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jazzthatonewriterchick · 1 year

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All Up In Your Mind (Dom!Shinso x sub!Black!Reader 18+ One Shot)

"I'm just tryin' to figure out how I'm gonna make you cum tonight."

Pairing: Dom!Shinsho Hitoshi x sub!Black!Reader

Synopsis: In which you decide to use Hitoshi’s quirk to your advantage when things get tough in your life and you just need a bit of release. Lucky for you, Hitoshi is an understanding and generous guy, but what happens when he starts to get sick of trying to understand why you put up that wall between them even though you’re visiting him every weekend?

Warnings: Smutty Smut; 18+ (MINORS GO AWAY); FWBs to Lovers; Consensual Hypnosis/Brainwashing; Dubcon; Hurt/Comfort; Dumbification; Mutual Oral; Forced Orgasms; Facefucking; Shibari w/ Hitoshi’s scarves; Suspension; Edge Play; Biting; Pussy Spanks/Spanking; Mild Degradation; Praise Kink; Mild DDLG/BDSM Play; Choking; Breeding Kink; Hitoshi Making You Into His Brainless Slut; MULTIPLE Positions; MULTIPLE Orgasms for Reader; Unprotected Sex; Sub Drop; Aftercare

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters mentioned in this fic. However, as this is my writing, I do not give permission for my work to be reposted on any other sites that are not from my own accounts. Thank you!

Writer’s Note: Yo. My fingers fucking HURT writing this shit. But that's what I get for getting excited writing smut lol I hope y'all like this one though! Thank you so much for the love! -Jazz

**********

It was a dark, cold, windy night.

The streets were empty and slick, the air frigid, and the rain soaking your umbrella as you stood outside of the one place you knew you shouldn’t have been that night. It was the perfect night for anyone to stay inside the warm, secure four walls of their homes, eating takeout and cuddling up on the couch for a movie or a nap.

Unfortunately for you, you weren’t “everybody”. And the person whose apartment you stood at that late night knew that. That’s why they left the door open for you when you arrived, so you simply pushed it open. Of course, you made sure to tell them beforehand you’d be visiting…at 9 PM on a random weeknight.

But he didn’t ask questions nor did he protest or refuse your surprise visit. That’s two of the things you liked about him: he didn’t make a fuss and he didn’t ask because he didn’t care.

After getting into the building and to his floor, you stepped into the warm, dimly-lit apartment immediately, leaving your wet umbrella to dry by the door.

He had a nice home: mute gray walls and furniture with yellow and black throw pillows for decoration in the living room; a dining area with a large redwood table and chairs; a marbled kitchen with a mini-bar, an island, and Stirling steel appliances; a private training room across from the living room that was currently closed, the doors locked. Upstairs were his bedroom, study, and a few other rooms you knew were guest rooms.

It was very hospitable and cozy-like despite his cool, dark demeanor and look. He knew he had a very intimidating aura to him, especially with his quirk and that blank look that was constantly on his face.

And then there were his eyes: those violet orbs that seemed to stare into you when you first met him, inspecting you, drilling you, examining your every move. He seemed to know your past, present, and future with just one look as he trailed over your form across the bar three months ago when you first met. It frightened you yet thrilled you all at the same time. How wrong you were taking him up on his offer for dinner when he slipped you his number after hours of conversation and heated flirting.

Which is what got you here now, two months later. “Hello?” you called into the empty living room. You looked around the corner, staring into the darkened dining room and kitchen. The scent of lavender was all around you, making you feel calm and uneasy all at the same time.

“Hello?” you called again. Only silence answered you. You rubbed your arm nervously. Maybe he was trying to play a trick on you, jump out and scare you like the Boogeyman he was. “Shinso?” you called again, this time up the winding, polished wooden staircase. “You here?”

“Hold up!” His deep, raspy, and very effective voice rang out from upstairs. You sighed in relief, glad this wasn’t a prank.

You decide to sit on the couch as you wait for him to finish up with whatever he was doing. Finally, after you finished touching up your hair and gloss in your phone camera, the man of the hour comes bounding down the steps. You’d always been taken by his appearance, but now that you hadn’t seen him in two weeks, you were even more enraptured by him.

He was a nice-looking guy, and the dark circles under his eyes didn’t take away the fact that he was fine as hell. His undercut hairstyle fit his face well and seemed to make the tuffets of lilac-purple hair look soft to the touch.

He was very tall–about six foot something–and had a nice, slim build but still had enough muscle power to move the way he did during missions. As the underground pro-hero Mindjack, it was important. He had the muscles to prove it, and you’ve felt them for yourself. Just thinking about the impressive ripple of abs and pectorals hiding under his clothes made your mouth water.

He had on a black muscle tee and sweats that you gratefully and unabashedly eyed, your eyes going straight to his groin to get a look at the dick print. The man was packing. They always said big feet were indications–and shit, did Hitoshi have some big ass feet.

Not to mention his hands-so big, veiny, and tattooed. His finger ink was one of your favorite parts about him. You loved how they looked in your mouth whenever he slid them between your lips while he was balls-deep in your–

“Sorry,” he apologized. “Was finishin’ up a call. Denki said the power downtown went out and a bunch of cable towers fell, so he went to help.” He leaned against the banister, one foot kicked up to cross over his ankle. “Wasn’t the work of a villain or nothin’.”

You nodded, sitting rigidly on the couch with your thighs clamped together tight. “That’s good to hear.” Your voice was breathy and soft; an indication of your nervousness and shyness. You felt weird sitting here after not being here for so long, especially under Hitoshi’s ever-so-intense gaze.

You suddenly regretted wearing the clothes you picked out for tonight: a nice low-cut blouse that showed off the mere outline of your bra cubs and jeans that hugged your ass just right. Though you wore a jacket underneath them, you felt like Hitoshi could see right through it. Could see right through you.

“Want a drink?” he asked, crossing his tatted arms over his broad chest. “Water? Wine?” You looked at him from across the room. He didn’t come near you. He stayed promptly posted to the banister, giving you space. “You know what I like,” you replied.

He nodded once. “Wine it is then. I’ve got Moscato in there.” He walked himself into his kitchen on his long legs, making wide strides as he did. Once he was out of earshot and rummaging around in his kitchen, you sat back against the pillows and relaxed, now alone with your thoughts.

‘Da fuck are you doing?’ you thought. ‘You need to go home. Now.’

You knew that, logically, you’d regret this visit. You hadn’t seen the man in two weeks and the last time you were there didn’t end too well. He was too pushy and pried too much, which you told him as you hurried to put on your clothes despite your body aching and cutting aftercare short.

“All I’m askin’ you is why you’re always here when you don’t even stay,” Hitoshi had scoffed, scowling at you from his bedside. He was still naked, coated in sweat. The long third arm that swayed between his muscled thighs was flaccid.

“You know why,” you huffed as you pulled your panties up over your thighs still dripping with cum. Usually, Hitoshi would get the rag and wipe you down, also give you a nice oil massage to work out the aches of the binds on your wrists and having your body twist this way and that. But not tonight.

“Yeah, I know why,” he replied curtly. “That’s why I’m askin’. You’re here more than you’re at your own place–”

“That’s not true!” you protested, whipping around to glare at him.

“–and you go out of your way to always be here,” he continues. “Always fuckin’ up my plans to have your way because you had a bad day.” He scoffs to himself, shaking his head. “We’ve been doin’ this shit for three months, and yet you’re so afraid to open up to me and–”

“And what?” you snap, flinging a pillow at him. He catches it with one hand. “And what?” you repeat, louder and angrier now. How dare he put you on blast like this?

“Why do I have to tell you why I like you using your quirk and controlling my body? You already know what my pussy feels like, Shinso. Isn’t that being open enough?”

Hitoshi didn’t like that. His eyes flared with irritation, making your stomach flip. He inhaled deeply through his nostrils, trying to calm himself down before he flipped his shit. “And maybe I’m askin’ you because I wanna get to fuckin’ know you. Maybe I’m tired of this FWB shit.”

Your eyes widened and your entire body froze as his words washed over you. He never moved from his seat. He only stared at you, assessing you, wondering what you’d do next. You were hoping this wouldn’t happen: that he’d begin to grow feelings for you…and you for him. But you’d never tell him that. You couldn’t because that’d be opening a new door that you weren’t ready for.

Hitoshi looked at you with those pleading eyes. Those eyes that have seemed to crawl into your dreams and haunt you. “I want more with you, Y/N,” he said calmly, your name sounding like sugar on his lips.

You ran your hands through your hair, frustrated. You had decided to embark on this friends-with-benefits type thing with Hitoshi for a reason: to not feel or think (hence using his quirk to your advantage).

To not make things complicated like relationships always seemed to be for you. To indulge in the pleasures of sex without being in love or caring for one another…well, that second part wasn’t true. And you knew it.

You cared deeply about Hitoshi, and you hated it. Why couldn’t things ever work out for you? Why did everything have to be so damn complicated all the time? “Shinsho, I can’t,” you firmly stated. “I told you before: I don’t want a relationship. I don’t wanna be your girlfriend or your sub or whatever you want from me. I thought you’d respect that.”

“You’re talkin’ about respect?” he cackled, the sound icky to you. “You hit me up at all hours of the night, no matter if it’s fuckin’ 2 AM on a weeknight, come over to my house, and then leave once you use me up, and wanna talk about respect?”

“I’m not using you!” you shouted, tears flaring in your eyes.

He didn’t budge. “Really?” he asked, fixing you with an accusatory stare. “But even knowing this, I never judged you. And I’ll never judge you, Y/N. I told you: it ain’t my style. But…”

He sighed, running his hands through his purple hair. “But I can’t keep BSing myself like this. If I’m to take your body and your mind like that every time we have sex, I need us to be closer.”

He stood up from his seat and you moved towards the door, backing away from him. He looked hurt by this. “Look, I’m sorry, okay?” you huffed, quickly moving to collect your shit from his bedroom floor. “Maybe we just need a break from this or something so we can figure shit out.”

Words flew out of your mouth to try and soothe the situation as you threw on your clothes one by one. “And you’re a great guy, Shinso. You’re sexy, funny, and real. You’ll find someone who can really take care of you.” You walked towards the door, but as your hand went for the knob, you turned to stare at him. His hurt gaze made you want to stay, but your pride stopped you. “Just not me,” you whispered, and then you were gone.

You were sure you’d broken his heart. You were so sure he’d refuse to see you when you texted him tonight. But surprisingly, he agreed and now here you were. And there he was with two chilled glasses and a bottle of Moscato. You watched as he poured you a glass and then handed it to you. “Thanks.”

He nodded and proceeded to sit next to you. The cushion dipped from his weight. He sat at a good distance from you, one arm slung over the back of the couch and his legs stretched out. “You cold?” he asked, noticing the goose pimples on your skin. “I’ve got a blanket too.”

You shook your head. If only he knew those chills were from him. A few seconds of tense silence settled between you as you sipped your wine and tried to think of things to say. “Sooo wanna tell me what you’re doin’ here on such a lovely night?” he asked sarcastically. “You weren’t too specific in your texts. I’m suspecting it’s pretty important for you comin’ over here in such weather.”

He looked at you as he sipped his wine, one foot kicked up on his knee. He sat casually and loosely, acting as if you were just two friends hanging out. But that couldn’t have been farther from the truth.

“I said I needed to talk,” you replied, but it sounded like bullshit even in text.

“And do you?” he pushed, raising his pierced eyebrow at you.

You held his gaze though you just wanted to look away. The truth was you needed him. All of him. You wanted to know for a fact that you were doing the right thing by asking him if the option to be more was still on time because goddammit, you hated life without him.

Those two weeks were hell for you. Not just because of the lack of amazing, other-worldly sex, but because you didn’t have him as a pick-me-up. Even a text from him throughout the day was enough to get you through work or dinner with the parents where your mom would drill you about not being engaged yet.

And more than anything, you missed him. You missed being near him, beside him, under him. You wanted to hide in his apartment, in his bed, forever. You felt safe with him, even when you gave him the control you were seeking in your life in every scene you two had together. In the four walls of his bedroom and in his arms, you felt at home.

But how the fuck could you tell him that? You couldn’t. And you wouldn’t. You were here for just one last time. You knew logically that this would end badly, so why not stop it before it goes completely to shit?

Hitoshi stared at you now, a smirk toying on his lips. “C’mon now, Y/N. We both know you never talk when you’re here…at least in the way you’re speakin’ of.” You flushed under your jacket, feeling embarrassed under his teasing yet hot and bothered by it.

He tilted his head to the side, looking sexier than ever. “Whatchu want?” he asked softly, his voice a deep rumble. You swallowed the lump in your throat as your pussy clenched involuntarily at his words. “You know what I want,” you say barely above a whisper.

Hitoshi sat up straighter and put his glass to the side. “I wanna hear you say it though,” he said, his voice dipping into very dangerous territory. “You know me by now, baby: I’m a fuckin’ asshole.” You looked away from him to avoid melting under his hot gaze, sipping your wine. “That, you are,” you murmured into your glass.

Hitoshi chuckled at your mouthy response. “And from what I recall from your last visit,” he continued, “and our last conversation, you said you wanted to take a break from this because it made you feel too ‘open’.”

You simmered under your jacket, slightly irked at his way of knowing you inside and out. “I had a shitty two weeks, okay?” you blurted out. “Work is stressing me out, my mom keeps pestering me about not havin’ a man, my money ain’t right, I’m tired of dealing with people day in and day out…”

You sighed, turning to face him and your truth. “I needed you, okay?” you confessed. You cringed slightly at the neediness in your tone, but dammit, you needed him to understand.

“I want you, Shinso,” you say softly–a confession. His eyes suddenly flashed with something, but you couldn’t identify it too well. “Don’t you want me, too?”

You placed your glass on the coffee table in front of you and peeled your jacket off of your body. Hitoshi watched you, never looking away from your face. And never touching you. At this point, you’d be in his arms and naked, but he never even reached a hand out for you. You bit your lip harshly, feeling dumb. “Do you want me to leave?” you asked.

He glared at you, irritation on his face. “You know I fuckin’ don’t.” Now, you were irritated too. Why was he playing you like this? “Then what’s the problem?” you asked curtly. “You’ve never had an issue with this before, so why now?”

Hitoshi’s eyes trailed over you, but not in a sexual manner. He was analyzing you, peeling you apart. Quickly, he stood and startled you with how fast he was. You watched silently as he walked to the window overlooking the city below. The rain outside pitter-pattered against the roof and dripped down the windows.

He stood with his back to you, watching the rain fall. “What are we, Y/N?” he asked, sounding oh-so sad. You blinked at him, not expecting this question. “Sorry?”

“I said what are we?” he asked once more. He turned to you and looked pained. It hurt you to see him hurt. “We’ve been doin’ this dance for three months now. You come over here, I fuck you, you go home, we flirt, we laugh, we joke, act like we’re not fucking in public but in private, it’s something totally different.”

You shrugged your shoulders despite yourself. “Easy: we’re fuckbuddies.”

“Naw,” Hitoshi replied, shaking his head. “Fuckbuddies don’t laugh and joke. They don’t feed each other off the plate or know about each others' lives like that. They don’t even cuddle. We’re way past fuckbuddies and you know it, so why are you so afraid of whatever this could be?”

“You’re talkin’ crazy,” you scoffed though you knew he was right. “When we agreed to do this, I specifically told you I want no strings attached. No feelings. Just sex.”

“But this isn’t just sex, Y/N,” Hitoshi protested. “I’m using my quirk on you. I’m brainwashing you. And we’re indulging in BDSM-type play.” “You’re okay with all that but me asking you questions about you is too much?” He squinted at you accusingly.

Your body felt hot with shame and embarrassment. Fuck, he was right, about all of it. But your pride wouldn’t let you give in that easily.

“Because there are no questions in this, Shinso!” you snapped, standing up too. “It’s bad enough I’m asking you to brainwash me, tie me up, and fuck me without a driver at the wheel. I don’t need you to ask questions or try to dig deeper to make this into something it won’t ever be.”

Hitoshi started at you blankly and that pissed you off even more. “I don’t come here for that shit,” you hiss. “I come here to get my release and my nut. That’s it! You don’t need to know why I come to you to feel good or why I like being brainwashed and used. That’s none of your business.”

“It is if I’m the one doin’ it,” he grumbles.

“What the fuck do you want from me?!” you bellow, startling yourself. But Hitoshi barely even blinked. For a while, the two of you stood there in silence, Hitoshi’s living room now a battlefield.

You take a moment to compose yourself. Now you really knew tonight had to be the last time. “I told you before that I’m not ready for another romantic relationship, and you understood that,” you huff. “So if you want this to stop, just tell me now so I don’t waste my time.”

Hitoshi didn’t say anything. He kept his lips clamped, eyes trained on you. “I’m here because only you can make me stop stressing for a moment,” you confessed. “Only you can make me feel so good. So good I forget me for a while.”

You stepped closer to him, eyes locked with his. “Just help me forget me tonight, Shinso,” you softly pled. “That’s all I ask. And if you don’t want this, say it now and I’ll–”

He cut you off with a chuckle, shaking his head at you. “Who said anything about me not wanting this?” he asked. Suddenly, his hand was trailing down your arm, sending chills in his wake. “That’s not the problem right now, doll. I'm just tryin' to figure out how I'm gonna make you cum tonight."

At that moment, all of the tension in the air vanished. Now all that was left was the lust and need you were both feeling. Your walls vanished as you threw yourself at him, going to wrap your arms around him and kiss those lips you’ve been dreaming about.

Hitoshi stopped you by taking your wrists and pushing you down onto the couch. You fell onto your back with a gasp, but before you could process what just happened, he was on top of you and kissing you silly. His kiss wasn’t nice–it was desperate; thirsty; rough. He gripped your chin as he hovered over you, one hand placed above your head to hold himself up as his lips bruised yours. His stubble tickled your chin, imagining him giving you rugburn in the right places.

You moaned into the kiss, giving him a chance to slip his tongue into your mouth. He tasted of the Moscato and mint gum–something he chewed whenever he was bored or stressed to keep himself occupied. You never forgot this little fact. So many little facts and quirks about him lived in your head rent-free. You wanted to tell him that too.

But not yet. Not right now. You went to grasp his shoulders, but he stopped you by taking your wrists and pinning them above your head. His lips left yours and he proceeded to kiss you all over: your neck, across your jawline, your collarbone, and chest. His kisses were intoxicating, each one a drug to you. You moaned and writhed against his iron grip, your eyes fluttering closed. How you had missed this. “‘Toshi,” you whispered. “Please.”

“Please what, doll?” he murmured against your skin. “You want something, you gotta ask me.” His lips trailed back up to your neck to nibble the tender flesh there, and then give you a bite. You gasped as his teeth nicked you, the sharp pain sending sparks of pleasure into your core. He did the same thing again to another place on your neck, sucking gently on the skin. No doubt he was giving you hickeys as punishment.

You found your voice despite the arousal you felt that was quickly overtaking you. “C-Can you…” You licked your lips, trying again: “Can you take me upstairs?” you coherently asked. He looked at you from between the valley of your breasts, and you realized just then one of his hands was crawling up your blouse.

“Please, sir?” you asked, putting on your best breathy, soft, 'fuck me' voice that you knew drove him insane.

He grinned at you, the sight of it too beautiful for words. “That’s my good girl,” he cooed. “Of course, I can, gorgeous.” He leaned over to peck you on the lips. The kiss was so wet that a string of saliva stuck between your lips as he pulled away. “Lemme just take care of the wine and I’ll meet you upstairs. You know what to do, right?”

You nodded. “Yes, sir, I do.” Because you did. The very first night he brought you into his bedroom (which was your first “date” that he insisted on taking you on), he made the rules very clear:

Whenever you come into his bedroom, you’re to be naked and on your knees waiting for him by the bed with your hands flat on your lap and head down.

Always answer when asked a question.

When a scene is in place, always call Hitoshi “sir”, “daddy”, or whatever he sees fit (he usually loves being called “sir” or “daddy”)

Never ever forget the traffic light system or a safe word.

Finally, never ever cum without his permission. If you do, there will be consequences, usually either being edged to the point of tears or denied an orgasm if you don’t apologize.

Hitoshi nodded at you, happy with your obedience. “Good girl. Now get that ass upstairs and you’d better be naked by the time I get up there.” You nodded and he let you get up but gave you a smack on your ass as you lept upstairs, biting back a smile as you did.

He left you alone to your own devices for about ten minutes, giving you more than enough time to get ready. You slipped into his bedroom and breathed in the scent of vanilla and lavender that you’d grown to love so much. The bed he had was one of those king-sized ones covered in a black comforter and plush pillows. It came with four poles that served as bedposts protruding from the floor and nearly reaching the ceiling, giving the bed an almost medieval feel.

The lamp on his nightstand lit the bedroom up in a warm glow, accompanying you as you stripped. You took off your blouse and pants; your bra and panties; and your shoes and socks. Not one article of clothing was left on you. Hitoshi liked you completely bare.

You then folded all of the clothes up on the chair near his gaming desk that sat near the door. Then you walked over to the bed and knelt on the soft carpeted floor near it, hands flat on your thighs. But you didn’t look down yet. Instead, you looked up. High above the bed was a large, oval-shaped mirror stuck to the ceiling, one that you’d watched Hitoshi fuck you in many times. And you’d watch him do it again.

You suddenly heard his footsteps and your heart began to tremble. Quickly, you ducked your head down, now staring down at your hands on your thighs. Hitoshi came into the room and closed the door behind him. You heard the door click shut and his bare feet against the carpet. You didn’t look up, even as he stood in front of you. All you saw were his big feet and the legs of his sweats.

He knelt down to your height so he was level with you and tilted your chin up to look at him. He was now shirtless; all bare skin and muscles you wanted to touch. “So,” he purred, his voice deep and raspy. “my little kitty wants to play tonight with me, hm?”

The pet name made your pussy clench. “Yes, sir,” you softly answered. “And maybe use your scarves this time to tie me up.”

Hitoshi’s eyes widened an inch at your request. He’d always used either rope or satin ties to tie you up if not handcuffs to lock you to the bedpost. This was the first time you’d asked him to use his own scarves for a scene, but you’d wanted it for a long time. It seemed more personal and more intimate to you than using rope or ties. “Fuck, you’re freaky,” he chuckled, “but I knew that when I met you.”

He put his hands out for you and you took them, allowing him to help you stand. “Fine then; we’ll have it your way. But you know seein’ you tied up so nice in my scarves is gonna make me so hard, right?” His eyes darkened with lust and anticipation.

You felt the same. You could feel yourself shivering impatiently, wanting to get to the part where he ties you up, brainwashes you, and fucks you stupid already. “Yes, sir.”

He raised his pierced brow. “And what will happen when my dick gets hard for you? You’ve gotta take responsibility, don’t you?” He took your hand and placed it on his groin where he felt his very hard, very thick dick in his sweatpants. Your mouth fell open at the feeling of your hand wrapped around him. “Y-Yes, sir,” you softly stuttered.

