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seawater-aurelia-writing · 1 year

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Broken { The Break; Chapter 2}

Pairing(s): Fem!MC/Yuu/Reader x TBD

Summary: MC awakens after her fall but the reactions of others make her spiral worse - but not all is as it seems.

WARNINGS

I am not the best at labeling warnings or triggers but I can say that this story is laden with neglect, self-depreciation, self-neglect, anxiety, possible depression and attempts to justify the above. There could be more labels that I can add but i’m unsure how to word them - so please exercise caution.

I liiiiiiiiiiiive! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ I restarted this SO many times and yet I could never get it to feel...'right'...So I hope this lives up to yall's expectations! Sorry for the bad summary lol

One last disclaimer though! I have not seen the entirety of Chapter 6 and I have avoided pretty much all content for Chapter 7 as far as i'm aware. So I may not have everyone exactly in character in new things were revealed for them.

When M/C awoke, she half expected to be in the infirmary as she was when she was knocked unconscious during the Magift Tournament. But the other half of her?

She didn’t expect much. Be it the stillness of the void around her, or the library floor if Professor Trein left her where she fell – there wouldn’t be much difference. It's what usually happened anyway; She could handle her injuries herself if that was the case. However, she supposed there was some form of upside to being in the infirmary.

If she was left in the void, how else would she know firsthand how she burdened and upset those around her.

‘It’s so late…’ She thought to herself, gazing out of the window across from her bed. She could barely make out the faintest shape of the moon – a crescent. Even the moon was smiling at just how pathetic she had to look at this moment.

“-C. M/C!”

Why was it so hard for her to hear? Even as she turned her head slowly, moving her eyes to gaze up at the headmaster beside her, it was as if someone had placed her in a tub of mud. She moved so slowly, without much feeling other than a sharp pain as she tried to rest the side of her head down onto the pillow.

“…Hng..”

“Thank goodness, you’ve finally awoken! It’s been two days already! What on earth did you drink to cause you to create such an awful mess of the library?! You know very well that you cannot ...poultices as other students do because of ... Furthermore, I believe I ...use it for research not as ...a playground!” He ranted but his voice faded in and out as he spoke. But why? Why can't I hear him?

Only an idiot would zone out at a time like this.

Crowley sighed, clearly exasperated when she didn’t attempt to speak.

‘He hates that he let you stay here. Who can't do simple chores?He wishes he never helped you.’

“Once you are ...leave, you are to clean up ...the library. Luckily, ...the matter with you ...I can see.” He continued after a moment, his arms folding over his chest as he gazed down at her. Slowly, it became easier to focus but the ringing in her ears never "Actually...Our nurse is ...but I see no reason ...release you myself."

“…Y-yes…sir.” She rasped, voice dry and hoarse from lack of use.How long had she been unconscious? But again, did it truly matter? But what did that matter? Clearly, the pain in her head wasn’t real and not a sign of something worse. Why should she expect something else?

'He wants you gone.'

'You're taking up space.'

'Stop being selfish.'

'Because you think you're worth more than you are.'

Ace, Deuce and Grim came to visit her that day at lunch just before her release but the visit felt hollow. They laughed and teased her for her clumsiness, even Deuce smiling a bit at the dramatics of Grim, but none seemed to notice the forced smile that M/C put on her face. None noticed how her eyes twitched at the sharp, spike of pain that formed when they grew louder.

‘They’re only here because they’re forced to be. Stop thinking about yourself.’

'Just smile. Don't make a scene.'

When M/C had been released earlier that day, she was urged straight to attend the final class of that day rather than go straight to Ramshackle.

‘Please let this go by fast…’ She thought to herself, letting Rook lead the way to their class as the pain in her head continued to grow. M/C closed her eyes for a moment, missing the way Rook glanced back at her and shifted his body to walk closer to her. 'Please...'

Yet it did not.

MC felt as if she was on autopilot as she sat in class, sluggishly marking notes where needed and nodding along with the lecture but nothing seemed to sink in, no matter how many times she willed herself to focus in. Rook would boisterously comment on things, his voice jolting her to the present long enough for her to gaze at him and then the teacher before her focus waned once more.

‘You’re so needy.’ Why couldn’t she just move past her little incident? Everyone else already had moved past it, so it clearly wasn’t very important. She had no right to wish that others worry about her. They had bigger things to worry about, more important things to focus on.

Right?

‘Why can’t you handle this on your own?” Why couldn’t she? It was only one day just like the others! It wasn’t even hard! Ruggie had gone without meals more than she had! So obviously, she was just exaggerating. Vil had more things to worry about than she did including an actual career! What right did she have to complain about doing a few favors?

