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deco-devolution · 3 years

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Sexuality & Gender In Columbia

Okay, so this is a frankly huge topic to cover, and because there is so little direct reference to any non-heterosexual/cisgender culture in the games, a lot of this will be me sharing/explaining my headcanons/worldbuilding. My ideas will be based on historical record of LGBT+ struggles at the time (1890-1915) and mostly US-centric, as Columbia seems to be fairly westernized. in addition, I will be focusing purely on the lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans communities to cut down on post size and research time. Here we go!

Note: These all refer to Columbia (Rapture has a separate post) culture in the peak of the city’s life- a snapshot into queer Columbia circa 1910, roughly speaking. As such my talk about the culture is purely as I’d imagine it to be at that specific time only with no details as to the cultural development to that point.

cw for homophobia, transphobia, q slur

Sexuality In Columbia

If you’re not straight it’s over for you

Quips aside, just from playing the game you can tell Columbia is ruled by the most staunch of conservatism. The Edwardian Era in real-world history made heavy emphasis on modesty and a sense of duty but Columbia takes it a step beyond, and this can be seen in most every example of media or dialogue found in-game. Having such traditional Biblical leanings, it can easily argued that this also extends to sexuality.

Right off the bat, I feel like this is Heterosexual (& Cisgender) Land™. Any other sort of attraction, be it gay, bisexual, or anything else, is considered reckless experimentation at best and ungodly and deserving of punishment at worst. Aside from the religiously-motivated belief that only straight relationships are legit, there’s another reason they’re so heavily emphasized- population growth. Columbia, for all its pomp still has a relatively small population on a national scale- just from some educated guesses I’d put it around the borough to town region, as indicated on the settlement hierarchy of ekistics. While the limited space of the city means that the population can’t just continue to grow, a certain rate of births is needed to keep the population level.

Interestingly enough, even though Columbia is a hotspot of religious zealotry, the city still follows the conventions of Edwardian/Early WWI society- very proper, highly formalized in its ideals. Aside the propaganda and fearmongering, personal details are still taboo in polite conversation.

Cruising is done in places where social conventions are significantly different from formal events or even everyday conventions- namely the beach, pubs and lounges.

In the same vein, hookups, flings, and dates are called vague things like “going out to lunch/drinks”, “going for a stroll” or “having a picnic” and same-gender partners are typically referred to as close friends. It’s all very underhanded, the result of both Edwardian discreetness and closeted language.

Gender In Columbia

Like most of Columbian society, the queer groups in Columbia tend to gather based on gender. Lesbians share space with bisexual women, and gay men stick with bisexual men. As far as trans communities go, however, the cisnormative, rigid interpretation of gender predominant in Columbia means that they tend to be misunderstood among the other queer groups. Typically not in a blatantly hostile way but rather an obnoxiously condescending “poor confused dear” way.

Gender is not so much an identifier as much as an determinator; whatever you are assigned will be the factor driving not only your upbringing but your life choices as well.

There are quite a few social clubs that operate as safe spaces for the community- they typically rotate between the members’ houses and frequently merge or splinter with or from other groups, going from book club, to knitting social to any other politely banal gathering.

For those looking to dress how they’d like in safety, ‘costume clubs’ are popular among gender non-conforming, trans people and those interested in crossdressing. They present themselves as sort of novelty dance halls with every day being a masquerade. While technically legal, their image is strongly connected to immorality and looseness in Columbia and as such they’re rare and subject to higher levels scrutiny then other halls.

Because of the rigidity of the culture, the LGBT+ culture in Columbia uses nonverbal queues to state their identities- for example men place certain flowers in buttonholes or alternatively pin them to their lapels to let outsiders know they’re in the community. Women can put these same blossoms in their hats, brooches and hair. These include flowers such as lavender, violets, pansies, carnations and daffodils.

There are HRT gene tonics for sale- they’re marketed under the guise of improving a woman’s femininity or man’s masculinity, they’re sold in pharmacies in the health and beauty aisles without the need for a prescription. This helps some looking to transition do so much easier, though the issue of financial barriers for those who are younger and/or living in poverty still linger. As far as options like SRS go, the procedure is entirely underground, practiced by surgeons of varying repute. While being able to do so successfully is considered a show of skill, most practitioners and citizens are morally opposed to the idea.

Unlike Rapture, there’s not many fun or quirky terms for LGBT+ citizens. Those with same gender attraction are rudely referred to as “victims of unnatural passions” and those who ID as anything other then cisgender are accused of “falling into delusions of identity”. Among themselves though, WLW call themselves “Lady Lovers of Liberty” (as in the statue based on the Roman goddess Libertas) while MLM call themselves “Sons of Antinous” while trans citizens typically refer to themselves as “Children of Agdistis”. (Note that while Agdistis was portrayed as intersex in Roman mythology, their nonbinary existence and transformative identity made them a relatable icon for most trans people in Columbia)

Questions or comments? Let me know! Thanks for reading.

#mine #bioshock infinite #biotalk #bioshock #will update soon!

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bisluthq · 3 years

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hi nat! i know you don’t believe in kaylor anymore, but i wanted to send in my kaylor/joshlie theory, just as food for thought and fun speculation.

CW: ED

background:

back in 2017, i made a new friend. i quickly became kinda obsessed with her. i idolized how tall and skinny she was, her radiant sunshine-like presence, and the way she was so much cooler than me. something about her just drew me in like a magnet.

one day she told me that she was “bi-curious,” and i felt the unexplainable urge to tell her that i was queer too—so i did.

thus started our intense homoerotic friendship. we talked about everything, and she was rather touchy and flirty with me (we even hooked up a few times). but she was hung up on this dude who she’d been in a long-term off-and-on relationship with. looking back, i think she saw me as a willing participant in her experimentation phase—a source of casual fun while on a break from her ‘real’ relationship (plus, i came with the added bonus of helping her figure out her sexuality a bit).

meanwhile, i was serious about us because i was in love with her. as such, the relationship was obviously very unhealthy: neither of us had appropriate expectations of the other, and because of the imbalance in our level of commitment/love, she ended up inadvertently taking advantage of my friendship in ways that only increased my obsession with her. naturally, our friendship eventually imploded.

i think the kaylor story may look similar.

my theory on kaylor:

i think that kaylor had a very similar friendship as me and my friend. their connection obviously started out as pr, but they ended up getting along well and bonded. thus started their genuine friendship.

i think that their eating disorders were likely a strong source of bonding/connection for them, as this was the case for me and my friend as well. i wanted to emulate how skinny my friend was, just how i think taylor wanted to emulate how skinny karlie was. (remember the vogue best best friends video, in which taylor complemented karlie’s “shiny abs.”) this is obviously an unhealthy place to start a friendship: from day one, you are on uneven ground, where one person is essentially worshipping the other and seeing them as a god-like figure to emulate.

imagine that taylor in that sort of mindset with karlie. and on top of that, she’s attracted to karlie—obsessed with her skinny body, her sunshine-like personality, how sophisticated she is, how effortlessly successful she is, etc. she develops an infatuation with karlie. she wants to take karlie to big sur with her and play 1989 on the way, and she’s so obsessed with karlie that she wants to tell her the truth about the 1989 muse. (trust me, it’s feasible—i told my friend shit i’d never have even imagined confessing to another human, all because of how infatuated with her i was.) so taylor and karlie sit down, have an intensely emotional conversation about how taylor is bi, how the pressures of staying closeted gut her every day, how her relationship with the 1989 muse dianna was so full of strife due to closeting, etc. /// or maybe taylor feels that she must disclose her bisexuality to karlie before the big sur trip. she’s terrified that if she doesn’t tell karlie she’s bi, then karlie will somehow find out. and taylor’s afraid that then, karlie will be creeped out that a ~predatory lesbian~ invited her on a three-month sleepover, leading to the demise of their friendship. so taylor must avoid that outcome – so she must come out to karlie.

so, for either reason i described, taylor comes out to karlie. considering how scared taylor is to come out to karlie (since it might ruin their friendship, or karlie might maliciously out her to others now that she knows, etc.) and considering how generally poor taylor’s mental health was at the time, the coming out inevitably evolves into an intensely emotional conversation about taylor’s fears, insecurities, the pressures of being a closeted mega-celebrity, etc. perhaps karlie feels compelled to match the level of emotion and vulnerability, motivating her to tell taylor “i’m questioning if i might be a little bi too.” or perhaps taylor’s level of earnestness and rawness stirs up the illusion of intense emotions inside of karlie. so, karlie “comes out” to taylor – confessing that she’s questioning/bi-curious (for context, i think karlie is kinsey 1). /// (to show the validity of this possibility – this is how evangelical churches, such as the one shown in the 2006 documentary “jesus camp”, are able to convince children that they’re being overcome by the holy spirit, being prompted by god to break down in tears, etc. – psychologically speaking, when people are put into highly intense emotional situations, [such as taylor breaking down while coming out to karlie], their brains will feel inadvertent pressure to match the level of emotion. as such, their brains will either exacerbate existing relevant emotions, or create the illusion of relevant strong emotions. [this is probably especially true for karlie, since she is an empath and a people pleaser.]).

thus starts the “friends with occasional benefits” stage. karlie views the relationship as something casual, something that gal pals do sometimes, something fun to experiment with while she and josh are on a break, and maybe with the added bonus of helping her figure out if she’s actually a little bit queer.

but taylor falls hard. as i already said, i think taylor was infatuated with karlie’s personality, success, and skinniness. that’s why taylor is willing to engage in such an unhealthy and un-reciprocal relationship: she’s willing to tolerate josh’s presence, because her brain is so fixated on karlie that she’s willing to endure anything for her. taylor may even recognize that kaylor is doomed, but she’s so in love/obsessed that she can’t bring herself to care about anything other than the utter infatuation she feels in this present moment. (this was true of me and my friend – my friend would literally vent to me about her long-term on-again-off-again boyfriend, and i was willing to endure it because of how obsessed with her i was.) or maybe taylor’s somewhat in denial about josh. (this was also true of me and my friend – i had such a hard time conceptualizing that she had feelings for the man that my brain, to some extent, refused to fully grasp the reality of that.) or maybe taylor was even in denial about how intensely she loved karlie, convincing herself that she just really valued her platonic friendship (i also did this – it took me months to admit that i had a crush on my friend and admit that my level of obsession wasn’t normal gal pal behavior – even though i was already out to myself.) also keep in mind the eating disorder dynamic here – taylor looked to karlie as an idol regarding how to eat healthy, exercise, be skinny, and be successful. the mindset of people engaged in eating disorders tends to be obsessive and unhealthy to the extent of being willing to ignore reality / unknowingly refusing to accept reality, possibly including the reality of josh, if taylor feels like her skinniness is dependent on her connection with karlie.

so basically, karlie sees this as a gal pal fling, friends with the occasional casual benefit. taylor, conversely, is infatuated with karlie. one thing that really confirms this for me is kissgate. taylor was liking kaylor shipped tumblr posts shortly before kissgate – she obviously was feeling something for karlie that night. but karlie wasn’t committed to taylor to the same level – yes they (allegedly) made out, but karlie made out with josh immediately afterwards. /// to taylor, kaylor is a ship, an endgame. but to karlie, taylor is just a fun little pit stop, and she’s gonna go make out with her real boyfie immediately after.

eventually, the friendship inevitably implodes, leading to their breakup in 2016. some straw finally breaks the camel’s back on this relationship which was unhealthy and doomed from day 1.

now let’s look at lyrical evidence from repuation that supports my theory.

lyrical evidence from reputation:

ready for it

the bearding anthem. verses “he” are joe, as confirmed by the music video. chorus “you” is her fantasy idealized version of long-term kaylor.

there’s a reason that the “you” relationship (in the chorus) is happening IN HER DREAMS and not in real life – she pines for this committed and serious relationship with karlie, but that’s not reality.

but taylor has hope that it might happen – “i know i’m gonna be with you, so I TAKE MY TIME.” she imagines they’ll be friends-to-lovers, and she’s willing to wait as long as necessary for them to fully reach that lovers stage

this is a stretch, but “thief”/“robber” may refer to how she’s “stealing” karlie from josh lol. “touch me and you’ll never be alone” may also be a cheeky reference how taylor was like a temporary placeholder for josh – when karlie felt alone bc she and josh were on a break, taylor was like “touch me karlie, to keep you occupied while josh has left you alone. and oh yeah, if you end up in a relationship with me, then i promise that you’ll never be alone, bc i will commit to you, unlike that josh boy. i will be so much better than him, if you just let me.”

end game (but only the chorus/verse which taylor wrote)

“i WANNA be your endgame” – taylor is not in a committed relationship with karlie. as karlie sees it, they’re just fooling around. but taylor wants more than that: she wants to be karlie’s endgame.

“you and me would be a big conversation” bc they’re gay. (sorry joseph matthew alwyn, this line is not about you)

“i don’t wanna touch you …… like the other girls do” may be a reference to how karlie is gal pals with plenty of her female friends (example – her platonic yet very affectionate relationship with toni garrn). but taylor wants more than that – she wants their touches to be romantic rather than just platonic/occasionally casually sexual.