He smiled sweetly and kissed you once. “Up you go, then.” He chuckled at your squeak of surprise as he scooped you up into his strong arms, holding you close to his chest. You felt small and safe in his arms and allowed yourself to relax as he walked you over to the bed.

He placed you down gingerly before going to the drawers in the tall dresser on the left of his bed. Those were his goodies drawers. He had every single toy and tool in there related to sex or BDSM: rope and ties; blindfolds and cuffs; floggers and whips; nipple clamps; dildos and vibes; you name ‘em. Every time he went into a drawer, you felt pure excitement for what was to come, not knowing what it would be.

You watched as he dipped his hand into the drawer at the top and pulled something out. When he turned to you, he showed you the goody: his scarves. Excitement, anticipation, and a twinge of nervousness filled your gut. He came to the side of the bed, staring down at you. “Tell me your lights.”

The traffic light system. “Green, yellow, and red,” you answered clearly. "Green means I'm good, yellow means slow down, and red means stop."

He grinned with pride. “Glad you ain’t forget.” He bent down to kiss you before taking one of your wrists. “I’m gonna tie your wrists and ankles for now. Then we can move onto shibari and suspension later on if you want.” He then got on top of you, straddling you. “Is this what you want, baby?”

You looked from his lust-filled gaze to his toned stomach, pecs, and dick print right in your face. “Yes, sir,” you answered, genuine and wanton. You placed a hand on his stomach, loving the way your skin tones contrasted and how your dark nail polish looked against his warm skin. “Please tie me up with your scarves.”

Hitoshi growled low in his throat, lust overtaking him. He wasted no time tying your wrist to one of the bedposts with his scarf. He worked quickly and expertly, tying the knot enough so you weren’t in pain but you weren’t getting out either. “Good?” he asked. You nodded and he went on to the next. He did this until he finished tying your ankles to the bedposts below.

And then there you were: naked and played out like a dessert plate. And Hitoshi was looking at you like one. “You look so fuckin’ good,” he hummed appreciatively. He swooped down to kiss your lips and then nuzzled your breasts, pressing a kiss to each hardened peak of your nipple. You bite your lip at the sensations as he trailed down to your tummy, his hands caressing your sides gently. “Like my perfect lil’ doll,” he cooed against your stomach. “Not quite yet though. Haven’t prepped you yet.”

You shivered when he said the word “prepped”. That usually meant making you cum your brains out before he proceeded to use his quirk on you. You waited patiently (though you didn’t really have a choice) as Hitoshi went to grab your favorite kind of lube–made with a hint of aloe vera, strawberry-flavored, and warmed with physical touch.

He then walked back over and knelt between your thighs, his violet eyes locked with yours as he squirted some of the lube onto his fingers. He then reached down and began to slowly slide his fingers over your pussy lips and clit, never dipping inside you. It quickly drove you insane. His feather-light touch against the most sensitive part of you had your toes curling and your eyes fluttering closed.

Hitoshi always took his sweet time pleasing you, mostly because he loved seeing you come undone. And you knew he did. “Like that, kitty?” he asked, eyeing you from between the V of your thighs.

He then slid his fingers between your pussy lips and your mouth fell open. “Uh-huh,” you moaned out, unable to form the words to speak as the pleasure increased.

Hitoshi played with your pussy for a while until neither one of you could tell the difference between the lube and your juices anymore. You were ready. Slowly, he dove in to enjoy his meal, tongue out and ready to indulge in your taste. As soon as his hot, wet mouth and lips wrapped around your clit, you were throwing your head back and pulling against your restraints. “Fuck,” you softly moaned to the ceiling.

Hitoshi took that as his cue to keep going, lapping at your pussy like a starving man. He alternated between short flicks of his tongue and long strokes with the flattest part of his tongue that he knew exactly how to work. He moaned as he did it, the lewd sounds making you gush even more around his mouth. “You taste so fuckin’ good, kitty,” he groaned into your pussy. “Could stay between your legs for days and never get tired.”

You whimpered at his words, still pulling at the rope ties. He slid his hands underneath your ass to angle your hips up before slowly sliding his index finger inside the wet depths of your pussy. You moaned his name and threw your head back as he began to stroke in and out of you, angling up to rub his palm against your clit. After some stimulation with one finger, he added another.

You bucked and writhed, moaned, and whined at the pleasurable feeling of him fingerfucking your cunt. How you had missed this feeling. Especially when you felt that familiar of an orgasm begin to rise in your core. It only got stronger when Hitoshi wrapped his lips around your clit again as he fingerfucked you, gradually going faster. “‘Toshi!” you mewed, writhing in his grasp. “‘Toshi, p-please let me cum! Please!”

“Not until you say you’re sorry,” he growled, still suckling and fucking away. “Say you’re sorry for bein’ a little fuckin’ brat. Say you’re sorry for makin’ me miss you for two weeks.” He stared at you from between your legs and slowed his movements. As he did, the feeling of your rising orgasm began to fade. “Say it.”

A desperate whine left your lips. You needed to cum. You needed to. “I-I’m sorry!” you cry out. “I’m so, so sorry, ‘Toshi! Please let me cum!” That pleased Hitoshi. He granted your wish and proceeded to stroke your walls faster as he sucked and licked gently on your clit.

He held you down with one hand, his hips securely pinning you to the mattress even as you writhed against the bed. You were close. So, so close. But when he spat on your pussy and slurped that shit back up, that set you all the way off. “‘Bout to cum!” you gasped. “I’m about to…”

When your orgasm finally hit you, you barely realized it. It rose too quickly for your brain to process, but when it did, it slammed into you and filled your body with warmth. Your voice cracked on your moans and whines as you gushed all over Hitoshi’s fingers and mouth, tears pricking your eyes.

This is it. This is what you needed. Hitoshi knew it too. “Thaaat’s a good lil’ girl,” he chuckled into your pussy. “Cum all over my face.”

He continued to stroke and suck on your pussy as you rode your orgasm out. He lapped up each drop until no trace of your cum or lube was on your inner thighs. All that was left was his saliva. When you were drained and completely exhausted, he finally stopped and sat up to look down at you. His lips shined with his spit and your cum, his own cum-drunk smile on his face.

Though you were sedated by your orgasm, you were beyond tired or satisfied. You wanted him. Needed him. “I’m ready now, Hitoshi,” you tell him breathlessly. “I want you to use your quirk now.” Hitoshi stared down at you with lust-blown pupils and a smile that sent shivers down your spine. “Lie back then, baby.”

You did as he instructed, getting comfortable against the plush pillows. He sat up on his knees, looking down at you with such adoration that you flushed. “Good?” he asked. You nodded, giving him a reassuring smile. “Alright, baby; close your eyes and take a deep breath in for me.”

You, once again, did as instructed: you closed your eyes and took a deep breath into your lungs. “And out,” he instructed. You breathed out, the small circles he stroked against your thigh helping.

“Clear your head of everything you’ve ever known. All you know now is me for tonight. Trust that I’ve got you and I’d never do anything without your consent or permission. Do you understand what I’m saying to you?”

It was weird, but his words brought tears to your eyes as well as relaxed you. It was the fact that he truly cared about you to do something like this. Despite all of your bullshit and excuses, here he was, making you feel good at your request. And you wanted to do the same for him. You opened your eyes to get a good look at him, hoping he’d see the utter gratitude in your eyes. “Yes, daddy,” you replied softly.

That was the trigger for Hitoshi. First, you were feeling him press a passionate, wet kiss to your lips. Then you felt your body seize and then go limp as he activated his quirk. Your brain went blank, all thoughts ceasing to exist. Your eyes fell closed on instinct, catapulting you into darkness. You felt yourself sink deeper and deeper into your body, almost as if you were inside looking out. You knew it was your conscious brain taking the backseat as nothing but Hitoshi filled your head now, your mind a blank canvas for his creation.

The only way you could describe being brainwashed by Hitoshi was bliss. A bliss that was so good that it made you uncomfortable every time it happened. You were scared at how good and free you felt being controlled by someone else, but another part of you told you to give in; that everything would be alright.

“Y/N, honey?” Hitoshi said, sounding far away. It was like you were underwater and he was standing above the waves, calling for you. “Baby, can you hear me?” He sounded closer and clearer now as the fog in your brain cleared.

“Yes,” you tried to answer, but you physically couldn’t move your mouth. Not without Hitoshi’s commands to speak.

“Answer me, baby,” he commanded, his voice now crystal clear and strong. “Can you hear my voice?” You felt his rough yet warm hand on your cheek, stroking it softly.

“Yes,” you heard yourself reply, your lips forming the words. “Yes, I can hear you.” He sighed, sounding relieved. “How do you feel?” You suddenly felt his hand slide down your stomach to your inner thighs where his fingers played with your pussy now soaked in your arousal again. When the fuck did you get wet again?

“Good,” you whimpered, toes curling as he rubbed your clit in gentle circles. “Mmm, I bet you do; look at how wet this pussy is. And you just came! Greedy little slut, aren’t you?” You must’ve been too slow to answer because he gave your pussy a hard, open-palmed smack. You gasped and your body jumped at the sting.

“Aren’t you?” he growled into your ear.

Like a switch being flipped, you quickly answered him. “Y-Yes, sir, I’m a greedy little slut!” you whimpered, your thighs shaking. Hitoshi chuckled, his hot breath fanning your face. “But you’re my greedy lil’ slut.” He leaned in close, his lips at your ear. “And you know what greedy sluts get?”

Your pussy gushed and clenched around nothing at the feeling of his soft lips against the most sensitive part of your ear. “N-No,” you stuttered.

“They get punished,” he whispered and suddenly, he was untying your ankles and wrists from the bedposts. Before you could process what he was doing, you were on your stomach and being hoisted onto your knees after he flipped your ass over. You could only gasp as he did, his strength incredible. How he was able to throw you around so effortlessly always turned you on.

He came up behind you and immediately smacked you on the ass. Hard. The sound of his hand hitting your ass cheek was sharp and filled the air along with your grunt of surprise. “This is your punishment,” he growled. “For being a greedy lil’ brat.” SMACK! He spanked you again, this time on the opposite cheek. You hissed at the pain, but your pussy jumped, loving the feeling.

“This is for making me wait for two fuckin’ weeks,” he growled. SMACK!

“Makin’ my cock wait for you.” SMACK!

“Can’t even focus on my work ‘cause of your ass.”

SMACK! SMACK! “What do you have to say for yourself, huh, slutty girl?”

SMACK! “Tell me!” he ordered. “Say you’re sorry!” SMACK!

“I-I’m sorry!” you heard yourself cry out, your voice cracking. “I’m sorry I left you waiting, sir! I’m sorry I’m such a needy little slut for you! I-I just missed you so bad!” You were practically in tears now, your body twitching at the harsh sting from his spankings on your asscheeks.

“Fuck!” Hitoshi grunted, impatient, and just as needy as you. He quickly swooped down and planted your ass in wet kisses and massages, easing the pain away. “Such a good girl,” he whispered against your asscheek. “That’s enough pain for now. Time to shower my baby in pleasure.”

“T-Thank you, sir,” you stuttered out, wanting to push your ass back into his adoring mouth, but his quirk’s hold on you didn’t allow you. You could only moan and whimper as his lips trailed down your ass to your pussy. His hands pried your cheeks apart to get good access to your sobbing wet cunt and proceeded to lick, suck, and kiss you there. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head at the sensations of him eating out your overly-sensitive pussy, his tongue moving over your clit.

“‘T-Toshi,” you mewled. “Please.”

“What do you want, gorgeous?” he asked, taking a break from eating you out to rub at your flit. You cried aloud at the feeling, your toes curling as sparks of pleasure shot into your core. “Tell me,” he commanded. “Tell me what you want.”

“To cum,” you moaned. “Please, daddy, make me cum again.” You heard Hitoshi chuckle darkly before pushing you down with one hand so the side of your face was in the mattress. Face down, ass up–his favorite position. “Goddamn,” he swore. “I’ll never get tired of this shit.”

Your body trembled excitedly, bracing itself for the feeling of Hitoshi’s tongue and mouth on your pussy. But he surprised you when he pressed his open palm against your pussy and smacked you against your clit. You gasped, your body jumping in response. He did it again, and again and again, the sweet mixture of pain and pleasure too much for you. “Hitoshiiii,” you whined. “Please! C-Can’t…can’t…”

“Ah-ah, baby,” he chuckled. “I want you to cum just like this. With my hand smackin’ that clit.” He pressed a kiss to your ass as he smacked up against your clit again, even giving you some nice strokes with his palm. “This is what you deserve. You deserve to cum just like this.”

Your mouth fell open into a silent, shocked O as another orgasm began to make its appearance. This had never happened before. He was making you cum with just pussy smacks? This man was a demon. “Hitoshi, please!” you practically screamed. “Please let me cum, baby, please!”

“Tell me whose pussy this is then,” he ordered his voice a growl that made your stomach flip. “Tell me who owns this pussy and I’ll let you cum again.”

You could barely think or speak, the dawn of your new orgasm mingling with the sedation of your initial orgasm rendering you useless. Your muscles were slowly turning into mush as he assaulted your pussy so good your toes curled. “Y-You,” you softly moan.

A sharp smack against your ass made you yelp. “Sorry, baby; didn’t get that,” Hitoshi said. “Say it a little louder for me.” You practically sobbed and he laughed at your pitiful, pathetic state. “C’mooon, you can do better than that.” When all you did was whine, he hummed in disappointment and brought his hand away from you. “Guess you don’t wanna cum then.”

The ache of need in your core made you downright insane. You needed to cum again. There’s no way he could edge you like this. “Please!” you babble deliriously. “You own this pussy! You own all of me, Hitoshi, please just let me fuckin’ cum!”

A fire flashed behind Hitoshi’s eyes at your begs and pleads for mercy. He pressed his palm up to your clit and proceeded to move it up and down, pressing into it with the exact pressure you needed. “You wanna fuckin’ cum?” he growled. “You wanna cum for me, slut, huh?” You nodded frantically, your mind quickly going blank from the pleasure. “Fuckin’ do it then. Give it to me, baby.”

Then he stopped, his palm still against your clit, and whispered a command in your ear that echoed in your mind: “Cum.”

Just like a puppet being controlled by strings, you did as Hitoshi said. Your body reacted immediately, your back arching and your pussy spasming as you came all over his hand. And fuck, did you cum hard. You were seeing stars and heard bells ringing in your ears as you screamed at the top of your lungs, your throat going raw from using it too much. When the orgasm finally ebbed, you slumped onto the mattress in utter exhaustion, muscles going to mush and your mind a puddle. You inhaled and exhaled deeply, your chest rising and falling with each deep gulp of air.

You must’ve passed out for a short time because suddenly, Hitoshi was beside you and you don’t remember feeling him there. “Baby?” he whispered in your ear, stroking your hair back from your face. “Can you hear me, darlin’? Can you look at me?” Your eyes fluttered open and you saw his handsome face peering at you. “You good?” he asked, looking worried.

Good wasn’t even a word you could’ve used to describe this feeling. Your body felt loose and relaxed, your pussy aching in the best possible way. “Y-Yeah,” you giggled softly. “Yeah, I’m good, sir.”

Hitoshi looked relieved and pecked your sweaty temple. “You wanna keep going?” he asked. You nodded slowly, not wanting to stop tonight. “Lemme finish tyin’ you up then. Let me know at any time if it’s too much.” Once again, you nodded, knowing most of it was because he was bringing sheer obedience and compliance out of you with his quirk. However, you wanted this and he knew it.

Slowly, he sat you up and got the rest of his scarves from the nightstand before proceeding to tie you up with them shibari style. He first had you sit with your knees underneath your butt and your hands behind your back. Then he started to tie you up with his soft, long scarves that felt like silk against your skin. He tied your wrists first and then connected that knot to your arms which connected to the one wrapped around your neck. He moved onto your legs and ankles, tying them so they were pressed tightly together. Then he moved onto your breasts, covering them in his scarf as he secured each bind.

When he was finally done, he sat back to look at his handiwork. “Tell me how it feels,” he ordered, though his tone was soft. You could hardly move except for turning your head or rocking from side to side. You were completely restricted, and you loved every minute of it. “Like a tight hug,” you answered breathlessly, saying the first thing that came to mind.

Hitoshi nodded, happy with that answer. He stared at you for a moment, his stare heated and filled with molten lust that made you flush. “I can’t tell you how fuckin’ good you look right now, doll. Wrapped up like a pretty lil’ toy.”

With his bottom lip caught between his teeth, he began to unbuckle and unzip his pants right in front of you. The sounds of it made you even wetter, especially when he brought his briefs down with his jeans as he pulled them down his narrow hips. “I wanna break my toy in a little,” he groaned as his cock sprung free from his briefs finally. “Open that fuckin’ mouth.”

Your eyes stared in astonishment at how fantastic his dick is for a moment–tan, veiny, long, and thick, his cockhead pink and dripping in precum all for you. You were utterly in love with that dick. He brought it to you and gently slapped your lips with it. “Suck,” he commanded.

Your body reacted immediately. You leaned in towards his dick and opened your mouth, your lips covering your teeth to avoid scratching him. You stuck your tongue out first to get a taste of him, relishing the mix of salty and sweet, before he slid into the wet, warm depths of your waiting mouth. As soon as he was in, you had to adjust to his size by opening your throat as if you were yawning and breathing through your nostrils. Hitoshi was a big guy and it was harder with no hands, but you knew you could manage. You were a big girl.

He seemed to think so too because he pushed his hips forward more, in turn sliding his dick into your mouth farther. “That’s it, baby girl,” he groaned, one hand securely behind your head. “Suck that dick. Make it sloppy for me. You know how I like it.”

You did know. That’s why your mouth immediately pulled away to spit all over his cock and slurp it back up before licking all around his dick, making it shine in your saliva. Your mouth secreted so much saliva that it dripped down Hitoshi’s balls and thighs. The sight of it made you gush all over the bed, making your inner thighs wet with your arousal.

Once he was nice and slick, you brought your mouth towards his again and sucked him in, deeper this time. You gagged around his cock for a few seconds, popping his head in and out of your throat as you ran your tongue along his sweet spot located right at the side of his head.

Hitoshi was loving it. You peered up at him through your lashes to watch his eyes roll back. “Fuck me, that’s it!” he gasped, tossing his head back in ecstasy to the ceiling above. “I love watchin’ you suck my dick in the mirror up here. You’re takin’ me so good.”

You had wanted to watch it too. How did you look taking his dick deep in your mouth, you wondered? Did you look as sexy and as beautiful as he thought too?

He suddenly looked down at you, his hand petting your head lovingly. “Think we can go deeper?” he asked, his eyes dark and hooded. He was now deep in his Dom role–merciless and stern yet still sweet as black licorice.

You whimpered in protest, not sure if you could. You had to adjust to putting him in your mouth, to begin with, keeping your jaw slack and mouth stretched wide. How the fuck were you going to deepthroat him?

Hitoshi’s hand on your head grew tighter and you whined as he gripped your head. “Oh, yes, you can. It’s been a while, but you’ve got it.”

‘Don’t!’ your conscious mind protested, but your body didn’t listen. You were already opening your mouth again and expanding your throat for him as if about to yawn. Hitoshi slowly slid his dick into your mouth once more, taking his sweet time. “That’s it, open that throat…”

He didn’t stop until he was right at the back of your throat, his balls hitting your chin. Your throat flexed and gagged around him, trying to ease the discomfort of something so huge hitting the back of your throat. Your cheeks pricked with tears at the slight burning sensation in your throat as Hitoshi began to slowly slide in and out of the tight space, gripping your hair tight as he did. “Fuck, baby!” he moaned, his voice bouncing off the walls. “Good girl! You took all of me so deep. ‘M so proud of you.”

He looked down at you in utter adoration and pride which seemed to make the burning sensation in your throat feel like a damn kiss. He slid out to allow you to breathe, his cock soaked in your spit and his precum, so much so that strings of spit stuck to his head and your lips as he pulled away.

You gulped down each breath greedily and gratefully, relishing this moment because you knew what came next. “T-Thank you, sir,” you breathlessly replied, still struggling to catch your breath.

Hitoshi let you recover for a moment, then wrenched your head back, forcing you to look up at him. “Now shut the fuck up and lemme fuck that pretty face.” He forced your head back down on him again and you got to work immediately, bobbing your head up and down, back and forth, his dick sliding against your tongue until it once again hit the back of your throat.

Hitoshi was relentless as he fucked your throat. He gripped your head and maneuvered you the way he wanted until you were right where he wanted–your head back, mouth stretched wide, and eyes on him. His pelvis brushed against your nose and heavy balls swung against your chin as he thrust in and out of your throat, alternating between slow, torturous strokes that stretched out the burning in your throat and quick thrusts that made your throat squelch and gag around him.

“Gonna make that makeup run,” he grunted. “Gonna fuck you up so good that no other man could compare.” He gripped the fistful he had of your hair tighter and you were so sure he’d yank that shit out if he wasn’t careful. “That’s a promise, baby,” he growled. “Now cum for me while my dick is in your throat.”

Like clockwork, pussy immediately started quivering and your clit began to swell like it was being stimulated to the point of orgasm. Your eyes widened at the sensation, realizing he was trying to make you cum again. “Mmmph!” you moaned in protest around his dick, your words muffled and muddled. “W-Wait, daddy! S-Still sensitive!”

“I don’t give a fuck,” Hitoshi growled darkly, still pumping away in your throat. “You wanna fuck with me? Then you’ve gotta face the consequences. Now fuckin’ cum, you dumb little slut.”

And you did. God, you did. Your third orgasm of the night came like a damn tsunami as it crashed into your body. Warmth spread throughout your entire being, making your toes curl and muscles spasm as you came all over yourself while Hitoshi stayed deep in your throat. Your moans and whimpers were muffled around his cock, the sensations vibrating against the sensitive parts of his cock. He moaned and swore at the pleasurable vibrations, his balls growing heavier against your chin.

When your orgasm finally faded and you began to settle into the afterglow, Hitoshi slid out of your throat. His dick bobbed slightly against his inner thigh, slick in your spit and twitching. “I didn’t cum,” he breathlessly explained, “but I don’t want to. Not till I’m deep in that pussy where I belong.” He leaned in toward you then until his nose brushed yours. “Until I’m deep in my pussy.”

‘Yes,’ your conscious mind thought. ‘Your pussy. All yours.’ The fact that you thought such a thing was shocking to you. You passed it off as a side effect of Hitoshi’s quirk or the fact that you were delirious with lust, but you knew all of that was bullshit. You knew even if this never happened again, you could never find a man who would make you feel this way: so okay with being vulnerable; so willing to submit. There would be no other like Hitoshi Shinso.

You didn’t know if it was love, but goddamn, did you love this.

