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pedropascallme · 1 year

Text

Crush

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: “The door opened and you turned toward it out of impulse. The man that was suddenly in front of you was Tess’s age, you guessed. Dark hair greying, sleeves of his denim button down rolled up to the elbows, face…mean. Joel Miller in the flesh.”

Warnings: Smut (18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT), age gap (reader is late 20s/early 30s, Joel is canon typical age), p in v sex, fingering, oral (m and f receiving), kinda mean!Joel, degradation, praise kink, orgasm denial/edging, I will sprinkle in queer Tess. If I missed anything please let me know!

Soundtrack: Crush by Ethel Cain

Joel had a problem with saying no.

He knew it made him seem soft, but he just couldn’t get it out. There was something about becoming a father that increased the negative connotation of the word; using it as a response meant hampering the needs of someone who trusted you. Or the wants. And it was always the wants he fell victim to. Sarah knew his weaknesses—she was his biggest one. A goldfish, extra dessert, a slumber party— “Sure, darlin’.”

Sarah was all he cared about, and he’d give her everything she ever wanted, even when it meant looking like a pushover.

But his window had passed; all will to live drained and replaced by pure survivalism. He pretended to get over it out of instinct, willing himself to push everything down in order to keep going.

He didn’t mind saying no anymore. He had nobody to say it to, anyway.

Maybe that made him a bad man.

~~~

You had befriended Tess by chance. She frequented the same spots you did—speakeasies and back allies, surrounded by men she wanted nothing to do with.

At least you had that much in common with her.

Tess was older than you by maybe twenty years, and you knew nearly nothing about her. You knew her name, you knew what she did to get the extra rations she kept in her front pocket, and you knew she lived with Joel Miller. You had never pried about their relationship, and all you knew of Joel was that he was as gorgeous as his reputation was mean.

She had the tendency to be hot headed, there was no doubt that she could be rough, although you felt her fire was what drew you to her in the first place. Another person who had lost everything obviously wasn’t inaccessible, but it helped that she was one of the few women that you had seen around. When she had thrown a punch so hard it nearly shattered her hand, you grabbed her and walked her home while she stumbled along with you.

No matter how watered down the whiskey in the QZ was, enough of it would do the trick.

“You ok?” You grabbed her by the waist, catching her before she fell, distracted by the blood on her knuckles. You didn’t know if it was hers or the man whose bottom tooth she had loosened.

“Guys here are as bad as fucking raiders…” She mumbled, looking down at her feet. “Could’a walked home myself.” You knew she could’ve, but the thought of letting her stagger home by herself so close to curfew made you uneasy.

Some things never change.

“Didn’t want you to,” You kept walking, one stride ahead of her at all times. “Could’ve been dangerous.”

“They know not to fuck with me,” she was giggling now, and she looked almost girlish with her features softened. “Living with Miller has its perks.”

“Wouldn’t want your boyfriend having to exact revenge just cause I let you walk home drunk.”

“What?” Tess stopped walking.

“Aren’t—sorry, are you and Joel not—?”

Tess snorted, “Joel and I are not an item. I don’t, y’know. He’s not my type.” She had sobered almost instantly. “I like my partners…feminine.”

Oh. Oops.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. We get it a lot. Easy living with each other cause we’re the only two that know how to empathize with the other.” She started walking again, leaving you with space to catch up. You didn’t inquire further about what she meant, it wasn’t something anybody wanted to discuss, ever. Loss and death were everywhere, there was no need to reflect on past experiences. Especially with someone like Tess who, in all honesty, intimidated you mightily. You just jogged to meet her pace.

You followed her into the building, not that you could really explain why.

She had pushed the door open and motioned to you, silently telling you to come into what once could’ve been passed off as a $3,000/month studio apartment. She dropped her belongings on the kitchen table, getting two glasses and pouring watered-down sambuca into each one. You hated the taste, but appreciated that she seemed to genuinely want to spend time with you.

“You remember anything?” She prompted after finishing her drink.

“What?” You had barely touched yours. The anise flavored booze had a different burn than whiskey.

“Before.”

“I was little. I remember seeing Attack of the Clones. And that Scooby Doo movie.”

“I was in my thirties when those came out,” she laughed, “I fucking loved Scooby Doo.” You found yourself laughing along with her. She deadpanned after a moment, examining you.

“You’re still young. Not fair to you to have seen all that as a kid.”

“I guess. But I didn’t think episode two was all that bad.” You tried to laugh through the sudden solemnity. Tess rolled her eyes and smiled, shaking her head as she reached for the bottle to refill her glass.“But it’s not fair that anybody had to see any of that. Ever.” You could hardly call yourself eloquent, but she knew what you meant.

“What are you doing here?” She took smaller sips of her drink this time.

“Same thing as you.”

“Why?”

You didn’t know. “Gotta do something.”

She nodded, “I want you with me.”

“Tess, I’m flattered—I am, but I don’t, I mean—”

“I want you to work with me.” She smiled into her glass, amused by your flustered response.

Oh. Oops.

“Oh. I...mean, ok. Yeah, ok.”

The door opened and you turned toward it out of impulse. The man that was suddenly in front of you was Tess’s age, you guessed. Dark hair greying, sleeves of his denim shirt rolled up to his elbows, face…mean.

Joel Miller in the flesh.

“Joel.” Tess was stern.

“What’s this?” Joel’s voice sent a shiver down your spine. You realized you had never spoken to him, never been spoken to by him. You’d only ever gawked from across the room. You felt yourself straighten your posture.

“Business. New teammate.” Tess took another sip from her glass.

Joel walked across the room, grabbing the liquor bottle and taking a swig from it before placing it back into a cabinet. He looked at you, giving you the up-and-down from where he stood at the counter.

“No.” He turned, walking into the bedroom.

Wide-eyed with concern and embarrassment, you looked at Tess.

“Be here at nine tomorrow. PM.” She said, finishing her drink and getting up to take her place on the couch.

You let yourself out.

~~~

It was obvious when you arrived the following night that Joel was still irked by your presence. Also obvious was that Tess had made him swallow his pride. She gave you your instructions at the kitchen table while you nodded along. Joel was statuesque and showed no signs of emotion or consideration towards her words.

And when Tess had explained that it would be you and Joel and only you and Joel, your brows furrowed and he still hadn’t budged.

“I’ve gotta be here,” she dictated, words coming out slowly as though she was speaking to children, “Don’t need all of us gone, it’d be too much attention. I’ll cover.”

“I can cover.” You blurted out, suddenly nervous about being alone with Joel.

“No.” Joel spoke for the first time all night. You shrunk back into yourself and kept listening.

“—Into the sewer, out to the east, all we need is booze, maybe some pharmaceutical shit if you can grab any.”

You probed, “Pharmaceuticals?”

“For us.” Tess had finished giving you the rundown, getting up from the table and walking into the bedroom, leaving you alone with Joel.

Saying nothing, he immediately started towards the door, leaving you to follow.

~~~

Contrary to popular belief, the sewers were not your ideal hang out. No matter how many times you went down there, it took days to scrub the feel and smell off of your body. If Joel cared about the dank surrounding, he didn’t show it.

When you popped the grate to crawl out, he moved to lift you slightly, but that was the only interaction you’d had on your journey. You wanted to get this over with, desperately wanted to be back in the company of anybody you could converse with. You made quick work of collecting what you needed and making your way back into tunnels below. Joel hadn’t said a word since he had objected to you taking watch, and you didn’t know why that bothered you so much; plenty of people didn’t speak to you, and you relished in it. You could walk around the QZ and not a soul would approach you—it was safer that way. Easier, too. But Joel’s silence made your head spin almost as much as his voice did. You kept looking at the way his biceps flexed under his shirt, the stern look on his face and the scar on his right temple.

Despite his cold exterior, you felt at ease in his presence. Sure, his domineering attitude was somewhat troubling to you, but his lack of emotions made you feel less paranoid. You weren’t as preoccupied with looking over your shoulder as you would’ve been otherwise thanks to his presence, and the gun slung over his shoulder acted as additional reassurance. If anything were to happen, you doubted he’d have any trouble dealing with it.

Maybe the smell of the sewer was making you delirious. Or maybe you were experiencing a genuine attraction to him—not that you expected a man that wouldn’t speak to you to feel any sort carnal desire for you. Even so, you found your mind wandering on the route back to the QZ; you could imagine him smoking the cigarettes your grandfather used to buy, Marlboro reds that he kept in a silver case. The thought of a cigarette hanging between Joel’s lips made you shiver, though you tried to tell yourself you were just cold from the clammy tunnels. You tried to hide the curious looks you shot at him, the way you studied his hands and thought up reasons as to why they would be so calloused. It could’ve been from the work he did now, but the thought of him pre-outbreak, working with his hands in the heat, wiping the sweat that dripped down his forehead...

You heard a clang somewhere along the route. Looking up, you could make out a shadow growing larger, then smaller. An unmistakable clicking followed.

Perhaps it was due to the unexpected encounter, or the daydreams still playing in the back of your head, but you found yourself frozen. If you could think straight, it would be embarrassing, but every noise was deafening, and you could feel your heartbeat in your skull.

And then you were on the floor. Joel’s full weight pinning you down before he rose up again and two shots rang out. You tried your best to regain your composure, blinking rapidly and staring into nothing. Joel looked down at you, face painted with his routine grimace only inches away from your own.

“This,” he breathed heavily, voice frayed, “is why I said no.”

But he waited for you to get up and brush yourself off before he kept walking.

“You’re a fuckin’ amateur.” He continued homewards.

~~~

You went with Tess after that. Nobody gave you an explanation—you didn’t need one. You had fucked up, made more apparent by the dismay painted on Joel’s face at your continued appearances in the apartment. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, let alone speak to him, maybe attempt to apologize. He didn’t want to hear it; you knew as much as he did. You couldn’t even crawl back like a guilty dog with your tail between your legs, because you knew you’d just get swatted by the morning paper. And, worse, despite the obvious friction, Joel was constantly on your mind. It was humiliating that a man who never spoke to you could be the focal point of your private moments. You thought of his hands entirely too often, his name slipping out between hushed gasps in the darkness of your bedroom.

Your breaking point was the night you walked into the apartment, opening the door to barking laughter that ceased on his end the moment you crossed the threshold. It was purposeful, the way he drew his mouth into a frown as soon as your line of sight had connected. Scowling, his eyes followed you. You felt heat rise in your face and pool in your stomach.

You scowled back. You wouldn’t endure his attitude anymore.

It went on like that for weeks. You figured that if you got under his skin he’d crack, forcing him to interact with you on a higher level—even if it was shouting at you.

