#2) As with most people- her inhibitions are lowered when she's drunk. That also means some of the sweetheart act falls away and she's more | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

classysassy9791 · 3 years

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Fandom: Inuyasha Genre: Romance/Humor/Fluff Pairing: InuKag Rating: T

Originally written for @inukag-week on tumblr circa 2016, now officially being updated. Its been a hot minute, hasn't it?

For InuKag Week - Day 2: Warmth

Part 1 l

Part 2 Word Count: 2,600

Can also be found on FFN and AO3.

Kagome couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so hard.

Sometime between the moment she met the arrogant, rude man known as Inuyasha and the three shots she had consumed, they had fallen into a flirtatious banter that she rather enjoyed. Gone was the pompous jerk who had so rudely called her audacious names, replaced by a man who proved to actually be decent company.

No, she hadn't forgotten about their initial meeting, but as she downed another shot of whiskey, she realized she didn't much care. For the first time in months - maybe longer - Kagome found herself enjoying her evening. With her shackles removed and her inhibitions lowered, she relished in the sweet taste of freedom that had been sorely lacking from her life.

"You did not!" she squealed with absurdity in her tone, clamping a hand over her mouth.

Inuyasha chuckled, tilting his glass and giving a half-shrug. "I did," he confessed sheepishly, but not at all ashamed of his actions. "Miroku ran down the dorm hall, completely naked, screaming after me."

Kagome shook her head. "I can honestly say I have never stolen my roommates clothes while they were in the shower. Or pulled any pranks on them, really."

"To be fair," he continued, signaling the bartender for another round. "He actually met his girlfriend that way."

"By running naked down the hallway?"

He nodded. "Knocked her down and stopped to apologize."

"Still want to leave the tab open?" Kouga interrupted.

"Yeah, that's fine." Inuyasha finished off his beer. "Another round of whiskey shots while you're at it."

Flashing Kagome a smile, Kouga took their empty glasses. "You're going to dry me out."

"It's still early," Kagome barbed playfully. "Your bar will last until midnight at the very least."

He chuckled, filling up their shot glasses and handing them another drink. "Oh, thanks. I was afraid I'd have to close up soon."

Leaving with a, "flag me down if you need me," Kouga wandered to the other end of the bar where a busty blonde waved at him.

Typical, Kagome thought sourly. On the one hand, she didn't like the way her thoughts were turning, considering she didn't really know Kouga, and hated grouping him in with the rest of the spineless male population she had become accustomed to - especially since he was a bartender and it was literally his job to tend to the needs of his customers. But on the other hand, she couldn't help but feel bitter about his attention leaving her. Maybe it was because she had so blatantly been deprived of it for so long, that her longing for companionship had been exacerbated ten-fold.

Taking a sip of beer - which she had switched to once they started doing shots - Kagome heard her phone buzz in her purse again; it had already gone off several times during her conversation with Inuyasha. She finally pulled it out and unlocked it, frowning at the array of messages popping up on her screen.

Inuyasha raised a brow at the irritable look that overcame her expression before Kagome sighed and locked her phone. She quickly downed her shot of whiskey, not even bothering to 'cheers' him.

"Everything okay?" Inuyasha questioned, against his better judgement. There was a reason people showed up by themselves at a bar on Friday nights - either to drown their sorrows in whiskey or to find company for a few fleeting, midnight hours.

Kagome pressed her lips together. She didn't come to the bar to talk about her problems. She wasn't some sad case that needed a therapist to pour her drinks. If anything, she wanted to forget about the emotional damage that had been inflicted earlier that day. Her heart had been broken, her ego bruised, and no matter how many times her friends had told her he wasn't worth it, their sympathies didn't make her feel any better.

But, alcohol had a funny habit of turning into truth serum, and she found herself spilling her guts before she could stop herself. "Just my ex-boyfriend - er, fiance - blowing up my phone."

Inuyasha chuckled. "Can't take a hint, huh?"

Kagome shrugged with a bitter smile. "I mean, he broke off the engagement. Not sure why he can't follow through with his decision."

She had expected sympathy, perhaps even empathy. That's what most people offered in a situation like this, when they didn't know what to say or how to react. But Kagome was caught off-guard by Inuyasha's next question.

"How long were you together?"

Kagome eyed him curiously, his honey gaze hiding a wealth of understanding. "Five years," she answered him, twirling a strand of her dark hair around her finger. "Planned our life together, put a ring on it, and even booked the venue. But… I suppose he got cold feet a long time ago."

"His loss. What kind of bastard would put someone through that?"

She hummed thoughtfully, but didn't answer. It wasn't in her best interest to start talking about the past now, and she would rather take the spotlight off of herself all together. "What about you?" she asked her barstool companion as she took another sip of beer. "Any lucky ladies in your life?"

Inuyasha chuckled mirthlessly. "Nah, not anymore."

Kagome arched a brow. "Dare I ask?"

"Not much to tell. Her career and ambitions drove a wedge between us, and she decided they were more important than me. Simple as that."

"Sounds high maintenance."

He grinned. "Something like that. I mean, she knew what she wanted and didn't care what stood in her way. Even me."

Kagome felt an ache beneath her breast for the man beside her. She knew the pain of rejection very well. "Put out in the rain just like a dog. Doesn't that bother you?" she asked, tilting her head.

He frowned at her choice of words, and Kagome knew she may have touched a nerve then, but the alcohol had stripped her of her filter apparently.

"Well, I guess we're all damaged somehow," he replied with a shrug.

She scrunched her nose. "That's a bit thoughtless."

"What can I say? Shit happens. Get over it."

And then Kagome suddenly remembered the arrogant, rude, condescending jerk she had met when she had sat down at the bar earlier in the night. She narrowed her eyes. "Why are you such an ass?"

Inuyasha smirked while bringing his beer to his lips. "You are what you eat?"

Kagome let loose a growl of frustration. She had only known him for a short time, but she had quickly learned that Inuyasha was the most infuriating human being on the planet! "Your immaturity is revolting," she stated matter-of-factly, waving down Kouga for another shot of whiskey. She was definitely not drunk enough to deal with the way the conversation had turned.

"I'm not known for my friendly disposition."

Kagome glared at the man sitting next to her. "Is it fun being a jerk to me? Does it satisfy you?"

Inuyasha chuckled. "Actually, it is pretty entertaining."

She rolled her eyes. "You know, Inuyasha. You can hide behind that fake bravado all you want, but I know you're just a big softie underneath."

"Keh," he grumbled, finishing off his beer.

Kagome threw him a glare. "What? No witty repartee?"

He set down his empty glass with a little more force than usual, grabbing Kagome's attention. "I know your type, wench," he snapped, his amber eyes boring into hers. "I know exactly the kind of person you are; all high and mighty, acting as if you're better than everyone else. You think you can show someone how great life can be and how fantastic it is if I would just try. Well, sorry to break it to you, sweetheart, but not everyone is worth saving, all right?"

His words left Kagome stunned into silence for a brief moment. How did their witty banter only a few minutes ago turn into this? This… This denied anger and unadulterated cynicism had Kagome reeling, her thoughts turning to what exactly had penetrated Inuyasha's life so completely that he had such a negative outlook on such.

She pursed her lips. "How much do you think you're worth?"

Inuyasha shrugged. "Like twenty bucks. Or two twinkies." He grinned at his own comment, but Kagome didn't find it very funny.

If anything, Kagome felt pity for him. No matter how bleak her life became, she always managed to find the good in it. If a person couldn't do that… Well, that was a pretty sad way to live. "As much as I would love to hear you divulge all of your secrets, this is a great song and I feel like dancing."

"Look, wench," Inuyasha barked out, his anger palpable. "I'm not looking for your validation. I'm pretty fucking happy with my life of dirty pennies and whiskey bottles. We don't all need to be Barbie."

She looked over at him, the low dim of the bar lights shining off his silver hair, and found she could only nurse one wounded heart at a time. "I just wanted you to leave tonight and think the world is a little less horrible than you thought."

"Hey, pretty lady," Kouga greeted as he appeared at the perfect time with another shot of whiskey for her and a full beer, stealing her full attention away from Inuyasha.

Kagome immediately downed the shot and chased it with her beer, ready to forget half of the night and lose herself in the music pounding through the speakers. As the evening wore on, the bar became busier, and the DJ had started up a round of tunes that had half the customers on the dance floor.

Kouga watched her curiously, arching a brow. "You alright there?"

"Dance with me?" she called over the bass pounding through the speakers. Oh yes, it was now the time of the night in which she had no qualms for asking for what she wanted.

He chuckled and glanced over at the other bartenders who appeared to have things under control. "You can steal me for a few minutes."

Kagome grinned and giggled like a school girl, leaving Inuyasha behind without delay. Kouga met her at the end of the bar and took her hand in his as she pulled him out onto the dance floor.

Some upbeat dance music blasted through the speakers. Kagome moved and swayed through the bodies crowding near the DJ, the vibrations of the music becoming part of her energy, raising her up several levels at once. Gone were her heartbroken wallows and the biting arrogance of her barstool companion. Her mind buzzed with pure joy. She moved in her dress like her hips were made to sway, the black sequins catching the disco ball that twirled above, causing her to glitter on the dance floor.

Kouga pulled her close, his strong hand pressed against the small of her back, his chiseled chest pressed against hers. She ran her fingers through her messy hair and pulled it to the side, feeling the beat of the music pound with each beat of her heart. Bodies pressed in tighter all around them. Kagome felt the part of her that was really her come out to play, to feel the vibe of the music and let her body go free.

"You're beautiful," Kouga's voice whispered in her ear, sending shivers down her spine.

His lips looked soft and very kissable, and Kagome knew her decision-making skills were indeed hindered by the alcohol that buzzed through her veins. And then his attention was caught by something else, his royal blue eyes pulling from hers to the outskirts of the dance floor. He said something to her, attempting to shout above the music, but his words were swallowed up by the electric beat that kept her entranced.

Kagome felt his hands slip from around her waist and he disappeared into the crowd. She didn't bother to follow, her hands playing with her hair, her hips moving to the music as she lost herself within it. This was what her heartbroken soul had fiercely needed; a night to forget all the troubles of the day.

Large, meaty hands found her waist, but they were unfamiliar and too warm to the touch. Kagome felt a warm flush find her cheeks as she gazed up to meet a stranger's hazy stare. He pulled her in close - too close - and even in her alcohol-ridden mind, she felt mild panic begin like sparks in her abdomen.

She tried to push him away, first gently and then forcefully, pretending to laugh at his behavior. "Thanks for the dance, but I need some fresh air."

"C'me on, baby," he slurred, pulling her tighter to his sweaty frame, his hot breath rolling over her skin. "We just met. Let's dance s'me more."

Kagome frowned. "I said no." Before she could stomp on his foot and fight her way out of the throng of dancers, the man was forcefully pulled away from her. They became separated by another man, one with very familiar silver hair who had his back to her. She didn't hear the words exchanged, but whatever was said was enough to send the man scampering off to the other side of the bar.

Inuyasha turned around, his piercing honey eyes studying her expression, before his hand gently wrapped around her waist. His grip on her wasn't strong like Kouga's, or possessive like the stranger. Inuyasha's hand was warm against the small of her back, and the anxiety she felt moments ago melted away.

"You okay?" he asked, swaying his hips in tune with hers as they continued to dance to the beat of the music.

She grinned up at him. "Were you worried about me, jerk?"

"Keh," he grumbled, his lips pulling into a smirk. "I despise you more than any other human I've ever had the displeasure of meeting. You're loud and wild and apparently have no sense of self-preservation. You also act like you have the mental capacity of a five year old."

"Are you flirting with me?" she barbed in return.

"Maybe."

His hand found the back of her neck, his fingers finding purchase in her hair, his hips grinding against hers. Warmth pooled into the pit of her stomach, his breath caressing her skin, and she moved her lips to find his.

Kagome barely had a moment to react before he pressed his tongue to the seam of her lips and delved inside her mouth. It was a very sloppy kiss with the strong scent of beer being exchanged between their billowing breaths. Her arm reached up and tangled around his strong neck. She pulled away and arched up into his broad chest, letting a moan escape in the contact of body heat against her own, before she drew back into his lips.

She could nearly taste the slight bitterness of the beer as it rolled off her tongue and seeped down her throat with every push of his tongue against hers. The kiss coupled with the beer and whiskey humming through her system obliterated every thought. For the first time that day, her mind was locked into the present. Her usual concerns for her life were suspended, and she had no wish for the kiss to end.

But as the music changed, they pulled apart. Inuyasha's skin shimmered with sweat and his amber eyes flecked with gold held her gaze. The beat of the music consumed them under the crazy neon lights, and Kagome felt alive during a night that was still so young.

#inuyasha #kagome #inukag #fanfiction #inuyasha fanfiction #inukag-week #sassy stays classy #my fanfiction #double shot of heaven

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snowflake-of-destruction · 4 years

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vanikai!!

1. How do much do I ship it?: Never heard of it/ Notp / Dislike / used to ship / maybe / ship it / aww / otp / IS IT CANON YET

Fun fact: I started out as maybe and moved to the ship category while writing

2. What non sexual activities do they like to do together?

Grass is Greener Verse:

Theater, as shocking as it is that they can fixate on something where the eyes aren't on either of them. Well, there is the pre-show ritual of Kairi talking about how well she would have done as a stage actress. Vanitas more often takes a supportive rather than sarcastic response to this, and tells her she should go to some open auditions. It's far from too late. She's young, hot, and talented (He presumes the last one, but he'd never bet the opposite...and after he sees the one movie she did and some of the commercials...he'll just keep his mouth shut on talented). Sometimes, she'll beam, call him right, and make plans she doesn't follow through on. Sometimes she's noncommittal. Sometimes she'll glare at him, deciding he's just trying to end conversation or mock that she is all talk. Post-show there's also talk--this time from both of them--about how they could have done better in certain roles, which is a couples bonding activity all on its own. HOWEVER, these types of fantasies are not why they love plays. They think is an engrossing form of storytelling, that make worlds come to life and put you in them more than movies or tv. Also, they are simply dramatic nerds at heart.

They also play tennis. Primarily doubles, though you would be foolish to play against them, but they enjoy competing with each other too.

Rock climbing, but at an indoor rock gym. Anyone who asks them if they are training for something/ever planning a trip receives incredibly incredulous looks and scoffing. Not because of the potential danger, because of the very idea of them out in the wilderness...though sometimes Kairi will counter this by mentioning that one summer she worked for her father's, now Axel's, landscaping business. That was getting dirty in nature. Vanitas's response to this is not for this headcanon space

A more canon-verse approach (what do you mean Vanitas not joining the guardians of light post-kh3 is not canon?): There is a lot of sparring. Vanitas helps Kairi advance her keyblade training and just plain get out some of the anger in the grief of losing Sora. Van doesn't go easy and Kairi likes that. Kairi helps Vanitas with any gaps in education without talking down, pitying or even mentioning his strange upbringing, or, the worst, comparing him to Roxas or Xion (because he has identity issues too). I'm not even talking traditional education, though that too if he wants, but education on social situations...which he's not a complete idiot about. He's actually really good at reading people. He just needs a little guidance on what way to use the info, because he only has like five moves and not every situation calls for "taunt" or "threaten loved one". Kairi makes him a much better manipulator. Thanks Kairi. There's also a lot of snuggling, because I say so, that's why. I just see them both as a bit yearning for physical reassurance in their lonely spells, and also the least likely to say it for their own different reasons, so they read it in each other and just give each other what they need but won't ask for.

