#My interests change a lot but never leave

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being honest about what I would change about my boyfriend?

🥊🥊

I’m a cis guy (22m) and I have a boyfriend that’s transgender (20m). We’ve been together for 2 years.

My boyfriend is a very cute guy and he gets hit on a lot in queer spaces tbh. even by lesbians, and they fully see him as a guy. He’s just very sweet and approachable I guess. A lot of people tell him he’s super attractive and I agree, but there are just certain things about his body that don’t appeal to me.

We were at a friend’s birthday party. People got drunk, I was tipsy. We played this game that was like cards with questions about relationships/love/intimacy on them and the whole group would discuss.

One of the questions was something along the lines of "If you could change anything about your partner, what would it be?" Or whatever.

Now, I went first and said I’d probably make him less hairy and get rid of the dark spots in his crotch area and his acne scars. He has some discoloration around his private areas from a rash he got when he was like 13 and some faint scarring from pimples I guess. It’s not an issue, but definitely not my preference. Plus he can’t really shave clean down there because he has thick hair and it always makes him get those razor burn bumps or whatever. Fine by me, he’s hot as hell either way.

Plus, he has a lot of discoloration around his shoulders, back, chest and face from severe acne outbreaks from his puberty and then later again when he started taking testosterone. It’s calmed down a lot, but the scarring is still very prominent. It’s not an issue, just not very pretty to look at.

Please don’t get me wrong. He’s an incredibly attractive person, I just wish his skin was a little prettier. It’s a bit of a turnoff, that’s all. It never stopped me from being absolutely enamored with him.

But when I explained this, a little less explicitly than this of course, the group went dead silent. Everyone was staring at me, some of the girls even clasped their hands over their mouths etc.

When I looked at my boyfriend he was completely pale and was just blankly staring at me before getting up and saying he needs to pee. I just said okay and then gave the card to the person next to me. She very quietly said she’d take away her girlfriend’s anxiety because it hurts her to see the person she loves like that. That’s when it sort of dawned on me that I messed up and that I was way out of line for saying these things in front of our friends.

He apparently left soon after that, which I only found out through a friend. I was a little confused but figured he was just a little embarrassed. We don’t live together, so it isn’t unusual for one of us to leave before the other. But then I found out that his best friend left with him because he was sobbing and couldn’t stop.

I tried calling him and texting him for multiple hours and didn’t want to overstep any boundaries by just popping up at his home, so I gave up and eventually went home. That was two days ago and I still haven’t heard from him. He’s usually a very clingy and noisy person and always sends me small updates throughout the day, but I haven’t heard anything from him the entire time.

I’m so scared. I love this guy so much, he’s the sweetest and the single most interesting person I’ve ever met in my life. I know he has a lot of severe insecurity issues around his body, especially regarding his scarring. But it’s all gotten a lot better in recent months and he even began to love how hairy he is because it makes him feel euphoric.

Now I can’t help but feel like I took that away from him because of some stupid game. But at the same time, I don’t think it was fair for him to just up and leave without talking to me. We could’ve talked it out and I just wish he would communicate with me.

I already know I was a bit out of line for this, but I just tend to be uncomfortably honest. He knows this and loves me for it, so I’m confused why he’s THIS upset about this one. He’s never gone this long without talking to me.

Am I the asshole? I was just playing the game. I don’t think it’s fair to call me cruel for this just because other people are scared to be honest and say shit like they’d take away their partner’s mental illness. It’s so fake and that shit just pisses me off. Everyone has something they would change about their partner’s appearance.

#aita #am i the asshole

[starlostseungmin]

husband!minho

✰ notes: third entry of my husband!skz series and as for who won the poll, it’s minho’s turn!! minor warning: sex is mentioned but nothing happened!! i hope you guys enjoy!! not proofread. DO NOT FORGET TO REBLOG, COMMENT AND LEAVE TAGS! thank you <33

chan （ lee know ） changbin | hyunjin | han | felix | seungmin | jeongin

ꔛ

Husband Minho who asked, “Will you be the mother of my three kids?” instead of “Will you marry me?” on one random afternoon when you were both playing with his cats at his parents’ house. It served as his proposal and gave you a jingle ball because he didn’t have a ring with him at that time. 

Husband Minho who used to be a tsundere and nonchalant person but later changed into a fully affectionate bunny the moment he fell for you. 

Husband Minho who got emotional during the wedding day but tried to hold his tears back since it was expected that his friends would tease him later. He gave up eventually and cried when you slow danced with him at the reception. 

Husband Minho who teased you a lot but in a loving way. He tends to be a menace sometimes but it wasn’t bad. Your big baby just loves to play with you. 

Husband Minho who pretends to be annoyed when you ask for a kiss but deep inside he wants to smother you with all the love you deserve. Eventually, he couldn’t keep it to himself so he cuddles you with lots and lots of kisses. 

Husband Minho who spoils you with his five Michelin-star cooking skills and serves you high-quality food. He is the happiest when you compliment him and finish everything on your plate. 

Husband Minho who loves to drag you along when he goes camping and offers to take care of everything while you rest. He’d only ask for minor tasks from you to help him. 

Husband Minho who sends you weird selfies and cat pictures when you’re not together and says he misses you with the kids (his cats). 

Husband Minho who listens to your worries and gives constructive criticisms but at the same time he comforts you with the things you need to feel better. 

Husband Minho who loves to encourage you to do the things you want as long as it would benefit him and it’s not illegal. “The heart knows what it wants,” He said. “But let’s not go to jail shall we?”

Husband Minho who lets you burst out in anger while he stood there listening to everything. He’s not the type to baby you every time and will be civil when it comes to arguments knowing who is in the right and wrong. 

Husband Minho who will never allow you to sleep unless everything is resolved. He’d be sorry if it was his fault and be the cutest baby bunny that you can’t resist to forgive. This comes along with cuddles and kisses or makeup sex (if you’re both into it). 

Husband Minho whose love languages are acts of service, quality time, and words of affirmation. 

Husband Minho whom you swoon to over and over because of how handsome and cute he is. Never a day you’d miss complimenting him by which he’ll be all red and mushy from being shy. 

Husband Minho who got the interest of touching your butt out of his love and affection. 

Husband Minho who lays on top of you when he sees you lying down on your shared bed the moment he gets home because he’s tired and your presence makes him feel relaxed and secure.  He tends to bury his face in the crook of your neck. 

Husband Minho who is loud and dramatic in the most precious way. 

Husband Minho who never forgets important dates and will throw everything away just to spend time with you. 

Husband Minho who acts like a mother especially when you get sick and is stubborn. 

Husband Minho who is good with kids, and had asked you a few times if you want to have one with him but at the same time he doesn’t want to put pressure on your shoulders. He reassures that he can wait and doesn’t even mind if he spends his lifetime with you alone. 

Husband Minho who feels appreciated and loved when you tell him about the things he means to you and how much you are head over heels for him. 

Husband Minho who gets excited when you give him cat necessities. You wonder that he loves his cats more than you sometimes but he’d say you were equally receiving his love and affection. 

Husband Minho who doesn’t always say he loves you but rather says that you are his getaway from everything. It’s you and him against the world, nothing could replace you as you are his happy place and favorite person. The one who comes second after his cats and knows his priorities but you get the privilege. 

Husband Minho who loves you to the moon and back. 

Husband Minho who treasures you the most and the one he’d put first before everything. 

Husband Minho whom you’ll love for a lifetime, promised to never hurt, never leave, and never break his heart. 

✰ taglist: @notastraykid , @ameliesaysshoo , @l3visbby , @reignessance , @lix-ables , @skzfelixlove , @rachabreathing , @hyunverse , @minluvly , @sleepyleeji , @starseungs , @midsoulz , @oddracha , @armystay89

©️ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐌𝐈𝐍 , 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒.

#neverendingdreams #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids #stray kids fluff #skz imagines #skz fluff #stray kids reactions #stray kids headcanons #skz scenarios #skz headcanons #skz reactions #lee know imagines #skz lee know #lee know fluff #lee know scenarios #lee minho #lee know #skz lee minho #stray kids lee know #stray kids lee minho

[drakulana]

Hi there! I have a angst/comfort writing about Law x y/n so far and I want to muster up the courage to ask you about this:

Its a bit complicated and rather long, Reader's strugling with trust issues due to her past betrayal and exploitation. Law once despite everything saved her from danger and cured her, even though she really loves him, but when she was mentally unstable, she broke down and confided that he was just taking advantage of her, taking advantage of her feelings, denying how genuine his feelings for her were.

I want to see you write his reaction and everything that happens after that! Hope you have a great day💖

Thank you so much for the request! I'm sorry it took my so long to answer, life has been so crazy! I hope you enjoy it!! @hana-san

late night envy - law x reader

ᯓ★wc: 2.1k

ᯓ★content: angst/comfort, fighting, alcohol consumption

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.

It was a clear night. You could see every star in the sky. Your captain had given the crew the privilege of surfacing for the night due to a breakthrough on a research project everyone had been working on together. Earlier, all of the crew had been partying and drinking amongst one another. It wasn’t every night that they got to see the night sky, and breathe in the salty air. It was a nice change of scenery apart from the steel walls that kept them so close. 