Joel Miller was a bad man, a mean man. You knew as well as anybody, and it pissed you off as much as it turned you on.

~~~

You had let yourself into the apartment, flipping through an old magazine to pass the time you spent waiting for Tess.

When the door opened, your gaze met Joel’s. You turned back to skimming a story about Ewan McGregor, brows furrowed as you internally questioned what had happened to him in all this.

You started the countdown for the game you were playing: Who would break first? You glanced up once or twice to see where Joel was, and he remained in the same spot in front of the doorway, dark eyes fixed on you. You crossed your legs.

“Tess isn’t here.” He spoke, and you stopped your countdown, congratulating yourself as tonight’s winner.

“I know.”

“She’s not coming.”

“I’m reading.” You turned the page, eager to read about who was dating who in August of 2000.

Joel stayed in his spot by the door before making his way to the liquor cabinet—which you had discovered were most of the cabinets in this house. He put a glass in front of you and sat across, a glass of his own in his hand as he leaned forward to put his weight on the table.

“Jared Leto and Cameron Diaz.” You mused. Joel tipped back his glass, glaring at you. “Do you ever wonder if any of these people are still out there somewhere?”

“No.”

“Imagine killing some infected schmuck and realizing it was Ryan Gosling.” You smiled, enjoying your one-sided conversation. “I’d feel kinda bad…”

“’Least you’d be puttin’ him out of his misery.”

You looked up, surveying Joel, trying to find a trace of anything that could’ve prompted his sudden embrace of your goading. “Uhuh,” you raised an eyebrow, “just don’t think I could do it.”

“You scared?”

“Of you?”

“Of surviving.”

“No. Just of an infected Ryan Gosling.” You put down the magazine. “What’s your problem, Miller?”

“What’s yours?”

“I don’t have a problem.”

“Then neither do I.” He got up to refill his glass, and you had déjà vu, recalling how Tess had sat you down at the table months earlier to invite you into their professional lives. She had been much friendlier even then than Joel ever was.

“You can’t fight for shit.” You turned to see Joel leaning against the counter, a bottle of whiskey in hand. You tried not to let your frustration at him show. “Hard to get good at this shit when you freeze at the first sign of trouble.”

“Shut up.” You brushed him off. You picked up the magazine again, trying to find your place.

“You know I’m right.” He drank from the bottle. For some reason you couldn’t stop yourself from standing up and facing him.

“What?”

“Y’know you can’t fight for shit. Couldn’t to save your own life. You know that. I know that. Why’d’ya think Tess always goes with you?” He put the bottle down and crossed his arms. Wrath boiled in your chest; you wanted to rationalize, tell yourself that he was mad you were winning the game he made you start playing so he opted to hit below the belt; but, Jesus, he had gotten you where it hurt. You had long prided yourself in having the ability to survive, taking care of yourself and doing whatever it took for you to see the next day. For him to waltz into the space you had found some form of comfort in, where Tess drank with and felt for you, to imply that you were a failure—just some fucking kid with a knife?

You put as much weight behind the punch you threw towards him as you could muster, aiming at for his face in the hopes that a black eye might help him register your dedication to staying alive. He barely moved, grabbing your wrist to stop any real strength your blow might’ve had.

“You can do better.” Joel provoked you further. You were breathing hard but not heavy, staring into the eyes of the man you wished you could see for the evil everybody said he was. “Do better.” He continued. You grabbed him by the collar, nose to nose; you could smell the liquor on his breath, and you were sure he could smell it on yours. You were far from drunk, and the seething anger sobered you more than a cold shower ever could.

So you had no excuse for kissing him, which is probably why it was a quick peck, testing the waters and feeling as though you owed it to yourself as much as to him to see if this was one-sided.

“That’s better.” He snaked an arm around your waist and cupped the opposite hand over the back of your head. You didn’t say a word, barely breathed at his response, before you attached yourself to him again. You forgot all about testing the waters and immediately dove in; you kissed him with an open mouth, tongue, teeth and all. He licked into you, pulling you in closer. He separated from you to speak.

“Bed.” Forever and always a man of few words. You stumbled over each other as he pulled you towards the bedroom, neither of you bothering to say anything else as you were pushed onto the bed. Joel straddled your chest, looking down at you and undoing his belt, brown eyes blown out with complete exasperation and lust.

“Y’been botherin’ me since day one,” he pulled his cock from the confines of his jeans, “bad fuckin’ attitude.” He stroked himself, still looking at you.

“Doesn’t seem to be bothering you now.” You taunted him, reaching up to wrap both hands around him and sitting up as best you could to lick across the tip of his cock. He pushed his hips forward and you took the initiative to swallow as much of him as you could; no small feat, considering his size. You managed half before you gagged. He just laughed.

“Gonna be quiet ‘round me, might as well put yourself to good use while you’re doin’ it.” He threw his head back as you licked circles over the head of his cock, hand working every inch you couldn’t push past your gag reflex. You made a noise in response to his words, though it was unclear if you meant it as an agreement or a rebuttal. You pulled yourself off of him, placing a kiss on the vein that ran up the underside of his cock. You looked up at Joel, content with your work, his breathing heavy. His hand came up to your jaw, prying your mouth open and sliding his thumb inside. You closed your lips around it and sucked, you heard him groan. He took his thumb out after a few more seconds.

“Open.” He placed his wet thumb on your chin. You opened wide, sticking out your tongue slightly, expecting him to give you his cock again. Instead, he spit directly into your mouth, before pressing on your lower jaw to force it closed. “Swallow.” You did as you were told. He shuffled himself further down your body, leaning down to kiss you, pushing his tongue between your lips before he continued moving downwards; he pulled the buttons of your flannel apart, kissing and sucking on the skin he revealed before licking over the burgeoning bruises. You thanked whatever God was out there that you had given up bras so long ago, as if it was all in anticipation of this moment. Joel’s mouth reached the waistband of your jeans, and he continued placing open mouthed kisses over your stomach as he undid your button and fly, pulling the fabric down your legs and revealing your panties. He bent forward into you, pressing his face into your clothed core, his nose and open mouth fanning hot breath across you.

“Need a good lay.” You weren’t sure if he was talking about you or himself, though he answered your silent question soon after; “That’ll keep you from bitchin’ over everythin’.” He licked a straight line over your folds, tasting the tangy wet that seeped through the fabric of your underwear. You let out a shrill whine when his tongue danced over your clit, and reached down to shed yourself of the final layer of clothing that covered your bottom half. He caught your wrist and pushed it aside. “No,” He looked up at you as he licked over you again, “been playin’ your fuckin’ game for weeks. S’my turn. Don’t get greedy, now.”

You moaned when he released your wrist from his grasp, only to begin rubbing circles over you. “Pl—ease, Joel!” You arched your back, lifting yourself up to him in an attempt to gain more friction.

“Say it again.”

“Please,” it was barely audible, “please, Joel. Please, please…” Your eyes were hooded as you begged for more. Either he was satisfied by your attempt or took pity on you for coming undone over practically nothing, but he slid the panties down your thighs and threw them over his shoulder. He admired your naked cunt, ghosting a finger over your slit and collecting what you’d already released. He leaned back down and attached his lips to your clit, pushing his finger into you and bending it upwards. You gasped, grabbing a fistful of his hair and tugging, earning a satisfied grunt from him. He rhythmically sucked your clit in time with the movements of his finger, adding another slowly and then increasing the pace. Over and over, he brushed the spongey spot inside of you that made you clench around him, tugging his hair tighter.

“Go—ing to, Joel, fuck! Joel—!” You were panting, fist gripping his hair.

“No.”

“Please!” You were trembling.

“No.” He was unforgiving, absolutely ruthless as he fucked his fingers into you faster, licking tight and fast over your clit. You were close to tears now, grabbing onto the pillow underneath you to stabilize yourself. You were sweating, and he was the one doing all the work, but, Christ, it took effort to hold off on cumming when he was knuckle deep in your pussy like that.

“Now.” He said, pushing up against the spot you needed him to touch most, sucking hard on your swollen clit. You all but yelled, body turning to jelly, your eyes screwed tight—all while Joel continued his ministrations. He stared at you open mouthed as you trembled. He slowed once you stopped shaking, sliding his fingers out of you and licking them clean.

“Still gonna act like a bitch now?” He peppered kisses over your thighs.

“F…fuck y—ou, Joel Miller.” You wheezed out. He laughed, standing up to remove his shirt and trousers.

“’F’I’d known you wanted it I’d’ve done it a month ago.” He crawled over you, pressing kisses into your neck.

“Fuck you.” You finally caught your breath, and he pushed himself up enough to meet you face to face. “You’re a bad person. Everybody in the QZ knows you’re a bad man.”

“Then why are you in my bed?” He was half sincere.

“You tell me.”

“Can see the way you look at me. Terrible at keepin’ secrets. ‘Nother reason you need someone to protect you out there.” He scoffed, and you pulled him down for a kiss. Though bruising in force, you were gentler with each other. Neither of you felt inclined to use teeth this time around.

Joel pushed himself up and onto his knees, sliding his cock over your clit and pushing his tip into you slightly. You whimpered, trying to wordlessly urge him to sink into you.

“Ask me.”

“Please.”

“More.”

“Please, Joel, need it…”

“Need what, sweet thing?” You closed your eyes, savoring the nickname as it rolled off his tongue.

“Need your cock. Joel, please, I need you to fu—” He cut you off with one sharp thrust, pushing his full length into you and bottoming out. You felt your eyes roll back in your head, and Joel brought a hand down to rest on the side of your face.

“Atta girl,” his mouth hung open as he began shallowly thrusting into you, “take it all, darlin’.”

You whined, hands scrambling to touch him wherever you could reach; his shoulders, his chest, his thigh if you stretched down a bit further. It only spurred him on.

“Fuckin’ pathetic.” He pushed his hips into yours, attempting to get even deeper inside of your warm, inviting pussy. “Been such a bitch with me ‘nd now you’re so eager, huh? Li’l slut, needed t’get fucked s’all?” All you could do was let out a wonton moan, loving how he stretched you. “Gonna be nice from now on?” You couldn’t respond, could only think the word no as he sped up, sliding all the way out and all the way back into your cunt. “Answer me, girl.”

“F—uck, n—no!” You stammered.

He brought a hand down harsh on your clit, pulling out so just the tip of his cock was seated shallowly inside of you. You squeezed around it. “Don’t be a bitch,” he spanked your pussy again, “tell me the truth.”

Tears pricked your eyes in frustration, and you nodded your head yes.

“Words.”

“Yes! I’ll be good, I’ll be so good, wo—won’t give you attitude, Joel, I—I won’t be such a bitch, I pr—omise.”

“I like you a li’l bitchy,” he slid his cock back into you, resuming the punishing pace, punching up into you. “Like my pretty li’l bitch. Like this tight fuckin’ pussy.” He flattened himself on top of you, chest pressing into yours with every breath he took and every rough shove of his cock against your cervix. The slight pain was worth the abounding pleasure. He reached under your midriff, sliding his hands between the flannel you still half-wore to meet your skin, wrapping his arms around you and pressing you into him further. You wrapped your own arms around his waist, completely lost in him.

“Y’needed this as much as I did,” he groaned into your ear, “tell me, sweet thing.”

“Needed—oh, fuck, I needed it.” You whispered against the skin of his shoulder. He managed to reach a hand down between you, fingers finding your clit. You buried your face into him, suddenly very aware of what was happening; your daydreams coming to fruition, winning the game in a manner leagues above what you had hoped for. The attention was staggering. The tears you had held back during his earlier taunting escaped, spilling over your cheeks and smudging into the sweat on Joel’s skin. It was overwhelming in the best way. Anxiety inducing in the worst.

“So good, being so—so fuckin’ good, darlin’.” He was getting sloppy with his thrusts, rhythm failing as he neared his own high. He pulled away from you, shifting positions to hold you so that you could be face to face. You couldn’t count how many times today you had found yourself staring at Joel Miller. “You’re so good.” A fully earnest sentiment, punctuated by every inch of his cock. “Want you to cum, need you to cum for me again.” He was practically begging, words coming out in moaned whispers. He kissed the tear streaks over your cheek and down to your lips, the wiry hair of his short mustache rubbing against your top lip in a manner that made your skin instantly sore, but it felt too good to be connected to him like this to complain at all. He continued his movements, fingers running over your clit at a heightened pace and cock throbbing inside of you. You squeezed around his cock, arms squeezing his torso, and you felt yourself coming undone.

“There you go. Feel you fuckin’ squeezin’ me. Gimme one more, sweetheart.” You were pushed over the edge, once again cumming for Joel Miller in a way you had only ever imagined. He held you tight, letting you wrap yourself around him while you came, whispering his name and tangling your fingers in his hair. He managed a few more deep thrusts before pulling out and spilling across your stomach, chanting your name. Your breathing was labored, and Joel admired how he had painted you with his spend.

He stood up, walking out of the room, and you felt the urge to cry again, feeling suddenly abandoned after something so new and intimate. But he walked back in with a threadbare towel, wiping down your stomach and the wet between your thighs. You were both silent as he finished cleaning you up. He exited once more to rid himself of the towel before reuniting with you in bed. He lay beside you for a moment before turning to hold you. You turned to face him.

“It’s a shame you wiped me clean. Wanted a taste.” You failed to keep your tone even and unbothered, the crack in your voice apparent as you tried your hand at humor.

“Next time.” You looked up to find him staring at you once again. His usual scowl replaced by something softer. You fell back into a semi-comfortable silence.

“I am a bad man.” He spread his fingers out between your shoulder blades.

“Joel—”

“I am,” the words came out harsher than he had meant them to, “I’ve done bad shit just to get by. It’s fuckin’ embarrassin’ to kill someone just to see another day of this. Bad’s an understatement.” He took a deep, shaky breath. “I’m hard on you cause I don’t want you gettin’ hurt. Don’t wanna be out with you if somethin’ happens. Don’t wanna be away from you if somethin’ happens. Wouldn’t be able to—”

“I can take care of myself.”

“I know. S’fuckin’ awful. Shouldn’t have’ta fend for yourself.” He swallowed.

“Have to to survive, Joel. Made it this far.”

“No,” he countered, “shouldn’t have to survive. You should be livin’. Shouldn’t need’a run with a crowd like me ‘nd Tess.”

“Don’t you think we’re a little past that? I’d be doin’ the same thing even if I didn’t have you two to do it with.”

“I’ve seen how you freeze up.”

“I knew you’d be there.” You nearly snapped, astonished that after all this he was still hung up over the first run you did with him, despite the effortless shots he had taken. Even more astonished that he hadn’t realized that despite the external bitterness he had fashioned and the constant stream of “no” that left his mouth, you knew even then that he’d keep you protected. He looked away from you, and you nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck, trying to show him that for all your bite you were capable of being docile when the moment called for it.

“Shouldn’t wanna hang around bad people.” Joel’s eyes looked into the nothing of the distance as he muttered. “Shouldn’t have to risk everything just to do bad things.”

“Good men die, too, Joel,” You were firm, “I wanna be…” You trailed off. He looked back to you and traced a finger over your collar bone, admiring the marks that had formed from his kisses. “Wanna be around you. With you.” You saw a faint smile creep across his face.

“Not a good man?”

You scoffed, “Never a good man. Wouldn’t know how to handle me.” He laughed softly. You allowed his hands to roam over your body while you mirrored his movements, tracing your fingers over the scars that littered his chest. “Come with me on the next run.” You weren’t asking.

For the first time in 20-odd years, Joel was unable to say no.

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imabeautifulbutterfly · 2 months

Note

Ok, this is so fun! Congrats again!

I'll pick...Hunter (shocked, I'm sure.)

How about: "I don't think I've ever seen you smile" and "Oh, don't be cute"/"Wait, did you just say that I'm cute?"

Thanks!!

Carol (@clonethirstingisreal)

Thank you @clonethirstingisreal - I hope you love this Carol, it actually brought a smile to my face as I was writing it.

Enjoy, love oo.

One Meal

Warnings: knife flipping, allusions to loss, slight angst, fluff. I think that's it, if I miss any please let me know.

Main Master List | Star Wars Fic Roulette

Hunter flicked his knife back and forth in between his fingers, as he contemplated the next mission. Things were … different, since you joined. Not good or bad … just different. It been about six months, and yes, the Marauder was cleaner and didn’t have that lingering smell anymore, and yes, the meals had gotten better too, because you refused to just eat the ration bars the GAR provided. And … okay, it was nice to see your smiling face in the morning, compared to the miserable faces of his brothers.

Yet, he still felt awkward around you. He wanted to laugh with you, like you could so easily with Wrecker, to have deep discussion, like you could with Tech, even philosophical discussions like you did with Echo. Hell, he’d be happy if he could just do target practice with you, like you did with Crosshair, but … every time he opened his mouth, he was curt, short tempered, and on edge.

It wasn’t even your fault, it was just him.

He stood from his seat, heading down the ramp and taking in a breath of fresh air. You were cooking dinner, doing your best to teach Wrecker that just because salt tasted good, didn’t mean he had to put in a whole table spoon full.

It made him laugh a little as you tried to explain in your most patient voice possible, that you’d fix the dinner and Wrecker could go help Tech or Crosshair with something else. It was your polite way of saying ‘go away.’

Hunter tried but he couldn’t stop the smile on his lips, as he walked over to you.

"I don't think I've ever seen you smile" you pointed out as he walked up to you. “What’s got you so happy?”

“Oh, I just saw how you were very tactful with Wrecker. It was funny.”

You shrugged trying to fight back your own laughter as you tried to fix the stew, by adding more water, “He tried. I’m grateful he’s willing to learn.”

“Need help? I’m not completely inept when it comes to cooking.”

You looked a little surprised when he asked, not that his offering to help was a real shock, it was the fact you realized this was the first time you two had a proper conversation. “Um … yeah, if you don’t mind using your handy dandy knife there, that you like flipping around so much, to cut up some of these veggies so I can add them, that’d be great.”

Hunter chuckled at your description, as he nodded, taking a seat and getting to work, “Where did you learn to cook?” He asked, hoping to get to know you a little better.

“My mom and grandmother. They were adamant that I learn how to feed an army if I ever needed to …” you chuckled, “I had a big family, back home. Usually there would be around twenty of us for dinner.”

“Twenty? Did you have a lot of siblings?”

“No. It was just me. But I had uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, neighbours, anyone and everyone who needed a meal could always come to our place for dinner. We never turned away anyone in need of a good meal.”

“Sounds nice.”

“It was …” a sadness passed your face, as you thought back to what had once been your home, until the Separatist droid army showed up, and destroyed everything you had held so dear.

Hunter saw your smile slip, it pained him to see that you had been through so much, although he hadn’t heard about it directly from you, he did overhear what had happened when you were talking with Tech. “Well we appreciate all your efforts, especially when you’re trying to teach us neanderthals how to cook.”

You giggled a little, pushing away the sad thoughts that had encapsulated your mind for a split second, “You’re not neanderthals.”

“We’re not exactly proper either. Couldn’t say, we’re exactly suited for a posh dinner.”

You shook your head as you laughed, “You don’t need to be suited for a posh dinner, you just need to show up to eat.” You smiled as you turned to look at him, smirking as you saw how perfectly he cut each vegetable.

You walked over and grabbed the tray of veggies, and dropped them into the stew, “Thanks for your help.”

“Of course. Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure”

“Why do you take care of us? I mean granted the Marauder smells a lot better, and the meals you cook are much better than the GAR rations, but … why do you do it?”

You stirred the stew as you contemplated the question, “I guess … because you feel like family to me.” You turned to look at him, truthfully, he was the only one that you didn’t think of as family, you wanted something more with him, something special, but seeing as this was the first time you two actually talked, it might be a bit far-fetched to imagine that could possibly happen. “And, I love seeing how my food makes you guys happy. Wrecker, has the biggest smile on his face, whenever he eats when I cook. Tech has this adorable blush, although he’ll never admit how much he enjoys my cooking. And Crosshair … well he always comes back for seconds; and frankly, between you and me, he needs to eat more. He’s too skinny. I could break off his collarbone if I needed.”

“I enjoy it too,” Hunter clarified as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, “I might not say it, but I always look forward to your cooking.” He blushed and turned his head away, not wanting you to see how much of an effect you had on him, and not just because of your cooking.

You laughed at his reaction, "Oh, don't be cute” you teased, “I might have to walk over there and pinch your cheeks.”

Hunter started to laugh, when he realized what you said, “Wait, did you just say that I'm cute?"

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modanisgf · 2 months

Text

13. I NEED U (WRITTEN)

"yunjin?" you called out to the girl infront of you, the sight of her body tensing up hurting a lot more than it should've.

yunjin turned around to meet your gaze, "hi?"

"can we talk?" you ask, maintaining eye contact with her.

"sure but this better be worth it." yunjin says, to which you nod.

"i promise." you say firmly, making yunjin feel a bit at ease. you didn't need to know but she missed the sound of your voice, it calmed her.

shortly after they both made it outside to the soccer field, y/n taking a seat on the bleachers first ushering yunjin to sit next to her.

‘really?’ was all yunjin could think, y/n brought her to the soccer field?

“sorry, it’s just easier for me to think here it makes me feel at ease.” y/n says nervously.

‘oh.’

“i wanna apologize for what i said the other day, i wasn’t thinking and what i said was stupid. i hope you know i didn’t mean it at all, i just was on edge.” y/n starts, pausing briefly to take a breath.

“why?” yunjin says.

“huh?”

“why was that on your mind while we were talking about us?” yunjin says, her eyes stuck on the girl in front of her.

“i don’t know really, i guess i just don’t expect my relationships to last.” y/n shrugs.

“after heeseung?” yunjin asks.

“it wasn’t specifically him, i just don’t typically attract the right people y’know.” y/n starts, her hand moving closer to yunjins.

“except you.” y/n says looking straight into yunjin’s eyes again, making the blonde blush.

“i thank the universe everyday for giving me you.” y/n says, smiling.

yunjin laughs, “how do you go from fucking up horribly to saying some of the sweetest words ever to me?”

y/n looks away in embarrassment, “i planned it out this time.” she mumbles.

“you what?” yunjin teases her, she definitely heard y/n just wanted to mess with her.

“i wrote it out last night before i went to bed, i wanted to make it perfect for you.” y/n says, yunjin giggling.

“you’re cute, did you write that too?” yunjin asks, smiling harder at y/n’s red face.

“ok enough,” y/n groans, “are we okay?”.

“of course, i missed you so much… i even dyed my hair to get your attention.” yunjin admits, mumbling the last bit.

“really?” y/n says, her eyes brightened in awe.

“i think you look really pretty.” she praises, making yunjin stand up immediately.

“the bells about to ring.” she says changing the topic, obviously flustered at y/n’s comment. she didn’t think she would like her new hair this much.

“we’ll talk more later?” y/n asks, grabbing her bag laying beside her on the bleachers.

“yeah, we do have one more thing to discuss.” yunjin says giving y/n a small smile.

“see you later.” y/n says, her eyes locked on yunjin’s lips. she wanted to kiss her so bad.

fortunately for y/n, as she was zoned out yunjin placed a quick peck on her cheek running off almost immediately after.

“bye!” yunjin said, disappearing in mere seconds.

y/n just sat there for a moment, not feeling like what had just happened was real. her hand resting on her cheek.

y/n felt complete almost, her relationships were nearly all rebuilt.

but she had one more thing to do, ask yunjin to be her girlfriend.

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icallhimjoey · 9 months

Note

I’m actually on the edge of my seat waiting for some intense mlem mleming from Joe 😩 there’s no way he’d build it up this much just to be as shit as the rest.

Joe babe we’re all rooting for you ✨

ok sluts, you ready? obvious content warning for smut! if you're a minor i want you to go tell your parents about the blogs that you follow, and QUICK, before i call the coppers. all right, here we go! Wordcount: 3.7K

---

Double Or Nothing

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

“There she is!”

A full table of people turned when one of your friends saw you enter the pub. Hands raised, some with and some without glasses, to catch your attention – like you weren’t always vaguely in the same spot of this place.

You smiled and rushed over when you saw Izzy holding up a full pint – yours.

“We’ve been waiting!” someone revealed, and Izzy gave you an eyebrow raise as she handed you the drink after you pulled up a chair. You knew what she meant and it was clear what the topic of discussion had been thus far.

You found Joe's eyes, and, ugh. Great. They twinkled with trouble.

Joe was sat at the other side of the table and leant back in his chair, sort of not participating in the conversation even though, you know, it was about him. He just knew all the information already and by the looks of things hadn’t revealed anything just yet.

“Is this man as irresistible as the magazines say he is?”

“Magazines? What are the magazines saying?”

“You know what I mean,”

“Clearly, we all know that magazines would be wrong regardless of who’s won this bet,”

Your friends laughed, and Joe gave them the finger as he sipped his drink, completely unbothered. Unlike you. Joe watched as you fought for a neutral expression, still leant back, all relaxed which should’ve told your friends plenty.

Maybe he’d been secretive in the braggy sense, had just given looks when they’d asked about who’d won. A smug “of course I did” face whilst saying, “I don’t know, she’ll have to tell you herself.”.

Izzy also seemed to bow out of the chat. Didn’t seem all that interested, even though she smiled knowingly. You’d already told her that he won. She had seen you glare at him on Thursday morning, had felt the tension in the room when you’d left for work late.

Izzy casually asked you if your top was new, which, it wasn’t, and for three seconds you fell into a best friend conversation about clothes. Your other friends were quick to break that up.

“Come on!”

“We want the results!”

You laughed at the impatience, and then cleared your throat.

“Yea… he um, he got me. I lost.”

A friend slapped the table with a flat hand, said, “I knew it!” and another added, “Just like the rest of us, not good enough,” whilst he grabbed Joe by the shoulder and shook him a little, making him laugh.

“Wait, so no head?” someone asked, sort of shocked.

“No head,” you confirmed, smiling.

You didn’t know if relief or disappointment took the overhand on that one. Outwardly, relief showed itself more, you thought. Which was good, you didn’t need your friends knowing that you wouldn’t kick Joe out of the bed if that was the reason he was there.

People asked what the ick had been, and you listed of eight or nine things that had annoyed you. Things Joe had done after which he immediately asked if that had been it. You’d never confirmed it then, but now, you got to use all of those things. Made all of your friends laugh, point at Joe, yell, “He does do that!”, “Yea, you do do that.”

Joe took the scrutiny like a champ and just said, “She lost the bet, full week of favours. But, please, keep going,” and so you did. Mentioned how he had changed his hair after years of having it the same, just because he was famous now. How he would use his friends as personal assistants when he took them on trips for work. How he used his industry signature for the card that came with the flowers he sent, instead of just signing his own name with all the actual letters like a normal person.

It was so easy to come up with icks, because there were so many. You mentioned fourteen, maybe fifteen of them.

You noticed Izzy was eyeing you a little weird, and it made you feel uncomfortable. Made you feel like you wanted to escape the table for a second, to let you friends fall into a different topic of conversation before you joined them again. So you did, excused yourself, and went to the toilets just to look at yourself in the mirror for a second. Check your hair and the inner corners of your eyes for mascara goop.

The second you’d walked out of earshot Izzy leant back in her seat and craned her neck to catch Joe’s attention behind two of your friends’ backs.

“She’s lying.” Izzy said to Joe, who smirked a little and nodded. Said, “I know.”

And that was that.

When you returned, you were glad to find that the conversation had moved onto another topic, and you found yourself trying to not make eye contact with Joe for the rest of the night.

He was there, though, in the corner of your eye. And sometimes, you’d laugh when he’d laugh and you’d catch that you were both laughing at the same thing, but the bet wasn’t mentioned again. Not until Joe got up to go home, said his goodbyes, and then looked at you, pointed a finger and said, “See you on Monday.”

You’d had a few, so you felt boisterous enough to say, “Beware, Quinn. Skip a day, lose a favour.”

And he’d raised his eyebrows, went, “Oh that’s how it is, is it?” and you’d just smiled. Said, “Bye Joe,” again, to which he replied, “Yea, no, I’ll remember that.”. You’d scrunched faces at each other for a second, and you’d heard one of your friends clear their throat. Snapped Joe right out of it.

After that, he’d really left. Not soon after, you and Izzy had headed home as well.

That following Monday, you’d been waiting for a text message from Joe. Or a phone call. But most of the day passed without Joe reaching out, and the nerves of what it could be that Joe was going to make you do kind of fizzled. Monday had just been a regular normal Monday, and you almost thought Joe’d forgotten about the week of favours. You definitely weren’t going to remind him – the rule “Skip a day lose a favour,” really worked to your advantage here. You were a little sad Izzy was out for some work thing that night – you would’ve loved to make fun of Joe for forgetting the bet he’d made such a big deal out of with her.

But then, after you’d showered and installed yourself on your sofa in fuzzy socks and a T-shirt you thought once belonged to your dad it was so huge, your phone chimed.

“are you home?”

Fuck. So close.

“Bit late mate”

It was nearly 9. Three more hours and he would’ve fumbled the bag.

“are you home”

You hesitated. Receiving the exact same message again didn’t feel funny. It felt... urgent. No play.

“yes”

And so, you didn’t play. Just let him know that, yes, you were.

“Izzy?”

“no”

Not much later, the doorbell rang. You paused Netflix and checked to see if the T-shirt covered enough of your legs for it to not be weird. You decided that it did and opened the door to find Joe, on his own, already making his way inside.

“For my first favour,” he didn’t even say hi. Just barged in and lost his coat whilst he walked right past you in the direction of your bedroom. “You’re going to have to admit that you didn’t lose,” Joe looked over his shoulder at you, before turning his head and finding the light switch of your room.

Your bed got a glance from him now that it was visible in the light before Joe turned around again. You were still stood there with handle to your front door in hand.

“Um... hi,” you said sarcastically, and it made Joe wave a hand, dismissing the fact that you wanted normal civil people manners. It might’ve been just you and him, but a hello would’ve been nice.

But, you see, Joe was on a mission here. Ready to get his first favour from you. To get it, he needed you in the bedroom however, and after a short stare down the hall, he beckoned you with his head. A little nod that said, come here.

“I’ve not been thinking about this for a full week only for you to decide you could just stop the bet,”

“I didn’t–” you started making your way down.