Read More before this gets too long

3. Who does chores around the house?

Grass is Greener: Neither, as much as it can be helped. It's a stand off about most of the regular chores, and periodically they have a cleaning service come through that is more thorough than either of them are. More often than not, Kairi is the one that "breaks" over keeping the kitchen clean, and Vanitas about cleaning bathrooms and straightening living areas. Vanitas is very neat as a habit, and Kairi likes her surroundings to show a little bit of how she likes chaos--she just is grossed out by dirty dishes, grease stains, and food crumbs. Cooking is a bit of a fifty-fifty with both preferring quickly assembled meals. Laundry is taken down to nothing-to-wear levels, and then it's whoever needs something first. Though sometimes this all goes out the windows, and Kairi goes through "Look, I'm a fifties housewife" sprints where suddenly everything's spotless and she's cooked a three course dinner and did it all in a cocktail dress because she didn't realize you're supposed to change into the dress after.

Kinda-canon: Vanitas. He has a lot of pent up emotions and sometimes you have got to stress clean or cook. Kairi would help, but the arrangement of Vanitas doing the lion's share and it seeming to help him definitely works for the self-described lazy bum.

4. Who’s the better cook?

Grass is Greener: Vanitas. Kairi is a bit careless following recipes and doesn't have the innate "cooking sense" in regard to estimating amounts, flavors, heat, or time to freestyle. Vanitas, when he does cook, tends to get really serious about it even though he prefers the simple to assemble, like I said in the last answer.

Kinda Canon: Kairi. Vanitas is slow to adjust from the “food is only fuel not pleasure” mindset and Kairi starts out with a base of her adoptive parents having taught her some things. Vanitas has a sharp learning curve though, bullying Little Chef into helping him (because he's not going to lose) and not realizing that the bullying is what makes Little Chef more reluctant and ensures Remy doesn't teach him all the secrets he does to others. Anyone can cook, but if you're mean you are taught to cook less well. Once Kairi gets Little Chef tutelage, it's all over.

5. Who’s the funniest drunk?

Grass is Greener: Both and neither in a way. They both have a very high tolerance. They tend to act out more on purpose out of the excuse than act out because of a truly altered state. Alcohol isn't magic. It just lowers inhibitions and neither has those to begin with. If I had to choose though, Kairi is a funnier drunk, because Vanitas's mean streak becomes more developed the drunker he is, whereas Kairi's mean streak, when she chooses to have one, is more practiced and purposeful cultivation instead of a natural harshness.

Kinda Canon: Vanitas. He is not prepared, and once he loses his filter everything spills out, and it's a lot less ugly than some people expected. Kairi just gets giggly and slightly louder, but otherwise doesn't change.

6. Do they have kids?

Grass is Greener: :) :D Listen. Listen. If Shaky was the one who carelessly put "I don't think it fits me the way it used to" on the Vanikai picture she drew. SUPPOSEDLY this was done for cleavage and for the "help you take it off" joke but I know a dangled plotline when I see it.

Kinda Canon: That partially depends on the state of the worlds and how many other keybearers there are when they are older. Even in a stable universe, I don't see them having kids young and it being a long discussion of whether they want kids at all, not the least because of the implications of Vanitas's powers and whether they are only his or would be passed down--what could happen to an infant that could summon Unversed and not know how to retract them even if they were loyal especially if it would be hurt by them being vanquished. I see them adopting orphans from other worlds and saying fuck world order more than having kids naturally.

7. Do they have any traditions?

Grass is Greener: Annual trip to Vegas to recreate the way they met under new created identities.

Kinda Canon: Vanitas calls every tradition he's introduced to stupid without fail. Vanitas also gets VERY into every holiday, and Kairi is all too happy to indulge. Then, he starts nudging her about teaching him more dumb holidays. Their tradition becomes ALL THE TRADITIONS. They celebrate holidays from every world and from every religion if there's a way to do it respectfully--and if it's not appropriate to participate, then they just learn about it as much as they are permitted--and then they look up and celebrate obscure or "made up" things like Leave a Zucchini on a Neighbor's Porch Day.

8. What do they fight about?

Grass is Greener: What you would expect.

Housework.

Why do you take criticism like a personal attack?

What do you do all day? versus Why are you never home?

Were you flirting with the waiter?

Did you even want the baby? Was it a relief when I lost it?

Kind of Canon: Imagine Kairi saying in the same tone as Belle in Disney's Beauty and the Beast "Well you should learn to control your temper!"

No, really, it's mainly about Vanitas being "mean" to people...and then sometimes it's about Kairi doing the same and then blaming him as a bad influence.

9. What would they do if they found their paring tag on tumblr? (If they have one)

Grass is Greener: The flippant answer is that they are really confused about this whole Disney crossover with weird swords thing, and why they are teenagers in so many of these pictures. Don't even get them started on the skirt over the muscle suit paired with the motorcycle helmet Vanitas sees himself put in. When he wears a skirt he has a lot better style, especially if Kairi helps put together the outfit.

But let's take this in a different way. That one bad movie Kairi did is actually gaining a small cult following now years after its release. Someone does a "What Happened to Kairi Emberson? The Answer Will Shock You!" clickbait. The answer...is not shocking but enough people see a photo of Kairi, fine as ever, now Kairi White and looking so happy with Vanitas, and the pair get an objectively creepy because the next few pictures are pulled from social media they don't lock, but well intentioned few people finding and posting more cute pictures of the, and they become a sparse tag and one that is half joking, but a RPS all the same. Kairi pretends to hate this, but is not so secretly really flattered. Vanitas genuinely hates it.

Kinda-canon: Kairi loves it. Vanitas is fascinated despite himself. Everyone else is disappointed because they expected flustered denials or anger at those that portray them wrong, but Van and Kairi both just think it's cool.

10. Who cried at the end of Marley and me?

Grass is Greener: Neither. They roasted it for filth. They cried about it much later. Vanitas in the shower, and Kairi the next day when she was over at Xion's, saw her dog Elmo, and it all busted loose.

Kinda Canon: Vanitas. Cue a discussion about how movies work, how they are not real, and Vanitas snapping that he knows that until there are now multiple types of Unversed to take care of. Kairi gently cuddles both her man and the Unversed until equilibrium returns.

11. Who always wins at Mario kart?

Kairi in all universes. Vanitas doesn't care in GiG, but in canon there is a shout of "Rematch and this time it counts!" despite it being the 100th rematch

12. One thing I like about this ship?

That they have potential to understand each other more than people who technically know them better, or at least the concept of being seen a certain way and having a different "certain way" that everyone thinks it would be better if they grew toward instead of just being allowed to be. Princess of Heart and Agent of Darkness aren't really so different after all.

13. One thing I don’t like about the ship?

When it's clear that it's a fill in for people who want Soriku but can't think of anyone but Sora for Kairi, and so pick "other Sora." There's not anything wrong with that outright, and this isn't me annoyed with pair the spares (though that can rub wrong if it is handled wrong or I'm in a mood to make a point about how not everyone needs a romantic relationship), but annoyed with the reduction of Vanitas to "edgy Sora"

14. The song I would say fits them?

Grass is Greener:

Sibella, and I'll quote a verse and a half because clearly this isn't already long enough.

"You are vain and you are heartless and yet

I can feel in you a shade of sadness

That's barely detectable

That I still want you at all

I may live to regret

You're deceitful

You're delectable

You see the fate of a man

Who has had the misfortune

To spend his life caught in your sway

I see Sibella

My Sibella

And I like her that way"

It works both ways. Change whatever pronouns you want.

Kind of Canon: I...don't know. I can't think off the top of my head.

15. Another headcanon about the paring? (Free space)

Grass is Greener: Even though they think they met in Vegas, they had crossed paths before and probably more than once. I don't have specific headcanons (yet), but this may be something if I ever write the other 20 bazillion Grass is Greener scenes for various characters and relationships that I want to do first.

Kind of Canon: Kairi makes her own version of the suit and borrows Vanitas's helmet sometimes to do things she would never "get away with" as herself. Vanitas blesses this, helps her with the suit, and hands over the helmet after kissing the visor for luck. He also exposes her as a fake Vanitas by showing up at the worst time on purpose.

#vanikai #grass is greener verse #vanitas #kairi #spiiderbiites

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itscookieoverlordtoyou · 4 years

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40 Questions — Meme for Fic Writers

Don’t you sometimes see those ask games and wish you could just fkg do them all? On this sunny Saturday, we make our dreams reality lolol

1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

Short fic, I usually get a small scene I want written so I write around it, plus I love short stories with interesting punchline.

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

Probably, I don’t know them all ^^’

3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

Writing about stuff that disgust me I guess.

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

Like 5-6? I want to write about a restaurant but set in a world where people have powers I think the combo could be very funny. The main character has the power of insight, the plonge is a giant pool where you swim around cleaning. Backstories of characters with shitty and amazing powers and how they ended up here. Rival to lover character that has the power to see into the future.

5. Share one of your strengths.

Dialogues, subversion, and humor; classmates often said I have a touch to spin a sad story into something positive/happier.

6. Share one of your weaknesses?

I get tired when I describe something for longer than 4 sentences.

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

“In what kind of trouble have we walked right into?”, I ask my companions as they’re idly fixing their attire. Together, we’ve face many perils and this mission ranks among one of the most dangerous. Yet, the others had been…how should I say it…professional! Rescuing kidnapped princesses, vanquishing terrifying monsters, quests to restore mythical artifacts, save nations from insidious plots. Oddly enough, “Does this dress make me look fat?”, is not the answer I’m looking for.

Ribbon in my hair is the first time I wrote about my knights, I first dreamt about them when I as 18, my boyfriend at the time called my idea stupid and my world building pointless so I only started writing about them when I was 21. Now I write about them a little bit every year :)

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

“Do you really want your last words to be complaints?”

“I die as I lived.”

“Will we become a fruit tree?”

“I don’t think so, it’s never been the case for my ancestors.”

“I’d love it if we could turn into a banana tree.”

“I’m not from the southern regions, plus I like apples more.”

“Just imagine, our fruits could have been banana flambée”

This death scene was a big finale to a story I wrote for a class in Uni, a story of war between clan of forest and volcano people, of the supposedly brutal death of a Goddess, of a mysterious apple tree whose fruit give vision of the past. I should revisit it.

9. Which fic as been the hardest to write?

My analysis on D’Artagnan and the figure of the hero. Granted it’s an essay for school but I deeply loved it. I was too afraid to write or ask for help from the professor in charge of me (which made our relationship tense ^^’) but when I did, it was beautiful and I was very proud got 89% :D

10. Which fic has been the easiest to write?

A play called Adelaide where an old couple reads their old fairytale book about a Prince on a quest to save a Princess. They bicker about the other misreading the story but we finally get to the part where the Prince tosses the princess apart to get a better view of the dragon of which he falls instantly in love. The book is actually their wedding album.

11. Is writing your passion or just a fun hobby?

It’s one of my passions, but it’s not something I think I could live on so I delegated it to my hobby.

12. Is there an episode above all others that inspires you just a little bit more?

The wedding scene in Shrek 2, my mind was blown when I saw it in theaters and when I need inspiration to write, I rewatch it.

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

Presentation is important. If trying to read you gives people headaches, they’ll stop. Choose a nice big font, space with paragraphs, be mindful of your spelling and missing words. Read out loud because some things written are bad said.

14. What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

I must’ve been lucky in this regard, I don’t think I’ve ever received advice that made me go NO, but I did have to listen/read stuff that made me gag.

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?

I would love to the Adelaide acted out, some adjustments would be required because I’m no expert in play writing but I think I’d be great.

16. If you only could write one pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be?

Luyenor’a and Taram, names are placeholders as of now but they’re two of my knight, being the “only pairing I’m allow to write about forever” means I’d get more knight shenanigans done.

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

I’m doing bullets point of what I want to happen and write stuff without much order. Some days I have no inspirations for what goes in the beginning but have loads for a later point. I surf the wave when it presents itself.

18. Do you use any tools, like worksheets or outlines?

Word on my computer, a notebook in my bag, the note app in my phone.

19. Stephen King once said that his muse is a man who lives in the basement. Do you have a muse?

I have little trinkets all around my computer to invite inspiration.

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions.

Freshly woken up, having eaten, drinking something sugary and sometimes apple cider because the alcohol help lower my inhibition.

21. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

I read out loud at least once the whole thing, helps with missing words but dude I reread my stuff on ao3 and always find mistakes still ^^’

22. Choose a passage from one of your earlier fics and edit it into your current writing style. (Person sending the ask is free to make suggestions).

I’m not going to put here because it’s in French and I don’t want to translate now but I wrote Vision of a world, mine when I was 16 and damn was I already depressed then?

23. If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?

The Princess and the Soldier, some gay fairytale I think my first one, I’m sure I can do better bow

I also have one about a janitor and it’s a murder mystery I could redo

24. Have you ever deleted one of your published fics?

Once by accident, I was so angry I never rewrote it.

25. What do you look for in a beta?

I don’t really use beta (beta reader right?) but I guess I’ve had like 3-4 when I was in Uni and had to read people’s wip and they read mine. They’d talk about what they liked, links they noticed, things that seemed weak or to change

26. Do you beta yourself? If so, what kind of beta are you?

I usually just point out the stuff I like

27. How do you feel about collaborations?

For a class in college, we had to act out a play we wrote collectively. Ten sketches written in pairs/alone. I made sure I was alone so I wouldn’t be saddled with someone else to write my sketch

28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

I don’t follow fic writers; I just am in a mood for a ship and read what’s available. I do like my friend @alumort ‘s fics tho ^^

29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

There was a Phineas and Ferb fic focused on Perry I really loved. Their world building was something I’d never seen and they abandoned the story, so I did fanfic of a fic. Never dared to post it anywhere I mean it was their world to begin with.

30. Do you accept prompts?

Of course, when inspiration is given I accept

31. Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

I don’t care about canon but I do love using it when there are little trivia to enrich the character.

32. How do you feel about smut?

Love to read it sometimes, would love to write it. Some I’m like………….youveneverhadsexhaveyou…………………

33. How do you feel about crack?

Love it!!!!!!!! I’m too self-conscious to write it tho. Oh maybe that could be a never before written trope I could try?

34. What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con?

Rape I can’t, dub-con where underlying requited feelings exist but anxiety™ don’t let the characters express them but they’re drunk so it surfaces is okay

35. Would you ever kill off a canon character?

Hell yeah! I do when/if the death makes sense (I am still pissed at Kishi for Neji)

36. Which is your favorite site to post fic?

Ao3 is where I post,I used devianart when I had one

37. Talk about your current wips.

Marry Me for the Love of Cake: God I’m so sorry to the few people who followed it, I said I’d pick it up before the end of 2019 and well……I have the ending in bullet points

Yours, with Love: I hope I’ll finish it…I have most of the ending in bullet points

I guess I’m into rom com at the moment lolol

38. Talk about a review that made your day.

I made my best friend read All this for a Roll Cake, and she laughed so much at my work, I took a picture I look at from time to time to remain humble.

39. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

Thankfully I’ve never received a rude review. My professor once told me it seemed kinda unnatural how unlucky my protagonist was vs. how lucky his love interest was (All this for a Roll Cake) but that was the whole point of the story so I just ignored her.

40. Write an alternative ending to [insert fic title] (or just the summary of one).

Writing this I realised I lost my final version of All this for a Roll Cake T^T so I guess I’d rewrite the ending I have of the before the last version I still have.

