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s-4pphics · 8 months

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dial. 5 (e.w.)

wc;cw: 3.9k, fratadjacent!ellie, all ocs r black coded<3, angst, weed, nun crazy… yet😝😝😝😝

SEVEN MONTHS LATER

You’re finally a fucking senior! Joy to the queer world!

After barely surviving your last term due to heartbreak and an intense depressive episode, the future ahead of you brightened the second you stepped into your aunt's home. Your summer was the highlight of your year… maybe even your life. What had you done in your past life to be blessed with such an amazing auntie?

She took you any and everywhere you wanted to go. You never imagined Iceland would be the home country you wished to be born in. The mountains, the bright green grass, the fucking waterfalls you only dreamt of diving into. You became a mermaid the second you and Niah jumped into the Reykjadalur River.

Every fiber of your being rejuvenated after your much needed break, and you were ready to get through your last year without chips on your shoulder. Fuck everyone from your past!

Moving in was always the worst part of the year. As much as you loved decorating, you never fully threw yourself into it until your third week on campus. Your fairy lights would have to sit in their box until you got your schedule in order.

You and Niah trekked back and forth from your dorm to your auntie’s truck, hauling in box after box until your arms burned. Your back was already killing you.

“Fucking son of a bitch— “

You interrupted Niah’s exhausted exclamations, “Swear ja— “

“Bitch, fuck you! I'm grown!” She dropped the last box near your work desk before slumping onto your chair.

“Alright, my loves!” Your aunt entered your shared room with bags of new bedding. “This is the last of it. Need help making your bed?”

You blankly stared at your aunt, and she smiled slyly, “Don’t look at me like that! You’re my baby!”

You shook your head, snagging the neatly wrapped blankets from her hands, tossing them to the floor and engulfing her in the tightest hug you could muster.

“I love you,” you mumbled into her shoulder.

“I love you, baby. You’re almost done, you got this,” she kissed your cheek a dozen times before pulling back to plant more on your forehead. And nose.

“Want me t’walk you out?”

“I got it. Unpack and get comfy. I’ll see you in a couple months, okay?” She bopped your nose and you nodded, embracing her one last time before seeing her out. Niah gave her a goodbye hug and watched her dodge exhausted bodies down the hallway.

Niah helped you set up your mattress topper and stuffed your pillow cases before your phone vibrated in your pocket.

“Dina’s having din-din downstairs in a feeew,” you sing-songed, “Come with us?” You gave Niah the best puppy dog eyes you could muster, her lips pursing as she glared at you.

“Girl… Y’all always wanna do shit when I’m fucking tired— “

“Pleeease.”

She sighed heavily before conceding, “If that bitch show up, I swear to god— “

“Dina wouldn’t let that happen,” you defended.

“Oh, she wouldn’t? Really?” Niah scowled.

“Stop,” you huffed in agitation, “Nothing that happened was her fault. She did what she could at the time.”

Niah and Dina never explained to you why their relationship rifted, but you could only assume that it was due to you and Ellie falling out. They haven’t spoken since the beginning of summer, according to Niah, and it upset you greatly. You all used to fall asleep on the phone together every night during your scheduled breaks, and now you were hesitant to have them in the same room.

You were never against Dina and Ellie being friends, even after she blew up on you; They grew up right next to each other, for fucks sake! They��ve always had a strong bond, and not even Dina’s loyalty to you would ruin that. Niah would just have to understand.

Your best friend rolled her eyes, but dropped the tensity in her shoulders.

“I’m not eating.”

You pouted.

“I don’t care about that,” she pointed at your stuck-out lip, “Get my purse.”

The booth you shared with your friends in the dining hall was tense.

You awkwardly forked your pasta while Niah and Dina stared at each other. You didn’t notice any hatred in their gaze, but the fire was there without a doubt.

This was the worst dinner ever.

“Sooo…” you twirled your noodles, “How was your summer, Dee!”

“Fine.”

Your bright smile dropped at her empty response, but you tried again.

“Cool! Did anything exciting happen? I saw you and Jess traveled a bit!”

“We did.”

Your eyes flickered between your two friends, their eyes distant.

“Guys, c’mon! This is so stupid!” You nearly threw your fork on your plate. “Why are y’all even mad at each othe— “

“I’m not fucking mad— “

“Ask her that— “

Both friends brushed you off in their fit of rambles, and you exploded.

“CAN Y’ALL STOP!”

Neighboring students began to stare at all three of you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

“I don’t fucking care about Ellie anymore! I’m over it! It’s a new fucking year and I wanna move on, but I can’t if y’all keep bringing it up every time you see each other!” Niah tried to interrupt, but you cut her off with a stern finger.

“I know why you’re mad and I appreciate you for caring, but Dina didn’t do anything wrong! You’re taking your anger out on the wrong person!” You took some breaths through your nose to calm yourself.

“I don't wanna see y’all fighting over this bullshit anymore. I mean it! Or we’re…” you looked between them with a harsh glare. “We’re gonna have a problem.”

Moments of thick silence passed before you heard a gentle snicker. Followed by a snort.

Boisterous laughter escaped both your friends while you stared in confusion.

“What’s so funny?”

Niah clapped her hands in hysteria.

“Who the fuck are you tryna intimidate— “

“She pulls one little prank and suddenly her balls dropped. How cute! —“

Your head jerked in Dina’s direction, “Wait—”

“Oh! You thought I didn’t know about that shit? Seriously?” Dina wiped away tears, “You’re nasty, by the way.”

Heat washed over your entire body at her smirk and arched brow, “My baby’s a fucking freak! Who woulda thought.”

Niah muttered whores around her straw with a shake of her head.

“… You still got the vid, or.”

“DINA!”

More laughter erupted from your table, and your arms folded across your chest. Dina’s hand met Niah’s from across the table in a high five.

“She does still have it, not gon’ lie— “

“SHUT UP, NIAH!”

The second Ellie saw you, Niah, and Dina laughing through the windows of the canteen, she hit the fastest fucking U-turn of the century. Her appetite dissipated in an instant and she booked it towards the parking lot and into her car.

She hated the physical reaction that took over her body whenever she saw you, the only thought on her mind being run, run, run.

After her last… encounter with you and fucking Abby, she made a request to move to the complete opposite side of campus. She packed all her belongings and was out of her and Jesse’s shared place in the nick of time, surrounded by faces she wasn’t used to. The thought of switching schools raced through her mind days after it happened, but when she realized that you hadn’t had plans to broadcast your porno across the campus’ Snapchat, she was at ease.

At least for a little bit.

Telling Dina and Jesse was, by far, one of the worst parts of this whole experience.

She hadn’t mustered up the courage to do it until two months later when Abby brushed past her with a mere nod of acknowledgment at a house party. Her hazy mind thought that coming clean would erase some of the guilt she felt, but it was all for naught.

All she got was a theoretical pie thrown at her face when both her best friends' exploded into the biggest laughing fit, she’d ever seen from them. They knew she deserved all the smoke she got from you and Abby after everything she did, and despite her attempts at being prideful, she knew she did too.

You never came along when Ellie was around for the remainder of the term, and she didn’t know whether to be thankful or full of fucking shame. It became a bit of both overtime.

She’d only seen you once after the sextape fiasco. It was during move-out week: your face was droopy and tired—probably due to finals— as you and your family hauled box after box into a truck.

Ellie hadn’t had a reaction to anyone like that since her first fucking girlfriend. The sweaty hands, the swirls in her tummy, the jitters of her fingers. It all came back to her and she wanted to vomit.

Looking as cuddly as you did that day shouldn’t be allowed. Ellie knew she didn’t deserve a hug from you, but she allowed her imagination to take over anyway, her subconscious completely engulfed by your scent and forgiveness.

Ellie’s head rested on her steering wheel, her head banging against it and accidentally sounding the horn.

Ellie’s never been in a relationship with someone who wasn’t selfish. She allowed people to take and take and take so much from her in the past, gladly accepting their overstepping and lack of boundaries if it meant she received their affection. It went on for so long until it abruptly halted and left her destroyed and alone. Her heart iced over after her last relationship went up in flames, and she vowed to keep it that way. If there’s no love, there’s no heartbreak.

She thought she could do that to someone else. Prey on someone as sweet and comforting as you.

But it didn’t work. You fucking cracked her. You’re a witch, and your pussy is godsent.

Ellie brought out that side of you and she regretted it (despite the jerks in her clit every time she reminisced about your glittery tears), and she owed you the most respectable apology she’s ever given.

Ellie reached into her hoodie pocket and pulled up her phone, messages filled with students asking if she’s around to sell. She ignored them all and searched for your contact that she selfishly never deleted.

Her thumb hovered over the unblock button.

Ellie’s heart is racing and she thinks she might pass out.

She got used to hearing the small ding from the bell of the Starbucks entrance that she hardly ever looks up at who’s waltzing in.

When she heard you and your best friend’s laughter, she almost dropped to the floor to hide behind the service counter. She was not fucking prepared to see you. Nausea and butterflies stirred in her gut at the sound of your giggles.

H-Have a good day, she cringed when her voice cracked, scribbling the customer's names on their cup before passing it down to the mixing station.

The minutes that passed felt like years, endless seconds of anticipation of seeing you face to face for the first time in months. Her eyes scattered to the end of the lines where the two of you stood every two seconds, observing how you inched up the line.

Until the two of you stood in front of her, Niah’s intense glare searing through her skin and shaking her bones. She shakily asked for both your orders, but you took over, answering for you and your roommate with your classic smile. You’re too sweet for your own good; She couldn’t imagine being this cordial in public with someone who did what she did. Said what she said.

You looked fucking adorable: hair twisted, dangly earrings, glossy lips. Her hands wouldn’t stop as she scribbled your name on your cup and cake pop baggie.

Niah was fucking grilling her, and rightfully so. Ellie’s shocked she didn’t reach over and strangle her with her bare hands. Her presence was a threat on its own, Jesus Christ.

You swiped your student ID and yanked a stiff Niah by the arm over to the pick-up line, the wind sitting in Ellie’s lungs finally releasing.

She peered over at the two of you as she collected the rest of the orders from caffeine-withdrawal students, anxiety pitting in her gut when she watched you snag your cup and bag, reading the messy scribbles she left at the bottom.

hi. can we talk when you’re ready?

You had enough courtesy to hide the baggie from an already pissed Niah, and she was grateful. It gave her an inkling of hope before you frowned, your eyes surprised, then confused. Then angry.

Ellie almost cried at the scoff that left your mouth when you shot her a pissed glare, before you snatched your dessert from its encasing, crumpled the paper and threw it into the trash by the exit. She watched the two of you leave with a heavy heart, embarrassment overtaking her when you refused to look back.

Ellie couldn’t shake the feeling that you experienced this same disappointment whenever she shut you down previously, and it made her feel even worse.

Ellie started seeing you everywhere you went after that: in the quad, on the way to class, even in the fucking library (a place she never went!), but you never seemed to notice her. She hadn’t been in the study center since she was a fucking sophomore, and she instantly remembered why when she caught a glimpse of you in your own world, headphones on as you scribbled down your notes.

Remorse flooded her gut when she remembered the time, she dismissed your proposal of listening to a playlist you made for her a couple days after you fucked a couple times. She didn’t even know what artists you liked.

Even after all this time, she refused to forget all the times she upset you, intentionally or not.

The twisted part of her brain was already prepared to march over and speak with you, but she had enough sense to overpower her selfish desires.

She managed to get past you without hassle, rushing onto the elevator to find her usual spot in the second-floor corner. It was her safe place whenever she came in here; She’ll never forget when she and Dina tripped balls atop the beanbags pressed up against the window.

Going to the library was pointless; The thought of you and your sprinkled cupcakes dominated her mind for the rest of her study session.

It was the best part of the entire year.

The month of October has its own presence: it’s grand and dark, gloomy, fun. Evil. You would never wear bright orange on a normal day, but during October, you might as well be a pumpkin!

All your friends were already in the Halloween spirit, baking and decorating some of the strongest edibles you’ve ever smelt in your damn life. You were shocked that none of Jesse’s neighbors called to complain about the loud scent.

“You wanna hit?”

You peered up at Abby’s invitation puff from her blunt with a polite smile and a shake of your head, “You know I have to drive that one home,” You pointed out an already wobbling Niah in the kitchen.

Abby chuckled around her next puff, “They’re gonna go fucking crazy with those.”

“I’m scared,” You huffed, “Niah literally turns into a fucking potato when she’s high. I can never get her to move anywhere.”

Abby giggled at your eye roll while she ashed.

Running into Abby after what happened last year was much different than you expected.

After you two went your separate ways at the party, you assumed she would never want to see you again, blow off any invitations you had to hang out, go back to fucking Ellie like nothing happened, but she did nothing of the sort.

She always waved you over when she saw you sitting by yourself, greeted you with the brightest smiles and warmest hugs, texted you first. She was everything you could’ve wanted from someone. From a partner.

