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jezebelgoldstone · 10 months

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RRR (2022, dir S. S. Rajamouli)

things i am not now and likely never will get over from RRR

DRIFT COMPATIBLE BATTLE COUPLE DETECTED

queer? platonic? queerplatonic? who gives a shit no matter what it was it was AWESOME

Colonialism Is Bad Actually: The Musical

the symbolism. holy shit. every BIT of it was absolutely amazing.

wow all the mains in this movie are just, really hot? my poor lil pan heart had a rough time with this one ngl

the fact that someone (likely many someones) watched this movie about Colonialism Is Bad Actually and said 'you know what let's dub this whole thing into Hindi and English and then not give an option to watch it with the original Telugu dialogue' sure was,,,,,,,,, A Choice

THE MUSIC

by which i mean the actual song-and-dance numbers as well as the like story soundtrack all of it is going on my playlist asap

listen the spirk-behind-glass scene is awful. spock and kirk can't even touch. they can hear. they can see. but they cannot touch. and i in my sweet ignorant bliss thought that was as bad as it could get.

tonight i learned that holding someone in your arms through the bars of their cell is so much worse

I watched it on Netflix but i looked it up on a few other ahem websites and on EVERY SINGLE ONE Telugu audio wasn't even an option.

there was not one single chance to tie things together or make a connection or do a setup/payoff or callback that was not taken. not a single one.

everything about this movie is 100% Extra

in short: this movie is a masterclass

aaaaaand the rest below a cut because WOW i have a lot to say actually

which brings me to the dancing oh my gods. not sure i've ever seen such enthusiastic dancing in anything in my entire life. seriously by the final number i was exhausted just watching them

in general, this movie is: stunning

"RAM." "BHEEM." "SEETHA." IT'S ABOUT THE SYMBOLISM.

also this was kinda hilarious because i watched it in hindi [the least disorienting option] and they kept SAYING "ram" but in the subs it was always fuckin RAJU so like. again with the Choices. like seriously what was the thought process there. WAS there a thought process.

FIRE. WATER. STORY. I JUST. I. HELP ME.

i ADORED jenny. with my whole entire heart. she is one of the very BEST examples of Ignorance Is A Privilege and also At What Point Does Ignorance Become Malicious that i have ever ever seen. i loooooooooved it. i mean i hated it a whole lot while it was happening but also i am SO GLAD that now rather than trying to explain all of this to people i can just tell them to watch this movie and then sit them down and be like, so what are your thoughts on jenny's culpability in literally everything?

oh and how you can be a kind person and still do atrocities! like jenny is so sweet and so kind and you just like her so much and yet. and yet.

t h e s y m b o l i s m

i cannot remember the last time i saw a movie so visually stunning. the cinematography is breathtaking. pause on just about any random frame and it could be a movie poster or hanging in an art gallery or what have you.

they also dubbed all the lines that were actually in english? i mean i get it for the characters who spent most of the movie speaking Telugu because you'd need their voices to stay the same through the whole movie yeah fine whatever. but like. they dubbed all the ENGLISH characters, too? like literally dubbed them from english into english??? the dialogue matched their mouths except the timing was veeeery sliiiiiiiightly off but it SOUNDED really obviously dubbed??? Y THO???

HOLY SHIT THE FIGHT SCENES OH MY GODS

Malli. Malli honey i love you. i'm just realizing i don't know if that's your actual name gods damn it. but whatever your name is child i love you.

and did i mention that everyone in this movie is beautiful? like. seriously. Ram and Bheem especially holy SHIT.

Physics Does Not Work Like That And I Do Not Care Because That Was AWESOME: The Musical

oooohhhhh they re-recorded and dubbed the fucking SONGS too. i am so pissed about this y'all i can't even tell you.

oh i want to do a whole entire post that's even longer than this one about the symbolism. hell i could probably do a whole entire post just on the fire/water symbolism even without everything else. It was AMAZING.

okay ram is fire and bheem is water and ram's people go to a valley on the shores of a river and the river is in literally every shot of the village and just ram BEING fire but water being a place of HOME and SAFETY for ram

i'm not crying shut up

MALLI AND HER MOTHER TRY TO REACH EACH OTHER BUT THEY CANNOT TOUCH THROUGH THE GLASS

BHEEM AND MALLI HOLD EACH OTHER THROUGH THE BARS OF HER CONFINEMENT AND HE HAS TO LET GO AND LEAVE HER

BHEEM AND RAM HOLD EACH OTHER THROUGH THE BARS OF HIS CONFINEMENT AND BHEEM RIPS THE DOOR RIGHT OFF

ooooooohhhhhhh and people holding hands right before they part. oh that hurts. all of those hurt so bad.

how every single time people held hands when they parted they always held on till the last possible second EXCEPT FOR RAM'S MOM.

she lifts her hand away from him and then pulls back and it was devastating

Predators Do Not Work Like That But I Do Not Care Because That Was Awesome And Also They Ate A Bunch Of Colonizing Cops: Queercoded Edition (ACAB)

bheem with his arms spread and rope or chains around his wrists or in his hands. i just. the way it flipped back and forth from 'he has the power' to 'he is helpless' to 'he should be helpless and isn't' was just. breathtaking.

AND THEN. AND THEN RAM. CHAINED UP THE SAME WAY. DOING THE SAME GODDAMN THING AND USING THE FACT THAT HE'S CHAINED UP FOR HIS OWN FUCKING PURPOSES BECAUSE HE SAW BHEEM DO IT FIRST DON'T TOUCH ME

okay listen this movie would've been good no matter what but like. they really are just SO beautiful. and. when ram. with like the long hair. and. beard. and like. you know? like. his. his hair. his general. everything. um.

literally at the most emotionally inappropriate moment i literally thought about that whole 'i saw a man so beautiful i started crying' thing and like that almost literally happened literally

Why There Can't Be Any Such Thing As Good Cops: The Romance (ACAB)

and like here's the thing i'm not sure i would've even NOTICED this had it not been for the linguistic chauvinism with the audio and everything but like both of them were hindu and a lot of the symbolism though awesome was also really strongly hindu and i just i don't know nearly enough about hindutva to have any kind of opinion BUT i also feel like maaaaaaaybe there was something a little uncomfy about some of this

oh no wait the suspenders dance. that might've actually been the best part. yeah.

oh all the british actors did SUCH a good job being so eminently punchable

throw cheetahs at each other! and snakes! somehow have upper body strength greater than the force exerted by a 800+ lb tiger lunging! throw those motorcycles! punch through those walls without breaking your fingers! use herbal paste to heal broken bones in a matter of a minutes! break solid stone with nothing but the strength of your shoulders and gay love! i am so here for all of this!!!