“We both know,” Joe interrupted, closed his eyes and tilted his head a little, brow furrowed, looking a little annoyed. “We both know I didn’t give you the ick.”.

You blinked at him a few times, bodies already too close now that you were both half in your doorway, no real room left for personal space.

“I didn’t turn you off. Not like that, anyway,”

Joe used the muscles of his chin to push his lips into a thin line and gave a slight nod. It said, admit it, you know I’m right, and it made you scoff.

“Joe, I lost, you made me lose. S’your own fault.”

Those were words chosen carefully and purposefully. You couldn’t get yourself to say that Joe had won, because you knew he didn’t exactly feel like a winner here. You knew how he’d smack that right into your face if you were to tell him that he’d won.

“All right, so you lost,” Joe shrugged in sarcastic acceptance, arms out wide. “So I get my week of favours, and this is the first favour: tell me you didn’t lose.”

“That’s not fair– that…” you searched Joes eyes a second, gaging how serious he was being. If you’d truly pissed him off, if he really was going to keep pushing this without bursting into laughter at the height of the joke.

Joe didn’t say anything, and his expression didn’t falter.

Oh, he was serious serious, and you swallowed the volume of voice you were going to finish that sentence with. Turned it into a whisper because that’s all your throat seemed to be able to manage.

“That doesn’t count,”

You knew exactly what he was here for. Had known from the second Joe beelined it to your bedroom upon entering your flat. Your breath held itself locked tight in your chest, hiding there in anticipation. You could see the clear path ahead but didn’t fully trust yourself – what if you were wrong? This was Joe – your flirty friend who knew where the line was and who never really crossed it.

Was he about to cross it?

You felt tension building. Thickening.

Joe was stood in your bedroom and held you close by an elbow of which the hand rested on his chest. You put it there to give yourself the option to push him away, out of your personal space, but instead, you saw how your fingers softly rubbed at the fabric. Soft, and warm underneath. Joe’s head was tilted down, just like yours, and you could feel the heat of his breath on your temple.

“Say you won the bet,” Joe whispered, and the way your body immediately leant in closer to him was awful. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out but a small sigh. It sounded more annoyed than anything else.

You weren’t going to say it. Joe didn’t deserve that satisfaction. What you did do, was look behind you to find the light switch to slap. It wasn’t exactly what Joe had asked of you, but turning the lights off sent a clear, silent message. It made Joe place a careful hand to your stomach, to push back a little, to guide you towards your bed. He barely had to touch you for you to lay down on top of the covers on your back.

This was so weird.

There was no kissing. No lips moving across each other, across jawlines or necks. It was just you, on top of your bed in an oversized sleep T-shirt and lace underwear that had been hidden from Joe until now.

Joe let his hips hook over the edge of the bed and used his fingertips to glide over the flesh of your thighs.

Yea, Joe was about to cross the line. Had crossed the line, already, if you really thought about it. Several lines, too.

“You understand that I’m not going to do anything you don’t want,” Joe meant, I won’t force you. That wasn’t the kind of man he was, and that wasn’t how he wanted this to go down, obviously.

Joe stopped his hands, paused, and you saw his eyes try to lock onto yours in the dark.

“I’m not saying no, am I?” you replied, tugging on your T-shirt a little on your sides, making sure that Joe wasn’t getting an eyeful of flesh that he didn’t need. It was dark, but, still.

Your answer wasn’t good enough, though, and the insecure pulling down of fabric Joe just witnessed didn’t help.

“So, is that a yes?”

Bastard.

You were trying so hard to hold onto your pride, the fact that your loss meant that Joe wasn’t irresistible to you. You one, really didn’t want to inflate his ego like that and two, didn’t know how to handle the fact that you were absolutely lying to yourself.

Because Joe was right.

But, how fucked up was that? It was far easier to pretend he wasn’t.

It also felt safer not admitting that you wanted this. Sure, a week ago, you’d agreed to a bet of which you knew what the consequences would be. But it had all been jokes, sort of, and you’d been surrounded by people, by all of your friends. It hadn’t been intimate like this.

Having your wants be out there? For everyone to witness? Big nope.

You wanted to keep those wants inside, where you knew where they were. Where you could keep an eye on them as they sulked in a corner, where you could cage them up and where they could only affect you if you got close to them on your own terms. In your own time. Like, when you were alone, in the shower, or late at night in bed.

You know, how normal people dealt with these sort of things.

If those wants were to slip outside of that space, if you spoke them into existence outside of yourself, they would become unpredictable and you'd lose control of them. Couldn't have that happen, of course.

“Hey,”

A soft whisper pulled you from your thoughts, and you looked down to where Joe was still positioned between your legs. You were still in your underwear, and in the dark that your eyes had started to adjust to, you could see Joe’s knitted eyebrows, worry lines on show. He planted his chin just onto the side of your pubic bone, scratching the cheap lace of your underwear into your skin.

“Let me in,”

And piss right off, you’d never thought of inviting Joe in. That way, thoughts didn’t have to leave your brain at all. They could stay right where they were, safely tucked away in their own labeled boxes, and you could give Joe a grand tour of the place. Make him take his shoes off before he entered, and tell him that you look with your eyes, not with your hands, like he was a child in a sweet shop.

Yea.

You could let Joe in, and so you told him. You just hadn’t anticipated the constricted way it came out of your mouth, throat all tense and hoarse.

“Yea,”

Joe’s expression smoothed into a small smile, and his fingers curled around your underwear on your hips.

“Yea?”

He moved one side down a little, waited for you to confirm again, and this time, he accepted the quick little nod you gave. Pulled your knickers off entirely, and when they passed your socks, he took those off too. Good. Would’ve been silly to get eaten out whilst wearing lilac fuzzy socks.

Even though you technically knew that Joe was about to plummet right into you with his mouth wide open, you were still glad the lights had been turned off. Joe didn’t need to actually see you.

Before you felt anything else, you decided you also didn’t need to see Joe, and so you chose a spot on the ceiling, near your light, that you could stare at. Good. That felt safe.

You know what – closing your eyes was even better.

You felt Joe’s breath, followed by soft kisses nowhere near where you wanted him, but it made heat erupt in your cheeks anyway.

This was happening.

Fuck.

This was actually happening.

“Is this okay?” Joe asked in a whisper, and you felt how he used his fingers to get better access.

“Yea, no,” Jesus, that was breathy. “That's– that's fine.”

More soft kisses, placed in better spots now, but it wasn't until the wet heat of his tongue hit you that you inhaled sharply. Right on the money. Good boy.

Time for supper.

It could’ve been just under seven minutes, or over two whole hours – time sort of stopped existing whilst Joe had his arms hooked around your thighs.

Joe was good. Knew that sucking was better than licking, the combination even better, and that getting teeth involved needed careful precision. You were struggling trying to stay quiet – your breaths were quick and started to release noise on every exhale.

Reel it in, drama queen, you thought when you heard yourself. But every time you tried to bite your lips into your mouth to somewhat silence yourself, Joe would up the tempo. Add pressure. Made you forget that you were trying to be respectful towards the neighbours.

Then Joe pulled a move that zapped you right back into focus. A hand got pressed firmly into the flesh just below your bellybutton and you tensed at the touch. Joe’s throat made a noise that sounded like he was going “Ah!” at a pet when it was about to do something it wasn’t allowed to do. Your body unwillingly reacted to it and immediately relaxed, making your knees dip even closer to the mattress. You didn’t know you were this flexible, could spread quite this wide for someone, but that hand pushing down was working.

Shit.

It kind of felt like you’d just discovered sunsets. Why weren’t you outside at sundown every day to look at the sky?! If you’d have known the colours could be beautiful enough to make you weep, you fucking would be, what the fuck.

You tried to swallow whatever made your throat feel hoarse, but there was nothing there. Just emotions then, you guessed. Sure, why not?

You risked a glance down and it was just outlines of curls and humps of shoulders. This was real. That was Joe, and your skin was on fire. You were about to orgasm, felt the faintest hint of it there before it ebbed away again, and you knew you had to focus. Concentrate to pull that feeling back.

But, that was Joe.

Joe.

How long had he been down there?

You were going to have to see him again tomorrow. With Izzy there, probably. Oh, God.

Before you even really knew what you were doing, you heard yourself. Loud moans, upping in pitch as Joe sucked and licked and you knew you were going to have to be convincing enough to make Joe believe it.

You were absolutely one hundred per cent faking an orgasm. Because that was Joe, and this whole situation was wildly unhinged.

Enough now. You’d come. Joe could stop.

“Stop,”

But, wait. That wasn’t your hushed voice that said that.

“Stop it,” Joe instructed again, and like the situation wasn’t awkward enough yet, you looked down to make eye contact with him.

“Don’t do that.”

And then he kept going.

Faster now. More pressure. Tongue flicking as he sucked hard. That hand started pressing down more, and like fucking magic, you didn’t need to focus all that much for the real thing to snap. You felt your whole body flush, blood rushing, pleasure exploding and, yea all right, these noises were a lot more realistic than the pathetic ones you had whined out before.

Old habits died hard, you guessed.

You floated for a little bit. Let yourself be fully in your body for a moment.

Nice.

That was nice.

And he'd barely even used his fingers. Jesus.

It took a minute for you to realise that Joe was softly laughing. You were spent, completely out of breath and felt how two hands got you back into your underwear. Put two lilac fuzzy socks back onto your feet.

When he got up onto his feet, he looked down at you with a stupid smug little smile playing on his face.

You huffed a little laugh at him, and groaned as you brought two hands up to cover your face in embarrassment.

“Say you won,” Joe challenged, and when you peeked through fingers, saw him grin widely at you. You grinned right back and said, “No.” which made him laugh.

“I’ll um... I’ll see you tomorrow,” and where Joe had been the one taking the lead regarding this favour before, he seemed to be the one that felt a bit awkward now. Like he’d only just been hit with all the things that had been going through your mind all throughout it.

You couldn’t really say anything back. Too busy staring at his shiny red lips, and then a quick glance down to check his crotch. Joe pretended he didn’t see that.

“And thank you,”

Your eyebrows quirked in question.

“For the favour.”

With a last slow smile, Joe turned and walked out of your bedroom. Closed to door behind him with care, which he didn’t need to do. Izzy wasn’t in. But still, not having to wait for Joe to shut the front door behind him until you had a bit of privacy was nice.

The second you were left alone, you flipped over in the bed and pressed your face into your pillow. You wanted to scream, because what? What?!

What the fuck?

No, but actually, what the fuck?

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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 5 months

Text

Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 27

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo X OFC

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives.

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Warnings: Discussions about intimate partner violence, suicidal ideation, mental health struggles, drug abuse, and alcohol abuse.

Chapter Quote: "I got to snuggle some baby goats."

It took everything in me to hold back the sob that threatened to escape the instant I heard Dieter’s voice. I momentarily placed my hand over my mouth to hold it in and compose myself. I let out a shaky breath as I tried to find my voice.

“Dieter?”

I could hear his stuttered breathing on the other end of the line. He sounded like he was battling with his emotions too.

He cleared his throat, “Yeah… it’s me.”

I sighed loudly into the phone as the tears started to slide down my face. I felt like my brain had completely shut down on me, unsure of what to say but also feeling the urge to say everything all at once. It was so overwhelming but also awkward since we had not talked in so long. There were still so many things up in the air between us.

“How’ve you been?” He asked, sounding unsure of himself. I felt like he didn’t know what to say either.

I sniffed loudly as I wiped at my face, “Umm, I’ve been ok. How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling good. Normal, I think…then again…I’m not sure I really know what normal is,” we both laughed nervously.

“I’m feeling better than I have in a long time. I can confidently say that at least,” he added.

I smiled. It was nice to know that he was feeling better. It helped dampen some of the worry I had been feeling.

“How are things going, otherwise?”

“Well, I got to snuggle some baby goats during group therapy this morning. I kinda want one now.” He sounded unabashed about this revelation.

“Of course you do,” I said in response, shaking my head and chuckling at the thought.

“I gotta new roommate two weeks ago…Gordon is his name. He’s an interesting guy…he uhhh…” he stifled a laugh before continuing. “He said he came here because the wall outlets were talking to him. Like, full conversations. They finally stopped after he got his meds sorted out. Made me feel a little better about my issues.”

I was a little dumbfounded, “Ummm, I’m not sure if I should laugh about that or not…” Dieter snickered, “He jokes about it now, so I think it’s ok.”

It felt good to hear him laughing again. I had missed that sound more than I realized. I really missed his voice in general. He sounded different. Better, lighter almost. It was a sound I wanted to commit to memory.

“Umm…so Gabby said you didn’t take that job offer?” His nervousness had returned with that question.

“No, I turned it down.” I started rubbing at my shoulder with my free hand as I moved to sit down at the kitchen table.

“Why? It sounded like an amazing opportunity”

I sighed, now rubbing at the crease between my brows, “It was, but it’s not where I wanted to be or what I wanted to do. I would’ve had to give up too much and I don’t feel like I’m in the right headspace to do that.”

“I hope it wasn’t because of me…”

“No. I mean, I guess I can’t say no. You’re part of it…but my life is here. I can’t leave Lauren or even Gabby and Alex at this point. We’ve all gotten so close. And like I said, I’m not in the right headspace for that. I would’ve been spending a lotta time alone and I don’t wanna do that right now. It just wasn’t where I felt like I should be. I didn’t feel any kind of excitement over it at all, so I turned it down”

I suddenly felt vulnerable revealing that to him, questioning if I should have. I didn’t want him to worry about me when he needed to be focusing on himself.

“Are you sure you’re doing ok?” He asked quietly.

“Yeah, I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me, I promise. I’m just…I-” I huffed, shaking my head. I wasn’t sure if it was ok to finish that thought. I didn’t want to make any assumptions about how he was feeling or make an ass of myself.

I heard him chuckle quietly over my flustered response, “I miss you too.”

I was instantly calmed by his words, my anxiety about where we stood easing some. I let out a shy laugh at his declaration, tears still running down my face as I sniffled out, “You do?”

“Of course, I do, so fucking much… I - I’m sorry I haven't called you. I wanted to make sure I had a clear head when I did, and then I didn’t really know what to say after everything that happened.”

I heard him inhale sharply before he spoke up again, there was a tapping noise, like he was drumming his fingers against something.

“Listen, I’ve only got a few minutes left before they cut me off for today, but the reason I called…”

He paused, clearing his throat nervously, “Umm, so I wanted to see if you would be willing to come here and do a session with my psychiatrist and me…”

“Of course, when?”

“Whenever you can. Just uhh, call my case worker and she’ll get it scheduled.”

I could hear him shuffle around before he started cursing under his breath.

“Well, I was gonna give you the number but now I can’t find it...Gabby should have it.”

I couldn’t help but to snigger at him. He was still a little bit of a hot mess, which I loved about him.

He followed up with an exasperated “sorry” about not being able to find the number before he let out a quiet laugh at himself. It felt like part of it was his nervousness too.

“I’ll text her to get it as soon as we hang up and I’ll call immediately.”

I could hear him sigh in relief before a beeping noise broke into our conversation with an automated message giving a one minute warning.

“I’ll be there tomorrow if they’ll let me…or at least as soon as they’ll let me,” I said in a rush. Suddenly feeling the pressure of our limited time. I still felt like I had so many things to say to him.

“I would like that. I…I really can’t wait to see you…”

His words trailed off, shaking slightly as he was hit with another wave of emotions.

“I can’t wait to see you either,” I replied with a quivering voice.

After a moment of silence, there was a clicking sound as the line disconnected. I held the phone against my forehead, trying to get my breathing back to normal. Once I was able to focus my thoughts, I sent a quick text to Gabby to let her know that Dieter had called and that I needed the number for his case worker. I half expected her to call me, but thankfully she didn’t. She replied back quickly with the number and that she was happy he finally reached out. She followed that message up with another asking me if I was ok and if I needed to talk about it. I appreciated her offer, but I was good for now and let her know as much. Once I finished texting with Gabby, I dialed the number for the case worker, suddenly feeling nervousness forming in the pit of my stomach.

“Sanctuary Hills, this is Sharon,” the polite, yet comforting voice answered.

“Hi Sharon, this is Natalia Cohen…” She cut in before I could continue.

“Oh, Talia, hi. I’ve been expecting your call. Dieter told me he was going to be calling you.”

I let out a nervous laugh, slightly taken aback by the familiarity in which she said my name. It made me wonder how much he had talked about me.

“I assume you’re calling about an appointment for a family session?”

I didn’t know why, but it stirred something in me when she called it a family session. Technically, I wasn’t his family, but they were treating me as if I were. I could feel the tears prickling at my eyes again as I exhaled out a breathy “yes” in response.

“That’s wonderful news, I know he’ll be overjoyed to see you.” I could hear the smile in her voice

“I can’t wait to see him either,” I replied, still trying to keep the emotions out of my words.

“Alright, let me have a look at the schedule. Dr. Rosenberg did ask that you be prepared to be available for at least a week for additional sessions, if possible.”

“Additional sessions?” I was confused. I couldn’t recall if the same thing had been asked of Gabby, which caused my anxiety to flare.

“Don’t worry, it’s perfectly normal for that to happen. It’s mostly educational sessions for family members if they’re willing to participate.”

“Oh, ok. That doesn’t sound so bad.” I laughed nervously.

“When would you like to come in?” she asked with a calming tone.

“As soon as you can get me in is preferable.” I started tapping on the table as I waited for options, listening to the clicking of a keyboard on her end.

“How about 10 AM the day after tomorrow?”

“I’ll take it,” I said a little too eagerly. The anticipation of seeing Dieter again was starting to get to me.

“I have it scheduled. In case you do end up staying for additional sessions, we have apartments on site for patient families. So, you won’t have to worry about lodging. We don’t want you stressing about that while you’re here.”

“Oh, that’s…nice. Thanks for letting me know.”

“When you arrive for your session, come in the north entrance with the blue awning and they'll get you checked in. It’s a different entrance than where you would have come in before.”

I thanked her and our conversation ended soon after that. Afterwards, I sat staring out the kitchen window, feeling the anxiousness settle into my gut. Not knowing what to expect was always the worst for me. It was like that call had started a countdown, to what, I wasn’t sure. I could only hope the end result would be something positive.

The morning of our session, I had a ridiculously early flight so that I could be there in time. I decided to keep things simple with minimal makeup, a messy bun, sunglasses, sneakers, skinny jeans, and one of Dieter’s button up dress shirts with the sleeves rolled up. I had raided his closet while I was at his house cleaning up. It was something small, but being wrapped in his scent or wearing something that belonged to him brought me some comfort during my time without him. His clothing quickly became a staple in my casual attire.

I was so anxious about seeing Dieter again that the flight didn’t faze me like it normally would have. Though it was an hour and a half, it seemed much quicker as the minutes continued to count down and the distance between us shortened. I could feel myself getting more worked up the closer I got. By the time I acquired the rental car and was on the road to the facility, my chest was heavy. Breathing was getting harder with each mile that passed.

When I pulled into the parking lot, I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. I sat gripping the steering wheel tightly in both hands and taking deep breaths. I wasn’t even sure why I was so nervous, it’s not like I knew what Dieter was planning to talk to me about. However, deep down I had a fear, though most likely irrational, that he was going to realize he didn’t really want to be with me after this. I wasn’t sure if I could handle that a second time if it were to happen. Without permission, the tears started to streak down my cheeks, and I felt like I was going to be sick.

After a few more deep breaths, I slammed my fist down on the stop of the steering wheel out of frustration, “Fucking hell, get it together Talia.”

My head dropped back onto the headrest as I squeezed my eyes shut, still taking deep controlled breaths. After several minutes passed, I let out a slow exhale before opening my eyes. Feeling more relaxed, I did a quick check in the mirror to make sure I didn’t look like a complete mess before exiting the vehicle to go inside.

I was starting to have an out of body feeling as I went through the check in process. I couldn’t really remember walking to the building or anything the lady behind the desk had just said to me as I sat down in the lobby to wait. After a few minutes, one of the receptionists called my name and led me through a secure door down a long hallway. We passed several offices that had glass inserts in the doors with shades. Most of the shades were pulled closed, however, I noticed one was open. As I approached, I glanced inside and was met with a familiar figure sitting in a high backed desk chair in the middle of the room with his head leaned back and eyes closed as he spun back and forth, his legs bouncing ever so often. He was sitting on the opposite side of a desk from a woman who was possibly in her fifties, with graying hair and a kind face. Though, she did have a slightly overwhelmed look about her as her eyes met mine through the glass.

I stopped briefly, watching him wave his hands animatedly as he talked incessantly, never raising his head or opening his eyes. I felt a small smirk sneak across my face. He was nervous too. I could tell. My eyes flicked back to the woman, who was watching me watch him with a soft smile on her face.

My attention was pulled away by the receptionist, who was now at my side waiting for me to continue following her.

“He’s been driving us all crazy this morning. I think poor Sharon is getting the worst of it. He’s beyond excited that you’re here today.”

I chuckled at the thought before continuing down the hallway. I was led into a spacious office. It was modern and white with floor to ceiling windows on one side with nothing in sight but nature. All the furnishings were earth tones of brown and deep reds and oranges. I noticed there were a lot of plants filling the space, which added a homey feeling, in a strange sort of way. It also struck me how there were different seating areas on either side of the room. One had a small couch and cushy chair positioned in front of it, while the other had four cushy chairs sitting closely together in a circle. Each of the seats were adorned with soft looking pillows in various shades matching the space. There was a traditional desk setup in the center of the room with two chairs placed in front of it. Each area felt carefully designed to meet specific needs.

Moments after entering the room, I was greeted by Dr. Rosenberg who first shook my hand, then pulled me in for a loose hug.

“Talia, it’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you the last couple of months.”

It took me by surprise, though I felt like it shouldn’t have. There was a certain familiarity and kindness that everyone seemed to have toward me. Everyone had been very warm and welcoming thus far. It was comforting to know this was the type of environment that Dieter had been in.

I gave her a tight lipped smile as she led me over to sit in one of the four chairs in a circle. To my surprise, the chair spun slightly as I sat in it. Dr. Rosenberg turned hers to face me directly, so I did the same with mine. I had managed to stay composed thus far, but my nervousness was starting to show as I reached up and rubbed at my shoulder. The psychiatrist was silent for a moment as she watched my movements. I stopped, sat up straight and placed both hands on top of my crossed legs to keep from fidgeting.

I’m not sure why, but I felt the need to appear like I had my shit together. I took a minute to study her as she gave me a soft smile while she continued to get settled, grabbing a notepad, file folder, pen, and glasses from the small table next to her seat. She was probably in her early fifties, maybe late forties. Her long blonde hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, and she was dressed in business casual attire. I could tell she wanted to appear professional, but not uninviting. She was also definitely looking at my body language very closely, which was making me feel antsy. My therapist used to do that, and I hated it. I mentally smacked myself over my thoughts. I was already putting up walls and we hadn’t even started talking yet.

“Well, it’s been an exciting morning around here. Dieter is definitely happy you’re here. He was asked to leave his group session this morning because he couldn't focus. He’s been bugging poor Sharon ever since.” She laughed and smiled affectionately at her words.

She was trying to get me to relax. I knew that I looked too tense. I let out a breathy laugh as I sat back further in the seat, trying to appear less uptight, but I didn't think it was working. She gave me a sympathetic look suddenly, “You’re nervous to see him.”

It wasn’t a question. Looking down at my hands, I chuckled to myself briefly before clearing my throat to speak, “Yeah, I guess I am. I just…don’t know what to expect.”

“That’s a perfectly normal feeling. It’s not unusual for family members to worry if their loved one is going to be different after treatment. Is that some of what you’re feeling?”

Her question took me by surprise, “Ummm, maybe. Sort of...maybe not so much about him being different…more about him feeling differently.”

She nodded, “I understand. I can’t say that he won’t be different. His personality may present differently, more calm, less emotional or moody. He will feel differently in that he won’t be cycling from one extreme to the other, emotionally. As far as how he feels ABOUT things, that isn’t going to change just because he’s stabilized. Does that make sense?”

I gave a tight nod, “Yeah, it does.” It didn’t do anything to ease my anxiety though because I still didn’t know how he really felt about us. She eyed me for a second before continuing.

“So, I’ll fill you in on my plan for today. First, you and I are going to chat about Dieter’s diagnosis. Once we’re done, I’m going to bring him in for the session. After that, you and I will have a follow-up meeting to discuss the path forward. Does that sound ok to you?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” I started to chew on my bottom lip while she flipped through the file in her hand.

“Great. Just so you’re aware, Dieter signed release forms for you to have access to his medical and treatment information. Nothing is off the table, so if you have questions, ask. He made it clear to me that he wants you to know everything and wants you involved as much as you want to be.”

I paused briefly, shocked by that information. I exhaled the breath I didn’t realize I was holding, “Ok...I wasn’t expecting that.”

She smiled before continuing, “Alright, let’s get to it then?” She raised her brows at me, asking permission to proceed. I motioned with my hand to continue.

“So, he’s been formally diagnosed with mixed episode Bipolar I Disorder (BD). In simple terms, bipolar disorder is when someone experiences extreme behavioral or mood changes. The extreme highs are called manic episodes, and lows are episodes of depression. Most people with BD go through highs and lows over an extended period of time. Someone with mixed episodes, like Dieter has, tend to experience both highs and lows simultaneously or in a rapid sequence with no recovery time.”

She paused, giving me a minute to digest her words. I couldn’t say I was surprised by the diagnosis, it actually made a lot of his behavior make sense. When I didn’t speak up, she continued.

“I think what happened with Dieter…he was put on a lot of medication. Antidepressants in particular can be very tricky for someone with BD. It can cause an increased risk of mood destabilization when the antidepressants are not taken with a mood stabilizer. He was on pretty much everything but a mood stabilizer. You add that in with not sleeping, not eating, drinking, anxiety, and episode triggers…it’s a recipe for disaster. Sometimes being improperly medicated like that can trigger suicidal ideation and even psychosis. Honestly, he was fighting a losing battle.”

I leaned forward in my seat, placing my elbows on my knees while I rubbed at my face. I felt anger bubbling in my chest.

“Why didn’t his therapists or doctors catch what was happening?”

“One reason…lack of experience. BD is also incredibly hard to diagnose because it shares symptoms with so many other more common disorders like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and ADHD, which is what he was being treated for. That’s not to say he doesn’t have those things as well, but if he does, we need to take a different treatment approach.”

I sighed, shaking my head in disbelief. “Wow, that actually kind of blows my mind.”

“I know… and I’m surprised that no one thought to look into it, given his family history. It can be hereditary, and BD does have a high suicide rate. Given what happened with his mother, it should’ve been considered. Also, the fact that he experienced trauma in dealing with that incident...trauma often causes the onset of symptoms.”

I sighed heavily as the tears started to pool in my eyes, “This actually…kind of pisses me off that he had to go through all of this needlessly. He fucking hated taking that stuff because of the way it made him feel.”

“That brings me to my next topic...It's been hard to get a baseline with him. I feel like a lot of the things he was experiencing were side effects from all the medications he was on. I can’t really rely on his history before he started the medication because he was using recreational and prescription drugs and drinking heavily to self medicate, which could have been making things worse for him during that time as well.” She paused briefly to gauge my reaction, “I assume you knew about his past substance abuse issues?”

“Yeah, he’s mentioned it…What does all that mean?”

“Well, it’s hard to know exactly what his actual symptoms are right now. So, to start, I’m doing the bare minimum. I’ve started him out on a low dose mood stabilizer called divalproex sodium. It’s actually…an anticonvulsant that’s normally used to treat seizures rather than a typical mood stabilizer like lithium.”

I drew my brows down together in confusion, “Why a seizure medication?”

“That medication increases the amount of a chemical called gamma-aminobutyric acid in the brain. It works to block certain transmissions across the nerves in the brain and creates sort of an overall calming effect. That particular medication often works best for patients that have mixed or rapid cycling episodes. Lithium typically doesn’t get the job done in those instances. He seems to be doing well on it so far. We’ll give it a few more months to make sure everything else is out of his system and reevaluate.”

“So, he went from taking half the pharmacy…to one thing?”

“He did. He seems pretty set on limiting the medications as much as possible. He’s been spending a lot of his time doing cognitive behavioral therapy, interpersonal and social rhythm therapy, and psychoeducation to help him manage his symptoms and learn about triggers and that sort of thing. He’s been very invested in it, and it seems to be helping.”

I sighed, starting to feel overwhelmed, “I don’t know what all of that is. I mean, I know cognitive behavioral therapy but…” I shook my head in confusion.

“No worries, if you decide to continue with the family education sessions you’ll learn about that stuff. I know it’s a lot to take in...”

“Yeah, it is, but I’m happy that he’s hopefully on the right track now.” I took a couple of deep breaths to try and relax some as I continued to process things.

