#I call my sister constantly and 2 of my friends nearly everyday

[iaintkissingnofrog]

I don't think I care about my parents

#it's always felt like they were doing a job #like we're work colleagues #not even work friends #cause my mom called me today and said I should call home to show that I care #then I thought oh but I just don't like phone calls #but that's not true #I call my sister constantly and 2 of my friends nearly everyday #calling my parents feels like an obligation #like a contract agreement to sustain our established dynamic #so they don't feel bad #I don't care about them more than a superficial amount #like if my dad got sick I'd feel bad #and I want him to live #but it's more from a place of me feeling bad for him #and also a fear of the inconvenience of what happens after death #especially since he controls all our finances #idk I feel like a bad person now

[dantakeyoman]

pls part 2 to neteyam defending you 🫡🤍 but this time i'd love a continuation to motherly neytiri tending to reader!! and her hinting at the fact she had seen them and their son share a kiss after trying to find out all the commotion once hearing overprotective jake lose his cool at ao'nung!

Jake Is Pissed At Ao'nung, and Neytiri Talks To You About Your Kiss With Neteyam After All the Commotion (SFW)

Part 2 of "Neteyam Defending You"

CW: my dude Jake goes crazy, starts talking really freely to the Olo'eyktan, Neytiri is so nice and caring, best wing-woman ever, jake x reader (platonic; father-daughter-ish)

"What the hell is the matter with you, boy?! I oughta fight you right now!" Jake shouted as his eyebrows furrowed, the boy doing his best to try and understand the angry, English words.

Jake always switched to English when he was mad.

It was instinct, and English had more expressive cuss words than Na'vi anyway.

"Mawhey, My Jake," Neytiri whispered, quietly stepping in front of her husband and resting her hands on his chest, her eyes flicking to the crowd of village people that started to form.

"Please. The people are watching."

The entire Sully family stood behind you and Jake, on one side of the walkway, while Ao'nung, his friends, and the rest of the Metkayina stood on the other.

It looked as if both sides were warring.

"Let 'em watch. This shit needs to be dealt with," Jake growled, carefully moving her out the way and getting ready to scream at Ao'nung some more.

"What seems to be the problem here?" Tonowari asked calmly, him and Ronal breaking through the crowd and stepping to the front.

His tone was calm, but you could see on his face that he was clearly angered with the fact that his on was injured, and the outsiders shouting at him.

"The problem here? I'll show you the problem," Jake whipped his head over to you, giving a firm nod.

You nodded back with a sigh, stepping in the middle of the clan divide and lifting your arms, putting all of your injuries on display.

The Metkayina gasped, and Neteyam had to be held back by Lo'ak and Kiri.

He hadn't realized the extent of the damage when he was carrying you, but looking at it now, he should've hit Ao'nung twice as hard.

You had hand-shaped bruises all over your arms, and one on your ankle from Ao'nung's demonstration.

Your face had a large bruise on it's right cheek, and a bloody nose from being dropped on your face.

And the statement piece of it all, the nasty, pillow-sized bruise on your side, which was leaking blood from Ao'nung's toenails.

"Your words. Treat these Forest people like brothers and sisters. I don't see this shit as very familial," Jake spat, pointing roughly at Rotxo.

"That little shit managed to squeal about everything done to (y/n). The grabbing! The kicking! THE KIDS DROPPED HER ON HER FACE FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"

Your breath hitched, silently thanking Eywa that the Metkayina did not have good English.

Ronal and Tonowari quickly turning to their son in anger, their gaze practically burning holes into the boy.

"Is this true?" the two hissed, no longer masking their rage.

And the look of absolute fear on his face was the icing on the cake.

It almost made you feel sorry for him.

....Almost.

"ANSWER!" Tonowari shouted.

"YES! It's true!" He admitted, hanging his head.

The entire crowd gasped, and Tsireya did her best to hold back tears as she looked at your injured form.

You were a very nice girl, and an incredible friend. You didn't deserve this in the slightest.

She could not believe her brother for doing such a horrible thing.

"My kids come back to me nearly everyday talking about how this kid is constantly harassing them-." "He calls us all freaks," Tuk sadly chimed, glassy eyed as she tucked her face into her mother's side, Neytiri taking deep, full breaths to keep her composure.

"But for the sake of peace, I let it slide. Well all that stops tonight! I want it to be made perfectly clear that if your son, or ANY of his little friends so much as lift a finger to ANY of my children, they will have to answer to me!" Jake finalized, resting a hand on your shoulder at the word children.

It almost brought you to tears.

You felt so loved, and protected, and safe. It me your heart swell with joy.

"Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir!" Rotxo and the other boys frantically agreed, terrified that, not only did they witness Toruk Makto's anger, but were the direct cause of it.

Everyone turned to Ao'nung to hear his response, but he stayed silent, dazed.

"SPEAK, BOY!" Tonowari shouted once again, pushing the boy forward with his staff.

"Understood!" he cried, turning his gaze down to the floor.

"Good," Jake huffed, un-puffing his chest.

"You have brought shame to this family. Go to the marui. You are grounded," Tonowari glared at his son, pointing his staff back to their home.

Ao'nung nodded, quickly turning around and speed-walking over, Tsireya following behind, ashamed.

Jake scoffed at the display, before turning to you with a softened face. "Now you. Are you okay? Wanna go get patched up?"

"Yes, sir," you nodded with a smile, quietly wincing from the pain of your bruised cheek.

"If you would accept, I could heal your daughter for you," Ronal stepped forward, apologetically bowing.

"I believe your family has done enough for tonight. I will handle this," Neytiri glared, stepping in front of you.

Ronal clenched her jaw, but nodded, turning around to follow her husband home.

"Come, child," Neytiri smiled at you, carefully taking your hand and leading you to the marui, Tuk and Kiri following close behind.

They entered, and the boys tried coming in after, but Neytiri stopped them.

"We must talk. Alone," Neytiri knowingly looked up at Jake, who nodded.

"That's alright. I gotta talk to these two, anyway," he agreed, resting his hands on the brothers' shoulders and leading them to a more secluded part of the island.

When Neytiri turned around, you were already sitting down, Kiri preparing the salves for your bruises.

She walked over and sat criss-crossed in front of you, picking up a special leaf to clean off your blood.

"My (y/n), are you alright?" she calmly asked, lightly swiping the blood from your nose.

"Yes. It looks worse than it feels. Truly," you assured, the loud wince you let out when Kiri touched a bruise quickly debunking your statement.

Neytiri sighed, carefully lifting your arm to wipe the blood from your side.

She needed to lift your spirits.

"You know," she started, a smile growing on her lips. "You and Neteyam remind me of me and his father when we were young."

You practically choked on the air you were breathing, the coughing fit you were sent into not feeling the best on your ribs.

Though it seemed like perfect entertainment for Kiri and Tuk, whose uproarious laughter could be heard from the next marui.

"I am serious," Neytiri politely laughed, halting her swipes on your side with a smile so you could catch your breath.

"He may not act like it, but your father used to be just as reckless as Lo'ak, maybe a little more."

"Really?!" Tuk asked, amazed.

"No way," Kiri scoffed with a smile.

Out of all the times he had scolded that boy, he was just as bad.

"But he was strong. He had a strong heart. No fear. Almost never hesitating to fight if needed," Neytiri continued, starting to smooth the salve over your rib.

"I see this in Neteyam."

She glanced up from her work, looking you in the eyes.

"For me, I was always calm. I wasn't as quick to fight as he, but I was still strong, and determined."

She looked back down.

"I see this in you."

Your cheeks turned a dark blue hue, despite the splashes of purple and red alredy there.

"The Great Mother knows all, and I feel she did not make this resemblance for no reason."

Was she saying what you think she's saying?

"Neytiri, what are you-?" "I am saying you and Neteyam have my blessing," she smiled.

Your breath hitched.

"Oh! I didn't....we weren't.....I wasn't-!" "No sense in denying it, (y/n). The whole clan saw you swapping spit with the boy as you came over," Kiri shrugged with a smile, teasingly poking you in the cheek, wary of your injuries.

You groaned, hiding your face in your hands, embarrassed.

"Oh, stop," Neytiri chuckled, tucking a stray braid behind your ear. "I think it is cute."

bonus !!

Jake sat down on the sandy shore, Neteyam and Lo'ak sitting on either side of him, concerned.

"You two listen, and listen good," he started seriously, his tone leaving no room for games.

The two nodded, and the man continued.

"I want you two to watch that Ao'nung kid, and his little group of friends, too. Be nice for the sake of peace, but keep your heads on a swivel. If they say anything to your sisters or (y/n), you tell me, I'll sort it out."

Jake did a quick perimeter check, making sure no one was listening in.

"But if any of those little shits so much as touch a hair on their head, I give both of you full permission to beat the living shit out of each and every one of them. Don't worry about the repercussions, I'll take the heat. But that's gonna be the new protocol from now on."

The two boys nodded firmly, giving their father a serious look.

"Understood," Neteyam agreed.

He was glad his dad was giving him permission, but to be honest, he was going to end up doing this anyway.

Today, he made a silent oath that he was never going to let you get hurt on his watch ever again.

"Alright," Lo'ak smirked, cracking his knuckles with his fist.

"And as for you," Jake started up again, turning to Neteyam.

The boy gulped, bracing himself for a scolding of some sort.

"Who taught you how to kiss like that?" his father smiled, giving his son a proud pat on the back.

"Oh, yeah! Those two were going at it! They were like-." Lo'ak jumped up from his seat, hugging himself and making kissing noises.

"Aye!" Neteyam waved off with a smile, that familiar heat rising to his cheeks.

Jake chuckled at his boys' antics, throwing his arms around each one and pulling them into a hug.

This was what a family was for. Protecting one another, caring for one another, healing one another.

Jake had no doubt in his mind that his family was, and truly is, his fortress.

#avatar the way of water #avatar 2 #avatar #na'vi x y/n #na'vi x reader #neteyam x y/n #neteyam x reader #atwow #atwow x reader #omitacaya

[bon-nii]

my opinion on the tpn adopted siblings, we dont know how the other kids grew up together. Emma constantly calls them her siblings, so we know her view. But when isabella grew up on her farm, we dont know if they were raised to think of the others as their siblings aswell, same about lucas and yuugo.