Throw Rocks Marble Pillars Live Tigers Cops At Cops: The Movie (ACAB)

i love that jenny felt bad for the poor little girl who got kidnapped enslaved and imprisoned so she. bought her a dress and a toy.

you know, to make her feel better about the whole 'being kidnapped enslaved and imprisoned' thing.

instead of doing, i don't know know, literally anything else. like even just saying to her aunt 'hey this makes me sad' or something. #solidarity.

the violence was violent and the romance was sweet

okay so during the fight at the midpoint like i know that by the end of it ram and bheem are literal fire and water BUT ALSO. Ram enters the scene in a flaming carriage and from that point forward the fountain is in pretty much every shot of bheem. just sayin.

love that lachu (or whatever his name really is) told ram that there was no cure. like yes! you go man! ram may be so beautiful that in forty minutes i'm going to be in tears but that's no reason to tell a cop the truth about anything! you lie to that cop man!

A BRITISH SOLDIER HIT LOKI IN THE HEAD WITH A BRANCH AND THEN STOLE MALLI AWAY

BHEEM HIT RAM IN THE HEAD WITH A BRANCH AND THEN STOLE MALLI AWAY

i know other people got hit in the head with tree branches too but STILL

honestly i really like that ram and bheem were, well, ram and bheem. but i mean im glad they weren't like ram and lakshman or bheem and arjun or something. not even just because that would've been brotherly like i'm glad they weren't arjun and krishna or something either. i liked that their names weren't from the same story. i liked it better this way and i can't even articulate why.

i am never ever ever going to get over the progression of part of bheem's introduction being something going wrong and him holding two ropes (he has all the power) with his arms spread and that being used to show us how incredibly strong he is -> something going wrong and bheem with ropes around his wrists (he shouldn't have any power at all) holding his arms spread and that being used to show how incredibly strong he is in a completely different way

like every time there were ropes or chains in bheem's hands or around his wrists it meant something, and it was a beat in the rhythm of a discernable arc, but now i can't remember all of them gdi

oooohhhhh there was SO much more symbolism i wanted to talk about but it's so late that i have a headache and this post is so long my computer's lagging like two sentences behind so i should stop and go to bed. sigh.

just go watch this movie, okay? pleae? I cannot IMAGINE who would've read this whole thing,m but if you did, just watch it, all rigth? (and if you happen to know of any site - ANY site - where i can watch it in FUKIN TELUGU kindly drop a link please and thank)

#rrr #queer movies #rambheem #i don't even know how else to tag this #op #rrr movie #ram x bheem #movie recs

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daphnefisherofficial · 7 months

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bugna: TAKIPSILIM | destiny's twilight

CHAPTER NINE

Pairing: MCU Moon Knight System (Marc/Jake/Steven) x Avatar Fem!Reader

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CHAPTER NINE - FORGOTTEN MEMORIES & INEVITABLE TRUTH.

You summoned and stepped through another portal, the world around you twisted and shimmered like a mirage as you returned to the solitude of your residence in Surrey, England. The familiar scent of aged books and ancient relics greeted you as you crossed the threshold of the study once more.

Your ceremonial suit of armor shifted seamlessly back into your olden clothes as the punong babaylan (head priestess), marking the end of another night's service as Mayari’s avatar. The soft, silver glow of the moonlight bathed the room, casting eerie shadows on the bookshelves and arcane artifacts that lined your study. Mayari's divine presence filled the room once more, and you turned to face her as she materialized at your side.

"Salamat sa iyong paninilbihan ngayong gabi," Mayari spoke, her voice filled with gratitude like the gentle rustling of leaves in the wind. Both her luminous and blind eyes held a warmth that seemed to reach deep into your soul. "Nalalapit na ang kabilugan ng buwan sa mga susunod na linggo, kaya’t maghanda ka"

Thank you for your service tonight. The next full moon is approaching in a few weeks, so make the necessary preparations.

“Paghahandaan ko ito, aking diwata”, you replied with a nod, knowing that another night of rituals and magic awaited you.

I’ll be ready, my goddess.

But as Mayari's words hung in the air, your thoughts were already drifting into the depths of your own mind. A nagging unease suddenly crept into your heart as vague, unsettling memories of the full moon from two months ago began to plague you like fragments of a forgotten dream. The furrowed brow and worried expression on your face did not go unnoticed by the moon goddess.

"May bumabagabag ba sa iyo, aking anak?" Mayari inquired, her silvery hair cascading like liquid moonlight around her shoulders.

Is something troubling you, my child?

You hesitated for a moment, unsure of whether to voice your concerns. After all, you had come to trust Mayari with your life and your secrets. "Hindi ko magawang maalala ang tunay na wangis ni Darius,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. "Para bang ang alaalang iyon ay unti unting nawawaglit sa aking isipan"

I... I still cannot remember Darius’s face, not clearly. It's as if his memory is slipping away from me.

Mayari's eyes widened, and for a moment, a shadow of concern flitted across her radiant features. She reached out, her cool fingers touching your cheek in a soothing gesture. "Kaunting paghihintay pa, mahal kong Mira" she said gently. "Pinagtutulungan nating mapanumbalik ang iyong mga alaala nitong mga nakaraang buwan. Nalalapit na ang mga kasagutang ating hinahanap, kaya’t manalig ka"

You need to have patience, my dear Mira. We are working to restore your memories these past few months. We are nearing the answers you seek, so have faith.