‘You’re pathetic.’

‘A waste of space.’

‘What good is someone who screws up a simple thing?’

‘No one cares.’

‘You’re replaceable.’

‘Forgettable.’

As class ended, MC prepared for her cycle to begin once more and so it did. Rather than go to dinner, Kalim latched onto MC the moment she was out of the classroom. The pain in her head returned full force with his boisterous volume right beside her ear but she still smiled.

He offered to help the next time she went to the library since he knew ladders were tricky.

‘They aren’t tricky. He’s pitying you’

“Kalim, leave her alone. She needs to rest.” Jamil finally said after a few minutes, his eyes not leaving her as he spoke. He almost seemed to study her before adding, “She isn’t looking well.”

‘Pathetic.’

“Huh,? Oh right! I’m sorry! Go, go rest up! We can plan a group dinner later!” Kalim practically beamed before ushering her away from the cafeteria despite Grim’s many protests and her own stumbling feet.

“B-But -”

But they were already on Main Street by the time MC attempted to speak. Why was she always so hesitant when it came to these things? She barely uttered a word in the entire conversation and despite Jamil’s eyes on her, it was as if she wasn’t really a part of the conversation. Just a figure meant to listen but not contribute.

Always there but never meant to fully be there.

MC didn’t register her body moving as she went towards the direction of Ramshackle, her form practically shrinking in on itself as they went. Grimm was rambling on and on as he floated beside her, while she let her body guide her on a path she had now memorized.

“…Just…pathetic…” She mumbled, one hand coming up to grasp at the other elbow. That’s what she was, wasn’t she? She didn’t stand out other than being magicless but even then people seemed to forget. No one cared that she couldn’t magically make a situation better, but they expected her to do it anyway. Just like no one seemed to care about her wellbeing but they expected her to always be okay. Thoughts of Riddle, Leona, Azul, Kalim, and Vil drifted into her mind - how each of them experienced their own breaks during the Overblots, how they opened up about what hurt them, how everyone listened and tried to help them. She thought about how Crowley actually brought in special healers and therapists just for them for weeks after their incidents and how they still have check-ins with him to ensure they’re on the right track.

Where was that for her? Her body couldn’t produce magic, she couldn’t Overblot to make others realize how badly she was hurt mentally, physically, emotionally. She couldn’t voice her worries because who would listen? Even when she tried to warn her friends about the smallest of dangers, they simply brushed her off. Her words didn’t matter; so why would her thoughts matter.

‘Is that it?’ She wondered, a sudden cold feeling filling her form. What if she truly was the issue? Why was she so focused on having her thoughts and feelings acknowledged when she knew that all others wanted was for her to help them? They are all more important than her pathetic emotions, right? They have a life and future here in their world and it’s clear she’s just an anomaly who may never return to where she was once from. Was she - overvaluing herself? Was it all-

“It’s your fault, you know!” Grimm yelled suddenly, directly in front of her.

MC stopped suddenly, a cold chill rushing through her body at the words. Her fingernails slowly began digging into her skin as she looked into Grim’s eyes. “W-what?”

“It’s your fault!! You know, I had to do cleaning duty!” He complained, his little paws resting on his hips as he scowled. “I wanted to pick up some of that discount tuna before Ruggie got all of it but I was roped into cleaning! Not to mention those creepy twins came at me about something you forgot! And you forgot the library today! I'm not cleaning that just because you're lazy and took a fall! You’re my henchman, not the other way around! Don’t be selfish! ”

M/C this. M/C that. Clean the weeds. Fetch my things. Deliver this. Talk to this person. Clean this, clean that. Keeping busy, always busy.

'It's for the best. They have other things to focus on-'

She stopped walking, her head hurting more and more, as if a little thing was smashing cauldrons over and over against her brain. Her heart joined the rhymed pounding so hard, she gripped her chest in a vain attempt to calm it.

"Stop-" She gasped but couldn't say more as she stepped back, her throat clenching.

'They are more important. Don't deny it'

'They will never care about you.'

'You don't belong here.'

“I know as the Great Magician that I am, that I need to carry the both of us since you're useless without magic but you need to watch it with the - huh? MC?!” Grimm continued, his tone shifting to something MC didn’t want to hear – something she couldn’t hear.

She backed away, one step and then two before rushing off towards the entrance gates of the College. Not once looking back.

Her surroundings blurred as she ran, not taking into account where she was truly going - just knowing that she had to get away, far away. From the Grim, from all of the others, from Night Raven College, from everything.She just wanted it all to go away!

'Useless.'

'Magicless.'

