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bluest-planet · 11 months

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Wasn't gonna tag this originally, but if you follow me for my current chaiflower atsv fic, although it has nothing to do with it, being on the tag for atsv on AO3 has really made some things apparent to me.

Specifically how the fandom, and the fic writers on ao3 writes for the characters and their subject matter.

Now, dark fic and taboo subjects in fanfic isn't a new thing and it's never going to go away. Which is a good thing, bc the second we demonize and try to censor that kind of stuff, is the second we loose a lot of the kinds of stories we can tell.

Writing is a medium for humans to experience something with no stakes. Be it dangerous or just a good time, it helps us explore our thoughts, and feelings of scenarios we might never have to face but prepare us, or have already had to deal with and help us deal with those scenarios.

I'm also not gonna police anyone and tell em what you can and can't write fanfic about. Do whatever the hell you want, and make sure to tag your shit appropriately, it's a common courtesy and it's a bad thing to not do because even if you don't face any repercussions for it; do you really want to be the one people avoid because of a bad rep?

Moving on, let me just preference; I am an aroace person. I am also Mexican/Salvi. I think Miguel is cool complex antagonist and I'll admit he does have a sculpted ass lol. He's cool and conventionally attractive, with a neat personality people can mess around with. I get why there's a thirst for him.

But I think we should acknowledge how... He's treated by the fandom. Especially during that first week of spiderverse coming out. I don't mind smut, I just ignore it and move on with my day if smth doesn't appeal to me. But when you don't put fics under readmores, or put in tags so it's seen by everyone ur gonna have to deal with people skimming or having a base understanding of what kind of smut n stuff you're writing.

I'm not kinkshaming or anything, you do you, but it quite frankly has made me (and maybe a few others I've seen but don't quote me on that I only speak for myself.) Uncomfortable with this 'Latine Lover' trope people have stapled onto Miguel. I can imagine it's worse for his comic fans, but sometimes people really do be out here writing wish fulfillment smut fics where they're plastering their, kinda racist stereotypes and fantasies onto this Mexican character. If that was it tho? I wouldn't be making this. Because I know that eventually it would die down as time passes and we'd all move on.

Then came the flowerfang/MilesxMiguel (or any other of the spider teens) fics.

Look, again. Dark fic is a part of fandom whether you like it or not, it's up to your personal decision whether or not to engage with it. I don't. But I do think some people should be self reflecting and analyzing why these are being written at the high rate that they are and if you enjoy them or get something out of it is fine, but just be aware and critical of what you're reading and not let it cloud judgement or the actual characters' movie portrayals. It's so easy to let fannon dictate how you view characters, which are often dumbed down and stripped of their original identities for instant gratification.

When these characterizations become wildly accepted, it's often not an issue because people don't have to read it or engage with it in their own little corners. However it ends up highlighting the racism prevent in these spaces. Because to me, it feels like a lot of this is coming from white or young fic writers (although that maybe might not be the case, but I'm trusting my gut here. No shade to young writes either lol I'm close in age w the spider kids) Doing what they want with these amazing black and brown characters and low-key ruining the fun for non white fans, specifically Black and Brown fans.

Fandom is only a safe space and escapism for white fans, and anyone else is forced to carve out their own space and safeguard it from these racist depictions.

When Miguel is not being painted as a 'Latine Lover', he's a predator, or a violent monster, hypersexual Mexican man, or a creep, or someone who's unreasonably angry worthy of no redemption. It makes him so terribly black and white, and while he may be a dark gray that doesn't negate the fact his complexity is being washed away so these writers can have a clear villain who fits this view of violent Latino men hurting women, and kids.

And while I still have this view of a cool antagonist, and can block tags for my own safe experience, that doesn't fix the fact that his character is going through this fanonization with an abundance of dark fic will change perception. Things don't just disappear if they're outta sight. It's still there. With an oppressive force and sour after taste to see how bastardized he's becoming to a majority of what fics are being created and setting precedent for.

Same goes for Miles; saved by the fact he's a young, smart, skinny kid and the protag. But that doesn't spare him from his own fanonization as this meek, weak, soft, baby, cryboy who needs to be comforted or face the worst trauma ever in order to get some trauma porn/wump outta him bc that's all he can be used for apparently. Instead of the confident, heroic, creative, outgoing and friendly kid who sticks up for what's right. I can't speak for black fans and how they feel about this characterization of him. But as a latine fan?

Miles is amazing. He's funny and cool, he's young and talented, and he doesn't take anything from anybody because he's been taught right. I may not be Puerto Rican but Miles is just.... Such a good representation for other latines. So to see him be striped of these traits a lot of the time for others that have been exaggerated; clumsiness, awkwardness, emotional availability, sweet, and caring attitude taken too far it's bad.

Part of it is the racism. People see this dark skinned boy and babyfy him to make him less complex, take away the sharp edges for something soft and malleable, something more digestible and able to process for their own needs. And another part of it is;

Writing is hard.

Believe me! I'm a fic writer! It takes me a long time to write, I edit, and I go back to add or take stuff out, I rewatch or reread whatever I need to make sure I'm doing my best with these characters and somehow try not to fumble the bag with my own scenes and how I interpret their character and relationships to tell a good story to my standards.

And sometimes I still get it wrong!

Which is totally normal! Hell! You don't have to even do all that, fic writing should be fun. You wanna write that chatfic, dark fic, one shot, smutfic, fix-it? Do it! Find your creative drive and do something with it! You get better the more you try!

Sometimes people write and don't realize what they're doing. They're doing it for fun and maybe don't consider some of these problematic traits they're writing. Or they don't know how to approach the character, dumb em down so they can start easy at first, and then get comfortable writing like that instead of slowly getting better with time bc it's for fun.

I take the steps because I want to make something accurate and introspective, not everyone is like that. Even I like wild fun chatfics or crack fics once n a while to shut off my brain.

But you're gonna have to learn that not everyone is gonna like what you write. That if properly representing the characters is what you want, you take that time to put all the love and care into that writing. Putting in that extra work does wonders, and it makes you a better writer! And it creates a good space for others to feel welcomed into!

I didn't even get to how Pavitr Prabhakar is also woobified most often than not, or how discarded his girlfriend Gayatri is in favour of gay shipping (although she doesn't have much screentime, and his ships aren't with white characters so I get why it happens.), Or all the drama I didn't even know about till recently around Punkflower, and Hobie's character. But I'm getting tried so let's wrap this up;

Fandom is gonna fanon. Yes we are responsible for our own experiences and what fan content we engage in, but that doesn't mean we should also turn a blind eye to racism, problematic tropes, or bad characterization. Just because it outta site doesn't mean it's outta mind, and doesn't effect others. I'm not saying harass these creators, no. They are people and at the end of the day they're not hurting anyone and just creating like you are. Leave them be.

But what I am saying is that you have to be the change you wanna see in fandom. As cheesy as that is. You gotta create and encourage the people you do like and enjoy the works of, and foster a fandom that does more than take the easy route. With time we might just win out the bad white fanon.

Or maybe not.

But at least we tried, and we made our point.

(and for the folks who do struggle or participate in these racist tropes or portrayals and fanonized characters and realize their mistake or want to do better; I encourage you to take a step back, rewatch the movie of you can and really study the story and characters. If not? Then listen or read the posts of black and brown fans. We're not all right, and some even have bad takes, but try to broaden your circle. It'll help you make your writing better. I'm not mad, I don't hate these writers. They have their own amazing moments and fics it's great! They're not villains, they're just people doing what they think is fun. They just need a push in the right direction sometimes.)

#atsv #across the spiderverse #atsv fanfiction #atsv fandom #blue speaks #long post #do not send me hate or try to argue with me. this was just my 2 cents and im going back to my hole.#say your peace in the replies and nothing else no rb on this one #this was wordvomit and not planned so again. don't come at me these are just my observations.#hope this doesn't come off as antagonistic bc its not supposed to be its just a warning #telling people to put more thought into their fandom and creative spaces and be critical (not in a mean way)#i am not going to fight with you. and i do not intended this as a call out or an attack on the people who do this #this is supposed to be a learning experience for all of us #thank you and goodnight #i WILL delete this if people come at me and refuse to interacd again w the fandom if they do #i can live blissfully in peace w/o caring about fandom drama #do NOT call anyone out in the replies either i will delete the post eother u guys are not attacking each other either #if i have anything to say about it on my post.

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tobiasdrake · 9 months

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It's amazing how time changes your perspective on things.

Bruno is offered an incredible opportunity that will shape his future, but he's reluctant. Going to CalTech will mean leaving Jersey behind and leaving Kamala behind. This is part of the quasi love-triangle that the show is teasing in its second episode, between Bruno-Kamala-Kamran.

When I was Bruno's age, I'd be sitting there like, "Don't do it, Bruno! Stay with Kamala! You're meant to be together."

But now I'm a grown-ass man. I've lived a life, and I have the perspective and wisdom of decades. And. Well.

The thing of it is, Bruno/Kamala isn't even a thing. They're just friends. They've seemingly never broached the subject of anything more. Bruno's jealous of Kamran due to Kamala's attraction to him, but there's no indication that Bruno's ever actually sat down with Kamala and been like, "Hey, are we a thing? CAN we be a thing?"

And if he's never taken that step, then he doesn't have a leg to stand on when Kamala starts making googly eyes at the handsome new guy in town.

Like. He doesn't seem malicious about it. I'm not accusing Bruno of being a "Nice Guy" who's only pretending to be Kamala's friend or anything. But it does feel like Bruno's made some assumptions about the nature of his and Kamala's relationship, and the arrival of Kamran is forcing him to have to confront that reality.

To be honest, I'm not even sure if Bruno wants romantic Bruno/Kamala to be a thing... Or if he's just afraid of change. Bruno is so close with Kamala that he's practically family. He helps out her parents even when she isn't around and he gets invited to religious/family events. He even conspires with her to undermine their authority.

And so it leads one to wonder. Is Bruno's jealousy even rooted in an actual desire to have a romantic relationship with Kamala? He's literally about to graduate high school, and yet he doesn't seem to have ever even made a pass at her. Or has he just grown comfortable in the status quo of two best friends monopolizing each other's time; A status quo threatened by Kamala's new romantic hopeful?

Does Bruno even want to be Kamala's boyfriend? Or does he just want to be two best friends kicking back, talking about Avengers, and making cool sci-fi cosplays forever? Because a lot of people his age don't realize that the latter is actually an option - Even if it does mean sharing your time with your friend's S.O.

But regardless of what the answer to that question is, it ultimately doesn't matter. He should still go to Caltech either way. I don't want to say something pithy like "People come and go but your future is what matters!" or something. I mean, like. This is the age where most people start to lose contact with their childhood friends. But some people do stick it out. If Kamala and Bruno's friendship is so strong, I think they'll be okay.

And especially in the digital age, it's easier than ever to stay connected with people. But a chance like this? His counselor was right; If he turns this down, he might never see an opportunity like this again. There is a certain age at which you no longer have the opportunity to grow into the person you will become; You already became, and now you have to live with the consequences of who that person is.

So as hard as it is for him (and for fans who relate to him) to face, the best thing he can do is go to Caltech. Something even Bruno ultimately realizes by the end of the show.

#marvel #marvel cinematic universe #ms marvel #bruno carelli #kamala khan #kamran

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the-winter-jedi · 2 years

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I need to put this somewhere I can organize my thoughts.

In about a month, I'm getting ready to start my HRT journey. This is something I've been mulling over for the past 11 years. When I was 18, that's when I first really started to question my gender identity. At first, I wondered if I was transgender because I never quite felt like a "girl." This was well before I had the vocabulary and understanding of gender as a spectrum. After some self reflection, I didn't quite feel "truly" trans because I had no desire to completely become a man. I've always been fond of my feminine body and have no desire to physically alter it, save for starting hormones.

Looking back on my past, experimenting with my different gender roles started as young as kindergarten for me. I'd always want to play the chivalrous prince or other male-centric roles, but I also loved being the cute, girly princess. Age 12 was when I really started to experiment with my gender presentation, but I never felt like I could be (birth name) and be a boy at the same time. So, my solution was to create an "alter ego" and call him Scotty (thanks to watching EuroTrip at the time lol). Before I fully developed and went through puberty, it was so much easier to be androgynous and gender fluid, but growing up in a small town, I didn't have the vocabulary or the knowledge to understand what I was going through at the time. Keep in mind, this was also between 2005-2011 when gender identity wasn't widely talked about either.

Throughout my late teens and early 20s, I discovered genderfluid as an identity. Around age 24 or 25 was when I started to give up trying to look masculine, because I never felt like I could "pass" and trying to look masculine caused me to feel more body dysmorphia than the gender euphoria that I craved. So, for a while, I started presenting more hyper feminine, and only occasionally playing around with a masculine-type presentation if I was really in a mood on any given day, but I would never go out in public, unless it was in a queer space. Even then, I always felt insecure about being perceived as a "butch lesbian" rather than genderfluid.

Around May or June of this year, it dawned on me that I very well might be agender. This idea came to me when my roommate asked me what gender I felt like when we were dressing up for an event. My only response was "no" as I laughed it off. However, now that the ball is finally rolling for me to start HRT, I'm wondering if I might start leaning more towards being genderfluid again if my meatsuit can match the way I feel inside. Part of me wonders if I would feel more comfortable in my femininity if I had at least the option to present more masculine when I want to. In addition to HRT, I'm also looking into getting a good quality binder from For Them (forthem.com) once I get some spending money.

I've always had an attraction to femboys, not as a fetish like a lot of people seem to have on this site, but more out of body envy. From age 18, I found myself wanting to look like a twink and dress girly if I want to. However, being assigned female at birth, all people see is a cis woman, and not a femboy. It also doesn't help that I have an hourglass figure complete with 36DD breasts and an ass like a peach. With this kind of body that I have, I also turn to weight lifting and bodybuilding as a hobby, because if I'm going to be perceived as a girl, I may as well be a muscle girl because a lot of people do perceive them as masculine. Hopefully once I start T, I can actually start building the kind of masculine body that I want rather than building up the feminine body that I have.

It feels better to get everything out in the open like this. Hopefully things will start coming together in a month once I get my antidepressants stabilized and start on my hormones. I have an appointment with my doctor to talk about it soon and it was a huge relief to know that she has extensive experience treating transgender and gender non-conforming patients. Wish me luck!

#transgender #non binary #gender noncomformity #they/them #fae/faer #gender dysphoria blues

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casspurrjoybell-23 · 24 days

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LOST and FOUND - Chapter 3 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

I walked into the bookstore, feeling equal parts nervousness and excitement.

The little bell over the door announced my arrival again and this time Harrison did look up.

He still looked grumpy but notably less scowly.

Once he saw that it was me, he nodded and looked back down at what he was doing on a laptop set up at the register.

I slowly walked over to him, hoping he would look up at me again.

He just continued typing on the computer.

I shuffled my feet, not knowing if I should say something.

Eventually I said...

"Is there something you want me to do?"

He finally looked up at me, studying me for a long while.

I realized I was even more attracted to him today than I had been last week.

I had always had a thing for older men but all my crushes in the past had mostly been on teachers and other men totally unattainable.

Harrison was the first older man who seemed to show slight interest in me too.

And I mean slight.

I licked my lips and his eyes focused there.

Maybe more than slight interest?

All I wanted was for him to look at me with lust in his eyes.

I wanted him to desire me.

I was young, I was cute.

What kind of guy could pass that up?

I gave him a small, flirty smile which caused him to frown and look away.

This guy was going to be hard to catch.

"You can start off by walking Sherlock," he said.

Sherlock?

I blinked, remembering that I was actually here to work.

Those books had really been helpful so far and I wanted to tell him.

I wanted to thank him but I felt like I would only get a frown in response.

Who the fuck was Sherlock and why was I walking them?

Harrison gestured behind the counter and I walked around to see a geriatric dachshund curled up on a dog bed. I

cooed and kneeled down on the floor next to him, lightly petting his head.

He woke up and yawned widely, then snuggled back into his warm bed.

His brown fur was sprinkled heavily with grey and he was a bit chubby.

"It doesn't look like he wants to go for a walk," I said.

"Sherlock, walk," Harrison said.

He had the same stern tone with the dog that he did with me.

"Want to go for a walk?"

Sherlock didn't move.

"I'll get his leash," he said and disappeared into the back room.

"Poor thing," I cooed again, petting the dog's head.

