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kinnbig · 3 months

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✨ Simple Gif Colouring for Beginners ✨

I wrote up my basic gif colouring process for a friend recently, but a couple of people here mentioned they'd also find it helpful! so, as requested, this is a beginner-friendly walkthrough of the way I colour my gifs :) it's aimed at brand new gif makers with no prior experience with photoshop or photo editing.

when I first started gif making I found colouring and photoshop in general suuuper daunting, so I've tried to simplify everything here as much as possible. hopefully this will be relatively easy to follow and not too intimidating!

a couple of things to begin with:

I'm only talking about colouring here - this is not a full gif making tutorial. I've linked to some of my favourites of those here!

I personally like to make bright, 'clean' looking gifs with vibrant but natural colours, so that is the style of colouring this tutorial is geared towards. most of gif colouring is subjective and about personal taste - the only thing that I'd say is possible to get wrong is skin tones, which I talk about a lot in this guide.

as I mostly gif Thai dramas, most of the advice is geared towards colouring for East Asian/South East Asian skin tones - but the techniques should be fairly universally applicable (and here are some tutorials that talk about gif colouring for other skin tones).

I'm not an expert! I'm not claiming this is the best or the only way to colour gifs - it's just how I do it.

this post is very image-heavy. if the images aren't loading (or the gifs are running slowly or cutting/looping weirdly), then try viewing the post in its own tab (rather than on the your dash or someone's blog) and refreshing the page.

okay, full walkthrough beneath the cut!

contents:

1. intro a. natural gif colouring goals b. very very basic colour theory 2. super simple colouring (the essentials) a. curves b. selective colour (and skin tone correction) c. hue/saturation d. saving and reusing colouring e. another simple colouring example 3. other adjustment layers a. brightness/contrast b. levels c. vibrance d. colour balance e. channel mixer 4. troubleshooting a. curves b. saturation 5. fin!

1. intro

the colouring part of gif making can be super overwhelming, especially if (like me when I first started!) you're completely new to photoshop and/or have no experience with colour theory or photo/video editing.

if you're opening photoshop and making gifs for the first time, I highly recommend getting used to making a few basic, uncoloured gifs to begin with. just to practice, rather than post anywhere (though you can always come back and colour them later if you want) - but it'll make the rest of the process much easier if you're already beginning to get used to working in timeline mode of photoshop. give yourself a bit of time to practice and get a feel for things like how many frames you tend to like in a gif, where you like to crop them for the best loop, what kind of aspect ratio you like etc* - so that you're not trying to navigate all of that for the first time on top of everything else!

* frames: for me between 60-90 frames is ideal, but 40-120 frames is the absolute min-max I'd personally use in a normal gifset loops: for the smoothest loops, try to avoid cutting someone off mid-movement or mid-word if possible. aspect ratio: for full-size (540px) gifs, I tend to go for either 8:5 (slightly 'skinnier' gifs), 7:5, or 5:4 (particularly big, thick gifs lmao)

✨ natural gif colouring goals

part of what can be so daunting about starting gif making is not knowing where to start or what you want to achieve. this is definitely something that gets easier with practice - the more gifs you make, the more you'll get a feel for what kind of look you like and the more instinctively you'll know how to get there. it also helps to see if any gif makers you like have made "before and after colouring" posts - these can help with getting a sense of the kinds of changes made through gif colouring. here's one I made!

in general, I like to make my gifs bright and 'clean' looking, with vibrant but natural colours. these are the things I'm usually hoping to achieve with colouring:

brighten dark scenes

remove muddy, yellowish lighting or filters

saturate colours

correct any skin lightening filters or overexposure

make lighting and colours as consistent as possible between gifs within a single gifset, especially gifsets featuring gifs from multiple scenes/episodes/videos

this guide is focusing on natural colouring, but of course there are many cool ways to make stylised/unnaturally coloured gifs. imo you'll need to master these basics first, but if you want to learn how to do things like change the background colour of gifs or use gradients or other cool effects, then @usergif's resource directory has loads of super helpful tutorials!

✨ very very basic colour theory

[disclaimer! I don't know shit about fuck. I do not study light or art. this is just an explanation that makes sense to me exclusively for the purposes of gif making.]

the primary colours for light/digital screens are red, blue, and green. having all three colours in equal measures neutralises them (represented by the white section in the middle of the diagram).

so to neutralise a colour within a gif, you need to add more of the colour(s) that are lacking.

in practice this usually means: the scene you want to gif is very yellow! yellow is made of red and green light, so to neutralise it you need to add more blue into your gif.

it can also mean the reverse: if you desaturate the yellow tones in a gif, it will look much more blue.

looking at the colour balance sliders on photoshop can make it easier to visualise:

so making a gif more red also means making it less cyan.

removing green from a gif means adding magenta.

taking yellow out of a gif will make it more blue.

tl;dr:

neutralise yellows by adding blue (and vice versa)

neutralise reds by adding cyan (and vice versa)

neutralise green by adding magenta (and vice versa)

2. super simple colouring (the essentials)

starting with a nice sharpened gif in photoshop in timeline mode. (these are the sharpening settings I use!)

some scenes are much harder to colour than others - it helps to start out practising with scenes that are bright/well-lit and that don't have harsh unnaturally coloured lights/filters on. scenes with a lot of brown/orange also tend to be harder.

I usually save a base copy of my gif before I start colouring just in case I end up hating it, or find out later that it doesn't quite fit right into a set and need to redo it etc.

so here is my base gif!

it's an okay gif, but it has a bit of a yellow tint to it that I want to reduce.

colouring is easiest to do in adjustment layers, which can be found under layer -> new adjustment layer - or for me they are here:

there are lots of different types of adjustment layers that do lots of different things - but for me the absolute essentials for colouring are curves, selective colour, and hue/saturation.

I also use brightness/contrast, levels, exposure, vibrance, colour balance, and channel mixer sometimes, depending on the gif - but I use curves, selective colour, and hue/saturation on every single gif.

✨ curves layer

the first thing I always do is a curves layer. when you first open one it will look like this:

first I usually click the ‘auto’ button, just to see what happens. sometimes it makes a big difference (it usually brightens the gif a lot) - but on this gif it didn’t do much.

if it had made the gif look nicer then I would have kept it and added a second curves layer on top to do the rest of these steps.

the next step is selecting the white and black points with the little eyedropper tools.

the bottom eyedropper lets you pick a white point for the gif. click somewhere super light on the gif to see what happens - for this gif, I clicked on the lampshade on the left. if it looks weird, I just undo it and try somewhere else - it usually takes a few goes to find something that looks good.

here's what that did to the gif:

then I pick the top eyedropper and use it to pick a black point by clicking somewhere really dark, again playing around until I find a black point that looks good.

here's what the gif looks like after picking the white and black points:

this can take some experimenting, but you can make super easy drastic changes to your gif just with this. in this case, the curves layer took out a lot of that yellowy tint.

and this is what the curves graph looks like now:

you can click and drag those lines to make further changes if you want - I usually leave them alone though. the colours of the lines indicate which colours have been changed in the gif - for example, you can see from that steep blue line on the graph that blue has been added to neutralise those yellows.

next I usually do another curves layer and just press the ‘auto’ button again to see what happens. usually it brightens the gif a bit more, which I like.

‼️if nothing is working: usually with a bit of fucking about a curves layer works well - but sometimes you can’t find a good white and black point anywhere, and instead your gif turns wacky colours and nothing looks good. this happens more often with very heavily colour tinted scenes :( the troubleshooting section at the end goes over some options, including starting with a levels layer instead.

✨ selective colour (and skin tone correction)

skin tones are made up of a mixture of yellow and red.

removing yellow (or adding blue or red) to a gif will make the skin-tones too red - and removing red (or adding cyan or yellow) to a gif will make the skin-tones too yellow.

adding blue to this gif with the curves layer took out the yellowy tint, which I wanted - but it also took the yellows out of Kim's skin tone, which I don’t want. so I need to put yellow back into the skin tones specifically - without putting it back into the rest of the gif.

selective colour layers let you select an individual colour and adjust the levels of other colours within that colour. you can change how yellow the green shades are, or how much cyan is in the blues, for example.

I need to add yellow back into the red tones to correct the skin tones on this gif. this is the case for most gifs in my experience - the vast majority of the time, unless a scene is very heavily tinted in another colour, a curves layer will add blue/remove yellow.

in the 'colors' dropdown, select the 'reds' section and drag the 'yellow' slider higher - this will add more yellow into just the red shades within the gif.

the amount of yellow you need to add back into the reds depends on how much yellow was taken out of the gif initially - I just play around with the slider until it looks right. if you're not sure, it helps to have some neutrally-coloured (not white-washed!) reference photos of the people in your gif to compare to.

here's the result. Kim's skin is a lot less pink toned and much more natural looking:

✨ hue/saturation

this adjustment layer lets you adjust the hue and saturation of the gif as a whole, and also of each colour individually.

I don't use the hue or lightness sliders unless I'm trying to do something more complicated with the colouring.

clicking the dropdown menu that says 'master' lets you edit the saturation of each colour individually. this is useful if your gif is still super tinted in one colour.

I thought the yellows on this gif were still slightly too bright, so I switched to the yellow channel and desaturated them slightly. (remember if you do this then you need to go back to selective colour and add more yellow into the red skin tones to balance out the desaturation!)

then I increased the 'master' saturation of all the colours to +5:

I usually find the right amount of saturation is somewhere between +5 and +12, but it depends on the gif.

‼️if the gif feels undersaturated, but the saturation slider isn't helping/is making the colours worse, try a vibrance layer instead.

done!

✨ saving and reusing colouring

you can copy and paste adjustment layers between gifs to make your colouring even across each of your gifs for one scene - so if you're making a set of multiple gifs of the same scene, or you think you might want to gif the same scene again in the future, you can save it as a psd so you can reuse the colouring again later.

each gif's colouring will then still need tweaking - different cameras/angles/shots of the same scene can still start out with slightly different colouring.

I recommend uploading the gifs as a draft post on tumblr so you can see what they all look like next to each other and catch any inconsistencies.

✨ another one! (speedrun!)

HI KEN!

the white point for the curves layer was in the window behind them.

the curves layer removes the muddy yellow tint, but again it makes their skin tones (especially Ken's) very red toned, which is adjusted by the selective colour layer.

3. other adjustment layers

imo many many gifs can be coloured really nicely with just those three adjustment layers, but some need different adjustments.

✨ brightness/contrast

pretty self explanatory!

I personally usually avoid using the 'brightness' slider because I rarely like the effect - I only tend to use the 'contrast' one.

the 'auto' button is sometimes useful though, especially if you’re struggling with the curves layer.