“i don’t wanna hurt you” – taylor fears that she’s bad news for karlie (a sentiment repeated in the first line of delicate, the bridge of i did something bad, etc.). this may be internalized homophobia – the predatory lesbian falls in love with her pure/innocent straight best friend and then corrupts her with homosexuality.

“but i ain’t tryna play” – taylor wants this relationship to be more than just the occasional fun/playful/casual hook up. she wants to be karlie’s end game.

“i hit you like ‘bang’, we tried to forget it, but we just couldn’t” may refer to the first time they hooked up. it was unexpected, just happened so suddenly (“like ‘bang’”). and they were just going to put it past them – sometimes friends hook up, it’s whatever. but taylor can’t move on from it.

“your body is gold” – self-explanatory. karlie is the gold rush girl, after all.

“you’ve been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks” reminds me of how i used to try to communicate my seriousness/love to my friend, but she’d laugh it off and assume i was joking. conversely, perhaps the “trick” is that taylor is pretending that she’s not super invested in karlie—maybe karlie is catching on to the fact that taylor is infatuated with her in a ~gay way~. taylor denies it, but karlie calls her bluff on that statement.

“here’s the truth from my red lips” – but in the music video, her lips aren’t red when she says this line. this may allude to all of the lying involved in her relationship with karlie (such as lying about just how in love with karlie she really was). or taylor may have her lips a different color because the truth has changed from the time she wrote this song to the time she’s filming the video – when she wrote this song, it was true that she wanted to be karlie’s endgame. but by the time rep era is here and they’re filming this video, the kaylor friendship is over, and it is no longer true that taylor wants to be karlie’s endgame.

i did something bad

just like in “ready for it”, i think the verses primarily refer to bearding (or maybe calvin/kimye, idk), but the chorus is about karlie.

“they say did something bad / then why’s it feel so good” – it is bad that she slept with karlie despite the fact that karlie is in a complicated long term relationship with josh. but the sex felt good ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

“and i’d do it over and over and over again / IF I COULD” – this implies that taylor only did ~the bad thing~ a few times, and she was unable to do it more times, even though she wanted to. this lines up with my theory that she and karlie hooked up a few times (casually in karlie’s eyes), but taylor wanted it to be more than just a few times (she wanted to be karlie’s endgame). but they couldn’t get to that committed place of routinely having sex bc karlie was still low key hung up on josh.

this is a very unlikely reach but – “he says ‘don’t throw away a good thing’” – “he” might be josh speaking to karlie about their relationship.

in the bridge, taylor says that she is a witch being unjustly burned. the witch is burned because she is being accused of the sin of dark magic – this parallels josh accusing taylor of being a witch who committed the sin of sleeping with his girlfriend, or maybe even the sin of “corrupting” the pure straight girl karlie. furthermore, the bridge invokes religious imagery of purgatory. and tbh, religious imagery is almost always gay xoxo.

don’t blame me

“don’t blame me, love made me crazy” again implies that taylor has committed a sort of ~crime~, such as the ~crimes~ i just mentioned regarding the don’t blame me bridge.

“my drug is my baby” – the drug reference makes me think of dependency. the obsession and infatuation i experienced with my friend (and that i suspect taylor experienced with karlie) is sort of like a drug dependency – and just like a drug dependency, the need for each other is not reciprocal (the drug does not need you back).

“shaking, pacing, i just need you” implies that taylor does not have “you”, which is consistent with my theory that she wanted kaylor to be endgame whereas karlie was only willing to doing occasional gal pal hook ups.

“for you, i would cross the line” / “they say she’s gone too far this time” – sleeping with josh kushner’s ~innocent straight~ girlfriend certainly crosses a line, lol.

“i would waste my time” – as i mentioned in my ready for it analysis, taylor hopes that kaylor be friends-to-lovers. she’s willing to wait as long as necessary for them to fully reach that lovers stage, even though she recognizes that the relationship is doomed and thus a waste of time.

“my name is whatever you decide” – we don’t have to “girlfriends.” we can just be “friends with benefits” or “gal pals” or whatever name you decide, because i am so desperate to have you at all that i will accept you in any form.

“i’m insane, but i’m your baby” – acknowledging that this unhealthy relationship/infatuation she has with karlie is “insane”

“halo hiding my OBSESSION” – “obsession” (!!!!) (that’s what i’ve been saying kaylor was!!!). also, “halo” is a religious metaphor, and religious metaphors are always gay xoxo. and this is a reach, but as a victoria’s secret angel, karlie wears a halo.

“i once was poison ivy, but now i’m your daisy” – i’m sorry, but i’ll never get over the fact that karlie tagged the daisy as taylor, and then taylor drew a picture of a daisy in an identical position above the word “daisy” in the handwritten lyrics.

“for you, i would fall from grace / just to touch your face” – religious metaphors are gay xoxo!

delicate – unsure if this song is about karlie (i think it’s more likely about lily or even joe), but if it is about karlie, it does align well with my kaylor theory.

“this ain’t for the best” – doomed relationship due to josh, corruption of straight girl, karlie won’t commit, etc.

“we can’t make / any promises” – karlie can’t commit to taylor like taylor wants/needs

“is it cool that i said all that? is it chill that you’re in my head? cuz i know that it’s delicate” – is it cool that i have gay feelings for you, bestie, because i know we’re toeing a very delicate line between friends and lovers?

“third floor on the west side” – iirc, the master bedroom of karlie’s west side apartment was on the third floor

“do the girls back home touch you like i do?” – contrasting platonic girls’ touches to the type of touch taylor is giving her. (similar vibe to “i don’t wanna touch you …… like the other girls do” in end game)

“stay here, honey, I DON’T WANNA SHARE” – i don’t wanna share you with josh

“I PRETEND YOU’RE MINE ALL THE DAMN TIME” – implies that karlie is not hers all the time (because she’s josh’s)

“i like you …… i want you” – taylor is Yearning™ for a deeper/more serious relationship with karlie

look what you made me do

i don’t think this song has much substance, but it may draw on themes/emotions from the kaylor friendship break up.

“i don’t like your games” – i don’t like how you led me on, making me feel like we could be forever when, in reality, you were never going to commit to me because you loved josh

“don’t like your tilted stage” – this reminds me of the power imbalance i mentioned earlier: taylor was obsessed with karlie and idolized her. karlie did not reciprocate this dedication and infatuation. because taylor’s love for karlie is so much more intense than karlie’s love for her, the metaphorical scale is imbalanced, making it tilt.

“the role you made me play, of the fool” – you made me out to be a fool, ready to confess my undying love even though you could never reciprocate. // furthermore, the “role” may refer to how they had to act like platonic girl squad besties as per their pr arrangement (reminds me of how karlie publicly said “taylor and i are still besties” after karlie’s name wasn’t on the junior jewels shirt in the lwymmd mv, how karlie promo-ed the “Me!” filter on Instagram, the song closure, etc.)

“your perfect crime” – the crime of sleeping with taylor despite being low key still with josh

“i got smarter” – i began to realize how unhealthy this warped and imbalanced friendship was

“you asked me for a place to sleep / locked me out and threw a feast” – this may refer to karlie had a ~designated bestie sleepover room~ in taylor’s house, and that enty blind about how karlie used taylor’s credit card and that caused a feud lol

i do not think that “so it goes” is about karlie – it’s too reciprocal. i don’t think gorgeous is about karlie specifically – maybe lily or just women in general. and i agree with andy’s theory that getaway car is more so an exercise in storytelling than a song that contains substantive clues about her relationships.

king of my heart

we have the photos showing that taylor wrote/recorded this after facetiming with karlie to watch the sunset together. taylor wrote this right after that romantic coded date, presumably during a high point of their friendship/relationship – as such, this song is more idealistic than most other kaylor songs. taylor is hopeful about the future of a committed endgame kaylor. (but, we’ll also see that taylor does still have some insecurities about kaylor.)

“now you try on calling me baby like trying on clothes” – karlie is just “trying on” calling her baby. karlie is new to this whole wlw thing, and she won’t be wearing these metaphorical clothes (a wlw relationship) for long – she’s just trying them on. furthermore, “trying on clothes” may reference how karlie is a model.

“salute to me, i’m your american queen” – i think i remember from my ttb days (derogatory) that there’s a video clip of karlie calling taylor “the perfect all-american girl” whilst doing a salute.

“you move to me like a motown beat” may reference the “motown beats” instagram post where kaylor are putting on lipstick together

the fact that taylor includes the line “all the boys and their expensive cars … never took me quite where you do” may be a sign of taylor’s insecurity. i think this may be a message to karlie – ‘yes, josh is a rich boy with expensive cars, but look, we are so much better than joshlie is.’ calling josh a mere “boy” is also a funny little insult – he’s not a man, he’s just some silly little boy who can’t satisfy you like i can.

“body and soul” – i think it might be significant that taylor specifies body AND soul. they’re already connected by the soul through their close friendship – but now they’re connecting sexually with their bodies as well. conversely, this could reference how they’ve already connected bodily through casual gal pal hook ups, but now taylor believes that they’re starting to connect on that romantic soul level as well.

“school girl crush” gives me such unreciprocated crush vibes. maybe taylor’s crush was unreciprocated for a while, but she has reason to believe that their relationship is growing into ~more than just friends~, as she’s desired

“drinking beer out of plastic cups” – knicks game

“say you fancy me, not fancy stuff” – “fancy” could just be straight-bait to make swiftwyn beards look more convincing, or it could be a re-dedication of the song to joe (just how the bridge of dress re-dedicated that song to joe). (for context, i believe in swiftwyn beards-to-lovers.) but what’s important here is that “fancying stuff” made me think of how, as a model, karlie is like madona’s Material Girl. rich boy josh with his fancy cars can give karlie more “stuff” to satisfy her inner material girl, but taylor wants to show karlie that she can give her deeper fulfillment than that.

“this is enough” – this might be taylor reassuring herself that their relationship, despite being in a weird ~gal pals who hook up occassionally~ is enough. even though they’re not ~girlfriends~, the relationship is enough, because taylor believes that they’re working their way towards that ~body and soul endgame wives~ type of relationship.

“all at once” may refer to a seemingly sudden shift in the nature of their relationship – one day, they’re (infuriatingly) just gal pals who hook up, but all of a sudden, taylor has reason to believe/hope that maybe they’re starting to be more than that, maybe inching their way towards endgame territory.

i do not think that dancing with our hands tied is necessarily about karlie. it seems too reciprocal to be just about her; it might be an amalgamation of many relationships and how she frequently fears being outed.

dress

“a golden tattoo” – drake’s party. also, karlie is gold rush girl

“all of this silence, pining and anticipation / my hands are shaking from holding back from you / all of this silence, pining and desperately waiting” – once again implies that taylor does not have karlie the way she wants her. there’s “pining” because she wants more than karlie can give. and taylor is “desperately waiting” in hopes that maybe one day karlie will reciprocate her love to the full extent that she desires

“i don’t want you like a best friend” – self-explanatory

“carve your name into my bedpost” – taylor is making a request – ‘please commit, please leave a sign that you are committed to me forever, please be my endgame.’ note the dichotomy between this plea for karlie to take the initiative to make the carving, versus the statement in the first verse of how karlie inadvertently left “an indentation in the shape of” her. the indentation was not an act of karlie’s chosen will – taylor just so happened to fall in love with her, and now she’s asking karlie to reciprocate by making that carving.

“inescapable, i’m not even gonna try” – taylor is resigned to the fact that she’s fallen for karlie, even though the relationship might be doomed (as the next line demonstrates)

“if I get burned, at least we were electrified” – taylor is acknowledging that this relationship is low key doomed, and if anyone is going to get hurt, it’ll be taylor. taylor will be the one getting “burned” by the intensity of her infatuation, whereas karlie won’t be burned because she never reciprocated that intense love. /// going back to my commentary on “carve your name into my bedpost” – note how taylor frequently references karlie “claiming” her (with “marks”, “indentations”, “carvings”, and now “burns”), whereas taylor never states that she’s claimed karlie in any way. i think this may reflect taylor’s recognition that she has fallen much harder for karlie than karlie has for her. karlie does not bear marks, indentations, carvings, or burns from their relationship, because she was never as committed as taylor was. but taylor bears all those things because it is she who fell so hard for karlie.

“you kiss my face and we’re both drunk” reminds me of that trope where the gal pals only make out when they’re drunk because they’re convinced they’re actually straight. maybe karlie is one of those straight girls who only has so much capacity for wlw sex, meaning that it happens more often when she’s drunk than when sober.

i do not think that “this is why we can’t have nice things” is a direct karlie song. it may indirectly reference how karlie “broke” the “nice thing” that was their relationship by refusing to commit, but i don’t think that the song has anything substantive to show us about kaylor.

i’m not sure if i think “call it what you want” is a kaylor song. on some level, “fit like a daydream” does sound like eating disorder taylor idolizing karlie’s body, and it’s interesting to me how the subject of the song expresses virtually no devotion to taylor, whereas taylor spends the whole song telling the subject “call it what you want – call us girlfriends, gal pals, whatever you want as long as i can keep you.” this reminds me a bit of kaylor.

new year’s day

“don’t read the last page” because i know that this book has a sad ending. this relationship is doomed, and it’s going to end poorly. but let’s put that out of our minds – i’m to infatuated with you in this moment to think about how this will inevitably end.

