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#this suffering person whose life depends on him- who acts like that BECAUSE they are suffering- you think they deserved to be punished for

piracytheorist · 1 year

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Oh BOI when I tell you this transition gave me shivers

This is a prime example of why spies like Twilight cannot afford emotional attachment, why their entire survival depends on them ignoring their own internal struggles.

Donovan Desmond is a force to be reckoned with; within minutes of meeting Loid, he shamelessly shares his corrupted views on humanity:

"It is simply impossible to understand what someone else is thinking. People will never be able to understand each other."

And that's why you're using force to bring other nations to their knees?

There you have Twilight; a man who lost everything in a war started by people who had the same way of thinking that Desmond has; a man who has sacrificed his own identity and chances of personal happiness in his mission to never allow others to suffer like he did.

The emotional investment is huge. He doesn't do it just because he thinks it's the right thing to do, he does it because he has first-hand experience of how much pain a war can cause. And he'd rather keep suffering if it means such pain won't be felt again by anyone else.

And yet, through all his internal turmoil, he has to look at Desmond and smile and agree with him. Him acting like the loyal Ostanian citizen who believes the Desmond group cares for the country is nothing compared to this transition. He goes from a man who is haunted by the traumas of his past to a beaming, hopeful man who indirectly endorses violence - the very thing that ruined his and many other people's lives - over understanding among humans

He has to become the exact opposite of what he stands for, become the kind of man like the ones whose actions ruined him. And the ironic depiction is not lost to the audience; his eyes are covered in shadows as we hear his inner thoughts, slowly getting brighter as he prepares his disguise, and finally getting back to the light when he fully dons it.

It's disturbing and it's wrong and it's the opposite of how it should be. Twilight may have made it his life's mission to never act on his emotions, but it's perfectly clear he does have emotions; he's just very good at willingly pushing them aside. And this depiction in that lighting is perfect to show how it's a necessary and conscious depravity of his own self that he has to partake in in order to survive and see his mission through.

It's brilliant. Disturbing, but brilliant.

(Anime only fan here, don't spoil me for the manga)

#Spy x Family #sxf meta #Loid Forger #I just!!#I love it both from a storytelling and an angst standpoint #cause we know that his end goal is a noble one #with relatable and respectful motives #but we are made aware of how much he ignores his own emotions #and how prepared he is to pretend he's everything he's not #and go against his own real self #how dark and how deep he's ready to go #he's a hero who casts no shadow - but who is FULL of shadows in his soul #500 #1k

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abysmal-eve · 6 months

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CHARACTER RELATIONSHIP ANALYSIS:

Jin Kazama & Devil Jin

Jin and Devil Jin are like twins who cannot stand each other, but they are bound together in life and death, and they still care for one another in very different ways, because they know they depend on each other. The reason why Devil Jin is "evil" (I'm saying this in quotes because the devil as a creature isn't aware of concept good vs evil, they are more like an animal that reacts to everything instinctively and on impulse) is because when they awakened, their host was dead, and death was the first way they came to life and in contact with the outside world, which is absolutely tragic in a way.

They seem to think that everything unknown to them surrounding their host is evil and must be eradicated in order to make world safe for both them and Jin, but also because they were "programmed" to hate humans as a part of their instinct, as they were created by Azazel as a tool for punishment against humanity.

Jin regards them as a nuisance and tries to get rid of them, thus running away from everyone, which only emphasises the Devil's own conclusion about the world being evil, while it is actually Jin fearing for everyone's lives because Kurou has been awakened and he has absolutely no idea what they can do when they take over his body and mind.

Devil Jin is what would be considered Jin's dark side - sadistic, impulsive, insane and ruthless, but what is the exact reason for that? The Kazama blood being mixed with the Mishima blood gives a very unstable final product - Jin Kazama, whose Kazama blood is so strongly devil-repelent that it retracts absolutely every single component from Jin's body and basically stops the blood from flowing - and by that way, when Devil Jin takes over, Jin technically dies, given the corpse-like pale tone that Jin's body gains when corrupted by the devil gene. It is only after it retreats that his heart starts to beat again as one of the Kazamas' unique trait - power of healing others and self-healing, as means of revival.

This would essentially explain why Jin is not aware of his actions when the devil gene possesses him, and given the fact that other people who know Jin have recognised this as well, it is only further confirmed that Jin Kazama and Devil Jin are not the same person.

They share the same body, but their souls and personalities are vastly different.

Jin loathes himself because of this, but because the Devil seems to not understand why their host loathes them, they blame it on other people, mainly the ones close to Jin, and often for the wrong reasons (such as Xiaoyu and Hwoarang).

This missunderstanding is the constant source of Jin's suffering and detoriorating mental state, as it continues on.

But as he spent a large amount of time in a coma, Jin was actually able to communicate with and even see his devil side, face to face.

They opened up their souls for the first time and came to realise who they truly were. They made amends and formed an unlikely alliance, but also swore to each other that if one were to betray another, they would both go down together.

And when Jin had finally awakened from the coma, he felt stronger - because Kurou actually started helping him for the first time by letting him use their powers and call them whenever he needed.

This was an analysis of Jin's and Devil Jin's relationship throughout the Tekken franchise, explained through my own lens and headcanons.

In my headcanon, the devil becomes much more self-aware and they develop a sense of their own self that they become a separate entity that is still part of the human Jin Kazama. And because of that, Jin gives them a nickname - Kurou, meaning "trouble", "hardship", as opposed to his name that means "benevolence".

They do not have a gender, nor do they comply to the human concept of gender - they reject it, as they view it as the act of humans trying to make their own rules regarding world, which they despise. Hence they claim they have no gender, which Jin partially understands, but still doesn't like their views.

This was my full analysis of the relationship between Jin and Devil Jin, as their bond is one of the few things in Tekken that intrigues me to no end and I sincerely hope this will be partially expanded upon in the upcoming game's story mode.

Thank you for reading!

#eve rambles #character study #tekken #jin kazama #devil jin #analysis #text post

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yourturntosimp · 9 months

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Hey i recently got into yttd and i absolutely ADORE your account. May i request a (yandere of course) shin hcs for when you talk back or blow up at him. Because he's very weak i imagine he wont be able to do any physical punishments. Like maybe he does some psychological torture?

(Any pronouns work!)

A/N: ok so we’ve all accepted atp that i’m an on-and-off writer and that part of the process is disappearing for months and coming back w a post, right? right, cool,,,,,anyways theres sm more i wanna add to this one bc i got inspo from a rlly good book + some good fics i found on ye olde quotev but my typing couldnt keep up w my brain <//3

TWs: uhhhh idk, gaslighting, police mention, manipulation? Idk if ths what it is, isolation, violence/abuse mention, forced dependency, mental illness mention (idk if ths a tw but wvr), medication mention

💻tbh at first, he becomes a bit genuinely worried

💻i mean, it’s not like he wouldn’t expect you to not lash out at all

💻all healthy couples have little spats, from time to time!

💻but a part of him kinda thought that he’d be able to keep you docile enough that you’d return his feelings, and this entire thing could be avoided :(

💻that paired with the fact that it was such an extreme reaction, too,,,,

💻all he did was “fix” your phone a bit so that your calls & texts wouldn’t go to anyone besides himself and any family that you have, is all!

💻but really, it was for your own good

💻if you could see all those mean things your ‘friends’ were saying about you, about your relationship in their other group chats?

💻you would be devastated!

💻he was only helping you out a bit

💻seems like you’re kinda overreacting, it wasn’t that bad :////

💻yeah so once gaslight gatekeep girlboss goes out the window, he’s rlly left with no choice;

💻if you’re so angry at him, then leave!

💻go carry out your normal life before you met him!

💻Except with just one phone call, he’s got people all over town on the lookout for you, and actual help from law enforcement out of the question

💻after all, as far as the police & everyone else in town knows, you’re his poor poor darling, sick in the head, whose been refusing to take their medication for quite some time after suffering a traumatic incident

💻and you’ve suddenly run off! how tragic :(

💻and those blunt force trauma injuries that you “mysteriously” woke up with, after getting a bit too violent for his liking in the midst of your little outburst?

💻those aren’t helping your case <//3

💻so yyyyeah,,,,add nobody to believe you to the list of problems you currently have

💻even your family would be reluctant to take your word

💻after all, Shin is such a nice boy! And you haven’t been acting quite right, everyone’s worried for you, yknow??

💻you could never tell them that yeah, you’ve been acting weird because you’re basically being forced to stay with an obsessive stalker

💻they wouldn’t believe you before, they won’t believe you now

💻you can yell at him all you want, but at the end of the day, he’s the only person who you have

💻and even if you don’t want to accept that….well, you’ll come around eventually <3

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opuestocomplementario · 1 year

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Okay, so the scene where Wonyoung tries to recreate their world but the waves keep erasing his line is so beautiful. “Why are people becoming more childish?” ARE YOU KIDDING ME? And then Taejoon words and Wonyoung reacting and lamenting it, god, I love it. Overall, I love every scene of them on the beach. I really liked how the question can imply a lot depending on who you think is childish. For example, I love how can means Wonyoung is acting like he can recreate that happy moment with Taejoon but also implying the situation they both are in is so frustrating. In essence: why don’t they act like adults and talk with each other? Or why are there so many complications in their life and they can’t be happy? It can also means how we feel about Wonyoung's character, showing us how he is very honest and happy, not letting him be affected by mean comments, but admitting other people are childish and frustrating when they are not clear in what they want. I really like it, especially because he gives light to Taejoons life and makes him feel alive again and wants to know what Taejoon wants from him. Usually, the characters are way too childish to be cute and funny, but Wonyoung is a perfect mix of both. He is also very serious and mature about his work and does what needs to be done, by also accepting that he can’t do only things he likes. In this, I feel like we need to note how Taejoon approaches life; in essence, Taejoon can even be more childish than Wonyoung. For instance, he doesn't see how his actions might be affecting others, and how he is not the only one suffering for things. That’s why I love the moment Wonyoung said to him he gets hurt too and he doesn’t like it. Or he said things knowing how they would hurt Wonyoung. Or even when he expected Wonyoung to keep trying and pursuing him after all and not realizing how painful it is for Wonyoung.

And Wonyoung seeing Taejoon and his ex is actually so painful because he did actually try to stop his ex for bothering Taejoon just for him to go willingly with him and God’s know where. Like he is so valid in feeling the way he feels. I don’t care how many professional meetings those two can have, Seoul is fucking big, Taejoon can have other connections.

I once did an analysis of clothes in Love in the air and I couldn’t miss the fact that Wonyoung is wearing more Taejoon colors in these last episodes; like, that’s something so personal to me. Wonyoung’s style was so colorful and bright, but in episode 9 he looks so plain and dark. And it makes sense because he is working for his shitty company and suffering because his ex is not actually paying attention to his efforts to prove he is doing something more. I feel like it also signifies him stepping his foot down and not letting the comments of people affect him so much. Remember he went away because he lost his job, I think the whole experience made him more mature and intelligent, so people can’t use him like before. In short, I am a #Won Young Apologist first and I forgive everything he does and said.

No one is crying and screaming and punching the wall like I am after realize Taejoon LEFT SEOUL BECAUSE OF HIS EX but once he was in the beach and in a safe place he went back to Seoul ONLY AND SOLELY BECAUSE OF WONYOUNG. He didn’t have to do it, and he could just ignore it for more years but once he met Wonyoung he came back to it even if it gave him pain and made it insufferable. Why this relationship is making me think so much, is not really that deep, but I love them so much.

Also, him putting up with his ex (whose name I have no idea, so sorry if I keep referring to him as “ex”) and saying he doesn’t have feelings for him is so important to me because he said “I have no feelings left”; he is basically saying he doesn’t even consider his ex a person worth it having in his life because there’s nothing linking them together except a profesional relationship which is also not important. He doesn’t even have to forgive him and he doesn’t have to resent him anymore because he legitimately doesn’t have anything in him to motivate those thoughts. While his ex is still clinging onto him and thinking he can control him. Which is so funny. His ex is truly an evil person. He uses the feelings of someone for him to use him to get things. What a shitty person. I hope he never finds someone to love again. Go Wonyoung defending his man and himself while also attacking him.

I love how they talk about their feelings and how honest they are with each other after all they suffered. I think overall they had very honest conversations about their feelings when they were not trying to hurt/misunderstand the other.

I also really like how the drama prioritizes everyone's needs. Like, we have a focus on what Taejoon needed and wanted, what Wonyoung needed and wanted and Donghee and Hotae too. Like, you could see how everyone was mature enough to admit to the other what they felt and what they wanted from the other.

The kiss shadow actually ended me. I was done. I actually thought I couldn’t take more of this drama and their cinematography and there it goes again giving me that beautiful shot. I don’t know about the crew behind this but they seem to know and care a lot about filming techniques and they deliver a good amount of interesting shots I haven’t seen in dramas before. That scene and them looking at each other in the workplace are definitely my favorite scenes.

Last, I genuinely don’t care about their kisses. They hold hands, they hug, they touch each other. Yeah, they give pecks but WHAT ABOUT IT? They said over and over how they liked each other, they call each other boyfriends, they WEAR RINGS AND LIVE TOGETHER. I want the same energy in straight dramas having no chemistry and sucking their mouths. Really.

Overall, I think the show is very good. It has a story, interesting characters, music and visual aesthetic. I don’t think it is bad. Is enjoyable and fast. It gives you the feels, it makes you feel lonely and the couples are extremely beautiful and have insane chemistry. What else do you want?

#unintentional love story #final thoughts #bl shows #bl korean #korean dramas #character writing #character analysis

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lord-radish · 1 year

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imo, the quality of a John Wick movie is dependent on how much of a scum-sucking dickhead the antagonist is. The more they make a character "hateable", the less I like John Wick.

John Wick 1: mafia nepo baby who's necessarily a jerkoff to start the plot, BUT he has a father with more focus than him who understands the world and the stakes of his behaviour and who essentially has to wrestle with his son's life becoming forfeit. Great, robust standalone action movie.

John Wick 2: snide, manipulative, cowardly shithead who's intentionally written to be the worst, but because he's basically fucking with things just to be a dickhead the entire movie it actually makes the movie harder to watch. It's a fine action movie, but it's my least favorite.

John Wick 3: the villain is a broader scope villain whose will is carried out by a character named the Adjudicator. Clearly not a nice person, but all of the lore and intrigue that comes up is fantastic and the journey of the movie is really good. The scope of the villain, and that the main antagonist is more of an emissary carrying out their will, enhances the vibe of the series up to that point - and the action is totally over the top. Probably the best "action" movie due to how good and consistent the action is, even if I think the first one is better at being its own thing.

John Wick 4: snide egomaniac who spends the whole movie committing little overreaches because he's a gloryhound, being a rude, insufferable prick all the way. Again, it's intentional - but "shitty person is shitty" only goes so far. imo, the movie suffers a little with the loss of the screenwriter for the first three movies; cliffhanger stuff is glossed over, and the story's a little aimless? But while I think JW3 is the better action movie, JW4 has the best action scenes in the franchise.

My ranking of the movies correlates with my feelings on the villains. John Wick 1 had an interesting dynamic between the shitty kid who broke into a guy's house and killed his dog and his father who doesn't want his son to die, even if he brought it on himself. John Wick 3 had a whole cast of mooks and antagonists that were fun to watch, and the whole Adjudicator thing where they're acting in the interests of the broader scope villain added a lot to the franchise's pre-existing air of mystery.

But John Wick 4's guy was just an asshole where his fatal flaw of ego, ego, ego is hammered home again and again, and that's even with his connection to the broader underworld setting of the franchise - and the villain of John Wick 2 felt like he was just getting away with everything he wanted and it was frustrating.

I like the movies, best to worst, in that order.

#john wick

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theschmerler · 1 year

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Dim In Ish Ed == My Editorial on Dance and Disabilities and Dec 3

Dim In Ish Ed

How I Will Spend My Disability Holiday

^Excerpt from “In Flight,” performed by Heidi Latsky Dance in Washington, DC last September

I’d like to think that I have a grip on my life, but sometimes that grip weakens. Strength—perhaps not physical, but emotional and mental—has usually been my best quality.

So what do I do in moments of weakness? Shoulder on…face the music…or, maybe, just maybe this year, I ought to pay attention to a holiday I never heard of before:

December 3 – International Day of Persons With Disabilities.

Now, even if you (Reader) have the faculties we ascribe as “normal” – aka, you can walk without assistance; you can order a latte and be understood; you are sighted enough to drive a car; you can hear those announcements on the subway (well, who can?) – I suggest you celebrate IDPWD this year, too.

Celebrate the fact that, for starters, You Are Not All That. No one is. Maybe you’ve let a lot of other people who struggle with disability fly under your radar; well, celebrate the fact that you just took a moment to re-think that. Because, until we can celebrate difference, we won’t truly value it.

Let me pivot for a moment into statistics. As of 2020, the WHO (World Health Organization) reported that a whopping 1 billion of the world’s population are suffering from some sort of disability. 253 million people are affected by some form of blindness and visual impairment; 466 million people have a disabling deafness and hearing loss; 75 million people need a wheelchair on a daily basis; and, depending on whose reports you consult, anywhere from 93 million to 240 million of those persons with disabilities are children—almost 2 million of them living right here in the US. (footnotes below)

The Americans with Disabilities Act formally passed in 1990, and most likely, its fruits have been in your face: ramps required at civic buildings; elevators that ‘ding’ at floors for the blind; room numbers underscored with braille in hotels and office buildings, and of course, those pipe handholds in restroom stalls that accommodate wheelchair users. (Face it, you use those larger stalls, too!)

The fact of the matter is that as much as we have visibly done, we have more to do. (I haven’t even mentioned aging, and a host of what are called “invisible disabilities.”) Too many people in the world are functioning well below their capacity. Simply put: You don’t know what it’s like to live with a functional disability. Day. To. Day.

Take my brother, Joel, who was a paraplegic for the last 30 years of his life. His room at the Liberty Lodge in Williamsport, PA where he lived for a number of years was wheelchair enabled, and the staff were supportive of his needs beyond belief. Thing is, the architectural design (an old style, three-floor motel) was not up to snuff. Yes, the bathroom was “wheelchair accessible”—large enough to accommodate his motorized scooter, with a handrail and a roll-in shower—but in order to actually get in to the bathroom, the entire door had to be taken off its hinges and removed. Hence: accessibility but zero privacy.

And of course, there’s the lab at Penn State University, where Joel was studying to get his Masters in of all things Disability Studies. He liked to take photos of it in winter, because its one, puny ice-and-snow covered ramp made it impossible for him to get to class. (Penn State’s motto is “We Are,” but I’d like to add the word “Clueless.”) And don’t get me started on the cute vegan bakery-coffee shop across the street from where Joel lived. There were three steps to get in. And Joel liked his coffee. The management had a point, namely, that the building was historically zoned and couldn’t be altered architecturally. Plus, there was a Panera Bread in the next block with a ramp, but Joel wouldn’t hear of it. He threw himself over the doorway’s threshold one day, crawled on his elbows to a chair, and hauled himself up on his “sticks” (those metal crutches with rubberized ends) and demanded to be served. (All the while being videotaped by his health care attendant, of course.) Well, this poor small-business owner eventually had to shell out her own money to buy a ramp. No one else would buy it. So that’s victory, one guesses. But now they are out of business, and another coffee shop is there. Time to start all over.

