if it means they’ll have to deal with an empty apartment, on top of other things they can barely handle to begin with.

marty wants to ask him to stay, she really does. for a heartbeat, they just look at him and almost, almost give him an excuse to stay, a reason to stick around. they don’t say anything, though, they can’t ( whether it’s because of the lump in their throat or her subconscious reminding her of old beliefs, marty doesn’t know ). instead, she just hugs christian tightly. as tightly as she has ever hugged anyone and she just lets herself hold him for as long as she can and stops herself from doing something she knows would only delay the inevitable and make a goodbye harder than it already is.

because, after all, who is she to do that, to selfishly ask christian to stay when he doesn’t want to, when he feels like leaving is the best thing for him? if christian feels like he has to leave, then all marty can do is accept it and deal with his absence whenever she allows herself to feel it.

when marty finally pulls away from the hug, she feels just how wet her cheeks had gotten, how many tears had actually rolled down and hit christian’s shoulder. marty sniffles, clears her throat, tries to push out the numbness that threatens to just swallow her whole, at least until christian leaves. she doesn’t want the last time she sees him, talks to him, to be dulled down by any overwhelming feeling that’s creeping up on her.

“you better call me whenever you can or i’ll drag you back myself if i have to, y’hear me?”

marty refuses to say the word goodbye. she won’t. she can’t. not even as she watches christian leave and close the door one last time.

#my replying three months after? yes i am #but this also hits sooooooooo different rn #ik its supposed to be a phonecall meme too iirc but <3 nothing is real #it's a gbye to christian that needed to happen you can jail me for this idc #shaking crying screaming throwing up #😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#— ANSWERED MEME #also sorry for not putting it under read more i refuse to break up any of this pain <333

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taterturnspages · 1 year

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THE AMERICAN ROOMMATE EXPERIMENT BOOK REVIEW

Genre(s): Fiction, Contemporary Romance

Kinda sorta a spoiler-free review, but not really since this is a romance book lol. It’s a requirement for romance novels to have an HEA or at least an HFN (happy for now) ending.

STAR RATING: 2.5/5

SPICE RATING: 2/5

SYNOPSIS:

Rosie Graham has a problem. A few, actually. She just quit her well-paid job to focus on her secret career as a romance writer, only to enter a creative slump. Then, the ceiling of her New York apartment literally crumbles on her. She heads to her best friend Lina’s apartment, not knowing that Lina has already lent the studio to her cousin Lucas, who Rosie has been stalking—for lack of a better word—on Instagram. To Rosie’s surprise, Lucas offers to let her stay with him, at least until she can find some affordable temporary housing.

Soon, Rosie discovers that Lucas is intent on coming to her rescue like a Spanish knight in shining armor. Only this one strolls around the place in a towel, has a distracting grin, an irresistible accent, and comes with a set of mad cooking skills. And when Lucas learns of Rosie’s writers block, he proposes an outrageous idea to bring back her literary muse and meet her deadline: he’ll take her on a series of experimental dates meant to jump-start her romantic inspiration. Rosie has nothing to lose. Her silly online crush is totally under control—but Lucas’s stay in New York has an expiration date, and six weeks may not be enough time for either her or her deadline.

READ THIS IF YOU:

Enjoy forced proximity romance books

Like the “broken boy” trope

Want to prolong The Spanish Love Deception universe

Don’t mind a little cringe (I’ll explain in a minute, lol)

CHARACTERS:

Rosie Graham:

A lot of reviews of this book call Rosie annoying and insufferable. She came from a life of childhood trauma where she was forced to grow up way too soon, and now, in her adult life she is very unsure of herself and tends to come off insecure. She has to be in control of every situation and she has a plan for everything, and she is always the friend that people come to, but rarely does she ever require help for herself. She is a chronic overthinker and gets anxiety even by thinking of situations that could cause her anxiety.

I can see why someone would dislike her, especially if they don’t share any of the same qualities as Rosie. I can see why she comes off as annoying and unsure of herself to some people. For me though, I felt a connection with Rosie because we share a lot of the same qualities. The constant overthinking, being anxious about anything and everything, and feeling like you have to have everything under control. I feel like I liked Rosie more than the average consensus based on reviews of this book, but I still didn’t really like her enough to say that I actually liked her character throughout the entire book. Allow me to share with the class, yeah?

Rosie does tend to come off as manipulative. For example, Rosie says to Lucas: “I just wish you wanted me as much as I wanted you.” during a scene that had nothing to do with how much either of them wanted each other, but rather what HAD to be done. I didn’t like how she cornered Lucas here and it felt really unfair to him.

Rosie had little to no self-respect, either. There were multiple occasions that she had to beg, yes beg, Lucas to even so much as look at her. This felt really icky to me, even if the author meant this as a way to show that Lucas has boundaries and is respectful of boundaries, but I personally didn’t take it that way. I took it as Rosie begging Lucas to do things that would be considered the absolute bare minimum to someone Lucas claims that he cares about. That is certainly not the message I want to hear from the heroine of a romance novel because it enforces that begging for the bare minimum is okay, when it really isn’t okay at all.

And the cherry on top of it all is that Rosie was lying to everyone in her life that she claimed to love and care about (her father, her brother, and her best friend). Rosie would constantly self-deprecate about how she was lying to those she loved and how it made her feel like a bad person, yet she would continue to lie EVEN WHEN she was presented with multiple opportunities to tell the truth. It’s hard to feel sorry for someone when they willingly choose to pass up several opportunities for literally no apparent reason at all. The worst part about Rosie’s lying is that yes, she lied to everyone that she claimed meant so much to her, yet she spilled the truth to a complete stranger (Lucas) within the first 24 hours of meeting him. It seemed a little off-putting to me and I didn’t like it at all. The irony of Rosie’s lying problem is that her brother, Olly, lied to her and Rosie let it destroy her mood when she suspected Olly was hiding something from her. The pot and the kettle, babes.

Lucas Martín:

Alright so, Lucas. If you thought Rosie’s character analysis was harsh, then buckle your seatbelts kids.

I would first like to say that Lucas does have a fair amount of redeemable qualities. He’s sensitive, thoughtful, and he can cook. Lucas too has a troubled past that haunts his present-day life and he’s very open about how he is navigating his future in a way that is best for him. But sadly, not all glitter is gold.

For starters, let me just mention that it is admitted by Lucas himself and then later confirmed by Lina (his cousin) that Lucas has never been in a relationship, but he’s had several women come in and out of his life. Lucas says, and I quote directly from his dialogue, that “a woman has never broken my heart”. Is there anything inherently wrong about this? Not necessarily, but if a man is 30 something years old and has never had a strong emotional connection with a woman, how am I supposed to interpret that? Because the author never really explained why Lucas has never had any sort of emotional connection with a woman. Am I supposed to assume that he’s been waiting for his soulmate for his entire life and that’s why he’s never had a commitment? Or am I supposed to assume that he’s just that typical douchebag player type that dumps women from his life after he gets what he wants from them? The reason why this was a problem for me with Lucas’ character is because we just don’t know what the reason is.

Based off of Lucas’ other character traits, I’m inclined to believe that he’s just a flirt and gets women to fall for him so he can get what he wants. Lucas and Rosie clicked almost instantly, to the point that this book pushed the envelope of the insta-love trope. The reason why they clicked so hard and so fast is because Lucas just used his magical flirtatious charm, and I’m led to assume that this is not coincidentally the first time Lucas has pulled that type of scheme. So, I’m going to go with an assumption that I have facts to back up that Lucas historically just uses his charm to his advantage to get women to flock at his feet, and then he can do what he needs to do, and then gets rid of them. Major red flag and certainly not the man I want as the hero of a romance book.

With that being said, that’s really the only major character flaw of Lucas aside from the fact that he is just kind of cringe. The things he says to Rosie are extremely cliché and so unoriginal (another reason to believe that he’s a player and just cycles through his rolodex of compliments that could apply to any girl). Like, “did I wake up in heaven?” when he sees Rosie after he wakes up (not even 12 hours after they met for the first time……).

Lastly, Lucas is the most insecure man I have ever seen in a romance book. He’s constantly saying things like “Rosie deserves so much better” and self-deprecating about himself. Remember ladies, if a man tells you that you deserve better, listen to him and don’t give him a chance to prove himself to be correct. Lucas saying that Rosie deserves better just goes to show that he has no sort of willpower to be the man that she needs, so clearly he doesn’t want her that bad.

PRAISES, CRITIQUES, AND MY THOUGHTS:

I know my character analyses were harsh, but hear me out: this book didn’t totally suck. There were some cute little moments between Lucas and Rosie. I don’t want to spoil anything if you do plan to read this, but beware that the cute moments are pretty few and far between. Personally, I didn’t really buy that Rosie and Lucas had genuine chemistry, so maybe that’s why I feel the way I do.

As for the rest of the issues that I had with this book, there is something so apparently wrong about Lina describing Lucas, her own cousin, as having a “panty dropping smile”. Like, I’m sorry...what??? Who talks about their cousin this way?? I shouldn’t have to expand on that any further.

Also, the plot follows Rosie’s journey as a romance writer. Let me lay the groundwork of that for you a little so you can understand what I’m about to say. Rosie wrote her first romance novel and it became a HUGE hit and gained a ton of traction. So much so that Rosie signed with a publisher and the publisher requested a second book from her and gave her a deadline for it. Rosie really struggled to write this book because she had writer’s block and lacked inspiration. Rosie’s second book was set to follow the best friend of the main character in the first book and her second book was giving the best friend the love story they deserved. Does that ring a bell for you? No? Okay, allow me to bridge the gap. The Spanish Love Deception is in the same book universe as The American Roommate Experiment. The Spanish Love Deception followed Lina. Rosie is Lina’s best friend. The American Roommate Experiment (the second book in the universe) follows Rosie and gives her the love story she deserves.

Reading this plot line about Rosie struggling with her second book felt like a testimony straight from the author about her own struggles writing The American Roommate Experiment. And I don’t mean this rudely, but I could certainly tell that this book was a struggle for her to write. I do understand that author’s writing about their own struggles can be an outlet for them to air their grievances. But this seemed very low effort for Elena Armas and I was really disappointed because she has such amazing writing talent and I really enjoyed The Spanish Love Deception. I know she’s capable of more and reading The American Roommate Experiment felt very cut and dry.

I really can’t recommend this book and it pains me to say that because The Spanish Love Deception was such a hit for me. But if you insist on reading it, I hope you had a better experience than I did.

#book review #book blog #book blogger #romance books #bookstagram #book journal #elena armas #the american roommate experiment

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rayshippouuchiha · 3 years

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I read “[Naruto] made budgeting and math his bitch” and all I want to say, to ask, is to consider the possibility that he’s the one in charge of Team 7’s budget? Please and thank you for your time.