‘Selfish’

"Stop! Stop it!" She sobbed, her breath catching in her throat. Her chest began to hurt more than her head caused her to stagger in her stride. M/C felt herself tumble down and crash down a slope, the brush scratching her as she went down before she hit something hard and frigid.

She sobbed as the thoughts continued to repeat in her head; Every overblot, every chore, every demand, every reprimand, every expectation, and every sign of disappointment. Why was she truly like this? She wasn’t good for anything but menial tasks due to her lack of magic and still she can’t do any of that right.

“Make it stop, make it stop, makeitstop…”

She didn’t know how long she laid there, nor how long she was sobbing, begging and screaming for the pain to go away, for the thoughts to go away. The pain in her head only grew the more she cried, and as it grew - so did that pain and tightness in her chest.

‘Useless.’

‘Useless!’

‘USELE-’

Until the darkness took her under again.

But unlike before - the chill of the darkness grew stronger and more intense until it was the only thing she was able to feel. Just as the voices were the only thing she was able to hear. Repeating their words over and over, in a hell that she couldn’t wake up from.

After what seems like ages, a gradual warmth began to seep into the darkness around her. A spreading, far reaching feeling spreading across her body but oddly focused around her back and under her legs.

‘What is…’ She wondered as another sensation came to her slowly, a rocking kind of motion accompanied by a lightness. It reminded her of the gentle swaying of the waves of Coral Sea but was swiftly ruined by the sound of harsh thunder reigniting the pain in her head. A flash of brilliant light flashed across her eyelids, causing her to whimper.

“Are…-ake, dear?” A familiar, deep voice crooned, not loud enough to hurt her head any further but enough for her to hear it clearly.

‘This voice…I know it…I..Why is he-’

‘You’re wasting his time.’

“Shhh, your heart…racing again. You…it’s Lillia…Focus on my breathing, little one.” Lillia’s voice soothed, as the rocking motion slowed - was she being carried? M/C registered the warmth tightening around her slightly as her breath quickened unintentionally. “Shhh, focus…. You can do it. Think of nothing else but my voice and deep breaths.”

It took what felt like ages before M/C was able to focus on the steady rise and fall of her head in time with Lillia’s breathing. The ache in her chest lightened but the pain in her head did not, only worsening as she attempted to open her eyes. Another flash of lightning, red eyes and furrowed brows.

“It’s best if your eyes remain closed. The storm will only worsen the pain of your concussion.” Lillia remarked, just before more thunder rumbled. “ You worried us all, dear. Especially dear Malleus.”

“C-concussion? B-but I…don’t have a-” She mumbled, turning her head to hide from the storm before a thought flashed through her mind. “T-The library! I didn’t clean i-”

“You will not be cleaning anything nor doing any chores for the foreseeable future, little one.” Lillia cut her off quickly, his soft voice containing a firmer tone than she was used to hearing. “You are injured and have been pushing yourself too hard. Far harder than you should have.”

‘He knows you can’t do it. That’s why he said that.’

‘He knows you’re pathetic.’

“No, n-no I’m not. It’s fine. If anything I need to push harder, heh.” She forced out a laugh, attempting to lighten the atmosphere but Lillia merely sighed. “I-It’s nothing really!”

“You’ve barely been eating, little one. Silver told me as such and I witnessed it myself; We were going to ensure you ate this evening but you didn’t show. In addition, you’ve been having more accidents than usual and have been unfocused. You. Are.Exhausted.”

“No, it’s fine. I just, if I just finish this one thing then it’s fine. I-I can clean the library super fast and it’s all okay!” She pressed, fighting the urge to cry once more. Had her screw ups been that apparent? She didn’t mean to; She was doing her best!

“But it’s never just one thing, is it?” M/C faintly registered the sound of his shoes upon cobblestone, were they back on campus? “After this, then there’s another favor that’s asked of you, another assignment, another mess to clean. But – have you had time for yourself, little one?”

“…I-I do at night I have-“ The words trailed off as she tried to think of something. She did have time to herself at night but it was never for long, especially when her thoughts would become so loud or she would get those odd dreams of things she swears she’s seen but can’t fully remember.

“But you live with Grim,yes? Who boasts about how tidy you keep your shared room…so I can only wonder how much alone time you get in there at all.” He hummed,and for a brief moment MC felt the brush of something soft and silken brush her face. Lilia seemed to shift slightly, curling into her before the gently swaying became an airy sensation, like she was adrift but his warmth continued to steady her.

“…”

“And let us not forget that Malleus often takes his nightly walks in your area; Often alongside you, yes? He’s told us that he’s seen lights on in Ramshackle as late as the early morning hours even after he’s escorted you home.”

