#* NO NO THIS IS A SPOILER STANLEY ; stanley ic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

acheronist · 8 months

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actually can you say more things about the octopus in detroit I have never understood it ._.

come here nonnie... let me spin u a yarn.... IMAGINE: the year is 1952 and these are our boys. noteable skaters include terry sawchuk (perhaps the nhl's most bonkers ass off the shits goalie of all time) as well as one of the most famous scoring player combinations, The Production Line (gordie howe / sid abel / ted lindsay)

nhl playoffs were two best-of-seven games series to win the cup, so the red wings needed to win eight games to win the cup (spoiler: they do win) but to support the team, and to represent the eight games necessary to win, two fans (who were brothers & also business owners in eastern market-- detroit's largest outdoors farmer's and grocer's market--) brought a dead octopus into the arena and tossed it onto the ice of olympia arena (which has since been demolished. rip.) for good luck with the series.

and, somehow, either by magic or coincidence or sheer ferocious dedication to their sport, the red wings end up completely shutting out the montreal canadiens during the second 4 game series and winning the cup. (2 games were shutouts, and 2 games only allowed one goal, which in and of itself was record breaking stuff for the league at the time). and then they also won the stanley cup again in the next year as well.

SO SINCE then, the tradition has evolved and grown and the octopus has become an unofficial mascot for the team, while also acting as a good luck token, and also as a martyred sacrifice to invoke the hockey gods' will to change the fate of the red wings when things look dismal, or we need a wholehearted change.

in the late 1990s when the team was a fucking dynasty of unbeatable freaks, the head zamboni driver was in charge of going out onto the ice and collecting the octopi corpses, and in a hyping-up-the-crowd move, he invented the Octopus Twirl wherein he would pick it up and twirl it over his head in a circle, which is objectively very gross and kinda eehhh :-/ by todays standards, but was cool and very fun at the time. so the nhl had to shut it down because there would be little bits of octopi corpse debris scattered and schlopped around the ice and it was technically a danger for the skaters. anyways people loved this bit though and so the unofficial octopus mascot was thusly named Al, after the zamboni driver, and we had this fucking thang ⬇️ that descended down from the ceilings during playoffs just so nobody ever forgot THIS IS FUCKING HOCKEYTOWN BABEEEEYYYYYY

also notably, when the joe louis arena (the team's long term arena after the olympia had been demolished) was next on the chopping block after decades of being the latest winning roster's home away from home, 35 octopi were tossed onto the ice during the last game as a farewell but also a promise that better things would come for the team. since the JLA was demolished tho, the teams luck tanked a lot and we have not been even remotely good for quite a few years due to UM, A LOT OF THINGS, WHICH IS ANOTHER ESSAY I CAN WRITE FOR YOU, but finally the team is getting genuinely competitive and fun to watch again. but regardless of this flop era behavior, there have still definitely been octopi getting tossed onto the ice because well... we love the team despite it all and always want the best for them !

🥅🏒🐙

hope this helps mwah mwah mwah

#drw #me when im a little too autistic about my hockey team etc

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intheticklecloset · 6 months

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TickleTober 2023 Masterlist

1 - Moon: Lee Senku, Ler Gen (Dr. Stone)

2 - Blankets: Lee Miyano, Ler Sasaki (Sasaki and Miyano)

3 - Blood: Lee Vulcan, Ler Viktor (Fire Force)

4 - Scream: Lee Noya, Ler Asahi (Haikyuu)

5 - Witch's Brew: Lee Obi, Ler Shirayuki (Snow White With the Red Hair)

6 - Fog: Lee Todoroki, Ler Deku (MHA)

7 - Haunted: Lee Atsushi, Ler Dazai (BSD)

8 - Lantern: Lee Tamaki, Ler Iris (Fire Force)

9 - Magic: Lee Yuno, Ler Asta (Black Clover)

10 - Candy Apples: Lee Bakugou, Ler Todoroki (MHA)

11 - Nightmare: Lee Atsushi, Ler Akutagawa (BSD)

12 - Jack-o-lantern: Lee Deku, Ler Eri (MHA)

13 - Wild: Lee Magna, Ler Luck (Black Clover)

14 - Ghost: Lee Chuuya, Ler Dazai (BSD)

15 - Fang: Lee Kageyama, Ler Hinata (Haikyuu)

16 - Beware: Lee Shinra, Ler Tamaki (Fire Force)

17 - Shiver: Lee Yuri, Ler Otabek (Yuri on Ice)

18 - Wicked: Lee Dabi, Ler Hawks (MHA)

19 - Harvest: Lee Ukyo, Ler Chrome (Dr. Stone)

20 - Movie Night: Lee Levi, Ler Asmo (Obey Me)

21 - Thunderstorm: Lee Poe, Ler Ranpo (BSD)

22 - Flame: Lee Shinra, Ler Arthur (Fire Force)

23 - Baking: Lee Shinsou, Ler Deku (MHA)

24 - Dark: Lee Finral, Ler Noelle (Black Clover)

25 - Monster: Lee Deku, Ler Bakugou (MHA)

26 - Night Sky: Lee Akutagawa, Ler Gin (BSD)

27 - Leaves: Lee Sai, Ler Gen (Dr. Stone) **Manga Spoilers**

28 - Decorations/Costumes: Lee Mihashi, Ler Abe (Big Windup)

29 - Claws: Lee Xeno, Ler Stanley (Dr. Stone) **Manga Spoilers**

30 - Shadow: Lee Akutagawa, Ler Chuuya (BSD)

31 - Trick or Treat: Switches Zim and Dib (Invader Zim)

#fanfiction #tickle drabbles #coffee shots #compilation #tickletober 2023

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fivelakesinwriting · 2 years

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Scorched Earth {Eddie Munson}

Author's Notes: I've been writing for Stranger Things since it came out - mostly Steve or Hopper, but after seeing ST4 I wrote this! I think it's fun, could be a standalone, or could have more chapters! Please let me know what you think if you have a moment - messages, comments and feedback are appreciated! Thank you! xoxo

Warnings: Season 4 Spoilers! Swearing, Sexual references - sexual innuendos, references to drinking.

Requested? Nope!

*My work is not to be transferred, copied, translated or reposted to any other sites without my permission. And you do not have permission. Please see my masterlist for all other works and warnings. Thank you! xoxo

She was cool. Too cool for him. Which was probably why she ceased to give him the time of day. She was Cherry Cola, ice cold on a hot July day. The depths of the lake you know you can't reach, but try to any ways. So cold it takes your breath away. She was tennis skirts and roller blades, bright pink bubblegum, valedictorian for the year he should have graduated. But he doesn't like talking about that.

"If you stare any harder your eyes are gonna fall out of your head. " His friend, Dave, muttered as they stood against the wall of the roller rink.

"M'not staring." Eddie grumbled as he peeled at the label of the beer he had stolen from behind the bar when the bartender wasn't looking. It was one of the cheap ones, they wouldn't miss it.

"Maybe you should go talk to her, and she can reject you. Then you can move on with your life, like the rest of us. Girls like Vanessa Stanley should stay a high school crush."

Oh, but Vanessa Stanley was no regular high school crush. She was the crush. The girl he had kissed for the very first time in the woods as a curious9 year old boy, by those rocks that looked like a formation of skulls. She was the girl who, at 14, let him put his hands under her shirt to feel her bra. The first girl he ever touched under her skirt, the first girl he ever made cum, or that made him cum. Then they turned 16, and it was like they never new each other. All the times they had tossed their textbooks aside in favour for fooling around on the couch, simply forgotten.

Not for Eddie, though. He remembered it all, and he wanted it back. Vanessa Stanley was the only girl for him. And he wouldn't rest until he had her back in his bed, with his Hellfire Club t-shirt on while she bounced on his-

"Quit staring, freak." A voice snapped while a fistful of popcorn hit him in the face, pulling him from his trance.

Vanessa was flanked by her posse, Jenna and Bethany. The twins, who seemed to share one vicious, peroxide stained brain. If those two were around, you were hard-pressed to get near Vanessa.

Eddie pursed his lips, shook his head free of any remaining popcorn and watched the girls skate off with a menacing giggle. Vanessa tossing what looked like an apologetic look over her shoulder at him.

"Be right back." Eddie grumbled as he pushed himself off the wall and followed a safe distance behind the girls, waiting for Vanessa to go into the single person bathroom. He caught the door before it shut and closed it quickly behind him as he slid inside the stall.

"Stop following me, Eddie." Vanessa sighed as she pulled her hair back from her face, tying it up in that bright blue scrunchie he loved.

"Stop ignoring me. You won't return my calls." Eddie replied as he slowly began to drag his finger through the pained bricks of the bathroom wall.

"Because it was a lapse in judgement. It was a party, and things got out of hand." She breathed out as she reached for her lip-gloss in her pocket.

"Oh, lapse in judgement? Is that what we're calling you fucking you in my van last weekend? Or eating your pussy so good that you cried? Alright." Eddie smirked as he turned, leaning his back against the wall and stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"It's not happening again." Vanessa snapped, glaring at his reflection in the mirror.