But you couldn't let it go so easily. The thought of never being able to remember Darius's face, the warmth of his smile, or the love in his eyes was almost unbearable. You loved him with all your heart, and the fact that this man who had perished right before your eyes was now just a hazy figure in your mind didn’t sit well with you. It frightened you a great deal, and you needed answers as to why and how it happened.

"Ngunit bakit ito nangyayari sa akin?" you pressed, your voice trembling with a mixture of fear and frustration. "Bakit hindi ko maalala ang kanyang wangis, Mayari?"

But why is this happening to me? Why do I forget his face, Mayari?

The moon goddess hesitated for a moment, her silvery eyes clouded with a sadness you couldn't quite comprehend. "Ikinalulungkot kong ang mga nangyayari sa iyo ay dulot ng pakikipagtulungan mo sa mga diwatang pinaglilingkuran ng iyong namayapang asawa," she finally spoke, her voice carrying a weight that seemed to pull at the very fabric of reality. "Hindi mo ito natatandaan, ngunit isang mintala ang iginawad sa iyo ng diwatang si Set bilang kaparusahan sa iyong pagiging tapat kina Darius, Anubis at sa Ennead”

I’m afraid what’s happening to you is a consequence of you and your late husband’s alignment with Anubis and the Ennead, my dear. You do not remember it, but the god Set has cursed you as punishment for your choices.

Your heart sank at her words. Set, the god of chaos and disorder, was known for his ruthless punishments. You had been warned by Mayari of the dangers of dabbling in the affairs of the gods, but your love for Darius had driven you to help him in joining Anubis’s cause to prevent Set’s destruction from wreaking havoc on Earth. And now, it seemed, you were paying the price.

"Ginawa ito ni Set sa akin?" you whispered, feeling a chill run down your spine. "Anong klaseng mintala ito, Mayari? Ang makalimutan ang wangis ng lalaking aking pinakamamahal?!"

Set did this to me? What kind of curse is this, Mayari? To forget the face of the one I love?!

Mayari's gaze remained steady, but her voice quivered ever so slightly as she replied, "Isang makapangyarihang mintala na nagbubura sa iyong isipan ng wangis ng iyong pinakamamahal, at nag-iiwan ng isang huwad na alaala na hindi maipaliwanag. Isang mapaghiganting diwata si Set, at pinaparusahan niya ang kahit sinong umaanib sa kanyang mga kaaway."

It is a curse that erases the memory of your beloved's facade, leaving only a void in its place. Set is a vengeful god, and he does not take kindly to those who align themselves with his enemies.

Tears welled up in your eyes, and you turned away, unable to bear the weight of your own grief and despair. "Hindi ito maaaring mangyari," you muttered, your voice choked with emotion. "Pakiusap, Mayari, kailangang may gawin tayo."

I cannot let this happen. We must do something, Mayari, please.

Mayari's hand reached out to touch your shoulder, her touch gentle and comforting. "Narito ako para sa’yo, aking anak," she said softly. "Gagawa tayo ng paraan upang alisin ang mintalang iginawad sa’yo, ipinapangako ko iyan. Hindi kita pababayaan na mag-isa sa iyong pagdurusa"

I am here for you, my child. We will find a way to break this curse, I promise you. Until then, know that you are not alone in your suffering.

You nodded and accepted her answer, grateful for her support, though a lingering doubt gnawed at the edges of your mind. Something in Mayari's words, in the tremor of her voice, had struck you as odd. But you chose not to press further, not wanting to burden her with your doubts.

With a final reverent bow, you turned away from the moon goddess as she vanished from the study. The night had been eventful, but your duties as the avatar of Mayari were far from over. As you left the study and descended the grand staircase, the moon's silvery light bathed your path, and the mysteries of your past remained shrouded in darkness.

You made your way to your sanctuary in the master’s bedroom, magically shedding your ancient head priestess robes on the way in favor of the modern clothes you previously wore that night. As you lay in bed, the image of Darius Carter slipped further from your grasp, and tears welled in your eyes as you missed his presence the most. The weight of the curse bore down on you, but you were determined to undo Set’s punishment on you and avenge Darius’s death at his hands.

Outside, the moon bathed the world in its gentle light, a silent witness to the secrets and sacrifices of those who served the gods. And in the stillness of the night, you closed your eyes, bracing yourself for the challenges that awaited you in the days to come.

Meanwhile, as the chill of the London night embraced him, Steven Grant made his way through the bustling streets of the city. His thoughts were consumed by the delightful evening he had just experienced, still basking in the warmth of your company. He had just returned to his modest flat in London, a cozy haven amidst the cacophony of the city. It had been a night of revelatory conversation and shared laughter, all with the one person who had become a source of intrigue and affection in his life.

He couldn't help but gush to Marc about how the dinner went as they settled into the familiar rhythm of their shared existence.

"Marc, you wouldn't believe it," Steven exclaimed, a dreamy smile on his face. "Tonight has got to be the best night of my life ever"

Tell me about it. Marc’s voice echoed in Steven’s head, his voice slightly groggy as if he just awoke from his slumber in their shared headspace.

"It was splendid, mate," Steven enthused, stepping into the comfortable living room of their flat as his eyes met Marc Spector’s reflection in the nearby mirror. "Mira and I talked about almost everything under the sun - the history of Ancient Egypt, and even about her home country. She’s been an absolute delight."

Sounds like you had a fantastic time. Marc replied in his head with a hint of a smile, quietly listening to Steven's effusive commentary on their dinner companion. Despite being more reserved, cautious and always considering the potential consequences of their actions, Marc couldn't help but feel genuinely happy for Steven. Try as he might, he couldn't deny the genuine connection that had been forming between the two of you.

“I really did”, Steven said happily as he slowly changed into his indoor clothes. “She showed me the mockup of her upcoming exhibit, me! I mean, she must have shown it to all the tour guide applicants since it was a part of her evaluation, but still. And she has some really nice feedback from the guided tour I gave, even though I almost fainted…”

Marc listened intently to Steven rambling, appreciating the genuine happiness that radiated from him. It warmed him to know that his headmate’s budding relationship with you was flourishing. However, as Steven continued to gush about you, Marc's thoughts drifted toward the inevitable discussion that had been looming over them for some time.