“One last thing before I bring Dieter in...I know you two were no longer together before his hospitalization and you haven’t really had a chance to work things out. His preference is to stay with you when he leaves treatment. I do want to be able to manage his expectations if that isn’t going to be the case. I don’t want you to feel like you have to allow that if you aren’t ready to take all this on. I want you to know that you can say no.”

I was taken aback at her directness, but also appreciated it. I actually felt like I was warming up to her some and feeling more comfortable with opening up to her. I didn’t hesitate with my response, if anything, I said it with conviction, looking directly into her eyes as I spoke.

“There’s no question in my mind about him coming home with me so long as he wants to. I’ve known from the start that he was struggling with his mental health, and I promised to support him through it. A new diagnosis doesn’t change anything for me. I’m all in for this.”

Dr. Rosenberg gave me a warm smile, clearly satisfied with my response. “Now I see why he says you can be a force to be reckoned with.”

My eyebrows shot up at her words as she again took me by surprise, “Dieter said that?” I chuckled at the thought as I leaned back in my seat, surprised that was the wording he chose.

“He’s said a lot of things about you, all positive, of course.” She laughed quietly to herself as she set her glasses on the table. As she stood, she announced she was going to go get him for our joint sessions.

After Dr. Rosenberg disappeared out the door, I could feel my anxiety returning. My chest was starting to tighten again as my heart beat a mile a minute. Instinctively, my right hand moved to rub at my shoulder. Was he going to be upset about how easily I gave up on us? I didn’t know how he couldn’t be. It didn’t sound like he was planning to end things for good even though that thought kept crossing my mind. It was clearly my pessimism and self-doubt seeping in. The thought of being completely open and vulnerable in this setting was making things worse too. I wasn’t a fan of having an audience, but I needed to get over that and not build up my walls right now. I propped my arm on the rest of the chair and started to rub at my forehead as my leg began to bounce. I couldn’t make myself stop the fidgeting no matter how hard I tried.

After several minutes passed, Dr. Rosenberg returned with Dieter following behind her. His head was down, clenching and unclenching his hands as he walked. As he approached me, he finally looked my way through his lashes. He gave me a small smile that widened as his eyes dropped down to my shirt, obviously noticing I was wearing one of his. I gave him a shy smile in return. He sat down in the chair directly in front of me as Dr. Rosenberg returned to her earlier spot.

It was clear he was nervous by the way he couldn’t keep his hands still and how the heel of his croc kept bouncing off the tiled floor. He would only occasionally glance in my direction as we waited for Dr. Rosenberg to get settled again. I took the opportunity to study his appearance. He looked so much better compared to the last time I had seen him. His light gray t-shirt was no longer loose looking around his fit torso. His pale skin had been replaced with a golden tan. His hair was longer and as wild as ever, framing his scruffy and patchy beard. His chocolate brown eyes looked clearer than I had ever seen them and were filled with nervousness and anticipation.

Once Dr. Rosenberg was ready to start, she filled Dieter in on what she had discussed with me about his diagnosis. She then encouraged him to take the lead going forward and discuss the things he wanted to speak with me about. He rubbed his hands together nervously, briefly chewing on his bottom lip before he met my gaze to speak.

“So, you’re…ok with that diagnosis?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. I wasn’t sure what he meant and gave him a confused look. “Like, it doesn’t freak you out or anything? I know it’s a lot to deal with.”

“Dieter, the diagnosis doesn’t change anything. You’re still you. Why would it bother me?”

“I dunno, I’m just afraid that at some point you’re gonna realize how big of a mess I am and run away from it all,” he said sheepishly.

I chuckled, leaning forward in the seat with a teasing smile, “I realized how big of a mess you were a long time ago.” He scratched at his chin as a smirk formed on his lips.

“Besides, I’m pretty sure I’ve already seen the worst of it and I’m still here. My feelings for you haven’t changed. You don’t have to worry about that from me.”

His eyes turned glassy at my words as he pinched his brows together, looking downward at his hands in his lap.

“I don’t deserve you, not after the way I treated you…the things I said. I was such an asshole to you.”

I bit at my bottom lip, shaking my head before speaking, “None of that matters to me. I know you weren’t completely yourself when you said those things.”

“No, I wasn’t but I still knew what I was doing and saying. I apparently tend to self-sabotage things. Some of the things I said, using your past against you, I knew it would hurt you. I wanted the words to hurt so you would let me go. I knew you wouldn’t otherwise.”

“Why though? I don’t understand why you felt the need to end things to begin with. Why was I a burden to you?”

His eyes widened at my question, brows shooting upward as he shook his head from side to side, “No, no you weren’t the burden…I was. I’m sorry I made you think that. I know the night I called, I wasn’t making a lot of sense. I…I hadn’t slept in days, and I was such a fucking mess.”

He licked his bottom lip and chewed at it for a second before continuing, “I could see how you were having to completely change everything about your life to accommodate me and my work just for us to be together. I knew it was eventually gonna be a problem and cause you stress because it was affecting your job. I didn’t wanna ruin your life that way. You shouldn’t have to cater your life to mine, it’s not fair. I love you too much to do that to you.”

“Dieter, it wasn’t always gonna be like that. It just happened to be shitty circumstances caused by the remote location. If we hadn't been in the middle of nowhere, I could’ve worked without issue. We just weren’t prepared for the challenges that came up. This is a learning experience for both of us. We’ll know better for next time so I can plan accordingly…and it wasn’t like you weren’t making changes to meet me halfway.”

He couldn’t argue with that. He sighed as he leaned back in his seat, nodding in agreement.

“I know that now, I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly…obviously. It all made sense at the time.” He rolled his eyes, frustrated with his behavior. He took a deep breath before continuing.

“It was more than that though, I knew I was spiraling out of control. I could fucking feel it happening and didn’t know how to make it stop. I didn’t wanna tell you what was going on because I didn’t want you to worry. I knew you would drop everything and fly back to Canada to be with me.”

“You’re damn right I would’ve… and I should’ve done that anyway.” I could feel my emotions catching up to me, my eyes filling with tears as I looked down away from him.

“I fucking knew it…in my gut that something was wrong, and I did nothing. If I had just done it…came up there anyway, this probably would’ve gone differently. I could’ve helped you through it, but no…I was a fucking coward. I gave up because I was selfish and wanted to protect myself. I didn’t even try because I was too afraid that I would end up in a dark place again if you didn’t want me to be there with you.”

The tears were streaking down my cheeks by this point. I couldn’t hold them back anymore. I had so much anger for myself that it was making me feel sick. Dieter stood from his seat, closing the few feet between us, then got down on his knees on the floor in front of me. He moved to grab my hands in my lap, but hesitated. I reached up and grabbed his in response.

“I’m sorry I put you in the position to even have to think that. It should’ve never happened. I should’ve been communicating everything with you instead of pushing you away. This whole fucking mess is my fault…I wanted to reach out so many times after that… to try and fix it, but you seemed like you were doing ok so I didn’t want to upset you again.”

The tears were streaming down his face now as he took a minute to try and compose himself.

“I thought I could move on and just deal with things the way I used to…by numbing the pain. That’s when I started drinking heavily again. Then I saw you at the restaurant, and you looked so fucking amazing…and I was such a dick. I was so angry with myself for that. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I had everything and fucked it up. My behavior after that night was reckless. There are days I can’t even remember because I was drinking so much. I just wanted to not think about it anymore.”

He pulled his hands away, looking down at the floor before wiping at his face. When he raised his head again, the pain in his eyes nearly made my heart stop. I reached out to cup his cheek, but he leaned away, seeming to need space.

“The night that video of you was posted online…several people sent it to me. I didn’t watch it at first because I didn’t think it would mean anything…but when I finally did…”

He put his hand over his mouth, letting out a quiet sob, before continuing.

“I could see how bad you were hurting…how bad I hurt you. What I did to you…I hated myself for it because you didn’t deserve that. It also reminded me of what I was missing out on because of how beautiful you sounded and looked…and that fucking song.”

He paused for a minute, shaking his head. He sniffled and wiped at his face again before continuing.

“I stayed up all night, watching it on a loop on the tv. I almost called you then, but stopped myself. I drank until I had nothing left instead. Then, when I ran into you the next morning, I could see how fucking broken you were. The way you looked at me…it fucking crushed me. I bought more alcohol and went back to the house. I don’t really remember much after that.”

He shook his head for a moment, pausing to take a few deep breaths, wiping at his face again.

“I don’t even remember calling you…and…even after everything I did, you still came to me. You could’ve easily told me to fuck off and I would’ve deserved it, but you didn’t. I know I wouldn’t be here right now if you hadn’t. You saved my life…I feel like you’ve been doing that ever since New York. When I say you’re my light in the darkness, I fucking mean it.”

I started sobbing into my hands. I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I felt his fingers wrap around my wrist, pulling my hands around his neck as he moved to hug me. We sat there in an embrace for some time before I started mumbling into his shoulder.

“I was so afraid you were gonna hate me for giving up on you so easily. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder. Just know that it had nothing to do with you…I clearly still need to work on my own shit.”

He hugged me a little tighter as he buried his fingers in the back of my hair, “That thought never crossed my mind. Don’t even worry about it anymore.”

He finally pulled back, wiping the tears away from my cheeks with his thumbs as he did so. We gave each other tight smiles as we locked eyes. He turned away, toward Dr. Rosenberg, who I had completely forgotten was in the room, and asked for some tissues. She picked up the box from her small table and handed it to him as he stood. He handed me several and took some for himself before handing the box back to her. She motioned for him to have a seat. As she turned to set the box back on the table, I noticed she was looking a little glassy eyed too.

We all sat in silence as her eyes shifted between us. Dieter and I glanced at each other, confusion on our faces as we looked back toward her. She chuckled before she spoke.

“I’m not even sure why I’m here. This is literally the first family session ever where I didn’t have to intervene or lead a conversation. You two don’t seem to have any problems communicating, so I’m not sure how you ended up where you were.”

We both smiled widely at her, surprised and appreciative of her honesty. Dieter spoke up with a chuckle.

“I think between my fucked up brain and the distance…it didn’t do us any favors. We’re always at our best when we’re physically together, I think. Everything goes to hell when we aren’t. Clearly that is something I need to work on.”

Dr. Rosenberg nodded in agreement, “Well, I hate to separate you two again, but we are running short on time, and I want to have a chat with Talia about the plans going forward. Dieter, I’m pretty sure you have another group session coming up so you better head that way. You think you can focus enough for this one?”

She raised an eyebrow in his direction as he laughed and nodded. He stood, quickly shuffling over to lean down and give me a hug before exiting the room.

Dr. Rosenberg wasted no time getting back to business, “Talia, part of his treatment is making sure he has the support he needs when he gets home. That’s why we offer support to caretakers as well, because technically, you will be his caretaker as the only other person in the household with him.”

I knitted my brows together, confused about where this conversation was going.

“I’m not going to pretend that I don’t know you have a traumatic history because Dieter has mentioned a few things. I don’t know the details, and I get the sense he doesn’t know it all either. I feel like whatever happened with your ex-husband is still affecting you. Is the dark place you mentioned something that you would be willing to talk to me about? Anything you tell me about yourself is confidential, just so you know.”

I sighed heavily as I ran both hands over my face, “So you picked up on that, huh?” I laughed nervously under her gaze.

“You’re right, I haven’t told him everything. I keep telling myself I’ve moved past it, but after the last few months, I’ve realized that I just locked it away and pretended it didn’t exist. I tend to do that with a lot of things.” She gave me an encouraging smile, clearly picking up on my hesitation as I paused to gather my thoughts.

“So, the last few years of my marriage, I started drinking heavily after finding no way out of the hell I was living in. The constant mental and psychological abuse was wearing me down, especially after I realized what was happening. When I tried to talk to Justin about a divorce, he would just tell me there was no way out because he wasn’t ready to give me up.” I paused briefly… focusing on something outside through the window. “I uhh, came home early from work one day and found him with another woman that he worked with. He of course said it was my fault, because I wasn’t giving him what he needed in the marriage. I knew what he was doing…and I was determined not to let it go because I felt I had a legitimate reason to end things at that point. I TOLD him I was leaving. I was done asking. When I started packing a bag, he hit me. The first time ever. I mean, he had shoved me around some, but never hit me across the face like that. He told me there was no leaving… that he would just find me and bring me home. Said no one would believe me or help because all of OUR friends knew how I was.”

“Talia, what did saying that out loud just now make you feel?”

My eyes drifted over to meet hers, “I don’t really feel anything.”

She arched a brow, “That’s because you're dissociating. I want you to focus on me as you speak and feel what you’re saying.”

Fuck. She wasn’t going to let me cheat my way through this like my therapist did. I pinched my brows together as my eyes teared up again. I had to face this. I closed my eyes briefly, exhaling slowly. When I opened them and met her gaze, she nodded for me to continue.

“He wasn’t wrong. I didn’t really have anyone to turn to. He made sure of that. He left after our argument, said he was going out with the guys. I doubt that’s where he went though. As soon as he left, I started drinking. I remember…feeling lost and pretty fucking hopeless after that. I couldn’t believe he hit me, and I was scared it would happen again. I never saw myself as someone who lets their husband abuse them…I felt disgusted over it. I must have drank a lot…because I can’t remember the rest of that night. I - I woke up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. I guess when he came home, he found me passed out in my own vomit.”

I started tapping on the arm of the chair as the tightness in my chest returned. The tears trickled out again.

“When Justin finally came to see me, I told him that I was done. If he didn’t let me go, I was gonna find a way out…one way or another and I would make sure everyone knew it was his fault. Given that I had just put myself in the hospital, he took me at my word and agreed on a divorce. I guess he was afraid of what I would do.”

“What did you mean by that?”

I gave a half smile, “I honestly don’t know. I wonder that myself…what I was capable of. If I could’ve done anything.”

“What happened after you both agreed to the divorce?”

“Well, when I was still in the hospital, I reached out to one of my best friends that I grew up with, Lauren. We had kept in touch, even though I actively worked to put up a wall between us so she wouldn’t know what was really going on in my life because I was so embarrassed over it. She didn’t hesitate…she was at the hospital within the hour, and I told her everything. I stayed with her for a few weeks until I got my life sorted out. I don’t think I would have been able to do it without her. Of course, Justin continued to torment me by dragging out the divorce for over a year. It got pretty nasty.”

“What effects do you feel like that experience had on you?” She asked quietly.

“Experience.” I chuckled. “I didn’t realize twelve years of hell could be considered an experience.”

She gave me a sympathetic look before I continued, “I mean, I lost myself. I didn’t know who I was. I was who he wanted me to be. After I left him, he was still in my head with everything I did. What I was wearing, how I fixed my hair and makeup, things I said. I couldn’t do some of the simplest things without hearing his voice telling me I was doing something wrong and having a fucking panic attack over it. I couldn’t make decisions…and yes, I would still drink to numb my feelings and calm myself down. Only this time, I knew exactly how much I could drink without taking it too far.”

“Are those things still an issue for you now?”

I shook my head, “No, I mean, I did all the cognitive behavioral therapy and the sessions. I eventually got to a point where the negative thoughts stopped. I think Dieter had a lot to do with that…he kind of helped me see myself in a different light…but I do still have anxiety sometimes and I think I’ve reverted back to ignoring my feelings… compartmentalizing everything and pretending it’s not there. Throwing myself into work and staying busy to keep my mind occupied. I’ve been doing that instead of drinking the feelings away.”

Dr. Rosenberg leaned forward, placing her elbow on her knee with a pensive look on her face.

“Talia…would you be willing to stay for the next three weeks to work through some of this with me? It would be outpatient treatment…a couple hours a day. You can stay in one of our apartments.”

I sucked in a quick breath. I certainly wasn’t expecting this, but at the same time, I almost felt relieved. My gut told me I needed it and I knew I couldn’t go on the way I had been because I was eventually going to self-destruct if I didn’t take better care of myself. I knew I couldn’t fully be there for Dieter if I was still battling with myself. I sat staring at my hands as I thought through the offer. I could still work remotely, so that wouldn’t be an issue. I raised my head to meet her eyes, “Will Dieter know what I’m doing?”

“Only if you want him to.”

“I don’t want to saddle him with my shit right now…I don’t wanna mess him up.”

“Honestly, I think he’s stable at this point. I think he could handle whatever you wanted to share with him. If you wanted, we could even do some more joint sessions, or he can just be there for support if you want him to be. It’s all up to you really.”

“What would you do?” I asked, letting out a stuttered breath with my question. She took a minute to consider her response, biting on the inside of her cheek as she did so.

“I don’t think it would be bad if you shared everything with him. The more open you are with one another, the better. Communication is going to be a huge factor in keeping your relationship healthy and happy. At least if he knows what’s going on he can support you, just like you support him. Also, if he needs help processing through things, we can help him with that while he’s here…but again, it’s your decision.”

“Yeah, I mean he knows most of it anyway…Alright, I’ll do it. I’ll stay and I want him involved.”

She gave me a bright smile, “I’m actually really happy to hear that. I think this will allow you to build a solid foundation going forward. I’m excited for your future together. I can tell that you both care deeply for each other and I really want your time here to be successful.”

I gave her thanks for the opportunity she was giving me. I’ve known for a while that I had things that I needed to work on but didn't really know where to start. The fact that Dieter seemed so at ease with her and was doing so well gave me some comfort and the courage to jump in head first.

The next three weeks were a whirlwind of educational sessions to help me learn about bipolar disorder; the triggers, coping strategies, and lifestyle changes to minimize stress. I even had an opportunity to learn more about Dieter’s medication and possible interactions and side effects so I would be able to spot them. He had asked that I be involved with his Interpersonal and Social Rhythm therapy, which was designed to help him build a daily routine of healthy habits to manage his moods. Given his job, sometimes a routine was almost impossible for him to keep, but we learned strategies to deal with that when confronted with it. It was all very helpful for the both of us.

I had my sessions too of course. He sometimes set in on them if we were doing something particularly hard that day. His presence helped keep me grounded and got me through a lot. He was taking time to learn about ways to help me cope better and we worked together on effective communication skills.

Dr. Rosenberg recommended that I start keeping a journal to help me work through my emotions. I was iffy about it at first, but Dieter was also doing it and he loved it. He was very encouraging about it. It was something that I had come to enjoy doing after a few days. We had even taken to having a shared journal between us to better communicate our feelings, which Dr. Rosenberg loved the idea of and encouraged.

Even though Dieter and I weren’t able to spend a whole lot of time together during those three weeks, I could always feel his presence and support. It’s what kept me going through it all. I don’t think I would have had the strength to do it without him. By the time my last day of treatment came around, he was given the all clear for discharge. It was both nerve wracking and exciting to know that we would be going home…together.

A/N: How excited are we that these two are finally back together? How badly did this chapter hit the feels? Did you cry? If you did, hopefully this will be the last time...unless you are a happy crier. There may be happy tears later. 😉 How are we feeling about Dieter's diagnosis? Does it change how you view some of his past behavior? What about that revelation from Talia? I mean, are we really surprised though; the girl has had a complicated relationship with alcohol throughout the whole story. How do you think things are going to go when they get back home? Do you think they will pick up where they left off or have some growing pains? We will find out in the next chapter. 😁 I am 100% failing at life and did not get the Deconstructing Dieter Bravo post done. I need to do a little fact checking and didn't have the brain power for it. However, once I get that ready, it will be posted HERE. The topic for Deconstructing Dieter Bravo Part 3 will be his diagnosis. I will tag all the usuals in the posts once it is ready. Hopefully you will find it to be educational. 💜 👉 I do want to share some details on upcoming projects that will be released for the holidays. I am participating in the @pedrostories Secret Santa event. I have received my gift prompt, and you may be excited to know that you will be getting a Dieter Bravo one shot from me by Christmas. I already have some ideas swirling around for it and it's not related to any current fics. It should be fun. Be sure to follow the #pedrostoriesgift23 hashtag to check out all the awesome work that will be included for the event. 👉 I will also be participating in the Pickled Peña event for the new year. I am going to try my hand at writing a little Javi P. for you. Follow @pickled-pena for updates and the hashtag #pickledpeña to see all madness (and I'm sure debauchery) that comes from this fun challenge. I also invite you all to join us! There is still time! It's going to be a blast! If you would like to be tagged on either of these one shots, let me know in the comments. 💜 As usual, I have included the chapter mood board below in case you missed it.😘

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tqmies · 2 years

Text

REEL | Lee Jeno

Description. The annual camping trip that your friend group held every year was rapidly approaching. Jeno, dateless, enlists your help in catching him a date. If only it were that simple, but unfortunately, nothing is ever that simple.

Pairings. Lee Jeno x Female Reader (Slight Sungchan x Reader)

Genre. Romance, Smut, Comedy

Warnings. Curses, Sexual jokes, Drinking, Unprotected Sex (Always wrap it before you tap it!) , Oral (F. and M. Receiving), Semi-public, Creampie.

Word count. 10K

Note: MINORS DNI! It makes me uncomfortable. Also this is my first time posting smut on this blog :) Please let me know how you all feel about it. PLEASE leave feedback I’m really nervous about this one hehe. Ok ok, enjoy!!

“IT’S ALL JUST A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT.” Were the first words that floated through the air.

“I agree, but the rest of us have already completed that right of passage.”

“Haechan goes through them like Pokemon cards.”

You walk into the scene, bewildered by what the boys are discussing. “Please don’t tell me you’re talking about virginity.” You gag.

“Pftt, virginity? Like Jeno can even get a girlfriend.” Jaemin responds, jabbing his finger towards the aforementioned boy.

So that’s what this was about? This was always a popular topic of conversation with you guys. What could you say, he was an easy target.

Your friend, Lee Jeno, has had yet to have his first girlfriend. Now this isn’t a big deal, but seeing as he was friends with boys who have had at least nine girlfriends before, it definitely made him stand out.

“Look I just don’t get why it’s a big deal.” Jeno reconciles.

“You don’t get a lot of things. Like girlfriends.” Haechan says causing Mark to snicker.

“Leave him alone.” You say, “Not everyone want’s to date half our town like you did.”

“Oh she got your ass!” Jaemin giggles.

“Shut up, you dated the other half.”

This throws Chenle into a fit of laughter, “You gonna let her talk to you like that? Personally if it was me-”

“Your girlfriend treats your dog better than you.” You warn.

Chenle stops in his tracks as his jaw drops, he scoffs as he pretends to be hurt by your comment.

“Damn, you’re out for blood today.” The group laughs again.

“Oh no, she always gets like this when it comes to her little Jeno-weno.” Haechan teases, using a nickname that you hadn't called Jeno since you were kids.

You push him away as you scrunch your nose, “You guy’s are so annoying.”

“Yeah, yeah, you love us.”

The boys delve into another conversation as you continue to think about the previous one.

I mean, you had wondered about it for a long time. Why didn’t Jeno have a girlfriend? He surely had the looks, not to mention how sweet the boy was. Though, you just chalked it up to him not being interested. He did just brush off every girl who tried to make advances. Maybe he wasn’t looking for anything.

You knew he pulled, he had his secret little hook-ups now and then, but he never was one to commit. The boys liked to deduce that it was the girls who just didn’t want to date Jeno, but you digress.

Your attention is drawn back to the conversation when Jaemin mentions something about the camping trip that was approaching. It was a little trip you guys had planned every year, and for the past two it had been a success. Though, Jaemin being Jaemin, wanted to switch things up a bit.

“A couple’s camping trip?!” Mark had asked in disbelief.

“Yeah think about it! Everyone comes in a pair, we share tents, and play games, and maybe even get some action.” Jaemin responds, wiggling his brows at the suggestive comment.

“Gross, I’m not interested in hearing Haechan and his ‘girl of the week’ doing it in some tent.” You add on, because let’s be honest, his girls were rarely ever quiet. He was rarely ever quiet.

“Why? You jealous? You know, all you have to do is ask.” He says, leaning closer to you as you put your palm to his face. Jeno looks at you two warily.

“In your dreams.” You state, removing your hand in disgust as he licks it. Punching him in the shoulder as you yell at how gross he is.

“She has a point though,” Renjun speaks up. “I’m not interested in having my tent next to Jaemin and that chick.”

“That chick has a name!” The aforementioned replies, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Not like we would know, you keep her locked up.” Chenle interjects.

“Rightfully so! She’d run for the hills if she knew you guys.”

“Yeah like you’re any better.”

This starts another little spurt of endless bickering as you roll your eyes.

“I just think it’s be weird, you know? To introduce like six new people to our group at once?” Mark comments, you and Renjun nodding your heads in agreement.

“Also it’s gonna be hard to find someone who’s down to go camping in the middle of the woods with a bunch of strangers.” You reason.

“Awe, scared you’re not going to find anyone?” Haechan smirks, the facial expression seeming to be permanently etched across his face.

“I’m more worried about Jeno over there.” You snicker, noticing the boy had been quiet.

“You too?” He groans, throwing his head back in defeat.

You just laugh, sure you’d always defend him. But you were definitely not above poking fun at Jeno every now and then.

After finishing your lunch and bidding the boys goodbye, you’re walking away when you hear your voice being called.

You turn to see Jeno following behind you as he makes it to your side. “Come to walk me to class?”

“Yes..” He starts. “and no.”

“Uh oh, what do you want?”

“Why do you assume I want something?”

“You always do,” You shrug. “That’s just how you are Lee.”

He frowns, “I need a favor.”

“No I won’t be your camp date.”

“Damn! Why not?” He pleads, he was so sure you’d agree. And he wasn’t too far off.

Sure, you’d love nothing more than to be cooped up in a tent with your hot friend, but that’d be crossing too many boundaries. So as nice as it sounded, you had to refuse.

“It’d be too weird.”

“How?”

“Cause we’re friends.”

“Geez, I’m not asking you to sleep with me. I’m just asking to share a tent and maybe like, I don’t know, sit by me? We sleep in the same room all the time.”

“And you just assume I don’t have someone I plan on bringing?” You ask, sporting a smirk.

“You do?”

Of course you don’t. Truth be told, you were so busy that you hadn’t dipped your foot in the dating waters for months. The only boys you ever even talked to were the ones in your friend group.

Though, you were nothing short of options. Surely you could pull some random boy along with you, just for the trip. One Instagram post and your direct messages would be flooded.

“That’s for me to know, and for you to find out.”

He just scoffs at your response before looking away, “What about Yoo Jimin?”

“What?”

“I should ask her to be my camp date.”

“There’s no way in hell! Yoo Jimin only goes for older guys. Like graduated guys.” You explain, opening the door to enter your classes building.

“What? Really?”

“Yes, you’re telling me you really didn’t know that?”

“No.. I mean, I just thought maybe she wasn’t interested in any guys here.”

“Geez Jeno, you really know nothing about girls.”

“All you guys do is make fun of me! What about actually helping me?!” He explains, stomping his feet like a child.

“Yeah, nothing could help you out there.” You sigh.

“Please help me! I’m begging!”

“What?!” You raise a brow.

“Help me get a date!”

“Why should I spend my precious time helping you?” You tease, knowing you didn't have much else to do.

“Please?!” He begs, and you, with your horrible inability to resist, give in.

You tell him to meet you at his place after your last class of the day. Having no idea what was in store for you. And just like you said, you were at his place right on time.

Flopping onto his bed, you scroll through your phone as Jeno stares at you from his desk chair.

“What?” You say, placing your phone down as you raise a brow.

“I thought you were gonna help!” He whines, turning around in his swivel chair.

“I am helping!” You defend. “I’m…I’m scoping Instagram for potential dates!”

“You’re a horrible liar.”

“Whatever,” You sign, turning your phone towards him.“Look, shes really pretty. She goes to our university too. Why don’t you try and message her.”

Jeno looks very caught off guard, “That’s Yiren.”

“Ok? She seems cool, she likes to travel, and she’s pretty!” You say, scrounging her profile intently.

“Looks aren’t everything.”

“Did you not hear everything I said before that?” You groan. “At least try.”

He nods, picking up his own phone and typing in her username. Going quiet for a couple minutes, he finally puts his phone down. “Okay, I messaged her.”

You squeal, “Now we wait!”

He just smiles, “Wanna order some food?”

“I thought you’d never ask! I’ll pick a movie?”

And so, after picking the scariest movie you could find, (And the heaviest blankets), you settle into the couch with your takeout box.

You two are engrossed in the film, when Jeno’s phone loudly dings.

Shuffling to sit up, you smile, “Is that her?”

The smile fades from your face as you read the message.

@_WangYerin: Ew...

You look dejectedly at Jeno.

“Yeah no, this is not gonna work.” He opens his mouth to speak again.

You interrupt him. “There’s plenty of fish in the sea. I’m sure we can find you one girl in time.”

“Jeno.”

“Yeah?”

“What the hell are you wearing?”

He looks down to his outfit, raising his brows in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Jeno, I don’t even know where to begin..” You pause, your eyes drawing over his clothing.

He was donned head to toe in fishing gear. Loose cargo shorts and a floral printed shirt. Completed with the floppy hat and reel. He looked like a tourist.

This was truly ridiculous. He was standing in your living room, dressed like he was in some swamp marsh in Florida. (Even then, he’d still be overdressed.)

“There’s plenty of fish in the sea.” He references, wiggling his brows at you. Gesturing to his outfit, “Chicks dig this right?”

“What?!” You exclaim, your face donned with confusion. Is that what he thought girls liked? It took everything in you not to burst out laughing.

