#I wish that all straight people would learn about the way queer people have been represented throughout history

[gottagobackintime]

I find it fascinating to witness the straight audience of any media not being able to pick up what the makers of the movie/show puts down.

It’s like when people reacted to the “You wear fine things well” scene in Our Flag Means Death with “aw, they’re such good friends” whereas the queer audience went “omg, this is happening”. We all had access to the same scene, we’d all watched the build up to that scene but the straight audience wrongly read it as friends/straight whereas the queer audience had suspected they were building up to a romance but this was the confirmation. Even the creator of the show was baffled that people were surprised that Ed and Stede fell in love. Because he thought they had made it obvious.

And as I said, we, the queer audience picked up on it. And I feel like the same thing is happening with Ted Lasso. Do I know that Ted and Trent will get together? No, I am unfortunately not a writer on Ted Lasso. But you can’t deny that there are clues pointing to it. But the straight audience barely pick up the fact that Ted and Trent like each other, be that in a platonic way or romantic way. I’ve seen several reactions to the last episode of season 2 and ONE of them included the scene where Ted reacts to Trent not being in the press room. All of them severely cut down the scene in the parking lot. One of the scenes most of us Ted/Trent truthers point to as a huge piece of evidence for it going canon. The parallel of them meeting in an empty parking lot, just like Ted and his ex-wife and Roy and Keeley. But because Ted and Trent are both men it couldn’t possibly mean anything. And Ted has an ex-wife and a kid so he can’t possibly be into men, as if there is no such thing as being bisexual. “But I’m pretty sure Trent has a family, he has a kid right?” So? He could be divorced, we also have no idea if his daughter has another dad or a mum. And the same thing applies to him, it doesn’t mean he can’t be into men (take also into account all of James Lance’s interviews, and his choice of shirt in one of them, friend of Dorothy anyone? He's the captain of this ship, we're just along for the ride tbh.)

Then we have the wonderful “I’m so not homophobic, in fact, you are homophobic because you think Ted is gay just because he likes musicals and has ‘feminine’ traits” um no… it’s the fact that he kind of acts in a way that an ally wouldn't. Yeah, he called himself an ally in that one episode. But every single person who is now out as queer who at one point considered themselves an ally because "I’m not one of them but I sure think they're neat" raise a hand 🖐️ (been there, done that. Was very into queer things before I realised I myself am one of them). What it always comes down to is "it's pandering", "it's tokenism" (having the main character on the show be queer wouldn't be fucking tokenism), "not everything has to be gay", "why can't men just be friends, there is a severe lack of male friendships on tv". And like the last one makes me go??? There are a MILLION friendships between men on TV. There are even multiple friendships between men in Ted Lasso. Beard and Ted, Ted and Higgins, Ted and Roy, the himbos and so on. Having Ted and Trent become a couple wouldn't really change anything because there are still friendships between men. They also claim that Ted is needed as the "straight without toxic masculinity" representation. As if Beard isn't right there. The man who has no problem going to an immersive show about the menstrual cycle. Has no problem with shrieking when he's surprised and so on.

I also like that if we'd get Ted and Trent together, we'd get two middle aged queer dads. Which isn't that common. It's not even super common to see people realising they're queer late in life on TV, and yet it happens every day. Because let's face it, most queer men on TV kind of look like Colin, and I don't mean that as a bad thing. And I'm looking forward to his storyline. But it's also nice seeing middle aged or old people finding themselves and being allowed to be who they are (see Ed and Stede from OFMD). Also would enjoy seeing people lose their minds when they realise they've been fooled this entire time. It'll be like Black Sails all over again.

I do not have any doubts about the fact that, had Trent or Ted been a woman and they saw Trent give up his career because of Ted's influence, they sure as hell wouldn't protest people thinking they'd become a couple. But because it's two men it's just delusional for some reason (homophobia).

What I'm saying is, it's clear that the straight audience has a hard time picking up subtext and clues that the makers are planting. Because they've never had to do that. Because they are always clearly represented. They don't have to look for minor side characters and hope that they might be queer. Because the main character is straight and most of the supporting cast too. When you've grown up with a lack of representation or with representation that is meant to be subtext, you'll learn to pick up on it. And you do look at media differently. I just wish that the straight audience could listen to us for once, without getting defensive and dancing around the fact that they are uncomfortable relating to a character that turned out to be queer.

#tedependent #ted lasso #trent crimm #there are so many times where I'm watching something and I go... hold on that is... is that a queer character... yes it must be #and then they do something small that confirms it and I'm like I fucking knew it! #I have 0 gaydar in real life but when it comes to media I tend to pick up on it #I wish that all straight people would learn about the way queer people have been represented throughout history #so that they might be able to understand why we have to look for subtext even today #hell we got ''representation'' in star wars and beauty and the beast and it was blink and you'll miss it #and they wonder why we have to make everything gay?? #because we want to be represented in a show that isn't strictly about being queer #yes it's nice with a ''everyone is queer'' kind of show #but it's also nice to be seen in a mainstream show that is loved by not just a queer audience but also a straight audience #nicole watches stuff

[emblazons]

Thinking about how people who only (or primarily) understand Mike’s arc through a “hes queer and coming to accept it / struggling with heteronormativity/will get his happy ending when he gets with Will” lens are missing at least half of what defines his arc in the wider context / themes of the show.

Forewarning: long post (& also maybe an unpopular opinion)

Even as a queer person myself, I know that his arc isn’t solely about embracing his queerness (though it’s inherently interlinked). In Mike, you have a character who is being radically challenged by both external circumstances and his own decisions through a journey away from all kinds of forced conformity (social, familial, romantic & heteronormative) and into someone self actualized enough to live how they want…while also being strong enough to accept that they made mistakes along the way. Someone who is learning to be brave enough to say “this is who I am, what I enjoy, and what/who I love…and while it took me a lot of time to figure it out, now I can exist in the world embracing that even though it will take consistently resisting the tendency to accommodate people who think it’s unacceptable.”

Like. Even from a time before puberty (see: S3) Mike wants a life that stands apart from what’s expected of him in every area, not just in choosing a romantic relationship with another guy. He wants to continue to be a nerd and “child at heart” even though something else is repeatedly demanded of him by everyone from his parents to El in his romantic relationship. He wants to be a writer and someone who takes those nerdy interests into his adult life (cue aggressive gesturing toward the duffers themselves) and grates against all that’s been constructed for him even when he’s not (yet) brave enough to challenge it directly. Mike liking boys/loving Will is just “the final nail in the coffin” of his social and societal nonconformity—not the first (or the last) aspect of what makes him different from Hawkins or the life he was made to believe would suit him best.

Even the fact that Mike has a desire to be “normal” comes from an insecurity and fear that choosing what he truly wants will lead to him being outcasted and losing the people he cares for entirely—which is partially motivated by his queerness yes, but that also has a basis in his general interests and personality…which becomes especially obvious when you realize we are repeatedly shown that he is punished/has his wishes ignored in all areas he doesn’t conform, even long before we get into a plot where it’s clearer he likes boys.

We see it in how his parents have already started to demand he put boundaries on the time he spends playing his “childhood games” the very first scene of season one, how they demand social acceptable emotions from him when Will is missing, and how Karen & Ted want him to give up toys in S2 when he’s showing signs of depression (because they think the issue is him growing up, not that he’s struggling with loss or guilt for what happened to El).

We see it in how his own father comments about taking his CA trip away from him after calling Hellfire being a group for “dropouts” in S4 (implying that he is failing on an academic and social level that matters to wheelers—and that Nancy is good at).

