#And because actually relating any personal information about himself is just deeply humiliating to him

[panvani]

Imagining the world where people realized what a Case Study of Vanitas implies for Vanitas

#logxx #Vanitas' entire deal is wanting to die but wanting to die with his secrets kept and ultimately forgotten #Because he has spent his entire life with people and institutions that wanted to control him #And humiliate him and violate him #He is secretive and contrary and antagonistic both because he fundamentally mistrusts other people #And because actually relating any personal information about himself is just deeply humiliating to him #Because of course it is. Because being abused and particularly the kind of abuse he experienced is deeply humiliating #And Noé who eventually murders Vanitas makes a fucking case study about him #He not only pathologizes Vanitas' existence and frames him as a subject to be scrutinized #He writes down and publishes as much detail of how Vanitas was humiliated as he could #POSTHUMOUSLY #WITHOUT VANITAS' PERMISSION #AND HE STILL DOESN’T KNOW VANITAS' ACTUAL NAMEEEE

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x11 thoughts

For an episode that ends with a journalist Ted trusts but has (understandably) recently lied to warning Ted that he’s publishing an article about his panic attacks, it was fitting that this episode seemed entirely about what all of these characters choose to tell each other. And after most of a season of television that Jason Sudeikis has described as the season in which the characters go into their little caves to deal with things on their own, it turns out they are finally able to tell each other quite a lot.

Which is good because, um, wow, a lot is going to happen in the season finale of this show!

Thoughts on the things people tell each other behind the cut!

Roy and Keeley. I absolutely loved the moment during their photoshoot in which they bring up a lot of complicated emotional things and are clearly gutted (“gutted”? Who am I? A GBBO contestant who forgot to turn the oven on?) by what they’ve heard. We already know that Keeley and Roy are great at the kinds of moments they have before the shoot begins, in which Roy builds Keeley up and tells her she’s fucking amazing. From nearly the beginning of their relationship, they’ve supported each other and been each other’s biggest fans. But their relationship has gone on long enough that they’ve progressed from tentative arguments about space and individual needs into really needing to figure out what they mean to each other and how big their feelings are and what that means in relation to everything else. Watching these two confess about the uncomfortable kiss with Nate, the unexpectedly long conversation with Phoebe’s teacher, and—most painfully—the revelation that Jamie still loves Keeley didn’t feel like watching two people who are about to break up. (Although I could see them potentially needing space from each other to get clarity.) It felt like watching two people realize just how much they’d lose if they lost each other, which is an understandably scary feeling even—or especially—when you’re deeply in love but not entirely sure what the future holds. Not entirely sure what you’re capable of when you’ve never felt serious about someone in quite this way, and are realizing you have to take intentional actions to choose that relationship every single day. I’m excited to learn whether Roy and Keeley decide they need to solidify their relationship more (not necessarily an engagement, but maybe moving in together or making sure they’re both comfortable referring to the other as partner and telling people they’re in a committed relationship) or if things go in a different direction for a while.

Sharon and Ted. I’ve had this feeling of “Wow, Ted is going to feel so intense about how honest he’s been with Sharon and is going to end up getting really attached and transfer a lot of emotions onto the connection they have and that is stressful no matter how beneficial it has been for him to finally get therapy!” for a while now. And Sharon’s departure really brought that out and it was indeed stressful. But the amount of growth that’s happened for both of these characters is really stunningly and beautifully conveyed in this episode. Ted is genuinely angry she left without saying goodbye, and he doesn’t bury it some place deep inside him where it will fester for the next thirty years. He expresses his anger. (I also noticed he sweared—mildly—in front of her again, which is really a big tell for how much he has let his carefully-constructed persona relax around her.) He reads her letter even though he said he wasn’t going to, and he’s moved. I don’t think Ted has the words for his connection to Sharon beyond “we had a breakthrough,” but Sharon gets it, and is able to firmly assert a professional boundary by articulating her side of that breakthrough as an experience that has made her a better therapist. And is still able to offer Ted a different kind of closure by suggesting they go out before her train leaves. No matter how you feel about a patient/football manager seeing their therapist/team psychologist colleague socially, I appreciated this story because IMO it didn’t cross big lines but instead was about one final moment in this arc in which both Ted and Sharon saw each other clearly and modeled what it is to give someone what they need and to expect honesty and communication from them. I liked that Ted ends up being the one saying goodbye. (The mustache in the exclamation points!) I like that whether or not Sharon returns in any capacity (Sarah Niles is so wonderful that I hope she does, but I’m not sure), the goodbye these characters forge for themselves here is neither abandonment nor a new, more complicated invitation. It’s the end of a meaningful era, and although the work of healing is the work of a lifetime, it’s very beautiful to have this milestone.

Ted and Rebecca. So, maybe it’s just me, but it kinda feels like these two have a few li’l life things to catch up on?! (HAHHHHHaSdafgsdasdf!) I really adored their interactions in this episode. I maintain that Biscuits With The Boss has been happening this whole time (even when Ted’s apartment was in shambles, there’s biscuit evidence, and I feel like we’ve been seeing the biscuit boxes in Rebecca’s office pretty regularly too), even if it might have been more of a drive-by biscuit drop-off/feelings avoidance ritual. It was really lovely to see Ted on more even footing in Rebecca’s office, joking around until she tells him to shut up, just like the old days. And GOSH—for their 1x9 interaction in Ted’s office to be paralleled in this episode and for Ted to explicitly make note of the parallel in a way Rebecca hears and sees and understands?! MY HEART. In both of Rebecca’s confessions, she is not bringing good news but it is good and meaningful that she chooses to share with Ted. In both situations, Ted takes the moment in stride and offers acceptance equivalent to the gravity of what she has to confess. And in both situations, he’s not some kind of otherworldly saint, able to accept Rebecca no matter what because he’s unaffected by what she shares. He is affected. When he tells her about Sam, you can see a variety of emotions on his face. Rebecca is upset and Ted is calm, and even if I might have liked for him to try to talk about the risk the affair poses to the power dynamics on the team or any number of factors, I also really liked that he just accepts where she is, and—most importantly—does not offer her advice beyond examining herself and taking her own advice. A massive part of being in a relationship with another person (a close relationship of any nature) is figuring out how to support that person without necessarily having to be happy about every single thing they do. It’s so important that Ted connects what she’s just told him about Sam back to what she told him last season about her plot with the club. These both feel like truth bombs to him, and he is at least safe enough to make that clear. These are both things that impact him, things that shape how he sees her and maybe even how he sees himself. He cares about her and is capable of taking in this information; he has room for it. But it’s not something he takes lightly, and neither does she. See you next year.

Tumblr user chainofclovers and the TV show Ted Lasso. My brain is going wild thinking about all the ways the next “truth bomb” conversation could go in 3x11 or whatever. Maybe they go full consistent parallel and Rebecca confesses something else, this time about her and Ted or some other big future thing that impacts him as much or more as the other confessions have. (The same but different.) Maybe the tables turn and Ted has something to confess to her. While the 1x9 conversation ended in an embrace and the 2x11 conversation ended with a bit more physical distance (understandable given the current state of their relationship and the nature of the discussion), the verbal ending of both conversations involved voices moving into a sexier lower register while zooming in to talk specifically about their connection to each other, so I have to assume there will be some consistencies in s3 even if the circumstances will be completely different. I don’t really know where I’m going with this and I obviously will go insane if I sustain this level of anticipatory energy until Fall 2022 but I have a feeling my brain and heart are going to try!

Sam and Rebecca. I know there’s been a lot of criticism about whether this show is being at all realistic about the power dynamics and inevitable professional issues this relationship would create. On some level, I agree; I like that pretty much everyone who knows about the affair has been kind so far, but you can be kind and still ask someone to contend with reality. But I also think that in nearly every plot point on this show, the narrative is driven by how people feel about their circumstances first and foremost. (It’s why the whiteboard in the coaching office and the football commentators tell us more about how the actual football season is going from a points perspective than anyone else.) This episode reminded me how few people know about Sam and Rebecca, and how much their time together so far has been time spent in bed. The private sphere. I thought this episode really expertly brought the public sphere into it, not—thank goodness—through a humiliating exposure or harsh judgment but through an opportunity for Sam that illustrates not only all his potential to do great things but how much Rebecca’s professional position and personal feelings are in conflict with that. Could stand in the way of that. I don’t have a strong gut feeling about where this will go, but I do think Sam’s face in his final scene of this episode is telling. He started the episode wanting to see Rebecca (his most recent text to her was about wanting to connect), and Edwin’s arrival from Ghana really exploded his sense of what is possible for his life. If he’d arrived home to Rebecca sitting on his stoop prior to meeting Edwin, he’d have been delighted. Now he’s conflicted, and whatever decision he makes, he has to reckon with the reality that he cannot have everything he wants. No matter what. And Rebecca—she has taken Ted’s advice and is attempting to be honest about the fact that she can’t control Sam’s decisions but hopes he doesn’t go, and even saying that much feels so inappropriate. And I’m not sure how much she realizes about the inappropriateness of the position she’s putting him in, although maybe she’s getting there considering she exits the scene very quickly. I’ve honestly loved Rebecca’s arc this season. I think it’s realistic that she got obsessed with the intimacy she thought she could find in her phone. I think it’s realistic that her professional and personal ambitions are inappropriately linked. (They certainly were for Rupert. It’s been years since she’s known anything different; even if she’s done some significant recovery work to move on from her abusive marriage and figure out her own priorities, she’s got a long way to go.) I know there are people who will read this interaction between Rebecca and Sam as a totally un-self-aware thing on the part of “the show” or “the writers” but what I saw is two people who enjoyed being in bed together and now have to deal with the reality that they’re in two different places in their lives and that one has great professional power over the other. If that wasn’t in the show, I wouldn’t be able to see it or feel so strongly about it.

Edwin and Sam. I really enjoyed all the complexities of this interaction. Edwin is promising a future for Sam that doesn’t quite exist yet, though he has the financial means to make it happen. He offers this by constructing for Sam a Nigerian—and Ghanaian—experience unlike anything he’s found in London. Sam is amazed that this experience is here, and Edwin’s response is to explain to him that the experience is not here. Not really. The experience in Africa. Sam has of course connected to the other Nigerian players on the team, but this is something else entirely. I’m really curious if Sam is going to end up feeling that what Edwin has to offer is real or not. That sense of home and connection? So real. And so right that he would want to experience that homecoming and would want to be part of building that experience for others. But at the end of the day, he went to a museum full of actors and a pop-up restaurant full of “friends,” and is that constructed authenticity as a stand-in for a real homecoming more or less real than the home he’s building in Richmond? (With other players who stand in solidarity with him, and with well-meaning white coaches who say dumb stuff sometimes, and an a probably-doomed love interest, and a feeling that he should put chicken instead of goat in the jollof, and the ability to stand out as an incredible player on a rising team.)

Nate and everyone. But also Nate and no one. Nate’s story is so painful and I’m so anxious for next week’s episode. For a long time I’ve felt that a lot of Nate’s loyalties are with Richmond, and a lot of his ambitions are around having given so much to this place without getting a lot back, and having a strong feeling that he’s the answer to Richmond’s future. But now I’m not so sure; his ambitions have transferred into asking everyone he knows (except Ted, of course), if they want to be “the boss.” But Nate is all tactics and no communication. When he wants to suggest a new play to Ted, he hasn’t yet learned to read Ted’s language to learn that Ted is eager to hear what he has to say. And while Ted has been really unfortunately distracted about Nate and dismissive of him this season, he clearly respects Nate’s approach to football and was appreciative of the play. Nate just can’t hear that. The suit is such a great metaphor of all the things Nate is in too much pain to be able to hear clearly. Everyone digs at him for wearing the suit Ted bought him (including Will, who’s got to get little cuts in where he can, because he’s got to be sick of the way Nate treats him), but when he gets fed up his solution isn’t to go out on his own and find more clothes he likes; he asks Keeley to help him. And then crosses a major line with her...and no matter how kind she was about it, she was clearly not okay. Everything is going to blow up, and I’m so curious as to whether Nate will end up aligning himself with Rupert in some way or if he’s going to end up screwed over by Rupert and in turn try to screw over his colleagues even worse than he’s already done. Or try desperately to make amends even though it could be too late for some. Either way, I’m fully prepared to feel devastated. (And there’s no way I’m giving up on this character. If he’s able to learn, I truly believe he could end up seeking forgiveness and forging a happier existence for himself. Someday. Like in season 3 or something.)

Ted and Trent. Trent deciding to reveal his source to Ted is a huge deal, and I’m torn between so many emotions about this exposé. I’m glad it’s a Trent Crimm piece and not an Ernie Loundes piece. I’m glad that Trent made the decision to warn Ted and let him know that Nate is his source. I fear—but also hope—that this exposure will set off a chain reaction of Ted learning about some of the things he’s missed while suffering through a really bad bout with his dad-grief and panic disorder. The things Ted doesn’t know would devastate him. I wonder if Ted will want to figure out a way to make Nate feel heard and reconcile with him, and I wonder how that will be complicated if/when he realizes Nate has severely bullied Will, gets more details on how he mistreated Colin, etc. I wonder if Rebecca, whom Nate called a “shrew” right before she announced his promotion, will be in the position of having to ask Ted to fire him, or overriding Ted and doing it herself. So many questions! I have a feeling it’ll go in some wild yet very human-scaled, emotionally-nuanced direction, and I’ll be like “Oh my GOD!” but also like “Oh, of course.”

This VERY SERIOUS AND EMOTIONAL REVIEW has a major flaw, which is that none of the above conversations include mention of the absolute love letter to N*SYNC. Ted passionately explains how things should go while dancing ridiculously! Will turns on the music and starts gyrating! Roy nods supportively! Beard shouts the choreography like the Broadway choreographer of teaching grown men who play football how to dance like a boy band. Everyone is so incredibly proud when they nail it. I love them.

I cannot believe next week is the end. For now. I’m kind of looking forward to letting everything settle during the hiatus, but I’ve really loved the ride.

#ted lasso #ted lasso s2 spoilers #ted lasso 2x11 #meta by me #ALL THE FEELINGS!!!! #a lesbian watches ted lasso

[onesunofagun]

I shall now yell about Ingo, please stand by:

Ingo’s transformation from the underappreciated backbone of the ranch to an absolute ruff-wearing cantaloupe of a man is also pretty interesting (if you’re the kind of person who absorbs the Zelda series through your skin like a frog to live).

I’ve bolded the key points for skimmers.

Granted, the manga has it that Ingo just gets brainwashed by Twinrova into being a staunch follower of Ganondorf. That’s not canon, but it’s not informing any of this thinking, either way. 

In the beginning of OoT we meet Talon by waking him up from a nap, and we learn pretty quickly that he’s lazy and often yelled at by his daughter for slacking off like this. Ingo at the ranch confirms again that Talon doesn’t pull his weight around there, and since Malon’s still a child, it’s pretty obvious that Ingo’s settled with the bulk of the work.

Ingo is grumpy, he’s resentful, and he complains a lot. But he does do the work, and you can find him (presumably) in the process of mucking out the stables. 

Let’s examine what he does at the ranch:

Epona really liked that song... Only I could tame that horse... Even Mr. Ingo had a hard time...

Now, Epona is established in game to be a real winner of a horse. She’s fast, she’s smart, she’s got a lovely sorrel coat and white mane that seems to be quite rare or highly prized coloring. The catch is, she is notoriously wild. The only people she tolerates are Malon and Link, due in large part to being soothed by the song Malon’s mother taught her.

Ingo had to really try to crack this horse, which Malon’s observation suggests is unusual. 

Epona is very young when we first see her, so it’s never really revealed if she was caught wild, or bred at the ranch with a very headstrong temperament.

Ingo’s clearly the guy that’s breaking them in, though. The most Talon is doing is... sleeping in with the cuccos. We never see any organisation of the cuccos, in terms of egg collection or poultry farming, but nevertheless, Talon has the much less physical jobs even if he was doing them. His focus seems to be cuccos, deliveries to the castle and book keeping between naps (and to be fair it’s probably a little depression related, given the dead wife).

Malon gives us a cow later on, and she’s got the egg for the crowing cucco that wakes up Talon, so I’d like to assume for simplicity’s sake that even as a kid, Malon was up at dawn most days helping Ingo with the cows and milking them. It’s never really implied that she has amazing skill in dealing with horses, just that Epona has a special connection with her specifically. Other than that, Malon is simply kind and respectful of her animals (though I’ve got no idea how she got that cow to Link’s treehouse and that’s worth investigating). 

Later on, Ingo is also shown to be a competent rider. Enough that he has absolutely no qualms in challenging Link to races for wagers, and was quite confident of his ability to win.

The takeaway is, Ingo is usually VERY GOOD with both caring for and training horses, if not breeding them for the ranch.

That kind of lends to his grumbling, when he is referring to himself as ‘the Great Ingo’ and comparing himself to Talon, who is a ‘bum’. His claim to greatness may not be undeserved, at least in horse circles, and especially if he’s not getting particular credit for it, his bitterness and frustration (alongside envy, exhaustion, and dreams of recognition) would be quite deeply run.

So it seems that his friend and employer is clearly taking some advantage of him, especially after the death of Malon’s mother.

So now, let’s examine his feelings, and how he changes.

The feelings Ingo has about that are pretty textbook for the sort of thing ‘evil takes hold of and twists’, in the Zeldaverse.

Focussing on the game itself, Malon says this as an adult:

Since Ganondorf came, people in the Castle Town have gone, places have been ruined, and monsters are wandering everywhere. Mr. Ingo is just using the ranch to gain Ganondorf's favor... Everyone seems to be turning evil...

We do see other characters in Hyrule become influenced by the ‘darkness in their hearts’ as byproduct of Ganondorf’s reign. 

A prominent example of a character who was visibly dissatisfied with their lot, and then notably changes (while praising Ganondorf for what he’d done), is the Castle Guard who is heavily implied to have become the Poe Dealer. Even if by some slim means it’s not the same person, the Poe Dealer does still express that they could not do the work they do without Ganon as King, and that they now benefit from him being in that position and are grateful to him.

The Kakariko Carpenters seem to have given into their fantasies about living among the Gerudo women, and gone out to the Valley and gotten themselves taken prisoner. Following work near the fortress, the team chooses to act on their selfish desires and go for broke, chasing their dreams. They weren’t previously prepared to act upon these fantasies when Link was young, admittedly much milder in their still very prominent obsession, but seven years later, they’re quite happy to risk it all and piss away the stability of their careers (and nearly their lives) at the first opportunity.

Anyway, the trend is, those across Hyrule who are unhappy with their lot before Ganondorf’s coup tend to be ‘corrupted’ by seven years later, and appear to have given in to a twisted version of whatever they most wanted. 