“I’m starting to think..” He trails, “That’s not what you meant.”

“You’re hopeless.” You announce, resting your palm against your chin.

How were you going to fix this? Not to mention that you only had about two weeks to do it. “Ignoring the poor choice of outfit, let’s talk about something else.”

He just nods as you scrounge your brain, “So as you know, you don’t have the best reputation preceding woman..”

“What do you mean? I love woman!” He proclaims, as if he couldn’t believe what you were getting at.

You sigh, “If only they loved you.”

He scoffs before rolling his sleeves up, “Look at these bad boys. The ladies can’t resist.”

You swear your eyes could roll of your head. “Be real Jeno, it takes more than some muscles to get a girlfriend.”

“Damn.” Is all he says as he pulls his sleeves down. Trying to ignore your judging eyes.

“I’m starting to think this is damn near impossible.” You speak.

“You’ve barely even helped yet!”

“And I’m already failing!”

Looking around your apartment, you feel as if a light bulb went off in your head. “We’re not going to get anything done in here. We need to be outside, scouting you some girls!”

And with that, you grab his wrist and drag him out through the front door. Pointing at the keys in his pocket, “You drive, its the gentlemanly thing to do.”

“Yeah okay,” He scoffs, “You’re just lazy.”

He unlocks his car and you pile in, relieved to be in the passengers seat for once. “I could get used to this.” You speak, reclining your seat.

“Oh I didn’t know they could go back that far.” He says, genuine amazement donning his face. You cringe at his words.

“Are you kidding?” You laugh. “Don’t let Haechan hear you say that.”

“He already knows I get no action. I’m sure he won’t be surprised.” He grumbles.

“Okay, here’s another tip.” You announce, sitting up. “You need to have more confidence.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say I don’t.”

“No I know, but girls love men who seem sure of themselves, you know? They don’t want someone who’s muddling around proclaiming they have no game.”

He takes you in your words but shakes his head, “I don’t know..”

“C’mon Jeno,” You say, turning to meet his eyes. “You’re young, you’re hot, you work out! And you’re super sweet. Not to mention you’re like crazy smart,”

You continue on rambling as you fail to notice Jeno’s growing smirk. He was going to relish in every compliment that fell from your tongue. And surely tease you about it later.

You only stopped when you notice how quiet he got.

“Hello? Earth to Jeno?”

“I’m here,” He responds with a smile.

“You’re so annoying.” You roll your eyes.

“Where to?” He speaks, ignoring your comment.

“The park! The one by campus. There’s always tons of people just hanging out there.” You proclaim.

You always took note of the various groups that were there at all times of day. Studying or having a picnic, but you were sure you were going to run into at least one group of girls. And if they had any sense, they would eat Jeno up.

As the sun starts to set on your day though, you realize they were definitely not eating Jeno up. In fact, every time Jeno approached a girl, they seemed to dodge it the other way. Half-assed excuses donning their lips, and that was if they were nice. Some of the girls just blatantly ignored him and continued on their way.

Yet, Jeno didn’t let up. He didn’t even seem the slightest bit discouraged.

Even as he got shot down by another girl. One claiming she ‘Wasn’t in the mood to get her heart broken.’

Though you digress, you knew that girl, she was in your Econ class. And if her on and off relationship with Choi Yeonjun was any indicator, she was just trying to save face. Or at least that’s what you told Jeno as you walked back to his car.

You knew what the girls thought about Jeno, likely that he was just trying to pick himself up a weekly girlfriend. They probably didn’t want anything to do with him. He had gained himself a reputation.

Many girls pegged him to be a heart breaker, seeing as he rejected any girl who asked him out. But that was nothing personal, he just didn’t want to be a in relationship then. He didn’t mean anything by it, and he certainly didn’t want to hurt the girls.

But not everyone is as understanding.

“Okay new plan,” You speak. “Neighboring university area!”

“Huh?”

“Dude, everyone here like runs when they see you. Lets go somewhere where no one knows you!”

“Okay but if they don’t know me.. how will I get them to come camping with me?!”

He makes a valid point.

You lean your head back into his seat and groan. Beating your brain, you decide to take a breather. “Lets go eat lunch, there we can converge a plan.”

“Why did you say that last part so weird?” He laughs. “Mad scientist vibes.”

“Shut up.” You retaliate, punching him in the arm. “Just for that, I get to pick where we eat.”

Shoving the roll into your mouth, you bask in the glorious taste. “This is so good.”

“Slow down there, you might choke.”

“Okay mom.”

He laughs at your comment and stares at the menu, trying to get his order ready by the time the waiter comes by.

“Jeno?” You hear, causing you to look up from the basket of bread you were admiring.

You’re met with a girl, probably around your age, smiling widely at Jeno.

“Sumin? Is that you?” He asks, returning a smile.

You look between the two of them confusedly. You were sure she didn’t go to your university. How did Jeno know her?

“Uh, This is Sumin. We met a couple years ago at camp.” He explains. Then going to introduce you to Sumin as his friend, to which you nod at, offering her a smile.

You suddenly reminded about when Jeno’s parents used to send him off to camp every summer back in high school. Rendering you to spend your summers full of Jaemin. You’re not sure why Jeno went anyways. Something about keeping him out of trouble. Though if there were girls as beautiful as Sumin there, you’re sure he got into more trouble.

As you let them talk, you notice Sumin seems to be leaning into Jeno a lot. That’s like a surefire sign of attraction.

Then a light bulb pops into your head. “Sumin, you two met at camp? You must like the outdoors and such then?” You interrupt.

“Oh yes!,” She smiles. “I loved sleeping under the stars, and kayaking! Oh, and the random games they used to make us play!”

‘Well,” You start, looking at Jeno. Hoping he knew where you were going with this. “We’re actually going camping with a couple of friends soon.”

“Oh, really?” She says nodding.

You look to Jenos face, hoping to gauge a reaction. He doesn’t look uncomfortable or anything, so now was your chance.

“We actually are looking for a couple more people. You should join us!”

The statement hangs in the air as she thinks, “Oh I don’t know, I can’t intrude!”

“No no, you wont be intruding! You can even share a tent with Jeno.” And you turn towards him, silently hoping he’d encourage her.

It seems he gets the hint. “Yeah, I don’t mind. It’ll be like old times.”

You smile. “Give her your number so she can ask about the details!”

Thank goodness you were here to help. He really did suck at this.

The two bid each other goodbye soon after, Sumin promising to text him later. You just grin widely at his success. “We found you a girl! And its only been a week!”

He just stays quiet. “Hooray for us.”

“Whats wrong?” You ask, finding his quietness odd.

“I don’t know, Sumin’s nice.”

“But..?”

“No but’s, shes nice.” And with that the waiter arrives. Leaving that to be pushed to the back of your mind as you focus on what you’re going to order.

The plan was a success. That much was sure. Especially when you went and showed all your friends pictures of Sumin. You spilling how she looked more stunning in real life, and how Jeno would be bringing the prettiest girl to the event.

To which prompted Haechan to object, “Whatever, wait till you see my date.”

“Who are you bringing?” Mark perks up, genuinely curious.

Haechan gestures towards you, throwing his arm over you shoulder. To which you aggressively shake off. “Nice try, find someone else.”

“Why? It’s not like you have anyone to bring.”

You stay quiet, smirking.

“You found someone?!” Haechan presses on. “Who is he?”

It’s a surprise, is what you say.

They roll their eyes at you, not believing your words for one second, even as you press on that its true.

Though you know truthfully, you have yet to find anyone. You were so wrapped up in your determination to get Jeno a date that you had forgotten to get your own. In fact, today had been weird that you hadn't been with Jeno the whole day. You liked spending time with him. But now the focus was on you.

You had time though, so it’s not like you were worried.

Jeno doesn’t know why, but hes dying to know who you’re bringing. He’s also relieved to see that you’re not falling into Haechan’s advances. But whoever you’re bringing could be undoubtedly worse, so he tries not to get his hopes up.

“Oh also, Jaemin mentioned to me that we need to go shopping for supplies soon.” Mark states, looking down to put his fork back into the salad he was eating.

“I’m down, just let me know when.” You nod, shopping with the boys was always fun anyways. Even if it meant spending two and a half hours in a Bass Pro Shop.

“Yeah well make sure you ask your date if he has any particular request for food.” Renjun speaks, taking his attention off his food for a second.

“I’ll do you one better, I’ll bring my date.”

Okay, maybe you shouldn't have said that. But what was with the boys and insinuating you didn’t have a date?

You were going to make them eat their words.

“Great, can’t wait to meet him.” Haechan smirks.

And just like you thought, it had come back to bite you.

Instead of having a week left, you now have to obtain a boy by this weekend. (And somehow drag him to a camping store with you.)

So, out of defenses, you hesitantly asked your co-worker Sungchan.

You two were friends, having grown accustomed to long shifts together and defending each other from the occasional shitty costumer. Plus, you’d much rather take him then some random guy you caught on Tinder or Instagram.

“Camping? Is it like a weekend thing or?”

You nod, hoping he’ll agree.

“You want me to spend two of my precious days off, in the middle of the woods? With a bunch of strangers, bugs, and canned food?”

Your shoulders deflate, pursing your mouth into a thin line. “Yes?”

“I’m down.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah, sounds like an adventure.” He shrugs.

You clap excitedly, “My precious Sungchan, you also have to come to Bass Pro Shop with me.”

He groans, “Whatever, I already agreed.”

And he makes good on his promise, picking you up from your place and coming to the store.

Jaemins the only one there at the designated time, saying something about the others being on the way. So you just make small talk as the rest gradually arrive. Jaemins quick to fall into conversation with the other, which is a good sign.

Jeno and Haechan arrive together, the latter making a commotion of your date.

“So this is the one?” Haechan says, not-so-subtly scanning over Sungchan’s body.

“Quit checking him out!” You whine. Noting how Haechan was trying to feel up on Sungchans arms. Looking like he was about to snatch him for himself.

You weren’t dumb, you know Sungchan’s good looking, he’s never been shy about saying it either. And you can tell the boys were astounded he even showed, not to mention how undeniably attractive he was.

But you don’t expect him to get along with everyone so well. Thirty minutes in and he was already on Mark and Jaemin’s good side. The two aren’t particularly difficult to please, but you were surprised to see that he had won over Renjun and Chenle.

The rest of the boys got along with him fine, minus Jeno.

He was acting really weird about the whole thing. The least friendly to Sungchan, and just overall had a short fuse with him. He had probably sensed something off about him, which you found to be weird.

So in the middle of the fishing rod aisle,(You guys didn’t even need one), You pulled him aside from the rest of the group. Wanting to get down to the root of the problem, because you weren't the only one who had noticed. Jisung had even remarked how Jeno seemed to be in a bad mood, but he was talking to everyone else just fine, so it seemed Sungchan was the problem.

“Is everything ok?” You ask, eyes full of worry. “You’ve been shooting Sungchan dirty looks the whole time.”

He stays quiet, pretending to be interested in some product on the aisle end cap. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Don’t act stupid Jeno.” You warn, “What’s wrong?”

“Just not a fan of him.” He shrugs, turning to walk back towards the group.

You just shake it off, it wasn’t you problem. Jeno was your friend yes, but if he was going to act indifferent about this, then so be it. You had your own things to worry about.

Going back to Sungchan’s side, you tap his shoulder. He was listening to Mark ramble on about a fishing line, you once again point out how you don’t need any type of fishing gear. Mark just ignores you and starts shoving reels in Renjun’s face, much to the latter’s displeasure.

“Your friends are cool.” Sungchan speaks, “They seem to like me.”

“Told you they were fun!” You tease, glad he was making a good first impression. If things kept going good, maybe you could invite Sungchan around more often. He did always mention that he’d like more friends.

Jeno’s face sours as he watches from afar. You leaning into Sungchan, had you always been so touchy? He shakes his head and turns away.

About thirty minutes later, you’re all ready to head to checkout. Thankful you had another set of arms to help carry the cooler and sleeping bags you were buying.

Placing the stuff down, you laugh. “This much for two days?”

“Haechan’s sleeping bag caught on fire last time, remember?” Chenle comments. You do remember, it was not pretty.

Sungchan looks confused and you explain, recalling that Haechan was laying too close to the fire long after everyone else had gone to bed. Remembering that it wasn’t just him in the sleeping bag as well..

Haechan stops you from recanting the whole thing, saying how he’d beat you up if you boyfriend wasn’t right there. You scoff at the accusation and Sungchan laughs. But everyone catches on to how you two don’t outright deny it.

You weren’t thinking too much, not even noticing how neither of you had said no. Sungchan was cool, and sure you had thought of him that way before, but he was definitely not your boyfriend right now. You didn’t shy away from the prospect though, and it seemed like he didn’t either.

Jeno’s brows furrow, you two were a thing? He thought you guys were just friends, he turns away, not wanting to look at you two any longer. He didn’t know why, but he felt somewhat possessive of you. And he definitely did not like Sungchan.

You all walk out of the store, proud of your successful trip when Renjun suggests you all go out to dinner. You nervously smile, “Sungchan and I were actually planning to watch a movie at my place.”

“Nice,” Haechan smiles, “Let’s meet at yours then!”

You groan, and the others just teasingly smile at you, knowing that was not what you had meant. “As long as someones buying snacks cause I don’t have shit.”

“On it!” Jaemin responds, already in his car.

That’s how you find yourselves all back at your place, an improper movie night to commence after Jisung and Chenle stop fighting over what movie to watch.

Heading to the kitchen for some chips, you’re met with only Jeno in there. Digging through a bag of Jolly Ranchers for his favorite.

“I ate all the cherry ones.” You say, poking at his shoulders, knowing he loved those as much as you did.

He smiles, not responding. Until he pulls out one, a cherry one. You perk up at that, you thought you had eaten all of them ages ago.

“Oh, for me? Thanks.” Sarcasm donning your voice, but still going to reach for it anyways.

He snatches it back, “Go ask Sungchan for one.” Jealousy seemingly apparent in his voice, confusing you.

“You suck.” You state bluntly, until he unwraps the candy and places it in front of your mouth.

“Want it?” He asks, gesturing it more towards you, eyebrows raised.

You narrow your eyes, “..Yes.”

“Open wide then.”

You scrunch your nose, he wanted to feed it to you? ‘No thanks.” Is all you say before walking away.

But then you feel a hand clasp around your wrist, turning you back. Jeno stares at you blankly, then repeating. “I said open.”

Curiously, you open your mouth slightly. Just enough to get the candy. Jeno brings the cherry flavored candy to your lips. He smirks, grabbing your chin, he holds you in place. “Wider,” He commands, and you follow.

He slips the candy in, along with two of his fingers, and you close your lips around them. He stares at you, and you look down at the floor. You had never seen this side of Jeno before, the Jeno you knew always carefree and smiling, far different from the one in front of you. You were a bit scared but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t a bit turned on.

With newly acquired confidence, you shove his fingers farther into your mouth. His eyes widen and you gag, the candy hitting the back of your throat. But you progress, slowly sliding your mouth off his fingers, releasing them with a pop.

Swirling the rest of the candy in your mouth, you smile. “Mm yummy.”

Though your hearts beating like crazy, shivering at the close proximity between you and Jeno. He walks forward, backing you into the counter. You two just stare at each other, and you swear he’s about to lean in. Until the sound of approaching footsteps is heard.

You and Jeno separate, you going back to your mission for chips and him to pour a glass of water. Trying to steady your nerves and not give away to the person what the two of you were doing.

Sungchan pokes his head into the area, “Hey we decided on a movie, I left you a spot next to me.”

You grin, “Okay, let’s go.”

Watching you leave the area with your hand around Sungchan’s bicep, Jeno wants to puke.

In fact, his urge to vomit only gets stronger as he continues to watch you cuddle up to the other boy all night. After the little display earlier, you still had the nerve to hang onto Sungchan?

The movies a devastatingly long one, some of the boys filtering out before its even ended. Mark mutters something about how its getting late, wanting to leave before he passes out on your tiny love seat.

And just like that, only four of you remain. Jaemin’s strewn out on the floor, fast asleep, as is Sungchan on the arm of your sofa. You and Jeno are the only one’s still awake, though you’re unable to move as Sungchan constantly stirs in his sleep.

The last thing you want to do is wake him, but his phone does just that. Vibrating in his pocket, he lazily opens his eyes. Seeing the time as well, he shoots up, “Shit, I have to go.” He says, eyes widening as he heads towards the front of your place, grabbing his jacket and searching for his shoes.

He bids you goodbye and you make him promise to text you when he gets home safely, to which he agrees with a smile. “Have a good night.” He says, kissing your forehead before heading out the door.

You grin at the kiss, watching as he makes his way out.

Jaemin’s snoring knocks you out of your trance, closing the door behind you.

Jeno appears in the hall, “I can drag him home.” He suggests.

Shaking your head, you look over at him. He did seem rather comfortable on your floor. “He seems fine. I’ll get him a blanket.”

Jeno nods and fishes for his keys on your counter. “It’s late, I’ll head out.”

“Jaemin’s staying, why don’t you just stay too?” You ask. It was a completely normal thing for the boys to stay over, they were all welcomed to any time. You know the others left just from desire to sleep comfortably in their own beds.

Jeno and Jaemin were no strangers to staying the night either, the three of you hung out often late into the night. You don’t know why Jeno was in a hurry to leave anyways, he would normally just agree to crash on your couch.

“I don’t know..” He trails.

“Why not?” You sputter, confused as your patience for his attitude began to grow thin. “You’ve been acting weird all day! What’s got you all hot and bothered?!”

“You really wanna know?” He asks, condescendingly. Like you should know what you did wrong.

“Do I? Yes I would like to know what has had you being an asshole all day!”

He just laughs at that, only causing you to get more annoyed. Contemplating if to tell the truth or not, he watches you grow more impatient.

“I just don’t like Sungchan.”

“Well no shit,” You throw your hands up. “You already told me!”

He shrugs in defeat, like it was no big deal he had been so rude to him.

“I just wanna know why!” You speak again.

“I could tell you.” He says, inching closer. “But I could show you a lot better.”

“What?” You’re cut off by Jeno pulling you into a kiss. Completely surprised by the turn of events, but you welcome it. His hands finding their way into your hair.

You pull away, “Jeno, what are we doing?” And you meant it. What was this sudden behavior? Would this ruin your friendship? Could you two be normal after this? Was he even going to go all the way?

“Tell me to stop.” He whispers indifferently. “Tell me you don’t want this.”

“Jaemin’s in the living room.” You caution, scared to wake him, though you ignore Jenos statement. “But I want this.”

“Then we better take this to your room.”

And the moment you nod in agreement, he pulls you away to your bedroom. You two stumbling as he attempts to kiss you on the way there. He closes the door behind you, pushing you against it as he meets your mouth again.

It’s messy and uncoordinated, his sheer desire for you taking over. Teeth clashing and tongues strewn. He pulls back from the kiss and begins fervently attacking your neck.

“Please Jeno,” You whine, aching for him to continue. “Need you.”

“To what?” He teases, lifting up from your neck.

You want to scream. Of course he was going to make you say it, this was Jeno you were talking to. And he truly wanted nothing more than to hear the words slip past your mouth.

“Touch me.” You beg, wishing he would cut it out with the teasing.

“Where?” He continues. Moving his hands down your body, “Here?”

You shake your head, “N-No.”

You grab his hand bravely and place it on the front of your pants. He begins rubbing you through your jeans, the fabric roughly brushing up against you.

“I wanna hear you say it.” He smiles, “That you want me to touch you. And not Sungchan.”

You roll your eyes, he was still on about this? Sungchan was the last thing on your mind right now, the first being your aching wetness and Jeno’s stubbornness to relieve it.

“W-want,” You stutter as he begins to unzip your pants, “Want you to touch me.”

“Mhmm,” He nods. “Because you’re mine.”

You whimper at the contact of his hands rubbing you through your panties. Attempting to suppress a moan from falling past your lips. His possessiveness was such a turn on to you, and you didn’t even know why.

“So wet,” He comments, “Just from a little kissing. Are you sure I’m the one who’s never been in a relationship?”

Annoyed, you turn away blushing, “Shut up.”

Jeno just chuckles as you press against his shoulders, signaling for him to stop. “Wait, don’t wanna do it against the wall. Want to be on the bed.”

“So demanding.”

And with that, he moves you to lay down on your bed. He beings kissing you again, tugging at the hem of your shirt and you raise your hands to let him remove it off you. Although you had taken note that Jeno was still fully clothed.

“Not fair, you should take off your shirt.” You pout, and he rushes to take it off, revealing his chiseled body to you. You gawk at him in his shirtless glory, upset you hadn’t thought to see it sooner, well at least you were seeing it now.

“Close your mouth, you’ll catch flies.” He teases again, going to kiss you before you can spout some smart remark.

He recedes back, lowering himself down to be met with your dripping cunt. He slides your panties down, slowly pulling them off your ankles with his teeth. You prop yourself up on your elbows to see, and you had to admit, its hot.

Jeno nibbles on your thigh, eliciting a yelp from you before he starts rubbing his thumb over your folds. “All for me.” He smirks proudly.

Sticking his tongue out, he licks a thin stripe on your clit, you letting out a loud string of moans. “Jeno- Please.”

He moves to stick a finger in, you clenching harshly around it.

“So tight.” He hisses, adding another finger in. Causing you to wail out in pleasure. It felt so good, you hadn’t been touched in a while.

He continues like this, whispering praises into your ear as he seems indifferent, “You’re doing so well, sucking my fingers into this pretty cunt.”

You’re feeling the coil in your stomach, embarrassingly close to cumming at the brutal pace of his fingers inside you, when he slips them out.

“Want you to cum on my tongue.” He explains before you can even protest.

Nodding, you’re met with his mouth back on your clit, his tongue harshly lapping against you. You unconsciously reach for his hair, pulling strongly on it, causing him to let out a moan against your heat.

“Pull harder.” He demands, and you oblige. One hand in his hair and the other gripping your sheets. Your hips start to lift off the bed in pleasure, as he holds you down by your legs, your shaking form struggling to stay still.

“Jeno, Please, please I’m so close,” You plead as he continues to eat you out like a starved man.

“Do it baby, cum for me.” He assures, and you moan at his words. The affect he had on you was insane. You had never been so shaken up over getting head before.

You reach your climax shortly after, a wave of white washing over you as you let out a final string of moans. Jeno’s movements barely even faltering as you finish on his face.

He pulls away, moving to stand up and goes to wash his face in your connected bathroom. You’re a bit put off by his sudden change in mood, but you calm your breathing and start searching for your bottoms on the floor, as well as your shirt.

Jeno emerges from the bathroom and you silently hand him his shirt, when you notice he’s sporting a complete boner.

“You look like you could use some help.” You announce, smirking.

He shakes his head though, “I can take care of this at home.”

Huh? What was he talking about?

“Let me return the favor.” You state, “I’m eager to please.”

But he remains the same, “It’s fine.”

And he walks past you, opening the door out of your room. Leaving you more than just a little confused. Was he regretting what happened? Why wouldn’t he accept your offer to touch him? What kind of guy turns down head?

You avoid eye contact. “Oh.. Ok. Have a safe trip home.”

You want the earth to crack open and swallow you whole. He nods and makes his way past a sleeping Jaemin and out your front door.

Not wanting to be alone, you sit on the other couch opposite of your friend.

That’s when he sits up. “You two are so gross.”

“You were awake?” You ask, mouth agape.

“You guys woke me! Maybe try and keep it down next time!” He scolds, until he notices the look on your face. “Is something wrong? Did you not want to do it?”

You wave your hands, “No! No, I did. It’s just that when I offered to do something for him, he rejected me. I don’t know- I feel gross.”

He shakes his head, “Jeno’s like that, he doesn’t know how to express his feelings, I’m sorry he made you feel that way.”

You just nod, “Please don’t tell anyone about this.” And he agrees, swearing to not say a word, and you couldn’t have been more grateful.

You ignore Jeno for the next couple of days, purposefully. Whether it was to save yourself from embarrassment, or from your feelings? You didn’t know.

You wish you hadn’t acted so carelessly, to let yourself get carried away in his bliss, knowing you could never have him in the way you wanted.

You were also unsure of how Jeno would react to being around you after that. You didn’t even know if you would be confident in your actions around him. Would you be able to look him in the eye? Or even worse, what if he had told your friends? What if Jaemin had, despite his swearing to secrecy?

Haechan would be a nightmare.

But you push those thoughts to the back of your mind as Sungchan calls for your attention. You two were at your place, packing for the trip. Water bottles and his awful trail mix bars being shoved in your backpacks.

You were leaving today, you breathe in. A weekend you were looking forward to how now left you unsure. But if worse came to worse, Sungchan would be there.

Over the past couple of days, you had done a lot of thinking. Not just about you and Jeno, but about the other boys as well.

You realized that you and Sungchan were nothing beyond a clingy pair of friends, and that’s all you felt for him, a sense of friendship. Whatever uncertainty you had was gone. You knew he didn’t make you feel the way Jeno did. And it wasn’t just because of the interaction either.

You had feelings for Jeno, that was certain.

You assume you’ve had them for a while too, it wasn’t until you sat down and acknowledged that you would consider a relationship with him, did you realize.

But it was all too much, too fast.

Engaging in those activities with him, knowing he likely only saw you as a friend? Too much to bear. So you knew you had to keep your distance from him as far as possible. You knew these feelings were likely to pass too, you just had to wait it out.

Because if there was something else you realized, it was that he didn’t feel the same. And why would he? You weren’t anything like the girls he’s gone for. You weren’t anything like Sumin. Not to mention his reluctance to let you touch him, (which was the root of your embarrassment), after he had eaten you out. You understood he just wanted to have a little fun with you, nothing more.

Plus, if his past record of no girlfriends meant anything, it was that he couldn’t be bothered to be tied down. So you weren’t going to begin to feed into the delusional idea that he could be your boyfriend, it would only just end up hurting you that much more.

Sungchan pulls you from your thoughts as he announces its time to leave, and you smile. He helps you pack your things into the car and you two shake with enthusiasm during the entire thirty minute ride. Though you’re not looking forward to hiking the rest of the way to the campsite; A necessary evil.

Sungchan doesn’t complain too much though, smiling as he reads off the printed map for directions. You didn’t get much service out here, and you weren’t going to take any chances getting lost.

It didn’t help that you two were late, noting that all your friends had arrived by the time you reached the sites with your tents and backpacks in tow.

You see Jaemin and his girl sitting on logs, whispering something into each others ear as they giggle. Her legs resting over his lap.

To their right is Renjun and Chenle arguing over something random, with their respective dates behind them, both looking extremely confused.

Mark is setting up a tent with his date, Jisung and his date helping them hold the poles steadily. Mark stumbling as he trips over one of the mounts.

Haechan emerges from his tent upon the others announcing your arrival, saying something about his date being passed out in their tent.

Jeno and Sumin are no where to be found, and you try not to ask about it.

Though, Jaemin approaches you the minute Sungchan leaves your side. “They went exploring. Whatever that means.” He speaks, and you don’t even have to ask him who he’s talking about.

You just nod and ask him for a drink. “You’ve been here for five minutes!” He recoils, like he can’t believe you asked him that.

“Well its unfair of you to expect me to tolerate Haechan for an entire weekend without a drink.” You tease, the aforementioned male coming to whine.

Sungchan returns with two drinks in hand, you thanking him as he passes you one. He then places his hand on the small of your back, the boys in front of you not missing a beat.

“Woah, did you two hook up or something?” Haechan speaks, never one to censor himself.

“None of your business.” You mumble, though you know the two of you hadn't.

“Oo, don’t let Jeno see!” Jisung warns as he passes by.

“Jeno?” Sungchan perks up, “What about him?”

Haechan and Jaemin just look at the each other, “Nothing.”

And with that, the boys leave you and Sungchan.

The two of you deciding to go sit on logs of your own before you have set up your own tent. The silences of the trees swaying overtaking you.

“So,” He starts. “You wanna sleep with me this weekend?”

You almost spit out your drink. “What?”

“We don’t have to!” He retracts. “I just figured.. maybe you’d want to?”

“Sung, we’re friends and we work together. Won’t this make things weird?”

“It doesn’t have to happen again if you don’t want it to. Just thought I’d put it out there.” He shrugs, like it was all so simple. “You’re hot, I’m hot. We’re both single. Both sexually frustrated. So why not?”

You look to the ground, “I don’t know..”

“Actually, I’m sorry I asked, I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

You didn’t feel pressured though, and Sungchan was somewhat right. You did invite him out here with a inkling of hope that maybe you could bed him. Who wouldn’t want to anyways? You hadn't had sex in a while, and your attractive friend was ready and willing. So what if you had feelings for Jeno? They would pass. You should have a little fun. Fuck it.

“Okay,” You speak. “I’d like that.”

He smiles, “Perfect.”

You’re about to respond when you hear the crunching of leaves behind you, Jeno and Sumin emerging from the bushes, hand in hand.

Were the two together? You feel your smile falter a bit before you look away, Jeno didn’t owe you anything. And you knew the type of guy he was, who was to say he was going to even commit to Sumin?

“There you two are!” Renjun says walking towards them. “Thought you’d gotten ravaged by a bear!”

“Oh, Jeno ravaged something..” Haechan comments, suggestively.

Jeno shakes his head at the insinuation, Sumin eyes flickering over to you. “Hey! You made it!”

“Yes!” You say, moving to hug her. Then you notice her eyes landing on Sungchan, and she starts practically eye-fucking him proudly. And he looks somewhat into it? You see that Jeno notices too, as he wavers his attention.

“This is Sungchan.” You say, as she moves to introduce herself to him.

“I’m Sumin! Jeno’s friend.”

The air grows heavy as she says that, Jeno looking dejected and everyone else looking confused. So they weren’t together then?

You just shrug, going to bother Mark and his date, who still can’t get the tent up. “Need help?”

Mark’s date looks at you in relief, “Please! Mark told his other friend that we could do it.. but we’re having a hard time..”

“I got you,” You speak, noticing something off. “He’s doing it wrong.”

Mark sighs, “Damn,” He looks down. “You had to call me out in front of my date. I’m gonna go tell Sungchan about the time you threw up in Renjun’s mouth.”

“Don’t you dare!” You say, moving to chase after Mark as he begins running in the opposite direction, tent long forgotten. “You’re lying!”

“No I’m not! Haechan was there too!”

“I was where?” Haechan yells, wondering what all the commotion is.

You and Mark stop, hands on your knees as you pant out. Tired from chasing the boy around in circles, you try and catch your breath.

“Don’t,” Pant. “Listen,” Pant. “To him.”