"Having to deal with that mean, old man, all day."

Harrison cleared his throat and I looked up to see him standing there, holding a small red leash.

I realized he had heard what I said.

I smirked until I saw his expression.

I couldn't tell if it was anger or embarrassment, maybe both but either way I didn't find the situation amusing anymore.

Harrison said nothing to me and bent down to clip the leash to the poor old thing.

His matching collar had been hidden in the folds of his skin.

Chubby guy.

Sherlock seemed to get the picture after that and he yawned once again, standing up to go for a walk.

Harrison handed the leash to me and I took it but as soon as I did he turned away from me and looked at his laptop again.

I felt rejected.

I shouldn't have called him old.

I got the sense that he didn't like that.

I waited a moment for him to say something but he ignored me.

I sighed silently and turned to leave.

"Be careful," he said after my back was turned.

"Stick to the sidewalk, don't cross any streets. Try to be back in twenty minutes."

I nodded and left hurriedly.

I didn't know if he had been concerned about me or his dog.

Hopefully both of us.

After we were out of the store I said...

"What do you think, Sherlock? Do you think he likes me?"

He didn't make a sound and kept a slow walking pace.

I didn't think this guy got anywhere quickly.

"He's super handsome," I continued as if the dog had responded and we were having an actual conversation.

I sighed dreamily.

"I think I might annoy him though. Maybe I'm too young. Too immature?"

I walked at a snail's pace behind Sherlock.

"I just want him to like me. Guys my age don't know what they want. They just want to fuck around, get laid. Older guys though, they know what they want. They're mature, they can... take control. My last boyfriend just wanted me to suck him off while he played video games. Gross. He could never even get me off when he fucked me. That wouldn't happen with an older guy. They're... experienced."

I realized I wasn't totally sure that Harrison was gay.

I mean, he looked at my ass last week.

That meant he had to be, right?

I supposed I should find out for sure before this crush went too far.

I kept up a constant chatter as I walked Sherlock and we ended up making it back to the store right on time.

Harrison immediately looked up when we walked in and the first thing I noticed besides him was that there were customers in the store this time.

A few actually.

I guess I was beginning to think that he didn't do any business.

He didn't say anything so I bent down to unhook Sherlock's leash.

I figured he would waddle back to his bed but he stayed close to me. Harrison motioned me over to him and Sherlock stayed near my legs.

Harrison brought me over to a cart with some books on them and said...

"I want you to put these in alphabetical order. You do know how to alphabetize, don't you?"

His tone and his words caused my lower lip to jut out and I looked away.

"Yes. I'm not stupid."

He was silent and when I looked back up at him he had a guilty expression on his face.

He actually felt bad for hurting my feelings.

I don't know why but that made my crush on him bloom even further.

"Yes, well," he said, clearly not knowing what to say.

He felt bad but he obviously wasn't going to apologize.

"Get to it then."

He quickly spun around and went back to laptop at the front counter.

Sherlock curled up by my feet as I worked.

Customers in the store kept coming up to me and asking questions but since I didn't actually work there and knew nothing about the store, I had to direct them to Harrison who continued to work at the front counter.

When I was done with that task, Harrison had some books for me to put back on the shelves.

Sherlock continued to follow me around the store.

After a few more tasks, Harrison said I could leave.

I looked out the windows at the front of the store for first time since I'd brought Sherlock back and saw that it was dark outside.

I felt an overwhelming sense of dread that I wasn't going to be able to catch a bus back home.

Harrison must have read my expression because he said...

"Do you need a ride home, Beau?"

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arcane-abomination · 9 months

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hello, my names angel.

i'm here to ask a question that would help a very internal battle right now, i'm not sure if you can answer and no need to feel pressured. please ignore this is it's too much, etc.

but, i wanted to ask - i've had six animals this year / last year pass. all of old age / old age complications, and you might be saying "damn, that's a lot and i'm right there with you (i did everything i could which is why i'm so perplexed). my rabbit, domino was the first animal of mine to pass and after her, it's literally like she caused a domino effect. my hamster went next, then my two rats, my dog, and today my fish.

i've always had this deeply overwhelming empathy towards animals, in ways, way too much. i thought for a while that maybe all this death was meant to be, I've had one hell of a life and one of the only basic human emotions i hadn't experienced yet was grief. death scared the shit out of me most of my life and it was like the universe was telling me that it was time to experience it. after domino died, death became something… beautiful to me? almost peaceful. i became obsessed with animal bones (in a healthy way) and how strangely beautiful the unknown / creepy is.

i've been involved with my craft since i was 12 years old and i want to ask if experiencing so much death can be a sign that i should get into death work? like, am i attracting death because of some sort of energy i have? (not to sound egotistical lol). and i don't mean bad death, but in a way like, am i meant to help these animals pass?

i say this because one of my rats and my fish, i had to nurse in their final days. i had to medicate my fish and hand feed / keep my rat warm. my hamster passed in my arms. it was like i was helping them pass on but does that sound too nice to be true?

am i attracting death in a bad way? is it a curse? i don't know and i know this is a lot so please do ignore and pretend this doesn't exist if you please

but if you do try to answer, i appreciate it either way. thank you for listening.

please have a good day, thank you.

Hello there! Thank you for trusting me to answer this question! Here is my answer coming from what I know and what I’ve learned in my years.

Are you attracting death? No, not unless you’re mistreating them, and from what I read I don’t believe you are. Death is a natural thing that comes to us all. It comes to everything in different ways and at different times. So why does this feel like it’s all happening at once? Well for starters, you said death scared you, so having it happen to your rabbit might have made you extra aware of its presence. As a rabbit owner myself I can say that while rabbits can live up to about 10 years or so depending on the breed they are actually very difficult to look after properly. They can get sick super easily and as you said all your animals were old. And old rabbits especially often get sick very quickly from seemingly nowhere.

Then there’s your hamster and rats. Unfortunately rodents have a notoriously short life span. Typically only 2 to 3 years on average. So them dying so close together is very plausible. Especially if you got them around the same time. Same thing with certain breeds of fish. Having animals that die quickly can seem ultra overwhelming to some people especially when you have multiple passing so close together. Your dog as well was most likely just a coincidence.

Now is this a sign? Well no but also a little yes? Signs are signs because they have meaning and while I don’t believe you’re attracting death or that the universe sought out to kill all your animals to make you face your fear, it’s a reality that always brought you such discomfort so you most likely just really REALLY noticed it’s presence as you have. Feeling it as a sign to work with death magick and heal/build your relationship with death is definitely a good idea and I would most definitely say you should go with that feeling.

Now again, this is just my interpretation. I don’t know if others with have something different to say or not but in any case I hope that I’ve helped you even a little.

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mrpenguinpants · 3 years

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Spider’s Thread [Reverse AU]

Possessive Red Xiao x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Commissioned for: @profoundwitchsalad

Art Credit: @ruoyeahs

Warning: Unhealthy relationships.

Prompt:

“You’ve ruined my life because I have a warped idea of what love is and I can’t live without you. But now you’re trying to leave me and I won’t allow that. You left me alive. You have a duty to live for me and by me. I’m not letting you go.”

---

Xiao Semi Series

[ Friendship ] [ Falling in Love ] [ Cuddles ] [ Protective ] [ Affection ] [ Jealously ] [ Opposites Attract ] [ String Of Fate (Soulmate) ] [ Fainting ]

Link to original posts: [Red! Xiao.] [Reverse AU]

[Masterlist]

Alatus was once told a story by his Master. A sinner who falls into hell is rewarded for his only good deed, choosing not to kill a spider. As his reward, a thread is lowered down for him to climb out of Hell. In the end, the sinner remains in Hell because he kicks aside others and the thread breaks. Alatus doesn't remember why his Master told him this story but he still empathizes with the sinner. He would have done the same or asked for this 'saviour' to extend their hand down instead. That way he could pull them down.

"Xiao? Are you okay?"

He slowly opens his jade eyes to see you hunch over, peering down above him, eyebrows furrowed together in concern as you reach down and softly tap his temple. He allows you to take a moment to do whatever you want with his face before he reaches up to grasp at your wrist gently, holding back on his want to rub circles into your skin. His reminiscing can wait for now.

"What is it?" he asks curtly, sitting up and resting his elbow on his raised knee. You pout at his curt tone but shrug it off as you take a seat next to him and lean your shoulder against his. You dig into your bag and pull out slips of commission papers and hand it over to him to read through what needed to be done today. A few Hilichurl camps needed to be taken care of, sabotaging a slime balloon, all tasks that seem mundane to someone who fought in a war. As he's preoccupied, you take a moment to look at Xiao's face. He's just the slightest bit unnerved whenever you do this because you always seem to know what's bothering someone.

"Were you dreaming of her again?" you ask quietly. The silence is a good enough answer but you nod understandingly. You never knew his Master personally but you did fight a long strenuous battle against her. From one look you could tell she was a manipulative and cruel woman. While it may not be very kind to say, you were glad that with her passing, Xiao would be free from her physically. But mentally...there were still some things to work out. But Xiao was a very reclusive person, especially with his emotions, so pushing him any further would only make him irritated and closed off.

"Venti and Zhongli are joining our party for a bit if that’s alright. They'll help out a lot with our commissions and travelling. I like Liyue a lot but climbing mountains stresses my shoulders out," you laugh as you change the subject to something less depressing. Standing up as you dust your clothes off before turning to Xiao and holding your hand out for him to take. He stares at it hard for a few moments before huffing and reaching over to clasp your hands together.

It has been so frustratingly peaceful since the war ended. He's not used to it and he can still feel the lick of cutting winds and the heavy pressure of rocks against his body when he sees the bard and funeral parlor consultant just on the horizon. If it were up to him, he wouldn't play nice with these two Archons but they're important to you so he bites his tongue until he tastes blood. He knows the Archons do the same. As soon as the two of them spot you both, Venti is already rushing and tackling you to the ground in his excitement.

"Traveler! I haven't seen you in ages. You need to come and visit Mondstadt more," Venti cried into your shoulder as you awkwardly patted him on his back. Always with the dramatics but you cared about Venti all the same. Xiao scoffed before flicking his jade eyes to meet gold as Zhongli stared down at him cautiously. Since the war ended, everyone seemed to have this warped idea that Alatus had some vendetta against the Gods and Celestia but he was fighting because he was told to.

"Xiao. It's good to see you again," Zhongli said to him. Xiao just nodded in acknowledgement. Even with this new mortal form, Morax never bothered to change his eyes. His gaze alone held the weight of the mountains he had thrown. If Xiao hadn’t been under one of them before, he might have crumbled under the pressure.

"Alright alright, Venti. I promise I'll drop by sometime this month but we still have commissions to do!" you laugh as you haul the bard onto his feet and swat his cape down from the speckles of dirt. He grins cheekily at you, linking pinkies with you to seal your promise, before suddenly lighting up as if he just remembered something.

"Actually! Before we start anything, I need to speak to Mr. Zhongli and Xiao. Super important archon things, you know?" Venti nodded to himself as the two mentioned people stared at him with varying levels of confusion. But Venti just waved their worries off and linked his arms with both men as he dragged them off to a more secluded corner with a surprising amount of strength, “We’ll be right back!”

"Do what you need to do but don't take too long," you called after the trio as you trailed off to the side, messing with your bag of commission papers and gear. Xiao hated that. He knows that these two Archons are your...friends.. but shouldn't you be a bit more cautious? Just because they have mortal forms doesn’t make them human, it doesn’t make him human either.

"Hey, there's no need to look so scary. There really is something important I wanted to talk to the two of you about," Venti speaks up as soon as you're out of earshot. It still gives Xiao whiplash whenever he drops the persona and switches back to Barbatos. "Since Morax is the only Archon I trust with this information and, while I don't trust you one bit, you're the one that's with her all the time you should also know. She's ascending to Celestia."

Barbatos gauges both of their reactions. Morax seems visibly surprised, his eyes slightly widened a fraction, while Xiao has no idea what that means. His Master didn’t exactly give him a history lesson on Celestia or Archons, just pointed to who was his enemy and dealt punishments when he failed.

"And what the hell does that mean?" Xiao asks as he crosses his arms. Venti appears for a second as the bard pouts before continuing.

"It's like I said. A mortal who performs great, heroic feats can ascend to Celestia and achieve godhood. Where they will watch over their people from above. I've only seen this once before so it took me a while to recognize the signs. But 1000 years ago, I helped a woman named Vennessa with her ascension and with the traveler's recent actions with winning the war. Well, you don't need me to explain the rest," Barbatos finishes. Zhongli simply hums as he cups his chin and absorbs what's just been heard. He doesn’t seem troubled by the news at all.

"Have you told her about this?" Zhongli questions as he looks towards the direction that you left. Venti shakes his head. “That would mean that she would vanish from this world."

“I know she loves this world. Whether she wishes to ascend or not isn’t my choice but I want her to continue her travels with that beloved smile on her face. But if she does choose to ascend, she will need our help," Venti stares at the two of them in a mix of pride, sadness, and determination. "Can I count on you two for your help?"

It's a complete white noise in Xiao's ears as his surroundings fade out. He thinks he can see Zhongli nod to Venti wishes, the ever calm smile on his face to match the cheery grin on Venti’s. What, now you want to become a God? Leave this world behind? That’s not funny. You made him give up everything. While in your eyes, your blinded hero syndrome, you think you've liberated him from a soulless conquest but he still has nothing. You still took everything away from him and your only compensation was to have him by your side until he left himself. But now you want to leave without a warning? That’s not fair. You don’t get to take back what you owe. He won't allow you to leave him behind.

“Did something happen? Did Venti say something unnecessary again?” you ask out of the blue. Zhongli and Venti had returned to their respective regions once your commissions were all finished. Since the three of them disappeared to talk Archon business, Xiao had seemed even more tense and aloof than usual. As if he was out of it? You knew that everyone was still suspicious of Xiao and they were angsty to leave you alone with him, but you knew Xiao would never do anything to hurt you. When he doesn't answer, you slowly reach over and you subtly nudge his head up onto your lap and look at him curiously. Before reaching down and cupping his cheek. He leans into your touch before turning his face into your palm and leaving a soft kiss. It makes you giggle at the ticklish feeling as you look at him so softly. It annoys him.

"You were never connected to the war and yet you fought against us anyways. Even when I killed so many people, why did you choose to spare me?" he asked as you blinked at him before giving it some serious thought. He went on a rampage and almost destroyed the world. It was fun. He doesn't have any regrets at all because he hated humanity. His own Master was human after all. But then you appeared and stopped him. A random outsider that wanted to play the hero. He thought it was cute. Perhaps he had underestimated the lengths someone would go to to save the world they loved but when he fell defeated at your feet. He said that this wouldn't change a single thing. He would still scorn humanity and what they did to him. He was so sure he would die there but you chose to extend your hand down to him instead despite what your companions felt. Even when the war ended and he had nowhere else to go, you offered him to travel with you. Nothing changed about his mentality, every person that chose to talk to him was quickly scared away with piercing eyes. Every conversation started would end in silence. Every touch would be met by the tip of his spear. But you would link your hands together with his and smile brightly, and he would always end up forgetting his trauma for a moment. You’ve... become precious to him.

"I love this world and everyone in it. You are a part of that world even if you tried to destroy it. It...didn't seem fair to leave you behind when you've suffered just as much," you finish but it only seemed to spark a wave of deep anger inside of Xiao. He quickly lurched up, almost knocking your forehead with his, before grabbing the scruff of your shirt collar and yanking you forward.

"Cut it out with that "love of everything" crap. It's revolting. So you're saying the people I killed weren't worth avenging? Do you think I'm so weak that I need protection? It's one thing to try and please everyone but at least have some awareness would you?" he snarled as he pushed you to the ground. He knew he was being harsh on you and you had every right to walk out and abandon him but you didn't. Of course, you wouldn't. You needed him as much as he needed you. You just reached over and tenderly reached your hand and placed it next to his. Damn it, why is he always the one stuck worrying about you.

"Then you want to protect me, right? Then don't break your promise. You left me alive which means you have a duty to live for me," he takes your hand in his and squeezes hard. Digging his nails into your own until crescents appear and tiny specks of blood appear so you know he's serious. He doesn't care how you interpret his words, just so long as you never leave him.

"Don't die on me, Hero."

