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whatifyoulivelikethat · 3 years

Text

bao | myg | 2

pairing(s): yoongi x reader

summary: Min Yoongi is always late to start work. He’s late in starting a lot of things. Like telling you he loves you.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; mentions of parental injury/surgery; SO MUCH fluff; non-idol!AU; (slightly more) jealous deliveryboy!Yoongi x hardworking chef!reader ft. bao fiend, next-door neighbor, model!Taehyung who can’t cook to save his life lol

"What's wrong?" Kim Taehyung asked as he bit into his bao. He asked for an extra sweet bun for his manager today. "Is it your dad?" he added, concern laced on his voice.

"No, not really. He has a checkup tomorrow." You gnawed on your lip as he excitedly chomped into his saucy beef bun. "Hopefully he's recovering well." You rubbed your forehead. Day by day, you could see Yoongi’s black eye healing, but you couldn’t help but worry about him. He had promised not to punch anyone heedlessly, but you doubted he meant it. "Don't get injured, Taehyung."

Taehyung raised his eyebrows. "Why would I get injured?"

"I don't know, but don't. I don't need any more stress," you chuckled dryly, not really amused but unsure exactly how you were feeling.

Taehyung tilted his head.

"Are you lonely?"

You raised your head. "Huh?"

"Have you seen your parents in person?"

You blinked. "Well, no. I have to prep, clean, and do errands on my off day. But I video call them often."

Taehyung shrugged. "You used to work at the counter and talk to people all day. Now you're only in the kitchen and the only human beings you see consistently are the delivery guy and I, right? They're all short interactions too." His brown eyes softened, almost parental. "It must be lonely."

You exhaled, feeling the invisible weight of the days’ past. "Maybe..."

Taehyung smiled. "Tell you what. I got a short day this week, so I'll stop by and help out. Just for fun!" He grinned wider now as you paled a bit at the thought. "You don't even have to pay me. I can do stuff!"

"Like what?" you laughed. "You can't cook, Taehyung."

He paused, realizing that was true. "I can clean!"

"You want to clean all day?"

"... I can eat!"

"Min Yoongi, Kim Taehyung."

Taehyung stuck his flour-covered hand out. "Hello! It's nice to meet you."

Yoongi blinked at his hand and gave him a small nod instead. Taehyung seemed to realize it was dirty and wiped his hands on a spare towel before eagerly grabbing Yoongi's hand and shaking it furiously. "I heard you're really dependable, hyung!"

Yoongi raised an eyebrow as his entire body shook with the force of Taehyung's handshake. He turned to your chuckling form rolling dough out into a circle.

"That's the biggest lie you've ever told."

You smiled as you filled the dough circle with spicy pork. "Not true. You are dependable. Dependably late every morning."

You failed to notice Yoongi's apologetic frown, but Taehyung didn't. The younger man tilted his head, observing Yoongi’s dark eyes watching your hands. You pinched the bun into a neat twist before setting it on the tray.

"Taehyung, that's not a circle," you chided playfully, pointing to the, well, blob on Taehyung's side of the counter.

Taehyung let go of Yoongi's hand. "I tried!" he whined childishly. "It's hard..."

Yoongi washed his hands clean as you wiped your hands on your apron. "Let me make lunch real quick while there's a break in orders and you two are here." You bumped into Yoongi as you headed to the sink, his wet hands colliding with your chest.

"Ack, sorry, sorry," Yoongi mumbled, sounding flustered, but you laughed, brushing the water off.

"And that's why I wear my dad's jacket," you mused, referring to the white chef's coat you wore under the apron and over your clothes.

You washed your hands at the sink, staring at the wide sleeves, remembering the call from earlier. Your father was recovering, but it would still be some time before he could work again and maybe not to his full capacity. Your father had protested, saying he felt fine. He was never one to complain about pain, but you knew he must have been hurting for years. If only he had gotten it checked out sooner. You sighed inwardly, but there was nothing you could do about it now. At the moment, you had to feed the two overgrown kids in your kitchen.

"Wow, hyung, you're good!"

You turned around to see Yoongi rolling Taehyung's dough into a circle, tongue resting on the side of his lips, getting a bit of flour onto his leather sleeves.

"Oh?"

You walked up behind him to see. Taehyung's dough was heavily over-kneaded, so the circle wasn't great but it was still a circle all the same. You smiled as Yoongi backed up, holding the wooden rolling pin awkwardly.

"My brother's a chef," he mumbled. "And I've... seen you do it hundreds of times."

You picked up the dough circle and placed it in your palm, cradling it in your hand as you filled it with spicy pork.

"Is it really spicy?" Taehyung asked worriedly.

You shook your head. "No, you should be fine. I remember you don't like your food too spicy." You pinched the top, twisting it prettily as you held it out to them. Taehyung looked it with sparkly eyes while Yoongi seemed embarrassed, eyes shifting awkwardly from the bun to the counter.

"It took three people to make this," you said with a laugh. “Hopefully it tastes good.”

You cut it in half evenly a few hours later, almost closing time. You held out one half to Taehyung and one half to Yoongi, whose cheeks were flushed from running around outside. He had worked hard all day, and you even had clients calling, complimenting on his speed and efficiency. Taehyung, well, Taehyung had been great company, although not particularly useful. A fun change from your usual lonesome day.

Steam rose from the meat and white dough, soft and pliable.

The bun warmed your hands and their faces warmed your heart.

“What about you?” Taehyung said, taking one of the halves from you.

You grinned. “Nah, I’ll pass. I don’t want to get poisoned.”

Taehyung narrowed his eyes. “Hey! You made the dough. All I did was roll it into a circle.”

“Actually, I rolled it into a circle,” Yoongi pointed out.

Taehyung fluffed his cheeks. “I rolled it into an almost circle.”

You recalled the shape of the blob with a scrutinous and amused frown. “Yeah, I don’t know about that.”

“It’s good.”

You turned your head to see Yoongi chewing. The half-bun was still in your fingers, a bite taken out of it. Had he… eaten it from your hand? You stared at him, but he wasn’t looking at you. His long fingers reached out and gripped the half, fingertips brushing against yours. He was still chewing, nodding thoughtfully.

“Not too spicy either.”

Your hand was still in the air. You quickly put it down and turned your attention to Taehyung, who took a huge bite.

“Ah! Hot!”

You laughed, fanning the space around his mouth. “Of course, it is. I just steamed it.”

Taehyung’s jaw wiggled as he tried to blow the steam off his tongue, panicked noises coming from his throat as you grabbed a water bottle and opened it for him so he could cool it off with a gulp of cool liquid.

“Ah, what am I going to do with you, Taehyung…”

You counted out Yoongi’s pay from the day’s total, calculating quickly. This was the easiest part of the day for you. Math came to you naturally. Cooking was much harder, at least when it came to cooking even half as good as your father.

“Do you like Taehyung?”

You had sent Taehyung home with bags full of buns to give to his parents. He had left with a skip in his step and a huge boxy grin, thanking you repeatedly and almost dropping everything. You had to yell at him to be careful at least three times.

“Of course, Taehyung’s my friend,” you chuckled. “He can be a bit all over the place though.”

“I meant in a more than friends kind of way.”

You stopped and looked up from you calculator. Yoongi was leaning over the counter, one arm perched on it, black leather jacket open and revealing his black-and-white patterned dress shirt. You noticed the first couple buttons were undone. Silver chains hung around his neck, decorating his collarbones. His long fingers tapped on the wood, silver rings glinting against his pale skin.

“Taehyung?” You shrugged. “Not really. Never thought of him that way.”

Yoongi gave you a long, discerning look. His dark brown eyes searched yours, hooded by his black bangs. It was making you uncomfortable. Suddenly, you could feel the flecks of flour on your cheeks, the scent of oil and cooked meat hanging from your clothes and hair. You went back to the calculations, busying yourself with bookkeeping.

This silence was weird. Usually, Yoongi was wordlessly waiting for you to finish so he could leave, but for some reason today it felt bizarre. You furrowed your brow as you recorded the day’s sales and Yoongi’s pay, subtracting it from the total.

“That’s good, because I like you in a more than friends kind of way.”

You placed Yoongi’s pay in an envelope and held it out to him. “Here you go. I added a little bonus for helping me babysit Taehyung today.”

Your gaze locked with Yoongi’s.

Then his words really hit you.

You blinked at him and his completely neutral expression. He wasn’t taking the envelope. Instead, he tilted his head, stare penetrating through your soul. Your heartbeat was suddenly in your ears. It felt like your face was right next to the stove, flushed from the fire.

“W… what?”

Yoongi nodded as if this was the expected result. “I figured I should tell you before Taehyung attempts to run off with you.”

You blinked rapidly, the heat increasing on your face. “W… what are you talking about?” you nervously laughed, placing the envelope in the counter and sliding it to him. You shook your head, trying to dissipate the heat. “You’ve gone too far with your jokes.”

Yoongi placed a hand on the envelope.

Then he lifted himself up and over the counter, launching his entire body over it.

You started, pinning yourself back into the wall, eyes widening as his black, thick-soled boots hit the tile floor. He was wearing black jeans again, the ones with a rip on the right knee. He lifted his head, making eye contact with you once again.

“It’s not a joke.”

He looked over to the recordkeeping book and closed it for you. Took the wad of cash that was the day’s sales and tied it in a rubber band, the same way you did it every night. Placed your pen where you placed it every night, next to the pen cup and not actually in it. You watched him, somewhat fascinated that he remembered all these details despite you never thinking about your habits as you did them, either in mid-conversation with him or simply worn out from the day.

Yoongi placed the cash on the recordkeeping book and turned back to face you.

“I’m serious.”

You remembered the moments that you brushed off so easily before. Yoongi’s body hitting yours when you grabbed his cap, the way he felt pushed up against you, breath on your neck. His fingertips touching yours, making you flinch involuntarily. Him eating from your hand earlier that day. The weird silence just now when he asked you if you liked Taehyung.

Your eyes shifted uneasily.

“Well… what I supposed to say?” you asked quietly.

For a long moment, Yoongi didn’t respond. Then he smiled, the smile not quite reaching his eyes.

“Nothing.”

He turned around.

But before he could walk off, before Yoongi could leave and come back in the morning, late as usual, you grabbed his leather jacket and yanked him back, spinning him back around. His lips parted, startled at your sudden movement, and you pressed your lips to his. His eyes widened.

So did yours.

The scent of leather and pine hit your nose. His lips felt soft. He tasted a little like the spicy pork you fed him earlier. It was a nearly a week after the black eye incident and it was barely noticeable anymore, with only small hints of bruising on his pale skin. He healed fast. You quickly drew back and grabbed the envelope, shoving it at him and pushing past, stunned that you did such a thing, hurriedly running to the kitchen. Or would have, if Yoongi’s arm didn’t block your exit, making you jerk back and hit him in the chest.

Now both your hands were on his black and white dress shirt, holding his pay against him.

You couldn’t look Yoongi in in the face. It was too awkward. You just stared at his neck, at the glittering silver necklaces.

“I have eyes, you know.”

You swallowed, grabbing his hand and placing it on the envelope. His fingers wrapped around yours. His other hand came up, tracing the buttons of his dress shirt. You flinched, jerking your head up as your free hand covered the one on his button placket. His silver rings felt cool against your hot palm.

“What are you doing?”

Yoongi cocked his head. You never realized how raspy and sexy his voice was until now. ‘Well, you didn’t want to look at my face, so I figured I would give you something else to look at.”

Your eyes darted from his hand to his face, flabbergasted.

“Don’t… play around,” you muttered, frowning.

Yoongi leaned down.

“I’m not.”

And now he kissed you, closing his eyes and pressing his lips against yours, sweetly but firmly, inhaling. You tried to break away, words tumbling from your lips.

“I’ve been working all day; I reek of grease,” you sputtered, but Yoongi grabbed your head and kissed you again, pressing your body against his, dusting flour onto the black leather, your body shuddering at the closeness, falling into his arms. Lips so soft they felt like pillows, not something you expected from lazy, late Yoongi.

“You smell nice,” he chuckled against your lips. “I love food. I especially love all the food you make.”

He kissed you between his words, light, feathery kisses that made you breathless.

“I should have told you every day,” Yoongi murmured. “Thank you for always packing everything so well and making my job so easy. Thank you for always making food for me and giving me the extras. Thank you for not firing me.”

You laughed a little against his lips. “You would have been fired a long time ago if you worked anywhere else.”

He kissed your forehead, a long, delicate one, far too beautiful to not be romantic. You felt your heartbeat slow to a crawl.

“I don’t want to work anywhere else,” he mumbled, so low you could barely hear him even though you were this close. “I want to stay by your side forever.”

What was this? Your hands tensed under his and he tightened his grip around your fingers.

“A little sudden for simply getting free food from your job,” you teased.

Yoongi lifted his face from your forehead, removing your hands from his chest. He turned them around, palms up, pressing his thumbs into them. Smiled down at you.

“It’s not free,” he said softly. “These hands work hard every day.”

Yoongi looked deep into your eyes.

“I never think the food you give me is free, because I see how much effort it takes to make them as delicious as they are.”

Your vision felt a little blurry for some reason.

“You should bring some to your parents. Your father would be proud of you.”

And for some reason, those words meant more to you than anything in the world.

“Is this vegetarian?” Yoongi asked curiously as he chewed.

“Yeah.”

He frowned a little. “I don’t like vegetables.”

You raised an eyebrow. “What are you, five?”

His eyes narrowed. “I was going to say, but I like this.”

You felt your ears burn. “Oh.”

Yoongi smirked, leaning over to kiss you, smelling like leather, silver rings glimmering in the kitchen lights.

3. smut.

masterpost

#yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #yoongi fluff #yoongi fanfic #bts fanfic #min yoongi x reader #min yoongi x you #yoongi scenarios

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nooneactuallyasked · 3 years

Text

Diner Gal - Reggie x Reader Part 9

Requested: It’s a series, there are no requests here!

Word count: 1,877

Warnings: Cursing

Summary: Julie and the Phantoms ( + Flynn ) go to a musical diner/café/restaurant for inspiration and hopefully a future gig but they end up meeting a very special waitress.

Note: We love Reggie moments- Love our himbo the most! Told you I’d do it today lol

Oop, just remembered I forgot the taglist for the last part so Imma add that in a sec lol

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Part 1 here Part 2 here Part 3 here Part 4 here

Part 5 here Part 6 here Part 6.5 here Part 7 here

Part 8 here

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Y/N sat on a table, writing out the setlist for the next day, another job Cal had left for her to do and it pissed her off to no end. She understood having a bad day, sure it sucked but don’t take it out on your employees! She let out a breath she didn’t realise she had been holding and decided that as long as she got paid properly she would put up with pretty much anything.

She still needed to practice her duet with one of the guys, Josh, but of course, he couldn’t be here, just her luck. Obviously, she didn’t blame him, things happened, but everything seemed to be going wonky lately and all Y/N was some stability in her life, Cal was a different person all of a sudden, she more work than she could handle and top it all off she was developing feelings for a ghost. Scratch that, she has feelings for a ghost that she could touch but no one else could see and it honestly kind of scared her.

Y/N huffed, placing her notebook next to her before hopping off the table, it was clear to see that she wouldn’t get anything done any time soon.