“Remember that night we played spin the bottle?” Mark begins, still breathless.

The others begin to gather around, drawn to the scene by Haechans loud voice. “Yeah I do.” He starts. “When you and I kissed?”

“You what?!” Jaemin exclaims, “Wait, why was I not invited?”

“Haechan and I did not kiss!” Mark laughs, and you giggle, knowing full well that he was lying to save face.

Haechan shrugs, “Whatever you say.”

“The point is that Renjun got thrown up on.”

Renjun cringes, “I don’t like to think about that.”

“Wait by who?” Jeno asks, not amused.

“By her!” Mark says, wagging his finger at you. “Damn near threw up in Renjun’s mouth, she pulled away just in time.”

“You kissed Renjun?” Jeno asks, surprise evident on his face.

You ignore him, what was the big deal anyways? It was spin the bottle, you were all drunk, and it landed on you and Renjun. Who cares?

“Mark that happened months ago!” You protest, “I didn’t know my limits.”

“It should’ve been me!” Haechan whines, faking a wound to his chest.

“You wanted to get thrown up on? Or to kiss Renjun?” Mark asks, and it was definitely a necessary question but Haechan just flips him off as he walks away.

The others just laugh and you turn to walk away but are stopped by Jeno pulling you aside. He drags you a few steps into the trees, far enough from everyone else that you two could have a private conversation.

“Who all have you kissed?” He asks.

“Huh?”

“Answer the question.”

“No, I don’t want to.” You state, confused on his attitude. “You’ve got some nerve to come over here and ask me that, considering how bitchy you’ve been.”

“Me? You’re the one who’s acting childish and ignoring me.”

“So what?” You spout. “And why do you care who I’ve kissed anyways?”

“I don’t.” He says, “I guess I just thought I was the first one of us to kiss you.”

“Oh,” You say, fire rising in your chest. “So that makes me worth less to you? Knowing I’ve kissed Mark, Renjun, and Jaemin before I kissed you?”

“No it doesn’t.” He replies. “But it does make me jealous.”

You scoff, “Jealous? You have no right, especially not after you left me all confused the other day! You made me feel like I did something wrong.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You just walked out. Was I that disgusting that you didn’t want me to touch you? You made me feel like shit when you left like that. I don’t deserve to feel that way.”

“Woah woah,” He stops you. “Back it up, disgusting? You’ve got it all wrong.”

“Well what was I supposed to think?”

He’s silent for a moment as he tries to think of what to say. “That’s not why I walked out. The truth is, I didn’t want you to feel pressured, and I felt like I was pushing boundaries and-”

“I said I wanted it, I wanted nothing more than to touch you after that and you just blew me off.” You state. “It’s like you pulled me in to just push me away.”

“I’m so sorry,” He apologies, “I had no idea you felt that way.”

“Jeno,” You start, here goes nothing. “I have to be transparent with you, okay?”

“Okay..” He trails.

You couldn’t do this anymore, you couldn’t pretend.

“Please don’t lead me on anymore. I have feelings for you, and it hurts for you to act like this with me.” Your chest weighs heavy and you await his response.

“You have feelings for me?”

“Don’t make me say it again.” You mumble, unable to make eye contact with the male beside you. You had thought it was completely obvious.

“I do too.”

You look up at him, “What?”

“Why do you think I asked for your help in the first place?”

“Because you needed a date?” You ask, confused.

He smiles, “My plan was never to get another date. I was hoping maybe at the end, I could just ask you. But then we ran into Sumin, and you found Sungchan and it all happened so fast, I just lost hope.”

“I’m jealous knowing that our other friends have kissed you before, because I always imagined I’d be the first. In a world where I wasn’t too much of a pussy to ask you out.” Jeno continues, crunching sticks beneath his feet. “Instead I thought this stupid idea could get me somewhere. I was an idiot to think you wouldn’t have a date in the palm of your hand awaiting your call.”

You stay silent as he gathers his thoughts. He leans against a tree, “I’ve never had a girlfriend because I’ve been waiting for you, all the guys know and that’s why the tease me.”

Your head is spinning, that was why? He didn’t date other girls because of you? This couldn’t be true, how had you not seen it all this time?

“Well, more like waiting for me to grow the balls to ask you out. ‘Cause the time never felt right. But now, seeing you with Sungchan, seeing the way he looks at you. It felt like if I didn’t do something now, I’d lose you. But I acted even worse, and I made you think I didn’t like you in the process. I’m sorry, I’ve acted like a total jerk, but I won’t you let you go another minute thinking I don’t want you.”

You’re speechless at his confession, everything made sense now. Why he was so reluctant with Sumin. Why he really didn’t like Sungchan. It all fell together.

“Jeno,” You smile. “Just kiss me.”

And he does, but it’s different this time. It’s slow and passionate, like a kiss is supposed to be. It’s not messy and needy like before, no it’s the opposite.

But it felt right, it felt better.

“Tell me honestly,” He says as he pulls away, going to stroke your hair. “Am I a better kisser than Jaemin?”

Mood ruined.

You hit his chest, “Are you serious? You finish kissing the life out of me and then you ask me that? Romance is dead.”

He laughs, but you can tell he’s still awaiting your response. “In all fairness, I can’t really say. That night was embarrassing. I took his shirt off and then we cringed and vowed to never speak of it again.”

“So you’re not in love with Renjun, Mark, or Jaemin?” He asks, for clarification.

“No, I swear.” You tease. “You’re the only idiot I’m dumb enough to like. But who’s to say that you’re not in love with Sumin?”

“Sumin? How much do you want to bet that her and Sungchan are hooking up right now.” Jeno asks, and you had completely forgot about Sungchan.

“Oh no! Sungchan!”

“What?”

“Sungchan expected to come out here and get laid.” You pause, nervous of Jeno’s reaction.

But he seems understanding. “I had the same agreement with Sumin.”

Before you can respond, his eyes widen. “But you’re not going to anymore right?”

“No!” Rolling your eyes you look away. Though you smirk as you tug on his belt loop. “But do you plan on letting me get your pants off tonight?”

“Wow, you’re horny.”

“Shut up!” You pout, “Come on, lets go out there and hope that our dates decided they like each other more than us.”

Jeno nods his head and follows suit, the two of you returning from the trees to find some of the boys building a fire.

“It’s not even dark.” You quirk an eyebrow.

“No but Chenle has an app that says sunset is in an hour.” Jaemin responds. Poor boy never knows what’s going on. “Anyways, where are yall’s dates? I thought you were with them.”

“No?” Jeno questions, furrowing his eye brows.

“Oh, well they disappeared like twenty minutes ago.”

You and Jeno look at each other, mentally celebrating. You’re glad that Sungchan had found some way to get laid this weekend, maybe not in the way he expected but, a win is a win. “You two look suspicious, whats going on? Please try and keep it down if you two decide to get freaky again.”

Jeno looks shocked at that, “You know?”

“I was there, and you two weren’t exactly quiet.” Jaemin deadpans, nose scrunching as he recalls the nights events. “You were all ‘Mmm yes so tight.’ I wanted to die.”

Oh god, he had heard all that? Why didn’t Jeno look embarrassed? You wanted to melt.

“Well,” Jeno says, pulling you closer to him by your waist. “There’s more where that came from, maybe try and wear earplugs.”

Your face grows hot as Jaemin starts complaining, “So what, are you two together now or?”

And a glint of hope appears in your eyes, “I’d like to be your girlfriend, you know. Your first.” You tease.

Jeno grins, “And I’d love to be your boyfriend.”

Jaemin gags at the scene, “Quit being gross and come help me start this fire.”

Your now-boyfriend Jeno moves to help Jaemin, Haechan approaching the three of you. “Woo! I heard from back there! Congrats Jeno!”

Chuckling, Jeno looks over at you, proud to know that you were officially his.

Though Renjun approaches the scene, “What about the others? Sungchan and whats-her-name?”

“Sumin.” You correct. “I don’t even know, they ran off apparently.”

“Wait, just to clarify.” Jeno speaks up. “We’re kicking them out of our tents right?”

“Duh.”

The night comes shortly after. All of you, including your former dates, gathered around the campfire. And you’re glad to see Sungchan looks smitten with Sumin, you shooting him a thumbs up as he sees Jeno’s hand on your thigh.

He knew the entire time, he wasn’t stupid, he was just waiting for the two of you to realize.

Seems like you were the only one who didn’t know of Jeno’s feelings for you.

The boys steadily trickle out, retreating to the comfort of their tents. Tired and red eye looking, but as you hear noises out of Haechan’s tent, you know they’re doing anything but sleeping.

You and Jeno bid the others goodnight, him helping you up and into the tent he so graciously put up himself.

You giggle as he attempts to slip into his sleeping bag, “You don’t actually plan on sleeping do you?”

He looks at you like a deer caught in the headlights. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” You say, grinning slyly. “You still haven’t let me see what’s under the belt, baby.”

To be honest, you were really turned on by Jeno right now. Especially now, upon finding out he sleeps shirtless, you needed him so bad. Your mind couldn’t even think straight with him like this.

You’re cut from your daze at a loud moan that rips through the air, presumably coming from another tent. “Freaks.” You scoff, acting like you’re different.

A smile happens upon Jeno’s face. “I bet we can be louder.”

Grinning back, you feel yourself getting wetter. “Challenge accepted.”

He starts kissing up on your neck, making your arousal leak out even more. You’re set in his lap, grinding against him, and you can feel him hard under you.

You had to get those sweats off.

You were a little shaky undoing his pants, his cock pretty in the light. Long and with a bulging vein on the underside. You moan at the sight of it, not wanting to wait to get it inside you.

And there’s not a single regret donning your tongue as you lap up Jeno’s thick cock. Precum was gathered at the base, pink and glistening. And it looked so good, too good even.

He moans out in ecstasy, truly not caring who heard. He thought this was the hottest thing ever, he had dreamed of this for so long, and now he was allowing himself to have it. To revel in you and you pretty eyes that looked up at him as you gag around him. All of it was nearly enough to finish him.

“No no, stop. Don’t wanna cum yet.” He pleads, but you barely let up. His hands resting on your head, unconsciously pushing it down. Until he gains strength to pull you off, bringing you up to meet his mouth. Jeno had waited too long for this for him to cum without being inside you first.

He pulls you into a messy kiss, tongues clashing and saliva dripping out. He fondles your breasts through your shirt, then moves to pull at the hem.

“Off.” He begs, and you oblige. His mouth immediately lands on your nipple, latching his hand onto the other, twisting and sucking fervently.

“S-So good.” You let out, loving the way he was treating you. But you were impatient, and you had enough of the teasing.

“Need you in me Jeno..” You whine, pouting as he ignores you. He stays how he is for a few more seconds until he releases you from his mouth.

He quickly goes to remove his bottoms fully, as well as yours. And you felt your wetness pooling by the second. “I can’t wait anymore, need to fuck you.”

And you’re glad, as you watch him line up his pretty cock with your entrance, you were sure you could finish from the sight alone.

“Fuck..” He moans out, throwing his head back in pleasure as he slips into you. Wet and warm, he never wants to leave. He bottoms out, tip hitting your cervix as he asks for permission to move and you nod your head, desperate.

You loved the way he stretched you out, unable to hide the string of moans that left your mouth. He felt so good inside you as his tip kissed your g-spot with every thrust.

He rubs his thumb on your clit as you moan even louder. “Yes! Don’t stop! Mm.”

“It’s always been you.” He chokes out. “Always wanted you under me like this.” And you can’t deny the heat that it sends straight to your core, causing you to clench around him. “Better than I could have imagined.”

He doesn’t let up, desire taking over him as he bullies his cock into your cunt at a brutal pace. He was truly unlike anyone you had ever been with before.

He rubs his thumb on your clit as he thrusts into you, bringing you the most pleasure you’re sure you’ve felt in your life.

He silences your moans with a kiss, swallowing them into his mouth. Your arms clawing at his back, which was sure to leave marks. He slows his thrusts and you can tell hes getting close.

“It’s okay, I’m close too. Cum, cum inside.”

His eyes widen as he hears your words, this was a dream come true.

“I-” He sputters, shaking his head.

“I’m on the pill.” You interrupt. “Please Jeno, please, need your cum in me.”

You moan out that you’re close and he’s right behind you, spilling out his seed into you as you orgasm. Your climax coming on strongly, and you can feel your legs trembling. He bites his lip, grunting as he finishes as well, filling you to the brim.

You and Jeno just heavily breathe, him laying on top you slightly before getting up to remove himself. If it were up to you though, you’d keep him in you all night. Though, Jeno was a man of good hygiene, first and foremost.

You let out a wince as he slides out of you, the empty feeling settling over you.

He grabs a water bottle and pours it into one of the towels in your tent, and you smile, thankful he was going to clean you up. He wipes around your sensitive areas and slips your bottoms on, you still out of breath. You get both of your clothes on and sorted, ready to sleep now.

You’re sharing a moment of silence when your tent starts shaking rapidly, the shadow of two people appearing as you realize its your friends messing with you.

“Could you two be any louder ?!”

“You’re disgusting!”

“Tent’s have thin walls, you know?!”

You just bury your face into Jeno’s chest, laughing at the commotion.

“Leave my girl and I alone!” Jeno shouts out playfully, caressing your head.

My girl?

You could get used to that.

2K notes · View notes

outsideratheart · 1 year

Text

You're Not Funny (Lucy Bronze x reader)

A/N: Here's a little something for you @cpheath

You knew that you would have to play your best in order to beat Chelsea at Stamford bridge and that is exactly what the team did in the first half. Caro’s goal put you ahead in the 4th minute and since that moment Barcelona dominated.

It was text book Barca, plays that you had practiced in training and everything was going great until it wasn’t. The ball had been played forward and Barcelona was on the attack once again. The goal scorer crossed the ball to where you were lurking near the back post. It wasn’t your best header but the ball did land at Frido’s feet only she wasn’t able to get a shot off.

You were ready to reset when you saw her. Lucy was on the floor focusing on her knee. Given the amount of injures recently the dreaded three letters came to mind and panic begin to brew in your gut. Sandra is the first to her but you aren’t far behind her.

“What’s wrong?” You kneel by her side “who was it? Tell me?” You’re ready to take on ten men. Nobody hurts Lucy and gets away with it.

“Alright Rocky, calm down. Nobody touched me. It’s my knee”

The calmness in her voice lets you know the pain was familiar but it didn’t easy the worry in the slightest. Lucy had surgery after the Olympics and you have seen first hand the tole the intensity she play with is taking on it.

The team leaves to two of you be, using this time to discuss a strategy that will see them to the end of the game with a win.

“Sub?” You ask and she nods her head.

You make the change signal to Jonatan and call the medics over. Keira looks over from the group and you shake your head letting her know that Lucy wont be able to continue.

When you’re asked to move you flat out refuse. Your relationship well known so the medics should have known better. Once Lucy is ready she hold her hands out and you help her up. She leans on you as she tries to put weight on her right leg but it’s no use, the joint is too tender though Lucy being the stubborn mule that she is continues to try.

“Baby that’s enough, Torre’s ready and waiting”

Lucy puts almost all her weight on you as you help her to sidelines.

“Carry out every check possible without taking her to the hospital. Entender?”

“Y/N”

“No! You see this” you point to the band on your upper arm “This means I’m the captain and you do as I say when you were that badge and they do what I say when it comes to my team” you trn your attention back to the medics “Every check, entiendes?”

“Entiendo” both medics say in unison. They would never admit it but they were scared of you especially when it came your to protective side.

You had always been good at compartmentalising and it was moments like this when you appreciated it the most. You played the rest of the game with one thing in mind; get the win. At soon as the final whistle blew signalling the end of the game your focus has once again shifted and all you cared about was Lucy but you still had a job to do albeit a small one. The Chelsea players were quiet, of course they were you had just outplayed them in their own stadium. With quick hands shakes and small pleasantries you made you way through the blue team.

Mapi was explaining a part in the game where you could improve when the last Chelsea player shook your hand. Truth is you wasn’t really paying attention, if you had then you might have noticed the Barcelona badge on her coat.

“Well playe— Luce” your handshake soon turns into a reach out and hold of her hand.

She knows what you want to do so she stands in front of you. You give her her once over, not fully believing that she is ok despite her walking and putting her weight back on her right leg.

“See” she does a single leg squat to prove her point but she doesn’t get the reaction she hoped for “look at me go, i’m ready go play another 90 minutes”

“What are you doing! Don’t push it”

“I’m joking”

“You’re not funny! I still want to talk to the medics. Something happened Lucy and I don’t like you joking about”

“Y/N i’m ok” you shake your head “no?” Lucy didn’t understand and you wouldn’t expect her to.

Seeing your partner injured is tough and to see them go through surgery, well it sticks with you. Once they’re back on the pitch they don’t think about what they went though but you remember Lucy’s recovery vividly.

“You don’t get the play this off. I let you do it during and after the Australia game but no more. Your health needs to come first”

“Baby, look at me” Lucy doesn’t care about your surroundings, she cups your face forcing you to look her in the eyes “I’m ok, just a little bit sore. If you don’t believe me you can ask the physios I told them to answer all your questions honestly, we don’t have secrets”

Lucy’s tone lets you know she’s telling the truth but you need the medics to confirm it in order to believe her.

“Hop on” you take a few steps forwards and turn so that you back is facing her.

“I get to ride Y/N Y/L/N”

“You do if you’re telling the truth” you say quietly so only she can hear you. It was a threat but Lucy knew she would get her reward because she was in fact telling you the truth, she was ok.

#Lucy bronze x reader #lucy bronze imagine #Lucy bronze one shot #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso one shot #engwnt x reader #engwnt imagine #engwnt one shot #barcelona femeni one shot #barcelona femeni imagine #barcelona femeni x reader

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3rdsleeper · 2 months

Text

r/s fics rec list!

(simplified by highly specific tropes)

remus does not want sirius paying his rent and sirius is having a normal one

inflations, invitations and flirtations by mblematic

summary: The Li-Lo at Lupin's. In which plenty of people crash on Remus' air mattress after Hogwarts, and Sirius isn't jealous at all. complete - 9k

practical oddities by lurikko

summary: Regulus needs a place to stay, Remus needs to get over Sirius. It’s August 1979 and things are getting out of hands. complete - 47k (ok this one technically they do live together, but its not necessarily remus' first choice iykyk please read it)

how remus got his groove back by RealityShowJunkie

summary: Remus Lupin becomes king of the cockroaches, Fabian Prewett writes a book, Gilderoy Lockhart is a catfish, and Sirius Black realizes he's a fucking idiot. complete - 42k

the son and heir of nothing in particular by aeridionis

summary: Remus is nineteen and tired, now. And he knows that if he and Sirius were ever going to become anything—if Sirius loved Remus the way Remus loves, and will probably always love, him—it already would’ve happened. complete - 23k

frog and toad aren't friends anymore by swordfishtrombones

summary: “Some people just aren’t good flatmates. I wasn’t trying to say I liked Adrian and Mary better than you, or whatever you’re thinking.” Sirius runs a hand through his hair and squints at the streetlight, twisting his mouth like Remus is truly hopeless. “It hurt,” says Sirius, “my feelings.” complete - 10k

an episode of skam (in the sense that remus is avoidant dismissive /j /j)

the lord of desperate longing by reyghost

summary: Sirius has a lot of feelings, Remus has his own issues too, and James is a very good best friend complete - 13k

and only felt good while moving by aeridionis

summary: The summer before university, Sirius falls in love and throws a punch and then he makes a friend. complete - 17k

SHAME by wiltedtddaisy (taotu)

summary: Sirius has some figuring-things-out to do. He’s not sure if Remus helps or makes things worse. complete - 82k

angle of doubt by mblematic

summary: The Map had been going missing. Or—not missing, exactly. Sirius always knew where it was; Remus had been spiriting it away. Which, it should be said, was fine. Really. complete - 9k

a bird at your door by moongnome

summary: Of pub quizzes, old films, Chinese takeaways, broken arms, and impassioned discussions of literature: Remus is confusing, and Sirius is just trying to figure him out. complete - 31k

if you're the bassist, and i'm the lead singer, then who’s flying this plane?

the cadence of part-time poets by motswolo

summary: After losing his mother at age eleven, Remus has spent the better part of the last four years bouncing from school to school or else running around London and pretending as though he wasn't the kind of well-bred boy his father brought him up to be. Now, with his chances all run out, Remus is sent to Hawkings Independent School as a last-ditch effort to clean up his act. There he meets the very people who will set up the rest of his life, and is forced to confront the pieces of himself he'd long thought had been lost. complete - 979k

dress up in you by MsKingBean89

summary: Sirius attends a charity rock gig organised by his best friend's girlfriend, and the tall, quiet bassist catches his eye... complete - 88k (ok sirius is not in a band in this one but please just go with it)

sirius black & the six by BellaBabe

summary: Remus shrugged. “Not much for the spotlight.” “Right,” Sirius drawled. “I bet you’re also not much for the rock ‘n roll perks.” Remus tensed, sparing Sirius a scathing glance. “I’m sober now.” Sirius quirked a brow in disbelief. complete - 79k

saturday nights and sunday mornings by SoupyGeorge

summary: A story about music and family, the price of fame and finding love somewhere completely unexpected. (its an arctic monkeys au) complete - 121k

sirius black learns the meaning of true love. remus lupin does too but in a much more put together and chill way

a series of sketches done in black ink by musntgetmy

summary: Sirius had always imagined the aftermath of falling in love would mean lightness, and an escape from all the horrors of his childhood. But the past never leaves, and even love can't stop bad memories from resurfacing. complete - 57k

dissonance by renaissance

summary: Remus searches for solace in all the likely places, but somehow he keeps coming back to Sirius Black. Featuring sad acoustic indie, spearmint gum, and irresponsible usage of social media. complete - 4k

the time when you were mine by renaissance

summary: the walk from Grimmauld Place to Parliament Hill is just under an hour, but it's easier going at four in the morning complete - 9k

as red as hearts and autumn by Rosie_Rues

summary: it's the autumn of sixth year, theres a flu epidemic at Hogwarts, and the Blacks want their heir back. complete - 43k

#fic recs #do people still make these? wtv #wolfstar fic rec #wolfstar #remus lupin #sirius black #hp fic rec #marauders

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nalyra-dreaming · 4 months

Text

Found an old interview, with a few juicy bits

(and a lot we knew already)

The blood tasted like "Sour Patch Kid" (lol):

The three of them had dancing lessons.... 👀

And Jacob wants to see Louis in the 80s!!! (And we know Sam got his wish^^)

Also kinda sad that Bailey won't be able to explore those hairstyles, but... anyways it's long , so the rest under the cut:

Interview with Jacob Anderson, Sam Reid and Bailey Bass

Posted on October 2, 2022 by TvMegasite Admin

TV Interview!

Interview with Jacob Anderson, Sam Reid and Bailey Bass of “Interview with The Vampire” on AMC and AMC+ by Suzanne 9/29/22

This was a fun roundtable with the three stars of this great new vampire show. If you love vampire shows, or the Anne Rice novels, you should love this show. It’s very well done, and these actors are great in it. Jacob plays Louie, and we see the story through his eyes as told to ailing reporter Daniel Molloy (Eric Bogosian, who’s outstanding as always). Sam Reid plays LeStat, the seductive vamp that turns Louie and becomes his friend, lover, mentor, etc. Bailey plays Claudia, the young woman that joins them. They were very kind and fun to interview.

Suzanne: Hi, I’m Suzanne Lanoue from TVMEG.com, and I’ve watched the first episode. I didn’t get screeners till this morning, so I only got to watch the first one so far, but I’m really enjoying it. It just grabs you and drags you in. So, congratulations on being renewed for season two already, which is great. Do you know when you’ll be starting to film season two, or have you already started filming it?

JACOB ANDERSON: We haven’t started. We haven’t started shooting, no.

SAM REID: Probably, I don’t know if we can say anything. [Laughs]

Suzanne: Have they told you yet?

JACOB ANDERSON: They haven’t not told us anything.

Suzanne: [Chuckles} OK, well, thank you!

Jamie from SCIFI VISION: Hi, I’m Jamie Ruby from SciFi Vision. Thanks for talking to us today, I really enjoyed the first five episodes that we’ve seen. So, for the three of you, can you kind of talk about how you balanced what you pulled from the book versus what you added with your own spin on it?

SAM REID: Hello, Jamie, I’ll answer that. No. But I would say that anything for myself and my character, my own spin probably came from my own interpretation of the books and Rolins’ work. So, I wasn’t really trying to put any of my own spin on it. It’s just how I imagined it to be, really.

JACOB ANDERSON: Yeah. I second that. It’s like, you will always view a character through your own lens to an extent and then it’s just kind of, I mean, I guess with anything, it’s like, do other do the other creative people like that, and do they want to discuss it? But you don’t want to mess with this. Like the combination of Anne Rice’s writing and Rolins’ writing, you don’t really want to touch it, you don’t want to just sort of throw your own stuff in just for the sake of it.

SAM REID: They’re so dense already the characters that it sort of would be a shame to try and deviate too much of thing.

JACOB ANDERSON: What could you possibly add?

SAM REID: Yeah.

BAILEY BASS: I feel the exact same way. It’s really, yes, we were cast because there’s something special in us that Rolin and the entire team really enjoyed when we were doing our auditions. But other than that, it’s really just doing the research and the book, reading the scripts, doing our own technique, and then just coming and creating in this world.

Jamie: Okay, great. Thank you so much.

Jamie from STARRY MAG: This is Jamie Steinberg, with Starry Constellation Magazine. Jacob, this is another deeply tortured soul for you to portray. Is there something about these kinds of characters that really draw you to them? Or is this them finding their way to you? Or is it something you see in them that really resonates with you and makes you want to portray them?

JACOB ANDERSON: I think it’s a combination of both. We find each other. I think I’m slightly less like Grey Worm than I am like Louis. But yeah, I mean, I think you normally want to be like very boundaried when you talk about things and be like, “Oh, well, I’m so removed from the character, and I’m brilliant at acting and blah blah blah blah blah”. But to be honest, yeah, I feel very, very connected to Louis. It’s the thing that bothered me about how Anne Rice wrote him, and also how Rolin wrote him as well. Yeah, I’m drawn to characters who are searching. And I’d ask him questions, not just about the world, but about their place in it and what they contribute or don’t contribute to it. But yeah, I also I felt like it would be like, narcissistic of me to be like, “I am the only person who can play Louis.” But namely, because there is somebody else that’s done it, as well. Many people.

Jamie: Well, I think you brings such a unique take on it, though, because of the artistry you have. Both of these characters that you mentioned, have just been wonderfully nuanced, I think through your portrayal. So it might be just a little bit time for you to pat yourself on the back for what you’ve brought to the role on your own.

JACOB ANDERSON: This one’s for you, Bailey.

QUESTION: Question for Jacob and Sam, one of the really interesting things about this particular adaptation is the romance that we kind of finally get to see between Louis and Lestat. Can you speak to that a little bit? What does it mean to you to be able to portray that relationship in that way?

SAM REID: Well, I think AMC has the rights to the entire Vampire Chronicles, and so it’s very important to make sure that relationship is established early on. Particularly as the books progress, it becomes much more clear that they are in a very intense romantic relationship. So, I think it’s it’s great to make sure that we’re serving the story correctly. And it wouldn’t be Anne Rice’s Interview With The Vampire if it wasn’t there. So, yeah.

QUESTION: I was wondering, and this is kind of specifically for Bailey and Sam, the show doesn’t shy away from race or that being a factor at all for their very long life experience. Was that important to you? And were you afraid of any ignorant backlash, because previously, the characters were paid by white actors?

BAILEY BASS: I was really excited to play Claudia. It’s really a dream to play such a complex character that’s very loud and unapologetic. I honestly didn’t think twice about anything else. I just knew that Rolin was very intentional about the actors that he wanted to cast in the show, and I’m very fortunate that I was one of them. I just dove into all the research. I read the book. I would cross reference the book and the script and see the quotes that Rolin took from the book and was very intentional about adding them into the script. After doing all the research, I mean, I became Claudia and it was fun to play her.

JACOB ANDERSON: Yeah, I think something that Rolin’s done, which is – I’m almost loath to call it important, but like it creates a richness is that this isn’t a colorblind casting situation. Louis’ central question is about his humanity and his place in humanity. I think that if you were to cast a black actor or black actors for Louis and Claudia, and to not address that, you’d take a lot away from that question of their humanity. I’m glad that we don’t shy away from it. And in terms of backlash, I just don’t want to give it energy anymore. Like I just – people are going to – I think people need to be seen. Sometimes they’ll say anything to be seen or recognized, and it’s sad, but it’s the internet.

QUESTION: I would love for you to talk a little bit about what it’s like just being vampires, being able to play vampires when biting people and having these kinds of scenes. What goes into that and how much fun is that to play? How difficult is that to play?

SAM REID:

It’s very fun. It’s very fun. Yeah, you know, because we’ve got a lot of elements that come into every scene. So, they’re very beautiful, sort of rich dialogue-heavy scenes, but we also have this whole element of the vampire, you know, he kills, so we’ll be pausing for the blood to be put in. We had all these different types of blood that we’d been drinking and tasting, and they made us hibicus flavored blood when we had to drink large amounts of it.

JACOB ANDERSON:

It did not taste like hibiscus. It tasted like it was like a Sour Patch Kid.

SAM REID: Yeah.

JACOB ANDERSON: But in liquid form.

SAM REID: But there’s a lot of thought and consideration [that had] gone into this. But yeah, it’s so much fun, really. Vampires are, I think, the best type of monster, because they have so much humanity. They’re so articulate. They experience a huge amount. Anne Rice is responsible for our shift in vampires, because she puts the perspective into the eyes of the monster, and you have empathy for them. So, it’s very fun to do these really extreme, horrific things, but also with a level of understanding and empathy and bringing that into the character. So, it’s a fun thing to do.

JACOB ANDERSON: It’s the best! It’s the best. The best monsters.

Jamie from SCIFI VISION: So, obviously, you guys do go to some really dark places, though, with your characters. Can you sort of talk about getting into that headspace, and how you sort of, I guess, get back out of it? Is it hard to sort of go there? For all three of you.

BAILEY BASS: Yeah, it’s hard. We had such long days that it kind of, for me personally, it was hard for me to differ[entiate], like, who’s Claudia and who’s Bailey. So, I kind of had to, like really sit with myself and reflect, but it’s hard. But then also, this is what I love to do, and playing such an extreme character, that’s what makes it fun is that I get to relive and be in these spaces that I would never normally be in if I didn’t get to play Claudia. But the dark, even though it’s dark and everything, I definitely enjoyed it. And I had Sam and Jacob, which they were incredible scene partners, and we all had each other. We made sure that throughout the whole process, our mental health, even though we’re like hysterically crying sometimes that afterwards, our mental health was still good,