We even see it in the way everyone from his bullies to his own girlfriend threaten and take things away from him when he doesn’t conform to social expectations...from Troy telling him to jump off the cliff to save Dustin in S1 (as punishment for the one time Mike stands up for himself in the gymnasium) to El jumping straight into breaking up with him and spying on him when he doesn’t do exactly what she wants him to in Season 3.

All of these moments are critical to understanding Mike as a person because they show us that, even without addressing his queerness, Mike’s desire to conform to socialized expectations involves but is not solely about him moving out of heteronormativity—it’s about him moving against everything that WASP, patriarchal, heteronormative and capitalistic and performative “wholesome American” values…and how he is learning to move past the fear of what will happen if he steps outside the lines in general, even though he already knows he hates those standards.

Mike’s “coming of age” arc is about finding the strength to choose the “path less traveled” in all areas of his life—even when it means (potentially) losing the support of the people he cares about. It’s about starting from a place of privilege and becoming okay with being outcasted from it in a way your insecurities never let you be before (which is inherently different than Will, who has always been shown to have some kind of support not just for his queerness but his artistic endeavors as well). Mike’s lack of support is why he starts from a place of deep insecurity, yes—but it’s also why him learning power of choosing to be himself, even if it means “losing” people when he’s honest about who (& what) he is will be universally powerful.

You don’t need to be queer to understand the power of what it means to know you will be okay even if people leave you. You don’t need to be queer to understand the power of stepping outside social expectations or your family’s way of raising you. You don’t even need to be queer to understand the weight of breaking up with someone you were only with to satisfy what you thought you should do, rather than be with who you want to.

The power of being strong enough to overcome your insecurities in order to “step out of line” and live and love as you want to is universal, and a stunningly brave choice no matter what or why you chose to do so. The fact that Will will be there waiting to love him in that honesty with himself is beautiful, yes—but it’s not the only lesson to be learned for Mike’s character.

Mike starting out with everything the world (or, at least America) tells would make you happy, realizing he is not happy with those things and rejecting them knowing it might have consequences is what makes his arc powerful, because he is learning (exactly like his sister Nancy) to be brave enough to accept those consequences (which for him are getting dumped, and feeling like he’s being left behind by some of his friends) to follow his own heart.

Even though The Duffers aren’t writing this into a tragic ending (aka: he’s not going to die or be left alone, because the duffers writing is inherently designed ro champion the outcast), these are the things that have (and will) make him relatable even to an audience that doesn’t know queerness. Erasing the fact that his lesson is the bravery it takes to follow your heart solely to talk about him liking guys (even Will) is to undermine his humanity, and the lessons to be learned from him by even the most general an audience.

TL:DR - the heteronormative aspect of Mike’s character is not the sole or even inherent issue within Mike, though heteronormativity is inherently built into his struggle.

There are deep dives on how his arc is also about a war against toxic patriarchy, toxic masculinity, emphasis on capitalistic and academic accomplishments over artistic ones, and even conformist relationships (whether they’re queer or not) that should be explored for his character—and I for one like him too much not to move out of just “this boy is queer because xyz” and into “let’s talk about Mike in terms of the wider scope of his cultural context and upbringing.” 🤷🏽‍♀️😂

#imma go watch the Oscars now but #i know people mean NO HARM in focusing on the heteronormative part of his arc because on tumblr esp that is inherently relatable but #it’s not the only thing that makes his character interesting! #and it’s not the only thing he’s struggling with in his ‘coming of age!’ #understanding white masculinity in America on a wider scale is SUPER helpful to understanding Mike #and in that sense Reddit is actually pretty good at catching his drift—THEY JUST DONT REALIZE THE DUFFERS ARE U N D E R M I N I N G it #erasing Mike’s queerness is to do him a disservice. I absolutely believe this. #but to deny every other part of him that isn’t just expected to be straight is to oversimplify him aggressively #you need BOTH to understand him #which is why you need both El and Will to make sense of his struggle lmao #(I still 100% believe he’s gay not bi) #(but him dating a girl was necessary to make sense of understanding that aspect of socialized expectations). #ANYWAY. Sorry for the rant lmao #mike wheeler core #mike wheeler #my st commentary #byler #< target audience #stranger things

[enbyleighlines]

I always make the mistake of looking at the comments when I watch compilations of Soren’s cameos in Engage because inevitably, I always come across Those People who are sole-minded in their determination that Ike and Soren are Not Gay and somehow feel the need to argue this in every part of the internet where ikesoren shippers might gather.

And it’s just always an instant mood killer.

It also just… confuses me. Like, okay, I can understand why someone might be adamant that Ike is straight. I think they’re wrong, but I understand the mindset. Ike keeps his emotions close to his chest. He’s stoic and beefy, a stereotypical red-blooded manly man.

I don’t think they’re correct. I think there is plenty of subtext (and like, actual text) that validates the idea that Ike is, at the very least, some shade of queer.

But Soren? I feel like anyone who argues that Soren is straight must be either lying or have no clue what they’re talking about.

For one, the way he talks to and about Ike leaves little room for doubt. Ike’s place is where he belongs. Ike is special to him. Serving Ike gives him purpose. He doesn’t care if all the cities burn and the seas swallow the earth, so long as Ike survives. So on and so forth.

There’s also the literary parallels in Ena and Rajaion’s relationship in the first game, and Micaiah and Sothe’s relationship in the next, both canonically romantic pairings.

But I feel like even Soren’s character arc is a metaphor for the queer experience. He grows up suspecting that there is something different about him, something that causes the beast laguz of Gallia to ignore him, to be unsettled by his mere existence, to give him the impression he would be better off never having been born. And in early adolescence, he again notices something off about himself, things that set him apart from his peers.

Then, still within his adolescence, he figures it out. He learns a key part of his identity, something that he cannot change, something that marks him as sinful, a physical embodiment of a religious taboo.

If his secret gets out, Soren risks rejection. And so he is desperate to keep it secret, to pretend to be “normal,” to deny anyone who insinuates that he might be just like them. His fear is so great that, when Nasir threatens to effectively out Soren to Ike, Soren stops questioning Nasir, fearing Ike’s reaction more than the potential of having a traitor in their midst.

Then, in Ike and Soren’s A support, Soren finally reveals his secret, fully expecting it to be the end of their friendship. Instead, Soren finds immediate acceptance. Because it doesn’t matter, not really. This aspect of Soren doesn’t change the core of his character. It’s part of who he is, but it’s not who he is.

Is it not a clear metaphor for being gay?

Gosh I love Soren so much. A+ character. I just wish there were less people who were so dedicated to misunderstanding him.

#ikesoren #soren #tellius

[whycaninotfindausername]

Rambling rant/vent about queer impostor syndrome and the difficulties of discovering your queerness later in life, skip if it's potentially triggering or you're just not interested

So I'm 28 and AMAB and been living as "cishet" pretty much my whole life. I've been passing as straight my entire life because in school everyone using "gay" or a slur as their default insult basically made me just not want to engage with queerness at all so I kind of shoved those feelings away, and then for most of my adult life I have been in a relationship a woman. I admitted to myself that I was bi a couple years ago, but I never really explored that part of my sexuality outside of private thoughts and fantasies.

