#I also learned recently that the entire ''family'' down there thought I was a ''difficult kid''

[shinkei-shinto]

this one requires a little bit of context:

so I make faces when I taste things. I've wondered if I have the "supertaster" thing, but an ex verbally berated me about that so I've stopped claiming it, plus I think there's something else going on.

anyways, I make faces when I taste things. as long as it's strong in taste (alcohol always does it, most fruits do it) my face will screw up and be weird -- so much so, that a friend in college specifically stole me away to feed me a shot of absinthe and record my face contorting over it, once.

And, of course, I've always done this - ever since I was aware of awareness, anyways, which means I did this as a little kid. And I think lots of little kids probably do this! These flavors are new and intense in strange ways! I bet kids make faces even when they eat something they like, much less a new thing with a strong flavor.

So now, the not-normal-story part:

I've never had a meatball. Before college, I had never had oranges, grapes, I've still never had an enchilada (grew up in Texas, hello!) there are so many things that I've only gotten to try as an adult,

because my mother didn't believe in little kids, I guess?

I made faces as a kid, too. For everything. I'd try something and my face would screw up, and she would instantly declare, out loud, while taking away whatever I had tried, "oh, [they're] picky, [they] won't eat this!"

Didn't matter what it was, didn't matter how I felt about it, didn't matter what I said afterwards, didn't matter if I could later "prove" I "liked it" by eating more elsewhere. Once she had Decided that I was "too picky" and "didn't like it", that was it! I was never allowed to even try that foodstuff ever again.

Oh, except for things she thought her children should eat. "Try two bites" every single time she put asparagus on the table. "Two bites! Your tastebuds change!" every single time there were brussel sprouts. I ate the fuck out of peas, green beans, broccoli, btw. It wasn't a greens issue.

Eventually, I grew up, and while I now get to try things on my own, I've also discovered other things that came of this horrible treatment of children: I can't handle spice. Like, at all. I used to be able to tell when pepper had been added into a dish because that would cause it to be "too spicy" for me. Regular black pepper! I used to cut the edges off of nice steaks bc the pepper crust was too much for me! It has taken years for me to get to the point where I can have pepper and a couple of other spices inside of food without my mouth registering them as "spicy". Years of slowly raising my tolerance and trying things every single opportunity I get.

So today, as I was walking through my kitchen, getting my breakfast, and I saw the jar of four-cheese red pasta sauce my partner and I picked up from a grocery store to have with pasta at some point, I realized:

I've never had a meatball. While my whole family was eating homemade meatballs, red sauce, and spaghetti every single sunday, I sat there, having nothing but plain - unbuttered! - pasta.

If any of this sounds familiar in any way, congratulations: you were abused! I'm sorry to be the bearer of this news, but there's good news too!

Now that I'm an adult, I get to try everything. I have experiences as an adult that I've never had before in my life. Do you know how incredible it is to taste a fruit for the first time while in full control of my faculties? To have the ability to try things, to spit them out without judgement if I need to, and to discover that things actually taste good! There are things out there that I have NEVER even thought about, that I never had the chance to try as a kid, and now I get to try it as an adult, and that means I can buy as much of that stuff as I want. Ha!

#text post #abuse tw / #not normal stories #important to know that not once ever did my mother compensate or accomodate me #I ate my plain pasta and frankly I was happy with it #because at least she wasn't shoving brussel sprouts down my throat #I also learned recently that the entire ''family'' down there thought I was a ''difficult kid'' #so if any of this sounds familiar! especially if ALL of it does! #get ye to therapy! #I've been in for years and years and yEARS and it has done nothing but help me #this is also a weird form of abuse so I wanted to talk about it out loud #in hopes maybe it helps someone else realize how not-normal this is

[geekywritings]

“I didn’t expect you.”

You didn’t think I was done with Cal x reader fluff, did you?

Cal and reader have been traveling together for quite a while, but Cal struggles to sort his feelings. Until now.

____________________

The only life Cal Kestis had known for the longest time was the one dictated by the Jedi Order. His entire path in life had appeared so certain back then. Training at the Temple, further learning as a Padawan, the trials and finally serving as a Jedi Knight in his own right before taking on his own apprentice.

Only half of that had come to fruition. Long before he even started thinking about the trials, everything he had ever known was burned to ashes. His past, his present and his future.

He had to forge a new one for himself. Something, the temple had never prepared him for…

Lost, in hiding and scared, the young survivor had to learn the hard way how many lessons he had been missing. How little the Jedi life was connected to that of normal individuals in the galaxy.

He had managed somehow, making the best of his dire situation and finding ways to stay alive and out of sight. Unfortunately, this wasn’t any way to live. Not for a Jedi. Not for someone like Cal, with his strong sense of justice and desperate need for a purpose in life.

Cere and Greeze had been lifesavers in more ways than one. They had saved him from certain death at the hands of Trilla, but also from a far more painful and slow decay of his spirit.

He was fighting again, to rebuild the order, to protect innocents and to destroy the Empire. And with each fight and every ally he won, Cal’s confidence grew. He had begun learning new lessons, taking him further and further away from the Order and every rule he had ever lived by.

And then you had appeared, while he was on an errand run for Greeze on a small, desolate moon in the Outer-Rim.

You had literally dropped from the sky, right into his arms, the Jedi catching you purely on instinct. What a vision you had been! Dressed in a light blue dress, your hair braided and adorned with little trinkets that matched your necklace, earrings and bracelets.

He hadn’t realized it at that moment, but you had been a bride on the run.

“Help me.”

The first words you had ever spoken to him, as the calls of your family members and destined groom boomed from the building above.

“Please.”

All Cal had been able to do was nod, placing your feet on the ground and grabbing your hand instead, as he navigated you through the crowd and back to the Mantis. No questions asked, he had simply offered the help you had asked for.

That had been three or four years ago, and all memory of the forced marriage had already paled in your memory. Instead, your mind was mostly filled with thoughts of him. Your saviour. Your friend. Your comrade on the battlefield. The man you had grown to care for.

What you didn’t know: Cal’s thoughts also hadn’t stopped gravitating around you since that day.

From your sudden first appearance until now, you kept surprising him at every turn. You turned out to be an excellent fighter, using a staff almost as confidently as he wielded his lightsaber. You also shared his interest in tinkering, constantly finding ways to improve or fix something around the Mantis. What was most surprising was your personality, however: So positive, so joyful, so full of energy.

The Jedi could be having the worst of days, but one smile or joke from you and he’d find his mood lifting. One touch from your hand and he was willing to face Vader himself. Cal was feeling things around you he had never experienced before… and he knew right away that this was the thing the Jedi Temple had forbidden. This kind of all-consuming attachment, undying loyalty and sheer attraction would have him drop everything for you in a heartbeat. And it didn’t even feel wrong.

Recently, it had started to weigh on his mind more and more, as he found it increasingly difficult to push his feelings down. He cared for you. Loved you. Desired you.

Theoretically, there was nothing that stopped him from just giving in… apart from that tiny voice in the back of his mind, resembling that of his Master far too much. It reminded him of the Code, the vow he had made to follow it, to always be a good student and never disappoint his teacher.

“Look what I found!”, your happy voice tore him right out of another round of debating with his conscience and he turned to look at your beaming smile as you held up some spare part he couldn’t identify at first glance.

“You said you wanted an upgrade for BD, so he could protect himself more.”, you clarified. “It’s a tiny electro shocker. I didn’t even know they came that small.” The excitement was radiating from you like the sun, and Cal found it impossible not to smile at least a little, as he took the part from you for a closer look.

“That’s great.”, he said, but the tone in his voice had your joy falter.

“What’s wrong?”, you asked.

“Nothing…. Just thinking.”, he replied, unable to lie to you.

“What about?” You could be incredibly pushy and persistent and Cal contemplated whether he could talk himself out of this one. In the end, he concluded that he could not.

“About the Jedi Order. The code and… how I can still honor it.”

While he spoke, you had hopped onto the table he was sitting at, staring at him with a serious expression. You had known little about Jedi before meeting Cal and even now, your understanding of them felt patchy. Mostly, because you found yourself disagreeing with a lot of the things Cal had told you about.

“You are honoring it by continuing to fight what the Order stood for.”, you eventually shared your honest thoughts with him. “Peace. Balance. Justice.” Those were the things you did respect about the fallen order.

“But times have changed. The rules have changed, if you want to compare it to a game.”, you eventually continued when Cal didn’t say anything. “You adapted to stay alive while staying true to yourself. That is commendable.”

How were you so good at this, he wondered. How were you so capable of taking his doubts and worries, picking them apart with just the right words?

Green eyes were staring at you as you argued about some of the Jedi rules being outdated and impossible to follow anyway.

“We are humans, you and I. We are meant to feel sad, happy, jealous, excited, joyous and all the other things.”, you concluded with a firm nod. “If we lock it all away, are we even really alive then?”

Coming from someone, who wore their heart on their sleeve, it was probably true. You were driven by emotion in almost all you did and so far, you had never regretted it.

Cal’s expression had changed during your talk, his shoulders relaxing and his lips twitching back into a smile. Ultimately, he even chuckled.

“I wasn’t joking!”, you said, lightly punching his shoulder.

“I’m not laughing at you.”, he assured you, catching your hand before you could land a second punch and holding it in his. “I’m just thinking how much you surprise me every day.”

Your confused blinking invited him to elaborate.

“I should see it coming by now, but I never do… I didn’t expect it. I didn’t expect you.”

His thumb was now gently stroking over your skin, keeping a hold of your hand in his.

“I always thought I’d be walking the Jedi path. Even after the Order disappeared… I wanted to force that path back into existence… And then you showed up… and everything changed.”

He took a deep breath, eyes wandering from your joined hands to your face. Why had he hesitated for so long? Why had he kept his feelings bottled in? The old path was gone and no amount of fighting would bring it back. But he could walk a new one. With you.

“I think it’s time for me to take my life into my own hands… find my own destiny. Unrelated to the Order.” Still, he was dancing around it and although you knew what he was probably trying to get to, you didn't try and help him right away.

“I want to build a new life. With you.”, he finally said. “I wanted to for quite some time, but…”

You didn’t let him finish. Instead, you leaned down, capturing his lips with yours in a kiss you had been dying to give for months. Cal was so stunned, he couldn’t even return the gesture.

Slowly, you pulled away with a smile. “You are horrible at confessions, Cal.”, you told him. Your entire body was tingling pleasantly, your belly hot and your heart swelling with so much joy, it felt as if it would burst any second

“I love you too, you overthinking Jedi.”, you said, having no qualms about saying the words he had trouble finding.

Your own confession worked like a stim to Cal’s system and instantly he was up on his feet, standing before you and leaning in to kiss you. Whatever hesitation had been there before was gone all of a sudden, as his hands wove into your hair, keeping you locked to him as the kiss grew deeper.

You weren’t holding back either, giving in to every bit of passion you felt at that moment.

“If we get married, I hope you won’t jump out of the window like you did when we met, though.”, he spoke after you broke apart.

“Bad confession followed by a bad marriage proposal? We will have to work on that, Cal.”, you teased back and he chuckled before kissing you again. He would learn. He was ready for new things. As long as they were with you.

#cal kestis #cal kestis x yn #cal kestis x you #cal kestis x reader #jedi survivor

[kingsbride-moved]

But stand brave, life-liver, bleeding out your days in the river of time. Stand brave: time moves both ways,

in the nullifying, defeating, negating, repeating joy of life...

