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hyperfixat · 4 months

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MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! here’s the first chapter to a new multi part series i’m working on! it’s an isekai of honkai star rail. (sahsrau, sort of…?) ANYWAY!! enjoy,,, updates will be. idk maybe once a month so i don’t get stressed about pumping out chapters… this baby has been baking for a few months in the drafts already LMAO. likes and reblogs are always appreciated <3 and my reqs are perpetually open! 4.1K words.

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** Written PRE 1.4 – Any mentions of new characters is pure speculation and or headcannons.

Your dailys are finished and there’s no new content, so you decide to look for some hidden quests throughout the map. You’re sure you’ve collected all the chests on the Herta Space Station, but you use a teleport waypoint there anyway. Caelus (although that is not what you have named them,) sprints under your control, running against the invisible wall separating available land from unavailable land.

You click aimlessly, your character summoning their weapon of choice, a bat in this case, and attacking the blank divider. They hit it a few times, the animation sparking as they attacked the blank. It’s not like you’re expecting something to happen, although a person can hope, but then something does happen.

The office around you, where you’re playing on your PC blurs. You attempt to clear your vision with a few harsh blinks, but your vision only gets worse. It’s golden tunnel vision to your computer screen, the Trailblazer isn’t there, oddly enough, but that doesn’t quite matter at the moment, as you feel the world around you warp. Your body and soul, something you weren't even aware of, are pulled, nay sucked, into your screen. The screen, something that should be impermeable, gives way like nothing, like air.

Something as large as the human body should not be able to fit through your screen, but you do. Somehow you do.

It’s warm and hot and cold and freeing as it is oppressive.

You’re disoriented and confused, and for some reason you know you’re no longer alone and in your office.

Tentatively you allow yourself to move and lift your head. Instead of being seated on your desk chair, you’ve fallen into a heap in… is this one of the rooms in the Supply Zone? That.. that cannot be right. That’s in a video game and this is real life.

…Right?

What are you thinking about?! Of course this is real life, just a dream, yes, a dream. What are they called, lucid dreams? That makes sense, you’re lucid dreaming, even if you’ve never had one before, you’re lucid dreaming.

Well if you’re lucid dreaming, maybe you can have some fun? What do you do?

Fuck, you aren’t prepared for this.

Before you can think of something good someone moseys into the modern-style storage room you're in. Oh, hey, it’s the main character of Honkai: Star Rail, the game you were playing before falling into this lucid state. You want to greet them; you should greet them.

Wait, do you call them Caelus or the name you put into the game? Ah, wait, can you pause this?

“Huh? What are you doing in here?” Their voice sounds… well just like it does in game.

You hesitate, unsure of how to answer because you don’t know what you’re doing here. They wait for a reply, head tilting cutely as you think of a comprehensible answer.

“I’m… not sure.” You draw out the sentence as if by prolonging the words a better answer would appear.

Caelus walks closer to you, moving from the doorway to stand only a foot away holding out their hand to help you up.

“Are you lost? What part of the base are you stationed at? I know this place really well, I can help you find where you belong.” The confidence in their voice wanes, “Well, by your clothes…” their brow creases “are you from here?”

“Uh, I don’t, I don't know.”

They purse their lips, head tilting as they think. “Well, I don’t know who I should bring you to. You’re not a threat, at least not yet. Herta would be my first guess, but I don’t like her, and she might not even care or respond.” Another moment as they ponder, “let’s go find Mr Yang. He might be able to help jog your memory, or find out where you’re supposed to be.”

“Okay.” The walk through the station feels like a fever dream, though this is a dream, so that makes sense.

Caelus pulls open the heavy metal door to the Astral Express and holds out a hand to help you climb up inside. They don’t let go of your hand as you enter the passenger cabin.

“Mr Yang?” They call out, fingers readjusting over your own. Their hand is cool and comforting, realistic for a dream.

Welt Yang, sitting on the red curving couch looks up, setting down his book. His eyebrows raise when he sees that Caelus is not alone and is towing along a strange person dressed in even stranger clothes.

“Yes, Caelus? What do you need?” His eyes flicker between your faces before settling on Caelus’.

“This person, ah what’s your name?” They flush a pretty pink and turn to you, fingers flexing nervously around yours. When you give it to them, they repeat it aloud to Welt. “Is lost. How do we help them?”

Welt Yang frowns, a crease denting his forehead and he adjusts his glasses, pushing them up the bridge of his nose as he gives a low, thoughtful hum.

“What did Madam Herta say? You found them on her vessel.” Caleus rubs the back of their neck, a pink falling over his cheeks and tinting his ears.

“Well, I was hoping to avoid taking them to her…”

Welt doesn’t react, as if already knowing the answer. “Well,” his amber eyes meet yours. “What do you say to staying on the Astral Express for the time being? Of course, we’ll have to check with the conductor to make sure that’s okay.”

Caelus nods, their eyes narrowing as they think. “Do you think Ms Himeko might have an idea of how to jog their memory?” Their body shifts towards you as do their eyes, “in any case, we should find Pompom first, that’s the conductor.”

You want to say you know exactly who Pompom is, but that would sound odd from what should be a stranger, wouldn’t it?

Speak of the devil, Pompom comes waddling their body over to your gaggle. They aren’t as small as the game made them seem, maybe four feet of smooth fluff, and a content face.

“Hi Trailblazer, hi Welt, hi… Hi.” They pause and look up into your face, their features contorting, before they accuse you. “You aren’t a passenger!”

“Oh.” You don’t really know how to respond to that. Aside from acknowledging the obvious, they haven’t given you anything worthwhile to say. Before the silence can become too suffocating Caelus comes to the rescue, saving you from the critical look of the conductor.

“About that!” They give the creature a charming smile, putting their body between yours and theirs. “I was hoping my new friend could stay on the express until they can remember where their home is.”

So that’s why you’re staying, well staying til you wake, maybe wake. Fuck, you need a minute, well maybe once it settles in and you realize that you can’t escape, and don’t know how or why you’re here. Oh, you hope this is just a sleep deprived, very immersive deep sleep.

“Hmm,” Pompom shoves past Caelus’ legs to size you up. Their large, animal eyes make you melt, and you offer them a shy, nervous smile. “We’re out of rooms, but,” they turn back to Caelus, “if you or another passenger are willing to share, Pompom guesses they can stay.”

“Thank you, Pompom,” your smile widens a bit more. “But, maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to say that. I don’t know if anyone would want to share a room with me.” A breathy, panicky laugh leaves you, “I am a stranger here, after all.”

Pompom gives you one last, long look before shuffling away back to their rounds of the train.

“Hm, well, I understand where you’re coming from. But,” Caelus frowns and their eyes darken, going downcast, nervously. “I feel oddly connected to you. There’s more than one reason I didn’t take you to Madam Herta. I was hoping you might be able to stay on the Express, at least for a bit. So I could get to know you, a bit.” As your expression remains impassive, they’re quick to continue, taking hold of both of your hands. Their hands are large and warm, engulfing yours earnestly. “Please don’t get the wrong idea. I am trying to help you, however I can. Which is why I want to extend an invitation for you to stay with me, in my room.”

“Thank you, Caelus.” Warmth fills both your heart and face, both from the words and their touch alike. “I know you’re trying to help me, I truly appreciate it.”

They’re being so genuine, it makes you want to cry. How can you tell them this is all a dream, your dream at that. They aren’t even real, for crying out loud! The way they treat you makes you never want to wake up, stay so they can care for you, spend time with you. Would it be selfish to want to stay, to never leave, what would happen to your life if you never woke up, never left this dream (game, whatever it is now)?

You have the sudden urge to harm yourself, just for the sake of proving if this reality is just a dream or if some spatial temporal nonsense happened for you to get sucked into your PC’s game, turned real world.

The time you spend worrying cuts short when March 7th’s cheerful voice calls into the express. You hadn’t even noticed the metal screaming of the door as it was pried open.

“Caelus~ Help me convince Dan Heng to let us go back to the Xianzhou Luofu for some Berrypheasant Skewers and Immortal’s Delight- oh!” She’s spotted you. Her face lights up, an odd reaction, you think, upon seeing a stranger in what is essentially her home. “Hi there!”

“Hi,” you greet meekly, not used to being around someone so high energy. Not that you don’t like it, on the contrary she’s a very gregarious person, and the energy she brings makes you feel content.

“Caelus didn’t tell me they brought a guest!” March giggles. “It’s nice to see you, have we met before? I’d hate to think I’d forgotten your face.”

“No, you haven’t met me before.” It’s not a lie, you craft your words carefully. You know her though, very well, at that.

“Oh, well you can call me March 7th! What’s your name?” She fully enters the compartment now, the heavy train door slamming loudly behind her. She’s really pretty and cute in person, you wish that your mind could come up with any better words to describe her, but your mouth feels more than a little dry as she gets closer to you. You tell her, words sounding like mush, but she smiles and repeats it back to you, giving it a compliment.

She makes your heart stutter, and you smile at her, a little dumbly. Luckily Caelus seems sympathetic to your plight (going dumb at the sight of a pretty girl) and takes over explaining why you’re here.

“Memory loss, huh?” March pulls a sympathetic face. “I can relate. Well, you seem like a lovely person, and a friend of Caelus is a friend of mine, so my door is always open if you need to talk.”

Your deceit feels harsh, because you don’t have memory loss. Now March might try to bond over this perceived shared trauma, one that you don’t have…

March pats your shoulder in an attempt to soothe, a rush of her scent (solidifying this is more than a dream) fills your nose, fresh, clean, and sweet.

“Thank you, March, I appreciate it.”

“Anything for a friend!” March turns to Caelus, who lets your hands go as March engages them in a conversation. “Now, Caelus, help me convince Dan Heng to vote for Xianzhou Luofu on this week’s stop! I really want some of the local food.” She exaggerates the ‘really’ dramatically, making her eyes wider; the epitome of puppy dog style begging.

“Ah,” Caelus turns their head away, squeezing their eyes shut. “I already was planning on voting for Jarilo VI, and I’m pretty sure Dan Heng is dead set on his vote for another week at the space station.”

March sighs in disappointment, eyeing Welt as her next target before, “Wait! You’re officially a passenger now!” She is talking to you, “won’t you please vote for the Xianzhou Luofu as this week’s destination?”

The Xianzhou Luofu, you think about it. They don’t know that you know the place like the back of your hand, but it’s not like you have anything against the place. In fact, you’d rather not face the harsh cold of Jarilo VI so new to this world.

