#/just this once let me be my own

[bonnie-toyour-clyde]

Just got to s13 in my rewatch and i never noticed before that when Sam’s alone in the bunker w Jack watching him try to use his magic (i think 13x3) he’s reading The Drama Of The Gifted Child which is book about discovering your true self after childhood trauma and repressed anger and the knee jerk instinct to become numb to cope with abuse etc and like…. I love that.

I love that he’s aware that he needs to heal his inner child if he’s going to raise this kid who everyone in the world will hate (especially his own brother, who Jack already looks up to and tries to mimic). And its beautiful seeing him confront Dean for telling Jack he would be the one to kill him when the time came (and it’s heart wrenching to watch Jack sitting on the floor behind the corner like a kid trying to listen to his parents in a screaming match while also staying out of sight to keep himself safe). But…

I also hate that we only see a glimpse of the book’s cover. Like I had to pause in order to read the title. And that’s ALL they give him in the later seasons to show that he’s struggling with all of this. With Lucifer being out, with trying to raise the antichrist to not be the antichrist (which feels strangely displacing, like Jack’s himself from 9 years ago and he’s in the role of Dean but trying desperately to do a better job of making sure the kid knows he’s loved), and losing all of the same people that Dean lost but not being able to grieve for them quite yet. He has soooo much on his plate (as per ush) and the writers refuse to give him any depth about it. Any trauma response other than a clenched jaw and scared eyes. They’re just like Look! He’s reading a book about childhood trauma! Can’t you see he’s traumatized?! and then only show it for a split second.

This is not to say that that’s a bad way to cope at all, again I think it’s amazing that he is reading this book and you can see that it IS helping him - but only if you squint. Its very subtle. Like he isn’t allowed to have upsetting trauma responses anymore, he’s too old for that, he isn’t the baby anymore, Jack is. And that’s really what breaks my heart - it’s the treatment of the (100+ years of) trauma from the cage and from the wall in his mind and from losing his soul as something he should be over by them. He’s a big boy. He can read a book about it, he’ll be okay.

Anyway I’m frustrated by the lack of care for Sam’s healing throughout but especially s12 forward

#idk. i just woke up and this was my first thought #i watched 13x1-3 last night and its just /: #he’s going through SO MUCH #but he has no one at all to talk to. definitely not dean anymore. #deans so blind with rage this season it’s like he can barely look at Sam #/just this once let me be my own #/from the grave #meta? #spn #Sam Winchester #abuse trauma #childhood trauma

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

finally at that age where i'm thinking i should get a tattoo. not bc i feel strongly about it, just seems like a waste not to. i've got so much skin i'm not using

#feels so selfish like. all this skin what am i saving it for? #open to design suggestions! (please make me regret this offer) #maybe some deep sea horrors. a pretty watercolor of a gulper eel #once saw a person on the subway with various Skeleton Tattoos on all their limbs #i respected their commitment to the theme #but more than that i respected how all the skeletons were engaged in Activities #dancing in a ballgown. juggling its own (and two other???) skulls. swordfighting. being a mermaid skeleton #ANYWAY. the only reason i haven't already gotten tattoos is i just couldn't be bothered #i'm old enough to know i don't have any strong-but-potentially-temporary feelings driving me towards it #aesthetically i prefer decorated to non-decorated surfaces. but i'm not artistic or thrilled with commitment #honestly it feels like sheer laziness. indecisiveness--nay. immaturity!--that i HAVEN'T gotten a tattoo yet #letting all this blank canvas go to waste. tut tut i need to grow up and be an adult and get a tattoo sleeve already. #really i've put off my responsibilities long enough #(in fairness i DID at one time have 18 different piercings) #(but i took most of them out bc they interfere with wearing headphones and/or shoving my face in my pillow during Sleep Time) #(i only kept the nape piercing bc oddly enough it ended up being the most convenient. and the least painful to get now i think about it.) #(neck piercing? no problem. normal pair of earrings? Tribulations And Suffering. i don't make the rules i just poke them with a stick.)