Well this was fun ^^ got to revisit my works and remember many beloved pieces of fiction I wrote, I look forward to my next projects

#have fun reading lolol #will writing this inspire me to continue my wip?#who knows

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sexeducationsource · 4 years

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Sorry about not warning you, but I figured since you run a blog about this tv show I wouldn’t have to. just gunna say 2 things &then i’m done. 1st ruby clearly wasnt as drunk as Otis. She sought him out, she said it to Otis. That’s what she likes doing. 2nd knowing who Otis is and his personality we know if he was sober and someone was trying to have sex with him he would not have done it, but he couldn’t consent. I’m sure he didn’t go find her. If Otis did this to ruby every1 would hate him.

We are a source blog, yes, but I think you forget that behind the source blog are people who could potentially (and do) have triggers.

This is clearly something you’re set on, and as it’s a touchy subject for me, I’m not eager to get into an argument about it. Having said that, I also feel it’s important to set the record straight, and, respectfully, you have a lot wrong.

People have drunken hookups, teenagers included. Often regrettable, sometimes not. It’s true in real life and definitely in fiction, where Drunken Hookup is all but a trope, it’s been done so often.

As per alcohol.org: “Alcohol also jacks up the amount of norepinephrine present in the brain; this neurotransmitter acts as a stimulant, Psychology Today publishes. Elevated levels of norepinephrine increase arousal and excitement, and it can lower your inhibitions and increase impulsivity, making it hard for you to consider potential consequences of your actions.”

In 2x06, after he tells the party at large about all the intricate goings-on between himself, Ola and Maeve, he’s seen making out with two random girls (different shirts, different hair). He and the second girl even go so far as grinding. This is also, in your words, something he “would not have done” but he does it. Why? He’s sloshed, same as most other folks at the party, and other parties on this show and other shows. Among them? Ruby.

Ruby is, despite being a complex female character (like all the others on this show), at the heart of it, the archetypical Mean Girl. She cares a great deal about her reputation and popularity, which is made abundantly clear more than once throughout the show. She doesn’t like associating with unpopular kids: she speaks with Maeve only in the privacy of the old bathroom in 1x05, she doesn’t even consider going to Otis’ party when Eric invites her and Olivia until Rahim (someone she deems of her social caliber) says he’ll be there, she normally wouldn’t be caught dead interacting with Otis and proves as much in 2x07 when she meets with him in secret, doesn’t want to be seen with him, etc.

By way of remembering a little more about their night, she might have been less drunk, but it’s plain to see that she is, all the same, drunk: she experiences lowered inhibitions, she does something impulsive, she passes out cold instead of leaving (and I think it in any other state she very well would have).

Nowhere in the dialogue does Ruby say she “sought” Otis out, and I think you’re either misunderstanding the “make out with nerdy boys” scene or twisting it. When she says it’s intentional, it’s in the context of him worrying about her consent in all this, and the only thing “incriminating” about it is that she’s owning up to a pattern of behavior she falls back on when she’s sad.

Here are the things they do establish in and through their dialogue in 2x07:

Consent. In the scene in the woods, straight off the bat, they establish it was consensual. I know the focus is on Ruby’s, but then comes the rest of the dialogue.

Otis checked in often. Maybe every ten seconds, maybe not every ten seconds, but while exasperated as she informs him of as much, she’s completely genuine when she thanks him for it. “Most guys don’t.”

Ruby treats her body like a temple. There’s all the grooming she talks about, the way she cares about her looks, yes, absolutely, but above all, she cares about practicing safe sex. When she starts having more reason to be concerned about it, she worries they didn’t actually use a condom. She’s immediately horrified at the prospect of being pregnant—what’s more, the prospect of having Otis’ kid/s. (This isn’t the reaction of someone who’s taken advantage of someone and gone out of her way to do it. This is the reaction of someone who did something stupid, while drunk, because she didn’t think of the consequences of her actions, as we’ve established drunk people are guilty of doing.)

The writers aren’t perfect—they could have handled Ola’s pansexuality differently, I could have done without any sort of thing between Adam and Jean in season 1, among other things—but it’s obvious they care a great deal about doing sensitive topics and matters justice.

This is the same episode where Aimee’s storyline comes to a head and the girls in detention all discuss their experiences with sexual harassment. Do I think the writers could have squeezed in something more explicit about Otis’ consent? Absolutely. 100%. But I also think, like with anything else, that there’s critical thinking to be had by the audience to fill in some blanks. Not plot hole sized ones, but ones easy enough to fill when you add everything together.

Consent is something I’m very conscious of. I take it very seriously, and I’m glad you do as well. But I really, truly, genuinely cannot arrive at the same conclusion, and, with no offense meant, am still finding it difficult to see how you came to that conclusion when the math laid out before me just doesn’t add up to something as grave as that.

#assault cw #rape mention cw #anonymous #questions

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thereadingcellar · 4 years

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** spoiler alert ** My Review of The Shadow Glass To think that this fantastic story landed in my lap because I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review of The Bone Witch. This was such an all consuming trilogy with bits and pieces of different books it reminded me of: the Witcher (the way the runes were drawn and it has a bard), Memoirs of a Geisha (the way the asha are trained), Twilight (the way Kalen tells Tea not to move when he kisses her for the first time in the 2nd book–Edward and Bella much?), a little bit of Avatar, the Last Air Bender (the different elemental powers used, wind, water, fire, air, earth) Harry Potter (betrayal of teachers and dragons aka the aza), The Bear and the Nightingale (a powerful woman coming into her own powers to right wrongs society has accepted), I read somewhere a little bit of GOT but I never watched/read those books…I know, gasp. Mulan (how Kalen trains Tea super hard, kind of like how Li Shang trains Mulan). And some Divergent (anti hero giving her life for the better good, brooding handsome love interest). How could one not love the this? First of all, THANK YOU RIN CHUPECO (not sure if you’ll ever see this review) for a couple things: 1. Creating this amazing story that consumed my life while obeying Stay at Home Orders 2. Softening the blow of Kalen’s death by giving us a heads up in the first book. GOOD LORD, I still cried when he actually died. Also, did anyone else picture a younger, buff, Ben Barnes (Prince Caspian) as Kalen?! No? Just me? 3. The loving sibling relationship between Tea and Fox until the very end 4. and Kalen’s POV on your blog. Honestly, you knew we would need that and you delivered. Can you please write all 3 books in his point of view?! Please. I do have a question though. Given how there was so much LGBTQ representation from many of the characters, was Prince Kance asexual? 1. He admits he had no feelings for Inessa, 2. thought of Tea as a sister (which, even though we’re happy she’s with Kalen, come on! I wish he would’ve had at least a little crush on Tea!), and 3. He never really pursued a relationship with anyone or showed any interest. If so, kudos for the serious representation. Likh. How can you not love Likh and her journey, her transformation, from male to female. Her reasoning, explaining what it felt like to be born in the wrong body and wanting to finally feel comfortable in her own skin; the reader can’t help but want Likh to be loved and accepted. Then finding love with Khalad, accepting her just the way she is, yet being completely oblivious to her (and his own) feelings for the longest time. The innocence is so real, it’s adorably painful. Not to mention how kick-ass Likh is as an asha. Yas Queen. I wish there would’ve been more dialogue between Kalen and Tea in Shadow Glass. I know that Kalen is man of few words, but the first half of the book had me longing for more insight into their relationship. Kalen’s confession of his love for Tea in The Heart Forger was so moving and deep, I wanted to see more of that in the third book. I wish the third book would have given us some more intimate moments, especially leading up to his death. It felt short changed, they shared a moment and it was taken from them, as many other moments were during their quest, which I guess is a reoccurring theme in their relationship. They would never truly be happy until the very end. However, Chupeco gives us Kalen’s insight later on on her blog when she writes his POV, something I didn’t know how badly I needed. Your welcome https://www.rinchupeco.com/kalen/ Your welcomeBut Tea’s drunk scene?! YES! I love how she lets her inhibitions down and just swoons over her love for Kalen, to the point that she basically says she wants to marry him! And how he never scolds her for her performance. She’s so in love that she sings a song about him! She never sings! She also professes how glorious in bed he is, like damn Chupeco, why couldn’t we peek into that part of their relationship? lol. Instead he’s amused and gives in to her. How can we not love this guy! Can we just gush over how much Fox and Tea love each other?! Very rarely have I read any genre that puts such importance on sibling relationships! I read in one of Chupeco’s interviews that she imagined Fox as her older brother that passed away before she was born and it just made me love Fox even more. I couldn’t stop from crying when Fox begs Tea not to leave him behind when she does the rune from the book of hidden runes to make him human again (I can’t remember what it’s called). He’s willing to follow her to the after life and spend the rest of his new life making up for turning on her. Like wow. Understanding his anguish, choosing Tea over Inessa, which I think has to do with when Tea lowers the veil during his conversation with Inessa earlier in the story and he claims he would slay his own sister if he needed to because she was getting dangerous. When he feels her presence, before he can explain anything to her, she builds the veil back up and seals off all connections with him, understanding that he will be safer this way, but still hurt from what she’s heard. She never once holds it against him. Not. Ever. The guilt he feels for not believing her, all the time lost between them, the fact that he would leave Inessa behind to make up for everything shows us how deep their connection and devotion is to each other. And Inessa and Kalen aren’t ever jealous. The Oracle! I did not see that coming. That was some A+ plot twist there. She was a formidable opponent and there was a few times where I didn’t think Tea would be successful at the very end. It also cleared up a lot of questions I had about the Oracle, which I appreciated. And the betrayal of Althy. HOW COULD SHE?! I was completely floored when Althy says that although she influenced Tea, it was still Tea’s doing, killing Daisy. Like, no. NO. It was not her fault, how dare you, sir! To sit there and say she was doing this all for the sake of also getting rid of magic. Girl, you lyin. When she delivers the fatal blow to Kalen, I was emotionally wrecked. When Druj turns into a Blight at the very end, I was at the edge of my seat. But of course, Tea comes through showing how powerful she truly is, unfortunately, at the cost of her life. My heart breaks for Tea because it’s one trial after another until she finds peace in death, easing (my) emotional turmoil by having Kalen join her.When she offers Kalen the opportunity to be human again!!! Like, girl! This world does not deserve you! Tea is always putting those she loves ahead of her own needs and desires. I imagine it was the most painful thing she’d ever have to offer, she probably couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t, but of course he turns her down, there’s no Kalen without Tea. I thought I wouldn’t like when Tea gives the rest of her story, written out, to the Bard, because that meant we couldn’t be with her as she continued her mission. But the Bard, true to his word, tells the reader the story from the other side, what we wouldn’t have been able to know if it was just Tea telling it. Everything told from the present point of view was always told by him. However, I’m biased. I just wanted to know more about Tea and Kalen lol. Given how the story revolves around death, the books don’t talk much, if any, about what happens when someone dies. Dark Asha are able to raise people from the dead, but never saying what the after life holds. Understanding that reincarnation is a common belief in Asian cultures, when Tea asks Fox where he went after he died, he says something along the lines of, “nothing and everything” making the reader wonder what death truly holds. At the very end of The Shadow Glass when the Bard is paying respects to the statue of Tea and Kalen, before Fox and Inessa’s wedding, he hears a familiar voice, turns around in disappointment when the voice and face don’t match. The woman he see’s says, “sons with my fire, daughters with my eyes. Mayhap one day, they will. A life worth dying for is a life worth living after all’” and then the man and woman disappear. They don’t enter the party, they don’t leave the palace, they just disappear. There’s a possibility that they may have been reincarnated. Another theory could be that this was her final goodbye to the Bard for telling her story. Interestingly enough, after Tea gains her black heartglass back during her exile and goes to the Gorvekai to pass the final trial Love, the one she failed the first time, she receives a vision: “A new vision swam through my mind. I saw all seven daeva bowing to me, with Kalen, smiling and alive, my hand in his, while I stood surrounded by light. You were right, Lily, my heartsglass wept. A prince on my arm, surrounded by silver. You were right.” The main possibility is that they’re living in the after life, because once she drew the rune to give her brother back the life he lost, all magic in the world would disappear, meaning both deava and Tea and Kalen would no longer exist because they were now magical creatures possessing the shadow glass. I’d also like to think Tea and Kalen are rewarded for their good works and given the opportunity for a second chance in life, however, the interaction with the bard could have been an apparition since no other instances of reincarnation are hinted at. Needless to say, I have an emotional hole in my heart after having finished this trilogy. It’s always hard closing a book with characters you grew so fondly of. Excuse me while I binge watch the office to cheer myself up. Rin, did you cry at the end as well?

#the bone witch #the heart forger #the shadow glass #rin chupeco #booklr #bookish #bookshelf #reading #bone witch trilogy #tea and kalen #theshadowglass #the bone witch spoilers

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goddessofgamma · 5 years

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Never Afraid of You, chapter 2 (Ao3 Link)

Contains adult content

Summary: Bruce wakes up next to Thor and it’s all he can think about. Smut ensues.

Bruce woke up with a sore throat and some sort of pressure on his stomach that he couldn’t recognise. Somehow, despite some discomfort, he could feel his pulse slow and rested, Hulk quiet and content at the back of his mind. It was easily the first time that he had felt that since he had been away from Earth, and he couldn’t recall a time he’d felt this rested in over a decade.

He reached down to feel what was causing the heaviness on his abdomen, only to be met by a yelp. Memories of the night before rushed through his head as Thor moved his head from Bruce’s stomach, rubbing his eye and moving to sit upright. I slept with Thor, Bruce thought to himself, knowing it was true but that it hadn’t quite sunk in.

“Oww, mind my eye,” Thor said as he sat up, emerging from the sheets. He was naked, his chest bared in front of Bruce, and the sight made the scientist’s pulse race as the images of what they had done came into focus at the back of Bruce’s mind. The image of Thor on his knees, looking up at Bruce with desire, flitted through his mind, but he also had a recollection of being reassured and comforted by Thor, remembered the tenderness he had shown.

“Good morning, Thor,” was all that Bruce could manage to say, putting on his best nonchalant smile and trying not to make it obvious that his brain was processing a terabyte a second.

“Good morning, Ba-“ Thor corrected himself. “Bruce.” Thor sounded less self-assured than Thor had ever heard him, almost sounding as thrown as Bruce felt.

Stepping out of the bed, Thor looked around the room for his clothes. His body was on full display, the movement of every muscle on show as he rooted around for his pants. Bruce could still feel within him how Thor’s body had felt on his, how he’d pushed up against him, nearly writhed in pleasure. He snapped out of his thoughts when Thor spoke again, pulling his pants up as he did so.

“Thank you for last night, Bruce.” He smiled, a little awkwardly. “I had a good time, I hope you did too.” Bruce nodded shyly. “And since Jane… Shall we say… It’s been a while.”

Bruce couldn’t help but let out a single laugh at that.

“For me too. I haven’t… since the Hulk –“ he tried to explain.

“Really?” Thor was halfway through putting on a tunic, but he stopped to catch Bruce’s eye. “That long?”

“Yeah, I didn’t know whether I could…” Bruce couldn’t quite find the words. Didn’t know whether I could survive having your mouth on my cock without turning green. “But I guess it turns out that I can.”

“Well.” Thor swallowed and gave Bruce looked Bruce deep in the eyes with an emotion Bruce was unable to recognise. “That’s good to know.” He straightened his shirt. “I should get going; I don’t want to be late for the council meeting. Perhaps I’ll see you at dinner.” It was halfway between a statement and a request.

“Yeah, I’ll be in the mess hall,” Bruce promised. He didn’t always eat there, but the prospect of not seeing Thor again today somehow make Bruce feel a little off-kilter.

His response was met with a nod and Thor walking out of his quarters, leaving Bruce alone with his thoughts.

He had a good time last night. Bruce’s mind was in a haze. He liked being with me.