So why didn’t you feel that spark whenever she looked at you with those pretty, blue eyes?

You could always be honest with Abby, so bringing up your predicament was easy. She took it with a grain of salt and told you not to worry because she’s still a whore. It’s college! Her energy always calmed you.

Niah’s weight plopping down next to you broke your trance. She slumped onto your shoulder with a weak giggle of it’s October 3rd.

You stared down at her blankly, “It’s the tenth, bonehead— “

“Shhh, shh, i-it’s October 3rd,” she sloppily pressed her index finger to your mouth.

Abby’s laughter rang from next to you like bells in winter.

Ellie was… sad. And felt like a fucking loser.

She’d been lazily lying on her couch with her dab in hand, scrolling through Instagram and watching 5-minute crafts when she received a notification from Dina.

She felt a subtle crack in her chest when she saw her best friend caption the post the ‘best time of the year 👻’. She was dawned in her usual witch's hat while Jesse had a pumpkin carving imprinted on his shirt, both decorating what she assumed to be laced sugar cookies.

Her heart shattered when she scrolled through the slides and saw pictures of a slumped Niah, Abby with her tongue out and middle finger up, and you, eyes gentle and smile doll-like with two peace signs by your face. You looked so cozy under the yellow glow of the decorative lamp. So comfortable in the place she used to call home.

… She’s never not received an invite to decorate edibles. Why was a lump growing in her throat? Her high was fucked.

Another notification from Jesse’s Snap highlighted across the top of her screen. Her thumb tapped it without hesitation, and some tears fell from her eyes to her cheeks.

It was a clip of you, Dina, and Jesse squeezing out icing from a tube onto a loudly snoring Niah’s face, snickering softly when the traces of sugar didn’t go where you wanted.

Stick it up her nose!

Ellie’s body tensed when she recognized Abby’s low whisper in the background. That was definitely the final nail in her coffin.

The Snap ended with Niah’s eyes peeling open like a zombie and your heavenly laughter.

Ellie dropped her phone and sat up, resting her head atop the back of the couch, palms digging into her teary eyes. She tried to convince herself that she was angry, pissed the fuck off, ready to fight everybody, even her closest friends. But she wasn’t at all.

She was lonely and sad, and no one was there to comfort her.

Class dragged on the entire week leading up to Halloweekend.

Your shoulders were heavy and slumped from exhaustion. What kind of professor assigns projects the week before Halloween? They’re pretending as if they’ve never been students before; They know you’re all getting faded soon!

You and Niah were grinding in the library the entire week, perfecting your papers and presentations for the following week. You didn’t want anything to ruin this weekend. Distractions, be gone!

You’ve dedicated a couple hours each day to prepping your costumes for Friday and Saturday. The excitement to adorn your fairy getup was nearly bursting through your eyes. You decorated your wings with sequins and glitter, made your own flower crown, and designed your own spirit guide by snipping and re-stuffing a Squishmallow.

You were a little too antsy to start the weekend; Niah almost called Dina to help tape you down to a chair.

You bolted down the crosswalk after your scheduled library visit, a bright grin on your face at the thought of showcasing your designs for your costume. Dina and Jesse are your best critics.

You turned the corner and hit a hard chest, almost falling to the floor before a pair of strong arms wrapped around your waist.

“Lookin’ for rings?”

Your smile widened at the all too familiar voice, “What does that mean?”

Abby separated from you with a gentle smile, pointing at your sky-blue sweatshirt, “Blue sweater… running… Sonic— “

“Oh fuck!” You paused before a lightbulb appeared atop your head. “Oh fuck! Sonic would’ve been such a cute costume— “

“Still stressing Niah out?” Her brow arched.

“Of course! Dina and Jes are about t’get the same treatment!” You rushed past Abby, throwing her a wild wave, “I'll see you on Friday bitch!”

Her airy laugh aired behind you before you eased past departing students and into the apartment lobby.

It’s almost impressive how much your mood can deplete due to one person.

You instantly recognized Ellie’s back muscles over her muscle-tee, her tattoo sleeve completely exposed as she murmured to the receptionist. The bun at the back of her head was coming loose with each nod of approval she gave.

Anger and embarrassment and sadness battled for power in your gut as you glared through her skin and down to her bones. And she must’ve felt it.

She spun at the sound of the door shutting, and her eyes immediately glossed over when they locked with yours. She looked like a deer caught in headlights before she whispered hey.

You ignored and looked behind her and greeted the familiar receptionist, “Hey, is Jesse home?”

“Yeah, babe! You just missed him— “

“W-Wait— “

“Cool, thanks,” You didn’t hesitate to book it for the second entrance, Ellie’s urgent calls of your name ringing behind you. You heard her following you down the hall like a horse.

She called your name out louder, “Fuck, wait, wait— “

You frantically pressed the up button on the elevator but it was for naught.

You felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, “Hey— “

“Ellie, don’t fuckin’ touch me, I’m serious,” you spat.

Her touch dropped, her hands raising in the air, “Okay, okay, I’m sorr— “

“You’re sorry? Really?” You scoffed. “Fuck off, bro.”

… Where the fuck was this elevator?! You were this close to holding the button down until the doors opened.

Ellie sighed, “No, I’ve… I've been meaning to talk to you. Can I— “

“I don’t give a fuck about anything you’re saying, genuinely,” You harshly turned to glare into her eyes. Her gorgeous, green eyes that, for the first time, seemed so soft for you. Desperate, and not lustful.

She didn’t seem to care about your protests, “I know I fucked up and I was… awful— “

The dings sounding from the elevator sounded like alarms.

“Ellie, please, I’m begging you, just leave me the fuck alone,” Rageful tears flooded in your eyes. “Get the fuck away from me! Just g-go away!”

Ellie’s small glimmer of hope died in her orbs, her body flinching at your tone as she peered to the floor with red cheeks.

The doors peeled open after what seemed like a lifetime and you threw yourself between them, slamming the fourth-floor button like your life depended on it. You refused to look at Ellie as the doors shut, your heart pounding in your chest as you heaved, your hands resting on your knees.

You vowed that absolutely nothing could ruin your weekend, but why was Ellie’s flushed cheeks and sniffly nose almost enough to make you fold?

Almost.

okkkaaaaayyyyy im switching shit up fr so excited to write the next part stay with me yall lemme cook lemme coooook

taggie waggies love yall down :3 @dyk3ang3l @iced-metal @sawaagyapong @kittnii @mariefilms @villainousbear @pick-me-up-im-scared @dragonasflowercrown @elsmissingfingers @bugaboodarling @freakumfilm @robinismywifee @ohitsjordynn @womenofarcane @inf3ct3dd @nil-eena @kaispaws @letsreadsomesins-shallwe @yuckyfucky @machetegirl109 @ximtiredx @mattm1964 @liabadoobee @tfuuka @aouiaa @lastofvenus @iove-bbb

teaser, one, two, three, four

#fratadjacent!ellie #ellie williams smut #ellie williams au #ellie williams angst #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams #ellie the last of us #the last of us #ellie tlou #the last of us 2 #black!oc #ellie williams x black!oc #works 𖧧࣪#lesbian #Spotify

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drdemonprince · 16 days

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Autistic friend anon here — thank you so much for your answer and the substack post. I was kind of stuck in the “rejection” feeling of “wait but if being autistic isn’t a bad thing then why are you so upset at the idea that YOU might be autistic”. I took it really personally and wasn’t really thinking about how much it sucks when someone acts like they know you better than you do. I’ll have to keep working through that.

I also often get stuck in the idea that “well if someone had just TOLD ME I was queer/trans/autistic then I could have figured it out sooner and life would be better” or whatever. But after many years of being out as queer/trans, I think that isn’t actually true and even if it is, I don’t interact with other possibly queer/trans people by “diagnosing” them with queerness/transness any more. In my head it seemed like autism was different for some reason, but of course it is not.

Anyway, your answer was really thoughtful and diplomatic, while also being very clear about what is bad behavior on my part. It is genuinely going to be a big benefit in my life.

Hey, nice to hear from you again!

I totally feel you. When I told a friend years ago that I thought she might be a BPDer, I was incensed that she ended up not taking that comment well. I meant it in an affirming, pro-Mad-Pride kinda way! I was a BPDer too! if she thought it was bad to be BPD, what did that mean she thought about me?

But I was looking at it the wrong way. I had just hurled a still very stigmatized label in her direction as a response to her complaining about real relational struggles in her life, which felt diminishing and presumptive. Telling various people in my life that I'm pretty sure they're Autistic can have a similar effect, even if they're on board Autism acceptance as an idea.

I used to fixate on the time I lost not realizing I was trans or queer or whatever the fuck I am yet. I had a vision of an older me materializing before me at age 16, specifically on the corn-lined roads I used to bike up and down furiously, and imagined telling myself the Truth of who I was and what I had to do to be happy. I believed that if i had known I was trans younger I would have avoided a lot of upsetting relationships, eating disordered periods, and general angst.

Now. I am pretty damn sure that is not true. It turns out that being trans was not a solution to all my problems, it was just another problem that I had. In the sense that it's a challenge to navigate on this bitch of an earth. if i hadn't chosen to be trans i would have chosen some other shit to do that also would have been a major pain in the ass i'm sure. that too would have been an interesting back story.

I dont think I was ever going to be outgoing and unneurotic and breezily well adjusted. That's not my lot in life. Feeling a little uncomfortable in my body and around other people is as definitional a part of me as my wit or my weird laugh. I can kinda love that about myself now, or at least accept it. nothing and nobody actually could have saved me. its just not that simple. but it's been a pretty interesting life.

i think we tend to impose our self-narratives onto other people when we are not happy or we are harboring deep regrets about having gotten something wrong or missed something in the past. but we cant spare our friends those journeys. they should get to have them. it's interesting and enriching to get things wrong, be in denial, cope in elaborate stupid ways, soul search, change our minds, miss something, find something, never know what's true.

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akenya · 1 year

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Rizzoli and Isles is actually a show about a Queerplatonic Relationship.

Okay hear me out.

So, I always have shipped Rizzles. There are many MANY ways in which these are queer coded characters with a heavy romantic subtext, that a lot of the time honestly bleeds into the maintext. A lot of the actions and dialogue that we would typically interpret as romantic, especially between a hetero pairing, certainly works for this show.

But I did a re-watch of the show recently, and while I still ship them romantically, I actually think what is being portrayed between them is something else. They are DEFINITELY more than friends; I mean they are life partners in every sense of the word. But the kind of dynamic that is CANONICALLY portrayed between Maura and Jane, is in fact, a Queerplatonic Relationship.

So here’s a working definition of the term for those who aren’t familiar with it:

Queerplatonic relationships and queerplatonic partnerships are committed intimate relationships which are not romantic in nature. They may differ from usual close friendships by having more explicit commitment, validation, status, structure, and norms, similar to a conventional romantic relationship

I have actually experienced something like this, (and yes I’m going to get a bit anecdotally personal here; I’ll try not to be too long winded, but it’s relevant, I promise lol):

I had an (unspoken) kind of relationship like this with my best friend in my early/mid 20s. We have been best friends since I was 11, but something definitely shifted when we became adults, and I have to say, I ended up, quite unexpectedly, being deeply in love with my best friend...platonically. I didn’t want to date her. I didn’t want to sleep with her. But, I was totally devoted to her and we were each other’s person for years. We were each other’s assumed plus one for everything, we regularly did dinner dates, we gave each other super sentimental cards and specialized gifts on birthdays, we also regularly did domestic shit together like grocery shopping, errands, chores, house projects; you name it, we had it/did it. I mean we were even each other’s phone background for a while lmao. We never lived together, but we had keys to each other’s places.

Now a lot of this shit can happen and does happen in standard friendships (maybe not the phone background thing; that was super gay ngl hahaha), but the thing that made this different was the level of assumed partnership going on between us. And the...energy. We would stare deeply into each other’s eyes. We had that magnetic kind of magic with each other, like no matter where the other is in the room, we find our way back to each other. And people literally perceived us as a couple. Hell, my other friends teased us about it.

Any of this sound familiar?

Oh and I DO find her to be attractive and even sexy. And we flirted (still do lolol) a LOT.

But I didn’t ever really.....actually want to have sex with her. Not that I would’ve even necessarily been opposed to it, because we were so close, but it just, wasn’t ever a desire for me.

This was interesting to experience, because I do identify as a lesbian, I have been romantically attracted to people, sexually attracted to people, and the two, as society expects, do usually go hand in hand for me. But with her, I honestly could’ve seen forever; like being exactly as we were, as life partners, I could’ve even seen myself raising kids with her, and I would have been TOTALLY, GENUINELY content with it, ‘cause my relationship with her filled me up in a way nothing else has. This was confusing as all hell to me for a long time, because I didn’t have a name for this until recently when I learned about the concept of Queerplatonic Relationships which again supersede friendship and often are life partnerships, but aren’t inherently romantic or sexual, even though they are quite deep. I actually think QPRs speak to that “limitless” “otherwise undefinable” kind of relationship dynamic.