It's been a few hours since the conversation so it's pitch black outside but Xiao was never one to sleep. Even if he could, his mind is too loud to fall asleep too. He's startled when you melt against him fully asleep. Honey smooth as you curl up to his warmth and cling to him like moss to a rock. He can feel his cheeks start to flush as his heart begins to pound against his chest. He can't breathe as his world is filtered through each beat that drums against his ears. He's not sure if there's actually something wrong with him or if it's just been a while since someone got so close and his instincts haven't left.

He's just realized it. He's feeling pain. The feeling in his chest is black but he can't claw it away. It's strange in a way that he can't explain it, that he's never felt before, that he's never felt the need to experience. His life had been warped by battle and a constant push to submit to his Master. They are all things he knows but the gentle words that come from your mouth, the bright eyes that hold the world, the horrible ice-hot feeling inside of him is so foreign yet too easy. He doesn't like it.

It makes him feel...clean in a way. Enlightened perhaps? His Master is long gone and it's like you said. He's free now. Free to make his own decisions and live his life how he wants to. He carefully turns over so as to not startle you away as he really looks at you. You look so peaceful in his arms, eyelids shut without worry, face slack without nightmares, breathing so softly against him. If you weren't so close to him that he couldn't feel the rise of your chest, he wonders if he would think you were dead. He stares at the lock of hair swaying back and forth with each breath like a starved man. The strange feeling doesn't stop. He hates it. It's everything that goes against him and what he knows and everything he should want. He's supposed to be the villain in your story, he should kill you right now-

"Xiao..." he hears you mumble beside him as you lean further into his arm. Damn it. How low is he going to go?

“What are you thinking about now? You just need to think about me. Don’t think about anything else...but me” Xiao sighs before he wraps his arms around you and pulls you into him until you're snug against his chest. Close to him, where he can touch you, where you belong. Not with Morax or Barbatos. Not with humans but beside him. He closes his eyes and nuzzles his head into your hair and he stares off into the distance. The feeling never leaves him for the remainder of the night.

"Ah! There you are. I was running around crazy looking for you," he turns his hair to see your flushed form pulling yourself up onto the mountain cliff, "When I woke up I couldn’t find you anywhere! You gave me a scare there."

He hates you. He hates you.

Words of his previous master ring in his ears, almost as if her very soul is wrapping around him as she whispers in his ear how weak he is. Ones with power that refuse to take what they want because they rather live in the comfort of nothing. Be greedier, take what belongs to you.

"Xiao?" you say as his piercing eyes stare directly through you. His Master always told him that she loved him. Even if he hated her he still clung to that false love. Of being wanted. Isn't love for a single person vile? Would feeling such emotions for one person instead of "everyone" bring you down to reality? It's not fair that you've crawled your way into his heart while you walk along in bliss. Now that he thinks about it. It was so simple. He just needs to monopolize your thoughts and love. This time it won't be as friends.

"I love you."

He'll pull you down to where he is. You extended your hand down to hell so it's your fault. He'll drag you down kicking and screaming if he has to. You left him alive. You have to live for him and by him. He's not letting go.

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ivesambrose · 3 years

Text

Pick a gif which tugs at your heart and/or evokes a long lost memory or a dream. 💙

To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at [email protected] 💫

You've prayed for them, manifested them into your life. You've asked and received.

They've broken tradition in some way. Either in their family, social group/community or they will be the one who breaks your usual type.

A very good listener. Has a penetrative gaze, their facial expressions are actually very emotive. You'd actually find it fascinating.

Anytime they're stressed they'll go and take a walk or be out in nature. They gather inspiration from there as well. They value they quiet time but they also work well with others. They know several people likely but trust very few. Probably have this same set of close friends for the past several years. They don't really open up easily but their aura is comforting. Pretty non judgemental and grounded.

A leader / has latent leadership qualities in a group setting. (can have a strong Aries or Mars influence in them)

Might be into puzzles, board games, putting things together.

Experimental and changes their look often. But they pull it off brilliantly.

Looks really good in red and / or white.

Strong morals, strong sense of right and wrong. They could be going through something but it's not easily visible on their face. Could have an air rising (gemini, libra or aquarius) or can keep a poker face.

Very attractive. Since they do change their appearance often they have definitely bleached their hair at one point. Fair skin with a sun-kissed glow / tan to them. Broad - strong shoulders, narrow waist, strong legs. Might have played sports or is good at sports. This is someone who learns things relatively quick given how attentive they are.

I'm tempted to say they have daddy vibes. Yes even if they identify as female. They have the BDE.

Ambivert but leaning a little more towards the introvert side. However in social settings they do handle things well given their confidence regardless of how shy they can be. However once you get to know them they'd be very quirky and funny around you. The kind to randomly do a weird tik tok challenge but for you/close friends/cuz they felt like it and not the camera

Cinematography, cinema, editing, photography.

Well travelled, street smart and knowledgeable.

They love hoarding knowledge, you'd be surprised.

You'll meet them when you leave a place/location or situation that's been causing you stress and giving you more anxiety and repression than peace and progress. Highly likely during travel or once you've relocated to some place.

Sensual. So damn sensual and captivating. They look unreal sometimes honestly it's intimidating.

Something about their voice is downright so enchanting and sexy. You can't help but feel attracted to them, it's almost annoying how drawn you feel. (possible lilith rising, could have scorpio and taurus or capricorn placements) I mean I wouldn't be surprised if they sing, have an asmr channel, are a speaker, spokesperson or representative etc

Very dreamy, rather spiritual as well. They definitely have faith in something that they feel is above them. They seem a little prone to really vivid dreams as well as nightmares. Might even be a bit clairvoyant or Clairsentient.

Secure in their business and career might own a business actually. Thing is there is a lot of goals they want to accomplish. But they're not the kind to stall it, they actively go for it. They don't care, they'll achieve it. Especially if you tell them that they can't, then they definitely will. However their ambitions aren't the shallow kind, they really do want to leave a mark or simply express themselves for how they are on the inside.

Either they look like a complete softie, care bear, mom friend or they look like a siren or what Christian Grey thought he was or they have the aura Eric Draven had in The Crow or Maleficent carries. There's no in between. They switching positions like that Ariana song.

They have the most kissable lips.

Highly likely have tattoos because they love the sensation of getting inked.

Tall, lean, Dark hair, dark eyes, beauty spots, really nice hands. Look really good in every shade of blue and green, black (definitely black) and even certain floral or geometric prints. They may also like wearing accessories a lot.

For some reason I saw a crown.

Emotional and intense, they need a creative outlet of expression or they shut down. Like, I kid you not they need to at least once completely lose themselves in something then come home and pass out on the sofa.

Expect a lot of thoughtful random gifts and display of affections from them. They're a bit possesive, I almost feel they can be a little bratty but oh when they look at you, they have eyes only for you. Talking to them is finding a best friend from a life you have no knowledge of but yet it feels right.

Sincere

Trust

Romantic

Passionate

Beach baby / loves the water. Doesn't really like the cold as much.

They may have a pet? They seem to be very good with animals.

You'd meet them when you feel really good about yourself, you'd be really feeling yourself or would have achieved something. Making travel plans or setting your next goals it might even be night. It'll feel perfect actually, right it happened at the right time. You'd be getting signs though but I feel you'd be preparing yourself for other exciting stuff to take proper note of them and boom it happens.

An explorer, a seeker, a student who wants to keep learning, keep being a ray of sunshine in everyone's life.

They seek their soul family/found family or would really want a family of their own someday. Very good with kids likely or at most, very patient with different types of people.

Honestly if they were a Pokémon they'd be bulbasaur.

Regardless of their age they're very youthful, the inner child is intact.

They might dress very vintage or old school. Very laid back actually. Also something about walking barefeet on wooden floors came up. They look they belong in a old photograph / polaroid almost. I'm not getting much on their looks besides they look like they belong in a painting or old polaroid. They feel like home, they feel like laying in a field and relishing the golden hour, they feel the the type whose hand you'd hold and run off with. Red and browns are definitely their color, they pull of the muted tones really well. (almost thought of Taylor Swift's Willow music video)

Might have a strong aquarius and capricorn influence in their chart as well.

Their upbringing may not have been in the best conditions but they've worked very hard or are working very hard to improve their quality of life or give back to their family in some way. In some way they've turned their life around. They did a full 180. Crazy.

Deep voice. Warm whispers.

Honey in tea.

Carnations, lilies and red grapes.

They'd like to celebrate the little victories in their life with you. They get happy over the simple things so much, I can just feel my heart melt because of this person and their smile. They're so affectionate and kind and it's making me tear up almost. Wow.

Also they smell really nice. Flowery notes maybe?

They love touching foreheads.

Might play an instrument or paint.

Honestly, I kid you not. They feel straight out of a fantasy book. The closest characters I can think of is Westley from Princess Bride, Aurora from Maleficent and Belle from Beauty and the beast.

You'll likely meet them when you've shut out something toxic in your life. You may not even be looking for love, this might be after a break up even, you may even be escaping a situation or be away from a gathering and be around New people / faces you aren't as familiar with when this happens. Your anxiety will ease around this person. You might even had a passing thought or dream of this scenario before it happens but you'll brush off the thought thinking that isn't possible or something, then you'll be in for a surprise regardless.

#free readings #tarot community #divination community #Pick a card #Pick a gif #pick a picture

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tswwwit · 3 years

Text

I underestimated again.

So here's Billnesia, part four of five, because I dithered over the actual Realization moment for long enough that now I have two different drafts of it.

In the meantime, please enjoy a portion of what Bill's thinking!

--------------

This is infuriating.

Bill leans out of the window, eye narrowed.

If the kid was honest. This whole thing is a nine out of ten on the weirdness scale. When you factor in Bill being nonhuman, the kid not knowing much about him, and never about the body mystery -

This might be a tough puzzle to crack, but it's nowhere near impossible!

It’s just one attractive young guy, and Bill has obviously planned for this! After all, the body’s perfectly designed. He wouldn’t even be wearing one, if not for this exact, explicit purpose!

Dipper Pines, however, is deliberately being a headache and a half.

He coulda given in ages ago, yet he's keeping Bill at arm's length. Which could have been chalked up to the memory thing, if the sarcastic little jerk didn't obviously enjoy it.

Bill drums his fingers against the windowsill, frowning.

The kid’s talking to his sister again.

Looks like she’s offering ‘advice’, and ha! Good for her! At least one of them knows what’s up. She caught on to things before even Bill realized his original plan.

Now that he’s caught up with most of it - He’ll buy her stickers, later. She deserves a gold star, or some other shape, for helping things along. Obviously she doesn’t know the real deal, or she wouldn’t be acting as a cheerleader.

Which means Bill’s plan was working. He got here, and he got involved, completely undetected -

Up until the whole ‘memory’ thing happened.

Bill leans his elbows on the windowsill, chin in his hands.

Dipper Pines doesn't seem swayed by any of the inaudible yet very helpful advice. He's grimacing.

Good thing this body’s so convincing. Everyone’s still fooled. The sapling might know a hint about his nature, knows he's not what he seems - but he clearly hasn't had a sniff of the dangerous, handsome reality.

Bill is a demon.

And yeah, that took a little reminding, but c’mon! What’s a guy supposed to think, when he wakes up all four-limbed, and so full of blood and organs! It’s hardly the most logical leap.

Bill knew something was off from moment one. Waking up felt weird, felt wrong -

But there's not a lotta supernatural things shaped like this. Uncomfortable? True. Existing in this form? Very, very true.

From there, it was a matter of narrowing down the options.

‘Vampire’ seemed kinda likely, what with the teeth - but blood was only interesting in the normal way. Not a zombie, either, he’d got organs still pumping along in this torso, and he wasn’t hairy enough for even a thoroughly waxed werewolf.

Dipper Pines’ little comment crossed ‘Human’ off the board entirely.

Bill could honestly thank him for the reveal, and the relief - But since the way it happened was super annoying, eh, he’ll pass.

Then the word ‘demonic’ struck a tuning fork against Bill’s being.

Bill knew what he was again.

He could feel the living shell around him, holding him inside. Filled with blood, and perfectly tailored to his form. And hey, both comfy and realistically human is hell of a combo! Whoever designed this thing deserves a favor.

Bill taps his fingers against the splintering wood, watching two young mortals in an argument. He grins.

He has a plan, and it’s going to work.

The town, the forest, the monsters - nothing has hit right, or reminded him of anything. Wandering around to prompt his memory was a total waste of time.

Bill’s really not from around here.

Dipper Pines wasn’t lying about that. If anything, it’s his best insight! If that guy knew how on the nose he was, he’d have been way more cautious.

It's 'cause Dipper Pines has contracted with a demon. In the permanent way, ‘cause he’s not dead -

Bill watches his sapling throw his hands in the air, and stomp off into the house. His sister giggles on the porch.

And he’s not all that happy about it.

Even now, Bill can almost feel the kid stomping around the first level of this whatever-it-is shack, hovering around the coffeemaker. Sulking, too. He’s so grumpy, it’s adorable.

Now that Bill knows what he is, and what contract that the kid’s under - it’s all too simple!

He’s in a body because it’s part of his plan.

His heist, even.

Bill can almost picture it.

For the most part, anyway. He’s not sure which idiot he was trying to get one over.

Some demon approached this mortal. Offering him power - that part’s obvious, the kid’s got a lot to work with - and they leashed him into a contract. It's a pretty rare type of deal, but y’know, everyone’s got their own thing! That alone wouldn’t be much cause for attention.

Until said demon flaunted his ‘prize’ around, like an idiot.

Some smug jerk marched into demonic public with his newest toy - while said toy probably had that one really frustrated look, where he’s all pink in the face and tense - not quite angry enough to say anything -

It’s a great look on him, Bill can admit. It mighta caught his attention.

And if that life talent came with the mortal package - with the kick the kid has - who wouldn’t perk up at that? A friggin’ pocket healer for material forms? If your body can’t be fully destroyed, you’d never get fully kicked outta reality!

And with a cute, fun mortal involved...

Yeah, there’s no way Bill would’ve passed up that chance.

Nobody goes into detail with a contract deal these days. There are always loopholes, if you can spot ‘em.

But if someone did. Like, say, a smarter guy than the original contract writer, donning a handsomer, more human-appealing body -

Bill was right on track to ruin some idiot’s day. Stealing the goods shoulda been simple.

He’s living here, with said mortal. He’s spent hours upon days upon weeks getting to know Dipper Pines, and making inroads with him. His living status in this place means he’s made significant progress.

Right up until the memory bullshit parade came tromping through.

Dipper Pines doesn’t know what Bill is. Not yet. After getting contracted, there’s no way that guy’s not paranoid about demonic everything.

A big part of this plan is screwing over some demonic chump, sure! And the mortal’s downright adorable.

But the best part is that Dipper won’t ever see it coming.

The door to the bedroom slams open.

Bill tilts his head. He hears the mortal tromp through the room, and stands up straight, smirking -

He feels a forehead thunk between his shoulderblades.

“Ugh.” Dipper Pines leans his soft mortal face against Bill’s back. “I hate my sister.”

Bill snorts. “You’re really crap at lying.” He feels an ineffectual fist tap against his shoulder, and raises an eyebrow. “Seriously, you need lessons. It’s almost pathetic.”

Some demon took a trophy mortal - and didn’t teach him jack shit! What a waste. This guy seems to have some brains, he could improve!

“I was exaggerating,” The mortal’s still leaning against him, letting out a long and tired sigh. “No lessons, either.” Bill gets thumped again, this time on the arm. “You’ve been a bad enough influence already.”

Bill narrows his eye.

What have they been doing here. He can’t ask, it’ll give the game away. Curiosity is an itch he can’t scratch.

Bill grins instead. “I could be worse!”

“You’re already the worst,” Dipper says, with that strange tint of fondness to it. He hits Bill on the side with all the force of a down pillow.

Bill rolls his eye. He’s still grinning. He should probably stop.

Dipper Pines has a decently useful talent and an even decenter brain. He's sharp, and cute, the sass is more than worth tolerating. It makes Bill want to give it back in turn, it’s almost infectious.

Turns out this mortal’s not as disposable as most.

It’s not because of his talent, though. Or because he’s unfairly cute. His brain's more than decent, and stealing him will be a triumph over some jackass - but it’s not that either.

But y’know? That makes a lot of sense.

Some parts of the mind don’t die so easily!

Naming what Bill had for breakfast last Monday is impossible - but naming what he likes for breakfast is simple!

