#all my Taylor merch is at home I’m SAD

[1-800-iluvhockey]

closure - (b.brisson’s version)

summary - brendan signs for the nhl, and leaves his love behind, but he tries to give her some closure…..

type - blurb?? based on closure by tswift (lyrics italicized & bold) & (lower case intended)

warnings - none? a little sad but not much…. </3

she’s not just a

wrinkle in your new life

he knew that it was going to come, and he didn’t want it to happen. y/n was the best thing that happened to him during his time playing for the university of michigan. he wasn’t looking for anyone, but that is the best type of love…. the ones that you don’t look for. walking into his life during the middle of the first semester of his freshman year (after the covid restrictions started to loosen up), she changed his life for the better. It took him a while to pursue her, as he wanted to party and not be tied down, but bords talked some sense into him since brendan wouldn’t shut up about her.

“go talk to her! I’m sick and tired of you saying all of these things about her, and then you won’t even try to ask her out!” bords told him as they walked into a shared class that they had with her.

“bords, she is too good for me, and when we sign to the nhl…. I don’t want to be tied down or crush a girl's heart before I leave.” brendan told his best friend seriously. but man, she was perfect, and all that he wanted.

thom just gave him a short look before the professor started class, he took out a pen & piece of paper and wrote: “you’ve got time, brisson. go for it”

brendan gave him a look and wrote: “fine, but if I get rejected….. I am blaming you!”

—

during his next class of the day, brendan sat next to the beautiful girl, he had shown up early and she took the seat next to him, smiling as she did. she was eating lucky charms cereal as a snack (and it was so cute) as she studied for the quiz. to make conversation, he quickly scanned her things, and then he saw her computer case, which prompted him to start talking to her.

“so uh— hockey and taylor swift? great combo.” brendan told her as they waited for class to start. he was terrified as he said that, hoping it would prompt a conversation rather than just being weird.

y/n looked up from her notes and started blushing. “yeah— they are my favorites. wait! you are brendan brisson, right?”

“yeah! nice to finally meet you, y/n.” he tells her, shaking her hand.

“CAN’T believe that you are complimenting my choices when you're the hockey star himself.” she tells him jokingly.

he smiles and replies “I am just an average guy with a big ego.”

“I don’t think you have a big ego, you’re a good player, I— uh- I watched team usa when you were on the team.” she told him, sheepishly, facing his direction and moving her computer.

he does the same, facing his body in front of hers in his chair, his knees touching hers. “oh realllyyyy.” he tells her singy song like as she blushed more.

“never said I was a fan of yours, brisson.” she told him snarkily back, hitting her knees against his.

“but you should be, we have a home game on friday and saturday. you should come!” he told her enthusiastically, and she blushes a little.

“oh-- I don't know briss, I don’t have any friends who like hockey and I don’t have any umich hockey merch. I’d look so out of place!” y/n nervously said, not making eye contact with brendan. the professor was about to start class, meaning he had limited time to try and convince her to go.

“I can let you borrow some of my merch, l/n, and my friends have some girlfriends that I think you know, like audrey?” he asked her softly since the professor started to quiet everyone down for the quiz.

y/n’s eyes lit up at that, and that’s when he knew that she’d say yes. she pulled out a bright yellow sticky note and wrote something quickly, since they couldn’t talk out loud at the moment because the quiz was about to start.

the note said in curly handwriting: “you win brisson. here is my number and I’ll see you at the game. or maybe after?”

xx - y/n

—

that started the friendship turned relationship of brendan & y/n. a year n a half later & y/n was the one thing in his life that made him feel love. feel the true love of someone who isn’t interested in him for his looks, or hockey. y/n was compassionate in her words and actions, supportive & loving of him and his passions. she was everything and more, but he knew that she couldn’t stay with him. she deserved better, so he decided to write a letter. vegas contacted him while they played minnesota before the games in allentown. he knew what he needed to do, as much as he wanted to live in his bubble at umich. so, when y/n came to pa, and watched him play….. he knew that he had to break it to her soon. she was just so happy for him, he could see her eyes brighten every time he scored, or when they won. she was ecstatic, she was the best he’d ever have. but he knew it wouldn’t last (but also knew that he would get her back soon, hopefully) so in boston, he had to let her know. he could have planned it out better, he could have fought for her, he could have made it work. but he knew, and even all the guys, especially owen told him…. she’d come back when the time was right. so, that night before the quarterfinal of the frozen four, he wrote her a letter.

a letter to give her closure.

the way it all went down

y/n/n,

if you’re reading this, that means umich’s time in the frozen four is over, win or lose… it was the best season; because I had you. I want to start this off by saying that I fucking love you to the ends of the universe and I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted to willingly leave you behind. I never planned on falling so hard for you, or falling in love with you. you mean everything and more to me, and that’s why I can’t have you anymore. vegas called me, and I’m signing as you read this. I hope you understand and don’t resent me for it, because I wanted my last full memories with you at umich, and not you pushing me to go to vegas, or yelling at me to stay (as much as I wanted to) but I wanted the memory to be the core thing to keep me going until I see you again. I’m doing this not only for myself, but for us, baby. this isn’t a break up letter, this is closure so we can start the next chapter of our lives, together, soon. I’m signing with the henderson ahl squad, but you know me, I’ll be in the nhl in a blink. I want you there by my side, you have such an impact on my life, y/n l/n. I love you and call me when you land if you don’t resent me too much, I’ll be on the other line, waiting for your call. whether it's right when you land, or weeks after. I want your answer to my closure, I want you with me in vegas.

xx - yours, brendan <3

—

yes I got your letter

yes I’m doing better

it hurt deep to know you

right to the bone

her heart broke in half on that plane. she wanted to be there for him, and couldn’t. she didn’t need his closure, but she was glad that he did. she was happy for him, and all she wanted was the semester to be over so she could go to vegas. but she knew that even though he didn’t act like it, he needed time, time to be alone without her for a while. now what does a while mean? could be days, could be weeks, could be months. she called him back a week later, and decided to tell him that they were more than just friends, but she wasn’t his girlfriend anymore until she could come to vegas. that was the deal she made with herself, and that was the deal he agreed to even though it hurt him right to the bone.