Sooo - and I promise I’m wrapping my story up - when my bff met her current boyfriend, which is her first super serious adult relationship, I didn’t quite experience jealousy, I mean I always envisioned a romantic partnership for her, and I still want that for me! Buuuut...my feelings were complicated because it’s like...I had to mourn what I lost, as our dynamic inherently changed, and the fact that I wasn’t her person anymore. Weird thing to process indeed. Also *ahem* SOUND FAMILIAR?

Without getting too carried away here (oh who am I kidding, I already have 😂) for comparison’s sake, I actually went through a crazy ass heartbreak with someone, also while I was in my mid 20s; someone to whom I WAS romantically, sexually, spiritually, connected and attracted. I mean I was IN LOVE with this woman and she broke my heart by not fully reciprocating my feelings and not wanting to be with me. I thought I was gonna die when we stopped talking. Hell, it’s been years and I still think about her.

But if you were to ask me who the true love. of. my. life. has been so far...I’d pick my best friend!

The funny thing is I think a LOT of women end up in these kinds of dynamics, ESPECIALLY queer women, maybe even more so queer women who form super close relationships to “straight” women (gotta put str8 in quotes ‘cause...this shit is inherently queer even though it’s not romantic/sexual). You all know what I’m talking about; You’d do anything for each other, there’s chemistry, connection, and care, yet it doesn’t quite fit into any box you try to give it. People read you as a couple. You know this about yourselves, and you just...accept it. Because what you have is actually beyond any label. You know?

Anyway, I think there’s actually something cool and radical about this and I know that queer people want and deserve romantic and sexual representation, but I think this IS an accurate kind of representation that happens all the time that isn’t appropriately covered or discussed in media.

In hindsight, I think that’s what really hooked me on R&I. I mean, I started watching ‘cause I thought they were lesbians, and I kept watching ‘cause I thought it would be canon! And yeah, I still think about what could’ve been with them: fanfiction is good for that. But why do I still watch the actual show? Well...I LIVED it.

Now: do I think that Maura and Jane often tip the scales a lil’ TOOOOO far in the explicitly gay direction on this show? Oh hell yes! Do I think you can interpret them as two people who are madly in love, romantically, with each other, yet are too scared to do anything about it? Oh hell yes! Like I said I do ship Rizzles. BUT, if I’m honest about what is FULLY, CANONICALLY being portrayed, no subtext, ALL maintext: It’s 10000% a QPR.

So no: Maura Isles and Jane Rizzoli are certainly not JUST friends. They aren’t just colleagues, although their work relationship is just as powerful and awe inspiring as their personal one. They aren’t really like sisters, although they can quarrel like siblings at times. They aren’t truly romantic, although they are essentially life partners. They aren’t in a sexual relationship with each other; not that it couldn’t go there, but I also see how it wouldn’t need to go there, and how that doesn’t diminish the bond at all. They have something that I recognize -and something I think perhaps many of us recognize too- something beyond definition, because at the core of it they are true-blue soulmates who share a kind of unconditional love that is rarely found in ANY kind of relationship. If there is a definition that comes close to summing this kind of thing up: Queerplatonic Relationship is the answer!

Idk just felt like sharing this. Thanks for reading 🤓

#rizzoli and isles #rizzles #maura isles #jane rizzoli #maura x jane #queer platonic partners #queer platonic relationship

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what-are-you-willing-to-do · 1 year

Text

Take It All

Patrick Bateman x Male Reader

Cw: Smut, Social Hierarchy, Sexism, Dom reader, asphyxiation, homophobia, closeted, blowjobs, public sex, degradation, threats and dub-con

In this world you either kill or get killed. There’s the strong and the weak. Patrick thought you were one of the weak but he was incredibly mistaken.

“Mr. Bateman the printer isn’t working.” He hears your familiar voice as he perks up. He lets out a sigh as you look at him setting your papers down. “What other things can I do Mr. Bateman?” You ask as you fix your tie still keeping your eyes on him.

He thinks taking a sip of his coffee. He sets it down as he clangs them empty coffee cup on the table. He slides it over to you as you barely catch it. “Coffee and make it snappy.” You nod as you roll you’re eyes at his snappy attitude.

You obey going to get his coffee and setting it down. You set it on his desk as you begin to walk away. “Really L/n? Doing a woman’s job huh?” One of his lackies mock you. You stop in your tracks. “Are you a queer or something?” You look behind you stopping at Batman’s face.

He had that emotionless smile that most psychos had. You walk out of his office angrily. “Ha, trust me If I could’ve gotten a bitch I would’ve, but of course I got stuck with a gay.” You slam his glass door shut cracking it as you walk away.

Everyone looks at your hunched form. Anger they could all feel it. ‘Don’t mess with him right now.’ Everyone didn’t bother you or anything letting you get over your familiar anger.

You were going out with friends tonight. Beers and chatter, simple but fun. You all were crying of laughter as you hear familiar steel toed boots tap on the ground. You look over to see Bateman and his assholes waving smugly.

You shove your face in your hands as you groan. “You need to quit Y/n. This always happens, they treat you like shit.” One of your friends state, You nod in agreement as you sigh. “Eventually.” You all tried to ignore them attempting to have as much fun as you could.

You all got your good chatting and everything. One of your friends began laughing so hard they spit their drink out on you. Everyone else was in hysterics at the cartoonish scene. You groan with a laugh as you stand up. “Excuse me my children, I’ll be back in a sec.”

You walk into the bathroom taking your dress shirt off. You look at the door as it open. Bateman, it looked like he wanted to say something but couldn’t even get his words out as he looked at you. “I’m off the job.” You continue washing your shirt off.

As he walks over fixing his own tie. “You know y/n-“ you look at him as you yank his tie pulling him up towards you. “Just shut up for five seconds, can’t even get a break from you outside of work. Fucking stalker.” You roll your eyes as he looks at you stunned.

He lets out a quiet noise that you would’ve missed if you weren’t so observant of him. You look him up and down as your eyes stop at a tent in his pants. Your face starts to break out into a smile as you laugh. “Pitching a tent for the queer huh? Disgusting.” He winced slightly at the harsh words as you throw him to the dirty ground.

“If you want me that bad than who am I to deny.” You yank him crotc-level to you as you smile at his disheveled form. You take your dick out as it slaps him in the face. It was so thick and long fuck. He never had a dick in his face or even been on his knees for anyone. You grabbed it hitting his lips. “Any teeth and I’ll make sure everyone knows about your little boner for me.” He obeys angrily as he gives an experimental lick.

He continues softly licking as a bead of pre cum come out. He brings his slender fingers to your cock ad he rubs his thumb on the tip spreading the pre. Felt good for him probably the same for you. The foreplay felt good but you wanted more. You grabbed his hair as he let out a shocked moan shoving your dick into his mouth.

You hold him there as he tries to push off. “God fucking degrading me at work? If only I knew you were such a whore sooner Bateman. Than we could’ve don’t this years ago. Dirty slut.” He tries hitting the back of your thighs but that only adds to the pleasure.

You start moving his head up and down your shaft abusing his mouth. He’s loudly choking obviously not used to this foreign object in his mouth. You laugh as you bring your hand up pinching his nose. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe!!! He starts to tear up as the gaging becomes more vigorous.

You laugh as he starts to turn a darker shade of red. From the asphyxiation or situation? You didn’t know but you loved it. His eyes begin to go heavy as his lungs burn. You start to get close as you grab his head shoving him as far as he can go.

His eyes roll back as he takes your load deep into his throat. You let go of his nose as you continued thrusting slowly into his mouth milking your orgasm. With a few more thrusts you slowly pull out. A trail of saliva going from his tongue to your dick.

“Treat me like that ever again and I’ll make fucking sure next time you’ll pass out understand?” He breathes heavily. You yank his hair as the tears begin to flow out. “Do you understand!!” You shout angrily “yes yes sorry sorry please sir!” you laugh as you slam him to the floor his head hitting the ground.

“Dirty, dirty whore.” He sucks in the air as his lungs continue to ache. He tries picking himself up but failing as he accepts the fact he’ll be there for a little. This was so humiliating, laying on a dirty bathroom floor with cum still dripping out his mouth. He couldn’t think except for the fact that he wanted your dick in him and he couldn’t wait for next time.

@allen-444 @whateverthefuckyouwantiguess don’t know how y’all feel about American psycho but Patrick’s hot so- 🤷🏽‍♂️

#patrick bateman #american psycho #dom reader #dom male reader #sub Patrick Bateman #american psycho x reader #patrick bateman x reader #patrick bateman smut

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starrylayle · 2 years

Text

Soman’s failed POC and Queer rep in the SGE saga — And why criticism is essential to the movie (franchise)

[repost]

Before I start though, I’d like to say that if you have any argument about forced representation, dni. I don’t give a shit that ur faves aren’t white anymore — and please stop fucking harassing Soman and the cast about this non-issue.

Now onto the racial criticism of Soman’s work, which I don’t see talked enough about.

Being a person of colour does not mean you are exempt from racial criticism. I’m sure this is known by now, but in the books, literally everyone is white. Like EVERYONE. And not only that, the beauty standards he portrays and tries to critique (but then fails miserably at unfortunately) are so Eurocentric it’s quite disheartening actually - pale skin, small noses, coloured eyes, etc. The themes are also quite Eurocentric as well — if you had told me that the books were written by a white author, I would believe you.

Now, I’ve always given him the benefit of the doubt here, considering he was writing a middle grade series as a marginalised author, which was a lot more difficult at the time, and because he does genuinely try to improve his POC rep in the later books (even if that does include retconning character’s previous descriptions lol). In that same vein, the cast is also noticeably more diverse, and I truly applaud Soman for that. However, he has not said anything in regards to the racism the cast have been getting, which considering his influence on the fandom, would have been much appreciated. (The only casting choice he actually spent some time defending was brunette Tedros 💀💀 — like mate, get your priorities together!). Also, since whiteness is quite intrinsic to the core themes of the story (I’ll make a separate post on that later), I worry that the movie will unintentionally be pushing it. And if that’s the case, people should be allowed to critique this (hypothetical) poor depiction of race, without it being considered racist. (As previously mentioned — this excludes those fucking weirdos who just hate on the cast coz their faves aren’t white anymore 🙄🙄)

Ok so, in regards to the queer-coding/queer-baiting:

Just like being a POC doesn’t mean u can’t have internalised racism, being queer doesn’t mean u can’t have internalised homophobia, especially to other members of the community. I don’t know why exactly Soman struggles with writing queer rep so much (I mean I can understand in 2013 — but now plenty of middle grade books include queer characters), but he barely has any canon gay rep.

Tristan/Yara, who is not even specified whether they are gay or trans, is one of the first characters to die, with absolutely no resolution to their arc whatsoever - and their queerness is never mentioned again. The next confirmed queer couple are two backgrounder guys who barely have any significance to the story. The couple after that are two evil white boys, who are only confirmed to be queer after they both die. They are are the only relevant gay characters at this point — yet ofc they’re dead, white and evil. This wouldn’t be a problem if there were other (good) queer characters, but since that is not the case, it just comes off as rather… icky.

Now notice how all these couples, as poorly written as they are, are all (white) gay men? There are hints that Hester and anadil might be in a relationship, but it’s never explicitly confirmed.

In addition, sophie and Agatha are explicitly queer coded — (I made a post about it on my acc for anyone’s interested) — they even kiss!! Of course people are going to be mad that they were baited into a relationship that ended up being incesteous! Especially, ESP, considering that Agatha is now a Black girl in this adaptation. We barely see any white canon wlw couples in media — Black sapphics are almost unheard of in the mainstream, especially as leads. first kill, one show that featured a Lesbian Black girl lead (a Dark-skinned one at that!)— got cancelled. And this happens all the time. Lesbians/sapphics, esp sapphics of colour, ESP Balck sapphics are barely given any time of day in our media in favour of centring gay white men in queer narratives, and thus they have every right to be upset at the queer baiting.

I’m not Black, but as a queer woman of colour, Agatha’s character has always been very special to me. I’ve always thought she should be a POC considering how different her and her mum are from the rest of her cookie-cutter village, and queer because she did not fit into conventional notions of femininity. It would be so awesome to see Agatha, a queer woman of colour, as the lead in a high-budget fantasy series. But alas, that is too many marginalised identities for the general audience.

Not only that, the twin reveal was just plain bad writing. It had absolutely no bearing at the story whatsoever and is never mentioned again. It was just done purely for shock value, and for that, I will absolutely critique Soman.

I know that this discourse is tired and worn out — and understandably so, it’s been years. However, now that this movie is approaching mainstream — At worst, this queer baiting can already add to the whole ‘lesbian relationships aren’t serious’ and other terrible stereotypes. At best, it deprives sapphics of much needed representation in mainstream fantasy films.

