#all cognitive complex thought ceases | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thatonebirdwrites · 7 days

Text

I'm not entirely sure why people will treat a statement I make as an opportunity to give me suggestions on how to alter things that I do.

It is the most aggravating thing I've encountered on social media.

I can witness an interesting discussion, and then I share my thoughts that relate to the discussion, but rather than engage my words and argument -- it becomes an opportunity for them to suggest things I can do better or offer solutions that they didn't do for the other people in the conversation.

I'm not sharing a thought or insight in order to get advice. I'm sharing a thought or insight because it was pertinent to the conversation, and I thought it added value.

It's even worse if it happens in person, where the person treats me like my thought or insight is utterly useless and thus I need to be "schooled." Except they often end up repeating what I just said.

I understand as a disabled person it is perhaps shocking to abled-bodied people that I am capable of intelligent thought. It would behoove folks to remember this, and perhaps consider points made by myself and those like me with the same respect and thoughtfulness they afforded others in the conversation.

If I want advice, I will directly state that.

If I am sharing thoughts and insight that seem pertinent to the conversation at hand? Then that is what I am doing. It is not an opportunity to talk down to me or offer advice on how to handle something.

I also know it's not just me either as this is a common discussion within the disability community of how we are treated when we speak up about, well, anything.

For example, I discuss cultural changes and societal systems a lot. I find it frustrating that people will jump to: "I have solutions that will solve your issue so you can better assimilate" or something akin to that, instead of engaging my original point about x or y topic. (For example, a change in culture and how people act in that society may result from people adapting or altering their behaviors based on: peer pressure, external factors within the society at large, capitalist exploitation, oppressive factors within society, unconscious biases, impact of media, etc...)

And just as culture and societal systems can change over time, we can change it ourselves in how we interact with one another and in what we create. None of these are a set, permanent thing. It is possible to push back against harmful changes in culture and various societal systems.

Sharing insights like that shouldn't be radical, but I guess it is.

Plus sharing such insights should not result in strange and unasked for advice giving or solution-oriented mentality (unless the solutions are related to the topic and are not just for me or other disabled or marginalized people to do x or y to "solve" what we shared in our insight).

It makes me wonder if when I discuss societal systems and/or other complex topics -- are people overwhelmed? Have I failed a neurotypical hidden-rule-check and thus get treated differently based on that? Do people not understand the points? Are they falling back on biases in order to cease a topic that makes them uncomfortable? Is there some sort of cognitive dissonance happening? What is the disconnect happening and where? Should I ask or point out the disconnect? These questions often run through my head when I encounter this.

It's why I so rarely join conversations, because my insights are rarely treated with the same respect as others who have already spoken. Sometimes it feels like I get a pat on the head (there has been in-person discussions where someone literally did this to me) for daring to speak up rather than treating my point as adding value to the discussion.

Often I notice the conversation ceases after I or another marginalized person speaks up. As if we killed the discussion by daring to share insights at all. It's happened so often that I am skittish about sharing anything.

It's also why I often revert to writing out essays and sharing that, but it's rare for people to engage the essays though.

Yes, sometimes I struggle with conversation that happens in real-time due to my disabilities, but that doesn't mean my contributions are useless or require the other listeners to revert to advice-giving rather than engagement.

I also struggle to contribute due to that fear I won't be treated with same respect afforded others in the conversation or that I'll fail to articulate a point well and accidentally cause a misunderstanding or I'll misremember a detail and get blasted alive based on that technicality. It's why I like Internet conversations that don't happen in real time, but are posts and comments that take place over hours or days. It gives me time to consider my reply and how to word it, and if I need to pull out a link for the research bit.

But even if I approach conversations in that manner, it doesn't seem to matter. The advice giving or need to find "solutions" for insights that aren't asking for that will often happen regardless.

I wonder how aware people are of whether they do this or not.

P.S. if a person reading this feels the need to revert to advice-giving and solutions in response to this, I would like to kindly inform you that this is exactly the bias I discussed. Nothing in this post is about me asking for advice about this topic. I am simply relaying my insights of an phenomenon I have noticed over the course of my and my disabled friends' lives. The questions asked in this piece are only to invoke thought and are rhetorical.

P.P.S. Feel free to share your experiences with this phenomenon however! Sharing your experiences is always worthwhile and will add value to the discussion. (As long as sharing does not explicitly target someone to invoke harm.)

P.P.P.S. I probably overexplained as I tend to do.

P.P.P.P.S. Using post scripts on a blog post amuses me, okay?

#just my thoughts #conversation #This happens way too frequently and it's upsetting #I feel sometimes I'm missing some sort of neurotypical conversation rule and thus I get treated differently because I broke some unseen rul #disability #neurodivergence #disabled people are capable of intelligent thought and ought to be respected as any other person #Don't offer solutions or advice if the other person did not ask for it #Far too many disabled folks also share how they get these types of reactions to their contributions #so it's not just me I know

8 notes · View notes

thefragmentsineed · 3 months

Text

ok, first post.

lately, i've been going through a metamorphosis.

not in a beautiful coming of age. it's like a slow wrapping of layer upon layer as i hang upside down from a branch. i'm not a beautiful butterfly. haven't got there yet. don't know if i'll ever. i sleep, sleep, and wait with my own thoughts to entertain me, there is little change. but there is change, and that's my metamorphosis. i'm turning into an insect, like gregor. or, maybe, i've always been an insect and i've finally come to terms with it. there is a shift regardless.

this hibernation is weird. not in the sense that it's concerning, it's the state of limbo that shocks me. feeling so disconnected yet so self-aware bothers me. i want it on way or another. i don't like this state of equilibrium.

i've been changing and it's scaring me.

this feeling is so complex that i write down multiple drafts to try to find a way to describe it. i either can't vocalize this feeling or this feeling doesn't want to make itself known, to be unveiled. i sound so cryptic and vague. to that, i apologize. you must bear with me.

allow me to try. allow my feelings to exist as text on a screen in this place of the internet.

sometimes, i wish i could get a lobotomy, like how one could get lip filler or a boob job done. i crave such bliss ignorance gives to those cognitively capable. that's wrong for me to say, i'm sorry. i just want to confess: at times, i wish i couldn't think. i don't want these lingering thoughts. i want to take everything at a surface level, but i can't. i don't want to think about why something happens, or how it happens, or why it even exists, why it's needed, why i need it, do i really need it, how i feel this way, why i feel this way, how, why, how, why, what are are these feelings, how, why, what, why, how, why, what, why, how. i need it all to stop. i can't take it anymore. one more prying thought and i'll rip at the seams.

you can't stop unwanted thoughts from infecting the inner corners of your psyche by simply telling them to cease. that's not how it works. if you're told to stop thinking about polar bears, you might not have any interest in polar bears but your mind would automatically conjure a picture of a fluffy, murderous teddy bear floating on a piece of ice. the more you restrict yourself, the more you want to do it, until the desire becomes too much.

do you know the fungus, cordyceps? it's a well known mushroom which has amazing medicinal properties, but that's not why i bring it up. people know cordyceps because of its ability to infect its host, turning them into a zombie and a gardenbed for even more cordycep spore. i'm not knowledable about the entire process, but i sometimes feel like an ant infected by cordyceps. i think about how confused that ant is, being jerked around by itself and the aching pains of being consumed from the inside out. from what i know, the fungus infects and alters the mind of its host and directs them to the perfect environment. when they reach their final destination, the insect dies and that's when the fungus starts to take over completely. With the right humidity and sunlight, sprouts of mushroom rise from the lifeless corpse, new life is created from the destruction. there's a force in my mind, urging me to leave the comfort of my home, to seek a place suitable for it to take over, swallowing me whole. i don't think i'll end up dead by the end of it, no. i'll be something else. i can only theorize, haha.

writing all this down and reading it from top to bottom, it scares me. i never write like this. i was never known to write like this. is this who i am now? i still recognize the face in the mirror who stares back at me and smiles. she puts on lipstick, spritzes on her perfume, smiles at you from across the room, and waves. "i love your outfit, it's so cute!" she genuinely means it but there's another thing on her mind.

day by day, it's growing inside me and it's making itself known.

#ramblings

4 notes · View notes

feastfic · 2 years

Text

No More Innocence headcanon??? Personal lore??? I've been thinking about him a LOT lately and I'm putting basically my thoughts and ideas for him all in one spot :)

And there's a LOTTTT of stuff so get ready.

• Like Majin, NMI was sort of created/spawned. Whereas Majin retains about 10% of Creep's total power, NMI received only 3%. This wasn't one of the many flaws that transpired in his creation; Creep didn't input as much of his strength because 1) this was his first time ever manifesting a "child" and 2) he was mistaken in thinking that so little power would be without error in the body he created.

• Compared to the average person, NMI is still terrifyingly strong of course, but when it comes to other exes...he's actually remarkably weak. It's because he's really stunted.

• And by stunted I mean he was created in such a rush that he nearly died on several occasions in his "infancy". Which thankfully wasn't a phase he wasn't in for long (at least compared to how old Creep is. For him a few years is essentially equal to a full human year. Immortal eldritch hod mumbo jumbo /lh.)

• Even if it wasn't a long phase for them, it was still riddled with a lot of problems. The time crunch that Creep was on in creating NMI lead him to cutting corners he shouldn't have. He was yet to adjust his ways and was still fighting in his "game" with Exetior; originally NMI was going to be someone Creep raised to be an extra force. That never ended up being the case. In fact he was their wakeup call to stop playing their deathgame, their turnaround.

• What ended up happening was, first and foremost, there was a major flaw in NMI's mask, (which was already deformed into looking more like a skull than a mask) — so much so that it basically had a soft spot for a good chunk of his early years. It was way too easy for it to break and well. Eldritch void + unstable baby = someone's getting hurt and you won't like who it is. NMI also has something like anencephaly (where instead of missing both the forebrain and cerebrum, he's instead just missing a good chunk of the frontal cortex.) He has no impulse nor emotional control, can't make complex actions (anything that requires multiple steps, basically) and he's subject to convulsions in parts of his body and muscle spasms. The last of these improved slightly as he aged, but not by a considerable degree.

• Having an eldritch father fucking up means...unspeakable illness. NMI had what was basically an immortal's equivalent of cancer right from the get-go, which severely inhibited his growth. He's in recession later in his life though; it hasn't affected him too much after he leaves Creep.

• Unlike both Majin and Creep, NMI breathes! And he breathes terribly (oh no)! This was another thing that got better with time, but this was something that was one of the first pushes to make Creep cease being a god of chaos. So on one hand I guess good on him for pushing Creep in a better direction??? On the other hand though it did almost cost NMI his life on several occasions.

• Cue Majin's spawning, around this time NMI was just beginning to find his footing, and Creep had retired from his death game alongside Exetior completely by this point. NMI didn't have any ill feelings towards his younger brother initially, but he became slowly and unintentionally pushed into the "older sibling is set off to the side" role. He was flawed, Majin was not (or far less so compared to him.) However he was around for so little time that Majin doesn't remember him much at all in the coming years, and only really hears about him through word-of-mouth by Creep.

• His cognitive dissonance made him genuinely see Majin as a kind of "mini-Creep" (which he technically is, but NMI is as well in that regard.) He resents his father because he was made so poorly; there was so little time for his creation that he ended up having so many consequences for it. Sure, yeah; of course eventually Creep apologizes once he reforms himself. Does NMI forgive him? Maybe he would've if Majin hadn't been created. But alas, you can only really stand being around someone who's basically supposed to be the "better" you for so long before you begin hating them too. Especially if they remind you of your father. Plus if they're the "favorite child" (even if that is just a perception)?

• Sort of luckily, he was eventually given a push out into the world by Creep. He was old enough by then, and he'd recovered enough to be safe. That was the last time he ever had contact with his father.

• He has a pocket dimension similar to Majin's, but far, far smaller. There's no color either; just black and white, petrified trees. There's a miasma that's always in the air, and he has very little control over this realm, unlike his brother. The rest of the surroundings are extremely similar to the Upside Down (from Stranger Things), where things are just ashy and grimy and desolate. And very, very cold all the time. Unlike his brother, NMI typically stays within the confines of his world, and he only manifests in the outside world in televisions to hunt down whomever he deems easiest to target. Namely children.

• His hands and feet are both pitch black, alongside his quills from when he was first created. As he got older he received more of a gradient going up his arms and legs, that reached his elbows/knees. It also developed into his limbs looking somewhat like birch bark — meanwhile his quills got more white with age as well. Thankfully his mask hardened too. And as he got older his back fur darkened as well, while he got dark mottling on his chest and thighs.