Elisabetta Mounteverde Dmitrou (also called Elisa) is my sona for Pentiment! More info below, though there's huge spoilers for the game </3 (art credits: photinus (TH), last two are by me)

As the game's story transpires over 25 years, Elisabetta's age changes alongside it. While she is introduced at 24, she is 49 by the end of the story. She's about 5'3, and was originally born within Ethiopia during the Solomonic dynasty. As her parents were both recent converts to the Catholic church, it was thought Elisa's blonde hair and green eye (singular) were a blessing from god. Soon after being born, she was taken to the Holy Roman Empire, and "adopted" by a Italian noble family. Seeing potential in her from a young age, Elisabetta's adoptive parents gave her all she needed for a proper education, and Elisa soon developed a deep love for art and poetry both...! She was also very aware that she was considered something of a "spectacle," something people would point at as proof of god's glory. She hated this, but felt powerless to do anything. As the years went on, she retreated into her world of literature and paintings, always wary of the intentions of others. When she was of age, her choices became either to marry or join a convent. Elisabetta choose marriage... but choose a man who ran a printing press and was a member of the guild. This was a way for her to have access to new books as they were being made, as well as connect with writers and artists from across all of the Holy Roman Empire. As she settled into being married, however, something unexpected occurred... when her husband decided to commission a portrait of himself and Elisabetta to celebrate their union, he asked Elisa's father for recommendations on a painter. He recommended the son of Josef Maler, a long-time family friend, who had recently become a master artist. And so, the Dmitrous would become the first official clients of Andreas Maler in his new role as master. Even though it was supposed to be a painting of both of them, Elisa's husband was away more often than not, which of course slowed Andreas down </3 but it wasn't such a terrible thing, however, as he found Mrs. Dmitrou to be much more interesting... and Elisabetta found herself warming up to him in a way that she didn't often do with people. It didn't take long for the feelings between them to become romantic in nature, but with both of them being in (complicated!) marriages, they couldn't do much about it. Despite this, even after the portrait was finally finished, they kept in contact thru the post for the next 7 years... one day, however... the letters from Andreas stop coming.

(It is believed that Andreas Maler died during the fire of the Kiersau abbey, trying to save what he could of the library's books. in a way this is true; he withdrew from the living entirely. Those who caught glimpses of him thought he was a ghost. But hiding away within the forest, or within the Roman ruins beneath Tassing, Andreas Maler was very much alive... and one day, some 19 years after the fire, and some years after her own husband passed, Elisabetta receives a letter.)

Umm sorry this is already long I just love writing about their soap opera ass story </3 anyways as for her personality, Elisabetta tends to come off as a bit cold. She's incredibly wary of other people, to the point where even so much as holding a conversation is difficult. Her being very suspicious and analytical is partly due to the natural curiosity she holds, though. She loves learning about the world, despite everything. She is also fairly headstrong, and tends to do things her own way despite how others may object. When she's older, she starts to be a bit more open. She craves warmth and kindness and wants to feel as if she's a part of a community. The people of Tassing are kind to her... (and they don't go ratting off about when Elisabetta sometimes spends the night at Andreas' home, despite the fact that such behavior is improper for an unwed couple)

Silly funfacts: ~ Despite having such a serious personality, she has a lot of love for fairytales. She wants to believe at least some aspects from them are truthful, even if it's silly. ~ She can sing fairly well, but is awfully shy about it. She's willing to sing during Christmas celebrations so long as she's not the only one doing it, though. ~ One of the first things she did upon arriving within Tassing was fix up the old guest house which was no longer in use after the abbey fire. ~ She loves cats, specifically white ones. It didn't take long for her to make friends with all the strays living within Tassing as well. ~ When Madga returns to Tassing from Prague alongside her friend Esther, they quickly make friends with Elisabetta, both curious about what such a fancy lady was suddenly doing there, and Madga was especially curious about the person who was now using her dad's old printing press. Elisabetta in turn treats Madga as something of a daughter. Elisabetta is also friends with Veronica, Brigita, Ursula, Anna, and Paul. She figured out that Veronica and Brigita were in a relationship in no time (but also quietly let them know she's had crushes on girls before, too, and that their secret would be safe with her). ~ Anna and Paul's children call her "Auntie Elisa" !

#[ and evermore amongst our mirth ] #[ s/i introduction ] #spousal death tw for this one her and andreas are a soap opera to me #or one of those books middle aged moms love with the handosme open shirt guy on horseback #oh religion tw as well! #.....i have more to do but i dont feel like it today ill do elda and auggie tomorrow #honey and eufrasia are still in development and probably wont get an intro post for a bit!

[zorasthoughts]

narratives in the a good girl's guide murder trilogy

i should be writing my dissertation, but instead i'm writing this. i was rereading good girl, bad blood recently and thinking about how narratives were a major theme in that book, but then i thought about it some more and i was like, oh, they're actually in all the books. they're everywhere. major spoilers for all three books under the cut.

a good girl's guide to murder: first of all, there's the fact that at the start of the first book, the first thing we read is that pip's project is supposedly going to investigate media narratives in missing persons cases, and we do get a look at different narratives, especially surrounding sal.

pip interviews max hastings and elliot ward, two people who try to discourage her investigation and promote the accepted narrative, but they do both acknowledge that it doesn't align with the sal that they knew. there's also stanely forbes, who pip calls out for being racist and vitriolic towards sal and his family in the news.

as well as the negative acounts though, there are more positive accounts from people about sal being friendly and kind. naomi ward knows that sal couldn't have been responsible for andie's death, and although she doesn't initially tell pip why, she entirely rejects the idea that he could be a killer. when nat da silva meets ravi, she tells him that she remembers sal offering to help her at lunch with schoolwork. when ravi asks pip why she's so invested in the project, she tells him her memories of sal, a big brother figure who taught her how to flip pancakes and let her and cara watch a 15 movie when they were 12, who scared off her bullies and gave her a kitkat to cheer her up. pip says that to her, sal was a hero. finally, at the end of the book, there's the moment when pip invites ravi on stage to talk about his brother, to rewrite the narrative.

on the flip side, we learn that andie didn't fit the golden-girl narrative that she was given. yes, she was pretty and popular, but she sold drugs, she was emotionally manipulative and mean to her closest friends and younger sister, and bullied classmates (nat). more on andie later.

good girl, bad blood: the beauty of the agggtm trilogy is the way the themes continue to develop with each book. narratives are everywhere in this book. pip releases a podcast about the andie/sal case because all the news and media outlets were reporting on it with certain angles, to fit their own narratives. we learn max hastings is on trial, and has been presenting himself in court with suits, handsome/messy hair, and glasses, and that his mother talked about him having leukemia as a child, to create a sympathetic narrative.

when jamie reynolds goes missing, pip does another season of the podcast to help connor and his family find him, but it proves difficult, and she gets accused of orchestrating the disappearance, since connor is one of her friends. by unfortunate coincidence, an article speculating about pip faking it all comes out around the time that max hastings is declared innocent, which doubles down on the idea that what pip is saying is not the truth.

we learn that what leads to jamie's disappearance is connected to "layla mead" and the narrative that jamie believed: that she was sick, had a controlling father, etc. and need his help.

now, the main thing that i'd been thinking about that started this whole post: charlie green, child brunswick, and pip. for charlie green, stanley forbes (child brunswick) caused his sister's death, broke up his family, is responsible for every hardship that befell him. for charlie green, stanley/child brunswick is a monster that's been haunting him since childhood.

pip, however, is able to see that stanley himself was also a child, who had been forced to do the things he did. charlie green can't see that though, and shoots stanley, causing a death that will haunt another young person for the rest of their life.

stanley was always a monster in the story of charlie's life, but in his quest for revenge, charlie became a monster in the story of pip's life.

at the funeral, pip tries to eulogise stanley, saying that he did his best to protect pip, even while his life was being threatened. she doesn't get to finish though, because a crowd of angry locals come by to protest against stanley's burial in little kilton, including people that had known and been friends with him. stanley's life (and, in this context i'm talking about the person who lived with the identity of stanley forbes, the guy who was trying to be better) is overshadowed by his death, and the revelation of his youth as child brunswick. in the aftermath, jamie comforts pip, sharing his own memories of stanley, who was scared after jamie attacked him, but tried to be kind anyway.

as good as dead: a tough time to be pippa fitz-amobi. the narratives are against her now: max is suing pip for libel after she made a post online that contradicts the jury and their ruling that max is innocent. people online, and in her town, have turned against her after the events of good girl, bad blood, specifically because of her sympathy towards the deceased stanley forbes. oh, and she has a stalker, except the police don't believe her: di hawkins chalks everything up to pip's trauma (and yes, she does have a shedload of trauma, but he dismissed her way too easily).

pip's research, which puts her on the trail of the dt killer, brings forth new revelations. she meets with harriet hunter, the younger sister of one of the dt killer's victims, who tells pip that she knew andie bell, and describes andie as being kind and sympathetic, and above all, a true friend. after their meeting, pip gets into andie's secret email account that andie used to contact harriet secretly, and we get to read her unsent email, which reveals that andie knew who the dt killer was, and how scared she was, and how much she was determined to protect becca. a far cry from the figure of the mean-girl bully that we had in the first book. (andie is a complex character, but i'm not getting into all of that here because this post is about narratives.)

after pip murders the dt killer (jason bell), she then masterminds her way out by creating alibis for herself and everyone who helps her. how? she reframes the narrative, of course. manipulates the time of death so that it seems later, so that at the supposed time of death, pip, ravi, and all their friends are out in public places, then plants a trail of fake evidence to frame max. when the news comes out about jason bell's murder, pip takes control of the narrative again by announcing that she's going to investigate it on her podcast (a podcast she started because she disappeared with other people's narratives), and nudging the police in the direction that she wants them to follow.

wow, this was long. i'd probably find even more to talk about if i left it long enough, but i'm going to wrap up here. will probably be making more, extremely long literary analysis posts about this series, because holly jackson is a genius and i will never be done talking about her.

#literary analysis #pippa fitz amobi #ravi singh #sal singh #andie bell #naomi ward #elliot ward #max hastings #cw cancer #jason bell #a good girls guide to murder #good girl bad blood #as good as dead #agggtm #ggbb #agad #a good girls guide to murder spoilers #good girl bad blood spoilers #as good as dead spoilers #holly jackson

[witchthewriter]

hi! I know you've been doing a lot of these recently but if you could do a birth chart for the marauders I would absolutely love that 💕 whenever you get the time ofc I know you're busy and you still put out a lot of content despite that so, props to you for that!!! 😊

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐭! (𝐏𝐥𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐁𝐓𝐈, 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐀𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐓𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐭 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝!)

I also have to give a lot of credit to @astrowitch.

𝑳𝒊𝒍𝒚 𝑬𝒗𝒂𝒏𝒔

𝐌𝐁𝐓𝐈

𝑬𝑵𝑭𝑱 | 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑃𝑟𝑜𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑠𝑡

Also known as the Mentor, ENFJs are insightful, empathetic, encouraging, and kind. Some other characters with this personality are Margaery Tyrell, Donna Paulsen, Queenie Goldstein, Mufasa, Elle Woods and Moana.

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

𝑵𝒆𝒖𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒍 𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅

People with this alignment believe in doing the right thing no matter what 'side' they're on. They help others because they have the desire to do so, not because the law or anyone else, tells them to do it. They know laws can be unjust, so they do not blindly follow them. Most protagonists have this alignment.

𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐓 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑬𝒎𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔

One of the Major Arcana Tarot Cards, this card embodies growth, divinity, celebration and evolution. It represents abundance and material comfort, sensuality, security and emotional support. With An Aquarius Sun (open-minded, free-spirited, rebellious), Cancer Moon (intuitive, insightful, motherly) and Taurus Venus (this is the card's zodiac). Lily is feminine and doesn't rid herself of it to pursue her brilliance. She also doesn't put other girls down for being feminine or for not.

𝐒𝐔𝐍

𝑨𝒒𝒖𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒖𝒔

Imaginative, idealistic, and intellectual. This is the wise, old grandparent of the zodiac. Why? Aquarius is an evolved sign endowed with wisdom, patience and self-control. Second-to-last in the zodiac. Aquarius holds its head high with confidence in its ideas and opinions like a grandparent who has lived a full life of experiences and learned the lessons that have provided wisdom, patience and clear judgment.

𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍

𝑪𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒓

The Moon aspect exaggerates or overemphasizes the qualities of said zodiac. In this case, the Moon exaggerates the Cancer zodiac, which is ... a hundred times more emphasized because the Moon is Cancer's ruling planet. Someone with this placement has emotional maturity, someone who is good in family situations, and someone who attracts a lot of attention without being overbearing or overtly trying to get attention.

𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆/𝐀𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐓

𝑽𝒊𝒓𝒈𝒐

Virgo is an Earth sign; the other two - Taurus & Capricorn, are on either end of the spectrum. Virgo is like the middle ground - they love getting into the details of things, of People with this placement are difficult people to get to know. They're intimidating without trying to be. and can seemingly see through your soul and uncover your intentions.

𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐘

𝑪𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒓

Mercury represents the way we think and its position in element and house shows how we reason, pointing towards thoughts that preoccupy our entire existence. People with Mercury in Cancer have a soft and emotional approach to logic and communication.

People with this placement are great at expressing their emotions and have a way of making people comfortable with deep conversations. They don’t like small talk, which can make them put up a wall. Instead, they open up and relax when they are in the presence of other people who can go “there.” As an intuitive, sign, someone with Mercury in Cancer seems to always know the right thing to say, even in a delicate situation.

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐒

𝑻𝒂𝒖𝒓𝒖𝒔

It's particularly fitting that Lily has a Taurus Venus, as that is the zodiac card for The Empress (I didn't do it on purpose btw). Taurus is ruled by Venus, so when Venus is located within the constellation itself, the sensual stereotypes of both sign and planet expand exponentially. A Taurus Venus is incredibly touchy-feely and desirous of physical connection. They’re also very feet-to-the-earth partners, craving stability and reliability.

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒

𝑮𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒊

The Mars aspect reveals the inner workings of our mind. It represents what makes us angry and how we express that anger. Our desires and how we go about getting them. The sign position of Mars reveals much about our basic animal nature. Mars in Gemini means a person is a highly intellectual and communicative placement. These people are great at debating, they love interaction and talking about all things.

𝑱𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝑷𝒐𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓

𝐌𝐁𝐓𝐈

𝑬𝑺𝑻𝑷 | 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐸𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑢𝑟

Charming, brazen, roguish, adventurous, quick-witted, observant. This type is also known as the Daredevil. They're thrill-seekers, impulsive, energetic and very clever. Very influential and persuasive, they often become the leaders of the group - though they rarely like being so. Other ESTP characters include Jaime Lannister, Aquaman, Amy Pond, Han Solo, Robin Hood and Jennifer Check.

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅

Like the characters Robin Hood, the 11th Doctor and Mary Poppins, James Potter is also a Chaotic Good. That can be a bit murky with his interactions with Snape - he was definitely a bully and that cannot be denied. But ultimately, when it's good against evil, James is a Chaotic Good. The upside of this alignment is that they will do absolutely everything in their power not only to help innocence, but bring about change if they can.

𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐓 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝑲𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝑺𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔

This card represents a person who is assertive, hasty, confident, self-assured and a tad aggressive (also a bit of a bully). Once the knight sets forth towards his goals, there is absolutely no stopping him. He doesn't see - and he doesn't care - about any upcoming challenges.

𝐒𝐔𝐍

𝑳𝒆𝒐

Proud, bold and creative. Leos are truly natural-born leaders. They are charismatic, dramatic, energetic, passionate and full of life. Leos maintain a “king of the jungle” dynamic in almost every social group they are a part of. Fixed Fire which means they are dramatic, courageous, arrogant, and charismatic. Ruling planet: The Sun. Associated with Zeus.

𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍

𝑳𝒆𝒐

A Leo Sun is very different to a Leo Moon. But having a double Leo in one's chart means ... you exude a very bold, brazen and dramatic persona. And that is exactly how James is. Don't be intimidated by that though, because Leo's can be one of the most loyal signs there is. Also, Moon in Leo people are not necessarily outgoing. This can balance James, and keep him from being too much.

𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆/𝐀𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐓

𝑮𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒊

Gemini Rising people love to ask questions, to move around freely, and to mingle. They have a big curiosity! Definitely restless and often quick in physical expression, natives of the Gemini Ascendant exude an air of impatience even if they don’t mean it. Quick-witted and possessing the gift of the gab, Gemini Rising is charming and talkative as well.

𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐘

𝑨𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔

Ruled by Mars, the planet of action, Mercury in Aries people speak quickly and sometimes without thinking first. People with this placement are passionate in their expressions. They are honest and direct which is great in some situations, but can be harsh in others. Mercury in Aries communicators make quick decisions–so quick that you might think they don’t much like thinking things over. The truth is, Aries communicators don’t have a lot of patience for mulling. Their decisions are often driven by the need for instant gratification.

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐒

𝑳𝒆𝒐

When Venus Leo people are in love, they are proud, even boastful. They love to court and be courted, and they need to feel very special. Pleasing Venus in Leo involves paying lots of attention to them. They love to be adored, pampered and admired. They have a strong ego and want to feel like they are needed.

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒

𝑨𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔

Mars is at home in the sign of Aries, act first, then figure out the rest later. People with this energy are unafraid to take action and often tend to be quite courageous. However, that can also make them quite brash and impulsive — diving in first and thinking about it later.

𝑺𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒖𝒔 𝑩𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌

𝐌𝐁𝐓𝐈

𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑷 | 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑉𝑖𝑟𝑡𝑢𝑜𝑠𝑜

Many say Sirius is an ESTP like James, but I don't necessarily think so. There's more darkness, more mystery with Sirius - and James loves humour, he likes keeping things light-hearted and fun. Sirius is observant, analytical, and detached to most things; besides that which he loves.

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅

When it comes down to it, Sirius is Chaotic Good to his very core. He doesn't want to hurt the innocent, but trauma has skewed his way of thinking at times. He detests authority and believes freedom is the only way a person can feel true happiness. Because of how he grew up, especially.

𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐓 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝑲𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇 𝑺𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝑹𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒅

I chose to use this card, particularly in reverse, because of the message of inner truth, and quiet power. The message is that you either are or you need, to find your inner power and truth. This is very real for Sirius, in the sense that he was trapped by his family both physically and mentally. Part of his story is that he broke out, he knew hat he believed and it didn't line up with his family. He didn't want to be involved in their filthy opinions.

𝐒𝐔𝐍

𝑺𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒐

When the Sun is found in the mysterious sign of Scorpio, the emphasis is on the subtle and profound. Motivated by a need for emotional closeness, Scorpios seek connection and truth. Those born with the Sun in Scorpio often have much to learn about the nature of intimacy and power.

𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍

𝑪𝒂𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒏

However turbulent their emotions may be under the surface, Capricorn Moons keep cool-headed and come across as indifferent. Capricorn Moons are often quite hard on themselves and would benefit from letting their guard down once in a while. Moon signs also tell of the relationship with one's mother. And the relationship of a Capricorn Moon means it was/is very tough.

𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆/𝐀𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐓

𝑺𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒖𝒔

Sagittarius Rising favours independence and freedom. With Sagittarius Rising, they like to travel, see new places, and learn how the rest of the world lives. There is a like for money, but their real appreciation is for the independence it affords. One of the most obvious and endearing traits of Sagittarius rising is their willingness to keep up a sense of humour.

𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐘

𝑮𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒊

Having this placement elevates a person's quick wit and love of humour. Witty, curious and entertaining, they enjoy playing with language and toying with people. They bore easily and learn best from teachers and environments that possess a healthy dose of stimulation.

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐒

𝑺𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒖𝒔

Free-spirited, independent and courageous - one wouldn't think this sign is good in a pair. And even though a Venus Sag needs space not just to move about their day unhindered, but also to mentally and emotionally grow and expand infinitely. But when they find the right person, Venus Sag's need to feel like they can grow and expand their horizons through their relationship. For example, they want to learn new things and experience everything together.

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒

𝑺𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒐

This aspect gives someone a cunning and intense nature. Once they set their minds on something and desire it, they will stop at nothing to get it. They're very calculating and often eight steps ahead of everyone else. Mars in Scorpio love to challenge themselves to do the impossible (aka becoming an Animagus)...A Scorpio Mar's weapon is their stinger, poison, and secrecy.

𝑹𝒆𝒎𝒖𝒔 𝑳𝒖𝒑𝒊𝒏

𝐌𝐁𝐓𝐈

𝑰𝑵𝑭𝑱 | 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐴𝑑𝑣𝑜𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒

It is well-known that Remus is an INFJ - insightful, perceptive, empathetic, thoughtful, kind, analytical, idealistic and intuitive. Remus has always been the heart of the Marauders, the one who keeps everyone in line, helping the others with their homework, and in turn, they gave him an undying loyalty.

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

𝑳𝒂𝒘𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅 then 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅

They’re the protectors, but also seen as morally rigid and stubborn. Always do the right thing; what’s expected of them by society. Feel very uncomfortable breaking the rules. And then when Remus is befriended by Sirius and James, everything changes. He's much more comfortable breaking the rules - but there has to be a good cause for it!

𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐓 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝟓 𝒐𝒇 𝑷𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝑹𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒅

The Five of Pentacles reversed indicates an end to difficult times. When Remus meets James, Sirius and Peter, his problems are now their problems i.e., they're no longer alone anymore. With this card, a person may start to feel as if life is worth living again and they are regaining their self-confidence.

𝐒𝐔𝐍

𝑽𝒊𝒓𝒈𝒐

Virgos are naturally adaptable to the ever-changing nature of life — they're great at staying organized and on top of their schedules, even in the midst of chaos. Virgos, like the other Earth signs, are incredibly grounded and hardworking. This sign is arguably the most observant zodiac, and notices all the little details that everyone else misses. Methodical and practical, Virgos always have a plan and a course of action to make things happen. Therefore, Remus, as we all know, is the most grounded of the Marauders. The one who keeps the others from doing too much & going overboard.

𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍

𝑨𝒒𝒖𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒖𝒔

I chose to put the Aquarius placement as his Moon, because it amplifies the qualities in a person. The qualities of this placement is: extremely observant, sociable but a loner at heart, idealistic and progressive. Most notably, Aqua Moons often grow up feeling “different”...

𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆/𝐀𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐓

𝑷𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒆𝒔

People with this aspect are sensitive individuals, with an ability to “pick up on” the unseen influences in their surroundings. They're the type to toss in a surprising, profound quip. Remus is the type of person that has an innate warmth. He makes people feel at ease, comfortable and with his empathetic ear, makes others feel as though they have a shoulder to cry on.

𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐘

𝑮𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒊

Having the same Mercury as Sirius makes a lot of sense to me. Especially since they both have a connection. Platonic or romantic, doesn't matter - but they click. In the same way that Remus and Lily click because they both have Aquarius in their chart. Bookish, intellectual and ready to learn.

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐒

𝑪𝒂𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒏

This placement means Remus is dependable. His relationship with Tonks shows that he will stand by his person no matter what. Venus in Capricorn men project an aura of competency and their loner-like behaviour. They are a little shy in matters of the heart, but they don’t want you to know it.

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒

𝑪𝒂𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒏

Strategic, hardworking, and are always after the long game, unafraid to put in the effort because of their innate desire for victory. When it comes to conflict, these people are cunning and practical, understanding that drama is a waste of energy unless they are coming out on top.

𝑷𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑷𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒘

(Yes I AM going to include Peter, because he was a part of the Marauders. When his corruption overcame him, we'll never know.)

𝐌𝐁𝐓𝐈

𝑰𝑺𝑭𝑱 | 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐷𝑒𝑓𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟

This could be argued (and I would have no problem if it was) but it's always difficult to place people who aren't good. ISFJs are quiet, proper, gentle, soft-spoken and detail-orientated. Traits can be linked to Peter, but it's difficult to attribute his corruption. Was it in his last year of Hogwarts?

