#I'm also sorry this is such a long ramble

[daiziesssart]

a humiliatingly long character analysis of lily evans

Someone sent me an ask that briefly mentioned how misunderstood Lily is, and before I knew it I was typing out this monster. I am. sorry. This is literally just me rambling about her, what I find compelling about her character, and why her character is so often misunderstood.

This is long as hell so I'm putting it under a read more lolol

Part of the reason I like Lily so much (other than my being ginger and projecting onto any redheaded female character I see) is that even though she isn’t explored as much as her other Marauders Era counterparts, we know enough about her to start building the framework for her character. And what I see is a girl who was incredibly interesting, kind, and flawed.

One thing I always think about in regards to Lily is that she was dealt with a pretty unfair hand. As soon as she receives her letter, she’s basically torn between two worlds, both of which have been less than welcome to her. On one hand, we have the muggle world that she’s known all her life, but once she starts integrating into the wizarding world, she likely feels a bit of a disconnect with that world. To twist the knife further, her sister- whom she loved dearly and grew up so close with- starts outwardly resenting her with such unbridled hostility that they likely couldn’t even be in a room alone together without major conflict. 

On the other hand, we have the wizarding world– a world she’s not as familiar with and one she soon learns holds a demographic of people who hate everything she is and would rather see her excommunicated or even dead. And even though finding out you’re a witch/wizard is probably such an exciting and life-changing moment, I can’t help but also take note of the difficulties, especially if you’re the only one in your family with magic. You’re essentially uprooted from the only way of life you’ve known at an already complicated age, and now you have to quickly become acclimated to this new world that you only just found out existed. Not only that, but now you’re suddenly attending a school with classes that are primarily focused on this world of magic (which is still brand new to you), and you have to work extra hard to play catch up in order to do well. Like, that all seems like… a lot for a kid to handle.

And then I remember how young she was when she was thrown into that mess. She was only 11, and kids that age desperately crave any sense of belonging. I mean, that’s something that still holds true for adults, but it’s especially critical for a developing child. So imagine Lily, ages 11-15, struggling to stay afloat in this weird purgatory between these two parts of herself, both of which have been the cause for major and traumatic experiences relating to rejection in her life.

(I say it was the “cause” even though it’s obvious that those things were never her fault at all, but when you’re a young kid navigating the world, the only thing you’re able to process is that the common denominator is you, therefore you’re the one who must shoulder the blame.)

So now we have this tween-teenaged girl who has a dysfunctional relationship with two major parts of identity and probably feels absolutely lost. 

This is why her hesitancy to end her friendship with Snape makes sense to me. Even though by fifth year he’s already well past toeing the line with the dark arts, Lily was willing to overlook some pretty egregious and troubling things in order to maintain the relationship. I kind of interpret that as her way of desperately clinging on to any sense of belonging she has left; her relationship with Petunia has already been poisoned, and now there are people who resent her existence as a witch; if she loses Severus too, what and who else does she have? And what tone does that set for her, if everyone and everything she’s come to hold close to her ends up turning her away?

It’s also important to note that not only is Severus one of her few remaining connections to the muggle world, but he’s also a wizard who grew up in the muggle world; he understands her, and I don’t doubt that he gave her some stability at times when she needed it (her finding out about her being a witch, her having trouble acclimating to the wizarding world, etc).

I see this as being one of her flaws and I can actually appreciate how relatable and realistic it feels. Lily is not a bad person; on the contrary, you’d be hard pressed to find anyone to describe her as such. Not to get all clinical and boring, but the interesting thing about (unhealthy) coping mechanisms is that it can actually be really hard to identify them in your own behavior. Unless you’re in therapy and/or are actively psychoanalyzing yourself, you likely don’t even realize how many of your common behaviors are born from self defense mechanisms put in place by your brain after past events.

To me, it makes sense why she avoided actually confronting the idea that Snape was too far gone. We know that she was aware of the path Severus was taking, but it almost seems like she was still convinced that she could save him, and could possibly steer him back in the right direction. It’s only when she becomes the target of his bigotry that she realizes that the Snape who called her a ‘mudblood’ was not the same Severus who was the one who held her hand and introduced her to this new, exciting world.

In a general sense, yes, it is selfish, to only take a stand when something starts affecting you personally. But I also think it’s important to note that it’s unlikely that this was a conscious decision on Lily’s part. In my eyes, it was easier to delude herself into thinking she still had a chance to save him before it was too late when she was able to separate him from his actions (considering, a lot of the time, she was only hearing about them after the fact, rather than seeing them firsthand). But the elusion is shattered once she sees that the Snape she grew up with– her friend, Severus– is, in fact, the same person who’s out there calling other students slurs, dismissing the malicious use of Dark Magic on others as just “a laugh”. There we see a Lily who is actually revealed to have been somewhat aware of Snape’s involvement with the darker side of magic, and genuinely feels pretty ashamed about her inaction.

Also, this is in no way me being a Snape-anti, and I actually could do an entire separate analysis on his character alone and why I find him so interesting.

Anyways, that moment in SWM is probably somewhat of an epiphany to her. It’s like a dam that’s been broken, and now she’s overwhelmed with the realization of exactly how much she overlooked in order to keep their friendship afloat. And for someone like Lily Evans, someone whom we know is opinionated and unafraid to call others out on their bullshit, that can be hard to swallow and feel pretty mortifying and shameful. And I think this was a huge turning point for her- at that point, she doesn’t have the luxury of avoiding uncomfortable truths anymore and now that she’s getting closer to graduating and being thrown out into the world on the brink of war, this was probably a really sobering discovery.

This is where we don’t have as much info to go off of, and a lot of it is up to interpretation. But we actually have little crumbs to go off of following her graduation and leading up to her death.

One of my favorite little tidbits isn’t in the books, and @seriousbrat's post reminded me about it. Here's the actual entry on Pottermore for anyone who's interested, but I'll summarize: after James and Lily began dating, Lily brings James to meet newly engaged Petunia and Vernon. Everything goes downhill, because Vernon is a smarmy asshole, and James is still pretty immature and can’t help but mess with him (which… fair, I guess). Petunia and Vernon storm out after Petunia letting Lily know that she had no intentions of having her as a bridesmaid, which causes Lily to break down into tears. I mention this because I also think it’s a pretty important aspect of her character; like we’ve seen in her past friendship with Snape, Lily seems more than willing to forgive others most of the time. Petunia is a bit of a complicated character herself, but she was objectively very cruel and unfair to Lily once it became obvious that she was a witch and Petunia was not.

Something that always stands out to me is just how desperate Lily is to earn Petunia’s trust and approval again. Even up until her death, she was more than willing to mend the relationship, were Petunia ever to consider. 

This is a detail about Lily that I feel is misunderstood quite a bit. I’ve seen a lot of instances of her character being reduced to a one-dimensional archetype with little to no complexity. And often, that archetype is “know-it-all, prudish, self righteous bookworm who is also a goody two-shoes with a stick up her ass”. What annoys me is that the reason for this is most definitely the scene in which she blows up at James in SWM for bullying Snape, and hurls quite a few insults at him directly after an extremely devastating and overwhelming situation for her. This frustrates me because we know for a fact that she’s the polar opposite of this archetype I’ve seen her reduced to. 

In actuality, she’s referred to as popular, charming, witty, bright and kind. From flashbacks we also are shown that she’s opinionated, bold, and not afraid to challenge others. With other context, like her interpersonal relationships, we can also see that she’s pretty emotionally driven and wears her heart on her sleeve. 

(I know Remus didn’t mention Lily much in the books, but I really love how he described her in the movies. He tells Harry that the first thing he noticed about him was not his striking resemblance to his father, but his eyes, the same eyes Lily had. He also calls her a “singularly gifted witch” and an “uncommonly kind woman”.

“She had a way of seeing the beauty in others, even and perhaps most especially, when that person could not see it in themselves.”

I know there are mixed feelings on whether or not the films count as canon source material, so take it with a grain of salt, but I personally cannot see a world in which Lily and Remus didn’t become close friends.)

Here we have a direct description of what she was like and who she was, corroborated by recounting of memories of her, and yet for some reason, this feels like the thing that is most commonly lost in translation.

I don’t think I can say why I think that is without mentioning the dreaded M word (misogyny- it’s misogyny), but I also don’t want to get too off topic so I’ll be brief: female characters are typically not given the same grace as male characters. When we have an undeveloped male character, he’s awarded the assumption that despite his lack of depth, there still exists a complex and multifaceted character– it’s merely just potential that hasn’t been tapped into. Whereas when we have underdeveloped female characters, they are taken at face value, meaning that not much exists beyond the little information we have of them. They are not presumed to have a life or a story that exists beyond the surface of what we know like male characters are. That’s why I think characters like Regulus, Evan, or Barty (just to name a few) are more popular than Lily, despite being less developed than she is.

(Before anyone gets defensive, no, I don’t think it’s an individual problem that you alone need to be shamed for. I think it’s the result of a deeper issue regarding misogyny in media as a concept; these are things that we’ve all unknowingly internalized and while it’s not our fault, we still have to do the work to deconstruct those learned prejudices.)

What I find really cool about her character is that despite how much she’s been hurt, she’s also still known as one of the most loving, kind, and considerate characters. There were so many times in her life where the love she received was conditional and ripped away from her– and I think that’s what makes her sacrifice even more poignant. She was able to protect her infant son from an extremely powerful dark wizard, wand-less, knowing that her husband was just murdered in cold blood, just from how much love she felt for Harry. Her love was a force of nature on its own, and I just think that’s such an amazing thing about her. 

I know I’m biased, given that she’s one of my favorite characters, but even upon delving into this, I still just find it so incredibly hard to understand how anyone can actively hate her (not indifference, but actual dislike). In my opinion (again, no one is unbiased, and she is a favorite character of mine, but trust me when I say that I’m trying to be objective as possible when I say this), she’s probably one of the most likable characters of the Marauders Era. I think perhaps a lot of people haven’t given her a chance or really taken the time to learn about her character, but it could be a myriad of other reasons that I’ll never understand. 

There's so much more I could say but this is long enough and I will stop myself

Lily Evans, u will always be famous to me

#lily evans #character analysis #harry potter #i am a little embarrassed that i got so invested in this. i hope at least one person enjoys this insane essay that no one asked for

[abstractnaturaldisaster]

is it over now? (was it over then?)

part four

part five: i was hoping you'd be there

Robin managed to keep her shit together for approximately ten minutes after she stopped watching Steve make his way through security and into the depths of the airport. In the ride back to Steve's place, her leg was shaking so much Nancy discreetly grabbed Robin's pinky and held it in the back of the car.