The day to day is hard, you admit. But the day to be aware is now.

What can we do – and perhaps, more importantly, why, should we – this December 3rd?

Joel died on May 3, as much from depression and mental illness as from the fact that his body just couldn’t keep up with the strain of his disabilities. I can only tell you bits and pieces of his final months. Frustrated, and probably off his depression meds, Joel sprayed graffiti on the wall of the building where he lived. (I can show you a picture if you like – it’s actually more of a Kabbalistically inspired artwork, really. Nothing dirty or harsh.) He got kicked out. He then went to the doctor, and got mad that the office didn’t have a power door. So he went and got a hammer and hit it. The door was glass and shattered. The police were called. He was handcuffed and sent to jail. He got Covid in jail, and didn’t get adequate treatment. He went to a facility. Then a hospital. Then hospice.

Protest wasn’t working for him, to say the least. It wasn’t the 60s anymore, dear Brother. No one was really listening.

This weekend, I am going to participate in something more “artsy” than Joel might have conceived, given his devotion to social and political reform, though I hope he would approve.

At 58 years old, I could say I’ve “always danced,” but it’s only in the last few years it’s become a defining medium in my life. I’ve cyphered in local “sessions” of free-style dance held at night at Brooklyn Ballet. I’ve done “ecstatic dances” Online throughout the Pandemic. I also participated in Dance Parade this year, and that’s when I met Heidi Latsky Dance’s administrator, Jamie Dresser. I told her that I’m not as young as I used to be; that my body is, to say the least, quite limited at this point.

She said Latsky doesn’t see things like that.

Every year, on December 3rd, Heidi Latsky Dance hosts “ON DISPLAY,” a performance-meets-art installation that involves dancers of all stripe. (Latsky’s company is known for including both dis-abled and able-bodied dancers in their troupe. One of them, Jerron Herman, a wonderful young dancer who lives with Cerebral Palsy, has been getting some worthy attention of late.) Now, I’m lucky enough to say that I’ve been invited to participate with them.

In ON DISPLAY, dancer-participants actually hold still for most of the piece’s duration. If and when they move, it is slowly, incrementally. During a training session earlier this week, Latsky told us that as dancers, we ought to concentrate on “discovering new positions, not arriving at new positions” as we inhabit the public space. That we would be going inside, eyes closed, a lot of the time, and trusting (e.g., not worrying about) how we looked.

Meanwhile, viewers on Dec 3rd will be free to roam around us as they wish and observe us --much like they might sculptures in a typical sculpture court: objectifying us, thinking about what they see. They could potentially get very close to us, so we ought to be prepared to feel vulnerable, exposed. It would be up to us as dancers, Latsky told us, to find meaning in the stillness. Some of the dancers will be blind; some in wheelchairs; some missing limbs; some able bodies.

And at least one missing a brother.

Dec 3 will be my first foray into public performance in a long time, one where, quite literally, I will be doing my best to hold still. Latsky sees this initiative as much as a moving meditation for each of the performers as a piece of aesthetic dance/performance. And I will be striving to come to terms with a world without Joel, and a world that is not whole until I can find a place in it without him. Yes, I do have all my abilities and senses, for which I am truly grateful, but I have been left bereft by his loss exactly seven months ago. Diminished by this lack, I am too often consumed by how little I can do, and did do, to ease his pain and I often feel quite helpless in the face of the injustices that consumed him.

So, before Dec 3, exactly seven months from his passing when I will turn into a “sculpture,” I wanted to take a moment and write down what, if any, inspiring thoughts I might have; what is my perspective as a sister/dance who is “able” but also somewhat disabled by age and grief and also respectful of Limitation.

What I came up with so far:

We need to expand ourselves beyond our own Limits on a fairly regular basis.

We have to go to a place of dis-comfort in order to change, and also to feel empathy for others who face struggles and, that way, we can probably help people because we are genuinely dancing our dance.

As the day approaches, I am frankly feeling far more scared than I first thought. I didn’t realize when I signed on for ON DISPLAY (a pretty immersive experience) that I won’t be able to answer “how it all went” until much, much later; that I am probably opening a door to a new awareness, and that, once I do, I won’t be able to close it again; that I will have to be in the Moment (in this case, an hour and a half) even if that Moment is difficult, no matter how I feel. No matter how I look to other people. What am I proving to myself? That I grieve? I am guessing that the grief won’t go away. Perhaps some of my frustration might. Perhaps.

“We do what we can.” That’s the adage that comes to my mind. But I will leave you with the motto Joel always used to say to me, which happens to be international disability community’s:

“Nothing about us, without us.”

Sarah Schmerler is a writer, artist, and educator who lives in Brooklyn. She performed in person at NYU’s Tisch Sculpture Court on Dec 2 at 12PM in a work called ON DISPLAY by Heidi Latsky Dance, and will be participating on the Online initiative, ON DISPLAY GLOBAL, on Zoom Dec 3 from 7-8:00PM.

^Still scene from a video of ON DISPLAY performed by Heidi Latsky Dance at the United Nations, Sept 2015

1According to the CDC, right here in New York State, 21% of adults struggle with some form of disability. 2Other statistics according to inclusivecitymaker.com, a website run by French company Okeenea, manufacturers of audio beacons and other accessibility devices employed in cities like Paris and New York. https://www.inclusivecitymaker.com/disabled-people-in-the-world-in-2021-facts-and-figures/

#International day of persons with disabilities #disabilities #contemporary dance #dance activism #ondisplayglobal

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hood-ex · 3 years

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Do you think people get weird about acknowledging that Dick died because they've reduced the characters into tropes and it's important to them that Jason was the Robin who died? If that's what makes him special, then he's not so special anymore if they've all died. So now it's important that he died the *most* because that's his role. Maybe it's okay that Damian and Steph have died, because Damian is just a kid and Steph is an afterthought, so now they can write fic about Jason and Damian bonding over it and either ignore Steph as a past Robin or have her bond with Jason too. Dick is a problem though. Because a big part of Jason being special is that he has had it worse than Dick. Tim is on thin ice, depending on whether we buy into the decision to ignore all previous canon and suddenly make him Jason's favorite, but Dick is a nonstarter. He cannot have his suffering acknowledged. He is the happy golden boy favorite popular perfect one, the cheerleader to Jason's underappreciated bad boy--whose trauma is *very* important to his appeal to some people, so much so that they cling to the merest hint of it in his past and make it central to his fanon character. In a better world, maybe canon would have shown Jason try to commiserate with Dick over the experience of realizing you were being murdered and feeling your life slip away, or at least he'd think to himself how much he hated that he was too mad to do that. Instead we got Jason trying to joke with Tim about how good it must have felt to punch Dick in the face? I was disgusted. Even worse, canon never saw this as a problem, because Dick's death was just about shuffling pieces around and moving to the next story. Part of why it's so easy for fans to argue that Dick didn't really did is because canon acted as if he didn't really die. The man got nothing. Every time this topic comes up I think about that funeral issue that was scrapped and how impactful it would have been.

Ohhh for sure. I think that just like how some iterations of Jason see Dick as his competition, some of Jason’s stans also see Dick as Jason’s competition. Like when the Titans trailer came out and Dick said, “Fuck Batman!” everyone started freaking out saying, “Dick would never say that! That’s something Jason would say! Why are they giving Dick Jason’s personality?” And it’s like LOL I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but Jason is gonna have to wait in line behind Dick and all the other people who would say, “Fuck Batman.”

I think some stans start to get a little twitchy when they start to make connections like:

Jason: “I died.”

Dick: “Me too.”

Jason: “I was buried underground. I had to dig my way out.”

Dick: “Did you go up? I dug sideways.”

Jason: “I use guns!”

Dick: “I have before. Not in the same way.”

Jason: “I’ve killed people.”

Dick: “I wish I hadn’t but I have.”

Jason: “I have issues with Bruce.”

Dick: “Who doesn’t?”

Jason: “Bruce replaced me.”

Dick: “Hurts, doesn’t it?”

Jason: “Bruce didn’t kill the Joker for me.”

Dick: “No, but I did.”

Jason: “The system failed me.”

Dick: “I went to juvie instead of the foster care system.”

Jason: “I lived in a shitty house.”

Dick: “I lived in a trailer with my parents and a performer named Tombo.”

Jason: “Roy and Kory are my best friends.”

Dick: “Ditto.”

Jason: “I ran away from home.”

Dick: “Yup. Been there, done that.”

Jason: “I cuss a lot.”

Dick: “Yesterday Alfred told me I had to put more money in the swear jar.”

Jason: “...I wear leather jackets.”

Dick: “I ripped my favorite one while trying to get away from Slade.”

And instead of people using all this shit to have Dick and Jason relate to each other, they try to mischaracterize Dick or brush him off in order to make Jason seem more special or superior. Tis annoying.

#Dick Grayson #Jason Todd #anon

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linkspooky · 3 years

Text

TOJI AND MAKI

The parallels between the two outcasts of the zenin clan have already been pointed out plenty of times in canon, for example they're both incredibly buff. However, I thought I would take a deeer look at both characters, as they share both a role as the abused child that destroys the system that created them, and the same fatal flaw.

1. The Child Who is Not Embraced by the Village Will Burn it Down to Feel its Warmth

"The Ones who Walk Away from Omelas" is a 1973 work of short philosophical fiction, about a summer festival in the utopian ity of OMelas, whose prosperity depends on the perpetual misery of a single child. The idea is written around the idea of the scapegoat, a reoccurring trope in stories where someone innocent is blamed, or outcast for the mistakes of other characters.

All of this to say that both Maki and Toji represent the archetype of the scapegoats of their generation. Just like the child of Omelas, all of the problems in the Zenin household are blamed on one child.

This is something Ogi does to Maki directly, and also Naoya recognizes that the other members of the clan did to Toji. They were unable to face their own inferiority, so they blamed it on a scapegoat. Ogi blames his failure to become the head of the clan on his children. The entire clan is unable to recognize Toji's strength, because it would make them question their traditionally held notions of strength, Toji requires the use of weapons and can fight without cursed techniques, which means the cursed techniques they were born with don't make them inherently better with other people.

This is also related to Gojo's criticisms of Jujutsu Society at large, of which the Zenin Household is a very toxic microcosm of. Gojo's critique is that the previous generation will sacrifice the lives of the younger generation, to maintain their power, and in the name of pointless tradition. In the Zenin family "tradition" is the idea that inherited curse technique determines a person's worth.

Their entire system is built around one, keeping cursed techniques in the clan, and two, passing down inherited curse techniques from father to child. Which would go farther to explain the treatment of women by the clan, but we're not getting into that this time. Basically, the "peace" and the "superiority" of the household are built on the idea of marking and scapegoating an outsider, that is anyone who doesn't fit in with the clan's traditions. "If you are not of the Zenin Clan you are not a sorcerer, and if you are not a sorcerer then you are not even Human". That quote alone should explain how Maki and Toji were both treated as subhuman 'monkeys' by everyone around them.

However, the story shows us by both Toji and Maki snapping how terrible these abusive power structures are. One person cannot handle all of that alone, so they snap. Of course they snap. It's not a sign of who Toji and Maki are as people, but rather how no one deserves to be treated that way. A major reocurring theme in Jujutsu Kaisen is no one person alone, can take responsibility for everything, not even Gojo who is the strongest can save everyone he wants to save or be responsible for all of society he needs allies too. Toji, and Maki without allies, they snap and lash out against the same abusive power structure that created them. They are so thoroughly othered by everyone around them, that they embrace their own inhumanity, Maki becomes a weapon bent on killing her family even murdering her own mother, and Toji outright calls himself a monkey.

This is also why Toji is referred to as the "destroyer of destinies" there are two reasons for this. One, Gege is making a thematic point here. The abusive system built on othering and excluding children among other things doesn't actually provide the stability it promises. The center does not hold. The abuse of the system perpetuates and only leads to more destruction. Toji's outcasting isn't something that just hurt Toji alone, everyone felt the consequences of it because the abusive system proliferates and only causes further destruction. The second reason is a Jungian idea on which the story is based on. Toji himself is much like a curse created by the actions of his entire family. If Mahito is created from the fear humans have for each other and acts as the shadow of humanity representing their dark side, Toji metaphorically represents the combined shadow and dark side of the zenin clan. In Watch Man, Rorsarch monologues about how the accumulated filth of all of the abuses that happen in the city will one day rise up and affect everyone.

"This city is afraid of me, I have seen it's true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will form up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout save us and I'll look down and whisper no."

This is expressing the same Jungian idea, a society that ignores these problems will only cause the muck to rise up further and further until it affects everyone. The Zenin clan was a microcosm for the abuses of Jujutsu Society as a whole, they weren't the only ones affected by their abuse because abuse perpetuates. They endured it until they snapped and then acted out that abuse. The Jungian idea put forth is that this sort of reckoning was always going to happen, as long as the Zenin clan continues to create these outcasts in order to hold themselves up as superior, another Toji will happen.

2. Love is the Worst Curse of Them All

Toji and Maki also share the same flaw as people. Their abuse revolved around the idea of outcasting them from the rest of the family, othering them, continually putting them down and also most likely not even doing the job of raising them as children or providing them with the help they needed. We don't see much of it, but in the databook apparently Toji regularly had cursed spirits sicked on him to mock him, and Maki was locked in the cursed spirit room as punishment.

This taught them not only do they need to be strong on their own, but also in order to prove themselves they both thought they needed to be stronger than anyone else in the clan. Toji left Jujutsu Society as a whole, whereas Maki just left the house, both of them with the motivation of proving themselves stronger than the people who looked down on them.

This strong sense of individualism is their greatest strength, and also their weakness, as the situation is more complicated than being stronger than a bully. Maki and Toji are made to feel alone because of their abuse, however, neither Maki nor Toji suffer their abuse alone.

Mai was abused right alongside Maki, they were both outcasts due to being twins. There's no point in arguing which one of them had it worse, because Ogi was perfectly willing to kill both daughters right alongside each other. Maki does and doesn't remember that Mai is right alongside her in her abuse, it's... a bit complicated.

I mention this because Makiaated reason why is that she would have hated herself if she stayed inside that household with Maki. She put pursuit of becoming a stronger sorcerer above her relationship with her sister.

Maki later states "I can't create a place where Mai would feel like she belongs". I don't believe that was always her intention from the start that she secretly left the household for Mai's sake, and wanted to get stronger to create a place where Mai belongs, because Maki's always been really clear she was doing it for her own sake. I think rather after the loss she suffered in Shibuya, and also the fight she had with her sister in the school met, that she came to change her mind and realized she wasn't just in this alone. She changed her mind, that she wanted to be together with Mai, but she didn't change it in time and tragedy struck.

I mention this because Maki and Toji both share the same tragic flaw. Both of them have no idea how to be close even to the people they love, so they end up pushing away the ones they love the most. Maki continually shows behavior of pushing away Mai, and in Toji's case he does everything he can to try to show himself he doesn't love his son.

Maki continually pushes away her sister Mai. Mai reacts to getting pushed away in a not-so-healthy way. Toji full on deadbeats his son. He doesn't raise him or participate in his life to the point where Megumi can't remember his face or name at all. Toji did everything he could to try to give Megumi to someone else, anyone else other than him and avoided his responsibility as a father.

It doesn't come from malice on Toji and Maki's part, but rather it's a less savory aspect of their abuse. Both Toji and Maki believe themselves to be worthless, and that they can't be accepted or loved. They've internalized the way the clan has treated them. They are so isolated that this comes out in how they treated their closest loved ones, their response is to always push them away and isolate themselves further. Toji narrates this, he chose to throw his son aside because he wanted to affirm himself and prove that he was better than Jujutsu Society. Maki says to Mai that she left the house and left Mai because staying would have meant hating herself.

They are both trying desperately to prove themselves as individually strong, to the point where loving anyone else, or even requiring that love from someone is a weakness. They prove they are strong by avoiding the vulnerability of loving someone else. Toji and Maki both try to separate themselves from their heart in order to become even more physically stronger. For Toji his heart was his son Megumi who he did everything to distance himself, forgetting his name, selling him to the Zenin clan, while at the same time paradoxically believing that he was somehow protecting Megumi and arranging for things that would have been better than Toji just stepping up as a father and taking care of him.

At the same time Maki pushes Mai away when Mai does not want that, and believes that also she can return to the clan and make it a safe place for her sister by being individually stronger than everyone else.

They both approach their loved ones this way, because they were taught that one, they are unworthy of love, and they choose to try to get stronger by throwing away anything that might make them vulnerable.

TWhich is why Maki breaks so hard, and lashes out at everyone when Mai is gone, because Maki believed that keeping Mai separate from herself and protecting her was her way of showing love.

However, Mai and Megumi are like... people. They're people entirely separate from Maki and Toji and also affected by their actions. Megumi was neglected his entire lives, whereas Mai didn't get to have a relationship with her sister and felt like she was worthless and only holding her sister back. This is the central idea of Toji and Maki's abuse narrative, that abuse is complicated, and abuse proliferates and hurts people you don't even intend for it to hurt. It has consequences. Megumi suffers the consequences of the Zenin family's abuse because it turned Toji into such an unfit and emotionally immature father. Mai was being abused alongside Maki, and even ended up dying from her abuser's hand as her father Ogi beat her half to death and locked her in a room. Now, as a consequence Maki is lashing out at everything around her. That's also why the connection between Toji and Maki is drawn, to show that as long as the abusive institution still stands, it's just going to keep creating more outcasts like Toji and Maki.