SAM REID: I think to Bailey’s point, like, sometimes the darkest jobs or the darkest sets where the material is the most bleak are the most fun, because, we instinctively know how to just kind of like, help ourselves through that. So, we’ll be making a lot of jokes. You know, it is ridiculous, sometimes what we’re doing, and you have to step back and think [laughs] You know, we’re suspended in the air, covered in blood, so we just kept it light. It was a fun thing to do.

JACOB ANDERSON: Yeah, I agree. I mean, it’s dense. It’s dense, so you need to focus on the language as well. Like, aside from, yeah, we had a lot of fun, but when you’re doing the scene, you focus on what you’re doing. And I think if you let yourself get dragged into it too much, then hard to to do your job, I think.

Jamie from STARRY MAG: Bailey, this is such a beautiful costume you have. Talk about when you first saw what you’d be wearing for the series, and if you had any input, and if it takes really putting on that costume to embody your character.

BAILEY BASS: Costume is one of my favorite things in my job, being able to speak with the costume designer and be able to talk about what she saw when she read the script, because it’s not just me, it’s a big collaboration of an incredible crew that helps make us look good, basically. And to be able to talk to hair, makeup, and costume and get to know what their first ideas were when they read the script, and then being able to collaborate with them and say what I thought, was really, really fun. And the costume designer for this show, Carol, was just so collaborative. I came in and we were talking about posture. That’s a very big thing for Claudia, because in the beginning, she’s like fourteen years old, and she’s excited being a vampire. She would shrug a lot and just walked like, however and had terrible posture. So, the costume designer would think about that when she was making the costumes. And then also I have to look like a little girl. So, she created these beautiful bows along with making sure that the shape of my costumes hid any curves possible. So, when I put them on, I really felt like a little girl. So, when I was doing the scenes where Claudia is struggling, she wants to be a woman, and I’m sitting in this pink dress that it’s not flattering to anything that’s me as Bailey, it was really easy to feel what Claudia would be feeling at that moment.

Suzanne: I really enjoyed the wedding scene and your dancing, Jacob; that was great. Was that actually you dancing? And did you have to train for that, or did you already know how, and will there be any more singing or dancing in the show?

JACOB ANDERSON: That was me and Steven Norfleet, who plays Paul, and we had about a month to train, to practice. I don’t know if you’ve ever done tap dancing, but it’s like learning how to walk again, like how to walk for the first time, like to get your brain to coordinate in that way and to like shift the weight of your body is really confusing. And to add to that we did a lot of our lessons on Sikkim (???). And it’s all like, it’s all sound. You like making music with your feet, but with the lag of, of like, you know, doing it online. But you just drill; you just drill it every day. You drill it every day, and just you have to listen. It’s less about like being mechanical about your body and just like listening to the sound. But there is there is more dancing in the show.

Suzanne: Oh, good.

JACOB ANDERSON: Yeah. It was in the trailer, right?

SAM REID: Yeah, the three of us did dancing lessons.

JACOB ANDERSON: Yeah, we did.

QUESTION: I’m curious to just have any of you or all of you talk a little bit about what you love most about the dynamic between all three of your characters, either once Claudia comes in, or kind of as that progresses.

JACOB ANDERSON: I find it, I think from Louis’ point of view, he’s trying to recreate a kind of family dynamic that he is grieving for in his human life. I think it’s probably the thing that he misses most in some ways. It’s like a grounding thing, is his brother and his sister and his mom, maybe to a lesser extent, but maybe not. So, I find the way that it kind of goes for them, and for him, it’s kind of unexpected. I think he wanted, he was hoping that in bringing somebody else into their family, I think he thought that Claudia might be like him. [laughs] So, it’s interesting. I feel like an outcast, but to also be a part of – I mean, I’ll let Bailey talk more about about that part of it, but really, Claudia ends up being sort of forgotten about a little bit, and their dynamic, which is sad.

BAILEY BASS: I think what’s wonderful though, is that there’s really no protagonist or antagonist. It changes through every scene in every episode, because these characters are so specific and complex, and Rolin Jones, the writer of the show, did an incredible job of explaining in depth why we do what we do. There’s a reason why we kill the people that we do, why we hurt each other. And because of that, the viewer kind of feels bad for the person hurting the other, but then also feels bad for the person being hurt.

QUESTION: So, obviously, as vampires, your characters live very long lives. Which era would you like to see, be able to play your character in?

JACOB ANDERSON: 80s 80s 80s. I want the pastels. I want the hair. Let’s go, 80s.

SAM REID: I’d probably do the 1700s. I think Lestat really that is where he’s from, and that’s the era in which he was born into, so I’d quite like to see him in that in that era.

BAILEY BASS: I just want to get to the 50s. Like, I just want Claudia to get to the 50s so I can wear all those skirts and just explore more hairstyles, because we evolved. Doing the prep work, there wasn’t a lot of hairstyles – we had a horrible of time looking for photos of black girls in that time period with very versatile hair, which we know they existed, just no one took pictures of them. So, to be able to expand that more and show women who have curly hair, that this is what they look like in that time. I’d love to expand that and go into the 40s and 50s.

Transcribed by Jamie Ruby of ScifiVision

#interview #tvmeg #jacob anderson #sam reid #bailey bass #iwtv cast #amc iwtv #iwtv #amc interview with the vampire #interview with the vampire amc #iwtv amc #iwtv 2022 #interview with the vampire

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trash-king18 · 11 months

Text

M pt. 4

he’s extra moody today and nobody seems to know why

miguel o’hara might just be more interested than just animal curiosity…maybe?

————

the next day you come in late, you weren’t going to but when you woke up your head hurt so bad you just needed to lay in bed for another hour… maybe two.

you were woken up around 10 again by Lyla buzzing on your watch

“Lyla i’m coming in late what’s wrong”

“uhh I think it might be time for a little “chat” with the boss.. like.. now. he’s acting extra… uh peeved today.”

“that’s a nice way of putting it”

“he’s already thrown two chairs this morning.”

“perhaps,” you say as you start to try and get out of bed, “he’s acting that way because he is simply just an aggravated prick.”

“Y/N this is serious, i’m worried i haven’t seen him this-“

she hesitates before using the word to describe her boss

“..moody in a long time. i mean sure he’s always brooding but somethings different, he’s upset i’m worried it might trigger something”

you sigh and then groan before dragging yourself up

“ok Lyla i’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“thank you… please hurry.”

“only he would find a way to drag me in even after giving me the day off.”

you walk through the lobby and everyone seems slightly on edge.

Hobie and Pavitr run up to you,

“thank god you’re here”

Is it that bad?

the boys look between each other

“he threw Peter B in the go home machine.”

“was mayday with him?!”

“no not today, which probably would’ve saved him”

“Ay dios mío, el hombre es un dolor en mi trasero”

this man is a pain in my ass

Hobie looks at Pavitr

“don’t look at me dude i speak hindi not spanish.”

after you walk away Pavitr nudges Hobie

P- “hey do you think after they finally do it they’ll fight more or less”

H- “more.. definitely more.”

you march up to his office and there’s no one around it, it’s cleared it like a fallout zone.

you don’t even knock you just push the door open. he’s sitting on the ledge that his desk stands on. brooding, of course.

unfortunately you were not a spider person so you couldn’t just swing up.

“O’hara would you like to explain to me why i get woken up by Lyla calling to tell me you’re throwing chairs and then i get here to find out you’re chucking people into the go home machine.”

no answer.

“seriously? nothing. ~now~ youve got nothing”

no answer.

“when you’re ready to communicate like an adult i’ll be in my lab. try not to throw any thing or any ~one~ else.”

you turn but he jumps down suddenly and lands behind you. you turn around and find him standing right there.

“you left.”

“what”

“you left that night, you were gone before i woke up and all i got was a note telling me to come in for blood tests

and then you lecture me about communication and not being able to give you this that and the next thing and tell me i don’t care

you couldn’t even bother to mention it”

“we’re not teenagers, i didn’t think i needed to kiss you goodbye and send a sappy text so we could discuss our feelings. we ~sort of~ hooked up big deal”

“wow.. should’ve put that in the note too”

“oh my god you and the note, i didn’t know what to say, i ~thought~ we could talk about it in the morning-“

“-how was i-“

“-but noooo-“

“-supposed to know that-“

“-you had to leave for another one of your dark op solo missions with no warning!”

“oh i’m sorry that’s kind of part of my job description honey”

“honey? don’t you honey me o’hara”

“well i wasn’t aware that i had to explain myself to you”

“Oh por favor cállate niño crecido”

oh please shut up you overgrown child

“i’m the child?! you showed up here last night stumbling over yourself like a teenager who drank too much at a party”

“well at least my heads not so far up my spandex covered ass that i don’t know how to have fun you glorified action figure”

“ah de verdad? ok. Bueno, ¿por qué no empiezas a comunicarte como un adulto y entonces tal vez tengamos algo de qué hablar contigo, mujer demonio?”

oh really? ok. well why dont you start communicating like an adult and then maybe we'll have something to talk about you demon woman

“you know what?”

“no i don’t know! please tell me id love to hear it”

“you’re an ass miguel. i’m going home.”

“oh great just come in late and then leave early sure, tal vez deberías dejarlo entonces”

maybe you should just quit then.

“maybe i should!”

you slam his office door and you’ve never been more greatful for nobody being around because you’re sure they would’ve heard everything

you walk past the boys again

Pavitr “what was all that that about?”

“don’t ask, he’s just in a particularly impossible mood today. he’ll get over it”

Hobie: “are you ok?”

“yeah hobie i’m fine”

“really mate? cuz your eyes are red. and we didn’t have that kind of fun last night far as i know.”

“i’m good, you should be getting back. if i remember correctly one of you has an 1130 lecture and you, you say wagging a finger at hobie, have band practice.”

the check their watches and curse when they see the time

“See ya y/n!”

you rush to your apartment before the tears that have been stinging your eyes can escape and collapse on your couch again. you spend the rest of the day napping snacking and just watching movies.

you just finished cleaning up dinner when you hear a soft short knock on your door. you figure it’s one of the kids or peter asking you to babysit which both happened frequently

so you open the door, not expecting miguel to be standing right in front of you. you just scoff and close the door in his face. but he just calls softly from the other side of the door

“can i come in?”

“no. was that not clear?”

“y/n please. i fucked up”

“you didn’t have to come all the way here to tell me that”

he groans in frustration, “look if you would just open the door so i don’t have to stand out here like an idiot”

“why so you can stand in here like an idiot instead”

“will you please stop being so childish and just talk to me”

you whip the door open.

“so you went from a sorry excuse for trying to apologize to insulting me in the span in thirty seconds and you thought that would help how?”

he sighs

“you’re right i’m sorry i just wanted to say that-“

“nope don’t care.”

you try to close the door but this time he catches it and let’s himself in.

“what the fuck get out o’hara”

“no! no.”

he grabs you by the shoulders

“all i want to say— is that i am an idiot and i messed up. i should’ve come to see you after the mission was over instead of chasing after anomalies to avoid dealing with the situation.”

you won’t even look at him.

“and that i shouldn’t have spoken to you like that this morning especially at work”

“are you done?”

“no uhm also i didn’t mean to treat you like a child last night or invade your space. i was worried that you could’ve gotten hurt and i handled it poorly. so uhm i’m sorry.. for that”

“did lyla write that for you”

“..no… maybe”

you still won’t look at him so he lets go and sighs in defeat snd starts to head for the door

“o’hara wait”

he half turns back to you

“i guess i didn’t handle everything as well as i could have either so”

“is that what you call an apology”

you look at him with annoyance

“oh cmon i did it”

you don’t budge

“it’s just two words”

you roll your eyes and through gritted teeth you say, “i’m sorry”

he chuckles

“god you’re even more stubborn then i am cariño”

you look uncomfortable at the pet name

“… right.”

“you should go”

he steps towards you

“we still have to talk about..”

“what’s there to talk about. you weren’t in your right mind, something happened, and then it ended.”

“is that all it was”

“i don’t know? can you tell me for certain that that night was more than your equivalent of a drunken nothing”

“i-“

“then we have nothing to talk about.”

his eyes are pleading but your guard is up and you refuse to let him of all people tear it down.

he slips out out the door wordlessly leaving you to finish putting away dishes.

176 notes · View notes

uchihaharlot · 4 months

Note

MORE THIRST! ❤️‍🔥

I got the idea from a friend and I can't get it out of my head, maybe you have some headcanons for it or want to write something:

What if... you fed Shisui's own cum back to him after e.g. a blowjob? 😏

This is the sort of filth I am talking about. Seriously, am not computing how I came up with this trash.

Severely NSFW; bj; bird feeding cum; vaginal — all around hot shit I would absolutely do to Shisui in a heart beat and this man would thank me.

Let’s just say it’s a rather calm evening. You’ve already had your rounds for the day and as you lay with Shisui on the couch. You just can’t get this idea out of your head.

(And picture you more or less head on his abdomen and Shisui’s arms rubbing your back soothingly.) Nothing about this position indicates you want to fuck….yet. You both are very explorative with your desires. Binding, bondage, choking even. Possibly some other wild things that won’t be discussed right now.

You can’t stop thinking about this afternoon, in the kitchen. Shisui came home for ‘lunch’ and while he did eat lunch, eventually. He had dessert first. Which was you. You just looked so cute on your day off. Hair in a bun, house was immaculately clean. He just had to thank you by bending you over the table. And thinking over and over on this made you just wet all day. You were incapable of not making a damp spot on your panties. Fine, so be it. It was what he did after that had you reeling. See Shisui sometimes is too fast for his own good, and so to make things quick, he got off and filled you up like a cream puff. Took two fingers and gingerly stuffed it back in you while sucking your clit and putting you in overdrive with several climaxes before actually eating his lunch. There was a reason he stuffed his fingers to plug you, well two actually. One he just loved to see your weeping little cunt filled with his Uchiha serum, and two he didn’t want to mix the flavors so he made sure he was only able to taste you.

This would not do, and there were only two solutions.

He could either fuck you stupid again, and taste himself the proper way he should have today or you could suck him off righteously and essentially bird feed him his own essence. Either or worked but the mere conceptualization of dripping Shisui’s own cum into his mouth from yours won by a large margin. What would he even do? Should you ask? I mean he always kissed you and tasted of you. Polite and considerate you usually kissed his cheeks after taking him deep in your throat and digesting his creamy fluids. You’re such a good girl for him though. Only the best lip service for this man. Shisui can hardly ever be around you without being half cocked. So the moment you rub your cheek over his groin he’s already curled a hand at the nape of your neck. ‘I need a snack.’ You say, which if he wasn’t exceedingly hard at your subtle cheek rub, he definitely was now.

‘I have just the thing.’ His soft gaze looks down at you, oh he’s had a long day. Filing police work and all that. His eyes are probably tired from reading and memorizing mundane details.

So you gently position yourself between him and rub your hand over his aching cock. ‘Just close your eyes baby. I’ll take care of you.’

Hehehe yea, keep your eyes closed the whole time you thought.

You took him out of his sweats and ran kisses up his shaft. Shisui’s head rested against the armrest of the couch and his mouth parted slightly. He was tired so it took a little more effort on your end but that’s ok, anything for this beautiful man. Shisui was not in a hurry to cum which made you all the more wet. You were able to see him in his most vulnerable state. Completely relaxed but needy. His hand still controlled the depth he face fucked you. Slow and gentle, this was new? Shisui wasn’t necessarily a dog by any means but he must’ve been in a mood to really enjoy your soft warm mouth taking him in. Every now and then you’d swallow him a little deeper, tightening your cheeks each time. Hitches in his breath and a hiss here or there…. ‘Slow…go slow.’

He was really working himself up to it, definitely imagining that he was filling your sweet wet pussy with his thick diameter. Pumping you slowly from behind maybe? With a hand wrapped around your stomach. Or even just encumbering you with his whole weight and fucking you slow and deep, touching that spongey tissue in the back. Either way, he was a moaning mess of a man. And when you slobbered that backwash of spit that built up in your throat all over his pulsing cock. Only then did he touch the back of your throat. And from there he would be able to hear your small struggles for air. You’ve been conditioned well to take the entirety of his length right as he is about to cum. Which rises an issue for your ulterior motive.

If Shisui was deep fucking himself on your throat, his thick cum was definitely going down in one shot. Like the finest liquor or oyster. You couldn’t have that, no. You needed to make sure that there was enough on the ‘spoon’ of your tongue to kiss him with. So you reminded him, with soft words as you popped off his throbbing cock…’slow, remember?’ He nods hurriedly, of course! Of course, slow. He did ask for that. As you took him back in your mouth he reiterated words of praise to you, many a ‘good girl’ were said, ‘do you know how hot you look’ and your personal favorite was, ‘I love the look on your face when you can’t breath.’ Because yes, even though he was going slow he was drowning his cock in your mouth. Slow, deep thrusts to your throat and back. His hips shuddering a few times. This felt good, really good for Shisui. And your eyes watered a little bit when he held your face down to his pelvic area and wiggled himself deep enough to cause you to gag. ‘Such a good girl for me…fuck.’

When his cock stiffened for release, you took his hands out of your hair and laced them to his chest with yours. Hardly ever were you dominant, so the shift in power had Shisui full mouth grunting when you sucked and bobbed on just the tip. Holy shit this was so different. He could only watch as you took him deep a few more times before delicately taking a hand to tug on his bunching testicles right as he filled your mouth with his salty batter. You swallowed and left what was necessary on the tip of your tongue before crawling up to a chest heaving, wide eye and fucked out Shisui, who just had the soul sucked out of him, and depositing the smallest modicum of himself in a deep kiss. He groaned and raked a hand in your hair tightly and sucked on your tongue.

‘You’re filthy and I fucking love it.” He whispered before invading your mouth for more of the same.

This definitely didn’t hinder Shisui in the slightest, raging boner syndrome for this man. He flipped you on your stomach and sat on your legs pulling your shorts down just enough to stuff you full; nearly the whole weight of his body on you. Thrusts so fast and precise into that wet hole he calls home half the time. ‘Fuck…you’re so wet, did you like that? Hmm? Making me taste myself.’

Yea he is wired, definitely did not expect to be damn near bird fed his own cum on top of finding the whole ordeal arousing.

He overstimulates you, making you come several times over and for definite this time on his throbbing dick because he didn’t get to feel that this afternoon. Shisui came fast earlier and needed to make up for it. So each time you come and clench his cock, it brings him closer to the edge of a second release. He pins you by the neck, and listens to your pleas and cries of pleasure. His name and several curse words intermingle in a salacious symphony of sounds. Desperately chasing his climax, the timing was perfect. You let out a guttural moan and Shisui’s hips jutted enough to incessantly tap your cervix and drag over that sensitive bundle of nerves. You squeezed and fluttered around his stiffening cock as your orgasm milked him. The show in the background was overcast by the low but long grunts Shisui had made when he bent down to your neck out of sheer desperation to finish with you.

‘…fuck (y/n). That…that was hot.’ He breathed heavy. Easing on the full weight of his body over you, he adjusted your house shorts back up and kisses your ass before bringing you to his chest and holding on to you while you both catch your breath and process the hottest sex of the week.

#shisui smut #shisui headcanons #shisui uchiha #uchiha shisui #pro uchiha #uchiha clan #uchiha family #uchiha headcanons

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justmeinadaze · 1 year

Text

We're A Family Part 12 (Steddie X You)

A/N with warnings: Y'all know when I give you both in one you're gonna feel some things lol There is no smut in this one but all the angst and fluff near the end. Like I said I knew I wanted a chapter like this but I wasn't exactly sure how I wanted it to go.

What Y/N and Dylan discuss are things I have been through with biological mother especially that feeling of not being enough. If this triggers you, I highly recommend you skip this chapter. Dylan does confront Charlie about how he treats him and it doesn't go well. Dylan talks in detail about how it makes him feel and the guys and reader will talk about their own traumas with their parents.

If you've ever experienced anything like this or have ever felt you weren't enough for one or both of your parents, I'm here to tell you that they fucking suck and your feelings are valid. You ARE enough <3. I love you!

Word Count: 4535

“Can I, um, talk to you guys about something?”, Dylan asked as he entered the living room.

Steve looks at his watch before placing his arms back on your legs that were strewn over his lap. “It’s after eight. Didn’t Ed say he had to submit questions in writing at that time?”

“A ha. You’re so funny.”, your son teases as you grin.

“Do you need everyone or will we do?”, you ask. His eyes look around hesitantly and you know before he speaks. As you rise from the couch, you kiss the top of his head before opening the back door. “Hey! Our son needs a word with everyone over 3.”

“Oh shit. I just barely made it then.”, Eddie chuckles as he takes one last drag and stomps out his cigarette.

“Ok, weirdo. The floor is yours.” You grin at him encouragingly as you sit between the distance of the boys on the arm rest.

“I…so…um…”, he looks down as he fidgets with his fingers. “I was wondering if…I could, maybe, visit my other dad.”

You feel the tension in the room rise immediately, mostly from Steve’s side as you and Eddie glance nervously at each other.

“I don’t have to like spend the night or anything. I was just thinking maybe a dinner or something.”, Dylan quickly followed.

“Can I ask why, baby? Why now?”

His anxious eyes meet yours. “I miss him a little bit…him and Vivi…”

“That’s understandable. Is it okay with you if the three of us talk about it first?”

“We can talk about it now. I think it’s a bad idea.”, Steve responded in a hard tone.

“Steve…”, Eddie warned.

“What? After everything that’s happened?!”

“He’s allowed to feel what he’s feeling.”

“Yeah, and as his parents we are allowed to protect him. I say no.”

“Harrington, you do this every time the topic comes up. Y/N is right, we need to talk this through first and then depending on what we decide we also need to reach out to Charlie.”

As they argued back and forth, you and Dylan continued to stare at each other sympathetically. This is what he was afraid of, hurting their feelings. You saw it in his broken-hearted face while he saw your fear for his own feelings not just when it came to them but Charlie as well.

You subtly nodded your head, signaling you would handle it before he came over to give you a hug.

“I love you, weirdo.”

“I love you to, mom.”

All conversation stopped as you three watched him head back upstairs.

“I want to make one thing very clear, Steven Harrington. That is the last fucking time you do anything like that in front of my son. Do you understand me?”

“I’m trying to protect—”

“No.”, you cross your arms as you glare at him. “I don’t care what you were trying to do. It took a lot for him to do what he just did especially in front of you both. He knows you two care about him and love him but that doesn’t change the fact that Charlie is his biological parent. He’s not like Aurora. He had a whole other man in his life he called dad for 6 years before you entered the picture.”

Steve’s jaw clenched as he looked away from you. “I just don’t get it. I mean…if Charlie wasn’t a complete douchebag…

“I get it.”, Eddie sighed. “Those first few years after Wayne took me in, I still missed my parents. Even after everything they did, I kept thinking maybe if I was ‘a better kid’ they’d come back. When that didn’t work, it was more like why wasn’t I enough, you know? Then it became a mission. I NEEDED to hear from them why I was easy to leave behind. It took a lot of angry nights and patience from Wayne for me to get here.”

“Steve, I know you mean well. Honestly…”, you exhale as you sit beside him. “I’m more worried about having to tell him that Charlie doesn’t want to hang out with him yet and see that sad look on his face.”

“You shouldn’t have to be the one to tell him that.” You look up at Steve in confusion. “Maybe, if Dylan makes that call…”

****

Dylan sat on your bed as the phone rang. Both men thought it would make him more comfortable if you two were alone but they remained at the foot of the stairs to listen in.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Vivi.”

“Dylan!? Oh my god. Hey, kiddo. How are you?”

“I’m good. How are you?”

“I’m doing really good. I miss you. Did you want to talk to your dad?”

“I miss you to. Please…”

“Ok, bud. One second.” You two listened as there was some shuffling on the other line. “Dil?”

“Hey…dad.”

It broke your heart to hear him hesitate as you ran your hand through his hair. The truth was he didn’t really think about Charlie that way anymore but there was still a part of him that hoped. Eddie’s eyes flicked to Steve who exhaled heavily, patting the space next to him on the stairs. As the boy sat down, the metalhead comfortingly rubbed his palm along his back, resting his chin on his shoulder as they continued to listen.

“Hey, you. How are you doing? Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, no. Everything is fine. I’m fine. I, um, I wanted to call to see if, um, maybe you and Vivi would want to hang out with me. We could have dinner or something.”

“Oh, dude, that would be amazing…”

Your eyes squeezed shut before he finished his sentence. You knew. He had done this so many times during your marriage.

“Baby, that’s amazing, but I can’t actually make it to your graduation that day. I have to work.”

“I know this is so hard for you, Y/N, but I don’t think I can go with you to your dad’s funeral.”

“Hon, I had dinner scheduled at this amazing restaurant but something came up…”

Steve knew this dance to but his father was a lot more aggressive with his approach.

“Congratulations on graduating high school, something everyone accomplishes with little to no effort. I’m proud!”

“Oh, you got an A in English? Come to me when you run your own company. Now THAT’S an accomplishment.”

“But we just have so much going on right now we barely have anytime to even sleep!”, he chuckles. “How about we revisit this conversation in a few months, huh?”

“Ok, baby. Give me this and go hang out in your room, alright?” Dylan hesitates as you pull the phone out of his hand. “It’s ok. I got it.”

“Y/N? Did you put him up to this?!”

“Yes, Charlie. I set in motion a diabolical plan for your son to want to spend time with you.”

“Believe it or not, I have a fucking life of my own now and family to take care of. You both can’t just surprise me like this!”

“He’s asking for a dinner not a fucking vacation! And believe it or not, he’s a part of that family you should be taking care of to.”

The bed dips as Eddie sits beside you, Steve leaning in the doorframe.

“No. Remember, he has a new dad now. Two of them!”

“You’re such a child. Don’t do this, Charlie. He’s a good kid. He deserves better.”

“I don’t know what you want from me, Y/N. I’m busy alright. Look… maybe if we go back to court and come up with a schedule so I can make time…

“Yes, because that worked so well in the past. I’m not going to waste time and money to do all that if you can’t even see him for 2 hours.”

“Still so fucking self-righteous. Like you’re god’s gift to parents. I…”

His voice trailed off as Eddie took the phone from your hand. “Yeah, that’s enough of that.”, he growls under his breath as he hangs up. “You ok, sweetheart?”

“Fucking asshole.”

“I mean…I know I’m not the nicest guy but—”

He smiles when you laugh and push his shoulder. Steve comes up to your side and pulls your head against him as he kisses the top of it.

“I’m sorry, honey. Maybe, we can all go do something this weekend that Dylan likes. Let the kid have some fun.”

###############

You awoke to the sound of a toddler giggling as she tried to pull herself onto your bed.

“Aurora Munson-Harrington, what are you doing?”, you grin from your place on Steve’s chest.

“Up! Mama, up!”

After untangling yourself from both men’s protective arms, you lean over to grip her biceps as you tug her onto the mattress and plop her on top of the man you were using as a pillow.

“Dada, wake up.”, Ro smiled as she placed both her hands on his cheeks, pressing her face to his.

“Can I help you?”, he groggily asked.

“Teehee. Dada, up.”, she laughs again as she signals with her hand that she’s hungry by tapping her mouth.

“You know, that sounds like a daddy problem. You should go bug daddy.”

“Nooooo… dad!”, she exclaims.

“That’s my girl.”, Eddie smiles as he throws his arm over his eyes, yawning.

Aurora crawls over you and Steve to straddle her father’s chest, tracing his tattoos with her fingers as she waits for someone to do what she asks.

“I can go make breakfast. Let me just check on Dylan real quick.”

“Din bye bye.”, she waves towards the hallway. All eyes fully open as they turn towards the toddler.

“Ro, hey, what do you mean Dylan bye?”, you ask.

She fiddles with her fingers for a bit before answering. “Din bye.”, she babbles some more before pointing towards the stairs. “Beep beep!” You jump out of bed as she mimics the alarm noise you’ve heard her do when someone opens the door.

“STEVE!” He quickly gets up to head for Dylan’s room. “He’s not here!”

“He probably hasn’t gotten far if he woke her up. Come on.”

****

Dylan knew this was going to get him into trouble especially after what his dad did that got him arrested but he has to know. He has to physically talk to his father to understand why he didn’t seem to miss him like he did.

He loved Eddie and Steve so much but he just couldn’t understand why it was so easy for them to be his dad but not for Charlie. Is it something he did? Maybe he shouldn’t have called Eddie dad in front of him…but he was scared…Eddie made him feel safe. As he got older he found he was more into stuff his dad found “appropriate” like sports and things like that. Isn’t that enough?

After a 15-minute walk, he finally arrived at his destination, exhaling out the nerves before knocking on the front door. No one answered immediately so after a few moments he knocked again. He heard angry rumbling on the other side as it finally flew open and he was met with his father.

“Who the fu—Dylan? What are you doing here? Where’s your mom?”

“I needed to see you.”

“You what? Hang on, come in. I need to call Y/N and let her know you’re here.”

The boy walked in heading for the living room as his dad detoured towards the kitchen. It was quiet until he heard your voice echo through the phone.

“Charlie?! Is he there?”

“Yeah, he’s here. Calm down!”

“Don’t tell me to fucking calm down! I’m on my way!”

He huffed under his breath as he hung up the phone.

“I swear, Dil, sometimes your mom such a pain in the ass.”

The boy’s nose scrunches in annoyance. “Don’t call her that.” Charlie turned to glare down at him. “Why don’t you want to spend time with me?”

“Look, bud. You’ll understand more when you get older that adults get extremely busy sometimes and—”

“So does mom, Eddie, and Steve. Eddie owns a store and Steve worked while going to school.”

“Well, fucking good for them.”

The sound of your hand banging on the door cut through the tension that was beginning to build. You flew in as it opened not waiting for an invitation. Charlie gestured for Steve to enter and he did so cautiously, his eyes scanning over Dylan.

“What the hell were you thinking!? You don’t just leave like that!”

The boys eyes avoided yours as he targeted Charlie again. “WHY don’t you want to spend time with me? I play sports, I get good grades. I’ve gotten into more things I know you like so we can do more stuff together. I don’t get it!”

Steve reached for your arm and pulled you slightly back out of the line of fire.

“ANSWER ME!”

“HEY! I’m your father! You don’t speak to me like that!”

“You’re not my dad!” You started to step forward, prepared to shield him from everything going on but Steve’s arm extended out to stop you as his eyes remained on Dylan. “Steve and Eddie are my dad! They don’t make fun of me or tell me what I like is stupid! They come to every one of games and help me when I need it! They are actually there for me when YOU NEVER WERE!”