Oh, you shouldn’t have thought about that right now, the fact you’re stuck here for who knows how long, and you’re passively deceiving everyone you meet. Your knees feel a bit weak, but you manage to force an agreeable response to March.

“I’m feeling a bit tired, Caelus,” you grab their forearm to steady, “could I have a moment to lay down?”

“Oh shit,” they steady you, leading you to the couch, and helping you lay diagonally. Your eyes slip closed. Not caring about what you make yourself look like, you turn your face into the back cushion, tightening the harshness of how tight your eyes are closed.

Are you really stuck here? Is this more than a dream? Without fully realizing it, you drag your blunt nails over the length of your forearm. A soft, trembling gasp disguises the hiss of pain you make. Not a dream.

Fuck, not a dream.

You push your face deeper into the cushion, inhaling the scent of dust and fabric. The sensory input makes you even more certain this isn’t a dream. How do you go back to your world? Are you a missing person yet? What harm will come if you stay here, both to this world and your world? Do you tell them the truth?

How earth-shattering would it be to find out that your whole life is nothing but code? You are but a character built to entertain millions, any sense of individuality and personhood would surely fade. You can’t do that to them, can you?

But maybe it would help you get back to where you belong…

It hits you then, Welt Yang. Well, he doesn’t hit you. He’s still reading his book on the couch opposite to you. You’re no lore expert on any Honkai game except Star Rail, but he’s from like, another world as well, or something like that, right? Sure that world is another video game, probably, but alternate dimensions are alternate dimensions, right?

How would that conversation start? Hey Mr Yang, you’re a video game character and I’m from a different world, teehee can you help me figure out what the fuck I’m supposed to do now? Would he even believe you? Would you even believe you?

A warm hand rubs over your upper back, along your shoulder blades and vertebrae. Caelus, your heart stutters, a funny thing, at how you already know how much you’ll miss them.

“Do you want to use one of my Life Transmitters or a Healing Spray?” They offer their voice, kind and calm. “Or would something like Comfort Food be more to your taste right now?”

You move your face out of the cushion, “thank you, Caelus, you’re too kind. I’ll be okay, just… thinking.” Thinking of how this shouldn’t be real, how you’re too good to be real.

“Of course, let me know if you need anything. Anything at all, no matter how small.”

Caelus eventually left with March to pester Dan Heng, leaving you to revel in your confusing thoughts. After a few more minutes of lying on the couch, you steel yourself to face Welt Yang.

Thinking of his face is enough to make your hands clam up. Will he send you away and dismiss it as insane ramblings of nervous breakdown from one of Miss Herta’s overworked employees? He’ll believe you, won’t he? Surely a man of his caliber and experience can spot when someone is telling the truth, no matter how fantastical?

Pushing yourself up, you fight the tired and nerves that cling to you, and stand on unsteady legs. Welt looks up as you approach, folding the ear of the page he’s on and snapping the book shut.

“Uhm, Mr Yang, could we maybe talk in private?” Your voice sounds warbled, but if it’s more than a trick of your ears Mr Yang doesn’t let you know, instead offering you a reassuring smile and nodding.

“I will lead you to my room. No one will disrupt us there.” You’re glad he hasn’t questioned your intentions. Does he suspect you already and was unwilling to call you out openly?

Welt leads you down the sleeping cart aisle, maintaining a respectful distance from you the whole while.

He uses the handle of his cane to tap on his door handle, a jolt of pink-red magic and a click of the door’s locking mechanism and you are presented with your chance to talk to Welt Yang privately.

Welt’s eyes meet yours expectantly. You gulp.

“So. On a scale of one to one hundred how well would you react to me telling you this is a video game?” Yeah, and if this goes poorly you can pretend this was all a joke–!

Welt's previously curious harden into something more serious. “What?”

Ah fuck, nope, nevermind. “Hahaha.” It’s fake and painfully obvious to you both. “Sorry to bother you Mr Yang, I will see myself out.”

“No.” Welt positions himself between you and the exit. “Tell me.”

It’s hard not to spill the beans when those dark amber eyes bore into your very soul. And, you do.

You tell him how you got sucked through your PC and woke up in what should be simply pixels on your monitor. You tell him how you don’t know what to do and how he’s one of the only characters, well, you correct yourself, people, you thought might know how to help you.

Welt’s face is stoic and you purse your lips as your nerve filled ramble comes to an end. “How… odd.”

You’re sure it must be. Especially for him, learning he’s a game franchise’s tool, everything he’s done was all written out and predetermined by forces he has no hope to control.

Welt sits on the edge of his bed, cane used to steady himself. “I need a moment, sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, I’m the interloper here.” You kneel in front of him, trying to comfort the man in any way you can. After a brief hesitation you cover his hand with your own. Perhaps physical contact will bring some sense of consolation.

His brows are furrowed, but your touch lesses it minutely.

“Do you… want to go back?”

It’s a fair question, but you aren’t sure of the answer yourself. Because on one hand, being in this fantasy world with characters you like that treat you nicely is quite literally a dream come true, but on the other hand you have a life. Not anything important, you’re just a person. A person with friends and family and a job that all needs you.

You cannot be sure of how much time will pass before you can leave this world, universe, whatever. Is this even your real body? Is there an empty vessel sitting in your desk chair that will wither and decay while you explore the wide world of Honkai Star Rail? You are led to believe this is your real body due to the sensations that an artificial vessel wouldn’t feel.

But.

There are your favorite characters and they’re so so nice. So far.

Your inner turmoil must be showing on your face because Welt squeezes your hand, running his thumb over the back of your palm.

“I suppose a better question might be: are you comfortable staying in this world for a prolonged period of time?”

This time the answer comes easier, “yes.”

“That certainly makes things easier,” Welt relents.

“Do we tell anyone?” The question brings on another bout of quiet. You wet your lips, nerves still simmering from the confession you made.

“I think it would be best to keep it among the, how shall I phrase it, main characters?” Welt winces. “Who would they be? Me, if you know enough to confide in me, and who else?”

“Well, I don’t think you, the Express, like all the main characters, but,” you sigh, beginning to count off who you can think of. “Caelus, March, Dan Heng, you, Himeko, Sampo, Gepard, Serval, Bronya, Seele, Natasha, Luka, Blade, Kafka, Silver Wolf, Herta; maybe, Asta, Arlan, Jing Yuan, Yanqing, Jinglui, Loucha… There might be more, but they seem to be the most lore relevant and repetitive so far.”

“Yes, I imagine some conflict might crop up with that roster…” Welt thinks. The way his brow furrows and his legs spread (manspreading… drool) is subtly attractive.

Ah, the Stellaron Hunters. You can and will admit you want to see Blade and Kafka badly, but if it could result in… tension, would it be worth it in the long run? Just to satiate your thirst? They’re so imposing in the best way possible.

“Hm. Do you want to tell them?” Welt interrupts your little Kafka slash Blade slash you fantasy.

After a moment of mentally debating, you decide that, “yes, I do. All of them.”

“Very well.” Welt gives a reassuring smile, “I will support you in any path you may choose to take.” And if that didn’t make butterflies flutter all the way from the pit of your tummy up to your throat.

“If they were to ask; how am I going to prove myself? Is there something that can show I’m not from this world?” Sudden anxiety seizes you, will your favorite characters mock you? You’d die.

“There’s nothing to say they won’t believe you. You’ve convinced me after all.” It helps you stay calm, and you nod seriously. There’s another gap where neither of you speak.

“Who will we see first, do you know?”

“How about the whole Express has a meeting and we can decide from there, sound good?” Ah, that smile. A shot to the heart it is.

“Yes, thank you, Mr Yang.” Your face is hot when you say it, suddenly desperate to leave the room and cool yourself.

Oblivious to your sudden burst of attraction, Welt continues on. “Of course, always feel free to stop by my room. I’d like to extend an invitation as the others have, if you want to rest in my room, you’re welcome to.”

Rounding up the entire Astral Express doesn’t take as long as you expected it to. Himeko was in her room; and March, Caelus, and Dan Heng weren’t far from the loading deck; and Pompom is always on the Express.

“So.” You start, folding your hands together and looking at everyone around the table. They’re all watching you, and it’s really sort of scary, but you need to be brave. “I’m not from… here.”

Honestly they take the news well. Sure there were some questions, some you knew the answer to, others you are unsure of yourself.

“Is that why,” Caelus cuts themself off. “I feel drawn to you.”

“Drawn to me?” Your head tilts curiously, “could you expand on that?”

“I feel it too,” Dan Heng murmurs, eyeing Caelus. At this you lean back, furrowing your brows in thought.

“Oh?” March leans into Dan Heng’s seat. “I think I know what they’re talking about.”

“Something, emotionally, maybe, makes me want to be close with you,” Himeko speaks to you directly for the first time. “It’s like a tugging in my chest telling me to care about you.”

Ignoring the blatant rush of heat to your cheeks, Caelus expands on Himeko’s words. “Exactly. I can’t explain how or why, but I feel that you’re important, at least to me.”

Fuck, they’re going to make leaving so hard, won’t they? They can’t just say things like that.

“Oh.” Processing those words is hard.

Noting the way you’ve halted and your body language, March hovers a hand over your forearm, debating whether to touch you.

“Does that make you uncomfortable?” She asks, already sounding let down.

“No! No, not at all. It’s just.” You laugh, not out of humor or joy, but something nervous. “If you guys say things like that I’m not going to want to leave.”

“What if we don’t want you to leave?”

“I think that’s a conversation for another day, Caelus.” Welt steers the conversation back on track; what you really came to ask: “Where are we stopping first?”

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#verified hyperfixat post #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #trailblazer x reader #welt x reader #march 7th x reader #dan heng x reader #himeko x reader #astral express x reader #hsr x you #hsr x y/n #hsr x gender neutral reader #star rail x reader #sahsrau #sorta #isekai #honkai star rail isekai #tagging is hard

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meanbossart · 5 months

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do you have any thoughts on cazador as a character? personally i really loved the parallels between him and astarion & the way that the master/spawn relationship is used as an allegory for cyclical abuse. the scene with cazador’s master’s skull where you find out that he was once victimized in the exact same way that he later victimized astarion was really a lightbulb moment for me re: what vampirism represents in this game.

BOY DO I, i don't think much of it hasn't already been said, though. He's a tragic character in his own right of course, not that that takes away from the awful man he is.