Bill liked this guy already, pre-body plan. Enough for it to stick around. And with what he currently knows, that's not surprising. He's clearly always had great taste -

But it's not the whole story.

Somewhere in that lost span of time, this all started from... something.

“Chalk another one up on the board of ‘totally transparent lies’,” Bill examines his nails, leaning back against Dipper’s weight. “You don’t see many-” Not mortals, use another word - “People squishing their faces against the ‘worst’ things in the world.”

The weight against Bill’s back eases up. He hears a soft huff, and then the kid walks around, joining him at the window.

“I’m right, though,” Dipper Pines insists. He raises one finger. “Once you get your memories back…” He dares to smirk, too, as a thought strikes him. He rests his elbows on the windowsill. “Just let me know when you need another hint.”

This mortal’s smart, and insolent. He knows about the ‘hint’ button thing, and while he can't read Bill’s mind, somehow he’s predicting him -

Dipper Pines lets his head rest on the side of the window. The way he’s leaning leaves the pale line of his throat bare.

Bill looks in another direction, and shuts his eye.

Turns out wanting doesn’t die all that easy, either.

He's sharper than he should be. Objectively he's cute, alright, but that's not enough. There's more to be had, something to touch, and grab tight -

Dipper nudges him, warm side against his, almost smiling. "You sure you don't want a hint?"

The windowsill crunches slightly under Bill's grip.

It's not mind magic, Bill woulda sensed that. The urge is simply the full and heavy weight of Bill's unremembered mind - and it's horribly compelling.

Something about getting involved with this tiny young mortal has a huge payoff.

But hey! if Bill figured it out before, he can do it again!

“You're cute, sapling.” Bill leans forward in a slow, casual motion, matching this mortal’s pose. “But don’t you worry your pretty little head.” A frown on that face - now to add some finger guns, just to make him glare - “I got this.”

“Really.” Dipper looks him over. He’s smiling again.. “So what’s your plan?”

He asks it just to trip Bill up. For a while there, he mighta been right - but not anymore!

Bill’s figured it out - more than even the kid has figured out - and now he’s way ahead of the game.

“I’m glad you asked!” Bill scoots closer, watching his mortal start to frown. “The way I see it, you’re at the center of things.” He slides an arm over those shoulders. And using the information he’s already been told - “You said this place is my ‘vacation spot’ - but the only interesting thing is right here.”

“Whatever you’re trying, it’s not going to work.” Dipper's looking away. He’s turned pink again.

“Nah, remember? I need familiar stuff to jumpstart this business!” BIll taps the side of his head, even though his mortal’s not looking - “And you’re the only thing that matches the description.”

“So you’re going to annoy me to death, then. Got it.” Still not looking at Bill - but yeah, he’s smiling.

“Not to death, no,” Bill has plans for this guy, he wouldn’t be so invested otherwise! He rests a hand on his own chest, looking dignified. “No, I am going to-”

“Ask for a hint.”

Bill surges forward and captures this mortal’s chin in one hand, triumphant. “I’m going to kiss you.”

“What?” Dipper tenses up, blinking. Then, hesitant, “Oh.”

Bill leans in, eye shut.

When you know how these things work - the loophole Bill originally spotted is obvious.

There’s no way that Dipper went and signed that final dotted line, and got a real contract going. Not with a guy he clearly hates! The way he talks about that loser, he’d never lay a smooch on any angle, obtuse or attractive!

And that would leave a dangling clause, unfulfilled.

All this time it’s been waiting. Hovering around, ready to be finished and signed by the first demon to dig their claws in.

And now, with one perfect, bodily temptation -

Bill hums against warm flesh.

He pulls back slightly, looking this human in the eyes.

Dipper stares back, defiant. And annoyed.

Bill licks the palm over his mouth - but it doesn’t budge. He gets pushed further back on the next attempt - again on the third - until he finally, reluctantly, relents.

“I woulda taken a ‘no’,” Bill mutters. He turns to mess with his human clothing. He checks his hair again.

“It’s-” Dipper speaks up. For some reason he sounds frustrated. “Bill, I’m married.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get why you think that.” Bill puts a smile on his face, and holds it there. “What surprises me is that you’re still into that chump, but whatever,” He shrugs. “No accounting for taste!”

Bill folds his arms, looking up at the ceiling, then down at the shitty wooden floor.

Now he’s gotta come up with something else, and there’s almost zero info to go on. So the kid’s been interested. Apparently he’s not that interested -

Dipper’s been quiet for a bit. Now he hits Bill on the shoulder. “It’s not because I don’t want to.”

“Really.” Bill turns around, slow. His chest has done a thing again, but whatever - He starts grinning. “You don’t say.”

“It’s..” Dipper runs a hand through his hair, glancing at him, and looking frustrated. “There’s a contract, and it’s got… uh.” He grimaces. “Consequences.”

Of course.

“Now that you shoulda mentioned.” Bill pats his mortal on the side, and pinches his cheek. Dipper glares, but stays in place - “So you’ve got some non-compete clauses in your bargain. That’s pretty far from standard, but hardly a surprise!”

Everyone wants to keep their most precious valuables locked up - and this one’s being held very, very close to someone’s chest. There’s extra locks in place, just to keep him around!

Bill’s body gamble hasn’t gone wrong- it’s paying off!

He knew he wasn’t missing the signs. All the touching, the closeness, the shared time, and space. They have jokes about each other, and he doesn’t remember the right responses - but they exist!

This is why they haven’t hooked up yet!

Despite all of the stuff they’ve done together, in that vast unremembered history -

Dipper thought doing anything else might make Bill’s head explode, or all his limbs melt off, or something.

To his credit, it’s a pretty solid deterrent.

“I think we should give it a shot, sapling.” Bill snorts. “After all! What kinda,” He makes finger quotes. “‘Consequences’ could there be?”

Once he’s exploited the loophole, none of those curses could even apply. All that's left is getting is one tiny little ‘signature’, and the whole plan will come together.

And if Bill’s spent this long on it - completing his plan should kick everything else back into gear! It's a win-win!

Dipper Pines holds him by the shoulders. Hesitant, but tempted. Looking over Bill’s very human, very handsome face.

Bill grins, and winks.

Everything is gonna go exactly to plan.

#the reason for the drafts is #I can't decide which is better #The Full Comedy Version #Or the version that has some Emotions along with #I'm leaning towards the latter but it has some pacing issues #Anyway here's at least a post!!#Writing is hard #Billnesia #Anyway next chapter is gonna be Dipper POV #Also the answer to 'would Bill face his own consequences for cheating by kissing Dipper'#Is No #Sorry Bill you can't explode yourself

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johnkrrasinski · 4 years

Text

burning desire;

full masterlist

Pairings: Ari Levinson x reader x August Walker

Word count: 2,779

Warning: SMUT!!!! familial sex (step-uncle & niece), threesome, dirty talk, mentions of alcohol.

Summary: your step-uncle, ari levinson, brought a friend, august walker to his house one night during you stayover and things heated up real fast.

a/n: this idea popped into my head out of nowhere and i just had to write it immediately. (my other wips are sobbing so hard right now) enjoy! please leave a comment & like.

The mid-August air feels clammy on your skin, and the daylight glared brightly into your eyes, but thank the heavens that you were clad in nothing but your pastel pink bikini and your eyes were protected by your heart-shaped sunglasses. you always loved basking in the sun in uncle Ari's pool in his massive backyard. Your parents were currently out of town for business matters, as they always were and when they were away, you always stayed at uncle Ari's place.

His place was only thirty minutes away from your parents' house and you always loved coming over to his house. What's not to love? The fact that it was just as huge as your parents', designed grandiosely and located in a secluded area made you wish you could just move here. Not that your parents' was any less palatial but- okay, honestly, your parents' house was just as fancy and you were the princess ruling your little castle, so what was really the reason that you wanted to move here so badly?

If you're being honest to yourself, it was because of your ridiculously good-looking uncle. Seriously, the man had no right to be that attractive at that age. He was nearing his 40's and he could still make every woman in his path weak on the knees. His cerulean blue eyes, the thick beard and those ripped muscles never ceased to make a particular part of your body tingle when he is nearby. It wasn't helping either that he'd touch you so close to the part where you wanted him the most when you two were alone, or that he would speak in a really low tone by your ear, causing you to shiver. And you definitely didn't miss those flirty glances when he thought you weren't watching or when you were dressed in something a tad provocative.

It was as if you were playing a secret cat and mouse game that you were both aware of and you both kept playing but no one dared to admit to partake in it or put it to an end by making a move. The tension in the dining table when your parents invited him to come over for dinner or when it was just the two of you watching a film on the couch and you would lift your legs and fold them so your bare thighs would be displayed for him (which you would pretend you weren't aware of its effect on him.)

You were lost in your daydreams of him tearing that bikini off your body and fucking you rough in this pool as the water splattered around you when you heard his voice.

"Enjoying yourself?" his smirk was smug as if he could see the pornographic movie that was playing in your head.

"Uncle! give a girl a warning, will you?" you tried to maintain your composure, not wanting to show him the wet stain in your thong.

He walked closer to you and crouched down to your level. "Didn't wanna disturb you, you looked so relaxed, I thought I'd give you a few more minutes." Was he watching you? How long had he been standing there? "I got a friend coming over tonight, to watch the game. Just wanted to let you know."

"it's your house uncle, you don't need my permissions to have a friend come over." You chuckled.

"I wasn't asking for permission sweetheart, I was just informing you so you wouldn't be startled to see a stranger in the living room," he stood back up. "I got some errands to run. I'll see you tonight." you scoffed. Curt and enigmatic as always.

You were lounging in the room that Ari specifically spared for you. There were six bedrooms in his house alone and five of them were empty. He figured you must have your own personal space every time you visited. You walked to the kitchen to grab some snacks when you were stopped by Ari’s voice calling your name.

“C’mere, say hi to my friend, August.”

The sight of the man sitting on the couch next to your uncle stopped you in your tracks. My God, he looked like a Greek god. His sleek black hair was combed to the side and moustaches weren’t your thing but damn, he rocked it so well. His blue eyes took your breath away as he smiled at you and shook your hand.

“Oh, so you’re the friend uncle told me about.”

“Well, your uncle here doesn't have that many friends so I might be the only friend of his you’ll ever hear.” oh, the things his voice is making you feel…

You chuckled, “well, I don’t wanna be a bother. You guys are watching the game, right? I was about to grab some-”

“No, of course not. Come, sit. We can all enjoy the game together, right?” He took a sip of his beer.

“I’m not really into-”

“We insist.” His tone left no room for argument.

“…okay, I guess.” August and Ari made a room on the couch for you so you sat between them. To say you were nervous was an understatement. A million scenarios were going through your head right now. The image of being sandwiched between these two bulky men with your clothes off was making you uneasy. You were only wearing a big loose shirt that barely reached your mid-thighs. You weren’t wearing any undergarments except a black lace thong because it was summer and petit clothing items were all you packed. (Not like you were trying to impress a certain person, not at all.)

“You want one?” August offered you a drink. “Yeah, sure.” You were an adult now so what’s the harm in one? Your parents were thousands of miles away and it wasn’t like you had to worry about dealing with the hangover in the morning.

August put his arm on the headrest, behind your head and it made your breath hitch. You put your leg over the other to cover the arousal growing in your extremely minimum underwear. Ari took a sip of his beer and then spread his legs and the side of his thigh graze yours and you were growing hotter every second. It was as if they could sense your arousal and fooled around to rile you. You had to take control over your breathing but it was getting more challenging every passing minute.

“So, y/n, what are your plans for college?” August broke the silence.

“I actually am in college. I’m currently in my second year and I always come home during summer.”

“Oh, you certainly don’t look like any older than nineteen. My bad.”

“It’s alright, uncle.”

“August is fine.” He was watching you intently as if he was paying attention to every detail on your face. What was he looking for?

“What are you studying?”

“I’m in fashion design.”

“Suits you.” He winked, retreating his arm from the headrest, to open another bottle of beer.

August asked you several questions about yourself and you answered every single one. After a couple more bottles and the soothing sound of the TV, you found yourself getting drowsy. It felt nice being in the presence of these two beautiful men so you let yourself drift away. You didn’t realize that you had fallen asleep on Ari’s shoulder. When Ari called your name in a low voice and you didn’t open your eyes, Ari and August looked at each other and were ready to execute their plan.

Little did you know Ari had been talking about you to August for months. Who was he kidding? Of course, Ari was attracted to you. You were hot, young and promiscuous. Also, something about the fact that you were his brother's stepdaughter turned him on even more. He and August had been friends since college and they shared a lot of things ever since. They had many hookups with women whom they shared with. They were also business partners of a company that had bestowed them a lot of fortune. Hence Ari’s swanky place and the fact that he stayed single throughout all these years. He was never the ‘settle down’ type. He never told you about his business partner, you only knew that he existed, you just didn’t know his identity.

August sniffed your scent on your open neck, and the vanilla smell turned him on. He began to spread your legs and caressed your thigh until he reached your underwear. He chuckled when he felt the delicate material on his fingers, “she’s practically begging for us to fuck her brains out on this couch.”

“You should see what she wears every day in this house, it’s like she wants me to pounce on her,” Ari replied.

“She’s soaked. She should’ve just asked, we would’ve obliged immediately.” August rubbed you in circular motions through your thong and when he felt you growing wetter, he pushed your panties to the side and inserted two fingers into your entrance.

You gasped in your slumber, feeling something scissoring you open but your head was too fuzzy to figure out what was happening. August curled his fingers and stroked your G-spot and your breathing became ragged. You began to stir and mumbled under your breath. Your brows furrowed and when August’s fingers moved faster in and out of you and Ari began fondling your breasts through your thin shirt, your opened your eyes.

“Uncle Ari…”

“Shh, just sit back and enjoy, sweetheart. We’re gonna make you feel good.” He whispered sultrily in your ear. You whimpered when August’s thumb circled your clit, causing your head to spin. “God, you’re so hot. I’ve been waiting to put my dick into this tight pussy for months now.” August whispered in your other ear.

Your hand went into August’s wrist, needing to hold onto something. You knew this was wrong, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to tell them to stop or get up and run to your room. Ari’s hand went to your jaw to turn your head to him and kissed you with fervently. He licked your bottom lip and you made room for his tongue to tangle itself with yours. You were making out on the couch with your uncle as his friend had his knuckles buried deep in you.

You felt your muscles tightening and then the dam broke, making a mess all over August’s fingers. He watched your expression as you hit your peak. The image of you losing your mind sent electricity right to their cocks and they were eager for more now. They couldn’t wait to see the face you were going to make when they gave you a bigger one.

You thought they would at least give you a few seconds of repose after the onslaught but you should’ve known better. You knew that Ari was a hustler when it comes to what his heart desired. And now, his body yearned for you and he didn’t waste any time in undressing you from the scanty garments you had on.

August sucked on the sensitive spot of your neck, leaving little love bites here and there before biting the spot where he wanted to mark you. You bit your lip at the thought of parading around Ari’s house with those sensual bruises reminding of the sinful act the three of you committed last night. You didn’t think as far as how you were going to act around Ari now after tonight but you were surely hoping that this wasn’t a one-time thing.

Ari was still possessing your mouth with his, his plump lips felt soft on yours and they tasted even better than your fantasy. Ari pulled his lips away from yours and looked at his partner, “should we do doggy or missionary?” Ari asked as if you weren’t there at all.

“Missionary, I wanna see those tits bounce,” he smirked against your skin.

“Fuck yeah,” Ari keened.

They began stripping and you couldn’t help but watch. My God, they were sculpted to perfection by the hands of God themselves. The sweat on their skin made them glow from the ray of the TV. They pulled down their pants and their massive cocks sprung free and you could’ve come right there. Their packages were impressive, would they even fit inside you? You were drooling at the sight and you needed them to fill you up right now or you were going to explode.

“Lay back,” Ari commanded.

You did as he said and folded your legs to make room for Ari. The couch was large enough to fit two more people in here but you needed them as close as possible. Ari knelt on the couch and August was above your head. They both began stroking themselves as they kept their eyes on your naked body. Ari was staring at your drenched pussy and August imagined spurting all over your breasts.

“Open your lips, little girl.” You obliged and August pushed the tip of his cock into your lips and he pushed deeper until the tip hit the back of your throat. You looked up at him staring down at you with a predatory look. Ari pushed his cock into your entrance and your tight walls welcomed him with open arms causing him to throw his head back and groaned.