The rest of the trafficky route back to Steve's all Robin could think about was how to fix things. She knew Steve didn't tell her about Eddie so she could fix things and Steve didn't run off to Italy to hide from everything but the situation still bothered Robin. She hadn't known Eddie for a terribly long time but he made her dingus happy so she held him in relatively high regard. It didn't make sense for him to just cut tail and run without leaving some sort of door open for a resolution and Robin was going to her darndest to figure out how on earth she could find that crack.

When they got back to Steve's apartment, Nancy didn't let Robin go long without asking for an explanation.

"Robs, babe, what is going on?" Nancy asked.

"I need to figure out how to solve Steve and Eddie." Robin answered.

"I don't think Steve wants you too. He seemed pretty resolved to close that chapter." Nancy urged.

"I know what he said but that's not what he wants. Also Eddie is a huge dummy if he doesn't realize how good he had it with Steve and also that Steve would never cheat on anyone. Especially not after y'all's whole thing. No offense." Robin continued.

"Okay so we aren't letting this go. What's the plan?" Nancy asked.

"Thanks for your support, love. I just can't figure out why Eddie jumped to the conclusion that you and Steve were together again. I mean no offense but like that ship very publicly sailed," Robin said.

"I'm trying really hard not to take offense but the more often you say it the more I am having trouble not being offended," Nancy snarked.

"Sorry, dingus wormed his way into my little heart long before you so I still gotta give you shit over soulmate solidarity. But back to the matter at hand. Eddie only assumed you would only be visiting Steve if you were trying to get back together when really you were coming to see little old me. So what if I came out. Like what if we came out? And shared some of the pictures from like super early on and thanked Steve for being a great friend for many years when I wasn't ready to take that step," Robin knew she was rambling but, hell, she was on a roll.

"Are you ready for that? I'm happy to take your lead on all this. It's not like we haven't already told everyone who is actually important to us. I mostly write freelance nowadays anyways so there isn't really some big bag corporate overlord I need to worry about. You know Steve doesn't need you to do this? It's one thing if you're ready to come out on your own, it's a whole different thing to do it for someone else," Nancy counseled.

"I really think I'm ready. I'm sick of Steve feeling like he needs to come to everything with me and you're stateside a lot more often and I'd love to go out on dates without the next day having like a million articles speculate if you're trying to move in on Steve. I think it's time," Robin rationalized.

"All right, then. We're doing this. Should we use this as an excuse to make Jon take cute couple pictures of us?" Nancy giggled a little at her suggestion.

"Yes! Perfect. Get him over here. Operation Save Dingus from his Self Sacrifice is a go!" Robin jumped up on the couch to make her point and Nancy immediately had to come to her aid as she wobbled enough to lose her balance.

Robin was excited. She was ready for the next step with Nancy and if it helped Steve get out of his own head and/or convinced a certain metalhead with very few remaining braincells to get his head out of his ass then so be it. Robin couldn't wait to think of all the sappy shit Nancy would pretend to be annoyed at she'd be able to do now. Steve would be back in a few weeks so Robin anxiously awaited Jon's response and started several caption ideas in her notes app.

@lololol-1234 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @zombiethingy @grtwdsmwhr @dreamercec @anne-bennett-cosplayer @strawberryyyenthusiast @mensch-anthropos-human @kal-ology @ttyrussss @kristmkris @starman-jpg @wonderland-girl143-blog @child-of-cthulhu @legalmenace87 (if you wanna be tagged in future parts feel free to comment! happy to add people)

it's not quite fixed yet but we are getting so close!!!

#steve x eddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie fic #steddie #don't worry robin will fix it #angst #angst with a happy ending #rockstar eddie #actor steve #was it over then ficlet

[musings-of-a-rose]

Jump Then Fall - Chapter 4

Pairing: Javier Peña x ofc “Vanessa Morales”

Word Count: 5000

Rating: M for mature - 18+ only!

Warnings: Please be aware there is an 11 year age gap. Mature themes and some canon mentioned. Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story.

Notes: Well, we've finally reached the end! I'm so sorry this took forever to get out. I really do love these 2 and would welcome any asks about them! When the story starts, Vanessa is 19 and Javier is 30 but in this part, Javier is 36 and Vanessa is 25.

**Shoutout to @vanemando15 for listening and bouncing ideas from me, and for her guidance with being a Latina herself. Without her, this wouldn’t even be a thing, just another line on my WIP spreadsheet. And also to my husband, who is also Latino and answered any questions I had (along with taking me to Colombia back in 2014). And to @wyn-n-tonic, who listened to my rambles and insecurities about writing an oc in first person.

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

--If you like this, please let the algorithm know by reblogging! This way it can be shared with multiple people (it's how it works here. I don't make the rules!)

❤If you enjoy the fic, please consider giving me a warm beverage! (It is not required in any way!)

Jump Then Fall Masterlist

General Masterlist

Javier Peña Masterlist

<<Chapter 3<<

I don't see him until lunch the next day as he and Chucho had run into town for a few things. They both come in with some grocery bags and set them on the counter.

"They were out of broccoli so I got green beans. Will that work?" Chucho asks as he hands me a bag of fresh cut green beans.

I take them with a smirk. "Why do I get the feeling they weren't out and you just didn't want to eat the broccoli?"

"She's got you there, pops." Javier chuckles as Chucho punches his arm.

"Pendejo."

"Alright, alright. Get cleaned up and I'll make you both some lunch. Extra broccoli for you, old man."

Chucho hides a smile, grumbling as he heads upstairs to his bathroom. Javier stays in the kitchen with me, helping to unload the bags.

"New relaxation thing?" I raise my eyebrows at him.

"What?"

I gesture towards his mouth. "The chewing gum."

"Oh. Nope. Giving up the other one. I'm trying the Nicorette thing."

I close the refrigerator door and look at him. "Really?"

He shrugs. "It's a nasty habit, or so I'm told."

I turn away from him quickly, trying to hide the warmth creeping up at face at his use of my words.

"Well that person must be very smart to say that."

"I think so."

-------

I don't find the time to tell him the next day. Or the next. Or the next. Despite having a lot of chances to. Javier always finds his way to me around the house, chatting and asking me questions. I try to ask him some too, but his eyes grow dark and distant and he shuts in on himself, no doubt recalling the horrors of his time pursuing Escobar. I stop asking.

"Vanessa! We have to go or we'll be late to Danny's wedding!" Chucho yells up the stairs at me, just as I'm putting on my mascara.

"I'll be right down!" I take one last look at myself in the mirror, smoothing down my dress. It was bold, for me anyway. Spaghetti straps and a form fitting dress that stops just above my knee, a lacy slip over top of it all that's long sleeved. It's a dark green color, always one of my favorites. I'm not sure it's entirely wedding appropriate, but it's the only thing that I liked that fit me decent enough. My hair is down and loosely curled and I turn my head back and forth to make sure the bounce had stayed.

I grab my clutch and head downstairs. Chucho stands at the foot of the stairs, smiling at me.

"You look beautiful, Vanessa."

"You're just saying that so I won't make broccoli next week."

He chuckles and gives me a hug. "You caught me. Oh, when's Alex back?"

"Next week."

"Pops, we have to get going or we'll..." Javier comes walking back inside the front door, red flannel shirt tucked into tight jeans that hug his body in all the right ways. He stares at me, his eyes moving up and down my body until Chucho elbows him in the stomach.

"Fuck! You uh..you look uh nice, Vanessa."

"Nice?" Chucho says, chuckling in disbelief. "I thought you knew how to talk to women." He heads out the door, leaving Javier and I standing in the entry.

"You look really..handsome." I manage to choke out at Javier. "Now come on. Your dad will kill us if we're late."

I move to hop in the truck and then realize the stick shift will need to be right between my legs if I wanted to ride in the front.

"I'll get in the back," Javier speaks into my ear.

"No you won't. The bed is dirty and I will not have my son walking into church covered in-"

Javier puts his hands up. "Ok, ok. We'll figure it out."

I get in, taking Javier's offered hand to help me up into the cab. I slide across the bench, looking down at the gear shift as Javier slides in next to me. I try to move my legs but there's nowhere for them to move to.

"Tuck them next to my leg." I look up at Javier, the closest I've been to him since that night.

"Are you s-sure?"

"Yeah. I won't bite." I swear he mumbles "Unless you want me to" under his breath but maybe I'm projecting.

We make it to the church on time. Well, early actually as Chucho wanted "a good seat." We get out of the truck and to my surprise, Javier offers me his arm again. I take it, using him to help me out of the cab, smoothing down my dress when I finally plant my feet on the ground. But he doesn't let go, doesn't drop my arm, letting me choose if I wanted to hold onto him or not. I link my arm further in his, noting the small smile he's fighting to contain on his face.

I am very glad I chose to hold onto him. Not just because his touch is electrifying my body, but because the ground in the dirt parking lot is very uneven, the last rainstorm having put in several large potholes and what feels like millions of smaller ones. Javier saved me from falling right in the mud more than a few times. When we finally make it to the pavement, he still doesn't drop my arm, looking down at me with raised eyebrows, silently asking me what I'd like to do.

"Oh no. I'm attached now. If you let me go, I'll fall on my butt I know it."

He chuckles and covers my hand with his large one, engulfing mine. "I got you, baby."

We say our hello's to everyone as we enter and I feel Javier tense next to me at the amount of attention he's starting to receive. Many people wanting to shake his hand and tell them how proud they are of him, that he's a hero. He smiles, although it doesn't reach his eyes, and thanks them, shaking their hands with his free one. This happens several times on our way to the pew Chucho wanted and after the third time, I place my free hand over his, giving it a light squeeze. I can feel him relax into me slightly as the man in front of us thanks him yet again. But as the next person approaches, I cut them off.

"Juan, it's so nice to see you, but we need to sit. These shoes weren't made for real feet," I chuckle and nod my head towards my feet. "I swear if Javier weren't escorting me I'd be taking these things off or fallen on my rear end by now."

"Oh! Yeah go sit. See you later, Javs!"

We finally make it to our row and Javier gestures for me to go ahead. I make my way in, sitting down as Javier slides in next to me.

"Hey, thanks." He speaks quietly so only I can hear him.