✨ levels

levels alters the white and black points of the gif, like curves - but unlike curves it doesn't also alter other colours.

use the sliders beneath the graph to alter how dark/light the gif is. you can slide the black slider further to the right to make the blacks darker, and the white slider to the left to make the whites lighter.

levels is a good place to start if your curves layer isn't working.

(I'm going to hit the image limit for this post lol so here are some screenshots of a table I made to demonstrate this rather than actual gifs. sorry!)

on both sides, I dragged the sliders up to where the big jumps are on the graph - this is usually a good place to start!

✨ vibrance

vibrance... makes the colours more vibrant. it's more subtle than saturation.

it's really helpful for gifs that feel grey. sometimes adjusting saturation just makes the greys kind of weirdly tinted, but a vibrance layer can fix that.

vibrance is much more subtle!

✨ colour balance

colour balance affects the overall balance of colours within a gif.

it's good for scenes with heavy tints.

I tend to stick to the 'midtones' dropdown, but you can also alter the colour balance within the shadows and highlights if you want.

✨ channel mixer

I avoided channel mixer for such a long time because it scared me. but it's great for scenes that are very heavily tinted in one colour.

basically, it works with the levels of red, green, and blue within a gif. you select an output colour and then play around with the levels of the colour you selected within each other colour.

kind of the reverse of selective colour?

so in the 'blue' channel, the levels of blue are at 100%, and the levels of red and green are at 0% - but you can impact how much blue is in the reds and greens and blues.

this tutorial explains it well - but imo the best way to get to grips with channel mixer is just to play around with it a bit (sorry)

(when I made this guide for my friend, I also made a slightly more complicated gif colouring walk-through that included using channel mixer. there isn't space to include it within this post, but if anyone is interested I could always upload it as an 'intermediate' gif colouring tutorial - lmk!)

4. troubleshooting

‼️curves

usually with a bit of fucking about a curves layer works well - but sometimes you can’t find a good white and black point anywhere, and instead your gif turns wacky colours and nothing looks good. this happens more often with very heavily colour tinted scenes :(

for example, with this base gif:

using many of the brightest points as a white point turn it wacky colours, like this:

yikes :(

some options for these cases:

try brightening the gif first with the 'auto' button on the curves layer or with a levels layer. having a brighter gif to start with can give you better options for picking a white point.

try finding an alternate, whiter/brighter white point. look for places the light reflects - on this gif, using the light on Porsche's cheekbone works well as the white point. it also helps to find places that would be white if the scene wasn't tinted - the lightest part of a white shirt is often a good place to start, for example.

skip the curves layer, and instead use a levels layer to alter your white/black points, and colour balance or channel mixer to balance the colours.

‼️over/undersaturation

if your gif (especially the skintones) is looking a little washed out or lifeless, it might be undersaturated. boost that saturation - or if that's not working, try a vibrance layer.

oversaturation is often easiest to spot in the mouths and ears of any people in a gif. if the mouths are looking unnaturally, vibrantly red, then you've gone too far with the saturation.

5. fin!

and done! I hope this was coherent helpful to somebody.

if there's anything that I've missed or that doesn't make sense pls feel free to shoot me an ask or a message and I'll do my best to help! I've also collated a bunch of additional reading/resources below.

happy gifmaking 🥰

✨ some links!

photoshop basics by @selenapastel

gifmaking for beginners by @hayaosmiyazaki

gifmaking guide for beginners by @saw-x

dreamy's gif tutorial by @scoupsy-remade (includes instructions on how to blur out burned-on subtitles or annoying video graphics)

beginner's guide to channel mixer by @aubrey-plaza

how to fix orange-washed characters by aubrey-plaza

colour correcting and fixing dark scenes by @kylos

does resampling matter? by usergif

how to put multiple gifs on one canvas by @fictionalheroine

watermarking using actions by @wonwooridul

resource directory by @usergif

#i got a couple of asks about this so i figured i'd type it up as a post #it's been sitting in my drafts for a while now though i'm so sorry omg.#i had to replace my laptop and it took me a while to get round to downloading photoshop on the new one #but i hope this is helpful!!#gif making #tutorial #photoshop tutorial #colouring tutorial #coloring tutorial #gif colouring #gif coloring #photoshop resources #gif tutorial #gif resources #userbunn #uservik #darcey.txt #darcey.gif #usergif

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readychilledwine · 3 months

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Auralism

✨️Kink Education with Elizabeth✨️

Does this tiktok do something to you?

If you listen to his voice and suddenly feel true sexual arousal, you may have a form of Auralism. Auralism is the sexual arousal to sound. It could be voices, music, an ASMR trigger, etc. The most common in females is arousal from voices, and that's what I will be working with today. So, whoever your dream man saying "Hello Feyre Darling," is, I need you to think about him as you are reading this.

Auralism is a way of practicing what sex experts call "mindful sensuality" or the practice of using certain skills to enhance emotional and mental erotica. This typically involves using more senses than just touch and vision. Auralism focuses on specifically the sound aspect and a bit of imagination.

💕Peep the Valentines Day List Here💕

As always, NSFW below the cut

Rhysand x Reader

Warnings - degradation, dirty talk, slight voyeurism, inferred poly!batboys

Being High Lady of the Night Court held several responsibilities, but your least favorite was, and would always be, the Court of Nightmares.

Rhys kissed you one more time as the doors to the throne room sat closed. “We'll finish what we started later, I promise. I will not leave you unsatisfied for long.”

Gods, that timber. The purr. You felt his voice setting heat through your body and did the best to push the feeling away.

Rhys held the wine glass to your lips, watching you drink it as his hand ran the length of your inner thigh. His gaze went back to Keir, his eyes almost narrowing. “The High lady looks beautiful tonight, nephew.”

You felt the predatory shift in Rhys, felt the mating bond grow tight. “My mate is always delicious, uncle. You'd be smart to remove your eyes from her.” His voice went straight to your cunt this time, a wave of heat landing there. Oh really? His high lord voice always turned you on, the command of it, the strict tone.

Keir nodded, walking away, just as your thighs pushed together. His lips brushed your ear, that deep voice hitting you again. “I see I may have left you too desperate, my star.” His hand trailed the valley of your breasts, settling on your lower stomach. “I do wonder if I can get you off just from speaking. Is that possible, darling? To have you come on my lap with such little effort?”

You whimpered again. Head falling into his shoulder. Each letter off his tongue was dipped in honey, sending wave after wave of arousal through you. You kept your thighs together now, knowing in this dress spreading them would put your glistening core on display.

As if he sensed your feelings, he pushed them apart slightly, a growl escaping him and his eyes growing dark as he looked. “Cauldron boil me, you will cum from this, won't you? Have you gotten too good at playing the role of my whore, y/n darling? Should I fuck on you on this throne and let everyone watch?”

“Rhys,” it was meant to be a warning to stop, but it came out as a soft moan.

“You'll be saying my name over and over later, begging me to keep going as I fuck you so hard our bed breaks. You always feel so good, wrapped tight around my cock.”

Your core clenched, the coil starting to slowly build. “-and look at you now,” he continued. “Wearing an expensive dress, dripping onto my thigh. When this damned party is over, I will bend you over this throne.”

You moaned his name again. That purr was doing something to you that you've never had happen. “I bet if I spread your legs further, Azriel would be able to see how wet you are from his spot at the back of the room. Cassian can probably smell and taste you.”

The general had a small smirk on his face as he kept his spot behind Rhysand and the throne. Azriel had his eyes locked in you two, a single brow kissing his hairline.

“I might let them stay and watch if you wanted. Let them watch me claim you over and over until you're soaking me. Once I'm done with you, maybe I'll let them play too."

“Rhys-” You were so close, snuggling further into his lap, thighs pressed back together and rubbing.

“Uh-uh,” his hand pushed them apart enough for his pleasure again. “Your High Lord wants to see how desperate his whore is. Gods, look at you. Look at you clenching at nothing, about to cum from my voice alone.”

His name left your throat in a quiet needing moan and Cassian looked down with a full smirk now. A voice cold as death came from the other side of him. A voice Rhys knew you found attractive. “Release my High Lady from her misery.”

“Cum for me,” Rhysand whispered into your ear, kissing the shell of it gently. “Cum for us.”

The coil snapped, your back arching against his chest as Cassian placed a hand over your mouth. “And now look at you, coming with no effort on my part, forcing our general to have to cover your mouth so I don't have to kill everyone here to getting to listen to the noises that are for me and me alone. Pathetic little thing, aren't you?"

Rhys switched to his High Lord voice again. “Cassian, take the High Lady somewhere to clean her up.”

Cassian nodded, picking you up from Rhysand's lap as your high ended. “Come, my lady, let me take care of you.”

General Taglist:

@hnyclover @glitterypirateduck @slytherinindisguise @mischiefmanager @bloodicka @starsinyourseyes @the-sweet-psycho @mariahoedt @rinalouu @sarawritestories @starryhiraeth @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium @loneliestluvr

Valentines Day Taglist:

@sfhsgrad-blog @amara-moonlight @eternallyelvish @novaksangel @teenageeggscissorslawyer @thisblogisaboutabook @amygdtjhddzvb

@justasillylittlegoofyguy @avajustreads

@littlestw01f @azriels-shadowsinger @acourtofladydeath

Rhys Taglist:

@tothestarsandwhateverend @cheshire-salvatore-mikaelson @avajustreads

#acotar #acotar x reader #rhysand acotar #rhys fic #rhys x reader #rhys x y/n #rhys x you #rhysand x reader #rhysand x y/n #rhysand x you #rhys smut #rhys acotar #rhysand smut #readychilledwine valentines day bingo

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slytherinslut0 · 9 days

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girl pleaseeee, can you do something about mattheo with a chubby!reader? she's very insecure with her body and he just starts worshipping her body, kissing every part of her and buried between her legs until shes crying from overstimulation 😭😭😭 I'm sorry, I'm a chubby girl and sometimes a have the feeling (stupid ofc) that he's not gonna like my body

btw, english is not my first language, so i apologize if this request looks confuse

i know you wanted this in form of a drabble or perhaps a proper fic, but i’m speaking directly to you, my dearest anon. this one is all for you.

because baby, hand to god from the deepest parts of my heart, i don't want you to ever think in a million fucking years that Mattheo goddamn Riddle wouldn't be all over you with no breaks.

i mean it, from deep within my soul, when i say that man would be unable and completely unwilling to keep his hands off you. there’d be no doubts about it. he’d be obsessed with the thickness of your thighs, sweet like the finest nectar, and he'd make it his life's mission to leave marks on every inch of your goddamn body just to make sure you knew who it belonged to. Mattheo Riddle would be so obsessed with your body, he'd want pictures of you naked to keep in his wallet, he'd want to hang you up on his wall like a goddamn masterpiece just to gawk at all hours of the day because no matter how long he stares, he just can't believe it's all for him.

i can tell you that without a doubt, that man would make it a fucking mandated law that you recite affirmations back to him every time you're feeling down about yourself, like "I'm the prettiest bitch around" and "I have the juiciest fucking thighs and hips and ass all for my bf to devour."

don’t ever doubt for a second that Mattheo Riddle wouldn't be utterly infatuated with you because he would. he’d worship every curve, every mark, every blimp and blemish. his hands would constantly be exploring, memorizing your body like a sacred text, his lips leaving trails of worship wherever they touched. his desire for you would be insatiable, his obsession undeniable. he’d revel in the fact that you were his, his to hold, his to love, his to cherish. his voice would be a constant murmur in your ear, telling you how perfect you are, how every part of you drives him wild. and he'd make damn sure you knew it every single day.

and when it came to pleasuring you, he'd be merciless. for every second you think badly about yourself, he’d make it his mission to make you orgasm, over and over, until you're begging him to stop. his hands, his mouth, his body—everything focused on you, driving you to the edge and pulling you back only to push you further.

