#[ i had a lot of fun writing kyla ]

[thegrimdog13]

Star au headcannons pt.1

If you want more just tell me! Again this is not related to any of my other aus and will have different designs.I also want to come out with some art for it soon! Love you all ❤️

______________________________________________

Jeff-  

•The fans call him Jeff the killer because he kills it on stage and the ladies, men, and others lol

•Jeff is a bitch to everyone and needs everything to be perfect 

•Jeff loves the attention

•Jeff has a preference towards woman so he often is like ohhhhh let that one on stage or take her backstage.

•Jeff did this to Nina once and after she became obsessed. Nina then became a pop star so she could be close to him at events.

•Jeff’s rock band wears fun makeup like kiss ( but it is like there regularly designs so Jeff has a smile painted on his face and EJ has black tears same with Lulu except hers are red.)

Stuff close to what Jeff would write or play-

•Falling in reverse- Good girls like bad guys

•Mötley Crüe- Dr. Feelgood

•Ozzy Osbourne - crazy train

•Green Day- boulevard of Broken dreams

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Nina-

•Nina stole the killer part from Jeff because she is obsessed.

•She loves Jeff’s music (Jeff does a lot of rock and emo like music. )

•Nina loves pop too and does scene music to get Jeff’s attention.

•Nina really leans into pop with her outfits but tries to add in some scene girl vibes.

•Nina moves a lot on stage like dancing and bopping around

•Nina copied Jeff a little with the smile but instead drew her lip stick into a smile.

Stuff close to what Nina would sing-

•Tessa Violet- Crush

•Bebe Rexha- I’m a mess

•Katy Perry-Hot n Cold

•Savannah Lee May-All eyes on me

•Never shot never-Happy

•lady Gaga- paparazzi

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Jane-

•Her stage name in Jane everlasting but it used to be Jane the killer when she was in a band with Jeff.

•She refuses to sing anything rock and metal

• Jeff and her had a call out when he was being a bitch to her and she was tired of his crap.

• She hates talking about anything about Jeff and when interviewers asked her about it she freaks out

•She mostly sings sad and inspiring songs

•She just hates Jeff lol

Stuff close to what Jane would sing-

• Alicia Keys- Underdog

•Kyla Jade- you don’t own me

•Adele- Hello

•Adele-easy on me

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Eyeless Jack-

•EJ puts up with Jeff better then anyone else he gets pissed at everything but Jeff some how

•EJ is basically feeds Jeff’s delusions while Liu is just like shut fuck up Jeff.

•EJ is as nice as he can be until someone annoys him then he will break his drums and Jeff will be pissed. He would say why the fuck EJ those are expensive and then EJ would just be like I’m sorry Jeff and beg for forgiveness lol.

•EJ is basically Jeff’s Boyfriend without being his boyfriend he will bring Jeff flowers before shows and simp for him and Jeff will be like cool attention.

•EJ is just like notice meeee twenty four seven towards Jeff but Jeff is oblivious.

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Ticci Toby and Clockwork-

•Literally Idiots they make jokes on stage before they start singing

•Toby plays the ukulele sometimes probably

•Clockwork will sing a sad song and make raunchy jokes after.

•They sing lots of comedy duets.

stuff that is similar to what they would sing-

•Joel Grey & Sutton Foster- Friendship

•Mindy Gledhill- I Do Adore

•Alex & Sierra- Little do you know

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Sally-

•Sally is a child ballet dancer and her mom posted her residual online and it got millions of views

•Sally appreciates people being nice to her

•Sally is super sweet and nice

•She loves people and talking to fans

•She adores dancing

______________________________________________

Ben-

Ben’s nickname is Ben Drowned because of Minecraft lol

• Ben also does gaming competitions even though he is a kid

•Ben is really good for a teen and his dad is a pro gamer that helped him get in the competitions

•Ben is a little brat and loves trash talking people

•Ben learned how to hack so even if he was losing he could just click a couple buttons and win.

•Ben is a big fan of Jeff’s music

______________________________________________

Laughing Jack and Laughing Jill -

•They are a twin trapeze act

•They are in a traveling Circus

•They often make jokes a lot so the ringmaster decided they should have Laughing Jack and Laughing Jill as their nicknames

•Laughing Jack loves to throw candy for the children when they are swinging all over the place.It often hits the kids in the face though lol.

•Laughing Jill also loves to dance

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Jason The Toymaker-

• he does all types of acrobatics

•He thinks that he is the best thing ever lol

•not much is known about him and no one even knows why he is as famous as he is ( probably some sort of controversial thing but like something dumb like him saying I’m better then *insert name* at this thing lol) ______________________________________________

CandyPop-

•An aerial dancer

•He just loves looking majestic lol

•Candypop has lots of energy and does hard tricks so fast it’s unbelievable

•Candypop jumps around before her gets on the silks and it’s so funny looking lol

•Candypop just love’s attention

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Bloody Painter-

•Bloody painter is a painter so creative lol

•Instead of painting with blood he uses regular paint. But the reason he is called blood painter is because he paints serial killers.

•Helen is really sweet but loves dark things

•Helen is quiet and often compliments other people’s work even if it isn’t that good. •Helen just appreciates other artists ☺️

______________________________________________

Homicidal Liu-

•Liu was taught piano by his mother

•Liu was going to join Jeff’s band but Jeff said no because he can’t play anything cool.

•Liu plays sad music ever since his Mom died from an unknown illness

•Liu loves his brother but has to give him realty checks a lot.

•Liu is older then Jeff but somehow he feels like he is always treated as lower by Jeff

______________________________________________

Lulu -

•Lulu loves being Jeff’s band but she thinks he is kinda rude

•Lulu is a really quiet person who is a bit of a people pleaser

•Lulu stays on Jeff’s good side because she enjoys seeing him happy.

•Nina hates Lulu

•Lulu is quiet off stage but when she is on the stage her voice is booming

•Lulu has a really pretty voice and sometimes Jeff gets a little jealous

______________________________________________

Brian and Tim-

•They are gay country boys and no one can tell me otherwise lol

•They sing lots of love songs

•They are little cuties

•Brian is a big goof and makes lots of jokes while Tim is just like really…….

•Tim secretly loves Brian’s humor

•Brian is a big flirt and it makes Tim blush

•Countryyyyy boyyyy Iiii lovvveeee youuu

songs similar to what they would sing-

•Johnny Cash - you are my sunshine

•Tonight I’m Garth Brooks- we shall be free

•Prisley Fields-Ride Me Cowboy ( Brian would definitely sing this lol)

______________________________________________

This is all I can think of for now let me know if you want a part two! If you have any suggestions, questions, or drawings requests! Love you all ❤️

#creepypasta #jeff the killer #new series #creepypasta rewrite #au #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta redesign #eyeless jack #nina the killer #jane the killer #jane everlasting #homicidal liu #sally williams #ben drown #masky #hoodie #slenderman #slenderverse #slender proxy #proxies #tim wright #brian thomas #ticci toby #clockwork #laughing Jack #Laughing Jill #candypop #jason the toymaker #lulu #bloody painter

[reedusmcbridedaily]

THE WALKING DEAD Best Moments:

”So many scenes I've filmed, and a few episodes, that are particularly special to me — it's difficult to pick.  As for the episodes I've actually been in, first to my mind always seems to be "The Grove." One reason that episode is so special to me is because it was Mike Satrazemis' directorial debut. He'd been on the series from the start as a camera operator, then director of photography, and in those positions he was always so helpful.

Our camera crew is the best, and with the perspective they have, it's no surprise many go to directing. Getting to work with Mike in that capacity was such a treat, and the episode itself was so well-written by Scott Gimple — so complex, and so pivotal for Carol. To act that story out with Chad Coleman, Brighton Sharbino and Kyla Kennedy was thrilling. Episodes that have both that intensity and still somehow maintain space to breathe, I love those. "Consumed" with Norman, is another. Andy in "Indifference" is another.” - MELISSA MCBRIDE

“When Rick blew up on the bridge, that scene was extra special to me. I was originally written to run with the group down the bridge and be like, "No!" But Greg [Nicotero] directed that episode, and we came up with this idea that it was like he'd be in a hospital bed dying and I'm holding his hand. I know he's not going to make it through that. So to run on the bridge and be like, "Nooooo!"… everybody's doing that already.

So we made this change where I'm just locking eyes with him and I'm shooting zombies that are walking towards him, but it's more about me and him connecting. I'm here. I want you to be the last face I see before this is over. And it turned out to be such an emotionally charged scene. And it's kind of because I'm a wimp, it's kind because I love Andy, and it's kind of because of the characters, but it all just came together and I was just crying like a baby.

He came down off the bridge for my close up and he's standing by the camera and everyone's crying. Andy's bawling behind the camera. I'm bawling in front of the camera. But I like that we took that moment and we altered it and we made it different than just "Nooooo!" I'm glad that we put in the work to change it. And Greg, to his credit, he let me do it.” - NORMAN REEDUS

“I always say it was the snowball fight scene that was completely improvised because we had so much fun, but I also loved being depressed with Carol, and goofy with Melissa.” - CASSADY MCCLINCY

“As an audience member: Watching the episode "The Grove" (in which Carol has to sacrifice Lizzie) and being blown away by the incredible writing and the performances from the cast members. As an actress watching the work of other actors on the show: I have to point out the beautiful moment between Melissa (Carol) and Angel (Kelly) when they are in the car talking about how adversity and what seem to be obstacles in our lives can become our superpowers.” - PAOLA LÁZARO

“I love my scenes with Carol. Any of my scenes with Carol, I could choose any of them because Melissa is just one of those actors that makes you a better actor. She's so present and never a false moment. So it's hard to pick one. I just remember laughing a lot with her.” - JOSH HAMILTON

#the walking dead #twd cast #melissa mcbride #norman reedus #carol peletier #daryl dixon #twd #caryl #cassady mcclincy #paola lázaro #josh hamilton #cast quotes #mmb quotes #nr quotes

[van-yangyin]

Get to Know Me - Sims Edition

Thank you @honeybeenrw and @stargazer-sims for tagging me 🙇💕

If it seems like a lot of text, don't force yourself to read it, you can simply ignore it. Sometimes I write too much, I know.

1.- What’s your favorite sims death? Sims eaten by cowplants, although there is an anecdote from when I was little that is very funny because I had a little "trauma" with that death. When I first played The Sims Take the Street on PS2 (the first sims game I played for the first time in my life) together with Lea, we made sims from Fushigi Yugi and we put them to live in a house… They all ended up being eaten by mutant plant (a plant similar to cowplant in that time), being the last one Amiboshi just after his twin brother Suboshi… It was one of our first games so adding a mutant plant was like, "What is this? Let's put it in, it sounds fun" and it ended up being a bit of a shock since at that time we had no internet, no guides or anything and everything was new, from that time for me at the end, after that experience it's ended up being fun, so being eaten by a (cow)plant it's one of my favorites sims death.

2.- Alpha CC or Maxis Match? Maxis Mix, I absolutly like more Maxis Match for hair, but with clothes I usually use both Maxis Match and/or Alpha, same with makeup or skin details, so yes, I'm consider myself Maxis Mix more towards Maxis Match.

3.- Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? Why? When it comes to my/our OCs (Lea's and mine) we leave them as they wish to be, because they've gained or lost it by themselves because they have so wished, in fact one of our OCs, Carla, when gained more weight even became much more beautiful than when she had less weight, at least from our point of view.

4.- Do you use move objects? Yes, quite a lot when I have to place a lot of clutter together or I have to place in a special way the constructions to do what I want and look for.

5.- Favorite mod? I would say MCCC, but there are many times it causes me a headache.

6.- First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? Get to Work on realease. (Lea bought it, not me, but he likes to share, I mean it's stupid to buy the same thing twice when in gameplay we play together)

7.- Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? I pronounce "Modo Vivir", but if it's in English then like aLIVE.

8.- Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? I have quite a few… They're all my cute babies, Ryuuya, Luka, Aris, Jack, Kyle, Kyla, Noah, Icaro, Carla. Lux, Kaoru, Ainosuke, Rin, Haruka, and many more but the list would go on and on... Sorry I can't choose... (And yeah we have a lot of original sims that we don't show here yet 😆)

9.- Have you made a simself? I did it once, when toddlers came out, I made myself into a toddler for a contest, but I have never done it again, and that simself no longer exists.

10.- What sim traits did you give yourself? With pack Growing Together that came out I can officially add more than three, right? Creative, Socially awkward, Ambitious, Music lover, Geek and Perfectionist. (The limit is 3 more traits, so I can't put Cat fan, Dog fan and Animal enthusiast [although these three should be considered more likes and dislikes, I don't understand how it can still be in traits], so I have them present but didn't add them, because I consider more as likes and dislikes).

11.- What is your favorite EA hair color? Red. I like black, but it changes and varies so much between different hairs and many of them look gray or bluish that they're no longer my favorite.

12.- Favorite EA hair? The two hairs that were added when Incheon Arrivals Kit came out and the hair from Snowy Escape that has two little clips on it.

13.- Favorite life stage? I don't have any favorite life stage, because all life stages are special in one way or another and I try to create sims of all kinds of ages, although maybe the ones I have the most are teenagers/young adults because I usually create a lot of sims based on video games/anime/shows if that makes sense, so people may consider those to be my favorite kind of stages.