Remember, unlike with the books, we as fans have the power to influence the story. If the creators see how unpopular the twist is with the public, they can probably change it. We can make a difference! Btw, this doesn’t mean sophie and Agatha should be endgame — I’d like for them to be in a short term relationship and be confirmed as canonically queer — Tagatha can still be the end couple! (Not hophie tho, coz sophie is a lesbian and I despise Hort lol).

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rozcdust · 1 year

Text

I don’t speak to whores

Pairing: Bonten x AroAce!GN!Reader, QPP Kazutora Hanemiya x AroAce!GN!Reader

Genre: Crack, fluff

Word count: 1.1k

Warnings: Canon divergent, profanity, ooc, whore behaviour, qpp relatinship, NO ROMANCE, just reader bullying Bonten, threats of murder

masterlist

The note Kazutora found when he woke up read ‘Left to grab breakfast, be back in 30. - Love, the bitch you got snot on’, got a low chuckle out of him as he stretched, the sound of his bones popping filling the room.

Kakucho was awake too, opening bloodshot eyes to blink away the sleep, but closing them again the block out the invasive sunlight pouring out the window, still curled up under the blanket you put on him, his breathing slow and steady, the plush cat still tightly held in his arms.

“Mornin’.” Kazutora yawned, rolling his neck to get out any kinks that formed during the night, “Feel better?”

Kakucho nodded, peeking one eye open to glare at the sunlight.

“Well, I’m glad. We got another few minutes to laze around, y/n went out to get breakfast. You hungover? Need painkillers or water?”

“I’m good.” Kakucho rasped, upon which Kazutora merely nodded, plopping back into bed with a long, content sigh.

“Hey, man, I’m sorry for intruding in your home and clinging all over your fiance like that yesterday-“ Kakucho started, but Kazutora’s scandalised look and a short laugh cut him off.

“What? Fiance? Dude, you sure you’re not still drunk?”

Kakucho furrowed his brow.

“Partner, then?”

Kazutora made a so-so motion with his hand.

“Yeah, you’re closer to the truth now.”

“They kissed you. No way they’re just a roommate.”

“They’re not. They are my partner.” Kazutora shrugged, placing his hands under his head, “It’s kinda difficult to explain… Are you familiar with the terms aromantic and asexual?”

Kakucho vaguely remembered Izana explaining it to him once.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Okay, excellent.” Turning on his side to look at Kakucho, Kazutora started explaining.

“So, when you’re aroace, there is think thing called ‘Queer platonic partner’ right? It’s like being in a romantic relationship, you’re committed to each other and go on dates and sometimes live together, like y/n and I do, except there is no romantic or sexual attraction.”

Kakucho furrowed his brows further, confusion written all over his face.

“Isn’t that just being in a relationship?”

“Not quite. In a regular relationship, there is an expectation to have some,” Kazutora put his hands up to do finger quotes, “Special feelings. And when you’re aromantic, you can’t really do that. In QPP, there is an understanding it’s all just platonic love.”

“Like a friendship?”

Kazutora shook his head, but still kept his tone and demeanour calm.

Kakucho could only imagine that if you were the one explaining this, you’d already throttle him.

“Let’s put it this way. You can’t expect your friend to drop everything and always be there for you and centre their life around you, they have other shit to do. A partner? They can do that because you’re their priority. Capiche?”

Kakucho nodded just in time for the front door to open.

“I think I do.”

Kazutora clapped his hands, jumping to his feet.

“Excellent! I’ll dig out some of my clothes for you to change into, they’re oversized so should fit you as well. Hurry though, my lovely partner just brought us food, and if we don’t show up in 12 seconds flat, they will smother us both.”

“I bought eggs and natto, the rice in the rice cooker is already done, I prepared vegetables and fish already. Kazutora, do you mind setting the table?” Not taking the time to turn around, you stood over the stove, carefully flipping the omelette.

“Yessir,” Jokingly, Kazutora got to work, stretching over you to grab plates and utensils out of the cupboard above the stove, “May I?”

Nodding, you smile softly at the feeling of Kazutora’s lips, kissing the back of your neck.

Kakucho awkwardly shifted his feet.

“Can I help in any way?” Clearing his throat, he pointed to the dishes in Kazutora’s hands, but the older man merely shook his head.

“Hey dude, you’re a guest. Just sit down and make yourself at home.” Flashing a warm smile, Kazutora pulled out a chair with his foot, gesturing to it before setting down the plates.

Kakucho held back to urge to make himself smaller in the chair, feeling awfully a lot like an intruder in the domesticity of this Friday morning.

You looked more comfortable than you ever did at work, your usually crisp clothes replaced by an oversized men’s shirt, clearly belonging to Kazutora, the scent of his cologne and menthol cigarettes lingering on the fabric, the tension of your jaw and scowl you usually sported gone to be replaced by a serene, neutral expression.

This was your safe place, and Kakucho was intruding on it, after all, in your eyes, he was part of the reason you were stressed at work at all.

The game Bonten invented was tiring anyway.

“Do you want coffee or tea?” Kazutora asked, now seated on the floor, rummaging through a cupboard to find sugar.

“Coffee is fine, thank you.”

“I’m kind of a coffee freak, so we have instant, pour-over, Turkish, espresso, I can make you a cappuccino?”

Before Kakucho could respond, you spoke for him, nudging Kazutora with your foot to scotch over so you could wash your hands in the sink.

“He likes his coffee sickly sweet, make him a latte, two shots of espresso, three sugars. I bought chocolate and caramel syrup, add a spoonful of both.”

You didn’t miss the surprised look Kakucho gave you.

“Who do you think makes the coffee for meetings?” Rolling your eyes, you dried your hands off on a kitchen towel, transferring the omelette to a plate.

“You two are sure you’re fine with me here? I can leave-“

“Man, come on. Y/n made all this food, and they will kill someone if it goes uneaten.”

“You’re lucky you’re even here. Tora talked me out of dumping you on the side of the road.”

Kazutora scoffed, lightly smacking your knee.

“It would be awfully rude!”

Kakucho couldn’t help himself but to laugh.

“You invite murderers to sit at your table often?”

Kazutora let out a throaty laugh, pressing a button to make the espresso as he poured milk into a cup, steaming it.

“I’ve done two rounds in prison for manslaughter and attempted first degree murder. Trust me, we don’t give a shit.”

Kakucho wordlessly nodded, barely even noticing you approaching before a knife was firmly placed against his throat.

“Tell any of the other fuckers my address or my relationship status, and you won’t live to see another day.”

“Y/N! THREATENING MURDER AT THE DINING TABLE IS RUDE!”

. . . next

🔖Taglist (open):

@dilf-city @wakasa-wifey @rinsie @kisekihany @bajifairyy @cryszus @r-xochitl @levistiddies @graythecoffeebean @mukounisuru-gashadokuro @sunahyejin @yamaguccitadashi @minoozi @trashmemebitch @frogtits1 @sup-zfam @whydohumansss @xashiui @bontens-whore @nqctre @lumi-does-some-stuff @hana-patata @hxked @erza-uzumaki @sh4nn @sisnot @nahoyas-nymph @one-green-frog @justrandomlypassing @kio-kookie @haikyuu-simps-assemble @ayhashi @tiredlattes @crown5 @medusalovessnakes @bblyerim @ohnoyouareasimp @sakinotfound @syddisheep @barcelona-sergei @solliver05 @vanillaashakee @gumiwaka @withlovetengen @naorizenin @bontensbabygirl @anahryal @luvjiro (second tag list in the comments!)

a/n: yes, this chapter was fully an excuse to make y/n and kazutora be cute and shit, also to explain their relationship a bit more

#tokyorev #tokyo revengers #bonten x reader #kazutora x you #bonten #rindou haitani #ran haitani #sanzu haruchiyo #kakucho hitto #kokonoi hajime #mikey sano #hanemiya kazutora

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odetodilfs · 1 year

Note

I was wondering if you could do a fan fic where joel and tommy are traveling but it takes place 20 years before they meet Ellie and they meet someone along the way. they don’t trust him at first but joel starts catching feelings. you could make it smut or fluff it doesn’t really matter based on your previous pieces of work you seem to be a good writer

Please and thank you

Let myself loose

I loved this request so much!! It was super cute to write and overall just amazing, far better than my usual smut. Lots of fluff too!!

Pairing: bottom Joel Miller x top m!reader Warnings: Breeding, mentions of crying, implied homophobia, soft Joel deserves his own warning.

Joel had always lived with his attraction to men, he knew it, he acknowledged it, he just never told anyone, Texas wasn’t a good place to be queer, so he just pushed down his attraction to men and tried to focus on raising his daughter Sarah instead. It worked out alright for him, he was happy with her. That all changed one day though. After Sarah’s death which he mourned greatly, he and Tommy traveled across the US. Their travels made them closer as brothers and it helped Joel not be as stuck on Sarah’s death. They traveled the country and eventually got used to living in a world where rations were the norm and where vines growing on buildings was nothing out of the ordinary.

You on the other hand had no family and lived in New York, when the pandemic hit, you embraced your identity as a queer man and eventually when New York became deserted, you realized surviving winter there was not going to be easy, so you went further south towards milder climates. You had walked for days and you were exhausted, a clicker had messed up your car engine while you slept so you couldn’t use your car, there, you met Joel and Tommy, “Hey- guys-” you said tiredly, Joel instantly held up a weapon, “Hey, hey, calm down” Tommy said, grabbing the knife in his hand, “Let him talk” “Well, I’ve walked for days, and I’m super hungry…” you said, “and I’m alone” you said, trying to convince them to take them with you, “Do we trust him?” Joel asked, still worried that you might mean harm,” “He’s limping, Joel” Tommy replied almost sassily, “let’s help him” he said, helping you walk.

Joel had eyed you more now and something in him started to tell him, “Help that man walk, don’t let your brother do it” the voices in his head got louder as Tommy got closer to you, “No worries, Tommy, I’ll do this” he said, grabbing your arms and holding you up, “This good?” he asked, he couldn’t help but smile a tiny bit, “Yes, thank you, you have no idea..” you thanked them.

One thing you noticed about these two men was how incredibly good looking they were, but the Joel guy… he was incredible, that mustache, the brown eyes and the way he probably just wanted someone to hold him, he also smelt good, which was another plus for him, you learned the two men were brothers and also learnt Joel had recently suffered from his daughter Sarah’s death.

“Oh- oh shit man I’m so sorry” you said, patting him on the shoulder, Joel was trying hard to not sob, “Hey, it’s alright to cry” you reassured him, but he just blamed it on the ashes in the fire in front of you, “He’s like that” Tommy stepped in, but he’s a nice fella, anyway, where are you from? We come from Texas,” “New York” you said, “Nice, nice” Tommy kept talking, you could tell Joel was zoned out, probably still mourning Sarah. Joel was also paying attention to every word you were saying, you had caught him and he didn’t know why, but he was just so interested in everything you had to say.

However, the two brothers still distrusted you and it was clear enough, you sometimes caught them talking to each other and acting like they weren’t as soon as they saw you. But Joel started to like you more, eventually fully trusting you more. He noticed himself looking at you for longer than he should have, Tommy sometimes telling him what was the matter with him and why he was zoning out so often, Joel was starting to have to face the reality that he had caught feelings for you.

Your feelings for Joel also continued to grow, you had managed to see another side of him, you went to sleep every night, imagining what those sweet, full looking lips tasted like, holding Joel as physically close as possible, things like those were what made you smile, you had tried to be extra flirty with him, but he just didn’t catch onto your flirting. Tommy decided to part ways and started to live in a city, it was clearly hard for Joel who wanted to keep traveling, but Tommy was tired of walking around, he wanted to settle down, have his own kids. Luckily, you were there for Joel, and he realized he had no choice but to trust you blindly, you and him became like best friends to each other, you were the only thing you both had, which just strengthened your feelings for each other even more. The tension between you two could be cut with a knife, if someone had been with you they definitely would’ve just asked you to kiss already. One night, it was super cold, like your bones start aching kind of cold, and when you were sleeping in a house with no windows, the cold had no trouble getting in, you got to thinking and realized the only way for you to sleep would be to cuddle with Joel, and upon further notice, it was a chance to cuddle him as well, “Joel, I’m fucking cold” you complained, following your plan, you looked at him, he started removing his jacket, he was always so selfless, just one element of the endless list of things you liked about him, “No, you fucking silly, we should… sleep close to each other” you cut yourself off right before saying cuddling, “No, take my jacket” Joel protested, he loved the idea of cuddling you, but he was too nervous, he didn’t have enough confidence, “For fuck’s sake Joel, I said no” you complained, going closer to him, Joel felt himself getting weak as you approached.