Me and my boyfriend make fun of him a lot, we call him "the best BG3 character" as a little inside joke between us and come up with ridiculous scenarios of things that might have occurred throughout those 200 miserable years the spawn had under his command lol. Maybe he had a month where he was really specific about the shoes everyone wore, maybe once every other decade he had a weird week where he tried to be "nice" only to become frustrated when his efforts weren't immediately met in kind by the rightfully-terrified spawn, maybe between all the torture and horrific-ness he just did some plain weird shit like making someone crouch by in his fainting couch and wait by open-handed for grapes that he dramatically chewed on and then spat right out since he can't actually eat them lmao

And that's hysterical but I think we also started doing that because when you meet Cazador, when you first hear his voice and see his demeanor in person your immediate reaction is probably somewhere along the lines of "THIS is the clown you were so scared of, Astarion?"

And the answer is, of course, yes. This embarrassing little man stuck in a cage of his making instills fear beyond comprehension in Astarion and all his siblings. This man who undoubtedly showed all these spawn, inadvertently, the strangest, most arguably "human" aspects of himself at some point or another during these two centuries they had together is also an absolute monster. And i really like that! I think its far more effective and fitting for his story than if he was, lets say, a Ketheric type.

(this got very long so, more under the cut)

Look at Ascended Astarion in the epilogue now, for example. Everyone agrees that he's an absolute fucking dork - and I think we all also agree that he will go on to destroy the lives of many people beyond repair, especially his own, until the day he is killed.

In the topic of vampirism as an allegory for abuse, I both agree and also don't, at least not exactly - i just think it's deeper than that. I've spoken about this in another post but i find it incredibly refreshing how, to me, it seems like Baldur's Gate 3 has no interest in painting vampirism as sexy or fun past a surface level. It's a curse that nobody asks for unless put in a situation where they feel as if they have no other way out, and it shapes and haunts you for the rest of your undead existence.

Even if you enjoy its benefits at first, that has a time limit. You will see your family and loved ones die, you will see culture evolve while you stay perpetually the same. You will experience so much hurt and pain because the only thing that makes life truly sweet is knowing that it is finite, and eventually it will wear down all of your humanity. And since you can't die unless you are scorched by the sun, staked, or dismembered, you must live with the knowledge that you will never have a peaceful death - and since you won't have a peaceful death, you better not die - and if you don't want to die, you better not be weak - and if you don't want to be weak, you must seek out power at all cost and slash things like love and friendship out of your life.

And what is funny, is that in his attempt to be more like a mortal - to eat, drink, walk the sun, such incredibly simple desires - Cazador (and Astarion, if he ascends) is accidentally only drawing further away from the person he supposedly once was, because that fear of weakness has already utterly corrupted his soul.

That's quite a grim way to look at it, of course. But I genuinely think that it is the natural conclusion of something like immortality.

That's why I quite like that, even after Astarion has found happiness, even after he finds his peace, he still doesn't exactly embrace being a vampire - because It's not something he should be expected to embrace. I think it's a very unique take on the trope.

I also want to leave here this message written by his character writer, which really got me thinking about him on a deeper level since i saw it months ago. It is specifically about the sexual aspect, but I think it branches beyond it too, when you think about it.

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #astarion #text #ask #cazador szarr

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fantasyescapes17 · 11 months

Text

Scandal (Part 4, Final)

The Viscount's sister with an enormous dowry, beauty and unmistakable talent- you began the London season as the most desired woman in any room. But Jeon Wonwoo (a man who would rather hide in the library than dance at a ball) is beyond your comprehension. Curiosity might have killed the cat, but it embroiled you into a scandal with a man you could never love.

Genre: Wonwoo x Female!reader. Regency!AU (It's sort of Bridgerton-esque in the sense that I give zero attention to historical accuracy and prioritize aesthetics lmao) You are Joshua's sibling so your maiden name is Hong but the reader has no other physical characteristics.

Word Count: 6.7k+

Part 1 Part 2 (Part 3)

Series Masterlist [Reading Candle and Manners, the earlier installments in this series first is strongly recommended as main character dynamics are introduced there.]

Wonwoo carefully helped you down from the carriage. He offered you his arm and you leaned closer to him than you would normally have done- taking the opportunity to catch a whiff of his soothing scent.

It was the evening of the children's performance and a number of villagers had gathered in the gardens behind the orphanage. Sister Lynn waited by the entrance, ready to greet you and Wonwoo as soon as you descended your carriage.

"Mr. and Mrs. Jeon," she greeted you breathlessly. "I am so grateful to you for coming tonight. The children are incredibly excited to be performing for you. I have already reserved seats in the garden. This way, please…"

You followed Sister Lynn. The garden had been set up with a makeshift stage and rows of chairs. As you walked past, many of the villagers stopped to curtsey and greet you politely. Their smiles were more genuine than before and you noticed more warmth coming from some of them than you had felt during your infrequent strolls in the market.

"The villagers seem more friendly than they used to," you murmured to Wonwoo. He angled his head slightly downwards to listen to you. "It must be because you are with me. They respect you."

Wonwoo shook his head. "I cannot take credit for that. This is your own doing. They have heard of your contributions for the orphanage."

You hesitated. "Surely not…"

"My family has been donating money to the orphanage for years but you are the first noblewoman to spend time with the children. The skills you are teaching the girls- music and French- these are skills the nobility usually hoards to themselves. By teaching them to these children, you have made a statement."

You looked up at Wonwoo in surprise.

"It was not my intention to make any statements. I only felt it was unfair that the children did not have the opportunity to learn these skills elsewhere."

"That these children deserve the same opportunities as noble-born children- that is a statement in itself."

You did not know how to answer so you stayed silent. Teaching the children had been a welcome distraction and not an act of rebellion against the societal class structure. You were not sure that you would have volunteered your time for something like this had you still been in London.

But you were not in London. Mrs. Jeon was not a fashionable London debutante. She was the wife of a nobleman in the countryside.

Perhaps it did not really matter what you would have done in your past life.

Sister Lynn had reserved a pair of seats in the front row that were draped in a red cloth to make them stand out. It was evident that you and your husband were the most important guests of the evening, and had been given the prime seats.

Fred came running up to you as soon as you sat down.

"Mrs. Jeon!" he greeted you shyly. He was holding something behind his back and he held it out to you. "I made this for you."

It was a small rose made of red paper. You could not help it- the innocent gesturebrought a smile to your face.

"Thank you, Fred! It is beautiful!" you told the young boy. He smiled and his ears turned pink before he ran back to join the other children waiting by the stage. Wonwoo looked down at the flower and then back up at you- the surprise on his face was unmistakable.

You raised an eyebrow at him. "You need not look so surprised, Wonwoo. As you should know, I have admirers everywhere."

Wonwoo shook his head.

"Your receiving a flower from a child does not surprise me. I was surprised because I have not seen you smile like that… since we were in London."

"Perhaps I have not had much reason to smile since we were in London. You should try giving me a rose sometime. I will be happy to grant you a smile in return," you teased.

Wonwoo looked at you for a long moment and said nothing in response. You wondered if you had overstepped; your husband had not been particularly receptive to flirtation even before he was married. You cleared your throat and turned away but were surprised when Wonwoo suddenly leaned in to murmur in your ear.

"I… would have given you more than one," he said in his calm, deep voice. "Roses must be given in threes."

You felt your heartbeat quicken.

"Empty words considering I have one rose from Fred and none from you, Mr. Jeon," you retorted lightly.

Wonwoo simply shook his head and turned his attention back to the stage as Sister Lynn called for all the guests to settle down; but you could see that the corner of Wonwoo's lips were curved up in the hint of a smile.

"Take your seats, please!" Sister Lynn called out to all the villagers who settled down in the rows of chairs behind you. "The performances are about to begin!"

You settled down to watch. Each of the children had prepared something different and although you had been spending plenty of time with them of late, their talents still surprised you. Fred and some of the other boys performed an amusing little play that they had written themselves. Amelia sang a beautiful French song that you had taught her. Little Jia could not sing- but she recited some poetry in French and her accent was flawless. All the children were treated to generous applause and praise by the audience.

Marie was the last to perform. You were surprised when four of the villagers came in carrying the heavy pianoforte from the orphanage and placed it by the side of the stage.

Sister Lynn called for the attention of the audience.

"Marie will play a waltz that she has been practising on the piano," Sister Lynn announced with a smile. "Our generous benefactress Mrs. Jeon informs us that this is the same waltz which was played last season at the ball hosted by the Duchess of Graham in London- so we are in for a very rare treat indeed."

Wonwoo turned to you with furrowed eyebrows.

"The ball hosted by the Duchess of Graham? Was that not the ball where we-"

"Hush," you said quickly. "Let us dance."

"Dance?" Wonwoo asked you in mild disbelief. "Here? At a children's performance?"

The opening notes of the waltz began. Marie's playing was excellent; you had taught her well. You stood and held your hand out to Wonwoo. Some of the other villagers had also risen from their seats and were beginning to dance- although, having never properly learnt the waltz, they were doing a clumsy imitation of the steps.

"It is the same Viennese waltz that is often played at balls in London. I am sure you recognise it- despite your aversion to social events," you quipped.

Wonwoo took your hand and followed you a short distance away from the chairs. You stepped closer to him- one hand clasped in his, the other placed on his shoulder. You had not worn gloves this evening as formal gloves had seemed excessive in the presence of the villagers.

Wonwoo's bare hand clasped yours. His fingers were warm as he placed his other hand on your back and the simple, but intimate gesture made your heart skip a beat.

"For a man that almost never danced at balls, you are a surprisingly good dancer," you told him with a smile as he slowly guided you into the waltz.

Wonwoo raised an eyebrow at you. "I was trained, like any other gentleman. My mother had me and my sister take formal dance lessons before we entered society."

"Yes; but skills such as dancing often grow rusty from lack of use," you teased him.

"You seem to be grossly underestimating the amount of dancing I did in London. It may not have been enough to suit my mother or the young ladies of the ton, but it was still plenty. I am surprised that you and I have never danced before."

You laughed at the hypocrisy. "How can you possibly be surprised that we have never danced before when you have never asked me to dance?" you demanded.

Wonwoo bit his lip. "You would not have accepted me."

"Nonsense. You were the one who was miserly about granting dances. I never turned one down. I even danced with Mr. Park multiple times- although he constantly trod on my toes and ruined a very pretty pair of shoes I had."

"Then I am out of excuses," Wonwoo confessed.