Ari had his hands on your thighs to keep them apart and he began pulling out until only the tip was left in you and pushed back vigorously like he was trying to invade your body. August began moving at the same pace, and he groped your breasts, pinching the nipples. The sting elicited a moan out of you, causing a delightful vibration flowing in his bones.

“Fuck, you’re as tight as I imagined,” Ari grunted. Your warmth wrapped his girth and he pounded into you as your breasts jiggled from the rough pounding. He lifted your legs onto his shoulders so he could delve deeper. He impaled the spot that made you forget your name and you clenched around him. The squelching noises that your pussy made blended with his pre-cum were lewd.

August grunted as you took him in your mouth as much as you could. You struggled to control your breathing with Ari ramming into you mercilessly and August’s size intruding your throat but you were getting off on it. You felt every inch of them inside you, the velvety skin and the raw taste were intoxicating. You hollowed your cheeks and let August use you. Let them both use you like a rag doll.

Soon, you were both moving in sync as the couch squeaked due to the impetuous action happening on it. Ari accelerated, chasing his own orgasm and you pulsated. The familiar pressure forming once more, ready to burst any second now. His cock throbbed and you tightened around him. A few more deep-seated thrusts and he came undone, painting your walls with his hot cum and filling you up so well.

You fell apart beneath him as well, moaning in ecstasy around August. If you weren’t muffled by his cock, you would’ve screamed so loud. You trembled and your legs shook. He pulled out of you and watched his juices leak out of you. The soreness between your thighs was pleasant and you were completely spent from Ari alone but you were definitely satisfied. If only your parents could see the blasphemous act you and your uncle had just committed. And you weren’t even finished yet.

August chased his own climax as well, needing to release the tension in his muscles. Profanities fell from his lips as he released on your tongue and you swallowed every drop of him. You were a sweet tooth but his salty taste had you addicted. You whimpered and panted on the couch, hoping that one of them would give you a warm bath to clean you up and bring you to your comfortable bed and wrap you in your blanket but then,

“We’re not done yet, princess.” August and Ari switched places and now August was kneeling between your legs while Ari was above your head. God, you were so worn out, you didn’t know if you had any more energy left in you to take them again. “You’re all ours tonight. And we’re gonna keep playing with until we’re satisfied. And trust me, we are far from being satisfied.” August whispered huskily in your ear as his raging hard cock penetrated you and Ari pushed himself through your opening lips and you could taste yourself on every inch of him.

Looks like it was going to be a long night.

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meduseld · 3 years

Note

Hello! Had some more thoughts about Ziggy and Nick lol

Okay but when and where did they meet? Like are we thinking Ziggy's first year of camp? Because he's a year older I believe so it would have to be his second year and her first. Or a different situation entirely? Because I can kind of see maybe some passing things? And he notices her? But I think camp would be where they would actually meet. But also yeah I can only imagine it going something like Ziggy is doing her usual thing and Nick is like entranced and just gazes at her lovingly lol. But omg my kingdom to know how their first interaction went. I bet that was his favorite time of year, being able to be near her omg.

The cause of it all is a Goode man being too into a girl with fire and the end of it all is a Goode man being too into a girl with fire.

Omg but have we talked about him being maybe 32? I'm still not sure the ages. And probably no girlfriend and not married, no kids! No kids to pass on the legacy?! Like what was the plan because I have questions. I am dying to know lol.

"The cause of it all is a Goode man being too into a girl with fire and the end of it all is a Goode man being too into a girl with fire." What a wonderful way to put it! Indeed. And yes, I think Nick had been watching her from afar and noticed her and her fiery hair *and* personality.

I do think they'd met before, and it's semi-implied it's not their first time at camp either. Nick probably started out as a camper and maybe Cindy did too, with Ziggy and Alice and the rest as sort of Shadyside charity cases which must have chafed. That might have also been a factor in Cindy's goody-two-shoes routine, trying to transform herself to fit in with the other campers. Ziggy, naturally, rebelled.

As to their aged, I think he's roughly 2 years older; I don't think it was his first year as counselor (I think maybe they say it's his last? Say he did it from 16-18, that he's 18 in 78, and Ziggy just turned 16) and that such a role was "expected" of him and he wasn't stoked over it but did it. Kurt, as you notice, seems to defer to him. Nick does the jobs he's assigned well but clearly doesn't like them. It would mean that they might not have had much time together as campers but Nick would have known her as a camper and being troublesome she seems to be discussed relatively often by the counselors, which would help intrigue him. He likes how defiant she is. Also Ziggy probably knew who he was reputationally long before, everyone would know who the Goode Heir was. There's a lot of talk of everyone knowing he was going to take up the Legacy/Sheriff job (without knowing about the Satanism he'd inherit too).

So I think Nick spotted her a while back and they were aware of each other through camp and general social life in the towns, and that 78 was the year, likely when he was in Fuck It mode because his dad just died and he knew this was his last semi bit of freedom, when he finally went up to talk to her because why not. Last chance. And then he realized oh wow she really is what I thought and I love her.

And I've also gone on about Nick's lack of relationships and the pressure that implies on the kid front. Both the regular social rumor mill pressure of gossipy neighbors and maybe even his own brother telling him to settle down; and the pressure from the Demonic Pact itself looking to continue and be fed more souls. But Nick is actively resisting. I've also talked about how he resents the Pact and the life it cost him and the way it's isolated him. He's miserable and passive-agressively taking it down with him. Also because the only woman he's ever loved (for varying values of love natch, and it's not like he tried after) is Ziggy and he will not do that to her. That isn't quite as noble as it sounds, he saw what being a Goode wife did to women, is doing to his brother's wife, and what the pressures of Sunnyvale might turn her into. Like you pointed out, it would kill the spark in Ziggy that attracted him in the first place.

#Congenital Satanism is no joke #nick goode #nick x ziggy #fear street #camp nightwing