14.- Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? Let's see, I would consider myself mixed, or versatile. During the day from time to time I would consider myself a builder, especially when I make constructions with references that help me to locate myself (although there are times that I also make them without a base, but it takes me a long time to finish them and I consider myself a noob, Kitta's house, Dope Sketch I look at all of you just now). On the other hand, during the night before going to sleep and after dinner I'm more of a gameplay person and I have a lot of fun playing together with Lea.

15.- Are you a CC creator? Yes, I love to create CAS CC (hair, clothes, shoes, accessories, etc…), construction CC (furniture, clutter, whatever I need depending on the moment), small modifications in the sims, I'm usually very versatile, I do recolors and frankmeshing too although most of the things I love to do are from scratch (with references that aren't mine or concept arts that I draw previously which are usually mine) to learn even more, so I usually take a lot of time but I have a lot of fun. Although around here what I usually share with everyone, are hairs made from scratch, some other skin details, poses and conversions from other games.

16.- Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? Not that I know of. The person I interact with the most around here is Lea but that's because we are family/best friends and spend a lot of time together, so for me it's like day to day. I would love to be able to have a constant energy and mood so I can interact more to make and keep friends around here. I write from time to time with people and would like to consider them friends but since we don't interact much or very constantly, I don't know if they consider me friends or if they would just consider me mutuals. I know of some people that we consider each other friends but we don't talk much either lately because I'm in my stage of writing little with people. But I don't refuse anyone or anyone who wants to interact with me and in the future something might come out of those interactions (friendship or... what's a squad? srsly I don't know it), I'm quite social/asocial and insecure, sometimes I write a lot and sometimes I write very little with people, so I don't know what they currently think of me.

17.- What’s your favorite game? Have a lot, Kingdom Hearts (yes, I went through the time when you needed different consoles to play the whole saga), Final Fantasy series, The Sims series, Life is Strange series, Resident Evil series, Tomb Raider series, Tales of Zestiria, Arc the Lad series, Minecraft, Spyro series, Crash Bandicoot series, Genshin Impact and I'm sure there are many more games that I haven't tried yet that I could add to the list in the future.

18.- Do you have any Sims merch? Nothing.

19.- Do you have a YouTube for sims? I don't have one, but I would love to, although I don't think anyone would be interested. I mean if you share something it's for someone else to see it and if no one would be interested then it would be like exposing yourself to the world but without being seen. I don't know if I make myself clear. I know that stories of your own sims/anything you do in the community have more room for other people when you do it as video, because when you talk they feel more empathetic with your stories/what you explain but my English is not very good and talking in general/talking to my sims is not my forte (that's something Lea is better at)

20.- How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? Pictures speak louder than words. I don't have sims screenshots I took in The Sims 2 and The Sims 3 because I can't access the external USB drive were on, so I'll limit myself to The Sims 4 screenshots.

A written summary would be that I currently use more sliders and presets, use 3D eyelashes and natural nails for all my sims and use eye makeup to give more volume to the "eyelashes" and give them more "life". And try to make more different types of noses, faces, eye shapes, etc…. Besides adding natural lips as "make up" (when they don't wear makeup) to make them more "realistic" within my sims realism.

21.- What’s your Origin ID? I don't have anything shared, so I don't know if it's really important to say.

22.- Who’s your favorite CC creator? I have a few and they're the ones I use the most in my gameplays shared with Lea in our sims. They're all amazing so allé voy, @/pralinesims, @/simandy, @/happy-misanthropist (although is currently retired), @/obscurus-sims, @/raccoonium, @/falsogod, @/iowaisms, @/saruin, @/xxxtaiyaki, @/kijiko-sims, @/acha-sims, @/simmireen, @/lea-heartscxiv (yeah is with whom I share my sims game and he makes recolors mainly for me and him) and myself (self-esteem should never be lacking).

23.- How long have you had a simblr? Since last year, end of April 2022.

24.- How do you edit your pictures? So far the only things I use are Photoshop and Clip Studio, but I don't retouch pictures so much, I just "improved" problems with scratches that appear in some parts of sims, eyelashes that are displayed wrong, etc… And then I put one or two tonal change filters in Photoshop, but out of CC I use on sims, it's pretty vanilla the final pictures. If I were to do something else at some point, I would probably put unretouched edit under the cut line to see the differences.

25.- What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? If I had to say one for how the world is shown, CAS, objects and gameplay I would say Snowy Escape.

26.- What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? Seriously writing, refreshes. I would like to see refreshes and improvements of base game, an impossible dream, I know. Especially refreshes of Realm of Magic and Get To Work. Since Lea and I were forced to switch to EAAppsh*t we haven't bought anything from them anymore.

I know. It's only 26 questions and I've almost written a book just answering them, sometimes I get too excited writing when I know what I'm talking about 💦 Now time for the tags:

I'm tagging @lea-heartscxiv, @falsogod, @freedomending, @pralinesims, @saruin, @the-daydream-archives and @dizzyrobinsims

If you already done it, please ignore and if you have it handy tag me in the one you already did so I can see it, because maybe I missed it or wasn't connected the day you did it. If you don't feel like doing it, you can just skip it. And to anyone who wants to do so, feel free to tag me. If you share as a favorite death the cowplant one, don't wonder anymore if you should or shouldn't do it, do it, for all the sims who have fallen eaten by cowplants.

#van do games #non sims #but about sims

[vuulpecula]

anonymouse inquired forever ago: ⚥ - … My muse’s sibling 

send me a symbol and i will write a drabble about my muse from the point of view of... | accepting.  ➝ ⚥ - my muse’s sibling. 

      "She has to be lying,” Kyla repeated for the seventh time since returning from her most recent bridal appointment. Her mother had accompanied her as she had for her last three marriages -- the fourth one’s the charm, right? “There I was, standing in the most gorgeous Olga Malyarova, a limited edition I might add, and she drops a bombshell like that on me?! Can you believe it, darling?” 

      “And what was this bombshell,” her fianceé sighed. A good two hours in and his soon to be wife hadn’t given him the slightest detail on what had thrown her into such a mood. By the way she tore through boxes of old photos and considering the conversation had to do with her mother, he figured it had to do with her mysterious family. Kyla paused in her search and recounted in shocking detail everything that had happened during her time at the bridal salon. 

      “You really should think about inviting your sister,” Nessa suggested after the first two dresses were declared solid no’s. She would not suggest the girl’s father be invited as well, her husband in name only.        “But she’s always so sullen, mama, do you not remember my first wedding? She sulked around the whole evening and she looked like she was about to cry in every photo. I do not need that on my special day! The attention should be on me, not my sad, lonely sister. If she wants to come, she needs a brighter attitude -- it’s no wonder she hasn’t married yet.” Kyla tossed a perfectly curled tress of hair over her shoulder, gazing at herself in the mirror.        “Be nice,” her mother chided. Kyla did not miss the pill she snuck into her mouth soon after, swallowing it back with the complimentary champagne they were given. “Your sister has gone through a lot, it is hard for her to -- “ She swallowed her words as quickly as she had swallowed her pill.        “She what, mama? I grew up with her, we both went through a lot. Papa was never the kind one,” there were more than a few times she received a hard slap upon her cheek for returning far past curfew. “I turned out just fine, what’s her excuse?” She was being hateful, she knew, but she wanted to manipulate her mother into speaking whatever clouded on her expression. What juicy family secrets she might’ve missed out on after leaving with her first husband.       Nessa shook her head fiercely. “You do not know, Kyla, you do not know what your father was capable of.”        “Oh, you mean the killing, the drugs, the guns? I was not so stupid back then, mama, I knew what papa did for a living. I knew where our money came from.” Nessa blanched.        “You do not know what he did to your sister.” The whole repulsive truth came out, no matter how many little pills her mother swallowed nor how many times she pressed her lipsticked lips to the gold-rimmed champagne flute, it would not wash away the acidic taste in her mouth. Kyla gawked. She caused a scene. Demanding they leave immediately, terminating the time slot her future husband had paid handsomely for. She could not stand to be in the same room with her mother any longer, not with her lying through her teeth. The worst part was, Nessa looked like she actually believed the lies she was spewing. 

      “Are you so sure she was lying,” her fianceé questioned gently. Kyla found the pictures she was looking for. All faded shots from a life in Russia from various stages of childhood. Most were from before Fox was born, her mother obsessing over her first-born child. Near the bottom, though, they were all stuck together. She thumbed over one, peering at the two girls standing on a bridge overlooking the Neva. 

      “Of course, as depressing as Fox is now, she was always a happy kid. I don’t ever remember a time when she wasn’t laughing. I cannot believe that she would be living through what my mother has said and I would not have seen it -- she would’ve told me.” Yet, looking down at those two girls, her sister was not smiling. She moved to the next photo, no smile. Again and again and again she searched, but in every single photograph they had together, her sister was staring blankly at the camera. Even the shadow of a smile that sometimes appeared did not reach her eyes. Sad eyes. Lonely eyes. Helpless eyes. 

      Digging through the small pile, there was only one photo, a polaroid, that held Fox as the sole subject. Kyla had taken it herself on the day she left their family’s apartment. “Here, you see,” she exclaimed, but she did not move to show him. Instead, she stared and stared at the smile on her sister’s face. It was forced. She could almost feel the strain through the glossy surface. There were tears in her sister’s eyes and tracks down both her cheeks. It could not be true. This could not be the only evidence she had left. 

      “No, I remember taking her photo. I remember dressing her up, doing her makeup, we were laughing. She looked like an old film star, walking around in heels three times too big for her feet.” Those photos were missing from her collection. “I swear, I remember her happy, I remember her -- “ But she didn’t, not really. 

      “Our father, he was sick, he is sick,” why was she defending him? “He would not have done that,” the evidence was still in her hands. The bruises peeking out from clothes too loose for her too-thin frame. Her body language, standing just far enough away from everything and everyone that it could not touch her. Even with Kyla’s arms thrown around her, Fox seemed to shrink herself into the background, as if she did not want to be seen. As if she was ashamed. 

      “Mother’s memory is going, she’s been off for years -- it’s all those pills she takes.” Her mother had allegedly known and had done nothing for years. If it was true, she was just as much to blame, but it could not be true. “It cannot be true. I would’ve noticed, I would’ve seen...” Kyla thought hard to the years just before she left. There was a large gap between her and her sister, she was already blossoming into her early twenties when Fox had still not outgrown the gangliness of childhood. Fox did smile for her. She remembered her squealing with delight on their vacation to Lake Luga in the summer, she remembered her grinning around ice creams and freshly baked bread, her constant curiosity with the cosmetics that Kyla often brought home, the way her eyes glittered as she pulled out new dresses. She had chosen to remember those and to forget the others. When she had found her pulling splinters out of her knees and hadn’t thought to ask what had happened. When she had believed Fox’s doorknob excuse when her sister appeared with a black eye because she hadn’t cared enough to think otherwise. When she had watched their father twist Fox’s braid around his hand idly as she sat stock still waiting for the yank. 

      Kyla felt ill. It could not be true. She would not believe it could be true. The photographs were returned to their tomb and placed within the catacombs of her closet. Never again to be looked at. The damning evidence that proved her mother wasn’t lying. 

#x | burning the letters ( answered. ) #x | unsigned letters ( anon. ) #[ thank you to whoever sent this in! ] #[ i had a lot of fun writing kyla ] #[ especially in this formative moment ] #x | i don’t blame you for being you but you can’t blame me for hating it ( kyla. ) #x | i sometimes wish i stayed inside my mother never to come out ( nessa. ) #x | you're too old to be this shy he says to me so i stay the night ( alexei. ) #x | you are not responsible for what was done to you as a defenseless child ( memories. ) #x | you're screaming and cursing and angry and hurting me then smiling and crying apologizing ( family. ) #abuse tw #child abuse tw #domestic abuse tw #general tw #ptsd tw #cptsd tw #mental illness tw #[ if i've forgotten any let me know ] #[ i left some parts v ambiguous so idk if i want to necessarily tag something that might not come through??? ] #depression tw

[demxters]

no one but you

sam wilson x avenger!reader

summary: sam wilson may be a pain in the ass, but he’s your pain in the ass. and no one, not even the cute girl at the bar, could change that.

wc: 800+

warning(s): swearing

‘to feel, to fall’ universe

marvel masterlist ☼ main masterlist

a/n: there will be various stand alone drabbles that are a part of this same universe! meaning they all connect but don’t have to be read in any specific order to understand. i just really love sam wilson and currently don’t have the brain capacity to write another series so that’s how this came to be lol. feedback, comments, reblogs are always appreciated and motivate me to keep writing! 

( gif credit @marvelouscatharsis ) 

The sound of early 2000s country music and drunken laughter surrounds you from your seat at the bar. With a grimace, you down another glass of whiskey as one particular laugh in the crowd stands out amongst them all. You hear the laugh again and with a sigh, flag down the bartender for another glass. 

“Rough night?” she questions. 

“Something like that,” you mutter under your breath with a clench of your fists. 

This was all Wanda’s fault. Wanda and her ability to get into people’s heads. You crave his attention, she had said. But you thought it was bullshit. Sam Wilson is a pain in the ass. A pain in your ass to be exact. No one got on your nerves more than Sam, his cocky attitude, and his snarky remarks. Everything about him made your blood boil, and yet watching from across the room as he flirted with another woman made your stomach turn upside down. This was all Wanda’s fault. Yes, she was probably manipulating you from across the room. 