“i stay when you’re lost and i’m scared and you’re turning away” – when karlie is “lost” (leaving taylor to go back to josh) or “turning away” from taylor to go back to josh, taylor stays. she’s scared that she’s going to lose karlie, but she’s still going to stay, because she’s willing to “waste her time” (don’t blame me) waiting for karlie to choose her.

“i stay when it’s hard or it’s wrong or we’re making mistakes” – taylor is willing to stay through the mess of their imbalanced and un-reciprocal relationship even when that inevitably gets hard. their relationship is “wrong” because karlie is josh’s, and maybe kaylor was a mistake because of joshlie, but taylor doesn’t care – she loves karlie too much, so she’s going to stay and wait for karlie to choose her.

“i WANT your midnights” – implying that taylor does not currently have them, because karlie is not reciprocating the level of love taylor is giving and wants in return.

“hold on to the memories” implies that this relationship will be ending soon (because it is doomed), leaving karlie only memories to hold onto.

“i will hold onto you” – this goes back to the theme of taylor’s obsession. karlie is her drug – she’s addicted to her, and she will “waste her time” eternally waiting for karlie to choose her because she’s that obsessed with her.

“please don’t ever become a stranger” – why is taylor worrying about this? because the relationship is doomed, and becoming strangers feels like this horrible yet inevitable ending that will be a part of “the last page”

thanks for reading, and sorry about any typos!

⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

SUBMISSION

I found this as part of my Insta ask era but let’s look over this for thoughts. Haven’t read it yet but I know anon was stressed it got lost (it did because y’all talk too much but also don’t stop I love it).

#nat talks kaylor #submission

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m143ui · 4 years

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A MESSAGE TO THE PJO FANDOM

so hello friends on the other side

I understand some of the major concerns regarding characters like piper and the feather and hazels description but when you bring Leo and Reyna into the fucking conversation I have lost all respect.

ANYONE CAN BE ABUSED, ETHNICITY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT

LATINO CHARACTERS

Reyna is not a negative stereotype, she isn't defined by being latina and neither is Leo, he isn't a stereotype simply because he’s latino and was abused. also him being called an elf was because he was short, which had nothing to do with him being latino. also the mamacita comment like y'all hide under the label “progressive” but ignore that mamacita has been a thing in Latin American communities for a fucking while. its not an insult dammit. its something that happens in our communities!!! its like saying muchacho y'all don't see men bitching about that.

also shocker I read the mamacita comment and I can proudly say I didn't go

“RICK YOU RACIST BITCH”

things that actually happen in communities aren't racist

and before any of y'all come at me with the usual you’re white excuse, hello friends im Peruvian and Paraguayan.

I don't think he’s perfect but bitching about characters like Leo which gave many of my Latin American friends hope for similar characters destroys your “listening to minorities” argument

also the lol “hes Mexican taco bad” argument like I live in Mexico we eat tacos like every fucking day. its literally a fact. and Leo isn't just defined as taco man.

believe it or not us latinos respect rick because he gave us role models and characters like us. we don't define a character by one line and instantly call discrimination. like yes a asian character can be snobby it has nothing to do with ethnicity. y'all are making this about ethnicity. an asian character can be anything, just like a white character or a black character or a gay character. people are not simply defined by their labels like ya’ll think. y'all are just a bunch of easily triggered snowflakes that can't live with that. they can be influenced but in the end labels are labels we are all human and should be treated as such.

LGBT REPRESENTATION

another thing Reyna was never officially a lesbian that was YOUR interpretation not riordans. IF HE DIDNT STATE IT , SORRY HONEY IT ISN’T CANON! I don't care about how she was “lesbian coded” if he didn't state it it isn't canon.

I am so sick, as a lesbian, to see people use ALL QUEER DEATHS as a bury your gay tropes, what happened to seeing us as humans? why can't we be treated like any other character? if we die we die, it isn't always “haha gay evil boom death”. sometimes fully fledged characters have to die friends.

Nico isn't a bad gay character, he’s just a normal character who happens to be gay and has suffered major trauma. HIS TRAUMA WAS CAUSED BY HIS UPBRINGING, Nico isn't a 2000′s character, he’s from the 30′s, so obviously he woudn’t be perfect with his sexuality for gods sake it was the 30′s. the exact same thing happens with hazel, she isn't a modern black woman, she's a 30′s black woman. Nico’s coming out isn't him as a 21st century teen its from the time when the GOVERNMENT KILLED YOU FOR BEING GAY

also saying there are no lesbian characters? like wow look emmie and jo don't exist. Lavinia doesn't exist. poison doesn't exist. thanks fam you really make yourselves look smart here. simply because rick never said the word gay doesn't mean the gay characters don't exist friends. they are just labeled as what gay characters should be labeled as.... human.

LESBOPHOBIA & RACISM

im not educated in muslim or black culture so I won't mention characters like sam and hazel and piper because I respect and I am highly critical of what rick put in his books to describe these specific minorities.

HOWEVER saying rick is a lesbophobe, a homophobe, a racist a sexist cis guy is like do y’all wanna be taken seriously? use arguments don't hide behind words.

rick isn't a perfect writer but y'all really don't know how to criticise, y'all just hide behind big boy words and back it up with no evidence, just opinions.

rick doesn’t have the best minority rep out there but he is damn well trying and I respect that unlike all you fucking idiots.

SHIPS

now onto ships.... yay

frazel: im not gonna censor it like you pussies, believe it or not 13&16 year old relationships exist. they might not always be healthy but they exist. to deny this is to be stupid

solangelo: another ship that is censored..the main argument I've seen is that it isn't developed and will isn't even a character... he was in last olympian and lost hero not my fault y'all have fish brains. I don't care if you dislike it but don't be like “ANYONE WHO SHIPS THIS IS AN ABUSIVE WHORE” like wow you always preach about accepting all ships and then throw this? also if you hate solangelo because of the “abuse” but ship percico like hi friends Nico is 4 years younger than Percy.. if y'all hate frazel because of the 3 year age difference y'all should hate this too.

CONCLUSIONS AND SHIT

not every character minority or otherwise is gonna be the way you want them to be, believe it or not any character can be anything, black characters can be loud, white characters can be loud. if they're only loud because “haha black” then THATS an issue not the simple existence of a loud black woman who has a loud personality.

y'all be here bitching about drew and I've never heard the asian perspective of this? just a bunch of black and white people telling asians they should be offended. was that just an uno reverse?

also last point stereotypes aren't always a negative thing and y'all need to get that in your heads.

anyway stay mad hoes <3

from a sane Peruvian <3

EDIT

I saw this beauty and had to comment on it

“having LGBT characters experience abuse and violence. nicos forceful outing rubs me the wrong way, especially because hes called a coward for being in the closet. its violent and kind of disturbing to make your gay character come out of the closet by force. maybe write better. additionally, alex's abusive father and subsequent homelessness because of her being trans is badly written.”

oh noooo gay characters can't deal with homophobia anymore ! like I can tell you have never been punched for being gay. is it bad to showcase how trans and gay ppl are 40% of homeless youth? or is even mentioning that discrimination? believe it or not some of us live in countries where people try to kill us. you have an advantage and it shows. about the coward thing...

was FUCKING CUPID A GOOD CHARACTER? NO? I REST MY CASE. CUPID IS NOT SEEN AS A GOOD PERSON THEREFORE HE IS NOT A GOOD PERSON GET THAT IN YOUR THICK SKULLS.

YOU HEARD IT HERE FOLKS LGBT FOLKS DONT GET FORCED OUT OF THE CLOSET

#NEVER HAPPENS IN REALITY.

JUST BECAUSE YOU WERENT FORCED OUT OF THE CLOSET DOESNT MEAN OTHER PEOPLE HAVE THAT SAME LUXURY.

maybe stop spewing bullshit <3

(so I get that this scene can remind people of being outed and it can hurt them however this scene was never intended to be a good thing it literally says Nico is scared of facing his emotions)

EDIT NUMBER 2

oh boy rick really pissed off the snowflakes that I share a fandom with

“give Nico to the gays” no? he would be a femboy and they would yeet his trauma like ssrsly?

also hate rick? bitch no one is forcing you to read his tweets.

death of the author is such a toxic thing like the mans is alive boo he aint going nowhere..like What the fuck

EDIT NUMBER 3

anyway final thoughts on this :

nico insn’t Uwu gay and its an insult to his character

Reyna is not a lesbian canonically (neither is Thalia)

Leo and Reyna are not racist

none of ricks characters are written as insults to their communities

and if I see one more “but ....phobia/ ...ism I will do very illegal things

peace lol

RICK RIORDAN UPDATE:

congratulations rick antis! you have successfully harassed a 56 year old man into leaving social media! wow so progressive!!!! this totally won't backfire or anything!!!

all jokes aside all of you who harassed rick to the point of someone else taking over his social media should feel ashamed

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templeofshame · 4 years

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Alex in the Club: A Mark of Oxin analysis

[last Mark of Oxin analysis here]

The earliest instance of "Phil in the Club" is actually Alex in the club, in The Mark of Oxin. Young Phil's heaven features a club, complete with flashing neon lights, vague nudity, and propositions for casual sex with two angels of multiple genders. (It is, however, large and sparsely populated, and no one seems to be dancing.) It also has no apparent narrative significance for the game, but as the only implied sexual content in the game and with the opt-in establishment of our hero as potentially bisexual, it carries weight for the AmazingPhil narrative.

When we arrive at the club, it's notable that the sign says "Pub." It seems from my limited research that RPG Maker has a default pub sign and not a default club sign, so that's probably all there is to it. It seems highly unlikely that he didn't know the difference between the two, but that thought does remind me of a cultural reference he did have for a somewhat baffling club: The Bronze in Buffy. It blurred those pub/club lines while also sometimes functioning as a coffee shop and largely catering to teenagers and the supernatural, so there could be traces in Phil's pub/club.

Inside the club, we have catgirls and the naked man. I don't have the background to dig into the cultural influences young Phil's catgirls may have had; from my research, there are catgirls in some Final Fantasy games; based on Phil crediting Shawna with introducing him to anime, I'm guessing that video games would be the cultural inroad for him. For Phil, though, meowing and cat ears definitely came up throughout his early YouTube years, and it's hard for me to imagine that they didn't appeal to young Phil. People much smarter and more knowledgeable than me have done some great analyses of The Furry Question re: Phil, and I'd love to be able to say something more significant about young Phil and catgirls from a furry perspective, but my feeling is that the catgirls in Phil's club were NPCs that Phil introduced to relate to rather than oogle, but that also served an SMG-esque purpose of Straight Illusion. The "naked man," on the other hand, (looks like he's wearing a loincloth to me) seems to fall on the queerer side of things. Because in the club, young Phil was definitely walking a line of dipping a toe into queerness in front of his friends, but with room for ~heterosexual explanations~ of Phil the goofy teenager.

Because, yes, the most notable thing about the club is the angel threesome. The closest we get to a romantic plot is something Alex wants to tell Emily and doesn't, but as soon as he walks into the club, he's presented with a vague sexual invitation specifically for an encounter with a female and a male angel. It's not the stereotypical straight male fantasy of a threesome with two women; it's the queer element we were all looking for, perhaps using the idea of that fantasy as a shield. Just as Dan discussed in BIG, there seems to be safety for Phil as well in talking about bisexuality before he could fathom telling his friends he's gay (as also with old formspring answers etc.). Through the threesome, he could give his hero a sexual encounter with a man without focus being put on that (we never see the man) and with the "balance" of a sexual encounter with a woman very much present. And maybe he was still, at that point, figuring out his sexuality beyond knowing he liked boys and potentially trying to fit into a mold that said he should like girls (it was the same era as The Breakup). Beyond the genders involved, the threesome has the benefit of making the whole thing feel a little over the top, something easily laughed off, as Phil does in the video, as him being a silly teenager. It's a smart sort of plausible deniability way to make his friends interact with fictional queerness and for him to put it down into this game, to give it a sort of space outside of his head.

I think the question of how innocent Phil was or wasn't in his youth is always interesting, and the threesome is an interesting angle to look from. We've got the potentially bold choice to include a threesome with strangers Alex met at a club – definitely not bringing the "I wanted to go on a real date" vibes – but also the manner in which he handles it. The words he chooses are very vague; the fact that the implication is clear really lies in how little is said at all. Because anything but the Taboo Subject of sex would be more specific about what's being joined and thanked. It's a fade-to-black sexual encounter, without any sense of where they go or what they do besides... it's sexual. There's a kind of (age-appropriate) innocence in that, in having vague cultural ideas about things like threesomes, but avoiding really saying anything about it. (I'm probably personally biased here because I relate to throwing around vague sexual humor for the approval of my peers while I was actually a grayace girl still years away from a vague sense of maybe what sexual attraction means. That is obviously not Phil's situation. But we do know that he wanted to fit in and have the kind of firsts his friends were having, and we've seen some of his awkward attempts at a relationship at the same age.)