That sounds wonderful, Steven. Marc replied, his voice tinged with a hint of approval. I'm glad you and Mira are becoming fast friends.

Steven's enthusiasm was contagious, and he seized the opportunity to broach a subject that had been on his mind for a while now.

"You know, Marc," Steven began cautiously, "I can feel how strongly you're drawn to her, and she seems to feel the same way about you. We can't keep avoiding this conversation forever."

Marc sighed, running a hand through his unruly hair as he knew this conversation between him and Steven was inevitable. He had always been more guarded as their shared existence had always been a complex circumstance that not many people can understand.

I know, Steven. Marc conceded, his voice tinged with frustration. But you know how I feel about this. I can't just bring her into our mess. What if she can't handle it? What if she leaves?

"You're selling her short, mate”, Steven shook his head in mild frustration, his British accent accentuating his exasperation. “She's shown nothing but kindness and understanding to us both, separately. You can't keep her at arm's length forever, I mean. Life's too short for regrets, and you should know that"

Feeling conflicted, Marc decided to avoid pursuing the topic altogether. He and Steven finally changed gears, allowing Marc to be on the driver’s seat of their shared body. Glancing at their shared desk, Marc noticed your calling card neatly placed there. It had been a parting gift from your delightful time together on the plane back to London, and after Steven already used it for his benefit, Marc had been unsure of what to do with it next.

It had been a simple and innocent gesture on his end, inviting you to meet for coffee on Sunday. But with his conflicting feelings currently in the forefront, Marc simply cannot deal with seeing you again right now.

“I can’t do this”, Marc muttered, picking up the card and studying it for a moment. “I can’t meet her tomorrow.”

Why? She must be looking forward to it. Steven's eyebrows shot up in surprise from his reflection in the desk. Mate, don’t do this, you’re being very dramatic.

Ignoring Steven's protest, Marc’s fingers poised over his keypad. Briefly saving your phone number in his contacts, he then swiftly typed out a text message to cancel your plans for tomorrow. He pressed send on the message, and a small sense of accomplishment washed over him. The message was simple enough, but it carried the weight of Marc's internal struggle.

Hey, Marc Spector here. I’m really sorry to do this, but something urgent came up for me and Steven tomorrow. Rain check on our coffee lunch?

You really are a nutter, Marc. Steven sighed, shaking his head in disbelief as he retreated into the depths of their shared consciousness. You can't live your life in fear like this - give it a chance. Give her a chance.

Feeling the weight of his alter's words, Marc sat there for a moment as he allowed himself a moment of reflection. His heart then raced with a mix of anticipation and anxiety, briefly second guessing his earlier actions. What had he just done? Had he been too ahead of himself and painstakingly obvious for pushing you away?

Of course, Marc, I hope it’s nothing too serious. We can definitely reschedule, just let me know. It's no problem at all.

Your reply loomed over his screen, prompting Steven’s words about your true depth of understanding to circle his inner thoughts once more. Marc couldn't help but give what his head mate said some thought: maybe he had been too cautious, too guarded.

He could no longer deny his growing feelings towards you, and perhaps there will come a time when he can finally let you in. To let you see the complexity of his existence. After all, he had already taken a huge step toward bridging the gap between his two selves.

And perhaps, just perhaps, you would be willing to meet him halfway.

The sun painted the London skyline with hues of gold and pink, heralding a new day for Marc Spector and Steven Grant. As the day's first light streamed through the window of their modest London flat, Marc awoke, the muddled memories of the previous night's recurring vivid dreams lingering in his mind.

He stretched, his muscles protesting the slumber's grip, and sat up in bed. In contrast to the Chicago life he once knew, London had become his new home, thanks to Steven. His British alter had embraced this city as his own, and Marc had slowly come to terms with that. Sometimes, he even found solace in the bustling streets and the gentle cadence of British life.

With a sigh, Marc swung his legs over the side of the bed and rubbed his temples. Today, he decided to venture out to the nearby Tesco's to buy groceries for both him and Steven. It was a routine task that allowed him to have some semblance of normalcy amidst the chaos of their unique existence.

As Marc strolled down the aisles of the supermarket, a sense of calm serenity washed over him. He felt in control, disconnected from the relentless turmoil of his mind. He picked up a few boxes of Twining’s, his hand momentarily steadying as he remembered that it was Steven's favorite.

But fate had something else in store. As Marc turned a corner, his heart leaped into his throat, and he felt as if the ground had been ripped from beneath him. There, standing in the fruit section, was you, dressed in a casual, cream-colored Sunday dress, your hair arranged in a messy bun. You were engrossed in selecting quality fruit, your laughter filling the air as you discussed your shopping choices with another young woman who he suspected to be your secretary. William “Bill” Jones on the other hand, the middle-aged man Marc had been introduced to not long ago, was on your other side, observing the girl banter before him with a polite smile.

Panic surged through Marc as he ducked behind a shelf of canned goods. He watched you from afar, hidden in the shadows as his heart pounded in his chest. It was as if the universe had conspired to bring him face to face with you once more, against his wishes. What were you doing here? Why was fate so intent on entwining your lives?

Steven, lurking in the corners of Marc's consciousness, was equally bewildered and frustrated by this unexpected encounter.

Marc, mate, we need to get out of here. He muttered urgently, remembering Marc’s not so good alibi on today’s canceled coffee lunch. This is not looking good for us.

But Marc couldn't tear his eyes away from you. He was drawn to you like a moth to a flame, unable to resist the magnetic pull of your presence. With a reluctant sigh, he murmured back to Steven, "Just a few more minutes. I need to see what they're doing."

As you continued your shopping, oblivious to Marc's hidden presence, he discreetly trailed you like a silent specter. His military training and mercenary instincts had honed his ability to remain unseen, a skill that now served him well in this clandestine pursuit. The tightrope he walked between curiosity and caution threatened to snap at any moment.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, you and your companions checked out with a massive amount of shopping bags before heading for the exit. Marc hurriedly paid for his groceries and followed you from a distance out onto the bustling streets of London. His heart pounded in his chest as he kept a safe distance, careful not to alert you or anyone else to his presence.