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

Text

Amelia & Jac

Amelia: Don't listen to what drunk Jesse says Amelia: he needs more shots to get through this but I'm fine Jac: I'm not listening to anything either of you has to say, thanks Amelia: rude Jac: You've got to be joking Amelia: why because I'm not sitting in an empty 🏠 waiting for you like 🥺 Jac: You know full well why Jac: you aren't that drunk Amelia: you're right, I should be drunker Jac: Yeah Jac: that suits Amelia: you breaking my heart every time she breaks yours, doesn't Jac: Don't be dramatic Amelia: 🥀🥀🥀 Jac: just shut up, Amelia Jac: go enjoy your little party with your new best friend Amelia: likewise clearly Amelia: but you can't enjoy it, can you? Jac: You wish Amelia: no Amelia: it's 💔 Jac: You're clearly devastated Amelia: you know I am, you aren't that callous Jac: that's why you're being friends with my brother Amelia: I invited him and he offered to play Amelia: most of the school is here Jac: Feeling the ❤ are you? Amelia: now I am Amelia: you're full of 😍🥰😘 Jac: not for you Amelia: that was the joke Amelia: because you want this to be one Jac: you're the joke, this is just pathetic Amelia: yeah, I am Jac: what is this even achieving Amelia: this conversation? nothing Amelia: I don't know what else I expected though Amelia: you're never sorry or missing me the same, you only have one regret Jac: I haven't got any regrets Jac: sorry to break that to you Amelia: 💋 Sav counts Jac: I don't regret it Amelia: she'd probably still be here if you hadn't Amelia: and you do want her here Jac: doesn't mean I take it back Jac: but actually, I take back anything I've ever done with you, there you go Amelia: okay Amelia: because I deserve that for not dramatically shunning your brother anymore Jac: yes, you do Jac: you've made your choice, so I get to make mine Amelia: no, you've made it for me by making yours Jac: you're the one who decided to cosy up to Jesse Amelia: look over at whoever you're cosying up to right now and tell yourself yet again that this is my fault Amelia: for fuck's sake Jac: you're mad because you literally have yourself to blame Jac: I know what I did, you're literally that fucking stupid you don't? Jac: okay Amelia: I'm upset because it's still so fucking easy for you to pretend that I don't exist Jac: Whatever, I'm not going to dignify this conversation with a response Jac: you've made your bed Amelia: you are giving me a response by saying you're not going to Amelia: I've done silence from you, I'm aware what it looks like Jac: if you regret your decision that's 1. your fault and 2. your problem Amelia: yeah Jac: you think you're right because you cry about it Jac: no, just because you know how the sympathy vote works, doesn't mean you deserve it Jac: you fucked me over first Amelia: I don't think I'm right Amelia: I can't remember the last time I thought that Jac: again, what the fuck can I do about that Amelia: I don't know Jac: nothing Jac: your life is a wreck and me saying I love you back or giving you a fucking cuddle is not going to fix that Jac: as if I have the energy or time right now Amelia: of course not, it's only worth your time and energy if you can ruin it Amelia: sorry, tonight I don't need you for that Jac: Good Jac: I don't need you at all Amelia: until you do Jac: so you're a doormat Jac: and a fucking liability to boot now Jac: get a grip, Amelia, for God's sake Amelia: on what? Amelia: I don't have anything to keep hold of Jac: why should I know or care Jac: figure it out Amelia: because you're telling me what to do Amelia: which you wouldn't bother to do if you didn't care, even if it's only about yourself Amelia: I'm not going to tell him, you can stop lashing out Jac: Oh yeah and I'd believe you, why, exactly Jac: when you're not pissed you're an emotional wreck Jac: liability, as I said, so no thanks Amelia: I haven't yet Amelia: but if you won't trust me by now, I have no idea when or why you ever would Jac: Trust, that's a good one Amelia: I know Jac: I can't trust you any more than Savannah could trust me Amelia: that isn't true Jac: that's exactly true Jac: I turned you down, you stopped being my friend Jac: that's your form, that's your record Amelia: no Jac: yes Jac: you'd rather be friends with Jesse Amelia: I'd rather be friends with you Amelia: you won't let me Jac: it's the definition of a bit late now Jac: you punished me for wanting to be friends with Sav Jac: you can't take it back Amelia: I would if I could Jac: platitude helps no one Amelia: I've said sorry Amelia: I keep saying it Jac: It doesn't change anything Amelia: why don't things that have happened since count for anything? Jac: because we're just doing what we have to to survive Amelia: you've told me it matters Jac: anything that could ever happen between us, would always be because nothing can happen between me and her Jac: and that's the truth Amelia: I'm drunk, not stupid Amelia: I know the truth Jac: then you're fucked up Amelia: obviously Jac: how could I ever love you over her Jac: fucking hell Amelia: you can't and you don't Amelia: she's on a fucking pedestal ☁ 👼🏾 Jac: yeah, because she isn't a fucking trainwreck Amelia: because she isn't here and it was never real Amelia: I don't want to be worshipped, I want to be cared about Jac: it was real Amelia: and one sided Jac: no Jac: anyway, that isn't what I'm talking about Jac: I liked her because she had goals, knew what she was going to do with her life, and did things with it in the meantime Jac: even if she didn't reciprocate the rest, that was and remains true Amelia: good for her Amelia: we all have goals Jac: where? Jac: all you wanna do is get trashed and avoid any and all work Jac: you're like my kid fucking sister, there's fuck all attractive about that Amelia: I don't need to have a Phd planned at 15 for it to be considered a future Amelia: and you've never even asked me about it Jac: yeah, okay, in 15 years of friendship it never came up Jac: you try so hard to be 😎 and it just made you fucking boring Jac: in comparison, in general Amelia: in 15 years of friendship you decided I was a screw up Amelia: and boring apparently Jac: blame me for your lack of ambition and passion Jac: it's the role you wanted to play Jac: and yeah, Savannah is better Amelia: you have to have everyone playing a role because you are Amelia: I have ambition and passion, loads of things I want to do Jac: if that makes you feel better about yourself Amelia: it's all ages away, so no, not really Jac: My condolences Jac: the point is, there's nothing you can say to convince me, so just focus on yourself Amelia: the point is, I'll never be her Amelia: I'm not giving you my condolences back Jac: I know that Jac: if you'd deluded yourself any different that's just sad Amelia: I love you, the delusion is that's enough Amelia: and very sad Jac: yeah Jac: it isn't Jac: no one should settle for that Amelia: thanks for stating the painfully obvious Jac: it is you who can't seem to grasp it so Jac: if you need to be told over and over so be it Amelia: scroll back up to where you said that's my problem and my fault Amelia: you're the one who needs to keep telling me, repeating yourself and repeating yourself Jac: because you won't fucking stop Amelia: neither will you Amelia: but okay, maybe you won't come back this time, we'll both pretend to believe that if you like Jac: I don't tell you I love you Jac: or try to be your friend Jac: or anything so fucking gay Amelia: I hope it makes you feel really straight Jac: it's not even that, it's just pathetic Amelia: then I'm pathetic, I don't have a snappy comeback for you Jac: yeah, you are Jac: you fit Amelia: fine Jac: yeah Amelia: bye then Jac: fuck you Amelia: 😂 romantic as that sounds, I'll have to pass Amelia: if only you were here Jac: yeah, you're so amused Amelia: I don't feel anything right now Jac: so happy for you Amelia: 🙂 Jac: is this necessary? Amelia: what? Jac: why are you still here? Amelia: why are you? Jac: I'm home Jac: not having the best party ever Amelia: same Jac: awh Amelia: 👧🏻💔 Jac: you can't even do that right Amelia: oops Jac: I'm not laughing Amelia: I'll do it for you, don't worry Jac: Whatever Jac: this is beyond tedious Amelia: 🥺🥺🥺 Jac: you're pissing me off now Amelia: I pissed you off ages ago Jac: so stop Amelia: stop yourself, you've put yourself in the role of someone who's less of a wreck Amelia: all you have to do is play it for tonight Jac: I'm not dictated to by you Jac: that's the role you've been happy to play Jac: I'll do what I want, as per Amelia: okay Jac: I'm going back over Amelia: do you want me to care where you're going or not? it's a mixed message that I'm either too drunk or not drunk enough to decode Jac: You can tell my brother Jac: more for you two to 😢 and drink over Jac: so welcome Amelia: I don't know where he is, sorry Jac: that tracks for the kind of friend you are Amelia: he's not my Savannah Amelia: we're not joined at the hip Jac: yeah, and that's the only friend you know how to be Jac: what's the point if it's not ❤ yeah Amelia: the point is, I'm not a good friend, you already said it Jac: Ask Is if you want a second opinion Jac: though she lays down as quick as you so you know Amelia: I believe you, that's why I agreed Amelia: I don't want to talk to Is Jac: no wonder Jac: it'd mean more coming from her if she had the balls Amelia: you mean the most, that's why it's coming from you Jac: had another drink, have you? Amelia: 🥂 Jac: yeah, it means so much Amelia: it doesn't mean anything Amelia: I'm just waiting for something to happen Jac: like what Amelia: 💊 to kick in or 🚨 to start Jac: 🙄 Jac: could you stoop any lower Amelia: challenge accepted Jac: and why shouldn't I call 🚨 or your parents Amelia: my parents will be too 😍🥰😘 to answer but if you want to beat the neighbours to the shut down, go for it Jac: I care even less about ruining their good time Amelia: that's why you shouldn't bother calling then Amelia: might seem like you care Jac: I only care about ruining things Jac: so yeah, nice try Amelia: there's fuck all to ruin, it's not fun Jac: your parents 😍🥰😘 Amelia: try if you think you can Jac: you forget I've met them Jac: the phone is never off just in case you need them Amelia: well I phoned them earlier and it was Jac: you never try hard enough Amelia: 😂 right Jac: ta ta 👋 Amelia: 👋 Jac: [obviously whether we call her parents or not is not really relevant 'cos the police would, soz Amelia] Amelia: [you knew it was inevitable gal] Jac: [oh what fun] Amelia: [soz to her parents just trying to have a nice vday] Jac: [you wish hens, kids ruin everything lol] Amelia: [at least you only have one] Jac: [unlucky JJ lmao, and all so close in age, you fucked up] Amelia: [lollll] Jac: [do you want Jesse to be there, get in trouble? 'cos that'd be a reason to carry this convo on tomorrow, like] Amelia: [good idea because he would stay instead of just legging it like jude did] Jac: [you silly soft boy] Amelia: [trying to help everyone but not really helping anyone what a #mood] Jac: [that's so real but rude] Jac: [anyway, I'm gonna roll up on you] Jac: What the fuck? Amelia: You tell me Jac: Okay, I will tell you Jac: stay away from my family Amelia: or you could tell Jesse Amelia: I told him to leave plenty of times Jac: You should have made him Jac: Whatever problem you have with me, you can take it out on me Jac: don't drag him into your bullshit, alright Amelia: I did everything I could Amelia: he's as stubborn as you are Jac: You had to get him involved, didn't you Jac: had to be his mate Amelia: it's not transition year, I have to go to lessons Jac: You didn't have to Jac: don't bullshit Jac: you weren't his friend before Amelia: it's not like we're best friends now Jac: well, if you're going to, be a fucking better one to him Jac: this isn't okay, whatever mess you're in Amelia: I'm well aware Jac: that's not enough Jac: how are you going to make it right? Amelia: what do you want me to say? I don't want him doing any of this Jac: Well, I found a way to make him stop Jac: it's not actually that hard Amelia: he's not taking my no for an answer Jac: You're so selfish Amelia: if you can do better, do it Jac: no, you take some accountability, you useless bitch Amelia: so can he Jac: for what? Jac: being nice to your sorry ass? Amelia: exactly that, yeah Amelia: I didn't ask him to, it was literally the opposite Jac: then you make him stop Jac: because that's the problem with you, you want him to Jac: you want everyone to like you, you're so fucking needy Amelia: I don't give a fuck if nobody likes me Amelia: we're not 15 anymore Jac: that's believable Jac: anyway, then it shouldn't be an issue for you, so do it Amelia: is that everything? Jac: No, bitch, it isn't Amelia: so just say what you came to say Jac: How about you do something Jac: that is what I came here for Jac: you think I trust you to just do it? nah Jac: proof is required Amelia: how about you and your brother leave me alone Jac: How about you have to tell him yourself Jac: because you decided to be his bestie and rub it in my face Jac: so grow the fuck up and sort it out now Amelia: yeah because everything is about you Amelia: he decided to Jac: it is with you Jac: and I don't care how you want to sell it, Amelia Amelia: and I don't care what you decide to buy into Amelia: I don't want friends, I just fuck it all up Amelia: I definitely don't want him as one when he reminds me of you Jac: Good Jac: leave him alone Amelia: I have Amelia: he won't leave me alone because he cares Jac: I've told you, make him not Jac: you don't leave him with a choice Amelia: I don't have the energy to fight him off every time he can't or won't take a hint Jac: I swear to God Amelia: whatever threat it is, I'm not interested in hearing it Amelia: carry it out or don't Jac: it's no threat Jac: I'm done with you Jac: I don't know why we were ever friends Amelia: I knew that last night, there's no need to repeat it again today Amelia: even you don't change your mind that quickly Amelia: and we were never friends, you've repeated that more than enough times as well Jac: I'm serious Jac: why did we last as long as we did Jac: there is nothing even Jac: we have nothing in common Amelia: yeah, me too, I seriously don't care anymore Jac: then do what I've asked and we will have no reason to ever talk again Amelia: we already have no reason to Amelia: the one thing we have in common is neither of us want Jess around, so don't pretend you care Jac: He's my brother Jac: I get that you don't understand what that's like, but certain things override whatever I might be feeling personally Amelia: you're acting like it now to have a go at me Amelia: but my parents get first dibs at that, sorry Jac: yeah because everything is about you Jac: oh boohoo Jac: you're hungover and your soft-touch parents are mad at you Jac: I don't care Amelia: there's no other reason to prolong this conversation if it isn't, we're talked about Jess Amelia: there's nothing else to say about it if he still wants to be friends with me after how I treated him or if he doesn't Jac: because you missed the bit where I asked for proof? Jac: make use of your last remaining brain cell and make it fast Amelia: no, I disregarded it because I don't fucking owe you anything Jac: you owe him Amelia: I told him to leave me alone, the rest is up to him Jac: then show me that Amelia: [the convo receipts from whenever he left and tried to check in] Jac: Thanks Amelia: fuck you Jac: No shit 🙄 Amelia: neither of you listen Amelia: despite barely talking Jac: you can take this up with him when he invariably comes back because you didn't try hard enough Amelia: great Jac: you went there Jac: or do you want me to believe my brother is so gregarious he just threw himself at you Amelia: he does this thing where he goes out of his way to include people, I get that you don't understand what that's like because you shot your only shot with Savannah Jac: No, I get that he felt sorry for you Jac: it was my mistake for not recognising you're seriously not above that Amelia: why would I be above sitting by him in some classes? it's not a marriage proposal Jac: yeah, why would you have any self-respect Jac: why wouldn't you be Is 2.0 Jac: I should never have given you any more credit than her Jac: and I won't make the same mistake again Amelia: you never have, don't worry Amelia: you're still riding high with no regrets or mistakes Jac: you spoilt brat Jac: ask Is if it ever felt the same Jac: you got a taste of it when I met Savannah and you couldn't fucking hack it Amelia: I'm not going to ask Is anything Amelia: and no, I couldn't fucking hack you being in love with her Jac: and you think she could? Amelia: I don't think or care about her Jac: That's nice, isn't it Amelia: so? Jac: so, you expect me to care about you Jac: and you don't care about Is at all Jac: we were all friends Amelia: I literally don't expect anything from you now Amelia: and we were friends when you want to use that to make a point and weren't when you need that to be true Jac: you need to think we were more than that Amelia: I already know we weren't Jac: yeah? Amelia: yeah Jac: then we really are done now Amelia: great Jac: Hardly but it's something Amelia: I'm thrilled you have something to ✔ off your to-do list Jac: You can drop the sarcasm Amelia: I can do whatever I want, yeah Jac: and you know exactly what that is Amelia: maybe, maybe not Jac: it's not my business if you lied about knowing Amelia: it's not your business either way Amelia: maybe I'll change all my plans now Jac: maybe Amelia: the catholic school threat is less of a joke with every passing day Jac: worked for Savannah Amelia: true Jac: how fun for you Amelia: it's my number 1 priority after all, chasing the fun Jac: obviously Amelia: I have to go now Amelia: fire any last shots Jac: I've got nothing Amelia: okay Jac: Alright Jac: bye Amelia: good morning Jac: on what planet Amelia: we've said bye so many times it doesn't feel like a real word Jac: yeah Jac: I know Jac: I mean to mean it every time Amelia: at least you mean it now Jac: yeah Amelia: thanks Jac: least I could do Amelia: the least you could do is stop replying to me, but alright Jac: I don't owe you anything either Jac: that would be a kindness Amelia: would it? Jac: you keep asking for it so Jac: assumedly Amelia: because you keep saying you're done Amelia: it's a kindness for yourself if anything Jac: yeah, that's really my jam Amelia: maybe you're planning to turn over a new 🍃 Amelia: it's none of my business Jac: yeah Jac: I'm thriving, you're so right Amelia: I wouldn't go that far, even as the dramatic one Jac: so let's not bullshit Amelia: oh, it's only okay when you do it, gotcha Jac: I've not Amelia: over 15 years of friendship you have constantly Jac: oh, we're really going to go over every little thing I did or didn't do in 15 years? Amelia: no Amelia: but we're not just pretending you always tell the truth Jac: who does Jac: that would be stupid and irresponsible Amelia: Jude, so that tracks Jac: nah Jac: omission is more of a lie than it is a truth Jac: and she does that all the time Amelia: I wish she'd do it to me Amelia: my headache is 75% her showing up last night Jac: did she tell you she thinks your house looks like a nursing home? Jac: 'cos that is what I was thinking by omission Amelia: I remember her picking up a lot of my mum's shit, but not what she said Jac: I think she needs to be tested Jac: multiple times Amelia: 😂 Jac: seriously, is she slightly deaf Jac: is it behavioural, something wrong with her brain chemistry Jac: the possibilities are endless Amelia: I'll go get tested with her Jac: yeah, befriend another one of them, that's exactly what I set out to achieve Amelia: you achieved what you set out to do Jac: only if you don't turn around and ruin it Amelia: I won't Jac: you're more suited Amelia: what are you talking about? Jac: you and Jude over you and Jesse Amelia: I don't think she likes me, sorry to throw a 🔧 into your virgo-ishness Jac: she thinks you're breaking Jesse's heart Amelia: how? Jac: she thinks he's in love with you Jac: but obviously, you are a massive gay Amelia: oh, him and loads of other lads then Jac: yes, but he is her brother Jac: so maybe she's gonna give you dirty looks from across the hall Amelia: I'll try not to fall in love with her over it Jac: ew Jac: you're vile Amelia: the meaner she is to me, the more likely it is, clearly Jac: that's not funny Amelia: it is a bit Jac: it's not though Jac: she's my little sister Amelia: whatever Jac: don't whatever me Jac: if you go near her, I will actually kill you Jac: it's disgusting, so shut up Amelia: I'm not going to go anywhere near her Jac: don't Amelia: why would I? It's Jude Amelia: she's as close to a little sister as I've got Jac: I don't know why you do anything Jac: to be honest Amelia: yeah you do Jac: it's not the reason I'm doing the degree Amelia: but it's a reason you'll be good at it Jac: you want to take partial credit for my future success now? Amelia: I couldn't if I wanted to Jac: I don't think graduation is like the oscars Amelia: now that I know that I won't need to bother going Jac: 🙄 Jac: you'll be on your 5th gap year or something Amelia: I'm not taking one Jac: right, you've changed your plans Amelia: no, I decided that ages ago Amelia: I'm sticking to it, if anything Jac: it's a massive waste of time Jac: especially when you pretty much have to take that mandatory one as is Amelia: 🥱 Jac: shut up Amelia: 🥱🥱🥱 Jac: 😒 Jac: goodbye then Amelia: okay bye Jac: what did your parents say Amelia: why would I bore you with that when you already think I'm like coma inducing Jac: maybe it'll be funny Amelia: it wasn't Jac: I bet your mum cried Amelia: of course she did Amelia: the state of the 🏠 was enough reason Jac: yeah Jac: well, well done Amelia: thank you Amelia: it's been ages since I've been praised Jac: probably going the wrong way about it from mummy and daddy Amelia: yeah Jac: so fun though, right Jac: worrying everyone to death Amelia: duh Jac: well I did it first Jac: don't think you're special or anything Amelia: you've well and truly killed that possibility, not only do I know I'm not special, I know everyone else agrees Amelia: what other validation could I ever need Jac: you wanted a reaction Jac: you got it Amelia: no, I didn't want to sit in an empty house while you went on a 'date' Amelia: I got that Jac: and the reaction I'm getting to that is still just wonderful Jac: thanks for asking Amelia: you know why I haven't Jac: Darla thinks I should just run with it Amelia: meaning what? Jac: own the whole slut thing Amelia: and what do you think? Jac: I don't know Jac: I don't exactly have a choice Jac: the other viable option is going out with him, like he chose me and not the other girl, but I don't know Amelia: you mean you don't want to Jac: only because he'll probably cheat and I don't want to look that kind of stupid either Amelia: option 3 is going out with her Jac: ha ha Amelia: you're right, she's probably not going to stay faithful either Jac: you're so unfunny Amelia: because I'm not in a 🤡 mood or here to make you laugh Jac: then stop making stupid suggestions Amelia: why? so I can make a real suggestion that you'll like even less Jac: you suggesting something you know I won't do is entirely pointless Amelia: this entire conversation is Jac: maybe you'd be helpful for once Jac: but no Amelia: I'm not going to tell you to date him or to fuck more boys just like him, and that's all you want to hear Jac: you know, not everyone is so sure of themselves like you Jac: and that's alright Amelia: I've never put a label on you and I never will Amelia: that doesn't mean this is alright with me Jac: nothing but me declaring my undying love would be with you Amelia: it's not about what you won't say, it's about what you have Amelia: you're fucking horrible to me Jac: duh Jac: I'm horrible to everyone Amelia: just stop talking to me the way you have to everyone Jac: I'm not talking to you Amelia: you are though Amelia: you literally just said you want my help Jac: so? Jac: I use everyone when I need to Amelia: so go and use someone else Jac: easy Amelia: then go and do it instead of bragging Jac: I'm not beholden to what you want, or your time schedule Jac: you can just go away Amelia: no shit Amelia: if I could go away I would have Jac: Stop whining, honestly Jac: cry to me when they get you sectioned instead of catholic school Amelia: I'll be too thrilled Jac: 🎻 Amelia: *🙌 Jac: you're such a baby Amelia: if only Jac: ugh no Jac: I can't do this conversation again Amelia: then don't Amelia: fuck off Jac: waiting for my ride, tah Amelia: I didn't ask because I don't want to know or care Jac: yeah Jac: people who don't care throw parties in reaction Jac: get a grip Jac: at least I'm not pretending I don't care about Savannah Amelia: I said I don't want to care, the same way I don't want to know Amelia: and of course you're not because how else would you hurt me whenever you feel like it if you did Jac: I couldn't pretend not to if I wanted to Jac: and oddly enough, that's not about you Amelia: no, the 💔 it causes me is just a bonus for you Amelia: nothing is actually about me Jac: Seeing people happy upsets me, it isn't a strictly you thing Jac: in the most positive sense, of course Amelia: I know, we've had that conversation Amelia: because that's all we do, say the same shit over and over Jac: you think I'm gonna change my tune Jac: that why you're sticking around Amelia: I literally can't get away from you unless they do bother to send me somewhere else Jac: Charming Jac: I can't do much more to fucking disappear, Amelia Amelia: me either Amelia: I've basically begged them now and my bags aren't packed so Jac: fuck you Amelia: yeah Jac: go Jac: now Amelia: you heard me, there's nowhere Amelia: unless I crash my 🚗 into a 🌳 Jac: I don't care Jac: please go Amelia: you go Amelia: I make everything else really easy for you Jac: do you fuck Amelia: when isn't it? it's all on your bullshit terms as and when you decide what they are Jac: 'cos that's all you fucking care about Jac: is that bit Amelia: because it fucking matters Jac: what matters is my life is a fucking wreck Jac: and you don't care about that, at all Amelia: that's such a fucking lie Jac: it just ain't Amelia: I can't fix it, that doesn't mean I don't care Jac: except you literally don't Jac: and you just wait for me to hit you up Amelia: if you need proof of that too, just tell me what Jac: the proof is here Jac: you wanna leave too Jac: do it Amelia: I don't want to, I have to Amelia: you haven't given me any choice Jac: then I can't say you're any different Jac: because you won't be Amelia: you've already said I'm no different Amelia: and you ended it Jac: you don't listen Jac: or understand Amelia: because that isn't the reaction you want Amelia: I can't do either of those things when I'm angry or upset Jac: I don't want that Jac: a reaction based on guesswork of what you think I want Jac: a performance Amelia: it's a reaction based on how you've made me feel, nothing else Jac: then why does it feel so fake Amelia: I don't know Amelia: I can't be any realer Amelia: I give you everything Jac: I get why she left Jac: love makes you different Jac: it's sort of repulsive Jac: you wouldn't, the you I know Jac: knew Jac: wouldn't just do that, put up with all this Jac: but you do and I did for her and it's sickening Amelia: my parents are in love and they don't act like this Amelia: neither do yours Jac: so you don't love me Amelia: of course I do but there's clearly something wrong with me too Jac: there's nothing about this to be embraced Jac: to celebrate or want Jac: it's awful Jac: I feel awful, all the time Amelia: I know Amelia: I take drugs now, as of last night, that's not what planned for my future Jac: it's no worse than being known as that girl Jac: see, you can't say she doesn't have the right idea Jac: she doesn't fucking care about any of them Jac: she's living it up and doesn't have to deal with any of this Amelia: I'd rather die than say she has the right idea about anything, on principle Jac: 🙄 Jac: whatever Jac: she's happy, you're not Jac: and I'm not Amelia: all we see is her feed, I could be happy on there if I thought it mattered Jac: Please Jac: do you really think Savannah is becoming an addict or having threesomes Amelia: no because she has different coping mechanisms Jac: it's not coping if you're thriving Amelia: when I had a girlfriend I still thought about you, maybe she is Amelia: you're the one who gave the 'not everyone is as sure as me' speech Jac: except she is definitely straight and that was beyond apparent when I kissed her Jac: or at the very least, she's not thinking about me Amelia: maybe not, because she's hardly thriving, her parents are fucked and she hates catholic school Amelia: *but Jac: that's just what her dad tells your mum, or people who then tell your mum, whatever Jac: you know how high his expectations are Jac: if she's not tap dancing home every day she's suicidal Amelia: I'm just saying, unless you ever actually talk to her you won't know Amelia: if I'd have kissed you when I first thought about it, you'd have lost it too Jac: that won't be happening because I'm blocked Jac: and she's not gonna suddenly have the urge to reach out Amelia: not now Jac: not ever Jac: as sweet as it is to hold out hope for me Jac: I'm not personally gonna kid myself Jac: I was there, I know what happened Amelia: okay Jac: I'll never do it again Amelia: what? hope or 💋 anyone Amelia: because your new boyfriend won't last very long if it's 💋 Jac: hope, yeah Jac: but I meant ❤ Amelia: I'm not waiting for the declaration, that's in your head Jac: you are Jac: because I've said the opposite enough times for you to have heard that loud and clear Amelia: I gave up ages before any of this happened Jac: then what Amelia: this over nothing Jac: that's Amelia: you can't hurt me by calling me pathetic or whatever else, my mum's said as much in kinder words and I've said it to myself in harsher ones Jac: no Jac: I don't know what it is Jac: your mum hates me Amelia: all she wants is for me to be happy and I can't Amelia: she hates that I keep doing worse instead of better Jac: that's stupid Jac: you're a teenager, not a poodle Amelia: if I was a dog they'd have probably given me away by now, so just as well Jac: if she thought it was gonna be all sunshine and rainbows I dread to think how boring her formative years were Amelia: she just doesn't want 🌧💀🥀 again Amelia: I shouldn't have lied that I was better for a bit Jac: everyone finds everyone else's pain and misery boring Jac: I get told all the time Jac: as if that'll make me reconsider Jac: she'll just have to deal, not like you can do anything about it Amelia: yeah Jac: it's easier not to care Amelia: obviously but I can't switch it on and off Amelia: so I care that I ruined their weekend when they never get to go anywhere Jac: obviously Jac: you just have to pretend Jac: it has the same affect Jac: of them stopping to care in return Amelia: you've met my parents, they're unstoppable Jac: oh and mine are just massive cunts then Amelia: shut up, no Jac: you'll be fine Jac: just need to meet someone who isn't a bitch next time Amelia: in my next life or this one? Jac: you'll do it before school is out guaranteed Amelia: this really is over then Jac: I want that for your sake Amelia: you want it for you because I'm boring Jac: don't be stupid Amelia: you literally compared me to Jude so Jac: I'm just trying to get you to hate me like you should Amelia: I don't want you to want me if that's what you think, it'd be too weird Jac: Don't accuse me of incest, for God's sake Amelia: at least that's actually taboo Amelia: you could put your self-loathing somewhere Jac: why are you always so gross Amelia: because that's how I feel inside Amelia: obviously Jac: anyway, it's been done too many times in my family Jac: no one would even care Amelia: true Jac: again, no one needs to tell me how un-unique my problems are Jac: like that solves 'em Amelia: or to get over it/get a grip/grow up/ however else you want to phrase it Jac: exactly Amelia: stop saying it to me then Amelia: it doesn't change anything Jac: what part of 'getting you to hate me' are you not getting though Jac: it won't change the feeling but distance and time should and that's where we're trying to get you Amelia: unless we're having sex, don't worry about how I feel or getting me to feel any type of way Jac: I'm not worried about that Amelia: good Jac: you don't wanna give me a complex? Jac: I suppose that's nice Amelia: if I wanted to lie, I'd choose something that isn't as easy to prove is Jac: not like I need to be good at it anyway Jac: ⛪ Amelia: if your boyfriend had any complaints he wouldn't be picking you up, I guess Jac: It isn't him Amelia: did you go with option 3? Jac: as I can't remember her name, no Jac: I'm going out with Darla Amelia: you're going with her idea Jac: it's literally the best option I have Jac: I don't have to repeat it but her and her friends will back me Amelia: I don't see why you can't just let people say what they're going to say Jac: what's the point in that? Amelia: because they will anyway and it won't matter when you leave Jac: I'm not leaving yet Jac: and no one talks shit about Darla Jac: she's a good ally to have Amelia: okay Jac: don't you think so Amelia: it doesn't matter what I think Jac: well what do you think? Amelia: you know what I think Amelia: I'm not going to keep going on like a broken record Jac: yeah but, of the things you know I'm going to do Jac: it's not that bad Amelia: right Amelia: that's why I said okay and not fuck you Jac: and she's just uncomplicated and nothing to do with this situation Jac: which is what I need right now Amelia: sure, give me a complex, why not? Jac: also totally straight and I don't fancy her Jac: so you can calm down Amelia: 😏 Amelia: I'll go to sleep, my parents left off shouting at me and you started Jac: maybe you'll get to redecorate Amelia: I won't mention it in case it sounds like I'm suggesting I did them a favour Amelia: but I did say they could sell my 🚗 to calm my dad down Jac: 😬 Jac: they'll probably act like they're gonna for a while, make you sweat it, but then they'll not or get you a new one when you pass so you can have your independence Jac: very them move, just pretend you're learning a lesson in the meantime Amelia: 🥱 Jac: 👸🏻 spoilt bitch Jac: none of us will be getting cars, imagine Jac: look like a garage forecourt Amelia: you can borrow mine if I ever get the 🔑 back Jac: yeah Jac: won't hold my breath, like Amelia: me either, my mum's been googling drug slang since she stopped crying Jac: 😂 Jac: you wanna watch out she'll be going 'round to every dealer she can find and asking 'em to stop, as a concerned mother Amelia: maybe she'll send me to rehab Amelia: very 👸🏻 Jac: throw in some conversion therapy for free Jac: least you don't need a sly abortion too Amelia: no way, you can have Darla, my parents are real allies Amelia: there are so many knitted and embroidered 🌈 in this 🏠 Jac: lovely Jac: that's just her aesthetic Amelia: 😂 Jac: I'd sooner die than have my parents come at me with anything rainbow Amelia: it's unlikely Jac: I'll air on the side of impossible, thanks Amelia: what are you doing with her then? Jac: gym Amelia: 🤨 Jac: you're familiar with the concept Amelia: but not why you would want to Jac: rude Amelia: I mean, 1. go for a run outside, that's way more you 2. you don't need to, clearly 3. 😴 Jac: I'm not as sleepy as you Jac: what the fuck did you take, xanax Amelia: I'm not on commission and also I don't know Jac: wow, so smart Amelia: I wasn't trying to make a wise move Jac: clearly Amelia: I've heard it all from my parents Jac: you had a go at me for drinking too much Jac: you've got some nerve Amelia: okay, god Amelia: I get it Jac: it's so typical Jac: did my brother or sister have any Amelia: I don't know Amelia: not with me Jac: don't lie to me Amelia: I'm not Jac: I'll find out if they have Jac: again, typical Amelia: Jess wasn't even that drunk, he spent all his time playing the new stuff he's been working on Amelia: he was excited about it Jac: whopee for him Amelia: and Jude wasn't there long before the party ended Jac: Fine, I believe you don't know Amelia: I don't have any reason to lie to you Jac: you have plenty Jac: but I guess you are that shit of a mate Jac: not gonna cover for him, like Amelia: we can't all be Darla's, I guess Jac: 🙄 Jac: you're so salty like you didn't just throw a fuck you party Amelia: what do you want me to say? I've already admitted that I'm not a good friend to have and I don't want to be his Jac: I'm just saying, why are you surprised Jac: not like I'm claiming I'm an amazing friend here Amelia: I'm literally the opposite of surprised Jac: she's easy to talk to Amelia: okay Amelia: I'm sure she'll pick you up soon Jac: just gonna have to kick Jude out my way Amelia: I'll leave you to that Jac: you're going to sleep more like Jac: night Amelia: I'll try Amelia: but my mum is back to cleaning up again Jac: unlucky Jac: do something productive Amelia: I've already passed my theory Jac: help your mum, you lazy cow Jac: also you still have one of my best tops somewhere Amelia: she was this close to smacking me with a duster earlier because I can't match her standards Amelia: do I, which one? Jac: [a pic of one of 'em wearing it] Jac: you better have Jac: maybe your mum is using it as a duster Amelia: 😂 Amelia: no, I've got it Jac: 👍 Amelia: I'll sneak out when you need it back Jac: I'll survive Amelia: right now, because you're mad at me Amelia: but you'll want it back eventually Jac: when am I not pissed off at you Amelia: there's an obvious answer but my mum will notice my 😳 Jac: can't have that Jac: not that much of an ally Amelia: not to you Jac: 💔 Amelia: at least I'm not lying on top of sneaking around now, you're welcome Jill Jac: I'm not your bad example, fuck off Amelia: she knows the truth again, is what I meant Jac: hmm Jac: alright Amelia: you're especially pissed off today, I get it, you don't need to be so quick on the draw Jac: you are being a special sort of dickhead Jac: that'll be why Amelia: 😕 Jac: don't give me that Jac: you know what you did Jac: and you're on a comedown, so sit with how shit you feel and don't forget it next time you wanna get high Amelia: I'm sorry, you know Amelia: not just feeling it for myself Jac: yeah, your mum cried Jac: I heard Amelia: yeah but I'm specifically giving you an apology for my 'fuck you' party, or I'm trying to, anyway Jac: just don't invite my brother again and it's whatever Amelia: I'm not hosting again, I assumed that was pretty evident Jac: your parents are never leaving the house again Jac: that's definite Amelia: exactly Jac: oh well Amelia: my grades will soar if nothing else Jac: parties are overrated Amelia: but I'll never see you if neither of us go Jac: you didn't invite me to this one did you Amelia: you already had plans so no Jac: he's well rich Jac: his house was nicer than Savannah's Amelia: I'm especially thrilled I didn't invite him, Jude's slagged off my house enough as is Jac: He might've come Jac: thinking he was well in Amelia: 😣 Jac: 😂 Amelia: it's not funny Jac: it is though Amelia: no, it isn't Jac: it's not like you have to sleep with him, Amelia Amelia: the has to bit is what makes this all really unamusing Amelia: because you think you do Jac: no I don't Jac: it helps, sure, but it's hardly involuntary Amelia: how has it helped? Amelia: your life is harder not easier Jac: that isn't because I fuck lads Jac: it's all the rest Amelia: yeah it is, that lad specifically means that you need to strategise with Darla Jac: only because of that other girl Jac: and I only had to go that hard because of her stupid posts in the first place Amelia: she's blocked you though Amelia: and I doubt she ever followed him Jac: she definitely did Jac: are you that gay you haven't heard the rumours about him? Amelia: apparently so because I have no idea what you're talking about Jac: 🐎 Amelia: oh great Jac: 😂 Jac: don't 😳 your mum will see Amelia: there's the complex you didn't give me over your gym buddy, thanks so much Jac: you're really going to go all Freud over this Amelia: no Jac: 🍆 envy is a whole new coming out Amelia: 🙄 Jac: technically, you'd be straight so Jac: something to consider Amelia: I'm not high any more, we don't need to Jac: if you say so Amelia: yeah, he's a 🎣 because 🤑🏠🐎🍆 Amelia: there's no competition or anything else to consider Jac: probably best not to change gender expression based on that alone Amelia: I don't plan to Jac: pleased to hear it Jac: anyway, my ride is here so Amelia: 👋 Jac: 👋

