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sewercentipede · 1 year

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lorazepam, for about 2 years, almost everyday, 1,5-2mg per day

ty for answering :)

ofc! :) just bear in mind that the following advice is coming to you from an internet stranger who—while having experienced a longterm benzo addiction, has successfully tapered off benzos, and has researched how to do it safely—is not a doctor or medical professional of any kind.

ok this post got super long and I just figured out how to put a “read more” cut on mobile woohoo!

so do u take it once a day or multiple times a day that add up to 1.5-2mg?

also l forgot to ask what do you take it for? panic attacks or GAD or other anxiety related disorder, or recreationally? when u say that it doesn’t work anymore do you mean it has absolutely zero effect on ur anxiety? or if you use it recreationally is 2mg not producing any effects whatsoever?

basically what ur wanting to do is take a tolerance break from benzodiazepines so that they work without you having to take larger and larger doses…since cold turkey quitting benzos can be lethal, and 2 years of a strong benzo like lorazepam daily is not insignificant, slowly tapering is the safest way to go about this.

lorazepam (and alprazolam) is not ideal for tapering though, due to its short half life and its high strength. long-acting benzos are best for tapering, particularly diazepam. clonazepam, while long lasting, is not the best because of its strength, but it’s better than loraz and alp. so If you have access to a long-acting benzo, that will make it easier to taper for the purpose of a tolerance break. if not, u can still make it work.

if ur taking loraz for any of the above mentioned anxiety disorders, i would first find the lowest possible dose that you can tolerate by lowering the dosage by 0.25mg every week, until you’ve hit the lowest possible dosage you can tolerate. then take it only when ur anxiety symptoms are to the point of being intolerable and stay at that dose for at least a week, ideally 2 or more weeks. lowest possible dosage means you will still experience anxiety and still find it mentally/emotionally uncomfortable (and probably have trouble sleeping well). if u hit a dose where ur experiencing any kind of muscle tremors or spasms or restless legs or skin-crawling, thats too low, increase the dosage by 0.25mg until that stops, and then don’t exceed that dose.

if ur taking it recreationally do the same thing, except take it the same frequency you’ve been taking it. (or less frequently as long as you don’t experience the physical wd symptoms I mentioned)… just make sure not to take it more frequently to compensate otherwise it’s pointless.

after taking that lowest tolerable dose for 2 weeks, do it (tapering by 0.25mg each week) again. and keep doing that until you hit zero. how quickly u get to zero is gonna depend on ur symptoms (its different for everyone). main thing is we want to avoid any withdrawal symptoms that involve muscle spasms, muscle tremors, panic attacks, or severe skin crawling sensation. when u hit zero stay there for at least 1-2 weeks. congrats! you’ve now successfully taken a tolerance break. id try to make this t-break go for as long as possible, 1 week is honestly super generous as a minimum it should be at least 2, but ur not taking mega doses.

I feel like after 2 weeks of no benzos, after doing a slow taper to get to that point, once you start taking them again you’ll notice your tolerance is lower(so you won’t need 1.5-2mg to feel anything so take less than that to start).

on the other hand, if u get panic attacks and taking 1.5-2mg does absolutely *nothing* to alleviate them, then unfortunately that means u need a higher dose than what ur on rn. but don’t fuck around and wreck ur tolerance more by doing this unless absolutely necessary (meaning only take the higher dose when you need it for a panic attack).

yeeeeeeesh sorry this got so long.

More important than what I’ve written here, this is the Ashton manual. it tells you everything you need to know about benzo tapering and exactly how to do it. so save this pdf, check out the table of contents to find the relevant chapters, read it, and if any of my advice contradicts the advice written in this manual, go with what the manual says. this is the protocol that anyone who needs to taper off a benzo for any reason after longterm use should follow.

If it sounds like I’m being overly cautious…it’s cause I kinda am. I have no idea how your body will react to dose changes or suddenly having a lower seizure threshold, and I don’t want to risk you having a seizure (and I’m sure you don’t want to either!)

Could I have just linked the Ashton manual instead of writing any of this? Probably. but my dumb ass didn’t think to do that until this moment 🥲

anyway, good luck, and if u have any more questions, my ask box is always open !

