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#I’m trying to read them back and I can’t even understand my fucking thought process LMFAO
seraphicalsuccubus · 21 days
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oh no I smoked too much weed and gave myself zoomies both from the excitement from my new peak pro and the excitement from the new weed itself and def smoked way more than I should have and probs will continue to smoke more than I should because of this double dose of excitement until I finally just pass out after days of hardly sleeping recently lmao
but ANYWAYS before that happens !!! I currently have the strongest urge to go wreck people in fucking battlegrounds to level one of my assorted disc priests and because like …. ever since I got 100k honorable kills achieve, I’ve wanted that goddamn fucking ‘the Bloodthirsty’ title from the 250k honorable kills achieve and I was farming that before I stopped having the drive to game a few months back.
so let’s see how queues go at 2am on a fucking Wednesday morning, I wonder if I’ll give up before I find a bracket with fast pvp queues tonight tbh. it’s more likely I’ll end up pugging a raid on my mistweaver main if it takes too long to get into a battleground just to preoccupy myself for a bit and try to get a chance at trinkets and shit lmao
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runnning-outof-time · 9 months
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K, darling!! I'm sending you this one, because you sent me a gif, too ❤️❤️.
Probably Tommy is struggling with something, too. Feel you, Tom 🤝.
Thanks for sending this my way, Flor!! I truly feel Tommy here…this have been my exact reaction when thinking about writing/wanting to write these past few weeks - it’s gotten a bit better since you’ve sent this, but I still can’t help but struggle slightly from hour to hour. Since you went lighthearted on the gif I sent you, I figured I’d do the same here. I…really don’t know what came of it - like I said, writing has been hour to hour for me. But I hope you’ll maybe get a laugh from it. ☺️. Enjoy! :)
PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!
A Much Welcomed Distraction
Tommy Shelby x Reader
Warnings: language, smoking
Summary: (Y/N) tries to get Tommy’s mind off of the work he’s been struggling with. Tommy, for once, accepts the distraction, until he realizes that maybe he will have to finish his work first.
No matter what he did, the words wouldn’t come out right. He’d been trying to figure out how to address the receiver of this letter for at least an hour now. Who would have thought that it’d be hard to write to the fucking Prime Minister of England? Tommy certainly didn’t upon initially thinking of the idea. Now here he was, stuck after a paragraph as he wondered if his word choice would be correct enough to get Winston Churchill to actually want to finish reading it.
He was so invested in his writing - or his attempt to do so - that he didn’t even hear the door opening. It wasn’t until he heard the voice of his wife that he looked up: “Lizzie told me you’d be in here.”
Tommy only nodded, just barely glancing up at her before focusing on the paper again. He didn’t miss the sound of her footsteps approaching the desk though.
“What’re you working on?” she asked him, coming to his side and leaning against the desk to take a look at the paper in front of him.
“A much needed letter,” he answered, exhaling a bit of a sigh as he slouched back against his chair. He could feel her lean in closer, perhaps to take a better look at the letter.
“Dear Mr. Churchill…” she started off, reading in a formal tone. There was a bit of a pause before the sound of her heels turning on the hardwood was heard, “you’re writing to the bloody Prime Minister, Tommy?” she asked, a bit of surprise laced into her words.
“I am, yes,” he answered her with a nod, glancing up at her before continuing, “expect there hasn’t been much writing happening,” he ended his statement with a sigh, bringing his left hand up to run across his face before he pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Well I can see why…it isn’t every day you write a letter to a man of that standing,” (Y/N) commented, her words making Tommy exhale a snort; one that she couldn’t help but roll her eyes at, “it’s an extraordinary feat, Tommy…I certainly wouldn’t know what to say,” she defended herself.
“It needs to get written,” he mumbled, reaching out to grab the half spent cigarette from the ashtray so that he could take a deep drag from it, “and it needs to happen before any other order of business comes up,” he concluded, smoke accompanying his words as he uttered them. He finished his stressed statement off with another drag before snuffing the cigarette out in the ashtray. He then sat back again, exhaling another frustrated huff as he did so.
“I see…” (Y/N) trailed off, nodding her head in understanding. She had an inkling of a thought that this was business related. With every move Tommy made, he had to do the background work to make sure that it was well calculated and would turn out the way he wanted it to. Oftentimes he’d frustrate himself in the process of completing that background work. “It isn’t worth beating yourself up over though, I’m sure. Take a break, maybe?” she suggested. It didn’t come as much of a surprise that his reaction to her suggestion was an incredulous one.
“Hmm,” he hummed at her statement, and (Y/N) couldn’t really discern if it was a hum of agreement, or of disapproval.
“Maybe I can take your mind off of it then?” she offered another suggestion, biting on her lip to stop the grin from forming when his eyes snapped up to her face. “You liked the sound of that, didn’t you?” she questioned, letting her grin show as she sat her hand flat on the desk and leaned her weight against it.
“Love, I need to write this letter,” Tommy stayed steadfast on his priorities. Despite the dismay in his tone, he didn’t exactly disagree with her suggestion.
“Doesn’t seem to be much writin’ going on,” (Y/N) quipped back, her words making him quirk an eyebrow in her direction.
They held each others stares until Tommy exhaled another sigh. After running a hand over his face, he dragged his eyes up to her. “What do you have in mind?” he asked, his words coaxing a grin from his wife.
“I’m happy you asked,” she chirped, moving to sit down on his lap. Tommy welcomed her with open arms, his hands falling onto her hips so that she would be secure. “I was just thinking that maybe I’d give you a kiss…” she paused, her hands falling onto his shoulders before she leaned in and pressed her lips to his, “…or two…” she kissed him again. A look of amusement formed on Tommy’s face. “And that maybe those kisses would help some ambition for writing to return,” she concluded, going in for a slightly longer kiss then.
“I thought you were working to distract me from writing, love?” he questioned her intentions when she pulled away.
(Y/N) couldn’t help but giggle at his question. “I wouldn’t exactly say distract…” she paused, lifting her one hand to tap on her chin as a physical show that she was thinking on how to finish her statement, “instead maybe I’m giving you a taste of what’s to come later,” she ended off her statement with a quick, suggestive glance; one that Tommy most certainly didn’t miss.
“A taste?” he asked another question, his eyebrows now raised.
“Yes. Of what’s to come later…after you finish writing your letter,” she added more detail, biting on her lip as she watched to see if he’d catch the stipulation that she’d thrown in there.
“After?” the inflection in his voice showed that he most certainly caught the stipulation.
“Of course,” (Y/N) responded like it was no big deal, “you said it yourself, it needs to get written before any other order of business comes up…” she trailed off then, a smirk full on across her features now.
The way he was clenching his jaw told her that she was grinding all of the right gears inside of him at this moment. It honestly egged her on even more.
“(Y/N)…” he tried, a bit of a warning tone laced into his voice. It didn’t deter (Y/N) from her plan in the slightest though. She leaned in and kissed his lips one last time before managing to free herself from his grasp so that she could stand up.
“I said that I’d get your mind off of it…and I think that I just did. Don’t keep me waiting up, Mr. Shelby,” she sent him an innocent smile as she backed away from his desk. Tommy said nothing as she backed herself all the way over to where the sitting area of his office was. There, she grabbed her coat and put it on. Then she blew him one last kiss before turning and walking to the door without looking back.
Tommy didn’t exhale the sigh he was holding in until the door shut. He then looked back down to the paper sitting on his desk, wracking his brain in hopes that sentences would form. “Dear Mr. Churchill…” he mumbled to himself before he began writing like his hand had been possessed by another being; coming out with words and sentence structures that he couldn’t begin to think of earlier. On second thought…maybe it had been possessed by another being.
Either way, he managed to write the letter in its entirety without taking a break or even looking towards the clock. Considering it a done deal, he left it on the desk for himself to proofread tomorrow. Now he needed to get home to his wife, who had provided a much welcomed distraction and got him back on track.
———
Tagged: @mystcldydrms @the-anxious-youth @cloudofdisney @look-at-the-soul @elenavampire21 @mrsalwayswrite @julkaamazing @evita-shelby @lilyrachelcassidy @notyour-valentine @shelbydelrey @onlydeadcells @peakyswritings @just-a-blackhole @watercolorskyy @strayrockette @peakyduchesss @alexxavicry @captivatedbycillianmurphy @yummycastiel @dark-academia-slut @tommystargirl @stevie75 @lyarr24 @signorellisantichrist @zablife @anotherblinder @midnightmagpiemama @cillmequick @rangerelik @dandelionprints @letal-y-poetica @itscheybaby @gypsy-girl-08 @insanitybyanothername @depxiety @raincoffeeandfandoms @dragons-are-my-favorite @acewritesfics @forgottenpeakywriter @cljordan-imperium @areyenotfondofmelobster @little-diable @thomashelbyswife @iambored24601 @shaddixlife
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copperbadge · 1 year
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Having ADHD and Being A Little Punk Rock
So....a huge amount of the discourse on Tumblr around neurodiversity generally is just venting. Which is good, it’s good to vent and Tumblr is a good place for it. And I know that often, when venting, the LAST thing you want to hear is someone trying to offer help or solutions. So generally I keep my mouth shut unless someone is speaking to me specifically. 
But a while back I saw someone asking (rhetorically) about what people with ADHD wish their parents had known, and I had a lot of thoughts about that which I started jotting down. Reading the various ADHD tags, I also see a lot of teens and twentysomethings with ADHD who visibly have no coping mechanisms and no way of creating them. I don’t blame the kids, and it’s not some kind of personal failing on their part; they’re young, and nobody has taught them. But I look at them and I think, A little sideways thinking would help you out so much. Then, recently, I got an ask (thank you for the permission not to respond directly) that was full of feelings about not being able to process or communicate well, and feeling a lot of negative emotions because of it. 
So, maybe it’s time to just throw this out there. I want to offer some advice as Fandom Dad with forty-three years of being neurodiverse and exactly seven months of actually being aware I was neurodiverse. Which for once is actually going to be pretty helpful! Because I looked at the world and I assumed my own neurotypicality and I thought, well, okay, but fuck all that.
Allow me to explain.  
I think this can apply to a number of ways in which people are neurodiverse, but I have ADHD so that’s what I’m really speaking to here. With ADHD, there’s medication, and I strongly urge people to explore that option because medication is awesome when it works. But there’s also a lot out there about how to try harder, or trick yourself into doing something in a very neurotypical way, or use systems that may not work for you. I know; I tried some too, and the sense of failure, the sense of being an ongoing failure, is terrible. So I want to offer an alternative which has helped me a great deal, and may help other people with ADHD, particularly younger people. 
People of any age, but especially young people who have ADHD, should be made aware that it’s okay to suck at things, to struggle, and to fail. Even if you think you should be good at something, even if everyone around you thinks so too, it’s okay to just be garbage at it and to acknowledge that fact. But just saying “well I’m dumb and can’t do this” of course isn’t actually helpful, and harms you a great deal, because you are a living person with feelings and if you’re self-aware enough to notice, you’re also too smart to be calling yourself dumb. Acknowledging that you’re bad at something, and even acknowledging that you’d like to succeed at it, is only part one of figuring life out.