It takes Naruto a bit to notice it. Takes a while for all the pieces to line up just right for him to see it.

His team, as talented as they all are, are absolute shit with money.

They're up north, huddled together on the roadside just inside of Tomi, the capital city of the midsized island that makes up Gold Country, when the truth comes out.

Their mission had been long and draining and they're all looking forward to a ship back to the mainland and a stop at an Inn for a night before they start the trek back to Konoha.

The only problem with that plan is the fact that everyone is flat broke.

Everyone, that is, except for Naruto. Which the other three would know if they'd bothered to ask him instead of assuming he was just as broke as they are.

Because Naruto's wallet is basically still as fat as ever despite the length of time they've been gone and the fact that he's done his definition of splurging at the shops in Tomi. He'd put the few hours where they'd split up before meeting again to start looking for a ship back to very very good use.

Supplies were always cheaper for him outside of Konoha proper where the shopkeepers don't know him and he's actually allowed to haggle. Plus their contractor, an ancient silk merchant named Kaede, had taken enough of a liking to Naruto to put in a good word for him at the local shops.

A courtesy that she, apparently, hadn't offered to the rest of the team or maybe just one they hadn't bothered to take her up on. Naruto isn't sure which it is exactly.

But if it's the second option then Naruto's not sure what to think. He'd never turn a discount or chance to haggle down, no matter how small it is. He knows better.

"Well," Kakashi-sensei says brightly. "Looks like we'll be running to the mainland and camping until we're back home. Let that be a lesson to all of us to bring more money next time."

Sakura looks like she's on the verge of either tears or a tantrum and Sasuke looks as blank as always except for the slightly displeased curl of his mouth.

Naruto finds himself a mix of both of their reactions because what?

Bring more money? That was Kakashi-sensei's solution? Just bring more? Like what Naruto knows was in each of their wallets before they left Konoha wasn't a good six months of Naruto's regular budget?

And they've got relatively little to show for the fact that they spent it all?

How??

It's in that moment that the truth hits Naruto directly in the face.

He's the only poor person on this Team. He's the only one of them who has ever had to actually worry about money.

Sakura has parents who actually love and house her, all her mission earnings are pure profit. Kakashi-sensei is probably the shinobi version of rich with his rank and all the high-level missions he's taken. And Sasuke is absolutely the shinobi version of rich with the wealth of an entire Clan at his disposal.

When they run out of money they just ... go get more.

Naruto, with his crumbling apartment and trap-wire thin budget, lives an entirely different kind of life.

They can probably just walk right into the Konoha bank he's sure they all use, the same one Naruto's never been allowed into, and just withdraw more money.

Not Naruto. All of his money, whatever he's scrimped and saved for, has always either been on his person or hidden away in a hollowed space beneath his bed.

For a long moment, Naruto debates with himself. Considers not saying anything and just following along with Kakashi's plan.

But, well, he does have the money and they are his Team.

So ...

"I got this," Naruto huffs out as he holds up his still bulging wallet. "But we're doing it my way and you'd all better pay me back if I spend anything."

He doesn't bother to listen to their protests or whatever they might say or do. Instead he turns on his heel and stalks off towards the docks, intent on finding them a ride to the mainland that doesn't make him want to gouge his eyes out at the price.

Half an hour later finds them settled on the deck of a small fishing vessel, warm pork buns in hand, and Naruto not missing a single yen.

The hoard of shadow clones he has practically crawling over the ship ended up being payment enough for the weathered-looking woman who'd given them passage.

He ignores the way the others stare at him and focuses on eating his lunch, mind already ticking over what Inns he remembers them passing and what he could do to get them a night's stay for the lowest cost possible.

With him in the lead, they manage to make it all the way back to Fire Country without having to pay for much of anything at all. Naruto had bartered everything from his shadow clones to Kakashi-sensei kissing the back of some woman's hand to his own help modeling a kimono while waitressing in his female form at a restaurant in Blouder City for food and lodging.

He'd actually like that last job the most since Tsubame-san had not only let him keep the kimono but he'd made a small fortune in tips as well.

It's not until they stop at the Black River Inn, the last waypoint before they reach Konoha proper, that Naruto finally steps back. Much to the puzzlement of the rest of the team, he lets Kakashi-sensei step up and rent them a room instead.

Tatsuyomi, the man who runs the inn, is the brother-in-law of the woman who runs the Tree Bud in Konoha.

He knows Naruto on sight.

It's not until they're settled into their shared room that night, the others eating a hot meal from the kitchen and Naruto eating the last of meat buns the cook Akira had slipped him before Naruto left the restaurant in Boulder, that someone finally asks.

"How'd you get so good with money, Naruto?" Sakura is the one to break the ice. "Figured you'd blow it all on ramen or something by now."

"He didn't actually pay for much," Sasuke points out quietly. "And nothing full price. He traded and haggled for everything instead."

"Still," Sakura presses. "He's the only one of us who isn't broke and he managed to get us a stay in every Inn we came across on the way home. Kind of weird."

Naruto stops, stares down that the cold meat bun in his hand, eyes squinted almost closed and shoulders tight.

He forces himself to breathe, to let the tension flow off and away.

He takes a bite of his bun.

Chews.

"I've never had parents," Naruto finds himself saying.

Around him the room goes absolutely silent.

"Don't have a Clan or a guardian or anything either," Naruto's shoulders shift restlessly, nails biting into the soft flesh of the bun in his hand. "Been living off the orphan's stipend since I was four. The pay from that is ... there's never been a lot to go around. There's always bills and supplies so I had to learn to make what I had really count. Being hungry for a long time sucks you know? Never want to do that again, not after the first few times. Not unless I have to."

"Y-You get mission pay now though right?" Sakura says, voice low and eyes wide.

"Don't get the stipend anymore though, that stopped when I got my headband," Naruto shrugs again, uncomfortable in his skin for a reason he can't properly name. "And mission pay gets split so ..."

The quiet is thick around them. Sasuke is practically glaring at his bowl and Kakashi-sensei's knuckles are white around the edges of his book.

"But yeah," Naruto finally says as he pushes himself up onto his feet, half eaten bun in hand, and turns to hop up onto the windowsill, "I learned money stuff real young. Probably the only school thing I was ever really good at."

A flex of muscle has him out the window and sitting on the edge of the roof, feet dangling and conversation officially over.

The rest of the night and the journey back to Konoha proper is quiet.

The next time they go on an extended mission outside of the village it's Naruto who's in charge of any and everything even remotely money-related as soon as they pass the border.

And if their mission pay starts getting split three ways instead of four, well, Kakashi-sensei doesn't say anything so Naruto doesn't either.

#RayRambles #Naruto #Naruto Budgeting Drabble #CREAM AU

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linkspooky · 3 years

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Yuji, Alone.

I have been saying in my past few meta that Yuji has a really unhealthy way of viewing both himself, and his relationships with others. Yuji is excellent at reading the feelings of others and empathizing with them, and at the same time terrible at processing his own emotions, a trait he shares with Geto who he is once again paralleling this chapter by choosing to stew in isolation rather than reach out for support.

Chapter 138 does an excellent job of showing how deep these issues run, which I will explain under the cut.

1. Yuji and Geto

If I were to explain the unhealthy mindset Yuji has by simplifying it down to one sentenence, simply stated it would be “I want to help others, but I don’t want to accept help from other people.”

Both Yuji and Geto are so motivated by empathy they feel like they are responsible for solving other people’s problems, and they often use other people rather than themselves as a reason to move. They’re actually selfless to a fault. In that, it’s a problem in their behavior. They do everything they do for other peope, so they have no idea what they themselves want. If Gojo is someone who has a strong self image, a strong set of beliefs, an idea of what he wants to do to the world, Geto and Yuji are people who try not to think about themselves at all.

Not only does Yuji almost never critically exam his own motivations, but he also doesn’t think of his relationships with other people.

This is something Yaga pointed out as a danger with Yuji’s way of going about things, all the way at the beginning of his arc. If you’re doing it because your grandpa told you so, then is it really something you want to do? When you die, is it going to be your grandpa’s fault too?

Yuji is someone who seems selfless on the surface, and to an extent he is, but just like Geto that’s not all there is to him. It’s something Gojo called out early on, Geto presented himself as someone selfless, motivated entirely by using his powers to protect others, but he was also doing so self righteously.

To clarify what I mean by self righteous, Geto believed that he was doing something because it was the objective right thing to do, but actually it was just his own personal feelings. That’s why after Riko’s death forced him to critically examine himself, he realized he didn’t want to follow the rules of Jujutsu Society.

Both Yuji and Geto pay attention to others, but also have the blinders on in regards to themselves, and that’s the parallel right there. Yuji says he is doing these things for other people, that his number one priority is to save them but that motivation is even deconstructed in the third chapter.

Yuji’s not actually doing this for purely altruistic reasons, but for selfish ones. He wanted to do something that nobody else could do. Yuji’s life was like a vaccuum before this point. He didn’t have any real friends, or anything he wanted to do. Suddenly he had a purpose basically gift wrapped and handed to him on his lap.

Basically, Yuji and Geto both have this schewed way of seeing other people. They thing other people exist to validate their own existences.

To put it simply. If Hidden Inventory Geto helps weak people than he’s valid. If Yuji helps people, then he’s valid.

Not only is the way they view themselves built around how they help other people, but at the same time all of their relationships are built up on this as well. Relationships that are built upon shaky foundations will crumble apart easily when tested.

Geto’s most important relationship was with Gojo, they had an intense chemistry and interaction with one another like they were made for each other. They were both good at naturally balancing each other out, Geto was the one who stood up to Gojo and acted like a tether, and Gojo ackonwledged Geto as his one and only.

However, the relationship was also built on the idea that Gojo needed Geto. Geto was only able to view his relationships with other people in that way. Geto, wants to take care of people, wants to help people. However, eventually, he was left behind by Gojo who no longer needed him as a partner in combat. On top of that, Geto awoke to a higher purpose in ridding the world of cursed energy. Geto wants to be needed by somebody in the same sense that Yuji does, so for Geto at least being needed to save the whole world in his eyes, was just more important than maintaining his relationship with Gojo.

Which is why both Geto and Yuji’s relationships fall apart. They are great at making relationshisps, but not at maintaining them. Attention is drawn to the fact that the trio has great chemistry with each other and get along well, but they’re also terrible at communicating with each other.

"The seats... in my life... How should I put this? I don't want my heart to be affected by people who don't have a place there. Does that sound cold? Well, I guess there are also guys like you who brings their own chair and takes a seat." Translation by Miho.

