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violetrainbow412-blog · 1 year

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Dressing for revenge [K. B]

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

word count: 7k

summary: when Kaz and his crows return from Ravka they run into trouble, and to solve it, he looks for a childhood friend who is too resentful and too in love with him

warnings: trauma, PTSD, spoilers for S&B season 2, no physical contact, here Kaz has no romantic feelings for Inej

A/N: I LOVE Kanej, but I wanted to write something with Kazzle Dazzle because I love him too, lol. I hope you like it!

taglist (who I thought might be interested): @rustyyyyspoonz

The rumor had already spread throughout the Barrel: “Kaz Brekker and his crows are back” How long had it been since they had embarked into the Fold? Just a couple of months? They had felt like years, if you were being honest.

If it was true that they were back, you felt sorry for the trouble they were going to run into. The change of ownership of their club, the strengthening of the other gangs, and mainly the fact that they were being tried for murder thanks to the fact that Pekka Rollins had awarded it to them... all these problems were going to fall on them like a bucket of water cold. It had already fallen on them, in fact, since the rumor was accompanied that they had escaped from the stadwatch once they were captured.

You didn't know how much of what everyone was saying was true and how much was false, trying to stay as calm as possible when the name Kaz came from someone's lips for fear that Pekka had some magical ability and could read your mind or sense the fear in your eyes every time you met him. Afraid of him and afraid of what he might do to you if he knew you knew the black-haired man.

Things had changed a lot since the last time you saw the boy and that was more than noticeable. Your story goes back long before he made his reputation when you were just a couple of neighbor kids playing on the farms. You two arrived in Ketterdam together, with nothing but hopes for a better future and Jordie as your protector (or an attempt at that, at least), after your father and Mr. Rietveld died in the same accident, reuniting with Kaz’s mother and later to be matched by your mother, who had died of sadness, if that was possible. Three helpless children thrown into the cruel world were what came of that and the rest is history.

Crime, robbery, gangs, and a life of hardship were what you had to adjust to as a child, but you doubted very much that a single person living in The Barrel would be in a different situation. You weren't fully involved in the disgraced jobs of the majority, but if there was one true thing, it was that when it came to obtaining information you were, to say the least, excellent. You and Kaz had to fend for yourselves, and you learned what you could from the streets. In this way he and you became a team, so to speak, for a few teenage years, and for that period of your lives having each other was the only thing in the world. Over time he became ruthless, rude, a great fighter and earned the nickname 'dirtyhands' thanks to his gambling skills, from which he obtained most of the things you had. You learned to move quickly, to go unnoticed, and to defend yourself from those who tried to harm you, always supporting the boy’s plans.

Less than a year was enough for his name to become known and he began to think big. Sometimes he would tell you about the plans he had: to run Fifth Harbor, to establish the crow club, to become the best of The Barrel. All of that sounded like crazy ideas at first, but looking back you realized that he had accomplished too much in that pit for your relatively young age.

You never knew what made you and Kaz go their separate ways, but somehow it had happened. It was gradual, maybe that's why it was hard for you to notice, but one day you woke up and realized the distance that existed between him, who previously was practically the only family you knew, and you. It didn't take much for him to decide to break the bond that had held you together from a very early age; he never gave reasons for this and you never asked him.

You lived under some protection from the leader of The Crows, of course, but very few people could link you to The Bastard of the Barrel. Sometimes you still provided him with information, but when he found someone else, the inquiries became less and less frequent until one day they turned into none. You managed to eat and have a roof over your head pretty well (and mostly honestly) and you tried to stay out of trouble for a long time.

Until one day he flew away from Ketterdam without warning and order in the Barrel was disturbed in every possible way. With his team gone, it didn't take long for Pekka to seize control and anyone who didn't work for him was inevitably against him. It was only a matter of time before he found out the talent you had tried to hide and forced you to carry his lion shield... figuratively speaking.

If he ever knew that you used to work with Kaz he never mentioned it or maybe your relationship with him had been severed so long that no one remembered it anymore. Now you were just a little girl, as he used to call you, slippery enough that she seemed so harmless that, in his eyes, that became a benefit. You were never one to look rude, unfortunately for you, and that allowed men like him to feel entitled to take advantage of you. You thanked the saints that Rollins didn't find you attractive or who knows what other services he would have requested from you. It was always better to provide him with the information he needed than for him to force you to be his lover.

You weren't a part of the meetings that the Dime Lions had and you weren't considered a member either, which kept you calm every night. You were just another piece in the enormous chess game that Pekka moved at his convenience, the same game that was threatened by the mere existence of Kaz Brekker and much more so now that he had returned.

In the middle of the night it was logical to ask yourself, what kind of strange plans would he have in mind now?

One, two, and three knocks surprised you at the rickety wooden door and made you jump out of your chair, where you were already asleep. An old lamp was on the even older table and it illuminated the little space that your provisional home had so you took it to approach to open the door. It was raining outside (quite unusual for that time of year) and by the time it was you figured it was one of Rollins' idiots coming to do a job for you. What would he want now? Harbor information? Talk to a policeman? He was supposed to control everything, sometimes you kept wondering why he asked for your help.

When you opened the door, the air slipped in and almost extinguished the flame of the fire, but the temperature of the night wasn’t what left you freezing, but the presence that was in front of you. With his hat, a completely black outfit, and his cane in hand, but above all soaked from head to toe, there was him; Kaz. You almost feared you were imagining it, but you knew it was him by the clear, penetrating eyes that were watching you, even though you admitted that he had changed so much that in other circumstances you would have had trouble recognizing him.

“Did I arrive at a bad time?” he asked. No warm greetings, no smiles, no explanations. Just a cold, serious question, just the way he was.

“Someone followed you? If this place is horrible by itself, I don't want blood staining the floor” you replied with the same tone. You wanted to tell him that you had missed him, ask him if he was okay, and give him a huge hug, but those actions should be reserved for your nocturnal fantasies, because as soon as you took a step forward he would be able to hit you with his cane. Or at least that's what the Kaz you knew would do, but you doubted very much that the passing of the years would have softened his heart.

"Nobody followed me" was all he said and you stepped aside at the door so he could go inside. Even with his words, you felt the need to look out on both sides of the street in search of someone, but with the level of rain, you doubted very much that someone would want to stay and spy because he would probably die of pneumonia.

When you closed the door and turned around he didn't say anything, he just stood in front of you while the water drained from his coat. During that moment of silence, you allowed yourself to admire it under the warm light of the candle; his eyes definitely hadn't changed one bit, but now there was a tinge of contempt more noticeable than before. His features had hardened and he was thinner, barely resembling the boy you remembered, perhaps as a reminder of just that... that he was now a man.

“So the rumors are true…” you started to say “You are back”

"I think that's more than obvious," he exclaimed. For a second you forgot that it was he who had knocked on your door and you felt uncomfortable as if you were an intruder who had to get out of there.

There was silence again and you two just looked at each other. Kaz had made his own mental list of changes he noticed in you and was reflecting on when was the last time he had looked at you in such detail. You were wearing light clothes, because before he arrived you were about to go to sleep, and your face, although as childish as always, looked more tired than before. You had also cut your hair, which was messy around your shoulders and a bit darker in tone.

“And may I know to what I owe your visit? I guess you don't want to have tea” you said to break the silence. The dryness of your words in a certain way was to protect yourself because you never knew how much a sharp tongue like his could hurt you.

"I'm in a job and I need people"

Of course it was going to be due to a job, and of course that was why he had sought you out after so many years. A part of you, tremendously stupid, to tell you the truth, was hoping that during the time your friend was away from Ketterdam some divine clarity would have illuminated him so that he would realize that he had to look for you to repair your relationship and offer at least apologies. But you would have to pay him every kruge in the country for him to do something like that.

"I'm glad you considered me, but I'm sorry I have to decline."

"Why?" he asked immediately, his raspy voice showing annoyance at the refusal.

“Because it happens that you can’t work for opposing sides. At least not at the same time” you replied. Maybe it was due to fatigue, but you swore you saw a slight look of surprise on the man's face when you answered that. Most likely, he had assumed that you would be one of the few people who wouldn’t be on Pekka’s side and therefore a safe option.

“Do you work for Pekka?” he muttered. You knew him well enough to know that he was hurt, you could see it in his posture, in his voice, and especially in his look “After all he did to us?”

"And what did you want him to do?" you said, trying to ignore the fact that he had spoken in the plural. Us “You practically handed us over to him. My options were that or receive a bullet in the forehead."

"I didn’t hand you over to anyone"

"You abandoned us and left us in his hands, it's the same thing" you replied, shrugging. There was so much resentment and pain from never-closed wounds floating in the air that it was hard for him and you to think clearly. “Your vacation in Ravka may have been nice, but things only just went to hell here. So don't you dare judge me by the choices I made” you exclaimed defensively.

You didn't imagine that your first conversation with him after so long would be like this, but unfortunately, things never turned out the way you expected. After all, they were a crook and a spy talking in the dead of night.

"You could get information from him more easily," Kaz concluded, shrugging the same way you did. "And so we sink him from the inside."

"And risk him finding out and killing me?"

“You know that would never happen,” he said firmly “The thing about killing you. I wouldn't allow him” his eyes stared at you almost offended by the lack of trust you had towards him. There was silence for the third time and this time your gaze moved away to focus on anything but him.

"Plus you have this girl you took out of The Menagerie, don't you?" you said in your defense. The one you replaced me with, you wanted to add, but held back "So I don't know what you might need me for"

"With so many problems going on, I thought it would be better to have as many alliances as possible," he explained to you. You continued without looking at him, with your head still full of worries and sorrows, and when he didn’t receive an answer, he spoke again "You know that it is your best option"

"I don't know that, but I do know that I would have liked you to at least ask how I am before asking me to join the team you never wanted me in and from which you separated me as soon as you had the chance" you exhaled, in an attempt to lighten the weight on your chest.

It was no secret that you had always felt betrayed by Kaz’s treatment of you, even though he treated dozens of others the same way, because you somehow thought that your backstory was enough to deserve at least the sympathy or some consideration on the part of the crow. And of course you wanted to run from Pekka's clutches and plunge him into the deepest muck, but the resentment for what you considered your friend’s abandonment was stronger. You didn't even know if it was correct to call him ‘friend’.

"You would be a good ace up my sleeve" was all he replied, in an attempt to convince you. Kaz begged absolutely no one, but if there was one thing he had decided before coming to find you, it was that he wouldn't leave until you agreed to help him. Although the nature of your current job made things a bit difficult for him, "Pekka never knew you worked for me, did he?"

"With you" you corrected him "I didn't work for you but with you. We got to The Barrel at the same time”

"Y/N" he murmured. Your name sounded strange coming from his lips after so long without hearing it and that caught you off guard “I'm trying to help you so you don't end up hurt or dead. If you work for… with me, I can tell you where not to be. Otherwise I could find you in the rubble of some confrontation or with a knife from Inej or a bullet from Jesper through your chest”

"Always so thoughtful," you replied with a smirk, but as much as it pained you to admit it, he had a point. You knew what he was capable of and what Pekka was capable of… which side was more convenient to be on? "How much are you going to pay me?" you asked and Kaz smiled, but it wasn't a sign of happiness but mockery “You've always said that's what's really important, haven't you?”

He took something out of his coat and tossed it on the table. They were bills.

"An advance, when I recover the crow club, I will pay you the rest"

“So my pay depends on whether we win or not. That doesn't sound so convenient to me,” you muttered, clicking your tongue, as you fought the urge to say yes just to be near him. It was cold outside, the rain was making a lot of noise and you just wanted to sleep at once, but you knew that you could have been arguing with him all night and neither of you would back down. Kaz was stubborn, one way or another he would get what he wanted. "This isn't just about the club, is it?" you said, with your voice noticeably lower and you would even say with a touch of softness. You and Kaz never talked about what had happened, but each of you was dealing with the weight of the trauma in your own way. He didn't say anything and this time you saw something in him that was different from his usual behavior, knowing that it was those ghosts from the past tormenting him.

"If someone should make him pay, it's us"

Us, again.

"I'll think about it" was what you answered, after reflecting on what would be the appropriate response. The speechless moment gave you something else to think about, and you knew that a huge flaw of yours was how easily you let your heart take over. Because even with all the other feelings on top, you still worried about him "Now that the crow club isn't yours..." you started to say, afraid of what he might say "do you have a place to stay?"

You would have offered to sleep there if he said no, but instead he said he’d manage. That didn't completely reassure you, but you decided not to insist.

“First thing tomorrow, send a reply to this address,” he asked you, holding out a piece of paper that had a few drops on it “Don't go there personally or you'll screw everything up, just send me a note. A yes or a no will suffice”

“What if someone tracks down the note?” you asked, which was a totally valid concern.

Kaz was silent while he thought of an alternative, and then spoke again.

“Just write crows of a feather, murder together. I'll understand” he murmured and you nodded. You knew the poem he was quoting from, had read it many times from the worn-out book he had gotten for you. Kaz didn't wait for anything else and took long steps to the door, which he opened as soon as he could. "Good night, Y/N."

And then he left.

That night you thought a lot about the solution you would give him in the morning, thinking about the pros and cons of each possible answer, until you decided that it was best to say yes. You needed to do it if you wanted to live peacefully (as much as the place allowed) but the main reason was to support him. If he had been about any stupid dispute you would have said no, but you knew this was something else. Kaz missed Jordie every day of his life and his way of honoring him was by planning revenge against the one who led him to that fate, so it was kind of an obligation for you to help him with that too.

You wrote the note on a piece of paper and carefully folded it to put it in an envelope. You signed the outside with his name, written in the best handwriting you had, and although you were hesitant to do so, at the end you wrote a little ‘from a friend’ in the hope of making it clear to him, and perhaps even encouraging him that, if he was willing, you could recover a little of what you had lost. And you weren’t referring to physical things, but to what existed between you.

All your life you had lived with almost opposite feelings when it came to Kaz. Somehow you were upset with him for only seeing you as an instrument that he could dispose of for his interests, but this was linked to the feeling of affection that you wanted him to experience for you and that apparently didn’t exist. It was difficult to decipher anything he was thinking, not just about you, since he had taken it upon himself to build such a convincing facade that it made it complicated to see beyond. Added to that was his aversion to touch of any kind, which, while quite understandable and justified, still made you feel sad. More than once you tried, in vain, to be able to touch him in some way, even if it was something tiny, but he always pushed you away. He pushed you away physically and eventually emotionally, and yet with all this background you wanted to help him.

