#*cough* Kylo Ren did nothing wrong *cough*

[xaniaz]

December 14th :)

#reylo #anti reylo bs #*cough* Kylo Ren did nothing wrong *cough* #Validation sweet sweet validation #Hindsight sweet sweet hindsight #Cookies sweet sweet cookies

[luminouspoes]

After Poe being tortured by Kylo Ren in TFA, he would have some kind of PTSD.... So I was thinking can you write about Poe having nightmares about that, and the reader comforting him? Just pure fluff

Warnings: some references to Poe’s torture/nightmares & PTSD 

It’s well past midnight when you shuffle into the shipyard, a sweater tucked around you and a toolkit hung around your hips. You couldn’t sleep, so you figure it would be a good time to get ahead on some of the repairs you needed to do tomorrow, which included some minor repairs on Poe’s newest ship.

He hadn’t crashed it or gotten it blown up yet, which you supposed was an improvement, the most damage his X-Wing sustained in his last mission was some blown fuses and carbon scoring. 

You’re surprised to already find a technician’s ladder rolled up against the hull of the ship when you arrive. You glance around, but find that the Resistance base is surprisingly quiet, save the sounds of wildlife emitting from Ajan Kloss’ jungles. You step up on the ladder and clamber up to the top, where you find Poe Dameron asleep in the cockpit.

His head is tilted back against the headrest like he fell asleep looking up at the stars - which he probably did - and while the sight is certainly endearing, he doesn’t seem to be sleeping well. His expression is screwed up and he’s fidgeting in his seat quite a bit. Worried, you rap your knuckles against the closed window to get his attention. It works - a little too well because Poe jolts upright abruptly and slams his head into the roof.

You wince apologetically as his eyes fall on you. His eyes soften around the corners, and he presses the switch to unlock the ship’s canopy as he runs a hand over his sore head. You push up on the canopy so you can rest your arms just on the edge, then you lean forward. “You’ve got to stop falling asleep out here, Dameron.”

“Well, at least I sleep,” Poe says defensively. “I’m not sure that you do, as many times as you keep finding me out here.”

“Insomnia is my best friend,” you retort wryly, stepping down the rungs when Poe goes to stand up. You hop down instead of taking the last couple of steps, then steady the ladder as Poe steps onto it. Instead of doing the civilized thing and walking down, Poe just grips the handlebars and slides down till his feet land on the soft grass beside you. 

“Which I’m sure has nothing to do with the amount of caf you inhale.”

You skirt around his crack about your caf addiction. “So what’s your excuse for sleeping in this thing and not - oh, I don’t know - your quarters?”

He doesn’t meet your gaze, instead, his dark brown eyes sweep back up to the canopy of stars above. “The stars calm me down.”

You sidle up closer to him, following his gaze. There are thousands of glittering stars, too many to take in all at once. You’re tempted to point out a few systems you think you recognize, but you remain quiet because looking up makes everything on the ground fall to the wayside, and you kind of want to embrace that.

“You’re still having nightmares?” You finally ask, sliding your gaze from the sky to the star standing beside you. There really is no other way to describe Poe, in your mind. He’s a bright light in the middle of all this darkness, with an irresistible gravitational pull that brings people together. 

“Yeah.” He admits, voice rough. His content expression slips to a pained one. “They were starting to go away, I don’t get why they’re so much worse recently.”

You step around in front of him, taking his face in your hands. “Trauma’s not a straight line, anything could have triggered them. A recent mission, the way someone phrased something, general anxiety -” you brush your thumb along his cheekbone where you can just barely make out the faint outline of a scar - “Which there’s plenty of, anymore.”

Poe hums in acknowledgment, catching your wrist and bringing your hands down. He doesn’t let go though, instead, he pinches the fabric of the sweater as he thinks. “Outta all the things I’ve seen, I can’t believe I let that brute get to me most of all.”

You shake your head. “Nope, we’re not doing that.” You press a kiss to his nose, which he scrunches his face up at, ticklish. “You didn’t let him do anything, that’s not how this works.”

“How does this work, then?” Poe asks, sounding both genuinely curious and frustrated.

“It works by you not blaming yourself for your trauma.” You reply with ease. “You’re already doing well.”

“How so, doc?”

You tip backward and make a sweeping gesture towards the sky. “You found something to calm yourself down, enough to sleep by.”

“Not very well,” Poe admits as he rubs the back of his neck. “I was having another nightmare when you showed up, and besides...falling asleep in an X-Wing isn’t the most reliable way to catch up on sleep.”

You look down sheepishly, trying to muster up the courage to say what you're thinking. “You could, um, stay with me. If you want.” There's a leaf just by the toe of your boot with a fascinating set of bright orange veins that pop against the dull yellow of the leaf, so you stare at it as your question is met with a beat of silence.

“In your quarters?”

“No, in the X-Wing.” You retort sardonically. You fix Poe with a well, duh expression. “Yes, my quarters. I don't sleep well at night anyway, so you could...lay down and if I notice anything bothering you, I can wake you up.”

You entirely expect him to decline, but instead, he asks, “You wouldn't mind?”

“You're my friend, of course, I wouldn't mind.” You reply, cheeks warming. “Besides the Resistance needs its favorite commander well-rested.” 

“Are you sure it's the Resistance's favorite commander and not yours?” Poe asks with a tiny smile, and you swat at his arm. He dodges easily, catching your hand again, but this time he tugs you forward. You stumble against him, one hand landing on his chest as he looks down at you with a soft expression. 

He wraps his arms around you and pulls you into a warm embrace, his chin resting on the crown of your head. Despite your hammering heart, you melt instantly against him. Few people gave hugs like Poe Dameron did.

“Thank you.” He murmurs faintly as he moves his head to press a kiss to your hairline. 

“Always.” You say when he draws back. You extend your hand to him, wiggling your fingers slightly. Poe chuckles, takes your hand, and you lead him back to your quarters. 

You don't pass anyone on the way there, which is fine by you and by Poe too, you're sure, but by the time you're stepping into your room with Poe hanging sheepishly behind your heels, a wave of exhaustion has hit you. Still, you're true to your word, so you motion at the mattress. “Have at it,” you tell him as you move toward your desk. 

Poe doesn't even pull down the duvet, just toes off his shoes and sits gingerly on the edge of the bed like he's afraid he'll break it. “You sure about this? I don't like the idea of you staying up all night to make sure I sleep. Where'd we be if one of Rose's best techs were falling asleep on the job cos of me?”

“I told you, I'm not even tired -” you hide a yawn behind your hand and cough, but Poe's eyebrow shoots upward so you know you've been caught - “I mean, I'm tired, but not enough to sleep.”

Poe leans forward off the bed, grabbing you by the sleeve of your sweater, and gently tugs you forward. You could hold your ground if you want, but you shuffle forward anyway, a tiny smile tugging at your lips. 

“You need your rest too, you know. I can always sleep on the floor or go back to my quarters.” 

“You're not sleeping on my floor.” You scoff, “And I think we've already established that you’re having trouble sleeping in your quarters.”

“The X-Wing is always available.” 

“Or we could just share the bed.” You don't mean to say it aloud - you don't think - but it slips out anyway. Part of you flounders, but it's overridden by your concern for his screwed up sleep schedule, so you continue on, “It's not like we haven't fallen asleep together before.”

Those times were different and you know it - falling asleep huddled together over datapads in the corner of the debriefing room was totally different than dozing off in the same bed.

Poe stands up and you start to think he’s going to leave, but instead, he gestures at the bed. “Pick your side.”

“Really?” You ask, moving to your favored side, closest to the wall. Unlike Poe, you yank the duvet down and snuggle in before patting the space next to you. He climbs on just as warily as before, feet kicked over the blanket.

“I figured there was a 50/50 shot of me finding you asleep outside my door if I tried to leave,” Poe says with a light smile and you whack him with one of the bed pillows. He isn’t wrong, you’re well-known around the base for your dedication to looking out for your friends, and that sounds...exactly like what you were planning to do if he wasn’t going to stick around.

He settles on the bed beside you, a low sigh escaping his lips as he stares up at the ceiling. You twist onto your side, propping your head up with your elbow. “Poe?”

He hums in response, not immediately taking his eyes off the ceiling. 

“It’s okay to be afraid, you know.” 

He turns his head to look down at you softly. “I know, I just...wish I wasn’t.”

You seek out his hand in the dark. As soon as you find it, you thread your fingers together. You wish none of this happened, it makes you angry when you think about it. “No one wants to be afraid, but it’s okay. You don’t have to deal with this alone.”

“Everyone’s counting on me. Leia’s counting on me.” 

“You really think the General doesn’t have nightmares either?” You counter. His gaze flicks back up to meet yours. You shift again, scooting a little closer. “Rey’s mentioned having nightmares, so has Finn. Even Jess has them, you know that better than anyone. People are all counting on them, so what makes you so different?”

“I just...don’t wanna let her down.” He’s talking about Leia, you realize.

You shake your head. “Poe Dameron, that’s impossible. No one understands the General quite like you do.” You bump your knee against his side, “I’m pretty sure no one understands you quite like the General does.”

“I don’t know about that.” Poe chuckles and looks back up at the ceiling. “There’s this person who always seems to know what I’m thinking.”

“Oh? What are they like, then, have I met them?”

“Probably. They’re a technician. One of Rose’s best, actually. Chewed me up one side and down the other for strapping experimental tech onto Black One before it got destroyed. Usually drags me to bed when they find me out cold in an X-Wing.”

Your cheeks warm. “They sound like a handful.”

“They are,” Poe agrees and you resist the urge to swat him with a pillow. “Stubborn like you wouldn’t believe, strong sense of justice, has an even bigger heart and will do anything for the people they care about. They’re a damn good friend - even if they keep their room below freezing -” he emphasizes this last part by finally ducking under the blankets and you bark out a laugh.

“It’s not that cold.” 

“Oh, yes it is,” Poe argues with a shiver. You roll your eyes and settle back into your pillow as he settles on his side, his back to you.

After a long moment of silence, you say, “Hey, Poe?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re a damn good friend, too.”

You’re met with a sheepish laugh, and you cautiously throw an arm around his torso. He doesn’t react for a minute, but just as you’re about to pull away, he wraps his hand around yours and pulls it up to his chest. You smile and awkwardly move closer, burying your face in between his shoulder blades.

It doesn’t take long for his breathing to even out, but you stay up for a while longer to make sure he’s in a steady sleep, but for the first time all evening, he seems relaxed and peaceful, so you close your eyes and murmur against his shirt, “G’night, flyboy.” 

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron imagines #poe dameron x you #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron #star wars x reader #star wars imagine #nonnie nonnie #myfic #not sure if this is pure fluff but i tried tojatoat

[maybe-your-left]

can we get something with ky or and ben forgetting about our date? 🥺 like they stood us up after meeting us in real life for the first time? 🥺💜💜💜

SOBBING 🥺😭

yes. i will anon. for YOU 😘

“Ma’am?”

You took a deep breath, trying to not lash out on the waitress. Your chin placed in your palm, elbow on your table, staring down at your phone. Not one message from Kylo today, not even a ‘happy anniversary my love’. Or a ‘I’m so lucky to have you.’.

“Is your companion still coming?”

“I guess not,” you sighed, fighting off the tears welling in your eyes. Anger, betrayal, hurt coursing through your veins, how dare he? How dare he not remember, or even check his phone today? You had told him last week there was a dinner reservation.

“I’m so sorry ma’am,” your waitress gave you a sad grimace, “I’ll have the valet bring your car around.”

“Thank you.”

———

You say in the parking lot of the restaurant for thirty minutes. Maybe he would come in while you waited, because he didn’t forget you! But no, he never showed.

Promising yourself you wouldn’t cry, there was not use for them. No matter how many times you called Kylo, he didn’t answer. So, you were determined to show him how little you cared about him since his silence spoke volumes.

You stopped at a liquor store, grabbing some of your favorite vodka. Not like you didn’t have some at home, but the fresh wound required a fresh bottle.

In the elevator towards your penthouse you practiced calming breaths. You almost lost it in the parking lot, seeing Kylos Porsche right in his spot next to you. Thinking nothing of it when your car wasn’t there.

Poised over the doorknob, you steeled yourself for what was to come. Maybe he would be asleep, or doing work, or worse... maybe he had someone over.

Kylo hadn’t given you reason to doubt his fidelity before, always showering you with acts of love and devotion. Making sure you knew that he belonged to you, no one else.

But now...

“You’ve got this,” you whispered. Clutching your purse and vodka bottle to your chest, to stop yourself from charging at him. There would be zero benefit in making him mad, he would just fight with you until you were in tears and he punched something.

The door opened quickly, you slipped inside. Toeing your heels off next to his work shoes, so far so good. No unknown heels next to his, or different coats in the closet.

You padded past the kitchen and dining room, seeing the barest amount of life. Only a few lights were flicked on, evidence of him devouring whatever was in the Taco Bell bag on the counter. You rolled your eyes at it, he would’ve had real food if he checked his phone.

A loud slam spooked you, followed by Kylo yelling at something. His voice sounded slightly slurred, and his whiskey wasn’t on the fridge. “Great, he’s drunk,” you walked quietly towards the living room.

Unfortunately the sofa back was in direct view of the stairs, all you wanted to do was slink past him to go up and sob in the bathtub.

Thats it!

“Jesus christ,” Kylo boomed at the TV, “What kinda shit was that!”

You glanced at the screen, mistakenly voicing your groan of disappointment. It was an MMA fight, something he was too invested in. Kylos head snapped over to you, his face instantly irritated.

“Finally coming home?”

“Excuse me?”

He scoffed, taking a swig from his bottle, “I’m surprised you had the fucking nerve to come back here. After dinner with your lover.”

Your eyebrows shot to the roof, baffled by his anger towards you. He continued to glare at you, lips snarled up as he spat out more venom.

About how horrible you were to cheat on him.

How dare he think he could trust you?

After seven years together!

You had to look away, the tears no longer a threat but skimming down your cheeks.

Kylo scoffed at that, “Oh, what’s the matter? Cant handle being called out for being a fucking whore?”

With trembling lips and a wobbly chin, you trudged past him. Despite him continuing his assault, taking deep drinks between each bout. You padded up the stairs towards the bedroom. Ignoring him yelled at you to pack your shit.

Once the door was shut, you crumbled. Sobbing as loud as you could, no longer able to hold it in. Screaming through it as your body trembled with anger and deep depression. There was no stopping it, you let the tears flow as you ripped your gown off.

Twisting open the bottle and taking as big of a drink you could manage. Choking on it in your bout of sobbing, you sounded like a cat hacking up a furball.

Once you were naked, you went to the bathroom, vodka in hand. Crying harder when you saw your reflection. Face splotchy, stained it tears that ripped through your makeup. Your eyes were already puffed and blood shot, you were a wreck.

Your body went on auto pilot when filling the tub, throwing in bath bombs of soothing smells. Turning on the radio to some classical music, it seemed fitting for your hysterics.

Managing small sips between shuddered breaths, almost retching over the side when you took a wrong breath.

Apparently, during one of your coughing fits, darth tantrum decided to come upstairs. Throwing the bathroom door open with a scowl on his face, “What do you think you’re doing?”

You cried, bringing your knees to your chest so you could bury your face. Kylo didn’t like that, grabbing a handful of your hair to yank you up to face him. You screamed when he hoisted you to stand, bubbles and glitter dripping down your naked body.

“Why are you still in my fucking house,” he shook your head, “Huh?”

“Kylo...”

“You need to pick your shit up before I throw it off the balcony-“

“YOU MISSED OUR ANNIVERSARY DINNER!”

Kylo stopped, looking at you like you were speaking in tongues. Your voice was hoarse from tears, but you could accept anymore abuse, “I wasn’t-I wasn’t out with another man,” you gasped as his fist tightened.

“What?” he whispered, small and sharp.

“I called you,” you reached behind your head yanking Kylos hand from your hair, “I called and texted, to remind you that it was tonight. And you didn’t show up, you-you-you forgot about me!”

“I didn’t-,”

“Yes you did!”

Silence.

“I’ve tried to contact you all day, and you’ve ignored me. And I sat at our favorite restaurant where, by the way was our first DATE, for over an hour!”

He swallowed slowly, unable to look you in the eye. His face instead looking at the bubbles, you trudged on, determined to rub salt in his wounds.

“And then, I find you here. In our home, drunk enough to accuse me of cheating on you! Drunk enough to call me names and insults all without considering my feelings.”

“I-,”

“Why would I expect you to? Nothings ever about me, it’s always about Kylo. And if Kylo doesn’t know whats happening, then that means it’s my fault.”

“That’s not-,”

“Don’t even fucking try,” you stepped over the lip, snatching a towel to warm yourself. Kylo’s eyes followed you, looking from your toes to meet your puffed eyes.

He visible cringed at you, mouth popping open to defend himself but you refused.

“You know what,” you mumbled, “You fucking get out, go hang out with your friends or some other bullshit because what you did to me is unacceptable.”

Kylo followed you out of the bathroom, stumbling not only on his words but his body. “No-no love, I didn’t mean it! My phone hasn’t been working today I’m sorry, I know you didn’t cheat on me...”

“Enough.”

You lowered your head, taking a step back from his reaching hands to hold you. That wouldn’t work this time, you were done.

“Take some clothes and get out.”

———

OOPS SAD

FUCK KYLO REN

TAGGING: @finn-ray-nal-beads​​​ @onlykyloscenes​​​ @candycanes19​​​ @historyandfandoms50​​​ @caelum-phyriina-vermillon​​​ @ghoulian13​​​ @mrs-kylo-ren​​​ @millenialcatlady​​​​ @relationshipwithmybed​​ @dancingmicrobes​​​ @wayward-rose​​​  @contesa-lui-alucard​​​ @daydreamsofren​​​ @insufferablelust​​​ @ohdamnadamm​​​ @mariesackler​​​ @caillea​​ @safarigirlsp​​ @jalexunderthestars​​​ @shesakillerkween​​​ @glassythoughts​​ @zimmermansbrat​​ @not-the-teen-witch​​ @jynzandtonic​ @roanniom​ @celestiasin @glassbxttless

#adam driver #kylo ren #adamdriver #boyfriend kylo ren #boyfriend kylo #maybe your left #ask fridays #3.19.2021 #tw: mentions of infidelity #could be considered #tw: verbal abuse #kylo is yelling at us #tw: alcohol

[coffeeinallcaps]

wip/rip meme: sw poe panic attacks

(Send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you and I’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it!) In which Poe is FINE, he’s JUST FINE, GUYS, NO PROBLEMS HERE.

Two weeks after the Battle of Starkiller Base, Poe wakes up without a headache for the first time since Jakku. Sitting up doesn’t make him feel sick, and the lights don’t set off stabs of pain behind his eyes. There’s no wave of dizziness when he gets to his feet.

Sweet, he thinks before making his way to the refresher.

--

BB-8 is running preflight diagnostics when Poe gets to the hangar. The others are already there. Bastian is walking around his ship, checking the underside of the hull. Jessika waves at Poe from where she’s talking to one of the ground technicians, her helmet tucked under her other arm. Poe waves back.

“Morning, sunshine,” Iolo says, slapping Poe on the shoulder as Karé says, “All right, boss?”

“Yeah,” Poe says, and he means it. He feels good, well rested in a way he hasn’t felt since, well.

The feeling lasts until they’re about to take off.

One moment he’s fine. The next the canopy is coming down, closing in around him, and he panics.

The feeling doesn’t register as panic right away. It’s—it’s something primal, a sudden visceral overwhelming sense of wrong, something is wrong, he needs to get out of here—

“Stop,” he says, “BB-8, stop, abort,” and BB-8 overrides the control system, beeps inquisitively. Poe can’t answer the question, because he’s breathing too fast and too loud—heart beating wildly in his chest, throat, ears—and he’s already strapped in but he needs to get out, he’s stuck and the cockpit is way too small, there’s not enough room, not enough air, he can’t think, can’t breathe.

That’s when he realizes, I’m panicking.

It’s like his consciousness has split in two. He’s right here, gasping for air and ineffectually tugging at the buckles of his harness, but another part of him is divorced from all this, hovering somewhere in the back of his own mind thinking What. The. Hell.

What the hell are you doing, Dameron. Calm the fuck down. Get your shit together. You’re being irrational.

And yes, he knows, he knows that, knows it doesn’t make sense, but he needs to get out.

The buckles finally give way, and he’s moving, scrambling out of the cockpit, down the ladder that hasn’t been retracted yet. His foot slips on the last rung. He stumbles backward until his back is pressed up against something.

He still can’t breathe, still feels trapped—he reaches for his helmet, it takes him three tries to undo the chin strap, he manages to wrench the helmet off his head and lets it drop to the floor.

He’s sweating. His chest is heaving under his flak vest. It feels like he’s being punched in the diaphragm over and over again, like he’s going to be coughing up blood any second from now. Like Kylo Ren—

The vest needs to come off, too, but his hands keep slipping on it.

People are standing around him. He can see the scuffed toes of their boots, the dirty orange and olive green legs of their flight suits. “Take it off,” he hears himself say, between gasps, “take it off, take it off,” and they help him out of the vest, pull open the collar of his flight suit.

The part of Poe’s mind that is hanging back notes that this is embarrassing. A deeply humiliating experience. The part of Poe’s mind that’s panicking is unable to register it as such. The observation emerges behind an impenetrable transparisteel panel. It’s right there, he can see it, but he can’t reach it and it can’t reach him.

Someone—Jess?—says, sharply, “Step back, guys, give him some fucking space,” and someone else says, “No, I think—” and Poe closes his eyes, thinks, Yes, space, I need space, give me space and then two arms are winding tight around him. No, let go, he thinks, eyes still closed, Let me go I need and then Finn? but it can’t be Finn, Finn is still in the med bay, still in a coma, Finn is—

He struggles, half-heartedly. It’s a relief to have something physical to struggle against, instead of just the awful sense of terror ballooning in his chest, clawing at his windpipe. It gives him something to focus on. His panicking self and his observing self merge. The transparisteel panel between them drops away, and shame comes rushing in.

He takes a gulping breath and goes limp.

It’s Bastian who’s holding him. He’s trapped again, trapped between the wall and Bastian’s body, but Bastian’s body is warm and familiar and hiding him from view so it’s not too bad, really, to be trapped here. When he looks straight ahead, he can see the vast expanse of the hangar. The rectangle of sunlight at the end is a comforting sight.

This whole thing can’t have lasted longer than, what, five minutes? ten minutes? but Poe is fucking exhausted. He’s shaking, he realizes.

“Hey,” Jess says. “Poe.”

It’s just her and Bastian now. The others are gone.

Another hot, nauseating rush of shame washes over him.

“Poe. Look at me.” Jess is dabbing Poe’s face with her sleeve. It comes away soaked, he sees. Her other hand brushes against his cheek. “You with us?”

Poe nods. He’s still catching his breath. He doesn’t think he can speak. He thinks that if Bastian let go of him, he’d crumble to his knees.

Bastian doesn’t let go. He takes a small step back, but keeps his hands on Poe’s shoulders.

We’re late, Poe thinks. We need to leave. He wants to say it out loud, but the thought of getting back into his ship makes his throat close up again and a fresh layer of sweat break out on his forehead.

Jess wipes it away. She and Bastian are talking with their eyes. Poe appreciates the fact that neither of them is asking him what the hell just happened. He also appreciates the fact that neither of them is asking him if he’s okay.

The moment stretches on.

They’re late. They need to leave.

He can’t fucking get it past his teeth.

“You guys should go,” Poe says eventually, the words scraping at the dry inside of his throat. His voice sounds raw, wrecked.

Jess lets out a sigh of relief. “Oh, good,” she says. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

It’s the only right thing to say. He’d be putting all of them in danger if he tried to fly, let alone lead a mission, in this condition. He takes a breath. Still that pressure in his chest, like there’s a wet cloth lodged between his lungs and his ribcage. It’s like trying to breathe in deeply on a hot and humid planet. Like trying to breathe when Ren—

Poe swallows, shakes his head, says, “We have to...”

“Snap’s on his way down here,” Jess says. “We’ll be all right. I’ll take it from here. The only thing you have to do is go see Dr. Kalonia.”

“I’ll walk with you,” Bastian offers, and Poe wants to say no, wants to tell them to get out of here, it’s fine, he’ll be fine, but then he realizes one of his hands is fisted into Bastian’s flight suit, clenched so tight his fingers have gone numb. It hurts to let go.

One of Bastian’s hands stays on Poe’s lower back, barely there, as they walk. Poe doesn’t stop at the med bay. Bastian wordlessly keeps up with him.

“Thanks, buddy,” Poe says when they get to his quarters.

“Anytime,” Bastian says, with a small, soft smile that makes Poe want to sink through the floor.

He lies back on his bed with his arms folded over his face. They’re trembling. His whole body is trembling. He closes his eyes and tries to block out his thoughts.

He doesn’t move until the doors slide open.

“Poe,” Dr. Kalonia’s voice says.

Poe says, “Doctor.”

His head doesn’t swim when he pushes himself up on his hands. It doesn’t quite feel like the victory it did this morning. The familiar sour taste at the back of his throat is back, but he guesses it has little to do with a lingering concussion and more to do with what happened in the hangar just now.

Kalonia doesn’t start off by asking him questions, which—again—Poe appreciates. She sits down next to him on the bed. Her fingertips are light on his cheek when she checks his pupil response. She listens to his heart and lungs, takes his pulse.

“Headaches been bothering you?” she asks.

Poe shakes his head.

“Dizzy spells?”

“Not anymore.”

“When did your symptoms go away?” After a pause, during which she puts her flashlight back into her pocket and loops her stethoscope around her neck again, she adds, “I’m assuming they went away, because you never did come back for a final check-up.”

“Um,” Poe says, scratching the back of his neck. Dr. Kalonia reminds him of his grandmother sometimes; there are very few people in the galaxy who can inspire this amount of guilt in him this quickly. “I felt pretty good this morning?” He can’t help but add, “And in my defense, we’ve all been pretty busy.”

“From what my droids tell me, it seems you are perfectly capable of finding the time to stop by the med center for other reasons.”