#toji zenin #maki zenin #jujutsu sorcerer #jjk meta #jujutsu kaisen meta #jujutsu kaisen theory #zenin maki #mai zenin #zenin mai #megumi fushigoro #fushigoro megumi

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dogmascutie · 2 years

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okay dee here is my question for the corrie guard. whose love language is physical touch bc I WISH TO HUG

OKAY NOEL i love this so so much and got over-involved in my thoughts, so i’m going to talk about ALL THE CORRIES’ LOVE LANGUAGES starting with physical touch 🥰 i gotta shout out @jangofettswife for coming up with a lot of these ocs and generously allowing me to contribute to their details. we ironed out theirs and the commander personalities together, so again, a lot of credit goes to her 💞

additionally, these are not singular love language, just the ones i thought of immediately for them! i think they’re all a mix depending on the situation 💞 but some of these boys totally stick out as physical touch guys, etc etc

corrie guard and their love languages:

physical touch

thorn. he’s not the best at expressing his emotions verbally, but you know when he wraps you in a long hug, chin tucked into your shoulder, or holds your hand so tightly you can see the strain in the muscles of his arm, he needs you. alternatively, when you’re crying or shaking from panic, he gives the best fucking hugs.

stitch (oc). stitch is a medic and the best friend of patch - though they’re not batch mates, they bonded on the transport to coruscant and even gave each other their names. he suffers from severe anxiety, and so the best way to help calm him is a good, firm, long-lasting hug. he also suffers from sleep-wrestling, which developed before the anxiety and is very strange. no one really knows what it’s about, but a hug also helps put a stop to that - patch and grenade are kind of experts in this. i also pin stitch as having a hot, nautolan doctor gf named neema, who’s 6’3” and always ready to hold him. but she’ll always take volunteers to help give him love, after all, she and stitch noticed you across the bar and really love your vibe-

jek. he’s a man who likes the little things, like cozy nights in, warm mugs of caf, and the ones he loves safe in his arms, or pinky-to-pinky as you discuss difficult topics. jek is a lover forced to be a fighter, and he would much rather hold you through a stormy night than be patrolling during it. he’s one of those guys that never wants to let go of your hand, fingers entwined, stretching over barriers that come between you so that your fingers brush just so he can still touch you. it’s grounding for him.

cannon (oc). a loose cannon so to speak, cannon is rough and tumble and ready to go. he and hook have an affectionate mentor-mentee relationship. cannon’s just barely out of shiny status, and often thinks he needs to be brave and strong constantly. but hook knows sometimes his little brother just needs a bracing hand on his shoulder, or a keldabe kiss that says “i’m proud of you, vod”. if you’re with cannon, and you start playing with his hair, or squeeze his hand when he can’t seem to slow down, well, he’s not going to want to leave your side.

acts of service

fox. man, he’s the king of taking care of others’ needs, but he’ll lose his mind if you take care of his. doing basic tasks to help him through his day, like organizing files or updating his calendar, means the fucking world to him. it just takes the intense stress he has and lessens it, and that’s the greatest thing a person can do for him. thorn and stone in particular are experts at helping fox feel taken care of, though he’s loathe to admit it.

lot (oc). oh my beloved lot. he’s just a giver, man, and he’s gonna help you in any way he can. he feels most fulfilled when he’s helping others - he’s been all but forbidden from patrols bc he ends up helping out at the local community garden for four hours, just having the time of his life. for this reason, if you do something special for him, like helping to paint his armor or teaching him something important to you, he just melts for you. he can’t help it.

blast (oc). blast often gets assigned to dangerous missions because 1. he volunteers and 2. he’s really, really good at them. he’s ready with a cocky smile and a quick quip before he’s heading into the fray, locked and loaded and giving out orders as well as any commander. bc he takes on too much, acts of service mean a lot to him - so when thorn or ace take over a task that needs doing that blast hasn’t gotten to, well, let’s just say he’s really thankful. if you make his day a little easier by helping him plan it out or cleaning up his space after a busy mission, he’s sure to make it up to you tenfold. trust me, he’ll be very thankful.

fang (oc). oh, fang, our little shit, our beloved edge lord arf trooper. fang is someone who loves to project an image of badassery, of tough guy, no-nonsense - oh my god, hound, you have to kill that spider, please, please hound kill the spider please please please-. yeah, fang’s a bit of a wimp, but grows more courageous over time. still, he tends to avoid the more frightening aspects of his job, and when his brothers or hound cover for him it really means so much. when you kill the spider, however? expect him to go on a long rant about how brave and strong and deadly his partner is, right before showering you in kisses.

words of affirmation

thire. our beloved lieutenant-turned-commander is a huge fan of words of affirmation. he kinda lives on praise, and enjoys giving it - i hc that he really looks up to fox, so the occasional “you did good” from fox has thire all but teary-eyed. he regularly compliments jek and rys on areas they excel at, or have improved at, bc he thinks it’s really important that they know he’s paying attention and cares enough to give that feedback. thire will very seriously and carefully tell you all the things he loves about you, and his dream is to have you do the same for him, although he’s a little embarrassed to admit that. i have a crap ton of nsfw hcs on this very subject…another time, perhaps.

blaze (oc). blaze my beloved! twin brother of grenade and riot trooper, blaze is pretty similar to his ornery chief medic brother. he’s a gruff man of few words that he uses sparingly, but he’ll speak freely to the ones he loves. he and grenade will take time out of their busy schedules to com and catch up, always telling each other how proud they are of the other, in their own way. there’s a bit of fear of losing each other there, so they’re committed to reminding each other that they care. blaze’s boyfriend, arlo, loves to heap him with generous praise - and you can join in on the fun, too, if you want to watch blaze get all flustered and cute in a way he’d rather die than have his men see.

grenade (oc). we’ve already talked about his and blaze’s exchanges, but grenade also finds it important to dole out gentle if firm words of affirmation to his right-hand men, stitch and patch, as well as his patients. grenade believes firmly in tough love, but not cruel tough love - just honesty and criticism where necessary, and lots of praise where it’s deserved. troopers who make it through tough injuries are regarded as heroes by grenade, who sees a lot and knows how hard recovery can be. he tells them as much proudly. if you’re with grenade, and you tell him he’s a hero to you? well, expect him to deflect and point out all the amazing things about you - but it means a lot to him, really.

ace (oc). oh ace. a beloved oc guard who just. falls in love with everyone he’s ever met. he’s a hopeless romantic who can’t commit, but the sure fire way to get his attention is honeyed compliments - boy will swoon. he works under thorn, so he’s used to huge and warm handshakes, meaning flirty touches don’t work quite as well. but you look him in the eye and tell him you find him fascinating? yeah you’re going home together. ace is something of a poet, regaling his brothers with grand tales of their own bravery, exaggerating for effect, and to make them laugh. he’ll regale you with such tales, and then make you squirm with the sincere way he compliments your looks, your voice, your dreamy personality. watch out for this one; he’s a heartbreaker. but he doesn’t mean to be! honest!

quality time

hound. *quality time with him and grizzer. truly, hound just likes being around his loved ones. time is limited, especially in his life, and he wants to use that time up with the people he cares about. i see him as very much the mom friend, checking in on both the commanders and the guards, shinies especially, friendly, loving massifs in tow. he likes getting to watch his brothers relax as they play with or pet the dogs, knowing he made a difference. sitting in silence together, just reading or eating, is truly the most wonderful thing to him. runor is a great partner in the way they provide this regularly, both at work and outside of it. if you want to be with hound, he’ll fall for you the moment you suggest going to the park to watch the sunset. now that is his idea of a perfect date.

rys. my man loves experiences, and he wants to share them with you! he wants to explore every inch of coruscant, and every planet in the galaxy once he’s finished that, and he wants you at his side, marveling at every new thing to try. jek will often patiently go along with his brother, trying new things to indulge him and volunteering for interesting tasks together. it’s times like these rys gets really comfortable, and will likely teach you about himself by doing things that matter to him together. he’s a cutie, who just wants to experience all life has to offer with those he cares about.

patch (oc). similar to hound, patch enjoys sitting in silence, but for different reasons. patch’s problem is his mouth: he can never convince it to shut up, even when he wants to. oftentimes he doesn’t want to, but sometimes he wishes he wouldn’t be so stubborn. getting to just sit by stitch or grenade or even his beloved scrap metal protocol droid helps calm and ground him, and the fact that they all have the patience to let him calm himself into silence and just sit means a lot. if you have the patience for that, hand in hand as you listen to music, well, he’s gonna make the effort to be less stubborn for you, that’s for sure.

receiving gifts

stone. he wants a sugar mama/daddy, it’s absolutely the truth idc idc. stone my beloved LOVES indulging in fancy gifts, and so decadence like chocolates and jewelry is fun and means a lot to him. but small gifts, like extra food from the mess or a fresh coat of paint for his armor, absolutely warm his heart, and when his men present them to him randomly, he does get a little emo let’s be real. eventually, after the war, hound and runor give stone a massif puppy and he does in fact cry. a lot. any gifts you give him he’ll react sincerely and strongly to, and he’s a bit of a hoarder of things he’s received from other people…within reason. he loves you but he’s not keeping that ticket stub, sorry. best possible gifts include favorite snacks, good socks, and weed and a nice bowl to smoke it in

hook (oc). HOOK!!!!! god i love this captain so much. he works under stone, and learned the taste of luxury from his commander. also, he works a lot with civilians and gets a decent amount of baked goods so he sort of just…starts to love gift getting and gift giving lajskdkf. stone and hook get along famously bc of their shared sense of humor and appreciation of gifts, and try to get nice things for each other on occasion, like the aforementioned meals and paint. his boyfriend is a MASTER baker, and that is half the reason hook falls for him. he learns how to bake just to return the favor, and yes it’s very cute. if you present this man a cookie, he’s going to flirt intensely with you, and if you keep giving him sweets, you’re going to have a new boyfriend pretty soon. hook is easily swayed by good food, okay?

nomad (oc). the cynical, sarcastic arf trooper, constantly ready to end his annoying brother fang’s life. he’s hard to pick out gifts for, but if you put your heart into it, and seek out something you really feel is meaningful, he’ll be secretly very moved. he pretends otherwise but then he’ll present you with something equally meaningful, and you know you got him right in the heart. whenever he and fang have a bad fight, fang knows it’s okay again when nomad presents a thoughtful peace offering. hound, who loves his boys but wants to throttle them, tries to be attentive to both their love languages - but killing spiders is admittedly easier than finding gifts to nomad’s tastes.

dogma. my beloved honorary corrie is a sentimental man, i think. unlike stone and hook, he’s very much a “it’s the thought that counts” guy - meaning he does keep the receipt with the flower you doodled on it and gave to him. he finds gifts with thought to be wonderfully generous and loves that you think of him when he’s not around, so the scarf in corrie guard red that reminded you of him or the datapad screen protector you had an extra of to give him really do make him happy. he has a whole extra shelf made of scrap metal in his locker just for gifts you gave him. and when his brothers give him gifts? forget about it. that’s all he talks about for days. tangible shows of love mean a lot to sweet dogma.

ask me about the corries! oc or otherwise

#SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG LAJSKDJF #you said corries and love languages and i blacked out until this was done #commander thorn #clone trooper jek #commander fox #commander thire #sergeant hound #clone trooper rys #commander stone #clone trooper dogma #clone ocs #dee writes #malewife-hansolo #ask dee

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animeyanderelover · 3 years

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Whoo, requests are open! Can I get Azusa Mukami, Ash Launders, Lau, and Grell Sutcliff with a darling who's a ghost, or something akin to one? Thank you, please take your time with this and remember to take breaks when you need to!

I recently talked about this with my friend, but both of us are amazed with how popular Ash actually is. He suddenly became so beloved in here. Not that I complain😏.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, paranoia, self-harming behavior, kidnapping, killing

Ghost s/o

Grell Sutcliff

🟥Grell is a grim reaper and for that probably met ghosts quite a few times ago. Ghosts are souls from people who didn’t find peace yet and whilst humans can’t see ghosts most of the time, other supernatural creatures can. Grell feels sometimes a bit sorry for ghosts whose souls are tight to this world until whatever doesn’t allow them to Rest In Peace is solved. There are exceptions though, it isn’t unheard that even after the issue was solved, ghosts decided to stay, mainly because they started enjoying life as an undead once again. So at one point such examples were counted in the supernatural community as well.

🟥If her darling should be a pure ghost, it depends on whether they still try to find a way out of this world or are one of those who decided to live forever as a ghost. If it’s the first one, she would definitely try to make her darling enjoy life once again since she doesn’t want them to leave. She wants to give them happiness once again and would try about everything to make them feel joy again. If it’s the latter case, she would switch from a worried mother mode in a totally fascinated one. She did meet ghosts before, but normally they are more of loners since they grief over whatever they couldn’t finish during life. So having a darling as ghost makes her more interested since ghosts aren’t that known to other magical beings.

🟥Hopefully you know how to manifest yourself or else Grell will get really pouty since she’s clingy. A ghost can learn to materialize their body so others can touch them even though that takes practice. Girl loves you just very much to the extent where she often wants to jump on you and tackle you in a hug after a boring day of work...which ends with her being met with the ground of you don’t know how to control it or did it on purpose. It also tends to scare her a bit if you suddenly pop somewhere up without her knowing since you can just walk through objects. There was this one time where you were looking for her, ending with your head popping up through the ground right in front of her. And Grell might be able to handle, blood, zombies and other gore stuff, but not this. It ended with her screaming startled.

🟥If you’re not dead, but just possess the possibilities of a ghost, the whole walking through walls and turning invisible stuff, you’re most likely a hybrid because believe it or not, in materialized form ghosts can create or bear children too. And half breeds have been since the earliest days always been a more risky topic. Many creatures are still lacking the openness to accept persons from two different kinds since many are still in the classic belief that only the same species should have children together. It leads her to being more overprotective over you since she doesn’t want you to endure hatred and racism from others. She’s fiercely overprotective in that regard.

Lau

🚢He has a weird fascination with such things, at least in my opinion. He might only be human, but he has awareness of the more otherworldly creatures on this planet and his assistant, Ran Mao, herself appears to be some sort of superhuman as well. He has probably heard a lot of ghost stories before, either from his own country or here, in England. And he is somewhat good in telling when a story was just made up so the person could suddenly gain attention or if there is a spark of truth in it. He has a nose for stuff like this and actually likes listening to such stories.

🚢So expect his obsession to very quickly grow if his darling should be a ghost even though he would hold himself back if they are unhappy due to their unfinished business. He is manipulative and is also, despite being good in hiding it from his darling, very greedy and mercenary. He might not show it, but he has every intention to make his darling stay with him, even if that means ensuring that whatever they need to do in this world will never be finished. If you are that kind of ghost who’s happy with their new life, he would be much more open with his curiosity, expressing his interest in your abilities and also backstory. Especially if you should be a lot more older than your appearance gives away, he would be keen on your story. If it should happen that you were murdered and the killer is still alive, that guy will join your kind maybe very soon if they have regrets in their life.

🚢He’s also interested in how your anatomy works since he’s an expert in it. He of course wouldn’t use you like some test subject, but he is just kind of interested how you are able to turn your whole body in one moment in something thinner than air and in the next moment into something that appears to be flesh and blood again. He also kind of likes it to touch through you since your transparent body has a certain coldness around it which gives him goosebumps. It’s a great contrast to when you have materialized and are in possession of a warm body which leads him to being even more touchy than usual. Lau finds it also always very amusing whenever you suddenly appear out of thin air, your abilities are such a breath of fresh air for him. He tends to be a bit surprised, but is good in hiding it with his usual mysterious smile.

🚢He can only guess that a half-ghost like you are one isn’t very beloved in this world. Lau of course doesn’t think you, he finds it highly interesting that you are a mix from two different species, he never thought ghosts could actually create babies. If there’s the possibility, he would like to meet your parents and talk with them, especially the parent who’s the ghost. It kind of leads him to wanting to isolate you a bit since he doesn’t want some other creature trying to kill you since different from a normal ghost you can get hurt by weapons and die like a normal human even though it’s harder to do.

Ash Landers

▫️Whilst he definitely is informed about all the other magical beings existing in this world, he stays away from pretty much everyone, even his own kind. Ash is just embossed from his obsession with purity and doesn’t think of anyone as really worth living since everyone is tainted by greed, lust, sloth and other unspeakable sins. He even hates his own kind since many angels protect the exact lowlife he wants to get rid off, believing that every life deserves living and given a chance. He is somewhat alone with his crazy goals, but he doesn’t mind.

▫️I think Ash with a ghost darling isn’t a very good mix, a horrible if I’m being honest. For the simple reason that you already died and merely your soul remains on this planet, either because of your own free will or because you carry a burden with you. You’re dead. That should say everything to why Ash is experiencing the true deepness of madness and terror someone could never possibly begin to imagine. He failed, he pathetically and utterly failed to protect the only person who actually deserved a happy and good life. It makes his whole life shatter, next to his already screwed up sanity. It does not matter if you were killed, died in an accident or because of a deadly sickness. The village you lived in will be blamed and slaughtered by him.

▫️He’s horrible to act with this because I have this terrible thought that he will not only not allow you to leave, but also desperately try to search for ways to somehow get your soul back into your body or will find a vessel in which you can live. He does not care if you want it or not, he doesn’t even really care if you’re happy or not. Dead is dead and he wants you alive. He would get incredibly prone and torn apart if you yell and cry at him that you don’t want it, that you want to die finally in peace or like being a ghost. You just don’t understand!! HE HAS TO MAKE SURE YOU’RE ALIVE AGAIN!!!

▫️With you being only something akin to a ghost, a hybrid in here, the situation would still be very tangled, but a bit less than with you being an actual ghost. I see Ash as someone who usually despises hybrids, but you are made the only exception from this. It isn’t worth saying that he isolates you since he would do this in all scenarios, even though he also does it in here due to fearing that someone might talk down to you because of your unidentified species. He kind of thinks he’s the only one who can truly cherish you for your whole beauty. You might have an advantage since you can just sneak past him whilst invisible, question is if you’re heartless enough to let innocents suffer under this because Ash can and will burn whole cities down if it leads him to getting you back.

Azusa Mukami

🔪I don’t think he ever met ghosts or other otherworldly creatures before even though he lived a pretty long life. It stands even open to question if he is aware of the existence such other creatures. Whilst he does know that vampires exist, he himself is a half-blooded one, he is not really too informed about other creatures and might even not really cared about it anyways before meeting his s/o. His brothers on the other hand considered the fact of other magical beings on this planet.

🔪He is saddened that you are already dead, it doesn’t matter since how long you’ve already been. It’s still very upsetting for him, especially if you should be mourning over something you couldn’t do in your life as well. I do see him as someone who might actually possess the selflessness to let you go if you’re really desperate despite knowing he’ll die without you. So it’s up to his brothers to find ways to bind you to this earth because they’re scared what Azusa will do if you should ever disappear and leave him alone for eternity. With a darling who likes their current body and is satisfied with themselves, Azusa will be happy as well and be in love with you and your fascinating powers.

🔪But please let him touch you. He is clingy and likes having physical contact with you and if you aren’t able to manifest yourself and hurt him, he will become overtime more desperate. His brother also realize the problem with you being able to escape anytime you want from them except if you make this place your new place to haunt for eternity which all of them hope. Whilst he does like feeling your actual warmth and body, he still finds your ghostly form appearing, the feeling of cold and lingering touches everywhere and yet nowhere at the same time. I do not know if ghosts possess blood or anything like this, I doubt it. So that means at least you don’t have to worry about him eventually giving in to temptation.

🔪He will never be able to understand if someone should dislike his s/o if they should be somewhat of a half breed. As I mentioned, I don’t think he really cared much about the possibility of other beings existing and certainly not a mix made from more than one species. It does add up to his worshipper tendencies since apparently people like you are not very common. He thinks you’re wonderful. As a half-ghost you might have blood inside of you, if it’s from a human is another thing to discuss. But Azusa is from all vampires the one who wouldn’t want to suck your blood, even if it drives him crazy. And even if his brothers try to force him, you can abandon your materialized form anytime for your ghost body. You give Azusa’s brothers honestly a bit of a hard time with your abilities, it’s mocking for them in a way.