#benzodiazepines #benzos #drugs #ashton manual #drug addiction #tapering #long post #addiction resources #addiction recovery #addiction #benzo withdrawal

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dlartistanon · 8 months

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"Irreplacable"

#arknights #yato #noir corne #dlarts #noir has heterochromia you can't change my mind #i've been so focused on reclamation algorithm oops #playing it nonstop even though i'm bad at it lol #regrettably i think i'm addicted?#is this how people who are super into resource games feel like?

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mishapen-dear · 6 months

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and a spare jaiden thought. because what the fuck was all that death. all that constant death. her minimap drenched in red from the endless death. she has been so self sacrificial at LEAST since bobby died, and now this?

jaiden has more family now. she has red team. she felt like cucurucho was the only one there for her, her only friend. traumabonded to an evil bear, now traumabonded to an evil cult. they have died with her. she will die for them. over and over and over and over and over again. needless in the pure quantity of death. her life is nothing to her. and why the fuck should it? the colour of the map doesn’t bother her- her world is already red

#qsmp #qsmp jaiden #tw suicide #CCJAIDEN PLS INCLUDE PURGATORY IN YOUR CHARACTERIZATIOM #shes just so.#and the way she spent her lives endlessly. Like a resource. A tool.#something to be thrown away and played with #and how willing she already was put herself in danger #and now she’s finally getting results for it #she originally accepted cucurucho’s tasks because she thought it might help protect the other eggs #and look where that ended up #but now. Putting herself in danger is getting results #dying is getting results #she can see the tangible effects of her suffering #imagine how addictive that must be

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koszmarnybudyn · 7 months

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Finally did some art for my good omens au, (yes i know im collecting aus like aziraphale collects books but oh well).

They are an angel and a demon on doods shoulders :)

I already have link finshed and am planing on drawing Taylor, Dood and Hermie as well.

Also just design notes/general thoughts:

Will saying Normal would dress vintage changed me so here he is in something vintage inspired, thought with the ever present sneakers i draw him in. I feel like he has a pupper shop or something, not quite sure, he is a mascot and local sport teams enthusiast. I should have incorporated more purple in his design to be honest, he does have some in his eyes. I feel like he uses 70s or 80s slang, generally just a word mishmash of generations. And in all his ethearnal years he has still not learnt to cartwheel.

Scary's design is mostly punk/metal/goth inspired, for once i opted for more red than purple, and brown in her hair. I decided to give her octopus eyes as a nod to her doodler connection. They are both older here (i think about mid 20s) so she gets to be even cooler than usual (she is my dress up doll for outfits i wanna wear but would be texture and comfort hell for me).

They are just besties here (sorry to my whatever their ship name is shippers im not a fan of the ship at all), and link taylor, dood and hermie will hopefully be coming shortly. As for plot stuff its good omens inspired with them trying to stop the apocalypse (idk who warlock is here, since dood is adam), its mostly show inspired since i have not yet finshed the book, and idk if plot is even really my concern i just like designing looks for diffrent situations.

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #normal oak #my art #scary marlowe #i am also wanting to draw a pirate and a cowboy au tho my time resources are limited #now i gotta go read a book for class since ive been procrastinating and i have till tomorrow #wish me luck #also my inside voice is basiclly johnathan sims now i am nearly finished with season 1 idk how #and my sudoku addiction is crippling :((((

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chronicsymptomsyndrome · 3 months

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I just came across this post which explains that disabled people are welcome in the community regardless of the source of their disability. Specifically, people who “did it to themselves” via complications from addiciton, injuries from high-risk behavior, or any number of other reasons (although someone in the notes correctly points out that addiction is already a disability on its own.) Its not currently reblogable but I really wanted the sentiment to reach as many people as possible

So just to be clear, people who “did it to themselves” still deserve accommodation and acceptance and community. In fact I would even go so far as to say nobody ever really “did it to themselves” because no healthy person with options would ever willingly or knowingly disable themselves, and also because factors leading up to pretty much any disability can actually be traced back for generations.

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inky-duchess · 1 year

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Writing About Drugs

Writing about drugs and addiction can be challenging. Like it or not, drugs are a part of society. I strongly urge all writers to do their own research into this topic and handle it with the upmost respect and care.