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

𝑵𝒆𝒖𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒍 𝑬𝒗𝒊𝒍

Those with this alignment might follow rules if it serves them, but they do not feel bound to them. This alignment usually makes alliances with others to further their own agenda, but have no issue with double-crossing their allies. This is actually quite true when you think about it in terms of the Marauders when they were young. Peter chose that friend group to further his popularity and not be the target.

𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐓 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑴𝒐𝒐𝒏

The Moon represents fears and illusions. Plagued by recurring nightmares, having constant anxiety and thinking your future is bleak - when it's all about perspective and courage. I chose this card because Peter chose to be meek. He chose to whimper in the corner and sacrifice others for his survival.

𝐒𝐔𝐍

𝑪𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒓

Cancer is the animal of the crab. I chose this aspect because of that element; where there's a hard shell surrounding the body to protect it. And I see Peter as someone who needs to be protected because he is so cowardly. He's sensitive and can be manipulated easily. However, he can also manipulate others easily as well.

𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍

𝑳𝒊𝒃𝒓𝒂

Now, as we know the Moon in a person's chart amplifies whatever sign is in this aspect. Moon in Libra people have a strong need for partnership. Without someone to share their lives with, they feel utterly incomplete. In terms of Peter, it means he can't stand on his own, he can't stand up for himself either. Libra's like to placate, they like to be the peacekeeper.

𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆/𝐀𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐓

𝑷𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒆𝒔

A Pisces Rising is constantly changing their personality to adapt to those around them. They have a sense that no-one really knows who they are, and this is so true for Peter. And having Remus have the same Ascendant means they can bond over feeling as if they don't fit in.

𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐘

𝑳𝒊𝒃𝒓𝒂

They intuitively know the right things to say to smooth things over and can be very diplomatic. Unfortunately, they may often find themselves in the middle of conflicts because they are the ones trying to keep the peace. Mercury in Libra people are often the friend that both people in a disagreement confide in.

This can be conceptualised as Peter being the confidant in the group, the one that the boys go to when they want to get something off their chest.

��𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐒

𝑳𝒊𝒃𝒓𝒂

Every individual saddled with the placement of Venus in Libra is an absolutely unhinged romantic. Libra Venus loves love and will impulsively overturn their entire life to indulge it if the vibes feel right for even a second. Unfortunately the vibes may not always actually be right when they feel right.

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒

𝑷𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒆𝒔

Mars in Pisces brings an individual an emotional and sensitive nature. Mars is complicated in Pisces: As a Jupiter-ruled water sign, Pisces is all about bringing things together while Mars seeks to separate. The result often leaves a person acting a bit flakey. Their strength is less about divisiveness and more about flexibility and raw emotional power.

#witchthewriter #the marauders birth charts #marauders character profile #marauders zodiac #james potter zodiac chart #remus lupin zodiac chart #sirius black zodiac chart #birth chart #peter pettigrew zodiac chart #hogwarts #astrology chart #character profile #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #the marauders #headcanons #james potter headcanons #siris black headcanons #remus lupin headcanons #peter pettigrew headcanons #Lily Evans #lily evans headcanon #lily evans zodiac chart

[timeagainreviews]

The Secret Finality of “Survival”

An admirable quality of Doctor Who has always been its ability to adapt to change. From it’s genesis, it has overcome budget restraints and technical setbacks to the delight of many. Not even the need to replace their main actor could stop Doctor Who. It’s not easy then to try and dissect exactly why Doctor Who could not survive the 1980’s. There are key moments when the show alienated viewers in a major way, but sometimes shows wear out their welcome with general audiences. Even in the First Doctor era people were asking how much longer the show could continue. Had the show become a parade of changing faces? It’s ironic then that it was Patrick Troughton’s fresh face which reignited the mystery of the Doctor. Just when you thought you knew the Doctor, he became someone else entirely. Over the years, Doctor Who’s ability to renew itself proved to be its greatest asset. Sadly, however, the Sylvester McCoy era was to be the last regeneration for the original series of Doctor Who.

When production on season 26 began in 1988, rumours of cancellation were already in the air. Not only had public opinion shifted away from the show in dramatic fashion, but the budget had been gutted forcing more difficult and less controlled location shooting. Before the season had finished airing, the production crew knew there would be no season 27. Producer John Nathan-Turner was forced to scramble for some sort of final episode to cap off 26 years of a BBC family tradition. The season was originally supposed to end with “Ghost Light,” but it was decided that the three-part story “Survival,” would function better as a finale. At first glance, it’s easy to think “What? Why?” But I would argue that the reason is that it was always leading back to the Master, of course.

Doctor Who could probably have continued to battle monsters across space and time going from face to face for years. But even the Troughton era’s new visage could not overcome the rut writers had found themselves in with aimless base-in-peril stories. The Doctor needed a more personal threat. Daleks and Cybermen were of course classic baddies, but they were generally faceless and emotionless. Perhaps the villains should also have a face. Some of the more popular one-off antagonists were individuals who possessed strong wills and personalities. For example- the Toymaker, the Meddling Monk, Mavic Chen, or the ironically faceless Great Intelligence. It wasn’t until the Pertwee Era did the Doctor find his ultimate foe in the Master.

The introduction of the Time Lords sacrificed a bit of the mystery of the Doctor’s character. Suddenly, the cosmic vagabond had a home and a species. It’s only fair that in this sacrifice, we gained the Doctor’s perfect antagonist. The Master is everything the Doctor isn’t, while being exactly what the Doctor is. They both know the secrets of time travel. They both regenerate. They both have TARDISes. But the Master is that twisted reflection of the Doctor. The Twelfth Doctor once said “Sometimes the only choices you have are bad ones, but you still have to choose.” But in the trolley problem that is life, the Master’s choices are self-serving and sadistic. The Master is the man who would have still bashed the caveman’s skull with a rock. This sort of sadism, masculinity, and war are at the forefront of first-time Doctor Who writer Rona Munro’s script.

Having recently explored Ace’s personal history in both “Ghost Light,” and “The Curse of Fenric,” it seems fitting that the Doctor and Ace should end up back in her hometown of Perivale. While the character arc of learning why she burned down the Gabriel Chase mansion as a child seems like a fitting end for her character, I would argue it’s just as interesting to see Ace return home. Rarely in classic Doctor Who were we shown the companions returning home, and usually it was always to say goodbye. Had we seen a season 27, this would have marked the first time a companion returned home only to continue travelling with the Doctor. This is just one of many ways in which Ace was the proto-modern companion. We often see modern Doctor Who companions returning home to check in with family and have a cuppa. These moments give us a glimpse into the way travelling with the Doctor has changed them. Ace’s reaction to Perivale is on par. But it’s not just Ace who has changed while she was away. Things in Perivale don’t exactly add up. Old friends have gone missing. And the local community centre is now populated by macho self-defence classes taught by a paranoid military man named Paterson.

I mentioned earlier that the budget put massive strains on the production crew. Despite this, they make excellent use of story craft. “Survival,” plays out more like an independent film than a serial from a classic BBC series. In some respects, this was Doctor Who back to its roots- a small ragtag crew putting emphasis on writing and creative problem-solving. There is an attempt at atmosphere. Perivale feels gritty and a bit run down, a detail Munro attributed to the town due to her own youth in a grittier Scotland under Margaret Thatcher. She would later reflect that when she actually saw Perivale, she found it charming. Mind you, the real Perivale never acted as a nexus for extraterrestrial kitty cats. And as a cat owner myself, those little fuckers do not respect personal property. They dig up the garden. They claw the sofa. They make nerds washing their cars disappear. 

It would be easy to say that these first couple of episodes are sparse. Their synopses are among the shortest you’ll find on TARDIS Data Core. But that doesn’t mean they’re entirely empty either. The script to David Lynch’s Eraserhead was only 20 pages and it made an 88-minute film that my wife said felt like three hours. I would argue that building tone can be just as effective as narrative. Much of the first episode in particular feels like building a sense of desperation. There is desperation to leave Perivale. Desperation to find the missing youth of the town. Desperation to survive.

Perhaps the most desperate to survive is the Master. We’ve seen him on his last regeneration. We’ve seen him extra crispy. In the Eighth Doctor movie we see him so desperate to escape death that he’ll snake his way down Eric Roberts’ throat. And here we find the Tremas Master, wearing someone else’s face using the minds and bodies of the youth of Perivale to escape a sentient planet where he got himself trapped. For a newer writer and first timer to Doctor Who, I would argue that Munro absolutely nails the Master’s character. The Master will stoop to anything that will ensure his survival. It’s in his name. He must control others. He must control his destiny. He refuses to let death be his master. Even years later when John Simm’s Master chooses death, it is in his defiance of the Doctor. It is his refusal to let the Doctor control him. In the Master’s mind, other people exist only to serve his means.

Meanwhile, the equally astounding eternal god that is the Doctor is having trouble with catfood and the neighbourhood watch. I find no end of enjoyment in watching the Doctor shoo a dog away from cat food, so much so that I made it into a ten-minute loop. He’s escaped a Dalek holding cell, survived a murderous satellite, and avoided ritualistic execution. But at this moment, he just needs this dog to stop eating his cat food long enough to trap a Kitling. Having been spotted hiding away in some old nan’s garden, the neighbourhood watch is called in to see to the Doctor. This brings us back to Paterson, because of course it does. Paterson is exactly the kind of twit to be up in everyone’s business. I don’t blame the old nan though, you do what you gotta do to feel safe, boo.

It’s Ace’s scream that brings the Doctor and Paterson to the playground where Ace is being chased about by a “Cheetah People.” They really dug deep on that name there. Something I found myself enjoying was the way in which Ace used the metal playground structures to evade capture. It made me think about how Ace may have played in this very jungle gym as a child. Would she have made up stories in her head where she pretended to evade invisible enemies? In this way, Ace has a home-team advantage. This advantage is short-lived, however, after she is transported to the Cheetah Planet (another cracker of a name). The Doctor and Paterson also find themselves transported under its red sky as the Master stands by to greet them.

I joke about the name of the Cheetah Planet and the Cheetah People, but I do actually like some of the ambiguity. Sure, it maybe sounds like Charleton Heston is about to find half a Statue of Liberty, but I like that they’re a bit of a mystery. Even though the Doctor has heard of them, he doesn’t really know anything about them. We don’t know what to expect from our feline friends, but the introduction of the Master shows us that they’re probably victims as well. Once again the Master is using others for his own purposes. 

Storywise, I would say episode two is probably the weakest of the three. Most of the episode is Ace avoiding Cheetah People and discovering her missing friends from Perivale, some of whom have been surviving on the Cheetah Planet for weeks. Something about the Cheetah Planet causes people to become feral. First changing their minds and slowly, over time, their bodies as well. This primal source holds the power to transform people into Cheetah People. Now, when Munro had originally written the script, she was thinking something a little more subtle. The Cheetah People were never meant to be in full masks, but rather closer to the facial prosthetics of Star Trek. You would have been able to see the actor’s performance underneath their new catlike features.

I mention this because the look of the Cheetah People is a sticking point for a lot of fans. Not even the cast or crew were happy with their look. Even Rona Munro complained that the masks were distracting from her lesbian subplot between Ace and Karra. Because if you can look beyond the mask, you’ll find a deeper story. While some furry Whovians out there may not have much trouble accepting a story about Cheetah People in bad fursuits, to others it was offputting. Because of that, I think Survival struggled and continues to struggle with being taken seriously. For me, it’s on par with “The Web Planet,” and the Menoptera, a similar story and creature that are often maligned by people who find them embarrassing. And like “The Web Planet,” you’ll find a story about anthropomorphic animals being controlled by a single sadist. They’re like Doctor Who’s Ewoks in that way. And like Ewoks, some people think they’re a mistake. Those people are wrong, by the way.