#yandere black butler #yandere kuroshitsuji #yandere grell #yandere grell sutcliff #yandere lau #yandere ash #yandere ash landers #yandere diabolik lovers #yandere azusa #yandere azusa mukami

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vincememes · 3 years

Text

banana fish starters

WARNINGS: IMPLIED SA, VIOLENCE MENT, DRUGS MENT spoiler warning . to make it less long, the rest is under a cut.

feel free to adjust pronouns / names as needed !

ASH LYNX

❛ even if i did know something, what good would it do? ❜

❛ even a stupid street punk like me knows that ❜

❛ i envy you … being able to jump like that. ❜

❛ what could be more relaxing than three days away from these guys? ❜

❛ i wish i could hate you. i need someone to hate. ❜

❛ someone is dead. not that you’d give a damn one way or the other. ❜

❛ treating him like you’re giving the pope a bath isn’t going to help. ❜

❛ aren’t there any decent parents in this world? ❜

❛ that guy always regarded me as a human being with a real heart, not some sort of tool. ❜

❛ this little act of charity, you’re going to regret this. ❜

❛ i tried to forget. ❜

❛ stay with me... i won’t ask "forever". just for now. ❜

❛ well, i already know you’re a sick man. ❜

❛ ready to lose your life over a pizza? ❜

❛ my name... has become the signal for a massacre. ❜

❛ what on earth... have i become? ❜

❛ what do you think i am...? i’m a murderer... okay? ❜

❛ i told you before. i kill people. ❜

❛ they paid the price for their decisions— that’s all. ❜

❛ what the hell do you know?! ❜

❛ let‘s say i am ‘exceptional’. the problem is, i never, ever, my whole life wanted to be. ❜

❛ you said i am not like ordinary people. ❜

❛ there’ve been countless times in my life when i thought i’d be better off dead. ❜

❛ that nothing could be worse than what was happening to me right then. ❜

❛ at times like that...death looks sweet and peaceful, and unbearably enticing. ❜

❛ war is always good business for those in power. ❜

❛ sorry to destroy your youthful innocence. ❜

❛ you have any idea what those guys made us do? ❜

❛ don’t tell me you still believe the pen is mightier than the sword. ❜

❛ if you ask me, the white house can go screw itself. ❜

❛ i wonder if i’m dying somewhere. ❜

❛ i wasn’t expecting the law to protect me. ❜

❛ i’ve ignored it all my life... i sure as hell don’t plan on hiding behind it now. ❜

❛ just keep them away from me— please! ❜

❛ this town’s my backyard, remember? ❜

❛ sunrise and sunset are about the only times this junkyard of a city looks good. ❜

❛ even if i said no, you wouldn’t go back anyway. ❜

❛ if you went home i’d probably worry if something happened to you. ❜

❛ so it’s better you’re right here, where i can keep an eye on you ❜

❛ some people never change. ❜

❛ vulture got together with the viper. you make a great pair. ❜

❛ why now after all this time— does it have to be you, of all people...? ❜

❛ i don’t stand a chance. i’m dust against him. ❜

❛ over my dead body. if anybody hurts you... it’ll be over my dead body— ❜

❛ i don’t care who it is. i am not letting anybody hurt you. ❜

❛ do i scare you? ❜

❛ dont give me your stupid advice. ❜

❛ i’m happy, goddammit! ❜

❛ i know there’s at least one person in this world who cares about me. who doesn’t want anything from me. ❜

❛ do you have any idea what that’s like? i never did... not once in my entire life—until now. ❜

❛ and that’s worth more to me than anything else. ❜

❛ go back home! don’t look at me! ❜

❛ i don’t want you seeing me like this! ❜

❛ my hands are dirty with other people's blood. ❜

❛ i don't even know how many people i've killed. ❜

❛ i'm bad news. ❜

❛ i wish i could’ve been like you. ❜

❛ it’s just that… i always picture the worst-case scenario, that’s all. ❜

❛ guess it’s because i’m a coward. ❜

❛ i just can’t relax. it’s turned into a habit. ❜

❛ i was so scared i couldn’t speak, i couldn’t cry, and i screamed in my head, but... nothing came out. ❜

EIJI OKUMURA

❛ if i ever lose you too... i'll go crazy. ❜

❛ come back safely. i'll be waiting for you, forever. ❜

❛ if you feel responsible, the same goes for me. ❜

❛ my words might not mean anything now, but just remember one thing. ❜

❛ even if the world turns on you, i'll always be on your side. ❜

❛ humans can change their destiny. ❜

❛ if i'm going to die anyways, at least i'll die trying! ❜

❛ don't apologize. that's something for people like me to do. ❜

❛ i'd do anything for you. ❜

❛ i know we'll meet again, no matter how far apart we are. ❜

❛ you're the greatest friend i'll ever have. ❜

❛ you're not alone. i'm by your side. my soul is always with you. ❜

❛ you asked me over and over if you scared me. but i never feared you. not once. ❜

❛ i'm really glad i came here. ❜

❛ i met lots of people. and more than anything, i met you. ❜

❛ that’s when i decided. i would always believe in you, no matter what. ❜

❛ no matter what happened, he would always have at least one person... ❜

❛ i am very worried because i haven’t seen you and i don’t know if you are okay. ❜

❛ but so what? we are friends. isn’t that enough? what else do we need? ❜

❛ actually, i always felt that you are hurt, much more than me - that your spirit is wounded. ❜

❛ i know you are much smarter than me, and bigger, and stronger - but even so.. i always wanted to protect you. ❜

❛ but what did i want to protect you from? ❜

❛ i think i wanted to protect you from your future. ❜

❛ because your fate was sweeping you away, like a flood. ❜

❛ but i’m not saying “goodbye” to you... because this isn’t goodbye. ❜

❛ are you going off on your own again? ❜

❛ somewhere far away.. without a word? ❜

❛ i want to see you. i wish i was with you right now. ❜

YUT-LUNG

❛ a bloody history is inevitable when you are the one ruling. ❜

❛ what's wrong? you hated him, right? guess what? so do i. ❜

❛ no need to glare. i won't eat you up. ❜

❛ there's nothing you can do to help. ❜

❛ and what can you do to help? ❜

❛ you really irritate me. ❜

❛ you make people want to protect you or make them want to tear you apart and crush you. ❜

❛ so, what to do with you now. ❜

❛ i heard you tried to escape again. you have some spunk. ❜

❛ we have hired him, his target is your friend. ❜

❛ i have other things for you to do for me. ❜

❛ we still have two more scorpions. ❜

❛ i am a monster, too. ❜

❛ i'm not hearing any good news. ❜

❛ you become all tame when you’re around them. ❜

❛ you’ve degraded from a lone lynx to a content pet cat. ❜

❛ depending on your answer, i may not forgive you. ❜

OTHER CHARACTERS (shorter, max, sing, shunichi, etc.)

❛ his face when he laughed was cute, and childlike, and totally angelic. ❜

❛ it's my problem too! if you go alone, you'll just be killed. ❜

❛ you'll die for nothing! ❜

❛ i won't let you go alone. ❜

❛ i'm sorry, but believe me when i say this: i'll die before i let them lay a finger on you. ❜

❛ i can't anymore. set me free. i'm in so much pain. ❜

❛ we need to stay apart so at least one of us survives ❜

❛ if the former boss gets hit then it's the duty of the new boss to make the drop. ❜

❛ if we don't fight back now, we'll forever be expendable tools. ❜

❛ you asked me to look after them. ❜

❛ yes, honey. ❜

❛ that’s for you to decide for yourself.. ❜

❛ what’s wrong? you can’t punch me from that far back. ❜

❛ this will be the last time i give you a word of advice. ❜

❛ time is an ironic thing. for us, it means to age. but for people like him, it means to grow. ❜

❛ i love all women. they're beautiful and strong. like life itself. ❜

❛ it would only be making another one of us. ❜

❛ one more wretched being, unloved and unloving, whose only sustenance is hatred and nihilism. ❜

❛ don’t fight your memories, cuz you’re never going to win. ❜

❛ i guess home isn’t something you want to remember if you ran away from it. ❜

❛ in one second i knew he could read everything on my mind. ❜

❛ i wondered when this boy had started to watch out for his soul, then i knew how much he had suffered. ❜

❛ you are the most beautiful and the most dangerous, of all the beasts i have ever known. ❜

❛ rather than hate and be triumphant, you chose to love and be destroyed. ❜

❛ i staked my life on that choice. please try to accept it. ❜

❛ one who does not love cannot be loved, either. ❜

❛ you at the very least knows what it is to love. ❜

❛ how can you expect someone who suffered so much to have any respect for authority? ❜

❛ fine line between offender and victim it’s hard to know where to draw it. ❜

❛ there’s something about you that i just can’t hate. ❜

❛ 'cause you’re hurt your soul’s bleeding-even now. ❜

❛ you’re just like me that way. ❜

#rp starters #rp starter meme #s;; banana fish #banana fish rp meme #inbox starters #ask meme #rp ask meme #ask prompt #prompt starters #meme prompt #askbox meme #rp meme #i may have missed some good quotes i'm sorry

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roswellnmsource · 3 years

Photo

Lily Cowles Talks Stunt Work on Roswell, New Mexico & the Action-Packed Final Episodes This Season

So, finding out that there's been another alien Roswell really threw the audience for a loop. What were you thinking when you heard that there would be another alien in town?

I mean, I was like, finally. I'm ready for a little new alien blood in the mix, like let's stir it up. We've had our little pod squad, and we have this super tight little dynamic, and it's been pretty insular. They've had to keep everything to themselves, and so I think finding out that there's another person that's like them, another alien. How exciting.

What are the implications? This might change everything. I was really excited about it. I'm like, let's go, plus he's super cute, so.

That's very true. Can you preview what's next for Isobel and everyone as they process this new development?

Yeah, well, I think Isobel is...I think her initial reaction she's excited to bring someone new into the fold. And it's a little more complicated than that. We have a conversation you see with Isobel and Kyle, where he sort of is like, you might want to take this a little slow because this is a man of God.

This is a man whose vocation is faith-based. And to tell him that he's an alien might kind of complicate his life.

So, how much do you really want to ruin someone's life by telling them that they're an alien or change it for the better but I think Isobel is looking forward to kind of bringing someone newer to the fold and wants to share everything and learn from him.

And she's pretty enthusiastic about it. And it's going to have to learn how to handle that with grace and tack, which I think can sometimes be difficult for her. I know she can sometimes be quite straightforward with things.

Beyond that, Isobel is going on a date in this episode, which is so exciting for her. And I think she's going to be faced with having to break down some of the walls that she's built up that she's been working on. So, I'm kind of like personal internal conflict, but also a lot of opportunity.

And I think our writers handle it all so well, and it's going to unfold in a very fun way.

Sure. So, family is very important to not only the fabric of Roswell but to Isobel in particular. Can you tell us a bit about what family means to Isobel?

Yeah. I mean, I think Isobel has always had to lean so much on her brothers. There may have been the small amount of codependency. You might say with the trio because they have this enormous secret, they can't share with anybody else.

I mean, me personally, I have so many friends. I like to go around and talk about all my problems and everything with all my friends, but Isobel doesn't have as many people, or she didn't up until recently that she could talk about these things with, so her family was sort of everything for her.

These two people who understood who she was and saw her for who she truly was.

For the rest of the world, she had to, for many years of her life, kind of wear this mask and do a kind of performance of something that was sort of half-truth. Now, her circle has expanded a bit over the seasons of Roswell, which has been great—adding friends like Maria and Rosa and Kyle, Alex, and of course, Liz.

We've gotten all this new group of people that can support her. But I think the first 25 years of her life were basically just her and her brothers. And so, that loyalty goes really deep, and I think it will always be the trump card for her. I think it will always take precedent over everything else, which can be good, and it can be bad.

Yeah. And that kind of leads me into my next question, which is that Isobel has some of the best dynamics on the show. From Isobel and Michael and their brother, sister bond. And obviously Isobel and Max and this new bond now with Maria. What's your favorite Isobel dynamic?

It's hard to pick one because I love them all so much. I love working with Amber. I love the Isobel and Rosa dynamic so much because it's...there's so many layers in there. There's definitely the 'Oops. I'm sorry that I murdered you with your friends'.

But then also, Isobel kind of guiding her in Rosa's journey learning about her powers, and I think Isobel really took her under her wing. And I think that means a lot to Isobel to be able to be a guide for someone and somebody's mentor. But as time has gone on, the tables have also been turning.

There are lots of times when Rosa has been a mentor to Isobel.

And I love the female dynamics, that is... it's so rich. There's so much in there. Two women who are learning from each other and growing and supportive of each other, and challenging each other to be better. And it comes from this really complicated history that they were able to overcome.

So, to me, that sort of female dynamic is just like, oh, I love to see that.

I love Isobel and Kyle together too. It's really fun. Isobel knows how to shoot. She comes in just with so much energy. And I think there's something that happens. There's some kind of chemistry there, right? There's something, and it all maybe started at Planet Seven.

But, I think Kyle is someone that Isobel really trusts and leans on, and he's like this solid foundation for her, like a real confidant. But then there's more to it than that.

And there's something that's just, it's hard to put your finger on with them, but whenever I'm working with Michael Trevino, the scenes just...we find these little places that things just kind of pop and these unexpected moments come up and it feels like a really complex dynamic.

And I'm excited to see where that goes.

For sure. I got to talk to Michael, and he said very similarly that you guys had a really great dynamic, and he'd like to see more Kyle and Isobel scenes.

You know, give the world what they want! How bout it, Roswell!

Yes! So, Isobel has gone on quite the journey throughout the course of Roswell, and throughout season three as well, we've seen as she's dealt with Jones. So, can you speak to Isobel's resilience and how we will continue to see her growth?

Yeah, absolutely. Playing Isobel has been such an honor because it's a story that I think is so powerful for so many women. She began as this kind of Barbie doll. She was very performative, had this perfect little mask on. She was kind of closed off to the world but had this way of acting that seemed right.

And I think that's the dynamic that a lot of women can relate to.

It's like wanting to come off as being sort of perfect and having this veneer that seems like everything is good, but you're really disconnected from this deep, authentic truth that might be a lot more complicated and maybe messier, but you know what Isobel had to go through in Season One with Noah, it just rips that all off.

I mean, it wasn't by choice.

It happened to her. She was definitely victimized by the thing, and she had basically no other choice but to grow and adapt. And it gave her an enormous amount of freedom. And so often, suffering is terrible, you wouldn't wish it on anyone, and yet it can also lead to enormous amounts of growth.

And that's what I got to see with Isobel that she had to pick herself back up and connect with those deep parts of herself that she'd kind of been denying her whole life. And become strong. You have to find that strength within herself and not just leaning on the men around her.

She didn't have any female friends, and she was pretty co-dependent with all the men in her life. And Season Two, we saw Isobel discovering herself on her own terms.

And I think it's such an incredible gift that the writers gave to this show to see a female doing that, to find her way on her own terms and sort of have to relearn everything and say, "Well, who am I? What do I want? And how do I get that?"

And now we're just seeing her continuing down that path, she's becoming this warrior, she's becoming this total badass, and I think there's never like an end to it.

It's not like she started out like this, and now it's like the end of the story, 'Hooray! She found herself, and now she's like a badass warrior.' It's in Season Three, I think we're seeing her struggling with what does it mean to be a warrior? What does it mean to try to be a strong female?

How much are we suddenly becoming too self-protective when we begin to build this armor where we're making sure that no one's going to hurt us again? Well, is that armor preventing us from also being vulnerable with other people?

And I think the writers have been so gracious to give this arc to a female character that's been so multifaceted.

So, I'm just so grateful. I can't wait to see where Isobel goes, and she just keeps evolving and changing and shedding her skin and becoming something new, and like I said, it's never like a destination; it's all about the journey. So that's been really fun as an actor to be able to play with.

I have to ask about the stunts in episode eight because the scenes between you and Nathan were fantastic. How was it to shoot those scenes?

Oh my God, it was so much fun. Season Two, I had told Carina, our showrunner at the time, girl put me in some action stuff because I had some martial arts background. And after everything that had happened to Isobel, I was like it'd be great for her to become more empowered in her own physical body too.

So that, we started to kind of build the foundation there, and we're seeing it now paying off, all of this training that Isobel is always talking about. We're finally seeing her in action.

In that episode, in 3x08, directed by Benjamin Bray Hernandez, it was so incredible to actually be able to do this stunt work and with Nathan, who's a great, great stunt guy too.

I mean, I swear in another life, he would like to be a stuntman, Nathan. But the two of us actually got to do most of our own stuff.

I mean all of the pool cue, all of the hand to hand. There were a couple of things that a stunt person came in when we did the backflip over the table. We're like, yeah, that's not to break your neck during that. But besides that, everything was us, and it was so much fun to work with a director who was himself a stuntman.

So, he knew how to really direct.

Every strike needs to be telling a story and the way that he filmed it on the actual film, the lens that he was using. All of this stuff was just, it was like a masterclass in stunt work. So much fun, I was so sore, and while I thought that we were using pool cues, I was like, "I'm sorry, I have never used a pool cue in a fight."

And of course we got on the set, and Nathan from Texas, is there whipping it all around in his hand, spinning the pool cue, homie has been in like 15 pool bar fights, and I'm like, "How do you hold it?"

But I think we're a pretty good match-up, and there's more to come between Nathan and I. I'm so grateful. He's an incredible partner to work with. I feel so safe with him. I did one time jab him with the butt of my pool cue pretty hard in the groin.

So, sorry for that, Nathan. But besides that, it was such a fun experience, and I'd love to do more of that.

That's amazing. Outside of Isobel's storyline this season, has there been another story that you've really enjoyed that's played out in Season Three?

I mean, all of it is so compelling.

I've loved seeing, in this last episode, we saw Alex taking on so many of the demons that I think this beautiful parallel storyline of Alex and Michael, both working through the traumas of their parents, what they've inherited from their parents. Michael learning that he is the son of this evil dictator, but his mother is maybe this amazing hero.

And Alex working through the trauma of what his father was.

And I think that a compelling, compelling story is what we inherit from our parents and what we choose to move forward with or what we want to rebel against.

Do we become our parents, or are we given the opportunity to change them, fix their mistakes? And Kyle is dealing with this too with his father and the Valenti code and all of that.

So, I love that the lineage, the kind of questioning of how lineage proceeds through us and what our obligation is to the family line, I think that's beautiful.

And last question for me, with the finale on the horizon, what can the audience expect from these last batches of episodes?

Oh my gosh. Stuff gets so crazy, Whitney! It pops off. I mean, filming it was some of the most intense work I've ever done. We were like Marines. We were like Navy seals. We bonded so hard over just the sheer physical, emotional, and psychological difficulty that we all have to go through over these next few episodes.

