#I put a lot of effort into those to keep them from getting too repetitive so appreciate them

[multimystica]

Card of the Day!

Once more the same image, ik it's repetitive but I've run out of Photoshop so I may just start numbering these so y'all don't think it's the same post repeatedly. xD This is #4. Also, please remember to follow me, like and reblog! It'd help me immensely, thank you a lot!

So take a breath, think of the situation of choice and choose your card, then scroll down! I finally learned how to add the see more thing so y'all won't have to scroll past a giant post, YAY!!! :)

Card 1 - The Emperor

Rules, stability, structure! These are the themes for today. Needless to say, authority is quite relevant today.

First of all it's time to pay attention to who's in charge here, be it you, your father, a boyfriend, or a boss. This person may be quite authoritarian today, make an effort to follow their rules so things go their way, or else. *threatening tone*

In general, it's important to follow rules and to respect authorities today, but let's move on to more specific meanings.

Someone may be very controlling today - it'd be wise to evaluate wether this is a healthy thing or not. If unhealthy, it is of utmost importance that your boundaries are set today, keep them up.

In case you're the authority here (are you a parent, someone's boss, or the leader anywhere? are you in a leader-less place and feel the need to step up?) - Take charge, build foundations, set your rules and boundaries, make sure to step up to your role or you may be overthrown. Also, make sure to do so in a healthy way, don't be an asshole, know the difference between leadership and oppression, you must instill respect, but make sure you don't mistake that for instilling fear. It is also the time to be ambitious.

If you're on the bottom of the food chain - Make sure to follow the rules today, try not to be too proud, it may be a day to swallow your pride. Keep your job well done, try to stay in the good side of those above you, if you do it well enough you might be rewarded. This is definitely not the day to question orders, at all. Don't fuck up, The Emperor is strict.

Whoever you are and whatever your role may be in the power dynamic at hand, make sure your boundaries are in place & respect is maintained to and from other people. Watch out for unhealthy power dynamics, as they're likely to be shown clearly today. Also a good day for self-reflection on wether you're being too authoritarian, too strict, not placing boundaries or placing too many, anyways, take a look at the Emperor's qualities and analyze wether you're lacking or overdoing them.

Card 2 - The Empress

Creation, nurturing & mothering! These are today's main themes, along with self-care which is also quite important today.

This is a good time to care for yourself and others, but look at your own needs first. Let's go.

If you've been putting others first all the time or neglecting self-care routines - This is the time to take the day for yourself, put yourself first for once, for God's sake! Idk what your schedule is like today, but if there is any flexibility on it, it may be best to push your plans aside and care for yourself!! Make sure to eat well and nourish yourself, hydrate enough and get enough rest. This may also represent a day to be taken care of by someone else, a spa day, take a break!!! Self-care comes first for you today, no matter what. It's also a good day for getting your hair and nails done, shopping, and getting a makeover,

Now, if you always put yourself first and self-care has been kept in check - Take a look around! Look for people who need to be taken care of for the day. Your friend is down with covid? Go to their place, cook them a hearty meal and do some chores on their behalf. That's an example, but it illustrates well the idea. It's the day to do mother-like gestures for other people around you. Make sure everyone around you is well taken care of, well nourished, well rested, well hydrated, watch out for other people's needs and help them out!!! Have them take the day off for self-care if you see fit. Both topics above are specially important if you're a mother, pay attention to yourself and your children and which of you needs a day off to be taken care of for today

If you're a creative person or into arts and crafts - Today is a great day to work on your creative projects! It's also a good day to go out shopping or redecorating your home. The sky is the limit, go all out on that today. If you've been experiencing a creative block, today is the best day for you to try and overcome it, yet if it remains blocked after your attempts today, go down the self-care route and indulge yourself a bit.

If you have a eating disorder or health issues - Good healthy nourishment and care for your physical needs are a must for today, trust me. Take your bodily signs very seriously today, if anything pops up, go to the damn doctor right away! Don't procrastinate it.

A few general random tips for today - Be generous and giving. Comfort foods may come in handy today. Self indulgence is not a sin for today, it's also good to indulge others if you can. Listen to your body today, bodily needs are top priority for now. If you're into gardening, that's a great day for taking care of it as well. Also a good time for sensuality (have a dead bedroom? This is the day to bring it back to life).

Card 3 - The Lovers

Choices, love, and cooperation! These are the main themes for today, as well as personal responsibility.

In general, this is the time to make choices and celebrate all forms of love be it friendships, partnerships, committed relationships, significant others, all sorts of love. Let's get into specifics.

If you're presented with a decision or choice today - First of all, be aware your mind and heart must be aligned for it, and it's equally important that you know that if you go down a path it's likely that the other option will be sacrificed. Take your time to think it through and be certain of what you want before you decide so you don't later regret your decision.

If you've been thinking of moving forward with something - This is your confirmation to moving forward with your plans.

If you're wondering wether to take a love relationship to the next level - This is your sign that it's safe to move forward with that as long as you keep your needs in mind. This card is also a reminder that for you to love another you must learn to love yourself first so do some self-reflection about self-love and your needs before you take action to move forward with it. If your needs are being unmet yet you feel like taking this relationship to the next level, sort out your needs beforehand to avoid problems down the line. Either way, beware of relationships where you're looking for a emotional/spiritual connection but the partner is only concerned with physical connection with zero interest on something deeper. Communicate your expectations clearly and see if they're on the same page so they don't get the wrong impression.

If none of the above applies to you today - Take a good look around, there are good chances someone is interested on you, admiring you from a distance and you're not aware of it at all. A new love interest might just pop-up unexpectedly.

#tarot witch #tarot reading #channeled message #channeled reading #lightworker #rider waite smith #rider waite tarot #card of the day #card reading #pick a card #pick a pile #divination #oracle #oraculo #tarot #tarot cards #tarot community #tarotblr #tarot deck #witchblr #witch community #witchcraft #spellwork #spellcasting #advice #spiritual guidance #please reblog #cartomancy #oraculism #message from spirit

[heybaetae]

gifmaker / cc wrapped 2023!

thanks for tagging me my angel @jkvjimin 💜

i tried really hard not to choose all comp sets, but those take the most effort and therefore are what i'm prouder of than a standard set, but regardless...

here are my top 10 fave creations of the year:

bts chapter 1 insta feed // this was an insanely taxing project and is probably the most work i've ever put into anything, but i was really inspired to do it. it took about a week (one day for each panel) and was repetitive, i literally threw out my back by day 3 from sitting working on it that my body was in SO MUCH PAIN, but i wanted to get everything right and make it make sense which is why i wrote up a detail post breaking it down and explaining every decision that went into this. i still intend to make this a series and do one dedicated to their japanese discography (i actually started on one before i published this but didn't like the concept) and for their solo work, but it doesn't feel like the right time yet as things continue to release. but i look forward to it!

cheesy bts valentine cards // this was purposely corny, but the response was unbelievable! i had fun working on it and was so happy it made people laugh and smile. the tags were a joy to read on this post and it's my fourth most popular gifset ever. thank you!

bts guide to troubled birds // yet another corny idea, but i get a kick out of making silly comps and was inspired to make this. i started with jimin's as an experiment because his poem was the easiest to choose and built the rest of it from there, carefully deciding which poem to apply to each member and recreating them from scratch. i love celebrating their chaos in fun ways, so this was nice!

jungkook's sensitive tear ducts // sometimes i get really random comp ideas and spontaneously start making something with no plan. this was one of those times and it is now my third most popular gifset since making this blog in 2020 lol. ofc i'd never gif him upset about anything serious, so i only chose moments that didn't feel inappropriate to include to keep this set lighthearted and humorous.

long live bts (10th anniversary set) // i always knew i wanted to make something with the lyrics of that song because every word of it reminds me of their story. the 10th anniversary was perfect since it literally says "it was the end of a decade". i wanted the set to just be really simple so i went with a more desaturated look and focused more on choosing a scene from each year that fit the lyric per that gif.

love me again mv // this was my first time bothering to gif a music video in 4k. i usually avoid it bc it slows my computer down and takes a lot longer (i also have to reconvert the youtube download to a different file type to get it to play in my kmplayer, it's a whole process) but i waited a few days after it came out because i originially didn't think i could color it when it premiered so i just didn't gif it. but i gave it a try anyway when i didn't feel so pressured and i really like how crisp they came out.

jungkook's bday set // i didn't have a plan for this when i started, but i searched a lot for inspo and finally found something i felt like i could make something with so i came up with this very barbie-esque rendition for jungkook that i'm still very fond of. i purposely didn't write happy birthday on it anywhere so it could be shared year-round. it's probably my fave set i made all year and everyone seemed to like it too!

jimin's bday set // this was originally just going to include songs from FACE, but i decided it didn't celebrate jimin's work as a whole if i didn't include all his solo songs/endeavors so it turned into a big monster. i like how it came out though!

standing next to you mv // this year i was introduced to HD master files, so instead of rushing to download a new mv from youtube and giffing it fast, i'd wait for a higher quality rip from apple music to show up online. the difference is quite astounding. i made gifs with master files for all three of jk's music videos this year (seven, 3D), but i like how this one turned out the best.

vmin comp // just felt like giffing my two favorite people before they left and needed to channel my sad emotions into something before seeing them seperate for so long. i included moments i've giffed before and ones i've never had the chance to gif. i could have made this post so much longer but forced myself to stop lol. i like the pink and blue colors in it a lot <3 i miss them so much

thank for all your support on my work this year! i have lots of (old) new stuff in my drafts to share in the new year so please keep your love coming x

i'm going to tag @userjiminie @userjungkook97 @btsiu and @cordiallyfuturedwight to do this if they'd like to!