You knew you couldn't expect a reply to your note, but you were confident that he had received it, and your suspicions were confirmed when another letter came back a couple of days later. It contained a day, a time, and a place, which you assumed was a meeting with him.

You were very careful when you headed there, because you thought that the fewer people saw you together, the better, or else Pekka might suspect something. You covered yourself with a long black cloak for this task and when you arrived you noticed that it wasn't Kaz who was there, but a couple of boys.

"Who are you?"

"And you?" you asked, with the same defensive tone. The place seemed to be an experiment workshop and looking at it in more detail you noticed that there was a bed, so it could even be some kind of apartment. The two men, one brown-skinned and the other pale as snow, wore simple brown suits and were looking at you warily.

“She is Y/N,” said a voice behind you. By the sound of the cane accompanied by the footsteps you knew it was Kaz, “she will work with us”

"Oh," said the dark-haired boy, looking happier with the answer, as he walked in your direction "Welcome, in that case" he muttered flirtatiously, as he held out his hand for you to greet him "Jesper Fahey, at your service”

"I am Wylan" intervened the other, from his place, timidly and quickly.

"You arrived" Kaz spoke again. You turned and a couple of women appeared, you guessed that the shorter one with Suli features was the famous wraith of Kaz. And she was beautiful, you couldn't help but notice.

There was a brief conversation with the six of you there and then Kaz asked you to walk him up to the roof of the place. Once there you instinctively stood next to the only one you knew and he just looked at you out of the corner of his eye while he adopted the typical position of him leaning on the cane.

“Brick by brick” whispered the man’s raspy voice and you were about to ask what you were supposed to do there when an explosion went off in the distance so impressively that you stepped back a bit. It didn't take you more than a few seconds to locate the space and realize the place it was.

"The crow club" you said in a low voice, only for the black-haired man to hear you, while you watched him in profile. But he didn't look at you, just exchanged words with the others and talked about how Pekka's apparent reign was coming to an end.

You'd always known that Kaz Brekker was a little unhinged, and that night you proved it for sure, but you weren't even the least bit afraid. Rather, it was some strange hope that this madness would allow you to go far. Even freedom, perhaps.

After that clear declaration of war, things got considerably complicated, especially when you were summoned before Pekka and he asked you to investigate someone in particular and it turned out to be none other than the man you were now secretly working with. You assumed it was something logical, but even so you feared that Rollins had noticed the slight tremor in your hands when he asked you to complete the task.

You summoned Kaz to Black Veil Cemetery, late at night, and there you confessed to him everything that had happened. He of course found something good in this and devised a way to use it to your advantage, which put you at ease. It still amazed you a little at how nervous you became around him as if you knew nothing of what you were doing, but when you regained your composure you thought it was an excellent plan.

Meetings with Kaz were regular, but always in secret and alone, and they worked to exchange information that you considered useful for him with what he would allow Pekka to know.

You didn't know the full plans and you weren't part of them in any way, or you would be found out, but you knew about almost everything that was going on. The attacks, the fights, the traps, the injuries... you had to look at everything from the outside without being able to intervene. It was frustrating for you, more than anything in the world, and you had to admit that you had taken a liking to crows, even if you had seen them only a couple of times, so you also looked after their safety.

One day you received a note and went to a meeting with all the members of his group present, to finally hear the full version of what Kaz intended to do to finish off your boss. It was a brilliant idea, but you were a little worried about your position in all of this.

“You mean I'm going to be there watching everything Pekka and his thugs do?”

"It will be the best" he answered you. His face still had a bruise on his cheek, a memory from the last fight he had, and he looked exhausted "Jesper and Nina will be there, plus you'll be in disguise" he added and you nodded at that.

When the moment came you thought it would be an easy task, but when Kaz started to get brutally beaten you had to muster all your willpower not to throw yourself into trying to face Pekka, even with your zero skill. He sounded so convincing when he said about Alby that even you believed it, feeling suddenly awed by the cynical smile on Kaz's blood-smeared face. And he also mentioned you in the story, although not directly, saying that it was all about revenge for having abandoned you two when you were children.

You were able to breathe again until Pekka and his entire gang left the place in search of a son who wasn't really buried and you four were left alone. Under other circumstances you would have run to Kaz, cupped his face in your hands, sobbed, and told him it was over. But instead, you just stood in front of him and watched him; his eyes were wild with fury and a thirst for revenge that had already been quenched, but you sensed a hint of calm when he became aware of your presence.

"Breathe," you said in a whisper. Jesper and Nina were dismayed by the closeness with which you spoke to him, as they knew little of your history together “You're fine. We all are,” you assured him. That situation took you back to multiple panic attacks in the past where, given the impossibility of physical contact, all you could do for him was talk to calm him down. It always worked and Kaz had forgotten how soft your voice was and the way you brought him back to the real world. You decided to risk trying to do something else to comfort him and cautiously stretched out your hand towards him, instantly seeing his eyes widen in terror. But your hand ended up landing, more like a touch than a squeeze, on the man's bicep, which was covered by his coat; it wasn't intrusive, or abrupt, and Kaz was surprised that he didn't feel anything negative about it. He looked at your hand and then he looked at you with that usual serious expression, but he didn't push you away and allowed you to stay that way for just a few seconds, after which you decided to move your limb back.

You didn’t receive a verbal response at any time, but you did see him exhale shakily (so softly that you barely noticed) and nod his head while still looking at you, as if he were letting go of a huge weight that was stuck in his chest and at the same time assure you that it felt like a victory. Victory for beating Pekka, victory because he wasn't engulfed by an attack when you touched him, and victory because somehow you were there. You were with him, again.

“Now can we go back to normal?” Jesper asked, to break the silence, and you felt like laughing. Have they ever had a normal life? you asked yourself, but you didn't say.

"Yes" was all Kaz said and taking one last look at you he began to walk in the direction of the exit.

Both of them were curious about the type of relationship you had with Kaz but neither thought it wise to ask at the time, although Nina was getting an idea of things thanks to your racing heartbeat and his that it was impossible not to hear a moment ago. You stayed there just long enough to have a drink with Jesper and then you left the Emerald Palace. You didn't want to go back home, but going with one of them didn't seem like an option either, and once you were on the street you felt worried about remembering the state the black-haired man had left. You trusted that by that time he would be calmer and as if they thought for themselves your legs began to walk to look for him.

It was cold again and you feared you would meet someone dangerous on the road, but you only saw a couple of drunks and a girl looking for clients. Until you were in front of the door, you wondered if it was a good idea to go in, thinking that you would probably be crossing a line that Kaz was not going to allow you to, and wondering if you were going to put up with his refusal, which was a pretty good chance.

With trembling hands you opened the door, which luckily was unlocked, and as if some unknown instinct were guiding you, you found Kaz's room; it was the only one from which light came out through the crack in the door and something told you that he was there. You knocked twice, fearing you had knocked so low that he hadn't heard, and even considered walking back the way you came, but didn't have time to as the door opened a few seconds later. He had already taken off his coat and vest, probably because they were stained with blood, and his black shirt was open at the top buttons, with the suspenders that held up his pants hanging on his thighs. But what caught your attention the most were his pale, gloveless hands.

"What do you need?" he asked you directly. His face looked worse now that the bruises had swollen and the blood was dry. He'd probably have them for a couple of days, and he was definitely going to have a scar over his eyebrow.

"I wanted to see you" you replied, instantly regretting not having considered your sincere words better "I mean... to see how you were" you tried to correct. You thought he would slam the door in your face, but instead he scooted to the side to let you in, then closed the door behind you with a soft click.

Again you felt alien to the place for a moment, thanks to the fact that he looked at you from head to toe as if your presence bothered him. You had to mentally remind yourself that he saw most of them that way.

“Your pay will be ready soon”

"That doesn't matter," you said softly. Several things had changed since the first conversation you had with him, because now that you knew why Kaz had done everything he had done and the traumatic memories returned to both of you, the money had taken a backseat.

You didn't say anything for a moment and you looked for a place where you could sit later. Kaz’s room, once painted green but now just damp walls, had a small bed by the window, a desk littered with papers and a lamp facing another window, with a simple bookcase placed on the top of the side wall; a nightstand, a place to wash your hands with a mirror above it, a circular table in the middle of the free space, and a single armchair that at least looked comfortable. It wasn't the prettiest place, but at least it was cozy.

"Your girl, did she leave?"

“Inej is not my girl. Or from anyone, she is free now” he answered you. He still wasn't looking at you and you noticed that he was having a hard time staying on his feet.

"I'm glad to hear it. She deserves it” you murmured sincerely. You thought that she would be important to Kaz, like all his partners, and you decided to venture out to see if he revealed something else to you. "She's very smart."

"She is"

"And she's pretty too" you added and without moving his head he looked out at yours. You felt as if he was reading your intentions through your eyes, a quality he had always had.

"I think so," he said without much interest.

"Are you very hurt?" you asked, changing the subject, as you took a step towards him. By inertia he took the same step, in the opposite direction, and that made you stop abruptly.

"Nothing to worry about" he exclaimed and though he thought, you couldn't have known, of course, get close to you, you decided to take that step back before he did anything else.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Mhm"

"What did I do to make you walk away?" you exclaimed, finally expressing a question that had been eating away at your chest and tormenting you for many nights in a row. And since there was silence, you spoke again: “Not like right now, but a long time ago. It's just… I never understood it. Before we were friends and for me… you were even like a family. I loved your brother too and I know losing him never affected us the same, but I was glad you were there for me after that. Then we got older and things got more difficult, but I still had you and that calmed me down. And then… we just drifted apart,” you muttered, shrugging, as you avoided his gaze. Kaz still didn't answer anything and you felt the obligation to fill the silence “Sometimes I remember the things we went through when we were young. The good ones, of course. Like that time we stole a cake to celebrate your birthday and it was probably the best sweet I've ever eaten” you commented, smiling at the memory "And when I made you laugh with my bad jokes, no matter how angry or sad you were... I haven't seen you smile for a long time and I don't know if you celebrate your birthday anymore” you reflected wistfully, almost as if you were talking to yourself. And well, in the face of Kaz's inexpressiveness, that's practically what you were doing.

He hadn't said anything yet and you concluded that all your effort was useless. It had been a mistake to go looking for him, as well as trying to get even the slightest proof that he had ever missed you and you wished you had never opened your mouth. You sighed to contain the urge to cry and without saying anything else you turned towards the exit, intending to leave and return only for your money, but Kaz's voice echoed.

"Do you remember what I told Pekka?"

You stopped.

“You told him many things, you will have to be more specific”

"About not loving anything" he replied. Your hand trembled on the doorknob at the mere thought of what he was implying and I was able to hear your racing heart pounding in your chest. You heard footsteps and, still without moving, you heard him speak again "That's why I drifted apart”

You never, even in your wildest dreams, imagined that he would say something like that to you and perhaps you were just deluding yourself with the implication of the words, but it was enough to make you freeze in place.

"I still don't understand how that relates to me” you expressed in a low voice. Kaz took a few more steps towards you until you could see his shadow mingling with yours and you felt it was time to turn. He was watching you from above, seriously.

"I didn't want…" he trailed off. You would almost say he was nervous “I didn't want you to be…”

"A weak spot," you said without thinking, followed by a sigh that sounded almost amused "That's your problem, Kaz," you continued, your gaze far across the room, "You think love is a person's greatest weakness, when it's not like that"

"It is not?"

"No" you exclaimed with determination "I believe that... many times love is what keeps us alive. Struggling"

You were speaking for yourself when you said this. What was your motivation every day? In the past, the love for Kaz. Now, it was love for yourself and the hope that one day someone could love you with the intensity with which you loved others.

“I had already lost Jordie. I didn't want to lose you too,” he finally said and that's when your eyes locked with his. You never thought he would verbally express something like that.

“And did you prefer that I lose you?" you whispered in pain. You wanted him to be aware of things, because it seemed like it had never crossed his mind to stop thinking about your well-being and start thinking about your feelings. “You don't just lose someone when they die, Kaz. You can also lose those who are fully alive”

He didn't say anything, because he clearly didn't know what to answer to that, and while he reflected on your words, you caught a glimpse of a certain vulnerability in his blue eyes that you had rarely seen. I couldn't say that you knew the man in front of you better than anyone, but you had a considerable advantage thanks to the years you had lived with him.

“Okay, just… listen” you started to say, knowing he most likely wouldn't give you an answer “I know it's hard to live as we do— as all of us at The Barrel live, but the risks I decide or don't take. They are my decision, not yours. These years you have sought to keep me out of danger and I appreciate it, but you have to learn to trust me”

"I do. I trust you"

"Then show me," you replied. You couldn't help noticing that, even with his stained face, Kaz was still the most handsome man you'd ever seen “Friends do not avoid each other, nor do they move away and despite that, during all these years I have trusted you as from the first moment we were left alone”

You didn't know if you were saying the right thing, but at least you were saying something.

"And if it's too late?"

It was too late? Kaz wondered. He wondered if it was too late to open up to someone, to try to get over his trauma, to let go and finally love you the way he wanted to.

But all this remained as a thought, phrases that couldn’t leave his throat.

“It's not for me,” you assured him. “But my patience won't last forever. I think you should know that”

You couldn't even imagine how many emotions Kaz was trying to process at that moment, but even he himself didn't understand what a mess you'd made of him with that conversation. From his perception, he had admitted that he loved you, but from his eyes, you didn't seem affected by it. And you, contrary to what he thought, felt like you were going to faint.

You were about to leave, for the second time, but he spoke:

“Stay,” he said, sounding more desperate than he would have liked. “I don't know what to say, but… just stay here. I don't want us to be alone tonight”

Us. That fucking habit of Kaz's to speak in the plural and make you a nervous wreck.

You looked at the bed and found that it was too small for both of you, to which we had to add his refusal to be close to others. Proof of this was the unconscious movement of sticking your hands as close as possible to his body during the entire time you were talking.

"Use the bed, obviously you need it more than me" you muttered and went directly to the armchair. Fortunately your first impression wasn’t wrong, it was very comfortable.

The room was so small that the apparent distance between the pieces of furniture didn't mean much, so when he sat on the bed you could see him perfectly.

The memory of one of the times when both of you were in similar situations came to your mind. That night you had been woken by frightened screams from the next room, in that abandoned house where you and Kaz found shelter, forcing you out of bed to investigate.

It was hard to comfort a person without physically touching them, especially when he had nightmares, and over the months you'd had to get used to it. The boy hated waking you up, it made him feel guilty and stupid, but you always kept him company. You never spoke, never asked questions, you just stayed there so he knew he wasn't alone.