—

staying friends

would it iron out so nice

his ahl career was short lived, and he signed to the nhl on the last week before the playoffs, which vegas did not make. meaning brendan would go home, and y/n would fly back to nova scotia to visit her parents. it was a cruel summer, being spent apart from one another, but it was good, good as one could get without spending that time with the love of their life. cliche, but true.

—

guilty, guilty reaching across the sea

that you put between you and me

summer came and went, little to no contact because of their schedules, but the new season of life was coming up. brendan’s debut was coming soon, and y/n’s junior year. middle of september came, and the umich season started, as well as the talks for the new rookie on the golden knights to debut. brendan convinced his head coach to let him wait until they played a closer team to debut, but the closest he could get was boston. the fateful place of where he last played as a ncaa player, the last time he played in front of her. when y/n heard the news of his debut coming to boston, she told her professors to help get her caught up, and she left as fast as she could. luckily it was on a friday, and she made it in time; wearing the same outfit as the last time she was in that arena for the frozen four. he had no clue she was coming, and she didn’t tell anyone until she called bords (in bold)

“il est là, juste devant moi. je suis gelé thom.” (he is here, right in front of me, I am frozen thom.)

“hé, hé, ça va aller. laissez-le vous voir. allez à votre siège, ou au verre. s'il te plaît?” (hey, hey, it’s going to be okay. go to your seat, or to the glass, okay?)

“d'accord d'accord! je suis tellement nerveux thom. et s'il ne veut pas de moi ici ? ça fait tellement longtemps.” (alright alright! im so nervous thom. what if he doesn’t want me here? it’s been so long.)

“il te veut là-bas, il est perdu sans toi, ma chérie. fais-toi connaître, je te promets que tout ira bien.” (he wants you there, he is lost without you, darling. make yourself known to him, I promise it will be okay.)

“merci thom, au revoir.” (thank you thom, goodbye.)

“j’taime!” ( love you!)

—

she walked down to the ice slowly, standing by the corner of the glass like she always did during his games, waiting for him to circle near her and touch his glove to the glass. it was a little pre warm up ritual that they did once they started dating, but really since the first game that she went to. so she waited, and then the lights dimmed, and she got her phone out to secretly record the rookie lap. he was graceful, and just like she remembered him. he was perfect, the lap was perfect. she put the phone down as the lights turned back on, and warm ups started. now, she waited to see if he saw her in the corner, the corner that haunted her memory.

he didn’t notice her at first, his mind was so consumed with not tripping and falling on the ice that he didn’t even look up to see the corner that she’d normally stand in, at every rink that she’d travel to for him. he wanted her there so bad, and was secretly hoping that she would be in that corner, and not back in michigan where she probably was. after his rookie lap, he went to the bench to tie his skates, check his tape…. and write y/n on the top of his handle tape. like he had done before every game, since he invited her. he always did it on the bench during it, so he could take that time to scan for her in the crowd, and that’s when she started to be in the corner. his eyes scanned the arena, and when he hit the corner she would stand in at every game (home or away), the arena went quiet, and his heart stopped.

standing there in the corner, holding up a “brendan brisson’s lucky charm” sign, with little hearts, his new number #24, and the lucky charm box cut out attached to the cute handwritten sign; was the love of his life, his y/n. she was wearing the same outfit as he last saw her in, in the same arena. she was stunning, and he fell in love with her all over again…….

she didn’t see him skate up to her at first, because she was scanning the room to see where he had gone. but her heart stopped when she locked eyes with him. the boy she fell in love with, the boy who would take her on ice cream dates and distract her from her homework, the party animal and best dancer around, the one that hurt her heart when he wanted closure…… was skating straight towards her.

the pair smiled at each other, and he touched his hand on the glass. she showed him the sign, and then made a “wait” motion with her free hand, and turned the sign around.

yes I got your letter

yes I’m doing better

but I don’t need your closure

when all I want is right in front of me

happy debut babe, j’taime <3

#vegaswithyou?

his heart soared, and he felt all of the emotions he could ever want to feel all at the same time. he drew a heart on the glass and skated away, with the biggest grin on his face.

that night he got his first nhl game, his first nhl goal / point, and the love of his life back. and he was so thankful that he could get closure, and now start a new chapter of his life, with the same girl on his side.

—

abbster’s taglist: @hockeyboysarehot @hockey-lover86 @hockey-lover-22 @erikports @pulpfixion @studsccsnackavoybambi @boeswhore @jamiedryzdale @owenpowersglasses @huggybug @pierrelucduboiis @calermakar08 @dylandukerr @the-stars-shine-above-us @dracoswhore007 @lwstuff @njdhischier & whoever else! (it wouldn’t load completely so sorry if I missed you <3)

#1 800 iluvhockey blurbs #abbster’s special (divorced parents) edition #brendan brisson #closure blurb / fic #brendan brisson x reader #brendan brisson one shot #nhl blurbs #umich blurbs

[harryskalechips]

Illicit affairs Part two

A/N Hi here is part two!!! I’m sorry for it being so delayed I’ve been busy taking care of my new sick puppy. I hope you enjoy this one! Please show some love and send me your thoughts hahaha enjoy ❤︎

Y/N and Harry decide to end their affair and she thought it would be okay since her internship was ending. Too bad she was offered a permanent job and she took it. 