This is noteworthy especially because the language in the game revolves around the Sacred Realm being opened and corrupted, too, by Ganondorf’s unbalanced heart and selfish goals. It is unable to be ‘sealed’ again while Link has the Master Sword. In aLttP, we know there is a mirror like effect to do with the sacred turned dark realm, in which it reflects the hearts of men. 

So it is very reasonable to say, that for OoT in particular, much of this evil influence plaguing the land and preying on the darkness an people’s hearts is a result of the corruption of the Sacred Realm. It is an indirect byproduct of Ganondorf’s acquiring of the Triforce, but not necessarily something he himself does to people on purpose, unlike the brainwashing of Nabooru.

Mr. Ingo is just using the ranch to gain Ganondorf's favor... But Dad... He was kicked out of the ranch by Mr. Ingo... If I disobey Mr. Ingo, he will treat the horses so badly...

This explains a lot of the more callous and greedy behaviour that Ingo shows later on, and why it seems to disappear when he is truly humbled by Link. 

Link’s win serves as a reminder of Ingo’s stagnating skill with horses, the very thing that made him feel so deserving of praise and recognition in the first place, in that for everything he now has control of at the ranch, he still cannot control that horse. He has become as much of a bum as Talon ever was, relegating Malon to do all the hard work while Ingo struts around uselessly. He’s even lost his touch with the Horses so much, in his arrogance, that now he has taken up mistreating them and using harsh and abusive methods (according to Malon’s concerns).

The humiliation and shame takes hold, his pride shattering with the loss of Epona-- not only as a valuable asset, but also as the horse he could never truly tame.

The dark feelings he was holding onto are let go of, as he regains a sense of humility, and the corruptive influence upon him dissipates. He even seeks out Talon to bury the hatchet and invite him back to the ranch.

Oh, I have to tell you about Mr. Ingo... He was afraid that the Evil King might find out that Epona had been taken away... It really upset him! But one day, all of a sudden, he went back to being a normal, nice person! Now my dad is coming back...I can't believe it, but peace is returning to this ranch!

But what about his obsession with Ganondorf in particular?

When the coup happened, Ingo watched the King of the Gerudo unwittingly play out a sort of grand parallel to what Ingo felt should happen on the ranch. To Ingo’s perception, I think Ganondorf was representing an ideal version of Ingo himself. 

A man of the desert, where hard work and grit are as second nature to survive the harsh conditions. A man frustrated with the King of Hyrule’s shit, and forced to swear fealty to him despite being a King himself. A man resplendent with wealth, with fine and flashy clothes and plentiful jewelry.

And perhaps the most important note of all, the Gerudo in OoT? 

They’re horse people. 

They love horses. Ganondorf’s horse is reputed to be a purebred Black Gerudo Stallion, which is obviously a specialty breed, that is fully armoured and as flashy as he is. When the Gerudo cut the bridge leading to the valley, the only way in and out is to have a skilled horse jump the gap. 

They also have a huge horseback archery range, and prowess in the sport is an incredible source of respect amongst the Gerudo, and many of the guards possess bladed polearms suitable for mounted use. From this, it can be assumed that during the recent civil war, Gerudo weapons, war tack and military tactics were probably built around mounted cavalry archers foremost, with a lesser focus on light and heavy cavalry aside (iron knuckle armour springs to mind).

Anyway, Horses are very important to the Gerudo in the era of Ocarina of Time.

So Ganondorf is also unique in the sense that he is the King of a people who value what it is that Ingo does very highly. He, of all people, stands to immediately recognise the knowledge and skill that Ingo possesses in rearing horses.

So this is a man who successfully stages a coup of Hyrule, who clearly inspires Ingo to do much the same of the ranch, and who Ingo also feels is very likely to take his side should he appeal the matter.

And Ganondorf does.

And if that’s not a great compliment to Ingo’s actual skill, I don’t know what is, because Ganondorf is not a man that suffers fools. He’s got a limited patience when it comes to shit that is beneath his notice. Clearly, he recognises that Ingo is indeed the backbone of that ranch-- and the main reason for the quality of its Horses-- and rewards this accordingly.

And for Ingo, being on decent terms with the big scary goth King is a very, very good place to be. But it’s more than that!

What a guy! Not only did he deliver on Ingo’s long due validation, he gave Ingo everything he’d ever dreamed of having to his name, and the authority to kick Talon to the curb. He gets it! Ganondorf, this great eight foot beacon of freshly sought divine power and topaz-encrusted glory, this absolute unit of a man, this great underdog horse-lover after Ingo’s own heart; he really understands how great Ingo is. Ganondorf is paving the way for people like them! Oh, to rub shoulders wiht such greatness when the rest of Hyrule is scorned. 

Ingo feels seen. The Great Ganondorf made all that thankless time spent shovelling horse shit while Talon slept mean something. The Gerudo appreciate Ingo’s talents.

And all Ingo has to do is keep turning out really good horses, and promise to present the King with his finest.

So Ingo knows he’s in deep shit when he gets cocky and loses Epona to a wager, who at this point, he’s prepared pretty well and sunk a lot of money into on the idea that she’s going to Ganondorf. 

Who he’s probably bragged to about how fast she is.

He lost her to some jerk in tights who’d barely ridden before, too. And then when Ingo tried to cheat him out of the win, the kid jumped the damned fence an in ass-bustingly cool move that really just drove home how excellent and rare Epona was.

One does not promise the King of the Gerudo a fast horse and then fail to deliver, let alone for such a stupid reason.

Honestly, by the end, the man’s just happy to be alive.

Also I’d like to think he and Talon had a much fairer delegation of work and forgave each other, each really learning to appreciate what they have and what’s really important.

how the fuck did the Kokiri leave the forest for this scene anyway, they don’t even have their faries???

#tloz #tloz oot #Ocarina of time #legend of zelda ocarina #nostalgia #ingo #malon #talon #lon lon ranch #hyrule #zelda meta #legend of zelda #gerudo #ganondorf #zelda discussion #zelda theory

[spencers-renaissance]

Moreid Drabble

Prompt: something angsty with embarrassed!spencer, for @casparwrites

Word Count: 1.2k

Masterlist

Spencer knows this isn't going to go well for him the minute Emily opens her mouth.

She'd invited them round to hers for dinner and drinks after work, and although Hotch and Rossi had been invited, they'd both declined the invitation, likely in anticipation of exactly what had happened: wine turning to shots, and pleasant conversation devolving quickly into gossip.

Spencer hadn't minded at all at first. She'd ordered in from a Thai restaurant he happened to love, and sitting round in a comfortable, spacious living room chatting with his best friends is hardly a regrettable situation to find yourself in. So he allowed himself to relax, drinking almost as much as everyone else and joining in with all the conversation around him.

Besides, the red flush on his cheeks from the wine meant he could stare at Derek a little more overtly and not risk having his blush immediately clue everyone into the crippling crush he has on his colleague.

But then Emily suggests playing Never Have I Ever. In Spencer's experience, both drinking games and party games never go well for him, and he has no reason to believe this will be any different.

That's not true, he tells himself sternly as Emily and Penelope start mixing the cocktails. Parties at Caltech and MIT were a world away from a small gathering of five people who love and accept him for exactly who he is. This will be fine. Everything will be absolutely fine.

And for a couple rounds, it is. They laugh at the drunken escapades the game allows them to relive — they all know far too much about one another for the game to really reveal any new information in that regard — and Spencer learns far too much about his coworkers' sex lives.

(He also learns that Derek has slept with a man. Interesting.)

No one's really surprised when Spencer doesn't put his finger down for any of the wild sex-related Never Have I Ever statements that the others come up with, because everyone knows that while they may have had their late teens and early twenties to let loose and party at college, Spencer certainly didn't. Nobody says anything, but he can feel Derek's eyes on him, and he's trying really hard not to blush.

They play happily for quite a while before it happens, and Spencer's settled into a certain kind of comfort, he's been lulled into a false sense of security, because it hits him like a truck when it happens.

"Never have I ever kissed someone," Derek says boldly; loudly, shutting down the quiet chatter and giggles from around the circle until all that's left is the 90s Hits CD they'd put in playing in the background.

The thing is, he's looking right at Spencer. In fact, everybody's looking right at Spencer, and all of a sudden there's blood pounding in his ears and his face is burning a red so fierce he knows there's no way to play this one off, because Derek's suspicion is right, dammit.

He's dizzy with the humiliation, sick with the fact that even this — this family he's found, these friendships he's built — even this isn't safe, and is he ever going to actually be able to feel that safety and allow himself to enjoy it? Will he always be waiting for the other shoe to drop? Is he simply destined for these soul-sucking moments of utter embarrassment and humiliation and anger and sadness to happen wherever he goes? Is he that unlikeable, that unloveable, that everybody, even kind and compassionate people like Derek Morgan, has the urge to humiliate him?

Before he knows what he's doing, he's stumbling to his feet and running down the hall to the bathroom barricading himself inside before he can have a panic attack in front of his friends team. The wine that just moments ago felt pleasant in its gentle buzz in his bloodstream suddenly feels sick and heavy at the bottom of his stomach and he breathes in deeply to calm himself down.

His head is spinning and he's trying not to cry, and all he wants is to disappear because he's gonna have to face them again, there's no way to get out of the house without them seeing, oh God, they're gonna—

Before his thoughts can spiral any deeper, there's a heavy knock at the door, and Derek's deep voice is pleading with him through the painted wood.

"Pretty boy? Can you open the door for me?" he asks, and Spencer can hear the desperation and urgency in his voice. "I'm so sorry, kid, I'm so sorry. Listen, I know you're in there, just let me in, okay? I just wanna apologise."

Spencer takes another couple of deep breaths, trying to still the spinning bathroom in his vision before facing Derek again. Eventually, after a couple of minutes of deep breathing and Derek's intermittent pleas, he manages to bring himself to open the door, revealing his pitiful friend in front of him.

"Pretty boy, listen, I really am so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, and I shouldn't have said what I said," Derek says, gazing imploringly into Spencer's eyes. "I was just curious but I went about it in the wrong way and ended up embarrassing you, and that's the last thing I meant to do, you have to believe me—"

Spencer isn't sure what compels him to do it, but Derek is rambling and Spencer is staring at his mouth and the pretty shapes it makes when he talks, and before he knows it, he's surging forward and pressing his lips against Derek's mid-sentence.

It's so brief and chaste he doesn't give Derek any time to react, because he's quickly pulling away as horror fills him, his blood turning cold. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I can't believe I did that! I don't know—"

He doesn't get any further in his apology, because Derek's leaning back in, slower this time, more deliberately, and kissing him again, taking his jaw in one hand and his waist in the other as Spencer's hands come up to rest on Derek's strong chest. He's being kissed like this is the last time Derek will ever get the chance, like the sun won't rise in the morning and this is the only time their lips will ever be pressed together like this, and it's dizzying, this time in a good way.

When they finally pull apart, Derek looks desperate and serious as his eyes flick between meeting each of Spencer's, and he can't stand him looking or feeling like that any longer, so he says it. He admits the feelings he's had for Derek since he first met him.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that."

Derek melts in relief as a big smile works its way onto the lips Spencer just kissed. "Thank God, pretty boy, because I reckon I've been waiting even longer."

Somehow, Spencer doubts that, but he smiles anyway and leans in for another kiss because right now all he wants to think about is how the first person to ever kiss him was Derek Morgan, and how he never wants anybody else to ever do the same.

There'll be time for playful bickering in the morning. There'll be time for a lot of things come morning, and Spencer just can't wait to see what it'll hold.

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @lesbiantodds @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @negativefouriq @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @livrere-blue @hotchseyebrows @enbyspencer @reidology @transhanniballecter @spencerspecifics @bau-gremlin @hotchedyke @tobias-hankel @hotchscotchh @marsjareau @oliverbrnch @im-autistic @anxious-enby @kuolonsyoja @reidreids @ropoto @thosecriminalminds @wifeyprentiss @cmily @love-pyramus @notevanbuckley (add yourself to my taglist)

#caspar #mutuals #maja celebrates 1k #moreid #derek morgan #spencer reid #moreid drabble #moreid fluff #moreid fic #derek morgan/spencer reid #derek morgan x spencer reid #criminal minds #cm

[omg-baeyoung-baeran]

Maybe I Should Resign (Jumin/MC Oneshot)

Summary:

When your cringeworthy, cutesy cat-based post-its meant for your depressed friend are accidentally sent to your stone-hearted boss...take it as a sign to turn in your resignation letter.

o-o-o-o

It was mischievous and amusing, he admitted. The words written were always related to his current situation for some reason. Initially, it was odd and suspicious, but after it had given him comfort on several occasions, he had grown a little fond of the notes sent attached to his cup of coffee. 

Unless it was something related to cats, he was never the type to waste time, energy, or even money on something that did not involve the family and the company’s benefit; therefore, he never bothered finding the person behind it. He figured it was another scheme from someone who wanted to get ahold of his affection, so it was in his best interest to leave things be. The interaction went on for months, and the unknown person did not seem to have missed a single day doing the same task.

Impressive.

This mysterious person had persistence he would applaud of if he or she were not using it on something insignificant.

“Make efforts for yourself too because you are worth it!” The sticky note was purple this time.

That day, he bought himself a cat mug and was delighted by it.

Is this what commoners mean by “reward yourself”?

The first time the note made him frown deeply was when his father was involved with another woman, though the message was not the reason why he had made such a face. He wondered once again who the person might be behind the notes. Is it a woman who has the same intentions like his father’s passing lovers? Is it a man who is sucking up for a promotion? 

He had asked Jaehee before who had been preparing his coffee lately, since he had her retire from the task to handle more important matters at hand.

“It’s the chef’s son who prepares the coffee for the executives, Mr. Han.”

“He is not an employee.”

“Yes, but he volunteered to work without pay to help his father fulfill his duties without problems. I have offered to raise the concern to you, Mr. Han, but he refused.”

He hummed, raising his hand to his chin in thought. “Make him sign a contract and ensure his pay is more than sufficient to compensate for the days he did not get paid.”

Jaehee nodded and reconfirmed, “We will need to help him get a lawyer for the contract. The chef has mentioned before that his son is illiterate, so I will be contacting Mr. Joyou for recommendations.”

For a brief second, his eyes flashed in confusion. “Are you sure his son is illiterate?”  

He received the third report the next day, proving that the chef’s son was indeed illiterate.

From mysterious messages, it went down south to suspicious messages.

Fortunately, nothing other than passing one-sided notes was happening. The messages were innocent and can sometimes be helpful, thus there was no need to be alarmed.

“Meow~ a kitty a day keeps the purrblem paway!”

It can sometimes be… cute… he begrudgingly confessed. 

That was the first time it made him smile and his heart flutter.

0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0

It was a huge mistake.

All this time, she was digging her own grave, and she had no idea she had dug deep enough to be a knock away from entering the gates of hell. She had been writing him notes to cheer him up and, perhaps, brighten up his troubled days. Pretending to be a maid to gather information unavailable online from a huge company seemed to be a huge hassle. He was tasked to do it for months too; hence, she made sure he wouldn’t get too lonely.

She wrote him notes—which she thought might help him smile—and stuck them on the cup of coffee he would serve for the employees. He never mentioned anything about it whenever they got the chance to chat. It was a bit disappointing, but her little help appeared to be working well. He seemed genuinely happy, and that was the only thing that mattered.

That was until she got a response in the form of a cat-shaped baby blue sticky note.

The coffee area was empty early in the morning. Most employees were yet to arrive, but the tray holding the cup where she usually stuck her messages already had a sticky note attached to it. Her lips touched the rim of the mug, her own sweetened coffee warming her cold lips.

Oh? A response? I wasn’t expecting that….

She took the note, flipping it around to inspect it.

Cat-shaped? Aw, so cute! Seven really loves cats. 

Her eyes scanned the message written.

“Write something about cats today.”

Huh? Wait, hold on, something’s wrong here.

She felt the heavy feeling of dread fill her stomach as she analyzed the piece of paper in her hand. Her mother had always jokingly called her “stupid” when she was in her teens, but she never believed it was true until she actually gave evidences to such hypothesis. Her joke was probably not a half-meant joke but a prediction of what she would become in the near future.

One thing she was certain of….

This is totally not his penmanship.

She had known Seven for years and was one of his closest friends. He would even take her out at random times to get ice cream even when his schedule was loaded. They would write on receipts and draw doodles of whatever came into their imagination. His penmanship was not necessarily messy but it carried its own charm.

This, on the other hand, looked too elegant to be his.

“Umm… good morning, Ma’am,” greeted a young man with brown hair and light brown eyes.

She forced a smile, tucking the note into her skirt’s pocket. “Good morning! Are you gonna grab a coffee?”

“Oh! Umm… no… haha! I am more of a tea person, though I make coffee for the executives.” His laugh sounded awkward, but she thought he looked like a nice guy. “Please do excuse me,” he muttered before passing in front of her, grabbing the tray where the cup with the note was placed.

The coffee she drank nearly burst out of her nose when she choked.

“Miss?” the boy questioned in a low voice, albeit slightly alarmed, “Are you okay?”

Her laugh can sound as fake as it was, but her petrified mind was too horrified to function.

“Ohohoho! I am fine! Nothing to worry about!” she beamed between coughs.

Later that day, Jumin did not get his daily note.

He tried to deny it the best he could, but it was just too evident.

It was the first time it made him upset.

Just a little bit.

0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0

When a week came without a single note from the mysterious messenger, he started to feel unusual. It may be childish of him, but because he had learned to like it, it brought him disappointment to find a typical cup of coffee served in front of him. Perhaps it was from the fact that he forcefully abandoned his childhood before that his childhood spirit came back to bite him now.

Each morning, it got him curious of what secret message he would receive for the day. Will it be another joke? Another cat pun? He learned to find excitement in the short letters and “freebies” that came with it. Once, he got a stamp, and it caused him to raise a single brow.

“What is this?” he asked the chef’s son while he studied the white cat stamp between his fingers.

The chef’s son cocked his head to the side. “I do not have a clue, Mr. Han. I just found it on the tray next to your cup. I assumed it was something important and someone wanted to send it to you.”

It was nothing expensive, yet he kept it displayed on his table.

That was weeks ago… and he missed it.

Again, just a little bit.

0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0

The gossip which greeted her ears the moment she entered the office mortified her beyond belief. Apparently, the heir of the C&R International company had asked if anyone knew of someone who was courageous enough to leave “memos” on his cup of coffee. He worded it terribly, as though it was a violation of the company’s rules and regulation, so it was not a surprise people made a huge deal out of it.