“Hey, Diner Gal! It’s your favourite phantom, me!” Y/N jumped a bit before turning around, an exasperated smile on her face, “Hello, Leather Boy, nice seeing you again.” Reggie grinned, he loved hearing her voice, it comforted him and made him feel wanted, “So, what are we doing?” Y/N sighed, turning back to her notebook, “I’m stressing over a setlist and a duet I’m supposed to be practising for, but I don’t expect you to do the same.” Y/N grinned at him over her shoulder. A worried puppy expression clouded over Reggie’s face, then he thought of an idea that brought a bright smile onto his face, “How about I help you practice? I mean, I could sing the other part, girl or guy. I’ve been told I have an excellent Sandy impression, I’m especially good at Summer Lovin’ in case you were wondering.” He winked at her causing her to burst into laughter, a warm smile lighting up her face.

“Um, sure, you heard and Dear Evan Hansen?”

“Have I? Julie showed 1 song to Alex and he wouldn’t shut up about it, he kept making Julie play us those songs over and over and over again, I think I know literally every line by now. Alex swears that he is Evan but instead of Connor it’s Zoe who’s dead and that him and Connor are happily married with a puppy.” Reggie widened his eyes to emphasize his point, Y/N snickered, “What a terrible fate you’ve been succumbed to.” Reggie rolled his eyes, secretly admiring how carefree the girl before him looked, “I’m serious! My ears can recognize any song from 3 miles away!”

“Okay, so, do you know Only Us?” Reggie nodded, he knew that one especially well, not just because of Alex but because it was his personal favourite, it’s how he always imagined love would feel like, carefree, a little awkward but completely accepting and unconditional. It wasn’t something he had experienced very much of and certainly not in the way the song presented it but he hoped maybe one day he could experience it exactly how the song said, with Y/N. “Yeah, I do. Is that the song?”

“Yep. I’ll just put the backing on, thanks for this.” Y/N smiled before making her way towards the counter where the kept the tech stuff. Soon the familiar melody drifted out of the speakers in the room and Y/N made her way back to Reggie.

I don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you

I don't need you to search for the proof that I should

You don't have to convince me

You don't have to be scared you're not enough

'Cause what we've got going is good

Y/N was looking right into Reggie’s eyes and it honestly made his heart skip a good thousand beats, he felt like she singing directly to him, like he was the only person that mattered. She made him feel alive.

I don't need more reminders of all that's been broken

I don't need you to fix what I'd rather forget

Clear the slate and start over

Try to quiet the noises in your head

We can't compete with all that

She moved closer to him, raising a hand to push away a strand of hair from his eyes, a soft smile forming on both of their faces. She stepped back, wringing her hands in front of her.

So what if it's us?

What if it's us

And only us

And what came before won't count anymore or matter?

Can we try that?

She took his hand and raised it up to meet her own before intertwining their fingers, she smiled down at them before meeting his eyes, the awe in them shining through causing her to smile bashfully and look back down.

What if it's you

And what if it's me

And what if that's all that we need it to be

And the rest of the world falls away?

What do you say?

Reggie unlinked their fingers and poofed onto a nearby table causing Y/N to snicker as her nearly kicked a ketchup bottle.

I never thought there'd be someone like you who would want me

Well...

Y/N looked away, feeling more than slightly flustered, why was a song so much better at deciphering her feelings than her own mind!

So I give you ten thousand reasons to not let me go

But if you really see me

If you like me for me and nothing else

Well, that's all that I've wanted for longer than you could possibly know

Reggie poofed back down and held both of her hands, looking into her eyes. It felt like they were promising to be with each other forever, no matter what, just like in the song.

So it can be us

It can be us

And only us

And what came before won't count anymore or matter

We can try that

He pulled her into a hug, singing into her ear, she’d never been serenaded before and this was probably the closest she’d ever come to a real experience but Y/N swore that no one would ever understand how she felt. It was perfect, even though it was all just practice for a duet she was doing with some else.

It's not so impossible

Nobody else but the two of us here

'Cause you're saying it's possible

We can just watch the whole world disappear

'Til you're the only one

I still know how to see

Y/N sat on a nearby table, Reggie standing in front of her holding her hands tightly, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles.

It's just you and me

It'll be us

Heat pooled in both of their cheeks, this moment was special, no matter what happened after they both knew this had connected them. Y/N brought a hand up to his cheek and brushed her thumb over it, delicately as if it were a petal.

And only us

And what came before won't count anymore

Y/N got off of the table, letting go of Reggie’s hands causing him to feel slightly disappointed, he enjoyed the warmth that radiated from her like she was the sun. She was the sun that brought light to his world. She belted out the note and Reggie just stared in awe.

We can try that

You and me

That's all that we need it to be

And the rest of the world falls away

She went back over to him, once again intertwining their fingers before Reggie looped his arms around her waist and she wrapped her around his neck.

The world falls away

And it's only us

They stared at each other for a few more seconds before Y/N buried her head into his neck and Reggie squeezed her tighter. He was afraid, what if this didn’t work? What if they turned into his parents? But then again, what if they clicked and everything was perfect. That was a risk he wasn’t sure he could take but he was starting to come to the conclusion that it might be worth it.

Neither of them knew how long they stayed like that but eventually, Y/N moved away, “So, uh, I should get back to work, you know, things to do and, uh, people to please.” She chuckled awkwardly, how do you follow that up with casual conversation? “Oh, yeah, Julie and the guys are probably wondering where I am.”

“Right.”

“So, bye.” It came out more unsure and more of a question than Y/N had hoped it would but Reggie didn’t seem to notice, “Yeah, um, bye.” She stepped back and sent him a small wave and smile which he returned before poofing out.

“Well, wasn’t that just sickeningly sweet, I do so love it when romantic drama is added to the mix.” Y/N whipped around and was met with the same guy in purple she had seen just the day before. “Who are you and what are you doing here?” The man mockingly gasped, “How rude of me, the name’s Caleb, I’m a very special…friend of Cal’s” Y/N raised a brow in disbelief, “Oh really? How do you know him?” Caleb rolled his eyes, “Cal, are we friends?” Y/N frowned before spotting Cal walk out of the shadows, what the fuck was happening and why was it kinda terrifying. “Yes, we are.”

“Cal, what the fuck is up with you?” But Cal didn’t answer, he just stared, he stared into nothing, as if anything and everything didn’t exist and he was the only one there. She glared at this Caleb guy, “What did you do to him?” Caleb smirked and chuckled? Deep, scary laughed? Whatever it was it made Y/N’s skin crawl, no one should laugh like that and not get thrown into a bin. “I just gave Cal a little ultimatum and he chose well, so now I have a little, how do I put this, control over him.”

“Now I have an ultimatum for you too, you see, I’ve been giving you a gift, a present shall we say, but everything comes with a cost and so now I’ve come to collect.” Y/N shook her head in confusion, “What’re you talking about? What gift and what price?” Caleb did another weird chuckles thing that made Y/N roll her eyes. “Sweetheart, how do you think you can see those boys? Why have you never seen any other ghosts beforehand?” Y/N stuttered, it made sense but it still kinda hurt. “What’s your price?” Caleb smirk, “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear, and it’s simple really, I want the boys. And you’re gonna help me get them.”

That was not what Y/N expected, “What happens if I don’t?” Caleb’s expression darkened, “Well, you’ll have to get used to a life without your precious ‘Leather Boy’” He pulled a face at the nickname whilst Y/N stood there frozen in shock.

Well shit.

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Taglist:

@hereforthejatp

@slutforjjmaybank @morganayennefertyrell

@dxestars @dcnerd98

@ultraworthlessbitch @revolutionary-werewolf-ghosts

@underc0vercryptid-reads @miisacore

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portableusbstick · 4 years

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Ya girl’s at it again! This is my first reader insert fic lol, you can read it on ao3 or here (though I recommend ao3) It’s a crossover between persona 5 and the garden of words (makoto shinkai)

The fic will be under the cut

Once, not long ago, where the rainy season ensued, two people were longing for the rain. Bright grins broke out whenever the sky cried, hurried steps to take an umbrella, moving through the crowds, these all happened upon stormy days. But perhaps, the rain was just an excuse. An excuse to meet once more. The rain was how they met, and the rain is how they will depart. Now, let's begin the tale, shall we?

-----

The sky was crying.

Soft tears that fell from the heavens.

A hand reached out to feel the droplets softly falling from the sky.

"Rain..."

You loved the rain; it felt like it was a part of you. The droplets were like an old friend, its rhythmic beat acted like a comforting hand on your shoulder. The palliative pitter-patter of the rainfall would always ease your worries.

But you didn't have time to waste staring at mother nature's tears; the train departed in 15 minutes, and one couldn't afford to miss it. Grabbing your bag along with a clear umbrella, you went outside to catch the train.

The streets of Shibuya were always busy with crowded people and heavy air. To tell the truth, it made you quite nauseous. The bitter smell of newspaper and wet hair was never your cup of tea. The train departed in 4 minutes, but your feet took you to someplace other than the station.

'I brought my notebook...so I might as well go there.'

The mere thought of visiting your sanctuary was enough to bring excitement.

'Class can wait.'

Tucking a lock of hair behind your ear, you switched your destination to the national garden. You looked forward to a moment where there wouldn't be teachers with their overly saccharine voice or classwork that had no value. No, today would be just a time for you to relax, at least for the first period of class.

The bustling crowd slowly dispersed, leaving you at the entrance of the grand conservatory. The vines and foliage created some sort of safe space away from humanity. It was still raining so there was seldom if any people, perfect for relaxing without any worries. Yes, this was your sanctuary. A place where one could escape the fast-pacing world to take a breather.

"Meow."

You abandon your peaceful thoughts and turn to see... a cat? In a bag?!

'Is that even safe?' You wondered.

Your eyes shift from the peculiar animal to the potential owner, a boy with floofy hair and thick glasses, intentively reading a book.

"Meow."

"You're not slick, Morgana."

"MeOw!"

Okay, maybe not too intensively.

You sweatdropped at the scene playing out. A boy quarreling with... a cat...

'This...' You thought to yourself as a smirk crept up your lips, 'is perfect writing material!'

Indeed it was. A boy and a cat arguing would certainly get views, but you were a writer, and this was a perfect scenario for your two characters to meet in a rom-com situation!

You bring out your notebook and start furiously jotting the scene before your eyes.

"Meow."

"How many times do I have to tell you? Girls aren't romantically into-"

The boy's dialogue abruptly stopped as he noticed you.

'Oh, crap...'

"G-Goodmorning."

'Abort, abort, abort mission.'

"Were...were you talking to your cat?"

The silence hung in the air as the fencepost three feet away suddenly looked very interesting.

"Don't...Don't we all?" He played off the bizarre scenario as if it were something to brush off as easily as, say, a stray piece of paper on the floor.

"Y-yeah but...not like...not like that." You decided to give up on this conversation before a passerby decides to take both of you to a mental hospital. And with a quick glance at your phone told you that you only had 30 minutes left until your next class began.

Sighing as you wished for something to drink, you sat on the bench as the tip of your pencil began scritching the surface of your notebook, trying to get past your writer's block.

The serene mix of your pencil scribbles, the boy's page turns, along with the pattering of the rain truly gave a stereotypical melodrama film feeling.

The boy was too engrossed in his novel to notice that his cat had gotten out of his lap and swatted away your pencil, creating a long pencil slash across your words. You didn't mind, though. Writer's block kept you from creating astounding ideas anyways.

"Morgana!" The boy scolded as he returned your pencil.

"Thanks."

When he gave your writing utensil back to you, you discovered that upon closer inspection, he had cherry blossom petals stuck in his hair. His eyes were sharp and held dark grey irises along with long eyelashes. Deciding to stop being a creep, you tried to make some small talk.

"So, is your school closed?"

You expected a casual answer; something along the lines of 'yeah lol its a teacher faculty meeting day' or something like that.

The boy answered without looking up from the book.

"Kinda, my physical education teacher got arrested for harassing minors and abusing students, so they let us out early."

Okay, you didn't expect that.

'what...what the actual heck? Is this guy for real?? Saying that with such a nonchalant expression,' you checked your phone once more, ' and it's only 9:00!'

You slightly feared the adolescent beside you as he didn't even blink when stating the fact.

"What? Did you expect that my school had a faculty meeting?" He saw right through you. "What about you?"

"Uh...No...I just decided to skip...Seems a little underwhelming compared to yours, huh?"

"Yeah, it's a little hard to top my school's shenanigans, little miss delinquent."

You ignored the unnecessary comment.

'What school is he even from?'

You glanced at his uniform.

'Shujin... and a second-year?'

Before you could tell him your school, your alarm goes off, signaling the start of the second period.

"Ah, I should go."

The boy adjusted his glasses and smirked, "Back to class, little Miss delinquent?"

"Don't call me that, Hanabira-san."

"Flower peta-?"

You cut him off by removing one of the flower petals from his hair, rubbing the fragile material betwixt your two fingers.

"The rainy season blows the cherry blossoms away, so it's like it's raining petals. It's quite majestic, isn't it, Hanabira-san? Almost like a scene from a fantasy..."

To your surprise, he gave a chuckle.

"Funny, because another girl told me how she hated the rainy season for the exact same reason, except she didn't find it beautiful."

You took out your clear umbrella once more but had trouble opening it.

"Here."

He opened it with ease, rubbing the salt on the wound.

"Well, thanks, Hanabira-san."

"See ya, Tsuyu-chan."

___

"Tsuyu-chan..."

The name meant 'Morning Dew' in Japanese.

You smiled fondly at the memory as your teachers droned on about capitalism.

'I like it...'

#persona 5 #amamiya ren x reader #akira kurusu x reader #rain #fanfiction #garden #of #words #drama #reader insert

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incorrectmidc · 4 years

Text

A Love Like This

A/N: Hello! It’s been a while. I hope everyone is doing fine despite this ongoing pandemic. I’m here to post an excerpt from a fic I was planning to do about Ikemen Sengoku’s Oda Nobunaga and my MC, Shimizu. I have the plot finished but never got to writing most of it. I’ve done random chapters lol and I DON’T KNOW IF I’VE POSTED THIS ONE HERE OR NOT. IF I DID, PLEASE DISREGARD THIS ONE. XD This is a reincarnation AU btw.

Title of the fic: A Thousand Years Chapter Title: A Love Like This Pairing: Oda Nobunaga x MC (Shimizu, in this case)

“Oh, you’re back,” Ieyasu said flatly when he saw Shimizu enter the office the next morning. She was carrying three thick folders, which piqued the curiousity of the platinum-haired male.

Shimizu frowned in confusion at Ieyasu’s words. “I work here…?” she said, though it came out as a question. And why is Ieyasu in the production department this early?

“I thought you would’ve called it quits and resign after that tantrum you threw yesterday,” Ieyasu said, not one to really filter his words. He didn’t even bat an eye when Shimizu glared at him.

“I didn’t throw a tantrum!” she exclaimed indignantly. If you’d ask her, what she did was reasonable. After all, someone needed to teach that high and mighty Oda Nobunaga how to be humble and how to respect people, especially those of lower status than him. “If you don’t have any business with me, Ieyasu, can you go lecture someone else please? I’m actually super busy today.”

Ieyasu’s curiousity returned when Shimizu began to flip open one of the folders. The plan to actually lecture her was forgotten when he asked, “What are those by the way?”