Bruce spent that day as he normally did any other; helping the citizens of Asgard out in the medical bay and learning from their native healers about their more advanced technology. Most days, Bruce really appreciated his new line of work. Gaining practice as a doctor in India, Bruce had found that he liked working with people, treating people who had nothing to fear from him, being able to see that he was having a positive impact. Studying science was another thing he loved, he had done since he was a child, so the split of learning and helping people was usually a perfect recipe for keeping Bruce engaged. Usually.

Today things were different. He’d been set a chapter of an Asgardian healing tome to read by one of his colleagues, but no matter how much he stared at the paper, it wouldn’t sink in.

His mind was else ware, remembering and reliving the night before. Bruce could swear he’d reread the first sentence of the chapter twelve times, each attempt interrupted by the vivid image of Thor on knees before him, Thor’s mouth on him, pushing against him, their mutual desire lowering Bruce’s inhibitions…

After an hour of very unproductive studying, Bruce could admit to himself that he didn’t want the events of last night to be a one-time thing. Hell, if Thor wanted, he would like to go further. He thought it was fun, but it doesn’t mean he’ll want to do it again. Bruce didn’t want to be overly hopeful. Thor’s the king here, he’s got a lot to get on with.

Aside from even that, Bruce knew that he’d only acted on his impulses with Thor because he’d had alcohol. He didn’t regret it – he wished he was the sort of person who could have made the same choices while sober – but he didn’t see that being something he could repeat. Bruce only very rarely had more than a single drink. He’d only allowed himself more last night because he felt comfortable enough in his company to know that they would be able to handle him, handle the Hulk, no matter what.

He really hadn’t expected to feel so comfortable in Thor’s company when they had first met. Thor was brash, alien, god-like, so many things that Bruce couldn’t imagine himself being able to relate to. Looking back now, Bruce regretted not getting to know him better when they were both still Avengers. It had only been in the time spent on the Statesman that they had grown close. It had only been the night before that Bruce had realised his growing feelings ran deeper than friendly warmth.

The day went by, Bruce getting as much done in six hours as he would usually accomplish in one, still distracted, still buzzing, the echo of Thor’s touch still playing on his skin.

When the time came for dinner in the mess hall, Bruce left promptly, itching to see Thor again.

He was disappointed when the god was nowhere to be found in the hall. Sitting between Valkyrie and Korg, he tried to hide the way that his heart had dropped.

“Have you recovered from last night?” the Valkyrie asked as he sat down, smirking at him. Bruce’s mind whirred as he tried to figure out how she knew what had happened. Did Thor tell her? Then it clicked.

“Oh, you mean because of the alcohol.” Valkyrie gave him a strange look. “I was okay, I didn’t have a lot. What about you?” he asked the pair.

“You can’t really get drunk when you’re made of rocks,” Korg explained. The Valkyrie just raised her eyebrows, questioning that Bruce would even ask her if she’d recovered, given that it was common knowledge that she had the highest alcohol tolerance of anyone on the ship. “Miek still hasn’t recovered, though, he’s taken the day off, he kept dropping his knives all over the place.”

“Have you seen Thor?” Bruce couldn’t stop himself from asking.

“Not since the council meeting this morning,” Val replied. “He’s been distracted all day, didn’t even argue back when Loki was teasing him.”

Distracted by me. The thought came to Bruce unbidden. He couldn’t quite tell whether it was rational deduction or wishful thinking.

Bruce found himself useless in the conversation after that, not able to think of anything productive to say when his mind was else ware. He went back to his room much earlier than usual that evening, not even taking time to look at the stars as he walked the corridors back to his quarters.

In his room, left alone with his thoughts, Bruce figured that he should sleep. He couldn’t figure what else to do, his brain was too busy, too buzzing with thoughts of Thor for him to do anything much.

He tried lying down but all instead of any hope of sleep, the memory of Thor, right here in this bed, kissing him, sucking him off, sprung into his head. Oh god.

Nothing was going to tear Bruce’s mind away, he realised. Resigned to not being able to switch off, Bruce when to unbuckle his belt. He hadn’t pulled himself off in years, hesitant to since the other guy showed up, but he figured that if he’d been okay with Thor, he’d be fine by himself.

He’d just pulled his belt out of the loops when he heard a knock at the door. Okay, Bruce, he thought to himself, maybe now is not the time. Stepping up, Bruce pulled his shirt out of his pants and untucked it so it wasn’t obvious he’s been unbuckling his belt and went to open the door.

The door opened to show Thor waiting there in front of him, biting on his lip and leaning on the doorway in a way that was a bit too overly nonchalant to be genuine.

“Bruce.” Thor’s eye looked straight into him. “I wanted to apologize for not being at dinner, I had to meet with the navigation team, but –“ he took a breath “- but I wanted to talk with you. About last night.”

“Sure,” Bruce said, waving Thor into his quarters, trying to hide the way that his stomach was doing backflips.

“I know I told you I had a good time. It seemed like you did too.” Bruce only wrung his hands and nervously nodded in response. “Good.” Thor tried to lean back on Bruce’s bookshelf, but the books slid and fell as he did so, and he scramble to stack them again. Is he nervous? Bruce wondered, unsure. “I had been thinking. As king, I have many duties; deciding on our future, negotiating trades when we have barely anything to give in exchange, making sure Loki doesn’t cause too much damage…” He trailed off, his eyes focusing on Bruce. “I’d be short on the truth if I said that it had not been weighing on me. But last night, I didn’t feel any of that.” Bruce felt his face heat, as Thor took a step towards him and brushed Bruce’s hand with his own. “I had wondered whether you would be interested in repeating the experience.”

The back of Bruce’s throat went dry, and he couldn’t speak. Yes, he thought, just agree. He took Thor’s hand as he tried to form an answer.

“Yeah, sure.” Bruce was halfway through cursing himself for giving such a short answer when Thor kissed him, not leaving any room in his brain to question himself.

The kiss was hungry, needy, like Thor had spent all day waiting for this. An arm snaked around Bruce’s back and something in him snapped, feeling the need to be as close to Thor as he possibly could be. He turned them around and pushed Thor against the edge of his bed.

“Thank you,” Thor managed to get out between kisses. He hiked his way up the bed, laying down and pulling Bruce on top of him. Bruce kissed him again, tongue playing against Thor’s own, letting his hand run its way down Thor’s body. When Bruce reached his thigh, Thor tipped his head back and moaned.

Given a moment to think, Bruce remembered he hadn’t given the best of responses.

“You know this is good for me too, right?” he reassured, breathless.

“Glad to hear it,” Thor responded, unbuttoning Bruce’s shirt as he spoke. “I wouldn’t ask anything of you that you don’t desire.” I do want this, Bruce thought as Thor pushed his shirt down his arms. I need this.

Once his chest was bare, Bruce kissed Thor again, pushing him down and slotting one of his legs between Thor’s. He was torn between wanting to be as close to Thor as possible and wanting to undress so that that could happen.

One of Thor’s hands raked his chest, the other reaching behind for his ass. The taste of Thor on his lips, the friction of Thor rubbing against his erection, the feel of his hands pulling him close, reminding him that he was desired every bit a much as he wanted Thor, it was almost overwhelming to Bruce, but too addictive to stop.

The hand on his chest lowered, reaching into his pants and Bruce nearly shouted. Don’t stop, god, keep going.

Bruce must have unwittingly vocalised his thoughts, because Thor responded.

“I don’t plan on stopping any time soon.” His voice was low. “But perhaps we should undress.”

Nodding, Bruce slipped his belt off and slid his pants down, while Thor did the same, taking a little while longer with his tunic. Bruce’s breath caught in his throat when he saw Thor bare. He tried to keep himself on track, focus on what would come next.

“Er, so what is it you want to do?” Bruce cringed as soon as the words were out of his mouth, but he had never gone so far with a man before and he didn’t know where to start.

“Whatever you want.” Anything. I’d want anything. Bruce grew harder at the thought, and he didn’t miss the way that Thor watched. “Although, perhaps you’d like for me to decide.” Bruce nodded. Thor guided Bruce on top of him again, legs open, either side of Bruce’s hips. “Do you like this?” he asked against Bruce’s ear. “Would you fuck me?”

“Yes.” Bruce’s reply was as sure as anything he’d said all day. God, yes. The feel of Thor’s legs around him, drawing him in was too delicious to refuse.

“Good.” Thor sounded relieved. “There’s some lube in my trouser pocket. I’m guessing – you said you hadn’t done this in years – that there’s no need for protection on your end?”

“That’s right,” Bruce replied, fishing around in the many pockets of Thor’s trousers trying to find the lube. He got there on his third try. “What about you?”

“I believe you were there for my last physical, doctor.” Something about the way Thor said his title renewed Bruce’s gratitude for his seven PhDs. “And there has been no one since Jane.”

“Right.” Bruce nodded.

“So…” Thor’s eyes were dark. “Shall we get started?”

Giving his reply in his actions, Bruce shuffled them both to the edge of the bed, so that he would have better access. He tore open the lube packet and watched Thor’s eyes follow him, hungry.

Thor sighed, canting his hips, waiting as Bruce spread the lube around his fingers. Legs were spread wide around his hips, and Bruce had to steady his breath as he trailed his fingers down to brush and delve into Thor’s hole.

“Bruce,” Thor breathed as Bruce pushed his way in. “More.”

Unsure of what to do, Bruce thought it best to follow Thor’s guidance, pushing in further. He would have found it difficult to ignore Thor’s request anyway, when he looked so good, sounded so desperate. Bruce started thrusting his finger in and out, tentative at first and then with more surety, emboldened by the sounds Thor was making. After a minute, he added another finger, and tried angling them to see whether it would elicit a different reaction.

“Yes,” Thor breathed as Bruce reached deeper, and Bruce tried to reach for the same spot again. The god’s head was thrown back, his muscles rippling as he moved in time with Bruce’s thrusting fingers. Once he’d gotten into more of a pattern, Bruce let his mind wander a little from the precision of his fingers. He let himself feel the pressure of Thor around his fingers, wonder how it would feel around his cock.

It was Bruce’s turn to let out a stream of profanities. God, I need him soon.

“Can I…?” He carried on with his ministrations as he asked.

“Please, Bruce. Now.”

Bruce couldn’t, would want to deny him. He reached back for the lube and prepared himself, trying not to worry about whether he’d be any good for Thor after ten years of abstinence. Seeming to sense part of what was in Bruce’s mind, Thor reached for his hand as he pushed in.

For a second, Bruce’s vision whited out, lost to pleasure. He could hear moans, couldn’t tell whether they were his or Thor’s. As his sight came back to him, he saw Thor, laid out, head thrown back fingers clutching at the sheets. I don’t know whether I’ll survive this, Bruce thought. The sight gave him nearly as much pleasure as the feeling.

“All good?” Bruce had to check.

Thor seemed too lost in feeling to answer. Instead, he tore one of his hands away from the sheets and clasped at Bruce’s ass, pulling him close. Bruce’s hips nearly buckled.

He began to thrust, drawing back and in again. With each movement, Bruce felt the pull of Thor’s hole tight around him, so good he couldn’t believe.

Maybe it was because he’d gone without for so long, or because Thor was his partner, but Bruce’s every feeling was amplified. Bruce could swear he could pinpoint each individual neuron firing, the electric impulses from his cock, his whole brain feeding him pleasure. He felt Thor’s hands, raking up his back, legs wrapped around his own, every possible bit of body language Thor could give to show how needy he was, how deep he needed to be filled.

The thought of a king, a god, open and wanting, just for him, would have usually confused Bruce, but there was no room for that in his head. He increased the pace of his thrusts, just wanting, needing to be in him more, be in him now.

Time passed - Bruce had no concept of how long – lost in a haze of push and pull, the slap of their bodies against one another, the heat of Thor’s body under his, around his. This feels so good. Why does he feel so good? He had no idea whether this was normal, to feel such heat and need and connection with someone you were only friends with benefits with, but right now it didn’t seem to matter; he was with Thor, in whatever capacity, and all he could think was that it felt right.

The sounds emanating from Thor’s mouth got louder as Bruce changed his angle.

“There, Bruce,” Thor pleaded. “Keep going!”

Bruce’s eyes snapped open at the command and he couldn’t look away. Thor’s pupil was blown, the other eye-socket sparking, the muscles in his arms moved every time he urged the two of them together. Lower, Thor’s cock, unattended to, was so hard it pointed to his chest, jogged with every thrust. Bruce wrapped a hand around it, jerking him off, liking the feel of it, loving the reaction it provoked.

Where he’d previously been able to give commands, Thor could barely get out a single word, entirely focused on taking all that Bruce would give.

Feeling himself begin to get overwhelmed, Bruce, unthinking, placed a kiss to Thor’s chest. He increased the pace with which he pulled Thor’s cock to match his thrusts, pumping into him.

“Bruce,” Thor begged, his voice uneven and suddenly he was coming, spurting from his cock, spilling onto his chest. He was clenching around Bruce, not just around his cock, but with his legs, holding him in and Bruce couldn’t keep control, so he let himself lose it.

“Thor.” He spoke the word like a prayer against Thor’s neck as he came, unloading himself into him, buried as deep as he could go. Still on his high, Bruce felt detached from reality, seeing stars and feeling only Thor.

When he came back to himself, Thor was sitting up, pulling him in for a kiss. Although they were still intertwined, the kiss was soft, tender, unexpectedly so.

Once Bruce had moved to get off of him, Thor got up and found a towel to clean them off.

“Thank you,” he said softly as he passed the towel to Bruce. “I hope you know I enjoyed that a great deal.”

“I could tell.” There was no point in lying. “I enjoyed it too.” Come on, you can compliment him better than that, Bruce mentally reprimanded himself.

“I could tell.” Thor didn’t look smug, he bit his lip and traced Bruce’s body. “We should do this again sometime. I best be leaving, I don’t want to disturb your sleep anymore than I already have.”

“You can stay if you like?” It was supposed to be an offer but it sounded like pleading. I slept better with you last night than I have in the ten years on my own.

“You wouldn’t mind?” Thor confirmed.

As response, Bruce just opened the sheets for the other side of the bed, inviting Thor in.

Bruce drifted off with a kiss placed softly below his ear.

#Hope you enjoy!#except you cam im begging please dont read this #thanks thor #thorbruce #bruce banner #thunderscience #thruce #gammahammer #my fic

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theresnosafeharbor4myships · 7 years

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Picture Perfect - Chapter 8 (also on 9L) (Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3)(Chapter 4) (Chapter 5&6) (Chapter 7)

Carol believed what he said; the desire in his eyes, the predatory stature of his body, and the heat in his tone all told her he meant business. But she knew too many downed drinks prevented him from stalking towards her and finding a solitary place to pleasure them both.

Without breaking his gaze, she set the flowers and the grapes on the table and took a small step back from him, her hand trailing along the table’s edge to guide her. “Come and get it,” she taunted.

He put the doll by the flowers, moving toward her slowly. Each step felt like walking through molasses, but he held on to the table, matching each of her backward steps with a forward one of his own.

“Still wanna play, huh?” he queried, amused with and wildly aroused by her seduction games.

He’d love her for so long, and watching her thrive made his heart bloom in his chest, causing a physical ache. She had hands like silk, smoldering bedroom eyes, searing kisses, and a lithe body made as his match, all which made loving her that much more erotic. But watching Carol flirt without reservation, with confidence and surety, owning her sexuality like an experienced vixen pursuing her prey made his head swim. She’d teased him before in the confines of their room, but this…brazen seductress retreating from him had stoked the fire to a raging inferno.

“Oh, yeah,” she breathed, still moving away from him.

He paused as she rounded the end of the table, watching her until she stood opposite him, the wide table, heavy with fruit, between them.

What was the saying…the closest distance between two points is a straight line?