"You don't get to think like that," he'd growl against your skin, his fingers working you with expert precision, turning your vision blurry for the 18th time that night. "Not when I'm here to remind you how fucking incredible you are."

he’d make you recite those affirmations, punctuating each one with a kiss, a bite, a thrust.

"Say it," he'd demand, his eyes dark with desire, pupils blown wide with love and admiration. "I'm the prettiest bitch around."

and you'd say it, breathless and trembling, because he wouldn't stop until you did. tears of pleasure streaming down your cheeks, the words he made you recite becoming your truth.

he’d revel in your pleasure, your gasps and moans his symphony, your body his canvas, marked and claimed and loved. Mattheo Riddle would be your worshiper and your conqueror, his devotion as fierce as his desire, making sure you never doubted your worth for a single second. he’d be your constant, your rock, the man who saw you for the goddess you were and worshipped you accordingly.

don’t ever doubt for a second that Mattheo Riddle wouldn't be utterly infatuated with you because he would be. completely, irrevocably. you are fucking beautiful. 🩵

#every body type is fucking beautiful #body posititivity #you are fucking beautiful no matter your size and mattheo riddle will love every goddamn inch of you #you are perfect and i want you to know that #mattheo riddle #mattheo riddle x y/n #mattheoxreader #mattheo riddle x you #mattheoriddle #mattheo #mattheo riddle smut #mattheo x y/n #mattheo smut #mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo x you #mattheo fluff #mattheoriddle x reader #harry potter

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motziedapul · 2 months

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If you don't mind my sharing my own, probably less spicy POC rep in audio drama take: the AD community's tendency toward celebration of "representation" within the medium as if this rep applies to anything substancially besides queer characters is exausting. Sure, queer rep is important but so often reading "there's rep for everything!" and the cast is like, 95% white? Or, bafflingly, people claiming diversity for something that is entirely fanon? Mmh.

Hi anon!

My take is just about as spicy, honestly.

There's a tendency to value "racially ambiguous" characters played entirely by White actors over actual BIPOC characters

(usually with BIPOC actors, though I'm not as strict about this since I don't mind White actors playing BIPOC characters so long as BIPOC voice actors can play White characters and no BIPOC actors lose voice acting opportunities. And as long as more attention is given to BIPOC creators than we're getting currently).

It sometimes feels as though BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People Of Colour) characters and creators are overlooked in favour of characters who are ostensibly White but drawn by fandom as BIPOC.

I've seen a lot of support in the community from fellow audio drama people; I've felt uplifted by my fellow creators who are White, and I always appreciate and value that. And obviously some shows are just well made and part of their success is based on other factors.

But as someone who's also aware of audio drama fandom, it's easy to see how much favour is given to White Characters drawn as BIPOC in comparison to characters who are BIPOC in text, and I'm not sure why.

That's my spicy opinion. I follow a few BIPOC creators but I can only name two that have an amount of success comparable to White audio drama creators (Gabriel Urbina of W359 fame and Octavia Bray of Atypical Artists), but my knowledge is limited.

And that's not even getting into female led audio drama, but I do love the success of creators such as Lauren Shippen in the space.

I'm not here to yuck anyone's yum or blame anyone for this phenomenon, but I do think it's worth thinking about. Why I see 50 brown Jonny Simses for every canonically brown Samama Khalid. Maybe it's all a coincidence based on other factors. Maybe White characters invite more imagination in their depiction or something.

I don't mind BIPOC depictions of ostensibly White or "racially ambiguous" characters, but I'm not a big fan of if they outnumber depictions of canon BIPOC characters. I just think the latter deserve more love.

I'm no expert. Also I'm mostly in the horror space, apart from my love of Life With Leoh (a sci fi romcom). My knowledge is very limited so if anyone would like to contradict me, I welcome it (especially if it means discovering more BIPOC led shows).

I don't want this to just be about complaining, so please feel free to shout out some fantastic BIPOC led audio drama (either created by or with a majority BIPOC cast) or even share some art you've done of characters from them and I'll happily share them.

My favorites are Wolf 359 (by Gabriel Urbina) and Life with Leoh (by Octavia Bray)!

#audio drama #bipoc #bipoc representation #fiction podcasts

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luveline · 2 years

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it's been two hours but I'm being so emotional about Roan like she's so so attached to the reader already she's so sweet 🥺 just imagine someone at the grocery store or a coffee shop seeing them and thinking of the reader as Roans mom and she's just like yeah 🥰 I've claimed this girl as my mother now

I kind of did you claiming her as your kid but also from how much she wants to sit in your lap she definitely claims u back | dad!eddie x fem!reader

As soon as Eddie leaves to get drinks, Roan slides off of her chair and onto the floor with a great whoosh of curls and tulle. Her skirt fans out around her and she looks at you in shock. You don't think she meant to fall quite like that.

"You slipped!" you say, trying to sound as happy as you can. "Poor girl, is your skirt more slippery than you thought?"

She smiles likes it's funny and you consider the situation salvaged. "I fell off the chair," she says.

"You did. Do you wanna come and sit with me instead? I'll keep you up here, no more slipping," you offer. You suspect that had been her intention anyhow.

She gets onto wobbly legs and walks around the low table separating you both. She reaches up and you slide your hands under her armpits to pull her as kindly as you can into your lap, her back to your chest, your arm around her soft tummy.

"How's that?" you ask quietly.

"Thank you," she says.

"You're welcome, sweetheart," you say, brushing back the curtain of hair hiding her face affectionately. You couldn't mean the pet name more; she has the sweetest heart ever.

"Are we having cake?" Roan asks, dipping her head back against your chest to look at you upside down.

"Mm, that depends. Have you been nice to your daddy this week?"

"Mostly nice."

"Mostly!" Your eyes crinkle with humour. "Yeah, I heard all about what happened yesterday."

Roan pouts and drops her head. "It was only by accident."

Roan had pushed a picture frame off of Eddie's night stand. Whether it was truly an accident has yet to be decided — Eddie had confided that he didn't think it was accidental at all, because Roan had cried for hours. Guilty tears, he'd theorised, reluctantly fond.

"I know, baby," you say, worried to provoke her into a tantrum. It doesn't really feel like your place to tell her off, either way. "And you said sorry, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"And daddy said it was okay?"

"Yeah, he did."

You wedge your hand against her side and tickle her. "Then it's okay. I bet daddy'll get you cake and ice cream no problem if you ask nicely."

She giggles into your arm and starts grabbing at you to stop you. You grin and try harder, fingers scratching lightly over her sides. Her laugh is piercingly brilliant. You look up, hoping Eddie will be on his way back from the counter with your drinks so he can witness her catching happiness and end up locking eyes with an older lady passing by.

"I think you've trapped her," the old woman says. She talks kindly and has a very grandmotherly air about her as she smiles.

"Me too. Gotta keep the little trouble-maker pinned," you say, smiling brightly.

"That's the truth! Or they'll run circles around you." She throws her hand out like she's batting away a fly. "You look like a good girl, though."

You dip your head toward Roan's ear. "What do you think, are you a good girl?" you murmur encouragingly.

Roan nods frantically. You and the old woman both laugh. "I think she is," you say.

"That's the way. You keep being good for you mom, okay?" the woman says, giving a little wave before continuing on to the bathroom.

Your heart does this weird skip. You could correct her, she doesn't exactly walk fast. You could open your mouth, say, "Oh, she's not mine."

You don't. You tighten your arm around Roan's middle and push your nose into her hair, kissing the top of her head. "You're always good for me," you say smugly.

"And always a menace for me," Eddie says.

He holds a plate in one hand and two cups of coffee in the other, an expert balancing act. You'd get up to help him if you could bare to move his lovely daughter, but you can't so you don't.

Eddie takes your sheepish smile like it's nothing and carefully places the plate and one mug in front of you. "Cake for my baby, coffee for my baby."

"Which ones for me?" you ask teasingly.

Roan reaches for the cake and almost slides right out of your lap. It really is a slippery skirt. You hold her to your chest and nab the plate for her, delighted to find it hosts a fresh looking slice of chocolate cake and a small scoop of ice cream, a silver spoon wedged deep in the cake's buttercream.

"Did you want cake?" he asks worriedly, stood in wait.

You hold the plate in your lap and settle, offering Roan the spoon. She grabs it and digs in with a gleeful hum.

"I'm good," you say. "Did you?"

Eddie strokes his hand from the centre of your forehead to your hairline and kisses the invisible line left behind. "Got all the sweetness I need right here," he says.

more eddie and roan

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strlingsav · 1 year

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Disclaimer: I am not an expert when it comes to PTSD, did my research on it though. Feel free to correct any issues you see with it.

Remedy

– Simon "Ghost" Riley x F!Reader

— You comfort Simon during a panic attack.

Warnings: Mentions of PTSD, panic attack, hyperventilating (overall may be triggering if you experience PTSD or related symptoms), violence. Explicit/triggering content under the cut. Read at your own risk.

You didn't hear Simon return, but you snapped to consciousness when a glass shattered. You sat up, rubbing your eyes as you pulled your hair out of your face.

You yanked the covers off, legs swinging out of bed. You saw the light of the kitchen from under your bedroom door. It was pouring rain, violently hitting your window. Lightning lit up the bedroom, thunder shaking the house.

Cautiously, you stepped toward the door. You were sure it wasn't an intruder, but you couldn't be absolutely certain, and that made your stomach sink. Simon hadn't said anything about coming home, and he usually woke you when he arrived.

You reached the handle, the door creaking open, and you looked out, seeing Simon, his back to you, seated at the table. He was still in his uniform.

You sighed with relief, opening it further and walking over to him. You stopped in your tracks when you saw glass on the ground, and an amber liquid sliding down the wall.