Now, I'm recently single and wanting to experiment and explore my sexuality and gender but I feel so distant from other queer people. I know that I'm attracted to more than just women, and I spend way too much time looking at egg memes and secretly trying on girls' clothes and wanting to be cute and pretty to realistically keep identifying as a cis man in the long term, but because pretty much everyone perceives me as just another cishet guy, I don't know how to actively engage with queerness. It's especially disheartening when I'm around queer people and they make jokes about me being a "token straight" or someone will reference something like drag race or something that's part of "queer culture" that I'm unfamiliar with and just say I'm too straight to get it. It just makes me feel like maybe I can't be queer because I don't fit in, and while I know that that feeling isn't based in anything rational, I still feel it.

Also seeing younger queer people so confidently assert their identities in such an open and celebratory way is bittersweet for me. It brings me so much joy to see them exploring themselves and being out and open, but at the same time, I feel envious that I haven't been able to do the same yet. I know it's never too late to come out and everything, but I wish I would have been able to do it at a younger age, when it feels more comfortable to be experimenting and trying new things. When I was at university, I experimented a lot, I hung out with different groups of people, I explored new interests, learned new ways of thinking, and all this sort of stuff, but now everything in my life is so stable that the thought of going back to that experimental and developmental stage in my life is kind of scary.

I haven't really seen/heard people voice feelings like this much before, so idk if this is going to resonate with anyone at all (especially on what is probably one of the queerest spaces on the internet) but I just wanted to get these feelings out somewhere and I figured this was probably the best place I have to do it

#lgbt #trans #transgender #bisexual #gay #queer #queerness #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq+ #nonbinary #gender identity

[melonbuffet]

Okay so I've seen a vibe of dissatisfaction with episode one of Cherry Magic Thai because of the framing of Achi (spoilers and ramble under the cut)

as a sexual being - ie. he appears socially aware of and interested in sex and romance, he just happens to be a virgin a little later than many due to a combination of lack of opportunity because of his work and his passivity due to his personal insecurities about himself.

I think if he'd been angry or upset about this in particular in the episode that may have been a little disheartening for me, but he isn't at all, merely listing this aspect of his life among others as a reason he feels has not met the expectations of everyone around him.

It's not personal at all, and not something he feels he should achieve in some way - it's something he knows other people think he should have done. In fact the narrative framing suggests its the other things he discusses he's more personally jealous of, as he places himself in comparison to the single Karan - the recognition, the status, the attractiveness in the eyes of others. He's different to Adachi because he's more resentful and socially aware, but this makes him more human and empathetic, and more clearly open with friends before the magic.

I love Adachi, but this style with Achi grounds the character and makes a remake a remake, rather than watching the exact same show again.

The episode doesn't tell us that Achi needs sex, it tells us that he wants to be seen, which couldn't be truer to why Adachi falls for Kurosawa in the original adaptation. The themes are still there, just told through a different lense.

Added to which, the premise of the whole thing is that he will willingly give up a superpower which he admitted he grew to enjoy having because he ends up wanting to have a sexual relationship with his partner. This adaptation (hopefully) appears to wish to explore what the Japanese version didn't as to what that implies about Achi/Adachi's sexuality and their choices, by representing from the off that Achi and Karan have sexual chemistry. That choice, and their separation, will be all the more difficult and emotional for Achi to go through as we will be more visibly aware of him battling not only love, but lust, and perhaps grappling with the difference in his inexperience.

I would also argue that this story is based on the exploration of sexual attraction and sexuality, that's part of what what was compelling about the first, very gentle adaptation - it was akin to a queer awakening. Adachi became sexually attracted to Kurosawa to such an extent he was willing to part with his powers to sleep with him - allegorical for entering a queer relationship and no longer having the 'power' of being free to be seen as straight as default by being without love and relationships.

Adachi learns during the series, as all queer folks do, that his power comes from other places, and that sex and romance isn't something to be afraid of or something insurmountable or for people better than him. That's what the first episode set up for me. Ramble over oof.

#cherry magic #cherry magic thai #cherry magic thailand

[iguessitsjustme]

I have not been able to stop thinking about this since episode 9 aired and I read an excellent insight into Pat’s character this morning by @wen-kexing-apologist so I wanted to talk about Jeng because he is the character that I relate to the most. Granted, I am not a high level manager in my parent’s successful company, BUT I’ve worked office jobs and I’ve been in management positions and overseeing people. Please keep in mind that I am approaching Jeng as a white queer person who was raised (all over) the United States so I can only truly add the perspective that gives me. Also I wrote this while bored at work so I was definitely not nearly as articulate as I like, and this might not be anyone else’s interpretation and I completely understand if you do not agree with me here. With that said, here we go:

I am probably the most cishet passing person in the world. There’s no particular reason for this other than it’s just the way I am and how I like to present. I don’t risk my safety by presenting queer, I just don’t. I live in a big city, my family is incredibly supportive, my friends are queer, a good number of my coworkers are queer, I am not closeted. But people see me and they assume that I am straight. For the purposes of this post I'm focusing on sexual orientation rather than gender what I’m focusing on because my relationship with gender right now is basically the shrug emoji. Despite being out as bi since I was 24 many years ago, I still find myself constantly coming out to people because if I say nothing, assumptions are made about me and those assumptions are based on a heteronormative worldview that society has cursed us all to and those assumptions about me are wrong. 

Now let’s look at Jeng. I’m not gonna mention Pat because I fully believe that Pat’s response to learning Jeng is attracted to men was entirely based on his own repressed feelings and not entirely an assumption that Jeng is straight. Jeng passes as straight. I’m sure that’s due to a combination of his position, his family, and just his overall personality. We know that Jeng is out to people. He talks to his friend about Pat, Jaab asks him about his feelings towards Pat, and when he brings Pat home, Jeng’s parents see Pat and make some assumptions about what occurred. So a significant number of people in Jeng’s life know that he is gay and it’s not only a significant number that know but the people closest to him know as well. The other people that are able to clock Jeng in this show are the other queer people. Chot and Jen just know. They see how he looks at and interacts with Pat and can see the humongous crush that Jeng is nursing. So Jeng is working under the assumption that around these people, he is out. He might present straight and he might keep that up for work purposes, but he believes himself to be out to at least the other queer people near him.

Then Pat says this:

And Jeng breaks. And I get that. Jeng knows that Pat is gay, Jeng thought that Pat knew he was gay. Jeng thought they were on the same page. Other queer people in Jeng’s life have known he was gay without him needing to explicitly state that. Pat, the person Jeng has been flirting with and has confessed to (while he was so drunk he couldn’t understand Jeng you beloved idiot) had no clue. At least that’s how it appears to Jeng, who is now in the unfortunate position of needing to out himself. Let me tell you something, it is exhausting to have to constantly come out to people. Every new person that I meet, if I want them to know that I am queer, I need to explicitly tell them because if I don’t, they will never know. I’ve had people think that I’m just a really good ally before. There are times I wish I was so entirely and visibly queer that no one would ever doubt it, and I’m sure Jeng felt that in this moment with Pat. It just takes one look at his face during this scene to know that Jeng has been here before and he is tired and his heart is breaking.

How many people do you think Jeng has had to make a choice between outing himself or letting them work with false assumptions regarding his sexuality? How many times has Jeng chosen to closet himself instead of being who he is? How many times has Jeng been interested in another man but had no chance because that person didn’t know or care to believe he is gay? Just needing to make the decision on whether or not to explicitly say, “Yes, I like men” or “I’m gay” is tiring in and of itself, but then the actual saying of the words? Depleting. Especially to someone who you thought already knew. It hurts when people think I’m just a really good ally. I can’t imagine the pain Jeng felt at Pat’s surprise because to Jeng, that surprise indicated that Pat saw him as a good ally (again, I do not think that’s what was going on with Pat but this is about Jeng and his interpretation) and not as someone with interest in him.