Overall, this brief scene that doesn’t seem to have plot significance has a lot to dig into: an approach to queer representation as a closeted teenager who was trying to date girls, playing with sexual humor from a fairly innocent standpoint, and even touches of the great furry debate. Maybe, if you want to see plot significance, Alex’s sexual compatibility with angels could foreshadow the fact that he’s half angel, or it could normalize casual sex among angels that could explain what Shila and Satan were doing procreating (and leaving the kid with mortals). Maybe?

#weird!phil analysis #mark of oxin analysis #tw threesome?

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the-yellow-brick-road · 4 years

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I’m a gaylor, but I just saw someone saying that taylor is “using the community again” and that “she is doing queerbating” and from now on will only stan “open lgbt artists” let me tell you something: if you think she is closeted you can’t say she is queerbating, she is writing about her experiences, we interpret them as being queer and we read the signs but she does not owe us any openly explanations, because she is closeted. You can’t expect closeted queer people to go around openly saying they are writing about gay experiences because that’s the meaning of being closeted = hiding (and I say that as a closeted bi woman).

You say you will now only support openly lgbt+ people, that’s your choice and you SHOULD support them, but stop supporting Taylor because she didn’t say betty is a queer song just proves you were never a true stan of her and work, you were just a fan of theories.

With that being said, YES, I do think she could’ve let Betty be open for both straight and queer interpretations, but the song was about to hit country radios, a highly homophobic place, and if she is closeted guess what SHE DOESN’T WANT TO COME OUT NOW. The fact that she recorded a explanation to go to the radios just to say that Betty is from a boy’s perspective just says that she is afraid of other interpretations of the song, specially among homophobes, because it has a bit of true in it.

And if she is afraid that’s because she has something to hide.

As a exemple I will talk about Jade Thirlwall from little mix, she is completely straight and she is a BIG advocate for lgbt rights, she was even a judge for RuPaul’s drag race, she did a special for mtv only with drag queens, she is constantly using rainbows and they even have a song that is openly known as a lgbt+ anthem (secret love song - if you want to search it) and this part of their shows is openly lgbt. She is not afraid to show her support like this and write openly queer songs because she has nothing to hide, she is a straight woman that fight for lgbt+ rights, she doesn’t have a big secret of her love life that needs to be kept private or people will destroy her relationship - unlike Taylor.

Yes, Taylor did YNTCD and it was full of rainbows and wore the bi flag colors, but is was a major thing, she could hide behind it, she could’ve said it was just to show support, but with folklore is more personal, it came from her mind and her heart about her personal experiences that opens the way for people to assume that she canonically queer without her being ready to say so.

Now, taking it for me as a closeted bi girl. My straights friends call other women pretty, but when I do it speaks so loudly for me that I think everybody will notice I like women - when I’m not ready to come out yet - just because I’m calling them pretty, when its actually a common thing to do. (just one simple exemple)

We tend to get defensive when we are hiding something, principally something this big.

#gaylor #gaylor swift

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migleefulmoments · 5 years

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I'm a psych major - i seriously believe that the CC fandom is a cult - the hate they send is cult like mentality, they have something seriously wrong with them. Like mentally. I wouldn't be surprised if one of them got arrested for harassment of C or D or their partners.

Come off anon and chat with me...there is a lot to unpack and I won’t do it publicly.

There is definite some mental health issues for in that fandom. I too keep wondering how far they will push it. If not them, will some follower of theirs do something stupid because they are emboldened by the rhetoric that the ccc leaders spew?

Whether the anons are real or the leaders of the ccc are sending anons to themselves-or it’s a combination of both- is unclear to me, what I do know is that the answers they are giving are consistently and purposefully misleading and often outright lies.

Two recent examples of their outrageous lies;

1. ANON::

“...have u seen naya say on the podcast that C was actually upset about santana's rant to kurt in that episode... because it was so real? it really makes u think that there was for sure one writer thay really did have it out for chris...

ajw720 answered:

That rant was 100% directed at C and it was divined by RM. He is raging with jealousy towards C, he has everything, looks, talent, creativity, and D. And things completely feel apart when RM realized C was genuine competition. You realize Blainofsky was punishment to CC for acting out that past summer? He literally broke up the fan favorite couple on the show during the last season for revenge. And he despises C in particular. And that rant was not aimed at K/urt. It was aimed at C. And I am glad N/aya commented on it, I can’t imagine how she felt being used on that manner.

FACT CHECK:

Had she spent 2 minutes Googling this she would have realized that fact Brad Falchuk-not Ryan Murphy- wrote Jagged Little Tapestry thus invalidating her entire theory.

Everything she said about Ryan Murphy in this paragraph is simply her fantasy. Ryan is a very successful and powerful Hollywood writer, producer, and director. He is also gay and married with young children and Is a powerful LGBQT advocate. His youngest son waged a 2-year battle with Neuroblastoma from 2016-2018. Neuroblastoma is a vicious form of childhood cancer that requires intense treatment. I used to be an pediatric oncology/bone marrow transplant nurse and this cancer and treatment is no joke.

Ryan Murphy is very creative- he created and wrote episodes of Glee, 911, and Nip/Tuck, AHS, ACS, and the upcoming The Politician. Check out his IMDB (X).

He has won numerous awards and nurtured a lot of queer content including Pose which hired both LGBTQ actors and staff making it highly unlikely that he would closet a gay actor.

She suggested Ryan is jealous of Chris because of his “looks” and his relationship with Darren. There is nothing to suggest that Ryan is unhappy in his married, his attracted to much younger or is attracted to Chris and/ Darren. Ryan called his husband, “His rock” in 2018 when talking about their son’s illness.

Abby ignores Ryan’s real life story, instead because it doesn’t fit her fanfiction character profile she created for Ryan.

2. ANON:

“....is it a known fact to the whole fandom that f/etusm/iarren is M/ia ?” (X)

chrisdarebashfulsmiles answered:

Hi, you know, i think (my opinion) that m/iarrens are ignoring purposely this fact. Like.. they have seen everything happening or showed here and decided to say “hey, you know? i don’t care”. Like they do with everything that is not part of the “D is straight” tale.

Let’s say that most of us have an idea about who the minions are (if they exists and i think i can tell you that maybe one is a real person)… but it’s irrelevant.

The account still exists because, and believe me i don’t know how this is possible, the stans who follow that account are more “m/ia stans” (the ones that bother us on our blogs and in blogs dedicated to hate and mock us) than “D stans. Let me tell you one thing: i speak with a good bunch of “m/iarren” that are D stans and we are on the same page, we worry for D. No talk of bullshit with them. Most of them understood that something wasn’t ok and they left their fandom, without becoming part of the cc one. Others are still here but more subtle and still respectful.

And I see why: because they want to understand what is wrong.

Anyway: D’s team gives her stuff, and this is one of the problem.

FACT CHECK:

In truth, there are very few “Mia stans” and a lot of “Darren stans”. The CCCers refuse to listen to what their anons actually say. Instead they pigeon-hole people into categories based on their own needs and they need us to be unreasonable and obsessed with Mia rather than Darren for their self-righteous antics to work.

Nobody that I am aware of is purposefully ignoring credible evidence that Darren is gay. None of us are looking at the “evidence “ and saying “hey, we don’t care”. The fact is that very few people care if Darren is gay or straight and the “evidence” is nonsense. I have yet to year one thing that sounds credible. Anyone else?

I did a very rudimentary look her claim that “The account still exists because, and believe me i don’t know how this is possible, the stans who follow that account are more “m/ia stans” than “D Stans”. I sampled 280 Fetu/sMiarr/en followers:

The vast majority were private accounts aka we cannot say why they are interested in the account.

4 or 0.1% called themselves Mi/arrens

10 or 3.5% listed Kl/aine or Gle/e in their profile

15 or 5.3% listen Darre/n or posted photos of him alone

1 or 0.03% was a Guns ‘N Hoses page DING DING DING we found the Mia Stan.

Darren’s team gives her stuff? What exactly would Darren’s team need to give her? She is his wife. She goes everywhere with him. they own a home and bar together.

Chrisdarebashfulsmiles had a rare moment of honestly when she said “Believe me I don’t know how this is possible”. The truth is. it isn’t possible. it’s all made up.

Abby stuck her nose in to the conversation with this wisdom:

ajw720

And a lot of the stans who refuse to accept it, need M because she is the only thing that makes d straight. And they know as soon as they start to question, they have to face reality

Um, no Abs, Mia is not the only thing that makes Darren straight.

Darren is straight because he is a man who is sexually attracted to women....the very definition of “straight”.

Darren has identified as straight for 9 years.

Your confusion around his sexual orientation is simply your refusal to respect his word because you believe you know more than he does about his own feelings-however that isn’t a valid argument.

His marriage to Mia is a personal decision to build a life with the woman he loves and has been in a relationship with for 9 years or so.

Let’s look at Darren’s own words over the years:

2011 'Glee' Star Darren Criss Comes Out—As A Straight Guy!(X)

"I think it's more empowering to everybody, including myself, if I'm articulate about identifying myself as a straight male playing a gay character," the actor says in the Hollywood issue of Out magazine. "Ultimately, that's more powerful for both communities."

When Criss first got the role of Blaine, he admits that he wanted to deflect questions about his sexual orientation, giving reporters answers like, "It doesn't matter if I'm gay or straight." But he decided that it was better if he was just honest and straightforward. Besides, he explains, he owes a huge part of his identity to gay role models.

2011 “Glee Star Darren Criss Dishes on Kissing Lea Michele & Losing Out To Cory Monteith (X)

I’ve been pretty overt about the fact that I am straight,” Darren told Billy and Kit. “I think it’s an important thing to be explicit about — not for my own sexuality, but just as a general statement that I am comfortable with my sexuality and very comfortable with the fact that I’m playing a strong gay character.”

2013 Cosmo Guy” Darren Criss On Glee’s New Chapter (X)

Q: You're not gay; you just play gay on TV. Do you ever feel the need to assert your heterosexuality?

A: No. I know who I am. I feel bad for guys who have to flex their muscles. But hey, if that's the way to make yourself feel comfortable as a man—as long as it isn't antagonizing anybody—go for it. I'm okay with your getting a Miata to feel like a dude; just don't be a dick about it.

Darren Criss Will No Longer Play Gay Characters (X)

Darren Criss has decided that he will no longer play gay characters. Why? Because he doesn’t want to be a straight actor taking potential roles from actors who actually identify as gay, he said in a recent interview with Bustle.

“There are certain [queer] roles that I’ll see that are just wonderful,” he explained. “But I want to make sure I won’t be another straight boy taking a gay man’s role.”

2018 Darren Criss on Playing Serial Killer Andrew Cunanan in ACS: Versace and Passing as White (X)

You’ve also played a lot of gay and queer characters. Has playing these parts informed how you think about your sexuality or gender? That’s a great question. God, we need like an hour. Sure, yes. Absolutely. It definitely has. I think being queer in general evokes more self-questioning than somebody who’s cisgender straight, because you really have to explore a lot of things about yourself that are meeting resistance on conventional social levels. So you have to go, “Okay, cool. Is this really how I feel?” There are questions that arise within yourself that doesn’t have to happen if you live in a hetero-normative universe. So in that sense, I think the journey of questioning oneself, which everybody does anyway — and should do— I admire that narrative. Even though I am not gay myself, or queer, I am a storyteller, and I love and appreciate the strength of character it takes for someone to get through that, whether it was difficult or not. I’ve been very blessed in my career with being allowed in the gay community. Again, as a cisgendered straight dude, that’s not lost on me. I don’t take that for granted. It’s been such a huge part of my life, even pre-Glee. I come from San Francisco doing theater, man. Like, I was raised by gay men. Not literally at home, but you know, as a young kid doing theater, my friends were these men and women in their 20s, driving me home and getting me dinner. These were my adult figures in my life, so unconsciously I’ve always had such affection for the life, whatever that means. So I guess inhabiting a gay voice is important to me because it’s a voice that I find inspiring.

These are just two of the many lies the cc fandom tell their followers in order to manipulate them into believing the fantasies that means much to them.

#cc #ccer #ccers #cc family #cc blog #ccc #CrissColfer Cult #cc fandom #crisscolfer #darren criss #mia swier #Ryan Murphy #Darren is straight

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thepropertylovers · 6 years

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Feature Friday with Benjamin Katz

Happy Friday! On this week’s Feature Friday, Benjamin talks about what it was like growing up in a very orthodox Jewish community. He discusses how he felt constantly having to hide his sexuality, what he would say to those who believe homosexuality is a sin, and how free he feels today now that he can finally be his true self. His words really moved us, and we found ourselves inspired multiple times while getting to know him, taking in every word. We wanted more! Maybe he should write a book? Take a look below to see what we mean and to learn about Benjamin’s story…

Where are you from? I am from Long Island, New York.

Where do you live? I still currently live on Long Island but attend college in Pennsylvania.

Instagram handle? My Instagram handle is benj_katz

Age: I am 19 years old.