"You could have told me that you were too nervous to dance with me because of my superior dancing skills," you offered with a playful smile. "That would have been an acceptable excuse."

Wonwoo chuckled. "No. That would have been a bare-faced lie."

You allowed Wonwoo to lead you gently and expertly through the waltz. Many of the villagers had paused their own dancing to watch you- but Wonwoo seemed entirely unconcerned about the audience that you had gathered. He never faltered in his step.

For a brief moment it felt magical. The dark thoughts and worries and loneliness that had incessantly bogged down every waking hour of your life for the past few months disappeared and were replaced with a sort of childish giddiness.

Wonwoo's bare fingers entwined with yours; and his dark but gentle eyes looked down at you steadily without once avoiding your gaze. He lightly bit his soft lips in an attempt to concentrate on the waltz and for a quick moment you could see what you had never seen before. You caught a glimpse through the windows of the fortress he had built around his heart and saw the shadow of a vulnerable, hesitant, caring man trapped on the inside.

"Wonwoo…"

The waltz came to an end. There was a loud applause for Marie and also for you and your husband- many of the villagers had admired your skilful dancing.

"Thank you for the dance," you told your husband lightly as you took a step back from him. He nodded and released you quickly. He was flustered as he only now realised that you had been observed by most of the villagers.

"We should have more music!" one of the villagers suggested. "So that we might dance more!"

Marie, still sitting at the piano, blushed with embarrassment.

"I only learned how to play the one waltz," she admitted shyly. She looked up and her eyes met yours across the garden. "But Mrs. Jeon can play so many more! Mrs. Jeon, would you play us a song that everyone can dance to?"

You hesitated and looked around at the expectant faces. "I-I couldn't. This performance was for the children, it is not my place-"

Wonwoo interrupted you. "I think you should play."

You gave him a sharp look. "What?"

"Play them a song," he replied simply.

You glanced around at the watching villagers and then leaned closer to Wonwoo, lowering your voice "At the children's performance? I hope you are not going to accuse me of being vain if one of them cries because I played better than them?"

"I think Marie may cry if you do not play."

You were surprised when Wonwoo gently took your hand and led you towards the instrument. Marie beamed and vacated the seat for you- you sat in front of the piano and took a deep breath.

"Well- how about a lively one?" you suggested.

You sat down and allowed your fingers to dance over the instrument in a lively waltz- something that the villagers would find entertaining despite not knowing the exact dance steps. Many of them began to dance again. Marie sat down on the stool beside you to watch you play with great interest.

Wonwoo moved a short distance away and leaned against the garden fence to watch you play in silence. You had to focus on the keys so you could not afford to look at him very much- but Marie's eyes were constantly flickering towards your husband.

"Mr. Jeon seems to admire your playing greatly," Marie whispered to you innocently. "Is that how he fell in love with you? Did you perform for him in London and he fell in love?"

You wanted to laugh.

"That is not what happened," you told her. "Where did you get that idea?"

Marie looked flustered. "I read in a book that gentlemen are often impressed by ladies who have excellent musical skills."

"True," you admitted. "But that was not the case with Mr. Jeon."

"Then how did he fall in love with you?"

You bit your lip as you tried to focus on the tune you were playing. You could not blame Marie for her innocent question; it was impossible for her to understand the circumstances behind your marriage that made it difficult for you to answer. For all she knew, you and Mr. Jeon were a perfectly happy married couple.

"You shall have to ask him that," you said simply.

Marie gasped. "I could never! Mr. Jeon looks so terribly serious all the time- although Sister Lynn says he is a very kind person and that we must be very grateful to him."

"But he could smile more," you agreed.

"Yes, I suppose he could. He is frowning at us even now," Marie giggled.

The waltz came to an end; your face was warm with pleasure and you could not stop the smile from spreading across your face when the villagers applauded your performance generously. You stood and thanked them as Wonwoo approached you.

"It is growing late," he told you quietly as he offered you his arm. "Perhaps we should take our leave."

Marie suddenly stood from the stool as well. Her face was flushed as she looked up at your husband.

"Mr. Jeon," she began boldly. "What is it that made you fall in love with Mrs. Jeon?"

Wonwoo looked taken aback by the young girl's sudden question. His eyes widened and he turned to you in confusion. You shook your head lightly- don't ruin her innocence, play along, you tried to tell him with your eyes.

Wonwoo paused for a moment and then looked back down at the little girl.

His response was quiet.

"I fell in love with her because she shines so brightly."

—------------------------------------------------------------

You awoke early the next morning.

The sunlight streaming through your curtains was not as bright as usual. You were accustomed to sleeping in rather late; it was not as though you were needed anywhere in the mornings, and Mrs. Betsy was more than happy to keep breakfast for you even if you did not come downstairs in time.

But for once, you awoke unusually early and went downstairs hoping- almost expecting- to see your husband.

"Good morning, Mrs. Jeon!" the housekeeper greeted you in surprise when she saw you appear in the breakfast parlour. "You are awake earlier than usual. I will bring out your breakfast momentarily."

You nodded and sat down. "Thank you, Mrs. Betsy. Has… has Mr. Jeon eaten?"

Mrs. Betsy blinked at you in surprise. It was rare for you to ask about your husband; the two of you almost never ate breakfast together.

"I am afraid Mr. Jeon left early this morning for the neighbouring town to take care of some matters of the estate," she informed you simply. "He should return tomorrow."

You nodded. "Oh. I see."

"Were you expecting him?"

"No, no particularly," you said dismissively. You felt suddenly embarrassed that your housekeeper had noticed your disappointment. You thought that after the lovely evening you had spent with your husband at the orphanage, he might actually have breakfast with you. You cleared your throat. "Has the post arrived?"

"Yes, of course."

You busied yourself reading a letter from Ella that contained some gossip about the ton- but your eyes stared blankly at her words without taking them in. Your mind was still replaying moments from the previous night.

The feeling of Wonwoo's fingers entwined with yours, the small smile on his handsome face when you teased him, the way you had been lost in his dark eyes as he guided you through the waltz…

You had danced with possibly hundreds of men before but had never quite felt the same way.

Was it because he was your husband? Was it because, for the first time since your marriage, you had allowed yourself to look at Jeon Wonwoo, really look at the man clearly instead of through lenses clouded by your own self-pity and misery, and see him for who he truly was? That small glimpse of Wonwoo behind his fortress walls was not enough.

You wanted more.

You suddenly craved more of him.

You felt restless for the next two days as you paced the house and waited for Wonwoo's return. You had never bothered to do so before- your husband often spent the night away when he was off on business matters, and you had never once cared to worry about his return.

It was the third day after his absence that you finally heard the sound of the carriage rolling up to the Jeon manor. Snowball perked up his ears and ran to the front entrance of the manor faster than you. The carriage had stopped in front of the main entrance and a man descended- but it was not your husband.

"Joshua?" you asked in shock.

The Viscount and Viscountess Hong descended the carriage. Snowball immediately leapt at your brother, and your sister-in-law came to throw her arms around you.

"Oh; my dear, it is such a relief to see you!" she cried as she embraced you warmly. You embraced her in return- it had been months since you had seen your family and you could not help the tears that pricked your eyes.

"I have missed you so much," you admitted as you hugged her back. Joshua finally managed to hand Snowball off to a servant and came over to give you a warm hug as well. Your brother gripped your shoulders and frowned down at you.

"You look terrible," he told you bluntly.

His wife swatted him. "Joshua!" she cried. "How can you say that to her?"

You did not mind at all; you were far too happy to see them and you called for Mrs. Betsy and the servants to carry their belongings inside and prepare rooms for them. Joshua watched you flitter about with a frown on his face, as you ushered them into the parlour and called for tea and refreshments.

"What brings you here?" you asked Joshua eagerly as your brother and sister-in-law sat down in the parlour. "You did not even write that you were coming- or did I miss your letter? Perhaps I have not been keeping up with my correspondence…"

"We will not be staying long," Joshua replied simply. "We have only come to take you with us."

You blinked at him. "Take me with you? Where?"

"Home, sister."

You stared at him in confusion. "Home? But what…" your eyes widened, suddenly fearing the worst. "Is something wrong with Mother?"

"Mother is healthy and well. Luckily, she does not know what you have been going through," Joshua replied simply. His jaw was clenched; your brother suddenly seemed very unlike himself. "Instead of asking the servants to prepare rooms for us, I think it would be best if you asked them to pack your belongings."

"I don't… I don't understand…"

The Viscountess sat beside you and took your trembling hand in hers. Her voice was gentle. "My dear, I know you have been trying to hide it in your letters but we are aware of how miserable you have been. Mr. Jeon has been corresponding with your brother. We are very worried for your health."

You stiffened. "My health is fine-"

"Mr. Jeon tells us that you have been quite depressed. That you sit in the drawing room for days on end without moving, that you never speak and you never smile. He wrote to us to say that he thought it was best if you went back home."

You felt like you had been slapped.

"Wonwoo wrote to you to take me home?"

Joshua nodded. "Yes. He wrote to me on Sunday and we left immediately upon receiving the letter. I know that you probably did not want to scare us, sister… but you should have said something in your letters. We would never have expected you to stay here if we knew you were so miserable even after all this time."

You could barely hear what your brother was saying. Your head suddenly spun; had Wonwoo done this? He had called your brother to come take you away without a word? Now, after you had finally reached out to him and were beginning to see a glimpse of hope in your future with him?

You felt…

Betrayed.

You stood suddenly. "No, this does not make sense. Surely Wonwoo would not have done this now. Not after the other evening, I…"

"Sister-"

"Mrs. Betsy!" you yelled for the housekeeper, your voice trembling. The older woman came running into the room, wide-eyed. "Where exactly is my husband?"

"I-I believe he is at the inn in the neighbouring town, madam-"

"Send a manservant on horseback to him at once and tell him that I demand him to return home this very instant," you ordered shakily. When the housekeeper stared at you without moving, you clenched your fists. "Was I not clear, Mrs. Betsy? I require this to be done right now!"

"Of course, madam."

You took a deep breath and tried to calm yourself. Surely there was some misunderstanding. It would be resolved. Wonwoo had simply expressed his concerns about your behaviour and your overprotective brother had jumped to his own conclusions…

"You should both go to your rooms to refresh yourselves and dress for supper," you told your brother and sister-in-law. "I… need a few moments."

"Of course."

You felt light-headed for the rest of the evening. Your thoughts were bogged down by a dense fog in your mind as you waited for Wonwoo to arrive. Your stomach clenched, and although you finally sat down to supper with the Viscount and Viscountess, the delicious food only made you feel nauseous.