“Ramshackle…isn’t my home.” She mumbled, her eyes growing hot and tears welled within. “This isn’t my home, I don’t belong and that’s why this doesn’t matter. I don’t know why you’re wasting your time with me; you have better things-”

“Do you know what’s the scariest thing in the world?”

“Huh?”

Lilia’s voice was low as he continued to speak, “Asking for help. You have to open yourself up and admit to yourself and someone else that you need help. That you need someone there to help you stand until you get your footing once again. There’s not many people who can open themselves up to doing that. Magically inclined or not.”

MC thinks of everyone who asks her for help. “No one seems to have that issue here…”

“They do love to ask you for things but not for those matters that are oh-so troubling to them. Most would rather keep to themselves and allow their thoughts to consume them before they incite their pleas. Does that sound familiar?”

MC bit her lip, her eyes opening partially as her tears finally began to fall. She vaguely noticed the dim setting around them, but nothing was truly familiar as her tears blurred her sight. “All of you already have so much to worry about and futures to plan and…it’s just…better if I don’t ask.”

“And what, praytell, about your future, little one?” Lilia pressed as MC shakily used her hands to wipe her tears away.

“I…don’t think I have one. I don’t have magic so I can’t really….. I’m a magic-less student in a magically-based academy – how am I even going to use what I’m being taught? I’m just pathetic and worthless-.”

“Enough. I refuse to listen to you slander yourself in such a way, Child of Man.”

MC tensed as Malleus’s voice rang out firm from somewhere in front of Lilia and herself. She slowly parted her fingers, blinking so as to get a clear peek between them but quickly came to wish she hadn’t. She wished she could go back to that unknown area where Lilia had taken her from and just melt there where she wouldn’t have to deal with what was in front of her and the implications it all held.

Standing before her, in the main room of Ramshackle Dorm, were the Dorm Leaders , Grim and Sam with various expressions across their faces. -----------------------------taglist-------------------------------

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #female reader #Female Ramshackle Prefect #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #lilia vanrouge #Grimm #Grim #Rook Hunt #Dire Crowley #Malleus Draconia #It's been a while since I tagged lol

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ripneteyam · 1 year

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so i just made one of my first edits and it’s a very depressing neteyam one

please give it a like or reblog if you can because i’m proud of it

(ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

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victorsandvanquishers · 6 months

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This Ship Will Carry Our Bodies Safe to Shore - Chapter 10

Fandom: Hikaru no Go

Ships: eventual Hikaru/Sai, Waya/OC, Touya/OC

Rating: T+

Warnings: Oddly uplifting, considering the last nine chapters; mentions of suicide, depression, le catharsis

Summary: At thirty-four, Hikaru Shindo lives a good life, despite living with the memories of a haunting he can never speak up about. Across the country, Fujiwara no Sai does much of the same, except his ghosts are memories of a world long gone, and a time period that now only exists in history books and fantasy manga. Perhaps that's why they're destined to meet again - because both refuse to forget what's now in the past. Alternatively, Hikaru finds a living, breathing Sai who remembers nothing about haunting him or Shuusaku over his thousand-year existence as a ghost, but everything about his eighteen years on Earth, and the world and life he left behind when he committed suicide. [Post-canon, real time]

Chapter Summary: Friendship was the foundation of love.

Now that the story's reaching its midpoint, we're fullsteam ahead with their budding love story. Don't worry, it's still be many, many chapters before they get to the lovey dovey part. They've gotta be friends again! Thank you to everyone reading this book. Enjoy the shenanigans, and I'll see you in December! Don't forget to leave a review for yours truly. I'm a narcissist!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

#hikaru no go #hikasai #hikaru shindo #fujiwara no sai #hng #hikago #avafanfics

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actualalienfauna · 2 months

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I kicked seasonal depression's ass. (ﾉ⊙ヮ⊙)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

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cookiewoli · 8 months

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Okay this is a scream out post, idc who wants to read it or not but I need to unwind.

Every weekends, my fiance and I receive friends at home and play some boardgames all the day. We were playing a game (Dice throne) and I got a card "SchizoOni" and one of the guy here laughed and said

Guy : haha, so that Oni is sometimes kind, sometimes mean

Me : No.

Guy : But that's schizophrenia right ?

Me : No. That's not schizophrenia.

Guy : Okay so this is bipolar ?

Me : No either

Guy : So multiple personalities ?

Me : No. If you play nice but act mean you are just a fucking asshole. Mental illness has nothing to do with.