Your Character's Journey Into, During and After Drugs

If your character happens to use drugs or is a recovering addict, it does not make them bad people or mean that they had must have a bad upbringing. People do drugs for all sorts of reasons and it isn't an indicator of moral virtue or lack of it.

Most people start using drugs voluntary to try them out. Some people start using drugs as a way to influence their mood or 'help' another problem. Experimentation doesnt always lead to addiction. People can use drugs without becoming dependent. Your character may be feeling lost at this time or bored or disenchanted with their situation or suffering.

If a character begins drugs regularly, they may deny they have a problem. Most drug users hide their habits from others which an lead to some risky behavior. They may start forming relationships with other users to hide their use or sustain it.

Characters who begin to fall into regular use of drugs may start to compartmentalise their use. They will become more adept at hiding their use, sometimes even scheduling their highs.

A character will start to act differently while using drugs, even look different. Some drugs cause weightless due to nausea and lack of appetite. Their behaviours will usually be blamed on something else or waved away. A character may become irritatable and defensive when asked questions.

Addiction is usually around the time a character loses control over their use. They may begin to engage in longer binges, high doeses and lose control of their life outside of drugs. Relationships may break down, jobs may be put in peril and the character may begin to take more risks.

Addiction is an illness and left untreated it can kill your character. However, they may shun help out of shame or fear of judgement, or may be too anxious to try help themselves. Your character will have to come to terms with their addiction and its effects on their life. Only when they've accepted it can they move on.

Withdrawal can be harsh on your character depending on what drug they use and how long they've been using. The side effects of withdrawal can cause a character to fear getting clean. It can be a long exhaustive and often painful process.

Characters who get clean can fall back into using drugs. Sometimes this can be triggered by stress. Falling back into drugs can pose issues such as lead to a higher risk of overdosing. Getting clean is a long process and they will need a lot of support.

Kinds of Drugs

Dissociative drugs: Dissociative drugs alter perception leaving the participant feeling a disconnection with the world around them. Examples: Ketamine and nitrous oxide

Depressants: Or sedatives calm the participant, slowing the breathing and reaction of the participants. Examples, GHB and benzodiazepines

Stimulants: Stimulants are the opposites of sedatives, perking up and hypering the participant. Examples: Cocaine and amphetamines

Psychedlics: Are an 'Hallucinogenic' drug. They cause changes in perception, thought, emotion and consciousness, altering your mind. Example: LSD, Mushrooms

Opioids: Are made of extracts of poppy or opium. They decrease pain and sensation in the participant. Example: heroin, morphine, codeine, heroin and methadone. They are classed as narcotic analgesics - meaning they decrease pain reaction and sensation.

Common Drugs and their Side Effects

Cocaine: Cocaine a short acting but powerul drug upper drug. Cocaine comes in powder form, most commonly snorted it can also be injected (after being liquified) or smoked, known as crack. Cocaine is fast acting but the effects usually last only 30mins. One becomes more alert, your heart rate and pulse races, your pupils dilate, you may be hyperactive, you will sweat and your mouth may feel dry. Cocaine in long term uses often causes mood swings, digestive problems, heart issues. It may even cause a person to become violent and sexually aroused. Overdoses can bring on heart attacks, strokes or epileptic fit. Cocaine is an expensive drug, due to its high value and the short life span of the high. Cocaine comes from the coca plant and is often cut would other 'fillers' even things such as baking soda which means every dealer may have a different combinations. Cocaine is extremely addictive and hard to withdraw from. Cocaine comes by many names: coke, blow, snow, tokoyo, crack.

Ecstasy: Comes in pill form but can be crushed to be snorted. Ecstasy takes longer to work than other drugs (20-70 minutes). The high can last from anywhere to 2-6 hours. Esctasy brings on a euphoric high that can make sensations and emotions more intense. Heart rate, temperature and blood pressure go up, causing nausea and in some cases hallucinations. People may sweat, experience dry mouth, heightened sense of anxiety, difficulty passing urine and experience a bout of depression known as a comedown. Ecstasy is also known as E, XTC, pills, yokes, MDMA, MD.

