#Unknowable Chaos Gremlin

[headcanonthings]

*Zuko drives Toph to the banks drive-thru window* Toph, in a bad Italian accent: I'd a like-a to make-a the deposit. Bank teller: HEY BUDDY I REMEMBER YOU!! Toph: *frantically pours marinara sauce into the vacuum tube* Bank teller: GODDAMNIT IT'S THEM AGAIN! Toph: DRIVE ZUKO DRIVE! *Zuko, in fear and not knowing what is going on, speeds off*

#toph the chaos gremlin #and zuko her unknowing and semi-unwilling accomplice #incorrect quotes #incorrect avatar the last airbender quotes #avatar the last airbender #a;tla #toph beiphong #toph beifong #zuko #brotp

[deadsetobsessions]

Listen, I know it’s not my usual thing, but I just re-read Dark Matter by mysterycyclone (iconic, so good, incredible, I’ve reread this at least ten times) and this newer work, Help Me, I Don’t Feel Like Myself Anymore by Astra_Nova_Kat (it’s off to a really good and fleshed out, very long start- it’s like 20k for the first chapter omg).

I just. Love?? Them??? They’re both, urg, so good. The writing style, the way the story moves, the natural progression of plot and their usage of tropes are so well done that rarely does it feel awkward. Amazing. Anyways, they inspired me to put my two cents into the proverbial offering hat and while this might not ever be a realized fanfic, here it is? This will have multiple parts.

Uh, I’m basing Peter’s personality off of the really tired millennial energy Tobey Maguire gives, the awkward but well meaning disaster vibes of Andrew Garfield, and the sassy acrobatic chaos gremlin of Tom Holland. All kind of mushed together with the hyper competence and maturity of both the PS4 spidey and pretty much most spider people. He’s 22, or something but that doesn’t really matter?? Background doesn’t really matter because I’m basically making my own spider-verse. Spider… past? Eh. New Peter!

Spider in Gotham AU- Pt.1

[Pt.2]

——

Spider-Man swung through the skyscrapers of his city, enjoying the winds and sounds of New York as he kept a sharp eye out for crime.

He remembered doing this without any of the fancy tech his suit had now, when he was dressed in less protective clothing. God, 100% cotton while crime fighting? The spandex was better but god ugly.

His spider-sense blared. Spider-man quickly shot a web to the top of the building, going towards the danger instead of away from it.

He goes in feet first, years of knocking common thugs to legitimate gods to the ground making short work of the people on the roof top. He flips out of the way, dodging a blast of crackling green energy.

“Heyyyy, common robbers! What’s up with shiny lasers, huh? Breaking and entering not doing enough for ya?”

Spider-Man dodges a couple more shots, flipping again to knee a guy in the face, gently. The man goes down in one shot.

“Stay still, you motherfucker!”

“Does that actually work for you guys?? Like I’m down to get killed but, man, I’m not gonna stay still to get downed by some two bit thugs?” Spider-Man kept his words light and mocking, webbing up a laser gun and yanking it out of the woman’s hands. He punches her in the face and knocks her out, using the laser gun like a mildly bulky baton.

“Eat shit, Spider-bitch!”

“Ouch! Oh no, my feelings! You’ve hurt them!” Spider-Man shoots a web at the lady who’d shouted and yanked, before smacking her straight down to the concrete of the rooftop. His hearing picked up two people coming up the stairway and Spider-Man tossed two web bombs, the metal mechanism attached itself to the wall, waiting for their unknowing victims.

Spider-Man ducked and weaved, downing goons as they piled on him while shooting bullets, lasers, and just charging at him with a bat or a crowbar. After eight years of pretty much this exact thing, Spider-Man had gotten the science of breaking up goon dog piles without hurting them too much to an exact measurement. He quipped at them until they got annoyed, which made them sloppy. Spider-Man sighed as another guy came at him with a crow bar and a gun that he was pretty sure was still stuck on safety. He crouched, kicking out their legs and dodging a swipe of a bat where his ribs would have been and webbed the guy to the floor. Yeah, he’ll wrap this up and end patrol. Maybe he still had Mac n’ Cheese at home, or he could stop by Angelo’s for a sub?

Huh. His options for dinner was limited.

“Take this!”

Even without the forewarning of his spidey-sense, Spider-Man would have ducked out of the way regardless.

“Shouting your sneak attacks isn’t actually all that sneaky, you know!” Spider-Man kept his voice cheery and mocking.

“Get him!”

God, why were there so many people trying to break into an insurance company? This definitely doesn’t smell like a regular B&E. With the shit he’s seen in New York, if it smells like a plot, acts like a plot, then it’s probably a villain with a tragic backstory with big, annoying plans.

Great.

Oh, speak of the devil!

“Spider-Man.” His senses blared.

He couldn’t move out of the way fast enough, not without risking the life of the goon he was currently fighting, so Spider-Man took the blast the punched the breath out of his lungs. The wide eyes of the goon made up for some of the pain.

“Ugh!” Spider-Man slammed into an HVAC, denting the metal. His suit, made special polymer blend from Wakanda that he saved for months to get, absorbed some of the shock. Shit, he hoped it didn’t tear. It would be a bitch and a half to dip into the back up stock he had in his hammer space.

The goons left standing quickly rushed him and held him down to face the new boss.

“You’ve been getting on my nerves, Spider.”

“Yeah,” Spider-Man coughed out, letting the two goons think they could hold him down on his knees as he recovered his breath. “I have that effect on people.”

“But you could be an asset, if you’d join me?”

“Uh, I don’t join or sign things without knowing what I’m joining or signing, my guy. My lawyer said so.”

The villain paused, helmeted head cocking to the side.

“You have a lawyer?”

“Yeah. Kind of? He does pro-bono work for the helpless cases. You know, like, a well meaning, crime fighting vigilante?”

“…Does he do cases against insurance companies?”

“Oh man, you too? Dude, this place sucks,” Spider-Man sighed.

“You’ve had trouble too? Then you must see why I’m doing this!”

This was a bit weird, but if there’s anything that brings people together, it’d be corrupt insurance companies. He’s almost tempted to let them break in, just to be extra petty.

“Nah, my neighbor? Sweet old lady. They’re screwing her out of her entire place. I totally get it, man. Hey, if you need a referral, you can tell my lawyer that Spider sent you. He’s real good.”

“How good?” The goons release him and Spider-Man stood up, stretching his limbs.

“Like, Dare Devil good.”

“You know Matt Murdock??”

“Sure do.”

“He… he’ll take on our cases?”

“Dang, all of you?”

“Yes. We can pool enough money to pay him for one or two.”

“Nah, I’m pretty sure he’ll take you guys on for free. But it wouldn’t hurt if you all went to meet him, just so he can decide which one of you has a higher chance to win in court?”

“We will. Uh.” The villain paused sheepishly. Well, not a villain, more like an unfortunately angry and poor decision making citizen. “Sorry about… you know, the blast.”

“It’s cool. I mean,” Spider-Man gestured to the rooftop, the bodies of unconscious people kind of laying around where he knocked them down. “You guys might wanna check on them, yeah? I’ll let you go for now, but if you commit a B&E again, I’ll leave you webbed up for GCPD to find.”

“Got it. Sorry.”

Feeling good about himself, and plotting corporate espionage, Spider-Man went to help pry some people from his webs.

And of course, because Parker Luck kicks in only when Spider-Man felt like life was looking up for himself, Spider-Man’s senses blared once more as he knelt down to pull at some webbing.

“Oh, shit!” He heard, right before a cold blast of something slammed right into his head, knocking him out.

And Spider-Man

F

E

L

L.

——

Larry looked at the the empty space where Spider-Man, the guy who took a hit from his boss’ blaster so he wouldn’t get hurt, used to be.

He twisted.

“Boss, what the fuck?!”

“Shit! That was accident!” Boss pulled herself up from the concrete, where she just ate dirt.

“Where did he go?”

“I don’t know, Larry! That was the experimental warped mode! Crap!” His boss scrambled with the controls, desperately trying to see if the magic gun her magician friend had handed her years ago had a reverse button. It didn’t.

“Why would you bring a test weapon into the field?!”

“I gave you all of my other ones!” She threw up her hands. “Fuck, I feel so bad.”

Larry paled. “Dude, Dare Devil’s gonna kill us.”

“He doesn’t kill!” His boss hesitated. “I think.”

Larry pointed to the empty space. “Yeah? He might start with us. Spidey was a cool guy and you just disappeared him!”

“I know!”

Larry buried his head into his hands and tried not to hate himself for the entire situation.

——

Spider-man woke up, laid flat on the grimy ground of an alleyway.

“Ugh. Just my luck.” He kept his eyes closed for just a beat longer to allow himself time before having to pull his shit together. Why was his voice high? And a bit squeaky? He pulled himself together.

“Okay.” He whispered to himself, before sitting up and taking stock of the situation.

First thing that hit him was that it stunk to high heavens. Gagging, Spider-Man looked to the right and- yeah, that’ll do it. He stood up on wobbly legs to try to move away from the overflowing dumpster.

That’s when the second, more important and decidedly more troublesome, observation hit him.

He’s short. Shorter. And his suit was hanging off of him.

He could tell he still had his normal by now physiology, with the speeding heartbeat and the feeling of super strength. But he’s shorter. With a mounting sense of equal parts dread and resignation, he pulled at the hidden seam by his nape, relying on his both his enhanced senses and spidey-sense to tell if anyone was nearby or looking at him. He pulled the Spider-Man suit off, blankly folding it neatly as he stared dumbly at his hands. They’re small too. Shit. He stumbled to a nearby mud puddle and stared down, seeing his younger face in the contaminated water. Double shit.

He’s starting to loose his composure. He’d gone through a lot of bizarre things over the last eight years. But getting accidentally Detective Conan’ed by a person he just helped was a new low.

The black under layer of his suit, a slash proof and fire resistant polymer Peter had designed himself in MIT’s lab, was in a similar state.

With one hand, Peter Parker numbly rolled up his sleeves and pant hems. Great. Okay. Now what?

Ah. Shoes. He did not want to walk around in his too-big Spider-Man boots. He looked around. Well, there’s the laces of what looked to be like a pair of dumpster shoes. “Yeah, no.”

Shit. Does he still have access to his hammer space?

Peter reached into his pocket, and tried to reach for a pair of normal sneakers. His shoulder slumped as he produced a pair. Fuck yes. He still has access! And shoes! They’re ones he took off of a power line for a well off kid who didn’t want it anymore. He was going to donate them to F. E. A. S. T. but he’s thanking the stars he procrastinated a bit on swinging by the center. He put them on. They’re a bit big, but it’s better than the giant-in-comparison ones he normally wears. You know, as an adult.