Maybe something like that was what Kaz needed tonight.

"Rest" you exclaimed. His head turned to look at you and you detected a different and special glow in his eyes; as if it were a mixture of fear, softness, and gentleness. You appreciated that look for a few more seconds, which you feared you would never see again in your life, and then you reached out your hand to turn off the light on the desk.

Silence reigned in the darkness.

You settled in the chair, trying to figure out what would be the best sleeping position, and at the same time you heard Kaz slide between the sheets on the bed. After a while, your eyelids felt heavy, a consequence of the fatigue that the hustle and bustle of the day had left you, and when you were about to fall asleep, a voice pulled you out of your reverie.

"Thank you. For everything”

The phrase was a whisper, a delicate caress in your ear, but you understood it clearly. And you decided to think that when Kaz said 'for everything' he meant literally everything you had selflessly done for him during his life; like he just realized you were important. But it's not that he had just noticed it, but that he had just accepted it.

You wanted to stretch out the moment as long as you could because, even if you weren't looking at him, you knew he was awake thanks to the sound of his breathing, but at some point sleep overcame you and you fell fast asleep.

Kaz had nightmares that night, like always, but the difference was that when he woke up in shock in the morning, you were in the same room. So seeing you there, keeping him company, was reason enough to calm him down.

And like every time this had happened, he felt like the luckiest man in the world.

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #the crows #six of crows #jesper fahey #inej gafha #wylan van eck #nina zenik #mathias helvar #shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker imagine

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laikabu · 1 month

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re: my thoughts on laios’s sexuality (long post ahead lol)

let me start this post with this. first, this contains a lot of references to the new adventurer’s bible world guide book released last february. i can read japanese, but i’m sure they’re translated somewhere. general spoiler warning in case. also… i am ESL, so sorry for any grammar errors

second, if you’re on the team that insists laios doesn’t care about humans enough to form relationships, either read the manga again or at the very least read this thread.

last, please don’t chime in with your acearo headcanons on this post. there’s already a majority of posts here that insist laios is acearo and that anything else is impossible. i don’t like it the same way i don’t like when someone declares they hc marcille as bisexual to a poster who reads her as lesbian. i already have enough people here who declare he’s ace on my own art. at least people on twitter of all places don’t do this sort of thing to me. nothing in this manga is canon, you can headcanon anything i won’t get mad if you hc him as bi or something. just. don’t be weird on my post.

okay. trust me, i love women, and i love the idea of making my favs women lovers but the idea of laios being gay really appeals to me because of his background. this isn’t fueled by yaoi since i don’t even ship the only m/m relationship i bring up here, i just think it adds a nice layer to his disconnect with his own humanity

i do think laios has a very abstract relationship with his sexuality for a multitude of reasons. he grew up in a very conservative backwater village. he has a hard time recognizing his own feelings towards others just as much as vice versa. i don’t really care for the “laios is a monsterfucker” agenda people are pushing but i do think he’d engage in sexual thoughts in his own weird way, i won’t deny his deviantart fetish shit

as an autistic person myself, i relate to how he’d prioritize his special interest over social interactions. after all, he was fixated on monster food so he’s distracted from dark thoughts. he’s not an actual glutton

he’s shy around women, but i don’t think it’s out of attraction. i just think it’s because he’s awkward and doesn’t want to be seen as a threat. there’s a couple of times when, out of armor, he deliberately tries to make himself look smaller and nonthreatening.

he didn’t show any interest towards ashivia (the hubby hunter girl marcille replaced) and just humored her because she wouldn’t leave him alone. his other party members thought he was giving her special treatment so he had to tell her he “doesnt want to give her special treatment anymore”(even though he never did), so she left

ashivia did her best to butter herself up to laios and he didn’t care, but laios thought shuro was his bestest friend in the whole world because he was too much of a pushover to reject him. ironically… what ashivia did to him parallels what he was doing to shuro

also… yeah sorry i keep bringing up that one comic of laios saying if he were falin he’d marry shuro and then begging him to take him back to his country, or that comic of laios wondering why he doesn’t like him(and then the first two questions he asks the magic mirror was what if he or shuro were women). i don’t even ship them! but it’s not a reach to assume that he likes men because of this, even if it’s kinda played like a joke(after all,a lot of people like chilshi even though their ‘shippy’ interaction was played as a joke)

of course, given the setting, i don’t think knows he’s gay, he wouldn’t have the vocabulary to label himself. i do want to dance around with the idea of him forcibly confronting his own sexuality after years of yaad pressuring him to produce heirs lol. laios might not be cishet but he’s a king so he rdgaf about that right now. i’m open to him having female consorts for political reasons, but i don’t think he’s into women, is all.

before anyone brings up his succubus… god forbid an author makes hetbait. a part of the plot twist was that not-marcille wasn’t the only succubus enticing laios, his other party members were copied too. she was the only one who approached him. also… succubi aren’t always inherently romantic. once it realized marcille didn’t work, it switched to appeal to his desire to be a monster.

#laios isn’t even in my top 3 fav but i gotta throw this out to the void #dungeon meshi meta #laios touden #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #kabru sexuality is easy cuz that dude is capital B Bisexual but laios has layers to it i feel

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saturnville · 2 months

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torture, major john egan

pairing: major john "bucky" egan + black!fem!oc (amelia egan)s

content: John is interrogated in Germany.

an: y'all...part 6 of mota....tore me up. spoilers ahead. let's talk about this part! comment, reblog, and send asks!

gif: @olympain

tags: to maintain your place on the taglist, you're expected to interact! @turn-thy-paige @neeville @ineedafictionalman @ihe4rtisa @lovebyceleste

“Married?”

Silence. The air was tense. How could it not be? An American soldier had been captured in the swamps of German territory, beaten like a mule, and whipped like a Roman traitor. Just outside of his line of vision, he saw the bodies of soldiers and civilians drug across the gravel lot. An American soldier had been captured in the swamps of German territory and questioned like a federal criminal by a German pilot who grinned like a cashmere cat; evil and conniving. Silence.

The German interrogator, Hausmann, chuckled dryly and hovered his pen over the sheet of paper under his arm.“From what I hear, I assume you are unmar—“

“I have a wife,” he answered gruffly after some time. A lovely wife, at that. Full of love and affection, mercy and kindness. He missed her dearly. He kept a photo of her in his breast pocket but was too fearful of the damage to look at it.

His throat felt thick like maple syrup running down the stump of a tree. His jaw shook as he inhaled the lit cigarette. He pushed the smoke out of his nose.

Hausmann hummed. “Yes, Amelia. Amelia Mae Egan, correct?”

John leaned forward. How the hell did he know that? He clenched his teeth. The tips of his ears reddened.

The interrogator nodded, his eyebrow-raising in amusement at the pilot’s demeanor shift. John saw the wheels turning in the man's head. In frustration, he ashed the cigarette and dropped his hand against the desk with a thud. The blonde interrogator met John's blue eyes.

“Sorry, Major, I had to ask for documentation. She’s a beautiful woman. I didn’t think these kinds of…couplings were common in America. They aren’t here.” Gasket blown.

“I’m sorry, I’m a little confused,” John hissed. His voice raised an octave which caused the interrogator to jump slightly.``You asked if I was married, and I said yes. I don’t see the point you’re trying to make here, but I’m sure it isn't a part of your freakin’ protocol. Keep my wife out of it.”

Hausmann raised his hands in defense and laughed lightly. John failed to find the joke. His patience wore thin. “Easy, Major Egan. I meant no harm. But um, I have to say, you are making this harder than it needs to be. I simply would like to talk to you, so, I’ll ask you again…”

The words went over his head. His mind spiraled out of control. He had never seen this man in his life yet he knew of his personal life? He knew of Amelia. His precious Rose. He knew of his relationship with Buck, and he was holding it in front of him like a treat for an animal. Is that how he was viewed? As a rabid animal who went killing people like it was a sport?

No, that wasn’t the case at all. He was nothing but a soldier trying to defend his country. If there was another way to solve the issue, who would he be to decline the proposition? And this…this was the punishment for it? His dignity, his life, and his purpose were all questioned by a man who was no better than he was. It was torture.

John’s tongue scraped the roof of his mouth as he lifted his eyes from the papers littered across the desk. Planes crashed. Soldiers lost. His wife at home, clueless about what had gone on. She was unaware if he was alive or dead. Hell, he had no clue where his fate lay either. Would there even be an opportunity to hear her voice again? He could only pray.

He blinked away the tears that pooled in his eyes. Once again, he stated, “John Egan. Major…” Torture indeed.

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hotchswifey · 8 months

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a little bit shy - rafael barba x reader smut

i wrote this like a year ago and never posted it???????? oml i kept thinking it was unfinished but like it’s 2700 words 😭 😭 😭 😭

anyways i’m not rewriting it or even rereading it so!!! anyways, this is shitty but it’s mine so it’s fine

warnings: shy!reader, smut, vaginal fingering, reader is a virgin (par hand stuff she’s done with rafael), reader owns a bookstore/cafe, written with an age gap in mind (rafael is like ?? 40?? 45??? reader is like 23/24), rafael is a babe and i love him, your honour, also rafael is a brief man and nobody can convince me otherwise, also like the office spoilers ig??? but nothing major, daddy/papi kink, the reader may have a slight humiliation kink (it’s self-projection babes), also the translation is through google so sorry if it is incorrect!

(word count: 2740)