Tw: Cheating, smut

Thank you @harrysleftchelseaboot for letting me participate in your writing challenge! Here is my part two! Any new writers or readers please check out the masterlist! So many cool stories written from prompts!

here are my prompts:

“Letting you go was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

“Do you think soulmates are real?”

“I still love you. I’ll love you for the rest of my life. Even if you don’t love me back, and even if we both move on, there will always be a part of me that will always love you no matter what.” 

“Your hands look so cold.”

Note: I do not condone cheating whatsoever! Please mind that this story is fictional! As much as it makes me sad to paint Harry as a cheater, it’s part of this storyline I thought of as I listened to Taylor’s album, Folklore.

Word count: 8.6k / Masterlist // Part 1

It’s been three months since Y/N accepted her job in marketing for Columbia Records. It wasn’t too bad. Matter of fact, it’s been the only thing that has been distracting her since her breakup last year. She got her own office and had a bit of privacy too. Luckily, she was no longer sorting papers on a tiny desk in the middle of the hallway nor was she on coffee runs every morning. The only thing that seemed to stick, however, was seeing Harry Styles. 

When Rose, Rob’s assistant called her three years ago about the internship Y/N was ecstatic. Not only was this an opportunity to go celebrity sightseeing every day but this company gave people like her great opportunities and a great recommendation too. There was no possible way that she could turn down Rob’s offer. She’s been dreaming of a career like this for years! 

What truly sucked about her job at the moment, however, was the pop star, her marketing team was taking care of. Over these past months, not only was he able to ignore her presence, he became a bit of an ass too! Maybe that’s not even the right word to use…. He was being petty! That’s what Y/N thinks. To be honest, during the countless meetings they had over these past months Y/N would drain him out.  As he spoke all she could do was repeat that word in her head as she mimicked his British accent. But can you blame her? They were together for a year and he constantly led her on. She fell in love with a married man who promised that he cared for her. She found herself compromising a lot of things in their relationship that she shouldn’t have needed too. Not only was she twisting her values for him, but she was also forced to take the second bits of him. 

On her birthday, he arrived late at night because he and his wife had an interview with Vogue. He bought her a necklace and made love to her a countless amount of times but the next morning... he was gone. 

there would be times, he wasn’t able to spend time with her since he was in London with his family. Yes, he video-called her and made sure to speak to her for a reasonable amount of time but he also went M.I.A for another two days. 

The last example she could think of at the top of her head was when everyone had a date at their company’s charity ball. She had to witness Harry and his wife put on a show for the cameras. He looked at his wife as if she was his star and touched her like he’s been doing it for years. The whole night, he had his arm wrapped around her, constantly keeping her close. The only problem is in reality he’s been acting like that with Y/N -not her. 

So yeah although she broke up with him -she was angry. Yes, she said they shouldn’t keep in touch but she thought she was leaving the company! Now, he’s acting as if he never spent a night at her place, fucking her. He’s been acting as if he never had a meal with her nor snuggled her on the couch. He’s cold and she hates him for that. Not only was this hurting her, but she also loved him! And for that...he’s cruel. She can’t even remember how many times she had to run to the washroom during work so she could cry in one of the stalls. Sometimes, she felt like he was purposely picking on her. Calling her out for her mistakes or for her lack of attention. She was new to everything and she was still learning. She just never thought the man she shared her bed and her secrets with would be so indifferent. That’s why she calls him petty.

“Y/N? I’m heading out. Want me to get you some food?” Marissa asks her as they sit in the boardroom with Harry. Their meeting ended a while ago but they decided to work through lunch since Mr. Celebrity wanted to fix a few things with them.

 “No, I’m alright.” She looks up from her paper as she replies. She notices Harry in front of her leaning on the table as he hunches over flipping through a few papers.

“Are you sure?” Her co-worker frowns as she leans across the doorway. “You haven’t eaten yet?”

“Marissa, buy her some food.” Harry interrupts Y/N before she can speak up. He stands a bit straighter as he reaches down to grab his wallet. He pulls out a black card and gives it to the girl. 

“Oh.” Marissa’s eyes widen as she stares at the card in her hand. “Would you like anything?”

“No, buy for yourself too. This one’s on me.” He nonchalantly replies as he goes back in his old position to read through the contracts.

 Marissa was confused if she was being honest. She worked for Harry’s marketing team ever since he started going solo. She loved working for him because he was outgoing and respectful but for the past few months, he seemed to be too serious and a bit pissier. Maybe it had to be because of his wife? Little did she know it was because of the girl who was sitting a few feet from him. 

When she left, Y/N choked. It wasn’t noticeable but she could feel her throat tightening. She has never been left in a room with him since their unbearable breakup. Funny enough, although the company celebrated her new job, Harry mindlessly ignored the event. He came to the party but he never congratulated her. So from that, Y/N knew he was far more than upset about their breakup. He was being salty.

“Y/N,” Harry speaks up as he walks towards her with the contracts in his hand. Y/N didn’t even want to look up. Was he speaking to her for the first time...again?

“Yeah?” She replies, trying not to make her wobbly voice sound apparent. 

“What do you mean about this part of the contract?” Harry coldly asks as he puts the paper in front of her face.

“I’m not sure. Marissa wrote the contract. I worked with Yvonne on your merch shop.” Y/N replies in a monotone manner. 

“How are you not sure? You didn’t even look at the paper.” She can almost hear a sigh under his breath. Y/N finally looks up and glares at him. She takes the sheet out of his hand and reads the new highlight from his pink pen. 

“I don’t know, Harry.” She gives it back to him and continues to work on her list without saying another word. She didn’t want to look up again because she could already feel his eyes staring at her. He somehow always loved to do it. “Stop looking at me.” She blurts out. She and Harry weren’t expecting her to say that. He awkwardly coughs as he runs his hand through his hair. He walks back to his usual spot in the room and pretends as if nothing happened. In reality, however, his heart was racing. Although he was so pissed at her, she looked pretty today.