To Marc's astonishment, you led them to a place he hadn't expected: St. Mungo's, a homeless shelter that he and Steven had heard of but never visited. They collectively watched from a discreet vantage point outside the window as you walked inside with a radiant smile on your face. Bill and the other young woman followed, their expressions mirroring your own.

From the shadows, Marc and Steven observed the scene unfolding before them. You greeted everyone in the shelter with genuine warmth and kindness, your happiness infectious. It was as if a ray of sunshine had descended upon the homeless souls gathered there, dispelling the darkness that clung to their lives.

As you began distributing the numerous shopping bags filled with groceries, both Marc and Steven felt an unfamiliar tug at their hearts. It wasn't just attraction or curiosity anymore; it was something deeper, more profound. Your selflessness and compassion resonated with them in a way they hadn't anticipated.

"Steven, do you see this?” Marc was the first to break the silence, his voice barely above a whisper. “She's… she's incredible. The way she cares for those people."

Aye, mate, she’s a literal ball of sunshine. Steven, too, was moved by the scene before them. It’d be hard not to fall for her after seeing this.

Marc nodded, his eyes never leaving you. Their shared realization hung in the air, binding them together in a newfound purpose. As you continued your acts of charity inside St. Mungo's, Marc and Steven knew that their lives had taken an unexpected turn. They were no longer mere observers; they were drawn into the orbit of someone who had touched their souls in ways they couldn't explain.

It was a revelation that left Marc both awestruck and conflicted, unsure of how to navigate the intricate web of emotions that had entwined his and Steven's lives with yours. As he continued to watch you from the shadows, Marc could no longer deny the undeniable truth.

He was falling for you, and there was no turning back.

END OF CHAPTER NINE.

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firefly--bright · 1 year

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laal ishq.

[English - red love. ]

a blooming hearts extra!

jean kirstein x gender neutral!reader

inspired by this song and the new episode. scroll to the end for the symbolisms ;)

warnings : heavy angst, grief, violence and gunshots/wounds. (should be expected at this point) new episode/manga spoilers!!!! i haven't watched the new ep yet (I'm not ready) so it's more based on the manga chapter 132 so read at your own risk!

a/n: i love this song so much it's a Hindi/Bollywood song (back when Bollywood made actually good songs) and i listened to this so much and there's so much symbolism in it that i had to write something angsty :) anyway! i also have exams coming up in like a week so this might be the last fic i post for a while. enjoy!

taglist : @mrsnobodynobody , @a10vely-yutazen .

✿ main masterlist is in pinned navigation! ✿ enter my taglist ✿ fic playlist ✿ fic pinterest board ✿ comments/reblogs/likes are deeply appreciated!! ✿

you heard the gunshot far before you felt it; the final bell. you wondered if all the authors of the books you'd read as a cadet - the ones where the main character gets tragically shot or stabbed only to be healed again inexplicably - had ever been here before. had ever felt death like this, face to face.

death, shockingly, didn't grin menacingly at you like you thought it would. it didn't look over you (not any less than it already had been since the moment you'd joined the scouts), making you feel small and guilty and regretful.

this death; the one you faced with your eyes blown wide and a diminishing heartbeat, felt more like an embrace. in a flash, you caught dark brown eyes and a freckled face looking at you with the same look you've seen a hundred times before. in a flash, a picture of a brown haired girl with her mouth opened wide as if she were about to say something came before you.

it went away before you could grasp it.

but the pain, the blinding hot sensation aimed right at your heart, felt like it would last for eternity. the shape the bullet had cut out might have been a small fracture but it felt like the widest puncture, straight through the organs you had memorized the names of during your cadet days. the inside of your body lined itself up with flames even if you weren't on fire.

is this how sasha felt? her forever smiling face and warm touches did not deserve this pain, you thought. then again, none of your friends did.

in a foolish way, you were glad it was you and none of the others that were left. they were far too important for that. they would have much more of an impact than you would.

the blood dyed your shirt and in a moment of desperation, your hands clambered up to your chest to stop the wound from bleeding out. it was stupid to think that your feeble hands could help this, but you had to try.

(for him.)

you shuddered out a breath, your vision was getting cloudy. you didn't know how you were still standing up-right. you couldn't feel your legs or the way your knees stumbled or the way your hands shook fervently. spots appeared in the corner of your eyes as you looked around, trying to say something.

what would you say? what could you say?

when you've been running away from death for so long, who were you to stop fate with simple words or even desperate pleadings?

your ears were ringing but you could still hear the shouts; your friends scattered across the port as the workers busied themselves trying to weld the fuel tank shut. floch was in a worse condition than you and you wondered if he was still speaking, even after all of this. you wondered if anyone was looking, if anyone noticed your state. even if they did, the sounds of the terrifying footsteps and the tremble of the ground kept them busy.

you whispered out "jean" the best you could without your soul giving out completely, your staggering voice getting lost with the shaking of the earth. barely feeling your knees buckle, you decided this was it.

you would give victory to the death that had chased you for a long time. the death that you pushed aside that day the walls fell, the death that you swung past the day you saved jean and armin from their own fate. countless times, you had fought the cold touch without even realising it's icy breath.

maybe the worst part was that you were still hoping. you had already strapped in your ODM gear like you had done so many times before, hoping this one would be the last time you'd have to resort to violence. you could almost laugh at that thought if it hadn't hurt so much to breathe. you were so fully prepared to fight, to resolve, to hope for better days ahead after all of this. maybe that was your flaw - no matter how much jean convinced you otherwise. it always had been, your head had always been elsewhere, dreaming of a better place while your body carried out its own fight.

you let out a sigh. there was no light that sasha told you about - one of the many tales her grandmother had narrated to her. there was nothing to follow, nowhere to go. you eyes fluttered shut when even the dimness became to bright for you to handle.

flochs incoherent babbling was almost inaudible and jean had to resort to reading his lips rather than try to hear anything. he felt like he was running out of time. hange said something about not being able to give up, and in all honesty, jean wanted to clog up his ears again and close his eyes to hope the same way you did. hope that eren would atleast listen and stop this, hope that after this you'd spend your days together, hope that one day, his friends would share a meal without thinking about war.

his hand wandered to it's left without even thinking, hoping to find yours to link itself with.

jeans brows furrowed when he felt nothing but cold air greet him.

you were right there, weren't you? on his left like you always had been?

he knew you couldn't be lost. you'd be too adamant to help out all the workers instead of view the rumbling from afar, away from all the shouting. you were never one for being lost in violent thoughts, always pushing yourself headfirst with any and all work you could get your hands on as a way of distracting yourself.

jean looked around infront of him, scanning the place. hange followed his confusion.