You snuggled in close to him, Joel immediately tensed up at the feel of your body warming him up, you turned around so you could see his face, your lips were mere centimeters from each other, “Joel-” you started saying, “Thanks for doing this to keep us warm” he said, still tense, trying to change the topic

“Joel, I know you want to kiss me” you continued, Joel hadn’t done a very good job at keeping his feelings for you hidden… he didn’t reply, he started to panic, you realized you had to make the first move, so you grabbed his head and kissed his lips firmly but sweetly. His lips were amazing, the way your tongues were against each other, the way he tasted, the soft, faint whimpers he let out as he finally gave into the pleasure he’d wanted to feel for so many months. When you pulled apart, Joel still had his eyes closed, he gradually opened them, “I-” he started

“Joel, it’s alright, I’ve wanted it for months too, you’re the most beautiful man I’ve seen” you confessed as you ran your hand along his cheek, there was a tear rolling down his face, “And I mean it, you could say I love you, the way you get dimples everytime you smile, the way you laugh, the way your face looks so cute when you zone out,” you said, then, he said what you’d dreamed that he’d say one day, “I love you too,” he confessed as he held you, “I’m just so damn afraid of losing you, or maybe I wanted to give this Sarah business some time, but I’ve loved you ever since I helped you walk when we met” he confessed, his eyes glowing with happy tears, “Now… cuddling sounds good, but don’t you think we can warm ourselves up doing something more… active?” he said, flirting as he stroked your inner thigh, you hadn’t pictured him as the type to flirt, but your dick was getting hard at his words…

“Joel-” you moaned, “I’ve wanted to do this for so, so, fucking long,” he breathed out, “Then do it” he didn’t quite know what to do, it was his first time with a man, but his legs naturally spread for you, you looked at him, you didn’t really mind who was a top and who bottomed, but the way Joel’s legs spread out for you gave you a view of his ass, you wanted to fuck him, be inside him, “It’s my first time with a man-” he moaned, “It’s alright Joel, but we don’t have lube, you’re gonna have to suck me first so I’m lubed enough for you to take me” “Sure, darling” he said, moving down your body and taking out your cock, the cold air hit it but immediately went into Joel’s warm, waiting mouth. Joel sucked your dick and it was the first time he’d sucked a cock, but he was surprisingly good at it and kept trying to swallow your cock, you were shaking in pleasure, his mouth felt amazing, your dick was twitching in his throat. He was extremely eager, you could tell he was trying to lube you up as fast as possible, he was taking your cock so well down his throat, but you felt your orgasm getting close, “F-fuck- Joel, if you don’t stop I’m gonna-” you whimpered, he immediately took your cock out of his mouth, “Are you lubed up now?” he asked so prettily, your dick glistening with his spit, “We could try” you said, taking some of the slick on your dick and putting it on your fingers, then pulled Joel’s pants down, his hole was exposed to you. You started putting your fingers inside him to loosen up, he just moaned and begged for more, being as loud as he wanted to, he was confident no one was around, when you had two fingers buried in his ass, you finally found his prostate, he yelped in pleasure and threw his head back, “Is that good, Joel?” you asked sweetly, “Y-yes- m-more- again-” he whimpered, “As you say, my love” you went back to fingering him, then pushing a third finger in, there was a lack of lube, so you had to be extra gentle with him, but you managed.

As you started to go inside him, he whimpered, you held his hand, “Shh my love, I’m right here” you reassured him,

“This isn’t a one time thing, tell me it’s not a one time thing please” he begged, totally seriously, “it won’t be” you kissed him, “I love you, Joel” you whispered, your dick kept going further inside him, “Oh fuck-” Joel moaned as tears came out of his eyes from happiness and pleasure, “Shhh, it’s alright, you’re taking me well my dear, so well…” you reassured him, your cock brushed past his prostate and he breathed in sharply. His ass felt so warm around your dick, and the way he clenched slightly was giving just the right amount of pressure on your dick.

You moaned as you started thrusting into him, Joel’s eyes shut tight in pleasure, your dick getting closer to orgasm with each thrust, “Please-” he begged, having no idea what he was begging for, all he knew, was that he wanted to be with you for the rest of his life, “What do you want, my sweet Joel?” you asked him, “Ngh-” Joel moaned, he started looking you in the eye, his eyes were wide open just like his mouth, he started breathing hard and Joel came a lot, he was having the best orgasm of his life as you continued fucking into him, the way he clenched around your cock so tightly made you scream in pleasure as well and cum inside him, making him yours.

You pulled out, “Did you like that?” you asked, smiling

“I loved it” he said, cuddling you and putting his clothes back on, “Better now? Not cold?” he chuckled “No” you said as you laid your head on his chest, “Were you serious?” he asked, “When you said you loved me?” “I was, I’ve loved you for long enough, I couldn’t repress it anymore” you confessed, “But… what if I’m not enough for you?” Joel started, “You are enough for me, Joel,” you said as you brought him in for a soft, sweet kiss on the lips, “you’re everything I’ve ever wanted, a man to love, as we cuddle after sex, but maybe not in a post apocalyptic world, but I’m happy for once, and it’s because of you” you said, “I love you” he simply said and held you to him as he sobbed into your shoulder, “I don’t want to lose you” he said, worried for you, “You won’t, we’ll travel the country together, proudly holding hands, cause no one will be there to call us names, we’ll be free” you held his hand, “We will be” Joel said as he started to fall asleep, “Goodnight, babe” he said, “Goodnight my love, sleep well” you said, now both of you warm.

#joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller fluff #joel miller x male reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x male reader #pedro pascal characters #tlou #gay #x male reader #gay love

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olderthannetfic · 1 year

Note

I’m this anon who asked about radical feminist/trans debates. I appreciate your response and those of your commenters, particularly @elfwreck who described a long evolution of discourse that I’ve missed. I’ve not been intentionally dense…just a woman and working mother who’s been busy as hell for about the last 15 years and focused on getting through the day. I’ve always supported gay rights, never gave it a second thought. With my kids older and more time on my hands, I started exploring fanfic and have been drawn in. One thing led to another and I find myself down tumblr rabbit holes with women raising questions about girls sports and the dangers of HRT for teens and whether lesbians are allowed to not like dicks, with responses that generally amount to “die terf”. I start researching online and find academic papers and news articles, but find essentially a similar message to you and your commenters: “radical feminists are obviously wrong and not to be taken seriously”. No addressing the questions I’ve seen raised. I get the point—one side is indefensible and I missed the boat on seeing the discussion play out many years ago. I suppose I was looking for a short cut through social media which feels silly in retrospect. Regardless, the radical feminists are out there making intellectual arguments across social media on a range of topics, including men in general, misogyny, porn, prostitution. In all likelihood the post that first pulled me in to their viewpoints related to the imbalance between women and their husbands with respect to child raising, housework, and expressing anger over daily aggravations, which rang completely true to my personal experience and that of other women I know. Likely why I now find myself caught up in fanfic escapism. Anyhow, I’ll dig in deeper to academic literature on the intersection of women’s rights, gay rights, and trans rights because I finding myself caring to know this history now.

It happens.

A lot of the roots of current feminist debate are in the Feminist Sex Wars of the 80s. Those were about differing ideas around protecting women and the implications of pornography.

(TBH, part of how very old arguments are able to rear their ugly heads again is that this shit is old enough that the youth weren't born yet during those debates.)

While not about trans stuff per se, some of the ideas about embattled women whose territory is being encroached on link back to there. The "argument", to the extent that the anti-trans side has one, tends to be about defending women's spaces. Many of these arguments are coming from a place of genuine fear. (Maybe not realistic fear, but I believe them that they're traumatized and reacting accordingly.) Some, however, are malicious indoctrination.

There have been efforts (sometimes admitted to publicly, often not) to literally infiltrate young lefty spaces with this kind of rhetoric. It's the queer and female youth version of gamer boys getting indoctrinated by the alt right. So people on my blog have very limited patience for anything that gives this shit the time of day.

I don't think there's a particularly good shortcut since it's the culmination of decades of fighting.

But where I'd start would be by saying that a lot of the arguments sound good on the surface but boil down to "Have you stopped beating your wife yet?" traps.

If someone on social media is still hung up on "But BDSM is abuse! A woman cannot meaningfully consent because [bullshit we fought about in the 80s]", we have nothing to say to each other.

The anti-kink and anti-trusting people when they say they consent attitudes tend to go hand-in-hand with suspicion of trans people and refusal to let people define their own identities.

Misogyny and unfair work distributions are absolutely real, but there's a certain "war on women" rhetoric that's about as legit as the "war on Christmas".

The "other" side agrees about a lot of the basics, like the fact that a lot of dudes really need to hold up their end of relationships better when both partners work and nobody should be solely in charge of the house.

But some feminist classic like the comic You should've asked is not on "The Feminist Side" as opposed to "The Trans Side". Regular feminism doesn't take issue with trans people. Lots of regular feminism accepts that women are kinky and horny and like impure things.

These feminist basics are often used as a strawman ("Our opponents disagree with this basic idea they clearly do not actually disagree with!") and as camouflage for much stupider ideas, like the notion that trans women would choose to be a demographic that gets murdered in bathrooms a lot. It's not cis women who are in danger from trans women! That's complete horseshit.

A lot of the talk of embattled lesbian space actually means "Oh no, some butches came out as trans men eventually, and we have to acknowledge bisexual women now".

Re the HRT thing... Yes, there are dangers to prescribing kids and teens hormones. A family should go into the process with a clear understanding of the effects on bone density and such. These risks can be managed the same as menopausal women manage bone density risks. These are not horrific and unknown problems: they're commonplace medical issues we've dealt with before in other contexts. They don't have to be a big deal unless a kid has some pre-existing bone disorder or something.

The part the transphobes don't tell you is that the biggest danger to trans teens is suicide.

Depending on which study you look at, something like 80% of trans youth have serious suicidal thoughts and maybe half make an actual attempt. Lots of teens have issues, but these rates are staggeringly higher than for cis peers, even cis gay peers who also tend to have higher rates than cis het teens.

Forcing someone to go through the body horror of the wrong puberty is... well... not great for their mental health. So a lot of medical professionals are understandably eager to treat kids and teens early because of the huge lasting mental toll. Taking hormones early can also result in an adult body that passes better. And perhaps people shouldn't have to pass as cis to be treated how they want to be treated, but we live in the real world.

Some people do start treatment and then regret it. That's reality. But it's a small percentage, and the issue is often that they're nonbinary and weren't presented with any options other than cis of their assigned sex at birth or transsexual in the 90s sense where you want the full top and bottom surgeries and you're still very binary. I know people who've detransitioned to a degree, but they're not like "Ah yes, I was 100% cis and a fool!" There was generally something going on, just something harder to pin down.

(In fact, most of the "evidence" of people regretting transition are from contexts where the only way to socially transition and get your government ID changed and so on was to do the full medical transition. The regretters would most likely have preferred something in the middle but were not allowed access to what they needed by punitive laws.)

A bunch of alarmist dickheads want to tell you that trans youth don't know their own minds and that everything will be safer and healthier if they just wait to get treatment. In most cases, this is completely untrue.

There used to be far more psychiatric roadblocks to getting physical medical treatment. What the haters want is for these to return. But they didn't deter trans people back then, and they're not going to now.

Re the dicks thing... People roll their eyes because it's such an old canard. Nobody thinks lesbians should be required to like dicks. Nobody thinks lesbians should be required to date trans women either.

But lots of trans women get bottom surgery and don't even have a penis. In any case, whether they get surgery or not, reducing them to a body part is the kind of bio-essentialist nonsense feminism normally strives to debunk.

These arguments boil down to "Have penis, will rape".

Re sports... Trans women don't end up being the issue. In practice, when there's a lot of scrutiny, what happens is that black cis women are seen as literally not female enough and racist shitheads demand that their hormone levels be tested and they be branded Not Female for testosterone levels or something.

Whatever this kind of regulation is intended to do, in practice, it establishes a correct way to be female, and that way is to have a body that conforms to a particular "feminine", white beauty standard.

The athletes who end up being attacked are sometimes intersex, which they may not even have known. Sometimes, they're just taller and stronger than other women. Often, they don't look normative enough to a bunch of creeps because they're too black.

The assholes cover it up with a good line of patter, but that's where this ends: treating black women like freaks.

The bottom line is that anti-trans supposed feminists try to pretend they speak for feminists in general and that there are two major sides locked in conflict.

In fact, they're fringe weirdos who've gained new prominence, particularly in the UK with the backing of JKR, and the rest of the feminists are over here going "This shit again? Jesus!"

I don't waste time debating their "intellectual" arguments on social media for the same reason I don't debate eugenics-preaching racists or fundie religious nuts.

Hence the lack of good resources on "both sides".