[canisalbus]

Hi!! I don't know if anyone has drawn this before (sorry if they have!! I couldn't find any evidence of it) but I have recently been plagued with the question of "what if Machete and Vasco were in Bluey?"

Well. Now we know.

To my knowledge, the only Bluey dogs who wear clothes are the ones in uniforms. TECHNICALLY Machete's outfit could count, but I left it out because it's not typical of a main character. He must be naked 😔

.

#oh GEEZ they're so cute uaugh #no you're the first to make this crossover! #once someone told me that my dogs and Bluey could exist in the same universe #and even though I'm getting my Bluey lore from second hand sources I think that might be correct and feasible #so you know #take that and eat it with your breakfast #it's great how it's almost justified to let Machete keep his outfit but in the end he must be naked 😔 #while everyone is on board with Vasco wearing only a smile #like yeah that tracks he doesn't seem to mind #I like how you managed to translate Vasco's gradients to a form that works with the art style #including the lighter chest/abdomen #also maybe this is an odd thing to say but I suddenly realized how monochrome they are #like their designs have very little contrast and are essentially just different hues of a same color #weird moment to notice that #thank you! this was so sweet #they're adorable #gift art #stafell #own characters #Machete #Vasco #I had sort of a rough day so this cheered me up a lot #cw needles #I had to go get blood tests done and this specific lab person had been really heavyhanded with me before so I asked her to be gentle #and she jabbed the needle into a nerve and I full on screamed in pain and sweated and shook and passed out for a couple of seconds #worst medical experience this far I never knew routine stuff like that could potentially hurt so immensely #I've never been scared of needles before and that has been sort of a point of pride for me #like at least I can do this one unpleasant thing effortlessly #but now I'm just terrified of that happening again #been feeling really weird/exhausted/nauseous all day and the arm still feels weak and tingly so I'm going to bed early tonight

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 39

a redraw from a couple years back that was originally a redraw from 2014 so thats a FULL DECADE OF PROGRESS, BABEY!!

#day 39 #year 5 #terezi pyrope #homestuck #the thing about the image description project. and going through the backlog. #is that it really incentivizes me to do a lot of redraws because then i can reuse large portions of the descriptions for Old Art #making minor tweaks to account for the differences #as opposed to writing. just so much alt text #heres the thing about writing image descriptions for my OWN art: it makes me think way more about like. #what parts of the piece are vital and which parts aren't #because obviously you wanna give as complete a description as possible #but you also dont want to take up a whole bunch of a persons time rattling on about shit they dont care about. like. #idk! it's an interesting exercise and im still getting a handle on that balance i think #once again let me know if im not hitting the mark

[ducks-love-peas]

Good Omens s2 e2 | minisode A Companion to Owls

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens 2 spoilers #aziraphale #crowley #job #sitis #bildad the shuhite #(gotta give him his own tag) #s2e2 'the clue' #minisode 'a companion to owls' #goodomensgifs #goodomensedit #idk just a collection of shots i liked/wanted to edit #a *truly unhinged* amount of work went into the last gif and you can barely tell it's moving T_T #but once my brain has An Idea it will not let go #(the actual shot is a slow zoom out but i didn't want it to move #so i ... did a lot of resizing work on individual frames... #if only i could apply that sort of dedication to something that makes me money lol) #gifs #i made this

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

when you mentioned in your tags that there was hardly any laughingstock i didn't believe you at first, but holy shit ur right. YOU AND @krasytoonz MADE ME INTO A LAUGHINGSTOCK BELIEVER. I WILL PAY TRIBUTE TO THESE SKRUNGLY FUCKERS SOON, MARK MY WORDS *shakes fist into the void*

no yeah Seriously though its just us out here, fighting for our lives in the fucking Trenches. in ten years someone is gonna use the word 'laughingstock' casually in conversation and im gonna have War Flashbacks