The party that ensued was one that Penguin and Shachi had referred to as a “rager” consisting of loud music and drinking games that were only ever fun if you were intoxicated. Luckily, everyone was. It had been a while since the crew had got to drink together like this. Everyone was on the top deck, all except for one person. The captain, of course. It wasn’t uncommon for the captain not to indulge in their festivities, but he always showed his face for at least the first half hour. Tonight, to the dismay of everyone on the crew, he was not. Well, everyone except for you. The party was doing its job at distracting you from the burden of the situationship you held with the absent captain, more so the fight you had with him almost half a week ago. 

The relationship between you and Law was never supposed to happen. It blossomed out of the heat of the moment. Like two magnets, you couldn’t help but to gravitate towards one another. However recent events had made you fear that your polarity towards one another had been reversed. These days, Law was scarce. He had a lot on his plate, you knew that, but sometimes you couldn’t help but to feel as if it were personal. He was planning a solo mission soon, and cut you out of the whole research aspect all together. Anytime you would come into his office, he’d dismiss you soon after. Anytime you would try to aid him with any type of research, he would tell you that he could handle it on his own, giving you another task to uphold somewhere on the other side of the ship. How could you not take something like that personal? A few nights ago, you had confronted Law ending in a screaming match between the two of you. You asked him why he was avoiding you, and he denied it. You asked if he was no longer interested in you, and he said that you were reading too much into the situation. I am a captain, and a warlord. I have things on my plate you couldn’t possibly begin to understand. You can’t come in here and disrupt my work, trying to find petty answers to your own insecurities. The words that were said that night had stung, and Law knew he had overstepped. Before an apology could even leave his mouth, you had turned on your heel walking out of the office, slamming the door behind you. Law didn’t follow you, he never did. 

It was now half past two, and your crewmates had finally decided to start turning in for the night. It wasn’t long before the stragglers had left the deck to return back to their bunks. A few crewmates asked you if you were coming inside too, and you waved them off with a dismissive I’ll be there, soon. You didn’t want to turn in just yet, you wanted to sit with the ocean and it’s stars for a little longer. If you were lucky, you’d be able to see the sunrise. It was very rare to be able to see the morning hues of soft pinks, and oranges. A cool breeze wafted over your face, and you took a deep inhale in. It was quiet out here. You couldn’t hear the incessant buzzing of the lights, or the never ending humming of the engines below you. You didn’t feel confined between cold metal walls, and you felt like you could finally breathe. You had a lot on your mind tonight, and to feel just a little less claustrophobic helped ease your tormented mind. You were hoping to find some solace in the waves sloshing against the metal of the ship, and a bottle of sake you had hidden away earlier in the night.

It had been almost four days since you had last talked to Law. Any time you would see him in the halls, or during mealtimes, you would turn the other way. You weren’t going to chase after him, either. The way he made you feel that night was something you hadn’t felt in a long time. The argument made you feel unseen, unheard. All those times that you and Law had shared behind closed doors. All the deep personal talks you had with him, all the sweetness you had saved just for him, felt meaningless. 

 A waft of cold air hit your face, bringing you back to reality. The quiet black ocean aided you in your spiral. You felt as if he didn’t want you anymore. You didn’t know what you possibly could have done to deserve this cold shoulder from him. You took another swig from the bottle of sake that had set next to you on the cold steel deck. You were about half way through the bottle now. You didn’t know what time it was, or how long you had been out here. There were no signs of morning for the next few hours. The sky and the ocean were now just one vast darkness speckled with stars. Everyone inside was probably already asleep in their bunks by now. All but one person, your captain. He never slept the way he was supposed to. You knew he wasn’t asleep, and a small part of you tugged to go see him, but you knew with Law you could never come to him first. He would have to come to you, and usually he did within a day or so, but it had been almost four days now. You took a deep breath, you could feel the alcohol setting into your system. It weighed you down to your chair, slowly creeping into your legs. 

You concentrated on the sloshing of the water against the sides of the ship, trying to pry your thoughts away from the earlier events from the week. It was to no avail, though. You couldn’t help the whirlwind of memories, and the emotions attached to them from setting fire to your brain.  Like a movie behind your intoxicated eyes, it played. All the people you had met before you had been involved with the Heart Pirates, all the places you had gone. Everyone who had ever scorned you was now at the forefront of your mind. nasty words that you had been called, the mistreatment from all of your previous peers echoed against the walls of your skull. It was the creaking of a metal door that had transported you back into the present. You didn’t look behind you to know who it was, you could pick out those footsteps from anywhere. It was Law. You didn’t move, you just stared ahead holding your now almost empty sake bottle against you. You didn’t want to have the conversation you knew was pending in this state, so you simply did not engage. 

Law’s deep voice cut through the sloshing, “It’s late,” he simply stated. You rolled your eyes at the sound of his tone. The way Law spoke always held an assured certainty that only he could make sound natural, but now his words tasted bitter in your mouth and the certainty was replaced with a cockiness that you found unbecoming of Law. You usually didn’t think like this, you were intoxicated. Another reason you wished he would just turn around and go back to his chambers, maybe even go to sleep for once. Law approached behind you, “Still ignoring me?” You scoffed at his audacity. You ignoring him? He practically begged for it the way he talked to you four nights ago. Still, you didn’t let up. You didn’t even give him a word. He walked around into your view. He was wearing a long jacket, his usual jeans, and a white tee. Your eyes studied him. He didn’t look like he had slept, but that wasn’t surprising, he never slept. His hat was unusually missing, leaving his messy black hair ruffling in the slight breeze. It was dark out here, but the moon had lit up the sky enough for you to see him. You made eye contact with him, and you could see something behind his eyes that wasn’t typically there, remorse. Usually that remorse would eat away at your soul, and make you cave, but not tonight. You tore your eyes away from the man standing in front of you, as he let out a sigh. He took a seat next to you, eyeing the bottle in your lap. “You’ve drank��� a lot,” He reached over, taking the bottle from your grasp before setting it down on the other side of him. Again, the audacity. If you hadn’t been so drunk, you would’ve snatched it back, but there was no physical fight left in you at this point. 

The two of you sat in silence for a minute, before you heard Law take a huge breath, “Listen, you can’t just ignore-” he didn’t even finish the rest of his sentence before you had snapped your head towards him, cutting him off. “No, Law, you listen to me,” a surge of pain rushed to behind your eyes, only fueling your anger. A painful knot swelled up in your throat, “I understand that you are a warlord with a lot on your plate. I understand that the weight you pull is heavy, but that does not give you the right to be such a dick. If it’s space you need, then you got it, but don’t come out here badgering me about ignoring you when I can’t possibly begin to understand the things you have going on-” Law’s protest started to cut you off, but you didn’t give in, “No, don’t talk. I’m not finished. You had no place sitting there calling me insecure about your neglect whenever we hav-had some sort of relationship. I feel taken advantage of. Then you want to come out here and say that I’ve been ignoring you when I’m actually just giving you the space you so badly wanted? No,” at this point, you could feel the bile rising up in your throat, burning its way up your esophagus. It felt as if all the words that you had wanted to say were crawling up your throat pushing themselves out. You pushed yourself out of your seat, making a beeline to bend yourself over the side of the rails. Before you knew it, you were face to face with the black water emptying all of your stomach’s contents. Your legs shook underneath you, and you could feel Law behind you with his hands on your hips steadying your balance. You wanted to push him back away from you, but you hardly had the strength to hold yourself up anymore. It was frustrating feeling this weak in front of him after you had chewed him out, drunkenly. Once you were done, Law pulled you back up turning you to face him. “Let’s go inside, okay?” He asked you softly. It didn’t matter the protests you gave him, he was dragging you behind him staggering your way back into the ship. 

Once you were inside, Law led you back into his quarters. You were still mad at Law, and he knew that. He sat you down onto the bed digging out some clothes from his dresser laying them beside you, “Get changed, I’ll be right back,” He told you before shutting the door behind him. He returned when you were dressed with a bottle of water and two small white pills in his hand. “Take these, we’ll talk more in the morning,” He told you. You huffed and layed down in his bed, covering yourself with the blankets. Law looked at your figure before taking his jacket and his shoes off, “Can I lay with you?” He asked you, earning a small nod from you. Although you were mad, you couldn’t deny the comfort Law’s presence brought you. He crawled under the blankets, wrapping an arm around your drunken drowsy body, “You know I’m sorry, right?” He whispered to you, “I didn’t mean any of those things I said,” His hand trailed up and down your spine, putting pressure on certain places where he could tell knots were forming. Low hums fell from your mouth as he rubbed your back. You could feel your trepidation melting away as his fingers worked their way up to your shoulders. You finally let your eyes close, and let the heaviness of sleep take you. You would talk to Law in the morning, but for right now, the both of you were okay.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.

@drakulana 2024 // i do not give permission to copy, translate, or repost, any of my content without my consent

#one piece #trafalgar law #law x reader #one piece x reader #trafalgar d water law #one piece fan fic #trafalgar law x reader #one piece fan fiction #inbox ask #fic request

[slytherinsrule89]

Hii how are you? Love your blog 🎀

May i ask for a request of the boys dating someone from hufflepuff or other houses?