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toaster-trash · 10 months

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@shotofstress

When I tell you I read this I saw it and I WHEEZED I was in TEARS and I shouldn’t be bothered arguing about it but quite frankly I’m trying to procrastinate anyway and I’ve had a god awful week and need to take out my frustrations somehow, ergo, I’m going be petty not because this person disagrees with my reading of the novel, but because they implied that in reading queer or neurodivergent elements in a work, people “can’t see the important themes that the novel is about” which actually does piss me off a fair bit

Right so first before we argue we’ve got to decipher because English apparently isn’t this person’s forte for someone who is, apparently, such an avid reader and esteemed critic of English literature. Also I just realised I haven’t really provided any context here so apologies this was in response to that joke post I made about mischaracterising Frankenstein adaptations (again yes the pettiness is not lost on me but I’m embracing it anyway)

“He is not gay nor autistic” cheers this person disagrees that Victor Frankenstein is either gay or autistic. To each their own. Wonder what kind of backup they’ll have for that argument.

“Pls stop seen representation of us everyone bc u can’t make the difference,” Right so this is where we get confusing, I’m going to take a wild guess and I think they’re trying to say “please stop seeing representation of us everywhere because you can’t make the difference”, and I still don’t know what “make the difference” means, but we’ll go with it.

“read nothing new”, alright so they’re saying people who see representation everywhere read nothing new, and then the kicker that’s kind of the only reason I decided to respond to this anyway, “nor really see the important themes that the novel is about.”

First off, “stop seeing representation of us everywhere”, let it be known that as I make a hundred jokes about Victor Frankenstein being homosexual, I myself am thoroughly through and through without a doubt bisexual as the days are long. Absolutely love men. Also adore women equally. So no, I am not a Disney corporate executive trying to squeeze in as many queers as possible for the entire purpose of using the fact they have representation in media to excuse the fact it’s a shite film but also, not trying to revisit every old piece of media to squeeze representation where it doesn’t really fit or make sense just for shits and giggles. (Also just saying, you made this comment on Tumblr. So even if I was just going haywire with lgbt headcanons on my favourite media with no real backup, who gives a shit? Who actually gives a flying fuck? I don’t. Let people live, man. It doesn’t mean they don’t understand the source material just because they’re having fun and playing loose with it. It’s Tumblr, not a Netflix adaptation. Let people do whatever they want and have fun with it. It’s cool.)

But like I said, I do have backup and a lot of it so let’s get into that, shall we?

First of all, whoo, autism. I’ll be real not really a hill I’m going to die on but the wording you put of “he is not autistic” is just ridiculous because yeah, no, there is a lot of perfectly decent ground to read Victor Frankenstein as autistic and a lot of people do, mostly people who are autistic or otherwise neurodivergent themselves. Just because in the 18th century people didn’t necessarily have the language for things doesn’t mean they didn’t exist, and I mean, now we do. So what’s the harm in using it? They had their own language for things back then, do we have to revert back to speaking in early 19th century English every time we want to refer to a character who was written back then as neurodivergent or lgbt or anything else?? What’s the point in that??

But yeah, Victor Frankenstein. I can’t even be bothered to explain and to be honest every single other person I’ve said “Frankenstein is autistic to” has immediately responded “oh yeah, obviously”, even my father who famously is just hypercritical of all sorts of headcanons just went “oh yeah no for sure the man is definitely autistic no doubt about it”. So instead I’m just going to include some quotes.

My temper was sometimes violent, and my passions vehement; but by some law in my temperature they were turned not towards childish pursuits but to an eager desire to learn, and not to learn all things indiscriminately.

It was my temper to avoid a crowd and to attach myself fervently to a few. I was indifferent, therefore, to my school-fellows in general; but I united myself in the bonds of the closest friendship to one among them.

From this day natural philosophy, and particularly chemistry, in the most comprehensive sense of the term, became nearly my sole occupation.

Two years passed in this manner, during which I paid no visit to Geneva, but was engaged, heart and soul, in the pursuit of some discoveries which I hoped to make. None but those who have experienced them can conceive of the enticements of science. In other studies you go as far as others have gone before you, and there is nothing more to know; but in a scientific pursuit there is continual food for discovery and wonder.

Like I said, self explanatory. It’s harder to come up with an argument for why he isn’t autistic than why he is, and frankly, what’s the harm in reading him that way? It doesn’t really change anything about the plot or themes, and his character doesn’t change. It’s just a very probable diagnosis for said qualities. It doesn’t change them, whether you use that word or not. The concept of autism was coined in 1911 anyway, so its not like Mary Shelley’s going to be sat at her writing desk in 1817 writing in big bold letters “BY THE WAY, FRANKENSTEIN HAD AN AUTISM DIAGNOSIS.” It doesn’t change the fact that people still had autism back then, just because the term wasn’t discovered yet. Anyway.

Now, second bit. “He isn’t gay” – now, if you read Frankenstein and thought “ah yes, this man seems perfectly heterosexual to me”, then honestly, sure. Go ahead. But to say that reading Victor Frankenstein as queer in any way means that people “don’t understand the important themes of the novel” is completely bloody ridiculous because, again, there is astronomical ground to read him that way.

Victor Frankenstein never really shows interest in any women in the novel, except for Elizabeth, who he has been raised, since he was five years old, to see as his “gift” and was told by his mother since he was a very young child that he was going to marry her – to the point where his mother, on her deathbed, tells both Victor and Liz: “My firmest hopes of future happiness were placed on the prospect of your union. This expectation will now be the consolation of your father.” Also, they’re cousins/adopted siblings. If you don’t think that’s fucked up, even by the standards of the time, I’m not really sure what to say to you. Of course he married her. And before he married her, he generally expresses very little romantic interest in her bar just expressing as much affection as you would a close friend or sister, or seeing her as his “gift” who he “has to be wed to”. Read any other story from this time period, in this genre, and you will not be remotely questioning whether they’re actually attracted to each-other or not. In fact, here’s an excerpt from The Vampyre, another book born from the same trip to Geneva that Frankenstein was, by John William Polidori, about the protagonist’s love interest:

And that’s only part of it. So. Yeah. Victor’s lack of romantic affection for Elizabeth is not “a product of its time” nor “a product of its genre.” And The Vampyre is a short story.

And so you may be saying, “well, just because Victor doesn’t show any interest in women doesn’t necessarily make him gay”, and yeah, true that (ace and bi Vic hcs y’all are valid) but there is very good basis to take the reading that he is attracted to men.

For one thing, just the fact that he’s so particular about creating “the perfect man” is subject to a lot of queer readings in itself, but let’s be real here, you all know me enough by now to know that I just want an excuse to rant about Clerval and Frankenstein. And rant about them I shall.

First, I’m lazy, so here’s an excerpt from one of my previous essays I’ve written that I’ve never posted everywhere on Frankenstein in general:

Just as The Creature is Victor’s narrative foil, so is Clerval. He's equally ambitious and fascinated with the secrets of life, however he’s healthy with how he goes about it and healthy with how he keeps the balance between taking care of himself and pursuing his dreams, while Victor goes over the edge and neglects himself and his sense of morality to complete what he set out to do. He's supposed to represent the ideals of gothic romanticism in Victor and he's supposed to be his anchor and support, (something the Creature doesn't have), caring for Victor during his illness, (“reanimating” him, almost, once again showing that comparison between both Victor and Henry, as Henry “reanimates” Victor with compassion and cares for him after, and Victor reanimates The Creature in a haze of obsession and mania and immediately abandons him, showing what Victor could have been), and constantly accompanying and being sympathetic and empathetic towards him. I also find it very interesting how he does also seem to have those darker aspects to him, lying to Victor’s family about the extent of his illness and caring for Victor in his apartment despite the fact that, for all he knew, from the evidence lying around his workspace and Victor’s feverish rambling, he very well could have murdered someone, and Clerval chooses not to press him on the issue and instead to intentionally help Victor cover it up. The fact that Clerval exhibits these traits only makes Victor’s own downfall all the more tragic when we consider that it likely very much isn’t a stretch to imagine that Clerval, too, likely exhibits a lot of the same morbid curiosity as Victor; he isn’t a superhuman figure with purely positive attributes who is completely far removed from Victor’s situation, the only difference is that Clerval chooses to prioritise his own sense of morality over his selfish aims, which only emphasises the point that Victor’s downfall is, ultimately, Victor’s own fault. When Victor "kills" the Creature’s chance of the same support and love (his unfinished bride), the Creature kills Henry and sends Victor into a downward spiral of suicidal thoughts and heavy depression because the character that represented that stability, that romanticism, that balance of keeping healthy, is dead, and that throws Victor downward into his inevitable obsession with the monster's destruction and his own death.

On this point, I feel like it’s worth bringing up that a reasonably good case could probably be made regarding a lot of queer subtext in the novel, although I won’t rant about it excessively as it obviously isn’t the focus, the theme of love is a very prominent theme as I’ve previously mentioned with The Creature; familial love, platonic love, parental love, romantic love, and I don’t think it’s particularly much of stretch to suggest that Shelley, intentionally or unintentionally, might have added a lot more romantic subtext than given credit for. Not that it matters particularly narratively speaking what kind of love is portrayed, but in reference specifically to Clerval and the Ingolstadt chapters there’s a very good argument to be made regarding Shelley’s poor relationship with her own husband and how she may have projected a lot of her wish for that kind of care and sympathy into his character, perhaps not taking into account, or perhaps she did, how it would come across – author intentions are mostly lost with time and we’ll ultimately never know for sure, but even for the standards of the late 18th century when the novel was set and the early 19th century when it was written, “I desire the company of a man who could sympathise with me, whose eyes would reply to mine. You may deem me romantic,” and “your form so divinely wrought, and beaming with beauty, has decayed, but your spirit still visits and consoles your unhappy friend,” probably weren’t standard platonic sentiments.

And honestly on that essay excerpt, that still sums my thoughts on that subject up pretty much perfectly. After all, a character in a book talking about his best friend going “I loved him with a mixture of reverence and affection that knew no bounds” as well said best friend tenderly nursing him back to health, and the character talking about how his body is “divinely wrought and beaming with beauty” and gently pressing his hand and referring to him constantly as “my dearest”, “my dear” and “my beloved”, while living together and travelling together and talking about how his voice “soothes” him and “cheats (him) into a transitory peace”, pretty gay!

And yes, before anyone says a single thing, if it wasn’t already obvious from the essay excerpt, I do understand “the important themes the novel is about”. I do understand that there are more themes and characters and subject matter, and more than that, I bloody love it! Because this is one of my favourite novels! Of-fucking-course I’m invested in it on a deeper level than “ooOoooh what classical literature characters can I RUIN with my gay agenda today!” But you commented this on a joke post, a joke post, again, on Tumblr. No harm but Jesus Christ if there is a singular platform I can go on and just post stupid bullshit about two book characters from 200 years ago being soft and gay without having to justify that yes, I did in fact read the book, and shock horror yes, I do know that there are other themes, it’s bloody Tumblr. (Absolutely love you lot btw especially all my lovely fantastic incredible mutuals all your takes and readings and art is 👌✨ chef’s kiss)

Oh and by the way, op, I noticed you reblogged this:

And to be honest if I had to say any take or reading was a misunderstanding of the text, it’d be that one (as well as “Victor is sexist for cutting women out of the creation process” takes – Christ that’s just gross. And feels mildly if not explicitly homophobic.)

So just for shits and giggles to counter that argument, here’s another excerpt from the same older essay as before:

Speaking of Hugo, it is rather interesting how many adaptations and literary criticisms seem to go down the route of the Hunchback of Notre Dame moral of “who is the monster and who is the man?”, suggesting that Victor is the “true monster” of the narrative. And, as much as I am a decent Victor Hugo fan, (I’m over 50% through Les Misérables, have you seen the size of that book? I’d have to be), in reality the point of the story is that neither Creator nor Creation are more monster nor man than the other – Victor mutilates corpses and brings the creature to life, and allows Justine to be executed without owning up to his actions, and The Creature murders a child and a multitude of other innocent people, Clerval and Elizabeth who had nothing to do with anything and Ernest left completely alone with his entire family dead. We can’t acknowledge The Creature’s sympathetic qualities without also acknowledging Victor’s, and regardless, sympathetic motivations don’t make up for immoral actions.

Also this meme, which I can’t for the absolute life of me remember who posted it originally I’m sorry I use it all the time in GCs whoever it was you’re so valid:

#gothic lit #classic literature #gothic literature #goth lit #classic lit #frankenstein #frankenstein weekly #frankenstein or the modern prometheus #essay #Frankenstein essay #Victor Frankenstein #queer lit #elizabeth lavenza #henry clerval #clervalstein #clervenstein

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the-soliloquies-of-sadists · 2 years

Text

#321

“Hey. I know you are surprised to see me, but hear me out. First are we alone here? Do you live with someone? No? Good. Ok. Earlier today you thought I was at the main office. I wasn’t. I was in the inventory. I overheard you on the phone talking with some other guy…. Don’t look panicked. You are fine. Was he your boyfriend?... Whether you call yourself a queer or sperm burper who likes to suck dick at the dirty book store, I don’t care. I just want to fuck your ass good….