It's full of action. It is full of suspense. It's going to be such a roller coaster for the audience, and I cannot wait for them to see it. It's going to be a huge payoff. Our writers did an incredible job, and yeah, I think it's just going to knock people's socks off.

#isobel evans #lily cowles #roswell new mexico #cast #press #3x10 #rnm spoilers

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makingspiritualityreal · 3 years

Note

Hiee .... Can you make a list that denotes karmic relation in synastry aspects & conjuction

It will help new astro learners like me to understand these kind of relation challenge involve in them & differentiate what is toxic....

Thank you....

Karmic Relationship Indicators in Chart

No two karmic relationships are the same. There are karmic relationships that are meant to last till the end of your life, because you signed a soul contract to go through life together. There are karmic connections that teach us something for years and then they fall off. It's very individual, and also we have free will so it depends on what we do with what the Universe is giving us. We might be able to maintain a karmic connection if we choose growth and maturity, but if someone chooses to behave low, the Universe will break things apart until the energy shifts enough for people involved to at least make steps to go in the right direction. Also, it's a myth that karmic connections are always romantic. Often they involve friends, family members, even bosses or co-workers. It all depends on what you need for growth.

The thing with toxicity is, you can always break away from it. If someone is acting toxic, love yourself enough to leave until they straighten out. It's difficult when you care, but let's face it, if the other party cared they would have tried themselves. You don't need someone who doesn't care about you. Ask yourself what makes you unable to leave a toxic situation and focus on healing that part of yourself. In my case, I struggled a lot to call people out on their bad behaviour even though I can see right through it because since childhood I was beaten down not to speak up. Once I healed that, the issue disappeared.

Sometimes, if you can't let someone go there is simply more to the connection and you need to let time take its course until it happens. Just make sure you do your own healing. It took almost a year from our first meeting for my ex to straighten out enough to realise we have a soul contract to fulfil and stop messing up their own life to escape from me and the triggers I was activating in them.

Remember, that the Universe gives you difficult experiences like that to help your own healing. Try to embrace it, after you give yourself time to cope with your emotions, and do shadow work.

If you feel that someone is being toxic, just make sure you stand up for yourself, exit toxic situations and do your best. If you make the right decisions, you will ultimately be fine. The person who does soul work always wins, the person who makes the wrong choices always pays the highest price and there is nothing to envy them. The person who is being toxic suffers a lot on the inside, and ends up alone and miserable unless they face themselves. My father is that kind of person, and he is in his mid 60s, wrecked 3 marriages, relationships with all his children, he is bitter and more damaged every year. I wouldn't change places with him. The point of a toxic situation is growth and healing. Do that, and you will always come out on top. This is something that money or status can't buy you - quality of character. There is nothing better in this world to be proud of.

The karmic element depends on individual synastry a lot, but here is a short list off the top of my head. All aspects on the list should be hard aspects, conjunction, opposition or square, and not too far apart. 10 degrees is already a far stretch. Soft aspects that are too far away will be weak.

1. Saturn aspects. Solid Saturn aspects are the first indicator of a karmic lesson. Force you to grow up, take accountability and responsibility for yourself and your actions. You will suffer a lot in these kind of connections if you don't listen to Saturn's message - that is especially the person whose Saturn is affected in the connection. It's best if two people's Saturn energies are mutually involved, that can actually become very fruitful over time as it denotes a mutual effort in the connection. Especially if Saturn placements of both parties are involved with each other, it can be very stable and grounded due to mutual Saturn efforts.

If Saturn is involved in an aspect only on one side, usually one party tries to escape the karma of the relationship and doesn't want to learn, which makes the relationship go nowhere even if it lasts years. I had this issue with my ex. My Venus squared their Saturn, which triggered them, and from their perspective they told me they felt constantly annoyed and pushed to grow, which they refused for years out of complacency. Only after our breakup they matured and admitted "oh, this was actually for my own good and I missed out on this growth experience and acted like shit in the process". Their unwillingness to budge from their position was super painful to me as a result too. There is a mutual responsibility with Saturn, but even if only one person's Saturn is involved, this person in particular has to look at that relationship, examine their behaviour and ask themselves "what has this connection taught me? have I learned the right thing from this situation? am I resisting the harsh truth of this connection because I don't want to face myself?". If you don't get straight with Saturn in synastry, it leads to a huge build-up of negativity that eventually crashes down, and the person is forced to learn their lessons the hard way. The state of the relationship should be treated as a mirror as to what it speaks about the Saturn person themselves.

2. North/South Node Rahu/Ketu aspects. If the Nodes of both parties are involved, that becomes extra strong, and often there is a mutual learning, lasting bond. The one sided scenario is more common however from my experience, since I was a kid, I had every single significant friendship with people, whose Rahu aspected one of my personal planets. I have yet to experience my Nodes directly aspecting someone's planet, since I was the "planet" person in all those contacts. It mostly felt as if I was the "giver", and the other person "took" from me in a way, for the purpose of learning and experiencing. It will however depend on the planet. Rahu or Ketu do best with Jupiter, because Jupiter is generous and happy to provide, so it won't get drained or miserable around Rahu's insatiable desire nature or Ketu's particular nit picky perspective, in fact it gets a feeling of higher meaning and mission. These are all extremely fated experiences. There is little to no choice, and it can be emotionally intense, yet thrilling if the aspects are positive. This aspect is not about hard work, it's about surrendering to the experience and being open to Universe's teachings. It is however extremely triggering, since usually these aspects touch on our vulnerabilities.

3. Planets in Ketu ruled Nakshatras. Especially aspecting Venus, Jupiter, Moon, Mars or Sun, depending on gender. Ketu gives disinterest in superficial relationships. Thus, it indicates a soul that wants to experience karmic connections, because its goal is a higher-level soul bond and the spiritual growth that comes with it, regardless of the nature of relationships. For that, check both D1 and D9.

#astrology asks #astrology #saturn #rahu #ketu #north node #south node #nodes #karma #karmic #karmic relationships

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hardskz · 4 years

Text

a penny for your thoughts.

pairing — han jisung x female! reader

genre — trope inversion of the soulmate au, college au, enemies to lovers, angst and fluff-ish, smut; oral, possessiveness kink, praise kink, safe word, size kink, first time

synopsis — life isn’t easy when you belong to the 1% of the world population that has a soulmate, know who your soulmate is and happen to be utterly in love with said soulmate’s best friend. alternatively, jisung can hear all of your unfiltered thoughts and has heard enough of your horny fantasies to the point where he wants to throw up, so he takes matters in his own hands.

note — i think i’m gonna cry this work is my 11k word BABY i’ve never been THIS invested over a fic. this is purely self-indulgent and an emotional rollercoaster ride if you ask me. this fic is all over the place it’s chaotic and i apologize in advance for many italics you are welcome i hope you CRY and SUFFER with me because completing this bitch was a midlife crisis in itself. that being said, i appreciate any form of constructive criticism so pls go ahead and rip my baby apart sdkjl

“You’re staring again,” Hyunjin notes. Seungmin and Jeongin stifle a burst of laughter while Felix, whose head is resting on Hyunjin’s lap, sends you a look that resembles Candace from Phineas and Ferb whenever she finds her brothers creating some whacky futuristic shit, laughs like a madman and then resumes to call her mother with an ear-splitting MOOOM! because she’s so certain that her brothers are busted this time.

“Am not,” you huff as you tear your eyes away from the guy just sitting a little bit farther away from you, basking in the warm glow of the sun. Today he’s sitting in the perfect angle, giving you the best view on his side profile. His signature cap is perched right on top of his head but even then, you can see how his eyes brighten up and how the corners of his lips tug upwards as he laughs at his friend’s joke.

“You’re a worse case than the Mary Sue protagonist of every romance anime ever.” Seungmin snorts before he playfully nudges your side with his shoe. “Just say you want Seo Changbin to bang you and go.”

“Hey! We have a child present!” Hyunjin chastises, to which Jeongin rolls his eyes.

“I’m not a child. We’re all in fucking college.”

“Fine, not a child then. The baby has been corrupted! Don’t swear, it sounds so wrong coming from you!”

“Shut up. It’s called freedom of speech!”

“It’s ‘shut up Hyung’ to you!”

Felix groans in distress and is probably rethinking his life choices. Seriously, what does Felix, resident hopeless romantic, see in Hyunjin? Sure, he’s good-looking and a great friend when he’s not bitching around or hovering over the nearest trash can after taking too many shots. But a romantic? Please, Hyunjin can’t even eat without making a mess out of his shirt.

“I don’t want him to bang me,” you mutter and receive a collective ‘yeah sure’ look. “Fine, I don’t want him to bang me only. He’s nice,” you retort before your eyes flit back to him for a millisecond. By now, Changbin has put his hands on the grass and is leaning back, enjoying the sunlight while listening halfheartedly to the other guy blabbering.

“And hot. We get it. Now get dicked,” Seungmin deadpans, earning flabbergasted looks from everyone and a smack from Hyunjin.

“Show a little more empathy, you dickwad. She’s whipped.”

“Anyway—“ Felix sits up, earning a pout from Hyunjin but he blatantly ignores it, and directs the conversation back to the previous topic before the other two bump heads, “(y/n), you have his number. You’re not strangers, so why don’t you just make a move?”

You glance at him with horror in your eyes. “What do you expect me to do? Ring him up and ask him to hang out with me because I find him cute?”

“Uh, duh? Last time I checked, that’s how you ask someone out.”

“Absolutely not.”

“New idea.” Seungmin butts in. “Why don’t you ask Han Jisung—“

“No.”

“Agreed.” Hyunjin shoots you a nod of approval before Seungmin can start yet another interrogation about your bitter hatred towards Jisung. Jisung, who happens to be said friend of Changbin that is laughing beside him right now. “He must think he’s so much better than us because he’s hanging out with the senior geniuses of the music production major. Then again, Seo Changbin and Bang Chan are on a different level than us commoners.”

“Speaking of Chan,” you quickly say to steer the conversation away from the personification of everything you hate. “Where is he? It’s so weird seeing the trio incomplete.”

This time, Jeongin chimes in. “Haven’t you heard?”

“Heard what?”

“Chan and that one language major — you know, the one who collapsed a while back?” When all he’s met with are clueless faces, Jeongin sighs. “Seriously, you guys should keep up with campus news. I swear, everyone and their mothers already know by now. But anyway, they’re soulmates. It’s also the reason why Chan has been pulled out of the boxing team until the end of the semester and had to cancel their training camp as soon as she broke down.”

Felix does a double-take. “But Chan’s the ace of the boxing club!”

“It is what it is.” Jeongin stretches his legs out, shrugging. “What else is to expect when you have the proximity link and need to be around your soulmate within a certain distance unless you want death?”

“Poor guy. Must be a smack in the face for him, now that he’s got a soulmate and happens to have the worst link one could have.” Seungmin says.

“The tattoos are worse though.” Hyunjin fires back. “I mean, you’re literally born with a tattoo of your soulmate’s name and then grow up knowing that you have one? And even if you never meet them, you won’t have better chances with others if you want some romance. Who in their right mind wants to have a lover who’s got someone else’s name tattooed on them since birth?”

“No one.” You chuckle. “Absolutely no one.”

In another lifetime, another universe, you and Jisung would probably be on better terms. He’s sunshine on legs and looks decent from an objective point of view.

In another lifetime, another universe, you’d like to believe you’re childhood friends and have been neighbors ever since your first shit in your diapers. Perhaps you would be clowned from being inseparable once in a while, but you’d go with it and then shrug it off as if it was nothing.

In another lifetime, another universe, you’d like to believe that being soulmates doesn’t equal the downfall of two people. Sure, the fact that people are bound to each other and the danger of growing too dependent on that person remains, but it probably won’t be so frowned upon. Probably. Hopefully.

However, as much as you want to twist it, another lifetime is not this lifetime, the reality.

In reality, you and Jisung are only neighbors because the universe has some kind of inexplicable hatred towards you. Seriously, you must’ve done something wrong in your previous life to be punished in this one. And because the universe has sadistic tendencies and loves to make you suffer, the laws of the universe are just as equally fucked up.

The concept of soulmates is a lot of things, but most of all, it’s a mystery. There are endless possibilities for soulmate links, not all of them discovered. And unlike popular belief, soulmates do not have to necessarily share the same link. So voilà, even more fuckery from the universe.

There’s only one reason that justifies your wholehearted, unfiltered hatred towards Han Jisung. Well, only one reason that seems justified in this lifetime.

The tattoo is simple; just fine black characters under your collarbone that are nicely hidden under high-cut shirts.

But the fact that it’s his name tattooed on you since birth remains.

“Let me crash here for the night.”

“No.”

“Let me crash here for the night, please.”

“My answer is still no.”

The exasperation is plastered on Jisung’s face as he tries to keep his temper in check. Truth be told, it’s damn satisfying seeing him wanting to rip your head off but refraining to do so. Perhaps you’re enjoying this more than you expected at one o’clock in the morning. For the past five minutes, Jisung has been asking you to let him stay over for the night. You’d save him out of his misery and help a neighbor out who locked himself out of his apartment at this hour — well, if he wasn’t Han Jisung.

By now, he’s growing more impatient with every further rejection. “Oh come on, all my friends live on the other side of town and you can’t expect me to ask the old grandma next door! At this rate, I’m gonna freeze to death overnight!”

“Then go break a window or something,” you deadpan, ignoring the dramatic hand gestures he’s making to accentuate his words.

“The fuck? I’m not going to break into my own place.”

Not wanting to draw out the pointless conversation any longer, you’re about to slam the door shut when he blocks your action with his foot. “C’mon, just this one night. Please.”

He’s not budging anytime soon. His bullheadedness reminds you of Seungmin, who always tries to get Hyunjin wasted whenever you attend those Greek frat parties. Seungmin, who always succeeds in getting Hyunjin wasted, followed by Hyunjin hugging a bucket for the next few hours as he tries to get over the hangover. With a defeated sigh, you gesture Jisung to come inside and don’t wait for him until he’s taken his shoes off at the entryway.

“Look, I know you don’t like me—“

“Well, ‘don’t like’ is putting it very lightly—” you scoff once he’s caught up to you in the living room. It’s not exactly spacious; the couch takes up most of the room and college assignments are spread all over the minuscule coffee table.

“You could at least treat me like a decent human being.”

That statement is enough to get your ears flaming. You whip your head in his direction, voice getting louder. “How can I when your existence is making my life worse than it already is! And I mean it literally! Just seeing your name whenever I look at myself through the mirror sickens me!”

“Stop acting like you’re the only victim here.” Jisung snaps back in the same manner. If there was a little bit of etiquette in the first place, it has all vanished now. “I’m not having it easier when all I hear from you is the dozen ways you want Changbin to fuck you dumb!”

You freeze.

“Cat got your tongue? It’s already bad enough that you have those kinds of thoughts about my best friend every single day.”

“But I thought— y-you had the proximity link?!” This has to be a joke. A very bad one at that. His proximity link is the very sole reason why you lived next to him. His soulmate link is the only reason why you’ve been stuck together like glue since you could walk.

Jisung taps his foot impatiently, running his hand through his hair. “That’s what I thought too until I started hearing things that nobody said around me. First, it was just a few thoughts every other day, but now you’re like an annoying radio that I can’t switch off.”

“Why didn’t you tell me then? I would’ve—“

“Stopped fantasizing about Changbin’s dick? And then you would’ve jumped to the next person. I don’t care if you like him or not, it’s none of my business. Changbin’s hot, anyone with eyes can tell. Besides, it’s not like you have a chance anyway…”

You feel your blood boiling at his underlying message and cross your arms. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jisung doesn’t bat an eyelash and says in a mocking tone as if stating the obvious. “No doubt that Changbin will make you feel good. But could you return the favor?”

That’s a low blow. Even for Jisung, that’s a low blow.

“I get that you’ve got a dirty mind. But those are just fantasies. Could you really execute them just the way you had in your head? You don’t even have experience in the first place.”

“If I sucked you off right now, you wouldn’t even be able to speak properly!” God knows what went over you when you countered. At this point, rage has taken over your brain and you don’t even realize what you just said right away. Not that it matters anyway; all you see is red.

Jisung just raises a brow, clearly unimpressed by your outburst. “Prove it,” he challenges casually and then flops himself onto the couch, legs spread wide. It’s an open invitation. “Go ahead, make me see reason with your oh so mind-blowing skills.”

The only thing you’re able to do physically is gape at him. He is joking, right? As if he actually means it—

“I knew it. Shameless in your head but too flustered to say it out loud, let alone following up with your bold statements.”

That seals the deal. You’re fuelled by anger and the desire to prove him wrong as you drop on your knees and are on eye level with his crotch. However, your spirit dissolves the longer you silently stare and realize that you have no fucking clue on what to do. Jisung is painfully aware of that too.

“I’m more terrified than turned on seeing your angry face.” He lets out an exasperated sigh before he pulls you up and directs you to sit on his lap. “Obviously it’s not working when neither of us is in the mood. You gotta get in the mood first,” he mutters, hands settling on your hips.

The look in his eyes is more composed now, but you can tell he’s being observant. As if you have clues written all over your face, he keeps you under his stern gaze. Then his eyes droop lower to your lips and he slowly leans forward.

Not even a second later, you firmly plant your hands on his shoulder and push him back. “No lips.”

If Jisung is judgemental about your sudden stunt, he doesn’t comment on it. “Anything else, your royal majesty?”

You’re too tired to react to his mockery and roll your eyes. “No marks.”

“I can work with that,” he mumbles more to himself rather to you. Then he leans forward again and buries his face in the crook of your neck. Surprised by his actions and new to the unfamiliar sensation, you tense up. Jisung seems to take notice of that too.

“Relax,” he orders, rubbing circles on your hips to help you loosen up.

Well, that’s easier said than done. It’s already bad enough that you’re gradually exposing yourself as the complete amateur you are, and out of all people who could’ve been the first to do any form of sexual advances on you, it just had to be Jisung. Perhaps you shouldn’t have rejected that one kid in high school who was the only one who ever had a crush on you. Even if that kid wasn’t your type and not a serious commitment anyway, maybe you would’ve at least some sort of experience with dick.

“A-ah—“ your breath hitches when he nips on the patch below your earlobe. He smiles against your skin as if he just made some scientific discovery and swipes his tongue on the same spot, eager to make you squirm. Not wanting to slip up anymore, you clamp your mouth shut with a hand.

“Let me hear you, baby. Just relax, I got you.” When the fuck did his voice start to sound lower and raspier? Where did ‘baby’ come from? All rationality and resistance leave your body when he wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him.

The cologne of musk lingers strong on him, almost intoxicating even, and you can’t form a cohesive thought anymore. The only things you are painfully aware of are an arm forcing your chest flush against his and his hot breath all over your neck.

You’re so far gone that you fail to notice that you’ve started grinding on his lap. Jisung moans softly into your neck as he encourages you to move with his hands.