Byye 🌸

Hello lovely, I’m doing well and hope you are as well :) I’m so glad you love my writing and I’m glad you requested this

Slytherin boys x Hufflepuff!reader

Hufflepuff Reader :)

Tom

Tom was quite skeptical of you at first because you were a Hufflepuff but it was soon after he had learned just about everything about you that he had asked you out. Well more manipulation happened than actually asking you out, but you know whatever works. It took him a while to get used to your bubbly personality and positive attitude but he managed, just so that he could say that your beautiful face belonged to him and only him. As we all know he’s quite possessive so when you are talking to your friends or even just strangers, with that great big smile of yours, he’s always there watching. Making sure that if the person you’re talking to even steps a toe out of line he will be behind you in an instant. You guys were an unpredicted couple that no one would have ever guessed but somehow you two still made it work. Plus it’s not like Tom would ever let you leave him.

Blaise

Blaise had a soft spot for Hufflepuffs. He liked their positive personality and hardworking dedication. So it wasn’t much of a surprise when Blaise had started to fancy you. He had asked you out as soon as possible and when you agreed with that kind smile you always wore he was ecstatic. Blaise had poured his whole heart and soul into that date and it was a start to a great relationship with him. He’d often sit with you in the library when you’d help tutor the younger students. Always watching and admiring how good you were with people. Doing it all with such grace and confidence. Something Blaise admired about you the most was how humble you were. Most of the guys in his house were constantly bragging about this and that constantly trying to one up each other. So when he noticed you were quite the opposite he got comfortable with you quite quickly.

Theo

Originally Theo had only been talking to the Hufflepuffs to get some weed for the Slytherin parties and well, his own personal use too. But never once did he expect to come across you. When you had first started talking to each other Theo had made it clear to everyone that you were his only. Even before you guys started dating.He had a tendency to go a bit quiet when there were a lot of people in the room and a lot of talking. So when you guys finally started dating and he had realized just how much people enjoy talking to you on a daily basis he was a bit quiet. You were quick to pick up on it though and reassured him a lot. Eventually though Theo had gotten used to it and actually admired how kind and helpful you were to everyone. And it also wasn’t long before Theo grew comfortable enough to talk more while you were with friends. Theo was always cheered up at the way you face lit up when he had talked along with you and your friends and had simply talked more just to see it.

Mattheo

Mattheos first encounter with you was interesting to say the least. He had just finished a fight and was up in the Astronomy towers smoking a couple cigarettes to calm himself down. That was when you had come up there and saw him frowning at his busted up knuckles and his cut lip. You were quick to take out your small first-aid kit and sit him down on the ground of the tower quickly cleaning him up. He was shocked of course, being the dark lord's son and all he wasn’t used to this treatment but quickly learned to enjoy it. When he realized how much he craved to be near you all the time he was quick to ask you out and make it a special night as well. The whole time after that first date Mattheo started noticing the smaller things about you. Like how much you valued your friends, how loyal you were, and just how pure you heart was. He enjoyed the change in pace and didn’t want it any other way.

Enzo

Enzo had had a few Hufflepuff friends that he’d hang around with when he got tired of the Slytherins rowdiness. One day when he was with his few Hufflepuff friends in their common room, he met you. You were very kind to him right off the bat and drew him in like a magnet without even trying. Enzo knew right away that he wanted to be with you and didn’t waste any time asking you to be his girlfriend. When you happily agreed Enzo did everything in his power to be the best of the best boyfriend. While Enzo thought all Hufflepuffs were more of perfect beings he wasn’t too far off but one thing he did notice is when you put others above yourself but he had no part in that. He started quickly making sure that you made time for yourself and weren’t stretching yourself too wide for other people. Something he’d do for the rest of your lives with no fault.

I really enjoyed writing it and am quite happy with how it turned out. Hope you all enjoy 😊

#slytherin boys #slytherin #theo nott #:) <33 #blaise zabini #lorenzo berkshire #tom riddle #mattheo riddle #hufflepuff #hufflepuff!reader #x reader

[gayriddleussy]

(i got the idea from @chainsawcadet !) (sorry if this sucks, it's short bc im kinda rushed rn)

You were preparing the library for the kids event that was about to start, minorly stressed because the person that was supposed to be reading to the kids had called out so you needed to find a replacement soon. Trying to reach one of the books on the top shelf you stood on your tippy toes but still couldn't reach.

“Want some help?” You turned around and saw the source of the voice, he was tall and muscular with black hair and a white streak in the front.

“Yes please,” You moved so he could grab the book.

The man grabbed the book down and handed it to you.

“Thank you,” You said “Hey I've seen you around here a good bit but I've never caught your name”

“It's Jason,” He responded.

Wait…

“Wait you're Jason Todd?” You asked, shocked that someone that famous was someone you saw regularly.

“Yeah, don't go around telling everyone though. I like my privacy.” Jason scratched the back of his head.

“Oh no I won't” You smiled, but then you had an idea “Hey we're getting ready for a free book reading for kids and the reader just called out, would you mind reading to them?”

Jason thought about it for a second.

“What does it entail?”

“You'd just have to read two to three short stories for some kids, show them the pictures and stuff” you responded

“You know what, sure” Jason agreed making you smile widely

“Great! Here, let's go to the kids section so you can pick out what you wanna read” You lead him to the kids section.

Looking over the books Jason spotted one and picked it up.

“I'm a lot like batman” He read the title out loud.

“That ones interesting, I don't see why you'd wanna be like batman” You said, cocking your head to the side.

This made Jason smile slightly as he put the book in the read pile.

After choosing two more books Jason made his way to the carpet area where he saw a bunch of kids sitting on the floor. Jason made his way to the front of the room and sat on the chair that was placed there.

It was a little awkward at first but after Jason got into it he was good, he played into the role well, he changed the pitch of his voice for the different characters and you could tell the children loved it.

After he finished all the books the kids thanked him and he smiled brightly.

"Wow they really loved you" you made your way over to Jason after the kids had left.

"Well when my little brother was tiny I used to read to him a lot, I've always loved reading." Jason told you "Oh yeah I never got your name."

You told him your name and he smiled.

"Well see you later" He slipped past you to leave

"Wait!" You stopped him

Jason turned to look at you and raised an eyebrow

"Can I get your number?" You asked, blushing at your boldness

Smiling, Jason grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down his number before handing it to you

"See ya around princess" And with that Jason left, leaving you to stand there in shock

#fanfic #fanfiction #dc comic #jason todd x you #jason todd x reader #jason todd

[babygirl-diaz]

Can't stop thinking about an omega tommy being lonely all those years thinking maybe he's just too unloveable to be mated and not good enough because he doesn't have the typical omega physique that every alpha want in an omega and that until he met Evan😌

Oh my god, anon, now I can't stop thinking about it either. My hand slipped and I wrote it as a fic 😅

Also a special thanks to @sarastars for also giving me the ideas for this fic!

Also, sorry for making Tommy so out of character.

***

Tommy knew he would never find an alpha. He wasn't built like a typical omega. In fact, he was reminded of that every day at the 118 firehouse.

"Hey, Tommy!"

Tommy sighed, stopped loading the dishwasher, and got up. "Yeah, Deluca?"

"Bet you're used to bending, huh?" Deluca teased and made crude thrusting motions with his hips, but then he stopped and pouted at him. "Oh wait, you don't have anyone to bend for! How sad is that?" And then Deluca and his pals were laughing while high-fiving each other.

Tommy gritted his teeth and walked away without saying a word. He just wanted to leave this place. Go somewhere where he is actually respected.

"Don't let them get to you."

Tommy looked up from where he was sitting on the bench outside and saw Hen giving him a sympathetic look.

"They treat you worse and you're an alpha," Tommy pointed out and moved to make space for Hen.

"Yeah, that's true," Hen agreed and sat down. "They just want people to fit in a certain mold and when they don't-"

"-they make their lives a living hell," Tommy finished her sentence for her. "Do you ever wish you could work somewhere else?"

"I don't think it's any better anywhere else," Hen shrugged.

"I am more optimistic and think there is someplace out there where no matter who you are, you are treated right," Tommy replied.

***

"Hey, handsome."

Someone greeted Tommy and he looked up from his drink to see a beautiful brunette with gray eyes standing next to him giving him a flirtatious look.

He was currently having drinks at the bar with his teammates and to have a beautiful woman's attention on him in front of them flustered him.

"Do you mind if we talk in private? Away from your friends?" The woman asked biting her bottom lip. "I bet an alpha like you could show me a good time."

Laughter suddenly rang through the table, making Tommy cringe.

"Sweetheart, if you're looking for alpha then he ain't it," one of his teammates, Andy, told the woman.

The woman looked confused for a second before her eyes widened. "Ew! You're an omega?"

Tommy felt his heart shatter in a million pieces.

"You look so deceptive. Maybe stop taking steroids to make yourself look like an alpha," the woman huffed and walked away.

And then Tommy was left with his laughing teammates.

"She really thought you were an alpha!" Deluca teased.

"Yeah, maybe stop taking steroids, Tommy," another teammate, Gary, teased him as well and laughed.

Tommy wanted the Earth to swallow him whole but he had no such luck.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and saw Howard giving him a sympathetic look.

***

When Tommy could finally transfer to the 217, he felt like he could breathe. The 217 were a lot better. There were a few who teased him but it wasn't as bad as it was in the 118.

But then, years down the line, he was forced to transfer back to the 118. It wasn't his choice, but their firehouse ironically caught fire and the place had to be shut down, with everyone transferred to different stations. Since Tommy had a history there, they transferred him back to the 118.

Things had changed at the 118, though. Many of the alphas that he worked with were gone but Deluca was still there, much to Tommy's chagrin.