"Yeah of course. Anytime."

Shortly after, the ceremony starts and Javier places his arm across the pew behind me and I will myself to not blush and just pretend like I'm focusing on the sermon, the priest now saying something about love and devotion in marriage or..something. I have no clue as I feel Javier stretch a little and slide a little closer to me in the pew, our hips almost touching.

The reception was beautiful, music starting up a bit later while everyone was eating. We finish eating and Javier turns to me, mischief in his eyes.

"Dance with me?" His hand is outstretched towards me and I take it without hesitation.

"Do you know how?" I ask as he pulls me to my feet.

"Do you?"

"Fair question."

He escorts me onto the dance floor, placing his hand confidently on my hip, the other taking my hand. The music starts and he spins us around, our feet moving together to the beat. His eyes are on me and mine on his, the air between us igniting with something that we felt 6 years ago.

That realization jolts me back to the present and I move my head next to his, looking over his shoulder. I really need to tell him. I catch sight of a blonde woman, about Javier's age, giving me a really nasty look. But then the songs ends and Javier pulls back.

"Thirsty?"

"Yeah."

We head back to the table and sit, several more people coming up to shake Javier's hand and tell him how proud they were, that he's a hero, all of it. I can see that far away look in his eyes, like he's here but not here. His eyes lock on something across the room and he leans towards Chucho and me.

"I'll be right back."

I watch him walk across the room towards the blonde woman who had given me such a nasty look earlier.

"Who is that?" I lean over to Chucho, nodding towards them. He glances up before looking back down at his plate of food.

"Lorraine. His ex."

"Oh. They serious?"

He takes a bite of his food and chews. "They were. But that was maybe 10 years ago?"

"Hhm.. how serious?"

"Well, they were going to get married."

"Oh."

Chucho looks at me and leans in. "He left her though. The day of."

"The day of...the wedding??"

"Not one of his best moments. But he was young and scared. And stupid."

I look over at them, a man now walking up to them and putting his arm around Lorraine.

"Well she seems to have done alright."

"Yeah. Married some banker or real estate guy or something. Seems happy. Couple of kids."

"Should you have told me this?"

Chucho gestures around at the room. "Everyone here was there that day. They all know. It's not a secret."

I nod, turning to look back at them when I see Javier turn, his hand doing that thing where it opens and closes, his bottom lip worrying slightly into his teeth. He stops a few steps away from Lorraine and looks back, watching as she picks up her kids and animatedly talks to them. When he turns back around, his face is full of regret and want, but I don't know if it's about her or the kids, his almost family. He walks through the room and out the back door.

"I'll be right back."

I get up and cross the room, heading out the door Javier did. I look around and see him sitting on a bench under a tree several feet out from the reception room. He pulls out some gum from his pocket and stuffs it in his mouth, his jaw chewing furiously. I walk up to him and he looks up at me, his eyes sad.

"Can I sit?" I ask, gesturing to the space next to him on the bench. He nods at the space, leaning back to put his arm across the back of the bench behind me.

"Thank you," I say to him after several moments.

He looks at me. "For what?"

"For...everything. I know you must have had to do some things you aren't proud of in order to catch a very bad man. I can't imagine how that must weigh on you, make you feel like you don't deserve praise. But you worked so hard and they took that ending away from you which was, excuse my language, very fucked up of them and you didn't deserve that no matter what you did, and I just....thank you."

His eyes bore into mine, shifting emotions behind them. Anger, regret, fear, disappointment in himself, disbelief, but then something else. Something softer as he focuses on me. His hand comes up to cup my face and I lean into it, loving the feel of his calloused hands on my skin. He leans in towards me, his eyes shifting down to my lips, his breath fanning out over my face.

"Wait. I have to tell you something, Javier."

"Can you tell me after we make out?"

Can I? No. No, Vanessa.

"I really think I need to tell you first."

He pulls back and it looks like it costs him a ton of effort, just like it did me to tell him to stop. He puts his hand on his lap and watches me, waiting for me to continue.

"Do you remember when I told you that Alex's dad had important things to do? And you thought he was giving me a line?"

He nods. "Yeah..."

"What if...what if that were you?"

He furrows his eyebrows together, confused. "If what were me?"

"If you had gone off to Colombia or were going off and you found out you'd gotten some girl pregnant?"

"I would have come home or not gone."

"Yeah, but wouldn't you resent them just a little for robbing you of this opportunity?"

He scoffs. "They would've saved me a lot of shit."

"You know that now. But then?"

He thinks for a moment. "I don't know. I can't say I wouldn't have been disappointed."

"Don't you think your kid would pick up on that?"

"I...I don't know. I didn't consider....Vanessa?"

I swallow down the tears that are fighting to escape my body. "Yeah?"

"How old is Alex?"

I take a deep breath and look him in the eyes. "6."

It takes him a few moments, probably doing the math in his head. But then his eyes widen and he pulls his arm from around me, scooting back a little.

"6?"

"Yeah."

He shifts on the bench. "Is he...who's his dad?"

I can't help the one tear that falls from my eyes. "Y-you are."

He looks at me before abruptly standing, pacing back and forth, his hand on his hip and the other pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I'm his dad? Me? Are you sure?"

"I've only ever been with you."

He scoffs. "It's been 6 years, Vanessa. You haven't fucked anyone in 6 years?" He stops to look at me and sees the truth in my face.

"I've gone on some dates, but nothing ever happened."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"I can only tell you the truth, I can't make you believe it."

He laughs angrily, finally stopping in front of me, glaring down at me.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me?"

"I-"

"Did you not think I deserved to know?"

"I-I-"

"I would have stayed for you! I-"

I stand up and he backs up a couple steps. "That's exactly why!"

"What?"

"You would've hated us if you stayed. You would've resented it. You just said you'd be disappointed. You don't think we wouldn't have picked up on that?"

"You didn't give me a fucking choice, Vanessa! Does he even know me?"

"He doesn't know who you are. I told him you were a superhero, fighting a really bad man in another country. And that you'd come back when he was caught."

Javier hesitates a moment. "You never gave me a choice! I lost all of that time. I lost...FUCK! I can't even look at you!" He turns and walks away, past the parking lot and into the street, heading towards town.

I call after him but it's no use. I collapse onto the bench, my head in my hands, finally letting the tears out that I'd been holding back for so long.

-------

The next morning, I set at the kitchen island, a mug of hot coffee clutched between my cold hands as I wait for Javier. I hear the sounds of someone moving down the stairs and I sit up straighter, but Chucho enters the kitchen. I feel my face fall as he looks at me.

"I know I'm not a looker but-"

"Sorry, Chucho. I was expecting.." my voice trails off and he cocks his head.

"Javi? He left."

I sit bolt upright. "Left?"

Chucho pours himself a mug of coffee. "Yeah for Cali. Didn't he tell you? He was going to tell you last night that he was heading back. It was sort of a secret but I told him you'd probably notice if you were no longer sharing a bathroom."

I feel the blood drain from my face. "He's gone?"

Chucho turns, mug in hand and scans my face. "Yeah. I thought he told you? When neither of you returned to the reception, I assumed...well, I thought he'd tell you before he..."

Tears fall wet and hard from my already puffy face. Chucho looks alarmed but sets his mug down and pulls me to him, letting me soak his shirt as he makes calming sounds at me.

"I told him, Chucho. I told him about Alex," My speech is muffled but he hears it all the same.

"What happened?"

I tell him the entire conversation, how Javier just stormed off and how I expected to see him this morning, to apologize and tell him he doesn't have to be involved, that I can move out to make it easier. Chucho waves me off with that last one. "I would never make you move out. Javi doesn't cook nearly as good as you."

I give him a small smile, my shoulders still shaking from sobbing.

"Listen, Vanessa. I won't give you a lecture. You know my opnion and it's no use retelling you. But he knows now. Javier tends to run from things."

"So we're his latest Lorraine?"

Chucho cocks his head, thinking. "I doubt that very much. You're not Lorraine. He looks at you differently."

"Looked. I doubt he'll even want to see me again."

"Mm...let's just give him space, ok?"

"But what if he's down there another 6 years?"

"Something tells me it won't take him that long to think about things."

-------

Javier

It had been a month since Vanessa told him he has a kid. That he has a 6 year old son he knew nothing about, knew nothing about him. Except that he's a hero. Which is a lie.

The Cali Cartel had another 5 months before they would be "turning themselves in", which was a big joke. He had to catch them before the time was up so they could face actual justice and not this fake, bureaucratic bullshit.

He's tried to resort back to his old ways of dealing, burying himself in a woman. But when he tried to, he couldn't bring himself to do anything, let alone sleep with them. It was everything he could do to not pick up a cigarette, but his patience was wearing thin.

He tried not to think about Vanessa and her confession. But when the work day was over, and he went back to his penthouse the government provided, his brain would play that conversation over and over in his head. At first, he continued to remain livid, that she had denied him the choice of knowing his family, being with his kid. But then his dad's words echoed in his mind, the call coming the day he landed in Cali.

"That girl has been through hell, Javi. Don't be the asshole you claimed you wouldn't be."

"She didn't tell me I had a kid, dad. A kid! Who does that?"

"She was only thinking about you! This whole time, she was worried about your wellbeing. She didn't want you distracted or resentful, even if it cost her everything."

"What did it cost her?"

"Her parents! Her family, friends, her church. Ours welcomed her with open arms only because I was there to vouch for her. She was shunned from her entire life and still only worried about you. Don't be such a stubborn asshole."

He thought about Vanessa, so young and pregnant, trying to figure out how to tell her strict parents she was expecting despite not being married. Them kicking her out, closing her off from all of her friends and family, anyone who would support her. Her finding the strength and will to drive all the way back to Loredo to try and find him and discovering he would be away for an indefinite amount of time. What would he do in that situation? Run away from it, probably. Which she didn't have the option of doing.

He takes a swig of his drink, the ice cubes clunking against his top lip. He wants to meet his kid, Alex. Wants to tell him that the bad guy was caught and that he's back. Would he be back? It's probably good Alex doesn't know who he is, in case something happens to him here. But if he gets to go home, he knows he wants to be in his life.

What about Vanessa? Will she let him in their lives? Javier is pretty sure she will, even with the way he left. But what about her? If he's honest with himself, truly honest, when he looks past the anger, he sees her big eyes, the freckles on her cheeks, the sass she gives him in her quiet manner. And he thinks, no. He knows. He knows he loves her. He thinks she loves him. If she didn't, surely she would've told him long ago, not caring about his well being. But she had been so adamant about not telling him, wanting him to be safe.