~

“Have you ever been on a date before?” Marissa asks Y/N as they walk out of her office together. Y/N wasn’t going to lie. She’s pretty lucky that she became close friends with Marissa. Now, they have a routine of picking each other up from their offices. It made her feel a bit less lonely since she sees her ex every day and he gives her nothing but a cold treatment. It’s a bit ironic how a few months back, her heart would flutter when he visited the building. Now, she sees him a bit too often for their liking.

“Yeah.” Y/N shrugs her shoulders and gives a funny look to her co-worker. “Why are you asking?”

“I don’t know you never talk about your love life. I always talk about my husband but I never heard anything coming from you. I know you like to have privacy but I was wondering.”

“It’s complicated.” She lets out a laugh. “I broke up with him two months ago.” 

“Who was he?” Marissa smiles as her mouth opens in shock.

“A liar.”

“What did he do?”

“All men are the sam-”

“Have a good night, ladies.” A voice interrupts them. The women stop walking as they catch sight of Rob and Harry looking at the contracts they were previously working on earlier in the day. They sat on one of the many couches with many papers sprawled out onto the coffee table.

“Gosh Rob, you gave us a fright!” Marissa laughs. “Sill looking at those papers? Call me tomorrow if anything needs changing.” Marissa rolls her eyes as she smiles at them.

“Don’t worry.” Rob laughs. “Mr. Styles here is just going through the contracts with me one more time. You girls go home.” 

“Alright, hope you and Harry have a good night too.” Y/N says nothing but waves as she follows Marissa to the elevator.

“Wait!” The familiar voice calls for them. Y/N and her co-worker turn around to see Harry still sitting on the couch looking at them. “Y/N, just because he lied to you. It doesn’t mean he wanted to lose you.”

 ~

You would think that Y/N repaired herself and became more comfortable working with her ex after that last encounter with him…. But no, wrong. In fact, she was dreading going into work today. How does this man ignore her for two months and then suddenly, he’s acknowledging her presence?

“You know what I find funny?” Marissa blurts out. Their marketing team had a conference room for themselves apart from the other room they were in yesterday. Yvonne and Jasmine look at her, waiting for her to reply while Y/N slouched in her chair out of distress. “Harry’s been a total ass to you ever since you got a job here.” She wasn’t lying, the whole office knew Harry was extra hard on her. “It got me thinking… why did he say that to you yesterday?”

“What did he say?” Yvonne gives a confused look to Y/N. Y/N just closes her eyes and turns her chair away from her colleagues and instead, to the wall.

“He said something like oh just because your ex-boyfriend lied to you, it doesn’t mean he wanted to lose you.” Marissa mimics his deep British voice. “Who on earth says that! And you guys barely speak to each other? How could he possibly know about him?”

“Wait a minute. Is he like siding with Y/N’s ex?” Jasmine’s eyes widen at the thought. “If her boyfriend lied then it is his fault!”“

Right I-” Before Marissa can continue. Y/N turns her chair towards them again and interrupts their juicy gossip. 

“Guys!” Y/N calls them out. “It’s not a big problem. H-he has probably been in a relationship where he was in that position and he said that.” She tries to reason with her hands. “J-just let it go.”

 “Oh shit, I forgot. Your breakup is still fresh.” Marissa covers her mouth in pity. And this is a reason why Y/N will never talk about her love life again.

“Excuse me, girls.” Rob knocks on the door and lets himself in. “I need one of you to go with Harry tomorrow back to London for his interview.”

“Rob, why’d you let us know so late?” Yvonne complains. “I would go but my sister’s wedding is tomorrow!”

“I’m sorry hun, I thought he would just need someone from publicity but it seems like he also has a pop-up shop there opening soon.”

“I can’t.” Jasmine shrugs her shoulders. She doesn’t even bother saying why. Y/N knew she had to say it before Marissa. She can’t imagine being on a whole ass trip with her ex. Yet somehow the girl beat her to it.

“I can’t go either. Sorry.” Marissa speaks up. She was planning something. It was obvious from the way her eyes connected with Y/N’s.

“Alright, Y/N please be ready by 4 A.M. Harry will have a driver sent to your place.” Rob looks at her and smiles. “This is going to be a great experience for you.” 

~

Coffee wasn’t going to cut it. Y/N barely got any sleep since she had to pack as soon as she got home. Apparently, they were staying for 5 days so this meant more torture for her. At 4 A.M on the dot, a black car picked her up in front of her building and drove her straight to the airport. There she saw Harry and Emily already sitting in the VIP lounge, laughing about something. 

“Good morning!” Emily says to Y/N as her eyes catch sight of hr entering. Emily was a nice woman from publicity. She’s been working in PR for over 25 years, making her a pro in handling any scenario. 

“Good morning.” Y/N smiles back as she pulls her hand carry with her to one of the seats.“Why are you sitting so far?�� Emily laughs. Harry seemed to be too interested as he read something on his phone. “We don’t bite.”

“Oh no, I’m okay here. Thank you. I just have to stretch my legs.”

“Alright. Well now that you’re here to keep Harry some company, I’m going downstairs to get a bagel.” The old lady stands up and grabs her purse. She waves at them one more time before leaving the room.

Silence. 

Nothing but pure awkwardness and it was driving Y/N mad. She hated that this man was making her cry even though they were over. Maybe, she shouldn’t have stayed with the company.

“They have really good smoothies downstairs.” Harry blurts out, still looking at his screen. “I know you really like having one in the morning. Thought you should know.”

“Thank you.” Y/N was playing with her cuticles but gave him a quick glance. “I’m fine though.” Nothing but distant conversations can be heard as the ex-couple continued to act disinterested in one another.