He hesitated with his mask. He should at least figure out where he is. He hoped it was still in the states. His mask blinked, the HUD in his lenses informing him that it was trying to find a connection. “That’s weird.” He paused, grimacing at the sound of his voice. But it is weird, because he had his mask automatically connected to the world wide satellites Tony Stark had sent circling the globe for citizens without internet access as a back up option. So either he was somewhere even the Stark Satellites couldn’t reach or…

Peter swallowed, his mask pinging as it found a connection to piggy back on. He clicked his tongue twice to activate the voice controls.

“Connect to the local maps. Where am I?”

His masked followed the order. [Gotham. New Jersey.]

Peter stared at the words, gut churning.

Good news, he was still in the States. Bad news? He’s shrunk, in a totally different state, and possibly in a different world because he’s not connected to the Stark Satellites he knew operated in New Jersey.

Peter Parker tilted his head back and allowed himself one verbal, panic level six and up, curse word.

“Fuck.”

He took off his mask and leaned against a slightly cleaner part of the wall before hyperventilating.

——

Half an hour later, Peter smacked himself on the cheeks and pulled himself together.

“You’re Spider-Man,” he hissed to himself. “Have a mental breakdown somewhere warm, you dumbass.”

Peter Parker was a champion, world class expert at compartmentalization.

He slipped his mask back on, and pulled up his “So You’re Stuck in an Alternate Universe” list he had made with Ned so many years ago when they were high school kids and going through comic books to make contingencies because Peter was a little idiot vigilante hero.

“I didn’t think I’d actually ever need this kind of thing.” Peter muttered. He slipped his black back up gloves on to connect to his mask’s display in order to type.

“Okay,” he glanced at the side by side screens in his lenses. “Money.”

Five things.

1) The emergency cash he’d stashed on him thankfull matched the pictures of cash he’d found on this world’s internet. Yay!

2) He had $1000 tucked away. Not yay. Not if this might be a long term stay before he got back to his own dimension. Not if he wanted a place to sleep.

3) Luckily, thanks to his earlier search of where the hell he was, Peter figured out that due to the high crime rates- “Dang, that’s worse than New York on New Year’s Eve,” he had marveled- Gotham was dirt cheap and that that meant 1k dollars could actually last him a while and he could afford a room for a month on $250. A whole ass apartment for $550. Peter seriously considered staying in this universe just for the rent prices. So what if there’s rampant crimes? He’d deal with it if the rent was that cheap.

4) Problem? He’s fucking tiny. Who would rent to a person that looked like child? Not anyone upstanding, that’s for sure. He’s more likely to get mugged. Counterpoint: he’s in a city where apparently shady people are all around. Also? He doesn’t have an identity.

5) If the fact that he couldn’t connect to the Stark Satellites didn’t convince him he was either in another universe or an alternate dimension, the visual graphics of the websites he visited would. It was like looking at Windows in the early way before Stark Co. bought them out and improved the design. Nauseating.

Okay, so, money’s not too urgent of an issue. Next on Ned’s list: Places of Interest.

Namely, libraries, homeless shelters, crime hotspots, and the like.

Peter snorted when he came across an opinions article talking about how Park Row became Crime Alley. And then he frowned, because that story was not painting this place to be even remotely nice. Then again, considering the crime rates and the various Rogues this place seemed to have in spades, that wasn’t much of a surprise. Peter marks the place in his new mental map of Gotham as a potential area he could either disappear to or get a new identity at. He then marked the libraries, Gotham City Public Library and its many branches all funded by generous donations from a Bruce Wayne, the Martha Wayne foundations’ shelters and charities, two supermarkets near the library, and a coffee shop he thought looked warm and cozy from the shitty pictures they have uploaded online. He needed coffee, dammit, and he needed it hours ago. Alas, he probably wouldn’t get to go to one until he secured his finances.

Well, it’s not like he doesn’t have practice being poor.

3) Which brings him up to Ned’s next, surprisingly reasonable for a teenager hoped up on a mountain load of sugar, point. Level of Tech.

Peter hid next to the dumpster, melding in with the shadows, as he continued his research.

Tech here was… well, he probably wouldn’t have to worry. The thought of not having a Starkphone, even his older model, was painful considering the new versions of these WaynePhones were really… behind. Peter doesn’t remember the last time he had buttons on his phone or let alone a touch screen that didn’t use facial tracking and biometrics or even have a holographic display mode.

“Ugh. Okay. Not the end of the world, Parker.” Peter muttered.

Now… People of Interest.

This was underlined three times with Ned’s red pens, with extensive subcategories.

Subcategory A? Villains, because “what if they put out a warning for a known villain and you get your butt kicked because you didn’t know about them, Peter? Wouldn’t that be embarrassing?”

He had replied, half focused on the list and the other on savoring the Millennium Falcon Lego set May had saved up for months to get him for his birthday, “I feel like if I was getting my butt kicked by a villain, I’d probably have better things to worry about than my utter humiliation, Ned.”

“True that,” Ned had snicked and jotted it down anyways.

And… well, Gotham had a lot of villains. The Joker (ew, that’s a crusty man in crustier face paint. This guy could learn so much from the cool mimes busking in Central Park. Like, how to do face paint. Or how not to be a massive murderous jerk. There’s Clayface, Two-Face, a bald guy in “Metropolis” (a name Peter couldn’t help but snort at because a city named city? That’s like na’an bread being bread bread. Or chai tea being tea tea) named Lex Luthor, and Scarecrow. He tabbed all of them and marked them for further perusal at a later date. From experience, he knew villains with a prominent M.O. and themes usually did more damage. Case in point: Rhino, and the million dollars of property damage the guy did everytime he escaped the Raft. Peter was seriously considering petitioning for the Raft to be placed further out just so he could have more warning the next time some assholes decided to free the prisoners and helped them escape.

He narrowed his eyes at the screen, his mask’s lenses following the movement. He’ll have to pick up a gas mask. Apparently bio-weapons are just a regular thing here and he really didn’t want to get dosed with this “fear toxin.” It’d be dangerous for everyone involved. Maybe if he gets his hands on a sample, he could build up tolerance and see how his immune system and metabolic rates affected the normal progression of the toxin. Ah, off topic. He’s gotta focus.

Subcategory B: Local celebrities.

“Why would I need to know local celebrities?” He’d asked.

“If someone came up to you and asked “Who’s Tony Stark?”, wouldn’t you clock that as super weird? You gotta blend in, Peter. Plus, you gotta keep up with the pop culture, dude. It’s important.”

“You just want alternate universe memes,” Peter grinned.

“That too. If you ever go to an alternate universe and come back, you’d better bring me a truckload of memes or I’ll never forgive you.”

Yeah. So. Wayne? Super important. Like Tony Stark levels of important. He found threads about them and the local vigilantes and their charity works. Peter’s brain instantly catalogued the info, all but memorizing the deluge of pictures he found of Bruce Wayne and his kids. Maybe the man had an adoption problem? Conspiracy threads and memes popped up alongside his research. He tabbed one on secret societies, because as Spiderman, he had fought a disturbing amount of secret societies that, on hindsight, had been theorized about on threads he’s read on his free time. Somehow, somewhere, somewhen, a conspiracy theorist could be right. Peter’s not about to dismiss that. He also saved like thirty different memes to send to Ned when he got back. If he got back.

Peter smacked that thought away. He’ll get back to his city or die trying.

Subcategory C, underlined and starred: Other Superheroes and Vigilantes.

Yeah, Peter’s excited about this one too. After Matt stopped being Dare Devil (but did he actually ever stop?) and Wade dipping in and out of NY, Peter’s gotten lonely as Spider-Man. He missed training with them. Of course, the fantastic four were still operating, but he doesn’t actually interact with them or the Avengers at all. Miles hasn’t been cleared (by his mom) to go out as Spiderman with near as many hours as Peter cleared a night. Peter stood behind that because he remembered how horrible it was to work as Spiderman and try to balance school on top of it. Also, he was terrified of Mrs. Morales and would never endanger her son more than he already does. He did wave to Black Widow from a rooftop once, spider to spider, and that was pretty much the coolest moment of his life.

So. Uh. The amount of vigilantes and heroes in this world? Amazing. In Gotham? There’s like, a whole team of them.

Batman, Nightwing (who, Username: Draken Draken had theorized, was the first iteration of Batman’s sidekick Robin), Red Hood, Black Canary, Huntress, Red Robin, Spoiler, the “day vigilante” Signal, the current Robin, and whispers of a “Black Bat.”

And their unfortunate “No Meta” rule with the singular exception of Signal. Peter figured their term of Meta was essentially the same thing as his world’s mutants. He’s not sure which term he liked more. Eh, he’ll worry about that later.

And there’s a Justice League! Which, to Peter, is just a bigger Avengers. There’s aliens on this world too. Superman. Martian Manhunter.

Peter grinned from his place crouched next to the dumpster. Yeah, this is awesome. He quickly memorized everything he could find, cross referencing posts and picking out the nuggets of truth or at least popular truth from the posts he viewed. Like, Red Hood operated in Crime Alley and was a crime boss with morals. Cool.

He’ll go down the spiral later. He mentally thanked Ned who was the best guy in the chair a teenage vigilante could ask for. He should really text his friend when he got back.

For now, he’ll head to the library and see if he could use their computers. He might need a card though… Peter quickly pulled up the search engine and found an Internet cafe. Ah, 24 hour internet cafes, the savior of his college days. There first, and then library, Peter decided. He memorized the instructions and pulled his mask off, tucking it away in the hammer space.

He walked out the alley and turned left, only to double take at his reflection in a shop window that was partially boarded up. Holy shit, he’s a baby. He’s like. 10!

Oh my god.

Peter twitched, tearing himself away from the window before the shop owner decided he was less curious and more potential mugger before promptly remembering that he looked less of a threat than ever. Mixed feelings.

Peter hurried his way to the internet cafe, paying the guy at the front a little extra so he’d ignore the obvious minor without a guardian thing Peter hasn’t gotten used to. Ugh. That was going to be annoying. He only paid for two hours and pulled up as many listings for a room as possible. By the end of it, he came out with $1 worth of fliers printed out and having funneled some billionaire’s offshore accounts into a new bank account he’d made by hacking into the bank servers. Does he feel bad about stealing? Yeah. But Peter’s a vigilante. He’s done worse than nabbing a monthly sum of a couple of hundreds from Lex Luthor’s off shore accounts. He’s not gonna get caught, and considering the guy’s rants on meta humans, Peter’s not feeling particularly guilty about it. He’ll do something good later to make up for it. Once he gets his footholds and can prepare his way back, he’ll even return to the rest of the money. Probably.