“The company’s history,” Shimizu replied as she scanned the first few pages, noting how old the company was. “Mitsunari lent it to me. If I’m going to work here, I need to know and understand the company fully to be able to produce the best designs.” And what’s the best way to do it than to have a history crash course, right?

“You’re surprisingly diligent,” Ieyasu commented, expecting to get another rise from Shimizu at his words. However, he got concerned when she didn’t respond to him. Instead, she was as pale as a sheet as she stared at something on the folder. “Shimizu?”

“Ieyasu,” her voice was a bit shaky when she called his name, which got Ieyasu more concerned. What’s the matter now? “W-What is this?” she asked as she showed him the thing she was staring at earlier,

The platinum-haired male’s brows furrowed when a familiar face greeted him the moment Shimizu handed him the folder. “This is the Oda Group’s lucky charm, Bearsace. It’s been with the Oda family since his great great grandfather’s time and has brought countless fortune to them so it’s a treasured possession. You didn’t know that?”

Ieyasu’s tone was mocking, trying to finally get a proper reaction out of Shimizu but the woman wasn’t listening anymore. The name “Bearsace” triggered something in her mind – a scene – something that she doesn’t know what to make of.

It was her, standing in front of a man dressed up in the full regalia of Japan’s ancient warrior garb. She watched as the faceless man searched her purse, finally pulling out a fluffy white teddy bear. “What is this?” he asked, deep voice achingly familiar that it sent shivers down her core.

“That’s Bearsace. It’s a teddy bear. I designed it.”

“A teddy bear?” the man repeated the words that seemed to be foreign to him. He continued to stare at the stuffed toy, one hand brushing on its ear while the other took hold of its paw, moving it up and down.

“—izu!”

“Shimizu!”

“Huh!” Shimizu gasped when she finally felt Ieyasu shaking her lightly. Looking up, she was met by worried green eyes. “What—”

“Shimizu? Why are you crying?” a familiar voice that wasn’t Ieyasu’s suddenly asked, effectively cutting Shimizu off. She then felt calloused hands cup her cheeks, making her look up at the newcomer. “What’s wrong?” Nobunaga asked the moment their gazes met. His brows were furrowed and he was gazing at her with eyes filled with worry and something else that she couldn’t give a name to.

Despite being rough, Nobunaga’s hands were gentle and warm, and it made her tingly all over. Her eyes then widened when his words finally registered in her mind. “I… I wasn’t crying!” she exclaimed as she pushed away from him. Hastily wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand, she threw Ieyasu a glare when she heard the latter snort. “A dirt just entered my eye.” Nobunaga was looking at her skeptically so she racked her brains for anything that would take his attention away from her sudden crying. She doesn’t think she could explain to him why she cried when she didn’t even know the reason in the first place.

And what the hell was that random scenario? Was it real or was it just a result of her watching too many historical dramas?

“I didn’t know your family’s lucky charm is a teddy bear, Nobunaga,” she said out of desperation. The room fell silent at that before Ieyasu coughed loudly.

“I remember I have to meet Masamune for coffee today,” the platinum-haired male said before he turned to leave. “I’ll see you later, Nobunaga.” Then with that, he hastily made his escape.

Traitor! Shimizu glared at the door Ieyasu just exited, silently cursing the other man for leaving her alone with Nobunaga. She knew, after the first time they’ve met, that she should never be left alone with Nobunaga for the man makes her feel all sorts of contradictory emotions and it’s driving her crazy. “So—”

“This was given to my great great grandfather by his first love.” Hearing Nobunaga talk about love with that gentle expression in his usually cold eyes was something Shimizu never thought she’d see. “Bearsace was made by her.”

“They didn’t end up together?” Shimizu found herself asking, her eyes never leaving Nobunaga’s handsome face. She was practically savouring the gentle look she was seeing right now, carving it to memory.

“No.” The gentle look was still there but there was now a hint of sadness on Nobunaga’s face. Shimizu felt something tug at her chest at the sight. “Things happened and they had to part.”

The two of them went silent after that. Shimizu stared at the picture of the teddy bear once again, feeling something familiar with the stuffed toy. “He must have loved her so much then.”

“Definitely,” Nobunaga’s tone was unmistakably serious when he answered. Shimizu looked up at him again and her heart skipped a beat when she saw that he was staring at her intensely with those beautiful reddish-brown eyes of his. “She was his greatest love, and he vowed that he would find her again, even if it takes him a thousand years or more.”

#Ikemen Sengoku #A Thousand Years #A Love Like This #Oda Nobunaga #fanfiction #reincarnation AU #excerpt

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mochidrabbles · 5 years

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Can I please request a Dazai imagine where he has a s/o who's really motherly and sweet so she's always taking care of everyone at the ADA and Dazai is starting to get a little jealous and clingy because he wants her attention on him alone and maayyybbee it gets smutty? Bonus points if she's a little shy and sort of modest usually?

So I uhh. Didn’t get like. Everything that’s in here and I apologize for that, but hopefully this works for you anyway!! I just sorta went with the flow with the idea this gave me so… Thank you for your request and I hope you like it despite some details being missing/a little different

I also posted this on my Ao3 so if you see it there don’t worry lol it’s still meee.

Note: This work contains suggestive themes. Nothing explicit, but read at your own discretion.

Title: Attention

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Pairing: DazaixGn!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1131

Sometimes Dazai wondered if you were this adorably stupid on purpose.

Lowered eyes watched as you flitted about from desk to desk, the coffees rested delicately on trays in each of your hands diminishing one by one with each stop you made. This was your second coffee run of the day, broken in the middle by a run for lunch and punctuated through by errands you’d been running for the rest of the ADA. You certainly knew how to keep yourself busy. Too busy.

Normally Dazai wouldn’t mind. Your kind, giving nature had been what had drawn him to you in the first place, after all. Admittedly, it had initially been out of suspicion (nobody was that generous and self-sacrificing without selfish motivation - right?) though he’d slowly come to simply find the trait endearing. It was a stark contrast to everything he’d grown up with, all he’d been raised to believe, but it was refreshing, in a way. A part of the beauty held in the light.

Today, however, Dazai found himself growing impatient with your ever-giving self. He adored your doting, but adored it when it was focused on him: not so much when it was exclusively focused on those around him. He especially found himself less fond of it when your attention towards and serving of everyone else resulted in you ignoring him.

Particularly bored, particularly needy, Dazai had been trying to get your attention all day. From playful flirting, telling you just how cute you looked, how tempted he was to keep you all to himself for the day, to less than playful pranks designed to have you running to him for help, or jumping into his conveniently nearby arms when you found a particularly nasty bug crawling over your computer mid-report, Dazai had tried almost everything to get your attention. Nothing had worked. All attempts had been met with a gentle smack of your hand and a half-hearted admonition to stop, a ‘Dazai! I’m busy!’ or, in the case of the bug, your outright ire.

“[Nickname]-chan! I want a coffee too!” Raising his arm his in the air Dazai waved so dramatically Atsushi beside him had to duck to avoid being smacked by the flailing appendage. The look you sent him was long-suffering and, heaving a sigh equally tired and fond, you promised you’d get to him in a minute.

That was it. The final straw placed over him, thinned patience snapping, Dazai made his decision. Desperate times called for desperate measures, after all.

“But [Naaaaameeeeee]~” Drawing out your name in a whine Dazai let his chair roll across the floor as he stood, long legs taking him to where you stood in just a few steps, “I need your help with something!” Face too innocent, eyes too round and brow too pressed, you were immediately suspicious. Dazai had been, for whatever reason, harrassing you even more than usual today. You couldn’t say you minded, really. Attention from your boyfriend always a little flattering at the least, but you really didn’t have time for games today.

“It’s work related, I promise.” Putting one hand on his heart, raising the other as if to show his complete earnesty, you find yourself relenting. Perhaps he’s lying; knowing Dazai, it’s not entirely difficult to imagine that he may be playing with you again, saying whatever he knows will get you to bend. Still, on the off chance that he does want help with something, you aren’t about to turn him down.

“Alright, alright. As long as it’s work related.” Dazai’s grin is immediate, teeth flashing white from behind his ever so slightly parted lips. In seconds he has the trays of coffee in your hands set on a nearby desk and and a hand at your lower back, gently but hastily guiding you from the room.

“Of course! Would I ever lie to you~?” You bite back your retort but not your look of suspicion. Still, there’s no real bite to it, and no fight in your steps as you let Dazai guide you off to whatever destination he had in mind. Yes, he would absolutely lie to you - but not ever in a way that was truly malicious.

A fly trapped in honey, a bug caught in a spiderweb, Dazai had you exactly where he wanted you. Though his hum was innocent, skip in his step peppy, his eyes were those of a predator when he glanced at you: sharp, cunning, hungry. He’d known that, had circumstances called for it, he could always get your attention this way.

“Dazai, this is–!” Headed neither to reception for paperwork nor the entrance for a case, you had been suspicious. But, when Dazai had led you to the one unisex bathroom the next floor down, you were outright scandalized.

“Wh– Osamu!” Too surprised to argue with more than a high-pitched, stunned admonition, Dazai ushered you in easily, flicking the lock on the door and pinning you to the counter the sink rested upon.

“C’mon [Name]~ I’ve been so lonely with you ignoring me all day.” Try as you might not to be sucked into his guilt-tripping, the sad pout in his voice the tickle of his hair on your skin, warmth of his nose on your neck as he leaned closer to nuzzle against you, weakened your resolve.

“Osamu…” Tilting his head to press his forehead to your skin Dazai hid his smirk. He could hear the fight leaving your voice, the sympathy creeping in. With his hands on your waist he could feel you starting to relax, to give in.

“I… we’re at work.” The mischief in his eyes makes your stomach spin as Dazai’s head raises so his eyes can meet yours. Smirk stretching his lips, you can feel the way his eyelashes flutter against your own as he blinks ever-so-innocently.

“Oh? That hasn’t stopped us before~” Heat rushes in two directions at Dazai’s words and the memories they conjure. You attempt to turn away but a long-fingered hand catches your chin, keeping your head rooted firmly in place as Dazai leans close enough to let his lips brush yours.

“I’ve been thinking about you like this all day you know.” Was that true, or was he just saying it because he knew it made you weak in the knees? Hard as it was to say, both of you knew it was working.

“They’ll survive without us for a little while.” Each word was more convincing than the last, and Dazai’s knee sliding between your own was making it even more difficult to argue. He was right, after all: the ADA wouldn’t crumble because you were gone for a little while. Perhaps you could use a little bit of a break…

“You’ll indulge me a little bit…”

“…Won’t you?”

#bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs imagines #bungou stray dogs imagine #bsd #bsd imagines #Dazai Osamu #fluff #suggestive #scenario #imagine

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yaz-the-spaz · 6 years

Text

If you see this, post a snippet of your wip

saw this on a random post in the ziam tag and decided to partake

this is from my ziam/ot5 peter pan au...i know y’all were probably hoping for 2.0 fic snippets but too bad, this is what you’re getting lol

Zayn brushes aside a couple of leafy branches, holding them open for everyone to pass through as he chats idly with the tree the branches belong to.

“Hey, Steve, how are you this morning?”

“Oh, I’m wonderful, Zayn! Beautiful morning, isn’t it?” a deep voice says and though Liam can’t pinpoint exactly where on the tree it’s coming from he somehow knows it’s coming from the tree itself and not anything or anyone else.

“A beautiful morning indeed,” Zayn replies with a smile.

There’s a pause and then a soft gasp and the same deep voice whispers, “Is that him?”

“It is.” Zayn nods proudly. “I’m showing him the Fairy Kingdom today.”

“Oh, how wonderful! Do give the other fairies my best, will you? Especially Leigh, it’s been so long since I’ve seen her!”

“I certainly will! Have a good day, Steve.”

“Oh, you too! You too!”

There’s a shiver from the branch Zayn’s holding and then it stills again and Zayn lets it fall back into place now that everyone is through. Perrie flits ahead, a little golden figure lighting the way almost like a lightning bug, but much brighter, slightly bigger, and more golden instead of yellow-green.

“It’s him! Look, it’s him!” he hears in faint whispers all around him but he can’t pinpoint where exactly it’s coming from because it seems to be coming from everywhere all at once.

“Don’t mind them,” Zayn says with a wave of his hand. “It’s like Pez said, they’re gossipy things, they’ll calm down eventually, once the excitement wears off a little.”

Liam nods, goes back to following their little ragtag group through the trees, faint whispers following him along the way.

They wind through the forest for a while, sun half-blotted out by large leaves and tall trees, surrounded by indistinct murmurs, going in what feels like indiscernible circles to Liam but clearly must be an actual path that he can’t quite make out because eventually they stop at a thick copse of trees that Perrie flits easily through and then disappears. Zayn lifts another group of leafy branches for them to step through and Liam stops short, awestruck yet again.

Zayn had called it a kingdom before but for some reason the word hadn’t really clicked in his head. He’d still been imagining some little clearing in the woods with tiny little bird-size houses hanging from the trees and a bunch of fairies shyly peaking out from behind branches and between leaves but this. This truly is a kingdom in every sense of the word.

It’s like peeking into a whole other world. There are a thousand little doorways and awnings and little buildings built into the trees, small houses and shops in, around, and atop the trunks and branches, tons of fairies flitting around to and fro like they’re on important business or late for their nine-to-five—which for all Liam knows they very well could be—little stretches of pathways on the forest ground and a series of connecting branches and thick vines that the fairies hustle past and fly over almost like streets and highways. It all stretches on for miles, as far as he can see, and in the distance a grand, sparkling marble castle almost as tall as him with a large glittering blue pond out front complete with a statuesque fountain in the center. Two fairies locked in an embrace with one arm around each other each, reaching with their other hands to grasp some sort of torch together where water comes spouting out of the top and cascading down to the pond beneath their feet.

“Whoa,” Liam says breathlessly as he stares out into the distance, watching what must be thousands of fairies zoom back and forth over and down all the pathways behind trees and over and behind shops and houses and even down towards the sparkling castle. “Is that where you live?” he says to Perrie, still unable to tear his gaze away but hoping his question is clear enough.

“Me? Heavens no, although I do visit quite often. Speaking of which, I’ve actually got something I need to attend to at the moment. Jesy’s going to kill me if I’m late. Or Leigh if Jesy doesn’t get to me first. You boys all right to give him the tour?” she directs to the other four, to which they all nod and then she’s flitting away, down towards the palace.

“Late?” Liam repeats belatedly. “How can she be late? Isn’t she sort of…in charge? Like…like the queen of the fairies or something?”

“The queen? Perrie? Oh God, can you imagine?” Louis says bursting into laughter so hard he doubles over.

Harry and Niall are snickering into each other shoulders and Zayn has his lips pressed together clearly holding back laughter too but he shakes his head letting out a single chuckle as he says, “No, Perrie’s not a queen. Far from it although she is friends with a lot of the fairies in the royal court, including the princess herself. They don’t have kings or queens, see, just princes and princesses. Don’t ask, it’s a fairy thing. I don’t really understand it. But anyway yeah, Perrie is definitely not a queen or a princess, though she has been deemed as what’s virtually the equivalent of a knight or a royal warrior in terms that might be more familiar to you.”