Finn.

“Well, I mean, all’s fair in love and war, right?” Poe says. And then, “I am sorry, Doc.”

She smiles. “Don’t worry about it. Trust me, I would’ve known where to find you if I needed to.”

“That sounds vaguely threatening, Doc.”

“Good.” She sits back. “Look, Poe, I could run some more tests, but as far as I can tell there’s nothing physically wrong with you right now.”

“Clean bill of health, then,” Poe jokes.

“Not quite, I’m afraid.”

The doors slide open again.

“Oh,” Rey says, looking at Dr. Kalonia. “I’ll go.” She doesn’t move.

“It’s fine,” Poe says.

“I can wait.”

“It’s fine.”

Rey shrugs, then crosses the room and perches on the windowsill with her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands. There’s dirt under her fingernails. She smiles at Poe.

He smiles back at her.

“I don’t think there’s anything physically wrong with you,” Dr. Kalonia says. “I think you had a panic attack. A severe one.”

(MORE TALKING)

(KALONIA LEAVES)

Poe throws one arm over his eyes again. “Come over here?” he says, flinging out his other arm in Rey’s direction, palm upward.

It’s a suggestion, not a request. He and Rey have been thrust together through their mutual connection with Finn. They’ve been spending a lot of time at his bedside together. Poe still hasn’t figured Rey out, not entirely, and he’s pretty sure Rey still hasn’t figured him out, either. Rey is still figuring herself out, life on the Resistance base seeming both exciting and overwhelming to her.

The mattress dips under Rey’s weight. She leaves some space between their bodies, but she puts her hand on his stomach, pillows her head on his arm. He can hear her breathe, soft and calm.

“Are you okay?” she says eventually, cautiously. There’s something about the way she asks the question that briefly makes Poe’s chest feel like it’s caving in.

He clears his throat, says, “Yeah.”

He doesn’t sound very convincing. She doesn’t call him out on it.

“Wanna go outside?” she says. “It’s sunny. There’s fresh air, and trees.”

“Really,” Poe says.

She shoves him.

“Careful,” he says reflexively. “Don’t damage the goods.”

Rey says, unimpressed, “Seriously?”

Poe’s chest still hurts. He lets his arm slide off his face, presses the heel of his palm against his ribs. It doesn’t help.

“You know what, fresh air sounds pretty good,” he says, sitting up.

“Good call,” Rey says.

#coffee chats #star wars #scribbles #1k of poe angst for you my friend

[apomaro-mellow]

Powers at Work

Read on AO3

Snoke looked upon the trooper before him, his mouth curling up into a smile as he felt the indignation boiling inside Kylo Ren for having to stand side-by-side with this one.

"Remove your helmet. What is your designation?"

The irony of being asked to show his face while also reciting that which gave him anonymity was not lost on the young man. But he obeyed without hesitation.

"FN-2187."

"Tell me boy", Snoke addressed Kylo Ren this time. "What do you feel from him?"

"Nothing", he answered. His own mask giving the illusion of cold indifference. But behind it was a petulant expression. And Snoke could feel it, as well as the particular sort of energy the emanated from the storm trooper.

"He has Force potential. It is weak. But it is there."

Neither of the young men said anything about that. Kylo Ren was slowly simmering from petulance to seething while FN-2187 didn't really know what any of this meant. He knew little of the Force. Just that it was part of some strange technique that the Knights of Ren and Supreme Leader Snoke utilized. There were a lot of rumors about what it could and couldn't do.

"He will become a knight", Snoke continued. "I see great things in his future."

From then on, FN-2187's life had flipped on its head in some ways, but had mostly remained the same. He still had to get up early, dress in a uniform, wear a mask, and go through training that pushed him to the limits of his mind and body.

But one significant change was the way he was taught to process his emotions. Stormtroopers were meant to be unfeeling and simply follow orders. As a Knight of Ren, he still had to follow orders without question. Every time frustration and anger built up inside of him though, he was told to harness it. To channel it into an energy that he could use. Mostly for destruction.

And it felt good.

Shooting with a blaster and using other weapons had their charm. But there was something cathartic about using your own hands, even though he wasn't technically touching anything. When FN-2187 reached out and grasped the neck of a Resistance fighter, he felt it as if his hand was actually cutting off their air supply.

With every insurgence that was squashed, he grew more powerful. And with more power, he became more capable. It didn't take long for him to forget the troopers he had known. Why should he remember them anyway? They were nothing but cogs in a machine. FN-2187 was still a cog himself, but a much bigger one than he had been. And in the end, their goal was the same - to destroy.

The other knights believed the same, having given themselves to the cult of Ren that cared not for right and wrong, only what they wanted. FN-2187 believed that there was no right and wrong. If there was good, how could the First Order ever come into such great power. If there was justice, then how would it punish all of the crimes committed by the vast armies?

There was no hope, no righteous glory to strive for, no happy ending where the bad guys lost. There was only those with power and those without. And if he could use that power to break, to wreck, to crumble, then why shouldn't he?

It wasn't like he was going to get punished for doing wrong, so what incentive did he have to do right?

He wasn't like Kylo Ren. FN-2187's powers within the Force had grown. And he could feel the turmoil within Kylo Ren like it was his own. It was why FN-2187 was glad that they didn't spend too much time together. Eventually, one of the other knights had told him the story; that Kylo Ren had originally trained under a fledgling jedi order under Luke Skywalker before tearing it all down and succumbing to the dark side.

And that explained the torrent that raged inside of him. Some part of him was still clinging to hope. Hope for what, FN-2187 didn't know. Maybe he wanted to be saved and leave the First Order. Maybe he wanted something more than this. Whatever it was, FN-2187 wished that part of their training included learning to hold things in. But they weren't taught much about the spiritual side of the Force outside using hatred to fuel them.

It was supposed to be a mission as easy as any other. They had gotten intel that the Resistance was harboring a very important piece of information.

"We are to find the one who has it. And take it", Kylo Ren said as they were en route.

No one asked what the information was or why it was so important. But FN-2187 was curious. And Kylo Ren's mind was always such an open book. So he flipped through the pages and found that what was so important was a droid with a map to Luke Skywalker.

"GET OUT!", Kylo Ren barked, pushing FN-2187 out of his head.

"Don't keep yourself so open then", he said in reply with a shrug.

FN-2187 had seen other things floating on the surface along with that tidbit. An old man's face, probably Skywalker himself, as well as a few other faces. None that he recognized of course. But he at least understood why the Knights of Ren were being put to such a task.

Luke Skywalker was a dangerous man and had the power to end everything. FN-2187 had heard the legend of Skywalker. But like most things, it was impossible to tell what was actually true and what was just gossip, exaggerations, or stories to soothe children.

When they landed on the planet, stormtroopers had already begun terrorizing the people that lived there. FN-2187 felt nothing as he watched innocent people get gunned down. Because if he felt something, he would have to admit that this was all wrong. And if this was all wrong, that meant there had to be a right side. But there was no right or wrong, only strong and weak.

The Resistance was full of weaklings, those that clung to loft ideals and died because of them.

So imagine his surprise when one of these weaklings, the ones trying to uphold some twisted form of justice and good, snuck up on him and landed a blow on his helmet, nearly knocking him to the ground.

FN-2187 had been checking one of the homes for the Resistance fighter. He had sensed something behind him but only at the very last second. It was why he was able to get away without the full brunt of the attack hitting him squarely on the head. As it was, he only had a crack in his helmet. The fighter closed the distance between them, probably thinking that they could corner him in such a small space.

The amount of room stopped being a hindrance when FN-2187 used the Force to push him back, crumbling one of the walls in the process. The fighter lay limp on the ground on top of the rubble. Fn-2187 approached and narrowly dodged the blaster shot that came at him. A last ditch attempt from the fighter before having a strong boot step on his wrist. The crack in the helmet crew, and a piece fell off. That last shot having done a bit more damage to it.

"Any last words?", FN-2187 asked.

The fighter coughed up a bit of blood and sounded like he was choking before he could answer. "You've...you've got...got a pretty eye... for a bastard."

He gave pause at that. "...Just one?", he asked, bending over.

"Well I can't see the other one, so I can only imagine."

Poe Dameron truly hadn't expected such a pretty brown eye when he shot off that chunk of helmet. Honestly, he'd been hoping to shoot right through their head and get a chance to escape. But now that it looked like he was at his end, why not be honest? It wasn't like this guy would repeat his last words. So no one on either side would know that Poe had complimented the man who had killed him.

He took in shallow breaths, waiting for the final blow. How would it come? Just a shot? Would his skull be crushed under a boot? Or would this one be using the same laser sword as their oh so charming leader?

FN-2187 lifted his foot off of the fighter's wrist and knelt down next to him. He had to know one thing. Just one thing before he left this man for dead.

"Why do you fight?"

The immediate response was laughter. "We fight because your side didn't give us a choice. We fight in defense of everything we love."

FN-2187 could have laughed himself at such a cliche response. Then an idea occurred to him. Something that he had thought about from time to time but had never imagined he'd get a chance at. If wanton destruction in the name of desire was the way of the Ren, then what glorious ecstasy would it be to destroy something as grand and enormous as the First Order?

"Play dead", FN-2187 said.

He dragged the fighter by the arm, walking towards one of the many piles of bodies that had begun to accumulate. Thankfully the other knights were deeper in the village, searching for the droid and its owner. Keeping his half-covered gaze forward, FN-2187 continued. Being a knight had the perk that any trooper he passed by quickly put their head down and pretended to work harder than they already were.

He counted himself lucky that they got as far as the gangplank before someone called out to him. Not looking back, he threw the fighter deeper into the ship, blasted the trooper before he could report and hit the button to lift up the plank.

"You fly?", FN-2187 asked.

With a groan, the other man got to his feet. "I fly!", he exclaimed with a lightness that made it easy to forget he was injured. He put himself in the pilot's seat and got the ship going. FN-2187 felt out for the other knights, especially for Kylo Ren. He felt confusion most of all. And then numbness. And then they were too far away to feel much of anything.

He stopped looking back and only looked forward; to the Resistance that he'd be joining, and the pilot he had saved that was his ticket in.

#apo writes #fanfiction #finnpoe #enemies to lovers but they're actually enemies this time

[let-love-run-red]

Fire and Rain

AO3 link

You let out a huff and rolled over in the bed, sliding your arm over Kylo's midsection and nuzzling your face further into his neck. He was warm, almost too warm for a California summer morning, but they'd been fighting wildfires in shifts for the past week and this was the first time he'd had a chance to sleep at home in three days.

You could deal with him being warm.

You could hear him suck in a deep breath, then all his muscles tensed as he stretched. He curled his toes and lifted his arms above his head, letting out a slight hum from his throat as he warmed up his vocal cords for the day. He lowered his hands, resting one on the small of your back and his other arm over his eyes, covering the scar over his eyes. He's gotten it when a fire he'd been near dropped a tree. The fall had blown the old dead tree to bits and one of the stray branches had hit him in the face.

He'd decided to go back fighting the fires of Redwood National Park. You begged him not to, the accident had left him in the hospital for weeks. His face had been burned and scarred, not to mention the pieces of tree embedded in his chest. He still wanted to fight fires, but he came up with a compromise.

He rejoined the National Parks Services fire management crew but not as part of their ground crew. He'd trained and certified to join their air team, and he was proud of it. He piloted a Bell 206 helicopter. They called it the LongRanger. He'd been part of their aerial management team for two years now, but this was by far the worst wildfire they'd they'd fought. He came back with stories of freak updrafts and embers that spread too easily, not to mention the people who thought it was fun to start more fires.

"Good morning." He rumbled, dragging his fingertips gently over the soft skin of your shoulders. You hummed in response and pulled him tighter against you. He grumbled and stretched again.

"Babe, I love you but I am so hot right now." He said with a chuckle and scooted off the bed. You weren't hurt, you agreed with him honestly, it was too hot.

"Do you have to go in today?" You asked as he stretched again. His back and shoulders popped before he crossed the room to pull a clean pair of boxers from the dresser, pulling them up his bare legs.

"I'm sorry baby, you know I do. I'm their only chopper pilot." He said, pulling a clean T-shirt with the insignia of their crew embroidered on the chest from the dresser. He put on a pair of jeans to go with it and walked into the bathroom to brush his shoulder length hair.

You climbed out of the bed, taking one of his shirts from the dresser and pulling it on over your head. You followed him into the bathroom, leaning against his back and wrapping your arms around his waist while he brushed his hair.

"I'll pick you up after work?" You asked hopefully. He was always tired after his shifts, you worried about him driving home.

"Of course Darling. Hux was going to give me a ride in anyway." He said as he set the brush down. This was good. You could see him after his shift, spend time together. You had a bad feeling about today but you tried to push that down as he lifted your hand to his lips, planting a soft kiss on your knuckles.

                                                ***

"Ren do you copy?"  Phasma called over the radio. Kylo had been doing recon on where the wildfire had spread through the night. It was farther than he'd anticipated, they would have their work cut out for them.

"Yeah I copy, what's up Phasma?" He asked.

"We've got a place near the river we can't get in with the planes. We need you to come do a drop, split-load, direct approach." Phasma called. Ren confirmed over the radio, heading towards their location following the river.

"Shit this ones big." He muttered. He could see the smoke and embers spreading rapidly with the wind speeds and the dry brush. There had been budget cuts, the rangers were having a hard time managing the forest, especially with the influx of campers.

He angled the LongRanger towards the place Phasma had specified and it rumbled with a sudden downdraft. He corrected his pitch, trying to keep the old machine in the air. It was a rattley thing, one he didn't fully trust, but as long as he could anticipate the fire and the air movements it was ok.

"Fuck, fuck!" He shouted as the downdraft was replaced with an updraft that blew from the fire, tossing the chopper to the other side of the river away from the fire.

"Phasma!" He called into the radio as alarms began flashing on the console. Something in the engine had seized, he couldn't straighten the chopper as it spun wildly/

"Phasma I've lost control! The Ranger is going down, just North of-Fuck!" He shouted as the rotors connected with the trees, tossing the Ranger around before dropping through the ancient redwoods and falling to the ground with a mighty thud.

                                                ***

You pulled up to the base, pulling your car off to the side away from the runway. The base was buzzing, the planes were being refueled and refilled with the flame retardant. Phasma, Kylo's second in command, was barking orders that you couldn't hear as people rushed around.

You approached her with a smile. She hadn't noticed your arrival. You didn't see Kylo's helicopter anywhere on the tarmac, which likely meant he was still out with the fire.

"Phasma!" You called. She turned to you, face pale with bags under her eyes. Something wasn't going their way and it showed.

"(y/n)." She said, almost shocked. "I didn't know we'd see you today." She said. She still wouldn't match your grin. Something was definitely wrong.

"Yeah I'm picking Kylo up today. Any idea when he'll be back in?" You asked. Phasma cleared her throat and rested one hand on her hips, running the other through her blonde hair.

"Um, (y/n) something happened." She said. Your face fell.

"What happened?" You asked. She was quiet.

"Phasma, what happened?" You asked more insistently.

"We were out with the fire, I called Kylo in to flank it with the Ranger. He was on his way, and then he radioed in and said he was losing control of the chopper." She said. You could feel tears welling in your eyes.

"We don't know where he went down (y/n)." She finished. "His radio cut out before he could give us the location." She said.

"Why is everyone still here?" You asked, tears streaming down your cheeks. Why weren't people looking for him? Why was everyone here?

"(y/n) this is the new shift, everyone is out looking for him. But we need people here for the fires." She said. You let a sob escape from your chest, leaning into Phasma as she pulled you into a hug.

"We'll find him (y/n)."

                                                ***

It had been two days since Kylo's chopper had gone down. They found the Ranger, it was nothing more than a mangled ball of steel under a few tree limbs it had brought down when it crashed. Kylo was nowhere to be found. Any tracks he had left has been erased by the fresh black bear tracks, then razed by the fire that had passed through the area.

You had joined the search party. A base had been set up at the Redwood Creek overlook, on Bald Hills Road. It was closest to the place Kylo had last radioed in at. There had been search parties, volunteers, the rest of the team came in during their time off, looking for their chief.

You'd started to give up hope. The fire had been contained, thanks to one of the rare rainstorms that passed through the area and helped the crew. But the fire, then the rain, had erased any sign of where Kylo could have been. You knew what was in these woods, it was your job as a park biologist to know.

You were walking down the road a ways from the temporary base. You needed some space, some air, somewhere to think. Everyone had been treating you like a widow. Like he was already dead. You took a sip from your water bottle, wondering where Kylo could be.

Off to your right came a sound like a deer crashing wildly through the brush. You paused, turning to look at the sound. You weren't sure what to expect, the only animals that strayed this close to here were moose and the occasional brave deer. The people at the outlook usually drove them off.

You saw a mess of black hair in the forest, followed by a familiar string of cursing. Kylo pulled himself from the bushes, chest heaving as he leaned heavily on a piece of broken tail rotor. There was another piece of rotor strapped to his left leg as he hobbled towards the road. The black emergency pack from the Ranger was strapped to his back.

"Kylo?" You asked in disbelief. He looked up at you. His face was caked with ash and soot, there were burns on his arms and he sagged in relief when he saw you.

"(y/n), oh my god." He said, trying to move to you. You rushed towards him, sliding your arms around his midsection. He grimaced, letting out a cough as he leaned his weight on you.

"Kylo, Kylo I thought I lost you." You said, sobbing into his chest. He leaned more of his weight on you, heaving as coughs wracked his chest.

You pulled back, looking at his face and wiping some of the ash off his cheeks. There were bags under his eyes and his cheeks were hollowed. He swallowed dryly when he finished coughing and you offered him your water bottle.

"Drink baby, please." You said. You supported his weight as he took the bottle, drinking greedily from it. He sighed in relief as you pulled out your radio, pressing the button.

"Phasma, do you copy?" You asked, trying to keep the emotion from your voice.

"Copy, what is it (y/n)?" Phasma asked.

"I found him, I've got Kylo." You said. There was silence from Phasma's end.

"Is he," Kylo cut her off as she paused.

"I'm alive Phasma. Takes more than a helicopter and a fire to kill me." He said. You chuckled. Despite being in obvious pain he still had his humour.

"Ren! Do you know what you did?! People have been out here looking for you for days and you finally show up?" Phasma snapped over the radio. Kylo chuckled then coughed again.

"Hey Phas, if it isn't too much trouble, we could use some help." Kylo said. You gave Phasma the location, not too far from the outlook, and within minutes she was there with a team of medics.

"Babe you keep looking at me like I'm going to disappear." He said as they forced him to at least sit on the stretcher they had brought.

"You did disappear." You said, holding his hand in yours while they walked.

"And now I'm back." He said, kissing your knuckles the way he had the morning he disappeared.

"And I'm not going to leave you again."

General Tag List: @keithseabrook27​, @simonsbluee​, @scarletsoldierrr​

#empressrenwrites #firefighter!kylo #kylo ren #kyloren #firefighter!kylo ren #firefighter kylo ren #firefighter au #au #alternate universe #kylo #ren #established relationship #kylo ren x reader #gender neutral reader #x reader #reader insert #kylo ren x you #kylo ren reader insert #kylo ren fanfiction #fanfiction #kylo ren fanfic #star wars fanfiction #star wars au

[anabe23bookwormstuff]

I. Fear and blood

(I played around with the ages because I wasn't sure how old Rey and Ben were, I just know for a fact that he is ten years older. Somewhere else I read that she was five when her parents left her on jakku and that Ben was 23 or 24 when he turned to the dark side so... in order forthings to work out I decided that... Rey is in this moment nine years old, soon to be ten. Ben is twenty and has recently joined Snoke, the other details will be told in the story  but about their ages I think  this is all. Thanks)

Exegol

Rey stood up, her grandfather had lifted her in the air and let her fall to the ground.

"I'm sorry" she said, having trouble breathing and clutching her body  as she stood up, tall, and looked her master.

"Don't say you're sorry, make it right!" he roared. This time some of the sith eternals were watching and clapped when Palpatine screamed.

Rey's eyes were burning but she couldn't allow herself to cry.

"Azam, Azam, Azam" they  chanted her name, again and again, making her more angry.

She concentrated once again, when she closed her eyes she felt a tear rolling down her cheek, and it raged her to be so weak. She extender her hand and with all of her anger and throbbing pain in her head she felt the big rock.

It's surface, it's weight and her force pulling it up.

She started sweating from the effort and panicked when a lightning flashed in front of her eyes, that last shot of fear was what helped her lift the rock and throw it away.

"Good, good!" Palpatine said.

"Silence! Azam, you've done well today. You can leave but you're to come back in two hours for your next task, understood?"  His grandfather lowered to look her straight in the eye.

He could see her sweat, even blood on her lips, maybe from when he smashed against the floor or because she had bit her lips during her concentration. He smiled. He felt hate, fear, rage, she was tired, all of this emotions coming from her.

His grandaugther would be the greatest Sith of all times.

"Yes, master" she responded.

Rey tried to ignore the shivers going up and down her spine as she walked to her room again. More like her own little cave on this horrible planet, and lit up a fire to warm her up.

At least here she knew there was no one else watching her.

She examined herself, today's bruises and was glad that at least this time she hadn't broken anything. She noticed that some blood had dripped on her shirt  and then felt the sting on her lips.

She got a glass of water and quickly cleaned her open lip, she would have to remember not to touch it for at least a week until it healed.

She sat on the floor and closed her eyes for a second.

"Come on!" she heard someone say. It was a man's voice she had never heard around here. She looked around her room with fear, only to find nothing.

Maybe she was imagining things again. It sometimes happened to her, those ecoes of things that weren't happening there, or flashes of images of somewhere far away... she wondered if she was crazy.

Elsewhere

"Kylo, run faster" Snoke's voice filled all the spaces.

He ran as fast as he could, leaving behind shadows of his past.

"Faster!" Snoke shouted and the ground beneath his feet shattered a little.

Kylo's feet hurt and he was drenched in sweat, he wasn't sure how long had he ran for but it felt like hours.

This wasn't a punishment, Snoke had told him earlier, this was something he had to do because he wanted him to be better.

To overcome his pain and use it as a strength.

"Can I rest... for a moment?" Kylo asked through gritted teeth.

"No, you must keep running"

But he felt like he couldn't, he'd breath the wrong way and now he coughed, unable to breath right and he had slowed down a little.

"Come on, don't be useless.!"

He composed himslf as he could and clenched his fists forcing himself to go faster and further.

"It was good, better than last week" Snoke said when he was finally allowed to stop.

Kylo could varely stand up.

"I'm glad, master." Kylo said, collapsing and trying to hide it by adopting a respectful stance. One knee on the floor and the other bent.

"Maybe one day you'll have proper condition. Now, move. Get yourself something to eat and finish your tasks before tomorrow" Snoke order.

The sudden warth Kylo had received from his master, former friend, was now gone.

He fell to his knees when Snoke was gone and allowed himself to let out his pain.

His feet were covered in blisters, some had exloded, stinging even more.

He felt like a failure, never able to reach his true potential, never able to please his master.

It wasn't the first time he felt like this, and it grgew even more and more everyday.

In the beginning he had  found trust in Snoke, a hope for a master who wouldn't turn his back on him and actually believed in him... but then, as his training started Snoke became more and more severe with him.

And in a sick way Kylo only wanted to gain his approval.

He retired to finish his tasks and after a very  long and exhausting day he was allowed to go to sleep.

He hated sleeping. At least for the past years... after the incident at Luke Skywalker's academy he almost always had the same dream.

Luke would come at night, to his room and try to kill him in his sleep with his lightsaber, then he would wake up covered in sweat and struggle to fall back asleep again.

He wanted to go back with the knights of Ren because they didn't sleep much, or even if they did they all had weird sleeping times and their noises would distract him enough to sleep well.

He read until he fall asleep and to his surprise he dreamed of a girl, again.

He had never been able to see her face, only hear her talk, or see her sitting somewhere, dark. Always dark and cold.

This time he saw her with a knife on her hand as she did something... he couldn't walk closer but after a moment he understood that the girl was carving something with the knife.

This dream quickly changed into a memory of him hurting Henix and he woke up startled.

"Like always" he mumbled, closing his eyes again and trying to calm down.

"Azam, finish writing it and then I'll tell you the surprise" His master instructed.

This was one of the lessons that Rey hated the most. The sith language had never been easy for her, at least now she had a decent writing but still... there were words that  confused her.

"Do you want me to read it?" she stood up and showed her grandfather her notebook, she was proud.

"Go ahead"

Rey  cleared her throath thearically and began.

"I Azam, follow the Sith code, which says:  Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion I gain strength. Through strength I gain power.Through power I gain victory. Through victory my chains are broken, the froce shall free me." she finished reading as Palpatine though about his young apprentice.

"Good"

"Graandfather... what is peace?" Rey asked after a moment.

"You don't have to wonder about such thing right now, Azam." he retorted.

He lowered himself a little to take her hand.

Nothing. Just curiosity. It was good  that this was as far as her mind was going.

He liked how easy it was to read her young mind, her feelings.

"I have a surprise for you ,Azam" he then said.

"What is it?" Rey would've jump with excitement but the last time she did she was punished and since that day she had learned to keep her reactions at bay.

"Would you like your own lightsaber?"  Palpatine asked, making Rey see a quick vision of herself wilding a bright red lightsaber.

"Yes, yes. Of course, only  if you think I'm ready" she added. She had trained with a quarterstaff before and his master always reminded her that one day she'll earn her lightsaber.

"You may be, but first. I want you to do one simple thing" the cables holding him up directed him backwards.

(So... what's coming it's definately child abuse, psychological abuse. In case you are triggered by this in any way I want to warn you. I feel terrible putting Rey through this, even Ben will have to face some abuse himself but...  the story needs it. I don't think it's okay in any level, I just think it gives them a background for how I want their minds to be at and the story to evolve. That's all, keep reading if you want.)

Rey waited patiently for her master to give her instructions. Her hands wanted to tangle on her long hair, which was now loose and would help her calm down a little but she knew she couldn't.

"Come here" he called.

She didn't hesitate.