Peter left the cafe with his sheaf of flyers, stopping by an informational stand with free tourist maps and plucked one quickly from its plastic holder. He’ll pick something up from the food vendors on his way to the apartments. Peter began walking, taking in the sights of the gargoyles and-

“Nope!” He caught the wrist of a pickpocket. It’s a kid and he immediately felt bad.

“Lemme go. I ain’t done nothing to ya, ya Yorker tourist.”

“Okay,” Peter shrugged. “Don’t get caught the next time?”

The kid gaped at him. “Shi’, you must be really good at it. I’ve never been caught before.”

Peter wisely refrained from telling the kid it was due to his spidey-sense. He let go of the kid’s wrist and let a bit more of his accent out. “Why’d you need money anyways?”

“Food, duh.”

“Dude, I’m starving. Tell you what. You show me the best sub shop nearby and I’ll pay for your food. Deal?”

The kid stared at him, wide eyed. “You’re fuckin’ nuts. Why’re you being nice?”

“I’m hungry? Do we have a deal, kid?”

“… Fuck it. Fine. And don’t call me kid, shrimp. You’re like what, eight?”

Oh. Yeah. Peter’s a kid now. He shrugged.

“I’m older than you. I’m twelve.”

Peter blinked, frowning at how thin the kid’s wrists were.

“I’m Peter!”

“… Frank.”

He let Frank lead the way. Stranger danger doesn’t apply to him, he’s a grown ass man. In the body of a ten year old him, but still. A couple of minutes, four sandwiches and a load of chips later, Frank was watching wide eyed as he demolished three four dollar subs.

“Holy shit. Where are you packing that away? You’re a stick!”

Peter took a big bite of the sandwich as an answer. Frank looked down at his meal.

“Uh. Hey.”

Peter made a muffled noise of question, mouth stuffed full of steak and cheese.

“Sorry about. Uh. Trynna nick from ya.”

Peter chewed faster.

Frank continued, looking like he hated himself. “I wouldn’t… normally steal from shrimps like you but I was desperate and… really hungry, so. My bad.”

Peter finished chewing. “All good, dude. Eat your sandwich.”

Peter had the sudden urge to adopt Frank. Unlike Wayne, he’s not a billionaire, so he smacked that urge down. He could use a friend though. Now… how to be friends with a literal child!

“If you feel that bad about it, you could… be my friend?”

Peter took in the wide eyed gaze from the twelve year old in front of him. Abort! Abort! That was too direct!

“You’re fucking weird. But… okay.”

“That was easy.”

Frank scowled, kicking Peter’s shin.

“Ow!”

“Whatever, shrimp.”

Peter scowled. On his baby face, it came out as a pout.

Do not start beef with a twelve year old, Peter. You’re a grown ass adult.

“Hey, you know I’m new here, right?”

“Duh.” Frank took a bite of his food.

“Can you tell me which one of these are legit?” Peter handed Frank the flyers. He took them, an odd look passing his face.

“You’re looking for a place?”

“Yeah? Why?”

Frank stared at him. Looked back down. He instantly got rid of four listings out of the ten. “These are too close to the Alley. They’re probably traffickers.”

Peter hummed in agreement. Frank paused.

“You’re just gonna trust me on that?”

“Yeah? I can tell when people are lying.” Well, his spidey sense could, when he cared enough about the subject.

“What the fuck.” Frank shoved the rest the papers at him and guiltily munched on his food. “Are Yorkers all just like you?”

“Dunno? Probably not.”

“… Whatever. The rest of the places should work. They probably won’t ask questions.” Frank flapped a hand at Peter’s new situation. Yeah, the shortness was getting to him too.

Peter nodded. Obviously, they were the more expensive places, but considering the new found resources he’d… acquired during his time at the cafe, it doesn’t really matter.

“Cool! Wanna go see it with me?”

Frank immediately took on a suspicious glare. “Why?”

“I dunno? You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just thought since you know your way around…”

“Ugh. Fine. But if there’s anything shady, I’m fucking dipping out.”

“Okay!” Peter grinned for the first time the couple of hours he’d been trapped in this new world.

——

They’d found an apartment with a landlord that got a weird, sad face when she was talking to them about the apartment. After like, an hour of walking around and Peter’s spidey sense screaming at him not to even go near the places Frank had left in the pile of maybe’s.

“We walked all the way here. Ya not even gonna go in?”

“The vibes are off. It’s a no.”

And because Peter’s a genius idiot with no self preservation, he’d marked the places to investigate later.

Frank had blinked at him, mildly offended and nonplussed. After a while of spluttering, he just gave up. Eventually, they got here.

“I don’t normally rent to kids,” the landlord lady said. Peter immediately liked her. “But I’ll make an exception if you’ve got the cash.”

“I’d like to see the unit first, please” Peter said. He’s not stupid, and Gotham’s renting scene is both easier and harder than New York.

They toured it. Peter? He’d seen worse. He’d lived worse. Also, it had two bedroom and was $620. Yeah, Peter was really considering just staying here full time and commuting to his New York when he wanted to be a vigilante.

“I’ll take it, ma’am.” The landlord and Frank both snorted, sharing a Gothamite look.

“It’s Georgie, to you, brat. You just need the first month’s rent, since I’ll wave the deposit for you shrimps. Utilities included. Your friend stayin’?”

“No-” Frank had started.

“Yep!” Peter beamed, interrupting his new friend.

“What?” Frank turned, gaping again at this weird little kid who had enough money to rent a place and then invited a whole ass street kid he just met to live with him. “Are you stupid?! What if I rob you? Huh? I don’t need charity!”

Peter slowly looked around the empty unit.

“Uh.”

“No, that’s not the point!” Frank pointed a finger at Peter. “That’s how you get yourself killed!”

“But that’s why you should stay! I don’t know my way around Gotham so…”

Peter looked up at Frank, using his shortness for maximum devastation. “Please?”

Georgie leaned back on the heels of her feet, silently laughing. It’s not every day she sees a Gothamite street kid get out stubborned by an outsider, but she knows better than anyone that Gotham is weak to genuine kindness. And this Peter kid, the one that reminds her so much of her own? He’s practically filled with it.

“Yeah, kid,” she said to Frank, snickering. “Look at him. He’s gonna get mugged two steps into the Alley. Or anywhere.”

Frank flailed, but eventually, Peter handed over the money to an amused Georgie who gave them two keys in return and a move in gift of a pot pie.

“I gotta. Uh. Go get my stuff.” Frank had mumbled, dazed at whatever the hell just happened.

“Okay! I’ll see if I can go get furniture!”

“And lift them with your shrimpy arm? You wish.”

“I can use a cart.”

And really, he could, because Gotham had a lot of abandoned carts laying around. Like a concerning amount.

“Can you even reach the handle?”

“I’m not that short!”

Frank snorted, Georgie’s own chuckles following a beat after. Peter scowled at them.

“Be right back,” Frank promised, holding the key like it was treasure. He had been homeless for two and a half years now, so in his eyes, that key was as good as gold. He had somewhere warm to stay. Trying to pickpocket Peter was the best mistake he’s ever made in his short life. But he didn’t want to take advantage of that, well, no, he did want to, but he doesn’t want to take the genuine kindness for granted so he’ll see if there’s any street furniture he could haul back on his way.

“Okay!”

Georgie watched him go and turned to Peter.

“If you need stuff, there’s a thrift store and a grocery store that way.” She gave him the directions.

——

As soon as Frank and Georgie left, Peter immediately left his new place (and holy shit, he really didn’t expect things to be this easy. In New York, he had to spend at least a week checking out places because he had to figure out whether the problem that cause subtle twinges with his spider sense was worth living with. Here? It’s too obvious.) to buy supplies. He had $400. Until his new card came in, at least. He’d put his new address into that bank account addressed to a “Anthony Benjamin” before ordering a “replacement card.”

Peter ran to the thrift store, hurrying before the last traces of the sun dipped below the smog of Gotham. A frankly absurd amount of blankets, towels, pillows, clothes, packaged boxers, socks and shoes around his size went into the cart. To his chagrin, Peter couldn’t actually see much over the cart. Why the hell was he such a short ten year old? He blasted through the store, also guesstimating Frank’s sizes. He tossed in curtains, a used set of glow in the dark stars, and a lamp.

He also grabbed mismatched mugs, bowls, a bundle of cutlery, and a dented microwave he casually pretended to struggle getting onto the bottom part of the cart. It’s like lifting grapes for him, but he looks like a ten year old so…

He, guiltily, bought a mildly fancy camera in a set, with two separate lenses, even if one was cracked.

Not bad, for $150 total. Peter is going to definitely seriously consider commuting to New York. They didn’t even care when he walked out with the cart! Well, that might be because of the cashier who gave him a pitying glance.

He stopped by a general store on the way back, parking his cart in a rapidly shadowy alleyway. He swung by the new section of the store that reminded him of a Dollar Tree and got cleaning supplies, toiletries, and two pans and a pot. He grabbed some canned food and a couple of frozen meals in the back. Seasonings, ramen, general pantry staples went in. A role of paper towel. Nice. Venom would have loved this store. With half of his budget blown for essentials, Peter quickly cut his spending off and

He quickly gathered his stuff and went back to the apartment, using his strength a bit to lift the full cart up the stairs at the front doors and into the elevator. It creaked like the first time they used it to go see the apartment, but it worked. Peter set everything up in the living room, pillow and blanket wise, and put everything in its proper place. The lamp was put up, giving more light than the old bulb in the ceiling light.

All Peter wanted to do was pass out, but since his dumbass took in a child, he couldn’t sleep until this place was relatively fit for a kid to live in. He also wanted to wait for

So, that’s what he did. Taking a sponge and the cleaning supplies he’d picked up earlier, Peter tackled the living room, scrubbing away at old stains and spraying mildew. He marked trouble spots- like that splinter worthy piece of floor next to the doorway leading to the hall between the bedrooms. Then the kitchen. By the time Frank cautiously peeked his head in from the front door, Peter had already finished scrubbing the over.

“Hey.”

Peter turned, grime on his face but grinning. “Hey!” I bought some stuff!”

Frank snorted at his face before glancing around the living room, eyeing the cart parked neatly on the side.

“So you did. Didn’t get mugged, did ya?”

“Rude. No, of course not.”

Frank gave him a… frankly… unimpressed look and dumped his bag next to the pile of blankets and pillows Peter had piled onto the floor. Sue hi’, they didn’t have beds yet.

“Got somethin’ for ya,” Frank said neutrally before dragging in…

“A coffee table!” Peter bounced towards Frank, hugging him before lugging in the heavy wooden table in. “You’re the best! Where’d you find it?!”