Romantic feelings between characters is not a foreign concept in TPN, and it really annoys me when people get genuinely angry at fans who ship characters together. If shipping these characters isn’t something you feel comfortable with or want to do that’s totally fine! But there is a reason why so many people ship different characters in the series, and it’s not because they like incest ships--they genuinely don’t interpret certain character’s relationships that way. Below the cut, I’ve attempted to highlight why I think shipping these characters is largely a nonissue.

Canonically, we know that Norman loves Emma in a romantic way and there is a good amount of contextual and subtextual clues which point towards Emma feeling the same way about Norman (even if she is not aware of it yet). For me personally, I cannot view the relationship between these two as simply sibling love. Norman does not view Emma as a sister. 

You would have to write an entire meta in order to accurately cover the scope of their relationship because it is quite central to the story (or, at least, Norman’s character, as it dictates the actions he makes) but here are some other, quick examples I wanted to include.

The way they cling to each other:

Norman is also very fond of cradling Emma’s face:

Norman being the one to drag Emma back to life after Leuvis impales her. She sees Isabella and her family as well, but Norman is separate from them which seems to suggest that she, at least subconsciously, views him differently:

This panel of the trio sleeping (poor Ray getting the Mike Wazowski treatment) which mirrors the Norman Rockwell painting of the married couple with their son:

To me it is very evident that they are not “siblings”, y’know?

I think you could make a case for Ray and Emma being just sibling love, but I also think you could make just as strong of a case for it not being sibling love. This one is very much up to the reader’s interpretation as it is not explicitly stated as being either, and is heavily based on subtext.

We also know that Yuugo loved Dina romantically 

In addition to it being explicitly stated, we also see that Dina’s name is the only name underlined on Yuugo’s wall, showing that she was more significant than the others in some way. Also, when the Glory Bell gang is finally reunited in the afterlife, Dina cradles Yuugo in her arms and he grasps onto her like a lifeline.

As for the ship of Yuugo and Lucas, I don’t think there is really much canonical basis for it, but it is my favorite ship of the series regardless simply because I am a sucker for ships between two completely broken people who learn how to love again through each other and the “Team Mom, Team Dad” dynamic T.T I think there is so much potential for exploration between these two characters and endless fanon content to be created.

As for how the Glory Bell kids view each other, this might just be a translation thing, but Yuugo exclusively (or nearly, exclusively) refers to the group as his “friends”, though I do think the GB kids felt like they were a family.

Isabella likely loved Leslie romantically. 

I say likely because it isn’t explicitly clear what kind of love it is, but I’m highly banking on it being a romantic love, because 1.) She refers to Leslie separately than her home/family in these panels. 2.) the two character’s for Ray’s name ( レイ ) are made of the first characters of Leslie and Isabella’s names (Leslie: レスリ , Isabella: イザベラ)  3.) She carries Leslie with her everyday through his song and lives on for his sake

The editor of the manga ships Anna and Ray, and Shirai and Posuka say that they purposefully left Ray/Emma and Norman/Emma ambiguous and up to interpretation. (I don’t have the receipts for this unfortunately because I was stupid and didn’t think to save them but I swear I’ve seen this confirmed, if someone has screenshots pls send them to me so I can add them here c: )

The point stands though that none of these characters are blood related, some of them view the others as siblings and some of them view them not as siblings. Plus, it’s fiction and, as Shirai and Posuka have said, it’s up to interpretation. Again, ship what you want or don’t ship at all. I just wanted to explain a bit about why I don’t understand why people think it is weird for others to romantically ship these characters together (not saying that you do this, of course, you sent a very polite message thank you :> )

#tpn #the promised neverland #promised neverland #ynn #yakusoku no neverland #noremma #tpn norman #tpn ray #tpn emma

[everstarry]

ethereal (2/?)

words: 3764

chapter two: the bluebell

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Althea found waking up to be easier than she expected. She woke to the smell of cinnamon. The young woman stretched in her bed under the soft linen. She arched her back and curled her toes, flopping back down onto her bed with a small huff. It made her think of a little black cat that frequented the halls of her old home. Remi used to chase it out but it always somehow managed to find a way in. Althea wondered if it missed her as much as she missed him. All she could think about were the times where she used to sneak scraps of her breakfast to the kitten. Or how she sometimes found him playing in the flowerbeds of her garden. She smiled at the fond memories of the little creature. Althea knew she couldn’t think of the kitten all day. She would eventually have to get up. She yawned and sat up, eyes blinking blearily around her suite. 

“Good morning,” Remi called from the lounge area. She must’ve heard her begin to stir.

Althea looked toward her friend’s voice before getting up and walking to the table area. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the spread of fruits, honey, and bread that decorated the top of the wood. “Did I wake up late?” she asked, popping a grape into her mouth before facing Remi.

“Not any later than usual,” Remi stood to greet her even though Althea told her time and time again not to bother. She didn’t like that whenever she entered the room Remi felt the need to stop whatever she was doing just to let Althea know she was aware of her presence. Old habits die hard and Remi’s old master was strict. “I was told to let you sleep in case you were deprived of it during the journey.”

Althea turned to the spread again and picked up a piece of the cut up strawberries that laid in a pile. “Told by who?” she asked curiously, popping one in her mouth. The red fruit was sweet on her tongue. She motioned for Remi to sit back down, grabbing for a few more pieces of the fruit.

“Cara, who was most definitely told by King Mando.” She could hear the grin in her friend’s voice as she got comfortable again. “You woke up on time anyway,” Remi pointed out. Althea was used to waking up early to tend to her garden.

“You should try the bread,” Remi urged, “It’s pretty tasty.” 

Althea looked at the knife beside the loaf of uncut bread before looking at her friend. “You already had breakfast?” she asked. There was no other reason for her friend to know what the uncut food tasted like otherwise. She nearly sighed at herself for not picking up that fact earlier. “Earlier, I mean,” she corrected herself.

Remi nodded, “I went to the kitchen and it was prepared for me there.” Althea cut two slices and slathered them in honey. She walked over and handed her friend the other piece before settling down in the seat next to her. Remi took the bread with grateful eyes. 

Althea knew breakfasts fed to the servants were nothing more than essentials which meant that Remi was probably just given a piece. Althea jokingly nudged her piece of bread with Remi’s in a sort of toast. Her friend grinned at her and repeated her action. “To us,” she said excitedly.

“To us,” Althea exclaimed and bit into her piece of bread. Remi was right, it was a little slice of paradise. The cinnamon and honey created a lovely savory flavor. She wondered if it was served everyday or just on special occasions. It was odd to refer to her arrival as a special occasion, the young princess didn’t believe she was all that special.

“Even better the second time,” Remi joked before taking another bite. Althea laughed, covering her mouth with the back of her free hand. She wouldn’t mind if she could spend her every morning like this. She felt happy and at peace, it was such a beautiful feeling. She thought of her marriage again and wondered if this would be her permanent residence or if she would share a room with her husband. Just the thought of waking up with the Mandalorian sent a sort of shock through her body. 

She realized she hadn’t said anything for a few minutes and Remi had already finished her piece and was staring at her curiously. “Promise me,” Althea looked to Remi, “That if you are ever hungry or just want more of something you will take it from the plentiful spread they give me.”

“I couldn’t–” Remi started but Althea shushed her by feeding her a bite of her own bread. Remi began to chew which let Althea talk. 

“You always go above and beyond for me. It’s the least I could do. There is no way I can finish all this food by myself anyway,” she shrugged, finishing her bread as she said it. Althea would rather share anyway, knowing that if she didn’t finish sometimes the food was wasted.

“You’re too sweet,” Remi pinched her cheek playfully between her thumb and index finger. “Then you won’t mind me helping myself to another piece of bread then?”

Althea smiled, holding her cheek, “Not as long as you get me another piece with just as much honey as my last one.”

“Of course,” Remi got right to it. She relaxed into the cushioned chair as Remi hummed a soft tune. If she closed her eyes she could almost imagine being back home in Saneca. Her new room and her old room tended to blend when she thought of home now. She supposed it was constantly correcting herself, reminding herself that this was home now. That although she could go back she was nothing more than a visitor now.

“How do you feel about exploring the garden later?” she asked, looking down at her hands.

Remi continued to spread honey on a piece of bread for her, “Didn’t we already do that?” she teased. 

Althea turned to look at her with a slight pout, “It’s not the same in the dark,” she explained. “I need to see it in the day time to see where the sun is the best and–”

“I know,” Remi turned and held out the bread for her. Althea took it, swiping her thumb across the edge of bread to gather up some honey. She licked her finger and savored the sugary substance. “You want to go talk to Kuiil about planting your marigolds.”

“Guilty,” Althea said quietly but knew her friend would still hear her. “I can’t remember if I saw any last night. Plus, he was so frazzled about me knowing so much about all the flowers he wanted to show me.” 

Remi sat next to her and began to eat her own bread. Her friend had piled her piece with a bunch of fruits. Remi hummed when she took her first bite. “I wouldn’t mind going down to the garden,” she brushed a few crumbs off her dress. “It’s not like we have all that much to do.”

Althea agreed. Back home she would often spend the day with her sisters. She supposed the only thing she had to do was to write to them. “When do you think the wedding will be?” The thought of the ceremony seemed to set her nerves ablaze. The longer she thought about the more nervous she became. Althea barely knew the Mandalorian king and she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with him.

“Soon,” Remi shrugged. “From what I heard you’re the only one for him.” Althea blushed crimson as Remi laughed. “I meant that you’re the only woman who has entered or was interested in an engagement with him. He’s going to want to marry you as fast as he can. Gotta make sure you don’t run away,” she grinned. 

“I wouldn’t,” Althea made a face as she imagined the Mandalorian standing alone in the castle. For some reason it made her very sad. 

Remi made a humming sound as she looked at her friend. “Because you like him or because you don’t want to back out of the deal?” Her blue eyes gleamed mischievously.

“It’s not like I don’t like him but my father needs the extra armies,” Althea tasted the words as she uttered them. It didn’t feel right in her mouth. It felt like something she wouldn’t say. “I was promised to him so I’m not going to back out,” she said finally.

“Even if he offered to break off the engagement?” Remi asked. “I mean maybe you have a thing for armor and a nice voice…” she trailed off.

“He does have a nice voice though,” Althea conceded with a small laugh. There was a moment of silence where Remi just blinked at her but then she burst out laughing.

