#I'm so stressed with life and I think this series has helped me deal with the grief of losing my grandma in December

[ohraicodoll]

Thank you so much for Red. It’s crazy how much I relate to her. We don’t live in a post apocalyptic world but we all live in our own worlds and sometimes it can feel like us vs them which Red helps me to navigate. She has helped me to feel less ashamed about the way my brain has turned out.

She’s so cathartic and has shown me that even when someone is as rough and ready, or completely rejecting of anything good that comes their way because they ‘don’t deserve it’ or that they will wreck it that some people could them her regardless. If that makes sense.

I especially love the new Tommy x Red friend post that just made me feel so fucking validated again! The way that Red has unusual ways of showing her love/gratitude and the people in her life just try to understand it until they do with no questioning!? To be loved in a way that is so accommodating and significant blows my mind. I know you’re writing fiction but sometimes discovering that this very specific thing is addressed and taken care of by another human being in the world is insane and has given me a bit of hope for my future.

It’s so soothing and Cathartic to read your work . I spent some of my childhood in survival mode and it never truly leaves you. You’ve written it so realistically I am in amazement with every piece of the puzzle you post.

I wish I had an ounce of your talent so that I could explain my love and gratitude for you in a way that was comprehensible. I’m sorry, I just had to say something now though, I’ve been having a weird couple of days and your writing is one of my only forms of escapism.

I am so interested in what inspired you to create such a specifically complex female character like her. I consume a lot of media, have read and literally studied the new era of woman (still hard to give them a specific name) and no character has ever come close to Red. Your talent blows my mind.

Thank you Sam.

Oh goodness, did you make me cry ❤❤

I'm so glad you feel seen and feel a bit of representation and catharsis with her. That's just all I can hope is that you all love the characters I create and the stories as much as I do. You've all kept me motivated and inspired to write her (especially as fast as I have haha).

The idea about Red came because I kinda got tired of only finding pure smut or timid characters in the TLOU fic tag. I love both but Tess was not timid and was more the dominant in the relationship. And I fully get that Joel radiates "I'll take care of you" dom energy but at this point in the apocalypse I doubt there would be many people left that didn't have some aggression in them or that need taking care of. I love character analysis too much to do the same type of character.

I've always been drawn to rage characters. I wrote a whole book series when I was a teen centered around one. And I think I wanted to go back to that since my character in my Sandman series is the opposite. Dahlia is an exploration of trauma responses, especially around acts of anger because that's what I experience. But I started writing with action and violence and someone who is angry all the time and motivated by rage and I wanted to go back to it because writing a character that lacks the moral responses to killing is fascinating. So often we get characters that regret or are remorseful around killing and I don't think that's Joel.

So it was a combo of just writing someone who doesn't regret her violence, doesn't regret killing, and has been alone in the wild for a long time focused only on surviving that they never thought they'd get more. Someone who is accepted for their violence and rage. And that's Red. She is a bunch of fractured pieces held together with string with no coping skills and Joel and Ellie love her either way.

There's the her before the Outbreak, the her that was broken by her sister (who she sees in Ellie), there's the her that was with her group, the her after being alone for years and years, and then the her with Joel and Ellie. Joel never shies away from her and may actually be drawn to her more because of it since there's a piece of that in him. This story is about being seen and accepting your ugliness.

I think being able to jump all over her timeline and continuously build her has been so wonderful and fun. Requests and prompts have been great in building her (though I do change some to make sure they fit the world and who she is). I fully acknowledge she's not a reader but an OC but I cannot write a character who is a blank slate because your past and history dictate your personality and actions (and tbh, most Readers are actually OC's without names or descriptions. I'm old, the x Reader/You thing is new but also just a relabeling of OC's)

I don't know how other writers write, but these characters fully inhabit me when I focus on them. It's why it's hard to switch between stories and characters at time because I can only see through their eyes. I feel their natural body movements, their conversations flow in my head and usually I have to race to write them down somewhere for later. Red is very much a part of me and it's been a joy to explore her and bring her to you all.

So much love and thankfulness to you all ❤❤

#joel miller x feral reader #series: feral #Feral Reader #Raicodoll writes #literally cried getting this #I sometimes felt like my writing wasn't any good especially when I see so many other writers get such big reactions #writing was put on the back burner so long #but Sandman and TLOU somehow brought it back and it's been just so releasing to write again #and find my communities #so believe me when I say I deeply cannot thank you all enough #All your love and enthusiasm has carried me through some dark shit #I'm so stressed with life and I think this series has helped me deal with the grief of losing my grandma in December #You've all helped lift me up

[hwaslayer]

project: make you love me (jyh) | sixteen.

♣︎ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: yunho can’t stand how you’re so wrapped up in the notorious campus fuckboy, park seonghwa. he would gladly love you the way you deserve, despite being shy, awkward and the complete opposite of seonghwa. thus, when he finds himself spending more time with you over literature reviews and random study sessions, he decides to take on the challenge to win you over.

—pairing: jeong yunho x f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers/friends to lovers, college au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 3.6k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing/mature language, seonghwa, physical fighting, mingi calling his friend out on his stupidity, crying, sorry if i missed anything.. quickly edited this lol, yunho is just mad and overwhelmed with his feelings rn 😭

yunho: baby

yunho: wait at the science building later, please? i'll come get you so we can walk to my car together

you: okee ☺️

yunho: ☺️ see you later? enjoy the rest of your classes

you: you too, my bighead!

Yunho smiles at his phone before tucking it away, slowly following Yeosang to their group study session.

"Should I even ask why you're smiling like that?" Yunho looks up at Yeosang and chuckles.

"Just Y/N."

"Of course. Is she in class?"

"Yup. She's in the back row being all distracted."

"Perfect way to pass time in my honest opinion." Yeo clears his throat. "I've been meaning to ask you out of curiosity."

"What's up?"

"Have you guys told each other 'I love you' and everything?" 

"Mm, no. Not yet at least."

"Not yet?" Yeosang smiles. "You feel that way for her, don't you?"

"I do. I just.. I don't know? I don't know if it's too soon. What if I scare her off?"

"Nah, doubt that. You can't put a timer on these things."

"True. Plus, it sounds cliché and like it's out of a movie, but I truly wanna wait 'till it feels right to say it to her."

"That makes sense."

"Trust me, I really do feel that way for her." He lets out a breath as they look towards the library building, the sun from behind slightly blinding them as they approach the doors. "She has literally become my bestfriend. It's crazy how life works."

"I know. I remember when you first told me you were helping her out for literature." Yeosang chuckles. "Or when you'd save her in the back lot."

"Still can't believe that was even real." Yunho does a tiny head tilt. "He's really something."

"What was up with Y/N's birthday thing? How did he even know?"

"I don't know. Word gets around fast. Why wouldn't Seonghwa know? Especially since it has to do with Y/N."

"Can't wait till the day he leaves you two alone. Must be fucking annoying to deal with."

"I try not to mind it. Though, I think he's been getting bolder lately and I can't put my finger on it."

"Has Y/N said anything?" He shakes his head.

"No. Maybe I'm just overthinking. She just seemed a little weird about him at her birthday party."

"Well, yeah. It's Seonghwa." Yeosang waves at their study group sitting at the far end of the library in the loud section.

"Yeah, but, I don't know. It was different. She seemed bothered about something but she hasn't told me anything. I assume it's not a big deal."

"Hm. Well, I'm sure it's not either. Just Seonghwa being himself, maybe."

"Mm, whatever though." Yunho greets the study group as they approach the table. "She's my girlfriend now, and that won't change." Yeosang gives him a small smile before they settle with the group and begin their long study session together.

"Remember, we have a test next class. Make sure you study everything I included in the study guide. Don't skip on anything just because you think it's a minor detail! Nothing is minor!" Your professor says before dismissing the class. You let out a sigh, already stressing over the next test. You didn't do bad on the first test, but you also didn't do the greatest. Thankfully, you're still at a good point in the semester, which gives you enough time to pull your grade up.

Once the initial rush of people leaving the classroom dies down, you pack up your things and head out the door. You hurry out of the classroom and down the steps, excited to see your boyfriend after yet another long day. For a split second, the building is crowded with other students leaving their classes and heading to their next destination— whether it be the next class, the library or to their cars. It's a sudden swarm of people that you don't even realize Seonghwa had stepped out of his own class, following you down the corridor.

"Y/N." You hear Seonghwa's voice behind you. You try to mind your own business, subtly rolling your eyes as you walk out of the science building to reunite with Yunho. 

Except, he isn't exactly there yet and Seonghwa grabs you by the wrist.

"Y/N." He repeats, turning you to face him.

"What are you doing?" You question him.

"Just a second." You let out a loud, heavy sigh. "Why are you being like this?"

"Like what?"

"Like you ignoring me. You haven't answered any of my texts or calls—"

"Why do I need to?" You raise a brow. "You're not actually serious, right? I have no reason to respond to you, Seonghwa. Don't you have places to be, people to see?" You pause. "Don't you realize you're a little too late? This was something I needed from you way before. I don't need it from you now."

"I know it's late, but I don't wanna give up on this."

"This? This has been done for a long time, you and I both know that. You're only worried about losing the only safety blanket you've ever had. Why can't you just move on and let me be happy?"

"Happy?" Seonghwa almost scoffs. "With him? Okay, baby." He shakes his head. "Listen. Enough of this for real. Can you please just hear me out, I'll explain and apologize properly—"

"Seonghwa, stop calling me that. What don't you understand about no?" You say almost at a whine, his hand still having a grip on the edge of your wrist. You truly don't want to entertain this, but Seonghwa almost gives you no way out, no way around his bullshit, and unfortunately, that'll be the root of everything that unfolds tonight. Yunho is happily [and eagerly] making his way down to you after the long, heavy study group session, while Yeosang decides he's gonna stay behind in order to hit the gym and get his workout in. Yunho is a few minutes late, but he knows you'll still flash him that beautiful, million-watt smile he adores so much before wrapping your arms around him.

He can't wait.

But, Yunho slows in his steps just as he's close to the front doors; familiar voices filling the surprisingly empty, quiet space.  It's you, and he already feels himself boiling with anger when he hears who else is occupying your time right now.

"Why haven't you even said anything about the flowers and the card I gave you? Did you even get them?" Yunho overhears Seonghwa ask you, and he furrows his brows. What flowers and card? You don't answer right away, and Seonghwa is quick to follow up. Yunho doesn't even get to hear your response about it and the most upsetting part of all this— is that this is how he finds out about everything.

Not from you, but from Seonghwa.

"You couldn't even send me a text? I was worried you didn't get it. I wanted to talk to you afterwards."

"What is there to talk about?"

"Yeah, what is there to talk about?" You and Seonghwa turn towards Yunho, who stands there with his hands dug deep into his pockets. His jaw is slightly clenched, head titled to the side while he waits for a response. Seonghwa lets out a pathetic chuckle, hand slipping down your wrist as he fully faces him.

"Loverboy sounds upset over a little talk."

"A little talk? Is that an add-on for the flowers and card you sent her?" Yunho sounds more stern, more angry. You can't even blame him, but at the same time, it's unusual for you to hear him this way. You're not sure what could come out of this and you don't necessarily want to find out.

"I'm sorry, should I have sent you some, too?" Seonghwa steps closer to him and the panic starts to settle in for you. You wish someone, anyone, was around to help. Because although you don't think Yunho will let this blow out of proportion, you aren't 100% about your answer. You're not sure how Yunho manages his anger in these situations and you're not sure what triggers him; what tips him over the edge and is the 'cherry on top.' Seonghwa has always rubbed him the wrong way and you don't think this could end remotely pretty. "I'll take note of that for next time so you don't have to sit there and stare at Y/N's."

How you wish Seonghwa had just gotten the point. Why couldn't he just let you be? Why was he out to ruin your happiness so badly?

"Seonghwa. This is done. Let it go." You warn him, but it doesn't clear anything. You aren't getting through to any of them.

"Back up. I'm not asking." Yunho clenches his jaw as he comes face to face with Seonghwa, making him give off a small scoff.

"Aw. Loverboy's mad—" And that's exactly the tipping point for Yunho. He's not sure why, he usually has a lot of patience. He usually brushes things off easily, doesn't hold a grudge or stay angry for long. But, Seonghwa? He was a different story, especially because of the history you have with him. Every little thing about Seonghwa pisses him off— down to the way he moves, breathes, acts like he can always get his way so easily, so quickly. Before he can even think about the consequences, or how you'd feel, Yunho swings at him, making Seonghwa stumble backwards. 

"Yunho!—" You gasp, Yunho's initial punch is pretty rough that it had Seonghwa in shock before being able to register what just happened.

"Fuck you—" Is all Seonghwa spits out before going at Yunho. The two continue to go at it, pushing and gripping at each other's shirts, rough attempts at landing punches;

They're almost successful with tearing each other's heads off until you step in between and get involved.