There were a few fresh faces there but one in particular piqued Tommy's interest: Evan Buckley.

Evan was a young, cocky guy, who seemed like he was a bit of an asshole but Tommy kind of dug that. Evan mostly stayed to himself but sometimes Tommy found him giving him looks he couldn't quite decipher.

But then something happened one day that made Tommy realize Evan wasn't any better either.

Tommy was about to go home and he had parked his car next to Evan's jeep. So when Evan approached him, Tommy thought nothing of it. That is until Evan cornered Tommy against his car.

"Hey, whoa, I don't want any trouble, okay?" The words left Tommy's mouth before he could stop himself. He was always so used to being defensive.

Evan smirked and said, "You're so hot, Tommy. I've been admiring you from day one."

Tommy frowned when he heard that. So Evan was even more cruel than the others. At least they didn't play with his feelings.

Evan pressed Tommy further against his car and Tommy felt his heart racing. "You're such a pretty omega. So fucking breedable." Evan's breath ghosted next to Tommy's ear, making him shiver. "Can't believe you're not already taken but maybe that's because you were waiting for me."

Tommy felt like crying. He hated being toyed with like this. "Please stop."

"Why?" Evan whispered breathlessly in his ear.

Instead of answering Tommy pushed Evan away and got into the car and left.

***

Tommy knew he was close to his next heat. But it was a few days away so he went to work anyway.

Before work, as he changed his clothes in the locker room, he felt a presence behind him.

"Hey, Tommy." It was Deluca.

Tommy sighed, put on his shirt, and turned around to face him. "Yeah, Deluca?"

There was something different about Deluca today. He had a small smile, and his features were soft. "Listen, I just- I wanted to apologize for treating you like trash for all these years."

Tommy was taken aback by that. "Uh what?"

"Yeah, but I was mean to you for a reason," Deluca said rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "I have feelings for you."

Tommy thought he heard wrong. Because there is no way Deluca of all people just admitted that he had feelings for him. "What?"

Deluca stepped closer to him. "I've had feelings for you for the longest time. But I was in a relationship. I couldn't do anything about it so I treated you horribly instead."

Tommy's heart started racing. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Deluca took a few more steps towards Tommy, trapping him against the lockers. He reached out to touch Tommy's cheek, who flinched at the gesture.

"You're so beautiful," Deluca continued to say.

The omega in Tommy was giving in to the touch. He couldn't help the whimper he let out.

Deluca put one hand on Tommy's waist and leaned in to bury his face in Tommy's neck.

Tommy's heart threatened to burst out of his chest. "W-what about your wife?"

"We're separated," Deluca replied and kissed Tommy's scent gland.

Tommy suddenly felt warm all over and slick started running down his thighs.

"Shit, you're in a heat," Deluca said and squeezed Tommy's waist.

Shit, having an alpha so close sent him into a premature heat.

"Sal," Tommy whispered when Deluca nuzzled his neck.

And then Deluca started laughing. He pulled away from Tommy and let out a full belly laugh. "Oh my god, that- I can't believe I held out for so long- I should get a damn Oscar."

Tommy stood there stunned as he watched the other man in confusion. But deep down he knew what was going on.

"I sent you in a premature heat with all that bullshit!" Deluca laughed even louder. "Jesus, Tommy, you're so pathetic." He wiped his lips with the back of his hand and made a disgusted face. "Gross, I actually kissed your neck."

Tommy felt his eyes fill with tears but he refused to cry in front of this bastard and he looked away.

"Aw, are you gonna cry now, little baby?" Deluca teased. "You're so desperate that you were gonna spread your legs for me and beg me to fuck you, weren't you? God, Tommy, can you be any more of a slu- "

Before Deluca could finish his sentence, someone grabbed him and slammed him into the lockers next to Tommy.

Evan snarled and his eyes flashed gold. "You fucking asshole!" He growled and slammed Deluca against the lockers again.

"Evan stop!" Tommy said weakly. He couldn't focus on anything. The alpha pheromones from Evan were too strong and the omega in Tommy was whining for the alpha despite Tommy's protests.

Evan immediately stopped. "You mess with him again and I will end you, Deluca," he warned Sal and let him go, immediately coming to Tommy's side.

"Tommy, you okay?" Evan asked him worriedly and touched his shoulder.

"Oh, you two deserve each other. The broken omega and the broken alpha!" Deluca spat out.

Tommy ignored him and instead focused on Evan's touch which made him whimper.

"What's going on here?"

Tommy heard the captain's voice and gulped.

"Buck attacked me!" Deluca complained.

"And I'll do it again if you treat Tommy like shit!" Evan growled.

"Tommy, are you okay?" Bobby asked him gently.

"No, I'm in a heat," Tommy whimpered again.

"Yeah, thanks to that asshole!" Evan pointed at Deluca. "He was messing around with Tommy and sent him into a heat."

"Is that true?" Bobby asked Tommy.

Tommy could barely speak. He was sweating profusely and slicking up. So instead, he just nodded.

"He's a lying who-"

Bobby glared at Deluca and flashed his eyes at him before he could finish his thought. "You're suspended. I want you out of my firehouse right now."

"Are you serious?! You're suspending me for that omega bitch?" Deluca growled and got up in Bobby's face.

"You want that to turn into a termination?" Bobby asked.

"Well, fuck this firehouse, and fuck you. Your house of misfits won't last long," Deluca kept on going.

"I'll take that as a yes. Take your stuff and get out. Right. Now," Bobby angrily told him.

Deluca huffed and left. Once he was gone, Tommy felt like he could breathe again. "Th- thank you," he said to Bobby. He couldn't think. Evan's proximity and his scent were too overpowering.

"I'm taking him home," Evan said taking Tommy's hand.

"I can't let you do that, Buck," Bobby got in Evan's way before Evan could pull him along.

"Bobby-"

"Buck, you are not Tommy's alpha and he is not in the right frame of mind to give you consent right now," Bobby told him.

"I am capable of consenting and I want Evan," Tommy replied. He hated being treated like he wasn't even there.

"You heard Tommy, Bobby," Evan told the other alpha and pulled Tommy along, taking him to his jeep.

Once they were inside, Evan put a hand on Tommy's cheek and pulled him close but kissed his forehead. "I know what you said back there, but I want you to consent to this when you're not in a heat," Evan said pressing their foreheads together. "Do you have toys at home?"

Tommy felt his cheeks heat up at that. "Y-yeah," he replied.

"Good. So we're gonna go back to yours. I'm gonna help you build your nest and then I'll stick around while you do your thing. Is that okay?" Evan gently stroked his cheek with his thumb.

"You- you can help me if you want. Like I told Bobby, I am capable of consenting," Tommy whispered and closed his eyes.

"I know, babyboy," Evan kissed his forehead again. "But until yesterday, you didn't even like me." He smirked.

"That was yesterday," Tommy replied. "This is today."

Evan let out a breathy laugh and kissed Tommy's eyelids. "Come on, let's get you home. You wanna give me your address?"

Tommy put his address in Evan's phone and Evan held his hand as he drove them back to Tommy's place.

Once there, Evan helped Tommy build his nest. Tommy directed him to where the additional comforters and pillows were and Evan came back with them and set them up on the bed. He finally took off his hoodie and gave it to Tommy.

"You might need this," Evan told him.

Tommy took the hoodie and took in Evan's smell. "Thank you," he said. "For everything."

Evan leaned in and kissed Tommy's cheek. "I'm right outside. If you need anything, just call me."

"And what if I just need you?" Tommy asked.

Evan chuckled at that. "You're gonna be fine," he told him and pulled away.

Tommy immediately missed his touch and whined. "Alpha, come on. I know you want me. So just take me."

Evan clicked his tongue and shook his head. "That's just your heat talking, babyboy."

Tommy huffed and climbed into his nest. "Do you wanna at least cuddle with me?"

"I don't think I'll be able to stop myself, if I touched you right now, babyboy. I can smell your slick and I can feel the heat radiating off your body," Evan told him.

"Then don't stop yourself. Do what you want to me," Tommy insisted.

"No," Evan replied resolutely.

"Do you not want me because I'm not your typical omega?" Tommy asked sadly.

"What's that even supposed to mean?" Evan asked. "You're a beautiful fucking omega whom I want to knock up so bad."

"You're lying. You want a pretty. dainty omega. Not someone like me."

" I don't know if you're trying to reverse psychology me but I can see myself mating with you, Tommy. I want to mate with you. But just not today. I want us to talk when you're not in a heat and then I want to make you mine."

Tommy felt a smile play across his lips and nodded. "Okay," he said.

"Okay," Evan replied and kissed Tommy's forehead one more time before leaving, letting the door stay slightly ajar.

Tommy took off his clothes but pulled on Evan's hoodie. He took out his purple dildo from the side drawer and lay back, circling his hole with it. He slowly pushed it inside and moaned. "Evan."

He slipped his hand under the hoodie and played with his nipples with his other hand while he started fucking himself with the dildo. "Evan, Evan, Evan," a litany of his coworker's name escaped his lips. He was loud enough that he knew Evan could hear him outside. "Please, Evan. Knock me up. Need your baby in me," he groaned as he started fucking himself faster with the dildo.

He imagined Evan on top of him, penetrating him over and over again, making him scream. Tommy stopped playing with his nipple and wrapped his other hand around his cock. He stroked it only a few times, imagining Evan's hand on it before coming, loudly screaming out Evan's name. He lazily fucked himself with the dildo as he came down from the high. If Evan would not fuck him, then Tommy wasn't about to make it easy on him.