Methamphetamine: Another upper. It effects the central nervous system. Meth comes in many forms, rocks, pills and crystals. Meth is dissolvable in water or alcohol. It is odourless and tastes bitter. Meth can be smoked, snorted, injected or swallowed. The effects last between 4 to 12 hours. Meth gives the user a feeling of adrenaline, causing euphoria, arousal. Meth also causes compulsive behaviour, a lack of appetite, rapid breathing, nausea, panic attacks, paranoia, hallucinations and psychosis. Meth rots teeth causing long time users a spate of dental issues. Meth is also known as crystal meth, yaba, chalk, glass, tina, chriostal, ice, crank, zip and christy.

Speed: Speed is a stimulant that comes as powder or tablet. Like other drugs it can be snorted, swallowed or injected. Speed comes as a pinkish or off-white powder. Speed can be rubbed onto gums and mixed into drinks. The affects start within 20 minutes, lasting up to 4-6 hours. Speed brings on energy, widened pupils, increased breathing, heart rate and blood pressure. It also brings on diarrhoea, teeth grinding, increased bladder use, sweating, headaches, and jaw clenching. Speed can make somebody more active, talkative but they can also become more aggressive, more irritable, depressed and suffer bouts of psychosis. A user can build up a tolerance meaning they have to use a higher dose to feel the same effects. Speed is also known as phet, billy, whiz, sulph, base.

Ketamine: Ketamine is actually an anaesthetic used in medicine. Ketamine is a dissociative and psychedelic drug. People feel detached when using it, relaxed and euphoric. Ketamine comes in white powder, pills and if taken from a medical source, liquid. Ketamine can be snorted, swallowed (wrapped in cigarette paper), mixed into drinks and injected. Some users have hallucinations. A user may suffer stomach cramps, vomit and issues with coordination. Ketamine is also known as K, Ket, Special K, Horse Tranquiliser, Vitamin K.

Cannabis: Cannabis comes from the cannabis plant. Depending on how the plant is grown, it can have different levels of potency. Cannabis comes in many forms. Cannabis resin/hash (is a black or brown lump formed from the resin of the cannabis plant. It is comes in blocks.) Herbal cannabis/grass / weed (made from the dried leaves and flowering parts of the female parts of the plant. It is often smoked). Cannabis oils (is oil extracted from the plant, sold in droppers, syringes or capsules). ‘Shatter’ (cannabis extracted using a solvent. This produces a glass-like substance which is smoked in a pipe), Edibles (food products infused with cannabis such as baked goods or sweets). Cannabis is commonly smoked, the ground dried leaves rolled with cigarette papers in a joint. Effects start instantaneously when it is inhaled. Ingesting cannabis leads to a delay in effects. Cannabis gives the user a sense of calm and relaxation, giddiness, bloodshot eyes, dry mouth, increased appetite, paranoia, mood swings, mild hallucinations, troubles with coordination and memory and in some cases psychosis. However, cannabis also has medical purposes such as helping with anxiety, act as pain relief and help with nausea. Cannabis is legal in some countries. Cannabis has many nicknames: weed, hash, hashish, weed, pot, ganja, grass, bush, herb, puff, spliff

Magic Mushrooms: Magic mushrooms are certain breeds of mushroom that when ingested cause a high. Mushrooms are usually sold dried and raw or in liquid fom or capsules. Mushrooms can be eaten or stewed in tea. Effects vary from types of mushroom or personal factors, usually beginning an hour after ingestion. Mushrooms distort sensations, giving the set feelings of giddiness, euphoria, energy, joy. It can also cause the user to lose track on time. Mushrooms can cause stomach discomfort, nausea, sweating followed by chills. Also known as mushies, shrooms. liberties, liberty caps, magics, golden teachers, truffles, fly agaric,

LSD: LSD is a hallucinogenic drug, coming from a fungus known as ergot which grows on grasses such as rye. LSD usually comes as a piece of paper to be ingested or sucked. Effects begin about a half hour and can last up to 20 hours. LSD causes distortion of senses, hallucinations , paranoia, thoughts of suicide, effects on judgement, delusion. It is known as acid, L, lightening flash, blotter, dots, flash, hawk, cheer, liquid acid, lucy, micro dot, trips, tabs.