Almost literally, I don’t want anyone who’s not a part of my life to try to talk to me or tell me what to do. Also the reference that Yuji is kind of different because Yuji just kind of walked into her life unannounced and invited himself there (this is how Yuji forms relationships with everyone.)

All three of them go behind each other’s backs and keep secrets from one another. All three of them avoid direct confrontation, Nobara even says she doesn’t really want anyone else even trying to tell her how to live her life. The Origin of Obedience arc shows that Nobara, Yuji and Megumi are all good at fighting together as a team, but also questioning if they have a healthy friendship outside of that?

Any relationship takes work, confrontation, arguments and even just plain old talking about things. However, someone who is primarily insecure in their relationships will not be able to do things. Couples shouldn’t only argue, but couples who never argue is just as unhealthy. If you are so afraid that one argument is going to end a relationship, then your relationship was fragile to begin with.

Yuji and Geto experience conditional relatinoships. In the sense that, they are only allowed to have friends, if they are helpful to those friends. They themselves are never allowed to ask for help. It’s true that Gojo was kind of blind to Geto’s faults, but also Geto would have never asked for help. Gojo could not see, and Geto deliberately hid things from them.

Geto always makes his relationships on the condition that he is needed. When Gojo grew more independent, Geto took that as a sign that Gojo didn’t need him anymore and deliberately started to pull away.

Because, Geto isn’t ever allowed to be the one who needs someone else.

2. Avoidant Attachment

This is just a personal theory of mine, but I think Yuji’s issues might even center around the psychological idea of attachment theory. Especially it’s since deliberately mentioned to Junpei, that Yuji never met his mother.

Attachment theory is a complex idea, but basically it states that attachment to other people, that is the idea to form healthy relationships with family members, friends, romantic partners is learned instead of naturally present in us. It’s a skill people develop in their formative years.

Those who show patterns of problematic attachment in childhood will continue the behavior into adulthood unless it’s corrected, because attachment is a skill that’s developed the same as anything else. Of the four categories, Yuji and Geto most resemble this one.

Avoidant attachment: Children with an avoidant attachment tend to avoid parents or caregivers, showing no preference between a caregiver and a complete stranger. This attachment style might be a result of abusive or neglectful caregivers. Children who are punished for relying on a caregiver will learn to avoid seeking help in the future.

Which goes further to explain how they can be so empathic towards other people, and yet the same time completely unable to maintain close relationships with them. It’s because, they avoid people at the same time. They don’t seek out help when they need it, because, deep down they view themselves as unworthy of the help.

Geto did not immediately break after the trauma of losing Riko, it was the year of isolation after that where he slowly was consumed by his regrets. Geto got worse and worse over a period of time because he couldn’t handle his trauma in any healthy way, until he just completely snapped.

During that time he asked himself the same questions over and over again, but Geto wasn’t able to find any kind of healthy answer to his questions because, he didn’t reach out for anybody. It wasn’t just the trauma, it was the behavior after the trauma, the decision to isolate himself for over a year. No one does well in isolation. You need other people to grow or develop. If anything Geto stagnated. Geto’s central flaw was his self-righteousness. Rather than realizing he was wrong and trying to change this flaw of his, he just doubles down and becomes even more self righteous. He goes from believing he’s responsible for protecting all the weak people, to believing he’s a superior being tasked with eliminating all the weak people in the world. So, it’s not really that Geto changed, moreso that he stagnated because he cut off all his relationships with other people.

And isn’t Yuji doing the exact same thing right now? Yaga even points out this similaritiy between Geto and Yuji, that they try to carry every regret and burden they have on their own.

It’s not out of selflessness that they do this though, but rather insecurity. Geto didn’t come to Gojo with his problems, because he wanted to be the strongest alongside Gojo he didn’t want to be weak. He was deliberately avoiding Gojo.

I think it’s important to establish that Yuji wasn’t abandoned by his friends this chapter. Yuji is alone, because he chose to be alone. He’s alone because he’s avoiding both of his friends, because he’s so, so afraid the friendship will end because it’s based entirely on the condition that he be a helpful, good person.

It’s true that Yuji is genuinely worried about his friends getting hurt because of him, but look at his choices. He’s not really tackling the problem in a healthy way. He’s doing everything he can to avoid the problem, isolating himself, and just trying not to think about things. He could try to talk with Megumi and find a solution, but he’s not doing that because he’s insecure in his attachment to others.

I think his reaction to Choso pretty clearly illustrates this too. Yuji isn’t around his friends because he doesn’t want to be around them. Which is tragic, because Yuji is holding himself responsible for the mass murder which isn’t really his fault. However, Yuji saw his relationship with both Nobara and Megumi as conditional to begin with. He can only be friends with people he can help, and he can never receive help from them. It’s unhealthy to start with because relationships go both ways. Yuji is also, completely unresponsive to Choso.

Yes. Choso suddenly walking to him and delcaring them brothers is really weird. I don’t expect Yuji to just suddenly start getting along with him right away.

At the same time, Choso explains what the unconditional love between family is between Yuji, and Yuji just doesn’t get it, because he either hasn’t experienced enough of it, or his grandpa the only person that ever unconditionally loved him is gone. Yuji can’t understand Megumi’s love for him is unconditional,. because from the beginning he sees all relationships as conditional.

Yuji and Choso are facing opposite direcitons because they’re opposites. Choso is willing to hurt complete strangers too, but his love for his family is unconditional and he will do anything for them. Yuji will help complete strangers, but, he doesn’t really understand unconditional love, and even his love with his closest friends has a few conditions.

Which is why someone who appears on the surface as such a friendly guy who makes friends everywhere he goes, can call himself “a loner” because in Yuji’s mind he is. He doesn’t have friends, he has people who need him.

Which is just incredibly sad because Yuji doesn’t understand this. Yuji isolates himself thinking he’s doing it for the sake of his friends, but neither Megumi nor Nobara would want him to be alone.

#yuji itadori #megumi fushigoro #kugisaki nobara #suguru geto #choso #jjk meta #jujutsu kaisen meta #jjk 138 #jujutsu kaisen 138 #jujutsu kaisen

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kaseyskat · 2 years

Text

this is very short but i was being emo over a tweet i saw and stuff and i just. marcy wu... man. sorry?

marcy knows she has it down bad.

she knows this. contrary to popular belief - especially at school, where her thirst for knowledge and desire for connections left her stranded and outcasted even in social groups she should, logically, fit in with - she’s not stupid about emotions. she’s sat through the same shitty teledramas that her friends have and thus, when she first wakes up with butterflies, she knows what they are.

it would be fitting, she thinks to herself, that someone as abnormal as herself would be abnormal in love too. what kind of person grows romantic feelings for not one but two of her best friends?

she tried to ignore it. she didn’t have time for love, not when she had exams, and her parents kept stacking expectations on top of her like a book added to the stack already balanced precariously in her arms. it wouldn’t take much for the entire tower to topple over, so she had to pull herself away from any outside influence to ensure that she wouldn’t trip and sabotage everything she’s worked so hard for. let alone that this isn’t her idea, that she never would’ve pulled away from her friends if she had the choice, that she feels helpless, drowning in her own skin as neither anne nor sasha seems to notice her floundering, and really, whose fault is that? they don’t know.

they don’t know.

they don’t know, because marcy keeps it quiet. she’s good at that, she thinks. she can say anything logical to the girls and have her emotions be excused. nobody questions this, because this is just how marcy has always been, hasn’t it? smart little marmar.

they don’t know how much they mean to her, how badly she wants them, how she longs for a day where they can exist together without boundaries, how she hates herself for drawing away from them and hates them more for allowing it. they don’t know because marcy won’t let them know, she’d rather bury her feelings deep inside of her chest where even she can pretend they don’t exist.

and this, of course, is where things just go wrong.

she had never expected for her emotions to be brutally ripped out of her chest as easily as they are, with callous words and a heartbreaking look in her anne’s eyes, and disgust in sasha’s, and the way they had both backed away from her. she had watched them go in eyes blurred with tears, and she has never cried as hard as she is here because why? what was the point of burying her feelings if they were just going to be ripped out and torn apart in front of her face?

marcy knows that she loves them.

she’s read, of course, how love is one of the most dangerous forces of all. love drives people to insane lengths, has them lie to the people around them and to themselves. love can heal and destroy, can build someone up and shatter them into pieces all over again. marcy had sworn to herself when she was younger that she would never let something as foolish as love do that to her and yet here she is, crumbling apart at the seams, sobbing because despite it all, despite everything she’s done, despite everything they’ve done, she loves them.

love makes you foolish yet, a voice whispers in her head, and marcy is inclined to agree.

she knows she loves them. it is that love that has her reaching out for them upon her awakening, time and time again. calling out for the two people that have never made her feel unwanted– except for when marcy was pulling away from them, and really that’s her own fault, isn’t it?

she can’t stop thinking about them, even when her world is falling down around her. she can’t stop thinking about them, even when she’s been stabbed through the chest and left to rot, when she’s been used for a greater purpose, when she is doing her homework at home or running away because she can’t stand the thought of moving on without them.

marcy wu loves her friends, and this is her greatest downfall.

interesting. andrias was not lying when he said heart and strength were your greatest weakness. it’s no matter; they were his as well. what did loving them ever do for you, wit? love has dragged you down, but don’t worry: we will set you free.

#kasey writes stuff #marcy wu #sashannarcy #god she loves them so bad #sorry its so short lmao im still very burned out

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lubdubsworld · 3 years

Text

The Devil’s Own.

Jungkook x OC

Mafia Au!

Warnings : Non-Con ! Manipulation, Degradation, Shitty hero with no redeeming Qualities you have been warned. ( i mean he does get better but not much.)

Summary : Just Mob Boss Jungkook doing mob boss things.

Chapter 1

“ Sign it. ”

I glared at him, feeling sick at the tone. The entitlement.

“No.” I said sharply and I could feel his anger swelling, morphing into something dangerous and deadly but I couldn’t care anymore. I was tired. Exhausted. This cat and mouse game had gone on , long enough. It wasn’t an even playing field, in any sense of the qword.

If today was the day I died, so be it. I would accept it. I would even welcome it.

I was done.

He had everything : an empire at his beck and call , enough money to pave the streets of Seoul in gold and an army of loyal associates behind him. His face was plastered on Billboards across the country , the President posted pictures of him on his fucking SNS and delegates from other countries had to wait weeks , just to get an appointment with the youngest billionaire South Korea had ever seen.

And yet none of those white collared dignitaries saw this side of him. The dirty, violent ruthless man who had more blood on his hands than anyone else in the country. My father’s. My brothers’.

Jeon Jungkook was both the most revered business man in the country and the undisputed king of Seoul’s criminal underbelly.

