#I honestly loved the show even tho it was unhinged

[moomeecore]

id like to preface this with the fact that bc i haven't updated the app (and don't use desktop) tumblr not only won't let me participate in polls, but won't even let me SEE them. i can't even see what the question is. i can see images & notes & that's it. anyway only getting to know abt polls from comments & ppl posting abt it is actually SUPER funny. currently the funniest shit rn is the tumblrwoman polls. bc i didn't hear anything abt them until ppl started talking abt marceline vs vriska LOL and i know almost NOTHING abt homestuck. but an insane amnt of ppl where confidently and angrily declaring that vriska is THE tumblrwoman and marcy couldn't possibly compete. so i was like "oh ok. guess vriska will win then. im a huge marcy fan but idk shit abt vriska, and im seeing a ridiculous ratio of comments declaring how vriska WILL win vs occasional comments saying someone will vote for marcy. so good for vriska whoever she is. hope she's cool" and then apparently marcy WON?? so this recontextualizes things sm for me, who just imedietly had gone "oh ok, people seem really passionate abt vriska winning, guess she's gotta win". turns out this newfound information is pinpointing, to me, that vriska fans are just super annoying /lh

#ik ppl r saying 'vriska only lost bc ppl voted against her out of spite. so in the wnd she REALLY won' #which is funny but also. idk man i dont know shit abt vriska. if i got the opportunity id vote for marcy. not out of spite. bc i love marcy #ppl where saying like. 'oh vriska content is everywhere on tumblr marcy couldnt even compete' #which is funny bc like. u know this site is mostly self curated rigjt #i see TONS of marcy content #and honestly. i see homestuck stuff occasionally but not enough to have recognized vriska #like. i had heard her name before. but didnt even know what she looked like and honestly. dont rlly remember now either #shes not one of those characters frm smthn i dont read/watch/etc who i learned abt second hand bc ppl where so obsessed w them #im sure ive seen art of her here amd there but i dont remember her #and ironically. marceline is ABSOLUTELY a characyer who i learned abt second hand long before actially watching at #like i only started watching at like a yr ago #but i not only recognized marceline years prior #but knew basics abt her characyer and backstory #just frm ppl talking abt her! lol #i even did fan art of her long before ever watching the show bc i thoight her design was cool #bonus comment tho. betty grof of adventure time should get to be a tumblrwoman too #shes unhinged and evil and weird and autistic and deserves appreciation for this #text

[starsainzjr]

Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x singer!reader Faceclaim: Hwang Yeji Requested: Yes No

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yourusername Shanghai, China

Liked by bingbing_fan, j.m, lewishamilton and 723,911 others

yourusername My favorite tour stop! Thank you for such a warm welcome Shanghai! Can't wait to see you tomorrow night!

View all 100,639 comments

bingbing_fan Such an incredible show! You're an amazing amazing performer YN, cannot wait for tomorrow night

yourusername You're so sweet, thank you! bingbing_fan Thank you for the tickets!

j.m Cannot wait to play with you next week.

yourusername Going to be an incredible show!

jiminsmints I still refuse to believe I managed to get tickets for this concert it's going to be legendary

ynyln_fans Seriously! It's actually insane we're going to get to see them on the same stage

l.h.eight Lewis???? What are you doing here?????

lewismylove I feel like my worlds have collided. I had no idea he was an YN fan

forzalewis My fangirl Twitter senses are tingling

lewishamilton

Liked by mercedesamgf1, mission44, yourusername and 692,211 others

lewishamilton Shootout done and dusted. Good result, starting P3. Excited to see what we can do tomorrow.

View all 162,922 comments

mercedesamgf1 Huge result! Looking forward to the rest of the weekend 👊

f1 Absolutely legendary performance out there once again

silverarrows44 Merc come back 👀

redbullsroad No. No. I like the energy tho silverarrows44 No you're right I'm delulu

l.h.eight Oh so this what the Red Bull and Ferrari fans are feeling this season

forzalewis Just give it a season, you'll feel better silverarrows44 No don't remind me 😭

ynyln_fans YN?? What are you doing here???

forzalewis Maybe my theory isn't that crazy after all...

yourusername Shanghai, China

Liked by bingbing_fan, j.m, lewishamilton and 739,228 others

yourusername Night one! What an incredible performance in front of an even more incredible crowd. Thank you so much, Shanghai!

View all 109,226 comments

bingbing_fan Amazing show, just like I thought it would be. And an amazing performer!

yourusername Always love having you in my crowd! Thank you for coming!

j.m Just half of what's coming. Can't wait to bring it tomorrow night

yourusername It's going to be absolutely legendary!

ynyln_fans I still refuse to believe this is going to happen. And that it's tomorrow night. And that I'm going

jiminsmints You and me both 😭 jiminsmints It's easily going to be the best night of my life

forzalewis Lewis in the likes again. Let my man cook

l.h.eight I'm invested in this now. Less painful than whatever it is that's going on on the track

mercedesamgf1 China

Liked by lewishamilton, georgerussell63, yourusername and 561,229 others

mercedesamgf1 Sprint day. Let's do this

View all 90,283 comments

georgerussell63 Admin do I still get the candy you promised me

mercedesamgf1 Yes but you actually need to leave me alone and go get in your car in order to make that happen silverarrows44 Merc admin is getting progressively more unhinged and I honestly love it. I'm here for it, I support them

l.h.eight Lewis always looks amazing. I love this man

mercedesamgf1 We love him too silverarrows44 At least someone does l.h.eight Oop-

ynyln_fans YN liking the team posts?? 🤨

forzalewis Postpone the grippy sock vacation maybe I'm not delusional

yourusername and j.m Shanghai, China

Liked by j.m, bingbing_fan, lewishamilton and 891,243 comments

yourusername Absolute favorite night of the tour this far. Without a doubt. Thank you so much @/j.m for playing with me and giving such an incredible show to everyone who came out!

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j.m Thank you for inviting me. Could not have wished for a better night. Can't wait to do it again

yourusername The loudest I've ever heard a crowd. We're absolutely teaming up again soon!

jiminsmints I don't have a voice

jiminsmints I screamed so loud when he popped up and just straight up appeared through the smoke

jiminsmints I really don't have a voice

ynyln_fans Neither do I but that was easily the best night of my life. Hands down

forzalewis GUYS

forzalewis THIS IS NOT A DRILL

f1wags Shanghai, China

Liked by 30,118

f1wags This photo was captured by @/lewlewlemons and posted about by @/forzalewis on Twitter. The photo was taken outside the venue for YN YLN's second show in Shanghai where she performed with Jimin. Several other fans have posted about interactions with Lewis at the concert and have said that they saw him dancing and singing along in his private box at the venue. Are we going to see another WAG in the paddock soon?

View all 7,164 comments

lewlewlemons He was the sweetest person ever. He was in a rush but still paused to take a picture with me when he saw my hat

f1wags We've always heard that he's a wonderful person to meet!

forzalewis I would look to point out that my theories were not unfounded and do in fact that traction. Just for the record so no one calls me insane

ynyln_fans Yeah this is allowed. I like Lewis, we can have Lewis

yourusername Shanghai, China

Liked by bingbing_fan, j.m, lewishamilton and 800,119 others

yourusername Last night of performances and a bit of entertainment for before the show. Thank you so much to everyone who came out to see me and @/j.m perform. It really means the world

View all 112,304 comments

j.m I've only ever seen you get excited like that over racing

yourusername Can you blame me? My team is having a good weekend

mercedesamgf1 Superstars of different worlds 🤩

yourusername Oh my god this is the best day of my life mercedesamgf1 Check your inbox! We hope to see you tomorrow! j.m I'm not even in the building anymore and I heard her scream

ynyln_fans She's just like me fr

forzalewis OH MY GOD ITS HAPPENING

lewlewlemons STAY CALM. STAY F*CKING CALM

yourusername posted a story

yourusername

Liked by j.m, lewishamilton, mercedesamgf1 and 582,034 others

yourusername One of the best weekends ever. Thank you so much @/mercedesamgf1, I can't wait to come back!

View all 129,339 comments

j.m I am never going to hear the end of this, am I?

yourusername Nope! You're lucky I'm not dragging you along with me to be entirely honest. j.m Truly a miracle

mercedesamgf1 It was a pleasure having you, happy to be able to give you such a good result! You might just be our good luck charm!

yourusername Count me in for next weekend then!

ynyln_fans I'm living for her F1 girlie era

l.h.eight She's gonna look amazing in red, just saying

lewlewlemons I'm crying it's about time Lewis gets someone good for him. They're both so sweet

forzalewis Okay, okay. Just because they're lining up does not mean they're dating. But....

lewishamilton

Liked by mercedesamgf1, yourusername and 628,025 others

lewishamilton Great feeling to be back on the podium. Let's keep it rolling into Miami.

View all 201,188 comments

mercedesamgf1 What a drive!

silverarrows44 So this is what Red Bull and Ferrari fans have been feeling all season. It's nice, I like it

l.h.eight I feel as though we can't get used to it unfortunately silverarrows44 No but we can really enjoy the feeling of it right? For now?

yourusername Thank you for an incredible show! Can't wait to be back!

lewishamilton Thank you for an amazing show too! It's only fair. See you next weekend! lewlewlemons Good fucking bye

lewlewlemons They're probably not even together yet and I'm already willing to give my life for them

forzalewis Let's just ponder the YN and Roscoe content we have the potential to receive

l.h.eight You do have a point there

yourusername Miami, Florida

Liked by j.m, lewishamilton, mercedesamgf1, and 799,292 others

yourusername Welcome to the weekend @/mercedesamgf1

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mercedesamgf1 Let's get it started!

yourusername Cannot wait for this!

j.m Am I ever going to hear the end of this?

yourusername Nope! And you're already signed on for touring next year, no backing out of it now j.m I'm pretty sure you weren't supposed to say anything about that yet yourusername 🤷‍♀️

ynyln_fans I don't know what to freak out about first. The fact that we're getting more YN and Mercedes content this weekend, or whatever the hell they just revealed up above

forzalewis That's a very good point. I, for one, am paralyzed right now

lewlewlemons The day that Lewis makes an appearance in these posts is the day I die

forzalewis Real

yourusername posted two stories...

yourusername Miami, Florida

Liked by lewishamilton, j.m and 900,294 others

yourusername Nothing to see here, just hopping a flight with the most recent race winner

Comments on this post have been limited

j.m So that's what the screaming I heard was

yourusername I HAVEN'T STOPPED WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

lewishamilton All thanks to my good luck charm

yourusername Look what you've done. I'm blushing now lewishamilton Then come over here and lemme fix it

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All photos from Pinterest, Instagram, or Google Images

#f1 fanfic #f1 social media au #f1 x reader #f1 x you #social media au #lewis hamilton social media au #lewis hamilton x you #lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton fanfic #lewis hamilton

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Fighting has been an important narrative vehicle for Eddie’s character over the years. It’s always about his deep emotional life, Big Feelings, and the stuff he won’t or can’t even look at, consciously approach and/or deal with out loud. Eddie’s cage fighting arc in season 3 was all about him wrestling with grief and feelings of inadequacy as a husband and father. That arc was also wrapped up in Eddie’s feelings of abandonment brought on by Buck’s lawsuit against the LAFD.

The OG Kitchen Scene in 309 was monumental for so many reasons. Eddie and Buck had a vulnerable and intimate conversation about everything that happened and they repaired the rift caused by Buck leaving Eddie (and Chris) in their time of need. But the wild part that we ALL talk about TO THIS DAY was the sexually charged ‘wanna go for the title’ flirtation that Buck (King!) delivered right to Eddie’s face. The belt buckle grab. Eddie’s smirk and later averted gaze. The phallic beer bottles. All of it. My Beloved.

Now in season 7 we have a (healthier and more emotionally available/mature) return to that same internal fight symbolism via Eddie’s 704 Vegas Unification Fight trip with Tommy and his Muay Thai sparring with Tommy. I wrote a meta about some of this last week.

Before Eddie can go for the title with Buck, he’s got to win his fight/sparring matches with Tommy. Right now he and Tommy are going ‘toe to toe’ as Eddie said in 704. It’s a draw between them at the moment. But Eddie has to actually win the symbolic match/fight by taking Tommy’s title aka unequivocally claim his own queer identity and then go get his man.

Eddie is clicking with Tommy and jet-setting to Vegas with Tommy, playing sports with Tommy and sparring with Tommy because, in terms of Eddie’s character arc, Tommy has something Eddie needs! It’s the queer identity piece. It’s gotta be. The show has already established that they’re basically the same person, with the main noticeable difference being that Tommy is an out gay man who knows that part of himself well. Eddie doesn’t fully know the shape and nuance of his own queerness yet. But he will. And when he sorts it out for himself. He’ll be able to return to Buck’s dimly lit (romantic af) kitchen and ‘go for the title’.

Bonus Point #1 - Buck didn’t really know his own queerness either until Tommy kissed him in 704. Buck did in fact ‘go for the title’ but with Tommy four seasons later instead of with the love of his life Eddie. It’ll happen though. It’s been foretold!

Bonus Point #2 - The Kitchen as a setting in 911 is so damn perfect and unhinged. Buck’s kitchen is where the ‘go for the title’ challenge was originally issued and where romantic/flirtatious encounters happened. Eddie’s kitchen is mostly where messes are made. (Honestly I’m just thinking about the Ana break up here.) I think Buddie will eventually find themselves in Buck’s kitchen again, both fully ready for what they mean/are to each other and what they can be together. They will get their kiss. Their unification bout. I also think we’ll finally come full circle with the mess in Eddie’s kitchen and Buddie will clean it up together…as a newly minted couple.

Yeah. Underlying sexual tension is the definition of Buddie at this point. It’s only gotten louder and more textual via Tommy’s introduction. The fight (especially for Eddie) continues. The Buddie tension won’t be ‘underlying’ forever tho. Just. Let ‘em cook. For now.

#eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #911 meta #tommy kinard #911 3x09 #911 7x04 #911 abc

[chimchiri]

Just read through your headcanons for spit, rd and aj and I would like to hear about yours for rarity!! Especially touching on the point that she's bi/only gay for aj which is quite different from rd's bisexuality. How did she reach that conclusion when all her life she was after stallions/men. What made her see aj in a different way and only aj? Only if you don't mind sharing tho :)

Sorry for the delay in response! I actually had to gather my thoughts.

The formation of this headcanon isn't really set in stone! Honestly there are many different scenarios I could see. I think it could also change depending on where AJ stands in all of this. Does she openly crush on Rarity? Does she have hope? Is she pining? or already over Rarity because she thinks there's no way Rarity could like her as a woman?

I definitely like a bit of angst and pining, so I like the last option a lot. I could see AJ very accidentally nudge Rarity into her enlightenment. E.g. AJ helping Rarity out in her garden, maybe building or setting up some things and (probably without realizing) going into all the sexy tropes of bulky handymanwoman sweating in the sun sun with sweat dripping all over her. I think Rarity would be very much into these masculine tropes that you see in cheap romcoms. Yes, when it comes to romance and daily business she loves a handsome, sweet and fancy man. But when it comes to sexual tension and desire, I could see her lean more into rough, burly men. And AJ checking off a lot of these tropes and desires could easily make Rarity go 'hmmm....' at the end of the day. One thing that definitely immediately turns Rarity on and blush is being lifted off the ground, which AJ could also easily do. And which AJ would do without realizing what she's doing to poor little Rarity. I could see them bicker and pout and AJ just with an annoyed huff and puff pick Rarity up and down two steps to the side so she can finally get to wherever blocked Rarity her path to. And then Rarity is just standing frozen over how easily AJ lifted her up. Gosh that farmer is strong...

Either Rarity slowly realizes that she starts to fantasize over her friend (as in the previous setting) OR she doesn't - which is just as hilarious. I could see that one more in a 'let's drink too much at your yearly family garden festival and makeout and possibly more' way. Rarity being completely oblivious to her attraction towards AJ + AJ still being so goddamn much into Rarity + alcohol + more alcohol + some minutes of alone time makes an incredible night and unforgettable, embarrassing morning. I mean, it doesn't have to be completely sexual. I could see a drunk Rarity just pulling AJ in and making out with her for the end of the night without leading up to anything more. Especially, if AJ had drinks than her friend. I think something like that would work well with Rarity wondering and trying to understand her sexuality for a long time. Probably with more shame pinned to it due to her previously unhinged behaviour.