"Whatever you say, princess. Just thought you might want these back." Eddie grumbled as he walked up behind her and held her panties out for her to take. They had been carelessly tossed aside in his van the weekend before in favour of his hands taking their place. He didn't mind giving them back, he had a few more pairs hanging around. She always said, "never again". Then ended up in his lap in the back of his van a week or two later, palming his dick through his Levi's.

"Fuck, Eddie." She blushed as she snatched underwear back and stuffed them in the pocket of her shorts.

That's what he thought.

**I have stopped doing a tag list for the time being.Please let me know what you think if you have a moment! Thank you so much xoxo

Requests for Dylan O'Brien and Andrew Garfield are open. Requests for OBX are closed.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x oc #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson series #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fanfic

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lulidragon · 3 years

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Sorry for bad water colors >xV

Simon Petrikov and Marceline

Mr Meesseks

Joker/Arthur Fleck

Eclipsa Butterfly

Pink Pearl/Volley bol and Spinel

Stanley Uris

#give me 6 characters #meme #traditional fanart #adventure time #rick and morty #joaquin pheonix joker #star vs the force of evil spoilers #steven universe #it #stanley uris #arthur fleck #eclipsa butterfly #pink pearl #spinel steven universe #mr meeseeks #simon petrikov #ice king #marceline abadeer

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i-watch-too-many-movies · 3 years

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5 Favorite First Watches of June 2021

First, a quick note. I’m sorry for the sudden disappearance. I decided that Tumblr wasn’t very good for my mental health, and that this was gonna be the beginning of an indefinite hiatus. I don’t know when I’ll be back, maybe every once in a while, but I decided that it’s time to just leave for a bit. However, I wanted to share with y’all 5 awesome movies I saw for the first time this month.

(CW: Abuse, mild spoilers for Miseducation of Cameron Post)

Funeral Parade of Roses (1969) (dir. Toshio Matsumoto)

Okay, to be honest, I admittedly got a little lost, but I had a great time watching this. Its mixture of avant-garde and documentary filmmaking, all while being a secret adaptation of Oedipus is absolutely incredible. So many images just stood out to me, such as the blood running down Eddie’s eyes, the riots being slowed down, sped up, and having static added to them, and the pure sensuality of Eddie and the club owner making love in the beginning (before we know the truth). Yes, technically there’s no evidence of Stanley Kubrick being inspired by this film when it came to making A Clockwork Orange, but the similarities are there, the gang fights in the streets, the girls licking the ice cream, the usage of wide angles, and of course, the sped-up footage set to classical music. It doesn’t make me think less of A Clockwork Orange, but think more of Kubrick for extending his influences. Can’t wait to re-watch and re-absorb its beauty and its surreal nature.

The Miseducation of Cameron Post (2018) (dir. Desiree Akhavan)

The two characters I felt worst for were Mark and Rick. Rick is a gay man raised in the church who is trying to be accepted amongst said church. He has no real answers for his sexuality, because sexuality is a complicated manner. It can’t be explained by “My parents didn’t love me enough” because that’s not the truth. It just has to deal with “You like this gender because you do”. And the last scene we see him in is with Cameron, Jane, and Adam Red Eagle, three people that are comfortable with their sexuality. That scene where he breaks down crying in front of Cameron is where he realizes that maybe everything he has been preaching has been full of shit.

Mark is a kid who nearly killed himself because no matter what he did, he could not please his family. So what does he do? He flips a Bible verse on its head. He relates it to his own struggles, deciding that his so-called weakness was his strength, that he doesn’t need to be saved, that he should find acceptance for who he is, and yet Bethany, the lead Reverend, still believes with all her heart that these kids need to be saved from whatever, showing the hypocrisies in the religion she practices and the book she follows. Rick has no one to go to for his own struggles. He never had the person to tell him that it was okay, and he thought the only way was to tell these kids that they need to change themselves for having different preferences in sexuality than others.

There’s also Adam, my favorite character in the film. They are a two-spirit, described by them as two spirits in their body fighting, and right now, the female spirit is beating the male spirit. They were sent to the camp after their father converted to Christianity and is running for some sort of office, making him look bad with their gender identity. And because two-spirit was a newly defined concept, it makes it all the more tragic that Adam’s father won’t even listen to them.

One of the saddest scenes of the film is when Bethany shaves Adam’s head. Adam is Indigenous, from the Lakota tribe, and their hair keeps getting in their eyes, much to the chagrin of Bethany. Hair is often seen as sacred in different cultures, and even in general, one of the most personal body parts on anyone, so to shave it all off by a white woman to an Indigenous person shows that racism and homophobia walk hand in hand. Powerful white people want to see any sort of expression done by non-white people whether it be through art or through their body gone.

Mysterious Skin (2004) (dir. Gregg Araki)

It’s hard to put into words how this film moved me so deeply. Eventually, I will. I will go through my scattered notes and paragraphs that go off on too many tangents about its brutality and its tenderness, and eventually turn it into a full piece about how it challenged me and my preconceptions of art as well as events in my own past. Those close-ups can either be so horrifying or so achingly sad. It’s not an easy watch, and certainly not for the faint of heart, so be wary and cautious once you do watch it, but just know it handles its themes of abuse and its effects on young men as they get older with such empathy, and honesty. Brady Corbet and Joseph Gordon-Levitt give performances as good as River Phoenix in My Own Private Idaho, and that’s the best compliment I can give any film or performance. Amazing film.

Pariah (2011) (dir. Dee Rees)

What does it mean to pray for someone? Is it to hope that their soul sees heaven in an afterlife? Is it to hope that they do well on a challenging event coming up soon, similar to wishing someone luck? Or maybe it’s to hope that they lead the best life they can, that they are happy with themselves and the situation they end up in.

To a lot of fundamentalist Christian parents, it's the first option. To them, that’s the goal. To live an eternal life in a heavenly paradise, and the first step includes not forgiving any of their kids who may be queer at the moment, and hoping they abandon who they are to make them happy, to upend the slight possibility that there is a heaven.

Pariah is about a young woman who is abandoned by her parents, who hope she can abandon her sexual attraction to girls so that she can follow the church with them. They don’t care about her poetry or her fashion sense, they want her to look pretty, more traditionally like a girl, as well as getting a boyfriend. When Alike confirms to her parents that she is gay, her mother beats her, kicking her out of the house, but easily forgiving her cheating husband, because the men are the most protected in the religious patriarchy.

God doesn’t make mistakes is the quote that Alike throws back at her father, accepting herself for who she is, using her mother’s words to make her feel prouder of herself. And much like The Miseducation of Cameron Post, the authority figure makes it a point to do all but say that the religious organizations are hypocrites and we don’t know what we’re talking about, we just want control.

Pariah is a beautiful film, a sad reality about being closeted from the ones you love most, but how sometimes there is no answer other than to leave it all and to feel the fullest amount of pure freedom, and feeling of being alive.

Tongues Untied (1989) (dir. Marlon Riggs)

An absolutely powerful film. Riggs takes a look at his life as a gay Black man and how he is seen by other members of the Black community, as well as the white racists in his life. He looks at his past relationships with white men and how said white men in the gay community sexually fetishize Black men that are in chains, and draw racist caricatures of them, similar to the Jim Crow drawings, only now they seem Black men as sexual objects in that sense. And yet, the Black gay men can’t get into certain sex clubs because of their skin color. Several poems read, narrated, and performed are about the fear of AIDS, wanting to enjoy sex, but not knowing who has AIDS, or that the condom may break. It’s only made sadder knowing that Marlon would later die from AIDS. An important film, a celebration of the Black gay culture in New York.

Other watches and rewatches I really liked:

2 Fast 2 Furious (2003) (dir. John Singleton)

Better Luck Tomorrow (2003) (dir. Justin Lin)

The Celluloid Closet (1995) (dir. Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman)

Cruising (1980) (dir. William Friedkin)

The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006) (dir. Justin Lin)

Happy Together (1997) (dir. Wong Kar-wai)

The Night of the Hunter (1955) (dir. Charles Laughton) (rewatch)

Nowhere (1997) (dir. Gregg Araki)

Psycho (1960) (dir. Alfred Hitchcock) (rewatch)

School of Rock (2003) (dir. Richard Linklater) (rewatch)

#funeral parade of roses #the miseducation of cameron post #mysterious skin #pariah #tongues untied #desiree akhavan #gregg araki #dee rees #marlon riggs #lgbt cinema #queer films #these movies are (chef's kiss)

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maxenceandrebisset · 2 years

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HELPFUL GUIDE TO CZECH NHL PLAYERS || part one

DAVID PASTRŇÁK - Boston Bruins

"We were listening to 'Barbie Girl' before you guys asked me to do media. So I was kind of dancing with these glasses... and then you guys ruined it and I had to go answer the questions. I missed the 'Barbie Girl' song. Who knows what's going to be on when I come back?"