#I'm normal. I literally and totally haven't been roiling about this guy (lying)#no more innocence #NMI #sonic.exe #sonic.exe nightmare beginning #majin sonic #creep sonic #Exetior #they make their cameos enough times they count /lh #long post

17 notes · View notes

jozigist · 1 year

Text

THE NEGATIVE IMPACT OF STRESS ON ONE'S SEX DRIVE | AFFINITY HEALTH

THE NEGATIVE IMPACT OF STRESS ON ONE'S SEX DRIVE | AFFINITY HEALTH Stress is a normal part of life. Still, according to Affinity Health, a leading provider of high-quality healthcare, when it becomes chronic, it can negatively influence one's sex drive.

What Is Stress? Stress is your body's reaction to any type of demand or threat. When you perceive danger, whether real or imagined, your body's defences go into overdrive in a quick, intuitive process known as the "fight-or-flight" reaction or the "stress response". The stress response is your body's attempt to protect you. When working correctly, it assists you in remaining focused, energetic, and attentive. In an emergency, stress can save your life by giving you greater power to fight yourself or by making you slam on the brakes to escape a car accident. Stress can have additional benefits, sometimes referred to as "eustress". It can, for example, help you rise to face obstacles, such as staying alert during a job presentation, sharpening your attention when attempting a game-winning free throw, or motivating you to study for an exam when you'd instead be watching TV. While not all stress is harmful, beyond a certain point, it ceases to be beneficial and begins to cause significant harm. Overwhelming stress can negatively influence your health, mood, productivity, relationships, overall quality of life, and sex drive. What Exactly Is Low Libido? Before we get into the link between stress and decreased libido, let's define what low libido is and isn't. Men frequently mix up low libido with erectile dysfunction (ED). ED is the inability to obtain or maintain an erection. Libido is merely your sexual urge. While ED and low libido can coincide and are frequently connected, they are very different problems. Your overall physical health, including your genes and hormones like testosterone, partially fuels your libido. However, it is not entirely biological. Psychological elements such as stress and worry, and physical factors such as chronic disease, influence your interest in sex. The urge for sex typically declines as we age, but there's no reason it should go entirely, even in your 60s, 70s, and beyond. What Does Research Suggest? Studies have shown that high levels of stress can lead to decreased libido and sexual dysfunction in men and women. Research conducted in 2019 by BodyLogicMD, a medical practice network, revealed 51% of respondents experienced "dead bedrooms" due to work stress. "Dead bedrooms" refers to a sexless relationship that might continue anywhere from months to years. In the bedroom, a lack of communication between couples can raise tension, and many people get more worried if their self-esteem is low. The relationship between stress and sexual dysfunction is complex, but it is thought to be related to the hormonal changes that occur in the body during periods of stress. When stressed, our bodies release cortisol, a hormone that can disrupt the balance of other hormones in the body. This can lead to a decrease in testosterone levels, a crucial hormone involved in sexual desire and function in both men and women. Stress can also have a psychological impact on one's sex drive. When stressed, we tend to focus on the negative aspects of our lives, making it difficult to relax and enjoy sexual experiences. Stress can also lead to anxiety and depression, both associated with decreased libido. How To Manage Stress Fortunately, there are ways to manage stress and improve sexual function. Regular exercise, yoga, and meditation can help reduce stress levels and improve overall well-being. Stress management techniques such as cognitive-behavioural therapy and mindfulness-based stress reduction can also be helpful. Supplements and medications are also available to enhance your sex drive and help you maintain better functions when you're spending intimate time with your partner. "It's important to talk to your healthcare provider if you're experiencing sexual dysfunction," says Murray Hewlett, CEO of Affinity Health. "Your doctor may recommend sex therapists or mental health experts who specialise in treating diminished libido and sex drive due to stress." About Affinity Health Affinity Health is South Africa's leading provider of health insurance, offering you a range of options at affordable rates including access to the widest national provider network. We understand the importance of having medical insurance that meets your needs, your budget, and your lifestyle. Our range of healthcare products are designed to protect you and your family when it matters the most. We strive to always give our clients peace of mind and the highest standard of service at all times. For more information, follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Read the full article

0 notes

mggpleasedontlookhere · 4 years

Text

call out my name pt. 2

summary: spencer rushes off to fix things with y/n, but can they really be fixed?

word count: 2,371 reading time aprox: 9 mins

a/n: i just wanted to say thank you for all the support and praise i received on here, especially seeing all of my favorite authors comment and reblog my work is so heartening. thank you all so much for the support, you’re the reason why i have the encouragement to continue doing what i love <3

masterlist

part 1

The rain pattered against the window panes, interlocking with the light that shone through the sheer curtains of my apartment. A cold breeze slipped through the crack of the window, letting it venture through the dim room before it graced my skin. Although the sensation hadn’t registered in my mind as the plain beige wall in front of me consumed my attention.

The hypnotic sound of the rain provided a consistent rhythm that encouraged my introspection. In the entire duration of my break, I’ve let my thoughts filter and organize themselves. I’ve felt powerless against the accusations that my brain has thrown towards me, setting my emotions to the side in a state of suspense.

My knees were curled up against my chest, my unwashed hair scrunched up against my cheeks, and my sweater was littered with unknown stains and dried tears. Along with the descension of my reasonability, my hygiene followed shortly after.

I was brought out of my bubble by the buzz of my phone. I turned it off weeks ago from the constant notifications I got from the team, it was only when I received a text message from my mother that I decided to turn it back on for the day.

I reached over to the side table where my phone laid, feeling my muscles tense up and ache from the lack of movement I’ve done these past weeks. Turning it on, the intense light blinded me, leaving me disoriented. When my eyes finally adjusted to the sudden change of light, I wished that I had been blinded a little longer than I was.

The notification read ‘New Voicemail: JJ <3’

My breath got pushed back in my throat, a wave of discomfort flooding over my entire body as my thumb hesitated over the notification. My lips trembled, swallowing my saliva while a debate ensued between my impulsivity and my timidity. With a numb boost of confidence I hurriedly pressed on the notification, traveling through my phone to hear out her message.

“Hey Y/N” The message began. “I know that you heard...about what I said to Spence-” Her voice was low and full of penance, although any remorse that I tried to comprehend washed away at her use of Spencer’s nickname. “Gosh, I don’t even - I don’t even know how to begin to apologize for what I said - I - you don’t know how much Spence loves you and how much he talks about you” She sighed, her tone picking up as she praised Spencer. “But what I said was completely inappropriate and I’m so sorry for what I said. Telling Spence that I loved him was way out of line, considering that you’re such a dear friend to me, and especially since things are so complicated with me and Will - I just - I’m so sorry that I told him that I love-”

The rest of the message was left to the imagination as I forcefully threw my phone against the beige wall, denting it in the process. A flurry of newfound rage clouded my mind, providing a break from the contradicting thoughts that usually engulfed my head. For once, I had directed the emotion towards another individual rather than myself.

The phone fell with a heavy thud, glass debris flying across the floor, decorating the oak floors with fragments. I could care less about the material expense that I would have to pay; my blind resentment tainting my rationality.

My chest heaved in exasperation as a novel onslaught of tears pricked the corners of my eyes. Although the quantity of tears were sparse because they were wasted on my self reproach the previous week. I furiously wiped them away, detaching myself from the malicious feeling, a habit I came to develop.

I adapted to the stupefaction that infiltrated my heart, at times feeling grateful for the ability. The coldness that surrounded my small living room couldn’t compare to the icy innards of my chest.

Finally collecting my composure, I looked over to a mirror that sat between my bookshelves, taking in my disheveled and ragged appearance.

JJ wouldn’t look like this

My face contorted into a somber expression, letting my insecurities slip through the hard persona I persisted to instill in myself. I surveyed the filthy environment that surrounded me; the floor was painted with old dirt, the furniture had accumulated colonies of dust, and the roses that sat on the kitchen counters had wilted.

JJ would never let herself go like this

Who was I kidding? Who was I, Y/N Y/L/N, to compare to a Georgetown graduate, an astounding profiler, and an icon of beauty?

Well the one thing I had that she didn’t was Spencer

But did I really?

I was startled out of my grim assessment by a frantic knocking against my front door. I groaned internally, not hesitating to stay where I was situated. I couldn’t handle any human interaction at the moment, frankly I didn’t want any human interaction at all. I’ve learned to love the little cocoon I had built around me, finding serendipity in my self-isolation.

“Go away!” I attempted to shout, but all that came out was a hoarse whimper that sent a sharp pain to my esophagus. I flinched as the knocking became more frantic, the volume elevating along with the forceful jabs against the wood.

I felt my ears ring, using my hands to alleviate the pounding that attacked my eardrums. I was about to open my mouth to disclose another warning, but a familiar voice had interrupted me.

“Y/N! Y/N are you in there!” Spencer yelled, slamming his fists against the door between every phrase.

I froze in my spot, a wave of mixed emotions coming over me as my cheeks flushed at hearing his voice for the first time in a long time. The familiar sound sent shockwaves down my spine and dread silenced my tongue. It felt like I was on high alert, like an animal paranoid of its prey.

“Y/N! Just - god please tell me you’re at least okay” He stammered in his fit of hysteria, the bangs on the door slowing in rhythm.

Silence followed his pleas, instilling a sense of relief that I didn’t know I needed. Movement outside stilled, making me think that he had given up his relentless efforts and went elsewhere. I let out a breath that I held in, alleviating the stress that had accumulated inside of me.

Although the moment that I began to relax into my seat, two blaring shots rattled through the apartment complex. The scent of gunpowder meshed with the dewy air as I jumped out of my seat, startled and alarmed. I closed my eyes and covered my ears with my palms, the ringing leaving me blindsided.

“Y/N! Y/N? Are you there?” Spencer rushed in with his gun pointed, his feet clattering against the floor in a haste.

“What the fuck Spencer” I hoarsely whispered, although the meekly volume of my voice hadn’t penetrated this ears.

“Y/N!” He called out once again, slowing his movements as his sneakers squeaked with every step he made.

“I’m here Spencer, I’m here” I repeated, using all my might to push the small phrase off of my tongue. My throat stung at the strain of my voice, a burning feeling eliciting from the back of my throat due to the dryness. This time I had caught his attention.

We locked eyes for a brief moment before I quickly broke our line of sight, insecure about my current appearance; even after a month I still held Spencer’s opinion to the highest magnitude. In the time that I observed him, I noticed that he was drenched in rain water, his hair tangled and strung out from his head while droplets proceeded behind him.

“I-” He breathed, his words caught in his throat. He dropped his revolver beside him in incredulity, drinking in my battered presence. He didn’t look too well either, his stature was still the same but the bags under his eyes were prominent, his cheeks were puffed from exhaustion, and his posture resembled the hunchback of Notre Dame.

“W- what are y- you doing here Spencer?” I croaked, rubbing my hands against my arms in an attempt for any type of coverage.

My senses heightened as I waited for his response. He brought in such a familiar, yet unfamiliar presence with him. It felt like I was home, but so far away from it at the same time.

Maybe it was the way that I longed for the warmth of his embrace, the calming rhythm of his heart beat while I slept on his chest, and the soothing melody of his voice while he read to me. But maybe it was also the way he hadn’t dared to speak when JJ’s voice was full of love, when he assumed that I hadn’t acknowledged the endearments he received from another woman, and when I became a distant thought in the back of his head.

I’ve never doubted Spencer’s eidetic memory, but this time I questioned my place in that brilliant mind of his. Maybe for the first time, I was the one thought that had ceased to exist.

“I - why didn’t you tell me?” He uttered, running his hand over his jaw in grievance. His eyes burned holes into me, the intense glare making me feel small under his scrutiny.

I couldn’t answer

“God Y/N - I don’t even - why didn’t you even tell me?”

“I - uh - I don’t” I stuttered, unable to muster the confidence or cognitive ability to speak; it was like my brain had turned into mush.

“Please talk to me” He pleaded, taking a hesitant step closer to me.

I stumbled back in a haste like he was some sort of repellent. I felt a constant push and pull in my gut, messing with my innate instincts.

“Spencer don’t-” I warned, seeing how he had taken a few determined strides towards me.

“Spence...please don't - p- please” I whimpered, feeling a wet substance slide down the apple of my cheeks. I tasted the crimson blood mix with the salty residue on my lips, unaware of how hard I bit down on the skin.

Pained tears continued to fall incessantly from my eyes, matching the way the rain ran down my window panes previously. I saw Spencer’s figure slump down in defeat, the helplessness in my words permeating his eardrums.

“Y/N just - please let me fix - Y/N just please let me fix us” He solicited, looking to me for permission to advance.

“Spencer there’s no need for fixing anythi-”

“Yes there is Y/N-”

“No there isn’t Spencer!” I persisted, convincing myself that I had everything under control. I shut my eyes in frustration, shaking my head in denial while I reminded myself of all the malicious emotions I refused to feel.