“Oh,” Liam says dumbly, and then, “Actually it’d probably be more accurate to say dame since she’s female, although if she’s a warrior maybe knight would still be correct since dames never actually fought as far as I know. I shouldn’t have just assumed though…I don’t know why but I guess I always just figured T—um, Perrie was the queen, or princess, rather. You know since she’s the one in all the stories and everything.”

“Don’t let Leigh hear you say that,” Niall warns. “She’ll have your head.”

“Like I said before, there’s a lot the stories got wrong,” Zayn adds.

“Who’s Leigh?”

“Leigh-Anne. She’s the actual princess,” Niall explains.

“And she’s still a bit bitter about not being mentioned in Barrie’s stories, so you might not want to mention it when you meet her,” Harry says, patting him affectionately on the back as he steps forward to lead Liam further into the kingdom.

“Wait. I get to meet the Fairy Princess?” Liam says excitedly.

“Christ, this one’s excitable,” Louis says with a roll of his eyes as he steps past Liam to fall in step behind Harry. “You’d think we were taking him to meet the actual Queen of England. Wait. It is still a queen, isn’t it? Or are they back to a patriarchy over there?”

“No, it’s still a queen,” Liam says, jogging a little to catch up from where he’d stopped in place in his excitement. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be such a weirdo about all of this, it’s just…this is stuff I’ve only ever heard about in stories and movies and things. I never thought it could actually all be real. And now that I know it is and I get to actually meet all the people and creatures that were a part of it, even if they weren’t all mentioned, it’s still just…really cool. Like…like meeting your heroes or something, you know?”

Louis shrugs. “Wouldn’t know. Didn’t really have any good heroes in my time to look up to. At least not where I was from. It was more just every man for himself and if life dealt you a raw deal, tough luck. You did what you could for your family till you couldn’t anymore and that was it. Anyway, aren’t we supposed to be giving a tour?”

“Right you are, Tommo,” Niall says with a little skip as he takes Liam’s arm and directs him over to a row of shops that start near the ground and go all the way up into the trees...

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#peter pan au fic #my fics #wip's #ziam #ziam fics #mine #to any and all fic writers feel free to join in!

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aceofwands · 7 years

Text

Ria hateblogs Discovery Episode 5: “Choose Your Pain” (do I even need to retitle this one?) (not liveblogged to @kendradaynes for a change)

Okay here we go!

right ... fancy blurr-o vision of an empty ship, and oh look, it’s Michael facing herself - dream sequence?

yep. dream sequence

Michael talking to the Doctor about how they’re torturing the Tardis, oops I mean Tardigrade

What a veeeeery spiky starbase

Lorca talking to Admirals, who want to use the technology - wait, Starfleet didn’t already have the specs for the spore drive???

OH GOOD they’re HUNTING the Tardigrades! THAT seems like something Starfleet would do

Lorca is all “we’re the only ones who can do this” uuuuugh it’s just so unbelievable

what interesting friends Tilly? there are no other characters on this show

STRESSED Tilly?! WTF she has MORALS, not stress

UGH I did NOT need to see that Lorca - so they can fix his eyes but he doesn’t trust doctors? good lord

is it just me or is the admiral hella wooden? it’s probably just the dialogue

“why give everyone another reason to judge you?” for the drama. obviously

“are you uncomfortable with the power I’ve been given Admiral?” she might not be, but I am, cause it makes no damn sense - Sisko didn’t have this much power and DS9 was literally on the front line of the Dominion War

“i’m your friend” wait really?

my ship, my way - ah yes, that old Starfleet motto

LOL

Lorca just got picked up by a Klingon ship, where exactly is the Discovery in all this? where is the ship in relation to the space station???

skipping the intro cause I cbf today, it’s boring anyway

how does Discovery in orbit of a planet look LESS realistic than the old shows? TOS’s Enterprise on a string was more realistic ffs!

LOL it’s POSSIBLE the Klingons have figured out the spore drive exists - YOU THINK? what did they THINK would happen if they kept using it?

“do you have proof that we are harming it?” I mean, its screams of pain???

why would Saru continue to trust her and allow her to operate, given his own reservations

LOL I love how the list of Starfleet’s ‘decorated captains’ is LIMITED TO THE FEW CAPTAINS WE KNOW ABOUT, come ON show as IF there haven’t been people over the DECADE since Enterprise we don’t know about!!

also Georgiou is the ONLY WOMAN ON THE LIST

Saru getting the computer to tell him how to be a better captain ... uuuugh because Michael makes him doubt himself? you wouldn’t want to ever question your own decisions, would you Saru??

oh good. Mudd.

ahahahaha at least we get a bit of amusement finally .... even his exposition is boring though

wow, these Klingons really can’t talk

oh wow

this is what every Star Trek shows need, Klingons brutally beating up a prisoner to remind us they’re bad guys

from what they’ve established of Lorca so far, I find it hard to believe he HAS reservations about not letting other Starfleet officers or people be injured instead of him, that’s how shady his morals are

wait, the Doctor isn’t the CMO? where are the actual senior officers on this show?!!! we don’t see the Chief Engineer, the CMO, everyone we do see on the Bridge are just role-less bridge officers there to give orders to

“you are the cause of this situation Burnham” ummmmm that is blatantly untrue?

shoulda got those eyes fixed Lorca

lol “or a liar” Lorca is SUCH AN ASSHOLE

OH GOOD implied sexual assault!

“of course you did, the moment you decided to boldly go where no one had gone before” uuuugh this dialogue

“sick and tired of getting caught in the crossfire”, but I thought we hadn’t seen the Klingons in 100 years ??? what other war or ‘crossfire’ have Federation citizens been in, exactly?????

so glad they only have 3 crewmembers on this extremely important research project! an expert, a cadet, and a criminal! THAT’S believeable

they’re still calling it Ripper ... great ...

soooo it’s a Jaegar? they need to Drift? human controlled mushroom spore drive, the “science” of this is fucking ridiculous

“no cadet, it is fucking cool” w o w, what Star Trek dialogue

finally a Klingon speaking English

they just look so fucking stupid with their spiky armour and giant heads, like how is it that huge glam rock hair and creaky rubber armour still looks more real than these Klingons???

lol, no one’s told Saru about the plan to fix the Spore Drive

lol, Saru trusted Burnham to listen to him - why would he? how stupid can he be? she literally never listens to any orders. ever

“I gave you an order, do you understand?” > her long winded answer = no

“your actions show me what you are” lol yeah

but also way to ignore the ethical issue of torturing the Tardigrade ENTIRELY what the actual fuck

why are they all so terrible

“we both know you lost that [your decency] with your last command” oh good, Lorca backstory

“apparently, the honorable Captain was too good to go down with his ship” - OH but he blew up the ship so the crew wouldn’t be tortured on Qo’noS

WHAT a Starfleet officer folks! someone for us all to admire and be inspired by, not.

ugh back to Saru. I hate him SO MUCH, he is just driven by his fucking hatred and distrust of Michael

why don’t they pull a Lorca and transmit its cries of pain across the ship

OH GOOD they’ve killed it!

WHO COULD POSSIBLY HAVE PREDICTED THIS?

oh no, it’s not dead, it’s just dehydrated itself

“rehydrate it and bring it back” FUCK OFFFFF SARU

YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE

“I will not be party to murder” wow, so glad at least one crewmember has morals - but ofc it’s the doctor

awwww, the Starfleet officer volunteering to be beaten instead of Mudd - the only one who has morals - the only Starfleet officer so far who deserves the title

LORCA IS SUCH A COWARD

oh lol wait they’re trying to break out, these Klingons are even unbelievable as warriors, on top of everything else, they got beaten up way too easily

lol Lorca leaving Mudd to Klingon prison - he’s an asshole and that is NOT Starfleet Captain behaviour (but then nothing Lorca does is)

don’t leave him behind Lorca! you won’t be back for him!

WHAT EVEN IS THIS SHOW

NOOOOOOO Lorca this is your fault! don’t let the only likeable Starfleet officer be murdered by the Klingon who’s been assaulting him!

oh it’s okay though cause he found the docking bay in like 30 seconds and came back for him - good thing the ship was tiny apparently

what even are these Klingon fighter ships? they’re little fans! they look fucking stupid

Saru worked out Lorca was being chased, just in time for a dramatic beam out

“we are able to jump commander” in the shiftiest voice, guarantee they did the experiment on Burnham

ohhhh lol nope, Stamets did it to himself

at least he had morals!

oh the dramatic wake up scene

AHAHAHA his laughter is the best

at least he can finally talk to mushrooms or whatever?

oh good, Saru has come to talk to Michael

wow, I’m so amazed at this dialogue, the way everyone just explicitly lays out their feelings and motivations. how realistic.

it just rings so fucking false, like there is NOTHING genuine behind it, any of it

Michael giving Saru Georgiou’s telescope

finally a Starfleet order - save the Tardigrade’s life!

sooo they don’t know if it’s safe to let it go but they’re just gonna chuck the spores in and send it off????? ummmmmm

really?

REALLY?

oh good, it woke up in space and zapped away.

hey we’re finally seeing Stamets and Culber as a couple ... brushing their teeth

“you were in danger” awwww <3

also he’s like, tapped into the fungi network now, dream come true

“I also knew you’d leave me if I let anything else endanger that creature”

what they didn’t even get to kiss in their lovey dovey scene

UMMMMMM creepy mirror Stamets, that’s a bit of a worry

well.

episode done.

I really want to like this show for what it is. Really, I do.

We had the moral drama of the Tardigrade, but how am I supposed to like Saru when he literally throws his morals completely out the window??? “I was just following orders” is never a reason to harm another being and really, the show brushed over the whole ethical issue completely by just having the characters make individual choices to serve the plot, rather than actually discuss the issue like they would in any other Star Trek series

and Lorca’s entire backstory just makes him even more shady and immoral ffs

and I am just really really not on board with how the characters do complete 180s for the sake of the plot and drama - Saru doesn’t trust Michael, but then he does, flip. flop. flip. flop.

and oh boy am I really, really, really not on board for ‘characters explain their motivations and feelings in a paragraph of exposition’ with 0 emotion behind any of it. it makes it feel so contrived.

I still just don’t feel like I care about any of the characters at all, none of them feel the smallest bit real, there’s something so unnatural and unrealistic about their dialogue and their actions. I think the only reason I found the episode slightly more bearable than others is because they finally had enough plot to keep things moving along without me getting bored.

also, the weirdest part is how small the show feels. the Discovery feels empty, the starbase scene we didn’t know or care about any of the other Admirals, even the Klingon prison ship didn’t feel like it had anything other than that one cell (and corridor, and torture chamber) - they’re so tightly focused on the few characters we know that it just feels like everyone else is cardboard cutouts in the background. it doesn’t FEEL like there’s a war going on. all this money on set design and special effects and whatever and the show somehow feels tiny?

#hateblogging #anti Discovery #STD #ep 5

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ranwing · 7 years

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Kadam Fic: Just Breathe (9/?)

Title: Just Breathe Series: Season Four Remix Pairing(s), Characters(s): Kadam, Kurt Hummel, Adam Crawford, Burt Hummel, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Camen Tibideaux, Cassandra July, Blaine Anderson, Sam Evans, Adam’s Apples, Original Characters Rating: PG13 (Rating may change) Genre(s): canon divergence, major lol Klaine and Blaine. Parts: 9/?

Summary: Auditions mean new challenges for Kurt and those around him, forcing him to face both his past and his future.

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight

On AO3

Rachel slowly came to awareness, feeling as wrung out as an old dishrag. She had slept fitfully at best, finding what little comfort she could in Kurt’s presence. He had stayed with her the entire night, holding her close and soothing her when the tears refused to be denied. When she finally fell asleep, the light was starting to peek through the windows.

She was alone, Kurt having apparently tucked her gently in when exhaustion finally overcame her. He left her safe, cocooned in her soft sheets and comforter, hopefully to get some real rest. She wasn’t sure what time it was, but she felt drained and the very last thing she wanted to bring herself to do was get up and face the world outside her curtain.

She was trying not to think about what had happened, but the pain in her chest refused to fade. It was a constant reminder of the humiliation she’d suffered. Being dismissed from the callback just broke something in her, and she couldn’t see the point of anything now. What good was being in NYADA and New York City now? What was the point of any of this if she couldn’t win a role that she was all but designed to play?

She felt hurt and numb all at once and didn’t know what she was going to do now. Everything that she had hinged her future on had fallen apart and now she felt completely lost. Staying in bed forever sounded like a perfectly reasonable option at the moment.

She eventually did have to acknowledge her body’s needs when her bladder started to complain, but the trip to the bathroom was slow and laborious. The light streaming in through her window was harsh and seemed to dull the colors around her. She almost felt like she was sleepwalking as she slowly made her way out of her sleeping area, her feet dragging as she forced herself to move.

Some soft noise from the kitchen warned that she wasn’t alone and she turned her head, dully noting Kurt’s boyfriend standing by the oven, humming absently to himself as he pulled out a steaming pan and set it on the stovetop.

Adam heard Rachel moving and turned to give her a kind smile. “Good morning, love,” he said gently. “I was just getting breakfast ready. Warm sticky buns.”

She stared at him, his words not making very much sense.

“They’ve got to cool a bit, so you’ve got time to freshen up,” he advised, pulling off the oven mitts. “Why don’t you take a shower while I put the kettle on? I’ll have everything ready when you’re done.”

Rachel felt herself nodding and found her way into the bathroom. Why was Kurt’s boyfriend making breakfast, she wondered dully as she turned on the shower. The warm water did little to clear her head, though her body did feel somewhat better after being cleaned. She combed out her wet hair and pulled on her bathrobe, finding some comfort in the plush fabric.

Adam had set up the table for her and was placing a pot of tea down. “This is a blend one of my girls swears by,” he promised. “Green tea with roses… she loves it when she’s feeling down about something.”

Rachel looked down at the table, seeing that Adam had used their “good” dishes; the mismatched china pieces that Kurt had been collecting at the Brooklyn Flea over the past few months. There was a bowl of cut up melon and the container of her soy yogurt. She felt confused, like nothing was really connecting.

“Where’s Kurt?” she heard herself asking, but it sounded strange; like she was hearing herself from under water. The absence of her friend from the loft and the presence of the British man left her deeply confused since Adam was never there without his boyfriend.

The young man put out honey and a plate of warm buns onto the table. “He had to go to the Vogue offices this morning for a few hours,” Adam explained. “And he has a meeting with Madam Tibideaux this afternoon. But he didn’t want to leave you alone so I offered to keep you company for a bit.”

His voice had a warm soothing quality that slowly began to reach though the haze wrapped about her brain. “One nice thing about being a senior is that I can ditch a class or two when I need to,” he explained cheerfully. “I always end up baking something for my friends after they’ve had a rough class or audition. I thought you could use it today.”

Mention of auditions brought tears to Rachel’s eyes and Adam quickly moved to wrap his arms about her.

“I know, sweetheart,” he said softly, enfolding her in a comforting embrace. She found herself clinging to him, her body shuddering with the ache of her failure. Everything hurt and she didn’t know what was going happen now.

His broad hands gently cupped her face and his thumbs brushed away the tears. The expression on his face was compassionate as he tried to reach through her pain. “I’m going to guess that you haven’t eaten anything since yesterday morning,” he surmised, knowing that eating would probably have been the last thing on her mind. When she tentatively nodded, he smiled.