*Silence in the room*

There are two things that piss me off. First, why some game have cards with "schizo" wrote on it ? Why making cards with schizophrenic character on it ? And why most of them are evil or draw like a psychopath ? Go ahead, then let's make some character cards like "suicidal friend" "PTSD soldier " "bipolar girlfriend" "depressed mom". Obviously these type of cards would be unacceptable. But why it's not the same when it's about schizophrenia ? In aaaaall the different boardgame we have at home, I "banished " almost 10 cards with the term "schizo" wrote on it without any context because it's a fucking trigger warning.

Secondly, people are using the term schizophrenia as an insult and without knowing what it is !! All the clichés are "schizophrenic people are dangerous" "they have multiple personalities" "they're crazy" "they're killing people" and omg all of this are WRONG !

People are always confusing schizophrenia with DID. DID is the dissociative identify disorder. And that's NOT THE SAME THING as schizophrenia. In the DSM-V, DID is into the dissociative disorder family, and schizophrenia is into psychotic disorder. People that are saying "but that's the same thing." No, that's not. It's like saying asthma and lung cancer are the same thing.

Schizophrenia is one of the most misunderstood and terrifying illnesses and no one wants to understand what it's really is. There are under 1% of people diagnosed with schizophrenia. And inside this 1%, there are under 4% of people that are dangerous toward others. Most of people with schizophrenia are dangerous toward THEMSELVES. That's why the Sui**dal rates is very high. Media looooves to show schizophrenic people as dangerous murderer and it's so bullshit. That's one of the reason why people diagnosed with this illness are scared to tell it to others. When I was to a psychiatrist school, some people diagnosed with schizophrenia were lying to their friends "oh, I'm here because I have depression" because they're scared to tell the truth and be seen as monsters. Because that's how people see us.

So let's clarify together what schizophrenia is ! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

- it's NOT a multiple personalities disorder

- they are NOT dangerous toward others. Well, it can happens of course. But it's rare.

- It's NOT two opposing traits switching. Like "Kind - mean" (for example, doctor Jekyll and Mr Hyde) or "Happy - sad"

- there are not a "face of schizophrenic person"

(I heard so much people saying to me 'ooooh, but you're so cute. You don't look schizophrenic.")

So. Schizophrenia is a psychotic mental illness. You can resume it by a loss of sense of reality.

It includes hallucinations, delusions and a lot of other things, but I will try to be as simple as possible.

Hallucinations can affects all the senses : touch, sight, hearing, smell and taste. The most knows are hearing voices, or see things that doesn't exist, HOWEVER, see whole people moving, talking to you is a big cliché into the movies. Actually, visual hallucinations can be less impressive. Yes, indeed, some people can have horrible hallucinations (I was concerned when I was 13), but some see things more.... Simple. I knew a girl who was seeing dragonfly and birds. But I knew another guy who was seeing aliens walking into the corridor.

Delusions are more difficult to explain. It's just thinking something that are not real, but it's more complex. You loose your sense of perception of reality. Your sense of reasoning. You loose the meaning of "reality" and that's something very difficult to understand to people when they're see someone close to them locked into their delusions. When you're thinking something stupid, unreal, like "people can read into my mind" your sense of reasoning come and tell you "lmaaaooo, it doesn't exist. People can't read into your mind. That's science-fiction"

Well, when you have schizophrenia, your sense of reasoning has gone for holidays and your like "omg. People can read into my thoughts. What should I do ?? Be careful of what I'm thinking?? Stop see people ?? Tell them to stop reading into my mind ? Stay in my room for months and see nobody until they'll stop ?"

It seems really stupid, but the worse part of delusions is that you're trapped into it and you don't know you're trapped.

Anyway. The same guy I talked about in the beginning said to my fiance "Are you sure she have schizophrenia ? She doesn't seems to. Maybe she's faking, or maybe she just have a lot of imagination. Or she wants attention."

And omg I wanted to fuck myself up so I leave.

YeS iT's jUsT mY iMaGinaTiOn but I get diagnosed of schizoaffective disorder by 4 different psychiatrist. I have to take 7 pills (1725 mg in the beginning . Now 975mg) everyday for the rest of my life, which worsened my hypotension so often I'm fainting randomly when I stand up. I have to see psychiatrist, psychologist, nurse and therapist for the rest of my life too (more of that I'm diagnosed of CPTSD) I can't fucking bear to see my full body recover of scars that have more of 10 year and will stay here forever. I dropped school at 15. Get to mental hospital at 16. 10 times in 2 years and in 4 different places. Then I get accepted to a special school for teenagers with mental illness. But thanks to it, I succeed to finish my studies with good grades.