- After Jaromír Jágr (the GOAT), definitely the most famous and popular Czech player at the moment

- The holy trinity line of Boston Bruins = Marchand - Pastrňák - Bergeron

- PASTA 🍝

- One of the funniest, friendliest, most humble, and chill players in the league (personal experience of meeting and talking with him several times)

- A bits of both his front teeth are missing - it is like a triangle, literally. He had done it fixed several times, but he always got it chopped off again and the fixing hurts like a son of you-know-what so he just gave on trying to have a perfect smile (said that in a Czech interview).

- His father died of cancer when David was young and he grew up only with his mother and brother with a not exactly wealthy background backing him up unlike other players

- Played in Sweden as a junior -> met Nylander there -> besties for life

- Has a Swedish girlfriend Rebecca - this summer they had a son together named Viggo, but he, unfortunately, died a few days after birth...

JAKUB VRÁNA - Detroit Red Wings

- Played for the Capitals - even won the Stanley Cup with them - before he got traded to Detroit this season for Mantha (clear won for Detroit, what the hell was Washington even thinking... - yes, I am still sentimental about the Capitals Stanley Cup line-up getting absolutely destroyed)

- Was Oshie's boy (no, literally, they were even nominated for the best bromance of the league) and had this questionable biting pre-game ritual with Ovi - don't ask what that was...

- Spoiler alert - he doesn't like the trade, miss his Washington homies, fortunately have two Czech buddies in Detroit

- Has a three-year contract with Wings (starting in 2021)

- Jake the Snake 🐍

- Fast as f*ck boi

- His surname in Czech means crow - useless information, but a funny one (that's why he sometimes celebrates the goals by waving his arms like wings)

- Dates Czech model Barbora Uhrova - that girl is a scrumpdillyicious masterpiece

- Regularly hangs out with his Swedish fellas meaning a bunch of shirtless pics with a Swedish flag (the we-have-to-flex-our-muscles-but-make-it-look-natural-like-we-don't-even-know-they-are-taking-photo thing) - even Andre Burakovsky (yes, I am sentimental once again)

FILIP ZADINA - Detroit Red Wings

- Drafted 6th overall in 2018 - everyone expected him to be drafted earlier by Canadiens, but they picked Kotkaniemi instead

'I'm going to fill their nets with pucks' - was what he said as a response

- Future of Detroit alongside Hronek (going to talk about him in the next part, also Czech) and our already known boy Vrána

- sweet Halifax boi

- another sssssssniper

- seriously one of the most good-looking players in the league, I am going to fight you if you say otherwise

- doesn't have a blonde girlfriend (can you feel my thrill?) - her name is Michaela Hlouchová, once again a Czech girl

- homie with Chytil (Rangers), Nečas (Hurricanes), Kaut (Avalanche)... Boys are an iconic young line-up for the Czech ice hockey

- his father is an ice hockey coach in the Czech league (you can see where Filip has the looks from)

#czech #ice hockey #nhl #davidpastrnak #filipzadina #jakubvrana #washington capitals #detroit red wings #boston bruins #bruins #czech hockey #guide #pasta #jake the snake

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intheticklecloset · 2 years

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Fandom List & Character Restrictions

Last updated: Mar 9, 2024

~~~

*This list is subject to change.*

Bold = especially into at the moment

Italics = have finished the completed manga and will accept spoiler prompts for

Struck out = taking a break from or considering dropping

Accepted shippings = a shipping I'm 100% willing to write for and ship myself; does not mean I will automatically reject other shippings

📺 = have not caught up on the anime - please note where I'm at so you don't accidentally spoil something for me <3

🔌 = finished the anime but have not picked up the manga

📖 = reading the manga from where the anime leaves off

📚 = caught up on the ongoing manga

~~~

General Fandoms

Fandoms I take requests for.

Big Windup 🔌

Faves: Abe and Mihashi (NOT shipped)

Restrictions: Haruna, any shippings

Black Clover 📺 (finished S3, have not started S4)

Faves: Yuno, Asta, Noelle, Finral

Restrictions: YunAsta shipping; any villains (elves, humans, or otherwise), Captain Jack

Bungo Stray Dogs 📚

Faves: Atsushi, Akutagawa, Dazai

Restrictions: Fukuzawa, Yosano, Mori, Kajii, Nikolai, DazAku shipping

Accepted shippings: Shin Soukoku, Soukoku, RanPoe, HiguGin (this one's new but is so cute to me)

Dr. Stone

Faves: Senku, Gen, Chrome, Xeno, Stanley

Restrictions: None so far

Accepted shippings: SenGen, StanXeno

Fire Force 🔌

Faves: Shinra, Viktor, Arthur

Restrictions: Juggernaut, Hibana

My Hero Academia 📚

Faves: Deku, Bakugou, Todoroki, Shinsou

Restrictions: Some of Class 1-A (Minetta, Shoji, Koda, Sato, Tsuyu), Class 1-B, Kota, LOV (except DabiHawks), Pro Heroes (except All Might, depending on the request)