Part two is deciding what to do about it, and more importantly, how. 
I was always told I was smart, but I was told “You’re smart so you should be able to do this”, not “You’re smart, so let’s come up with a way around this.” I don’t think many people are encouraged to explore why they are bad at something, to understand their own brains and thought processes which cause them to struggle.
Decades before I knew I had ADHD, I had to figure out that one of life’s most important skills is not being able to creatively solve problems but to recognize when you have to. Anyone can sit around and come up with three or four ways to solve a problem, but it’s not actually often taught that you should also be aware of when this is needed. Often, when faced with a problem that is difficult to solve, we’re taught that our reaction should be the socially approved “I just need to try harder”. Sometimes that’s true, but usually it’s not.  
More often, when we feel that instinct, especially as people with ADHD, we should say instead, “I’m not going to try harder, that’s bullshit. I’m trying already. I’m going to find another way to solve this problem.” Trying harder doesn’t work, after all, when your own brain is fighting you.
So you stop and think, if there were no rules to the world, how could I do this? You don’t have to work smarter; a lot of my solutions could reasonably be described as “work dumber”. The point is to work differently in a way that helps you specifically. 
Stop trying to remember to take your keys when you leave the house and get a lanyard and hang them on the doorknob; if you lose them a lot, hang the lanyard around your neck when you leave the house. 
Stop pretending you’ll remember to scoop the litterbox every night and set an alarm that tells you to do it. Or don’t, that works for me but might not for you! Maybe you have to put the litterbox somewhere you’ll see it right before bed (I ALSO do this for the days I turn off the alarm and then promptly forget it happened). 
There are phone charging cords in every room of my home so that I never run down my phone battery, something that is mildly inconvenient to have happen but deeply anxiety-inducing to think about for me. And now I never worry.
The point is, don’t ask how you can do better at something, ask how you can make something easier for you.
Even rewiring your brain to ask the question is a learned skill, though. You have to consciously stop when you find something is fighting you and consciously think, how can this be easier for my specific brain? If we assume I am not stupid but am in fact fighting an invisible monster, how do I make the monster visible? 
Life became roughly 60% easier for me when I started thinking this way. Of all the tips for time management and list making and organizing and de-organizing you can try and implement, none of that is necessary if you know how to ask yourself, “How do I do this differently?” and come up with alternatives that suit your brain. 
Especially with neurodivergence, there’s no “one size fits all” when it comes to handling it, neurologically or emotionally. So I think that it’s important to be a little bit punk rock. Not necessarily in the way of defying authority but in the way of defying convention -- the ability to say “fuck you” to the Way Things Are Done and do one’s own thing is very liberating and healthy. You lose a lot of the benefits of creative problem solving if you’re also ashamed of the solutions. So I think the best trick I know of to succeed despite unmedicated ADHD is just to say “fuck you, there must be an easier way to do this.” 
I’m garbage at cleaning my home (I can say that because I’m not only calling myself garbage, I’m using “I’m bad at this” as a stepping stone to solving the problem, and then I no longer feel like garbage and can joke about it with a healthy ego). I vacuum regularly and do the dishes and such but like...I don’t scrub the floors or dust or wash out the bathtub. That’s part of why I do November Cleaning -- so that at least once a year those things, that I never want to do but always think I should do, get done, but only have to be done once and at a specific designated time. So now if the bathroom floor is a bit grimy in the corners I just think, “Ah -- that’s for November” and add it to my November Cleaning list. 
For my friend who struggles with communication, which is something I also used to really struggle with (and still do in some ways), one of my “make stuff easier” techniques for this was simply to...tell people.
“Hey, I tend to talk really fast when I get excited, so please tell me if I need to slow down.” 
“Sorry, I have some hearing issues, I may ask you to repeat something -- it’s fine just to do it slower, I don’t need louder.” 
“I’m upset and struggling, I need a minute.” (or even just “Hey where’s the bathroom?” so you can sit quietly for a moment and gather your thoughts. If you’re too upset to talk, it also helps to type them out, which I often do.) 
If someone tells me something I want to remember, I’ll get out my phone and say “Sorry, I’m still listening, but I want to write that down so I won’t forget it.” I do all my writing-things-down in Google Tasks, then once I’m somewhere quiet and private I review the notes and move stuff that isn’t actually “to do” to another list. Sometimes I’ll tell someone “I’m so sorry, you just said something and I totally missed it, but it’s important to me -- can you repeat it?” 
Most people find that kind of honesty, where you’re open about why you’re maybe talking at cross-purposes, really charming. It indicates that you think they are important, and you’re putting in effort to hear what they’re saying and respond to it thoughtfully.  
I hope this is helpful in finding ways around some basic problems, rather than through them -- that being able to stop and think “This could be easier -- how?” is something that people can internalize and make use of. Going around a mountain rather than through it might look like it’ll take more time and energy, but it beats trying to punch through granite the whole way there. 
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aloysiavirgata · 19 days
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Thanks to @numinousmysteries for tagging me! I had never checked these stats before!
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
92
2. What's your total AO3 word count?
484,620
3. What fandoms do you write for?
I’ve written for Hannibal, Battlestar Galactica, The Fall, and The X-Files, but only The X-Files at this point.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
The Parting Glass (smut)
Animus Possidendi (dark smut)
The Common Fate of All Things Rare (casefile, cowritten)
Lacuna (casefile)
This Her Fever (cancer arc)
5. Do you respond to comments?
Yes and no. Not like I should. I am so deeply, truly grateful for every single one.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Well, I killed William in Inhaling the Different Dawn, but that wasn’t at the end.
Maybe Where The Vines Cling Crimson? Scully’s cancer comes back and her fate is ambiguous. And I had Scully kill Emily in Alabaster Stones. But I think that was the right ending for both of them.
As a mother? A Basket of Reeds, where Scully gives William away. I can’t even reread it without a lump in my throat, man.
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Tent of Shelter is fluffy and lovely gets a lot of love, and was inspired by a STUNNING manip by @avocadoave but I personally think In The Gale. It’s the one that, to me, feels the most like a grownup relationship of two people processing some trauma. I think that’s an ending that’s happy and also real - like “I don’t love being broken, but I can survive being broken with you.” Two abeyances that lean…
Foxfire for similar reasons. I real love that little story, which I wrote thanks to @perplexistan
I’m 43. I’ve been married for well over two decades and let me tell you that young love is a gift and mature love is a craft.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Some! And that’s really great too, that people read words I wrote and felt so passionately that they left me words about those feelings. What a strange but profound compliment!
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
I do. PWP isn’t my personal taste so even though I wrote a LOT of smut for the old pornbattles at LJ I wanted the smut to still tell a story.
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
I can’t say it’s especially crazy, but Fern Hill is a Mulder/Stella Gibson crossover. There are a few little ficlets with XF/Silence of the Lambs crossovers in my Inbox Prompts series.
Oh fuck! Wait! I wrote a Fall/Hannibal/XF crossover called Anthemoessa where Stella, Scully, and Bedelia all meet. Okay that’s it. That wins.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Years ago. God, isn’t that sad? To need positive reinforcement that much?
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes! It was SUCH a compliment!
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
I have - The Common Fate of All Things Rare
14. What’s your all time favorite ship?
Mr. Virgata and me. Followed by Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, who literally invented the word. ❤️
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
The Fisher King
16. What are your writing strengths?
I think I do pretty good banter and my education makes me pretty good at the sciencey bits.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
I get too lost in descriptions and I try too hard to be clever. I do my best to self edit but sometimes I reread things and I’m like oh my GOD SHUT YOUR PRETENTIOUS ASS UP.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
I’ve done it for Bedelia and Hannibal in Italian. I’m not sure I understand the question?
19. First fandom you wrote for?
TXF, my one true love.
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
I don’t know that I have a favorite per se. I am most proud of the ones that challenged me to do something outside my comfort zone. Samson is one of mytop fives even though it’s Mulder/Diana. I think I did a nice job. I also wrote Pair of Aces/Double or Nothing which is Scully/Byers.
But I do really love the world of Petrichor and Singing of Mount Abora, and I like the cases.
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amaiyajiki · 11 months
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A Lover’s Argument (Akutagawa x reader)
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Tags: Angst, Established relationship, Akutagawa being an asshole to reader, Swearing, mentions of Dazai and Akutagawa’s relationship, Ooc akutagawa?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> You knew what you were gonna get yourself in when you got into a relationship with the mafia dog, Ryūnosuke Akutagawa. Also the past subordinate of Dazai Osamu. You knew that Akutagawa wanted attention or at least approval of his mentor. He was taught that emotions were for the weak and vulnerable. He was cold to everyone, even you, but you two had your own moments where he would be soft for you.
But....what led you two to have an argument like this....?
He insulted you so many times but you know he’s just trying his best. He was stubborn enough to not apologize ever because he thought he’s always right. You didn’t like it at all. You were sometimes hurt by his words but you pushed your feelings down.
You were tired, tired of work, tired of everything really. You took out your keys and stuck them into the key hole. You opened the door to your shared apartment. Akutagawa wasn’t back yet, so you decided to change your clothes and take a bath. You decided to scroll thorough your phone for a bit. After a few minutes later, you heard the door to your entrance open and be shut closed loudly. You sighed and got up from your bed to greet your boyfriend. He seemed...gloomy?  “Welcome home, Aku”, you greeted him. He didn’t reply to you but just stormed off to your guy’s shared bedroom. 
You sighed and followed him into your guy’s bedroom. You went to your bedroom and saw him beside the bed, clutching his fists, his body shaking horribly. You, being the kind partner, decided to touch his back and try to comfort him. But he flinched a bit and moved your hand away roughly. “Aku, what’s wrong?” “Just get away from me.”, Akutagawa said. You sighed, you were used to this kind of treatment. “Aku, What happened?” you tried to ask him but he just wouldn’t budge. But at last, he got annoyed with you. “CAN YOU JUST SHUT UP?!” Akutagawa shouted, “God, I don’t need your pity! nor your kindness! I am not weak!” His eyes were cold and staring right at your eyes. 
You flinched a bit, not expecting him to raise his voice. “Well I’m sorry for caring about my partner when he’s risking his life on the line!” “I don’t think you’re weak Akutagawa! Why can’t you understand that?!” You shouted at him. You were annoyed, really annoyed with his behavior. You clenched your fists in anger.
Akutagawa spoke again, “Well- I didn’t ask you to care about me. You’re way too weak and I would appreciate it if you kept that behavior to yourself and not force it on me.” That’s it. You had enough of Akutagawa’s bullshit. You shakingly sighed as you tried to contain your anger. “You know what? Fine, I won’t give two flying fucks about you, I won’t care about you when you get injured, I won’t annoy you. I won’t do shit to you if it bothers you THAT much”, You angrily said. Akutagawa’s eyes slightly widened a bit. You grabbed your coat from your dressing table.