#tag game #cc tag game

[drewsaturday]

i've had such a weird relationship with making fanon things lately for a few diff reasons i think.

i haven't rly been inspired enough to take things beyond my thoughts and make an actual thing out of them. part of this is probs bc of my medication. the other part is that...

i don't have the time to dig too deeply into my favorite things rn. this means i don't dig up new parts to feel excited about, i don't feel Qualified to carry those ideas out bc my understanding of the source material is so limited and people expect waaaay too much quality from fanworks these days, and i feel like i'll never be able to finish what i start anyway.

lastly, i've been doing fandom so repetitively i'm just... tired? of the same thing over and over again. i work on a thing, i polish the thing, i post the thing, i wait for feedback that is either nice/mean/empty, rinse and repeat. the solution would be to just not post these things, but why go through all that effort to carry something up out of an idea stage then since that's what makes me most excited? and if i spend the time drafting, it feels like a waste of time since it's not going to go anywhere.

i do think a lot of this is medication, because it dulls Just how insane i am capable of getting about a thing. in the past i would have sooo much drive because i felt like if i didn't make a thing, i'd explode. i don't rly get that anymore, at least not in a big enough burst to keep me working on things very long.

i've instead been thinking a lot about diving into original content because... although i make everything for fun, i think original stuff has way less of the above issues attached.

there's no time limit. i'm not... "competing" for being able to get an idea done first, or trying to get a fanfic out while there's still hype over a show, or worrying about my work being ooc compared to someone else's, or worrying the fandom landscape i vibe with is going to change when people move on.

it's theoretically not as repetitive. i'm sure the things i'm interested in shows are similar to what i come up with from my brain, and i could just try to make different things for fandom than i'm used to. but i am kind of tired of my inability to do anything besides hurt/comfort oneshots for the same kind of pairing over and over again. this would force me to actually develop other shit too lmfao.

it's Technically something i could profit off of if i really wanted to, making it less of a waste of time. for fandom, it feels like a waste of time if i'm not putting a fanon thing out for other fans to see. it also feels like i put a ton of work into my own little understanding of a show--fleshing out backstories and worldbuilding etc. so if i move onto another fandom... it feels like it was all for nothing, esp if i don't make something from it all. ideally i would be doing it just for the fun but there needs to be some balance with what i consider pay-off. and since i usually don't stay motivated long enough to do these big huge projects, or people move on, or other people do the idea first because i work so slow, it's just gotten rly un-motivating.

there's like, layers of motivation imo. i like a thing and i get excitement about making stuff for it and exploring certain parts of it. and i can do that for myself, but to make it stand on its own enough to post for other people to see isn't something i currently get enough motivation for. and because of that, it makes the fun part feel like a waste of time i guess.

i usually stay away from my own original stuff bc i honestly just don't feel the level of excitement with it as i have felt with fandom in the past, and... it's just harder lmao? but i think it would be good for me to at least fuck around with it.

fandom started as a vessel for creativity for me. i wanted to make videos, it gave me footage. i wanted to draw, it gave me designs for characters. i wanted to write, it gave me a sandbox to play in. and i still find those things fun, but i guess it just feels like i'm limiting myself by only playing with other people's dolls in a public park for all to see. like i'm just not as connected to the Making part as a hobby or to the parts of myself i would put into it.

idk, i am just rambling and i think honestly if i Did have more time it would help take a lot of the above pressures and risks away and balance me out so that making silly little fanfics sometimes would feel more worth it because i'd feel free to do other things as well.

i also do sort of get glued to the screen when i'm in mode of making and posting things and i'd like to uhhh. do other things with my life too sometimes lmfao. part of this boredom does probably stem from being chronically ill and therefore barely leaving my house. i haven't been able to do other things beyond fanon creations in years. so no wonder i'd feel less inspired and more bored.

i also think i've gotten tired of watching things feeling like a chore. oh shit i need to write down this scene so i can use it on a fanvid, or make sure i take note of this piece of dialogue for this character's backstory, etc. i know i bitch about how i don't hate the word "content creator" bc it is just an easier catch-all for me as someone who makes lots of diff things, and i still agree with that, but i do think because of my own levels of perfectionism, mixed with honestly how weirdly expectant of quality fandom has become, it's become a chore to engage with source material.

another thing is i've always felt like i've needed a purpose in what i've made and that purpose tends to be justified by the community interactions. it makes me feel less lonely and it helps me feel inspired and like... it doesn't hurt to know you'll get feedback on something because you've found so many supportive friends in it. i rly just haven't landed in any new communities i vibe with a ton for the things ive gotten into lately, so there's less motivation there. that's not to say anyone's Bad, just... discord servers are too big, tags are too dead or all over the place, i don't message people to become friends, and the communities and friends i do have from fandom are all kinda doing different things rn, etc.

the other form of purpose would be challenges--exchanges, bingos, etc. this fanwork isn't just a random thing for fun, it has a reason for me to work on it enough to let it see the light of day. and i think i've kinda broken my brain a bit using those for motivation so much, but the alternative would be to never get anything into a publishable state, but without it being a publishable state and interacting with communities through it there's no reason for me to really spend all that much time on it in the first place, which means i'm really not getting to Create.

i think the biggest issue these days if every part of the creative process now feels like it's "for show" and original stuff that has literally no audience is the only way to kinda undo the amount of rules that's put on me and my creativity.

tl;dr i'm just not feeling the same fulfillment from making fanon stuff as i used to so i guess i need to experiment with making other things so i can still do the Making part and see where that lands me, and see if it can help undo some of the toxic mentalities being an exclusively fandom girlie for so long has kinda instilled in me.

i'm sure i'll still make fanon shit every so often--i honestly have been so busy that output won't be noticeably different from my usual once every five months contributions. i just need to get back into the right blend of circumstances for it to feel worth it, and until then i guess i need to dig out the dolls from my own attic instead of someone else's so i can have a less complicated vessel for creative hobbies because i'm fairly certain i'd still like to create.

#txt #this is just a v long ramble that im not sure makes much sense honestly or will be readable to anyone but myself at this point but eh #just needed to word it all out #...also just remembered another reason that causes that imbalance of fun #is chronic pain making certain art forms like drawing quite painful so although i've been wanting to learn art techniques #and practice generally in non-fandomy ways #i'm stopped by how it's more worth it to sketch a blorbo every so often #but idk i want to try figuring out better ways of going about that for myself and #since i can't have both fandom and original without pushing myself too far i kinda have to Choose art advancement #over stupid blorbo drawings #same with if i spend too much time typing etc #and that plus time constraints are why im making it out to be such a one or the other thing #but it also... is... #because i rly don't think i can keep doing fanon stuff without at least mixing things up somehow #if not moving to original stuff altogether #i do think that once im out of school and i have a more stable schedule #i'll be able to set aside specific free time each day as opposed to being all over the place #and that will help as well so i don't feel Guilty over creating things #when i should/could be doing something more productive bc i also do want to move my life forward rather than being SO escapist #and the guilt aspect gets in the way a lot more than it when i had more passion to beat it back with #that rly is my own fault tho for being in charge of my own schedule and being so bad at it lol #one last little note for myself is i think a lot abt non-fandomy hobbies i have like music #where yeah ive made some filks but for the most part idk what im doing #im just there to have fun and enjoy myself bc it's just... the entire reason i do it #and i dont rly get that from the things i also can use for fanon creations these days more readily

[obsidiancreates]

Some thoughts/criticisms of Battle of the Five Armies because I'm back on my Hobbit Movies bullshit

Should've put more screen time (and by "more" I mean "any at all") into Thorin's descent into the Gold Madness/Dragon Sickness. A lot of BotFA feels, to me, a bit... meandering. Like they needed to hit a certain length but weren't fully sure how to fill it (and I think that also shows in how it's the shortest of all 3 movies, at least Extended Edition-wise). We go right from "They all watched Smaug die," to "He's been down there for days and he's as Gold-Mad as Thror." We needed more connective tissue between those scenes- even just a scene of Bilbo noticing Thorin is refusing food, maybe trying to convince him to eat ("Thorin, take your share." "I've no need of it." "You can't live on gold alone, you know, heh, ahem." "We shall see, Master Baggins.") or something like that.

I get why Smaug died in the first twenty minutes. I do! There's both story reasons as well as behind-the-scenes logistical reasons (can y'all imagine what these movies would've been like if they'd had Reasonable Deadlines, less studio pressure, and more ethical cast and crew treatment? It would've fixed any of the CGI issues, they could've cleaned up some of the odd pacing and editing moments, none of those awful "QUICK QUICK QUICK WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF TIME!" moments in the Appendices would've existed... Fuck Warner Bros, man. Peter Jackson obviously had a lot to do with a lot of the unethical overtime and expectations and wasted time/effort, but like Warner Bros also contributed to this Massively). Anyway, I get why Smaug died so early into the movie. But god, I wish he hadn't. Now I haven't read the novel to it's end in about 13 years give or take- I keep picking it up, getting a good ways in, forgetting to continue, and then picking it up and starting over at the beginning- but I remember Smaug's death being a very Little Thing in the book, since it was Third-Person limited (mostly) and Bilbo wasn't in Laketown. I know that this wasn't a moment of Inaccuracy (though honestly I don't mind most of the inaccuracies but that's for another post some other time) but it was a moment of Deeply Unsatisfying Payoff. Again, I understand why! It's kinda unsatisfying in the novel too- frankly, a lot of the ending stuff in The Hobbit is, but you didn't hear that from me, got it? I'm not sure, exactly, what I wish was different about it. Killing Smaug at the end of Desolation wasn't really a viable or satisfying option either, and focusing more on Laketown would've gotten tedious and repetitive- only so much Burning and Screaming can be made into Watchable Cinema at one time. I think perhaps a larger focus on Gandalf and his experiences with Sauron could've worked here- especially if Sauron is somehow Aware of Laketown falling and uses this to mock and torment Gandalf, speaking of how the quest of the dwarves has truly failed and Middle-Earth is soon to fall the same way- but again, I understand why they didn't do that, that's just a lot of Ian McKellen sitting in a birdcage getting Taunted by an Eyeball. So I don't know what I would've had them change, and I think a not insignificant amount of this Dissatisfaction is unavoidable given the glossed-over nature of the very same plot point in the book. But it's still saddening, especially since they nailed Smaug so well and he's such a fun villain to watch on screen. Azog... a good deal less so.

Bro we couldn't have had one line where they were like "OH GOD FILI KILI BOFUR AND OIN ARE STILL DOWN THERE!" when they were watching Laketown burn? One show that someone remembered FOUR OF THEIR PARTY IS STILL THERE?!

Some of the line deliveries in this movie were an... interesting, choice, to make into the final cut. I'll chalk it up to Those Damn Studio Deadlines, though.

I know I already talked about this but SERIOUSLY WHERE WAS THE CONNECTIVE TISSUE OF THORIN'S MADNESS, IT AIN'T EVEN IN THE EXTENDED THE EXTENDED IS MOSTLY THE ACTUAL BATTLE (plus the Best Scene In The Movie where Balin alludes to Bilbo to keep the Arkenstone hidden forever, which it's a crime that was left out of the theatrical by the way).

Yeah okay the Kili and Tauriel parting at the shore was kind cliched and acted weird. Again I'll chalk it up to The Deadlines.

If we could've have had the Connective Tissue scene(s), I wish the reunion with Bofur, Oin, Fili, and Kili had been a proper scene and not just a quick cutaway. It would've been a great opportunity to catch them and the audience up on Thorin's condition and how he got to that state, as well as establish how The Company In General feels about it earlier into the movie.