“This one’s on the house,” the bartender, who you eventually learn is named Kyla, says as she places another cup of whiskey in front of you with a sympathetic smile. 

You take the cup, thanking her with a nod of your head, before turning back around to scowl at the couple in the corner. Something the woman said made Sam burst into a fit of genuine laughter. Nothing you ever said caused him to react in such a way. Most of the time when Sam laughed at your words it was all out of sarcasm. And the thought made you sick. You wanted to be the one to make Sam laugh like that, not her. You wanted to be able to stand that close to Sam without it having to be because the two of you were having a screaming match. You wanted to be the one Sam devoted all his attention to. You wanted Sam to look at you just like he was looking at her. You wanted him to look at you like you were the only one in the world. 

And just like that, your whole world came crashing down. You could no longer tell the difference between fact and fiction--the lines between true and untrue blurred. Turning back around, you grasp your glass with both hands tightly. Were you… jealous? You let out a breathy laugh at the thought. No, there was no way. You hate Sam Wilson and that was a well known fact. 

You were so caught up in your thoughts that you hadn’t even noticed the man of the hour make his way back to the bar and to the seat next to you. 

“You’re awfully quiet tonight.” 

Your breath hitches in the back of your throat, suddenly aware that Sam was standing shoulder to shoulder with you. “Just not in a party mood,” you answer quietly. “You on the other hand, seem like you’re having a lot of fun out there.” 

Sam sends you a look of confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You and that woman you were talking to earlier seemed to be hitting it off quite well. When should I warn her about how much of a pain in the ass you are? If you two end up dating, she’s gonna want to know what she’s dealing with,” you add with a mocking grin. 

Sam laughs at your words and turns to you with a smirk. “Who’s to say that I won’t continue to bug you?” 

“Even if you wanted to, you wouldn’t have the time…” 

He catches you by surprise when he gently grabs your wrist. “I’d have all the time in the world for you,” Sam tells you softly. He sees your eyes soften ever so slightly at his words before you put up your hardened exterior once more. Noticing the awkward tension that surrounded you both, he adds,“Besides, there’s no one else I’d rather be a pain in the ass for. No one but you.” 

His words throw you off, making your heart skip a beat at the sudden genuineness of his tone. Sam has thrown you off so much that you can’t even think of anything to say back. You just stand there with your mouth half open, almost like a fish out of water. Before you get the chance to respond, Sam sends you a wink and joins the rest of your friends at the pool table. 

And all you could do is just sit at the bar in absolute bewilderment. You repeat Sam’s words to yourself and your stomach reels with this strange feeling each time. “No one but you.” Turning back to your group of friends, you watch as Sam grins widely as he animatedly tells them a story. His gaze meets yours and his smile softens only for a moment before he returns back to the group, making you almost drop the glass in your hands. Finishing up what’s left in your cup, you try to shake it all away. But no matter what you did, you found yourself going back to his words and the feeling of his skin on yours. What the hell was going on with you? 

❥ this series is dedicated to @stfukie , the biggest whore for sam wilson i know

marvel taglist/those who were interested:  @sunflowerbecca @stfukie @beth-winchester21 @thebadassbitchqueen @iasdfghjkl​ @thesewordsareallihavetogive @fangirl-swagg

add yourself to my taglist!

#mcu #marvel #sam wilson #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson x you #sam wilson x y/n #sam wilson x avenger!reader #sam wilson imagine #sam wilson imagines #sam wilson fanfiction #sam wilson fanfic #sam wilson fic #falcon #falcon x reader #falcon x you #falcon x y/n #falcon imagine #falcon imagines #falcon fanfiction #falcon fanfic #falcon fic #marvel x reader #avengers x reader #to feel to fall universe #my writing

[librarycards]

do u have any nonfic or fantasy recs?

yes! in terms of the nexus of nonfic and fantasy , Akwaeke Emezi's Dear Senthuran (cross-reffing your goodreads and I agree, it's heavy and triggering as fuck) and Kai Cheng Thom's Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars are amazing works of speculative memoir. M.G. Doherty also self-published a remarkable fairytale-memoir that more people should know about, called In the Nucleus [x]!

There's also a brutal, but incredible, book of speculative-historical poems called Zong! by M. NourbeSe Phillip that will....it will change the way you think about Everything. It's about the transatlantic slave trade and not for the faint-hearted.

I don't actually read too much *fantasy* per se, and when I do, it's lower than a fucking limbo bar -- but I can try! Event Factory is in the vein of Invisible Cities. Except waaaay more inspired. Plain Bad Heroines is fun as hell, too.

In the realm of MG/YA fantasy, there have been several good ones recently! I enjoyed Six Crimson Cranes and Daughter of the Moon Goddess,

For speculative poetry: Terese Maison-Pierre's Manifest!

For nonfic, That's Revolting! edited by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore is a great, if a little vintage, collection of radical queer writing. The first edition is the best imo but it's not available anywhere (I actually had to reach out to Mattilda via facebook messenger to get a section to cite lmao).

There's also an academic text my colleague and I have been using a lot in our ongoing work on disorderly eating, counter-community, and social resistance - Kyla Wazana Tompkins's Racial Indigestion. She argues, among other things, for a shift from "critical food studies" to "critical eating studies". It's an amazing book on race, gender, and the politics of consumption.

#hope this works!!! tried to make sure it wasnt stuff you'd already read so like i didnt mention pterry or leguin or pierce or butler lmao #ask #discworldwitches

[monstersmutpeddler]

Books That I Tried Reading But Couldn’t Finish (The Rest of May 2022)

So, if you’re ever wondering why I sometimes don’t post very often, it’s because I’m stuck trying to fight my way through this. I really tired getting through my backlog of books this month (which, I kinda did, yay!) but oooooofff, some of these books were not my cup of tea. 

For those who don’t know:

I’ll sometimes write reviews for the “Personally Couldn’t Finish” section of my rating, but I honestly prefer talking about things that I actually liked reading. Exceptions of course being for books that made me viscerally angry. Because those are fun to write about. 

Instead, here is a collection of books I tried reading but personally couldn’t for whatever reason. This could be because I got bored (the most likely answer), I really wasn’t into it, or I got really uncomfortable/triggered.

(I love Sci Fi Alien Romance Books, but hot damn, a lot of them really blur together. Like, I can only read so many ‘abducted for alien sex slavery but then saved by a hot alien man that basically looks human’ books before I zone out. You’d think that after like, 100+ books like that we’d have a lesbian alien. But no. We get alpha aliens who fated mate imprint like werewolves. Not that I have a problem with that, I’m just shocked there aren’t any M/M or W/W yet? Even in reverse harmes or poly books there isn’t a lady.)

Some of these books could actually be really great books (I wouldn’t know, I didn’t finish them), and you might get more enjoyment out of them than I did. So feel free to try them out, my opinion is just that. An opinion.

Alien Instinct (The Alien Series Book 1)

By: Tracy Lauren

 I’m just going to copy and paste the bullet points I wrote in my writing review journal because I think it summarizes everything perfectly:

Very lost/confused 22 year old who has no idea what she wants to do in life. 

Cut to the alien man right after we were reading about the girl being abducted, no easing into that. Very off. Wtf is going on?

Oooof so he works for the bad guy. At least he’s not into it. 

They think the humans are goddesses? This isn’t the first time I’ve seen this kind of trope, but I think Stolen By An Alien did it best.  

Gargoyle alien.  

There’s always one smartass chick in the group. Always the one bitch that makes it difficult for everyone while sometimes contributing.  

Got bored.   

Alien Commander's Mate (Fated Mates of the Xilan Warriors Book 1)

By: Ava Ross

 Not a fan of the start where this whole group of girls are just like: Talking about how they’re gonna bang these aliens and get pregnant. These first few chapters could’ve been summarized in four paragraphs at most. Then I got bored. 

Claimed: A Sci-Fi Alien Romance (Fated Mates of the Kalixian Warriors Book 1)

By: Presley Hall

Things were happening way too fast for my liking. Then I got bored/not invested.

Alien Tyrant: A SciFi Alien Romance (Fated Mates of the Sea Sand Warlords Book 1)

By: Ursa Dax

Got bored. 

Claimed by the Hunter: A Post-Apocalyptic Alien Romance (Xarc'n Warriors Book 1) 

By: Lynnea Lee

Not really in the mood for this kind of book. Had an interesting start, but then I got lost. Then bored. 

Captured: A Sci-Fi Alien Invasion Romance (Garrison Earth Book 1) 

By: V. K. Ludwig

Interesting premise that it’s these aliens that are invading earth. That alone could add some interesting dynamics, it’s funny seeing the scientists guards trying really hard to justify themselves and say they aren’t bad guys. But they are. 

But then we meet our main love interest guy. Holy shit. Wtf. Not only is he an ass, but the first sex scene between him and the leading lady was rape. He’s all shocked about it but no. You can’t come back from that. That was rape. Fuck no. 

Taken by the Alien Pirate: A SciFi Alien Romance (Fated Star Mates Book 1)

By: Kyla Quinn

Got bored. 

Possessed: A Sci-Fi Alien Warrior Romance (Raider Warlords of the Vandar Book 1)

By: Tana Stone

Ok, this has the concept of being a funny comedy riffing on the alien romance genre as a whole, but then it got dubious consent-y and I’m not really wanting to read that.  

Sirein: A Dystopian World Alien Romance (Alien Fairytale Romances)

By: S.J. Sanders

Started off really interesting, but then I got bored the moment we started reading the love interests perspective. I don’t think they even met until like 40% through the book?

Alien Creep: An Alien Shifter Romance (Alien Abductors Book 1)

By: Calista Skye

Got bored. 

Sacrifice (War Brides of the Morja Book 1)

By: Miranda Bridges

Starts straight up with a horny alien man. Like, he is so horny. Then I got bored. 

Trauhn: A SciFi Alien Barbarian Romance (Rakui Warriors Book 1)

By: Lena Grey

Got bored. 

There Arose Such A Clatter: Tales From The Naughty List

By: C.M.Nascosta

Woah woah woah woah ok. I know the author warns you before hand that this is extreme, but oooof. This was waaaayyy too much for me. Nope. 

The Virgin Hunt Games, Volume 1

By: Mel Tescho

Got bored. 

Warrior Hunted: A Sci-Fi Alien Romance (Fated Mates of Halia Book 2)

By: Alaska Jones

Got bored. 

Big Bad Wolf (The Lycans, 1)

By: Jenika Snow

Got bored. 

Tail 'Em: A Reverse Harem Shifter Romance (Jailbreak Book 1) 

By: Sam Hall

Got bored. 

The Orc Wife: A Monsterly Yours Romance

By: S.J. Sanders

Interesting start, but then things started moving real fast and I got uncomfortable. What happened to hello? How are you? My name is?

Dark Planet Warriors: A Science Fiction Romance

By: Anna Carven

I liked things at first one, but then got real bored at the halfway mark. 

Love & Monsters 

By: Raven Flanagan

Got bored.

Vincent's Resolution: Blind Date With An Alien (Children of the Dead Fall Book 1)

By: Susan Trombley

I wanted to like this, but really couldn’t get into it. Into The Deadfall (if I had to give it an actual rating, which I don’t do) was a 6/10. Interesting concept but two out of the five books were not fun for me. I was really hoping it’s sequel series would’ve been interesting (especially with all the cute kiddos finding love) but this wasn’t fun for me. Another: What happened to hello? How are you? My name is? Moment.

Props for Gabby being down with banging a monster on the first date the moment she finds out. She was like, ready for some weird kinky shit. XD

Honestly? If this was some cute rom com bullshit with Vincent trying to hide the fact that he’s an alien hybrid and his entire family is from an alternate dimension rip in space/time I would’ve loved every second of it. God, could you imagine the meet the parents scenario? 

^ Even funnier, if Gabby was actually one of the kids from the Iriduan Test Subjects series. Imagine the SHIT that would’ve gone down. 

I’m spiraling I need to stop. :’)

So I’m gonna stop here and pretend the story itself ended happily. Unless I find out Nemon or (mostly likely, if I had to pick someone) Halian shows up. Then I’ll just have to find out what is going on, especially for Halian, because anytime he shows up in a book crazy shit always happens. 

#books #book reviews #smutty book reviews

[storiesaboutrachelcarolann]

Where I found God

I haven't felt like writing so such lately, I've felt as though I was and am going through another dark night of the soul or into another void so to speak, but yesterday I was sitting on my couch and the thought came to me

about doing another blog explaining about where I found God and how I still am for the most part.

When I was younger, just a child not yet a teenager, as far back as I can remember I started going to church with Grammy Smith pretty much every Sunday, both of my Grandmother's were religious and heavily believed in The Lord.

They believed in him far more then I ever had until this last few year of my life.

I never really felt like I belonged in a church pew, I felt out of place somewhat, but I did have a favourite song from the song books, it was called Jesus Loves Me, whenever I would go to church with Grammy I would ask the Pastor to play it for me, each one of them always did for me, the thing that bothered me the most was whenever they'd play it we wouldn't be half way through and I would have to go into the Sunday School room which was in the back of the church, that room is actually where I spent a far bit of time with Grammy and the women who used to make quilts, I believe it was every other Saturday. This room is where I experienced my first drink of tea and man I tell you to this day I still can't seem to drink tea. We'd all have lunch there on those day's as well. I remember being surrounded by old ladies who just wanted to make beautiful quilts and feel a part of a community.