“I didn’t think you would agree,” she grinned. “I’m kind of glad that you did. Now I can tease you with it.”

Althea groaned playfully. “I’m going to get dressed,” she said, changing the subject. She stood up and made her way to her wardrobe.

“Do you need help?” Remi asked, looking at Althea’s back as she rocked back and forth on her feet.

“Yes,” she said picking a blue gown. Althea knew that she needed to pick a gown that was made of a lighter material and that wouldn’t show dirt or grass stains if she decided to help Kuiil. Remi took the dress from her hands and off the hanger as Althea stripped from her nightgown. The blue dress had shorter sleeves than her other dresses. Remi soothed out her sleeves before tying the dress in the back. “Thank you,” she said as Remi crouched down to help her with her shoes. 

“You’re welcome,” her friend stepped aside as Althea began brushing her hair. “To answer your other question, I wouldn’t.” She pulled a few pieces of her hair back so they wouldn’t get in the way later.

“Wouldn’t what?” Remi gave her another pin for her hair. 

“I wouldn’t break off the engagement even if he told me I could,” she said simply, looking herself over in the mirror. 

“Why?” Remi asked softly behind her. 

She turned slightly to look at her friend. “There could be worse people to be married to.”

“You don’t even know him,” her maid said solemnly. There was something in her voice that made Althea realize that Remi was concerned. That she was worried about her princess. It gave her a glimpse into her friend’s thoughts. Althea was glad, Remi was always reluctant to sharing her worries with anyone.

“Yet,” Althea paused to brush her hand against the back of her friend’s, “I feel like I do.” She was trying her best to comfort her. “I don’t know what it is but I saw him and I just… I felt like pieces of myself—some I didn’t even know existed—fell into place,” Althea smiled.

Remi still looked skeptical. “You didn’t want to be married to him the entire journey here and suddenly, he says five words to you and you’re swooning?”

“I couldn’t explain it even if I tried. Maybe we are made of the same cosmic dust,” she met her own eyes in the mirror and gave herself a small smile. “It’s going to be okay,” Althea promised. “I’m going to be okay,” she added, knowing that was what her friend wanted to hear the most. 

Remi let out a little sigh. Althea didn’t expect her to understand when she barely understood herself. “Okay,” she relented. “Are we going to go to the garden or what?”

They took their time on the walk over so they could explore a bit more of the castle. Althea wanted to look at the tapestries and carpets and all the things she missed out on when Cara took them up to their room for the first time. Kuiil met them at the entrance almost as if he expected her to return. “Good morning, princess,” he greeted with a slight bow.

Althea smiled at him, “Good morning,” she replied. “I’m sorry for dropping by so unexpectedly,” she apologized. 

“I’d figured you’d want to see the flowers and other plants during the day with how much you were enthralled with them last night,” Kuiil smiled bashfully, straightening his posture as if he was pleased she loved the garden. 

“I think she enjoyed being out here more than she enjoyed the actual feast,” Remi teased while Althea laughed.

“I was wondering if you could point me to your marigolds,” she inquired. “That is if you have any,” she added, not wanting to make the royal gardener upset if he didn’t.

“I’m not sure if we do,” he replied honestly, ushering them down the many rows and flowerbeds. She admired all of the plants as she passed. “I think we have some violets and pansies,” he mentioned offhandedly.

“If it’s not too much to ask,” Althea began shyly, “I was wondering if you had any empty spaces or if you could tell me where in the castle I would be able to garden?” she asked. 

“I think we can arrange for your flowers to be added to the garden. I think the gesture of your flowers joining our garden is symbolic,” the gardener nodded to himself. 

“I wouldn’t want to impose,” Althea shook her head. “Besides, I don’t even have the seeds with me.”

“Nonsense,” Kuiil began. “I have spoken.” He nodded to himself again. “I’ll even let you pick the spot.”

Remi smiled, “I’ll go grab the seeds.”

“Perfect,” Kuiil began walking. “There’s a few spots that I think would be perfect,” he turned to look at her, “Come along,” he motioned for her to follow him.

“I’ll be back soon,” Remi promised before leaving the garden to get the flower seeds. 

“If you tell me how often they need to be watered or taken care of I can gladly help,” Kuiil began, ushering her to one sparse spot in the garden.

“I couldn’t ask that of you. I’ll take care of them,” she smiled. Having a small garden to take care of would allow her a taste of her home. She needed to be back in a garden to feel like herself again. “Besides, I love taking care of flowers,” she explained.

“If those are not enough to satisfy your need of gardening, maybe you can help with the other plants found in the garden,” Kuiil softly touched the leaves of the flowering plants next to them.

“I would be honored.” Althea felt her heart swell at the thought of helping the older man in the garden. She looked over the spot where Kuiil had taken care of her but felt like she needed a bit more sun. “Is there any spot that has full sun?” she asked.

“I have some by the bluebells,” he motioned for her to walk with him. “If you want to find it, I’ll grab some supplies for you.”

“Thank you,” she said gratefully. “I’ll meet you there.” When Kuiil had left, Althea made her way to where the vibrant blue flowers were planted. She crouched down to look at the soil and the spot where she thought the gardener meant. It was a perfect spot and she knew that the gold would compliment the blue of the flower planted next to it. 

Althea looked at the small weeds sprouting from the rich soil and began to pluck them. As the first smear of dirt appeared on her hand she felt herself smile. She held onto the small weeds as she continued to get the spot ready for her first addition to the royal garden. The young princess set down her small pile of weeds and kneeled down to get more comfortable while she worked. She leaned over to start working on the bluebells, picking the flowers that looked like they were beginning to droop and the weeds that tried to overtake the soil.

“Do you not like them?” She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard the Mandalorian’s voice. Althea nearly fell back in shock when she turned and saw him standing behind her. She wiped her hands free of the dirt that clung to them and hurried to stand. 

“Oh no, these are beautiful!” she exclaimed. “I was just helping, cleaning it up so it could bloom fuller as the season continues,” Althea blushed, embarrassed that he caught while she was so disheveled. He didn’t seem to mind her state as he bent down to pick up one of the delicate flowers she had plucked from the plant.

“Cara told me that I would probably find you here and that you liked flowers.” His voice was honey smooth and she wanted more than anything to hear more of it, more of him. 

“Yes,” she replied breathlessly. “Kuiil is letting me plant some of the seeds I brought with me… I hope that’s okay with you,” she added timidly. Althea looked him over and wondered if he was hot in the dark clothing and armor. The sun was shining bright, she could feel the heat as it settled over her. Though, there was a slight breeze that gently swayed his cape.

“If I would have known you were coming I would have prepared the garden for you,” the Mandalorian admitted. Althea found she nearly closed her eyes to savor his words. They seemed to cover her exposed skin in a way that made her yearn for more. 

“Thank you, my king,” she breathed, bowing her head slightly. “But your garden is already beautiful.” She meant it. The garden at Saneca wasn’t as big as the one before her and she found that she was in awe at the number of flowers that covered the land.

The Mandalorian seemed to want to say something but refrained from doing so. “Has everything been to your liking?” he asked finally, something close to concern dripping from his voice. 

“Perfect,” she smiled, clasping her hand behind her back as she swayed slightly. “Is there anything you need me to do?” Althea asked, wanting more than anything to be helpful.

“No,” he started and then sighed, “Yes.” Althea gave him a confused look. “The Queen Mother wants to speak with you,” he explained. She picked up the disdain in his voice.

“Your mother?” she asked, hands falling to her side as her heart dropped to her stomach. He seemed to wince at the question, as if those two words had burned him.

“Sort of,” he twirled the stem of the flower in his gloved hands. “I think it’s about our wedding,” he added, sounding at least a bit more hopeful. The way he said ‘our’ made her heart skip a beat. 

“I was expecting that,” Althea laughed softly, trying to put him at ease. It seemed like the Queen Mother was a touchy subject. “I have some ideas about what I wanted but I wanted to make sure those were okay with you,” she paused, trying desperately to gage his reaction when he realized that she wanted to please him more than anything. The young princess also wasn’t sure if there was traditions that she needed to abide by. “But I’m sure she’ll help guide me through some of the tougher decisions.”

There was huff of air that came from the helmet wearing man, she wondered if it was a laugh that escaped him. “Don’t let her bully you into anything you don’t want to do, Althea.” The way he said her name made her shiver. She wondered if he noticed. “I hate thinking that someone like her would take advantage of you,” his voice was soft again which made her cheeks dust with a rosy pink.

She held out her pinky before she could stop herself. “I pinky promise,” she heard herself say.

“Pinky promise?” he asked, helmet tilting to the side. The rasp in his voice was still there even with the teasing question.

“As in, I promise I won’t let her walk all over me,” Althea mumbled, somewhat embarrassed that she still held out her little finger to him. Even though her sisters told her to never mumble, even though she only pinky promised her brothers when she was much younger than she was now. “I’m sorr–”

The Mandalorian suddenly wrapped his pinky finger around hers. It was awkward because of his glove but he gripped her finger tight in his own. “It’s a promise then,” he breathed out.

“Promise,” she agreed with a smile. Althea leaned down to kiss her thumbnail, his finger seemed to tighten around hers and his eyes followed her every move. She found that she enjoyed being watched by him. She leaned away.

The Mandalorian cleared his throat. “Please don’t feel the need to apologize to me,” he began. “There was no need.”

Althea hummed. “What if I do something awful or I mess up?” she asked. “Then I would need to apologize to you,” she teased. 

“There is nothing you could do that I would ever think warrants your apology.” For some reason, his words made her sad. It made her think that he thought he didn’t deserve any of her grief or sorrow. All she could see was the lonely Mandalorian in his dark castle. He let her pinky go and the distance between them seemed to grow. Althea wanted to reach out just to hold on to him, just so he wouldn’t slip away. “I told the Queen Mother that you were busy today but that only means she’ll said someone to fetch you in the morning,” he said. King again, almost not the person she was just talking to.

“Okay.” She fought to keep the frown from forming on her face. Althea didn’t want him to know just how sad that had made her. She wanted to protect him from her own feelings. 

Silence filled the space between them, and the Mandalorian king looked down. He stretched out his hand to offer her the wilting bluebell. Althea noticed a slight tremble in his gloved fingers. She looked at him but found it was impossible to tell where he was looking, if he was even looking at her at all. “It goes with your dress,” he said simply.