"where's poppy?" he asked, only to be met with a half-hearted shrugged from the leader.

"sir!" he heard someone shout, a terrified shriek following the sound.

jean stood before he could even think, head whipping around to find the sight.

a pool of blood surrounding a previously white shirt, and gear that could only belong to one of the nine wearing them. the hand his fingers were desperately searching for was now drenched in red.

jeans head whirred with questions. his heart felt like it was burning, a sensation that was new to him. his leg moved him before he could make sense of anything happening.

your struggled breaths met his ears with an ache, and something in his chest shook with so much force, he felt like he would collapse if it weren't for the heavy machinery clinging to his body.

it was only when the soles of his feet touched the blood that jean felt like he couldn't breathe.

a string of curses left his mouth before he could even stop it, and the years spent trying to be a good leader went into the drain as the strong, honest and passionate section commander collapsed next to his lover's body with a clambering breath and shaking hands.

he felt his knees as they hit the ground, the blood - your blood - staining through his pants.

he didn't care about the stains or the status or the stares of everyone around him. you were on the ground in the way that he only had nightmares about; nightmares that you woke him up from, comforting him until his fear subsided.

your eyes are almost closed, he notes, and he wants to slap himself when his brain thinks of how long you laid like this waiting for him.

he didn't waste another second scooping you gently into his arms. you groan weakly as his forearms flex, and he tried not to let the string of curses fall from his mouth. he was pretty sure he was uttering them anyway. he had a bad habit of cursing, a habit you laughed at whenever he did. he cursed incoherently after you first kissed him. he'd remember that laugh forever.

your head nestles in the crook of his arm as he holds on to you and the bitter hope he refuses to let go of. your eyelashes flutter, and he brings his hand up to your wound, cursing his palms as they shake with force.

"no, no, no, no, no, no. please. please." are all the words that can come out of his mouth as he touches his warm forehead against your cooling one.

"it's okay." they croaked out. "we'll meet again."

jean could hear their hope. their usual honeyed tones had lost their light but they still held on to that one last string of bright dreams.

and despite himself, jean smiles. he breathes out shakily onto their paling skin.

jean didn't know if their friends knew about this. jean didn't know if hange was alright, if their promise of protecting them was fulfilled till their last breath. all the loss that occurred in the matter of seconds made jean feel trapped inside a small box, one that only you could pull him out of.

your noses were touching. jean left a kiss to your mouth, fleeting but with all the love he had stored through the years. he adjusted your head so your lips could graze his chest one last time.

a promise, he hoped. his heart would find yours again and love it just the same if not more.

the last time he saw your face was one he refused to remember. he refused to remember your closed eyes and shuddered final breath and pale skin. your body was left on the ground with no real grave to mark it, no-one to remember your body except the years he spent memorizing it.

he was aware of Connie's crumbling presence as both of them boarded the flying boat. the actions jean made in order to get that machine flying were only half registered by his brain. the boat rattled as they sat in silence.

"where... where's (y/n)?" Armin asked. jean flinched for the first time in years.

his face was not tear stricken yet. as much as he wanted to, he could not collapse. no matter how hard his bones begged him to rest, his mind ran rampant and his heart refused to slow down.

the question, however, finally broke him.

his vision blurred as silent tears flowed down his cheeks. his chest felt like it was giving up, collapsing onto itself, and the rattling of the flying boat felt like mere background noise when he clamped his ears with his palms. the underside of his nails was caked in your blood and the thought itself make him shut his eyes tighter than before.

if his friends spoke, he didn't hear it. Mikasa and Connie's presence next to him felt overshadowed by his all consuming guilt.

he wasn't there. he didn't notice your fall before you touched the ground, hell, he wasn't even looking at you when floch shot everything in his blurring vision. jean should've been there, in your place. jean should have been there to spend atleast a few more moments with you.

were you with them now? marco, sasha, and all the other cadets you had befriended while jean stayed stuck in his ways as a teenager? did marco greet you with open arms and sasha greet you with a kiss on the cheek?

he tried to convince himself you were resting now, finally. he tried to tell himself that you were fine, that your friends and fallen comrades would embrace you into the afterlife. but he couldn't.

you were happiest with him, and selfishly, he wanted you here.

that's how it was supposed to be. you promised a large house uphill with two cats and your warm laughter, while he would read the sunday paper and drink his cooled down tea and eat his sugared toast. his mother would visit you on the longer weekends and you promised you'd learn all his favourite dishes - ones he knew you'd like too.

he had a plan. his future was built around you and for you.

what was he supposed to build his future around now? an empty apartment with the lack of a floral perfume in the air with no decor whatsoever? with no-one to make it a home?