The Master does his best to look as though the Doctor has fallen into his trap, but what seems like a grand scheme is little more than a last-ditch effort to escape the Cheetah Planet. Due to the Kitlings’ ability to trap people there, the Master’s hope is to use this power to leave. He makes a great effort to look like the supreme overlord of this empire of dirt, but the Doctor sees right through him as always. He sees the Master’s gambit for what it is- the boasts of the most powerful man in prison. And the longer the Master finds himself on this forsaken planet, the less control he feels. Sure, the Master loves a bit of carnage, but it’s this loss of self that frightens him. Losing control of himself to the wild nature of the Cheetah Planet is another form of death, and as we know, the Master possesses a deep seated fear of losing control.

You’ll forgive me if my memory of the events that follow are a bit hazy. I’ve seen Survival several times and even now I struggle to recall key plot points. What’s important is that Ace has formed a bond with one of the Cheetah People, Karra (played by Doctor Who royalty Lisa Bowerman), and their running together has begun to turn Ace feral. It’s implied that running with the Cheetah People hastens the transition into ferality, but even with that consideration, Ace’s change feels abrupt. Some of Ace’s cohorts had been trapped for weeks without so much as a whisker. It’s a minor gripe from a serial plagued with minor gripes. I’m probably being fairer to Survival than I normally would because of the extenuating circumstances surrounding the production. An inexperienced writer, a show on the brink of cancellation, and a budget slashed to hell do this story no favours. In that way, it feels like a mean thing to judge it too harshly. And as we’ve seen from her return with “The Eaters of Light,” Munro can actually write.

Another thing this story does that acts as a sort of pre-cursor to modern Doctor Who (or in the continuity of the show- its very next episode) is the way the Master will take on companions of his own. Much like Chang Lee, Ace’s pal Midge is lied to and manipulated by the Master. The Master uses his feral nature to transport him back to Perivale which is exactly what he wanted. We can hand wave away how the Master knew Ace and the Doctor would ever return to Perivale long enough to notice all of Ace’s mates have gone missing. Like I said, minor gripes. Now in Perivale with kitty cat Midge, the Master literally pilots Midge around looking to recruit more young men into his harem… er… army.

Having escaped a catastrophe with the Cheetah People (with no thanks to the cowardly Paterson) the Doctor and Ace are now back in Perivale ready to square off against the Master and his group of misanthropes who may as well be carrying tiki torches if it wasn’t for the fact that it was broad daylight. The big showdown, however, appears in the form of the Doctor and Midge running motor bikes at one another in a game of chicken. By that description, the scene sounds less clever than it actually is, but when you follow the theme of the story, it says a lot. Initially, it is Ace who volunteers to run down Midge, but the Doctor knows if she were to engage, it would turn her completely feral. Knowing that his own mind is at stake, the Doctor still takes her place, refusing to let her fight his battles for him. The Master, on the other hand, is far more comfortable sending Midge in his stead. At this moment, we are given a visual representation of the fundamental difference between the Doctor and the Master’s ideologies. It is this scene that makes me believe Survival is actually the best choice they could have made for a final Doctor Who story.

Unable to accept defeat and leave well enough alone, the Master pulls the Doctor back to the Cheetah Planet for one final bestial showdown. But even in his increasingly feral state, the Doctor’s compasion overrides the instinct to bash the Master’s brain in with a skull. I referenced the First Doctor’s feeble attempt at bashing a caveman’s skull with a rock, and that wasn’t without reason. In an accidental manner, the show has brought the Doctor around full circle by echoing his first story. Originally it was Ian who had stayed his hand, and now, through years of travelling with human companions, it is the Doctor who stays his own hand. The Doctor refuses to live and die as an animal, and because of this, he is able to walk off into the sunset for future adventures.

Over the years, we learned that the Doctor is a Time Lord from Gallifrey. But even still, the Doctor defies explanation. But through meeting the Master, we learn what the Doctor very easily could have become. We may not know who the Doctor is, but through the Master, we have learned who the Doctor isn’t. In this last story with the Doctor, we don’t learn his name. Very little more information is gained about the Doctor. Instead, it is reiterated what the Doctor believes. Life is sacred. People aren’t pawns. Take responsibility for your problems. We also learn why the Master always loses- he only thinks about himself. Ultimately, it’s community and caring for others that ensures our survival. 

#doctor who #Seventh Doctor #Sylvester McCoy #Survival #Rona Munro #Cheetah People #Cheetah Planet #Ace McShane #Sophie Aldred #Ace #Perivale #The Master #Tremas #Anthony Ainley #Season 26 #TARDIS #BBC #Time and Time Again #timeagainreviews

[rookrecurring]

I don’t know where you’re at with this question or how often you’ve been asked it, but how are you doing these days? What have you been up to? I did a triple take when you started posting again and it’s good to see your art again! I hope you’ve been well.

—longtime RMR fan

Hi! This is such a kind message, I appreciate you checking in. I feel like I've been offline for so long that I'm always surprised to hear anyone remembers me or Red Moon Rising at all, haha. I've received a few emails here and there from former readers over the years which I've replied to, but I think it's probably time to say something more public in case anyone else has similar questions.

I tried and completely failed to keep this concise - sorry for rambling all over your relatively simple ask, but the long and short of it is: I'm doing pretty ok! Life is confusing and difficult! More under the cut!

In all honesty, I burned out very badly while working on Red Moon Rising. The tipping point unfortunately coincided with the Kickstarter for the print version (way back in 2017), but in retrospect it was a long time coming.

Shocking no-one, webcomics basically pay nothing and I was treating it as a job on top of the commission and freelance work I was paying the bills with, and in the end it just kind of crushed me. I became very overwhelmed with the work required to get the comic ready for print in the time that followed, so I never quite gave myself space to recover from the burnout because I felt such an obligation to fulfill the Kickstarter - people had paid good money for this and I wanted them to receive the books they had been promised.

The good news these days is that the Kickstarter is more or less all the way there. My publisher has been an absolute saint this entire time, checking in with me about the work without ever being demanding or pushy, and a few months ago a box arrived at my flat with all three volumes (consisting of the first 300-ish pages) of Red Moon Rising in print.

It's hard to be ecstatic after such a tiring journey to put it all together, but I'm proud of what we made. I can't overstate what a great job I think my publisher has done and how kind they've been to me - they received a lot of flak from people about the massive delays and never once threw me under the bus or pressured me to work harder or faster.

Regarding RMR's future: the website is currently down, but it shouldn't be for long. I've had some help from a friend recently (a recurring trend that I'm very grateful for) and the site should be back online soon more or less as it was. Pages, commentary, comments, everything.

However, the comic will remain on semi-permanent hiatus - never say never, but for the moment I've moved on.

I'm sure this isn't a surprise considering the last page was posted six years ago, but I hope it's not too disappointing for anyone. I always thought I would come back to it sooner or later, but I still feel like I need some space.

-

On an even more personal note, it's been a crazy few years. I think everyone has had a difficult time recently what with the… well, everything. I've been through a lot of health problems, some very difficult housing and financial situations, and I also came out as gay and asexual to my friends and family, and now to anyone who happens to be reading this.

Fortunately I have no horror stories regarding this last point, everyone around me has been beyond supportive and kind. I think the main takeaway I have from this period of my life is how amazing my friends are. I could probably fill this post to the character limit talking about the lovely people in my life and the numerous kind things they've done for me. I'm in a very good place right now thanks to them.

So in a post-Kickstarter, post-RMR world I'm at a bit of crossroads these days. I feel like my burnout has finally more or less faded and I've quietly been up to all sorts of small things.

I spent a lot of this year learning Japanese to an intermediate level (mostly through watching hundreds of episodes of Super Sentai shows in pure Japanese), something that didn't occur to me I would ever be capable of until I started doing it

I've been composing more orchestral music and sending it to like two people

I did a game jam!

I picked up Python programming recently and am trying to create a program to act as a music composition aid

I speedran learning Blender last year for a job application and made exactly one (1) piece using it that went so well I'll probably never draw a building by hand ever again

I've been playing a lot of DnD and other tabletop RPGs and made quite a bit of art related to those that I never posted anywhere

My biggest freelance project of the year was doing all the art for a friend's board game project that I'm cautiously excited about - it should be seeing the light of day some time next year

Basically I'm approaching some sort of critical mass of "uhhh maybe someone on the internet might like to see what I'm up to if I actually posted it" and now I'm confronting the scary emotions of once again being visible online. Yet another friend has offered to help me set up some kind of art stream in the near future and I think I might actually work up the nerve to do it.

-

Compared to 2017 the internet now is obviously a very different place and it's quite intimidating to step back into it if I'm being honest. It feels like there's much more pressure on Cultivating A Brand™ and I can already tell I'm going to be completely terrible at it because that pressure to be a consistent Content Creator™™™ totally smashed my brain in before and I'm not interested in going there again.

On the other hand, I appreciate that someone who is interested in seeing my handful of bird drawings one month might not also be interested in seeing my Tokusou Sentai Dekaranger fanart the next. I don't really know what to do about that except post these things anyway, because otherwise they're just piling up on my hard drive.

So that's it, really! My life is a lot more stable these days and I'm tentatively planning on posting more stuff here and possibly other places too. Thanks again for the ask, and sorry for the impromptu novel!

#words words words #red moon rising

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hey weirdish question, do you think it would be weird to ask my father/siblings about my childhood? I want to remember more about my life growing up, I know it sucked and I have some memories about how it sucked, but I've also lost more memories, not just from dissociation but from a history of concussions and so I hard remember even my teen years as a minor even though I'm only 20 and I just want to know more? I feel really bad about never remembering things, like I forget birthdays, important events, vacations with my father (probably the happiest points of my life since I was away from my mother) and it just feels so bad. I also have second question, how do I figure out if I'm disordered or not? I have aphantasia so I can't inner communicate but a lot of my alters are very similar to "me" "me" being the fronting consciousness seems to always be here even if I specifically am not, and we do seem to generally retain some memories between us but we're still constantly losing memories and time within a week of forming said memories but I don't know that you could call that amnesia?

-Newt

Hi! We’ll try to answer these questions to the best of our ability!

Would it be weird to ask your father/siblings about your childhood?

We don’t know you or your family, and this will seriously depend on the dynamics you have with your family members and how each of them view y’all’s collective history! Is there any chance they might have harmed you in your childhood, or might become defensive if you ask about your history? Are you in a place now where you are safe and/or independent?

As a system who also has lots of amnesia surrounding our childhood, we honestly haven’t been able to recover many memories through conversations with our family. If someone tells us something that happened to us in childhood, it feels to us like a story or something that happened to someone else. We haven’t been able to recover many memories this way. We’re not a doctor and we’re not sure how amnesia really works entirely, but asking other people to recount your childhood may not be the best way to try and recall memories you’ve lost.

However, if your father has pictures, a photo book, or some other sort of album containing images from your positive experiences in childhood, it may be worth it to ask about this. Many parents do keep some sort of photo evidence of their children’s lives and upbringings. Looking at images or videos of your youth might help to jog your memory!

When it comes to keeping track of events in your life, you could try keeping a calendar in which you write down important dates like birthdays and future important events. We keep track of these things in our phone’s calendar, which can actually alert us when the event is approaching, so it’s super helpful! Without some sort of calendar/alert system, it would be incredibly difficult for us to keep up with everything in our lives! 😅

And with regards to your second question: How to tell whether or not you are disordered, that’s really tricky and the answer will vary vastly from system to system (and even headmate to headmate)!

We wrote a post outlining our own system’s experience with disordered plurality. We’re just going to link it in hopes that it may help answer this question! We do believe that it’s up to the individual, not any outside party, to determine whether or not an experience they live with is disordered or not.

We also wrote a post specifically about dissociative amnesia, with our experience and some additional resources! Maybe it can help y’all figure out whether or not you’re experiencing amnesia to some extent.