She weakly smiled, “Thank you.” Althea took the flower from his hand as if he offered her something precious, in a way he did.

taglist: @munted-llama @bittersweetamor

#ethereal #ethereal everstarry #everstarry #series #the mandalorian #mando as king #mando #mandalorian x OC #mando fanfic #cara dune #kings and queens #medieval #fantasy au #au #not set in stars wars universe #althea #bluebell #lots of honey #bluebell to signify love #din djarin #din djarin x oc #mandalorian x ofc #dyn jarren #fanfiction

[anarcoqueer1994]

Please Don't Go: Chapter 2, First Date

Still working on my next chapter for my platonic Trans Tarty fic but since this is all written and I'm just sharing on here, hear is this in the meantime. I wrote it a while ago. Hope you like it!

Cyrus Goodman had asked TJ Kippen to be his boyfriend one month ago today .

TJ still could not believe it. Cyrus was everything he has ever wanted. He was sweet, smart, cute, and he cared for TJ in a way no one has before. But TJ would be lying if he said this month hasn’t been an emotional trip. On one hand, things with Cyrus have never been better. In public, it seemed like their "friendship" was just as strong as it has always been. The only difference being that both boys seemed more aware of their own bodies.

They were more self conscious of all the little touches that come so natural for them. They would notice their arms swinging too close together, their hands lingering a little too long when they would touch, and even their eyes staring at the other boy. This used to seem so normal for them, but now that they were dating, it became almost scary to do these things. Both of them were not ready to come out. The only people that knew Cyrus was gay were Andi, Jonah, Buffy, and obviously, TJ. For TJ it was even less, as the only people that knew were Cyrus and TJ’s older sister, Amber. And absolutely nobody knew that they were dating.

After what Kira started, neither one of them wanted to accidentally out each other by acting like more than friends. That’s why their little touches and lingering eyes became such an issue. Kira could obviously tell how the boys felt about each other within moments of hearing them interact with one another. What if others could tell too?  They decided that the best thing they could do to keep their secret was to place boundaries between them when they are with other people.

On top of this, Kira is also not letting up on TJ. She is constantly trying to get into TJ’s head. The coach told her that since there is girl’s team, she cannot be on the boy’s team. So now instead of putting her energy towards getting on the team, she is focusing all her time on tormenting him. She will wait for him to be alone and remind him that he is different. She will sometimes bring up how weird it is that he and Cyrus are so close. She would do little things to hurt him. Anything she does in front of others is so subtle, that others don't notice. For example she brings up cute girls while talking to him around other students, and puts him in awkward situations. For a random onlooker, it would look like small talk, but TJ knows she is doing it to get a rise out of him. He doesn't know why she enjoys making him feel bad. The one upside is that Kira has no proof that he and Cyrus are together, so for now at least, his bullying is private. TJ prefers that to the whole school knowing.

He doesn't tell Cyrus that Kira is still bothering him either. TJ does not want  him to worry. Besides Cyrus had his own things to deal with. For one, since they haven't told the GHC(+Jonah), that they are dating, they could not really explain what led to them being friends again. He could feel their glares whenever he would hangout. Part of him gets it though. To them, he was a jerk who keeps letting down their best friend. But nevertheless, Cyrus is now stuck in the middle. He has to keep their secret while defending TJ. Cyrus wanted his boyfriend to be able to hangout with his friends without them hating him, even if they did not know that they are dating. TJ kind of felt guilty for putting Cyrus in this situation in the first place by ever giving them a reason to be mad.

Despite all of this trouble, TJ would not trade this past month for anything. No matter what was happening with other people, when they were alone, it made it all worth it. Sometimes they would escape to the swings, and just spend hours talking, and if they were sure no one was watching, they would steal gentle kisses. Sometimes, they would take over TJ's apartment when both his parents and sister were at work. They would cuddle on the futon in the living room and binge TV shows together. It really didn't matter where they were, as long as they were alone together, it was like they were the only people who existed.

Cyrus really did make him the happiest he has ever been. His beautiful, dorky boyfriend always knew the right thing to say to make him feel like he really mattered. That is why today, on their one month anniversary, he wants to make Cyrus as happy as Cyrus makes him feel everyday. It is a Saturday but he put the first part of his plan into action the day prior.

************

Yesterday had been a particularly hard day for him. Kira was in his math class. Usually she ignored him and waited until after to torment him but that day she started at him early. She had sat behind him. They were assigned some in class problems to do. She was pretty good at math and wanted him to feel even worse. Whenever she noticed he was struggling, she would say stuff like “Only an idiot could mess up this problem” and “Wow these are so easy!” She would only say it loud enough for him to hear.He had been working so hard in math and she was able to dash any confidence he may have felt about being able to do a problem. He ended up losing his temper, crumbling up his paper, and turning in nothing. He could not even look at Coleman as he left.

He had walked home with Cyrus, Buffy, Andi, Marty, and Jonah. Cyrus’ friends didn’t help his mood, but to not worry Cyrus, he pretended to be oblivious.  He could tell the others did not want him there but Cyrus kept smiling at him with his big brown eyes glowing, so he could ignore the annoyed looks. Eventually everyone broke off heading to their respective homes, leaving him to walk with Cyrus the rest of the way to Cyrus’ stepmom’s house. As they stepped onto the porch, TJ nervously smiled

“What is it, Teej? “ Cyrus said as he swung his hand up gently to take TJ’s as they stood across from each other. Both boys instinctively looked around to make sure no one was watching.

“Nothing, Muffin.” He noted the way Cyrus still blushed when he called him that. He liked that he had that effect on the guy that he cared so much for. “I am so happy whenever I am around you.So…” He let his words han in the air for a moment. ‘I was wondering if you would go on a date with me, tomorrow?”

“Like a real date?” Cyrus furrowed his brow in a way that makes TJ swoon every time. Cyrus’ voice though was unsure as he continued. “Aren’t dates out in the public? What if someone sees us?”

“Don’t worry, I have that covered, just be at the bus stop on Main Street at 9am tomorrow, “ TJ saw the look of curiosity in Cyrus eyes as they've stared at each other. “It is going to be a surprise, I know you are going to love it.”

Cyrus smiled and nodded. “Alright I trust you. I have to head in. See you tomorrow?”

“Yea, tomorrow." TJ grinned like an idiot, before placing a light kiss on top of Cyrus’ head, and turning to walk away.

************

The big city nearest to them was about a 30 minute bus ride from Shadyside. That is why TJ asked Cyrus to meet him here at the bus stop.  Cyrus had gotten there at 9am sharp, to find TJ waiting on the bench. He took a seat next to his boyfriend, careful not to sit too close in case someone was watching. TJ turned his head and smiled at the other boy.

"Hey Underdog," He lowers his voice. "Happy one month of officially being us."

Cyrus liked the way that TJ remembered something as small as a one month anniversary. He loved that TJ wanted to make today special for him. He whispers "Happy Anniversary Not-So-Scary Basketball Guy."

Both boys sat in a comfortable silence as they waited for the bus. TJ knew Cyrus wanted to ask where they were going but both boys knew TJ wasn’t going to budge. All he wanted to do was surprise Cyrus with the best date ever. When the bus pulled up to the stop, both boys got on with TJ paying both their fares. He had saved all his money from the gym(he only worked 12 hours a week) the past month to pay for this date. Cyrus was usually picking up the tab because he knew the Kippen family wasn’t nearly as well off as him. But today TJ wanted to handle everything.

As they took their seats in the back, TJ slid into the window seat. He looked out the window and noticed clouds overtaking the sun. Great, rain . He thought sarcastically. He thought about what else may come if it storms. He was a little nervous, but brushed it off. He turned to Cyrus, who was smiling obliviously, and said "There goes that sunny day."

"It is okay, as long as I am with you, it doesn't matter. Today will be great." With that, TJ melted. Cyrus always knew what to say to make him feel better.

************

When they got out the city, it was still so cloudy. It looked like it would storm any moment. TJ pleads with the weather quietly to hold off until they get to where they are going. The bus stop is a block away from where are heading. No one knows them here and TJ is excited to actually go on a real date with Cyrus. He smiles at the shorter boy as they step off the bus. As they stand on the crowded sidewalk, TJ takes Cyrus' hand. He stares for a moment to make sure it is okay. When Cyrus does not pull away, TJ takes that as a hint to start walking. Both boys felt a little braver out here where no one knew them.

TJ pulls Cyrus down the street, weaving in and around people coming towards them. As they get closer to the mystery place, TJ gets more excited, and by the look on Cyrus' face, he feels the same. After a few minutes, the place comes into view. TJ stops at the bottom of a large set of steps. Cyrus' eyes grow large as he looks up at the building before them; The Natural History Museum.

Teej! Really?! I love this place. I haven't been here in years." His eyes light up as he gets more excited. "You are amazing."

"I'm glad you are happy. I figured you could show me all your favorite dinosaurs." TJ smiles softly. "Let's go." TJ pulls him up the stairs. He pulls the tickets out of pocket and hands them to the man near the door.

As they enter the museum, they are immediately surrounded by large skeletons of animals that long been dead. TJ doesn't think he has ever seen Cyrus look so excited. He begins to talk about all the different types of dinosaurs, and the time periods, and everything else that at one point TJ wouldn't of cared about. He is pretty sure Cyrus could make him care about anything.

They wander around the museum for about an hour. Rain had steadily started hitting the rooftop,  the small droplets working together to echo through the museum. It was raining pretty heavy now, and TJ silently began to get nervous again of what will come next. Cyrus noticed the tension in TJ's face and stopped talking about the Allosaurus skeleton they were staring at.

"What is it?" He said quietly to the slightly older boy.

"Nothing..." He lies. Right as the word leaves his mouth, a loud burst of thunder sounds, shaking the museum. TJ instinctively clenches his eyes shut and squeezes Cyrus' hand harder than intended. His cheeks turn red as he notices Cyrus staring.

"I'm sorry..." he whispers, almost too quiet to hear. TJ looks away while still holding Cyrus' hand. Another burst of thunder sounds, making TJ tense again.

"Teej" Cyrus reaches up to his face to get him to turn his head. When he sees TJ's eyes, he recognize fear in his beautiful green eyes. He hates to see his boyfriend afraid. "Are you afraid of thunder?"