Accepted shippings: ShinDeku, TodoBaku

~~~

Nym's Fandoms

Fandoms I write for when the mood strikes but I don't take requests for.

Blue Lock 🔌

Haikyuu

Yuri on Ice

#fanfiction #tickle fics #writing #fandom list #character restrictions

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365days365movies · 3 years

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May 9, 2021: A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001) (Recap: Part One)

Welcome to the future.

At this point, we’ve mostly looked at the past, present, or the near-future (as in, the next ten years, if that). Additionally, we’ve looked either at nonexistent technology in a contemporary setting, or an extension of existing technology taken to a logical next step. But no more. No more realism, no more real-world rules, and nothing that we’re even close to in this reality.

Well...mostly.

That’s genuinely impressive, not gonna lie. Anyway, yeah, from here forwards (for a bit), we’ll be looking at the future and futuristic technology. Now, there are a couple of ways in which these films tend to go. The first big way that we tend to represent the future in film is the same way we always have: flying cars, futuristic technology, smart houses, and robots.

Now, there are countless examples of this future, and it always changes a bit depending on the present. Which, yeah, makes sense. After all, what I’m doing right now, at this moment, would’ve been seen by many people as a massive technological achievement, even around the time that I was born. Which, yes, I’m old, deal with it (because I can’t). Anyway, the way that this begins is with the first major filmed view of a seemingly idyllic future: Fritz Lang’s 1927 film Metropolis.

The overly mechanized (and politically dystopic) society seen in this film, as well as the visuals and technology, would inform our ideas of the future throughout the next century. Multiple themes and common objects reoccur throughout futuristic fiction. You know the stuff I’m talking about. Flying cars, automatic food machines, robotic assistants, video watches, holograms, jetpacks, so on and so forth.

But here’s the thing about the future. It’s always ahead of us, and eventually...well, we’ve gotten to most of those things to some degree. Either they already exist...

youtube

...or is currently being developed.

Well, one of them we’re still working on. And the development of more advanced AI is something we have yet to perfect, or even fully develop. However, the development of A.I. (and the consequences of that technology) are ALL OVER science fiction. Sometimes, they’re merely used for flavor to help establish the futuristic setting.

Sometimes, they’re characters with their own agency and conflicts, which may or may not define the plot. In these cases, they’re often simply there to back up the main human characters, and help with their development, and sometimes their own. You know, manic pixie dream robots.

And then, possibly most often, they’re the abject villains of the piece. they can be mysterious alien technology, like in The Day the Earth Stood Still, or a man-made danger that turns on the race that created and/or abused it.

But then, on occasion, an A.I. is given the chance to develop as a character, without being used to define the development of a human character. Sometimes, the question of what life truly means is raised through these characters, and we become attached to them outside of any other character. This isn’t nearly as common as the others, but it’s definitely not unheard of.

And for the record...things don’t often go well for those AIs. But still, some of those characters have quite a lasting impact. So, there’s quite a lot of potential for this type of character, from a dramatic standpoint. And that potential leads us to the guy who made this.

I WILL MAKE A JURASSIC PARK REFERENCE AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE

Steven Spielberg gives us today’s entry, and this director of a classic science fiction story about science gone awry teamed up with the director of a science fiction film where an artificial intelligence went awry. You know, this thing.

I didn’t forget about HAL. And I won’t forget about him later, either.

Director Stanley Kubrick is pretty well-know for his mind-bending films, especially The Shining and 2001: A Space Odyssey. But he also worked with Spielberg on this film before his death in 1999, as this was one of his dream projects for many years, and the two directors were well-known friends.

And so, eventually, Spielberg was given the reins from Kubrick, and results were...mixed. It’s funny, because I’ve never actually seen this movie, but I remember it through its surprisingly widespread ad campaign. I used to go to NYC as a kid a lot, and there was a massive building-side plastered with the iconic logo of this movie. So, I’ve been hovering around this movie for a long time. Enough navel-gazing!

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (Part One)

It is, unsurprisingly, the future. A marrator informs us that climate change has caused the ice caps to melt, and global flooding drowns several countries. You could say that it’s a...Waterworld.

I genuinely considered watching that movie at some point, and then I decided I liked myself to much to watch 2 hours of Kevin Costner’s emotionless acting. Granted, it’s not much better now, listening to the emotionless acting of...

Professor Allen Hobby (William Hurt) is a straight-up sociopath. OK, technically, he’s a robotics engineer, but dude’s making a speech, right? He talks about how far robots have come, dissing my boi Deep Blue in the process, and notes that pain-memory response can also be demonstrated by robots. He proves this by stabbing a woman in his audience, like RIGHT through the hand. Jesus, man! Why the hell would you do that?

Oh. Holy shit, I got fooled. Advanced technology indeed. But OK, so Sheila’s a robot, and a very advanced one...to us. But Hobby wants more, and proposes to his workers to make a robot that can really TRULY love. And through love may come a true subconscious, which means making a robot that can dream. And what better robot to make than a robot child? After all, all child conception requires a license in this futuristic world, so many childless couples are yearning for a child.

Which is why, twenty months later, the first robot child is offered to Henry and Monica Swinton (Sam Robards and Frances O’Connor), a couple...with a child. Um. Guys. You JUST SAID that there are legit childless couples who need a child, and those people would be best suited to love that robot child back (a VERY GOOD question raised by one of Hobby’s subordinates). So why give it to a couple whose son is still alive? Yeah, he’s got a rare disease that they don’t have a cure for yet, and is currently in cryostasis, BUT THEY HAVE A KID! Surely, that’s going to be a potential emotional conflict! And what if the kid wakes up or some shit? This is a TERRIBLE goddamn idea. Think this shit through, guys.

And yet...

This is David (Haley Joel Osment), Cybertronics’ first child robot, brought home by Henry to essentially replace their son. Which is AMAZINGLY FUCKING TONE-DEAF AND INSANE, GODDAMN. That’s extraordinarily messed up. And, for the record, I totally get what Spielberg’s going for, but Jesus Christ, man. This was a terrible way to go about this. And it gets fucking WORSE.

See, Henry (who actually works for Cybertronics) tells Monica that, once they sign the papers and complete the updates, David will imprint on them and see him as their true parents, loving them unconditionally. Which...yeah, fuck, that’s an entire DUMP TRUCK of ethics issues right there. And, while we’re at it, David is...creepy as shit. I mean it, dude, Haley Joel Osment is a VERY good child actor, but he’s laying on the creepy robot child thing THICK. And yeah, this is BEFORE he imprints on them. Jesus fuck, man, there’s a scene where the still uncomfortable Monica is outside of a glass door, and he looks back at her THROUGH THE DOOR like a goddamn SERIAL KILLER.

And I gotta tell ya, dude does not lay off that creepy-ass dial one iota. And for that matter, the music by John Williams ISN’T FUCKING HELPING. LISTEN to this shit, and imagine a robot child that you don’t know wandering around your house. It’s amazingly fucking creepy.

AND IT JUST. KEEPS. GETTING. WORSE. There’s a scene where they’re all at dinner, right, and David’s just staring at them as they eat, mimicking their actions. After all, he’s a robot, he can’t actually eat or drink anything because of his internal working. And then, out of FUCKING NOWHERE, he starts laughing like the FUCKING JOKER, and it scares the EVER-LOVING SHIT OUT OF ME. And somehow, they laugh alongside him, in the never-ending Stockholm syndrome that is this movie! And as soon as its over, he just STOPS laughing, spontaneously. Fuck me, man, I’m tempted to stop watching here and now, and I’m only TWENTY MINUTES IN! I need a fucking break.

And after that...OF COURSE she decides to activate his imprinting protocols to make him, let me remind you, LOVE HIM FOREVER! She reads out a series of words, and after “FREIGHT CAR”, he knows his mission is to kill the Prime Minister of Sokovia. But first, he’ll settle down and love Monica unconditionally (again, FOREVER), calling her Mommy and making me shit my pants in fear. IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS FUCKING DAVID

Oh, and by the way, isn’t it kinda shitty to do that without Henry being involved AT ALL? Like, cool, he has unconditional maternal love, but Henry wasn’t a part of that conditioning at all! And he still refers to him as “Henry” instead of Dad! However, Henry definitely doesn’t care about that, because he still sees David as only a robot. Hey, guys, maybe using these two as your first experiment with a robot child WAS A TERRIBLE FUCKING IDEA, YOU IDIOTS! No wonder William Hurt was cast as Thunderbolt Ross in the MCU. Already shown he can play a character with shitty ideas before.

Anyway, after this terrible series of events, David prevents the parents from leaving one night due to his childlike antics. When Monica goes to comfort him, he asks how long she’ll live, and tells her that he hope she never dies, a COMPLETELY NORMAL THING TO SAY. Look, I get that he’s a robot, but only a goddamn emotionless sociopath would program emotional responses like this into a robot. Which, given what we’ve seen of Hobby, makes sense.

In response, she gives him Teddy (Jack Angel), a technologically advanced teddy bear with sentience, a personality, and the voice of Astrotrain from The Transformers TV series. Because, yes, I am THAT MUCH of a goddamn nerd.

Soon after, the house gets a phone call, which David receives...literally. He takes the phone and allows it to speak through him. It turns out that, shock beyond shocks, THEIR SON IS CURED! Yeah, fuck. Maybe giving David to a family with a STILL LIVING SON is a fucking ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE IDEA, for about a thousand reasons.