Then Jeng learns later on that Pat just doesn’t understand how someone like Jeng can like him. It doesn’t make sense to Pat. How many times has Jeng been made to feel like his sexuality, coming from him, doesn’t make sense? I’m sure his dad had some things to say about it. I’m sure part of the reason he left previously was due to that. So while Jeng is out, it is a constant coming out process and then an entire new process to get people to believe it. Jeng’s sadness is mostly about Pat rejecting him, but I’m sure at least a small part of it is also the tiny piece of him that was so sure that Pat at least knew he was gay.

Jeng now believes that Pat has only ever seen him as his straight boss and that can’t change. Pat sees him as a coworker, not even a friend, not even a member of the queer community. Just a coworker and nothing more. The revelation that Jeng likes and is attracted to men, made Pat uncomfortable. Is it because Jeng doesn’t obviously present as gay? Is it because he isn’t as clockable as someone like Chot? Now Jeng has to think of not only all of his interactions with Pat, but also all of his interactions with the other queer people in his office. Does he have to come out to them too or do they already know like he thought they did? Jeng was so busy being the most smitten man in the universe, it didn’t occur to him that his giant, massive, all-consuming crush on Pat might not have been obvious. I’m guessing the straight people in his office have been working under the assumption that he is straight. Will he need to come out to them too? He has been handling this for who knows how long, but this time, this time it HURTS.

Jeng was so worried about crossing the boundaries by being Pat’s boss that he didn’t even think about how dating a man would impact his worker’s perception of him. I don’t think he ultimately cares about what they think of his personal life or his personality as long as they are able to function as a department. But when Pat asked if he liked men, Jeng had to start reevaluating everything. Not just his interactions with Pat, but his interactions with the world. No wonder he seemed so just completely and utterly tired this episode. When Jeng and Pat finally work through their little miscommunication issues (which makes so much sense and work so well with this show I can’t even begin to describe my actual love for it which is weird cause miscommunication is my least favorite trope), I don’t think Jeng will actually change anything about the way he presents himself to the world. He still has his family to think about, and he’s still, well, he’s still Jeng. But I think this gave him some things to think about himself that he probably already knew but didn’t think he would have to explain to another queer person. Especially not Pat. Pat is out at the office, but it wasn’t entirely his choice. Pat outed himself so he would stop getting put in awkward conversations about the women in the office. Jeng might have seen something similar to himself in Pat. Pat could potentially pass as straight, and in fact did at the very beginning. He let people think he was dating a woman. Pat was careful who he came out to at the office. Jeng probably thought that of all people, Pat would understand him the best. Not explicitly out, but not in the closet either. How heartbreaking for both of them that their experiences clashed in such a way. But once those two get on the same page? They are gonna be the cutest couple in the entire world and I am so excited to see Jeng, finally, finally, be able to express his love for Pat to Pat as much as he wants to.

#step by step #step by step the series #step by step bl #yes i love jeng a whole lot #i also love pat a whole lot #i am very open to different interpretations here #because a lot of this was definitely informed by my own worldview and my own experiences #also please please go read that post about pat because it is so incredibly good and much more thought out and put together than my rambling #i read it this morning before i went to work and it was such a brilliant start to my day

[system-of-a-feather]

Some Anecdotal Debunking Things About DID Treatment and DID in General

So we're thinking of possibly taking a VOLUNTARY break from therapy as we swap insurances, pick up a new job, open a new part in life etc due to it being an additional complication and we have gotten to a place in healing where we are not as dependent on regular professional support (though we do intend to return when settled to work through a few more things)

And while I know its no where compared to how long some others have been in it, after 7 years of weekly / biweekly therapy and 5 years of DID specialist therapist who explicitly worked with the FBI that helped victims from trafficking cases (luckily not us) just some straight up things about DID that I see non-DID people saying especially on a certain other website that starts with r and ends int t.

Thought it would be a fun thing to do while biking and before studying.

DISCLAIMER: This is based on my experience in healing and working with my therapist. My answers are not the only experience. This is 100% anecdotal. I don't think this will get big enough for me to need to say this, but do not use this post as evidence for literally anything.

"DID isn't having a bunch of friends in your head talking and making jokes and waiting for turns!"

Eh, usually not but why can't it be? Like it takes time and work but people without DID can sit in their head and make jokes at themselves and have fun with themselves. Why is it so outlandish that someone with DID could eventually be happy enough with themselves to get that? Cause tbh, its a lot of how thing are now for us so...

"DID is due to severe and horrific childhood trauma! There can't be this many people who experienced that!"

Oh how I WISH I had your naivety.

"No therapist would just acknowledge something! They would always diagnose! If they don't diagnose you don't have it."

Nah they do. Sometimes its not the main or relevant concern to diagnose (as DID is the primary diagnosis) and other times the diagnosis itself is stigmatizing and/or not the strongest in its construct (a lot of personality disorders) or most of the symptoms of that disorder are mostly covered by other disorders; or just straight up they don't like to diagnose those disorders for a number of clinical reasons. Also, sometimes people are undiagnosable which does not mean "does not have" but that their specific case makes it impossible to create a certain diagnostic differential as it is unclear which came first. We are undiagnosable for autism as we have had an autism and trauma specialist both say we behave and appear very autistic however we have too few overt dysfunctions so it is unsure if we "learned it" from the two family members we have + have OCD, OCPD and PTSD or if we are just a well-adjusted / adapted individual. Either way, it would hardly be a relevant diagnosis, so no therapist finds value in trying to spend time getting the the core of it.

"You can't switch on command!"

Yes but no. You can learn to be really good at switching and drawing parts out but there will always be a margin of error cause shit be like that.

"You can't have two alters talking at the same time at the front! You can't rapid switch"

Yeah nah, we've had four it's chill. Welcome to lessening dissociative barriers.

"You can't split alters after childhood"

the fuck you on about of course you can life sucks after childhood too dumbass

"Introjects / Fictional Introjects aren't real!"

Nah. *sips drink in introject*

"Animal alters aren't real! Inanimate object alters aren't real!"

Nah. Our therapist has seen dragons and zombies and werewolves, we had even specifically mentioned this. They're pretty darn common.

"Why are all their alters QUEER?"

Have you considered.... that they might be queer? Just a thought.

"If you had DID people would know! It would be obvious!"

Nope.

"If you had DID no one would know! It would be covert!"

Also nope.

"A GOOD therapist would not let you operate as different parts! They wouldn't feed into the delusion! They'd have you fuse"

Wow, I didn't know forcing your patient to do anything is the HALLMARK of a good therapist, thanks for letting me know. /s

"DID is a life altering disorder! It would ruin your life! You would be unable to do anything!"

Uhhhh no. That's just infantilizing and honestly a really negative / problematic thing to say about anyone with mental illness. Thats the shit that perpetuates the "this mentally ill person should be institutionalized 24/7

"People with DID can't drive!"

Partially true. A lot of people with DID can struggle with driving, but plenty can navigate that.

"Parts can't talk to one another! Parts don't know about eachother! Parts dont know / talk / do XYZ"

Nope. Just that shits all dumb ngl get your head out of your ass.

"People with DID would hate having parts! People with DID would not actually identify as multiple people! People with DID would be chronically miserable!"

Bro stop. Not true.

"People with DID would ALWAYS identify as multiple people. People with DID would LOVE having parts"

Not as common of a thing I've heard but also not true

"Befriending and sharing your experiences / being overt with your DID expression is only harmful and only worsening the condition."