“You defiance only makes me want to break you in other ways Elena.” He said warningly and I felt my throat go dry. I stared at him, wondering how someone could look so expensively gorgeous and yet, like a hardened criminal.

The expensive silk shirt, the fitted slacks and the handmade shoes ought to clash with the dark ink that covered his entire arm and neck, the piercing on his eyebrow and the glint of metal on his tongue but it didn’t.

It just all came together to make him the most attractive man in existence.

I took a deep breath. Perhaps begging was the way to go?

“ You have my father’s company. You have my brother’s Hospital and you have the family mansion. It’s all yours. This bakery belongs to my mother. It’s all I have left of her. My sister in law is pregnant , due any day. She needs a place to stay and I don’t… I don’t have money to rent anywhere else.” I said desperately, thinking of the paltry wage I earned waiting tables. I could barely afford food for myself let alone for Jisoo and the baby on the way.

The bakery was abandoned but it had a roof. The furniture was crumbling but I could fix that. If I didn’t have to worry about rent, I could save up enough to make it livable. At least till I got a better job.

“I’ve offered you solutions for all of that.” He reminded me softly, eyes trained unblinkingly on me and I stared at him.

“I’m not going to be your whore.” I felt my voice shake.

He grimaced.

“You aren’t qualified to be my whore. And I don’t need one either. Whores are not my thing. I have a beautiful fiancée, don’t you remember? ” He grinned. I felt my heart ache because that fiancée was once my best friend. The only person I had trusted with my entire life. Lisa had betrayed my trust, had spied on my father’s operations and brought him down and I had the horrible, horrible inkling that she had also had something to do with my father and brother’s untimely death in a car crash.

But I couldn’t think about that. Every time I thought about her my heart broke and head spun, and I had to be at my maximum mental capacity if I was going to deal with her heartless fiancée.

“ If you ask me, you’re not fit for anything more than a back alley blowjob for a couple bucks. But Hoseok thinks you have potential. Join his agency, there are a lot of very wealthy men who have a bone to pick with your father. He made a shit ton of enemies. Most of them would love to fuck the defiance out of you. ”

His words felt like worms crawling all over my skin and I could feel the nausea churn inside me.

“I’m not signing the bakery over. You can call the creditors. I still have another year and half to pay the one remaining loan and they won’t come for me till then.” I felt my head begin to throb and Jungkook sighed.

“Suit yourself.” He stood up and I stayed still, watching his tall frame tower over me with ease. He gave me a small bitter smile. It was fraught with hatred and I stared back at him, knowing the emotion was probably mirrored in my gaze.

“Beautiful Elena. As pretty as the day you left me at the altar.” He smirked and I flushed.

“Your vengeance is petty and pointless and unfair…just like you.” I said angrily, frustration building u at his words. The way he talked about our broken engagement like it even mattered. It hadn’t even been real. We had hardly spoken and my father had called the wedding off at the last moment. But apparently, that had been the last straw for the Jeons. They had come after my father’s entire existence with a single minded intent to destroy him and they had succeeded. The man was dead . His two sons were dead.

But apparently it wasn’t enough.

Jungkook stared at me, slipping his hands into his pockets.

“Maybe. But it’s also deadly and potent. And it won’t rest until I see you reduced to nothing but a whore on the streets, spreading your legs for every man who can afford you.” He laughed. “ Saying no is a luxury , one that you’ll soon be unable to afford.”

I refused to be cowed, refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing that his words scared me. Because they did.

They scared me so damn much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This bed is so lumpy… I’m so sorry, unnie..” I said apologetically but Jisoo shook her head quickly, palms cupping my face as I held her elbows, gently lowering her to the bed. I stared at her feet, feeling my heart race at how swollen they looked. That can’t be normal, a voice whispered and

I didn’t know if that was normal and I had no money to take her to a clinic. The social center we usually went to only allowed three visits per month and we had used it all up. I wanted to throw caution to the wind and spend the thirty thousand won it would take but that would mean no groceries for a week and surely bread and eggs wouldn’t stretch that long, even if I could sneak meals in the restaurant for myself.

“I’ve been feeling a little dizzy…I’ll just sleep.” She said tiredly. She was thirty six weeks along, not due for another four weeks but her blood pressure was erratic. Her lab numbers were oscillating and there had been talks of an emergency c section. Even with insurance it was way more than I could afford but I had my own jewelry, a few expensive trinkets from my teenage years. I’d been obsessed with diamonds and my father had indulged me and I had a pair of earrings left. I’d already sold the rest but this would take care of the medical bills for the birth itself.

“My shift starts in ten minutes. I have to go. Give me a call if you need anything…” I said softly and I saw the familiar blank and listless look come into her eyes. I knew she was depressed, dealing with grief and pregnancy and loss but there was nothing I could do for her. Nothing. I had applied for a bunch of other jobs but they never wrote back. It wasn’t easy, being rejected over and over again but it wasn’t like there was much else I could do. And the truth was I was resigned to this, accepted that at some point I would have to take more loans and be stuck in an endless cycle of debt for the rest of my life.

And I had made peace with that.

There was no future for me. And I was okay with just surviving.

If only Jungkook would let me.

Apparently, watching me wipe down greasy tables and mop up floors and toilets trying to earn just enough to get a few square meals didn’t soothe his anger. It only fueled it. Jungkook couldn’t fathom that it had been six whole months of me on the streets of Seoul and I wasn’t completely destitute yet. I’d kept myself and my sister in law alive, safe and it pissed him off.

He wanted to see me broken and on my knees, begging him for help. The idea of me somehow surviving despite him taking everything away from me, it just didn’t sit well with him.

I couldn’t afford to have him as an enemy so all I could really hope was that one day he would wake up and give up. One day he would just wake up and decide that I wasn’t worth it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I walked into my shift and noticed a familiar pair of high heeled Louboutins , completely out of place in my seedy place of employment, I knew I was in trouble. Lisa sat against one of the booths and her gaze was fixated on the door which meant she was waiting for someone. And when her eyes narrowed at the sight of me, I just knew I was the someone.

She wants to get me fired.

It wasn’t rocket science and I felt the urge to turn right back around and leave. But I tamped down on it. I could get through this. I would get through this. Lisa and Jungkook got off on invoking reactions and I wouldn’t give them that.

Except it wasn’t that easy.

It was a nightmare, watching her demand and reject and walk all over me but the sleeplessness from the past few days made spacing out easier and I just stared away at the wall as she yelled and complained and made a scene.

“You’ve stopped fighting? Finally giving up? Good…” She hissed when the manager apologized to her and told me to meet him after my shift and I felt myself tremble in indignation.

“I won’t fight you or Jungkook, you and I both know I can’t afford to.” I said quietly and she went still, something flashing in her eyes for a second. It was gone before I could fully process it but it had been there. Guilt.

Lisa wasn’t a terrible human. She had been a dear friend. We had grown up together and she had even hugged and teased me when I’d been betrothed to Jungkook, all those years ago. I had been twenty back then, naïve and spoiled. While Jungkook had taken my father’s entire legacy apart, piece by piece, Lisa had been nothing more than a pawn. I remembered all the times I had let her home, how she would disappear for lengths of time.

Planting bugs all over the house. All over his office. Jungkook had been smart. Someone like Lisa, so fascinated by thr wealth she had grown up around would naturally jump at the idea of more. It wasn’t greed. It was human nature. And with her help he had destroyed everything my father had built over decades.

I shuddered. My father hadn’t been a good man. He had been greedy, yes. But he hadn’t deserved to die. And Jungkook would have to pay for that sin, someday.

“There’s a job waiting for you in Hoseok’s club.” She smiled cruelly , “ you don’t need this one.”

“The fact that you want to take it away from me, tells me that maybe there’s nothing left in you save.” I said blankly and she turned her nose up at me.

“I have Jungkook. I don’t need to be saved.”

I shook my head. She was so naïve. Men like Jungkook cared for nothing but themselves. But I wondered if women like her didn’t care for anything but the money that came with being his. Money was precious, I thought bitterly. I’d never realized how privileged I had been until I’d had it all ripped away.

“He’s the one you need saving from. And one day you’ll realize that.” I shrugged, not in the mood to offer her anymore life advice. If she was alright with being a trophy wife in exchange for a few pretty shoes that was her prerogative.

Before she could reply, my phone rang.

“Hello?” I asked nervously and I felt my heart drop to my knees when I heard who it was.

I turned on my heel rushing inside and my manager gave me a look of surprise.

“ My sister..she’s… she’s sick. I need to go.” I said desperately and his eyes narrowed. It was the worst timing. He was already annoyed because of Lisa and I stared in disbelief as he quickly shook his head.

“No. I’m sorry Elena…I just can’t let you leave like that…” He said sharply.

It was so unfair.

“I haven’t taken a single day off in five months…” I said desperately..” Please, she’s pregnant..She needs me, she-“

“If you leave, you won’t have a job to come back to. I can’t do this.. First you make trouble with a customer and now you just want to walk out in the middle of your shift without any notice…”

“Fine. Fire me.” I snapped, because I’d just had enough of it. I was exhausted, and tomorrow I’d go knocking on some other tore and I’d get a job. I lived in Seoul …How hard could it be? For now, I had to get to Jisoo. I had to get the hospital and things would be okay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t okay.

“I… You want to keep her in? So soon?”

“Her blood pressure is through the roof. There are signs of severe pre eclampsia and we want to get her started on a magnesium drip. Steroids to help the baby’s lungs incase we need to deliver…”

“Deliver..?” I couldn’t breathe.

“Yes, I’m sorry…. If her blood pressure doesn’t come down we’re going to have to deliver.”

I nodded, glancing at the bed where Jisoo was sleeping, her face swollen and I knew that she was sick. Really sick. She looked pallid and ill.

“Is she going to be okay?” I asked hoarsely.

“We’re going to do what we can… But I’m going to be honest, we’re looking at a c section, a lot of meds and also some time in the NICU for the baby…. Can you afford it? Your sister’s insurance only covers 80% .”

I blinked, completely thrown. White noise rushed through my ears, a dull throb settling right at the base of my skull and beginning to spread all the way to my arms and back. It was panic mixed wth anxiety mixed with despair and I couldn’t quite cope. The earrings wouldn’t cover all that.

“Oh… Oh..yeah.” I said dully, “ Of course I can… Let me just…. Can I have a moment? There’s somethings I need to do.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I carefully slipped the cash into the envelope, swallowing as I sat on the pavement. I’d got another call from the hospital, they had administered the steroids but Jisoo’s condition seemed to be worsening. They wanted to try inducing labour soon but they wanted me to pay for the room and for the medicines, and apparently, the earrings weren’t as valuable as I thought they were.