Honestly, there are many different AUs and scenes I could see with them. Most of them involve Rarity confessing because.. well, AJ is pretty openly a lesbian and she has never seen Rarity seriously flirt with her or any other woman. And even with the possibility of Rarity liking women, AJ probably doesn't think she's Rarity's type - not the way she fawns over handsome and posh gentlemen. Lastly, AJ definitely doesn't want to risk her friendship with her by making a move that may not lead anywhere. So .. yeah. I think Rarity most often has to show interest first. At least in any AU where they're established friends and Rarity starts to realize her liking for her friend.

#excuse any mistakes it's been a long day and I didn't read through it a second time #also: that's just my fave hc #I still think some other Rarity ships are cute #mlp #headcanons #rarijack

[lastoneout]

Okay I'm finally sitting down to properly watch the PJO series so here's an episode-by-episode live blog I guess. (Fair warning, I haven't read the books since I was a teenager, I am a smidge of an apologist for the films, and my favorite adaptation so far has been the musical.)

Episode One:

All of the actors are doing a really good job, I especially like Sally.

The costume design for both the monsters and the humans is pretty killer. I want Percy's sweater.

I also love the little seaside cabin and want to live there!!!

This is such a mild gripe BUT as someone with dyslexia I wish there was a better way to visually depict it without like, doing the swapping letters thing cuz that's just not what it's actually like at all.

Gabe maybe feels a little too funny. Like I'm supposed to hate him and think it's justified that he deserves to be turned into stone at the end, this version of him is really.....toned down, and his banter with Percy and Sally was fun to watch. I should hate him, but really he just came across as unpleasant. Less abusive asshole and more "old married couple who share interests but can't communicate without shouting" you know?

Loved Grover's little "I'm 24 actually" lmao that was great.

Not a fan of Percy immediately recognizing the Minotaur within a millisecond of it appearing before the audience even got a good look at it. Like, I just sat there thinking "how can he even see it?" rather than feeling scared of a big monster barreling at them.

The action is uh....fine? Feels a little lackluster. Or kinda....divorced from the rest of the show weirdly?? Idk it makes me feel like I'm watching a movie of a movie if that makes sense?? But we'll see where they go with it. (I know banter during a fight isn't realistic and people make fun of Marvel for it, but like...it helps to have at least a little talking. We don't wanna be Man of Steel.)

I feel like there's been a few "slightly out of sync ADR" moments but they weren't too distracting.

Pacing into Sally saying goodbye felt a little long, kinda took the shock of her dying out of the scene, but the actress REALLY sold all the emotional beats so I'll forgive it.

I LOVE the credits sequence!!! Reminds me of the designs on that one box set of the books in a really cool way.

Episode Two:

Oh yes the ugly ass neon orange shirts are here bless!

FUCK YES THAT'S DIONYSUS BAYBEEE!! My ONLY note is that he def could have turned up the energy a little, but that's probably just bcs I love how loud and unpleasant he is in the musical and I also know how unhinged this actor can be.

Chiron is such a delight <3

I like the cabins too, way better than how I imagined them as a kid reading the books lol

Oh, I can see why the new fans fell for Luke so hard.

Grover assuming a human being squished would be like an old banana is very funny. Felt very book-humor in a good way.

Clarisse!!

Oh damn actual disabled half-bloods, very cool!

Minor but I can't actually tell what Percy did wrong with the bow? Weird editing I guess.

Aside from that I actually love a good "fuck up" montage, I honestly wish it were a little longer.

Probably doesn't matter but I don't get having them burn the food after they've started eating? I thought that was a before you sit down type thing.

Percy burning the blue candy to try to talk to his mom was sweet tho T_T

"real friends" hahahaha.....yeah.......about Luke.......

yay! hazing!

Oh I love Annabeth already >:D

Thalia.....is pronounced differently than I thought....?

(I'm sorry I'm too much of a fan of 'Tree on the Hill' for this exposition dump. That shit hits harder when coming from Grover.)

Percy giving Annabeth the "actually I suck and my self esteem is riding on this so like pls don't ask me to do anything hard T_T" talk is just, so good lmao

ofc he doesn't know what's going on Annabeth you didn't tell him anything

Okay the action is a lot better when it's between the actual characters and doesn't involve a 3D monster, though I still had trouble following all the hits Percy was taking.

Oooh I can see why people did so much art of Percy being claimed that was a good shot.

FUCK YEAH TELL HIM YOU'RE SALLY JACKSON'S SON

(I hope they kept the Oracle in the attic...)

Okay I have to go do some things and then I'll be back for more!

#long post #loo watches pjo #pjo spoilers

[bittergirlsworld]

my favorite thing about never have I ever is that it's not about a love triangle at all.

the whole show is about grief, loss and loneliness. the emptiness left by the death of a loved one. the trauma that watch someone who's your whole world die before your eyes. the fact that your pain is not only yours, it's shared with your mother and your cousin and his mother and everyone is drinking from the same fountain of endless despair, everyone copes in their own ways but the pain is so paradoxically individual and collective that your coping affects other's lives too.

she never really loved paxton, but dreamed of him to distract herself from the pain she felt when mohan passed and because the show starts with him already gone, we never know who devi was before that happened, we just know that she was not that "unhinged". she loves her friends but they suddenly does not understand her even though eleanor never sees her mother who actively chose leave her behind. she loves ben but howard is never there and his mother is always away and he's so lonely that she doesn't see him as a dreamy fit because it's her mirror, he lonely as she is and she can't deal with that.

she choose to make all the sort of bad decisions and deal with it consequences later just to during one moment in a party a coyote appears and she thinks it's her father a boy plays with her dad tennis racket her new boyfriend watch her play in the orchestra and she sees her father in the audience but he's not there and her mother is grieving too without never know how to deal with her and now she's so in pain and everyone says she's too much for them her pain is too much a inconvenience her sorrow is too messy and they leave they leave they leave she's alone she's too much she's replaceable shes embarrassing she's jealous she craves love that she once had and now it's not there and she's empty looking for anything to fill the void that he left

but you laugh at her bad decisions and root for her all along the way we want her to feel something other than the pain she deals with

and then, someday, she's not so mad anymore. she's okay with her mother finding love. she's breaking up bad relationships and supporting her friends even tho it hurts her. she's not harming herself just to feel something, she's not rejecting her mirror in form a lover, she's not so confused or empty. she survived. honestly, how beautiful is that?

#devi vishwakumar #never have i ever #ben gross #paxton hall yoshida #nalini vishwakumar #mohan vishwakumar #nirmala vishwakumar #eleanor wong #fabiola torres #ethan morales #nhie

[panelshowsource]

i did a speedrun through backstage with katherine ryan today (i added it to drive!! i'll try to get better rips soon) — and what an interesting concept! personally i never get tired of the half-scripted reality thang à la meet the richardsons, and one of my favourite things ever is comics just...hanging out... the natural bantz are the best! so her bringing these people all together and seeing/hearing a little of their processes backstage, and them just generally catching up and hyping up each other's work, was super sweet! take a shot every time someone went "you smashed it mate" awww overall cute show!

random thoughts while watching

jimmy and katherine's friendship is really sweet and probably always will be, and it's sweet how much all the other comics seem to really admire him (everyone always being like "jimmy you're so lovely irl and i bet you don't even want people to know!! but i know how lovely you are!! you can fool them but you can't fool me haha!!" even tho no one is being fooled we literally all know how nice jimmy is)

the way they used those insert shots of frankie boyle going down on a croissant... i should not have found that as funny as i did

judi and ivo are fucking hilarious together and remind me a lot of alan and romesh — unhinged + hanging-on-by-a-thread is an amazing combo. she really brings out a sunshiney side of him

katherine refusing to properly roast sara and jo <3

geoff norcott being like "i've been at a gay club with tom allen and he's a top" like no other context whatsoever?? like?? wtf is the story there, right-wing lowkey douche with tom at the club????? i need to hear more about this

michelle de swarte most beautiful woman alive......... i remember watching the duchess wanting katherine to end up with her lol

rosie jones is SUUUCH A MENACE LMAOOO and the fact she uses her free time trying to get her friends cancelled by pretending they pushed her down LMAOOO (as nish said, "[cackle] one of the worst human beings who has ever lived") she is HYSTERICAL

over the past five years i have seen joel dommett lactate more than i have seen my own parents

watching katherine, jimmy, sue perkins, nish, and judi together made me think...like...fuck...this would have been an amazing taskmaster lineup fr. they are all such ridiculous humans

rosie hitting on sue is so valid

JIMMY JUST GETTING HIS FEET OUT?? ("jimmy this is gonna go STRAIGHT on wikifeet!" nish PLEASE) and honestly judi kinda flirting with jimmy "you are so trim" "you are so strong" "you have nice feet" ?? lmfao judi girl ur killing me

#p

[iwishiwasfictionalblogs]

So I finished good omens season 2 last night at like 4am and idk if its cause of tiredness or cause I acc dodged every spoiler like an expert acrobats but...the final scene. I didnt see it coming. Not from a mile away.

Look I don't care that we got Nina and Maggie who are basically a mirror of Azi and Crowley. (Also so much to say how Ninas abusive relationship is basically Azi with heaven but anyway)

I also don't care that Azi and Crowley have basically been married since Eden. Nothing...and I mean nothing, physically prepared me for that finale.

Years of queerbaiting have desensitised me to hope of any kind. Genuinely even when all the signs were pointing to a confession, as soon as Azi went first and started talking bout heaven I thought that was it. Crowely is gonna crawl back into his shell.

BUT NO HE HE DIDNT. HE STILL SAID IT. and god can I say how incredibly brave that is. Like I'm so proud of him for saying ANYTHING. Like I get us as an audience think it's obvious and woulda been frustrated if he didn't and we are frustrated with how it went but. Honestly with the set up the boy was given I don't think HE for one second even remotely thought this confession was gonna go well. He had like the tiniest smidge of hope that was...of course crushed and burned. But. God I'm proud of him for saying something. And then standing his ground and not going with the man he loves even though it hurts cause going back to heaven would hurt more.

Anyway needless to say my jaw was ON THE GROUND for the kiss. Absolutely unhinged. My jaw hurt but I was so flabbergasted. I didnt know what to do with myself. It came outta nowhere in my mind even tho in traditional media it had obviously been building up to that I was still so...wow. This show. 2023. I love you.

Given this after the gift that was our flag means death. I dont know if I'll ever emotionally recover. Also I'm so not used to this idk what to do now. Do I go read fanfic? I mean..yes always but. Its canon. I almost wanna save myself for canon even though season 3 isn't confirmed. Idk if I have enough patience for that tho.

#this has been my good omens rant #yes i have so much more to say #but this is enough that maybe i can stop thinking avout it for 2 sconds to go about my day #i have work and all i will be thinking about is this gay show i... #time to play it on loop in the background so amzon will give us a new season and start paying their writers and actors #the way if i had the money i would fund this show myself. #welcome to my personality for the next couple months #i have never been more mad i am missing comic con than i am this year #good omens #good omens season 2 #good omens spoilers #spoilers #aziraphale ziraphale fell #aziraphale #aziraphale x crowley #crowely #anthony j crowley #season finale

[vaguely-concerned]

A Stitch In Time First Read Reactions & Thoughts Monster Post Part 1

Basically exactly what it says on the tin! I kept making notes while I was reading and somehow it grew into this sprawling monstrosity that had to be split into three parts haha. In short: I loved this book, 10/10 incredibly gay and full of yearning Garak is there the whole time would recommend. 

Quotes from the book in normal text, my reflections, reactions and self-indulgent bits in italics :) Please, please only click on that read-more if you're ready for some truly long-winded nonsense, I fear I have gone and been extremely myself about this and I can only beg your forbearance for it while I get it out of my system lol

Part 2, Part 3

- My dear Doctor:

Forgive my delay in responding to your kind communications. I wanted to give this modest chronicle I’ve enclosed a modicum of organization and update it before I sent it on to you. Thank you for your concern. I have thought of you often since our last meeting, and I am pleased to hear that your life on Deep Space 9 remains challenging and productive. Considering all the changes that have taken place I would have expected nothing less. And I’m certainly not surprised that your research proposals have been accepted. You’re a brilliant young scientist—even if you are genetically enhanced. As for my life here …

This is such a deceptively innocuous and normal-sounding beginning to what is about to be an extremely unnormal and unhinged thing to send a friend as a letter. He made it all of one paragraph of keeping it chill and I honestly think that’s pretty impressive all things considered. Thankfully Julian Bashir — who, let’s not forget, gave Jadzia his fucking diaries to read after much shorter acquaintanceship than what what we’re operating on here — is possibly the one person in the galaxy with the unhinged energy to take it.  

(‘I have thought of you often’ he says. And how., as we shall see)

- Yes—I’m afraid you weren’t expecting this response to your kind inquiry; it goes a bit further than “Greetings from Cardassia—Wish you were here.”

Fhksjdfhasdkj well. In spirit that is exactly what you’re saying tho garak fhdskjaas. It’s just that you’re also pathologically incapable of shutting the hell up and for this I love and treasure you. 

- So why Captain Sisko is so upset with me because I accomplished the goal (which he established!) of getting Romulus into the war against the Dominion baffles me. And it’s not because of the few lives that were sacrificed. Federation expansion has taken a toll in countless life-forms—about most of which they are blissfully unaware. The moment you step into a garden and begin to cultivate and prune, you become a killer. Perhaps the captain was upset because he had hesitated to do what was necessary to insure the integrity of his garden. Sentimentality is another trait that makes humans dangerous.

*Garak voice* Julian please tell me why your boss is so mad at me I literally solved all his problems for him. for which he’s wELCOME btw

Eyes open for recurring metaphors about gardeners, Tolan is haunting this narrative and it’s only polite to say hello whenever he shows up

- Indulge me, if you will; I need you as a witness.

Can I just say how fucking wild it is in terms of character development for Garak to openly admit he needs someone interpersonally. Incredibly fucked up that he writes both parts of this directly to Julian, though — both the part where he’s pretty sure he’s going to die trying to free Cardassia from the Dominion, and the ‘now’ timeline on post-war Cardassia where he seems to be dazedly coming to the realization that he might live, actually, and what that means to him. 

- As a child I would go to the Tarlak Sector with Father, and while he supervised his crews I’d play by myself amid the black-and-white angularity of the monuments, imagining myself a great gul or legate giving the funeral oration for a fallen comrade. 

Already we are starting to spot the thread, if you’ll excuse the expression, of why Garak might be Like That

I also came to admire Damar’s idealism, which led him to renounce his allegiance to the Dominion. If he had one weakness it was his propensity for long-winded speeches. But given the fact that none of us are perfect, the man would have made a fine leader.

As I stood at the memorial service, I thought about all the grand affairs I had witnessed here when I was a boy. None of our famed heroes and statesmen has ever had such a humble service—and none of them, from Tret Akleen on, deserved more than Corat Damar.

You are a species of long-winded speakers and Pythas Lok 

- Dr. Parmak, the unit leader, worked furiously to stabilize the little girl, and when she was evacuated by the transport unit he broke down. He’s a very good man, this Dr. Parmak; he reminds me of an older version of you, Doctor. 

Introducing Dr. Kelas Parmak, last seen in the then-noodle incident mentioned in The Die is Cast. Quite possibly the chillest person who has ever lived, considering he gets over the whole thing where Garak like tortured him pretty fast. (To be fair Garak DID say he was sorry. Between this case and Odo’s, that apparently goes a surprisingly long way lol) 

- But Garak, you’ll say, there’s no excuse for killing a defenseless woman. And there isn’t… unless you’ve been brought up in our system.

I love that he keeps a little Julian around in his head to talk to at all times. That’s one of the most freakishly intimate things in this whole book of freakish intimacy. Garak has a little Tain on one shoulder and a little Julian on the other shoulder and they have heated debates as to the validity of murder as a solution to any given problem that’s put before him

- I also thought about this Cardassian sense of duty and how it is largely responsible for bringing those of us who are left to these current circumstances. I asked Dr. Parmak how an entire people can come under the sway of this duty and blindly give allegiance to a state that goes mad and murders its own children.