"Stop!" You step in between to try and prevent the fight from escalating even more. "Stop it!" You push Seonghwa back when he tries coming for Yunho, a campus security guard dashing towards all of you to completely break up the scuffle.

"Knock it off! The hell are you two doing acting like this on campus? I suggest you two part ways now before we call the cops over!"

"Yo, what the fuck?!" Mingi comes from around the corner, grabbing at Seonghwa's arm to pull him back. "The fuck are you doing, dude?" He looks at his bestfriend in disbelief.

"Why don't you ask your friend who fucking started it—"

"Me?" Yunho spits, while Seonghwa wipes the blood at the corner of his lip. "I wouldn't have had to if you just knew how to back the fuck off!" Yunho is angry, continuing to raise his voice. "Let me catch you sending shit to my girlfriend one more time and see what the fuck I'll do—" 

"Yunho." You say softly, tugging back at his arm.

"Are you serious?" Mingi looks at Seonghwa. "You don't go messing around with people's relationships, Hwa. You need to let this go, you look crazy!" 

"Oh, so all of a sudden you're sticking up for your friend?"

"Yeah, because he is my friend and it's just shit you don't do! What the fuck don't you understand about that?! You fucking deserved that shit!" Mingi shakes his head before pushing Hwa forward, pulling him off to the side to continue talking to him. 

"Babe." You turn to Yunho after Mingi and Seonghwa create good distance, hand coming up to cup Yunho's cheek. But, he turns, slightly shaking his head at you. You pull your hand back and feel your heart drop, the look in Yunho's eyes being one that you've never experienced before.

Sadness, hurt, anger. 

Mostly sadness, hurt.

"What flowers was he talking about, Y/N?" His chest is still rising at a somewhat uneven pace, doing his best to calm down after the adrenaline rush.

"H-he left them at my doorstep after we came back from the snow. I'm really sorry, Yunho, I didn't tell you because I tossed it out and—"

"But still, it's the fact that you didn't tell me after all this time." Yunho's brows are tightly knitted together, and the look causes your heart to sink even deeper. "Why did you have to let me find out this way? Were you going to tell me about this too if I hadn't come right away?"

"I just didn't get around to telling you because I didn't think it would matter— Seonghwa doesn't matter."

"If he didn't, then wouldn't you be able to tell me without questioning it so much?"

"Yunho, no. I'm sorry, no." You repeat, tears pricking your eye lids. "I didn't mean for it to seem like that. I really didn't mean to hide this from you."

"Did you think about keeping them?"

"I—I, no. I thought—" Yunho hears you stuttering and his throat suddenly feels dry. Why can't you just tell him? Even if Seonghwa didn't matter to you, why couldn't you trust him enough to tell him? 

Why couldn't you feel comfortable enough to tell him?

"Be honest with me, Y/N. That's all I've ever asked. Did you or did you not think about it keeping it?" Silence. And god, it is the most gut-wrenching silence Yunho has ever endured.

Yup. Got it. 

The answer is clear.

You did think about Seonghwa. You thought about accepting the flowers as his apology, you thought about the possibility— even if it was for a brief, splitting second. Seonghwa did matter for one fucking second, and that's what bothers him.

"Yunho, please. I just thought—" You can barely get through your sentences.

"Did you, or did you not?"

"I thought about keeping it, but it was so stupid. I was just blinded for a second, and I realized it didn't matter to me. He doesn't matter to me. At all. I promise. Everything just caught me off guard." You try to grab for his hand but he steps back. "Yunho, it was all stupid. I tossed it out so quickly. I wasn't going to do anything, I wasn't going to text, nothing."

"But, why does it feel like after everything he's put you through, you still believe he'd genuinely change? Why does it feel like a part of you is still actually holding onto that?" Well, when Yunho says it to your face like that, you feel dumb. Not once did you ever think about running back to Seonghwa and leaving this behind. But, you were blinded in that quick second from your history with Hwa, being close and sharing moments for months. Asking Seonghwa for little gestures like this, for more attention; even though it was a ride, you still had history.

And yes, maybe at one point you wanted to be the girl that changed him.

But today, you can't even imagine going back to that point. Not after being with Yunho, not after the happiness he's brought you.

Not after you realize how much you genuinely and truly love Yunho. 

You don't wanna lose him.

This is all so stupid, and a huge misunderstanding. But, you're the only person to blame here— if you hadn't given Seonghwa the time of day, if you had just told Yunho right away without second-guessing it, if you hadn't hesitated; you wouldn't be here right now.

"I'm not!" Your tone raises and it sounds like a whine at this point. "I'm not, Yunho. Please."

"Look, tonight was a lot." He sighs, running his hand through his hair before wincing and looking down at his knuckles. "I was excited to see you after a long day, Y/N. I was really looking forward to being with you. I wasn't expecting all of this and honestly, I don't know what's worse? Stumbling upon all of this the way I did, or not knowing at all."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. It was stupid and fucked up of me, and I'm sorry." You repeat, tears streaming down your cheeks.

"Maybe you just need to think about what you really want." Yunho shrugs. "I thought you were over the whole thing with Seonghwa, but clearly not if you're still considering on giving him the time of day."

"No, no, Yunho. Please don't. It's not that." You try to lace your hand with his, but he gently brushes it off with a shaky sigh. He doesn't wanna leave you. He never wants to be without you. But, tonight was a lot for him to handle, and it is overwhelming. He hasn't really felt this protective over someone. Of course, it's only natural since you're his girlfriend. He'll always protect you. It's just that Seonghwa brings something out of him that he doesn't necessarily like, and he wants it to be gone for good. It feels unhealthy and icky;

The anger, the frustration, the anxiety.

He hates it. And he doesn't want this to be a thing in your relationship. Plus, he still feels himself fuming with anger and he just can't possibly talk to you while he feels that way.

So yes, he's overwhelmed and he needs to get over this.

"No, seriously. You really should think about it. I know where I stand but I'm not so sure you do." He lets out another disappointed sigh. "I'll take you home, but we should probably just be in our own places tonight."

"Okay." You say close to a whisper, sniffling as you wipe away at your face. You don't even try to fight it anymore simply because you know Yunho needs his space right now. He begins to walk off with you slowly trailing behind, head hung low after everything that happened tonight. Everything happened so fast you're also having to process it all on this walk over to the lot. Suddenly, you're pulled out of your thoughts when you hear footsteps picking up behind you, followed by a familiar, deep voice.

"Yo, wait up!" Mingi says. "You good? I'm sorry about him, he's actually losing it."

"You're sorry? Mingi, when the fuck is your friend gonna grow up so that you're not apologizing on his behalf?" Mingi lets out a breath as his eyes dart from you, back to Yunho's. "Seriously. I don't mean to throw that your way, but it's not even just about tonight. Your friend knows no boundaries and that's crazy to me."

"I know, he's got things to sort through but that's his own problem now. I already told him multiple times. Me and San did." Mingi shakes his head.

"Doesn't take much to grow the fuck up and take ownership of your own fuck-ups once in awhile."

"Let him keep learning the hard way. He will, eventually. He deserved that tonight."

"He can try all he wants, nothing's gonna change between me and her. Hope he understands I'm not going anywhere after tonight."

"Of course." Is all Mingi could respond with because of course Yunho wouldn't go anywhere— why the fuck would he let Seonghwa get in the way? He shouldn't. And Seonghwa needs to know that. "Anyway, just wanted to see if you two were okay. For real." Yunho sighs.

"Mmyeah. Thanks." He responds as Mingi daps it up. "We're just gonna head home."

"Drive safely. Text me if you need me." Mingi gives you a small smile before running off to tend to his friends, San now also getting dragged into all his mess. 

The walk over is quiet, but Yunho still opens the passenger door for you when you finally get to his car. You hate the silence that falls between you two, but you understand Yunho is upset and needs his own time away from everything, from you, even. You can't help but cry even more into your hands when he pulls into the apartment lot, Yunho letting out a breath as he puts the car in park. He looks over at you and his heart breaks because he truly hates to see you cry, and he never wants to be the reason behind you being sad or hurt.

"Hey. Don't." He says softly, hands coming up to pry your own hands away from your face. He gently wipes the tears away, making sure no drop is missed. 

"I'm sorry, Yuyu." You repeat.

"I know, it's okay."  He says, even though right now, it's not.

"Is it?"

"Let's get you home, okay?" He just looks at you with a soft expression before unbuckling his seatbelt. He comes over to open your door, locking his car when you step out and slowly make your way to your apartment. When you get to the steps, you turn towards him with a small pout. Yunho pulls you into a hug and kisses the top of your head, wiping any remaining stragglers from staining your cheeks. He's not happy, but he's trying to send you off on a calm note— hoping this could at least ease you for the night. "Get some rest."

"I'll see you tomorrow, right?" He doesn't say anything before he pulls away and takes a few steps backwards. "Yunho." You call for him in that tone of yours that always makes him so weak.

"Y/N, please. I just need to shake this off. That's all. Goodnight." All you can do is simply walk away before running up the steps and into your apartment. Chaery is the only one home, cleaning her dishes after cooking a good meal for all of you to share.

"My love is home! I cooked!" She says happily, but her smile dies when she sees you set your bags down and cry into your hands. She drops everything and rushes over, throwing her arms around you while guiding you to the couch. "Hey, what's wrong? What happened?" She brushes the hair away from your face while you continue to cry. You don't respond for a bit, signaling for Chaery to just hold you and let you be.

You cry, and you cry.

Because you already miss Yunho, and you feel so dumb for overthinking the entire thing, for not being honest with him. It was a stupid mistake, but you hope Yunho knows you truly weren't out to hurt him. 

You hope he can forgive you and move past this— with you, together.

Because today and so on, he's all you want. You love Yunho, and there's no one else that completes you the way that he does.

♣︎ taglist: @s-nsanshine @soupbinlily @tyongff-ff @jiminiscricket @g1g1l @staytinyinmybpack @woomyteez @gfksz @bitchwhytho @savluvsmingi @thisisntmyrightera @hyukssunflower @miriamxsworld @tmtxtf @kuromibabe04 @lmnhead @carrietwrites @tournesol155 @persphonesorchid @txt-yaomi @mxnsxngie @h-nji @mundayoonimnida @jalapeno-princess @nakiiko @asjkdk @kunikku @idkwgoh @kyeos4ng @agust-d2 @araknoid @bintificreads @primoppang @betray-the-light @aurorasjoongie @wineyoungie @yunhotteokkk @yungigiggles @jaerisdiction @ignoretheskies @luminouskalopsia @naeviscall @vixensss @choisansplushie @arya9111 @my-lightspirit @dazednconfusion @astro-doll-the-star @faesmingi @idfkeddieishot @startinystay @emily505 @mgdixon @mcsalterego @cheynalexilaiho @svintsandghosts @mismatchfluffysocks

#yunho fanfic #yunho series #jeong yunho series #jeong yunho fanfic #ateez series #ateez x reader #ateez #yunho #jeong yunho #yunho x reader #jeong yunho x reader #ateez imagines #kpop imagines #yunho smut #yunho fluff #yunho angst #jeong yunho smut #jeong yunho fluff #jeong yunho angst #hwaslayer: project make you love me

[georgiapeach30513]

How I'm Looking At You, Part 1

Summary: You were long considered a spinster. Your family was desperate for money, and you were their only option. Sending you to work for a newcomer who was not part of the Amish community was risky, and it brought forth the gossip. Ari didn't seem to care what others thought about him, but he did care what they thought about you. Making your innocent crush and close proximity a bit more...harder. But can you convince him and yourself that the feelings are worth it? But what if it is just a crush? Do you even care anymore? Or are you ready to risk it all and leave the community?

Pairings: Ari Levinson X Reader

Rating: mild

Warnings:  gossip, questioning religious teachings, language, sexual tension, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 4.1K

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics

Ari takes a deep breath as he looks around. A whole lot of nothing. Land as far as the eye can see, neighbors weren’t close. He is in over his head. It was a great deal, and it made sense at the time, but now that he has sweat dripping down his face, blisters on his fingers, and more sun on his neck that his mom would deem necessary he realizes this was just a dumb idea.

The outside of the homestead is one thing, but the inside is unkempt and a complete disaster. He didn’t even know where to begin. Overwhelming didn’t even seem a strong enough word to describe the mess he is in. It is getting lonely out here, and the farmhands he hired aren’t helping much on the home or the kind of loneliness he feels. Life out here is different.

“I don’t think you’re gonna make it,” Jacob, one of the more vocal boys that Ari hired. Ari didn’t need anything that this life could bring him. In fact everyone here would probably shit themselves if they knew how much he is worth. Sometimes you just need an escape from the city life. “You look like you’re gonna melt away.”