“No wonder why Dazai-san up and left you! You’re way too stubborn for your own good! You know- Sometimes I question my decision about dating you.” You said all of that in one breath. You could feel Akutagawa tense up at those mentions. But before he could say anything, you stormed off and out the door you went. You needed to process or control your anger without seeing him or anyone. You know what you’ve said and you will probably regret it later but for now..... You wanted to calm down.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A/N: Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed reading this! This is kind of my first time writing angst so it might not be as good as you think-  After this post, I might post another fic before I go offline because my exams are coming up sadly-
(Also shouts out to my bestie for helping me with this fic and editing it)
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theewokingdead · 2 years
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Yes (Javi G x F!Reader)
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Pairing: Javi G (TUWOMT) x f!Reader Summary: You and Javi wait for the results of an at-home pregnancy test. Word Count: 1.7k+ Rating: Teen. Though this fic isn’t explicit, my blog is 18+ only. Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story.  Notes: I think this is the first time I came up with and wrote a fic all in one day lol. Enjoy this fluff fest and join me in all the dad!Javi G feels.
Main Masterlist
Wait ten minutes, you read on the little pamphlet before setting it down on the vanity. Ten minutes. No big deal. What’s ten minutes after waiting a week for your period?
A fucking eternity.
Your heartbeat creeps into your throat, and you fear you might choke on it.
Just breath, you tell yourself. You can do this.
Hunched over, clutching the marble vanity, you take a deep breath…but it’s not enough. Despite its grand size, the walls of the master bathroom are closing in on you. A wave of nausea washes over you as your vision tunnels and your body tingles. Everything magnifies. The lights are blinding and the slight drip from the sink faucet is deafening.
No… You can’t do this.
Pushing yourself away from the vanity, you turn and open the door that connects to the bedroom, searching for air, for a distraction, for anything. A figure whips around to see you as soon as you enter the room, making you freeze.
“Javi!”you breath in surprise. You thought he was in his study, working on his latest screenplay, wanting to spare him the stress of waiting for the results of the test.
“Did you take it?” he immediately questions, the anxiety clear in his voice.
“I-yeah,” is all you can manage to say, trying to process what’s happening.
“What did it say? Is it positive? Can I see?” He moves past you to walk into the bathroom, but immediately turns back. “No. I can’t. I’m too nervous. What did it say?!”
“It didn’t say anything,” you reply. “I only just took it, and it takes ten minutes to show the results.”
“Ten minutes?! Ay, Dios Mío!” He places a hand on his chest. “My heart is beating so fast. I think I need to sit down.” Seeming like he may be sick, he moves over to the bed, taking a seat on the edge.
You fold your arms and hug them closely to your body. You feared he’d freak out. Why did I even tell him that I’m late?
“It’s okay if you want to leave,” you assure him.  “You don’t have to stay. You don’t have to have any part in this…if you don’t want to.”
Javi looks up at you, brows knitted together, the eyes beneath them shining with a love that burns from within. “What? You really think I don’t want to be a part of this?” he questions, sounding hurt by your inference. He rises to your feet and walks to you, then clasps your shoulders, his large hands warm and comforting. “Of course, I want to be a part of this! I mean, I’m already a part of this, aren’t I?” He pulls back and tilts his head. “Unless this happened because of some sort of…divine intervention.”
You hang your head to hide a smile. “No. Of course not.”
“Good.” He lets go. “So we just wait then?”
You nod, and he turns away. Silence falls between you.
“I’m sorry,” you squeak, though you’re unsure why. Maybe it’s shame, facing a pregnancy when you’re not even engaged let alone married. Or perhaps it’s guilt, feeling as though you’re trapping him. A tear falls down your cheek, but you quickly wipe it away “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“Oh, dulzura. No, no.” Javi returns to you, this time pulling you into a hug. “Don’t be sorry. Why be sorry?”
Shaking your head, you push him away. “I don’t know,” you admit, trying to make sense of all the thoughts in your head. “The timing feels horrible. You just started your next screenplay with Nic, and I know you’re under a lot of stress with that. You don’t need something like this occupying your mind or holding you back.”
“Something like this?” he questions. “Mi amor… Look at me.” He tilts your chin up to look at him. “I have a confession.”
Your heart slams against your chest as you look up at him through your eyelashes.
Javi moves his hand to your cheek. “Do you remember when we were watching the Academy Awards together and I told you that one of my biggest dreams is to win an Oscar for Screenwriting?” he questions.
Yes. Of course, you remember… Cuddling on the couch. The way he looked like a little kid while spewing random facts about which awards Nic Cage and his movies had been nominated for in the past. Cheering on his favorite nominees and yelling when the ones he disliked won. Crying at the sweetest acceptance awards. It was one of your favorite date nights.
“I lied to you,” Javi admits. “It was a lie. Well, it wasn’t technically a lie because it is one of my dreams, just not my biggest. My biggest dream is to have a family. To share kids with the love of my life…it would be a magical experience. Not always an easy one, I know, but I can’t imagine a future without having a family of my own.”
Instantly, you melt. “Oh, Javi,” you sigh. “Why have you never told me that?”
His hand slips from your face, and he seems ashamed. “Because I am a coward,” he responds.
“You aren’t a coward.”
“I am,” he states, nodding. He walks away, his hands on his hips as he looks down at the ground. “I never allow myself to have what my heart wants because I’m afraid of failing.”
“You’re doing perfectly, Javi,” you reassure him. “At everything.”
“But who’s to say I can do good at this? I…I don’t know how to be a father, and there’s no script for parenting. I know I’m not much of a better man than my father, and I don’t want to be like him. I don’t want to be an old man, alone on my deathbed, guilty of what kind of father I was, but refusing to make things right.”
“That won’t happen,” you assure him. You close the gap between the two of you, laying one hand on his chest, the other reaching up to touch his face, feeling his thick facial hair. “I may not have known your father, but I know you, and I’m certain you will make an amazing father. Yes, you may be stubborn and sometimes extremely difficult”-you offer him a smile-“but you are also very kind and compassionate. I have no idea how to be a parent either…but I’m willing to learn.”
Javi looks at you with the sweetest puppy dog eyes, filled with hope and wonder. “With me?”
“No, with God,” you jest. “Yes, with you, silly.”
“Oh, good,” he chuckles. “Because I want to do this with you. You will make a phenomenal mother. You already take such good care of me.”
You giggle but it quickly fades. You look down at the hand on his shirt. “Listen, Javi, truth… The reason I didn’t test sooner, that I didn’t even bring it up when I first suspected it, was because… Well, I’m scared too. I’m afraid that, no matter the results, our entire relationship will change. That it will change the way you feel about me. I don’t want to mess up what we have.”
“I don’t want to lie to you, querida. It does change everything,” he admits freely. “But not for worse. If anything, this has made me see just how much I love you, and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’ve always wanted to. I’ve just been too paralyzed by fear – doubts – that someone as beautiful and perfect as you would want to spend the rest of their life with me. Everyday I’m worried that I’m living in a fantasy world, and one day I’ll wake up, and you’ll be gone.”
You’re shocked by his admission. Looking deeply into his eyes, you place your hands on either side of his cheeks and say, “Javi Gutierrez. When is it going to sink into that enormous head of yours that you are a wonderful man who I love more than anything else, and – should you ask me to - I’d be honored to spend my life with you?”
His eyes widen, and a ridiculously happy smile appears on his face. “Really?”
You nod. “Really.”
“Maybe I, uh… Maybe I should ask you to then?”
“Maybe you should,” you respond, smiling. You bite your lower lip, remembering what brought you here in the first place. “But not now. It’s not the right time.”
“No?” he questions, confused.
“No.”
“No. Yes, no. You’re right. Now’s not the right time.” He’s silent, his eyebrows screwed up as he looks at you. After a moment, he questions, “How about now?”
You can’t help the laugh that escapes your lips, wondering if he’s forgotten about the test. “No, Javi. But I… I think it’s about time to check the test.”
“Oh, yeah. Right. The test. No, go. I cannot look.”
You nod, then turn and walk toward the bathroom.
“Mi vida, wait.”
You turn back to him, watching as he steps up to you.
“No matter what the test says, no matter what happens next… I love you. I love you unconditionally and nothing will change that.”
Beaming, you respond. “I love you, too.”
He nods, encouraging you to go, which you do. Walking up to the vanity, you pick up the small plastic stick sitting on it. It shakes as you hold it in your trembling hand, but you see that the little clock on the display screen has turned into a word - a word so simple yet capable of changing the course of your life.
A million emotions rushing through you, you step back out into the bedroom, your eyes fixed on the letters as your brain tries to process what it means.
“Well?” Javi prods.
“It’s…positive.”
You look up at him, watching the realization wash over his face. He releases a breath, his eyes wet with tears.
“Really?” His mouth twists into a bright smile after speaking the words, flashing nearly all of his teeth.
“Yeah. Really,” you reply, beaming. Your voice is shaky, filled with tears. “You’re going to be a father, Javi.”
You hold out the test, and Javi looks down, uttering an excited, “Oh, wow!” as he gazes at the word staring back at him: YES. He’s in absolute awe.
Unexpectedly, he looks up at you, then tosses his arms around your back, picking you up and spinning you around. Your arms instinctively wrap tightly around his neck, holding onto him.
“Javi!” you exclaim, laughing as tears of joy start to stream down your face.
“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, setting you back down and unwrapping his arms, as though he’s afraid of breaking you. “I’m sorry, my vida. I’ll be more careful. I just cannot contain my excitement! You just made me the happiest man alive!”
Your arms remain wrapped around his neck, and you move to press your lips to his. He finally holds you once more, this time less tightly. One of your hands reaches up, allowing your fingers to run through his curls. Pulling back, you demand, “Ask me, Javi. Ask me what you wanted to ask.”
Without missing a beat, he asks, “Will you marry me?”
“Yes!”
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waitmyturtles · 10 months
Text
CONTINUED UNPOPULAR OPINIONS ABOUT STEP BY STEP, EPISODE 11
I will spare y’all my biting criticism with a read-more. But, TL;DR -- my review is short (for me, HA!), and I hand this show over lovingly to anyone who wants it. 
(Thanks to continued conversations with the inimitable @lurkingshan and the utterly lovely @neuroticbookworm to ensure I’m not going insane with these thoughts.)
At this point, I don’t know what narrative lens we’re supposed to be watching this show through*. Maybe a few of them, together, but that is striking me as an understudied, overambitious, overworked, and confused approach to understanding this show.
Is it a queer narrative about how Jeng has been closeted-ish/held back in his public queer identification for so long that he’s turned into an inconsistent, incommunicative, distrusting putz? Is there a connection between his family being disapproving of his sexuality, and/or him running away from a filial fate of taking over his dad’s company -- and him being a bumbling asshole to Pat?