#tommy kinard #evan buckley #sal deluca #bobby nash #hen wilson #911 abc #911 fic #911 fanfiction #bucktommy #kinley #tevan #omegaverse #ask

[blackkatmagic]

Hey, I'm sorry if you've talked about this on here already but I was just wondering if you have Opinions on Ventress as a character? Since the final season of TBB aired, so many people on here have doubled down on the "she's a girlboss I love to see her" thing. I just... don't get it tbh? She killed SO many clones in the show and in the comics there was Alpha's torture and Wolffe's eye, and obviously I don't hate female characters for being brutal/villains but I don't understand the relish that fandom seems to feel about this character. But your writing's made me love a lot of characters that I didn't click with before so I was wondering if you have thoughts on this - if you don't mind sharing!

I think my feelings on Ventress are about the same as my feelings on Dooku: she's a fantastic character, and she's stupid and kind of delusional and has a tragic backstory that makes her more interesting. But for Ventress, the way she's written leaves me kind of...cold, I guess? She's forced into a hamhanded antihero storyline, but her "redemption" isn't a redemption at all, and people treating it like it is annoys me tbh - she never really showed any remorse and never really changed her ways, and she stayed self-serving until the end. Which I guess is girl-boss adjacent but like. not the type most people stan.

I like female villains, and I like them being assholes and viciously remorseless, but trying to twist that into making characters like Ventress into girlboss heroes is just annoying.

#kat answers

[oddlittlestories]

Okay so I can’t find it but I saw a post about wishing at least one other character would acknowledge there’s a reason House doesn’t want to go to his dad’s funeral. And I wanted to say that I agree with this. And I think it’s the point. And that House as a show was also subverting expectations, so I wanted to talk a little about this.

So first off, I think it does really interesting things when you take a non-diegetic / non-in-universe approach to the show.

One, this was Supernatural era. You know, the show that sometimes categorized the dad (who would leave his child sons alone for weeks at a time, was sometimes implied to hit them, and openly shamed them especially Dean) as the only true hero. And also iirc a lot of shows and movies at that time centered around the theme of forgiving your abusive parent.

Two, in the previous season, we get an episode that canonically parallels the severe traumas of rape and physical child abuse.

Three, House never apologizes or forgives his dad. Yeah, he’s a misanthrope, so there’s a narrative excuse there, but he’s also allowed to do it. And he’s right about his dad not being his bio dad.

Four, for the above reasons, it is reasonable to view the narrative as being on House’s side. He goes because of extreme social pressures (which exist in the real world!) and, possibly, because his mom wants him there. But the narrative essentially says that his dad was a bad person and House shouldn’t have had to go. (With the possibly caveat of ‘[even shitty] funerals are sometimes a place to reconnect with living people you actually care about.’)

Part Two: Diegetic / In-Universe

House’s mom. This is really interesting, right? House’s mom is brought up over and over again. And the narrative thread is—she was abused, too. Should House connect with her? And if so, why and under what circumstances?

And what’s really interesting is, House doesn’t want to under the given circumstances. Because it means submitting to social mores he doesn’t agree with, including the circumspect of implying, “My dad was a good guy.”

But his mom doesn’t seem to see it quite the same way. “He’s not going to care [that we started late], Greg. He’s dead.” Essentially saying, this really isn’t about him. He’s dead.

So it’s this moral ambiguity again. Can and should House align with his also-abused mother? What would it cost him to do so? (And implied: childhood abuse can have lingering impacts forever, especially when people dismiss it because - the war is not over.)

To me, this episode is one of the examples where many characters take on roles as foils to expose a narrative theme. In this case: social pressure around “respecting your parents.” And I think it’s brilliantly done. I think when you have the overwhelming suffocating feeling of WHY ISN’T ANYONE LISTENING TO HIM

I think that’s EXACTLY the point

These motives are, to a degree, being placed on the characters. It’s extremely well-written, so it feels authentic, but to me it’s just as likely Chase would say “he shouldn’t have to go” and Cuddy with her mom would be more sympathetic. But the writers chose to unearth all the reasons each of them would put social pressures on House. And this happens to people in real life.

And of course, Wilson. It’s not inauthentic for Wilson. He’s doing two things at once. One, he’s playing out his own issues around social obligation. Two, he’s grabbing onto “I am socially obligated to be around House” like a lifeline.

Which leads us to the second theme of the episode, which is inherently true to the characters and deeply humanizing.

Complicated grief.

House’s grief is complicated because of social pressure. And he’s not sad his dad is dead—he’s sad that it changes nothing. Like he says to the kid with the facial deformity: “you can change your face, but you can’t change who your face made you.” House can change his circumstances. But he can’t change who they made him.

And Wilson’s grief is complicated because his girlfriend died suddenly, violently, unreasonably. And his best friend was deeply involved—in trying to save her and in her ultimate loss. He’s terrified of losing people and he almost lost them both. And because it’s Wilson, he represses, justifies, and misunderstands his own motives which makes everything harder. And it’s also deeply real. People compartmentalize. They misunderstand their own feelings.

So yeah! This episode is a twofer. One is meant to make you scream internally about the social pressures around funerals and abusive parents. The other is about complicated grief and mourning, and reconnecting despite and sometimes because of death.

The complexity gives me brain worms. I love this episode.

#this has been in my drafts for months #house md #season 5 #s5e4 #birthmarks #gregory house #james wilson

[mimmit]

I have not stopped thinking about the mannequins from Ultrakill

So I have been obsessing over the fact that in the last room of the first look into Violence when Hakita turns around at the end and all the mannequins are looking at him that the ones on the right are closer, because they have been out of sight for less than a second longer. Which is scary and so very fun to think about how this level will play. However this might just be the FOV in the video, so we'll see.

However, they are not walking onto the stairs like a regular enemy could or would. This leaves me to think that maybe they have issues or an inability to change altitudes. Which brings me to mention that in the room where we first see the mannequins, they are on small pedestals. And we all know that they change when not in the line of sight, but maybe they just can't hurt you unless you are at the same altitude. What if they can't get off those pedestals, or get up the stairs. Which would be cool with the big altitude changes previewed in the level. I imagine getting to hop down to the mannequins and then run as soon as you have your back turned to them.

And who knows, this could all just be programming issues and all of this might not even end up in the final level, just having fun theory crafting.

I need to read that book though. Counting down the days. Let me at it >:)

#ultrakill #ultrakill spoilers #I know I said I would only say more if someone asked but this is a different topic still within ultrakill #also I can do whatever I want on here #Also sorry not sorry to all the people who followed me for bungou stray dogs art #My interests change a lot but never leave #ultrakill mannequin #Mimmy chitters #ultrakill theory

[even-disco-baby]

YOU — “What was it like when we were partners?”

JEAN VICQUEMARE — He looks at you, taking a long drag from his cigarette. His eyes are hard. “You don’t remember at all?”

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Impossible: Failure] — You try to search through the mire of your mind, but come up with only the ghosts of vague and conflicting feelings— comfort and pain, gratitude and resentment, and above all, fear.

YOU — Fear of what?

CONCEPTUALIZATION — Of being seen. Seen and despised.

EMPATHY — He fears that, too. That one day, he’ll look at you and realize that it was all for nothing.

-1 MORALE

PRECINCT 41 — The night air is pleasantly cool, and even this late, you can hear plenty of signs of life in Jamrock. Dogs barking, laughter in the distance. It only makes your own silence more pronounced.

“I remember we were friends.”

“I remember we hated each other.”

“I remember you cramping my style.”

“I remember being a burden.”

“I don’t. I’m sorry.”

JEAN VICQUEMARE — He sighs. Smoke trails as he shakes his head. “It’s fine.”

DRAMA — It is decidedly *not* fine, sire.

JEAN VICQUEMARE — “You know what? It’s probably better that way. Don’t worry about the past. Your great big life is finally starting.” Every word drips with irony. He takes another puff of the cigarette. “Good for you.”

“You’re right. I won’t worry about it.”

“I swear I’m going to make the most of it. It’ll be different this time. I swear, Jean.”

“You’re such an asshole.”

“You sound sarcastic.”

JEAN VICQUEMARE — “Oh, do I? Sorry, let me try again.” He claps with mock politeness. “Congratulations on the amnesia. You must be thrilled.”

“Ha ha. Real funny.”

“Maybe I am. Fuck off.”

“No. I’m scared. It’s been really hard.”

“I’m sorry, okay? It’s not like I can undo it. I don’t know what you want from me.”

“I’m sorry…”

(Say nothing)

JEAN VICQUEMARE — He lets out another breath, closing his eyes. “…Sorry. Look, just forget it, okay, Harry?” He tosses the butt of his cigarette dispassionately into the bushes and lights another. “Believe me, it’s not worth dredging up.”

DRAMA — What he means to say, sire, is that you don’t want to know how bad things got.

EMPATHY — Even he doesn’t like to reminisce. Not on the bad *or* the good. It would all swallow him up if he wasn’t careful. But he can’t forget, either, so he just carries it. And now he carries it alone.

INLAND EMPIRE — He was fooling himself if he ever thought that to live was to be anything but alone. We are all either leavers or those left behind.

HALF LIGHT — It’s not your fault that he started to look like a leaver. You had to be faster than him. You couldn’t let it happen again. Never again.