"Simon?" You asked, inching closer.

He didn't answer, even when you moved around to stand before him.

"Are you okay? When did you get back?" You squinted, your eyes still sensitive to the light.

He barely lifted his head, bags under his eyes. His eyes were bloodshot, and the glare he gave you was bone-chilling. He was breathing quickly, strangled breaths coming out as he tried to speak.

"Sorry, bout the glass. Didn't mean t' wake you."

"Don't be sorry," You breathed, kneeling before him. "Can I touch you?"

He nodded.

Your hands settled on his thighs, urging him to look at you.

"What's wrong, baby?"

He breathed in, his exhale shaky.

"The thunder," He said, his head falling back. "It-fuck." His knuckles were white, clenching his fist so hard you were sure he'd drawn blood.

"That's okay. Take some slow, deep breaths. You're here with me."

He nodded. "I'm tryin'," He said. "Just-"

He clenched his jaw.

His shirt was soaked with sweat.

You held onto his hand, thumb rubbing over his skin as you breathed in and out slowly.

Simon had had episodes before, PTSD attacks. You were still familiarizing yourself with his triggers- he hadn't let you near him during his attacks for the first few years of your relationship, the resentment of being so vulnerable made it harder to work through. You were certain that whatever he saw when he closed his eyes was worse than going without sleep for days.

He exhaled again, his fist still closed as he rested his hand on the table. He had a hundred-yard stare, eyes focused on the wall behind you. You saw the sweat gathering on his brow, soaking his hair. He was sheet-white and shaking.

"You should get back to bed," He said, turning his head.

Even through his suffering, he only cared about you. Your happiness, your safety, your health. It made you irrationally angry yet simultaneously smitten.

"I'm not going to bed without you," You spoke in a soft voice, trying to remain calm and quiet.

He grunted in response, his breathing still too fast for your liking.

Looking around, you spotted the glass that he had shattered.

"That was one of my favourite glasses," You teased. "You're buying me a new one."

"Never liked it anyways."

"Is there anything in this kitchen you do like?" You giggled softly.

He had a habit of starting things and not finishing them, mostly due to deployment but also in true male fashion. He'd promised to renovate the kitchen, claiming it was old and outdated. The house had been without cabinet doors for almost a year now.

"Particularly fond of the whisky," He looked at you.

"I figured," You grinned. "I'm happy you found the shelf I put together for you. You do have to share it with me, though."

"Woman after my own heart."

His breathing had slowed, and he looked a bit more alert now, his hand gripping yours. He was no longer fixated on the wall, and his eyes had softened.

You knew that your ribbing, however pointless, would help him take in his surroundings, bring him back to reality. His episodes thus far were usually fleeting, only a few minutes before he was coherent.

"Would you leave me if I only drank tequila?"

He screwed his nose up. "In a heartbeat. Can't have a woman that drinks that dog piss."

You let out a laugh, and he gave a small grin, which would've gone unnoticed if you weren't around him as much as you were.

He had seemingly calmed down, colour returning to his cheeks. His shaking had stopped, and he was leaning toward you, hand cupping your cheek, eyes drifting between yours.

A deep sigh came from his lips.

"Couldn't get rid of me if you tried, sweetheart."

"You can't sweet-talk your way out of buying me a new glass."

"Wouldn't dream of it," He said. Looking past you, he stared at the mess in the floor. "Should clean it up," He groaned.

"Leave it, I'll get it in the morning."

He didn't fight you in that, thankfully. Usually he would put up a fuss, but he seemed to be so exhausted he didn't have much room for arguing.

You stood to your feet.

"Let's go to bed."

"Better shower first, reckon I smell."

"A little, but I won't hold it against you."

"Come with me?" He asked.

You nodded, taking his hand as he stood to his feet.

You helped him strip out of his clothes, unbuttoning his shirt and sliding it off his body. Your eyes crawled over every scar and mark on his chest and torso. He was drenched in sweat, his whole body glistening. You felt the heat emanating off of him. He kept his eyes on you, admiring the way you looked him over.

He yanked the belt from his pants, stepping out of them.

You turned on the shower, warm water beginning to steam up the bathroom. You lifted your shirt over your head, taking your shorts off next. In the haze, he found your eyes, his hand on your waist, grounding him. He'd never experienced anything like what you gave him; unquestionable love, freedom, a life worth more than what the military offered. It made him feel valued, like he had a chance at being worthy of you.

He sighed with relief when the warm stream hit him, his shoulders relaxing when he felt you touch him. His arms reached out, fingers on your waist as he pulled you close. You let your head settle on his chest, listening to his breaths as you stood together, in the embrace of the water.

He tilted your jaw to look at him, and once your eyes connected, he craned his neck to press his lips against yours.

It was a simple peck, at first. A thank you, expressed in the best way he knew how. You stood on your toes, your hand sliding around his shoulders, and took his bottom lip between yours. Another kiss, more passionate than before, that said you were there, permanent.

He didn't let you go, engulfing your lips in his. You whimpered softly; you missed the way he felt against you, the way his lips fit perfectly with yours. His rough hands on your waist made your stomach flutter, your heart pounding in your throat as he caressed you.

His hands slid to your ass, grabbing at it softly- testing the waters. Exhausted or not, he missed your body, your voice, and he was more than willing to sacrifice sleep for it.

When a soft moan slipped from your throat, he took the opportunity to dig his fingers into your flesh. You shivered with anticipation, sliding your tongue into his mouth.

He grunted, his calloused palms riding up to your hips, ushering you against the wall. He dropped to one knee, hoisting your leg over his shoulder.

"Simon, you don't have t-"

He looked up at you, "I need to taste you, sweetheart. Been far too long."

You nodded, "Okay."

He pressed his lips to your hip bones, and you nearly melted- his soft tongue gliding over your skin. Nothing warmed you inside and out like his mouth. Your palms pressed flat against the shower wall, the cool tile keeping you mostly grounded, reminding you to breathe, to stand still.

He kissed your inner thigh softly, reaching your pussy before his tongue dove between it, hitting your clit. Your hips jerked forward, letting out a soft gasp. He had your thighs in a vice-grip, unable to bend or break in his hands.

He paid attention to your body, lightening his touch even though he wanted to devour you- to fill your head with nothing but pleasure, not a single thought about anything else.

Your shaky hand reached out, fingers diving into his hair, grasping ever so slightly. He groaned against your core, the vibration sending a tingle through your spine.

He looked up, his lips engulfing your clit and sucking gently. He savoured the sight of you, head tilted back, chest rising and falling with your deep breaths, body glistening under the water.

"Missed the taste of this pussy," He mumbled, mouth still pressed against you. He watched your cheeks flush, your pleasure flourishing under his praise. "So fuckin' good."

You panted, your hips mindlessly grinding against his tongue as he flicked it over your clit. He listened to the sounds of his efforts; your sweet voice, calling his name- it spurred his desire tenfold.

His finger grazed your entrance, teasing you with the idea for a moment, before ending your misery and sliding his thick finger inside of you. The silky flesh of your pussy welcomed his finger with the slippery juices inside you.

He felt the familiar fluttering, the shaking in your voice, your pussy squeezing around his finger, and continued his ministrations.

"Go on, cum, sweetheart. Miss that beautiful face."

You sighed deeply, your abdomen burning as your climax built quickly. You felt yourself getting weaker, your body focusing all its energy into your orgasm.

Letting out a strangled moan, your body tensed when you came, his tongue and finger extending the longevity of your climax. You writhed against his face, jerking when he ran over your clit.

He stood to his feet, towering over you again. He lifted your leg, urging you to lift the other while he lifted you to his waist.

"This alright?" He asked.

"More than alright," You breathed.

Your hair was disheveled, the wet strands sticking to your skin. You were still flushed, your body still weak from your orgasm. It had been a long time since you'd had one, and the first release was like taking a sip of water in a drought.

He pressed the tip of his cock to your entrance, your head falling to watch as he slid inside you, jaw dropping as you watched his cock disappear. You groaned, listening to him suck in a deep breath.

"I missed you, Simon," You said, lips attaching to his neck. "So much."

He thrusted a couple times, slow and calculated movements to get himself coated in your juices, before he sped up his pace. Your lips were stopped in the process, clinging to his jaw as he drove his cock into you, actively hitting your clit with his pelvis. You shivered, overstimulated but wanting more, desperately.

"Missed you even more, love," He breathed, nose against your jaw.

Your fingers hooked under his arms, grasping at his shoulders as he rounded his hips, plunging inside you, just barely skimming your cervix. It nearly knocked the air from your lungs, and your fingers grasped at his back, desperate to be closer to him.

Your fingers reached for your clit, circling the bundle of nerves as he massaged your insides. He was nearly gasping, watching you writhe and shake on his cock as you rubbed your clit.

You threw your head against the wall, eyes squeezing shut, your hand reached out flat for balance as he readjusted, lifting you up higher. The new angle drew a gasp from your lips, his cock buried against your G-spot, fingers still working your clit.

"My beautiful girl," He cooed, hands squeezing the backs of your thighs.

You leaned forward, your hands clinging to his jaw. Your lips were inches from his, relishing in the moment of intimacy, the pleasure that coursed from your core to every other part of your body.

You didn't have a moment to respond when your clit began to tingle, sparks of pleasure erupting before a symphony of ecstasy. It engulfed your entire body, toes curling mid-air, your thighs clenching, pussy contracting around his cock.

"Bloody fuckin' hell," He grunted.

"Simon- don't stop," You whimpered.

He thrusted harder now, resigned to watching you gasp and moan on his cock. He was no longer paying attention to his impending climax, but your expression of pleasure- parted lips wet with the shower water, eyebrows drawn together, cheeks flushed- drove him over the edge.

He rolled his hips a few more times, releasing inside you. His hips jerked, soft grunts coming from his open mouth. His eyes were locked on your pussy, swallowing every last drop of his cum.

"Christ," He breathed, his head falling to the crook of your neck.

Your hand landed on the back of his neck, grasping at his hair.

You stood like that for a few moments, letting the shower water wash over you, enjoying the post-orgasm bliss together.

He finally set your legs down, making sure you weren't too sore or cramped from the position to stand, he held your waist.

You finally caught your breath, looking up at him with wet eyelashes.

"Want me to wash your back?" You asked, sending him a small smile.

He nodded. "Don't get carried away, you're a bit of a pervert."

"That't not true- I'm just making sure you're clean," You raised your brows.

"Perverted, is what I call it."

"You're the same way when you wash my tits," You shot back.

"'M a soldier, trained for perfection, sweetheart."

You rolled your eyes.

"Those things have to pass inspection, or it ain't done right," He teased.

"Whose inspection, Simon?"