I’m leaving this company. I will never rise from the ashes of my shame and humiliation. Surely, Mr. Trust Fund Kid will know immediately if he’s ever free to check the cctv footage.

With a silent battle cry, she filed her resignation a day later…

and just her luck, a secret agent had successfully stolen quite an important document from the CEO the very same day.

“You are relieved from your mission, Agent 707.”

0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0

“Are you sure you did not misplace it, Father?”

Three people stood inside the CCTV control room. They were surrounded by more than 20 monitors that were flashing previous clips from the past weeks.

“I am sure without a single doubt that I kept it hidden in drawer 7.”

Dark, calculating orbs scrutinized the video. It was the last clip they were reviewing, and it was where the chairman can be last seen holding the documents prior leaving it in drawer 7.

“How can it disappear when no one has entered Father’s room? Have you double checked the system if anything’s amiss?”

He patiently waited for a response while the control manager worked on the system check—his eyes drifting back to the multiple clips they were previously analyzing.

There was Yeonwa chatting with Jaehee...

Jaewoo bringing in three boxes of pizza...

Helena bumping into Chong—

He frowned.

“August 6, 2018” was coded on the top right corner of the screen. If he was not mistaken, the company suspended all works that day to celebrate their successful purchase of Grace Cup Store.

So why are there employees working?

“Mr. Han,” the male manager cut off, “I believe the entire footage was placed in a loop since March using videos back in 2016.”

“Since… March?” He racked his brain for any memory that happened back in March. There were international events, meetings, partnership requests….

“Surprises will start today~ I’ll make sure you’ll enjoy it.^^”

Now that he recalled, he was pretty sure the notes started back in March.

o-o-o-o

Soooo this is meant to be an open-ended oneshot, but we MAY post a second chapter (emphasis on “may”)

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger fanfic #mystic messenger jumin #mystic messenger jumin x mc #mystic messenger oneshot #mystic messenger han jumin #jumin han #jumin #jumin x mc #mysme jumin #mc ya dun goofed

[go-diane-winchester]

Why many Misha fans want haters and non fans to kill themselves.

I was scratching my head for awhile wondering why Misha's fans behave the way they do.  Now I think I might be starting to get a partial clue about that.  He is like a cult leader, because unlike Jensen and Jared who just want to be known for the work that they get paid to do, Misha has more time on his hands and uses it to constantly stay in contact with his fans so that their attention is never diverted from him.   I found a Psychology Today article that made me smirk.  The article is written in the context of a dangerous cult leader but Misha is not that.  He doesn't use aggression.  He uses sympathy.  He puts him in victim mode so that his fans will feel the need to protect him.  Remember that mockumentary that made his fans feel sorry for him?

He has also put himself in the position of an authority figure who has an opinion about charity, the LGBT, slash fiction, feminism and politics amongst other things.  He rarely speaks about the canon aspects of his character and the canon of Supernatural.  And yet he was a director.  His sub group of fans, especially destiel fans, would not have gotten any attention from him, had he been a normal, agenda free individual.  Because he does something as unusual as giving slash fans attention, they latch onto him because they are not going to get that attention elsewhere.  Hellers and minions identify with Misha because he presumably cut himself on the thigh as a ''fat'' child.  I have seen some of his childhood pictures.  He was not fat.  Quite a cutie actually.  Cutters will therefore identify with him even though, he has told many lies about his childhood. 

These are some of the traits that Psychology Today listed.  I had to remove some that fit a dangerous cult leader more than the sympathy junkie that Misha is.  There are some that don't have additional information in bold, because although they feel like Misha traits, I don't have a pinpoint example.  Or there are too many examples.  If you wish to contribute to the updating of this list, please let me know. 

He has a grandiose idea of who he is and what he can achieve. [He refers to himself as an Overlord]

Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, or brilliance. [Used Gish to break Guinness World records] 

Demands blind unquestioned obedience. [calls his fans minions.  A minion are a servile or unimportant follower or underling of a powerful person] 

Requires excessive admiration from followers and outsiders. [Expected fiction authors to write stories about him for free]

Has a sense of entitlement - expecting to be treated special at all times. [wanted to be in the TVGuide graphic despite having no right to be on it]

Is arrogant and haughty in his behavior or attitude.

Has an exaggerated sense of power (entitlement) that allows him to bend rules and break laws. [wants NASA to do Gish related things for him in outerspace.  Admitted to stealing passes from the White house]

Takes sexual advantage of members of his sect or cult. [pandering destiel, and asking Gish participants to do half naked challenges despite knowing that there might be underage participants]

Is hypersensitive to how he is seen or perceived by others. [During the Giving Back Tour, a con headed by him only and not J2, he pitched up only on the Sunday, the way that the leads do for their cons, perhaps to be percieved as a lead himself.  They have a valid reason.  They are working till the last minute.  He had no reason to not be present from Friday evening.  He wants to be like J2.  That con flopped. - thanks for reader inputs because I didn't know this.] 

Publicly devalues others as being inferior, incapable, or not worthy. [calls destiel shippers perverts]

Makes members confess their sins or faults publicly subjecting them to ridicule or humiliation while revealing exploitable weaknesses of the penitent. [pointed out the lap dancer, while she was asking a question and showed the butt plug for no reason even though he could have reported the lapdancer and refused the butt plug]

Has ignored the needs of others, including: biological, physical, emotional, and financial needs. [no support for J2 during the Nolacon scandal, or for Jared during various heller attacks, but spoke up for Danneel because it secures heller sexual fantasies - I have an inkling that HatersOfDanneel might be minions which is why he stopped them, to show her how supportive he is.  Who knows, maybe he set up to do this, so he could rescue her.]

Is frequently boastful of accomplishments. [the receipts can fill a book]

Needs to be the center of attention and does things to distract others to insure that he or she is being noticed by arriving late, using exotic clothing, overdramatic speech, or by making theatrical entrances. [like the chair gag at Comic Con which garnered sympathy from fans, and constantly drawing lewd attention to himself during panels where he is with others.  He didn't like sharing a panel with Sebastian Roche, because Sebastian can out-crass him, and is obligated to sit through a Jared panel because Jared can also be provocative if he so wishes, but enjoys being in a panel with the sexually restrained Jensen, perhaps because it puts him in a powerful position.  And he seldom just steps on stage.  He must say or do something first:  like an accent or something similar.  Once he wore a severely torn T shirt under his jacket and made sure he showed everyone on stage.  The man cant afford a T shirt?]

Doesn’t seem to listen well to needs of others, communication is usually one-way in the form of dictates. [called Jensen a motherf*cker, for speaking unfavorably about his scenes with Cas being decreased] 

Haughtiness, grandiosity, and the need to be controlling is part of his personality. [constantly waving rules set by the CW and CE, for example telling people about the ''I love you'' line, even though he was told not to.  He doesn't follow the rules that others are humble enough to follow.]

Behaves as though people are objects to be used, manipulated or exploited for personal gain. [asked Dean and Cas cosplayers to make out for his leery pleasure]

When criticized, he tends to lash out not just with anger but with rage. [there is a gif somewhere of him telling a critical con guest:  I don't appreciate your tone when she told him he was queer baiting.] [Edit: A wonderful fan sent me the pictures - Thanks]

Anyone who criticizes or questions him, is called an “enemy''. [calls non-minions haters]

Acts imperious at times, not wishing to know what others think or desire. [smashed a Boba Fett cake in Jared's face, without notifying him that the cake was from a fan and was painstakingly made for Jared's birthday.  The cake was inedible after that, and Jared profusely apologized to the fan.  How hurt she must have been.  Misha took the cake on stage, when he had no business to - Edit: thanks to an awesome reader for this input.  I forgot about it, even though it had ticked me off when I learned the truth] 

Is superficially charming.  [Sometimes he cant even muster up a smile at his photo op, unless it is a Cockles one.  He cant even pretend to like his fans]

Habitually puts down others as inferior and only he is superior.  [again minion and pervert.  Jokes that Jensen and Jared got their jobs on the basis of their looks.]

Has a certain coldness or aloofness about him that makes others worry about who this person really is and or whether they really know him. [when he hugged JDM, fans in the background cheered, and Misha looked at them, shook his head in a fed up, irritated manner before focusing at JDM]

Is deeply offended when there are perceived signs of boredom, being ignored or of being slighted.  [told off a fan who said she wasn't supposed to be attending his panel.  She was supposed to be asleep.  She was called because her name ended up on the question line up.  He was so angry, he didn't let her speak.  That transcript is difficult to read.]

Treats others with contempt and arrogance.

Is constantly assessing for those who are a threat or those who revere him.  [SPN Anti-Bullying Twitter is the most communist thing I have ever seen.  It only seeks out Misha critics and does away with them.  Its like communism, fandom style.  Misha is in close contact with Emily Cleghorn who runs this page and participates in Gishwhes.]

The word “I” dominates his conversations. He is oblivious to how often he references himself. [With Misha it might be the opposite.  He tries to project a kicked puppy personality.  Watch his body language carefully]

Hates to be embarrassed or fail publicly - when he does he acts out with rage.  [Just drink your effen water and get off the stage - could be a joke, or could be something else.  Its was said to Jensen who laughed about it, but you never know how he perceived this outburst.]

Doesn’t seem to feel guilty for anything he has done wrong nor does he apologize for his actions.  [Didn't apologize for slavery or roofie joke]

Believes he possesses the answers and solutions to world problems.  [Gishwhes is more about his ego, wasting food and stripping down to nothing, for his enjoyment more than anything else.  But he thinks it will solve problems.  Other than creating a spectacle, and reaching the attention of Larry King, it doesn't seem to do any good because what good could the Record breaking largest number of people dressed as French maids do to better the world.  And he waste food, whilst taking part in a marathon to end child hunger.  He doesn't realize how hypocritical that is]

Believes himself to be a deity or a chosen representative of a deity. [Haha, I don't know if bragging about being accused of being the anti-Christ counts, because what decent person brags about that.  Just added it here, as a laugh.]

Rigid, unbending, or insensitive describes how this person thinks.  [Made Jensen tell the story, during their Jib panel, that made Jensen break down earlier - bashed the Bible]

Tries to control others in what they do, read, view, or think. 

Seems to be highly dependent of tribute and adoration and will often fish for compliments.  [wanted fiction writers to write a story about him for free - this is worth a second mention because of how arrogant it is]

Uses enforcers or sycophants to insure compliance from members or believers.  [Has journalists in media outlets like Geekiary, Hypable and possibly others doing his bidding, including attacking the leads on social media, for saying something contradictory to what Misha is saying.  Natalie Fisher of Hypable is more notable for doing this.]

Sees self as “unstoppable” perhaps has even said so.  [With regards to Misha, he might say it about Random Acts or Gish because he want to project being 'humble'.]

Conceals background or family which would disclose how plain or ordinary he is.  [Lied about being poor to garner sympathy - lied about only receiving elite education, because he has never been to public school, and says he lived on his friend, Darius's handouts, including meals, which makes me wonder how trust worthy Misha's friend is. Because don't elite private schools provide meals and uniforms - lied about being mugged]

A gazillion thank yous to my awesome friend, whom I will now refer to as Sam the researcher, because this is the second obscure piece of evidence that she found for me.  I have been looking for it, for too long, fruitlessly.  Also thanks for the second and third ones. 

@iamacynic seems to think non-Misha fans were born without the faculty of thinking.  So this person accused me of being non-empathetic to the fact that Misha was poor and living in a tent.  Do you think nobody knows that?  When Misha first told the story of being poor and having a druggie for a mother, he got a lot of sympathy, which is why over the years, the story has become more and more elaborate.  The Overlord had found his niche.  Misha was poor from birth till age 3.  Mom married a guy who was loaded and who took over responsibility of Misha and his brother.  From 4 till now, Misha has been a rich man.  The elite private schools Misha attended cost more than $50 000 per annum.  Misha attended Greenfield Centre and then Northfield Mount Herman.  He has never attended a public school.  And Misha doesn't remember any of that?  All he remembers is the first 3 years of his life?  Realistically, person will only remember a smidgen of the third year of his life.  Unless someone out there remember age one.  Raise your hands.  Tell us about your extraordinary memory. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/spycatcher/201208/dangerous-cult-leaders

#misha collins #misha #jenmisheel #jenmish #destiel #dean winchester #deancas #casdean #dean x castiel #destiel headcanon #jdvm #jensen ackles #jensen and misha #sam winchester #sam and dean #wincest #castiel #cas #cockles #jensen and jared #dean and cas #bi dean #dean is bi #supernatural #spn #spnfandom #spnfamily #jared padalecki #padackles #performing dean

[lifeisdabubbles-undersalmondean]

La Pomme ~ Chapter 10

Pairing: Sam x OC (eventual Dean x OC and Dean x Castiel. And I mean eventual.)

Series summary: George is a casual French-Mistake-universe Supernatural fan living in no-COVID 2020, who's life is upended when she's suddenly launched between realities, two years into the boys' past (S13E22). What begins as an insane, immersive fan experience turns into more when Jack goes missing and George offers up her AU information to help track him down. Soon it's discovered that she and Sam may actually have history. But that's impossible, right?

Word Count: 4,500

Warnings: {smut, fluff, angst, show level violence, swearing, mentions of suicide} ***Detailed warnings will be tagged for specific chapters.

A/N: Following the events of my prequel Paradise and second story From My Eyes Off. Reading those first gives context but isn’t necessary to start this one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About 4 hours later, George stirred awake as she began getting hit in the face with the bright morning sun. She was surprised to find Sam driving, with Dean passed out next to him. Castiel looked like he hadn't moved an inch since she'd closed her eyes and she smiled at his resolve. When she finally shifted, she noticed a large unfamiliar, tan jacket laying across her lap.

Reaching up to lightly touch Sam on the shoulder, gently alerting him to her presence, she whispered, "What time is it?"

"Hey, morning. A little after six. You doing OK? Need to pee?" He teased gently and she smiled.

"I'm alright at the moment, though I wouldn't turn down a chance to stretch my legs." She sat up in her seat, stretching as much as she could without invading Cas' space. Sam watched in the rear view as she crossed her arms above her head and arched her back for a stretch. He caught himself admiring the way the fabric of her shirt lifted up just enough for him to catch a fleeting glimpse of the skin on her waist. There was more bright ink peeking out from the top of her khakis, he noticed. She released the stretch much too soon in his opinion and then leaned over to pick up the jacket that had fallen off of her lap. She held it up questioningly to Sam and he adjusted himself in his seat, clearing his throat.

"Oh, that's, uh-mine." He stuttered, reaching back and taking it from her outstretched hands. "The backseat can get cold."

"Mm," She smiled and nodded appreciatively. "Thanks. How long have you been driving?"

"Just about 3 hours. I could use a stretch myself; I think there's a rest stop ahead a few miles." She nodded lazily, still brushing off the sleep, and looked over at Cas.

"You been keeping a weather eye out, Castiel?" She asked teasingly.

"Yes ma'am. Can never be too careful with these two." As nervous as she made him, he actually liked George. She eagerly included him in conversation and car games, which he wasn't used to. He also enjoyed her attempts to banter with him and he was getting better at deciphering them and even participating.

"Good man." She patted his shoulder appreciatively.

Cas nodded in solidarity, then he raised an eyebrow at her inquisitively. George smiled and raised both her eyebrows in response, waiting for him to speak. Based on his expression, she assumed he wanted to ask her a question. When he didn't speak, she raised her eyebrows more to encourage him. He darted his eyes to Sam; his face dropped quickly.

George followed his gaze to Sam and was startled at the daggers he was staring at Cas. She asked, "What? What's with the eyes?"

When Sam noticed her looking, he dropped his angry face and shrugged, "Nothin'? No eyes." Cas shrugged awkwardly in agreement. George looked between the two of them skeptically. She knew what she saw.

Narrowing her eyes, she demanded, "What?"

"Nothing," Cas stated with an incredibly unconvincing tone. George's head whipped to look at Sam as he rolled his eyes at Cas before he could stop himself.

She was annoyed now, "Seriously, guys-what?! Do I have a zit? Was I drooling in my sleep or-?" Her face fell suddenly and she winced, "Did I say something embarrassing?" She'd had partners mention her sleep talking once or twice and she'd been having a strangely vivid dream about Sam just before the sunshine woke her up. Considering the content, she prayed she hadn't said anything.

At her question, Cas and Sam exchanged a confused look. They both shook their heads as Sam answered, "Nope, no drooling, no talking. And no zits," he ended with a smirk.

George looked relieved for a moment and then frowned, "Then what? Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked Cas and then looked at Sam, "And why are you trying to keep him quiet?"

Sam pulled an innocent face, "I'm not-"

"Save it, dude! I saw you," George laughed at his innocent-little-brother face. "What's goin' on?"

Cas folded, "We were just wonder-"

Sam cut him off with a "No!" so loud that Dean startled awake with a snort.

"The hell?" Dean grumbled. Sam sighed defeatedly. He knew it was too late to stop the inevitable now, but he'd really tried. This was going to be painful.

"I believe your thug brother is threatening Castiel into keeping secrets," George stated annoyedly, crossing her arms over her chest.

Wiping the sleep from his eyes, Dean responded with a confused, "Huh?"

Castiel explained, defensively, "I was just trying to ask George if she's a 'Deangirl' or a 'Samgirl'."

George's eyes went wide. Large, angry red splotches began to appear on her pale cheeks and a sweat broke out on her brow. Sam gripped the steering wheel tightly, clenching his jaw and looking mortified.

Dean let out a loud, "Ha!" Chuckling, he sat up right and murmured, "Definitely glad I got woken up for this."

"What?" Cas huffed, seeing everyone's reactions. "I know you said we weren't supposed to say anything when she woke up, but you two were having a lively discussion about it earlier and I j-"

George choked on nothing and sputtered, "The two of you were having a lively discussion about wheth-" Dean and Sam both pulled the same innocent expression, though Dean couldn't hide his glee.

Sam cut her off with a stutter, "We weren't-It-it wasn't exactly-there was no-"

Dean shook his head, cutting him off with a matter-of-fact, "We were just trying to explain to Cas more about the reality you came from-with the show and everything? Naturally the subject of the fans came up..."

"They weren't sure which 'girl' designation you fell into. I didn't see what the issue was with just politely asking?"

"It's not a polite question, Cas!" George snapped in humiliation.

"Oh…" He frowned, "why not?"

"Because!" She explained fully.

"There are just some things you don't ask a woman, Cas," Dean offered with a bemused chuckle.

Cas' brows furrowed, looking curiously at George, "Does this question somehow relate to your age or menstrual cycle?"

"Sweet Jesus," George laughed to keep from crying in embarrassment, hiding her face behind her hands. She knew this was how Cas was but she wasn't prepared to experience his naivete in real life. The Kegel comments she could handle but this was beyond.

