#EXPLODES THE WORLD WITH MY HEAD

[jorrated]

not now kitten, daddy's on the brink of it

#always arguing with myself wether i should allow myself to be venty here cause i feel like im annoying but also its my home!!! #i should be able to be annoying #but also!!! i annoy myself venting! #AUGH BARK BARK BITE BIUTE[ #I HATE FEELING BAD AND BEING AWARE ITS DOESNT MAKE SENSE BUT STILL FEELING BAD WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CANT JUST #FUCKING FEEL OKAY BY JUST USING LOGIC #EXPLODES THE WORLD WITH MY HEAD #God i need to get back on medication #but CHRIST. #its so fucking expensive #and even with brazilian health care its still a mess #like it will take more than a month for me to get started on medication that will fuck me up for a while #and i kinda dont wanna be insane on my first clinic job #BUT I ALREADY FEEL LIKE IT AUGHBDSEFCECUIHAEDDJUHG[ #sorry for being depressive *thumbs up* and sorry for apologizing for shit i dont need to apologize #im just so stressed with everythings that im also slightly catatonic about it so yknow #like im leaving home 7:30am and getting back almost 10:00pm #and its all classes and internships and sidehustles #ive never felt so connected to bloody stickmen #its one of those months that logically i know shit will be okay #ijust cant emotionally feel like it #so fucking frusrtrating i want to kill the sun

[samarecharm]

Ryuji having the worst bi crisis of his fucking life bc his mom just had to fucking ask “oh, whats this young ladys name?” when he showed her a picture of Akira petting Morgana. Like okay yeah Akira is like objectively pretty, hes like the Classic Delicate Pretty Boy just like Yusuke which is like whatever; straight dudes have eyes, and they know what women like to see. But now hes like. Seeing things he likes in girls IN Akira now and he cant make it Stop like its genuinely keeping him up at night 😭

Pretty boy used to be A Face that would come up in his mind when he thought of the term. There was no specifics in mind, just like. Pretty Boy. Pretty boy! You say that and theres like a Face Template that shows up in ur minds eye and hed just attribute that to any dude who was like Vaguely Pretty. But now its Akira 😭 and he finds himself cataloging things that Akira does that he KNOWS he finds cute when girls do it. The hairtuck behind the ears. The headtilt when he mishears a question. The Actually Pretty Doe Eyes. The breathy, nearly inaudible chuckle he does in place of a Real laugh (thats made better by the fact that its so hard to get him to laugh in the first place). He likes cute snacks. He blushes easily. Ryuji is sitting here like ‘theres no fucking way man. Like theres just no way. That shit makes NO sense (a lie)’ lying in bed in the middle of the night looking like this vvvv w his phone in his hands (looking at pictures of akira)

It drives him insane bc like he did Not see any of these things as like inherently girly or whatever. Like thats just akira thats just his bro! And he does OTHER weird shit that cancels all that shit out. Hes like a messy engineer/tinkerer, he rolls out of bed and whatever situation his hair is is everyones problem. He wears that AWFUL gym uniform and doesnt tweak it AT ALL?? He likes baseball?? hes got a whole binder of trading cards that he will show off if u show any moment of weakness. Like hes just Some Dude but also manages to be Some Girl at the same time and Ryuji is like thats not fair. Life sucked ass but at least it made sense before Akira stumbled into it 😭