Is it a trust narrative about how Pat can’t trust ANYONE? Put, Jeng, Jeng’s dad, the company, Toh? Maybe even Chot? (I’m just throwing that out there, since Chot sent him into the battlefield with Jeng during the last episode -- I love Chot, I ain’t blamin’ Chot.) (Maybe I analytically get to this narrative by... assuming Pat can’t trust anyone, since his loving, COMMUNICATIVE parents ended up getting divorced?) (And in the process of that divorce, we learn, in part, that Pat’s mom couldn’t find her full potential in life unless she was outside of the marriage?) [So maybe that’s what needs to happen to Pat? Since Jeng is CLEARLY UNDERMINING Pat’s efforts to be successful on his (Pat’s) own, in multiple ways, by really not allowing Pat to have control over his (Pat’s) own life?]
Is this a MACRO MACRO narrative commentary on the failings of BL tropes and the BL industry as a whole? (The reveal of the once-toxic Ying as a fujoshi?)
It could very well be all of these narratives at the same time. However, the execution of this storytelling, at this point, is so inconsistent and choppy that 1) I can’t exactly tell, and 2) I’m so frustrated about the amount of time that I’ve spent trying to understand this show that at this point, I don’t really want or care TO care.
To refer back to my first point (*) -- I think it’s unfair for me to demand that ANY show have a singular narrative lens. But I propose that Step By Step would have been an actually successful drama if it hadn’t tried to do so much. I’m EXTREMELY biased right now on this kind of analysis, because I’ve just finished Until We Meet Again for the Old GMMTV Challenge, and watched two narrative lenses in DeanPharm and KornIntouch come together into one cohesive story. (And, fuck, I cannot believe I’m saying this about a New Siwaj show.) I mean -- you can take filmmaking classes that can teach screenwriters and directors how to handle multiple narrative lenses successfully.
Maybe that’s the word: cohesiveness. I’m not seeing cohesiveness in Tee Bundit’s Step By Step. Instead, I watched an episode with actual minutes -- MINUTES! -- spent watching an office team held in tension as internet “likes” poured in. Looking at computers. I spent MANY MINUTES watching Jaab WAFFLE over MULTIPLE episodes going back and forth on Jen... only to discover that he missed Jen’s departure to Japan -- a Very Big Life Decision that Jaab just *missed.* Okay.
And.... we are left with the break-up of Jeng and Pat. And a time jump. 
I mean. 
All that growth of the previous episodes, all that slow burn, all that processing of Pat’s growth into a hopefully successful professional digital marketer. For what. No cohesive character development or a sharpening of any narrative lenses.
The last thing I’ll offer is that I understand that Tee Bundit added themes to this show that were not present in the original novel, such as the aforementioned macro commentary on the BL industry and other workplace storylines. And, starting with episode 10, he was on his complete own, outside of the novel’s romance arc (thank you to @lurkingshan for confirming this for me). I’ll theorize, therefore, that what we’ve been watching these past few weeks is a Frankenstein-ed approach to this story where the novel focused on the romance aspect of Pat and Jeng, and Tee’s been wanting to drive home themes of workplace success (I think); professional growth (I think?!); homophobia in the workplace and the harms of either being disapproved of and/or being closeted or closeted-ish in general (Jeng, Chot/Krit, Pat), plus that macro commentary on the BL industry that got edited out. 
But, and I emphasize here: not a SINGLE one of these threads has been illuminated to the point of clarity. I’ve wondered in the back of my mind if Tee maybe threw the baby out with the bathwater on this show AFTER the whole ZeeNew debacle, but -- whatever. The seams on this show were fraying weeks ago, and it shows.
Again -- I can’t think much longer on this show. It’s over next week. After a break-up and a time jump. We’re on the express train to a likely happy ending that I’m going to guess will be totally unearned. I had high hopes for each episode, only to be sorely disappointed since episode 8, when the drag got so unbalanced that I started to raise red flags. I want to see a surprise turn towards good storytelling for this finale next week. I want to be proven wrong about my instincts, but I ain’t putting any of my money on it.
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furggot · 1 year
Note
pls write a fluffy morning with john ward x gn!reader
make them married and have breakfast together‼️🌹
Absolutely! I wrote this on my birthday
John Ward X GN! Reader
You two have known each other for years. At some point, you both gained a crush on each other. It took a while for him to realize he shared feelings for you, like several years. He gravitated towards you in almost any situation. He at first believed his mind defined you as his bestest buddy, and that this ‘friendship’ was, well, friendship. It went on for a painfully long time. You knew you had a crush on him, but you were too stubborn to make the first legitimate move, as much as you adored him.
It took until later into high school that he realized he like-liked you. It was the biggest Ah-hah moment of his life. This Christian boy kept away from any sexual contact whatsoever, and you were the same even if you weren’t religious. You respected his religion, even if you didn’t entirely follow it. You both we mostly still behaved like best friends, aside from the kissing and other romantic gestures and cuddling.
In college, you both shared any free time. You both tried to get into mostly similar classes. You both were the college lovebirds that everyone would see. Unlike your guys’ classmates, you both still didn’t have sexual experience with each other. You both were lucky enough to share a dorm, sharing the bed and many other things with each other. He had a little Bible by his bed to read over if you were doing something without him. Other than a Bible, he’d read other books too, unless he had more homework to do. You had your own hobbies all the same, if it was related to the outdoors, he liked to join you. It was pretty relaxing, and kept him from obsessing with the school work.
When you both graduated college, you both got married as soon as you both could save up for it. Plenty of your relatives were happy to attend your marriage (unless your relationship with your family is fucked). You two danced and enjoyed your time in the church John planned the marriage to take place. He had no family to invite, unfortunately, only a few friends you two shared.
With the process of him becoming a priest, he had to keep you out of peoples’ business. Aside from himself trying to get you more into his religion and meeting church friends. You’d attend his specific church and drive him home if his car would break down or simply wouldn’t start. John is more than happy to ride with you, or have you ride with him. (I’m not sure how living like a priest goes, but I’m pretty sure they’re not allowed to be in romantic/sexual relationships for reasons I can’t remember).
At church, when kids have birthdays, someone would pay clowns to come over. John would call for you quickly because he has coulrophobia/a fear of clowns. If he saw the clown, he would end up unable to breathe and shaking like a cold puppy. If you were stuck at your job, you’d simply leave with no hesitation. You didn’t care what your boss would say to you later, you just hope they’ll understand when you tell them.
After a long day of him being tormented by the presence of clowns and bringing him home, you helped him to bed to hold him and gently play with his hair. This always seemed to calm him down. “…Thank you” Your beloved broke the silence. “Anytime. Now.. do you want something to eat? It’s still before noon, so I think we can have some breakfast, if you’d like.” “…Yes please” John smiles a bit, his breathing back to normal. He sat himself up then stood up with you, following you to the kitchen.
“I can make something for us. Do you want pancakes?” John thought for a moment. “Actually, may I make something? That might make me feel better” “Of course, silly” You let him take the wheel on it. “Other than the.. thing..” He avoids triggering himself “Today was okay. The kids were behaved, and the adults the same. No fighting or rude interruptions so far, and I thank the lord for that. I thank the lord for you.” He walks over to you to give you a kiss. “By the way, I’m making waffles.” John let out a little giggle, as if he was merely a boy, your boy. “I love you too, dingus” You flirted, pulling him by his collar to kiss him yourself. “Now go make your silly little waffles!” You spoke in a playful tone, and he responded with another giggle. You love this goofy boy so much.
After he made you both something to eat, you both sat just across from each other, simply enjoying each other’s company and the meal. “This is lovely, love. You gotta cook for us more!” “It felt fun to do, so I probably will cook more. It was pretty relaxing too, I think.” John admitted, seeming as he said relaxed.
“Either way, I’m happy you’re feeling better. I know fears can eat at you, and lately you’ve been having nightmares. I just want you to be happy and carefree. I don’t know what I have to do to get that freedom for you, but I’ll do whatever I must to help you, John. I love you.” After finishing your meals, you both go to clean each other’s dishes, both sharing a kiss before he has to go rest.
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polybiusplayer · 6 months
Note
i am once again thinking about ninejuice (for the first time in a whole month wow)
thats all! have a nice rest of your day
ME TOO OML!!
Oh boy I’m gonna take this opportunity to rant about them.
Nine Juice rant below, read at your own risk.
I’m thinking about them so often…. ITS LIKE!!! I can totally understand people seeing them as only platonic!! And I’ve always actually felt kinda nervous to ship them for some reason… the 17776 enjoyers haven’t been much to do shipping, especially since romance is not really the point of the story, at all. but I just really believe they have a bond that just, is a lot.
There is a level of understanding and compassion that Juice shows to Nine in his own ways, he knows exactly how to help Nine cope after the intermission, he knows what they’re thinking when their communications fuck up. (Nine was indeed cussing him out, they said “fuck you.”) He is teasing as always, but not hesitant to reassure them afterwards.
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Nine is very observant. They make note of Juices usage of grammar, how he capitalizes thing that are important to him. I can’t remember exactly which chapter that’s in, but I’m like 100% sure Nine pointed this out. Obviously, Nines name is almost always capitalized . This is a notable exception
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Has he EVER used this many exclamation points?!
I also love the way the infodump to each other. Ten by this point has heard Juices rants a billion times before, she loves him, but is sick of them! Of course he sees no problem in that. But then suddenly there’s a new listener who is intensely eager and interested in what he has to say! It feels special, because Nine never seems to get bored of it. They love to hear him talk, about anything really, but especially what he’s passionate about. -
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Which is mostly football. Football is how he processes the world. With sports and all the things that come with it he was able to come to terms with reality. He looks at it through such a unique lense in order to make sense of it all. Even his own football game is not just insane rules strung together all willy nilly, it’s truly a work of art with a deeper meaning. It’s like he’s painting with the fields, you know?
Nine understands this, and if they don’t, they WANT to. In my mind, Juices voice and rambles about lunchables or whatever start off confusing to them, but once they understand where it comes from and why and what Juice is trying to attempt with all this, they understand a lot.
Nine copes with history, they look into the past for comfort and familiarity. they feel so intensely behind, at first it started as a way to catch up and feel up to date with their friends, but then they discovered that the history of this world was just sort of a safe space for them. Juice loves to hear Nine talk about stuff even he never knew about. Nine is quite the researcher, and is always able to pull up SOMETHING. He is too, but not to this level. They share facts and information back and forth, intently listening to each other and trying to understand. Always.
Juice knows what Nines going through, it’s quite obvious with what he says here.
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They ground each other in this reality, they give each other a person to talk about football with. Someone to try and not think about things too hard with. And then when things DO get hard? And the thoughts are too much? They’ll always be there for each other to help.