"Mine-"

"Yours, yeah. I'd say that's a conflict of interest."

"I'd say it's regulation. Didn't complain when I was inspectin' your cunt."

He voice was low, no inflection of sarcasm to be found, but you knew better. You knew Simon well. You smacked his arm playfully, a laugh coming from the back of your throat.

"You're disgusting. Turn around," You groaned, hiding your bashful smile.

"Watch those hands, soldier."

#cod mw2 #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost smut #simon riley smut #cod mwii #mwii #I have an unending catalogue of ideas for this man #strlingsavwrites

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violetasteracademic · 1 month

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My Two Cents on the People Magazine Article (and Elriel coming home!)

I'm sure this has already been dissected to death and I am potentially late to the game here (I only just saw the article this morning!) but I would like to share some thoughts and insight!

While by no means am I saying this to claim I am *the* expert of all experts, I would like to share that my background and previous career was in entertainment. My twenties were spent in Los Angeles, and (some of you other current or previous LA/New Yorker's may identify with this) you really learn how the sausage gets made and exactly how much money, planning, and prep goes into what we are meant to perceive as "natural." I don't mean to take the shine off of it! Just sharing my experiences. I can't share everything because some of my friends were under NDA's at the time of their employment, so I'll just give a brief overview.

Example: Late Night talk shows and many other major "live" productions that have "live" interviews are, well, not actually live. They typically film in the early afternoon even if they are set designed to look like its nighttime. And while it is in front of a "live" audience, the audience is instructed on when to clap, when to laugh, ect. This is because the interview has already been planned out, and questions approved ahead of time. This is why, even though it seems totally fresh, there are things the "host" received ahead of time. For example, all of the baby pictures and sweet photos of Sarah and Josh and then all of the staged "walking and talking photos" for the MASSIVE Today Show interview and article. And yes, this is the article where we got this absolute banger:

That "felt" like a live interview followed up with a giant article to accompany it, but was actually a full on pre-planned production. Seriously massive for Sarah. And if there's time, you can even do multiple takes and use the best shot for the "live" show. I've seen people comment on thinking Sarah seemed "not excited" in that interview and she was worried HoFaS would bomb, but I'm telling you guys, I don't think she has ever that much pressure or "lights, camera, action" on her before compared to her usual casual "chat" style interviews. Babes was nervous, and she crushed it.

Now to breakdown the new People Magazine article:

This article is being presented as "Everything You Need to Know" aka "we are your trusted resource on all things Sarah J. Mass."

People Magazine, while serving as your "trusted resource" for the world of ACOTAR, would not say the protagonists of ACOTAR are the sisters for zero reason whatsoever. What's interesting is both Lucien and Azriel get small nods, but very little otherwise and zero mention of the ship. Just Elain, baybee dolls. This further cements that this designed to portray the Archeron sisters as the leads of the series.

Now, taking a look at the author of this article to see if she specializes in anything, she really doesn't. Miss ma'am writes about everything under the sun!

She also did the Ultimate Guide to Emily Henry's books. (Major Emily Henry Stan over here. Who is dying for Funny Story to come out?!)

This is a Northwestern University journalism grad who has been with People for a few years. She certainly understands what it is that needs to come from these articles, and that is interest, clicks, money, and trust.

There is simply no reason for major networks like Today and People to invest in these thorough and in depth articles and interviews, on screen and on page, with Sarah and continue to hint towards Elain or questioning the mating bond if it will serve no purpose in improving their reputation or generating interest in the plot of the books. That is simply not how this works, and is antithetical to keeping the gears of these machines well oiled and functioning as intended.

If you read this whole thing, wow! You are an MVP. With nothing but respect to you all, I'm not sure how long I will keep this post up or how much I am willing to talk about my time in LA. I unfortunately had some experiences I am still recovering from and already feel a bit anxious putting this much information about myself out there. But for those who catch it, I hope you enjoy and can feel comforted that this is all a part of the plan. There's a reason you see repeats of themes and conversations in all her articles. It's because they are pre-planned and executed with the goal of reputation and selling books in mind.

*** Thanks to Sara Anne (@SaraAnneReads on Tiktok) who shared her insight from working on the marketing team for a magazine in 2019 that adverts have to share if an article is paid for in someway, no matter how small. Thus I have removed my statement on *this* article potentially being part of their paid marketing budget, as there is no indicator of that on the article itself which is required by law.

However, this could be what is called "Earned Media" where a marketing/publicity rep for SJM and/or Bloomsbury *could* have reached out to people magazine and basically said hey, if you want to write about this, we have an announcement coming up soon so it could be relevant and worth talking about. To which the rep for People would say to the rep for SJM, hey, thank you so much for the heads up. There is no exchange of goods or currency and no promise verbally or in writing to do the article so the ethics stay above board, but all parties benefit from earned media. Sarah's team has now earned additional buzz for the upcoming story, and a news outlet has articles out on a trending topic. However, earned media does not have to be disclosed and therefore we have NO way of knowing if this occurred here or not!

She also shared with me People's statement of integrity where People state's their high standard for ethical practices and journalistic credibility and accountability. (I mean we know they are the kings and queens of "a reliable source close to the individual," but still)

She also caught with her eagle eye that Bloomsbury explicitly states the detailed marketing plan once books are announced, including details like year-long social media campaign, arc readers, ECT. So with Sarah already posting about the next ACOTAR, we can safely assert that is part of the existing laid out marketing plan, and assume additional articles surrounding ACOTAR are all to further generate buzz.

Analysis: Elain's book announcement is coming SOON and marketing is already underway!

#elriel #elain x azriel #pro elriel #elriel endgame #elriel supremacy #azriel x elain

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official-megumin · 6 months

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there is always this discourse about if transfem and transmascs have it worse

And like, I know it's not really quantifiable and measureable to find the objective suckiness of being trans.

But like

Man it's gotta suck to be a trans guy. This is coming from the perspective of a trans girl btw.

I know that not all transmascs care about passing and having a "fully male body", like everyone decides for themselves what they wanna do. But let's see this from the perspective from a trans guy who wants to be as close to a cis perisex man as possible, this guy is also perisex afab, meaning normal development and stuff.

Ok, so for this man to "finish" his transition, he would need like, what? 3 surgeries. All of which are gatekept. He would need top surgery, tit chop as you say.

This is already a lot, and it sucks fucking dick that y'all have to wait for that. But other than that already sucky and gatekept surgery, we also have phalloplastry, which many countries including Denmark, doesn't offer at all because it's more complicated than vaginoplastry.

This is also a hugely impactful surgery, and I assume that for many trans men, it also doesn't really feel good enough because no semen and dick pump. Of course I'm no expert, so don't take what I say as gospel, I might flat out be wrong about many things.

But that still isn't it. By now we have moved past surgeries the average transfem would "need"

Like yes, many trans women end up getting BA and FFS to combat dysphoria on top of bottom surgery, but they aren't "required" in the same way. So let's round it out and say one half of both of those surgeries count, so that means that transfems on average get two gender affirming surgeries. Which means that now, transfem and transmasc surgery counts are the same.

But wait, there's more!

There are also hysterectomies to remove the uterus and ovaries. Which again is very extremely gatekept because "devine femininity"(bleugh)

That's three surgeries to transition "normally" for a transmasc versus the two of a transfem, already there it's more sucky.

Of course this is not taking other typically gendered features into account like hip and shoulder width, which is too variable to really take into account here. Also it is not as widely different between the sexes as some people claim.

But this is just the surgery front.

I can't even begin to imagine how dysphoria inducing dealing with menstruation must be to a trans man.

Like periods suck dick, I know that from personal exprience. It hurts like shit for like a week at a time and there's blood everywhere.

But for trans men you add fucking dysphoria on top of that???? Hellish, the female reproductive system is so invasive and intrusive. For transfems we can just y'know, not touch the thingy and we won't have to worry about a visceral bloody reminder every month that stays even after hrt starts.

Really what I want to say is that yea sure maybe transfems struggle more with sexism and such whilst transitioning, I'd argue even that is not quantifiable and will be hugely variable on how the individual looks(speaking from experience as a trans girl who has not once had transphobia aimed at her in person in public from strangers)

But the physical struggle of transitioning? I think that trans masculine transitions take the cake by far here. Like objectively too.

And all the transmascs out there at all, doesn't matter how dysphoric you are, or how far you wanna take your transition. I respect you so god damn much, and I'm in awe of all of you. You're genuinely incredible

#I'm really sorry if I phrased anything poorly or if I triggered dysphoria in anyone #I just wanted to give a different look on this stupid discourse because I think trying to decide who has it worse is pointless #and I just wanted to elavate transmasc people in general

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pixelplayground · 8 months

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PXL'S Anatomy of Screenshots

So you want to take better screenshots? There are multiple factors to consider, and if you don't enjoy tweaking reshade settings for every image, my ultimate method may not be for you. That being said, there are tips and resources in this guide that are applicable to everyone and you can select to explore those that are useful to your specific situation.

Disclaimer: I am not claiming to be an expert, nor am I offering to provide troubleshooting on an individual basis. This is a general guide and if you are unfamiliar with any of the concepts, please use the mighty power of the internet to find tutorials. I promise everything that I have learned over the years has been published and documented a thousand times better than I ever could.

There are five factors to address:

Your computer's inherent capabilities

The game's limitations

The mods you're using

Reshade

Post Processing

Graphics Card Settings & Drivers:

Become familiar with your graphic options. If you don't have a dedicated graphics card (i.e. a desktop or gaming laptop, these features may be unavailable and you should skip.)

I have an AMD Radeon Pro card which is designed for workstation level systems. It's overkill for sims, but useful for 3D rendering and modelling work. I have changed the following settings for DirectX 9 applications:

anti-aliasing - enhance application settings

anisotropic filtering - enabled

anisotropic filtering level - 16x

texture filtering quality - high

surface format optimization - high

Consider overclocking your graphics card to unlock it's full potential. DO NOT pursue this venture unless you are ok with the risk of burning out your card prematurely. I use at present, overclocked Bootcamp Drivers from BootcampDrivers.com obviously, if you're not playing on an intel based mac through Bootcamp, this is irrelevant to you.

None of these settings are useful until you address the default games limitations, which leads nicely into the next factor.

Addressing The Sims 4's Graphic Limitations:

Everyone should be familiar at this point with lighting mods, 4k, textures, disabling ssao, etc. but, I'm still going to spell it out. None of this is new information and has been covered many a time by various players ad nauseum.

remove ugly blue toned lighting in the world by choosing a lighting mod from @softerhaze here

overhaul your graphics.cfg file (i use a custom blend with features specific to me), however @simp4sims has done a ridiculous amount of work in providing a simple to install file that can be found here - read through their tutorials!! they have provided an excellent oversight of exactly what this does and why it matters

improve the indoor lighting for your sims - previously i used @luumia's no blu, no glo - recently i switched to @northernsiberiawinds better in game lighting mod here, though i have tweaked some of the settings to suit my own personal preferences

i don't use the HQ mod, i don't find that it makes enough difference for the amount of effort it requires to convert CAS CC

It should go without saying, but tweaking your graphics config file is absolutely useless if you can't play TS4 at it's maximum in game graphic settings!