#persona 5 #pegoryu #akiryu #chattin #long post #THIS one is almost a year old lmao its been in my drafts for a while #i at least tagged it as pegoryu before running away cutely so i think i was finished ??? well now i am throwing it into the world #anyway. akira is the guy ever. and ryuji is exploding #‘i have died. badly’ #i like thinking of akira like this; hes ryujis first exposure to nb ppl and gnc adjacent stuff #even if akira is p masc by most standards hes still got a bit of. aloofness. about his gender stuffs #ryuji is just really into the way akira carries himself #and it takes him a while to go oh. oh i think its cause i like this dude #um. #😳. #also i wanted to clarify #but ryujis mom just doesnt know Who akira is in that picture #and in my head hes like. looking down at mona and petting him (while sitting) #(AND hes with ann and theyre both kind of a distance away from the camera) #so at a quick glance; hes just Some Girl #and even though shes wrong; it kicks off the mental chaos olympics in ryujis head #‘what hes not a girl’ to ‘where would she even get that from’ to ‘well akira said himself he didnt rlly care what ppl thought about it’ #to ‘well. where DID she get that from?’ to lookin at what his homie does a little closer to ‘aw fuck. man.’ #but i love that for him #ALSO. RYU/GORO IN TAGS….. #but ryuji going oh my GOD oh my godddd 😨😓😓😓 when something clicks in his head about goro #his voice is so practiced and naturally softspoken and his public facing persona is very demure #and once he gets past the initial anger over goro being a pompous prick who shittalks about the thieves. hes like. god fucking dammit. #There Is A Pattern and A Type He Has and Its Killing Him To Realize it. #hes literally sitting in his room w his head in his hands

[kakyogay]

alri I'm feeling generous tonight I'll give you folks the sketches (for the main 4) I just finished before I go sleeb

#don't mind how moon and pebs are like slightly more blurry than the other two #drew them a little too small and it's only the sketch so it'll look better when I actually line and color them #but also gotta do sos cw and ui so it may take a bit #idk I just want to actually give them colors because I have the ideas in my head I just never got them out #eh I'll tag this properly why not #rain world #seven red suns #five pebbles #looks to the moon #no significant harassment #gjinka bs #nighty night :3 *explodes*

[1driedpersimmon]

Misa and L makeup adventures and also Matsuda

#death note #kinda of a small assortment of non related doodles #yeah #I watched the second dn movie! it was good but the fact that they decided to let L live longer than Light is actually exploding my head like #anyways I’m scared and excited to watch L change the world I hear it’s really good #and really sad #… #am I ready to see L die for like…. the 5th time???? probably not but that’s what I signed up for I GUES…. #L #l lawilet #Misa #misa amane #Misa is sooooo fun to draw btw #matsuda #matsuda touta #I’m never drawing L without his eye bags again….

[floorpancakes]

ok but im rly into the idea of till having a new era that brings the light back to his eyes and drives him forward if he gets to escape the arena. idk where he'd go from there but i want to see ivans sacrifice both haunt him and drive him to actually live his damn life after being the captured bird refusing freedom cause of mizi. once he knows she's alive with the resistance he might be able to actually experience other things and widen his world and if that happens and he puts his personal sense of rebellion towards the human cause OR settles into finding some other way to feel fulfilment that isn't a single person that could be deeply fascinating to me i think

#alien stage #ramble #idk #till alien stage #as an xxxholic fan i want to see caged birds fly and all the fear and loss and grit and progress that comes with it #till era would be so fucking fun #especially when characters r built arnd one person or one goal or something you want to see them find new things to suffer or thrive abt (?) #random inconsequential thought imagine till hooking up with hyunas besties and they become a resistance throuple #idk i just want till to experience the wider world as the one that was the most restrained by his heart AND literally #cause even compared to the other anakt kids he suffered so much in those damn buildings and labs #i wanna see him freed and what that means for ivans legacy as the person who was unseen but someone who both contributed to and desperately #tried to stop his pain and confinement no matter what #honestly the thing i wanna see most rn off the top of my head is #till coming to terms with what he knows and sees about ivan now #no matter how he feels about it i think ivan wont be forgotten that easily #i want to know whats going thru tills head rn immediately in this moment #cause this snapped him in some way and he is acutely aware of things he didnt even notice before #while handling the mizi desth thing #that he assumed was happening #if he is assumedly saved i want to see the explosion that is knowung mizi is alive #knowing ivan is dead and how ivan felt #and knowing he has a way out of the cage #because its a triple whammy #i want to see his brain exploding in real time thinking abt all these things #and what sort of person the revelations will make him become #also i want to see mizi and till have like an actual conversation cause itd be a wildcard especially right now

[elioine]

well... so i tried to draw 'them' because 🫠🫠

#because my heart would explode if i didn't!!! #they're 24/7 in my head these days =))) #gwevin #gwen tennyson #kevin levin #ben 10 alien force #if i could just omit this tagging thing💀 #my art #😭❤️ #more tags_ #posting and flying away hiding behind the real world!