“Y/N please just list-”

“No Spencer. I know what to do and I know how to deal with-”

“No Y/N! No you don’t - god you’re so stubborn sometimes -” He imprudently blurted out, pinching at the bridge of his nose to collect his composure. “Y/N - please just…” He sighed, looking deep into my eyes from a distance. “Please just let me in” He begged, a few tears slipping from the corners of his somber irises. His face wore an anguished and desperate expression, an expression that had the ability to end a war.

My cold exterior shattered instantaneously from the sight of Spencer, feeling my heart being tugged into multiple directions until all that was left was a pained human muscle. As much as I wanted to convince myself of an ardent persona, I knew that Spencer was the only person that could invoke such a visceral reaction from me. Whether I accepted the feeling or not, I knew that Spencer’s effect on me was unmatched to any delusions I made myself to believe.

My lips trembled uncontrollably as a soft sob rolled off my tongue. I looked to Spencer for aid, feeling my entire facade crash and burn. My knees buckled and weakened from reality coming in all at once. When the first cry fell from my mouth, more followed soon after.

I became a drenched mess that sat in the middle of the living room. I felt deceived by myself, developing a sense of self resentment as my mindset came into actualization. I grieved for the fragment of myself that I secluded and killed off because of my inability to process my agony, longing for that piece of me back.

Spencer came to my rescue, engulfing me in his arms and encroaching me with his touch. I leaned into his chest, desperately clutching onto the dress shirt he wore. My tears stained his blazer, leaving puddles along the fabric, but I couldn’t care less.

I breathed in the sedative scent, feeling it flush through my nostrils, reminding me of home. I held onto his arms tightly, afraid that he would disappear the moment I let go of him.

Spencer tried to reach down to grab a hold of my cheek, but I nudged his fingers away, climbing into his lap as I buried my face into the crook of his neck.

He cooed into my hair, stroking my back while he whispered his endearments in my ear. “You’re okay Y/N - we’re going to be okay” He breathed, letting out a staggered exhale as he enunciated his words.

Light rushed into my chest at that moment, letting it conquer and cut through the caution tape I had wired around my feelings. Shutting my eyes, I relaxed into his love, letting it infiltrate and replace my fears.

I didn’t doubt that it was going to take time to heal and repair, but at least it was beginning.

“I love you so so much Y/N - more than you can ever conceive” He declared, pressing a soft kiss on my temple. “And nobody will ever tell me otherwise”

I knew from that moment that I didn’t have to walk on a tightrope no longer because I knew it was my name that Spencer would be calling out.

taglist: @rexorangecouny @howdycharlie @linthebinbag @goldentournesol @andiebeaword @moon-light-jukebox @pizzarollsfordayz @baby-i-am-fireproof @cielo1984 @spncersreid @101donuts @l0ve-0f-my-life @haylaansmi @parkeroffline

2K notes · View notes

mistabullets · 4 years

Text

Twilight (Kinktober Day #5 - Corruption)

Characters: Takuto Maruki x Reader

Word Count: 3.0k

Summary: You remind Maruki too much of someone.

Content Warning: n/s/f/w, afab reader, fem pronouns, corruption, loss of virginity, vaginal fingering, vaginal sex, teacher/student relations, doctor/patient relations, angst, dubcon/noncon cw, mind manipulation/alteration cause of maruki’s persona, older man/younger woman, dubious ethics, maruki calls you by the wrong name, p5r spoilers

Note: I went to town on this. I’ve been wanting to write something with Maruki forever and finally got the inspiration I needed

It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this.

It had started out simple - his relationship with you started out strictly professional. You were one of the seniors who had endured Kamoshida’s abuse, although not to the extent some other students had. You still held on to your high hopes and ambitions despite the pressure of exams weighing you down occasionally. Sessions with Maruki-sensei were relaxing. Unlike your parents and teachers, he listened . He didn’t brush off your complaints and invalidate them, he wouldn’t go off on tirades about how you needed to do better. He truly listened - it made you happy to be heard for once, even if you felt your problems were infinitesimal compared to your peers.

You frequented the nurse’s office. While you had friends who were probably better company than the school’s therapist, you found comfort in his words. You never grew bored or tired of his little lectures - he was researching something about cognition and how to mend the heart of its emotional labors. While he threw in complex words you couldn’t quite grasp, you tried your best to follow along and ask questions if you couldn’t wrap your head around a certain concept. And while Maruki was happy to grant you little tidbits of his knowledge, there was something gnawing at him, something he knew he shouldn’t admit.

Your mannerisms and speech patterns, the conversations you two shared, and your upbeat and quirky personality reminded him of Rumi. Every time your eyes glued on him, inquisitive and attentive, he was reminded of when Rumi would pause her studies, just to listen to him babble about two dots he was able to connect. Then he would recall her touch - lingering kisses, careful caresses, the act of becoming one, the noises that spilled from her lips, the heat that she would engulf him in—

But lately, he would visualize your face; contorted in pleasure, pleading with him oh-so-sweetly, and brows knitted as he speared your virginal walls.

However, he was the adult here. He knew it was wrong and he kept those thoughts locked away from his students. For him to fantasize about such things with a student more than a decade younger was unprofessional. For him to lock the doors after you left and pump his cock fervently to the thought of you was disgusting on his behalf. He tried to bury those carnal desires deep within - and he masked them for quite some time, believing he could simply get over it. His heart still belonged to Rumi and no one could replace her. Certainly, he wouldn’t throw that all away for some replacement, projecting her onto you, right?

But it all came to ahead.

The school was out for the day; most students had already gone home for the evening. Just when he was finished organizing paperwork, he heard his office door slam opened and closed. He glanced up, ready to offer whoever came in through his door some snacks and juice. But he was greeted to the sight of you, tears cascading down your puffy eyes. His chest tightened - he hated to see his students cry… but he didn’t want to see you like this. Usually, he thought of you as resilient and independent but he supposed you needed a shoulder to cry on, every once and awhile.

“Oh my, what’s the matter, L/N?”

He offered you a seat on the couch and sat beside you, offering a box of apple juice. You thanked him in a choked whisper, trying your best to collect yourself. Thank god Maruki had the patience of a saint, giving you ample time to compose yourself and reassuring you it’s okay every time you hiccuped a weak sorry .

You sniffled, “I-I don’t even know where to begin…”

“Take your time,” the counselor reassured.

A moment of silence. The clock ticked. You let out a shaky sigh and swallowed harshly, “T-This is all confidential, right?”

Maruki hesitated for a moment but nodded, “Yes. What happens in this room, stays in this room.”

“Okay… well, t-this is embarrassing. But I trust you the most right now,” you swallowed down your pride, willing the courage, “There’s… this student. We’ve been talking and we, uh… did some things.”

He raised his eyebrows when you paused, hearing you take in a deep and uneven breath. He could hear how broken your pride was - without considering it, he placed a hand on your upper back, rubbing it soothingly, reminding you to go at your own pace. It was welcomed. “Go ahead.”

“I… I really thought he liked me b-but…”

“He broke your heart, huh?”

You nodded, “I… I can’t go back in time. If I would have known… h-how cruel he is… M-Maruki-sensei, what should I do? My heart feels so heavy…” you buried your head into his chest, soaking his dress shirt with fat tear droplets. Awkwardly, he held you there, contemplating how he should properly respond to this situation. He furrowed his brows - he was a damn therapist and couldn’t even give you any advice on the matter. Hearing your cries reminded him too much of Rumi’s - the harrowing tears unstoppable as she was reminded of her trauma. He wanted to make them stop, make them disappear somehow. Life was so unjust, he pondered, forcing you to deal with inevitable heartbreak which would some way or another, define you. It was the seed of mistrust, the loss of innocence, and the beginning of life’s hardships.

He pulled you into his embrace, muffling your pathetic wails into his chest. Maruki noticed a faint throbbing in his head, a distant voice telling him, you can save her, let me help… he clung to that voice, asking himself how he could help, how he could be useful .

And then a flicker of kaleidoscope flooded the peripheral of his vision.

There was a ringing.

And your tears ceased.

“M-Maruki-sensei…”

You forgot why you were crying.

“L-L/N? Are you feeling any better now?”

Oh, right? You confessed your feelings.

“S-Sensei… I…!”

You lifted yourself away from the shirt you just soaked with your tears. Without hesitation, you pressed your lips desperately against his; you tasted coffee from his mouth and wanted more.

Maruki was registering what was occurring - a student was kissing him and he needed to put an end to it, he reasoned. However, before he could push you away, a hand reached down for his crotch. You pulled away from the intoxicating kiss, brain fried with overwhelming love for the man before you. “Takuto… a-are you hard?”

And for a moment, he was reminded of his first time with Rumi - her sweet voice whispering his name, worried about pushing him over the edge, “Takuto…”

Takuto…

“Takuto?”

And he snapped. He didn’t care anymore if this was wrong. He just needed you . He gained control and pushed you back into the couch, pouncing you like an animal. Experienced lips found yours and his tongue easily slipped into your mouth when you let out a gasp. He feverishly rubbed his clothed erection against your soft thigh as his kiss deepened and you were already moaning against his mouth. He needed you out of your uniform; he needed to be out of his clothes. God, he needed you so bad, he wanted you—

“A-Ah, please slow down, t-this is my first time.”

Oh right, you never specified if you were still a virgin or not. “S-Sorry…! Don’t worry, I’ll make you feel good, L/N… I mean, Y/N. Just let me take the lead.”

You nodded and assumed kissing, albeit much more calculated and less desperate. Maruki guided you as he promised. He stripped you of your pesky uniform, discarding them to the floor of his office. All that remained on your body were your simple bra and simple underwear which did not match. Maruki was addicted to the little noises you made under his kisses - you whimpered and sighed his name just like her . He ghosted his lips on the ample flesh of your breast and the experienced hand went unclip your bra, exposing the perky buds. His eager lips suckled and nipped each nipple, his slender hands fondled each mound with gentle calculation. He admired the quick rise and fall of your chest and your heavy pants; he wondered what kind of noises he could draw if he touched you down there. Would it be like Rumi’s?

“D-Do you like this, sensei?” you asked curiously, nervously spreading your legs apart as the older man settled in between them, groaning at the maiden heat of your core. He rutted against your clothed sex, relishing in the mewls you released and wishing he would strip off your panties already. God, you were particularly dripping - he couldn’t tell if it was your essence or his pre-cum that sullied the front of his trousers. And he didn’t care either.

“You’re doing so wonderfully, Y/N. You’re already so wet, my god… I’m going to take off your panties.”

“O-Okay…” and you helped him wiggle out of your underwear. He threw them to the floor, on the pile with the rest of your abandoned attire. While you were exposing yourself to him, you didn’t feel nervous - you trusted Maruki to handle you with care. The counselor gulped when you spread your legs for him, showing off your pretty pink pussy. He steadied his breathing and sighed, nestling him and observing it. Hesitantly, he brought a finger to collect your slick, rubbing the slit up-and-down. It was maddening, overwhelming all of your senses as he experimentally touched and observed your womanhood like it was some sort of specimen. Only when you bucked your hips against his hand did Maruki realize he was making you impatient. He couldn’t help but smile at your eagerness, “Patience, I need to prepare you so you can feel good.”

It was fucked up - how he was so willing to discard his ethics just to be able to relive the feeling of being with her; to fill the void in his heart since her memories were wiped clean. But wouldn’t it be more fucked up to deny your feelings? Sure, you may be confused, but… wouldn’t fall deeper into despair if he rejected you? Not only would you have to suffer through one heartbreak but two. If this helped relieve the stress of that one boy, so be it. If he could help you in the slightest, even if it means tossing morals and logic out the window, so be it. He’ll make sure you’re happy too .

After exploring every inch of your core, his index finger aligned with your entrance and pushed. Oh, did it burn but it was pleasant to have him inside. Maruki leaned down to pepper kisses on your throat and jaw, easing you into the thickness of his finger. When he buried it to the knuckle, he inserted his middle finger and sunk that into your tight heat. You hissed and the older man apologized, reassuring you that it would feel good here soon. You believed him and once you stopped trembling, the discomfort molding into a strange sensation, you told him you were ready. With careful precision, he pumped his digits inside of you slowly - he curiously scissored the canal, preparing you to take something bigger than his fingers.

When he curled his finger against a particular area of your wall, you jolted and cried out. It was just like Rumi’s first reaction, “Ah… I found your g-spot. Good, good… I’m going to go faster and touch that again. You may feel funny at first but I promise, it feels wonderful.”

Before you could question Maruki what he was about to do, you wailed as electricity shot throughout your synapses. You writhed and trembled, your head was flooding and your stomach was taut with a strange feeling. However, you couldn’t ask what this feeling was - not when the counselor kept assaulting your g-spot, particularly finger fucking and rendering you a whining mess. Your hands found purchase in the cushion of the couch, tensing when you felt your pussy throb around Maruki’s fingers. You called out his name and he leaned down to silence your cries with his lips - the faculty should be long gone now but he wanted to be safe. You continued moaning into his mouth - then the strange coil in your stomach exploded and you arched your back, wailing and crying. He continued his ministrations, easing you down from your climax.