“Poisonous pedagogy, Elim,” he replied. “We believe what we are taught.”

Poison/Disease contagion is a metaphor that will wind through this whole thing,and different people mean different things by it. Parmak means it about The Facism, which is the right one. You’ll be unsurprised to hear that Dukat Sr. has a rather different spin on it, and that he’s wrong! 

- But Tain at home was anything but mysterious. It was not unusual for Uncle Enabran to appear and take me away on some excursion that involved a long walk through a section of the city. During these walks he’d test my awareness, and challenge me to describe a house or a person we’d just passed. If I hadn’t been paying attention and couldn’t remember the details, the walk was over and we’d silently return home under the oppressive weight of his disapproval. He also seemed to know how I was performing at school, and if he wasn’t satisfied with my progress or behavior he’d punish me. I was a hard worker but I had a mischievous streak, and I enjoyed getting others involved in questionable activities and arranging it so they were found out and took the blame. On those rare occasions when I was caught, Tain would somehow find out and punish me—not for my misdeed, but for having been caught. And after he discovered my fear of small, dark spaces, his favorite punishment became keeping me in one until I had convinced him that I had analyzed and fully understood how my mischievous scheme had gone wrong. I found it odd that Mother and Father never had anything to say about these punishments.

. . . 

At first I thought I was in trouble, and my face must have reflected this fear because Father attempted to reassure me with a forced smile. But the uncharacteristic falsity of his behavior and his barely concealed agitation only made the situation worse. I had never seen him like this. Mother’s face was a mask; it revealed nothing. She spoke as if I needed to clean off the day’s work before we ate.

Garak treats him and Bashir ‘drifting apart’ the same way he describes his young self being trained by Tain to go over his ‘mistakes’ — what did I do wrong? You also see it (almost most heartbreakingly to me) from Tolan when he gets sharper out of worry at the end of the scene where the agent comes to take Garak away to the Bamarren Institute: 

I was stunned. I wanted to ask more, I wanted to ask about the dedication ceremony that afternoon, but I didn’t dare. Father had that look when one of the workers didn’t get it right the first time. But what had I done wrong? 

Oh buddy. He’s so fucking confused. The only thing you’ve done wrong yet is having been born with some connection to Enabran Tain, Elim, I’m so sorry

- We were the “missing pieces”—and in order to find our place in the mosaic of civilized society, we had to be broken down and reconstructed from the bottom up.

Keep your eyes open for ‘broken down and reconstructed’ too, it will be on the final test lol

- The good captain gave me one of his bemused stares.

Sisko ILU. He’s not in this book a lot so I’ll take the chance to say it here, because I do. 

- It was explained to us that until we became disciplined in our relations with the “complementary gender” we would make better progress this way. When I asked One Tarnal how we would learn this discipline without interaction between the sexes, he blinked and mumbled something about “distractions.” When I asked what that meant I was told that I had a loose mouth and given five days of hygiene-chamber maintenance as punishment.

“You don’t know enough to ask so many questions.”

Elim 'Genuinely & Guilelessly Too Deeply Pansexual To Be Able To Follow This Logic’ Garak

- Pythas/Eight descriptions because this is a bad mutual crush situation: 

- Unfortunately, the only student left was quiet Eight Lubak, who kept completely to himself. He agreed to accompany me and quickly moved to the door. He was short and slender, and his dark eyes and long lashes made him look younger than the rest of us. He was almost too delicate for a Cardassian. I was not encouraged … but I had no choice.

‘Dark eyes and long lashes’ huh lol

I started to follow him, but he made it clear that I should stay where I was and wait. All during this, Eight was quiet and controlled—and as sure of himself as if he’d done this many times. How did he know where he was going?

. . .

His face was dark, intense with concentration; his brow ridges, which were unusually pronounced, cast shadows over his eyes. My heart began to pound when I realized what Eight was planning. These were certain to be older students, but he expressed no hesitation, no doubt.

. . .

I didn’t know then if I could ever call Eight a friend. Something about him was strange and impenetrable. But it didn’t matter. At least I knew there was one person in my section I could trust. How I had misjudged him. It was obvious that Eight had what Cardassians call a ferocious spirit—and that I could learn a great deal from him.

. . .

Eight also came from a “service” family background, and it was soon clear to everyone that he should have been designated One Lubak, a fact not lost on the actual holder of that designation who, judging from his behavior and speech, came from the highest echelons of our society.

. . .

Five was an athlete who also did well in class. I could see that he was attracted to Eight. As indeed I was. 

Big round of applause for Andrew Robinson managing to sneak the skywritten subtext into the text like this, it’s an exceedingly rare gift to get to have from the media of this time 

. . .

But by then the group had passed. What murk? Me? Have all the others been captured? Surely not Eight. I couldn’t believe that was possible.

. . .

The only member of my group who performed as well in all areas was the taciturn Eight.

. . .

The truth, of course, was that I didn’t know how to forge those kinds of bonds. I wanted to be closer to Eight, and to a lesser degree Five, who besides being one of the great Pit strategists Bamarren ever had was fair in all his dealings.

. . .

Eight remained for a few more minutes. I had the feeling that he wanted to say something more to me. Suddenly he turned and disappeared behind a barrier. The air was filled with whatever went unsaid. He was as shy as anyone I had ever known.

The boys are being useless lesbians at each other omg……… what must this whole mess look like from Pythas’ POV tho. He’s been keeping an eye on his friend/crush so he doesn’t get himself killed by running his mouth off too much to the wrong person and before he knows it the guy is embroiled in an inadvisable bisexual sandwich of betrayal and savage intrigue. I wonder if anything would have been different if Garak and Pythas had managed to actually talk to each other here.   

- Eight was the only person who deserved number One as much as I did—maybe more. My solitary behavior was not always in service to the group. Eight and I exchanged encouraging looks. The support of my one constant friend was all I wanted. I sat there and shut out everything else.

*Garak whenever someone prefers Pythas over him* understandable honestly I’d do the same thing he’s the best have a nice day

End Pythas/Eight teen crush corner

- My mind wandered. I was sure that I heard sounds of the women students gusting with the winds. Suddenly mother materialized … she looked like she was apologizing. I wanted to tell her how much I missed her, but her image dissolved and … Father took her place. I knew he was telling me something very important, but I was growing dizzy and afraid that I’d join Six on the ground … his words were carried away by the winds.

Suffering and agony

Some assorted 'Just assure me that I'm not going mad, Doctor'/Garak's ever-tenuous grip on his mental health moments:

-I don’t know why I wasn’t surprised that he knew. Instead, I was grateful; it told me I wasn’t going mad.

A recurring worry for him I’m sure it means nothing! I feel the same fellowship with him as I do with Harrow in The Locked Tomb series, which I’m sure says even less, don’t worry about it.  

And how do we even begin to rebuild a world that doesn’t exist anymore? A world that exists in my mind with the same arid bitterness as the dust in my mouth. I have never lived with despair, Doctor, the way I live with it now. It’s almost like a phantom companion that shadows me and casts doubt on whatever I do.

“Why save him?” it asks, as we remove a young boy from the rubble of a school. “You’re only keeping him alive for a future of privation and chaos. Wouldn’t it be more satisfying to join the burial unit?”

I want to scream at this phantom, to shut it up. Once I turned around suddenly and raised my hand to strike it. When I realized it wasn’t there, it was too late. Everyone in the unit was looking at me; I’m sure I must have looked like a madman. Dr. Parmak tried to send me home, but I refused—alone it’s even worse.

I’m just imagining Julian arriving on Cardassia like ‘hey yeah I got your letter and we should fuck about it right now but first of all have you told Parmak you’ve been having vivid hallucinations again because that’s very relevant medical information Garak!!!’ 

- But it was in the Pit and my work with Calyx that I suffered the most. My dreaming made me “an air man.”

“You have no grip, no focus. How can you find your strength if you can’t hold your place? Living in your dreams is like living in exile.”

*whisper* pls don't...

- As I tried to put faces on the shadowy children, they began to approach me. They became more distinct as they moved through the rain and haze. Can you believe it, Doctor? They weren’t my schoolmates; they were the Cardassian orphans from the Resettlement Center on Bajor we once visited. The orphans left after the Cardassian occupation forces withdrew. The same young girl was their leader and her lips formed the same question.

Have you come to take us home?

I jumped up. I felt the shed closing in, threatening to swallow me. I ran out into the rain and gloom.

“There is no home anymore! Can’t you see that? Look around you! It’s gone!” I screamed at them and fell to my knees in the sodden waste. They continued to stare back with that same look of fragile trust that I would somehow relieve them of their fear and bring them home. I couldn’t look at them anymore and dropped down into the muck. My despair was no longer just a voice; it was this monstrous world the evil had created, and it surrounded and overwhelmed me.

I don’t know how long I remained curled up in the mud. I felt myself being lifted and half carried, half dragged back into my shed. It was Dr. Parmak. He cleaned and changed me as best he could. He prepared a cup of Tarkalean tea, which made me think of you, Doctor. How ironic, another doctor pulls old Elim out of the muck of his despair, but this time he’s a Cardassian.

The fact that in the episode itself, Garak (in a haze of endorphins and practiced dissociation) is barely like ‘yes yes I’m sure we’re ALL very upset about the orphans. Or whatever. Well what do you want me to do about it Doctor it’s just the way of the world’ and then it just haunts him horrifically for the rest of his life forever and ever the end! Very on brand.  

Garak does seem to genuinely like and care for children in general, which makes my heart all weird and sad

Also Parmak making Tarkalean tea and Garak being like ‘oh. Like Julian :’(‘ about it my HEART. The fact that he’s a serial befriender of very patient kindhearted doctors willing to put up with his nonsense is probably the only reason he’s still alive lol. Thank u Parmak

- A difficult move under pressure against strong physical resistance from an opponent … and something would snap. A painful blow might set it off, a whispered insult, perhaps just a thought or a feeling of hopelessness, and I would suddenly lose control and lash out like a madman. I became suffused with a raging, crimson anger that poured out from some black hole somewhere deep inside me.

I feel like we see the outlines of this still in him by the time of the show — more tucked away and harnessed, but definitely still there. He’s got an instinctive Fight response a mile wide, it’s just that these days he mostly expresses it by becoming incredibly fucking MEAN when he feels threatened rather than outright physical attack. 

- And there was a soothing quality as it spoke of dry legal definitions. It acted as a balm for my bruises and bitterness. I began to feel such longings. It was like hearing music that you love when you least expect it. How I missed Mother, and working with Father in the flower beds. How I longed for home. I dropped my guard and surrendered to the voice. The tears I was determined never to shed accompanied choking waves of shame and relief, sadness and joy. I finally was able to admit to myself how unhappy I was.

*me with my magnifying glass studying the Palandine/Bashir parallels* listening to Bashir talk about Federation nonsense things presumably fills much the same niche in Garak’s psyche as this haha

- “I assure you, I am not in the habit of attacking people I don’t know in public places. We got our feet tangled in the crush, and he went down—just as, moments before, I nearly wiped out the scent display when he ignored the fact that I was standing in his path. I trust he’s not hurt.”

“I expect more from you, Garak,” Odo lectured. “We’re all under a great deal of strain.”

“As am I, Constable. Please, sit down at least. I feel like a schoolboy being disciplined by the docent.”

Odo sighed and awkwardly perched on the barstool next to mine. 

Their dynamic is. Everything to me. Also we learn later that the guy Garak picks a fight with here because he’s upset Julian is hanging out with Miles (lmao oh… buddy) isn’t just anyone or on impulse, but is one of the most hostile-to-Garaks Bajorans on the entire station with a small gang behind him, and Garak knows exactly who he is. Which lends it a certain… something. Almost an edge of very roundabout self-harm.  

“I can’t stay long. I have to finish dealing with this …”

“ … situation,” I finished. “You’re very fortunate, Odo.”

“How so?” he asked.

“These people have come to trust you. They rely upon you. You’ve made a real connection here.”

Odo merely grunted. I was careful not to mention Major Kira, knowing how reserved he was on the subject.

“Do you still want to go home?” I asked.

The question startled Odo, and for a moment the mask of official reserve dropped from his face. This was the first time I had brought up the subject since his admission to me during the “interrogation” in the Romulan warbird and Tain’s ill-fated attempt to destroy the Founders’ homeworld.

“ I … can’t say,” he replied ambiguously.

“Well, I can. There’s certainly nothing here to keep me.”

“I never told you how sorry I was about Ziyal’s death.” Odo could be quite sensitive in such matters.

“You did, actually,” I nodded. “But thank you.”

“Still, you and Dr. Bashir have created a strong bond.”

“Not really,” I answered quickly. “I’m afraid that what I have to offer has run its course. It’s certainly no match for darts.” I heard the bitterness of my tone, and so did Odo. We sat in silence for a moment.

“I understand you’ll be involved in the invasion. You must be pleased.” Odo steered us away from the heaviness that had descended.

. . . 

“When do you want to schedule your consultation?” I asked. Odo—no doubt influenced by his budding relationship with the Major—was about to branch out sartorially. But it occurred to me that Quark was the last person he wanted to know about it.

“We’ll talk,” he replied, nodding to Quark as he briskly marched back to the Promenade.

AHdorable all around. Hilarious that Odo picked up on trouble in human/lizard paradise and, with the vigor of a person who has freshly had love work out for them for the first time, going ‘not on my fucking watch you’ll talk to each other if it’s the last thing I do’. Also the sheer readiness with which he expects Julian to be Garak’s safe place. What on earth does this relationship look like to outside observers. Especially to Odo, practiced observer of humanoid folly, who completely nails Garak’s whole deal in Improbable Cause to the point that Garak lashes out defensively over it.   

- My solitary confinement was agony. The only way I got through it was to rethink all my attitudes about the Pit and the Wilderness and to focus on how I could make my stratagems more effective. Just as I had learned to do when Uncle Enabran locked me in that suffocating closet. Was this the universal torture for failure, I wondered?

Going through the whole book it is so stunningly awful that this IS the logic his inner world is shaped around for the vast majority of his life, right up until the ‘present’ part of the storyline where it’s being slowly deconstructed and reassembled. 

- I apologized to the others for disrupting their family; I explained that I had great need of this creature. Not only was Mila (as I eventually called him) the answer to my current problem, he was as important as any of the docents at Bamarren, with the possible exception of Calyx.

;_______________________________________________________________; there’s no part of this that isn’t crushing

Unlike the last time, I had preparation and an ally.

Tain really had to work at deadening Garak’s ability to form loyalty to anything else but him, because left to his own devices and natural instinct Garak will clearly packbond with ANYTHING. He’s so desperate to belong to someone and be loyal to them. 

- As the sun came up, the otherworldly beauty of the Wilderness was gradually revealed by each succeeding gradation of light. I was deeply moved by the presence of so much color in what had initially looked like a dead world to me. Beginning with a cold pale gray, the dawn flowed through a range of blues and into the softest rose and pink and then to a hot red that soon gave way to the merciless bleached bone-white of midday. I was able to see how much territory I had covered the previous night.

Can I just say how unspeakably tender it is that he takes the time to write this out in this. It serves literally no purpose in this narrative but sentiment — to be beautiful. He saw something beautiful once that moved him and he wants to share it with someone. What the fuck. 

- I became increasingly concerned; the sun was getting higher, and the overhanging ledge was now my last source of shade. At one point I took Mila out of his wrapping to check on his condition. At least that’s what I told myself. I was afraid that if I was honest and admitted that the real reason was to solicit help from a regnar, the slide into total insanity would be swift and sure. I was getting desperate.

The funniest and saddest thing I’ve ever read fhdskjfas emotional support regnar that he names after his fucking MUM hours. There are things going on with Garak no psychologist could ever hope to get to the bottom of 

- Three more members of the Furtan group were on the other side of the rock formation, but Mila had found a hidden depression that required some quiet digging to get into, and we avoided detection. We settled in and resealed the opening with sand and loose rocks. After an indeterminate period, the Furtan hunters left. As we waited for nightfall I fell into a deep sleep. 