Connie's hand rested on his back as jean clutched his head, resting his elbows on his knees.

he knew this was far from over but he craved so badly for it to be done with.

he heard something being spoken to him. Mikasas voice wavered when she spoke, something she had never done before. Armin lost hope before even knowing the answer to his previous question, and Connie's hand had never felt so distant. jean's own guilt outweighed even reiners, and Levi sat in his own silence as he witnessed the fall of two of the people that meant the most to him.

jean felt everything slip away from his grasp. he wished his mother had prepared him for this, but he knew all the training and learning in the world wouldn't stop him from feeling the way he was right now. he knew that even if he did know the outcome of your life, the way it ended right before his eyes, he'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.

he'd love you with all his unshakable might as he's loved you once before and maybe even lifetimes before this. maybe even universes beyond this cruel one.

his eyes opened with a start. his nightmares had been few and far in between, a rare occurence that his body no longer knew how to deal with.

his heart hammered in his chest as he clasped a hand over it, no longer bloodied, no longer as calloused or scarred. the soft weight on his shoulder made him look down in the dim of the night lamp in your shared room.

you laid there, eyes closed prettily, a little drool slipping past your lips. his breathing was still erratic, but you didn't seem to mind it much as you cuddled up to him. your arms wound around his chest, determined to engulf his frame with futile and sleepy efforts.

and despite himself, jean smiled.

you were alive. breathing and warm and clad in his shirt, alive. you didn't need to know about his nightmare, not until a couple days atleast, when it would slip out in conversation. you'd grow incredibly concerned, asking him to wake you up if it ever happened again so you could help him through it. he would shake his head, rolling his eyes and tell you not to baby him to which you'd respond with a slap to his arm.

for now, though, he pushed the thought of his nightmare aside. pressing a kiss to your forehead, he ducked down to kiss the tip of your nose as well.

your lips twitched in your sleep and jean smiled wider.

he finally gave in to the rest his bones so dearly craved.

he woke up the next day fully awake, to the scent of warm tea and sweet toast.

extra a/n! : okay so this song literally translates to what hues love is. it calls love anguished and flawed and i thought it would be very fitting for jean and poppy because after poppy's death, that's how jean felt about love. he thought it was futile, that even after all his efforts in the next life, it would result to the same outcome. the colour of love (laal - red) to me meant the colour of poppies and the blood staining them, and also the love that takes place in Jean's heart in the next universe - the one that he has stored only for you. there's a verse in the song where it basically states that the singer is contemplating whether to grab the moon and change the darkness of the night to the brightness of the day and he made his lover his enemy because he couldn't handle the love that he felt for them. (i haven't seen the movie from which the song is from but this is solely my interpretation) so i wanted to end it with a nightmare-ish sequence where jean wakes up and even if he used to hate nights after poppy died because the bed would be too empty, he loved the nights he spends with you now. the love runs too deep for him to ignore and be your enemy instead, so he (unlike the song) chooses to embrace it with you.

and then there's also a repetition where the singer just says "my name is love, your name is love" over and over again and i just think its what jean feels about you that you are love itself etc etc :)

hope you guys enjoyed this!!!!

#jean kirstein x reader #jean kirschstein x reader #jean kirstein #jean kirstein x you #aot #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan

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musicalabhishayari · 2 years

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10+ Best Shayari

Uski Haisiyat Ki Barabari Hum Kya Karte ‘Abhishek’,

Jiske Mehel Ki Ek Deewar Ke Saye Se,

Hamara Kaccha Makan Dhak Jata Ho.

Zindagi gawaye huye ho

‘Abhishek’ Aankho Se Intezar Ke,

Diye Jalaye Huye Ho,

Ye Ajeeb Si Kaisi Diwali Manaye Huye Ho,

Use Hoga Lautna To Aa Jayega,

Haal Sambhalo Apna,

Tum Maut Jee Rahe Ho,

Zindagi Gawaye Huye Ho.

Karu kya ‘Abhishek’

Usse Aage Nikla To Har Jaunga,

Peeche Raha To Mar Jaunga,

Sath Wo Chalta Nahi To Karu Kya ‘Abhishek’.

Read More: Musical Abhi

Nafratein lakh mili par

Nafratein Lakh Mili Par,

Kisi Ki Mohabbat Na Mili,

Zindagi Beet Gayi,

Magar Rahat Na Mili,

Teri Mehfil Me Har Ek Ko Hasta Dekha ‘Abhishek’,

Ek Mein Hi Tha Jise Hasne Ki Ijazat Na Mili.

Tere khusiyo ki khasti mere

Tere Khusiyo Ki Khasti Mere,

Aansuo Ki Neher Pe Chalti Hai ‘Abhishek’,

Ab Tu Dost Man Ya Dushman,

Tujhe Meri Lambhi Umar Ki To Dua Karni Padegi.

Mohabbat ki bandook se

Lautaal Diye Uske Tohfe Use,

Nikal Ke Sandook Se,

Ab Aur Nahi Bas,

Bahut Maar Liya Usne ‘Abhishek’,

Mohabbat Ki Bandook Se.

Hawa ke jhoke ne

Meri Kahani Ek Paid Ke,

Patto Pe Likhi Jaisi Thi,

‘Abhishek’ Kisi Hawa Ke Jhoke Ne,

Zindagi Bikher Di.

Read More: Musical Abhi

Uda dete hai

Parindo Ko Bhi Ghar Se,

Uda Dete H Log ‘Abhishek’,

Waham Chod De Tujhe Koi,

Palko Pe Bithayega.

Janaza uthao aur le chalo

Janaza Uthao Aur Le Chalo Mujhe Yaaro,

Bhut Hua Intezar,

Aane Wale Door Se Aa Gaye ‘Abhishek’,

Wo Pichli Gali Se Na Aaya.

Parindo ko azaad karde

Parindo Ko Azaad Karde ‘Abhishek’ Inke Apne Hai,

Har Koi Teri Tarah Akela Nhi Hota,

Waqt Rehte Nikal Aa Is Galatfemi Se,

Qaid Karne Se Kabhi Koi Apna Nhi Hota.

Zara sa qatra

Jaise Zara Sa Qatra,

Tair Jata Hai Pani Mein ‘Abhishek’,

Gar Itna Bhi Pyar Hota,

Uske Dil Mein, To Laut Aata.

Rooh ko jalan huyi

Rooh Ko Jalan Huyi Jab Tujhe,

Kisi Aur Ke Sath Dekha ‘Abhishek’,

Tu Bata Khud Ko,

Jhooti Tasaslli Kya Dete.

Read More: Musical Abhi

Janne ke baad

Bas Ek Pal,

Ek Pal Jab Usne,

Thehar Ke Mujhse Baat Ki ‘Abhishek’,

Kya Roya Tha Wo,

Mujhe Kareeb Se Janne Ke Baad.