TJ looks embarrassed. He can't bring his mouth to form the words he wants to say. He knows Cyrus won’t judge him for something like this. But he is not used to being the one with irrational fears. He wishes he wouldn’t wince every time the thunder boomed. He can’t help it. He has been afraid of thunder for as long as he can remember. He doesn't know what about it makes him feel so helpless. Most of the time, he finds himself hiding under his covers with his eyes shut, waiting for the storm to end. But he can’t do that now. All he can do is try and put on a brave face and ride it out.

Cyrus interrupts his thoughts. “It's okay to be afraid, you know?” His voice is soft and understanding. “I’m afraid of a whole lot of things. Remember the flamingos? That is way weirder” He laughs trying to cheer TJ up. TJ wishes Cyrus wouldn’t put himself down, though. This day was supposed to be all about Cyrus, but here he was trying to make TJ feel better. TJ felt a little bad about that but could not focus on that very long.

The thunder hits again, this time even louder. The storm must be pretty bad. TJ wishes he could disappear so Cyrus wouldn't see him like this. He was supposed to be the cool, fearless jock but right now he felt like a wimp. He wanted to always be brave in front of his boyfriend. Cyrus doesn't seem to care though. He is only concerned with being there for TJ.

Cyrus runs his thumb soothingly over the TJ's strained knuckles. He whispers "I have an idea…", before pulling TJ to a little bench off to side of one of the large skeletons. He pulls out a pair of earbuds from his pocket and plugs them into the jack in his phone. Cyrus flips through his Spotify with his free hand as TJ sits apprehensively by his side, squeezing his hand with every boom from outside. Cyrus settles on a playlist called "Songs That Make Me Think of TJ". TJ sees the name, and for a moment he smiles, before the thunder outside reminded him of its presence.

"Put these on, sweetie." Cyrus says quietly, careful not to draw attention to them. He would hate to embarrass TJ. He knows the other boy is feeling self-conscious about his fear. TJ takes the earbuds and puts them in his ears. TJ trusts Cyrus more than anyone in the world, so he will do whatever Cyrus says. With that, Cyrus hits play and turns the volume all the way up. He takes his other arm out of TJ’s hand and wraps it instead around TJ's waist pulling him close to him, and holding tight like he will never let go.

The loud, bubbly music blocks out  a lot of the noise from the thunder. Cyrus’ arm wrapped around him, pulling him impossibly close, gives him something else to think about.They sit their for a while. Though the museum is full of people, it feels like they are alone there. His heartbeat is still crazy fast, but the reason is much different now.It was no longer pounding because of fear. Instead it is fluttering from the nerves he feels because of Cyrus. He feels so lucky to have him in his life. He blushes as he listens to the songs that he know Cyrus picked out for him.

What he doesn’t notice, is how happy Cyrus seems to be because of him. Cyrus is just staring at  him, smiling as he holds the taller boy against him. Cyrus hopes that TJ knows that this relationship is not one sided. TJ truly makes him happy. That’s why he was so worried when TJ was scared. He never wants fear to cloud over those soft, green eyes. He will personally fight away any fear for his boyfriend.

After about forty minutes, the storm has seemed to pass. TJ had taken to leaning his head against Cyrus’ shoulder, even if some slouching was involved to get into that position. Cyrus almost hates to end this but know TJ has other plans for them. He softly shakes TJ o get his attention. The boy takes out the earbuds and sits up. Cyrus grins and says “The storm is over, how are you feeling?”

“Much better…” He blushes and looks at the ground. “Thank you...for..um...making me feel safe.” TJ internally rolls his eyes at his own words. Why did he say that out loud. He sounded so weak.

“No need to thank me. What are boyfriends for, right?”  Cyrus’ smile could light up the entire room.

“Right.” TJ really can’t understand how Cyrus manages to make him feel so great, even when he wants to feel bad about himself. He thought about telling Cyrus about what was going on at school. He decided against it though. He already made too much of this date about himself. He stands up, and grabs Cyrus hand again. “Let’s get back to these dinosaurs. There are so many you still have not told me about.”

************

After spending a few more hours at the museum, the boys headed to a restaurant around the corner and had lunch. They strolled through the city for a bit before realizing it was close to 5 and that they should be at least heading back to their town. On the bus ride back, Cyrus rested his head on TJ’s shoulder. Usually Cyrus would be worried about this but today he was feeling a little braver than usual.

TJ walked Cyrus home after they got off the bus. Cyrus’ street seemed vacant when they turned onto it, so they risked locking their pinkies together as they walked. TJ felt like he was on top of the world. Even with the thunder earlier, today had felt like the perfect day. He kept shooting glances over at Cyrus, taking in every detail. He memorized the way Cyrus looked right now with the late day sun shining through the trees onto him. He almost looked angelic, like he was too good to be a mere human.

Without thinking, TJ stops and cups Cyrus’ cheek, making it so they are staring at each other. He just needed to get a better look. TJ surveyed every part of the shorter boy’s face. It was like everytime he looks, he finds something else to love about it. He felt like the brown eyes staring back at him could peer into his very soul. The boys stay frozen in this stance until they hear a soft rustle of some bushes. They both immediately retract from each other, and look around. Neither of them see anyone, but they keep their distance the rest of the walk home, just in case. TJ silently beats himself up for slipping like that. He can’t be so careless.

As they step up onto Cyrus’ front porch, they can finally breathe again. They are covered by a large tree in his front yard that blocks parts of the porch. “Thank you for a wonderful time today, Teej.” Cyrus smiles.

“I should be thanking you, You really came through for me today.” TJ used this as opportunity to show Cyrus how thankful he really was. He leans in and brushes his lips against Cyrus, waiting for permission to deepen the kiss. Cyrus responds by pulling him closer, pushing their lips together more. They eventually had to come up for air, and pulled apart.

“Wow, I don’t think I am ever going to stop being nervous when you do that.” Cyrus said blissfully.

“Right back at you, Underdog.”

Tag List" Let me know if you want to be added or removed. @abg-blah @kippens-a-goodman (Did not know if you wanted to be here or just the other story. I will totally remove if you didnt want to be tagged.)

#andi mack #tyrus #first date #canon accurate until after costume day

[weeaboo-horror-stories]

I am bisexual.

When I was in the 4th grade, at age 11, I met this really cute girl. She was about, what, 4'6 ft tall? She was actually my classmate, but I was always socially awkward. It's a long story, but we eventually became friends. She was REALLY smart and hardworking (in our school, if you're an honor student, you're REAALLY smart.) while i was lazy and average. Of course, back then we were still children. (Btw let's refer to her as "Maki" instead) We both loved anime, and we were total weebs. At that time, I was obsessed with Hetalia. I influenced her to watch it, she was a shugo chara fan. Anddd so she also got addicted.

Anyway, I was pretty fond of drawing, and people saluted me for my skills. Maki worshipped me like a God no im sERIOUS and called me "sensei", because i gave her lots of tips. She overestimated me too much. To the point where she neglected her studies just to talk to me. Although, I myself did not notice that. She always told me that she never had a true friend, and I was her first friend. She always told me that she loved me, and that we will forever be friends until we die. 

Her mother started to notice the big drop of our grades, and blamed me for it. She also started talking back to her, although Maki said that she did that back before we were friends.

Fifth and sixth grade came by, (i am from asia, 6th grade is our last year in gradeschool, but we still remain at the same school.) and her mother's anger at me grew, for Maki's behavior became "worse", as Maki explained. She forbid her to see me, and I was hurt. But she still constantly followed me, we were inseparable. 

Her mother even asked for a transfer of section in 6th grade, just for her to get away from me. But that didn't work either.

I didn't understand, she still remained an honor student, so what's wrong? I was hurt.

So one day, I confronted her. I wasn't rude, if that's what you're thinking. But she screamed at me and demanded at me to leave her daughter alone right in front of the school's catholic church. She called me a demon. Everyone in the school was looking at her with shame, and looking at me with pity. I shaked the tears off, I didn't want her to see me cry. I left afterwards in tears, it wouldn't stop. The only thing that cheered me up was a friend that went with me in the car (because no driver). She was my childhood friend (first friend too. We've been friends for almost 12 years) let's refer to her as Aka.

I never realized I was bisexual until freshman year came. But that's where the real thing comes.

At that time, the school year was ending, and I told her that maybe we should be apart

I had two reasons for saying that.

One, is because I didn't want her to get hurt anymore. Her mother abuses her. It just hurts me to see her hurt, and yet still smile. 

Two, is because I felt odd. I think about her everytime, I go nuts when I don't get to talk to her for a day. I felt so crazy that I didn't know what it was. I had a crush on a boy back then at 4th grade, but the feeling was different somehow. I was so confused. 

When I told her to break it for the 3rd time, we did. But afterwards, we came by again. She told me that she was so sad. I didn't know what to feel, so I smiled at it. It was March. 

My weeaboo phase ended at that month.

I started to watch different things like the vampire diaries...etc.

Afterwards, I have come to the thought that I had feelings for her, so I told her that we should be acquaintances starting our first year of highschool.

When we found out the people we will be classmates with, I told her to be friends with a certain person (lets call her Eli?)

And so she did.

But, I realized how jealous I was after nearly a month.

She made a bunch of friends, while I...made nothing. But that's not why I was jealous

I was jealous because I wasn't with her everyday like we used to, it's not the same anymore. I felt ignored. So I sent her a message. And she answered with

"Heya~ Recieved ur text but ddnt recive load, im NOT trying to ignore you though, i thought we were aquaintances and yes i knew u helped me a lot and i appreciate u for that but you dnt hav d right to tell me whether to make friends or not, because we have our own lives n i do wat i want when i wanna do it n i wanna make friends so what? I actually did make lots this first few weeks of school already. Plus i dont think we can relate to each other anymore.. I love hetalia & anime still but u've gone out of d fandom n went to TVD n PLL, im not really interested in that though,sorry.I still belive dat anime could be real while u think their jst living in ur comp screen. Im not trying to judge ur opinions because i respect ur opinions owo scouting is actually fun though, its not boring nor tiering at all, its pretty fun >w< i luv it. Believe it or not i still miss you but i dont think we can relate. I hav 2 study everyday n night, my grades matter to me, so please dnt say im trying to ignore u by not going to fb, i jst hav 2 study thats y. I cant be on here all the time n i barely hav time to get on here because im trying to make up for my failing ones.. n my phone dsnt lyk recieving load idk y. btw i sti believe my friends wnt leave me and yeah thats all i gotta say bye see u :)"

I felt offended..somehow

So I confronted her, told her that I wanted us to be friends again. But she didn't want to, for she already got a new set of friends. And of course, I wanted to cry. But I didn't want to show it. 

