remember, we are together always. i won't let go of your hand
( biggest thanks to, and for my angel, @ikigaisvt <3 )
carat revival '24
PART 2: BLAST TO THE PAST
↳ create content that takes us back to your favourite era, OR your favourite lyrics from seventeen songs that have stuck with you 🎵
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akashi seijuro
akashi one day, maybe i'll be old enough to say that life isn't fair without flinching or tasting it bitterly in my mouth and i'm going to have learned this the hard way because i grew up with my father and i never knew how to start looking for my mother seijuro.
akashi i didn't know where to look for her because i was too young to understand the completeness of her death but not young enough to be exempt from that grief or the burden of being my father's son seijuro.
akashi i hit the ground running, even if i don't know what i'm chasing, even when all i want to do is stop seijuro.
akashi how long before my life is my own? will i even know what to do when i don't spend so much time trying to keep my head above the water? seijuro.
akashi i say i've already begun to tear apart, but i've always needed two of myself to stay alive - i can only be one thing at a time: mama's boy or father's son seijuro.
akashi one of me is searching for mother and the other one is me, desperate to please father because maybe this time will be enough, i'll be enough and he'll stop shooting at my heels so i can stop running from him seijuro.
akashi the other me is the son my father has always wanted, but he's also paper thin, also inadequate seijuro.
akashi what keeps me safe with my father does not keep me happy in my life and i can't reconcile the two but the only time this friction doesn't exist is when i'm playing basketball with my friends seijuro.
akashi i love my friends but i've always had to work to earn being loved at home so if they discover any of my inadequacies, they'll leave me and i have to compensate, i have to compensate, i have to never falter, i have to prove myself as something worth staying for and if i can't be loved, i could be worshipped, please don't leave me seijuro.
akashi i love my friends and i miss my mother and the only time i can do both simultaneously is when i'm on the court and i can't afford to lose this and i'll do anything to keep it, even if it means becoming someone else, someone unrecognisable seijuro.
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New Years is hours away for me where I live, but it feels so surreal sometimes that it's coming. Everything flew by so quickly, didn't it? At least it certainly feels that way to me. There are days that I’ll recall something out of the blue and be like, “oh yeah…that was months ago.” But here we are, 2024 coming up like a freight train, but I have really high hopes for it! There’s so much I want to do, to change and do better on going forward and I’m just so excited for it all. I want to get over my fear of driving as my anxiety behind the wheel makes me barely ever want to go anywhere, I want to start going out for walks and going back to kick boxing, I want to read more books, pick up my tablet and reignite my passion for drawing – there is just so much and I’m so excited for it all. Baby steps, though. Most certainly not going to vroom vroom into it all in one go, but these are just a few things I'm looking forward to.
But with all that said, I want to give a big thank you to all of you, especially those I’ve known for a really long time across blogs and fandoms, for sticking with me. Some of you I have known for literal years and that too feels surreal when I really think about it. To those who have followed recently – thank you for deciding to follow me in my little corner! I don't know how you all find me in this wide space known as tumblr, but I'm so happy you did! It has been such a comfort knowing I can step away from tumblr and do other things, be gone for a day or more just enjoying life, playing games, or resting from work, and not have to worry, or care about ‘not doing enough’. Truly, you are all appreciated. So, I once again end this with another big thank you! Here's to a New Year, and hoping you all go into it with a smile!
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