I went to church with Grammy, Aunt Karen, Kyla and Nichole. Their Dad, Andy was religious as well, but he was raised Catholic, so he didn't attend that church often, maybe he did once or twice for a special event. I spent a lot of my time at Karen's with Kyla and Nichole especially during the summer Dad would let me go over with Gram so I could go swimming, it was fun. I remember one time Kyla fed a sparrow from her hand, she had to lay flat on the ground.

As I have spoke of Grammy Smith being gifted and all I didn't realize this until a few years ago, she really was a child of God as we all are, she never turned anyone away, or spoke badly of anyone, she really tried to live her life being a good person and following God's word.

Nanny Coldwell (Cook) did too, but I always found Grammy my go to, she was my favourite in a lot of ways, I had a really strong deep rooted connection with her more so, I didn't really understand it all when I was growing up, but it's because she knew I was gifted and she just never spoke of it, she'd always do things that hinted it a few times, but not until recently have I noticed. It's really exciting to think back on this, it gives me a little bit of a lift and it makes me happy. She knew everything.

I was always found outdoors most of the time when I was at Dad's, Grammy's was right next door. I would always find myself wondering down over the hill to her place and as I got a little older I wanted to be there more than at Dad's. Grammy was my sunshine, she made me feel whole, she'd dry up my tears when I'd come down crying because Dad was being Dad when he drank.

The church that we used to go to was at the foot of White Rock Mountain, it's not hard to miss at the intersection, I still remember the pew we'd all sit in, I still remember singing in the choir, I used to love singing. Grammy would always smile and sing along even when we were just practicing. I remember Kyla and I sitting in the smaller of two living rooms in a chair at her Mom and Dad's old house together singing Drummer Boy and there was another one, but I can't remember the name right now. I have a few pretty good memories I guess you could say with Kyla, we grew a part as I got older and in High School I didn't go up to Grammy's as much, I stopped going to church, I still believed there was a God, I just didn't think it was like the one they talk about in The Bible, I don't believe he sits on a throne up above.

Even though I didn't go to church, looking back now I see God was following me everywhere, he is and was always there.

My Mom and Dad were believers, but they didn't go to church at all, maybe when they were little - younger, but they didn't when I was born, maybe they lost a little faith, Dad took more of the Devil's side. Mom would always say, everything is going to workout, everything will be fine and it generally always did workout, maybe not in the ways we had always hoped for, but it seemed to workout even better.

Grammy's favourite song was Why Me Lord, and I think Nanny's was Come To The Garden, I hope that is the proper name or even the right song. I remember as I got older I began to become suppressed I guess you could say some of the time. I didn't know what to believe in full, but I did know there was something way more complexed then what we've been told about or have even seen.

In The Bible it speaks about visions, etc, but I feel that they have edited out important parts, I feel over time we've been brain washed and we never really get the oppurtonity to really see what we're all so capable of because we're held back in a lot of ways.

There was a time in my life where I went down the wrong path, probably more then once, but I was always led back and I always found myself doing what was right in the end. When I was addicted to drugs that was a very dark period in my life, but I do remember a few times taking out The Book, which is The Bible, but worded differently, it's easier to understand, I think maybe that's why I never connected with the other ones that are out there. I remember one day sitting on Mom's old deck, I read half The Book. It lifted me up when I would read certain phrases, but even then it I didn't really connect to the fullest because I didn't understand yet fully, I kept doing what I was doing. I didn't change. I remember Justin saying that when he was addicted to crack, The Bible saved him, it saved his life. I guess it did and has in someways, but he hadn't been able to really connect perhaps at that point or even now. Believing is more of a feeling instead of a doing if that makes any sense to someone out there?

I believe God was taking his time with me, he knew I couldn't be pushed, if I am pushed or pulled, I push back harder. I'm stubborn.

When I decided to come clean about my addiction that afternoon at Joe's in Wolfville, I always said it was Dad's voice, but I believe in order for me to have heard him God would have had to do something to allow it right?

As I got cleaner and clearer, I started seeing more shadows or weird things I guess you'd say, sometimes it would creep me out. I now know that was God, Spirit trying to communicate with me. Even now it still scares me sometimes, because I grew up thinking it was wrong and it's never wrong. You just have to keep God in your life and use these powers we all have on a positive level. Always come from a good space, always come from light, darkness will not go where there's light right?

When I moved down to Weymouth I was at my lowest, I had lost and walked away from everything that meant the world to me, but it was supposed to have happened that way, I understand that now. I was mad at God for awhile, especially when I decided to end it with Robin and be here on my own. Nothing seemed to be working out at all.

Being alone did scare me alot and it still does at times, but I am working on becoming stronger, I would say that God has sent every person, animal or a complete stranger an angel in disguise so I wouldn't feel so alone even when I am, I know I am not the only one who feels alone even when you're surrounded by people who love you. The people that you should have in your life are the ones who lift you up, the ones who bring out the best in you, the ones who forgive you even when you cross the lines and the people you need are the ones like you in many ways.

God isn't how most think he is, God is even more powerful then we can ever know or see.

I feel it's safe to say that in all the places I've lived, this place where I currently am is where I really found the true God, he's tested me, he's challenged me, he's pushed me to step outside of my comfort zone. He also has connected me with my Dad and other loved ones who meant the world to me, he has never once left my side.

Spirit is on inside of us all, Spirit is in everything we see, everything we touch, every breath we take. We sometimes just need a little bit of a wake up call and time alone in a quite to really experience who. I've learned what the real Lord is about and capable of. I've learned that everything that comes towards us must pass through his hands first good or bad. If it's bad it's up to us to change it into something good, send it unconditional love and inspiration. It's up to us to change anything and everything we're really supposed to and we're never ment to back down ever.  

I still have a lot of changes to make, I still have a lot of things to release, I still have more growing left to do and it's in this house I will do the rest of that. Changes happen when you allow, changes happen when you are open and when you really want to experience the real feeling of God, it is a feeling mostly, God will fill you up over time and everything is able to communicate with you if you just listen and pay attention.

Sitting here writing this today, I actually had this thought come to me, yes, I have gone down the lowest of lows and perhaps the deepest of lows are still to come, but each time I come out of the darkness, I shine brighter, my faith and hope is elevated even higher, even more than before. A certain place can only allow you to grow for so long and once that chapter is complete you must move on and go to another chapter right? Never be upset with waiting, never be sad because when you have totally allowed God into your life he will make things even better then expected, he will give even more than you've ever asked for.

I consider life really like a game, it has levels, it has good and bad ones, it has a host, our host is God, Spirit or The Lord, he's in all things. The saying goes, God gives his strongest battles to his strongest soldiers because he knows you're able to defeat anything. I believe that is true. It has happened many times for me, has it happened to you? I've always somehow found my strength and turned my weakness or weaknesses into something proud, solid and steady.

Think about your home, the food you eat, etc isn't that God? Isn't that him? When there's no clearing in sight, magically there's a breakthrough just when you least expect it right? Everything always works out in perfectly orchestrated divine timing.

I have had two separate experiences with Jesus, I've seen him twice in visions, it was amazing, he's full of light, happiness and ever lasting love, some say God is him, he's all one, that may be true, what do you think or feel? Is he one? I believe God and Jesus are blended together and are one.

Everything always happens for a reason, we all have a mission or a purpose to discover during our time here on earth, I feel that we all should be more open and celebrate The Lord in different ways. I feel he's everywhere and he's about to rise me higher then I have ever been and he's continuing to heal me and make me whole again. I trust in the unknown now, I trust I will be guided to where I must go and I trust that the right people will come to me, I will never have to chase and go after what I want again, it will come to me and that's a true belief.

Today I hope you take a moment and sit in a quiet space, take a few deep breaths and close your eyes, picture yourself going into a room full of light, close the door behind you and just see what Jesus and The Lord have to show you or tell you. May you become healed, may you become full in all ways again. Make up your own prayer, make up your path, I think that's where people get lost because they don't really connect with the one we've been told to go on, we'll all end up at the same place if we do good and push love and light from our very soul outward.

You're never lost, you aren't forgotten, you'll be okay, lift your chin up and raise your hands to the sky and allow Spirit to surround you, it'll feel like a strong wind or breeze making circular motions around your body, maybe more like a spiral effect coming up from the bottom, starting small and then growing bigger, it'll rise you up and protect you. You're always protected, loved and never forget God is with you!

Love "The Empress"

#theempress #god

[fromnefelibata]

FLAW IMPROVED

A Craft Essay by Kyla Clarisse Dizon

Writing makes my flaws visible to everyone, especially when the language is English. But I possessed Lao Tzu's sayings, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." Every moment is an opportunity step to become better.

During my childhood summer year, I used to love writing Filipino stories in my tiny room at my Grandparents' house, which is in a settler neighborhood. Grandmother enjoyed purchasing books for me as she believed I appreciate writing and reading. Little did she know, I make use of writing to create some stories as if I am the child's play that fulfills her childhood dreams. 

In my cramped room, only my little hands would fit through the small window in my room, where I watch other children happily play together under the bright hot sun. Since my uncles and auntie strictly forbid me from playing with the 'squatter kids,' as they called. Subsequently, I had no friends, which forced me to have fun alone. A stab of jealousy always hits me whenever I see other kids play outside. While I, only read a Filipino fictional children's story and write stories about a happy kid who portrayed me as the main character. 

One day, I decided to write a story outside my room and went to our sari-sari store. I wanted to create a story back then about me as the daughter of the Mayor who has a lot of friends. The halfway of me writing my story, suddenly the Kids I was jealous of went to buy candy in our store. I looked at their toys, long rope made of a rubber band, and their slippers placed in their arm. In my jealousy, I forgot that I had been staring at them for a long time, which made them look at me in astonishment. One of them reached out to me and asked if she was allowed to see my work. At first, I was hesitant to show my work since my writing is the worst and only I can understand it. But because they were insistent, I showed it at the end. I was disappointed to discover that they hated writing and reading stories and preferred to play outside. Though, my emotions changed when they invited me to join them in their playground. It caused the butterflies in my stomach to begin flying.

Moments happened, I used to be friends with them resulted in me enjoying my childhood time playing under the bright hot sun with them. I left my room to play Filipino games outside as I also abandoned my hobby of reading and writing. I realized back then how I am happy to have friends to play with outside. The friendship I developed with them assisted me in having a wonderful childhood. Yet summer passed, as I went to study in school, my friendship with them did not last since I met new classmate friends in my school. My childhood friends were bitter and jealous of me now that they knew I went to a prestigious elementary school, and they began to distance themselves from me because they thought of me becoming boastful about it. That prompted me to leave my grandparents' home and move in with my parents. And I ventured on my academic journey.

In elementary years, I began being conscious of myself because most of my classmates are fluent in English, whereas I am not. That started me to focus on my strength which I found that I am more interested and skilled in a Math subject. I acted not to concentrate on my English class because it has always been my weakest subject. My lowest grades in English classes are consistent year after year, which I don't mind because I have never been particularly good at it. I always admit that I wasn't very good at it until high school. My family, friends, and teachers all know that I was more determined to learn Math than English. Because of my abilities, they also pushed me to change my intended course to accountancy. However, I am unconcerned about them and still compelled for my preferred college course, criminology.

Throughout my grade 10 school year, I have been convinced about choosing the HUMSS strand in senior high, since it is related to the course I want to take. That HUMSS strand will allow the development of my public speaking skills, which are beneficial and required in my chosen college course. According to my Grade 10 teacher, the HUMSS strand contains a lot of English subjects, including Creative Writing, and only two math subjects, which results in me being hesitant to enter the HUMSS strand is. It makes me fearful that I will fail several subjects during my SHS journey. 

As a Grade 11 student beginning of senior high school journey, online learning is a new setting experience of studying. It excited and motivated me while also putting me under pressure because I know there will be a lot of writing activity in a strand that I entered, Humanities and Social Sciences. In addition, being in the first section forced me to work hard in order to keep up with my classmates. English subjects in Grade 11 made me meticulous of my outputs to the point where I had to double-check them before submitting.

Grammatically incorrect and limited English made me struggle. To the point where my level of commitment to studying day and night made me upset when I saw my grades and only one subject, English is on my line of eight. However, as I tried to push myself to be more motivated, I continued to study hard on my outputs. That English subject motivated me more to learn to the point where I speak English to myself to expand my knowledge in the language. I occasionally spoke up and wrote in English during my self-time. And all of my hard work paid off when my name made it to the honor roll for two consecutive semesters.

The final year before entering the next phase of my life, which is in college. As I realized that this is the final year of high school, entering grade 12 made me proud of myself. Well, pressure still exists on me as I became part of the first section again. Moreso, pressure on me is like a heavy coat laid over my back. This year, I promised myself that I would learn new things to improve. In which on how to learn to write with expressed intent. Also, my goal is to figure out how to confidently express myself in words, and I'm not going to write sluggish sentences; instead, I'm writing sentences that will pack a punch. Other people's writing inspires me, obviously, so I'd be able to write impressively as well. 