“I’m thinking,” Ari gruffs out. The outside is fine. It is looking great, and the only reason he is even out here helping is his doctor told him stress was going to kill him. How is this not stressful?

“What’re you thinking about?”

“What do you know about keeping a house?” The young man stares at Ari awkwardly before looking at the other two men confused. They shuffle around nervously, looking down at the tilled land, “Did I say something?”

“I don’t think you understand the roles here,” Ari shrugs his shoulders, and the two boys that he couldn’t be bothered to learn their name since they didn’t talk to him before return back to their work.

“Care to enlighten me?”

“I don’t think what I’m suggesting will happen,” Ari squirts as he looks at the vastness of the land. He’d take any suggestion at this point, or whatever he had to offer.

“I don’t need suggestions, I asked to be enlightened.”

Jacob points to himself, but starts scratching his head after, “We don’t do housework. That’s for the women.”

“So I should find a woman to hire for the house,” the other boys start to chuckle, but remain working. “I think I missed something.”

“It won’t help,” Jacob shrugs his shoulders, as he grabs up his tool.

“Why?”

“If you think you’re going to get a married woman in a single English man’s home, you’re crazy. If you think you’re going to get an unmarried woman in a single English man’s home, you’re insane. Nobody would ever let their wife or their daughter in your home.”

Ari closes his eyes slowly. This way of life is confusing for him. He doesn’t want to tie a woman up in his bed and have his way with her, well — no, he wants help for his home. “Why wouldn’t they?”

“Have you looked at yourself? You’re like a man from the forbidden books. You bring out lustful thoughts in a woman. How are they to remain pure when there’s an English man that embodies everything they’re not supposed to have?”

“I don’t know how to use my stove though,” Jacob shrugs his shoulders. He didn’t see how any man would let a woman in his life ever be in Ari’s home. Especially not alone. “If I were to try, where would one go look for a woman that is unwed and needs a job?” The other boys laugh again, but Jacob points out into the distance.

“There’s only one person I can think of. A family that only had one daughter, no sons. They’re…well, they could use some charity. Their farm is quite small,” Ari hears one of the boys whistle, and chooses to ignore them. “She works at the general store.”

It isn’t the most ideal place to look, but it is the only one for now. What is the worst they could say? No. “You boys got this here?” All three give him a nod, there is so much nodding with everyone here, and he starts walking to his truck. He wasn’t going to go the horse drawn carriage route with transportation. And this isn’t a flashy truck. Old and rusty, and now he had a bit more hope of finding help for the inside of his farm. Maybe.

You can hear the giggles from the front of the general store. It was always about you, and they never tried to hide the way that they giggled and carried on about you. You weren’t supposed to gossip, and yet they always did about you. You were told you were too old to wed, and you weren’t a man and couldn’t help your father on the farm. And you weren’t the most demure because you spoke to everyone, and no matter what you did it was never right. And everyone wanted to point it out.

All you can bear to do is hold your head up high and try not to let the giggles and the random sound of your name off their sinning mouths to not affect you. Unfortunately it did every time, deep into your heart. You didn’t have friends, except the people that come into your store, and it made you long for something besides loneliness.

You wished you would have taken off long ago, but your parents didn’t deserve that. You had dreams of getting married young and having lots of little boys to help your father out. Had told your parents you could do the labor, but they felt you were better suited here. So hear you stay constantly hearing the drone of pious women being anything but that.

It is all politics and a game, and you quite frankly were sick of it. Sick of the constant need to be perfect as a human when it was literally impossible. So instead you pretend as if this is the life that you wanted. Living in a modern world, but acting as if you’re in the past. If anyone knew about your thoughts on wanting to break free, you’d be shunned, and you just couldn’t afford that.

It isn’t too often that you hear a rumble of an old Ford truck nearby, or the slamming of a door, or the fact that the giggling stops, and you see a gaggle of young women start to waddle away from the general store. And you can’t help but think, good riddance. The fact that they wanted to linger here while they whispered and giggled about your life that didn’t interfere with theirs is cruel. You always had to be the peak of perfection, while they were marking off the commandments like it was their job.

Booming footsteps isn’t unusual. What is unusual is the man that walks through the general store door, and you have a combination of looking too long and needing to look away immediately. Your eyes dart to his face, and then the countertop. Studying him and the wood grain in equal amounts.

Noticing the sticky sheen on his skin, and the random droplets of sweat dragging down his neck. Noticing his hair damp with said sweat, and still looking so fluffy. He walks over to a cooler, and pulls out a bottle of soda. Doesn’t bother to pay for it first, just pops the top, and leans his head back. His Adam’s apple moves with every gulp, and you know you look too long because his dark blue eyes shift towards you, and he winks.

Looking down at the counter, heat courses up your neck. Swirling around your ears, and your throat tightens. You need water. Even alcohol at this point. You had stolen a few sips before, and always heard it helps in situations such as these. Something is happening to your body that you just can’t explain, and you can’t even glance at him anymore.

“Ma’am?”

“Mhmm,” your response comes out whispered and pitiful, and you’re still unable to meet his gaze. A sudden urge to sit down, and let your body curl into itself pops up, and you need an exit. Air. Air would be really nice right now.

“I want to pay for the soda, but also a few more. My hired hands would like a treat,” why did the word hands sound so — delicious? Does that even make sense?

“Sure,” your body goes on autopilot as you start to ring him up. Still not daring to look at him. You’d crack, you just know it. You would be a puddle on the floor if you even tried. “Are you new?” How that sentence was even able to come out of your mouth is a mystery. Your throat is so dry and in need of rehydration immediately.

“Yeah. I bought the old Yoder farm, right at the edge of the town,” of course he did. The most coveted of farms, and even that is a sin. Too big of a farm for a single man. Did he mean to convert? Or was it too good of a purchase to not make the investment?

“That’s actually why I’m here. Darling, you think you can look at me?” Oh. Hearing a name usually saved for your parents to use for you, sounds very different from his silky voice. Your eyes shift up to look at him, and he’s even more handsome close up. You shouldn’t be worried about someone’s appearance, but he also should have his buttons done up a bit more. Too much of his gloriously tanned rippling chest is showing. He is all man. And the butterflies that erupt in your stomach makes you recall the gossipers’ talk of you being alone forever.

Those girls would not fare well if the elders knew what they were doing. But seeing this man, and his beard wet with soda, and the heavy feeling in your unseen areas, makes you quickly ask the heaven’s for forgiveness. You didn’t ask for that feeling though, it just happened. Your body is reacting to the way he looks and that close proximity to him.

“Why are you here?”

“I have hired hands for the outside, but the home itself — well it has much left to be desired. I don’t know what I’m doing in an Amish home,” you nod your head, a giddy smirk tickling the edge of your mouth, and he returns the smile. It’s a struggle to continue to look at him with how attractive you find him when he smiles. He’s handsome. Very handsome, “Yeah, I don’t know how to keep an Amish home. So this is very different.”

“I’m not sure I understand,” you didn’t. You didn’t know at all what he was referring to. English people can be so tricky with their words. No need in trying to sway a thought, just be blatantly honest about what you need.

“Well, I hired some boys to take care of the outside. I was needing to hire a woman for the home,” oh. Your sight goes back to the counter, and you shake your head no. “I didn’t even proposition you.”

“Sir, I don’t know if you are aware of our culture, but that would be — no woman should be alone with you,” it is true. It wouldn’t matter if she was married or not, it would be highly frowned upon. He didn’t know what he was asking. But even you being here in this general store, alone with him would be frowned upon. You wondered. “But some of our men are a bit more relaxed than others.”

“Is your husband?”

“I’m not married.”

“So could I hire you? I’d pay double of whatever you’re making here,” tempting. Sinful. And you want it. You wouldn’t have to listen to the gossip of those girls. Gossip would happen, you know it would. But you wouldn’t have to hear it. That sounds lovely. And you could become a ‘fulfilled Amish woman’ because you were keeping up a household. You wouldn’t be a complete failure.

“You’d have to ask my father for permission.”

“Are you not grown?”

Now it’s time for your overly sweet smile. If only he knew how there is a huge part of you that is ready to run away from this life. You are grown, and the fact you are telling another grown human that he had to ask your father for permission is obnoxious. “You truly don’t understand. I will need his permission to be alone in a man’s home. Appeal to his better nature. But yes, I would very much like to be out of here.”

And you want to be around him more. Like a rope that had wrapped around you and was going to jerk you into his thick broad chest. You would very much like that. Maybe a bit too much. You shouldn’t desire and lust after this man, but he is not grown like the boys here.

“So if I talk to your father, and he agrees…”

“What’s your name?”

“Ari Levinson,” my goodness. You need to repent for your body’s misbehavior. But for right now you’re trying not to melt away.

“Yes, Mr. Levinson. I would like to keep your house up.”

“So here’s the kitchen,” you smile kindly as you take everything in. The house is just a bit more grand than most in the area. The land is plentiful. The Yoders’ were a bit more modern, which is why they didn’t do well in this more traditional area.

“And, I really don’t need to explain this all to you, do I?”

“Not particularly,” you answer. Your eyes take in everything. Almost envisioning what a real English home would look like. Peeking into the sitting room, and going back to his really tall and thick stature. Having to look quickly away from him because he is staring too intently at you.

“What time are you wanting me to start working? Are you desiring breakfast?” That was an odd choice of words that you’re using. Desire is something you have been feeling lately, and you don’t fully understand the feelings. Or whatever is happening to your body, you just know that you enjoy looking at him. “Or lunch? Or dinner?”

“All three would be appreciative, but not a requirement,” you give him a head nod, starting to open up cabinets. You cringe. This isn’t how you were taught, but you can’t help it. He was in dire need of assistance, you see. “I apologize, Darling. Maybe I can give you some money, and you furnish the kitchen properly?”

“I would need to.”

“You do whatever you need, Darling. You just tell me what you need me to do,” he keeps using that name with you. You never feel this way when your parents call you that. This weird knot in your stomach that twists and twists, and your breathing isn’t normal. You’re just standing here staring at this man, and that is all.

“Is everything okay? Did I say something? I’m not good at this?”

“No, the um…I’d need to go into town,” shuffling your feet around you try to look at him, and try to ignore the burning in your throat, and between your thighs? What even is this?

“Okay,” that’s all he has to say. And you can’t end it there for several reasons. One of which is because you don’t want him to go. “Darling, you’re going to have to talk to me. I can tell there’s something you need.”

“Town is a few miles away,” he nods. Still not understanding what you’re needing. Did you even understand? “And you need a lot,” he blinks owlishly at you, and you try to swallow a completely dry mouth, “I don’t have a way to get there and bring everything back.”

“Oh, of course. I’m sorry, Darling,” that name again. You almost want to start counting how many times he uses it a day. His hand touches your shoulder as he steps past you to grab his keys, and you inadvertently bite your lip. “Can you ride in the truck? Is that allowed? Do I have to get a horse and buggy?”

“A truck is fine,” your voice is so breathless as you follow him towards the outside. Ready to head towards town, and hopefully to get everything you would need.

“I’ve got to tell the boys I’ll be leaving. You go on, and get in the truck,” walking outside with your eyes focused downward, you walk towards his truck. Trying not to look at the boys from the church, but they are most definitely looking at you.

Staring so intently they don’t notice Ari walking right up to them, and Jacob looks too long for Ari’s comfort, “What’s she doing here?”

“I took your advice. She’ll be keeping the house up.”

“Like a wife?” Jacob removes his hat, continuing to stare at you casually getting in his truck. Your eyes are still downcast, and your unmoving face still looking straight ahead and not at the boys. “So her parents agreed to this, and she’s just getting in your car.”

“I just met her and you’re talking about wives. No, I’m taking her to town to get the things she’ll need here. You boys continue to do the work, and I’ll return,” he nods to each of them, and they all gawk as he walks towards the truck, and you give them one solid glance, and they return to their work. Not making it too obvious that they are looking at you.

Opening the truck door, you watch as his thick body hops in. Looking at his legs, and how thick they look sitting down, and you weave your fingers together. Looking down at your own lap when Ari looks towards you, “You seem uncomfortable.”

“They are watching us, Mr. Levinson.”

“Should you not be in the truck with me? And please, call me Ari.”

“You’ll find out soon enough that for a community that teaches against gossiping, they will truly gossip. Carry on,” getting out of the sight of the farm, you feel comfortable enough to sit up. The gossip will always happen, you just learned to accept that. Continuing to glance at him, and you can’t stop. It’s unexplainable, but you aren’t the only one.

His dark blue orbs find a way to look towards you, and even smirks, “Do you only ever wear the dress and bonnet?”

“Just when I’m awake. Why?”

“Is it comfortable?” Not really. But it could be worse.

“It’s not uncomfortable,” you can’t truly be honest. So you feel.