BB!Elim and regnar Mila like ‘OUR secret hiding spot’. (Seeing how much garak both craves and thrives on getting to have that sense of ‘we’ and fellowship tho. And knowing that’s going to be not only deliberately kept from him but made psychologically impossible for him for a very long time. We should bring Tain back to life so we can kill him again and more painfully actually. Mercymorn acid jail for a thousand years time.)

- While I understood that I would have to watch my step with One Charaban, I also acknowledged that I had never been in a manlier or more attractive presence. It was like encountering an ideal that I’d only dreamed about. As I walked back to my section and accepted the congratulations of my mates, I was baffled not so much by the appearance of this new and commanding person in my life as by my recognition of his strong connection to me. But what connection?

Baby pansexual disaster at his finest

- The other day, the Doctor, Odo, and I were at the Replimat having lunch, an event that Odo, after our conversation, had taken it upon himself to organize.

. . . 

“But what about you, Doctor?” I asked, returning to the business at hand. “It seems there’s a movement afoot to have you replace Captain Sisko.” The doctor winced.

“Is this true?” Odo asked. We both looked to the doctor for confirmation. He sighed.

“There’s a group of … genetically enhanced people who feel that one of their own should be guiding the station during this emergency, and they’ve petitioned the Federation Council, but it’s Jack and his group, and no one takes them…” Exasperated, he broke off. “Garak, how did you hear about this?”

“My clientele talk and I listen.” This was also true: an idiot savant who wears his presumed genetic superiority like a badge of privilege walked into my shop and never stopped talking. Of course I encouraged him, and by the time he left I had heard all about some organized attempt to elevate Dr. Bashir to the leadership position. I could see that the doctor was upset that I’d divulged this information. Clearly this genetic business was not his favorite topic of conversation.

“Is this something we should keep an eye on?” Odo asked, studying us carefully.

“No, not at all,” the Doctor assured him. “It’s just Jack’s people. This was nearly a year ago, and I’m afraid they have too much time on their hands—like some other people I know.” He pointedly looked away from me as Odo continued to study us, trying to decode the undercurrent of this last exchange between us. No wonder he was such a capable security operative. Odo registered every change in tone and temperature and tracked the change down to its cause.

“Tell me something, Garak.” It was clear that he had found an opening for one of those deferred questions he kept on a prioritized list somewhere in his changeling head. He was still a basically shy and tactful person, especially when it came to other people’s business, but lately he’d become more openly inquisitive. I wondered if it was Major Kira’s influence.

Matchmaker/self-appointed and woefully under-equipped marriage counselor Odo……….you are Everything to me you dumb beige bitch. Garak goes a bit aggro in return when he tries to get too close to something tender but honestly odo buddy gooey friend of my heart maybe you shouldn’t barge into this particular glassware shop like a rampaging elephant huh someone’s going to get cut. Also Garak could have refrained from pressing on Julian’s bruises for attention here and we may not have had the rest of the scene, but alas. 

This must be the lunch where we deal with uncomfortable subjects.

“But if Cardassia is liberated from Dominion control …” Odo went on.

“When Cardassia is liberated,” I interrupted.

“Would you return?”

“Would you return to the Great Link?” Odo reacted with sharp annoyance to the question.It wasn’t a fair one, because although we were both exiles, we were in very different circumstances. With the humanoid shape he was still learning to live with, and his deepening relationship with Major Kira, Odo was discovering a new mode of existence, a new link. He had an alternative, however difficult the choice. I didn’t.

“Yes, I know. You can’t say.” I was sorry I had asked again. It was a question he was obviously struggling with.

The feeling Garak seems to have towards Odo in this period where like… you know when you have a friend who has a lot of the same mental health issues as you do and you see them get better and start to flourish and you are genuinely so happy for them but also feel just how deep in the muck you yourself still are with no prospect of getting out. And the way Garak consistently wistfully includes Odo’s romantic relationship to Kira when he observes how he’s coming out of his shell and why he has reasons to stay. 

“Would you return to the same Cardassia?” the doctor asked.

“What do you mean ‘same’?” But I knew perfectly well what he meant.

“To a Cardassia containing the political and social elements that made the current situation possible.”

“My dear Doctor, that’s also the Cardassia that made me possible.” I half-hoped my joke would end this conversation … but I knew better.

Julian baby please read the room and take this up some other time somewhere private maybe (and yet I understand how you wouldn’t think of that until later once Garak’s had a rare public freakout)

Absolutely heartbreaking in every way that garak seems so convinced he must have done something wrong or simply doesn’t have anything more of interest to offer julian and that’s why they’re drifting apart, when a just as likely reading from what’s actually on the page here is that julian feels he keeps getting it wrong and hesitates in case he makes the damage worse. Garak have you considered who this man is before you decided you must have fucked up and resigned yourself to the dark closet of self-isolation tain put in your head. I’m in shambles. 

Also Julian is saying a lot of very true things about Cardassia in this scene that Garak needs to hear and that he’s clearly processing all through the rest of his time on DS9 and beyond, as angry as it makes him, and the good doctor means so well but he IS being incredibly condescending, and he keeps pushing even as Garak is signaling he’d rather not go in depth on this, especially in such an exposed public setting. (This is a conversation they SHOULD be having in private, both for emotional reasons and b/c Garak’s position on this station is a lot more vulnerable than I think Julian realizes, as the hostile comments he immediately starts getting during this convo show.) I mean I guess it’s not this man’s fault he is fundamentally British and autistic what can a bitch do fdjslkfhasj (I say this with all the love in my fellow autistic heart, please do not misunderstand me here). But it’s a very Julian well-meaning but flawed thing to do — he’s focusing on the principle and intellectual side of it, but he’s not taking into account that just maybe having to deconstruct the entirety of your worldview and belief system and then feel responsible for implementing them to create a better world afterwards could be an emotionally fraught process that requires not only reasoned political debate but personal, emotional support from a friend. He isn’t getting that Garak isn’t so much categorically resistant to the basic ideas he’s setting forth — it’s that he wants to be convinced on a practical level that it could even work, because otherwise it’s just a useless pretty picture. 

(Which is a big part of their dynamic on many levels, I’ve always felt. All those times he challenges Julian’s more hopeful and idealistic world view — ultimately he doesn’t do that because he wants to break Julian’s faith down until he agrees with him, he does it because somewhere deep down Garak wants to be convinced. He wants there to be hope somewhere in the world, even if he won’t buy the quick and glorified ‘it’s easy to be a saint in paradise’ Federation version of it. And Julian’s version isn’t that, in the end; it gets tested again and again and he really, genuinely means it, even when it’s hard. Which is one of the most healing things about his presence in Garak’s life overall.) 

Ironically I also think Julian believes so much in Garak and his capabilities that it simply doesn’t occur to him that Garak as a private person might just be like. Too scared and overwhelmed to even contemplate this, at least until Garak is upset enough that he can’t gracefully hide it. (“With your background and experience, Garak, I’m certain that you could serve as a liaison between a new Cardassian government and the Federation.” The Doctor paused and waited for a response. None was forthcoming. “I once suggested that you visit Earth as a member of the Cardassian government-in-exile….” oh so no biggie then Julian that sounds easy and painless and I’m surprised no one has thought to do this yet, this Obsidian Order wilted leftover sandwich of a guy is surely going to be welcomed with open arms wherever he goes among his people fhsdakjfas!)

I feel like this is one of Julian’s less sympathetic traits that he would probably feel such intense self-loathing about once he realized it’s one he shares with his father — this instinct to try to shape someone into a ‘better’ version of themselves. I think Julian’s version of this primarily comes from a much, MUCH kinder place than in his father; he has the will and ability to see the best in the world and in people, and he can’t help but want them to live up to that once he’s seen it. He fundamentally believes people can be better, can be good, when given the help and tools they need, and that’s such a beautiful part of him. BUT along with that there is also a danger of that tipping over into becoming paternalistic and controlling, of overly privileging the ideal you see over the person who is actually there right now, and trying to forcibly change the one into the other ‘for them’.  

Considering Garak’s past experiences of being shaped and controlled by someone else’s idea of what he should be, I’m if anything surprised he doesn’t react worse to this, honestly! I think it speaks to the basic trust and goodness that exists between them that he doesn’t. Julian is clumsy but not malicious, and even here Garak does recognize that on some deep level.   

(Probably because he’s also been touched by Julian at his best, in The Wire — where his support and acceptance is absolute and unconditional, free of the instinct to control anything.)

My voice had risen to an uncharacteristic pitch. It was still ringing in my ears as the Doctor stared at me as if he were studying a baffling microbe. I, too, was baffled. I had no idea where this outburst came from. I know that a distance has widened between us during the past year or so and I know that the holosuite program incident and the revelations of his genetic enhancement are the symptoms of this distance rather than the cause. It’s only natural—we’re very different people. I also know that he had only the best intentions in suggesting that I use the Federation model in order to influence the future of Cardassia. Misguided, yes, and somewhat patronizing and arrogant, but hardly sufficient to elicit this embarrassing and public loss of control.

I mumbled some sad excuse which the good Doctor and Odo were kind enough not to challenge and left the Replimat to return to my shop. As I passed Quark’s I caught his eye and we nodded. Why I included him in my outburst also puzzled me; I rather admire his industry and resourcefulness. I especially admire the way he consistently bends Federation rules so that they work for him.

That’s such a fair evaluation of Bashir’s intentions and personality honestly. Even this upset and feeling that distance between them, Garak still has complete trust in the Doctor’s basic good intentions and nature. (Are you really such very different people at the end of the day, though, Elim. Should the genetic enhancement arc maybe be telling you something here.)

Also such a hilarious element of the Garak-Quark relationship.’Sorry to get you caught up in the crossfire bro I’ve never thought of you as anything but an avaricious opportunist (complimentary)’  

What is important is that I feel that I am necessary, that I function with all my faculties in the service of a greater cause. And while I wait for this invasion, is making Odo more attractive to Major Kira a greater cause?

It is in fact nothing but the greatest cause Garak. Getting Kira happily lovingly laid is priority one at all times. 

- I had no real friends to speak of, and told myself that loneliness was the price I had to pay for success. I considered the games and behavior of my mates to be childish, and that any unnecessary interaction would only distract me from my work. The truth, of course, was that I didn’t know how to forge those kinds of bonds. I wanted to be closer to Eight, and to a lesser degree Five, who besides being one of the great Pit strategists Bamarren ever had was fair in all his dealings.

(I feel like this whole part is going to hit Julian in some kind of way lmao)

Literally just. Put me in a little box on the bottom of the ocean and leave me there forever I can’t go on. Also he’s SUCH a clever-but-socially-inept teenager in this part around the people in his group he doesn’t like fhdkjsa. Ugh they’re all so annoying and fake just leave me alone *eyeroll emoji* I didn’t want to be included in their idiotic conversation bb elim… I would die for your lightly insufferable but entertainingly snarky teenage butt in a way that actually makes me feel more kindly towards my own inner idiot 16 year old.

Also it’s no wonder he’s so out to sea when it comes to interacting with his peers — by all accounts he didn’t play much with other kids as a child and then he’s dropped straight into a social Lord of the Flies piranha tank shot through with Class Shit. 

Inspired by my guide Mila, I would experiment at withdrawing my presence when I had to remain in the same room with people I didn’t like.

Honing his future customer service worker smile 

Here follow some Bamarren and beyond observations I’ve elected to call ‘Sex Stuff’:  

- Oh ok so garak gets some sexual Thing out of being beaten to a pulp after mouthing off through the same mechanism that made spanking known as the ‘English Vice’ across Europe when that was the go-to punishment in British boarding schools. I see. Many things are revealed to me

I looked from the pale, frozen face of Three to the others. They all looked like statues commemorating fear. And I was pleased. I realized at that moment that they were in my control, and that I would no longer have any trouble with them. Especially Three. I felt the power like a drug surging through my system.

And then, of course, the other side of the masochism/sadism scale smoothly coming in, he contains those multitudes. In Garak’s defense idk if you could go through a psychosexual development that wasn’t deeply, deeply weird in this sort of environment 

“What do you want me to do?” I was trembling as if my body were chilled.

Well, I mean. You know fhkdsjha. And he’s rewarded with the first non-aggressive physical contact he’s had here, you say. (For reference he’s talking to Barkan, of the aforementioned ‘manliest presence’.) I’m sure this didn’t awaken anything in him or anything.

“Elim, why do you think we have these ridges?” She stroked the scalloped cords of cartilege and bone that ran along her neck and down her shoulders with a delicacy that stopped my breath. The energy had turned into molten liquid that was now flowing into my groin. The rest of the world was swallowed by complete darkness and I was back inside the tunnel.

“Because … we do,” I replied stupidly.

Fhdjskfhsdjkfhadskjfhas he’s so easy fdsjkfhas. And what a one-two punch of sexual confusion he got there. That one afternoon did irreparable damage to the libidinous development of this poor man and now he has to live like this.

For the second time tonight I was spellbound by another’s passion. In very different ways, Charaban and Palandine held me in their orbit, like powerful suns.

I was learning something new about myself—an emerging desire for power, but a power that had less to do with mastery over others than it did with connecting to them. The way I felt the connection to Charaban … and especially to Palandine.

And, I’m so sorry to have to break it to you like this, your biodad. I’m sorry Elim you’ve got something truly unfortunately Freudian going on here. It’s not your fault.  

“I love the Blind Moon,” Charaban said softly.

“Why is it called that?” I asked, deeply relieved by the mysterious change that had come over us.

“It’s the time for lovers’ assignations,” Palandine answered. “The moon will give them enough light to meet, but not so much for them to be discovered.”

“So if you and Elim were true lovers I wouldn’t have been able to find you,” Charaban teased.

“That’s right, Barkan,” she said with a direct look. I shifted position in the ensuing silence and tried to hide my disappointment with Palandine’s reply, but at the same time, the pleasure I felt in the company of these two people kept growing.

“See?” Palandine suddenly addressed me. “You can do it.”

“What?” I was startled by her delighted burst.

“Smile. Look at that, Barkan. Wouldn’t you tell someone with that smile everything he wanted to know?” she demanded.

“The first time I met him—well, the second…” he corrected himself, “he had a smile that I wanted to wipe off his face.” He was referring to that early morning in front of the Central Gate.

“But it wasn’t that smile,” Palandine insisted.

“No,” he conceded. “Definitely not that one.” And the truth was that I could feel this smile throughout my entire body.

Noooo this is about to go so wrong…it’s all fun and games and bisexual poetry recitation under the blind moon until someone gets stabbed in the back like the Caesar (well caesar notably got stabbed from many many directions but you see what I’m trying to get at here)

- [The Klingon] looked up, and I immediately knew two things about him: he was inebriated beyond reason and he was one of their shock troopers, a callused veteran of hand-to-hand combat. I took a deep breath; as dolts go he was quite impressive. My spirits were suddenly and immeasurably lifted.

“You spoonhead!” he growled at me. I hated that word.

“And you … a great warrior who brings down dabo girls with a single blow,” He looked at me trying to decide if I had insulted or complimented him.

“P’tak!” I shouted, “I mean that you’re the biggest coward in the Klingon Empire,” He released the dabo girl, and as he moved to the narrow stairway I thought that he was also the biggest Klingon in the Empire.

I looked for my advantage. This was not an equal match, and my gigantic friend was in the full flush of a berserker blood lust. I sighed. I’m too old for this, I thought. 

. . .

“Get security, Chief, and tell them to prepare the biggest cell they have … or a smaller coffin for me,” I said as I moved into the alcove and squeezed through the opening where the panel had been. 

 Listen I would apologize for including this here but he’s clearly getting off on this and I couldn’t do anything about it if I wanted to. 

I cannot convey just how much my already intense enjoyment of canon is enriched by the knowledge that Garak is up to these kinds of hijinks constantly in the background when the camera isn’t on him. In his defense he was left unsupervised. O’Brien’s fond mildly exasperated help is just the cherry on top. ‘Well I GUESS Julian would be upset if I let you get beaten to death by a drunk Klingon so fine I’ve got your back’  

(I made for the upper Promenade—and wondered if Calyx might be enjoying this spectacle from wherever he was. ;______; I like how much of an impact Calyx has on his development, considering how briefly he was actually in his life. Plus: Calyx; the Aiglamene of Bamarren? Locked Tomb/DS9 fandom overlap people, Let’s Discuss.) 