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You sat on the counter of your café, reading one of Stephen King’s books. You had closed up at 19:00 like you did every day (par Sundays where you closed up at 17:00); however, you had stayed behind in your store, deciding that you would leave when the rain cleared up - which, it hadn’t. You looked at the grandfather clock standing up against the wall - quarter past nine. The time had flown by as you were too engrossed in your book to notice the world outside and join the world written on the pages. You sighed as you jumped off the counter, folding the corner of (what was now) your personal copy of Doctor Sleep, realising that the weather would not get better anytime soon. Grabbing your hoodie (while cursing your past self for not bringing a coat to work), you turned off the lights, ensuring the ovens and such were also turned off. You grabbed your keys, preparing for the harsh weather, before stepping outside (albeit reluctantly). The rain hit your face harshly, the wind almost making breathing impossible, as you made your way quickly (or as quick as the wind would let your body move) down the sidewalk. You should have probably just called an Uber as you got to the corner of the street. But, then again, you had money to return to the shop. You halted on the corner, debating it but rejecting the idea. You were already soaking from being outside for a few minutes, so what were another... 20... to your apartment. It took you about ten seconds to go to Rafael’s apartment. You had only been dating for a couple months, but his place was, at most, ten minutes away from your shop, and you were freezing. You rushed down the sidewalk until you got to his building, standing underneath a roof; you quickly texted him with trembling fingers, asking if he could let you in, figuring he wouldn’t hear your voice on the intercom system due to the wind. The door buzzed open within seconds, which you were highly thankful for, and you made your way to the elevator, which you took to the top floor. Rafael answered the door after you knocked, still in his suit (confirming your suspicion that he had not stopped working even now; you were pretty surprised he was even home, as he was usually spending all his free time in his office). His eyes went wide immediately, taking in your wet form. “Hermosa, wha-” he cut himself off (something you didn’t know he was even capable of doing) as he opened the door wider for you to come in. “You’re soaking,” he said as he reached for the zipper of your hoodie. “Really? I hadn’t noticed,” you quipped back as you slapped his hands away, grabbing the zipper to try to pull it down, but you couldn’t quite do it with your trembling hands (which were a dangerously dark red). Rafael grabbed it again, slapping your hands away this time, pulling the zipper down and peeling the fabric off your skin as it stuck to you. “What were you thinking?” he looked down at you sternly, causing you to roll your eyes. “Calm down, I’m fine-” “You’re going to get ill,” he interrupted, taking your phone from you and placing it on the coffee table face down (which seemed to be his way of telling you I’m taking this because you are almost vibrating from how cold you are, not because I’m going to look through your phone, Hermosa). “you need a shower.” “I’m fine!” you argued, and Rafael looked at you with a deadpan look. You stared at each other for about ten seconds before you gave in, mumbling quickly, “Fine.” He walked you towards the bathroom as if you didn’t know where it was and opened the door for you. A quick “thank you” later, and you were peeling off the rest of your clothes before figuring out how to turn on the shower. After about a minute (which felt like an eternity, considering you were feeling hypothermic), you grabbed a towel before heading back out to find Rafael putting your hoodie in a washing basket. “Rafael?” he turned around at that, his eyebrows furrowing - he was cute when he was overly concerned. You suddenly became aware that you were naked and blushed heavily, “How- how do you, um, turn the... shower on?” Once he showed you and left the room, you basked in the water, feeling your previously numb fingers returning to life. You were highly aware of how long you were in the shower, not wanting to waste water or heat or anything. As well as the fact that you couldn’t stop thinking about how you were only one wall away from Rafael - totally naked. You took his (very expensive looking) shampoo and soap, cleaning yourself and your hair, before turning off the shower and leaving. Only then did you realise that you had no clothes - unless you would put on cold, wet ones. You wrapped the same towel around yourself before sheepishly entering the bathroom. Rafael smiled at you from his seat on his couch, his work abandoned on the dining table, his suit jacket on the back of one of the chairs and his tie looser than when he had answered the door, and a glass of scotch in one hand and the tv playing Netflix. “I don’t- um, I- I don’t have any... clothes,” you stuttered, looking down at your feet and fiddling with the towel. “You can borrow one of my shirts,” he said, as if it was the most casual thing ever, like you two always did this. he got up, pausing (in what looked like) the office (which you had convinced him to watch after it came to your knowledge that he had never watched it), and began to pull out a shirt from his drawer in his bedroom, handing it to you, which you thanked him for, still blushing from your current predicament. He went to leave before you spoke again. “I- I don’t have any-” you stopped talking, blushing too much before you could say ‘panties’. “You don’t mind wearing mine, would you? Because, you see, I don’t have any panties,” You blushed at his bluntness but shook your head to say, “No, I don’t mind. When, in actuality, you did mind, but only because the thought made you feel hot. Like everything else had once you had made your way into his apartment. You were naked. And, now, you were going to wear Rafael’s clothes. He left for you to get dressed; you shut the door, making sure it was locked, before you dropped the towel, pulling on his briefs and shirt. His shirt was white, and as you looked in the mirror, you realised that, yes, he could definitely see your nipples through the shirt. You buttoned three buttons before turning around and checking how much of your ass it covered. Thankfully, it fell to your mid-thigh, and even more, it smelt like him. You exited the bedroom, turning to close the door behind you softly to not disturb Rafael’s Netflix. What you didn’t see, with your back turned, was Rafael staring at you (specifically, your ass) and licking his lips. As you turned back around, you saw him sit forward and place his free hand (the one without scotch in it) on his knee - unbeknownst to you, he was trying to hide his growing member. You smiled at him, which he returned, and joined him on the couch, sitting about a foot away. You were right when you thought he was watching the office. He was currently watching Jim fax Dwight messages from future Dwight. You brought your legs up to your chest, sitting back on the couch. I watched as Jan told Michael that the branch was closing. “Would you like a drink, cariño?” he asked, making his way (very quickly, you noticed) behind the couch, as you watched the TV. You looked up at him, smiling, asking him for some coffee. He kissed you on the forehead, causing you to giggle, and then started on your coffee. But you swore as he turned around that he was... hard? Your eyes widened, and your cheeks grew hot as your head flew forward to stare at the TV. A smile grew on your face, and you tried to hide it multiple times, but you just couldn’t; it was... cute. Rafael was unbelievably cute right now - plus, his ears were pink, which made him look... well, adorable. You made sure he couldn’t see your face as you smiled widely, but you realised you were failing when he said; “What’s happening?” “What?” you turned to him, still smiling. “In Scranton,” he said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it was, but you weren’t focused on the TV. You were focused on what was going on behind the kitchen counter he was standing behind. “Oh, right, there,” you said, although you were sure you sounded teasing, which you must have because Rafael’s eyebrows furrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean, ángel?” he asked, coming back to join you on the couch, handing you the coffee. He sat closer to you than you had previously sat next to him, not that you minded - you wanted to sit on his lap, not next to him, but you’d settle for this. “Nothing,” you smirked as you glanced at him - his trousers were still tight. Your eyes went wide momentarily, but it was enough for Rafael to notice. “What?” “What?” you sipped your coffee, covering your smile as you looked at him. he narrowed his eyes at you before putting his arm around you, bringing you into his chest. He put the coffee on the table for you, looking down at you as you turned your head completely to look him in the eye. “You’re hiding something.” “Am I, counsellor?” You moved your legs over him, and he pulled you onto his lap, causing you to yelp and him to chuckle, burying his face in your neck, nipping and kissing at your skin. Your cheeks began to burn again as your smile and teasing attitude disappeared, replaced with whimpers and gripping onto the hem of your (or, rather, his) shirt. You did notice, however, that you weren’t exactly on his lap but on his legs. Which meant he thought you hadn’t noticed his... situation. “What are you hiding, cariño?” he began to kiss further down, kissing at your collarbone. You reached down to palm at his slacks, the office still playing in the background. You heard his breath hitch, and his head flew up to look you in the eye. “What are you hiding, counsellor?” you grinned at him, blinking through your lashes. His ears burned, as well as his cheeks, and he looked pretty shocked, too. However, he quickly recovered. He smirked at you, gripping your wrist, causing you to pout. His lips found yours, and you whimpered into his mouth, causing him to smirk again. “I’m not hiding a thing, cariño,” he said against your mouth, moving your hand back down to his bulge. He hummed against your mouth as you squeezed him lightly. His hand gripped your thigh, the other resting on your cheek as he deepened the kiss. You whined into his lips, putting your hand, not playing with his bulge, on top of the one on your thigh. “Please, Rafael,” you whimpered. His hand on your thigh began to creep up your leg, coming up to the waistband of your briefs before slipping inside. That was new. Sure, you had done things with Raf before, but he was always very... slow. He just wanted to ensure you were completely comfortable with what was happening, but now? Seeing you in his shirt? His fingers teased your entrance momentarily before he gathered your slick and began rubbing at your clit with steady circles. Your hand immediately gripped his wrist, your fingers not even managing to close around his arm. Your back arched, your tits pressed against him, and pathetic whines fell from your lips. His lips were attacking your neck and collarbone, marking you. “Oh, god,” you whimpered out, his fingers beginning to speed up, his other arm wrapped around your waist to keep you against him. Your fingers, the ones not around his arm, gripped his waistcoat. His rubbing sent impulses up and down your body, your vocal cords working on their own accord and your limbs twitching. “Please, oh, god,” his fingers and mouth were the only things you could focus on, and the rest of the world fell away. You were becoming incoherent with your words, that much you were aware of, as you mumbled out, ‘please’s and ‘fuck’s. You were pretty amazed you had stayed coherent for that long, considering that you were usually a mumbling mess of a woman who couldn’t make eye contact or stop blushing when he touched any part of your skin. You brought his face up from your neck, wanting to kiss his scotch-flavoured lips. The passionate kiss did not stop you from whimpering against him or prevent you from moving his hand away from your clit and towards your entrance. "estás tan necesitado, ¿no es así, cariño?" his tone was teasing, though you had no idea what he was saying. You moaned as his fingers edged around your entrance, and you dropped your head into his neck to hide the growing blush, your eyes fluttering shut. Your hips bucked as best they could in the position you were in. You whined when he took his fingers away from you; however, after he had moved you onto his lap (and, therefore, on top of his hard-on), his fingers continued their previous actions. He sunk one finger into your heat, causing your hold on his vest to tighten and your other to clench as you lifted it, trying to decide what to do. Your legs fell wider as Rafael curled his fingers into your sweet spot (and, of course, he knew exactly where that was, despite only having done this a couple of times). “Please, Rafael,” your voice was heavily muffled by the fact that you were pressing your face against his neck. Still, he must have heard you because he added another finger into you, rubbing against your sweet spot with two fingers whilst his palm ground against your clit. “please, papi,” you mumbled out, causing Rafael to stutter in his pleasing ministrations and his cock to twitch. You immediately seized up, your eyes flying open against his neck. However, Rafael’s fingers continued without hesitation, his other hand moving to your ass and squeezing it, pulling you more towards him. He hummed against the side of your head. “Papi, cariño?” your cheeks flushed, the embarrassment of the situation catching up on you. Your hold on his vest tightened, and you were sure you were seconds away from tearing it. You whimpered against his skin, the humiliation only contributing to your impending orgasm. Rafael smirked down at you, loving how you looked, squirming and whimpering on his lap. he loved that you were shy. You were adorable when you were blushing and stumbling over your words whilst you looked everywhere but him. When you called him Papa? he almost groaned aloud. He could feel you pulsing around his fingers, your legs spasming and back arching. Taking his hand away from your ass (and slightly lifting one of his legs to not make you fall), he unbuttoned your shirt, kneading one of your breasts. Your whimpers turned into moans, gradually increasing in volume and frequency. “That’s it, Hermosa, cum on papi’s fingers."

#rafael barba x reader #rafael barba #law and order svu #svu #rafael barba smut

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sissyisawitch · 3 months

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It'll Be Okay

Relationship: Sebastian Sallow x You

Summary: After the macabre events that occurred in the Feldcroft Catacomb, Sebastian is devastated. All he can think about is running away and pushing you away from him… but you don't plan to give up on him so easily.

Word Count: ~2.7k

Author's Note: This story is based on the song "It'll Be Okay" by Shawn Mendes. I hope you'll enjoy reading it!💙

Warnings: Major spoilers for the "In the Shadow of the Relic" quest + Angst

“I won’t let her suffer! Avada Kedavra!”

A flash of green light struck Solomon Sallow’s body, before it fell limp on the ground. Sebastian had done it. He had killed his uncle.

Oh, the future we dreamed of is fading to black…

He dropped his wand which clattered on the ground.

And just like that, you and Sebastian's future plans vanished, completely ruined. They used to seem so simple... you were supposed to cure Anne with the relic, make her return to Hogwarts, and then be happy all together with your little quartet of friends.

But as fate would have it, that was never going to happen.

A high-pitched, distraught voice brought you out of your thoughts, “Depulso!”

Anne had appeared in the Catacomb and apparently witnessed the whole tragic scene that had just unfolded, whereupon she herself attacked her twin brother, propelling him with all her might against one of the stone walls to stop him.

Driven by her fiery anger, she used what little strength she had left to cast a couple more spells to defeat the remaining Inferi and reduce Salazar Slytherin's Spellbook to ashes.

“NO!” Sebastian howled. He could do nothing but watch his sister destroy the book that was supposed to contain all the solutions to save her life.

“You’ve made your choice.” She said simply, before disapparating with the inert corpse of their uncle.

“Oh, Anne… What have you done?”

Oh, there's nothing more painful. Nothing more painful…

You were paralysed, unable to move even a finger after witnessing such a heartbreaking scene where a family was completely shattered, with no means or hope of ever repairing their ties. Poor Sebastian was left entirely alone, tears in his eyes, his face contorted by his crushing grief and regret. Merlin, you hated that sight with all your heart.

“I-I must get out of here.” He mumbled as he stood up and quickly looked at his surroundings, as if he were completely disorientated.

“Seb, wait!” You tried to hold him back, but Sebastian would not listen.

Instead, he fled. He ran like mad towards the exit of the Catacomb, desperate for fresh air.

“SEBASTIAN!” You shouted at the top of your lungs as you sped after him, hoping that it would be enough for him to hear you despite his head start.

It was only when you had made your way up the labyrinth of tunnels, once you were back in the Feldcroft countryside and away from the heavy atmosphere of the dusty Catacomb, that you managed to catch up with Sebastian.

Now that he was close at hand, you reached out to grab his arm, “Sebastian, stop!”

“STAY AWAY FROM ME!” He roared, sending your hand flying with more force than he would have used if he were in his normal state of mind.

You flinched out of reflex, but you were in no case scared of the boy. You never had been, and you knew you never would be. You understood that he was simply on edge and needed reassurance, so you kept your soft tone, “Seb–”

“STOP SAYING MY NAME!” He continued to shout in anger, but the way he was now gripping his hair and pulling at the roots showed that annoyance was being added to the palette of overwhelming emotions he was feeling at the moment. “For fuck’s sake I should’ve known better than to become friends with you in the first place.”

This. This last sentence. Maybe he could not scare you, but you too often forgot that he was still capable of hurting you, even if he did not mean any of it and it was his amalgam of panic and agitation that got the better of his words.

You tried your best to remain unfazed, “So what? You'd rather our paths had never crossed?”

“Yes!” He exclaimed without thinking twice.

I start to imagine a world where we don't collide…

For a moment, you lost yourself in your own thoughts. You imagined a parallel universe where you had never defeated Sebastian in Defence Against the Dark Arts, where he had never accompanied you to Hogsmeade on your first day at Hogwarts, and therefore a universe where you two had never become friends or exchanged a single word.

It also meant a world where you never fought trolls, goblins, and poachers together, where you never spent long nights in the Undercroft doing nothing but talking, where he never held you in his arms and comforted you whenever you were not at your best, resulting in your feelings for Sebastian blossoming into something much stronger and more genuine than friendship.

“Well, I don’t.” You finally answer.

“Well, you should.” He imitated your intonation with irritating impertinence.

You paid no attention to it, knowing better than to take any of his irrational actions into account, “Why?”

“BECAUSE I FUCKING RUINED YOUR LIFE!”

The screaming was back. Taking you by surprise once again. However this time, you were unable to react. The rawness and vulnerability of his words had hit you right in the heart, knocking the wind out of you.

“I have to go.” He muttered after your lack of reaction. He turned his back on you before setting off again, this time clearly determined to leave.

This was the moment that snapped you out of your stunned confusion, “Oh no, don’t you dare run away from me, Sallow!”

Your feet reacted even faster than your brain. You rushed towards him, but knew you would not have enough strength to hold him back, so you did the only best thing you could think of... You lunged at him and tackled him to the ground. Your body crashed into his with full force, causing his back to slam against the hard, cold, snow-covered ground.

“LET ME GO!” He fought back, kicking in all directions to try and push you off him.

“NEVER!” You pinned him down with all your strength. You were pressed on top of him while holding his hands on either side of his head, and keeping his thighs flat with your own legs. “Because you didn’t ruin my life, Sebastian.”

“Are you hearing yourself right now? I spent months teaching you dark magic. I just killed my uncle in front of you. You're a witness to a murder because of me! You could be sent to Azkaban BECAUSE OF ME! What more do you need to hate me? Tell me, because I'll do it right away if it means you'll stay away from me and be out of danger!”

And it's making me sick, but we'll heal and the sun will rise…

Sebastian's words made your blood run cold. Not because they made you reflect on everything he had put you through, but rather because you wondered how you were going to make him understand that you were not blaming him for anything, that the idea had never even crossed your mind.

“We can get past this. We can make things better together.” You said softly, unable to muster a better response.

He only scoffed bitterly.

“Sebastian, I don’t want to hate you, I want to be here for you!”

Judging that he seemed slightly calmer, you allowed yourself to release one of his hands to cup his cheek instead. With your thumb, you caressed his tanned skin, tracing the freckles splattered across his cheekbones. You did your best to convey your honesty and all your love for him through your delicate touch.

“No.” He replied firmly, leaving no room for negotiation, and then took advantage of your lowered guard to push you away again, this time with his hand which was now free. “Now leave me alone!”

If you tell me you're leaving, I'll make it easy…

You gave up being gentle and tackled him firmly to the floor again. You just needed him to listen to you for a few more minutes, “Okay. I won’t force you to stay if you don’t want to… But you need someone, Sebastian. Please, let me help you.”

“I don’t want your help!” He spat with a fury that was rarely seen in him. You had only seen it once... when he called you ignorant.

“Maybe you don’t want it, but you need it.” Now that everything had been said, you got out of his way to let him go if he so wished.

It'll be okay…

Sebastian sat up again, but stayed there, against all your expectations. You knew that all he needed was one last little push before he surrendered, so you insisted, “Don’t shut me out. Let me be here for you.”

“I–” His voice broke, giving way before he could even begin his sentence. His bottom lip quivered. “I didn’t mean to kill him. He attacked us… attacked you. I had to use the Killing Curse. You know I did!”

“I know. You did your best to protect me.” You reassured him by taking his hands in yours and giving them a little squeeze.

“I never meant for all of this to happen. I just wanted to help Anne.” It was not long before tears started to stream down his cheeks. “I want this hell to be over. Please make it stop.”

“I wish I could… but–” Now it was your voice's turn to fail you.

“I just want my little sister back.”

“I know you do… I know.” You swallowed hard to fight the tears that started to blur your vision. You could not allow yourself to cry. You had to stay strong for him. You had to be the pillar on which he could rest, because right now, he needed your help. If he saw you crying, it would only make things worse. This was not about you.