[andromeda3116]

...okay that post about redwall made something suddenly click inside my head bc like

yeah, they're incredibly sense-heavy, filled with incredibly strong imagery that invokes all the senses so powerfully that you can smell the feasts... and i devoured them when i was like. ten-twelve. and just starting to really get into writing.

like i'm very proud of my ability to write imagery now as an adult, i feel like it's my greatest strength, and i never really examined where that came from, but falling in love with a series that's so rich in it right at a formative time in my life, particularly with regards to my writing...

redwall taught me how to craft imagery

and not just that, but understanding how to do it has helped me over decades to articulate and describe my surroundings and their impact on me in ways that literally help me organize my thoughts

like

i know we use "x rewrote my brain chemistry" but like holy shit brian jacques rewrote my brain chemistry

#redwall #brian jacques #lightbulb exploding on top of my head rn #like i fucking *loved* these books i waited eagerly for every new release i adored them so much #i never put two and two together about how they were affecting my perception of the world #but i remember eating a bowl of soup and thinking about how it would be described in a redwall book #it *really* enriched my life (and made boring campbell's soup cans suddenly fun to eat) #i never realized how much i owe to brian jacques #rip good sir #if there's an afterlife i hope you're getting to eat the feasts you described

[skybristle]

rbs > likes

more ancients sorry I'm going crazy

#i have one other sketched but dont have a full name for them #oc tag: a cherished melody from riverbeds to reefs #my art #doodles #rain world #rain world oc #rw ancient #big fan #it/its or EXPLODE btw #its so unformal its so funny. rays is like please chwnge out of the adam sandler fit before we go to our meeting #and it whines and kicks its feet and does puppy dog eyes at him until he clunks its mask ofer its head and gifes up #oh shit #oc tag: resonant chimes

[oh-my-chocolate]

laurence: temeraire is a fully realized individual :)

laurence, when another dragon is also a fully realized individual:

laurence: on my way to the dragon training grounds where the dragons are trained! boy i wonder who will train these dragons

#asks #morethanfantasy #his world has been completely turned on its head dfkhlsldsfdsf i will cut him some slack #it's so funny he's like. temeraire; yes; the best most cleverest dragon ever #and then another dragon speaks to him and he's like sir. what. #sir my good manners are the only thing stopping me from exploding with shock #temeraire #his majesty's dragon #how are you finding it so far!! i did see the reply to my ask dsfjfs sorry if i am frothing at the mouth about this i will restrain myself #i hope you are having a good time though!!

[laulo821]

I'm talking the talk Cuz I know I'm slick

#art #matthew patel #scott pilgrim #scott pilgrim vs the world #scott pilgrim takes off #TAKE HIS SONG OUT OF MY HEAD PLEASE #IM GOING TO . EXPLODE #you want to fight me... hah!... you're not the brightest... #punches the ground #anyways #he's cool #also it's a free retake on a frame from the film