On traveling to South Africa: Traveling is one of my favorite things to do. I must say that South Africa was probably the coolest place I’ve ever been to so far. While the flight is not easy, it was definitely worth it. Aside from the safari that I went on, which was so incredibly special, Cape Town was a different experience in of itself. The beach is breathtaking, the food is delicious, and the people are so kind. My experience in South Africa was everything that a vacation should be. I highly recommend making it out there if you can!

On growing up in an orthodox Jewish community: Before I begin to explain my experience growing up in a modern orthodox Jewish community, it is important for me to disclose that my experience is not indicative of Judaism as a whole. Like all religions, there are sects that follow a very rigid, conservative, set of values. The community I grew up in was exactly that. On that note, growing up in my community was similar to seeing how long you can hold your breath for. Sure, there were aspects that were nice. Every weekend was Shabbat, and the whole family gathered around the table for dinner. We would walk to temple for services, at which my friends and I would run around and play handball, or something to that extent. However, the atmosphere was heavy, and saturated with ignorance. From a very young age I was told to pray from the Siddur (which means bible in Hebrew), how to act, be dressed, and speak. There was little to no room for individuality. Observance of all Jewish holidays and events were a must. If you did not observe, you were looked down upon. If there was any facet of your life that was seen as ‘too secular’ then you were shunned, gossiped about, and the entire town would not let you live it down. So, while the community I grew up in did have positive aspects, the overarching notion was that of unacceptance. You had to conform.

“…growing up in my community was similar to seeing how long you can hold your breath for.”

On going to a Jewish school: Gosh, to this day I don’t know why I chose that. My parents even encouraged me to transfer to a public school after we left my town, but I insisted that I stay. I like to look at things in two different perspectives. On one hand I do think that attending my modern orthodox private school instilled important values, secular and religious. However, on the other hand, I do strongly believe I was continually pushed to conform. I know of only three people, in my school’s entire history, that came out as queer. The first one was openly bullied, and almost kicked out of the school because of it. He was about 6 years before my time at my school. The second person was only a year ahead of me, and he came out just before his senior graduation. He was able to get out quick enough, as to not suffer any consequences. Then, the third person was a girl a year behind me. She came out and added her own individuality to her forced conformity. It was amazing. I was so inspired by her. However, on the other side of things, people I used to call my friends, bashed them. Just for being themselves. It was a constant battle in my school. Kids just did not mind their own business. It was such a different way of life back then. There is one situation in particular that sticks out to me when recounting my experience as a closeted queer man in my high school. There was an app called Whisper. I don’t know if it is still popular. However, it was in my school for a point in time. One kid I was friends with, who was also queer, used it to ask how he should come out to his best friend. For those who don’t know, Whisper allows people to anonymously post questions to your high school page. He told me, and showed me proof, not that I needed to see any, that people were blowing up his phone asking who he was. They were dying to know just who this queer kid could be. Long story short, they found out. One of them posed as another queer closeted guy and found out who he was. They then outed him to the entire school and he was the new talking point for everyone. That didn’t stop until the summer came. It was the winter when this happened. This kind of ridicule swept the school like a plague, and every time I heard about it, my heart sank, worrying that I could be next.

On his religious beliefs today: I am not religious anymore. I grew up in a modern orthodox household, but around middle school I stopped observing modern orthodoxy along with my immediate family. Since then, I’ve been more traditional. The appropriate term for my level of observance is known as conservative Judaism.

On people who say homosexuality is a sin: I’ve experienced this kind of rhetoric many times, both inside and outside of the classroom. At first, I was never sure how to approach it, and that partially was because a part of me believed it was a sin. I always used to think I was broken somehow. However, I’ve grown since then, and to anybody who says that being myself is a sin, well, I feel sorry for them. In the moment I would question them. Maybe it’s because of their upbringing, which because of what I witnessed firsthand, I can’t blame, but I definitely would not pursue a conversation with somebody who can’t accept people different from themselves. If there is one thing I’ve learned from my time dealing with religious individuals, who are stubborn in their beliefs, it is to pick your battles, because you definitely cannot win them all.

On coming out: I came out a year ago, so 18 years old. Until I arrived on my college campus, I had believed that no matter where I went, I would not be accepted. It wasn’t even until a few months into my college career that I realized being queer, being myself, was okay, and treated normally, at least on my college campus. My best friend had known about me since high school, I couldn’t keep myself from telling him. However, when I arrived at college, I made some incredible friends. I was in an environment unlike my high school. There was genuine acceptance. It’s quite funny actually. At first, I couldn’t believe it, I was in denial. My good friend kept telling me, “dude no one cares here, seriously.” No matter how many times I heard that from him, I could not accept it. I was stuck in the mentality that everyone was out to get me. Coming out was known to be social suicide at my last school. Why would this one be any different? I came to realize that my friend was right. I needed to be myself, and the more I thought about staying closeted, the more it started to chip away at my well-being. So, I took that incredibly anxiety riddled step of not caring. I say it like this because I did not come out in the way most people do. I didn’t post about it on social media, nor did I tell the world. I just simply let go. I stopped caring, and when/if people asked me about my sexual orientation, I stopped lying. I stopped giving excuses for why I was texting a boy I thought was cute. I stopped killing myself over if I was ‘straight enough’ or not. I just let it all go. To my surprise, it went extremely well. Of course, there were a few instances of push back, but nothing major. I was genuinely surprised at how well my friends and family took it. The most common response I got was “okay that’s cool.” Since then, I have been the happiest I’ve ever been.

“I learned a lot about myself, and part of me thinks that’s because until I came out, I didn’t really know who I was in the first place. My life revolved around making sure my secret didn’t get out. However, after I was out, my life became about me.”

On making his life about him: I learned a lot about myself, and part of me thinks that’s because until I came out, I didn’t really know who I was in the first place. My life revolved around making sure my secret didn’t get out. However, after I was out, my life became about me. Which felt completely unnatural, but because I was finally living in my own skin, and not the façade I had put up, I learned so much about myself. I obtained a newfound passion for the outdoors. I’m currently the Vice President of the outdoors club at my college and attend all kinds of weekly trips. There’s just something about that breath of fresh air that gets me, whether it be down rapids, or on the peak of a valley, I can’t get enough. I also found myself smiling more. I know this sounds so cliché, but finally being able to walk around in your own skin does something miraculous to the soul. I was in a constant state of worry, looking over my shoulder, and all of sudden I wasn’t. It takes courage to be yourself, and that was something I also learned about myself. I was never brave as a kid. I grew up being the cautious one, the one who never wanted to go out on an adventure, but now, I crave adventure. I started to seek out those adventures, those new friends, the unknown. Coming out feels a lot more rewarding then most people think.

On his advice to those struggling to come out: My biggest piece of advice is that your story is for you and you only. It is your information to share and should be on your own grounds and no one else’s. Never let anyone strip you of your identity. Don’t let anyone else tell you who you are, or that your undeserving in any shape or form. No matter what you’re going through, always know that there are other people who have been there, and we are with you every step of the way!

On his unfinished bucket list: I love the water and beaches, I could lay out on one all day. With that being said, I’ve always wanted to go to Catalina Island off the coast of California.

On his biggest inspiration: I honestly don’t have one particular person that I look up to as an inspiration. There are so many strong and brave people that I am inspired by. I am inspired by all the fearless souls who stand up for what is right. Every single day I aspire to be like them.

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hillvalleyfilmsociety · 6 years

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I saw three movies in the last week. They were pretty different to each other, but I quite enjoyed all of them, so I'm resurrecting my film blog to write reviews of them. To 2018, and resolutions to write more!

Call Me By Your Name (2017) Dir: Luca Guadagnino

I was very interested in this pre-release, even though I had never read the book. Luca Guadagnino caught my eye with 2015's A Bigger Splash, which is stylistically very familiar to CMBYN, and which I really enjoyed. Guadagnino shines in the aesthetic of his films, in the beautiful scenery and silences between sparse dialogue. Both create a languid, sumptuous mood - wealth and privilege on show, yet somehow not ostentatious to the viewer.

But where this mood creates distance and miscommunication between the characters of ABS, it brings the characters of CMBYN closer, creates warmth between them, bringing the viewer into Elio's extended family as easily as they welcome Oliver. The film is set over a summer in Northern Italy in 1983, and Guadagino skillfully captures the feeling of a slow, lazy summer pre-internet, where all there is for the teenaged main character, Elio (Timothée Chalamet), to do is lie around the pool swimming or reading, long family meals, piano practice or biking into town.

Before I go any further, I have to discuss the opening credits, which go on for at least ten minutes and effortlessly set the tone for the casual opulence of the world of the film. Gentle, upbeat classical music plays over photos of classical sculptures - something that Elio's academic father and the grad student who he invites to work with him over the summer seem to be working in the field of - while the credits are written in a messy but elegant script, in a warm yellow shade. All of this somehow worked to already create the mood that pervades the rest of the film - casual wealth and intelligence, warmth and inclusion - before you even meet the Perlmans, and the beautiful villa they spend holidays in.

Some viewers might dislike watching films with wealthy people languishing in villas on holidays, but in the way that Guadagnino presents it, it's enchanting. I loved the feeling of seeing the easy, comfortable way the Perlmans (Elio's family) live on holiday, with their freshly made apricot juice and their family meals in a shaded grove. As I mentioned earlier, it creates a very welcoming vibe that helps you understand the mindset of the newcomer to this idyll, grad student Oliver (Armie Hammer).

The movie is really Chalamet's, and more on him below, but Hammer does quite well in a less showy role as Oliver - who has been invited to spend six weeks at an Italian villa working with an academic he seems to not have personally met before arriving. A great honour, clearly, but it's also awkward, and Hammer plays this slight dissonance well - he's a non-European American (like the rest of the Perlmans) which is both exciting and awkward to the gathered family and friends of the Perlman. Hammer's Oliver is a lot of contrasts, both interested and scared/offended by Elio, both very confident towards him and very hesitant, both cool and dorky. Armie Hammer's being doing a few lower budget indie, and more off the wall projects since the Lone Ranger debacle didn't launch him into the leading man blockbuster stratosphere, and personally, I think he's much better in these than attempting to be another leading man type. (And for that matter, I am genuinely annoyed both he and Michael Stuhlbarg were passed over for Oscar noms, so they could give two to Three Billboards. It's not like Hammer would have got it, but I think he certainly deserved the nomination.)

As I said though, Chalamet is the standout - it's his story and he does a lot with it. His Elio is very reminiscent of the frustrating uncomfortableness of being a teenager - he's awkward, moody, bitter, cheeky, afraid, delicate and above all, real. What was beautiful about this film is how much everyone loves Elio - he's not always kind and good, but he is also a teenage boy - but his sexuality doesn't shut him off from other people. It's not an isolationist story, like a lot of queer film narratives are. While I can understand the urge to show that side of things, it's incredibly gratifying to see a film about a queer boy in the eighties, where if everyone doesn't know for certain they probably are aware of it in some respect, and they don't seem to care. They just love him, and Chalamet plays Elio's connections with everyone (not just Oliver) beautifully. He certainly deserves his Oscar nomination, even though he's not the favourite to win. He's also in the Oscar nominated Lady Bird, and my feeling is that (hot take alert) he's gonna be big.

Further from this, I love how tactile the characters in this film are. Elio is very cuddly and childlike sometimes with his parents, who are very affectionate to him - and no one tells him "a seventeen year old boy shouldn't do that" which is a blessing. He's very affectionate with the girls he's friends with. His later dynamic with Oliver - once they've admitted to feeling something for each other - is very affectionate too, kind of awkward but in a sweet way. Not all their encounters are just these highly eroticised moments (which is not to say that none of them are). This makes their burgeoning relationship very real, like a seventeen year old boy fumbling his way toward a relationship that will always be meaningful, a first love more than just lust. Not that his dynamic with his sort-of girlfriend Marzia is unloving, just different, but no less sweet in its newness to the both of them.

On that note, I'm sure some people will say that there was a “lack of explicit sex scenes” in this movie. To that, I say PAH. It’s not like this movie is sanitised and sexless (hello, peach scene. yep.) It’s quite erotic in parts, quite good at conveying Elio's attraction to Oliver, and vice versa. But it feels like (unlike hetero love stories) that queer media is often all or nothing: either completely sexless, even affectionless even in a good relationship (Mitch and Cam on Modern Family didn’t even kiss on screen till like mid season two or three) or incredibly sexualised, and featuring intense sex scenes. This movie walks the rare line between the two - very affectionate (in private, natch) but allowing them the dignity of not being watched - as they always are, even by relatively benign eyes around them - in the moment of consummation. (For more on this - Jason Adams' delicate and moving review, Call Me With Kindness) It’s not even as though there are no on-screen sex acts in the film, either, so I'll say that I think it was a good, well-done balance.

If I had any slight problem with the narrative, it was that I found it hard to understand the progression of Elio and Oliver's relationship pre the mutual reveal of feelings - but that seemed to be a stylistic choice, and ABS was much the same, where the characters barely verbally communicated for a lot of the beginning arc of the film. It could be deliberately unclear- neither of them really know what the other thinks of them until they admit things together, while they're alone for once. Either way, it didn't much mar my enjoyment of their story which is emotional and complex but also very sweet.