“Wanna go up now?” he asked, giving you such a sweet smile that you nearly started crying. You nodded frantically and he proceeded to get you ready. He first untied your hands and wrists, then had you stand up on the bed.

After giving you time to get the blood flowing back into your limbs, he coaxed you into putting one leg up onto one of the bedposts at the bottom of the bed. Once you did, he securely tied one end of his scarf to your ankle and the other up on the bedpost. You were then standing with one leg up on the bed and the little hops you did made Hitoshi laugh.

Letting you hold onto him for balance, he did the same to one of your wrists–he let it dangle from another one of his scarves securely tied to the iron bars forming a roof above the canopy of the bed. He did the same to your other ankle and wrist, tying them up and letting them dangle. He also tied some scarves to your knees, forcing them to bend so your legs wouldn’t lock. Once he was finished, he stayed standing on the bed in front of you, smirking proudly. “Now you’re exactly like a little robe bunny,” he darkly chuckled.

You said nothing, but you didn’t know what you’d say if you could. The predicament you were in was indescribable and quite embarrassing, to say the least–you were hanging meters above the bed with your arms and legs splayed out so your titties and pussy were on full display for the lavender-haired man standing in front of you. You felt completely and utterly exposed. And you loved every minute of it. The mix of arousal and fear in your stomach was an intoxicating and confusing cocktail, fogging up your head even more.

Hitoshi stepped closer to you, taking one of your feet into his hand. “Still on the pill?” he asked. You nodded, glad you didn’t stop taking the birth control even though you hadn’t had any kind of sexual contact with anyone since you and Hitoshi fought two weeks ago. He nodded in approval and kissed your foot. “Light, baby,” he ordered though his tone was gentle.

“Green, sir,” you replied, giving your fingers and toes a wiggle to show him you were okay. Slowly, he positioned his hips in between your dangling legs, his still-hard cock pressing against your inner thigh.

He cupped your face into both of his calloused hands, holding your gaze with his. “You did so well takin’ me, gorgeous. You’re so, so good to me.” He pecked your lips sweetly, making you drunk off his taste. “Now let me be good to you.” He then took his dick into his hand from the base and, eyes locked with yours, ran it against your overly-sensitive, needy little clit. “You still want this?” he cooed teasingly at you. “You still want this dick?”

Your clit twitched and ached, your pussy gushing around air as it begged for Hitoshi’s cock. “Yes, please, Hitoshi!” you pleaded, toes curling and muscles clenched. “Please fuck me! C-Can’t take anymore! I’ve earned it! I’ve been a good girl!”

Hitoshi gave you a wolfish grin, his hands gripping your hips. “Yes, you have,” he chuckled, and then, without warning, he was sliding inside of your exposed, wet, needy pussy. After two weeks without feeling him, it was a bit of a stretch. Your mouth fell open into a silent gasp as you felt your pussy stretch around his head, then to the inches he continued to add.

“Fuck, you’re so tight!” Hitoshi swore through a hiss. “And so wet for me. Such a naughty little slut.” He began to slowly move his hips, giving you time to adjust. “My dumb little girl.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss to your breast. “My good, perfect doll.” He took your hard nipple into his mouth. “For me to hold and play with.” He bit your nipple, the sharp sting making you whine. “And break.”

Once you were fully adjusted to his size, he sunk in deeper and proceeded to fuck you while you hung from his scarves. Your pussy squeezed and flexed around his shaft as he pounded into you again and again, his hips angled just perfectly so his pelvis rubbed against your aching clit with every thrust. “That feels so good, doesn’t it?” he teased. “Bet you’d let me do this all the time. Let me keep you here forever. Bet you’d even let me breed that pretty pussy if I just keep fucking you, right?”

You couldn’t think. You couldn’t even breathe. He kept knocking the wind out of your lungs with every merciless thrust that sent you further into the stratosphere. With your legs forcefully spread out the way they were, you were forced to take every inch of him that slid in and out of you. The lewd sounds of skin slapping against skin and your wet pussy gushing around his cock filled the air, making you throw your head back. You were about to blackout from this. “‘T-Toshi,” you moaned breathlessly, your eyes fluttering shut.

Hitoshi laughed at you as he picked up speed, now bottomed out inside of you. He leaned in towards you, his face like a full moon rising in the night. “What?” he snickered, his hot breath fanning your face. “Is my little bunny goin’ dumb from my dick? You like bein’ my stupid little slut?” He went even faster, pounding into you at a breakneck pace that had you seeing stars and your pussy quivering gratefully for it.

You were losing it, going completely dumb from the sensations and Hitoshi’s ever-so-persuasive quirk and control. “Y-Yes!” you deliriously babbled, your toes clenched as yet another orgasm approached. “Yes, ooh, I love it! I love bein’ your stupid little slut! I’m yours, Hitoshi, I promise!”

You were completely cum drunk, your mind muddled and your body turning to mush. “Gonna cum again!” you sobbed, eyes squeezed shut and head tossed back to the ceiling. Hitoshi didn’t let up. In fact, he only went harder, gripping your ass and smashing his pelvis onto that clit as he fucked you hard. “Show me then,” he commanded. “Show me how much of a stupid fuckin’ whore you are for me and cum all over my dick. Cum for me, you pretty, brainless lil’ slut!”

Those words sent you right over the edge. You tumbled down, down, down into the sea of bliss that was waiting for you. When you came for the fourth fucking time that night, you did it on a scream that tore from your lungs and echoed throughout Hitoshi’s apartment. He slowed down enough to let you ride it out, staring at your face with the softest expression you’ve ever seen on him.

Once your orgasm began to fade and your muscles unclenched, he gripped your hips and started to drive into you again. Never mind how your pussy spasmed and clamped down around his cock in protest, or how you screamed and whined in protest. “Not yet,” he growled as he began to pound into you again with vigor. “Not fuckin’ yet. Not until you’re spent and cum-drunk. Not until you’re good and punished for your bullshit.”

You were crying, pleading, begging him. For what exactly, you had no idea. Did you want him to stop or keep going? The lines between wanting it and not were blurred, your four orgasms and Hitoshi’s quirk making your brain a complete puddle. “Daddy, please!” you begged tearfully. “Sorry! I’m so, so sorry!”

He leaned in toward you, so close you could see the line sheen of sweat on his forehead. “Tell me why you did it,” he grunted in your face. “Tell me why you play with my feelings like this. Tell me why you really wanted that break.”

His quirk took hold of you, gripping your mind and forcing you to comply. “Because…” You hiccuped between a sob as he continued to pound and stroke your pussy, the lewd, wet sounds of your sex filling the air. “Please, Hitoshi,” you begged. “Don’t.”

His hand suddenly shot out and wrapped around your throat. Your mouth fell open on a gasp as he squeezed. “Save it,” he growled. “You don’t get to make the rules now. I do, and I’m tellin’ you to tell me the truth.” He slowed down his thrusts, going painfully slow, his cock sliding in and out of you at a torturous speed (which was none at all). He was teasing you, forcing you to reveal your dirty little secret. “Tell me if you wanna cum.”

You started crying then. The hold he had on you was too great. The truth settled on your tongue, the urge to reveal everything pushing through your conscious mind. “Because I was scared!” you sobbed, tears streaming down your face. “I was scared by how much I cared for you. I wanted something real with you too, ‘Toshi!”

Hitoshi stopped moving for a moment. He only started at you for a beat, his eyes wide with astonishment and confusion. You probably looked a mess right now–makeup fucked up, mascara dripping down your cheeks, pussy soaked and pulsating around his dick. You were sure now that he knew the truth, he’d stop this entire thing because of how long you’d been fucking around with him.

But none of that happened. In fact, the exact opposite occurred. He gripped your head with one hand and slammed his lips against yours as he slid into you, so deep that his balls touched your ass. You moaned into the passionate kiss he gave you, your pussy pulsing around him. He pulled away, wearing a firm expression and holding a fire in his eyes that almost frightened you.

“No more bullshit after this, you hear me?” he asked, his voice strained. “We can’t be friends after this. My heart couldn’t take it, Y/N.” Before you could even process his words, he settled his hips against yours and kissed your neck as he nuzzled it. “Now do me a favor and fuckin’ cum all over my dick while I cum inside of you.”

He began to work his hips again, slamming his cock in you again and again. The noises leaving your lips were a mess of moans and delirious giggles, your clit almost being tickled from his pelvis as he fucked you.

“Tell me who the fuck my good girl is,” he commanded. “Tell me whose a good rope bunny for me. Whose a good doll to play with?” He licked his hand and slid it between you both, proceeding to rub at your sensitive, pulsing clit.

“M-Me!” you deliriously giggled. “I’m your good girl, your rope bunny, your good doll! I’ll be everything you want me to be, sir!” Hitoshi’s gaze darkened as he stared into your eyes, showing you all of him as you showed him all of you. “Oh, my God, I’m gonna fuck you up,” he promised before holding you up by your ankles and drilling himself inside of you again and again.

And oh, boy, was he. You don’t think you had ever been fucked by him this way: so passionately and so desperately. His hands gripped your hips so tight that you were you had bruises and he took every moment he had to kiss you, his tongue sliding and swirling against yours. You were losing your shit–your body was tingling, each cell coming to life from the sheer pleasure you felt; your muscles felt like they were shot with tranquilizer with how loose they felt; your mind was completely blank. But your heart was full and each time it pounded, it pounded for him.

Hitoshi wrapped a hand around your throat and squeezed again, once again restricting your breathing. “Show me,” he ordered, his voice strained and completely feral. “Show me how good you are. God, baby doll, your pussy is stroking me so good!” He hooked one arm around your ass and pistoned into you again and again, signaling his oncoming orgasm too.

“Cum with me,” he growled against your lips. “Fuckin’ cum with me, baby!”

You didn’t know whether it was his quirk or the way he sounded–so desperate and urgent–that made you cum all over his cock. But when it did, you knew this would be the one that would put you out like a light later. You screamed so hard that your throat went raw and your body clenched tightly, your core tightening then unraveling as you came all over Hitoshi’s dick.

“Cumming!” he gasped. “Fuck, I’m cumming!” He slammed into you faster and harder until he finally busted inside of you, his cock swelling then exploding finally.

Ropes of hot cum shot into your pussy, making you silently gasp at the warmth you felt envelope you. He came so much that it dripped down your asscrack and coated your inner thighs. Hitoshi moaned, cussed, and shouted your name as he came undone, gripping you so close to him that you lost your breath.

He filled you to the brim with cum until he couldn’t anymore. But he still held onto you like he was afraid you’d disappear. You felt him tremble slightly against you, his kisses soft against your heated skin. “You’re mine,” he whispered tenderly against your neck. “You’re all mine, you hear?”

You didn’t answer. You physically couldn’t, too far gone in the high to come down. But you did eventually, and when you did, you came down hard. Your body froze and your temperature dropped, making you shiver against Hitoshi. He must have noticed this change too because he pulled away from you. “Baby doll?” he murmured worriedly.

The hold he had on your brain was now broken. You had full control over yourself now, but even so, you still couldn’t get a good hold on yourself. It felt like your brain and body were fighting against each other. You knew you were experiencing the aftermath of a very intense session with Hitoshi, but you’ve never felt this before. It was scary. You looked into Hitoshi’s worried eyes and opened your mouth, not sure what to say but knowing you just wanted to speak to him.

He pressed a finger to your lips, stopping you. “Don’t speak,” he urged. “Lemme get you down, okay?” Hurriedly, he slid his softened dick out of you and began to quickly untie you. He started with your legs and then worked on your wrists. You wanted to rub out the ache you felt in them, but your body was too exhausted to do so.

He then untied the rest of your body, got you a glass of water which you gratefully sipped from, and then coaxed you to lie down under the black comforter that covered the bed. It felt like cool silk against your heated, sweaty skin.

“Come here,” he cooed as he wrapped his arms around you. You laid against his chest, your ear pressed to his pounding heart. “It’s okay. Just let it come, baby. Just let it come.” The sound of his heartbeat against your ear took you down from your high more and more with each second until soon, your mind was clear and you felt like yourself again.

You softly mewed like a kitten against his chest and snuggled into him, wanting him close. “Shh,” he shushed you. “Just rest. I’m right here, baby. I’m right here. I’ll always be here.” You smiled tiredly and gratefully at his sweet words. You wanted to thank him, but sleep just had other plans for you. You were out immediately, snuggled up against Hitoshi as the rain raged on outside.

*******

You didn’t know what time you woke up, but you knew it was sometime later.

It was still dark, but the rain had stopped. You heard nothing in Hitoshi’s darkened bedroom–only the sound of your soft breathing as you awakened. At some point, Hitoshi had turned out the light, but you didn’t remember when. You barely remembered anything, let alone why you were naked. You also smelled faintly of lavender soap and massage oil which you also didn’t remember using.

“You’re awake.” You turned at the sound of the familiar, delicious voice behind you, finding Hitoshi sitting up against the headboard, staring down at you with those violet eyes. “You’ve been asleep for only an hour. I cleaned you up and massaged your muscles while you were out. You were, uh…quite a mess.” He smirked at you in the darkness.

That explained why you felt so clean and relaxed. You didn’t say anything for a while–you just stared at him, your eyes adjusting more to the darkness to see the outline of his face and eyes. “How do you feel?” he asked softly.

Though the question was quite simple, you found that you didn’t have a real answer for him. “Um…” You struggled to find the words to describe how you felt then. Good? Satisfied? No, that wouldn’t be truthful, because you still felt that emptiness inside of you as you stared at Hitoshi, knowing tonight was the last night you could truly be like this. With anyone.

“Good,” you replied, attempting to fight the tears as you gave him a false smile. “Really, really good…” But your emotions had other plans for you. Your smile trembled and tears pushed past your eyesockets. You immediately hid your face from Hitoshi as the tears began to break. “Fuck!” you snapped into your hands. “This wasn’t supposed to happen!”

“Hey, hey,” Hitoshi cooed, putting a hand on your thigh. “What do you mean, darlin’?” He gently pried your hands away from your face, showing your tear-soaked cheeks to him.

You sniffled, staring down at the comforter you and him laid underneath. “Tonight was supposed to be the last night,” you confessed. “For this.” You ticked a finger between you and him.

“I knew there was no way we could be friends after doing what we’ve been doing, and I didn’t want us to be more ‘cause I was so scared you’d hurt me or that I’d hurt you!” The words flew out of you, desperate to be released like curses in Pandora’s Box.

There it was: the truth. Out in the open. Your heart pounded as you anticipated Hitoshi’s reaction. For a minute, he stared at you, astonished. “Wow,” he huffed. “That was a lot to unpack. However, you did admit a lot of it during our scene while you were suspended.” You blinked at him, trying to remember what you said. “I did?” you asked, mortified.

Hitoshi gave you a sheepish look as he scratched the back of his neck. “I kinda persuaded you to do it,” he confessed. “Or rather commanded you.”

He took your hands in yours, squeezing them tightly. “I just wanted to truth because I’m fuckin’ crazy about you, Y/N! I couldn’t do this with another woman even if I wanted to. You stay in my mind, so much that I thought you brainwashed me too.”

He put a hand to your cheek and stroked his thumb across it gently. “You have me, baby.” He held his eyes with yours, and in them was a sea of tenderness and adoration that teetered just so on the edge of love. You were taken aback at this. “Hitoshi…” The tears continued to flow as utter passion exploded within you, causing you to throw yourself at him.

“You have me too,” you whispered, the tears still streaming down your face. “I’m so sorry,” you softly sobbed into his chest. “I didn’t want to hurt you.” Hitoshi hushed you and cradled your head to his chest. He held you close and rocked you like his baby as he finally calmed down, soothed by the scent of him and his beating heart. When you finally recovered, he smiled down at you. “Feelin’ better?” he asked.

You nodded, wiping at your wet cheeks. “So…what now?” you laughed, realizing that you were now way past FWBs. You were now real. Really real.

Hitoshi hummed thoughtfully to himself. “Well, we didn’t finish all of that Moscato yet, and I think Netflix has some new movies out we can either make fun of or really pay attention to.” He curled an arm under your legs and coaxed you into his lap. “And then maybe, if you’re up for it, we can make up for those two weeks we didn’t have each other.” He ran his lips along your jawline, making you shiver.

“Mmm, that sounds like a plan,” you purred, tilting your face up to kiss his chin. You ran a finger along his jawline, loving the way his eyes grew hooded. “As long as it’s with you.”

Hitoshi’s gaze darkened, the switch in his demeanor creating a familiar warm feeling in your core. “Keep talkin’ like that and you definitely won’t be walkin’ tomorrow,” he promised before pressing an earth-shattering, toe-curling kiss to your lips. Meaning he meant that shit. And you knew it.

You were counting on it.

THE END.

#shinso x black reader #hitoshi x black reader #bnha smut #black coded reader #black fanfic writer #smutty smut #my fic shit #my works #black writers #one shots

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pixiestickers · 6 months

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I was tagged by @theangrypomeranian Thanks!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3: 52

2. What's your total word count? 813,389

3. What fandoms do you write for?

atm it's Hunter x Hunter with wips in Over the Garden Wall, Futurama, and Lord of the Rings. I got my start writing Twilight fanfic on fanfiction.net and occasionally write for Star Wars when the mood is right. There are past fandoms, but I don't feel like naming them all.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos:

Okay, there is a problem. Two of my fics that are in my top 5 are also like ptsd for me from a bad fandom, so I am leaving them off this list despite their high kudo count. Right now I have them viewable only to AO3 users and you can't comment on them bc I just don't want to be reminded of them, but also am not strong enough to take them down. So anyway ... here's my edited top 5.

Blame it on the Nargles (Harry Potter)

If You're Lonely, Press Play (Over the Garden Wall)

The One With The Slaps (Friends)

Change Heartache Into Courage (Twilight)

The L Word (Twilight)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to unless the comment is kinda unhinged. I once had a really nice comment that switched gears midway thru to start in on a campaign to save the show my fic was based on getting nasty abt the network that canceled it and it just went off the rails, so in my head I was like thank u for that nice beginning but I'm just gonna walk slowly backwards away from this.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Even my saddest fics have some sort of silver lining. I don't like leaving my characters suffering w/o any hope. So probably the AU I wrote to my own otgw canon where I kill Beatrice off (Not) A Happy Story is the angstiest, but there's some hope by the end.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

idk I'm kind of partial to the ending of my iasip fic My Fair Charlie bc these are two characters who have been thru a lot in their lives and the scene in Charlie's room where he shows Dee his memory box is just sorta cute and innocent and gives me feelings.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

In the fandom that shall not be named, I got some. I never got any hate when I originally wrote for Twilight on ff.net but when I updated my fic from there to AO3 I got some.

9. Do you write smut?

Not really no. A handful of times and it's just sorta okay. I'm more of a write an intense lead-up and then fade to black writer. I'll leave the smut to ppl who can actually write it well (ie not me).

10. Do you write crossovers?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes! It was so weird. There was another Twilight fic that I was writing that I had let sit for a few years and then someone messaged me that it had been stolen, the names changed and put on some anime fanfic website. The person knew bc the name Jasper kept popping up in that person's fic when there was no character named Jasper. They thought that was weird so they googled a portion of the fic and mine came up. Anways, I messaged the site, but who knows if they did anything abt it and anyway, I took that particular fic down since I'm not in the fandom anymore and won't ever finish it.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

My Twilight fic 'Change Heartache Into Courage' has been translated a few times.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No. I'm a lone wolf.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

I mean it changes all the time, but I suppose if you want to know the couple that has the highest word count from me since this is a fanfic meme then that would be Wirt and Beatrice.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I have a 38k 'Dragon Prince' fic that's been sitting since 2021. I'm not in the fandom anymore and got rid of Netflix, so even if I wanted to write my ability to watch the show is hindered. Still, I like the character development I wrote and maybe one day in the future I'll work on it again, but as of now, it's probably going to sit collecting dust for a v long time.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Long inner monologues and flirty, fluffy banter

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action, smut, and moving plot forward. I just want these characters to talk, not actually get anything done.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

Haven't done it

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Created a gender-swapped Aladdin AU when I was 13. Wrote 'Hey Arnold' fic in a HA forum in my teens. Posted my first "official" fanfic (Twilight) to livejournal when I was 28 then moved it over the ff.net midway thru the year and a half it took me to write it.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

A Perfect Sonnet bc even tho it's like 8 fics deep into my iylpp universe, I worked really hard to world-build and make it more high fantasy than fluffy slice-of-life stuff like I usually did for them. I'm not sure if I succeeded but I am proud of the effort I made.

I am trying to remember my mutuals who also write fic. Most are barely on tumblr anymore, but I'll tag who I can remember: @justme--emily @trashangel-dee @221bdisneystreet @america-oreosandkitkats @spectraling

#about me #fanfic #meme #this took way too long to do lol

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debbiechanclub · 10 months

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AO3 is down so I finally finished reading over here. I take my time, sorry. So Finlay is endgame huh? Nellie and David make sense. She seems more secure with him than the others. David just knows what he wants so I'm glad she finally found herself a real man that's gonna lock it down. Jay missed out and I hope it's killing him that she's with David. Now Riley...he really can't do anything right. Kissing her when she was sad and drunk was a big no-no. Nellie stepping over his stuff was SAVAGE. I'm already rooting for evil Nellie 😈

No worries!!! Thank you SO much for reading and taking your time to send this. I know AO3 is down, but I've been thinking in the back of my head that people haven't said much to me about this fic because they lowkey hate what I've done 😅 So this means a lot to me. But yes, David is endgame. And while I'm not gonna sit here and lie that my own personal bias toward him had absolutely nothing to do with that decision, a lot of thought actually went into it. And since you sent this ask, I'm gonna go through and explain individually why all of Nellie's other love interests just weren't it for anyone who may be wondering! (And reveal just how different things could have turned out 😅)

Okay so first up: Jay. There was a point in time where Jay was endgame. You remember that teaser scene I posted where someone is reluctantly congratulating Nellie for being engaged? Jay put the ring there (and Zack was the person speaking). And to be perfectly honest, if I had finished this fic before Jay lost the IWGP title and left NJPW for real, he probably would have remained endgame. But then he left, and I started thinking about how Nellie's whole life is in Japan, and how her career would really just be starting to take off right around when Jay left. And then I started thinking about how he really didn't treat her that well at all, and I realized her taking him back would have looked so spineless. And so I started looking elsewhere for Nellie's endgame.

Now, I still have to write Jay's arc, and there's still some stuff going on between him and Nellie in that. But she's definitely going to keep him at arm's length, and he's going to lowkey try to sabotage her getting together with David (which I alluded to a bit in the first flashback scene). So Jay and Nellie's story definitely isn't done as written yet.

