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justimagineok · 8 months

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love you to everything || part 1

summary: "Love you to everything" is an expression that signifies loving someone in such a profound and complete way that the sentiment encompasses all things and moments in life. It's a love that transcends the boundaries of time and space, uniting two individuals in a manner that is truly special and indescribable. It's a promise of devotion and a reminder that this love is unconditional and eternal, permeating every aspect of their existence. It's a poetic way of saying that the love between two people is vast and all-encompassing, touching every part of the world around them.

recommend song: holding a heart by Toby Lightman

lyte Playlist

tw: mentions of death, angst, mentions of hospital

masterlist >>> part 1 (outro)

"so... how much time do I have?"

The sterile scent of the hospital room hung heavy in the air, and if you could hold your breath until you got out of there, you would but unfortunately, there's only so much that a few years of swimming lessons could do. You sat on the edge of the clinical bed, your eyes glued on the floor. Maybe if you stared at it long enough everything around you would disappear.

The doctor glanced at the chart in his hand before meeting your eyes and, boy, his eyes were too worried to have read good news.

"I wish I could give you different news, YN. But with the progression we're seeing, I'd estimate you have about two, maybe three months."

Oh shit.

This was real.

It was really happening.

Two or three months. In two or three months you would become a statistic. In two or three months you would be dead. It was a cruel short span.

"And the disease?" your voice was barely a whisper, afraid that if you spoke out loud it would become even more real.

The doctor sighed, his expression reflecting the gravity of the situation. "It's an aggressive form of a rare autoimmune disorder. It attacks the body's vital systems, destroying cells and tissues at an alarming rate. It's relentless, and unfortunately, there's no known cure at this stage."

Wow.

What are the chances of doctors from all over the world coming together in the next two months to resolve this small situation? The same chances you had of surviving: none.

Why would mortal and finite humans feel this way when they learned of their almost imminent death? You knew you wouldn't live forever. You just had no idea you would be gone so soon.

You felt a lump form in your throat, choking back the tears that threatened to spill over.

"H-how could this happen so fast?"

The doctor's gaze softened, but offered little comfort. "It was there all along, but sometimes, these diseases progress with a swiftness that is both shocking and devastating. I wish I had better answers, YN. I am really sorry."

You nodded at his words, letting the horrible news fight to sink into your head.

"Do you have someone you'd like to call? Support can make all the difference in times like these.", he continued, but as he finished the question, you felt your phone vibrating. It was him. Impecable timing.

You hesitated for a moment, then pressed the answer button, the screen illuminating with your boyfriend's name.

"Hey, Kook" , you couldn't hide the relief in your tone. It was like he felt how much you needed him at that moment. Even though, Jungkook had no idea where or why you were there.

"Morning, baby," Jungkook's voice, warm and familiar, flooded through the line. "You left me in bed and didn't even tell me you were leaving... where are you?"

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, but you held it the best you could. The doctor watched with understanding eyes, giving you a nod of encouragement. You managed a small, apologetic smile before turning your attention back to the call." I'm at the grocery store, Kook. You know how these lines works, but I'll be home soon.", The lie felt heavy on your tongue, but it was all you could muster at that moment. You turned back to the doctor, who wore a slight frown in his face.

"Listen, it's almost my turn so I have to go", you almost laughed at the irony of the phrase. It would be funny if it wasn't so morbid and so real. "Can we talk in a bit?"

Jungkook laughed, knowing how much you hated standing in those huge supermarket lines. You always came home with revolutionary ideas on how to end such long lines and Jungkook was amazed at how you managed to never repeat the same idea. In his eyes, you were fantastic. An event of nature. A miracle he has to love. His miracle stone. "Of course, baby, I see you at home. Love you to everything."

Till death too?, you thought to yourself.

"I love you everything, Kook."

"You know," you whispered, "I've never felt happier than I do right now, with you."

Jungkook's eyes sparkled as his face blushed. "I feel the same way, baby."

You both sat on the bench, Jungkook's fingers entwined with yours, as you gaze stayed on the horizon. You would miss the view. You leaned into Jungkook, your head resting on his shoulder.