Sam desperately tried to re-rail the train wreck that was happening, "Cas, what Dean meant to say was, there are some things you shouldn't ask people. Humans, in general. Private things."

"Mortifying things," George groaned from behind her hands.

Cas was still confused, "And asking someone whether they're a 'Samgirl' or a 'Deangirl' is private?"

George dropped her hands and nodded emphatically, "In the context of our current situation, yes!"

"Why?"

"Because!" When he looked at her with a patient expression on his face she realized he'd need more than that. "Because… because…" she looked to Sam and Dean for help but neither one offered any. "Ugh, because it's the same as asking... 'Hey, Cas, if you had to, who would you rather sleep with, Dean or Sam?'"

"Don't answer that," Dean said slowly, with a frown.

"Not so amusing now, is it?" George smirked triumphantly at him.

"Well, I don't sleep but if you're saying I have to, then I guess I'd rather not-sleep with Sam," Castiel determined, after some thought.

"What?!" Came a half offended, half surprised echo from the front.

George's eyes lit up with far too much glee, "Oooooh?"

"Yes, definitely Sam," He nodded, more sure than before. Seeing their expressions - George's filled with joy, Dean's slightly hurt, and Sam pleasantly shocked - he explained, "Dean is an angry sleeper. The risk of getting shot is high. Sleeping-or not-with Sam would be far safer."

"Oooh, darn!" George laughed disappointedly at Cas' unexpected-yet-entirely-expected literal interpretation. The brothers looked relieved and also mildly amused.

Cas was lost, "I fail to understand what this has to do with-"

Dean 'ughed' deeply before explaining, "It's about sex, Cas." Sam cringed, eyes focused on the road. George groaned painfully and turtled her head inside her shirt as much as possible. "You essentially asked George which one of us she'd rather have sex with. Which-while incredibly entertaining for me-is a personal question," he finished uncharacteristically kindly.

George peeked her eyes out, surprised to see the sincere look on Dean's face, "Hmm, that actually wasn't as bad as I thou-"

Sam cut her off with a quiet, knowing, "Wait for it."

Just as George made eye contact with Dean he added, "I mean, it's none of our business how much sex George wants to have with Sam."

"And there it is," Sam finished knowingly with a frustrated eye roll.

"Ass!" George shrieked and punched Dean in the shoulder before retreating back into her shirt. Dean laughed heartily, flinching a bit.

"So, anyway," Sam began helpfully, trying to change the subject. "I'm kinda curious how much the show-the one of us, in-in your reality-how much it matches up with our real lives?"

George slowly came out of her shirt, blinking quickly, and thought for a moment, "Uhm, well I don't really know. I mean I've watched the show but like I said before, I wasn't the biggest fan in terms of… for lack of a better term, 'the lore' of it. I know bits and pieces here and there, but I'm by no means an expert."

"But you don't have the books?" Dean followed up curiously.

"The books are in the show, but I'm pretty sure they aren't published in… my 'real life'-who knows what the hell that is anymore. If I understand correctly, each book was supposed to equate to one episode in a season of the TV show. The published books stopped when Dean went to hell right?" Dean grumbled a yes and George continued, "OK, for the TV show that's the end of season three."

"How many seasons are there?" Dean asked curiously.

"Uhh, I think fifteen, so far?" Had it been canceled? She couldn't remember.

"Fifteen?! People have been watching our lives for-" Dean cut off and took a breath. "I can't decide if I'm annoyed that people are watching our boring ass lives for that long or that our lives are dramatic enough to be a television show for that long."

"What season did we come to your reality?" Sam wondered. Dean 'ughed' loudly at the memory.

With an amused shake of her head, she answered, "Season six, I think? Such a great episode! That whole season was pretty solid, actually. A great combination of funny yet emotionally gripping. I think that was also Cas and Meg kissing-" She looked at Cas earnestly and interjected into her own rambling, "That was awesome-and the posse magnet episode-which, btw, of course, people made shirts of that." For once in this conversation Dean looked happy, giving Sam a pleased expression, which garnered an eyeroll.

"If I'm not mistaken that was also the season with soul-" she was about to say "soulless Sam" but her heart twinged and she realized she couldn't be so flippant with the fandom created monikers anymore. These were no longer just characters, they were, inexplicably, very real people whom she now knew.

And cared about, she heard a tiny voice add.

"Er, it covered Sam's time after hell…without a soul," She grimaced a bit in sympathy, not knowing how best to fill in the blanks.

Sam's face went from startled to shame on a small delay. Further confirmation that she knew of the million awful things he'd done, he grimaced. If she knew everything it could not bode well. The thought filled him with a surprising amount of disappointment.

She'd seen the look on his face and quickly added with a hopeful smile, "And it also covered the time after you got your soul back! Which included the French Mistake!"

"The French Mistake?" Castiel asked.

"The one when they came to my reality!" George grinned and Dean made a yuck face. "You guys had so much great chemistry that episode. Making fun of their names and the alpacas, it was golden. Can't say enough about how hilarious that episode was. I was surprised by the dialogue about their tension on set because that's actually always been rumored to be true. It seems weird that they'd talk about it if it was true, though, so who knows what to think?" The men in the car certainly didn't but they nodded politely and let her ramble. "So, either it's all just stupid rumors and they find it funny or-HOLD ON!" Suddenly her face fell and she looked at Sam in shock upon realizing, "Did you sleep with Jared's wife?"

Three pairs of eyes were boring into Sam and he shrunk down in his seat, looking stunned and stuttering, "Er-I-Uh-You-you know abou-"

"You had sex with fake Ruby?!" Dean was beyond indignant.

"Who's Jared?" Cas asked.

Sam looked mortified and George instantly felt bad about starting them down this path. She hadn't meant to embarrass him, she just failed to think before she spoke sometimes. Especially after realizations like that. Obviously, this whole "Supernatural is real" had more ramifications than she'd realized.

Making a mental note to maybe ask him about it later, she quickly changed the subject, "They were filming the French Mistake when we lost Misha." Frowning sadly, she patted Castiel's knee, "I want you to know I was devastated about that. Misha was my favorite Castiel."

Castiel looked confused, glancing at Sam and Dean, "Thank you?" She smiled and squeezed his knee gently before letting go. "So, in your reality, I'm dead?" Castiel asked with a contemplative look.

"Well…" She paused, trying to think of how to explain it so he would understand, "you're not-er Castiel is not. But the actor who played the vessel you're currently inhabiting is."

"Jimmy Novak?" Castiel confirmed and George nodded a bit.

"That sounds right," She agreed; she'd only seen the episode once so she couldn't be sure. "When Misha died tragically in that horrible stabbing 'accident,' the writers were just going to write Castiel out of the show but the fandom fired upon them with the white hot rage of a Deastiel shipper left unsatisfied," Her eyes were wide with emphasis; Sam snickered, Dean huffed and Castiel was oblivious, "so they quickly brought you back in a new vessel a couple episodes later." {author's note: yes I prefer 'Deastiel', it makes the most sense for the mashup of both their names IMO and it's my story}

The three men considered the scenario for a minute. Sam seemed unsure, Dean wondered what the new actor looked like, and Cas paused, then nodded, "Well, I suppose that makes sense. If I could find another vessel willing and able to hold me I'd want to still be around to help." George smiled at his loyalty. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed MishaCas. The replacement actor was fine but to her, the chemistry was never the same.

George said absentmindedly, "As far as I can tell-though my knowledge is obviously limited-most of the rest of the story line from the show has been the same here? Castiel's the only major difference I recognize."

After a long, pregnant pause, Dean asked tentatively, "So… exactly, how much do you know about us?"

George squinted a little at him and asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well… like, do they show everything?"

George smirked and shook her head, "It's basic cable not HBO. Maybe a handful of shirtless scenes but nothing Game of Thrones graphic. The focus of the show is the supernatural-is you guys, hunting and saving and all that, so not really a lot of romantic, naked stuff. The focus of the fandom, on the other hand? Well that's a very different story," She cracked with a chuckle.

The next nine or so hours of their car ride passed fairly uneventfully as George rambled about the show, asking them questions and comparing notes about their lives. Dean took over driving after a pitstop and as the hours turned into nearly day(s), everyone-including Cas-started getting a little punchy, not to mention ripe. Nice, fun friendly games of I-Spy or the license plate game had dissolved into butt-hurt bickering and the silence that returned to the car for the last two hours had been welcomed by everyone.

Finally, though, George caught a road sign for Reno, Nevada - 30 miles and decided she couldn't take it anymore. She was sore, tired, tired of wearing a bra, in desperate need of a shower-or three, and she didn't know how much longer she could keep silently farting and blaming it on Cas. Luckily for her, he remained his usual indifferent self but Dean certainly seemed to be getting suspicious of the smells emanating from the back. She also made the startling realization that she had no change of clothes with her during one of her earlier daydreams about a long hot bath. Hopefully she'd made enough headway with Dean for him not to be too pissed when she mentioned it.

"Hey, I have a fun new game we could try." George paused to allow the three grumpuses to groan in unison before continuing, "it's called let's stop in a real town-say Reno!-and get some actual food and maybe a hotel room for some actual sleep for the first time in 24 hours! Any takers?" She tried to keep her expectations low. "Dean, I bet Reno has great pie."

"You know what George?" Dean began in a mock angry voice, pausing for dramatic effect. "They have some damn good pie in Reno. Remember that one place just off the 659, Sammy? That pie was orgasmic! What was that place called…"

"Brown Cub Diner?" George offered.

"That's it! How'd you know?"

"I'm from Carson City; I grew up around here. Brown Cub Diner is famous in our area. Have you tried their pancakes? They have a special sweet cream batter and those flapjacks just melt in your mouth." She saw Dean's reaction and could almost taste the hot, bubbly bath water and nice soft warm (flat!) mattress. She pressed on, "I think we're only about 30 minutes from there?"

"Ya know Dean, we have been driving for about 24 hours. Obviously, we need to get to Jack but we're of no use to him if we're sore and exhausted. Wouldn't be such a bad idea to take a break, get some good food, take a shower," he gave an exaggerated, unpleasant smell look in George's direction and she swatted his shoulder, "and recharge before hitting the road for the last stretch?" George could have kissed Sam for the assist, even if he did use it as an excuse to call her funky. Rude.

"Fine," Dean huffed and everyone, well Sam and George, Cas was pretty indifferent, celebrated with high fives. "But we're getting pie-and pancakes-first!"

"Uh, if I could just interject one quick additional favor?" George asked, causing Dean to let out a low exasperated, yet questioning growl. "I literally only have the clothes on my back and seeing as how there also happens to be a Target just off the freeway on Sparks Blvd coming up in 2 miles," she pointed to the excellently timed street sign they were passing, "then perhaps we could make a super quick stop so that I could get a change of clothes or two?" It all came out in one breath and she stopped to catch her next. "Pretty please?"

Dean remained silent as he drove the next two miles and George was starting to feel deflated. But when he pulled off the Sparks Blvd exit, she wrapped her arms around his neck from behind for a thank you hug, causing him to swerve slightly and curse before gently sloughing her off. They arrived at Target and Dean parked toward the back, keeping his baby away from any other riff raff cars. Turning off the engine, he then produced a wallet from his back pocket. He dug out a small stack of $20s and handed it to her.

"We typically like to pay for things, Sticky Fingers." Dean began.

"With all your stolen money?" She asked cheekily, because she just couldn't help herself either. He was the quintessential big brother and it set her little sister mode on 11 every time.

He paused and gave her a squinted stare before continuing, "In and out in 30 minutes; those flapjacks are calling my name!"

She thanked Dean for the cash, promising to pay him back before realizing how impossible that was, and the three boys decided to wait in the car while she ran in.

Heading first for the toiletries for some personal essentials, she then doubled back toward the front where she picked up a generic pair of tennies-comfort and function seemed more important than style in her current situation-and a packet of white socks. Next she grabbed up two half-decent bras and a pack of underwear before crossing over to the racks of outerwear. She'd tried to work out in the car how many items she'd need and to keep things conservative she figured a two-three pair of pants and the same amount of plain shirts would suffice. She'd finally settled on two pairs of dark denim boot cut jeans and one pair of black cotton joggers, along with two fitted, v-neck, long sleeved t-shirts, one in navy, one in maroon, a black sleeveless undershirt, and couldn't help grabbing an oversized pink and black madres plaid button down. She also grabbed a black pull over hoodie with the Friends logo, since she knew that the redwoods could get pretty cold and she was stoked that Friends was still a thing in this reality. Lastly, she grabbed a pair of plain, flowy black PJ pants and a large men's pale blue v-neck tee for sleeping, and made her way toward the register.

As she waited in line with her cart, spacing out about whether or not she grabbed too much or not enough of each clothing item, she caught a glimpse of something familiar out of the corner of her eye. Three lanes away from her a short, chubby woman with mousy, short brown and graying hair, wearing a familiar pale green jacket was also checking out. From behind, the woman looked exactly like George's mother and she felt whiplashed back to her reality.

"Mom?" Her voice came out scratchy and quiet as she involuntarily called out to the woman. Part of her felt compelled to scream out, run over and grab her into a hug, listen happily as her mom comfortingly told George that everything was OK and she'd just been dreaming. But she was frozen in place by shock. Her heart pounded in her chest as she watched the woman-her mother! She was sure of it!-finish her transaction and head for the front door. George looked back at her cart and the money in her hand. She debated with herself for half a second before abandoning the shopping cart and bolting after the pale green jacket that had exited the store and disappeared from her sight. She made chase, stopping at the edge of the sidewalk in front of the store and frantically searching the parking lot for the woman.

When George finally spotted her unloading her purchases into a car she didn't recognize, George's stomach dropped. She could now see her face and it was very clear that the lovely middle eastern woman was not her mother. Tears began welling up in George's eyes, her face flushed red from emotion, and she walked over to lean on the building, trying to get a hold of herself.

Her mind was racing and she was trying to catch her breath in her panicked state. She had gotten so swept up in the adventure and insanity of this dreamlike experience that she'd forgotten about her actual life for the past 24 hours. But now that she thought about her old, boring normal life-a life where she wasn't crazy; where she wasn't feeling this constant, strange, unshakable feeling of inaccessible deja vu; where she wasn't carpooling with an angel to go rescue someone from potential death; where she wasn't conversing with Sam and Dean motherfucking Winchester-she wanted to run. All knowledge of how difficult and far-from-perfect her real life had been were forgotten in the moment. She glanced over toward the back of the parking lot where she could still see the Impala parked where she'd left it, then pulled the money out of her pocket, counting through it - $300.

As fate would have it, she spotted a taxi dropping a couple off near the corner of the building and jogged over.

"Are you taking fares?" She bent over to ask the driver as the couple walked away.

"Where you going?"

"Carson City?" George almost hoped the woman would turn her down.

"That's nearly 40 miles away, it's gonna be over $100?" The driver responded, questioningly. George shot one last guilty look back at the Impala before climbing into the back.

"Let's go." She crouched down low in her seat as they exited the parking lot and tried to ignore the intense guilt-nausea building in the pit of her stomach.

#supernatural fanfiction #supernatural #supernatural fanfic #sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester #sam winchester fanfic #sam winchester x original character #sam winchester x original female character #spn fanfic series #spn fanfiction

[linkspooky]

Omake + Meta = Ometa

It’s time once again to over analyze the omake. Jokes? What are those.

All of the omake cited in this meta are translated by @kenkamishiro​ and can be found on this tag [x]. 

Mutsuki’s Power Level

The first omake to have anything potentially of substance is the confrontation between Shinsanpei and Urie. A confrontation which also results in a return of Urie 400%, but we’ll get to that in a moment. The new details are the tidbits that are shown in Shinsanpei and Urie’s brief exchange of words.

Let’s cover that and more under the cut: 

The first is that Urie mistakes Mutsuki for Aura at first, which supports the notion that Aura at this moment exists as a foil to Mutsuki which is the reason the two are so often being partnered up.

Shinsanpei mirrors Mutsuki’s own transformation from a timid personality to one that revels in violence. He also shares the same eye motife, as seen above either one or both of Shinsanpei’s eyes are always covered only revealing themselves when he becomes especially bloodthirsty. Shinsanpei’s mirroring of Mutsuki though is to a much more minor extent and for lesser reasoning, something the omake seems to acknowledge even with Higemaru calling him an “Aunt-Con”. Perhaps by foiling Mutsuki to a character whose motivations are much more shallow and petty, as Aura herself does not want Shinsanpei to avenge her, it also highlights who despite the anger that Mutsuki justifyingly feels at the world for abandoning him and the suffering he’s endured, his current acts are in a way just as selfish as Shinsanpei’s. 

There’s also two more pieces of foreshadowing, Shinsanpei hints that Mutsuki is actually much more powerful than Urie currently is and somebody who needs to be competed with. This was also hinted as far back as the Donato fight, where it was implied that Mutsuki had a much higher rc cell count already then Urie who was hitting dangerous levels. 

As for how he attained these levels, it’s implied as far back as 100 that Mutsuki has been killing and hunting humans. Perhaps even eating them in service of strengthening his kagune. Which would also make sense with what Shinsanpei implied next, that he too like Urie could reach the same level of kagune formation when he framed out. Something that probably would only be possible if Shinsanpei began to eat human, or even ghoul meat alongside Mutsuki. His humiliating loss to Kaneki Ken could have served as proper motivator to do so. 

The Return of Urie 400%

Urie 400% has always been foreshadowing for Urie’s inevitable transformation into a kakuja. If the fact that it already happened is not enough proof to convince, I’ve already written a meta on it here [x].

As I’ve highlighted though, this return of the Urie 400% is even more monstrous than the previous one. It has features such as giant protrusions from the shoulders, and multiple eyes. The first has been shown to be a trait of Urie’s framing out, while the second is a trait of many Kakuja’s before Urie, Eto, Tatara, and Kurona to name examples. 

Thematically it makes sense for Urie to frame out again too, as previously he was saved from facing any real narrative consequence for his own actions by Saiko. In other words he was “saved from the web.” However despite literally endangering the mission and attacking his own comrades something that was eluded to be punishable by death if a Quinx were to lose control of themselves, Urie was promoted. 

A promotion that he did not in any way earn considering that he literally broke the one biggest rule of the Quinx. Not only that but there is a great deal of fallout one would presume from Urie smashing his frames entirely and becoming a full ghoul, something that the audience has not witnessed. There is no mention of what Urie is now eating, or if he’s being treated the same way Sasaki was, or if he’s truly become a full ghoul despite all hints that he indeed has. Urie has not even begun to sympathize ghouls, only being moved to action because of his feelings towards humans, Yoriko and Bujin in particular. The obvious conclusion then is that Urie’s character arc is not done yet but rather Saiko served as to Urie, what every character has been doing to ignore the consequences of their action in this arc. That is to deeply engage with personal relationships instead of looking at one’s self. 