Next up: Kyle. Like Jay, there was a (brief) moment in time where Kyle was endgame! HOWEVER. I base my fics as much in reality as possible re: schedules and real storylines/fueds, etc. And after Kyle and Nellie hookup in fall 2021, based on Kyle's actual schedule (as detailed on Cagematch; I fucking live on that site) and what I had in mind for Nellie, they don't see each other again for a whole ass year. And by the time they do see each other again, Nellie is already in the process of reconnecting with David. (Yes, reconnecting! They go on a date wayyy back in 2017 during Nellie's first trip to Japan, which I also have plans to write about.) And actually, Kyle plays a part in Nellie realizing she has feelings for David—which is yet another thing I plan to write about. (It might be a flashback scene in part 2, actually.)

But to sum up Kyle and Nellie: right person, wrong time. It really is kind of bittersweet. And I wrote a REALLY long scene establishing Kyle as endgame that I might just post as a bonus because I worked hard on it and like it and don't just want to scrap it.

Zack. There's honestly not much to say here. Zack and Nellie have hella chemistry, but they don't work as a couple (outside the bedroom 🤭). And that's basically the entire reason they don't get back together despite Zack being the only one of Nellie's love interests/exes who lives in Japan. He was never (seriously) considered to be an option for endgame (despite that Cruel Summer fic I wrote that I regret every time I remember it 🙃). I do plan on writing a bit about when they were together before they realized they weren't right for each other, though.

And last and maybe least. Riley. Riley was never endgame. (After the rewrite) He was never anything more than a casual ongoing hookup for Nellie before she got together with Zack. But like I've written, she has a soft spot for him because she pities him a bit, I think 😂 That being said, her stepping over his things on the way to the Bullet Club locker room was absolutely a deliberate choice on my part.

So yeah, there's my long-ass explainer, and I hope it helps anyone who may be thinking I just willy nilly threw Nellie together with David. And thank you again for reading and seeing my vision. It means more than you know 💖

#asks #there's some good stuff under the cut if you read my fics #OR if you're just curious!!!

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hayleys-house · 3 months

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I got a LOT done today. It might have something to do with the fact that I got up before 1 pm today, or the iced coffee I had, but I actually have somewhat of a blog post in store today!

I woke up this morning and cleaned up a little, but I do that mindlessly, so eventually I tore myself away and got ready for the day around 10am. My favorite part about being up that early is seeing the sun super bright, and I especially love going out early in the day because 9x/10 my car will be nice and warm! That's just a silly plus.

I went to this boutique place to see if they were open, but just my luck, they're closed on Mondays. I love the sun, but I hate Mondays in general, especially early Mondays. Nothing is open, and I'm a day-driver only. I never do this, but today after that, nothing felt suitable. My day plans got spoiled and so I just drove. Originally, I was going to go to Barnes and Noble, but it was 11 in the morning, and I didn't have any of my supplies with me to do any kind of design, or read, or write, so I drove off, eventually finding my way to a park I always go to with my boyfriend, Brandon. I didn't even end up going all the way there, I took a random right turn and kept driving. I get really turned around where I live, even though I've been here three years, so I like to practice by seeing where I can drive without maps, and try to get home. This time, I was just trying different ways, and I have to say- I'm very impressed with how well I did despite how little I've been out recently.

I tried the new Dunkin’ iced coffee today- the DunKing. I got it with oat milk and sugar (yes, it already came with cold-foam, french vanilla swirl, and vanilla syrup) because I like sweet coffee and Dunkin’ notoriously has very bitter coffee if you don't sweeten it enough, and that's coming from a (very sad I don't work there anymore) ex-Dunkin' employee. This coffee though, I sipped it, and audibly said "Mmmm!". I am really picky with my coffee (as well as basically everything I eat) so if it gets my stamp of approval, consider it at least decent.

When I got home, I decided to just settle down and work on the site. It's now 10pm, so I've put in a solid 8 hours today of just coding, and I can't believe how much I've learned in the little amount of time I've been doing this, and with no java-script, just like I said I would do:) I think I just wanted to prove that I could do it, and now that I did, I think I'll work on a second project of some kind, probably for a personal cause.

;I'm getting tired, so I'll probably save this second project for tomorrow and dive into some Walking Dead for the night. If you actually read this far, I hope you like my site!

and Mom, if you're reading this, I'm gonna ask about that gif for proof!! (It matches my newly embedded song on the main page!)

Until next time

hayley

#blog #blog post

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ringleaderising · 3 months

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@dissentersrising // I LIED HERE ARE QUESTIONS FAST

okay. first off: magic system! i am always curious about this. are you just using site canon entirely? have you changed the way magic works at all? if you have, in what way/how does it work now?

also! the wicked dig: what's their deal? what are they doing about what they accidentally unearthed/do they even know what they accidentally unearthed? hell, what is their plans about digging up something decidedly living? infamous as they are, too, is anyone else keeping tabs on this digsite in the first place given exactly who's mining it?

I'm gonna go ahead and note that this is gonna be a long as fuck post so I'm putting the Wicked Dig under a cut LMAO

Also if anybody reads this feel free to talk at me about it in tags/replies or whatever because this much writing feels like I missed something and will need to clarify @dissentersrising you made me do more writing than NaNoWriMo last year and that's cause for a gold star I think.

MAGIC IN THE GAPLANDS

While I borrow a good handful of the on-site lore for magic, specifically in the realm of magical attunement often being tied to birthright/location, the things that can be done with this magic, and alternate kinds of magic exist among the dragons that inhabit the Gaplands- especially The Host. Their abilities are often far more detrimental than simple elemental magic, The Puppeteer can imbue a sense of false-life into the dead and use the resulting entity to interact with the world without the requirement of finding her way through a gap. The Gambler can manipulate the probability of anything occurring, for better or worse, no matter how improbable, through a single roll of his dice. These more 'impressive' talents are present in each member of The Host, and are used to control or punish those who break their deals- or that they've simply taken a vested interest in- however I feel like some of these things could easily still be explained away with some form of elemental magic, which is why I think my largest deviation is definitely the Analog Virus/Technomancy/Temporal Manipulation- which is connected to Hope Adder Enterprises.

The Analog Virus is an infection spread via the INTRUDER and a newly surfaced disease in the wake of The Splintering. it has a number of symptoms, variant in most of the affected, but there's a handful of commonalities.

Mouths altered, be that made wider, too-full of teeth, splintering into multiple parts to operate more like mandibles/that thing Predator's mouth does.

Eyes sunken deeper in the sockets/vanishing completely, Irises developing a strange looping pattern or an odd glow- additional eyes in places they shouldn't be.

Body parts that don't make sense, or are enveloped in static/blurry/scan lines like an old tube TV experiencing difficulty getting a feed.

Garbled, reversed, or fuzzy speech, strange behavior out of the infected's norm typically ending in violence against family, friends, or other people simply trying to help.

Strange magical talents and attunement to technology, in the event that the infection doesn't simply kill those suffering from it outright.

Essentially a computer virus capable of infecting people, the Analog Virus has led to a number of dragons with magical attunement to attempt to heal or cope with their illness- and that's led to a new form of magic most similar to the idea of Technomancy. Not connected to the idea of electrical impulse through things and more tied to the presence of code, and technology on the whole, it's often misunderstood as an offshoot of Lightning magic, despite being something wholly different.

The most talented Technomancers at present, however, are AI themselves, or bonded to an AI, in some form, as is the case with MIND. Technically Bastian's assistive AI, (Contained within a Black Iron Creeper) MIND is a splintered portion of VAN- the AI responsible for The Splintering- and has the ability to 'infest' the bodies of robotic entities, augmented dragons, or really, anything with a chip, code, or metal embedded within- the body she inhabits outside of "Drone Mode" is the body of a deceased H.A.E. test subject killed in the initial accident, referred to as "The Hivemistress" in discussions about her deployments, She's only been required to use this body a small number of times, as her abilities are just as prevalent in the shell of the Creeper. Bast's infection has given the two of them something of a Pseudo-telepathy- allowing Bast to look through her eyes in cases of espionage.

And with the discovery of technomancy, and within the aftermath of the splintering, Avis Gyldwell discovered Temporal magic. Little's really known about it, beyond the fact that Only Bastian has permission to use the T.I.M.E. Device outside of Hope Adder grounds, and that it's lasting effects on those without the Analog Virus has been determined to be 'too high risk for any value to come from it'. The T.I.M.E. pieces- designed to appear like highly advanced pocket watches are capable of setting 3 points in time and space to 'reset' to- Alpha, Beta, and Gamma. "Loop Point Alpha" is permanent, a set point in time mere seconds after The Splintering occurred. Hope Adder Enterprises sits trapped inside this point in time, those inside well-aware of each loop they've jumped back on, and the time that's passed, suspended in place by VAN. Thirteen, and her 'sister' XIII are the attendants of this pocket- named for "The 13th Hour" not present on a 12-hour clock- a time that simply shouldn't exist.

And by god that's all I've got for the Magic System- which really is just The Host and Hope Adder breaking every known rule of the universe now that I write it down, so I will be putting the Wicked Dig under a cut because I am SORRY I talk so much.

THE DIAMOND AND THE DIG

To understand the Diamond Riot- the crew behind the Wicked Dig, it's best to start with Mal.

Mal is not the originator of The Diamond Riot- he was little more than a child, when his predecessor took him in, an orphan hustling on the streets of Lanternlea to try and make a living. Talented in manipulation even then, he was quickly made an asset to the crew, and when the time came that the rest of the crew grew too old-or met a deadly end- Mal took the role of leader- and recruited the members of the Diamond Riot that work with him presently. A group of rustlers, thieves and grave robbers too stubborn to die, it's their willingness to do anything for survival that keeps the plague ideals of Mal's mentor alive within them- And it's part of the glittering blue stones that made up Mother Misery's scar-battered frame that now replaces his front horn- picked from her body upon her death.

They are, at their core, adventurers, but in the way that Indiana Jones was only the hero of his story because the people around him were even more reprehensible, they're selfish, driven by their own gain, over a respect for the cultures and people they're stealing from- a behavior that has served them well with exception of injuries simply replaced and limped on from- at least until this excursion.

Hired by the mysterious Arizona, Mal and his crew- currently made up of the guardian couple that shares him as a charge, Shuck and Tearmarsh, and his own adoptive daughter Rezonant have found themselves in Dragonhome, operating largely in the pitch-darkness, to avoid any questions from locals- but those who recognize them- or have any particular issues with their presence are typically turned away from any sort of troublemaking for the crew by the threat of 'having something very very painful done to your body' by one of Mal's heavies- The threat of "Having a Stoneshatter Drill run through you" alone is scary enough- when it's made by a Guardian who could probably break you to pieces without the drill- most don't like the Diamond Riot- but still more are not brave or fool enough to interfere.

But their propensity for robbing graves and interference with the Dead for their belongings has, as mentioned- caught up with them, and it started with awakening Micte and Chel. A pair of Auraboa guardians of the thing that slumbered in the tombs they disturbed, the duo were initially assumed to be the only thing slumbering within, agitated by their awakening but doing little more than offering a hissed warning to delve no further into the dim, dusty halls of the tomb- A warning expressly ignored, as blinded by the glittering riches worn as adornments on the snake women, Mal insisted they push on.

That which slumbers below is an Imperial... Or several, perhaps. A massive, sprawling creature made of thousands- Colloquially known as The Child it was nothing but a rumor for centuries, causing quakes across Dragonhome and buried deep enough that it was assumed it would never be found again- an assumption foiled by the Diamond Riot.

The member of The Host who's eyes they've drawn is none other than Mithos- As The Calcite Nursery is his domain. And The Child his monstrous, fused progeny.

The Child is weak, exhausted, rotten from centuries beneath the earth, but their father is always listening, and The Heathen's blessing winds them in magic, gold, and flora- stirs the rot to life- They will protect their home against intruders, and as light seeps into their labyrinth from above- thousands of minds cry out for one thing: Escape.

So it is perhaps a good thing that another with no fear of the Diamond Riot was, in fact, keeping tabs on them. Daisy "The Daggerless" Bandy is something of a folk-hero around Earth Territory, a traveling explorer who's morals are a good bit less gray than the Riot's, Daggerless knows of The Child and it's resting place- and had for a time, ensured no one approached it. Foolishly, she trusted Mal long enough for a night of passion- and he stole away the artifact required to enter the depths of the Nursery. Blessed by Lacrymosa to never fall in battle, she has become something of an unwitting champion to what seems to be The Host's single benevolent goddess- And The Warmistress wants The Child slain.

Reluctantly, Daggerless will do as she's called to- even if it means saving Mal's two-timing ass in the process.

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greenjokwe-blog · 3 months

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Monthly Greejily Media (January 2024) - The First of Who Knows

God I hate Twitter. I mean I still use it way more than any other social media, but I'm so tired of it man. From all the recent mistakes, to how posts get popular, to how it and TikTok's business decisions have infected the entire tech industry at large. All that and more is good enough reason to move my media threads away from that platform, but truth be told I'm only so moved by these things in that regard. Nah, more than anything, the format for media threads on that site just got tiring for me. Feeling the need to fit in everything into a single tweet, the want to put every single media I've consumed in one place even if I'm not particularly moved or interested in the updating process. So, I thought this'd be much nicer. Having a little section on my Tumblr dedicated to the stuff that's interested me the most, on a monthly basis. A lot more appealing! And that way I can talk about whatever I want for as long as I want. Fantastic. This probably won't stop my full reviews (there are still a few I want to write, but writer's block is getting to me right now), but this is definitely a more flexible format for me at least for now. Let's start shall we?

I might as well start with video games, as it's the thing I tend to talk about most on this blog, but truth be told I haven't actually beaten a single game this year yet. There's one game I'm currently working on beating, but because I'll be taking a more casual approach to that one (as well as gaming in general this year I imagine), I'm not comfortable talking about that one yet. Two games I'll talk about for now though, and will definitely probably come up again I will discuss though, one of those being Picross 3D.

I've never been invested in Picross but I've always found it a good time. I love all kinds of old puzzle solvers and Picross/nonograms in general have been a great, shockingly modern version of that that fit amazingly for video games. Picross 3D has felt like the perfect culmination of what Picross has achieved for years, and seeing the praise for it I knew this would be a great step for me getting into more of Picross in general, and I was right.

There's not much I can really add here, I feel no need to explain what Picross is and not much to add to it's actual gameflow other than its so addicting and there's so much of it here. I'm approaching halfway through right now and this game has nearly 400 puzzles. Each puzzle is like a trance, they all have logical and sensical solutions, and the satisfaction of finding a discrepancy, deleting/saving blocks as needed, and realizing you've just opened a whole new set of options for yourself feels amazing.

I only have two issues with it as of right now, one of them being because this game was made with a DS in mind, and because there are no zoom-in options for the game, trying to get the correct block to delete can often feel very finicky. The other issue being, well I can't play too much of it! I start seeing Picross when I close my eyes and it comes up with unsolvable puzzles! I'll talk about my future adventures with Picross no doubt in the future though, so get ready.

Another game I've been into, and you should expect to see again in these posts, is Burnout 3: Takedown. Again, probably not gonna say much on this for now, but I already have over one hundred gold medals for the courses in this game. This game has such good variety, despite having a fairly limited number of tracks it makes real good use of it, and it's technical ability for a PS2 game can only been the work of gods. Also it feels amazing to play holy shit. I get why there's never been a new one of these, but the worlds been worse without it.

One thing I will say though, don't be surprised if I write a full review on this game where I inevitably tear the latter Gran Prix to shreds, cuz holy shit the last one I did was so fucking hard. The game has great feel, design and good tells for a PS2 game, but it's still a PS2 game. You can be a god at this game and still get fucked over. But the fact that the game is so tantilizing and the amount of fuckups that can happen with you having a smile on your face... yeah I'll have to make a full review on this game when I 100% it, watch this space.

All right, next up films and television!!!

This is the section I was really excited for. I haven't talked about film at all on this blog, and I wanna make up for it. There's still a TON of films I watched last year that I want to talk about, so don't be surprised if I start making tangent posts about those at some point. More than anything, I want this year to be my film and book year, so expect it to take over all these upcoming posts from now on.

To start with, the show I finally finished, Gundam 00! This was the Gundam series I always wanted to watch even before I knew what the UC was, and now being a huge Gundam fan it's made watching the full series an... interesting reflection. I did post my opinions on the first season after finishing it last year, and I'll stick by those. Despite its problem with plotlines and characters, this show is a great response and reflection of what led to the Iraq war, as well as the war on terrorism in general. Season 1 also ended extremely strong, so Season 2 had a lot to live up to. A lot that I knew, based on a general sense and public opinion that it wouldn't. It ended up with me dropping the show for a few months until I eventually picked it back up after watching Wing rightfully thinking "it can't be any worse".

Thankfully it wasn't! The show picked up a fair bit after the second half, and included a lot of interesting arcs and stories (mainly, the stuff regarding the ALAWS) to consistently keep the show fairly solid. However, there was still a ton of problems. Plots were even messier here than they were during the first season, a huge portion of motivations just got cut in half, the characters are even less likeable here (aside from the worst ones, which are nicer now by comparison), and the main issue of the villains being a LOT less compelling here than they were in season 1, to the point of both detriment of the show and making it feel a lot more standard-Gundam faire, compared to S1's striking originality. However, there's still a lot to like! Again, a lot of the plotlines I liked such as the ALAWS and everything with Marina, the Gundam designs and effects are still solid, animation is nice (even if at points I'd prefer more clearer and concise boarding and battles), and it still carries over a lot of the themes that made Gundam 00 so solid to begin with. So despite it's weakness I'd still say that season 2 is worth the watch, if anything else for more of Setsuna and Graham.

Oh yeah and I uh, watched the movie as well.

OK, slight spoilers ahead, but I'm just gonna get through this very quickly here. This film is dumb. All of the political intrigue of the show is basically gone to make a James Cameron-inspired dumb anime blockbuster. The main villains are a cross between Xenomorphs and Terminators. It's got quip dialogue. There is a scene where they somehow make the comical approach to Allelujah's mental illnesses even more comical by giving him this Hulk-style action switch sequence. The film largely focuses on characters that get no payoff, with Setsuna being the only strong focus throughout. It's dumb. It's shallow. It's a mess. It's also kind of fun??? I can't say it looks visually much better than the show, but what it does have is a fairly simple but strong premise that fits the world fairly well. And whenever something cool happens it manages to make it REALLY cool. So that's always nice. Somehow, still a very satisfying conclusion to the series despite everything that it is, and probably up there somewhere in the middle of the Gundam films I've seen so far.

That was the first of the three films I saw this month, with the other two being not quite as schlocky. In fact, on the complete opposite of the "war is bad" scale, we have the 1957 Soviet film "The Cranes are Flying".

While a much-beloved classic by prestigious classic by many, I knew essentially nothing about this film an hour before I decided to start watching it. When I started watching the film, I was fairly disappointed in how, premise-wise, this film doesn't really have much different from what I wasn't already used to from a variety of war history, poetry, and sad mid-2000s webcomics. As stunning as this film could be with its technical prowess for the 50s, I was worried that this film wouldn't really do much for me. That was until I reached about the halfway point.

The small little trick this film plays with you (that's not really much of a trick, mind you), is extremely potent and gives this film relevancy to this day. Not being just a film about war-torn lovers, this film focuses well and truly on it's main character, Veronika, and all of her strifes and problems that arise either as caused by the war, or by her family. This film goes in to a lot of issues of women's suffrage and plight that you would not expect a film from this era to discuss, and does it with great decorum and respect (although, this came out the same year as Nights of Cabiria, which, wow, what a year for feminist film). There are some scenes in this film that are filled with harrowing emotion that I can definitely see why it's considered such an underground classic, at least as far as the west is concerned.

I think because of the general content of the film there's only so much I can enjoy though, if that makes sense? But that's just an issue for me and old movies in general, nothing against the film itself. I would still absolutely recommend this film to anyone who is interested, as relevant and ever-present now as it ever was. Man, I hate war. And warlord fascists.

Any way, final film that I watched this month, and this one's one for the BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Uh, spoilers for this one too, by the way.

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest is a weird one for me to talk about, because if it wasn't for the (admittedly few) caveats that I have with this film I could easily see it being one of my all-time favourites. Had I watched it a few years back it probably would be! The acting is fantastic, portraying each character and their differences wonderfully. The characters themselves are all extremely likeable and each has their own interesting quirks and interests that keep them apart despite the amount that there are onscreen. The technical ability in this film's phenomenal, loads of wonderful shots here, and the way the more compact scenes here move in-and-out of focus is absolutely wonderful. Pace, soundtrack, general story and motivations, all solid stuff.

But... at the same time... I mean, it's not that big of a deal, but like... I was only half-kidding when I called this film a "boys movie" earlier. Not that it's an innate issue! But let's say, I wanted to make a really dumb and unfavourable view on the film, you could definitely theoretically make a Letterboxd review complaining how this film is a contrived story about an evil matriarch trying to destroy "the boys" fun at all opportunities, the evil bitch! This, in and of itself I don't think would be a real issue for me with this films plot alone, but the film constructs itself with this plausible deniability aspect to it, the possibility that these men are just here to chill or self-improve! It puts some of the films accolades and themes and misunderstandings (mostly from guys) into a different context.

This, along with some other issues I have including a couple of character arcs like the Chief, and general ambivalence to certain topics as a whole, apparently don't exist in the book (from what I've been told). It's definitely something I want to read at some point! HOWEVER, all that being said, I don't hold much of this too much against the film, mostly because one, the story is still pretty damn good, and two, god there aren't many other movies out there that treat those with problems and mental illnesses with the humanity and respect quite like this film does. The way the film manages to make sure that each character deserves their own urgency and respect, and makes sure to put blame and point at the terrible ablest structures that demonise and trap them...

I think the best example of this in the film is during the beginning of the film, where the first group therapy meeting is held. The scene manages to perfectly represent the circle the main cast surrounds themselves in, where the previous good mood and vibes of the previous 10 minutes starts dimming. When Mrs. Fletcher asks Mr. Harding about his wife, with the set implication that she was being unfaithful. Harding tries to avoid the question, particularly when the topic of abuse comes up, leading to deflection, however, as the conversation goes on, the emotion from great late actor William Redfield becomes more and more potent. It starts to become more clear that even if he is deflecting, he is truly looking for redemption and self-improvement, and, truth be told, the fact of him being abusive, or even her cheating both start becoming irrelevant (the film never states if they were or not). This is lost on the other patients though, who see this session as just another time of him yapping about his wife, strictly against Harding's wishes. This turns into a shouting match, all the while Mrs. Fletcher and the other doctors do nothing but watch. Despite how this has clearly happened before, despite the fact that it's strictly not working, they let it continue not necessarily because they personally believe it helps, but because they believe it's best to follow the systems and rules set in place by the hospital, even if it only hurts and victimizes the patients who are there just to get help.

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So yeah I like this film a lot, I think it's fantastic. I know I kinda went on about it for a bit for a film that's been talked about to death, but whatever. Definitely would recommend, good film good film.