We hope this helps! Good luck with everything, Newt - we hope that if you do talk to your family it goes really smoothly!

🌷 Corrie and 🐢 Kip

#long post #disordered system #amnesia

[elliepassmore]

The Last Bloodcarver review

5/5 stars Recommended if you like: Vietnamese mythology, science fantasy, magical medicine

The author describes this book as 'science fantasy,' which I think is an apt descriptor. Nhika's powers are within the realm of fantasy, but the way she thinks about her powers is more science, as are the automatons that help run the city. There are also doctors and medical advancements, like surgery, IVs, and organ transplants. I really liked this aspect of the book and thought the combination of magic + medicine was super cool. It was interesting to see how different characters viewed medicine and heartsoothing, particularly the differences between Nhika and Kochin, and how they reconciled those views. I also really liked seeing the duality of healing. It's not really something you see a lot with healer characters, but if you have power over a person's body systems, healing, and immunity, then you can just as easily use those systems for damage as well as for good, and I liked seeing Le use that in this story.

The worldbuilding is neat and gives us hints of a more complex system going on in the world. We spend the entire book in Theumas, which is divided into sectors based on the zodiac. I'm definitely intrigued by the way the city is setup, though I'm not sure we'll get an in-depth explanation for that since politics aren't really at the forefront of the novel. We do get a look at the class system of Theumas and how the boroughs correspond to that system. I liked seeing how things differed and how certain behaviors trickled down from the wealthier boroughs to the poorer ones.

While politics isn't at the forefront of this book, immigrants and culture are. Nhika is Yarongese, born in Theumas. Her parents and grandmother were born in Yarong but had to flee to Theumas due to war and colonialization, and then died when Nhika was young. So while Nhika learned her culture from her family, she also feels a disconnect due to living in Theumas and having to hide her heartsoothing. Nhika greatly yearns to belong and wants desperately to feel that connection to her culture, so those two things drive her actions through a lot of the book.

I liked Nhika as a character. She's been living on her own since she was 12 and, in order to survive and make money, has turned to homeopathy remedies to heal people and stay under the radar as a heartsoother. Try as she might to be tough, she has a soft inside and cares deeply about other people, even if she's just met them. This allows her to bond with the Congmi siblings, and later Kochin, despite slights and differences. Nhika is willing to stand up for herself and follow through on things, even when it's dangerous or difficult, and that perseverance both helps and hurts her at different points.

Kochin was a character I liked, then didn't, then did again. He has a very specific goal in mind throughout the novel, but he's somewhat clumsy in how he goes about it. In the end he pulls through and I liked that he was able to be there for Nhika and share some things with her closer to the end of the book. I do feel bad for him since he definitely got in way over his head and is doing the best he can to try and mitigate the damage to everyone else.

Despite Nhika staying with the Congmis for most of the book, I feel like I don't totally know them as characters, so I hope to see them more in book 2. Mimi is definitely a lovable character who is friendly and wants to believe the best of others. She's heartbroken by the recent loss of her father, and she seems to enjoy having Nhika around as a friend. That being said, she's somewhat naive about how the world works and just how much her family's money and social standing advantage her. Andao seems to be more aware of it, but he's got the weight of his father's legacy on his shoulders and rivals and friends coming at him from all directions to try and influence his moves.

Trin is a friend of the family and at first is kind of mean to Nhika, but he's a bit like Chubs from The Darkest Minds. What he really wants is for the Congmis to be safe and well cared for, and he's not afraid of giving someone the smackdown if they seem like they might threaten that, but is much friendlier once you're past that initial stage. I ended up liking Trin's character a lot and think he and Nhika have the beginnings of a good friendship.

The mystery was very interesting, and the seeds of it are laid from the beginning. It's somewhat predictable but it's still a very enjoyable story because there are twists to the mystery that aren't apparent at first. The last 1/3 was definitely tense since everything is coming together, and I really liked seeing how it all played out.

My one complaint about this book is that there's some instalove going on in it. It's very minor so I can kind of ignore it, but it seems like it might be a bigger thing in book 2 (maybe? Maybe it's just the consequences of that, we'll see.).

Overall I loved this book and can't wait to see what book 2 has in store! The combination of magic and medicine was super interesting, and I liked seeing how both were dealt with. I also thought the characters were well rounded and liked reading their interactions.

#book #book review #books #book recommendations #fantasy #booklr #bookstagram #bookblr #bookaholic #bookish #the last bloodcarver #Vietnamese mythology #asian authors #science fantasy #fantasy novel #ya fantasy books #ya fantasy

[khaleesiofalicante]

The recent chapter where Max says that it shouldn't have been his family in the hospital but him got me thinking.

Hypothetical for you, I know it goes against Mallory's character to hurt Max. But just imagine she chooses to use the ECT on Max to make him be disgusted/afraid of David instead of targeting David.

How do you see that playing out?

I see Max making himself progressively worse because he would keep running headfirst into the wall of his trauma until he destroyed himself. And David leaving because he can't let Max keep doing this to himself.

But then again, this Max wouldn't hold himself back from chasing David down. Soo...

Oh, this is very good!

While Mallory hurting Max is out of character, what you suggested (Mallory trying to make Max be disgusted of David) was actually part of the plot in lbaf 4 🥲

Now allow me to put my psych degree to use hehe.

There are different kinds of exposure therapy.

Let's look at David's choice:

He follows a type of therapy called graded exposure: the client constructs an exposure fear hierarchy, in which feared objects, activities, or situations are ranked according to difficulty. (looking at max, listening to his voice, being in the same room, touching, kissing, etc) They begin with mildly or moderately difficult exposures, then progress to harder ones.

David has also combined this with general Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) where he talks about his thoughts, fears, and feelings with his therapist.

What he does with Jaden is a type of interoceptive exposure therapy: Deliberately bringing on physical sensations that are harmless, yet feared. Jaden isn't the stimulus that makes David scared/repulsed, but he does have a similar effect (hence why David avoids him in the very beginning). So, David uses Jaden as a method to expose himself to Max while learning to manage his anxiety and repulsion.

NOW. MAX.

First of all, I don't think this shit would go to therapy. (yes david does have experience in dealing with this so he knows better) but i think max, as you correctly said, would just keep running after david (which would only make his repulsion worse).

What Max would do is actually called flooding. Flooding therapy is an intensive type of exposure therapy in which you must face your fear at a maximum level of intensity for an extended amount of time. For example, if you are claustrophobic, you will be locked in a room until you calm the fuck down or if you are scared of snakes, you will be asked to hold the snake until you are not scared. It doesn't always work and can be extremely traumatic if you don't do it with proper assistance.

Max would do exactly this (repeatedly expose himself to David) not as a form of therapy, but simply because he can't stay away and it would keep hurting him.

Maybe in this alternate universe, I can see David going back to France. David leaves Max for his own good. But as you said, Max would follow after him. Max would be mad at himself for many reasons (for mallory, for not being able to get over his repulsion, for hurting his family) and it would just get worse. we also know max suffered a depressive episode in the past so all of this would be entirely unhealthy and would not end well.

THIS WHAT IF WAS INSANE THANK YOU FOR ASKING IT HEHE.

#IALS #yall really can't get enough of the angst huh

[lady-phasma]

So, I’ve been seeing the different takes on Aemond’s softness and I haven’t been able to sit down and get this out correctly until now. I do like your idea that he should be more than one dimensional but I do have to disagree about him being incapable of being soft or wanting soft things and in this essay… 😂 but really –

Despite my attraction to Ewan Mitchell and in turn, Aemond, I feel like I am Aemond. I understand him a bit or maybe I’m making the pieces fit but I’m not playing the pity card or looking for brownie points, just that I think I get him. I was born to a mother who never wanted children and didn’t want to be married to my father, it was shortlived. I grew up with a half brother who has my last name but none of the blood and there is strife in our family because I hated it, when I was a child I told my mom that I didn’t want my last name on his tombstone and begged her to change it or make him change it before he could die with my name, but it was also her married name and despite being divorced, she wanted to maintain the “family unit.” I am vindictive to what my mom calls is the point of ruthlessness, even for my own family members. I don’t take disrespect lightly, I don’t forgive easily and I hold grudges incredibly well. I can be mean and selfish, especially if I feel like you’re undeserving. When I am threatened, I change and that person will do whatever it takes to survive the threat. I have grown up in an environment that has told me I must always be on guard, always expect people to want to hurt or take from me to benefit themselves, and not to trust anyone but myself. I have wanted comfort, softness, unconditional love, understanding and a place but the world told me those things only exists in fairytales. I have an exterior that is already difficult to break through but once you’ve made me angry or done something I don’t like, that exterior becomes impossible to break. My softness and fragility exists but not everyone is deserving of it, not even to see it or know it exists sometimes but the few who have managed to get past my armor, walls and defenses – it is given to them freely. I will do anything I can for those who have proven my environment and upbringing to be wrong, I try to fight for those who can’t fight for themselves but it’s because I’m healing. I used to resent those who were weaker than me and asked for help, I resented those I thought stronger than me who asked for more than what they got because I didn’t get what I needed so why should anyone else. I didn’t think I was allowed to be soft and didn’t think anyone else was allowed either because why should they if I didn’t? But as I’ve gotten older and continue to learn new perspectives, I’m evolving – it’s human nature and that’s what I see in Aemond. I see the inner child who is still angry, sad and hurt who desperately wants the affection he was denied by those who should’ve been the warmest and safest haven for him. I understand the lack of social and emotional development that drives his hatred and I genuinely believe he wants to be softer whilst also being afraid of trusting anyone with his needs because he thinks they’ll judge him or tell folks so instead he becomes fearsome, acting like he’s above it all so he doesn’t get hurt again. Whilst I know he’s a fictional character, I also know that if he were real, his emotions would be complex and he would carry so much damaging trauma that would take time to heal but could still be healed. I just recently experienced joy and laughter I haven’t known in years and I didn’t know it was still possible. My entire life still happened, my cruelty still exists, my bitterness, rage and hurt can still inform my decisions and relationships, I have trauma that can’t be explained and there are people who think I am the one taking things too far or being too sensitive but I still crave soft things, soft love and a soft life. Life has taught me it’s not entirely possible but it’s not impossible. That is why I think Aemond could be a teddy bear for the right people, why I think he would make allowances for those he loves in private that would go against his public reputation and it’s why I think he deserves it. I don’t think he’s innocent and never will be, like I am not and will not be, but I don’t think he’s heartless either. Hurt people hurt people but almost every hurt can be healed.

Thank you so very much for sharing this, anon. 💜 I won't be able to address every point you brought up but I think my answer to the larger picture here may surprise you.

Also I have to add the PSA that therapy is wonderful and I see my therapist once or twice a month and have for years. Please continue to work on yourself if you have started because Aemond wasn't fortunate enough to have psychologists in Westeros (that's not a joke).

If the ask wasn't enough, here's a trigger warning: non-specific discussion of trauma and ptsd.

I have PTSD and see a lot of myself in Aemond, can empathize with him in many ways. I choose to indulge that part of the character that I relate to in my Helaemond fics. I can understand that what I want him to be isn't what he is as Ewan portrays him in the series. My Helaemond fics are a way for me to explore those aspects even if they aren't my actual headcanon. That is the space I use to write soft Aemond. I even go so far as to reframe his experience at the brothel so that Helaena is the only person Aemond has ever had sex with.

I understand how it feels to connect deeply with a character when they seem to represent me. However, in this example, I remember that I haven't had Aemond's experiences and he hasn't had mine. I do my absolute best to not project my life onto him. The main reason I bring up how I see that Aemond's softness is exaggerated by some fics and art is because I think it can be healthy to use fiction as an emotional exercise but not everyone is as self-aware as others and might not know that by crafting a canon character into what they need emotionally they are skewing the fandom toward something far from the mark. As an example, I am very self-aware that I might write a version of Aemond as self-soothing but I compartmentalize that in my Helaemond fics. Using fanfics or characters for self-soothing is normal. However, if that is what the creator is doing, self-soothing by sculpting Aemond into what they need him to be or by presenting a projection of themselves, how does it serve the fandom overall? Why not make an OC or label it as fanon?