The consequence for this might be Urie being set up as what he hates the most.

Urie being placed in a life or death situation with no Quincke against Furuta and two of the strongest ghouls in the series may force him to frame out and if he has truly been eating ghoul meat instead of human meat in order to sustain himself now that human food is impossible to eat, he might even develop a full Kakuja. In that case Furuta would have all the evidence he needs to frame the murders of Kuroiwa and others on Urie himself, and place him on the execution block. After all, Furuta put a special focus on witnesses when he made his move against them. Furuta’s word in that situation would count far more than Urie’s.

The suggestion in the omake that Shinsanpei himself might also be capable of framing out the way that Urie did is also a deadly suggestion for the future of the Q’s. After all when Furuta makes mention of his dragon, what shows up is a picture of each of the three first generation Q’s still alive.

The Q’s project was also originally credited as Tsuneyoshi’s idea. Perhaps Furuta might even use Urie’s framing out as a power play to gain control of the remaining first and second generation Q’s in order to form his dragon, or even worse he might expunge them from the CCG entirely and declare them a threat to safety which would cash in Saiko’s own foreshadowing laden words “I’ll become a terrorist” in a way she never would have wanted to come to fruition.

Hanbee’s Death and Suzuya’s Changing Sides

Nakarai misunderstands in the omake and says that he would probably kill Hanbee if the fighting were to end. This joke is a part of a long running series of gags where Hanbee is injured by a member of Suzuya squad, or a member makes a light reference to hurting him. In fact Hanbee has been shown stabbed in the head too many times in the omake to make it a mere coincidence.

This also makes sense as a narrative consequence to Suzuya. He said himself that he might just become a ghoul were the conflict to end, he’s already thinking of switching sides. The thing that currently keeps him in place is the fleeting hope that Shinohara come back, and the idea that he has to act in Shinohara’s memory.

The same way that Urie has not learned to see Ghouls as people, Suzuya has not learned to sustain loss in any kind of way. All he can do is hope for the increasingly impossible return of Shinohara, the first human connection he has. Even when surrounded by four people literally devoted to his existence, Suzuya cannot stop his pining for Shinohara because he cannot feel and move on from that loss. 

The Suzuya Squad also, act as a sort of buffer that prevents Juuzou from really facing consequence. They protected him during the Kurona fight even though Kurona was a case of reaping what he sewed by killing her sister all those years ago and having yet to show any remorse. When Uta played withhis feelings for Shinohara, it was Abara still who snapped Juuzou out of it immediately rather than Juuzou facing those feelings and snapping himself out.

If the bubble were to be removed than Juuzou would grow, and grow he must if he’s a character that exists within a narrative. 

Child’s Play

This entire omake seems to be hinting at the fact that 24 year old Furuta, 23 year old Kaneki are about the same general maturity level of thirteen year old Ayato when he first said that quote.

It’s a further hint that both kings are really just children playing a game. Something that was also hinted at in the previous omake too when Kaneki turned crucial information into a game of 20 questions.

Kaneki also refers to himself as a child when conversing with Furuta in the past, Furuta calls him his baby faced boss when facing off in the cochlea with Rotten follow, and Kaneki’s shadow image of himself, the incnarnation of his memories when he was still Haise was that of a child. Furuta at the same time was born at a leap day, and refers to himself as being only six years old in his birthday poem. 

A Dummy, That’s what I am

Finally, I think it’s important here that the omake shows Yoriko’s general obliviousness towards ghouls.

She refers to them as “those monsters”. This is the same character whose best friend is a ghoul and who is currently being executed in her name. The fact that she thinks of him falling off a building is a twofold reference, one that Kuroiwa literally was pushed off of a building and survived when Eto landed as the one eyed owl. Revenge probably for what Kuroiwa himself did to her when he was only fourteen, as Eto references falling in her flashback. The second is her musing that a ghoul might not be able to survive a fall from that height is a reference again to both Eto and Kanae who did fall off a particularly large building, though one survived and one did not. 

It’s probably not anything particularly meaningful but it’s an interesting case of parallelism at least. Iwao also says something that is important towards his and Bujin’s characterization. 

“We’re both quite simple people” both Bujin and Kuroiwa are shown to be to the book to the point of it being a flaw. Their own actions against ghouls may een be for reasons as simple as Yoriko’s, that they simply are oblivious to the fact that they might feel human emotions. The same way Yoriko  describes them offhandedly as “those monsters” as if she barely knows about them, even though she spent a good portion of her life with one.

It speaks again of the privilege that humans have to be above this sort of conflict. Iwao and Bujin to this point have never needed to relate to ghouls, or treat the CCG as anything other than a 9 to 5 job they participated in. The same for Yoriko who married a ghoul investigator while knowing nothing about ghouls and inadvertantly led him to her best friend a ghoul herself. Yoriko’s fatal flaw in this case is her own obliviousness. Perhaps she did not deserve to be executed by that fact or exploited the way Furuta did, but Yoriko herself even scolds herself for not noticing. 

For buying into the simple illusion that Touka was perfectly happy eating her food, the easy lie that they were happy all along in their simple friendship. Had Yoriko bothered to notice, Touka would not have been all alone in her pain. 

#tg meta #meta #tokyo ghoul meta #urie kuki #yoriko kosaka #iwao kuroiwa #takeomi kuroiwa #suzuya juuzou

[janeykath318]

The Princess Uhura Diaries

June 6 This girl is a college graduate!!! Woohoo! So happy to have my degree at last. Harvard is no joke, believe me. Even Grandmother almost smiled at me when I saw her after the ceremony. I may fall short in the social graces, but she can't doubt my brains! Celebrated with the girls, then said goodbye and Scotty the Royal Terrier and I are now on the plane back to Genovia. I'll miss my school sisters big time, but duty calls. I'm being groomed for queenhood someday and Grandmother wants me back there for more tutoring in the ways of being royal. Sigh. 

June 8th Landed back in Genovia yesterday and found a couple big surprises. Grandmother renovated and updated a new suite for me. It's mind-blowing luxurious. The walk in closet is to DIE for. That'll come in handy for my extensive shoe collection. The bathroom is larger than my whole bedroom at Mom's and the bed.....well, it's every princess's dream. But that wasn't the only thing that surprised me. When I went in to my giant closet, who should pop up but Gaila, my bestie from New York!! There was lots of squealing and catching up after that. She came all the way over here for my party, bless her heart. June 15th I survived the party, thanks to Gaila and the cute guy I almost ran over on the dance floor. Yum-yum. It started Off like any other royal bash, me coming forth in my fancy gown introduced to a crowd of nobles and diplomats and forced to dance with a motley assortment of stuffed shirts. Ugh. The Pimply French kid was the worst. Then there was the awkward Swedish prince who stepped on my toes three times. I was so relieved to get away from him, I ran smack dab into some poor guy just standing there minding his own business, stepping on his foot even. He kind of doubled over for a second and I apologized as profusely as I could, dying with embarrassment at my perpetual clumsiness. Then he looked up at me and I met the most stunning pair of blue eyes I'd ever seen. He was kind of surprised himself I think, before he recovered and I made a joke about insurance information to which he smoothly replied in kind. It was almost flirting, but I was so relieved to finally meet a decent guy, I agreed to a dance almost before he'd finished asking. June 16th So much for a decent guy. Turns out he's gunning for my crown!! Today Gran had an uncomfortable meeting with parliament and they brought up the old law that requires a female to be married in order to inherit the crown!! I thought they'd done away with anachronistic, sexist rules like that. Evidently not. So, I've got to get myself a man before my next birthday or this James Tiberius Kirk brat gets a chance to lay claim to the throne. I don't know how, but his Uncle, the Viscount Mabry, said he should get the throne because he's more familiar with the Genovian society. Then, he brought him over to live here for the summer! When I saw who it was, well, I was steamed and disappointed. Let's just say, this time, when I stepped on his foot, it wasn't an accident. Gran said afterward, "As a Queen, I cannot condone it, but as a Grandma, I say RIGHT ON!!" I love that woman. June 22 Ever since HE moved in, I feel on edge everyday, like they're looking for reasons I shouldn't be allowed to rule. The Viscount is always sneering and sniffing at me and James is trying to pretend like he's not a lying scumbag. If it weren't for Gaila's refreshing presence, I'd have ripped out my hair by now, or thrown myself in the duck pond. First there was the embarrassing episode with the runaway chicken. I admit, it was stupid of me to open the clucking basket, but James looked way too tickled by my mortification. Then there was the inspection of the guard and I had to ride sidesaddle past the whole company without looking like I was in mortal fear of falling to a terrible demise. Of course, the supposedly calm horse spooked at something and knocked me on my rear anyway. Needless to say, my humiliation was complete, AGAIN. I saw Joe looking very grim and somewhat menacing at the Viscount, but I have no idea why. James had the goodness to keep his mouth shut for once. June 27 Gram is dead set on finding me a husband now. She loathes the Viscount and his schemes to get his nephew the throne. So she and Joe started vetting possible candidates and last night Gaila and looked through the options. It felt creepy. Who wants to pick their husband like he's a dinner option on a menu? But Parliament would have to abolish the longheld law with a two-thirds vote, and The Prime Minister says there isn't enough opposition  to get the required votes. I can tell that bothers him, but his hands are tied. So, we scrolled through various young lords and princes until we came to a nice looking Vulcan by the name of Spock. He's tall, dark, and very handsome, with cute pointy ears and looks very calm and logical like most of his species. I gave him the thumbs up and Gram declared she would invite him to visit Genovia immediately. I'm not promising to marry the guy, but I need something to keep me from thinking about those blue eyes!!! (Darn them) James still keeps trying to convince me our lie dance wasn't a lie and he really did enjoy it!! July 1st. Today was the Founder's Day Parade. As the princess and heir to the throne, I am obligated to sit on a float and wave at the crowds beside Grandmother. It's totally not my thing, but necessary for public relations. So up I got, pleased that James had to experience the same discomfort with his pompous windbag uncle. Despite my dislike of him, I have to admit he was pretty smooth at the mingling with the masses part and not nearly as uncomfortable as I'd hoped. I forgot about that when I passed the girls from the orphanage and saw the wistful expression in those eyes. Impulsively, I got down from the float and invited the girls to walk with me at the front. After all, in my view, every girl deserves to feel like a princess even if they never see a tiara. It ended up being the best part of the day and Gram didn't even really scold me. Even James told me sincerely it was a sweet thing to do. July 8th Spock arrived and we met in person for the first time. Let's just say he's even more handsome in real life and has those dark brown eyes that aren't hiding any nefarious designs! (Unlike some) We get along well, if it was a little awkward at first. Vulcans are very literal and logical and don't always get the jokes, so I try not to get too punny around him. Turns out he's WAY into science and stuff, founded a special scientific institute in his country even. July 12th. Been on several outings with Spock. He's quite a conversationalist once you get him talking. We took some long walks around the coast, played badminton, and several chess games, at which he royally kicked my butt. Of course, the whole thing is being blown up by the media and turned into a soap opera, which is really annoying.  The Viscount though, is really grumpy about it, much to my satisfaction, and James gives me odd looks sometimes, which I find highly unsettling for no reason at all! July 25th The Garden Party started out well, and ended in me doing something monumentally STUPID!! How could I let it happen? HOW?? I hate his guts so much right now!! James arrived at the party looking all smug and dapper as usual, with a knockout blonde on his arm, whom he introduced as Carol. She seemed like a nice girl, but it looked more like Jim was just trying to get me jealous, which is totally ridiculous because I don't even like him!!! Anyway, somehow, Spock and Carol got talking on some deeply technical scientific stuff and James and I were left alone. He started making suggestions that I'm only using Spock to keep my throne and of course I told him off for that, the hypocrite. "I loathe you!!" I yelled finally, getting right up in his smarmy handsome face. "I loathe YOU!!" He yelled back, staring at me intently. Next thing I knew, he'd yanked my face to his and was kissing me!! I should have slapped him for that, but instead I kissed right back. I can't believe that happened. Only you, diary, will ever know that James T. Kirk is really good at kissing, much as I hate to admit it. Then we started arguing again, and somehow ended up in the fountain. I embarrassed Grandmother again. Thankfully, Spock didn't see that indiscretion, being deep in discussion. Aug. 17th Well, James has been a lot less obnoxious lately, seeing how serious Spock and I are getting. In fact, he's been downright nice, even giving me archery tips as I practiced for the test I'll undergo the night before the coronation, which involves shooting an arrow through a ring, an Old Genovian tradition, I hear. I tried to ignore the fluttering in my stomach when he laid his hand over mine while correcting my stance, but wow, he seems to have really gotten under my skin. Ugh. Spock has been so sweet about this whole thing and probably being married to him won't be such a bad thing, but I just can't seem to be quite as happy as I thought I would with such a perfect man.... Sept. 3rd Spock proposed. I said Yes. The kingdom is going nuts at the prospect of a wedding.   It's kind of nice, actually, being engaged to him, but I never thought I'd feel so calm about impending marriage. Gram smiles approvingly a lot, Gaila still looks at me questioningly and Jim seems down in the dumps. He mostly keeps to himself now, seems to always have a book in his hand. He and Carol have double dated with us a couple times and she's great company, but it always ends up with her and Spock doing most of the talking and Jim and I avoiding each other's eyes. I think he's changed his mind on me being a fit ruler finally. I wonder if he'll have the guts to stand up against the Viscount uncle, who's more bombastic than ever. March 5. I haven't written in forever, but wedding planning has taken over my life right now. The dress, the flowers, the table settings, the cake, pleasing the families and all that jazz is pretty exhausting. Spock's been really kind and helpful in his own way. He's great at subtly telling people when enough is enough. It's very comforting and I ought to be head over heels by now, but I'm not and that saddens me. Should I really go through with this? Is it worth losing the kingdom and hurting Gran? Should I really cave to this sexist law? Gaila told me she'll support me no matter what I decide, and it's comforting to know that. For now, everything is going ahead for an April 3rd Wedding. March 30th Had a delightfully unconventional "shower" last night. We invited princesses of all ages to the palace for a giant slumber party, including mattress surfing down the main staircase. It was a riot! Even Grandmother joined in, looking dignified while doing it. It was nice to let myself go and just be a regular girl again. Pretty soon I'll be in charge of a country and fun time? Well, Buh-bye. April 2nd I caved to temptation last night and snuck  out with Jim to the lake for a moonlight walk. I should be strong enough to resist him, but those eyes just DO things to me and he seems to be much more than an insufferable, cocky rich guy. We really talked this time and I learned about his life and growing up with no parents and I told him about New York and Gaila and my Mom and how awkward it was learning to be a princess. "You're doing a pretty fantastic job, in my opinion," he told me. "You really do care about the people and the country. My uncle is so wrong." "You really think so?" I asked (He was holding my hand at this point). "Sure do." He smiled at me and my heart did a flip again. Shoving the guilt aside, I stayed with him. We danced in the moonlight and curled up under a tree and dozed off. Bad idea. Next thing I know, there come the paparazzi and I'm running away in rage and panic, wondering if it was all a set up by Jim to create a scandal and wreck the wedding. I really need to make better choices. April 3rd Well, there was a wedding today, but not mine. I couldn't go through with it, not after searching my own heart and realizing I'm in love with someone else. It's not fair to Spock, logical as he's been about the whole thing. When Joe told me that James had NOT planted those paps to ruin me and he believed the young man was besotted with me, well, the was the finishing touch. I went out there and told Spock I couldn't go through with it. He was very gracious as usual and I think I detected a faint trace of relief on his part. Then the good ole Viscount got up and started haranguing me again and how he wouldn't stand for this. After he stormed out in a huff, the Prime Minister came up and told me now was a good time to convince Parliament to change the rules. "They're waiting to be convinced. Go after them and tell them what's what. Don't back down." I always liked the Prime Minister. Lord Pike is a good man. Up I got and explained why women are perfectly capable of ruling a country without a husband. Most of them seemed to be receptive, but one old fellow had to ask "What does the other heir think?" There was a silence, and James stood up, much to my surprise. I certainly didn't expect him to be there after everything that happened to be there. He looked like he'd had a bad night, but what he said warmed me through. He backed me up completely!! Even said he utterly refused to be king because he felt the crown was mine and I would be a great queen. "Plus, she'll look lovely on all our postage stamps," he added saucily, with a smile at me. Once he'd finished, he turned and left without further ado, leaving me both grateful and puzzled. The Prime Minister called for a vote right then and there and the law was overturned. That wasn't the end of the surprises, though. Grandmother stood up and declared it would be a shame to waste all the bridal plans, so she and Joe would be filling in as the happy couple. It's very unlike her to be so impulsive, but the two of them together has been a long time coming and I gladly played bridesmaid as they were united in marriage. What a day!!! April 16th I passed the archery test with flying colors and the coronation will proceed tomorrow as planned. I'm really nervous about it, but this evening something wonderful happened. I was lounging in my drawing room, Scotty beside me on his little doggy throne, when Jim appeared and knelt before me. "What is your dilemma, young man?" I asked him playfully. Those big blue eyes were looking at me so intensely, I thought I would drown in them. "I am in love with the queen to be and am inquiring as to whether she loves me too." I admit, I launched myself at him in a very unqueenly manner and we held each other tightly, finally giving in to the electricity between us. Then he whispered "Nyota!" In my ear in a longing, loving tone and I kissed the daylights out of him. How I love that man. Scotty was annoyed at losing my undivided attention and stalked off in high dudgeon, yipping, but we were too busy to care. I'll make it up to him. April 18th The coronation went off with much pomp and circumstance. I now understand what they mean when they say "heavy is the head that wears the crown". Not only is it a huge responsibility to be ruler of a country, but the crown is literally HEAVY. My head was sweating the whole day. Between Grandmother, Joe, Gaila, and Jim, I was subtly encouraged by my loved ones and made it through the long ceremonies fairly well. Grandmother bustles around looking proud, Joe kept the throng from getting too big, Gaila smiled, and Jim looked dazzled and proud and utterly gorgeous. Even Spock attended with Carol sticking to his side. I think those two might have a thing going...... (Skips over a year of entries until the next June) June 6th I married Jim yesterday. It truly was the best day of my life and Mom got to be there, which was wonderful. I'd felt weird wearing the same dress that I'd originally picked out to marry someone else, so the original was auctioned for charity to support the orphanage. My new gown was a simple long white satin with elegant sheer sleeves and delicate crystals scattered over it. It moved beautifully as well, and Jim seemed to like it judging by the countless times he's told me how gorgeous I am. He's no slouch either, rocking that royal uniform with confidence and style. Joe walked me down the aisle, which made Grandmother very happy. (Was that a tear I saw in her eye?) Jim's eyes were just glowing as we exchanged vows and I hope I was able to convey my own love and joy so perfectly. "How does it feel to be a prince?" I asked him when it was over. "Not as good as being your husband," he answered softly, kissing my hand regally. I swooned inwardly. Who could help it? Just as we started our first dance, he looked down at his feet with feigned anxiety. "Are my toes safe today?" He asked, the rascal, bringing up our awkward first two meetings. I laughed. "You bet, baby." Well, Jim is starting to stir beside me and I think I saw one blue eye open a bit, so I'd better stop for now. I will say, he has totally cute bedhead! I think I'm going to ruffle it up some more.