And laaaastt uppp uuhhhh albums I guess? Truth is, I'm gonna have a similar issue with this section that I did last time where I'm not gonna know what to write that much, so I came up with a solution. Most of the reason I did what I did last year on Twitter with my relistens was to make up for lastfm mostly being irrelevant for me now. So, I decided instead I'd make my own lastfm 5x5 charts based on what I listened to that month, either being new albums or relistens. So, here it is:

There'll be times where I probably go on tangents here. For example I FINALLY got around to hearing Quaranta and I of course ended up really liking it. Same with Genesis' Trespass, Far East Suite, and that Funkadelic album. And there's still issues with this format like I might have to differentiate what was new for me and what was a relisten. But I imagine the format will end up changing a lot as the months go on and it might not even be the same next month so, we'll what I do next I suppose, if I scrap this idea don't be surprised, it's probably cuz I didn't listen to that month or something I dunno.

Anyway, that's the update done! God knows if when I do this next month it'll be even remotely as close to as long as this one was. There might be months when I decide to dedicate an entire section to one single piece of art I enjoyed. Maybe there won't be one some months and I just try to put out a review or something instead, or I just choose to shitpost a whole month cuz I REALLY have nothing to say. We'll see. I imagine this'll be a fun format to experiment with, either way. Thanks for reading!

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silentexplorer18 · 3 months

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Regarding the future of this blog

Hi folks! This one got a bit long, so I'm putting it under a cut.

TLDR: I've been really unhappy blogging for quite a while, so I'm finally embracing being a messy, multifandom blog that posts things without tagging them well, posts more personal things, mostly focuses posting my own fic on AO3, etc. If you're not into that, feel free to eliminate my presence on your dash. XO -Silent

When I started this blog a few years ago, I was essentially starting with zero knowledge of the social side of the internet. Sure, I'd read stuff on tumblr blogs, but I’d never used tumblr or looked at anything besides what was listed directly on a masterlist. I’d never used other social media sites, either. So, when I started using things like tumblr and instagram and even discord, I was trying to follow along and do whatever everyone else was doing. I tried to post clearly tagged stuff and keep my blog super organized; I posted cutesy photos with whimsical captions; I tried to find my footing in conversations that were hard to follow. But I always felt like I could never keep up. I was trying to follow the motions to make my online spaces what I thought they needed to be, but I never could do the motions quite right, so I kept getting more and more discouraged.

Why am I telling all of you this? Because I think 2024 is the year something needs to change.

I started off wanting this blog to be super pretty and aesthetic. I wanted my fics to be clearly organized and have easily navigable links. I wanted to only reblog fandom-specific things. I wanted to keep everything very on topic. And I wanted to be active in fandom (interacting with other fandom readers, makers, doers, etc.). But in trying to do all of the former, I’ve spent so much physical and mental energy that I don’t have the time, energy, or ability to do the latter. I felt like if I couldn’t do all of that, I shouldn’t do any of it, and, well, that’s plain not true.

The truth is this: I’m messy, and I write slowly. I like so many things, and I actually love to talk a lot. Keeping tags organized is hard and it makes me tired. Posting on tumblr (instead of just ao3) is hard sometimes because it makes me tired. I like talking to people and reccing fics and gushing over art, but I can’t always make it picture-perfect or aesthetic or linked so it’s easily navigable. Life is hard, and using social media should be something fun, not something to agonize over.

So, I’m making some changes:

I’m gonna be posting a lot more. Rambling about life. Sharing writing updates. Making you all privy to my shower thoughts.

But the writing projects I have will still be long hauls. Strap in, folks, ‘cause we’re probably looking at months-long to years-long updates. (Nothing is ever dead, just, you know, aging like fine wine or something.)

I’m not sure how many writing projects will be posted here, either. I enjoy posting on AO3. I like the format. I like the way it works. I like that it organizes everything for me. If I post something there, I’ll obviously share the link here, but I don’t know how many fics I’ll be posting here moving forward.

Also, I’m just gonna start reblogging shit like crazy. Anything! Everything! All at once! The tumblr is my oyster!

Despite reblogging more, I’m just gonna let this blog become more disorganized. If I have the energy to tag stuff, I will, but I think I’m just gonna focus on sharing things rather than sharing things in a way that’s particularly organized.

I’m gonna start reblogging more fic recs here, too (and sharing ones from AO3!). I will, of course, be keeping my fic rec blog, and it’ll get its own small update post, but the goal is to just give myself the permission to be less organized so I have more energy to enjoy and share fic.

Related: the blog might get a makeover. I’m not sure yet because I’ve had roughly the same colors/theme/pfp for all the years I’ve had this blog, so changing it will be hard. (And I have no idea what exactly to change to!) But we’ll see. Ideas are welcome.

I feel a little melodramatic making this big, long post about this, but I feel like the folks that are still hanging around my blog (you lovely, few and far between, who are neither bots nor dead blogs, I adore you all immensely) are hanging around for a reason, and I want to give fair warning that the activity levels here will be changing, the tagging system/findability of things will be changing, the location of fics being posted will be changing. It felt right to warn people so they could unfollow/block if they so desire.

But anyway, happy (late) 2024! I hope this post finds everyone well, and I’m excited to see what the future holds!

-Silent

#silent talks #blog update #this feels so dramatic and pointless to post #but I also just wanted to get my thoughts out there written down #so I could start changing things #because to change something intentionally you must acknowledge what it is you want to change and how #and also I wanted to give folks a bit of a warning to unfollow if they don't like the changes that are coming #because I think I was still trying to hold onto what my blog was when it started #and it is NOT gonna be like that anymore #2024 is the year of being myself unapologetically #and that starts with my tumblr blog

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mindninjax · 3 years

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Sleep on the Floor (1)

Pairing: Bakugo x Reader (Quirkless Au)

Rating: Explicit (18+ minors do not interact)

Warnings: none yet idk

Word Count: 2.9K

a/n: I don't really know what this is yet. Idk what it will become. I know there will be more I just don't know how or when. For once, I'm just writing and posting to get feelings out. I'm not gonna stress about a posting schedule or what people might expect of me. I'm just gonna write it and post. It's a vent piece, it's a coping piece, it's a piece that deals with grief because it's what I'm dealing with right now. And this site may be a fucking hell hole with shitty fucking people who hide their nasty little comments behind anonymous messages, but it's also somewhere I can go to scream about whatever I want and either be ignored or heard whenever I see fit.

My point is...if you stick with this, great you're amazing and truly I appreciate and love you dearly,. You'll get a peek inside of my head and my heart and I hope at some point it soothes you or comforts you or makes you feel better about yourself idk. If you don't stick with it, I of course won't hold it against you.

So yeah. Here we go...

Masterlist

Whiskey is medicine for the soul.

That’s the saying, right? Doesn’t matter, Katsuki doesn’t give a fuck. He motions to the bartender for another dose, the fifth? maybe sixth of the night. Who’s counting? Certainly not him.

“Oi, another one!” he shouts down the bar top.

The bartender , Shinso, gives him a look that says, “Come on buddy you look like you’re trying to kill yourself” , but he’s personally too greedy not to give his best customer for the past month and a half another drink. Besides, Katsuki’s a good tipper and Shinso would much rather deal with a drunk Katsuki than the glaring angry pathetic Katsuki that sits in front of him now.

Katsuki’s eyes are blood red, irises and all as he puts the tumbler to his lips and gulps down his sixth drink — yes he’s sure it’s the sixth one now—and slams the glass back on the bar top. His fingernails are dirty as he grasps the glass. The stubble on his chin is scraggly but he doesn’t bother shaving it. Dark circles form mini rings under his eyes, like he’s forgotten to take the make up from a week ago off. His shirt is stained, the flannel he wears over it buttoned incorrectly.

There’s a party of people in the corner loudly whooping and hollering about a game of pool they’re playing. There’s some sad ass country song playing on the jukebox. The low yellow lights coming from the antler chandeliers scattered across the ceiling bathes the entire room in a depressing cloud of hazy citrine funk. It smells of beer and grilled food, a scent that Katsuki never gets used to despite making this place his new home.

The bar is crowded for a Wednesday night. It’s a rare sight, usually Katsuki is here by himself, only a few regular patrons popping in and out. He never speaks to anyone, just stumbles in at 10am and drinks until the bar closes at 2am. And then it’s back to his car to sleep and do it all over again. He’s lucky Shinso lets him use the shower in the back of the bar, and with all the clothes Katsuki could pack in a huge bag as quickly as possible now sitting in his car, he has all he needs right here with him.

So why would he leave?

“What can I get for you, Darlin?”

Katsuki looks over to see Shinso sporting that easy going smirk he flashes to pretty girls who come sit at the bar and order fruity dumb ass drinks. Katsuki rolls his eyes as Shinso raises an eyebrow and sizes up the woman in front of him. He doesn’t pay attention, tries to tune out the stupid deep flirty voice Shinso puts on. He almost decides to get up and leave before he hears the woman’s reply.

“Yeah, do you have apple juice?”

What the fuck? Apple juice? Who the fuck goes to a bar in the middle of fucking nowhere and asks for apple juice? Katsuki now takes the time to glance over at the strange woman and he sees it’s you.

“Uh…yeah we have apple juice. Did you want that mixed with vodka or?” Shinso asks in confusion.

Both he and Katsuki are equally shocked when you reply. “Nope, just the juice. Thanks so much!” You chirp happily.

Katsuki studies you closely and you look just as strange as your behavior. You’re wearing a black fitted dress, with white puffy sleeves and a white collar, thin stockings and black heels. Your legs are crossed over one another on the stool and they swing idly as your phone vibrates loudly on the bar counter next to you.

You don’t pick it up, don’t even silence it, just let it continue buzzing on the countertop and Katsuki doesn’t know why but it pisses him off. The buzzing is intense and he can feel the vibrations even though you’re three seats down from him at the huge bar. You watch the people in the corner, humming to the song playing on the jukebox and continue to ignore it.

Finally Katsuki can’t take it and he snaps at you, “You gonna answer your fucking phone or continue to annoy everyone at the bar with the constant buzzing?”

You look at him now and for just a second Katsuki understands why Shinso started flirting. You’re wearing makeup but not too much. It only enhances your best features, your big eyes, long lashes and plump lips. Your makeup is a bit smudged around the eyes, but you still don’t look bad.

In fact, if you weren’t being a fucking pest with your phone and if he weren't a fucking injured loser, Katsuki would try flirting and taking you home for the night. Regardless, he’s annoyed and the alcohol flowing through his veins only inflates the annoyance.

For some reason you don’t respond to him, just stare for a bit, scrutinizing him and his clothes closely before you blink, look down at your phone, pick it up and then press the button to stop the ringing. You don’t say anything to him but you give him a tiny smirk and a quick shrug of your shoulders that says “oops” before he rolls his eyes and turns away from you.

“Here ya go. One apple juice. You sure there isn’t anything I can get you?” Shinso says as he places the glass of amber liquid in front of you and smiles big again. He leans in on the bar and Katsuki takes another gulp of his drink.

“Actually yeah. Whatever that guy is drinking, get him another one, on me,” you say, lowering your voice and pointing discreetly to Katsuki.

He huffs in annoyance and raises his voice to ensure you know he heard you as he finishes his drink. “I don’t want anything from you,” he grumbles.

The stool you're sitting on scrapes against the wooden floor and Katsuki winces at the sound. A similar sound is closer to him now and he can feel the warmth of a body next to him and smell the lingering scent of fresh flowers, coconut and mango, and some weird chemical scent he can't place.

“It’s a peace offering or an apology for the phone,” you say hopping up on the stool next to him. You rest your chin in your hand and peer at him with great interest. It's extremely uncomfortable and Katsuki is two seconds from telling you to fuck off.

“A ‘sorry’ is enough,” he grunts, scooting his stool away from you.

“Well I’m sorry, but you know, it’s rude not to accept the drink,” you say matter of factly.

You're smiling at him and he can't understand why. Everything about his attitude toward you is standoffish. Everything about his body language says "Go the fuck away", and yet you're leaning in closer to him, and looking him directly in the eye when you speak.

He looks away quickly, trying to break the intense eye contact. He's thankful for the refill of whiskey Shinso places in front of him but tries to ignore the wink he gives you as he places it down. Katsuki angrily grabs it and takes a huge gulp. “I ain’t a nice person.”

You scoff, “I don’t believe that.”

Katsuki raises an eyebrow, looks at you from the corner of his eye and spits, “How the fuck would you know?”

He is more than shocked when you answer with a huge fucking grin on your face, as if your words are some kind of compliment and not a huge fucking slap in the face. "Nice people are usually the ones who look as tortured and pathetic as you do right now,” you quip.

He spins around to glare at you now, baring his teeth like a wild angry dog. “Fuck you. You don’t know a goddamn thing about me!”

Katsuki thinks you've got to have a few screws loose when he sees you actually look shocked at his animosity.

“Oh I didn’t mean it as an insult! Just an observation,” you say, putting your hands up in mock surrender.

“Why don’t you fuck off and mind your fucking business?”

You finally turn away from him, facing the many shelves of alcohol. Katsuki can see your fingers drumming against the bar top and right as Shinso is coming over—almost certainly to flirt some more—you turn back towards Katsuki and he huffs in irritation.

“Can I ask you one more thing before I fuck off?” you ask.

He doesn't look at you or grace you with a verbal answer. He just grunts.

“Wanna come with me on a road trip?”

If there were a record playing, here's where you'd hear the record scratch. Katsuki blinks a few times trying to figure out if he actually heard you correctly. “What?”

“Unless you have something else to do?” you say smiling innocently.

“Why the fuck would I wanna—“

“I mean… why not?” you cut in.

“You could be a fucking psycho. Which, the more I talk to you, the more I'm convinced that's what you are,” Katsuki replies, wrinkling his nose as if he smelled something funky.

“And you could drop dead right now from some freak accident. Either way, you die. But would you rather die alone in a shitty bar, drunk, stinky and upset with your life or would you rather take a chance at going on a road trip with a stranger?” you say optimistically.

“Die alone in a shitty bar.” Katsuki replies quickly, without a second thought.

You drop your head and your eyes are sad and dejected. “That's fair, I suppose. Look, I just recently realized all the plans I had for my life, don’t fucking matter. None of it. And you don’t look like a guy with a bunch of life plans, either. I just thought I’d extend the invitation,” you say shrugging as you put your money on the counter, slip off the stool and walk toward the exit.

Katsuki cannot believe he is actually thinking this but, you've got a point. Even for a fucking weirdo. Successful Katsuki would never. But then again, Successful Katsuki wouldn't be in this fucking bar right now. And as much as he hates to admit it, there's a sinking pit in his stomach as he thinks about you walking out the door and leaving forever.

He can't figure out why, he's never met you, has no connection to you whatsoever. But the minute you asked him to go, it ignited something in him, something he'd thought had long been extinguished. So Katsuki really can't believe it when he raises his hand toward the door and says “Wait.”

You turn around. Katsuki downs the last of the drink you bought him, puts the money he owes Shinsou for all the drinks—plus a hefty tip—then gets up and walks—more like staggers—toward where you stand at the exit. He faces you, eyebrows furrowed and breath smelling of whiskey. He notices how small you are compared to him as he towers over you and points a finger into your shoulder.

“You’re driving.”

Katsuki must be drunk. He has to be. That’s the only way he can convince himself of this idiotic plan. That he wouldn’t be stupid enough to get into a car with some unknown woman and drive to who fucking knows where. He’s in the passenger seat, the large bag of clothes from his car sitting in your back seat.

The windows are down and the night air fills the car with the fresh scent of grass and pine as you drive through the winding forest paths. It’s dark, nearly 9pm and Katsuki worries for only a minute that you’re taking him somewhere to kill him.

He reasons with himself that it’s a dumb ass idea. If you were going to target someone, surely it’d be someone who looks rich and is worth killing for some money. To you, he’s a pathetic nobody. But that only leaves more questions, why’d you choose him?

You’re whistling to yourself as you drive, eyes glued to the road and hair now fallen from the tight bun you had it in when you walked into the bar. He stares at you with his arms crossed and his brows furrowed.

What the fuck is your deal? The first warning sign of you being an absolute psychopath should’ve been walking into the bar wearing fancy clothes and ordering a goddamn apple juice. Still, there was something about the way you studied him and the way you vocalized the helplessness he felt. For some reason, he knew you understood and he knew it would be a mistake to let you walk out of that bar without following.

It’s your carefree attitude that really bothers him. The way you drum your finger against the steering wheel, how you bounce back and forth to some tune you’re humming to yourself that he suspects is…Take Me Home, Country Roads? All while sitting across from a complete and total stranger.

He huffs to himself, realizing he doesn’t even know your name and that you never attempted to ask him his.

“So you make a habit of picking up strangers in bars?” he grunts, trying to be nonchalant as he gazes out his window at the dark shadows passing by.

“Pft, I don’t know. Do you make a habit of going with said strangers from the bar?” You retort.

“You gonna be a smart ass the entire trip?”

“Haha I’m contemplating it. Not gonna lie seeing your irritated face does bring me a lot of joy, but I’d also want you to enjoy this trip too so perhaps, I’ll cut down on the smart assness,” You say, smiling wide.

You reach out your hand to him and say your name. He glares at it and then looks up to your eyes glued to the road. “This is the part where you shake my hand and tell me your name,” you say as if you're speaking to a kindergartener.

He narrows his eyes. “Katsuki Bakugo.”

You put a finger to your chin in a thinking motion. “Hmmm too formal. Can I call you Grumpy instead?” you ask in high pitched pleading tone.

“No.”

“Great! It’s settled I’ll call you Grumpy,” you say proudly and Katsuki groans in annoyance before he retorts back.

“Then I’ll call you Airhead,” he says in a mean voice.

“Cute. I like it," you say shrugging nonchalantly.

He rolls his eyes. Nothing gets to you it seems. You must be one of those overly happy types, which means this road trip is going to be unbearable. Katsuki momentarily contemplates asking you to turn around and take him back to the bar. “You’re fucking weird. What’s your deal anyway?”

“I’m running away from my problems. Same old, same old.”

As always, you've caught him off guard, and his previous idea of going back to the bar all but vanishes. "What problems?”

“Grief.”

Katsuki blinks. Suddenly your getup all makes sense and it unfortunately clicks in his mind. You were at a funeral. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Shit sucks.”

“You’re telling me.”

“That explains the…” he motions to the dress you're wearing.

“Yup.”

He studies you a little closer now. The dress is nice, looks pretty expensive and it clings perfectly to you. He's again reminded of how attractive you are and how he's in the car going somewhere with a weird but really attractive woman. “Least it’s a nice dress.”

“Haha thanks. Not just for the compliment.”

“What then?”

“For not saying sorry. Everyone says sorry. Like they did something wrong. I know they’re being nice but…sorry doesn’t bring her back. I’d much rather hear a compliment about the dress,” you say quietly. You're not smiling anymore, just looking out at the road, a far away look in your eye.

Katsuki stays quiet for a few minutes going over your words. The atmosphere in the car has shifted but it’s comforting and the remnants of who he used to be—successful, thriving, strong—are thrust upon him for the first time in the few weeks since he was injured.

“What about you? What are you running from?” you ask quietly.

He grunts, folding his arms over his chest and closing himself off from you. “I ain’t running from shit.”

“Ahh I see. Too soon?” you say smiling.

You wink at him and he turns away to look out the window to hide the rosy blush forming in his cheeks. The tips of his ears feel hot and he hopes his unruly hair is hiding them. “Shut up.” he mumbles.

“I’ll ask again in a few days.” you say, lifting your chin proudly.

He glowers out the window, lips pursed as the moon follows the two of you across the sky.

You sigh and reach behind you to grab an unopen water bottle and toss it into his lap. “You should get some rest and sleep off your drunkenness. It’ll be your turn to drive soon.”

“Where the hell are we even goin'?” Katsuki asks as he unscrews the cap and takes a huge swig of water.

You smile brightly at him and again he has the strangest feeling that everything will be ok no matter what happens. When he looks into your big bright eyes all he sees is adventure and he can’t help but feel comforted by your smile.

“Wherever we want.”

Thanks for reading

#sleep on the floor #marquie writes #bakugo x reader #god just as an attempt to have something in my life be normal again #i just need something that hasn't changed #and something to distract me from...everything #and also because i vent my feelings through fanfiction #if you;ve been here long enough #you're aware of this fact lol #it's cathartic

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volturialice · 2 years

Note

how can you be so open in liking jasper? i'm terrified of being considered a racist due to his backstory, i'm not calling you racist but how do you deal with that reputation he has?

the same way I deal with liking anything "problematic," tbh. I trust myself to be able to read and think critically. I develop my own transformative reading of the character. I tag my content so that it's easy for anyone who wants to avoid it to do so. and that's...pretty much it, tbh.

at some point, you gotta accept that there will always be someone who considers you a bigot for liking and interacting with pretty much any fictional content. it's the nature of the internet, and this site in particular. "if you like steven universe, you're a transphobe." "if you like the witcher, you're ableist." "if you ship destiel, you're fetishizing mlm." "if you ship zutara, you're pro-colonialism" and so on. in the case of Twilight, there's a lot of pure, grade A racism in the source material, so of course that's gonna be reflected in the fandom, both in terms of fans behaving in racist ways, conscious or unconsciously, and other fans calling them out. that's an inevitable part of any fan community.

I learned long ago that my taste in fictional whatever does not define me or reflect my character/beliefs, and here's how: I made a friend in college. let's call her Naomi. Naomi loves "problematic" ships of all kinds—villain/heroine ships, abusive ships, age gaps, basically any kind of toxic relationship—and she's not shy about it. she has lots of fun writing and reading and posting about them. when I first got to know her, I was kind of shocked—how could such a kind person be into such dark shit?

so I took a step back and asked myself: do I think Naomi is a Bad Person because of the media she enjoys? do I believe she's out there abusing her romantic partners, or encouraging our friends to get into or stay in abusive relationships?

the answer was "no, of course not." I mean, duh. I wouldn't like her and want to hang out with her were that the case. from the outside, it was very easy to compare Naomi's favorite shows/characters vs her real-life actions and behavior (how she treated others, what her core beliefs were, etc) and see that there was no correlation.

so I learned to extend myself the same courtesy when it comes to self-awareness. whether or not I am a "bad" person will never be decided by whether or not I like Jasper from Twilight, lol. if other people wanna conflate those two things and consider me a racist, that's fine—I can't control them or their opinions and I don't need to. they don't know me as well as I know me, so why should I believe them over myself? as long as they're not actively doxxing or harassing me, it doesn't hurt me (and if they are doxxing/harassing, I am happy to block/report them.)