You had just begun to eat when Mrs. Betsy came into the dining room hurriedly.

"Mr. Jeon has arrived," she announced.

You leapt to your feet as Wonwoo entered the dining room. His eyes were red and his dark hair tousled and windswept; he appeared to have ridden here directly on horseback. He avoided looking at you.

"Viscount Hong, Viscountess Hong," Wonwoo greeted them with a stiff nod. His voice was slightly hoarse.

Your sister-in-law smiled at him.

"Thank you for having us at your home, Mr. Jeon," she said before turning to your brother expectantly. The Viscount said nothing. He did not even stand to greet Wonwoo. His wife nudged him sharply.

"Joshua!" she mumbled.

Your brother looked up at Wonwoo with an expression you had almost never seen on the Viscount's famously kind and gentle countenance- carefully controlled anger.

"I have nothing to say to Mr. Jeon," Joshua replied.

Wonwoo's eyes widened but he was silent. He simply nodded and turned his head away, almost as though accepting defeat. You stood from the table abruptly.

"That does not matter, since I have plenty to say to him," you interrupted the tense silence before striding to the dining room entrance. "Let us speak in your study, Wonwoo."

You did not look back as you took determined, trembling steps towards Wonwoo's study. You could hear your husband following you. You stood silently, one hand on the back of a chair to balance yourself as you waited for Wonwoo to enter the room and close the door behind him.

"Did you write to my brother to tell him to take me home?" you demanded.

Wonwoo was silent. His body was facing you but his eyes were unfocused, looking at the polished wooden floor near your feet instead of into your eyes. His jaw was clenched tightly.

"Wonwoo?" you demanded again, when multiple seconds had passed and he still had not answered.

"...Yes," he replied. "Yes, I did."

Your legs felt weak and your grip on the back of the chair tightened- you were now using it as a crutch to stay standing upright.

"Why?" you asked quietly.

Wonwoo took a deep breath. He would still not look at you. His entire body was stiff and he seemed perfectly satisfied to continue staring at the floor without answering you.

"Wonwoo!" you demanded again.

"I don't know what to say."

You felt a burst of anger explode inside of you at the sight of his lips pressed firmly together.

"Well, you will have to say something! You cannot just stand there in silence and allow me to come up with my own explanations for this… this drastic step that you seemed to think was necessary to take without consulting me! How exactly is this supposed to work? We are married. Do you want me gone for a month? A year?"

Wonwoo said nothing.

"Speak to me!" you yelled. The frustration was building rapidly inside of your chest but you could see that the more you demanded it, the more Wonwoo seemed to be shutting himself off from you. His head hung low and he still would not look at you. His eyes were closed.

"Wonwoo," you said slowly, your voice trembling with anger. "If you do not explain yourself then I have no choice but to assume the worst. I will have to assume that living with me and even speaking to me is so wholly repulsive to you that you cannot stand to do it for a moment longer."

Wonwoo was silent.

You felt your heart sink. It felt as though Jeon Wonwoo had reached inside of your chest and used his cold silence to rip out every remaining shred of hope and dignity you had left.

You felt your throat close up. You were foolish. Foolish to think anything could come of this, foolish to still have entertained any hope in the possibility of happiness after months and months of this slow torture.

"Very well," you whispered. "I will pack my things immediately."

You felt yourself walk out of the study as though you were in a dream. Everything was blurred; the walls seemed to dance in your vision as you ran up the stairs and ordered Rosie and two other maids to bring a trunk and pack all your belongings. Your own voice felt disembodied… almost like it belonged to someone else.

The maids were shocked, but the expression on your face prevented them from asking questions. They hurried to obey your orders. You stood stiffly in your room and watched in a daze as the maids pulled dresses out of your wardrobe and began to fold them into the trunks.

The door to your bedroom opened without a knock.

"Leave us," you heard Wonwoo mumble quietly to the maids. They stood and quickly left the room as Wonwoo entered and closed the door behind him.

"Finally thought of something to say?" you asked him coldly.

Wonwoo walked to your bed and sat down on the edge of it. His broad shoulders were hunched and he bent his head forwards as he ran his fingers through his tousled hair.

"I need a moment," he whispered, almost inaudibly.

You waited. Every moment of silence was agony. It could have been second, minutes… time seemed to lose meaning but finally Wonwoo lifted his head to look up at you. His eyes were red and his voice cracked when he spoke.

"I don't know how to do it," he choked out. "I don't know how to make you happy."

"What?"

"I didn't think it would be this difficult. I thought it would pass- that I could learn in time, but I just don't know. It kills me inside knowing that you are going through so much pain. I can't watch it any longer. I can't watch you become a shell of the person you used to be. You used to light up any room you were in like the blazing sun. I can't watch as that light inside of you dies, slowly, with each passing day that you are here."

"Wonwoo…"

He took a shaky breath. "I've failed. But I can't continue to let my failures as a husband destroy you. You deserve a chance at happiness."

You stared at him. Wonwoo's fists were clenched as he gripped the wooden frame of your bed. His knuckles were white.

"So, your solution," you said slowly. "Your solution was to go behind my back and write to my brother to come and take me away-"

"Your family will know how to fix-"

"Shut up," you hissed. Wonwoo looked up at you in shock. "I don't want to hear your excuses. I have told you this before and I will say it again, Mr. Jeon. I am a grown woman who is capable of making her own choices and decisions. I will not be treated like a child- not by the Viscount and certainly not by my husband!"

Wonwoo swallowed and said nothing.

"And the audacity- the audacity you have to claim that you have failed at something that you never once tried to do!" you snapped. "Tell me, Mr. Jeon. Tell me what valiant attempts you made to make me happy or even be a good husband to me."

"I-I tried to give you your space, your freedom…"

You laughed. "Space? Freedom? You abandoned me here. You built an impenetrable iron wall the size of a godforsaken fortress between us and you left me here to rot!"

"Every conversation we have had somehow turns to an argument. You never wanted this marriage, you never wanted to marry me, and I did not want to force myself upon you unwillingly!" Wonwoo retorted, his eyes flaming.

"Then you should have said so! You should have spoken to me instead of running away because a marriage cannot sustain itself on silence, Wonwoo! No relationship can sustain itself on silence! You had to speak to me and tell me how you were feeling!"

Wonwoo stood and went to the large window in your bedroom. He turned his back to you as his hand grabbed the windowsill.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Your anger slowly deflated. "No, I… you are not alone in fault. I share the blame. I was too wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself and mourning the life I lost. I watched you build distance between us and I did nothing to stop it. I never gave this marriage a chance. Neither of us gave this marriage a proper chance. For heaven's sake, that connecting door has been locked since our wedding night."

Wonwoo's eyes briefly flickered towards the connecting door that led to his bedroom and nodded.

"Maybe so," he admitted quietly. "Maybe we never really tried hard enough."

You stepped closer to him.

"But I thought things were changing," you confessed weakly. "I thought maybe we were finally beginning to understand each other. After that night at the orphanage, when we danced together and you were speaking to me and smiling at me, I finally, finally felt…"

Wonwoo turned to look at you.

"What?" he asked gently.

"I finally felt like you were my husband," you finished. "But clearly I was mistaken, since whatever happened that evening prompted you to write to my brother to take me away."

Wonwoo bit his lip.

"I saw how happy you were that night," he admitted. "I know that we never spent much time together or got along in London but… whatever disagreements we may have had, you were always someone that shined so brightly wherever you went. I saw that light die out when you married me. I was beginning to think it was gone forever. But I saw a glimmer of it when we danced and when you played the piano. I thought it was better if you went back to your family before that light died out completely."

You stepped closer to him. Wonwoo's dark eyes searched for yours and you could see the way his lower lip trembled.

"I was happy that night," you told him gently. "But it was not because I missed dancing or music. It was because I finally felt some hope for my future. I caught a glimpse of you-of the real you that you hide behind your silence- and I thought that if only I could see more of that man, I might someday come to love him."

Wonwoo's jaw tightened. "Do you mean that?"

"More than anything."

He turned away from the window and closed the distance between you both with one large stride- and then he kissed you.

You had not expected it. It was not something that you had ever even dared to imagine, kissing Wonwoo. But his warm hands slid into the strands of your hair and he pulled you flush against him as his lips closed softly and passionately over yours.

You took a few moments to react. You had never been kissed before, but your body was a few steps ahead of your mind and it melted naturally and comfortably against Wonwoo's. Your hands grasped at his broad shoulders and you pulled yourself closer to him. Your lips parted for him eagerly, inhaling his familiar scent, and enjoying the rush of adrenaline that was pumping through every inch of your body.

Wonwoo pulled back breathlessly after a few moments- he pressed his forehead to yours and you felt his warm breath against your face.

"Perhaps-" he whispered breathlessly. "Perhaps I should not have…"

"No," you insisted as you brought your hand up to rest on the side of Wonwoo’s neck and brushed his cheek with your thumb. "No, Wonwoo, we should have done this long, long ago."

He nodded. You felt his shoulders relax and his dark eyes flickered down to yours. There was a hesitation mixed with a deep longing behind them.

"Do you still want me to return with my brother?" you whispered.

He swallowed. "I don't… I don't know."

"What does that mean?"

"I want you to be happy," Wonwoo said firmly. "If you stay here, and you are still lonely and miserable…"

"I don't know where or how I will be happy," you told him gently. "But if things here change… if we open up to each other more, if we can spend more time together and discuss our feelings and set aside all the guilt and resentment and anger…"

Wonwoo took a deep breath.

"I don't know if I can make you happy," he admitted to you hesitantly. "I don't know if I can make you love me."

"It's not a question of making me do anything, Wonwoo. You need to stop considering my happiness as some burden that you have to bear in silence, and simply be here, with me. That is all I ask."

"I can do that."

"And I will stop pitying myself and mourning the life I left behind," you told him. "And I will try-genuinely try- to rebuild a new life with you."

"Do you think we can do this?"

"We owe it to each other to try."

"All right," Wonwoo said gently. He brought his hand up to caress your cheek and you saw the warmth, the hope in his own expression. You saw the vulnerability in his eyes when he spoke. "Then let us try again. Together. Stay with me, please."

"I will."

—-----------------------------------------------

Viscount Hong was not pleased when you informed him that you would not be going back with him the next morning. He watched in stony silence as his wife arranged for all their belongings to be reloaded onto their carriage.