"Open your hands and extend them"

She did and suddenly she felt something, a weight, little legs pressing against her palm.

Palpatine placed his hands over hers and closed them, leaving whatever he had put in her hands trapped inside.

Only then she started to feel panick.

"Kill it" he declared.

"What... why?" Rey identified the creature as one of the rats that  roamed around the planet.

"Kill. It" Palpatine's hands started to put pressure on hers, closing more around the rat.

"Wait... wait, pleas-"

"Are you trying to defy me?!" he questioned. A lightning revealed his raised eyebrow and empty eyes.

She shivered.

"No, master. But... master, is this ne-"

His hands went to her wrists and made pressure, faint lightnings started to appear on the tip of his fingers too. She started crying without being able to stop it.

"Azam!" she wanted to shout that her name wasn't even that.

"Please... please"  she couldn't let the rat go but she couldn't crush it either.

"Are you afraid?" he quuestioned.

"Yes!"

"Do you feel bad?"

"Yes!" her eyes were closed as she cried, the pressure on her wrists was hurting her and the animal on her hands had started scratching her,t rying to get away, hurting her too.

"Why? therer's nothing to feel bad about Azam. Do it!" his hands went back to hers.

"Wait! wait, please"  Azam was breathing heavy now.

"It's you or this animal!" he shouted. The animal was now bitting Rey's skin.

She wasn't sure that her grandfather would hurt her... but she couldn't trust it either.

"Come on!" he shouted  again and again to do it.

"I- I can't" she cried and only opened her eyes when she felt a slap across her face.

"You must be angry, you must hate me in this moment, and that hate is exactly what makes you strong. Stop caring about it! This stupid creatures life has nothing to do with you, it doesn't affect you. Your power lies upon using this fear and hate to do what I've asked of you." His voice was softer.

Rey thought about it, she closed her eyes and tried to clasp her hands together. The animal's cries intensified and a smile grew on Palpatine's face.

In the end... the girl was not ready to do it.

She threw the animal away, it hit the floor pretty hard, but she hadn't put enough strength to kill it and it started running away the moment it hit the ground, only to be burn in a second by Palpatine's lightning.

"Stupid girl" he spat at Rey.

"You've dissapointed me, Azam" as he came close to her Rey started crying again.

"Shut up. You need to learn to be strong, and today you've been weak. If you keep caring like this, you're never gonna allow the force to give yo true power. Go! and I hope that you think about your actions, because sooner or later, you'll pass this test." he retired and then she ran to her room.

She cleaned her wounds and noticed the bruises on her wrists. Her reflection on the small bathroom mirror was even worst than she imagined.

Her cheek was crimson red and the wound on her lip had opened again. Then she looked at her hands, they had stopped bleeding but the scratch and bite marks would be there for a while.

Her eyes were red from the tears and her nose was irritated.

In another place of the galaxy Kylo Ren found himself staring at his hands, for no reason, and a chill went down his spine.

"Hurry  up, boy" Snoke said noticing that Kylo had stopped walking.

"Yes, master" he kept walking and tried to shake off the sudden sadness that had came over him. It felt odd, out of place, not even like it came from him.

It distracted him the rest of he way to another place where Snoke was taking him to train.

#star wars #reylo fanfic #kylo ren #adam driver #adam driver fanfic

[starlightsearches]

A New Life Pt. 4

Whoops, I said that there would be no more of the Kylo Ren soulmate AU but apparently I lied! This came to me earlier today and I had to write it. Hope you like it! 

(Here’s the first part, second part, and third part if you missed them)

Requests are closed for now ✨

Kylo Ren X female reader soulmate! AU Pt. 4

AN: Some language, and it’s vaguely NSFW towards the end! 

Ren never touched you first. Not in private, and certainly not in public. It was a compromise of some kind, you assumed, that he had made with himself. You knew he worried about it, even now—the ridiculous notion that he would somehow scare you off, that he would hurt you. So you initiated all contact, and you were gentle, and you let him be gentle. You weren’t too bothered by it. After all, there were exceptions to every rule.

When the general was around, Ren was always touching you. Holding you by the waist, resting a hand on your shoulder, at the back of your neck: if General Hux was in the room, you were never out of Ren’s reach. This was true now, too, his hand solidly on your back at your waist as you board the transport, headed to Ryyn with Phasma and the general.

It’s exciting, to finally go somewhere, to have the opportunity to be somewhere besides the Finalizer. Ren left the ship fairly often and the time you spent by yourself—sometimes for weeks on end—was . . . boring. Lonely. When he had mentioned that he would be going off base again after only returning a few days ago, you had been crushed, a feeling that had been immediately replaced with joy when he had asked if you would like to join him.

The general had grumbled, of course, when he saw that you would also be coming but you paid him no mind. He was always complaining about something, making snide remarks when you were there, and even though it drove Ren crazy, you could see through the act; the man was very obviously lonely. He tried to hide it, and did hide it successfully, from Ren and the captain. But not from you.

Against your better judgement, you liked the general, or at least, you found him interesting. He may have been rude and judgemental, but it was hard for you to take him seriously. He reminded you sometimes of the zeefas your family had kept for milk and meat back home—grumpy old animals, but harmless enough. You had a knack for working with livestock like that; it never took long before even the most stubborn of them were eating out of the palm of your hand. Apparently your charms were limited to farm life; despite the concerted effort you had put into being as inoffensive as possible, the general showed no signs of warming up to you in the slightest. Which was too bad, because part of you believed that—if he gave you a chance—you might be friends. And you’d really like to have a friend.

You take your seat on the transport, strapping in, and Ren sits beside you, only letting go of you for a moment to secure his own restraints before replacing his hand on your knee. Hux rolls his eyes, finding a seat on the other side and Phasma joins him. The anticipation in your chest only grows more potent as the pilot prepares for launch, and you can hardly wait for what was in store. You were going to Ryyn—a place you had only heard about in wild stories—to the capital city Cearrau; you would be staying in the palace there. You would meet the queen and attend the ball she would hold in honor of the First Order guests. You would wear the dress you had picked out especially for the event, blood-red and beautiful, and you would be on Ren’s arm the entire night. It was sure to be incredible.

“I still don’t see why you’re coming,” Hux says, leveling a glare in your direction, and Ren’s grip tightens on your knee. He’s ready to spit out some retort, you can tell, but you stop him with a hand gently rested on his arm.

“It’s fine,” you say quietly, and he relaxes minutely before you address the general, “I’m actually very excited for the trip, General. I think it will be interesting.” Hux scoffs in response and opens up his data pad, choosing to ignore you.

Everyone settles into their seats as the ship launches and you decide to distract yourself, pulling out your sketchpad and a stylus, tapping the end of it against your mouth, deep in thought. You could draw Ren, of course, but you had plenty of drawings of him, stacks and stacks of them—enough to cover the walls of your quarters if you wanted. You didn’t even need a reference anymore, the exact shape of his nose and the planes of his cheeks appearing easily to you from memory. You need something new, some kind of a challenge.

The general was obviously out of the question, for a number of reasons. For one, he isn’t sitting still enough for you to complete a proper sketch, shifting from one position to the next every few minutes, engrossed in something on his data pad. Plus, you’re afraid of what would happen if he caught you, what insult he would come up with that would send Ren into a rage. Not worth the risk. The captain, on the other hand, might work. 

She is lounging, her helmet resting on the wall behind her, maybe sleeping—it’s difficult to tell with the mask on, but her pose is dynamic and the reflection of the lights in her chromium armor adds depth and shadows where there are none. Your hand begins to move across the flimsi without your direction, working to capture the cool authority she always seems to emanate.

Ren dozes next to you, occasionally rolling his head to the side to check your progress, drumming his fingers lightly against your thigh in approval. The likeness is pretty good, although it’s lacking something in your opinion. You wish that you had brought your paints with you; maybe you’d have better luck communicating the shine of her armor in a different medium.

“What are you doing?” General Hux says, and you can feel the pressure of his gaze on you, although you don’t return it, still focused on the captain.

“Sketching,” you respond, adding a little depth in the background, “but I can stop if it’s bothering you.” 

“Sketching?” he asks, and for the first time since you’d met him, there is no trace of disdain in his voice. In fact, he sounds intrigued. You place the stylus behind your ear, passing him the sketchbook, and he reaches for it skeptically. You watch him closely as he studies the drawing, waiting anxiously to see how he’d react. 

“Hmm,” Hux says after a long moment, returning the book to you and studying you with his eyes narrowed, like he’s trying to read something from a distance, “Where did you learn to do that?”

“Home,” you say, trying your hardest not to seem too eager now that he had initiated a conversation, “my father was an artist.”

“I thought both of your parents were farmers,” the disdain is back, but cracking a little, a glimmer of genuine interest showing through, and you laugh gently to show that you’re not offended.

“We’re all farmers where I’m from, but he spends his free time drawing. Painting, too. I usually prefer paints, but they’re difficult to transport.” You stop yourself, looking at your drawing again, afraid that you’re rambling, and the general sits in silence for a moment, his eyes still on your sketchbook.

“I could paint you,” you venture, not wanting to lose the tenuous connection you had created,” if you want, when we get back to the Finalizer? You have such striking features; I think they’d translate well to the page.” You’re laying on the praise very thick, you know, and you’re worried it will come off as too much, but the general flushes pink, and you smile, the thrill of victory sharp in your veins. Was this all it would take to endear the general to you? To make him stop hating you? You wish you had known that weeks ago.

“That would be fine,” Hux responds, with a small cough, guarding his expression against your obvious cheer, but your spirits cannot be dampened by his apparent indifference. Pleased, you go back to sketching, another one of Ren this time, happy with the progress you’ve made with Hux. Happy, that is, until you notice that Ren had pulled away from you, releasing his grip on your leg.

The ship drops out of light speed and begins to make its approach, but you take no notice, a coldness settling beneath your skin. You nudge him gently with your knee, but there’s no response. He’s motionless, quiet, staring forward with an obstinate amount of determination, and he stays this way, avoiding you as the four of you make your way out of the transport. You can’t help but notice that Ryyn is beautiful, the warmth and the wind greeting you as you step out onto the palace grounds, but the heat the sun offers refuses to clear away any the chill you feel.

After parting with Hux and Phasma, you and Ren are led by a servant to your guest quarters, and you prattle nonsensically as you walk hoping to put the man at ease—and hoping to release some of your own nerves as well. Ren says nothing, silent as a shadow, and you watch as the palace’s other inhabitants steal glances from around corners as you pass, eager to get a glimpse of the infamous Jedi Killer.

The room is lovely—and enormous—with large, open windows and an even larger balcony, overlooking the valley below. You move tentatively towards the view, but Ren doesn’t join you, choosing instead to stand ominously in the center of the room.

“What’s wrong?” you ask, sitting on the bed and running your hand over the covers. There’s distance between you, not only physical, and you want to address it now before it grows. Was he really so mad that you had spoken to Hux?

“It’s nothing,” he says, but he’s still wearing the mask, and you assume it’s to keep you out. This is the first time you’ve seen him like this, and it’s beginning to scare you. This was how he acted with other people, not with you.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” you say, standing from the bed but moving no closer, “please? I know you’re angry with me. I want to make it right.” He faces away from you, his powerful shoulders rolling as he moves to lift the helmet from his head, discarding it on the floor with a thud. The sound makes you jump, and you watch him perceptively, hoping to read the answer to your question in his expression, but he still guards his face from you. “Why don’t you go find the general?” he says harshly, and you catch the barest glimpse of his profile as he looks over his shoulder, “since you find him so interesting.” Your jaw drops in shock.

“Are you jealous?” you ask, and he doesn’t respond, but you can tell that you’re right. Despite the tension, a smile threatens its way onto your face and you smother it with your hand.

“It’s not funny,” he says, picking up thoughts but still avoiding your eyes.

“I know it’s not,” you respond, back in control of your mind and your expression, “I’m just surprised.” He laughs, but there’s no joy in it, a short, angry sound that bounces back at you off of the polished walls. 

“I just don’t want him to hate me, that’s all,” you say, quietly. You’ve seen Ren angry before, but never like this. Never at you. But there’s something else besides anger, and that’s what scares you more. You can feel it roll off of him, see it clearly in his posture; he’s doubting your love for him.

“You know you have nothing to worry about, right? I could never want someone else the way I want you.” His shoulders relax slightly, and you’re able to breathe again, now that he’s listening to you. It’s difficult to see him this way, catching brief glimpses of his fears. He thinks you’ll leave him, but that would never happen. You repeat yourself once again, hoping that this time he’ll finally believe what you’re saying. “I only want you.”

Those words work like magic, or maybe it’s the feeling behind them, but either way the doubt is gone, and he’s facing you with a look in his eyes like pure sin, his anger transformed into something else. You hold his gaze and the intensity of it goes straight to the space between your legs, weakening you at the knees.

“How?” he asks, stalking towards you, impossibly large and your heart beats loudly in your chest. You feel for a moment in some wild part of you that you should run, but you're frozen in place, and you like it. A lot. Now this is a side of him you’ve never seen before.

“How what?” you ask; your voice shakes when you speak. He laughs, low and deep and through his teeth as he bites one glove off and then the other, a warm hand finding its way to your waist and gripping the fabric of your dress tightly, pulling you closer. The first point of contact.

“Tell me how you want me,” he whispers, staring you down with his unfathomable eyes, his tongue darting out over full, pink lips. There are no thoughts in your head now, your mind is completely empty and for a moment you try to remember how you landed yourself in this particular situation. Maybe, if you remember, you’ll be able to work him up like this again.

He steps closer, his body like a brick wall against yours and you stumble backwards, falling onto the bed with a light bounce, propped up on your elbows, still in shock that he’s acting this way, and that you don’t want him to stop. He smirks, gripping both of your knees with burning fingers, sliding his hands under the hem of your dress and climbing up your thighs, leaning in close over you to whisper in your ear.

“Tell me what you want,” he says again, and the feeling of his mouth on your ear sends vibrations through your whole body; your eyes roll back with anticipation.

“Fuck,” it’s the only word that you can think of right now, your mind wholy preoccupied by the feeling of his thumb as it traces small circles over the skin your inner thigh, inching ever higher.

“That’s what I thought,” he kisses you hard, hard enough to bruise and you moan, open-mouthed, a deep, desperate sound you had never made before.

“Shit,” you mumble, and he doesn’t give you a chance to catch your breath before he’s moving, his mouth working down your jaw and to your chest with hot, harsh kisses. You try to relax into it, into the work of his hands, still below your skirt, but he draws a yelp from you when you least expect it, biting at the skin just above your breast. He looks up at you, anger from before gone and replaced with a strident need, daring you to beg for more.

“Someone might hear,” you say quietly, your voice hitching slightly with the movement of his fingers. The windows are open after all, and with the way he’s acting, you know you won’t be able to stay quiet.

“I hope they do,” he says, nudging a space between your knees with his shoulders, finding a place between your legs. “I hope they all hear you begging for me, and I hope that by the end of it everyone on this damn planet knows that you’re mine.”

#kylo ren x you #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren fanfic #kylo ren au #soulmate au #my writing #long post

[kylorengarbagedump]

Little Bird: Chapter 31

Read on AO3. Part 30 here. Part 32 here.

Summary: The time has come to do what you promised for the Resistance. If only it hadn't taken you so long to get here.

Words: 3700

Warnings: feelings kinda

Characters: Kylo Ren x Handmaid!Reader

A/N: I know it's not Friday, but I've been so full of anxiety about this chapter that I just had to get it out!! I'm sorry. I can promise you that next week will absolutely be up on Friday, because I have a feeling it's going to take me all week and maybe more.

I want to say--I really loved the debates/discussion in the comments? I feel so fucking flattered and excited people are having differing opinions on the characters? I love that there's so much conflict evident from the responses? That makes me feel so happy!

I am so truly lucky to have folks like you in my life, I can't say enough how grateful I am how I don't ever take any of it for granted, even if I can't respond to every comment. I love y'all so much, and thank you, please stay safe and healthy. <3

Across the hall, the Knight Templar stood at attention, blank visor of his mask trained on you, as it had been for the past forty-seven and a half minutes. The wooden walls to the Council Chambers loomed to the sky, oak canopies split with skylights, the morning sun cutting stark prisms into the hardwood floors. The only break in the dust-mote silence was the rumble of privileged discussion vibrating through your back.

Given the presence of Kylo Ren, you’d somehow expected to avoid the sting of exclusion. But even the influence of the Lead Commander was not enough to justify the attendance of a woman--and especially a Handmaid--during a Council meeting. Yet, you supposed you were thankful. The near two-week’s worth of blizzard-conditions between you and your Commander had frozen any willingness to play advisor to an arctic relic. Part of you felt confident that if you’d refused, he would’ve let you off the hook, but another part wasn’t willing to see how far you could push your absence of legal rights.

Shuffling, muffled voices rising--and the doors to the Chambers opened, a menagerie of black suits filtering into the hall. You studied your shoes, the arrival of so many power-wielding men binding your ribcage, curling your toes. Even with the Templar on guard, in the swarm of Commanders, your safety dangled by unraveling thread; you could feel their eyes wandering over you like steer wandered the plains--lazy and lingering and gluttonous.

Reluctant relief trickled through you when you caught Kylo’s boots in your periphery, his footsteps scattering their stares, scaring their own feet into the halls. Another person crossed around him.

“It was a little tense in there, wouldn’t you say?”

You recognized this man’s voice--he was the silver-haired one from the party.

“I anticipated discomfort.”

The man laughed. “Oh, well, of course you did, Ren! You’ve always been very ahead of the game, that way.” He stepped closer, inviting confidence--now his voice was a murmur. “Now, I’m not saying this, as you know. But I’ve heard others… express their concerns.”

“Concerns.”

“That Gilead’s roles were created for a reason.”

Kylo spoke flatly--he didn’t care if you heard him. “Roles exist to serve specific purposes, Enric. Should a purpose arise, then it follows that a role is created to serve it.”

“The only problem is…” Enric’s voice was mollifying, as if he were telling Kylo something he didn’t already know. “We don’t create roles. God creates them. He decided your purpose just as He decided hers.” There was a pause. You saw your Commander’s foot shift. “Other Council members--not me, of course--aren’t taking as kindly to your philosophy as I am.”

“My philosophy.”

“What you’ve done with your Handmaid. And continue to do, too. Some of them are… not very happy. They consider it…” He cleared his throat, a patronizing acknowledgement of your presence. “Inappropriate.”

Your face burned. Perhaps two weeks ago, you might have agreed. But since you’d kicked Kylo out of your room, he hadn’t so much as laid a finger on you or shared a word greater than a single syllable. His presence was now accompanied by a heavy vow of paralyzing silence--a recognition that the other existed, but only as living memory. This should have brought relief, should have forced your attachment to him to wilt like an unwatered fern, decaying in the graveyard of one thousand other hopes you’d tied to the space he occupied in your mind.

Instead, it had festered, a viney weed, writhing through your veins, its roots puncturing your heart when it dared to beat in his shadow. It was only in his deliberate absence that you could feel the pain of your reality, like he’d been opium, numbing you to the knowledge of anything but him. You ached for him more now than you ever had--you’d tried to sleep, chest cracked open, a torrent of loneliness emptying into the night--and knew that it was for this very reason that you needed to deny him.

After all, when you returned home, you’d be meeting with Rey on your walk. And you’d be handing over the switchblade to the Resistance.

“The Eyes are welcome to an investigation,” Kylo replied. “There are no reading materials or writing implements available. Her suggestions will be provided during a once-weekly meeting which my Wife will attend.”

You swallowed. You hoped you’d be free before that happened.

Enric sighed. “But the dress. Dragging her along with your soldiers.” He paused, humming in thought. “To be honest, even I think she gets special attention.”

Kylo’s tone betrayed an inch of irritation. “And even a dog is provided with a reward for its obedience,” he said. “She is in uniform today and before the Council now to provide proof of my intention.”

“Well, I’m sure the Council will begin to understand. You know how difficult it is for these types to tolerate change. The Cambridge Press decided to capitalize a single letter in First John earlier this year and they lost it.” Enric stepped away, and then doubled back with a pause. “As long as you’re not forgetting her true purpose.”

“No,” Kylo replied. “A Ceremony is scheduled for two days from now.”

Your breath shorted. If the Resistance was wrong about the value of your knife, in two nights you’d lie in Johana’s lap, and Kylo Ren would fuck you as if you didn’t exist. The thought made you dizzy, made your stomach churn.

“There you go,” he said. “As long as you’re doing everything you’re supposed to, you’ll be fine. The Eyes might be snooping around your house, but all you need to do is be prudent.” A laugh. “That shouldn’t be a problem for you, though.”

“No.” Kylo couldn’t have sounded more unimpressed if he had tried.

An expectant silence fell between the two men, and Enric coughed to clear the awkwardness. “In a couple weeks, then.”

“Yes.”

With that, he walked off, footsteps echoing from the wooden halls as he left you, your Commander, and the Knight as the only souls outside of the Council Chambers. A soft exhale escaped Kylo’s nose, and he stepped forward--the weight of his gaze was on you, but you refused to meet it.

“Go,” he said. You assumed he was speaking to the Knight, who moved without another word--what was it like being a warrior turned glorified babysitter? “Come.”

You stood, keeping your eyes to the ground while you followed his lead through the vacant, sunlit corridors of City Hall. This end of the building was decidedly older than the front--it creaked with exhaustion as you navigated its floors, as if it, too, had grown tired of the constant political discourse within its walls. Kylo Ren turned into a staircase, descending with the same pace as his stride--you struggled to keep up with him at this rate, unable to stop yourself from admiring when he reached the bottom and turned the corner into the basement hall.

Since the night at the hotel, he’d abandoned his previous attire of suits, ties and white shirts--he now wore black almost entirely, from his dress shirt to his trousers, which more often than not ended up stuffed into knee-high leather boots. He’d also taken to wearing the coat you’d seen during the Salvaging, its tapered cut somehow making his frame even larger, more imposing than it had been before. The coat in particular was a strange choice during the summer--but you knew why he wore it, keeping others uncertain about what it might or might not conceal.

In the basement, the air grew thin and cold, the halls illuminated now only by dim fluorescent lamps. Kylo stopped at a large wooden door, fishing a key from his pocket and popping the lock. He pushed inside, holding it open for you as you followed him in--he released it, and with a pneumatic whine, it slammed behind you. You squeaked, leaping back, swallowed now in darkness.

You heard the click of the lock--then Kylo’s footsteps on concrete as he crossed the room. A ceiling lamp flickered on, revealing what you could only describe as a records room. Shelves lined the walls, floor to ceiling, manila folder files stuffed into them like recycled news. Your lungs stilled looking at them--there were hundreds, thousands of these folders, all labeled with four-digit numbers. Swallowing, you thought of the tattoo at your ankle--1104--and heat rushed your skin.

These were files on Handmaids.

Dread dug into you, head on a swivel as you soaked in the enormity of the identities contained within these piles of paper. Uncountable bodies of women reduced to nothing but a combination of integers in a locked room in the basement of City Hall. Your heart thumped against your sternum. This was not something you were supposed to see.

Kylo meandered along the shelves, searching the tabs, his brow furrowed in focus. You crossed your arms, ignoring the quickening leap of your pulse, thoughts racing. Why had he brought you here? He was supposed to be proving to the Council that your relationship wasn’t inappropriate--and here you were, alone with your Commander in a room almost certainly forbidden to the large majority of Gilead.

“Five-seven-two-four.”

His long fingers plucked the folder from where it was wedged at the bottom shelf and he rose to his full height--the sight still stole your air. Stone-faced, Kylo flopped open the file, cradling it in the crook of his elbow as he flipped to the first page.

“Five-seven-two-four.” He stepped toward you--an involuntary shiver raced up your spine--and tilted it into your line of sight. “Tera Jackson.”

You blinked, looking between him and the text, inching closer to read. It was the facesheet of a dossier on Tera Jackson: birthdate, hometown, education level, allergies, Biblical violation (affair with a married man). You skimmed the document, confused as to why he’d risked both of your skins just to show you a piece of paper. Then you spotted the bottom of the page, three spaces designated to list Commander assignments. The first and only name: Armitage Hux.

“Ofarmitage,” you breathed, and gaped at Kylo. “Her name was Tera Jackson.”

He said nothing, but pushed the front page from its packet, holding it out to you. Hesitating to grab it, you gazed into his eyes. They were tired and sincere.

This was his way of apologizing. Your heart stuttered, skipped, a suffocated warmth welling in your belly. That he’d thought to do it at all was enough to fracture your resistance, but the fact that he’d done something so forbidden to demonstrate concrete proof of her identity, that he wasn’t fabricating a document to placate you, that it was his own admission that she had been a person, and she had been real--you choked on it, cheeks smothered in flames.

“Commander…” The urge to say his name lingered on your tongue; you reached for the paper--and paused. You couldn’t continue to detour down a pointless road. It would only make the inevitable more painful. You dropped your hand. “I can’t have something like this.”

“Then I’ll keep it.”

“Well.” You bit your lip, averting your gaze. “I… I don’t want it.”

“You do.” His voice was soft. “Her file will be cycled through at the end of the month. Take it.”

Frowning, you glanced between him and the paper. To deny it out of pride would be to deny Tera the chance to be remembered in tangibility--something every Handmaid, every person deserved, regardless of what they’d done to survive. You admitted that part of it was proving to yourself that you deserved it, too.

But you couldn’t take the whole page. Jaw tight, you took it from his hand, creased a line around the section with her name and birthdate and tore it free. You stuffed it into your sleeve, avoiding his eyes as you returned the rest.

Silence hung, cave crystals dripping remnants of stifled need onto your skin, small glittering droplets of iridescent understanding that stained you with shimmering agony. You ached to thank him, to tumble, broken, into his arms, to gaze intohis eyes and see yourself there, found and whole. But under Gilead, you could never have him in the ways he’d had you. And you could never be grateful to the devil for his grace.

Kylo Ren returned the folder to its shelf and stood, snuffing a sigh. “Store it in your room before your walk.”

All you did was nod.