“On your knees, baby,” he whispers after a while. A rush of disappointment runs through your veins once he detaches his lips from you and slides you off his lap, but all of that is forgotten once you see the prominent bulge in his pants.

Right. There’s a reason why you ended up in this predicament in the first place.

Jisung urges you to touch him with a simple nudge. “C’mon, baby. Take it off.”

You don’t waste time discarding his sweatpants. Just when you’re about to tug his underwear off, you notice the wet patch on the fabric. A surge of mischief washes over you as you boldly cupped his hard-on over his boxers, causing an obscenely loud moan from him.

He flinches, definitely not expecting that brashness from you, and throws his head back. “S-stop teasing me already and take that goddamn thing off or God help me what I’m going to do if you push my buttons.”

That. That was a threat. That dealt much more damage to you than you like to admit.

As much as you want to watch him break and see if he’d make his threats come true, you decide against your feelings and hook your fingers under the waistband and tug the fabric down in one swift motion. A groan leaves Jisung as his cock, fully hard and leaking precum, is exposed to the cold air. He’s certainly above average; on the longer side probably, and you’re conflicted on whether to think fuck, I want him in my mouth right now or fuck, how on earth is that supposed to fit into my mouth?!

You don’t get far with your inner conflict when a hand grabs a fistful of your hair and slowly urges you closer. The next thing you know, something is tapping your lips and before you fully register it, the tip of Jisung’s cock lies heavy on your tongue.

You carefully look up and meet Jisung’s hooded eyes. His shirt has ridden up a bit and flashes just a little bit of his toned stomach. That’s just enough of an indicator to see that Jisung is holding himself back, in case his irregular breathing hasn’t been a dead giveaway.

Jisung opens his mouth, about to say something, when you give an experimental suck on his dick. “Do something— f-fuck, a little more, baby.”

That’s enough to build your confidence up. You slowly take in more of his dick, sucking carefully and making sure to cover your teeth. The rest that doesn’t fit in your mouth is barely covered with your hands, and you messily try to coordinate your hands, switching between rubbing the base of his dick to cupping his balls.

“Mmh, use more pressure,” Jisung whispers, not trusting the stability of his voice when you fondle with his balls. A groan leaves him when you suck harder on his cock and switch back to swirling your tongue around. For a total beginner, you are holding yourself up better than he expected. Fuck.

“Focus on the tip fir— hhh- aa-ah...” His brain blacks out for a moment when you swirl your tongue around his tip and dare an experimental hum, the vibrations going straight down to his dick. The grip on your hair loosens, but it’s still firm enough to experience a sharp tug. “You’re doing good baby. So good.”

The combination of his sounds, the decent taste of precum on your tongue and the way his adam’s apple bops is enough to send you into sensory overload. You notice the way Jisung tenses his thighs, as to keep them still. You’re about to pull out completely to prevent your drool from getting on your face. However, before you get the chance to complain, he forces his length back on you that it grazes the back of your throat, nearly making you choke.

“Fuck, I— I’m gonna— s-soon—“ he hisses and you take it as a sign to speed up. At this point, your jaw hurts and a mixture of drool and precum drips down your chin. It’s borderline disgusting if you think about it, but the delectable sounds leaving Jisung compensates for it.

He sharply tugs on your hair, ordering you to pull off, but you slap his hand away. “I’m going to spill in your mouth if you don’t pull off right now—“ Jisung chokes on his words when you interrupt him with a hum as if to say so what? It doesn’t help that you’re looking up at him with teary eyes and a lot of conviction, even though you’re visibly struggling to keep half of his dick in your mouth.

When he cums, it’s accompanied but drawn out moans, and you forcing yourself to swallow the horrible texture. It’s not horrible per se, but you’d gladly refuse to swallow a second time if you were given the choice.

Jisung looks down at you with flushed cheeks and is about to wipe off the drool or cum or whatever liquid is staining your bottom lip, but you quickly block his hand. “I’ll clean up by myself.”

For a minuscule second, he looks defeated; he looks borderline disappointed, but before you can pinpoint his feelings for sure, his expression changes. “But what about you?” he asks, eyes raking down your body and stopping at the waistband of your pants.

“I’ll deal with it on my own.” You shrug, avoiding his eyes. All of sudden, you find it hard to breathe in the room as the realization settles into your brain. You just sucked off Jisung. Jisung, out of all fucking people.

“You sure?” Your eyes flit to him who looks like he’s been observing you the entire time. His breathing has calmed down, his lips look a little bit plumper than before and his hair sticks out in all different directions. Looking at his current state makes you feel sick, and your undying hatred for him starts growing again. It’s your fault that he looks so fucked out and—

Why the fuck did you even do that?

“Yes. Now stop asking before I change my mind and kick you out.”

Before he can have the last word, you turn on your heels and rush into your bedroom, ignoring the fact that your underwear is practically drenched.

You wake up to the smell of pancakes emerging from the kitchen. “What are you doing?”

“I’m making breakfast?” Jisung throws you a questioning look and then plates the last batch of pancakes from the pan. “It’s the least I can do after you were friendly enough to let me crash on the couch.”

Your eyes wander to the countertop to the two plates stacked with pancakes. Jisung finishes up the second plate and hands it out to you.

You stare dumbly at the plate. It’s too early for your brain to mouth filter to work, so the first thing you spit out is, “How do I know you didn’t poison it?”

“Are you fucking serious—“ Jisung squeezes his eyes shut, mutters something inaudible under his breath before he puts on the fakest smile he can muster. “I can take a bite if you really insist.”

“Give me that plate.” You point to the other plate on the counter. Presentation-wise, it looks the same as the one Jisung is offering you, minus the visible steam.

“There. Wanna switch again or can I finally eat?” he scoffs when you walk past him to get cutlery and sit at the dining table; it’s essentially a round wooden table where one of the legs is about to break. Two plates and a pitcher at most take up the entire surface. You really should consider buying a new table, but you have better things to spend on rather than that.

From your peripheral vision, you see Jisung rolling his eyes. Perhaps you were making an entire unnecessary circus, critically cutting through the pancake and inspecting each and every side before stuffing it in your mouth. But again, in your defense, it’s too early in the morning to show basic etiquette towards him out of all people.

You have to admit that visually, the pancakes look good. What you didn’t expect were the pancakes to taste just how they look. It looks like you couldn’t contain your surprise in you, judging by the amused smirk that finds its way onto Jisung’s face as he claims the chair across from you.

“As if you could actually cook,” you splutter because there’s no fucking way you are giving him that satisfaction of the day.

However, it seems to bemuse him even more. “You literally eat this every day and know the recipe by heart. With the excessive number of times you recite the ingredients a day, obviously, something got stuck in my brain,” he explains while cutting through his own portion.

The rest of breakfast is spent in silence. You both finish at the same time and while you’re washing the dishes, he’s stayed put in the chair, mindlessly checking something on his phone.

“You didn’t have to cook, you know. You could’ve just left.” you start. It’s already awkward enough that he’s still here. Bloody hell, you should’ve just waited with the plates and ushered him out of your place instead of just getting away as fast as possible from the table. Now that you think about it, this was probably the only time you two were somewhat amicable at such proximity. (Even if you didn’t talk at all. Still, it’s progress.)

He drops his phone on the table with a soft ‘bang’. “It’s the least I could do. Besides, I was starving too.”

“In other words, you’re taking advantage of my fridge?”

“Exactly.”

Just as you’re drying your hands, he’s about to leave. “I’ll get going, lecture’s starting in a few. And, uh, thanks for letting me stay here.”

You just shoot him a weird look. “You already thanked me once. How often do you wanna repeat yourself?”

Jisung rolls his eyes. “Fine, next time I’ll just leave without a word then.”

It’s when he’s finally out of the door that his last words sink in.

“Yo, I have pics of sweaty Changbin in a jersey. How much do you wanna pay for those gems?”

You nearly choke on air. “What the fuck?” Really, that’s the only appropriate reaction.

“Hyunjin, this needs more context.” Felix looks like he’s seriously second-guessing his taste in men before shaking it off with a sigh and elaborates. “He’s been trying to find out some scoop about Chan for the campus blog and caught him in his angry boxer mode and Changbin was also there assisting him. Hey, did you know that Chan doesn’t tape his hands before punching the bag? Fuck, that’s so intimidating but so hot at the same time—“

“Yah! I’m your boyfriend! How can you say that in front of me?!”

Changbin. Changbin in a jersey. Changbin in a jersey and drenched in sweat. And Hyunjin seriously has HQ pictures of that Changbin.

It really, absolutely shouldn’t have been the first thing that crossed your mind, but the idea of that Changbin — bonus if he still has anger pent up in him — barging into your place and instantly throwing you on the bed—

“I’m not a perverted creep who’s gonna buy pictures of him that he doesn’t even know exist. Besides, isn’t that a violation of his rights? He never consented to those pics. This is college, you’re only working for the campus blog, not fucking Dispatch.” you deadpan.

“So you don’t even want to take a sneak peek at a picture?”

“No.”

You barely stepped a foot into your apartment when Jisung storms out of his own place and stops in front of you. “You fucking liar.”

“Excuse me? What the— hmph!”

The next thing you know, Jisung forces his way into your hallway, slams the door shut and crowds you against it. His face is invading your personal space, eyes enraged and jaw locked. Even though his anger is far from justified as you haven’t glanced at him ever since he stayed over, a tiny part of you believes that you pissed him off for good. It's not the first time you witness him angry. However, it's the first time you witness him look as if someone murdered his family and was trying to get revenge.

“I thought you took care of it yourself!”

“Took care of what?”

“Did you already forget that I can read your mind?!”

You scrunch your nose, trying to connect the dots in his words. It doesn't take long for you to realize that there’s no point in trying. A frustrated groan leaves you. “Why are you getting so riled up? I just breathed and you stormed into my place!”

“‘Bullshit. You weren’t just breathing,” he snaps, and you flinch when his hand lands a few inches beside your face with a loud pang. “You were thinking of Changbin again! And I mean that in the thousand sex positions and locations you want him to bang you kind of thinking! And also—“

“Also what?”

“I know you’ve been pent up for days. Seriously, why don’t you just get off like every other sane human being?”

His brutal delivery leaves you flabbergasted. How the fuck does he know that? No. No. No. He doesn’t know. He can’t. Just because he can read your mind doesn’t mean that you didn’t pleasure yourself after giving him that blowjob. Jisung’s probably bluffing — he has to be bluffing.

“W-why should I answer you?” you stutter. Suddenly the walls look much more interesting. When was the last time you painted the walls? Maybe it’s time to switch things up—

“Are you really about to get all cocky with me? Give me a break.” Jisung chews on his bottom lip after little deliberation. “You wanna know why? Because one of my best friends is going through a hard time that can utterly destroy his entire future thanks to the fucking universe! If that isn’t stressful as it is, I also see and hear all kinds of things you want Changbin to do to you. And your fantasies are also affecting me.”

You stare at him as if he sprouted eight new legs. “So you’ve also been…?”

“Sexually frustrated? Fuck yes. And it’s all your fault. So take responsibility and do something against it before I do.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“So what if I am?”

A cold shiver runs down your spine once you meet his stone-cold gaze. Frustration is displayed all over his features, from his labored breaths to the raised brow. He’s not playing mind games this time, he’s actually frustrated.

There are a billion red flags, a billion blinking signs saying NO DON’T YOU EVEN THINK OF DOING THIS! DON’T BE A FUCKING IDIOT in your mind. There are so many countless reasons why you should listen to your head, but the way Jisung is lusting after you is terrifyingly attractive.

You don’t trust your voice to respond verbally. Instead, you look down at your trembling hand and tug at the hem of his shirt. It’s just then when you also realize that your thighs are clenched. Fuck.

Jisung takes the hint. In the blink of an eye, he’s yanking you to your room, kicks the door shut with a loud ‘thud’, and manhandles you on the bed. You’re too stunned to react, and gulp when he hovers over you and strips off his jacket, leaving him in a white shirt that doesn’t hide his toned arms.

“Use the color system, alright? Green when everything is alright, yellow when you want me to slow down, and red when you want me to stop for good?” he asks.

“I know what the color system is,” you mutter, tearing your eyes away from him.

“That’s not an answer to my question.” he presses.

“Fine, color system it is. There! Happy? Now get on with it—“

Jisung pins your wrists above your head vigorously. “You don’t call the shots here. I do.”

Your stomach swoops. You really should’ve listened to your brain. This Jisung isn’t comparable with the Jisung you sucked off a few days ago. That Jisung was cocky — he’s always cocky, what are you even saying — but he still gave you room to breathe. This Jisung is downright scary.

“Good thing for you, I know exactly what you want me to do—” he starts sinisterly as his thigh settles firmly between your legs, pressing up against your clothed core. You suddenly regret wearing a skirt. “—and trust me baby, even if I couldn’t read your mind, I would do all those things because that’s what I plan on doing to you regardless.”

The look he gives you should be illegal. He shouldn’t be in the position to look down at you, as if he’s the king and has free reign over the consequences you are about to bear. Your head suddenly feels dizzy, and it’s way too hot in the room. It’s as if your bedroom has morphed into some vacuum as you’re desperately trying to breathe. Your system ceases to function once he presses his thigh even harder on your cunt, and all you manage to make is a pathetic whimper.

A menacing grin makes its way to his face. He’s clearly thriving on this ego-boost and continues to grind his thigh on you until your hips start to sway along. It seems like you found your voice again once he leans down and nibbles on your neck. Your moans are barely audible at first, but they slowly turn into drawn out mewls and labored breaths.

Your eyes snap open when he suddenly retreats his thigh and holds your hip in a vice grip, stopping you from moving. “W-what the fuck? Why did you stop?”

“Tell me what you want me to do.”

“Huh?” You squint at him. “But you can read my mind!”

“I want you to say it out loud.”

There’s no way in the universe that you’ll do that. You’ll gladly wipe off that shit-eating grin out of his face whether he likes it or not, but with his hold on your wrists, that is deemed impossible.

You should say something out loud though. Yellow. That would save you from the humiliation. You could regain at least an ounce of control, not feel so pathetic anymore. It’s a simple word, just two syllables, six letters. The tables can be turned to your advantage. It’s easy.

You don’t.

“You’re embarrassed, aren’t you? You can’t say all those filthy thoughts in your head out loud because you’re ashamed, huh? Not when you love feeling so powerless, subject to anything I do to you. Face it baby, just admit that you’re a needy little bitch who wants to get off on my fingers so bad, and I’ll give you what you want,” Jisung growls in between hot, wet kisses he leaves on your neck.

“I—“ you whimper after some difficulties, “I’m your needy little bitch w-who wants to get off on your fingers.”

Jisung’s head pipes up, his face just hovering a couple of inches away from yours. With that little distance between you, you know it’s not a trick of the light and that his eyes are blown up with hunger, hunger, and more hunger. "Not just any bitch, but mine? Do you like it when I call you mine?"

You nod. From there on, it’s a chain reaction.

He wastes no time slipping his fingers past your panties, mindlessly trailing along your folds. You throw your head back in pleasure, bucking your hips into his touch. A cry leaves you the moment he slips a finger inside you, his thumb simultaneously flicking your clit. It’s sensory overload, rendering your rationality to a standstill.

Your utter downfall is marked once Jisung adds a second finger, never slowing down. He groans at the way you clench around him like a maniac, and the sounds he makes send jolts all over your body. You’re writhing under his grasp at this point, overstimulated by everything yet at the same time, you feel your arousal slowly fading.

“Does my baby feel good? Are you close?” Jisung asks, nipping on your earlobe.

“I don’t know,” you whisper.

“What do you mean, ‘you don’t know’?”

The pit in your stomach grows. You’ve never experienced claustrophobia, but right now, it’s like everything’s suffocating you. “A-as in I don’t fucking know!” you exclaim shakily.

Jisung stops his movements. The weight on your wrists is lifted, and he looks at you, face unreadable. “(y/n), color. What’s your color?”

“Green. It’s just...” your trail off, avoiding his eyes.

“Just...?”

“I’ve never come before,” you confess in defeat. You really can’t believe that Jisung out of all people is the one to make the call of judgment. “I mean it! I’ve tried getting myself off but I never managed to... so cut me some fucking slack because I’m trying my best here and am still new to everything!”

Jisung stays silent. He stares at you in… confusion? disbelief? You really have no clue how to read his expression. Something negative for sure, though. He’s Satan’s spawn, for fuck’s sake. He’s probably thinking twice about going down on you, thinking about the gravity of a mistake he’s dealing with this time. He just has no clue how to articulate his irritation—

“You’re so cute, fucking hell,” he whispers.

You do a double-take. What? What did he say?

A small chuckle escapes his lips. As if he doesn’t mind. Wait. He doesn’t mind. “I’ll take good care of you. Trust me on this,” he says.

“That’s a little late coming from you, your fingers are literally up my vagi— h-ha-aah—“

“Just shut up and let me do the work.” Jisung rolls his eyes as he works you up again, fingers moving at a slower pace this time. Within minutes, he’s reduced you into a panting, stuttering mess. “You look so tiny and helpless underneath me. How adorable,” he coos, to which you just whine.

“Yeah? You like it when I call you tiny? Like it when your tight cunt already feels stuffed with just two fingers? Maybe we should stretch it to a third one, think you can handle that?” he presses on. That’s when he rams his fingers into a particular spot, making you arch your back. A knowing smile makes its way onto his lips. “Found it.”

“N-no, fuck— t-too much—” you babble, but he continues to abuse your sweet spot without remorse.

An unfamiliar pressure builds up in your abdomen, threatening to burst. Your whines grow louder, breaths shallower. You squeeze your eyes shut as you thrust your hips into his hand, desperate for more friction. “Jisung, I think I’m gonna—”

“Oh no, not like this,” he growls. “Keep your eyes open. I want you to look at me when you cum. So you’ll remember that it was me who made you cum for the first time. It’s me who’s making you feel good.”

That is easier said than done. You manage to open your eyes, though with a lot of difficulties. Scratch that, your eyes are barely open. Jisung is a blurry image, and you’re unable to register everything he says, the sound of his fingers squelching in your heat blaring in your ears.

You deem it fucking impossible to keep your eyes open when your orgasm hits you hard, body spasming from the sensation. But you keep on trying, keep forcing to set your eyes on him.

It’s all worth it though when the reward you get is a proud smile on his face, as well as streams of praises coming from his mouth.

It’s a continuous pattern that goes as follows:

1. You spend your days glued to your friends.

2. At least one of them (usually, it’s Seungmin) preaches how you should get your shit together and ask Changbin out.

3. Somehow, Changbin manages to leave a strong presence in your fantasies and you end up daydreaming about a scenario that stars him, you and a bed (if you’re feeling more daring, any other kind of surface or object he could pound you into.)

4. Jisung notices and forces the horniness out of your system.

5. You tell yourself that it’s the last time Jisung has such control over you.

And then the cycle repeats.