I fought nausea wrapping arms around myself as I stared at the cars whizzing by, the putrid city air clogging my lungs as I tried to come to terms with what was happening. Jisoo needed help. She was the only one left and she carried my brother’s son. I felt my throat clog when I thought of Daehwan. He had been a good guy. I had loved him. It wasn’t fair, what Jungkook had done to my family, I thought miserably .

And the only reason I wasn’t driven by vengeance or anger was because I was nothing like Jungkook. I hated him. I didn’t want him to live in my head, didn’t want to waste any part of myself on him , not even my anger. But it was hard when he wouldn’t let me breathe, always at my heels like a wolf : jaws snapping and blood thirsty eyes trained on me at all times. I couldn’t fathom his obsession sometimes. Surely, his hatred was uncalled for now? He’d taken everything from me anyway.

There was a dull roaring in my ears, one that said that this was not really a surprise. I’d thought about it way too often, had considered it countless times. Had even spent one absolutely horrifying evening scouring the streets of Seoul’s red light district just to see how sex workers behaved.

I’d also realized that in the face of desperation, dignity didn’t hold much value.

You are going to pay your debts on your back and on your knees.

The first time Jungkook had thrown it at my face, eyes glinting with glee, my stomach had rebelled so hard. I’d been absolutely infuriated, had thrown a vase at him. And it had been awful, watching him catch it out of the air with ease, his mocking laughter making my bones rattle as he shook his head, “ That’s how this ends, Elena. Mark my words.”

And it was pitiful , that he went through life so consumed with hatred and vindictive cruelty that he couldn’t leave me alone . He was pathetic. That’s how I saw him. A pathetic child who refused to stop tormenting the helpless ant on the floor although it was no match for his cruelty.

At some point Jungkook was going to win. And his idea of winning was seeing me stripped bare of the one thing that kept me alive : my freedom.

It had just happened sooner than I’d thought.

Because I knew what it would mean, to go to Hoseok. He would own me. Hoseok’s whores were all slaves, tangled in his web so badly that there was no hope of escape. He wasn’t cruel but he was smart. No one left the his ‘ agency’ once they went in. I would be lost, forever. And I couldn’t stomach it.

I stared at my knees, fists clenched on the fabric of my skirt. I grabbed my phone, scrolling through the contacts. I considered it carefully. I had to do this on my terms. Had to make sure I retained some sort of control here.

And I knew just how to do it.

Hoseok picked up on the third ring.

“Hello.”

“I need help.” I croaked out.

The deep chuckle made my skin crawl.

“Elena Gong. What a wonderful, wonderful surprise. What can I do you for?” He drawled.

“Well sweetheart, I’m all out of charity so you’re going to have to make it worth my while.”

I took a deep breath.

“I’m a virgin.” I whispered.

The line went completely silent.

“What?” The amusement in his voice died.

“You heard me and I’ll let you cash in on it. I’ll let you auction it off…” I tamped down on the burning protest in my lung, the screaming inside my head that said it was horrifying, that I was considering this. “ But only if you keep my terms.”

“What makes you think you have a say in that.” He said sharply and I laughed.

“I belong to your world, Hoseok. Did you forget that we were friends, once.” I whispered and he didn’t reply.

Laughter, kindness, a big brother I could always count on, hobi oppa, nine year old me with my fingers curled around his wrist as we ran all around the gardens , a smile so wide that he could spread sunshine on the gloomiest days. Different from Jungkook and Namjoon and Yoongi and the others. Willing to include a ‘ girl’ in his playtime. Lisa and I the only girls, not even fazed watching as the rest of them wielded toy guns and mock interrogation scenes, pretending to kill and maim and torture because that was the world we were born into.

“We’re not friends, Elena. Let’s get that straight. The only part of you that holds any value to me is th part between your legs. So tell me, what do you want.”

“When was the last time you auctioned off someone’s virginity? You know how much money you can make off something like that. Not just from the sale itself but from the entire night. Your club… Your gaming hell…. All of it.”

“You expect me to believe you’re a virgin. At twenty seven.” He scoffed.

“Put the word out, everywhere. If you find one man who says he’s slept with me , I’ll back off.”

“That would require me to tarnish your family name. And you’re alright with that?”

I smiled biotterly.

“Isn’t that what you and your precious Jungkookie want? To see the last living Gong, be labeled as a whore and a slut.”

He didn’t reply.

“I’ll give you that. You can do it… You know that will only interest more people. As Jungkook so eloquently put it, most of them would love to fuck the defiance out of me.”

“What’s the catch. What do you want. ”

“2 billion won.” I said firmly “It will be one night. One night only and I want enough money to pay off every one of my father’s debts, to get me an apartment for my sister in law and to support her and her baby for a year at least.”

“Done.” He said without missing a beat and I went still. What must it be like, to throw around money like that without a care in the world. And it sickened me that Jungkook was probably ten times as rich as Hoseok , the money my father owed him and his associates not even pocket change in comparison to his gargantuan wealth and yet, he stayed on my heels, snapping his jaws like a dog with a bone.

“And Jungkook doesn’t get to watch.” I said softly, knowing exactly what Jungkook would get off on.

That made Hoseok laugh.

“You know him too well. I keep forgetting he was madly in love with you once.”

I resisted the urge to vomit. Jungkook didn’t know love. He knew ownership. He didn’t love me, he thought he owned me. That I was his to play with…. For the rest of his life. And when my father had denied him that, just like a toddler in a toy store being denied a shiny toy to break and trample on, he had thrown a temper tantrum.

Except his tantrums always ended in death and destruction.

“That’s the deal. He doesn’t turn up there to gloat.”

“He’s heading out to Switzerland for a week , two days from now.” Hoseok said evenly.

“Good then. My sister in law…she “ I swallowed. “ She’s in a hospital in Yongsan. I’ll send you the address.”

“I’ll take care of it. But I want you here tonight. I’m not going to drop a couple billion won on your head without making sure I’m getting my money’s worth. And I can’t have you changing your mind and bolting either. My reputation is on the line here. If I put out the word that I’m serving something so fucking delicious and then back out, they’re not going to want to buy Hobi’s wares anymore. You understand what I’m saying darling?” Hoseok drawled and I knew exactly what he was saying. If I agreed to this, it was blanket consent for him to whatever he wanted.

“I won’t back out. I can’t. But this is one night. One night with whichever bastard you choose and that’s it. I want out. I don’t want you or Jungkook hounding me again. Ever.” My voice shook as I dug my fingers into my knees.

“My men will be there in ten minutes. Sit tight, princess.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stared at Hoseok as he carefully poured me a finger of whiskey, neat. He gave me a smirk and I shrugged.

“you remember.” I said casually, throat itching because it had been way too long since I’d had quality alcohol. I missed the burn, the warmth , the numbness that followed.

“Of course I do. You could drink all of us under the table with little effort. It was spectacular.” He laughed and I leaned back against the couch, letting my head fall back.

“I was half certain that you would have a doctor around to make sure I’m a virgin.” I stared at him and he shrugged. “ Pointless. You’re twenty seven, you’ve probably had stuff up there anyway… Not like your hymen’s still going to be intact.”

I thought it was rather horrifying, that I didn’t feel nearly as mortified as I should. This was how Hoseok talked, matter of fact and open and that was why he was so popular. Anytime an important person came into the country, Hobi was the one who offered entertainment for the night. Hobi’s girls were always the prettiest, most well behaved and perfect. They were educated, knew what they were talking about and he didn’t force them into the life. They loved it, enjoyed it and it showed.

Not to say he was a saint.

Far from it.

Hoseok knew how to dine with kings in castles but also how to wrestle with swine in the gutter. The seedy brothels in Seoul’s back alleys were his as well, and he ruled his kingdom with an iron hand. The prostitutes there feared him, one look or word enough to silence any rebellion, any thought of escape.

He was called Hope. And yet somehow that was exactly what he denied the women under him. There was no hope here. There was only lust and power and money. You came to Hobi…. You never left .

I took the glass he offered, taking a small sip, savoring the taste.

“But you believe me. I wonder why.” I watched him closely and he scoffed.

“Between your father and Jungkook, no one ever really had the pluck to come anywhere near you did they?”

Undisputable.

I sighed, leaning back to stare at him.

“Do you think dying hurts?” I asked softly.

It was frightening, how his entire body went stiff, eyes wide and jaw dropping.

“Elena, what the fuck-“

“Its just a question. You’ve killed people. You’ve watched them die… how do you think they feel?” I asked , curious.

“None of them wanted to die. If that’s what you’re asking.” The look in his eyes made me nervous.

I stared at him and the question was obvious. None of them wanted to die, but do you?

I didn’t.

“I’m not thinking of killing myself , oppa. Stop looking so horrified.” I laughed. He shook his head.

“ Don’t joke about that. It’s not fucking funny.”

I sobered up, remembering with a jolt. Ah, of course.

“I’m sorry. I forgot.” I said quietly.

Hoseok’s little sister had killed herself when I was seventeen. She was a year older than me and her father had lost her in a wager to a seventy year old man, known for torturing his bedmates. She had heard the news, taken a deep breath and taken a deep dive off the seventeeth floor of the condo where she lived with her mother.

I’d been engaged to Jungkook by then. And I had almost wanted it. Jungkook wasn’t old at least… twenty one to my seventeen.

“Just so you know, he’s going to find out. And he’s not going to like it.”

I shrugged. Three years is a long time to be preyed upon and now my mind was resigned to a life of being hunted. Hoseok was right. Jungkook would find out and he wouldn’t like it.

Good.

“I don’t care what he does anymore. All I care is that Jisoo and the baby are left out of whatever plans he has…. If you promise me you’ll keep them safe , I’ll cooperate.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a baby boy.

I stared, fingers itching to hold the baby but it was impossible, the little one whisked away to the NICU right after with respiratory distress and Jisoo had gone into a seizure, eyes rolling back into her eyes.

She as alright now, resting in a VIP room with the best care money could buy. Hoseok had asked me if I was happy with the arrangements, and if I would name the boy after him.

I stared at the room, large and breezy and filled with flowers and gifts, toys and baby stuff and I knew right then that I had sealed my fate. I was going to have to go through with this. I could imagine how much Jisoo would protest when she came to her senses. The only relief was that it would take her a few days to be good enough to fight or protest. But then this would all be over and done with.

Jungkook would leave this afternoon. His flight was at three.

I would reach the club at five. The patrons would arrive at seven.

One night, I reminded myself , staring at the gentle rise and fall of Jisoo’s chest as she slept, my fingers playing with the soft skin on her wrist. The IV line went through her veins and I watched the gentle drip of it.

One night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn’t know how auctions happened and while I’d been prepared for the worst kind of humiliation, Hoseok assured me that he wasn’t going to make me stand naked on some podium or something.