The last thing I have to talk about is Michael Stuhlbarg, who is rapidly becoming one of my favourite actors (and who again, I am furious has not picked up any Oscar nominations for any of the great work he did in 2017). He was in two thirds of the films I saw recently, and he managed to be very moving in two small-ish roles. The scene where he tells Elio not to mock his friend and his male partner, that if he can be as knowledgeable as him and as good he'll be "a credit to him". Elio's father is a good man, and you can tell from this moment he doesn't care who Elio loves as long as he doesn't grow up boorish and ignorant. In fact, as much as the love story is engaging, my favourite scene of the file is when Elio and his father discuss Oliver after he has left. It was incredibly affecting to me - Elio's father doesn't come out and say he knew for certain about them, but refers to their "friendship" in the kindest, most respectful way, possibly even hinting about his own sexuality - not necessarily that he's closeted, but that he may have had an Oliver in his past he was too afraid to have anything happen with. Stuhlbarg is just so good, so affecting and plays really well off Chalamét, who allows Elio just the right amount of vulnerability and emotion.

Not to mention, Sufjan Stevens' two gorgeous original songs for the film, but I'll close this out by saying that there's a certain kind of idea about the kind of queer romance film that gets the Academy's attention - that it has to be sad, that the characters have to suffer and end up unhappy, and everyone can discuss how tragic it was. That sort of story is fine, because yes historically many LGBT people couldn't be open or take chances, and many did suffer. But that's not the only LGBT narrative to be told, even when set decades ago - and I'm thrilled to see films like 2016's Carol, 2017's Best Picture Winner Moonlight, and CMBYN tell a new kind of queer narrative where the characters are allowed to be happy even in an oppressive time, where the characters can break up and be miserable because of that (and not because of illness or bigoted violence), where the focus is just the love story. It gives me hope for the generation of younger LGBT viewers to see themselves outside of misery narratives.

4/5 stars

#call me by your name #cmbyn #luca guadagnino #timotheé chalamet #armie hammer #michael stuhlbarg #film review #oscars 2018

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itsalasallianlifeforme · 6 years

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The Pain and Beauty Within My Community, and Why I Love and Hate Sharing It.

At my service site, we do an array of activities during our time with students while they’re here on retreats. One of the activities that we do is something called “The Night Walk.” Unlike many of our activities, we don’t really do too much preparation with them or tell them about the activity beforehand. We just tell them that we are going to take them to a different part of the city and that it is going to look very different from the other parts of Chicago that they have already visited on the south and or west side. We ask them to observe what is around them and to keep a few questions in mind as we do a walking meditation.

What would you do if:

You didn’t have anywhere to go/sleep for the evening?

You didn’t have anything to do?

You didn’t have any money to spend?

And to observe their surroundings to look for signs of who may or may not be welcome in the areas we enter on the Night Walk.

We start off at a very swanky, nice looking part of the city next to Wrigley Stadium. It’s got far too many bars and stores for people to wander in and out of, to celebrate a win or drink away a loss after a Cubs game. Throughout the walk, I point out different things that help them delve into the questions that we asked them to consider. For example on one bar, there is a dress code that prohibits people from wearing many things if they want to enter such as: Du rags, “excessively” baggy clothing, work boots, “gang attire”, matching colors, shorts that are no longer than one inch past the knee, camouflage, Hawaiian designs, tie dye, overalls, cargo pants of an “odd color”, shirts with skull designs on them, dirty clothes, ripped clothes, frayed clothes etc… clearly many people are not welcome in this establishment. Carefully read over the list again, I’ll let you sit with that and think about who they are not welcoming on your own. You’re smart, I’m sure you’ll come to the correct conclusion and your answer may be different than mine, but I think we will both agree that it is not pretty. It really astounds me that people have the balls to exclude people in such a way, and to do it through the guise of a dress code. I wouldn’t give this bar my money if they were the last place in Chicago that had McKenzie's Black Cherry Cider, which is always my drink of choice.

Anyway… after this bar, we continue to walk to head into Boystown, an area that is highly populated by members of the LGBTQ+ community. Boystown has many centers/organizations and ministries that offer services that are more frequently needed by the queer community. This includes anything from stores that sell rainbow flags to health centers and small mini rainbow statues that have names of figures who have had an active part in advancing LGBTQ+ rights.

I first took this walk with staff and I found that this area was very special to me. This was where a lot of my LGBTQ+ community members lived, and I’ve felt pretty separated from that community since I’ve moved here. It’s about an hour away from where I live now and I plan to go there more often but it’s not somewhere I can go to regularly.

I relish the opportunity to bring students here. As to be expected, there are groups who were not as appreciative of its existence and what it offers and groups that are. Sometimes (in groups who do appreciate it) as students look around and say how wonderful Boystown is, I see a flash of pain and yearning because they don’t have a space like this in their communities. In that moment that I see, the all of that emotion run rampant in their eyes and I sympathize with it all. I was them at some point. I remember all of the ways in which I as a person who had a supportive mother, did my best to be a micro version of this space for my friends who didn’t have that. I did that with the hope of being that space for someone who needed it, at a point in their life where I didn’t have it. I remember what that loneliness felt like, how I felt as one of the 5 people who were out of the closet in the many high schools I attended and unwanted in those spaces. The pain from that is easily recognizable by others who have experienced it, it’s like a marking that appears and disappears on your face. When I see it, I go back to high school when my mom and I had to provide a safe haven for a friend who had been kicked out of their home after their parents found out they were gay. All of the fear of what was going to happen when they had to face that family member again, the uncertainty that sat like a rock in my stomach as I thought about whether or not they would have a safe place to sleep later that night. I remember how helpless I felt as the principal of our school had asked what happened. I remember the anger I felt, that my mom, myself, (and I’m sure) my friend, and the principal (who was also part of the LGBTQ+ community) seemed to be the only people who really cared because we understood that gravity of the situation. I think back to the anger that I felt when I found out that my friend’s mother had called the principle to try and separate us, and switch me out of classes that we had together because I had helped them. I still feel the despair when I think about the fact that someone felt it necessary to do that because they didn’t understand something, and wanted to go out of their way to sever what help someone needed in that situation. Rehashing all of that trauma is something that I hope is worth it as we walk through Boystown. To me, the all too familiar vulnerability I feel whenever we take students there is worth the strength and broadened perspective I hope to give them as we walk. All of the trauma I’ve experienced as an LGBTQ+ community member is secondary to a greater purpose -their learning- for the hour that we walk together.

Once we’re back at the center, we later try and point out and talk about systemic issues that cause the need for centers and places that provide specific services for marginalized communities like the LGBTQ+ community. And to answer the questions we had prompted to them before the walk started. Places that are very unwelcoming to others touch elbows with places like Boystown. Boystown and other neighborhoods are special and necessary.They offer places to go when you have nowhere to go, or nowhere to sleep at night. They offer things to do when you don’t have any money to spend. They make you feel welcome and part of the community when you may not feel that you are, elsewhere. It’s not just gay bars. We also point out the fact that LGBTQ+ youth make up a large portion of youth who experience homelessness, and why that is the case is also something we get to talk about later. It often takes every fiber of my being not to just blurt all of the information out, because they need to take some steps to figure somethings out on their own. Sometimes I worry about what will happen when I am with a group that will be very unsympathetic during a Night Walk. I haven’t experienced a group like that before, but my co-workers have. There is a lot of trauma that can come with being part of any marginalized community, and if there’s one thing that really pisses me off it’s when people are dismissive of that.

There is one spot at the end of the walk that we always stop at that moves me (and sometimes other students) a little more than the others, and that is the Center on Halstead. It’s a strange moment of hope and despair sometimes. I’ve found that it’s literally one of the most painful things I have seen and experienced in reference to my service.

This building and its history is an interesting one, it’s beautiful, inspiring and heartbreaking. At the moment, this building is yet another center in Boystown that offers various services to those who seek them within the LGBTQ+ community. Part of the Center on Halstead is a retirement home. However, it was not always a retirement home or a safe place for people in the queer community to go. It used to be a police station. People who currently live there remember being in the gay bars that are just a few blocks from this building, and being arrested or booked in that very building after police would raid the bars. They live in the same space, in a community that now widely accepts them where they once felt pain and betrayal. If that isn’t the most disheartening, inspiring and amazing things that I’ve ever seen and heard…I don’t know what is. That building (for me) is a great source of pain and beauty due to the struggles people went through in the past and where they and the community stand now. It’s a landmark of progress for my community. For those of you who are not familiar with me on a personal level, LGBTQ+ rights are something that is very important to me. Through my service and future work, I hope to help further LGBTQ+ rights for our community so the future members of the community won’t have to experience something like this again.

If you’re ever in Chicago and want to see Boystown I highly suggest it. And if you have a town that is inclusive of marginalized communities like the LGBTQ+ communities, minorities etc, I would ask that you support them and their work. Places like Boystown are more than just a place for some good nightlife. It’s a place that understands the needs of their community, and a place that recognizes their struggles and does their best to provide help for those issues when it can’t be found as easily or at all in society.

Despite how much I really love doing Night Walks with students, something I am really sitting with is the fact that we are going through this community (and others) to help students on retreat gain a better understanding of a number of things… while somewhat exploiting the life of others without or with their knowledge. We do our best to split the groups up so that way it doesn’t seem that obvious that, that is what we are doing. However, the question wages in my head… is the possible exploitation of people that live in these communities a necessary insensitivity to help spread awareness for others within the LGBTQ+ communities when the students take this experience and knowledge home with them?

Many of the groups that come are unaware or not as aware of the complexities or existence of the social justice issues that we talk about. I personally would rather someone see and ask, rather than assume wrong information but I can’t speak on behalf of others. That observation of respite from the vulnerability oppression creates, is something that I feel conflicted about showing, despite the intentions of the activity. So really it boils down to, intentions versus impact on the communities we walk through, and the students entrusted to our care for the time being. Sometimes, more often than not, it takes time to get to a respite from that vulnerability. In a few ways, I feel like I may be violating that by bringing groups there. But then again, is any marginalized community and the people who are part of it ever free from that vulnerability? Perhaps we don’t escape it, but just learn how to grow around it or take steps farther away from it to truly live as we are. In Boystown, and other marginalized communities there is undeniable beauty, community, acceptance, and love- but there’s also undeniable pain and hardships…who in the hell am I to reveal that? Am I doing this as a retreat facilitator who wants people to broaden their perspective? Am I doing this as a member of the LGBTQ+ community who wants people to sympathize and understand the struggles of our community?

Any thoughts? What do you think?

#LGBTQ #LGBTQ+#Long Term Service #chicago #Catholic social teaching #boystown #community #social justice #blog

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wiremagazine · 5 years

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SPOTLIGHT FILMS: 22 OF THE BEST FILMS AT THE 2019 OUTSHINE FILM FESTIVAL FORT LAUDERDALE EDITION

Photos and film synopses provided by OUTshine Film Festival

ADAM (U.S., 2019) Director: Rhys Ernst In English

It's 2006 and awkward, self-conscious Adam Freeman has just finished his junior year of high school. His cool older sister Casey (Margaret Qualley) suggests he visit her in New York for the summer. Casey has enthusiastically embraced life amidst Brooklyn's young LGBTQ+ community and invites Adam to tag along with her to queer bars, marriage equality rallies and other happenings. When Adam falls at first sight for Gillian, a smart, beautiful young woman in this new crowd, she mistakenly assumes he is trans. Flummoxed and enamored, he haplessly goes along with her assumption, resulting in an increasingly complex comedy – and tragedy – of errors he's ill-equipped to navigate.

AND THEN WE DANCED (Georgia, Sweden, France, 2019) Director: Levan Akin In Georgian, with English subtitles

Merab is a talented dancer. His burgeoning romance with stage partner Mary is thrown into disarray by the arrival of the magnetic Irakli, leading to a forbidden sexual attraction that recalls those in Moonlight and God's Own Country. Georgia is a country that only celebrated its first LGBTQ+ pride event seven years ago and its society remains conservative. Because of this, And Then We Danced has stirred controversy and many involved remain anonymous out of fear. Amid the potential for socially explosive fireworks, Swedish director of Georgian heritage Levan Akin has captured something uniquely tender and personal.

BENJAMIN (UK, 2019) Director: Simon Amstell In English

In Simon Amstell's affecting, bittersweet comedy, a rising young filmmaker is thrown into emotional turmoil by a burgeoning romance and the upcoming premiere of his second feature. It's perhaps no surprise that the imminent release of Benjamin's sophomore feature plunges him into an existential crisis. In this heightened state of insecurity, even meeting his potential dream match, young French musician Noah, doesn't soothe Benjamin's fears and self-loathing. And that's before he has to screen his film to the merciless film festival audiences. Benjamin is a low-key, intimate film, exposing the contradictions of a creative culture while perfectly balancing drama and comedy.