This is the final call for flight BA111 to Thailand. 

What caught Y/N’s eye, however, was Harry reaching something into his back pocket. It made her have to speak up. “Putting on your ring again? Funny how no one seems to notice how hot and cold you are with it.” Harry scoffs as he stays frozen staring at her.

“None of your business.” He slides the ring on successfully and goes back into his old position.

A brief pause happens before Y/N decides to speak up -she was tired of his attitude. “You know what?” She glances around the empty room before whispering back at him. “I don’t understand what got your panties in such a twist. You need to stop being such a jerk to me!” Harry’s face shows no emotions as he listens to her. 

“You don’t know why? How about out of the blue your girlfriend breaks up with you.”

“It was destined to happen, Harry!” Y/N’s eyes widen at his response. “You’re marr-”

“They had so many bagels to choose from! I had to buy two since I couldn’t pick!” Emily walks in, all innocent. “You guys okay?”

“Perfect,” Harry mutters but it wasn’t. As they boarded his private plane, he watched Y/N walk in front of him, trying to wipe her tears.

~

The whole plane ride was quiet since he realized most of them had to catch some sleep but for some odd reason, he couldn’t. Harry’s bodyguard was at the very front row, snoozing off. Emily had her own chair and she crashed the moment the plane took off. He didn’t know if Y/N was awake but he hoped she was sleeping. When he saw her the first time this morning, she looked so drained out. 

Harry just didn’t know what to say nor what to think. His breakup caught him off guard and now he’s been in a bad mood ever since. Sometimes, he wondered if his divorce would make him feel this way and in all honesty, he knew it wouldn’t. 

There was something still tying him to that depressing marriage and he’s starting to think that maybe Y/N was correct. He was scared to be like his parents but that didn’t make him regret anything he said to her that night. He knew he would keep her a secret even if he was single again. The idea of reporters picking on her didn’t settle well with him. Just the thought made his stomach sick.

 So although he’s heartbroken, the only way he found himself coping was by picking on Y/N. Y’know the girl that broke his heart. He didn’t mean to but his first instinct was to ignore her until her internship ended -And that went well until Rob announced her permanent position in the company. He was mad at her for torturing him. He told himself that he would let her go because she wasn’t happy with him. So why the fuck does it feel like she’s teasing him. 

Every time he walks into those meetings, he can feel the tension between them. It makes his head go crazy as if he needs to beg on his knees so she can take him back. But like every love story, it’s just not that simple. It’s his pride and his reputation on the line. He needs a gap after his divorce before he can even go public with her. Oh, what is he thinking? No matter how much time he thinks can fix this, people will still attack them. He lost so many girlfriends because of his fame and he won’t let Y/N deal with it too. Especially, since she’s not a celebrity. She has no idea what this lifestyle can truly be like.

 ~

“London is quite… big.” Harry puts his shades on as he watches his bodyguard put the last luggage in the car. They were in a hidden corner outside of Heathrow Airport, Y/N and Emily stood next to him as they waited for his instructions. “You ladies can travel and explore the city. But, I was wondering if you would like to stay at my home this week. It will save you some money.”

“Oh no, Harry we don’t want to bo-” Emily speaks up.

“No, I insist. I had to bring you ladies along the last minute. Tom, you have my car ready right?” His bodyguard nods. “Perfect, you girls hop in with me and Tom will drive behind us.”

“Harry, your house is so beautiful.” Emily’s eyes shine as they step out of his car. 

“Thank you.” Harry smiles proudly as he glances at Y/N. “Let’s go inside so you can pick out your rooms.”

The house was gorgeous. Y/N wanted to tell him too but after their little fight at the airport today, she decided to keep her mouth shut. To be honest, there were so many things she wished she could tell him but he’s been acting so unapproachable. 

As they walked inside, the house smelled faintly like him, making Y/N forcefully hold in her breath a couple of times. How can this man barely be here yet the place smelled just like him.

“Oh, Harry…. You and your wife are very lucky to have this house. I love this rustic theme. It feels so homey.” Emily compliments him. “Y/N when you get married, make sure you take care of the decorating portion, so you can have something like this.”

 “Oh-” Y/N’s eyes widen as she hears Harry cough behind her. 

“My wife has actually never been here before. She’s not a fan of London.” Harry tries to say nonchalantly. In reality, however, both of their hearts were racing. Their brains synced up with one another as they thought about a distant memory.

 ~

It was a couple of months into their affair as they cuddled naked against each other in Y/N’s bedroom. The moonlight was shining right onto them as they both stared at random objects in her room, appreciating their intimacy. Harry’s hand comb her hair back while she let her fingers mindlessly trace his tattoos. Their breathing was in sync as they whispered sleepy thoughts to one another.

“What’s it like in London?” Y/N mumbles as her lips touch his chest while she speaks.

“It’s rainy,” Harry replies back. He scoots himself closer to the girl and kisses her forehead. “Have you ever been?”

“No.”

“I’ll bring you one day, I promise.”

“Really?”

“Mhm, I’ll bring you to all my favourite places and fuck you so hard in the hotel rooms.”

 “Why does that sound so appealing?” Y/N laughs as she looks up at him. “Can we go soon?”

“When I find out how to not get seen by the paparazzi, sure.”

“Does this mean we have to have all our meals in our hotel room?” Y/N pouts -because as much as Harry can request a secluded room, he’s still married and people will talk. 

“Baby, don’t make it sound depressing. I’m sure we’ll find ourselves a loophole.”

...

“You’ll try?” She pulls away immediately looking at him. “What do you mean? Have you not been trying to do that these past few months!” He rubs his face in frustration. 

“It’s hard Y/N. I told you countless times.”