The Mods You're Using:

Now that you've put in all this work into getting the game ready to make use of quality mods where do you start? Well, the CC you install matters. Whatever your preference, whether it be maxis-match, alpha or somewhere in between, priority should be given to using items textured in 2k or 4k resolutions, and specific attention should be paid to using wall and flooring textures with bump maps, and or high quality resolutions (this is important later for reshade if you intend to learn about ray tracing).

I will separately post a guide to creators with crispy textures because that is it's own novel.

Reshade:

Phew. Still with me?

There are many many many reshade presets out there, most are alike, but none employ ray tracing, and that is because a) it needs to be manually adjusted for every screenshot, b) they are paid shaders, and c) this requires advanced knowledge of reshade and a decent enough graphics set up that won't overheat - games running native ray tracing recommend a minimum VRAM of 8GB (please note RAM and VRAM are not the same) - i therefore do not recommend pursuing this option if your system does not meet those minimum requirements.

Start here to understand what ray tracing for reshade is. In my opinion, the shaders are well worth the price of $5 for the amount of work that has gone into creating them by the talented Pascal Gilcher. That link is a comprehensive starting point into expanding your knowledge of reshade and it's capabilities.

I have always created my own reshade presets from scratch, and while the core colorization settings I utilize remain largely the same, using ray tracing and re-light means every screenshot needs to be manually adjusted (lights repositioned, bounce and AO factors adjusted, etc) before being captured. @pictureamoebae just published a very timely post discussing the re-light shader and you can read it here.

Post Processing

Reshade does 99.99% of the work that traditionally would be accomplished in a photo editing software like photoshop. Occasionally, I need to adjust exposure manually, add depth of field manually, or color correct. Beyond that I use it to scale images to fit the resolution and file size limits of various platforms. Conceptually this reduces the amount of uncontrolled loss encountered when platforms like tumblr auto compress files that are too large. In reality, tumblr still makes images crappy compared to how they appear in my file folder.

optimize your images for various social media platforms using this guide

fix exposure or colorization issues using a software like photoshop

I hope that this gives you a starting point into expanding your methodologies. My process is continuously evolving and I find this aspect of the game most entertaining. For others who don't enjoy this process, it's probably not worth it!

Thanks for reading ❤ PXL

#ts4 #sims 4 #ts4 tutorial #sims tutorial #ts4 reshade #pixelplayground tutorial

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markantonys · 3 months

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AITA for joining a "cult" that thinks my sister and mom are Darkfriends?

First, some backstory. I (30m) have always been an outsider in my family. It wasn't anything to do with my parents - dad (dead) always spent all his time with me instead of my younger siblings, and (step)mom (43f) always gave me extra attention compared to her bio kids because she didn't want me to feel neglected - or with my brother (21m), who's always looked up to me. It was all because of my sister (19f). She's hated and bullied me ever since she was a toddler, and I have no idea why. I guess maybe she doesn't think I'm her real brother, or blames me for telling on her whenever she did irresponsible things like climb trees and talk to strangers. All I've ever done is try to keep her safe, but she's never appreciated it.

Anyway, there's this organization (my sister claims it's a cult, though I don't think that's fair) that's dedicated to serving the Light. My mom always hated them and kept them banned from our country because she thinks they have an agenda against women who can channel, and she's one herself, as is my sister. I used to believe her, but after reading one book written by the organization's founder, I realized that my mom has a totally biased view of them and they're actually doing really important work founded on admirable principles. So when my sister went missing at the hands of women who can channel, I decided I'd had enough of those women lying to everyone all the time and I joined this organization.

I did have my view of them shaken when I found out my mom had been kidnapped, abused, and murdered by one of their leaders (turns out she's actually still alive though, don't worry about that), but I challenged that leader to an honorable duel and killed him to avenge my mom, and my friends and I rooted out a handful of other corrupt members of the organization, so now with that small minority gone, the rest of us can continue doing the Light's work and spreading awareness of the evils of the One Power.

To be clear, I OBVIOUSLY don't think my sister and mom are Darkfriends; it's only everyone else who uses the One Power who is. I've explained this to my sister multiple times but it only makes her angrier instead of grateful that I'm making an exception for her and choosing to believe the best of her. It feels like I can never do anything right in her eyes, but maybe I've somehow got the wrong understanding of the situation. So, AITA?

******

u/dainbornhald: NTA. Your sister's problem isn't actually that you joined this organization (which totally does sound 100% Light-serving). She doesn't think you're her real brother and is just looking for any excuse to continue the bullying, manipulation, and gaslighting she's been using on you since she was a toddler. [+5k votes] u/childbyar: Came here to say this. Sister sounds like a textbook abuser, and, honestly, almost definitely a Darkfriend. I'd go no contact with her, OP, and maybe get a restraining order if you have to - she's obviously unhinged. [+1.2k votes]

u/amyrlinseat: You joined a cult that thinks your sister is a Darkfriend based on an innate characteristic about her that she didn't choose and can't change (unlike you, who DID choose to join this cult), and you're whining that she's mad at you for it??? YTA [-749 votes]

u/luckyfox: YTA for the cult thing, but this whole family's got serious mommy AND daddy issues (take it from an expert). Sister resents you for getting all your parents' attention growing up, and you have a victim complex about being a stepchild/half-brother. I can only wonder what might be going on with the middle brother who wasn't mentioned much here. You guys need to go to therapy. [+2 votes] u/galaddamodred [OP]: My brother always seemed very well-adjusted, but a few hours after I made this post he actually died going on a suicide charge in battle because he thought he was unimportant enough to risk and no one would care much if he died in the attempt. Which sucks because now the only sibling I've got left is my sister who hates me. [+273 votes] u/luckyfox: oh my god [+312 votes]

#every time i read galad's narration of elayne being sO MeAN to him in AMOL #i'm reminded of an r/aita post where the person is skirting around crucial information to make themselves sound like not the asshole jkfg #wot #wot book spoilers #the wheel of time

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d33pd3sire-blog · 7 days

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The Air That I Breathe Part 2

The long awaited part 2! Lemme know if you want a part 3 :)

This is an Emily Prentiss x F!Reader. Angsty, with a happy ending.

Warnings: Injurys, reader goes nonverbal, hospital environment, mention of blood, IV, breathing tube, bruises. Let me know if I've missed anything out.

Id just like to mention that I don't have autism or anything related but I do tend to stop talking when I'm stressed or experience things that can be traumatic, and this is how I feel when that happens so I do not claim to be an expert in this area

Character count: 8865, bit of a long one haha

Any suggestions are always welcome! Please enjoy :)

*--*--*--*--*--*

Soft beeping is ringing in your ears as your mind starts to clear, although you have no idea where you are. Numbness starting to wear off, causing you to groan in pain. Why does everything hurt? You think. Once the event flashes through your mind you remember. All of it. Your eyes shot open, the room spinning and your mind running at a million miles a second. Where am I? Where's Reid? What happened to the others? You try to get up from the bed you're laying on but something heavy is holding you down. Your eyes and ears start to finally adjust to the world around you and you notice Hotch's arms holding you down. He's repeating 'Calm down. You're okay. You need to stop moving.' You're still a little confused, 'I.. I need to help them!' you croaked. Hotch grabs your face, 'Look at me. They're alive.' Those words repeat in your head, keeping you grounded. Theyre alive. 'They're hurt but they're alive. If you hadn't of called us when you did it could've been a lot worst.' You barely let him finish before spitting out 'I need to see them.' Hotch shakes his head at you. 'Not right now, you need to rest.' You roll your eyes at him, how can he say that? 'I can't rest.' You spit at him. He ignores the attitude, he knows its not directed at him specifically. 'I promise as soon as you're able I will take you to see them.' Your expression softens, you know there's no point in arguing with him. Your body relaxes, Hotch releasing his grip.

*--*--*--*--*--*

Your eyes blink open, great. I fell asleep. You think. You look around, squinting at the harsh light to see that no one is here. This is actually perfect. You hatch a plan in your head, the hope of seeing the others at the forefront of your mind. You take a breath, gripping the handles at the side of your bed and lift yourself up. The pain causing you to groan, but you push through. The heart rate monitor attached to your chest is ripped off, causing the machine to flatline. You roll your eyes before switching it off. 'Thats enough of that' you scoff. Once your legs are ready to step down, you grab your IV pole to keep you up. That's the hardest part over with, you thought. As you start to walk, your legs feel stiff and crackly, making you hiss in pain. I can do this. You check the coast is clear from your room's window, before slipping out. Now, to go left or right? You look towards each direction, trying to decide which one calls you the most. Choosing left, you stumble to the next door from your room. As you take a peak in the window, your eyes gaze upon a sleeping Spencer with a slight smile on his face. Maybe he's dreaming. Your eyes drift to Garcia sitting in the chair next to him, seeming to play a game on her laptop. The sight makes you smile internally, he's okay.

A few seconds go by and you know he is going to be okay, so you move along to find the other two. Your feet is sore but you tell yourself to keep going. Luckily, the next room wasn't too far from Reid's. You approach the next room, finding Morgan reading this weeks American Health and Fitness Magazine. Some relief fills your heart when your eyes settle on him. He looks up, smiling, and waving you in. You use this opportunity to enter his room. 'Hey mama. You look like you've been hit by a bomb.' You attempt to laugh. 'Are you.. okay?' He smiles, 'Of course I am, i'm always okay.' You put your arm on your hip and give him a look. 'I'm serious, those cuts on your face don't seem fine.' 'I promise you, if something was seriously wrong id tell you. Just some smoke inhalation, Emily had the worst of it.' His face drops, realising what he said. 'Shit.' He could tell by your face that your heart had sank. 'Look-' 'Where is she?' You interrupted. 'I don't think that's a good I-' He tries to calm you down. 'I don't care what you think, where the hell is she??' He notices that you aren't backing down, and nods his head to the right. 'Just past your room, but I wouldn't mama.' You ignore him and walk out of his room.