“Generally, I would do something like that simply for the flair of it but consider this a favor ….a respite because you were, as you said, once a friend.” He gave me an even smile and I could only nod in mute relief.

I was grateful. Beyond grateful.

And what was more, he hadn’t told anyone, who I was.

That stunned me. Because wasn’t that the selling point? The murderous, greedy mob rat Gong Hyo Suk’s only daughter forced to spread her legs for one lucky stranger? If Hoseok had cashed in on that he would have made a fortune. But he hadn’t. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Would , whoever it was be upset if he recognized me?

I was led to a bedroom, large and tastefully decorated with silky satin sheets and dark curtains and dim lighting that lit up parts of the room and left other parts plunged in darkness. Hoseok had told me to wear whatever I wanted and I realized with a pang that he really didn’t see this as some sort of transaction. He was trying to make it as easy as possible without making any decisions for me. Offering me choices and options and some illusion of being in control.

I didn’t have anything fancy so it was just a dress shirt that I borrowed from Hoseok. I’d left the underwear off, eager to merely get the whole thing over with. I felt a sudden overwhelming urge to laugh out loud.

If Jungkook were here he really would have lost his damn mind, simply because of how little this whole thing affected me. And that was it, really. He was always desperate for a reaction.

Earlier when this whole thing had started, I’d obliged him with that. I would scream, rant and yell….launch myself at him like a wildcat, scratching at him , fists flying and it was obscene, how much he seemed to enjoy that. He would press me up against walls and tables , fingers choking the breath out of my lung, just so he could see me struggle and push back.

He fed off from every negative reaction I offered him and it had taken me a long long time that the way to beat him was to become passive, unresponsive. I would go limp in his arms, stare at him blankly as he tried to manhandle me and that…that had pissed him off. Because that meant I wasn’t playing his game anymore.

If the prey wasn’t playing, the game wasn’t fun anymore. It was drab.

Boring.

And I knew that Jungkook kept raising the stakes, kept tightening the noose around my neck….just to bring that girl out again. The one that had wanted to put up a fight . The one that wanted to mouth off even with the muzzle of a gun pressed against her head. The one who would spit in his face in front of all his associates, even if it earned her a vicious strike of his hand across her face.

I shuddered. They weren’t memories I liked reliving.

Well, if that was who he wanted, I’d make sure he would never see her again.

The door opening made me jump and Hoseok came in , with a wide grin on his face.

“Baby…. Your guest for the night.” He said softly and I peered over his shoulders, my heart and mind grinding to a halt when I caught sight of what had to be the most breathtakingly beautiful man on the face of the planet.

I felt my heart begin to pound, fear taking over because this wasn’t okay. Not really. I was okay with old, creepy and disgusting , not able to get it up for more than ten minutes.

I wasn’t okay with someone who looked like they stepped right out of the latest issue of GQ.

Hoseok left quickly, closing the door behind him and the man stepped into the light, the brightness lighting up his perfect features even more. I felt my throat go dry, and fought the urge to get up and run. Growing up as the daughter of a mobster , I’d learned how to trust my instincts over appearances.

And right now, every single one of those instincts screamed at me that this man was absolutely dangerous.

“Well, you are beautiful. I’ll give you that. “ He said casually.

“Thank you.” I said stiltedly, watching as he tugged on his tie, pulling it off his neck deftly . Instead of tossing it aside , he wrapped it a bunch of times around his wrist over and over as he smiled at me.

“Don’t thank me yet. The only reason I like beautiful things is because of how easily they break.” He smiled. “ I haven’t been with a virgin in a while…. I miss the screams.”

And there it was the full blown panic that came with stark terror. I crawled back on the bed, staring as he moved closer and there was no mistaking the look on his face, the harsh grip of his hand on my ankle telling me that I was going to regret every one of the choices that led me here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hoseok wasn’t at the airport.” Jungkook observed casually, glancing at Yoongi as the latter finished cleaning his gun carefully, eyes fixed on his weapon with utmost concentration.

“He’s holding some sort of auction tonight. Some chick …” Yoongi said casually and Jungkook hummed. It was not the kind of thing he was interested in. Anonymous bids were often boring : actresses or female idols past their prime, desperate to make some money to survive. He had no interest in those but he was a little peeved that Hoseok hadn’t told him anything about it.

Hoseok was one of Jungkook’s most trusted friends. He was almost as powerfully rich as Jungkook and the only reason Jungkook reigned supreme was because Hoseok had no interest in challenging him for the throne. Hoseok was dangerous and cunning and loyal and Jungkook was grateful to have him on his side and he had hoped to see him before leaving. Just to ask him to keep an eye on Elena.

He grimaced, hating himself.

God, he couldn’t go two hours without thinking of her. It fucked with his head, the amount of space she took up inside him. Jungkook , for all his wealth and power, was driven solely by his need to prove himself. He wanted to be powerful and terrifying yes, but more than that , he wanted people to know.

He wanted people to look him in the eye and acknowledge him for what he was : the most dangerous man in the country. He liked seeing that fear, that worship, that admiration. He got off on it. He wanted it , craved it and for some reason he craved it more from her , than anyone else.

And instead of giving him what he wanted, instead of begging on her knees for mercy, instead of licking his shoes and begging for him to let her live….she ignored him. She looked at him with defiance and pride, her chin straight and her back unbending, her gaze locked right on him like she was his fucking equal….

And Jungkook, he’d taken a lot of insults. Taken more than his fair share of hits in life …..

But when she looked at him like that , like he was something stuck to the bottom of her shoe….

Fuck it drove him wild with fury.

It made him want to teach her a fucking lesson, to remind her that he owned her because he owned everything. To break her down, snuff out the flames of defiance that burned so bright in those ember eyes… Take her into his bed and brand her with his body. Till she was on the floor, on her knees covered in his spit and cum begging for mercy….

Because no one looked at Jeon Jungkook like that and lived to tell the tale..

“Seokjin’s here. Landed in Korea a couple of hours ago. ” Yoongi said casually and Jungkook smiled a bit at that. He loved his older brother, technically a step brother and growing up he had only saw him when he visited his mother in China. That meant a couple of months a year and now as adults, a bit more often because Seokjin loved Jungkook and liked to visit him often.

Seokjin was a celebrity trainer, working with actors and athletes and he did a good amount of modeling as well. He was rich, handsome and well liked and the only thing that gave away the Jeon blood in him was the fact that he was a sexual sadist.

The face of an angel with a devilish streak, he had a penchant for sadism and inflicting pain on his partners and while Jungkook didn’t particularly enjoy indulging him, he knew there were women who were into that and usually had them arranged for when Seokjin dropped by in Korea. His hyung’s visit seldom lasted more than a few weeks at a time and it was a pity that he would miss out one whole week of it .

But the issue in Switzerland was a little pressing and Jungkook had to be there in person to sort it out.

He leaned back against the seat, staring out of the window, sighing.

“An unsullied dove ….What the fuck is this shit..” Yoongi muttered and Jungkook turned, curious.

“What?”

“Hoseok’s been hyping up some new girl for the auction and Seokjin hyung’s bidding on her.”

Jungkook laughed at that.

“Jungkook…..” Yoongi’s voice is completely stunned, his eyes confused as he looks up at Jungkook.” Its Elena.”

Jungkook’s thought process came to a grinding halt.

There’s a sound between his ears, a dull rushing sound like the wind in a storm and he can’t quite comprehend what he just heard. Even Namjoon who had been buried in his laptop , looked up then, tugging an airpod out of his ear.

“Wait…did you say Elena?” His eyes were wide , lips parted in shock. Yoongi and Namjoon exchanged glances, no doubt bracing themselves for the explosion that was to follow.

Jungkook took a deep breath.

“Turn the fucking plane around.”

That jolted Namjoon out of his stunned stupor..

“Turn-? Jungkook what…. We’re on a fourteen hour flight-“ Namjoon began but the look on Jungkook’s face made him stop.

“DID I FUCKING STUTTER?”

Namjoon swore.

“Fucking hell… alright just calm the fuck down, Jesus…just put a fucking bullet in that girl’s head and spare us all the headache fuck…” He growled, unbuckling his seat belt and rushing to the cockpit and Yoongi groaned.

“ Let me guess you want me to get in touch with someone in Seoul and ask Hoseok to hold off on letting Seokjin near her…”

Jungkook glared at him.

“If you already know that why the fuck are you still here…” He growled and Yoongi gave him a look.

“Just tell her you’re in love with her and let us live, Jeon Jungkook.”

In love….. what the fuck….

He glared at Yoongi’s back, his asinine words making him madder. God he wanted to crush someone’s skull into dust with his bare hands.

And right now, in his head , that skull belonged to Jung fucking Hoseok.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What just happened?” I asked, frantic staring at the door as Hoseok’s men casually led a fuming Seokjin away while the man himself stared at me, looking pale as parchment.

“ Jungkook found out.” He said shortly and I felt my heart drop although I was half relieved because there had been something insane in Kim Seokjin’s gaze when he’d reached for me , a cruel glint of hunger that told me he would have hurt me really badly if Hoseok hadn’t barged into the room , frantic and worried.

He had given Seokjin a wide smile and then, “ I’m so sorry. We were waiting on her blood results and turns out she has a…. well, certain occupational disease that is very infectious.”

Seokjin’s mouth had dropped open even wider than mine.

“I thought she was a fucking virgin.” He had snapped, and I flinched at how cold and furious he had sounded.

But apparently there was a reason this whole thing had happened.

“What do you mean Jungkook knows? What does that mean?” I asked frantically, fear taking over.

“ He’s heading back here… He wants to see you.”

I felt my entire body go ice cold as I shook my head…

“No…fucking no bring Seokjin back here , he can fuck me that was the fucking deal, Hobi, please don’t../…”

“Elena , I’m so fucking sorry.. Seokjin…he’s fucked in the head…. He likes hurting his whores, likes making them bleed and he would have fucking destroyed you…”

I gaped at him horrified.

“What?!” I hissed shaking my head in disbelief.

“He’s Jungkook’ stepbrother. I’ve arranged whores for him before, I knew he was a little crazy but I’d never seen him before and I didn’t know he was the Kim Seokjin…fuck he outbid everyone and fucker looks like a fucking angel, how the fuck was I supposed to know he’s unhinged? Thankfully, I messaged Yoongi and …. Fuck… Listen… I know I paid for your sister’s surgery but you’re going to have to pay me back….”

I felt my body convulse in rebellion.

“I can’t.. You know I fucking can’t…”

“I can’t make an enemy out of Jungkook…. I can’t.” Hoseok shook his head. “ You can get out of here now if you want but I’d advise you to stay. If you run it’s only going to make Jungkook angrier.”

“WHAT DID I FUCKING DO TO HIM?!!!” I screamed, feeling my composure crumble into smithereens. “WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE WANT FROM ME?!!”