“Then let’s get a little food into you,” he proposed, carefully lifting a warm bun with a pair of forks and placing it on her plate. “Now I’ve been told that that my sticky buns are especially good and just the kind of comfort food that you need right now.”

He picked up the teapot and poured her a steaming up, adding a liberal dose of honey. “Give it a try,” he urged.

Rachel looked at the pastry on her plate, glistening with syrup and nuts and heard her stomach grumble loudly at the prospect of something delicious. She felt herself reaching out to pick up the mouth-watering looking treat and took a careful bite. The taste of cinnamon and roasted pecans burst on her tongue and she heard herself sigh in appreciation.

Adam felt himself smile when he heard her moan and take another, more enthusiastic bite. She looked ravenous and the bun was soon done away with. “Another one?” he offered as she sipped at the sweetened tea. The sugar and carbohydrates, while not the most nutritionally positive thing he could have offered, seemed to have energized her a bit.

More importantly, he just wanted to make her feel better. When Kurt had called him the night before with confirmation that their worst expectations had been realized, he immediately gathered the things he’d need for baking and headed into Brooklyn first thing in the morning to help. It wasn’t anything that he wouldn’t have done for any of his Apples, or something that he hadn’t done on a fairly regular basis for his friends.

Rachel finished another roll, along with some fruit and yogurt and felt herself feeling better. At least physically, she did. She sat quietly and sipped at the fragrant tea while Adam wrapped up the leftover buns for later and cleaned up the kitchen.

She looked up at him, puttering about the kitchen and couldn’t help from wondering why he was doing this. It wasn’t as if they were particularly close. She liked him well enough and thought that he was wonderful for Kurt, but it wasn’t as if they were friends in their own right. Having him skip classes and go out of his way to bake her something just because she was feeling badly didn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Once Adam had wiped down the counters, he turned to Rachel with a bright smile. “There…can I make you anything else?” he asked. “Some more tea?”

She shook her head. “No, thank you. I’m fine,” she insisted. “I’m fine…”

Adam saw the tears starting to well up in her eyes and quickly moved in to help. He wrapped her up in his arms and helped move her to the couch where she could cry out her pain on his shoulder. He patted her back gently, muttering comforting sounds as he tried to soothe her. He knew that he couldn’t fix what was hurting her, but he knew that he could be a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on. And maybe remind her that she’s not the only person to have gone through an experience like this.

After Rachel had cried herself out again, her breath coming in soft hiccups, Adam smoothed back her damp hair. “I know sweetheart…” he murmured, letting her take what comfort she could. “It’s going to be alright...”

“No it won’t,” she choked out, her heartbreak evident. “It’s all ruined…”

“Not it isn’t,” Adam insisted gently. “I’m not going to try to tell you not to let this bother you because I know that it won’t do any good. You’re hurting right now and it’s entirely understandable that you would be.

“Give yourself a little bit of time to mourn and get past the immediate hurt,” he advised. “That way when you get the notes from the producers, you’ll have a clearer head and be able to really look at their critique. You’ll move on and learn from this. I promise.”

Rachel’s breath came in hard into her lungs, and tears threatened to start anew. She didn’t want this to be something to learn and grow from. It wasn’t fair that she would have to use this as a “learning experience” while someone who could never have wanted the part or worked for it more than she had would be enjoying what should have been hers. Having Fanny stolen from her was not something that she was ever going to get over.

Adam could see the heartbroken expression on Rachel’s face that she was inconsolable and knew well enough that when she was in this state, reasoning with her just wasn’t going to work. But Kurt had warned him that feeding into her feelings of injustice would only prolong her depression. She needed comforting, to be sure, but she also needed honesty in how to handle what had happened.

The question was if she would actually listen to him. Adam thought that he knew Rachel fairly well by now, and he had seen how badly she could behave when she felt slighted, and that had been merely over Kurt not being acquiescent enough for her tastes. Now she was dealing with a real professional setback and he could understand how hurt she was.

“Rachel, you might not believe this but I do understand what you’re feeling right now,” he said carefully. He doubted that she would be receptive to his overtures, but he had to try. “I was still in middle school when a show was starting on the West End that I desperately wanted to be in. I loved the writer and this was supposed to be a wonderful production. All I could think about was being on stage and that this would be my big break.

“My parents drove me to London so I could audition and I thought for certain that I would get the part,” he explained quietly. “I didn’t even make it was the first round of consideration. They told me that I was too young and didn’t have the depth that they were looking for. Needless to say, I was completely crushed.”

He glanced at the young girl next to him and wondered if she was really listening to him. It was hard to tell with the way her head was hanging with her damp hair falling about her shoulders. He wondered if she truly was incapable of relating to anyone else when she was feeling slighted.

“I was lucky that the director gave me some good feedback, and that my parents got me to stop moping and really listen to it,” Adam insisted. “That’s what got me looking at conservatories, and what eventually lead me to NYADA. And I wouldn’t have gotten any of the roles that I’ve had in the past few years if I hadn’t listened.”

He gently laid his hand over Rachel’s, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You are an immensely talented young woman, and I have no doubt that one day you’ll be standing on a Broadway stage. But don’t let this wear you down so much. I know that this isn’t going to make you feel at all better, but you will get through this.”

He was right, Rachel thought morosely. It wasn’t making her feel better.

She turned her face to look at him, knowing that she looked horrible but didn’t care. “Thank you for trying,” she said as sincerely as she could manage. “But would you mind if I went inside to lie down? I’m really not feeling well.”

Adam knew that she was not in the right mind to really grasp what he was trying to tell her and that pushing the issue would only further enforce her feelings of deprivation. She would have to come to grips with this on her own time.

“Of course, love,” he assured her carefully. He offered her a warm smile, wanting to put her at least. “You go rest. I’ve got some schoolwork to take care of.”

She nodded, giving him a wan smile before disappearing behind her curtain again. Adam sighed, wishing that he could have given her a bit more reassurance, but he knew full well that this was something that she would have to learn for herself. He and Kurt could only support her and hope that she would find it within herself to move past this monumental disappointment.

In the meantime, he might as well get that assignment done for his Stage and Theater Management class.

* * *

Notifying Rachel’s teachers for the day that she wasn’t up to coming to class was easier than he would have thought, Kurt considered as he waited for Madam Tibideaux to call him into her office. Apparently at NYADA, the only justifications for an unplanned absence from class were the bubonic plague or a failed audition. Theater students were a best a temperamental lot and trying to get students who just missed out on a prime role to focus in class directly afterwards was a pretty pointless proposition.

He fought back a yawn, having not gotten any real sleep himself the night before. Rachel had been, understandably, inconsolable. She had clung to him, desperate for comfort and she had been so despondent that he could not bring himself to leave her alone. When she finally actually fell asleep, it was nearly dawn and Kurt had to face trying to muddle through his own day.

Thankfully the Vogue offices hadn’t been a total madhouse because he didn’t think that he could have handled that. Isabelle was out for most of the day visiting several fashion houses to get a sneak preview of the fall collections and left him several assignments to work on in her absence. There were edits to be made to some articles that would be posted in the next month’s edition, but that didn’t tax his brain too much. And thankfully Chase had noticed the dark circles under his eyes, keeping him plied with Starbucks all morning. A quick trip down to the makeup artists and a touch of concealer would let him get through the rest of the day looking a trace more alive.

He was a bit anxious about his meeting with the Dean, knowing that she would give him an unvarnished appraisal of his performances. Most of the student commentary had been complimentary of all the performances, but it was Madam Tibideaux’s assessment that was paramount. He had no doubt that she would have caught every mistake and would bring them to his attention. All part of the learning process, he told himself.

When her secretary told him that the Dean was ready for him, Kurt inhaled to steady his nerves and walked into her office with as much confidence as he could manage. The Dean was seated at her desk, the surface of which was covered with files that Kurt assumed were the applications for the student candidates. Tuning out the thought that Blaine’s application was somewhere in those piles, he waited for his teacher to address him.

“Have a seat, Mr. Hummel,” she ordered. “We have a lot to go over.”

That could be good or bad, Kurt thought as he took the seat. Madame Tibideaux’s critiques tended to be lengthy under the best of circumstances, but she never failed to point out things that he did right along with the aspects that she felt needed improvement. No matter how harsh her criticisms might be, he reminded himself, it wasn’t personal. It was all with the goal of making him a better performer.

She looked up at him, her face framed by her turban of gold and green silk brocade. “We’ve had a lot of positive response to the showcase,” she advised him. “The student applicants were very appreciative, and more than a little in awe of what you and the others showed what you were capable of. I do have to say that you all did quite a fine job in showing what NYADA stands for.”

Kurt felt a smile touch his face. “Thank you, Madam,” he said sincerely. That kind of praise meant a great deal to him.

“Well, however good the audience response was, this is still an opportunity for you to learn and grow and I don’t believe in wasting those opportunities,” she warned.

“Now as a whole, your performances showed all of the technical improvements that we’ve been working on this semester,” she assessed. “You seem to be much more comfortable with the lower end of your range, and you engaged your chest voice very confidently. Your voice was well supported and the tone is much richer. I was also pleased to see you showing off your vocal flexibility so adeptly.”

So far, so good, Kurt thought, not ashamed to admit to himself that he was relieved that the review was starting off on such a positive note. He’d been more concerned about her technical criticisms than he was about his artistic choices so to have her complimentary was a good sign.

“Let’s start with your solo,” Madam Tibideaux suggested as she cued up the video of his solo on her computer, turning the monitor so that Kurt could watch with her. “Overall, it was probably one of the best performances I’ve seen from you since Winter Showcase. Technically, it was very strong. Focusing on your lower and mid range worked extremely well with the material, and I didn’t pick up on any major weaknesses in your projection.”

“It’s something I’ve been working on,” Kurt admitted. “I’m not a natural belter so I’ve been practicing that a lot the past few weeks.”

She nodded approvingly. “Well, it clearly shows. Obviously, there is always room for improvement and I want to see you continuing to work on it. Listen to this point,” she requested, playing back a segment of the song.

Watching it, Kurt could see what she was indicating. “You could see me steeling up for the climax,” he said in bemusement. “Right there… I’m taking a deep breath so I could make sure that I got that note out. I’m practically telegraphing ‘big moment coming’.”

His teacher smiled, pleased that he saw his mistake. “I think that it’s more of a confidence issue than any real concern about you not being able to project that note,” Madam Tibideaux suggested. “As you said, belting doesn’t come naturally to you. But it’s important that you become as comfortable with it as you would be if it were natural. That will come with continued practice and development.”

Kurt nodded, knowing that it was a valid criticism and something he would have to work on.

“Now artistically, I can’t find anything to complain,” Madam Tibideaux informed him with a pleased smile. “That’s always been your strongest talent and you’ve continued to show growth. You had a wonderful grasp of the character and the emotion was clear but not contrived. You made some interesting choices, bringing a lot of focus to the character’s anger as you did his sadness. The emotions were complex and layered and that kept the song from being maudlin.

“I think, most importantly, you were able to get me to see you as the character and not just my student, so very good job on that.”

“Thank you, Madam,” Kurt said gratefully, feeling a sense of relief coming over him.

“Now… your duet with Ms. Khorey,” she pronounced, opening up the next video file.

Kurt braced himself, knowing that this was likely to be a more critical assessment.

The video ran for a bit and Kurt watched his duet play out, paying attention with a critical eye. He tried to tune out that he was watching himself and looking for mistakes. He was surprised at how much he liked what he was seeing. It was a beautiful song and his and Analisa’s voice matched really beautifully.

He seemed to have a good grasp on the character and thought that his performance was convincing enough, but he wondered what Madam Tibideaux had to think.

“I think that you probably surprised yourself with this one,” she said appraisingly, watching her student closely. “This ended up being everything that I wanted to see from you in a romantic duet and I’m glad to see that you rose to the challenge the way you did. I think you see now that it’s not outside your ability to play a straight romantic figure.”

He didn’t miss the amusement in her voice and felt himself chuckling in agreement. “I guess I just had to do it,” he surmised ruefully. “Analisa was a great partner. She really was easy to work with.”

His teacher seemed very pleased with that comment. “You two seemed very comfortable with one another and you both were pushing your boundaries. Like you, Ms. Khorey is facing her own challenges about what is expected of her as a performer. It was one of my reasons for pairing you up.”

Kurt remembered his previous conversation with Madam Tibideaux and what Analisa had told him. Realizing that he wasn’t alone in his concerns about being taken seriously made taking on that challenge a bit easier.

“Technically you were as sound as you were for your solo. You balanced your voice very well with Ms. Khorey’s and supported her very well. You worked together, which is something I always want to see given how competitive students are here.”

That was definitely something he could agree with. And it made sense why Rachel wasn’t assigned a duet, not with her habit of trying to outperform whoever she was singing with. It could be exciting to have that kind of energy to play off of, it wouldn’t work in the kind of performances they were asked to do. Not when they needed to play characters.

Madam Tibideaux sat back in her chair, studying the video a bit more. “You had a very good grasp of the character and there was a clear romantic chemistry between yourself and Ms. Khorey. I will make a bet that those who don’t know you personally would not have immediately guessed that you are gay based on that performance. And that, Mr. Hummel, is what being an actor is about. Making the audience believe that you are something that you are not.”

She played the rest of the video, letting him see the remainder of the performance. “The way you mixed your voice here… keeping the brightness that would play well with a young character but still add in the richness that you’ve been showing more confidently… that was lovely.”

She looked at him frankly. “The reality is that your voice will continue to mature for years so this now should be the baseline for how we measure what you’re capable of. You’re going to need to make a concerted effort in order to keep developing your voice. Even after you graduate, you need to continue with voice training because the voice you have now is not going to be the voice you’ll have in ten years. You have a developing instrument that will need constant training.”

Kurt nodded in understanding. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t expected to hear.

“Now for what we need to work on… your accent during the speaking part..”

Kurt felt himself wincing. He had a feeling that this would come up.

His teacher pursed her lips thoughtfully as she considered the issue. “You had a challenge, singing a role for a character with a distinct accent and so long as you were singing, it worked. It was focusing on style and cadence that you could work with the music on. But the speaking part… that sounded rather amateurish. And the same could be said for your rendition of the Emcee.”

He sighed, knowing that it wasn’t a criticism that he could argue with. It didn’t sound nearly as good as he’d been hoping for. “I can’t disagree with you on that,” he admitted. “It was a lot easier to fake the accent while I was singing.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, I’ve heard much worse. And it’s not as if it’s something that can’t be fixed.” She closed the video and turned to him fully, her sharp eyes fixed on him. “Overall, you proved why you deserve to be a student here. And I hope that you will take from this greater confidence in what you are capable of as a performer. I think that you were not served well in your past performance experiences, but you’ve been seizing the opportunities you’ve found at NYADA. I understand that you are with an extracurricular chorus group.”

Knowing that she was referring to the Apples, Kurt nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, Madam. I’ve been finding it interesting, because it allows me to experiment with material more than I am generally able to do in class. We tend to focus on popular music genres, but the way I see it, there are more shows using rock and pop music so getting comfortable with them just made sense. It also lets me work off stress by performing with friends.”

She nodded approvingly. “It’s a shame that more students don’t take advantage of opportunities like that. And I’ve been informed by your advisor that you’ve taken on a role this summer.”