Nah a large part of DID recovery is learning about your disorder and the parts you have to navigate life with and realistically it is very difficult to hide this disorder from people who are permanent parts in your life so a lot of the time - at least with your close personnel - it's very important to be open and communicative about it and leave space for all parts to exist as they wish.

"You can't have THAT many disorders"

Have you read about how badly chronic childhood stress fucks up the body and brain? People with DID tend to have a fucking essay worth of diagnoses. Chronic childhood traumatic stress is extremely damaging and taxing.

That's all for now cause I need to get to studying but just a few. Maybe Ill add more as I think of more stupid things I've heard.

EDIT: one more important one

"XYZ trauma isn't real! This is all just the Satanic Panic! False Memories! Iatrogenic! XYZ trauma is fake! RAMCOA isn't real!"

You are a mother fucking little bitchy asshole huh. Who the fuck do you think you are? Please refer to fucking #2 and I wish I had your naivety

#alter: riku #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #fakeclaiming #did #probably some xiv snark too #ill give him credit #i dont hear him but probably passive influence #alter: xiv

[justmelookingbackatme]

What does it mean, to be proud? We have this whole month for it, thirty days of pride, and I have no idea what the word means. Am I proud? I celebrate pride, I wear pins with my flags and I go to the parades and I say all the right things. I say happy pride month and I say I’m proud all year round and I say I love being queer, but despite saying the right things, I don’t think I’m feeling the right things.

Am I proud of who I am? I try to be. I try to smile, try to believe it when I say that being queer is a good thing. I try to be proud, but shame burns in my chest and the fire won’t go out, so I think I’m lying to everyone. Lying to myself.

Does that make me a bad queer person? We’re supposed to celebrate who we are. We’re supposed to love ourselves. We’re not supposed to close our eyes and wish our queerness away. 

I’ve heard people say that being queer is not a choice, but if it was, they would choose to be queer. 

Would I choose this, if I had the option? I don’t know. I really don’t know. There’s a part of me that would absolutely choose to be queer, over and over. Being queer has given me so much joy– art, friendships, a deeper understanding of myself and the world around me. I wouldn’t trade that for the world, would I?

Would I? There’s another part of me that feels differently. If I could snap my fingers and set my queerness down, as though it was a weight on my shoulders, I would. Being queer has made me who I am– I wouldn’t be me if I snapped my fingers and made this choice. But this part of me believes it would be worth it, anything would be worth it to have been born in the right body.

Where does that leave me? Am I proud, or not? I would choose to be queer a thousand times over, and I would rid myself of my identity in an instant. I think this leaves me split down the middle. Half pride. Half self hatred.

Does being proud mean being out? In that case, I’m not sure where I fall, whether I count as proud. I’m stuck in a strange sort of in between-– one foot in a rainbow slide from target, the other foot rooted to the floor of the closet. I’ll wave a progress flag, but I won’t tell my parents my name. I feel so much guilt, like by being trans, I’m doing something wrong. I can’t be proud if I feel that way, can I?

The queer community is all about breaking down binaries. Gay or straight, male or female– we don’t limit ourselves to two options. So maybe I need to do this here, too. Am I proud, or am I ashamed? I’m neither. I’m both. I’m me, and my feelings on queerness are complicated. They can’t possibly be summed into a single word. But at the end of the day, my queerness is mine, and maybe one day I’ll learn to be truly proud of it. 

#s's writing #queer #happy pride month have a thing

[stripedwolf88]

I like thinking about little me sometimes (but only sometimes because I was annoying). If ten years ago, you were to tell ten year old me that she would have a tumblr where she finds this group of people who believe Taylor Swift is queer and she also thinks that and participates in interpreting her clues, she would have flipped out and not in a good way. On the outside she would say "What?! First of all, what is Tumblr? Second, no way I would think Taylor is gay because she's straight! Third, even if she were I would probably not like her because gay people make me uncomfy." (Don't come after me people who don't already know me, I am gay. I just had a lot of internalized homophobia.) On the inside she would secretly be the most excited kid in the world for that future because she loves Taylor's music even if everyone else thinks it's silly and overrated and has no real substance. She would be elated for those few seconds and then shove that elation down into the depth of her soul for another 2 years at least because being different is scary. Having a belief that doesn't align with the majority is scary. What is even more terrifying is being a person that is not "normal" by society's standards. Combine those and you've got a nerve wracking existence waiting for you.

To that 10 year old who recently resurfaced because of my introduction into this community and the hate that came with it, I will say this:

Being different in this way is okay. You've always been different. It is always so much better to love something openly and truly and be attacked for it than to hide it away. When you hide your love for something, for someone, I think a part of your heart shrivels up like a flower that hasn't been watered. It makes it harder to breathe. We're still learning how to express love freely without fear but I believe we'll get there and we'll have a full and joyful life.

This turned into a more emotional and in depth thing than I thought it would be. Oops. Lol if you made it down here, thanks for looking at my ramblings and I wish you a day full of warmth and joy.

💚💚💚

#musings

[herbeloveve]

hello!! I’ve seen you post a lot about the idea that butch and femme relationships come with roles that both butches and femmes have to fulfill, and thought off the top of my head that you might be a reliable person to ask to elaborate slightly on that concept? Like, what defines these “roles” and how are people meant to interact with them?

I feel I may fit into one of these categories, however I am relatively “newly liberated” in my self expression so I havent really navigated either one. That’s mostly irrelevant, but just for context in case it helps. I’m fully aware you’re most likely not a walking historical database so if you’re not up to answering, (obviously) absolutely no pressure!! It seems to be a very important aspect of femme/butch identity that’s being erased to an extent by modern discourse and expression, and I don’t want to solidify my external identity in a way that participated in that kind of erasure. Though, again, feel free to ignore this completely.

Cheers!

it has been way too long and i am so sorry for not answering this sooner, i really wanted to get this Right, yknow?

First of all, I just want to say thank you for coming to me about this, I feel very honoured that you trust me with your questions — with that being said I feel it is important for me to tell you that I’ve only identified with the femme role for around 3 years. I by no means consider myself a ‘baby femme’ but in terms of longevity, I am still new and learning and coming to terms with what femme means and what it means to identify with that role. Alongside this, I recognise that butch/femme is not necessarily lesbian-exclusive, though I am coming at this through the lens of being a lesbian myself.

Another thing- this might get long, and I may also come back to add anything I think of later, so if you would ever like to DM me, please feel free. 🩷

For ease, I will be referring to butch-femme as BF. 

While there are no criteria in terms of set ‘rules’ for being butch or femme, there are general ideals and roles that are typical within BF relationships and their respective individual identities. Not only that, when experiencing these roles and living them, they’re not supposed to feel restrictive; and they do feel that way, then these labels might not be for you- which is okay, but I’ve recently seen a lot of comments suggesting that BF culture is restrictive and doesn’t feel freeing. This isn’t the case for those who are BF- I found such freedom when I learned and grew into the femme identity- and I know this is the case for the majority of butches and femmes I see online. 

I wish I could find the full quote, but I once saw someone refer to butches as being ‘the helpful one’. Which, in my opinion, is absolutely true– to me it feels adjacent and much alike to the concept of butch chivalry! 

". . . a butch is someone who has taken on the best gendered characteristics of both woman and man, left a lot of the stuff born of misogyny and heterosexism behind, and walked forward into the world without apology." – S. Bear Bergman, "Butch Is a Noun"

I am femme. I find comfort in butch lesbians and protecting them. I love being on my butch’s arm. I love being confusing to cis and straight people because they look at me and don’t understand me. Exploring my femininity through being femme has brought liberation in a way I didn’t know was possible.