“I see. But you don’t particularly enjoy it,” at least he understood what you meant. “So the women here, they’re job is to learn to keep a house, and then you marry off and do just that?”

“Yes,” it makes it sound so simple, and you almost want to curse what a quaint life you live. You weren’t given the opportunity to have dreams or want more. The dream was to marry, have kids, have your own home. You even wonder if your desires to marry was because you were told that’s what you did.

“Hmm,” he contemplates, paying attention to the road even though he’s more interested in your thoughts on this topic. You didn’t seem to have the same goals as the other people here.

“It’s not a horrible life.”

“I guess not.”

“It has its perks,” you argue. “It’s beautiful out here. We have the ability to ignore the noise that everyone else surrounds themselves in. I might not have the luxury of having my own dreams, but being a wife and mother, and keeping a house up is an honorable life,” it was, if not boring in ways. You never had the chance to explore something more.

“I didn’t say it wasn’t. But you’re not married. Is there a reason?” You turn to look at him. Actually, look. Had there been a man in the community that looked like him, you might have considered it. This is just silly because now you’re being someone who judges another based on looks. “You don’t have to answer.”

“My father isn’t like most,” you have a good father. Older than most of the ones who had children your age. “I think a part of him didn’t want to see me unhappy. I had a few interested for my hand in marriage, but I didn’t want them, and he didn’t make me Mary them.”

“Why didn’t you want them?”

“It’s easy for men here to get away with their indiscretions. And I don’t want to marry out of duty, or have to bear children with a man I can’t stand to look at. That’s what they all want. Just a wife and her to birth his last name.”

“You mean sex. It’s what most men want.”

“Sex?” You look at him confused, shaking your head, “No, I mean children. Extending your legacy,” Ari chuckles, giving you a devious smile, and your chest constricts. “What?”

“Do you know what sex is?”

“I…I assure you that we’ve been talking too much,” you gulp, wishing that you could arrive in town faster. You aren’t sure what he’s talking about, but you are sure that you feel like you’re going to combust. There is a thickness in the cab that you can’t explain. A fiery pain that settles below your stomach, and…other places.

“So you don’t?”

“Ari, is this an appropriate conversation?”

“I’m assuming that it’s not, judging by your reaction, but I am now curious. Do you know how bearing children comes to happen?”

“I live on a farm, I’m well aware of how breeding works,” he snorts, and you turn to face him quickly, “What is so funny?”

“That you’re referring to it as breeding. I suppose that’s true, but with humans it can be so much more.”

“What does that mean?” The truck drifts to the side of the dirt road, and your thumbs twiddle nervously. The air becomes even thicker when he leans in closer to you. “Ari?”

“I’ll take it easy on you this time,” what does that even mean? Putting the truck into park, he faces you. “Has anyone, man or woman just made everything in your belly float around? Like there’s this weirdness inside of you, pricking your skin whenever they’re around, and your throat dries up, and you can’t talk, and…”

“Your belly feels empty like you need something to fill something inside of you,” Ari clears his throat, looking down at your lap, watching as your thighs twitch around.

“Yes. Exactly like you need to be filled with something.”

“I feel — have felt that way,” you agree, trying not to let him know that it is in fact him making you feel that way. “But it doesn’t always seem pleasant when the animals mate.”

“I assure you if a man knows what he’s doing it can be very pleasurable to you,” a noise you have never heard before squeaks out of your mouth, and you look down at your lap again. Heat didn’t even describe what you are feeling. A roaring fire or volcano getting ready to erupt, and the need to go to the bathroom to clean yourself is more accurate. What is going on with your body?

“If he knows what he’s doing he can take you to another plane of existence,” Ari has been in this odd town for a few weeks, and not so much as glanced at a woman since. Judging by your reaction you are understanding exactly what he is talking about. He adjusts his pants, turning back to look straight ahead. He is also getting uncomfortable, but not because of you. His uncomfort is himself. Hopefully for the same reasons you appear to wiggle around too much.

“The way he could make you feel without ever — entering your body. It's a pleasure beyond your wildest dreams. Learning another person’s body can be fun. It can be paradise.”

“Should we be having this conversation?”

“Probably not. So maybe we keep it to ourselves, and I’ll buy you something besides that dress to wear?” The ideas he has mulling in his mind of what he could put you in, he’s downright ashamed of.

“I could only wear them inside your house.”

“I was only wanting you to wear them for me anyways, Darling,” fuck. He’s fucking fucked. A quick flash of you submissively getting to your knees as he paints your lips with precum comes to his mind. Your mouth slowly opens as you innocently let his cock breach your lips. Looking so pretty as you stare up at him. Fuck.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

Next

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @peaches1958 @seitmai @smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @kmc1989 @pandaxnienke @rogersbarber @buckybarnesisdaddy @theinheriteddutchess

#how I'm looking at you #ari levinson #ari levinson x reader #ari levinson x fem!reader #ari levinson x female reader #ari levinson x y/n #ari levinson x you #ari levinson fics #ari levinson fanfic #ari levinson fic #ari levinson fanfiction #chris evans #chris evans character #red sea diving resort #amish au

[itsclydebitches]

Don't mind me, everyone, just gonna slip on my Tedependent conspiracy hat for a bit...

Okay, for real though, can we talk about how Trent's backstory in 3x06 completely re-contextualizes his dinner with Ted in 1x03? Based on my own interpretation, the implied timeline is that Trent was married to a woman, attempted to come out to her and was dismissed (perhaps in large part because they were married: what do you mean you're gay? You can't be. You love me, etc.), either having his daughter forced Trent to become more honest about what he and his family needed, or they had her in an attempt to "fix" the marriage, she gets caught in the crossfire of all this, Trent comes out again, this time his wife believes him, they divorce, are still good friends, and their daughter is happier than ever because she has two loving parents who are now living their best lives.

Given her age - 3 at the start of the series, about 6 now - that means there's a decent possibility that Trent was still married at the beginning of the show.

And that his dinner with Ted is one of the things that pushed him to try coming out again.

As his core Ted is someone who is authentic and that authenticity is what catches Trent's interest. He's dismissive of it at first, literally thinking it's a "fucking joke," only to later end up with the revelation, "You really mean that, don't you?" - that Ted honestly enjoyed spending time with him. AKA, Ted says and does what he means, even when it seems completely unbelievable. How freeing must that be to see? I'm just imagining this interview-turned-dinner through the eyes of a man who is still unhappily married, mostly closeted, and struggling to help his daughter through the stress of that dynamic. Then he meets this sunshine of a coach who is so authentically himself that it initially comes across as an act, an exaggeration, a joke. But Ted never wavers, simply refuses to be anything other than himself. Soon he's doing even more than that, breaking down gender norms by characterizing the masculine, aggressive Roy Kent as the "little girl" from A Wrinkle in Time, burdened with the responsibility of leadership. He turns what should have been the end of a horrific day of shadowing into a dinner date and Trent finds himself answering the hard-hitting questions instead of his interviewee. Ted brushes off his accusation of greed with, "Wait, I'm supposed to be getting paid?" but Trent is completely caught off guard by Ted's "What do you love?"

The textual answer is "writing" and the fun fandom answer is "you," but if this is a Trent who still hasn't fully come out yet that's! A hell! Of a question!!! A closeted, queer individual's mind is going to jump to their biggest secret and, when offered an out, they're going grasp at it, so Trent eagerly agrees with Ted's guess of "writing" the same way Colin eagerly pulls the 'This is a gay bar? Haha, my mistake' card and makes a run for the door. Reading this interaction as Trent not just being gay, but potentially being closeted and unhappily married makes it less about the journalism (this strange coach likes me and thinks I can be a good person despite my invasive career choice) and more about his sexuality. Oh, no big deal, just having an intimate dinner with another good-looking man who's questioning me on love of all things and slowly inspiring me to be the best version of myself, which would require coming out to my wife again. This is a totally normal and not at all life-changing night! I definitely don't need to run away now!!

Via this reading Trent's article feels so loaded. Ted is "out there in the community" either "bravely or stupidly facing the music." That sounds a hell of a lot like a parallel to literally coming out and facing the music of a community's potential rejection, with Ted's American background/inexperience/unique personality acting as a stand-in for sexuality; the reasons he's labeled a "wanker" before anyone actually gets to know him - as the pub trio does while those very words are narrated by Higgins.

And then we have this:

"If the Lasso way is wrong, it's hard to imagine being right.... and though I believe that Ted Lasso will fail here... I can't help but root for him."

There are other elements at play here, like the football's celebration of ego and the threat of the club being relegated, but underneath it really sounds like a still-cynical Trent wanting to see the kind of changed world that those like Ted could bring about, but not really believing that it's possible. Given his history, is he really just talking about football when it comes to "the Lasso way"? I doubt it. Trent is potentially feeling trapped at this point in time, pessimistic to the point where yes, he still thinks that Ted will fail at football and creating a more inclusive, accepting community... but even still, Trent can't help but root for him. Of course he can't. He wants what Ted is offering. He needs it.

But then, of course, Ted succeeds! Not just in doing well by the club, but by the community as a whole. He maintains that inspiration and hope until, potentially, Trent felt like he could do something about his own situation. He found the nerve and strength to try again. So he comes out to his wife, they divorce, their daughter is happy, he goes on a date with a mustached man at the local pub, ditches him to try and 'interview' Ted, blows up his career because he realizes that his job is undermining the very thing he's been rooting for and he can't not give Ted a heads up, begins shadowing Ted as he looks for something "deeper," and then comes out to Colin, gazing wistfully across the water as he imagines being able to kiss a man after a win...

I'm not saying Ted Lasso is going to go there - and I'm DEFINITELY not saying there should be ANY accusations of queer baiting if/when they don't, because we've absolutely built the majority of this ship in fandom spaces - but I AM saying that if Trent's potential intersection of his history with Ted's influence and Ted's desire to shake things up while imagining bisexual triangles actually led to something... it would be a damn well done setup!

#Ted Lasso #Ted Lasso spoilers #Tedependent #Trent Crimm

[tarotwithavi]

Let me hype you up tarot series

Information about this reading

P1 : how do people in your circle view you

My Masterlist

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1 2

3 4

Short note : this is a general reading so it not resonate with everyone , so take what resonates and leave the rest. Also I work very hard on my readings so don't copy them or repost then anywhere or else I'll curse you :)

And if you like my service tip me , it really helps me alot 🙏

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Picture 1

Hello pile 1! People in your circle view you as someone who's very intuitive. You guys have a strong intuition. People in your circle think that you're very grounded. You are very down to earth and it's easy to ask you for an advice. You guys like to help others and you might like to do charity work and people in your circle admire that. Though you can be reserved and don't like to socialize much. You are very mysterious to people . They think that they know nothing about even after talking to you or being in your circle for years. You always remain a mystery to them. You are very creative and have a very high imagination. A lot of you could be painter or into some kind of arts. People in your circle think that you get confused because you have a lot of choices. And that you're always changing into a new person and that confuses people. They never get to know you. You can be very straightforward with your words. I lot of you could be born into june or could be venus/Jupiter dominant. They view as someone who has big dreams and want to achieve alot in life. You have a lot of knowledge and they are willing to follow you on what you say or do. They think that you are a hard nut to crack like you'll always keep your distance and do what you like. It's like you couldn't even care less about what they say. You are always changing and evolving and this stresses out people. It's like people think that they actually got to know you fully and them BOOM! You're not the person you were yesterday.

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Picture 2

(If you feel called to pile 3 make sure to check that out too)

Hello pile 2 ! The first thing I'm getting is that people in your circle think that you are very money minded and always have money and work on your head. Very business minded and know how to deal with people. A lot of you could be studying business or accounts. You mind and intelligence stands out the most. Your innovative thoughts are the thing people like most about you. You I feel like you shine when you give sort of information about something new . Like I'm getting a scene that someone is talking about something and there is a spotlight upon them. Maybe it's how people see you when you talk about the things you're passionate about. You might type very fast and people are amazed by your typing skills. Your friends love you alot. I'm getting that the people who choose this pile are the ones who choose the pile 2 in my previous reading on how do strangers view you. If not a lot of you then some. Though you might look dead ⚰ at some days when you don't have any energy or you just look numb. Again you act goofy around your friends and they think that this has something to do with you past like when you couldn't enjoy what true friendship feels like and now you're fully enjoying it. People in your circle think that you are always very grateful for what you have not matter the quantity. You might pray before you eat something though alot of people don't pray before eating. You just like to be grateful for everything and they would like to learn it from you. You are like the sunshine of the group. Although sometimes they think that you can't make up your mind sometimes.