VOLITION — Derail this train of thought before it builds momentum. It won’t lead you anywhere helpful.

None of this is helpful. Fuck this. [Leave]

[Espirit de Corps — Formidable 13] Just how bad did things get?

CHECK SUCCESS

ESPIRIT DE CORPS — Apocalyptic. Screaming matches that devolved into agonized wails. Words that neither of you can ever take back. Nights spent talking you off of ledges only for you to turn and shove him toward the edge. Times he told you to go ahead and jump, only to then turn and cling to you in terror of a lifelong haunting. Pitiful attempts to revive the corpse of your friendship. Empty ideals of brotherhood clutched tightly to your chests. His orbit around you, both a curse and a reassurance.

SAVOIR FAIRE — You needed him to think you were cool again.

EMPATHY — He needed you to think he was worth trying for.

INLAND EMPIRE — You both discovered that you were sad, cruel animals, incapable of anything but lashing out at each other and licking your own self-inflicted wounds.

VOLITION — And so you changed, somewhat. You did what you had to do to survive and evolve. There is no use or sense in regretting it.

EMPATHY — But *he* refuses to change. He cannot bring himself to dig his heels back out of the dirt. This precinct will be his coffin. He has already decided.

RHETORIC — A memory stirs. A letter, written to you, but never meant for your eyes. You read it, anyway. He never forgave you. You never forgave him, either.

“Kid,

“I bet you think someday your life will begin. That it’s still out there somehow, a great big life just waiting to start. Well, it isn’t. This is all there is. This job is the only fight we are given. After this, we will be its veterans.

“There is nothing more in that beloved future of yours. We are all done there. Done and gone.”

VOLITION — But there is a future beyond ourselves. There is all of the rest of human history-to-be, and they are at our mercy. Find some mercy in yourself, Harry. You know there’s something beyond this job, this precinct.

No. Jean is right. This is my home, these people my half-brothers. I would be nothing without them. I don’t want to die alone.

No. He’s right. There is no future for me. I’m a dead man walking, and soon I’ll be gone. It doesn’t matter.

No. There is no mercy in me. I’m tired. I hope the world ends. I hope we can all be done.

You’re right. I changed a little. That means that I can keep changing. I can be a kinder animal.

You’re right, but I’m afraid. I don’t remember my life before the RCM. I don’t know what I would be if I left.

Isn’t there any way to change Jean, too? Is there a great big life waiting for him?

VOLITION — I… I don’t know. I’m sorry, Harry. I cannot answer for other people. His future is in his own hands.

PRECINCT 41 — Dogs howl in the distance. What a lonely sound.

#disco elysium #harry du bois #jean vicquemare #suicide tw #ok sorry this is not the one that i said was gonna be different it’s gonna be the NEXT next one #i had to get this one off my chest while i was still thinking abt jean #but um. yeah. lots of complicated feelings abt this guy #can’t say i Like him. since he’s a cop and all. and also just generally #i think he’s very interesting and funny and there’s a lot of poignant stuff to unpack w him and harry #but i dunno i just???? how do you even articulate this #the damage to their relationship is never gonna be undone no matter what #but especially not if harry stays a cop forever #and i think jean is never gonna quit even if harry goes #hell i think even kim is more likely to be convinced to leave and i’m not even optimistic abt HIM #‘’there is nothing more in that beloved future of yours. we are all done there. done and gone.’’ #that does not sound like a man who has any interest in changing… man i dunno. #acab and all that.

[dorianbrightmusic]

an interpretation of kieran’s mental health in the indigo disk

One thing that’s me very consistently while playing through the Indigo Disk DLC is how Kieran’s behaviour, though erratic, feels horrifyingly believable through a certain lens. Many of his behaviours are painfully reminiscent of my own memories of having anorexia nervosa—and while that’s absolutely not the sole reason someone could break down into an antithetical version of themself as dramatically as Kieran does, I think that as a reading, it can actually coexist very nicely with the actual plot reasoning of ‘competitive tunnel vision’. If anything, it would complement his competitive frenzy quite effectively.

I’m aware this is a risky and hyper-specific interpretation to share, but I’m posting my reasoning beneath the cut, since I think it’s worth sharing not just as a reading of Pokemon, but also as an intersectional look at ED pathology that doesn’t focus so much on either food or figure. Every time I’ve headcanoned a character as anorexic, it’s been because their behaviours seemed painfully perfectionistic and inflexible (see Seto Kaiba), rather than because they looked a particular way. Obviously, massive trigger warning for discussion of restrictive EDs as attempts at self-destruction.

(n.b. None of this is necessarily based on what I've read in scientific papers so much as on experience and observation of others with this disease. As such, if this feels a bit Freud-y-mumbo-jumbo-y, it probably is.)

Let’s start by looking at where Kieran starts out. In Kitakami, he’s stunningly isolated at the best of times. He thinks in extremes—good, bad; hero, villain; strong, weak. His relationship with his sister isn’t bad, per se, but she’s tempestuous and brash, whereas he’s sensitive and fearful. Her attempts to protect him from the worst of the world reinforce his sense of weakness—she shelters him in the harshest way possible, simultaneously expecting him to be tough enough to bear her toughness and weak enough to be able to tolerate nothing else. And though he attends a specialised school for battle, he’s long been the designated weak sibling; as such, he cannot, by nature, be considered admirable at Blueberry Academy. At home and school alike, he feels less than, and desperately lonely. 

To cope, he renders weakness and loneliness as part of his identity, and latches onto the idea of Ogerpon as a courageous outcast, rather than as a villain. It’s an awkward, immature means of coping, as its sole mechanism of granting him any sense of worth further entrenches his isolation and inferiority complex. In defying conventional wisdom on local mythology, he’s choosing to distrust others’ judgement, cutting off any chances of accepting others’ approbation, and locking himself into his own estrangement. His sense of self is constructed around total denial of the fact that being isolated still hurts. So long as he takes up in fantasy, he can’t acknowledge the reality of hating loneliness; and, every time this loneliness and weakness is brought to his attention, he’s suddenly dealing with years of feeling worthless, as compressed into a single moment. As such, he takes defeat awfully, and, having built up very few other ways of coping over the years, gets stupendously angry.

When somebody who’s not from the village comes along, however, maybe he has room to be seen as sensible, rather than contrarian—and, when the player is accepting and kind, he realises that maybe, maybe, there’s room for him to be likeable, worthwhile, in someone’s eyes, after all. So, it’s little wonder that he clings hard to the player, and becomes painfully attached after one day. The player’s affirmation is basically all he has by way of a positive sense of self outside of his own distorted interpretation of legends. Then, cue the player lying to him and taking away Ogerpon. This moment has removed both of Kieran’s last bastions of positive self-image, of ‘maybe it’s okay to be weak, maybe I’m worthwhile anyway’. To him, this isn’t just a minor betrayal—it’s the destruction of his ability to have a sense of worth. It’s pressing on a pain that he’s been systematically ignoring, and reminding him just how much it hurts. 

All he knows, though, is denial—so, to deal with this, he needs to create a new sense of self that can ignore the pain of being weak. But since identifying with weakness hasn’t worked for him, he now attempts the opposite, and takes to pursuing strength at any cost. If he’s strong, then how can weakness hurt him, right?

Except this time, the denial is more extreme, more overtly compartmentalised. He assumes a new team, a new hairstyle, a new manner of talking, dressing, acting. He builds up new rules for life, strict as can be, and brooks no exceptions for any weakness. He is trying, in every way possible, to obliterate the existence of the boy from Kitakami.

An obliterated existence/A dual self

I’d like to pause for a moment here to discuss the compartmentalisation of identity that takes place in anorexia nervosa, as I think it’s relevant here.

Anorexia is a coping mechanism—specifically, the disease promises that by supplanting some part of the self that is currently extremely distressed, it can remove the pain and control the situation. The anorexic personality comes from the original personality, but promises to fulfil its ideals by any means possible. So, seeking a sense of security, the afflicted person compartmentalises—the anorexic personality deals with this thing, the healthy personality with that thing—and reserves the healthy personality from having to deal with distress. The problem is, the illness doesn’t usually fix the problem it promised to, but creates many more. But because it allows one to deny psychic pain, it feels comforting—‘I’m in control of this situation, and the powerless part of me has been obliterated’. Rather than resolve the issues created by the illness by attenuating anorexic behaviours, the person tries to instead brute-force fix things with more anorexia; and onward goes the vicious cycle. In doing this, the afflicted person cedes control of their life to the illness, and, over time, comes to identify with it. While it blocks out their source of pain, it also bonds them to it, forcing them to acquiesce to, if not actively seek out, the increasing physical and emotional toll of the illness.

(I promise it gets better.)

The anorexic personality is split into pieces—the healthy self, and the anorexic self—and the healthy self is usually still dealing with something, so doesn’t feel healthy enough to deal with the things the anorexic self deals with. At first, these selves can be very distinct—the anorexic self often be strict, perfectionistic, and tight-lipped, unwilling to burden others with the original self’s vulnerability. Strict rules and schedules often come to dominate the person’s life while they’re ill—must work this hard, do these things and these times. Over time, the boundary between the healthy and sick selves becomes increasingly murky—one’s mind is invaded from the inside—and the original personality changes further to accommodate the illness. To complicate things further, anorexics tend to not only conceal their distress from themselves, but conceal their illness—and the underlying upset—from others. This is much easier to pull off if you’re isolated to begin with. Recovery thus isn’t merely physical, but psychological, trying to rehabilitate and reintegrate the original identity after a period of being compartmentalised and fragmented. This involves abandoning a coping mechanism and confronting pain that had been abnegated throughout and prior to the illness, so is more complex than just trying to attenuate anorexic cognitions and behaviours. 