The Creative Writing subject makes me more challenged in terms of learning about how to write stories. I used to believe that writing was simple and that I could write stories about anything I wanted at any time like I used to do when I was a kid. I now understand why writers set aside time to write because there are many rules to follow in writing that I learned in our Creative Writing subject. 

Above all, I want to write stories again that makes me proud of myself for having written them. My little ability is not a barrier for me to stop learning in writing. Since everybody nowadays is a writer. Every day, people used to post on social media and send text messages. However, not everyone is a great writer and has given to a select few who put forth the effort and can make a skillful remark. But I believe in my potential and purpose as a writer with the help of entering the Creative Writing subject.

I accept that my abilities are insufficient, which is why I must double up on my efforts to learn. Even though I begin my journey into this subject, I am aware that I will face numerous challenges. It's a mixture of emotions for me, happy, anxious, and stressful. And I can say it is a helpful journey that improves my writing skills and expresses my imagination more. 

Every moment is an opportunity to learn, and new opportunities I am not good at every day are a good step. I am confident that, in the long run, I will recognize my full potential, which will expand and maximize my life's purpose.

#craft essay #writing #improvements #CreativeWriting

[xwing-baby]

Ascent of the Emissary: Presentation Day

Word Count: 3.6k

Series Summary: A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...The FIRST ORDER have announced themselves to the galaxy and are set on destroying the Galactic Alliance. A young woman, born and raised in the rich Order sympathising society, on the planet RAELA, meets her supposed sworn enemy in a crowded marketplace and comes to a crossroads in her life. Does she follow the path laid out to her by her FAMILY or does she carve her own, JOIN THE FIGHT against the Order and BETRAY everything she’s ever known.

Chapter Summary: It’s time for Lin’s presentation day, his promotion to Major of the First Order. But Kyla’s got something on her mind. 

A/n: I’ve decided I like Friday’s more than Saturday’s for uploads, so HEY! I’m so glad you guys liked part 1 and I hope you like what this chapter brings too! Get to meet one of my favourite characters, let me know what you think of him too!  

<- Previous chapter    //     Introduction    //    Next Chapter ->  

It was late. The city had quietened down, the moon was bright and full in the sky. Usually I would be fast asleep at this hour but I was wide awake. I had tried everything to fall asleep: I’d turned my pillows, tried the opposite end of my bed, tried without the blankets, with no pyjamas, with more pyjamas. I tried turning on a lamp, I tried opening the curtains and letting the moonlight in. I tried everything and was getting frustrated to the point of tears. 

Maybe a drink would help. I knew the real issue but I didn’t want to think about it. 

When I was younger, I first began questioning my family's ties to the First Order and the Empire. As any rebellious young teenager I wanted to know everything and especially if that everything made my parents mad. A fellow classmate told me about Jedi, about how this group had fought against the Empire and were the reason the Empire fell. According to her, her uncle was a Jedi on Raela, he had given her a Jedi book in the hopes that she would become one too. The Jedi were destroyed along with the Empire but she kept the book hidden away from her parents then gave it to me. I took it home and devoured each page. The book told of the Force, the dark and the light. A lot of it I didn’t understand, but that stuff that did, changed me forever. Rather naively I told my mother about the book. That proved to be the biggest mistake of my life to that point. 

My mother told my father. My father took the book and burnt it. I cried, yelled at him to stop. I told him it wasn’t mine, that it was my friends. I tried to reason with him, tried to tell him that it wasn’t a dangerous book. I just wanted to learn. 

My father slapped me across the face, the rings on his fingers cut into my face making me bleed. He told me if I was ever caught with any ‘Jedi crap’ in his house again, I would be thrown out. I was taken out of school, isolated from anyone my own age and forced to stay at home with my mother. 

Over the years, I had forgotten what the book said. But that overwhelming sense of guilt I felt the first time I opened up the book, I never forgot. And it was starting to creep back in now. I knew even thinking about the Resistance was a bad thing. It had been drummed into my very soul at this point. 

I got up out of bed, deciding a hot drink would sooth my anxious stomach. It was quiet in the house, even the cleaning droid’s had powered down. I walked down the stairs, through our living room and into the kitchen. I flicked the light on and yelped as a man appeared in the corner. He quickly jumped over to me, dropping the bag in his hand and clamped a gloved hand over my mouth. I whimpered, screwing my eyes shut and began to cry. 

“Don’t kill me,” I whimpered, my heart was rattling against my chest.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” The man said calmly, his voice was soft and smooth, nearly opposite to the clear and proper Raelan accent. “I’m going to take my hand off your mouth now and you’re not going to scream. Understand?”  I nodded, the man slowly took his hand off my mouth and I opened my eyes. 

The man looked at me, studying me for a moment, then turned back to what he was doing before I disturbed him, rooting through cabinets and drawers. He was looking for something. 

I watched him for a little while longer, he wasn’t finding whatever he wanted and moved into another room. I stood still at my spot in the doorway. He wore a dark cloak, the hood over his head but the light of the city shone in and created a golden glow on what I could see of his face. High cheekbones, a hint of a beard along his chin. He had soft lips and a sharp nose too. His eyes were covered by shadow. Slowly, I began to realise. I recognised him. 

“Hey I know you,” I said, loud enough so he could hear me in the next room, my father’s study. 

“No you don’t,” He replied.

“You were at the market. You’re with the resistance,” I said the last few words hushed. 

“And if I was?” He poked his head around the doorframe, holding my father’s data-pad in his hands.

“I want to know about it,” I said, getting a little braver.

“About what?” 

“The resistance! What’s it like?” 

The man looked suspiciously at me, “Why would an Order sympathizer want to know about the resistance?” 

“I’m not a sympathizer,” I said carefully, “I’m... neutral,” 

“Hm, sure,” The man laughed quietly to himself, then disappeared back into the darkness of the study. 

“What are you looking for?” I asked.

“Who says I’m looking for anything?” He walked out of the study. 

“Why are you in my house then?” 

“Just checking it out,” The man said, gliding his hand under a bookshelf shelf. He was definitely looking for something. “I’m house hunting,” 

“You don’t look like you could afford this neighbourhood,” 

“What? Because I’m with the Resistance?” The man smirked, “Raela City is so judgemental,” 

“So you are with the Resistance?” I grinned, the man frowned realising he had admitted it. “If you tell me about it, I’ll tell you where whatever it is you’re looking for it,” 

“Why would a rich Raela City girl want to know about the Resistance?” He asked, stopping what he was doing to look at me.

“I’m curious,” 

“An Order kid ‘curious’ about the resistance is like red flag number one. Go back to bed and forget this ever happened. I’m sure you’ll have lovely dreams of blood and murder,” 

“I’m not a kid,” I protested, “And I’m not with the First Order, besides I don’t exactly have a choice either way,” 

“Oh you rich kids, you do make me laugh! I don’t have a choice!” He mocked, “Of course you do, that’s what it's all about,” The man laughed at me. I didn’t budge, wasn’t going to let an intruder make fun of me. He seemed to notice my stubbornness and sighed in defeat. “If you really want to know about the Resistance, come to the Golden Star tomorrow night,” 

“What’s that?” 

“You’ll work it out, kid,” He said, pulling the window open he had originally climbed through and stepping out onto the balcony. 

“I don’t even know your name,” I called after him, quickly following him to the window against all better judgement.

“Rafan,” Rafan said, jumping down from the balcony. I winced a little as he did; it was two storeys down. He landed, and ran off into the night. 

“Kyla?” My mother's sleep filled voice came from the hall. I quickly turned in a panic, covering the window with my body. “What are you doing? It’s late?” 

“I was thirsty,” I said quickly.

“I heard you talking to someone?” She looked around me, peering around the corner to the pantry. I shrugged.

“Just to myself, helps me think,” 

“OK sweetheart,” She didn’t believe me, but was too tired to fight about it, yawned and turned back around, “Just get to bed. Big day tomorrow,” 

“Goodnight,” I waved her off, and let out a steady breath as she turned back up the stairs. I looked back down to the street to see if Rafan was still there. He was long gone.

I shut the window, making sure to lock it this time and made myself a hot cup of tea. I took it back upstairs to my bedroom. I looked out my window, the lights of the city flickered in the rain. I grin grew on my face and I could barely contain the squeal of excitement that bubbled up inside me. I had met a Resistance fighter! In my home! And he was so handsome, oh my stars! I was going to meet him again tomorrow! 

The excitement was drowned by guilt quickly. If I went to the Golden Star tomorrow I would be betraying my family, everything my father stands for! How was I even meant to sneak out and find this place? I didn’t know much of the city really, I knew my route from my home to work and to the market but that was it. I’d never seen or even heard of the Golden Star! Maybe the man was just lying, maybe he wasn’t with the resistance at all and was really just an ordinary thief trying to manipulate me so I didn’t raise the alarm.

I sighed, pulled my covers up to my chin and curled up a little tighter. I had twenty-four hours to decide what to do. I had my brother’s presentation all day tomorrow. Would I even be back in time?

Eventually, I fell asleep just as the sun was rising.

--

“Good morning, Miss Olen. Time to wake up!” SAM, our housekeeping droid, announced as she marched into the room. A reprogrammed protocol droid, S.A.M had worked in our house for as long as I could remember. She was almost my third parent. She cooked for us, cleaned up after us, did our schedules, sent messages and received holograms. She had taken care of me and my brother when we were infants and taught us how to read and write before we started school. She also was my morning alarm.

“Good morning Sam,” I yawned and sat up in bed as the droid rolled across my room. 

“You have two hours before you depart for Lonam, do you need my assistance dressing today?” She continued, opening the curtains and the windows behind them.

“No Sam, thank you,” 

“The dress is pressed in your closet and breakfast is ready whenever you would like it,” 

“Thank you Sam,” 

I got out of bed, and over to my closet where I found the green silk dress pressed and hung neatly in the front. I smiled, it was a gorgeous dress. I pulled it down from the rail and pulled out a pair of black heels and put the two articles on. 

I pulled my hair from the tie that was now only loosely holding it in a ponytail and let the curls fall free. I kept my hair down, running some gel through my curly hair to keep them together. Then I put on my makeup, smoky and dark with a red lip. A tried and true look for the First Order but the green of my dress would make me stand out at least. I smiled into the mirror once my look was complete, I looked good. 

“Kyla! You look gorgeous, my dear,” My father said kindly as I entered the dining room.

“Thank you father,” I blushed. A compliment from my father was rare and meant a lot.

“It’s going to be a beautiful day, that will bring more people out for sure. All that rain last night had me worried,” My mother fussed, rushing with her bag between the dining room and the kitchen. 

“The transport has arrived sir,” Sam announced

“Brilliant, just on time,” My father checked his watch and smiled before standing up from the table. 

“Oh Kyla dear, don’t forget this,” My mother fussed. She pulled me to the side and pinned a heavy metal badge to my chest. “There, perfect.” 

I looked down at the object and saw a black and red first order emblem. My mother smiled proudly and kissed my cheek. Rafan was right, there was no way I could be neutral in this house, I was a walking advertisement for the Order. 

Together, my parents and I climbed into the transport and were flown away by the droid in the pilot’s seat to Lonam. 

Lonam was a small town, well hidden in a steep valley it was the perfect place for a core world's First Order presentation. Not that it really mattered to be particularly secretive on Raela as half of the senate where attending the event, it was more for public appearances to the outside galaxy. Raela couldn’t publicly be holding such events, especially not in the capitol. If anyone found out about this it could be marked off as a small anomaly event and nobody would think it was a rally of this importance. 

Not only was this a promotion presentation, it was also a rally for support. The First Order had been gaining traction rapidly, they were becoming a real threat to the New Republic and rumour had it that they were announcing something big today. 

Once we had arrived, we were taken swiftly to our seats. We were a few rows from the front. There were maybe a hundred people in attendance, some first order officers and many stormtroopers lined the outside of the arena. The promoted officers stood on stage all in the black and grey uniform. I spotted my brother at the front, my mother waved but was quickly stopped by my father’s stern gaze. 

The ceremony started, the Admiral stood and presented medals and we in the audience clapped politely. Then, he stood up to the podium to speak. 

“The Supreme Leader thanks you for attending today,” He spoke clearly and proudly, “The support for the Order from the people of Raela is greatly appreciated. We have a historic connection to this great planet and I am so proud to present the newest members of the First Order to you today. I am sure these young men and women will lead us into a brighter future. One where order is restored and the Empire shall reign once again,” The crowd cheered. “And as  many of you know, the Supreme Leader has ordered us to proceed into our next phase. No more will we lurk in the shadows! We are advancing our attack on the Republic and will destroy the Resistance!” The crowd cheered again. “That is why we are announcing our newest weapon. With the funds from Raela we are building… a star killer,” 

A large projection appeared behind the Admiral. A huge ball of metal, with a glowing circle in the centre. While it didn’t look like much, the name struck fear into me. Star Killer. They were going to blow up planets! Whole galaxies. The crowd around me clapped and hollered in celebration as the Admiral grinned and began to talk about the new base’s capabilities. My ears were ringing, I could barely hear anything. This was bad news for everyone! Why were they all celebrating? I could hardly imagine the destruction something so big could do. My mother noticed and jabbed me in the ribs to bring me back to reality. 