[sneez]

i used to talk about this a lot on twitter a few years ago but recently i’ve been thinking again about how little agency victor kain has both within the narrative and as an individual. specifically i think a lot about how his life after nina’s death is one in which he as a person plays very little role, and the fact that his duty as her husband (and as a kain) means that after she’s gone the nature of his family’s beliefs about the preservation of the soul keep him trapped by design in a grief that is necessarily all-consuming. if he wants to keep nina’s soul alive he can never progress beyond even the first stage of grief: every moment has to be dedicated to her and her memory; he has to be constantly reminded of her and the fact that she is dead. for him to move on would be for him to essentially kill her, so he can never even attempt to recover from her loss. his life has to revolve around the space where she was. in that way i see him as kind of a living shrine, a memorial whilst he’s alive and a vessel when he’s dead. his path is called the mistress! his entire life is explicitly devoted to someone who will take his body and return to life when he sacrifices himself for her! he’s working towards a utopia like the rest of his family, but who is it for? he lost his son in the pursuit of this thing which he will never get to see, and which seemingly never had a place for him at all. the kains’ utopia doesn’t even extend to their own.

all of this pains me particularly acutely because of how clear it is that victor does have interests and desires of his own, despite his implications that he is nothing more than a mouthpiece for his family. if you believe andrey, he doesn’t even want to be here: he wants to go back to the capital to finish his degree. i often see people talk about the kains as if they are one undifferentiated entity, but a lot of the quests ‘the kains’ give you are from victor, and i would argue that in most of those he is acting as an individual rather than necessarily a kain. he wants daniil to free the wrongfully imprisoned people; he acts against his family’s interests in rewarding clara for telling him about rubin. his letter to daniil on day 9 causes me agony for many reasons but in this context specifically because it doesn’t seem like he wants to die. georgiy appears pretty unfazed about being possessed by simon (although it’s georgiy so who knows) but victor, who has two children and has been one of the town’s rulers for presumably several decades, is telling a man he met just over a week ago that he is the only one to whom he can pass on anything meaningful. you could argue that he is just manipulating daniil here to persuade him to take up the kains’ cause, but i am of the opinion that he is being genuine in this case. he doesn’t want to die. he wants his family back again, but the only way they can be reunited is with his death. he wants to finish his degree. i am putting my head through walls

#pathologic #victor kain #ghost post #i havent put anything new in my posts tag in Uh Many months but ive been going insane in the brain about victor again recently so here i am #he causes me agony and pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! augh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #he is just so sad. the more you think about him as a character the worse it gets. he has to be depressed forever or his wife will die (2) #the kains are just so messed up as a family. they have so many problems. they are so cruel to themselves #i didnt even talk about how his children dont seem to care for him either. georgiy certainly doesnt seem to. hes isolated by design #i dont think i expressed myself very well here but i had to say something or my head would explode and come off #i do talk about this very often on my private twitter but i want to share my suffering and anguish with the world #holds out my hand. suffer about victor kain with me

[plulp]

WORLDBUILDING???? 👀👀👀👀👀

you seriously dont want to ask about my ocs. i swear to god you dont. we're all going to have a horrible time. the last time i talked about worldbuilding it was all refrigerators. its all fridges. we'll all have a bad time

#asks #bastardcherub #thank you for asking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but once i start talking about this its all over for everyone. #i still need to write about siphonophores. for my world #the animals need them. #maybe i should just open my side account now. if i keep thinking about them my heads going to explode #i have like 1 person i infodump about my ocs to (my best friend) and they take the brunt force of my insanity #i still need to draw a map. i havent even written about the hole yet. #i need to finish writing about death rituals. are you kidding me #ive only done farm and forest animals this is so sick #its all just the ramblings of a madman #you really dont want to know #i havent even #oh god #too much information #i need to clear my head. i cant keep thinking about this. #IIIVE ONLY WRITTEN ABOUT. oh god. i need to do aquatic animals still. and oh my god #aaaaaaaagh auuraaghghhhh (sound of me being pulled apart by 1 million ants) #maybe one day once its all polished over (read: 10 years) #ok i need to stop. before i go insane. its okay. its alright. im okay.