I think a big misconception about BF identities is that only butches can fall into ‘gender non-conforming’ and femmes only fall into it because of their relationship with butches, this can be the case for some femmes but, certainly not all. While femmes are typically feminine presenting, we can and are still be gnc, non-binary, trans, etc. Many femmes will present feminine, but it is often a different kind of feminine and one that is rooted in their gender and sexuality– we will choose not to shave our armpits or legs while wearing our skirts and dresses. Femme is exaggerated and rooted in queerness and LGBT identity.  

You are right, in saying important aspects of BF culture have seemed to be erased; I don’t know if this is solely due to modern discourse, but I feel a part of this is a lack of BF-specific spaces. I find this, especially in smaller cities and areas where BF culture - and lesbian subcultures as a whole - are virtually non-existent. For example, my country, and by effect, my city, has very limited BF-specific events, clubs, etc. Whereas if you went to NYC, you might find more of the culture there. 

In my experience, a lot of the BF subculture has been found online, through literature, and through art. If you haven’t already, I really do urge you to read the likes of Stone Butch Blues, The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader, Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme. I haven’t read Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold: The History of a Lesbian Community by Elizabeth Lapovsky Kennedy, but I hear it’s also a good introduction on the history of BF identities. 

I think what can be daunting about BF identities is there are more identities within them - Stone Butch, Stone Femme, High Femme etc. and exploring these are also quite scary- especially when it comes to trauma and past experiences. I don’t want to get into this too much, but if you have follow-up questions, I will absolutely do my best to answer, though, Stone Femme [tops] and stone butch [bottoms] exist and are loved. 

Final thoughts before I go on separate tangents… There is no one size fits all when it comes to BF identities. You are well-within your right to try different labels and see how they fit, and if they don’t fit then that’s okay! It’s all a learning experience.

#butchfemme #butch #femme #anon #im so sorry this took so long #i wanted to make sure i covered you entire ask #pls ask for clarification if you need any! #or if there's any followup q's

[alexawynters]

Question to the trans men out there, I am in need of some advice, please!!!

(People from home I think I cleared you out but if I missed you and you see this post - no you didnt)

So this is probably weird and please don't judge me, but.. how did you always know you were a guy? How did you know, did you feel like you were trapped in the wrong body, or were there other clues?

Just asking because.. well.. just for some background, I am afab lesbian, but when I was little my daycare once asked me which Disney character I'd like to be and I apparently said "Aladdin ", and I think about that a lot.

I also think about how I always felt wrong growing up, and then I learned about lesbians and I thought "oh I'm not in the wrong body, I'm just a lesbian".

But.. I don't know? Haha. Weird. My friends say I'm way too feminine in my mannerisms to ever be a dude the few times I've jokingly brought it up. Not sure if that's just the patriarchy and toxic masculinity or if they're right and I'm just super confused lol 🙃 I will absolutely give them that I do have what are considered to be feminine mannerisms and I am absolutely very in touch with my emotions (I will cry at the drop of a hat - I'm squishy, don't yell at me).

I've always been friends with girls, I've always liked/loved girls. I know for a fact I'm attracted to women, and I'm not overly fond of men. The few male friends I have are usually trans men, or gay men, but even they are few and far between.

I love video games, I love adventurous things like horse back riding or going to the shooting range, but I also love when my girl friends want to come spill the tea, I get super giddy, like come on girrrlll, spill! He said wHAT?! The AUDACITY!

But also I hate my body. Total body dysmorphia, I cry and vomit when I have to look in the mirror too long. To be clear this is not just because I am over weight although that certainly doesn't help. My tits are DDD and I mean they're fantastic if I wanna wear a blouse (barf), but if I wanna wear a t-shirt it makes like this weird shelf I hate it.

I look at men's bodies, even those not super fit, and I'm envious. The jaw, the shoulders. The fit of the clothes, ughhh I wish my clothes fit ME like that! I've tried! Multiple exercises, I've seen masc women say get rid of your curves to help build that physique but it never seems to do the job. Everyone compliments me on my highly hourglass figure. I hate it.

I see tiktok and Tumblr posts of trans men who are almost fully transitioned, and they look so happy in themselves, so confident. They look like how *I* want to look.

Growing up, any time I tried to wear anything I felt remotely comfortable in, my mother would say I looked like a "dyker-biker" (wtf even is that insult, mom???). Which isn't inherently anything bad, but the way she said it always made me feel like I should be ashamed, so I feel like I learned to avoid wearing the clothes I actually wanted to wear.

I hate dresses and skirts. I don't care what temperature it is outside. I would rather die than wear either. Shorts, pants, or nothing.

I've sort of tried to broach the topic with friends as I mentioned, and they always say I'm too feminine, or I would have to be gay (no offense men, no thank you). Don't get me wrong our entire friend group is queer lf some sort with the exception of two token straight friends, so the topic should be safe with them if I qanted to bring it up more seriously. But the brushing it off has me terrified. They used to talk about a former friend of ours for example when we were in college and you know figuring ourselves out, who used to waffle between their identity and we all (I'm ashamed to say I went along eith it) said they were just doing it for the attention or to go with the flavor of the month.

Well.. I don't want them to think that about me. Karma is a bitch haha. Especially not my best friend. She's been my best friend for almost two decades, we've had ups and downs, we've grown, we've been through everything together. She's like my sister. I don't know what I would do if I figured this out, made some decision, and lost her because of it.

I know that's doing her and our friendship a disservice, we have grown, we aren't in hs or college anymore. She is the most caring and understanding person I've ever met, but I'm so, so scared.

That's not even to speak of my family. My mother took twenty five years to properly accept that I'm gay. She nearly crashed the car when I first came our (not my best timing tbf). My mother and I have finally made great strides in repairing our relationship, I'm not sure I want to rock the boat with even trying to figure this out.

I thought when I moved from Mississippi to Denver that I would leave everything and everyone behind and start over completely so I could figure this out. That didn't happen because life is fucking expensive and I ended up moving with some friends back home, I haven't really made any new friends and I certainly haven't let go of the old. I'm terrified to explore any of this, but I'm so tired of feeling miserable and not feeling like I'm myself. I don't know who that person is yet but I'm 34 and I want to finally finally figure that out and then be them.

So I guess I'm wondering, how do you know? How do you know who you are? And is it possible that I could just be a straight man in a woman's body? While still maintaining my mannerisms? Or maybe I'm just supposed to be a butch 'bean? But that doesn't feel right either. Idk lol pls send help haha I'm not crying while I write this or anything it's fine.

Also sorry this is all over the place.

#queer community #trans #gender fluid #gender queer #lesbians #ftm

[cursedvibes]

I had a bit of realization that in Stiches Across the Eye, Jin's only interactions with sorcerers are Kenjaku and Uraume and that as far as he knows all sorcerers are queer or exist and present outside the gender binary. Since Yuuji was born in like early 2000's with the world becoming more accepting to gay rights, adoption, marriage and the internet was more accessible I can't help to think of Jin wanting Yuuji who he already knows is different to feel happy and not ashamed of either his parents or their relationship or himself so he researches a lot of things on queer parenting, letting kids express themselves on clothing and hobbies regardless of gender, probably ask Kenjaku on advice and some textbooks but milage goes on helpful * that* would go depending although I feel Jin would probably learn a few things about himself along the way.