The tension, anxiety about Peter’s reaction, in Frank’s shoulders relaxed and the kid grinned. “Alley. Some asshole just left it there for anyone to hit with their car so I took it.”

“Nice! We can eat on this!”

——

When they were getting ready for bed, Peter insisting on showers for both of them, Frank had reared up at the clothes Peter bought for him. Peter pretended like he didn’t see anything and shove a whole tube of toothpaste and a new toothbrush at him.

“Ew. Do I have to?” Frank asked, wrinkling his nose but taking the items anyways.

“Yeah.” Peter said seriously. Frank gave a moment to wonder why he was taking orders from an eight year old before shrugging. He could brush his teeth in exchange for a roof over his head, food, and clothes. It’s not even a fair trade, for Peter, anyways. Frank was enough of an alley rat to take advantage of that.

——

When Frank passed out, Peter couldn’t sleep. He’s exhausted, but he couldn’t sleep.

So he took his new camera and climbed the fire escape to the roof top.

An hour later, he met his first vigilante.

“Hey, kiddo. I’m gonna need you to back away from the edge.”

“Woah!” Peter startled, jolting slightly off of the ledge he was balanced on. He twisted around to see Red Robin, hand outstretched and panicked look in his eyes.

“Dude. Warn a guy!” Peter said, even though his spider sense warned him of an approaching person that was actively watching him.

Red Robin held his hands up. “My bad. Would you- uh, not be on that ledge?”

“Yeah, sure. My bad, bro.” Peter obligingly stood up and stepped away from the ledge. Red Robin relaxed then did a double take. Peter frowned. Is there something on his face?

“What are you doing up here, kiddo? It’s late.”

Peter decided to scope out the vigilante. “Couldn’t sleep,” he held up his camera. “I’m taking pictures.”

“Oh. That’s cool! Can I see?” Red Robin approached warily, but relaxed when Peter didn’t spook and try to take a shortcut to ground floor.

“Sure! It’s a new, well, not new but new to me, camera so I haven’t had all that time to mess with the specs but the pictures turned out pretty good-”

“Oh, woah. This one’s great. That composition? Amazing. You caught the light perfectly,” Red Robin complimented. Peter brightened, knowing a photography fan when he hears one.

“Photography buddy!” He cheered.

They talked for an hour after that, but Red Robin quickly sent him to bed once he remembered the time.

“Ah, shi- crap. It’s like 2AM. You’ve gotta go to bed.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry if I interrupted your patrol, Mr. Red Robin!”

“No problem, kid.” Peter slipped back down the fire escape, not caring if the vigilante saw where he lived.

——

Up on the rooftop, Red Robin pressed a hand to his comm.

“Red Robin to Nightwing.”

“What’s up, Red?”

“Do you have a kid you don’t know about?” Tim said, bluntly.

“… What?”

“Oracle, can you share my cowl footage?”

“Copy. Oh, that kid…”

“Looks exactly like Wing?” Tim said, peering down at the empty fire escape. “Yeah. Talked like him too.”

“Oh my god, he’s adorable.” Oracle said. Tim agreed. That curly hair? Baby face? Adorable. A bean. “Did you get DNA?”

“Ah, shit, I knew I forgot something.”

“Do not break into his place and nab a hair,” Nightwing reprimanded, but his voice sounded distracted.

“Holy shit, you guys nerded out about camera placement and lighting for an hour?” Hood piped up.

“Get some rest, Red Robin. You’ve been working too hard,” Batman grunted through the comms. Awkward… but he’s been getting better at communicating his worry for his kids.

“Sure thing, B. Heading back to the main cave. Red Robin out.

——

Peter: lay low and get home

Also Peter: talks to a vigilante

None of them think Peter’s Nightwing’s yet. Peter will know before them… eventually. Once this world’s version of him gives up his memories to be absorbed by AU Peter.

#batman #peter parker #dc x marvel #Peter Parker gets yeeted into Gotham #spiderman #oc #red robin #dark matter #inspidered by the fic dark matter #yes that’s a pun #dick Grayson #nightwing #dick grayson is Richard Parker #richard parker #Oracle #Jason Todd #red hood #tfw you get conan’ed #Peter: making friends one roof top at a time #Spider in Gotham AU

[invinciblerodent]

I know it's not really a popular interpretation that's gonna win me a bunch of brownie points (from what I've seen many seem to like him more as a tortured romantic or a "crouching grouch, hidden softie"), but I personally am growing to really like characterizing Astarion as a... a weird, selfish, jealous little chaos gremlin that, while he of course has his reasons, is just kind of a crappy person, even when he's in love.

Like I can fully see him as someone who, as time passes between the first proposition and the commitment scene (and you're still not throwing yourself at his feet, blubbering and sobbing about how much you love him????? the audacity??????), starts to get annoyed at you every time you talk to someone a bit too long for his liking. Like I have a veritable plethora of shots of the amazing stankfaces and unimpressed scowls he makes over my girl's shoulder (I know it's probably because he's the second in the party lineup, but in-fiction it's still funny), and some of the stills I grabbed from his comment on fixing -and hugging- Karlach are... actually kind of incredible.

Like, if I presented to you with this screenshot:

and told you this is one of the faces he makes when he says "So, the untouchable Karlach is untouchable no more"? You'd probably assume that he's furious about it for some reason.

And there is a part of me kind of thinks he is, at least in a way, furious, because it takes him a few frames to compose himself, and put his pleasant smile back on:

-which is something I saw him do before. Making a very obviously blank/angry/sad face, taking a moment, and putting on a charming face right away. It's not new, really.

These three shots above were taken over the course of like 2 seconds, tops. It's a very subtle, "blink and you miss it" type of thing, but that's.... honestly all I need to think that Karlach suddenly being an actual option to you (in his weird, at this point in time very "physicality first" POV) is pissing him the fuck off. Like you doing that for her, collecting and lugging scrap metal around, and seeking out Dammon, means that you care for Karlach in some way. Which, then, makes her an opponent in his vying to be the sole recipient of your attention, and he won't suffer even an unknowing adversary. (And in my case, the object of his slowly blooming affections even hugged Karlach! Like right in front of his face!! What arrogance!!!!!! That's just rude, frankly!!!!!!)

I totally can imagine him being the type of person who, before starting a relationship, would use his lack of a need for rest to snoop through your belongings.

As someone who would casually violate your (and others') privacy in little ways, while holding his own sacred.

As someone who'd spy on your interactions with all the other companions from a crack in his tent's opening, and grip his bedroll in anger watching you dance with Wyll ("don't kiss him, don't kiss him, please don't kiss him, if you kiss him I'm fucked"), or steal your journal and get actually mad at you and be unreasonably acerbic to you the next day if it's in a language he doesn't understand.

This kind of also extends to me kind of imagining him as a boyfriend who, once he gets a bit more comfortable with physical affection, will just casually step up to you, and drape an arm around your waist or shoulders while you're talking to someone, to signal almost a sort of ownership. Someone who will make goading faces at anyone who dares look at you too long, or pull you against him in a brazen display if he catches someone checking you out. Like he'd piss on your leg to mark his territory if he could, but he'll settle for leaving a very obvious, crusted over bite mark on your neck if he must.

And yeah, that would get very annoying to any real person, but like I said about Gale before.... I think your character has got to be at least slightly not normal about them, just to match how profoundly not normal they are about you.

... Anyway, do carry on, I just like this edgy dumbass, I like him being both edgy and a dumbass, and him trying to slowly be better about this whole "~~relationship~~" thing is making my little heart happy

(yes, there's the Halsin thing. I have thoughts. But I won't kick the hornet's nest lol.)

#squirrel plays bg3 #i don't like possessiveness irl but in fiction? kinda good shit #and I kinda like the idea of Iona being a touch possessive in return too #not in the “you're MINE” way #but in the “well the truth is rather more complex; but as far as you're concerned I suppose you're welcome to think of him as mine” way #“you know; for convenience's sake; functionally mine in this specific scenario” #and she catches on of course- she knows that he's doing it out of insecurity #and in her mind the best she can do is lean into it #that possessive touch is a call for reassurance #and her letting it happen (and tbh enjoying it) is giving him that reassurance #again i could talk at length about her husband and sham-marriage #but it's nice to her to be wanted knowing that it's not as a trophy #not as "the perfect and demure; un-aging elven wife” #but as.... whatever she is to him at this point #yknow? yknow

[brainwormsprompts]

TMA x The Mechanisms: The Bet

So the other Mechanisms notice that Jonny is in a funk after Out (sry folks, Out is canon here) and in an effort to try and distract and/or cheer him up, they offer up a bet. The details of the bet are up to you but the end goal means that Jonny ends up pretending to be Jonathan Sims the Archivist and works at the Magnus Institute.

Who else is in on the bet and what they have to do is up to you. If you don't want to write all of the Mechs, you can have this happen during the Bifrost Incident so Raph, Ivy, and Marius are imprisoned on Midguard. Ashes as Basira would be a particular choice done for irony purposes and to make sure that Jonny isn't the only one suffering (you can't tell me that they wouldn't be petty like that). Now TS could be Nikola oooorrrr we can go with a potentially angsty option and have Nikola take TS's voicebox (remember, it has to follow any orders given to it). Those are the major characters who share VAs with the Mechs so those are really the only ones I have a suggestion on.

Now one of the bets is to prevent any coworkers they have from knowing that they are immortal space pirates. This is part of the reason why Jonny puts on the skeptic attitude for the Archivist. He definitely has a group chat where he's making fun of the statements, the statement givers, and the institute in general. However, when the connections between the tapes start coming, he gets invested and actually starts caring a bit. (You can't tell me that he wouldn't.) I can also see him eating the teeth apple from Lionel Elliot gleefully (TS has probably given weirder things to eat).

Now, Jonny probably knows that Elias is older than a normal human because of his eyes. So in the interview, he tenses up and try purposefully asks if Elias has met with Dr. Carmilla and is thus another Mechanism. Elias is confused and denies it and then Jonny puts back the actor mask and it goes fairly normally.

Jonny is absolutely not going to get in the way of Tim and his revenge. In fact, I can see him inciting it and encouraging him to be destructive. With the Unknowing coma, there's probably a Mechanism sitting nest to Jonny at all times. This is both out of concern for him (bc he should be awake, his Mechanism healed him, why isn't he awake?) and to mitigate panic when he wakes up. Dr. Carmilla has left a lot of hospital trauma to them and they are a tight knit bunch who are there for each other.

At the America trip, Jonny's inviting one of the other Mechs along. (It's America, we have guns and violence in spades, it sounds like a playground for these chaos space gremlins.) They steal the skin book and maybe kill Trevor and Julia. Though they may or may not release Gerry in a timely manner, he's only been suffering for a couple decades at most while they've been around for millenia, he can hold on for an extra couple of month.