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actualyuuri · 7 years

Note

Viktor is a barista at a coffee shop near where Yuuri works. Yuuri stops in each morning and they obviously notice each other -- there are jokes about spelling Yuuri's name wrong etc. But one morning Yuuri walks up to order and Viktor already knows his standard order and that makes Yuuri super anxious because he doesn't like people remembering him since it feels like a lot of attention so he stops going to the coffee shop in the morning... take it away :D

Yuri or Yuuri?

length: 1.6k; rating: all ages;

“So the barista is…”

Attractive, Yuuri’s mind finishes automatically. The barista is off-putting in simultaneously the best and worst possible ways. He’s off-putting in the best way because he’s gorgeous, silver-haired and blue-eyed and everything that Yuuri’s wildest dreams couldn’t even come up with. But he’s also off-putting in the worst way because the barista’s aforementioned attractiveness makes Yuuri’s words come out in awkward, pieced-together chunks that make him appear to be an idiot.

“…nice,” Phichit finishes his phrase, smiling knowingly at Yuuri.

“He’s nice,” Yuuri agrees, dismissing the topic with a wave of his hand. He takes another sip of his drink.

Phichit takes the cup out of his hand, and Yuuri tries to grab it back, but his friend is squinting at the name written on it. Yuri. “He spells your name wrong.”

“Plenty of people do.”

“There’s no line right now. Why don’t I go correct him?”

Yuuri pales, takes his cup back and leans across the table, keeping his voice low. “Phichit, don’t you dare.”

“If you’re not crushing on him like you say, then why should it matter?” Phichit asks conversationally, folding his arms across his chest and tilting his chair so that it’s only balanced on the two rear legs. “You come in here every day. He should learn how to spell your name, don’t you think?”

“That’s rude, though,” Yuuri points out hopelessly. “To just correct him like that.”

“No, I’m sure he’d thank you.”

He sighs, buries his face in a hand.

When he peeks an eye out between his fingers to glance at the barista, though, the barista is looking at him. Which is a problem, because when the barista looks at him, his thoughts turn to gush. Which is what’s happening now. Because the barista is still looking at him. And won’t stop looking at him, apparently.

“How’s your drink?” the barista asks.

His drink. Right. He’d ordered a drink. A caramel macchiato. Right. It’s in front of him. On the table. And Phichit is in front of him, and Phichit is probably wanting him to respond, and obviously the barista is wanting him to respond. He opens his mouth, waits for the words to spill out, but they don’t.

“Yuuri is shy,” Phichit says, the epitome of charisma, “but there are actually two ‘u’s in his name. Just so that you know. Oh, and my drink is delicious.”

Yuuri swallows, smiles awkwardly. “So is mine.”

“Oh,” the barista says, and his name tag says Victor, so Yuuri should start thinking of him as Victor, except he shouldn’t, because somehow that name only makes him seem more attractive. “Sorry about that.” Then, he smiles. “Yuuri.” The way that his Russian accent curls around his name sends a shiver down Yuuri’s spine.

“That’s okay,” Yuuri hurries to say. “Um, plenty of people spell it wrong.”

“Plenty of people spell my name with a ‘k,’” Victor adds, obviously trying to be conversational, and it works—or it would work, if he were conversing with anyone other than Yuuri Katsuki. “Oh, it’s, er, Victor, by the way.” He points at his own name-tag.

“I know,” Yuuri answers.

He winces.

(Phichit winces.)

(Even Victor probably winces, internally.)

But externally, the employee laughs, runs a hand through his hair.

There’s a silence.

Phichit kicks Yuuri lightly underneath the table.

Yuuri clears his throat. “Um, I like your name.”

The barista—Victor—lights up at that. “Yours isn’t bad either, Yuuuuri.” He purposefully stretches out the ‘u’ sound and Yuuri laughs, glad that this guy seems to be good at making conversations out of seemingly anything. “See you around?”

“See you around.”

“One caramel macchiato for Yuuuuuuri?” Victor asks the next morning.

Yuuri blinks, surprised.

Victor knows his order.

Victor remembers his name.

(Victor’s eyes look extra blue today.)

He offers a shy smile, nods, pays.

When he picks up his cup, there are at least twenty ‘u’s on it. He spins it around, trying to read them all, and catches Victor watching him, amused, from the counter. “Look at the bottom of the cup,” he advises.

Yuuri looks at the bottom of the cup.

There’s a phone number written there.

Victor has a finger on his lips and winks at him.

Needless to say, Yuuri avoids the coffee shop.

“I thought you liked him,” Phichit groans, exasperated. “He obviously likes you.”

“He’s intimidating,” Yuuri explains helplessly. He does feel a twinge of guilt for going to a different coffee shop for the past week. They do have good coffee where Victor works, and Victor is very friendly. But he’s also intimidating—that’s definitely not a lie.

Victor practically oozes charm.

(Charm that Yuuri is not, and never will be, prepared for.)

Phichit doesn’t look impressed. “I’m pretty sure you’re the one who intimidated him. That guy lit up whenever you walked in. You might not be able to notice, but I can. So I think you should start going back there. Face your fears.”

Phichit eventually convinces him to go back.

“Yuuuuuuri!” Victor calls from the counter.

There’s a redhead grinning at him. She touches Victor’s shoulder, squeezes it, then turns away to focus on something else. Yuuri smiles brightly back at Victor, whose enthusiasm is contagious. “Good morning.”