“T-Takuto… I-I feel so warm…” you panted, once you came down from your high.

“You just orgasmed. It was beautiful, Y/N,” he said.

“I-I’m glad…” you sighed, your body slumping against the couch. As you were washing up to the shore of your post-climax, you heard the rustling of belts and zippers. You glanced down to see the hard erection of your therapist, the pink head glistening with some fluid of sorts. Trepidation overrode your tranquility.

After seeing you come undone with just his fingers alone, he wanted to see you come undone with just his cock. Your reaction reminded him of her too, when she first offered to blow him. Her eyes had widened in surprise, not believing his cock could have this much girth to it. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought you were her reincarnation. Not hesitating a moment longer, he reached for his pocket to tear open a package of condom (better safe than sorry). He rolled the latex over his length before spreading you open to rub himself with your juices, coating himself with plenty. He wished he had a bottle of lube, just to make sure you were prepared but you were particularly dripping on the couch. You watched nervously, chewing your bottom lips as the head of his cock aligned with your entrance.

Maruki had his manners though. He gave a chaste kiss, littering more to your neck and collarbone before placing his forehead against yours. A hand reached to hold yours. Your free hand went to hold on to the back of his shoulder as he gave another kiss. “This may hurt… just relax, breathe in and out, and tell me when you’re ready, okay? … Are you sure about this?”

You nodded, giving him a demure smile as you took a gulp of air, preparing for the intrusion.

And he pushed in his bulbous head inside and you whimpered pitifully. You squeezed his hand until your knuckles turned white. Carefully, he pushed further in and knocked the wind out of you - you cried out and he paused, whispering sweet nothings and apologies. Once you were calm, he continued, and finally, his heavy balls rested against you. “Good girl, now just tell me when you move… on your cue,” he praised, leaving more ghost kisses on your vulnerable skin. You shuddered, adjusting to the painful thickness impaling your insides. However, the pain was quick to fade to only mild discomfort - it was bearable now.

“T-Takuto, nngh… y-you can move now.”

He smiled gently and carefully moved out before slowly thrusting back in. His rhythm was slow and tactful, giving you time to adjust to the feeling of sex. The initial discomfort swirled and spiraled into intense pleasure. When you moaned for more, you received more. Maruki picked up the pace - and his kisses became harsher. His head was buried in the crook of your neck and he nipped the side of it, leaving behind a red-purple bruise. That made your nerves sing and made you mewl, “T-Takutooooo~ Go harder, go faster, p-please…!”

Groaning, the older man readjusted your legs, pressing them against your shoulders so he could fuck your sweet pussy even deeper. You moaned, back arching as Maruki started to pound your oversensitive cunt. He was impossibly deep, you swear you were going to break apart on his thick cock. You continued crying and singing how good he felt, how happy you were that he was your first, and how you were wanted more. Your thighs smacked together, his balls hitting your ass deliciously, and his groin swiveled against your needy clit. His big cock was wrecking your insides and rearranging your guts, and his pace was growing desperate. He would ram the entirety of his length deep inside until the tip kissed your womb before switching it up and jackhammering into your tight walls with abandon. It made your toes curl, made you dig your fingernails into the meat of Maruki’s shoulder, and god, were you about to orgasm again?

Yes, you’re cumming again, Maruki thought as he panted against your sweat-slicked skin, relishing in your virginal tightness. He released your hand to quickly rub your swollen clit - he rubbed and rubbed ferocious circles, groaning when your pussy gripped onto his cock like a vice. Losing himself to your unbearably warm cunt, he began singing a name.

“Rumi, Rumi, Rumi…! I love you…! I’m gonna cum…!”

But rather than question the name that didn’t belong to you, you held him closer, telling him you’re going to follow him over the peak. “T-Takuto, I-I love you…!”

And the two of you exploded. He spilled himself inside while you milked his cock for more.

And while he was crying out someone else’s name like a mantra, you were praising him, seemingly not minding this. Once he finished spending the last of his seed inside of you, he collapsed on top of you. He was exhausted and didn’t seem to realize he was murmuring that stranger’s name again in your ear. Instead of shrinking into the couch out of hurt, you clung to him, peppering kisses to the side of his neck.

“I love you, R̼̗̗̹̻̄ͭͦ͌͜u̶͙̱͌ͩm̺̠͉̥͖͖ͯ͢i̖͕͚͗̽̓…”

" Y/N…"

You smiled. You loved how your name left his lips.

“I love you too, Takuto…”

You glanced out toward the window.

It's twilight now.

#my writing #scenario #takuto maruki #maruki x reader #persona 5 x reader #persona 5 royal #persona 5 royal spoilers #dubcon cw #corruption cw #mind manipulation cw #loss of virginity #persona 5 #takuto maruki x reader #kinktober 2020 #not sfw

122 notes · View notes

charm-in-spades · 3 years

Text

ᄃӨПƬIПЦΛƬIӨП

Themes: blood, death. | Part: [1] | Ambience

He needed relief.

The blood on his lips tasted of copper nostalgia. Of crimson vengeance and reckless power. It reminded him of a time where his fights had been worth something. Meaningful. Where each faithful bootstep had marched him towards admirable objectives and accomplished ambitions.

In those days, he had known purpose and options had been clear:

Conquest. Or calamity.

To some, the two had been one and the same, but in his mind the decision had always been theirs. War or Peace with no designation for anything in between and the path to reward had been clearly defined by the risks he'd undertaken - forced or otherwise. As long as he completed the mission.

The individual moments had ceased to matter if the ends could ultimately justify the means. Decisions had not always been easy, but at a point it had made a certain kind of sense to just do what he was told. He didn't have to think much then. If he did, they just took it away with all the headaches that thoughts caused. Simpler times, in a way. Until they hadn't been. These days, he just felt restless.

The blood on his lips was not his own, but he licked it clean regardless as he gripped the haft of his axe and pressed the heel of his boot into the shoulder of a dead Imperial. The blade made a wet sound as he ripped it free of the wound bisecting the dead soldier's chest, and a warm spray of crimson painted him anew.

It was refreshing, and he let his head fall back into the rain to be washed clean as thunder boomed overhead. The dark, impregnated clouds relinquished their weight in a million, tiny tear drops that he watched plummet to the ground one by one. Perhaps the skies were weeping for him, but it all just looked red. Everything did. It might as well have been raining blood too.

"Quod tu es?"

The Coyote's eyes snapped to inquiry's source. What are you? He frowned to himself, but didn't give an answer. Simply turned and walked slowly to the Imperial, mud clinging to his boots with all the weight of wet concrete desperately trying to hold him back. This one knew something.

When those haunted, crimson rings swept over the broken imperial like rusted saw blades, it was clear the soldier regretted ever speaking at all. Within those optics he could see something complex and deadly at the center of this lost titan's cognition.

Something...hungry, with jagged teeth and raw wounds. It would consume him with little regard in order to accomplish whatever hellish mission this savage had undertaken.This is what a reckoning looked like.

The imperial struggled briefly, futilely to remove his mangled legs from beneath the weighted decimation of what had once been proto-type sky armor, but they would take him nowhere as the armored highlander turned slowly and began to walk towards him like a prowling beast.

The Imperial thumbed his comms and radioed for help, but each channel was livid with static and feedback. Finally, the imperial reached for his gunblade, knowing with sinking heart that this too would be pointless. His fingertips managed to brush the handle before being crushed beneath a steel-toed boot.

The painful cry that ensued was drowned out by another aerial tremor, and the subsequent flash of chaotic crimsons and blues. The soldier had watched as this man had decimated their patrol like a wrecking ball through papier-mâché houses, and now he watched as he raised an axe that seemed impossibly heavy for even the figure before him.

A crooked finger of cobalt touched down from the sky, caught by the head of the axe and the imperial's last sight was a brilliant flash of blue.

Not even the scent of burnt flesh remained, and steaming vestments of Garlemald were washed free of the remaining ash, and crumbling skeletal remains - all that was left of the Decurion now. He let his axe drop to his side, and then turned his attention towards the distant castrum that glowed ominously in the distant. He began to march towards that final destination.

He wasn't done yet.

𝚃o 𝙱e 𝙲ontinued...

#From Garlemald With Love #Stories #Another morning post #Castrum Boogaloo Prt 2 #Continuation #RP Build Up #Terminus

14 notes · View notes

variantia · 3 years

Text

HEADCANON // YOON BUM.

Characteristics of borderline personality disorder / emotionally unstable personality disorder that Bum tends to exhibit.

Borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) / emotionally unstable personality disorder ( EUPD ) is a mental illness, often something that’s lifelong, which manifests with symptoms of unstable relationships, intense emotional reactions, a warped sense of self, and other long-term patterns that are often harmful or self-destructive. Bum ( in my interpretation, at least ) is affected by BPD in several different ways.

There are characteristics or symptoms of BPD that are possibly also explainable by the C-PTSD ( complex post-traumatic stress disorder ) that he also suffers from, but brief descriptions of characteristics that are probably a result of BPD, which affect Bum in his daily life, are outlined in the bullet points below. Read on if you think it may help you understand and interact with him more easily, or if you’re simply interested in how his mind works !

SPLITTING : Bum often views the world in black and white terms. People fall into vague categories like good or bad, kind or cruel, just the same to him as people might fall into specific categories like tall or short. Cognitive behavioral therapy is helping him break these thinking patterns, but it’s a process and he still falls into those things sometimes. When confronted with two opposing traits existing in the same person, such as a cruel person being kind occasionally, it’s difficult for him to accept that one person can be both. If that happens, he usually defaults to the first category his mind decided they were. For this reason, he can appear very stubborn and set in his ways and like he doesn’t want to change, when he does, and his mind just has a lot of difficulty reconciling the positive and negative.

INTENSE OR DISPROPORTIONATE EMOTIONAL REACTIONS : Bum seems to feel or express his emotions in a way that seems like an overreaction to most people. He’s depressed instead of sad, manic instead of happy, furious instead of irritated ; his emotions frequently jump to the extreme end rather than starting out mild and building up to the extreme. If someone does something nice for him that is very small, i.e. perhaps letting him go in front of them in a grocery store line, he feels as if it’s a huge gesture that he should be incredibly grateful for, even if it wasn’t that big a deal. Conversely, if something slightly bad happens, i.e. he’s late for an appointment, he feels as if he’s an inconsiderate person who can’t keep track of time, even if he’s on time on every other occasion. The medication he’s on is aimed at ‘ turning down ’ his emotions so he doesn’t react as intensely to things that don’t merit an intense reaction, but just as with his therapy, the medication can only do so much, and intense reactions are definitely something he still experiences, just not as often as if he wasn’t on medication.

FEAR OF ABANDONMENT : Bum is terrified of being rejected and left alone, and will go to extreme lengths to keep it from happening. He, personally, wouldn’t go so far as forcing someone to stay with him, but he will absolutely make promises about being better, being whatever the other person wants him to be, begging them not to leave him alone, to the point of probably accidentally manipulating their emotions. It’s not a conscious decision to make them feel bad for leaving or not wanting to be in his life anymore, but rather he truly feels like he’s not worth anything on his own. Predictably, most people don’t enjoy being put in that position, so it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy in that the more he begs and promises, the more most people will want to leave.

UNSTABLE RELATIONSHIPS : Bum often gets very attached, very quickly, to anyone who shows him kindness. He has trouble maintaining relationships with other people because he wants all of their attention, and is very sensitive to what he perceives as rejection. If the other person says that they’re busy and can’t be with him right now, but they will later, all he seems to process is the first part. He feels as if they don’t care about him or don’t want to make time for him. This can lead to him treating them with anger, such as giving them the cold shoulder or saying things he doesn’t mean to them. Once the fight is over, he will usually apologize ... but he often expects an apology from them, too. It also happens that he seems to move very quickly in a relationship ; saying “ I love you ” within the first few weeks of a romance, calling someone his best friend after maybe a month, etc., which typically scares a lot of people off. Dialectical behavioral therapy is helping with improving his relationships, but these issues will almost certainly still crop up from time to time in any relationship he has.

DISSOCIATION : Bum will sometimes ‘ zone out ’, but in a more extreme way than daydreaming. His mind and his body experience a disconnect, and when this happens, he seems to be staring off into space. It takes effort to make him respond, to the point that it might be worrisome to those around him. This will sometimes happen during extremely negatively emotional moments, where Bum will dissociate completely from himself, his mind’s effort to avoid the physical and emotional pain which comes with strong reactions. He describes it as a sort of “ empty ” feeling, like he’s suddenly ceased to exist for a few moments, like his whole being is filled with static, like he has no idea what’s happening to or around him, before he suddenly snaps back to awareness. He seems numb immediately following an episode of dissociation, but he’s actually often distressed by it and doesn’t like the feeling.