#no please get out while you still can #once you let them in all the way They Will Not Fucking Leave they are There Forever #the inside of my brain is just me huddled in a corner while they make out in the middle of my skull #BUT YEAH THERES BARELY ANYTHING #trust me whenever krasytoonz posts them i am instantly there to ravenously devour the crumbs like a rabid pigeon #they are my only outside source of barnaby/howdy #them and the side plot in Stamps by Indigopoptart on ao3 #oh the side plot my beloved.... im still starving but sometimes they trick me into feeling like im Feasting.... #and that one tidbit in Beautiful Boy Its Only Love by ImaginatorOf Things - also on ao3 ofc #and thats IT thats ALL I HAVE. all We have #shoving my entire fist into my mouth and biting it off while sobbing. screaming. etc. #oh the pain and joy of rarepairs... its been a while since ive been so taken with one... #who knows? with the power of friendship and this gun i found maybe one day it wont just be viewed as a crackship by the masses #rambles from the bog #gotta be honest. krasytoonz also converted me all the way #like i was tenuous about it at first... #it was just a Thought yk yk #i was like 'oh thats cute but like. as a side thing. a background thing. they dont have much going for them' #i think that was because i had nothing to enjoy outside of my own brain #i liked the very rare very jokey crumbs from a couple of clownsuu's posts #but it wasnt enough to make me go Theyre Mine Now #then i stumbled upon krasytoonz and one scrolling session later! i was fully hooked! just like that! #laughingstock went from a nebulous interest to a Permanent Fixture In My Braincase! #but yeah uhhhhh glad i could contribute to passing on the Illness #if you ever get free i will envy you #and to future me: if youre free i envy you as well. but i also pity you bc theyre so so good theyre so cute whats wrong with you- #i hate them & i love them & theyre nothing & theyre everything & they wont leave & ive locked the door

[3amsnek]

more aro week dragon! he’s very enthusiastic about his job <3 (flags: aromantic, demiromantic, cupioromantic, aroace, greyromantic)

click for better quality

reblogs >> likes! please don’t like if you don’t rb

#aro week #aromaticism #aromantic week #aro pride #aro #aromantic #aromantic spectrum #arospec #demiromantic #cupioromantic #greyromantic #aroace #pride art #my art? #i don’t usually draw the cozy guys more than the once but this one Demanded it #if you want a version w a different arospec flag shoot me an ask or a dm and I’ll make it these r just what I came up w & then insta q box #yes I did get the demiro colors mixed up Again and yes it is My Own Flag I don’t. idk why it will not stick in my brain right #these all Should be right I checked three times but. again let me know if there’s another (arospec) or if I got something mixed up #also all of my cozy pride beans use any and all pronouns whatever you want them to have im just usin he for this one this time #i cannot put a link into this for some reason? i just wanted to hook it to their other art I’ll try again right after I post #anyways. i had a wood glue epiphany today and my brain is in Wonky Town so sorry for and weird ramblings but HAPPY STILL ARO WEEK #hopefully I’ll be able to get my last thing done to post Friday or Saturday :3 hopin hoping

[oifaaa]

Like obviously there's a ton of reasons why jason just didnt kill joker in utrh or in any subsequent comics after, first and foremost being that he's dc's little cash cow, but I always did like the in universe explanation being that Jason himself doesn't want the joker to die

Not bc the joker is important to Jason in anyway shape or form quite the opposite in fact, joker dying wouldn't benefit Jason bc the joker doesnt matter to him outside of being a living constant reminder of Bruce's failure that can be used to hurt both himself and bruce, if jokers dead then the healing process can start and Jason doesn't want that he wants to be angry and hurt