DEFIANT SOULS (Cuba, Switzerland, 2018) Director: Fernando Pérez and Laura Cazador In Spanish, with English subtitles

Defiant Souls is based on the true story of a woman who, disguised as a man, became the first female surgeon in Latin America. In the early 19th century, Swiss doctor Enrique Faber (Sylvie Testud at her best) travels to Cuba to search for his son, who is said to have been killed in a slave uprising. The local population is jealous of Faber's success as a surgeon and his marriage to Juana, an attractive outsider. Before long, rumors spread regarding his high-pitched voice and his gentle features, and a drama of epic proportions unfolds around one of the most scandalous cases in Cuban colonial history.

EVERYBODY CHANGES (Panama, 2019) Director: Arturo Montenegro In Spanish, with English subtitles

The Ponce Family is the perfect family. They live in the quiet, close-knit mountain town of Bambito, where everyone knows everyone and, unfortunately, everyone knows everyone's business. Frederico is the successful father, Carol the loving mother, and they have three wonderful boys. Despite appearances, perfect might not be the best way to describe the family as Frederico and Carol share a secret: Lizzie, the woman that Frederico has always wanted - no, needed - to be.

FROM ZERO TO I LOVE YOU (U.S., 2019) Director: Doug Spearman In English

Pete Logsdon is just a guy in Philadelphia whose fear of intimacy creates his history of getting involved with married men. His father and his soon-to-be step-mother are on him to settle down and find someone who's actually available. Instead, he finds a man named Jack who is fifteen years into a perfect marriage, has two beautiful children and an enviable wife, and is firmly inside the closet. Could this be the one? Featuring strong chemistry between the leads, director Doug Spearman (Noah's Arc) creates authentic characters in this highly engaging, obstacle-filled romantic comedy.

HAM: A MUSICAL MEMOIR (U.S., 2019) Director: Andrew Putschoegl In English

In this dazzlingly filmed live performance of Sam Harris' award-winning one-man musical, Harris belts out original songs and beloved ballads while playing 11 different roles to tell his own life story - from growing up gay in Oklahoma's Bible Belt to his escape for Los Angeles, where his rendition of "Over the Rainbow" on Star Search led to fame, Broadway, television, platinum records and Carnegie Hall. But after the highs and lows of a life in show business, Sam ultimately learns to ask: when is enough finally enough?

LEONARD SOLOWAY'S BROADWAY (U.S., 2019) Director: Jeff Wolk In English

Through verité documentary footage, humorous storytelling, interviews and archival film material, Leonard Soloway's Broadway captures a Broadway few ever see as told through the eyes of a legendary Broadway producer you've probably never heard of. He lives an unconventional life on his own terms and, over a 70-year span, staged over 100 shows (and counting) which generated history making headlines, over 40 Tony Awards, 62 Tony Nominations, 21 Drama Desk Awards, 29 Drama Desk nominations and 3 Pulitzer Prizes, in addition to launching the careers of famous stars known the world over.

SELL BY (U.S., 2019) Director: Mike Doyle In English

Does every relationship have an expiration date? Adam and Marklin are about to find out. Their 5-year relationship has gone from a passionate flame to a medium burn, forcing them to reconcile with each other's shortcomings all while watching their support network crumble around them. But in this mess, hope springs eternal as they all muddle their way through to try and make life work. Featuring Scott Evans, Augustus Prew, Kate Walsh, and Academy Award nominee Patricia Clarkson, Sell By asks the timeless questions… how do you know who's right for you and how do you know when to let go?

SONG LANG (Vietnam, 2018) Director: Leon Le In Vietnamese, with English subtitles

An unlikely bond develops between hunky, brooding and tough debt collector Dung and Linh Phung, a charismatic young opera singer from a struggling Cai-luong troupe (traditional Vietnamese opera). The two meet when Dung comes to forcefully collect a debt from the opera troupe, but when their paths cross again, a friendship – and then more – develops, awakening surprising, tender feelings in both men. Their story, too, soon scales operatic heights. Director Leon Le has delivered a rich drama, a smoldering relationship between two apparent opposites set against the backdrop of a gorgeous, fading art form. Set in 1980s Saigon, Song Lang is a gritty underworld noir hiding a tender, romantic heart.

STRAIGHT UP (U.S., 2019) Director: James Sweeney In English

The path to relationship bliss is often filled with self-doubt, second guessing and other methods of self-sabotage, but Todd takes this to a whole new level. After all, he is questioning his sexuality… not a good start when forging a new relationship. Todd might be gay. Rory might not care. The result is a neat, romantic-comedy drama with a twist; this is a love story without the thrill of copulation. With wit, humor and poignant moments, coupled with some of the best rapid-fire one-liners in a movie, Straight Up is a feature film about intellectual soul mates.

THE PRINCE (Chile, Argentina, Belgium, 2019) Director: Sebastián Muñoz In Spanish, with English subtitles

Chile, 1970. During a night of heavy drinking, Jaime, a lonely 20-year-old young man, stabs his best friend in what seems a crime of passion. Sentenced to prison, he meets The Stallion, an older and respected man in whom he finds protection and from whom he learns about love and loyalty. Behind bars, Jaime becomes known as The Prince. But as their relationship grows stronger, The Stallion faces the violent power struggles within the prison. The Prince is brutal, raw and cold, yet also beautiful, sincere and honest.

THE SHINY SHRIMPS (France, 2019) Director: Maxime Govare and Cédric Le Gallo In French, with English subtitles

Matthias, an Olympic swimming champion at the end of his career, makes a homophobic statement on TV. His punishment: coach the Shiny Shrimps, a very flamboyant, very bad and very LGBTQ water polo team. They have only one thing in mind: to qualify for the Gay Games in Croatia where the hottest international LGBTQ athletes will compete. It's the start of a bumpy and joyful ride. If the Bad News Bears were a water polo team, and LGBTQ, they would be The Shiny Shrimps. Faster, higher, stronger… and fabulous.

UNSETTLED: SEEKING REFUGE IN AMERICA (U.S., 2019) Director: Tom Shepard In English

A remarkable look at the untold stories of LGBTQ+ refugees and asylum seekers who have fled intense persecution from their home countries and who are resettling in the U.S. The film follows four new arrivals, each of whom have escaped potential peril in their native countries for being different. They've landed in the purported "gay mecca" of San Francisco, yet even there, building a new life in an adopted nation is a precarious undertaking. As new leadership in America continues to restrict immigrants and drastically cuts the flow of refugees and asylum seekers, Unsettled: Seeking Refuge in America humanizes a group about which few people know.

WHERE WE GO FROM HERE (U.S., 2018) Director: Anthony Meindl In English, French, with English subtitles

In Binghamton, an ESL teacher dealing with domestic abuse finds even greater violence at her school. In Orlando, two lovers drifting apart may be separated by the hate of another. In Paris, friends on an introspective night out are caught up in a brutal madness. Three acts of terror disrupt the lives of ordinary people. Will love win out over violence? With gripping performances and storylines all too familiar and frightening, Where We Go From Here is not an easy film to digest nor is it a question easily answered, but both are ultimately worth the effort.

MEN'S SHORTS

Black Hat Director: Sarah Smith, U.S., 15 minutes

Softer Director: Lovell Holder, U.S., 10 minutes

The Proposal Director: Gerlando Infuso, France, 15 minutes

Thrive Director: JamieDi Spirito, UK, 17 minutes

Touchscreen Director: Arthur Halpern, U.S., 15 minutes

Vacaciones Director: Juan Olivares, Spain, 21 minutes

Wonder Director: Javier Molina, U.S., 16 minutes

This was originally published in Wire Magazine Issue 20.2019

#wire magazine #wiremag.com #wire #miami #miami beach #south beach #sobe #fort lauderdale #wynwood #wilton manors #gay #lgbt #glbt #outshine film festival fort lauderdale #outshine #outshine film festival #spotlights #films

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allthebest20 · 3 years

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Special (2019-2021)

6.5/10 - I liked this show, the second season more so than the first. There were some funny moments, some moments that made me think. I hate the way he treats his mom, but I don't think it was unrealistic or even bad writing. I have to wonder, tho, is this an accurate portrayal of someone with CP?

Before I started writing this review, I wanted to read what people with CP though of it, so I went to Medium. One person - Grant, a straight (?), 30 year old man with CP - finds not just Special, the TV show, but Ryan O'Connell himself to be a detriment to the disabled community, which I think is pretty harsh. Ryan O'Connell is the writer, creator, and star of Special, a semi-autobiographical story. In real life, O'Connell also identifies as a gay man with mild CP. He also came out when he was 17 to supportive family. He was also hit by a car right before making a major life change and then lied to his new friends, claiming his limp was from the car accident. O'Connell was a blogger too, who eventually used that medium to come out of the disabled closet - be warned: his writing style is pretty annoying, but at least it's brief. However, the difference between the character - Ryan Hayes - and O'Connell is the timeline. O'Connell claims he lost his virginity at the age of 17. O'Connell was 20 when he was hit by a car, right before he moved to NYC. Unlike Hayes, he moved away from home at 18, to go to college, and got a job as a writer, starting at Thought Catalog, when he was 24. He lied about his disability for years, before going public with it at the age of 29. At that point, he was living in LA, writing for a popular tv show (Awkward), and soon after, he published his memoir, which Special is based on. Hayes, on the other hand, is 27 when the show starts, and he has never lived alone, never had a "real job," and never had sex. Grant, the writer I mentioned earlier, thinks this is partial representation: the media will only let a man with CP be a main character if the storyline demeans him, therefor ascertaining society's stereotypes of disabled people as weak and childish. Hayes, is, in many ways, childish. I wouldn't call him weak or stupid, but one has to wonder: what was such a highly functioning young man doing for so many years living, unemployed and single with his mother and apparently no friends? What was the character supposed to be doing all day? I've been partially unemployed for a year now and it's driving me crazy, but at least I'm having sex and living away from my parents.

O'Connell does say he struggled to get networks excited about the idea of a gay, disabled main character, so maybe he was forced to write the character as more childish than himself. Apparently, he only decided to be the actor who played Hayes because of budget constraints. I think it's also likely that he saved Hayes' firsts until he was 27 so he could fit them all into one neat season. Maybe Hayes had to be 27 so that 32 year old O'Connell could play him. I'm not sure. It seems like this would all be more realistic if Hayes was 24, just like O'Connell was when he got a job at Thought Catalog.

I found another article, by a gay man with CP, who wrote positively about the show, enjoying that O'Connell mentioned his insecurity around his surgery scars. He didn't have much else to say about the show, except that he hopes it gets better for Hayes, so this neither confirms or denies suspicions about the point of the delayed timeline. I don't want to invalidate anyone who had sex late in life, either, by saying that Ryan should have had sex before 27. I mean, it's hard to have sex when you live with your mom, right? I also know that being disabled -- getting and recovering from surgeries, doing physical therapy, going to doctors -- can feel like a full time job, leaving someone totally drained. However, there's really no allusions to that in the show, so, again, I'm not sure why he couldn't work like at all.

Hayes does begin to show some growth in season 2, but it's still so cringe-y to see the way he treats his mom, a hardworking nurse who has cared for him alone his whole life. She has sacrificed too much, worked too hard, for him to critique her. She stills tries to cater to his every need, although she does loose patience a few times. All their conflicts are eventually solved with a mutual "oh, we both fucked up, we could both grow from this" instead of Hayes actually reflecting on his mother's experience and taking some responsibility.

It was also great queer representation, and I loved the gay sex scenes. There was even one where Ryan tops for the first time and gets shit on his dick and freaks out, acting like kind of a jerk to his partner (Tanner -- who is kind of a dick as well, tbh). There's a scene where he hires a prostitute to help him lose his virginity, which I've heard of other late blooming disabled and neurodivergent people doing. In another scene, Ryan is fetishized for his disability. Although there are red flags, Ryan doesn't realize he's being fetishized until he's in bed with the man, and they end up having sex anyways. Afterwards, Ryan feels really dirty -- this scene made me cry, but I'll also cry at anything.

I'm glad to see the representation, even if it's not perfect, because it's much more interesting than the typical hetero normative crap TV. All in all, it's a good show, even though it can be very LA-blogger culture. Like is that really the way people talk? Couldn't be me. Still, I hope it gets another season, because I would watch it.

#tv #tv show #special #disability #queer #gay man #ryan o'connell #la #virginity #journalism #millenials #comedy #2019 #2021 #6/10 #6.5/10 #mother relationship

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marketingadvisorvietnam · 6 years

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LGBT parents create safe spaces to share painful stories

Marketing Advisor đã viết bài trên http://www.ticvietnam.vn/lgbt-parents-create-safe-spaces-to-share-painful-stories/

LGBT parents create safe spaces to share painful stories

There is a popular perception, justified to an extent, that parents and families are the main stumbling blocks for members of the LGBTQI community in terms of their coming out and finding acceptance in mainstream society.

An attempt to change this is being made by Vietnamese parents who’ve confronted their own demons in dealing with their children’s different sexual orientations.

At a public talk show last month, such parents shared some real life stories of LGBTQI+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, and intersex) people, highlighting social prejudices that affect all stakeholders.

One of the main organizers of the event was PFLAG, the first community of its kind in Vietnam. PFLAG stands for “Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays”.

It was not a crowded gathering, but the stories it elicited were overwhelmingly touching.