Jonny is laughing internally when Daisy makes him dig his own grave and then threatens him. He's making faces to Ashes when they come to try and talk Daisy down (if they do that). Jonny is definitely giving Daisy points for making him dig his own grave when the secret gets out. He is not gonna interfere with Ashes' decision about joining the Archives. The Mechanisms know all about the Archive drama and they are immortal space pirates, they can make their own decisions. However, he is ready to back them whether or not they want to murder Elias or not.

Jonny's probably going to take the Archivist powers in stride and is trying to exploit them on the rest of the Mechs while he can. He's long considered himself morally corrupt so not being human and getting cool narrative powers sounds cool. The Mechanisms have also tried to let the Assistants quit after killing Jonny hoping that his Mechanism regains slow enough for them to make it.

One thing's for sure. Elias nor the Earth at large is ready for the chaos these space pirates are going to bring with them.

#tma #the magnus archives #the mechs #the mechanisms #tma x mechanisms #prompt

[jellytiger]

Quiz for your fandom age: https://uquiz.com/quiz/1CRtEL?p=3228459 Made by darkshrimpemotions

I didn't think this was a posible outcome. 

#uquiz

[finnglas]

lmao i took that fandom age quiz

fully expecting to get the wine aunt/uncle result because I know there are elders older than me

but what I got

is the most flattering result I've ever gotten on anything ever

Unknowable Chaos Gremlin

You are ageless. Who knows when or from whence you came? Not me, and maybe not even you. You know all the little fandom shibboleths, but mostly employ these incorrectly on purpose to watch fandom elders' faces turn red. You think rules were meant to be broken and miss the days when the internet was a lawless land. Not gonna lie, I'm kinda with you on that last part. Shine on, you little weirdo!

UNKNOWABLE CHAOS GREMLIN

[thehuntyhunties]

The wizard is Biscuit.

OOOOOH interesting!!!! @mysandwichranaway had also suggested Netero as the wizard and I find both of these suggestions deeply compelling! [steeples fingers]

The fun thing is what whether Bisky or Netero is the wizard, Killua gets to have a mildly antagonistic relationship with them, which i find extremely funny to imagine given that in actual sdv the Wizard stays kind of... aloof? Poised? Mystically mysterious? even as the he gets friendly with the player. There's always that kind of Wise And Unknowable Aura about him. But if Bisky were the local wizard you KNOW that she's (a) much more social in general and (b) happily giving Killua a hard time (although I bet they'd actually become friends). Netero as the wizard would be an absolute gremlin, he'd be trying out wild-ass magic for the fun of it and causing moderate chaos and heeheehoohoo-ing away before Mito is able to swat him with a broom, and he's ALSO giving Killua a hard time for fun.

#sdv au #asks #carochinha

[shychangling]

A I am rather unknowable u.u.

#uquiz

[hellfireloserclub]

Eddie hated the snow. 

No that was a lie, he hated the way people acted when it snowed. 

Panic and chaos and an inability to use the brains that they were born with. 

The radio had reported several pile ups on the roads around Hawkins and despite the news telling people that they shouldn't leave the house, people seemed determined to carry on regardless.

He watched as the snow pooled at the end of the drive, golf ball sized nuggets falling down past the street lights in a constant drift.

Sure it looked nice, everything coated in a soft powder of white, the world dulled to a muffled stillness. But Eddie couldn’t help but think it looked like the regurgitated partials of the upside down.

He was trying his damndest not to think about it. 

The twinkling lights that decked the halls of the other houses in the street looked innocent enough, but the party ducked away from the rainbow glow that illuminated the neat and tidy lawns blanketed in undisturbed white. 

To anyone who hadn't been in the upside down�� it was peaceful and serenity laden, to the people who had, the erie void was unsettling, it made him jumpy, the silence holding unknowable monsters, the type he himself had slowly become before the others had dragged him back, freed him from the grasp of damnation. 

So yeah Eddie wasn't the biggest fan of the snow, no matter how many crude( and one damn right pornographic) snowmen he and the kids had constructed out on his front lawn. Aches wracked his body where the skin was thin from grafts and stitches, his hands throbbed where the bones never quite regained their warmth, but he would do it a million times over as long as he got to see his kids being kids, big balled snowmen and all. 

Eddie's house had become an unofficial stopping place for the whole group.

A tree stood partly decorated in the corner where the kids had been called home before they had managed to get all the baubles on, Christmas Eve calling them back to their own families, and as much as he had complained about them causing nothing but trouble, he already missed them. 

The house was too quiet without Wayne, who despite not having to work the night shift anymore had picked it up regardless, saying that ‘them what had young un’s should be at home on christmas.’ Eddie had wanted to complain that he should be home too, but it would just have fallen on deaf ears, being stubborn ran in the family after all. 

So now he had a tree and a handful of presents wrapped beneath it, ready for the hour or so that he and Wayne would get to share on 'the big day', that was if he could get back from the plant in the snow. 

The tree was probably the last one on the lot, scraggly and already dropping needles all over the rug. The front was laden but the back was naked and bare; they had all jostled for prime position at the front of the tree. Homemade decorations and leftover Halloween trinkets, plastic bats and anatomically incorrect skellingtons dotted the branches. It leaned worryingly away from the wall, threatening to topple at any moment. 

Eddie loved it. 

He was just scooping sabbath ( the small black three legged cat that the gremlins had saved from the remnants of what used to be the arcade, full name ser sabbath of black first of his name, ruler of the charred remains … but that was a mouth full and only uttered when he inevitably did a toxic shit in someone's shoes by the door ) out of a death pounce on the low hanging ornaments, when the phone rang. 

Sabbath swatted at his face, angry at the restraint when tree murder was afoot. But upon  realising that the restraining power of his human was too much, he returned to his second favourite pastime. Sucking on Eddie's hair. Purring away and slurping loudly in one ear as Eddie swung the receiver up to his other.

"I don't want to hear about how I should be rotting in hell." He said instead of hello.

"Been there and done that already,and you didn't even send me a postcard" Steve's voice crackled down the line. Eddie couldn't help but smile. It was the Harrington charm, he wasn't immune to its hypnotic ways, in fact he was becoming less immune by the day.

“Was kind of a little busy raising an army of the dead sweetcheeks, didn't have time for a wish you were here.” he knew steve would be able to hear his grin down the line but he didn’t care, he had managed to play off his burgeoning infatuation on the other man as ‘just being Eddie’ enough times that it would be strange and worrying if he didn’t flirt at this point.

"Good job I got bored and  crashed the party then, I would have hated not to see your summer home, although I expected hell to be a bit warmer " Steve joked back down the line, Eddie could hear the sound of the bell above the door to the bakery but Steve didn’t seem to want to acknowledge that right now, Eddie couldn’t help but wonder who was stupid enough to go and buy baked goods on Christmas eve in a snowstorm. “Couldn’t have picked Florida or something for the summer?”

"Have to maintain this healthy pallor somehow…” Eddie winced a little as Sabbath bit down on his ear,

"Couldn’t possibly let you get a tan.Don't want you to look like a day walker…" 

"Oh Stevie, talk nerdy to me, you know how to turn a man on …" 

 Eddie could almost feel the chuckle down the line. Warm and sweet and one of his most favourite sounds. 

"As fun as this is ,I'm in the middle of stopping my first born from climbing and destroying a 100% legal Christmas tree." 

"Why is Dustin in the tree?" 

"No…That would be your first born daddy Harrington." 

"Really? I thought we had joint custody or at least a timeshare on that one…" 

"I've got my hands full with…" at that point sabbath decided to scream at the top of his lungs. 

" I did wonder what the sucking sound was, and was worried I was interrupting something." 

"Oh Steve, chance would be a fine thing … speaking of fine things? Did this call have a reason or…" 

" Oh shit …yeah I need you to come save me." 

" Does the damsel need saving from distress?" 

"I need you to give me a ride-"

"Promises promises…" Eddie could almost hear the eye roll from the other end of the phone . But Steve continued on regardless.

"- I can't get the car out of the lot and I sent Robin home hours ago…" 

"-What the lady wagon isn't performing? Dunno why you're still driving that pretentious thing about." 

"A free car is a free car…" 

"Yet nobody else seemed to pick the prettiest car in the lot." Eddie huffed but there was no passion behind it, he had already locked the cat in the bedroom and was reaching for his keys. 

" You know you are the manager, you could have closed up early right?"  He didn't wait for the answer before hanging up the phone and pulling on his coat. 

*****

When Eddie pulled into the parking lot of the cafe he had never been happier that Wayne had insisted on him fitting snow tires. 

The roads were lined with abandoned cars, people deciding the walk would be safer than the icy conditions, even Eddie's truck, designed to withstand the worst that Hawkins could throw at it, struggled to hold tight to the road. 

Eddie had slowly driven past Hopper at the bottom of the hill that led up to loc Nora, he had hazard cones and had blocked off the road, failed attempts to climb the hill gathered behind the warning barriers and Hopper looked so red and angry thay Eddie had been surprised the snow around him hadn't melt. Eddie had sounded the horn and the lawman  greeted him with a wave of the hand as he pulled his scarf tighter around his neck. 

Joyce waved at him happily from the passenger seat of the cruiser, hands bundled round something hot and steaming in a cup from the bakery.

Eddie beeped his horn again as he pulled to a stop in the staff parking space next to what he assumed must be the heap of snow that was once Steve's beloved car. 

Steve stood next to the door, helping old Mrs Fitzwarren with the door as she cradled a drink in one hand and what looked like enough baked goods to feed a small army in the other. 

The older lady wobbled a little on the snow  and Eddie was quick to jump from the car and race to catch her, saving the bag of pastries and the woman from a slippery end. 

To her other side Steve had darted forward grabbing the drink before it flew all over her fluffy white coat.

"Hey now Mrs F, can't have you breaking a leg, can I give you a lift home?"  Eddie swore the woman must be pushing ninety yet she was out in this atrocious weather and Eddie couldn't quite understand why. She smiled at Eddie, a big bright thing that stretched all the way to her eyes. 

"Oh Edward, that's very sweet of you, but I wouldn't like to keep you from your young man." She patted him on the arm adjusting her grip and Eddie felt her wobble again. 

"Not taking no for an answer Mrs .Fitzwarren, let me just lock up and get you home" Steve caught Eddie's eye over the top of the shorter woman's head. He was trying to hide it behind the fall of his bangs but Eddie could see the flush on the other man's cheeks, he knew better than to hope it was from anything but the cold. Steve handed the drink over to Eddie and he manoeuvred his hold on the bag of sweet treats. When Steve  was sure Eddie had the old lady firmly secured, he turned his attention back to the bakery, Eddie kept half an eye on him as he settled Mrs Fitzwarren into his passenger seat and secured her in with a smile ( making sure to knock his radio to something a little more senior appropriate, and cringing a little when wham filled the car as he starred the engine) 

Steve was soon bundling himself into the back of the truck, four to-go cups in a carrier and what looked like all the leftovers from that day's bakes in a large brown bag. 