SELF-DESTRUCTIVE OR RECKLESS BEHAVIOR : most of the time, Bum’s self-destruction takes the form of things like self-harm. His typical method is cutting, usually along his arms, sometimes on his legs. It’s not something he engages in daily or even weekly, monthly. It is, however, something that when it happens, he does it several times within a short period. He may make several cuts a few times a day for several days, then not again for months. It depends. Doing this causes his brain to give him a rush of endorphins to combat the pain, and that makes him feel ... good for a moment. Then he feels guilty that he hurt himself, and wants to feel good again, and it becomes a cycle of addiction to his own hormones. Again, it’s not a ‘ regular ’ thing he does, but it does happen. Other things he does are to engage in risk-taking - things like crossing the street without looking to see if a car is coming that might hit him, or going out in the rain for long enough that he’s almost guaranteed to get sick. When he comes out on the other side of those things still alive and relatively okay, boom, rush of adrenaline that makes him feel good. Therapy and medication are helping a lot with these behaviors, but he does still fall into them occasionally, especially when he’s experiencing a lot of stress, needs to feel in control of something, or is attempting to cope with an intense emotion where his healthier coping mechanisms haven’t helped. He’s attempted suicide in the past because of emotional pain, and still sometimes has those ideations in his head, particularly as intrusive thoughts when things are actually going well for him.

POOR SENSE OF IDENTITY AND SELF-IMAGE : Bum doesn’t truly know how to describe himself to others, and doesn’t think he’s really worth much. He thinks of himself as having only two big interests ( frogs and sweets ) and the rest of his personality is simply nothing. Often he feels like he’s only ‘ interesting ’ when he’s with someone else. When asked to pick a few words to describe himself or a few things he enjoys, he will struggle with doing so to the point that he might break down in tears because he feels like he doesn’t know who he is. He’s working hard on discovering himself, but it’s a long, slow process that involves steps such as trying new things, which is very scary to him.

Bum is a man who has a lot of issues, and even though he’s working on trying to put the pieces of his life together and be healthier, many of the BPD symptoms he experiences will often inform his behavior. It’s a struggle, but he really is trying.

Patience, understanding, and encouragement, coupled with the willingness to not enable or reinforce his unhealthy behaviors, will go a long way in helping maintain a good relationship with Bum ! Be kind to him, but also be willing to stand firm if the situation calls for it. Even if it’s hard and upsets him at first, he appreciates those things, because he knows it will help him in the long run.

#bpd tw #self harm tw #suicide tw #suicidal ideation tw #killing stalking tw #that’s just what I think anyway. ( HEADCANON. )#some days it feels like a wrecking ball is swinging through my ribcage. ( BUM. )#(( w h e w I've wanted to get this post out for a few days #I've done as much research as I can on BPD / EUPD and I still feel I don't /fully/ understand it #but I I understand it insofar as it affects Bum's behavior and thought processes #it fascinates me to get inside his head so deeply even if there are parts which make me slightly uncomfortable #honestly I just thought I should warn anyone who might be interacting with him on a regular basis #that he does have BPD and it affects his behavior quite a bit #just so anyone who thinks about interacting with him in a more intimate capacity for any kind of relationship #whether romantic or platonic #is aware that these are things that may manifest within that relationship because BPD affects Bum's behavior #ty for reading this tho I know it's really long but !! I have fun getting inside his head it's very interesting #I've always been interested in how the mind works and doing research for Bum is very rewarding #it makes me feel like I have a better understanding of the mind in general <3 ))

9 notes · View notes

panatmansam · 4 years

Text

Scenes from a Glass Darkly

by Saṃsāran

The road was dark and your eyes were having trouble focusing when there was a screeching sound, then a crash and a sudden feeling of tremendous pressure. There was no pain though. Your mind remained active long enough for “so this is it” to flash across before all cognition ceased and you died.

Yes, the accident was fatal.

You died in a slow deliberate process as your crushed systems failed and the fluid drained from your body. The electrical system in your body then failed and like the lights going out on the Titanic and with no more neurons firing or other brain function, all thought and sensation along with any sense of the passage of time ended.

No darkness. No light. No up. No Down. No existence.

Oh, every single atom of your body still existed in some form or another. In fact, every bit of energy every used by your body still existed in some form. You see our universe is a closed system so far as we know. We’re like one of those airtight and sealed terrariums that produce its own water and nutrients. Nothing in. Nothing out.

If our universe is indeed such a system the First Law of Thermodynamics which states that there can be no net increase or decrease in the amount of heat energy where no new energy is being added from the outside would apply. That means that your consciousness is itself a kind of energy. A variety of very complex and rare energy present, so far as we know, only in the presence of life.

Back to you. At some point, you woke. You guess it was you because it was the thought behind the eyes. Who else could it be? Your first impression was surprise. After all, you didn’t expect this. Although you described yourself as a pantheist deep down you were an atheist.

The atheist in you always thought “when it's over its over”.

Man were you ever surprised. You looked around and everywhere you looked the darkness receded and the emptiness was filled with things. You were just observing. How could this be? Things from no thing? Nothing? No, this can’t be right. You asked: “Am I me? Why can’t I remember anything? Why do I remember everything, and, am I creating the universe simply by looking or merely returning to it?

Is it all an illusion?

#text #philosophy #stocisim

10 notes · View notes

islanublar · 3 years

Text

MASRANI BACKDOOR

AVAILABLE PROGRAMS:

ASSETS ..... USE TO ACCESS A PARK ASSET

QUERY ...... USE TO QUERY AN OBJECT

INBOX ...... READ RECEIVED MESSAGES

ARCHIVE .... READ ARCHIVED LOGS

TIMELINE ... USE TO SHOW COMPANY HISTORY

USEFUL COMMANDS:

HELP ....... DISPLAYS ASSISTANCE

LS ......... LIST DIRECTORY FILES

CLEAR ...... CLEARS THE SCREEN

EXIT ....... EXITS THE PROGRAM

ARCHIVE

KARYOLYSIS

---BEGIN LOG---

OWNER: WU, HENRY DATE: 09/20/1991 2205 CST SUBJECT: KARYOLYSIS NOTES: DESPITE INITIAL TESTS SHOWING PROMISING RESULTS, SUBJECTS 4X, 6X AND 7X (VELOCIRAPTOR) ALL FAILED WITHIN 6 DAYS DUE TO KARYOLYSIS: COMPLEX CHROMATIN MOLECULES COLLAPSING DURING INTERPHASE. WE BELIEVE THIS WAS DUE TO INCOMPATIBLE GENETIC STRUCTURES IN DENDROBATES LEUCOMELAS; AN INTERESTING THOUGHT AS DILOPHOSAURUS HAS SHOWN GOOD RESULTS WITH XL-22(728)[REGION 1]. A POSSIBLE SOLUTION HAS BEEN FOUND IN HYPEROLIUS VIRIDIFLAVUS.

---END LOG---

COLLECTIVE INTELLIGENCE

---BEGIN LOG---

OWNER: WU, HENRY DATE: 02/13/1992 1410 CST SUBJECT: COLLECTIVE INTELLIGENCE NOTES: VELOCIRAPTOR SUBJECTS HAVE BEEN DISPLAYING HIGH LEVELS OF SHARED INTELLIGENCE AS A RESULT OF A THREE STEP PROCESS INVOLVING COGNITION, COOPERATION, AND COORDINATION. THE COLLECTIVE IQ IS STAGGERING. PERHAPS MORE ALARMING ARE SCANS OF THEIR TEMPORAL LOBE DISPLAYING HIGH LEVELS OF ACTIVITY RESPONSIBLE FOR MEMORY, ORGANIZATION AND SEQUENCING, AND RECEPTIVE LANGUAGE.

---END LOG---

LYSINE

---BEGIN LOG---

OWNER: WU, HENRY DATE: 05/12/1994 1215 CST SUBJECT: LYSINE NOTES: THERE MUST BE A HICCUP IN THE LYSINE CONTINGENCY SOMEWHERE. THE ANIMALS HAVE NOT PERISHED. WHAT'S MORE ASTONISHING IS THAT THEY'RE BREEDING. I'VE SEEN THE NESTS MYSELF. ONE CAN ONLY ASSUME INCLUSIONS FROM HYPEROLIUS VIRIDIFLAVUS WERE TO BLAME. COMPLETELY UNPRECEDENTED IN MY FIELD OF RESEARCH. LIFE FOUND A WAY?

---END LOG---

KARACOSIS WUTANSIS

---BEGIN LOG---

OWNER: WU, HENRY DATE: 05/21/1997 0745 CST SUBJECT: KARACOSIS WUTANSIS NOTES: SUCCESS! SOMETHING THAT I THOUGHT WAS DECADES AWAY WAS ACHIEVED IN A MERE FOUR YEARS: THE ABILITY TO COMBINE MULTIPLE SPECIES OF GENETIC LIFE INTO A SINGLE ENVIRONMENT. A BRAND NEW SPECIES OF LIFE. THE INTERNATIONAL SOCIETY OF GENETICISTS ARE ALREADY NAMING IT IN MY HONOR: KARACOSIS WUTANSIS. IF ONLY HAMMOND WAS WELL ENOUGH TO HAVE COME AND SEEN THIS. LOOKS LIKE I'LL HAVE TO UPDATE MY BOOK.

---END LOG---

IRON STORES

---BEGIN LOG---

OWNER: WU, HENRY DATE: 08/25/2000 1355 CST SUBJECT: IRON STORES NOTES: TECHNOLOGY NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE ME. JUST A DECADE AGO NO ONE HAD BELIEVED WE'D HOLD THE TECHNOLOGY WE USE TODAY. MOORE'S LAW IS THRIVING. OUR RESEARCHERS IN SAN DIEGO (BRIDGES & CURTIS, ET AL.) HAVE GIVEN ME THE NEWS THAT OUR PROTOTYPE IRON ANALYZER READ INTO OUR RECENTLY UNCOVERED FOSSILIZED MOSASAUR SKELETON AND HAS SHOWN SIGNS OF TRACEABLE DNA FRAGMENTS. WHILST IT IS STILL MUCH TOO EARLY TO TELL, I BELIEVE THIS MAY BE OUR ONLY MEANS TO RECREATING AQUATIC LIFE IN THE ABSENCE OF CULICIDAE.

---END LOG---

WEEK 3

---BEGIN LOG---

OWNER: HOSKINS, VIC DATE: 04/19/2002 1910 CST SUBJECT: WEEK 3 NOTES: I WAS IMPRESSED WITH THE TEAM TODAY. HELL, STARING A SEVEN TON PREDATOR IN THE EYES IS NO EASY JOB. THESE THINGS ARE BIGGER THAN YOU'D EXPECT! LET'S JUST HOPE TIMACK KNOWS HOW TO BUILD STRONG PADDOCKS.

---END LOG---

RUFFLED FEATHERS

---BEGIN LOG---

OWNER: WU, HENRY DATE: 02/20/2003 1410 CST SUBJECT: RUFFLED FEATHERS NOTES: I'M CALLING THIS THE 'COMMON COLD OF GENETICS'. WE CAN'T CURE THIS ONE SOON I'M SURE. BECAUSE WE'RE ACTIVELY MANIPULATING AND MUTATING THE ANIMALS' GENES, ADDING FROG, BIRD AND REPTILE DNA, WE CREATE WHAT IS KNOWN AS 'NULL ALLELE'. THE DINOSAURS CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT SOMETHING ADDED TO THEIR CODE SO FOR NOW WE'RE STUCK WITH SCALES. MAYBE MY RESEARCH INTO GENE SPLICING WILL UNEARTH THIS PROBLEM, IT CERTAINLY PROVED ITS LIMITLESS CAPABILITIES WITH THAT ACCIDENT WE LEFT ON SORNA.

---END LOG---

NAMUMKIN KUCH BHI NAHI

---BEGIN LOG---

OWNER: MASRANI, SIMON DATE: 06/06/2009 0800 CST SUBJECT: NAMUMKIN KUCH BHI NAHI NOTES: I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I HELD A BABY DINOSAUR, AN INFANT PARASAUROLOPHUS IN 1999 DURING MY VISIT TO OVERSEE OUR RECENTLY PURCHASED INGEN. I REMEMBER THINKING THIS WAS THE RESULT OF PURE IMAGINATION REINFORCED BY THE UNDERSTANDING THAT NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. PEOPLE OFTEN TALK ABOUT HOW MAN CANNOT FLY WITHOUT AN AIRCRAFT, HOWEVER IF YOU REMOVE GRAVITY MAN CAN FLY WITHOUT AID OF ANYTHING. IT'S ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE. I KNOW NOW, MORE THAN EVER, THAT OUR SPECIES HAS UNLIMITED CAPABILITIES. HOLDING THAT YOUNG ANIMAL WAS A WAKE UP CALL. IF WE DREAM OF IT, WE CAN ACHIEVE IT. NOW ONLY ONE QUESTION REMAINS: WHAT IS NEXT FOR INGEN? I BELIEVE HENRY WU HAS AN ANSWER.