"Faking my symptoms" ? Oh, yes, of course. Of course. I'm faking hearing voices telling me "hey, see these stairs ? Why don't you jump into it and k*LL yourself ? Nobody loves you" "hey, this person, here. He will try to rape you." "Worthless, useless, unloved, unwanted" I'm faking hitting my head against the wall to make those noises stop.

Yeah, I'm faking feeling bugs crawling into my skin. Yeah, I'm faking tearing up my flesh because I think that the bugs are hide under my skin. And cuz scratching my skin until bleeding will make them leaves. Of course. Of course.

So I CAN'T STAND being told I'm faking my schizoaffective disorder for attention. Even if I'm okay with it, to talk about it, CPTSD was diagnosed recently and hits hard. Mainly from September to January. It's hurt my whole life and sometimes my mental health just break. But my fiance is here with me and I'm so glad to have it.

Okay I'm done complaining ! I don't think people stayed until the end, but if it's the case, just thank you to read all my boring speech. I'm tired, so tired, angry, sad. My psychologist is on holiday, I see my psychiatrist one per month, and my fiance is working so I'm alone at home. I just needed to express my frustration. Because I have big difficulty to talk about my emotions verbally. Even to my fiance. So I'm writing to him on discord even when he's next to me, because my only way to talk about my suffering is by writing. So let's take some med and go to sleep. Hope tomorrow will be a better day.

Artist ↑ : avogado6

#f*ck mental health #mental health breakdown lmao #schizophrenia #schizoaffective #just want to complain #sorry #CPTSD hits hard these days so I need to talk

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datamodel-of-disaster · 6 months

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Guess what? It’s Wednesday, and I’m back, baby!

Or at least, Five Stages of Rectification is back, with a fresh update! It’s a straight road to the finish line now -the fic is sitting finished in my docs and I’m set for another couple weeks of posting, until -believe it or not- completion. (Or dare I say… Acceptance?)

This chapter is about forgiveness. It’s also, a depression chapter.

The thesis of this fic has always been that there are things that can’t be fixed, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. And there has been a whole lot of trying to fix -but sometimes, there is also facing things that are irreparably broken.

So… This chapter is about forgiveness.

Clu finds he has forgiven his User -the way a wound heals when you stop cutting it open anew. Tron does not forgive himself -so why should he forgive anyone else? Flynn does not think he deserves forgiveness -but being denied it still hurts. Sam wants to forgive. But can you forgive a hurt you won’t even acknowledge? Quorra does not want to forgive. (Perhaps, more than anything, she is afraid that she might.)

In short: this is DEPRESSION (ACCEPTANCE).

Enjoy the ride! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

#disaster writes #tron legacy #tron #tronblr #tron fanfic #five stages of rectification #5 stages vibes

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beesfairlyland · 4 months

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Heyy! I just wanna ask you something related to non dualism cus I'm really getting curious ≧﹏≦ 🤍🤍

⚠️tw: mention of suicide, depression and swearing

I've had this thing going on in my head that I wanna share with you. I have a friend of mine that's depressed, and suicidal (yeah actually even I'm tryna help her state of mental health) she always try to make sad or depressing jokes, but 2 days ago she said something that's stuck in my head for a while. She said ‘‘people who get to die are such damn lucky b*stards’’ actually this seems like some sort of thing that our society terms suicide as ‘passing on the pain to the others’ But for me, as someone who's into non dualism finds it interesting.

Like people who die, means they leave the physical realm, are lucky? Like is death inevitable for us pure awarenesses? I think not cus you entirely leave your physical realm once you die. Actually ik there's no start or an end for all of us. Suppose we plan on a reincarnation or something in this reality, and we leave our physical realm (which is an illusion ofc) we can definitely wake up wherever we want to right? So suicidal people intend and plan to reincarnate in a better place? I mean just help me out lol, there's a lot of questions going on in my head.

Sorry for the long ass story lol, if you're not comfortable to answer this it's totally fine! Or if you know, just link some articles or something if you find :)

Have a nice day ☆(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*🤍🤍

Heyaa!!💗

I am soo sorry that your friend is going through this phase....tell her that it's not forever and it's gonna be alright!!

Hmm...your question is quite interesting. Let's jump into that!

(whatever i say it's just my opinion... don't take them as fact)

"like ppl who die, means they leave physical realm are lucky"

Yeah they are kinda lucky as they get rid of the illusionary pain of this illusionary world and then what? They reincarnate again into another seemingly appearing human and go thru the cycle of illusionary life again, die again, born again....and this goes on until they decide to find the actual reason of their illusionary birth.

And that my love, is finding our True selves. The reason we were put on this planet, this game called life was too find who we are. But funny enough, we took this game soo seriously that we forgot the actual purpose of the game. This treasure hunt game was made for THAT to have some fun.