You really could get the impression that being gnc gives you superpowers lol so far he doesn't even know what sorcerers or curses are, he just knows that Kenjaku has some supernatural abilities and Uraume is also older than they look but their version of "immortality" is different from Kenjaku's. Also, he sometimes has scary dreams. And eating meat of suspicious origins is good for your health. He's gonna find out more soon though...

Japan's improvement on LGBT rights goes at a snail pace (there's no clear anti-discrimination law for queer people and same-sex marriage is also a grey zone), but they did have some reforms in the 2000s like recognising same-sex marriages from other countries and trans people are allowed to legally change their gender since 2003 (Yuuji's birth year yay), provided they're over 22, unmarried, in the process of or post-SRS, sterile and without children under 20. At least they lowered the age to 18 recently, but you still have to be sterile (tbf where I live trans people technically have to be sterile too to change their gender and have undergone some form of medical transition, marriage status and children are unimportant tho). In everyday action things look better and there's room for exceptions, but the legal and medical situation still has room for improvement. Recently, there have been a lot of positive changes. First case of same-sex adoption happened in 2017 and they introduced a partnership family system a few months ago which could potentially work in a similar way. Among other things it will allow you to pick up your kid from school even if you aren't the biological parent and make medical decisions for the child. Japan also allows mlm to donate blood, which makes them a lot better than my home country.

I definitely think that Jin would raise Yuuji with as open a mind to these things as possible. Both because of Kenjaku, but also because it's just not in his nature to think restrictive like that due to not being straight and adhering to strict gender-roles either. He's not that well-versed and up-to-date on the lingo or has a very close connection to the local queer community (Kenjaku and Uraume don't count), but for example Kenjaku made him realise that he doesn't actually care about his partner's gender. He learned about people changing their pronouns and names too and implemented it without much trouble. Same with Kenjaku's developing dysphoria. So, I think that he knows a lot of things instinctually, but just hasn't been confronted with them before and doesn't always put it into words. Like in the recent chapter for example, where he also kinda expressed that he doesn't see an issue with two men raising a child.

If Yuuji wanted to play with dolls or wear a dress, he wouldn't think about prohibiting that because Yuuji's wishes and wellbeing come first. He might not think of challenging Yuuji to try it out, like deliberately going to the girls section in a store, but if Yuuji ran over there on his own, he wouldn't think that's weird. Since he sees his relationship with Kenjaku as relatively normal, he'd explain it that way to him too. The whole "your mother used to be a woman, currently doesn't strongly identify with any gender but that might change in the future" is really the easiest part about their family relations...

He'd definitely get more educated through Kenjaku though and be very open to learning. It would also be a good opportunity for him to find out more about them by having them tell him about their experiences with the gay community in Chengdu or hearing about the new innovative surgeries they do in Thailand for example. There's gonna be a bit more exploration of Jin's attraction & sexuality in the final chapter, particularly in regards to how he feels about Kenjaku's current vessel, which isn't a woman (spoiler but not really). Lots of new experiences waiting for him.

Not sure how helpful Kenjaku's input on the matter would be for Yuuji... just being his mother regardless of gender identity already tells him enough as is and I don't think Yuuji needs much explanation from them anyway (I think most children are pretty quick on understanding these things unless they had a very conservative upbringing). I'm sure Kenjaku would still gladly give him a rundown of Japan's entire LGBT+ history. Now that will confuse him 😅

Btw, I think Wasuke has a similar attitude towards queer people & topics as Jin, he's just a little more steeped in tradition. So for example, his default thinking is that Jin will obviously seek out a relationship with a woman because the existence of gay people isn't really at the forefront of his mind, Jin already had a longterm relationship with a woman and even though Jin had some tentative gay feelings as a teenager, he never explored them due to already being in love with Kaori and definitely never told his father about it (as you can tell emotional talks aren't really their strong-suit). But if Jin had gotten into a relationship with some nice guy after Kaori's death, Wasuke wouldn't have had much of a problem with it. He'd be worried because of the risk of HIV and all the horror stories you'd hear about it on the news around that time, but he'd have no problem with the relationship itself. Maybe he'd be a bit surprised, but that's all. The problem he has with Kenjaku is more their abuse of his family members, not their gender. If Kenjaku had turned out to be a sweet, innocent little brain, he'd still be freaked out by the whole possession thing, but have less of a problem with their relationship with Jin.

#asks #itadori jin #btw this is specific to Stitches I can think of many scenarios where Jin would already be more informed about queer topics #like with my trans!Kaori hc he'd have a much closer connection to the local queer community and be informed about current regulations #he'd help and support Kaori in her transition #and have a clearer understanding of his sexuality too since he'd be challenged to question it much earlier in life

[cicadaknight]

tag game (horizon)

tagged by @artekai 💕🤝💖 thanks, pal!

1. ride or die ship: fashav/kotallo straight to my grave. mythological tragedies, those two, i tell you what.

2. most annoying ship: the boat aloy takes to san francisco. can you imagine, never rowing before in your life and making that trek through choppy currents and storms? insufferable.

3. second favorite ship: aloy/kotallo. the parallels of aloy and kotallo being forced into roles they never wanted, being alone and outcast from their tribes, moving through their grief and rage by learning to trust a new found family? being seen by another for more than their physical prowess but their humanity and creativity? excellent shit.

4. favorite platonic relationship: SYLENS AND BETA AND GAIA. Sylens getting taken down a fucking peg or two by a teenage girl and an infinitely compassionate AI. Beta being able to collaborate with someone (and an AI) who sees well beyond her mistakes and faults. GAIA finding consistent, complex companions who remind her fondly of Lis. Sylens making Beta food and teaching her how to cook. HELP ME.

5. Underrated ship: So many. I really love Aloy/Drakka. The idea of him being such a counter to Aloy’s single-minded focus on saving the world by being an absolute goober. But her seeing that he cares so very deeply about doing the right thing and protecting his people. Alva/Beta is sweet. I dig Erend/Talanah.

6. overrated ship: the odyssey. just kidding, i already made a joke about a boat.

7. one thing i would change in canon: the entire last act? specifically varl’s death, that kotallo doesn’t fly to the grove with aloy, that aloy ends the entire tenakth/regalla conflict via single combat duel, and then fights alone twice more with erik and tilda. RIP all the build up to aloy understanding that she’s not alone and all the people in her life are as competent and complex and have just as much stake in the fate of the world as she does. and beyond that, i deeply regret the way they wrote talanah in hfw. she shoulda had that fourth bunk in the base.

8. something canon did right: don’t get me wrong, i wish fashav hadn’t died at barren light, but i love his back story and everything we find out through his journals. added so much nuance to carja and tenakth cultures and characters in just a handful of paragraphs.

9. a thing i’m proud of creating for the fandom: i’ve been in a perpetual state of burnout for yeeeeeears. this kotallo portrait was the first piece i’ve drawn in ages. i’m also working on a bookbinding project and doing art for Kotallo with amazing folks on Focus on the Heart.

10. a character who is perfect to me: Hekarro. I hope the writers, animators, and actor who made him come to life are very proud of their work.

11. character i relate to most and why: uhhh like every other neurodivergent queer with trauma and parental issues, i gotta go with beta.

12. character(s) i hate most and why: tekkoteh. absolute steaming pile of shit. genuinely every time i think i’ve reached peak hatred for that slime, someone writes a beautiful fic where i find myself despising him more. in my interpretation, there’s no world where he didn’t take advantage of, manipulate, and abuse kotallo after his parents died.