An underrated aspect about Juices character is how intelligent he is. SURE, he spends a lot of time joking around, that’s just his thing!!! But he is by no means stupid, he’s a little silly, but so so much more than that. He also cares, a lot! He is lonely, he loves his friends so dearly although he doesn’t express it nearly as much as Nine.
Nine is also a lot more than their troubles. A lot of their arc has to do with coming to terms with the state of existence, but they’re also incredibly compassionate and loving. SO SO loving. They’re blindly trusting, showing no hesitation with their love for everyone. They’re observant, and also a bit of a jokerster! They got that from Juice.
I don’t know where I’m going with this, I just really like the two of them, I love their dynamic. I feel like if they could, they would hug for a real long time. Unfortunately they’re way too far apart and made of nuts and bolts. But they still love each other, nothing changes that, not in a billion years
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gals4ever · 1 month
Text
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
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I don’t know how long I’m going to leave for, may be for a few hours to a few weeks, but I just wanted to share with you guys what I’ve been going through because I know you’ll listen.
I might not ever post on here again because im gonna be honest, I only made this account to talk to someone I trusted. That OBVIOUSLY didn’t work out, and it’s okay for things to not work out sometimes, but I can’t bring myself to come back here and look at their account or the messages they once sent me because they’re so different than the ones I just saw now. I am extremely hurt by everyone involved for the things they said about me, and im gonna be honest, I still don’t understand how anything I said was wrong. “She needs to kill herself now!” And they said nothing. The person that I’ve told everything about my life to, went to great lengths just to make sure they had a way to talk to people, and showed my most vulnerable side to, said nothing. I didn’t even know they were showing what I was saying, “she’s still yappin” which is crazy to say about when im showing you how I feel. When we talked in the supposed relationship I was in, I made it my biggest priority to let them know that they could tell me how they felt, and I gave them so many outs before I got attached. I have major abandonment issues and bpd, and I know that’s not their fault or something they should worry about, but it explains why I became so attached and quick to panic when they expressed the thought of leaving me. I don’t even care anymore about them not loving me, it’s just the things that they said about me and let others say. I know they don’t owe me jack shit, but i genuinely trusted them with how i felt and that sensitive and vulnerable side of me i try to keep to myself. I haven’t felt like this in almost four years, and maybe that’s why I started to freak out? It seems like everyone’s forgetting that I warn everyone before they get close to me, BECAUSE I AM A DAMAGED INDIVIDUAL. I am in the recovery process from being physically abused, and sexually used for things that I didn’t even want to do. Worst part is? The people that were saying bad things about me were saying all these kinds of accusations that they can’t even back up.
Like what the hell? You’re saying you have ‘screen recordings of me’ doing what? You say you have so many messages from a lot of people about me, but I never talk to anyone other than the person I trusted and one other friend? This isn’t to bash the person that left me, Im not like that and I have expressed that id like to stay on good terms, it’s to bash the people that said all those awful things about me. I would’ve never known if a friend of mine didn’t show me the screenshots, and if im being honest, I didn’t even want to see them. I would’ve rather been clueless because that genuinely broke me seeing the way they let someone say something so awful about me. Even if I was mad at them, I don’t think I would EVER let someone say something that bad. Because in that moment, reading that stupid message, I did want to do it. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a while now and everyone knew that, but they didn’t think that I would see it. They didn’t think that maybe I would be able to see that they hated me so much that they’d wish id die. and that hurts. It hurts more than I can express. I’ve always tried to be a good person, ALWAYS, and even to the people I have problems with im still a big pushover and I take it in the ass like everyone else would’ve; I spend money on people who don’t deserve it just to get them to like me, which I know spending money on someone doesn’t mean you deserve jack shit, but yk.. I think that if you see someone is going out of their way to be friends with you and is trying to gift you things because they think your awesome maybe you shouldn’t say that they deserve to die. I felt so fucking sick reading that, I forgot about everything else that was going on and just centered all my attention on that one statement because i genuinely thought these people cared about me at first. I know I should’ve kept to myself like I always did, but I wanted to be like these people, I wanted to be cool and to be liked because that’s all I’ve ever longed for; I’ve wanted the feeling that someone would care about me. And it seems now that the people I trusted never even deserved to be close to me. That I deserved better. And I don’t want to seem selfish because when this first happened i genuinely thought that I was the worst person in the world because how could someone hate someone like this without a reason; but I know none of this is my fault. I know that I deserve better than to sit and wait for these people to come around and like me again that genuinely never will. I know that one day they’ll read this and get all mad and pissy, because im posting this to my tumblr as well, but i genuinely can’t care anymore about these people. Im not naming anyone out of respect for their privacy, unlike how they were with me. I hope that maybe one day, they’ll realize how fucked up what they said was. The worst part is, I still have a place in my heart for ALL of them because I can’t detach that easily. But maybe I’ll get over this sooner than I think, because im better than this. I don’t deserve to sit and wallow my life away because someone hates me. They don’t need to say sorry to me tbh, they need to say sorry to Sabine because she’s the one that had to listen to me sobbing on the phone for the last three days and tbh.. I think she’s more mad than I am 😭
This is posted from a separate account having nothing to do with tumblr, but I genuinely think you guys deserve to know what I’ve been going through and why I might not upload or draw things anymore for the time being. Im not looking for support or someone to say im in the right because frankly, I can’t give a fuck if you guys think im the crazy one. I just wanted to express myself on this platform for once 😇
I hope you all are having an amazing day and that you feel a lot much better than I do 😭
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ssreeder · 2 months
Note
Hi pook 😢 ( sorry if u don’t like the nickname) but I’ve been reading your series and I am reading Into the Fire (chapter 8) and I’m just wondering why you made Sokka give in so easily when people tell him to control himself that’s not Zuko. Because I would imagine that he would be more stubborn and more focused on what he wants instead of being caring. Even though he’s a caring and kind person I feel like being in prison would make him more selfish and less understanding of other people if than makes sense 😭
Like it just aggravates me when I see Katara try to idk really baby him and control him a bit (not mentally) it just kind of annoys me. Because even though Sokka loves his Sister I feel like he shouldn’t listen to her for real.
But that’s just me because that’s my opinion coming from someone behind has anger issues/ gets angry easily 🤷‍♀️
I love love love this series btw!!!!
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I added your other ask too so I could respond to both! Hiiii hellooooo I don’t mind nicknames it’s actually nice because then I can keep anons apart haha
as for your comment about sokka I gotta say you’re probably the first person to tell me sokka isn’t angry enough haha. Which is fine because everyone’s allowed to have their own opinions, but my thoughts on LIAB angry sokka is his intelligence is often battling his emotions. I think sokka is smart enough to know he isn’t supposed to be lashing out at people the way he is or clinging to Zuko so tightly to where they both can’t breathe. i also think he is desperate to be back to his “old self” without actually wanting to be his old self. I do think he is fighting his path to healing every step of the way but even with all the time spent in prison he is still SOKKA. He cares for people he loves his family and he knows from watching his parents growing up what a healthy relationship looks like - his codependency to zuko is probably not it. I doubt it will change much, but when people tell him ‘you need to chill’ Sokka is very much like I FUCKING KNOW BUT I HAVE NO CHILL!!! NONE! ZERO CHILL.
but I can’t imagine sokka wanting to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it. Or fighting his friends and family to isolate himself anymore than he already is. I have learned that writing a more emotionally triggering fic does stir up emotions in people and causes them to project onto the characters a bit which is fine but everyone processing trauma differently. & sokka is doing it his own way just like zuko is.
Also…. This is a fanfic and I don’t know if people wanna read sokka being a raging asshole for 50k… so some of the realism in healing gets lost to word count because unfortunately I can’t spend years and 1000k helping these boys overcome their trauma so some of it has to be rushed a little for word count / plot purposes haha.
Liiiiiiisten here pooki-anon you come yell at me anytime about liab I’ll be right here to soak up every word! Thanks for the ask I’m glad you’re enjoying the series!!
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gayerthanevertbh · 2 years
Note
HOLYY SHITT COULD YOU WRITE A SHORT OF WHATEVER SMUTTY FIC WITH NICOLE RYDER LIKE SHE GETS JEALOUS THEN TAKES OUT ANGER ON YOU BY OIKE UNDRESSING YOUR PLAYING WITH UR BOOBIESS?
God I just read your previous nat fic and when I saw a Nicole pic I thought of it so fasttt I'm sorry by the aggression thoughh -----------------------ღ-------------------------
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you made nicole jealous, insanely, in the middle of a party and wants to grope your breasts until you begged her to stop.
warnings | mild smut - 18+ MINORS DNI! mild touching, nicole ryder being jealous, pet names, and yeah...
notes | i hope this is something you wanted :D i liked this a lot
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I wasn’t doing it on purpose. Well, I might hint a lie there; I think I was. Nicole had invited many of her friends to her house in Los Angeles, where we are currently staying due to her processing divorce with Charlie. I remember how we met, I remember the first night she touched my face. Asking me, chanting me, is this wrong? I nodded but kissed her anyway. Then, it was suddenly her turn of convincing me that nothing between us was wrong. She loved to hug me every night I spent with her, she loved it whenever I was close to her mom even though she can be obnoxious–I’m just saying. I remember vividly when I accidentally dropped a glass of water onto the grass where she picked it up, willingly, and placed it near my plate. I remember when she suddenly pulled me into a deep closet and gave me a searing kiss that I could never resist.
And now, I’ve made her into a jealous, envious mess. Maybe it was because of my outfit that showed a lot of my skin, a lot of it. I was wearing a short white skirt that matched the pearls around my neck, and a silky red tank top along with it. She wore something simple, yet elegant–which I love about her. And when I turned over my shoulder, I could see her from afar where she was holding onto her glass of whiskey with a tight grip; her eyebrows furrowing when a man touches my lower back as if he knew me. And as soon as I walked back to the main room, she followed me all the way to the bedroom where I expected her to be.
“Don’t act like I didn’t see that, Y/N.”
Innocently, I turned and shrugged my shoulders. Play safe, I thought.
“I’m not following, Nick.”
She likes me calling her Nick. It was short for Nicole, and it didn’t matter what gender role the name should be. I didn’t really care much. But I liked calling her nickname because it slipped out easier with my tongue.
“He was touching you,” she said as she near herself to my body with a raging voice. “He touched you! You’re my girlfriend, Y/N. You’re–”
“We aren’t even together, we’re sleeping together.”
“But we are together!”
“Oh please,” I shrugged once more and turned around to remove my pearls since it was getting a little sensitive on my skin. As soon as I took them off, I spun around and pressed against the wall–almost yelping. She towered at me with loud breathing that came out of her mouth, muttering: “You think you’re owned by anyone, huh? No, you’re mine. Do you fucking understand me, Y/N? You’re mine.”