---END LOG---

INBOX

THE NEXT TEN YEARS

---NEW MESSAGE---

FROM: MASRANI, SIMON TO: [UNDISCLOSED RECIPIENT] DATE: 01/10/1998 1215 CST SUBJECT: THE NEXT TEN YEARS MESSAGE: FANCY MEETING ME FOR LUNCH THIS THURSDAY? STRICTLY BUSINESS. SIMON.

---END MESSAGE---

JURASSIC PLOP

---NEW MESSAGE---

FROM: MASRANI, SIMON TO: [UNDISCLOSED RECIPIENT] DATE: 10/23/1999 0005 CST SUBJECT: JURASSIC PLOP MESSAGE: I'M DISSATISFIED WITH THE NAME. 'PARK' FEELS SMALL, TOO 1980'S, NOT TO MENTION IT HAS A LOT OF WEIGHT AND BAD PRESS AROUND IT. I'VE BEEN SCRIBBLING NOTES ON MY FLIGHTS COMING UP WITH POSSIBLE TITLES, AND I'M THINKING 'WORLD'. WELCOME TO 'JURASSIC WORLD'! THOUGHTS? OTHERS IDEAS INCLUDED ... JURASSIC ISLAND, THE LOST WORLD, PREHISTORIC WORLD, JURASSIC LAND, DINO ISLAND, CRETASIA ISLAND, ROAMING REPTILES, DINOSPHERE, ... GIANT CHICKEN ISLAND?

---END MESSAGE---

RE: JW SYSTEMS CHECK

---NEW MESSAGE---

FROM: MCCLURE, JAMES TO: [UNDISCLOSED RECIPIENT] DATE: 06/08/2004 2050 CST SUBJECT: RE: JW SYSTEMS CHECK MESSAGE: I'VE MANAGED TO ISOLATE THE ANOMALY. I WOULD SAY THE SYSTEM IS NOW WATERTIGHT. I'LL GIVE HOSKINS A CALL AND SEE IF HE CAN SPOT ANYTHING THAT NEEDS UPDATING. YOU KNOW HOW HE HAS AN EYE FOR DETAIL. MIGHT HELP.

---END MESSAGE---

GRAND OPENING

---NEW MESSAGE---

FROM: MASRANI, SIMON TO: [UNDISCLOSED RECIPIENTS] DATE: 05/30/2005 1530 CST SUBJECT: GRAND OPENING MESSAGE: I JUST WANTED TO SEND A QUICK MESSAGE TO THANK EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU FOR ALL THE EFFORT YOU'VE PUT INTO MAKING JURASSIC WORLD COME TO LIFE. WE HAVE A SAYING BACK HOME IN INDIA, 'DER AAYE DURUST AAYE' OR 'BETTER LATE THAN NEVER'. IT'S TIME WE MAKE HISTORY. HAMMOND WOULD BE PROUD. NAMASTE. SIMON.

---END MESSAGE---

NEW OPPORTUNITY

---NEW MESSAGE---

FROM: MASRANI, SIMON TO: [UNDISCLOSED RECIPIENT] DATE: 04/04/2012 1720 CST SUBJECT: NEW OPPORTUNITY MESSAGE: HENRY. I'VE JUST COME OUT OF A MEETING AND THE BOARD ARE UNANIMOUS IN THEIR DESIRE FOR A NEW PARK ATTRACTION TO SATISFY OUR INVESTORS. SOMETHING BIGGER, SCARIER, COOLER. ANY NEW SPECIES COME TO MIND? YOU HAVE MY FULL AUTHORIZATION. SIMON.

---END MESSAGE---

HELP

---NEW MESSAGE---

FROM: GRADY, OWEN TO: [UNDISCLOSED RECIPIENT] DATE: 05/17/2013 0955 CST SUBJECT: HELP MESSAGE: THEIR PACK DYNAMIC IS MUCH MORE COMPLICATED THAN WE FIRST THOUGHT AND I'M STARTING TO THINK YOU'RE NOT WEIGHING UP THE GRAVITY OF THAT. WE CANNOT BURY OUR HEADS IN THE SAND AND HOPE FOR THE BEST WITH THIS, SO I' M GOING TO NEED SOME HELP. I HAVE AN OLD FRIEND IN FRANCE, BARRY, WHO CAN ASSIST. I'LL SEND HIM YOUR NUMBER TO INTRODUCE YOU. IF WE'RE TO STUDY THESE ANIMALS AND LEARN HOW THEY WORK THEN WE SHOULDN'T ASSUME TO GAIN THEIR CO-OPERATION WITH JUST A FEW SNACKS. REMEMBER, THEY CAN TALK TO EACH OTHER. JUST A TIP, VIC.

---END MESSAGE---

MARTEL

---NEW MESSAGE---

FROM: WU, HENRY TO: [UNDISCLOSED RECIPIENTS] DATE: 11/15/2014 1105 CST SUBJECT: MARTEL MESSAGE: CONGRATULATIONS TO THE MARTEL TEAM ON THEIR OPENING! THIS IS OUR FIRST STEP INTO CREATING THE MOST COMPREHENSIVE BIOLOGICAL LIBRARY THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN. OBVIOUS RUMORS HAVE ALREADY BEGUN CIRCULATING ABOUT OUR INTENTIONS BUT I WANT THE CORE TEAM TO KNOW THAT WE'RE JUST COLLECTING AND ARCHIVING FOR NOW. I'VE SPOKEN WITH SIMON AND HE HAS EXPRESSED HIS UTMOST DELIGHT THAT WE'LL BEGIN WORK ON THIS.

---END MESSAGE---

RE: INDOMINUS REX

---NEW MESSAGE---

FROM: MASRANI, SIMON TO: [UNDISCLOSED RECIPIENT] DATE: 12/24/2014 0940 CST SUBJECT: RE: INDOMINUS REX MESSAGE: UNFORTUNATELY MY FACE IS NEEDED AT SEVERAL OTHER MEETINGS AND EVENTS OVER THE COMING SIX MONTHS. I WON'T BE ABLE TO SEE THE FRUITS OF YOUR LABOR UNTIL THE END OF MAY OR EARLY JUNE. SINCERE APOLOGIES. SIMON.

---END MESSAGE---

INSTALLATION

---NEW MESSAGE---

FROM: HOSKINS, VIC TO: [UNDISCLOSED RECIPIENTS] DATE: 01/10/2015 1215 CST SUBJECT: INSTALLATION MESSAGE: MASCOM NETWORK ENGINEERS WILL BE ON SITE INSTALLING NEW SCANNING HARDWARE IN THE NORTH OF THE ISLAND PAST THE RESTRICTED ZONE ON JANUARY 30 0800 CST. ALL INGEN SECURITY STAFF PLEASE BE ON STANDBY TO ASSIST.

---END MESSAGE---

QUERY TERMS:

Amber - DESCRIPTION: Fossilized tree resin (not sap).

Barbasol - [Used to open a page on jurrasicworld.com]

Colin - Name: Trevorrow, Colin Position: Director, Safety (Not Guaranteed)

Derek - Name: Connoly, Derek Position: Employee of the Month

Diabolus rex - ERROR: Did you mean 'Axis Boulder'?

Fetahers - ERROR: Null Allele.

IBRIS - Name: Integrated Behavioral Raptor Intelligence Study. FURTHER INFORMATION: RESTRICTED ACCESS

Isla Nublar - Location: 120 miles off the coast of Costa Rica. Description: Home of Jurassic World.

Isla Sorna/Isla Matanceros/Isla Pena/Isla Tacaño/Isla Muerta - Location: Las Cinco Muertos. Description: U.N. heritage preservation.

Masrani - Name: Masrani, Simon Position: Cheif Executive Officer, Masrani Global Corporation

Timack - DESCRIPTION: Building the foundations for state of the art entertainment.

Visitors Centre - [Opens jurrasicworld.com] It also says "FURTHER INFORMATION: RESTRICTED ACCESS".

Wu - Name: Wu, Henry Position: Lead Genetic Biologist, International Genetic Technologies, Inc.

TIMELINE

1525 - Isla Nublar discovered by Diego Fernadez. 1526 - Muertes Archipelago discovered (disputed). 1928 - John Parker Hammond born in Edinburgh, Scotland. 1930 - Sanjay Masrani is born in Bombay (Mumbai), India. 1967 - Simon Masrani is born in Bombay (Mumbai), India. 1969 - John Hammond's 'Animal Kingdom' opens in Nirobi, Kenya. 1973 - Mascom Network established in Bombay (Mumbai), India. 1975 - International Genetics Technologies, Inc. established in San Deigo, USA. 1979 - Mascom unveils concept for fiber-optic communications. 1982 - Isla Sorna leased from the Costa Rican Government. 1983 - Construction of Jurassic Park: San Deigo. 1984 - First test fertilizations of artificial ovum. Tatsuo Technology established in Tokyo, Japan. 1985 - 'Jurassic Park: San Deigo' decommissioned. Isla Nublar leased from the Costa Rican Government. 1986 - First dinosaur (Velociraptor) successfully cloned at 'Site B'. 1987 - Last remaining Bribri Tribe descendant resettled off Isla Nublar. 1988 - Construction of 'Jurassic Park' begins. 1990 - First mature animals moved from 'Site B' to Isla Nublar. 1992 - Sanjay Masrani passes away. Simon Masrani made chef executive officer, Mascom Network. 1993 - FURTHER INFORMATION: RESTRICTED ACCESS 1994 - FURTHER INFORMATION: RESTRICTED ACCESS 1995 - Dr. Henry Wu publishes 'The Next Step: The Evolution of God's Concepts'. 1996 - Masrani Oil Industries established in Abu Dubai, UAE. Data Analysis established in Johannesburg, South Africa. 1997 - John Hammond passes away. Dr. Henry Wu creates Karacosis wutansis. FURTHER INFORMATION: RESTRICTED ACCESS 1998 - International Genetics Technologies, Inc. acquired by Masrani Global. 1999 - Masrani Global acquires limited access to Isla Nubalr and Isla Sorna. FURTHER INFORMATION: RESTRICTED ACCESS 2000 - Dr. Henry Wu begins work on 'Jurassic World' project. Axis Boulder established in Dubai, UAE. 2001 - 'Flying Reptile Cleanup' headed by Vic Hoskins. FURTHER INFORMATION: RESTRICTED ACCESS 2002 - Timack Construction established in San Jose, Costa Rica. Construction begins on 'Jurassic World'. 2003 - Midixal Health established in New York, USA. 2004 - 'Jurassic World' construction completed. Assets moved from Isla Sorna to Isla Nublar. 2005 - Opening of 'Jurassic World' on Isla Nublar. 2007 - Aerospace Dynamics established in Toulouse, France. 2009 - Hybrid hatched April 05. FURTHER INFORMATION: RESTRICTED ACCESS 2011 - Tatsuo Technology acquired by Masrani Global Corporation. 2012 - IBRIS Project begins development. FURTHER INFORMATION: RESTRICTED ACCESS 2014 - 'Martel' facility established in Siberia, Russia. International Genetics Technologies, Inc houses world's most complete genomic library. 2015 - UPDATE PENDING

ASSETS

Upon entering any asset, it will pull up the asset page on the jurrasicworld.com website

LIST DIRECTORY FILES

IBRIS.JPG

MEME.JPG

TIMACK.JPG

#source: masrani backdoor

3 notes · View notes

skippyv20 · 4 years

Text

Dear Skippy, I know the world is dealing with the serious corona virus and countless other extremely serious issues but I would like to request prayers for my 27 yr old daughter. She injured her knee late January, we thought a meniscus tear, she was prescribed the usual physical therapy routine which her first appointment brought on significant nerve pain that has now extended beyond her knee to include from her toes to her lower left lumbar region . She had to wait till late February to be insurance coverage eligible for an MRI. The MRI results were normal..no soft tissue or meniscus damage or any signs of a healing injury, During the Dr.’s examination yesterday, he noticed skin discoloration in her leg and she was not able to press down with her left foot. He has referred her to a Pain Specialist for Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. CRPS can begin with only a minor injury or infection and is believed to be an autoimmune disorder. It is very painful. The prognosis is variable and sometimes disappears after several months but it is often a chronic, progressive and disabling disorder that can spread to other areas of the body including internal organs, can cause muscle atrophy, changes to bone structure, changes in skin texture, decrease blood circulation, abd cause cognitive issues. Early treatment can sometimes bring remission. I am scared to death for her..she is so young, loves to hike, ride bikes, kayak and take care of her dog and help others. She truly has a heart of gold and a compassionate spirit with a dash of sassy attitude. I pray for remission and treatment to ease her pain. Thank you.