"Joshua," you tried to soothe his anger.

He ignored you. He was looking at your husband.

"You made me a promise," Joshua said coldly, frowning at Wonwoo. "The night when the scandal broke out, when you offered to marry my sister… you promised me that you would do everything in your power to keep her safe and happy. I trusted you and vouched for you; as a friend and a fellow gentleman."

Wonwoo took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I made mistakes, I-"

"Wonwoo, stop," you insisted firmly. "You don't need to explain anything to my brother, what happened between us is about our marriage-"

Joshua frowned. "Then how do I trust him again?"

"There is no need for you to trust Wonwoo. You can trust me. I am telling you that I want to stay here, Joshua- it is that simple."

The Viscountess called out to her husband-"My dear, the carriage is waiting!" and Joshua finally embraced you in a brotherly hug.

"If something happens, you will write to me," he told you firmly.

"I will."

"Goodbye, sister."

You waved goodbye to the Viscount and Viscountess as they boarded their carriage and it rattled away from the estate. Wonwoo seemed tense- you turned to him with a smile and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Well," you said with a small smile. "Perhaps I should congratulate you on being the only person in this world who has managed to make an enemy out of Viscount Hong."

Wonwoo laughed dryly.

"Very humorous, Mrs. Jeon. I am glad that it pleases you for your brother to hate me," he replied.

You smiled. "He will forgive you."

"I hope so. I am almost grateful that we are not in a position to return to society in London just yet- I know that is where he keeps his duelling pistols."

You giggled. You began to walk back to the manor and you were surprised when Wonwoo suddenly reached out and took your hand in his, lacing your fingers together. There was a small smile on his handsome face.

"How bold," you quipped lightly. "Do you usually go about touching women in this intimate manner?"

"Only when that woman is my wife and I am in my own home," Wonwoo replied.

"Is this an indication that I should unlock the connecting door between our bedrooms?" you teased him lightly.

His ears turned red. "If it pleases you."

"But would it please you?"

Wonwoo pressed his lips together tightly but his grip on your hand did not loosen. "Or perhaps," he suggested with a small smile. "We could go on a honeymoon instead. Have you ever seen Rome?"

You stared at him in disbelief. "Are you serious?"

"Very much so."

"We have been married for many months now. What will people think if we suddenly abandon the estate and take off for Rome like a pair of newlyweds?" you demanded.

Wonwoo chuckled. "People already think many things about us. I sincerely doubt that a trip to Rome will be the breaking point for our reputation in society."

"I will need new dresses if we are to go to Rome," you said thoughtfully. "The seamstresses in the village are competent but they hardly know the latest fashions."

Wonwoo raised an eyebrow.

"I am sure that can be arranged," he replied.

"And new shoes and the latest jewellery. There is no silk to be found in this part of the countryside; we shall have to have it brought in from London. Perhaps a little extra fabric would be best- I've been meaning to have the curtains and upholstery in the drawing room replaced- they are quite dreary. The dining room could do with some refurbishment as well. And Wonwoo…"

He hummed. "Yes?"

You smiled at him. "I have been thinking that a new grand pianoforte would be an excellent addition to the library."

Wonwoo blinked. For a moment his dark eyes were unreadable and you were worried that you had gone too far- but he suddenly used your entwined hands to pull you into him and his other arm wrapped around your waist.

His head came down to place a soft kiss against the side of your neck and he whispered hoarsely in your ear.

"Mrs. Jeon."

"Hmmm," you mumbled.

"Unless you wish to return with your Viscount brother, perhaps it would be best not to spend the entire Jeon family fortune in one day?"

You bit your lip as you nodded. "Y-yes, of course."

"Good," Wonwoo replied as he released you gently. Your face had turned warm and he smiled at how flustered the simple intimate contact had made you. "Let us have breakfast."

"But I will need the dresses-"

He sighed. "Of course, my dear."

—------------------------------------------------------

#wonwoo scenarios #seventeen scenarios #wonwoo angst #wonwoo x reader #seventeen x reader #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #seventeen imagines #regency!au #seventeen fanfiction

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swordcreature · 5 months

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How do you think our tiefling boys would react to our world if they somehow ended up here?

i always find these so cute, but in my head i'm thinking "they would be terrified and ready to stab someone because they are in a strange world where they can't understand anyone" lol

so to make things easier and cuter let's pretend that

1. there are no language barriers

2. no one is trying to kill them/no one's freaking out because they look like devils

3. they're somewhat aware enough of what's happening to not be scared shitless or severely confused

4. they know they're going back home at some point (i would be acting SO different if i thought i was gonna live in a different world forever vs just visiting lmao)

ty for the request you're the best!

Dammon, Rolan, & Zevlor - A Part of Our World

How the tiefling boys react to coming to our world

Dammon:

He’s amazed by the advancements we’ve made, slack-jawed at how we’ve managed to bend metal to form buildings that climb so high he can’t see the top, at how we’ve made metal fly without so much as a single spell, at how we’re able to make metal into machines so big they can move the earth itself.

It’s overwhelming at first and he has so many questions. How does this work? What type of metal is that? What does this do? It never stops.

But every answer is met with true awe. Dammon loves smithing, loves infernal machinery, and he’s been suddenly transported to a world built around his craft, of course he is inspired.

He’s the most open-minded of the tieflings when it comes to a new experience. And just like the Hells, even though this place is foreign, unfamiliar, frightening, he’s eager to learn something from it.

Dammon takes notes on everything he possibly can, sketching out little pictures of the world around him to bring back home.

I could see him being a bit of a terror just because he breaks everything around him trying to figure out how it works, what makes it tick, so to speak. I mean, how could he truly understand the inner workings of, say, a car without taking it apart piece by piece until he has it down to its bare bones.

Overall, I think he comes back home with so many good stories to tell of all the fantastical things he’s seen, all of the new ideas he has, and a renewed purpose in his work.

Rolan:

Rolan absolutely hates our world. It’s just not made for a guy like him.

I mean, first off: no magic. His life revolves around magic, it’s an integral part of him. Without it he feels empty and strange, so this world feels very wrong to him. Imagine being connected to the Weave for years and then suddenly having it stripped away. Completely gone. I would think it would feel disorienting at best.

He finds some interest in speaking to people of this world who practice magic, but it is so entirely different than his own that they're practically talking about two different things. He expected a more tangible magic like the Weave and is disappointed when he learns it’s so vastly incomparable.

Second: the people. There are so many people here. Pretty much anywhere he goes, the population would be bigger and denser than anything he’s used to. And it’s not like he’s a people person. Not to mention the way humans tend to treat outsiders.

Despite his absolute discomfort in our world, Rolan is determined to write down everything he can of his experience. Not many mortals from his world get to experience traveling the universes, so cataloging his journey is a must.

He’ll write a book once he’s home, and it’ll make a big splash in the academic community, he just knows it!

When he does leave our world for his own, he’s relieved. In his book he makes it sound like this magical wonderland of things beyond most people’s comprehension, but to those close to him he tells them the truth. He was not a fan.

Zevlor:

Zevlor is apprehensive at first. This world is strange – he does not know the customs at all. But he's eager to learn.

He spends his time amongst the people more so than the other two. He is so curious about the traditions of the land, the history of the world, and hearing it from the mouths of the locals is better than getting his hands on any book.

He immerses himself in the cultures he comes across as much as possible; he eats our food and sings our songs and actually has a really good time with it.

I think he finds special interest in the history of combat, how our conflicts have changed throughout time. How did we go from swinging swords and shooting arrows to battling wars from across the world?

Zevlor also tries to teach people of our world about where he comes from. He tells stories from his days as a Hellrider to anyone who will listen and even tries to cook some traditional Elturian food, but it’s hard to do so without the same ingredients.

Overall, he’s more interested in the shared knowledge of culture and information between our world and his. It brings him comfort finding similarities between such different worlds.

When he finally can go back home, he shares his stories with the children first, spinning them tales of the people he met and the things he did. How even in such a foreign place there were still nice people willing to help and to share and to be a friend.

Zevlor is the one who wishes to come back the most.

#bg3 #bg3 dammon #bg3 rolan #bg3 zevlor #dammon #rolan #zevlor #baldur's gate 3 #my writing #requests/suggestions #dragomermacorn #HCs

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lovelyiida · 5 months

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what if pro hero bkg is in a relationship with a reader and she later confesses to him that she is a villain and has been tasked with seducing him but she fell for him fr?? how would he react?

❥: when I go through my asks I always circle back and read this one. And whoever you are out there; I’m finally gonna do it lmao. I think I gave this ask a more poetic adaptation so it may not be the best when it comes to getting straight to the point so I apologize in advance :D

FEM READER X BAKUGO, SEMI-VULGAR LANG (mentions intimate body parts), NO PROOF READ!!

traitor, nymphoid, huntress, cold-hearted, ruthless, calculated.

that’s who you were, and you were never told you were anything else. You had a role within society; kill or be killed. And you decided to kill.

Seven months you’ve been killing, killing ever so slowly—ever so softly.

Kill him with a dagger, kill him with a gun, kill him within an injection. No, kill him with something unexpected…something beyond his own comprehension.

Kill him with love.

You knew he’d be easy to obtain, a young pro-hero experienced within every aspect of heroism. Except for his birth-given right; love.

But where you knew he lacked, you once flourished. A villain isn’t born, a villain is created by the villainy of society.

Sweetheart, caring, selfless, sensual, beautiful, smart…

These words that he called you; foreign to your own being sent shivers down your spine. With every word uttered a piece of you is reformed.

The way his eyes sparkle when his looks into yours. The way his smile grows as he hangs on to your every word. The way the slightest touches sends a spark through your every being.

The way your souls dance within every moment you’re together.

When was the last time you actually danced?

A hidden compassion? All behind closed doors. A connection no one else can see, no one else can know, no one else can understand. A connect you’re willing to give away your life for.

What about killing him? Yearning to end him? Yearning for revenge? Yearning for victory?

Why do you feel so foreign? Why do you yearn to give the deepest parts of your soul to him?

Do you even believe if you showed the real you to him; he would give you his soul in return?

Your souls cannot dance any longer, so why do you yearn for them to merge?

Why do you yearn for him?

Tears, regret, shame, anger, heartbreak…

“So what? What we had wasn’t real?” The young hero looks at you. Eyes glossed in anger as he pried answers from you.

“It was everything I thought it would be” you said, eyes dull; emotionless. You watch as the blonde shifts back into the metal seat. A heartbroken scowl trying not to emerge in front of you, he won’t give you that satisfaction.