Again, I know why they didn't... but even a hint that the Madness was taking the other Dwarves at least a little bit would've been nice. I truly feel that, by the time of The Ramparts, the party was at a point where at least 1 or 2 of them would've decided to go with Bilbo, and a hint that they're all slightly under the spell of the gold in the way Thorin is would've really made their decision to all 12 of them stay behind make more sense. Yes, Thorin is their king and their leader and their friend and Dwarves are known to be very loyal- but Bilbo has stood in as a leader, rescuer, and friend often enough that I think one or two of the party, in their own fully right minds, would've chosen to go with him, especially after witnessing such a horrific display from Thorin.

The pacing of the movie in general Needs Some Help, that can't go unsaid- but again, Those Damn Deadlines. The amount of palpable stress from the crew in the Appendices is genuinely stressful and heart-wrenching, and I blame the majority of my issues with this movie- and the other two- on Warner Bros being completely unreasonable with their time expectations. Especially since they pushed this 2-movie project into being 3 movies, like Fuck off, Warner Bros.

GOD I WISH MORE OF THE RING STUFF HAD CARRIED OVER FROM DESOLATION. Like again I get why it didn't, this movie kind of takes some of the focus off Bilbo and uses that extra attention on Thorin and Bard and Legolas, which I enjoy. But still, The Ring Moments in Desolation were so good, and the effect The Ring had on Bilbo in Desolation is not unlike the effect the gold has on Thorin- but Bilbo is better at fighting it. It would've been nice to see something done with that, especially as Thorin was falling to madness and Bilbo maybe recognized some of the signs from his own experiences like the one in Mirkwood. But also THE RING STUFF WAS SO COOOOOOLLLLLLLLL I WANT MORE OF ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT

[americanrecord]

u totally should nott have told me u like answering these kinds of questions lol bc u set me offff 😭 i just have so many!! like this rewrite is genuinely the thing i’m most looking forward to and i’m not kidding))) since we’ve already talked abt the boys..fuck the boys…the girls are where it’s at!! inez and val’s relationship, is it gonna be any different? how are the altered personalities going to mesh/interact? so fun! love, always

omg girl, that's what i used to all day, everyday, on my old blog until like the beginning of this past summer! i love talking about the writing, characters, etc <3 and it always tickles me to know that people care enough to ask. i do feel like i know enough about my universe at this time to answer most things too, whereas a lot used to be shrouded in mystery back on the other side of things.

but, anyway, fuck the boys fr. this is true, i only care about the girls. as for inez and val's relationship, it's not too different. i would say they actually retain some of the most similarities. the plot rises and falls the same way for them in book 1 as it did with the og. but their dynamic is a bit different. firstly, not that it impacted too much, but i did drop valerie's old crush on inez, solely because i didn't really want to have two pairs of best friends with romantic (requited or not) history. it would feel repetitive and not as special, and dean and lex's past relationship definitely impacted an overall plot to a greater degree. so that "having a crush on inez" void in val's past was just filled by an ex-gf who's mentioned from time to time and may or may not make an appearance later on.

other than that, let's see...

well, firstly, inez does gain what i believe was my biggest grievance with maintaining the character of jill: a backbone. she retain's jill's know-it-all sense, but it's infused with a certain confidence (stubbornness) that jill lacked. she doesn't keel over when told, and while still a kind-fronting person, she does have that mean streak that is backed up by her ability to hold her own. it just makes her more of a difficult presence when valerie and lex get going, because she not only objects, but really means it (there is also a bit better of context surrounding her feelings on lex) and pretty much does everything in her power—too much—to try and interfere with their relationship in the name of "knowing what's best for valerie." and we all know how valerie feels about people who think and act like they can make decisions for herself better than she can.

valerie, on the other hand, has softened a considerable amount. i really liked where she ended up toward the end of the original work, where she was very sensitive and introspective, so i sort've worked my way back and implemented this from the beginning. i thought it was much more realistic a characterization for somebody with her type of trauma, and it's also in line with her [currently undiagnosed] OCD, which in general has her pretty tense and vigilant at almost all times. her obsessions and compulsions mostly start out revolving around the fear of contamination, and that combined with her deadly catholic guilt just keeps her very particular and maybe not the easiest to get along with unless you're willing to put the effort it. not many people are. inez is one of those people, however, so she's quite protective over her and is very in tune to all of her various needs, maybe to the point where she's not ready to accommodate the idea that somebody else is also down to be the same. valerie also suffers from chronic loneliness due to her night shift and initial isolation from the music sphere, which inez does not (she's friends with everyone in the band and even other bands sans lex at the story's start), so that also contributes to their eventual explosion. valerie is lonely and finds lex/wants connections beyond the one she has with her best friend, and inez is super protective over her and doesn't realize that she has what valerie wants (romantic/sexual/platonic connections galore). i think it makes sense that valerie ditches the moment she senses that rapunzel/mother gothel thing she felt with her mother with inez.

THAT being said, they're still besties despite their clashing work schedules, and they do recover by the end of the story. details to be seen in the story itself... <3 i mostly think these character differences make so much sense and still thankfully create a similar dynamic. valerie spent her whole childhood being repressed so that she's sort of internalized that docility and struggles to like, break from it? which is what makes lex so exciting, and then inez—who, while free of a traumatizing childhood, did grow up with four other siblings and was frequently talked over/reduced to the "baby sister" so that she wants to make sure her voice is always heard and essentially does just that. whether or not she's right isn't always what's important (sometimes she is), it's just that she can be a bit stifling with valerie's freedom in book 1, which is a lesson she has to learn. (where valerie then has to learn that sometimes people looking out for you has a purpose and they're not just doing it to do it.)

see, the best thing about rewriting is having the whole story in ur head already so that you're not just sorta winging it as you go and hoping the pieces connect. now, i can actually defend the plot and the characterizations, and they feel so much more cohesive! i love them, and i love their new versions more than i do their ogs <3 they feel even realer.

so, thanks for asking! and please know that i will accept every question always. i clearly love talking, and i love distractions from my boring ass internship even more. also -- if beta-reading the rewrite is something you're interested in, let me know! it would probably be the quickest way to see it because who knows what the battle of publication will look like! just message me or something if so <3 i think i have room for one more!

#i love them fr #✻ — valerie & inez. #☘︎ — q&a. #✉︎ — confessions. #octavia

[dustjacketmusings]

Bookclub thoughts: two for one

Cold-Hearted Rake and Marrying Winterborne by Lisa Kleypas

I wasn't going to do a bookclub thoughts for Cold-Hearted Rake (CHR because I'm lazy) because I just enjoyed it and had nothing much to say. I have a lot to say about Marrying Winterborne (MW) though, and these books are almost impossible to separate. Which is my first major criticism, I don't think these books are fully enjoyable by themselves. CHR spends a lot of time in the second half setting up Helen and Winterborne, at the expense of the main pairing, and Winterborne is such an ass in the start of MW so i dont know how he's likeable without the previous book.

The family dynamic is easily the best part of both books, with the romance complexity suffering by comparison. I didn't mind this in CHR because setting up the family dynamic was so core to Devon and Kathleen's personal arcs, whereas Helen has an arc outside of her family dynamic.

As I said previously, I enjoyed CHR immensely. They are both such angry bitches who fight over nothing 😂. It truly is an excellent rivals to lovers. But I also appreciated that it takes place at a family home, with no balls or socialization. This is a side of historicals that I see less and it was interesting. Kleypas also flexes her researching chops with all of the widow details and mourning requirements. It kept the plot from being repetitive by introducing something new. In this sense, Devon starting an affair with his cousins widow was a different relationship dynamic. They get married eventually, but it's nice that Kathleen was in a position where she could have an affair without risking her livelihood.

And I do think that the various aspects of female independence were important for my enjoyment or dislike of either book. Kleypas takes a fairly unflinching view of the ways historical society was harsh on women, but she doesn't always make efforts to combat it. Or care to. It's a very different book to identify the double standards between men and women and have the FMC demand her due, as a modern woman might. There are people writing those books but Kleypas doesn't. She does keep her FMC's in character for the time, which I usually appreciate, but sometimes puts them at the mercy of the patriarcy, which I don't appreciate.

CHR focused extensively on the ways Kathleen was bound by the rules of widowhood; she would be forced to mourn a man she'd been married to for three days, she lost portions of her property to the estate, and her fortune now rested in the hands of the unknown cousin. For all that she might be allowed a discreet affair, she lost more than she gained. And Devon, for his part, acknowledged this and was as kind as he could be given the situation. Specifically, he couldn't give her back her horse since the estate had no money and it wasn't done, but he deferred to Kathleen on his training prior to sale.

By comparison, MW highlights the vulnerability of young women in society and then has it be a test of affection. Helen approaches Winterborne privately, which risks her reputation, and then agrees to sleep with him, which ruins her reputation without question. I'll give this scene credit in that it's a bold inciting incident, but it puts a bad taste in my mouth. Kleypas makes it clear that Helen is at a disadvantage just existing in the same room as Winterborne, yet he still demands she sleep with him "so that she could never leave". And she agrees, making a leap of faith because she trusts him (or is too naive to be suspicious) and it pays off. I don't dislike romance characters making grand gestures or trusting their partners, but it's disappointing that Kleypas has her heroines do it in a more detrimental way than she ever makes her men. It's true, Helen can't ever leave winterborne now, but it's fine because romance. This isn't fundamentally the same as winterborne's grand gesture of writing Helen into his will, because he isn't actually at risk for this, it's just his empire.

AND ALSO. THE WILL THING NEVER COMES UP AGAIN. After the indecent proposal, Winterborne realizes he's put Helen unnecessarily at risk (no shit?), and decides to write her as his sole benefactor immediately. It's a boss move, I'm not gonna lie, but it made the previous scene even more confusing. At one point Winterborne goes "I have no idea why I insisted we bed" and I'm like dude I super don't know either. It's almost like kleypas wanted the initial scene to be exciting and then literally bashed him over the head so the reader would like him again. And then he never tells her that she has the best life insurance policy on the planet, which ruins the gesture.

Helen purposefully ruining her respectability is a theme of the book, I'll give Kleypas that much. For as much as I don't like the initial scene, it rounds out her arc very nicely... but not in a way that makes their romance look good. She starts out by deciding she wants to marry winterborne for honestly very flimsy reasons. She's never met another man, she just thinks marrying him will be exciting and fulfilling. There are a few points early on where Helen notes how strongly she feels for him that distinctly reads like a teenagers first crush. I don't find their relationship very compelling in the first half because it mostly reads as two characters in love with love but not each other. They have bonding moments and real connection they just act super infatuated rather than recall any moments of depth. All of this makes Helen seem way younger than she needs to be. And then the actual book plot kicks off and Winterborne is at most an accessory for Helen throwing away her reputation because it's the right thing to do. She truly grows by the end of this book but I don't feel like they grow romantically.