“The Garrison Shakespeare Festival,” Kurt clarified proudly.

“I’m familiar with them. They’re a very reputable company,” she mused. “What role are you playing, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Kurt didn’t mind at all. “Ensemble for Macbeth and Don John in Much Ado About Nothing,” he said, unable to keep the pleased tone from his voice.

She cocked her head, impressed. “That’s an exceptional opportunity for you,” she informed him. “To have a chance to work with a professional company and see the staging of a production from start to finish. Besides it being a good line on your CV, I think you would do very well to observe and ask as many questions as you can and use it as an opportunity to continue your education. Especially if you plan to take more dramatics studies.”

Kurt nodded in agreement. “I was planning keeping a journal this summer, so I can document everything I learn and any questions that I have,” he proposed.

She nodded in approval. “That’s an excellent idea. You can very much use this job as a means to expand your knowledge base. I’m pleased that you’re thinking ahead.”

Madam Tibideaux picked up her pen and began to jot down some notes. “Now let’s discuss a bit about your future education. I’d like you to continue studying with Professor Collin as well as myself. You’ve benefited greatly and he’s vastly helped with your technical development. And I think you would do well to undertake more classical voice training, which I can work with you on. That will help strengthen your voice.

“I also think that you should strongly consider signing up for the Diction class next year. It’s a skill set that you’ll find invaluable for future roles. You’re a fairly good mimic, so I think you’ll do well there.”

Kurt nodded in agreement. “I definitely want to take that class. I just didn’t have time this semester because I’m playing catch up.”

“Well, you’ve certainly managed to do that,” she informed him. “You may have had a bit of a rocky path getting into NYADA, but you’ve certainly have embraced the opportunities that you had here. And you’ve shown that you are the kind who doesn’t give up easily. That kind of fortitude is going to be critical for you in coming years as you build your professional career. I’m very pleased to see that kind of strength and a total lack of any kind of sense of entitlement.

“I think you are starting to build your confidence as a performer as well,” she mused appraisingly. “You more than hold your own in comparison to your classmates and I believe you have the potential to continue to stand out as a performer. You are talented, but you also are willing to work very hard. That will continue to serve you well.”

The Dean closed her file and gave him a pleased smile. “You are a great credit to this school, Mr. Hummel. And I’m very glad that you didn’t give up after that first refusal. I think being at NYADA means a little bit more to you than most because you had to fight for your place here. You’re not taking it for granted.”

Kurt felt his heart swell a bit at her praise, feeling a bit speechless at her praise. He was so accustomed to being torn down and he’d been on the receiving end of her harsh criticisms before. But this august woman’s praise meant more to him than he could possibly express.

“Thank you, Madam,” he said sincerely, feeling his voice thick in his throat. “That means a tremendous deal to me.”

“Well, you’ve worked very hard and shown enormous growth,” Madam Tibideaux pointed out. “I don’t believe in praising where it’s not warranted, but you’ve earned my respect. And I trust that you won’t disappoint me by slacking off.

“I’ll make sure you get my written assessment by the end of next week,” she promised. “Once I’m done with the applicant evaluations.”

Kurt felt a brief temptation to ask for her thoughts regarding Blaine’s audition, but refrained from doing so. It would be highly inappropriate and in the end, he realized that it didn’t matter to him. He had moved on and grown well beyond his ex. Even if Blaine got admitted, he wouldn’t be in a position to hurt Kurt.

He thanked his teacher for her time and walked out of her office feeling uncommonly pleased with himself. He was looking forward to conferring with Analisa later about her own assessment, but in the meantime he needed to check up on Rachel. Once again, he was deeply grateful for Adam’s kindness in agreeing to keep her company.

Thankfully he was done for the day and could head home to relieve Adam. He very much hoped that Rachel will have gotten over the worst of her mope while he was out, but knowing her as well as he did he knew that was unlikely. She would be holding her pity party until someone dragged her out of it.

Adam greeted him at the door with a warm smile and a kiss. “I’ve got the kettle on,” he said, ushering Kurt back inside. “How did it all go?”

Kurt smiled brightly. “Really, really well. She was very complimentary about both performances. Of course, there were the things she wants me to keep working on, but it was a really good critique.”

“I’m glad,” Adam said, his blue eyes twinkling happily. “Not that I questioned that it wouldn’t be.”

Kurt glanced at the living area, seeing it empty. “Where’s Rachel?” he asked, lowering his voice a bit.

Adam sighed. “She went back into her room after breakfast. I got her to eat a bit, but she’s been keeping to herself all day. I offered her lunch, but she said that she wasn’t hungry.”

Kurt shook his head, having expected that. “She’s always bad when things don’t go her way,” he explained. “And I can’t imagine how disappointed she must be right now.”

“I can understand her being disappointed,” Adam granted. “But she’s going to need to shake herself out of it at some point. Is she going to be like this through her whole career? I don’t mean to be harsh, but it’s not as if this is the only time she’s likely to miss out on a role that she wants.”

Kurt knew that his boyfriend was right and let Adam pull him into a reassuring hug. He rested his head on Adam’s shoulder, taking comfort in his presence. “I know… I just don’t know how to make this better for her.”

“You can’t,” Adam reminded him bluntly. “I know that you want to help her, sweetheart, but you can’t protect her from professional disappointments. They’re going to happen, and she’s going to have to figure out how to handle them on her own.”

He reached to gently turn Kurt’s head to face him, looking intently into his lover’s eyes. “I’m not going to let you spend your life following after Rachel to protect her from any upsetting moment that comes her way. Not when you have your own career to focus on.”

Kurt huffed, wishing that he could find it in himself to argue with Adam. “She’s my friend,” he protested weakly.

Adam gently trailed his fingers down Kurt’s cheek, his eyes softening. “I know she is, darling. But you’re not going to do her any favors by coddling her. She has to find the strength to get through this.”

“So what should I do?” Kurt asked, knowing that he was going to be fighting his own instinct as much as hers in this.

“A little comfort and pampering is more than acceptable the first day,” Adam agreed. “I’ve certain done that for others and needed it myself at times. You let her cry it out and you offered your shoulder. But tomorrow morning she needs to get back up to speed. Otherwise the longer she takes to get her head back into the game, the harder it’s going to be. And if you get into the habit of trying to carry her, it’s never going to stop.”

Kurt wanted to argue with him, that Rachel wasn’t like that but he knew that Adam was right. Kurt couldn’t count the number of times when Rachel’s needs dominated his focus and it wasn’t going to be good for either of them. He’d held his ground after Midnight Madness and it had worked out for the better.

“I hate it when you’re right,” he grumped, giving Adam a perturbed pout.

Adam chuckled and kissed him. “It’ll be all right. She just will need a bit of a push.”

Kurt nodded and stepped out of Adam’s embrace, turning towards Rachel’s bedroom. The curtain was drawn shut and there was no sound of movement within, but Kurt suspected that Rachel would be sulking in bed.

“Hey Rach… we’re going to order Chinese in for dinner,” he called out. “I’ll order the General Tso’s tofu for you.” Hopefully one of her favorite dishes might tempt her out of her cocoon.

“I’m not hungry,” Rachel said wanly from behind her curtain. From the watery tone of her voice, Kurt suspected that she had been crying again.

He sighed, starting to get a bit tired of her dramatics. Adam was right. She needed to pull herself out of this.

“Adam said you haven’t eaten anything since breakfast,” he stated firmly. “And I know you didn’t eat much yesterday.”

He thought he heard her sniffle before she whined, “I don’t want anything.”

“Well, you have to eat something,” he insisted. Looking to Adam, he smiled thankfully at Adam’s supportive gaze. He was doing the right thing, he told himself.

“I’ll call you when dinner is here,” he advised his friend, looking through the takeout menus for their favorite Chinese place.

Adam came up behind Kurt and wrapped his arms around the younger man. “Why don’t you call in the order and we can go pick it up,” he suggested. “I could use with a touch of fresh air.”

“Mmmm… that sounds like a wonderful idea,” Kurt said agreeably. He would enjoy the walk and hopefully, Rachel would have a chance to mentally regroup a bit before they returned.

Otherwise, he feared how long it would take for her to pull herself out of his mood.

* * *

Rachel pushed herself away from the barre, grateful that class was finally winding down. The last thing that she had wanted to do was go to school and she had delayed it as much as possible. But she had dance that morning and Kurt reminded her firmly that there was no way that Ms. July would excuse her from another class. After he all but pulled her out of bed and shoved her towards the shower, admonishing her gently to get ready, he left for his own classes.

Rachel wanted to get right back to bed, but with Kurt at school and Santana at work, there was no one to shield her from the crush of isolation. While she hadn’t been especially responsive to their overtures, she did derive some comfort in their presence outside her curtain. Even when Kurt had to leave her the day before, his boyfriend came to watch out for her and the knowledge that she wasn’t totally alone was comforting.

But now they were all out and there was nothing outside Rachel’s curtain except a crushing silence that became too much to stand. She wandered about the loft, feeling completely alone and shattered and bereft of the kind of support that she very much needed. Staying in the suffocating confines of the loft became too much to bear and while going to school might be the very last thing she wanted to do, it was better than being so totally alone.

She had drifted through her dance class, hovering in the back and doing her best to avoid being noticed. She barely participated at all and felt like every glance in her direction was judgmental and every whispered comment was passing on the gossip about her failure. The one bright light was that Ms. July had so far restrained herself from tossing her usual cutting remarks and insults at Rachel’s direction during the entire class.

She hoped that she would be able to get to sneak into the changing room and make her escape before the other students could start questioning her. Edging towards the door, she could hear Ms. July’s brutal dismissal of her class and tried to slip past without her noticing.

“All right… that’s enough out of all of you,” Ms. July moaned dramatically. “None of you are going to get any better today and you’re wasting your time and mine. Please do me a favor and get some practice in so you all don’t completely embarrass me at your critiques, because I am not in the mood to explain why an entire class is on the verge of flunking.

“So get out of here,” she ordered. The sharp gaze zeroed in on her most besieged student and she snapped out, “Except Schwimmer… the rest of you, clear out!”

Rachel felt herself on the verge of tears again, not sure if she was going to be able to stand having her hated teacher ripping into her again. It just wasn’t fair. How much more was she supposed to take?

The older woman waited for the rest of the class to leave the dance studio, giving them a bit of privacy before she addressed Rachel.

“Look, Berry… I’m not going to give you a hard time,” she said with a bit of uncharacteristic sympathy. “I know that you had a rough audition so I’m going to cut you some slack this time. I know that it sucks to miss out on a part.”

Her eyes then hardened. “But just today. Next week, I want to see you back in class ready to work because I will not be so lenient. You can’t afford to backslide any further. Do you understand?”

Rachel mutely nodded, feeling her cheeks burning in humiliation that the teacher that seemed to hate her so much seemed sympathetic to her plight. Or worse, pitied her. She didn’t know what was worse; that Ms. July knew that she failed to get the part or that she seemed to feel sorry for Rachel.

Either way, she could barely stand to be in her presence another second. Once Ms. July nodded that she was free to leave, she retreated to the changing room where most of the other girls were freshening up for their next classes.

No one approached her, though she did notice a few glances in her direction. Everyone seemed to know, and it was pretty obvious that they were judging her. It was so hard to ignore them and not lash out. None of them had the guts to do what she had done, to put themselves out there for a lead on Broadway and they had no right to be critical of her. Whatever respect she had earned with her Winter Showcase win was completely extinguished.

She had to find a way to fix this. There was no way she could go back to just being another student. Another face in a crowd. All she needed was another chance to show them what she could do.

In the end, that was a bit more difficult than Rachel had expected. She hadn’t been able to locate any office for the director and her call to the theater was rebuffed, but a bit of internet searching and a few discrete phone calls to locate the office of the casting director. If she was lucky, Ms. Gilroy would still be there and if she wasn’t, Rachel was ready to camp out by her office for a brief window of opportunity to reach her.

Melynda Gilroy’s office was in a fairly unimpressive looking building not far from the theater district that required walking up two flights of stairs. But Rachel was determined and climbed up the staircase until she reached the non-descript door to the office. She paused outside the door, taking a deep breath to steady her nerves. She needed to do this, she told herself. Ms. Gilroy seemed like a reasonable woman and all she needed to do was realize that they had made a mistake by cutting Rachel. It was obvious that she was absolutely perfect for the part. This should be easy.

The office door opened and a beautifully dressed young woman darted out, heading towards the bathroom at the end of the hall. This was her chance, Rachel realized as she peeked into the office. Through the open door, she recognized Ms. Gilroy from the auditions standing in her inner office, thumbing through some files and making quick notes. Somehow she appeared younger than Rachel remembered, but then Rachel had to acknowledge that she hadn’t paid that much attention to the appearances of the production team. She was dressed gorgeously in designer clothes and her ash blond hair styled in a neat bob; the kind of casual class that was hard to imitate since it seemed natural to her. On a board behind her, Rachel could see that the casting director had posted the headshots of the actresses that Rachel assumed made it through the callback. About thirty, Rachel guessed, realizing just how few actresses were still being considered.

She felt her stomach tighten uncomfortably, but it was now or never. She stepped into the office and Ms. Gilroy seemed to sense the presence of another person and called out to the woman that Rachel assumed was the woman she just saw run to the bathroom.

“Jenna!” Ms. Gilroy called out as she shoved a group of files into her tote. “Can you call Rupert and confirm that we’re meeting at Ma Péche?”

Rachel swallowed tightly again, trying to moisten her throat. She fought down her nervousness and cleared her throat. “Ms. Gilroy… I’m so sorry for intruding, but I need to speak with you,” she said as firmly as she could manage, pleased that she was able to keep the edgy tremble out of his voice.

The older woman looked up in surprise. “How did you get in here?” she demanded. “Jenna?”

Rachel gestured towards the door with her head “The door was open, and your assistant just ran out for a second,” she explained. She steeled herself and stepped forward. “I’m Rachel Berry.”

“Who?” Ms. Gilroy asked, her face set in an expression of confusion. “I’m sorry, but have we met?”

Rachel felt a twinge at the realization that she wasn’t immediately remembered. “I auditioned for Funny Girl,” she answered, unable to keep the hurt out of her voice that she hadn’t stood out in the casting team’s memory.

Ms. Gilroy’s eyes narrowed as she studied Rachel. “Now I remember. We just saw you at the callback this week.”

Rachel nearly sighed in relief that she was remembered now and nodded. “Yes. I needed to talk to you about the audition. I…”

“We did tell you that you’ll be getting our notes,” Ms. Gilroy reminded her.

“That’ not why I’m here,” Rachel insisted, trying not to sound overwrought. “I wanted to talk to you about reconsidering me. I don’t think that I got to show you my best and really need a chance to show you what I can do.”

The older woman’s lips drew into a disapproving frown at her demand. “This is very, very inappropriate,” she admonished flatly, towering over Rachel in her high heels and looking down at her disapprovingly. “And not at all how we do things.”

Rachel inhaled sharply at the reprimand, but couldn’t relent. “I understand, but I really think that you’re making a mistake.” She could feel the tears starting to well in her eyes and that hurt, panicked feeling was coming back.

There was a flurry as the casting director’s assistant returned and saw the intruder in their office. “I’m so sorry, Melynda! I had to run to the bathroom and didn’t see her come in.”