Steve might be 'the hair' but Eddie was rather enamoured with the whole package. And right now with his crowning glory tucked tightly under a woolly bobble hat and skin bitten by the cold, Eddie couldn't help but stall as he let his eyes linger on the moles on his cheek, the dry skin on his lips as he pulled it between his teeth smiling sheepishly back at Eddie in the dull light of the safety light. 

"Still living on the corner of elm, Mrs F?" Eddie snapped his head forward again, fiddling with the wipers to clear some of the relentless snow. He had to stop staring at Steve like this, it was becoming a habit, and it was just going to end up with him getting hurt. 

Steve was his friend, to use the habit he had gained from the man himself Friend with a capital F. 

He had long ago stopped thinking that this flirting was anything more than a little fun,but if one of the oldest residents of Hawkins thought that Steve was 'his boy' maybe it had become too much of a thing and he should start pulling it back a little. 

He had been called a fag and a freak his entire life, he didn't want Steve to go through that just because Eddie was too stupid and let his mouth run faster than his brain sometimes. 

They pulled up outside a little one story house at the end of Elm and Eddie helped the old woman to the door, turning down ten dollars in favour for a kiss on the cheek and a promise that she would call if she needed absolutely anything at all. 

“Are you sure there isn’t anything else you need?” 

"No Steven made sure that I wouldn’t go hungry” she shook the bag in her hand,” go on, It’s Christmas eve, you and your young man don't need to be fussing over an old woman like me." 

"Not my man,Mrs F." 

"Does he know that ?" she said sagely waving over his shoulder towards the truck, Eddie didn’t dare turn to look, he knew Steve had moved over to the front seat, even with the snow muffling the sound, the clunk of his passenger door was unmistakable.  “Take it from an old crone, do what makes you happy, you’re a long time dead.” 

"Sounds like sage advice, from a wise woman, Merry Christmas" He waited until she closed the door before heading back to the truck,turning his collar up even more to the bleaching snow. 

Steve was fiddling with the radio when he got in. The four cups steamed up the windscreen where he had placed them on the dash. Now they were alone Eddie took the chance to really look at the other man, all flushed cheeks and cosy Christmas sweaters. 

It was hopeless, he was hopeless, he was stupidly smitten with this human embodiment of a carebear and he wasn't sure when or how it had happened. 

Steve Harrington was a hundred percent not his type, he was preppy and pretty and he was soft with the occasional hard edges…and Eddie was completely gone. 

"What?" Steve asked looking up at him from below his stupidly long eyelashes, the glasses he now wore only emphasised them, he defied anyone not to look at Steve Harrington and not fall a little bit in love with him. Hell, half of Hawkins worshipped him still if the amount of home delivery's Eddie had helped with this week was an indication. A scared up face and a permanent limp had done nothing to make him less endearing. 

"Just wondering what wham did to offend you ?" 

"I work in retail Ed's, do you know how many times I've had to listen to that damn song today alone?" 

Eddie rolled his eyes but didn't miss the way Steve lent back into his arm as he used Steve's headrest to steady himself as he looked round to reverse. Eddie told himself it wasn't selfish when he slid his hand back on to Steve's headrest as they headed back towards loc Nora.  

*****

"Thanks for the drinks, but the answer's still no." 

" Come on Hop, this thing can go off road, it can make it up a little hill …" Eddie should have known this was going to happen, it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen this on the way through to collect Steve, but it didn’t look like Hopper was budging on this, not even an inch. Behind him sipping at the steaming cup of coco that Steve had just handed her, Joyce looked poised to back up her partner if need be. Hopper was a pussycat compared to Joyce in full momma bear mode, it even put Steve to shame.

"And the last thing I want is Wayne and Claudia coming after me because their two favourite boys are down in the morgue." she didn’t look like she was going to back down, fixing Eddie with almost as stern a look as she would one of her own kids.

"Holy Satan's armpit” Eddie threw his hands up in the air in defeat “and I thought I was the dramatic one…" Steve laughed at that, he didn't seem too put out by this turn of events.

"I'll just crash at yours, not like I don't have things at yours already." Steve shrugged, Eddie tried his hardest to ignore the way Hopper's eyebrows almost disappeared into his hairline. "And anyway, it's Christmas eve, I was planning on spending it at yours anyway, now it's just a sleepover." 

Eddie knew when he was beat, he wasn't going to win this fight, and plus if Steve was at his he would feel less guilty about him in that big house all on his own. The smile on Steve’s face was worth admitting defeat. 

“Who knew, between the two of you, it almost makes a fully functioning adult…” Hopper winced as Joyce dug him in the ribs with her elbow, leaning past him as Eddie started to wind up the window. 

“You boys are both still coming for dinner tomorrow?” 

“Like we would miss out on your potato’s moma J.” Steve said it with such love that Eddie was sure even Hopper wouldn’t be able to make fun of him. “Four pm on the dot and I made a pudding, Robin took it with her when she left today.” 

Joyce’s face lit up, and Eddie knew that even if they had to walk the two of them would. The end of the world ( again) wouldn’t stop them from family dinner at the Hopper- Byers house. 

“We will be over as soon as we've seen Wayne, he’s on nights.”  Steve nudged Eddie to start winding up the window again as the snow picked up.

“Well tell him I’ll make him a plate.” Joyce yelled over the flurry of snow as she retreated to the warmth of Hopper's patrol car. The man himself nodded before following in her wake,  nobody was getting anywhere if they didn’t leave soon. 

*****

The truck was quiet as they made their way towards Eddie's place. Steve hadn’t turned the music back on, staring at the snow falling ahead of them almost lost in thought. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but he knew sometimes Steve could get caught up in his own thoughts like this, and it was best to let him come back to you on his own terms. 

Eddie instead concentrated on getting them home in one bit. But even as he turned his attention to the dangerous roads his mind was wandering itself. 

He was starting to think that he was missing something, everyone seemed to be referring to them as a unit, Eddie and Steve, Steve and Eddie. Was it just because more and more the two of them were spending all their free time together? 

But even Steve had referred to them as a WE. 

Steve, who  wanted to spend Christmas eve with him, wanted to be there when Wayne got home so that he could wish him all the best. 

They were going to go to a family dinner together, and he would bet his Warlock on him and Steve being sat next to each other around the extended table tomorrow. At what point in the last three years had they become so intricately wrapped up in eachother? 

Thankfully his street came into view before he could over think himself too much. 

“What exactly is going on between the two snowmen at the back there?”  Steve asked as they reached the house.

Careful not to plough the truck into the snow that was built up at the end of the drive he parked up. 

“Well you see… when one snowman loves another snowman-” Steves gloved hand came up to slap itself across his face. He mumbled the rest of his explanation into the warm wool as Steve rolled his eyes so hard that his glasses almost slid down his nose. 

“I can’t believe you built a snowman orgy in your yard…” 

“I didn’t. mini Wheler and Byers did, encouraged by the rest of your nuggets, they are too wise for their age, and they're starting to give me grey hairs.”

“Should I be concerned about them? Do we need to give them the talk?” 

“They have had every talk I could think of wanting for myself, they want to make us grand pops, that’s on them.” Steves face went through a series of emotions and Eddie wondered how he ever used to find this man difficult to read. He wore his heart on his sleeve, once you got past his defences at least. 

 "Come on big boy, let's get you in and out of this cold," he grinned, offering up his arm for Steve to grab as they manoeuvred the slippery, compacted snow. 

"Are you planning on warming me up?"  

"Does that line ever actually work ? " Eddie asked, pushing the door open and shaking the snow off his boots. 

"First time I used it. I'll have to let you know.”

He was clearly avoiding looking at Eddie, but what he said? It was loaded with something that bordered on honesty. That was another thing, sometimes flirting, it was so raw and open,it felt so real…

Eddie was about to say something back when Steve let out a happy yelp.

 It was almost adorable the way he dashed over to the christmas tree as soon as he saw it, boots and coat thrown to the side with almost childlike enthusiasm.

Steve was still avoiding eye contact as Eddie joined him accepting his own drink as he passed. His name was written on the side, the I in his name topped with a heart rather than a dot.  

A god damn heart. What the hell was Eddie supposed to do but melt a little more inside. 

Steve was looking at the baubles, smiling at the ones the kids had made, their names written in puffy paint and decorated in varying levels of skill ( Will)  and effort ( Mike).  He was currently spinning a red bauble  with both their names on, it kept catching in the light of the static bulbs that El had tried her hardest not to put on with her powers, but that still looked a little too uniform for Eddie to not think that she had cheated just a little.

When Steve let go the tree wobbled a little, toppling a little further towards them. Steve dutifully started moving the ornaments so the entire thing wasn't front heavey.

"Did sabbath do that to the tree or…" Steve began, but on hearing his name, Sabbath started scratching and yelling at the bedroom door. 

“Did you lock my son in your room , you monster?” 

Eddie couldn't help but smile, between Steve  trying to move the ornaments on the tree so that they weren't all crowded around the front, and the absolute blissful happiness on his face. What else was he supposed to do?  

“The tree would have been on the floor if I had left him, someone needed saving, remember?”

"My hero." Steve pretended to swoon, his hat hair just added to the full effect. 

The smile hit him like a freight train at high velocity. Was that the way Steve always looked at him? Had he never noticed it before now? Steve wore the same hopelessly devoted face that Hopper did when he smiled at Joyce, and he had it directed at him. 

At a loss for how to calm his racing heart, Eddie released the cat, the creature ran straight to Steve and climbed his leg, perching himself in his favourite spot on Steve's left shoulder. He could hear the purr from across the room. Steve thankfully broke eye contact and turned his attention to the tiny warrior that was digging its claws into his ugly holiday sweater.

And didn't that make the perfect Christmas picture. The man he loves frames in the low lights cast from a chaotic Christmas tree, decorated by the people he loved most in the world.  

All that was missing was the star. 

But that was easily fixed. 

Grabbing the last ornament he joined Steve again by the tree. This time however the other man was too caught up playing with the cat to acknowledge the paper star Eddie was wielding in his direction.

"Traitor." 

"Me or the cat?" 

"Jury's out on that one." He swapped out the coco for the star, popping the cups on the side table, smiling as Steve turned the glittery monstrosity over in his hands. 

"You murder a fairy for all this glitter ? " 

"Me? No … El and Erica however? I'm claiming plausible deniability. They did however want to leave it for you to do."  