#my fics #AU #kirk x uhura #James T. Kirk #Nyota Uhura #Princess Diaries AU

[poipoi1912]

Barba Theories Part 2

(i.e. a looooooong rundown of your theories, thank you for sending them <33333)

To recap, here is the original teaser/spoiler, and here are my original theories/Part 1:

professional misconduct for political gain

a straight-up political/work scandal 

an inappropriate personal relationship

financial misconduct 

dick pics on his iPhone 

membership to the Pirate Booty Treasure Chest  

Here are some of the responses I got (some via replies, some via reblogs, and some via asks):

Personal Secret

First of all, many of you agreed it’ll be the Pirate Booty thing, which, d’oh. But is that really a secret?

Secondly, the tags used by @lambnoire speak to me:

#barba's secret is giving me anxiety tho #idk what im going to do if they compromise his morality as a character

Thirdly, most of you feel it will be a personal secret. Which might be wishful thinking, because we all thirst for more details about Barba’s personal life:

sunshine-and-the-catsuit answered: I’m kinda hoping for the relationship thing, personally. Maybe he kept emails that he shouldn’t have…or something like that. Or hid information he shouldn’t have..to help a friend.

I feel this might be accurate. Barba bending the rules (more on that below) for a lover or a friend (say, Alex Munoz or Eddie etc), out of loyalty. That would compromise him somewhat, but his motives would still be relatively pure. Depending on the rule/law he broke, of course.

revolutionarynerd answered: A sexual secret. Even in NYC a bisexual ADA for instance would raise eyebrows. My money is on Barba’s personal private life getting spread all over the news/internets in the course of a hacking operation targeting someone higher up.

@leaper182​ said: That's a really good point. Hmm. I wonder if maybe Rafael had an affair with a politician who's married or something. I can't see Rafael himself being in the closet -- he comes across more as someone who doesn't advertise that he's bisexual, but he wouldn't deny it if he were asked point-blank about it either. But maybe if he made the mistake of having an affair with a married man or something, and it's this big ~shocker~ because this guy was all about straight marriage or something...? Hmmm. :\            

an anon who likes to toy with my emotions said: Barba theories/plot bunnies; 1. It's a revenge porn ep and when the suspect('s allies) find out Barba is prosecuting they threaten to leak sexts/nudes/dating profiles b/c they do not know who they are fucking with. Barba goes ahead, out for blood & maybe even using it to score some points in court. But then after sentencing we see his private self; humiliated, confidence wilting. Not helped by the media hi-lighting his humiliation rather than his victory.

Re; Barba being in the closet: there are valid arguments on both sides. If Barba is not straight (just for speculation purposes, of course, because we’ve never seen him with a romantic partner) it’s possible he would be out and proud, because he seems like he doesn’t give a fuck about what people think of him. But it’s also possible he’d be in a glass closet, just for the sake of his job (and/or his future aspirations. I touched on this in my fic Running, btw, which involves Barba running for the DA position). So he may, in fact, want his “secret” to stay a secret.

I must say, the idea of forcibly outing Barba is interesting, because it would allow for an intense but not necessarily preachy Very Special Episode, plus we might get some awesome Raul acting in the process, but would the current writers care enough to do that well?

The idea of a forbidden affair (with a woman or a man who’s married or otherwise problematic) seems a little more likely. Especially if it’s someone else at the DA’s office, and they both get exposed. Maybe Barba would choose to fall on his sword to protect his partner? This could give us some juicy moments for sure.

At any rate, I’d love to see Barba with a crack in his armor. Either because he feels exposed, or because he’s willing to be exposed to protect someone he cares about.

Professional Secret

its-bucky-bitches said: Hi just looking at you questions & answers about what the potential threat to Barba could be & I know a lot of people are saying it's a hack like they took something from his life & released it but what if he's being set up? Framed in some way? // Like what if the "secret" is something incriminating the hackers planted into Barbas computer and that the team find & then in the end use Barba to lure them out of hiding to capture/kill them?             

I love this. It might not necessarily fit with the concept of a “secret” (i.e. something Barba has been hiding) but I LOVE the idea of a frame-up. Barba would be indignant, and the squad would be supportive, they’d reassure him they don’t believe the hackers and they’ll do anything in their power to restore his reputation. That would give us a much needed glance into the SVU team dynamics, and it would show us just how much Liv and the squad value Barba. So it definitely won’t happen.

OH HELL NO Secret

an anon who likes to toy with my emotions said: (I'm paranoid it might be something like this) Barba commited/is accused of commiting a sex crime & evidence points to him doing so. If he did, he defends himself, saying he knows now it was wrong, it was long time ago, he's a different person, he's grown since then - but it alienates him from the SVU squad when they find out. The hacked info is used to discredit him and his work with SVU, & by extension squad themselves.            

NOPE.

I do like the idea of a secret which would compromise his work/the convictions he’s managed to get in his career, BUT NOPE. Like, you might be on the right track re; a secret which would paint him, the DA’s office and the squad in a bad light, and that’s the reason they all need to solve the case, if not make sure the secret stays hidden, but HELL NO.

More Hell No Secrets

an anon who likes to toy with my emotions A LOT said: Turns out he may have actually killed his Dad. 4. Barba is in fact innocent (excluding withholding of evidence) and it's information that somehow threatens his mother. Or else, shows him burying something harmful to his mother. 5. The hacking reveals something with his health - I'd bet on psychiatric, maaaybe rehab of some kind.       

On another show, I might appreciate topics like these being explored delicately. On SVU, nah. I would love a reference to Barba’s mother/family, but the fact the DA’s office is hacked, and that’s how Barba’s secret is revealed (via his work email, basically) probably means it would involve either Barba’s work or his personal life (because he may have foolishly used a work account for something non-work-related). 

Actual Secret

@webbgirl34​ has what is probably the most likely theory, though:

With the way this season has gone, I’d be willing to lay money it ends up being something to do with Liv. Like him covering up for something for her or him doing something on the gray side to help her out.

I can just see that happening. Barba will reach out to Liv, not to reveal a personal secret which might give us some insight into his character (God forbid!), but to tell her something she already knows. Like, “Hey, Liv, remember that time I helped you with (X)? It’s back to bite us in the ass. We need to fix this, or both we could both lose our jobs.”

Imagine if Barba’s secret involves, like, Johnny D (remember, lol?) i.e. Noah’s paternity, i.e. the time Barba was perfectly willing to bend the rules to help Olivia? Or, if the writers are unwilling to rewatch their own show and revisit actual past events, what if they come up with another instance of him possibly even breaking the law, just to help Liv?

Last season, we did see a Barba who followed the rules and ratted on Liv/Tucker, but arguably that was because he was mad/jealous. Or, because he really was that stringent about the law (lol). Maybe we’ll go back to rule-bending Barba? In a ret-conned way (since we won’t actually witness said rule-bending)? We’ll hear about a made up past incident, a plot contrivance, to better sel the “secret” angle?

Again, I can totally see this happening. I just hope it doesn’t. Even though it would likely be better than a potentially compromising, salacious and deeply personal secret.

Lastly, my own tags:

#omg now that i read the barba spoiler #i feel like it'll be totally anticlimactic #the da's office is hacked #so like barba's work email #watch as his secret is totally boring 

Fingers crossed it’s something which showcases Raul's talent.

#rafael barba #raul esparza #svu #law and order svu #so much for shitposting #i'm giving you actual content #speculation #barba thoughts #long post #looooooong post #but i promised #and here it is #thanks so much for sending me your thoughts guys #let's hope the actual episode doesn't let us down #lol who am i kidding #of course it will let us down #oh well

[adabellatovey1990]

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[omgnsfwisnsfw-blog]

NSFW #17: Make It Here

The East River at early morning. The city that never sleeps was just beginning to bustle, the late night partygoers and club kids heading to bed just as the everyday 9-to-5er gets up to wash and brush up for work. From Manhattan to here in the Bronx, the crisp, cold dawn is rising, splashing color over the wide flowing water. A morning jogger ran through the park, breath coming in foggy puffs, either unaware of or ignoring the two people on the fishing docks of Hunts Point Landing, bundled up in winter coats and matching orange and green scarves, large gold plated belts on their shoulders and their new GoPro mounted on a tripod aimed at them. This very spot was deeply significant to both of them… but nobody else needed to know that. John’s finger hesitated before turning on the live feed. He turned his head to Mike. “Your hand holding up?” His mind summoned the image of Mike hauling off on Lovecraft. Mike’s exhilaration wiping away the brief twinge of pain on their face on the moment of impact. The winter break had been therapeutic to say the least. His own afflictions: sometimes he could hear himself breathing before dozing off and also how his side pained him when he hit the ropes. Part and parcel of this business - he always knew that. “Right’s rain now. I think it’s about back to normal. Man, did you see it when they took the cast off? Looked like the hand of the fuckin’ Cryptkeeper.” They flexed their gloved fingers- beneath the layer of leather, their hand was all but fully rehabilitated, the atrophy countered by a lot of squeezing exercises. “How about you? Are you okay? I mean, last week was fun with all the viking shit we did at the lake, but… you haven’t really talked to me about, y’know. Fucking Saunders.” Mike huffed. “You had him dead to rights you know. Another second and I’m sure you coulda got another tap out of him after that. He didn’t deserve to beat you.” “But he did.” John shrugged. “Not going to dwell on it. Can’t change what happened. Dominic may have been disingenuous but it’s time to move forward.” His other hand gave a light squeeze to Mike’s forearm. His mind drifted to their brief meeting with the new charismatic general manager. “I liked the other guy. Good idea man. But Spartan is keen and wants change. He wants to move forward, too.” Mike leaned into the touch a bit, a slight, huffy sigh floating off in a puff of steam. “He’s interesting. I like his crazy-ass beard. Not’s much as yours though.” They furtively glanced around to see if they were alone. Once they confirmed this- the jogger had continued her path and was now quite a long way off- they rose up on their toes, giving the neatly trimmed scruff on his cheek a quick kiss. “I know I get stuck on stuff too much. I shouldn’t hold grudges like I do. I just want things to be… nrrrgh. We don’t have to win all the time but I just want things to be fair. You deserve fair. I deserve fair. But life’s not, is it?” John stared off into the water. “No, it’s not.” There was a moment of silence between the two. John turned his attention back to the camera. Why they were here in the first place. “Starting to realize that we can make do together. Maybe outside of this.” Finger right over the button. “Let’s get this done.” “New York City. Center of the universe. And, might I add, a pretty significant place for your Tag Champs.” Mike McGuire patted her belt’s gleaming faceplate with a gloved hand. “I mean, not only did the greatest night of our lives happen here, but as a lot of you know by now, I grew up here. I was born and raised here in the Bronx. My dad owns a gym here, my folks live just a few blocks away in the house I grew up in. Family’s an important thing. Your roots can help you get a bearing in this crazy fuckin’ world. The problem is… I think our opponents this week are puttin’ a little too much stock in the power of family ties.” John Bishop Church’s expression was pensive. He contemplated his partner’s words. By now, they led each other to and fro with each statement. Weaving their points in with ease. “Family. In the literal sense. They had everything going for them. Two opponents thrown together. Neither with an affinity for tag team wrestling. Neither with much success as of late. The Clifton Sisters - an established unit. They compliment each other. The stars seemed to be aligned for a perfect debut.” A poignant pause - as to allow reality to set in. “Ended up going bad.” He shook his head, as if disappointed at the result. “We can commiserate. Mike and I thought our breakout moment would be against The Trinity. Instead, we learned we had a long way to go.” Mike chuckled a bit, looking up and rubbing at her chin as if reminiscing. “Oh man, I remember that. Actually… I don’t really remember that very well at all. Took a nasty fuckin’ drop to the head and scrambled my recollection’a the whole night something awful. Anyway, lesson learned. And I’d say we took every lump and hard knock since then and used it to reconstruct ourselves into something strong enough to take what we knew was meant to be ours. And along the way? It didn’t just make us better competitors. It made us better friends. Better partners. Maybe even the best partners this company has- the proof is in the pudding and the pudding is right here on our shoulders.” Mike shrugged, giving the gold another quick pat for emphasis. “You ladies like to point out that you're family. That you got a 'blood bond' goin' on that'll make you unbeatable… heh, that was already disproven on Uprising. Let me tell you something, blood don't mean near as much as you two like to think it does. To elaborate, there's an old saying- 'blood is thicker than water'. Thing is, my partner here informed me that people keep misquoting that shit. The real saying went like... 'The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb'. That means that someone you love because you choose to? Someone you go through thick and thin with and wouldn't replace for nothin'? That goes a hell of a lot further than somebody you have a bond with just 'cuz of relations." John nodded. “And so our harshest critics will ask just why the Clifton Sisters are getting this chance? Mike and I are in agreeance with the new general manager. We are not here to sit on ceremony and wait for challengers to be decided for us through any more tournaments or hoops to jump through. It doesn’t matter who you are, what you have or haven’t done, you will get the opportunity to take these from us. Doesn’t mean we won’t have anything to say about you. Take last week for example.” Mike sighed, shaking her head. “What a fucking disappointment that was. We made it crystal what we wanted. What we expected. And we barely got anything out of it! It’s like the Volsung Death Squad wasn’t even trying and that more than anything else pisses me the fuck off. I can’t speak for Church here but I would be all too happy to lose these belts if it was a good hard fight and our opponents really deserved to win.” “But we watched you two in your debut. Saw your piece. We saw the hunger. We saw the tenacity. Aimee made a bold statement. Future tag team champions.” Mike and John looked at each other briefly before he continued. “Maybe the future is now. That’s what this opportunity is about. This isn’t the Moors Murders’ division anymore. We aren’t letting these collect dust. These right here are what matters. This isn’t Rob Garcia’s division anymore. These are no longer props in someone’s delusions of grandeur. Since last fall, we have taken on every challenger that has stepped before us and showed them why we are the premier tag team in this company.” “This is Not the Sisters’ or the Family’s World. It’s ours. And it’ll take more than blood bonds and setting shit on fucking fire to knock us off the top of it. If you can’t do it? We open our gates to the next one. And the next. One line, no waiting. The infinite open challenge for the Tag Team Championships starts with you. And maybe ends, who knows? You’re a pair of hungry-ass girls, but we got Fenris’ own appetite.” Mike cracked a wolfish grin, her eyes glinting with emerald fire. “The size of the bonus don’t mean shit. The amount of blood and sweat put in's what counts. We take personal exception at being called bottom of the barrel champions by a scumfuck like Dominic Saunders, and we are going to prove him wrong by making these belts thebelts to win in this company.” “Mike and I pay particular attention to the rumor mills and we see that he can add hypocrite to his long list of character flaws. That doesn’t mean we are looking past these sisters. They are determined to make an impact and the humiliation suffered caused by losing to two opponents that just managed to pull up on their very own tailspins. We know that they won’t let that defeat define their existence - and at the end of this month, after they have had their chance, they won’t let the next one either.” John stepped forward. Mike stepped to join him. “Come at us with everything you fuckin’ got. Cuz we’re not pulling a single punch. Not here, not now, not ever. But I’m sure you gals’ll be fine. After all, if you can make it here? You can make it anywhere.” The camera was picked up, the shot pulling away from the champions and focusing on the skyline across the river, lit by the full morning sun, before it faded to black.

#archive

[aletterforyou-dreamy]

DEAR SUGAR, THE RUMPUS ADVICE COLUMN #81: A BIT OF SULLY IN YOUR SWEET

BY SUGAR

August 12th, 2011

Dear Sugar,

I’m twenty-nine-year-old woman who is engaged to be married to a man I’ve been with for about two years (we’ve lived together for one). I’m very close to my sister.

She’s much older than me (fifty-three) and she’s technically my “half” sister (we share a father who had one marriage very young, another quite old). My sister and I have always been close, but because of our age difference she’s been more like an aunt to me, though over the past couple of years our relationship has shifted and we’ve become more like equals. Recently, we went on a weekend trip together, just the two of us, and I learned things about her life that make me feel…I don’t even know what the word is, Sugar. Sad? Uncomfortable? Angry?

Disappointed? A mix of all four. That’s the reason I’m writing to you.

My sister has been married for twenty-five years. I love my brother-in-law almost as much as I love my sister. I’ve always considered them to be my “role model couple.” They are still in love after all these years and still best friends. Everyone who knows them, including me, thinks they’re the perfect couple. They are proof to me that happy marriages are possible. Or at least, they were.

You see, what happened is that while I was away with my sister I asked her what the “secret to marriage” was and during our long talk about it, she revealed things that surprised and upset me. She said while it’s true she and my brother-in-law are happy to be married to each other, there were several times over the years she doubted they’d make it. She confided that both she and my brother-in-law have cheated on each other. Several years ago, my brother-in-law had a full-blown affair that lasted a few months and at another point my sister had a brief, “technically unconsummated fling” that she opted not to tell her husband about (she figured why hurt him when she’d “learned her lesson” and wasn’t going to break up her marriage over it). Together, they eventually repaired these breaches, but it wasn’t easy.

I know they’ve been happy too. They’ve raised two kids together, traveled, and shared many interests. It isn’t as if everything I’ve seen in them is a façade. I understand that. But I can’t help but admit my picture of them has changed and I’m having a hard time with that, as I plan to have them walk me down the aisle at my wedding. I know this might sound naïve and maybe judgmental, but I’m shaken and bummed and now I don’t know if people who cheated should play such a big role in my wedding.

I know couples have to work on their relationships, but my position on infidelity is that it’s a deal killer. My fiancé and I have agreed if one of us ever cheated on the other it would be automatically over between us, no conversation required. When I told my sister about this she actually laughed and said we were being “too black and white,” but, Sugar, I don’t want to think that in twenty-five years I’ll be saying that there were times I didn’t think my husband and I would make it. I want healthy love.