Codeine: Codeine is a painkiller widely available through doctors and over the counter in tablets, liquid or capsules. It is an opiate. Short term effects are relaxation, effected temperature, confusion, dry mouth, pinpoint pupils, itchiness and issues breathing. Longer term effects can cause breathing problems, constipation, low sex drive, irregular periods and liver issues.

Methadone: Not to be confused with Methamphetamine. Methadone comes as a blue/green liquid. Methadone is often prescribed by doctors to help heroin users manage their cravings. Methadone causes slower breathing, pain relief, drowsiness, dry mouth, lower blood pressure, constipation, pinpoint pupils, sweating, itching, pain in the joints, dental issues. Like some drugs, a user can build up a tolerance which can encourage them to use higher doses. Alcohol is extremely dangerous when mixed with methadone. Known juice and phy.

Heroin: Heroin is an opiate. It acts a sedative. Heroin comes as a powder, usually brown or white. Heroin can be injected, snorted or smoked. Effects start quickly usually lasting for hours. Heroin can give the user a sense of security, pinpoint pupils, dramatic mood swings, relief to pain, nausea, lack of appetite, lower sex drive, constipation, drowsiness and effects breathing. Like some other drugs, you build a tolerance, so users take more and more to reach the high, which often leads to overdose especially if the user has been clean for a while. Heroin is dangerous when other factors such as alcohol is involved. Heroin also wreaks the cough reflex which can cause a person to choke. Heroin is known as H, smack, gear, skag, junk, brown, china white, dragon.

#Tw drugs #Tw suicide #Tw withdrawl #tw drug use #tw overdose #writing reference #writing resources writing advice #writing resources #writing reference writing advice #writing advice writing reference #writing advice writing resources #Writing about drugs #Writing about addiction #writeblr #writing advice #writers on tumblr

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crazychanuwu77 · 6 months

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“Pibby, Bluey, Ohio, Blah Blah Blah, I forgot the words”

#fanart #crazychanuwu art #human resources netflix #human resources #big mouth #big mouth netflix #netflix #dante #rochelle hillhurst #dante the addiction angel #learning with pibby #pibby apocalypse #pibby fanart #pibby #pibby adult swim #adult swim

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starlitangels · 1 year

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Withdrawals

I had some thoughts. I had to write them down 2.7k words

CW: discussion and dealing with drug-like withdrawals, discussion of addiction

—

Squinting against how bright the simple lamp now was in the darkness—Vincent said I’d get used to it—I tiptoed down the stairs.

Vincent was sitting in the living room, in the armchair we never really used considering we couldn’t cuddle very well on it. He was curled up—those long, slim, but toned limbs all folded in toward the center—with his eyes closed. There was a peaceful expression on his face, but I knew him. It was the forced peace of “I’m trying to meditate but don’t actually know what I’m doing.”

“Vin?” I asked quietly.

He inhaled deeply and opened his eyes. “Hey baby,” he said, voice soft. “I thought you were gonna sleep for another couple hours.”

I shrugged. “The bed got really cold without you.” I went over to him and perched on the arm of the chair. Vincent immediately wrapped his arm around my waist and tugged me down until I fell onto his lap. “What are you doing?”

“What did it look like I was doing?”

“Attempting to meditate or something.”

He smiled, his teeth sparkly in the lamplight. Then his expression fell. “I wish it was that easy,” he mumbled.

“What is it?”

He shook his head. “It’s nothing, lovely. You just barely turned a week ago. This isn’t one more thing you need to be burdened with.”

I cupped his chin in my hand. “Vincent Solaire,” I warned, keeping my voice down. “What’s wrong?”

He smiled bitterly. “You always see right through me,” he whispered.

“Baby, talk to me. Tell me what’s going on? Just because I’m going through a rough time with turning doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to struggle too. Talk to me. Please? You’re worrying me.”

He took a deep breath and released a shuddering sigh, his breath cool against my skin. “I, uh…” He closed his eyes. The tips of his ears were bright red. “I think I’m experiencing withdrawals.”