“I know it’s hard but what’s stopping you from doing it! You told me that you don’t want to lose me but for some odd reason, it seems like you don’t want to lose her!”

“She was my first love Goddammit!” He finally yells back at her.

~

It’s been two days since their stay in London and Y/N was enjoying every minute of it. Although she had to give some of her hours to work, she couldn’t deny her excitement as she and Emily walked through the unknown streets.

Funny enough while they were eating at a small cafe for lunch, she ended up meeting a new guy. His name was Elliot and he came from New York to visit his family here in London. He was just having lunch with an old friend of his. He noticed her accent and decided to approach her table.

Although, Y/N thought he was cute - she wasn’t interested? It confused her because the moment he asked for her number, she thought of Harry. Which automatically made her say yes. She just doesn’t know if she’s ready for a new relationship but what’s the problem with trying?

“How was your day?” Harry watches the women come into his home as he sits on his couch watching TV. It was around 8 PM and he had nothing to do. His schedule this past year was made to be available for Y/N (excluding PR events)  and since they broke up, he never planned on changing them.

“Harry, oh we didn’t think you’d be home. You’re a celebrity! Shouldn’t you be out partying?” Emily laughs as she sits on the couch. She rests her bags on the floor as Y/N does the same. 

“Oh no. I’m not really into those. I don’t know it’s a nice Friday night to relax. Tomorrow, we have that interview in the morning so I wanted to sleep early.”

“What a smart boy! Well, Y/N and I did some shopping. London is so beautiful. I’m glad I’m here again. Actually, that reminds me! Y/N tell Harry what happened today!”

“Huh?” Y/N’s face pales as she looks at Emily. Her co-workers seemed to invade her love life without seeing a problem. The problem is, however, is that they don’t know what’s truly been happening. “Elliot.” Emily gives her a comforting smile.

“Oh, do you  know him?” Harry gives her a serious look as he turns down the TV. 

“No, he came up to us while we were having lunch.”

“He was so cute Harry! I hope they get together.” Emily squeals. “He’s from New York but I think he was truly interested in you Y/N. He was bold enough to ask for your number!”

“Did you give him your number?” Harry asks Y/N without looking at her. He was biting the inside of his cheek pretty hard trying to pretend as if he didn’t care at all. Suddenly he was too focused on watching the show on his TV.

“Yeah.”

“Cool”

And although Emily continued the conversation, Harry didn’t think it was cool at all.

~

Knock...knock…

Y/N hears the soft knocks on her door as she leaves her ensuite. A couple of hours ago the conversation in the living room ended leaving them to rest in separate rooms of the house. 

“Hey.” She catches herself off guard as she sees Harry in front of her when she opens the door. She glanced at his familiar outfit and for some odd reason, it made her feel good. He was wearing his sweatpants and an old band tee she used to wear when he stayed at her’s for a few nights.

 “I was wondering if we could uh talk.” He glances at the hallway he’s standing in. He was scared Emily would walk out of her room.

 “Oh yeah Sure. Come in.” Y/N opens her door a bit wider to let him in. Her luggage was messily opened in the corner of her room while her shopping bags stayed on the other side. She mindlessly hides her arms in her sweater and sits on the bed. “Funny how you want to talk but you’ve been ignoring me for 3 months.”

“Uh just thought it was a good time to talk to you since we’re not really at work and we’re not surrounded by people.” Y/N rolls her eyes. He had to be bullshitting her.

“Why are you here Harry? Are you thinking you can sleep with me tonight? That this is an opportunity?” Y/N gives a disgusted look as she watches Harry standing in front of her with his arms crossed. 

“What? No. Y/N… I just- Fuck.” He lets his arms out in disbelief. “ I don’t know why I’m here. I’ll leave.” He turns around but her voice calls him out. 

“No. Stay. You obviously have something to tell me.” He turns around and sighs. He sits beside her on the mattress and looks at his hands.

“I miss you.” He blurts out. Y/N rubs her eyes, not from tiredness but because she misses him too -so mainly from frustration. 

“You can’t say that.” 

“You told me to stay and tell you what I needed to tell you.”

“You didn’t need to tell me that.” Y/N pulls her hands from her face and sarcastically laughs at him. She knew she was still in love with him but she also knew their break up was for the right reason. Their affair was wrong. He didn’t know what he wanted and she knew too specifically what she needed.

“Well, you’re right.” He replies with a bit of an attitude. “I don’t know- just forget this ever happened.”

“Okay good, I’ll go back to texting Elliot.” Y/N shrugs her shoulders and reaches for her phone but before she knows it, Harry grabs her phone and unlocks it. It was still his birthday as her passcode and although that made him feel a bit better, he stood up to recite to her the stupid messages on her phone. 

He tries to hide his red cheeks as he scrolls through their text messages. “Did he just ask you what your favourite colour was?” Harry squints his eyes as he looks at her. He was carefully observing her reaction to his texts.  “That’s a stupid question.”

“I found it cute.” Y/N speaks over him. “Are you done looking at MY messages.”

“Bub, you actually think you’re going to get with this guy?” Harry looks away from the phone and looks at her. “He seems like a total wim-”

“Don’t call me bub Harry!” She interrupts him. “Especially, since you’ve been calling me stupid in front of all my colleagues at work during these past two months!” Y/N furrows her brows as she takes her phone back. She hates that he’s here right now. He’s acting like he wasn’t a total ass to her at her work.

“Shit Y/N.” That’s when he realized he fucked up. “Okay, I’m sorry about that.” He watches her as he combs his hair back. 

 “You can’t just come in here, say you miss me and look through my personal text messages. You pretended as if I didn’t exist these past few months and that hurt me!”

“Y/N, I’ve been hurting too!” Harry walks closer to her and shakes his head. “Don’t think our relationship meant nothing to me.” 