So Jason doesn't go kill Joker to get revenge bc he already got his revenge when he beat Joker with a crowbar in utrh and killing the Joker himself wouldn't bring him any more catharsis since he doesn't really care about the clown outside of using him as a prop in his ongoing feud with Bruce

#dc #jason todd #joker #bruce wayne #once again and always the joker as an individual should not matter to jason #and jason definitely shouldn't currently be a side character in a joker comic #ignore me tho #it just annoys me #that like obviously jokers not gonna die anytime soon #so when you refocus jasons anger onto joker #instead of Bruce #and have jason have all this energy into killing a character that for outside reasons is unkillable #you make jason look stupider less skilled and trap him into a never ending cycle #just let him be free #joker has enough people who wants him dead #i need jason to never be near joker again #for my own health

[moeblob]

Hey so I have to inform you all because I am morally and legally obligated to inform people about this movie -

I have told you before that Clue (1985) was available on Amazon Prime and today I have even better news. I don't know when it was added BUT ! it's FREE TO WATCH (with ads) ON YOUTUBE !

Also it's my favorite movie (this doesn't matter I just have to say it).

Also also just because I found this out five minutes ago it was released on Dec 13, 1985. Which was a Friday. A movie about a board game about murder released on Friday the 13th ? Truly a move of all time.

EDIT: Someone wanted to know if you can watch it with adblock on and hey! You can! (I have watched it problem free)

#moe talks a lot #not art #haha get it a move of all time cause it is ... based on a game..... moves..... #anyway hello please I am requesting people to consider watching this movie i own it twice on dvd and once digitally #and will probably watch it on youtube with ads just because i can because its worth it and i want to enjoy it everywhere i can #until the day i die i will try to open a door incorrectly and my brain will scream at me #LET US IN LET US IN ! - LET US OUT LET US OUT ! #thinking about that time i asked a guy his bday and it was dec 13 and im like oh cool just like this other worker #and he widened his eyes and informed me ITS ALSO TSWIFTS BDAY #and now i am regretting being unable to plug my favorite movie to two men who both knew that tswift had the same bday #i had a CHANCE to say OH DEC 13 THE SAME DAY AS MY FAVORITE MOVIES RELEASE YOU SHOULD WATCH IT #gosh i really will plug this movie to everyone

[uncanny-tranny]

One of the great things about fiber arts (at least to me) is that... you outright own the things you make. It's hard for me to comprehend actually owning something, and that's that. The item you have created doesn't need to come with strings attached (pun intended).

In a world where you are constantly buying things but not owning any of it, truly, it's such an odd experience to actually have ownership of your labour, time, and love like that.

#art #fiber art #crochet #honestly that's how i feel with my blanket still #like i don't own my subscription to spotify or the games i virtually purchased fullprice (which. why)... #...but when i get my yarn and i use the crochet hook i have been abusing a little i OWN the things it and i make #that's honestly kind of intimidating to me because i haven't truly felt i owned anything. like not even my life. it's a problem. #i just got some pretty yarn to use for a cardigan. they told me to use acrylic but i can't wear acrylic and i like cotton #<it's insane that i can just Decide to not use the pattern recommendations. like that's still crazy to me #anyway fuck capitalism and adopt a craft if you can #it's SUCH a freeing experience and it will make you feel crazy once you know what it feels like to actually own your labour. lol. #like it doesn't matter WHAT craft it is. could be knit. could be wood burning. could be abstract car manufacturing... #...as long as you can do it safely to your standards and you are satisfied and fulfilled with it then it can change you. let it change you.