To hell with it, he thought, then haphazardly shoved the food trays out of his way and hiked a knee up onto the table, praying it would hold.

“Daryl!”

Carol’s gasp reached his brain, and he saw her snatch a candelabra up from the end of the table near his head, flames licking close to his hair.

For a moment he felt airborne, like he’d jumped from a plane he didn’t know he was on. But then he leaned forward and his hands and knees made contact with the table and the world stopped spinning long enough for him to peer up at Carol’s startled but bemused face.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Shortcut to get to ya,” he managed to say before dropping his head for a moment to try to right the world.

“You know you don’t have to set yourself on fire to make me think you’re hot, right?”

“Wasn’t sure,” he quipped.

“Now that you are, you still comin’ for me?”

Damn, Carol did double entendres better than anyone he’d ever met. He wracked his brain for a witty comeback, but the organ didn’t seem to want to work.

“Maybe just...” He pushed more platters out of his way. “…give me a few minutes.” He dropped to his side and propped himself up with one arm, reaching for her free hand with the other. He looked at her, draped in shimmering royal blue, like a goddess come to life.

“World stops spinnin’ whena look at you,” he murmured.

She smiled, humoring his drunken stupor, but he couldn’t stop staring at her.

He’d seen her at her worst, bloody, covered in viscera, sweaty, unshowered for weeks and wearing clothes that didn’t fit. After the loss of children and homes, starving and sick, in heartache and self-hatred, cold, exhausted, and grouchy. And still he’d loved her so easily it confounded him, this woman who’d made him feel, for the first time in his life, like a man. Like a person. Who, despite his history, personality flaws, and the legacy of the Dixon name, had chosen him at the end of the world to share all of her final days with. Despite their lack of hygiene over the years, he’d always found her stunning: from her sparkling baby blues and the gentleness and strength of her hands to the way her mind strategized and how passionately she loved those she called family.

He only belonged to that family because of her, because she’d seen so much more in him than anyone ever had.

He owed her his life.

“Don’t just mean ‘cause I drank too much,” he confessed, his words slow. “I mean...all the time. I never lived so close ta so many people til everything happened. Didn’t know how. Didn’t even know who I was. World felt outta control Before, but…once it all happened, when Merle was gone an’…I was just spinnin’ my wheels, you made things make sense. Gave me a purpose. And friendship. Don’t know where I’d be withoutchoo.”

Drunk words are sober thoughts, she’d once read.

Her throat, thick with unshed tears, swelled, and she tried to swallow past the burgeoning emotion. So much time had passed, so many things had occurred, that they didn’t much talk of the Before any more, but the gratefulness, the tenderness of his tone caused a sweet ache in her chest.

Who’d have thought Daryl Dixon, the motorcycle-riding, crossbow-wielding, rough and dirty, don’t-touch-me redneck could spout words to rival one of the rom-coms she used to watch as a silly girl, praying for someone who could love her?

Blinking away tears, she leaned toward him and gave him a chaste kiss, all at once feeling a little guilty at having made him come to a party he had to get drunk at to have fun.

“Maybe sober. In bed.”

He snorted. “Passed out in the floor sounds more like me.”

“In the floor, huh?” She chuckled. “Then it’s good for both of us that I’m here.”

“Why you?”

“Because I’m not alone: in this world, at home, or at this party. I never knew what that was like til you.”

Though his eyes burned with fatigue, he stared at her, this woman who’d endured so much to stand before him tonight with fire in her hands and her eyes and her heart. “You’re stunning.”

“And you’re drunk.”

“But not blind. And not alone either. But as soon as I can get up, I’m takin’ you home so we can be alone together.”

“Yeah, I can see why you’d have a hard time getting it up right now,” she teased, treasuring the heavy moment that had passed between them in her heart, even as it drifted away.

“That’s what you think.”

“Ah-ah-ah,” she protested, holding the candelabra away from him and placing a hand against his chest as he started to get up to prove her wrong. “Stay put, Romeo. Give it a few minutes.”

“Been givin’ it a few minutes all night. You been tauntin’ and teasin’ and—”

“And you love it,” she countered confidently. “And you’re not going anywhere for a bit, so you might as well stay there and enjoy it.”

“Yes, your majesty,” he sassed.

She quirked an eyebrow, trying to hide a smile, then turned and leaned back against the table.

Only a handful of couples remained, and most of them seemed more drunk than Daryl. Someone—Carol couldn’t remember who, now—had suggested they hold on to their newly acquired stock of alcohol, but most everyone else had argued against it, knowing any day could be their last. Saving the best for later didn’t exist anymore since the best was whatever they had at moment and no one could promise them tomorrow.

Gratitude filled her at the joy she’d experienced this evening. Watching her friends smile and laugh, the women dressing up like in the good old days of Before, giving them a boost of confidence, watching Daryl let his inhibitions go and trust her to take care of him, seeing herself fancied up in a way she never had, letting the hungry vixen in her have free reign instead of caging her in shame and embarrassment. It felt dangerous and fun, and the fact that Daryl responded so easily—to her touches and teases, her double entendres and innuendos—she wondered why she’d never allowed this side of her out to play before.

That would have to change.

Daryl’s hand, hot against her even through her dress, trailed down her back and rested on the curve of her butt. “’Cha thinkin’bout?”

She peered at him over her shoulder, smiling. “Tonight. You, me, us.”

“Good, huh?” he leered at her, sliding his hand back and forth along her lower back. “But gonna get better.”

“We still gotta get you home.”

“You still gotta dance for me.”

She turned away from him, hiding a smile. Holding the candelabra up and focusing on the candle light, she wriggled her hips playfully, fire before her, the intensity of his gaze behind her. But without a partner, bopping to the music fell flat, and she stopped after a couple of seconds.

“That’s it?” he asked, incredulous.

“Did I promise more?”

“More or less.” He reached for something on the table behind her, then produced an unopened bottle of champagne. “Guess someone lost this. Pity.” He held it up to her. “Liquid courage?”

Her head didn’t feel like cotton anymore, but it still buzzed. “Think I’ve had enough.”

“Let’s see it then,” he encouraged with a nod.

“See what?” she asked innocently.

He mock-glared at her. “Your moves.”

“Been showing you my moves all night. Haven’t you been paying attention?”

Her faux exasperation tickled him, but he wanted dancing. “Oh, I been payin’ attention,” he confirmed. “Slidin’ your hands all over me where no one can see, under tables and durin’ pictures—”

“Which I want to see, by the way,” she interjected as though they talked of the weather.

“Kissin’ and teasin and pressin’ up against me all soft and hot. Playin’ innocent in front’a everyone and wildcat in my ear, whisperin’ and makin’ me so hot I’m ready to beg.”

Her cheeks flamed as he recounted the temptress she’d played tonight, his voice dropping lower and sending an aching need thrumming through her body.

“Seductive and sexy and makin’ me so bothered I’m gonna use my mouth to—”

“Shhhh,” she interrupted again, this time pressing a finger to his lips.

He noted the red tinge of her cheeks, her embarrassment evident, and his heart fell that he’d unintentionally caused her shame when he’d only meant to compliment her.

He flicked his tongue out against her finger, and her eyes snapped to his. He moved his head, enveloping the tip of her finger with his mouth and sucking lightly as she withdrew it.

“Sexy as hell. Don’t stop,” he entreated. “Never seen you like this, and I don’t want it to end.”

Even if it was the longest session of foreplay he’d ever indulged in.

Carol swallowed hard, determined to hold on to the confidence, the power she’d felt all night.

“I’ll just…” He looked down at the fruit surrounding him and picked up a peach. “…watch you ‘n keep my mouth shut.” He held the peach to his lips, nibbling at it slowly as he caressed her with his eyes.

Carol set the candelabra far away from him, grabbed the champagne bottle out of his hand, twisted the wire cage, and popped the lid off. Holding his gaze, she took a slow pull from the bottle, then another, and handed it back to him.

She stared at him for a moment, letting the sparkling drink wash through her, the music pulse in her veins, the beat take over her body. Then she closed her eyes, imagined he stood with her, and moved her body, undulated her hips, shimmied her shoulders, let her body flow with the sounds around her and the feelings he evoked in her and the daring notion that he lay just behind her, splayed out like so much tempting fruit, as she danced just for him.

#caryl #carol x daryl #daryl x carol #caryl fanfiction #caryl fanfic #caryl fan fic #caryl fan fiction #my writing #personal

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initiala · 7 years

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Dark Horse - Chapter 21 - COMMENTARY (2/3)

Part 2 of 3 of @yayimallamaagain’s request for commentary on Dark Horse.

Killian's phone starts to buzz just as the receptionist calls his name. He digs it out as he stands - Will's the only one who knows he's got these appointments and Will's the only one who call him these days, so Killian's half-thinking the shedrow's burning to the ground as he flips his phone open to check. Instead, his stomach swoops as he sees it's not Will calling, but Emma.

Ah yes, this is when Killian has started therapy! Surprise surprise, this came to me only slightly before I started grad school. I’d actually written a bit before starting classes, and had a lot of panic once I started learning about how to be a counselor and realized there were some discrepancies in how Tink conducted sessions versus how she should have in best practices. But later it did come down to “once you know the rules you can start breaking them a little” and that’s where Tink is. I think. Also fiction.

The receptionist calls for him again and Killian hastily shoves his phone back into his pocket, following her down the hall.

Why would Emma be calling? He mutters a distracted hello to Tink as he takes a seat. He and Emma haven't spoken in a few weeks, and as far as he's aware nothing of grave importance has befallen anyone. It's not as if he's unhappy that she's tried to reach him, but he's not particularly glad of it at the moment either. But that's Emma - never leaving him on sure footing with her. Perhaps it's a timing issue or it's that he's still sore from her brutal brush-off from their last encounter.

Surprise, a lot of readers were on Killian’s side of things while all this was going down. As a writer, it was both irritating and interesting to see the woobiefication happening in real time, with many readers completely disregarding Emma’s completely valid feelings in favor of her just sucking it up to stop making him sad. That was Emma’s path to take in this story – she had to come to terms with her feelings, come to terms with everything that had happened to her in the past and reconcile with the present, and come to him on her own time and with sure footing. Killian, meanwhile, had his own shit to sort out before he could be in a healthy, adult relationship, which is where we’re going now.

Killian blinks, suddenly aware that he's been sitting in Tink's office for several minutes without speaking. She's sitting in her chair, watching him expectantly. "Sorry," he mumbles, shifting a little in his seat.

"You were quite lost in there for a bit," Tink observes.

She doesn't ask, but her tone indicates that he should talk about it. He swallows, not sure if he's ready to fully divulge things; but while his broken heart has been mending it still aches at times. And he has been sitting here in silence for far longer than is appropriate. "I was… I was thinking about Swan," he says after a moment.

Tink tilts her head, considering him as she twirls her pen between her fingers. "Ah, the mysterious Swan again."

He's only mentioned Emma once - well, twice in one session - so he hardly thinks this is an 'ah, her again' moment. But he did ask for time and he supposes if she's distracting him enough with just one phone call, it's a good a sign as any to discuss her now. "Swan is a woman," Killian tells Tink. She doesn't say anything while he ponders his next words, simply waits for him to gather his thoughts. "It was… Emma was a breath of fresh air. She's a quick lass, smart as a whip, beautiful, the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met."

"And it ended."

It's not a question, but he nods anyway. "Badly. We… I said things I shouldn't have. I was angry, but I let it take over my rational senses, let the fact that I was ill stand as a poor excuse for poorer behavior."

"But were they true?"

He looks up. Tink's leaning on her knees, peering at him in that perceptive way that's becoming familiar. He swallows, then nods. "Aye. They were unkind, but that doesn't make them any less true."

She nods. "And do you regret them?"

Killian opens his mouth to say yes, then pauses. Does he truly regret what he said? He regrets that his words and actions pushed her away. He regrets that he tried to keep her there by laying his heart on the line, a last-ditch effort, a plea to her kind heart. It's no one's fault but his own that she ran for the hills. One corner of his mouth lifts. "Can I say I regret the manner in which they were said, but not the facts within them?"

Tink shrugs. "You can say whatever you like as long as it's the truth. And that's perfectly reasonable. You're not the first or last person whose relationship ended because of bad timing or lack of communication."

This!!!!!!! Conversation!!!!! God I forgot about this, but it was so cathartic to write!! A big thing in the first part of their relationship was just how bad they were at communication, both of them way too guarded and walled off from each other to actually be healthy and functioning. The fight that ended their dalliance really didn’t have to be a fight – if it had happened at a different time and with less fighting and more frank discussion. But Emma really wasn’t ready for that, and Killian was way too ready for that, so now we get to the point where they find their way to more even ground. Killian has to slow his roll and Emma needs to make peace with a lot of her past.

Most people who've had the pleasure of his acquaintance would not say that Killian Jones lacks in communicative abilities, but he has a hunch that Tink isn't implying he's not verbose.

And she would be correct.

"She left. She had every right to, I was a right bastard to her."

Tink sits back, writing something down. "Normally, I don't put much stock in self-loathing men who feel they deserve every blow given to them," she says, and his eyebrows go up. "But there's this saying: drunk words are sober thoughts. You said whatever it is you said because you weren't in your right of mind and weren't in full control of yourself - it doesn't mean you weren't already thinking them. And that's a sign that you should have probably opened up with these thoughts earlier."

“Drunk words are sober thoughts.” I had a boyfriend who claimed this was true because he thought it was funny, but it’s quite true in reality. It’s largely what ended that particular relationship. But in this case, yes, lowered inhibitions and filters means stuff just comes out, and the stuff here was hurtful. Filters would have helped to lessen the blow, but the intent was there all the same.

Killian leans back, tossing his arm over the back of the chair. He doesn't know how to explain the relationship he and Emma had shared, how so many things had been off the table for discussion for so long. He's starting to realize how little they really had shared - mostly their bodies, only a little of their lives. Part of him knew that, the part that wanted her to make a decision and fully be with him or not, but the truth was that he hadn't given it the full weight of thought it deserved. He'd lashed out, hurt that Emma had left him at such a critical moment, but now he's starting to wonder if there was more to it than just a lack of love. He'd realized back in the spring that there was a lot more to her than met the eye, but he'd lost sight of it somewhere along the way.

She had her reasons for her actions. She'd never explained, and he hadn't asked - not really, not as fully as he could have, too afraid of her pushing him away if he probed too deeply.

Now look where that had gotten them.

Killian shakes his head. "Direct little thing, aren't you?"

She beams. "It's what you pay me for. Now, why bring her up today? You implied it would take some time before you were ready to discuss her."

"She called, just as you were ready to see me. No clue why." He sighs, scrubbing his face with his hand.

"If things ended badly between you two, it seems to me like she would only call for something important. Nothing of the sort comes to mind?"

Killian frowns. Henry… Would she call about Henry? He's inclined to think that any updates about the boy would come from his mother. And during their last conversation, Regina had given him the impression that she and Emma were on the same page about Henry now, so he's not sure if that would be the case. "I don't know, truly," he says finally.

However… It makes his chest ache to remember it, but this is supposed to help that, after all. "Something else, though, with Emma... It's been bothering me. Last day of the season at the Downs was Saturday, right? There's paperwork we have to turn in at the main offices in the grandstand, so there's me and every other eejit standing around like bumps on a log. Then she comes down from her high palace in broadcasting, her and the Adgarssen sisters, and quick as you please they're darting through the lot of us and talking about going down to Boston. And Emma, she says something about dating."

Tink raises an eyebrow. "And this bothers you."