And once you find yourSELF..... that's when you are "lucky". After that you take the game as a game. You enjoy it. You cherish the beautiful moments this character experience. And you become Free from pain.

"like is death inevitable for us pure awareness"

THAT was never born, so THAT can never die.

Infact imo death is inevitable as long as you want it to be. As THAT you decide what you want. You wanna live forever...ofc go ahead!!

"so suicidal people intend and plan to reincarnate in a better place"

Noo!! They just hope that they'll be reincarnated in some less miserable human. But all they do is just make themselves enter in the cycle of illusionary life again.

DO NOT EVER THINK SUICIDE IS THE SOLUTION FOR REALISING SELF..... IT'S JUST GONNA "RESTART" THE "JOURNEY" OF REALISING SELF AGAIN

Once you Realise SELF completely that's when you get to choose which experience you wanna have in next soo called rebirth (if you choose to reborn). Ofc all illusionary.

Hope i made you understand a bit!

And it's totally okayy....you can ask me whatever you want to!!

Hope you have a nice day too!!💗

#non dualism #nonduality #ask #conciousness #awareness

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pensocks · 19 days

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( last redo i swear 😭 )

Hihihi, thanks for stopping by! ♡ Pronouns Page | Linktree [WIP] | Carrd [WIP] | Art Status

more info under the cut! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

● I go by an assortment of names, take your pick! I mainly use Crow (default), Uzi, and Pen — but I also go by Ollie, Lu, and Tess!

○ I mainly use she/her, xey/xem, and paw/paws, but I also love bat/bats and it/its! No they/them please!

● Scandinavian-American self-taught and freelance artist, animator, and writer. I fluently speak English and am learning both Spanish and Norwegian. ENFP with ADHD, RLS, and anxiety and depression mayhaps. I'm 14

○ Fictkin! Uzi Doorman kintype, Tessa Elliott synpath, Squirrelflight/paw (specifically in TNP) synpath, and Ragatha copinglink. I shift into Uzi most commonly

● I am omniromantic, demisexual, pupgender, and girlflux! Semifictoromantic as well </3

○ Furry and therian! My theriotype is Golden Retriever but my fursona is a Spanierd :3 (I shrieked when N talked about Golden Retrievers in Home I kid you not)

● Multifandom, but currently hyperfixated on Murder Drones so expect nothing but that for months. Also a BIG multishipper (44 ships in MD alone, 39 excluding joke ships ;w;)

○ #1 Tessa defender, CEO of SquirrelDaisy, and the living proof that Juzi is canon!!

● @mischiefburns my darling husband <333 /qp ; @azandranec and @cuntingblonde my shitty ass wives /aff /p; b,g,n,m,b,b,e >>>>>> others <3 /p

○ My alts are @uzi-irl (more personal stuff) , @therealjkisser (yapping & reblogging shit) , @inklessbarefoot (wips)

● warrior cats blog is @olikae , alt for THAT for redesigns is @olikae-designs

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⭑ Message or ping me with Uzi, J, and N content!! ⬩ Mutuals can ask for my Discord!! \(・∀・)/ ⭑ I love chatting! Don't be shy, I don't bite <3 (unless ur miko >:0 /silly) ⬩ I don't have a DNI list but you get the gist: proship, codegolders, all that nasty stuff. I do not hesitate to block. ⭑ Keep NSFW, shirtless dudes, and yandere TO YOURSELF! ⬩ Tonetags strongly encouraged when interacting with me! (Unless we're close, then I don't really need em unless I say otherwise)

---

#intro post #crow caws #please follow post for updates bc i change this a lot #!!!#edit 5/26/24 ; added links

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anonymouslymadebydesign · 1 year

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Welcome to my Blog ! I mostly post and reblog about Ghost (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Asks are : OPEN

I haven’t written in a long time but I’m gonna try to start to get back into it, so if you have any ideas or requests, please submit them! I’d love to hear what ideas you’ve got ! I AM rusty so they might not be the best, but regardless I hope you enjoy, and what a better way to get back into the habit, aye ? ᕦ (ò‿óˇ)ᕤ

What I will write : Self inserts! I love self inserts! Light gore is okay, like slight mentions (◡‿◡✿), platonic or romantic (so long as it stays SFW) , headcanons are delightful as well, angst is also okay but nothing too depressing

Fandoms I will write for include : Welcome Home, Ghost (the band), The Magnus Archives, Welcome To NightVale, and Good Omens

What I won’t write : Anything N$FW (because I'm not well versed in writing it, I would not be good at it) , despite the green light for N$FW due to my own personal preference I will not be writing any. Heavy gore, sexualization of anything ager, ddlg/any subgenre of it, hate speech, incest (even SLIGHTLY implied), and bullying !