It wasn't unusual for the two of you to be like this. Together looking at nothing. Not for nothing, for the horizon. Jungkook with your chaotic and busy life and you with your mundane work and demands that seemed to never end, felt great peace in being like this: tangled up with each other, for hours, often without saying anything. You were content to listen to Jungkook's calm breathing as he relaxed as he felt his weight pinning him to the ground. With a more than busy life, Jungkook used to feel like he was floating, like a human being slowly becoming a ghost, a shell of himself, but with you, he felt like your presence kept him where he was supposed to be. Having you leaning against him brought the comforting feeling that he wasn't going anywhere. Not without you. Unfortunately you couldn't say the same about you

You knew the truth, the cruel fate that awaited for you. You knew that moments like that with him would become more rare as the disease spread, but you made up your mind to enjoy it for as long as you could. You knew the truth, but couldn't bear to shatter Jungkook's heart. Not his.

You and him walked hand in hand back to your shared apartment, and you could feel your body signaling for you to get some rest. The doctor said it would be like that, but only getting worse. You felt like you were walking through quicksand. Jungkook reprimanded you earlier for not eating enough, but you just shrugged it off, but the truth was that your body seemed to reject sustenance. You threw up the whole week at work right after work and you couldn't risk doing it in front of him. You could say it was a flu or something, but you didn't want to lie to him. Not that omitting was better than that.

You leaned against your boyfriend as you got closer to home. In the past few days, you found yourself leaning on Jungkook more than ever. You would nestle into him, your head finding its familiar place on his shoulder. In those moments, you knew you could let your guard down and let the weight of your illness momentarily lift. Jungkook always held you close, his touch a silent promise that he wasn't going anywhere. At least not him. Finally inside your home, you curled up beside Jungkook on the couch, your fingers tracing the patterns of his pretty tattoos. Jungkook loved when you did that, but he also couldn't ignore the subtle change in your behavior. He turned to you, his eyes curious. "Is something on your mind?"

His sudden question got out of guard and you hesitated, not quite knowing what to say. "I'm just... cherishing the moment, Kook. Lost in thought, you know?"

Jungkook nodded, though he couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. He leaned closer, determined to bring back the happiness that usually danced in your eyes. "You know, I read somewhere that penguins mate for life. Isn't that crazy? Imagine being stuck with the same person forever," he joked, hoping to get a laugh and probably get a little punch from you. This wasn't the best time for a joke about lifelong things.

You forced a faint laugh, but it didn't reach your eyes. Jungkook gently nudged your shoulder. "Come on, baby, you can tell me anything. We face everything together, remember?"

You remained silent.

"c'mon, YN, why are you avoinding me? What's is going on?"

"I'm not avoiding you, Kook", you answered still not look him in the eye, but Jungkook wasn't having it. He kneeled in front of you, forcing you to look at him.

"yes, you are. You can't even look me in the eye and you never did that before. Why are you acting like that?"

For that, you couldn't sit still anymore, so you stood up, leaving a confused look in your boyfriend's eyes. "I can't meet your expectations everytime, Jungkook.", you answered with a cold voice. I can't even meet the average lifetime spam, you thought to yourself. "I act different for a few days and suddenly i'm avoinding you? I got busy, alright? There's a lot going on right now, so quit asking me that."

Jungkook was stunned. You never talked like that to him, not even in your worst fights. Why did you even mean with meet his expectations? He never expected anything from you. Except your love, of course. Was that it? Were you falling out of love with him? Were you with somebody else? That's why you couldn't look him in the eye? That thought crossed his mind so quickly and Jungkook regretted it as soon as it happened. He trusted you with his life and knew that you wouldn't do something to him. He didn't know if he was talking or thinking out loud because it seemed like you could see right through him. You kneeled in front of him, touching his fluffy hair.

" You're my rock, Kook. But some things... we have to face alone."

Jungkook couldn't be more lost. You were just fine these past few days, weren't you? What was happening?

What would you have to face alone?

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