Winterborne, by contrast, gets no arc. After hitting his head and deciding his will, he mostly exists to provide Helen with gifts and dick her down. He hates this one guy, of course, but it's just there for helens plot and not something he needs. The biggest growth for him is that he's no longer dreaming of the blue blooded babies Helen will give him (ew) which he only thinks about for a second when he's being an asshole. In fact, that whole plot point is pretty much dropped only to come back in his big speech. There's set up in CHR that he wants upward mobility and his engagement to Helen, but he spends no other time wooing aristocrats, and almost all of his screen time is championing equal rights for workers, donating to charity, and rescuing orphans. Dude clearly does not care what the aristocracy think of him so it loses impact.

I will say that premarital sex is handled differently between the books and its odd. CHR utilizes the pull out method and a no strings attached affair to establish spice in a historical setting. It works well enough, until Kathleen rides Devon and he climaxes inside her. And doesn't blame her for it (ha ha bridgerton). The threat of a baby from this one event is enough for them to eventually get married. Meanwhile, MW thinks about babies... sometimes. It's a bit of a dropped ball in a book about illegitimacy, not gonna lie. There is the initial sex, and Winterborne thinks of Helen possibly becoming pregnant from that when he does the will thing. Helen, meanwhile, wants to wait to get married until she's out of mourning, and when confronted with possible children adopts a "we'll cross that bridge if we get to it". Considering they continue to use no birth control, the "if" feels more like a "when" that never gets addressed. Not even when Helen decides to leave on her own. She just never thinks about her possible pregnancy, even when it's referenced as a way she might trap Winterborne into marriage. It was an odd missing plot point in a book that's kind of full of them.

For all of my bitching, MW has an excellent final speech. It's something sorely missing from CHR, but alas. Can't have everything

Edit: CW the word g*psy is used once in MW. It's probably period accurate but serves no purpose

#booklr #bookclub thoughts #lisa kleypas

[free-chozo-hrt]

The Metroid game most badly in need of a remake:

Bear with me here. I've got some Ideas about this game.

Metroid Prime Hunters is, for sure, one of the black sheep of the Metroid series. Its premise and game structure are pretty different from every other game, since it puts a large focus on multiplayer in a series defined by isolated single player experiences. It's hard to get a hold of, and it's not as fondly remembered as the rest of the Prime games. But why?

Admittedly I haven't personally seen all that the game has to offer, so don't consider this a full review. However, I have a copy on DS, and I've played enough to develop some insights about the game:

Hunters must be driven primarily by its multiplayer gameplay. Though I never got to experience it, I've heard good things about the pvp combat from those who have.

The game does have a pretty significant singleplayer campaign, but it feels very half-baked. Maps are supposedly borrowed straight from multiplayer arenas, making the layout of some parts of the game a bit unintuitive and confusing to navigate. Upgrades are also borrowed from multiplayer, and come in the form of alternate arm cannon weapons... and not much else. The adventure on each planet you visit is pretty repetitive. It didn't offer enough original material to keep me engaged until the end of the game, so I never finished.

The game is severely held back by its original hardware. For a full 3D adventure game where it's important to recognize details in your environment, the low resolution of the DS screen makes that task difficult. The aiming system using the touch pad is creative, but holding your DS in that position can be hard on the hands for long play sessions.

The game has plenty of shortcomings, so what good do I see in it? Well, Metroid Prime Hunters attempted some really unique ideas, and I'm intrigued by what would happen if they were executed better.

For starters, like I mentioned, the game's competitive multiplayer is well remembered. This isn't the only time the Metroid series has attempted multiplayer experiences, either pvp or co-op, but none of them are particularly well received by fans. That's understandable given the nature of Metroid games, and what we come to expect from them. But I'm fascinated by the possibility of a full-featured Metroid competitive shooter with a lot of effort put into it.

That brings me to my next point: the characters. Any good competitive shooter needs a diverse cast of player characters to choose from. And oh boy, the characters introduced by Metroid Prime Hunters are probably my favorite part of the game. It's the first game to put forth the idea that Samus shares the galaxy with other bounty hunters like her, and it gives us a whole gallery of freaky aliens for the roles, all with unique backstories and abilities. And then they never get used for anything outside this game! Wasted potential! I want to know more about them!

Let me lay out my ideas for a dream reimagining of Metroid Prime Hunters:

It needs to have fantastic online pvp. I'm no expert on the genre myself, but something in the same team shooter vein as Splatoon, TF2, or Overwatch is what I'm envisioning. You need to be able to start matchmaking and get right into a fun, well-balanced match whenever you want.

The characters need a wide range of abilities with very different playstyles to suit everyone's tastes. In fact, it wouldn't hurt to give them some personality too: voice lines would be welcome. Samus, of course, would take her place among the playable cast.

Because I want to have my cake and eat it too, this game should have a great singleplayer campaign. It doesn't have to be too long or complicated, but it should at least be creative and dynamic the whole way. It would star Samus, of course, but imagine the story potential if the other hunters were allowed to be more than just boss encounters, and actually contribute to the narrative in their own way.

So, what do you think? Do you think the ideas behind Metroid Prime Hunters have a lot of potential? Do you want to see how they could be executed on modern hardware, with a bit more care and ambition? Do you think Metroid is the right choice for Nintendo to branch out into the more mature competitive shooter genre? (Can you tell this idea excites me?)

#metroid #metroid prime hunters

[theoldaeroplane]

Rambling

Had a semi-major health scare Monday (I'm okay) and have been recovering from that for the last week. In an hour I go in and get onboarded for a company that places people in factory jobs---I'm literally so worn down from the last two years that I don't want to let myself hope, but if I could get placed somewhere that pays a living wage and just do repetitive tasks to my music all day that would be incredible.

Monday's scare knocked the wind out of me creatively which is actually painful with how inspired I was for the last few months. I seem to be able to get over myself and write with very specific circumstances so that's better than nothing. I cut up some paper for artist trading cards and I'd like to try to make some of those soon too as a low effort, low stakes creative thing.

As ever, I struggle to keep myself from perceiving myself as a burden to people around me. On a logical level I believe them when they say I'm not, because they're my friends and they've proven that over and over, but the wicked goblin that lives in my brain loves to point out that's what my parents would have said too. And look how that turned out. I have a dedicated playlist for grieving the fact that my parents' love was conditional.

It's started to become clear to me that I think I am more damaged than I previously thought, and I guess I would rather know that than otherwise. Ive spent a lot of time thinking about a line from a song: "for once I want to be the car crash, not always just the traffic jam." I've always identified with that line, with the idea of "if I'm going to get hurt, at least do it in a way loud enough to get help." To not feel like a chronic nuisance, because I think I've always had that sense of being A Nuisance. A Bother. An Inconvenience. And I'm sure that I was that to my parents much of the time (I recall the time my mother informed me I was an unplanned child), and that's surely why I have such trouble with it now. I spend so much energy and time trying to do things to convince people (read: myself) that I'm worth the effort to put up with. I'm certain it's why I get so afraid and anxious when something I do is met with silence or a lackluster response, because oh no, this is it, they're finally sick of me, they're going to tell me I'm annoying and needy and troublesome just like my former best friend once did. (That's another thing I should really bring to therapy. It's been ten years since that happened and I still haven't really talked about it.)

If I can just get work that doesn't drain me. If I can just get work that pays enough to let me afford the things I need to support myself without burning out. (I live in fucking Iowa. It's a low bar here, the cost of living.) If I can just stabilize, if I can just start to get enough money to feel secure again, if I can start to look for a new car that doesn't feel like it's going to fall apart at any moment. If I can meter my energy out in the right way to let me be a person after work. If I can just, if I can just. I'm so tired. I'm so so tired.

#corgijournals!

[croakings]

after 30 escape attempts i now feel like i'm qualified to have Opinions on hades game supergiant so.

WHY IS EVERYONE SO MEAN TO HYPNOS i love hypnos. for my first like 15 runs or so he's the only person i gave nectar to. i told my sibling this and got hit with "what the fuck is wrong with you he doesn't even give you anything" HE GIVES ME JOY.

and also his wallet. which is hysterical to me. HE JUST GIVES YOU HIS WALLET..... who could hate this guy. i ASK you

i do actually given that understand why his mom is like "uh,,,, hypnos has,, Things, and i'm ignoring him for the foreseeable future," but in his defense that is such a fucking funny thing to do. everything he does is such an incredible fucking choice. clown rights!!!!

i should mention i didn't bother checking what anything at all does or even is so i was collecting like basically nothing as i went along if i could help it. i was like "well that all seems like nonsense and a waste of time" and let me tell you. it wasn't

i like meg because i love mean people and i deeply respect how skilled she is in delivering as many low blows as she can think of but i DO wish her character design didn't include like, super saturated orange and magenta and lavender. i'm so sorry queen that's so ugly,,, you deserve better

dusa is cute but her voice hurts my ears. and i feel like they should have let her be mean. if i were her i would be at least a LITTLE mean

@ achilles you are my dad. boogie woogie woogie

@ hades fuck u. you are NOT my dad. especially with that boss fight. what the hell man. talk about a cowabummer it is OUTSIDE...... it should be a snowball fight. if it must be at all

also i was expecting theseus to be a lot worse speaking of bosses. i have more trouble with the stupid hydra i gotta be honest he's only got me like, once

orpheus is such a bizarre little gremlin man i was audibly like NO WAY when i finally checked what gemstones do and he showed up (yeah i didn't look until i had. the diamond. lmao). i support him stick it to the man king

on the topic of weird little gremlin men. NO ONE TOLD ME THANATOS WAS SO INCREDIBLY BITCHY,,,,,,, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS EXPECTING BUT NOT THAT. he's so funny i love thanatos also. if i could insert any item in the game it would be one of those megaphones with preprogrammed sounds and the button duct taped down on it so it just keeps blasting THATS MY BEST FRIEND every time he or hypnos shows up.

artemis is so cool it's a shame her boons Fucking Suck

dionysis athena and ares are definitely my top three gift pals. zues n hermes n aphrodite are all very close seconds because i only like them if i have some particular hammer upgrades also usually

i forgot to mention i'm like exclusively using the bow. i have everything else unlocked but like. she's the most bang for ur buck. to me

i also forgot to mention that charon is also incredibly fucking funny to me what the hell is nyx feeding her kids. they all rule so hard. he's just straight up smuggling. the question isn't who will let him it's who will stop him. and the answer is absolutely no one. he hustles so good it forms diplomatic relations i'm obsessed with him

i dislike demeter i'm revoking the bitchy rights card for her. banned blocked and reported she is not welcome in the club. her boons are also mid at best so far

i feel like i'm forgetting things even though this is super long. patroclus is great. eurydice is the BEST. i'm minorly suspicious of nyx. i hate poseidon he sucks.