[aksool]

I’d let her suck out my eyeballs :S

#marceline #fionna and cake #adventure time #marcy #i love the adventure time world so much u dont understand #my head is going to explode

[corfisers]

it's so fascinating to me how little there is to work with if you want to go with the (most likely) intended reading of yashiro as a cis man. if you ignore what other characters are saying, all the instances of "bitch" being thrown at him, men comparing him to a woman as an insult, and just focus on his own feelings regarding his gender and masculinity, there's… nothing really? the few times when he explicitly says that he's not a woman go hand in hand with "therefore it's okay to hurt and abuse me, to be rough with me, to want to leave me, etc etc". the way he talks about men usually reads as "men and me" with a level of separation there. all the "what type of women do you like? is this how it is with women? are you gentle with women? women women women?" there's no attachment to being a man, not that i can see at least, so reading saezuru through the lenses of sexuality and gender rather than just sexuality is this weird experience of "i know what you want me to think, but thank you for leaving so much room for the other interpretation"

#sorry for spilling a bit of my trans yashiro agenda i just feel like i'd explode otherwise #like. she really didn't put anything in there. there is no “people don't see me as a man and it bothers me” or anything like that #and yes i know yashiro generally just doesn't care but still #i'm fully aware that we are not getting a “oops! the bl manga has always been about a closeted trans woman actually” #it's just the fact that there's NOTHING outside of the “this is the intent that you'd normally assume” that's so funny to me #i'm hoping that she doesn't touch on gender much so i could live in my own little world that Somehow magically doesn't go against canon #but even if she does then oh well. still valid reading up to this point at the very least and you can fight me on that idc #forcibly shutting myself up now but augh. head in hands. #saezuru tag

[barely-functioning-being]

#it’s a struggle #fanfiction #meme #do I have to tag every fandom seriously? there are too many #marvel #doctor who #lgbt harry potter #hannigram #she ra fanfic #I can’t remember them all lol #agents of shield #criminal minds #jurassic world #twilight but better #ncis #torchwood #encanto #this is a nightmare #there’s too many characters to keep track #my head is about to explode #one chicago #chicago fire #chicago pd #chicago med #six the musical #h2o just add water #too manyyyyyyyy #can I blame this on the neurodivergency? #i have no one to blame but myself #i need therapy

[femmedefandom]

so I actually really enjoy the OG SQQ, he is such an angsty and dramatic bitch absolutely stuffed with trauma and terrible coping behind that ice cold veneer and it’s a shame we didn’t get more of him. there’s just so much to explore with him and he gets cut out and missed by his sect exactly 0% which is pretty heartbreaking.

#svsss #shen qingqiu #shen jiu #og!sqq #a guy that had the outline of a protagonist but the realism of life #orphan child taken living on the streets that has seen too much darkness to be naive but he cares for the other children in his own way #tries to survive the streets and being sold to an abusive family #his friend is saved and brought to a better life leaving him behind #he’s stuck playing the gentle toy for an oblivious girl as her brother torments him regularly #he’s abandoned by his friend and he decides to take fate into his own hands #learning cultivation from a rogue and breaking free of his chains the only way he’s learned how #with brutal and efficient violence…all by himself #he murders his abusers and the rogue who pushed him further into darkness and crime #he makes his way to a righteous cultivation sect to see his brother who he thought was lost to him in death… #…doing apparently just fine as the future sect leader of the top sect with nothing but a bright shiny future and no worries #his past and betrayals have turned him bitter and cutting and closed off but more driven than anyone else #he suffers from qi deviation and likely issues being around other men and substandard education to become head disciple and later peak lord #but no matter how high he goes all he sees is that little beaten and abandoned boy who was good enough for no one with no future #all those fancy worries and honors mean nothing to someone who did anything to survive #all the vague apologies in the world do nothing to ease the suffering he’s experienced #all the rumors and snide remarks are worth him trying to explain himself constantly - to justify his existence #and all the self loathing that has built up could have done nothing but explode upon meeting the blessed protagonist #don’t mind me #just in my feels about sqq again #mxtx why did you make this man only to throw him away??