“Well, you sure as hell mastered the acting skill! Don’t try to manipulate me, Harry. You ignored me. You embarrassed me. You’ve been treating me like shit!”

“I needed to move on from you Y/N. I had to manipulate myself into thinking I was making the right choice. Our relationship was the only thing making me happy.”

“Do you have any proof of our relationship?” Y/N sarcastically replies as she closes her MacBook and places it on the nightstand. “You have all these pictures of you and your wife but everything about us is hidden.” Harry’s eyes widened. “I lie to my family. You come to my apartment taking the hidden roads and a thick cover-up. Do you think that makes me feel better? Knowing you’re not just hiding me but your affair from the public.”

“Okay, what the actual fuck? What is wrong with you? What’s up with your obsession with us being public? Do you want fame or something?”

“How dare you?” Y/N stands up to meet his height. “Is that what you think of me? Using you for fame!”

“It sure damn seems like it.” Harry rolls his eyes as he walks forward to her, making them the closest they’ve been in for months. 

“Harry, I’m 23! Everyone I know makes it clear they’re in a relationship. Just because people know about us, it doesn’t mean I would publicize everything we do. I just need evidence that this relationship we have between us is real!”

“YN are you bloody kidding me right now. Of course, it’s real! What have we been doing these past years?”

“Messing around?” Y/N scoffs. “You’re married and for some goddamn reason you won’t leave her!”

“Even if I ended things with her, I would still keep you a secret Y/N. I don’t know what you want from me.” Harry calmly states as he closes his eyes. 

“There’s a difference in keeping me a secret and having our relationship known to the public but being very private.”

“I don’t know why this matters to you so much. You know I care about you and I want to be yours. Fuck -I was yours.” Harry wipes his eyes a bit. 

“You don’t know why it matters to me so much because you aren’t me. You don’t know how it feels to have the second bits of someone. You don't even understand how I feel -to be so in love with someone, only to know from the beginning they were never fully yours, to begin with.”

“You love me?” Harry chokes on his breath as he looks down at her. He obviously knew they had such a deep connection but he never thought about love when it came to them. You want to know why?

Love always makes everything complex and hurtful. He fell in love for the first time with his wife and look where it led him? In a broken marriage where he no longer had hope. He had wishes and dreams for the two of them and throughout the years, they all disappeared in a drought.

 Love is such a pleasing and attractive feeling that every human wants but why does it always end opposite for him? To be in love is different. You have to be vulnerable and Harry has never done that with Y/N. He doesn’t even know if he can do that again. He already fell in love and found someone who he would call his partner. In sickness and in health. Till death do us part. That didn’t go as planned.

“Yes.” Y/N looks down but Harry’s hand rests on her chin to make her look at him again. 

“Why couldn’t you tell me sooner?” He was stalling. He was asking her questions so he wouldn’t have to explain his feelings for her. He was also trying to let her down slowly. 

“Last time I spoke to you, you told me you wouldn’t leave your wife because she was your first love.”

“Oh.”

“Is she your only?”

“My only what?”

“Your only love?”

Silence.

There’s your answer.

“For a husband to cheat on his wife, people would say you have a big ego but I don’t think so. Elliot isn’t the wimp Harry… you are.”

“It takes two to tango Y/N. Don’t just blame me.” Harry lets his hand fall. “I have rules I stand by when it comes to marriage and you know how much of a pain she is!”

“You told me you wanted to leave her but that never happened! I kept telling myself that our relationship was okay but why was it still killing me?” She furrowed her eyebrows as she looked at him. “ Do you still love her?”

“No,” Harry answers immediately. 

“Why are you still holding onto her? Why can’t you see that she’s not making you happy and you need to get out of this marriage.”

“Because it’s marriage Y/N! I committed myself to her for my whole life!”

“You sure as hell weren’t committed last year!”

“You don’t understand because you aren’t married!” Harry finally screams the loudest. His face was red and it seemed like the blood vessel in his neck was about to burst.

“You’re telling me… you rather have me continue compromising my morals and keep this relationship hidden just so you can have the best of both worlds?” Y/N scoffs. “You’re stupid.”

“I know.”

“You can’t have everything. I know you’re famous and rich but you made the choice not to fight for me two months ago and now I’m choosing the same.” Y/N shakes her head and rests her back on the wall. She looks at him with disappointment in her eyes. “I don’t know why we keep having this same fight. We always go through the same topic and the same arguments. Although I’m fighting for what I need in a relationship, I’m also fighting for you to realize you’re better off without her.” 

“I guess you can say I’m a bit stubborn.” He speaks up in a soft voice trying to communicate with her in a more respectful tone. “It’s okay if you don’t want me again. I just needed to tell you I miss you. Ever since we broke up, I realized how much of an impact you made on me.” He repeats.

“Ok.”

“Do you miss me?” His mouth pouts as he watches her. “Have you ever?”

“Of course I did Harry. I loved you.”

“Wait a minute. You don’t love me anymore?” Harry was quite offended to hear that from her.

 “What? No… it’s complicated. I can’t describe it.”

“You either love me or you don’t.”

“I’m trying to move on. Why can’t you let me? You don’t seem to love me back anyway!”

Silence.

"Letting you go was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do” He admits to her., letting his confession easily slip through his lips.

“Resisting you was harder yet I failed.”

-

After their conversation, Harry left Y/N’s room to get some sleep. Although he approached her with the main goal of receiving closure he realized that his true main reason was to win her back. Maybe it was because of this Elliot guy but Harry couldn't imagine her with someone else. It made him drown in jealousy and sadness -A feeling that his lover knew all too well. That night, he realized he couldn’t have what he wanted. He’s confused about his feelings and how he could win back Y/N. 