"I know I shouldn't have favourites…" 

"I don't think you're supposed to be terrified of your favourite child." 

"Really because I think a fear of Erica is more of a survival instinct at this point." 

"Shut up and put your bloody star on my bloody tree Harrington" 

"Is that what the kids are calling it these days?" Steve grinned but was already reaching for the top of the tree, sabbath sensing his chance made a jump for it, it was like slow motion the tree the cat and the two humans upending on the floor in a jumble of Christmas tat and tinsel. 

Steve lay with his head pressed into Eddie's neck where he had grabbed on as they tumbled trying to catch the tree, Eddie had automatically reached to cradle the other man's head as he fell to the ground not wanting him to get another stupid concussion. 

Steve was pinned under him; he was laughing uncontrollably, his chest vibrating where it pressed tightly against Eddie's own. 

"OK there sweetheart?" He was pressed so close to Steve that he felt the way his heart raced at the endearment. It gave Eddie a little more boldness. "Baby? You didn't bang your head again or anything did-"

He didn't get a chance to finish his question, Steve, displaying all that strength that he now hid under layers of softness rolled him over so he had the higher ground, he only had a second to appreciate this new development before Steve surged forward, capturing his lips with his own. 

Steve's nose was still cold, that was what he noticed first, not the taste of the hot chocolate or the feeling of Steve's lips against his own, it was the realisation that Steve was cold. It confused his brain, Steve was bright colours and warm sunny days, cinnamon swirls and coffee, warm hugs and dazzling smiles, Eddie's brain was confused. And it must have been enough to show because Steve made to pull away when Eddie didn't immediately kiss him back. 

"I don't think so princess…" Eddie finally got to twist his hands into Steve's hair the way he wanted to, pleased when the other man gave him a content sigh as he pulled him down and joined their lips together. 

He took it slow, wanting to learn this strange new addition to their relationship, because that was what they were, Steve and Eddie,Eddie and Steve. A  couple that weren't , but always had been.

Steve deepened the kiss,pressing Eddie harder into the floor, hands exploring wherever he could; he had just brought his hand up to cup Eddie's face when he let out a small yelp.

Sabbath had won his battle with his string of Christmas lights. He dragged the still lit ornaments and sat proudly on the arch of Steve's shoulders, claws digging in as he showed off his prize. 

"Our child is a menace" Steve grinned down at him 

"He gets it from you" 

"I am not a menace, I am adorable hes nothing like me ." 

"I dunno, sharp claws destructive nature, bit of a bitch,all quite attractive attributes," Steve silenced him with another kiss, the movement making sabbath yell around his mouthful of cable . "As much as I love you both, we should probably stop the cat chewing on electricity. I've seen national lampoon's , I'm not explaining that one to the kids" 

It took Eddie a moment to realise why Steve was grinning at him like a man possessed, and another moment for Eddie to retract the cat's claws from Steve's back so he could sit them both up and inspect the damage. 

He had really just come out and said it hu? He avoided looking at Steve as he righted the tree. 

He had only just gotten the nerve to kiss him and he was already blurting out love confessions? Who was he and what had he done with the real Eddie?

They worked in silence. He started picking up the ornaments and Steve busied himself putting the lights back on the tree, the entire time sabbath circled their feet waiting for another chance to defeat the deadly lights. 

As Eddie passed Steve the star again the other man moved closer. Placing the star on top of the tree he swung back down resting his arms around Eddie's neck. 

" Just so we're on the same page… I love you too Eddie."  

The kiss was gentil this time, not frantic like the previous one, Eddie broke it after a few moments just so he could check to make sure that Steve was actually real.

Then the fairy lights( and all the other lights too ) blinked out of existence.

" you know I'm starting to think the arcade fire wasn't an accident" 

 They both looked down at sabbath who had somehow managed to chew clear through the wire, he didn't even look remorseful.

But Eddie was finding it hard to care. What was some lights when his life was so full of love. 

#steve harrington #steddie #eddie munson #stranger things #stranger things christmas #fic #this thing has killed me so its not eddited just take it #being sick fucking sucks

[lexbtskp]

#uquiz

[vagrantblvrd]

Cannot stop thinking about the whole bounty hunter thing, right?

So.

The one where Din - Very Tired and Very Put Upon Din - is tasked with bringing in this Utter Menace Luke Skywalker.

By a very lovely, very terrifying Leia Organa-Solo.

“...Alive?”

He doesn’t get the feeling as annoyed as Organa-Solo seems that she wants this Skywalker dead, but it’s always nice to get a confirmation on that one. Cuts down on confusion/dissatisfied clients.

Din is mildly concerned at the long moment of silence that follows his question - the scruffy looking man beside seems to be as well -

“Leia, he’s your brother,” said scruffy looking man says, and which Din is careful not to show a reaction to because what is wrong with these people???

Organa-Solo sniffs disdainfully, and if Din wasn’t so concerned at his precarious situation, what with being in the New Republic’s seat of power and all the armed guards and such, he’d be out of there so damned fast!!1!

But.

Precarious position and so on.

“If you must,” she finally allows, which makes the scruffy looking man drop his face into his hands and muttering to himself about marrying into a family of dramatic assholes.

Organa-Solo doesn’t react as if this is something that happens frequently, and anyway, none of Din’s business, so.

Din - Very Tired and Very Put upon Din - accepts.

Because there’s really no other choice when someone in Organa-Solo’s position of power “asks” him to do his damn job, right?

And then Din and wacky shenanigans in chasing after this Skywalker guy, right? Hopping from planet to planet and just a little too late to catch him the first few times.

He almost thinks Skywalker is toying with him - but then that time on some dusty little planet somewhere where he actually sees Skyalker, goes after him where the bastard realizes he has a Mandalorian bounty hunter on his tail?

And the guy is like :O! at first, which is vaguely gratifying/kind of exhausting?

(Gratifying in that sometimes the reputation Mandalorians have gained for themselves is helpful in this line of work, exhausting because, you know, they have that sort of reputation and it’s just. A Lot sometimes.)

Anyway.

After a chase though a bus marketplace and so on, to Din’s frustration and what is wrong with these people, Skywalker is laughing at him???

Escapes, because of course he does, leaving Din in a predicament involving annoyed locals and an fines and such for the damages incurred in said chase through a busy marketplace.

To Din’s surprise, Organa-Solo tells him she’ll handle the fines herself when he calls her to let her know per their contract agreement - that he’s finally made contact with Skywalker.

(Also the part where he was arrested and apparently there’s a note in his file/whatever that if something like this would happen whoever arrested him was to have Din contact her or some other plot convenient reason in which Din wonders what horrible thing he must have done for luck like this. Also. What is wrong with these people???)

After Din’s released and goes back to chasing after Skywalker he makes the unpleasant realization that he had no idea what Organa-Solo meant when she categorized Skywalker as an Utter Menace.

Chasing Skywalker was frustrating as hell before their little meeting, but afterwards when he knows for certain Din’s after him?

He’s a nightmare.

Sets up obstacles and distractions in the way now, people coming up to Din when he’s this close to catching the bastard on some planet and being all soft and scared and in need of help a Mandalorian bounty hunter like Din can’t say no to?

Stories laced with tragedy or quiet sorrows and there was a man - nice young man - who said he was a friend of this bounty hunter who’d be right after him who could help. They don’ have a lot of money, but would gladly give what they do have to Din if he can help and it’s like.

He can’t say no to them, now can he? Not when he sees the look on their faces and hears their stories and as aggravating as Skywalker and this whole...nonsense to do with him Din’s caught up in, some things are more important.

And if Din catches Skywalker’s eye across that crowded marketplace and sees this odd little smile on his face, something to it that Din has to look away from like Skywalker knew Din wouldn’t turn someone in need away the way he should, because Skywalker is right there and Din’s a bounty hunter, well. That’s a thing that happens sometimes.

(The same way he’ll catch a glimpse of a hooded figure in black at the edges of a gunfight/shitshow Din gets himself into helping whatever person Skywalker’s tossed his way this time lending Din a hand before disappearing in the smoke and chaos once everything’s over.)

Thing continue on like that for a while until Din catches up to Skywalker on some planet somewhere. Tracks him to the ruins of what looks like a temple of some sort and they get ambushed by other bounty hunters hired by Imperial remnants and then it’s working together to not die horribly.

Trudging through the jungle to get back to their ships after wacky shenanigans and death-defying escapes and such.

Skywalker amused about something the whole time, not even putting up a fight or trying to escape, which is just. What is wrong with these people???

Skywalker just shrugs when Din asks, odd little smile on his face and laughter in his eyes and -

“Go to sleep, Skywalker. We’ll be at the ships in the morning.”

Which they do, and Din’s giving his a looking over suspecting sabotage or whatever because that would be just his luck after the last few days - weeks, months, however long since he was brought before Organa-Solo and her consort/husband/???

Skywalker’s sitting at the edge of the clearing they’d both used o lad their ships, sitting on a fallen log, face turned up to soak in the warmth of the sun and looking so.

Serene, content.

Like he’s not been caught by the bounty hunter on his trail after nearly being taken/killed by another set of bounty hunters and Imperial remnants and Din knows, alright, he’s known for a while that this isn’t his usual kind of job.

Never mind it was given to him by someone like Organa-Solo, just. Skywalker and the kinds of messes he stumbles into that Din inevitably stumbles into as well.

Din stares at Skywalker for a long moment, and sighs.

Annoyed at himself because something about Skywalker and his everything and Din is so, so annoyed at himself as he tosses the keys to the cuffs Skywalker’s wearing and walks away from the whole damn thing.

“Hey!”

Because maybe Din tossed said keys at Skywalkers head, but that’s neither here nor there.

Din doesn’t look back at Skywalker as he goes into his ship, sure as hell doesn’t look down at him watching Din take off, leave his damn bounty behind because he knows that would as much a mistake as having taken the bounty in the first place.

He contacts Organa-Solo, tells her he lost track of Skywalker and pretends he doesn’t see the knowing look on her face or hear the quiet breath of laugh before she tells him it’s what happens when someone tries to bring someone like him in.

Tells him he can keep what payment she gave him in advance, that she’ll send him the rest and good luck with everything else and that’s that for the bounty, perhaps they can work together in the future sometime.

He doesn’t trust it at first, of course, suspects a trap or some other trick, but as time goes by he realizes none seems to be in store for him.

And then he goes back to Mandalore, because he’s got a kid waiting on him, and also the whole...Darksaber bit and anyway, anyway, he’s got a lot going on in his life.

Months later, though, and he’s...somewhere...kid asleep in his arms and some drink or other in front of him in a quiet little bar on some quiet little world somewhere and a hooded figure in black takes a seat across from him.