And, fucking understandably, Martin Swinton (Jake Thomas) is a little upset to find out that he’s essentially been replaced by a robot kid. Although, to be fair, he’s also kind of a dick to David, holding his humanity over him and treating him as a toy that he attempts to manipulate and bully. My Lord, this is a massively stupid idea. And Martin immediately shows his dickishness by asking his mother to read Carlo Collodi’s The Adventures of Pinocchio to them. Which is meant to be a punishment for Pinocchio. However, of course, David loves it.

Still, however, there’s trouble in paradise for David, as he tries to compete with Martin for being a real boy, and eats spinach at dinner one evening. Despite Teddy’s mildly ominous warning to him (”YOU WILL BREAK”), he keeps eating until he basically has a stroke and breaks, forcing him to be repaired by some of Cybertronics’ technicians. Monica has a bit of a break down as a result, which Martin notices. This causes Martin to go pure supervillain, manipulating David to do creepy things in order to insert doubt into Monica about David. Jesus, Martin’s a creepy kid, too. No wonder Monica grew to be cool with David, her actual son is a FUCKING SOCIOPATHIC MONSTER! Are there ANY truly normal people in this world? IS THIS WHAT THE FUTURE IS?

Martin convinces David to cut a lock of Monica’s hair while she’s sleeping. And lemme tell ya, a little boy holding scissors over someone while they sleep is not exactly comforting. Henry agrees, and after stopping him, believes that they need to return him. Monica disagrees, knowing that they’ll destroy him if brought back. But David, ever the semi-sociopath himself, ignores any signs of humanity in David and dismisses Monica's feelings for him entirely. He also says this thing about “IF HE CAN BE PROGRAMMED TO LOVE, CAN NOT HE BE PROGRAMM-ED TO HATE?”, which...no. No, he cannot. He didn’t learn to love, he was programmed to. And, again, that’s ethically FUCKED, but taking that into account...no. HE WASN’T PROGRAMMED TO HATE, HENRY. Goddamn, buddy, use your head here.

It’s Martin’s birthday, and his friends at the pool party expose David to the fun world of anti-robot (or Mecha) racism, and test to see if he has Damage Avoidance Systems by threatening him with a knife. And he does. Buuut, when those systems kick in, he goes to the nearest point of safety to keep himself safe. That point is, unfortunately, Martin, whom he gets behind...and accidentally drags into the pool.

Thing is, because of Martin’s recent illness, he can’t exactly swim, meaning that David almost drowns him. When Henry and other partygoers go to save him, they abandon David in the pool completely. And now, David’s fucked. Because although this situation isn’t even a little bit his fault, he also just nearly killed Martin. And so, after seeing notes that he’s been writing to her, Monica offers to take for a “ride in the country”. Which definitely means something good. In reality, she’s planning on taking him back to Cybertronics. But once in the car, there’s a change in plans. And hear me out...it’s arguably far more horrifying.

She decides to abandon him in the woods completely, despite how hard it is for her to leave him. She’s sparing him from death, sure, but also throwing him into a world he doesn’t understand, and for reasons that he doesn’t understand. It’s genuinely terrible. And then...yeah, she leaves him forever, to an uncertain future.

End Act One.

I think this is a good place to stop. It’s early, and I need more coffee to handle this shit. See you in Part Two. Of Three. Yup. It’s a long one.

#a.i. artificial intelligence #ai artificial intelligence #steven spielberg #stanley kubrick #haley joel osment #jude law #frances o'connor #brendan gleeson #william hurt #science fiction may #sci-fi may #user365 #365 movie challenge #365 movies 365 days #365 Days 365 Movies #365 movies a year #movieedit #filmedit

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stella-monstrum · 3 years

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“Autopsy of Jane Doe”[ IFC MIDNIGHT, 2016] [Rated R]

(Review & My Parallel Film Theory)

(NSFW CONTENT AND POTENTIAL SPOILERS)

(Written by Stella, edited by Jacob J.)

No matter the genre, the independent film industry holds many hidden gems within it. Studio IFC has been in the game for close to twenty years now, but it wasn’t until 2010 that it unveiled its plans for their “Midnight” collection and genre.

“Many of our most successful VOD titles are those that might fall under the Midnight label – not just films that are straight up horror, erotic arthouse, or genre films, but also ones that shock audiences, push boundaries, and stir up controversy – so officially creating IFC Midnight was the logical next step,” President of IFC Entertainment Jonathan Sehring in a statement. (SOURCE: indiewire.com // HERE)

But the focus in this article will be solely on the horror genre, specifically the 2016 supernatural/horror/thriller standout The Autopsy of Jane Doe. My review, thoughts, and analysis will include some changes I would have made to change the story itself. Now, full disclaimer, my changes and reimagining will not affect my rating on the film overall, per se.

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[REVIEW]

One thing that was honestly a surprise (albeit a pleasant one) was how small the cast actually was. Whilst there are ten actors and actresses listed on the IMDb page, the film focuses on only five of them, eventually whittling the action down to three. My honest thought? “With such a small amount of people only being focused on, this will get boring quickly.” But boy, I was 100% wrong in that assumption. If ANYTHING, it only intensified every moment on, Add in dramatic references, film scoring, and film aesthetics? It was just icing on the creep cake.

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Let’s begin with the cast and breakdown of the story:

Brian Cox and Emile Hersch as father-son coroner duo Tommy and Austin Tilden

Ophelia Lovibond as Emma, Austin’s girlfriend

Olwen Kelly as Jane Doe

Michael McElhatton as Sheriff Burke (an albeit brief focus)

Left to right: Austin, Emma and Tommy (Screencap, Autopsy of Jane Doe, 2016)

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From the beginning of the film, you are immediately immersed within a brutal crime scene. It seems fairly straightforward in what appears to be a triple homicide. I was taken by (delighted) surprise that it kicked off at such a fast pace, so much so that I physically felt that I’d lost my footing (while sitting). But as the police and forensic team further search the home for evidence, they wind up finding a pristinely preserved and very nude corpse, one only partially covered in dirt down in the basement. This new revelation doesn’t fit what they’ve pinned down to be a homicide.

Enter a quieter and uneventful small town setting. Here we are introduced to Austin and Tommy Tilden, running a very small coroner business out of the basement of their home (blasting rock and roll from the radio whilst they do their job—a very cool touch.) Austin comes off as a young adult who doesn’t want to be stuck in this small town, let alone in this profession. He feels bad since father Tommy is otherwise alone and widowed.

The Tilden home/business (Screencap, Autopsy of Jane Doe, 2016)

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Austin’s girlfriend Emma comes in to pick him up after his shift for a date they had planned. (This part plays into my reimagining later.) Emma sneaks up to scare Austin, then begs and pleads with him to let her see a dead body and what they do for a living. Austin flat out refuses, but then his dad allows Emma to pick one to view. Tommy also explains that they keep bells around the ankles of some corpses (a practice with origins in an old wives’ tale: if the person isn’t dead, the bell will jingle). Austin gets back at Emma by ringing the bell on one of the bodies to scare her, and she threatens that he “won’t be getting laid.” (Emma comes off as a very strong type—and not in a flattering chemistry way)

Just as they’re about to leave for their date, Sheriff Burke comes in with an urgent request: they have 24hrs to perform the autopsy of the Jane Doe found in the opening scene. Austin decides that, with the urgency and his guilt, to stay behind and assist, asking Emma to come back later.

As they perform what they thought would be just another autopsy to find clues as to how or why Jane Doe met her end, things get very eerie and strange. These events elicit goosebumps: from a shift in music to a creepily upbeat version of the McGuire Sisters’ 1954 song “Let the Sunshine In,” to an awful storm coming in seemingly out of nowhere, knocking a tree into the cellar exit, trapping the Tildens inside. The family cat gets killed. The bodies in the morgue awaken. The power goes out. These usually run-of-the-mill supernatural tropes are 100 times more dramatic with the focus only on the two men.

While they examine Jane layer by layer, her fingerprints are nowhere to be found in their system, and her trauma and, injuries in total, do not seem to match up with the crime.

Peat soil from “up northeast” found under her fingernails

No outward visible signs of marking or bruising

Broken wrists and ankles

Ripped out tongue

Mutilated genitalia

Missing tooth (which was force fed to her in a cloth with a ritualistic sigil in it)

Flower with paralyzing properties (and not native to the area) in her stomach

Horribly burned lungs and internal organs covered in scar tissue.

A very much active brain

Roman numerals and symbols carved into her skin

Markings on the cloth alluding to Leviticus 20:27 (which condemns witches) and the year 1693 (a reference to the Salem Witch Trials)

Austin and Tommy do not come out of this unscathed—or alive, for that matter. While trying to escape in the elevator when being chased by one of the belled-up corpses, Tommy hacks away at it in the dark. But, once the power comes back on, it is revealed to be Emma. Tommy gets attacked by unseen forces (since he is the one primarily performing the exam). They finally reveal that Jane Doe was likely thought to be a witch during the Trials, but the people who performed the ritual were horribly wrong—and ended up turning her into the very thing they sought to destroy. Tommy pleads with the witch to take him as long as she leaves Austin alone, and all of her horrific injuries get transferred to the elder Tilden, leaving Austin to put his father out of misery. Austin, however, gets spooked by a hallucination (provided by Jane) of his dead father on the stairs leading up to the exit. He falls and snaps his neck.

The next day, Jane Doe is in pristine form on the exam table. The Sheriff cannot understand what could have happened since he’d known the Tilden’s for so long, and decides to send Jane off to the next county. The ending features Jane being transferred into the van, a creepily upbeat song playing once again.