He crosses his arms, pinching the bridge of his nose. Fuck, what was he doing? Granted he signed up to go back to Cali when they called him in, assuming that if he didn't they would throw him in prison. But honestly, he was ready to come back and actually be here when they get the bad guys. But then Vanessa came back into his life and now a kid.

Fuck, he's an idiot.

-------

Vanessa

6 months. It had been 6 months since Javier stormed out and ran away to Cali. Ok, run away was harsh as he went there for work, agreeing to it long before he knew I was here. But he hadn't called and I took that as a sign, no matter how many times Chucho said it doesn't mean anything because he doesn't call him either. He gets too caught up in his work.

It's the start of summer, the windows are open to get a cross breeze coming through the house. I do miss the ac back home, but I'll take Chucho's home over the one I grew up in any day, heat or no.

Alex got a new book and I hadn't seen him for a couple hours as he's spent them in his room, devouring the latest in his series. He did come out once, nose buried in the book, to ask me for a snack.

I finish washing his cup, setting it on the rack to dry. I stare out the little window over the sink, watching Chucho putter about between the barn and the shed, thinking about the animals and how hot it's going to get out there. I know they're used to it, but still. I'' have to get some extra ice trays at the store so I can throw some more in their water troughs. Chucho says that's why they all like me so much.

Suddenly, I hear heavy steps on the wood floor behind me, much heavier than Alex's. I spin, my hand gripping the cast iron pan that was sitting there. But when I fully turn, I nearly drop the pan.

Javier is there, standing in front of me, his chest heaving, a small bead of sweat sliding down his neck and onto his chest, which is slightly exposed by his several undone buttons in his lavender purple, button up shirt.

"Javier, I-"

"Sshh. I'm sorry."

"What?"

He takes a few steps towards me. "I never should have just left. I at least should've told you about Cali."

"No. I'm sorry. I should've told-"

He's only a couple steps from me now. "No, it's ok. I understand. You were thinking about your family. About how it would affect even me. you did what you had to do."

This was not what I expected. He reaches for the pan, still clutched in my hand. He takes it and sets it on the counter behind me, leaning close to me. He looks down at me, his hand coming up to cup my cheek and I inhale sharply at the sensation.

"You're so brave and I'm a fucking idiot."

"You have every right-"

He pulls me to him, gently pressing his lips to mine, giving me time and space to stop him. But what he doesn't know is his touch has sent me spiraling, spinning away into the sky. And when his tongue slides into my mouth, my body trembles slightly, my hand coming up to mindlessly grab onto his arm. But then he pulls back, staring into my eyes.

"I'm in love with you."

My stomach lurches, a thousand butterflies being released in my body at his words. Love? He loves me? I never thought I'd hear those words from anyone, let alone the man I've loved since I was 19. The reason none of my dates every worked out.

"And it's ok if you don't-"

"I love you too."

He smiles, a real smile that lights up even his eyes, both of his hands now cupping my face. "Really?"

"Why do you think none of those dates ever worked out? It was always you, Javi."

He kisses me more passionately now, his hand leaving my face to grip my hip, pulling me against him. I feel him through his tight jeans, pressing into me and I groan a little in his mouth.

"Fuck, you're so intoxicating. It was killing me not to kiss you."

"Mmm." Is all I can manage to say. But then I remember we're not alone, not this time.

"Do you want to meet him?"

Javier pulls his face back from mine. "He's here?"

I nod. "Yeah. Reading, upstairs."

He shifts, tugging on his pants. "Hell yeah I want to meet him. But uh, give me a sec?"

I glance down and chuckle. "Maybe I can help you with that later?"

He groans. "You aren't helping any now."

He turns and walks out the back door and I see him say hi to his dad, embracing him. Chucho watches him for a moment and then a smile appears and he claps him on the shoulder. I can only assume he's telling him he's going to meet Alex. Javier comes back inside, taking a deep breath.

"Ok, I think I'm ready."

"Alex! Can you come downstairs for a minute?"

Small feet patter across the floor upstairs and make their way down, Alex appearing in the kitchen a moment later, his book still propped open in his hand.

"Mom, I was at a really good part!"

"Alex, I have someone I want you to meet."

"Can it wait?"

I kneel down to get on his level, his eyes, so like Javier's, staring back at me, sensing the seriousness.

"Alex, meet your dad, Javier."

Slowly he turns, looking up at Javier who waves at him awkwardly. "Hey, kiddo. I uh, got the bad guy. I'm sorry it took me so long."

Alex continues to stare at him for a moment. Then he throws his precious book to the floor, running full out towards Javier, who throws his arms out at the last minute as Alex leaps into them, nearly knocking him over.

"Dad? It's really you?"

"It really is."

Alex clutches onto him, tears in both of their eyes. "I always dreamed of meeting you! This is the best day of my life!"

Javier hugs him tight, fighting back the tears that are quickly gathering in his eyes. "This is the best day of my life too, son."

-------

2 years later...

I load up the old tractor with a couple of picnic baskets, 4 large thermos full of homemade lemonade next to them. I close the back and carefully hop up, driving slowly across the property, a smile on my face. After a while, I pull up to the 3 men in my life: Chucho trying to carry wood by himself, Javi yelling at him as he runs to help him, and Alex, hammering away at a spare piece of wood. They were at the back end of the property repairing a downed section of fence. Javier sees me pull up and he rushes over, offering me his hand to help me down.

"I wish you hadn't driven this thing."

"Well if I walked, it would've been dinner by the time I brought your lunch."

"Mom! Watch me!" Alex starts hammering on a piece of wood Chucho had laid in the ground, Javier moving to help him pound it in further.

"My strong man!"

"Son, gather up the tools and put them in the box. We're taking a break for lunch."

Alex starts to look around for the tools as Javier turns back to me. He wraps his arm around me and leans in to kiss me, sliding his tongue over my bottom lip.

"Now now none of that. That made this happen," I rest my hand on my enlarged belly as Javier leans down, planting a kiss to my stomach before standing back up. He leans close to my ear.

"I plan on putting as many kids in you as you'll let me."

I slap his chest, but the thought warms me. "Let's just see how these 2 go first, yeah?"

He smiles at me, kissing me again before lifting Alex into the back of the trailer, helping me to set up the picnic lunches I had made for all of them. As we stare out at the river, a boat comes through, obviously carrying illegal items, most likely drugs. Javier stiffens, but then looks around at us.

"I'm done. I've done all I can. Now I just want to spend my life with my family."

-------

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[seventeenficsformalereader]

Falling ; Hyunjin

M/N moves to a new apartment, but soon notices that weird things start to happen, and even more weird people began to appear in the apartment building

Warnings: Bad language, mentions blood

Genre: Fluff

Probably a part 1, but idk if I will ever write a part 2 😔🫶

===============

November 13, 9:20 AM

M/N sighed as he set his luggage down on the ground and pulled out his phone. He had to check if this was the right address before opening snapchat to check the pin code to the door. M/N typed the code in the tiny silver box and it made a ping sound before the door opened for itself. M/N took his suitcase and stepped into the building. The door closed behind him and based on the sound, it locked.

M/N walked to the reception and looked around to see if there was anyone to give him the key. He had found this apartment through some random person on snapchat. M/N was in need of a new place after his ex kicked M/N out of their "shared apartment". M/N wasn't even upset anymore about it.

Anyway, M/N was now pretty happy with his life. No disgusting and toxic partner, no annoying or bossy parents, no nothing. Just himself and no one to tell him what to do anymore.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a man clearing his throat. The man has glasses with chains hanging from them. He is dressed rather fancily and he has black gloves on and some piercing eyes. M/N was pretty intimidated by his sharp eyes, but tried to not let it bother him. M/N saw a name tag on the mans clothing. 'Christopher Bang'.

"May I help you?" He asked and waved a hand in front of M/N's face to get his attention.

"Huh? Oh, yes. I need my apartments key. I was told that I could get it from you" M/N said politely and smiled softly. The man stared at him for a long time before turning to his computer "Name?" He asked "M/N L/N"

The man seemed to type something on his computer before nodding "Alright. Welcome to my building. Remember to behave well and have the best time living here" He announced as he gave the key to M/N. He thanked and took his suitcase and then left to find his apartment. He didn't have any furniture, but he was also told that it would be furnished already. M/N can just decorate on his own when he gets enough money to actually do so.

M/N found his apartment. "218" M/N said to himself and inserted the key in the keyhole. Suddenly someone grabbed M/N's arm, making him jump and drop the key accidentally "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you like that. I was on my way to go downstairs when I saw you. Are you a new neighbor? Or are you trying to rob this place? Where did you get a key? Is this an ambush? Are the aliens finally taking over the planet?? I knew it!" The man kept asking and rambling and M/N had no idea what was happening "I'm sorry, what?" M/N said and picked up the key.

"I'm Yang Jeongin" The man said and reached out his hand to shake M/N's hand. Before M/N even had the chance to shake Jeongin's hand, he had already pulled it away and began to talk at the speed of light again. M/N had no idea what he was saying so M/N just nodded along.

Jeongin began to walk away, probably downstairs as he said while talking to himself and M/N sighed in relief and opened his apartments door. He stepped in and closed the door behind him to prevent weird people like Jeongin getting in his apartment. M/N looked around and saw a tiny room that appeared to be a living room and a kitchen in the same room. M/N looked into another room and saw a small bedroom with a bed, bedside table and a closet. M/N found the bathroom and thought it looked pretty nice. M/N set his bag and suitcase down and sat on the couch. "Not bad." He thought.

M/N felt kinda hungry, but since he didn't have any food yet, he decided to set all his things down and try to find a store nearby where he could possibly get food from. He was hungry for some ramen and beef. M/N stood up and opened his suitcase. He left it open on his bed and quickly emptied his backpack that he was carrying around on his back all this time. He was planning on taking it with him so he doesn't have to carry the food he brings in his hands.

M/N took his key and left his apartment, making sure the door is locked firmly before leaving. As he walked to the elevator that he was now allowed to use due to actually living there, someone else walked in too. A man who was pretty short compared to M/N, but he looked buff. Probably goes to the gym. His height is somewhat ridiculous compared to M/N's. No doubt he could beat the shit out of M/N. "Why am I so interested in this strangers life? I have my own now. Focus, M/N" He thought to himself. The man looked at M/N.