I do understand, I understood that more than I had in my education in school. I was going to kiss her when she suddenly rips off my top with a grunt that truly surprised me with how strong she was, and her hands were now groping hard on my boobs. I was gasping for air, curling my toes into my shoes as she kneads them like dough. Nicole grumbles and kisses my neck, but never my lips. I was trying to utter words, telling her how much I loved those hands, but nothing came out of my mouth. I was so distracted, so distraught, and so aroused by her jealousy that seeps out of her skin.
“You’re nothing but my whore,” she emphasize, looking down at me with her messed-up blonde hair that was almost covering her eyes. I can’t tell if she was drunk, because I was too. I clung my arms around her neck while she grunts out of pleasure from my breasts. “Okay? You’re too beautiful to be someone else’s. Now, be a good girl and let me use your god damn tits.”
She touches me again with a flat tongue that strikes up against my neck, all the way to my jaw. She gropes them harder, pressing them together with a low moan that erupts from her throat. I held her closer to me, trying to hump her pelvis with mine to get more of that friction. But no, god no, she wasn't giving me what I wanted. Perhaps this was my punishment, and I'm gladly taking it like a good girl I was.
"God, touch me harder."
"You don't get to tell me what to do, pretty girl," she whispers to my ear hotly and tweaks my left nipple. "Submit yourself to me, come on. Do it for me."
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tag: @mistygayz
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darkcircles4lyfe · 2 years
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Why Tiger is kind of a big deal, actually
Folks, I have a headache. I just spent the better part of my day doing research, and having even less fun than I expected while doing it. However, coming out the other end of it, I can say this: Tiger, in terms of representation of trans male characters in manga and anime, is practically an anomaly. And we should all be more aware of the weight that carries, not just because it shows how little representation we have, but also because maybe this says something about Horikoshi. Before I get into that, though, some backstory. 
Originally, I wanted to do this as quantitatively as possible, show you how much representation there is, where and when and who it comes from, regardless of how subjectively good or bad it is. Basically all I wanted to say was, “look, there isn't much.” But even I didn’t realize just how bad and messy things were going to turn out to be. I’m not going to show you my spreadsheet because it’s a fucking dumpster fire. For starters, there are a lot more instances of trans female characters, some that could be described as non-binary, genderfluid, or otherwise ambiguous, and very few trans male characters. I ended up with a list of about 20 alleged trans male characters, spanning roughly 40 years of Japanese media. (Not exhaustive, especially because not everything is available in English) Of those, some turned out to be inexplicit/vague/unclear, some were tragic, some were demeaning, some were very minor characters, and some belonged to creators and/or stories with exceptionally problematic aspects. Again I’m not gonna show you my spreadsheet because it got messy and subjective and honestly I was so frustrated I kinda lost my patience. In the end, only one survived as a manga I will definitely be seeking out for substantial, gratifying, therapeutic representation of someone like me. That one manga is Boys Run the Riot, by the way. I wish I could say more about it here, but I haven’t read it yet! Anyway, a few more did survived this filtering process excluding the fact that they’re minor characters, and Tiger was one of them. I want to reiterate how utterly abysmally tiny this pool of characters is. But I swear I still want to have some fun with this post, so let’s talk about Tiger, aka Chatora Yawara.
And what’s more fun than calling out our good buddy Mr. CC on his translating bullshit! Yeah! This all started when I was looking back at ch 72 and I realized something didn’t make sense:
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Like, what does this even mean? “Genre?” “Wrong??” I can’t even understand what this statement is referring to exactly, just that it sounds bad. Seems very much like something got lost in translation. I unfortunately can’t really do the work myself, especially without access to the original Japanese, but sometimes I like to try to triangulate with multiple translations put together. Btw though, if you have access to the Japanese versions and can/want to translate, please do reach out to me to either confirm or deny all this. For now, here is a side by side comparison of officials (blue) vs. available fanscans (yellow) for Tiger’s introduction:
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It’s subtle, but the officials get things a little more muddled. The most glaring difference is that CC has Aizawa refer to the whole hero team as “these ladies,” which sounds very bad! Idk if the original Japanese has any gendered language to justify translating it to “ladies,” but I’m guessing probably not. My interpretation of what went wrong here is that CC thought Horikoshi wanted to make Tiger being trans part of the joke, playing it for shock value, when really what was meant by “wrong gender” was more like “the only Pussycat who isn’t a woman,” and not “wrong” as in “mutilated woman who thinks she’s a man” (yes, transphobes call us that). After all, how would Deku be able to tell Tiger is trans and be shocked about it anyway? The other comments make a lot more sense with the added translator note in the fanscan as well, letting us know that the whole bit is a reference to Billy Blanks. Hence the “wrong genre.” Basically, all put together, the scene is actually just a joke about Tiger being a hard-ass buff dude instead of a cute, fun little kitty. So yeah, this is all fine. Cannot stress enough how refreshing that is after the research hell I went through today. 
Now let me get into what takes Tiger from okay to great in terms of representation. I want to underline the seemingly tiny detail that he is 31 years old and has been a part of his team for 12 years, so since they were 19. That likely means they were all friends in high school and had already been planning to work together for years. Perhaps their friendship even dates back before Tiger came out and started transitioning. I mean, imagine young Yawara happily befriending a group of girls (same bro, same) but being uneasy about the fact that the hero agency Ryuko is dreaming of starting is going to have them all themed as catgirls. Like, if he comes out, will he ruin that dream? But no, he cares enough about them and they care enough about him that it makes no difference whatsoever, and he even has fun going along with the theme too. Seriously, the fact that he has a gender-nonconforming style of hero costume is some next level shit. 
The other thing that makes him great is he’s just, there. Doing his thing. No one questions him, acts like he’s a fraud, scandalizes or misgenders him. His being trans at all is only mentioned in a quick note next to his sketch page, which is fine by me tbh. Better that than some dramatic reveal. He also doesn’t have any stereotypical traits. I mean, I guess some trans men being gym rats is kind of a stereotype, but not a bad one? It’s more of an actual thing that we can joke about. A negative portrayal I would expect might emphasize a trans man’s “womanly” body, for example, simultaneously fetishizing and mocking it. If anything the fact that Tiger’s body is very masculine suggests he was designed by someone who knows how medical transition works, and the fact that he happily participates in gender-nonconformity suggests he was designed by someone who understands the complexity and diversity of gender presentation. He’s just ya know, casually and quietly one of the most genuine representations of a trans man in manga ever.
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Horikoshi does seem to have a way of making even the most minor characters feel real and complex. But with this there’s more to it than that. Trans men fly under the radar constantly. People don’t know shit about us. They forget we even exist. No cishet man who decides on a whim to make up a random trans male character magically gets it right. So lemme just point at Tiger with every ounce of emphasis I can possibly cram into my finger, and look you in the eye with the war-hardened stare of someone who has seen just about goddamn everything: This. Is. Significant. In a world where trans men get next to zero representation, let alone decent representation, this isn’t just good, it’s suspiciously good. Like Horikoshi Knows Things type of good. I hate to go here, but I don’t know how else to articulate this... like, in my spreadsheet elimination, the only examples that fared as well or better than Tiger were written by actual queer people and/or come from stories with more major queer characters. At the very least this means that for a cishet man, Horikoshi is way more knowledgable of lqbtq+ issues than average, and at most…well, you know what I’m getting at. I will also go ahead and say that a character like Tiger could very well be a sign of Horikoshi testing the waters for other more central queer characters in the future, getting a read on his audience, editors, publisher, etc. and how they react to it.
Regardless, I’m writing this post not to speculate, but because I want y’all to be armed with the confidence to say Horikoshi is on your side, and not the side of the ignorant dudes who think bnha is their personal plaything. I’m tired of those people pissing all over this manga like it’s their turf. You know, the kind of people who tell you bnha is a shounen, which means it’s “for boys,” straight, cisgender boys, and you don’t belong here so you should shut up or go read something else. Please take this post as a reminder that you’re not delusional, you do belong here, and you're in good hands with Horikoshi, whether you’re queer yourself or just enjoy a good queer ship/headcanon. 
Anyway have a nice rest of your Pride Month everybody <3
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^also enjoy this little exchange with class A, it’s very cute
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my-reality-my-rules · 2 years
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Hi, I know you’re on hiatus so no rush, but I’ve been trying to shift for close to a year now and the one time that I did was a night that I didn’t go through any methods and routines, but I haven’t been able to get back. The problem that I have with method shifting is that I feel like I get really close to it, but then my heart rate starts to spike and I feel like I’m floating, which I’ve been told is a normal thing that happens in the process of entering your DR, but it honestly kind of freaks me out and pulls me out of it every single time. I was just wondering if you had any advice or tips on how to handle this/if there’s a way I can avoid it? I really want to shift, I just can’t get passed that :\ anyway, thank you for taking the time to read this and I wish you all the best xx
[thanks for this ask!]
first of all—holy fuck. this was sent around early june, wasn't it? HOLY FUCK THAT WAS LIKE STILL MY PRE-GRAD ERA I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK THIS LONG FOR ME TO RESPOND-
and i don't know if you still need my answer, but I'm going to do so anyway, because it's still a shifter in need 0:<
*cue me repeating Bad Dobby over and over to myself*
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I've been seeing a lot of posts on social media go around telling people to simply 'accept' the symptoms that they're having, because in a sense, it would help them focus on that instead of having their mind wander. and, well, alright—i see where it's coming from, it makes sense to a certain degree. but it doesn't make actually dealing with them easier, does it?
as a general start; have you tried altering the method? from what i know, it's a common way of dealing with the more annoying shifting symptoms. while it doesn't always exactly get rid of them, you can be able to tailor the method to your comfort and preference. symptoms like that (the increased heart rate) are common, as you've mentioned, but never forget your own priority.
one thing i recommend when making/altering a method is to simply take inspiration from more popular ones and break them down to your liking. for instance, raven gives me horrible cramps sometimes, and the complete stillness of it makes me incredibly twitchy. so, i tweaked it in something still resembling a starfish, although a bit more lopsided, with thought in my own physical satisfaction.
i don't know if i could help with the floating sensation, as for the most part, i actually don't mind getting that symptom in particular. usually, i simply try to roll with it, like I'm floating on the shores of a beach. try to liken it to something you're comfortable with, and focus on what's good instead of what's going wrong.
for the increased heart rate issue, though; i do have two suggestions: meditation, and diaphragmatic breathing.
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here's my take on that:
(1) meditation
i don't get to practice it as much as i want to these days, so the rarity of it in itself makes me treasure the times i did do it. meditation not only clears my mind, it helps me compartmentalise [that's not to say you have to do that exact same thing—I'm only mentioning it as an example]. it has the added benefit of helping me practice breathing control exercises. when i do meditate, i distance myself from most distractions (yes, that includes your phone, it doesn't hurt so much if you lay off the guided music even just for a moment). when you're left alone with the silence of your mind, you do your best to fill it in with noise. meditation helps me redirect my thought process. when a stray emotion coincides with my line of thinking, i don't immediately shove it away, i try to understand it and work with it. i suppose it's also a self-reflection in that manner. in relation to your question, however; it's an analogy for slowing down. even while shifting, most people still tend to rush into getting into their DR's—and that's not inherently a bad thing. what makes it challenging is when you trip over your own feet in your haste to actually making it there. on that note, meditation might not only help with giving you the chance to practice a way of coping with the increased heart rate, but also a way of living in the present moment.