I'm not gonna post, like, long, disclaim-y, defensive screeds about how I'm Totally Not A Racist despite liking this racist character in a racist canon by a racist author, y'know? that doesn't help anyone or prove anything. instead, I let my actions speak for themselves. I'm not interested in taste-policing, I'm interested in real actions with real results that help real people. I support POC with my vote, my activism, and my $$. I examine my own internal biases and try to be aware of them/work on them/not let them influence how I treat others. and I put real people before fictional characters always and do my best to treat them with kindness.

in return, I hope others will also judge me by my actions and my character rather than my taste in fiction. but if they don't, that's outside my control—they're free to think whatever they want, and to block me.

#asks #anonymous #racism mention //#jasper hale

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rpmemesbyarat · 3 years

Conversation

RP meme from Scream Queens Ep 12 "Dorkus"

"I think you did it."

"These morons need someone to tear them a new one."

"I am going to write the missive to end all missives."

"I don't want your first time to be with a murderer."

"I love you. I would never, ever hurt you."

"I promise you're safe. That was part of the deal."

"You could never be touched."

"How many lives could you have saved?"

"Our mission never involved killing anyone."

"And it's not just wearing raw chickens on their heads and calling each other gay slurs while jumping around naked."

"It was a conspiracy."

"Stop rationalizing it. You killed people. You are not allowed to just say, "yeah, but I had a super good reason for it."

"Who did you kill?"

"What, are you gonna kill me now?"

"I would never hurt you. I just can't let you leave."

"If you could just stop, hear what I have to say, to understand---please--why I did what I did, you could still love me."

"Don't try to justify it all after the fact."

"They showed up one day thinking that I was a double agent, that I couldn't be trusted. They were going to kill me."

"Hey, hey, you can trust me, you can trust me! Ask me and I'll do anything. I'll prove it."

"Don't you see that they did that on purpose?! They knew that if you actually killed someone, you would be their slave!"

"We were the good guys. We were in this together!"

"I did this for you. Don't you understand?"

"The more I hear about this whole thing, the more I'm starting to think the idea that there are good and bad people in the world is just something adults use to get children to stay in line."

"I mean, aren't we being naive?"

"You took me literally?"

"You are already a murderer, [NAME], you don't have to be a douche as well!"

"This is not a philosophy course. This is murder-- serial murder!"

"I was so young and desperate to be special and loved."

"I never had a real girlfriend before."

"I was vulnerable enough to share my darkest fetish with you, and now you're making me feel self-conscious."

"Just come in and take me now."

"You are ridiculously and laughably gullible."

"What self-respecting man wouldn't do anything to get revenge for being degraded like that?"

"Unfortunately, I don't have great aim with a crossbow and I can't see anything in that mask."

"I don't want to be here anymore."

"I feel sick. This isn't what I wanted."

"Don't judge me for what we both know had to happen."

"You know what? Let's just run away together. You and me. Forget everything."

"Don't you see what I'm willing to do for you?"

"No! I don't want to speak to your supervisor!"

"I've gotten zero swipes on my profile!"

"Do you remember any aspect of this super simple plan?"

"I literally think you should consider undergoing a surgical procedure to remove your ovaries/testicles, thereby sparing human race exposure to your DNA."

"I mean, I'm all for public shaming. I practically invented it. It's the sign of a healthy culture. But not when I'm the one getting shamed."

"I wanted to be famous, but not like this."

"To all the so-called mainstream media, including weird web sites that nobody has heard of who have used my name as clickbait, and to all the relentless unwashed hordes on Twitter, who have taken every opportunity to mock and attack me mercilessly from the safety of their stained futons, I offer the following heartfelt sentiment. You can all suck it!"

"Despite my outward bravado, I was dead inside."

"I knew my glamorous reign of terror was over."

"I ordered an asp online so I could kill myself like Cleopatra, and now I'm just waiting for it to sense my body heat and come out and bite me so this will all be over."

"I understand that what you're going through is really intense. And I know you and I haven't really always seen eye to eye, And you say crazy-mean stuff to me all the time. And I have a real problem with your casual racism,

which is something we need to work on. But, girl, I promise I got your back."

"You're young, smart and beautiful, and you got a lot of living ahead of you."

"Maybe this is one of those teachable moments, you know? Like my grandmama says. Maybe this is where you learn the lesson that words really mean something and they can hurt people, so you just can't always say the first horrible thing that pops into your head all the time."

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Get me out of this suit!"

"What the hell is going on? Who is that guy?"

"Everyone on campus but me is a dork!"

"I'm gonna explode."

"When I woke up, I was wrapped in dynamite!"

"Oh, my god, it's a bomb."

"Yes, a totally innocent man who seemed super nice and probably did nothing wrong at all just got blown up in our living room. Bummer. Now, let's honor his memory by moving on."

"Can you not make it about you for one second?!"

"Stop wallowing and start concentrating on what's really important here--restoring my reputation."

"I need to go on an apology tour. You know, like celebrities, when they say something offensive, they just go on tv and apologize, and everybody forgives them, even though they don't mean it at all."

"I'm gonna fake apologize, you'll record it, we'll post it online, and it'll all be fine."

"But I thought that you said that you weren't the person who put the acid in the spray tanner."

"Why do you think the devil let me live?"

"I think you saw what you wanted to see."

"You can't kill people from a loving and positive place."

"Invasion of the dad bod snatchers."

"If it's good enough for the CIA, it's good enough for me."

"Get ready to make the most important playlist of your life."

"Well, I decided to stop denying what you and I both knew the minute we laid eyes on each other. And once I did, something inside of me, I don't know, it just, just clicked. And I guess I just wanted to get a little crazy."

"So you just decided to break into my house in the middle of the day?"

"I've been a very bad boy."

"I'm just trying to figure out what your angle is. What are you trying to get out of this?"

"You know what I'm trying to get? 45 minutes alone, so I can go crazy on you."

"Turn out the lights!"

"These are my minions."

"Those are the hounds."

"How do you know I'm not the killer?"

"This whole file is made up."

"Somebody just swiped right on me on Tinder."

"Any guy swiping right on you is a miracle."

"You want a drag?"

"That was the best sex of my life."

"I think you're just relieved to find out that intercourse doesn't have to be followed by hours and hours of crying and a weird purchase of an engagement ring."

"Look, I never knew sex could be like that. At first, I was like, I was like, "wow, she's being really loud. Are the neighbors gonna call the police?" And then I was like, "wow, now I'm being really loud. why am I screaming so much? They're definitely gonna call the police." And then I was just stunned at how flexible you are. I mean, I thought you had to be a gymnast to get both feet behind your head."

"I just think that maybe you and I were meant to be together after all."

"I find her unbearably annoying."

"I recognized the island splash scent of that douche you use."

"What movie are you even referring to?"

"Don't patronize me. I look like a monster."

"Well, have you thought of a little plastic surgery?"

"What are you doing? I thought you came here to apologize."

"I apologize for nothing."

"All evidence points to you."

"I know it was you. Have fun in hell, bitch. And fyi, this is probably gonna hurt a lot."

"Stop recording!"

"I knew that bitch was a nut burger the minute I met her."

"But remember, she's armed and dangerous."

"Oh, please tell me you did not bring your insane and obviously blind Tinder hookup back here."

"I lost my virginity to a Nickelback song."

#rp meme #rp memes #rp starters #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #roleplay memes #scream queens

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mycelier · 3 years

Text

My name is Simone and I would like to tell you a tale!

I will not have access to my laptop for some days more and because writing on my phone is kind of painful (physically, because I am working on hand mobility now), this may end up in drafts and taking a while to post. I am going to share what has been happening the last 2 months because I feel like everything went from 0 to 100 in the span of a few weeks and its been really, really wild.

So!!! LETTUCE begin!

For roughly 5 years I've been struggling to get a diagnosis on an extremely painful area of my arm. There was literally nothing visible; no lump, discoloration or any other physical abnormality to indicate anything was wrong. I spent thousands on pretty much every kind of imaging you can do, and was told time and time again that there was nothing wrong and, perhaps, it was psychosomatic and I needed therapy or, more often than not, I was given a shrug and a vague "i dunno" response.

This year, something changed. I deal with chronic pain (my spine is congenitally fused in my neck and lower spine and I have baby bone spurs all over), and in the process of trying to work on that I brought up my arm again to a dr I no longer see. He'd told me my arm was SEVERAL things over the years I had been seeing him but this time said it was a fibromyalgia knot, something I had been told by a team of doctors some time before that. I said okay cool and was sent to a physical therapy rehab center where the dr worked with myofascial release and stretches to help with injuries. This amazing man fixed my plantar fasciitis and helped get my chronic headaches under control but NOTHING we did helped my arm pain. Within a month he was worried bc we had started to notice that there was a hardness to the spot that never changed with any exercise or massage.

Worried that there was a nerve being trapped or crushed (another diagnosis I'd gotten over the years), this amazing man sent me to a neurosurgeon who immediately frowned and said he didn't think my neck pain and my arm pain were connected. He ordered an MRI of my arm and despite it not being visible on an MRI 2 years before, he found something PHYSICALLY THERE where I said I had pain. He considered doing the surgery to remove it (despite being a neurosurgeon he was fascinated with this weird horribly painful spot) but eventually sent me a surgeon for an oncology center, assuring me it was because this new surgeon was one of the best in Texas for removing soft tissue tumors, not because there was any thought of cancer.

I met with the surgeon who gave me one more diagnosis of an AVM (arteriovenous malformation), snd said they were benign and not necessary to remove as well as the possibility that if removed it would likely return. Truly, at this point after 5 years of constant nauseating horric pain when someone brushed against me or if I gently brushed against ANYRHING, a pain so bad that it had basically made me stop using my right arm as much as possible (of course I'm right handed lol), I said GET THAT FUCKER OUT OF THERE MAN and my first surgery was scheduled.

Surgery one occurred Nov 5th and was an out patient event. I went home and passed out. At some point my mom said that while I'd been in recovery the dr said the thing in my arm hadn't looked like what he expected so he had sent it to pathology. I went back to work and was hanging out until the Tuesday before Thanksgiving when I went in for a super immediate meeting with a different doctor who told me that what had been in my arm was a synovial sarcoma, aka, cancer! He, this incredibly kind man I did not know, gently discussed chemo and told me I needed to have a CT scan immediately. Based on the CT, i was either in stage one or stage four if it has spread to lungs. The day before Thanksgiving I received the news that it was stage one, it had not spread, and i was so fucking happy.

Then it was time talk about next steps. My surgeon marked out a circle on my arm to indicate how much he was gonna remove in order to guarantee clear margins..but it was not enough of a meeting for me to grasp the surgery I was about to receive.

The day of my second surgery, dec 8th, came quickly and i met with the plastic surgeon, the kindest, most patient man. He moved my arm around and explained how he was going to hijack a vein from my forearm in order to keep the blood flow health to the flap he was gonna take from the donor site: My inner thigh.

It has been 11 days and I am living in an inpatient rehab facility, working on dealing with the nerve damage/pain, the EXTREME pain of my donor site, and the lost mobility that I am working on getting back, both in my leg and my hand. The majorities of my arm is numb...except where the nerve pain burns my wrist and forearm and makes it painful to wear my arm sling (I can't fully extend my arm, nor can I lift, push, pull or use my arm in any way that would stress out my new arm flap). Also may have a brand new urinary tract infection but as I write this I'm chugging water for a urine sample to hopefully get that treated. Below are some pictures I have taken/had taken of my arm! Im not ready to look at my leg outside of the bandages (which, since having the wound vac removed today, hell yeah, will need daily dressing changes).

EDIT: I tried posting pictures of my arm last night and my post disappeared immediately so I will try to make a new post with these photos in case the whole post was erased because of them. I will tag them as post surgery photos. I do not consider them gory or excessive but hey that's just me.

I intend to post more things as I keep healing and as I gain more mobility. I was given "independence" in my room yesterday which means I can officially get up without any assistance needed (using my badass new cane to help me lift my foot in and out of bed)!!!! Which also means I can get up whenever I want without the bed alarm going off. I have a badass cane that has been the best tool in helping me get around (and has inspired my mom and others to suggest and look into getting me a cane sword which makes me laugh REAL hard). See below me using the cane to move my foot in and out of bed!

Part of why I'm posting this is because I really needed to talk about it and while later posts may not be this long or expository but I wanted to have a base post to explain other ones related to this one!!!

I will update with some newer pics tomorrow night when my mom comes by to help me take newer pics. The arm flap looks super healthy (according to the drs), and when they changed my leg dressing they said its looking really good and healthy!

I......also really wanted to post my Amazon wishlist. Due to this stupid wild bad lottery ticket, I've been struggling to pay my bills and rent but!!! I have good insurance, thankfully (since I live in the US and my hospital stay and this rehab stay would have more than bankrupted me), and im hoping my disability checks will get here in time for rent!!! I'm putting up my wishlist bc I can't afford some of the "essentials" on there and, also, because I havent been able to have any kind of comfort during any of this. I never ask for anything for holidays because usually i...dont want to burden people with spending money on me since I know how hard money is, especially right now. And if I don't have enough for rent later I might have to create a go fund me...but right now everything looks good for rent and bills just...not for anything fun.

Thank you so much for your time!!! And happy holidays you wild bastards!!!

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/36PG6BAYD18U7?ref_=wl_share

#tw for many things!#cancer mention #surgery mention #i tried to add photos of my arm post surgery and my post disappeared so I will try again in a separate post #everything relating to my cancer or recovery i will label as badass battlestar bc it makes me feel cool #badass battlestar

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Fifty-Three

Words: 4.5K

Warning(s): explicit language, sexual situations, mentions of drug abuse

Tag List: @unknownoblivion @sinningsixx @edwardtriggerhandzz @lemmyjelly @haileynicoleseavey17 @cierrasixx19 @oskea93 @mgkobsessed @vamprlestat @sharon6713 @itsametaphorbriansblog @miriampraez @allie-mcginn @rebeccaphillips14 @nicholeh7 @fandomshit6000 @lilmou5ie @tamedhearts @divaanya @kingbouji3 @evrsncnewyork @6ixx6ixx @ratedrkohardychick91 @floregrohlssard @oldschoolimagineblog @thanks2pete @abaldboi @swoopygorl @justjodeye @liith-ium @caos18blog @ytwahsog @shamlessobsession @scarecrowmax @toadspleen @random-internet-user-4471 @solohqrry @loveofmyloif @sparxx27 @kaitieskidmore1 @xpoisonousrosesx @cruecifymesixx @ijustwanttokiss70srogertaylor @emmaelizabeth2014 @meetthesixxter @sixxsixxsexx @sublimeprincesswasteland @arianareirg @girlnight-terror @mcnibberachi

@fancywasmyname1 @teller258316 @ggorehorror @blowinmeupwithherlove @xrosegoldwolfx @mylifeisjustafeverdream @redlipscrystalskies14 @str4nge-haze

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

I wake up to the smell of coffee drifting in under the bedroom door, and I stretch, seeing Nikki on his side of the bed, snoring softly.

Pulling the covers off of myself, I get up and throw on my robe to cover my naked body and step into the kitchen to see Karen at the counter.

Karen was Doc's best solution he could muster up to try to keep Nikki straight off drugs.

After calling Doc and Bob Timmons that night Nikki shot out our ceiling, Doc asked Karen, who worked at the Mötley office, to move in.

Hats off to her because she didn't argue, and Nikki did calm down a little when she was there because he was convinced she was a spy for Doc and was telling him what Nikki was doing at all times.

Nikki didnt want to hear shit from Doc, so he tried to hide his drug use from Karen when she was home.

"Good morning." She greets me, patiently waiting for the coffee to get done. "Sorry if I woke you up."

"No, no, it's fine, I needed to get up anyway, uh...what time is it?" I ask her, rubbing my eyes.

"About 9:00." She replies.

"Okay, I'm gonna wake him up and get ready and that reporter should be here around--"

I'm cut off by the doorbell and I look at her.

"You go wake him up, get him showered, I'll stall." She assures me, shooing me with her hand as she steps to open the door."

I rush to our bedroom and shut and lock the door, walking over to wake Nikki up.

"Babe, c'mon." I nudge at him several times until he's groaning a little. "Nikki, wake up."

"Just climb on and get off when you're finished. I'm sure it'll still get up without me being awake." He mumbles tiredly, about to drift back off before I'm hitting his arm sternly.

"Nikki, you need to wake up. That reporter came early. We need to get dressed."

"Jesus." He lets out, frustrated, and I rub my lips together. His hazel eyes open to look at me and he smirks. "You're actually talking to me today?"

I've been ignoring him for nearly a week now ever since he broke our ceiling and embarrassed me in front of our friends.

"I'm getting into character so he doesn't write that I'm not talking to you in the article. Doc said to be as lovey as possible." I add. "So hurry up."

I walk to our bathroom and start the shower, quickly discarding my clothes and climbing in as he trudges into the bathroom.

By the time I'm rinsing shampoo from my hair, he's getting in, his eyes wandering up and down my naked body that currently has soapy water running down it.

"Don't get any ideas, Sixx, I'm still mad at you."

"What kind of man do you think I am?" He puts a hand over his heart as if he's hurt and I roll my eyes, finishing rinsing my hair.

"Move." I say so I can put conditioner in my hair and he grins, about to switch places with me, and his hands hold at my body as we trade spots and I glare at him.

"What? I was helping you move." He innocently states, the slightest hint of a smirk on his lips, and I cut my eyes at him.

He just wets his hair as I get the tangles out of mine with conditioner and we change once more.

By the time he's rinsing his hair again and I'm lathering up in body wash, I feel his finger trace down my spine.

"Nikki." I say in warning and I hear his faint chuckling.

"Sorry." He mumbles, taking his fingers off of me.

When I'm done, about to tell him I need to get under the water, his hands are sliding up my sides and he's getting closer to me, pulling me against him, taking my ear between his teeth in a nip.

"Nikki, we don't have time for this." I let out in a soft giggle.

"So?" He asks, pressing a kiss to my neck, his hands moving up to hold at my chest, rolling his thumbs over my nipples, causing me to take a sharp breath and push my ass against him.

He lets out a soft moan, and I turn to face him, our lips, teeth and tongues meeting in a rough, passionate, kiss, as my body is pulled against his.

"Are you still mad at me?" He says, running his thumb across my bottom lip, looking like he's confident that I'm not still upset with him.

"Get finished, we have stuff to do." I tell him, giving him one last kiss before sliding past him to rinse off.

"Change it to cold water before you leave." He grumbles and I smile to myself, changing the temperature of the water before getting out of the shower.

Once I get my hair towel dried and finish getting ready, I'm cautiously stepping into the hallway, walking where I hear Karen and the reporter talking at the dinner table.

"Yeah, they..." Karen trails off, seeing me. "...Oh, here she is." She states.

He turns around to face me and I rub my lips together, extending my hand to him.

"Len Donoghue." He tells me, shaking my hand.

"Vivian Sixx." I reply, politely. "Um, Nikki's getting some clothes on now, he'll be here in a minute."

"Oh, starting Valentine's Day off right, huh?" He chuckles and I feel my face go red with embarrassment as Karen attempts to curve the conversation.

"You were saying earlier you attend night classes? What degree are you pursuing?" She asks him and I take the opportunity to step to the kitchen and grab a cup of coffee.

Nikki's already there, seeming to be stalling as he takes his time examining the array of coffee cups in our cupboard.

"You don't drink coffee, baby." I remind him and he glances at me before handing me a cup.

"I was supposed to wake up this morning to a blow job. Not a fucking hotshot know-it-all scribe jotting down every last syllable of shit I say only to fabricate and cut it up before printing it in a way that makes me look bad." He mumbles and I give him a soft smile, my fingers running through the ends of his hair.

"It will be okay, Nikki. Just smile and it'll be over before you know it." I encourage him.

He sighs out, kissing me briefly before I pour my coffee and we step to the dinner table, where Len is lighting up at the site of Nikki.

"Hey, man, Nikki." Nikki introduces himself, shaking Len's hand.

"Len Donoghue, it's a pleasure." He smiles enthusiastically at him and Nikki nods before motioning to the kitchen.

"I'm gonna cook some breakfast if you wanna start your interrogation in the kitchen." Nikki says in a joking tone, but in know he means "interrogation" literally.

"Sure." Len nods, the three of us stepping to the kitchen as Karen gets up and heads to her bedroom to hangout until we're done.

I hoist myself onto the counter, watching as Nikki pulls the eggs from the fridge and I tense up as I multiple paper bags on the shelves before he closes the fridge.

I hope Len didn't notice.

"You've even got that particular detailing in here." Len comments, looking up at the mirrored ceiling.

"Yeah, I read somewhere mirror creates the illusion of a more open room." Nikki tells him, grabbing a bowl to crack the eggs into.

"That's why the place is covered in mirror?"

"Yeah, why else would it be?" He pretends to play dumb, and Len glances at me before shaking his head a little. "No reason."

"When did you move into this place?" He asks us and Nikki starts cracking the eggs.

"Uhh...like..." He looks at me. "...Over a year ago? Year and a half?"

I just nod and he confirms it.

"Yeah, over a year ago."

"Who's idea was it to live out here?" He asks next and Nikki nods towards me.

"She liked the house and I got it once we had the money." He explains.

"That makes me sound like a gold digger." I say.

"Okay, we drove by one day and she said it was a nice house and I went behind her back and got it and surprised her with it once I had the money." He corrects and Len smiles.

"Is he always nice like that?" He asks me.

"Despite how he seems publicly, he's a nice guy." I tell him and Nikki shushes me as if I can't tell his secret, making me chuckle as he grins, pouring the eggs into the heated pan.

"There's a lot of mystery around you two, is that something that's good to you or backfires sometimes?"

"It's good." Nikki states. "It's really nobody's business unless we do stuff like this," he motions to Len, "And let people in on it."

"We don't necessarily understand what the big deal is about, honestly. There's plenty of people dating or married to someone who isn't quite like them. The fact we're in the public eye doesn't make it any more interesting, honestly." I add.

"Yeah, people would be disappointed if they saw how our relationship works just like everyone else's." Nikki puts in next.

"I think you two being together really invokes certain conversations because one of you is a by the book Christian, and the other has been accused of Satanism in the past." Len suggests with a small chuckle. "So you're pretty opposite of each other in that sense but you still manage to get along well enough to feel the need to marry one another."

"We're opposite of each other in every sense, almost." Nikki tells him, finishing on the eggs.

"Really?"

"She's more reserved, conservative, quiet, innocent, sober, religious, organized..." Nikki names off a few things. "...and there's me."

"I wanna touch on that, really, because 'sober' is not something associated with rockstars or really this industry much at all, really, with so much money and access to excess and so on, have you really never had a drink of alcohol or was that an exaggeration? I mean, really, your friends, husband, piers are doing God knows what and you've never at least been curious enough to try something out?" He asks me and I shake my head.