[bonefall]

Firestar getting treated to a character assassination after The Darkest Hour is my villain origin story tbh

You can see the EXACT moment where the brain worms go terminal when Tigerstar dies in front of him, and he starts going "oooga booga he was strong and noble and had good traits... well need him to fight all these evil foreigners..." Just ceremorphose already, this is #NotMyFirestar

#Fennelposting #Bone babble #I know some ppl like the idea of him being broken over time by a cruel system and becoming an enforcer of what once bound him #But I Don't. #It just reminds me of how the Erins were were so scared of ever challenging the status quo that their own books scared them lmaoooo #They had to GO BACK and retcon a bunch of excuses for why uhhh everyone was just mislead they really did love their clans :( #If it's your thing I get it. But it just makes me think of how they massacred my boy y'know? #I prefer the idea of killing him earlier. Let the leaders live with this sudden and violent change in leadership #Talk about how radical people like Fire aren't ALLOWED to hold power for long in such a system

[bonnie-toyour-clyde]

spn 12x01 - keep calm and carry on // t.s.eliot - preludes

#im reading elliot for homework and this line just #i was immediately like #surely i have a photo saved of sam looking miserable #and i was right #this poor fucking guy #infinitely gentle infinitely suffering thing #poetry #ts eliot #web weaving #kind of #lite web weaving #/just this once let me be my own

[mattodore]

finished making the hair ties i wanted! plus now theo has them too since they’re for his hair anyway :)

#river dipping #ts4 #ts4 edit #matthias evanoff #theodore doe #echthroi #once again there was no need for me to edit these screenshots i just really like doing it <3 #they look so handsome....... #all together there are nine versions! theo has a left and a right version for the hair ties #but matthias just has a left version (since i made his first! i could go add a right version for him but he's left handed anyway) #there's one version where it's both hair ties like in that pic of matthias vs. the separated versions of the hair ties like in theo's pic #i know i've made my own preset and my own poses / scars / moles / tattoos but i've never done anything with mesh editing!! #well... i did fix that muzzle cc that matthias wears so that it fits his face properly... which!!! now that i know how to mess with uvs #like... i can actually take the mesh of the muzzle and properly fit it to his nose bridge and everything... gahhhh #i'm so pleased!! i've already tested the hair ties in game too since jerma was just streaming so i had something to watch #i just spent the first hour or so of the stream making theo's left wrist hair ties and then the rest of the stream playing in game #no glitches or bugs that i know of! success!!! #also modeled these hair ties off the hair ties i use... i actually have one on my wrist rn and let me just say... they look the exact same

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

something about characters who never ask for help; never ask for anything for themselves, and the slow build to them experiencing an inescapable loss of something or someone, which is really just an overpowering burden of the heart, which is really a loss of control, which is really just a set up for something they can no longer handle, cannot drag it forwards any longer, being pulled backwards now by a force too great to offset alone, and really, they didn't actually want to be alone, did they, but they will be again soon, and they are helpless to change this, and now all they can do is ask or beg or plead for someone, anyone, who might be able to help them or prevent this loss, where they could not. maybe this final plea is really just a vocalization of what they actually wanted or needed all along. maybe it's too late now. i'm biting things

#storyrambles #please someone go insane with me #yes hello i am once again thinking about trigun maximum volume 10 #but just fyi this is the easiest way to make me go feral about a character #bonus points if the reason they never ask for anything is because they feel they don't deserve it or they have to 'earn' it. augh #let's not examine what this might say about my own psychology too closely on this one ok?

[boydykedevo]

just curious if there's a consensus here so:

Specifically THEME music, this isn't about the rest of the soundtrack (or the rest of the campaign for that matter). I’m excluding Balance both so as not to bias the results, and cuz the theme’s not original music.

Linky links under the cut in case anyone needs a refresher (listen to all of them before voting if you can!) Also feel free to listen to them all and vote even if ur not in the fandom! ^^

Commitment

Amnesty

Dust

Graduation

Ethersea

Steeplechase

#once again if i missed a campaign that has its own original theme let me know so i can delete my account in shame #taz #the adventure zone #taz commitment #taz dust #taz graduation #taz ethersea #taz steeplechase #icarus is talking #personal answer is as much as the amnesty and ethersea themes are just AMAZING. and the grad one has made me cry lmao #I have to admit steeplechase superior!