“Help me,” he croaked. I was touched by the giant’s childlike surrender. I knew the feeling well.

“I will,” I replied and immediately wondered why I had agreed. I’m getting soft, I thought. 

The greatest joy to me of a lot of this is, like… idk if these are all exactly the things that happened at every turn. In fact I’d say they very likely aren’t, Garak’s entire character taken into consideration. But they are certainly the things he wants someone — someone he trusts as far as he knows how, someone he earnestly wants to be closer to than anyone else, and also wants to see all of him — to know about him, to share in. This could just have easily been a story he told Julian in person over lunch to make him laugh. It’s silly and frivolous and fun, and as much at his own expense as a ludicrous person as to show off. To a true lying liar who lies connoisseur, unreliable narration tells more than it obscures etc. lol  

- (About Barkan) It was the appearance of warmth that made his charm so attractive. A part of me wanted to tell him everything, to challenge the duplicity of his negative evaluation, but the clarity I found in the Lower Prefect’s office was still with me. Looking at him, I was reminded how Palandine had taught me to smile when I asked questions.

Apart from Pythas, who gets his own little twink corner, most of the people Garak is attracted to throughout this are his height or taller and slender but athletic. I’m just saying that when he spotted Julian in the Replimat for the first time he really saw a young man with the face of an angel who is exactly his type fhdjskah maybe he should have seen this coming for himself. Too high on endorphins and hubris to think this would awaken anything in him irrevocably and now he’s stuck with the consequences.  

Why? I asked myself. Why?! For the life of me I could not understand why it was important to her that I respond. Why should she—so beautiful, so alive—be disappointed if I didn’t return her … what? What did she want from me? Friendship? Why me?

I was in turmoil. Her grace and manner, the way she tilted her head and half smiled when she listened, as if everything amused her … it was like a forbidden dream of the unattainable. The attraction was painful because I instinctively knew that while my life would be simpler and more controllable without her, it would also be as drab as my Bamarren uniform.

. . . 

“Are you making fun of me?” It was at that moment, when I asked the question, that I realized just how afraid I was of being the object of her ridicule. She stopped laughing and for the first time she was speechless. 

Losing my entire fucking MIND about how Garak is basically taking Palandine’s place when he approaches Julian at first. Odo and Garak ‘I love you so much I want to become you because it’s the only way I can imagine really being close to you’ handshake meme

Sex stuff end. For now.

I was about to leave when Odo asked about the designs for his “new” sartorial look. I could see that he was masking his concern, so I assured him that the sketches were some of my finest creations, and would be ready within the week. He grunted his thanks and I stepped out onto the Promenade. Love does make fools of us all.

I’m clawing at my face with emotion. Odo… And Garak did finish those sketches even after his moment of existential ennui over them before. 

- Please for the love of god stop putting Six out in the merciless sun T_____T how many times must a poor lil nerd boy pass out before he can rest in the sand etc. 

- “It’s not every evening we find Barkan Lokar strolling with a murk through the Grounds.”

“Lokar? My father buried the Legate, Turat Lokar,” I said without thinking.

“Did your father kill him?” Palandine joked. But I didn’t laugh. The Lokars were a legendary family, and the old man’s funeral was the largest I had ever seen.

Why is this so funny. Garak you are so fucking weird. ‘Oh yeah I know that guy my dad did the flower arrangements for his funeral’ 

- A spirited dabo game involving several Klingons and a serious-looking dabo girl I hadn’t seen before caught my attention. If Quark had been present he’d be giving her one of his congeniality lectures. I truly sympathize with the young woman; if I had to spend all day with these drunken dolts….

Literally so hilarious that’s his first thought. First impulse: ‘surrounded by idiots’ solidarity. Garak what were you doing day drinking at the devil’s sacrament/quarks at midday girl…

- Rom soon appeared with a small container of kanar. He was wearing an outfit I had made for him.

“H-here you are, Garak. I hope you enjoy it.” Ever the gracious host.

“Thank you, Rom. And please, try not to let your collar lie there like a dead targ.” I adjusted the offending fabric, and Rom sweetly tolerated my fussing.

I’m fucking crying what the HELL. Surprise wholesome dynamic that keeps going through the whole narrative. Garak just uncomplicatedly likes and appreciates Rom, with no particular ulterior motive. Plus: fussing is also how we see Mila express affection, like mother like son.   

- I realized as I took a sip of my drink that I was in a dangerous mood. Drinking in the middle of the day. The Doctor would be quite disappointed with me. When I’m unable to immerse myself in work my mind becomes occupied by an invading army of thoughts intent upon conquering all equilibrium and peace. Kanar is a valuable if unreliable weapon I employ against this army. The pills the Doctor gives me are a poor substitute.

Julian, severely unimpressed: uh-huh

‘Would Julian want me to do this to myself? No. However he’s too busy playing soldiers with O’Brien to tell me so, apparently, so that can’t stop me.’ You petty lil bitch garak (affectionate)

The fact that he’s doing the The Little Julian Who Lives In My Head thing already here, where the real Julian is actually around but not engaged with him. I’m so sad. He’s managed to discover shrimp colour spectrums of loneliness and pining.  

- Ever since the Romulan business and Captain Sisko’s near breakdown (outside of the Doctor, whom I told shortly after the incident, no one knows about this, but one recognizes the symptoms), I’ve been obsessed with memories of Bamarren. 

The fact that he tells Julian about that. Presumably partly in a practical way to make sure Sisko doesn’t fall to pieces completely but he doesn’t seem to have any shame about it or expect Bashir to react too badly over it either. The trust…

- I must admit that I was quite taken aback. Evidently there is honor among dolts.

I’m genuinely impressed by how enjoyable it is in this book to be party to Garak’s inner voice. It’s so fun in here, among all the horrors. 

- Nine approached me as I sat alone in our quarters reading the first part of Cylon Pareg’s Eternal Stranger, a saga spanning several generations of a Cardassian family during the early and middle Union.

*whisper of agonized affection* between this and his happy place being studying wormhole theory… he’s such a little nerd. 

Nine swallowed again, an even more bitter taste, and marched off to a life of diminishing returns.

LMAO burn. And, as we shall see, not necessarily inaccurate.  

- As I walked away I heard the custodian ask Tarnal what it was I had done to deserve this punishment.

“Nobody told me. But I know he’s got a mouth on him,” Tarnal replied.

The more things change I guess fdhsakja. Known across the school for being a) a sneaky lil bastard and b) never ever shutting the fuck up when he really really should 

- “And you have to use that wonderful smile of yours more often, Elim.”

“What’s that got to do with listening?” That was the subject, and Palandine had typically made a jump in logic I couldn’t follow. She also forgot that I was a Cardassian male and smiling was not one of our strong features.

“If they feel comfortable with you, people will tell you stories about themselves that will reveal their deepest secrets.”

“But what if the stories aren’t true?” I challenged. “I could smile till my cheeks hurt, and you could tell me any kind of story you wanted—and what would I know about you except what you invented?”

“You would know, if you were truly listening, the kind of story I use to define myself,” she asserted.

“But it’s not the truth!” I maintained.

“Why not? Because it’s not what you believe? Or it doesn’t fit a definition of the truth that someone taught you? Look at people, Elim.” Palandine gestured as if the enclosure were filled with people. “Observe them. The way they walk and talk, the way they hold themselves and eat their meals. That’s what they believe about themselves. Is it the ‘truth’? Are they really that way? I don’t know. Perhaps it is a lie. But what people lie about the most are themselves, and these lies become the stories they believe and want to tell you.”

“As long as I’m smiling,” I mumbled.

. . . 

“Truth, as we’ve learned to define it, is not only overrated,” she went on with a controlled passion, “it’s designed to keep people in the dark.”

This last statement stopped me.

“You mean the way we’ve been taught?” I asked.

“Of course.”

“What about our government?”

“They tell us the stories that we need to know in order to be good citizens,” she replied carefully.

“They don’t tell us the truth, is what you’re saying,” I concluded.

“There you go again. They tell us their truth, Elim, and we are here to learn how to listen.”

. . . 

“Let the ones without power scowl and make fierce faces.You smile. It’s an invitation to connect with another person. And once the invitation is accepted, relax and listen … you’ll come to know as much as you’ll ever need to about that person,” she said with a smile that I greedily accepted.

“You would know, if you were truly listening, the kind of story I use to define myself,” she asserted. 

“But it’s not the truth!” I maintained.

“Why not?” 

SO when I was saying he’s taking Palandine’s place in this dynamic with Julian early on I was not kidding and I was not wrong hahaha. And it’s also what this entire book is, in the end. Trusting Julian to ‘truly listen’ to the story under the stories is maybe the biggest show of trust and vulnerability Garak could ever extend to anyone. Extremely The Wire-core once more.

The idea that tiny Garak was too outwardly glum and serious is. Amazing and brainbreaking. People feeling uncomfortable under his gaze b/c he’ll just like scowl distrustfully at them. Palandine I don’t know if you fixed him or made him worse but you certainly did something fundamental to him and committed him to the bit and for that I cannot thank you enough

- I no longer had Palandine to myself—but surprisingly, I didn’t mind, in fact I was pleased that Charaban was here. His stillness, like everything else about him, had grace and strength. I sneaked another look in his direction and marveled that this was the same person I had first encountered in the storeroom. He returned my look, and in the next few moments a bond grew between us that I had never thought possible. 

You know if Barkan was really smart or had the capacity for extended self-control he would have just kept stringing Garak along as the third in his disastrous marriage. Garak is used to subsisting on the merest scraps of affection and consideration, you’d barely even have to feed him. (Ala Daisuke Jigen with many an evil ex, for the Lupinheads out there lol) A threesome here and there and maybe gently stroking his hair afterwards and you’d have him for life, probably. Alas or perhaps thankfully Barkan is ultimately just an asshole and not that smart. 

- A Bolian client came down the steps outside the door and was about to enter the shop, but for some reason he stopped at the threshold. He looked at us, turned, and went back the way he came.

LMAO that guy was like ‘something really fraught and homosexual is going on here and that is frankly none of my business, as you were gentlemen don’t mind me.’ A real ally and a bro.  

“I’m keeping you from your business.” Bashir stood up. “I won’t take up any more of your time.”

“I’m pleased you stopped by.” I was about to escort him to the door.

“No, you’re not,” he said quietly.

“Excuse me?”

“Garak, I come from a culture that has perfected the ‘stiff upper lip,’” he explained with the same faint smile.

“What does that mean?” It was a genuine question; there was a change in his attitude.

“It means that we never complain, never admit to our feelings, never ask for help. It’s just not done,” Bashir explained. “And those people who lack character’ and insist on airing their needs—especially in public—are subject to ridicule… and worse. Does this sound familiar?”

“Perhaps,” I replied softly.

“But I’m also a doctor, Garak. And I know which group of people suffers the most. I really won’t take up any more of your time.” He extended his hand, which he rarely did, and I took it. “Thank you for the tea.” He turned and went out the door.

I stood there for a long moment, deeply upset. I felt trapped within myself, knowing what I had to do to get out but unable even to begin. Yes, Doctor, it does sound familiar. But as to the question of which group suffers the most…

. . . 

After Charaban’s betrayal I became as withdrawn and solitary as I had been when I first came to the Institute. I tried to spend time with Palandine, but it never quite worked out; between her regular duties and the recruitment and planning for the female Competition, she had little time for anything else. But there was something else, a distance that had crept between us that I didn’t understand. I felt ashamed, that somehow I had failed and it was my fault, but I found it difficult to discuss. This was probably the loneliest I had ever been.

1) Going NUTS over the fact that these are separated by ONE paragraph. Andy Robinson staring directly into the camera making parallels between the main love interests in this book like ‘Am I making myself clear here. Do you get it yet’. Also really interesting to make this relationship pattern a, well, pattern in Garak’s life, and not a unique element of his and Bashir’s thing (which Doylistically was basically a byproduct of cowardly 90s standards for tv writing more than anything else lol)

2) But there was something else, a distance that had crept between us that I didn’t understand. I felt ashamed, that somehow I had failed and it was my fault, but I found it difficult to discuss. This was probably the loneliest I had ever been.

 The Palandine/Bashir parallel train barrels on, scoring a deep trail of heartache into my soul. Also in that case it’s so sad because he really hasn’t done anything wrong or anything to be ashamed of, Barkan and Palandine are the ones who fucked him over :’( 

3) I stood there for a long moment, deeply upset. I felt trapped within myself, knowing what I had to do to get out but unable even to begin. + Tolan’s grief at seeing Garak after Bamorren: “He’s hard, Mila,” Father said. . . . “But to the point where he’s unreachable?” Father asked. “Where nothing penetrates? How can he express even his basic needs if he’s trapped inside a shell?” + Just as I had learned to do when Uncle Enabran locked me in that suffocating closet. Was this the universal torture for failure, I wondered?...........................................................................

4) More proof to my eyes that Julian’s side of this whole thing seems to be more about thinking Garak doesn’t actually want him to be there. He doesn’t think he’s welcome here or that he’ll be able to help more than he hurts with whatever’s going on for him. ‘I really won’t take up any more of your time’ AUGH 

Garak buddy… every time he tries to get closer to you or extend some care, you bristle like a hedgehog even though you’re trying to do it in as polite and decent a way as possible — what is the poor guy supposed to think beyond a certain point lmao. (Though on the hopeful/beautiful side… what is this entire book but Garak actually taking the advice/suggestion Bashir gives in this scene to reexperience his past and put it in context — not in the holosuites, but in his own way by writing it all out in a way that makes sense to his Cardassian brain and then sharing that with Julian directly. Like. The last line of the book is ‘You’re always welcome, Doctor’. Elim ‘I will become emotionally healthy enough to ask Julian to come visit with an open heart if it fucking kills me’ Garak)  

I’m so soft for how careful they both are with each other in this scene, though. Even in this difficult place where there’s stuff they don’t understand about each other and they are having difficulty connecting for… several reasons, they are trying so so hard to be good to each other. Which is why I think they have every chance of working out brilliantly long-term; once you’ve got a mutual respect, willingness to keep working to understand and communicate with each other even when it’s difficult, and that fundamental ‘I don’t want to hurt you’ good faith in a relationship you’re a good chunk of the way there, from what I have observed. 

Julian cares that Garak was upset, much more than he cares about being right, and this time he shows it in a more private setting where Garak can take it in. They’re trying!  

5) The implication in But as to the question of which group suffers the most… that Garak also realizes how much he’s hurting Julian by not being able to let him in…

Most of all the fact that Bashir in this scene is like ‘Listen Garak I get emotional repression. I’m literally British.’ is one of the funniest things that happen in the whole book. To me. (I’m Norwegian, culturally this has. Some overlap with my experience, let’s say lol) 

- Six had long since gone home. He wanted to succeed so badly, but his body couldn’t withstand the constant assault of the training. I’m sure he found an academic situation. 

Oh thank GOD. Genuinely so relieved to hear this. This is how many times a nerd boy must pass out before he rests in the sand and gets to go to normal university instead of murderschool, the question is finally answered.  

- Tain has shown up again and I want to throw rocks at him until he goes away. And I know he won’t. 

- My shed has become somewhat more bearable, but the clutter and confinement of the interior space requires that I leave the door open. To keep myself busy when I’m not working with the med unit, Doctor, I am engaged in a project I must tell you about. It baffles me. Perhaps you can tell me if I’m losing my mind altogether.

. . . 

[Parmak] turned to me with the strangest expression on his face—and looked me directly in the eyes for the first time.

AUGH. (Plus, the fact that Parmak consistently calls him ‘Elim’.)

But what baffles me, Doctor, is that I attach no meaning to what I’m doing here. I’m just doing it because I need to. And to be truthful, I don’t see this as a memorial at all. On the contrary—if I could, I’d singlehandedly rebuild this city myself, piece by piece. I stood here watching Parmak’s blood dry on this pile of rubble, engulfed by a feeling of loss and utter mystification as to what these piles mean.