But here’s the thing: you find yourself doing no. 5 you with less conviction the more it happens. No. 5 is a formality at this point. You don’t know when you went the wrong path, but are you really in a position to complain? Jisung is good with you, he’s good with his fingers, even better with his mouth.

But then there’s this side of Jisung after he’s ruined you. He knows what you want to eat after you’re all cleaned up, knows what show you want to watch, knows if you want to just drop dead in bed or need someone to force you to finish your uni assignments. In short: Jisung is good. If you ever said that out loud and someone caught wind of it, they might assume that you liked him.

But Changbin. You like Changbin. You like Changbin you like Changbin you like Changbin—

You like Changbin, right?

“You’ve been looking at me as if I had the word CLOWN written over my forehead. Do I have something on my face or what?” you cross your arms and are met with your friends quickly averting their eyes from you.

Felix is the first one to break the silence. “Is that a new dress?”

“Not really. I recently found it when I cleared out my closet and decided to give it one more try. Why—“ you pause, and your expression turns grim once it dawns on you. “I look ridiculous in this, don’t I?”

“Yeah.”

“No!”

“You look like a clown.”

“Seungmin-Hyung, did you really just???”

If your crippling self-esteem hadn’t reached its all-time low before, then it definitely did now. “Geez, thanks,” you deadpan.

Jeongin is panicking, trying to provide some damage control as Felix snaps at Hyunjin and Seungmin. “Nobody cares about your two cents!”

“Well, but she asked for our opinion!”

“Nobody cares about your honest two cents!”

“Let’s just have lunch at the burger place and talk about this later, Hyung!”

You’re still dazed, chuckling dryly like those cartoon characters usually do when their soul leaves their body after someone dragged them. The entire situation is downright sad to witness. Is this a sign that your period is coming soon? That’s it! That probably explains why you’re acting so uncharacteristically sensitive today—

“The dress suits you, (y/n). You should wear it more often,” Changbin says.

“Hah?” you flinch and you’re sure your soul actually left your body when you turn to face Changbin smiling genuinely at you. Out of your periphery, you see Jisung and Chan behind him, but that’s not the point.

What? The? Fuck? Did he really just? Did Changbin just… compliment you?

You don’t realize how long you’ve dumbly stared at him until Jeongin nudges you. “Uhhhh, thanks!” you squeak out, cringing at how your voice just went up by an octave. You can feel Jeongin facepalming internally at your response, but you don’t blame him; you’d most likely do the same.

Changbin just smiles before he turns away to get to his next class, tugging Jisung and Chan with him.

Nevermind. Wearing this dress was the best decision you’ve made in your entire college career. The way you suddenly beam almost gives Felix whiplash — it’s obvious in the way he stares at you as if he ended up watching a comedy instead of the melodrama he was expecting. Hyunjin seems just as flabberghasted, Jeongin is still cringing from the secondhand embarrassment, and Seungmin just grins.

“Ah, so lover boy is the reason, I see.”

You roll your eyes at him. “Oh my god, just shut up, Seungmin.”

Jisung is eating you out with such fervor that has you sobbing and thrashing around. He’s merciless in every literal sense, keeping your hips planted on the couch with his hands to the point where veins are bulging out, and lapping up your juices with his tongue, continuing even though you already came. He only pulls away, lips glistening in your release, once you tug on his hair despite his orders to not do that.

“Already spent now? But baby, we just started.” he pouts. “Or is it because it’s me? Would you defy if Changbin was the one eating you out?”

You stare at him with blown out eyes. Why the fuck is he bringing up Changbin now? The words hang heavy in your throat and are threatening to burst, but the death stare he delivers stops you from doing so.

Something’s not right.

“Don’t tell me... you’re wet again because I just mentioned Changbin. Changbin this, Changbin that, huh? It’s always only Changbin, Changbin, Changbin. And I thought I was doing you good all along,” he rages, making you flinch. He can be terrifying when he wants to be, but this time, he seems completely out of it. “You know what? I’m fucking done with holding back. You’re mine, got it?”

With that, he dives back into your cunt, sucking harshly on your clit as he slides a finger in you. You try to pry him off, but his weight is restraining you to the sofa.

“Jisung, it hurts— ouch—“ Panic starts to rise in you when he finally detaches himself from your nub, but instead, moves down to your thighs and starts sucking on the skin with a force much harder than you’re used from him. “What are you doing? S-stop—!”

“You’re mine, you’re supposed to be mine. I am literally written on your skin. So why can’t you just wish to be with me? Do I have to mark you up so that you’ll finally get it?”

It hurts. It hurts. Once you feel teeth on your skin, you burst into tears. “Red, Jisung, red!”

As if it was the spell to break the cast, Jisung finally snaps out of it. His features break once his eyes meet yours. Regret sticks onto him like a second skin, and he slightly moves his hand in an attempt to reach out to you. Your muscles react faster though, and you instinctively pull your legs towards yourself and shy away from him. The way his face drops by another layer of remorse tugs at your heartstrings, but the impending fear overpowers everything else you’re feeling.

“What’s going on? What went over you?” you ask.

Jisung’s breath is shaky. He feverishly opens his mouth several times, but no sound is coming out. He’s struggling to find the right words, maybe trying to find a somewhat reasonable justification for his behavior. In the end, he lets out a defeated sigh. “I can’t do this anymore without having feelings—” his voice is weak and vulnerable and you’ve never witnessed him break down like this before, “—I like you. I like you the way you like Changbin. I just...”

Silence.

“Leave,” you whisper, but in this silence, your voice rings out loud and clear. This is… too much weight for your heart to carry.

Jisung complies. He grabs his belongings from the floor, slips on his shirt, and leaves with his head hung low. His footsteps grow more and more distant, but then he stops.

“Are you really in love with Changbin?” His voice cracks.

You don’t muster up the courage to face him. “Just read my mind.”

It’s silent again. Too overwhelming. You’re waiting for yet another outburst of him, waiting for his “I want you to say it out loud”, because that’s how the conversation always goes.

The last thing you hear is the front door falling in its lock with a soft click.

You like Changbin. You like Changbin you like Changbin you like Changbin you like—

You like him, right?

Things have changed.

You and Jisung haven’t crossed paths ever since, not even passed each other by in the hallways. It’s weird since you’ve grown used to seeing him every day outside of your apartment complex. You’ve never really acknowledged each other’s presence with a wave or something in the sorts; it was just a second where your eyes met, and then your days went on.

That being said, you run into Changbin quite frequently. If you ever exchanged words, it’s nothing more than friendly small talk and the one or other compliment about his music. Talking to Changbin is nice; he makes you smile.

You know a little bit more about Changbin now, like his favorite ice cream flavor or the fact that he has a pokemon plushie named Gyu. It’s cute, and you chuckle when you think about how you’d pay good money for that information a few weeks ago.

Changbin is nice, and there’s nothing more to the story.

The chaotic quartett you call your friends however, doesn’t seem to buy it. They are loud and nosey and have eyes, so it was set in stone that they’d tease you about it sooner or later. It’s all fun and games, and you played along with it at first, because that’s how you guys are. But as time went on, when the banter became so repetitive and blown out of proportion to the point where they have made clowning you about your small interactions with Changbin the pinnacle of their entertainment, you’ve begun to be fed up by it.

“Will you finally stop bringing him up in an indecent manner every single lunch break? Or even better, stop bringing him up altogether?” You snap, which shocks everyone at the table because you never snap.

Nobody has time to react as you quickly stomp away to grab some fresh air. You mutter out every curse under the sun, not intending to let your anger take over you this much. You’ve only made it past the door when Felix catches up to you, placing a hand over your shoulder.

“(y/n), what’s the matter? Clearly, something’s bothering you. And I know it’s not because of just Seungmin.” Concern is woven in his smooth voice.

You have to admit, it was a smart and calculated move from your friends to send Felix your way. He’s always been the compassionate one out of your little friend group. Like a pillar, he’s the one who keeps you all grounded (and he’s the one to drive your asses back home after the wild Alpha Beta Gamma frat parties).

“I don’t like Changbin that way, I realized. So it’d be very much appreciated if you asses didn’t allude to that every time,” you huff.

Felix sends you an understanding smile. “We can work that out. You know that Hyunjin and Seungmin in particular can be insensitive and sometimes don’t realize they’ve taken things too far..”

“Fine, but that’s not the main thing that’s eating me up alive, Felix.” you sigh. The words seem to flow out of your mouth like a waterfall. “I’ve realized I’ve never really liked Changbin. Okay, fine, he was just a crush I had but I don’t like him.”

He nods slowly, his brain processing your ramble. “So you like someone else.”

“Yes. And I don’t know how to fix it because we got into a huge fight.”

“Talk to them. That’s the only thing left to do.” His response is immediate, and he says it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Every relationship has its ups and downs, and if you want to be committed, you have to fight for it. If you were made for one another, you’ll make it.”

The last part makes you laugh internally. If only he knew.

“Let me guess, you expect me to barge into his place to sort things out,” you say.

Felix gives you the look of judgment. “I mean, you could also show some human decency and text him in advance so he’s also prepared. But that works fine too.”

Come to think of it, you’ve never been to Jisung’s apartment. That’s about to change when you knock on his door sometime in the evening, shortly after sunset.

Jisung’s face immediately drops once he opens the door. “What are you doing here?” His voice is soft, drenched in regret.

It’s not that his appearance has reached rock bottom. He still takes good care of himself; however, you pick up the dark circles under his eyes and his complexion seems a little paler. Not sickeningly pale, but in a sense that he hasn’t seen the light of day for a few consecutive days.

You shift your weight on one leg and fiddle with your fingers. “Can we talk?”

Jisung gulps. “Yeah, sure,” he mumbles after a moment of hesitation before inviting you in.

“I’ve thought a long time about this. Everything, really,” you start awkwardly as soon as you’re both standing stiffly in his living room. “I, um…”

You cringe inwardly as your voice trails off. Truth be told, you’ve rehearsed what you wanted to say many times a few hours ago. Even wrote down the entire speech. Then threw the draft away, only to compose a new one. And then again and again and again. After what felt like an eternity, you had polished your final speech and memorized it from top to bottom, even making sure that your flow sounded natural. But now that this is the real deal, your mind goes blank. Of course, of fucking course, your illiterate brain had to give up on you in the situation that mattered the most.

Jisung purses his lips. “Do you want something to drink first? No need to rush—”

“I don’t like Changbin!” you blurt out. Jisung stares at you in confusion. “I mean, I used to like Changbin — I still do, he’s a nice guy! Don’t get me wrong — but that’s all he is. He’s… nice. I like him, as a friendly guy. I had a crush on him, but now it’s just, uh, like. Platonic! Yeah, platonic.”

Despite him nodding slowly, you know that he is still lost. You would be too if you were on the receiving end of this painfully clumsy delivery.

You give yourself a mental slap as you take a deep breath. It can’t get any worse than this. Definitely impossible. You’ve already proven to him how bad your public speaking skills are. Might as well get over it with the bluntest words. “I miss you. And not because of the sexual things we did, but everything else. I miss you coming over, miss the movie night, and all that. I miss you, Jisung.”

He stares at you silently. Your eyes search his face for any sign of emotion, and for one too many times, Jisung is impossible to read. Okay, perhaps you did manage to tell him what you wanted to tell him even worse than whatever the fuck your initial attempt was.

But then his blank armor cracks. Little by little, his eyes soften, disbelief and remorse on display for you to see. Jisung is looking at you as if his world has fallen apart even more. He’s looking at you as if he’s clinging to the last threads of reason, trying to make sense of the situation. He’s looking at you with eyes that could hold stars behind them, stars that were supposed to burn out yet shine brighter than the universe.

“How can you say that? I hurt you. I made you cry! I was being a selfish asshole who put out his anger on you!” he exclaims, voice breaking towards the end. Pain clouds his red eyes, and he’s fighting to keep the tears at bay.

You slowly prod closer to him, testing the waters. He doesn’t react once, not even when you stand directly in front of him. Not even when you gently place your hands on a shoulder each. Not until you say, “It’s alright. I’m alright. No hard feelings.”

That’s his breaking point. Tears stream down his face, while quiet hiccups jump out of his throat. “How can you be so nice to me?” His sobs are muffled as he eases into your touch, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. Instinctively, he wraps his arms around your waist, clinging onto you as if you’re his lifeline.

The answer is simple, you say to yourself, as you thread a hand in his hair. “We’re soulmates.”

The weight of the words hangs in the air, shattering the previous tension and all the worries in your heart. It’s liberating, finally being able to say it out loud without feeling like an abnormality for saying those words with happiness. You’re soulmates. You’re soulmates, and that’s okay.

Jisung’s sobs resound throughout the room, and so do his countless, tiny yeah, we are’s. You need a moment before you register the wetness on your face. It feels like an eternity standing in his warm embrace, even after there are no more tears left to cry.

“Can I kiss you?” Your voice is quiet, barely above a whisper, but Jisung catches it. two fingers gently lift your chin so that you’re facing him. You almost melt when your eyes meet, his gaze filled with adoration that makes you want to burst at the seams.

“Yeah. I’d love that.” Jisung smiles.

It costs you your willpower to tear your eyes away from him before they flutter down to his lips. Despite his bottom lip being a little cracked, they look inviting and you wonder what they taste like. You expect him to nudge you, expect him to tell you to hurry up and do something because you’re pretty sure you’re staring at his lips for far too long.

He doesn’t. The grip on your chin is loose as if to tell you to take your time and go at your own pace. But the longer you wait, the more reluctance builds up. It’s a lot of power he’s given you; hell, it’s the first time he hands the reigns to you.

“Can you… uhm… I’ve never done this before, so yeah…” you look at him with a crooked smile.

The breathless chuckle that leaves him sounds like music to your ears. Jisung moves his hand to the back of your neck before closing the distance between you.

The kiss is short and sweet, but that alone suffices to make the butterflies in your stomach burst. The faint taste of coke lingers on him, and before you know it, you’re kissing again. Jisung’s lips are like an addiction, reeling you back in for another one. Somewhere along the way, the kisses change. Innocent presses of lips are long forgotten, replaced by teeth playfully tugging on your bottom lip, and Jisung kissing you deeper to the point where he steals all oxygen out of your lungs.

Your hands slide down his chest, tugging on his shirt. Startled by your bold actions, he pulls away, but you catch him back into another liplock that leaves the two of you breathless. All you can think of clearly is Jisung Jisung Jisung—

This time he forces himself away from you. Gasping for air, he places his forehead on yours. “If we go farther than this, then I don’t know if I can control myself.” His warning is barely above a whisper.

“Then don’t,” you whisper back.

That’s all the reassurance he needs before leading you to his bedroom, all the whilst latching onto your lips once more. He doesn’t let go of you until your back hits the soft mattress and he’s on top of you. Warm, slightly calloused hands trail from your cheeks to the hem of your shirt.

“Color?”

“Green,” you respond, smiling up at him. The sun has long vanished at the horizon, replaced by the dim moon and stars. Despite only a little light surging past the blinds into the room, you can see Jisung’s features crystal clear. The endearing smile is cast into the back of your mind, so is the delicacy in his touch, fingertips lightly grazing your skin as he sheds all your clothes off until you’re left in your underwear. After hearing your complaints, he discards his own clothes with an amused glint in his eyes.

Jisung takes his time pounding every single detail of your features into his memory. His hands roam all over your body, inciting goosebumps. You lean into his touch with a sigh and flit your gaze to him once he stops on a particular spot.

The look on his face is unreadable, but the hesitation in his voice speaks for itself. “Does this bug you?” he asks, uncertainty laced in it as he runs his finger over each character of his name that’s inked under your collarbone. You shake your head with a hum that turns into a soft moan once he leaves kisses on the spots his finger burned before, one for each letter. Eventually, his actions spiral out to sucking lovebites and rutting his bulge against your heat, enticing louder whines out of you. Your vision morphs into blurriness as you move your hips in sync with his, locking your arms around his neck to pull him even closer to you.

“(y/n), baby…” Jisung heaves for air, “Is it okay if I…?.”

“Please,” you mewl, “want you inside me.” Your desperation must’ve shone through your tone, as Jisung presses a loving kiss on your forehead before he reaches over to the nightstand for a condom, grinning like a lovesick idiot.

In books and movies, this is the part where the virgin would reach peak nervousness. Too many fears would be inhabiting their mind; the fear of pain, fear of not fulfilling their partner’s needs, fear of the entire situation, essentially. Whatever they depict in those books and movies, it doesn’t match up with the warmth and want pumping in your veins. Even after Jisung slipped your and his underwear off and slid the condom on his leaking cock, there’s no sign of fear bubbling in you. It’s rather the opposite; you nudge him to finally slide into you.

“So impatient,” he tuts playfully, and because he can’t help being a bit sadistic, he teases your dripping entrance with the tip of his cock. Tears begin to form in your eyes from the frustration of clenching around nothing. You feel like crying for good once he slowly pushes into you. The stretch feels unfamiliar and completely different than what you’re used to from his fingers, but it’s not unpleasant as you throw your head back. While you’re adjusting to his girth, Jisung observes your every expression, faltering whenever you scrunch your eyes shut.

“You still there?” he asks in hushed tones, caressing your cheek.

In awe about his concern, you nod. “I’m fine. It’s just… new. I’ve never done this, but I guess you already figured that out.” It takes you a moment to catch your breath, and then you give him the green light to continue.

The way Jisung has your hands firmly against the bed lacks the usual roughness; he isn’t gripping your wrists as if he’s about to cut off your blood circulation. This time, he has intertwined his fingers with yours as if he doesn’t ever want to let go of you. A firework of colors and stars is all you see as he thrusts into slow and deep and with all the passion he has to offer. His lips don’t leave space for a breather either; he kisses you with so much fervor that it swallows your heart up whole. At that instant, you realize that he’s claimed your heart and isn’t going to give that up any time soon. You don’t mind, because you know that you’ve committed the same crime.

It’s not long after until you feel the orgasm building up. Jisung brings one hand down to flick your clit, and just like that, you unravel beneath him. His own release follows suit, a muffled groan coming from his lips as he spills into the condom.

It’s quiet for a moment, no words spoken between you except for harsh breathing. Eventually, Jisung slides his softening dick out of you and disappears for a moment to clean up, returning with a damp towel for you to freshen up a little, as well as a glass of water.

“I think I won’t be able to walk tomorrow,” you say after you gulped down the drink in one go, voice devoid of emotion. A laugh leaves Jisung. The way you deliver it is so casual as if he didn’t just have his dick in you minutes before. “Also, isn’t this the part where we should cuddle?”

“So bossy, your royal majesty.” He even takes a bow before he climbs back on the bed, pulling the covers over your bodies, and scooting up to you. He says something else, but you don’t register what exactly. All you care about is being wrapped in his warm embrace. The stench of sweat isn’t prominent on him anymore. Instead, it’s a huge cloud of Axe overpowering your senses. You would complain, but you’re too blissed out to bother.

Jisung must’ve noticed at a certain point that you’ve wandered to daydream paradise. “You’ve been quiet for a while. A penny for your thoughts.”