I'm not going to get on my soap box about that because I want to address a couple more things about your ask. I find that people on Tumblr make a lot of assumptions based on one or two posts. If you haven't read Philosopher Prince (my Aemond x ofc fic) maybe you would enjoy it. He is a human, he has depth and feelings. I'm not being argumentative, I just don't honestly know where I have ever said (your words) "but I do have to disagree about him being incapable of being soft or wanting soft things." I have made a post about a canon statement that he doesn't give a shit about tourneys and answered an ask about his sexuality where I stated he wasn't soft. I think a large problem in this "debate" is that soft means something different to everyone. You have listed quite a few things that you find to be soft and that you want but some survivors of trauma are repulsed by that softness, by those same concepts or actions. I don't believe anyone has ever asked me, nor have a publicly written about, what softness Aemond is averse to in my headcanon.

So here's the other of the 'couple' things I want to wrap up with. For me, with my particular ptsd, soft means something completely different (I mean in my real life, nothing to do with Aemond) so if I were to project my idea of this softness onto him, of how I cope with my ptsd, no one would want to read my Aemond fics because they would be so far off the mark, they would seem ooc. (We have 'out of character' as an abbreviation so we can help readers understand we are changing aspects of the canon character.) However, I think many creators don't factor in the parts of Aemond's ptsd that make him into a badass. This isn't accusatory, as I've said some people write to self-sooth and that's okay. Perhaps some of the writers softening him don't have first hand experience with trauma or their trauma is different from Aemond's. But it is important to understand ptsd does not always make someone a wounded creature to be scooped up and nursed back to health with kindness and softness. Sometimes it makes them Vhagar.

#thank you so much #i love my anons #asked and answered #aemond headcanon #aemond #aemond targaryen #hotd #house of the dragon

[gear-project]

Annon-Guy: What are your thoughts on Ky Kiske and May in terms of story, personality and as playable characters?

Just so you know, these kinds of questions are difficult to answer since you're asking me for my opinion instead of simply established facts.

For May, I know, as a character she was placed in the story for a great many reasons, not the least of which is the idea that she's a walking Queen reference alongside Sol (Brian May in other words).

In terms of her design and how she has been presented… she's a far cry different from most other female characters in fighting games that you'd usually encounter. It's not that often you see a "deliberately cute" character put in a game involving swords, blood, and violence (among other things GG was known for, early on).

It's a sharp contrast from the dark aspects GG is known for… but it is also FOR that reason that May makes for a good "foil" to the dark story being presented. Whereas Sol's past is tragic, May's past is also just as tragic, but she doesn't let that get her down and continues to move forward.

Even considering all the things that happen in May's life leading up to events in Xrd, and even meeting with and befriending Ramlethal Valentine afterwards… May has matured in to an incredible force for good, and it shows.

I'll be the first to admit that, as a character, May isn't the first pick on my list in the roster, and I am by no means a May main like someone else might be… BUT, as time went by… I "did" learn how to play May as a character… and I actually learned a few tricks in how she plays, both in old games, and more recently in Strive.

She's got tricks, she's powerful, and it takes a bit of skill to learn her, but the rewards for doing so make playing her a fun and bright experience. Even just the idea that she is a Pirate by nature, smacks of adventures and mystery and intrigue, among the many things May has gone and done over the years.

Do I think she's the best character Ishiwatari created? Not entirely. Do I think she's a good character nonetheless? Certainly. I wouldn't have the roster without her.

Moving on to Ky… it's a bit more tricky to nail down the things that Ky can do as a character.

Ky is every bit Sol Badguy's foil… so being the rival he is, he has to match the main character point for point.

When I first encountered Ky… I remember how "angry" he was in front of Sol… that was literally my first impression of him.

Sol gave a disinterested shrug and cracked his neck, and Ky "SLAMMED" his sword on the ground in rage.

You could TELL right then and there, that Ky wanted to settle his differences with this mysterous man named Sol Badguy.

I didn't know their history when I first saw this intro… but, even then, I still wanted to LEARN MORE.

Ky has always been an intense character… though the running gag is that he's mellowed out as he got older and became a father.

A father AND a King.

How many fighting game protagonists can boast those things?

I think only Ken Masters of Street Fighter fame could probably boast having similar experiences that Ky has had in his story.

Still… Ky has been through a lot, both sadness in war, and happiness in family, and he FOUGHT for his future.

He earned it, too.

And even when more people tried to pick a fight with Ky, he still stood back up and fought back.

Maybe Sol isn't Ky's "biggest threat" as MUCH as he was in the older games, but… there's always going to be some element that doesn't mesh well between the two of them as friends and as "ersatz family members".

People laugh about the idea that Sol and Ky share a connection on a family level but… even Ky will tell you, Sol is still Sol when all is said and done… there's nothing to laugh about around a man who takes things seriously.

But that's why Ky can still be himself around Sol. He doesn't have to be "softer" or "harder" than he's ever been before… because Sol knows Ky won't take his bravado.

Even if years go by and they're both old men and have tons of grandkids between them… those two will still pick a fight on any odd day there's a blue moon.

That's what rivals do. And that's a fully functioning rivalry if ever there was one.

Ky's not JUST a rival, however… he has lots of depth and history to his name.

He's a Knight, he's polite… he has connections, he's been instructed by wise old men smarter then he'll EVER be!

Ky's past is a bit hot-blooded, sure… but he's grown in leaps and bounds, enough that even Sol can accept and respect him for the man he is (despite reservations).

Now, about Ky as a character?

For me, Ky was the most fun when he could charge up his Stun Edge to Level 3 and unleash a huge lighting projectile on the screen that lasted for DAYS.

Ky's acrobatics (Crescent Slash), his agility (Needle Spike), his ability to cross people up and circle around them (Impala Hunt, Zerofied Chain, Grand Vapor Thrust, Foudre Arc), all that stuff is FUN to use.

You don't need to be a strong player to KNOW that Ky is a strong character.

That's just the basics of understanding how an all-rounder character works.

Applying everything that Ky can do to your arsenal of playstyle however… therein lies the rub.

I spent several YEARS learning how to do Dust Air combos with Ky… and to this very day, I still haven't perfected the technique.

Ky is all about mastery and technique… spacing, poking, cancels, movement, jumping, airdashes, anti-airs…

If you want to play a character who will teach you every last DROP of info that GG's mechanics have to offer… Ky is a good start.

Even if the average newbie will pick Sol Badguy as a knee-jerk response… picking Ky is a deliberate CHOICE because you KNOW you have to know a few things to use Ky as a technical character.

What Ky WON'T teach you is the things other characters get away with!

In other words… being an all-rounder means Ky doesn't have the same "easy advantages" other characters do.

Ky still has SOME things he can do very easily… but he has to mitigate those things in order to play well.

Most Ky players won't tell you that though… they keep it to themselves as a trade secret.

As a Ky player myself though… most of what I've learned was self-taught… and I'm rather proud of the wins I have achieved over the years. Even against STRONG players, I have won some hard fought matches with Ky, and that's saying volumes.

Any average GG veteran will most likely have a "Ky" in their pocket for a rainy day, so I'm sure I'm not the strongest Ky player out there by any means.

But I will say that what players DO with Ky, be it Xrd, be it Strive, be it AC+R, or even the older games… players who play Ky are interested in learning the game of Guilty Gear…

Being able to play a fun technical character like Ky is proof that you don't mind a challenge or two.

And that's all I'll say for now.

#GP talks Shop #GG Roster

[hopefulfuturenovelauthor]

Can you do an Eddie Munson hc where the reader finds out she has aspbergers (form of autism’s symptom is obsessing over everything) and Eddie reassures her that everything will be okay? An: It’s been rlly difficult for me lately bc I keep obsessing over stuff that I can’t control and ppl bully me I love ur writing so much!

Hi, I’m so sorry that people bully you. I have a brother with autism and it kills me how some people react to him sometimes. I hope your situation gets better, no one should have to handle any form of bullying. Thank you also, I’m glad you like my writing so much! Also, sorry for the wait, I’ve been a bit busy.

Eddie Munson x Fem!reader (I only refer to readers gender with her once though I think)

Please don’t copy my work. Also I had another request very similar to this so I will post it twice. Also, I haven’t checked grammar or anything, sorry.

Head cannons for the reader finding out she has Autism:

The news came as a surprise. It’s not that you thought you were normal, I mean, the person you are closest with is Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson. It’s just that you were caught off guard.

While your family knew once you did, it was up to you and your decision to tell your friends. You knew they would take it well, you just didn’t want them acting differently or weird around you, fully knowing they would only ever try to help you, but you couldn’t stop thinking about how everything might become more awkward than it already was.

There was one person you wanted to tell, but at the same time didn’t strictly because you didn’t want your dynamic to change. Not that Eddie would ever want to make you feel uncomfortable, you just only imagined how he might start watching his steps around you, changing his carefree actions entirely, and becoming the sort of person that carefully calculated and even overthought every interaction with you.

You waited to tell Eddie until you convinced yourself that he wouldn’t act any differently around you. You knew exactly where your best friend would be. If he wasn’t selling drugs or playing dnd, he was practicing guitar and learning new songs. 

You knocked on the door to his trailer a couple times since you knew he couldn’t hear you over his guitar. You waited for the music to stop, which it did, and watched as the curtain was drawn back in Eddie’s room as he peered out the window curiously. Eddie’s face instantly brightened when he saw you. He made his way to the door as fast as he could, but you heard him trip and fall over something, before reaching you.

“Hi,” he said once the door opened.

“Hi,” you said back smiling, “you look like you just face planted. It sounded like you just face planted too”

“Haha,” Eddie said, moving aside and letting you in, “maybe I did, not that it matters after all I am perfectly fine, especially now that the wonderful Y/n L/n has graced me with her presence.”

“Very funny, Munson, very funny,” you said, finding your way to his couch before sitting down on it and fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. You had been doing that a lot lately, and it was really bugging you how the stitching would become frayed if you messed with it too much.

Eddie noticed your somewhat nervousness at the moment, “hey, everything alright?” He asked, sitting next to you.

“I-um, yeah, yeah I’m alright, I just, I just need to tell you something,” you look up at him, while he sat there attentively waiting for you to continue. “Recently, recently, I was told that I have Autism, and I’ve been waiting to tell people, but I just really wanted you to know.” 

You continued to watch Eddie carefully, “I um,” he cleared his throat, “I already knew.”

“What?!” Your voice raised a bit, not that you meant it too, it was just unexpected.

“No, no, I’m sorry,” Eddie began to ramble, “I should have told you, it’s just when I went to pick you up for school that time you woke up late your mom and I talked and she told me how she was so glad that I was such good friends with you and very supportive with everything going on and how she knew you were stressing about what the doctors had told you and you hadn’t said anything yet so I just nodded and I wanted to wait until you were ready to tell me and I’m realizing now that it was stupid not to say anything and-“

You cut him off with a hug. Eddie slowly hugged back, both of you knowing that you weren’t huge into physical affection or interaction. But you always enjoyed his comfort. “Thank you,” you said into his shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” his voice was soft.

“I wanted to tell you sooner, I really did, I just didn’t want things to change,” you told him before leaning back so you could see his face.

“It’s okay, really, you told me when you were ready, and I’m really glad you did,” he looked like he wanted to reach out again, you could tell by the way his hands were gripping his jeans. You took one of his hands in yours as you changed to sit cross cross on the couch. You started to fidget with one of his rings, just twisting it around his finger, playing with the complex and pretty  looking piece of metal.