Just assure me that I’m not going mad, Doctor.

This whole section is the biggest mood and I’ve rarely felt closer to a fictional character haha. His quietly dissociated tired bemusement both with himself and what he’s doing and Parmak’s reaction is… yeah that’s exactly what that feels like. And ‘Just assure me that I’m not going mad, Doctor’ has done irreparable damage to my psyche, I’m going to be thinking about this forever

- Palandine gestured that she would deal with me and sent the mate on her way.

“So what did you use me for?” I asked.

“What do we ever use each other for?” she replied without hesitation.

“Answering a question with a question is an old trick, Palandine.”

“No trick. I needed a friend.”

“And you don’t need a friend now” I hated the tone that was creeping into my voice.

“It’s complicated, Elim.”

I was afraid to ask why.

“What did you use me for?” she asked.

The question truly baffled me. I only wanted her love. Was that using her? I would gladly have given mine in return.

Still gnawing on concrete over Garak partially reenacting Palandine’s way of approaching him with Bashir in the beginning. At that point he also needed a friend (and he needed someone to run to Sisko like ‘THE SPY TALKED TO ME :D’ to deliver intel through so he was also using him lol.) The way Garak picks up traits from the people he loves like he’s doing the soul version of Odo’s shapeshifting-as-closeness thing because it’s the only way he knows. 

- “So it’s Eight,” he said, dismissing me from his world.

“I don’t think you understand, Barkan….” Palandine began to say.

“It’s not necessary that he understand,” I dismissed him from my world.

Barkan… you did not understand what you were doing, getting into an emotionally and sexually charged petty-off with this man. RIP your stupid ass I guess lmao

“I wanted to tell you. But when I realized … I didn’t want to hurt you,” she said with a gentleness that rankled me.

“I’m not hurt. Neither one of you can hurt me. I wish you a successful… partnership.”

Palandine is so interesting!!!! And like here’s one of the things that I think make a big difference in Garak’s relationship with Palandine vs. his relationship with Julian — who tells him exactly the same thing in ‘The Wire’, after all! (I don’t want to hurt you) Because Palandine doesn’t really mean it, does she? She doesn’t mean ‘I don’t want you to be hurting, I want to protect you from being harmed’, she means ‘I didn’t want to be the thing that hurt you; I didn’t want to be faced with your hurt’, while she is doing things that will inevitably hurt him. I think there is genuine affection and care on her side, but they’re in such a fucked up, brutal world and they’re so young. 

‘I’m not hurt. Who’s hurt’ says teen crying quiet tears of blood as his world falls to pieces 

“I love him, Elim. And I’m also ambitious. I want what he wants. You’ll understand this when you find someone to share your….”

Not me wondering how much of this has echoes to Mila’s relationship to Tain and how that’s part of what Garak reacts to — that survival mechanism of ‘I want what he wants’, subsuming and submitting yourself completely. Which of course is what a Cardassian is supposed to do to the state, and that Garak also does with Tain for the vast majority of both of their lives. The worst part is that Palandine really had some reason to hope for more — she and Barkan start out in a more equal position than it’s implied Mila and Tain ever did, that’s always framed as an inter-class thing, and while Palandine’s family situation is not as grand as Barkan’s it doesn’t seem like it crosses the service class/ruling class barrier. But the structure of the state imposed on every level of society right down to the most intimate and personal areas of life is going to crush the life out of that hope real fast. I’m sorry girl. Wanting to have a fighting chance in this world isn’t the worst sin anyone’s committed and tbf you are like a teen by all accounts

- “My name is Elim Garak. I don’t know where I’m being sent, but I hope you’ll remember me as your friend.”

“When I was told today that I was One Lubak, I was honored… and afraid that I’d lose you as a friend. Thank you. My name is Pythas Lok.”

Neither one of us ever took our eyes off Mila, who was still trying to blend into his surroundings.

Crying gently into my cereal

Garak ‘I wasn’t sure I could ever call him a friend’ vs. Pythas ‘Afraid that I’d lose you as a friend’

Something powerful was stirring deep inside me, and I began to shake. Mila snapped his head to the side, the way he does when he senses light or heat change. Convulsive waves pushed up from my center and tears filled my eyes, blinding me. I had absolutely no control over what was happening to me. By the time the convulsions subsided and my eyes cleared, Mila had disappeared into the rock-and-sand home he came from. 

Absolutely sobbing my eyes out into my cereal 

Spoiler warning: Garak having to go somewhere to be alone after something calamitous happens in his life because that’s the only way he can cry is a theme that will reemerge later and do unspeakable emotional damage to me personally haha

As I hiked back to the Institute, I had the thought that maybe somebody was doing the same thing for me and bringing me back home.

No baby you see someone is doing the exact opposite of this to you right now because you have a basic goodness and capacity for real honest love that Tain doesn’t and he’ll never in a million years set you free just because he loves you and it’s the right thing for you 

- And Jadzia is gone. The station is a sadder and grayer place without her. I’m surprised at how keenly I feel her absence. Even though I know that her symbiont has been “joined” with another person … well, it’s not the same, is it? Indeed, knowing that Jadzia’s personality is somehow contained along with several others within this other person, I wonder how I would react if we were ever to meet.

:(

The doctor has reminded me that these are personal choices, and it’s not for us to judge how one chooses to mourn. Quite so. Who can even begin to understand another’s grief? “Do you judge people by the clothes they ask you to make?” the doctor asked once. I bit back my response, but the point was well taken.

:’) little soul-healing brush of Julian kindness time 

- “What does Tir Remara want with you?” Colonel Kira demanded, ignoring my offer of tea. Immediately an entire picture formed in my head of the scenario her abrupt question suggested: Tir Remara—a spy, perhaps even a changeling, preying upon a lonely Cardassian who was working for the Federation and engaged in top-secret work.

“She wants to have my children,” I replied with a serious look.

“You can’t be serious,” she managed.

“I’m not. Now do you want this tea or not?”

Kira should just have strangled you all those times she wanted to you snarky asshole fhdskja

#a stitch in time #asit #garashir #star trek #star trek ds9 #ds9 #elim garak #The great ASIT first read adventure #<- making that the tag for the rest of the posts! #ds9 meta #well nominally I do SOME analysis between all the keysmashing and nonsense haha #forgive me if I've gotten something wrong in this I've been uh. overexcited! I'm sure I'll be able to think clearly again soon (lying) #julian bashir #I'm not going to tag every char I talk about in this because I do love myself a bit but the good doctor hangs over everything in this book #so he gets his own tag #maybe I'll come back and get them all for book keeping purposes eventually but nOT tonight

[brandnewhuman]

Also I had a thought: how would the slashers (specifically bo and Vincent) react to you shoving your face in their chest like so

I saw Osirisv (I think that’s their url) do it in art form but I’d love to see it in a written form, such as a headcanon. I feel like they would all react differently depending on which slasher you’re referring to, y’know? Anyway hope you have a good day/night lovely!

READER PLANTING

THEIR FACE ON

THE SLASHER'S

BADOONKAS

[Sinclair Twins edition]

CONTENT:

Bo Sinclair - Vincent Sinclair

Tw: head full, so many horny thoughts. NSFW, mature language

A/n: THIS REMINDED ME OF THIS ONE TIKTOK SOUND. Anyway I think I saw the post you're talking about and I THOUGHT THE EXACT SAME THING. I was like "damn...all those tiddies and no one is writing about them". But fear do not cause im here to get all of us to horny jail. I hope its okay if did only the twins, if you want other slashers I can do them in a part two!

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

BO SINCLAIR:

Every time I watch house of wax and Bo comes out in that black suit i- 

They knew what they were doing when they decided to do that shit

I haven't known a single day of peace since

Onto business now

HE IS WEARING THE DAMN SUIT

He should've seen it coming, honestly. 

He's going around with all of that and expects you to do nothing about it? Not today Satan 

You just casually approach him as he is fixing his hair in front of the mirror

He senses your unhinged thoughts from miles away

"Goddammit y/n just do it instead already!!" 

That's all you needed.

He didn't even finished the whole sentence that you're already attempting to your own life by suffocating your face in Bo's glorious chest

HEAR ME OUT. he's like really fit and he's not ripped but he has definition in his muscles right? THE TIDDIES THO

SOFT TIDDIES AND SQUEEZABLE 

while you're in your personal piece of heaven he's just like contemplating his life decisions 

This tall ass bitch acts all tough but as soon as your face is touching his chest he's blushing like an idiot. 

His own horny bastard brain decides to match your energy and he just smirks

"You know… if you really like me so much you should really show me how grateful you are for em, don't ya think doll?" *boner alert* 

I- I can't excuse myself I'm sorry

IT'S NOT MY FAULT HE'S A WHORE

moral of the story, if you do this Bo is gonna get horny and either fuck you into oblivion or just having his head full of sinful thoughts 

VINCENT SINCLAIR:

I think you would genuinely kill him if you do something like this 

But like "oh shy uwu boi" but more like "im restraining myself and my unholy thoughts from auto combustion" 

He's always so focused on his work that most of the he doesn't even pays attention to what anyone's saying 

So when you ask "can I squeeze your boobs" he just absentmindedly nods while, ironically, trying to get the perfect boots shape of one of his wax figures 

He realise when is too late and you're already assaulting his chest by squeezing it and slamming your face against it 

Baby boy is flabbergasted. 

He awkwardly pats your head and stares into the void while his only working brain cell thinks about very naughty things 

He feels so guilty about it

Babe has never experienced things like this so he feels like one wrong move could ruin the mood 

Grateful for the mask covering his now red face

I have this strong feeling that Vinny's chest is less soft than Bo's. Like he's a little bit more on the just fit side than toned or muscular 

He's not gonna be like bo and just be a whore on main out of the blue 

But he's gonna think about how you soft hands (smaller or bigger depending on how yours are) feel against his chest, how he can feel your warm breath against his skin even if he's wearing a shirt and the you intoxicating scent invading his senses 

Yeah he's gonna think about that a lot, when he's alone, preferably in the bathroom with the door locked. 

#slashers #slasher community #slasher fandom #horror movies #slasher fanfiction #slasher x reader #bo sinclair #vincent sinclair #vincent sinclair x reader #bo sinclair x reader #house of wax

[everythingendsbutcomicsr4ever]

((This originally comes as my response to someone saying that ppl don’t like The Sun and The Star because it’s a middle school book and we were expecting the series to grow along with us.))

Valid point I keep finding BUT I recently read the PJO series again in preparation for TSATS and those books still slap!! They’re so good even tho I’m reading them as an adult even though they're meant for kids. (Also I recently read ToA because of course I’m gonna keep reading Rick’s middle school books until the day I die or they stop coming out lol. And that series while more goofy at points I still really liked) I also read one of Mark Oshiro's other books in prep for this book because I was excited for The Sun and Star to be released and I just COULD NOT get through it 😭 the writing was just giving me the ick and the characters where all kind of samie like that sassy talking wit. Which was a bummer because I liked the premise of the book “Anger is a Gift”, which was about underfunded schools mainly facing ppl of color and immigrants which leads to the school-to-prison pipeline because of the defunct way America funds public schools that keeps the poor poor and the rich getting richer & it was ACAB & had a lot of queer representation & etc. So I thought I’d really like it but I just couldn’t get through it because of the writing and I noticed this same writing style showing up in TSATS. Just because it’s for kids doesn’t excuse it from being bad. Like early Pixar and Studio Ghibli is still so good to watch back again and my 50+ yrs old parents like it. Book examples would be Harry Potter (screw JK Rowling tho fr) & the The Little Prince

Not to bash on ppl who say this is the main reason ppl don’t like the book but it feels like a straw man argument to say that the books not growing with us is the main reason ppl didnt like it. All tho I’m sure ppl have argued this but that is definitely their fault because Rick is staying in middle-grade fiction forever like that’s his thing! Why would ppl expect different 🤣 You think he wants to write a sex scene?! LMAO

(Here’s my review, it’s unhinged and not great because I should be doing productive stuff but am distracted until I can at least write down some of my thoughts on my disappointing experience)

Here are some things I didn’t like about it from a piece of art standpoint:

The pacing was bad

This book was filled with the first thing they teach you about writing which is: SHOW don’t TELL

It made me not ship Solangelo surprisingly like how??! I used to love Solangelo but I think this mainly is because of the collective consciousness of the fandom and because we wanted Nico to find happiness with someone. But if you really look back on their moments canonically from the books Will is a background character (who honestly kind of gaslights Nico by invalidating that ppl treated him differently as a son of Hades and that he didn't feel welcome at camp) and they kind of have a quick meet cute in the last book of The Last Olympian. They get together without us seeing their developing relationship and we now know they’re dating in The Trials of Apollo where we see them briefly in the first book and then more so in the last book. Honestly, this canonically alone doesn’t give me enough information or examples to really know or care about their relationship in comparison to Percy and Annabeth who we get to see develop. So TSATS just kind of felt hollow to me because I’m supposed to believe they’d die for each other but I DONT KNOW THE POWER OF THEIR LOVE?? This could just be a first love fling type thing like I was never shown the depth of their romance just told constantly in the book how much they love each other so it just felt kind of empty and emotionally unsatisfying to me.

Solangelo's relationship has always been in the background and the fans are what really made it cause we love Nico and want him to be happy. So when Will and Nico are fighting in this book all I can think is that this is just their relationship period.

So the reason it made me not like Solangelo was because Tarturus was supposed to bring out the worst in them and strain their relationship but, like, I haven’t really seen much of their relationship so I don’t have a “control group” to base this off of. So Will just seemed rude when he was so mean about Nico’s underworld home and about Nico's darkness which I also didn’t understand wtf he was talking about because Nico has killed just as many monsters as other campers and what else was his darknes based off of. cause he’s emo/goth?? Cause he can raise the dead?? Like guys we’ve discussed this just because a character wears black doesn't automatically make them the bad guy. I honestly thought Will just thought that was hot and they’d have that normie x alt relationship dynamic (that meme of: My hot witch wife. Me doing whatever she wants) I thought THAT was Solangelo not Will constantly trying to bring this light side to him and trying to change him. I agree that Nico needs help w his trauma and PTSD and things like that but this felt like if someone tried to “cure” a goth person, like actually screw you

I thought Will was supposed to look like a normie but be secretly a freak (in a good way lol) / goth interest. Cause this is meee I thought I was like Will as someone who looks like a normie and has a sunny disposition but I have a lot of alt/goth interests and I would let an alt girlie step all over me tbh lol. So does he like Nico for who he is or not?!

This is more in line w what I thought their relationship was like lol:

The flashbacks and forwards I thought were ok even if they took you out of the story a bit but this device is supposed to be used for an IMPORTANT event not just as a way to quickly give context to their relationship and when we got to the scene this was taking place in I was like that’s it?? He what? fell down and is suffering from sun withdrawals and this is the book's big moment to justify jarring flashback scenes?

Mark Oshiro is not a fantasy adventure or horror writer and it shows. Maybe it’s just me but their depiction of Tarturus and the nightmare and the journey were just not up to snuff with good horror and fantasy books I’ve read. (And if your gonna say something about how it’s for kids then I raise you the book series “Goosbumps”) So as a genre in itself, it was just disappointing. It was mainly a relationship guidebook book but I didn’t really like that or feel like it was done well, It felt lectury and also idk if that's the genre middle schoolers really like?? 😅

It had too many references which really dates a book, A lot of professional writers say not to use too much slang or modernreferences (unless you’re trying to make a book expressly about a time period) because it really dates a book and doesn’t make a story feel timeless for future generations if you use too many references (this doesn’t include political novels tho which are very much based in that time when the events happening) Anyways for future writers keep this in mind, you don't need to keep in touch with the youth through urban dictionary you can just write about the emotions of being young or whatever. If you’ve tried to read a comic book aimed at teens from the 50s like I have you’ll realise how funny that is.

(Also the carebear reference that I didn’t even understand and I watched carebear as a kid & Lil Nas video which if this was written for kids that music video feels a bit inappropriate for them 😂 it had a reference both too old and too young for middle schoolers AND how in the world would 1930s born, dropped out of elementary school, can’t use the internet or phones half blood, NICO DI ANGELO know these references???)