So you cuddled him against your chest, firstly to comfort him, and secondly so that he would not see the look of total dismay on your face.

“Ominis hates me too, and I can’t even blame him, because I hate myself too.” He was now full on breaking down, his head buried against your chest, and his tears streaming down your uniform jumper.

“I’ll love you enough for the two of us, then… until you learn to love yourself again, and even after.”

“I want the pain to stop. It’s been there for too long. I can’t stand it anymore.” The more time passed, the more erratic his breathing became.

“I know, baby. You’ve been so strong.” You kept spouting all the soothing words you could think of, in the hope that they would work on him.

“Please, make it stop. Please.”

“I’d take it all for you if I could. But I can’t, and I’m so sorry. I’ll do everything in my power to make you feel better.” You slowly ran your fingers through his silky brown locks, over and over again. Then you felt yourself losing your grip on your emotions, and soon your tears were flowing alongside Sebastian's.

Sebastian Sallow – the boy who was never afraid of anything and always had a trick up his sleeve – was on his knees in front of you, crying his eyes out, rendering him nothing more than the very image of misery and helplessness.

It was agonising to see the boy you loved in such a state, and not be able to do anything to make him feel better. How were you supposed to remain impassive in the face of that?

“Please fix everything. Fix me.”

“I can’t…”

And if we can't stop the bleeding… We don't have to fix it, we don't have to stay…

Sebastian's sobs continued unabated, “I’m scared to stay with you. I know I’ll end up doing something stupid and lose you too. Because that’s what I do… I do everything in my power to make the people I care about leave.”

This time, it was all too much. You could not let him belittle himself so cruelly. You grabbed his face between your hands and forced him to look straight into your eyes, not caring if they were red and swollen from all the crying, “Don’t say that. I know you made mistakes, but you’re one of the most brilliant wizards before anything else. You’re the only one who was great enough to steal my heart.”

“You’re everything I have left… I can’t lose you. Not you.” He clutched your shirt in his fists, as if he was afraid you would suddenly vanish before his eyes.

“Baby–”

Everything you were going to say died on the tip of your tongue... because Sebastian smashed his lips against yours.

You did not know exactly how it happened. You did not realise it right away because it occurred in less than a split second. And yet it was well and truly real.

There was nothing tender or romantic about that kiss. No, it was just rough, brutal and messy, reflecting all the despair they contained deep inside. It was a kiss full of passion, but not the kind that made you feel light and gave you butterflies in your stomach. Not at all, it was a toxic passion that burnt the wings off these butterflies and everything around them.

Sebastian was clutching you by the shoulders as if you were his lifeline, the only thing keeping him from tipping completely over into the darkness. And you, you kissed him back fervently, fighting the little voice in your head that was whispering to you that what you were doing was wrong, that you never should have discovered how salty his tears tasted as you kissed him for the first time.

You had to call a spade a spade, you should not be taking advantage of his vulnerability to get what you had always dreamt of... but you could not help yourself. Sebastian was hypnotic, and you could not bring yourself to pull away from him.

It was he who retreated first, and you instantly hated how his big chocolate eyes were filled with nothing but sheer panic, “I feel like I’m going to die without you… What if I die without you?”

Your heart pounded so hard to the point where it felt like you had a lump in your throat. You let out an overwhelmed and broken sob, “You’ll never find out because I’ll never leave you. You hear me? Never. I’m here for better or for worse.”

I will love you either way…

Sebastian let himself fall against your chest, and you welcomed him into your arms without the slightest hint of reluctance. You let him rest there, let him cry, tremble against you, while you caressed his untameable hair and whispered sweet nothings in his ear, doing your best to stop your own tears from flowing. You had no idea how long you stayed like that, but it felt like an eternity. You were probably freezing and soaking wet from sitting in the snow for so long, but thankfully you were unable to feel it thanks to the adrenaline coursing through your veins.

“Shh… It'll be okay…”

It might be so sweet… It might be so bitter…

In the months you had known Sebastian, you had imagined an infinity of different scenarios of the two of you kissing for the first time. None of those fit with the reality of Sebastian breaking down in your arms after committing murder. The situation had nothing in common with what you had wished for the two of you. You had finally got what you wanted, but you hated it. You just wanted to scream. Fate was even more cruel than you believed.

"Make the pain go away, please." Sebastian begged desperately, echoing your own inner thoughts.

"I'll do everything I can. I’ll do everything to give you the future you wanted." You cried uncontrollably.

Oh, if the future we've dreamed of is fading to black…

Minutes, hours passed, and your tears eventually dried. You spoke again, very quietly, as if afraid to frighten the peace that was slowly beginning to return, “We’ll get through this together, alright?”

“…I’m a monster.” He declared with resignation. He too had run out of tears to cry.

“You’re not.” You replied with just as much conviction.

“What if I get even worse? What if I end up hurting you?” He asked quietly.

“I will love you either way.”

#hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x reader #sebastian sallow x you #sebastian sallow x mc #sebastian sallow fanfiction #sebastian sallow angst #hogwarts legacy fanfic #fanfic

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whimsical-roasting · 11 months

Text

okay just imagine being friends with colin and jamie being like slightly jealous

okay so i’m thinking about doing like a psych major!reader who shadows Dr Sharon at the football club for experience and ends up having a thing with Jamie... like Jamie asks for her to tutor him on psych knowledge and being a better person and ofc they lowkey fall for each other but don’t know it...

ANYWAYS AROUND THAT PLOT LINE... the reader and Colin end up as bffs (lowkey spoilers for Colin’s info in s3?).. also my bestie is @sokkigarden and i love and appreciate her support

okay, so reader is shadowing Dr Sharon and Colin is so nice that he consents to her sitting in on the session since Dani was a bit too traumatised to have any silent observers

she doesn’t speak and tries not to make too much eye contact but when they do lock eyes, she gives him a soft smile, and he returns it

after the session, now only 3 people know Colin’s gay... him, her, and Dr Sharon. when she catches his eye at the end of the session, she does a little lock and key motion to her lips as if to say ‘my lips are sealed, promise’ with a soft smile, and he smiles and nods

the reader is usually extroverted and chatty but remains professional - not really interacting with the boys unless necessary (obvi Ted won’t have any of it, but that’s a diff point) so Colin isn’t too fussed about her...plus, she seems genuinely nice

in the next couple of weeks, the reader bumps into Colin in the hallway and goes, “oh!! Colin, I was out on the weekend and saw this and thought of you, so um, here :))” and nervously passes him a small pocketbook of affirmations since Dr Sharon instructed him to reaffirm “I am a strong and capable man”

he grins and thanks her, and then BOOM, they’re now good friends. he offers to drop her home when her Uber cancels, and they blast Taylor Swift and rap to Drake

now fast forward a while when Jamie asks the reader to tutor him in psych/therapy, and it is a funny exchange:

Jamie: you’re uh, good at this psych shit huh?

Reader: uhh, you mean the 4+ years I’ve dedicated to this degree? Yea, I kinda hope I’m good at this psych shit

Jamie: can you help me do better at therapy?

Reader: um,, therapy is more of a personal thing.. you kinda do better yourself

Jamie: oh, then what do you do :/

Reader: -_-

Jamie: no no, I didn't mean it like that, fuck sorry

Reader: I can tell you about tools and theories that can HELP YOU help yourself

Jamie: yea yea.. that. let's do that, I want that

Reader: this isn't a drive thru, Tartt, you can't just ask like it's a dollar menu

anyways,, she agrees bc experience yea totally it’s the resume experience and not cause he has a cute thinking face and emotional intelligence is hot or anything like that

so they’re like a month in with this whole ‘tutoring’ thing and she’s at his place and he notices a childish bracelet on her wrist.. he seems to notice a lot about her but he tells himself it’s cause he’s getting more self-awareness (lmao dumbass, SELF-awareness has nothing to do with HER hair, eyes, and new accessories but sure)

okay the next day in the locker room, he sees Colin w the same bracelet??? so he asks and Colin’s all like, “it’s a friendship bracelet, boyo!” and Jamie just kinda nods not replying before they head out onto the pitch

next time he and the reader are tutoring he asks why she and Colin are wearing the same bracelet thingy...she tells him it’s a friendship thingy and she made it for the both of them.... Jamie just kinda stares and goes ‘where’s mine.’

she blinks at him and tilts her head, “are we friends?” and his mouth falls open “we’re fuckin not???” he questions, slightly offended. and she’s all like “no no, ofc we are... but maybe just not friendship bracelet level friends”

Jamie fights back a pout, but there’s a crease in the middle of his brows and she wants to lean forward to flatten it with her thumb but fights the urge

there’s silence for a moment...

“when you upgradin meh?”

#jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt #ted lasso x reader #ted lasso #colin hughes #psych major!reader x jamie tartt #as a psych major myself #i am gonna INDULGE

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kaylawritesfics · 2 years

Note

hi! i love your henderson!reader and byers!reader so much 😭 would it be alright if i request a max's step sister headcanons? she's the complete opposite of billy BUT they get along really well, like the only person billy treats nicely, plus she and max are very close with each other too. thank you!

+ you can disregard this ask but i think i forgot to specify the max's step sibling request. it's with steve by the way thank u sm 💗

Dating Steve Harrington and Being Max’s Step Sister

summary: headcanons for dating steve and being max’s favorite sibling

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader (hargrove-mayfield!reader)

WARNINGS: swearing, mentions of abuse, mentions of canon typical violence, mentions of death/grieving, a couple sad moments, billy

note: i love max so much she needs a stable sibling tbh i’m rlly excited for this one !! also thank you so much anon i really appreciate the love and support i hope u have a fantastic day !! this does contain minor stranger things 4 spoilers !!

The day your father married Susan was simultaneously the best and worst day of your life.

On the good side, you got a new step sister, Max, who you absolutely loved. On the bad side, however, you had to move from your home in California to Hawkins, Indiana.

You were a year younger than Billy and a few years older than Max.

Even though he could be a major asshole, you loved your brother and he treated you better than he treated others.

You and Max hit it off right away. She tries to teach you how to skateboard and play video games and you give her boy advice and rides to the arcade whenever she needs.

Throughout the moving process, you tried to be there for your siblings as much as you could, knowing both of them were taking it pretty horribly. Max was leaving behind all of her childhood friends and you and Billy were leaving behind the house where you created so many memories with your mother before she died.

Starting fresh at a new school was tough for you and Max, however Billy seemed to be getting along pretty well.

Billy would threaten anybody who even looked at you the wrong way. You were his baby sister and he would protect you from anything.

You met Steve in science class after the two of you were partnered together.

He had already heard about a lot about you. You were Billy’s sister, which created a lot of gossip throughout the halls of Hawkins High.

Steve was a little intimidated by you at first, having met your brother already. However, as you guys talked, he realized that you were nothing like Billy.

You were quiet and sweet and you seemed to be really smart. Steve absolutely adored you.

It wasn’t long before you and Steve started dating, which frustrated the shit out of Billy. You were his little sister and of course he wanted you to be happy and loved but he despised Harrington and couldn’t stand the thought of his baby sister being around him.

This causes a lot of arguments between you and your brother because, while he really did just want the best for you, he was smothering you.

You and Billy didn’t talk for a week. With you angry at him, he took his frustration out on Max, which only made you more upset with him.

You frequently cried to Steve about your deteriorating relationship with your older brother while he held you. He felt guilty for being the cause of your straining relationship.

Steve decided to take matters into his own hands no matter how badly he hated Billy. They were able to talk things through and agreed to be civil for your sake.

Billy stared anxiously at the door, listening to the muffled laughter from inside. His stomach twisted in knots as he raised his hand to knock. As he did so, he heard the laughter stop and footsteps neared the door. You opened the door to find Billy standing there, looking awfully guilty. “Hey,” Your voice was small as you sent him an awkward smile. “Do you need something?” You asked, fiddling with a string from your pajama shorts. Billy peered behind you to see Max sitting criss cross on your bed, a few comic books and magazines spread around her. “Can you give us a second, Max?” Max nodded, excusing herself to the kitchen, smiling as you ran a hand over her hair when she passed by. You stepped to the side, letting Billy enter. “I talked to Harrington,” He mumbled, flopping down on your bed. He picked up a magazine and started flipping through it, rolling his eyes and scrunching his nose at the girlish nature of it. You furrowed your eyebrows, snatching the magazine away and placing it on your nearby nightstand. “About what, exactly?” You asked, the hostile tone in your voice was foreign to Billy and he didn’t like it. “We’re civil. If you’re gonna date him, I won’t stop you. But if he hurts you, I swear to god, I’ll kill him.” Billy stood up, crossing his arms defensively. You let out a small laugh at his protectiveness and wrapped your arms around him. “Thanks, Billy,” You mumbled as he returned your hug. “No problem, kid.”

You often play peacemaker between Billy and Max. They don’t seem to see eye-to-eye on anything. You eventually convince Billy to be a little less terrorizing towards her.

Max is grateful because, while Billy still yells at her when she’s a little late, at least he doesn’t actively try to run her over anymore.

It makes you sad that they don’t have a good relationship, knowing that Max deserves to have the same relationship with your brother that you had growing up.

However, somehow Max finds that relationship with Steve.

Max loves Steve, especially after he begins his role as “babysitter”

While she may not have a very good relationship with her real brother, she’s so appreciative of Steve and really begins to see him as a brother figure. She secretly hopes that the two of you get married so she can have him as a real brother.

Max often sneaks into your room late at night and climb into your bed. She gets a little scared sleeping on her own.

By some sort of miracle, you convince Billy and Max to have a movie night with you. You purposely chose the worst movies and spend half the night making fun of them. In the morning, Susan finds the three of you in a mess of limbs on the couch. There’s popcorn everywhere, Billy’s arm is wrapped around your shoulder and Susan can count at least six pieces of popcorn decorating his hair. Max is laying halfway on top of you with her legs slung over the back of the couch and her mouth is wide open.

Susan takes a picture, discreetly leaving it in your bedroom later that day. You keep it tucked away somewhere, not daring to show it to Max or Billy.

Your father is an asshole. While he’s never laid a hand on you, you can’t help but get sick to your stomach every time Billy has to walk around with a new bruise.

You try to get Billy to confide in you, but he’s just not that kind of person, choosing to deal with his pain by himself.

You do, however, start leaving bandaids and antiseptic spray in your shared bathroom. He appreciates it more than you know.

Steve’s house begins to feel like an escape for you. While you love your siblings, it’s nice to have a space away from the arguing and fighting.