The director’s expression softened slightly at her assistant’s arrival. “It’s okay, Jenna. Do me a favor and call Rupert. Tell him I’ll be about ten minutes late.” She glanced at the intruder. “I just need a moment to take care of this.”

Her assistant nodded uncertainly, but left to do what her employer requested and closed the office door behind her. Once granted a modicum of privacy, Ms. Gilroy turned to her unexpected visitor. “Have a seat,” she requested, though there was an underlying sternness on her voice that made it more of an order.

“Ms. Gilroy, I’m really sorry about barging in like this, but I really need you to reconsider,” Rachel all but pleaded. “I’ve been working for this part my entire life! It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

The casting director didn’t answer immediately, sitting down at her desk and opening her laptop to search for the file she needed. “Let me find my notes on your audition. You said that your name was Berry, right?” She quickly found what she was looking for and took a moment to read her notes before giving Rachel her full attention.

“Ms. Berry… I do appreciate your enthusiasm for our production, but we put a lot of thought into who we want to continue considering,” she explained with equal firmness and sympathy. “Casting this role is something that we’ve put tremendous thought into. We’ve considered the backgrounds and experience of everyone auditioning, and paid close your performances in making our decision. I do understand that you’re disappointed, but…”

“No! You don’t understand!” Rachel insisted, feeling her eyes watering. “I’ve been waiting my entire life for this! I have been dreaming of playing Fanny since I was old enough to talk. This means everything to me.”

The casting director gave her sharp expression of disapproval. “Are you always in the habit of trying to argue your way into getting what you want? Because it’s a most unbecoming trait,” Ms. Gilroy said critically. “As well as being highly unprofessional.”

Rachel had the good sense to look a more than a little embarrassed at her criticism, but clearly wasn’t about to back down. With a resigned sigh that this discussion was likely to get very unpleasant, Ms. Gilroy folded her hands in front of her and gave the younger woman her full attention.

“I know you must feel like we’ve overlooked you,” she granted. “But rest assured that we considered this very carefully and there were several criteria that you simply did not measure up to.”

Rachel felt herself involuntarily flinch at the stern assessment that she had been lacking in some way and feared what she was about to be told.

“We had to take into consideration that you have never performed in a professional production in any capacity before. That left us with no real way of being able to judge if you would be able to handle not just the pressure of being in the lead role, but the responsibility,” Ms. Gilroy explained. “In this show, we needed to be confident that whoever we cast as Fanny will be capable of basically carrying the entire production. That is a tremendous responsibility. And when we have millions of investor dollars at stake with this production, you would have had to have proven yourself to be beyond exceptional to give us reason to want to take that kind of a risk.”

She gave the young woman a frank look. “To be blunt, we just didn’t see that.”

Rachel could only stare at her, completely bewildered. “I… I don’t understand,” she stammered, growing increasingly confused with what she was being told. “I worked so hard for this. There is no one who can play this part the way I can! I was born to be Fanny!”

“Because you think that you look and sound a bit like Barbra Streisand?” The older woman shook her head in disagreement. “That’s the last thing that we really wanted. And we told you that.

“We told you at the callback that we were looking for performers that are original and can make Fanny their own,” she explained in response to the perplexed expression on Rachel’s face. “Your physical appearance wasn’t a detriment until you started to sing and we saw that it was more than a casual reminder. What you gave us was a very nice facsimile of Streisand’s rendition. But in the end, it was a copy and if our audience wanted to see Barbra as Fanny, they could save a lot of money and watch her on Netflix at home.”

Rachel could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks, numb with the realization that there wasn’t any way that she could argue with what Ms. Gilroy was telling her. The trait that she had always considered to be her strongest selling point as a performer was the one that had destroyed her chances.

“But I’ve dreamed of playing this part for so long,” she protested weakly. “There’s no one who could possibly want it more than me, or work harder for you. Please…”

The casting director shook her head, her expression sympathetic but unwavering. “Somehow I don’t think that’s quiet true,” she corrected gently. “But even if it is, in the end, this is business decision. We need to make the best choice we can to give this show its best chance of being a success.”

Ms. Gilroy closed her laptop and gave Rachel a candid, appraising look. “Look, Rachel… you are a very talented young woman. But you are inexperienced and it showed in your audition. You’re still a student at NYADA, right?” she questioned.

Rachel nodded dumbly, unable to bring herself to speak.

Ms. Gilroy offered her a soft smile of reassurance. “I have no doubt that at some point that I will see you in a Broadway production. But you need time to continue learning and growing to become the kind of performer that we would need you to be. Take advantage of what NYADA has to offer,” she suggested. “Get some real experience under your belt. There are plenty of opportunities for a budding performer to take advantage of if you are serious about building a career.”

She stood up and offered Rachel her hand. Feeling completely disconnected from what was happening to her, Rachel felt herself taking it and accepting the gracious handshake.

“I really do wish you the best, Rachel, and I’m sure that we’ll see you again at other auditions,” Ms. Gilroy offered. “I’ll make sure that I put some suggestions for you in my notes when I send them and I hope to see you in the future.”

Her assistant escorted her out of the office, leaving Rachel with no way of trying to protest further. When the door was closed behind her, it was all Rachel could do not to break down in tears. None of this made any kind of sense and it was clear that whatever was in her future, Funny Girl would not be a part of it. Having that final door closed on her dream felt like her heart was torn from her chest, leaving an empty cavity that nothing would fill.

As she walked through the theater district, she struggled to understand how it all went so wrong. Seeing the theater marquees with the names of the famous no longer filled her with anticipation and hope. Now they were just reminders of what had been taken away from her and what she would never have.

She walked past Sardi’s, where Finn had taken her during their first trip to Nationals and she met one of her idols. She then made her way to the Gershwin Theater, where she and Kurt had stood on the stage and dreamed of their futures together. About her she saw the tourists and theater goers, waiting to be let in for the shows they wanted to see and hoping for a glimpse of a famous face. None of them seemed to notice Rachel drifting by like a ghost.

It felt like she was saying goodbye.

* * *

After a long day of classes, Kurt was exhausted and arrived back at the loft with a relieved sigh. He had so much studying to get done and for the millionth time, questioned the sanity of trying to manage the course load that he had taken on. Maybe he should have just done the summer session to catch up. But he’d done that, he wouldn’t have been able to do the Shakespeare festival. As difficult as the work load had been, he had pretty much caught up with the rest of the students and would have to take only one additional class in the fall semester, so he supposed it would be worth it in the end.

Thankfully he’d been able to manage the at times overwhelming amount of class work and practices, though it did feel like he was juggling flaming chainsaws at times. With finals and spring critiques coming up fast, he knew that his free time would be at an absolute minimum, and he hoped that he could keep his head above water without losing too much of his sanity in the process.

Admittedly, he hadn’t been overly surprised not to have seen Rachel around school at all during the day but he was disappointed. He guessed that she had gone somewhere to lick her wounds, but skipping all of her classes wasn’t going to help her. He sent her a text she was when she missed the free sing session, but got no answer. Nor was she at home when he arrived. He wasn’t sure if he should be worried or pissed off. Deciding that the best thing was to wait for her to come home on her own, he made himself a light snack and pulled out his theatrical history text and tried to get some studying done.

It was already getting dark when the loft door slid open and Rachel slipped quickly in. Kurt looked up from his text book, feeling more than a little relief that she finally resurfaced. “Rach, where were you?” he asked, not hiding his concern. “You missed all your classes this afternoon.”

She looked up at him with eyes that were rimmed with red and clearly from having been crying again recently. “I… I didn’t go,” she admitted softly. “My mind wasn’t into it and…” She paused, sighing sadly. “I wanted to see if maybe I could change their minds. About Funny Girl.”

Kurt stared at her, knowing that he shouldn’t be surprised. He couldn’t help from wondering if she would ever have it in her to actually accept criticism without fighting over it and shook his head in exasperation. “Rachel…”

Rachel didn’t miss the exasperation in his voice and inhaled deeply. “Well, it didn’t work,” she stated dully. “I saw the casting director and she made it clear that I wouldn’t be considered, so it’s over.”

He should have expected her to pull that kind of a stunt. This was always how Rachel did things; if denied something that she wanted, she would always try to argue or wheedle into getting her way. He had seen her do it a hundred times before, but this wasn’t for a glee club solo or admission into a school. This was for a professional role and he couldn’t imagine that her actions had been received well.

“You do realize just how unprofessional that was,” he stated, not bothering to try to hide his exasperation. “Rachel, these are people that you’re probably going end up auditioning for again in the future. Do you want to totally trash your reputation right from the start? Because that’s a good way of doing so.”

“It wasn’t like that!” Rachel snapped, giving into the anger that was starting to build in her.

“Then what was it like?” Kurt demanded. “You always do this. You think that just because you want something that you should get it no matter what anyone else thinks. Did you really think that pestering them was going to get you the part that they apparently decided you weren’t right for?”

“But that’s the point, Kurt,” Rachel insisted. She sat down on the couch and looked at him imploringly. “I was born to be Fanny, and they have some kind of nonsense about what they think Fanny should be and I needed to show them that they were wrong.”

Kurt felt himself shaking his head in exasperation, not sure of what he was going to say to her. Rachel always thought that she was right, and when she was denied something it was the fault of someone else. Never her own shortcomings or mistakes.

“So what did she tell you?” Kurt asked, his tone terse as he gave her the opening to explain herself. “Did she explain why they cut you?”

Rachel huffed when he did not immediately move to comfort her and Kurt could see her getting defensive. “She said some nonsense about being too much like Barbra and that wasn’t what they were looking for,” she complained. “It wasn’t like they gave me the chance to show them that I could play the part another way.”

“How? Like Liza? Or maybe Judy,” Kurt said critically. “You do have a habit of copying your idols when performing.”

She looked at him in shock that he would dare say such a thing. “Kurt! I thought you were my friend!” she wailed, tears welling in her eyes again. “How could you say that?”

Kurt sighed, knowing that this was going to be the start of yet another fight but it needed to be done. He looked at her frankly and stated, “Because it’s true.”

He didn’t miss the distraught expression on her face and tried to explain. “Look, Rachel… you know that I love you. And I think the world about your talent. But you’ve been doing this for a long time. It’s rare now that you sing as yourself. You don’t perform a role as Rachel Berry, but the way you think that Barbra or one of your other diva favorites would.”

“But Barbra is Fanny!” Rachel insisted. “Everyone knows Fanny from the way Barbra played her.”

Kurt nodded. “Except that they weren’t looking for another Barbra,” he pointed out. “They wanted to see how Rachel Barry would play Fanny. Not how Rachel would play Barbra playing Fanny. Don’t you get it?”

He saw her start to shudder and reached out to gently grasp her hand. “Look, honey… I know that you’re disappointed,” he granted as gently as he could. He knew that she really was hurting. “But this isn’t the end of the world. It’s one audition. I know that you really wanted this part, but maybe it’s for the better. You have so much to learn, and…”

“I am so tired of hearing that I should use this as a learning experience,” Rachel growled angrily. She shook off his hand and huddled in on herself. “I’ve been dreaming of this part my entire life!”

Kurt inhaled, keeping a rein on his temper. “It’s the only thing you can do at this point. Especially if you want to get cast the next time around,” he reminded her. “This is why we’re at NYADA. To become the best performers that we can be and the only way to learn is to use our mistakes. Otherwise we’ll just keep making them.”

“Kurt, I did everything I could to show them that I’m right for this part,” Rachel insisted. “I sang my heart out and showed them what I’m able to do. I was meant to be Fanny!”

“Obviously not,” he said calmly, knowing that disagreeing with her when she was in this state would only anger her but she needed to hear it. “Otherwise you wouldn’t have gotten cut.”

Her head shot up, eyes wide as she stared at him in astonishment. “How could you say that?” she demanded, her tone getting harsh when she grasped what he was telling her. “You’re supposed to be my friend! I need you on my side!”

“I am, and I’d be a lousy friend if I didn’t try to tell you when you’re making a mistake,” he stated firmly. He knew that she would be resistant to what he was telling her, but she desperately needed to hear this. “Rachel, I love you but you can be the most stubborn person on the planet sometimes. You never liked being corrected, even when it’s for your own good. And you always try to get around being told no. This time it’s something that you can’t argue or bully your way into getting what you want. So either grow up and learn to use it to your advantage next time or this is just going to happen the next time you go for one of your dream roles.

“This is not the first audition where you won’t the part you want,” he warned. “We’re not in high school anymore. This is the big leagues now. They expect us to be professionals. Listen to what they’re telling you so you can do better next time.”

There was a blankness in Rachel’s eyes at first as his words stuck home, but then the spark of anger began to kindle. Kurt felt a sense of dread coming over him, knowing that she was looking to be reassured, and being told that she wasn’t perfect probably wasn’t a message that she was going to be entirely receptive to but she very much needed to hear it.

“You have no right to be critical about me,” she snapped, the anger now fully overtaking the depression she’d felt over her rejection. Tears began to stream down her face. “You have no idea what it’s like to have something you’ve wanted forever within your grasp only to have them snatch it away!”

Kurt snorted, not at all surprise that she would deflect in order to avoid looking inward. “You’re not serious, are you?” he asked derisively. “I mean, are you that blind to anything that doesn’t affect you directly? How many times did I get turned down for a solo or a lead that I wanted? What happened when I auditioned for NYADA and didn’t get in on my first try? Did I give up?”

He looked at her, entirely done with her self-pitying tantrum. After having to fight and repeatedly rally from failure in order to have what few successes he could claim so casually dismissed in order to appease her sense of injustice, he realized just how deep her delusions about her self-imagined destiny of stardom ran. There would be no reasoning with her hen she was this irrational, and he found himself angry over her petulance.

“Poor Rachel,” he said, not bothering to hid his mocking tone. “For once she doesn’t get something that she wants and can’t badger her way into getting it. So the world has to end because you didn’t get the part? Not going to happen.”

“I knew it,” Rachel snapped, jabbing her finger into his chest. “You wanted me to fail! Because you wanted to be the one on top for once. Now you can lord over me that you got a part while I’m left with nothing! That’s what you always wanted!”

Kurt shook his head ruefully, wondering if Rachel had totally snapped. She always lashed out and could be vicious when she was upset, but he was no longer in a mood to try to soothe her. Not after so many years of watching her throw herself about every time she was denied something that she wanted.

“Rachel, let’s get some truth time here,” he all but snarled. “Because I think your grasp on reality needs a bit of recalibration.”

She blinked in shock, taken aback by his refusal to back down.

“I didn’t think you’d get the part because I don’t think that you’re really ready for it. But I hoped that you would because I know how much you wanted it,” he admitted honestly. “But right now I’m kind of glad that you didn’t get it. Because if you’re this much of a spoiled brat under normal circumstances, I’d hate to see how much of a monster you’d be if you did get it.”

Rachel flinched as if he’d struck her, and he supposed that would have been preferable to her. Kurt had just thrown every one of her insecurities and flaws in her face without making the smallest effort to temper the blow. And for once, he was glad that he didn’t. After so many years of catering to her whims, he was tired. He was tired of acquiescing to her all the time, to try to make things better every time she suffered the least disappointments. How often did he put his own feelings on the backburner in order to deal with her latest dramas or feelings of persecution?