13. something i’ve learned from the fandom: awww this is cheesy, but i learned how to take a chance and post things i make again. most people are so curious and so excited to discuss lore or characters in good faith. oh, recently i did discover i missed MANY post-mission dialogues for side quests on my first few playthroughs.

14. three tags i seek out on ao3: i’m guaranteed to get drawn into anything re: kotallo and fashav’s early marshal days, lis character development, aloy/kotallo hurt/comfort (sue me)

15. a song i associate strongly with my otp/favorite character: i made this playlist based off this fic. it’s basicallg my score for fashav and kotallo falling in love during their marshal duties. instants by skúli sverrisson and anything by hermanos gutiérrez sends me into pondering fashav and kotallo’s lives together.

i’m gonna tag @poulticepurse @fogsblue @rowanisawriter @ayaitch @robo-dino-puppy if y’all wanna do this?

#tag game #h

[alittlefrenchtree]

No matter how much queer cinema tries to do something good, they will never try hard enough because on the other hand they put a hot man and a hot woman in a film with a non-existent plot but lots of sex and it will already have all the attention and success in this world. Sad.

i'm sorry i'm not sure i got your point here, but the topic(s) bring(s) some thoughts to me that I think would be interesting to share so i'm going to answer your ask by doing that and i hope it will good enough of an answer? 😅

First thing first, I don't know the details of The Idea of you's plot so i'm not sure how non-existent it is. And we don't know yet how much they have or haven't changed yet. That being said, from my point of view, I would say cinema is very rarely about the plot anyway? It's something I've learned when I learned to love cinema. 95% of the time, the script of a movie is... pretty basic? Add nothing in terms of writing to the hundreds of other movies of the same genre that has existed before it? Most of the time movies are too short and made for a too large audience to be innovative in terms of writing. Which is why it was so hard for me to love cinema because writing is my whole existence and the love of my life. So I guess my first point is basic plot, or not much of a plot is pretty common in cinema.

My second point is that hot man fucking hot women and the straightness (? i presume) of the relationship and movie isn't the only thing that bring attention to this movie. Nick is one of the rising actor to watch at the moment, Anne Hathaway has been the queen mother of us all for two decades and there is the very-difficult-to-ignore Harry Styles factor (see what i did there? winkwink). Without even the fucking part, people would be waiting for this thing.

But my most important point is the last one. Obviously I'm only speaking for myself but as a queer person, I don't wish for queer cinema to have necessarily the exact same attention and success than "straight" cinema (whatever it is) has? I want queer cinema to be able to exist and to grow and to tell the stories of queer people with queer people (and non-queer people as well) and first and foremost for queer people (and if other get caught in the hype, all the better) but that's all? I mean it's like with everything else? I want the same rights and freedom and respect as a cis straight person get but I don't really want their lives? I mean it's fine wanting the same things and getting them as a queer person but it's not mandatory. damn, I'm very not eloquent enough to talk about it but I hope the idea is there somehow. Ask Brian Kinney otherwise, he knows better 🤓

Sorry this is probably way too deep for what your ask was calling for but well this is who i am 🤷🏻‍♀️

#alft asks

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

do you have advice on how to stop being bitter over not having a gf? I’ve tried dating apps but they’re really bad. Especially with the queer shit lately, it’s all been a mess. I’ve become very frustrated and bitter over being single. I had a “situationship” fail, she didn’t want to do online dating and frankly she ended up being borderline toxic anyway but I still wish things could’ve worked out for us. Especially since finding a gf has been really difficult for me. Ppl my age mid 20s are super immature and nonbinary or yk other stuff. I know I’m going to be single for a while (realistically speaking, none of this “you could meet your soulmate tomorrow” b.s.) I come from a homophobic af family so I had a lot of internalized homophobia I’ve struggled w and honestly staying single w no other gay ppl in general to talk this out with has been making me go back into those dark days.

Hi anon :D

I've been single for a long time as well, so we're in the same boat! I feel like finding a woman to date in your early 20s was also difficult before all the queer/nb nonsense, for most of college my only prospects were bicurious women who wanted to hookup with me to experiment. I was happy to finally enter my 30s so most of these women would be married and stop annoying me, but with the return of political lesbianism they're in all age groups now 🙃 Then in your 40s, 50s and beyond, you have to avoid the "late bloomer lesbians" (= confused bi women with a midlife crisis)! Is there even a time when it's fun for us to date?? I'm not sure.

It's important to remember that being single for a long time doesn't say anything about us, that doesn't mean that we're unlovable or failures. Plenty of good people (even among straight people!) struggle to date and hate dating apps. It's normal to be bitter about all the things you're missing because you're single (hanging out with another lesbian everyday, sharing good moments, support, physical affection, sex) but instead you could try gratitude exercises like listing advantages of being single (more free time, more time for friends and hobbies, you can decorate and organize your place the way you want it...) Beyond internalized lesbophobia, you can use that time to solve any insecurities, emotional baggage or trauma you might have that could cause problems in a future relationship.

Also I've said this already but I really want to insist: when society (and now the lgbtqiabcxyz+++) wants us to be miserable, lonely, and ashamed, we need to go out of our way to be self-indulgent and spend our time doing things that make us happy and fulfilled. You have a lot of free time, so instead of wallowing and doomscrolling, ask yourself: what can I do to make today a great day? Is it working out, calling/meeting with a friend, doing something creative, learning a new skill, finally finishing a video game, cooking a recipe you've always wanted to try? Even relaxing at the park for an hour or two without your phone so you're not sollicited at all can make you feel better! Don't wait until you have a girlfriend to live a happy life! :)

(... Also, if that's not done already, buy yourself a vibrator. You'll feel less miserable about being single if you can give yourself really good orgasms whenever you want haha)

[glittertimes]

Realizing that the reason I’ve always been uncomfortable with the thought of marriage and romantic relationships is because I assumed it had to be with men.

Like I’ve known I was queer since I was 14, but at the time I was like “Oh since I’m bi I can just date men, no one has to know I’m queer.”

But my reasons for dating men were more to avoid backlash from my evangelical Christian parents and to avoid the stigma and discrimination people in queer relationships face. This was a few years before gay marriage was legalized in the US, before rainbow capitalism really took off so coming out still seemed terrifying.

But I’ve been listening to straight women talk about their experiences in relationships, how gendered and economic power dynamics are always present, even when women have great partners who value them.

And then I got out of a relationship with this guy who I found out was lying to me the entire time and just being really manipulative.

I ended my closest friendship just before the pandemic so I was really isolated in my relationship with my ex and the entire time I was wishing I still had close friends who were women to talk about what I was going through and I was reading a ton of feminist books and trying so hard to understand straight relationships.

When I finally got out if it i understood I didn’t want this kind of relationship dynamic at all, and that heterosexuality felt like something I was trapped in rather than something I was choosing for myself.

I avoided dating for so long because I saw how my friends’ partners treated them and how they would detail their whole lives just to follow a guy who didn’t have much to offer in the first place. And then it happened to me and I felt like a completely different person because I was abandoning myself and ignoring all my body’s signs that this person wasn’t good for me because “he was so nice” and I’d never been cared for in that way.

But I learned I’ll never really feel seen or like myself in a straight relationship and I couldn’t run from being queer anymore, which I didn’t even realize I was doing because I was so proud of being bi and I took queer theory classes in college and I lived on the queer floor of my dorm building.

But I never wanted to feel how I felt in that relationship ever again, and keeping a relationship with my abusive family isn’t worth losing myself like that again.

#personal