Steve loves to take you for late night drives, especially if he knows things have been bad at your house lately.

Occasionally, Billy will hear a low rumble coming from outside, he’ll look out the window to see you drop from your window and run to Steve’s waiting car with your shoes in hand. Billy rolls his eyes, shutting the blinds and going back to bed.

Billy’s death hits the two of you really hard. Max spends a lot of her time alone in her room, listening to music and isolating herself. She really tries to distance herself after this.

You, on the other hand, take to sleeping in Billy’s room. The bedsheets smell like him and if you shut your eyes tight enough, you can pretend like your big brother is still there.

Your father and Susan believe he died in the mall fire, however you and Max know the truth. He died protecting Eleven, and by protecting her, he was able to protect the two of you one last time.

When your father leaves, you, Max, and Susan are left to fend for yourselves. You eventually have to move into a small trailer park across town. You make sure to pack all of Billy’s things up, keeping one box full of his things with you in your new room.

The death of your older brother puts a strain on your relationship with Steve. He wants to be there for you and help you, however, like Max, you isolate yourself, unable to bear losing someone else.

Eventually, you and Max are able to find your way back to each other, seeking comfort within your sister.

Max would protect Steve with her life. She swears to herself that she will never let you lose him. She cares about you too much to let you go through losing the most important person to you again. Late at night, when she thinks about dying, she often feels guilty for wishing she died with Billy. However, she knows that as long as you have Steve, you could get through anything.

She may bully him and rile him up, but if anyone ever even thought of hurting Steve, her brother, she would kick their asses.

While dealing with Vecna’s Curse, Max writes letters to all her friends and family. It takes everything in you to accept your letter.

You refuse to acknowledge the fact that your little sister could very well die while fighting this new threat.

In Max’s letter to Steve, she thanks Steve for being a brother to her.

She also tells him that if he ever hurts you, she and Billy will come back from the dead and make his life a living hell.

She signs the letter, “your baby sister, Max.”

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grievedeeply · 1 year

Note

Omg yes I will gladly request something for Banda he is so underrated 😭. Can I request general dating headcanons for Banda? Can it be fluffy there isn’t enough fluff of this man! Feel free to add in a couple stuff I hope you have a good day or night!<3

im gonna be honest. i dont care if this is ooc this man is so babygirl. those shoulders.... those hips.... that face. damn put me in the ground already 😭😭 also, you might know me from an old writing blog.. @/saebyeoked. i moved over here awhile ago, so i figured i'd write for aib here instead :)

gn!reader | tws: banda is a murderer... that's really it. overall pretty fluffy !! season 2 spoilers, and probably ooc banda | join my taglist !!

dating banda sunato headcanons

you met in the solitary confinement game. he immediately caught your eye. you weren't too sure on what it was, but there was something about him that had you captivated from the beginning

you, banda and matsushita form a trio, telling each other what your symbols are. your relationship with both of them is pretty simple, and you don't get closer to banda up until the game is over

chishiya had asked you to tell him his symbol, as his partner died in the previous round. he had told you that banda was a murderer, and you shouldn't put too much trust in him. he had yet to lie to you.. so you brushed his comments aside

so what if he was a murderer? wasn't everyone, at least in this world?

though, you would be lying if you said the information didn't put a pit in your stomach— one that was growing with each passing day in the borderlands anyway

you caught his eye back in the jack of hearts game, too. mostly keeping to yourself, he could tell you were scared of dying. he wasn't, but it didn't mean he wanted to by any means

you, chishiya, yaba and banda end up living through the game— and you feel something pulling you to banda. for some reason, you decide to go with him instead of chishiya

your relationship begins to progress after it's just the two of you alone. you become friends surprisingly quickly, for a man who was a murderer in the real world.. he isn't the worst company

he's intelligent, quick on his feet and able to read situations really easily. it's nice to have him around for those reasons, if nothing else

banda has a very hard time expressing his emotions. he isn't big on friends, so it takes awhile for you to get close enough to him for him to think of you romantically

he knows what that feeling in his heart is, and he pushes it away until he can't ignore it anymore

neither of you really.. confess. you two just flirt— a lot. you insist to yourself that it means nothing, and flirting is just a fun way to pass the time or something. but it does become something more

you realize you like him romantically when he saves you in a game. it's nothing big, not in his eyes, anyway. he pulls you out of the way of an object that otherwise would've crushed you, and he acts like it was nothing

neither of you ever say you like each other romantically. it just.. happens

you're initiating the first kiss, obviously. he acts so cocky in every situation and he tries to hide the fact that he has no idea what to do from you

over the time you spent together, you're able to read each other really well. it's a major benefit in your relationship, as you both know whenever the other is feeling upset or angry about something

as a boyfriend... i will say he has experience. he knows what to do to get you flustered and hiding your face in your hands, and that's at the very bottom of the list of things he does

he tries not to be cheesy. but he will set up makeshift dates while the two of you are out scavenging. he never plans them beforehand, but you don't care. he doesn't even have to do it in the first place— as long as you get to spend time with him that's enough

he isn't big on pda. there's no one around in your world, but it's a general thing for him. it makes him feel really exposed.. and it bothers him

though, if it's something you enjoy he'll hold your hand occasionally. that's really all he'll do, but it's more than you ask for

he doesn't mind physical touch in the moments where it feels right. if you're having trouble falling asleep, he'll pull you into his chest and just.. talk to you to help you relax

his voice is the most relaxing thing in the world in your mind. he could be reading out the dictionary to you and it would help you in some way

banda's VERY protective. he knows you're more than capable, but he does want to keep you safe

as much as he tries to act tough, he has a soft spot for you and your safety is a priority to him. he'll go out of his way to make sure you're okay, even if he's injured

he's a surprisingly sweet boyfriend. despite his.. history...

taking everything he sees that he thinks you'd like or reminds him of you to give to you at some point, picking out your favorite food at a store if he sees it laying around.. all simple, yet noticeable things to show he cares

most of the time, you'll be the one initiating physical affection with him. he has other ways of expressing his feelings for you, but if it's a love language of yours he learns to not mind it too much when it's appropriate

boundaries! super important in any relationship, and he sets them up with you really quickly. always respectful of you, and will back off if you tell him you're not feeling something

as strange as it feels to admit it, he feels himself warming up. becoming a better person. that doesn't mean he changes his attitude, though

it just means that.. he is more willing to help people struggling, even if you aren't around. if he walks away, he'll picture your smiling face in his mind and turn around

he has a guilty conscience okay

teases you whenever he sees an opportunity to. if you're staring at him? he's teasing you. it happens more frequently than you'd probably like to admit but you looove how he sounds whenever he teases you

his voice is just... so soothing. even when he's using it to embarrass you somehow

teaming up in games because you're the only person he trusts with his entire being

if you ever say you love him.... he's lucky he can hide his emotions on his face because WOO he's a bit flustered

he doesn't say it back right away, but it doesn't mean he doesn't feel the same way. when he does say it, it's a very special moment, probably after a game where you both almost died

he expresses his love in other ways, mostly. quality time is his biggest love language. it's easy, and meaningful at the same time :")

reading books in silence <3

overall, he's a good boyfriend. he knows what you need when you need it and he's willing to learn from you, which is more than what some people are okay with

he admits when he's wrong. he's okay with making mistakes, and you never judge him for it

he's different. but you like it. and you like him, obviously

he lucky. he knows that, and he repeats it to himself over and over in his mind sometimes just to ground himself

he wakes up in the morning and has you? someone as kind as you? loving him? it baffles him, but he doesn't complain

he really does love you. he has trouble saying the words, but he will say it verbally when he feels the need to

he's nice to only you, normally

you make him feel good. he won't ever throw it away, and he makes that promise to himself

if he ever looses you, he's really messed up. you're so GOOD and he can't ever let you slip through his fingers

#alice in borderland x reader #aib x reader #aib x you #banda sunato #banda sunato x reader #sunato banda x reader #sunato banda #alice in borderland x reader headcanons #banda x reader

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anderscim · 2 months

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✦ i did make an insane reach, but not about what i expected

(for your information, this is not about the Elliot Cuevas MV that was recently released. this is actually about something else.)

// DRDT spoilers up until ch2 + spoilers for the Literature Girl Insane MV

i guess i’ll just get straight to the point.

admittedly, i have no idea as to how to crack the number code / footnote #14 at the end of the Literature Girl Insane MV. i think i delved a bit too deep into the mathematics and tried to find some sort of symbolism in the numbers, before realizing i was going nowhere with it. if anyone does solve it, however, let me know. (￣^￣)ゞ

but i did make a couple of observations about the specific text shown during that portion. about a week ago i found something that could be a hint regarding what the text is about—and if it holds any ground, a possible clue to a certain character’s past before the killing game.

(take this theory with a huge mountain of salt)

———

there’s nowhere i can really start from, so i guess i’ll begin by talking about one of my observations.

this screen. this specific frame may not look like anything important, but out of curiosity i decided to count the number of question marks on this screen. there’s 32 in total—16 question marks for each row.

other than it being a factor of 256 (16x16), there’s something else that’s also linked to the number. the number of students (total) that participated in the killing games. every killing game has a total of 16 students, at least when it comes to the official series. and with the assumption that DRV3 is a killing game that takes place entirely separate from the other two—this means that Hope’s Peak Academy is associated with two past killing games, which combined, involved a total of 32 students.

aside from that, the footnote “256 words” seems to connect to one of Karasuyasabou’s other songs known as “Jabberwocky Jabberwocka”—and funnily enough, Jabberwocky Island is where the second killing game (SDRA2) takes place. it seems to be too much of a coincidence to brush over.

however, we know that this part of Hope’s Peak Academy’s history has been covered up—so only few have any access to information about it. there’s even direct dialogue that supports this fact; most characters in Despair Time have no knowledge of the previous killing games.

(this does raise questions as to why Teruko has any knowledge of the previous killing games—but i don’t think we’ll be able to answer those for a while as it seems to be a major part of her character.)

in that case, why this number? (here’s where the insane reaches begin. get ready.)

if we go back to the LGI MV, there seems to be an indication that this specific code is linked to a character—which is seen by this frame here.

the roman numerals that appear throughout the MV are linked to a crossword that appears earlier in the music video—and this number (I) is specifically linked to Xander, as seen by the solution to this puzzle by @/raspbeyes here. since the code, the ampersand, the equal sign, and the question marks that follow are all in the same font, color, and transparency (as well as general format), we could also say that the text that appears during this portion is linked to Xander.

as inferred from this theory by @/1moreff-creator, it’s likely that Xander (along with Mai) was heavily involved in a (secretive?) operation or at least some sort of research involving Hope’s Peak Academy. the bonus episodes that released in between chapters 1 & 2 seem to hint at these efforts as well:

and as far as we have inferred, this project proved to be an incredible risk—leading to not only Mai’s death, not only the new killing game, but also the memories of the remaining Hope’s Peak Academy students being reset to when they were first heading to the orientation ceremony. someone was adamant about covering everything up and leaving nothing behind, but Xander and Mai’s project shattered those efforts, if only for a brief moment. but, how exactly does this relate to the LGI MV? if the dev intentionally placed 32 question marks—one for each participant of the past Hope’s Peak Academy killing games—during a frame associated with Xander, then there’s a possibility that said past killing games are also associated with Xander one way or another. and the fact that this was deliberately placed where a numerical code (possibly related to a message) appears, it’s likely that by extension the message is linked to that association as well.

putting all of this together: the question marks from the LGI MV may contain a very specific clue about the numeric code associated with footnote 14—but not how to solve it, rather what the decoded message is actually about. or, if i can word this better, Xander and Mai’s “discovery” regarding Hope’s Peak Academy was about the killing games that took place there, and the message associated with Xander in footnote #14 will be one that talks about this discovery more in detail. if the information Xander and Mai uncovered was actually about these killing games, i think the reason why it was so risky would make sense—coupled with the fact that the Academy seems adamant about covering up that part of history. though this doesn’t actually provide any proper information as to how to solve the code—and i’m sure there’s a much simpler explanation for the question marks during that specific screen in the LGI MV—i think these observations were at least worth sharing.

as always, take this theory with a huge mountain of salt. and i mean, huge. (- -;)

#bagel’s train of thought #drdt #danganronpa despair time #despair time #fangan #fanganronpa #xander matthews #but yes. the most insane reach i’ve ever made. behold. ٩(^‿^)۶ #you see me making an entire theory based on the number of characters on one frame. you know how far gone i am.

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noahideahwrites · 10 months

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Alpha likes to play with their hair — Inuyasha Omegas

Notes: I like men with long hair, hehe. Anyway, Inuyasha is by far my favorite anime, so prepare for a lot of content about it and also content about httyd, cause I need more of these.

Warnings: might contain spoilers, probably has grammar errors

- Inuyasha:

»» He is a tsundere, so it doesn't matter how long into the relationship you're, he will still deny he likes it.

»» But at the same time, he won't stop you either, unless you decide to tease or make any comment about it. So if you want to play with his hair for as long as your arms let you, then better not talk about it.

»» He will like it even more if you brush his hair either before or after sleep, might even fall asleep while sitting with how much relaxing is for him. Just be careful with his ears, they're sensitive, but not in a sexual way, in more of you're either making them hurt with so much rubbing or the fact he can feel and hear everything you're doing, and might get overwhelming.

»» Now, the only hairstyle he would tolerate is a ponytail and nothing more. I feel like he would let you do it the first time, but he might get teased either by Miroku or Shippo, and since then you're only allowed to do a ponytail.

- Sesshomaru:

»» Sesshomaru does not care about it, as long as you're not interrupting him from doing tasks like hunting, fighting, or whatever else he feels like doing at the moment.

»» It would be best to play with his hair before bed or when he is just relaxing doing nothing at the time. Now, he does take really good care and takes great pride in his hair, even if he doesn't say so, so don't just mess with it and get it tangled or ugly (somehow).

»» Out of everyone on this list, he is the one that likes hairstyles the most, he might even get ornaments for you to decorate his hair with. Also as long as the hairstyle doesn't inconvenience him with tasks and fighting.

»» Sesshomaru also has a liking to shiny things, so get him some silver or golden ornaments and he will keep them forever. If the hairstyle you did on him gets unmade by someone who is not you or Rin, then consider that person dead, principally if they broke one of the ornaments you gave to him.

- Tōga:

»» He is very happy whenever you show him affection, and he doesn't have any issues at showing or even saying he likes it.