Along with this, I am also an ager, albeit on the older side, little age being about 6-10. My big age is 24 ! Please, be kind and respectful ! Any hate will be blocked, no warnings ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ If you wish for completely SFW and ager related stuff please visit my side blog : @littlespace-sideblog !! Thank you !

#welcome to my blog #please be respectful #no hate #hate will be blocked #introduction #age regressor #agere post

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rasp-passion-tea · 9 months

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A small (big) update/catch-up post for anyone curious on where I've been and where I'll be:

*rides in on a skateboard with sunglasses and a mocktail in hand* yo

The past couple of years, I've been pretty M.I.A. I'd feel bad if I'd have any remaining folks who cared about me are left in the dark (as much as that anxious part of me will try to convince myself otherwise, I did build genuine connections on here 🥰). There also just might happen to be old inactive friends of mine who might randomly wonder where that random raspberry girl on tumblr ended up only to come back to see that she might've disappeared,,, or been sold on the dark web 🧐. There could also be any eventual new people to our small community to wonder that. So y’know what 🤔 I'll keep a little post up top so people can know (also, it'd be nice to give a speech once more to my imaginary audience c:)

With that said, I'll ramble about sum up under the cut:

So, where ya been, Rasp?

Well, to start things off, I'm doing really good :D looking back, I might've given people the vibe I was majorly depressed and that might've woried some people 🥲 it was never anything major, but I was still dealing with some teenage girl stuff, and this blog and ship and the fanbase I joined because of it became my mini safe spot. Simply put, I didn't have any sources to be able to properly word that to. I have that now and feel much more grounded and capable, and that's all I could've wanted years ago :)

You might've already guessed, but I've been busy lately, with adult stuff specifically. Yup, the fandoms resident little sister is grown now. She's working!! And she's in college!!! Wow!!1! I HAVE BASICALLY NO MORE FREE TIME!!!!!!!11! :DDD That, and a bunch of other reasons have made it harder to focus on one thing at a time, which is why I've been pretty scarce on this app, and online on general.

Soooo how ya been then, Rasp?

Uhhh... good question. Fine, I suppose 😗 kinda just existing right now. I have a feeling a lot of that has to do with me being unmediacted at the moment, so I haven't been able to do a lot of the things I love the past few years. Sooo... if you're wondering why I never posted those fics I teased in the past, that's why 🥲 I have a feeling I will one day, though. Just a matter of time. Speaking of, let's go into my last point:

Does that mean you're abandoning this account, Rasp?? ☹️

Mmm not quite. I've been popping in every couple of months, and I might keep doing that. But I definitely won't be as active as I used to. Couple reasons:

I mentioned a lot of reasons why, but I've been. Very busy 🥲 being online hasn't been at the forefront of my mind lately, so I've decided to not stress about it right now. Like I mentioned before, I'd like to come back to all this one day, but that's not now. Speaking of:

As much as I feel bad saying this, once the show ended, the ship and its fandom got really quiet. For me that makes it harder to participate in things if there's not a large community. I've joined other fandoms cuz of that, but not like this one... this fandom was special...... *looks off into the distance*

Bonus reason that ties into the last one: a lot of my friends are inactive with me not having any way to reach out, and that makes meeee very sadddd 😔 So if anyone I've met happens to see this:

...heyyy 🤪 I hope you got something out of this post,,,, like I said before, I'm unmedicated and have been very scatterbrained recently, but I tried to make this as cohesive as possible 😭 guess to end this off I'll link some other socials:

My side blog: rasp-passion-two

(Also pretty inactive on there, but if you wanna see what I've been into lately, that's the spot (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ I'm pretty sure I never ended up sharing it fsr lol)

My discord: rasp-passion tea#5877

(I'm not active in servers anymore cuz I think I grew out of using discord, but if you wanna chat? Let's chat (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ we could also do it on here but vsiwjsisvqisgwu)

...that's it lol. I think I'm kind of an enigma on here now, but thats alright. Uhhhh not sure how to "close" this off, so I guess I'll just say: if you read this whole thing?

🤍🖤🩶

^me rn

I'll see you all when I see you, but I'll always be here!!

~Tayah, AKA Rasp (and yes, it's pronounced "Razz" 😤👋🏽)

#raspy rambles #like old times #if you saw me post this early #no you didn’t #to leave you all on agood note heres the latest stevinel headcanon ive written down:#steven: i feel like ive been given too much power and control in my life 😔#spinel: i feel like i havent been given enough control in my life 😕#...and then they kiss 🥰🥰🥰

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