OH ZAGREUS he rules too. adhd king, card carrying member of the bitchy club, rip for the parent situation. bisexual fuckup representation i support him also.

pretty game, great writing great music. the voice actors all went so hard. it's also nice how much effort they put into trying to keep things from getting too repetitive. it would probably be more successful with me if i used like, any of the other weapons at all

OH AND! i have been informed you can get stuffed animals. 10/10 no notes i understand why this game is so popular. true love IS giving someone your treasured little guy. vessel of your heart. hades game understands me i can't wait for something terrible to happen there is no way any of this ends well

#* #chatter #hades game #i do want to say again thanatos is SO fucking funny he's like hey idiot. fuck you. also hi i'm here for no reason to kill everything for u. #loser. this is NOT because we're friends. i'm MAD. anyway do NOT die if you do i WILL yell at you. because i hate you. xoxo #absolutely incredible wet paper bag of a guy he's only shown up like three times i'm still not over his whole. personality #SOMEHOW I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION HE WAS COOL THIS IS S O MUCH BETTER #anyway #aha #i wish i wasn't bad at video games i am so behind in all marriage counseling quests......... orpheus keeps getting yelled at 🥲 #IM SORRY BRO i was. uh. i'm working on it now!!!!! #edit: so true it's the autism. hoping patricide the video game the sequel is ready for me to shoot more of nyx's kids with the autism beam

[alarrytale]

I’m watching all these photos of Louis with fans after shows come in on twitter (X whatever) and something about it feels different from last tour… like he has a more lad type boisterous attitude he’s trying to portray, swearing even more than usual, calling fans ‘my girl’ which I know everyone freaked out about but I thought was kinda icky… you don’t know this person why are you calling them that if they weren’t a fan I doubt they’d swoon so much… anyway I’m just feeling like the connection we had with Louis that he loves to go on about is not there anymore, as much at least. I’m starting to see a more commercial side of him (I know I’m alone here) but it started with AOTV how he had a special screening where fans had to repurchase tickets if they wanted to watch extra scenes and the tickets were barely cheaper than Taylor’s who is in a league of her own… and as proud of him as I am for the 28 line I just don’t feel like it’s him? Before this I have never considered him as a fashion boy past looking good on a red carpet and now he has his own line?? And the prices aren’t exactly for the working class lad he goes on about all the time.

Maybe I’ve just grown tired and need a break but this is not the ‘faith in the future’ I imagined.

Putting every anons who's got feelings about Louis tour, and my answers, under the cut.

Hi, anon(s)!

I see the commercialisation of him too. But i think he's still got a good connection to fandom. Him going out to greet fans after the show is fan service and i appreciate that. I think the way he addresses his fans is sweet. There is no harm there as i see it. He's always been generous with pet names.

Not to be a larry defender but yall are unreasonable with criticising the tours here. "It's repetitive" NO SHIT??? It's a concert tour??? An artists gets on the stage, sings and leaves and it's been like that for decades and everyone was happy. Now when you watch concerts on instagram lives or can afford to go to 5 in the same tour yeah it gets boring. But that's not their fault??? Fans are too entitled, the only criticism I get is about sound/security but everything else is...yall have too much. Of course the speeches are same in every country. You aren't supposed to know them. Every artists, every band has more or less the same speech. Thanks for having me, good night, how are you, I love this country blah blah. I'm wondering how many concerts you've been to and what is a good concert to you. Imagine going to the cinema every day to see the same film and then saying it's repetitive and boring cuz that's what yall are doing. You need a reality check

Yes, social media has made it more difficult to entertain people. Attention span is shorter. People are more demanding and the entertainment industy is fighting for our attention. The competion is rife. There is so many artists, movies and shows to grab our attention. So to keep our attention and stop us from getting bored they need to make more of an effort than artists before them needed to. There are simple ways to do that, but they are not doing it. If you are not bored, or are happy with the way things are, then good for you.

The whole conga dancing thing originated at LOT and it works fine there but it just isn't suitable for Louis' indie music concerts. He'll never attract the male audience he wants with that kind of thing going on.

I love the conga line. I also don't want to attract a male audience if it's at the expense of existing fans and women...

About Louis not giving the fans everything they want and not playing to his pop/boyband strengths, we have to keep in mind that he might not enjoy those things as much as we do. I know a lot of us got on board with 1D, but he’s his own person with his own tastes and i don’t think it’s a slight against older fans that he wants to explore in a different direction. It happens all the time with artists who are around long enough.

Hi,

Both us and Louis knows it's give and take. He's happy we are allowing him to make the music he wants. He can't pull the rope towards him too much though, or else we let go. He needs his fans, but we also have a need for him to act a certain way and give us music we like. So it's give and take.

Do not compare them if you don’t know what you are comparing. They are not comparable at all. I happen to think Louis is a better songwriter and work out melodies better than Harry but each to their own.

But i guess that's the difference between Louis and Harry. Harry is an entertainer and Louis is a musician.///

And yet Louis has had no recognition at all for his musicianship whereas Harry has been given the top accolades in the industry, from many different countries. Harry can also play guitar competently and work out melodies whereas Louis admits he can only write lyrics.

“Louis claims to have a closeness and a bond to his fans unparallelled to other artists.” Every other artist claims some version of this. It’s just marketing.

I agree there is a marketing aspect to it. But i do believe that he's got a more special relationship with his fans than other artists. We are larries and he's closeted. He'd never be where he is now if we didn’t see through the bullshit. He wouldn't have a career and he knows that. So he gives us fan greetings after shows and signings to meet us and make a personal impact on us, and we on him.

@lenkagainstcity said:

"He is funny, got good banter, is charming, handsome, sexy, cheeky and loving towards his fans. He's the perfect pop star or boyband member."

*Anon who defended Louis first is back haha*

I totally agree that he has a huge potentional to give and oh god, I fell in love with him after my cousin invited me to see AOTV in the cinema with her because I´m a sucker for british accent, loved his vibe, charm and humour....so yes, there´s a lot he can give us and when I see his off stage presentance like how he interacts with fans, smiles, makes faces, the way he tells stories or how he dance, he can totally do this on stage but my first point in the previous ask was that this is his 2nd tour, 2nd year (comparing with H who basically has 4 years experience of solo touring) he´s touring SOLO and he´s just need to get more comfortable that noone is standing behind him to support him but it´s all on his chest - imo you can´t compare his solo tour with years of touring he´s done with 1D because 1D tours weren´t all about him. And we already saw a glimpse when he was more comfortable few shows in US when he danced a bit or talked a bit more than his common speech he says every show.

He has his own pace in finding this comfort to talk to thousands of people and to be more open. It feels to me like he already had to work a lot to even find his lost confidence - which he´s found. So now it´s all about to embrace his huge potentional to make every show special in his own way (not copying his former bandmates with ready signs or weird gender reveals). I can see the future in more unique shows that he´ll interact more with his band and tell some weird funny stories like Lewis Capaldi.

I think he will improve too, i'm just impatient as i said. I'm not sure the shows will change that much if he wants to continue being indie. It also depends on the size of his fandom. He can't use lots of money on huge stage shows if his fandom dosn't grow. I don't think he's a comedian like Lewis. I think things will change with his confidence if bg ends. I think that's holding him back.

#solo louis #louis image #i'm posting one last anon and then i have to go to another dinner

[upsidedownwithsteve]

hey emmy! i’m currently procrastinating like a total dumbass but after seeing the idiotic messages people are sending you again i just felt the need to write you a little something something.

for one, i will never in a million years understand why people are just generally disrespectful towards you because your fantastic work is getting the appreciation it deserves. do they just enjoy being bitter or something? do they find pride in being “quirky” and “not like other girls” for hating on your rightfully popular works? or maybe they just can’t seem to conceal their jealousy and decide to be asshats through anon messages? like, seriously, if you’re gonna say some bullshit like that, say it with your whole chest and don’t be a coward!

but anyways, moving away from the negativity; emmy, you have raw writing talent and i’d be pissed if you DIDN’T share your works with us on this website. you’ve somehow managed to incorporate simplicity alongside such incredible detail in your fics and blurbs and it just makes reading your works that much more of an amazing experience.

i often find myself unable to read certain texts because of the techniques and layouts some authors use, but the way you incorporate imagery and repetition (alongside many more that i can’t seem to remember the names of atm) honestly makes reading what you create so fun.

i love reading your stuff and how you portray steve and eddie is such a breath of fresh air (and might i say scarily accurate? i think that you, along with @hellfirewhores and @1986harrington are some of, if not the best people on here who write them.). you put so much time and effort into what you do and the hours you spend researching and planning are seriously paying off.

i, myself, am a writer (on wattpad, unfortunately) and you’ve inspired me so much and have helped me without even knowing it. recently i’ve been receiving a lot of support and love from my readers and close friends on my works, saying how i’ve significant improved over the past few weeks and it’s all thanks to you. and i know you’ll probably say something to keep yourself humble and that i don’t owe you any credit for my success, but i honestly do.

even outside of writing and just in life in general, i felt stuck for a while and lost all motivation for quite some time, but stumbling across your page helped me find my spark that i was sure wouldn’t come back.

hell, you’ve even got me considering posting on this awfully frightening site, which is, oddly enough, an almost impossible task since ive been avoiding it for years. (but then again, maybe turning 18 has me going all topsy-turvy.. who knows! adulthood, amirite?)

all in all, you are such an important part of this fandom and i truly hope you know that! i seriously could not imagine what the hell i would be doing in my spare time if i didn’t find you when i did, and you’ve made some of my days just that little bit better.

fuck all of those jerks who think you’re undeserving of the praise and attention you receive because to put it plainly, you just do.

have a great rest of your day! much love! <3

from anon ali :)

Ali!

You absolute sweetheart, I was smiling the entire time reading this, you’re so lovely, thank you so much! I don’t even wanna touch on the salty anons because you’ve made me so happy by being so cute.

Thank you thank you thank you’re being so complimentary, seriously you’re far too kind! But thank you (again) for reading never mind writing out something like this! 🥹

I’m incredibly honoured to even be considered someone that’s helped you with your own writing, honestly, it’s so sweet of you to say that and I hope you’re writing is going well! (You should definitely start posting on tumblr I’d love to read it).