»» He loves it principally when he gets home after a hard day, he will have you both taking a bath together and you have to wash his hair, you have to is a rule, doesn't matter how long it takes.

»» Always falls asleep when you play with his hair, so be sure to do it when that's not a problem, also cause he has the deepest sleep to ever exist, I mean the world is ending and he is still asleep.

»» About hairstyles, I think he wouldn't mind as long as it is a day off and he won't go out. Because let's be honest, this guy loves fighting, he probably will get in a fight when he goes out, either on purpose or not, and will get the hair undone unless is a simple variation of a ponytail, and he will be very upset that his hair is undone.

- Kōga:

»» Only lets you do it when you're in private, not a single soul besides you two can ever dream about this happening, he has to keep his image of the strongest of the pack and whatnot.

»» And because of that is difficult to make hairstyles on him, also the majority of them will get messed up by the speed he runs, so there is no point to do it if he won't spend most of the day inside.

»» But he will let you put certain ornaments on his head, now nothing that calls too much attention or is fragile, cause he won't accept those. The ones he would like the most are those that can be put on the band on his head.

»» Now, the only day he would let you do a hairstyle and he goes out, is on the day you two get married, or whatever ceremony they do to make a couple oficial (besides mating). And if anyone comments on it he will rub in their faces that he is getting married and they aren't.

- Bankotsu:

»» Man has a braid 24/7, his hair is begging for something different, also I don't think he cares much about his hair. He only puts it in a braid cause that way it doesn't get in the way of him doing chores or fighting.

»» If it wasn't for his "siblings" he would have cut it a long time ago, and probably with something that was not meant to cut hair, so it would look ridiculous.

»» Bankotsu is fighting to the death almost all the time, so if you do a hairstyle different than his usual, make sure it doesn't have a way of being undone or messing up his moves, cause this could cost his life.

»» He doesn't care, so he will walk around with the silliest hair and don't even acknowledge it. Jakotsu will see it and will care and make him or you undo it and make a proper hairstyle, if you do make an actual hairstyle and look good, maybe Jakotsu will ask for you to do it to their hair later.

- Naraku:

»» Naraku is another one that does not care about you playing with his hair or not, as long as it doesn't happen in front of his enemies somehow.

»» He might even let you do hairstyles, considering you won't try to make him look silly or make "children's hairstyles" on him, if you do make these, he will either take it off right away or stop you midway and don't let you touch his hair for a long time.

»» He likes displaying power and riches, so if you make a hairstyle that shows that off, with or without ornaments, it doesn't matter, as long as he looks handsome and powerful he will like it.

(This next paragraph will contain spoilers)

»» Now for his clones/incarnations, they will all be very much fans of you playing and doing styles on their hair, depending on the incarnation they won't let you know, but I do think that they have the same feelings for you that Naraku does, but they cannot "control" it as much as he can.

#alpha!reader #hcideah #x gn reader #x male reader #x reader #inuyasha #sesshomaru #naraku #bankotsu #Kōga #tōga

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midnightsun-if · 5 months

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I’ve gotten a couple more asks in my inbox since the previous one last night that caused everything— I hesitate to call any of this discourse because I don’t want to sound dramatic— but I’d like to make this all-in-one post, that’ll be going in the FAQ, to settle this. Hopefully, I won’t get too harsh, and I apologize in advance if I do, or if I sound angry/annoyed, I’m just trying to stand firm, as I’ve previously mentioned, when it comes to this topic.

I’ll put the entirety of this underneath the cut— as I don’t wish to subject people who don’t wish to read it to the long post.

(I’ve shared screenshots beneath the cut… So, warning to anyone who may not like to see those when regarding this topic.)

I’d like to begin this by stating that I’m only annoyed, or somewhat vexed rather, with the ones that actually sent me these asks— I’m well aware a good majority of them are trolls, at least I hope, but I still felt like this would be a good time to simply collect them, make a one-and-done post, and then (hopefully) move on from this subject. As I’m, and I’m sure all of you, are tired of this topic— especially since it seems like a fairly cut and dry one to understand in the grand scheme of things.

Now I’d also like to say if you’d like to send me questions about expanding on Scarlett and/or Koda’s sexuality— what it means to them, why I decided to go that route, etc— you absolutely can! I’m more than happy answering them (though I may not be able to answer everything given spoilers). I’m not barring anyone from sending me anything, not that I truly could as free will doesn’t work like that, but I do hope this makes at least a couple people get the answers they need before sending in something. (And even if you do and need something explained a bit more? That’s completely fine!)

Onto the more gritty stuff…

Scarlett, and I’m mainly going to be mentioning her as this has been directed solely at her, but it also applies to Koda as well, is not a character simply for you all to romance, to have sex with, to be arm candy, etc. I’m well aware that’s not how the majority of people view her, but I thought I’d specify that regardless. She’s a character because of her own impact within the world, because of her own nuances, because of who she is… She works just as well as an RO as she does anything else. Am I excited about exploring her romance route? Absolutely. But, I’m even more excited about exploring Scarlett herself— backstory, personality, motivations, etc.

At the end of the day?

She’s Scarlett first before she’s the MCs anything.

Below are a couple of asks that I’ve received on this topic (older):

I saved these when I first got them because I was truly baffled by them and wanted to show my friend to see if I should do anything about it (just decided to delete them)…

Again, I’m aware these are more than likely nothing more than trolls, but I’ve gotten at least a dozen of asks ranging around this topic, that I’ve deleted because I didn’t think it’d become this much of an issue that I’d have to address in this manner, and I’d like to say to anyone that may think you can do this: No, you can’t.

Scarlett is a lesbian. I get that may disappoint some people, but there are seven other characters to choose from when it comes to romance. As I’ve mentioned before— Scarlett wouldn’t be Scarlett anymore if I decided to just make her romanceable for everyone. At that point there would’ve been no point to change her from the original character I had designed to fill her “slot” in the RO Cast.

Again, this isn’t everyone and I bet this isn’t even the vast majority of the individuals that are actually disappointed by Scarlett not being for everyone.

As for making Koda for F!MCs instead? Why would I do that? Barring the fact that he’s gay? Why do your potential problems with not being able to romance Scarlett suddenly outweigh the problems that F!MCs would go through by suddenly having that option torn away? It’s gross to even suggest doing something like that.

Below is one of the most recent asks that I’ve screenshotted to showcase what I mean in general:

I’m aware that I’d probably get some more readers if Scarlett would be accessible to everyone, but I truly don’t get this notion that Scarlett is somehow the supreme RO above all the others. I adore her, adore her route and character, but the others offer things too! They have their own special nuances that Scarlett doesn’t (just like it’s the same for her too). Not even going to comment on the interesting RO comment, as I feel like that’s intentional baiting (more so than the rest of this message).

I also wouldn’t want to cheapen my own characters, as well as the experiences you all can get with them, for more attention— I’m happy with the readers that I have right now. If I get more? Great! If I don’t? That’s also completely fine too. Because, at the end of the day, I know that I’m making the story and characters that I know I’ll enjoy making and that you all would enjoy reading.

Why not just let them?

Probably because Scarlett’s sexuality actually means something? More than simply keeping her from all of you? Like a lot of individuals seem to assume (a lot referring to the ones that sent these types of asks in)… Again, Scarlett isn’t a character just for you to get your rocks off. If you can’t respect that, how the hell would you ever actually respect her? And if you can’t even garner that basic amount, why would I ever let you romance her? (Not that I’d ever change my mind. Scarlett is staying exactly as she’s meant to be.)

I apologize if I’ve turned off readers from Midnight Sun because of this post, but I’ve been wanting to get this off my chest as this all started building up. I truly do appreciate all of you— and I can sympathize with the people that get a bit disappointed at finding out Scarlett isn’t for them: I.E. me with Miranda Lawson— but that doesn’t mean I’m going to change an integral part of who Scarlett is, pretty much taking out a chunk of what makes her Scarlett to begin with…

I’m sorry if I come off as overly harsh in this, but I hope I’ve been able to make my points firm and clear. Scarlett, and Koda, are staying as they’re designed right now— nothing, and no one, is going to change that.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

#midnight sun #ro: scarlett voltaire #ro: koda kingston

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tmagpposting · 3 months

Text

So, about TMAGP Ep 4

Some theories based on this newest episode. Major spoilers under the cut, so please go listen to it first.

I know there have been a lot of popular theories up to this point that Augustus would be Jonah Magnus, and episode 4 puts a lot more evidence out there that would seem to support this idea.

Here's what I thought was relevant to this theory after listening through the episode twice this morning:

Augustus is voiced by an older man who I don't think we've ever heard before, and we've never heard Jonah's actual voice either, since he's using Elias's voice throughout all of TMA as far as I'm aware. He sounded vaguely like Jurgen Leitner to me, although I think this is just on account of the fact that the VAs sound similar and not indicative of them being the same person or being meant to voice the same character (I didn't catch who voiced him in the credits and I couldn't find it online, if you all know please tell me and I'll update this)*

The incident report is a very old document, with a writing style and tone reminiscent of the old statements/letters to Jonah in the early days of the institute. It seems like it'd be right up Jonah's alley.

The episode revolves around a man succumbing to a dark power and eventually dedicating himself to it (the freaky bloodlust violin vs the Eye) and recruiting a younger man, in this case his relative, to serve this violent power (though probably after his death in this case, unlike with Jonah), which has some parallels to Jonah's recruitment of Jon and the rest of the staff in TMA.

We don't know much about the universe of TMAGP yet, but we know there is a Magnus institute that has aldready been linked to Eye-esque characteristics like paranoia, suspicion, (fatal) curiosity, and eyes as of Ep 1. It is possible that Augustus could be a version of Jonah from the TMAGP universe, rather than the same Jonah we dealt with in TMA.

.JMJ error could stand for some combination of Jon, Martin, and Jonah's initials, given that Chester and Norris also have Jon and Martin's voices.

In the TMA finale, Jon, Martin, and Jonah (though I assumed he was dead at that time) were close to where the fears were sucked out of the world and sent somewhere else, and Jon and Martin may also have ended up in the OIAR's computers in some form.

On the other hand, here's some evidence against Jonah being Augustus:

The other Jonah theory I've seen posits that Jonah took over RedCanary's body when they went down to investigate the ruins of the magnus institute, assuming that "canaries should stay above ground" and the gory photo of eyes was meant to represent RedCanary's eyes having been ripped out and presumably replaced with Jonah's. If you interpret things this way, it makes it less likely that Jonah is in the computers, unless you think both TMA Jonah and a hypothetical TMAGP Jonah are both around at the same time, though this theory is also a little shaky itself since it seems to be based on only a couple pieces of evidence so far. I first saw a post about this from @thermodynamic-comedian though that post says she saw other people discussing it, so please lmk if you know any major contributors to this theory and I will add them in here too.**

The fact that, to take over as the Eye's pupil, it was implied that Jon had to actually kill Jonah, and he was seemingly dead as of the TMA finale. Death was usually a very hard line in TMA except for a few avatars of the End and near-deaths where characters lost some of their agency (and/or humanity depending on your interpretation) to become an avatar instead (which Jonah already was), so him being back after seemingly already having been killed off isn't super plausible unless it's revealed that he didn't actually die in the first place.

It seems like there's enough evidence at this point that this theory definitely feels viable, though there is nothing definitive that I'm aware of, and there are some things that point to other explanations.

I personally (this is now entering pure opinion territory, tread lightly) don't love the idea of Augustus being Jonah, because I'd prefer it to be someone or something new to the series or something otherwise more surprising, rather than the same central antagonist as last time. There certainly are ways they could pull this off well, and bringing him back definitely doesn't tarnish the story on its own, especially since he was a pretty great villain with a lot of his character left more or less ambiguous or untouched by TMA, but it still feels a bit like relying on nostalgia for TMA to flesh out TMAGP's plot and conflict, at least to me. However, all the evidence pointing to it being Jonah could be some kind of red herring to specifically mislead past fans of TMA and set up for a later twist, or we could just be running our minds in circles and drawing conclusions that won't turn out to be relevant to TMAGP so early on. Only time will actually tell, and regardless, I'm really eager to see what happens.

* UPDATE: Augustus is voiced by Tim Fearon, thank you to @lokicat5 for finding that out! We haven't heard him before on this podcast, so he could be either Jonah Magnus's original voice, or a new character entirely.

** UPDATE: I found and reblogged what seems to be the original theory that Jonah killed and took over RedCanary, it's by @vertigala and @doomatix, check out their post it's pretty cool.

#tmagp #the magnus protocol #tmagp spoilers #the magnus protocol spoilers #the magnus archives #tma #the magnus archives spoilers #magpod #tma spoilers #tmagp speculation #tmagp theories #tmagp 04

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plantsjustwannahavefun · 6 months

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As someone who has kind of convinced themselves Izzy is gonna die at the end of S2, could you share your reasons why you think he won't? I'm sure a lot of us who think he's doomed could use some ideas as to otherwise. And who do you think is being buried in that grave scene in the Behind the scenes video? I'd love to hear your thoughts!!!

Hey, first of all, this is the first ask I’ve ever got, so thanks ☺️

Okay, so, there’s been so many posts recently with much more elaborate and better-argued takes than mine, and I can’t really take credit for anything I’m going to say here because none of these thoughts are original, really… but anyway.

I was surprised how quickly and strongly people seemed to have latched onto the “Izzy’s gonna die” train based on, as far as I'm concerned, nothing more than a couple of vague BTS bits and a general sense of foreboding caused by previous experience with stories like these.

First of all, the BTS pictures and videos. Namely the bit where Izzy seems to be lying down and the one with the grave. It’s a massive stretch at best. I think Izzy’s likely to get injured at some point, but this could literally be anything, we can’t even see what’s going on. This could be a fuckery. At one point Ed is holding out his hand stained with blood, but we don’t even know whose blood it is. Same for the grave. Izzy isn’t the only crew member missing from the ring of people standing around it. We know there’s going to be a big battle in E08, so it's not surprising someone would die, but there’s simply no proof and not at all likely it would be Izzy.

Also, think about it. Izzy’s a sailor. Sailors typically get burried at sea. The only other place I could imagine him wanting to be buried at is next to his family in England, but that might just not be feasible, so he’d most likely get burried at sea. The way I see it, he’d much rather rest on the ocean floor than some random beach in the Republic of Pirates, a place he claimed to hate in S01.