Another look at Kieran

Kieran is unbearably lonely, and has long been trying to deny this loneliness in some way or another. Even when he’s identified with the loneliness, he’s done so in order to try to avoid the associated pain. It’s not really acceptance, in that it’s volatile, so much as unsophisticated avoidance hidden by a veneer of acceptance. This unbearable loneliness is his underlying problem—and even back on Kitakami, he’s very much trying—and failing—to push it down. The events of The Teal Mask are enough to show him that denial through surface acceptance isn’t going to cut it, as his relationships with the player and Ogerpon (or at least the idea of Ogerpon) have reinforced how incredibly alone he is.

When he flips on his axis to pursue strength, he’s not pursuing any more sophisticated a means of coping than before, but he’s being much, much more overt about it. Though the source of his angst is, in fact, loneliness and an inferiority complex, he’s convinced himself that the problem is not that he’s alone, but that he’s weak. If he can deal with the weakness, why would he care about feeling lonely? And since the boy from Kitakami was weak, that personality has got to go. Kieran develops a second self, and hands control of his life over to this self, expecting it to resolve the problem that he’s weak. He becomes brutal, because if he can tolerate his own brutality, why should anyone else struggle? He used to be weak, weaker than any of them, after all. 

Pokémon training, realistically, is a form of exercise. And as weak a kid as he’s always been, he’ll make himself stronger, now, so he’ll train, however much hell it is for his team, his classmates, his sister, however much strain it puts on his body, as he barely rests, barely sleeps, barely stops by his room to cook himself anything. Does he need sustenance, when the whole point of this work is to bury his weakness, starve the kid inside himself of his own name and face? Externally, he’s attempted to obliterate the appearance of the kid he used to be – not just in the sense of changing his appearance and his demeanour, but also trying his best to alter his reputation. Physically and behaviorally, he needs to change, he thinks, to block out his weakness, lest it be obvious to an onlooker. Anything less than being a perfect champion will destroy him. 

What happens, then, when the player takes his title, and Drayton ridicules him as ex-champion? Kieran has been hoist with his own petard—with his title in shreds, his identity, too, is in pieces. The player has destroyed him. He’s destroyed himself. And years, years, of abnegated misery now come crashing down once again. So, he makes one final attempt to seize glory with Terapagos, for indeed, other than glory, he has nothing. For the first time, he has to confront the fact that he has nothing. That’s terrifying. What can he do but lash out? He’s been pressing down the scared kid inside for a long time, and as such, that scared, angry part of him is in a state of prodigiously arrested development. So, he screams and he screams. And then, at last, he can start to repent. So, he helps the player. And then, the two of them get to start over—as friends, rivals, family. 

This is recovery: desperately clinging to dysfunction, only to reconcile with being powerless, and, at last, to choose to come back, to walk away from the wreck made of oneself. Kieran must go home to Kitakami—he had no choice, because there was where his real issue—loneliness—had started. (If he didn’t attend a lot of therapy throughout this time, I’ll be amazed.) And, in his time away from school, after finally breaking down and admitting before Terapagos, before the player, before Briar and Carmine, that he had nothing, nobody, he was always going to have to learn, somehow, how to have something, someone, and how to pay respects to the absent space left for both in the meantime. And when he finally comes back to Blueberry, he’s integrated bits of both of his selves. The timid boy from Kitakami is still there, but now has a spine. The tough, one-track-minded champion helps him stay focussed, but doesn’t seep into his personal life—or at least, not to the exclusion of the kinder part of him. He’s not the same kid he used to be—part of that kid died somewhere along the way, in some sense—but at last, he can acknowledge what he really was—scared and lonely—and, with the courage and strength he once misapplied, he can finally move forward, and learn how to breathe again. 

#i like writing about recovery as well simply because it’s not really something we see much in media #and i think the thing is. kiki gets a lot better and at the same time he will never be able to change how much the DLC sucked for him #but he moves on. and he gets much better #again. this is a reading. it is largely based on my own experience. It assumes Kieran’s autistic (and that he might be developing bpd) #it is not canon and shouldn’t be read as such #but after seeing it noted that the guy was neglecting sleep and food to train my brain just went ‘oh. he’s got AN’ #it was just like ‘bam. very clear decision’. and analysing the rest of his arc through that lens is interesting to me #not gonna tag this with the fandom. if people find it yay. but given this is a weird and slightly disturbing take I’mma just leave it here

[peapod20001]

I actually do have very complex thoughts about many different things, it’s just a bit challenging to connect the inner voice to the outer voice sometimes </3

#random post #I have SO many thoughts and ideas. I love to create and I love to build on what I have and I like to connect to existing things #there is lots of oc lore in my brain! it graces my blog sometimes. not always. it’s hard to put abstract feeling and thought into words #and it’s challenging trying to find the best place to start talking about things yknow? like I as the creator of this whole unique universe #pretty much already know how things end up. how they’re going. how it started. some are easier to know than others. but that doesn’t stop me #from trying create for it. or searching for the missing piece to start the domino effect of development and fulfillment #it’s hard to see where the pieces fit sometimes. but getting a new angle or changing something about the piece can make finding where it #belongs easier. this is what I mean when I say I have very intricate and complicated thoughts. not spending too long writing my sentences or #overthinking them helps to keep things as they are in my head. since I’m not filtering them into something almost unrecognizable #writing a paper in a single sitting in a set time really helps me produce a unified and intricate product. I’ve been told I write well #which I find mildly humorous. I’ve never been a writer by choice really. I’m an artist that works with a physical visual piece rather than #letters that convey meaning. I’m more of a thinker than a writer. but in some instances they’re one in the same. I’m rambling but y’all know #that about me by now I’m sure hahagahaha. yea. my OCD makes me spend too long on words and that’s why I always talk in a short way #a more simplistic way. leaves less room for the mind to pick out flaws if everything is flawed on purpose yknow? haha yea. I like me yknow? #and other people like me too! that will never cease to surprise and amaze me haha. I’m one of those people that has an easier time with #people different from themselves. the people I’ve known and spoke to throughout my life are so very different from me. but they all feel #comfortable to share their experience with me. a lot of these people on paper would be ones I’d try to avoid I guess. differing opinions and #world views yknow? but the way I am. gives people comfort I’ve found. I’m not bragging about that it’s just interesting. it’s the same with #my whole household like we meet people that are like. idk a good descriptor but they’re very set in a specific way. and then we just?? they #like us?? idk it’s just funny to think about my dad getting along with legit crazy people or my mom being the person who’s the favorite of #the least liked / polite person in the office. or my brother and sister being very well liked in their schools but are just average students #who aren’t trying to be more than kind. or when I as myself. with the thoughts and opinions I have. am able to get along with anyone I #come across. I’m really not trying to be bright about that I’m just an. empath? I guess? I’m just very nice to people and meet them at their #level and don’t try steering the conversation to smth bad or controversial. but even then people will still talk to me and like me cus I’m #not putting them down or hating on them for how they think and feel. I listen. I can understand them. not agreeing with their views doesn’t #mean I can’t get why people think or feel how they do. I try to not be biased or entirely antagonist to things different than me #I’ve gone my whole life not understanding a lot of things. and over time I’ve learned them. I go into experiences with people like that #I may not understand yet. but I’ll learn to. that’s probably the main reason why people feel comfortable around me. that and also I have #a smile pretty much always lol. I’m small and non threatening lookin with a single dimple on the cheek and eyes so dark you could see the #faintest light reflected in them. anyways I have gone into several different directions with this and kinda lost the main point I was making

[peninkwrites]

I saw your rant and I’m confused but I can share this pic of a genuine Hellenistic boar rattle?

Oh my dearest teen wolf mutual. You're so wonderful. Genuinely this almost made me cry (happy tears!) I love it so much. I love old human creations!! I appreciate you coming out of the woodwork, zero context, and just being very kind <3

#if you would like a shred of context. a very big person behind the story I've been obsessing over for ages turned out to be a creep. #(specifically sending inappropriate messages to younger fans.) #a lot of folks are leaving the fandom (which is fair!) but also very saddening. #i have never experienced a mass exodus from a community on this scale before. huge members of the fandom just gone overnight! #it's very jarring. #i'm so glad you're still around even though my interests have changed wildly. seeing you on my dash always brightens my day <3 #asks #rhyslahey #dream situation #<- (just in the tags but gonna tag it just in case)

[melonpond]

girl help I'm yearning

#melon rambles #I've been thinking too much about this relationship dynamic that I want to write #in my story there's this knight who's trying to prove herself and work her way to the top #(before realizing that the kingdom she's working for is corrupt) #and her character arc is realizing that she's not going to be happy by being at the top and giving her life to the corrupt kingdom #and she finds her new purpose it protecting her loved ones #even if it means going against the law #(she basically just had a shift from lawful good to neutral good) #and her love interest is a cleric who she originally met because she was reckless and got injured a lot #but then they had chemistry and the cleric made the knight promise her that she wouldn't get injured anymore #and they go on adventures together (still haven't figure out the exact plot yet) and there's a lot of stuff with fate and destiny #cleric lady becomes a lot more important as she leaves her home to do stuff that the kingdom looks down upon but will actually bring peace #and knight lady is constantly stays by her side and protects her #and they both don't think that they're actually that important or deserving of what they've given each other #but in reality their fates are intertwined like a strong rope #and if they had never met then both of them would probably be dead and the world would never have changed like it did #anyways all that to say I've been thinking more about my book recently #and the idea of wielding a sword and being able to protect your lover from anything is just oufugfhgdgfhgfhfghgffghfdsf #I am yearning so much for a partner

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

2 & 3 from section 1 for peri and 7 from whichever section has a more interesting #7 for diodore -moss

oooh these are fun ones!