The walk to the building and drive home was spent without words. Only twice did you sneak a glance at Kylo during the ride--the first was when he rolled the edge of the wheel against his large palm, face drawn in focus as he downshifted into a tight turn. The second was when he pulled into the driveway, the muscle under his eye fluttering and brow falling for split seconds, an acknowledgement that here was where you parted ways.

You swallowed, peeking at his hand still rested on the gearshift, then stared at your own, imagining the strength of his grip enveloping you, grounding you to something other than misery. The gentle grumble of the cooling engine died in the air.

Would a true devil place his own power at risk for the benefit of another? Perhaps it just seemed unfair that the only man who had ever made you feel sacred was the same man who’d desecrated you, too.

“Thank you,” you mumbled, and before he could think to respond, you opened the door and escaped into the house.

As you returned to your room, your hands trembled with the impending reality of your decision. A few days after Tera’s death, you’d received a message in the market from Rey and arranged for this meeting. There’d been no earlier time available--which was fine, you imagined that as one of the main women in the movement, her undercover operations were in high demand--and now that the day had arrived, you were floundering with anxiety. Certainly, some of it was the fear that you’d be implicated, too, though the Resistance seemed confident they could protect you from that.

Most of it was that despite your resolution, guilt sat like mercury in your belly, heavy and viscous. Kylo Ren deserved this--he deserved retribution, deserved whatever condemnation his future might hold.

But still you craved, as you might forever, a reality where the only condemnation he would receive was to your bed, where the rays of his future would merge with yours, coalesce in a brilliant spectrum of light, ultraviolet and perpetual. In true reality, those rays crashed ephemeral for jagged, resplendent moments--only to streak alone through the sky, parallel for eternity.

In your room, you stowed the slip of paper with Tera’s name and birthdate between the tiny crevice in your dresser where wood joined wood. In that same drawer under your spare undergarments was the switchblade, in the space you’d placed it over three weeks ago. Kylo had never come for it or sought its return. You supposed he considered it yours. Swallowing the wad of betrayal in your throat, you grabbed the knife and stuffed it up your sleeve.

After adjusting your boots and wings, you skipped down the steps and headed toward the kitchen to grab your shopping bag. When you crossed the threshold, you were met with Johana, tending to the little garden she kept above the sink. She spun at the sound of your feet, her blue eyes glowing against the stark cobalt of her dress, and she regarded you in silence, as she had for the past two weeks. You knew she was no idiot--she must have known you and the Commander were no longer speaking, but it had done nothing to thaw the frost between you this time.

“Just coming to get my bag, ” you muttered, stepping past her and toward the pantry.

“Did you--” She paused, lips tight over her teeth. “There’s an addition. To what we need today.”

You cleared your throat, forcing a smile in an attempt to be congenial. “Oh. Um. Well… I sure hope it’s not butter.”

She raised a brow. “Butter?”

“Yeah...” Your cheeks blazed with embarrassment. Why had you expected her to remember that? “I just. Forgot it. One time…”

“Ah.” Johana scanned you, releasing a sigh through her nose. “I’m sure whatever I said at that time was only half-warranted.” Her cheeks went pink, and she glanced at the wall. “Not that it matters.”

Her awkwardness was making your heart race. “Um. Yeah.” You chewed your lip. “So… the addition…”

She blinked. “Oh. Right.” Shaking her head, she stood on the tips of her toes, opening the cabinet above the stove. “I noticed we’re out of vegetable oil. Emma forgot to dictate it. So. Vegetable oil.”

“Right.” You nodded. “I’ll get it.”

“Good.” Johana considered you again, gaze traveling from your feet to your eyes, then breaking away. “Anyway.” She shifted, returning to the sink. “I suppose I’ll see you for the Ceremony in a couple nights.”

Another wave of nausea washed over you. You hoped she wouldn’t. “Yep. I… I guess so.”

“I know you might not...” She paused, and shrugged a shoulder, pruning a leaf from one of her herbs. “It’s what God wants. It’s nothing personal.”

You swallowed. “I know, Ms. Johana.”

If you remained on this subject any longer, you absolutely would throw up. Johana glanced over her shoulder, meeting your eyes--almost pitying. You bowed your head, ears hot, striding toward the front door.

“Wait--”

Johana grabbed your arm--her eyes widened, and she froze, face screwed in confusion as she squeezed you. Terror crashed through your spine. You both stood there, paralyzed, each now keenly aware of her accidental discovery of the blade inside of your sleeve. Throat closing, you didn’t dare to breathe, instead forcing your gaze from where her hand clutched you to meet her eyes.

“What is that.” Her nails pinched your forearm as she jerked you forward, surprising strength in her little body. “What is that--”

You wrenched back as she tried to dig into your dress, flailing as you tossed her off. Exhaling, you stepped away, holding your hands up in submission as she gazed at you in horror.

“Hold on!” you said. “Hold on. I’ll…” You had no other option. “I’ll show you.”

With two fingers, you slipped into your sleeve and revealed the knife, rotating it like a showpiece in a museum. Her jaw tightened, brow drawn low.

“Why do you have a switchblade?”

Your chin trembled. “For protection.”

“Protection. Sure.” She snorted, holding out her palm. “You’re not killing anyone in this house. Hand it over.”

Shaking your head, you took a step back. “No.”

Her face scrunched in anger, and she swatted for it. “Give it--”

“No!” You shielded it with your palms, raising it above your head. “I--I can’t!”

She huffed in dismissal, raising an eyebrow. “What do you mean you can’t?”

Your fingers quaked, the weapon wobbling in your grip. “It’s…” You weren’t sure of what you were about to say. But you couldn’t think of a single lie that she would believe. “We staged the coup. The Commander and I. This is the one of the only things that… that proves it.”

Johana blinked, drew her hand back as she gazed at you, thoughts loud behind her eyes. Her lips parted in disbelief. “You’re working with the Resistance.”

“Yes.” You swallowed your fear. “I am.”

Breath rattled in her chest, and she stared. “You’re turning him in.”

“I am.”

Her face fell into a scowl. “Well. How--how could you?” She fumbled for the words, like they stung her tongue. “He’s… He isn’t... the most kind man, perhaps, or the most Godly--”

You rolled your eyes. “He’s not Godly at all.”

“But he still deserves respect.”

“Respect? For what?”

“For being your Commander.”

You threw your hands into the air, exasperated. “Why are you defending him?” you exclaimed, stepping closer. “You deserve more than this! More than how he treats you!” As you spoke, you weren’t sure who in the room those words were actually meant for. “Help me bring him down. Work with me. We don’t have to live like this.” A pause, voice falling to a murmur, and your hand fell to your side. “We can be free.”

Johana paused, as if she had never considered the possibility, and stepped back, gaze falling. For long, motionless moments, she stared at the blade gripped in your loose fist, the fire in her pupils guttering to cold, empty desperation. A slow breath escaped her nose, her throat knocking as she swallowed. Another breath, and tears glossed her eyes--she blinked them away, pinning her lips together.

“I…”

She shivered, looking at you. For a flicker, you saw her--the woman who existed, wholived before you, before Kylo Ren, before Gilead--treading deadly water, gasping for respite. Johana’s focus drifted over your dress, then wandered to hers. Like a match, fury flashed her face, and in a swift snake movement, she snatched the blade from your hand.

“--will never betray Gilead.”

You squealed, grabbing for it, but she darted underneath you, skittering toward the hall, popping the blade free and thrusting it toward you. Her face was tight with bitter rage.

“I don’t care what happened with him. You’ve only known him for a few months,” she hissed. “I’ve been married to him for three years.” Her hand was shaking, her voice cracking like plaster. “You have no idea what I’ve endured. And I’ll be damned if you screw it up for me.”

“Johana,” you pleaded, “wait--”

“Don’t force my hand,” she said, jabbing the air. “If you even breathe another word about some Resistance nonsense, I’ll have you taken by the Eyes. I don’t care what the Commander says.” She glanced over you one final time and pushed the blade back, shoving it in her pocket before turning to leave. “And remember the vegetable oil.”

You stood, empty-handed, listening to her footsteps disappear down the hall, mind a miasma. There’d be no escape from this, now, not from this house, not from that man, not from the hovering humiliation of the Ceremony in two nights. She’d taken your only lifeline to freedom. And you somehow doubted that another one might appear.

#kylo ren smut #kylo ren x reader #kylo x reader #kylo ren imagine #kylo ren #kylo trash #little bird #handmaid au #fanfiction problems #wew lads I'm just exhausted

[nurseofren]

Keeping Your Promise - Chapter 23

Read on AO3

Read chapter twenty-two

Title: Choice

Words: 8200

Summary: When one is hurt, comfort is imperative.

ST Rambles: Hello! It has been nearly a month, not quite, but I have missed you all so entirely too much to admit. This story is my heart, and sharing it means the world to me. I took my first exam of the semester this morning and wanted to finish this chapter so I could upload prior to going to my first maternal-newborn clinical rotation on Saturday.

During my time away I have had the opportunity to read many amazing works, whether they be one-shots on tumblr or ficlets right on A03. One that has evoked such a strong response in me has been Three Blind Tooke by ElmiDol. She is a beautiful soul with such a gift for storytelling. I have quickly fallen in love with this story and I hope to encourage many of you to do the same.

My plan for the semester and writing is to take one week writing and then take one week to read the stories that I want. I think this will provide the necessary balance needed for me to be successful in school while also creating and enjoying other creator's content.

[MASTERLIST]

Time has always had a funny way of making itself scarce when needed most. It seemed that you could barely remember the trial, like it had never happened and all that remained to prove that it had were the restraints locked tight around each of your wrists and your neck. Above you sounded the molten, fatal buzz of the plasma guillotine, though it was mere background noise to the riotous cacophony of the rabid crowd awaiting your final moment. As you knelt, trembling against the icy durasteel, face frozen under cold-stuck tears, you tried and failed to settle into acceptance that this would be your last act of life.

“Please,” you whimpered, unsure if anyone could hear you, “I… I saved that man’s life. I didn’t hurt anyone. I don’t deserve to die for keeping my oath.” You tried to scream but the pleads were barely whispers.

Out of sight came a bellowed laugh, full and ragged just as it had been in the past. “That isn’t why you’re here, young officer.” Snoke could hardly contain his glee. “You’re forgetting, you may have saved one life, but you took another.”

Nausea waved through you and your head started pounding; Snoke’s presence was pain, magnified with each echo of his words as the arena shook against the surround sound. An uproar of cheers and chanting came from before you, the crowd booming with enthusiasm, hanging off of every word their Supreme Leader spoke.

Through the fog of terrified eyes you saw an image appear behind the audience, scaling the entire back wall and striking you with rage. A scrollbar read something you could only assume to be his First Order given name, your focus too centered on the enormous projection of Robbie’s face, smiling while he held his helmet tight against his chest. He looked too nice, just as he’d seemed when you gave him a name. He was being renowned as a hero, his death marking you as the villain.

“I… He! I was defending myself, he was going to kill me!”

“But instead you killed me.”

This voice was angelic, familiar and welcoming in the storm surrounding you. It was accompanied by the footsteps you’d become so fond of, coming closer with every panted breath that fell from your lips. Kylo crowded your view of the blinding screen, a cape trailing in his path. He stopped when he was centered in your view and crouched so he was eye level with you.

He wore no mask, nothing to conceal his beautiful visage as the sight of him constricted your heart. When was the last you’d seen him? It felt like it had been so long, yet you could barely grasp any concept of time. It was frustrating, like you were barred in your memory. Kylo’s face gave no indication into his emotions, yet for a fleeting moment you swore you saw a tear glint over his cheek.

“Yet another of your victims, yes?” Snoke remained hidden, his voice shifting between your ears, slithering like the snake he was.

“You made me! I had no-,”

“Choice.” It was a discordant wrath of voices; at first Kylo’s, then Snoke’s, trailing off with the whispers of Robbie’s and Mason’s.

Kylo brought one hand, bare and freezing, to your cheek. It hadn’t been there before, but his face was now split with the consequences of battle, a gash – open, pulsating, and weeping – ripping through his features. A shiver sank into you, you throat tightening.

The way in which he next breathed your name made you weep, his thumb catching the tear that burned into your skin. “You’ve always had a choice, remember? You just keep making-,”

“The wrong ones.” You finished his sentence, remembering the first time he’d said it. A futile attempt was made to reach for his hand, a sting coming as the restraint bit into your wrist.

The crowd was growing impatient, hordes of screams coming from behind Kylo’s shoulders. The screen behind him shifted to present the live cast of your suffering, the view suggesting that it was Kylo’s own eyes giving view to the onlookers, your face excruciatingly close, allowing every audience member to bask in the terror that plagued you.

You sniffled, nuzzling into his hand and looking between his eyes. He mimicked you, though his gaze was empty, just as it had been one of the last times you could remember seeing him. “I trusted you,” he said. “More than anything.”

Kylo began to leave you, his fingertips lingering just before he could take three steps backwards. The plasma blade above you began hissing louder with inevitability, your eyes squeezing shut as you awaited your sentence’s completion. Pain took root in your left upper thigh, a kind of burning as you continued to kneel. A string of agony tore through your throat as your eyes shot open to see Kylo’s hand shoot up.

“No, no! Please! Kylo, no!” You could see your face twist with desperation behind him now, tears willful in their presence as each one painted creaks of pain down to the durasteel.

Snoke let out another flood of evil-tinged amusement as Kylo turned his face toward the direction the sound came. “You still don’t understand, stupid girl.” Another bark of laughter. “You might have had a choice,” he said, “but your Master never did. Never will.”

And as they were spoken, you saw that crushing glimmer of humanity flicker in the face of Kylo Ren as he turned back to you. Snoke, infuriatingly, was right, of course. Hearing it out loud, accepting it as fact, calmed you down. Staring up at him, watching his fingers twitch, you spent your last remaining second pitying him for all the control he believed he had, knowing more than he did that it was a masterful mirage. Snoke had Kylo wrapped around his finger; you had only aided in tightening his grip.

More than anything. It was the last thought before you heard the overhead blade drawing near, its volume immense until it wasn’t. The next thing you were aware of was the overbearing smell of flatcakes wafting into your nostrils. Taking a few deep breaths, your attention went to the ache twisted into the back of your skull, the dryness sticking to your lips, and the warm weight present over your right leg.

Taking one more deep breath, you coughed, lungs feeling like they’d been stagnant for a while, rejecting the stretch of air. Light was obvious even as your eyes remained shut, its overwhelming presence leading you to blink a few times before adapting.

“Where am I?” you croaked out. Answering your question, you first saw the familiar polygon meal tray sitting atop a bedside table while your watch rested next to it, next catching view of the pulse oximeter resting over your left index finger. This was the medbay.

The first thing that came to mind was your dream, remembering Kylo’s wounded face. He was hurt. Where was he? Was he okay? The monitor to your left sounded louder as your heart rate accelerated. Warmth left your right leg as you saw something move in your periphery. A person.

Mason had been asleep, his hair stuck to his face when he first looked at you with shock and relief. “You scared me!” He sprung up from the chair he’d been sitting in and flung his arms around you. “The news about Starkiller came and I didn’t know where you were.” He hummed your name into your neck while rocking you back and forth. “I thought you were… I thought you had… I didn’t know…”

“Mason.” It was all you could think to say, your arms resting at your side as he kept his hold on you. Maybe you should’ve felt relief that he was here and that he was okay, but all you could feel was regret and an overwhelming sadness. Mason was none the wiser, but his very existence was a reminder of what you’d done, undeniable proof of the choice you’d made.

He finally leaned back, keeping his hand locked around yours and staring down at you with red-rimmed eyes. He ran a shaky hand through his hair, his nerves settling more the longer he looked over your face. “I tried calling you—” a laugh accompanied the distant raise of his brows “—but I lost my commlink. I guess. I actually don’t know-,”

“What?” you interrupted his explanation, confused by his recall of events, wondering why Snoke wasn’t the focal point of his reasoning.

His face fell. “What? Did I say something? Are you hurt? Do you need water? Food? I actually ordered some flatcakes for me, but they’re all yours if you-,”

“You lost your commlink?”

His brow creased and his thumb brushed over your knuckles. “Yeah? Yeah. I mean. I guess. It’s been crazy around here today and—” his face bloomed in horror “—oh, fuck! I didn’t mean that your day hasn’t been bad, I just. Yeah. I lost it.”

He didn’t seem like he knew anything about Snoke, or that he remembered ever enduring the pain you’d heard him scream through the communication device earlier – actually, how long had it been?

“So… There was nothing… I mean, you weren’t… Summoned? Or…?”

“Summoned?” Mason looked at you with amused confusion. “I’m pretty sure they didn’t give you any pain medicine, but you’re acting a little loopy.”

He didn’t know. He was blissfully ignorant to Snoke’s involvement in your or his life. Again, instead of relief you were met with that bleakness from before. “Maybe I was just dreaming,” you brushed it off.

Dreaming. Kylo. “I need to see him,” you mumbled, moving to stand and becoming extremely aware of your left leg once more. A hiss left you before Mason could pull your shoulders back against the bed, your hand reaching down to soothe the blanket-covered wounds.

“Not so fast,” he said. “Doctor Belkar wants to examine you before you start walking.”

“Belkar?” You couldn’t remember ever hearing that name, though your memory may not be the most reliable at the moment.

“I heard my name.” A man – shorter, skinny, and dark-skinned – peered into the door before knocking and stepping in. “Oh, good! Glad to see you’re awake. You had us worried there for a moment.” Belkar took a few more steps so he was on your left, clutching a datapad under his arm and smiling down at you. His presence was comfortable and professional. He seemed to possess a bedside manner not common of many physicians, and he’d barely even spoken.

Squinting towards his badge you found his first name. “Trace Belkar.” You sounded it out, feeling a faint sense of familiarity. Looking to his face, it finally struck you. “Oh! You’re, you are the one who… You helped me with my friend earlier.” Warmth set in your cheeks when you realized you knew him.

“Ah! My first surprise patient of the day. Funny how things seem to come full circle, isn’t it? Now-,”

Further realization hit. “You also helped me that night. I was the nurse who…” Maybe he didn’t remember who you were, and maybe he didn’t need to, given your actions that night were rather infamous currently.

“Yes! I knew you looked familiar seeing you yesterday. You are the nurse that saved my patient’s life. Great work that night, by the way. Fast-thinking, resourceful. Gives me hope for the next generation of medics.” A quick smile flashed across his face before he reached into his coat pocket. “Now, if you don’t mind following my finger with your eyes.”

It probably took too long for you to follow his request as you were taken aback by his praise for that night. The only emotions you’d ever attached to that it had been pain and fear, likely influenced by the way you were being reprimanded at the moment, thinking of that night as a crime rather than the miracle that it was for that man.

“Um, yes. Sorry.” You shook your head and followed the tip of his finger as he dragged it around – up and down, right to left, and finally in a diagonal cross.

“Any nausea, pain, weakness, dizziness, headaches?” His tone was absent while he traced his penlight in and out of sight to finish his PERRLA assessment.

“I’m really fine. This isn’t necessary at all.” You couldn’t stand being treated like a patient. Even when you were one. Knowing the inner workings of every check made it difficult not to see through their purpose. “I could probably leave now and I’d be fi-ah!” You’d tensed your wounded leg without thinking when shifting in the bed.

“How’s that leg treating you?” It seemed he was psychic in his assumptions, though you knew he’d probably had a nurse do a head-to-toe assessment while you were out.

Mason was puzzled when you looked over at him. “What’s wrong with her leg? She passed out. What’s wrong with her-,”

“Mason, will you go find me some water? And maybe a warm blanket? Please.” Your eyes were locked with Belkar’s as you quieted Mason, mindlessly squeezing his hand to encourage his leave. Mason did not need to see your brand. He wouldn’t understand, and you didn’t feel like having to explain to him, that you felt deserving of it and much worse.

There was a silent moment as you watched Belkar and felt Mason’s eyes before he squeezed your hand back and told you he’d be back soon. The door shut behind him and the quiet swallowed you.

“From what I read in your chart it seemed you’d given yourself a makeshift dressing. Your nurse was actually impressed at how well it was done. I do have some questions about the scars under it, though. If you don’t mind.” He seemed to know to tread lightly; his demeanor reminded you of the one you were instructed to use on abuse survivors.

You shook your head, but this only clued you into another pain. “Jeez! Ow!” Your hand fled to your forehead, finding a bandage sealed over a large bump. It was tender to touch, flinching as you remembered Robbie banging your head into the door.

Belkar took his datapad from under his arm and tapped away as you recovered. “There.” He pressed the screen once more before returning it to its original spot. “The nurse should be in here soon with some-,”

“I don’t want it.” You swallowed, dropping your hand and staring at your lap.

Belkar paused and shifted in his stance. He clicked his tongue, put his datapad down, and pulled up a chair. He called you by your last name, professional yet with a considerable amount of concern. “Will you tell me what caused your injuries?”

He was attempting therapeutic communication. And he was succeeding. An uncomfortable laugh left you. “What is there to tell? I’m hurt. In ways that aren’t physical. Ways that are.” Your lip began to quiver before you caught it with your teeth.

Another pause from Belkar. His hand twitched and your eyes jumped to it. He noticed this. “Can I hold your hand?”

The offer was tempting, but you declined by shaking your head and finally looking up at him. There were crinkles splayed outward from his eyes and gray hairs obvious in an overgrown stubble on his cheeks. He was a kind soul, you could tell; it was evident in his eyes, clear and green yet full of warmth. Soon after setting eyes on him you felt your throat thicken and your eyes water.

“You know,” you laughed, scraping at your eyes and sniffling, “I don’t even know what I’d say to any of the questions you mentioned before.”

A kind smile, no teeth, brought his cheeks up. “How about just one, then?”

“Yeah. One. I guess.”

He made sure your eyes were on his before he spoke again. “Do you want to report the person who did this to you?”

Another nervous laugh left. And then a sob before the heels of your hands met your face. “That’s not necessary,” you said through hiccuped words. Robbie’s face flashed into your mind’s eye, the pool of blood spreading below him before the door hissed shut. Your dream, the screen presenting his smiling face. “I… I don’t even know what to do anymore! I can’t… I have… I can’t fix this!”

Belkar squeezed your hand, bringing you back to reality. His face was blurry through your tears. “Slow down. Just breathe. Shh. Slow down.” He modeled how to do so, exaggerating when he took a deep breath through his nose.

After several breaths you closed your eyes and threw your head back on the pillow, keeping your hand in Belkar’s. “I’m sure you’ve seen the scars? Or read about them at the least, right? And then I know you were the one who caught me before I passed out so you obviously know who I work for.”

“Are those two things related?” He was trying not to assume anything.

“All that matters is that this—” you gestured to your head “—and this—” you placed a gentle hand over your wrapped thigh, petting a thumb over it “—are unrelated.” Belkar knew not to speak when you choked on your tears in search of words you weren’t even sure you wanted to say. “I was… Someone broke into my residence just before the explosion. And he.” You paused again, feeling Belkar’s grip tighten and relax over your trembling hand. You cleared your throat. “I was taken advantage of. He went down with the base. It would be pointless to report when the perpetrator is already dead.” Bloodied scissors flashed into your memory before you looked back up to Belkar.

He nodded, placing his second hand over yours. The warmth was welcome, and surprising. “Should I order an emergency contraceptive or a spermicide?” There wasn’t a fraction of discomfort when he asked the question. Complete care and professionalism. He felt safe.

“No, I don’t need that. I had a chip placed last year.” You ran your tongue over your teeth, swallowing before speaking again. “But, um. I was wondering if…”

“Yes?”

“Commander Ren,” you said, searching his eyes for judgment, “is he… How is he?” Your bottom lip would need to heal from chewing it so much.

Another warm, small smile lifted on Belkar’s face. “It’s admirable, your passion for his care. Even in your current state. Even with those wounds you only care about his wellbeing.” Fire bit at your face, your eyes falling back to the bed. “It’s the mark of a true healer. Setting aside your own pain to lessen someone else’s. Your patient’s.”

“Yeah, well,” you raised your eyebrows, “do you know how he’s doing?”

“Before I came in to examine you, I was actually on my way to see Commander Ren. Would you like to come with me?”

“I should probably…” You trailed off, finally feeling relief when thinking about seeing Kylo and avoiding Mason. “Do you think I can walk? How did the nurse say I was healing?”

Belkar scooted out from the chair and stood, offering you a hand for support. “I actually would prefer you start walking now to discourage clotting. It’s likely you can leave here tonight once its officially been twenty-four hours since your admission.”

He made sure to fix your gown so you weren’t exposed while standing before you could tie the lower fastener. He kept a hand lightly placed over your mid-back, the other now holding your hand. “How long has it been since I got here?”

He started you on a slow pace and you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. Robbie may have been the one to die, but death took residence in you; a bruise splotched out over your forehead, your hair flat and knotted, exhaustion shadowing your eyes. There were multiple bruises lining your arms, their origin a mystery, though you could only suspect a majority had come from the crowd of people you’d stormed through the stairwells with. The one injury you’d grown to cherish was masked by the ill-fitting white and grey patterned gown, the article most definitely shielding an additional multitude you were still unaware of.

“The Command Shuttle arrived soon after Starkiller exploded. Ren was transferred to medbay in less than a minute and began treatment within the next five upon arrival. You fainted before then.” He led you into the hall and began walking through the maze of bustling hallways. “You’ve been resting for nearly sixteen hours.”

“Sixteen. Stars.” The pain in your leg lessened the more you walked, seeing the faces of coworkers who last saw you that fateful night.

“We monitored your intracranial pressure for the first few hours, but it seems you were only severely exhausted and mildly dehydrated. Understandably, of course.” He took a familiar left turn and the entrance to the Elite medbay came into view. “I had entered orders to start you on oral antibiotic therapy as soon as you woke up, completely a prophylactic measure, but it won’t affect anything to hold off for now.”

Belkar swiped his badge across the scanner and the doors hissed open, your heart now thumping in your chest. The last time you’d seen Kylo, you’d assumed would be the last time. Even as you kept forward, nerves twisting your intestines, you couldn’t deny the need you felt to see him again. It scared you, though, imagining how he’d react to your presence.