"No. And that's not something I ride through the streets and shout out or project at a party or use to talk down on other people with. I choose not to do that because it doesn't interest me, it interests some people, some people enjoy it, but I've never really been drawn to any of it. And especially the really hard stuff, I've never felt the need or allure to that because I've seen what it does to people. But I don't turn my nose up at people who want a beer after work or have some cocktails with their girl friends on a night out. I don't even think I'm any better than the addicts that claw their eyes out while they're on dope. That's their business." I tell him, and Nikki clears his throat, putting the eggs into a bowl to be scooped out by who ever that wants them as he pulls the package of bacon from the fridge next.

"So you're the trusted D.D. when it's a night out?" Len asks me and I nod.

"Oh, yeah." I nod.

"Back to the 'opposites' topic, how did someone like you, get together with someone like her?" He questions Nikki again and Nikki let's out a breath, smirking.

"The clean version." I warn Nikki and he laughs.

"Oh, c'mon, Viv." He nudges me and I raise my brows. "Okay, fine, we met at a club on the strip, Tommy introduced us, and he had told me she was coming down there to see us and that she was a dancer and her mom was super strict, and just telling me and Mick some things about her because he and Vince had grown up with her, but we'd never met her. So she comes down there, and she's dressed like a fucking--I don't even know, nothing like what I was use to seeing on the Strip. And we just couldn't stand each other, honestly. We would aggravate the piss outta each other, I'd harrass her and purposely do and say stuff that I knew would gross her out and she would pick at me and deliberately say shit to get under my skin and piss me off. I called her 'Saint Viv' and 'Virgin Viv' and she'd call me 'Devil Spawn' and we just really got on each other's nerves, man."

"What changed that?" He asks and I wait to see how Nikki's going to say "I screwed her into my ratty mattress" in a PG way.

"There was this one night, I don't even know what happened, but I just realized I was really, really into her, and I guess she realized the same because we've been together ever since." He tells him.

"So, it's worth all the criticism about you not being the real deal because you've 'settled down'?"

"I'm not an idiot, I know people dont talk shit because I've 'settled down', they talk shit about who I've 'settled down' with. And if being with someone who's got my back, and strives to push me be the best in can be, and supports me and helps me up when I need it, then I will loud and proud shout from the hills that I've 'settled down.' I write music based off what inspires me, some of Mötley's best songs have been inspired by the very girl I'm criticized for being with because they either think she's boring or isn't bad enough for me or whatever bullshit they drum up. But I don't need someone who's bad through and through, that would be a disaster. She's bad wear it counts." He informs him and I squeeze my eyes shut.

"Nikki!" I scold.

"I'm just saying." He shrugs. "And I'd hate being with someone who's exactly like me because then I wouldn't be learning new things, or having engaging conversation that challenges my views, or see a different perspective, and she wouldn't have that, either. So I think all the street rock posers downing on me for being with a 'goody goody' and the holier-than-thou Tipper Gore carbon copies that give Viv shit for being with a 'satan worshiper' can all kiss our asses and fuck off."

Len nods, looking impressed but not shocked with Nikki's words.

"Wanna add anything to that?" He asks me.

"Ditto." I reply and Nikki smiles at me for a moment.

After Nikki's finished cooking, we're sitting at the table, and get on the topic of music.

"Is there any idea when the new music will be coming out?" He asks Nikki and Nikki nods, taking a sip of his orange juice.

"Sometime this year." He says.

"Is it gonna have a 'Theater of Pain' feel to it or is it gonna hold the same change that, that album did compared to 'Shout at the Devil'?"

"Well, we change our sound because we grow. I don't think it's too far off, I think it's all still rock 'n roll, but the sound differs a little bit with each album because we evolve." He replies.

"Any album in particular that you've made so far that's a favorite or is the best yet to come?"

Nikki gets a happy, proud grin on his face.

"The best is yet to come." He states. "Some really cool stuff is in the works."

"I'm glad to hear that because I actually am a fan of you guys' so that's a good word from you." He tells him.

"Great." Nikki says, his bare foot kicking at mine under the table.

I kick back as Len is oblivious and continues asking questions.

"Are you into their music, too, or are you just along for the ride because you kind of have to be?" He nods to me as Nikki and I are now in a kicking war, despite acting like nothing's happening.

"Yeah, I like their music."

He looks a little taken back by my answer.

"You listen to Mötley Crüe without obligation?"

"Well, yeah." I tell him.

"She looks like a frilly flower girl so you don't expect that, right?" Nikki asks, and I kick him under the table and he kicks me back, again.

"What else do you listen to?" Len asks me.

"A little bit of everything. If it's catchy or has a good groove to it, it doesn't matter the artist, I'll buy it. I listen to ABBA, Chaka Khan, Hank William's Jr, Deep Purple, BeeGees..."

"And everything in between?"

"And everything in between." I chuckle. "I also have Bon Jovi but Nikki's always trying to steal it and get rid of it."

"You don't like Bon Jovi?" Len asks, seemingly insulted and Nikki looks at me with cut eyes and a devious smirk, like he's gonna get even with me, later.

"I like Jon, I've hung out with him several times, he's a cool guy. Vocally, he nails it every time. Lyrically, musically, I can't fucking stand it. It's like being stuck on the tea cups at Disney. You wanna get off before you throw up."

"So, you don't mind ABBA, but Bon Jovi's a no-go?"

"...Basically..." He rubs his eye. "But, I mean, I might tolerate some of it if she put it on and started doing a little strip tease or something. I'd consider it, then."

I glare at him and Len laughs, as Nikki smiles innocently at me.

Once we're done eating, we offer a tour of the house, which Len eagerly accepts.

"Obviously, living room." Nikki motions.

"What happened to the ceiling?" He asks, noticing the empty ceiling space.

"Nikki thought it would be smart to throw a baseball in the house. The whole ceiling suffered." I lie and Len raises his brows.

"I bet that was fun to clean up."

"We wouldn't know, we paid someone to come out here and do it for us." Nikki mumbles. "Alright, awards and achievements." He says next, motioning to his freshly reframed gold and platinum disc awards, and my ballet trophies I've racked up from childhood to the beginning of senior year, that Nikki practically made me put on display when we moved in because he thinks it's something I should be proud of enough to showcase to people.

"Guest bedrooms, and bathroom down here." Nikki motions down the hall. "Garage, here." We walk down a couple of steps to the garage door and open it up, switching on the light.

His bike, his Corvette and mine, greet us and Len nods.

"Nothing too extravagant." He voices to us.

"I'm looking at a blacked out Mercedes right now, I might end up getting it soon." Nikki tells him.

"Oh, really?" I ask, crossing my arms.

"I was gonna tell you about it later, babe." He assures me.

"Right, like you told me about the Jeep and the Harley?"

"Ha. Ha." He let's out sarcastically. "We have a pool." He quickly discards our disagreement, leading Len back up the steps and into the house to take him to the pool.

By the time the interview is at a closing, it's almost 1:00pm, and I hope he has enough material to make a decent article.

"Thanks for letting me come by, I really do appreciate it." Len thanks us, shaking my hand before shaking Nikki's hand one last time. "It was really an honor get to talk to you, man, good luck with the album. Can't wait to hear it."

"Thanks." Nikki replies.

"Alright, you two take care, have a good evening." He tells us, turning to walk to his car.

"You, too." Nikki says before shutting the door.

When it's shut, he's turning to look down at me.

"What is it?" I ask him.

"I'm probably gonna go get some stuff from town." He states and I nod.

"Okay, I'm probably about to hangout by the pool with Karen for a few minutes." I tell him, heading to our bedroom to put my swimsuit on.

I hear the fridge open and shut--he's grabbing some of his heroin--before he's telling me he'll be back in a few minutes.

Once the garage door shuts, I'm stepping out to find Karen in her bedroom.

"Hey," I start and she looks up from where she's laying on her bed, reading. "I was gonna go lay out for a few minutes, do you wanna come?"

"Yeah, I'll be out there in a second. Let me get changed."

The phone starts ringing and I head to answer it, hoping it's not someone calling to tell me Nikki's been in an accident.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" Steven's voice happily declares on the other end of the line.

"Happy Valentine's Day." I reply, stepping to the kitchen to grab a Pepsi from the fridge.

"I-Is Sixx around?"

"Not right now, he's running errands in town." I explain to him.

"Oh...well when he gets back can you get him to call me back?"

"Yeah. Is everything alright?"

"It's perfect. Love you. Gotta go." He abruptly hangs up and I furrow my brows a little, hanging the phone back up.

A few minutes into sunbathing, I'm laying on my stomach with my bikini string untied as Karen chats away while I drift in and out of sleep.

"I'm gonna go use the bathroom." Karen tells me, getting up off her pool chair, heading into the house.

I give her a wave of my hand without opening my eyes, letting out a relaxed breath.

My body tenses for a moment at the feeling of Nikki's lips pressing the center of my spine, working their way up to my hair.

"Hi." I say, sitting up, tying my top back into place as he sits on my chair beside me. "Steven called and wanted you to call him back."

"He called again just when I got in so I already talked to him." He tells me and I nod. "I was out getting stuff for tonight." He wiggles his brows for a second and I try not to laugh.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Some more wine for me, the fizzy grape juice for you, and some more candles."

"You don't like just screwing around with a candle on because you can't see everything." I point out and he smirks.

"I didn't buy them for light." He says and I raise my brows, a lusty feeling washing through me at the thought.

"Race you to the bedroom!" I shout, about to take off but he grabs at my hips and pulls me down to his lap, laughing at my eagerness. "Nikki, we don't have time to waste. I have carbonated grape juice to sip on and hot candle wax to be dripped in, and that's not even including the sleazy stuff that follows, so c'mon." I struggle to pull his arms from around my waist so I can get free.

"Viv, we'll get to that later tonight, you gotta get ready for your surprise." He tells me.

"I have a surprise?"

"Yeah."

"What is it?"

"A surprise."

"Nikki."

"Viv."

"...Fine." I huff and he let's me out of his lap, handing me the roses he got me. "Where is this surprise?"

"Can't tell you. Just get changed, dress up a little bit if you want to." He tells me.

I guess he thought since he had died the year before, he should put his all into making up for it the following year.

I have to give it to him, he outdid himself that Valentine's Day...but he had some help.

"Okay, no peeking." Nikki says to me after securing the blindfold around my eyes and I grin, my hand in his as he helps me out of his Corvette.

I'm taken off guard by him suddenly picking me up, shutting the passenger side door with his foot.

"What are you doing?" I chuckle out.

"I don't want you to walk and hear your steps because it'll spoil the surprise."

"I feel you struggling to keep me up." I say to him, poking fun.

"I'm not struggling."

"Okay but if you drop me, I'm kicking your ass." I add.

"I'll kick your ass right back." He scoffs.

"Okay, then put me down and let's go, Sixx. Best two out of three."

"You're like a baby bird: all mouth." He taunts me.

"You're a baby bird: all whining."

"Virgin Vivian."

"Devil Spawn."

"Are you ready to see your surprise or are you gonna keep running your mouth?" He asks and I roll my eyes behind the blindfold and exhale.

"Fine."

He sets me down, and my heels click against the sound of wood.

"Alright, ready?"

"Yes."

The blindfold comes off, and Steven's firing off one of those tiny confetti poppers as he, Nikki and Duff all saying, "Tada!" at the same time.

We're standing inside of Mandy's old rehearsal space, except it's not shitty looking anymore.

The holes in the ceiling are patched up, it's got new lights, the floors are fresh and the once scratched up and worn down mirror is replaced, completely brand new.

I can't even form words, my eyes watering, my hand grasping Nikki's tightly.

"What do ya think?" Duff asks me.

"I-I..." I try to talk, but can't.

"Do you like it?" Nikki asks next and I'm turning to face him, wrapping my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly, nearly knocking him off balance. "Woah." He laughs, his hand rubbing up and down my back.

I'm wiping my tears when I pull away, catching his lips with mine when he leans down to kiss me for a second.

Knowing Duff was the one who bought the place from Mandy to begin with, I hug him to me next.

"Thank you." I sniffle out to him, giving him a tight squeeze before pulling away.

"It wasn't a problem, Viv." He assures me as Steven clears his throat.

"I wiped the finger prints off the mirror." He tells me and I smile, hugging him, too.

"Thank you." I say, ruffling his fluffy blonde hair.

Duff's grasping my hand, turning it over so my palm is facing upward before he's putting a key in it, closing my fingers around it.

I give him a genuine, grateful, closed-lip smile, and he returns it, his kind eyes seeming to have a spark of extra liveliness from being in his element of doing good things to make people happy.

I swear I can see Nikki scowling at us from the corner of my eye, but the look is gone from his face as soon as it arrives.

#nikki sixx #mötley crüe #nikki sixx fanfiction #nikki sixx x oc #gateway drug

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fatehbaz · 4 years

Note

I really love and appreciate your blog, primarily because I have zero background in this field but your posts are very good at presenting bite-sized pieces of information that encourage thoughtful consideration without browbeating me for my ignorance. Every time you post something, I'm like "I'm gonna learn something cool and important!" and I'm never afraid that I'll be belittled for needing to learn it. (1/2)

Oh. Wow. Thank you. I know I’ve said before that I struggle to accept when my effort is acknowledged or when kind things are said about me. I do struggle. So, once again, I am a bit speechless, especially at the magnitude of acknowledgement like yours here. Thank you for … recognizing me and for letting me know this. You’ve given me what is probably the most important type of compliment, the one that probably means most to me. Which is that I, in whatever capacity, have been involved in making someone enthusiastic, and that specifically I’ve somehow encouraged excitement about learning A Thing. I know this sounds like something you’d hear from, like, a lifeless artificial intelligence-infused robot programmed to embody the worst of superficial but ultimately cynical 1980s-era sloganeering. But I mean it, and I want to try to explain why.

Regarding “education” and sharing of information generally: I see sharing of information as a sort of community. You share your expertise with me, I try to contribute something as well. Mutual respect. Mutual aid. Respect for each other’s experience and autonomy. Genuine consideration for each other. Stuff like that.

Regarding the amount of my writing that ends up being “informational” even when I didn’t originally intend for it to be: This is going to sound a bit childish and schmaltzy, but I just want to share. But, like, not share in a “please listen to me speak” kind of way. It’s more like, I want to really share. When I’m rambling about landscapes or salamanders or ecological relationships or whatever, I don’t want to force-feed information to people, I don’t want to be perceived as woke or knowledgeable or authoritative or whatever. It’s more like … I found a shiny rock or a dazzling orchid, right? And I’ve got it in the palm of my hand, and I’m holding it up and I’m saying “look, look at this thing, isn’t it precious!”

Sometimes, it’s literally because I found a frog or a wildflower, and I’m like “look!” Is it kind of about validating my own existence? Am I asking “Am I the only one seeing this? Confirm or deny if I’m really alive and participating in consensus reality by acknowledging that we’re observing the same thing.” Maybe a little bit. But still. It’s more like: “We’re all depressed, we’ve all been traumatized, the world is dying in flames, but look at this thing! This toad is smiling at us!”

—-

Your words are a lot for me to process, not only because they are thoughtful and kind and specific, but because you’re directly talking about two things that I honestly and wholeheartedly care deeply about: (1) enthusiasm for sharing information, and (2) patience (or, more specifically, finding a balance between “avoiding coddling” and being patient and accessible.)

I really don’t want to distract, but I hope you don’t mind if I just ramble for a minute about coddling and compassion? (I ask rhetorically as I continue to ramble anyway!) I’m not going to monologue just for my own sake, I promise. (I know that it might sometimes look like I enjoy hearing myself “speak,” and I promise that I really don’t.) Instead, I want to say this as a way of letting you know that you “correctly identified” the things that I care about when approaching dialogue, education, and community-building.

On coddling: I care deeply about compassion. Something I didn’t get a lot of exposure to as a child or young person. I actively try hard to consider where other people are coming from. Though, of course we won’t coddle people who consciously provoke harm, people whose actions and opinions actually and consistently result in harm. Like, I won’t ever hesitate to call-out mean-spirited stuff; abuse; unjust violence; stuff like that. (Well, in fact, I actively look for these things to call-out, especially IRL or in-person.) But, in a group of well-meaning people, who genuinely want to be good, who might have some “not-great” opinions but who are genuinely willing to improve when encountering new information and who won’t resist and deflect upon encountering the information? I absolutely have multitudes of patience for that.

As someone who cares for and explicitly writes about decolonization, I have to say: I have patience for well-meaning people. Lots of patience. Don’t get me wrong, though. We’ve seen this behavior on this site and online spaces aplenty: If people resist and deflect when encountering new information, in order to preserve their own privilege and comfort – and this is key! – even after they’ve been shown resulting harm and they have consciously recognized the harm they might inflict? Were they really “well-meaning” to begin with, then?

So ultimately, I really don’t want to sound overly sentimental, like an after-school special, or in the way that a person might mask their own quiet discontent by overcompensating with superficial florid performance of extreme emotions, but! I feel obligated to say that I’ve been a not-great person plenty of times, and I’ve had plenty of “ontologically incorrect” opinions. And I try to constantly improve, to lessen the harm that I still cause, even if it’s inadvertent. So, if people mean well, I want to offer patience and extend benefit of the doubt. I didn’t always get offered that room to grow and improve when I was young. And it’s painful, and I don’t want to inflict that upon anyone who’s genuinely putting in the effort. It’s extremely disheartening, if someone is actively attempting to improve and participating in an educational dialogue. You know how some people get dramatic secondhand embarrassment on behalf of others? I experience secondhand wincing and pain when I see someone who’s genuinely trying to learn get shut down.

I guess that, by saying this, I wanted to basically let you know that I’m very grateful that you brought these issues up. And thank you so much for specifically saying that I’ve actually, occasionally achieved that balance between patience and avoiding excessive coddling. I don’t know if I have, but I’m glad it shows that I’m trying!

(Despite all this florid writing, in “The Real World,” I’m told that I physically appear somber and perpetually angsty, for what it’s worth.)

–

So, the feeling’s mutual, in a way? (Makes sense?) I am grateful to know people here and I’m grateful to share. We’re sitting in the cyber-prairie opening, pointing at the pool in the stream’s eddy: “The 11,000-year-life of civilization is collapsing and we’re caught in the middle! Look at these salamanders!”

Typical response from me: needlessly long, overwrought, meandering, probably looks very pretentious. Thank you all for tolerating me. I mean it.

I feel like I’m not doing you justice by leaving this with a simple “thank you,” so just know that I sincerely appreciate that you reached out.

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underthemoon-and-stars · 5 years

Note

Are you willing to write a Stucky with a child that has Cystic Fibrosis? If so, can it be a domestic fluff? Like Bucky finds the kid and they remind him of Pre-serum Steve so he and Bucky take them in. Thank you if you can. (I'm sorry just want to see a CF character in a fandom I love)

Hi dear!! I was very nervous to write this as I wasn't very aware of the symptoms of CF. I went on a lot of medical sites and I think I have the information right? If not I am so so sorry and I will redo it!! Also I'm going to make their child a daughter but feel free to switch up the pronouns! -Selenophile

Cystic fibrosis is a genetic condition, which means that it is something you are born with. Cystic fibrosis is known to cause your lungs to produce extra-thick, sticky mucus. This mucus builds up and clogs your airways. Side effects include persistent cough with phlegm, postnasal drip, wheezing, shortness of breath, inability to exercise, as well as poor growth and low body weight despite a good appetite.

Y/N reads the doctors note every day. When she was younger, she didn't understand one word of it. At two years of age she would hand over the card to the family that had high hopes of adopting a little girl. They would usually leave without her. Her housemother, Mrs. Hamilton, always played it off as a different type of superhero form the comic books. Not a lot of adults want superhero babies. It was so easy to believe that. Now she’s 18. She getting released into the real world Luckily, her friend offered her house just till she can find a college to stay at. Y/N had to learn the hard way that adults don't want a sick kid.

“Hey kiddo” Mrs. Hamilton said, her tone soft like silk. “You read that dumb note everyday. It means nothing.”

“It apparently does. No adult wanted me in my 18 years of being here.” Y/N retaliated.

“Don't think about that. They didn't deserve you anyway.”

Y/N sighed and picked up her tote bags. “I’ll miss your kindness, Mrs. Hamilton.”

“You have my number if you need me.”

“I know”

They shared a long tender hug. Y/N pulled away once she felt a little tickle in her throat. The tickle sadly turned into a whole fit.

“Hey, if you ever need me to pay for your Bronchodilators, please text me. I don't mind.”

“Of course Mrs. Hamilton. Ill see you around.”

And with that, Y/N made her way down the stairs. This place, so familiar, was now going to be apart of her past. She remembers running all around with her “brothers”. Patiently eating dinner with her “sisters” was the best. Even exploring the world with their gender-fluid and non-binary siblings was so exciting. Mrs. Hamilton and her always had the best talks. Mr. Hamilton helped with her homework. So, so many memories from this place. She’ll miss it.

The outside world was so much different now that Y/N was out on her own. She took her meds this morning, so that once gross, pollen-infested air didn't even bother her anymore. Her brave feet carried her away from the place she used to call home. The first order of business before heading to her house of 2 months though, get some lunch. Wendy’s has a pretty amazing salad and it was only 2 blocks down. Lucky for her, 2 blocks was her walking limit. Off she went.

That's where Bucky and Steve were enjoying a lovely lunch as well. Steve had a hamburger, and Bucky had some chicken nuggets.

“Alright dear” Steve said “Check Wendy's off your list”

“Already did. I think its pretty good! Not my favorite though.” Bucky replied happily.

The newly-founded couple have been going to one fast food place a week to introduce Bucky to different types. Any fast food restaurant one could think of, they're going. It was a mix of a date and bringing Bucky up to modern times. It was good for them.

“Bucky, all you get is chicken nuggets you should branch out.”

“Leave me aloneeee I love my chicken nuggets”

They giggled together, and returned to eating. That's when Y/N walked through the door. She was already panting. Not even realizing, she passed the two men who would change her life.

Y/N stood patiently, waiting to order. Bucky watched her. Her small, skinny stature reminded him so much of young Steve. Even the way she panted after walking in. Steve would do the same.

“Who are you looking at my love?” Steve questioned.

“Oh, the girl on line. She reminds me so much of you. Skinny, Small, I heard her panting. Look she's coughing now too. What was it called?”

Steve turns around and smiles “Bucky she's cute but what's your point?”

Bucky jumped up “I'm gonna talk to her!”

“That's cute love but please come back id like to enjoy our date before our next mission”

The long-haired man nodded, skipping happily over to Y/N. Just as he was approaching though, an older man came behind her and snatched her wallet. Bucky was ready to pounce, but Y/N was first to it. She was so weak, so she flung right off with a simple push of the man.

“Hey doll, you alright?” He asked softly.

She nodded weakly, already shaking. Steve rushed out the door to follow the man.

“That's my boyfriend, he’ll get your wallet. Why don't you sit with us? I’ll get your lunch! What would you like?”