All in all, if I were nitpicking, the only real complaint I’d have is that some of the suspenseful moments were drawn out a few seconds too long. On top of that, they shouldn’t have killed off the family cat, Stanley. That said, if you’re into supernatural thrillers or just looking for a film for date night, this would certainly be one to consider.

(7/10 stabs) 🔪 🔪 🔪 🔪 🔪 🔪 🔪

(Reimagining AHEAD)

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Now after watching the film, I got to thinking. This is my reimagining of sorts, and a theory that they could have used to cash in on a continuation:

Let us rewind a little bit. Remember Emma? Think back to this scene specifically:

youtube

(I do NOT own the rights to this clip, simply sharing for viewing to set the scene)

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In this parallel theory there are a few points of change that come to mind initially:

1. Tommy has a more stubborn personality, absolutely and flat out refusing to let Emma see the cadavers

As he (Tommy) shoos Emma out, that is when the Sheriff urgently brings in Jane Doe. Austin convinces his father to let Emma stick around. Tommy then has the attitude of, “If she wants to see a dead body we’ll let her see the entire process.”

Jane’s body gets taken into the Tilden’s business. (Screencap, Autopsy of Jane Doe, 2016)

Whilst the Tilden’s are performing the examination, Emma begins to get bored (before shit gets weird and they essentially awaken Jane’s warnings)

2. When things slowly proceed to get horrific, the further that they get into things, Emma touches the ritual cloth that was used to force-feed Jane her molar, then Austin scolds her for touching evidence.

Progressively after touching the ritual cloth, Emma begins to get very sick. This not only adds an anxiety-inducing level of conflict on top of having to deal with Jane Doe’s unfolding evil, but also provides a deeper layer to the film.

Austin and Tommy examine the ritual cloth. (Screencap, Autopsy of Jane Doe, 2016)

The more that they poke, prod, and try to fight Jane, the worse Emma’s condition gets. Austin has to drag her along whilst also trying to protect his father from the witch’s attacks.

3. You get to the point of looming dread when it becomes clear that Austin cannot save his father, and seemingly Emma as well. (Also fuck it that the cat stays alive and alerts Austin of danger, cause why not?)

After Tommy begs Austin to kill him once all of Jane’s injuries transfer to the elder Tilden (VIEW HERE); Emma’s eyes become clouded like Jane’s.

While Austin tries everything that he can to keep Emma comfortable, he tries to perform a ritual himself to destroy the evil brought in.

4. For Austin’s final attempt, he burns Jane in the incinerator.

Jane Doe is far from done causing harm and suffering. When she is burned, Emma takes her place. Seemingly, her magic makes the sheriff believe that Emma was the one that was brought in.

Tommy’s death is made look like a suicide.

Since the Tildens only had 24 hours to solve this case, the Sheriff understands that Austin couldn’t get the job done due to the loss of his father. But rules are rules, and he’s forced to transfer Jane Doe’s (now Emma’s) cadaver to the next county.

While she’s being taken out and Austin is being asked protocol police questions, the eerie song plays on the radio.

5. Austin knows that he has to hunt Emma’s cursed body into the next county. (And takes the cat with him, because the cat didn’t need to die.)

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Who would LOVE to see a sequel like this?!

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annecoulmanross · 4 years

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Thoughts on “Terror of the Arctic” (2005), aka, “I listened to the Doctor Who audio drama episodes about the lost Franklin Expedition so that you don’t have to!”

Alright terror-friends, this was not how I expected to spend my day, but I have now listened to all eight episodes of the 2005 Doctor Who Audio Drama series “Terror of the Arctic,” featuring all of the ~ familiar ~ icy ~ boys ~ meeting the infamous Doctor.

With arguably more horrifying sexist/racist content than the 2007 Simmons novel, this audio drama actually predicted a lot of the tropes that Simmons popularized, including ship-board conflicts that escalate to stabbings, the appearance of supernatural creatures from Inuit oral traditions, and even a squick-y romance between Crozier and a much younger Inuit woman.

To clarify, I do not recommend you listen to these episodes. They’re a hot mess, and a really jarring departure from the beauty of The Terror (2018).

HOWEVER I highly recommend you look below the cut for episode-by-episode notes about the first Franklin Expedition adaptation that has well and truly driven me up the wall. So, welcome to the world of “Terror of the Arctic” (2005), featuring:

Crozier, (pronounced "Crow-zee-eyy,”) a polite door-mat of a captain with an agonizing lack of snark and minimal personality beyond “the only white man who can magically fix racism.”

Fitzjames the “proper English officer” who has every prejudice you can imagine – and a couple more you can’t.

Le Vesconte, the irrepressible lad with an inexplicable American accent and extreme boy-scout-gone-crazy energy.

Sgt. Tozer, who has a bad habit of punching people in the face even though his superior officers haven’t yet told him he’s allowed to do so.

Also featuring: Cybernetic Tuunbaq aliens! Complete breakdown of shipboard protocol! Expected amounts of cannibalism! And more! (spoilers, obviously)

Episode 1

– We start with a mandatory brief appearance from the Doctor and his companion Christine. I don’t (initially) hate this iteration of the Doctor – he’s very paternalistic and old-fashioned, but at least the voice actor’s competent. Christine’s voice, tragically, is high-pitched beyond all reason and laced with a variety of odd dialectical features. Some quick research reveals she’s supposed to be a 15 year old from medieval England. She sounds neither like a teenager nor a medieval person. From the very beginning, her character seems very infantilized, and plays into a lot of the Born Sexy Yesterday tropes, even if she and the Doctor aren’t a thing.

– Next, we have Sir John Franklin giving the “we’ve been stuck in the ice for nine months, here’s what you missed” sum-up.

– Sir John’s voice is gravelly 👏 as 👏 fuck; also, I don’t think that the phrase “to sugar-coat it” was a common 1840s expression? Correct me if I’m wrong history folks.

– Crozier shows up to give his “we should start walking out now” speech, minus any passion or conviction whatsoever; he bends immediately to Franklin’s whims. Crozier’s voice is quite high-pitched, and Sir John pronounces his name “Crow-zee-eyy.” (Update: everyone pronounces it this way!!! Uhmmm!) Though I struggle to judge accents, Crozier’s Irish accent sounds... leprechaun-ish. It’s not Jared Harris by a long mile.

– Not gonna lie, I kind of love how much Fitzjames sounds like a posh bastard. He immediately gets into a one-sided shouting match with Crozier and has to be reprimanded by Franklin.

– Lieutenant Irving appears on the scene; I don’t know what Irving’s accent is, but it sure is something.

– All of the officers seem to currently be on the same ship for some reason but I don’t know why. We’ve met Sir John, Crozier, Fitzy, and Irving, and Gore’s been mentioned, as have doctors Peddie and Stanley. And they’re all in the same boat. Guess we’re just ignoring Terror for now?

– Franklin begins narrating as he writes in the log-book: “11th June, 1847.” Oh BOY guess what day it is!!

– RIP Franklin (surprise, surprise). We have no real idea yet how this has happened.

– Fitzjames, talking to Sir John’s mysterious corpse: “Captain, what could have done this to you?”

– Fitzjames: “We have a killer loose on this ship” (Fitz gets ALL the best lines, apparently. Do they make sense? No. Are they hilarious? Yes.)

– Irving is shockingly nonchalant when the Doctor and Christine appear from nowhere out on the ice. Why is Irving so chill when he thinks that these two people are the lone survivors of a DIFFERENT failed expedition?

– Fitz apparently has refused to let Crozier start the walk-out after Franklin died. (Um, that’s not how the chain of command works?)

– We learn that Beechey-boy Braine apparently died of sudden-onset-scurvy. What is sudden-onset-scurvy, you ask? We do not yet know.

– Irving, happily describing their recent course of action: “...Ignoring the advice of our ships’ ice masters...” Oh god Irving don’t sound so happy about that. Blanky’s going to take an ice-axe to your head. (Tragically, Blanky does not appear in this show.)

– Lieutenant Gore has ALSO died of sudden-onset-scurvy. RIP Graham Gore.

– Is the Doctor going to focus on the existence of sudden-onset-scurvy? No, we’re gonna hyperfixate on the high officers-to-crew death rate! And he’s going to infodump about officers’ privileges TO Irving, an officer, and muse about how odd it is that more officers than crew are dying when the officers get all the best food!

– Fitz, the “proper English officer” apparently has managed to get about half the men to refuse to follow the orders of their expedition commander, because he happens to be Irish. Babe, this is a really bad look!

– Irving, our good Christian Irving, just swore “By Jove” in a weirdly sexy voice.

– Tozer has Extreme Deep Voice.

– Irving: “There’s something odd about them I just don’t trust.” Why on earth wouldn’t you trust two strangers who wandered up to you on the ice and asked if you were “human,” John Irving? What’s “odd” about that?

– The Doctor only remembers that he does actually know the events of the Franklin expedition after he reads the entire Victory Point Note.

– Irving has suddenly decided to threaten to shoot the Doctor and his companion. Irving promptly gets attacked.

* jarring transition to triumphant Doctor Who music *

Episode 2

– The ~mysterious~ attack on Irving has left weird wounds on Irving’s neck. I’m calling it, Ice Vampires!

– We have an Edward Little appearance! His voice is so sweet and gentle! And then... “I’ll have Sergeant Tozer shoot you both where you stand!” Okay, maybe not... (Update: Little is, in fact, very awful to several people. As we will see, all of the lieutenants and marines swing between weirdly nonchalant dudes and trigger-happy maniacs.)

– Tozer just punched the Doctor’s lights out, unprompted.

– Crozier: “Good old John Peddie... he’s like a brother to me.” Well THAT’S not a friendship I expected.

– So Dr. Peddie has brought a young Inuit woman in to Crozier’s cabin to have a “lovely chat.” Awkward book!Crozier/Silna energies. The woman’s name is Liak. She speaks with a vaguely Spanish and/or Italian accent.

– Liak: “I have been with my tribe. They would not allow me to come back to see you.” / Crozier: “Why? It’s not because of Fitzjames is it?”