Has this odd little smile on his face when he pulls his hood down, eyes taking in the tiny green gremlin of a kid in Din’s arms.

Din himself.

“You know,” Skywalker muses, amused about something. “I never did ask what my sister offered you to being me in.”

He says it like it’s nothing, like it’s normal for his sister to place a bounty on his head, to ensnare someone like Din to go after him.

No threats, nothing overt, but. She’d known he was quietly asking around about Jedi, and it wouldn’t take much to find out about the tiny green gremlin of a kid, and there’s no running when someone powerful as Organa-Solo has you in her sights. Better to swallow his pride and do as he’s asked than refuse outright for the kid’s sake if nothing else.

(But. After he told her he lost track of Skywalker and that knowing look of hers, the promise he’d receive the rest of his payment, she’d also offered to help him in his search for a Jedi, which. Yes.)

Din stares at Skywalker because really what is wrong with these people???

Din sighs, quiet little thing, and looks at the kid asleep in his arms. Watches him for a moment, always too much in his heart for a tiny green gremlin of a kid, and then he looks up at Skywalker.

There’s a moment, and then a quiet breath of laughter from Skywalker, so much like his sister’s.

“Ah,” he says, and then -

“I could help, if you’d like.”

At which point Din is like what, because the whole Skywalker is a Jedi, and also his sister is devious.

“...what.”

She heard about a Mandalorian asking about a Jedi and looked into it while Skywalker was gallivanting about the galaxy seeking out Jedi relics and the whatnot. Worried about her idiot of a brother and knowing full well he could handle himself, but still.

Idiot of a brother, but also idiot of a Mandalorian and it was her way of gauging what sort of threat Din was to her idiot of a brother.

“What.”

Sure, she’d heard stories that said Mandalorian wasn’t all bad, but still.

Bounty hunter???

Skywalker just laughs, soft and fond, like hey, no, sending a bounty hunter after her brother is just a thing she does sometimes.

Really though, what is wrong with these people???

Anyway, for reasons unknown to him and against his better judgement, Din goes along with Luke to some remote planet somewhere. The guy says he can help with Grogu, deliberately, infuriatingly, vague about the how of it, but Din goes anyway because he is, indeed, an idiot of a bounty hunter.

And then he finds out Skywalker’s a Jedi.

Skywalker.

A Jedi.

“Uh...I thought you knew?”

Din did not.

Skywalker frowns, clearly thinking back to all their encounters and wacky shenanigans from months back and has this “Oh,” moment, before he gets this sheepish look on his face.

Din carefully doesn’t sigh as he watches Skywalker, no.

“Yes,” he says, carefully pulling Grogu’s hand away from the leather strap across the front of his armor. “’Oh.’“

For the first time ever Skywalker apologizes, and Din is just.

He, too, is thinking back to their wacky shenanigans and all the grief Skywalker caused him and that’s when he sighs.

(What else is he supposed to do?)

“Can you teach him?” he asks, Grogu reachig for some flying insect fluttering by and Din keeping him from falling without a second thought.

Sees the way Skywalker’s face goes all quiet and soft, smile kicking up at the corner of his mouth.

“I can,” he says, like it’s just that simple a thing.

Din has to look away for a moment, too much in his heart at the moment, and Skywalker laughs and just.

Yes.

And then awkward flirting and overtures as Skywalker trains Grogu in the ways of the Force and so on.

Also?

“Do you even know how to use that thing?” in regards to the Darksaber.

Din would be insulted, offended, if they weren’t at the edge of a clear, blue lake, sun setting behind the temple and little Grogu tired from a day of lessons and babbling to himself in Din’s arms.

But it seems like something not worth getting worked up about - he’s learnig to pick his battles with Skywalker, Utter Menace that he is, something his sister wasn’t wrong about.

"Hm,” Din says, and lets Skywalker convince him into getting saber lessons from him, what with him being a Jedi and all, and very carefully doesn’t laugh as that would just encourage Skywalker.

And then, okay, then there are saber lessons and sparring and Skywalkers bright, happy smiles and laughter and Din isn’t completely useless with the Darksaber, you know. Manages to disarm Skywalker, pin him up against one of the old trees at the edge of the training ground Skywalker’s set up.

Utter Menace of a Jedi grinning up at him without the sly edge of the smirk that’s been on his face since they started training and little goading remarks. So it’s inevitable Din leans his head down to press his forehead against Skywalker’s, too much in his heart for him the way it’s been for a while now, and Skywalker’s quiet laughter in his ear and, Din thinks, it feels like home.

Also, though, also.

Luke deliberately avoiding awards ceremonies and other horrific events in which the Hero of the Rebellion is expected to attend and a very beautful, very terrifying Leia Organa-Solo contacts Din to task him with bringing her Utter Menace of a brother in to accept the honors to be bestowed upon him, he can’t keep running away like this. Please, Din.

“...Alive?” Din asks, because the clarification is important.

Leia gives Din a look that says she honestly doesn’t care at this point, but it’s become something of a joke between them.

More so when he hears Solo yelling a reminder from somewhere behind Leia that Luke is her brother, and the frustration on her face melts away.

“If you must,” she says, smile on her face so much like her brother’s.

Din, fond/terrified of Leia as he is, accepts. Tracks his Utter Menace down to some remote planet and the Jedi ruins he’s poking through and is like.

“Do you want to know how much your sister offered me to bring you in this time?”

Skywalker shugs, but there’s a quirk to his mouth Din recognizes as trouble.

“Do you want to hear my counter-offer, instead?”

Trouble, the way knew Din it would be, because Skywalker’s walking - stalking - towards him.

“No,” Din says, because he can’t be bought so easily, but then there’s Luke in front of him, confident and easy and natural as anything to let him get so close.

Luke’s smile slides into a smirk - Utter Menace - and the smugness is not endearing at all.

At all.

Stop looking at him like that. >:(((((((((((((((

(Din still brings Luke back, because Leia, but it takes a while. Because reasons.)

#star wars nonsense #dinluke #¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #technically not a fic #vagrant fic #i have specific tastes #they tend to run towards ridiculousness like this #sorry??? #long post #right side of the sun

[rosethornewrites]

Saturday NR, E, & M reading

The usual

Finished

Not Rated:

WWX becomes a healer instead, by nirejseki

Prompt: Wei Wuxian’s obsessions get redirected to healing at a young age. He is still a chaos gremlin.

Mature:

I Just Want To Be Part Of Your Symphony, by AshayaTReldai

Wei Wuxian's brilliant mind contemplates the possibility of musical-dual-cultivation.

Unfinished

Not Rated:

One for the Little Kids Who Live Down the Lane, by Anonymous

The Second Jade is righteous, beautiful, valiant, and intelligent. Clearly, the only man good enough for Wei Wuxian's sister.

Explicit:

Birthday Party, by waffles_4_breakfast

What if Jin Zixun didn't attack Wei Wuxian at Qiongqi Path and waited until the party to attack?

A fix-it fic where Wei Wuxian gets to attend the party and an entirely different cascade of events follow.

Dew Drops in the Gentle Morning Light, by samuelleslytherin

A world where Lan Wangji dies, and Wei Wuxian tries to remember him in the solitude of Cloud Recesses, in the silence of the Jingshi, and in the face of Lan Xichen.

Mature:

Live Again, Love Anew, by kkanime5555

“Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian finally speaks up.

“Mn.” Lan Zhan hums to show he’s listening.

“I think we traveled back in time.”

...

“I’ll go, Lan Zhan. I’ll come to Gusu with you.”

-----

Or,

Lan Zhan and Wei Ying are soulmates and, upon Wei Ying's death, they are sent back to when they first met as kids on the streets of Yiling. From there, they both are taken to Gusu, where they are raised together, gradually learning of their shared feelings and finding out the mystery of who sent them back in time and why, all while planning how to save the world, preferably with all their loved ones left alive.

Sword-Like Spirit, Guqin-Like Soul, by Stepdavii

'The smoke seemed to push and pull Wei Wuxian about, tugging at his clothes, hair, and limbs. It sucked the life out from Wei Wuxian as his cheeks hallowed and his body began to thin. The whites of his eyes reddened and bruises formed under them.

Blood began seeping through the white of his robes.'

In which, on a very normal day within Cloud Recesses, while Wei Wuxian was walking to the library with Lan Wangji to copy rules of which he was caught breaking, Wei Wuxian is suddenly attacked by a dark cloud of screaming fog. The next time he wakes, he is not the same Wei Wuxian whom is at the Cloud Recesses for classes, but instead the Wei Wuxian of the future. The feared Yiling Laozu who had just lost his sister and who's last memory is of him letting go of Lan Wangji's hand as Jiang Cheng's sword pierces into the cliff he just tried to jump off of.

I Call For You to Come Back, by T98

It wasn't possible. And yet here they were. His parents looked at him full of fondness, unknowing of what he did or who he had become.

"A-ying, you are so big now," his mother spoke, tears running freely down her face.

Keeping Our Promises Unbroken, by ColdBloodedReptile

The last thought Jiang Yanli had was that it was worth it to save her brother, and she would be reunited with her husband.

Except, that was not what happened at all.

Or, Jiang Yanli travels to the past after Nightless City, and decides to not let history repeat itself. She's surprised to find she's not the only one who wishes that.

Steps in a circle, by Immortal_love

When an assassination attempt weakens Wei Wuxian to the point of death, Wen Qing takes matters into her own hands. The second chance at a life, he thought he wouldn’t get, Wei Wuxian promises to do his best. The wens are safe, yet there are still challenges to overcome and battles to fight, but he has his family and the support of an ally he thought he would never have.

“I did something worthy of my Wen name, it saved your life. I will not burden you with the truth, but I would do it again if I had to.”

It’s ice meeting you, by Lucky_Moonly

Zizhen seemed lost in thought. “ And of course, your uncle and your aunt never told you anything about who your other dad might be either?”

“Well Ning-shushu once said A-Rong has our other father’s eyes,” Wen Sizhui said pensively after a while. ”And we know he’s a cultivator too.”

“Yellow eyes aren’t very common,” Zizhen agreed. “ Have you ever thought about doing a search on your Baba online or something? To uncover his past?”

Cutting Out a Different Path, by T98

Wei Wuxian wakes up with an old back pain and a lack of a familiar warmth by his side. He groans, moving his arm around the bed to feel for Lan Wangji. Except what he feels is not a bed. Startled, he gets up quickly to find himself on a familiar slab of rock in a very familiar cave. Rubbing his eyes in disbelief, he takes a look around. His half-finished talismans are lying around on the floor and he can hear voices from outside

#the untamed #untamed fanfiction #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #chen qing ling #cql