And once again, because I can’t say it too much, thank you! You’re so lovely and so kind and you’ve made my day. I hope you have a lovely day or night 🧡🧡🧡

#tears #wow #ask

[ciaossu-imagines]

hello, this is nix! i’ve read the self-shipping headcanons you did for me and shoichi, and all i could say is wow. i’m in awe. it’s amazing that you got most, if not all, spot-on! i enjoyed reading them and thought to myself, “this makes so much sense.” they’re long and specific, so it must’ve taken you time to write all of that 🥺 don’t worry about having repeated some things because it’s still worth the read. i know you put a great deal of effort into interpreting the descriptions i gave and writing those headcanons, and i really appreciate it. i had never put much thought into self-shipping with a fictional character before, that is until you matched me with sho-chan (and don’t worry, i can share him with you! haha).

i would also like to express my gratitude for the two personalization prompts you’ve done for me. honestly, i never expected that because i simply loved your works without anticipating anything in return. so, for you to do reader appreciation gestures warms my heart. your dedication to giving back to your readers is amazing. 💝

one thing, though—i was laughing when you mentioned my pfp because i’m not even a feline enthusiast, and i’m allergic to them. it’s just that i find the icon picture itself cute and funny, so it was hilarious that it’s how you had pictured me when you thought of me, haha. oh, and the sawako face claim works out as well because i do have jet black hair, except that i don’t have any bangs, and i prefer a short haircut (i only had to grow my hair out because my health degree program requires us to wear a chignon most of the time. ugh!)

for the personalization prompt #1, no need to worry because i’m familiar with servamp from watching the anime. however, i have yet to read the manga, so there are characters i still don’t know about. even if i’m not deeply invested in the series (because i’m more focused on other fandoms), i still enjoyed it and the personalized prompt you made as well. 💗🎀

Hey Nix! It’s so lovely to see you back in the inbox 😊 I’m so glad you enjoyed the self-ship headcanons. I honestly had a lot of fun writing them up – I’m a sucker for those kind of things honestly, so I’m glad that most of them hit the mark! It did take a fair amount of time, but it’s time well spent to me! I enjoy it and I like being able to do special little things like that for lovely readers like you. I wasn’t kidding – your support, all your likes and asks sent in mean a ton to me, as I am one of those bad writers who really do get a lot of their motivation from interaction with readers and feedback/knowing people are reading! I’m glad that the repetition I did notice didn’t bother you too much. It’s really such a compliment to learn that my little match-up made you consider self-shipping! It really is just a fun and sometimes therapeutic thing, but that’s coming from someone with so many self-ships hahaha! And thanks for the sharing – sharing is caring, after all lol!

Aww, thank you so much for saying that 😊 I know it wasn’t expected from any of the people I did it for, they were all meant to be little surprises for those who keep me happy and motivated to write! I really do appreciate all my gorgeous constant readers and do believe that every single one of you is an amazing person behind those screens and when I sit down at my altar at night for meditation, I send blessings out in the universe for each and every one of you <3 Hopefully that’s hitting its mark in at least some cases!

Okay, but I am laughing over here at the irony! It sucks you’re allergic to cats and I can see why you wouldn’t like them if they make you all sneezy and gross feeling but yeah, the icon picture is adorable! It just did not work out well for actually inserting you into a universe, something I do with any of the readers I start to recognize by name or favourite characters (it fleshes out the world’s just that much more when I write my little cheesy stuff for myself or imagine myself/my OC’s in the various ‘verses!) That’s so weird that your health degree program specifies a certain hairstyle and that’s really gender-biased, as I’m assuming they don’t make men have chignons! I hope you’ll get to have your hair back to how you prefer it when you finish your degree (with great success, as I know you will!). I really lucked out in that, even when I was doing my clinical work for my degree in the health field, it was only the standard – long hair pulled back and I had to get rid of my funky colored hair and have it only natural colors while in the program. Thankfully my current workplace is fine with whatever I want to do with my hair, as long as I don’t shed into the pill bottles. And I’m glad you were at least familiar with the universe, even if it’s not one you’re deeply invested in! I just honestly could see you in that universe so well, plus another couple universes but the fandoms for those are so, so small that I assume nobody knows them haha!

Anyway, thank you so, so much for sending this in to the ask box. I popped on tonight to really catch up on everything new that has come in and to add a bunch to my queue and this made me smile a lot and made my heart happy, so really appreciate it and you 😊

#admin chatter

[talkingwithghosts555]

Humanity & Oneness-Conversation with Brittany Maynard

B: (waves) It’s so nice to see you again, Kim.

K: It’s nice to see you too. I’m sort of surprised to see you.

B: I know. I’ve actually been following along with your work and your journey and the more I learn in my life as it is now, the more I can actually appreciate the efforts of those…like yourself…in what you’re trying to help with.

K: Oh yeah?

B: I think that it seems like an uphill battle with people who are more “aware” (finger quote)…that anything would be any different than how it was or how it’s been.

K: I think for a lot of people who feel more than what’s being said or done…it does feel a little bit…almost like how the hell is anything supposed to get better.

B: Absolutely. (raises a finger and eyes brighten) but I also think that people are craving a surge of something new. Something that will make all of this awareness seem brand new again and get the curiosity wheels spinning again.

K: Do you feel like a lot of this awareness is set on repeat?

B: (nods her head) I do. I feel like people tend to get stuck in all the repetitiveness of the messages that have been put out there. The theme of cycles, unfortunately, will be repeated more and more in the coming months and I realize that people are really tired of all these cycles coming up to be repeated but you had covered that…well, I guess Cory had covered that. I think that a lot of us here (spirit) are coming in to support the repetition of cycles coming just to support the different responses that will come about from people engaging in them in a different way to grow within them and be finally free of them.

K: I really do feel like there is…there is a cyclical feeling right now. And I’m listening to all these energy updates saying that there’s all this new energy available but the sensitives out there or the intuitives out there have a hard time feeling that when there’s a bunch of repetitive patterns intertwined with that…at the same time.

B: There is so much intertwined and intermingling with all of these new vibes right now. A big clue as to how to better prepare for them is looking at how much you’ve decided to discard or lay to rest what’s already been visited with a new attitude or an adjustment in the attitude you already have. There have been quite a few people who’ve had to revisit some things that just won’t go away. Mainly connections with people though.

K: How heavily weighted are connections with other people right now?

B: Yeah…(nods her head) I’m glad you picked that up. People…connections with people…because that’s what we’re all faced with every single day is our interactions or our connections with people…because of that, a lot of the repetitive cycles in these “new energies” (finger quote) has to deal with people…it’s very heavily weighted.

K: Why is that?

B: There is a really big push to discover the humanity in humanity. Humanity can only be accomplished when the deep divide has been mended. Like, the more aware or intuitive individuals…they reach further into heaven…with their connections to spirits…energies…aliens (grins) instead of reaching deeper into the tangible connections with each other when the point of being a human is that deeper tangible connections with others creates the closer connections with spirit. There is still a sense of escapism with people who are connecting with their intuition and their awareness when the point of having these gifts is to dive into the gift that is humanity.

K: What does humanity mean to you, now? As part of the infinite?

B: The meaning of humanity to me is the same as I feel when I am spirit and the meaning of spirit. It’s a connection to everything that has a soul. If people could put aside the skin and bones of an individual and connect with the soul, as I do now, things would be a lot different. And the cycles that keep repeating with people are due to the fact that humanity is still not connecting at a soul level. They are still connecting at the skin and bones level. A soul level connection…human to human…is supposed to be like existing as spirit. It’s connecting just as I do to anyone on this plane of existence. That’s what the people, who insist on reaching further and further into heaven while not reaching deeper into humanity, are going to find themselves struggling with and it’s going to manifest as the repetitive nature of their relationships on earth. That’s why it weighs heavily right now. The push is for unity consciousness, but unity consciousness of humanity can only exist when connecting soul to soul and not ego to ego.

K: Earth…as they say…exists in duality. It’s difficult for me, personally, to understand unity consciousness…same/same when we live on the planet of free will and duality.

B: That’s a really big confusion for people. Unity consciousness doesn’t mean that people have to think the same or be the same…act the same…feel the same. Unity consciousness still respects the individual. It’s a more heart and soul based way of living. It’s more about using the intuitive…the feeling…the emotion to live but, at the same time, not allowing the emotion to have the final say. It’s important because of all the conflicting emotion on a planet like earth…people still feel the heavier stuff and when people continue to feel the heavier stuff, that’s when wisdom comes into play and that’s using the mind and the heart as that wisdom which is also a huge part of unity consciousness. Nine times out of ten, when ruled by sadness or anger or fear…those emotions are usually something that we are holding onto from someone else. Any sort of anger or sadness that we feel is mostly triggered by another’s action or inaction or someone else telling us how something “should” (finger quote) be and it brings about feelings of inadequacy that can have us reacting to something. When we act out of our own peace or our own joy…our own inner strength and our own happiness…that isn’t triggered from anything outside of us. That’s our own true calling. That’s our own highest selves being initiated to go forward and live from our souls. It’s very different. And that’s the cycles that are being tested in these “new energies” (finger quote) Are people going to react as they always have…keeping themselves separate and little or are people going to respond with a…bigger maturity level and with their own cultivated sense of strength, honor, love, respect…personal boundaries of what will assist them in their personal growth and evolution. That’s unity consciousness because if we have a humanity that only acts from the latter while maintaining their own individuality and uniqueness…there is a greater consciousness being grown and when one can find the heaven in their own humanity and the humanity of everyone around them, that’s when heaven is grounded into earth which is what everyone wants. It takes a lot from a person to constantly ignore life while reaching further and further into heaven and that sometimes feels like people are just spinning their wheels. It creates more insecurity and questions about whether or not what they feel or see from spirit is even real. When all of that is grounded, first, into the earth where they live and practiced from human to human, there aren’t so many questions about the energies they feel that they are so…addicted to trying to hold onto that are labeled “spirits” or “energies”. People need to start validating their own stuff. They need to start homing in on their own confidence about what they bring to earth as who they are just in their every day. If there is a constant doubt about their intuitive abilities with heaven, there will be constant doubt about their connections with other people.

K: So, it kind of goes hand in hand.

B: Yes. It does.

K: Don’t you feel like it’s natural for a person to doubt?

B: I do. It’s absolutely natural to doubt what someone is connecting with, both on a spiritual level and a personal…physical level. It’s very natural to question it. It’s important to. The thing that I’m seeing more and more is that people are questioning themselves out of what’s meant to be. I feel like…(brings a knee to her chest and rocks a bit) it’s such a waste.

K: How does a person not spiral in question and doubt?