“Clap,” She hissed. 

“Sorry,” I lifted my head up and clapped with her. 

Eventually the Admiral and the following speakers finished and we were left to mingle and congratulate. We found my brother quickly, my father toasted him and proudly exclaimed for everyone to hear that Lin would be the next Admiral of the First Order. I rolled my eyes, he had barely become a Major, granted it was quickly but I doubted he would ever become Admiral, even with our father's help. 

I excused myself from the group surrounding my brother and wanted to find some food but was stopped by my mother. She grabbed my arm and turned in towards her. Not saying anything she smoothed down my hair and wiped the mascara from under my eye. 

“Mother, what are you doing,” I whined trying to get out of her grip.

“Armitage Hux?” My mother held my arm tight, forcing me to stay put. I winced but smiled politely as the ginger man in front of us turned around. 

“Sella Olen, what a pleasure to see you again,” The man smiled and took my mother's hand and kissed the back of it. He was tall and pale, his bright hair was striking, slicked back so perfect it barely looked real. He was dressed in the first order’s uniform, a new colonel badge shiny brightly on the arm. He was quite intimidating but made my mother blush and giggle with his action. I wanted to vomit. “And this must be your sister,” 

“Oh stop it,” My mother giggled as she teased him, “this is my daughter. Kyla,” 

“Lovely to meet you too,” He kissed my hand the same as my mother.  

“Well now I’ve introduced you two I must go, my husband’s talking to the Admiral and we all know how that went last time,” My mother and Hux laughed, obviously knowing something I didn’t and she left me alone with him. 

“Well done on your promotion,” I said politely. 

“Thank you, I’m on track for General now,” He boasted, “A few more months and I’ll be there for sure,” 

“I’m sure you will,” 

“You must send on my congratulations to your brother, an major after three months in the Order is very impressive,” He sounded entirely unimpressed. It wasn’t a very close kept secret that nepotism had helped my brother immensely in his promotions.

“I’ve been told he is very skilled,”

“Hm,” Hux hummed, the disdain was obvious and somehow made me like him just a little bit. 

“I wouldn’t be too worried about him. He’ll get high up the ranks but he won’t be any issue. He’s not exactly the leading type and I think if he came anywhere near your position my mother may just choose you over him,” I said with a light laugh, Hux laughed too. 

“I am not worried about him, dear,” Hux said through tight lips. 

“But he should be scared of you,” I finished his thought. Hux didn’t reply, but the sly smile on his face told me everything I needed to know. Lin would be in danger if he ever tried to cross this man, but for now he was complacent with the fact that Lin was still below him and my father did not have authority to promote his own son above Hux just yet. 

Luckily, my mother re-entered the conversation alongside my father, taking the conversation out of my hands. I stood by their side for a while as my father rather icily made conversation with Hux. I slipped away and went to find a quiet corner to relax in for a moment. 

As I sat by myself, I began to take in the event. I noticed the stormtroopers lining the area, there had to be nearly a hundred of them. The blasters in their hands were set ready. The large black flags, hung to the stage, starkly contrasted the lush green trees behind them. There was no hiding what was going on here. If the stormtroopers were not enough, the parade of black and grey uniforms which dotted the place certainly told you. This was the beginnings of a new Empire. The men and women here would be a part of that. I would be a part of that. 

My stomach twisted in on itself at the thought. I took a deep breath, I had to stop thinking like that. Luckily, a waiter with a tray full of alcohol walked past at that very moment. I stood up and stopped him, took two glasses and as he walked away, downed them both. The liquid stung as it went down my throat, making me wince and cough a little. But the effects were quickly felt and the knot in my stomach disappeared. I re-entered the party, this was what my life was. No use thinking otherwise. 

--

A few hours passed, we ate the lunch provided and everyone began to file out to the waiting transporters. My family climbed in one, and I began to relax a little. It was over. 

“So what do you think of Armitage, honey?” My mother said, cheerfully as we pulled away.

“Hm?” I wasn’t really listening, “Oh um he was nice,” I said trying to sound confident in my answer. 

“He would make a great husband for you, I think,” 

“Do you?” I asked, already bored by the conversation. We had had this conversation many times. In fact, Armitage was just the last in a long line of First Order members my mother wanted me to marry.

“She can’t marry that asshole,” Lin grumbled.

“Language,” My father scolded from behind his datapad.

“He’s going to be General, you know,” My mother added, as if that fact would make me instantly change my mind.

“So am I,” Lin whined.

“You’re her brother dear, that doesn’t matter,” My mother said. “Kyla, you need to really think about it. Your children could run the galaxy someday!” 

“I don’t know. I don’t think he really liked me,” I said honestly. He really didn’t seem interested in me at all.

“I should work out a dinner date for you two. This could be really good for us dear,” 

“Yes mother,” I sighed, there was no way out of that one and I would rather the conversation stopped before we could get any real details of this date.

“You’re father agrees, don’t you dear?” 

“Yes dear,” My father replied flatly, not looking up from his datapad. My mother smiled and took my hand. 

“Think about it, such cute little red head babies running around. Wouldn’t it just be delightful!” 

My brother frowned, mimicking being sick. I laughed, glad at least someone was on my side, even if it was only out of rivalry with the man in question. My mother scolded him but didn’t bring it up again for the remainder of the journey. 

I looked out the window, watching the scenery fly by. All this talk of the Order was making me think about Rafan’s offer. Let’s say I went for this Hux, married him. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to understand the other side a bit better. I barely knew anything about the Resistance, not many people on Raela did. I would only be conflicted, as long as I was curious. My fear would disappear when I realised that everyone was right all along. 

I decided at that moment that I would go to the Golden Star. If it turned out to be a trick then so be it, my point would be proven and I wouldn’t have to feel so guilty anymore for thinking about the Resistance.

--

Next Chapter ->

hmm what do you think? Should Kyla go to meet Rafan? Is he who he says he is at all? What do we think of Hux? Let me know!! 

tagging: @dracos-jedi-marvel @aliciaxglasgow @cajunquandary @brujademente @waatermelon-sugaar @anstarwar @this-cat-is-dea @seafrost-fangirl @grincheveryday @dindjarinsleftvambrace​

#i love this chapter ngl #my love for rafan is immense he's so fun #ascent of the emissary #star wars fan fiction #star wars imagines #star wars x reader #original fiction #hux x reader #general hux x reader #general hux x ofc #star wars x ofc #rafan x kyla #poe dameron x reader #the first order #the resistance #the manadalorian #sw #swu #OC #OFC #molly writes

[ryugi]

hello friends !! i’m kyla ( she/her ) , it’s nice to meet you all and i hope you are ready to meet this knucklehead girl, gi is a miss or hit and is ready to take a lot of risks around town. . . i’ll put some bullet points about her below if you are interested in plotting with us. i’m really excited to write with everyone asap so please don’t be shy and like this, i will slide into your ims in no time <3 btw for the discord lovers hit me on rhy#0273 .

the basics. // guess the 21 YEAR OLD APRIL baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because RYU GI is just as EXASPERATING as the month of APRIL. wait, why do they remind me of KIM YERIM? beyond that, they seemed ADAPTABLE & BRAVE upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of JUDGMENTAL & UNRELIABLE though. i hope they get acquainted here in COMPLEX 2 / APARTMENT 2 / FLOOR 2 ; SHE seems to have a lot going on with HER job as DJ.

background.

ryu gi was born on april 18 in the year of 1999. her mother is a fashion executive, living alone in new york at the time of her birth, they both lived together in a nyc apartment until gi was about three years old.

when she was three her mother decided it she needed to balance more her career in fashion and her mother life, so she went back to live with her parents in seoul. 

while her grandparentes were distant, lacked affection and time they had money and put all their grandaughters wishes in cash.

she was never a bad or an actual rebellious child, but gi slowly became aware that she wasn’t wanted that badly by her blood family and that did made her bitter with time.

after enoumous feuds with her mother, she was sent to a branksome hall asia which is a boarding school in jeju, gi was thirteen at the time.

she didn’t actually hate her time in boarding school, in fact she became much more extrovert after her years away from home. it became a place where she could be more herself, she realized she didn’t exactly needed her family to find love.

when gi was seventeen she graduaded well and went to live with her mom in seoul, but that didn’t work either because her mother was seeing a new guy that was super abusive and weird towards gi. 

so on her eighteen birthday gi ran away from home for the first time, she brought a ticket with her mothers money to viena and spent a week there before her grandfather brought her back.

she ran away by stealing her granparents and mother’s money a few times later, but always went back when the money was short. they all turn a blind eye to her behavior, like the attention she was seeking wasn’t enough.

then eventually gi gave up, when she didn’t get into any college she wanted she decided to work for real. it was hard at the begging because she didn’t knew much, but she found something she liked to do and went head into it.

she says she has experience from being a dj from all the parties she snucked into since she was seventeen and left boarding school, and that’s actually true.

personality.

despite her rich girl stunt gi is a very quick learner, she likes living on the edge, observing others and taking advantage of situations. she doesn’t have a great goal in life yet she is surprisingly ambitious, wants to be powerful and live a lavish life on her own terms. 

a little hypocritic too because in spite of everything she still goes for her grandparents for money when she needs it, with her own ways of manipulation she always gets what she wants.

gi is a funny gemini girl, indecisive, hard to deal with, very judgmental, but still a honest and kindhearted friend. she doesn’t give up easily, loves changes of scenes.

deep down she wants to have a degree in engineering, chemistry or something nerdy like that, but at the same time she doesn’t plan at all in studying to try for college again.

she loves britney spears and paramore, 90′s pop music, has a scrapbook for every movie she watched since she was fourteen, has an interest in photography even though all the pictures she takes turns out blurry, can’t take care of animals but she has a cactus, black coffee kind of girl.

A LOUD NEIGHBOUR, unfortunally. she blasts music, sings, parties, plays guitar hero, even have loud sex... also her apartment is a mess that she won’t apologize for.

wanted connections.

someone she knows since childhood, it doesn’t matter how they background match or not could be from school or something similar. friends, enemies, lovers, anything! 

someone that was nice enough to let her crash for a few days when she ran away from home in her eighteens, they could be friends or just acquaintacce anyways gi feels like she is in debt with your muse.

someone she is a horrible friend to, they were good once but now they changed and can’t accept each other so they are bitter and mean instead of just ending things.

party friends!! they aren’t necessarily important for each other, but they are there when things are fun and glittery. might even do crazy things together.

feuds with neighbourhoods, calling my april babies! someone that just hates having gi as their neighbour, they get in arguments everytime they see each other. we can develop this in a lot of ways!

fwb!! one, two, three.. i don’t care how many, neither their gender, just want some.

someone gi has feelings for, good ones, like love ones, that she can’t express so she just wonders around this person like a dumb bitch. they probably have no idea!

an ex boyfriend/girlfriend that ended in bad terms, she most definitely wasn’t the best girlfriend while they were daiting and both left with a broken heart.

i will be uptading this once i think of more !! but if you had any other ideas lmk too 

#dallyeog:intro #guess i should maybe tag as #tw: long post #heello #here is almost 11pm but hey #what is time right? #like this and count 3 secs #ill be on your ims kjk #ty goodnight

[van-yangyin]

Jack Santos's post

(This is a post from his point of view)

~🎶~

¿Debería escribir esta publicación en español, inglés o japonés?

Ok, I better write it in English so more people can understand me.　Can I "die" for being an indecisive person? If I only knew one language I wouldn't have so many problems, I think life would be easier for me. Here we go, me as ToonMe singing a lullaby song to Kyla.

I had to add some facial hair, because it didn't exist this way.

Aris said us, to Kyle and me, to do if we wanted in our version, it has been hard not to do it when our little Kyla has constantly asked to see us too, so I think it's ok if I share it here as well.

And here with my open eyes, because Kyla said if I didn't show my beautiful eyes she would be sad, and I can't say no to su carita de manzana

So now I'm looking forward to seeing Kyle and our little Kyla as an adult (que extraño suena decir "como adulta" a nuestra pequeña y dulce Kyla) in this version.

It's a lot of fun, do it if you like to have fun, here. Diviértete!

~🎶~

If you want to see a render of Jack singing to their little Kyla, go here.

#picrew #sims 4 #oc: Jack Santos #ocs: JAKK #our sims #my sims #lea-heartscxiv #van-yangyin #non sims #but it's about our ocs that i use too on our sims gameplay so that's why i tag it as sims 4 too bc its a post made by him

[crowdvscritic]

round up // JANUARY 21

New year, not-so-new Crowd vs. Critic! It’s another batch of films, TV, music, and reads that were new to me this month and think you would enjoy, too. As we cozy up inside for the winter, nothing warms you up like a good piece of pop culture.