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Picture 3

Hello pile 3 if you feel drawn to pile 2 make sure to check that out too :) so first of all I'm getting a lot of you could be an air or earth sign . First of all I'm getting that people in your circle think that you're someone who's too hard on themselves and tries to hard to make themself look perfect in society. By looking perfect I don't just mean about appearance but academically too. Like you want A grades in all your exams and if you don't then you would just blame yourself for being careless and not talking studies carefully. Maybe you were considered very slow in your childhood or that you won't achieve anything and now you want to prove them wrong but your being too hard on yourself. It okay to make mistakes, it's okay to be lazy sometimes, it's okay to take some time completing your work. Don't be too hard on yourself. People in your past might've told to that you couldn't achieve anything but people in you circle now can see how much you're going to grow. They know that you are destined to shine among faceless people and bring honor to yourself . Remember you are a star and you're meant to shine and also the darker the night is the brighter the stars shine. So chill my sunshine and nurture yourself. Pile 3 even if you don't believe it you are very lucky and a master manifester. So don't stress out too much and also I'm getting that you neer to take care of your eyes. Pile 3 people know that you are in your cocoon state right now and you will soon become a beautiful butterfly 🦋.

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Picture 4

Hello pile 4 ! You could be seeing 1010 or 999 alot. People in your circle think that you don't open yourself to love that others give you. I'm getting that this might be because of your family. You guys don't get along with your family or your family might have laked giving you the love and care you needed. If this doesn't resonate then I'm sorry to say but this is not your pile. People in your circle can sense this and they want to offer you love that your family didn't. But you seem to not open up to their love. They want to shower with love and affection but it's you who won't open up. They see you as someone who they would love to protect. They would protect you with their life. They see that you've been strong for too long and now you just need a shoulder to lean on. They feel very lucky that they got to know you . Maybe you always dreamed of a perfect family and you didn't get one but people in your circle would love to be like what you imagined. I'm getting that it's like you don't want to be naive and vulnerable like what you were in the past anymore and you have made a protective shield around you that a very less people can break. People in your circle see you se their star. I'm also getting that you might have seen a lot of financial hardships in your childhood. People in your circle think that you need alot and affection but won't show it. And deep inside you never lost hope on your dreams no matter how difficult the situation would be.

✧༺♥༻✧

__________________

The thing I noticed in this reading is that how different it is from how strangers view you. There was points where the readings got so vulnerable and sad .

All the piles were quite similar, I mean people in your know you so they know what you've been through.

I hope you liked this reading . Also please ignore if you see any typos.

Please show love and support :)

Bye!

#free readings #free tarot #tarot cards #tarot reading #tarot #pick a card #oracle reading #ask game #paid readings #pac tarot #tarotscope #tarotblr #daily tarot #taroteverydamnday #tarot witch #pac reading #tarot pick a pile #tarot pac #tarot pull #pick an image #pick a photo #pick a picture #pick a pile #astro notes #tarot and astrology #tarot deck #pick a deck #divination #reading #tarot readings

[galwithalibrarycard]

Hello, how r u? Soo, I just discovered love little losers (I was a huge fan on nmtd, but didn't know about lolilo). And I love your blog, thanks for keeping the fandon alive. Argh so, Freddie, does she gets better? Cause she's a little bit annoying. Pedro and Balt, I'm jumping out of my sits for them, the backslash? Really. I'm so excited to see more beadick. Anyway, I just wanna vent, thanks for the blog

I’m good thanks, hope you are too. And thank you! I’m definitely not the only one still here keeping the fandom alive, there’s still a few of us out here, but I appreciate the love! 😁 it’s nice to know people are enjoying my posts still!

We’re actually having a small resurgence in the tags with new people watching both series, which is fun. Those people inspire me to keep posting too, it’s all full circle.

I am… not really sure how to prepare you for lolilo tbh. It’s a loose adaptation of Shakespeare’s Love’s Labors Lost, and it’s a lot heavier and angstier than NMTD for one thing, so be warned. Pedrazar is a very slow burn, be prepared for a journey! I liked Freddie right away bc I relate to her anxious energy, but you might take some time to warm up to her, that’s fair.

I recommend you head to @beatriceeagle and check out the series of Lolilo meta analysis posts she made with her sister a few years back. It’s a show that trades in subtext and has a lot of important stuff go down offscreen. Reading the metas really helps give a more thorough understanding and insight into the characters and why they behave the ways they do. It might help you understand where Freddie’s coming from, and the others too.

As far as Beadick, I’ll tell you they will break your heart, but it will be put back together again. If you need more of them, the missing offscreen moments and development of their relationship are kind of my specialty in terms of fanfiction. I wrote “the world is too quiet without you nearby”, a 16-chapter fanfic covering the time period between NMTD and Lolilo when Bea and Ben are in a long-distance relationship (plenty of fluff to pad the descent into angst). I also wrote “And We Are Finally Home”, a fic that covers the Beadick relationship arc from the lolilo episode “Confrontation” on through the end of the show- and I WILL be finishing and posting the epilogue to that fic as soon as I can, but you can read the chapters that are already up and still get a pretty complete story there. You don’t have to read them, but i wanted to share because I’m proud of them and I think they’re a good companion to the show if you like Team B! Mind the tags, but there shouldn’t be anything in the fics you can’t handle if you can handle the actual show.

The most important thing you might not get from the videos themselves: it’s canon from the creators that Benedick and Freddie and Balthazar are all dealing with anxiety disorders of some kind, though the creators didn’t actually intend to write that going in- it just happened that they agreed with the fandoms interpretation later on. So everything Ben does is colored by anxiety constantly telling him that he’s too much and that no one likes him and the only thing he’s good for is a laugh- and the (false) worry that Bea is getting sick of him and can’t wait to leave on her travels to get away from him. He’s trying to keep people from leaving him. Freddie is the way she is because she’s desperate for control in life, it’s the only way she feels calm. And Balthazar is petrified of confrontation and retreats into himself when he’s stressed. A lot of this is covered in much better depth in the metas I mentioned, but I wanted to let you know. Not as an excuse for any of their actions, but as an explanation that might make it a less frustrating watch.

I hope that answer wasn’t too overwhelming. I am just incapable of being normal about these webseries and especially about Benedick Hobbes (look, you don’t simply forget the character who got you through your own social anxiety diagnosis, and this is the obsessing-over-fictional-characters website. I talk about other things too, I promise! xD)

Anyway, thank *you* for allowing me to share some thoughts right back! I hope you enjoy Lolilo! 😊💖🦩

#asks tag #welcome and good luck to you Anon! #i also have a whole meta about Ben’s social anxiety it’s linked at the top of my blog

[thats-so-weird]

Thoughts on So Weird's 25th Anniversary

It's hard to believe So Weird premiered 25 years ago. It feels like we JUST celebrated the 20th anniversary, but then again the pandemic has completely distorted my sense of time.

Maybe it's because I'm in my 30s now or maybe it's because I was fortunate enough to meet the wonderful actress who brought her to life, but I have discovered that I am in my Molly Phillips era and Molly has overthrown Jack as my fav.

I truly have had a different favorite character for different stages of my life and I love how as I grow older, I continue to love this show for different reasons.

Now as the show is 25, I've been doing a lot of thinking about the lost episode Chrysalis and the character Molly Phillips and the content that is on Disney Plus now and the content we were denied. It was such a missed opportunity.

At the time that So Weird was airing, I was 6-8 years old and my dad was struggling with a disease. I remember asking my mom what it was that my dad had that made him have to sleep on the couch or stay in the hospital and her just repeating "He has a disease!" until I stopped. It wasn't until I was adult that I learned he struggled with alcoholism.

At 6-8 years old, all I knew about diseases were that they could be caused by smoking and that they can kill you so I assumed it was related to his cigarette smoking and feared he was going to die. I also knew that he had stopped smoking for 4 years, around the time he and my mom got married. My sister and I are exactly 4 years and 6 days apart. At 6-8 years old I knew basic math and the conclusion that I came to was that having a second kid (me) must have bad so stressful it led him to smoking. I fully believed for my whole childhood that my mere existence was killing my dad by driving him to smoke.

That is some heavy shit to carry as a 7 year old and a whole lotta shit to unpack in therapy as an adult.

And it was all because everyone thought it was in my best interest not to explain things like alcoholism in a way that I could understand because they thought children shouldn't know about such things.

As a latchkey kid, I was raised by television as much as I was raised by my parents and if the execs at Disney would have allowed So Weird to do that issues show they were so afraid of, it could have been lifechanging. Being able to see my favorite characters discuss alcoholism and provide some context that shows and explains what it is in a way a kid could understand would have been so valuable.

But Disney was too afraid to do an issues show.

Earlier this year, I watched the new Goosebumps series on Disney+ and was surprised to see kids openly making fun of one of the moms for being a wino. I'm glad that Disney is no longer afraid to show real life situations in that alcohol is a thing that exists and kids (well, the ones who aren't extremely sheltered like I was) are aware of it. But as happy as I am to see Disney is evolving to include these elements and showing more kid-friendly horror, all I could think of was the missed opportunity they had with So Weird. They could have done so much good with Chrysalis.

One of my favorite things about So Weird as a kid was that I never felt like I was being talked down to.

As an adult, I absolutely love the depth to Molly that a past struggle with alcoholism brings. It indicates just how visceral losing Rick was, how much pain Molly was in that she needed to self-medicate it away and stop feeling feelings because they were too hard. It shows how strong she is as a person for getting her life together since then, being able to do a comeback tour and be the amazing mom we see her as. It humanizes her on such a real level. She's the best portrayal of a tv mom because she very much is a MOM-- she doesn't try to be best friends with her kids, but she makes sure they know they can talk to her and go to her for help.

Dealing with my dad's unexpected death in my early 20s (which was surprisingly not due to smoking, or at least not primarily) showed me that my parents are above all else PEOPLE-- with flaws, with struggles, who just did the very best they could with the hand life dealt them. Molly represents that so well and I think it's why I've been drawn to her lately.

25 years of So Weird and I am still finding so much to relate to and gush about with this show.

Forever keeping the faith that one day So Weird's full story will be told, either by graphic novel or reboot.

It is still absolutely timeless.

#so weird #zoog disney #disney channel #molly phillips #alcoholism #issues show

[teenwolf-theoriginals]

over the past week, i've gotten some lovely messages asking if i'm okay, where i was, basically kind anons sending love. and then there were a few anons who asked about my peaky fics. this is kind long, so i'll put it under the "keep reading" line.

firstly, thank you to those who checked in. am i okay? not really, that's why i took time away. lately, it has been a real struggle with writing. i know it seems like i'm singing the same old tune. but this time around it felt different. i needed to step away, take time out for me and try to figure out why mentally i wasn't connecting with writing. i haven't completely figured it out, i'm still slowly working through falling back in love with my writing. it's been small steps this past week. i have written a little more for the shelby chaos family, organizing the stories has helped me break them down, it's just a matter of committing to writing them and hopefully not hating what i write. on top of me disconnecting with my writing, i felt really deflated with life in general. short version, i'm just feeling so sick and tired of feeling like nothing is working out for me. it's little things that had piled up, getting my hopes up with personal things, and dealing with up and down emotions.

secondly, the reason why my peaky fics aren't visible is because i have made them private. a large reason why i was starting to disconnect from writing was because every time i looked through my notifications, 99% of them were people mass liking. it made me question what the point was in me stressing over these fics, trying to perfect them if that's how they were going to be treated (if so many think writers should write for themselves, then why not just keep them to myself, which made me feel really sad that i was having that kind of thought). that then led me to self-doubt and i didn't want that to spiral further and end up hating my writing to the point where i stopped writing altogether. so, i made the decision to cut out seeing those mass likes for the sake of my sanity and love for writing (a.k.a overthinking brain making issues more intense and stressful than they need to be). if i wasn't constantly seeing like after like after like after like, i could focus solely on finding that spark again for writing. i know it might seem like a drastic or silly thing to do. i know most won't understand unless you have gone through that as a writer or content creator. it's very difficult to communicate just how mass liking can affect a content creator if you aren't one. it's a struggle writers go through constantly and it sucks. so many writers have shared how powerful feedback, interest, and excitement can be and it feels pointless because it ends up being the same tiresome cycle. there is only so much excitement a writer can harass for their own fics before they need others to do the same. this quote by ernest hemmingway describes it perfectly: "writing, at its best, is a lonely life". writers spend so much time alone with their fics, that sharing them makes us not feel so alone. and i don't think asking for a better balance between likes/reblogs/comments is an unreasonable request (also, i understand tumblr's algorithm sucks and it's hard to get most content to a wider audience. especially if so many are posting and only the popular ones end up on top of the tags. that is why reblogging is so important).

i don't know when i'm going to make the peaky fics public again. i don't think right now i'm 100% in a place where i can do that and not go back into that rabbit hole of self-doubt, frustration, over-thinking, etc. i might do so once i have finished a fic. i might even post later more about the shelby family chaos series, share a little bit of the upcoming fics. i hope nobody is too angry at me for privatising the fics. you will be able to read them again, just please be patient with me. especially since there are a handful of fics that you guys will be getting, so i hope that sorta makes up for not being able to read my older peaky fics right now...

also, in regard to my tommy "sweetheart" series. i made the decision after reading through it to delete all chapters but the first one. i know that may disappoint some people, but i have tried to find something that i like within it and i just haven't been able to. i really love the first part, but the rest i hated. and i know some may think that's unfair, especially if other people did love it, but i wasn't happy with it and i don't think the quality of the other parts matched the quality of the first part. maybe, way way down the road, i will write something new for it. but for now, it's going to stay a one-shot like it originally was meant to be.

i'm sending lots of love to anybody who may be struggling right now, or may not feel good enough either when it comes to writing, personal issues, etc. you are good enough! please, take care of yourself, it is not selfish to do so. life is heavy at times, find some joy and hold on to it. breathe and take it one day at a time. if you ever feel overwhelmed, talk to someone, blast your favourite tunes, go outside, binge-watch your favourite show. just do things that make you feel happy and peaceful. ♡

#personal #writing #peaky blinders

[alexandrite-studio]

Gooseworx's Avatar but in plushie form!