“It took all the will power I had not to come around at work, throw you over the work table, and shove my cock into your cunt. But I don’t shit where I eat. So, you want me to plow you?

“Good. Let’s go into your shed here…. Nah, I don’t want to go into your bedroom. I didn’t come here to make love to you; I came here to rearrange your insides. Now get fucking naked.

“No, I’m keeping my clothes on. I don’t have much time. I have to get home soon. Weren’t you the one who told whoever you were talking to that you love being naked in front of a glory hole at the bookstore? Thought so.

“Decent body there. Fuck! That ass is nice and plump. Bend over. I don’t give a shit what you hold on to, just present your ass to me. Fuck yeah. You have lube? No, no time for you to go into the house. My spit will do. You’ll feel more pain though.

“Scream! I don’t care. What? You weren’t expecting me to be fucking huge? Fuck yeah! Oh man your cunt was made for my cock. Quit squirming. I got your waist, you ain’t going to fall over. I’m in control of this fuck. Just figure out how to take it.

“Don’t worry, I’m getting close. I hope you like getting bred; if not, I don’t care, ‘cuz I’m dumping a huge load in you. And you are going to fucking take it. Here it cums. Here it fucking cums. Take it. Take it like the whore you are. Fucking whore! Here it… ahhh! Ahhhh! Goddamned whore!

“Damn bitch, you should have grabbed on to something. You knew I was going to let you go at some point. But damn, you look like you belong on the floor: destroyed and in a heap.

“Stay still, I have to take a piss…. I said don’t fucking move. My piss is going in one of three places: on you, down your throat, or up your cunt.

“Oh yeah, I knew you were a sick bitch when I came over. OK, so here’s what’s going to happen. First open up your toilet mouth. You should know the taste of my piss. Tomorrow, at work you say nothing about any of this to me or anyone else. When we get off work, you are to come directly back here. I want you to welcome me in your home. Have the decency of being naked at the door. You are allowed to wear knee pads. I plan on putting your mouth to the test. I will have more time to use you than today.

“My cock is covered in your pussy juices, some of my jiz too. I have no plans on washing it off between now and then. That will be your mouth’s job to clean up day-old ass funk along with stale cum and piss, and the sweat from a hard-worked day. You will also be cleaning out my asscrack. That’ll be your responsibility too.

“That’s what you can think about for the next day. You should clamp down, my load is leaking out. You shouldn’t waste such a gift. And don’t wash off my piss between now and tomorrow.

“OK cunt, I am out of here. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

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reasonsforhope · 1 year

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A wild about post appears!

Hey! Call me Cactus. They/them, late twenties. I also run Direct Action for Hope, for petitions/campaigns/protests that don’t fit on a good news blog, as well as my own takes and activism.

Queer, trans, disabled, white, USian, for context. (Please let me know if I accidentally post something offensive, btw! I promise I have like. an actual ability to take that kind of feedback gracefully and work to remedy the situation)

Some Info about This Blog

Actual good news only!

No heartwarming stories that aren’t actually news. No stories that other sources THINK are heartwarming, but that are actually super depressing and dystopic!

All websites/sources are at least preliminarily vetted by me

If I don’t think a source and/or a news story I find is accurate or reliable enough, I find a new, better source with a new, better article

Relatedly, any links that have the url web.archive go to an Internet Archive copy of a paywalled article. Usually this is the LA Times, NY Times, or Washington Post. Not a weird suspicious link, I promise!

All posts are cited and dated at the end!

All posts should be tagged, including for major/common content warnings. I can’t promise that I won’t miss any warnings, but I am definitely keeping an eye on this

Filter the tag “not news” if you only want to see the news articles/posts

Feel free to send me articles to look at or submit posts! I’ll vet these before I feature them. That said, you might be waiting A While, because despite many efforts to the contrary I am the worst about checking/answering messages. Sorry about that

Posts are generally long because I have Many Words And Endless Details Disease. Hopefully the thoroughness and the bolded highlights make up for that

A couple people have asked me if I could share their donation posts, so I wanted to pin this up: I’m sorry, but unfortunately, I will not be sharing any donation posts, because I don’t have the time or skills to vet all of them and weed out any potential scams. If you’re struggling, please check out this post, which lists communities designed for donation posts and mutual aid. You’re much more likely to get help there than on tumblr. You can also find other mutual aid resource lists and wikis here, here, and here

If you’re struggling with depression or anxiety, especially around climate anxiety or climate grief, there’s a really, really thorough directory of crisis hotlines by country that you can find here. Seriously, they have so many countries I wouldn’t have expected them to list - try it, if it might help

Tip Jar

I put a lot of work and passion into this blog—and a not inconsiderable amount of time. Also, I’ve been too disabled to work much at all for most of the past year...rip. (but thankfully doing better now!) So, if you want to support my work, you can buy me a coffee!

Good News Source

You can find a comprehensive list of all the websites I’ve bookmarked as sources for this blog here!

Note about Gaza

I will be posting good news (as much good news as there can be in this sort of situation) about the ongoing genocide in Gaza, because one of the most important ways to help is to refuse to be silent. Palestinians in Gaza have asked us to please keep talking about it, that it really does help, so I’m going to listen.

And honestly, my disabilities significantly interfere with my ability to take irl action like going to protests, so using what platform I have here really is all the more important to me. (Though I am also setting a notif on my phone to remind me to call my representatives every few days, and I encourage you to do the same if feasible.)

All that said! It is completely legitimate to need a break from horrific news (a huge part of why I started this blog), and it’s also legitimate to say “I need to find out about this stuff Not from my tumblr dash.”

If news about the war/genocide (esp on social media specifically) is making you spiral and shit, then I genuinely encourage you to filter out these posts. I’m not judging. I have significant filters around what Israel/Palestine stuff I see on here myself, because I want to be very intentional about the times I do engage with it. (Which is every few days and via the Actual News.)

I’m committing to fact-checking this stuff before posting, fyi, even with reblogs.

So, tl;dr:

I will be posting about Palestine and Gaza

I will still only post good news, eg: about successful protests, aid reaching Gaza, progress toward ceasefire

I’ll only post actual, concrete news, not just Politicians Saying Words

If you need to not find about this shit from tumblr and/or my tumblr, then filter out the tags “Palestine” and “cw war”

If you don't want to see my posts on this blog about the Israel-Palestine War, then block the tags "Palestine" and "cw war"

if you need a break, then take a break

#about #me #not news #reasonsforhope

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aristocratic-otter · 7 months

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Thank you to @artsyunderstudy, @alexalexinii, @alleycat0306, @bookish-bogwitch, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @cutestkilla, @facewithoutheart, @aroace-genderfluid-sheep, @j-nipper-95, @iamamythologicalcreature, @wellbelesbian, @nightimedreamersghost, @angelsfalling16, @larkral, @rimeswithpurple, @prettygoododds and @fatalfangirl for the tags over the last week. You all are writing such interesting things! So many brilliant AUs (my favorite!)

Welp, I'm still on seven WIPs, though I'm on the last chapter of two of them, so there's hope of that dropping soon. Here's a snip from each (except the secret one).

From my WIP where Simon is a Tiktok dancer (among other things):

Snow steps cautiously closer and looks down at the screen of my phone. He’s silent while the video plays, and then gestures for me to play it again. I do. After the second play-through, he steps back. Then he lifts his hands in imitation of the clay character in the video, and lets them flow through the motions the character made. I nod. He’s got the motions down perfectly, even if he’s not got the speed or abrupt pauses. He’ll learn, though.

From: The Snow Fox (new chapter up tonight!):

“Let the boy go, Redcoat,” I growl. Best not let him know I recognise him. He’s never seen me, as me, before. Though I’ve seen him several times over the last year, from the protection of various disguises.

Tarleton’s hand twitches towards his pistol, so I jerk my gun at him. “I’d hold still if I were you, Redcoat,” I state casually, as if we two were just having a conversation. “I’ve really got no reason to keep you alive, but if you try for that gun, I’ll definitely have a reason to see you dead.”

From Stars, Flowers, and Children:

I start by cutting away all the extra length that’s getting in his way. But then I spend a long time with my comb detangling his sun bleached curls and trimming them until he’s got a head full of bouncy sunshine.

Simon lets me do what I want. In fact, I find that when I finally set down the comb and snips, he’s snoring gently, having fallen asleep as I worked on his hair. So I take a risk and indulge myself by running my hand through his curls, pulling each one straight and then releasing it to coil back against his skull. He sighs in his sleep and I freeze, but all he does is press his head back against my hand and mutter, “Don’t stop, feels good.”

From Westward Son:

I can’t help but smile at Simon’s machinations. “Got plans, have you?” I tease.

His eyes glint in the light from the fire I’m still holding. “Do you blame me?”

I snort. “No. I’d almost certainly be plotting along the same lines if it were me waiting.”

From To Heal a Broken Mind

“I am thinking about it,” I admit. “My mind just has the capacity to do both.”

He laughs gently and lifts his arm up from where it’s encircling my rib cage. He brushes my hair out of my eyes and leans forward, letting his lips brush against mine. “I must be doing a shit job if you can think about more than my mouth on your skin right now,” he whispers.

I shudder. He’s got a point.

From Saving Simon Snow (new chapter this week!)

Simon pulls back so abruptly that I’m dizzy. “Baz,” he says urgently, “do you still hate me?”

It takes me several seconds to recover my wits enough to understand the question. I’m still fighting the urge to pull his gifted mouth and tongue back to my neck when I realise what he’s asked me.

My mouth opens and closes uselessly for a moment before I sigh.

“Simon,” I croak, and then pause to clear my throat. “Simon, I never hated you.”

Tagging for Wednesday, or any day you want to join in:

@bazzybelle, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @cosmicalart, @confused-bi-queer, @dragoneggos, @erzbethluna, @frjsti, @hushed-chorus, @ic3-que3n, @ileadacharmedlife, @ivelovedhimthroughworse, @jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists, @krisrix, @letraspal, @messofthejess, @moments-au-crayon22, @moodandmist, @mostlymaudlin, @raenestee, @thehoneyedhufflepuff, @theearlgreymage, @tea-brigade, @whogaveyoupermission, @whatevertheweather, @yellobb-old.

#co/ws/awtwb #six sentence sunday #snowbaz #cotta 2021 #carry on through the ages #cotta 2023 #Oregon Trail AU #American Revolution AU #House AU #Canon divergence #Forced marriage #Simon as a tiktok dancer #Blue Lagoon AU

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waitmyturtles · 10 months

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Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: Dark Blue Kiss and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again Edition

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, I’ll cover Dark Blue Kiss and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again, and the start of the creation of Aof Noppharnach’s universe of singular BL tropes and themes.]

Let me say this: 2019 was an insane year for BLs, right? To have He’s Coming To Me, Dark Blue Kiss, AND TharnType coming out in the same year seems almost overwhelming to me (even though I know that HCTM was mostly buried for years).

My very good luck over the last three (THREE!) weeks has been in just enjoying an INDULGENCE of past and current work by Aof Noppharnach. Studying his work is a major goal of this Old GMMTV Challenge project, as I’ve been seriously destroyed, personally, by the layers and implications of his work as an Asian director and screenwriter, with me as an Asian-American viewer watching his shows that I can relate to on basically almost every level of my existence, while not being queer.

But, hilariously: an INITIAL goal of this project -- I cannot believe I’m saying this now that I’ve already gone through so many shows -- was that, before deciding to get to know Thai BLs historically, I had long intended to watch Dark Blue Kiss as a means of getting to know Tay and New. BECAUSE (cough cough): I am an absolute digging, sniffling, barking golden retriever for Cherry Magic. I LIVE FOR CHERRY MAGIC. I stan so stupid hard for Machida Keita and Akaso Eiji. I own their dumb mugs! I have DVDs, magazines, so much CM shit in my house. LIKE, I LIVE FOR THAT SHOW AND LOVE IT SO MUCH.

So Tay as Kurosawa and New as Adachi? I needed to know who these dudes were before I watched them in Cherry Magic. (I’m totally giggling about this now.)

OBVIOUSLY, I’ve gotten MUCH WISER, much more HIP to the SCENE, if y’all will, and I understand much better how important Tay and New are as an OG GMMTV ship. And for them to appear in Dark Blue Kiss, after originating PeteKao in Kiss and Kiss Me Again -- I understand the meaning and importance of that in 2019, now, through my watchlist project.

There are a few themes that come to mind as I think about how I’ll review this show:

1) Watching the birth of the singular BL tropes that P’Aof created in Dark Blue Kiss -- t-shirts, picture boards, etc., 2) How he balances and integrates Big Themes in his storytelling, and 3) How he chooses particular actors to buck certain assumptions in Thai society regarding appearance.

I’ve now seen almost all of P’Aof’s major works, save for Still 2gether. And I’ve watched these out of order, although I have chronological rewatches of A Tale of Thousand Stars and Bad Buddy (and their respective Our Skyy 2 episodes) coming up on the watchlist.