The adrenaline pumping through your veins, the pain from earlier is at the furthest part of your mind. Not needing the IV pole to keep you up anymore, you rip the needle out and leave it hanging there. You couldn't care about anything except Emily right now. Your mind is racing, expecting the worst. You finally reach her room and you hesitate with your hand on the handle of the door. Morgan in your head telling you not to. 'I told you to rest.' you jump, turning to face the voice. Hotch is looking at you with worry. He takes your arm and wipes the blood you didn't notice from the ex needle site. 'You're not ready to be up and walking.' Your eyes start to water before practically begging, 'Hotch, I need to see her.' He looks at you, using his annoying profiler eyes. 'Please.' He sighs, before saying 'Fine. But before you do I need to tell you that she's doing okay, she's improving. Just remember that before you see her.' His words give you chills. How bad is she? you think. You take a deep breath before turning the handle and limping in.

The sight you walked in on was nothing like you had expected. Purple bruises swirled on one side of her face, you can tell which side the blast met her on. Your eyes trailed to the tube in her throat, helping her to breath. You take a sharp breath in, realising you had been holding your breath the whole time. 'Oh em..' You hobble to her side, hesitating slightly before taking her hand in yours. The touch between you and her forces the tears you've been holding to fall. Before you know it you're sobbing, your legs finally giving out. Hotch pulls you into him, trying to calm you down. He lifts you from the floor and carries you back to your room. He tries to comfort you, but there's only so much he can do.

A few hours later and the crying subsides, you're exhausted. The image of Emily imprinted in the back of your eyes. Every time you close your eyes, you're back in that room staring at Emily and the tube in her mouth. She can't breath on her own. How did we not predict this happening? How did I not predict this happening? The amount of time I spent reading through the file, profiling every inch of the unsub and yet we still got hurt. While your mind is racing, you didn't even realise JJ had entered the room. She asked you how you were but when you thought about replying there was no energy to say anything. The idea of even talking was too overwhelming right now so you just nodded. Anything else she said went in one ear and out the other. You weren't ignoring her per say, you just could not stop thinking about Emily. You're such an idiot, what if she dies and you never told her you loved her? Will you ever get the chance? You eventually fall asleep, not caring how long for. You just needed to rest and not be awake for a while.

*--*--*--*--*--*

Your eyes blink open, surprisingly you didn't dream. It felt like nothing, but a good nothing. Garcia is sitting on the chair opposite you, playing, you're assuming, the same game on her laptop from Reids room. Once you try to move, your whole body feels like it hasn't moved in hours. You groan. Garcia shoots up from her chair 'Oh my god! You're awake! How do you feel? Are you okay? Ill get the doctor.' You grab her hand before she leaves, holding it. Needing her to ground you, even if it only helps a little. She looks back, watching. your face for any changes. 'Hey, I have some good news.' You look at her, furrowing your brows. 'Emily is breathing on her own now. She doesn't need the tube anymore.' She smiles at you with this grin, like everything in the world is okay. There's a slight relief, she's doing better. But she still isn't awake. You grip the bar next to you, determined to get up. Garcia getting worried. 'Oh baby, don't get up you've been asleep for 18 hours. You need to pace yourself.' 18 hours?? You look at her in disbelief, although you feel well rested, you still haven't got the energy to say anything. 'Your body needed the rest, you still need more. What you went through was traumatic and horrific, please don't push yourself even more than you have.' You muster up all the energy you can find to force out 'I.. I need to.. See her.' you croaked. Garcia is shocked at how determined you are. 'Fine, ill help you. I don't like it! But there's no stopping you is there?' You shake your head, giving her the best smile you can muster. 'Stay here. Ill get you a wheelchair.'

The anxiety in your stomach starts to bubble as Penelope pushes you closer and closer to Emilys room. What if she doesn't wake up? What if she does wake up but her brain is all damaged? What if?- The door opens and you're pushed to the side of Emilys bed. Your eyes start to tear up again when you see her. What is it about this woman that always seems to push me over the edge? You take her hand in yours and rest your head on an empty bit of her bed. Tears are falling slowly, but you're just glad to be here with her. Please come back - you think. There's so much I haven't told you and so much we haven't done yet. 'Ill leave you alone for a while' Pen says, getting a feeling this isn't just a friendly exchange. You sit there for what feels like hours, silently begging Emily to come back. Before you knew it, you had fallen asleep again, the scent of her always calmed you down.

*--*--*--*--*--*

You felt hands playing with your hair, you humming at the touch. You open your eyes slightly, forgetting where you were for a split second until it all became clear again. You sat up with such haste, it made Emily jump slightly. 'Did you know you kind of snore when you sleep?' She smiled at you. The disbelief and excitement of Emily being awake and making sense has you shooting up to hug her. As you wrap your arms around her your eyes tear up again. She's awake! You notice Emily wrapping her arms around your waist, sending a shock up your spine. Once you both eventually release, she realises you're crying. 'Hey.. hey, love what's wrong?' You look at her with such love and relief it finally gives you the courage to confess your deepest secret with her. 'I thought you were gonna die. I thought I wouldn't be able to tell you the things I've always wanted to tell you.' She looks at you with attentiveness. 'I love you Emily. I always have and I always will. Every time I look at you I think I fall a little more in love if that's even possible? The only thing keeping me from falling apart completely has been you. Even if you were unconscious.' Emily starts to tear up, hearing you confess your feelings. Before anyone could say anything else, Emily grabs your face and pulls you closer to her, pressing her lips to yours. Your shoulders release the tension you didn't know you were harbouring this whole time and relaxes. Your whole body feels like fireworks are going off, you could stay like this forever. Emily pulls away and lifts your chin to look into her eyes. 'You're the best thing that has, and ever will, happen to me. I love you.'

#agent prentiss #bau #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #emily prentiss #emily prentiss criminal minds #emily prentiss fanfiction #emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss x you #lesbian

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mysecretlittlelibrary · 10 months

Text

You Learn Something New Everyday... I Guess

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: none really, just Matt being a little self loathing

Genre: fluff? very very minor angst

Summary: You have a theory about your local vigilante that your friends think is silly (spoiler alert; it's literally not)

A/N: Because I refuse to believe no one has ever seen Daredevil and considered the fact that he is NEVER LOOKIN AT SHIT

***

You spin the straw in your drink while half listening to Foggy and Karen talk to each other about something you lost track of a little while ago. Something about a case last you were paying attention but they tend to spend so much time talking about work even on nights out you can't always keep track of it all.

"So what're your thoughts about the whole thing?" Karen asks as you stare into your glass.

"Y/n!" Foggy nudges you and your eyes snap up.

"Yes! Sorry. What was the question?" You ask.

"Daredevil, what're your thoughts on him?" Foggy nods towards the TV in the bar that's apparently playing a news story about Daredevil's latest escapades.

"He doesn't see." You shrug looking back at your drink.

"Doesn't see what?" Foggy frowns.

"Sorry, that's not quite what I meant to say; I meant he doesn't use his eyes to fight." You say looking up again.

"Wait what?" Karen shakes her head.

"I dunno, the eyes in his mask look opaque but also if you've ever watched him fight he doesn't really... look at things. The whole time his head does this twitchy thing like when dogs hear a sound but can't see it, as if he's trying to hear everything better." You explain.

"Are you- suggesting that Daredevil... is blind?" Karen asks.

"Well it's hard to know for sure if he's completely blind or not but I'd bet that he's probably at least visually impaired."

"You think a vigilante is visually impaired." Foggy scoffs.

"I know it sounds absurd but I mean before the fancy suit and the moniker he was the man in black, he wore like a black cloth that covered his eyes he's obviously not using them." You shrug.

"Maybe he could see through it." He says.

"No- for it to be sheer enough for him to see through it, especially at night it would also probably be sheer enough to see him through, at least in the light, and he's got like an airtight lock on his secret identity. Even before he had the suit." You shake your head. "Maybe that's why." You add with a hum.

"Maybe what's why?"

"If he's visually impaired as I suspect he is, nobody would believe he's Daredevil! I mean he takes on gangs singlehandedly in the shadows of Hell's Kitchen all the time there's no way you'd expect a blind man to be doing all that. It would make the perfect cover story, plus if he gets injured I mean- he's blind nobody would question him saying he bumped into something or fell or even someone threw something and he didn't know. It's kind of genius."

"Look who decided to join us!" Karen smiles excitedly and you turn to see Matt standing between you and Foggy.

"About time loser! Why are all of you so obsessed with work?" You scoff.

"Hi guys." He chuckles.

"Hey man, you'll never guess what theory y/n here has cooked up." Foggy says.

"Hey! Don't talk about me like I'm some tin foil hat looney alright." You point a finger at him.

"Even you admitted how absurd it sounded!" Foggy says.

"Sure but I provided ample evidence to support my claim it's not some baseless conclusion I'm jumping to!" You say.

"It's circumstantial at best." Foggy says.

"Well this isn't a court of law Nelson we're at Josie's and I don't have to be an expert witness to draw conclusions here I think I've more than proved my stance."

"Not beyond a shadow of a doubt!"

"Excuse me we aren't running a criminal trial there's no reason I should have to work to those standards I think- what's the other thing y'all use? A preponderance of the evidence, I think that's more than sufficient-"

"Is one of you going to tell me what this is about or are you going to keep throwing around legal jargon in a bar?" Matt cuts your arguing with Foggy short with a question while Karen gets up to grab him a seat at your table. "Honestly y/n you spend too much time with us, when did you pick up all those phrases anyway?" Matt muses.

"I dunno Foggy likes to throw them at me and I like to be able to fight back." You shrug.

"Y/n thinks Daredevil is blind." Karen tells Matt, returning to her own chair.

"You think Daredevil... like the vigilante is blind?" Matt chuckles.

"See what I mean?" Foggy gestures.

"I don't know that I'd go with totally blind but I think he's visually impaired at least." You nod.

"How do you figure that?" Matt asks.

"Something about his helmet." Foggy says.

"Well that one I can't verify but before he had the devil suit, when he was just the man in black he was basically fighting with a blindfold on. Why would someone with perfect vision handicap themselves that way? Especially taking on criminals severely outnumbered every time it doesn't make sense. Oh and he does this head twitch thing like he's seeing with his ears and not his eyes. Like an animal when locating a sound they turn their ears to it first. It's the perfect cover honestly." You shrug. "Kinda like that kid in Queens."

"What kid?" Foggy asks.

"Another masked hero type, red and blue suit, they call him Spiderman over there." You pull out your phone to find one of the several viral videos of Spiderman you've seen. "To clarify, I don't think he's also blind or anything like Daredevil but I'm pretty sure he's a teenager." You say once the video ends.

"You think that's a child?!" Foggy looks at you incredulously.

"I mean I've seen a few of these clips of him, and between his build and his voice, because he talks in some of these, and his movements- there's almost no way that's an adult, but he can stop a bus with his bare hands so no one is looking at him and assuming a high schooler is doing that. I just happen to know a little too much about anatomy and physiology and he looks like a teenager. Again, another perfect cover, the least likely person."