“But, it was nothing I could’ve prepared myself for.”

You sat before him, dirty, wounded, defeated, and uncovered. The league of villains were unsuccessful with a certain phase of the plan, and decided to throw you under the bus.

They knew you were the easiest to dispose of, the most weak-minded, the most-likely to break.

Taking a deep breath, you try to look into his eyes but you cower at the sheer thought of an attempt. “Bakugo, what we had didn’t matter to me, you were just a quota with a dick.”

Looking up at him, with a shit-eating grin you pose your best poker face. The blonde was reationless. Slowly standing up; his movements were calculated.

Turning off the camera with ease, he stands and looks into your eyes. A face of disappointment and longing.

“Dispatch—videotape 009 clear” Bakugo shouts out to the air. An “All clear,” sounded off with a loud buzz.

Looking down, you jolt as the iron cuffs slipped from your wrists. The hero then grabs you with force and leads you out the door.

Leading you underground, he then throws you into your cell with force. Huffing out a groan in pain you scurry to the bars.

Eyes filled with tears and lip quivering, you look into his eyes. “Katsuki—“

“Katsuki? You have no right” he scoffed, turning his back to you he begins to walk away.

Frantic, you yell out his name once more. “Katsuki, I love you! I mean that!” You cried. Stopping in his tracks, he turns to look at you once more.

Eyes cold, calculated, evil.

“I gave you a chance in there to prove yourself and you didn’t, y/n.”

“You’re dead to me.”

❥: @xo-evangeline , @nar00 , @king-dynamight , @gold24fish , @lovra974 , @bakugospartner , @gaby-11 , @akqsa-xxi , @jolynegf , @goldenglow149 , @aliruuiz , @zukowantshishonourback , @ilovedenk-i , @atsushiki , @smolbeanzzz , @lem-hhn , @stevenknightmarc , @ryumiii , @idontevenknowlolls , @lyn07 , @kennshifts , @ackerman-suck-3-r , @elegantvoids , @thecurlyhairedgoddess , @sunyrose , @thisbicc , @thekookiecorner , @snxwycloud , @skylardarling

#mha headcanons #lovelyiida #mha imagines #mha x reader #bnha x reader #mha #bnha headcanons #bnha insert #mha fanfiction #bakugo x reader

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twig-tea · 7 months

Text

BL/QL Ask game : The Ugly, the Bad and the Worst

Thank you for the game, @clara-maybe-ontheroad! And thanks for tagging me @clara-maybe-ontheroad and @lurkingshan! I started out by saying to myself that I'm going to do my best to ignore my urges and just answer the first thing that comes to me rather than treating this like a quiz. And then I went into a fugue and worked on this for >5 hours. WHOOPS.

Original version here for anyone else who wants to play!

Also quick warning, this is asking about the worsts, so TW for mentions of horrific plot points below.

Worst soundtrack / weirdest song choice in a BL

Ohhhhh man, ok so the first thought that came to mind was Never Let Me Go, which mostly had fantastic background music, and that's maybe why when it didn't hit it stood out so badly (sorry to my man Pond, not all BL actors should be singers! And having his OST play over their kiss in Part 7 4/4 was just mean). For the record I love this show (actually maybe it should go in one of the below categories because so many tumblr folks dislike it) but this was rough.

Most cringe-inducing line (cute)

These don't tend to stick with me...there are so many, and I am allergic to sincerity so everything earnest is various levels of cringe to me. So with that in mind, basically everything Gavreel ever said in Gameboys counts.

Most cringe-inducing line (actually bad)

Anytime someone said "Once I start I won't be able to stop" or some variation.

Most stupid decision made by a character

Jun Ho deciding to die rather than bite Min Hyun in Kissable Lips. Min Hyun was offering. it would have made Jun Ho human. He could have had his friends around to make sure he didn't go too far and kill him. Instead he decides to fade away in his arms like a dick. WHY.

Special mention to NuengDiao going back to his hotel where his murderous uncle is waiting with no plan other than to walk in wearing a suit and a cocky expression in Never Let Me Go.

[@bengiyo and @wen-kexing-apologist are correct about Teh giving up his spot to Oh Aew in I Told Sunset About You as the actual correct answer, btw]

Worst plot line

Every penultimate episode crises resulting in the leads splitting up so that they can reunite in the finale that are not earned and significantly detract from my enjoyment of a series [this list is not comprehensive]: 2Gether, Minato's Laundromat S2, Enchanté, Love Class, Plus & Minus.

The most problematic show you've watched

I've seen literally all of them so this feels like an unfair question lol there are layers of problematic; like, is it even worth considering all of the problems with A Round Trip to Love, or The Shortest Distance is Round, or What the Duck s2? I wrote out summaries for these and then decided no thanks. If anyone wants to know they can DM me.

In terms of series that are problematic but not often considered problematic, I'm calling out Love Area the series. It hits two of my pet peeves: shitty treatment of a poor character by an oblivious rich love interest that directly affects their sources of income, and an ableist subplot. I think it also has an unearned separation in the penultimate episode but honestly I remember thinking they should stay split up so maybe it was earned.

A show people love but you find bad

Vice Versa. Sorry to all who love that show. I wanted to like it; the colouring and cinematography are beautiful and the alternate universe was neat worldbuilding. But the plot makes me so, so angry.

Ditto Cutie Pie the series. I just can't enjoy it.

A show people find bad but you will defend

Honestly there are several, but the one that is most disliked that I will ride hardest for is probably Secret Crush On You (which I argued ended with one of the most healthy relationships in a BL here LMAO). I get why people find this show hard to watch, the cringe is real. But the gender expression! The found family! The "he's a weirdo and that's why I love him" dynamic! The mutual lusting! The body dysphoria! The fact that both start by playing into BL tropes and it's only by throwing those out that they can actually have a meaningful relationship! The way both characters have real growth! And like yes Toh is a fanboy stalker but that is problematized in the show! It gave us the growth from fanboy to faen that Be Mine Superstar didn't. I have a lot of emotions about this show.

ALSO because I cannot stop, I will forever to my dying breath defend Color Rush. I don't care what you say about dead fish kisses I can't hear you over the incredibly powerful metaphor about the queer experience!

A show that is just objectively bad but you enjoyed it

Bahahhaha. Um. So many, my friends. OH I'm going to take this chance to shout out the lesser-known webseries Discipline Z: Vampire (Korean, YouTube, 2020). It's ostensibly a sequel to Discipline, but the only thing they share is a single character so you don't need to watch it to understand what's happening in Discipline Z (they are entirely different shows in every way; Discipline is more youth slice of life with a queer story as part of the ensemble). Listen, I'm talking about this show in this category for a reason; it's about a vampire who falls for a street dancer, whose motley crew of hacker friends help rescue the vampire from an evil corporation that wants to experiment on him to understand his immortality. It is BAD.

But. BUT! I love it. Everyone is so pretty. There is a cute hacker girlie. There is scifi nonsense to explain immortality. There is a good kiss. There are characters willing to sacrifice to do the right thing. I am a simple woman. [Fair warning to my happy ending only pals: this ending is ambiguous at best; there was supposed to be a follow-up epilogue for the couple, but it never got filmed.]

Bonus, En of Love was absolutely trash and it has a very special place in my heart. It's not good (like, at all), but it's great.

A bad show that you kept watching because you were intrigued/fascinated

Let's go with Physical Therapy the series. At some point I just kept watching like a car wreck to see how bad it could get. Also shout-out to Dinosaur Love, which was...similarly bewildering.

A bad show that you kept watching because you were horny

@lurkingshan already stole my first answer for this, but oh man I stay a Why R U apologist for the Fighter/Tutor chemistry. I actually think somewhere in there is a really interesting show, if the pandemic hadn't made it impossible for them to film the ending that they wanted to, but based on the Korean version and the parts that we were told had to be cut, maybe it would have actually made it worse. But just to get on my soapbox for half a sec, Tutor was in debt, working himself to exhaustion, and Fighter (after he got over himself) protected him at his one job, joined him to help him meet his sales targets at another, hired him for a third, paid off his debt collector to take the pressure off, and then took him on vacation to help him relax--twice. I have issues with depictions of poverty in BL but at least my man secured the bag while also pursuing love or whatever. Also he whispers "get inside me" while they're making out, sorry, Tutor will forever be a fave of mine.

Since that's taken, I'm going to use this as an excuse to shout out the hotness of My Day the Series. It was predominantly not great but the heat moments....

A bad show that you kept watching because of that one character

I'm giving this to Noey Watplu from I Will Knock You. I was obsessed with him. I want his confidence so badly. I love how he's essentially a dork in cosplay but gets away with it because of his rizz. Truly iconic. This man decided he was being seduced and said "bet". I really enjoyed this show because of him and him alone.

A bad show that you would still recommend

I'm going to put Ghost Host Ghost House here. It's "bad" in the sense that it had low production values (like, really bad, so bad the time of day changes at random because they lost the light while filming). But the romance was cute, the story around the romance was interesting, the worldbuilding around the merit credits was fascinating, the side mystery was so heartbreaking, the various characters actually had a lot of difficult emotions to portray, and overall I think this show is underrated.

I also already have and will again recommend YYY as a fun and fascinating watch to anyone who asks about it, @waitmyturtles is correct on that call.

The character that ruined a show the most

There are several annoying sides in BL, but I'm giving this to the side hets in My Oxygen. A fujoshi who records people without their consent for online clout is bad. A doctor using his role as a doctor to get closer to his patient is really bad. Pretending to be interested in his friend because the girl he likes is a fujoshi is worse; then using her brother as his friend's stand-in when his friend won't put up with it anymore is the WORST.

Most awful character that you hated

I mean, Lhong in TharnType takes it for not only arranging the gang rape of Tar, but being forgiven for it in the series. Neung in Tonhon Chonlatee comes a close second for attempting to rape Chonlatee and then claiming the moral high ground against his homophobic "friend". Tony in History 5: Love in the Future doesn't get enough hate for trying to murder someone just because he was his love rival. Namning in La Cuisine had her love rival bullied, beaten and who knows what she was going to do with that gun. Also shoutout to @wen-kexing-apologist's answer of Korn, in KinnPorsche, he was so insidiously evil, it was so well done.