Killian's temper sparks at her tone, as if she's almost bored with such an observation, and he fights not to grind his teeth together. A little over a week or so until they can declare him fit enough to take all these bloody wires out of his mouth, he doesn't want to muck it up. Tink notices his clenched fist, (or perhaps the color he can feel rushing into his cheeks and ears), raising the other eyebrow and giving him a look of reproach. "Mr. Jones, we're going to have a very long discussion about your temper one of these days. I'm merely curious as to why a woman - whom you are no longer in a relationship with and can make her own choices - making a general statement about dating that is not to you but rather within earshot should bother you."

It takes all of his willpower not to shout because I'm still in love with her! It's pathetic, he knows it's pathetic, he doesn't need Tink to remind him. His eejit bleeding heart just won't give up on her, despite the hell they've been though - he's been through. And he knows that Tink is right: he and Emma aren't together, she can do as she damn well pleases.

She has her reasons.

But just because he knows Tink's right doesn't mean he has to be particularly pleased about it.

But Emma calling him out of the blue… There had to be a reason. You don't know why she would do such a thing, he tells himself. If nothing else comes of today, he's figured out that he really doesn't know Emma as well as he thought he did. He can talk himself in circles about it and it would get him nowhere. So instead he sits in silence, scowling at the table for the rest of their time together, listening to Tink's pen scratching against the notebook as she writes.

So therapy in fics isn’t really done, and I know it’s because it can be tedious and boring and a lot of people frankly can’t write that kind of thing, but honestly as much as I know it grated on some people I really did like going this route. It’s different. Sometimes you need to talk at someone or something to figure out your own shit and this was a fun way of doing it.

Will's truck is still parked over in the yard when Killian gets home. His first thought is concern - Will's not one to work overtime if he can help it - but then he notes Belle's car is in the yard as well. She must have come in to work on one of the horses; possibly Scarlet's stayed behind to assist her.

Ah, this is kind of the start of something between Will and Belle. Like, not really, because she’s still married, but this is around when I started to hint at some Scarlett Beauty beginning in the background. He’s a good egg, Will, and genuinely their friendship is dear to me, but he also is like ‘well bugger me, I actually am starting to like this lass as more than a friend’.

Killian leaves them to it - they know where to find him if they need him for something. He walks up the lawn to the house, the frosted grass crunching under his boots. His phone sits heavily in his pocket as he tromps up the porch stairs, Emma's phone call weighing just as heavily on his mind as he unlocks the door and heads into his kitchen. Si trots in, yowling for her dinner and twining around his legs as he shucks his coat off. "Step off a chroí, let me remove me boots. Where's your sister?"

Am has been snubbing him for the last few weeks, hiding under something whenever he comes into the room or outright ignoring him altogether. She has her temperamental moments, though, and hasn't put much thought into it. Si just bats at his bootlaces as he unties them, the prick of her claws against his fingers not fazing him in the least. "You're being a nuisance, sweetheart," Killian murmurs. She headbutts his hand affectionately, chattering at him.

I still have a chuckle at every single review that was like HOW DID IT TAKE ME THIS LONG TO REALIZE THESE WERE THE CATS FROM LADY AND THE TRAMP!!!! A few were like ‘why are the cats named ‘yes’ and ‘ante meridiem’???’ and then they’d get it later. Anyway, idc what Colin says, Killian is a cat person. Also Am definitely likes Emma more.

He scratches under her chin the way she likes, smiling at the way she closes her eyes and bares her fangs as she tilts her head to allow him to reach her favorite spot. "Spoiled cat," he mutters, straightening and going for their food dishes.

Si practically sits on his feet as he refills the bowls, being as in the way as she possibly can. Am is nowhere in sight, not even after he rattles the bowls to call her. She'll turn up, he thinks, setting both bowls down and grabbing the water dish to refill it.

~cats~

He thinks longingly of real, solid food as he makes himself another protein shake. Will's brought him all sorts of flavors, but they all taste like chalk. Belle had introduced him to blending everything into a strange sort of shake; but though he understood it likely looked that way in his stomach, something about a steak-and-potato-and-green-beans milkshake made his stomach roll. "Should try it with pizza and a beer," Will had quipped. Belle had backhanded him in the chest for that.

One of my cousins has had his jaw wired shut on three separate occasions and every time he talks about his everything-smoothies I get green around the gills.

He leaves the television on for noise, flopping back on the couch and digging his phone out of his pocket. He flips it open, staring at the missed call and voicemail notifications as he begrudgingly sucks down his shake.

What could Emma want?

He hits the voicemail button as the tell-tale sound of claws on the back of the couch signals one of the cats scaling it. Si settles herself in on the top, giving herself a post-dinner wash while Killian listens to Emma's message: "Killian - hi, it's uh, it's me. Emma? That's dumb, sorry, you probably already know it's me. Unless you deleted my number, and I get it if you did - wait, shit, sorry, let me try this again. Hi. I was hoping you'd - I wanted to know if you wanted to meet up. To talk? Because last time wasn't - I really couldn't -" She sighs exasperatedly and Killian finds himself smiling. "Okay, look, if you want to make plans to meet or whatever, just call me back. I'll try not to be a bitch this time. Sorry. Bye."

Attagirl, Emma, right to the point.

His first thought is that she sounded slightly inebriated. Given that it was well into the afternoon when she'd called, he's a bit concerned - hypocritically - that she was imbibing so early. Something must have happened - or she couldn't face the idea of contacting him without some liquid courage.

He's not sure he likes that she would feel the need to be drunk to talk to him, that she might be nervous enough about how he would react that she needs something to soften the blow. He lets his phone fall to the side as he drags his hand down his face, loathing the things he said to her that made her so skittish of him. It's his own fault.

But then Tink's words from earlier come back to him: drunk words are sober thoughts.

Where he had been weak, allowing himself to speak the truth so cruelly, perhaps Emma is gathering strength. She's guarded, her armor and her walls thick and impenetrable; but perhaps in this way she's letting him in, allowing herself to be vulnerable though she's scared to.

I have a lot of thoughts about Emma and vulnerability, but we’ll be here all evening and I have things I have to go do. For a summation of my thoughts, watch any interview JMO has given about Emma and being a complex character.

Si chirrups and a weight lands on his legs. Killian looks down; to his surprise, it's Am, her tail flicking as she kneads his jeans before settling herself on his legs. "Are you speaking to me again, then?" he asks mildly. He reaches for her, but she growls a bit, her ears flattening back. "Apparently not," Killian grumbles.

Am stares at him almost disdainfully, the tip of her tail still flicking in annoyance. Not to be outdone, Si chirrups again and stretches her way down the couch, paying Killian no mind as she curls up on his chest. He sighs, petting her; she starts to purr as he thinks. The fantastical part of him wonders if Am is annoyed with him because Emma isn't around anymore - she'd rather adopted Emma as 'her' human, and her little attitude problem had only begun in the last month or so.

His cats are having themselves a snooze and his shake is long gone by the time he makes up his mind. Si trills in surprise when he moves, shifting to fish out his phone from where it had slipped down into the couch. It's not all that late, so he doesn't feel guilty as he calls Emma back - he feels nervous, yes, but not guilty. His heart leaps into his chest when he hears her voice. "Hello?"

"Emma, it's me. You, ah, said something about wanting to meet?"

Stick around for part 3!

#captain swan #cs ff #captain swan ff #cs fic #cs mc au #dark horse #dark horse commentary

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thistherapylife · 7 years

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So I think it was you (I follow a couple therapy blogs) that mentioned they won't see any patients while they're in an altered state (non-prescribed drugs, alcohol, etc) for ethical reasons. Can you explain the reasons for that (is it, patients might not have their proper boundaries and do things they'll regret in session, or what?) and is there a hard line or a bit of a judgment call (if I fuck up and forget I have an appointment and have a beer before going, do they have to send me home)?

There was a delay in answering this because I had to pull out my law and ethics textbook and poll some of my therapist friends. Because this had been part of my licensing exam and I was looking for justification. See this is why I love getting these asks - it keeps me sharp. Not seeing intoxicated clients happens for a lot of reasons and I’ll go through them.

1) It’s a judgement call. Usually. If you are working for agency or a hospital (like me), then you may be bound by the rule of the agency or hospital. Because we work primarily with minors, we are not allowed to see intoxicated clients. Have I probably had a session with a kid who smokes weed before school when I’ve seen them at lunch? Yeah sure - but I’ve been seeing most of my caseload at the agency for a while so they will tell me even though they know I will stop the session. So because of where I work, I don’t have the wiggle room I have in private practice.

2) It is unethical to do therapy with someone who can’t consent, barring emergency, lifesaving treatment. So if you show up to therapy off your tits drunk or high as a kite - you aren’t really consenting to therapy because you aren’t able to consent period. Just before we have gotten informed consent in prior sessions - it’s not consent forever. One of my therapist friends who I think is a total baller said, “A lot of therapy is about intention and accountability. I think if someone is so intoxicated they can’t be intentional or accountable - or they’re avoiding those two things through their intoxication - that’s a problem. Even if it helps with disclosure, that disclosure needs to be intentional and accountable, or you have little basis to move forward.” And I 100% agree. She summed up my thoughts pretty perfectly. Disclosure that you can only share when you are really drunk means that the therapist needs to work on the safety of the room and relationship and have patience.

3) It can be physical safety concern if you are visibly intoxicated. What is this person like when they are drunk? Are they going to get angry and put themselves or me in danger? Another colleague spoke about a client who would consistently attempt to run through traffic when intoxicated. So that’s dangerous. Are you so drunk you are going to lose consciousness? Throw up and choke? Will we have to call 911 because you’ve stripped to your undies and are throwing chairs in the lobby? All of those actions have consequences that could take weeks or months to sort out. You are just unpredictable when you are intoxicated and your reaction may change. It’s also a physical safety concern for us. Clients experience maternal/paternal transference as well as erotic transference. With erotic transference, alcohol may lower a client’s inhibitions and they may try to touch/kiss/etc (a colleague I trust had this happen to him - he was an agency in a group office setting so he was able to get out but it effectively ended the therapy between the two. The client was enraged that he refused her sexual overtures and he was worried about being sued.) Each therapist has their own history and aggressive or sexualized behavior may not bother them. But it would bother some of us.

4) Substances can make you more emotionally volatile too. Reactions can be bigger and more intense which if you are dealing with someone who is suicidal or at risk in other ways is a problem. If you are in a group setting, you could be triggering other clients struggling with either sobriety or recovery from trauma inflicted by another while drunk.

5) Seeing intoxicated clients is an enormous liability issue. Therapy on the therapist’s side isn’t just about the relationship with client and all that good stuff - it’s also about managing risk. You want to protect yourself in your records and because of the issues mentioned above you could be putting your license at risk. If they can’t remember the session and are assault after session, that puts in you a bad position. And like I love my clients but I need my license to make a living and still owe a fuckton of loans so I’m not going to risk it.

6) In some states, if you are too intoxicated to drive but have driven to therapy, your therapist may be required to report you the police if you are planning to get back into your car (due to credible harm to other). I am really uncomfortable with this but that’s the state law where I live and I think it’s kinda gross. I would rather lyft/taxi the client home and pro-rate the fee to them.

Lastly - The consensus from people I know who work in recovery, addiction or chronically homeless population is in favor of seeing people when they are intoxicated provided they are with it enough to understand what’s going on. In some programs and community mental health settings, refusing to work with intoxicated people would have resulted in many people not being served. Another friend stated that “Also, everyone is stoned CONSTANTLY in post-2015 Washington. So there’s that too.” Which should also be considered.

I’m not touching on deliberate, planned intoxication - because that is something very different. There is some great PTSD trials right now regarding a day long therapy with a client who takes drugs (I want to say it was ecstasy) in your presence and then you go at the hard stuff.

TLDR; if you have a beer before therapy, it’ll probably be fine as long as your therapist/agency doesn’t have a 24 hours prior sobriety clause in the informed consent. If you are worried, find out where your therapist stands. Talk about it.

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anothergirlrecovering · 7 years

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Lynn 35

I sat down on Lynn’s couch and stretched my arms. Lynn pointed out that I looked really tired and asked if I was sleeping OK. I jokingly said thanks Lynn I’m not tired but I appreciate the feedback. She laughed and said that it just looked like I was tired and she didn’t mean anything by it, to which I explained that I had food poisoning him yesterday. I didn’t feel like telling her that it was actually a stomach bug just because I figured that would indicate that I was contagious and I didn’t want her to be mad about me coming even though realistically I know that I don’t know whether or not it was food poisoning or a stomach virus. She asked me what had happened and I explained that my husband and I had hibachi the night before and he had gotten sick right away and I didn’t and I had thought he had gotten sick from over eating and I ended up eating ice cream after which I’m allergic to and that I woke up that morning really sick to my stomach. I told her that I was feeling better today and had actually called out sick this morning just so that I could sleep in and said that it was self-care. She said good for me I’m using that good self-care.

She asked how my week was, and I said that it was hitter mess because I have been sick all of yesterday but that The other days have been OK. I told her that I have been really frustrated with feeling that people notice how anxious I am, and I explained have a little boy that I work with had pointed out that he had drawn someone biting their nails because they were nervous like I am. I explained that I have tried everything to stop biting my nails, and that all growing up my parents always yelled at me and tried the bite no more nail polish and tried the hot sauce and nothing ever worked. I explained that I think my nailbiting is more of an OCD pattern then an anxiety thing because I bite my nails all the time, not even just when I’m anxious. She talked about using the detour EMD our technique or something like that after we have finished processing all the other stuff just to deal with the residual anxiety that’s coming out in my nailbiting. She talked about how OCD is difficult to treat and that she had learned more about that type of EMD ER during a specific training on OCD and that she would be willing to try it with me. She said how OCD is very difficult to treat in general and she wasn’t sure whether or not I had found anything that really works for it. I laughed and said that it would be a good challenge for her, and she agreed that I would definitely be a challenge but that we could absolutely go there. She pointed out that she wouldn’t have viewed me as being super anxious, though she knows that I obviously struggle with a lot of internal anxiety. She laughed and said I’m definitely not the most anxious client she has ever worked with and I jokingly said thanks Lynn. She compared it to another client of hers that was so anxious that they couldn’t pick up their kids from school and they figured out that if they took a special item with them then they weren’t as anxious but that this mother really struggled with driving in with getting her kid in that for a long time they really struggle to figure out where that anxiety was coming from but it was affecting her day-to-day functioning. I agreed that I was definitely glad that while I am a very anxious person, it doesn’t stop me from doing normal every day things that I need to do.

I told her about my trip to Ohio, i’m home my husband have been super validating when I was freaking out and crying in the airport. I explained how it seems like he is really trying and has been doing really awesome at validating me lately and I’m not really sure why. She pointed out that something must be working. And I told her how Sandy and I have been able to have a conversation in the car and that Sandy is not mad at me and hasn’t been. I told her about how we were able to talk about how we are both adults and much more mature now and that neither of us were really good at communicating about our feelings back in college and that we both struggled to talk about when things were going wrong. I explained how Sandy had said that she realized that she has been terrible with keeping in touch with people and that she didn’t really deal with her parents being crazy very well. I told her that I was really glad the bridal shower had gone over so well and then I had really clicked with autumn. I told her about the bachelorette party and how I had really felt like my mommy problems were coming out and that I was being clingy and meaty about autumn. She explained that she thinks that while that may have been my perspective, autumn probably did not think that at all. She explained that realistically autumn probably just saw it as we were all drinking and when people drink their inhibitions are lowered and they usually get more friendly and you were just a drunk person saying that you were glad to have met and wanted to be friends and drunk people say things like that and it’s not weird. She pointed out that me thinking that was my mommy issues was an echo from the past and that she thinks the more I begin to have adult experiences or I can look back and recognize that they are normal and not something that I making it out to be, it will help me to let go of some of that echo from the past. I mention that on a similar sidenote I have a hard time in general feeling like I’m an adult and I mentioned that Dixie had asked me to lead the recovery group and then I had written back and ask if she had meant to text me because I thought surely I’m not qualified or competent to lead the group even though I know it’s really not a big deal.