Eddie stared as you played with the ring in his hand, if you had looked up at him instead of the ring you would have noticed the faint blushing that dusted his cheeks.

“It’s been kind of hard lately. With this being my senior year my stress and anxiety has sort of increased out of my control, with the diagnosis it definitely didn’t get any better. I’ve been fidgeting more, stimming too, not that I knew that that was what I was doing before all of this. It’s just been kind of hectic. One minute I’m listening to my favorite song on repeat and the next I’m covering my ears because all the noise is too much. I’ve started baking more just because I find control in measuring all of the ingredients perfectly. It’s just, it’s just a lot that is all starting to make a lot more sense now that I know, but at the same time it’s difficult to know because it makes me feel different, but I can’t help being different and so it worries me when I’ll have even more stressors in my life like college and finding a career and stuff. I just don’t want anything to change.”

“I’m not going to change, and you haven’t changed either. You're still Y/n, you still have an awesome laugh and you have a good ear for music and you can tune my guitar by ear still and you still read and reread your favorite books over and over and you are still the most amazing and incredible person I have ever met.”

“Thank you,” your voice cracks as tears fill your eyes.

Eddie’s smile turns into a frown, “hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing,” you say wiping your eyes and letting go of his hand, “these are happy tears, these are happy tears because you are the best friend in the world and you are so supportive and I love you so much.”

“Aw,” he said, getting teary-eyed, “I love you too.” 

After that, it was much easier to tell your other friends. Nothing changed with Eddie all that much other than he let you fidget with his hands, let you borrow his rings, ‘steal’ guitar picks, and had a tape with your favorite song on repeat in his van.

In fact, unbeknownst to you, Eddie found your need to be doing something with your hands really cute. At campaigns he would instantly smile when you fiddled with your character's figure or your dice. He also secretly loved that you would spin one of his rings you had put on a necklace. 

Eddie would rock out with you to your favorite song, and as always he continued to introduce you to new music too. 

He had already been learning to play your favorite song, but when you guys would hang out at night you would lie on his bed beside him while he played his guitar for what felt like hours. On nights you felt up to it, you would even rest your head on his leg while he played. Each time you always had one of his guitar picks in your hands, moving it between your fingers in the bliss of the moment.

You even ended up making him a necklace with a guitar pick similar to the one that spotted one of his rings.

Eddie hung out at your house just as often as he always had and even helped you bake, which wasn’t always the best idea since he was messy, a little uncoordinated, and loved to throw flour everywhere. 

You and Eddie didn’t change all that much other than your affections for each other becoming a little more obvious. But you were okay with that, it was nice, everything was oh so very nice.

#eddie munson x reader #stranger things #eddie munson #stranger things season 4 #stranger things x reader #requests #stranger things imagine

[halseybellaclementine]

i linked my account since halsey does tumblr as well! so i’m back :) i love my job it’s really great money so doing well there. i bought myself a car in december - a honda which i really love ! my son is almost 17 now and he has a job as a cook and i couldn’t be more proud of him!! we have a new dog (Finn- he’s actually my sons dog) we got 2 years ago when Sparky passed away. that was a sad time. also Bella, my most beautiful baby girl- my best friend in the entire universe, passed in September. it’s been so hard without her here. but she gives me strength every day. having her was a complete blessing because she got me through the most difficult times of my life!

lately i’ve been traveling to Nashville, Atlanta, and recently to Fort Lauderdale for concerts (halsey twice) and to visit my family in Tennessee. last year i saw halsey and i was in the pit at the stage and let me tell you it was insane and so amazing!! unfortunately i caught covid after that! but it wasn’t as bad as others have experienced thankfully and i didn’t pass it to my family cause i’m a germaphobe lol. before that concert i had surgery on my right wrist because i ruptured all of my ligaments & dislocated my midcarpal joint. sadly it was from abusive relationships that i was in, and it wore down my ligaments and what-not down so far, that when i got my job with amazon, it was just a disaster and sadly had to leave that place cause i can’t use my wrist the same way anymore. constant pain so it sucks but it’s okay. i learned to deal with it. i went to occupational therapy which was nice cause i had muscle atrophy so that was wild.

i’m also very thankful i ditched all of the toxic people & things that i had in my life. i lost a lot of good people due to that whom i miss dearly and think about all of the time. i hope they’re okay but hey i know it was my fault because i let others dictate me and my life. i was too scared to stand up for myself & i paid the consequences.

in 2020 i was hospitalized once again but they diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder & it really just made everything make sense. i had to go through numerous therapy classes like s*xual assault, EMDR, DBT, grief therapy, etc. it took a long time to get on the right track but i’m finally here. it’s crazy looking back on my old posts because i honestly never thought i’d be here- i never thought that i could get to a happy place. of course life isn’t perfect, as nothing is, but i’ve learned how to cope and manage. i feel like a completely different and new person now.

anyways june 23 i flew to fort lauderdale to see halsey with a live string ensemble! it was a really awesome show! i was on the floor section in row 7 and i just so glad to have been able to see her again. the hard rock hotel and casino down there was so huge in my opinion! it was soooo amazing! the weather was extremely hot and i vowed to accept the hot weather up where i live (which wasn’t as hot as down there) but when i came back we have been under a heat wave from texas and the temperatures have been scorching hot! way worse than south florida haha! can’t wait to see halsey again!!

soon i’ll be picking up my son from work & then heading to bed! by the way i love my new bed i bought last year! so comfy 😆

wow i still can’t believe how far i’ve come. my daddy and Bella would be so proud!! anyways i should get off here. there’s so much good that has happened i’m sure i’ll post more soon.

sorry for the long post and thank you to those who took the time to read :)

#Spotify

[myadhdbot]

tldr: nothing important

just knowing you might have adhd without the official diagnosis, and no means to even get one bc where you live in doesn't take mental health seriously, is so frustrating.

i relate to most of the adhd behaviours described online. i cannot regulate my attention. my recent hyper-fixation lasted almost an entire semester and i barely scraped through all the other subjects other than the ones i was really interested in. i also lose focus easily in class unless I'm writing every word they say down. executive dysfunction is an everyday thing. i cannot stop scrolling on the internet even though i mentally list all the better things i could be doing rather than waste time every 10-15 minutes. I'm easily bored and have had meltdowns in the past so yes i 98% think i have adhd probably a bit of anxiety as well.

but without the official diagnosis my imposter syndrome makes it so difficult to live guilt free. theres always stupid thoughts in my head saying if I'm just exaggerating things (i know I'm not) but it's so hard to shut down the voice and i go into a spiral thinking if I'm just being lazy, not working hard enough to get things done on time, not trying to remember important schedules or assignments, not trying complete my assignments or homeworks or reading until the very last minute.

my issues with memory also make it incredibly hard to recall anything other than some specific instances of my childhood and everybody (esp my mom) remembers a different version of me bc i lived in a boarding school from 11-16(until covid) and i was extremely high functioning. i used to ace tests without having to read too much and my boarding school had a very strict routine that made it easy bc i knew what i was supposed to do every minute of the day but when 11th grade came around everything changed even though i was still in the same boarding setup. i suddenly didnt do well in tests bc i hadn't needed to until then. so i don't know who i was, i don't know who i am or who I'm supposed to be.

i did nothing productive during the covid year couldn't concentrate in class. i read hp fanfics all day. i couldn't even read new books, or watch tv shows or pick up a hobby or learn a language (which is an interest of mine), nothing other than reading about the same people fall for each other in a thousand different au's. this was a very important stage in my student life and i didn't give university exams properly. i can't regret it bc i don't even think about it. i don't think about anything concrete but my mind is always busy.

(i don't even know where i was going with this. does this qualify as trauma dump?)

i see people with the same problems on the internet and it does relieve me to a certain extent but there's always doubt clawing at me. also bc in just 2 years I've to get a job and i hear how office spaces are not accomodating enough for nd folks and it's scary. i also don't really like the job profile very much but it's also bc i have no real direction in life. i dream about having a book cafe but it's not sustainable nor fair to my family ig.

sundays are not fun when you're in an existential crisis (if this even qualifies as one) and i have homework to do that I could've done anytime between the last 30 hours which I've procrastinated against doing until now.

#undiagnosed adhd #adhd things? #adhd brain #adhd stuff #adult adhd #muad

[whatsvivireading]

🧡🖤A Court of Silver Flames Review 🖤🧡

3.75/5🧡

I finally picked up A Court of Silver Flames because I've Kind of been on a Sarah J Maas binge recently, I’m just so obsessed with the worlds she builds, and also because I’ve been SO scared of accidentally stumbling upon spoilers online. I would be sad to have finally caught up on the ACOTAR series, but I have SO many more Sarah J Maas books to read!

This book is primarily about Nesta’s healing journey, and is supposed to be an emotional, character driven story. It’s a lot of training and learning how to deal with difficult emotions, and coping. I’m not sure what others would call it, but it gave me montage vibes. Along the way Nesta does learn to trust people and let her family in, but she also makes new friends, her own found family that she never really experienced before. In the background of this emotional journey, the immortal queen is stirring up trouble, and they need Nesta’s help to take her down.

Nesta is primarily the main character, but it is Cassian who is tasked with training her and monitoring her progress. Nesta has been at rock bottom for some time now, and she isn’t willing to let anyone help her. And Cassian has this need to help people who are hurting, so the pair works together perfectly. Well not really, because Nesta is fighting him basically the entire book, and he just wants to see her try again. But it makes for amazing sexual tension, and when things heat up…oh damn do they get extremely steamy. Nesta faces major (and much needed) character development which absolutely wouldn’t have happened without her family's involvement and Cassian's stubborn determination.

Coming to terms with every aspect of yourself, even the dark parts, and being able to forgive yourself, and finding the people who accept you are two major themes that show up throughout the novel. My favorite part of this book really highlights being able to forgive yourself.

Page 506:

“All the things I’ve done before—”

“Leave them in the past. Apologize to who you feel the need to, but leave those things behind.”

“Forgiveness is not that easy.”

“Forgiveness is something we also grant ourselves. And I can talk to you until these mountains crumble around us, but if you don’t wish to be forgiven, if you don’t want to stop feeling this way … it won’t happen.”

This part…really hit me hard. Something I’ve struggled with for a very long time has been letting go of the past and forgiving myself. It’s still hard to forgive myself, to find myself being worthy of forgiveness, but I will never move forward if I only hang onto the past. It was also probably from about this point where I stopped finding Nesta as annoying as I did in the beginning and started to understand why she’s like this.

I have always loved Sarah J Maas’ writing style. The way she crafts her world, the scenes that turn into a movie in my head, she never fails to completely whisk me away from reality and this book is no different. The tone she uses perfectly fits the disparity and uncertainty Nests feels in the beginning of the book, and changes very slowly to hopeful, strong, and willing. It is beautiful to see, and her writing style definitely is the reason I was able to finish this book so quickly! I devour all of her books in days though!!

So, what are my thoughts on this book?

I could not stand Nesta for the first 70% of the book or so. It bothered me so much that she was in such a mindset where she really truly believed no one else would ever understand what had happened to her, when she was surrounded by Fae who are hundreds of years old, her sister who was thrown in the cauldron with her, and her youngest sister who started hunting when she was 14 to keep them alive. I know how deep this book goes into her grief and I loved reading her journey, but Nests was insufferable for the majority of the book. In the end I like her more than I did in any other book, but I still don’t love her. I also think Cassian is way too good for her, but she also thinks that so I’m not really going to touch more on that. I should also mention here, I was an only child, and I have seen a lot of people mention “big sister trauma” hitting different, so maybe I’m just more disconnected from Nesta as a character. Her trauma is valid even if I can’t understand it completely, but that doesn’t forgive her for intentionally hurt those around her over and over again.

#bookstagram #book review #ACOSF review