Most awful character that you loved

I'm going with "awful" as not necessarily (just) morally bad but that people didn't like: Jaime from Win Jaime's Heart. Objectively he's a fuckboi of the worst calibre. He agrees to go on a webshow in which he dates Heart so that he can seduce the creator of the show Winston. And Jaime is so charming that I don't care about his bi wrongs (partially, to be fair, because the premise is ridiculous so it's hard to take too seriously).

Special mention (because it's not a series) to Wine in Red Wine in the Dark Night. I love a murder twink (speaking of, things are looking really good for me to stay in love with Ai Di from Kiseki if it keeps on this track).

If we're interpreting "awful" as characters that other people don't like, it'll probably go to Toh from Secret Crush on You or Gus in Diary of Tootsies. They're flawed, they're femme, they're fantastic.

A character that wasn't awful but that you just don't like

Can in Love By Chance and the sequels. Tinn is an asshole and knows it; Can is an asshole but is also self-righteous, but in all honesty his biggest flaw for me is that he's not competent and I have little patience for that.

A hero that should have been a villain

Tempted to give this to Ko from Love Poison for essentially trying to love spell date rape his love interest--this is only not that bad because magic isn't real so of course it doesn't do anything.

Possibly Athit (Boun's character) from Even Sun? I put a question mark there because this was so convoluted and hard to follow I'm not even 100% sure I remember it right, but from what I remember, this was not a romantic story at all.

Taking a totally different approach to the question, Joke from Hidden Agenda should have been a secret villain (in the sense that he should have been scheming and sociopathic but hiding it, ineffectually, from Zo) in order to make the series make sense, but apparently I can't have nice things.

And finally, special mention to Phu in The Promise for being the villain for so many of us already.

A morally bad character you're into

Zhu Zi Shu, canon war criminal and child murderer from Word of Honor. He thought he was doing bad things for good reasons (protecting the people he loves), realized he was just doing bad things and the people he loves were all dead anyway, and crafted a convoluted plot to get out of the secret society rules that he created to prevent anyone from leaving. And then he wanders aimless until he meets Wen Ke Xing and becomes as loyal to this equally morally dubious man as he was to his secret society. I love him (and them) so much.

Same type of deal, different scale of crime: Akk from The Eclipse. I have a soft spot for this trope.

A morally bad character you're not into and you wish people would stop being into

Xue Yang from The Untamed. Also a mass murderer, but doing it just for the vibes/to avenge his finger, so he gets zero love from me. People woobify him just because he's sassy it's...rough.

The show that disappointed you the most

From hype to execution? So Much in Love / Ni Yam Ruk. I slogged through such awful subs TWICE (because they claimed they redid them, but they are still terrible) to try to give this show a chance, because the premise sounded right up my alley. I still think there's a show in there that I would have liked, but it is literally unwatchable.

Most disappointed from what the show seemed like it was doing at the start to what it delivered in full is a tie between The Shipper and Step By Step.

The Worst Show of Them All Because of Your Own Reasons

That's My Candy. I've only ever dropped/not finished I think 3 or so shows? And this was the most painful and the one I am least likely to ever finish. The pairing was overplayed, the comedy was heavy handed, and the plot was absolutely cringe inducing. It was literally torture trying to watch this.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading!

Tagging @visualtaehyun @nothingsbetterthancoffee @lurkingteapot @snidgetwrites @formayhem @slayerkitty @respectthepetty @ginnymoonbeam no pressure as always! And if you play and I didn't tag you but you're reading this, tag me anyway! I love reading everyone's answers.

#worst bl shows the ask game #ask game #tag game #thanks for the tag!#this was a fun mental exercise #multi bl

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kimbapisnotsushi · 7 months

Note

you seem to have a good read on HQ and your takes are great, so i have a question...and if you'd rather not go there, please ignore this! but i see oikawa get called "arrogant" quite often and i'm curious, would you say he is? what is it that makes people think that? imo he has a plenty of flaws, but i truly don't think arrogance is one of them. self-centered, sure, but not arrogant i think. i'm open to being wrong, i'm just legit so confused by that particular criticism, it makes me doubting my reading comprehension. i feel like that one post that's like "free my man, he didn't do that. he did a lot of other stuff tho" LOL. if you do answer this, then thanks for your time!

oh, dear anon. this is a very very big question and i'm honored you think i am capable of providing an answer that does it justice!! i don't consider myself an oikawa expert by far, but i'll do my best because he's still very beloved to me, and i hope whatever i say helps!

(but also - maybe take what i say with a grain of salt LMAO)

anyways, to get the main point out of the way: i completely agree that oikawa isn't arrogant! i actually haven't seen any commentary about that myself (bless!!!), so i can't say for sure why some people might think that, but my guess is that they think his pridefulness = arrogance — they think that the confidence he has in himself and seijoh contributes nothing to their actual power and is utterly meaningless if they don't win, especially in the face of ushijima. which, like, come on. what kind of captain would he be if he wasn't confident in himself and his teammates? is he supposed to tell them that they're going to lose??? is he supposed to discourage their hard work and effort???

or maybe it's because oikawa acts like he's all that, but doesn't have anything to show for it. who does he think he is? what does he think his pride is worth? what right does he have to go around making grand declarations when he has nothing to his name?

(which isn't entirely true, either, but we'll get into that, promise.)

now, do i think that he can, occasionally, be flippant, shallow, and/or petty? yeah, sure. he's got one hell of a personality about it. even iwaizumi says as much. oikawa is great at being a little shit. it's one of my favorite things about him!

but is oikawa genuinely arrogant, or self-centered? well . . . i don't think so.

see, here's the thing about oikawa: he knows he's good, but he doesn't think he's good enough. i think it'd be easiest to really explain what that meant if we broke this down into two separate parts, so let's give it a go, shall we?

(buckle up, friends, because it's about to get LONG. also: TIMESKIP SPOILERS!! and there's a tldr at the start of the tags because. WOW.)

so, first things first: if people are calling oikawa arrogant, then i'm like 99% sure that they don't actually know what the word "arrogant" means.

"arrogant" is used to describe someone full of themselves. it's used to describe someone conceited and pompous. it's used to describe someone so assured of and invested in their self-importance that they don't care for other people, and if it seems like they do, then it's usually wildly off the mark and still serves to inflate their own egos.

oikawa has never once been like that. he's been pretty much the exact opposite, in fact.

and yeah, sure, by his third year of high school, he knows he's good at volleyball, and that's fine! it's perfectly all right to claim you're good at something if you have the skills/experience to back it up. confidence is healthy as long as it isn't in overabundance, and we actually see a lot of this throughout the series!

(not to mention that this was where ushijima fell short. he was overflowing with confidence. he did not believe, for even a single second, that hinata shouyou and his meager, scrappy little flock of crows could beat him.

but oikawa? he knew. he knew what it looked like to make something bloom.)

the key to oikawa's confidence that made him better was that he could pinpoint others' strengths and weaknesses just as well as he could with his own. and (bear with me, please, i might get kind of boring here bc it's nothing that hasn't been said in the manga before) i don't mean it in the way we see the coaches or more analytical players do, as observations to be taken advantage of by everyone else; i mean that in the sense of how vital it is to his position as a setter. that was always the biggest difference between oikawa and kageyama: no matter how much more raw talent kageyama had, no matter how much better oikawa believed him to be, kageyama, especially in the beginning, struggled to do what oikawa could with a team. kageyama struggled to bring out the best in each player. and it wasn't because he didn't know how -- oikawa freely admitted that kageyama had the skill for it, that kageyama, once he got his shit together, could win against him -- it was because kageyama didn't have that same confidence in himself.

(not until much later, anyways. but that's another story, for another time.)

so, oikawa's confident. he knows he's good. he can bring out the best in each player. he's got a killer serve (and a killer smile!), a mind for tactics that borders on machievallianism, and cherishes the trust he is given like it's something precious. his coaches let him lead without leaning on them. his team has the utmost respect and admiration for him. he has a reputation. from karasuno to shiratorizawa to the whole of miyagi -- there is not a single character who knows oikawa tooru and would believe that he is, in any way, bad at volleyball.

but it's not enough. despite all of that, oikawa still doesn't think he's good enough. and that, friends, brings us to the second point.

oikawa tooru is nothing if not passionate.

so were the others, of course. kageyama kept going after his grandfather's death. hinata kept going while being a nobody from nowhere with no one to back him up. atsumu kept going while osamu didn't. it's not even about just those who went pro -- kenma, kuroo, noya, and everyone else found things that they were passionate about and kept going with it. the entire story revolves around loving what you do and trying to keep that love alive, and, sometimes, that can be really, really difficult when it seems like it doesn't love you back.

oikawa was so insecure over kageyama to the point where he nearly decked the poor kid. oikawa got crushed by ushijima-- who kept telling him that his team was not good enough, that his choices were not good enough, that there was nothing good enough to be proud of -- for years in a row. oikawa was taught that there would always be someone better than him no matter how skilled he was, but if he let that stop him then he didn't fucking belong on the court in the first place.

oikawa tooru is intimately acquainted with not being good enough, but he keeps trying to be. he keeps going. he tries to keep the love alive even if he's not loved back. he pushes and practices and takes a plane far from home to become even better. even if he doesn't have the skill, even if he doesn't have the talent, even if he doesn't have the love -- he still has his pride. and what does that mean, in the end? how far does that take him?

in the end, oikawa tooru walks across a world stage and sees people who believed in him on the other side and calls it a family reunion. in the end, he gets to play the volleyball that reminds him of why he loves it and how it gives him so much love back. in the end, his pride is unyielding and unbreakable, a product of the forge. he molded it with his own two hands. he will not let it falter so easily.

arrogance would not have taken oikawa tooru this far. i hope this has proven that he is anything but.

remember: instinct is something you polish. talent is something you make bloom. and never, ever let anyone else tell you what your pride is worth.

#tldr: oikawa 's confident in himself but (believing that there will always be someone more talented) is always striving to become better #ANYWAYS #i know this one's a bit different from the itachiyama post where i analyzed each panel but like #that was REALLY hard to do for this one since there were so many good ones i could use!!!#so i ended up just smashing 2-3 panels together that i thought were best representative of each point i wanted to talk about #and then just diving deep into the whole thing #if i had done it the first way we would have been here FOREVER #literally that's why it took so long i kept deleting and rewriting and going 'holy shit how the fuck do i write this'#'how can ANYTHING i possibly say do justice to oikawa tooru'#i hope i did a good job and i hope this helped anon!!!#i genuinely think this is the most insane thing i have ever written so thanks for that i guess #oikawa tooru #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu meta #sou says stuff

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