I wanted to shout. 

There was another message, it was her apologizing for offending me. Of course, I didn't see that message. But I confronted her the day before, I think she was offended. No...she IS offended. I felt baddd 

I don't want to reveal anything else, but I sent her a total of 20+ apology messages through deviantart and facebook from July to March of 2014. 

I was seenzoned, and there was so reply.

I cried every night.

I felt so obsessed, stalking her through every site.

I was friends with Eli, and I asked her about what Maki thinks of me. She said that Maki didn't want to talk about it, but she disliked me. Ouch. 

Although, Eli DID say that Maki had an older brother and an older sister who was married, but I knew those were big lies. She only had one sister, which was younger than her. I can't believe she lied, she wasnt the type of person to lie.

At January of 2014, I met a guy from the higher batch (can we call him vans). He made me realize that I was bisexual, that I loved Maki.

So, at April of 2014, I sent her my last message. I even confessed to her that I had a crush on her.

But at October (or so) I sent her another message through deviantart, admitting all faults.

I didn't expect her to reply, but when I checked my deviantart page again, she replied.

I'm too lazy to look up what she said, but she said that she forgave me, asked me how I was, and all. But she sent another message that said that we couldnt be together again, but we are good now.

I was so happy that I cried, screamed, and burried myself in the pillow. Literally. 

Until now, at sophomore year, I still see her. We're still not classmates, and our classrooms are far from each other, but each time I see her..my heart still tends to ache.

We are from different clubs (she is from the english club, while I am from the art club. If the art club wasn't so full, I think we would've been clubmates.)

Next school year, I have a horrible feeling that we will be classmates, due to the fact that I am pretty sure we took the art course. Our school will sort us by course next year, and I'm not sure what I will do if I were to be her classmate once more. Will I breakdown and cry in front of her? Or smile at her, and fall for her all over again? It's not fair. I still want to see her. 

I hope her mother will accept me one day, and I will be able to be close to her once again. I am okay with being "just friends", I just don't want to be apart from her. I hope she understands. 

Maki, if you're reading this, thank you. Thank you for letting me experience being loved, feeling loved. I'm sorry for being such a horrible person back then. Thank you so much.

[redkiteradio]

From Around the Web: 20 Awesome Photos of best piano keyboard for beginners

Correction Appended

On an album of bittersweet childrens tunes that she wrote over ten years in the past, the woman who arrived to generally be acknowledged only as being the piano Trainer made available what, in hindsight, looks as if an eerie glimpse of her very own potential.

Im relocating away currently to a place so far-off, in which no person understands my name, she wrote during the lyrics of the song termed Shifting.

When she wrote that song, she was younger and vivacious, a piano teacher and freelance songs writer who cherished Beethoven and jazz, sunsets and river Seems, long walks and everything about The big apple.

On a kind of beloved walks, via Central Park in the intense Solar of the June working day in 1996, a homeless drifter conquer her and tried to rape her, leaving her clinging to lifetime. Once the attack, the words to her track came genuine. She moved absent, out of New York City, from her old lifetime, and all but her closest friends didn't know her title. To the rest of the world, she was — similar to the a lot more renowned jogger attacked in Central Park 7 yrs previously — an anonymous symbol of an city nightmare. She was the piano Trainer.

Now, over the tenth anniversary on the attack, she is celebrating what appears to be her full recovery from Mind trauma. She's forty two, married, with a little little one. She is Kyle Kevorkian McCann, the piano Instructor, and she or he wants to convey to her Tale, her way.

Her medical professional explained to her it might just take a decade to Recuperate, and Sunday was that talismanic anniversary. I sense my lifetime has been redefined by Central Park, she reported several times ago, her voice soft and hopeful. Right before park; following park. Will there at any time be described as a time when I dont Feel, Oh, This can be the tenth anniversary, the eleventh anniversary?

She spoke in her modest ranch residence inside a wooded subdivision inside of a Big apple suburb. She sat inside of a eating space strewn with toys, surrounded by images of her cherubic, dark-haired 2-yr-old daughter. A Steinway grand loaded fifty percent the room, and at a person place she sat down and performed. Her enjoying was forceful, but she seemed embarrassed to Participate in more than a few bars, and shrugged, in lieu of answering, when requested the identify of your piece. She questioned that her daughter and her town not be named.

She phone calls that working day, June 4, 1996, the working day when I was damage.

Hers was the initial inside of a string of assaults by a similar person on 4 Ladies around 8 times. The final victim, Evelyn Alvarez, sixty five, was crushed to Dying as she opened her Park Avenue dry-cleaning store, and ultimately, the assailant, John J. Royster, was convicted of murder and sentenced to existence in prison.

But the assault around the piano Instructor is the a person folks look to remember one of the most. A part of the fascination needs to do with echoes with the 1989 attack to the Central Park jogger. But In addition it frightened individuals in a method the assault within the jogger didn't because its situation were being so mundane.

It didn't happen in a remote A part of the park late in the evening, but in the vicinity of a popular playground at three from the afternoon. It could have occurred to any individual. The tension was heightened because of the mystery in the piano academics id.

For three days, as law enforcement and Medical doctors experimented with to understand who she was, she lay inside of a coma in her hospital mattress, nameless. Her parents ended up on trip and her boyfriend, also a musician, was in Europe, on tour. Lastly, certainly one of her learners acknowledged a law enforcement sketch and was able to determine her inside the medical center by her fingers, simply because her experience was swollen further than recognition. The law enforcement did not release her name.

The last thing she remembers about June four, 1996, is giving a lesson in her studio condominium on West 57th Street, then Placing her extended hair in a ponytail and going out for the stroll. She will not don't forget the attack, Despite the fact that she has listened to the accounts of the police and prosecutors.

To me its like a reality I realized and memorized, she stated. As if I had been a scholar in school learning background.

She would not take into consideration the man who did it. I may have been indignant for a second, although not much longer than that, she claimed. How could I be angry at John Royster? He was declared not crazy, but I assume by our criteria he was.

Dr. Jamshid Ghajar, her physician at Ny Medical center-Cornell Clinical Centre, as it was regarded in 1996, told reporters that she experienced a ten percent chance of survival. Health professionals had to remove her forehead bone, which was afterwards replaced, to help make room for her swelling brain. When her mother built a public attract pray for my daughter, hundreds did.

Soon after 8 times, she came from a coma, to start with within a vegetative condition, then in the childlike state. As she recovered, she slept minimal and talked regularly, in some cases in gibberish. I used to be obtaining mad at men and women if they didnt reply to these words and phrases, she stated.

Like an Alzheimers individual, she had small limited-phrase memory and would neglect visitors the moment they remaining the area.

More than a number of months, she needed to relearn tips on how to stroll, gown, read and produce. Her boyfriend, Tony Scherr, visited everyday to Enjoy guitar for her. He inspired her to play the piano, against the advice of her Actual physical therapists, who imagined she can be pissed off by her incapability to Perform the way she when experienced. Mr. Scherr played Beatles duets with her, enjoying the remaining-hand part while she performed the right.

Which was my best therapy, she claimed.

In August, she moved again house to New Jersey, with her father, an engineer, and mother, a schoolteacher. She frequented previous haunts and called pals, hoping to revive her shattered memory. I had been extremely obsessed with remembering, she stated. Any memory reduction was to me an indication of abnormality or deficit.

Her therapists imagined her development was terrific, but her two sisters protested that she was not the deep thinker she had been.

What bothered her most was that she experienced shed the chance to cry, as if a faucet inside of her brain were turned off. One night, 9 months immediately after she was hurt, she stayed up late to look at the John Grisham Motion picture A Time and energy to Destroy. Just soon after her father had gone to bed, she viewed a courtroom scene of Samuel Jacksons character on demo for killing two men who had raped his young daughter.

The faucet opened, and also the tears trickled down her cheeks. I thought of my dad and mom, my father, and what they went via, she mentioned. Very little by minimal, my experience returned, my depth of intellect returned.

Urged by her sisters, she went back again to highschool and bought a masters degree in songs schooling.

Not every thing went very well. She and Mr. Scherr break up up five years after the assault, even though they continue to be close friends. She dated other Adult males, but she constantly told them with regard to the attack right away — she couldn't assistance it, she said — and so they never ever called for just a next date.

We have to locate you anyone, her Mate David Phelps, a guitar player, explained 4 decades back, right before introducing her to Liam McCann, a computer technician and newbie drummer. For once, she did not say just about anything regarding the attack until eventually she obtained to learn Mr. McCann, after which you can when she did, he admired her energy.

Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, who experienced often frequented her at her bedside even though she was during the medical center, married them in his Moments Sq. Place of work. She wore a blue gown and pearls. While she was Expecting, inside a burst of creative imagination, she and her friends recorded Even though Ended up Young, an album of childrens tunes that she experienced created before the attack, including the track Transferring. Her ex-boyfriend, Mr. Scherr, created the CD. On it, her husband plays drums and she plays electrical piano.

Is her lifestyle as it had been? Not precisely, while she's hesitant to attribute the variances to her accidents. Her final two piano students still left her, without contacting to clarify why, she reported. She has resumed participating in classical audio, but basic pieces, due to the fact her daughter does not give her time for you to follow. As for jazz, I dont even test, she said.

She would want to travel more, sensation stranded while in the suburbs, but she is definitely rattled. She tries to be content with keeping residence and caring for her daughter.

Dr. Ghajar, a scientific professor of neurological medical procedures at what's now identified as New York-Presbyterian Clinic/Weill Cornell Healthcare Middle, who operated on Ms. Kevorkian McCann after the assault, reported last week that her volume of recovery was unusual. Shes in essence regular, he claimed.

Other specialists, who will be not Individually accustomed to Ms. Kevorkian McCanns circumstance, are more careful.