"You're not from here, are you?" He asked and M/N got a bit straddled at the man speaking. Um, No. I'm from (choose a random place)" M/N answered quietly, hoping that this man wouldn't be as weird as the other one he met in the hallway. Jeongin, was it? Doesn't matter. "I'm Changbin" He said and shook M/N's hand in a friendly way. M/N was shocked that there was actually a normal human being in this place.

Of course this conversation didn't last long due to the elevator stopping at the second floor. "Why did it stop here? Is someone else coming here?" M/N thought. The elevator door opened and a silence fell over the whole elevator as a man stepped in. He was dressed like he would attend a traditional wedding soon. One problem, this man smelled like a corpse, and M/N had to hold his breath so he wouldn't gag, or even worse, puke from the smell. "Fucking hell" M/N thought but soon the elevator stopped at the first floor and M/N ran out the elevator as fast as possible.

November 13, 4:55 PM

M/N had finished eating his ramen and he had bought dessert from the store. He was now eating ice cream and watching TV from the small TV in the living room. M/N was caught up in a TV show so much that he didn't notice the time passing so quickly. It would soon be 5 PM and M/N hasn't even started unpacking his suitcase at all. M/N decided to turn off the TV and get to work. He stood up and went to his bedroom where he found his suitcase still open and all his clothes and some other stuff were still in place.

It took Johan an hour to unpack everything and it would take another hour for him to put the bed sheets on, organize his clothes in the closet and more stuff he has to do. M/N sighed and began to work.

~TIME SKIP~

M/N had fallen asleep at some point. He wasn't sure how or when but he found himself laying on the bed with a video playing on his phone next to him. It was some long stream where someone plays Minecraft. M/N wasn't sure who the streamer was, but he couldn't care any less than he already did. M/N yawned and looked at the time. 3:33 AM. M/N groaned in frustration, knowing that he wouldn't be able to get any sleep anymore.

He stood up and went to the kitchen and turned on the lights on the way there, not wanting to be in the darkness at this hour. M/N went to the window and was about to shut the blinds, when suddenly something caught his attention. A red haired man was seen from his window, and he was standing behind M/N. He got scared and quickly turned around, but saw nobody. M/N took a deep breath and quickly turned back around, not seeing the man in the window anymore either. M/N sighed, thinking it was his imagination.

He shut the blinds and went to the kitchen to get some water for himself, when he suddenly heard a loud noise coming from the hallway. He flinched and turned his head towards the door. He was now breathing heavier and he was more scared than ever.

M/N slowly approached the door and began to unlock it. M/N opened the door slowly, only to be met by something completely different than the place he remembered. The walls were twisted and painted with different colors, the floor was unstable and curvy and the doors were on the roof and on the walls upside down and even on the floor. M/N got scared, but decided to step out of his apartment.

November 15 8:35 AM

I haven't been sleeping nor eating. I don't what has happened. All I've been doing is stare at my hands that were covered in a red substance. I was crying, my hands shaking, my clothes dirty and stained with the red blood. My legs had given up on me, I couldn't stand even if I wanted to. I was breathing heavily and I could swear that I hear my breathing getting louder every second I take a deep breath. I looked away from my hands and at the floor. I wasn't in my apartment for sure. II looked around and saw a clock on the wall. There were no numbers on it, just a blank white clock that ticked louder and louder. I hear footsteps from behind me.

It was that same man from before. Changbin? Maybe. He stopped and stared at me. "Welcome. You are one of us now." He whispered before continuing to walk into the dark abyss. I wasn't sure what was at the other end of the long and dark hallway in font of me, but I didn't want to know. Some things are just better to remain unknown. I got up. With some power left in my body I began to walk to the other direction until I fell. I caught myself with my hands right before I hit the ground and then stood up, feeling a bit embarrassed, because the receptionist saw it. "Are you okay?" He asked, and I nodded.

The blood on my hands and clothes had vanished, but I wasn't wearing my clothes anymore. I was wearing fully white. It was a suit. I looked around and saw the same old lobby of my apartment building that I saw before when I came here in the first place.

I was thinking that I am going crazy. Until I saw the same red haired man. He was sitting still, eating an apple and just staring at me with empty eyes. I stared back, not knowing what else to do. He smiled and set his arms down and stood up, the apple falling from his hands and rolling down the stairs and stopping right in front of me.

The man began to walk down the stairs too and when I tried to back away, My back hit a wall that definitely wasn't this close to me before. I took a deep breath and got ready for anything that the man might do. But he didn't do anything bad, he just took the apple, blew on it and then ate more. He looked at me and smiled. "Are you the new one?" He asked with a hot and deep, sexy voice. I couldn't help but to nod only, my ability to speak long gone.

The man smiled and introduced himself. "My name is Hwang Hyunjin. Pleasure to meet you, M/N" He said and I was shocked. "How do you know my name?" I asked, a bit scared about the situation. "I know every little thing about you." He whispered and smiled mischievously. I felt something slip into my pocket and I reached my hand to get it. I took out a note and opened it. It said "Come to the roof tonight" And at the end of it was a winky face. I sighed and looked up, only to see the man being gone.

I was so confused. Where is the blood from earlier? Where are my keys? Where's my apartment? What is this place? Is this a dream or a reality? I didn't have answers to any of these questions and I felt frustrated by it. I looked at Christopher. The man from the reception. I walked to him "What is happening?" I yelled at him and took him by the collar. I felt an aggressive need to yell at something and he just looked like one to yell at. However, he just smiled and stood up, pushing my hands softly away "You're one of us now. You can't really explain it. You can't even begin to understand it yet." He said and smiled "Why can't I get out?" I asked and began to calm down

"You're not allowed to. He'll get mad if you try." Christopher explained and I was dumbfounded "He? Who's he?" I asked but Christopher shut down the reception and I got annoyed "What the hell".

November 15, 1.00 AM

I looked at the note that the red haired man had left me before. I looked at yhe staircase after. The staircase that would take me to the rooftop. I sigh and begin to walk up the stairs. I got to the door and sighed. I opened the door and saw the same red haired man standing at the edge. He seemed to be in his own thoughts. I decided to just look at him and not make a sound. Maybe I could get away from this. I thought that maybe I should just go until I heard him talk.

"Rude for you to not talk to me when you see me" He said and turned around. He walked to me and I looked up at him "What do you want me to do? This whole place is full of lunatics." I said annoyed and Hyunjin smiled "You've become one" He said and took my hand. "Let me show you something" Hyunjin added and began to walk at the edge of the building. I followed him and when we made it to the edge, I felt him pull me up on the railing. I got frightened and immediately tried to get down "This is dangerous!" I said and grasped his arm tightly, scared that if I let go i'll fall down. Hyunjin just chuckled and took a step forward. He didn't fall. He stayed floating. I look at Hyunjin and my eyes widen "H-How are you- w-what..." I look at Hyunjin and let out a scream as he pulled me with him. But I didn't fall either. I was floating. It felt so weird to stand without standing on anything literally.

"P-Put me down. This is so freaky" I said and tried to pull myself away from Hyunjin but he kept holding me close "You're special... You know that, right?" Hyunjin said and I looked up at him "What do you mean?" I asjed and looked up at him. That's when I saw him smiling. His smile is pretty but also kind of scary since he himself is pretty scary. I took a deep breath and looked ahead at the beautiful scenery of the city full of lights. People walking down at the ground in groups and some alone. It looked beautiful. I took in the scenery and then looked back at Hyunjin who still hasn't responded. Why am I special?

===============

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[analogwriting]

The Other Side of Paradise

Prologue: Youth

Killer x gn!reader word count: 1.1k next a/n: hey, hi, hello. I'm finally back with another long fic oh my god im sorry i took so long. i didn't really plan on being gone that long pls forgive. anyway, there's a long story of how this idea came to fruition but i don't think anyone wants to hear all that lmfao. it was born from the glass animals song 'the other side of paradise' hence the name. im probably just gonna make the chapter titles different song titles and shove in lyrics here n there like normal lmfao ill stop rambling lets gooooo

“We should form a rock band when we’re old enough.” Kid suddenly sat up from where he had been laying down, struck with a sudden and brilliant idea.

A group of kids from the neighborhood were currently laying in the grass at the park after a long day of playing - this included you.

“Oh yeah? What’s with the sudden idea?” Wire asked, also sitting up to look at Kid. He crossed his legs, tilting his head to the side. He lived across from you.

“Well, I think we’d be good at it. And it would be fun. And we could all hang out all the time!”

“We already do hang out all the time,” Heat said, sitting up as well to join in on the conversation. He also lived across from you, next to Wire.

“Yeah, but I mean when we’re adults. This will be a sure fire way to make sure we’re always together!” Kid rolled his eyes as if this was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I’m in as long as I get to marry y/n.” Killer sat up now, pulling you with him. He lived next to you.

You smiled widely. Sure, you two might have only been eleven right now, but you’ve been convinced you were going to marry this boy since you met him when you were seven. Even moreso when the two of you were sitting in the classroom at the ripe age of ten, holding hands when he officially asked you out.

“Ugh. Gross. But as long as you join my band then fine!” 

“You’re literally seven, how do you know you’re still gonna wanna be a rockstar?” You looked over at Kid who narrowed his eyes at you. “Says the one who is literally eleven and convinced they already know who they’re gonna marry.”

You guffawed at him, pouting and folding your arms. “You don’t understand, you’re too little!”

“I’m seven! I understand plenty!” He shook his head, scoffing.

“Nuh uh!”

“Uh huh!”

You felt Killer put a hand on your thigh and you groaned, folding your arms and rolling your eyes. “Whatever. You’ll understand when you meet your special someone. When you’re older.”

“You’re literally eleven, Bigs,” he said again, rolling his eyes at you. Arguing with Kid like this was frequent. He was your cousin and lived with you, after all. He had moved in a couple of years ago when an unfortunate accident happened to his parents - your aunt and uncle. He was pretty much like a little brother to you at this point; he sure was annoying like one.

“Whatever.” You huff, rolling your eyes again and standing up. You dust yourself off, stretching.

“You guys have fun in your little rockband. I’ll support from the stands.”

“Nuh uh!” You look to Kid who was standing now, confused at his sudden change of tune. “You’re gonna be in the band with us!” Just like true sibling fashion, going from arguing to begging to hang out in two seconds.