She stared at him, her eyes hard behind the shimmer of tears that were threatening again. “Well, you’re not going to have to worry about this anymore,” she insisted, drawing herself up with as much dignity as she could manage. “Because obviously I’m obviously a bother to you and it’s obvious that my Broadway dreams are futile.”

Kurt felt himself rolling his eyes at her melodrama. “And here you go. You’ve always got to go to the extreme. Rachel… I’m on your side here,” he reminded her. “There is no one who wants to support you more, but sometimes you make it so damned hard.”

He turned away from her, needing a moment to center himself so that their fight didn’t escalate any further. Rachel knew what buttons to push with him, and when she was in this mindset she was hard to reason with. He wanted to support her, but when she got into this unreasonable mindset, it was difficult to remember why he’d felt she was worth the effort.

“I can’t fix this for you,” he explained, trying to be gentle. He knew probably better than anyone else how Rachel’s mind worked and the way she lashed out when upset didn’t exactly surprise him. “You’re going to have to find it in yourself to move on from this, otherwise you’re right… your dreams will be over.”

Kurt did want to hug her and offer what comfort he could, but he knew that she wouldn’t appreciate it since he wasn’t telling her what she wanted to hear. And it wasn’t what she needed at the moment. “Don’t let this one disappointment stop you from chasing your dreams,” he urged as kindly as he could manage.

Rachel didn’t say anything in response, and Kurt knew that there was nothing he could tell her at this moment that would make her feel any better. He sighed, knowing that she would have to figure this out for herself.

“Look… I haven’t planned anything for dinner. Want to order something in? My treat,” he offered, hoping to make peace between them.

She blinked back tears, not answering at first. But after a long hesitation she finally nodded.

“Can we do pizza?” she asked softly. “The good kind?”

Kurt gave her a warm smile. Rachel requesting proper pizza with real cheese was a good sign that he might have gotten through to her. “You got it. Mushrooms and spinach?” he asked.

She nodded again, wiping the tears from her eyes. “Kurt… I’m sorry,” she said tearfully. “I didn’t mean…”

He nodded in understanding. “It’s okay,” he assured her. He held out his arms and let her fall into them for a reassuring cuddle.

Kurt knew that this was just a lull in the storm and until Rachel really came to grips with what happened and what she could do going forward, it was going to be tense. Hopefully it wouldn’t be much longer because he didn’t know how much more of this he could take.

#kadam fic #kurt hummel #adam crawford #rachel berry #santana lopez #lol blaine anderson #nyada #carmen tibideaux #just breathe

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opepin · 7 years

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april: week three

17: i ended up waking up at 8 am. i did open my eyes at 7:30 am but i felt like i needed more sleep. i hit my sleep goal of 7 hours but i’m trying to get 8 hours of sleep every day now. so i got up, brushed my teeth, did cardio kickboxing for 35 minutes, ate breakfast while cooling down, showered, changed, and realized that i still had time to curl my hair if i wanted to and relax a bit before heading out to work! today i chose to work from home because of the boston marathon day and all of that traffic. so, based on my test, it looks like waking up at 7 am will do the trick. it’s about 30-40 minutes earlier than i usually wake up, but we’ll see if it’s worth it. i felt tired but a tiny bit more awake after. kevin was still sleeping so i hopped on my laptop and tried to do work quietly before heading out into the living room to do my first solo call ever :)

i think i went into it too fast but phil liked my bold approach aha. the rest of the day was working on my tutorials and fixing up some client stuff. kevin and i microwaved leftovers and ate outside today. it was soooo nice. then we went back to work and we went to roche bros afterward. we got a $5 strawberry rhubarb pie and also the latest sweet chili garlic snyder’s pretzel pieces, which are pretty good. i think the honey mustard flavor still has my heart. the pie was good and then i ate half a slice more and then my stomach died a bit. i exercised and then showered and relaxed for the rest of the night. i felt moody... i helped kevin wash the dishes while he cooked. we ate a late dinner and i didn’t eat much because of my stomach and i was going to sleep in like an hour. we watched an episode of ‘the travelers’ and then i got into bed at like 10:45 pm and knocked out a bit after.

18: mmm i felt awake when my alarm rang at 7 am. i stayed in bed for a bit and then got ready and did a 25 minute dance cardio workout. i showered and then ate breakfast. i think i’ll be fine doing this for a while. i did a good amount of work in the morning and then walked to the high st food truck area with cole and charles. they got food while i deposited my extra cash. cole got a beautiful mango lassi and i wish i could get one too but nooo ;( i ate with the dev guys and then hopped on my standup right after. my astigmatism kicked in real bad during the last half of the day but i continued doing work and taking breaks when needed. oh, prepare yourself because this is tmi (maybe), but i got my period and i wasn’t expecting it but i had two panty liners in my wallet so it was ok for a bit... so i tried checking the free tampon and pad dispenser but nothing was in it. i asked the front desk worker and she said she put in a work order asap. 20 minutes passed and i checked back -- nothing. then it became a few hours and still nothing. so i was stuck at work and had a call at the end of the day that i had to be on. so i had to use the tp technique and then got home asap. sigh. it wasn’t bad though because it was the first day :)

i did stop by the chocolate store with cole though ahahhaa. i got a dark chocolate easter bunny head on a stick and a dark chocolate peanut butter egg for the price of one! they were on sale of course. cole got his juicy pear jelly beans and his pb cups again. i got back and then chilled for a bit and then did the second part of my exercise routine. it felt good! i did bang my knee on the floor but it’s okay, LOL. then i washed the dishes and put the chicken in the oven and i showered. kevin got back kind of late so i snacked on grapes and watched ‘reign.’ kevin showered and then cooked veggies while i played ‘bravely default.’ then we had dinner while watching the second episode of ‘the travelers.’ kevin doesn’t really like it after finishing the second episode. i just gamed and kind of paid attention. it was already 10:30 pm by the end of show so i got ready for bed, kevin cuddled with me before i slept and then he went to game. i slept a bit later than expected, but it was still only 11:15 pm.

19: it felt like someone punched me in the stomach and i kept tossing and turning in my sleep. i looked at my phone and it was 6:30 am T_T so i laid in bed until 7 am or so and then got up. i had to do a bit of clean up and then i went right into my workout. i managed to do 30 minutes of hiit and abs, prepare breakfast, shower, change, eat, pack up my bag, and say goodbye to kevin. i thought i was going to be late but i got to the office at like 9:20 am. i got on a 8:40 am train though and there were minor delays? hmm. interesting. anyway, i really wanted to go into the office for some reason. i asked cole if i could sit at his desk but he answered during lunch time so i just worked at my desk. i wanted to look out the windows today to help my eyes. it was hard getting into the work zone, but i did it! i got hungry early so i ate my lunch at my desk and then went to high st to look at the food trucks.

there was ‘gogi on the block’ and they had smoothies! the line was extremely long though. there was also a chickpea food truck, which was interesting. i walked back and then went back to work. at the end of the day, i chatted with raj and cait about new york, food, and etc. it was a nice conversation and i ended my day on that. i was so brain dead at 4 pm so it was nice getting to talk to them :) i met up with kevin at the children’s museum and we took the train home together. i nommed on chocolate when i got back and we chilled on the sofa for a bit. then kevin played overwatch while i did 30 minutes of abs. i went and showered and then helped kevin cook the one pot spring pasta. we ate while watching ‘the 100′, which we both do not like. then we just spent the last hour before i went to sleep looking at apartments. we might move and we have a pretty good idea of where we would move. we might even tour the place on saturday just for fun and to see :) i got ready for bed and then ko’d at around 11 pm. kevin spent the rest of the night probably gaming.

20: i was tired when i got up... but i still did 16 minutes of hiit and also 14 minutes of hip hop cardio. my morning was a bit rushed but i made it to work on time and i ate breakfast :P the office was obviously packed because it was thursday and even though i was tired, i was more focused than i was yesterday. i talked to gbf about workouts and etc. i also got to talk to jeanne for a bit too. the day went by pretty fast. i caught up with phil and then went on a demo with him and the team. i ended up being pretty productive by the end of the day. cole left early with steve and i had to stay back and finish up work anyway. i took the train back home and then chilled for a bit and did some back workouts. then i took a quick shower and watched youtube videos for the rest of the night. kevin made eggs with chives and rice. we ate that while watching another episode of black mirror. this one was slightly funny in my opinion, but it was also sad. i was going to wfh tomorrow so i stayed up a bit longer than usual. me and kevin just looked a bit more at apartments. i fell asleep on kevin while he was playing pokemon. then he went to play overwatch and i went back to sleep. i drooled on him a little and he just laughed :P

21: my body woke me up at 7:30 am but i went back to sleep until 8:30 am and then i got up 15 minutes later. i did a less intense zumba exercise today because my body is pretty worn out. then i showered and hopped on my 10 am call. i did a good amount of talking during this call today and it went well :) then i spent some time working on the clients’ stuff. oh, kevin made me an egg sandwich this morning and it was so yummy :D hehe cooked some red onions and it was perfect. so i did some work and got a chance to pick up my packages! we got our prints from rotofugi and i got my package from memebox. i just re-ordered the dynasty cream and i got the benton travel kit because i wanted to hit free shipping. everything in that kit is aloe-focused so my skin should be fine. i talked to vivian for a bit and then went back to work.

i am frustrated with blogilates’ videos right now... they’re super short and she talks at the beginning of every single one. it’s a pain to skip it every time. i tried two of her new butt videos and then gave up and did two of chloe’s legs and butt videos. kevin came back and we ordered from hakata ramen. we both got their new sushi burgers. i got the unagi and he got the crab patty. we shared a dragon roll. it wasn’t what i expected... it was an actual burger with just the meat that was stated. i thought it was going to be rice patties :( my burger was meh. their “sweet potato fries” were actually 5 pieces of sweet potato tempura and the dragon roll (as usual) was great, ahha. we watched another episode of black mirror while eating. this one annoyed me because the protagonist was not like-able and she was kinda useless, ahha. the rest of the night we gamed and went to sleep pretty early at 12 am or 1 am. i think we were both wiped out by this week. i can feel my body adjusting to my schedule changes though. :) so grateful for kevin understanding my schedule change and both of us trying our best to spend time together still even though i sleep at 11 pm, get up at 7 am, and he sleeps at 1-2 am and gets up at 9-10 am. thanks, bearest.

22: i wanted to work out in the morning but i just stayed in bed. i was tired and i knew i was going to do the 60 minute kickboxing video later so i told myself i would just do it all in one go because we had a chill weekend. we ate leftovers for breakfast and then we headed out to the mall so i could do some shoe research and just to get out of the apartment and walk around. we also wanted to eat more of the auntie anne’s pretzels...ahha. we stopped by all the department stores and some clothing stores. i didn’t get anything and after all of that, i just figured that i really want the dr. scholl’s loafers i’ve been looking at. kevin ended up getting red sperry sneakers at nordstrom and they look really good on him. we got an original pretzel and some cinnamon sugar nuggets before shopping and it was too much for us. luckily, we filled up our water bottles and we just walked it off. we stopped by brookstone so that kevin could get his massage and by 3:45 pm, we were exhausted. being in a mall wiped us out and it was screen / signage overload. man, we’re so old now haha.

we drove to oh my tea to get some boba before our apartment tour at west of chestnut. we chilled in the car because it got too cold. oh, let me mention that winston beat my step score for fitbit and i tried my very best to walk everywhere but still couldn’t beat it at the end of the day. this boy walked 20k steps on friday and saturday so i’m like wtf. i’ll get back to him! anyway, kevin and i got into the apartment and started our tour. the leasing agent, lisa, was so funny and nice. this apartment complex is really nice. the floor plan we looked at is bigger than deco and about the same price. it was a good tour and we ended on a good note. i think the biggest difference is that deco is a bit more luxury with the gigantic bathtub and bathroom and just the way the kitchen cabinets are presented, but the atmosphere at west of chestnut (woc) is much more chill and friendlier. we took note of this and will keep them in mind. the location is prime because it’s near the quincy center train stop and in the middle of downtown quincy -- we could walk to fat cat and it is right across the street from oh my tea. x__x;

we headed to shaking crab after and got some cajun fries, garlic noodles, alaskan snow crab, and crawfish. mmm. it was both our first times eating seafood in a bag with sauce and it was pretty good. kevin was having so much fun! i had fun learning how to break seafood. the fries were on point and so were the garlic noodles. they were the best garlic noodles i’ve ever had. we went home in a good mood. we both gamed for a bit to digest and then kevin went climbing and i did my workout. it was good! i thought my stamina would be worse because i split my exercise this past week, but i did everything perfectly. it was a great workout -- i felt great. i showered and then i talked to hillary on the phone for a bit. i miss this girl :< i’m so happy i get to see her in a week! it was around 12 am but i still wanted to watch ‘about time’ with kevin so we hooked it up and watched that. kevin said it is his favorite chick flick now. yasss, this movie still gave me all the feels. kevin got real giddy when watching :P it was cute. we talked about the movie for a bit after and i had a pretty bad headache so we brushed and then went to sleep at like 3 am (no wonder i had a headache).

23: we woke up at around 10 am and stayed in bed until 11 am. i watched some youtube videos and then took my sunday morning shower -- it’s such a treat :) then i ate potstickers that kevin cooked and some cereal and some leftover pasta. then i played some ‘bravely default’ and watched more videos until kevin was done playing overwatch. we meal planned and then headed out! we went to bj’s first because we needed to restock on a lot of things from there. then we went back to unload the car and put everything away. we got back in the car and parked in kam man but crossed the street to check out the other asian grocery store. it’s called, “lucky fortune” and it is way smaller than kam man but their produce and seafood is sooo fresh. we’re definitely going here for some fruit now. they also had a wide selection of snacks and i got this interesting grape squeeze pocky there. kevin got real hungry and bought a hotdog bun and some egg tarts. oh, we got candy samples at bj’s because we managed to get there early :P anyway, i had a lot of sugary snacks.

i also snacked on the new berry cheerios we got from bj’s and they are so good. anyway, we got some scallions and produce there, went over to kam man to get a few more groceries, and headed to roche to get white bread, kale, and my dark chocolate for period weeks. i actually found the brand i was looking for! maybe i’ll make a showcase on random things i got this week haha. then we drove back, put everything away, kevin made himself some soup dumplings we got at lucky fortune (they were delicious), and i watched more videos. i had a lot of videos to catch up on. then i contacted fitbit customer support because i stained my pink band :( my customer service rep was a dream and she made an order for 2 replacement bands. i got 2 of the regular ones because i wanted to get a darker one so colors wouldn’t transfer so easily. then i did some surveys and internet errands while kevin cooked.

i did laundry, cleaned the bathroom, and cleaned the kitchen today. we ate shrimp toast and stir fried cabbage for dinner while watching an episode of ‘black mirror.’ then we realized how “late” it was (for me) and so we took out the trash and kevin washed dishes while i cleaned some of the tables. then he vacuumed and swiffered while i completely cleaned the kitchen. we were we about done, i broke my glass mug T__T it was sitting on a chair because i put it there to clean the island and when i went to pick it up and move it, it slipped and hit the ground. i was pretty upset. :( i got it from mark during the christmas white elephant thingy. sigh. kevin did his best and cheered me up though <3 his hugs are the best. then we brushed our teeth and i showered and i went to sleep while he gamed. he did wake me up while arguing with jon about something -- the usual LOL.

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