“Um, maybe this is a bad idea. I don’t think Commander Ren needs any more visitors than necessary.” You stopped Belkar just before he swiped to open the door to your Master’s exclusive medbay.

“It’s a good thing neither of us are visitors.” The door shot open. “We’re his providers.” Belkar stepped past the threshold. “He wouldn’t mind either way,” you followed in after him, hesitant while you stared down at the floor, “I placed him in a therapeutic coma to keep him from disturbing the stitching in his wounds.”

This news brought your eyes up as you entered the room and felt the door shut behind you. Kylo Ren, outfitted in the same gown as you, was supine on the bed, unconscious. Peaceful. His gown was left unsnapped at the shoulders, a blanket resting above his hips and tucked under his wrists. The assessment table had been replaced, an IV pole set up on his left side, a monitor reading off the contents and status of the three current running fluids: metronidazole, normal saline, and a third – separate – line running a bag of packed red blood cells. Kylo was breathing on his own, though there was an intubation kit ready on the bedside table, you noticed while routinely scanning the room for necessary emergency intervention equipment.

Belkar rid the distance between him and Ren, your own feet stopping just before the door. The physician looked at you with a creased brow but quickly dissolved his expression as he accepted your decision. After setting his datapad down he gently peeled back Kylo’s gown, resting it over the blanket and then gesturing towards him with his hands.

“The coma was a last resort,” he began. “Commander Ren was exhibiting signs of delirium when my team began his care. After nearly two hours of noncompliance I wrote a STAT order to initiate it.” Belkar sighed, this fact disappointing to him.

“When you say delirium…” Your hands strangled in and out of fists, nervous fingers smoothing over the fabric of your gown while you looked on at your sleeping patient.

The physician’s mouth had settled into somewhat of a pout, considering your question. “Ren’s health history was scattered and scant in the archives, virtually nothing resembling a family history. It was most likely the physical trauma that caused it, but…” Belkar turned his body to you while keeping his eyes on Kylo. “Whenever any of the nurses or techs would attempt to orient him during those first two hours he kept telling us he’s dead.”

A single step took you further from the door. “Was.. Did he ever say who he was talking about? A name?” This information confounded you, leaving you to wonder whose death could possibly matter so much to Kylo Ren that he’d recount while his mental defenses were weakened?

A deeper, more frustrated sigh left Belkar. “There’s been so little time and the staff is already so overworked with all the new admissions.” He uncovered one of Kylo’s legs and checked the placement and setting of the compression device wrapped around it. “I appointed a droid to sift through the archives to find anything, to see if there was any information on a Ben.”

“Ben?”

“That’s who we assume is dead, as he kept repeating.”

“You assume? What does that mean?” Another step and your eyes shot to the vitals monitor, seeing his heart rate was in the low fifties. Bradycardic, hence the fluids.

“The two phrases came sporadically. At times he would say the name, and whenever any of the care team would ask him who Ben was…”

“They’d suddenly be at a loss for words?”

Belkar’s mouth quirked for half a second, falling quickly when he shifted the blanket back to its original place. “I suppose that’s one way to put it.” He looked at you again, contemplating, narrowing his eyes. “I imagine you’ve endured such acts. I only assume given—” he gestured to your leg.

Heat flared in your cheeks and your pulse picked up. Swallowing, you tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and crossed your arms. “Yes.” He didn’t seem to know why Kylo Ren had left his mark, only that he had. This brought you ease. “Yes, Commander Ren doesn’t have the best handle on his…anger. I suppose.”

Belkar swallowed, watching you. “Does he scare you?”

This caught you off guard, fingers biting into your arms when you took another step forward. “Does Kylo Ren scare me?” You took a few seconds to really think about it, feeling comfortable when you met Belkar’s eyes again, only a few paces from the bed now. “It would be counterintuitive to be afraid of my own patient.”

“Do you feel safe when you are working with him?” He was subtly attempting to screen you for abuse – well, further abuse – his face trying to hide the curiosity in his tone.

“Doctor Belkar, I do appreciate you’re worried for me. But it is misplaced. Now, would you tell me more about my patient, please?”

He was momentarily taken aback by your forward effort to change the subject. “I do apologize if my questions have made you uncomfortable. I noticed your hesitancy to be near him and thought-,”

“That’s unrelated, Doctor,” maybe in too harsh a manner, you bit his words off. You didn’t feel like telling the edited version of how you believed yourself to be the abuser when it came to Kylo, and you were sure Belkar, just as Mason, wouldn’t understand if you tried. “Will you please just tell me how he’s been doing?” A crack in your voice revealed how weak your defenses were.

The physician’s head nodded back slightly in understanding. Today was good for no one. Tensions were high. He knew you had just woken up after experiencing both known and unknown traumas. “Would you help me change his dressings while we discuss his care?” A truce, gentle and acknowledging.

Your shoulders fell with a breath you hadn’t realized was waiting to escape, your throat clearing when you walked to the drawers set up behind you. Activating one, you pulled out the necessary supplies and set them up as Belkar opened them. He walked you through the various monitors connected to Kylo – leeds stuck to his chest, a cuff around his upper right arm, the pumps over his legs, the IVs placed. He uncovered Ren’s pelvis and had you assess his catheter, mentioning the drainage bag below the bed. The antibiotics were prophylactic, just as yours would be; there had been too many unknowns around Ren’s injuries to not protect against potential sepsis.

When Belkar had completed his assessment – stopping to listen to breath and bowel sounds, motioning for you to do the same with the provided stethoscope to test your knowledge – you helped him fix the gown and sheets back over Kylo’s chest, your breath catching when your fingers brushed against his skin. The doctor tucked his datapad back under his arm and walked to the door, activating it before stepping out. However, you had remained at Kylo’s side, watching him as he slept.

“Doctor Belkar?” you called after him, not looking away from Kylo.

A sigh left him, this one fond. Kind. “A true healer.” He was thoughtful in tone. “Use the assistance indicator should you become faint. Should your friend inquire about your whereabouts-,”

“Tell him I’m okay—” you licked your lips as a tear slipped down your cheek “—tell Mason he can leave if he… Tell Mason he can leave.”

There was no response before the door hissed shut, allowing you to let free the whimper which had been stuck since you first set eyes on Kylo. You realized you’d never seen him asleep. The one night you’d shared his bed your focus just on that fact, not on observing him. That night had been the only time you’d seen his full heart, or at least more of it than you had. Now, standing beside him, still reluctant to get too close, you were crying just as he had. That night seemed like a separate lifetime, like a dream you’d only ever get to revisit in your memories now.

Tearing your eyes away from him, clearing your throat and thumbing away more tears, you ran your fingertips along the hanging fluids; the saline would need to be replaced soon, and the metronidazole was running at an accelerated rate. The blood, you checked the label, had been hung just prior to your arrival, the colloid causing you to stop and gently press into its plastic confines. A huff of weak amusement left you; it had never occurred to you that this blood would ever be used for its intended purpose, intended recipient. Seeing it running into Kylo’s veins, checking the transfusion sight for infiltration and redness, you felt a sort of sick irony settle into the room. This very fluid, more or less, would be your demise; it was capable of sustaining life, replenishing it, yet would be the very thing to end yours.

The monitor blinked in your periphery, catching your attention; his heart rate was improving, finally skimming the upper fifties, his respirations coming evenly. Steeling yourself, bunching your gown in your hands, you looked down at him. Kylo Ren, resting and vulnerable, lay below for your appraisal. Belkar had walked you through the proper routine to change his dressings, his abdominal wound and the one scraping across his shoulder healing well under the soaked gauze. The wound fixed along his face, however, had been created too awkwardly to be dressed as the others. A grafting patch had been placed along the length of the injury, a black stripe of the regenerative material precise in its placement.

There was so much pain etched into him, you wondered if his outward appearance now matched his inner, the thought choking you with a sob. “I’m sorry,” you whispered. It was silly to wait for a response, to look at him in anticipation, but you did.

It took several minutes of deliberation, but you eventually joined him in the bed, gently sitting on his right side as to not disturb anything. The tips of your right index and middle finger trailed along the ridges of the unbandaged wound, feeling his pulse in the raised flesh, landing on his forehead and brushing into his hair.

“Oh.” It startled you when your fingers got stuck in a mat at his ends. Rolling it between your fingers you found it to be dried, congealed blood. It wasn’t surprising; hair care was not the priority right now, the nurses already straining themselves without paying attention to trivial duties.

But you had time and he was here with no way of objecting, your hand cupping his face before you began gathering your supplies and setting them up. The silence was comforting for only a few minutes, soon leaving you to your thoughts, those which shuddered through you with images of Robbie and Snoke and Kylo.

“I don’t even know how we got here,” you mumbled while filling a basin with warm water. A bitter chuckle, a cough chasing it. “I do, actually. I know exactly how we got here.” Placing the full basin on the bedside table, carefully wheeling it to the head of his bed, you gazed over him. “Snoke. Mason. Rob-,” the name stuck in your throat. “The stormtrooper.”

Gentle thumbs tracked like feathers atop his cheekbones, your remaining fingers pushing into his thick locks and brushing it behind his ears. After admiring him for a moment longer you collected the necessary linen, grabbing three extra towels, four in total. Setting them up – one beneath him, another two rolled and resting atop his shoulders, and the last spread over your lap when you sat on a stool – you reached for the cup you’d earlier grabbed and filled it with water.

“I should’ve told you.” It seemed you would never stop crying; a tear struck his forehead as you poured the first cup over his head, ensuring to guard his eyes and ears. “I never… Snoke threatened Mason. He threatened him and all I could think was that I wouldn’t allow someone else to endure punishment meant for me.” Kylo’s hair darkened as it wet, the towel beneath him turning pink with diluted blood. “That wouldn’t be fair. Someone suffering because my own mistakes? No. No, that would be selfish. Selfish and, and… I don’t know.” A sigh and a swallow. “I don’t know.”

With a second cup you wet the rest of his locks and lathered shampoo between your hands. “I woke up yesterday hating you, wishing I was dead so I didn’t have to see you after that day. I fucking hate him so much!” Your chin trembled in anger, imagining Snoke knowing this was happening, wondering how much he really knew, if he could see while Kylo slept. “And it wasn’t even… That’s what I hate the most. You had so little say in it, so little choice and I spent a whole month, wasted so much time, hating the wrong person. Hating you.”

Rolling his ends between your fingers, you scrubbed at the mats until they became loose. “I wish you could know that everything I told you was a lie. You were right about it all. I don’t hate you.” Words came easier, tears still streaming with ease, yet your throat clearing with each admission. “Maybe in the beginning when I didn’t know so much, when I didn’t know you. Maybe then I had wanted to, but it’s an impossibility now. Today made me realize that.” A pause while you watched his chest tide, stopping to recount the apology you’d known to give him, remembering how it felt as he held you – broken, raw – in his arms. “Today made me realize a lot of things.”

The last mat had been the toughest, your fingers rolling and rubbing for nearly five minutes until it softened. “Can I… I mean, I know you can’t answer, but…” Your throat got thick again, burning as you tried to swallow a sob. Closing your eyes, you dropped the subject, not wanting to recount the event to even an absent mind yet.

Clearing your throat, you began again, instead recalling the various mentions of Kylo Ren’s history during the past day. “Maybe I don’t know as much about you as others do, though.” Water drenched the towel below his head as you massaged the soap out of his hair, your pulse quickening as you thought about your next question. “The old man. The one on Jakku… He mentioned something about a time before Kylo Ren, or something like that. How did he even know you? How did you know him?”

Working your way through his hair, you rinsed until there were no bubbles remaining. Questioning him felt foreign; if he were awake he would have surely stopped you from continuing. Or from starting at all. But you pressed on, wanting to distract yourself from the reality that lurked in the back of your mind.

“And then later, when I…” Warmth spread through you at the memory of his bed, him setting you there, holding onto him until he left. You tried to hide the pain in your throat, knowing if you allowed yourself to sob once you’d surely lose the ability to stop. “I heard you. When you were speaking to someone, talking to your grandfather. Was he in there with you? Or were you on a commlink?” You shrugged, knowing all of these inquiries were in vain. “My maternal grandfather passed away before I began university. I never met the other one. Something about family secrets and drama and blah blah blah.”

Another tear fell to Kylo’s face, remembering the pain you’d felt losing someone for the first time, remembering how helpless you were to change anything. A sigh of desperate defeat left you. “I must be cursed. A true healer? Maybe in another life. In this one it seems I can only save a life in turn for another, be it mine or someone I care about.”

After rinsing your hands in the basin, you gathered conditioner on the tips of your fingers and began working it into the now clean ends. A whimper came in place of the stuck sob, breathing becoming difficult as you denied it life. “You said that to me, remember? The night I had gone to Mason. Not exactly but, you said something along the lines of me only listening when the things I value are threatened. It seems the two things go hand in hand; I can’t help anyone without hurting someone else, I can’t make a decision without being forced into it, without being threatened should I make one wrong choice.”

A hand smoothed over the last remaining tendril of hair, soft with the new product, your chest heavy with regret and hindsight. “You wanted me to give my whole self to the First Order. I did, Kylo. And now… I have nothing. There’s nothing left and it’s my fault.” Mason’s worried expression flitted into your mind’s eye. “And if I do have anything left… It’s nothing I want.” Closing your eyes, you ran the pad of your thumb along the rim of the cup, clutching it to your chest. “I wish I could go back. Earlier when I… When I came home. I wish I had told you then. If I had, maybe neither of us would be pawns in Snoke’s game. If I’d told you, maybe I wouldn’t have been-,”

Pain speared you with daggers of rejection. There was no easy or gentle way to confront the truth. No matter if you’d briefly mentioned it with Belkar earlier; to verbalize it, to say out loud what had gone one, scared you. It made it real, gave it power and life. But this would be the only way you’d get to confess to it; soon you’d be alone, left to relive the act over and over until it would be all that remained. It would consume you if you let it.

“I was raped.” You said it before it got stuck again. Finally, after choking on it for so long, that sob broke free, cries grating against your sore throat. “It was the stormtrooper. The one you’d set out to protect me from. The one Snoke had told me you’d been thinking about.” A shaky hand collected another cup of water and let it rinse the conditioner away. “RB-6745. Robbie. Shit! I’m so, so stupid! I’m so dumb I wish I could fucking die! It would be so much easier if I could just stop…existing, if I could just stop breathing it would all be- none of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t- damn it!” A roar tore through clenched teeth before you dragged the towel set across your lap and smothered it against your face.

Scream after scream after scream left you, each one more painful than the last, more broken than the last. The towel collected what tears had set on your cheeks, your voice diminishing before you had the sense to stop yourself from continuing. With the damp cloth draped over your hands, you rested your head in your palms, heaves and hiccups unbidden and unrelenting.

“I gave him a name, Kylo. I did. I gave him a name and I started all of this,” muffled, you finally confronted the truth you had been so unwilling to acknowledge. A bitter crack of laughter left. “You will only ever be the start and end of the issue,” you echoed Snoke, voice distant and decimated. “Yeah, well. I guess he was right. I did start it.” Pulling the towel from your face, staring down at the peace painted over your Master, a cold shiver stalled your lungs. “I started it. And I ended it.”

Silence once more met you with suffocation. Studying Kylo’s face – noticing his eyelashes, the cracked nature of his dry lips, finding a fondness in the angle of his nose – you took a deep breath and settled into your new reality, accepting it as it would be, allowing yourself to begin healing as he was before you. “I killed him. I left him to bleed out just before Starkiller exploded. He’s dead.”

The last phrase reminded you as you finished your task, patting the towel into his hair, lifting his head to fully dry him. “Whoever Ben is… and if he’s dead or not –” you rested the towel over your left thigh “—I wonder if I knew him.” Another thought of Kylo’s figurative family. “I wonder if he knew you.”

Once you left here your privileges as his provider would be revoked; when he would wake and sign the proper documents, notify the necessary people, every tie you had to him would be severed. So, to indulge in one last moment, you parted a triangle of hair from the center of his hairline, separated it into three equal sections, and began the simple pattern: left over middle, right over middle, adding hair with each repetition to create a continuous, tight braid. Aside from giving you more time with him, the style would discourage any new mats from forming.

Repeating this process two more times, one more on each side of his head, you made sure that the hair that couldn’t be contained was brushed and flat beneath him. You set a towel under his head to collect any remaining moisture and prevent knotting. The clean-up process was leisurely, your focus shifting to his monitor every now and then to see he was no longer bradycardic. The last time you checked the monitor, a normal sinus rhythm tracing along the display, you found his pulse had risen to sixty-seven beats per minute.

Finished clearing the last of your mess, you sat on the stool, still at the head of his bed. No matter the new addition setting into features – though, in a way, it suited him well – you admired him; here he was at peace. Resting. Healing. The sobs had died out but tears were still liberal in their formation, another falling to hit the inner corner of his right eye. You collected it, chewing your lip before leaning down and again tracing along the outer region of the wound.

Kylo’s breath warmed over your forehead in the proximity, your own catching as it all became too much. Placing your hands on either side of his face so the tips of your fingers held loosely over his jaw, you brought your lips to rest on his. Kylo couldn’t reciprocate it, you knew, but this would be your goodbye.

“I wish I could have given you more than this,” you whispered, lips brushing against his own. “More than anything, Kylo, I wanted to give you more than this.”

Trembling lips pressed into his, your tears reviving the dry flesh, a whimper leaving when he remained still. He would never kiss you back again, the thought piercing as warmth slipped from your cheeks and onto his. However long you stayed like this, your face on his, you tried to silence the reality looming over you. But you couldn’t stay here forever, and you’d probably been gone for far too long already.

Leaning up from him your nose drew a faint line up his bridge, feather-light lips setting against his forehead in a final show of unrequited adoration. With a breath your spine straightened, eyes strict in their effort to keep forward. There was no moment of hesitancy as you passed the threshold and left the Elite wing; if you had indulged in a final glance, you knew you’d have never left.

On the journey back to your room – head hung low, teeth rooted in an effort to stop the trembling of your bottom lip – you met a stiff wall of muscle as someone exited a room, your feet stumbling back before you completely fell backwards, landing on your tailbone. The room spun when you opened your eyes after hitting the floor, a gloved hand extending down and offering you assistance. Taking it, you looked up to find General Hux.

He looked as you did, exhaustion heavy in his features before he was struck by your identity. He didn’t recoil, though, pulling you up and even steadying you for a couple seconds. Hux’s eyes darted to the bandage on your forehead and quickly over your gown, narrowing only slightly when he appraised the red rims of your own. He remained silent, retracting his hand as he nodded once.

“Officer,” he acknowledged. “I heard about your fainting spell.” His tone lacked the animosity you had come to expect.

You took hold of the wall support, looking up at him, confused at his sudden civility. “Oh.” It was the best you could do right now.

Something about him seemed off. Even as he remained more guarded than most humans you knew, it appeared as though something had him worried. Maybe it was the fall out from Starkiller that had him acting out. He had just lost men.

“Is there an official count yet?” you asked, filling the silence.

Hux swallowed, the corners of his mouth dipping before he returned to his normal façade, his shoulder going up and back when his stance shifted. “Nice work during the transport.”

“Thank…you. Uh, thank you, General.”

Another nod and he turned away from you and walked out of sight. A crease bit at your brow. How strange. Or maybe it wasn’t. The last twenty-four hours had been less than favorable for the entire First Order. Nobody could be expected to be at their best right now. Or even at their normal.

Before you started down the hall, your periphery caught view of the room where Hux had come, your heart falling. Confusion was drowned by new concern. Talia was slumped into her shoulder, asleep while she sat upright, both arms resting at her sides to reveal bruises from multiple IV attempts. There was one line running from her left forearm which led up to a bag of fluids, the contents of which you couldn’t read from a distance.

Peaking around the hall, you ducked into her room and clicked the door shut with your back, keeping the volume to a minimum as to not wake her. It seemed like a week had passed since you saw her seize, Snoke’s men abducting you before you could aid in her care. It had been less than a full day.

Walking up to her right side you noted the oxygen secured over her ears, a nasal cannula delivering two liters per minute. Nothing excessive. That was good. But still curious. The fluid bag was filled with electrolyte replacement, another bag hanging empty behind it. Looking for more clues, you found the information board to be devoid of any recent updates, only indicating her nurse and the continuation of the current fluids. There was a check mark next to a note which read sterile urine specimen, CBC, CMP.

When you kicked your foot under her bed, swinging it mindlessly while holding onto the upper bed rail, something skidded beneath your sock. In a manner which didn’t stress your wounds, you knelt to the ground and picked up the item. It was a white square, shiny material which glinted under the harsh fluorescents. Holding one corner, it unfolded to reveal a second half. Turning it over, eyes blinking back to make sure you were reading the images correctly.

Everything was in the right spot, every label and measurement and identifier correct and official. Dropping completely to the floor, your legs splayed across each other, you peaked up at your friend and back to the printed picture multiple times, not knowing what to make of the situation.

Talia was pregnant.

#kylo ren x reader #kylo ren #kylo ren x you #kylo ren fanfic #kylo ren imagine #st kyp #ao3

[damn-stark]

Child of Ren Ch.6

A/N- I loved writing this chapter and I hope you liked it, let me know what you thought :) a lot of Poe content this chapter ;) and are we going to be sluts for Poe Dameron in this series? Yes, yes we are.

Warning- LOONG Chapter (sorry) , violence, Slow burn

Pairing- Poe Dameron x reader x Rey

Takes place- after TLJ & before TROS

(Let me know what you thought)

———

Canto Bight.

That’s where you needed to go in order to get what you needed, but their was a problem. That was how you were going to get there.

Of course their was the solution of you flying there but if you were being honest you weren’t the best pilot....at all. Somehow you managed to land here in one piece but that was all thanks to luck.

All your years in the first order (which were now cut shorter than you had thought) you didn’t prioritize piloting all that much, or at all, only taking a couple lessons here and there, even if you do wish you would have, in fact you always did; But before it was because you wanted to be as great of a pilot like Kylo....now that changed completely, now you didn’t know....

Anyhow you did have a problem to your dilemma, the only pilot you knew on base;

Poe Dameron.

You were....friends, so perhaps he would accept to accompany you, if you asked but that wasn’t what concerned you.

The matter that concerned you was the person you were going to meet. He knew you before, as The Child of Ren, and you couldn’t allow to let your identity slip, not by him or anyone else you might run into while you were at Canto Bight. Because you knew that people were going to be looking, if Kylo cared, he was going to be looking. Maybe not him but others that were desperate to please the first order, that were in it for the credits...or others like The Knights of Ren.

—

Quickly you march down the inside of the base, your head raised high, your shoulders squared and your hands balled at your sides; Forgetting that you were in fact not needed to do that anymore since you weren’t in The First Order anymore.

You take a deep breath and relax your shoulders, slowing your pace as you keep searching for only one person in mind, Poe. Who has been a very hard man to find in such a small place with very few people.

When you finally found him though he had his attention on something his Holopad contained. His eyebrows were knotted together, while he kept mindlessly scrolling, his expression looking perplexed altogether. He himself just looking....attractive.

You had noticed that about him before, but didn’t think much more about it because you didn’t think you’d see him again, but now you were here, with him, oddly enough.

But, no you couldn’t think of him that way, he was your friend, your only friend—well beside Rey. Which luckily (not) for you, she had also caught your eye the same way Poe had; But it was weird, you’ve never had feelings for a girl before, sure one or two guys before but never a girl, this was a first.

Subsiding all the thoughts aside however you moved towards Poe, who still had yet to be aware of your presence, still concentrated on whatever it was he was looking at.

“Poe?” You called out, making said man’s shoulders jump slightly at the sound of your voice, not at all expecting you to be beside him.

He turned his head away from the holopad and turned to you, his face softening once he saw it was only you.

“Y/N.” He called out placing his holopad down.

“If you’re busy I can talk to you later. I just needed to ask you something but—”

“No, it’s okay, all boring work anyway.” He interrupted quickly. “I’m sorry I haven’t checked on you, works just kept me busy. How are you getting used to base?”

You smile and shrug your shoulders, “it’s been...good. I’m used to more...pristine surroundings but I don’t mind this. Different setting, but it’s all good.”

He chuckles and completely forgets whatever it was he was working on. “You needed something or did you just come to distract me? Because if you did, I don’t mind the distraction.”

You tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear and instantly find it hard to ask him what you needed to ask him. “Uhh, I just uh. I’m going to find my contact in Canto Bight, and well I’m not a good pilot at all so I just wanted to ask if you could come along? Only if you can though.”

He doesn’t hesitate to answer or actually think of his answer, he just gets a cocky grin on his lips before answering. “Yeah, it’s like I said before I’m with you. Just tell me when and I’ll be there.”

You smile wider; even if you knew that you’ve told him the plan before it’s still makes you feel surprised that he was willingly to go with you and why he had agreed without question. But then again it’s just you not used to any of their acts of kindness as you’re used to being ordered around more, or being left behind to keep watch, never the one commanding. That also being because Kylo was keeping you out of way, being overprotective—but even if you hate to say it now, at least The Knights of Ren let you be more free when it came to running missions.

“I’m actually surprised you asked me and not Rey.” He joked making you shake your head and let out a small laugh.

“Simple, I heard you were the best pilot in the Resistance.”

If it could be possible the expression on his face seemed to get cockier, a smirk replacing his grin—perhaps it was mistake to have said such a thing to him.

You tilt your head slightly to the side and you furrow your eyebrows, regretting your comment; but it was far to late, “I take that back, I didn’t mean it.”

“You know I think you might be my best friend now.”

“Oh no, I take it back—”

“Nope you already said it.”

You roll your eyes in a lighthearted way, biting back a laugh, the small moment you shared with him made you forget all types of emotions you felt towards Kylo; or the mission you were just going to go on, anything bad that had filled your mind was gone for that second. Making you feel at peace and at ease.

But it was just for a second before you got reminded of it all, before you heard a small voice at the inside your mind that reminded you that people just like Kylo did, broke promises, tricked and broke your heart; reminded you that you shouldn’t trust anyone. Even every feeling and instinct in yourself told you that you could really trust the man in front of you.

Your face grew serious and you let out a small cough to regain composure, “we can leave later then.”