Y/N looked up at him. “I-I” she took a minute to wheeze out a cough “T-that's too kind of y-you.”

“Please its my pleasure! what would you like?”

Y/N tells him a simple Caesar Salad. He happily picks her up, along with her stuff. Bucky told her where she was sitting, and she made her way.

This is so weird. Y/N thinks to herself. She takes a seat regardless through, watching the tall blonde walk towards the shorter brunette. She sees her wallet and feels at ease.

“She’s either a runaway or an orphan whos turned 18. We need to take her in” Bucky whispered into his ear.

“Or she's just heading off to college? I cant put a girl a risk” Steve whispered back.

“Please Steve. She reminds me so much of you. She cant survive out here one her medication runs out. And to be honest? She seems like she has a low dosage the way she's still wheezing and coughing like that.”

“One day James. If she changes my mind in one day, we can keep her”

Bucky happily kissed Steve's cheek. He carefully grabbed the salad and took it to the girl.

They ate together rather happily. The couple learned her name was Y/N. She’s and 18 year old girl who just came out of the system, just like Bucky hypothesized. To sum up her condition , she showed them the note - which was only kept for nostalgic purposes - which made Steve feel connected to her more.

“So no one adopted you because you have Cystic Fibrosis?” Bucky asked

“No one wants a sick kid”

Steve sympathized. “I used to have CF too. Once I got the super solider serum I never had to deal with it again. I understand where you come from though. Being constantly underweight and small, also no matter how hard you try you cant become better at exercise. I get it.”

Bucky took Steve’s hand and kissed his cheek. Y/N smiled, continuing to eat her salad. She didn't even question the fact that he was Captain America, she understands how it feels to be bombarded with questions.

They managed to convince Y/N to stay for the night. She fought them on it, telling them they were being way too nice for a girl who was about to ruin their night. Bucky continued to tell her to shush it, while Steve was having a change of heart.

It was a good night. They watched TV together, enjoyed a lovely home cooked dinner, talked some more about each other and even played some old timey board games. Y/N had the time of her life. No way on Earth would she do this with any other adult who offered her help. Since Steve had a similar experience and Bucky helping him through said experience, it gave Y?N the confidence to take the offer. She never regretted it

That one day became one week. That one week became one month. The one month became a year. Steve and Bucky were there every step of the way. Convincing to ask the little web slinger Peter Parker out to prom, taking said prom pictures, helping Y/N with homework, taking her on cool adventures. The day of her high school graduation they gave her the gift of a car. She gave them the official title of Dad. When the papers for official guardianship were clear, it was the happiest day of the trio’s life.

Now, its the night before Y/N goes to college. Her bags were packed. Her small, cozy bedroom looked so vacant now. Her dads were cuddled up on the couch.

“Got any room for a jellybean?” She asked softly.

“Yes we do! Always!” Bucky cheered happily,splitting apart from Steve. The small girl jumped in, which was a big mistake since she was already taking deeper breaths.

“Did your school accommodate for your CF?” Steve asked, giving her a big fat kiss on her cheek.

With a giggle, she replied “Yeah dad, They put me in the closest dorm to the classroom. They also put me on the lower floor on the dorm building. AND Peter said he was gonna help me out.”

“You and Peter are too cute, I'm happy he takes interest in you”

“Thanks Dad 2″

Y/N leaned right into her dad 2 where she was scooped under the chilly metal. Steve got up, moving to the fleshier side of his husband. Yes, in the year Y/N lived with them, they finally got themselves together and got married. Y/N was Bucky’s maid of honor, and she joined in on the couples first dance.

They watched the stupid soap opera that was on late at night. all three of them couldn't even keep up with what was happening.

“Dads, I love you” Y/N blurted out.

“Woah kid, you better catch your breath, because we love you too.” Bucky responded as Steve reached over, playing with the girls hair. Her happy giggled gave Steve and Bucky the message: they changed this girls world.

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The Weekend Warrior 10/8/21 - NO TIME TO DIE, THE RESCUE, MASS, LAMB, NIGHTSTREAM, and More

It's a very special week here at the Weekend Warrior because October 10 will be my 20th (!!) anniversary as a film critic and the 20th anniversary of me doing a weekly movie preview column, mostly about box office but also with reviews and other stuff. Pretty cool, huh? (I’m celebrating this occasion by writing this column to the music of Public Enemy’s Apocalypse 91 which is 30 years old this month.)

Of course, this column wasn't called The Weekend Warrior in the early days, as I was instead doing "Half-Assed Analysis” at a long-gone Hollywood Stock Exchange fan site called HSJ.org. But then, it was a conversation with Mirko P. from ComingSoon.net (R.I.P.) that got me on the track of changing the name to "The Weekend Warrior" even though it would be a year before I would actually bring it to ComingSoon for 12 ½ wonderful years. The column has gone through a number of transformations and evolutions and iterations over the years, sometimes it being called something different just 'cause I didn't want to go through the ordeal of explaining to one of my bosses at a website that "The Weekend Warrior” is my own, and if I leave, it goes with me.

Anyway, I have taken a few weeks off over the years, particularly earlier this year when it just didn't seem a good time to be trying to predict box office, and I was starting to get burnt out on reviews. Now, the column is kind of back to being mostly about box office but with a few reviews, which is how I've always intended it.

Who knows if I'm going to continue this on that much longer, because honestly, there's no money and very little reward, and it does take a lot of time to write this up each week, especially with all the work I have to do for Below the Line. Anyway, for now, I'm going to keep it going, and we'll see how it goes. But Happy 20th Anniversary to me, and I can promise you… there won't be 20 more. NO FUCKING WAY.

Before we get to this week’s theatrical releases, I feel the need to mention the first of a bunch of October horror film festivals, as NIGHTSTREAM will begin on Thursday and run through Oct. 13. This is an amazing streaming horror/genre film festival that was instituted last year by four festivals, the Boston Underground Film Festival, the Brooklyn Horror Film Festival, the North Bend Film Festival, and the Overlook Film Festival when all four were cancelled due to COVID. Some of these are still happening this year as physical in-person festivals but Nighstream continues on. Some of the guests at this year’s Nightstream are The Green Knight director David Lowery; Akela Cooper, who wrote the recent James Wan horror film, Malignant; horror and special make-up FX legend Greg Nicotero, who is also the showrunner on the Creepshow anthology series, and more.

There are so many movies and events going on in the week of Nightstream but some of the highlights include the World Premiere of Jefferson Moneo’s Cosmic Dawn, Scott Friend’s feature debut, To the Moon, and the Virtual Premiere of Scott Barber’s doc, This is Gwar, as well as much more.

You can see the full list of movies here and learn how to get a pass at the official site.

Let’s get to some other movies hitting theaters...

Obviously, the big release of the weekend and maybe the month is the 25th James Bond movie, NO TIME TO DIE (MGM), once again starring Daniel Craig in his final outing as 007, his fifth movie in a run that started with Casino Royale in 2006 and 15 years later, it’s coming to an end.

Obviously, this being Craig’s last stint as Bond is a big draw for the movie, but there are other interesting things to note First, it’s directed by True Detective’s Emmy-winning director Cary Joji Fukunaga, who is making his biggest budget movie to date, having started with smaller films like Sin Nombre and Jane Eyre, and then getting more attention for his festival favorite, Beast of No Nations, starring Idris Elba, who for a while, people seemed to want to play the NEXT Bond.

Much of Bond’s colleagues and friends from past movies are back including Naomi Harris as Moneypenny, Ralph Fiennes as M, Ben Whishaw as Q, but it also brings back Jeffrey Wright, who was introduced as Felix Leitner in Craig’s first film, Casino Royale, and also a few people from the last Bond movie, Spectre, which wasn’t received as well as the previous one, Skyfall. (More on those things in a bit.) Christoph Waltz played Blofeld in Spectre (for better or worse), and he’s back, as is Léa Seydoux, who played Bond's love interest, and actually she continues said role but brings more to the plot.

The new cast is pretty significant, starting with Oscar winner Rami Malek (Bohemian Rhapsody) as the new arch-villain, Safin, and actually, there’s also a new 007 in Lashana Lynch, who replaced Bond after he retired from MI6. There’s another “Bond Girl” (if you don’t mind the outdated trope) in Ana de Armas, who previously starred with Craig in Rian Johnson’s Knives Out, which feels like it was made 500 years ago but actually has a sequel shooting as we speak. In fact, Armas seems to be getting the best notices from everyone who writes about the movie, even though her section probably isn’t more than 15 minutes long.

I’m not going to say more about the plot. You either don’t need to know it in advance cause you’re seeing it anyway or you don’t WANT to know anything, and good for MGM for being able to keep the plot and lots of stuff secret despite the movie being delayed for 18 months due to COVID.

That’s right. No Time to Die was probably one of the first movies delayed due to COVID, and it definitely wasn’t the last, but MGM (and EON Productions) really stuck to their guns, and didn’t allow a streamer to come forward with millions and millions of dollars to put James Bond on streaming. (Granted, Amazon did come forward and ended up buying MGM outright earlier this year, and we’ve yet to see how and when that will come to fruition. As far as I know, Amazon has nothing to do with MGM’s 2021 releases, of which there are a few still to come.)

Actually, the fact that MGM is releasing this one on its own is an interesting point in itself, because it’s been almost 20 years since the studio has done that with Pierce Brosnan’s last Bond film, Die Another Day. In the time since then, MGM has been co-distributing its films with other studios until fairly recently -- the last four Bond movies were released by Sony Pictures. I’m not gonna throw shade at MGM, because they’ve been doing a fantastic job with No Time To Die, essentially marketing the movie once back in early 2020 and then again for its final release spot this Friday. In between, the movie has moved a number of times as COVID just kept ambushing its planned release date. Any weaker studio (like, say Sony) would have just sold the movie off (as Sony has done many times over the past 18 months until finally having a theatrical hit with Venom). Interesting how that works out, huh? MGM took over Bond, and now it’s releasing the new Bond a week after Sony’s biggest 2021 hit, essentially killing its chances at having a decent second weekend.

Others are seeing how well Venom did and are assuming that the box office is back, and that Bond can do even BIGGER numbers, but you need to take a few things into account, including something called REALITY. And it comes from the wonderful box office archive site, The-Numbers.com, which I have been using for those 20 years mentioned above.

Up until Daniel Craig took over the role, the biggest opening for a Bond movie (not accounting for inflation) was Brosnan’s Die Another Day with $47 million. Casino Royale opened with just $40 million in 2006, but it proved to have significant holiday legs as more people discovered it and decided that the new direction of tougher and grittier and more violent action was for them. It made $167 million domestically and $594 million globally. A few years later, Quantum of Solace had a much bigger opening of $67.5 million but made almost the exact same amount domestically -- the reason? People didn’t like it as much as Casino Royale, so it was more frontloaded.

Oscar-winning filmmaker Sam Mendes took over the 50th anniversary Bond movie, Skyfall, four years later, and that was generally as well received as Casino Royale, so that it set a new opening record for the franchise with $88.3 million and OVER A BILLION worldwide. Woo! Three years later, Spectre was going to introduce two classic Bond villains, Blofeld and Jaws (played by David Bautista) but it once again wasn't received that well, and it opened lower with $70 million and “only” made $200 million domestically vs. the $300 million of Skyfall. It still made over $879 million globally, but a final movie for Craig was always going to happen.

Now I’m going to talk about why I don’t think No Time to Die is going to break the opening record set by Skyfall, and believe it or not, it's not because of COVID. This is the thing. Bond clearly peaked with Skyfall and then it dropped down with Spectre, and that movie wasn't that well-received either by critics or fans with 63% from the former on Rotten Tomatoes and 61% from audiences. That is basically Quantum of Solace numbers and down from Skyfall's 92% and 86%. You take that disappointment and then you add six years, which is how long it's been between Bond movies, and you have a lot fewer people interested in shelling out money to see another Daniel Craig movie. There's no way around the fact that people are just burnt out on Craig and maybe Bond himself, and it really would take a huge wave of positive reviews to get them back.

Also, and unlike Venom, Bond is about as white as you can get in terms of a fanbase. I'm sure there's some African-Americans and LatinX movie fans who enjoy the action and stuff, but do you think you would see the entire James Bond collection in their Bluray libraries? I'm sure there are some, but they may be outliers, because Bond is the kind of Baby Boomer anti-woke un-PC franchise that the Millennials have been warning you about for years. It also doesn't have as big a female fanbase as other franchises (like Marvel) so that's another audience that might not rush out to see the movie. Sure, some changes have been made, including additions like Lashana Lynch or as she's better known, "WHO?!?!?", and de Armas, as well, but it's still the same old James Bond. Fukunaga just didn't try hard enough to make the necessary changes, or maybe he wasn't allowed to, because EON's Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. WIlson still hold very tight reins on the Bond films. Whatever has been done may not just be enough and who knows how many will want to see No Time to Die just to give Craig a glorious send-off? There's also the matter of No Time to Die being almost an hour longer than Venom -- longer run time, less screenings, less money per screen. It's simple math.

I already reviewed the movie for Below the Line -- I liked it but had some issues -- and it’s sitting pretty at 83% Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes, which is a good sign for getting the interest of fans to return to theaters for a movie that won’t be available on streaming on VOD for quite some time, I’d imagine.

I’m feeling generally bullish (or is it bearish?) on No Time To Die, especially with how much better Venom: Let There Be Carnage did last weekend compared to my prediction (OUCH!) but I’m also keeping track of that REALITY I mentioned before. Not just COVID on this one, but also opening the movie earlier overseas where the movie can be easily bootlegged and put on piracy sites for people who just don’t want to chance it at movie theaters yet. (I’m going to be writing more about this soon, but I have seen probably 100 movies or more in theaters since they reopened in NYC, and I get tested regularly. I have not tested positive for COVID once.)

The movie has done very well overseas, scoring $121.3 million in its first weekend, but I still don’t think it will open over $80 million in North America. But I do think it will be close, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it opens somewhere between $75 and 80 million.

Without knowing if any of the movies below might be going wider (but highly doubting it), here’s what the weekend Top 10 might look like. Actually, let’s make that the top 8 cause last week’s #9 and 10 were so odd and I have no idea if anything is expanding wider, as I write this:

1. No Time to Die (MGM) - $76.5 million N/A

2. Venom: Let There Be Carnage (Sony) - $31.5 million -65%

3. The Addams Family II (MGM/UA Releasing) - $9.3 million -45%

4. Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (Marvel/Disney) - $ 3.5 million -43%

5. The Many Saints of Newark (New Line/WB) - $2.1 million -55%

6. Free Guy (20th Century/Disney) - $1.3 million -45%

7. Dear Evan Hansen (Universal) - $1.1 million -57%

8. Candyman (Universal) - $700,000 -47%

I think there are just way too many great movies to pick just one "Chosen One,” but since I probably should decide, I'm going with Jimmy Chin and Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi's new documentary THE RESCUE (National Geographic). You may remember Jimmy and Chai from when they won the Oscar for Free Solo, and their latest is just as good. The rescue in the title refers to the 2018 rescue of an 11-kid Thai soccer team called the Wild Boars and their coach when they became trapped in the Tham Luang caves in Northern Thailand, as the annual monsoon season hits early, flooding the caves in which they’re exploring.

To fully understand how they got trapped, you have to have some idea of the structure of this underground cave system, and this film does a great job explaining how the monsoons create flooding in the caves and how much harder it is to get someone out of them when the rain just won’t stop. Two British cave divers, John Volanthen and Richard Standton, are called in to survey the situation and figure out if there’s a way to get the dozen trapped out alive, as time keeps passing until it seems like those kids are trapped without food longer than any human can survive. Seemingly, thousands of locals and foreigners come to the caves in hopes of helping, whether it’s trying to pump out water or dig new tunnels to try to find where the kids are trapped (which is a difficult task in itself).

There’s a good chance you were watching the news and you know the results of this elaborate and daring cave diving rescue, but you definitely don’t know how the plan was developed and pulled off until you actually watch it as it’s taking place. The underwater and cavern footage of the kids and their saviors is absolutely second to none, and it’s hard not to get emotional in the way Chin and Vasarhleyi assemble the footage with the music.

The Rescue is an amazing movie, maybe as good as the duo’s previous one, Free Solo, and it may be the best recapturing/documentation of an important news event that I’ve seen in recent memory.

I was seriously close to having multiple "Chosen Ones” this week, because there are a few other very good movies, including Fran Kranz’s directorial debut MASS (Bleecker Street), which premiered at the Sundance Film Festival, and deservedly received mass praise and stellar reviews. I don't want to say too much about the movie, because its emotional power may lay in not knowing too much about it in advance. The simplest plot is that it involves two couples meeting in the room of a church to have an important face-to-face about a difficult subject, one that needs resolution and absolution from both parties. If you like great writing and amazing performances, than the work of Reed Birney and Anne Dowd (as one couple) and Jason Isaacs and Martha Plympton (as the other) will make this movie a can't miss.

Again, without getting too deep into what the couples discuss, Mass is written and directed similar to one might do a 90-minue one-act play, but it begins with us seeing the people who work at the church trying to set up the room where this eventful tete a tete will take place. It’s surprisingly witty and even elicits a few laughs from Breeda Wool, who is so nervous and awkward about the meeting that’s about to happen.

When the two couples arrives, that’s where we really get into it, but it still starts out slow, a re-aquaintance phase between the two couples, who clearly have a difficult past, try to get through the niceties before getting into the serious conversation at hand. And here is where I’m gonna put a HUGE SPOILER IN HERE FOR THE NEXT PARAGRAPH.

As with so many movies, Mass deals with gun violence and the survivors of the types of school shootings we’ve seen far too many times in the last two decades. Isaacs and Plympton’s son was killed by the other couple’s son, who turned the gun on himself. It creates this dynamic where both couples have lost a son they loved, but Dowd and Birney are put in a spot where they have to try to explain their son’s behavior and if they saw that he was capable of such violence before the shooting took place.

The actors are all terrific, and while you might think a dialogue-heavy movie with four actors sitting at a table might not do much for you… well, first of all, you can go see No Time to Die if that’s more your speed … but Kranz’s direction is more than just getting these emotional performances out of his actors but also capturing it on film and editing it to best effect. There’s even an imperfection to the camera work, sometimes focusing on one actor while another is talking, that makes this long conversation feel even more authentic, as if you’re a fly on the wall in that room.

Again, the writing and performances and direction of Mass makes it one of the most powerful dramatic works this year. I’d love to see any of the four main actors get awards attention, but especially Dowd and Isaacs, who have been so deserving of awards love for a very, very long time.

Icelandic filmmaker Valdimar Jóhansson's LAMB (A24) is a very different movie, this one starring Noomi Rapace and Hilmir Snær Guðnason as Maria and Ingvar, a couple living on a sheep farm (or rather, a lamb farm -- I honestly don't know the difference) who make an incredible discovery when a lamb gives birth to a child they decide to raise as their own. Invar's brother Pétur is not only not impressed but he thinks they’ve gone crazy, but there’s a lot of far more nefarious things going on in and around their remote and isolated farm.

This is a really fascinating film, one that’s fairly subdued but Johansson and his cinematographer (Eli Arenson) beautifully capture the vast landscapes of Iceland and gives us a real idea of how remote and isolated the farm where it mostly takes place is. He also does a great job building on the mystery of this child and the tension that surrounds where it came from, and yet, I’m not sure I’d consider Lamb to be horror, even if A24 is maybe marketing it in that direction. Really, it’s more magical fantasy mixed with character drama, and Rapace is just great as always, really impressing me with her skills delivering baby animals and driving a tractor.

If you dig a bit deeper, you’ll discover that Jóhansson wrote the screenplay with one “Sjón,” an author who has contributed to Lars von Trier's Dancer in the Dark (one of my favorite musical movies) and also wrote The Northman, Robert Eggers next movie.

This is a terrific debut by Jóhansson -- I have an interview with the director over at Below the Line, too -- and it will be highly interesting to see where he goes from here.

I was hoping to watch and review SOUTH OF HEAVEN (RLJEfilms), the new movie from Aharon Keshales, the co-director of the fantastic Israeli thriller, Big Bad Wolves, which stars Jason Sudeikis, Evangeline Lilly, Mike Colter, and Shea Whigham, but I fell foul of a lousy screener and just didn't have tie to watch it before writing this week's column. Sudeikis plays Jimmy, a convict who has served 12 years for armed robbery who gets early parole, and he swears to give his childhood love Annie (Lilly), who is dying from cancer, the best final year of her life.

I also didn't get a chance to watch Russian filmmaker Evgeny Ruman's comedy GOLDEN VOICES (Music Box Films), which opens in New York and L.A. this weekend. It stars Maria Belkin and Vladimir Friedman as Raya and Victor, the Soviet Union’s popular film dubbers who have been translating film classics into Russian for decades. When the country collapses in 1990, the Jewish couple decides to move to Israel in hopes of finding employment. When she answers a help wanted ad looking for “pleasant voices,” she ends up working as a phone sex operator catering to the Russian community in Israel while he falls in with black market film pirates.

I also just haven't gotten around to JUSTIN BIEBER: OUR WORLD (Amazon), directed by Michael D. Ratner, which seems like the fourth or fifth documentary about the global superstar, this one that goes into the making of his 2020 New Year's Eve concert after a three-year hiatus atop the Beverly Hills Hilton for 240 invited guests and millions via livestream. It will stream on Amazon Prime Video this Friday.

A couple horror movies streaming this week are THERE’S SOMEONE INSIDE YOUR HOUSE (Netflix), the new movie from Patrick Brice (Creep), which hits Netflix and involves a masked assailant targetting a high school graduating class to expose the darkest secret of each victim, forcing a group of misfits to band together to stop the killings.

Shudder gets V/H/S 94 (Shudder), the latest anthology horror movie made up of five installments, directed by Simon Barrett, Chloe Okuno, Ryan Prows, Jennifer Reeder, and Timo Tjahjanto. I haven't watched it yet but that's quite a rogue's gallery of horror/genre filmmakers there.

Streaming on Amazon Prime Video are the next two installments of this year's batch of Welcome to the Blumhouse movies, Axelle Carolyn's The Manor, an eerie tale set in a retirement home and starring the legendary Barbara Hershey, and Ryan Zarazoga’s Madres about a young Mexican-American couple having their first child in ‘70s California where he’s sent to work on a farm where the wife finds a talisman and a box with belongings of the former resident. Both of them debut on Amazon Prime Video this Friday, too. Also, you can read my interview with Ms. Carolyn over at Below the Line.

Other movies that just didn't fit into my schedule this week include:

ASCENSION (MTV Documentary Films) VENGEANCE IS MINE (Vertical) PHARMA BRO (1091) KNOCKING (Yellow Veil Pictures)

Next week’s wide release is David Gordon Green’s horror sequel, HALLOWEEN KILLS!

#Reviews #Movies #No Time to DIe #Mass #Lamb #The Rescue #Box Office #Streaming

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