My dear friend...I am so sorry to hear of this. I have reread this a few times now....and I see you are forecasting. You know that looking at the worse creates unnecessary worry. One day at a time my dear friend. She hasn’t had a diagnosis yet, either. One thing I can tell you, I’m a professional fall down and hit the ground pro. It can take months to heal from a fall. Don’t panic yet, one day at a time. I know this sounds very scary, and I don’t make light of it. I just know you have to place your faith in God. God knows her. He has a plan for her. Believe she will be fine....but don’t forecast. One day at a time.....🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Prayers for our dear friend’s daughter. We pray that she heals quickly and returns to good health. We pray when she sees the specialist she receives good results. We pray that this is just a temporary injury. We pray she can return to all she loves soon. We pray she can stay active. We pray the pain ceases. We pray for her to be pain free. We pray for God to touch her with his healing hands. We pray she can stay strong in faith. We pray to Virgin Mary, a mother herself, and ask her to comfort our dear friend. We pray for our friend to stay calm and peaceful as she awaits results. God Bless our friend’s daughter. God Bless our friend.🙏🏻💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

42 notes · View notes

incarnateirony · 4 years

Text

So I’ve said this across multiple posts but I’m just going to bind it together into one statement that sounds like a raving lunatic about SPN cosmogeny.

Death is an infinite vessel; The souls that can be contained in Death are infinite. Chuck made the sandbox of the living world, we just play in it. Once outside of the living world, reapers can manipulate human perception, it’s THEIR sandbox. When a reaper appears and reaches through to the living world, time ceases, as the story for that person ends.

Souls that refuse to “move on” from the constructed living world of Chuck watch it tick by, losing their minds, unable to let go. Souls that do move on are still ushered into other cage frameworks by Chuck, who can throw open the doors en masse any time he wants, as in hell. But he who has the most souls is God. Angels are given to strictly preventing rebellions of the bobbies.

People see what they want to see. For some, it’s the garden of eden, though no divine creature calls it that, only man. But it is the birthplace of man from whence he was evicted, and supposedly only angels or The One can go there. For others, it’s god’s throne. All at the end of the axis mundi, the cognitive road.

The living world is built atop what we call Death as the infinite vessel. Chuck’s mind perceives the world, and we play in it. But until we move into domains where our own complex thoughts and memories make our own stories, we are subject to the Mind of the Logos, the Word, or to Death. Only by aspiring to man’s own sovereignty do we become Deathless.

*jazz hands*

Fight me

#supernatural #spn #meta #my meta #pagan life #death #reapers #chuck #heaven #absence #mind #demiurge #grace #word #cosmogenesis

36 notes · View notes

loucf · 3 years

Text

On this day, one year ago; it happened.

She was trying to sleep at that time, her head was rested on the pillow, and she had that habit of detaching in the background of her mind and watching her visual thoughts float spontaneously behind her eyelids. She believed it was desensitization or some kind of subconscious defragmentation that happens in the first stages of sleep, so she never really tried to introspect into it.

But on that night, she felt detached not only from her visual thoughts, but also from the auditory ones. She felt disconnected from the voice in her head in the same way she felt disconnected from these cognitive processes. It was a feeling of alienation exploding in her mindscape. When a person’s sanity is threatened, their superiority complex would act as a defense mechanism and just try to resolve it outside their surface consciousness, and that's what happened. All she could do was to go to sleep and hope for the best.

On the next morning she woke up with ringing in her ears, it felt similar to when your ears step-up like they do when the pressure changes inside an airplane. She decided to leave the bed and before she stepped up on the floor she diverged headlong with a wave of energy that entered her awareness like a stick of dynamite exploding silently within her, splitting her awareness in two. In the gaping space that appeared, what she had previously called "herself" was thrusted out of its usual location. It was a foot behind and to the left of her head. Her awareness was shoved out behind her body, observing everything like an outcast.

Her body's signals and sensory inputs seemed to take a long time to be picked up in that place, as if they were light coming from a distant star. She shook her head a few times, hoping to rattle her consciousness back into place, but nothing changed. It felt from afar as her fingers fumbled to open the door. Her mind had risen to a halt in the shock of the hasty collision with whatever had dislodged her consciousness.

She left the room to find her mom waiting for her on break fast. They gabbered, but although her voice continued speaking coherently, she felt completely dislodged from it. The face of her mom seemed far away albeit she was next to her.And the air between them seemed foggy, as if it's filled with an abundant, luminous soup. She turned to look out the window for a moment, then reached out to signal the driver to give her a ride. She slid over by the window and bid her mom goodbye with a smile. She could feel sweat rolling down her arms and beading up on her face, she was both confused and terrified.

It was only a couple of minutes before the feeling of alienation started manifesting itself again within her. This time her thoughts felt like an uncorgealed, unfixated vibratory stream firing on the left side of her head. They weren't her thoughts anymore, she isn't voluntarily channeling them in her mind, and their content was irrelevant to what she would normally think about. It felt like thoughts are naturally governed by our mental identity, and once it was cast aside, her thoughts started behaving in a randomized, entrophic way. And her bodily movements became mechanical, she was disconnected from it just like she disconnected from her entire psyche.

Hour after another, this feeling of disassociation became even broader, she was a stranger,watching everything reshuffle and reflux. Her memories, ideas, personality and behavior impulses scattered in front of her, inside her own head and there was nothing she could do about it.

She went to therapists, psychologists, hypnotists and whatever else. But no one understood what was going on inside of her and she could never understand either. Was it psychosis? Schizophrenia? Depersonalization? Personality disorder of some sort? In the past, she would normally ask these questions with a feeling of presence, the presence of a thinker thinking these thoughts. But at that time, the thoughts were vacant. They're just unfolding.

The more she fought with her thoughts, the more exhausted she felt. Sleep was her only solace, but even that - overtime, had changed. This was the oddest experience. Her mind was asleep, but something was simultaneously awake.

The moment her eyes opened the next morning, her mind exploded in worry. Incapable of making sense of this state, her mind alternated between racing in anxiety and desyncing completely, leaving only the empty humming of space resonating in her ears. That “awareness” floating outside her head was distinct from her mind, her body, and her emotions, and the position it held, behind and to the left of the head, remained constant. The distance between that awareness and her body seemed to elicit panic in and of itself, due to the sensation of being so concurrent and tethered to her body. In this state, physical existence was experienced to be on the verge of dissolution, and all her brain could do was channeling an annihilation fear of monumental proportions.

For her, the whole experience was nightmarish beyond belief. Her mind (she could no longer even call it "her” mind) was trying to come up with some explanation for this enigmatic experience. Her body moved beyond terror into a turbulent horror, and that's how her life has been for months on end. There was the sense of being on an edge, a boundary between existing and not existing, and she believed that if she did not maintain the thought of existence, existence itself would cease.

After months of this obfuscating awareness, something changed yet again; that “awareness” disappeared. This new state was far more confusing and more terrifying than the preceding months. The disappearance of her awareness meant the disappearance of the last vestiges of the experience of her mental identity. The awareness had at least held a location for a "self" albeit a distant one. In the dissipation of the awareness, there was no more experience of a "self" at all. The experience of personal identity switched off and was never to appear again.

Over time, her gaze changed, her perception, her facial structure, the tone of her voice and her posture, all have changed. It feels like she's a foreigner in a familiar body. It's like she's an abstract identity that has been embedded into her mind, and all she has access to is memories of the past that make her feel relevant to the people and life events around her.

She tried to get help from her friends and family but none of them could ever relate to her case. People's unfamiliarity with her case has made it evolve even more. And in the same way she felt like a foreigner within her own body, she felt like a foreigner to her friends and family.

Her relationships became nothing more than thoughts resonating in her head. Her parents were not her parents, despite all the memories they had. Her lover was not her lover, although his marks were still on her skin. She woke up everyday with the realization that she's alone. Until one day, it stopped.

Her sense of self changed from being an opaque, rigid ever-present entity to a transparent, elastic, vibratory wave. Her morning changed from being a waking-call of confusion to being a waking-call of despair.

Whenever someone called her by her name, whenever she wrote her name on paper, and whenever someone pointed at her face; she used to get striked by the realization that no one is inside. She would look at her name on the paper and her mind would drown in perplexity. The name referred to no one. There is an inward-turn that happens when the brain searches for internal information, whether about feelings or thoughts or connection to a name or inner experience of any kind. Without a mental identity, the internal dimensions of herself simply did not exist. The inward-turning motion of the mind became the most bizarre of experiences over time, it found total emptiness where it had previously found an object to perceive, a mental identity of which she used to feel so full. Her new self was gone just like the initial one, except that it's never coming back.

Her mind kept trying to make sense out of what's happening to her. But no matter how profound the conclusions were, and how many scientific hypothesis it came up with, it was never enough to reassure her. And she continued to live with this emptiness. Every once in a while, going out on the streets with an internal uproar, wailing and screaming in her mind, hoping that she would finally find herself. But that never happened.

— Y.A.

1 note · View note

imagine-loki · 4 years

Text

Pride and Prejudice

TITLE: Pride and Prejudice CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 35 AUTHOR: wolfpawn

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki was raised on Jotunheim as Laufey’s son after the war, but an agreement was then made that he would wed Odin’s daughter so Odin could secure the alliance of Jotunheim through the marriage. Loki, in turn, was raised to be king of Jotunheim, but how he views Asgard is far different from how Odin’s daughter is raised leading to a clash of cultures as well as uncertainty between the pair of betrothed youths. RATING: Mature NOTES/WARNINGS: Forced Marriage, not all fun and games. My first real step back into the Loki scene in over a year.

Tags - @skulliebythesea @asimovethroughthisworld @blackcherry26-blog @we-shadowhunter2901

“You will be staying here.” The mere manner in which Loki spoke those words told all present there would be no negotiation with regards the matter. The fear and horror in his eyes only added to it.

Thor looked between his sister and her husband, concerned by the manner in which Loki spoke, not as though he was making an order simply because she was a woman but because of the manner in which he said it showed genuine fear. Before anyone could say anything else, he decided to speak, noting the odd look in Ella’s eyes telling him that she needed to speak with him. “Ella, I must speak with you with regards to something Mother gave to me to give to you.” He eyed Loki as he stated it. "In private."

“Very well, but only for a moment, I need to speak with Loki before he goes too.” Ella indicated to a small side room. “Did she even give you something?”

“Yes, this letter.” Thor handed her the piece of paper, folded and sealed with his mother’s magic. “What is afoot here?” “Too much to explain now but the short version there has been a slight issue with the eldest Laufeyson, Byleistr, who has taken a mate that is socially, though not strictly, out of bounds and has been sent to a far corner of the realm to quell unrest there but if I am honest, this news seems more unsettling now.” “How is something like taking a mate socially but not strictly out of bounds?”

“Focus Thor, time is of the essence.”

Thor forced his thoughts of the matter from the forefront of his mind. “Do you think him to be part of it?” “I don’t know but we cannot rule it out.” “He would hardly do something to his own brothers.” “He took the love of one, so I would not put much past him.” Ella wandered over to a table that had an ice vase on it and in it, some of her favourite ice flowers. “Jotunheim is at a delicate stage. It is growing well but the growth could so easily cease if the current path is altered. Loki is seen as integral to this growth, now he and Helbindi will be gone and I worry what this will mean. Most know that his part in the realm’s growth is through the arrangements made with Asgard, something that has its objectors, so with him on a battlefield, it would not be too hard to make his end seem so tragic and him to be nothing more than a tragic casualty of war, Helbindi too. They are not hardened and experienced soldiers, it would seem logical that come a large battle, they could be two to high status kills that could easily occur. That leaves me, here, on the realm of the now enemy of Asgard again. A bargaining chip at best, or a loose end in need to tidying up, guaranteeing Loki’s line is demolished, no contenders, no competition.” She toyed with one of the flowers as she spoke, feeling the petals as she explained to her brother the concerns that she now had.

“Would the realm turn so easy?” “You came here, you demanded they come and fight by Asgard’s side. If they were to be slain, you would have cost the realm two of its princes. For Asgard’s actions, in their grief, even those who would rather Loki on the throne, who are happy with this alliance, they would see it as justice, until they mourn as one should and they realise it is wrong but my head and body would long have parted ways by then and there are a lot of spells for a lot of things but I never found one to reverse that.” She ceased toying with the flowers and turned to face Thor again. “Do I think that Byleistr is indeed doing this? No. But…” “There is a chance.” Thor finished her sentence for her. “Father always said it, to assume every scenario, especially the worst and prepare for it, so that should we be misfortunate enough to encounter it, we are prepared.” He looked at the vase his sister had been by, it’s flowers glistening in the bright sun. “So prepared we shall be.”