You shook your head, making a face. You folded your arms across your chest. “No. I don’t like people.”

“You’re around us all the time.”

“That’s different.”

“Maybe y/n can be our manager,” Killer chimed, trying to prevent another argument between the two of you. He slowly stood up as well, slowly holding your hand and pulling you away from Kid. Just to be safe. Things didn’t really get physical between you two, but keeping distance helped arguments stay deescalated. 

“I don’t know about all that,” you mumbled, shaking your head. Sure, it was mostly the whole getting on stage thing that made you nervous. Maybe you could be their manager. Though, people still made you nervous. You didn’t know the first thing about managing anything. You were eleven.

“Well, you have plenty of time to think about it.” Killer smiled at you and you felt your heart flutter. Sure, you were a kid, but these feelings were real. You couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. You were sure you found the love of your life and he seemed to feel the same - always content at your side. 

Besides, he’s the one that asked you out, after all.

“You’re right. We have plenty of time to think about it.” You smiled back at Killer as he reached for your hand. You took his, squeezing it softly.

“Blegh!” Kid stuck out his tongue and shook his head, causing everyone to laugh.

You looked over to your cousin. “What would you even name your band?” He seemed to mull it over for a moment before deciding. “Victoria Punk!”

You blinked, tilting your head to the side. “Like that one girl you had a crush on?”

Kid nodded, grinning widely. You remembered him mentioning he had a crush on a girl named Victoria back in his old neighborhood. He also mentioned that she had also passed, but never gave any specifics and you weren’t one to pry with things like that.

“Well, I think you have to decide that with the others. You can’t just decide it yourself.”

Kid pouted, folding his arms. “I’m the leader! I get to make the decisions!”

“Who said you were leader?”

“I did!” He huffed, glaring at you.

You rolled your eyes, placing a hand on your hip. “You can’t decide that for yourself!”

Kid looked at the others. “What do you think?”

“I don’t particularly care,” Wire said with a shrug. Heat nodded in agreement. “Being in a band sounds fun, but I don’t want the responsibility of leader.”

Killer also shrugged. “I’m just along for the ride. You know what I want.” He looked at you from the corner of his eye and smiled, making your face warm up. He was so sweet!

“Who is gonna do what?” Wire asked, standing up now. Heat followed suit and now all of you were standing.

“Well, I have to be the lead singer since I’m the leader.” Kid nodded as if agreeing with himself. “Other than that…I don’t know.”

“You have plenty of time to figure it out,” you said, using Killer’s words from earlier. He grinned at you and you giggled.

Kid groaned loudly and rolled his eyes. “You two are the worst!” He stomped off, leaving you all in fits of laughter.

next

#sorry if its structured a little weird #tryna get back into the swing of things bear with me #those funerals and visiting by bio parents took it out of me #my bio parents always wear me out frfr #one piece #one piece x reader #one piece x you #killer x reader #killer #killer one piece #massacre soldier killer #am fics #tosp

[write-it-motherfuckers]

Well, that was a much bigger shitstorm than I had been expecting.

First of all, kid's ok, they just kept him over night because he's so young and concussions are a bit more of a risk, especially given his extensive medical history. Thankfully though, he seems to be on the mend, and he should be home by the time you Darlings are seeing this post.

As for why you're seeing this post, originally I was just meant to be playing emergency babysitter until the dad finished work and got home, but unfortunately he's just as big of a piece of shit as he usually is (Why they're still together and actively having more kids I have no idea) and decided that since someone was already with the kids, then instead of rushing home like he was asked to by his wife, he was going to make the best of it and go out drinking with his friends.

Both his wife and his elderly mother in law tried to contact him, but after the third set of calls, he turned off his phone. Not once did he ask who was with his kids, or how his injured son was, all he cared about was going out and drinking. (I sincerely hope she leaves his arse soon. Holy shit)

The mum did apologise to me repeatedly, but since their only living family is her elderly mother who is by no means capable of looking after five kids under the age of seven, she really didn't have a choice but to rely on me until her or her (shitty) husband could return home. And for obvious reasons, she couldn't exactly leave a four year old in the hospital by himself.

In the end, the "dad" didn't get home until about nine am this morning, stinking of grog, and I don't feel comfortable leaving them with him. I did quickly head back and grab a charger for my phone so that I could type this up, but since the youngest ones will be waking from their after feed nap soon, and the mum is still a way's off from getting back, I'm probably not going to have time to sort through my reblogs properly.

On a small positive note though, it does look like all my stuff is back now, so I should be able to go back to posting older reblogs tomorrow. For now, I'm just going to focus on the kids and then go back and crash into my own bed.

Thank you for your understanding and patience, Darling ones. Please remember to take care of yourselves 🖤

#mod speaks #update #Given the circumstances I haven't felt comfortable sleeping while I'm here either #so I am super tired and grumpy. Which is not the best state to be in when interacting with others #I'm also sorry this is such a long ramble #but situations like this where children are involved tend to rile me up in the worst way #so unless I want to be charged with murdering this piece of shit father #I needed to do something else to vent. Thus. This post. #Sorry again Darlings #feel free to scroll past

[stressfulsloth]

Thinking about Disco Elysium and stars. Something about communal experience and simultaneous isolation, hope and idealism, fear and beauty and terror and burning. The inherent horror in the vast romantic starscape of the sky, the melancholy and loneliness inherent in the untold distance, a communal experience of something too enormous to fathom. Stars bear witness to humanity, to the millions of tiny people crawling on the face of Elysium. They watch the people, and the people watch back, and make up stories about the stars. Stars symbolise love, hope, something unreachable and unattainable.

The way that the light of the stars reaches every single being in Elysium, from human to phasmid, but no matter how far it reaches it is still a cold and distant glow, always on the verge of going out. A moral brilliance, a holy light to strive towards, something always at risk of burning out, but there's a dichotomy too. A duality between the stars as brutal unfeeling observers, moralists even, like the aerostatics flying overhead, tiny dying lights that watch impassively over every terrible thing in the world, and the flipside; stars as the burning kernels of hope, furious burning flames that parallel Harry and his golden-orange forest fire nature. Stars as the light of communism, the star-and-antlers. They're hope and dreams- a million years in the stars. Rockstars and superstars. The light of a brighter future (however short-term that future might be) coming towards them at the end of the tunnel. It makes me think of Sacred and Terrible Air and the light pollution in Vassa- ending light pollution as the world ends. "You may laugh at this, but in the evening, when the big world in the distance swells into a bloody maelstrom, families come out into the street in Vaasa and are insignificant together. Only distant explosions disturb the deep peace of the winter night, its flawless starry sky. Everyone watches, heads tilted back." The stars are a shared experience. Something that everyone watches, insignificant together, when there's nothing more that can be done. Light in the face of darkness, community in the face of inevitability. Togetherness. The stars are there in the church with the ravers. They're there watching Harry and Kim together. Insignificant together. In dark times, should the stars also go out?

#i'm collecting quotes for another thing and i just like all of these together idk #disco elysium #de rambling #my brain is so full of cotton wool rn so sorry if this is. garbled sddjjdsk #long post #i am really sorry for the incessant longposts #sacred and terrible air spoilers #pjõl spoilers #i guess? also very much oversimplifying there #i just. idk. i have feelings about that bit #it's the team ibex translation btw #stars manage to encapsulate both moralism and communism lol- inaction+distant observation versus fire and passion and feeling

[flutterflora]

Whenever I see people say things like "Pinkie Pie should've been a pegasus" or "Fluttershy fits earth pony more" I get a little frustrated because TO ME the mane six have always been a really good example of "societal expectations" VS "societal deviance" of the three pony species within equestria.

Earth ponies are almost always expected to be providers. Like the Apple family for example or the Cake family OR even the "flower trio". They provide necessities, often food or they often provide hard labour (note how "background" jobs like construction and taxi pulling are most often done by earth ponies too). Applejack is obviously a perfect example of this! She's the head of her family, she's extremely hard working, shes incredibly physically strong, she's known and relied on by most of Ponyvill. Applejack very much lives up to the expectations that pony society has of earth ponies.

Pinkie Pie on the other hand is not one bit concerned with hard work. Her whole thing is having fun and throwing parties. In a way she is also providing something very important and necessary, socialisation and relaxation, however these are generally not deemed as valuable as strenuous labour and food production. Pinkie Pie is always written off as "childish" or not taking things seriously enough. She isn't deemed as very reliable a lot of the time and has to work very hard to prove herself, more so than someone like Applejack.

Ponyvill was founded by earth pony farmers, and is densely populated by earth ponies. Earth ponies are expected to work hard and grow food and provide for everyone, their roles are incredibly necessary and their work is highly appreciated. However, without someone like Pinkie Pie who deviates from those expectations, Ponyvill would be a miserable place (as seen in the episode Magical Mystery Cure). She may not be a farmer or a construction worker but her divergence from earth pony "standards" is what keeps everything in balance.

The same can be said for Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy too. Rainbow Dash is an exceptional athlete, she flies like no other pony and she almost always has her wits about her. At the end of the day, Rainbow Dash is truly a performer at heart, she wants to be in the Wonderbolts and show off her skills to all of Equestria. Pegasi are expected to be fast, agile, eager, always cool, proud and quick witted just like the Wonderbolts, and just like Rainbow Dash. She is a peak performance pegasus.

Fluttershy is Rainbows exact opposite. She doesn't care for speed, adventure or displays of athleticism, she truly doesn't even care for flying. She is, in both a literal and metaphorical way, very "down to earth", however her role is still very important and her being a pegasus is still very integral to who she is. If it weren't for her experiences of being ostracised for being different she would never have the empathy and dedication to her animals the way she does (and on more practical note, being able to fly does aid her in her work a lot the time). Fluttershy slows down, she's quiet and she gentle which something that other pegasi (and earth ponies honestly) struggle with. It was alway right for Fluttershy to be a pegasus who could soar the skies, because if she never fell down to earth she would have never found her true calling. Without ponies like her, many important things, creatures and events would go unnoticed and unchecked.

Rarity and Twilight Sparkle is kind of a funny one because I think a lot of people may expect Twilight to be the prime example of unicorns, but that's not really true at all. Twilight, despite being our mane character, is actually the deviant one here.