January Crowd-Pleasers

Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)

Does this sequel reach the heights of 2017’s Wonder Woman? No, but I wish more superhero movies were like this one. I explain why at ZekeFilm. Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 8/10

21 Bridges (2019)

A solid action crime thriller with a solid Chadwick Boseman at the center. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

The Lethal Weapon Series (1987-98)

I watched the first Lethal Weapon in 2017 for ZekeFilm, but now I’ve a decade’s pleasure of progressively over-the-top action sequences and progressively more absurd ways to destroy Roger Murtaugh’s (Danny Glover) house. The Murtaugh/Riggs bromance holds this progressively sillier series together, and an supporting cast of charismatic actors (Jet Li, Darlene Love, Chris Rock, Rene Russo) are game for whatever comes their way. Joe Pesci is the true MVP. Series Crowd: 9/10 // Series Critic: 7/10

The High Note (2020)

Tracee Ellis Ross’s Grace Davis is a diva in every sense of the word. A high-strung and highly successful singer, she’s also highly demanding of her assistant Maggie (Dakota Johnson), who wants to step out of her shadow and become a music producer. This rom-com-adjacent flick is one of the most fun escapes I’ve had from a 2020 movie, and it’s perfect for a girls’ night in. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10

Double Feature—Rom-Coms With a Magical Twist: Just My Luck (2006) + When In Rome (2010)

Disclaimer: These movies are not good. In fact, they’re junk, but they’re my kind of junk. In Just My Luck (Crowd: 7.5/10 // Critic: 6/10), Lindsay Lohan loses her life-long lucky streak when she kisses schlimazel Chris Pine. And When in Rome (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 6/10), Kristen Bell attracts unwanted admirers (Will Arnett, Danny DeVito, Josh Duhamel, Jon Heder, and real-life future husband Dax Shepard) after she steals their coins from a wishing fountain. To their credit, both of these movies know they’re silly, which means you have permission to just sit back and laugh along with (or, honestly, at) them.

WandaVision (2021)

I sometimes fear for the world of entertainment when I think of how much intellectual property Disney has gobbled up, but WandaVision is evidence the company is a benevolent dictator at least for now. This odd delight is a send up and a tribute to sitcoms like I Love Lucy, I Dream of Jeannie, and The Brady Bunch, and Paul Bettany and Elizabeth Olsen are so charming and weird I don’t need whatever mysterious sub-plot they’re building.

Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)

If you want to make the most of watching Robin Hood: Men in Tights, first watch Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991), an action flick I saw last February and didn’t include in my monthly Round Up. This Mel Brooks spoof is a direct response that self-serious Kevin Costner adventure, even down to copying its costumes. While I wish I could find a Mel Brooks comedy with any substantial female character (in every movie I’ve seen so far, the joke is either, “She’s got a great rack!” or “Wow, she’s an uggo!”), I still couldn’t stop laughing at this 104-minute version of the Robin Hood scene in Shrek. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10

Aliens (1986)

Peak ‘80s action. Peak alien grossness. Peak girl boss Sigourney Weaver. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/.510

Big (1988)

After talking about Laverne & Shirley with Kyla on SO IT’S A SHOW?, I had to check out Penny Marshall’s classic. While a few moments haven’t aged so well, its heart is sweet and the script is hilarious. And that Tom Hanks? I think he’s going places. Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 8/10

Unstoppable (2010)

I’ve laughed at SNL’s spoof of this movie for a decade, so it’s about time I got around to enjoying this action thriller very loosely based on the true story of a train that got away from its conductor. Denzel Washington (“You’re too old!”) and Chris Pine (“You’re too young!”) are our heroes in this over-the-top ridiculousness, and their chemistry is so extra it makes me hope they team up for another movie again. Crowd:  9/10 // Critic: 7/10

January Critic Picks

Double Feature—‘90s Space Adventures: Apollo 13 (1995) + Contact (1997)

I have no desire to join Tom Cruise as he films in space, but I know I’ll be pumped to watch whatever he makes because I love sci-fi and space  adventures. Apollo 13 (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9/10) tells the story of an almost-disastrous NASA mission in the ‘60s, and it taps into our hope for the human spirit to overcome obstacles. Contact (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10) surmises what might happen if we received communication from extraterrestrial life, and it taps into our struggle to reconcile faith and science.

McCartney III by Paul McCartney (2020)

I spent January catching up on the albums on Best of 2020 lists, and the one I listened to for hours and hours was Paul McCartney’s latest solo album. Catchy, thoughtful, and musically surprising, it ranges from pop to rock to folk in 45 minutes and still feels like it’s over too soon. Like Tom Hanks, this Paul McCartney guy is going places!

The Thin Man Series (1934-47)

Like Lethal Weapon, I watched the first installment of The Thin Man awhile back, and Kyla and I even covered the series on our podcast. But thanks to a full series marathon on TCM earlier this month, I’ve now laughed through all five. When you talk about great chemistry, you’ve got to talk about William Powell and Myrna Loy, who make Nick and Nora’s marriage feel lived in and romantic as they solve crimes together. Witty, suspenseful, and jaunty, this series is still sexy cool over 80 years later. (Also, Asta? Still one of the cutest dogs in cinema.) Series Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

The King and I (1956)

Here’s your regularly scheduled reminder Hollywood works differently now, and many casting decisions of the ‘50s wouldn’t fly today. What has aged well in this film: The Rodgers and Hammerstein music and the sumptuous costumes and set design. I love extravagant musicals of yesteryear—perhaps it’s time for Hollywood to revisit and remake The King and I for modern audiences?

Inauguration Day

In a year with no major televised events with celebrities in a room together, Inauguration Day felt like the most exciting cultural event in ages. We’ve been missing major fashion, but then we got Lady Gaga! We’ve been missing live performances, but then we got Amanda Gorman! And I got a lot of tears during that poem—not just me, right?

Good Reads

Writing that made me think and smile this month:

Steven Soderbergh’s list of everything he read, watched, and listened to this year, Extension765.com (2020) – An indirect inspiration for these monthly Round Ups!

“My Year of Making Lists,” NewYorker.com (2020) – I made a lot of lists in 2020, so I feel this author’s #mood

“Betty White Says She Will Spend Her 99th Birthday Feeding Two Ducks Who Visit Her ‘Every Day,’“ CBSNews.com (2021) - “Betty is a treasure,” I say as I watch The Proposal for the 99th time

“A Sculpture’s Unusual Journey to SLAM [St. Louis Art Museum],” SLAM.org (2020) – With a casual mention of an attraction I never knew about in St. Louis

“The Culture Is Ailing. It’s Time for a Dr. Fauci for the Arts.” WashingtonPost.com (2020) – An idea that occurred to me a few months ago: Why don’t we have an Arts Cabinet?

“The Arts Are in Crisis. Here’s How Biden Can Help.” NYTimes.com (2021) – Partly in response to that Washington Post piece, a historical look at how artists have made it through difficult times in the past and how we can revive artists’ livelihoods mid- and post-pandemic

“The Right’s Message to Silicon Valley: 'Free Speech for Me, But Not for Thee,'” TIME.com (2021) – A more thoughtful and less reactionary take on a volatile moment in the history of modern technology

“'It Makes Me Sick With Grief': Trump's Presidency Divided Families. What Happens to Them Now?” TIME.com (2021) – A study on how politics has done damage to family dynamics in America

“Help, the Only Cinema I Can Handle Is Zac Efron Prancing Angrily in High School Musical 2,” Vulture.com (2021) - In a lot of ways, same

“50 Easy Things To Do When You are Anxious,” ShopTwentySeven.com (2021) – I especially endorse coloring, puzzling, and watching happy movies!

Double Feature—Miss Marple Mysteries: Murder at the Gallop (1963) + Murder Ahoy (1964)

Remember when I was all like, “Watch these Agatha Christie movies so you’re not sad Death on the Nile is delayed”? Remember when I said I was just a few movies away from becoming an Agatha Christie junkie? Well, I think I’m there because I can’t stop with the murder mysteries! Margaret Rutherford is a treasure whether she’s solving a murder at a horse ranch or on a boat, and a cast of colorful supporting characters (including Rutherford’s husband) makes these breezy instead of heavy. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8/10

8½ (1963)

File this with 2001: A Space Odyssey—I don’t know if I really understood this film, but I think I liked it? Federico Fellini’s surrealist, male gaze-y drama blurs the lines between reality and imagination, love and dysfunction, and the past and maybe some future that involves clowns? What resonated with me was the story of a director with creative block, wondering if he’s already peaked and if he’ll create anything worthwhile again. Crowd: 6/10 // Critic: 9/10

Sense and Sensibility: The Screenplay and Diaries by Emma Thompson (1995)

Sense and Sensibility is not just one of my favorite Jane Austen adaptations—it’s one of my all-time favorite films. One of the co-hosts of one of my favorite podcasts has raved many-a-time about Emma Thompson’s journals from the making of film, so it was only a matter of time before I read them myself. Witty, informative, and all-around lovely, Thompson’s journals are an excellent insight into the filmmaking process and how novels are adapted.

Also in January…

I reviewed the new-ish documentary Flannery for ZekeFilm, which is all about the writer Flannery O’Connor and feels a little like going back to high school English class.

In addition to the Lethal Weapon and Thin Man series, I rewatched all of the X-Men series this month. You can see everything I am watching on Letterboxd, including favorites I love returning to (i.e. X-Men: Days of Future Past) and the movies I try that don’t make my monthly recommendations (i.e. The Wolverine).

Photo credits: Paul McCartney, Zac Efron, Sense & Sensibility. All others IMDb.com.

#Round Up #Wonder Woman 1984 #21 Bridges #Lethal Weapon #The High Note #Just My Luck #When in Rome #WandaVision #Robin Hood: Men in Tights #Aliens #Big #Unstoppable #Apollo 13 #Contact #McCartney III #The Thin Man #The King and I #Amanda Gorman #Murder at the Gallop #Murder Ahoy #Miss Marple #8 1/2 #Sense and Sensibility #Emma Thompson

[tlbodine]

A Plea for Some Non-Cringe Native American Representation

There’s something that has bothered me for a real long time, and I haven’t said anything because it didn’t really feel like my place to say it. But if pasty white folks across the country will insist on continuing to make these books and comics and movies, then I guess this pasty white girl can make a plea to do it better. 

So. Here’s the deal. Native American representation in fiction sucks. 

We’re going to talk about why, and then talk about some ways you can do it better. And it’s going to take a while, so join me under the cut. 

PROBLEM #1: Erasure 

The first problem with First Nations people being represented in fiction is that it, uh...doesn’t happen very often. It’s pretty rare for a show or movie or book to have a Native character, and even rarer for that character to exist without being a vehicle/mouthpiece for some kind of hamfisted message. 

And, of course, Native characters who do show up in movies are sometimes played by non-Native actors, which is just. Um. 

somebody fucking kill me I don’t want to live on this planet anymore. 

PROBLEM #2: The Same Stock Character Over and Over and Over 

There’s this weird thing where TV shows have A Very Special Native American Episode(tm) where a Native American character shows up in a storyline designed to, idk, provide a tidy outlet for the viewer’s white guilt or something. I see this a lot in superhero stories for...some reason: 

Batman and Chief Screaming Eagle (ok, it was the 1960s, surely things have gotten better right? oh...) who’s butting heads with a villain over a bad contract for, uh, the chief’s ancestral lands

There was the Buffy episode “Pangs” where a Chumash vengeance spirit is the villain-of-the day after being disturbed by some construction (and this is honestly one of the better treatments of the premise, at least the episode is well-written) 

There was the Smallville episode with Kyla Willowbrook, the Kawatche Skinwalker (I know, I know) who for bonus points dies tragically in Clark’s arms (I KNOW) and who was deeply concerned with...with some construction...disturbing her sacred homesite...(this is starting to sound familiar)

And then there was The Flash episode where Barry is forced to fight with the complicated-yet-tragically-evil Native American activist woman whose crimes involve stealing cultural artifacts that belong to to the museum (yes I’m screaming) and also murdering people...y’know, for vengeance and stuff. 

I could keep going but I really don’t think I have to. When your only representation of a culture is a character (frequently a smoking-hot member of the opposite sex to the hero) who is an ambiguous villain who is motivated by vengeance and/or justice over having their land/cultural artifacts disturbed, and who has a valid claim but is really going about it in the wrong way and whose tragic death and/or defeat really gives the white character something complex to think about for two seconds.... well. That’s more than a little racist. 

PROBLEM #3: These Are Not Your Stories to Tell 

You know what white people love doing? 

They love appropriating Native culture! Seriously! They love it! And who can blame them, really? Native people have so much rich symbolism and mythology and cool clothes and neat aesthetics. Painted war ponies and buckskin dresses and shapeshifters and monsters, oh my! Indian burial grounds and vengeful spirits (oh for fuck sake enough with the vengeful Indian trope)

But here’s the deal: 

The mythology you’re borrowing from belongs to a group of people who are still alive and sometimes practicing the religion you’re liberally reinterpreting 

There is no such thing as a “Native American” myth. You’re talking about literally hundreds of different tribes who are culturally distinct from one another and have their own complex histories of interaction, diplomacy, war, friendship, etc. with one another for centuries before white folk got here. You erase all of that when you treat Native culture as a grab-bag of cool things you can mix and match to your liking. 

Maybe, just a thought, stop it with the oppression narratives about activists and/or vengeful spirits who are real threatened by white people disturbing their homes? It’s not that there isn’t a lot to unpack in that -- I mean, white people really did conduct mass genocide against a race of people, for starters -- it’s just that this isn’t really your oppression narrative to tell. 

It seems to me that folks writing about Native Americans don’t actually have any idea what Native people are like? They either think of them as anachronistic figures, an extinct and ancient group, or they think of them as people really hung up on their cultural past. Because maybe people can’t think of anything to do with a Native character other than use it as a vocal mouthpiece of one very specific part of their cultural oppression.