– (It’s not because of Fitzjames. It’s because of evil spirits, obviously.)

– The Doctor, once they get back to the ships, explaining to the higher officers what’s happened: “Mr. Tozer got all excited and could no longer restrain his Neanderthal-like impulse to start clubbing things.” Boy this by show is NOT for Tozer fans. (Note: Tozer is standing right there? In the room? When the Doctor says this?)

– The Doctor just dropped an f-bomb?????????? And not as an expression of shock, but a hard-core sexual use of the f-bomb. Literally, he said “you can let Tozer fuck me again” – did I mishear this????????????

– Irving’s dying words: “I was attacked by a large silver creature with claws!” Wait did Dan Simmons rip off a fan-made 2005 Doctor Who Audio Drama?

– RIP Irving, first confirmed victim of “Tuunbaq the First.”

– Fitzjames is SO racist, throwing around a lot of “savage” and “barbarian” words. Why are you letting this man walk all over you, Crozier?

– Crozier: the first person who has the correct reaction to two weirdos appearing on his boat (aka shock and surprise, rather than worrying nonchalance followed by unprompted extreme aggression.)

– Fitzjames literally laughed after being informed that Irving is dead. (Like Crozier’s bad Raft of the Medusa joke, but SO MUCH WORSE.)

– RIP Ice Master Reid, actual first confirmed kill of “Tuunbaq pre-Tuunbaq,” several weeks ago, apparently??

– Okay so Fitz here is obviously meant to be a horrible person, but I have to acknowledge that he’s making a few good points: (1) the Doctor has admitted that he has a “sailable” ship, and it’s pretty rude of him to not even explain why he’s unwilling to help these dying men, and (2) it’s been bothering me the whole episode that the Doctor hasn’t been calling officers by their titles, and frankly, I do think Fitz is within his rights to demand the Doctor call him “Captain Fitzjames” rather than “Mr. Fitzjames” on Fitz’s own ship. Like, it’s not that hard.

– The Doctor’s first example of “ways the Franklin crew could mess up the time stream” is the insane scenario: “what if one of them married the mother of Winston Churchill.”

– The “Tuunbaq: The Prequel” can talk!!!!!! “Hello meat!!!” it says, gleefully.

– Tozer is just the fucking most. He punched the Doctor AGAIN.

– Crozier just “Mr. Fitzjames”ed Fitz!! And Fitz backed down! Crozier finally grew a spine! Just in time to decide to commandeer the Doctor’s ship.

– The Doctor’s ship inevitably disappears before it can be commandeered. Because of course. (Things and people disappear and get transported to different places and later times all through these episodes for timey~wimey~reasons.)

Episode 3

– A conversation between the two named female characters (Liak and the Doctor’s companion Christine)! What will they talk about? ...Their dead fathers. Ah. Hmm.

– This show is not sophisticated enough to handle a “white man’s disease killed my father” subplot. And yet, Liak’s father died of TB he contracted from the white men. I’m *worried*

– To help Liak overcome the superstitious antagonism of her “tribe” after her father’s death, Crozier apparently gave a bunch of food to the Inuit, which is an... interesting take. (One Irishman’s grand gesture fixes racism!)

– Magical Inuit shaman powers are only inherited through the male line (The racism and sexism in this is palpable.)

– So “Tuunbag Episode I: Revenge of the the Tuunbaq” is actually a larger coalition of aliens, run by a being called “Matriarx.” Can we decide whether woman are powerless victims or power-hungry monsters, please? Both is just greedy.

– RIP Strong (another tragic case of the triple threat: sudden onset scurvy, lead poisoning, AND Tuunbaq attack)

– Wait WAIT the Tuunbaq gave Strong the lead poisoning AND the scurvy by biting his neck and sucking his blood, stealing nutrients and leaving lead in their place: Ice Vampires!! I called it!!!

– Groups of people Fitz has verbally degraded: the Irish, the Inuit, all women, and now “common folk.”

Episode 4

– Le Vesconte’s first lines! He sounds like a Boy Scout, by which I mean he sounds about 16, and has an American accent? Also, Fitz pronounces his name “Leh-vay-cont”

– An AB named “Seeley” is writing an account of the events that are happening, perhaps as this show’s version of Bridgens and/or Peglar? Also Fitz is REALLY opposed to Seeley writing this, because Fitz hates “common folk” that much, apparently?

– RIP Seeley, we hardly knew ye.

– Major episode events: the walk-out begins, leaving Terror and Erebus just as the boats slip into another dimension because of alien reasons (this didn’t age well, now that we have the shipwrecks). Also, there’s an Inuit woman who is in league with the cybernetic-alien-Tuunbaq-vampires.

Episode 5

– As soon as the walk-out begins, the cybernetic-alien-Tuunbaq-vampires begin attacking.

– Boy Scout Le Vesconte: “I have an idea! If bullets won’t stop them maybe an axe will!” I mean, this is stupid enough for our Dundy, but he follows it up with “Murderers! I’ll hack you to pieces!” and rushes them like a child and has to be rescued. (Also Crozier is way WAY more concerned for Le Vesconte than Fitz is, though Fitz leaps into the rescue effort and Crozier... does not do that. He’s doing a lot of standing on the sidelines and bemoaning his dying men.)

– Peddie is basically just Crozier’s all-purpose lieutenant at this point. Little and Hodgson whomst?

– Le Vesconte, Fitz, and Tozer get struck by lightning WHILE fighting the Tuunbaq, and some Frankenstein stuff seems to happen, because Fitz now has the munchies. But like, the ominous munchies.

– Le Vesconte’s in something like a coma. The dumb boy-scout.

– While explaining why the Netsilik have legends about these aliens as “evil spirits,” the Doctor implies that errors in the historical record happen “especially” in oral traditions. Can we stop insulting the Inuit oral historians please?

– The cybernetic-vampire-aliens can mind-control their victims sometimes. Calling it now: Fitzjames is under the mind-control already.

– Liak is revealed to possibly be in cahoots with the aliens, because she has a necklace that her sister gave her that’s actually an alien tracker.

– Fitzjames, upon learning that Liak may be in league with aliens, attempts to physically kill her with his bare hands, and has to be restrained.

– Crozier hears murmurs about mutiny, and assigns this poor Marine named Hopcraft to find out more about the mutiny and report back to him. Next morning: RIP Hopcraft, first victim of the “we’re knifing each other” stage of events (aka this show’s Irving.)

Episode 6

– Lieutenant Little, who got separated from Fitzjames and Crozier, tries to comfort ship’s boy Chambers, whose use of the term “panic attacks” is a little anachronistic; a small gripe in the grand scheme of things.

– The Tuunbaq-aliens attack Little’s camp and wipe them all out, leaving Little to the last. Edward Little, a British Christian naval officer in the 1840s, gasps out “I’ll see you in Hades” as his dying words. (Someone write me Little/Irving neo-pagan fanfic for this mess?)

– The Doctor is playing detective, trying to solve Hopcraft’s death. He finds footprints, and both Liak and Tozer are missing.

– The Doctor calls attention to Tozer’s “enormous feet.” Weird.

– We have our first cannibalism! Perpetrated by Tozer, and uhhhh oh great we’re eating Dr. MacDonald for dinner tonight.

– Le Vesconte woke up from his coma just in time to brain Tozer to death.

– The Doctor: “There were no women’s bones at any of the sites [of the lost expedition remains]” that’s a hilarious comment given that one study suggesting as many as four female skeletons.

– RIP Le Vesconte, from his wounds, offscreen!! Nooo!!

– Tozer (and Fitzjames, and a few others), because they all got struck by the lightning, now have Frankenstein’s cannibalism curse. They all hunger for human flesh.

– Fitzjames is now a sneaky murderer-cannibal who manages to gain Crozier’s trust before turning around and trying to butcher him. As least my evil boy is smart?

Episode 7

– The big bad reveal: it’s Liak’s secret evil sister! (Just like Season 4 of Sherlock!) She’s been helping the Tuunbaq-aliens the whole time because she hates white men! Because they gave her dad TB and one of them broke her heart! Thanks, it’s bad!

– The Tuunbaq-aliens eat Liak’s sister anyway because they do not care.

– Liak, Crozier, the Doctor, and Christine are left to defeat the Tuunbaq-aliens.

– Fitz feels a little bad about eating people I guess? Also Fitz is “weak” and can’t resist his hunger and all those fun tropes.

Episode 8

– Fitzjames gets a redemption arc via heroic self-sacrifice narrative, complete with death via horrid gurgling. “He sacrificed himself in a last act of humanity.”

– The Doctor agrees to give Crozier a lift to somewhere a bit further south, on the assumption that Crozier will settle down with Liak and live with some “tribe” of other Inuit people that neither of them have ever met.

– There’s a parting joke about Crozier enjoying drinking wine that did NOT age well.

And that’s all, folks! Hope you... enjoyed?

#the terror #the terror amc #terrorposting #not putting a dw tag here #because im being really mean about this #and if you're a fan of the dwad i'm sorry #not my jam but whatever makes you happy #franklin expedition fictions #just to be safe #cannibalism cw #murder cw #sexism cw #racism cw #fitzjames abuse cw #they butchered my boy

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stenbrozier · 4 years

Text

Ugly Floral Couch (Stanley Barber x Reader)

A/N: I am on my fifth time binging IANOWT, I love the show so much and I love Stanley Barber more then anything else in the world. I AM APART OF THE LGBT+ COMMUNITY!! I, IN NO WAY, AM TRYING TO HURT SOMEONE WITH A FEW OF THE WORDS IN THIS STORY!!! Also, another side note, I don’t know when this show is supposed to take place, so I’m just going to do some modern things as well. I hope no one minds :))

Plot: Stanley drives you home from school one day and invites you in, but you both don’t realize that his dad is home. {Takes place after the events of season one!!}

Warnings: SPOILERS (character backstory/persoanlities/WHAT HAPPENS IN THE LAST EPISODE), abuse, slurs (derogatory towards LGBT+) gets a lil steamy (making out + a bit of grabbing), weed smoking + swearing

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You stuffed your notebook into your backpack when the bell ring, running towards the door when you heard someone call your name. You turned away and saw Stanley Barber, your neighbor, running after you. You sighed, stopping and waiting for him. He had been one of your closest friends in elementary school, but ever since middle school, you had both drifted apart and didn’t speak as often as you once had; however, you would never purposely ignore the loud, nerdy boy with a mess of curly hair. Stan’s heart was so big, and you weren’t going to hate him for it like everyone else.