This is illustrated for us almost immediately in the first episode, where she's invited to a party by three other unicorns but ditches it to go study instead. Magic is merely a tool for most unicorns, but for ponies like Twilight or Starlight, it is their whole existence, it's what they were quite literally born to do. Twilight does not value social status at all, she doesn't have time to and growing up so stuck in her studies I'm not even sure she aware that it's such a big deal to others, especially within Canterlot. It's also worth noting that to Twilight, Princess Celestia was always her teacher and Princess Cadence was her babysitter so their status as royals never really mattered to her and she's able to see them more are regular ponies for that reason also.

Most Unicorns are socialites, they value "social currency" and monetary gain more than they value magic. They don't care that the Princesses are very powerful magically, they care more about their political powers and their social status as royals. We see this clearly in the season 2 episode "Sweet and Elite" where Rarity gets swept up on the high society life of Canterlot, when she mentions being from Ponyvill to two random snobby unicorns they look down on her, yet once it's revealed that she's staying at the castle for her visit, things change, mostly notably: her status. Rarity is a prime example of a unicorn, she's stylish, she's ambitious, she's concerned with image, she's social, she has very fine tastes and she's a businesswoman.

As the series progresses we she both Twilight and Rarity gain some fame. Twilight is mostly inconvenienced and troubled by this whereas Rarity, like most unicorns would, relishes in any sort of limelight. Unicorns are expected to be professional, they're most often more modern or "ahead of the curve" than other ponies and tend they to be the primary business owners of Equestria. However without ponies like Twilight, magic would become just an afterthought. Without powerful wizards like Starswirl, dedicated students like Subburt or magic obsessed freaks (affectionate) like Twilight Sparkle, pony society would crumble.

Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Rarity are prime examples of what is expected of earth ponies, pegasi and unicorns, respectively, in Equestrian society. However without ponies like Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle there would be no balance and no progression. In fact in the episode "Hearts Warming Eve" we literally get canon lore telling us that if it wasn't for three ponies who deviated from the rules and expectations of their respective tribes, that Equestria wouldn't even exist today.

I think the mane six are a great small scale example of how pony society functions and I really appreciate this aspect of the writing <3

#mlp #my little pony #my little pony friendship is magic #mlp fim #quilly rambles #also i'm aware that in HWE smart cookie is played by AJ not ponkie but it's just a play so plz just let me have this #this has been on my mind a lot tbh #for a very long time #genuinely very sorry or any spelling errors typos or phase misuse i tried to proof read but dyslexia is still dyslexing

[a-tiny-sloth]

so peril basically spent her entire life being treated like a monster for a flaw she had no control over by everyone but scarlet, who was manipulating her into being her personal killing machine and never questioning her and then she met someone who didn't treat her like a monster, who could even touch her without dying, and of course she became obsessed with him but she was still also obsessed with scarlet because she had spent her entire life being loyal to her and believing her and even though she was aware of the abusive nature of that relationship she couldn't overcome it so easily, especially with everyone else still treating her like a monster and when she was finally able to turn her back to scarlet she was still incredibly obsessed with clay because she was still modelling relationships after the one she had with scarlet and she had never developed normal social skills due to everyone treating her like a monster and so basically peril's story is about how hard it is to overcome severly abusive relationships and form normal healthy relationships with other people after spending your entire life in one

#hi mutuals it's once again thinking about peril hours <3 #i haven't rambled to anyone about her in sooo long i needed to get this out #also there's so much going on in these books and it's been like 6 years so if that isn't really what happened then i'm sorry #peril wof #wof #noah's stuff

[kyouka-supremacy]

I think we should just bring back Wungo Wednesday and start a fandom collective anime rewatch

#Because otherwise I can feel I won't last much longer #Because like. The last two hyperfixations of mine ended the moment I started feeling like there wasn't any new content #And two days ago in one day I started a new manga a new book and rewatching a favourite show #Whereas I hadn't started anything new in the two years ever since I got into bsd. Which makes it NOT a good sign #But the bsd anime has now ended for one month and 25 days and that's the last time the plot actually moved forward. #And if I counted right. The manga took 4 chapters (that is chapters 110-111) to adapt 6 minutes #That means it's going to take another 12 months (18 minutes left to adapt. that's 12 more chapters) to catch up with the anime #Yeah I'm not. sticking around this long with nothing new to see I'm sorry #Best case scenario I take a one year hiatus but that doesn't make it sound likely that I'll be back #And I know it's fresh news as early as this morning that author said they were introducing a new character but like. #They also said they finished writing this arc like. One year and half ago if I remember correctly? #And we still have yet to see the end of i t so... #That is to say. I'll probably be starting an anime rewatch starting next Wednesday. I've been meaning to do it for a while anyway #I don't want to leave the fandom I like the one chapter a month format #On the positive news I still have a queue of original posts that spans over ten months #And I was meaning to start the reblogs queue too in these days. So there's that #random rambles

[spookygibberish]

Dogstock are typical of what are often deemed the ‘evil’ races in many other fantasy works. They were created by some higher force to be slaves, they are carnivorous by nature, they resemble animals other than human in dentition and build. They growl and bite and walk behind.

The Uhasr (a dogstock culture) are descendants of such slave-infantry that was abandoned when the empire that used them to capture the steppes decided the land wasn’t so profitable after all, and more pressing matters drew their attention elsewhere. Like tools left spent on the ground, the unneeded, excess dogstock were left to survive on their own in Hochkiskuph. The native peoples, of course, did not welcome them any more, or see them any less as oppressors when the hand released the lead. To the Hochkiskuph peoples, the Uhasr are a predatory ghost, an echo that consumes them even in absentia. To the Uhasr, one human is much like another, differing in number and equipment, but never in essence. Uhasr are a species of wild animal with a human face. Humans are prey on two legs. Humans smoke and poison uncovered dens on principle, Uhasr abduct and consume men and women and children all the same.

A common trend I have noticed in media which aims to humanize monsters, is that it often relies on passivity. Humanity is contingent upon kindness. The monster that is A Person only so long as they are a harmless thing at heart, something which can be understood and befriended. Their violence is reluctant, their hearts noble. Grace is a concession to the dominated. Only the toothless beast, declawed and pinioned and caged, is one which has earned its personhood. The ontological enemy supersedes the ontological man.

#haven't posted them much (all wips) but been thinking about the sphinxish people in my setting. same world as thrones #different part of the continent like 2 whole seas away #this is inspired by a shitty comic a friend is reading and also thinking some of the writing in the long way to a small angry planet re #hostile aliens really really sucked. #i want to talk abt this more so im posting it if you have thoughts i would like to hear themmmmm #i'm very cynical about this kind of stuff lmao #dogstock #im also reading tollkien rn so im thinking about ORCS #i dont actually like the lotr trilogy all that much but not even bc i think the writing is bad i just think its kinda boring. sorry. #thats not a very interesting reason to not like something i dont even think its not good im just not super entertained. rip #like not saying there is no issue with it at all writing wise there is very much to say abt how it is utterly and uncritically #white good black bad fair elves and dark orcs and shit like that #but i've liked things more that have bigger issues. hi pern. maybe i just like shlock! idk! #rambling. im keyed up hi #the gibberish in spookygibberish

[desultory-novice]

Kirby Characters + Poker

:guilty look: I, uh, completely and unrepentantly stole this ask from @stardustshimmer because I love card games so so very much! (Even though I myself am not all that great at them.)

Anyway, I just really wanted an excuse to write a about the Dream Team + Dream Friends various competitive poker abilities so I did. >.>

-

Kirby: Knows the basic rules but not much else. Has no poker face and plays absolutely no mind games but is blessed with amazing luck and will pull off hands that don't seem physically possible and as a result, they do decently in spite of everything. Whenever they're playing with Dedede, everyone tends to gather around to watch because without fail Dedede will lose. It's completely uncanny.

Bandanna Waddle Dee: Doesn't like to play mind games or bluff but always maintains a level head so he usually never ends up the biggest loser at the table. When he wins, it's almost always an honest win.

Meta Knight: Ostensibly has a great poker face, given his mask, but it's the rest of his body and posture that gives him away in the end. And while he always maintains his cool in the first half of the game, making wise decisions and analytical judgements about the deck, as the night goes on, he slowly begins giving away every.single.hand.

King Dedede: Competitive games are his thing! His poker face is to be SMUG CONSTANTLY. Great player who runs into problems only because it is monstrously easy to bait him. Also addicted to getting high card combos and will never settle for the "smaller" win. ("High card pair? HA! I bet I can get a straight flush!" :gets dealt nothing:)

Rick, Coo, Kine: These three are exactly your uncles / your dad's friends that you'll always find playing poker after dinner. They're very good on a casual level but generally speaking too relaxed to provide a lasting challenge for the best players. None of them has managed to take a significant lead over the other in all their years of play.

Gooey: No idea how to play. Likes the colorful cards though.

Marx: Insanely good at mind games. To the level that it's not fair. Even when you think you know all his tricks, he STILL manages to get you eating out of his hand. And that stupid, ever-constant GRIN of his! RGH! Bad loser though and if his luck runs out or if you see through his games, he'll be the first to leave the table with a "Tch."

Adeleine: Zero poker face. Smiles or blushes every time she gets a good hand. Gets nervous and bites her lip if she's got a bad hand. Like Bandee but less interested in challenging her friends. Tends to fold. Often the first out of the table unless you're playing with one of the more protective members of her found family, in which case, they will hand her a few wins just so she's not disappointed.

Ribbon: When she's playing alongside Adeleine, provides her with helpful advice and keeps her mood up. Calm, sweet, big sis vibes. If Adeleine ever has to leave the table for a game, she gets surprisingly vicious and Adeleine will come back to find her winnings doubled?!

Dark Meta Knight: Significantly worse poker face than Meta Knight. On the positive side, the fact that he only seems to have one single mood, that being aggression, means that he's got shockingly good immunity to several of the other players' mind games. Pulls out all the stops whenever Meta Knight is playing at the same table.

Daroach: No one can beat him. NO ONE CAN BEAT HIM?! They swear he's cheating. Is he? He must be! But no one's been able to prove it so far. How can he hide cards if he doesn't have any sleeves?! Also, Daroach is forbidden from dealing. His little rat hands aren't allowed to touch the deck anymore. Cards are handed TO him. Will do this infuriating thing where after the cards are dealt, he leaves his face down on the table and just taps the ones he's exchanging.

Magolor: Has a really good poker face - as long as he's somewhere comfortably in the middle. If he's at either extreme, his tells become more obvious. It's the laughter. The hand-wringing. He's a smart player, but he almost always has to rely on mind games because for some reason no one can figure out, he has the worst luck.