“Where’ve you been? I started to think that maybe you’d lost your caffeine addiction.”

Yuuri realizes that Victor is already working on his caramel macchiato.

It makes him happy in a way that no amount of caffeine could make him happy. He takes out his wallet, but Victor shakes his head at him. “This one is on the house.”

“No, you don’t have to—”

“I insist. I don’t want to lose my favorite customer.”

If Yuuri wasn’t blushing before, he definitely is now. He accepts the drink gratefully, but he’s still lingering by the counter, and so is Victor, and the redheaded girl is out of sight, now. “Thank you,” Yuuri says, sipping it.

“Look at the caramel.”

There’s a caramel heart drawn across the whipped cream.

“Oh,” he breathes, then starts laughing. He meets Victor’s eyes, searches them. “Um…”

“If you want me to stop, you can tell me,” Victor tells him, shrugging one shoulder. “You know, if it bothers you or something.”

“It doesn’t bother me,” Yuuri promises.

Victor looks relieved, lets out a small laugh, and some tension that Yuuri hadn’t realized was there leaves his posture. “Great. That’s great.”

The next day, Google is written on his coffee cup in place of his name.

He looks at Victor, waiting for an explanation.

“You have everything that I’m searching for,” Victor tells him with ease.

Yuuri doesn’t think about anything else for the rest of the day.

“You know who you look a lot like?” Victor asks him on a Thursday.

“Who?”

“My next boyfriend.”

It has become a game between them, Victor flirting incessantly and Yuuri having an internal meltdown. He loves it, he hates it—he can’t decide. Either way, it always leaves him speechless, flustered, and Victor seems to feed off of that, sometimes touching his hands when he gives him the cup, sometimes adding an extra pick-up line just to top it off.

On Friday, it says Yuuuuuuri Nikiforov.

Yuuri knows Victor’s last name by now, pales at the sight of the cup and ducks his head with embarrassment. “What? Don’t you think it has a ring to it?” Victor asks, preening.

On Monday, the cup says Wi-Fi.

“I’m feeling a connection,” Victor tells him.

On Tuesday, it says Ariel.

“We were mermaid for each other.”

Yuuri laughs a little too hard at that one, and his hand brushes across Victor’s forearm. During Victor’s break an hour later, he comes and sits next to Yuuri, and they easily talk about everything and nothing, smiling and laughing and learning about each other and Yuuri wonders how it’s possible for someone to make sitting in a small coffee shop so magical.

On Wednesday, it says gorgeous.

“I’m running out of ideas,” Victor admits. “So you’re going to need to go out with me soon or I’ll have to resort to some really, really bad jokes, and trust me, you don’t want to hear them.”

“So you don’t think the ones so far have been bad?” Yuuri responds without missing a beat.

Victor clutches his heart and pretends to pass out. Turns out there’s a woman waiting at the counter to be helped, and she’s not nearly as impressed with Victor’s sense of humor. Yuuri, on the other hand, is stifling laughter behind his hand. As soon as her drink is made, Yuuri bites his lip, nods. “I’ll go out with you.”

“You will?”

“Sure.”

Victor grins, touches his hand and laces their fingers. “Tomorrow night?”

“Sure,” Yuuri repeats, breathless.

“Dinner? A movie, too? Or is that too much?”

“I’m… I’m okay with both,” he answers, “if you are.”

“I’m okay with both,” Victor agrees. “What movies do you like? Horror movies? No, romance movies? No, no, comedies. We’ll watch a comedy. I’ll surprise you, but you’ll like it, I promise. How does six o’clock sound?”

Yuuri just nods, not trusting himself to speak.

Victor walks around the counter to hug him. “Thanks for saying yes, Gregory.”

Yuuri falters, confused. “Oh, my name—”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I know that your name is actually Lewis.”

“Victor…”

Victor pulls away, squints at him. “Jeremy? Peter, maybe? Oh, I guess I forgot your name. Maybe instead I could just call you mine?”

Yuuri groans when the joke processes in his mind. “That was the worst one yet.”

“I lied, I wasn’t completely out of bad jokes,” Victor says, and plays with the sleeve of Yuuri’s sweater. “I’ll have more for you tomorrow night, I promise.”

“Are you trying to get me not to go?”

Another customer enters the building, and Victor gives him one last blinding smile before going to help them. “See you tomorrow, Robert.”

“Okay, Michael,” Yuuri answers, waving to him.

#yuri on ice #anonymous #hope u like it anon #ur stereotypical coffee shop au #featuring lots of bad jokes #looK OUT #for the jokes #there are some bad ones #like #really bad #iwrotethis

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Billie & Indie

Billie: Indie! Pabs made frango a passarinho, you want in? Billie: also he said he saw you out at that boy in his year's party on Saturday Billie: you must not have seen him Billie: I got lunchtime detention for all the notes I was trying is pass you in Maths! Billie: Too busy 💤 or doodling, that is the question Indie: spitting dem bars all the way to my 💘 but nah itd be a mad treck from where i @ Indie: lo must have it twisted cos i aint rolling w dem younger rudeboys at no gatherings Indie: my bad tho Indie: too sleepy innit Indie: olders got partys for me to hit up standard Billie: where are you laying your head these days my dear? Billie: aside from your desk, naturally 😋 Indie: 😂😂 Indie: getting the zzzs i need there like Indie: wen im in im out for the count Billie: but what about all the times you're not in 🤔 Indie: in endz Indie: rollin w my boyz or my BOY you know Indie: its chill Billie: what does rolling entail exactly Billie: i'm unfamiliar Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: rolling up 🚬 standard but can be any thing Indie: hangin, chillin reh teh teh Indie: it be what it be, bills Indie: 🚀🚀🚀 tho Billie: I still feel like those are all just different words for the same thing Billie: which still eludes me but I'm glad you're having fun! Billie: We miss you though, don't you have any time to spare, pleaaaaaaaaaaaase Indie: what you need im here rn Indie: hit me w it Billie: I don't need anything, just want your company silly Indie: you got it Indie: we chatting Billie: Yes, of course Billie: but in person too, yes? Billie: It's not the same without you Indie: what you trying to see my face for? Indie: its still this Indie: [sends selfie] Billie: 😂 Billie: [sends back suitably silly selfie of own] Indie: living for it baby Indie: you looking 🔥 Billie: Thank you Billie: Now I got all the pink out Billie: surprisingly stubborn stuff Indie: mine got dashed mad fast Indie: must be dem curls holdin Billie: Yeah and mine isn't even as textured as some of the others Billie: thank god Ri didn't do it too Indie: she aint as extra as how we is Indie: blessed that i aint blood of ya cos my mans werent feelin the look Indie: hed be proper vexed if it stayed Billie: os homens não sabem nada Indie: this boy got plenty knowledge trust 😏 Billie: NADA 👏 Indie: you reping sound like the other mckenna rn Indie: something you wanna chat ? Billie: I don't need to come out, no Billie: but I appreciate the offer of a listening ear and open mind Indie: safe Indie: you down to mix me up 💘 potion? Indie: thatd be valued by me Billie: Why do you need it? I thought we were in love? Billie: Not you and me 😂 Indie: 😂 Indie: steady bills Indie: not trying to come for your sister & mckennas ⛈ Indie: let em have a min baby Billie: I don't think anyone is enjoying the rain Billie: we're safe to move on Indie: innit tho Indie: hold it for me @ school & ill come thru yeah? Billie: Of course Billie: but what exactly do you want to happen? it changes what I have to do Indie: gotta keep him 😍😍😍😍😍😍 Indie: that mood Billie: That should be fine Billie: I can't force or influence freewill and fate, obviously but I can certainly help along what is there, that shouldn't be a problem Indie: what it gonna taste? Indie: not tryna make him 😵 Indie: not more than he like standard least 😂 Billie: It's okay, more than likely we'll get you to drink it Billie: then you can attract the love, if you see what I mean Indie: how it not gon attract some next man tho? Billie: with great power, Indigo Billie: you know how to control your allure, I trust 😂 Indie: mayb we swerve it Indie: not tryna get dashed for this like 💔 Billie: Well that shouldn't happen Billie: it's not viagra Indie: 😂😂 Billie: You seem worried Indie: nah Indie: all good Billie: Are you sure? Billie: I've got lots of things for anxiety and stress Indie: what i got to b flat roofin over? Indie: keep your stash Billie: you tell me Indie: nah im jam Indie: nothing to chat on Billie: Good Indie: how you b? Billie: Well, on reflection Billie: I'm okay most of the time but in general I'm quite sad Indie: 💔💔💔 Indie: you got no spells for it? Billie: I'm trying Billie: everything, every day Billie: but not everything can be sorted with magic Billie: not of that kind, anyway Indie: tru Indie: its a madness Indie: i feel it Billie: I know Billie: We've got to stick together Indie: ri aint here tho Indie: not how it can be Billie: Indie Indie: ? Billie: I think Edie has gone too Billie: lots of her stuff is gone Indie: she gon come back thru Indie: thats just how she rolls Indie: dont get it twisted & get 😢 Billie: I know but she usually only takes a bag Billie: if anything Indie: how you kno she not she not shoting her garms for the cash? Indie: gotta do what you gotta do innit Billie: Maybe you're right Indie: if you still got no peace after hot min come @ ri w it Indie: thats how she do making shit hectic again Indie: idk Indie: ma vibes like Billie: Like you said, she's not here either Billie: soon none of us will Indie: shes rollin deep w mckenna but she aint out your reach Indie: you in my inbox you can b in hers Billie: Not the same is it Indie: as face2face nah but better than no thing Indie: trust Billie: I guess so Billie: I hope she comes back Billie: it's horrible when we have to tell the police, they basically blame mum and dad Indie: the feds dont kno how to be anything but amp bringin the dred Indie: dont take it hard Billie: it was different the first few times Billie: now she's just a known runaway and they don't even try to help Billie: just get angry about the paperwork and wasted time Indie: they love to get vexed Indie: always on me too cos i got this face & name Billie: Yeah Billie: I thought they were meant to help Indie: nah baby they only bout helping theyselves Indie: sorry you had to get schooled on that like this Indie: been round me all days late cos the madness drew tryna live rn Indie: like i kno where hes @ Billie: I heard Billie: I always used to think it was a good thing when he went to prison Billie: is that bad Indie: nah man Indie: he heading back that kinda way rejoice in it if you wanna Indie: some good gotta come Billie: Selfish really Billie: but it meant you got to stay with us all the time and he wasn't around Billie: he messed with the vibes Billie: everything was bad when he was around Indie: speak your truth bills 😂 Indie: shots fired Billie: I'm sorry Billie: I try not to be hateful towards anyone but Indie: if you feel it you feel it Indie: whats acting like you dont gon do? Billie: I tend to think of it as wasted or at very least misplaced energy Billie: I try to feel sorry for people I don't get good energy from, or just ignore them Indie: i been knew about wasted energy fr 😂 waiting for my 🚀🚀 to hit like Indie: better energy be coming when i come up Billie: Does it work? Indie: yeah Indie: esp this new kick im on Billie: That's good Billie: what are the side effects Indie: depends what you trying to take Indie: dont be channelling the 👻 of my mas fix on your first go out Billie: I'm just working out the pros and cons Billie: doesn't it scare you? because you're mum died Indie: aint no thing that scares me Indie: we all going Indie: & she got me, not trying to let anything do me like how she went Billie: What's that like? Billie: I'm not scared of death but I'm in no great hurry Indie: its good Indie: nothing can touch me Indie: if im livin im livin if i aint i get to be this age forever 👻 Billie: That must be very reassuring Billie: What about good things though, can they touch you? Indie: how you mean? Billie: I mean, they say you have to know bad to know good Billie: so if you don't have that, do you get to have good or is untouchable outside of that Indie: i kno all it but it just dont be affecting me like that Indie: unless how i want it Indie: all good all the time Billie: Interesting Billie: I wish I could try it sometime Indie: i got you Indie: come thru & link me when Billie: Really? Billie: Okay Billie: I thought I might need a dead parent too Indie: is that tryin to be my key? idk Indie: i was reckonin on drews connections being that if there is Indie: 🚀🚀🚀 life Billie: I misunderstood slightly Billie: I thought that was what made you untouchable but in that case Billie: I'd be happy to try Indie: could be connected i cant speak on knowin Indie: i only got 1 dead ma & didnt get to kno her like that Billie: Yes, I would never ask you to share Indie: 😂 im saying i got others who aint Indie: so mayb its not a powerful thing Billie: we'll have to see Indie: not that i got em rn if you tryna test Billie: mothers or drugs? Billie: i'm lost Indie: mas Indie: you kno i always got the other Billie: Why not? Indie: we gone from each other Indie: like you said everyone is Billie: you just have to come round Billie: you know Indie: where? Billie: home Indie: but where that tryin to be now? Billie: Wherever your family is Indie: & who are they now? Billie: Whoever you choose Billie: us included, I hope Indie: nah Indie: it dont get to be however i want Billie: Why not? Indie: idk its not the way Indie: everyone tryin to tell me how to choose & aint listenin Billie: I'm listening Billie: and the universe Billie: What do you want, Indie? Indie: I want it how it was Indie: nah i want him gone and her back Billie: Yeah Billie: Me too Billie: I think we all do Billie: I'm thinking on ways to make it so Indie: but even if she comes home it aint gonna be for me just you Indie: we got too much beef Billie: I didn't know Billie: what happened? Indie: she got no love for me rn cos i trying to keep my mans Indie: she dont understand how i feel Billie: I see Billie: Did you tell her? Indie: yeah but she aint trying to kno she just wanna be vexed and tell me how to be Indie: shit gets too heated Billie: She'll calm down Billie: it's nothing to lose a sister over is it Indie: tell her Indie: she aint spoke to me since i got my ink Indie: she said she aint here for me its done Billie: I know she didn't mean that Billie: do you actually want me to talk to her for you? I can Indie: what you think you gonna say? Indie: she aint gonna be about me unless i dash him Billie: You're more important to her than that Billie: I'll just tell her you want to talk Indie: i cant Indie: i aint got no energy to be fighting w her Indie: hes here & she aint that decides it Billie: Okay Billie: It's up to you Indie: nah Indie: no things up to me they are how they are Billie: If you don't try to change them, yeah Billie: not saying you have to Indie: girl i aint got power like that i aint you Billie: If I had any more than you she'd be back already Billie: but you have to try, right? Billie: Passivity is still a choice Indie: it hurts Billie: I know Billie: but it doesn't feel Billie: good, lack of a better word Billie: accepting how it is either, does it? Indie: nah but its easier to act than trying & getting owned for it Indie: you feel me? Indie: if you gotta let stuff in where you gonna stop Billie: Hmm Billie: Good question Billie: When the stuff is more bad than it is good Indie: how you measuring Indie: shits such a heavy mix Billie: That's the trick, isn't it Billie: Depends how much bad you're willing to take Billie: they aren't equal, bad deeds weigh much heavier Billie: there'd need to be a lot more good to counteract them Indie: hear this, if a boy makes me feel everything that's bad and its good Indie: he hurts me and he wants me Indie: is it equal or nah? Billie: I can't tell you what you can deal with, only what I think you should Billie: and it doesn't sound equal to me Indie: but maybe close as imma get Indie: w how lads be Indie: they want what they want and how they want it & if he wants me then thats good Billie: What's good about it? Indie: feelin the love Indie: like who we tryna measure him against? mckenna? your da? idk thats a madness Indie: they grown Billie: I don't think all boys are like that Billie: or men Billie: there's an inbetween Indie: is it tho Billie: 'course Billie: we're not like lots of girls at school but we're not grown either Indie: idk maybe ive got things twisted Indie: or maybe i cant hit you w the real words Billie: That's alright, you don't need to Billie: get it right for yourself though, that's important, even if it takes a while Indie: what if rio been right & she hates me Billie: She doesn't hate you, for one Billie: and she's not going to hit you with an 'I told you so' Billie: give her a chance Indie: i gotta hit her up Indie: imma do it Billie: Well done Billie: I'm so sure it'll be worth it Indie: youre sick Indie: 💖💖💖 Billie: ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 Indie: real 👑 moves Indie: im not about to forget it Indie: 🚀🚀🚀 or nah Billie: 'Course not 😊 just try to see my notes next time 😂 Indie: innit tho Indie: come find me when he aint around Billie: 👍 Will do

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