This is the finale of me drawing dumb plushie versions of Gooseworx's creations. This one is rather different in that it's head has fallen off! Poor thing; this plushie must be really stressed out...

So in my other four parts of this I talked about how Gooseworx inspired me to keep trying with my art. Since TADC and Kevin Temmer's praise I've been working harder than ever on making my 3D work up to professional standards. Some days I'll come home from my part-time job and work well into the night just tweaking things!

I have plans to release a new Demo Reel of my work with all my updated and new creatures. Then I plan to go to GDC (the Game Developer's Conference) in March and beg I mean network with others using my updated portfolio. I know Glitch isn't hiring for a 3D modeler right now so I'll just keep putting myself out there.

Gooseworx means so much to me. Her work changed my life view and made me really think about what I want to be as an artist and the work it'll take to reach my goals.

I doubt she'd see any of this silly stuff, and honestly that's fine. She's very busy, and I'm sure I've been enough of an obnoxious fan to her already. I regret never speaking up to talk to her, but she has enough problems she has to deal with to have to handle some random dude.

But one day, I hope maybe I could meet her in person and personally thank her for all that she's done to help me. Maybe buy her a coffee or something, I dunno.

Anyway, that's the end of my little story on why Gooseworx is my hero, and my 5-part plush series.

#illustration #gooseworx #plushie #digital illustration #the amazing digital circus

[muninnhuginn]

For the character ask meme, Anya from spy x family? :0

hi! thanks for the ask ^^. weirdly, I think anya's probably the spy x family main I've thought about the least? there's plenty to her so idk why I've not thought through her entire deal more, maybe just because the child experimentation angle will be grim and we're lacking so many pieces of her backstory rn. but even with that, there's plenty there. so anyway, good choice is what I'm saying. this gives me an excuse to not get distracted by loid and yo--

anyway anyway, answers below cut because this got long:

My first impression

This is gonna sound bad considering I only got into the series when the anime started coming out which is fairly recent all considered, but I genuinely don't remember? I'd probably seen memes involving her before I actually started the anime or manga, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember what they involved.

My impression now

She's young and that colours pretty much all of her actions. But it also means she has a huge capacity for growth and allows her to create that change in others too (the obvious one being Loid but you see it with others too). And Spy x Family may be a slow-burn but we're starting to get some of that pay off in terms of character development.

Hmm, what else, I guess she's pretty determined. Thinking of that post about how "Anya would be unstoppable if not for the small fact that she's five". So yeah, her logic is questionable at times (most of the time) and she's got abandonment issues and she's hindered by her age. But she's found a family now and it's clear she wants to keep them and wants them to keep her too.

Favorite thing about that character

I think the aspects that cause Anya the most trouble are those which she hasn't shared with anyone. Her powers, her background in general, her age. They're all tied together and her fear of abandonment (likely exacerbated by her foster families) prevents her from seeking help when they cause her issues. Loid knows pieces, but he's missing some really key bits of information and he has no idea. So it's neat that this character who arguably holds the most knowledge about other people's secrets cannot share her own.

Least favorite thing

I really don't like to think about some of the stuff that if you follow logic Anya must have been exposed to through her powers. There's some aspect of her not being able to comprehend all thoughts, but I imagine there's a lot that gets through which is just, quite frankly horrific.

There's that scene fairly early on where Loid and Anya come across a rally and there's some pretty yikes stuff being thought by those attending. In that scene, the focus is more on how crowds tend to overwhelm her given her powers, but between that and whatever's going on with Melinda, well, it's pretty clear she can and will hear things that would be uncomfortable for *anyone* to hear, never mind someone not even six years old.

Favorite line/scene

Maybe Ania mini-chapter. What does it all mean?

Favorite interaction that character has with another

Loid-Anya cruise subplot. She's not lost the abandonment issues, but she sure has Loid wrapped around her finger and takes full advantage of it. She's just trying to help Yor, but she's making Loid completely suffer for it and it is hilarious.

A character that I wish that character would interact with more

Handler. They've had a couple of interactions in canon and Anya reminds her of her own daughter which is already such a dynamic to start with. Anya seems to like Handler too. It's a mutually healing relationship, but also funny to consider them both driving Loid up the wall with stress.

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character

Maybe Steven Universe? Something about kids with atypical family setups who are too young to be involved in this stuff getting involved regardless and setting themselves up for trauma down the line. Wanting to save the world, but not yet understanding what that entails. Their powers being tied to something beyond their control; something that will absolutely come back to bite them.

In terms of personality though? I'm kind of blanking.

A song that reminds of that character

(Might have to follow it through to Youtube to get the subtitles to work)

This is one of those where it's more the vibes than the exact story, but I think the whole 'family to family until you find a home' and 'seems cheery but actually quite sad' and some of the stuff around 'helping' all fit in a way.

An unpopular opinion about that character/A headcanon about that character

(Merged this with 'headcanon' because I realised my read of the situation here could fit that and I blanked on *actual* headcanons but they'd probably mostly revolve around sensory overload from her powers so)

Not sure how unpopular this opinion actually is, because I don't tend to lurk in those places, but I genuinely don't think Anya at this stage is "into" Damian in any way. And though I doubt it'll pan out that way, I would very much prefer if she stays uninterested in him in that way? I do think it'd be neat to explore the fallout when Damian realises she was trying to befriend him for his connections given that's already been brought up as something that'd upset him. But I'd rather their dynamic lead to genuine friendship rather than romance. For now, Damian's crush and Anya's awkward overtures as she tries to progress the mission do entertain me, as do the small moments where they interact genuinely. But I just find the idea of a crush when they're that young actually working out to be... well, pretty unbelievable?

Favourite picture

Ahh don't make me pick. She has too many good faces I'm not sure how I could narrow it down. I'll just go for.... her "heh" face, but genuinely way too much choice. (Also, there are some more serious options like when she realises Loid's reason for coming to rescue her in ep/ch1 or her reaction about the whole "Ania" spelling. But again, can't pick)

#asks #ask meme #roseofcards90 #sxf manga spoilers #(minor and mostly kept to references rather than fully explaining them but tagging just in case) #spy x family

[indigo-flightly-falls]

A detailed ramble about how This Is Home perfectly fits SoD!Etho as a character

For anybody who doesn't know what the SoD AU is, basically for the long answer, scroll through the au tag at the bottom of this post, for the short answer, httyd au focused on Etho and Skizz. they both have trauma Please note that this ramble will have vague spoliers for the first fic in the series, Aloft, and very vague spoilers for the rest of the series. You can read that first if you are interested! (Aloft is only 5 chapters)

ALSO! After the first verse I had to cut it to a reblog because I may have exceeded the tumblr post character limit and therefore the post couldn't post lol

------

Often I am upset that I cannot fall in love but I guess This avoids the stress of falling out of it So while in the song it's talking about romantic love (which does fit Etho. they're aroace in every au I made), it does fit how Etho feels about friendship until after Dragon Island because they could never make connections because they were an outsider who didn't talk about their past, who wore a mask and kept their hair in front of their eyes, who faced every attempt at friendship with a harsh tongue. Are you tired of me yet? I'm a little sick right now but I swear When I'm ready I will fly us out of here Following with the above, it isn't until the events of Lantern that they actually let go of that fear of abandonment, and honestly yeah that's all. Also the references to flying fit Etho's whole dragonkin thing very well. I'll cut my hair To make you stare So while this has never been stated in any of the fics yet, when Etho arrived on Berk, they had pretty long hair. I'd say past their shoulders. This might've been a thing used to tease them (it was). So, they cut it to just below their ears. I'll hide my chest And I'll figure out a way to get us out of here This is literally the only line I can't connect to Etho out of the whole song so just pressing skip on this one <3 Turn off your porcelain face Etho hides their emotions (or at least doesn't show when they're nearing a breaking point) for quite a while, and Skizz keeps trying to help them pick up the pieces afterwards. I can't really think right now in this place There's too many colors enough to drive all of us insane So this one (along with the next few lines) has two meanings in how I think about it. 1-Etho is very much neurodivergent. Specifically they have BPD (and potentially AVPD) and are autistic. They deal with sensory overload every once and a while and it tends to be really bad when it's connected to the other students. 2-The Hidden World is full of colors, and it is the place Etho escapes to, and they don't have to think about everything on the surface for a bit. Are you dead? Sometimes I think I'm dead 'Cause I can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head Again, two meanings. 1-Etho's whole dragonkin thing again. A common belief held among otherkin individuals is reincarnation and/or the multiverse theory. While I'm not going to state exactly what Etho believes is the reason they have the soul of a dragon, I do like this little reference to it. 2-Etho's experienced some pretty bad trauma, and that combined with how they're , kinda leaves them thinking that their past self is dead and they're haunted by the ghosts of another life. But I don't wanna fall asleep just yet I mean Etho is stated to have really bad and somewhat commonly reoccurring nightmares in Lantern so there's that.

#etho and skizz sod au #trafficblr #3rd life

[fedorahead]

i've been talking with my husband on the topic of the hypervigilance of oppressed minorities and traumatized people in general.

when a group of people are under constant threat, the individuals in those groups have to face every situation with the understanding that it can be an attack on them, it can be a threat to their safety or their life, it can destroy their relationships and even interfere with their jobs or housing or children. i know this, firsthand, as i imagine many people on this site do... and i'm demonstrably not above overcompensating for that looming threat myself, but i often struggle to see it in others. and thinking of myself as a threat, or a potential one, has to be a mindful exercise because it does not come naturally and honestly i haven't ever really had a strong need to consider.

i dunno if we're all really being played against each other. it feels like it, a lot of the time. but we all have to see each other as potentially life ruining, because honestly any stranger could be with the wrong series of choices or too public an online persona or letting too many details of your life out where people can find them.

and being in this headspace of at least a little bit but usually quite a lot more than a little bit on edge all the time is exhausting, it's awful, it makes us respond to things from that position of "this conversation is dangerous to me". which sucks somewhere like tumblr where regardless of what the people in charge are doing, the majority of the users are here for love, support, to share fandoms or art or whatever to create a beautiful space. and, often, to band together in solidarity. this is the only site i see hundreds of posts sending love and support to palestinians without the weird mysterious ~glitches~ that leave people unable to comment on pro-palestine posts. it's the only site i see mutual aid and emergency crowdfunding numbers actually go up as they get reblogged and passed around to people who may not even have enough for their own bills but are farther from homelessness than the person asking and so they donate what they can anyway. it's a beautiful community full of people stuck on survival mode, trying their best.

so i engaged with a post tonight earnestly, seeing it only from my perspective. which... is something we all need to work on as a general rule, but also i pride myself on my ability to see things from different angles and even being good at that i still very much did not understand the other side. explaining why i was getting pushback for what i said to someone who has less context and understanding helped me to realize, well, why i was getting pushback. and unlike experiences i've had before, in places more cynical and less communal, the people upset with me were also being earnest and i handled that poorly.

i don't ever want a trans woman (or anyone) on this website to feel like i am a danger to them, their safety... or even their joy on this site. because honestly, wrecking someone's day by being hostile to them is more than just getting some justice or being heard like it feels like in the moment. it's also adding to the pile of tiny and huge awful things they're dealing with already. it's telling that survival mode that yeah, actually, this time you were right and you should get up at arms at this person because they are damaging. because it is damage. every random pulse of cortisol from every self-righteous message is adding to the unnecessary shitty stress levels. every increasingly tense back and forth argument is a genuinely dangerous conflict on a biological level. our brains don't know the difference. and yeah, nobody's going to have a heart attack because somebody was a jerk to them online (i hope). but we have seen what too many jerks over too long does to. and when there's waves of negativity, it doesn't matter how big or small a part each person plays, because they're still adding up together to that wave. and trans women, every single trans woman right now, is facing one hell of a fucking wave.

so... i'm sorry my misread of a situation meant that i added to that. i'm sure it will happen again, but also, i think this will serve as a reminder to me next time to shut up, at least until i've actually put in the effort to understand what's even really being discussed, under the surface or on it, in the first place.