“M’lady, your chariot awaits,” he bowed when he got to your side. You rolled your eyes, walking a little ways down the hall to get to your locker. “How’ve you been? I never see you when we leave, and I know you always try to leave as soon as possible, but maybe you could start waiting for me?” You looked over at him from the side of your door and he had the brightest smile on his face.

“I’ll try, but I usually have to leave quick cause of work,” you replied quietly. “But I wouldn’t mind a ride in that beat up, piece of shit, yellow car.” He rolled his eyes, grabbing your hand once you shut your locker with a loud slam. “Plus, we need a good jam sesh.” Stan looked back at you and nodded.

“We haven’t had one in a while,” he said. “Maybe we can include a smoke sesh as well, darling.” You laughed at him, seeing his cheeks turn pink as he heard it. When you got to his car, you threw your backpack into the back and curled up in the passenger’s seat, tucking one of your legs under the other as you leaned towards the center console. “What time do you need to be at work?” Stan put three key in the ignition, turning it and you felt the car rumble underneath you.

“Lucky for you, I’m off today,” you said with a bright smile. His cheeks tinted pink again as he backed out of the parking spot, speeding down the street to your guys’ neighborhood. “Where’s the weed, Barber?” He nodded towards the center console and cleared his throat.

“It’s in the silver case, where it’s always been.” He stopped at the stop sign, watching as Sydney Novak ran down the street. He rolled down the window, screaming something out at her as you fiddled with the button to open the case. He sighed, rolling his eyes and continuing down the street. You looked at the steering wheel, seeing his knuckles turn white. You reached back into the center console, now with joint in hand, and grabbed the lighter that sat in there. You lit the joint, taking a puff before holding it in front of Stanley’s face. He winked at you, taking one for himself before sighing contendly.

“What’s up with her,” you asked quietly as he shrugged. “I mean, I know everyone is scared of her, especially after homecoming, but she doesn’t have to be a bitch.” He rolled his eyes, pulling the car to the side of the road and turning off the engine. You noticed you were in front of his house.

“No matter what I do for her, she finds someway to get pissed at me,” he said sadly. “I can’t believe I ever considered dating her.” You furrowed your eyebrows at him as you both got out of the car. You grabbed your backpack and followed him down his driveway.

“You know she’s a dyke, right,” you asked as he gave you a dirty look. “Okay, guess we’re still defending her.” You took another hit from the joint before Stanley took it and put it out in the front yard but not before he took one last hit.

“You don’t call people ‘dyke’, (Y/N), no matter how much they hurt you. That’s how Brad fucking died.” He pushed open his front door and let you go inside first. “Head down to my room, I’ll be there in a minute.” He closed the door, looking up and noticing his dad sitting on the couch upstairs. You stopped dead in your tracks, backing up a bit as he looked at you both.

“Hi, Mr. Barber,” you said softly, looking at Stanley, who tensed up. Stanley’s dad nodded at you, while Stanley lead you to his room but didn’t come down the steps with you. You sat down on his couch, noticing the embroidered flowers coming undone from years and years of wear. You sighed, tucking your legs into your chest and grabbing the book you had in your backpack. You could hear them fighting a little, not yelling per say, just bickering about something. You focused on your book, not wanting to hear them any longer. Suddenly, the door that lead into the basement slammed shut and Stanley bounded down the steps, sniffling. You looked up at him and gasped, noticing his left eye was puffy and starting to swell.

“What do you wanna listen to, darling,” he asked quietly, walking over to his collection of vinyls. You shrugged, going up behind him and leaning your head on his shoulder. He moved his arm up, letting you cuddle into his side. You knew that Stanley had liked to he comforted like this, with good physical attention. “How about some SWMRS?” You nodded against his shoulder, feeling his right arm reach for the vinyl. You detached yourself from him, going to sit down on the couch. You tucked your feet underneath you, feeling your shoe get caught on one of the undone flowers. You sighed, pulling your sneakers off, waiting for Stan to come sit next to you. When he did, you snuggled into his side, closing your eyes and feeling him sigh. After a few songs, you looked back up at his face, seeing his eye was starting to turn black and blue.

“Fuck, Stan,” you said, sitting up to get a better look at it. He shrugged, not wanting to draw too much attention to it. “Do you have any ice down here?” He nodded, pointing over the small mini fridge he has behind a table. You got up, hearing him whine softly from the loss of contact and grabbed a rag, filling it with a few pieces of ice before folding it up. You went up to him, instructing him to close his eye before you softly placed the rag on it. He looked at you with his open eye, noticing tears starting to well up in your eyes. He sighed, catching your attention.

“(Y/N) don’t cry,” Stanley said, taking your hand away from his eye. “It’s okay, I’ll be okay.” You sniffled, putting the ice down onto the couch next to him. “Come here.” He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you to him. You hugged him tight, crying softly into his shoulder. You sniffled again, trying to pull yourself together before you pushed away to look into his eyes.

“You don’t deserve to get treated like this,” you whispered softly, rubbing your thumb over the outskirts of the bruise. “You’re just so loving and...so lovable.” He shrugged, hugging your tighter.

“It happens to the best of us,” Stanley said. You shook your head. You looked back at his eye, going up close to look at the damage a bit better. You feel your heart facing in your chest and you notice him start to tense up, so you back away. You stood up, walking over to his vinyl collection silently, still feeling your heart race in your chest. You hear the creek of the couch as he stood up, and then feel his arms wrap around your shoulders. “Why’d you get up.” He whispered softly in your ear, sending chills down your body. You brushed your hand over your head, shrugging as you picked a vinyl off of the shelf to switch with SWMRS one: Bloodwitch. Stanley tucked his head into your neck, and when you felt him smile, you flinched a bit. You and Stan were both very touchy people, showing that you care through physical touch, but he had never done that before. You pried yourself away from him, clearing your throat before switching the records. Stanley sighed, following you. When the first chord of the song started to play, you started to dance around and Stanley gave in and joined you. You guys jumped around and screamed the lyrics, not caring what his dad was going to say anymore. After the first side of the album, Stanley flipped it over and just stared at you as you continued to dance.

“‘Fill my soul with light, my heart with fire,’” you sang as you spun in circles. You lost balance, and Stanley ran up behind you and caught you, turning you in his arms so your chest was pressed against his. You started laughing, burying your face into his chest as you felt his arms wrap around you protectively. You pulled away, still getting over your giggle fit as you looked him in the eyes. The single light above you both made them sparkle, drawing you in. You stood on your tiptoes and held his face in your hands, bringing it down to meet your lips. Suddenly, you realized you were kissing your childhood best friend and pushed yourself away. You stammered, profusely apologizing as you walked over to grab your things.

“Stanley, I’m so sorry,” you said, rubbing your hand over your face. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry if I stepped over any boundaries and, oh my god, I really hope I didn’t ruin anything between us because I’d still love to be your friend and” He cut you off by slamming his lips against yours again. He pulled away, running his hand down your back with a small smile in his face.

“I’ve been waiting for ten fucking years to kiss me,” he said quietly, rubbing circles into your lower back. “Don’t tell me you didn’t mean it.” He looked down at his feet, looking back up at you with sadness in his eyes but still trying to keep the smile there.

“Of course I meant it, I-I just didn’t wanna overstep,” you said softly back. “Y-you liked it?” Stanley nodded and leant back in. You closed your eyes, feeling his lips connect to yours. You wrapped your arms around his neck, fiddling with the small curls at the nape of his neck. He pulled your hips closer to his, muttering a groan at the feeling of you so close to him. Stanley started walking forwards, which made you stumble backwards and onto the couch. He pulled away, sitting down before pulling you down onto his lap and attaching your lips together again. You moaned against him, feeling him hike you up further on to his lap by your thighs. Stan’s hands moved up to your ass and he squeezed it, hard, causing a gasp to leave your mouth, and his tongue made its way into it. After a few minutes of this, you pulled away, gasping for breath. He moved his arms back to your waist and pulled you impossibly closer to him, sticking his head into your neck and leaving little kisses. You ran your fingers through his hair, leaving soft kisses in the curls.

“Does this mean you’re my girl,” Stanley said, pulling his head up to look into your eyes. You blushed, seeing him smile at the innocent reaction. “I would really, really, really love it if you were my girl.”

“And I would really, really, really love to be your girl,” you said back, climbing off of his lap and walking back over to the record player. You saw your favorite album, Three Imaginary Boys by The Cure, sitting on the shelf and you gasped. “I’ve been looking for this for ages! Where’d you find it?” He rolled his eyes, getting up to stand behind you with his hands loosley on your waist.

“I found it the thrift shop on Reed,” he said with a chuckle. “I was actually going to give it to you for your birthday, but I ended up keeping it because it reminded me of you and we hadn’t been talking so...” Stanley wrapped his arms around your waist. “But now that you’re my girl, you can listen to it whenever you want. So, no harm, no foul.” You laughed, turning around in his arms to kiss him quickly on the nose.

“Well whenever I’m here this is all we’ll be listening to.” He shrugged, a small smirk coming onto his face.

“At least it’s with you.”

#stanley barber imagines #stanley barber #stanley barber x reader #ianowt imagines #ianowt #wyatt oleff #masterlist

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