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(2) diaphragmatic breathing
this is actually something I've learned in my naruto DR lmao. but it's incredibly helpful to me in my CR, so i wanted to share it with you. here's a quick read for you to familiarise yourself with the concept. when this was first introduced to me by one of my DR cousins, i didn't put much stock in it—by way of the fact that i didn't think I'd actually need or want it. it had been out of habit that i did it again in my CR, when i was preparing for a live class participation that i could barely prepare for. an hour before class started, i practiced the exercise, and while it didn't completely remove my anxiety, it eased me into a calmer disposition. for those who didn't want to read the article, it's basically this: you position yourself to be comfortable, then put a hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen; focus on the sensation of inhaling and exhaling, and on how it physically affects your body. personally, the actual counting doesn't really matter (the number of breaths to take and so), because i usually centre more on how I'm feeling rather than how i get to the feeling—although i suppose it's different for everyone. it's also something of an instinctual thing for me. i do this whenever i receive patrolling duty in my DR. now, how can it be related to the question asked? again, it's a breathing exercise. it, at the very least, reduces the amount of tension in your body. try incorporating it into a method, perhaps? you can lay in a position where you have your hands on your chest and diaphragm, and do the instructions at the same time that you're affirming.
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that's it for now. i might add on to this in the future (since i get a lot of messages about tips for symptoms), but for the moment, this is all i could think of. i hope it helps???
much love, and happy shifting ❤️❤️
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The Tinder Date
I've been staring at this computer screen for fucking hours. The sun has already come up and gone down. I've missed meals, forgotten to call my family, and called out of work just to stare at this one screen. And to think the one thing that's interesting to me is a Tinder profile.
"I will eat you and your soul. You will be wined and dined before, of course," it reads.
I already swiped right and messaged them for more details. I've already considered it. Realistically, what would I have to lose? Going on a date with this peculiar man doesn't seem too terrible. He's promising I'll be wined and dined before my last night alive, so what's the big issue for me? I may not be one for living, so at least my body would be of use to someone hungry.
But what if it hurts? I'd like to think I can tolerate pain, but I haven't heard many things from the victims of cannibals, just the cannibals themselves. Would I be killed first or eaten alive? I suppose it would have to be left to their preferences. I hope I'm killed first, so I get this over with and I don't have to feel the nibbling of their teeth.
And if they were to kill me, how would they? They can't poison my dessert, otherwise, they'd risk getting poisoned if they eat me. Though they can't scare me too much, or else my meat will tenderize too much for their gentle teeth. They'd have to plan this out well considering they probably don't get many willing victims.
Am I willing though? I have so many doubts and insecurities about this. Sure, I'm entertaining the idea but that's very different from looking someone in the eyes and saying 'Yes, you are allowed to kill me and then dine on my flesh like a king.' That seems difficult to say. I'm sure this is one of those things where you'll never be sure unless you try, but that usually stops at safely skydiving where there's less of a risk of dying. This requires me to be dead at some point.
And what would happen to me if I reply back asking for a date? Say I dress up and ripe my body for this stranger. I get to talk with them over the most expensive steak I can possibly imagine. And then what? Do they hold my hand and tell me sweet nothings while I helplessly hope they take care of me? I hope they do and they're not too cruel with the whole process. I'm sure they understand that I want to be handled with care.
My screen dims reminding me of my predicament filling my apartment with darkness. I sigh and wiggle my mouse to revitalize life on my laptop even though my thoughts are bleak.
"What would happen if I said yes?" I type back after 16 hours of staring at the same message.
"Meet me at 25 Cox Crow to find out at 7 pm tomorrow. Wear whatever makes you feel best and eat your greens. :)" The mysterious sender replied.
"I'll be there," I responded.
528 Words
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mitchywitchythings · 2 years
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To Risk Or Not To Risk?
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Summary: What happens when you leave a bunch of teenagers in a summer camp at an island? Not to mention that there’s something suspicious going on in that island. Chaos. Chaos is what happens.
Warnings: No Quirk AU, Cannibalism, Violence, Language, Angst?
Paring: Todoroki Shoto X Fem! Reader
Word count: 3,704 Words
Chapter 7 : What’s Life Without A Little Risk? | Series Masterlist
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Day 1 Activities for Camp
It was 3:30 in the afternoon, in the morning it was extremely wet and cold, now in the afternoon, it was so hot and dry. ‘Fuck you weather! You’re going to give me a headache with all your bullshit!’ Currently, my class is hanging out at the shooting range.
The 2 umbrella soldiers that I saw just this morning, who were guarding this area weren’t anywhere to be found. Aizawa-sensei said that they were called somewhere or something along those lines.
For some odd reason, sensei didn’t at all care whilst he watched us try to hit some of the targets with BB guns or paintball guns. Usually, he’d scold us and let us do a safer activity. The heat must be getting to him, he may be already sick.
‘Let’s just not question it. We don’t usually get to have this much fun.’ I thought to myself mischievously, watching Kaminari trying to show off to the girls how to properly use a paintball gun when in fact he didn’t even know how to properly use it himself, Iida being so uptight was currently in the process of reprimanding him.
“C’mon Iida-kun! Don’t be such a killjoy! We’re just having fun and don’t worry the gun’s safety pin is on.” I spoke in a sing-song voice, draping one arm around his shoulders.
“It is still not proper! We shouldn’t even be here! Kaminari, stop that! You’re going to take someone’s eye out!”
Pushing off my arm from his shoulders, he marched toward the blonde boy, grabbing the gun from the boy’s hand, he began to scold and reprimand him. Kaminari in turn began to protest, saying things like, I wasn’t doing anything wrong.
“Sensei! Will you please let the class know that it isn’t okay for them to be using guns!” Iida on the verge of ripping his hair out in frustration called out desperately.
Sensei from out of nowhere pulled out his favorite yellow sleeping bag and jumped into it, “Do whatever you want, just don’t bother me, be careful and don’t kill yourselves or injure your peers. I’m going to sleep.”
“See, even sensei’s fine with it!” Mina backed up Kaminari
I now sat beside Shoto, leaning against a tree, reading some manga. We weren’t that far from everyone else, but far enough that their screams could be easily tuned out. Even if it was hot, I leaned my body onto his and laid my head on his.
He didn’t seem to mind it though since he didn’t complain or anything, instead he hummed a nameless tune. Glancing at the book he was reading for a second, I became amused. Usually one would think that he reads classical literature and certainly not manga.
“Are you sure you’re alright, love?” My eyes drifted into his, my breath hitching at how intensely he was looking at me in concern.
“Y-Yeah. Of course, I’m alright, what gives you the idea that I’m not?” Looking away, I cursed myself internally for stuttering
“You have been acting strange ever since this trip, starting from the boat. If it’s about your past, I completely understand. Don’t ever feel guilty about it.” Closing his book and letting it rest on his lap, he placed his right hand over my cheek, forcing me to look at him.
Sighing defeatedly, I began to confess as there was no point in hiding my true feelings from him, “I should tell you about it, it’s important and it could affect our future. But I know that I’m not ready to tell you… I’m scared of it honestly. I’m scared… That you’ll hate me for it…”
His eyes widened slightly in surprise then reverted to his calm expression because he knew he needed to be strong for me, “Oh, love…” Pausing for a second trying to find the correct words, “Your past is in the past, we can’t do anything to change that. I accept you as you’ve accepted me and that includes all the good and bad. Whatever your past is, we’ll figure it out together like we always do. I’ll be by your side through thick and thin. So I will never hate you for your past.” He finished, his voice a bit breathy as though he, himself wasn’t sure whether his words were right or not.
Staying quiet for a while, hesitant about my next moves and words, “… Thank you, you don’t know how much I’m grateful for those words…”
In truth, I was extremely grateful of course, for his kind words. I just couldn’t find it in myself for those words to become fulfilling, satisfying, or better yet enough. My stomach dropped at this realization, my consciousness felt dirty, and guilt began to rile up in me. I knew Shoto wasn’t one with words, he had trouble communicating his feelings some- I can’t even sugar coat it.
All of the time, it’s difficult for him to open up yet he did it for me because he trusts me and it’s something I should in turn do to him as well. He opened up to me entirely whether that be me emotionally or physically. It’s sad to see myself not giving my whole self to him, well in terms of not telling him everything. I would tell him as he told me about his past, but mine is different from his and more intense per se.
“Gosh, why is this so hard...” I groaned in frustration, plopping my head on his shoulder and then nuzzling into his neck
Instead of trying to comfort me verbally, he began to wrap one hand around my waist pulling me into him, closer than before. He usually wasn't this big on PDA, so I froze up when he did this. Dang, I like it. Though like everything I like, it was short-lived as Iida had seen what happened and scolded us for having no morals, displaying any PDA in school and front of a teacher was the utmost disrespectful thing we could have done.
“Tch. Oi, shut up, sensei’s sleeping! You emergency exit sign, he’ll hear all your screaming through his noise-canceling headphones!” Bakugo was screaming at the top of his lungs, frustrated that he kept targets he was supposed to be shooting with his BB gun.
“Since when did sensei wear any noise-canceling headphones?” I questioned out loud, turning my gaze to our adviser, who surprisingly enough was wearing the said item.
“Ashido and Kaminari managed to put them on him secretly before they started shooting. I saw it.” Shoto spoke up from besdes me, interlacing our hands then bring them up to his lips so that he could kiss it.
I blushed like crazy mad at that. Even after getting together my feelings for him didn’t lessen. They only kept on growing. Guess that’s what happens when you fall in love with someone. I wonder if that was the same case for my parents. As I only remember a few memories of them, they used to be a lot, but now I can barely remember their voices or their faces.
A boisterous laugh rang through the air, “Oh, you pathetic loser! Can’t even shoot properly! This is why class-B is better than you, animals!”
“Here he comes.” Rubbing my temples in irritation, I didn’t per say hate the blonde kid, he just sort of gets on my nerves.
“Who said I can’t shoot, you copycat loser!” Bakugo sprinted in action, as well as Kirishima, Kaminari, and Sero who were trying their best to hold back the overgrown hedgehog.
“Why don’t we have a little competition to see who’s better?! I bet you're too scared to even try against us! Hah! Cowards!” He began to laugh maniacally before Kendo came in and karate chopped his neck.
“Sorry about him, he just can’t control himself.” She spoke apologetic, “But moving aside from that, what Monoma suggested about having a friendly little competition isn’t that bad. So how about it?” She raised her hand at Iida hoping he would agree.
“Bring it on, you extras! I’ll beat every one of your asses!” Bakugo, who almost broke free from the 3 boys pinned him down, yelled proudly.