[corruptedplaylist]

looking out for you: act ii behind the scenes

just pretending like im on a talk show i am both the interviewer and the host <3

motivation for writing the lance and keith solo chapters

i've been raring to write the solo winter break chapters (i just called them the winter break interlude in my head for a bit) since september/october actually. i viewed it as my reward for finishing act ii 💀 not just because i love angst but also i love a good character study/character development heavy chapter and i really got to dig into each character and their home lives.

the foundation of this fic is entirely based on my dissatisfaction with how the show progressed and ended and subsequent self-indulgence— i've just been addressing a lot of the issues i had with vld. one such issue for me was the lack of in-depth character development. i enjoy a good romance as much as the next person but i really wanted to understand keith and lance as individuals who functioned outside of each other and the context of the group, and the solo chapters were a great writing exercise for me in terms of characterization and character-driven storytelling. so let's get into it baby!

lance's section (chapter 11) first.

we never got to see lance's growth as a character beyond "the dumb one" or the guy who cracks jokes for the sake of the team. the smaller vulnerable moments lance had, where he broke down and felt like he was useless and tried to leave the team or when he admitted he missed his family and Earth— they never got properly resolved. i think lance's identity as a 1.5 generation immigrant (immigrating to the States as a little kid) as well as his status as the youngest in a large family impacted his thought process and self-perception and i wanted to showcase that.

for children especially, immigration can be traumatic. i know "trauma" is an oversaturated buzzword used in pop psychology these days but i refer its definition as something established in one of my classes: "an event or series of events that is perceived as frightening, distressing, or life-threatening and has long-lasting effects on the survivor's emotional, social, mental, and physical processes." i imagine that for a 5-year-old lance, who has always been family-oriented and prone to bouts of homesickness, he experienced his immigration as traumatic when he had to leave behind everything he knew in cuba (his house, his friends, his neighbors, most of his family members) and start his life over in america. like, that's a LOT for anyone, let alone a little kid, to have to deal with. and that's where i extrapolated the notion that lance is afraid of being left behind— he didn't really have a choice in whether or not he got to leave cuba and so he's carried this fear that everyone in cuba will move on without him.

on top of that, i think lance acted as a sponge for his family's negative emotions related to immigration (stress, anxiety, sadness). that's partially where he developed the conception that he had to perform, to always be on and distract them from their negative feelings. ofc, it also doesn't help that as the youngest, he really has to jockey with his siblings for a Thing (i.e. Luis is the family man, Marco is the athlete, Veronica and Rachel are the career-driven women).

i knew from the get-go i was gonna make this bitch have daddy issues lol. first and foremost, i do not want to dismiss the very real fact that there are tons of immigrant parents who hold homophobic notions and ideals because that is 100% real. however, the way that it's portrayed in media can sometimes flatten a lot of the potential for a nuanced relationship. i'm not excusing homophobia by any means but i am coming from a place of engaged empathy. our parents are a product of a society and culture that has ingrained in them homophobic ideals and fucked notions of gender expression. it's difficult to break a way of thinking and acting when you've had that logic shoved down your throat since birth. i think there's a lot to be said on the concept of masculinity and the "strong silent immigrant parent," which i haven't seen much in the voltron fanfiction i've consumed. i wanted to craft a relationship between lance and his dad where it can be boiled down to: "your love hurts." their conversation at the end of chapter 11 is by no means fixing everything, but it's a step in the right direction.

i also just really love lance's relationship with his siblings. i'm the oldest so it was a fun exercise to just see how lance interacts with his siblings as the youngest. also that's not the last you'll be seeing of the McClan in this fic......

let's talk about the keith section:

ok first, we've been able to view shiro from keith, lance, and adam's pov thus far. the thing is, though, is that lance still kind of views shiro as his idol/someone he's looked up to, and i wrote adam's pov primarily so the audience could view klance as a unit. shiro's character felt a little flat, and that was kind of on purpose thus far. keith and shiro are obviously incredibly close since they're brothers in this universe, but there's been an underlying tension so far because keith feels distant from shiro and i wanted to address that finally.

i think it's a natural thing for relationships to change once people hit college/move out. keith's mom left when he was a kid and his dad died and he bounced from foster home to foster home so ofc he's going to develop a huge complex about forming attachments to other people. i think it makes sense that one of keith's biggest fears is that shiro will leave him or grow tired of him, which obvi isn't true, but when you get in your head about something, after years of trauma and reinforcement of a spiral of bad thoughts, it's hard to get out of it. so keith's chapter was kind of confronting this idea that he deserves good, and that he might be good, and maybe he should stop running and learn to accept that he is loved.

i'm sure y'all have picked up on the whole thing i have for keith about showing the evolution of his willingness to be vulnerable and open up through cooking. at the end of keith's chapter, he is making kimchi fried rice with akemi which holds a lot of nuance.

1) keith is slowly but surely exploring his own heritage. (i know i haven't touched on keith's korean identity in a bit but dw that's coming in later chapters). fried rice isn't an entirely new concept to him bc he was raised in a japanese household (and also just exists in the world) but he's embracing positive change within himself and even initiating it himself by trying out a korean recipe, using kimchi, a korean food

2) not only is he trying out a korean recipe, he felt safe enough to attempt it for the first time at college, in a shared house with all his friends, and even served it to them, which is a HUGE step in his willingness to be perceived.

3) he is sharing this recipe with akemi, his japanese kind-of mom. it's the fact that cooking is kind of a love language for keith and akemi, and he wants to share something he's found for himself, away from the texas house, and integrated it into his old life, mixing what he knew with what he knows now.

akemi, who has shared her own recipes she learned from her family with keith and took on the role of teacher, is now the student. she's learning a recipe from keith and engaging in his explorations of his koreanness through cooking. and keith is sharing his culture with her because he tried it on his own with his own little found family, like "hey look at this thing i tried out for myself can i share it with you?"

tl;dr for chapters 11 and 12

i wanted to use the solo chapters as ways to show how lance and keith react to change— the ways they view it and the reasons they fear it. it can be boiled down to this:

lance: i am afraid of being left behind and i wish things would stay the same so i do not have to address the fear of being left behind because that implies i am not good enough for someone to stay for. keith: nothing has ever stayed the same for me and i am afraid of getting comfortable in the love that my community has for me because that could all be ripped away at a moment's notice. i will leave first as an act of self preservation.

allura 💖🧚🏿‍♀️🥰

i love you allura!!!! i got to have keith and lance each have a little moment with our fave princess because 1) keith and allura didn't interact a lot in this supposed found family in the canon other than when allura found out keith was galra and 2) i really liked the friendship between lance and allura in seasons 3-4 and i wish there were more moments like that. i think keith and allura could both connect more on grief and heritage since they both lost their parents, bridges to their respective cultures (keith korean, and allura jamaican). that little moment in ch 6 between both of them was very special for me as well— as an adoptee, i felt disconnected from a lot of traditions and holidays and foods that were a part of my birth culture but i didn't have anyone to celebrate it with. having keith and allura kind of discuss that together was not only a great character development moment but also was me projecting a lil 😗

side note: allura saying goodnight to keith in chapter 8 after halloweekend shenanigans parallels chapter 2, when they're outside the bathroom and she goes to touch his shoulder but he ducks away. i thought it'd be a nice little easter egg to show the progression of their friendship— in chapter 8, keith lets allura touch him and affirm their status as friends who have fun together.

i like lotor as a character but i had to nerf him a bit in this fic in regards to his relationship with allura. i think allura's relationship with lotor adds to her depth as a character— she's seen as the strong girlboss who doesn't take shit but hinting at her toxic relationship and portraying its affects was important to me. yes, allura is a badass but also she is not immune to shitty stuff, and even the most badass of people can get into bad situations. it doesn't make them weak, it just makes them human. i wanted lance, who def has this image of allura that's different from reality, to kind of find allura in this vulnerable moment and 1) realize that she's a person first and foremost, not an infallible goddess and 2) comfort her wholeheartedly because lance, to his core, is a very kind person and even when drunk, he's going to try and find the right words to say.

allura is a side character in all of this but i wanted to give her some complexity as well, since lance hangs out a lot with hunk and pidge and keith is closer with shiro and adam.

ch 9 klance development

ok look everything everywhere all at once left a fucking imprint on my brain when i saw it. "in another life i would have liked just doing laundry and taxes with you" ok stab me in the gut. that being said, i know i really wanted to give klance a moment to just be friends who run domestic errands together, to start nudging them in a direction where they're both like, "hey i kinda enjoy hanging out with this person one-on-one, and im comfortable enough to feel like i dont have to perform in front of them." klance just being domestic and folding laundry together at a laundromat and sharing airpods askgjakdjghlkadjfhgadf.

i also wanted to include the little adam and lance moment toward the end, because let's face it, adam would have absolutely adored lance (i say from the 2 minutes of screentime canon adam w got). lance has hunk and pidge and he's friends with allura but i wanted to give him someone to look up to and rely on the way keith has shiro. esp since lance is the youngest and away from home— adam probably reminds him more of his siblings initially, because lance has a more grounded perspective of adam than shiro, who's a microniche celebrity.

about the beach episode

i love beach filler episodes so fucking much. it's just a great time to get the ensemble out of the typical college setting and see how they function as a unit in a different environment. from the car rides, to stopping for food at some dingy ass fast food chain, to fucking around on the beach and chasing birds and sharing lunch ugh i love it so much it was lovely to write. mirroring adashi's relationship development with klance's was fun, i've had that idea in my head for awhile now so it was gratifying to see it come to fruition. i knew that i would have lance realize he liked keith first simply because keith takes a bit to process his emotions. dw this isn't gonna be some one-sided, drawn out pining for too long.

this beach chapter was a way for me to simultaneously reflect on how things have progressed with klance's relationships. not just with each other, but the rest of the group as well. i wanted them to have gotten a natural dynamic where they're all close enough to go on a beach trip and just fuck around and be normal college kids taking a break for finals. it also allowed me to plant the seeds for further klance development, as well as hint at the central conflict that would follow lance in chapter 11. chapter 10 was a great wrap up for the overall dynamic of the group and a way to end the fall semester.

what was it like to write in adam's pov?

that was so much fucking fun ahhhhh. for one reason, klance aren't together yet and i wanted. to write. domestic bliss. second, it's a great narrative tool to kind of zoom out a bit when viewing klance. we can see how the boys interact in a group setting from an outsider's perspective, without all the gay panic or inner monologues, as fun as they are to write. they just exist as they are, and adam takes note of it. third, i love adam and the potential of adashi and i am so so so sad that adam got killed off after less than 90 seconds of screentime. nothing against curtis, but i've just been more attached to adam since his character was revealed in the show (even if it wasn't for long). shiro deserves a loving partner and healthy relationship and i think adashi are so fucking cute. and yeah, i'm paralleling adashi's relationship development with klance, i just couldn't fucking resist.

when tf are lance and keith gonna get together?

LMAO yeah i knew this was gonna be a slowburn but damn i really am drawing it out. i do want to follow a somewhat logical progression and pacing, though. act i was building klance up as people who could find some common ground and humanize each other instead of just butting heads. act ii has been following the development of their friendship and planting the seeds for romantic attraction, as you might have seen from chapter 10. dw, there is a spike in the klance development in act iii as i focus on their navigation as a couple, and as y'all know, i already wrote the confession scene. it's coming!!!! soon!!!!!!!

multilingualism as a plot device

i've talked about it before but i love!!!! using language as a plot device to demonstrate a character's personality/development/interpersonal relationship!!!

i'm not a fluent speaker in any of the languages that have appeared or been mentioned in this fic (spanish, japanese, korean, jamaican creole, tagalog). i've studied most of them lackadaisically and i'm sort of fuzzy on grammar and cultural nuance. i've been consulting with actual native speakers of these languages to try and make it as authentic as possible but ofc, if you do speak those languages and something sticks out with the translations, please let me know!

i studied spanish in high school, but it was a mix of mexican and castillian spanish because i had different teachers between the years. diving into cuban spanish, which is an entirely different dialect because of its history in the caribbean, has been really fun (and also a lot of work my god i haven't had to bust out my spanish in years). learning all the different curses has been sooooo cool, i love profanity in other languages.

that being said, i think it's really interesting when writing from keith's pov and incorporating language. i have this idea that when keith first moved in with the shiroganes, akemi and shiro tried to encourage him to go to korean school but he probably got embarrassed because he was put with a bunch of little kids due to his speaking ability and stopped going.

the linguistic and cultural barrier was fun to craft between keith and akemi because when they first met each other, keith probably spoke 0 japanese and akemi was more comfortable in japanese and less in english. from the flashback in chapter 12, we see that keith has already been studying hard to work to a conversational level of japanese, and he can understand basic phrases (akemi tries to accommodate him as well). even so, keith still uses 丁寧語 or teneigo, the standard level of politeness for japanese, when he's speaking with akemi. it shows that even though he's progressed in his japanese, he still puts some distance between him and akemi, like he sees himself as a long-term houseguest. ofc there's layers of respect that are interlaced with teneigo, but close family units don't use teneigo when they speak to each other.

this has been a disorganized and rambling behind the scenes of looking out for you act ii. thanks for tuning in and see y'all next time <3

#ao3 fanfic #voltron legendary defender #klance #college au #keith kogane #lance mcclain #takashi shirogane #adam voltron #hunk garrett #pidge holt #allura vld #adashi #behind the scenes

[mediaevalmusereads]

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. By Bessel Van Der Kolk. Penguin, 2014.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: nonfiction, psychology, psychiatry, mental health, trauma studies

Part of a Series? No

Summary: Trauma is a fact of life. Veterans and their families deal with the painful aftermath of combat; one in five Americans has been molested; one in four grew up with alcoholics; one in three couples have engaged in physical violence. Such experiences inevitably leave traces on minds, emotions, and even on biology. Sadly, trauma sufferers frequently pass on their stress to their partners and children.