Hoseok flinched, stepping back and holding his hands up.

“Whether I want to or not, I answer to Jungkook. I shouldn’t have done this in the first place , I’m sorry Elena.” He shook his head and stepped back like the coward that he was and I wanted to hurt him. To shake him and ask him to fucking remember who I was. That I had nothing to do with my father’s sins . That I had been a fucking marionette in his hands, had wanted nothing more than to be left alone.

I stared at him in disbelief.

“So much for being a friend…” I whispered.

His jaw tightened. But he didn’t look guilty. None of them ever did. It was like guilt didn’t exist in their world. They did what they wanted to whoever they wanted , whenever they wanted and they got away with it because that bastard’s word was law. What Jeon Jungkook wanted, he got.

“I’ll get your clothes sent in.”

I watched him leave, the door slamming shut behind him and sagged against the bed, staring at myself. What had just happened?

Was I born to endless misery and misfortune?

Couldn’t I catch a fucking break?

I’d agreed to sell myself hadn’t I? Would have even let Seokjin hurt me if that was what he wanted. Because it was one night. It was one night of this…whatever the hell this was and then freedom. That was the deal.

The door opened again and I stared as a young girl brought me a pile of my clothes neatly folded.

“Do you work here?” I said sharply.

She blinked before bowing her head.

“Yes, mistress.”

I scoffed.

“Don’t call me mistress , I’m here to get fucked, just like you. Tell me does Jungkook ever use the women here.” I demanded.

She looked trapped, glancing at the door, clearly wanting to run .

“Tell me.” I snapped and she flinched.

“I..uh..yes. Sometimes.” She said softly.

“Can you tell whoever fucks him next to kick him in the fucking balls?”

The girl bowed deeply and all but ran out and I sighed, feeling myself shaking. Jungkook was on the way here and I wanted to yell and scream and rave at him but I knew that was exactly what he wanted. I wanted to deny him the satisfaction …wanted to act all cool and composed in front of him but it was impossible…

Because I hadn’t realized just how tired I was of this whole thing, till right this moment, when the end had been in sight. I was supposed to get my two billion won pay off all the debt , give Jisoo the rest of the money and disappear. I was so tired, so tired of this life I’d gotten trapped into, slaving over for hours on end just to afford a couple of meals a day. No friends, no boyfriends, no hope of a future …..

The door banged open and I jumped, crawling back when I recognized the man who had just entered.

“Yoongi-“

“Jungkook wants to see you.” He ground out and I swallowed.

“I need to get dressed. Please just wait outside.” I said shakily.

And then the door opened further and a tall looming shadow stepped in familiar and vomit inducing.

Jungkook looked livid, piercing glinting through the dimply lit room and I stared at him. He was dressed in a tight black t shirt, he sleeves stretched thin over his biceps and the tattoos stark against his skin.

“Leave us.” He said softly and Yoongi moved away to the door leaving me alone with the devil himself. I cursed myself for not putting at least my panties on, I was naked underneath this shirt and although it was big it left nothing to the imagination.

Jungkook’s eyes raked over my form before resting on my face.

“You think you’re smart enough to outsmart me, Elena?” He whispered softly.

I swallowed.

“Send you brother back in. He can fuck me and I’ll pay you back.”

Jungkook hummed, stepping closer and grabbing my clothes from the bed, he grabbed the plain white bra and the pastel pink underwear and then to my complete and utter mortification he brought the clothing up to his face, breathing in .

“Fucking pervert!!!” I screamed, feeling the action like a physical touch and wanting to claw his eyes out and the smirk on his face told me that this was exactly what he wanted but I was too fucking gone to care.

“If you want me to be a whore, fine. I’ll be a whore. But on my terms…” I spat out and he shook his head, laughing.

“I don’t just want you to be a whore, Elena. I want everyone to know that you are one…” He dropped my clothes and moved closer, holding a hand out. “ Come here.”

I stared at the inked fingers, adorned with sterling silver rings and bracelets with the motifs of his gang. I shook my head.

“No. I’m not playing this game with you.” I turned my face away.

His hand shot out gripping my upper arm with enough strength to bruise and I screamed, agony shooting up my arm and shoulders as he dragged me off the bed and onto the floor. I landed hard, hips and elbows bruising from impact and I stared at him in disbelief.

“I’ve been to gentle with you. You’ve forgotten your fucking place.” He bent over and grabbed me by my hair, yanking me to my feet so hard that it felt like my scalp had been ripped away from my skull.

“Okay…okay…Okay Jungkook..just…!!” I said softly, flinching because my pain tolerance was almost zero and Jungkook’s grip was so hard that my eyes were beginning to water now. He let me go, grabbing my panties off the floor and tossing them at me.

“I’m going to count to five. Put those on and get out.”

He walked out of the door and I stumbled a little fumbling with the fabric before quickly, slipping my legs in and yanking it up to my waist. I made to put on something else but his voice came, loud and impatient.

“Get the fuck out here.”

I walked out of the door and he was standing there next to Hoseok. I couldn’t meet either of their gazes , hating how they had so much power over my life. I stared at the floor. It was tempting to yell at them and scream but that never led anywhere.

“ I’ve asked them to stop the payment on the Hospital bill. Seeing as Elena hasn’t kept her end of the bargain.”

I felt my breath hitch at that, willing down the tears as I glared at him.

“What do you want?” I snapped. “ Tell me who you want me to fuck…. I’ll do it. Let’s get this over with so you can go back to whatever sewer you fucking climbed out of. ….”

Hoseok’s breath caught like he couldn’t believe what I’d just said and the look in his eye was a warning but I was sick of this. Sick of them all.

Jungkook turned to Hoseok with a laugh.

“You see hyung? See why I can’t let her go? If I let her scot free, everyone’s going to think I’m a pushover….that any worthless bitch can talk to me any way she wants and get away with it….” He shook his head, staring at me with a glint in his eye. “ I’m not going to choose. They are. You think you can charm your way into Hoseok’s heart and get special treatment? You think you’re ready to be a whore, Elena? Let me show you how a real whore gets treated in Hoseok’s club.”

He gripped my wrist, yanking me behind him as he stalked off down the narrow corridor that opened up into the club. I let myself get dragged out into the club dismally aware of the fact that I was wearing nothing but Hoseok’s shirt. I could feel eyes on me but I kept mine on the back of Jungkook’s head as he dragged me all the way to the front. I knew what he was going to do and at this point I was just numb.

There was no point reasoning with the devil.

I glared at him as he pointed at the stage. “ Get up there.” He whispered harshly.

I stared back at him, not moving. I saw Jungkook’s jaw clench.

“Either you go up there by yourself, with your clothes on. Or I carry you up there, after stripping you naked. What’s it going to be? ”

I glared at him, pursing my lips before climbing up using the small stair in the side. I moved to the center, right in front of the stage lights, so the rest of the room would disappear. I had no wish to see any of the bastards in the room.

“I think all of you recognize this little beauty here, don’t you?” Jungkook’s voice was cheerful, friendly even and I bit my lips, fists clenched. “ Well, if you don’t let me tell you . This is Gong Hyo Suk’s daughter. Remember that bastard? He put a hit out on my father. Killed him and my mom on the night I was supposed to be marrying his fucking daughter. A daughter who later called off the wedding, because I was too poor now, to give her the life she deserved. ”

I felt the familiar ice cold guilt in my vein. I was seventeen, I wanted to scream. I was seventeen and all I did was say what my father asked me to say, do what my father asked me to do.

“ That was nine fucking years ago… and you know what I told myself…. I told myself, that a greedy little bitch like this, doesn’t deserve shit.” He laughed. “ If money’s what she values the most, then the only thing she deserves is to be treated like the whore she is.”

“Why don’t you guys tell me, how much money you’d be willing to spend, to fuck her? Come on, Hobi’s been treating you guys so well lets help him make some money tonight… be generous. ”

I could barely hear what they were calling out but when Jungkook climbed onto the stage next to me, I jumped. Moving back instinctively, I winced when brought a forearm around my throat nearly choking me as he dragged up against his body.

“90 million won….That’s a lot.” He grinned. “ Jihan hyung….. that was you right? You’re gonna pay 90 million won for her?”

I felt my heart race, it was a lot. More than enough for the Hospital Bills, would even leave extra to get a decent apartment somewhere... I grabbed his wrist as it pressed into my throat, trying to pull his hand off me but he just wrapped his free hand around my waist, wrapping his entire body around mine and chuckling into my hair.

Jungkook pressed his head against mine and I froze, hating the close contact.

“Okay…but since I’m feeling a bit left out here…Why don’t I pitch in… 500 Won.” Jungkook said loud and clear.

I froze. An eerie silence fell over the club, laughter stilling and the clink of glasses slowing down.

What.

I struggled to get away from his but his hold tightened.

“Anyone else?” He called out. “ Come on… Not even thousand? Surely you think this one here’s worth a thousand won? Aren’t you going to outbid me?”

No one responded of course they didn’t. Jungkook’s anger was palpable and no one was going to get on his wrong side …..

“Ahh… is that it then? Bid’s going to close for 500 won then…. Hear that baby?” He whispered against my ears and I swallowed. “ 90, million won to five hundred won in a few seconds… What does that tell you?”

“It tells me you’re a fucking psychopath in love with your own voice… Get off me.” I hissed.

“No. What it tells you is that only I get to decide how much that body of yours is worth, not you. . You don’t get to go sell your fucking body behind my back for two billion won and then pay off all your debts and ride off into the sunset, that is not how this works….”

I went limp in his arms fighting tears because he never played fair. Never.

“Hear that Hoseok-ah… I win her for the night for 500 won…fair and square…. Is that alright?” He called out into the darkness and I felt the first inkling of dread begin to seep in.

“No.. No… get off me.” I hissed and he laughed, dragging me off the stage with ease. I screamed, kicking out in disbelief.

Jungkook grinned at me, before grabbing both my arms and yanking them behind me, and I whimpered, unable to move as he easily pulled me along to the door that opened into the hallway. Behind us I heard Hoseok’s voice.

“Jungkook, don’t be impulsive. Think about whatever you’re going to do.”

I flinched at that, panic building.

“He’s not going to do anything. I’ll fucking kill him if he touches me , I-“

“Shut the fuck up, you little bitch.” He shook me hard till my teeth rattled and I sobbed out.

“Jungkook…” Hoseok warned but he merely snarled.

“I know what I’m doing hyung, just…. Don’t disturb us. And make sure everyone here knows that she’s open for business.” It was loud enough to carry through the club and I felt humiliation burn my throat, acrid like acid.

I froze in disbelief.

“Jungkook …” Hoseok’s voice held a tone of reproach.