Uski talash khatm huyi

Shukr Hai Uski Talash Khatm Huyi ‘Abhishek’,

Ye Naya Tareeka Mujhe Rulane Ka,

Badi Mushkil Se Mila Hai Use.

Log bhi wah wah kar dege

Shayari Ke Hawale Se Mujhe,

Kehne Bhi Do ‘Abhishek’,

Log Bhi Wah Wah Kar Dege,

Mera Dil Bhi Halka Ho Jayega.

Ashq aankho mein liye

Ashq Aankho Mein Liye,

Use Chohdte Chale Aaye ‘Abhishek’,

Ye Majbooriyan Jo Karale So Kam Hai.

Mulakat ki talab hoti

Masroof To Khair Sabhi Hai ‘Abhishek’,

Waqt Nikal Ke Aa Jata Wo Agar,

Use Mulakat Ki Talab Hoti.

Hum is khushfemi mein

Ta-Umr Na Soye Hum Is Khushfemi Mein,

Bichad Ke Humse Wo Kahi Raato Ko,

Rota Hua,

Jagta Na Ho.

Ek uske bina ab dil lagta nahi

Ek Uske Bina Ab Dil Lagta Nahi,

Wo Jo Kehti Thi Tum Mera Dil Ho,

Bada Asan Sa Safar Tha,

Mushkil Raho Mein Bhi Sath Uske,

Jaise Hunar Zinadgi Ke Hume Sare Hasil Ho,

Kitne Imtehan Aur Hoge,

Chubti In Saanso Ko Rokne Mein,

Ab To Yun Hai Uske Na Huye ‘Abhishek’ To Kisi Shakhs Ke Na Huye,,

Intezar Hai Bas,

Kab Hum Maut Ke Kabil Ho.

Wo aaye nahi

Suna Tha Kal Wo,

Apne Sabhi Dosto Se Milne Aaye,

Ghar To Mera Bhi Wahi Tha,

Wo Aaye Nahi.

Read More: Musical Abhi

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koishua · 2 years

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hi vienna!! <33 i hope you’re well!! could you please do amber and purple for the ask game? i hope you have a great day/night!! 💗

amber: favorite poem?

i don't have much i like written in english bc they just feel so bland compared to those i have read of persian or turkish or arabic or urdu or hindi poems (really im realising that i was never exposed to western poetry as a child lol) but i do love "still i rise" by maya angelou! i read a collection of her poetry once a while ago and her words are just beautiful.

"biliyorum sana giden" by cemal süreyya is one of my absolute favourites :') i wish i could give you a proper translation of it it's just so </3 "utansın" by necip fazıl kısakürek is another one of the classics that i adore with my entire being :( he also wrote this one short line that had me gutted for an entire day when i read it called "affet", which translates to "forgive (me)" and it's so, so heartbreaking to me.

"acılara tutunmak" by hasan hüseyin korkmazgil is heart-wrenching as well and i think about it all the time as well ;-; "seni saklayacağım" by özdemir asaf?? gorgeous and disgustingly beautiful.

some noteworthy lines from those that make me feel my feels:

biliyorum sana giden yollar kapalı/ üstelik sen de hiç bir zaman sevmedin beni (biliyorum sana giden)

roughly trans. "i know, the roads leading to you are all closed / and that you never even loved me in the first place"

ölümden ilerde varış dediğin, geride ne varsa bırak utansın (utansın)

roughly trans. "what you called arrival is ahead of death, let what remains back be ashamed"

göz kaptırdığım renkten, kulak verdiğim sesten, affet senden habersiz aldığım her nefesten... (affet)

roughly trans. "for the colours i have seen, for the sounds i have heard, forgive me for each breath i took without your knowing..."

sonra, sen de ölünce kavanozuma gelirsin. ve orada beraber yaşarız / külümün içinde külün, ta ki bir savruk gelin / yahut vefasız bir torun / bizi oradan atana kadar... [...] vazgeçtim toprak olmaktan, vazgeçtim çiçek olmaktan / senin yanında kalabilmek için (ben senden önce ölmek isterim)

roughly trans. "later, when you also die, you'll come to my jar. and we'll live there together your ash in my ash, until a careless bride or an unfaithful grandson throws us out of there... [...] i renounced from being part of the earth, i renounced from being a flower to be able to stay with you."

seni saklayacağım inan / yazdıklarımda, çizdiklerimde, şarkılarımda, sözlerimde. / sen kalacaksın kimse bilmeyecek / ve kimseler görmeyecek seni, yaşayacaksın gözlerimde (seni saklayacağım)

roughly trans. "i'll hide you, believe me / in my writings, my drawings, my words. / you'll stay, nobody will know / and nobody will see you. you'll live in my eyes."

acı çekmek özgürlükse / özgürdük ikimiz de (acılara tutunmak)

roughly trans. "should suffering mean freedom / we were free, both of us"

these poets have such incredible and heart-stopping way with words and i simply cannot even begin to express how touching all of these are when you truly understand the language :')

there's also this one poem from shahryar that goes: no, she has not yet died, because i am still alive / she is alive in my sorrow, my poem and my fantasy / whatever poetic heritage i have is hers / can the center of love and beauty be ever silenced / and that sweet woman die – she, who bore shahriyar? / “never will die the ones whose heart is alive with love.” and that ish breaks me on a regular basis ;-; i still feel so disappointed sometimes bc i will never get to experience his poems in their original language bc i know that some things just CANT be translated or else they will lose their magic ;-;

purple: what makes you nostalgic?

there is this tree on my way back home that i walk by and it has a very distinct smell that catapults me back to the school i went to during my first and second grade and it sucker punched me in the gut when i first smelled it :') it's mind boggling how smells are so closely related to memories </3 marina diamandis' music also throws me back in time and i always reminisce upon my childhood and the time i spent with my best friend ;-; also pictures oml last time i went on a Google earth deep dive and almost broke down crying bc i saw the old cities i lived in and my old houses and the apartments we used to stay in ;-; it was so wild

color ask game.

#ask games !!#oml this was so long im sorry but i just HAD to get those poems out of my system #they're just so good ;-;

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