Taranza: Always everyone's preference for dealer when playing together. Everyone also loves playing with Taranza because you can always score a win off him as, at least once a night without fail, he will completely bungle a fairly easy play. He's just as confused as everyone else. At least he laughs it off good-naturedly!

Susie: It always takes a little extra effort to convince Susie to play with everyone as she claims to have no interest in the game, but as soon as she sits down at the table, it is on. Acts like the queen of the universe whenever she has even a slight lead on her fellow players. Not as easy to bait as Dedede, but her confidence is her undoing.

Sisters: The inverse of the animal friends, as one of them has always bankrupted the other every weekend and it's usually Zan or Flam with the empty wallet. Fran plays her cards close to her chest and gets very tight-fisted with her bets when she's ahead. Flamberge doesn't have much of a poker face but her bluffs are still hard to decipher because she gets excited about even small hands. On the off chance that Zan is actually winning, all you need to do is casually mention Hyness's name, then peek at her hand while she has her head turned.

#Kirby #Bandanna Waddle Dee #Meta Knight #King Dedede #Animal Friends #Marx Kirby #Adeleine #Ribbon Kirby #Dark Meta Knight #Daroach #Magolor #Taranza #Susie Haltmann #Three Mage Sisters #Dess Ramblings #I'm sorry for the ask steal but I hope you can see... #...this was a bit too long to drop in the comments section #Also it wasn't about who was best but everyone's skill #Also also sorry for the tag but I thought it was appropriate?

[makabray]

some postal dude gender headcanons since someone was interested hehe (i'm mostly talking about p2 here, but these could apply to any of the dudes probably)

trans postal dude is really fascinating to me cause i think he'd be quite a different character from a lot of modern trans rep. like, dude is a (relatively) older guy from from rural arizona, who was likely raised in a fairly conservative and religious household, so i think it's safe to assume that he wouldn't have access to much of the resources or terminology that we have now. growing up, he might've known a little about queer people from word of mouth and the few magazine articles he could find on the topic, but for the most part it was a lot of figuring things out on his own.

his adolescent years were really messy and all over the place, he definitely did a lot of experimentation during that time. a lot of sneaking out of his parent's house after dark to hang out in the back alleys with the other weirdos like him. during this time he was still closeted and figuring things, i don't think he really started presenting and identifying as a guy until his mid 20s when he moved away from his parents, and even then he had to go stealth. though keep in mind that's he's a broke bastard living in the middle of nowhere, so he had to DIY a lot of shit.

surgery of any kind is not an option, so that meant he had to work with what little he had. fortunately for him, he's able to pass fairly well with a sports bra, some rolled up socks, and baggy clothes. it's why he almost never takes off that huge trench coat he's always wearing, aside from it just generally being a source of comfort and pride for him. he also started taking hormones when he moved away from his parents, which i like to think uncle dave helped him acquire (albeit through dubiously legal means).

so maybe dude wouldn't make for "good" trans rep, but he's alive and himself against all odds and that's what i love about this headcanon

for dude, transitioning has its ups and downs. on one hand it's incredibly liberating to dress and act and be the way you've always wanted to, but on the other hand it can be quite lonely and difficult too. dude already has to constantly keep his guard up, constantly be vigilant of the people around him and how he's being perceived, but being one of the few queer people in a small town compounds that even further. plus i imagine that he probably has a lot of complicated feelings about his gender and sexuality that he doesn't really know what to do with on account of being really repressed and all that.

#postal #maka mumbles #i have more thoughts but this is getting really long so i'm gonna end it here #i have many hcs but this is one of my favs #it brings me a great deal of comfort as a queer person who spent a large portion of their life in the conservative south #i also have some art related to this hc i wanna clean up and post sometime... maybe Soon #SORRY IF THIS DOESN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE BTW its late and my brain is kinda scrambled #anyways. yea. i'll stop rambling now

[zaphiyy207]

Thoughts

"Every life changing events, there's no doubt we'll change."

"But one thing I wanted to stay unchanged is being beside you...so.."

"If there's a next life, let me be reborn with you."

#kirby #meta knight #bandana waddle dee #king dedede #kirby of the stars #hoshi no kaabii #hoshi no kirby #return to dreamland squad #this is nothing serious shjshsj #its just that thought that you wanted to stay by someone side forever because you love them too much #in a way this is kind of inspired by 'sweet time' by Porter Robinson #how is this in Kirby's pov. not even i know but here I am #I just woke up from a nap to post this. How is everyone doing #I have interesting issues with my legs #They're healing well but man why do my body felt like it's falling apart and I'm barely in my 20s #I always rambled abt myself huh? Sorry sorry back to the art #if i scratch my memory hard enough. I think this kind of inspired by the next gen au of Kirby? #The longing of meeting them again if one had passed on #and also demon slayer. i cannot get rid of that hyperfixation anytime soon #the line of 'reborn together as someone close in our next life" has been my favourite to implement in stories that revolve around death #okay enough rambles #tata :D <33

[transmascutena]

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

#akio and utena #m #long ramble in the tags sorry: #the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human #he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims #he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry. #and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios #(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think. #like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her #i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing #not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that. #and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did #but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her? #whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway #idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims #the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it? #how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions. #(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive #but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.) #when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her #but is there something genuine there too? i don't know. #again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me. #on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had #reflected back at him through her mean anything? #is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid. #either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over. #i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways) #but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly #wants you to analyze and think about. #which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.

[cephalog0d]

Okay, but like. There's the whole joke about Bruce recruiting children to be his sidekicks, but honestly there's only really one that fits that.

And it's Jason. And the whole story there is, frankly, unhinged. Aaaaand then he died.

(I'm specifically talking about "first post-crisis origin stories" here because Jason and Dick, in particular, have both had multiple major retcons and revisions over the years, and some of them dramatically change how things happened.)

Like okay. Going backwards, you've got Duke who joined/led a whole Robin-based gang at a time when Bruce wasn't even Batman. You've got Damian and Cass, who were both literally born into the world of masks and capes and heroes and villains, so they weren't ever really not going to be part of it. Steph might have taken inspiration from previous heroes but she made her own identity and repeatedly refused to stop involving herself in the vigilante lifestyle. Tim, obviously, basically strong-armed Batman into letting him be Robin, despite Batman's protests.

Dick's a little more complicated just because there's so many versions, because that's what 80 years of comics and multiple universe reboots will do, and there's kind of a general trend that earlier pre-crisis versions were more of Batman being like "hello, child, would you like to be my sidekick" and later versions have leaned harder and harder into the idea that Dick was absolutely going to do this anyway, regardless of what Batman had to say about it. But even in the first post-crisis version, the flashback in Batman Year 3, Dick says he wants to find a way to keep people like that from hurting others again. When Alfred questions Bruce's offer to train him, Bruce says that Dick should learn to do things the right way if he's going to do it. It's not hard to extrapolate that, much like later versions of the origin story, Dick was going to get himself into this one way or another. (Batman (1940) #437)

And then there's Jason. Whose backstory has also had a lot of (sometimes major) revisions over the years (remember when his adoption was, like, some kind of Joker-originated long con? Fucken Nu52, man). But the original post-crisis version is pretty straightforward. Steals Batman's tires, gets caught and sent to Ma Gunn's Secret Criminal School, intervenes when Batman goes to investigate, immediately gets offered the chance to be Robin based entirely on that.

Which is itself kind of unhinged. That Bruce saw this kid who was living on his own stealing tires and went "Hey you would make a good Robin" as his very first instinct.

But if you've never read Jason's post-crisis origin, or it's been a while, it's honestly even more unhinged than that because that arc starts with Dick getting "fired" as Robin specifically for the reason that he got shot by Joker and Bruce freaked out about how the Robin identity has too many enemies and therefore Dick, a legal adult with approximately a decade of training and experience, should not use the identity anymore.

(And it's specifically about the Robin identity, in this version, because when Dick says he's not going to stop the crime fighting thing Bruce's response is basically "I know and I didn't expect you to". Honestly I could also say a lot about this version of the Robin/Nightwing transition vs. later ones and how this one definitely feels like the Heavy Hand of DC Editorial in the fact that they had no contact for so long afterwards, because the interaction really doesn't feel like it warrants that in this case compared to some later versions, but that's a whole other too-long ramble.) (Batman (1940) #408)

And then a few weeks later Bruce turns around and picks up a random kid, a literal child, and goes "Hey you would make a good Robin!"

And I think a lot about how fucking wild that is. And it's not like the people writing just didn't notice. Dick's big argument with Bruce when he finally comes back to Gotham and meets Jason isn't about the fact that Bruce took in another kid, or even necessarily about Dick feeling proprietary over the Robin identity, the thing he's angry about is that Bruce said it was too dangerous for him, an adult, someone who has trained with Batman for a decade and was already highly physically trained before that for his whole life, to be Robin, and now Bruce has turned around and painted that target onto some random new kid. He pushes, repeatedly, trying to get Bruce to justify himself and this absolutely irresponsible decision, and Bruce gives a lot of answers about how Jason was on a bad path and needed this outlet and eventually just admits that he missed having a partner. (Batman (1940) #416)

And like. Dick's right, is the thing. He is 1000% in the right in this argument. If he can't be Robin anymore because of the danger, how in the hell is it anything like a good idea to hand it over to someone way younger, way less trained, way less experienced, and expect that that wouldn't end in tragedy?

And then it did.

And yeah, Bruce, it is kinda a lot of your fault.

#And the punchline is Batman clearly should not get to choose his own sidekicks! Haha? #(Sorry this is a lot more serious than my usual Batfam shitposts it won't be a regular habit don't worry) #this is long and rambly but it's something i think about a lot #and it's on my mind extra because of an AU oneshot i'm working on finishing right now #and obviously there's eight kabillion versions of any given origin and reboots and retcons and they change drastically yadda yadda yadda #and also obviously there's always behind-the-scenes editorial choices and other factors when it comes to comics story events #story and character choices are frequently not just a matter of storytelling but of things like meeting editorial demand of What Must Happe #but just looking at the story as presented: the one time bruce specifically recruited someone as his sidekick that kid ended up dead for it #it does make narrative sense given this that bruce's reaction to most of the subsequent kids is initially 'go the fuck home and stop this' #and then only really yielding with the realization that they're totally going to do this shit anyway #jason todd #dick grayson #bruce wayne