Regaining the opportunity to Engage in the piano may well entail an Nearly mechanical system, a semiautomatic recall of what the fingers need to do, stated Dr. Yehuda Ben-Yishay, a professor of clinical rehabilitation drugs at Big apple University Faculty of Medicine. As soon as brain-injured, you will be generally brain-injured, for the rest of your daily life, Dr. Ben-Yishay reported. There's no treatment, There exists only intense compensation.

The more telling Section of a Restoration, in his perspective, is psychological, and on that rating he counts Ms. Kevorkian McCanns relationship and little one as a substantial victory.

For her part, the piano Trainer understands she has adjusted, but she has made her peace with it. I used to be form of a hyper —— I dont know if I was a kind A, but I used to be bold, she claims. Why was I so formidable? I had been a piano teacher. I dont know very well what the ambition was about. I really did come back to the individual Im alleged to be.

[nygmasexual]

synpaths meme ⋆

was tagged by @endless-nygmobblepot. thanks, babe!

rules: put your characters in order you relate to most to least, tag any of your tumblr friends you think would want to do this after doing it, and explain why you relate to each synpath “character”. 

judy hopps { zootopia }

↳  so no matter what kind of person you are, i implore you: try. try to make the world a better place. look inside yourself and recognize that change starts with you. 

1. yeah, shes an animation, but shes also the main source of reason why i am the person to this day. judy longs to make the world a better place, to prove others wrong that she isn’t some token bunny and worth so much more. it isn’t about looks, its about trying and to just be yourself. 

2. shes a female heroine with both flaws and strengths, just like everyone else. she believed in the importance of always giving everything a shot and making an effort to reach your goals, no matter what. 

3. her passion towards the police is what inspired me to make the world a better place and just show that life isn’t all that cynical and dark. there may be bad times, but good moments are yet to come. 

diana prince { wonder woman }

↳  I will fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. 

1. “i cannot stand by while innocent lives are list.” this quote will always be my number one motto. when i hear about all of the shit going down in the world, it just fuels me to persue my dream even more. i don’t just wanna sit around while innocent people are dying, i want to make a change. to shine a bit of light in a dark situation. call me cliche, but it’s true.

2. diana tends to throw herself into dangerous situations. she jumped into no man’s land without thinking twice. she is moved by the suffering of the people and fights their fight for them. whenever my friends are going through a hard time, i’ll be there for them no matter what. they may not want me around in fear that i’ll be hurt in return, but thats the least of my worries. 

3. selfless, incredibly brave yet stubborn, but also a role model to all sorts of people. the world isn’t gonna change unless you make some sort of improvement with it first. diana, along with judy, are the reasons why i’ll be joining the army and pursuing my career in peacekeeping. 

tony stark { iron man }

↳ i’m just a man in a can. 

1. not a lot of people will agree but let's be honest. tony is constantly judged and classified to be a villain and isn’t well liked by others. in my opinion, he's just trying his damn best and people tend to forget he's just a human being. mistakes happen, its part of life. but we learn how to grow and to improve by fixing those mistakes. its how we learn, and he does a remarkable job at illustrating this.

2. the reason why i relate to tony is because i know what it feels like to do a mistake and people still holding that against you. trying to redeem yourself is hard to do when you are constantly surrounded by negative people, makes you suffocate and not feel worthy which isn’t fun. but luckily, i learned who are my real friends and i’m gonna stick by them no matter what. love you guys. 

3. tony has a lot of self-hatred for himself, people tend to forget that. he covers up his vulnerability by using humor and giving off sarcastic replies, he hides behind a mask just to keep up everyone’s moods and to not appear weak. in reality, he’s just afraid of what people would think of his true colors; afraid to be judged and afraid to even open up to the right people. hes believes that acting like he doesn’t care makes him appear strong. he’s also a self-destructive type of person and would probably sacrifice himself to make others happy.

eddie kaspbrak { it 2017 }

↳ they’re my friends, and you’re not going to steal my friends just because you’re scared of being alone.

1. has an over protective mother and was neglected to do quite a bit of stuff. friends were the ones who pulled him away from that sort of negativity. in this case, my mother wasn’t nearly as bad as eddie’s mom, it was more my grandmother but i wont bore you with the details.

2. one way at home but another way with friends. at home i was pretty much a good kid, but with my friends all i do is fuck around and cuss sooo fucking badly, its ridiculous. parents weren’t fan of friends and tried to cut them out. father’s not in the picture anymore. used to have a terrible case of asthma but found comfort from friends and got over it.

3. the mom friend out of the group; making sure others are well and if something is up they’ll totally fucking come to the rescue. 

( i’m sorry i’m not going into full details with this one! i just relate to him a lot and it’s pretty personal stuff! )

richie tozier { it 2017 }

↳ it...it says I’m missing.

1. richie is a very fun sort of character, he just doesn’t let out a lot which i totally relate to. acts tough, but is actually a huge softie. can be rather loud and obnoxious one moment but also can be a cry baby the next. i’m pretty sure all of my friends can agree that i’m pretty much like this majority of the time. 

2. uses humor to cover up true emotions. hates the feeling of vulnerability and looking weak. whenever a crowd is down, most likely will try to cheer people up and make a stupid joke or two. tends to platonically flirt with all friends and considers friends to be their #1 family.  

3. loves horror movies but has a shit ton of fears. a big fear of mine is to be forgotten, like with richie’s fear of being missing. anything can happen and it would suck if i didn’t leave a mark in this world or in anyone's heart, since a lot of people touched mine. 

4. someone also once said i resemble richie a lot when it comes to looks {probably black hair and the brown glasses} but jokes on them i’m taking it as a compliment now man!

ivy pepper { gotham }

↳ words always hurt me way more than sticks or stones.

1. this one would be short and simple since i’m sleepy and the squad really wants to see the post. for starters, ivy looks like an adult but shes actually a child. what a mood since thats fucking me everyday. she gets babied around a lot and is treated as if she’s either stupid or weak. i relate to this since i normally do get babied around in general; either it being school, friends outside of tumblr, etc. 

2. she’s actually really fucking strong and badass. is a protective little plant sister and deeply cares about her family, who are her friends. pretty eccentric, wild, which makes her fun and different compared to others. also shes out serving looks and calling out people, bless.

3. ivy can be a little devious at times, a wild card. but she can also be quite selfish and a little bit ditzy at times when it comes to some sort of things. you can tell shes trying her best though, trying to make herself known and to show others that they shouldn’t take an advantage of her.

dustin henderson { stranger things }

↳ SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!

1. this will be short and sweet cause it’s quite obvious why i relate to this bean! he’s a huge comic book junkie, to the point he’ll randomly quote something entirely dorky from either a book or a movie. he’s just so much like me and i love it. 

2. best friends are important to him, the same for me. in the show he has like four while for me i got seven and i see nothing wrong with that. would probably sacrifice myself if anything were to happen to them, which says a lot.

3. has a terrible fucking habit when it comes to swearing, very much like me. fuck is probably my only vocab and my favorite word to use for any situation. he tends to wear bright, silly colors and only gives a shit about food. wow, what a mood.

harry hart { kingsman }

↳ sorry about that, needed to let off a little steam.

1. harry is someone i really want to be when i grow up. he’s so fucking cool, a good role model, and kicks fucking ass so casually while still looking like a babe. 

2. he has a liking towards butterflies and longed to do something with his interests, but instead went to the army. this relates to me; i admire animals and wanted to be a zoologist for a long time, but instead i’m gonna pursue my career elsewhere. 

3. i have been told from a lot of people i’m a really good listener and tend to give good advice, so if you need anything, i’m here! just drop a message and i gotchu. like harry- he is normally seen in the movie giving good advice and showing that he’s a fantastic listener. but, its also important to listen to what he has to say and provide some advice of your own. he may look big and tough, but he’s going through a lot and doesn’t let out a lot about themselves. 

THIS WAS ALL SO DEPRESSING BUT I SWEAR I’M ACTUALLY REALLY CHILL (OR SO I HOPE) EWUOFJFTGV

#squadfam #synpath #personal #me #i dont even know why i took my time to do this i'm stressing #dont judgeeee #i might delete later. dont kill me #judy hopps #diana prince #tony stark #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #ivy pepper #dustin henderson #harry hart

[nyruratchet]

Notes 2 - Feelings

I just got done watching the documentary on Kevyn Aucoin. And I keep shaking my head at all these bystanders who say, “I was too young to understand I could help.” Sorry, but youth should not be used as an excuse. I don’t make excuses. Life happens. If I make a mistake, I own up to it and try to move on. 

I WISH I allowed myself to make mistakes as a kid. I had so much pressure put on me after age 6, that I never really had a full childhood. My parents separated when I was in 2nd grade. My sister was still a baby. So in all of my “free time” I usually had to take care of her. Summer, nights/weekends when my mom worked OT, etc...I still resent that a bit.  My mom moved into my great grandmother’s house; me, I went to live with my grandmother. Yes, we didn’t live together for nearly 4-5 years. I had to sleep in the bed with my grandmother or uncle or aunt as there was no other room in the house. The first day I came to live there, my grandmother said, “here are you drawers for your clothes. I’m not gonna baby you. You will be ironing your clothes for school every night.” So I did. There was no option. If I didn’t wake up for the school bus, she left me. From her point of view, she had raised her kids already. So, even though I was a favorite grandchild, I was not going to hold up her life.  I made my cereal in the morning. And when I came home and was alone, i had to cook my own food.(This is the reason I’m a good cook now.) I grew up quick at 7 years old. 

But I was already an old soul. I remember the first boy I ever had a crush on. And, when I realized it was a BOY. His name was ryan, he was my friend (sort of). We were playing tag, and there was a moment when both of us locked eyes...he had this look of knowing what I was thinking, then ran fast away. From that moment, we never spoke again. We knew. Without words. We knew. But I hadn’t reached puberty, so I still thought I liked girls too. So, I didn’t dwell on him too long. HA! that ended 2 years later. Yup. At 9 years old in 4th, I met this beautiful boy RJ. took my breathe away and rushed blood to other areas of my body. I was done. I mean, there was a bit of a struggle to figure the whole lust/love thing out. But as a no nonsense kid, it didn’t take me too long. It also helped that RJ was my friend. We always sat by each other in class, talked about music and weird stuff and he was just an all around good person. (I never stopped wanting him through grade school.) I realized again, that I’d never have him. But this didn’t hurt too much...