[tacogoats]

Thinking about a Durge who has rejected Bhaal, and whatever person they used to be, but still secretly longs for their lost memories. A Durge that, despite the answers the man could give them, would never re-ignite that strange passion they were shown they once had for Gortash. A Durge that has, for all purposes to the others in their party, moved on. A Durge that, six months after that day atop the Netherbrain, at a party celebrating their new life, receives a strange letter with an even stranger gadget hidden inside.

The meeting at the inauguration was a strange one. Despite Gortash's very obvious elation at seeing what he'd called his 'dearest friend', the man had no hesitation very proudly detailing the Dark Urge's grand scheme; their grand design for the world to be.

In front of all their friends and 'new' lover, of course.

They were furious, and rightly so. Gortash must have known what he was doing. To isolate them, to bring them back to him. The person who accepted them for all they were, all they are, and all they could be - together.

It wasn't enough to win the Dark Urge back to him, and although they'd tentatively teamed up in the end - he had died. Not by the Urge's hand, but in some ways, his own. The group had left Gortash's body within the Prism, and simply moved on. There were bigger problems, and no one really was sad to see him go. Right?

The Urge remembers a letter found in Moonrise Towers. Gortash liked gadgets, according to Ketheric. Evidence was abundant enough with the Steel Watchers, among other things. The item is strangely shaped, entirely too small, and with a simple touch, comes to life.

It reminds them of the strange picture they had seen at the Iron Throne. Gortash's visage shone through a glass, moving, talking - warning them to leave. Answering them, praising them for listening.

What a strange contraption, they'd thought all those months ago.

And then, now, there he was again. A picture, in their hand. A moving picture. Speaking with his voice, wearing his weary face - so, so weary - but not the same as before.

This had passed already. The voice did not answer them this time. It was simply impossible - the man was dead, but not quite gone in this moment.

He speaks of the inauguration like it had just happened. His joy at seeing his favourite 'assassin' again, which he says with a sad smile and a moment of silence. A heavy sigh follows, rubbing at his eyes - which they can see are so much darker than they last remember.

He is tired.

Gortash speaks of their time together, before Orin - and how Orin torments him day and night now that they had both confirmed the Urge's return. She appears with their face, taunting him some days. Other days she sends assassins that wear the same, and he simply cannot let his guard down anymore. But he knew it was them that day.

They can see the exhaustion that pulls down his features, makes his words heavier. This is not the Archduke speaking to him in this moment - it is a tired, broken down man that has just seen a ghost.

Yet they cling to every word anyway, because even though this is a broken down man who is terrified of the ghost - the man still hopes the ghost will remember him, too.

They don't. But he doesn't know that, not this little picture of him, anyway.

The picture says that if they are seeing this recording, it means he is already dead - and although he had planned to sway them back to his side, he may not have been given the chance, and refuses to allow the opportunity to share what the two of them once had slip away.

He would gift unto them the memories that he could, even beyond death. The bloody ones, the happy ones, the painful ones.

And he talks, he smiles, he even cries.

And so do they.

#durgetash #dark urge x gortash #i dont usually write gushy things but i am trying to write fic of this i need to yell a bit #this has been sitting in my drafts i release it to the world now #dont look at me im cringe #i just think that my own dark urge would always long for their memories despite withers's warnings and #knows that gortash is the only person who could give it to them and selfishly sides with him because of it #and when gortash dies he knows all is lost. and accepts it. he has a new life now. its okay. (its not okay) #and when they see that funky lil thing in the letter They Know. They KNOW it's from That man #and there's a moment of hesitation as those words from withers flash in their mind again but nope fuck it. selfishness wins. #and even though the man was a monster - they were once eachother's monsters and - there are his answers. some of them anyway. #and he can finally let go of that : ) #i dont have a writing tag nor do i want one rn this is a rarity for me #bg3 epilogue spoilers #minor spoilers but still