The writings giving:

Bad alt representation. (This is my most out-of-pocket opinionated bullet point rant so if you don't agree that’s a-okay :D ) This could be a whole post in itself but although I know ppl joke about Nico as the Emo kid I would really like to get into how Nico is actually, or it would be cool, as having some goth subculture inclinations. And ppl probably think of Trad Goths with the whole makeup and teased hair look but it’s mainly a music-based subculture and/or it just has a different idealogy around the ideas of death and what is deemed beautiful while most ppl see it as ugly. (Like listen to “Gallows Dance” or the Bauhaus's “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” & “The Passion of Lovers”, to name songs off the top of my head) This bullet point is definitely MY OPINION and doesn’t contribute exactly to the book being bad but aren’t those songs the vibe of an underworld kid like Nico?? Embracing the darkness and dancing in graveyard vibes fr!! Anyways most alt subcultures and especially emo are seen as a phase in life that you grow out of and then become normal. This book just really gives the energy of being written by a normie who would be confused by the choices of alt ppl and just doesn’t get it because it’s not their personal interest, which isn’t exactly bad even tho I want more philosophy from Nico on the chillness and acceptance of death (all tho greek mythologies view on the afterlife sucks fr and THAT is a whole other post haha) So this isn’t exactly a problem BUT what gives me the ick is WILL NOT ACCEPTING THESE THINGS LIKE SIR STOP BASHING YOUR BOYFRIENDS LIFE!! Will asking Persephonee, “How do you love someone from the underworld” SHUT UP!! 😤

Will was useless and I know what they were trying to go for but if I had a girlfriend (oh I’m a lesbian btw just in case ppl think I’m going harder on this book more than the other books because I’m homophobic bruh I swear I’m not I’m only disappointed in the art itself, NOT the representation which I actually liked) and if I was super good at fighting and they weren’t, I’m sorry but I wouldn’t take them BECAUSE of my love for them. If they were going to be useless on a mission of such life-threatening danger and importance I WOULD NOT TAKE THEM OUT OF KINDNESS. Like skills in medicine and art and music are great and there’s of course nothing wrong w not being a badass fighter (lmao this is me and most readers) but then DONT GO TO SUPER HELL!!! Especially if you have something that makes you more pathetic than being a normal human in Tarturus, his suffering from no sunlight is out of pocket and just makes the story draggg and makes him seem boring and the story more boring. I know they were trying to go for a fish out of water storyline and roll reversal but I think it wasn’t done well enough and overall hurt the story

Also, I’ve heard ppl talk about how it would have been nice to have a book focus on their relationship while at Camp Half-Blood. Like maybe it takes place pre Jason's death and we can just see them living at camp. It’d be chill and we can actually see them as a couple & It would give the energy of readers wanting to go to camp half-blood again like how everyone wanted to go to Hogwarts. Cause we haven’t seen the camp as a fun home since the very early PJO books ;-; (this is just a fun idea I like and I think would have been more manageable for an author but this is FR my opinion on a fun book idea i’d like to read) ALSO this would have been so nostalgic for the older readers who have been here since middle school gobbling up this universe 😌

I know ppl get mad at ppl making fun of Will for being pathetic in tarturous. As saying he’s a child and no one can be happy and sunny and doing well 24/7 which is valid but that’s not really my argument. I like watching characters put in situations where we watch them bend against what we thought they were when put in a hard situation (the masochist in me lol jkjjk). But this I think didn’t work for me because as I’ve said before he’s mainly a background character at the end of one book thrown together with Nico and we as a fandom have mainly made him up. Also, Tarturus was just not as scary or adventure-filled as like any of the other missions from previous PJO books, It didn’t feel as trauma-inducing as everyone in the series tried to explain it as. (again show not tell from the book) Also, I would have liked to have seen Will cool at least once or one reason for me to like him with Nico but I saw him as pretty bland as a character

The writing style felt bad to me because of the show don’t tell part for example telling as “it made him sad and traumatized” when showing would be, you know, actually showing the scenes and this book just felt like 80% telling what they were feeling instead of letting the reader feel the emotions of the scene for themselves

I think that’s another thing I really didn’t like related to the Show Don't Tell. And another hallmark of bad writing was this book was really telling the audience how to feel instead of allowing the story to be powerful enough to do that for itself. This book follows a trend I’ve seen a lot in TV shows where everything kind of feels like detached irony from being on Twitter where you hear everyone’s opinions so the story is written as a wink and a nod like we know what we’re doing and we know what your thinking and how twitter will react to it. Like it’s hard to describe this trend I’ve mainly seen in TV shows and movies recently which always gives me the ick cause it doesn’t feel funny it feels like I’m in a response piece that is breaking the fourth wall and reminds me that I’m in reality watching or reading something instead of actually feeling like I’m in the story. It’s like pseudo-wittiness or something. Tell me if you guys feel this way about some modern tv shows or books, I can't be alone please 😭!!

The stupid toast scene at the end lol The book is like: Do you get it? Did you get it?? They’re opposites! And they attract!! We did the trope you guys!! Also, the stupid Darth Vader scene to start off the book 💀

This whole book made me cringe where I had to constantly get up walk around and lie on the floor before I could continue, only to constantly repeat the cycle 😅

Anyway, idk how to end this review/rant I just had such strong emotions I had to get out probably because I was so excited for this book to come out for like over a year and got back into PJO for a bit and read some of Mark Oshiro’s books and greek mythology and stuff, so I think it wasn’t just me reading any random bad book it disappointed me more that it was poor quality because I wanted to love it so much.

It did have some actually good parts, the troglodytes were cute … I can’t remember the other stuff but it was there I swear lol! If you enjoyed it I’m happy for you! Don’t let me ruin a book you like, you deserve to feel joy 😘💐

#the sun and the star spoilers #the sun and the star #tsats spoilers #tsats #anti tsats #pjo hoo toa tsats #pjoverse #pjo #tsats rant #nico di angelo #will solace #solangelo #solangelo book #percy jackson

[buggyandthebartoclub]

Some SFW Goofy / Silly HC's for Shachi!! For my beloved @mandiemegatron - my beloved Shachi mutual <3 THESE HC ARE SFW MY BLOG IS NOT head the warnings above! Ageless blogs without 'adult' in bio will be blocked if you interact!

Goofy/Random Shachi HC's (Silly/Goofy Shachi in love at the bottom as a bonus)

Music taste alternates between heavy rock and the cringiest shit you’ve ever heard bc it made him laugh ( He and Penguin listen to bbno$ and Yung Gravy, and I think that’s hilarious - pry that one from my cold dead hands.)

LOVES puns. I mean, just look at his fucking hat!

Also loves being cheesy/cheesy stuff. Silly poses, cringe outfits, bad puns, b rated movies, tacky patterns, you name it. If it makes a normal person cringe even just a little he LOVES it! (Again.. look at his hat!)

Also likes cute stuff like Law, but not embarrassed by it (see above point) and will go overboard w it if he’s messing w Law (imagine that one post of them all going to see the barbie movie?? Pen made Law promise for them dress up for it but Shachi got the outfits ready that’s how I imagined that happening anyway )

Either super great or absolute dog shit at games. No in between. Avoids the ones he sucks at like the plague. Is a sore loser and WILL pout if he’s lost enough times (still pouts even if he only loses a little but its more subtle and he can get over it quicker lol)

His jokes/humor are also the same as his style and game talents, His jokes are usually cheesy, and either really fuckin funny or absolute cringiest shit you’ve ever heard, almost no in-between 

Loves pranks. Goes without saying really

Has this uncanny knack for finding things people would be unable to decide if they like or not, like say a keychain of their fave character for example, but the character is doing some weird bizarre ooc shit or its some on the most unhinged knock off of the original they’ve ever seen

Will tell you wrong information with his whole ass chest. He believes it. He is a a bit dumbass. Himbo-y if you will. Is shocked when he realizes he is in fact wrong and thinks you’re fucking with him. Always takes a minute to convince him he’s actually wrong even though no one is ever fucking with him when they tell him he’s wrong NOT saying he is rude or mean about it is just genuinely shocked he’s wrong what do you MEAN you’re serious that much salt doesn’t go in there you’re just trying to mess him up haha Ikaku… oh shit Ikaku was serious!! that was too much salt wtf!! 

Hes always joking so he thinks everyone else is too sometimes… to his own detriment occasionally lol, always says sorry after for not taking them seriously after with an embarrassed laugh ————Silly/Goofy in Love Shachi HC’s————

Mad dumb when in love/crushing

Im talking giggly, wiggly, ramp up the funny guy act by 10 (at first, he does chill out the longer the crush lasts/the more he’s around them/the more developed the relationship is)

Mixes up words a lot and says lots of goofy shit, esp when trying to be punny AND flirty, his poor brain can’t always keep up

Heartfelt/over the top romantic, gets pretty cheesy

Cheesy is honestly core staple of his personality, you have to love laughing and having fun to be with him for sure because that’s what fills most of your days together if you’re with him

Is a tickle monster, uses it to his advantage to get more cuddles and/or kisses in And make his partner laugh

If he thinks something about him turns his partner/crush on/they like that about him will go out of his way to try and show off even after getting together. Like his arms? Will tie down the top half of his suit and claim to be hot while working.. when its super cold lol - not subtle at all, plays dumb when teased about it

Dishes it out way harder than he can take it, is a bit of a baby if teased too much- will deny at all costs. Still tells you if it was a good burn tho later on

#shachi one piece #shachi headcannons #shachi x reader #shachi x you #just some light hearted silly sfw hc #he is THE biggest goofball ever I love him he's my stinky lil gremlin okay #will marry him #only sharing w Mandie and anyone who truly appreciates him!!! #stop putting his worth below peng bbs im so sad bout that #HE IS FUCKABLE!!!! #there's more to this but I decided to sort them better bc I got filth to write #sorry I forgot to post yesterday I drafted this on accident #ope #requests are opennnn if anyone wants more shachi content <<33 art dump coming tonight or in morning!! #unhinged writing #sfw #sfw hc #sfw but mdni #thank you #heed my banner buddies!!! adults only here please!

[chirpsythismorning]

Personal opinion; I think the Duffers are doing a mistake by not promoting Byler as a possibility at all. I know some people are gonna say that it is because they are trying to keep Byler as a plot twist, but still, they can promote the idea of it without going too far.

We like to say that how the 'ElMikeWill' love triangle is not acknowledged as a love triangle by the GA, Melvins or other fans, but honestly? It is not that it is not acknowledged as a 'love triangle' by non-Bylers, it is that it is not acknowledged as a love triangle by the show, creators or writers. It is not promoted like how Stancy versus Jancy thing is promoted. Mike’s not conditioned as having to choose between El and Will. Honestly, If I were to make my audience get warm for the idea of Byler potentially happening, i would put content regarding it, would try to portray the situation as a love triangle, like ‘Which person Mike is going to choose?’ questions would be on media outlets. Remember that the Duffers still refer to Stancy versus Jancy thing as a love triangle, they portray it as a situation where Nancy has to choose someone, media outlets talk about the love triangle aspect. Whereas for Mike and El and Will, there isn’t something like that. Mike’s not conditioned as being in a love triangle where he has to choose. Will’s situation only gets referred to as relatable and him getting acceptance. They portray Mike and El as a legitimate couple without any question, etc. That’s not exactly portraying as ‘love triangle’ situation here.

Take this as a criticism towards how they're approaching the situation, I guess. Now, I do not know what they're going to do once the trailers or filming or promoting whatever start in a couple of months. But so far, I think they just... are doing nothing and it is not good, imho.

This is all fair!

I do believe that they're going to have no choice but to be more obvious about byler endgame in promo for s5. And so I agree that in large part how I feel about their approach thus far does rely on what is still yet to come.

Personally, I think it's going to be impossible to throw in happy couple milkvan moments, seeing as there wont be any scenes like that. Not saying they wouldn't trick fans with simple fast shots of them side by side dispersed throughout a teaser or something, I just don't think they're going to go all out with trying to convince the audience that Mike and El are romantic in official s5 promo.

S5 is going to be a point when baiting milkvan romantically would be an odd choice if they want people to fully accept byler romantically. So, I do sense that a shift will happen as s5 gets closer and when promo really starts ramping up.

We already technically saw that with s4, where they didn't really prioritize Mike/El in official posters, like at all? We got couple posters for Netflix covers with Jopper/Lumax/Byler, while the one featuring El was her on her own? Then there's the Cali poster with Mike looking at Will, his feet pointing towards him, literally detouring in Will's direction like that meme... Them willing to be that obvious for s4 posters tells me that the s5 posters are going to be even more obvious. If you think about it, it honestly would have been weird to have no byler in s4 posters, same with no byler in s5 posters, only for them to end up together? Thus far that has not been the case tho bc s4 was unhinged as hell, and so it's likely s5 is going to be the same and then some.

That's the other thing about promo with like official posters and trailers, in that they hold a lot more weight to representing the deeper message of the story, especially when the show is complete with all five parts making it like a whole experience. The posters for every season will be highly regarded as holding the truth to what was truly going on. While I do get being frustrated that they don't post enough about it casually on social media, it's just that, tbh no ones going to be using simple social media posts as hard evidence from way back in the day at the end of all this (it's more just a fun addition to the real shit). They're going to be looking at official promotion that was very intricately planned out with easter eggs and very specific foreshadowing in mind, ie. official posters, teasers, and trailers.

When it comes to the whole love triangle thing, with byler paralleling to jancy and milkvan paralleling to stancy, I think there are a couple reasons why they themselves can't acknowledge those parallels.

While I recognize those parallels, and I do agree on a basic level it's all intentionally paralleled deliberately in certain aspects, I still don't necessarily think these love triangles are intended to be seen as identical situations. They have different stakes and completely different circumstances, beyond the most basic similarities between them in that we're also dealing with 2 sets of siblings that are quite similar in character and so no duh they parallel each other.

The main thing that I think gets overlooked is that byler is meant to be a sort of callback to all of the queer-baiting in media that has led us to this point. The only reason they made the choice to go about byler this way, was to subvert a very deep rooted expectation that a boy and boy ending up together on a mainstream show cannot happen. They are feeding this expectation to an audience that is happy to abide by this norm, which is what is going to make the surprise of the boy and boy ending up together, and the fact that this time the gays were actually right instead of wrong for the #1,239 time, just makes it all the more epic.

While they are attempting to follow that same pattern of every other show on the surface, they are hiding the truth in the details. This means that they can get away with quote--unquote 'queer-baiting' within the show itself by making it arguably obvious Mike returns Will's feelings, but because they never acknowledge that it's happening at all outside of the show blatantly, they're technically not queer-baiting.

Them not outright acknowledging the love triangle going on, outside of the subtext on the show itself, works in their favor in fandom spaces as well, where it's super easy for fans to stay in denial because of all of these different things at play, most of all ensuring they can fall back on the safety-net that queer-baiting will always be the norm. The Duffers are nurturing that assumption, while also trying as hard as they can to hint to the audience in the details how close minded that assumption truly is.

They're setting the audience up basically. Those that aren't willing to consider byler even when presented with hard evidence, wont. And those that are willing to consider byler when presented with hard evidence, will. Both sides are able to be somewhat comfortable in their assumptions, bc the side that is unwilling to consider it has history on their side, whereas the side willing to consider it knows that the evidence is too astronomical to not be entirely intentional.

That's the whole reason they did the monologue with Mike saying I love you 9 times... because it allowed that sector of the fandom to be comfortable in their assumptions based on what was being superficially told to them, despite everything being shown to them surrounding that event outright contradicting those assumptions.

It's all very, very intricate, as they are making decisions with the audience's reactions in mind.

I am glad you brought up the love triangle parallels, bc this concept was eating my brain the other day. Though, I was more so hung up on the fact that them not acknowledging those parallels also could in and of itself mean that the rules don't necessarily apply identically to these love triangles?