“From… from what?”

He closed his eyes and turned his face away from me. “Your blood.”

“Oh Vin…” I breathed.

“I didn’t think I was actually addicted to it but…” He growled in frustration. “I guess I was wrong.”

“Are you sure?”

He swallowed, Adam’s Apple bobbing, and nodded. “I’ve been nauseated and my muscles and fangs ache—and I woke up shaking. Just enough to be noticeable. Didn’t want to wake you so I came down here.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “And that was after barely getting any sleep to begin with this past week. I haven’t had insomnia this bad since I was human. We only need a fraction of the sleep that we used to but I haven’t been getting even that bare minimum.”

I shuffled so I could put my arms around him and draw his head to my chest. He thumped his forehead against my collarbones without hesitation. “Tell me how to help you, baby,” I whispered.

He shook his head. “You can’t. Lovely, you just turned. You need to be focusing on your own adjusting.”

“Vincent,” I warned, scratching my fingernails across his scalp and winding his curls around my fingers. “That’s not how this works. We help each other, remember? Spending eternity by each other’s sides means we support and help. Just because you’re trying to be a good Maker and help me through this change doesn’t mean you’re having an easy time of it. This is just proof of it.”

“Baby, I’ll handle this myself,” Vincent said softly.

“No, you won’t.” I suppressed a growl. “Withdrawals are a serious thing. It’s not something you can handle on your own. You need your support system. I don’t care that I just turned and I’m not having the easiest time of it. I’m going to help you and you’re going to let me.”

He took a deep breath. “Okay.”

“Come on. Let’s get you back in bed.” I reached over and turned the lamp off before climbing off Vincent’s lap and pulling him to his feet by both hands. He unfolded from the chair reluctantly but let me take him back upstairs to bed.

I tucked him into bed before climbing in on my side and gathering him to my chest. Carefully, I played with his—enviously soft—hair until I felt his breathing finally ease out and heard his heartbeat slow down dramatically. Finally falling back to sleep. “It’s gonna be okay, baby. I promise. We’ll get through it together. All of it. Like we always have,” I whispered. I kissed the top of his head.

Automatically, and without waking up, he made a kissy noise.

—

Ring-ring... Ring-ring... Ring-ri—

“Hello, my dear. To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?” William’s voice asked.

I sucked in a deep breath. “Does the Department have any resources for vampires with blood addictions?”

“Blood addictions? What do you mean?”

“Remember what Vincent told you about my blood? That it is—was—addictive because of how much magic was concentrated in it? That when he fed from me, it felt like a need. Like his body needed it?”

“I recall, yes.”

“Does the Department have resources for addictions like that?”

William was silent on the other end of the call for several long seconds.

I swallowed. Had the call disconnected? I glanced at the screen. The time elapsed on the call was still ticking upwards.

“Is he going through withdrawals?” William’s voice was so quiet that without vampire hearing I would never have heard it, but it was directed at me.

“Yes,” I replied, almost as quietly.

I heard William sigh. “In all my centuries, I never saw a latent affect vampires the way you did to him. I’m afraid my knowledge is quite limited in this matter. I’m so sorry, my dear.”

“That’s okay. The Department website’s just a nightmare to navigate so I figured I’d call and ask.”

“I wish I could be of more help. If there is anything else I can do, please do not hesitate to reach out.”

“Thanks William.”

“Will is fine. You are family now.”

I couldn’t help but grin—even if it was a little melancholy. “Thanks Will.”

“Of course.”

“Bye.”

“Goodbye.”

We hung up.

I sighed in mild frustration and set my phone down before I could crush it. The screen was already severely cracked from the Inversion and Vincent hadn’t had a chance to go get it replaced yet. And I didn’t want to end up needing an entirely new phone. Although I knew Vincent would love spoiling me if I did.

Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I paced the living room. Vincent was out for the night, checking in on some of William’s properties. Sam had offered to do it for him, considering how many times Vincent had stepped in to watch Sam’s progenies when they were newly-turned whenever he needed a break or to watch the park or had to go heal someone or—

Wait a second.

I snatched my phone up and unlocked it again, scrolling through my contacts quickly until I found who I was looking for and clicking Call.