Poe easily noticed the change in demeanor, but didn’t comment on it. “Yeah, okay.”

—

You’ll always be The Child of Ren,

The voice was deep, rough, cold and familiar. It caused everything around you to zone out, to focus on nothing, but an all too familiar presence that lingered close.

Come back home, where you belong.

It wasn’t possible.

You’ll lose control, and no one will be there to help you when you do.

No, he couldn’t, he couldn’t be here.

You spin around with haste, looking away from your helmet that you had hidden in “your” freighter, to identify where the voice was coming from, where his voice was coming from. Kylo’s voice.

I’m the only one who can help you, I’m the only one you have. You’re alone there, worthless, they won’t like you when they know who you are. They’ll fear you, think of you as a monster.

No. Leave me alone.

It was hard to identify where his voice was coming from at first, but then you knew it wasn’t coming from inside the freighter; he wasn’t here, he was in your head, communicating through the force.

They’ll be terrified of you...because you haven’t told them who you are right?

You don’t answer, instead you try and concentrate on getting him out of your head, concentrate on remaining calm and in control, not letting the anger cause you to lose control.

I know you y/n, you’re doomed to lose control, you’ll hurt them and that will be your downfall. And I won’t be there to help. You need me, we were close to mastering that control.

You’re wrong I d-d.....don’t need you. I can control my anger, the force within me. I...don’t need you. You lied to me....I ha—just get out of my head!

He doesn’t listen, his presence was still lingering, it was still strong, engulfing you whole. It was making your breathing shallow and made your hands—whole body begin to tremble.

Just get out.

You really want to be in a place where at the sound of your real name they’ll turn you away, fear you, think of you as some monster? Listen to me y/n, they will call you that, a monster. They’re going to make you believe they care when they don’t, when at the end of the day they won’t.

You begin to aimlessly pace around the space of the freighter you were in, where you had hidden all things that identified you as The Child of Ren.

You tried to get Kylo out of your head, but you couldn’t. The anger was only getting worse and your ability to control your anger falter by the second. He was making some small part of yourself actually believe his every word.

Only I care, only I understand, only I can help you. I don’t fear you.

You shut your eyes and focused on getting him out, tried to make everything around you stop shaking; but that action only made it seem like he was here in front of you, making everything worse....and yet better—

—but no, he hurt you, he didn’t deserve anything, he didn’t deserve the satisfaction of thinking that he can be the only one that can help you.

Come back home y/n, come back home. I can help you here.

His words just made everything worse, it caused everything around you begin to shake more violently, and made tears pool your eyes.

Just get out!

You opened your eyes and tried to calm yourself, but you couldn’t. Nothing was helping, no one was helping, then again no one knew..except him.

Please....

Listen to my voice y/n...concentrate on me, focus on me, just on my voice. Take in a slow deep breath and hold it. Focus on the pent up anger and release it, don’t let it overcome you. Just let it all go.

Okay...okay.

And just like that he was gone, just like that the untamed force that was going to erupt from you was tamed again, you were back in control, you were back in the room...just like that he proved that you still needed him. You had shown him what he wanted to see, what he wanted to prove.

Angry tears rolled down your cheeks, at the fact that you had shown him that he could help. You wanted to do it yourself, but he proved you wrong...proved that maybe you did need him—but no, he was wrong, you were wrong, you didn’t need him anymore and you needed to prove him that, you were going to prove that to him.

Spinning back to your helmet, you snatch it from where you had stored it—along with your hybrid lightsaber. You tightened your grip around the helmet and closed your eyes to focus the force to shatter it.

You didn’t know why you had brought it with you, you were supposed to leave that life behind, just leave it all behind, but you brought it, it was here with you, taunting you that you couldn’t actually leave it all behind; but you could, you needed to.

With a deep shaky breath you attempted to shatter it....

...But you couldn’t, you couldn’t bring yourself to actually destroy it. It meant too much, when it shouldn’t.

With an angry huff you shoved it back in the container where it was hidden before, locking it away along with your hybrid lightsaber. No one could know these were here because then they would know who you were and you couldn’t let that happen. Not yet..or at all.

So for now, it was all going to be kept away, no lightsaber or helmet. No Child of Ren. Just you, y/n.

“Poe says we’re ready to go.”

At the sound of the unexpected voice you jumped up, spinning around to see....Finn, looming by the entrance.

Your eyes widened and you could feel your heart hammer in your chest out of fear. Not fear for him but what he could’ve possibly seen. You didn’t hear him or actually know he was coming. You had asked Poe to come along, like you did with Rey, even if she unfortunately chose to stay at base—but you never asked Finn and yet somehow he was here. Like a annoying shadow.

Seeing that he didn’t immediately run to snitch on what he could’ve seen, you took that as a clue that he in fact didn’t catch sight of anything and moved away from the hidden evidence.

“I didn’t know you were coming.” You grumbled as you moved past him.

He sighed and moved quickly past you. “Poe asked me to come and well I don’t trust you so.” He shrugged his shoulders and before you could remark to his comment he disappeared inside cockpit where you knew Poe was, leaving you with the same small orange and white droid from before.

If droids could glare, you could swear he was doing it with his one mechanical eye.

You let out a deep sigh before turning your attention to the droid, “You too, huh? Well you’re lucky I like droids.”

—

The blue and white of bright stars paint the tranispersteel as the ship flies in hyperspace, the ship be engulfed in silence..well all except for the loud thoughts in your head. Mostly about what had happened earlier today with Kylo, it made you furious that he still had that control over you, and you hated that you unwillingly proved to him, that he still had that control.

“Hey kid,”

Quickly you tear your eyes away from the passing stars and break from your thoughts to see Poe, coming your way. “Please don’t call me that.”

“It’s just a nickname, no harm in it.” He shrugs taking a close seat next to you on the booth.

You let out deep breath and shift to face him, “I’m not a kid, I don’t like to be called that, so please don’t.” Their was too many reasons why you hated that nickname, one of them being that it reminded you too much of your other name. Second well you just didn’t, especially and weirdly because it came from him.

“Okay, fine, I won’t.” He chuckled making you sigh and roll your eyes. “So, you say you’re a horrible pilot then why have such an expensive Freighter, hmm? Actually how did you even fly at all?”

“It’s not my ship. I stole it.” You say bluntly, no hint of humor in your voice, but he didn’t seem to get that, as he let out a huff of air in amusement, a smile plastered on his face until he finally realized that you were actually serious. “Don’t worry though, the previous owners didn’t need it.” You assure him as you notice his serious expression.

You smile and leave that conversation the way it was, “and as to how I flew to base, well I know the basic’s and where I was before wasn’t far from Ajan Kloss.”

“Where were you before?” He asked curiously, making the frown return to your face.

You tried to play it off cooly and put on a feigned smile; “that doesn’t matter.”

He eyes you suspiciously causing your heart to beat rapidly in your chest. Their was a mere instinct where you thought he would find out, that thought made you want to just hurt him here and now. But once he leaned back, seeing that you didn’t show any sign of suspicion he let it go, letting your shoulders drop and feel like you could properly breathe again.

“But I would love to learn, not to fly a freighter but a fighter ship, you know. Like a TIE or an X-wing. I’ve always wanted to learn, just never had the time.” You confess, quickly changing the subject.

His smiled returned, and he leaned in closer finding what you were saying intriguing and finding your change in demeanor odd, since the last time you talked. You had been cold, but now you were talking like if you had known each other for years. He didn’t mind it, just found the change of behavior odd.

“I would’ve thought you would know how to fly a fighter.” Poe expressed.

You shake your head before continuing on, “no, I always wanted to,” you pause for a moment, as a memory of your past life flashes through your mind, a memory of your actual parents; telling stories of the hero pilots in the previous wars, it was a faint memory but one you didn’t know you had. “I always wanted to fly among the stars...ridiculous I know—”

“No, no I understand. Trust me I do.” Poe quickly interjects making a more genuine smile return to your lips.

“...I always wanted to feel the rush of adrenaline, the feeling at the pit of your stomach when you do a fast drop or fast maneuver—I feel it when I ride my speeder bike, but it’s not the same, I know it’s not...”

Poe moves in closer, your knees brushing with each-others as he genuinely listens to every word, neither of you tearing your gaze away from one another.

“..Its a different rush when you swerve the opposing side or blasts meant for you. I want to feel the rush of excitement, when you shoot down who you’re fighting or know when even the smallest battle is won...I-I want to feel free.” You continued on excitedly, forgetting what you had told yourself about trust earlier today. And rambling like an idiot, talking more than you’ve probably ever have in the past few weeks or months.

But Poe didn’t seem bored he actually hung onto every word and unknowingly to you, watched you with admiration as you described exactly everything he felt when he flew. He heard and watched as you went on, expressing everything so carefree, making his heart skip a beat and his chest tighten—not in a bad way but in the fact that you had made him feel that way.

You stopped yourself before you could ramble on some more, you had a lot more to say, but you didn’t want to bore the man even if it seemed that he was rather intrigued to your every word.

He swallowed thickly and shifted in his seat, coughing to regain his composure; “Yeah, yeah I know exactly what you’re saying.” He paused for a moment, “You know I can teach you how to fly on a fighter, if you want.”

A bright smile appeared on your features, one that reached your eyes, almost seeming like they gave off a certain sparkle that he definitely noticed.

“Really?” You asked quirking your eyebrow, eyeing him for any sign of his offer being some joke.

He shrugged his shoulders with a smug like smile; “Really. Lessons from the best pilot in the Resistance. Your words not mine.”

You scoffed and rolled your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest. “Okay I’m down.”

Before Poe could respond, Finn came out of the cockpit, eyeing the both of you suspiciously before parting his lips and interrupting; “We’re here.”

—

“How do you know your contacts going to be here?” Poe shouted over the clamoring of people, all of them doing their own thing, losing, gaining money; some clean, some dirty, most of it dirty from illegal businesses.

Canto Bight, was a beautiful place, the shimmering lights, the elegant buildings, even if most of this place was built out of dirty money and corruption. Putting all that aside though, it was a beautiful planet...to you anyway, mainly because everything seemed so new, it felt like you’ve never seen the galaxy before in your life, the real beauty of it, when in fact you have but in a different perspective, not an enjoyable one though.

“He’s here. He’s scum just like most of the people here.” You shout back, occasionally standing on the tip of your toes to keep a look out for your contact.

“Well that’s comforting.” Finn sighed beside you.

You blink over at him and sigh in annoyance, “he’s trustworthy. Rich trustworthy scum.”

You keep maneuvering past the crowd of people, part of you wishing you were under the comfort of your helmet. Only because then people would at least make way for you, back away in fear, overall not just be in the way and let you get straight to your location without hassle.

Finally after a minute you spot the man you’re looking for, in a ridiculous yet outstanding outfit that fit among the other rich people in the casino.

His hair was neatly combed back, a perfect and charming smile on his face, standing tall over the table of some game and of course a crowd of thirsty people who only hung around him for his money and popularity.

A small grin spreads on your features as you see him. Finally. “There in the back table. Blue suit.” You point, picking up your pace until you finally make it to the table, pushing the crowd of people aside. Before you could call out to him, he spots you and his smile widens. He holds his hand up, signaling you to wait for the game to end.

As Poe, Finn and BB8 make it by your side you can basically feel the judgment radiate from both Finn and Poe as they see your contact. “I talk with him. No one else. He can be...difficult. So leave me to do the talking.” You warn them as you wait until he finally finishes the game. He says nothing and only breaks away from the crowd, waving at you to follow him somewhere more discreet.

It doesn’t take long for him to guide you to an elegant and private room, still in silence until he closes the door behind the people that came with you.

“Zater.” You greet as said man turns with the same grin as before.

“Hello love, long time no see.” He greets in a thick yet elegant accent, eyeing you up and down before he shook his head. “You look different, and..” he pauses and looks at Poe and Finn behind you. “...oh well, I see you’re running with a...more happier crowd. No knights or evil guardian angel of death.”

Your smile falters and you ball your hand into fists at the discreet mention of people you’d rather not talk about...at all. Zater moves past all of you to take a seat in the tall chairs around a marble table. He studies Finn and Poe carefully, a glare in his look before he motions for you all to take a seat. The boys hesitate but once you do as instructed they follow seconds after.

Zater introduces himself to the men beside you, a more than feigned smile on his lips. He straightens his back and finally turns his full attention on you. “I know how you like it love, straight to the point, so why are you here?”

“I came here for something I know you have.” You say straight to the point, leaning closer to the table and resting your hands on top of it—some of your old habits seeping through. “I want ships. Fighter ships. I know you that you know where the First Order stores old rebel fighters, I want to know where too.”

He chuckles lightly, shaking his head and licking his lips before leaning back in his chair. “Switching sides I see. What does—”

“Zater.” You cut him off sharply, shooting him a warning glare that spoke what he didn’t need to hear to understand your situation, receiving odd looks from Poe and Finn.

Ignoring the looks Zater continues, “as you know some rebels have attempted to steal the map to the garage;” he eyes the exact rebels guilty of the problem before continuing. “And well you know the first order doesn’t like that, so they moved the location, somewhere heavily guarded, a planet run over by the first order.”

“Yes, yes I know how all that goes, I need to know where. I’m out of the loop, with lack of...resources. I just need to know where exactly.” You dismiss him, carefully dancing around your past with The First Order.

He leans in closer to you, tucking up his sleeve and revealing a watch that had more hidden in it then met the eye. His eyes shift between Poe and Finn and back to you. “You trust them?”

You simply shrug not turning to them, “some more than others.”

He doesn’t say anything else and pulls out a small gadget from his watch, placing it flat on the table and pressing a button that caused a holomap to spurt out.

“This planet here,” he points out. “In the mid-rim. Ancient, Beautiful and dangerous. After the first order raided the planet and took the children, twenty years ago it’s been at war..”

You swallow thickly and your gaze falters, old memories flashing that made you go uneasy.

“You need to be careful y/n, it’s invaded by the first order, they see...your friends here roaming the streets and they take them for execution. You need to be precise, you can’t take the ships simply by throwing pilots in the cockpit...” he explains, enhancing the visual on the holoscreen closer for more information. “In three months you’ll find your opening”

“Three months? No, that’s—we need them sooner.” Poe huffs, causing Zater to roll his head to the side and giving a cold chuckle.

“Look, you want those ships or not? Hmm? I said three months you can’t just fly through this without a plan, commander. It’s a delicate situation. Take it or leave it.” He spat in an annoyed tone making Poe back off and letting you talk instead.

“We’re taking it. What’s the plan?” You ask gaining his attention again.

“They’re going to be relocating them, at midnight like always. That’s your opening. They’ll be stored in a storage ship. You take that and you have your ships”

“Easy, but?” Finn interrupts, knowing well that nothing with the first order was simple.

“Getting into the planet is difficult. You need a specific high order chip.” He puts his hands on yours with a knowing smile, “which you my love have.”

You nod in disapproval causing him to frown and pull away. He sighs deeply but a mischievous smirk grows on his face. “You had.” He rolls out slowly. “Luckily for you I do have, but it comes at a high price.”

Of course he wanted something, of course. You knew him too well, you know what he wanted and it that gets you angry. He gets you angry.

You clench your jaw and try to remain calm before you could speak, but that was useless. “Look Zater, you owe me. I came here to collect—”

“No, no. Love. This is priceless equipment you know that. Like I told your friend here, take it or leave it.” He interrupts getting you angrier.

You jump to your feet and slam your hands on the table, glaring at him with a angry scowl. “I can give you a broken neck or I can shatter you into million pieces and take what I need.” You lean in closer to him, showing a part of yourself that resembled Kylo too much. “Or I can give you both. Choose Zater.” Your chest heaves heavily up and down, your voice cold and threatening, your control beginning to falter until you felt a hand rest on top of yours.

Glancing over you see that it’s Poe’s, you meet his gaze and it seems to share million of unspoken words. He was only trying to help, but with your anger you didn’t think straight and missed his attempts. Shooting him an icy glare, you pull your hand away from his, ultimately stepping back nonetheless. Anger still steaming out of you.

“Everyone wants something, what do you want? Credits? Because we can work something out.” Poe attempts to offer, but that only makes Zater let out a forced chuckle.

“No, no little man, my deal is with y/n here, she knows exactly what I want.”

You cross your arms over your chest and huff. “I don’t have it.” You deadpan, knowing exactly what he wanted, the lighsaber. Your Hybrid lightsaber.

He smirks, walking around the table to be in front of you, attempting to put a hand on your cheek, but you caught his wrist before he could. “Fine, but you do have something else.” He goes to sit back down and leans back, placing one leg on top of another and clasping his hands together. “Your Kyber Crystal. Both items are Priceless. Equal exchange.”

Your face and shoulders fall, the anger quickly vanishing away at his offer. You breath in shakily and gnaw on your bottom lip.

You wanted to do better. Wanted to be on the good side and earn their trust. To prove mainly to yourself that you weren’t a cold hearted monster that people feared...or well you feared, because no one knew what you were hiding or who you were hiding.

No one knew how much the crystal meant to you but Poe and Finn seemed to get a clue as you stood silent and your demeanor changed completely. You hesitated for too long, gripping onto the crystal inside your pocket.

Poe came closer to you, noticing how affected you had gotten, “Y/N, you don’t have to—”

Pulling away from him and without more thought, you took out the crystal in your pocket, “Fine, you first though.” You hiss making Zater smirk and take out what you needed.

“At the same time” he suggestions extending his hand towards you.

Copying his movements you both take what you needed, one with more enjoyment than the other. You look down at the chip and your frown deepens.

“I trust you Zater, this better work.” You mumble, having no mood to threaten him anymore.

His grin annoys though and before you can say anything a holopicture sputters out of his watch, a warning for someone “dangerous and wanted” inside the casino.

Once you notice who it is your eyes widen...it’s you.

All eyes fall on you, all sharing the same shocked expression. You swallow thickly and take a minute to process what you see. You haven’t done anything—as y/n anyway—to be wanted or for you to be known....

...Shit...Kylo.

Well at least now when people looked you up, something came up.

Letting out heavy breath you clench your fists.

“WANTED. ALIVE! DANGEROUS AND HEAVILY ARMED. APPROACH WITH EXTREME CAUTION. REWARD ONLY INCLUDED WHEN HANDED IN.”

The announcement informed, showing the mug-shot picture of yourself, and listing your crimes like some damn bounty or criminal.

“HAND TO THE KNIGHTS OF REN, ALIVE! HARM COME TO THE PRISONER, NO REWARD.”

The announcement gave away one last time before shutting off.

“They’re treating you like royalty, love. They do care.” Zater taunted, causing you to shoot him a warning glare and ignoring the wandering stares from the others.

“The knights of Ren are here?” Finn questioned panicked.

“Yes they’re here and on a mission.” Zater responded for you.

You rubbed your eyes in desperation, thinking of what you could do, too many thoughts running through your head. Anger returning tenfold and making you struggle, only turning to the only person you trusted, Poe. Without saying anything he knew you were asking for his help. He looked down to BB8 about to tell him something before Zater interjected. “Just because our deal went well and I adore y/n. I can sneak you back to your ship without getting caught.”

All three of you look at one another and without having another solution at all, you accept.

—

It had been quick and discreet, just like Zater had said. No one had caught you or stopped you, even if your wanted poster was advertised all around the city.

One day you were unknown to everyone and now you were being pictured as a dangerous criminal known to all....luckily your other identity wasn’t released but that didn’t mean that you weren’t going to have problems with your mission now. This new situation with you being wanted was going to bring problems with different people that seeked the reward and reputation. Luckily for you.

Being wanted, didn’t matter that much like your lost Kyber crystal. It meant a lot and the only thing you had of your forgotten past, and key to some forgotten memories of who you really were and now it was gone. It was really...gone.

“Y/N.”

You pulled away from your thoughts and wiped the tears from your cheeks before glancing up at Poe. He took a close seat next to you and had a smug like smile on his face.

He noticed how glossing your eyes were but chose not to comment on it, afriad that you’ll turn him away when he had something important to say or rather show you.

You quirked your eyebrow to question his motives.

“Before your very weird friend,” he air quoted friend with his fingers making you roll your eyes but continued to listen, “left us, BB8 managed to snatch something after....HE...noticed how you upset you got when he took it, so BB8 took it without Zater noticing.” He pulled out something small from his jacket pocket, extending his closed hand to you, opening it slowly revealing...your kyber crystal.

A warm smile spread on your lips and your eyes once again got watery with threatening tears. Your eyes shifted from the crystal and to Poe, your smile widening and your chest tightening with joy and a feeling of something else, that you couldn’t quite describe.

Poe noticed how hesitant you had gotten and took your hand in his, placing the crystal gently on your palm.

You were left speechless and confused on what to do, you had the urge to hug him, but you didn’t, instead you held yourself back even if you really wanted didn’t want to. Instead you offered him a shy smile and a soft thank you.

He left his hand under yours for a while longer, a lingering stare shared between the both of you before he pulled away, somewhat flustered and attempting to regain composure.

“I thought your droid didn’t like me, he glares at me and he’s ran over my foot a couple of times.” You say easing the heavy tension that wrapped the both of you, pulling Poe’s wandering gaze back to you.

“He..he might be warming up to you, who knows. Or he just didn’t like your friend, by the way he isn’t a friend.” He said simply making you shake your head and play with the crystal in your hand.

“Well, thank him for me, won’t you. Really means a lot what he did.” You express softly earning a soft and nervous smile from Poe. “And thank you too, really.”

You begin to feel your cheeks burn up, so you let your hair hide your blush. “Is that flying lesson still an available offer?” You ask changing the subject.

“Oh, uh yeah if you want.” He stammers, coughing once to speak more confidently.

Before he could say something you interrupt him; “Only lessons from the best pilot in the Resistance.” You mock, making you both turn to one another before laughing. “I’ll be looking forward to them, really.” You express sincerely after calming yourself.

He stays quiet for a moment, but his smile mirrors yours, “me too.”

—

(KYLO REN P.O.V)

“Supreme Leader, theirs a man here named...Zater. Says he has valuable information on The Child of Ren.” A General announces to Kylo.

Kylo nods, motioning for the man to be brought in.

Once the man walks in, Kylo glares at him and questions his ridiculous outfit. The man..Zater straights himself out, presenting himself as important. A confident look on his face. But Kylo knew well, he saw through him, he was just scum.

“What is it?” Kylo asks coldly and to the point.

Zater smirks with too much confidence, walking forward, he only stops when Kylo stands up tall, a scowl that matched y/n’s.

“I have information on a plan y/n has with Rebel scum.” Zater announces proudly, “a mission, to steal fighter ships, in three months time.”

Kylo takes a threatening step closer, Zater still rooted to his place. “Where?” Kylo tilted his head slightly to the side eyeing the man.

“In the mid-rim, the planet called Orgo.”

Kylo halted, his jaw clenching at the sound of the planet. He knew that planet well, and he knew she knew it even if she didn’t remember. It was her home planet.

Kylo keeps moving forward, until he stops a couple inches from Zater, “I imagine you want a reward, for this information?” He asked, his hand discreetly moving to his lightsaber hilt.

Zater grinned and nodded his head; “only to be given what’s promised when I turn her in, she trusts me, she’ll never suspect me.”

Kylo nods, and gives Zater a cold unreadable expression, one that makes Zater’s confidence finally falter. Kylo grips onto the lightsaber hilt, pulling it out and letting his thumb ghost over the button.

He leans in menacingly close, placing his hand harshly onto the back of Zaters neck; said man gasps, and groans as he feels Kylo tighten his grip.

Before Zater could attempt to fight back, Kylo swiftly ignites his lightsaber to impale Zater. “This. Is. Your reward, for betraying her.” Kylo whispered in his ear, shoving the burning blade deeper, before deactivating it and letting Zater drop limp to the ground.

Kylo didn’t even spare a glance to the now dead man below him, turning to march away; “Don’t worry, I’ll bring her in myself.”

.

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A/N- am I going to write a whole scene where Poe teaches reader how to fly and all that cute fluff? Maybe, maybe I am 🤔

Tagged- @jennibradley​ , @xxrouge-lexxx​ , @daniellajocelyn​ , @tweedlydumbtweedlydoo​ , @star-marvel-fangirl​ , @leilei-draws​ , @briesangel @lanatheawesome​ , @madamepsicose, @constantdisgrace​ , @1-800-depressedlesbian​​, @commondazy​

#Star wars #Starwars #star wars fanfiction #star wars imagine #star wars imagines #poe dameron #poe dameron fanfiction #poe dameron x reader x rey #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron imagines #poe #rey #rey fanfiction #rey imagine #rey x reader #rey imagines #rey palpatine #Kylo ren #kylo ren x reader (platonic) #kylo ren fanficition #Child of Ren #CoR #fanfiction #bb8droid #Finn #The Knights of Ren

[kylowrens]

Pas De Deux

Read on AO3

Summary: You are the empress of the planet Khagdra and the ruler of the Cosmic Concord, an up and coming alliance prepared to take down the Resistance and the First Order, as you see yourself as the ideal leader of the galaxy. You're willing to do anything for the throne, even defeat the mighty Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. But will he let you destroy everything he's built?

Words: 2500

Rating: Explicit (LOTS OF VIOLENCE AND VIOLENT SEX)

Characters: Kylo Ren x Reader 

A/N: Hey guys! This is my very first Kylo fic and I hope y’all enjoy what I intend to be a very harrowing enemies to lovers slow burn with lots of kinky sex and violence HAHA

You were a woman of thunder.

And he happened to be a man made of fire.

What an incendiary duel of magic.

You were the empress of your home planet Khagdra and ruler of the Cosmic Concord, a rising intergalactic conglomeration that lain on neither sides of the war- the Resistance was sloppy with its efforts and the First Order was something you considered to be pathetically archaic within the realms of what it aspired to be. With various nations conjuring up your planet, Khagdra was an empire within itself.

You anticipated for today to be diplomatic at best as you prepared to meet with Supreme Leader Kylo Ren over the usage of the Wayfinder, an object intended to guide its users to the hidden planet Exegol- oh how wrong you were. Your planet hailed the containment of the coveted object and word spread across the galaxy, far enough to catch the attention of the Supreme Leader himself. You assumed the Supreme Leader wanted the Wayfinder to take advantage of the secret Sith planet, while you wanted to destroy it.