Arguably, fans are still going to ship Mike and El just like fans are still going to ship Nancy and Steve post s5 regardless of them not being endgame. But, is that what they want at the end of all of this? I think with Nancy and Steve the stakes are nowhere near as high as the sort of build up and tearing down of Milkvan, in that, by not at all acknowledging Will's role in these events like they do with Jonathan, they are saying that it isn't as simple as Mike just falling out of love with El like it was for Nancy with Steve, only to realize her feelings for Jonathan.

If it was that simple, they wouldn't have needed to carry out this fandom wide misinterpretation of Mike not saying I love you over the course of 2 seasons and STILL at the end of all that, have that audience completely in the dark about Will's role in that conflict, unless the truth is way more complex here than it was for Jancy/Stancy.

I mean you could obviously make the argument that from the beginning the Duffers framed Stancy very negatively, so maybe at the end of all of this, they do want to make it obvious that they never wanted us to ship either of them in the first place? HOWEVER them holding off on this concept outright with byler is why I think it would make sense for it to be this big thing, bc otherwise why save it for the last season? It would feel sort of anti-climactic if they treated it just like the other love triangle's situation bc of the confusion they have caused? This is no doubt going to be fucking breaking news to the majority. They're gonna need a recap and context of everything that was left out or intentionally kept from them, otherwise they're not going to be able to subscribe properly to what happens in s5.

And then there's a whole other layer of familial implications we're dealing with. Like with Jonathan and Steve, they don't have to deal with the complexity of being siblings like Will and El do. Will and Mike ending up together means that El and Mike will literally be ending the show in a sibling dynamic. And so, I do think it makes more sense for them to really want to separate the viewer from being able to ship Mike and El together, especially when they're already a little nervous fans will be too homophobic to accept byler as it is. This would make a lot of the familial references with Mike/El in earlier seasons hit a lot harder too, assuming rewatch value with byler endgame was on their minds.

So, I guess I will say I would agree fully with all of your points if this was an average love triangle, but that's not the case here. We're dealing with a bizarre love triangle by definition and I think there's different stakes that make their approach to this valid. When it's all said and done, it will make a lot of sense even if it doesn't right now.

Though, if i'm being completely honest, I think what plays the biggest role in their reasoning is hiatus. Like it truly comes down to the audience having almost 2+ years to ruminate over what happened in s4 and sort of work through that and drive themselves crazy.

If they had treated byler as an equal option to milkvan blatantly in casual promo for s4, while still attempting to make it seem like milkvan was endgame, it would have been dubbed queer-bait irrefutably. Or worse, most fans would have figured out byler was likely to happen, making the 2 year wait and the hype of s5 promo sort of fall flat bc everyone saw it coming.

Instead, a lot of people are fully confident it cannot and will not happen. Like they are 100% convinced. And we still have at least a year for them to work through that assumption...

Something to also keep in mind, is how they've dealt with leaks worse and worse over the years. And so a lot of these really exciting surprises they have, get discovered before they get the chance to reveal them. But bc so many people are homophobic, they can have a lot of evidence for byler and still manage to make this a surprise to those people. That's what makes this revelation so fun to them. Because it's soooo obvious in their eyes and yet most of their audience doesn't want to see it. Like that's gotta be very satisfying for them in a big way. I can't even imagine.

How I see it going down, or at least how I think it would make sense for it to go down, is while hiatus is still going strong, they want to keep both sides fairly confident, but especially milkvans side because that is eventually going to disappear at the end of all of this. The clock is ticking. When it's over it will be over forever. And so I understand why they're trying to hold onto giving those fans hope that milkvan will happen bc they only have so much longer for that to even be an assumption before the truth is eventually revealed.

And yet still, there will be a point when they want the audience to like s5 and accept it as the best ending, and that will mean that s5 promo will present a major shift in terms of them sort of agknowleding that the fans who have been paying attention know that the writers care about the details. That people who say the deatils don't matter are not going to be ready for what is to come. That is going to very likely be the wake up call to those that have been using stuff like them forgetting Will's birthday means that they forget things and therefore nothing can be that deep. It will no doubt be a punch in the gut for sure to those that have been in denial about that, but it's going to happen and it's probably going to happen within less than a year before the premiere.

6 months is another time frame that I could see them getting more brave.

3 months is when it's going to start getting real.

1 month and weeks, days before, it's going to be crunch time. They're going to be very heavily encouraging rewatching the show. They're going to be getting defensive arguably to prepare themselves for the inevitable backlash.

But they also know that it doesn't matter because at the end of the day, the truth was hiding in the details all along. It didn't come out of nowhere. It was right there. I think they feel comfort in that no matter what, bc anyone claiming it came out of nowhere at the end of all this, is gonna look stupid when the creators themselves are saying that is the opposite of the truth.

And then when s5 finally does come out, likely in 2 volumes to hold onto the hype as long as they possibly can, before it ends forever, that's when it will really set in that they're not going to hold back anymore and this is officially canon now. That's when the cast will fully agknoweldge it and talk about it and how they dealt with keeping it in the dark for so long and why felt the need to do it this way. And that's when hopefully you and all of us will get the closure we need.

The idea is that the satisfaction of being the first ones right ever in the history of mainstream television, is going to be immensely satisfying. Arguably, seeing those who vehemently denied it happening's reactions to it happening, will make all of the doubt along the way worth it.

#byler #byler endgame #st promo #st5 predictions #i feel like the shift already lowkey happened with s4 promo tbh #like almost all milkvan posts were sort of mocking them #they barely got featured on posts comparing st couples #if i'm being honest the painting bts was the official shift for me #arguably the definition of a cultural reset #s5 is really just going to be s4 on steroids #also them not allowing noah and finn to do press at all together #means they are likely saving press with them for s5 #not only do fans have to accept byler endgame #they gotta see the actors playing them praise it and show support and give their thoughts on the experience #i know it doesn't make sense now #it's also hard arguing with antis and being treated like your crazy #talked down on like 'hey frequent queerbaitee! know your place' #they treat ppl who fall for queerbait like they're the ones that are part of the problem... #they don't realize how horribly they are missing the point #the problem isn't people harmlessly shipping fictional characters #it's when they do so and then the creators feed off of that for hype and use it to promote the show despite knowing it will never happen #and then bc networks are too scared of having gay characters #*enter the bury your gays trope* #the culture has always been to get brownie points for featuring a gay character only to kill them off to appease the homophobes #that way the gays can have an oz of representation and the homophobes don't have to deal with the complexities of queerness #everyone wins right? #no... #that's the whole problem they are trying to poke fun at #they literally had mike and will bury a dead body to poke fun at how absurd this norm is #it's a love letter to a history of queer people being told their crazy for seeing things only to be right this time. it's pretty cool

[saysike-skedoodles]

EVERYBODY LIKES YOU

EVERYBODY LIKES YOU!

EVERYBODY LIKES YOU!

EVERYBODY LIKES YOU!

EVERYBODY LIKED YOU!

EVERYBODY LIED TO YOU!

---

I felt like I was never going to finish this. But I did! I got addicted to the song "Everybody Likes You" by Lemon Demon again and found myself associating the song with Bex. So what do I do when I associate a song with an OC? I draw some art based off of it obviously. Bex just can't catch a break, can she? Anyways, I still don't really know why I associate a song as sporadic and crazy as this one with Bex. Most of my reasons for when I associate songs with OCs is just "probably something they'd listen to/sing". But in this case I genuinely don't know why I think it's a "Bex song". I guess what the art here suggests is that, uh, it's relating to her trying to calm down when she is struggling to stay calm.... yeah. I've also been on a bit of an MLP high at the moment and I'm pretty sure stuff like Pinkie Pie in the episode Party of One and Twilight in Lesson Zero also indirectly inspired this. Honestly the more early 2010s and before stuff that I find that inspired TMM the more I realised this show should've just been made in the 2010s full stop HAH. I also think I'm possibly fuelling some unknown TMM creepypasta fire once I post this. I can almost see the "TMM CREEPYPASTA WHERE BEX GOES INSANE AND PULLS AN MLP CUPCAKES OOOOOOOOH SCARY OOOOOOH ISN'T THIS SCARY THAT A PLUSHIE CAT IS GOING STABBY STAB OOOOOOH-" Would be pretty funny tho not gonna lie and would add to the whole "TMM being a show from the 2010s" feel LOL. Also thanks to one of my friends that helped me out with suggesting ideas on this. This drawing actually underwent a redraw during the process cuz I didn't like how it turned out the first time so shoutout to them.

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also uhhhh I feel like I should clarify here while I still can cuz I'm a bit paranoid of stuff like this but don't take my word for gospel and start drawing a fuck ton of gorey/REALLY edgy TMM creepypasta art- honestly it would be best if you ask before hand and don't be surprised if i give a "no" answer. Just wanted to mention that since I know I joke about "OOOH TMM CREEPYPASTA OOOOH EDGY TMM FAN CONTENT" but I don't want people to just instantly assume I would be fine with it. We're just here for 2010 fun and games and to also joke about the edginess of the 2010s that I'm pretty sure we were all apart of (I'm not lying I loved the dark mlp stuff). I know TMM is a multi coloured magic animal show but let's keep the dark stuff on the down low- (i say that and the MLP infection AUs have been spreading like wildfire)

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I'm gonna shut up now I have a lot of thoughts in regards to art I make- I dunno if people even read through the entirety of my unhinged ramblings ehehhehehehwijhhwehewfiuhewfhiuehf-

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Deviantart

Tumblr

Art Tumblr

Youtube

TMM Official Tumblr

Newgrounds

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[all content I post is automatically 13+ if not stated in the title or the content itself]

#art #oc character #tmm #oc #too many misadventures #ocs #digital art #digital drawing #my art #tmm bex #too many misadventures bex #music inspiration #music inspired art

[coredrill]

as foretold, bang brave bang bravern was crazy good this week

it's just. gosh. for as much as i talk abt bravern being unhinged the fact of the matter is that it is actually SO restrained. ESPECIALLY for something in a medium that is already a little self-indulgent and referential. like for all of bravern himself's clear love for mecha there have been so few explicit references to other shows? and then this ep had so fucking many - ttgl (which - fucking hilarious to use it against a character KONISHI is voicing and then have that DD be fucking useless except for wanting to see some cool fights LSKDJFH) and flcl and symmetrical docking and rider kick and jeeg and gundam and the fuckin uhhhhhhhh exkaiser i think but i dont remember for sure its the same one that showed up in the earlier fight w superbia too. like w the other mecha on the roof framing. and probably about thirty more that i'm for sure missing or not recognizing or forgetting ON TOP OF all the obari posing and punching which have been sneaking into the visuals before this - but it was all for the purpose of having us watch this hype battle and get all excited to make the ending hit THAT much harder. and holding off the first gattai until episode NINE???? the thing we're all expecting to happen at any fucking moment, because there was no way that the souls of isami and bravern could've combined and actually resonated for a true gattai until that point????? like it's ALL in service of the story rather than wow cool robot even tho it IS a pretty damn cool robot. this show makes me feel like i did my homework and i'm acing the test AND I HAVENT EVEN WATCHED THAT MUCH MECHA TBH. LMFAO. all the "who is this show even FOR (eyeroll emoji)" comments back in like ep2 get funnier every week bc bravern knows its audience like the back of its hand and it gets clearer and clearer every week that its execution is fucking razor sharp. this show is SO SUCKING GOOD and I LOVE IT. that was supposed to say fucking good but sucking works too

the fucking NOISE superbia makes when bravern is like "don't u want to fight me when i'm EVEN STRONGER" took me the FUCK out

[gets beer sponsorship] [makes Consumption Of Food And Drink a tether point to Humanity] [out-cooks the cooking show] i'm gonna buy more kona beer (<- fucking hates beer)

fish jumpscare !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i honestly don't think i've seen any anime with a fucking ED DROP before. lmfao

lewis smith. you want so badly to be the protagonist. to be the rival. to be the one who dies to motivate the hero. to be the MECHA ITSELF. and yet you are the love interest!!! you are GOING to be saved whether you want it or not!!! you ARE rain mikamura. you ARE the heroine. Let Isami Save You. you've got a family of people who fuck with time in different and fun ways to save each other and its his turn now whether you like it or not!!!!!!!!

he rly did put that mask back on right before he died…………..subtext, cowards, so on and so forth

thanks bravern for inventing gay ppl. was surprised to get a literal love confession AND an almost-kiss here but tbh at this point i think isami could use a good old-fashioned hug more than anything else. like one of those that cracks his spine. poor baby rice cracker is goin thru it LMAO. also i keep calling isami baby rice cracker and i cannot stop myself anymore………..baby rice cracker…………

me after saying every week that this show has done something to my brain "guys i think this show has done something to my brain"

wow this post is allover the place moreso than usual. like i said earlier this ep was so fucking DENSE and GOOD that i'm gonna need some time to process All That. gosh. [bravern voice] BRAAAAAAVEEEERN!!!!!!!!!!!

#a: bravern #bravern spoilers #t.bbbb

[mykatzone]

Answering asks #1

I thought it'd be easier to answer asks in a batch! Also I am so sorry it took me so long to get to them! I've been all over the place aaa I'm sorry! Anyhow, I hope you enjoy my responses ;w;!!!

I'm embarrassed of that video honestly T_T I feel like I was being too mean in it? That's basically it! And in general I lowkey wanna remake it! So stay tuned for that :>

Of course! I would say credit isn't rly necessary for me! As long as you don't claim my art as yours, I'm chill with it! :D

Thank you so so much!!! AAA I'm always so happy when ppl tell me they enjoyed my Grelle animation ;w;!!! It's one of my fave recent creations hihi!

To answer your question- what I love most about Grelle is the concept behind her character. Like it has sm potential to be so interesting. I love fucked up women, I love fucked up LGBT characters, and she's both!! Though I would say the way her character is almost always reduced to a joke and a comic relief is annoying to me. Like I love that she's silly and goofy and flirty don't get me wrong, it's moreso the fact it feels like the show is laughing at her rather than with her :(!!

I don't rly have headcanons I dislike... well outside the man!Grelle headcanon. Like I'm sorry that removes everything i find interesting about her character! Her relationship with gender, femininity, theatrics and motherhood is some of my fave stuff about her, so making her a dude kinda makes me yawn.

Anyhow to stop myself from going off about Grelle I just wanna say thank you sm again for this sweet message!! ;W;

I own the DVD! The subtitles are only compatable with the DVD, so if you wanna watch the Stageplay you gotta get your own copy ;;!

I got annoyed with not having all my art in one place XD that's why I deleted the sketchblog! You can find some reposted sketches on here!

This is the sweetest anon omg thank you!! But I gotta ask, when you say I have your dream artstyle I wonder which one you mean? XD I feel like I change my artstyle slightly every week LOL. (I love experimenting hihi)

Thank you for the kind words tho ;w; it really means a lot!!!

Aww I'm so happy you enjoyed my modern AU designs for them!! Thank you so much :'D I'll be on the lookout for your fic btw! 👀 

And I doodled a little modern AU Cielois for you, to apologize for how long it took me to answer this ;W;! Hope you enjoy the sillies!

@porfiriea

People in my puter saying nice things makes me happy :')

Srsly tho, thank you for this sweet ask, I'm always nervous when opening my inbox so I'm really happy I got such a kind message upon reopening!

@eemoo1o That is so lovely to hear like?? The fact my animation (here it is if you haven't seen it!) inspired your drive to write more?? Omg... Thank you thank you thank you for this wondeful message!!! Even if it's been a month or so since I posted it, I love getting people's thoughts on my animations :'D!!! No matter how recent or old they are! I always appreciate it!!!

Thank you for liking my Grelle <3333 I love drawing her the most. I love drawing unhinged characters (especially unhinged women hehe), and Grelle is particularly fun because not only is she red (one of my favorite colors!!) she also has sharp teeth which are always fun to draw. In general, anime characters are fun to stylize because I have the freedom to adapt their features in my style!!! So I'm really really happy you like my Grelle :')

Here! Have a scrapped sketch frame from the animation as a thank you ;w;!

Also sorry for the slightly delayed response!!! I love doing these silly little doodles of my persona to show my appreciation for these kind messages which is why they sometimes take a little to get to! :')

(Also I really love your fanfic The Story of Grelle The Reaper!!! It's one of my favorites in the fandom!)

#📬 askbox