Iida who finally took class-B’s offer, shook her hand respectfully, “A friendly competition should bring us all together! I say we’ll take your class on!”
“A competition? Doesn’t seem too bad don’t you think?” The dual haired boy spoke curiously
“I guess so. I mean what’s the worst it could do? Besides Bakugo accidentally shooting the bullet in Monoma’s eye of course.” I replied in uncertainty
So the game goes like this: there will be exactly 5 representatives from each class. We’ll stand in the starting point of the shooting range, working our way up to the finishing line of the shooting range with the targets all surrounding us. From there a 5 minute timer will start and then we’ll have to find random weapons on the ground to use. If you run out of time your disqualified.
The harder the target is to hit, the bigger the points are. That’s not all, there also be obstacles that will come in your way. For example they’ll be also shooting at you with either paint ball guns and/or BB guns. if you happen to get shot by them, then it automatically results in you losing. But I’m the end, to determine the winning class, whoever’s class gets to finish the game the shortest amount of time and has the most points in the end, wins
For our class, we have our main 3 boys then our very own walking bank and emergency exit sign as our representatives. I choose not to volunteer myself, for reasons I cannot reveal. Though if a certain class-B idiot would get on my nerves, I just might.
For class-B, they chose Monoma, Kendo, Tetsutetsu, Kaibara, and Awase. I didn’t really know them, except for Monoma, Kendo, and Tetsutetsu. I only knew them because they were most the only people to interact with our class.
Out of the 3, Kendo was more popular among us class-A for being nice and pretty, while Tetsutetsu was more recognized for being so much alike with Kirishima. On the other hand though with Monoma, he was infamous with our class for his trashy remarks at us.
Some we may have deserved but others weren’t really and we’re slightly offensive, good thing Kendo always saves the day by karate chopping the back of his head. God bless her soul for saving us from the demon.
“Alright now that we’ve settled on the players, let’s begin. Oh and final reminders! Our referee for this game will be our 2 camp counselors, Watanabe Ren and Yoshinda Akane. They have offered us their kind services for this game!” Iida pulled out his robot hands, speaking with a tone of authority, and admiration towards the 2 camp counselors.
It was weird besides from our class adviser, no other staff members from U.A. or even other students exempt from class-B are present. Maybe they could be hanging out in another part of the camp. It is huge after all.
Standing besides the ponytailed man, who even put Momo's weird ponytail to shame, were 2 umbrella corporation men in full uniform. They wore dark black tinted helmets. In each of their hands, they held big and very deadly guns. They were pretty intimidating to say the least. They didn’t look fit to be here, they looked like they belonged more in a battlefield.
“Alright we’ll decide which class goes first by playing rock, paper, scissors. After that we’ll alternate turns with each class. Everyone agrees on this?” The blonde camp counselor, who I seem to alway forget her name, spoke out enthusiastically.
“There are no objections from my class!” Iida's voice boomed as he raised his right hand like a robot.
“None here as well.” Kendo joined in
“Let’s begin then.” The male camp counselor finished.
In the end, Kendo won the game and they went first, while Iida sulked disappointedly behind his group of friends in ashament. They decided to go with Monoma first so that he’d shut up about how better their class is than ours.
Taking a good look at the shooting range as a whole. Although you could still consider it as an outdoor shooting range. Its setup was different from how an outdoor shooting range would usually be.
I realized it was more of a shooting range plus a mini obstacle course. There were few trees, burn barrels, tires, and large slabs of cement(that you could use for cover) scattered around the shooting range.
Everyone stood from the sidelines and observed as Monoma put on some colored jet black safety gear(like helmets, protective body suit and paddings), watching intently and in curiosity in his next moves. The camp counselors, 2 umbrella men, and Aizawa(Who was still sleeping) were at the end, waiting with a white flag and a timer.
The umbrella men were also participating in this game. Apparently from what I heard from Mina, they were to shoot at us using BB guns and if we were shot then we’d get a result of a direct loss for being deemed dead.
Seems a bit unfair if you ask me, but oh well.
“I hope you losers cry when you see how much better we are than you!” Monoma screamed at us hysterically before doing a running stance.
Damn is he trying extremely hard to get on my nerves. A clearly irked facial expression appeared on me, making Shoto who was standing besides me chuckle light in amusement. He, like everyone else, was patiently waiting for his own turn, unlike the copycat asshole.
Everyone from class-B despite not being annoyed with Monoma for being too competitive without any good sportsmanship, began to cheer words of motivation at him, “Monoma! Monoma!”
The copycat got into position and stared up at the brunette camp counselor at the front with his signature smug look. Feeling very appreciated and motivated by his classmates. The brunette man in the front, held a gun in his hand, I could tell for sure it was real just by looking at it. Raising the gun in his hand up into the air, he pulled the trigger and released the bullet.
“Bang!”
It was the signal that the timer had begun. Screams of encouragement came from class B as Monoma ran to grab a BB gun just barely managing to dodge the rain of BB bullets coming at him. He grabbed the gun and took cover behind a nearby tree.
After that I didn’t watch anymore since Shoto whispered to me that he wanted to talk to me in private for some reason. I agreed since his turn was still fourth to the last. He was giving me a bit of a hint though that he wanted to make sure that he was wearing his protective gear properly so he wouldn’t get hurt, so he needed my help. So I grabbed his gear and we walked away from the group, heading towards a nearby shed for privacy.
“I have a question, Sho. Do you know how to put this on or do you need my help?” I asked, laughing just a bit at seeing him struggle to put on the protective gear.
“I haven’t tried wearing something like this nor have I ever shot a gun.” He spoke bluntly with red cheeks.
I stood there shocked, “You shouldn’t be participating in this game then. You could get hurt, I really don’t wanna see you injured or anything!”
“I’m really sorry…” He looked like a kicked puppy so I couldn’t stay mad at him for doing something so idiotic, “I didn’t want to join but everyone seemed to look up to me, I didn’t want to lower any of their expectations of me just because I can’t shoot. Even if it is just a paintball gun or a BB gun… Midoriya also looked rather happy when I joined, I didn’t want to ruin that…” I helped him into his suit as he spoke embarrassedly
Finally getting into the suit properly, I zipped up the vest from the front, “I’m sorry for yelling, it wasn’t right of me. And you shouldn’t apologize, it wasn’t your fault…” I hugged him tightly, after a few seconds I pulled away but still held onto him by the elbows, “How about this, luckily for you. I know how to shoot a gun, why don’t I teach it to you quickly? So at least know the basics so that you’re able to still participate in the game.”
“I’d like that… Thank you, baby.” He kissed my forehead and spun me around, hugging me tightly from behind before letting me go.
Looking around the shed, there were some BB guns and some BB’s lying around. Unused but still probably working, I grabbed one and checked it out.
“Seems like this one has no physical problems. Looks like we can use this for practice. I won’t put in any ammo though, but don’t worry I’ll teach you to reload and stuff.” I spoke, taking out all of the ammo inside of the gun.
“Great, where do we begin?”
Getting behind him and grabbing his hand, I placed it onto the gun, showing him how to properly grip it and hold it. A tension built up between us through that, I did not dwell on it though.
Shoto could be easily taught once and he’d get it right after. He was really a great listener, he would look you directly in the eyes as you explained to him what the different parts were for.
Teaching him how to reload, he blushed a bit when I placed my hands over his, “That’s it, baby. Great job!” I whispered to his ear, kissing his neck passionately causing the hair at his nape to rise.
After that he got all shy, such a bummer, I was beginning to enjoy teasing him, “Shit, I know what you’re doing, stop it before you start something.” Pouting, he muttered under his breath, making me laugh.
“Fine, fine, we’ll continue this next time.” I rolled my eyes in annoyance, “Now, let’s see what left for me to teach you? Ah! Remember you just gotta aim at the target and pull the trigger. Don’t forget to make sure it isn’t in safe mode.”
“I won’t.” He replied, kissing my lips as a thanks for teaching him.
“Ah! No that won't do!” I pushed him off
“What do you mean?” He questioned, slightly panicked but mostly confused.
“I’ll only take 5 kisses as a payment for me teaching you. Now pay up.” I spoke sternly, wrapping my arms around his neck, waiting for him to lean into me for the kiss.
“Of course, my darling. I’d even give you infinite kisses if only I could.” Passionately he dipped down to my height, sealing our lips with a kiss, “One.” He spoke after pulling away only to dip down again, “Two… Three… Four… Five…” He finished kissing me and pulled away.
“Wow…” Completely starstruck
“Yeah, wow.” He chuckled in response
“L-Let’s get going shall we? Don’t w-wanna keep everyone waiting…” I stuttered, blushing madly.
He only smiled in response and grabbed my hand, leading us back to the shooting range. Hands intertwined with one another, we walked in a comfortable silence. No tension whatsoever. We reached the range sooner than I’d like to, but our timing was perfect since it was Shoto’s turn now.
We let go of our hands then he walked up to the starting line. I didn’t really wanna watch his turn for one reason only, because I didn’t wanna see him get hurt. I turned my head elsewhere from Shoto, spotting Momo in the distance. I walked up to her, who was still chatting with Jirou, well until I realized that their conversation was turning into a small argument as each second passed by. I was going to go back from where I originally stood, when Jirou called my name.
“Hey, (Y/n). Sorry to bother you.” She spoke up, while her girlfriend looked at her sternly, “If it isn’t too much to ask, could you please take Momo’s place in this stupid race. I just don't wanna see her get hurt.” She pleaded
“Uhh… Sure no problem.” I answered, unsure of the decision I made.
“(Y/n), you don't have to do this. I get that Kyoka is just looking out for me, but this was my decision.” The girl spoke earnestly
“Just because they pressured you to play the game, doesn’t mean you have to do it!” Jirou grabbed the said girl’s hand and yelled out in frustration.
Both me and Momo were completely stunned at her sudden aggression, not once had Jirou shown anger towards the girl, “... If you say so…” The girl began timidly, “Then I won’t as I respect your wishes.”
They hugged it out and passed it to me. I accepted it without any hesitation, heading off to the nearby shed me and Shoto stayed at from before. Putting on the protective gear, in all black with the umbrella corporation logo on it.
Mine was different from everybody else’s, since their suits were in a slightly dark shade of grey. I felt a rush of nostalgia and deja vu hit me hard. Memories of my past kept running throughout my mind. Making me want to cry at how horrible the feeling was.
But I couldn’t cry now, people would be suspicious of me if that ever happened. I had to be strong for me, Shoto’s, my classmates, and everyone else’s sake. I couldn’t back down now and become weak.
So finishing putting on the body suit which was notably different as well from everyone else. I put my hair in a tidy bun, placing the tinted black helmet over my head. Walking out and preparing myself for my turn.
“To risk or not to risk? That is the question…” I wonder to myself out loud, hoping none of the people working here would recognize that it would be me playing.
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