I told her about how the bachelorette party had gone, which was where the mommy issues came up with autumn, and how she had been so kind to me about me being anxious during that game. I told her about how I had ended up drinking more different types of alcohol that I had really planned for and that I think that was why I got so sick. I explained that I had woken up and asked the group if anyone else had a headache and then I was the only one with a headache and then I had to eat Lucky charms for breakfast and while that wasnt ideal I had thought it would be OK but when I got upstairs I had that wave of nausea head and I knew I was going to be sick. She pointed out that sometimes eating actually makes you feel a lot better, to which I said I didn’t think Lucky charms was my best option. She laughed and said it definitely would not have been her first choice but that I should’ve gone with a greasy burger because that’s what always works for her LOL and that shots will definitely make you sick and she thinks that was the culprit. I explained that when I researched it that the whole greasy food things is just a myth and she laughed and said it always works for her because it absorbs the alcohol, to which I explained that eating greasy foods can help absorb the alcohol if you eat the greasy foods while drinking, but if you’ve already slept on it the alcohol has already been absorbed so the greasy food doesn’t do anything for you and can make you feel more sick. She said whatever the case greasy foods like Burgers always makes me feel better and I laughed and said that my husband’s favorite hangover food is Chick-fil-A and he swears by it. She said she could see were Chick-fil-A would also work but that I should’ve tried something greasy LOL. I explained that greasy food on a sober stomach usually makes me sick but whatever the case I had Lucky charms and I ended up sitting on the bathroom floor in the hotel lobby crying and feeling anxious because even though I know the intention behind making myself throw up because I’m feeling sick is very different than making myself throw up to avoid my motions, it is still the same action. I explained that I was really afraid that I’ll be triggered positively in wanting to start doing it again and that I would feel that good release emotionally from doing it. I told her that I had texted my husband and also texted the group of girls I have been in treatment with that that nobody was awake or answered and so I ultimately made the decision on my own and decided to do it and thankfully wasn’t sure going in the moment because throwing up Lucky charms when you’re hung over is not nearly as good of a time as when you are purging a bowl of ice cream because you’re sad. She seemed to understand where the anxiety was coming from and said that it sounded like I had a really good weekend and that I handled it all really well. She pointed out that it was good that I didn’t really know what to do because that says that this is in a common occurrence for me, and I was like yeah I know ever since that one time in college or I drink almost 2 L worth of red wine and got so sick and was puking all over myself and all over the couch and all over the floor and drove to work tipsy and with puke in my hair and threw up all over the work sink and had to go home, I have watched my limits LOL.

She asked me where I wanted to start working this week and I said I wasn’t sure, but that the biggest thing that has bothered me was just that feeling of me being clingy and needy with autumn. She pointed out that again it was a totally normal experience and that it wasn’t like I was continuing to think about her all the time and trying to plan a way for me to move out there and go visit her all the time and continue to talk to her all the time. I laughed and said I’m not crazy like that, and she said exactly exactly so notice that you’re not crazy and you’re not trying to do anything like that. I said I guess she was right but that overwhelming feeling of I’m too needy has been bothering me. She said we would go with that and she handed me the tappers. Before actually starting she said that she had a frozen shoulder and so if she is moving slowly or weird that’s why. I told her she could try acupuncture if it doesn’t improve and she said she has thought about it and we’ll see how physical therapy goes..

I noticed that I just feel so clingy and needy and that when I was younger I hadn’t realized how clean and needy I was being and it was more like I looked back and realized that my cleaning behavior was what drove people away and that now I’m sort of taking this opposite approach where I’m so fearful of intimacy and connection and I guess realistically it feels like a control thing because I keep everyone at arms length and leave so that they can’t leave me. I noticed that it feels like being a little kid with attachment issues are and I’ll hurt you before you hurt me in that I guess I’ve kind of swung from this opposite pendulum of being overly clingy and desperate for attention to being fearful and running when people get close. I pointed out that my friend from work Andrea and I were getting close and then she got a boyfriend and I panicked and I stop talking to her because I was afraid that she was going to talk to me less because should be talking to him more and I know that that’s crazy and not helpful but it happened. I noticed that when I was younger I was very controlling and a lot of my relationships and I remembered how controlling I was over my best friend Michelle and that it was so controlling to the point where if we got into a fight or something I would never apologize first and I would wait until she came back groveling and crying and apologizing to me and how there was one time where we had a fight about the fact that she took a piece of gum from my bedroom without asking and that we used to kind of joke about how I had completely lost my shit about the stupid piece of gum but I think now I can look back and see why taking a piece of my gum made me lose my shit because of my issues with food. I noticed that when I came to relationships with people that I wanted to care about me, I had no sense of control and I did the only thing I knew how to which was become really clingy and try to be like a teachers pet and do whatever I could to make them like me. I noticed that I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t really had those desperately behaviors with my mom but that I had it with other people and I remember wanting other women to spend time with me like Michelle’s mom. I noticed that maybe it was because I’ve always known that my mom didn’t really want to spend time with me and then I always felt like I was doing something wrong, like I remembered when I had laid my Head on my mom’s lap while we were watching TV and she pushed me away and said it was too hot but then she picked up my brother who is just a toddler and cuddled with him which would’ve been just as warm if not warmer, and then I remember her being live in when I had put my brother in the dog cage which when I think about it now he was probably like five and he wasn’t crying or freaking out but that she had ripped me apart. When pointed out that it seemed like just normal kid behavior and then I have probably thought it was funny in that little kids do things like that. I noticed that I was kind of fresh as a kid and I told her about how when my dad went to spank me I had told him that kids at school said they hated their parents and right now I was one of them and how I had told my brother that I didn’t love him and he started crying after I have embarrassed him at the Home Depot in town when my mom went to spank me I remember telling her that it didn’t even hurt and of course she spent me again until it hurt and then I remember when she would make me write sentences and I remember sitting there and thinking that I actually really liked sentences and she was stupid for that and now I realize that’s probably more of that OCD repetitious type of thinking because I love any sort of mindless repetitive task even now, and I said I wasn’t sure why all of that was coming up. She said to be curious and just notice and I pointed out that maybe it was because part of me realizes that maybe I wasn’t as bad of a kid as they make me out to be and that realistically when I look back I really didn’t do anything all that bad because my report cards always said that I talked to much in class but it wasn’t anything extreme and really the worst thing that I did was that I had forged my moms name on a signature because I wanted to get an ice cream party for turning in all of my assignments for the month but that I had always tried so hard and I would always forget things and get holes punched in my card and the one month when I had finally did it, he said the only thing he needed from us was our signed agenda books and I had forge my mom signature because I was so desperate to get the ice cream party, which again throws the food issue into things. She told me to just noticed that, that I wasn’t as bad of a kid as they made me out to be. I noticed that maybe if they had disciplined me differently, then I would’ve behaved differently. She pointed out that there was always that power struggle that they were engaging in, which as a therapist I know now only further creates a power struggle. I pointed out that not only was it the power struggle as much as it was just always sending me off to my room to deal with things on my own. She pointed out that with the power struggle came me trying to fight back against them and to notice that I don’t have to fight anymore. I noticed that when I tried fighting and didn’t have a voice eventually there came a point when I wasn’t able to keep fighting and eventually I started fighting against myself in 12th grade. Then I noticed that I didn’t really start fighting myself and 12 grade, but it was in college when I remember going to the bathroom and being so so angry at myself for gaining weight my first semester and this was before my parents had even sent anything to me about my weight gain but that I have been so angry at myself for gaining weight even though I know that at 5 foot nine, 149 pounds is not fat, it felt that way at the time and I remember carving the word fat on to my stomach with a razor. I noticed that that was the point when I started to turn on myself and that before that I was more angry that I couldn’t do anything and I still felt really sad that I was hurting myself because I remember when James had written on the whiteboard that he wished his lawn was emo so it would cut itself and I remember when Jaden had jokingly, in Bible class asked if I needed to see a counselor and that I knew that everyone was just kidding because nobody really thought I had sincerely cut my wrist because they all believed the lie that I had done it on the fence at softball but that I remember feeling really sad that I was hurting myself at the time and not nearly as angry at myself as much as I was just really sad that it was the only way I knew to feel better. She asked me to notice that I’m an adult and then I don’t have to fight against my parents anymore, and I noticed that it wasn’t really fighting against them anyway because I don’t keep in touch with them enough to deal with them but that it was a fight against the things that I can’t control like how my student loans the other day charged me $800 and it was an error on their part and that the old me would have lost my fucking mind and purged but me right now just went on with my day and call the loan company and then went to the bank and had it corrected. She pointed out to notice that I don’t have to keep fighting it and with my parents to notice why I don’t have to keep fighting them and their comments about my weight or the food I eat, and I was honestly surprised because the thought that popped into my head was that I don’t have to fight against my parents anymore because I’m not fat right now and there’s a part of me that feels like if I was fat I would have to fight it and then I don’t know that I would be OK with gaining weight and that realistically I know that I weighed myself this morning after the food poisoning and saw that I had lost 3 pounds and I liked that I felt skinny even though I know that’s not a good thing and I’m not going to do anything about it and I’m not going to try to keep the weight off or lose anymore and I’m not going to start obsessively weighing myself or anything crazy, but I do have a hard time with weight gain and all of that. We were at a good stopping place, so we stopped there. She said that it was good work and we would continue that work next time but that she sees that I making so much progress in all of these connections. I asked her if she thinks it’s harder to work with people who don’t have such explicit traumas but have more of an absence of things like neglect, and she said she feels like it’s hard to answer because everyone is so different but that in general it is a little bit harder because you’re sort of always looking for a moving target that is hard to find and so you end up switching around and always looking for what the route is whereas if you know the very specific explicit trauma it’s a little bit easier to directly process it but even then, she was like you know it’s not gonna go away in those 6 to 9 sessions like they make it sound in the training. I pointed out that I think maybe the 6 to 9 sessions is a good indicator as far as alleviating the actual PTSD response but not those longer-term negative cognitions, which she said she could agree with. We scheduled for next week, and I paid her. She said maybe by next time she will be able to move her shoulder more freely and I jokingly said if she’s just doing physical therapy I kind of doubt it but I hope so for her sake and she laughed and said thanks and I said I was just trying to be honest because physical therapy is a slow process but I hope she feels better. She said it has been such a pain because they have switched insurances with her husband’s job and now they have to reach a high deductible so they are transitioning to the idea of having to pay out-of-pocket for everything until they hit that high deductible and she has been having to re-budget and sort of acknowledge that she needs to put her self first because normally she likes to put the kids first and hold off and wait for it to go away but she realized it’s not going to go away and she has realize she has become very grouchy with everybody in herhouse so she is going to finally do something about it and do physical therapy.

#EMDR #therapy

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witchymarvelspacecase · 7 years

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The Avengers Drunk

A/N: So this is inspired by a conversation between @gigistorm and I at dinner, have fun ;)

Posted: 2/10/17

Also, none of these gifs are mine, credit to the owners

Bucky:

JBB is a cuddly drunk. I think that when he gets drunk, which only happens if Thor brings that Asgardian Liquor, his quiet and scared self lets go a little and he gets the gumption to go for the physical affection he needs. He will just randomly show up next to you and all of a sudden his head will be in your lap and you’ll be threading your fingers through his hair. HE will be in constant need of hugs and cheek kisses. He will spend a lot of his time translating for Natasha whose breaking into random Russian, and trying to avoid Steve’s nagging. He knows Steve means well, but he is happy just being touched and listening to you talk.

Bruce:

Bruce is a bit like Bucky, he’s so quiet normally, that when he gets drunk he breaks out of his shell. I have a feeling he is a singing drunk, the music comes on and he just belts along with it. He’s probably pretty good at it too. I also think he is a busy drunk, constantly tinkering with EVERYTHING in sight. Sometimes this works out okay, cause he’s a genius but he has messed up the audio system and the AC one too many times. You would spend a good portion of the night keeping him away from the lab. Booze and bunsen burners DON’T mix. He’s be a cuddler at the end of the night and in the morning, he wouldn’t be able to stop apologizing, even though he didn’t do anything wrong (since you watched him all night).

Clint:

Poor Hawkeye. I think he’d be a Dad drunk. He wouldn’t drink as much as the others and he would feel the need to look out for everyone. He’d spend a lot of the night taking care of Peter and Natasha and helping you corral the less well-mannered Avengers. He’d do it all with a smile on his face and almost constant laughter. His phone would be out all night and there would be so much blackmail material on that thing by the end of the night that he’d have to hide it from everyone, especially Tony who would threaten to have F.R.I.D.A.Y. lock him out if he posted any of the videos online. Clint wouldn’t post anything though, but he would definitely hold it over everyone’s heads, and he would threaten them all if they gave you a hard time.

Natasha:

Nat wouldn’t get drunk easy, and for a while, it wouldn’t seem to affect her much. But when the alcohol finally kicked it, she would start speaking only in Russian. She wouldn’t even notice that she was confusing most of you and only Bucky, Clint and Bruce could understand her. Even they struggled with her slurring. Nat would be pulling pranks on all the Avengers. Well all but you, cause you learned early on, that if you helped her pull the pranks, then you weren’t on the receiving end of any. She would throw an arm around your shoulders and lean on you a lot. You would receive a LOT of sloppy cheek kisses and she would tell you how good of a friend you were and how much she loved you all night.

Peter:

(I know Garfield isn’t Spiderman anymore, but I still like him ;) )

When the kid gets old enough to drink, he is a SLOPPY drunk. Peter is “white-girl wasted” pretty quickly and it is hysterical. He and Tony get into a lot of competitions, none of which either can win, ad there is always a catastrophic mess to clean up when the party’s over. Peter spends a lot of the night swooping around in the rafters and seems to enjoy grabbing you when you least expect it and pulling you around with him, which is loads of fun until you both fall a few too many times. You would both wake up with bruises and hangovers in the morning but it would be fun while it was happening.

Pietro:

Pietro would be blurring around the room, pulling pranks on everyone he passes. Problem is he would also be crashing into things as he got drunker. He would be sprinting up behind you and Wanda all night, grabbing you around the waist and spinning you around until you couldn’t breathe for laughing. After he almost takes out the giant entertainment system, you would grab his arm and force him to sit down. He’d sty still and cuddle with you or Wanda if either of you instigated it, and he’d be just as happy laughing with you girls as he would be accidentally destroying the compound or tower.

Rhodes:

Rhodes gets worse as he drinks more. His bad stories, and dad jokes do NOT get more funny as he gets more inebriated. Everyone plays along and laughs the first few times, but when the same jokes and stories come out more than once he goes wandering around, trying to find someone else to tell. You’d feel bad, and follow him as he wanders the party, making sure he didn’t hurt himself, or get access to his suit while drunk. After a while, he sit down and get sulky because he wasn’t getting the attention he wanted, so you’d sit next to him and just talk. He’d be a good listener drunk or sober, but he’d be happy that someone was choosing to spend time with him.

Sam:

Sam Wilson would be a giggling drunk. He’s a happy person normally and cracks jokes easily, so when he’s drunk, everything is funny to him. I have a feeling that he would sing too, but he would sing badly, I don't think Falcon can carry a tune, definitely not when he’s had a few and he’s got Steve egging him on. He would be super confident while he’s drunk and he would sing LOUDLY. At first you’ try to stop him from embarrassing himself, but after a while, you’d pull out a phone and record the whole event. When you’d show him the video in the morning, he would refuse to come out of his room until you swore you wouldn’t show it to Cap.