But please. Please stop. That is every bit as stupid and racist as making a Black character who only talks about slavery, or a Jewish character who only talks about the Holocaust, or giving all of your gay characters AIDS. 

So what do you do instead? 

Writing Native Characters in a Way That Does Not Suck - A Quick Primer 

I can’t write a definitive guide on writing good Native representation, because there is no such guide, and if there were it would take a whole book probably, and I am not in any way even remotely an authority. 

But I can give you some pointers that will help you. 

(And to be honest, Native representation is so awful that the bar here is really super low, even just attempting a tiny bit is a really welcome breath of fresh air)

Choose a Tribe 

Step one: Figure out what kind of Native people you’re writing about. 

Because, as previously noted, Native People Are Not A Monoculture. 

How do you pick a tribe? Well, start with geography. Where do you want the story to take place? Obviously people move around, so you can find folks outside of their ancestral lands, but they all started someplace, and a lot of people live where their parents and grandparents and cousins all live. 

So where does your story take place? Pick a spot. Then find out what tribes live in that region. It’s not a secret. There are maps:

(Source: http://www.emersonkent.com/map_archive/native_american_tribes_map.htm) 

Or maybe you want to go about this in a different way. Maybe you have a specific story idea in mind and you want to write it in a way that would be accurate and respectful. Cool! A good first step on that is to figure out what tribe actually does the thing you’re wanting to write about. 

Skinwalkers, for example, originate in the Navajo Nation (Dine` people), although there are related myths from surrounding tribes in the area. 

If you’re writing a story about Wendigo, then you should know those myths originate with the Algonquin people of Quebec and Ontario.

If you’re writing something with spiritually significant buffalo, you should probably choose a culture that actually interacted with buffalo -- ie, a Plains Indian tribe like the Lakota-Sioux people. 

And so on and so forth. 

(Note that this is only the first step. You still have to do a lot of research after this to be sure you’re doing everything properly and respectfully. And, y’know, maybe reconsider if you actually want to tell a story respecting that mythology, or if you just want to sound cool and exotic) 

Also, personal preference: Please don’t make your characters Cherokee if you’re just going for “character with Native ancestry.” Please choose a different tribe. For a lot of complicated (and sometimes surprisingly racist) reasons, white people have been claiming Cherokee heritage for a long time, and even when it’s true, it feels cheap and cringey in fiction. If you want to tell a story about the Trail of Tears or something set in Tahlequa, Oklahoma, great! Write Cherokee characters! But if you just want a Native American character for other reasons...pick a different tribe. 

Choose a Name 

Fun fact: Modern Native people that you meet out on the street don’t have names like “Stands With Fists” or “Running Bear.”  

If you have an impulse to name your character any kind of descriptive “adjective + animal” name...just don’t. Please. And don’t go to BehindTheName or some other random site to pick out something that “sounds” Native. 

Names in other cultures are tricky. Some (but not all!) Native people may have a cultural tradition of having multiple names, including naming ceremonies (often as a rite of passage in adolescence). Some tribes have clan names. Everybody’s different. But these special names are culturally sensitive, often sacred, and are not a thing readily accessible to white people. White folks spent centuries trying to wipe out Indigenous people’s belief systems; they deserve to have some things kept private and sacred. 

So what I’m getting at here is that white writers really, really should not touch on the “Indian naming ceremony” trope at all if they can help it, because it’s gonna be real hard to get the details right, and getting the details wrong is going to make you sound like an ignorant racist. And most of the time, it’s not really that important to a story. 

Most contemporary Native people have regular English names. They may also have tribal names and clan names (that they may or may not share with outsiders). But lots of tribal members don’t, and that doesn’t make them any less Native. 

My recommendation for naming your Native characters? Find real people from the time period, tribe, and region you’re writing in. Find a phone book or newspaper from a town on or near a reservation for your chosen tribe. Look at names of participants in powwows. Look at the sports rosters for Native schools. Look at historical records like census data from the year you’re writing about. Don’t just make things up. 

** One Note: You know how “black” names are a thing? You encounter a similar sort of thing in some contemporary Native Americans. I grew up with a lot of kids who had “weird” names like Kirby, Sheriden, Baskerville, Sterling and Precious. (and by “weird” I mean “names middle-class white people don’t tend to use”). There’s also a lot of black-sounding names in Native populations. There’s some complex reasons behind this, and a lot of sociology of naming, and I won’t spend too much time on it right now but just...so you know. It’s a thing. 

Write a Human Being 

This really is the biggest thing, and it’s true of every writing you do, all the time, no matter what: Write a real person and not a caricature. 

Native people are people first. Their cultural heritage affects them the way anyone else’s culture does. The things they eat, wear, do, believe, the stories they know, etc. are all affected. But Native people don’t have a responsibility to be walking representatives of their tribes. And they definitely shouldn’t be a vessel for white guilt. 

(Fun fact: “Iron Eyes Cody,” maybe best known for the “Crying Indian” role in a commercial about pollution, was an Italian-American born  Espera Oscar de Corti) 

Here’s a really, really good article I found while working on this rant that might be of interest to you as wellas you set out on this quest:  https://mashable.com/2015/03/24/american-indians-tv/

I still have so much to say on this topic, and maybe I’ll write more in the future, but this is already very long so I’ll stop. I hope this has been at least a little bit helpful for y’all. Go forth and write non-terrible characters, I beg of you. 

*Disclaimer: I am not a Native person and do not claim any special knowledge or ownership of Native culture, and I beg you to please listen to Native voices when possible in your creative endeavors. I’m just a gal who happened to have spent most of my life living near reservations and growing up around Native people and having Native friends and being taught about historical cultures by my mother who has a degree in Southwest Studies and has done a lot of formal and informal research due to her own interests in the topic. 

If you found this article helpful at all, please consider dropping a tip in my tip jar.

I also have a book coming out! You can pre-order it now! It features a main character of mixed heritage, New Mexico reservation border towns, and zombies trying to get by like everybody else. 

Pre-Order now on B&N: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/river-of-souls-t-l-bodine/1131956124

Or on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/River-Souls-T-L-Bodine/dp/1950305015

Or from the publisher: http://journalstone.com/bookstore/river-of-souls/?fbclid=IwAR14Qna5tMgWBV0We2uGSLreBkmyvZ5SoDAzPQpTKeFn4JR4PWSyKGl0VEo

Or add it to your Goodreads library: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/46183381-river-of-souls

#how to write #writing advice #native americans #cultural appropriation #representation #long post #but please do read it #I worked on this all day

[livlepretre]

This is a great ask set—I’d love to hear about 12, 13, and 24!

12. favorite character to write about this year:

Well, I think the obvious answer is Queen Elena– because how is it possible not to love her? She embodies one of my very favorite tropes, which is the human coming out victorious against what should be the unconquerable inhuman, and doing it by hook and by crook. I’ve had ample opportunity to write about this with FE, and Elena hasn’t even played her biggest cards yet, so I am thrilled with that. It’s kind of a wild ride writing someone who keeps so many secrets and leaves so much unsaid, and yet is such an internal person, with everything kept under the surface. She’s also wonderfully tragic, and recklessly brave, and has a lot of mythic elements that tease the at the dichotomy between her fragility as a mortal and this palpably terrifying larger than life quality I’ve always imagined her to have. 

Other than Elena– Stefan and Marcel have both been great fun. Well, I say fun. Imagining what Marcel and Elena’s dynamic would be like stretched the limits for me pretty far, since they never catch wind of each other canonically, but Marcel is just so cool under pressure–  a lot like Elena, actually. I didn’t intend for them to have such an intense connection, that just completely wrote itself. 

And as for Stefan! He didn’t make too many appearances this year, but when he did my heart was basically in shreds. There’s something incredibly satisfying about writing the helpless downward spiral he and Elena are stuck on. 

13. favorite writing song/artist/album of this year: 

Gosh, there are a lot of songs I listen to A LOT when I write, or when I’m trying to amp myself up to write– aaand this is quickly becoming a really long answer, but FE requires a lot of mood music! 

Never Met a Girl Like You Before by the Insects– I heard this song for the first time probably in the spring of 2016, around the time I started publishing FE. I knew as soon as I heard it that this is the sound of the fic, the hazy, claustrophobic, out of control, sure to be a doomed and passionate affair feeling of the fic. This song literally sounds like an obsession to me.

All My Heart by the Mynabirds

Because the Night by Garbage and the Screaming Females

There is a Light That Never Goes Out by The Smiths

Handle with Care by Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins

Like a River Runs by Bleachers 

The Only One by Holly Miranda

Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex

Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You, Baby by Cigarettes After Sex

Gallery Piece by of Montreal

Sweet Dreams by Emily Browning

Vampire Smile by Kyla LaGrange

Home by Daughter

In the Pines by Widowspeak

All in White by the Vaccines 

I Always Knew by the Vaccines (honestly this is when I know I’m down the rabbit hole too far lol) 

I Don’t Want Love by the Antler

Make It Without You by Andrew Belle

Generals by the Mynabirds

24. favorite fic you read this year: 

Without a Doubt @innermostplanet‘s The Hangman’s Hands. It’s an MCU fic picking up from the end of the first avengers movie, “Thor and Loki never make it back to Asgard. Now S.H.I.E.L.D. is stuck with the world’s most hated war criminal on their hands and everyone wants a piece - unless they can find a way to get rid of him for good.” Jane/Thor and also Jane/Loki, in a way that gives satisfying weight to both. 

I can’t speak highly enough about this gem– it’s one of those stories that leaves me breathless, reeling from the dark beauty of the prose, the thoughtful, often painful, insights into the characters, and just the scope of how very far the story goes from where it begins. I’m a sucker for like… all of the tropes employed, and the writer often threw all of my assumptions as a reader against me in a savagely thrilling way. I learned a lot about writing fic from this, too– about how to shape a long narrative, about how threads of plot and character development can be resolved, and maybe what the point of writing a fic even is, at least for me. 

Thank you for the ask @mercurialobsession! 

#ask #my fic #the hangman's hands

[futurehalted]

NAME: charlie!  NICKNAME: mooks & batz’. im also called by my first last name and shortened versions of it. AGE: 22 FACE CLAIM: i use spidey or america chavez but it comes and goes PRONOUNS: they/them  HEIGHT: like 5′9″ ish? i like to push it though BIRTHDAY: october 8th,,, im a libra 

AESTHETIC: early 20th century. olive green wartime. molotov cocktails and revolution. but also: smiling bears and yellow flowers and the lush green of the forest. i am nothing if im not contradictory.

LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO: happy by mitski as im typing this

FAVORITE MUSE ( S ) YOU’VE WRITTEN: my favorite muse is one i actually havent written on here except for those like, other oc memes i used to r more often. her name’s kyla and hopefullly ill get to put her on my multi if i ever finish that lol. of the ones i have written on here tho, its definitely like a three way tie between lotus, emiliano, and aarav. i mean, i love the thompsons, but i feel like stating them here is redundant lmao. they’re included but like..... yall know who they are kdjxfgnd. lotus bc she’s a longtime oc who i’ve had since forever and i loooove developing her and talking ab her. my babey. my angel. queen of character development. and i love emiliano bc it gives me a chance to talk ab my culture and he and alondra are basically a big ol allegory for the american dream. i’d die for the valdez canul’s. and i looove aarav, even though he was pretty short lived, bc he was a chance to talk ab my profession and space and space travel which are all subjects im super passionate ab. i love all my ocs but a lot of them havent been brought to tungly fdfghfg

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO TAKE ON YOUR CURRENT MUSE ( THAT YOU ARE POSTING THIS ON ): quick fun fact: everything about my life is deeply fucked up and i am irreversibly traumatized because of it. when i was younger i used a lot of things to cope with it, especially the dark aspects of my life, and outside of all the Bad Stuff i used to cope, i ended up projecting myself onto two characters, who eventually evolved into isa and eddie. at a certain point, i didnt need them anymore, but i was too attached to let go. so i ended up writing them as a hobby and developing them into ocs that were separate from my trauma. now that i have proper ways to cope and recover, i dont need them to project onto anymore. i just have them now and i write them bc uhhhhh who else is going to, duh.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ASPECTS OF YOUR CURRENT MUSE: sibling relationships babey!!!!! sibling dynamics are some of my favorite dynamics always, maybe bc im the middle of nine kids but. yknow. i love alba too and how hard she works too but still. i am weak for well written sibling dynamics. 

WHAT’S YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING: oh im very in and out w inspo. if u can get me to talk ab isa and eddie and alba tho then its easier for me to write tbh just bc i start to get jazzed

FAVORITE TYPES OF THREADS: i love light hearted things, like comedy and slice of life and fluff, just bc the world is so dark and its nice to have some light hearted content. doing angst 24/7, even though isa eddie and alba all have pretty sad stories, would tire me. 

BIGGEST STRUGGLE IN REGARDS TO YOUR CURRENT MUSE: meh, theres not a lot. i know everything about them, though, so its hard to kinda figure out new things about them without like prompts. and even then i know things in a lot of those prompts! 

tagged by: @sepiacasket  tagging: @naivelost @armsdealing @softestmood @bunchings and whoever is feeling it. i condone stealing

#( * mun tag. )