B: I think it’s a good exercise to ask the question only once and ask the question without the head. The best way to do that is to write it down and then write down yes or no immediately when it comes to you. That’s called channeling. When someone channels an answer to a question, it’s the immediate. The intuitive never ever wavers or falters or has to think about it. Once a person receives a yes or a no, they close the journal and let it sit. Letting something sit doesn’t mean thinking about it over and over and over again because you’ve already got an answer. Letting something sit is allowing the humanity part to take over and the wisdom factor gets to create the smallest action toward that yes/no answer. What people have a tendency to do is to run with all these made-up scenarios…especially about another person. This is a great exercise to do with questions about someone in your life that feels very repetitive and journaling…if you try it…it’s not so much using your head. It’s actually writing from your heart.

K: Do you find people are getting so wrapped up in the outside world that they are forgetting themselves a bit and that’s why things are in this state of repeat…because there’s not enough…there’s not enough of a relationship being built with Self to get to know who you are, at the heart of things, before getting to know others?

B: (nods and smiles) Unity consciousness starts with Self first. How are you going to practice unifying a world when the Self…you, personally, feels so broken up and fragmented because you’re trying to be so many things to so many people that you’ve lost sight of who you really, really are as the person who walk around and connects with life? There is a lost…there are lots of friendships lost but I’m talking about the friendship between a person and their soul…their heart…the relationship they have with who they look at in the mirror every day. That relationship has to be healed first but very few people want to work on that relationship. They want the outside relationships to validate who they are on the inside and those aren’t the relationships that are being supported first. The primary revolving door relationship that is being supported first and foremost is you with yourself. It’s hard to do especially when people can’t even look themselves in the eye…in the mirror…and say, I love you. Those are the hardest words to say to yourself and to really mean them. Humanity isn’t built by people supporting others without first supporting themselves.

K: Wow. Yes. I have to agree with that. I think there are so many that are so burnt out because the focus has been trying to keep the peace with others or between others that they’ve forgotten about their own important needs…loving themselves first before showing that love to others.

B: Then any of that love that is shared with others is only a fraction of what it could be which is leaving humanity a little lacking in the unity…oneness quotient.

K: Got it. I really do.

B: (shrugs a little bit) I’d sort of like to help with that.

K: Totally. I feel that you do.

B: I’ve wanted to offer for a long time but the timing wasn’t always perfect or divine. (smiles)

K: Tell me about it.

B: The more a person focuses on their own…needs without it becoming a demand on others because of feelings of resentfulness or unfairness…the more a person focuses on validating their own talents, abilities, worthiness of connection…the stronger that will get because…honestly, it’s no one else’s business. Connections with heaven…the stars…different places and faces…is very very personal and whoever shares it with others…people who receive that gift…that shared knowledge…it’s a true gift but it’s not a requirement. Could you imagine a world where that stuff isn’t shared? I think a bit of magic would be lost. I think…color would appear very dull if spirit wasn’t shared with people. Anything in regards to spirit or heaven…shared with others…creates a sense of hope and magical possibility that can be built on. I think anything of this sort gives life to anything is possible.

K: Yeah, I agree. What about…like I hear all the time that there are people who will rub people the wrong way just even by being introduced. They are automatically not liked even if there are the nicest person in the world…people just don’t like them…the reason for that is that they vibe differently or they shine so bright that they make others uncomfortable because of what’s being illuminated within them that they just don’t want to deal with. Do you agree with that?

B: I do. Normal people…let’s take spirituality out of the equation for a second.

K: Okay.

B: Some people just can’t seem to make friends. They can be the nicest most giving people, but they don’t seem to make any friends.

K: Yes.

B: Because something in them makes others uncomfortable and that person who’s lonely…assumes that it’s because they said the wrong thing, or they don’t wear the right clothes, or they don’t have the same hair…

K: Sure.

B: But honestly, it’s because people aren’t used to unconditional love. I think that if someone has trouble connecting with others…not because of anything they are or are not doing…think of it like…people just aren’t used to being in the presence of so much love because they just can’t find that love for themselves, so they hide away from it. I wish people who have trouble connecting with others or making friends…I wish they wouldn’t take it so personally…even though it’s hard not to. I wish they could see that it’s not because of what they lack. It’s because of what they walk around with. Thousands of angels surrounding someone creates a lot of light, light that makes people uncomfortable. The connections will come when the person connects with who those thousands of angels are guiding them toward; toward the people that are meant for them. And it’s hard. It’s really hard. It can be a lonely existence for sure. I think the mindset can just shift more into…it has little to do with me and more to do with them.

K: It’s tough to make that switch because things are taken so personally or as a personal attack.

B: I know. And for the meaning of humanity to be felt…the defense needs to be dropped and to trust in a higher defense…that something bigger has your back and you are free to be your beautiful self…that needs to be used. Because then others will take notice and there will be more of a shared existence taking place instead of one that’s always on the defensive or being “triggered”. God, I hate that term. (chuckles and rolls her eyes)

K: It’s pretty overused. I have to agree.

B: I think it’s an excuse not to have to deal with what’s responding to being “triggered”. (finger quote)

K: Agreed.

B: Thank you, Kim. Thanks for visiting with me again.

K: Thanks for coming in.

B: You can…relax now.

K: Ha!

B: Trust in the truth. Trust in your truth.

K: For real, right?

B: Absolutely. See you soon.

K: Come back any time.

B: Thanks. I will.

#humanity #Oneness #spirituality #talking with ghosts #channeling #channeling spirit #new age #mediumship #psychic #intuition #automatic writing #message from spirit #mediumship readings #channeled messages #messages from heaven

[the-firebird69]

And several other changes that are occurring here what is their thinking of dredging and pulling all the boats out. Thier not sure exactly how to go about it, but they can quote health and safety and they do need those out of there importantly slow and they're farting around with it it's horrible. In a meeting cuz they tried to discuss it and people said it's impossible too many idiots don't want it and we left it at that but it needs to get done

-there are other things happening that are actually happening we have the news to proceed for 200,000 projects and out of those 45,000 apartments roughly and we have started half and the other half we begin today like clearing and getting the pads ready. Who else is starting half of the commercial projects and half of the retail and government buildings and all of the heavy highway and we shall be complete with the contracts probably end of next week except for some heavy highway which will extend for a couple weeks after which is fast for heavy highway. And we have more contracts coming to us and it's about this neighborhood idea and renovations and so forth and we're going to go and have and proceed to them they plan to award this morning, 100,000 more projects including heavy highway what about 4500 neighborhoods all over Florida that need to be ripped out and replaced at each neighborhood has two or three houses it's not that many it's just that the recycling effort would be a nightmare without a proper recycling plant and we need to install that and we need to have a few at least and they agree and we're going to put them in too and start them up very shortly. I'll try those 100,000 are many retail centers here in Charlotte county or toast and full of mold. And it's in everything and some of them are opened and I'm going to be closed today permanently until they move or rebuild and they're recommending they don't move their stuff cuz they'll close and condemn the place they'll have infected it even if you don't see it it's going on today and people getting locked out of their places and they enjoy anything to fix the place after the storm and that's what happens

-is there a few more things happening here in Charlotte county they are pursuing John Riva Lord and they intend on removing him from the office of sheriff this week instead of last week too and the week before that when that's what they attended to do and my husband's right there probably have to remove the police who work for him but they did add to the force it was 3,000 now it's like 5,000 or so and they reduced the more lots of 1200 out of that and today it's going to go to 900. Then tend to put them in prison and keep them there and put them back in repetitively and figure out how he's getting out and they're going to keep doing it.

-they're working to pull everybody out of towns that are walled and a lot of them are in Florida and they will have 50% of the times walled off today but tomorrow it'll be 70% they're increasing it

-few more things they're changing they're starting to get aggressive with criminals if you're commuting a crime you're going to be arrested here for harassing my husband you're going to be arrested here so what the max said this a.m.

And close out and say this feel like what's happening you'll see why and who's doing and don't bother us

Hera

I do have a couple things to add and while she was talking about what's going on in the max added items of things to do today and one is

To try and calm my son and stop these people from bothering him and she mentioned part of it if they want to start up an overall plan to do that and to try and heal some items to see what it is it's smart because we're doing all the time and we know what it is I'm going to figure out that it's just global problem more so

-they want to dissect Tommy f off the warlock and vice versa and see which anyone is each side and it was a relationship is what examine the other relationships too but this one is the big one

-they're doing research to see what the status is of VIP and see what happened to them and who's responsible for what happened it's a very important assignment for them to be doing because a lot of people are very angry as to what happened especially our son and daughters foreign puppy and Mama

-they're adding people to a list of class of s and they have a label system already and a lot of people here are able to fund on a class a nuisance and most of the time of wild cards they're adding so they don't need to be here

-they want to stop them, so they're going to step up pulling people out and go breaking the law as an excuse and they need to

-movies like cesario are starting up it's because of the ship and because of everything that's been said because they feel it's probably almost ready to launch so those are going to begin and that will start this whole series and they will be expelled and outlawed from being in the United States but Florida first then happens because of guantomino bay building up to it. We see the characters all over for me and we see them changing into them and eventually the show will begin and happen and a few things happen for it yes but our son mentioned that the money last night that was taken there was his and it's really Max money but our son handles and used on that yes it has been taking Cuba. He does take it there and it protects the island and the max are very pissed off

What is the Publish now

Hera

Zues

Olympus

[stevensaus]

Groove Is In The Mind (And Behavior)