"So- you watched that guy, do that, and your first thought was 'he can't buy alcohol yet'. Seriously?" Foggy asks.

"Well no actually I didn't think much of it at first but after a few clips, I started to wonder. I mean it's just a guess since his suit covers him from head to toe but I'm pretty confident in it." You shrug.

"You're insane. For this and the Daredevil thing." Karen nods.

"Excuse me for daring to consider all options." You say dramatically and Matt chuckles beside you but doesn't offer much on the subject. From there your conversation pivots topics and you all spend another hour or two talking and drinking before eventually calling it a night and going your separate ways home.

~*~*~

"Y/n." The voice startles you as you walk into your apartment and you let out a scream, clutching your chest as you take in the intruder by your balcony.

"Okay. I know you're a vigilante so you work outside of the law kind of by default here but you better have a damn good reason for breaking into my apartment, as in someone better be on their way to kill me right now or I am going to be so pissed off." You say after a moment because why the hell is Daredevil standing in your apartment?!

"No one is coming to kill you." He shakes his head.

"Then what the hell are you doing here?" You cross your arms.

"I wanna know how you figured it out."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You figured out that I'm- I don't see when I fight. How did you know that?"

"Better question, how did you know that I knew that? Although, I didn't know for sure until you just said that, but how did you know I thought that?" You ask. Daredevil pulls off his helmet and you gasp. "Matt?"

"Don't act coy okay, we both know you knew it was me already." He rolls his eyes.

"No I didn't! If I knew it was you, or thought it was you, I would've said so the other night when we were talking about the whole thing. You know I've never been one to shy away from sharing what I'm thinking- oh my GOD you're daredevil!?" You shake your head as the information sinks in. You don't know which piece of this you're more interested in, the fact that you were right about Daredevil being blind or the fact that he's coincidentally also part of your friend group.

"Oh come on, you spent twenty minutes arguing that you think Daredevil is visually impaired are you telling me it didn't cross your mind for even a moment that it was me?"

"Okay first of all Matthew, you're not the only blind guy this side of the Hudson you know. Going from Daredevil may be visually impaired to Daredevil is the only blind man I know personally is quite a jump considering it was just a theory. Not to mention fair skinned man average height, average build, describes so many men in Hell's Kitchen not to mention the rest of New York. Hell, Tony Stark fits that description and if he wasn't already such an obnoxiously public superhero on the other side of the city I'd believe someone suspecting him of being Daredevil too."

"So you never once thought it was me?" Matt scoffs.

"I mean it crossed my mind once or twice but it's not like I could know for sure. That helmet covers like 80% of your face and you work almost exclusively at night it's not exactly cut and dry to ID you. I mean you've already had a copycat come around once." You explain.

"Why didn't you ask?"

"What?"

"At the bar, the other night, if you thought it was me why didn't you ask me?" He asks.

"Well if I asked and you told me the truth anyone at the bar could've heard and, I know Daredevil has quite a few enemies. If you lied to protect your identity because we were in public well, we both know I expect honesty from you so why risk that rift? And then of course there's the possibility that I was wrong in which case all of you would look at me like I'd grown three heads- not that the whole 'Daredevil is blind' theory didn't already have them looking at me funny but that's besides the point. There was no good outcome for me asking in public. Plus there wasn't even a reason for me to ask you really, I didn't know enough to say you, Matt, and any distinct similarities with you, Daredevil besides the way you react to sound." You shrug.

"What?"

"It was watching you- as Matthew- react to sound that made me piece together the Daredevil thing." You say.

"And you still didn't think it was me?"

"Again you aren't the only blind man around here, I figured reacting to sound that way was just a common trait for people who have to rely on senses other than sight."

"You got everything all figured out don't ya." He shakes his head.

"Well come on I am kind of known for it." You smile and Matt chuckles in spite of himself.

"You're taking this better than I expected. You're not mad."

"That you're a vigilante in your free time? Of course I'm not mad. I've always encouraged you and Foggy and Karen to have lives outside of your job and while your choice is a little... unorthodox, I think everyone should have a hobby. If this is yours I'm all for it. Although it does feel kind of work adjacent since you're like a lawyer but I'll let it go." You muse.

"Foggy and Karen had... very different reactions to the news."

"Wait- Karen and Foggy know?"

"Yeah- yeah they know. But, I had to tell them because of extenuating circumstances. You, you just guessed it."

"I mean technically it was more of an inference than a guess, plus I didn't even guess that it was you just that the red devil didn't need his eyes for a fight." You shrug. "I can't believe they knew and had me feeling crazy at the table." You chuckle.

"It wasn't their secret to tell. I had to be the one to let you know, they were just keeping their promises-"

"I know. I'm not even mad about it. It's just funny." You shrug.

"You are being very chill about all of this." Matt says.

"So are you like- not fully blind? Because I was operating with the idea that Daredevil didn't have 20/20 vision or anything but like I definitely wasn't thinking total blindness which- I thought you had. So is that not the case? Like are you not fully blind?"

"I am. Kind of. It's hard to explain." He grimaces.

"Well have a seat and we'll discuss i- actually, is your suit clean or did you just get done vigilanteing because I do not want blood or mud on my couch so you'll have to clean up, I can go find one of your accidentally left here hoodies if you need to change." You offer.

"Tonight's battles were pretty clean I think I'm good." He says with his hands up.

"To be on the safe side sit at one of the kitchen stools."

"Yes ma'am." He nods and walks over to a chair to have a seat.

"So- are you totally blind? Yes or no?"

"Technically yes."

"Technically?"

"The entire world looks like it's engulfed in flames. I can see silhouettes sometimes but they're are angry reds and oranges. They do not paint a picture at all really." He explains.

"Interesting." You hum.

"But, I've learned to see in other ways. Sound is a big one. I can even hear people's hearts beating."

"You can hear hearts beating?!" You blink at him.

"Yes." He nods once.

"Can you hear mine?!"

"Yes." Another nod.

"Woah. What do you use that skill for?"

"Number of enemies in a fight, counting the people in a room before I enter it, seeing if someone's lying to me." Matt lists off.

"Have you ever used it on me?"

"You don't lie to me." He shrugs.

"So that's a yes."

"It's a no. Not intentionally anyway. You've never given me a reason to even suspect you of lying." He says.

"So how else do you see?"

"Smell kind of, touch when I can. Sound is the main one though."

"You're like a bat." You giggle.

"Ha ha." His laugh is dripping with sarcasm that only makes you want to giggle more.

"Wait so- if you can do all this shit I take it you don't really need your cane then, do you?"

"Not- not really no."

"It's part of the cover then- isn't it?"

"Correct." He says.

"Hm, I assume this is also why you don't date, right?"

"Excuse me?"

"It's just that I imagine this Daredevil thing takes quite a bit of time, between that and the job that you never take a break from you basically have negative 2 hours of free time both of which you spend with either me or your coworkers. Plus I'm sure this would be one hell of a secret to try and keep from a significant other because it's not like you can tell them on the first date right? You never know who's working with your opps so you need to vet people so having to hide it until you know it's safe, which would probably totally suck." You rattle off your explanation.

"Okay first of all I date." He scoffs.

"You don't. You hook up with people sure but you do not date. I was honestly starting to think you were some level of aromantic and I guess you still could be and that's totally fine by the way but not having time because you're a part-time vigilante makes sense." You shrug.

"I'm not aromantic and me 'not dating' isn't because of the Daredevil thing."

"Of course it's not." You say.

"You're being sarcastic aren't you?"

"A little, but hey you don't have to explain your lack of romantic life to me. I was just being nosy."

"What about you? You don't date either." Matt crosses his arms.

"I do date actually and the reason you don't know that is because you never ask but if you don't wanna talk about your not dating that's fine." You say.

"I have my reasons."

"I'm sure you do Matty, you're entitled to them. No need to defend yourself to me."

"It's not related to being Daredevil." He says.

"Do you want to tell me about it or no? If so, great let's talk about it, if not I've had a long day and I'm a little tired babes. You can go back out the window I assume you came through or you can use the door-"

"You." He cuts off your last sentence with a single word.

"Excuse me?" You frown at him.

"You are the reason I don't date."

"What did I do?" You blink incredulously.

"Nothing. I have feelings for you so I don't date other people. I'm Daredevil so I don't tell you that I have feelings for you because it's dangerous, because it was a secret I couldn't tell you, because I don't get the girl."

"You don't get the girl? Do you think you're the antihero in a movie? It doesn't work that way Matt. If you liked me the proper course of action is to say something to me don't make it into some big dramatic story arc that's doomed from the start, everything with you is self sabotage mission. Do you really believe yourself that undeserving of good things, of things you want, of happiness?" This isn't the first time Matt has done something in direct conflict of his happiness so you're not surprised, but since the thing in question regards you, you can't help but feel exasperated.

"I-" Matt trails off with a frown that makes his entire face squeeze. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"Why tell me this now? If you 'don't get the girl' if you can't have a relationship because it's 'too dangerous' or whatever silly reason you have for hiding it in the first place. Why are you telling me now?"

"You asked and I'm tired of hiding it I guess."

"Tired of hiding it. You didn't have to hide it."

"I didn't- do you honestly think that if I told you like six months ago, that I'm Daredevil and that Hell's Kitchen's notorious vigilante has feelings for you, do you think you would've reacted well?"

"I like to think I would, yes, but who cares that's not what happened. You told me tonight so, now what?"

"Now what?" He blinks at you.

"You're Daredevil and you have feelings for me so what happens now? Do we- continue as we've been? Do we see where this goes? What do you want now?"

"See where this goes? You'd want that? With me? To see where it goes?" He asks, he looks so lost that you can't help but sigh.

"Yes that's why I asked. Is it so unbelievable that I could also have feelings for you?" You ask softly.

"Well you didn't exactly say that-"

"I'm saying now. So- ask me on a date, or go home."

"Ask you on a date?"

"That's what I said Matthew. For a fancy defense attorney who graduated from Columbia Law, you are lost in an extremely too easy to follow conversation."

"None of this has been easy to follow okay? I never thought I'd get the chance to-" Matt trails off and shakes his head remembering your instructions. "Would you like to go to dinner with me tomorrow night?"

"Yes I would. Eight o'clock. Don't be late." You say with a smile.

"Eight o'clock. I'll be here. See you tomorrow." Matt nods with an adorable grin on his face.

"Goodnight Matthew." You hum.

"Goodnight." He says putting his helmet back on and climbing out your window.

"He could've used the door." You mutter to yourself shaking your head. You still can't totally believe you were right about Daredevil being blind but more shocking is that it wasn't even the biggest reveal you got this evening. Life really does come at you fast.

***

#marvel #marvel fanfiction #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock #daredevil fanfiction #daredevil #matt murdock x black!reader #matt murdock fluff #daredevil fluff

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