Ring-ring... Ring-ring... Ri—

“Hello?”

“Hi Sam. It’s me.”

“What’s up? Everythin’ alright?”

I sucked in a deep breath. “You used to work as a healer, right?”

“Yep.” He said the word slowly, sounding suspicious. “Why?”

“Have you ever heard of a vampire having a blood addiction?”

There was a long silence. “Kid, you know we drink blood to survive, right? It’s not an addiction.”

I growled. “That’s not what I meant. I mean...” I sucked in a sharp breath. “Like an addiction to the magic in an empowered person’s blood. So much so that they experience withdrawals.”

Another long silence. “Why? What’s goin’ on?”

“It’s not my place to say.”

“What’s goin’ on with Vincent?” Sam rumbled.

“What makes you think anything’s going on with Vincent?”

“Because you’re his partner and you don’t sound worried for yourself. If you were, then it would be your place to say. Now what’s goin’ on?”

“It’s not my place.”

Sam swore under his breath several times. “So help me, kid. Vincent is a brother to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

I huffed a sigh out through clenched teeth. “He drained me, remember? You were there. Remember that I was latent? Remember that my blood was potent? Full of magic that my Core was drawing in but unable to vent into an aura for years—remember that? I don’t need to go into the details about our more intimate encounters, but he fed on me plenty enough times even before I turned. He woke up shaking yesterday. And today. William doesn’t know of any resources to help him. I was hoping you might have because you worked as a healer.”

Sam swore again—but he didn’t sound angry at me this time. He sounded... scared? Maybe not quite. Worried? “If he fed on you often enough but not too often he wouldn’t even realize he was developin’ a dependency and gettin’ a fix... dammit,” he whispered. “Drainin’ you to turn you... he was exhausted from givin’ you his own blood... but if he hadn’t... he’d-a been buzzed outta his mind.” He sighed. “I’ve never heard of a blood addiction. Vampires don’t make their way into healin’ clinics often. Their own healin’ factor usually meant they didn’t need to. Let me ask some old friends-a mine. See if I can dredge up anythin’.”

“Thank you, Sam.”

“Sure. I’ll let you know when I find anythin’.” He hung up.

I took a deep breath and set my phone back down. “It’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna figure something out,” I promised myself.

—

I woke with a small jolt at the same time that Vincent did. Peering over my shoulder, I watched as he sat up in bed and curled up himself. I rolled over to face him properly and pushed myself up to sit next to him. His breathing was shaky and he was trembling.

“Hey,” I greeted softly, wrapping my arms around him. His sucked in a sharp breath through clenched teeth. “Do we wanna reach out to the Department offices to see if there’s someone you can talk to?”

“Wh-what?”

“Counseling helps withdrawals. Sam and I have been looking into resources to help you. For drugs, detoxing helps too but I doubt that’s really gonna work here.”

“I think I just have to ride it out.”

“You don’t actually think I’m going to accept that option, do you? Cold turkey? Which is probably the hardest way to go through it, even with support? What kind of partner do you think I am?”

“Lovely...” He lifted his head from where it had been resting on his knees and looked at me, his silver eyes glittering in the darkness. “Wait. Did you say Sam?”

“He used to be a healer. I asked if he knew of any resources for vampires dealing with magic-in-the-blood addiction withdrawals and he kinda put it together.”

“Of course he did.”

“Vincent, we want to help you. We love you. And, frankly, you need the support right now. You can’t just ride this out on your own. We won’t let you. Me, Sam, William—we’d all be damned if we didn’t at least try.”

“Oh God,” Vincent groaned. “Does Will know too?”

“I asked him if he knew whether the Department has resources too. The website is a nightmare.”

Vincent closed his eyes and sighed. “I appreciate that you’re trying so hard. But you need to be focusing on your own struggles—and your training to adjust to your new body and abilities.”

I clenched my jaw. “Dammit, Vin!” I snapped. “Don’t you understand that being in a relationship means that, yeah, my problems are also yours—but your problems are mine too? I know you’ve been doing everything since—since Adam—to take care of me and help me through things. But we’re both dealing with this for you. We’re not experiencing it the same way. But it’s affecting you so it’s affecting me. I love you and I’m going to help you. I don’t want to know what might happen to you if you don’t learn to manage this. Or... or find a way to move past this.”