Steve:

Steve would also be a singing drunk, but I’m pretty sure he’d be good at it. He’d have a great voice but he would not sing normally, he’d be too shy and awkward without Thor’s Asgardian booze. You would look forward to parties just for Steve’s singing. If he didn’t drink much, Steve would be taking care of Bucky and Tony most of the night. He’d shoot smiles your way as he corralled Tony away from his suit before he could put more holes in the wall and he’d be grateful that you would spend time with Bucky while he was busy. He’d worry about Bucky even if he was totally trashed, which meant that he’d ask you for help frequently,especially at parties when he couldn’t be sure that his friend would be near him all the time.

Thor:

The Asgardian is a massively cuddly drunk, not like Bucky though, he’d spend more of his time with his arms around one Avenger or another; hugging them from behind, throwing an arm over a shoulder, or picking people up and walking around with them. You’d spend a lot of the party with him hanging on your back, resting his chin on your head. He’s loud normally, but when he’s drunk he’s even louder. And he takes drunk suggestions literally, his already limited ability to read sarcasm and jokes disappears. I get the feeling that he’s a bit of a slutty drunk as a result.

Tony:

We all know how Tony is when he drinks. He sings, he dances, he blows hoes through his own walls. He is a messy drunk, and if he gets access to one of his suits, the mess gets bigger. He isn’t cuddly, but he likes to have a lot of attention, all the attention possible, on him, all the time. He’d spend time messing with Steve, who would be trying to keep him out of trouble, and he’d grab your hand and drag you away from things randomly because he wanted your attention or help with something. Like Bruce, you would have to do your best to keep him from the lab, cause he would spend the rest of the night in there causing chaos if you didn’t.

Wanda:

I think Wanda is a quiet drink. That’s not to say she isn’t busy, she’d be pulling pranks all night, and no one would be any wiser. She would be the worst matchmaker too, she would find an OTP and spend her whole night pushing them together and creating awkward situations. She’d be a giggling drunk, constantly needing cuddles from Pietro or you, and she would desperately try to get Vision to cuddle, which would be HILARIOUS. As the night wore on, the subtle use of her powers combined with the alcohol would wear her out and she would pass out with her head in yours or Pietro’s lap before anyone else was tired. You’d smile and help her to her room, tucking her in and leaving her a glass of water and painkillers for the morning.

Vision:

Pretty sure the android can’t drink, so he’d spend the night VERY CONFUSED. He would be trying to help Wanda, but not really understanding what was going on. I can just see him looking at you, the only relatively sober one in the room, and asking you for context, to which you would laugh and try to explain how the Avengers were suffering from higher than normal blood-alcohol levels and lowered inhibitions. This would make him worried a bit, and then you’d have to tell him that all he needed to do was keep them from hurting themselves and it would all wear off in the morning.

#avengers #avengers drunk #bucky barnes #bruce banner #clint barton #natasha romanoff #peter parker #pietro maximoff #james rhodes #sam wilson #steve rogers #tony stark #thor odinson #wanda maximoff #vision

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chiefbeck · 4 years

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EPILOGUE: Why did you kill me?

Four Transgender women were killed in the month of June 2014 in the United States.!

I will say it again, FOUR transwomen were killed in one month. Why does this happen? Why do these clashes occur and why does it end in violen!ce and death?!

June is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) pride and celebrations occur all month in the U.S. and around the world. Parties and parades abound and many of us are rejoicing in our freedom to live out of th!e proverbial closet. !

We all know the Gay and Lesbian fight for Equality has been a long and painful journey and it continues to this day. Just in the last few years there have been great strides in the legal system offering protections in every facet of life including MARRIAGE Equality. June is a month to celebrate the many victories that have occurred over the last century toward true human equality. Celebrate just being truly free. We celebra!te this freedom and hard-fought equality.!

When many of us are celebrating this openness there are people who are angered and actually afraid of our newfound liberty and freedom. The fanatical religious right and the everyday bigot are cajoled into action which sometimes ends in violence. Any other time the bigot rarely sees a gay or transgender person, but in June they are everywhere and celebrating in the streets and that is too much to handle. Maybe "THEY" are forced into a "closet" to stay inside for the entire month and drink their beer in their own garage with their friends. They have to hide their true identity as a prejudiced straight-religious-bigot. This is not easy, but they do it for that month. This type of person I will just for ease of this story re!fer to all of them as “Joe and Jim-Bob.”!

In the LGBT community there are a few groups of people that come into focus and are sometimes at odds with each other. The Gays at odds with the Lesbians who are at odds with the transgender who splinter off into the transwomen and the transmen who are still trying to figure out the Bisexuals. In other words the LGBT community isn’t always such a happy community and banded together as a group as anyone would think. Sometimes these splinters within the LGBT community end in isolation of one or the other; and this isolation can become a vulnerability to individuals or the group. There is infighting and divisions within, but we do agree on one thing, everyone should be treated with respect and equality when it comes to gender, sexual-orientation, age, color, religion, nation of origin or anything. We are all humans and thats that. This is the “LGBT community” as a whole.!

There are people within the LGBT community who can blend in with society and not draw attention to themselves. This is called stealth and about 80% of the LGBT comity lives in stealth and hiding for most of the year in their job and every day life. For a person to go stealth means they can live anywhere they want and have any job without fear of ridicule for being in the LGBT in the straight world. The people who can go stealth are Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual and only a very small amount of transgender people. basically if you are gay or lesbian and wish to be unnoticed and stealth you make some minor adjustments and go about your life. These minor adjustments are called “cover” techniques and many many people use cover every day to survive. It is a shame that we have to cover, but it is still a!fact of live and survival.!

Transgender people have a very difficult time ever going stealth. Cover is expensive for Transgender people and many times does not even work to society standards of beauty. Transmen are born female and transition to male and many times are able to go stealth and hide among the population. Once a transman starts testosterone he grows a beard and become a man for all intense of purposes. On the other hand a transwoman, which is a man who becomes a woman, has a much more difficult time due to many factors most of which are obvious. Society standards for women are based upon fashion magazines which are unattain!able by most women, much less a transwoman. !

Transwomen are left out of the stealth world unless they are very lucky or very rich. Why lucky, some transwomen are born with features and a stature that resemble that of a naturally born woman and they pass as a woman just by wearing makeup and a dress. These are few and far between. Why “rich” is good for a transwoman? The rich transwomen can go out and get facial surgery and other surgery to exactly mimic the women you see in magazines, and sometimes they end up in the magazine or on the cover. The rest of us are not lucky or rich and we continue to look like “men in dresses” to the outside world. We yell out in despair that we are not men in dresses, we live our lives everyday as women and in our hearts we are women. Unfortunately our outside appearance are not matching and we are ridiculed and are forced to hide. Only a few of us dare to live every day as the women we are and we face the delu!ge of hate and prejudice.!

Within the LGBT community you also have Drag queens and other people who are very flamboyant and live very open and happy lives and will never go or even want to be stealth as they enjoy who they are and live within their circle of friends. They don’t give a dang what anyone else thinks. This group however usually live in a very tight community to

themselves and normally don’t venture into the mainstream or “Middle- America” especially mingling with Joe and Jim-Bob.!

The last group of people are the moderate straight people who are not anti-LGBT nor do they support or parade for the LGBT community. They just quietly live their lives in their world. I will clump them all into a family called the “Jones’s” just for this story.!

What I see happening from my perspective in the month of June:!

The Stealth LGBT community flies to another city like San Francisco to celebrate with the entire LGBT community. The drag queens, Bears, leather guys, twinkies and queers who celebrate every weekend go out and buy huge super flamboyant costumes to really get their pride on. The Transmen join the celebrations; the transwomen put on their beset outfits. The transwomen who could never pass and normally only dress as “themselves” in their own home venture out into the celebrations. The Jones family lives in the city and continue on their day to day lives and end up in the middle of the celebration. Joe and Jim- Bob are out at the bar just to see whats going on and maybe get a few beers with their pizza.!

All of these various groups are in San Francisco or a city nearby. We are all drinking and talking and having fun; our guards are lowered and inhibitions are gone. The groups mix up and most of the time it turns out ok. Sometimes we start to feel like we can truly be free and equal and live in a world that accepts us for what we are. ... mostly just “humans” trying to live a happy life. !

A transwoman named Chris, who lives her life very quietly and usually alone because she is 6 foot 2 inches tall with very masculine features is having the time of her life this June. Marriage equality has occurred in a few states. There was a beautiful woman, a transwoman, on the cover of Time Magazine. Transgender people are on talk shows and are being accepted and are “OUT.” The pride celebrations are so wonderful; June is a great month. !

People are really accepting her for who she is and not making comments about her five o’clock shadow or her appearance. She is actually getting compliments on her dress and how “pretty” she is from a lot of people. Even that straight guy said she looked pretty. She really can live as herself, live as a woman. She has heard that woman who was on Time Magazine tell everyone to “BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE” and live your life in the open. Maybe she can live free and be herself all year long? Chris knows this is not about sex or fetish or anything else; she just

wants to be herself and be happy. Chris goes out alone a lot because she hasn’t really met any friends or people she can trust.!

Chris ventures out a few more nights and is accepted so well in all of the gay bars and is having a wonderful time. !

Maybe Chris really is beautiful and can live as a woman just like that lady on Time magazine? Maybe society really did change because the law was changed? Maybe everyone will love us and treat us as equals?!

She keeps going out and building confidence, life is grand. She has a girlfriend that she wants to talk about all of this new found joy in life. The future is so hopeful. She is elated and wants to run home and talk this over. This is the new “real” like that one lady said on the television isn’t it?

That is what the beautiful people keep telling her.

(In her mind she is asking is it only the beautiful stealth transwomen who are telling her this? ...no, never-mind.... she tells herself that society really has changed and we are all beautiful and we all have happiness and equality NOW.)!

She is overjoyed and wants to live everyday this happy as herself with her girlfriend. She is heading home. Then she runs into Joe and Jim-Bob who are drunk; she smiles at them just being herself and being nice...but they don’t “SEE HER” they only see a dude in a dress who is flaunting some kind of fetish and probably wants sex with them. Why else would she smile at them other than sex? !

They lash out in anger over all of these people running around with rainbows and weird outfits. Joe yells “fag” and Jim-Bob throws a bottle that hits Chris in the head knocking her out cold. !

Joe and Jim Bob attack her and beat her until she stops crying out in pain.!!

She ends up dead next to the dumpster in a dark alley.!

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relationshipadviser-blog · 5 years

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3 Signs His Female Friend Is Sabotaging Your Relationship Betches

New Post has been published on https://relationshipqia.com/must-see/3-signs-his-female-friend-is-sabotaging-your-relationship-betches/

3 Signs His Female Friend Is Sabotaging Your Relationship Betches

I can already anticipate all the backlash to this article (I announce to my three readers). People of different genders can be friends without being attracted to each other, When Harry Met Sally set us all back decades, blah blah blah. Ideologically, I want to and kind of do believe all that. But I was also single for basically the entirety of college, better known as the four horniest years of everyone’s life. So, I can tell you with complete confidence that single women competing for male attention are among the most vicious, scheming creatures on this earth. If you are a heterosexual woman in your twenties, it’s pretty much guaranteed that you have at some point toed the line of acceptable behavior with a guy in a relationship. Similarly, you’ve likely felt threatened by a female friend who you suspected would rather see your relationship fall apart.

Then again—purely statistically speaking, definitely not from experience—you’ve probably also ruined, or at least damaged a relationship by being a jealous psycho when nothing was going on. So, from my vast experience, here are the three signs to let you know that a female friend is actually something to worry about. Read on before sending your 50th passive-aggressive text about Karen from work.

1. She Pretends You Don’t Exist

This seems like an obvious one, but you’d be shocked how many well-meaning boyfriends pretend not to notice don’t notice it. Typically, I allow my close friends to go on five dates MAX before I start angling to meet whoever they’re dating. If your boyfriend has a close female friend who shows zero interest in getting to know you, that probably means she’s busy pretending you don’t exist—and encouraging him to do the same. By never asking to meet you, your boyfriend’s “friend” is, at best, undermining your importance in your boyfriend’s life and subtly implying that you won’t stick around long enough to be worth meeting. At worst, she’s implying that it would somehow be awkward or unthinkable for her to meet you—after all, you wouldn’t introduce one girlfriend to the other, right?

Since you can’t exactly tell what’s going on in her head, here are a few warning signs. If she exclusively invites your boyfriend to hang out one-on-one at bars, date-y restaurants, or activities she knows you’re not into, not great. If he has to ask if he can bring you whenever she invites him to a party, not great. And if, when you arrive at a party with him, she pretends you’re not there while treating your boyfriend like they’re the only two people in the room all night, really really not f*cking great. Finally, if you go out of your way to be friendly to her—DESPITE ALL THIS—and she barely acknowledges you? That’s when you walk out.

Basically, if she’s trying to will you out of existence so she can keep pretending she has your boyfriend all to herself, you have a problem. And if your boyfriend lets her get away with this, you have a sh*tty boyfriend.

2. She Touches Him—Like, A Lot

I am not a total psycho. (Well, I kind of am, but that’s not pertinent here.) I understand that friends make physical contact, and I am not suggesting you burn all your boyfriend’s possessions every time you see him give someone a hug. That being said, if you’re reading this article, I assume you have at some point flirted with a man. You know what friendly touching looks like, and you know what flirty touching looks like.

When it comes to this particular issue, I really encourage you to trust your gut. When I was 17, I spent months watching my best friend “playfully” hit my boyfriend’s chest whenever he made a joke. I was told by everyone I knew to “calm down,” and they were just friends. Even the friend in question just pulled the excuse that she “expressed herself physically.” Lo and behold, six months later I find out they’ve been having secret sleepovers. So no, you can’t exactly require that your boyfriend abstains from any physical contact with other human beings. But if you’re watching someone touch your boyfriend in a way that makes you feel sick, pay attention to that feeling.

3. She Sends Him Emotional Drunk Texts

Again, I understand that friends are there to offer each other emotional support. If she tells him intimate things or goes to him for support after a breakup, that’s not necessarily a red flag. But if she texts him highly affectionate or deeply personal things when her inhibitions are lowered (aka she’s drunk AF), it may be a clue into what she wishes their relationship was like. And obviously, if she texts him anything along the lines of “come over,” you need to have a serious conversation about boundaries.

I’m not going to lie—this was a tough article for me to write. Like, had-to-take-a-walk-around-the-block-and-ward-off-a-full-scale-panic-attack tough. I’ve been cheated on, and I’ve also been the other woman (I think—they didn’t mention their girlfriend for the weeks/months we spoke, but it later sure seemed like a girlfriend existed). So while I really do trust my boyfriend, I’ve seen firsthand how a seemingly happy relationship can be sabotaged from the outside. Is it usually a sign of an underlying problem? Sure. But even if it doesn’t go to the point of cheating—if there’s just another woman in his life who consistently forces your boyfriend to choose between her comfort and yours—it can make the strongest relationship feel shaky.

So, if your boyfriend has a female friend who exhibits the above behaviors, I encourage you to talk it out. No ultimatums, no screaming I WILL CUT THAT B*TCH (just me?). An honest conversation about what would make you feel better, and whether those are steps he’s willing to take. If he refuses to even entertain the conversation, or—*gasp*—calls you crazy, then it’s time to consider how much of the problematic dynamic is actually being caused by your boyfriend.

Images: Giphy (4); Parker Whitson/Unsplash