Another thing: the creators of the show know how rabid this fanbase is. They knew we were going to painstakingly pick apart and overanalyse every single frame of every morsel of promotional content we could get our hands on. So far they’ve gone to great lengths to avoid major spoilers. They even changed Ed’s line in the trailer where he said “and, more importantly, no more Izzy” (replaced it with “no more Stede”) in order not to reveal the plotline of Ed shooting Izzy, even though that line was pretty vague and could have been up to interpretation. So how likely is it that they would reveal a major character’s death in several frames of BTS material? Just not very likely at all, I’d say.

Then I’ve seen a few people argue that the writers want to get rid of Con because doing the CGI for the unicorn leg is too expensive and inconvenient. I’m calling bullshit on that one too. Admittedly, I don’t know much about CGI, but Con literally just has to wear a green sock over his boot or something like that, and it’s not that hard to frame it in a way that makes his leg less visible. So far we’ve had a lot of shots with him just sitting there, or where he was filmed from the waist up. I imagine it wasn’t easy for Con to mimic moving like he was missing a leg, but he nailed it perfectly, and he seemed to have an easier time walking around in episodes 6 and 7 compared to ep 5, so he won’t have to keep up the severe limping to the same extent. At this point Izzy is the third major character after Stede an Ed. There’s no way they’d get rid of him just because of a minor cinematographic inconvenience like that.

And then there’s the fact that nobody actually dies in this show except for the villains. David Jenkins took the “bury your gays” trope and turned it into “make your gays unkillable”. This is literally the show that gave us recreational gut stabbing. There’s only a couple of exceptions, but they were all very minor characters or, well, a bird… I really liked Ivan, but he was easily the least important character out of all the crew members, and probably the only reason his death was offscreen was because the actor quit after S01. There’s no indication that Con wants to quit, it’s obvious he’s having the time of his life with this role, so it’s very unlikely he would sacrifice it for some other project.

What OFMD does love, on the other hand, is characters appearing to die, only to end up surviving against all odds. That’s, like, its signature trait by now. None of us really believed Lucius was going to die, even though logically it was extremely unlikely he wouldn't just drown immediately. They didn’t even bother to explain it properly, that’s how little this show cares for realism. And we love that about it. Izzy himself has already had not one, not two, but THREE instances like that: the dream sequence scene, getting shot in the leg, then surviving his suicide attempt. If he happened to actually die for real now, that would just be bad storytelling.

Speaking of storytelling… That’s really the main reason I don’t believe Izzy’s going to die. I know a lot of people are hung up on the whole “his narrative arc is complete and he has served his purpose as a character” thing, and in any other show that might be true, but not this one. OFMD isn’t just a show, it’s a love letter to the queer community. Izzy is now a representation of a queer person discovering himself and being accepted into the found family. He figuratively embodies the spirit of the Revenge. The physical unicorn figurine was destroyed, but the crew managed to use something “broken” and give it a new life. If the show did this only to kill Izzy off right afterwards, that would feel like a slap in the face. It wouldn't complete his character arc, it would undo it. It would be way worse than another show killing off some character that simply happened to be gay. It would feel like killing a character off specifically because they finally found some happiness in being gay, right after reaching the peak of their personal development as a queer character. It would feel deliberately mean rather than merely thoughtless.

And it would make the very first scene of S2 kind of meaningless, too. That dream sequence specifically showed us what was not going to happen. Izzy wasn’t going to stand between Stede and Ed anymore. Izzy and Stede weren’t going to be enemies anymore. Ed wasn’t going to melt into Stede’s arms and immediately forget all that’s happened. And Izzy isn’t going to die. Simple as that.

#oh boy I've done it again haven't I #wrote a sloppy meta commentary novel #full disclosure this is roughly 80% my true objective unbiased opinion and 20% industrial strength cope #but we'll see #this rambly baby is gonna age like like fine whisky #you mark my words #izzy hands #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd s2 #ofmd s2 spoilers

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adorkablenerd · 7 months

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A Star's Laughter

AAAAAH I HAVE BEEN SO OBSSESED WITH THIS MAN AND I NEEDED TO WRITE SMTH FOR HIM!! I really hope I did him justice and that y'all enjoy this fic :) This is just some Astarion fluff cus I want him to be happy so bad

This is a tickle fic! Also there shouldn't be any major spoilers here, just some tiny things that hint as stuff that happens in the 1st act, but nothing that out right spoilers stuff!

Ship: Astarion x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Words: 2,373

Some may call it stupid to annoy a vampire, but you had done plenty of other things people would call stupid and survived, so surely this would be fine. You couldn’t help it when said vampire was so cocky and fun to mess with.

“Love?” Astarion turned his gaze from the book he was reading to look at you the best he could with your head resting on his shoulder.

“Yes, my star?” You could see a hint of his real smile come out at the pet name, but he quickly hid it, opting instead for an obviously fake glare.

“Normally I would love your never ending attention, however I would really like to read in peace.” You both knew he was lying. He had been reading the same book all morning just to get a rise out of you, claiming to be busy every time you tried to drag him out of your shared bed.

“I think you’ve spent enough time with that book today, you’ve barely even made any progress with it!” You moved your head off of him, giving him an offended look. You weren’t wrong, despite it being in his hand for the past hour, he had only gotten a couple pages further from where he started.

“Well, perhaps I’d have gotten more read if someone wasn’t so incessant on bothering me.” He didn’t even move his head to look at you this time, but you could tell he was smiling. It was a game to see who was more stubborn, and you were determined to win.

“Are you sure you’d like to continue reading rather than paying attention to me?” You used your sweetest voice and best puppy dog eyes, but he still wouldn’t look.

“I’m sure darling, this part is quite good, I think I'll be reading all day with how captivating the story is.” Well, if that’s how he wanted it, you didn’t mind being more convincing. From your spot behind him, you brought both of your hands to his sides, beginning to lightly trace around the area over the white night shirt he was still wearing. You felt his body jolt at the initial touch, but he held back his laughter.

“If it’s so interesting I would love to know more. Why don’t you tell me a bit about it?” You’re touch traveled higher, still just barely grazing his ribs, yet you could see how he struggled to stay still.

“I-I don’t think you’d care for this one, dear.” One of his hands moved to cover his ever growing smile, while the other kept the book open.

“I believe that should be for me to decide on my own. If not a summary, perhaps you could read it aloud for a bit. Surely that’s not too much to ask for?” Your hands moved again, this time to his back, nails lightly scratching up and down it. He jumped slightly, and his body leaned forward, away from the touch for just a moment, but leaned back towards you when he felt the touch leave him. You had always tried to be careful when it came to touching his back, never wanting to make him uncomfortable, but he never seemed to mind when it came to you. You could tell he was close to breaking, his body trembling trying to hold everything in. He couldn’t even respond, knowing that if he did he wouldn’t be able to contain the laughter that was threatening to spill out. He instead turned the page of the book and tried to block out the sensations that were taking over his mind.

“Still not enough? Fine then, I suppose I’ll have to try something else.” The feeling was quickly torn away from him as you brought your arms back towards you. Despite initial relief he felt, it was quickly replaced with another feeling, one he could only describe as disappointment. It confused him for a moment, did he truly like it? Was it the gentle touch? The feeling of wanting to laugh freely that came so rarely? Or was it because it was you? He didn’t have much time to contemplate these questions, as he was quickly brought out of his thoughts by your fingers finding their way under his arms.

“SHIHIT! Youhu cheheheater!” Caught off guard, he dropped the book and broke into loud cackles. His arms had gone down on instinct, trapping your hands where they were, making it even easier to target the area. You still kept your touch lighter, but it was enough to keep him giggling as you swirled the tips of your pointer fingers in both hollows.

“Ah, are you done reading now? How wonderful, I just knew you’d come around.” You put your head on his shoulder again so you could see his expression better. From the new angle, you could see his laugh lines and realized how his fangs were always more noticeable when he was laughing. He had never looked more beautiful. You smiled at the sight, then lightly blew a small puff of air into his ear.

“EEhehe, I aham nohot dohohone! Nohow thahat I’ve lohohost my pahage, I mahay have to stahart from thehe beginihihing!” He was instigating you even further, not wanting you to stop again, not for a bit at least.

“My apologies love, by all means continue reading your book. It’s still in front of you, all you need to do is pick it up and open it.” You stilled your fingers for a moment, giving him the chance to reach out for it, while still keeping your hands in the same spot. He waited a moment, aware it was a trick, then quickly reached out anyways. As soon as his arms raised to grab it, you softly pinched at his top ribs, making them slam back down again before he could get to the book.

“Thihis ihisn’t faihihir and yohou knohohow ihit!” He complained through his giggles, body beginning to lean back into you as he lost the energy to keep himself upright.

“My beloved, we both know neither of us play fair. Now, are you ready to give up on the book?” You continued playing with his ribs as he went even more limp in your arms. It didn’t take you very long to catch on to the fact that he didn’t mind this. He wasn’t trying to get away or stop you in the slightest, and you could see the genuine happiness in his smile that he tried so often to hide.

“N-Neheheveher.” He shook his head at you from its place on your chest. You couldn’t but laugh a bit yourself at how cute he could be at times. Hearing your laughter, a slight blush decorated his cheeks and the tips of his ears. He moved to face the opposite side as you, trying to hide his embarrassment.

“Well, that won’t do at all.” You removed your hands from under his arms with ease and moved to the side, making him fall flat onto the bed. By the time he had processed that the tickling had stopped again and that you had moved from behind him, you were already on top of him, sitting on his upper thighs. You grinned down at him, hands curled into claws right above his tummy, ready to strike.

“Mhm, I think this is the best angle by far~” No matter which way he turned his head you’d be able to see his bright smile, something the vampire was less than thrilled by. He seemed torn trying to decide what to do with his hands, stuck between wanting to cover his face or cover his waist, over which your hands hovered, but didn’t yet touch. He settled on grabbing a pillow from behind him and holding it to his face, trying to hide his reactions from you.

“Still a good angle darling?” Though the words were slightly muffled, you could make them out just fine. Even when flustered he still managed to snark back at you.

“I’m still enjoying the view, though I admit, I’m a bit disappointed I can't see your beautiful face.” You placed your hands onto his sides and kept them frozen there.

“I-I’m sure, it’s truly a shame, isn’t it? Perhaps if you had just let me read you could have just admired mEHEE-” Whatever he was about to say next was cut off by you squeezing up and down his sides. His arms shook, but held the pillow to his face, though it didn’t do much to quiet his fit of giggles.

“I suppose I’ll just have to admire your gorgeous laughter instead. That is, unless you’d like to stop hiding from me and admit you love me more than that book.” Though you were sure he was enjoying himself, you wanted to make sure you weren’t going too far by giving him an easy out. One he chose not to take. Hearing your words, he pressed the pillow even more into him, trying to dampen the noises coming from him and to make sure you couldn't see him.

“Nohohot hahapehenihing!” You could still make out the words he was saying and couldn’t help but laugh again at his stubbornness. You faked a gasp, though you weren’t sure if he even heard it over himself.

“My love, you wound me so! If that’s how you truly feel then so be it. I’ll just have to prove that I’m far more worthy of your love.” His laughter rose as you spoke, both at your overdramatics and from your fingers making their way under his shirt to light scratch around his tummy.

“Ihi hohope you knohow Ihihi’m gohoing toho gehehet you fohor thihis.” It was a bit hard to feel threatened by someone who had their face shoved into a pillow giggling adorably.

“And how are you gonna do that with your hands so preoccupied? Not to mention you’re much more sensitive than me dear, it might be a bit difficult to get your revenge while you're busy trying to defend yourself.” You may have been lying a bit, but he didn’t need to know that. You moved your hands again, this time going down to his hips and tracing around the tops of them. You almost fell off of the other when his body quickly bucked up at the first touch to the new area, and you could've sworn you heard what sounded like a squeal come from him. You quickly readjusted yourself and noticed that his arms had slightly come down, his grip on the pillow loosening as well.

“Oh, what’s this? Did I find a good spot?” You picked right back up where you left off and went back to tracing all around his hips with your nails. This time you had braced yourself in case he reacted so strongly again, but were unprepared for a pillow to hit you directly in the face.

“Oohops, my hand slipped.” Now that the pillow was no longer shielding his face from your view you could see the pink that filled it, the color traveling up his ears as well. You could barely pretend to be mad, too amused by the whole situation. You picked up the pillow that hit you and tossed it off to the side so it wasn’t in the way. You put your hands around his hips and smirked down at him.

“Oh you are so dead.” Astarion didn’t even have the chance to respond before he broke into shrieks of laughter, his hands moving to grip your wrists, but not trying to push them away. The way his laugh sounded when this new area was targeted was the best by far. Though all his laughs were beautiful, this one was full of squeaks and even a few snorts, and it was heavenly. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that he surrendered through his hysterics, face now a brighter red.

“Ohokahay, okahahahay! Ihi lohohove yohou mohohore thahan thehe bohohohook!” You took this as your sign to stop, and so you moved your hands away, proudly smiling down at him.

“See, that wasn’t so hard, right love?” He tried to glare at you, but the smile stuck on his face took away any malice it could have held.

“Of course you’d say it wasn’t hard, you weren’t the one being tortured.” Despite his words and best efforts, you could still see the smile he was trying to hide with a pout.

“Ah yes, a truly horrible experience, I assume. Though, not once did you actually tell me to stop, you know?” He refused to meet your eyes, choosing to look anywhere else in the room.

‘Yes, well, the thought must have slipped my mind.” His hands intertwined with yours, still seeking the warm comfort of them.

“Mhm, I’m sure it did.” You leaned your head down towards him, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“One thing hasn’t slipped my mind though darling.” He returned your gaze, giving you a peck on the lips.

“And what would that be?” His head moved closer to your ear, whispering one quick word into it.

“Revenge.” Seizing the opportunity, he quickly flipped your positions, him on top of your waist, pinning your arms above your head. The amount of energy he still had surprised you, and the quick movements caught you off guard.

“You didn’t really think you’d be getting away with that, did you?” He smirked down at you. Your mind went back to the promise he made about revenge. You knew that he would most likely stay true to his word, but you didn’t expect that it would be so soon.

“I don’t regret a thing.” You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself a bit as you spoke. Though the redness that coated his face had mostly dissipated, you could still see a bit of the pink on the tips of his ears.

“We’ll see about that~” He moved both of your hands to only one of his easily, not that you tried very hard, or at all, to stop him. You certainly had his attention now, and it would be a while before either of you thought about that book again.

#tickling #tickle fic #my writing #baldur's gate tickle #astarion #astarion ancunin #bg3 astarion #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #i think this is prob the hardest ive ever worked on a fic before #im so soft for him fr #he deserves the world

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