2. Describe their tent set-up (outside and inside) (Peri)

I think Peri's tent is constructed similarly to Gale and Astarion's (boxy, fabric walls, little covered area outside). Deep blue fabric w/ golden astronomical embroidery, mostly the sort of thing you see on star maps. Little golden tassles around the edges of the tarp (?) and the doorframe. He'd have a small, circular, dark wood side table short enough that you can use it sitting on the ground, and a dark blue pillow next to it; there would be some parchment and a bronze miniature astrolabe on the table. The inside would be just. full to the brim with the gaudiest night-sky-themed pillows you've ever seen. No bedroll, no palette, just a nest that would put those cube pits in trampoline parks to shame. There would be two bird perches for his familiar Medani: one taller one next to his tent and one shorter one under the overhang. The shorter one would have a crow-sized bow-tie hanging from it. Rugs on rugs on the outside area ofc. 3. What would their character quest be titled? Why? (Peri)

This is a hard one! His tav ending involves taking over the Waterdeep arm of the Harpers, so I think his arc would have something to do with that. He'd be pretty bitter about being dropped into another near-apocalyptic mess when dealing with the last one a few years prior was supposed to be a one-time thing. Something-something ptsd in a world that doesn't have the words for that yet, something-something 'once a hero always a hero', something-something the weight of responsibility...he's a planeswalker so I think part of it would be whether he decides to stay on Toril long-term and directly help rebuild the Waterdeep Harpers or if he continues to run travel around afterwards, so maybe The Far Traveller/The Far Walker?

Harpson/Fae-son are also potential options. "Fae-son" nods to him being a changeling without it being super obvious (like Astarion's "The Pale Elf"). It would also mimic his backstory reveals from RoT ("oh he's not 'from here' so, like, the Feywild" -> "OH he's not from here"). 7. Describe their arc. How would a player help resolve it? What choices can be made? Can your Tav be turned down a dark path, or pulled to a lighter one? (Diodore)

Buckle up because we're in for a long one here. I've thought about Dora's story arc a lot because she's the first of my tavs that I truly made for the game while having full control over her backstory, etc. (versus Corentin, who had their arc baked into the story as a durge). Dora's a paladin of Corellon (oath of ancients) and her story arc as a companion would have to do with whether or not she should accept capital-r-Redemption, the process by which a drow can be truly "freed" from Lolth and rejoin the ranks of the rest of elven society. It involves all of the Redeemed drow's memories being erased and them being reincarnated as a surface elf. The implication seems to be that without that, regardless of a drow's actions, they'd be thrown back to Lolth when they die? Or at least that their eternal fate is unknown (which is the way I prefer to think of it for. personal reasons). Under normal circumstances, Dora would be a long way from Redemption being presented to her at all (she's not even 200 yet and has only been on the surface for a couple decades), but like with the other gods' Chosen among the companions, near-apocalyptic circumstances tend to speed up those sorts of things.

Of course, you'd have the themes of faith & relationship with deity when they're all unequivocally real and are also mostly all assholes; maintaining or breaking generational cycles; facing the unknown; morality when none of your choices are "good" (and how that interacts with morality vs self preservation); power vs freedom; identity outside of the people who made you; etc. The choice would first be presented to her sometime in late Act I/early Act II, likely the first long rest after the group resurfaces from the Underdark and you've probably gotten some of her backstory already. I have no idea how Larian would have characterized Corellon, but he's considered one of the more benevolent/open-minded deities iirc, which could be interesting to see contrasted with Mystra, Vlaa'kith, and Shar. How much that open-mindedness would extend to a drow, even one who has been a faithful follower even before she escaped to the Surface (and who inherited that faith from her father), is unclear. At the beginning of the game she would be leaning towards accepting Redemption, despite her own misgivings about whether or not she would still be her in that case.

Her final decision (at the ending pier scene) would depend on the relationship she has with the PC and the other companions. Her best ending, imo, would be her not accepting Redemption but continuing to be a force for good. If she has a good relationship with the PC, she would have something to lose. I think seeing the House of Mourning would affect her too. After all, the thing Corellon is offering to her as a way to find peace is the same thing the Sharrans are using as a way to manipulate and control others.

She's viscerally aware of how she was socialized and very actively chooses "good", so pushing her towards a darker path would be incredibly difficult but not impossible. If you side with the goblins she'll leave immediately, and turn on you if she's in your party when you attack the grove. But if you decide to try and control the cult in Act II, depending on your over-all actions before then and how you've interacted with her, you could disillusion her to the point of convincing her to break her oath. That path would entail convincing her that controlling the cult is actually the best idea. I'm sure there would be other times that her oath could break that wouldn't necessarily lock her into an "evil" path, especially with how Oathbreakers are handled in the game. Knocking out Minthara instead of killing her outright and letting Auntie Ethel go in Act I instead of killing her are two things that come to mind.

If she doesn't choose Redemption she would be at the epilogue party, of course. I'm a bit undecided on what would happen if she does choose Redemption. She may not be there at all, w/ Jaheira, Halsin, Minthara, and/or Astarion mentioning running into her in her new, reincarnated state. Or she would be there, confused, and mention how the PC seems familiar in a way she can't quite place. In that case, she would ask them how they know each other and mention something about feeling a twinge of grief looking at everyone, but that she doesn't know why she feels that way. It would be up to the PC how much they tell her (if they tell her anything at all).

#ty for the ask mossy!! #and sorry for the wait lol a couple of these stumped me for a minute #thinking about peri & jaheira as narrative parallels... #b/c i want to be clear here. peri was and is *not* looking for more responsibility re: harpers #he was perfectly happy doing security systems. him not seeking power was an active character choice i made for him b/c he's a wizard #but in the Faerun In My Head (tm) the Waterdeep Harpers also get decimated by the Absolute b/c why would they not? theyd be a major threat #especially b/c their high harper was the catalyst for forming the lord's alliance and. like. you think they're *not* reconvening? #for Weird Cult Two: 2 Cult 2 Furious?? #gortash would take remallia OUT if at all possible #and also I like torturing my characters #and i think the whole 'weight of duty'/hero's curse (once you get drawn into one situation you can't ignore the others/they come to you) #thing is interesting for peri in particular. the man just wants to live a quiet life and he will! for the most part. #just now with thousands of lives in his hands b/c he's helped stop 2 apocalypses and is irrevocably tied to the fate of the Coast now #his conscious wouldn't let him just leave the Harpers or Waterdeep to rot. and that seems to be similar to the situation jaheira's in #generational cycles the cruel march of time history repeats itself etc etc #that's also why i think he would get Weave'd and have an unusually long lifespan. he wanted to rest and the universe said “no <3” #i think about dora's story a lot also because the whole 'you can be redeemed (from something you were born with) #but only by removing integral parts of yourself' thing hits *right* in the religious trauma #you cant tell me there wouldn't be *some* part of a Redeemed Drow's soul that remembers the people from before they were changed #unless they just. get a new soul in which case it literally isn't them anymore. #doras first real & healthy relationships happen in-game #thats part of why she's drawn to astarion. his bullshit is predictable to her and therefore feels safer. #definitely safer than whatever is going on with the others #(also why she trusts karlach so quickly: she's straightforward and blunt & doesn't really hide things? #and was also the only one to warn her against astarion. dora'd literally never had someone like that in her life before so it stuck) #and she'd feel a bit uncomfortable w/ the concept of Redemption at first but who is she to argue with a god? #esp one who seems kinder than many of the others #but as the story progresses she realizes that she *can* trust these people and that they trust her #and she sees how Gale and Shadowheart and Lae'zel are struggling w/ their deities #and not only does she have something to lose now but she's seeing more of how the gods work generally

[aw-bean-s]

National just won the nz election and will most likely be forming a coalition with ACT. This country is fucked.

#They're going to be restoring fees on prescription medication #Also fucking the school system by requiring and hour of reading writing and maths every single day up until year 8 #Which means that only private schools will be able to have any flexibility to learning #ALSO they have no active interest in doing ANYTHING about climate change #And a lot of interest in not restricting oil drilling in nz #They also want to cut social funding which means kicking a lot of people off the ben who need it but Nat thinks they dont #And on top of all of this one of the only friends who still talks to me voted for them and I don't know if I can look at him the same #The right and left aren't as extreme here in nz but Nat will still fuck over a lot of people i care about and I just can't do this #God we were going to a concert together but now I just feel sick #Thank god they backed down on getting rid of first year fees free uni #Otherwise I know a lot of people who would probably have to drop out before the fees got much bigger #I am literally never going to be able to leave home at this rate #It's only going to get more and more expensive #I am going to have to live in a house with my father forever