From reading your column, I know you’re married and I wonder what you think. It seems to me that you and Mr. Sugar are a perfect couple too. What’s the secret to a good marriage? Have there been times you didn’t believe your relationship would make it? Isn’t infidelity a deal killer? Can my sister and brother-in-law still be my role model couple now that I know they’ve failed to keep their vows at least at some points along the way? Should they walk me down the aisle? Why do I feel so let down? My heart feels heavy with the fear that marriage can’t work for anyone if it can’t work for them. Is marriage this horribly complex thing for which I’m ill prepared? Am I being stupid to ask why two people can’t just love each other?

I’d be grateful if you’d answer me soon. My wedding is at the end of August.

Signed, Happily Ever After

Dear Happily Ever After,

One day about a year after Mr. Sugar and I moved in together, a woman called our house and asked to speak to Mr. Sugar. He wasn’t home, I told her. Could I take a message? She hesitated in a way that made my heart beat faster than it had any right to. When she finally said her name, I knew who she was, though I’d never met her. She lived in a city thousands of miles away, where Mr. Sugar occasionally went to work. They weren’t exactly friends, he’d told me when I’d inquired about her a few weeks before, after I’d found a postcard from her to him in our mailbox. Acquaintance was a better word, he’d said. Cool, I’d replied.

And yet as I held the phone, I got a funny feeling, in spite of my internal scoldings that I had no reason to feel funny. That Mr. Sugar was crazy in love with me was entirely apparent, both to me and to everyone who knew us, and I was likewise crazy in love with him. We were a “perfect couple.” So happy. So meant to be together. So utterly in love. Two people who leapt from the same pond to miraculously swim down parallel streams. I was the only woman he’d ever called the one. And who was she? She was just a woman who sent him a postcard.

So I surprised even myself when, that afternoon as I held the phone, I asked in my gentlest, most neutral voice, while everything inside of me clanged, if she knew who I was.

“Yes,” she replied. “You’re Sugar. Mr. Sugar’s girlfriend.”

“Right,” I said. “And this is going to seem odd, but I’m wondering about something. Have you slept with Mr. Sugar?”

“Yes,” she said in a snap. He’d come to her apartment the month before, when he’d been in town, she informed me. They had an “intense sexual attraction,” she said with a breathy puff of pleasure. She was sorry if that hurt me.

“Thank you,” I replied and I meant it.

When I hung up the phone, I remember very vividly staggering around the room as if someone had shot me in the heart with an arrow that would forever be stuck in my chest.

Mr. Sugar and I hardly owned anything then. In our living room there was nothing but two ratty, matching couches we’d been given as a hand-me-down, each one lining an opposite wall. We referred to them as the dueling couches because they sat in an eternal face off, the only things in the room. One of our favorite things to do was recline on the dueling couches—him on one, me on the other—for hours on end. Sometimes we’d read silently to ourselves, but more often, we’d read out loud to each other, whole books whose titles still make my heart swoon, so powerfully do they remind me of the tender intensity between us in those first years of our love: Charlotte’s Web, Cathedral and Other Stories, The Selected Poetry of Rainer Maria Rilke.

All of that was a pile of shit now, I realized as I collapsed onto one of the dueling couches. By going off and fucking the woman who sent him a postcard and then not telling me about it, Mr. Sugar had ruined everything. My trust. Our innocence. My magical sense of myself as the only woman he could possibly desire. The pure and unassailable nature of our perfect coupledom. I was shattered and furious, but most of all I was shocked. How could the man who’d meticulously pried the Made in Argentina sticker off the bottom of the bathroom sink and used it to make a card for me have done this? The one who said you don’t have to be broken for me?

When he walked in the door an hour later and I told him what I knew, he crumpled onto the dueling couch opposite me and we had the duel of our lives.

I didn’t think we’d survive it. I was pretty sure to do so would be kind of sick. I wasn’t the sort of person who took crap from men and I wasn’t about to begin doing so now. I loved Mr. Sugar, but he could sincerely go and fuck himself. I’d been true and faithful to him, and in return, he’d broken the deal. The deal was killed. Even being in the same room with him felt humiliating to me.

But there I was, nonetheless, crying and yelling while he cried and apologized.

I told him it was over. He begged me to stay. I told him he was a lying, selfish bastard. He agreed that’s exactly what he was.

We talked and talked and talked and talked and after an hour or so my rage and sorrow subsided enough that I went silent and listened while he told me everything: exactly how it went down with the woman who sent him the postcard; what I meant to him and what the woman he’d slept with meant; how and why he loved me; how he’d never been faithful to any woman in all his life, but how deeply he wanted to be faithful to me, even though he’d already failed at that; how he knew his problems with sex and women and intimacy and trust and secrets were bigger than this one transgression and rooted in his past; how he’d do everything in his power to understand his problems so he could change and grow and become the partner he wanted to be; how knowing me had made him believe he was capable of that, of loving me better, if only I would give him another chance.

As I listened to him talk, I alternated between sympathizing with him and wanting to punch him in the mouth. He was a jackass, but I loved him dearly. And the fact was, I related to what he said. I understood his explanations, infuriating as they were. I’d been a jackass too, given to failings of my own that hadn’t manifested themselves in this relationship yet. When he said he had sex with the woman who sent him the postcard because he got a little bit drunk and wanted to have sex and it didn’t have anything to do with me, even though of course it ultimately very much did, I knew what he meant. I’d had that sort of sex too. When he looked me in the eye and told me he was sorrier than a person has ever been and he loved me so much he didn’t even know how to say it, I knew he was telling me a truer truth than he’d ever told anyone.

I’m going to guess this is the sort of crossroads your own personal perfect role model couple was at a few times in their incredibly successful and loving decades-long-and-still-going-strong relationship, Happily Ever After. And I’m going to guess if you manage to live happily ever after with your honey you’re going to be there a time or two as well, whether the precise issue be infidelity or not.

This isn’t a spotless life. There is much ahead, my immaculate little peach. And there is no way to say it other than to say it: marriage is indeed this horribly complex thing for which you appear to be ill prepared and about which you seem to be utterly naïve.

That’s okay. A lot of people are. You can learn along the way.

A good place to start would be to let fall your notions about “perfect couples.” It’s really such an impossible thing to either perceive honestly in others or live up to when others believe it about us. It does nothing but box some people in and shut other people out and it ultimately makes just about everyone feel like shit.

A perfect couple is a wholly private thing. No one but the two people in the perfect relationship know for certain whether they’re in one. Its only defining quality is that it’s composed of two people who feel perfectly right about sharing their lives with each other, even during the hard times.

I think that’s what your sister was getting at when she revealed her relationship struggles in response to your question about the “secret to marriage,” sweet pea. She wasn’t trying to bum you out. She was actually trying to tell you the secret. In allowing you a more intimate view of her much-touted but flawed marriage, your sister was attempting to show you what a real perfect couple looks like: happy, humane, and occasionally all fucked up. I can’t imagine anyone more fitting to walk you down the aisle on your wedding day than your sister and her husband, two people who’ve kept their love and friendship alive for more than twenty-five years. That you’re doubting this after learning not all of those years were easy, tells me there’s something deeper at work here that has nothing to do with their marriage and everything to do with your own insecurities and fears.

You appear to be focused on infidelity as the “deal-killer” that you believe would compel you to “automatically” dissolve your own future marriage, and that’s fair enough. I understand the icky place in your gut where that impulse lives. There is probably nothing more hurtful and threatening than one partner breaking from an agreed-upon monogamous bond. A pre-emptive ultimatum against that allows at least the sense of control. But it’s a false sense.

Painful as it is, there’s nothing more common in long-term relationships than infidelity in its various versions (cheated, pretty much cheated, cheated a teeny bit but it probably doesn’t quite count, came extremely close to cheating, want to cheat, wondering about what it would be like to cheat, is flirting over email technically even cheating? etc). The letters in my inbox, the stories of many of my friends, and my own life are a testament to that. I’m not suggesting everyone cheats, of course, and I sincerely hope that you and your husband will never have to confront this issue. But if you really want to live happily ever after, if you honestly want to know what the secret to sustaining a lifelong “healthy love” is, it would be a good idea to openly grapple with some of the most common challenges of doing so, rather than pretending that you have the power to shut them down by making advance threats about walking out, “no conversation required,” the moment a transgression occurs.

This will require a rethink about your own dark capacities, as well as those of your future husband, and the members of various couples you admire. Most people don’t cheat because they’re cheaters. They cheat because they are people. They are driven by hunger or for the experience of someone being hungry once more for them. They find themselves in friendships that take an unintended turn or they seek them out because they’re horny or drunk or damaged from all the stuff they didn’t get when they were kids. There is love. There is lust. There is opportunity. There is alcohol. And youth. And middle age. And twelve-day-long writers’ conferences in rustically genteel settings that give one the impression that the world one left no longer exists. There is loneliness and boredom and sorrow and weakness and self-destruction and idiocy and arrogance and romance and ego and nostalgia and power and need. There is the compelling temptation of intimacies with someone other than the person with whom one is most intimate.

Which is a complicated way of saying, it’s a long damn life, Happily Ever After. And people get mucked up in it from time to time. Even the people we marry. Even us. You don’t know what it is you’ll get mucked up in yet, but if you’re lucky, and if you and your fiancé really are right for each other, and if the two of you build a marriage that lasts a lifetime, you’re probably going to get mucked up in a few things along the way. This is scary, but you’ll be okay. Sometimes the thing you fear the most in your relationship turns out to be the thing that brings you and your partner to a deeper place of understanding and intimacy.

That’s what happened to Mr. Sugar and me a couple of years into our relationship, when I learned of his infidelity, and told him to go fuck himself, and then took him back. My decision to stay and work it out with him in the aftermath of that betrayal is way, way far up on the list of the best decisions of my life.

And I’m not just grateful that I decided to stay. I’m grateful it happened. It took me years to allow that, but it’s true. That Mr. Sugar cheated on me with the woman who sent him a postcard made us a better couple. It exposed a wound that Mr. Sugar finally, in the course of his relationship with me, opted to heal. It opened a conversation about sex and desire and commitment that we’re still having. And it gave us resources to draw upon when we faced other challenges later on. The truth is, for all the sweet purity of our early love, we weren’t ready for each other in that time during which we loved each other most sweetly. The woman who sent him the postcard pushed us down a path where we made ourselves ready, not to be a perfect couple, but to be a couple who knows how to have a duel when a duel needs to be had and emerge from it, hand-in-hand.

I hope that’s what you get too, Happily Ever After. A bit of sully in your sweet. Not perfection, but real love. Not what you imagine, but what you’d never dream.

Yours, Sugar

[pandagossips-blog]

Best 20 Indicators A guy Is Secretly In Love Along with you

Net worth

Are you currently confident it truly is love?

Like a human being, we usually want to be sure we're loved. It really is one from the strongest factors on this planet that keeps us heading regardless if every thing else is falling apart. Even so, love could be just all over the place but it's not usually easy to locate the proper a single for us.

wife

Around us, men and women keep slipping in really like with the wrong individual. Some interactions even conclude just before they can commence because we can't notify what accurate really like is. Most of us are so susceptible that we fall simply without having ensuring that there exists an individual to capture us.

To determine if someone deeply loves you is just not usually attainable by means of terms. Hearing the words, "I enjoy you" these days is so typical that it couldn't be handled as being a signal of real really like any longer.

So, how can we actually tell if a guy enjoys us? Continue reading these signs to learn.

1. It's accurate adore when he stares at you

Eyes are the home windows for the soul. By way of them, you could notify much about a person's sincerity. And that's why it truly is 1 of the most critical entire body language indicators to examine out.

Staring is a sign of attraction to one thing, so whenever a guy is deeply in love with you, he'll never be afraid to have a look at you for a long time. Obviously, not inside a way that it'll scare the living daylights from you, but simply a light gaze just as if the one thing taking place in his head is that you happen to be stunning.

When an individual gazes at you, the majority of the time, this means they're trying to attach to you and that it's also a sign in their burning enthusiasm and love in the direction of you.

two. A guy is deeply in adore when he compliments you

If you satisfy men for your very first time, they're going to almost certainly use "hello, pretty!", or "you're sexy" to compliment you. Almost everything they see is centered on your bodily visual appeal. These may be compliments however it will not automatically mean they previously love you.

Every time a dude is starting to fall deeply in adore along with you, he will discover over just your bodily physical appearance. He will abruptly see everything you can perform and provides you compliments for example, "you're very good at this!", or "you're intelligent". He will use adjectives that certainly explain a lot more than just the way you seem.

Obviously, he almost certainly thinks you're still stunning on the exterior, but you can explain to he is actually in enjoy now if he sees you in a distinct light.

three. You'll be able to tell it really is really like when he desires for being near you constantly

A guy who likes you'd probably wish to be near you, but there can be occasions where he'll shrink back from physical make contact with to point out you that there are limitations. This just means he's not in love with you.

A guy who actually enjoys you will in no way be hesitant to stay beside you and cuddle along with you every time he receives an opportunity. Even when it means he sweats at times from the entire body warmth, he will not likely brain. If he could cuddle and hug for hours, be confident, he's deeply in adore along with you.

four. When a dude remembers almost everything you inform him

Let us confess it, you can find things which we stated that even we ourselves fail to remember. We neglect important conferences, essential reminders, birthdays, you name it! Occasionally, even producing them down inside our planners isn't going to function.

Whenever a man is deeply in really like along with you, he'll bear in mind every little thing, and that i imply every thing! Down to the last element. He'll never fail to remember your birthday, your hobbies and pursuits, or your likes and dislikes.

But, this doesn't always suggest it is all in regards to the good things. Should you have ever argued with him, even though it absolutely was a long time in the past, and he can nevertheless don't forget the hurtful stuff you quarreled about, it is a indicator that whatever you say includes a big affect on his lifestyle which it's truly vital that you him.

Guys that are not into you'll by no means make your arguments an enormous deal.

5. You can explain to he is in love when he ideas for equally of you

All of us know that most men don't open up up about their strategies to the long term to simply anybody. There may be times they share a little bit of it for their pals nonetheless they never ever bother concerning the information.

A man likes you when he shares his strategies for the long term with you, but he's truly in really like whenever you discover that as opposed to making plans for just himself, you are really in that plan. They are plans such as receiving married with you, buying a residence and developing a household with you, travelling the entire world along with you, and so forth.

You'll find circumstances where a man and female are already courting but the guy isn't also concerned about their potential. This may mean the male remains unsure or unsure in the relationship.

So, each time a male is usually in deep thought and constructing his ideas for the future with you, he's deeply in enjoy along with you.

6. Your views always issue

Once we will not look after an individual even a bit, we won't hassle to hear whatever they have to say relating to our lives. It is the people near us who subject. So, if a man is deeply in adore along with you, he'll often question an guidance from you no matter how small or large the difficulty is.

Sometimes, he'll even discuss about things which aren't a part of your concern otherwise you haven't any idea about in any way, like his perform in the office. For him, it will even now be crucial.

Needless to say, he will not have to automatically comply with that which you must say. But he asks you in any case since your impression holds plenty of fat for him. That is an indication tha he has massive believe in in you.

seven. If a guy prioritizes you, he's in love with you

In people's lives, it really is inescapable to expertise being busy or not getting sufficient spare time for you to commit with our beloved types. But anytime we do, it is approximately us who we will pick to invest it with.

More typically, when fellas find some free time away from their frantic schedules, they might pick to go along with their buddies and head out partying until finally dawn. But he's beginning to slide in adore along with you whenever you commence to notice that he turns down invites from his pals, much more so when he drops every load he carries only to be along with you.

8. You are able to inform it's really like each time a dude requires care of you

At your home, it's usually the woman's work to accomplish every little thing. From cooking, cleaning the house, performing the laundry, practically each and every house chore. Exceptions may be when we are unwell and the fellas need to in fact consider our place.

But, whenever a male enjoys you dearly, he'll essentially spoil you. As much as attainable, he will not likely at any time permit you get fatigued. He'll cook dinner for you personally even when you aren't unwell, he will bring you breakfast in mattress, and he will assist you to in each other way achievable.

He will not likely be hesitant to bring you foods he cooked himself although he understands it'll make you gag. He is just making an attempt to show you that he is ready to deal with you regardless of how hard it's for him occasionally.

nine. He notices even the minor modifications

Have you ever ever gotten a haircut, a brand new hair shade, purchased a whole new dress to dress in, or painted your fingernails, and he discovered it? Then, great to suit your needs! It's a signal he's in enjoy along with you. It just means he pays attention to even the littlest particulars about you. Believe me, men who're not interested by no means do.

You happen to be fortunate if along with him noticing these changes, he also offers you a compliment. He admires you and he is interested in you, even so you may seem.

ten. You are able to inform it is adore if a guy can be dorky about you

Does he at any time make fun of you harmlessly at times? Or does he playfully tease you every from time to time? Simply because if he does, this entire body language might be a sign of his true adore to suit your needs. If a man can display his insane playful side to an individual, this means that he is basically comfortable becoming with that particular person.

Really like doesn't usually must be solemnly intimate. Speaking from expertise, interactions the place couples act crazy with every other continuously perform way far better and stand stronger for years.

Apart from, guys will never tease girls they are not intrigued with. thewaywemet's put up

11. He talks to his friends about you

When you are close to his pals, recognize how they talk about you. Do you discover it unusual which they know things about you even though you have not told them or you might be just not near to them at all?

This might only suggest that he talks about you to definitely his friends. Both he's really very pleased to own you, or he cannot get you out of his thoughts. Possibly way, he obviously enjoys to indicate you off to others.

This can be a sign of a man becoming deeply in enjoy along with you. It is a typical individuality trait for guys to brag about anything they are satisfied to have. He loves referring to you and he's not humiliated by it.

12. Your interests abruptly gets his passions

Have you ever at any time witnessed him doing stuff he is never ever completed just before? Or speak about some thing he typically isn't going to chat about? Especially things that you are mostly interested with? Then excellent! It is possible to safely and securely say that he's in love along with you.

When men make this happen, it really is since they want to join much more along with you. They are locating out things they're able to do along with you. Whether or not it truly is just observing a Television plan you love, or taking part in your preferred movie games, as well as discussing stuff which can be "too girly".

Also, in the event you recognize that something you have shared to him becomes his favorite factor to do or chat about, you are even more in luck. That means he deeply cares regarding your likes and dislikes.

13. If a guy is being overprotective, he's in really like with you

View closely how he behaves when you are with each other in community. Does he place his arms close to you continually if you're all around a lot of individuals? Does he act like he does not want to share you with anyone else? Or perhaps, he keeps nagging you regarding how your dress is too brief or you are demonstrating way too significantly skin that he just gets to be frustrating.

This is him currently being overprotective in direction of you. He cares to suit your needs and when he does, it means he enjoys you.