“But you can read my mind.”

“I want you to say it out loud.” His answer comes like a shot while his hand is brushing through your hair. “That, and your thoughts are too jumbled and my head is going to malfunction if I try to decode everything running in your head right now.”

The corners of your lips quirk upwards. “I’m just thinking about how we did everything in the wrong order. It’s just now that we kissed, before that I only sucked you off or something. We’re so fucked up.”

“If you word it that way, we definitely didn’t follow the book.” Jisung laughs in agreement. The vibrations from his chest causes you to bubble up in warmth.

“I don’t mind, though. That’s not the point. I’m happy.” You don’t have to look up to know that his eyes lit up. “Jisung, I’m happy that you’re mine.”

The hold around your waist tightens, and you feel a soft kiss being pressed on top of your head. “And I’m happy that you’re mine.”

In another lifetime, another universe, you probably wouldn’t have to go through these struggles. Society would normalize having someone that completes you. You wouldn’t go through countless stages of denial, countless stages of frustration, and countless stages of doubt.

In another lifetime, another universe, you potentially could’ve been on even worse terms. Just like in those cyberpunk movies, maybe you two would be enemies, one fighting alongside the government, the other assisting the villain who tries to overthrow the system. Star-crossed lovers, that’s what you two would be dubbed as.

In another lifetime, another univer—

No need to fantasize about what could be. The only lifetime that matters is this lifetime, this universe, your reality. In reality, people like you live in hiding. In reality, society is doubtful towards people with soulmates. In reality, people like you are destined for a tragedy. It’s taken you a long time to wrap it around your head.

That’s alright though. You’re alright. You’ll always be alright. The universe might have not played in your favor in this lifetime, but you still found each other. Perhaps, the universe will be more forgiving towards you in your next lifetime. Or the one after. Who knows? Whatever happens, at least you know you have one person you’re bound to meet wherever you are, whenever you are. One person who won’t ever let go of you. One person you won’t ever let go of.

“Yeah, I’m yours.”

#i'm never writing a oneshot again this is too stressful for my heart #stray kids smut #skz smut #han jisung smut #jisung smut #stray kids dark hours #dom!jisung #sub!reader #jijiri.txt #smut.mine #i winged the ending so pls go easy on me dlskjflkjsa

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vidavalor · 3 years

Text

Bucky flirting with Sam as part of the changing times theme in Ep 5...

This is on the long side. Contains brief mention of the show basically canonizing Bucky as a sexual assault survivor. It’s meta on Bucky and Sam’s identity themes and how the show is shifting into a theme of changing times with the latest episodes-- mostly about how Bucky’s journey is paralleling Sam’s, even while being a different kind of journey.

One of the more interesting subtle themes of Ep 5 is that while we have had a lot of emphasis in the earlier episodes on how much horror still exists in America-- and a very right, necessary emphasis-- as the show begins to pivot towards the part of Sam’s journey that involves him deciding to become Captain America, they are pivoting a bit to illustrate that as much as many things have, unfortunately, not changed the way they should have over time, a lot really has. (Also, the Sam-as-Captain-America thing isn’t meant to be a spoiler as I don’t really totally know if that’s the ending, it just seems um... really the only place this story is going...) They have been using Isaiah to illustrate this point for Sam quite a bit in Ep 5, especially. The core conflict comes from Isaiah believing that a self-respecting Black man wouldn’t want to fight for America after the horrors that have been done to Black people in its history, which is not something that Sam ultimately feels is true. He definitely feels the pain of Black history in America but he still believes *in* America and views it as his country and is accepting that everyone in it really has a role to play in making it live up to the ideals it espouses but has still yet to achieve. In deciding to appreciate Isaiah choosing to open up to him and share his story but respectfully disagree with him on what to do next-- and to have his ability to make this choice reinforced by Sarah supporting him by saying she knows he will choose to fight in the fights he believes in and she has his back-- Sam is choosing to become a symbol of something, even if he’s just a man, and he’s affirming to himself that it is okay for him to believe in this thing he believes in. It’s okay for him to believe in America and love America and what it stands for, even in all its extremely imperfect glory, because he can be the change he wants to see in the world. He knows there are many people who will support him in that and that it only happens if we make it happen and that America, in all its imperfection, has made a lot of positive change happen throughout its short history.

You know who else is enjoying similar truths in the same episode? Bucky.

Bucky arrives in Delacroix all “Hello, 21st Century! I’ve always wanted to flirt with a man in public! I will be over here, lifting heavy stuff and getting in the personal space of your next Captain America, Good People of Delacroix, Louisiana!” What’s so endearing about this is not even just that this is clearly the first time that Bucky has felt like he has some control over his own mind, after proving he can manage The Winter Soldier in him a bit in the last few episodes, but that he’s working towards this kind of peace in a time where he really no longer has to hide any part of himself. Long before The Winter Soldier, Bucky was so the guy with a girl on each arm and a guy in the dark of the back alley. He has never, in his entire century-plus of living, been able to really be who he is without fear. It’s not as if there is not any fear left for LGBTQIA people in the world because, sadly, of course there is but loving Sam would have gotten Bucky arrested twice over in the 1940s. Interracial marriage was illegal until the Loving Act of 1967-- and that was still just for heterosexual couples. Obviously, same-sex marriage wasn’t legalized in the U.S. until 2015. If Bucky had been caught with a man in his youth, let alone a Black man, they both would have been arrested. Even if they were let go (and Bucky would have been more likely to suffer less, on account of being white), their reputations and ability to work and serve in the military could have been impacted.

The show toys with this with Bucky’s interest in exploring it, even through the haze of a lot of severe trauma, back in Episode 1. While he’s mainly eating at the sushi bar because he’s befriended Yori on account of his amends project, he is living in a very modern existence by regularly conversing with these two. Consider that the show chose to make both of them Japanese, basically to illustrate that Bucky, in a sense, was always progressive for his time period. Bucky *could* have been the kind of WW2 soldier who forever saw people of the countries the Allies fought against as an enemy-- your grandfathers and great-grandfathers who never stopped hating the Japanese. But he’s not. He actually comes off as someone whose inability to fit the mode of the heterosexual white American guy in his own time period lent him a lot of empathy towards others and I might be wrong about this because I can’t quite recall at the moment but wasn’t he drafted, as opposed to enlisted? It’s doubtful he even really wanted to fight, although he’s always up for a fight against a bully and clearly hated the Nazis (but wanting to fight fascism makes you far from intolerant.) My point is that Bucky, back in Ep 1, is already experimenting with how living in the 21st century could be a positive thing for him in a life he might want to make for himself, if he can get through his trauma enough to do so.

He eats lunch on the regular with a man who is, in all likelihood, descended somewhere from at least one person who fought on the enemy side to Bucky in WW2. He regularly chats with Leah, who is completely unlike anyone he would have been able to talk to in the 1940s and seems almost designed to be *exactly* that intentionally-- she is a woman with a job that wasn’t like a nurse or a teacher or Peggy Carter lol. She tends bar, a job that was virtually exclusively male in the ‘40s. She has open visible tattoos and is probably putting herself through college-- something that women were just being able to attend, usually in female-only settings. She makes her own money and lives as a single woman, likely without the express intention on getting married and having a family relatively soon. (There’s nothing wrong with any of that. It’s more just that it would have been the exception, rather than the norm, in Bucky’s youth.) Atop that, she is Asian and works in a Japanese restaurant-- the ultimate business that would have suffered during the ‘40s as America didn’t exactly do right by its Japanese-Americans during the war and if Bucky, a white soldier, had been seen with a Japanese girl, it would have been bad for him but worse for her.

So the reason why Yori has noticed that Bucky always looks at Leah when they eat lunch is probably less about the attraction Yori assumed Bucky had for her and more that Leah is this personal fascination for Bucky-- a human being who is basically the total embodiment of everything that has changed in the world since Bucky was last freely a part of it. Yori assumes Bucky wants a date but Bucky really wants what he ultimately got out of it, which is more just to talk to her a bit.

They also play Battleship, which is kind of darkly funny. The game originated after WW1 and used to be played on paper. It soared into popularity in the 1930s and has never stopped being popular ever since-- so, in essence, the game they play is the one part of this that, like Bucky, has been in existence the whole time. It has taken on different forms, though. It became a plastic board game in the ‘60s and has been modernized a few times but it’s still here. (It’s also funny that Bucky is kind of losing the game with her, symbolizing that he’s not entirely figured out this whole modern world yet, even if he’s very interested by it.)

But the big thing is that Bucky is beginning to edge away from just observing this new world and trying to decide how he wants to participate in it. He’s basically decided that he might like to and while his heart is completely with Sam, he’s also afraid of himself and his ability to potentially destroy that one really strong wish he has to be with him, so he’s pushing him away by not answering his texts. He’s likely also, atop insecurity in himself, literally terrified at the idea of hurting Sam not just physically-- through some nightmare or some untapped Winter Soldier potential or failing to protect him-- but through the fact that he’s a guy from the 1940s who has literally never openly dated a man, had Black friends during the war but that was decades ago and is not really sure how to do this.

Forced into a date with Leah, he experiments with the modern world in a way because he’s here because sure, he likes her and all but he was more just interested in her world than her personally and he just didn’t want to disappoint either her or Yori, so he showed up. She seems fairly trustworthy (and he trusts no one but Sam and Yori, so that’s a start) but what he wants really is to say aloud to someone for the first time that he likes men. To see how that goes in this modern era. (Depending on how you take Bucky and Steve, he could have put this into words to Steve at one point, likely way back when, but it’s also possible that they both just knew and didn’t talk about it. Either way, you didn’t go around telling people you didn’t trust in the ‘40s and it’s doubtful that he’s ever just said it to anyone and for sure not on a regular basis.)

He even knows that this wouldn’t be a deal breaker for a woman, necessarily, in the modern era, which is probably blowing his mind a bit because you would have been hard-pressed to find a woman who would admit to someone she didn’t implicitly trust that back in the ‘40s and it wouldn’t have been so open and accepted. What he really wants in Leah is a new friend and she seems to sense that-- she likes this weird guy with the circulation problem that is nice enough to lunch with the old man at her restaurant, he seems okay enough, if broody and sad, so why not talk to him for a bit? She totally thinks he’s just a closet case (she’s not wrong lol) and won’t really be crushed by him rushing out of the date beyond like “too bad, he was pretty hot” but for Bucky, this is the likely the first time he’s ever casually chatted with another human being about his attempt at finding a guy he likes.

It’s actually really sweet in that he’s still sort of coding it a bit, if not that much. He’s still a bit nervous about this so he’s saying tiger pictures to reference men so he can say it without saying it. Leah gets it and just kind of rolls with it and probably has zero idea how big a deal it was for the century-old guy sitting at the bar.

He might have been intentionally dramatic a bit about how it was all “a lot” but he was also telling her the truth-- he did a little exploring online. Found some men. It looked like a lot of work to stroke all these egos. Bucky’s for the modern world but he’s kind of into more old-fashioned guys. He’s got a warm-hearted soldier kink. Family man kind of guys with generous spirits. He’s considering online stuff because he’s also a guy who has been through an absurd amount of trauma-- some of which the show will just come out and say involves sexual assault, off that Selby scene-- and he’s probably considering trying to get beyond some of it by just having sex with somebody. It’s not at all an uncommon response for people who have been raped to try to get beyond it by just having sex again and you know this is yet another level of anxiety for him when it comes to the idea of having another chance at life. He’s nervous around himself at this point and doesn’t fully trust himself, so he’s not sure how he can trust other people and the one guy he *does* trust and *does* want? Bucky has that whole ‘don’t want to burden him with my own issues’ thing happening. (That’s not a bad thing when it’s a situation of expecting your partner to be your therapist, which shouldn’t happen but Bucky would and should have expectations that someone he’d have as a romantic partner can be someone he can trust to care about him and be sensitive to how his past plays into his present needs, in and out of bed.) He’d trust Sam with this but he also wants to be like... he basically feels like he met the potential love of his life while trying to kill him and just got his mind back and the timing is all wrong. It’s a lot of ‘too broken for Sam’ self-narrative.

Whether or not Bucky actually went beyond scrolling and being astounded at the unattractive insecurity of tiger pictures or whether he hooked up a time or two, it’s clear he didn’t get what he needed out of it and he gave up on it, admitting to himself that he’s really basically a tired old romantic who wants love and trust and the whole dance of things and that kind of intimacy more than the back alley casualness of online dating. This is about as far as Bucky has gotten while trying to deal with his trauma while having a truly terrible therapist: he likes sushi now and would like to have his life’s first real chance at an open, mutual, loving, romantic relationship. He just didn’t know how to get himself there.

John Walker and the shield issues actually, ironically, gave him scenarios where he could, through actions that suited him better than those his therapist had assigned. He needed to learn not to not hurt anyone but how to manage it when he did. He needed to learn how to be a soldier that protects people again, not the Winter Soldier, and that he can control that part of himself. He needed the opportunity to show Sam that he really does care, he’s just a grieving mess of a man working through being so out of time and secretly scared that he might like this time better, might have a chance at being who he is for the first time, and he doesn’t know quite what to do with that. He lets Sam in enough that they can show one another that they understand each other’s traumas. He tosses himself out of a plane for Sam in the first episode to prove he’ll follow him anywhere, that he’s strong and will survive and come back, knowing about Riley not being alive when he hit that ground. Sam responds by seeing Bucky essentially frozen in a PTSD moment of the train car on the side of that truck and grabs him out of danger. They snark and bicker but the actions speak louder than the words-- there’s caring there and want and a sense that they’re a bit gone on the other.

Sam’s trust in Bucky-- even as Bucky is still learning how to trust himself with himself-- gives Bucky a confidence boost that he was missing when he pulled away from Sam out of fear of hurting him. The whole White Panther/White Wolf scene? Sam expected Bucky to grumble or blush, he was for sure flirting with him but didn’t expect quite that amount of flirt back. Without realizing it, he had hit on the exact part of Bucky’s identity that was giving him the biggest boost, that he understood the best at that time-- the White Wolf. The White Wolf is the freed Winter Soldier, a peaceful tender of goats, a wounded warrior beloved by a community who rescued him. He represents Bucky’s recent past into his present-- being able to work for the chance to shake loose the Winter Soldier and evolve into a different version of himself. He wanted to impress Sam with that-- he saw Sam’s flirting and parried back, which he didn’t always do, because he knew it would be impressive that the Wakandans had given him a (pretty sexy actually) nickname. He’s boosted by Sam still flirting, Sam still caring, still seeing something in him he’s working on seeing himself. He has some hope, even as they fight, because his attempts at getting closer to Sam are not being rejected wholesale and Sam keeps reaching out to him, often literally. After Madripoor and after Bucky going after and finding Zemo, he feels more ready. He’s more in control of himself. He thinks he has a path to getting beyond the worst of this stuff and he might not have worked out all the details yet or figured out what it looks like but he finally feels ready to try and since Sam hasn’t rejected him, he’s going to take Yori’s advice, just with the right person and stop waiting around, stop just looking and make a move.

In a way, Sam is introduced to 1940s Bucky for the first time in Delacroix-- this is the guy he saw glimpses of but was pretty deeply buried. He’s not reverted back to the Bucky of old as how could he, after all he’s been through? But this is the flirt, the natural charmer and he’s been set free for real for the first time, without worry or fear that he can’t live a life he wants and be the person he truly is without fear of rejection of who he loves, his family and the community at large. He likes this place that is the exact opposite of everything he’s suffered-- it’s so warm, he’ll never feel frozen again, physically or emotionally. The people here don’t care about his arm or who he loves, Sam’s family has Sam’s big, warm heart and Sam? Well, Bucky’s enjoying making him a little flustered. You like that stealthy White Wolf, Sam? Well, he’s got his eyes on you. ;)

Maybe the best part of this being the parallel to Sam’s decisions about how he wants to identify when it comes to him deciding to take up the shield is that it relates to a sense of freedom that is at the core of both of Sam and Bucky’s stories and is the whole point of Captain America and how it is supposed to symbolize a fight against fascism. Bucky has been told twice in the series that he’s “free” and each were, in a sense, a bit true. Ayo tells him this when he’s free from mind control and that is a major move forward for him-- life-altering-- but he’s not free from the trauma of it. Dr. Raynor tells Bucky that he’s free now and can build whatever life he wants but we see on Bucky’s face how those statements for him, in those early episodes in New York, really are conflicting ones-- he is free from mind control but still imprisoned in his trauma and that is what is keeping him from making the life he wants. Over the course of TFATWS, alongside Sam’s journey to decide how he wants to feel about America as a Black man and what he feels he owes to the country and the country owes to him, is the story of Bucky having to build his own identity as well. The Falcon and The Winter Soldier is ultimately what these guys were-- the identities they still have at the beginning of the show. They’re going to end it Sam and Bucky, Captain America and the White Wolf. Bucky’s real sense of freedom only came when he realized he could trust himself to decide how he wanted to live, when he proved that to himself and took control over it. He’s still not completely fine-- no one really is, ever-- but he has a path now. Sam and Bucky have different identity conflicts but ultimately, at the core, their struggles with them and with what their country has asked of them and with how they want to live and what they want for themselves, is very similar and the core of a lot of why they understand one another well.

It wouldn’t surprise me if we find out that Bucky stopped answering Sam’s texts when Sam suggested he come to Delacroix. Bucky knew about the boat when he got there, the same way that Sam knew about Bucky’s nightmares, so these two were talking a lot, they were friends on a verge of more but both knowing they each had too many struggles to overcome first and I think that Sam had to have been trying to reach out and accidentally went too far. It’s kind of like in the therapy session-- most of the time, Sam is amazing at dealing with people who have been through trauma but he sometimes falls off his game with Bucky. The whole “this is what you wanted, right?” in the therapy session is frustration, it’s pushing a little too hard, it’s snarking over feeling like Bucky rejected him romantically, even if Sam understands why and probably wasn’t convinced they were ready for it anyway. It’s possible that Sam thought inviting Bucky home with him would be good for him-- and the sun and the Wilsons would have been-- but, at the time, it just made Bucky panic, which is then also why Sam just rolls over the fact that Bucky hadn’t been returning his texts when they see one another again. Sam kept reaching out to check on him but accepted the non-response because he felt like he might have kind of pushed Bucky too fast. They both know they both have feelings for one another but are scared by how much the other has to get through to get to that point and feel ill-equipped to really help one another, often blunder in their attempts to (and other times, get it just right.)

So, yeah. There’s still no shortage of conflicts to be dealt with but alongside Sam finding his path to living his truth in this modern world has been Bucky’s arc from daring to whisper about tiger photos to showing up to show off his prowess with heavy stuff and tools to win over his boyfriend in front of his family and hometown. It’s not subtext. It’s literally Bucky’s identity-themed character arc, existing in parallel to Sam’s. Just because they aren’t giving it a ton of labels does not mean that it isn’t the intent of the story.

#sambucky #buckysam #bucky barnes #bucky #sam wilson #tfatws

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