“Charlie?”, Vivian’s small voice echoed from the hallway; her hand casually resting on the baby bump. “What’s…what’s going on?”

Dylan’s eyes looked her over from head to toe, his bottom lip quivering as if he was trying to form more words but couldn’t. Steve stepped forward and kneeled in front of him like he did when Dylan was smaller.

“Are you ready to go home?”

The boy nods.

“Ok. Is there anything else you want to say to Charlie or maybe Vivian?”

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”, he whispers.

Steve softly smiles as he runs his thumbs under his eyes. Dylan wrapped his arms around his neck and the man lifted him up like the boy was still six years old. As you three headed for the door, Steve turns to address Charlie.

“This was your chance and you blew it. I’m not going to let you hurt him anymore. You stay away from him. Do you hear me?”

“Or what?”, your ex challenged.

“Try me, Charlie. We did this once already and you lost. Now you’re messing with my son. It will be a whole lot worse. Stay. Away.”

##############

“Beep beep.”, Aurora parroted as the front door opened. Eddie immediately rose to his feet just in time to see Dylan fly past him and out into the backyard.

“What happened?!”

Without a word, you followed after him where he was pacing in the grass trying to catch his breath.

“Dylan, breathe, honey.”

“He’s…he’s replacing me. I knew it…I knew it…”

“Knew what?” His breathing picked up as he slipped further into his panic attack.

Eddie came down into the yard and encircled his arms around him from behind as he placed his palm on the boy’s chest.

“Kid, I want you to do me a favor, ok? Whenever you’re ready, tell me five things you can see.”

“Wh-what?!”

“It can be anything. Surprise me.”

“Um…I see…mom…grass…”

“Good. Keep going. What else?”

“I see…dad on…on the porch…Ro playing inside…sky.”

“Good, kid. You badass. Ok, now tell me four things you hear. Again, any four.”

Dylan’s eyes squeezed shut as he tried to focus. “Birds. I hear birds…kids playing in the street. I hear mom’s breath….and my voice.”

“Ok, three things you can feel.”

His chest was still heaving a bit but you noticed his breathing wasn’t as labored.

“Your hand on my chest. Um…the wind…and the sun.”

“You’re rockin’ it, kid. Two things you smell?”

“Your cigarettes.”

“Well, that’s a given. Even the dead can smell that.” Dylan released a heavy laugh that made you want cry with happiness. “What else?”

“My mom’s perfume.”

“It’s the one you got me for Mother’s Day.”

He and Eddie both grin. “One thing you can taste.”

“My spit.”

The metalhead turned him around, placing both palms on his cheeks. “Gross.” You son laughed as he hugged him, pushing his face into the man’s chest. “You’re okay, Dylan. Everything is okay.”

****

Dylan crashed on the couch with his sister who insisted on laying with him when the boy came back inside.

“Din sad? No!”

You three leaned against opposite ends of the kitchen counter as Steve updated Eddie on what happened.

“Fucking prick.”, he sighed.

“What was that, Ed? That you did with him outside?”

“The sensory thing? It’s something some school counselor taught me after I moved in with Wayne. She said it was meant to ground me, get me out of my brain and focus on the moment.”

“You panicked like that?” He subtly nodded before turning his attention to the floor. “I’m sorry.”

“What on earth do you have to be sorry for, sweetheart?”

“Steve was right. I should have told him no. I should have protected him.”

“He needed this, Y/N. Eddie never got to tell his dad how he felt and the closest I’ll ever get was telling him fuck off when you were pregnant. You got to tell your mom and now he got to tell his dad.” Steve exhales as he folds his arms. “Maybe now he can really start healing.”

###############

After dinner that night and putting Aurora to bed, you laid with Dylan in his room like you guys used to in the apartment.

“I’m sorry I snuck out. I didn’t mean to scare you guys.”

“I appreciate that. You are still grounded though for the next week.”, you smile as you pretend to shutter. “Why do you have to make me punish you? I don’t know how to do that. You never get into trouble.” He chuckles at your words. “I love you so much, weirdo. I hope you know that.”

“I do, mom. I love you to.”

“I remember when you were born and I held you for the first time… I knew I would do anything for you. I always thought I could protect you from all the bad stuff and I try! I really do but sometimes…things slip past me, I guess.”

“Hey. Are we asleep yet?” Steve pokes his head into the boy’s bedroom.

“No, why?”, you grin.

He waves at you both with his hand, urging you to follow him. He leads you outside where Eddie is already waiting.

“Why hello there child and ma-ma.” You roll your eyes playfully at the man’s announcer style voice. He gestures to the box in front of him. “What we have here are disgusting man dishes we had across the way when we were neighbors.”

“Man dishes?”

“Honey, they are glass items that are in plate form but I wouldn’t legally call them that.”, Steve chuckles as he reaches in and hands everyone something to hold. “Eddie and I figure; we’ve been living here for almost 6 years. Time to leave our rowdy bachelors lives behind us.”

“Wow, you two need to calm down.”, you laugh at them.

The metalhead smiles as he nudges Dylan with his elbow. “Remember how I told you a few years ago I moved in with my uncle when my dad did something bad?” The boy nods as he listens to Eddie speak. “He was attempting to steal another car when the owner found him hot wiring it. They got into a fight as my dad tried to run but, of course, cops got him. Because this was one of MANY offenses, the judge didn’t even think twice, and locked him up for good. I remember my mom telling me they had arrested him and why. I couldn’t stop thinking ‘Why? He had us…were we not enough?’.”

Eddie abruptly threw the glass against the concreate around the end of the patio as hard as he could. “Oh wow. That felt nice.”

Steve laughed as he inspected the object he was holding. “My dad always wanted me to be ‘the best’ encouraging me to sign up for sports and these clubs that our family had been a part of for generations. The problem was he never told me what ‘the best’ looked like. In high school, I was MVP in basketball but our team never made it to the championship. Somehow that was my fault…not like he would know because he never went to any of the games.”

The man copied Eddie’s action, the glass shattering loudly. “You’re right, man. That did feel nice.”

Dylan looked up at you eagerly as you heavily sighed. “I hated back to school shopping with my parents. Kierra and I would always hold hands and listen to them bicker about which outfit was appropriate. My dad advocated for what would make us comfortable whereas my mom wanted what looked the best. I remember one time she took us into the dressing room and insisted we prove to her that my dad’s suggestions would work. I had on blue jeans and a yellow tank top with sneakers. Kierra found a sundress that was so gorgeous. She, um, she said my sister looked like a truck stop hooker and my shirt over accentuated my stomach making me look fat.”

You threw your glass object a bit harder than you meant to but it did release a lot of aggression you felt in your chest, not just from the memory but everything else.

“When I was smaller, when mom and dad were together, I didn’t get why he was never home but…I was okay with it because he yelled at you a lot when he was.”, Dylan exhales before continuing. “When he would take me somewhere, he always seemed... distracted. He would be talking to other people or on his phone. He took me to a movie one time and after the previews said he needed to go to bathroom and didn’t come back till the movie was over.”

You son threw his plate hard and you followed him reaching for something else to throw along with him.

“If I could go back in time, I swear to god…”, you growl.

“Ok, Rocky. Chill.”, Eddie chuckles as he runs his palm through your hair. “But for real though. What kind of guy would leave a dope kid to watch…what was it?”

“Spiderman.”

“Oh my god. Seriously? Who does that?” The metalhead tosses a plate casually, smiling when it shatters.

“Eddie’s right. I mean, you’ve shown me all those Marvel movies! Wait until Ro get into them and you can tell her all that trivia you gave me. I think it’s so cool you know all that stuff.”, Steve grins as he throws something else.

“My dad never liked anything I did! He always said it boring and nerdy.”

“Who says? And even then, what’s wrong with being nerdy?” Eddie hands him something to throw and he does.

“Right? There’s nothing wrong with it. Not like it matters because I tried things he likes and he still doesn’t care!” Dylan continued to talk, casually throwing things between each of his sentence. “I did everything I could and even then, he’s still too busy! He was too busy for mom and me but had time for Vivi! He was too busy to hang out with me but has time for everyone else! He always seemed to find time to make my mom cry or tell me I should try something other boys are into but can’t come to one baseball game! He doesn’t even call me on my birthday anymore! How is he going to have time for a baby when he doesn’t have any time for me!”

Dylan pauses as he reaches into the box again to find it empty. He turns his head to find you three standing off to the side, watching him. Steve takes his hand and guides him to the porch steps where he and Eddie sit so they can be eye level with him as you come up behind him, wrap your arms around his chest, and rest your head on top of his own.

“Do you how when people say, ‘I know how you feel’ and you think ‘You have no fucking idea how I feel’? Dylan… we KNOW how you feel. We know our family is a little weird but…”, Steve smiles when the boy laughs. “The first time we met you when you knocked on our door, we knew you were a unique kid. You’re so smart, funny, incredibly kind. I love watching you play with Ro. You’re extremely patient with her and you make her giggle all the time.”

“You’re actually a lot like your mom. When we met her our lives were kind of stagnant.”

“Stagnant?”

“Boring.”, you reply. “I know. Eddie’s whipping out the big words.”

“You calm down over there, princess.”, he winks before turning his attention back to Dylan. “What Steve and I are trying to say is, we understand that you’re going to think about or miss Charlie. Nothing wrong with that and you won’t hurt our feelings if you ever want to talk about him or anything like that. We just hope you know that…we love you very much.”

“And we would never do anything to make you feel like you’re not important or that what you like or enjoy doesn’t matter. We see you the exact same way we Aurora. You’re our son. Full stop. No strings attached. No conditions. You’re safe with us, little man.”

Dylan detaches from you to wrap his arms around Steve before disconnecting to do the same with Eddie.

“Ok, criminal. You’re free from the adults now.”

“Criminal?”

“I don’t know. Kid’s sneaking out now, getting grounded…He’s a wild child. Who knows what he’ll do next.”, Eddie shrugs as Dylan rolls his eyes before they meet yours.

“Go head and can you please make sure Ro is still asleep?”

“Oh! And don’t tell her about this. The toddler doesn’t really need that idea planted in her head of throwing dishes.”

Your son nods as he runs back into the house. Both men look up at you with a knowing gleam in their eyes.

“And you two were afraid of becoming your fathers.”, you smirk.

“Eh. We may have grown up a little bit these past six years.”, Steve grins as he reaches for your arms, tugging you between his legs before leaning his neck up to kiss your lips.

“Thank you for that and this.”, you gesture towards the glass.

“Of course. Now let me go get a broom so you can clean up this mess you made, sweetheart.”

You fain a gasp as he stands and you lightly smack him with your hand. “MY mess!? Excuse me, sir!” Eddie cackles as he runs into the house and Steve guides you towards a step to take a seat. “You’re not even going to let me help, are you?”

The boy shakes his head as he grins, the metalhead charging back out with a broom and a trash bag.

############# @adequate-superstar @kalinaselennespeaks @alienthingstwo

@steddieloverrr @manda-panda-monium

@decadentwombatmiracle @katie-tibo @marsupiooo

@local-stoner-bitch @steamystrangerfics @lunatictardis

@adaydreamaway08 @hazydespair @actuallyspencerreid

@moviefreak1205 @waylandmorgernsternherondal-blog

@kik51199 @strngrlytn @idkidknemore @damon-loves-pie

@k-k0129 @micheledawn1975 @eddie86baby

@justmeandmymeanderingthoughts @3rriberri @sashaphantomhive @chelebelletx @big-ope-vibes

@munsonzzgf @munsonmoonshine86

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xiaoscarasimp · 6 months

Text

Smol bit of cat boi smut 3

So im back at it again. ^^ this didn't turn out quite the way I wanted it to, but that just means I have stuff for pt 4

Nsfw(duh) mdni

triggers: afab reader, somewhat sadistic scara, mirror sex, piv sex, consensual voyeurism, oral(both give and receive) cum eating and of course SiZe KinK

Cat Boi Smut 3

After a few hectic weeks of trying to make heads or tails of the magic book Lyney gave you, you decided it was time to test it out. However, you were a bit hesitant, in fear of screwing up, so you decided to call that Fontaine twink. You dial his number and it rings a few times too many for your comfort. When he finally does pick up, his voice is groggy with sleep; it almost sounded like you had woken him up at 2 PM on a Tuesday.

“H-hello?” He asked, not sure of who was calling.

“Oh, hi, Lyney? This is y/n,” You keep your voice even, but the nerves start creeping up on you. “Remember that magic book you lent me the other day? I want to test it out, but am rather scared to try it with just me and Scara. W-will you help us out?" Ah, shit, you stuttered.

“O-oh, hi y/n!” His voice gained a bit more energy. “Oh, yeah, sure. Is your cat boy ok with testing it out? I help without both of y’all’s consent.”

“...did you just say ‘y’all’s?’”

“...not at all. Ok, maybe I did; I slip up when tired. When are you free next?”

“Let me get with Scara, but I feel like Friday night should be good.” Not that your cat boy ever had any plans outside the occasional show he’d like to watch as it airs; there wasn’t anything on Friday that you knew of.

Lyney yawns on the other line. “Sounds good. I’m going back to bed, late night last night.”

Your stomach starts getting butterflies at the thoughts of your next adventures. While you wanted it to be just you and Scaramouche, you didn’t want to take the chance of stuff going wrong; plus you had a feeling that your cat boy was starting to like not only being with you, but also with Lyney as well.

Once you get home, you let Scaramouche know that you two have a "date" with Lyney Friday night, and that you were going to test out the book of magic. His ears perked up at this, his tail twitching happily; however, his face portrayed none of the excitement that his body was.

"Better not screw anything up," He pointedly says, although with a bit of affection. "Been getting bored lately because someone's too pussy to try anything on her own." The cat boy has the audacity to wink at you, smirking and glowering.

You tackle him to the sofa and straddle him, hands to his throat. Scaramouche still has that cheeky grin; he knows you won't actually hurt him. You'll just tease him a little bit, make him beg for you. He starts laughing darkly as you tighten your hands playfully, his gaze egging you on.

"I'm no pussy. If anyone's the pussy here it's you, pussy cat boy," you laugh. You release your hold on him and ruffle his hair and ears. He scowls at you, hopes smashed (unlike him).

"I have dinner to cook tonight. Was thinking about a stir fry style dinner, i.e. fried rice beef and a few veggies. If you're a good cat boy, maybe I'll even pan fry you some shrimp." You say as you get up. His tail flicked happily, mouth was drooling slightly at the thoughts of pan fried shrimp.

As you're cooking dinner, you see Scaramouche scrolling his phone, even typing out a few things here and there. Usually, this was not abnormal behavior, but since you mentioned the date for Friday night, he was probably looking for ideas of what to do to you. The cat boy had a sadistic streak going for him, and how far he would take things with you underneath him had you a bit worried.

"Hey, Scara," you call out. "Shrimp's done! Pan fried in garlic and herb butter." You puff out your chest proudly. The stir fry was also done, but Scaramouche had little to no interest in it; he only had eyes for the shrimp.

As you guys discuss plans and boundaries for Friday, you realize that almost anything was on the table as long as it didn't kill or permanently mutilate either of you. Oral, toys, anal, pegging: all things that you and the cat boy consented to.

~~♡♡♡~~

Friday night had arrived at last. You and Scaramouche picked out some appropriate outfits for the night: you wearing a shorter and tighter than normal skirt with a lacy top with a nice lingerie set, complete with thigh high stockings and garter belt underneath. Your cat boy did not put as much effort in his outfit: going in his usual skin tight black turtleneck and skinny jeans. You weren't going to deny it: that look suited him very well; it accentuated his sharp features and complimented his hair very well.

You knock on Lyney's door three times, and wait a bit before hearing frantic footsteps on the other side before the door swings open. Lyney’s hair was almost perfect, however you could still tell a few hairs were out of place; he must have overslept a bit.

“H-hey, welcome in!” Lyney stammers; very unlike him. “I was just getting some props ready for tonight. Have you guys eaten? I have a roast going.” He was speaking a thousand words a minute. It was actually rather cute to see the usually suave magician flustered.

“Lyney, calm down,” You laugh. “A roast sounds lovely, don’t you think, Scara?” The cat boy was scowling in the background, not fond of the light blush on your face when talking to the blonde.

“..fine, whatever makes you happy, y/n.” His tail flicked in annoyance. Scaramouche wasn’t fond of beef, but he knew that he needed the energy for their activities tonight. The cat boy’s eyes sizzled at the thought of those activities.

As Lyney invites the two of you in, you can’t help but to be in awe of his house. It had an old-timey aesthetic, lined with wooden bookcases and dressers in the hall way. The hallway split off into multiple rooms, with a modern looking kitchen at the end. The smell of the roast greeted you as you got closer to the kitchen; it had obviously been slow cooking for hours upon hours.

“Make yourselves at home,” Lyney says in an upbeat voice. “I’ll grab the plates. Eat as much as you like, my siblings have already had their fill.”

He must mean Lynette, you muse to yourself.

“So when do we get to the fun?” Scaramouche asks abruptly, ears twitching impatiently. “Save the pleasantries and let’s get on with it. I need you to hurry up and teach y/n how to work the damn book so I can get rid of you."

Lyney almost teleports across the room and grabs Scaramouche’s chin, purple eyes twinkling mischievously. "We'll see how long you'll be saying that, mon chéri. I think you'll find some of the more fun things can only be done between you and I." He winks and gracefully grabs plates and chairs for dinner. If you didn't know better, you'd think that you were watching the furniture and tableware come to life.

As you guys eat, you set boundaries for the night; each party having a say in what they did and did not want to do along with safe words. Lyney offers up toys or all sizes for you guys to use, along with the thoughts of sitting some of the action out to let you enjoy your cat boy one on one. He wasn’t going to leave you alone in case something went wrong; he’d be watching over you.

“Oh, yeah, I completely forgot to mention, yes you will be getting cat ears and a tail again; it’s part of procedure at this point. Don't ask why; apparently the creator of the tome had a thing for cat boys or cat girls or something like that," Lyney mentions casually. You weren't going to lie though: having cat ears and tail made you feel closer to your precious cat boy.

Lyney leads you two to one of the side rooms that has a bed with a canopy, surrounded by mirrors and few dim lights. There was a dresser on the left side of the bed, supposedly with the lube and toys Lyney had mentioned over dinner. The sheets were pink and appeared to be satin and the comforter was rather plush.

"Here you guys go!" Lyney leads you two in, arms stretched out. "The mirrors are two way, so I can see you, but you can't see me. Any questions? Remember: the magic words are felis nekomas. I did not make the phrase; blame the creator."

"Felis nekomas!" You say in a timid voice, scared of the tome not responding to you. To your surprise, you feel the sensation of the cat ears and tail sprouting from your head and back, wiggling on their own at first. You catch Scaramouche looking at you in awe when he turns away, face flushed with pink.

"Now, the shrinking or growing is variable," Lyney continues on. "Since it's a two way street, you can shrink him and he can do the same to you. Likewise with making each other bigger. Now granted, you can also be selfish and use the magic on yourself, but it'll be less efficient. Any questions so far? Also, same rules apply as last time: cumming will make you shrink and if you cum in or on each other, you will grow" You and Scaramouche shake your heads. "I'll keep an eye on you both; make sure to put on a good show for me, will you? I want to enjoy myself tonight too."

“Lyney, what is the actual purpose of the room?” You question him.

“It was my master’s room, and where I learned how to do magic. I figured it would be a great place to set the mood.”

You and your cat boy exchange glances, wondering what to try first, and how to give the magician the show of a lifetime. You decide that you were going to let Scaramouche take the lead since he was not in control at all last time. As the door shuts behind you two, you drag your cat boy over the bed and start kissing him gently, starting on the forehead, then progressing down to his lips.

As you deepen the kiss by biting gently at his lip, his hands move themselves down your body, eventually finding their way to your tail. Once he was at the base, he tugged gently, sending shivers up your spine. You gasp and Scaramouche uses this opportunity to thrust his tongue in your mouth, swirling his tongue around yours.

"Sc-scara," you moan, your senses overwhelmed by him. He deepens the kiss, and starts to push you backwards on the bed, one hand moving to cradle the back of your head. His knee moves between your legs, rubbing against your throbbing pussy.

"Heh," He chuckles. "If kissing has you this turned on, I'd hate to see the state of your pussy." The cat boy practically rips off your shirt, revealing the lacey bra. His eyes widen; you were wearing his favorite lingerie set.

"So cute, but don't you think you're wearing a bit too much?"

Scaramouche unhooks your bra and discards it, leaving your erect nipples exposed. The room wasn't cold by any means; they were stiff from arousal. He leans down and swirls your nipple with his tongue and groping the other one with his hand. His slightly rougher than normal tongue enhances the sensation ten fold. As he bites at the nipple, running his tongue over the sensitive bud even faster, your hands start to move towards your dripping sex. Scaramouche grabs your hands and holds them above your head, shaking his head.

"Now," the cat boy says with a devilish grin. "It wouldn't be fair of my pretty little cat girl to get her pleasure first." His nails dig into your wrists as you rub your legs together in an attempt at soothing the burning sensation of arousal.

He presses his knee further into your crotch, his face daring you to rub yourself off on it. You start to rub your still clothed pussy on his leg, when he pulls it away, tutting at you.

"You still have too much on," as he takes off your skirt, leaving you in a lacy thong and thigh high socks. Scaramouche knew about the stockings as they completed your outfit very well, but the selection of panties was a pleasant surprise.

The cat boy slides the crotch of your almost non existent underwear to one side and starts running his tongue across your clit. As you approach the peak, Scaramouche growls, "Say my name," through licks.

"S-scara! I'm c-cumming!!" You are almost screaming at this point, pleasure rolling over you. “Scara, pl-please! I-I need your dick inside m-me!”

“Good girls cum in my mouth first.”

As you cum, you start to feel the familiar icy hot sensation of shrinking underneath your lover. Your formerly too tight underwear and stockings were now comically too big. In contrast though, his tight clothing becoming even tighter; his bulge becoming even more prominent. Scaramouche had a Cheshire cat-like grin on his face; the sight of your small body underneath him, the anticipation of your tight, hot pussy, waiting to be filled by his throbbing cock.

Once the shrinking stops, you notice that you are about seven inches to a foot smaller now, but Scaramouche grew by the same margin. He towers over you as he grabs your pretty little face and slams his lips into yours. Scaramouche quickly unbuttons his pants and practically rips them off, revealing a big, flaming red cock, dripping with precum. You start to wonder how that's even going to fit in you at this point, but more importantly: you were enraptured at the thought of being impaled by your lover.

"You want this in your pussy, don't you?" He smirks, not missing the lust in your eyes. "Too bad. Good little whores only get this cock in their mouth." You start salivating at the sight of the precum dripping down the shaft. "But first: I think you deserve this." He holds up a slightly bigger than average dildo with a clit stimulator, although at this size, the toy was almost too big. Scaramouche slams the toy inside you, causing you to moan a little bit. He shows you the remote with an evil grin on his face, hinting that he was going to turn it on at any moment.

"And you're not allowed to cum until I do. Can't have you getting any smaller before you please me. Now: suck"

You gently start licking the tip of his cock, starting at the slit and working your tongue around the head. Your tiny hands were gently massaging up and down the shaft, although they could barely wrap themselves around the large member. As Scaramouche moans in pleasure from stimulation, he finds himself wanting more.

“Haaa, don’t be afraid to stick the whole thing in your mouth, you know. If you do, I’ll reward you,” the cat boy moans. As soon as your mouth wraps around the tip, he turns the toy to the lowest setting, making you moan in surprise and delight. The vibrations send shivers down his shaft, his cock almost bursting from the pleasure.

With a sadistic smile, he looks down on you and cranks the toy up the max setting making you yelp and moan in surprise.

“S-Scara!” You cry, tears pulling at the edges of your eyes. All of your senses were being overwhelmed by the taste and smell of his dick and the vibrating toy in your pussy. “I ne-need to cum!” You manage to moan with his member in your mouth.

“Good girls w-wait for their p-partner to cum first,” He moans, ears twitching in pleasure. Scaramouche just needed more of your tiny mouth and was prolonging the act to try to get more of it.

You feel his dick pulsating in your mouth along with your abused clit and all the sensations sent you over the edge before your partner could attain his high. You groan in frustration and pleasure as you shrink with your mouth stuffed full of cock leaking even harder than before. Scaramouche notices that the toy was becoming too big for your hole, and begins leaving a bulge in your stomach and starts fucking your face faster and faster.

"Haa, you f-feel so d-damn tight. A small, perfect little mouth, j-just for m-me," He moans out. "B-be a good girl a-and swallow it all, hmm." You nod vigorously, the tip of his massive cock barely in your mouth. Your tongue runs over his slit right before he cums in your mouth, a sweet, salty, but yet bitter release. You swallow the entirety of his load, opening your mouth as proof you swallowed it all.

As the magic would have it, you eventually grew a little bit and your cat boy was back to his original size, if not a bit smaller; his pants and shirt that were tight to begin with now a bit looser. You wrap your tail around his, noticing how right it felt. As you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, you became self-conscious of how small you looked beside him now, but somehow it felt so right.

You had forgotten the toy was still inside of you as Scaramouche pulled it out, it was dripping with your juices. The cat boy did something you’d never expect him to do: lick the toy clean, growing a bit as he did so. After the toy was licked clean, he then shoved his fingers back in your abused hole and swirled them around, hitting that sweet spot, causing you to arch your back in pleasure.

“Hnng, Scara,” You moan, voice becoming winey. “I just c-came, i-it’s too much.”

His ear flicked, as if he heard something in the background. “Shh, darling, we still have to give the magician a show of a lifetime,” he murmurs in your ears, breath stimulating you even further.

Scaramouche lifts you up effortlessly and slams you down on his dick, facing away from him, staring at the two of you in the mirror. You try to turn your face away in shame but his delicate but strong hands grab your chin and force you to look at yourself, face stained with tears of pleasure. He was covered in sweat, hair plastered to his face, but it made him look even hotter, not that he wasn’t before.

“I think our friend is watching; if I didn’t know better, I’d think he was enjoying himself. Same could be said for yourself.” His voice was a drug at this point, clouding over your mind. The more he whispered sweet nothings in your ear, the more turned on you became, bouncing up and down on his cock, looking at yourself in the mirror, embarrassment. You tried to look away a few more times, but each and every time, he’d force you to look back at the mirror, pulling on your tail or ears as he did.

All of a sudden, he bites down on your neck, your walls clenching down even harder on his dick as he does so, prompting him to bite even harder harder on the other side. The cat boy almost came the first time your walls clenched down on him, but the second time he bit down, he emptied ropes of hot cum in your abused hole.

You can feel him shrinking underneath you, his shirt almost two sizes too big now. As you got bigger, you could feel him starting to get hard again despite just cumming inside of you just now. Your poor cat boy just couldn’t get enough of you, big or small. He tries to move out from under you, but you flip him around and straddle his face so he could lick you clean.

“Now, lick,” you command, and he nods furiously. Scaramouche’s semi-rough tongue starts at your clit, stimulating it to almost another orgasm, but you decide to hold out for one last round. He then moves his way to your hole, tongue lapping up every last bit of the mixed juices. This time, however, you stop the spell from changing your sizes; you wanted to end the night like this before canceling the spell.

“Mmph,” Scaramouche moans. “So b-bitter; I l-like it. Aren’t I supposed to be growing though?” He suddenly asks in a clearer voice.

You giggle; teasing what you could see of his ears. “Sorry, honey, I want you to stay underneath me for a bit longer.”

As he slurped the juices from your sex, you orgasm one last time, before releasing the spell, returning you both back to normal albeit a bit messier than what you started. Your tail and cat ears recede slowly, eventually disappearing entirely. Panting, you look around for Lyney when he appears right beside you, clapping with a big smile on his face despite being a bit disheveled himself. If you had to guess, he was probably pleasuring himself while you and Scaramouche were going at it. The fact that mirrors were two way meant that he could have seen how small and needy you had become, the thought making you blush slightly.

"Bravo, mon chéri" Lyney says, eyes twinkling. He then grabs Scaramouche’s face, eyeing him top to bottom. His ears flicked in annoyance, jerking his face out of the magician's hand. "You guys are marvelous! Especially you, Scaramouche. The look on your face as you-” Your cat boy’s hand covers his mouth before he could go any further. You chuckle awkwardly, still pretty well fucked out and basking a bit in the after glow.

“Shut it…” Scaramouche mumbles, a flush of red marking his face. Although he knew that Lyney was watching them, and even knew exactly where he was to try and give him the best angle, he still was embarrassed after the fact. He turns his head towards you and asks if you two were staying the night as it was quite late and none of you guys had anywhere to be in the morning. You sarcastically ponder for a moment before saying yes.

“Great! I knew this was going to happen, so I prepared a room for you two!” Lyney absolutely beamed; it wasn’t often he had guests, especially ones that put on such a show for him. He does an over exaggerated magician's bow.“Right this way then!”

You two follow him down the long hallway before arriving at a wooden door which opens into a large open room, not unsimilar to the one you were just in, minus the mirrors. The bed had the same type of satin sheets, but this time in blue although the comforter was just as plush as the other one.

“Room comes with its own bath so you guys can refresh yourselves before bed. I feel like you guys might need it,” Lyney winks. Knowing what he was getting at, you accepted his offer, but told him no funny business. Scaramouche scowls in the background, but the magician shrugs him off.

Thanking him as he steps out, you strip down to go relax in the bath. You extend the offer to the cat boy to come in with you, but he shakes his head and mutters something about not wanting to get water in his ears.

Sighing, you step into the huge, white bathroom that looked like it had a swimming pool in the middle, which you discovered was the actual relaxing area. Upon closer inspection, you notice that this pool had what looked like hot tub jets-perfect for relaxing sore muscles after a long stressful day. You almost start to wonder if this was Lyney’s personal bathroom, but shake your head at the preposterous thought. No way he would let guests into his precious space, right?

You head over to the wash area and rise yourself off before settling down into the tub, letting the heat and jets add to the bliss of being fucked out earlier. As your mind starts to wander, a shadow looms over you.

“Scara?” You question sleepily. “I thought you didn’t want to bathe with me tonight.”

A pair of hands cover your eyes, startling you awake. You try to squirm out of them, but they have a firm grip on you.

"Guess who?"

#genshin impact #genshin #Genshin smut #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche smut #scaramouche #lyney #ooc lyney #Magic bullshit #Size kink #cat boi

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