14. He touches you each time he gets an opportunity

Again, it is all concerning the physique language. If he touches you often, it's due to the fact he would like to be near to you. We're not talking about touching like he's making an attempt to flirt with you; it'll be much more similar to a light caress.

It could be the way in which he touches your hand when he laughs, or brushes your hair with his fingers although he stares at you, or the hugs he provides you randomly.

This might also perform one other way around. See how he reacts if you make an effort to be near him. If he flinches, it could indicate he shies away from bodily speak to along with you. But that isn't constantly the situation. The flinch could also imply he's just really anxious. If he attempts to generate a move to touch you once more, then you're good.

fifteen. Discover how he talks for you

You may also inform if a man is into you by the way he talks to you personally. Recognize what topic he prefers discussing. If a man likes you, he'll discuss nonstop about himself because he is attempting to draw in your attention by generating himself seem desirable.

But, if a guy is deeply in enjoy with you, the "I" gets "we". He'll begin to hear what ever you've to mention, no matter how uninteresting it really is. He will initiate conversations with starters like, "how are you?", "tell me about your day", or "what are you interested in to accomplish?".

This can also go together with physique language. When he talks to you, does he offer you his full focus? Does he lean in to hear whatever you say? Does he look in numerous directions or only appears intently at you?

16. You are able to explain to it really is adore when he makes eye speak to with you

As I've explained, 1 in the most vital body language symptoms to look out for is through the eyes. After we don't love someone, it's usually uncomfortable for us to produce eye make contact with with them. It gets a behavior to search in various directions to indicate our disinterest.

A guy is deeply in love with you when he isn't frightened to make eye speak to along with you. He could possibly be talking to you or he just genuinely likes to look at you. This means you've his entire focus. When he suggests "I love you" even though seeking at your eyes, it really is most likely genuine. He can't get enough of you since he just admires you that significantly and he appreciates your existence.

17. He's not afraid to apologize

Let's acknowledge it, one on the most difficult issues to state will be the phrase "sorry". Each and every of us has our very own ego that we don't want be stepped on. It truly is so difficult for us to admit our problems.

I am positive you have undergone an argument with somebody you love ahead of. A man that's deeply in really like with you will fight truthful, he may converse what is actually on his thoughts regardless of whether you'll agree with it or not, but he'll also ensure to hear your side. He'll deal with the argument as calmly as you can because he will not like to see you receive upset.

And, if a guy cares a good deal, he will never ever allow the two of you head to mattress in the course of a conflict. He'll try to take care of it rapidly and he will not likely be ashamed to apologize to you. He is not going to even care that's inside the improper.

Also, notice his body language when he apologizes. These days, expressing "sorry" isn't going to constantly show sincerity. Seem at his reactions and find out if he does really indicate it. Does he keep your hand or provide you with a hug? If he shows discomfort in possessing physical contact with you even following producing up, then it is a signal that he still retains grudges from you.

eighteen. You're a a part of his household

From knowledge, I found out that a man who provides me to his home to invest the day along with his household enjoys me over a man who'd rather get me out on the date.

Family members will be the most significant factor you've got got, and when a guy would like you to definitely meet up with these individuals, you must imagine that you are also particular in his existence. He wants you to be portion of it and he's very pleased to point out you off, especially to his mother and father. Bringing you home is also his method of telling his household to tumble in enjoy along with you also!

19. If he enjoys you, he'll by no means surrender on you

Have you at any time went through a breakdown the place you experienced nobody to lean on to due to the fact even the folks you believed have been near you already gave up?

If a guy is deeply in enjoy with you, he will stand with you whatever your scenario is. He may well display aggravation every time you happen to be troubled but he is inclined to endure that until you overcome it. He'll be ready to remain up all evening to console you. There may even be situations in which he'll neglect his personal difficulties only to resolve yours initial.

Soon after all, that's what adore is. You can't state that somebody is a component of one's lifestyle in case you cannot manage them at their worst. thewaywemet's post

twenty. He will inform you so

If a guy is absolutely in enjoy along with you, what far better method to present it than simply to inform you he does? I don't imply just stating, "I am in love with you", but he will say and demonstrate it with all his coronary heart. A man's sincerity isn't really really tough to unearth. It really is not their thing to blurt out their emotions that effortlessly similar to ladies do.

So, if a man lets you know he loves you, and you may come to feel it, believe in in him.

[janeykath318]

The Princess Uhura Diaries

June 6 This girl is a college graduate!!! Woohoo! So happy to have my degree at last. Harvard is no joke, believe me. Even Grandmother almost smiled at me when I saw her after the ceremony. I may fall short in the social graces, but she can’t doubt my brains! Celebrated with the girls, then said goodbye and Scotty the Royal Terrier and I are now on the plane back to Genovia. I’ll miss my school sisters big time, but duty calls. I’m being groomed for queenhood someday and Grandmother wants me back there for more tutoring in the ways of being royal. Sigh.

June 8th

Landed back in Genovia yesterday and found a couple big surprises. Grandmother renovated and updated a new suite for me. It’s mind-blowing luxurious. The walk in closet is to DIE for. That’ll come in handy for my extensive shoe collection. The bathroom is larger than my whole bedroom at Mom’s and the bed…..well, it’s every princess’s dream. But that wasn’t the only thing that surprised me. When I went in to my giant closet, who should pop up but Gaila, my bestie from New York!! There was lots of squealing and catching up after that. She came all the way over here for my party, bless her heart.

June 15th I survived the party, thanks to Gaila and the cute guy I almost ran over on the dance floor. Yum-yum. It started Off like any other royal bash, me coming forth in my fancy gown introduced to a crowd of nobles and diplomats and forced to dance with a motley assortment of stuffed shirts. Ugh. The Pimply French kid was the worst. Then there was the awkward Swedish prince who stepped on my toes three times. I was so relieved to get away from him, I ran smack dab into some poor guy just standing there minding his own business, stepping on his foot even.

He kind of doubled over for a second and I apologized as profusely as I could, dying with embarrassment at my perpetual clumsiness. Then he looked up at me and I met the most stunning pair of blue eyes I’d ever seen. He was kind of surprised himself I think, before he recovered and I made a joke about insurance information to which he smoothly replied in kind. It was almost flirting, but I was so relieved to finally meet a decent guy, I agreed to a dance almost before he’d finished asking.

June 16th

So much for a decent guy. Turns out he’s gunning for my crown!! Today Gran had an uncomfortable meeting with parliament and they brought up the old law that requires a female to be married in order to inherit the crown!! I thought they’d done away with anachronistic, sexist rules like that. Evidently not. So, I’ve got to get myself a man before my next birthday or this James Tiberius Kirk brat gets a chance to lay claim to the throne. I don’t know how, but his Uncle, the Viscount Mabry, said he should get the throne because he’s more familiar with the Genovian society. Then, he brought him over to live here for the summer! When I saw who it was, well, I was steamed and disappointed. Let’s just say, this time, when I stepped on his foot, it wasn’t an accident. Gran said afterward, “As a Queen, I cannot condone it, but as a Grandma, I say RIGHT ON!!” I love that woman.

June 22

Ever since HE moved in, I feel on edge everyday, like they’re looking for reasons I shouldn’t be allowed to rule. The Viscount is always sneering and sniffing at me and James is trying to pretend like he’s not a lying scumbag. If it weren’t for Gaila’s refreshing presence, I’d have ripped out my hair by now, or thrown myself in the duck pond. First there was the embarrassing episode with the runaway chicken. I admit, it was stupid of me to open the clucking basket, but James looked way too tickled by my mortification.

Then there was the inspection of the guard and I had to ride sidesaddle past the whole company without looking like I was in mortal fear of falling to a terrible demise. Of course, the supposedly calm horse spooked at something and knocked me on my rear anyway. Needless to say, my humiliation was complete, AGAIN. I saw Joe looking very grim and somewhat menacing at the Viscount, but I have no idea why. James had the goodness to keep his mouth shut for once.

June 27 Gram is dead set on finding me a husband now. She loathes the Viscount and his schemes to get his nephew the throne. So she and Joe started vetting possible candidates and last night Gaila and looked through the options. It felt creepy. Who wants to pick their husband like he’s a dinner option on a menu? But Parliament would have to abolish the longheld law with a two-thirds vote, and The Prime Minister says there isn’t enough opposition to get the required votes. I can tell that bothers him, but his hands are tied.

So, we scrolled through various young lords and princes until we came to a nice looking Vulcan by the name of Spock. He’s tall, dark, and very handsome, with cute pointy ears and looks very calm and logical like most of his species. I gave him the thumbs up and Gram declared she would invite him to visit Genovia immediately. I’m not promising to marry the guy, but I need something to keep me from thinking about those blue eyes!!! (Darn them) James still keeps trying to convince me our lie dance wasn’t a lie and he really did enjoy it!!

July 1st.

Today was the Founder’s Day Parade. As the princess and heir to the throne, I am obligated to sit on a float and wave at the crowds beside Grandmother. It’s totally not my thing, but necessary for public relations. So up I got, pleased that James had to experience the same discomfort with his pompous windbag uncle. Despite my dislike of him, I have to admit he was pretty smooth at the mingling with the masses part and not nearly as uncomfortable as I’d hoped. I forgot about that when I passed the girls from the orphanage and saw the wistful expression in those eyes. Impulsively, I got down from the float and invited the girls to walk with me at the front. After all, in my view, every girl deserves to feel like a princess even if they never see a tiara. It ended up being the best part of the day and Gram didn’t even really scold me. Even James told me sincerely it was a sweet thing to do.

July 8th

Spock arrived and we met in person for the first time. Let’s just say he’s even more handsome in real life and has those dark brown eyes that aren’t hiding any nefarious designs! (Unlike some) We get along well, if it was a little awkward at first. Vulcans are very literal and logical and don’t always get the jokes, so I try not to get too punny around him. Turns out he’s WAY into science and stuff, founded a special scientific institute in his country even.

July 12th.

Been on several outings with Spock. He’s quite a conversationalist once you get him talking. We took some long walks around the coast, played badminton, and several chess games, at which he royally kicked my butt. Of course, the whole thing is being blown up by the media and turned into a soap opera, which is really annoying. The Viscount though, is really grumpy about it, much to my satisfaction, and James gives me odd looks sometimes, which I find highly unsettling for no reason at all!

July 25th

The Garden Party started out well, and ended in me doing something monumentally STUPID!! How could I let it happen? HOW?? I hate his guts so much right now!! James arrived at the party looking all smug and dapper as usual, with a knockout blonde on his arm, whom he introduced as Carol. She seemed like a nice girl, but it looked more like Jim was just trying to get me jealous, which is totally ridiculous because I don’t even like him!!! Anyway, somehow, Spock and Carol got talking on some deeply technical scientific stuff and James and I were left alone. He started making suggestions that I’m only using Spock to keep my throne and of course I told him off for that, the hypocrite.

“I loathe you!!” I yelled finally, getting right up in his smarmy handsome face.

“I loathe YOU!!” He yelled back, staring at me intently. Next thing I knew, he’d yanked my face to his and was kissing me!! I should have slapped him for that, but instead I kissed right back. I can’t believe that happened. Only you, diary, will ever know that James T. Kirk is really good at kissing, much as I hate to admit it. Then we started arguing again, and somehow ended up in the fountain. I embarrassed Grandmother again. Thankfully, Spock didn’t see that indiscretion, being deep in discussion.

Aug. 17th

Well, James has been a lot less obnoxious lately, seeing how serious Spock and I are getting. In fact, he’s been downright nice, even giving me archery tips as I practiced for the test I’ll undergo the night before the coronation, which involves shooting an arrow through a ring, an Old Genovian tradition, I hear. I tried to ignore the fluttering in my stomach when he laid his hand over mine while correcting my stance, but wow, he seems to have really gotten under my skin. Ugh. Spock has been so sweet about this whole thing and probably being married to him won’t be such a bad thing, but I just can’t seem to be quite as happy as I thought I would with such a perfect man….

Sept. 3rd

Spock proposed. I said Yes. The kingdom is going nuts at the prospect of a wedding. It’s kind of nice, actually, being engaged to him, but I never thought I’d feel so calm about impending marriage. Gram smiles approvingly a lot, Gaila still looks at me questioningly and Jim seems down in the dumps. He mostly keeps to himself now, seems to always have a book in his hand. He and Carol have double dated with us a couple times and she’s great company, but it always ends up with her and Spock doing most of the talking and Jim and I avoiding each other’s eyes. I think he’s changed his mind on me being a fit ruler finally. I wonder if he’ll have the guts to stand up against the Viscount uncle, who’s more bombastic than ever.

March 5.

I haven’t written in forever, but wedding planning has taken over my life right now. The dress, the flowers, the table settings, the cake, pleasing the families and all that jazz is pretty exhausting. Spock’s been really kind and helpful in his own way. He’s great at subtly telling people when enough is enough. It’s very comforting and I ought to be head over heels by now, but I’m not and that saddens me. Should I really go through with this? Is it worth losing the kingdom and hurting Gran? Should I really cave to this sexist law? Gaila told me she’ll support me no matter what I decide, and it’s comforting to know that. For now, everything is going ahead for an April 3rd Wedding.

March 30th

Had a delightfully unconventional “shower” last night. We invited princesses of all ages to the palace for a giant slumber party, including mattress surfing down the main staircase. It was a riot! Even Grandmother joined in, looking dignified while doing it. It was nice to let myself go and just be a regular girl again. Pretty soon I’ll be in charge of a country and fun time? Well, Buh-bye.

April 2nd

I caved to temptation last night and snuck out with Jim to the lake for a moonlight walk. I should be strong enough to resist him, but those eyes just DO things to me and he seems to be much more than an insufferable, cocky rich guy. We really talked this time and I learned about his life and growing up with no parents and I told him about New York and Gaila and my Mom and how awkward it was learning to be a princess.

“You’re doing a pretty fantastic job, in my opinion,” he told me. “You really do care about the people and the country. My uncle is so wrong.”

“You really think so?” I asked (He was holding my hand at this point).

“Sure do.” He smiled at me and my heart did a flip again. Shoving the guilt aside, I stayed with him. We danced in the moonlight and curled up under a tree and dozed off. Bad idea. Next thing I know, there come the paparazzi and I’m running away in rage and panic, wondering if it was all a set up by Jim to create a scandal and wreck the wedding.

I really need to make better choices.

April 3rd

Well, there was a wedding today, but not mine. I couldn’t go through with it, not after searching my own heart and realizing I’m in love with someone else. It’s not fair to Spock, logical as he’s been about the whole thing. When Joe told me that James had NOT planted those paps to ruin me and he believed the young man was besotted with me, well, the was the finishing touch. I went out there and told Spock I couldn’t go through with it. He was very gracious as usual and I think I detected a faint trace of relief on his part. Then the good ole Viscount got up and started haranguing me again and how he wouldn’t stand for this. After he stormed out in a huff, the Prime Minister came up and told me now was a good time to convince Parliament to change the rules. “They’re waiting to be convinced. Go after them and tell them what’s what. Don’t back down.”

I always liked the Prime Minister. Lord Pike is a good man.

Up I got and explained why women are perfectly capable of ruling a country without a husband. Most of them seemed to be receptive, but one old fellow had to ask “What does the other heir think?”

There was a silence, and James stood up, much to my surprise. I certainly didn’t expect him to be there after everything that happened to be there. He looked like he’d had a bad night, but what he said warmed me through.

He backed me up completely!! Even said he utterly refused to be king because he felt the crown was mine and I would be a great queen.

“Plus, she’ll look lovely on all our postage stamps,” he added saucily, with a smile at me. Once he’d finished, he turned and left without further ado, leaving me both grateful and puzzled.

The Prime Minister called for a vote right then and there and the law was overturned. That wasn’t the end of the surprises, though.

Grandmother stood up and declared it would be a shame to waste all the bridal plans, so she and Joe would be filling in as the happy couple. It’s very unlike her to be so impulsive, but the two of them together has been a long time coming and I gladly played bridesmaid as they were united in marriage. What a day!!!

April 16th

I passed the archery test with flying colors and the coronation will proceed tomorrow as planned. I’m really nervous about it, but this evening something wonderful happened. I was lounging in my drawing room, Scotty beside me on his little doggy throne, when Jim appeared and knelt before me.

“What is your dilemma, young man?” I asked him playfully. Those big blue eyes were looking at me so intensely, I thought I would drown in them.

“I am in love with the queen to be and am inquiring as to whether she loves me too.” I admit, I launched myself at him in a very unqueenly manner and we held each other tightly, finally giving in to the electricity between us. Then he whispered “Nyota!” In my ear in a longing, loving tone and I kissed the daylights out of him. How I love that man. Scotty was annoyed at losing my undivided attention and stalked off in high dudgeon, yipping, but we were too busy to care. I’ll make it up to him.

April 18th

The coronation went off with much pomp and circumstance. I now understand what they mean when they say “heavy is the head that wears the crown”. Not only is it a huge responsibility to be ruler of a country, but the crown is literally HEAVY. My head was sweating the whole day.

Between Grandmother, Joe, Gaila, and Jim, I was subtly encouraged by my loved ones and made it through the long ceremonies fairly well. Grandmother bustles around looking proud, Joe kept the throng from getting too big, Gaila smiled, and Jim looked dazzled and proud and utterly gorgeous. Even Spock attended with Carol sticking to his side. I think those two might have a thing going……

(Skips over a year of entries until the next June)

June 6th

I married Jim yesterday. It truly was the best day of my life and Mom got to be there, which was wonderful. I’d felt weird wearing the same dress that I’d originally picked out to marry someone else, so the original was auctioned for charity to support the orphanage. My new gown was a simple long white satin with elegant sheer sleeves and delicate crystals scattered over it. It moved beautifully as well, and Jim seemed to like it judging by the countless times he’s told me how gorgeous I am. He’s no slouch either, rocking that royal uniform with confidence and style.

Joe walked me down the aisle, which made Grandmother very happy. (Was that a tear I saw in her eye?)

Jim’s eyes were just glowing as we exchanged vows and I hope I was able to convey my own love and joy so perfectly.

“How does it feel to be a prince?” I asked him when it was over.

“Not as good as being your husband,” he answered softly, kissing my hand regally. I swooned inwardly. Who could help it?

Just as we started our first dance, he looked down at his feet with feigned anxiety.

“Are my toes safe today?” He asked, the rascal, bringing up our awkward first two meetings.

I laughed. “You bet, baby.”

Well, Jim is starting to stir beside me and I think I saw one blue eye open a bit, so I’d better stop for now. I will say, he has totally cute bedhead! I think I’m going to ruffle it up some more.

“Good morning, Prince James.”

@outside-the-government @kirkaholic123

#trek fest 2017 #Nyota Uhura #james t kirk