“ And tell them that her body is amazing. Tell them she spent the night with me , the best fuck I’ve ever had , mouth made for cock.”

I stared straight ahead as he pulled me all the way to the room we had left earlier and I tripped when he shoved me inside, landing on my hands and knees . I quickly rolled back around to land on my ass, crawling back as he slammed the door shut and locked it from the inside.

He stared down at me, mouth grim.

“You do owe me a wedding night. I was so ready to fuck your tight cunt, nine years ago… I think I’ve waited long enough yeah.”

I stared at him in disbelief. I knew exactly what he wanted me to do, to yell and scream and protest and fight so he could get off and forcing me…. Fucking psychopath.

I took a deep breath and nodded.

“If you pay for my sister in laws bills, and give me an apartment sure. “ I shrugged. “You’re not any different from any of the bastards here. I don’t give a damn which one of you idiots wants to rut into me like the absolute animal that you are…. I don’t care…” I said softly.

“you don’t? Really? You want me to tell you what your brother said when one of my men put a gun into his mouth…. He begged for his life…said he had a kid on the way….” Jungkook laughed, shaking his head. “I told him it was better than what his father did…. My sister was six months pregnant when his lieutenant gunned her down on the streets.”

I shuddered, wrapping my arms around myself.

“Why are you telling me this…” I snapped.

“Because she didn’t deserve it did she, Elena? She didn’t fucking deserve to die like that , like a dog on the street when she had nothing to do with any of this…. She didn’t deserve it.” He growled, bending down and gripping my chin hard.

“Maybe she did deserve it.” I spat out. “ If I deserve to be here, maybe your sister deserved to die too. “

He snarled, hand flying to my hair and dragging me up off the floor in one sharp yank. I whimpered as he pushed me on the bed, before climbing on top of me. I felt like every bone in my body was about to snap in two, the weight of him unbearable on me.

“I won the bid tonight…. I won it fair and square… You signed the waiver didn’t you…that you agreed to the auction…I won and I’m going to fucking collect.” He growled, and I kicked out, trying to buck him off of my body.

“Get off me.” I hissed. “ I’m not letting you fuck me for 500 won.”

“How about for your Jisoo then?” He whispered and I went still.

“What?”

He chuckled, reaching down and I felt my pulse pound as he pulled his phone out, dialing quickly and turning on the speakers.

Yoongi’s voice made me go ice cold. Everyone knew what Yoongi did for Jungkook.

“Daehwan’s wife is in a hospital room in Yongsan. Hobi’s got the details. I think she’s served her purpose.”

“No!! JUNGKOOK NO!!” I screamed , thrashing so hard my head began to spin but he grunted pressing down into me harder.

“Are you serious? I’m not home yet… I can take care of it tonight.” Yoongi said, voice casual and I sobbed, shaking my head in sheer terror.

“Okay… I’ll behave.. I promise.. please just don’t…”

Jungkook hummed.

“Well, that was easy… Yoongi-yah… why don’t you stay on the phone yeah…. Going to get that wedding night I’m owed and if my baby doesn’t co operate you know what to do, yeah?”

I bit my lips, glaring into the sheets as he gripped my waist, pulling me up.

“Ass up like the bitch that you are, baby.” He whispered and I felt my entire body shudder in disgust. It was worse because I hadn’t done this before. Didn’t know what to expect. But I couldn’t let him know that. If Jungkook knew that I was a virgin, I could just imagine how much fun he’d have with that info.

Hands gripped my wrists, pinning them to the bed and I turned my face away when I felt the press of his lips on my cheeks. He gripped both my wrists with one hand, keeping them pinned over my head and I flinched when I felt his fingers pulling the fabric of my panties aside, just enough for the blunt head of his cock to press against my slit.

“Yoongi, you there?” Jungkook said softly and Yoongi grunted over the phone. I felt my face flame in embarrassment.

“You’re a sick bastard but I’m used to it. What’s up?” he said casually.

“Remember how we used to wonder just how tight Elena’s cunt was… back when we were in school.”

Fucking monster, I thought in disbelief. I hate him I hate him I hate him….

“Good times…” Yoongi chuckled lightly .

Jungkook pushed into me in one hard thrust and pain shot straight up my spine, my insides burning like he’d fucked me with a knife and not his body. I couldn’t stop the cry of agony that got torn of me, my eyes tearing up and tears spilling over onto my cheeks.

“Damn Jungkook, she okay?” Yoongi’s chuckle made me want to claw his face off, and just the urge to kill was growing inside me.

“Well, I can confirm that it is, in fact just as tight as we thought…” He grunted, thrusting into me at a pace that was inhumane, every push and drag of him rubbing my insides raw and I bit down on the sheets under me, afraid that I would do something absolutely humiliating, like beg him to stop.

“Good, you should let me take that tight ass for a ride someday then. With her permission of course…. I’m a gentleman after all. Big on consent.” He laughed and I swallowed the urge to tell him that I would puncture his balls with a switchblade if he came anywhere near me.

“Oh, she’s going to do whatever I ask her to….aren’t you baby…” He grunted, “ Turn around so I can see you.”

He pulled out of me, his weight lifting off my body as he moved away. I couldn’t move, limbs numb and insides throbbing in pain . His palm landed on my thigh, hard and the sharp sting of it made me jump.

“I said turn around, I want to see your face when I fuck you.” Jungkook growled. I stayed limp, breathing hard and he grunted impatient, fingers sinking into my hair , yanking me to my knees and the movement made my legs scream in protest.

“How’s she so quiet? You fucked the voice out of her, kook-ah?” Yoongi asked amused and Jungkook pulled me by the hair, dragging me to the center and pushing me down till my head landed on the pillow.

“Hyung you should see her right now, all fucked out …. Like she’s never had a dick in her before.” He shook his head, “ Fucking slut. Take that off and hold yourself open for me.”

I stared at him, uncomprehending and he grabbed both my hands, placing them on my knees.

“Grab your knees and pull your legs back… So I can fuck that tight cunt the way I want to.” He said slowly, like I was a dog he was trying to train and I stared at him , defiantly.

“ Go to hell.” I whispered.

Yoongi’s laughter came from somewhere to the right.

“Your dirty talk needs work, Kook ah… Tell her she’s a precious little kitten and she makes you feel really good…. Bitches love that shit…”

Jungkook hovered over me, grabbing the back of my thighs and spreading them wide enough to make me whimper in pain.

“Is that so babygirl? You want me to tell you that? That you make daddy’s cock feel good?” He cooed, nudging the tip against me again and I had never hated anyone so much in my life. I stared up at his face, and he smiled at me, a cheeky little grin that made his bunny teeth stand out and for a second he looked so deceptively angelic and the glimmer of his piercing caught my eye.

I couldn’t help but swallow, gaze trained on the glint of metal on his tongue.

“You like that?” He grinned suddenly, sticking his tongue out for me to see, I felt my eyes widen at how sinfully good he looked .” Hyung she likes my tongue piercing.”

“Show her how it feels on her clit.” Yoongi laughed and I could barely fully process what I heard before Jungkook was crawling down my body, arms, curling on my thighs and yanking me onto his tongue .

I felt the press of his tongue on my slit, licking right into me and the jolt of pleasure was so unexpected, the pleasure so unwanted and yet so overwhelming and I couldn’t stop the way my body thrashed against the streets, lips parted as I practically mewled out in pleasure.

“Definitely a kitten…” Yoongi called out and I shuddered as Jungkook slipped two fingers into me , the ice cold press of his ring inside me making me jump. I wanted to pull away, grab his hair and yank him off but I couldn’t because it was

“Next time I’ll put the dick piercing in too, yeah? Fuck you with a bit of metal on my cock so you can feel that up there…. ” He laughed into my thighs and I screamed when he bit into the flesh there , hard.

“I’m getting bored… Either turn on facetime so I can at least jerk off to this , or I’m hanging up…” Yoongi called out .

“Hyung she clenches down on me every time she hears your voice… Just stay on for a few more minutes yeah, she tastes so fucking good, I’m gonna cum soon….” Jungkook added another finger, slipping in deep before spreading them apart inside me. I whimpered when he pushed his tongue in between the wet digits, licking into my walls and I could feel the ball of his piercing drag against my walls, ice cold and hard.

Was it fucked up that I did clench down on him again, my body apparently a slave to my base desires even as my mind screamed that he was the absolute worst bastard on the face of the planet.

“Elena, you owe me a blowjob at least for this…” Yoongi called out and I glared at the phone.

“I’ll bite your fucking dick off if you come anywhere near me.” I snapped.

“Fuck, I could get off just to that mouthy fuckhole of hers…..” Yoongi grunted.

Jungkook pulled away, climbing back up over me and lightly slapping my breasts.

“Now, how about you open that mouth and let me fuck it?”

Yoongi snorted from behind us and Jungkook glared at the phone before glaring at me again.

“Well?”

“You want to know how hard I can bite?” I said sharply, the pleasure ebbing away into nothing and resentment taking it place, the momentarily physicality of the situation fading and the reminder of who he was and who I was entering my sex addled brain.

“No.. You’re right…. But you know what, I’m not feeling it anymore. I was right.. you really aren’t qualified to be my whore. Your body…it’s frigid like a fucking popsicle…such a fucking turn off. ” He reached over and hung up on the phone.

“Now…”he whispered, leaning in closer and I yelped, when his fingers closed over my throat..” Shut your mouth and take what I give you like a grateful bitch.”

I swallowed when he pushed into me again, his pace steady as he fucked into me, eyes closed and I realized that he was almost fully dressed having just unbuttoned himself enough to get his cock out.

When he stiffened, spilling into me his eyes blew open and he locked eyes with me, wide eyed and for one horrible second he looked young and vulnerable and hurt.

I blinked as he pulled out, the sticky warm mess of his cum dripping down my inner thighs and onto the sheets.

“Well, that was much worse than I thought it would be.” He said and I stayed on the bed as he grabbed his phone and buttoned himself back up.

He smirked at me and then reached into his pocket.

I quickly pulled myself together, ignoring the aches and pains and getting to my knees before reaching for my dress on the bed. it was kind of pointless because I still had Hoseok’s shirt on and I wasn’t going to take that off in front of Jungkook.

“Well, I’m a man of my word , Elena so…here you go..just as we discussed.” He tossed a coin on the bed and I stared at the engraved 500 on the shiny surface, feeling my rage swell inside me.

“If you still want to work out a payment plan for your sister’s bills …. Why don’t you come to my office tomorrow?” He tossed his card on the bed before moving away to the door.

Fucking bastard.

Author’s note : My whole life is filled with regrets .

#jungkook smut #bts smut #ts fics #jungkook fics #bts fanfic #jungkook mafia au #bts mafia au

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