So I couldn’t help but see A LOT of proto-BBS in Dark Blue Kiss, which I really enjoyed seeing, as a slavish BBS girlie. I loved seeing P’Aof’s tropes in historical form. The picture posterboard above Pete’s bed. Mork’s and Sun’s matching t-shirts. The birth of the engineering trope in P’Aof’s own oeuvre, with the first appearance of the architecture red shirt on Rain. Finger promises in HCTM and DBK becoming fist bumps in BBS. I love teasing these out and seeing what P’Aof was DOING by creating his OWN platter of tropes that he’d come to leverage and rely on in his future works -- all for creating a lovely sense of universe and intimacy among his beloved couples. (Pat wearing the forest ranger shirt in Our Skyy 2... I’m still laughing and shaking my head at that.)

I understand what P’Aof was doing by teasing out the PeteKao story and kind of slipping it away from the Kiss franchise -- not only do I understand it, I love the subversion of it. And I love that, while he was doing that, he was creating his OWN flavor of BL, complete with HIS own tropes and themes, while leveraging an already-existing property, to draw attention to the show vis à vis Kiss and TayNew. I think, by playing around with the bones of something that already existed, that he could begin to take risks to create an oeuvre that we know, now, in 2023, is utterly unique, and in my opinion, brilliant and important. (And I think it’s important to note this in particular because of how buried He’s Coming To Me was, and I think Dark Blue Kiss was an important move for P’Aof to make post-HCTM for GMMTV and for his career.)

(Tangentially, I think He’s Coming To Me and Moonlight Chicken stand alone as defiers of the BL genre, only minimally influenced by the stereotypical BL tropes, while featuring ONLY P’Aof’s own style of BL in their foundations. And as I’ve said previously -- I believe HCTM was way ahead of its time in 2019. I’ll talk a little more about this in my TharnType review later this week.)

But not only was P’Aof creating his own flavor of BL in DBK, as INFLUENCED by previous BL tropes, I also see that he was beginning to really burst out in establishing his own language of analysis of the macrosystemic issues that face the queer community -- issues that we see repeated and analyzed in his future works, particularly in ATOTS and BBS. In DBK, the major issues he tackles are socioeconomic inequality and internalized homophobia, and how these issues play out, internally and externally, among couples, their families, and their social worlds.

These two issues crash headlong in the form of Non (played by the cutest-wutest AJ, who was SO! EVIL! but I wub him). Kao has to teach Non -- he must, because Kao needs the money to support his family, and his mom’s job would be at risk if she kept Kao, her son, from teaching her director’s son in Non.

Pete hates Non. Pete KNOWS Non is up to no good, and is after Pete’s man. Pete’s jealous of Non.

The simple equation here is: if Pete and Kao were out, then Pete wouldn’t have to feel jealous, because Kao could tell Non that Kao has a boyfriend. Pete is out to his dad. (BTW: PETE’S DAD IS THE BEST DAD IN BL, BAR NONE. PETE’S DAD NEEDS TO DAP UP WITH THUN’S MOM IN HCTM. P’Aof writes SUCH amazing parents. Gaipa’s mom FTW also.)

I want to make quick reference to a meditation I wrote last week on pain and suffering in Asian BLs that notes this phenomenon -- what pain could have been either avoided or mitigated if a couple is able to be out. I’m of the belief that in Our Skyy 2 x Bad Buddy x A Tale of Thousand Stars, that Pat and Pran could have possibly avoided their tiff before the trip to Pha Pun Dao if they had been out. If they had been out -- Pat would not have had to fib about their relationship to his engineering bros, and Pran would not have overheard Pat saying that Pran always needed Pat. They could have avoided the confusion all together.

Pete and Kao fall into the exact same boat -- this is where P’Aof births a concept that will repeat itself in OS2 x BBS. Pete wants Kao to be out to Kao’s mother, so that they can be out together, to everyone. And: Pete has financial stability and security.

Pete’s boxes are checked. Kao has much more tangled issues. Kao THINKS his mom will not be happy to find out her son is gay. AND: HE’S the breadwinner. (I actually thought this was a touch confusing in the show, as Kao’s mom is clearly a teacher -- but relies on Kao as if he’s the breadwinner.) In any case, it’s clear that Kao adopts the role as the male head of the family, while still depending on his mother for emotional fulfillment.

In other words: Kao has a much more TRADITIONAL background to contend with. To me, that’s à la Pat, à la Uncle Jim, à la Phupha, even à la Ming. All of these men have their backgrounds, their roles, all laid out for them by family and society, through culture and expectation.

That’s a lot for Kao to break from. Because Pete has confidence through the reality that his life’s needs are squared away, Pete HAS the emotional room and ability to push Kao to be out. And I think that’s why it takes Kao so long in the show to move forward and to meet Pete where Pete was at.

Here’s my criticism of DBK. I think DBK is a lighter show than P’Aof’s other works (again, without having seen Still 2gether). I think that’s because P’Aof knew that he still had to hew to some of what Kiss and Kiss Me Again had given him by way of cinematography (a lighter and fluffier filmmaking style than his usual serious lighting and camera work) and by tone (much more soapy and a touch more dramatic than I’m used to seeing in his oeuvre). (Oh, but, but: THAT OPENING THEME, YES, FRIENDS, WAS A BANGER. SHEEEEET. THAT THEME SONG! THOSE CURTAINS! THE WIND! THE STARES. KAO’S TEAR. So good!)

And I’m not entirely sure that P’Aof was able to get as DEEP, internally, with Kao as maybe he could have if he himself had been able to write Kao from Kao’s very existent start in fiction. P’Aof was taking this already-established character through an emotional reckoning that still needed to stick with a kind of Kao that had been born in the previous Kiss versions.

It’s a minor quibble, but I think the Non storyline ran for too long. I think it could have wrapped up much more quickly. I think we got a lot more time with Sun and Mork than I could have expected because P’Aof kind of drew out Non to keep the 12-episode bundle together.

Again, minor criticism. However, I *did* happen to appreciate how much TIME Pete and Kao spent fighting towards the end of series. That lengthy disagreement allowed Kao to really begin processing his own internal change to recognize his love for Pete, and to play around with what he’d be willing to risk by way of his family to be with Pete. It allowed Kao to consider that he NEEDED to demonstrate personal responsibility to Pete, and even to his family. I really thought that was in-depth and brilliant, and despite minor quibbles about New’s acting, I thought New carried it very well.

What’s amazing to me, though, is that Kao CLEARLY MISSED that his mom TOTALLY KNEW that he was gay, ha. Kao was SO CONSUMED with concern for what his mother WOULD THINK, that he didn’t see -- with his own two eyes! with Pete at the dinner table! -- that his mom CLEARLY KNEW. Kao’s mom side-eyed that basically from the start of the series, honey.

Despite that, what took my heart out a number of times in this show is that P’Aof showed empathy to Kao, and maybe even to the viewers that may have missed Kao’s mom’s silent acknowledgement before Kao’s coming out at the end. P’Aof was telling all of us this in the end quotes at the end of his episodes -- another unique P’Aof trope that was birthed in HCTM, and that I absolutely loved seeing in DBK and ATOTS.

(As a mom, that first slide makes me LOL so much, because it’s so true.)

Even while I felt that some DBK episodes were a little too long, a little too drawn out, these end quotes brought me back to what P’Aof was working on achieving in regards to revelation: that our human existence is so much more enriched if we’re able to transcend our worldly bullshit, even a little bit.

We see that in Kao with his mom. We see that in PETE, with his willingness to calm the eff down, bruv, and focus on his studies, and focus on managing his anger, for the sake of Kao, and for the sake of his own future. We see that in Sun, as he reorganizes himself and his insecurities to become an even better barista (I LOVE COFFEE IN BLs). We see that in Mork, as he ALSO demonstrates a willingness to calm the eff down, to promise to stop fighting to Sun, and to work on his own internalized homophobia to meet Sun as a partner.

(I’m not going to spend too much time on Sun and Mork, but I absolutely LOVED PODD AND GAWIN, and I REALLY liked Podd’s portrayal of Sun’s very strong forwardness in his attraction to Mork. I loved his CONFIDENCE. I thought it was sexy, it was rooted in queer love and attraction, and I thought it struck a different and OPEN tone of movement in relationship-building that I haven’t seen in the previous watchlist BLs. Sun reminded me a bit of our fabulous guys in Make It Right -- that kind of almost earnestly honest openness.)

I want to note, in conversations with the wonderful @lurkingshan, that we realized that in HCTM and DBK, we saw the start of P’Aof making a few other subversive choices in his shows. I wish I were more of an expert on the impact of colorism in Thai media and society, but I can extrapolate enough as an Indian (unfortunately). I couldn’t even SEE that Tay was a shade or two darker than New, but so be it. @lurkingshan noted for me (thank you, Shan!) that it was a subversive choice for P’Aof to center Pete’s story of change, from a bruiser to a carer, within a character that was slightly more melanated than his co-lead. I note that P’Aof shows no concern over casting other melanated actors -- Ohm Pawat and Earth Pirapat, multiple times -- in major lead roles with lighter-skinned co-leads. I love these choices and that he’s pushing boundaries across fiction and non-fiction. (And that P’Aof focuses on the quality of the ACTING of these dudes, as well as their looks -- that they should not be overlooked for being melanated.)

Like I said earlier, DBK was a lighter show than others of his that I watched. It was the first show of his that I watched that had a pre-established universe in the Kiss series. But I still fell in love with it -- I couldn’t help myself. I mean, come awn, Tay Tawan. Holy noodles.

Could Pete and Kao have had a touch more feral chemistry, à la Pat and Pran and Jim and Wen? Sure, but I’m not complaining. I think, as compared to the PeteKao Kiss BL cuts, that P’Aof got a TREMENDOUS amount more out of Tay and New (especially Tay -- Tay’s Pete in DBK and his process of change was FABULOUS).

And I noted one last connection from Kiss/DBK to BBS, as I closed out my watch with the non-P’Aof Kiss Me Again edition of Our Skyy. I noted that Pete and Kao planted a tree together.

And then I remembered that P’Aof had beloved Pat and Pran do just the same in Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS.

Pete and Kao, Pat and Pran, plant a plant together that will grow and grow. The plant lives out in the open, growing tall, towards the sun.

It gives me the chills, a warm and fuzzy happiness, to see these patterns being born, and P’Aof paying attention to them (even if the plant idea wasn’t his originally) -- because these artistic, dramatic tropes end up communicating so much to me about the depth of love that P’Aof is able to render, through his and our beloved couples, in his utterly fabulous shows.

[Welp -- if you’ve been reading my late-night liveblogs, you’ll know that my brain has been IMPALED by TharnType. I finished the series this past weekend in the heat of angst, and I’ll do the rare thing of releasing two reviews in one week -- I’m planning right now to drop the TharnType review on Thursday. If you’re a TT fan, then trigger warning: I have lots of things to say about this show that are the most critical I’ve ever written about any drama.

On another, MUCH HAPPIER note, after a FABULOUS conversation with the WONDERFUL @so-much-yet-to-learn, I’ve added GAP the Series to this list. With Saint investing in it, after his whole deal with the PerthSaint and ZeeSaint mishaps, I’m just really impressed that an important figure in the BL world has taken active steps to invest directly in more directly queer content. I think GAP is a must on this watchlist to understand the direction that Thai QL in general is going -- especially with 23.5 on the way later this year. (EEEEEEE!)

With that, here’s the latest version of the list. As ever, I’ll take comments, recs, etc.!

1) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 2) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 3) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 4) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 5) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 6) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 7) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 8) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 9) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 10) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) 11) TharnType (2019) (review coming) 12) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (I’m watching this out of order just to get familiar with OffGun before Theory of Love -- will likely not review) (watching) 13) Theory of Love (2019) 14) Dew the Movie (2019) (not an official part of the OGMMTVC watchlist, but I want to watch this in chronological order with everything else) 15) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) 16) 2gether (2020) 17) Still 2gether (2020) 18) I Told Sunset About You (2020) 19) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (not a true BL, but a MaxTul queer/gay romance set within a genre-based show that likely influenced Not Me and KinnPorsche) 20) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 21) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS 22) Lovely Writer (2021) 23) I Promised You the Moon (2021) 24) Not Me (2021-2022) 25) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 26) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch 27) Secret Crush On You (2022) [watching for Cheewin’s trajectory of studying queer joy from Make It Right (high school), to SCOY (college), to Bed Friend (working adults)] 28) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here) 29) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 30) GAP the Series (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 31) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 32) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 33) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) (Cheewin’s latest show, depicting a queer joy journey among working adults)]

#dark blue kiss #kiss me again #taynew #tay tawan #new thitipoom #podd suphakorn #gawin caskey #sunmork #turtles catches up with old gmmtv #turtles catches up with thai BLs #turtles catches up with the essential BLs #the old gmmtv challenge #ogmmtvc #backaof noppharnach #aof noppharnach

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