You felt searing pain, then nothing, in your upper left arm as a side of the crossguard on his lightsaber, sparking erratically, dug into your flesh.

Your mouth filled with saliva and you gritted through the pleasurable pain. A rose-gold helmet concealed your identity and voice from the beautiful man in front of you, the modulator allowing your groan to emanate in an electronic, gender-neutral hum. The heavy rain of your desert oceanic home planet soaked through your dark red noble dress and cape that were embedded with intricate, bronze and gold designs. Your lightsaber, glowing golden in its righteous majesty, pressed against the masked man’s crimson sword as your arms were raised up and back over your head. You heaved forward, sending his saber and body fumbling backwards.

Chuckling, you spun your saber effortlessly as a taunt, an invitation. Kylo huffed, slightly hunched over as he stomped towards you, the rain gliding off his helmet. He swung towards you and you nimbly bent backwards to evade the blade’s heat. Twirling, you regained balance and squeezed the gash on your arm firmly, riling yourself up with rage and a thirst for glory. You managed to glide the tip of your blade along his side; he growled in response and turned sharply towards you. His brute strength only proved the rumors true- he was a champion amongst men.

Kylo’s second mistake was pressing that frenetic excuse of a saber into your arm- the first, was assuming your people were weak. Once his Upsilon-class command shuttle landed, he and his troop of First Order soldiers prodded an innocent family while on their way to your palace. The news quickly made its way to your throne and you knew immediately this battle would be far from effortless. Your own troops of fighters, called novawarriors, quickly stormed into warfare, warding off countless First Order stormtroopers with electric double-sided spears.

Kylo did a number on various lives of your warriors as he waited for you at the foot of your palace, which was cushioned by bouquets of tropical trees all around. This not only enraged you, but fancied your interest as well. The life and lore of the mighty Kylo Ren were things almost of myth, as you only heard of him through word of mouth. He was said to rest his helmet on the ashes of those who came in his way, and he was so ruthless, that he took his own father’s life. The idea of him waiting for you to become one with the others who now serve as a resting place for his helmet thrilled you to no end.

Your train of thought was interrupted by another might of heat and pain, this time surging through your shoulder. You yelped and aimed your lightsaber towards him, only for him to block it with his own. He leaned forward and gained power over you, his figure looming above your frame like a malevolent shadow. You were agile and quick on your feet, especially compared to his large stature and extreme height, but his brute strength was close to getting the best of you. You heaved over to the side and balance grew within your feet.

You sensed him all around you, a ferocious haze blanketing you- you could feel his anger as it reflected the state of his lightsaber. He was curious about who you were, yet wrath overcame his curiosity. His energy was so strong that you felt whatever he felt; in that moment, his wrath became yours.Your heart raced and your hands trembled as blood dripped off your body. You were not allowing this man to overcome you, regardless of his achievements.

You swung your sword and missed.

You missed again as he leaned back.

With one stomp forward, you were able to graze him. He growled once again as he attempted to hit you, missing as you leapt high and backwards with the help of the Force.

“My goodness, Supreme Leader,” you purred through the helmet. “I must admit, this is quite the introduction.”

At first, he didn’t say anything. He raised his lightsaber and pointed it at you. “Identify yourself at once.” his voice was low. You chuckled softly at the sound of raindrops hitting against your helmets, pellets tapping against metal.

You turned your lightsaber off and clasped it onto a specialized belt on the side of your dress. You raised the helmet off your head, allowing your tucked hair to flow freely and quickly become soaked by the rain. You glanced at the masked man with mischievous eyes, eyelashes fluttering and the slightest upwards curve of your lip apparent. Despite your confidence, you ached to know the face under the mask. With the mask on, he oozed a domineering, cold, and relentless identity.

The sound of his flickering saber filled the rain-heavy air. If it weren’t for the slight movement of his shoulders, you would have assumed he was frozen.

“I am your demise.”

Thunder cracked in the sky behind you and water spilled over your cheeks. You blinked against the heavy rain to discern any reaction from Kylo.

“Is that so?” he asked rhetorically, his saber still aimed at you.

“Do you doubt me?” you raised your voice.

Kylo shut his lightsaber off and trekked towards you menacingly. You walked backwards cautiously until your back hit the cement wall of one of your military bases. He looked down at you- you stood your ground and looked up, staring at your reflection in his mask. His helmet, which appeared to be previously broken, was forged with blaring red seams.

You suddenly felt a dull and blunt pain against your neck, the walls of your throat closing in on itself. Tears welled up and an incessant ringing made itself present in your ears. You managed to cough out one choke as Kylo used the Force to constrict your neck and tilt your head even higher.

“Yes, in fact, I do,” he replied. “I have far beyond the means to destroy everything you have built here, which isn’t much to begin with.”

You mustered up the strength to kick him in the shin- you weren’t sure if it hurt him or not, as he released the Force on your neck and replaced it with a leather-clad hand. A surge of excitement surged through you, especially in your fingertips and belly.

You wadded saliva up in your mouth and spit it at his face. It glided down his mask with various rain droplets. You were confident in the congregation you led- you were a descendant in a line of generations of independent leaders, a princess in a dynasty destined for greatness.  

“That’s your mistake,” you said in a hushed tone on account of the heavy tightening of your throat. “Your First Order does not have much to offer either, Supreme Leader. Perhaps your organization would be run better under the guise of one who knows how to rule.”

“I’m very surprised a ruler such as yourself would be so foolish with her words.” he released you from his grip and you coughed more until your breathing was stable.

“I only speak the truth.”

“You are blinded by your own arrogance, then,” he spat. “I suggest you give me the Wayfinder while your kingdom is in one piece, empress.”

You scoffed loudly. “No.”

“Alright,” Kylo began. “But when I find it after tearing your planet to shreds, the only demise that will be happening is yours.”

“An empty promise made by an empty head,” you rolled your eyes, straining your neck to look up at him.  “You’ll never find it. I’d rather die than give you such a thing.”

“I can arrange that.”

“I’d love to see you try.” you taunted, much to your own dismay; Kylo sought out to your little tease and grabbed the hair at the top of your head and slammed it against the cement wall. A painful pressure filled your skull for a brief moment, and the ringing came back. His fist gripped your hair so tightly you almost felt your scalp peeling away from your head.

He released your head and slid a gloved hand to your neck, pressing down on it with great strength. In one fell swoop you no longer were standing, but pinned against the stone ground. You blinked furiously against the rain. He raised his free hand and allowed it to hover over your face. You felt the Force waver around you, but not once did it infiltrate your head. Blood pounded in your ears and your vision blurred. The world around you sounded muddled. He did this for a moment too long, then tried again to no avail.

You looked at him with confused eyes, and slowly rolled them up and back in an attempt to view the war that sweltered on, though to you, it was upside down. Palm trees engulfed in flames as stormtroopers blasted at novawarriors. There was a slight comfort in knowing that they were also in this battle. Light spilled over your face for a second as lightning burnt the sky. Your attention snapped back to Kylo as he slammed your head against the ground once again, your brain throbbing with a searing pain and vision lagging so much you could have sworn you saw two Supreme Leaders.

“I can’t get into your head,” he stated. “Why?”

Your eyes rolled backwards and your head lolled until Kylo held it in place with his hands, which made your head feel small in comparison. “Good,” you said dizzily.

“Answer me.”

“I’m not- I’m not, quite sure,” you said politely, though your words were delivered with labor.  “I feel you all around me, your anger, your confusion. All of it.”

“No such thing is possible.”

“Your spirit is so strong, and yet you still haven’t killed me yet,” a smile creeped onto your face. “What, do you like playing with your food?”

You paused, then your smile grew wider. “Your thoughts say yes,” you said amusingly. “That makes this all so much more fun.”

Kylo glanced over to your exposed gashed shoulder that peaked through torn cloth. He gripped onto it and squeezed, causing you to yelp and arch your back against the agonizing pain. Blood gushed out of the open wound as you wriggled against his grasp. Tears pricked your eyes and you prayed to the Maker that he would let go.

“I believe you and I have contradicting views on what ‘fun’ is,” his voice was aggressive through the modulator.

“I-I disagree,” your tongue was drenched with saliva as you spoke. You waited long enough for the initial pain to subside and drone to a monotonous level of sharp stinging. It almost hurt so much, that it felt good, especially with his hand providing so much pressure. You discreetly flexed your hand and used the Force to pierce his head with psionic pain. He groaned and released your shoulder, to your relief. He gripped the sides of his helmet and slightly hunched over.

“Are you not amused, Supreme Leader?” you teased. At this point, the term “Supreme Leader” dripped out of your mouth as though it were an insult. One hand directed pain to Kylo, and your other inconspicuously reached for your lightsaber. You ignited it, immediately calling for your adversary to do the same.

You took the first step and glided your saber across his chest, slicing his tunic in a diagonal line. A monstrous roar bellowed from his helmet and for a moment you were afraid. He huffed and brought his lightsaber down upon you, which you missed. As both of you fought, tattered and on the brink of breakage, your complementary movements with one another mimicked that of a dance of two partners, each step coinciding with the next, and then the next after that, a mirror of two enemies.

You twirled backwards only to have him step forward, only for him to lean back as you launched forward in perfect harmony. It was clear at this point that it was impossible for either of you to best one another.

“No,” Kylo said as he twirled his lightsaber. “Not until I have what I want.”

“Sorry to ruin your day, then,” you smirked. You paused to watch him and listen to his thoughts. He was furious and convinced the Wayfinder was hidden in your palace. He was a beautiful monster hidden behind a mask, and you ached to see what face was under it. You hoped it would be attractive, at the very least. “You’re wrong, by the way.”

“What?” he barked, snapping his head.

“It’s nowhere near my palace,” you adjusted your grip on your lightsaber. “You’re wrong.”

“Get out of my head,” you could tell he was gritting his teeth. He stormed over to you, looking down at you once again. You gasped as you suddenly felt that familiar piercing, crushing pain at your windpipe. You squeaked and grasped at your neck. “You value your life, do you not?”

You scanned his appearance with desperate eyes for any sign of humanity- none. You nodded the best as you could, but all that showed up was a subtle head movement.

“That’s what I thought,” his invisible grip on your neck tightened then released you. You inhaled deeply and coughed, doubling over and falling onto your hands and knees. He enjoyed the sight, much to your surprise. “Do not mistake your breathing as of now as my sparing of your life. Your time will come.”

Kylo shut off his lightsaber and paced away from you and towards his stormtroopers, which surprisingly did a number against your own men. In the blurred, far distance, you noticed more trees were now on fire, as well as several small buildings. You rested your head on the wet ground as you watched his figure grew smaller the further he walked. You shut your eyes against the raging world around you, rage coursing through you and raindrops confusing with your now running tears.

#kylo ren #kylo ren fanfic #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren imagine #kylo x reader #kylo ren smut #the smut will come SOON I promise #agh I hope people read this

[kiwiimmellon134]

TURN IT OFF — PART ONE

summary — in which a gemini wedding doesn’t go as planned

word count — somewhere around 2.5k

paring(s) — vampire!poe dameron x fem!witch!reader / rey x warlock!ben solo

warning(s) — angst, a wedding, blood

notes — heavily based off of jo and alaric satlzman’s wedding scene from the vampire diaries. also the solo twins are in this so ben and kylo are different people in this

The wedding of Ben Solo and Rey was an event you worked your ass off to plan. Even though you was a witch, a wedding was something you wanted to plan naturally. No magic involved. Being a Gemini witch, however, did have its perks but it have many more disadvantages.

You were not born a twin, however Ben was a twin. They weren't 22 yet, which meant they were safe. But when they do turn 22, Ben and his twin would have to do something called the Merge. It's when two Gemini twins merge their magic. It's a battle of will and power.

The strongest twin will absorb the other twin's magic while the weaker twin dies. Then the victorious twin will lead the Gemini coven until the next line of Gemini twins are born. Now, Ben's twin— Kylo Ren— was put into a prison world because Kylo killed his foster family.

He was a sociopath. And the Gemini's locked him away. Ben and Lysa lived their lives free of Kylo Ren's shadow. Ben met Rey through you and they fell in love. You also had your own fair share of love with Poe Dameron.

You exhaled quietly and rubbed your hands together nervously, looking at the altar you prepared. You were wearing your bridesmaid's dress since you were the maid of honor. The dress was a nice lavender color and nearly touched the floor.

"Hey," A voice said from behind you. You turned around and smiled, already knowing who the voice belonged to. "Hi," You replied. Poe Dameron walked up to you, "You look nervous."

"It's not even my wedding and I'm anxious," You joked, laughing softly. Poe sighed happily and moved a strand of your hair behind your ear, "It's beautiful. Almost as beautiful as you."

You scoffed, "Get your twentieth century pick up lines out of here," You smiled.

"Oh come on, that line would've killed in the 90's," Poe replied.

"It's not the 90's, babe," You countered. You and Poe leaned in for a kiss. Another voice shouted your name, making you and Poe pull away from each other. Ben Solo beamed happily and walked up to his cousin.

"Hey, Ben," You smiled, hugging him.

"It's beautiful. You outdone yourself," Ben replied, hugging you back. You shook her head and pulled away from Ben, "It was nothing."

"So," Ben asked, looking over Poe and you, "When are you two gonna seal the deal?"

"We can't," You said softly. You and Poe looked at each other sadly and then Ben frowned, "Right."He said, "I'm sorry I forgot. He's immortal. And you're not."

"Yeah..." Poe mumbled.

"But that doesn't mean we don't love each other," You said, trying to lighten the mood again. "Right, Poe?" You asked, looking up at him and grabbing his hand.

"Of course," Poe answered, interlocking his fingers with yours.

"I'm gonna go finish getting ready," Ben said, "It's good to see you both." You and Poe smiled and Ben left you two alone.

"We could still do it," You said once Ben was out of earshot. Poe shook his head, "I'm not letting you throw away your magic for me. You love being a witch."

"Yes, but I love you too," You replied, letting go of his hand and turning her body to face him. "And if being with you means I have to give up my magic... Then fine. I'll give up my magic."

"Can-Can we talk about this later?" Poe asked. You nodded in agreement, "Yeah... The-The wedding starts soon... So... I need to go find Rey and make she's ready."

"Hey," Poe said softly, "Just because I don't want to turn you doesn't mean I don't love you." You nodded, "I know. You're just thinking about what would happen after... And I understand. It's risky turning a Gemini witch."

"I love you," Poe said.

"I love you too," You replied. You backed away from Poe and walked down the hallway toward the dressing rooms. You opened the doors and saw Rose fixing Rey's hair.

"Hi," Rose said, looking over her shoulder. You smiled, "Hi." You moved next to Rey, "How you feeling?" You asked.

"Good. I feel fine," Rey replied.

"That's good." You said softly.

"What about you?" Rey asked, "Are you okay? You don't sound happy."

You shook her head and smiled, "It's nothing."

"No," Rose spoke up, "What wrong?"

"It's just... Me and Poe, I guess." You replied.

"Is everything okay between you two?" Rey asked, worried. You nodded again, "Yeah... We're fine. I think we're good."

"You sure?" Rey questioned, "You've been acting weird ever since you agreed to plan the wedding."

"It's just..." You shrugged, "I might not get to do this. So... If I can help my friends do this then... That's enough for me."

"Right," Rose nodded in understanding, "He's immortal and you're not." Rey sighed and turned around, causing Rose to drop her hands from Rey's hair.

"Is that why you're upset?" Rey asked, grabbing your hands. "Because you and Poe might not have the chance to live a normal life?"

"I want a life with him. I really do... But... Normal just seems weird when it comes to our current lives." You answered. You sighed and smiled weakly at Rey, "I'm happy for you."

"I know you're happy for me," Rey replied, "But I know right now you're not happy. Have you talked to Poe about this?"

You nodded, "Yeah... We've talked about it." You shook her head and pulled her hands away from Rey's. "You're getting married. We're not talking about my relationship until after you've said 'I do'." You said.

About an hour later and the wedding was about to start. The sun had gone down and the moon was just rising. You were talking to Poe while drinking a glass of champagne. You finished your glass and waited in the back for the music to start.

Ben was standing by the reverend in the front, waiting for the ceremony to start.

Everyone began finding their seats and you exhaled shakily. "You ready?" Poe asked, handing you a small bouquet of flowers. You nodded and took the flowers from his hands.

"Yeah. Let's do this." You replied. The music started playing and you and Poe hooked your arms together and walked down the aisle. You and Poe unhooked their arms and walked to opposite sides of the altar.

Finn and Rose walked out after them and then did the same thing you and Poe did. After a moment, Rey appeared in the doorway and walked down the aisle. She smiled at Ben as she got closer and he happily returned the favor.

Rey walked up the small flight of stairs and in front of Ben. They turned to each other. "Welcome family and friends on this magical evening," The reverend began. "To the wedding of Ben Solo and Rey. I believe Ben and Rey have prepared their own vows."

Rey turned to you and you stepped forward and took the bouquet of flowers from Rey's hand and backed up again. Rey and Ben grabbed each other's hands.

Ben cleared his throat, "Neither of us should be here right now. We've spent our live dodging fate... And beating the odds. But because we did... I got to meet you. The most beautiful, hilarious, and intimidatingly brilliant woman I have ever known. You've inspired me. You've shown me that happiness is actually something that I can have in my life."

You glanced past Rey and Ben and met eyes with Poe. You smiled at him and he smiled back. "And so," Ben pulled the ring out from his pocket, "I promise to be with you and love you and dodge fate with you..."

Ben picked up Rey's hand and slid the ring up her finger, "For the rest of our lives."

Rey smiled as a single tear rolled down her cheek. Ben beamed at her and Rey couldn't keep her smile back. "Rey?" The reverend asked.

"Oh God," Rey said, "That's gonna be tough to beat." Rey sighed softly and grabbed Ben's hands, "Here goes. You are—"

Suddenly the doors flew open, catching everyone's attention. Kylo Ren stepped into the room and looked around.

"Oh my God," You whispered shakily.

"How are you here!?" Anakin Skywalker shouted, standing up.

"It took my forever, but I finally escaped your prison world," Kylo said.

Ben put a protective arm out toward Rey. "I was gonna wait until the 'till death do us part' bit, but... Seemed a little on the nose." Kylo added.

"Anyways, you all should watch what you put in your drinks. You don't know who could link all the Gemini's together." Kylo pulled out a knife and stabbed his hand. You exclaimed in pain, as did all the other Gemini's in the room.

You looked down at her hand and saw blood coming from her palm, although there was no wound, the pain felt too real. Ben winced and Rey looked at Kylo then Ben fearfully.

"What are you doing?" Katnina Arami asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" Kylo asked, "I'm killing you all." Kylo raised his hand and a loud ringing echoed in everyone's head causing them to scream in pain. Nearly half of the people in the room passed out from the pain. Kylo jerked his hand, causing the window to shatter inwards.

Kylo turned the knife on himself and stabbed himself in the heart. You screamed in pain, as did Ben along with the Gemini's in the room. "No!" Poe shouted. He used his vampire speed to get to you before your body hit the floor.

"Oh my God!" Rose shouted.

"Ben!" Rey yelled.

Poe bit into his wrist and held the open wound to your lips, "Come on, drink it. Come on..." Poe mumbled. You slowly grabbed Poe's wrist and pulled it closer to your mouth, drinking a couple drops of his blood to try and heal you.

Rose rushed down to Ben and Rey and tried to stop the bleeding from Ben's chest. "Why isn't she healing?!" Poe asked, turned to look at Rose.

"I think their lives are linked to Kylo's. Whatever happens to him happens to her and them..." Rose explained, crying softly. "I don't know what to do... I'm sorry."

Poe looked back down at you, "No, no, no, no. You're not dying." Poe said softly, "Not like this."

You coughed up some blood and cried in pain. "It's okay, I'm here," Poe said. Finn hurried to Poe and you as best as he could.

"It's..." You whispered, "It's okay..."

Poe brought you closer to him, "You're not dying like this," He said softly. You slowly moved her hand on top of his, "It's okay..." You managed to say softly, "I love you..."

"I love you too..." Poe replied, moving your hair from your face, "I love you too..." Poe could hear your heartbeat slowing down by the second.

"Ben..." Rey cried, her hands on either side of his face. "I'm sorry..." Ben whispered weakly. You exhaled softly and her hand fell from Poe's and onto the ground. Ben's head turned to the side and he closed his eyes.

"No!!" Rey screamed. Rose wrapped her arms around Rey in a comforting hug.

"Hey..." Finn spoke softly to Poe. Poe shook his head and lifted you up to him, he cried into your shoulder. Finn put a comforting hand on Poe's shoulder while also trying not to cry himself.

Poe pulled away from your corpse and looked around at the damage. There were dead bodies scattered around and glass littered on the floor. Then, you gasped for air and Poe looked down.

Finn, Rose, and Rey turned their heads in confusion. You coughed and groaned in pain.

"Holy crap..." Finn whispered.

"How are you here?" Poe asked softly, cupping the side of your jaw. You winced in pain and Poe saw a glimpse of what looked like vampire fangs.

Then he remembered you died with his blood in your system. "You need human blood." Poe said softly.

"Poe, what just happened?" Rose asked.

"She died with my blood in her system. She's in transition. She needs human blood." Poe said. Rose turned around and offered up her bloody hand, "Here."

Poe gently grabbed Rose's hand and led it to you. You looked at Rose's hand, smelling the blood on it. "It's okay. You need this to survive." Poe coaxed.

You took Rose's hand and licked a stripe of blood on the side of her thumb. Rose pulled her hand away and your eyes turned red and grey veins ran down from the bottom of your eyes.

"Poe?" You asked softly.

Poe helped you sit up. You looked around and barely remembered what happened before you died. You thought this was all a nightmare and you would wake up soon.

"What... What happened?" You asked.

But you were wrong.

"I'm sorry." Poe began, "Kylo came and he... He killed the entire Gemini coven by linking them together with some linking spell."

You shook her head in disbelief. You couldn't believe it. Your family was dead? Your witch coven was dead? Killed by someone you thought they handled a long time ago?

"No..." You shook her head, "No, no, no. You're..." You wanted to say 'lying' but you knew they were telling the truth.

"I'm so sorry, baby..." Poe said softly. Then Poe remembered what it's like being a newly turned vampire. "Hey," Poe said, gently grabbing the sides of your face, making you look at him.

"Listen to me, every emotion you're feeling right now it's heightened. It's bad, I know. You're feeling a lot of pain, right?" Poe asked. Now that he mentioned it, you did feel a lot of pain.

Your chest hurt, physically and metaphorically. Physically from being magically stabbed and metaphorically from your heart aching from losing your family.

Your mouth hurt. It was probably the vampire fangs growing in but damn did it hurt.

What you couldn't feel was your magic. It was the one thing you would have to give up to become a vampire. Your magic. You couldn't be a witch and a vampire at the same time. "But, you're gonna get through it, okay?" Poe added.

You had no idea what to do. You wanted to scream and cry. You wanted revenge. But the person that killed you and the Gemini's was already dead. You needed someone to blame. You thought it'd be easier to blame someone.

But you couldn't find anyone to blame. You pulled away from Poe and turned toward the ruins. You stood up on wobbly legs and Poe helped you stand on your own.

Behind you, Rose, and Finn stood up on their feet and watched the two vampires while Rey stayed by Ben's body. You took a couple steps forward before you turned back around.

"Why did this happen?" You asked, tears falling from your eyes.

"I don't know," Poe replied.

"They're all dead." You said, "My coven... My family. What am I supposed to do now?" You asked.

"I don't know what to do," You continued, "How am I supposed to— They were... I-I can't... I don't know how to..." You trailed off.

You began sobbing as you fell to your knees, overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions. Poe rushed to you and hugged you, bringing you close to him which allowed you to cry into his chest.

"I know... I'm sorry..." Poe whispered, stroking your hair.

#poe dameron x you #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron #star wars #writing #au

[happybeeps-nat]

Kisses #17 and Angst #19 together with finnpoe??? I would love to see it 👀👀

17: Kisses accompanied by sad tears, 19: "I may be dying, but please, don't cry over me"

A/N: You did it to yourself, babe. This is what would happen in the Whump!Verse if I didn't believe in happy endings.

Tw: mentions of blood, character death (as prompted)

________

All his life, Finn had felt a vague sense of direction. A pull here, a hidden path there, a voice in his head, always a feeling. Never had he been truly lost, never before had he felt blind and like there was no ground beneath his feet. Never. 

That is, until he saw Poe's lifeless body lying where Kylo Ren had pushed him with the Force. There had been no time to see if Poe got up, there had been no way of making sure he was okay, but this had been the plan! Poe would distract him, use his hubris against him and use the element of surprise and pave the way for Finn and Rey to defeat Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order. 

It had been the plan. Everything had gone according to plan. They won, Kylo Ren was dead, lying at Rey's feet. 

And Poe was not moving. Finn dropped his lightsaber and ran to him, heart racing, panic where seconds before there had only been adrenaline.

There was blood everywhere. Too much blood coming from a large wound in his stomach. Poe eyes were closed, he was barely breathing and paler than Finn had ever seen him. Paler than during his various panic attacks over the past few weeks. Dangerously pale. The kind of pale that had only one explanation. 

"Poe. Poe, we made it! Please, I need you to look at me. Come on, open your eyes. I need to see your eyes, Poe. Please." 

Finn grabbed his wrist, feeling for a pulse and finding only his own frantic heartbeat. He wasn't breathing right. He had to calm down, had to connect with the Force and heal Poe like Rey could. But there was no Force. There was no feeling, no path, no calm. There was only the knowledge that Poe was dying in his arms and there was nothing he could do because it was too late. 

"Poe," he sobbed. "Come on. Please." 

Going in, they had all been aware of the chance that Poe wouldn't make it out. That he could die with Kylo Ren who still had control over his mind. That he could be killed because he was the only one who didn't have the Force. That something could go wrong and Finn would have to- 

But seeing him now, struggling for breath, his body crushed and pierced and bloody, Finn found he was not ready. He was not ready. He could not do this without Poe, he couldn't, he didn't know how, he didn't want-

"Finn?" Poe breathed. "Finn." 