“Protect them, Thor. They don’t know how to fight as you do. You court danger, to a foolish degree but they have not seen fighting as you have. I rarely fear for you now. You have seen war, it almost seems to be your element, they merely lived in the result of it. The training they do is practical but not moulded by experience,” Ella pleaded. Thor swore to her that he would.

* Ella watched as Loki readied in his rooms, the etched skin of his back catching her attention as he did.

Loki, sensing he was no longer alone, turned to see her behind him. “That letter needed a lot of explaining.”

Ella could hear hurt in his voice. “I was catching Thor up on a few matters of importance.” “You thought it more important to tell him than to speak with me?” Loki growled. “Was there even a letter?” “Yes.” She held up the letter in question, her mother’s seal clear to see on it. “But it was more complex than that. I could not discuss this with only the two of you at once.” “Why?” “I am worried as to your reaction.”

“The reason I said that you were to stay in the hall…” Loki began.

“You do not need to explain that to me, I know you think me unable to fight.” “It is not that.” Loki walked forward. “I am very much depending on you making good on your statements as to your ability.” Ella frowned. “Then, why?” “If we fail, as well we could, I need you to be here, to try and hold the palace long enough to make sure you do something for me.” “What?” Ella was fearful of what Loki was asking of her.

Loki looked around for a moment.

“I soundproofed this room, I told you that already.”

Loki inhaled. “If we fail, if it happens that they take Jotunheim, I know you can escape, I trust you to, I want you to. But only if you do something for me first.” “What? I am not agreeing to it unless you tell me what it is,” She insisted.

Loki inhaled. “I need you to ensure my father’s death is painless.” Ella’s eyes widened. “You’re not stupid, you know what will happen if an enemy were to get to him.”

Ella nodded as she felt an immense tightness in her throat. She knew what happened many monarchs on different realms that were overthrown. They suffered terrible deaths and their bodies used to mock them and their people. She knew that her parents would rather fight to their deaths but that age had taken their ability to do so with any sort of honour from at least her father, so she knew of the potion her mother had that would end it, should such a time come and set their bodies alight to join those in Valhalla. “I don’t want to but, yes.”

“I can assure you, I don’t want you to either but I know you would do it with honour.” “There is no honour in killing old sick men.” She paused, wondering if she should mention to Loki the conversation she had with Thor.

Loki studied her. “You’re apprehensive.” “I worry as to how you will take what I wish to say.”

“You never lie to me, please continue that tradition.” “I worry. You and Helbindi will go to this battle, Byleistr is not currently available, what occurs when he does become so and most importantly, is his loyal?” “You question his loyalty?” “You don’t?”

Loki licked his teeth. “I do not think he would but I can see your reason for thinking so.” He sighed before leaning forward slightly. “If it comes to pass, if he returns here and is not our ally…” “I will have two blades ready for him and they will find purchase in him as they did in the ice statue,” She swore.

“While I do not doubt that, know that I expect you to survive this. If all comes falling down, flee.”

“Why, is there a place you think to meet me?”

“Nowhere.” “That is an actual place.”

“If they get to Jotunheim, it is only because I am dead and not a moment before,” Loki assured her. He could see her feel uncomfortable at such an idea. "It will surely be fine. I fully intend not to die."

"Good, you have so much yet to achieve. Jotunheim needs you as its king. You will be the one to bring it into its prosperous future."

Loki smiled at the confidence she had in his part in his realm. "Ella?" She gave him her full attention. "Is it wrong to admit I am fearful?"

"Of battle?" He nodded. "Wrong? Absolutely not, you would be mad were you to think anything other than fear. War is not a game. It's not some silly exercise after which all return home as though nothing happened. Many will not return and many more will return either without some part of body or mind and perhaps missing a bit of both." She walked over to him. "Please, please return."

"I will endeavour to do so." He gave a small smile. "If only to irk you further."

Ella scoffed playfully. "Well, we all have prices we are required to pay in this life." She smiled for a moment before becoming serious once more. "Promise me that if Thor goes berserk, you keep out of his way and never attempt to engage him."

"How…?"

"Do not look at him, whatever you do, stay behind him, encourage him towards the enemy and under no circumstances, do you or any of the Jotnar look him in the eye or engage him. He will not be reasoned with and you will not win such an altercation, do I make myself clear?"

"Yes."

"Tell Helbindi and have all Jotnar informed. If he lands near them whilst in it, snorting like a bull or boar, simply keep looking at the ground and he should not see any as a threat. Don't do anything foolish. He's an idiot at the best of times, there's little difference between when he is fully cognitive and when he is Berserk but there is a difference, so don't risk it."

"I will relay the message," He promised. "Don't let any disrespect you in my absence."

Ella scoffed. "They will soon learn not to if they try." She gave a small smile. "Loki…"

The sharp knock on the door brought them out of their conversation and back into the harsh reality of what was occurring. A moment later, Arden entered. "I fear it is time to depart."

"Then we best do so. I fear I dallied speaking with my mate so my attire is…" He looked down to see light armour and regal trimmings in him, the last of Ella's seidr glowing away as he did so. He looked at her again as she eyed the armour, ensuring its strength. "Thank you."

"I just wish for you to be safe."

Loki nodded and turned to face the door. "We will be. This will be over soon. Asgard, Alfheim, what stands strong of it, Vanaheim, Jotunheim, it is a powerful alliance, we will persevere, wait and see."

"I know but I will fret regardless." Sadly Ella walked beside Loki as they left the room.

They joined those gathered in the hall of the palace, Laufey, weary and worried looking. When he saw his middle son and his mate coming towards him, he gave a small nod. “War is not something I wish for you to experience, it is not something anyone should but it is the situation that is occurring now. I wish I could go in your stead and not subject either of you to the brutality of it but we need to protect Jotunheim, if Alfheim falls, we fall.” Loki nodded at his father’s words. “I am sorry.” Feeling weak and sorrowful, Laufey stumbled slightly. Luckily, Thor and Helbindi were close enough to steady him.

“Father, we will be fine, go back to your rooms and rest,” Loki suggested.

“No, I…”

“Ella,” Thor gave his sister a slight nod after calling her.

Smiling slightly, she used her seidr to create a chair of an adequate size for Laufey. “My King, please.”

Satisfied, Laufey nodded and place himself as best he could in the chair to see off his sons. “Better.” He sighed.

“Just rest, Father. We will be home in very little time.” Helbindi promised, though there was a slight fear in his eyes.

“Yes.” Laufey nodded solemnly.

“Heimdall,” Thor bellowed out, startling many around him. “Five minutes.”

“We best get to the army then,” Loki ordered. He turned to look at Ella one last time. “Be safe.” “You’re the one going into a war, I should be saying that to you.” She leant up and kissed his cheek. “Just come back.”

She walked over to Thor and leant up slightly and did the same. “Don’t be too stupid.”

“You always say that.” “And you always come back, so I am not changing it now.”

She stepped back to let them leave before noticing Helbindi standing to the side with a facial expression that made her laugh. “Are you feeling a little left out?” “I feel somewhat so, yes.” He confessed.

Laughing slightly she walked over and he bent down enough for her to give him one as well.

With that done, the men went towards where Heimdall would transport them. As soon as they left the hallway, Ella used her seidr to move herself and Laufey to a balcony overlooking them.

“That is a very useful ability,” Laufey commented.

“I thankfully use it more for convenience than anything but it can come in handy in many ways.”

“Has my son made you promise to dispose of me if this all fails?” Ella looked at him solemnly. “Good, it saves time to have it arranged in advance.” There was genuine relief in his voice.

“It will not come to that.” “I hope not, for all of us.”

#loki #other #submission #Submitted fic #chapter 35 #wolfpawn #Pride and Prejudice

71 notes · View notes

gofancyninjaworld · 5 years

Text

Real Monsters Don’t Cry

(first published on Reddit in 2018)

<20 at end in bold

Why Don’t You Just Go Monster?

The way Bug God described being a monster to Garou, it was abandoning humanity. Why would anybody do that?

Truthfully, humanity sucks. It's full of expectations, obligations, set backs and just plain boredom. For a fantasy world, OPM is very hum-drum and day to day, showing people struggling with all the social expectations and challenges of being a regular person.

Is there any way out? Many. Turning into a monster may be the shittiest and most drastic way to avoid dealing, but it's got its upsides. You'd expect that becoming a monster would be filled with horror at the transformation, physical pain and self-loathing.

Anything but.

The single most dramatic picture for me has to be Choze's description of what becoming a monster feels like. No doubt about it: becoming a monster feels AWESOME. While it's as a result of the monster cells, it's interesting to note that every last newly transformed monster we see so far, even if spontaneous has a similar reaction: joy.

Like the best high ever, with no hangover.

Monsters don't suffer.

No doubts, no obligations, no ties, no need to worry about what you'll do for food, clothing, accommodation, family, debts, all gone. The negative emotions, the anger, the unsatisfied needs, the self-loathing, the inferiority complexes that typify the person on the path to spontaneously becoming a monster all go. You're just free to indulge in all the things you most like. Regardless of their actual power, most monsters have this crazy over-inflated sense of their own power. For the first time in many of their lives, these individuals get to feel puissant, in control and happy. Depression? Disappointment? Internally conflicted? Love-lorn? Grief stricken? Becoming a monster wipes every tear away. You'll be a monster and you'll *love* destroying anyone who even thinks of frustrating you in any way.

Some ex-people lose their minds altogether and become wild beasts. Some ex-people run amok for a bit and then hedonic adaptation kicks in and they are more or less rational. It's quite the thing to see a scaly fish-thing monster able to read newspapers and carry on a conversation. Even those that become like wild animals are still intelligent enough to understand abstract language and follow complex instructions. And the most strong-willed manage to more or less hang on to the appearance of humanity, all while being absolute monsters. But make no mistake, however human the exterior, they are utterly monstrous and a true enemy to humanity.

Of course, there are downsides.

Heroes may be the bane of a monster's life, but monsters are about as afraid of death as a dog is. As in if there's an immediate threat, sure they really don't want to die, but death as an abstract concept is one that has no power compared to getting what they want, now. That's why Watchdogman and Saitama have never, ever made the slightest dent in the amount of monsters appearing in City Q and Z respectively, despite their awesome monster-destroying capacity.

Monsters lose their capacity for empathy for others, to care or be concerned for the well-being of anyone other than themselves. Putting oneself out for the sake of another? Forget it!

Monsters appear to lose at least some of their capacity for executive function. Gyoro-Gyoro remarks as much when she mentions that it's quite common for a monster's intelligence to deteriorate. https://readms.net/r/onepunch_man/092/5102/5

Even where they don't cognitively degrade, they're still not the same. Consider Orochi, Gyoro-Gyoro's 'great success'. There's no way as a human being that he spent most of his time just sitting like a crocodile on a riverbank, waiting for some stimulus to come his way. Watching the monster ninjas throw away their hard-won ninja skills in favour of the expediency of charging forward with power and speed is to see the impulsiveness and failure to think ahead typical of monsters.

Even Garou is not immune to this. You could see the change in Garou once he decided to transform himself into an unfair being and embraced becoming a monster. He became huge. Instead of his creativity and adaptability, he used mere power. Instead of his quick-wittedness, he could barely speak, seeming to struggle to clearly articulate thoughts. It's not until Saitama beat it out of him that he started being able to think clearly again. It is a good thing that he still had his human core left: what peek we had at the monster he'd have become was quite sad.

If Gyoro-Gyoro seems to be an exception to the rule, that's because she's not a monster, but a human being masquerading as one. Trust the most dangerous threat to humanity to be a human being.

The monster that made me sad was Tongue Stretcher. At the end of the volume, when he and the other low-level monsters were being taken away and every monster there was impressed that he'd been defeated by King. The last thing we see him thinking is 'this feels sorta nice.' That's what he really wanted in life -- a bit of validation. Only... he turned inwards and obsessed about reptiles to avoid having to face his problems and overcome them. And, the narrator says, none of those monsters ever saw light of day again.

Ultimately, if there's a lesson to be drawn from this, the story isn't arguing that suffering is good or that life is going to be fair or just. It's not arguing that people should accept what is not good in their lives. But it seems to be arguing that the removal of suffering is monstrous, that prioritising individual fulfilment above all else turns one into something cruel, unsympathetic and destructive.

<20: To be a monster is to cease suffering. At the price of being too dangerous to be left alive.

#OPM #meta #monsters #webcomic spoilers #world building

48 notes · View notes