“Baby... I know. But what you’re going through is a lot worse—”

“Don’t even finish that sentence, Solaire,” I warned. “There is no scaling to struggling here. The Inversion sucked. The turning has been hard. The bloodlust kinda sucks too. But that doesn’t diminish what you are going through, do you understand me?”

Vincent looked surprised at the tone in my voice, eyebrows lifting and mouth parting.

Instead of saying something, he surged over the bed and threw his arms around me, burying his face in my chest. I held onto him tight, scratching the back of his scalp with my nails and rocking him.

He was still shaking, but this time it was from the quiet crying. Or, if it was still from the withdrawals, the crying added to it.

“Thank you, baby,” he whispered.

I kissed the top of his head. His glossy black curls were so soft. “That’s what we do for each other, Vincent. You’ve taken care of me for so long now. And you’re gonna have to keep doing it through this bloodlust. The least I can do is find ways to help you through your own struggle.”

“It’s really not the least. It’s a lot.”

“Not for me. Not if it’s you.” I twirled one of his curls around my finger and closed my eyes, inhaling the scent of him. It was so much more prominent and distinct now that I was a vampire.

He let out a shuddering sigh. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Vincent. So much.”

We stayed like that on our bed until the sun went down—and my phone started ringing. I let him go just barely long enough to twist and snatch it off the bedside table before holding onto him.

“Hey Sam, what’s up?” I asked.

“My partner knew about some resources the Department has that might help. Should I send the links to you, Vincent, or both?”

“Both.”

“Alright. Gimme a sec.” There was a pause. Then a chuckle. “Yes, darlin’, I know how to send links via text while still on a call. I’m not actually a fossil,” he said to someone the microphone on his phone hadn’t picked up.

Vincent smiled against my chest and snickered.

Sam’s voice got closer to his microphone. “A’right. I sent those over. Should show up any second,” he continued.

At that moment, my phone buzzed in my hand, and Vincent’s went off—full sound—on his bedside. He reached out and grabbed it while I put Sam on speaker and looked at the text that came through.

A series of links to the Department’s website, and several others.

“Thank you, Sam,” I said. “Thank you so much.”

“Thank my partner,” Sam said. “They’re the one that knew.”

“Thank you, Sam’s partner,” I replied louder into my phone so they could hear it.

“No problem,” a voice farther from the mic remarked. “I hope it helps. Vincent means a lot to Sam.”

Vincent’s arms tightened around me. He was smiling softly. Almost melancholy.

“We appreciate it. Thank you both.”

“Uh-huh. You have a good night, now,” Sam said.

“You too.”

“Bye.” He hung up.

I set my phone down and ran my fingers through Vincent’s curls. “Hey. We’re gonna get you help. We’re gonna get through this—all of this—together. Like we always do. Okay?”

He lifted his head from my chest to smile at me. “Together,” he promised.

I leaned down and gave him a kiss. He accepted and reciprocated enthusiastically.

When I pulled away, head spinning a little, I clicked on the first link Sam had sent us. The one for the Department’s website. There was a number for vampires to call after the usual closing times that would put them in touch with vampire Department employees.

My thumb hovered over the hyperlink of the number. If I tapped it, it would ask if I wanted to call the number.

I smiled down at Vincent. “Ready?”

He nodded. “Please.”

I twisted one of his curls around my finger and thumb of my free hand. “Let’s get you some help,” I whispered.

I tapped the link.

—

Tag list: @thegoldenlittlerose @zozo-01 @gingerbreadmonsters (you seemed very interested on the WIP Wednesday so I hope you don’t mind)

#Redacted ASMR #fic #Redacted Vincent #Redacted Lovely #Redacted Audio #Vincent Solaire #Lovely #Starlit Fic #Rrraaaeee! Floof! I'm writing for y'all's mmmaaannn!#i have a family member who is a drug addiction therapist #special shoutout to them for why I know some of this stuff #darlin' knew about resources because i like to think they tried to help Quinn before everything went to hell #featuring #Sam #Darlin'#(briefly)

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