"I'm here," Finn cried, desperately trying to make his voice work. "You're okay, Poe, you're gonna be fine." 

"No," Poe said, closing his eyes again. "No, 'm not. I'm sorry, Finn." 

Finn frantically shook his head, tears running down his cheeks and landing on Poe's forehead. He wiped them away with shaking fingers. "Don't. Don't say that. Don't be sorry." 

"'m sorry," Poe pressed out through the pain he must be in and opened his eyes with the last bit of strength he had. "Sorry I forgot you. Don't wanna lose you again." 

"You won't, Poe. I'll always be right with you," Finn lied through his tears, but the sad smile on Poe's lips was worth it. 

"Prom'se?" 

Finn sobbed again and stroked Poe's cheeks. He kissed him gently with chapped, bloodied lips. "I promise."

"Good," Poe breathed, closing his eyes again and groaning at a wave of pain Finn swore he could feel, too. "You're crying," he said, trying and failing to take a deep breath, coughing up more blood in the process. "Don't cry, Finn. I… I may be dying but… please. Please don't cry over me." 

Finn shook his head and kissed him again, his own tears still running down Poe's cheeks. "Don't make me promise that. Poe. I love you. I always will. Don't… Please don't make me promise that." 

"Okay," Poe said weakly, trying to reach for Finn but he didn't have enough strength. He went silent, his breath more and more shallow. Finn had to help him, but he couldn't. He could only hold him. 

"Poe?" 

Poe's answer was a choked him as he opened his eyes again. Then he smiled at Finn, his eyes glassy and gone to a place where Finn couldn't follow. 

"Finn. Don't cry, m' love... D'n cry."

And then his breathing stopped completely. A few weak, shallow beats of his heart followed, then all signs of life vanished, leaving only a lifeless body. 

And Finn cried, pressing a series of kisses against Poe's face while tears landed where his lips had been only seconds earlier. Finn cried. And would never stop.

#finnpoe #stormpilot #whump!verse #ask prompt #mags baby you did it to yourself #sorry if this is incoherent i wrote this super quick because i felt like it #if anyone needs fluff after reading this feel free to send me prompts heh #nat writes #nat loves mags #angst #oh shit this is 780 words it got wayyy out of hand whoops

[pinecone5678]

Wildflower--Chapter 3-- Droids Have No Patience

Chapter 1 here  Chapter 2 here It’s also on AO3 here!  Hi here’s more of that Reylo Quarantine fic no one asked for. My hope is to keep going and maybe get a little steamy at some point who knows but for now here is this chapter!  Chapter 3

Rey--

Rey was still sitting at the table, food still steaming, when a little droid rolled to the table.

“Madam.” The little Ran-D unit chirped at her, the long arms reaching around her to gather up the dishes. It reached for her bowl when Rey grabbed it. “Not done?” It asked.

Rey shook her head and held the bowl to her chest. Confused as to how the Ran-D was here. Working when no one had lived at the house in some time. There was a little bit of dust here and there but for the most part the place was clean. Surprising.

The Ran-D just beeped at her and continued putting things away.

Rey began eating again, still confused, still unsure as to what the hell she was supposed to do now. She twirled her spoon around in the mush in her bowl and ate a large spoonful. Why would Leia send her on this mission. What was the point? If Ren was just going to cook for her and storm out like he always does, then why endanger Rey and her jedi training. Surely she didn’t think Rey could do anything.

The Ran-D whistled, the table was cleared and it had set out a glass of water. It now floated nearby, waiting.

Rey realized no one had ever cooked a meal like this for her. Not since she was a child left crying on Jakku. Stunned, Rey stood and set her bowl on the table. The water could wait. She needed the sourness of the wine still lingering on her tongue. It took everything the ex-scavenger could to not take the lightsaber in the umbrella stand and snap it in two.

Then she noticed, the lightsaber was no longer there. Then she heard the sound of property damage taking place.

The anger was quick to rise up in her throat and she let out a small “Ugh!” in frustration. She was never going to get anywhere if he insisted on throwing a tantrum anytime he didn’t get his way.

Nodding at the Ran-D, Rey took off through the house, following his Force signature down a set of stairs, through a door, and into a dark cellar with lightning quick flashes of red.

Ren wasn’t destroying the room actually, his moves were quick, succinct, and calculated as he slashed the air around a dummy. She knew he could sense her just as easily as she sensed him. Ren was shirtless again, the muscled back was to her. Before, she hadn’t gotten a very good look at him, the horror of seeing an enemy in a semi-vulnerable state had taken her by surprise. But now, with him so laser-focused on his training she could see the strength in his body as he moved. The absolute size of him was so intimidating Rey found herself grateful for her lightsaber. In a physical fight he would crush her. Literally.

The red saber clicked off, the room was the soft color of candlelight, calming except for the decapitated dummy head.

“Whatever you think you’re doing here. You can stop.” Ren said swiveled around to look at her. “Just, stop.”

Rey felt the anger rise again, “I’m here to find out just what you’ve done.” She jabbed a finger in his direction. “This planet is dying and you’re sitting here making meals for someone you hate. It’s pathetic!” She wanted to spit at him. This was complicated everything was complicated.

Ren tossed his saber on the soft looking loveseat in the corner by her and pulled his shirt back on. “If you’re done yelling at me, I’ll be going to bed now.” He tried to edge around her.

“Bed?! You practice for five minutes and you call that bed time?” She scoffed.

He was within inches of her face now, sweating and breathing very hard. “It’s difficult to practice when someone is staring at me and thinking about I look shirtless.” Ren was gritting his teeth, obviously trying not to yell for whatever reason.

“As if you don’t have bigger things to worry about than me thinking about you shirtless.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I think you know absolutely what I mean. Causing a pandemic for starters.”

That did it. Ren turned and called his lightsaber from the couch and had it out and pointed at her in an instant. “Alright then, you’re so hungry for a fight, let’s go then.”

Rey already had her saber out and on, breathing hard. “Tell me what you’re planning and we don’t have to.”

“I think you want to.”

There’s more I want than that. The thought came unbidden and was entirely unwelcome but there it was. Blood rushed to Rey’s face. What was wrong with her? And from the look on Ren’s face he heard her too.

In an instant his saber was off and he pushed past her without another word.

Shit. What was wrong with her?

Ren-----

What was wrong with her? She couldn’t think like that, talk like that, in a shared conversation with him. In one second, one thought they’d gone from wanting to kill each other to, well whatever she was thinking of. What he thought of quite often. One doesn’t offer to rule the galaxy with another without thinking of those possibilities.

As if he could ever not think of those possibilities. What was it about the scavenger from the middle of nowhere that set him on edge, set him on fire from the inside. He’d made her dinner to freak her out, to make her just as uncomfortable as she made him. All it seemed to have done was incentivize her to be more ridiculous than usual.

Why come all the way out here, bother him when he was bothering no one, and barge in on his family’s home. One of his family’s homes. His favorite. The pandemic right now was hitting the most populated areas of the planet the hardest. The little house on the other side of the castle was safe, he just needed to send the Ran-D out for more groceries soon.

Ren stalked into his living quarters, it was a guest room and bathroom when he lived here as a youngling but now he made it his own. Something that had not been the sleeping area of his old self or his parents. He didn’t want to think of his mother. And especially not his father.

It was a simple arrangement, one he liked best, but he couldn’t help cleaning the place up when he arrived. His stay was supposed to be for that of a week. But then he couldn’t locate  the wayfinders. And then the pandemic had surged, stopping his search. Kylo Ren would be unable to scour different regions without a specific pass required to cross the borders. He could just use the Force but that would alert a holy fire of Republic hell upon his head, one he didn’t need.

So he stayed at his family’s home. Pouring over maps with no one to answer to but himself. The First Order was fine as long as he was concerned without him. Let Hux have his little power trip for now. Supreme Leader Ren would return with a new path forward up and out of the miserable fight that had gone on for years.

It was nice to have his head to himself, at least that’s what he had until she showed up. The scavenger always seemed to arrive she was wanted least.

Ren was preparing for bed when he heard it again, that little knock at the door. Not the front door, but the door to his room.

“I know you’re in there Kylo, I just want some answers.” He walked to the door, she was pacing in front of it, the shadows moving under the crack of it.  “Your mother-“

Ren threw the door open, surprising her, “My mother what?” He snapped. Attempting to not launch himself at her, saber first.

Rey swallowed harshly, her hair was frizzy, creating a halo of sorts around her head from all of the walking outside. “Your mother wants to know where this sickness came from. It started around the time you arrived and I was sent here to-“

“To what? Kill me? Question me? Stop me? I don’t deal in coughs and fevers, Rey. I arrived after it started, I just barely made it here without getting the royal forces called down on my head.”

“Well,” Rey kicked at nothing with her shoe, “Maybe they have a right to. Just because you didn’t cause this sickness doesn’t mean you aren’t just as every bit guilty for what you’ve done and-”

Ren held up a hand, “I’m tired. You’re tired. Go find an inn to stay at or hell, find a bed here just leave me alone. I told you what I would do if I saw you again. Be glad I haven’t.” With that he shut the door in her face again. He didn’t know how long she was staying, just that he hoped she’d be out of here soon. 

#pleasedon'tkillmeifigetthingswrongiamnotstarwarssavvyiamtryingmybest #reylo #kylo x rey #kylo ren #reylo au #quarantine #naboo #rey x ben #rey x kylo ren #last jedi #star wars #reylo fic

[let-love-run-red]

The Adventures of a Single Father-6

AN: I’m so sorry loves, I know I said “this week” like two weeks ago but everything went up in flames after that. My S/O’s dad was hospitalized and I was caring for my grandma’s cats along with all my assignments from my classes, but here’s the long awaited next chapter! Again, I’m sorry for the wait :(

Tag list: @ktellmeastory​, @sincereleygmg, @0hour9am​, @siobhanlovesfilm​, @thefandomzoneisdangerous​, @darthseph​, @alyssah430, @pinkmoontribe-blog​, @ikbenplant​, @holy-kylo-stars​, @werosies​, @malefoygal​

When you walked into your apartment with the milk and batteries you were met by the sight of Laura perched on the counter top with Basilisk wrapped around her neck, watching the door.

"And she returns." Laura said with a grin as Basil flicked his tongue towards you. You smiled back at her before putting the milk in the fridge and tossing her the batteries.

"Awesome! The batteries in the remote were just starting to go out." She said, rushing towards the TV.

"Y'know i was thinking we could finally fix the controllers and play some more Battlefront?" You suggested. You heard a delighted squeal from Laura before she groaned.

"No (y/n) we don't have time." She said with a dramatic pout. You sighed. She was right, you had work tomorrow and she had the early shift at the vet's office. Besides, you needed plenty of energy to watch Cody tomorrow.

"Why do you have to be right?" You asked, flopping dramatically onto the couch beside her and leaning against her. She wrapped an arm around her shoulders, leaning back and stroking Basilisk as if he were an expensive fur ruff.

"Because I'm amazing darling that's why." She adopted a fake British accent and you giggled before standing from your spot on the couch and helping her up. Basilisk stuck his tongue out at you before turning to loop himself once more around Laura's neck

"C'mon, we should be going to bed." She said as she walked towards the hall that branched off into her room and yours. You followed behind her, pausing in her doorway as she gently untangled Basil and held him up to her face to make a kissy noise at him. She reached to place him in the tank when you spoke.

"Hey Laur," You said. She hummed in response. You missed your girl talks that the two of you used to have. "can I talk to you?" You asked. She immediately turned to look at you with concern painting her features.

"What's wrong?" She asked, walking towards you.

"Nothing, I just miss talking with you." You said. She smiled.

"Of course we can talk hun, go get your pajamas and we'll have a girls night. It's only eight." She held Basil up to her shoulders and he twined around her neck once more as she gently stroked his back. You smiled and walked to your room to change out of your work clothes at last and into pajamas. You walked into Laura's room to see her wearing a tank top and a pair of sweatpants with Kylo Ren's lightsaber on the top of the left thigh. Basilisk was draped lazily across her shoulders as she clicked away on her laptop.

You settled yourself on her bed next to her, pressing your side against hers, pulling the buffalo plaid blanket around your shoulders and bumping your nose against Basil's when he looked at you curiously. Laura pressed play and you watched Geralt of Rivia appear on the screen.

"The Witcher? Really? You didn't get enough of him in the game?" You teased. You knew Laura had a bit of a crush on Geralt.

"Hey shut up, be nice to me." Laura said, tossing a pillow at you and tugging at her blanket.

"Does Chris know about your hard on for Geralt?" You teased.

"Of course he does, he's got one for Geralt too." She said. You laughed and rested your head on her shoulder after making sure Basilisk wouldn't be crushed.

"So what'd you want to talk about?" She asked softly. You groaned.

"I don't know. Adam I guess?" You said. Laura immediately sat up and looked at you.

"Are you finally fucking him?" She asked quickly. You gave her a bewildered look.

"No?"

"Dammit, we thought the two of you would be fucking by now." She said. You blinked at her.

"What?"

"(y/n), honey, it is so obvious you like him. Like, you're worse than Chris and I were." She said before leaning over the edge of her bed and pulling out a plastic box filled with bags of chips and boxes of crackers. She pulled a bag of chips out and a few napkins and opened the bag before popping one in her mouth. Basil leaned out to scent the bag and dropped off Laura's shoulder. Laura sighed and picked him up, placing him back around her neck.

Obvious? How was it obvious? Did Adam know? Had he picked up on it? You felt heat rising in your cheeks as Laura held a chip in front of your mouth.

"Eat it and ask your questions." She said. You opened your mouth and crunched the chip before speaking.

"How obvious?" Was your first question. You hoped to God Adam didn't know how hard you'd fallen for him.

"Ok well obvious to me but I live with you," Laura looked at your face. "but I doubt Adam noticed. He's got Cody on him 24/7 that seems to be his main focus." She said before popping another chip in her mouth. You let out a breath.

"So, what about Adam did you want to talk about?" Laura asked, not really even paying attention to the show anymore.

"Well you apparently know I like him," You said with a chuckle. "i'm watching Cody tomorrow." You said. Laura gasped before coughing violently. Basil lifted his head and opened his mouth wide. You picked him up and gently pet him until Laura stopped coughing.

"He's letting you watch his kid?" She asked, turning to you with a red face and teary eyes. You chuckled and used your sleeve to dab at her cheeks.

"Yeah, he's got work at like 7 I guess, i'm going over at 6:30." You said to her. Laura wiggled her eyebrows in a joking way and you giggled, pushing her shoulder gently. She lay down on the bed, holding her arms out for Basil. You handed him back to her and she gently took him, kissing the top of his head as he wound around her hand.

You lay in silence with her for a few moments, watching her fawn over basil and listening to the Witcher in the background. You didn't want to go to sleep just yet, but you couldn't think of anything else to tell her.

"Laura, do you think I have a chance?" You asked, turning to look at her and rested your head against her shoulder.

"With what?" Laura asked in a high pitched baby voice as she stroked Basil's head.

"With Adam you dingus." You said with a laugh as you pushed on her stomach.

"Hey! Be gentle, I might be pregnant for all you know." She turned to look at you.

"Ew gross don't put that thought in my head while I'm laying on your bed. Basil, I'm sorry you've had to witness that." You said sarcastically, putting your face in front of Basil. He flicked his tongue out and Laura chuckled.

"I do think you have a chance. He seems to like you, I mean he's letting you watch Cody." Laura said with a yawn. You stretched and rolled over so your back was facing her, and she reached over to scratch between your shoulders.

"Laura we should go to bed." You mumbled as her hand slowly stopped moving to rest on your back. She let out a soft snore and you turned your head to see her lying on her back with Basil on her chest as she snored with Basil curled around himself, breathing slowly.

You smiled, slowly getting up and picked up Basil, placing him in the elaborate tank Laura had set up for him with his humidifier, plants, and his heat lamp. It was almost a miniature ecosystem in itself enclosed in a 100 gallon tank. Basil slithered into his enclosure, promptly curling himself under the heat lamp. You slid the door shut on the front of the enclosure before pausing the show on Laura's laptop and shutting the screen. You gently pushed Laura's shoulder until she woke with a snort.

"Chris no let me sleep." She mumbled and you chuckled.

"Not Chris, best friend (y/n)." You said. She groaned and opened her eyes.

"Bed, c'mon." You said, poking her again. She let out a huff.

"I was in bed." She argued, rolling off the bed and helping you put the snacks away.

"Yes but you can't sleep with a bag of chips and box of snacks on your bed. I'd be a bad roommate if I let you." You said. She waved you away after giving you a quick hug, and you ventured to your own room for the night.

**

The next morning Adam was in a frenzy. Every time he thought of or did anything relating to Cody, he left a note on a sticky note to tell you where and what it was. Where his diapers were, formula, his favorite toys, his best blanket, the mittens he hated, the clean bottles, the large blanket he used for Cody to crawl on, to make sure you watched Cody because he liked to try to crawl into the back half of the apartment which was Adams wood shop and he hadn't fixed the baby gates yet so they kind of just pushed open and, and, and...

Adam wrote another note and stuck it to the top of the gates when he walked past it.

It was 5:54, you said you were going to come half an hour early so Adam could show you where things were and how to do feedings and to only try a little bit of the baby food jars because he was only seven months but Adam still wasn't totally comfortable letting him eat solids in case he was allergic or it upset his stomach but Dr. Garcia said he should but, but, but...

He wrote another note and stuck it to the shelf the baby food was on.

Then on second thought, he pushed all the jars to the back corner of the small pantry and put the box of minute rice in front of them.

Then pulled the formula from the pantry and set it on the counter. Then shut the pantry door so he wouldn't have to think about it. He heard Cody babble happily and looked into the living room to see Cody standing and clinging onto the couch.

"Dada!" Cody called, reaching one hand towards Adam before falling back onto his butt on the blanket. Adam walked over to Cody with a smile, picking him up and snuggling him against his chest. Adam playfully blew a raspberry at Cody while touching his cheek to Cody's, and Cody let out a squeal and a giggle.

"You excited little man?" Adam asked Cody, pulling him away and holding him up to look at Cody. Cody smiled his toothless smile. Well, almost toothless. Adam furrowed his brows and sat on the couch, sitting Cody on his lap as he gently opened Cody's mouth with his pinky finger. Cody squirmed as Adam brushed his gum. His bottom incisors were just starting to poke through his gums.

"Oh god why today?" He wondered aloud. He felt terrible leaving (y/n) with a teething baby, he remembered how bad Caroline said Sample was when her teeth started coming in. She would constantly scream, cry, wouldn't eat, and could never be soothed. She had gone nearly insane and Adam had to come watch Sample for a few days while she went out.

Though, he remembered how easy it had been once he got there. He had held her and comforted her, talking quietly to Sample as she cried into his shirt. She had finally stopped crying and fallen asleep against Adam's chest after nearly an hour of him pacing the room. As long as he held her, Sample was fine. He had made a bottle of formula and she'd taken half of if before crying. He'd spent the rest of the night coaxing her to eat and comforting her when she refused to let go of his shirt.

Then the memory soured when he remembered shortly after that Caroline had walked out on Laird. What was it with women he knew and walking out on their babies? He shook his head and looked down to see Cody chewing on his own hand. Adam gently pulled Cody's hand from his mouth, using the hem of his shirt to wipe the drool from Cody's mouth and chin. Cody squealed and tried to pull his head away from Adam's touch. There was a knock on the door and Adam's head snapped up as he instinctively held Cody closer to his chest. He stood to open the door to see you on the other side.

"Hey Adam, I'm not too early am I?" You asked with a grin. He felt a smile he couldn't control cross his face as he looked at you, your perfect (e/c) eyes that complimented your (s/t) skin and (h/c) hair, the nervous way you shifted your weight between your feet and the way your smile sparkled.

"Not at all, come on in kid." He said, not able to stop himself before using the nickname on you. You took it in stride as you shrugged off your coat and set your purse on the couch where he'd just been sitting. You turned to face Adam, ready for him to tell you what to do when you noticed a sticky note on the diaper bag by the door. You raised an eyebrow as you looked around the apartment.

There were sticky notes on the doors, the knobs, toys on the counter, on the cupboard, the bottles of formula in the kitchen, the door to Adam's room, the bathroom, nearly everywhere.

"Trying out a new organization system?" You asked with a chuckle, reading one of the sticky notes on the front doorknob. It read "I don't think Cody can reach this" and you chuckled. Adam's face turned red, the tips of his ears that poked through his hair turning red as well. You smiled and approached him, saying hi to Cody.

"So what do I need to know to watch this little guy hm?" You asked, making a funny face that caused Cody to giggle and squeal delightedly. Adam smiled a little bit, happy to just watch the two of you interact, but eventually cleared his throat and passed Cody off to you before walking you through the kitchen and explaining where everything was, how to make a bottle for Cody, and where the emergency numbers were listed.

He walked through the rest of the apartment, pointing out potential hazards and making doubly sure you knew about the gates of the wood shop, and that Cody liked to throw his toys behind the large African blackwood bookshelf he'd made and then cry when he couldn't reach them. Adam said if that happened, don't worry about it he would get them when he got home because the bookshelf was heavy and even he could barely lift it. He didn't know why he mentioned that part, some part of him liked being strong for you but he didn't know why. He shook his head and led you towards his room, taking a deep breath before opening the door.

You'd be lying to yourself if you said you weren't curious about Adam's room. You knew your apartments were similar and two of the largest on the floor, and the rear half of the living room had been turned into Adam's wood shop. But you were surprised when he opened the door. You hadn't been expecting to see his mattress on the floor surrounded by stacks of acting magazines and screenplays. The blankets were bunched up like he'd just gotten up and the pillows were piled onto the other half of the bed. Across from the bed next to the radiator Cody's crib was nestled against the wall, with his changing table in the corner.

"Ok, his diapers are on that shelf under the changing table, and his clothes and blankets are, well, here." Adam said, stepping past you and walking towards the oak bookshelf between the two closets. He patted the middle shelf, the one at perfect chest height for him. He continued patting each shelf with Cody's things on it and explaining what each one was. Blankets, onesies, small outfits, diapers, nearly everything Adam could need during the night was stacked on the bookshelf.

The quality of the bookshelf, both this one and the one you'd seen in the living room, were amazing. You could tell Adam had put time and effort into making them both, and wondered why he didn't make woodworking his career. He could definitely make a pretty penny if all his work was up to this standard.

"Also, one more thing, I'm so sorry." Adan said, wincing slightly as Cody started fussing and chewing his own hand. You gently pulled his hand from his mouth and gave Cody a soft smile before tilting your head to Adam.

"He's teething." Adam said, waiting for an outburst.

"Aw poor man," You held Cody in front of you, "I'm sure that hurts little bud, I know growing is tough." You said, holding him close to your chest and patting his back.

"That's not a problem Adam, do you have any teething toys?" You asked. Adam looked lost and you chuckled.

"They're usually little rings with water inside them, they've got kind of a hard plastic?" You described the teething toys you'd used when babysitting before.

"Oh those things, We got a bunch when Hayley threw herself a baby shower." Adam said, opening one of the closets and digging through a bin at the bottom.

"Hayley didn't think they were cute enough for him to play with so, they just kind of got thrown in here." He said, emerging with a handful of teething toys in varying shapes and colors. You smiled, taking a fish shaped one and passing it to Cody. He took it and examined it before biting one of the fins at the back.

"I'll show you a trick Laura taught me." You said, taking some of the other teething toys from his hand and walking into the kitchen.

Adam watched you as you walked, admiring the way you moved, the way Cody seemed so comfortable with you, the way you supported his body perfectly and held him close to you. The way you talked to him, cuddled him, were there for him. He wouldn't mind waking up to you in his bed, caring for Cody. He wouldn't mind you curling yourself against his chest at night so he could hold you and protect you, welcome you into his little family.

He quickly shook his head when he realized you'd been calling him.

"You alright?" You asked with concern. Adam smiled and nodded.

"Yeah kid, yeah I'm good." He said. "So what trick did Laura teach you?" He asked. You grinned, opening the fridge and setting the teething toys on one of the shelves, placing one toy in the freezer.

"Sometimes having the toys cold helps, I don't know why but Laura's mom ran a daycare for eleven years with Laura's help and they both swear by this." You said with a smile as Cody continued chewing on the toy in his mouth.

Adam watched you as you watched Cody. He resisted the urge to step forward, hold both of you in his arms, pushed down that protective urge in him. It was there with Hayley, it's there with Cody, now it's there with you, and that scared him. He trusted you, he wanted you to be his. He wanted you to be part of his little family in his little corner of the world, tucked away in his small apartment in New York where he could keep it safe.

You looked up from Cody, seeing Adam looking at the two of you with a soft smile on his face. You felt a heat creeping into your cheeks as you looked back down to Cody, trying to suppress a smile. You didn't mind Adam looking at you like that. Actually, and you would never say it out loud, you liked it. You wanted him to look at you like that forever, wanted to fall asleep with him looking at you like that. You shook your head and glanced at the clock.

"Uh, Adam it's 6:45." You said. Adam quickly snapped himself out of his daze and looked at the clock frantically.

"Shit!" He called, running to the front room and slipping his feet into his boots, bending over to tie the laces quickly.

"Adam, calm down it's alright." You said comfortingly. Adam let out a sigh as he finished tying the laces, standing up and digging around on the table by the door for his keys. You walked towards the table, reaching under a piece of paper and handing Adam his keys. He smiled and thanked you, before quickly rushing out the door after saying goodbye to Cody.

"Alright little bud, we're gonna have fun tonight yeah?" You asked, holding Cody up in front of you. He giggled, pulling the toy from his mouth and reaching towards you.

"Mm-a!" Cody said delightedly as you tilted your head.

"Mama!" Cody squealed, finally forming the word. You blinked, slightly taken aback. If you'd expected anything from Cody it was certainly not that. You didn't even know he could speak yet.

You'd have to mention it to Adam when he got home.

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