You wear grooves in your mind. In your behaviors. You know this is true. After you’ve moved something in your place, and keep reaching for it in the wrong spot. Or you change jobs, schools, lovers, and find yourself driving to the wrong location. When our body wakes you up early on your day off, whether you like it or not. Those grooves can be beneficial. Good habits are just a positive version of this idea. But those grooves are not always so harmless, and sometimes they can get worn really, really deep. Those grooves are worn into our behaviors, into our minds, through repetition or through how powerful the events involved were...or both. Like stone stairs that a thousand thousand feet have walked on, the repeated small reptitions wear a groove. Or, if you shoved a bunch of C4 in there just once... well, that’d be a heck of a groove, too. To put this in terms of life events, if you spent your whole childhood being subtly neglected, that’s the feet on the stone stairs. Banner year in the Bender household? That's a sledgehammer. Bruce Wayne seeing his parents get shot in front of him? Yeah, that’s the explosives. You get the idea. Thing about grooves - stuff tends to roll down into them. The bigger they are, the steeper they are, the easier it is for things - or people - to slide back into them. This holds with even small grooves. If there’s a groove in a footpath, our footsteps tend to move toward that groove. If the road’s tilted to the side, our cars tend to drift in that direction. So when you notice grooves you don’t want in your behavior, you try to fill them in. Make everything level again, and you’re done. No such luck. Repairing our mental grooves is like trying to fix cracks in the sidewalk by spreading spackle with a spork, and no ruler or level in sight. It is absolutely worth the effort. The repairs - as well as your awareness of the groove - will help you be a more intentional person. Filling in those unwanted, harmful grooves will make it less likely that you find yourself in the same position you have so many times before and keep finding yourself in (no matter what that position may be). But there will always be the remains of the groove. Maybe you’ve just started the repairs, and while you don’t slide quite so far into the groove as you did before, you still slide into it a little bit. Maybe there’s just a few irregularities around the groove, small ones you barely notice, like the seam between two parts of a linoleum floor, until your foot catches that seam just wrong, and you fall flat on your face. Those times are frustrating. Infuriating. Painful. Humiliating. Those kinds of experiences can fool you into thinking that the groove is still there, as deep as before you started working on it. And that’s why I like this analogy so much. Because it’s one thing to say “recovery is not a straight line.” It makes sense, it’s an okay analogy. But when I look at the windowsill I had to repair with nothing but wood putty and a plastic table knife, I can see the irregularities. It is a hell of a lot better than it was before I did that slapdash repair job on it. It’s definitely functional again, in a way that it wasn’t before. But it’s a little harder to close the window now. I have to jiggle it just so, because of the way my repairs aren’t quite flush with the windowsill. And then I remember: I can keep working on filling in that groove. I can sand it down, and finish it. Maybe I’ll need to learn a new skill or two. Go outside my comfort zone a bit. Even get help from someone else so that I can do it properly. And I can absolutely do the same with the patterns and grooves in my mind. Featured Photo by Joshua Olsen on Unsplash Read the full article

#abuse #advice #mentalhealth #psychology #self-help

[tonystarktogo]

In celebration of my birthday *yay, I’m getting old*, here’s the second part of An Unwise Murder (An Inconvenient Survival). It’s only half of the chapter, but once I’ve finished it (which will hopefully be tonight although no promises cause I’m spending a lot of time with my family today) I’ll post the full version on AO3 as well.

*

Part II

Tony pours himself a glass of lukewarm coca cola on autopilot. It tastes disgusting, but that doesn’t stop him from swallowing it all down in one go. He should probably put the glass down afterwards, except that’s easier said than done when his hands clutch the fragile cup so hard, his fingers ache. Still better than watching them shake and tremble though.

Maybe it’s a remnant of being raised as the heir of the leading company in one of the most cutthroat industries. Maybe it’s just a byproduct of being the son of Maria Carbonell. Either way, Tony has learned the value of good pokerface early in life. It’s going to take more than some stranger appearing out of nowhere with ominous declarations to shake his composure. Particularly considering Mystery Guy has the guts to introduce himself as James. 

James. Of all the fake names he could have picked, seriously. The least he could’ve done is put a bit of effort into the pretense. Tony wants to snort, make a stupid James Bond quip, except—

Steve is dead.

Tony doesn’t know what to do with that information. His mind is racing into five different directions at breakneck speed and simultaneously shies away from the terrible, inevitable conclusion that rests at the center of it all. The implications of what Wannabe-Bond [who, by the way, is glowering suspiciously at Tony from where he’s leaning against the wall on the other side of the kitchen, the best vantage point to keep an eye on all windows and the door, and is apparently incapable of understanding why Tony might need a goddamn minute] has oh so casually announced — and, more tellingly, what he hasn’t said — are staggering. 

"Want some?" Tony gestures jerkily towards the open bottle of coca cola. Never let it be said that his mother didn’t drill some basic manners into him, whether the situation calls for it or not.

00-Copy-Cat shakes his head, which suits Tony just fine. He’s not in the mood to share.

Officially, Tony barely knows Steve Rogers. [And fuck, it’s knew now, isn’t it, no, no, don’t think about it—] They ran into each other twice, once accidentally, once on purpose. Both times they spent more time arguing than agreeing on things. Both times left Tony feeling raw and tired, a little bit like he’d just barely escaped a violent death.

Officially. Such a nice, convenient, little word, isn’t it? The grounds you can cover with that kind of safety blanket are truly astonishing. 

Tony takes a sip from his drink, is reminded that the glass is already empty, and promptly grabs the whole bottle instead. Lukewarm cola is disgusting, but it’s still sugar and caffeine — the magical combination, in this case. Tony has no illusions about his odd visitor: He’s going to need all the energy he can get if he wants to make it through the next forty-eight hours intact. That he’s got what is quite possibly a real-life assassin watching over his shoulder, screaming murderous aggression from his every pore, is doing wonders for Tony’s ability to stay calm and focused.

Not.

Anyone asks about me, don’t trust them. Anyone searches for me, lie. Don’t say anything, don’t admit anything, don’t imply anything. If they don’t think you useless, they’ll convince themselves you’re a threat. Do you understand? Steve’s voice whispers into his ear, low and serious and so irritatingly commanding that Tony wants to turn around and punch him in his stupid, white teeth.

But since he’s currently in the company of a more volatile version of Steve — something Tony didn’t know was possible — who looks like he might eat aspiring serial killers for breakfast, that’s probably not his best idea.

“Alright,” Tony says eventually, mostly to himself. “Steve’s dead. Shit happens.” Move on and adapt, is what is father used to tell him. These circumstances probably aren’t what the old man had in mind, but Tony has underestimated Howard before. The man has his fingers in a lot of pies, some of which the general public doesn’t even know the existence of. If Tony was three years younger and two times more paranoid, he’d suspect this to be another attempt by dear old dad to show him "the error of his way". Although not even Howard Stark would kill off Steve Rogers just to prove a point.

Probably.

Tony turns around and looks Wannabe-Bond straight in the eyes. [He’s lied to Maria Stark’s face, okay. This is nothing.] They’re a very pretty shade of blue, there’s no denying that. That doesn’t change the fact that it would really suck if those eyes were the last thing Tony ever sees though. He’s too young to die. He’s got things to do, people to annoy. Not to mention Pepper would murder him if he got himself killed before the whole mess with his inheritance is sorted out.

“That doesn’t explain why you’re here." As far as questions go, it’s an implied, roundabout way of asking. The kind that raises Tony’s hackles — as well as the spiteful child inside him — and makes him snipe back viciously in response. Despite that Tony can’t bring himself to ask the far more direct 'Why are you here?' out loud.

It helps that he really, really doesn’t want to know.

Wannabe-Bond stares at Tony with a blank expression that gives nothing away. It’s creepy as fuck, Tony’s not gonna lie. Like staring at a lifelike puppet and half-expecting it to start moving any moment now, even though you know damn well it shouldn’t. 

Double-0-Leather takes a measured step towards him. Then another. “How much do you know about Steve?” he asks in that gravely voice that makes Tony want to lecture him on the dangers of smoking. Totally not helpful right now, but it’s always good to know that, despite all evidence to the contrary, Tony has been listening to Pepper’s lectures. 

Not that he actually lectures Mister Tall, Dark and Murderous. Tony has some sense of self-preservation, thank you very much.

“I know seven different Steves. You’re gonna have to be more specific."

Alright, maybe not that much. In all fairness though, everyone who knows Tony knows he doesn't handle fear well. He just doesn’t. His fight or flight response is broken beyond repair — or so Rhodey likes to mutter under his breath when he pretends to be the reasonable adult he definitely isn’t and Tony has done something Improbably Stupid™ again — and it’s moments like these when it shows.

To his surprise, Wannabe-Bond snorts. It might have been a trick of light, but Tony could’ve sworn he sees the beginnings of a grin there for a second. Huh. Are assassins allowed to have a sense of humor?

“Fun as this might be-” Wannabe-Bond takes a hold of both of Tony’s shoulders, looming straight into his face now, and, nope, Tony doesn’t like that at all, he’s fond of his personal space, okay, this totally isn’t cool because he’s made Steve a promise and Tony keeps his damn promises — no matter what stupid, self-righteous Steve might think — and Tony really isn’t sure how well he’s going to hold up under torture, that is so not his specialty.

“Are you even listening?” the Man in Black snaps suddenly, in the middle of what is undoubtedly a lengthy, well-delivered threat. It’s the impatience in his tone more than the words themselves that jerk Tony out of his internal rambling.

“Not really?” he blurts out, then immediately regrets it when Double-0-Lame-o’s expression darkens even more.

“Listen carefully!” the guy grinds out between his teeth with the barely restrained violence of a panther on the prowl. "I don’t have the time or patience to play nice right now. This isn’t the time for games. Because I’m not Steve and no one’s gonna look twice if some mouthy civvie disappears." Tony does not shrink into himself — he’s been trained better than that, and it’s not true anyways, Pepper and Rhodey would raise hell in the wake of his disappearance— but, damn it, he really, really wants to. 

“We’re compromised," Agent McGrizzly continues with glacial calm. "Someone from the inside betrayed Steve. And you’re going to find the rat. I don’t care how, you’re gonna get it done or I’m gonna use you as a demonstration for what will happen to them when I catch them, got it?”

Tony swallows. Wannabe-Bond hasn’t raised his voice even once. Has spoken barely louder than a heated whisper. Somehow that makes him all the more terrifying.

“And how exactly—” Tony croaks, immediately clears his throat and continues without pause, "How exactly am I supposed to do that?"

Because even when he ignores every command Steve has given him — and there’s a certain delight in that knowledge, not gonna lie — even if he believes this stranger with a handsome face and murder instead of tears in his eyes, even if he wanted to — which he doesn’t because Tony Stark doesn’t help people out of the goodness of his cold, black heart — that still leaves him with a grieving madman sprouting conspiracy theories and nothing else to go on.

Tony expects many things in response to his very legitimate question. The USB stick Suit-Without-The-Suit throws at his face isn’t among them. Luckily, he’s got fast reflexes. Evading DUM-E’s claws whenever he’s trying to help because he’s fallen in love with yet another car is one hell of a training exercise.

The stick is unremarkable in all the ways that matter. A black, plastic casing. Nothing to see there, it screams at anyone who might care to listen. Tony stares at the small, outdated piece of technology in the palm of his hand for a long moment. Then, slowly, like a cat stretching before its next nap, he smiles.

"You should’ve led with that."

Sleep is for the weak anyways.

(tbc)

#ReRe writes #WinterIron #Tony Stark #Bucky Barnes #Secret Agent Bucky #Secret Agent Steve #Mechanic Tony #Hacker Tony #That AU I should've finished six months ago but didn't #An Unwise Murder (An Inconvenient Survival) #fic #wip #MCU #AU #James Bond AU #Tony loves his nicknames #I put a lot of effort into those to keep them from getting too repetitive so appreciate them