Renowned trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk has spent over three decades working with survivors. In The Body Keeps the Score, he transforms our understanding of traumatic stress, revealing how it literally rearranges the brain’s wiring—specifically areas dedicated to pleasure, engagement, control, and trust. He shows how these areas can be reactivated through innovative treatments including neurofeedback, mindfulness techniques, play, yoga, and other therapies. Based on Dr. van der Kolk’s own research and that of other leading specialists, The Body Keeps the Score offers proven alternatives to drugs and talk therapy—and a way to reclaim lives.

***Full review below.***

Content Warnings: discussions (including graphic descriptions) of war, violence, murder, abuse, rape, self-harm, suicide

Since this book is non-fiction, my review will be structured a little differently than usual.

Full disclosure: I didn’t research the author before deciding to read this book. I am now aware of the controversy that resulted in his firing, as well as the allegations that the executive director at his trauma center was particularly hostile to female employees. My favorable review of this book is in no way an endorsement of the author’s actions, and I am still wrestling with how to handle good work (that is meant to help people and advance our understanding of mental health) created by problematic (and allegedly abusive) people.

Review: I picked this book up on a whim while browsing at a local independent bookstore, but I also do have a personal interest in the subject; one of my family members has some trauma in his past, and I was interested in learning more about how trauma works. As an educational tool, this book looked promising; not only is it incredibly thorough, but it explores multiple approaches to trauma (rather than championing just one). As a began reading, I found myself more and more engrossed in the book's contents, and I believe it is because the information is so well-presented. In particular, I liked the way the author explained complex scientific concepts without talking down to the reader. As a former academic, I often get frustrated with pop science for oversimplifying, and this book felt like it was respecting my intelligence. Although I have no background in neuroscience or psychology, I felt like the author trusted me to grasp the basics without coming across as impatient or belittling. For that reason more than any other, I think I got a lot out of this book.

I also appreciated the scope of this book. The Body Keeps the Score I'd comprised of 20 chapters organized into 5 parts. Part 1 talks about the history of trauma studies and treatment; part 2 overviews what happens in the brain of a traumatized individual; part 3 looks at child development and trauma; part 4 looks at how trauma affects memory; and part 5 explores paths to recovery. Though I am sure the author left some things out, this book felt like a comprehensive introduction and overview to trauma studies, and I appreciated having so much information in one place. Given that this book was published in 2014, I'm sure that psychology and neuroscience has made large strides, so it should be noted that some information may be dated. But even so, this book is a fascinating snapshot of the evolution of our understanding of trauma and its treatment.

All that being said, I do have a few criticisms which prevent me from giving this book a full 5 stars. The first is that there are some moments in this book where a reader might forget that the author is writing as an academic and not an activist or advocate; ordinarily, I don't think that would be a problem, but for casual readers, the author's tone or failure to condemn horrific acts committed by his patients may come across as callous. I also think there are bits in this book that can be repetitive; as a reader, I found that I would read the same point in multiple chapters, and I think the author could have streamlined his message just a bit more. I also think the constant deferral of information to later chapters can be a tad chaotic, and for some people, not having information strictly organized can be frustrating.

Still, I think this book is a valuable overview to trauma and mental health, and while I wouldn't recommend it to people who may still be triggered by graphic depictions of violence, assault, etc. I would recommend it to people looking to understand trauma from a scientific perspective.

[ineffably-human]

Have not checked the tags, have not even touched everyone else's reaction to the leaks with a pinky toe bc I suspect I'm gonna disagree with some of the louder consensus. but I'm stuck on something and I need to emote loudly under the cut and see who presses the little heart button to concur so uh.

I WILL BE TALKING ABOUT WWDITS 4x9 AND 4x10 IN DETAIL UNDER THE CUT, sourced from watching/reading other summaries/doing some google transcript schenanigans. BE WARNED this is not spoiler safe and so I will only be using the leak tag for now. I also think a lot of context must get lost in translation (it certainly did with Pine Barrens) so I am taking certain things with a grain of salt.

I had learned some stuff about 4x9 already and suspected Nandor was gonna do a dick move. I was actually pleasantly surprised for several reasons and could see this as an element of character development and growth but we're not gonna dwell on that rn because speaking of character development lol:

episode 10. Guillermo in episode 10. okay okay okay like-

We're supposed to be frustrated with the vampires' stagnation as much as Guillermo is. Deeply sad, even. We are. Returning to sitcom reset is upsetting when three of our four vampires have spent as long as we've known them in a state of dissatisfaction. This is a vicious cycle, and it's a squandering of immortality. Reading interviews about the writers' attitude towards keeping the series new and different I really, really doubt the answer to the season-long question of 'does nurture matter, is change possible?' is just 'nope' with no additions. And Colin's challenge to Laszlo about why he doesn't do something about this just reinforces that, to me.

But Guillermo sat around suppressing himself patiently for ten years, holding his life in limbo, until the slayer stuff forced his hand. Since then he's: learned he has supernatural powers, had two to three rapid-fire job changes, had his life in danger multiple times, was imprisoned for a month, gained a huge amount of confidence, learned both stick- and sword-fighting, undeniably evolved his relationship with Nandor, was forced to spend a year in another country, embraced his sexuality, embezzled a huge amount of money, had and lost his first real relationship, reunited with/came out to his biological family, and helped raise a child. Not to mention all the supernatural things going on around him at all times.

That's more change than a lot of people deal with their entire lives. That's enough change in a four to five year period to give a lot of people a toxic level of PTSD stress. And he feels like he's stuck?

Is his real problem that the others haven't evolved to meet him, that it's much easier for them to slip back into their old bullshit? I can see that. Everything he did for them this season didn't matter, is starting to fade like a passing whim. (Just like the absolute HUGE swerve of the s3 ending turning into everyone being exactly where we left them, in Guillermo's case literally. More and more, I'm realizing just how cyclical this season was, because this show has a lot of subtle brilliance like that.) He's not left out anymore but he feels like none of it matters.

But like... He still wants to be a vampire. He still wants to be a vampire even if it's alone with Derek, Derek who is literally a guy working in a dead end job (as in, the way Guillermo started) who also just happens to be a vampire, and who made it clear he was miserable without company. Even seeing how everyone else is stuck in place. Even comfortable in his body, in his sexuality, having powers that will probably not work as well if he's turned, recently reuniting with a family that freaks out at the presence of a vampire. Even seeing how other vampires stay in place, even with that being basically the reason he leaves. Not loving the vampires enough to stay with them, when he was referring to Nadja as family three episodes ago, but not loving everything he's become as a human enough to keep that either.

Gigi, I need to study you under a microscope. What the fuck do you want and do YOU even know and what do you plan to do with the things you want if you get them? Because every time I think I know what direction you're going in, you move exactly opposite to my expectation. And I think I get why this is the cliffhanger for the season, I think I know where this is going, but it's driving me crazy - and feels like a failure of writing - that I can't grok anything about why is Guillermo de la Cruz on the road to what comes next.

#wwdits leaks #here there be leaks #seriously spoilers so many spoilers #but i have used a cut like a civilized human being uwu

[sccoobydoobers]

linda as a therapist for literally everyone in the show is pretty flawed. yes, she can give perspective on supernatural matters but even her friends outside of the know (ella) go to her when they need the advice of a therapist. feel free to correct me on this but with my vague memory I at least know its highly unprofessional to take on a patient (fully booked and everything I presume) who you know personally or even just, has a impression in your life. as this can very much effect how you treat them and the help you give to them even if you don't mean it too.

lucifer being linda's paitent was obviously highly unethical at the start but eventually they develop into a more professional-friend kind. where still, it is unethical as eventually linda DOES fall into a relationship with lucifer's brother. who was an antagonist of sorts during at least season 1's sessions.

at some point i'd think between seasons 2-3 she starts writing the book about lucifer's therapy sessions and his life, given the book was on its completed first draft and we are shown it at least half way through at some point. and, if you dont know, writing a whole book (especially as long as linda's) takes a LONG time.

meaning, at any point in that time linda could've stepped back and thought: 'this is highly unethical and maybe I should at least get the permission of everyone who im using their private therapy sessions.' its a very simple yet, it couldve changed the whole direction of the book from being the simplified cliches of everyone to more realistic versions of the people.

linda takes advantage of lucifer while doing this, really, as when lucifer finds out about this book, he is thrilled. he is excited because it will be the first book to ever have an accurate representation of him.

And I think later, when everyone reads the book and finds out the contents are a really bad fanfiction of their lives, Lucifer is a bit disappointed. I mean, its supposed to be the first book to portray him in a light most accurate to him, and the book doesn't even end up doing that!

I also want to add that everyone gets mad at lucifer because of their portrayals in the book. When, in fact, they should've at least placed part of the blame on linda, the person who wrote the book. instead of taking literally every word of it to heart. (this post goes into it in more detail!)

Lucifer is, at times (a lot of the time), an unreliable narrator. Because he is made to always tell the truth, something that could be world-ending for Earth might not be important at all to him because x reason etc etc.

(example: the whole mira/rory thing - it didn't occur to him to mention to chloe that this supposed child of him is half angel because that genuinely wasnt important to him and didn't seem relevant to the occasion. chloe then gets pissy at him for this so the more you know)

I'm gonna say something that's pretty obvious but needs to be said: linda is not the group's therapist. of course, she is lucifer's highly unethical therapist. but she is not everyone elses. no one else is shown to have regular one on one sessions with her. apart from maybe ella & maze a couple times and the others are super rare.

her knowing and giving this guidance to her friends is really that. an act of their friendship that they trusted her to give good advice on how to deal with their obviously very stressful and traumatic lives.

then for her to turn around and write it into a book (probably turned book series given how long its said to be) which will be accessed but not only the general public, but also people outside of the know that close to them. like chloe's mother, ella's family, dan's parents etc etc.

that is a horrible thing. even if their families don't read the book, other people will.

imagine ella's distant cousin reads the books after it becomes popular for some reason, connects the dots. then suddenly ella's family are asking if she really had a serial killer for a boyfriend and can imagine the way a person dies perfectly from just seeing the scene and and and

dan is also very dead. at least legally dead. will dan's parents be contacted before the publishing of the book to ask for permission? probably not.

- (it would be funny to think if this is the downfall of the book. dan's parents suing this random stranger who claims to be their dead son's therapist for writing him in a book that hugely slanders and makes fun of him)

this will also affect their professional lives. all of sudden everyone they ever meet will have readily accessible detailed accounts of their lives for the past 5 years, their traumas, their ambitions everything about them at the fingertips of coworkers, employers, bosses, whatever.

even just a snippet of the book (it will most likely gain popularity with lucifer's reputation + the fact more that 50% of the cast for it will be cops) would be very insightful towards the point of view and personal information of everyone involved.

its a breach of privacy, a betrayal of trust and a destroyer to any lives the main cast could possibly lead after the publication. the storyline and concept sucks.

#anti dr linda martin #below the cut is a more detailed rant about the book linda writes and how shes really making some questionable decisions with this #lucifer netflix #anti chloe decker #anti deckerstar #lucifer morningstar #dan espinoza #ella lopez #dr linda martin #mazikeen smith #amenadiel #mazikeen #my post #bad therapists #rory morningstar #therapists in media #to clarify i have very limited information on therapist practises. more on the physical medic side of knowledge #hence: doctor ethics #1am posting #long post #rant #meta