Mother Chau, a prominent figure in PFLAG community, who has a gay son, was the first to share the story of a lesbian she met at a restaurant she used to work.

PFLAG member Chau shares an LGBT case she helped with. Sititng next to her is another PFLAG member, Thang (left). Thang and Chau are both familiar parent faces in the LGBT community. Photo by Sen

Family honor and marriages of convenience

Because of her sexual orientation, the woman no longer lived with her family. The problem wasn’t her parents – it was her grandmother who would reprimand her harshly. The grandmother’s last words, just before she died, set the tone for the rest of this woman’s life: “She has to get a husband.”

To appease her relatives and maintain the “family honor,” the young woman returned home for a wedding with a paid groom, who was told of the situation. He was fully compensated for his participation in the face-saving marriage, but it did not stop him from getting drunk and raping his lesbian wife one day.

The rape not only traumatized the woman to the extent of requiring prolonged medication, it also made her pregnant. She gave birth to a “slow child” as a result of all the medicines she’d taken to deal with her mental trauma.

Chau was almost in tears as she narrated the story.

“This is a wake-up call for parents out there,” she said. A healthy woman gave up her way of life and true self to fulfill a death wish, with tragic results.

“Is this the price one must pay for family honor?” Chau asked all listeners.

“Because the pregnancy was helping the woman recover her mental health, abortion was not recommended. Now she is doing much better and is no longer heavily dependent on medication. Her child now goes to school,” Chau added.

The accidental father claimed that the contractual nature of their “marriage” meant he had no responsibility towards his victim and child. The family did not press charges.

It might have been love that motivated the family to coerce the woman into the accepted mold of gender norms, but that love was a recipe for disasters, Chau said.

“Now we see love resurrected with healing power in this story, as the rape victim and her child are now living in the caring, affectionate arms of a woman.”

No sex life

Mother Yen Ly, president of PFLAG Vietnam, shared another story of suffering and healing.

A man in his late 30s, a resident of the central Thanh Hoa Province where traditional prejudices against gay people still hold strong, was married and had a teenage daughter, but his life was hell.

The couple had no sex life because he was gay.

“Every night I would try to find work somewhere to do and only come back home when my wife is asleep. It was a glimpse of hell every time I crossed our bed,” he told Ly.

He finally decided to put everything on the table, literally, with a letter of confession to his wife. This is not something any heterosexual married woman expects to experience. She was heartbroken, and his parents were furious. Coming out of the closet created an immense distance between him and his family.

Following Ly’s advice, the man invited his parents to different workshops organized by PFLAG for parents of LGBT children. Gradually they came out of their hate and prejudice to welcome their son for who he was.

The man is now happily divorced and his daughter visits him frequently.

Unheard of

Huynh Minh Thao, aka Sas Ri, director of communications and services of ICS – the first LGBT rights organization in Vietnam, said “loveless marriages benefit neither our society nor the relationship.”

He reckoned that the root cause for this happening was Vietnamese parents’ fear that their LGBT children were destined to live a tough life without a life partner that could bear them children.

“Getting married, bearing offspring and being taken care of by them is the most favored normal way of living. The idea of LGBT individuals having a healthy, happy life outside of this model is unheard of, for a lot of parents,” Thao said.

Still a man’s world

A panel guest – a media expert who requested anonymity, said gender disparity was another problem that rears its ugly head in LGBT issues, and that the victim was not always the person with a different sexual orientation.

He shared the story of a highly respected teacher in a small city, who is also a government official in the local educational department.

Everything about the teacher’s life goes according to the book – a Vietnamese middle-aged man, secure career, dedicated wife and kids.

There is just one caveat: he likes men.

Unlike the previous story, this man has not bothered to keep his orientation from his immediate family. He has built a private room in his house where only he and his lovers are allowed. “The room is fully equipped and super romantic,” said the expert.

However, this does not mean his wife and children are free from living a lie because they cannot utter a word to anyone, given the status he has in society. For the same reason, divorce is out of the question.

Outwardly, the wife is going through the life of a normal, traditional Vietnamese woman – devoted to her husband, whose happiness comes before hers. But her real life suffering has no outlet.

In this case, it was the straight spouse, the wife and a mother, who has been victimized and needed help, the guest noted.

Teddy, a guest advises others on coming out successfully. Sitting next to him is his mother, Dinh Thi Yen Ly, president of PFLAG. It took Ly five years to accept her son’s sexual identity and mend their relationship. Sitting across them are another mother-LGBT son pair who’ve also been through their own journey towards understanding one another. Photo by Sen

A strategic coming out

One of the most asked questions in the LGBT community is: “How do I come out safely?”

And it was raised again at the event.

Teddy, a university lecturer at the Ho Chi Minh University of Technology, recommended a strategic approach.

He said: “You need to calculate all the risks. If you want your parents to understand you, make sure you are also willing to understand them.

ICS director Thao elaborated on this. She said there was no blanket solution that fits every family, but the some steps can be useful.

“First of all, know thyself. LGBT members need to know who they are, what they need, and essentially equip themselves with relevant LGBT knowledge.

“The second step involves finding an ally in the family, who has an open and receptive mind. Last, but not the least, team up with that person to find other family members who can sympathize with your situation.”

Thao advised: “Every family is different, but having an ally means you will be protected to an extent, especially when that person has a big influence in the family.”

Everyone attending the event agreed that more time and effort was needed to raise understanding and empathy so that the sad stories narrated would, in the future, become an anomaly in the country.

That is the mission that ICS and PFLAG Vietnam have set for themselves. While ICS works towards LGBTI+ community empowerment, social change, and law advocacy, as well as providing consultation and legal aid, PFLAG devotes its resources to similar initiatives and organizes safe platforms for LGBT discussions.

Parents are scared, too

A key aspect of the LGBT experience highlighted at the talk show was the parents’ plight.

Chau said that it is always difficult for parents to keep up with their children, who shift from one milestone of growth to another.

In the case of different sexual orientation, “you should help your parents confront the naysayers and enrich their LGBT knowledge,” she told a teenager.

She said it was fear and ignorance that made some parents strive hard to protect family honor for the sake of outsiders while “attacking their own children.”

The event’s host said he felt parents of LGBTQI+ chide their children not because they do not love them, but because they are deeply offended by outsiders’ mocking of their loved ones for their unorthodox sexual orientations. They want to change that, “but sometimes they direct their anger at the wrong person – their own children.

“Even you need time to accept and welcome yourself, how can parents instantly accept you” an event organizer asked.

“When you are becoming more cognizant of the fact that you are different, think about your parents. Have you ever considered your parents’ perspective? That they are scared too because they are different for having a gay child?”

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mardi-aesthetics · 6 years

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Ok, here it is. My problem with Love, Simon. First of all, my ex really loved it. Sike! No, that's not a reason why I dislike the movie, I'm not that salty hunty. No. I dislike this movie for a multitude of reasons, all of which come down to a few certain key points, which I'm about to share. I should say at the beginning however that I don't totally dislike this film; it was... okay. Just not the best, for me at least. I should also say that my opinions as a gay man do not reflect the opinions of any other gay men, my voice is mine alone, and WE AREN'T ALL THE SAME BRUH! Just kidding! Well, about the shouting. Not having the same opinions is real talk. It has been my experience as an avid book-reader that movies made from books can be awful (we're looking at you, The Lightnign Thief). But sometimes, they can be divine (Harry Potter series, Divergent series). This however... Is so very appropriately underwhelming.

Number 1}: Why now?! This movie has been praised for several reasons, foremost among them is it's breathtakingly lovely stroytelling (I think Titanic had a better story, though a more depressing one). People all across the globe adore this movie for its seeming originality, and I'm not entirely convinced. There have been a load (get it?) of other, much greater sotries involving LGBT characaters; the books written by Rick Riordan is one luscious example. Queer As Folk and The Perks of Being A Wallflower is another. I should point out that though the film for Perks was made in 2013, it took place in the early 90's. Queer As Folk was filmed in the late 90's, on to the mid 2000's. Love, Simon is a little late in the game, considering those other tales not only represent the life of gay men much more realistically, but they beat Love, Simon to the punch. It is the 2000-teens, truthfully this kind of movie could have been made years ago and made a much bigger splash. And not only that, but this being 2018, we don't need these stories anymore: representation in the media of LGBT life is getting better and better.

Number 2}: Reality checks One thing I know as a book-geek is that some things are just a little too much. Tana Mongeau for instance. A toothbrush! Some things are simply too dumb and highly unlikely to be swallowed. This movie is one such. A gay guy... whom nobody knows is gay... uses emails to talk to another gay guy... all the while being blackmailed... and then outed... and lying to EVERYONE... this is getting worse and worse.... you see where I'm going here. No! I don't buy it. I understand poetic license. I understand that certain liberties can be taken when writing books and other forms of media. But this is a lot to deal with. The plot is trite! It is neither beleivable nor likable. This kid isn't an antihero or some other thing, he's a pathological liar, and nobody calls him on it.

Number 3}: Reality check, part deux I am a gay man. I know gay culture. I have gay friends, I've had gay sex, I've (almost) gotten gay married. But nobody, and I do mean nobody, has a story like this. Case in point: I was talking with an ex-boyfriend after having just seen the movie, and on the drive back we were discussing it. My ex adored the movie, thinking it was so like his own life, so relatable. Yet, when I asked, he couldn't point out a single point in the movie where his life converged.

Number 4}: Gay? No In addition to all that... mess... This movie portrays gay men and teens unrealistically. I recently reread the reimagining of Twlight, called Life and Death, by Stephanie Meyer, and she recalled that her main character got a lot of flack for being a human female so in love with a male vampire. She was called a damsel-in-distress, a boy-chaser, and the shade is understandable. She kinda was. Love, Simon makes gay men look the same. Like we have nothing better to do than pine after a guy we've never met. My question the entire time watching this movie in the theater was "Can't this kid just stop? Stop thinking being in a relationship will make you happy. Stop lying to everyone. Stop being cowardly". Plenty of people exist happily as single and staying that way; plenty of people are anti-marriage and happy; plenty of people are content to remain virginal and chaste until marriage, or until death, and they're... well I won't say happy... but you get the idea. Being with someone will never complete you, not really. Relationships fall apart, move away, make you cry. They shouldn't be reduced to this. Instead, we deal with the protagonist typing on his laptop, imagining every guy he knows typing back to him. Excpet, ironically, the guys he thinks are straight. There's a reason he might still be in the closet hunty, he might have a girlfriend. Or, much more likely, he might be bisexual. Bisexual people exist too.

Number 5}: Relatability I persoanlly never lived, as many might put, 'in the closet'. I never really understood the whole gay-straight thing until puberty, and even then, I never had panic attacks over someone finding out. I never thought it was something to be ashamed of, to hide. Being different is difficult, but it takes courage to be yourself. And the protagonist doesn't have that. Loads of people worldwide enjoy this movie, but are any of them really gay? Or are they just ooh-ing and ahh-ing at how cutesy this film is? The point in the movie when the dork (I won't even try to remeber his name) outs the main characater, and he just kinda... sits there. For someone that didn't want the world to know he was gay, he sure didn't react much. Internal turmoil? Or just cowardice? Even when teased, calle drude words, he does nothing. Where I would bust heads, he sits there and lets a teacher handle it for him. I understand that violence may not be a good reaction, but letting someone do your own dirty work is just lazy. His cowardice, his lying, and ignorance (or should I say sadism), were his undoing.

Number 6}: Ferris wheel blues The last scene of the movie, wher he asks his apparent mystery crush to ride the Ferris wheel with him, after anouncing his identity and his sexuality, therefore outing his illicit friend, is just plain stupid. Why would you go through all the secrecy, all the lies, just to wind up outing someone else? Coming out is a very personal experience, everyone has a different story. Forcing someone to come out, just to be with you, is wrong. On top of that, just because you're both gay doesn't mean you'll have anything beyond that in common. I've met some gay men whom I just couldn't deal with they wre so rude. Plus, the fact that they hadn't seen each other before that... what would happen, do you think, if the illicit friend from the emails said "I'm only into other black guys". Or, "I don't find you attarctive at all". One in every ten men will identify as gay; roughly the population of New Jersey identifies as LGBT. Wait until college or when you have a job and can support yourself to come out, if you're really that scared of your parent's opinions, or of your life changing. Then bump uglies.

A Last Few Words While this film sucks butt, and not in the good way, it has two points that I'm very happy with: The loving speech given by Jennifer Garner, and the Glee actor, Clark Moore. Lets start with the mother. Her speech about her son holding his breath, was very sweet, and inspiring. Many gay guys still in the closet will watch this movie and see an anthem playing, especially with the heart-warming talk between mother and son. Not every coming-out sotry is violent and heart-rending; some of it is actually rather anticlimactic. It's not always so traumatizing, and I really enjoy the movie including gthis little bit. Next, with Clark Moore, whose character is the other gay guy, the openly gay guy. This is a bit more realistic, the fact that they include this one person, because not all gay men look, behave, dress the same way. Moore's character is out-and-proud, in a very realistic way.

#love simon #movie review #movie essay #hate mail

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