BUT by 7th grade, I fell in love with the first boy the ever made time stop for me. Julian (btw, I’m using real names because I’m not sharing any of their private info/experiences. They never did anything with me. Also, there is no need to lie.) Julian was SO nice to me. He knew, he told me (sort of) later that he’d known how I felt; they always do. But I could never have him. And it killed me. The first time I saw him...he walk in to Mrs Dickinson’s English class with his friend Joey (hated him) and I was paralyzed. For anyone who remembers 8th grade year, yes. I loved him even though we dated the same girl. (There was a brief moment I thought I was bi. NOPE!lol) So in high school, I was the high school pageant king. His girlfriend was in the female version of the pageant. So, I had to spend time with her and if she won, I’d have to announce and possibly help crown her. This night moved in slow motion. I had to watch her walk across the stage with the boy that made me cry each night through no fault of his or mine. So, when she lost, I was kinda happy. But he came on stage to say hi to me and said I did a good job hosting. I just said “thanks” and ran off stage because tears was beginning, and I didn’t want to break down in front of him. 

But of course, the busybody I was, I was on the dance committee in HS (I did everything in HS; student council, dances, prom, car washes, clubs, plays, talent shows, choir, homecoming, EVERYTHING...except sports. But I could have.) So, I was one of the main people planning the Valentine’s day dance (V-day as I now call it.) That night was painful. I spent all day helping the DJ set up, blowing up balloons, hanging streamers, setting up punch, making decisions to help make this dance special for couples...all the while knowing I’d have to go alone. Then like a ton of bricks on my heart, in walks Julian and HER. I hadn’t realized. I was too busy. I should have prepared for this. But, I just didn’t think. I couldn’t leave though. This was my event! I had to see it through and help clean up after. So, I dance the big group dances and showed of my skills on some of the other hip hop songs (you think I can dance NOW, shoulda seen me as a teen lol) and kept my bench warm near the punch bowl. This is where I first realized that there may not be anyone for me. Senior, in high school, never been kissed, never been on a date, planning the dances/prom but never asked to go. I felt so alone. To the point I told my best friend that I didn’t want to go to the prom. Her response, “Ummm...didnt you help plan it?? I respect whatever you chose, I respect. But I think you’ll regret it if you don’t go to your senior prom with your friends.” I went. hated every moment of it. But back to love, there were crushes throughout my life, but I have always known the difference between lust, infatuation and love. I loved him. And til this day, I always will. But like the little adult I was, I graduated and tried to let it go. Now he’s married. And still trying to get my first boyfriend.

But constantly I’m being told I’m not worth it. Guys just fuck me and ghost me. I’m all good if you tell me it’s just sex. But don’t say you want to see me, take me out, date me, cuddle me, etc and then hurt me when I believe you. I don’t get that. You can’t say ur single but post pics of you and another guy “chillin” then say you two aren’t dating “exactly.” I had only loved 3 guys in my life. Julian, Josh, Paul...and then he comes along right when I thought I could be done with love. Now I’ve fallen for someone who messaged me everyday for WEEKS, said he missed me, and then just over night flipped the script. Awesome. So, I’m in pain. My heart has been hurting for a month and there is nothing I can do about it. My dear friend invited me to Boxers last week and almost started crying at the bar during DRAG RACE. Yeah, real attractive... When I love, I love for real. It doesn’t take me long. So, I understand when everyone THINKS i’m just infatuated but I’m here to tell you all, I’m not. I have hook ups; I flirt; I fantasize; I’ve even tried the fuckbuddy thing. I can compartmentalize like NO OTHER. So when my heart says, “he’s it!” I know it’s real. Sadly, it’s never reciprocated. So it leaves me thinking that all I have worth anything is momentary feelings and body. No guy wants my love. My love isn’t just feelings. It’s all encompassing. I give my time, my body, my trust, my shoulder, my loyalty, my everything.  But what do I get from them (in the short time I have their attention)?

Nothing more than feelings. 

#love #unrequited love #hurt #pain #time #adolescence #feelings #alone #dating #streamofconciousness

[rewritetwilight]

Chapter 9 part 2

The week passed with Edward almost constantly by my side, either during class, at lunch, or after school when we all headed back to their house for a few hours until I excused myself to go home. I didn’t like to leave, and Alice would always beg me to stay, but I didn’t want to risk them in any way. I also made sure that Edward and I were always with the others and it was only when he drove me to school in the morning and home at the end of the day that I would allow myself to be alone with him. We usually drove without talking, listening to music and enjoying each other’s company. I would hold his hand and close my eyes, filling myself with the feel of his presence and never needing to occupy the space with words. Once at my house, he would help me out of the car and walk me to the front door. Then he’d kiss the back of my hand and tell me “I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.” I lived for those words and, each time he said them, for a moment my heartbeat would quicken. I spent the evenings with Charlie when he was home from work or at La Push when he was working late. Nighttime runs with the pack were my favorite. On Friday, we were sitting down at lunch when Alice came bounding into the cafeteria and up to our table. “Bella!” she gasped. “Yes? What? Alice, why do you have crazy in your eyes?” “You said that we could have a sleep-over this weekend and I had the best idea ever! Oh my gosh, it’s going to be so great! You are absolutely going to love it! Let me just tell you-“ Rosalie turned to me “We should have a birthday party for you this weekend.” Alice stared, shocked, at her sister then pouted and sat down. “But my birthday isn’t for another week.” “Yes,” Rosalie continued. “But we figured that you would be doing something with your dad next weekend and since we already agreed to hang out it would work out better.” I sat for a moment. Besides discussing it with Edward on Monday, I hadn’t given my birthday much thought. Edward took my hand. “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.” Alice looked like she was about to fly across the table in protest but Edward shot her a look and she sat back down. My mother and I had never done much for birthdays since I didn’t have any friends and never wanted a party. Instead she would bake me a cake (of which I would always try to choke down a few bites) and place an antique silver tiara on my head. It had been used for a wedding and subsequently sold at a second-hand shop, bits of the veil still clinging to the metal. She had replaced all of the clouded rhinestones with pink fresh-water pearls and it only came out on birthdays. Whoever wore it was “Queen for the Day” and could have anything they desired. On my mother’s birthday I would clean the house from top to bottom and bake her lemon squares, which she preferred over cake. On my birthday, she would play card games with me. On both of our days we’d hit the antique shops and buy something we normally never would. My last birthday I got a flatbed credit card imprinter. She had laughed when I picked it out but I loved the chunk-chunk sound it made when you swiped it back and forth. I’d let it go at the auction. The last thing she had picked out was the red umbrella. “I don’t want to make a big thing of it,” I told them. “Oh come on,” Emmett argued. “It’s not like you become an adult everyday.” “Tell us whatever you want and we’ll get it!” Alice chimed in. The only thing in the world that I wanted was my mother but I choked that down. “No cake,” I said. Alice’s face dropped. “No presents. No party.” Alice was nearly beside herself. “But-what-why…?” “We already got you something,” Jasper said. “Well, okay fine. But nothing else. Can we please just hang out and that’s it?” Alice quickly stood up. “Of course,” said Edward. Alice petulantly sat back down.

That evening I fretted over how I would handle this. When I agreed to Alice’s request to spend the night, I hadn’t thought about it actually happening. I’d never spent that much time with other people. What was I going to do? Charlie came plodding in the door just after 8:30 and I met him in the kitchen. “Hey. So, um, Alice Cullen asked me over for a sleepover tomorrow and I, uh, was wondering if I could go?” I could only hope he would say no. “The Doc’s daughter? Yeah, sure. Glad to see that you’re making friends at school.” He took off his coat and hung it up and for once I wished that he was more strict and didn’t let me do whatever I wanted. “Okay, thanks,” I said and went upstairs. “You hungry?” he called up. “I already ate.”

I spent the next day in the forest, filling myself for the coming evening. I’d had the foresight to agreed to head over to their house after 7:00, saying that I was having dinner with Charlie so I wouldn’t be expected to force down a meal. Alice wouldn’t tell me what we were doing, only told me to expect a “full night of fun!” At least I wouldn’t have to pretend to sleep.

#twilight fanfiction #rewrite twilight #twilightrewrite #twilight #sorry it's so short #i've been busy

[miss-scientia]

Tagged!

I was tagged to do this by @rubyreddemise a couple of days ago, so here it is! Also, if you haven’t done it yet please feel free to do so, consider this me tagging you! 

Age: 22  Biggest fears: Spiders and heights, the future (last year of uni, yikes!) and not being able to support myself financially. Current time: 22:06 Drink you had last: water Everyday starts with: checking my phone for texts/notifications! (Also cuddles❤). Favourite song: I can’t just pick one! I love loads of different types of music as well, but my favourite band it Fall Out Boy! Ghosts are real?: I’d like to think so! (nice ghosts anyway!) In love with: My boyfriend, books, video games, batman, captain america.  Jealous of: financial stability and those on my course who have already secured jobs. Also, people who are healthy, like seriously can I borrow some of your immunity? It’s like I’m constantly ill 😩.  Killed someone: Hell no, what kind of question is that? 😧 (Like even in fiction, I can’t bring myself to kill anyone!) Last time cried: Nearly earlier on from the sweet messages I got when I needed it!  Middle name: Paige. I hate it, it doesn’t fit with the rest of my name. 🙄 Number of siblings: 2 brothers!  One wish: To be able to live happily within my means.  Person you last called/texted: My boyfriend.  Questions you’re always asked: Hmm, I used to get asked a lot if me and my best friend were sisters! But at the moment it’s all just practice iterview questions. Oh, and also lots of great requests! ☺  Reasons to smile: My family and friends, my amazing partner, my dog! The flat that I live in, books, writing, loving something passionately! Song last sang: Heathens by Twenty One Pilots. Time you woke up: 9:00am this morning! Underwear color: Black and white stripes. Vacation destination: I’d like to visit Japan, Australia, Cyprus, Italy… I’m not really picky tbh! 😂 Worst habit: Biting my nails. (Oh and continuing to believe my crippiling self-doubt, but hey ho! 🤷🏼‍♀️) X-rays you’ve had: My wrist and my wisdom teeth. Your favorite food: Oh my God this list could go on. But my top top top foods are pizza and ice cream. Though Pad Thai is really getting up there. And I really like chicken too… Gah, stop. Zodiac sign: Libra! People I tag: All of you who read this! Haha, that is if you want to! You can say I tagged you, I like reading these!

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