“Thank you for meeting with me.” Harry lays his head on his mum’s couch as she sits in front of him. Today was their last day in London since tomorrow morning they were going to the airport. Harry knew he had to visit his mum and ask for advice since he needed someone to talk to.

“You’re my son. Of course Harry. What are you saying?”

“I don’t know.” he closes his eyes as he explains everything to his mother. He began with the cold turn of his marriage and later on shared his affair with Y/N and how confused he’s feeling right now.

\\

“For god’s sake. I can’t believe you.” Anne expresses her disappointment. “Harry, I’m not proud of you cheating. I never thought you would do this. Now you-”

“I think I love Y/N.” Harry interrupts her as he rubs his hands on his thighs. Anne lets out a sigh but displays an understanding look.

“If you love her, you’d be willing to compromise and fix things to make her happy. She’s right you know? Why are you still tied up to that other woman if she barely acknowledges you? You never told me about this.”

“Because I don’t want you to worry mum.” He looks at her and rests his elbows on his thighs. “I thought the whole marriage thing would fade away since I’m barely in it. I just thought everything would slowly change and I’d be back to who I was before I became a husband. I was hurt when she became cold to me but I slowly just forgot about her and went on with my day. I was only seeing her 5 times a day and I was starting to be okay with that but whenever someone would ask me something about her or I’m at an event, I realize I’m married. I made promises that I barely kept.”

“She never kept them either.”

“I know. Our marriage was over years ago before we truly started. I just -I don’t want to have a divorce like you and dad. I know you might be offended but I cried my heart out when you told me and Gem you two were splitting up. I promised myself I would never do that.”

“You were 8 Harry. You didn’t understand how love and marriage were so complex. Your father and I just didn’t work but that doesn’t mean I can’t find another person and have that life I always imagined. Rob was that man for me. I think you’re thinking about everything a little bit too hard that you don’t even realize the girl you love is slipping through your fingertips.”

She’s right.

“I’m scared that she won’t be happy with me after I change everything for her. I’m scared she’ll be just like the other woman I married.”

“You can’t let that stop you. It’s unfair for the two of you. You need to fight for her. And don’t think I’m encouraging you and your cheating but I want you to be happy and if that’s with her. I’m okay with that.”

“I need to talk to her.”

~

It was around 6 PM by the time Harry came home. He barely parked his car into his garage as he entered the house. He noticed Emily was just about to leave.

“Harry! Our interview went great today.” Emily looks up after rummaging in her purse. “Why are you in such a rush?”

“I-um have to pee?” Harry’s cheeks turn red as he leans on the railway and slowly climbs the stairs.

“Oh go then! My uber is here. I forgot to buy some treats for my kids.”

“Oh okay. Is uh Y/N here?” He bites his lip as he watches Emily walk to the front door.

“Yeah, she’s packing. She finished her marketing meeting for your shop like an hour ago.”

“K, thanks. See you tonight.” And with that, Harry jogged up the stairs to go to her room.

Knock… knock…

Deja-vu hits Y/N as she opens her door and sees Harry standing behind it. “Hi, you’re here again. The most I’ve spoken to you after the last three months.” Harry says nothing as he steps inside the room and closes the door.

“I’m leaving her.” He blurts out. He glances at her cozy outfit and her messy room before looking at her again.

“Oh.” Y/N’s eyes widen but she turns around and continues to fold her clothes into her luggage. “That’s a good decision to make. What made you change your mind?”

“You.”

“Harry, We were together for a year and you still didn’t want to leave her.” She sits on her bed and gives him a knowing look. “What made you change your mind?” She repeats.

“Um, I’ll share it with you. When I was eight, my parents divorced. After that, I promised myself I would take love and marriage so seriously -There would only be one person meant for me.”

“I never knew that. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was scared to be vulnerable with you.” 

“But you opened up so easily to me about who you were. I just never knew this side of you.”

“I know.” Harry clears his throat and walks towards her. “It’s stupid to think about that rule I made to heart when I was younger. Things are different and I have you or at least I want you.” He closes his eyes for a brief second.. “I spoke to my mum and she told me you‘re right.”

“I know I am.” Y/N lets out a small laugh. 

“I just needed someone other than you to tell me it was okay to leave her. I know she and I aren’t even really together but everyone we know thinks we are.”

“Oh.”

“Look I’m sorry that I make things harder for us. I hated talking about the consequences of our relationship because it made me feel guilty and you don’t deserve to be the reason why. You make me so happy and I- I never took into account how truly you felt about our relationship. I continued to put you in a position you didn’t want to be in.”

“Thank you, Harry.” Y/N purses her lips and looks at him, “Even though you were a total ass after our break up you know I still love you. I’ll love you for the rest of my life. Even if you don’t love me back, and even if we both move on, there will always be a part of me that will always love you no matter what.” 

“Y/N I made myself promise that I would only love one woman and I never really thought about loving you when we were together. Maybe because it was so natural, the feeling went straight to my heart and I never thought about it. B seeing you at work yet feeling so distant from you and our relationship made me recognize how serious I was about you. With that, my wife never made me feel the way I’m with you. You taught me things to make me a better person. She’s different from who I fell in love with before and that’s okay because I’m different too now. ”

“So you aren’t just bluffing. You’re going to leave her. Not just for me but for you too?”

“Yes, I’m doing it for us.” He smirks at her and rests his hands on her waist. “I don’t know why I was stalling.”

“Well, now you’re here.” Y/N smiles as she reaches out to him. “I miss you.” She immediately kisses him as his hands intertwine with her hair, making him desperately kiss her back. 

“I miss you too baby.” He pushes her down gently on the bed as he carries her clothes off the bed and onto the bed. “I don’t know if I want to make love to you or fuck you so hard because I miss you.”

“Just do both. Over and over again.” Y/N whispers as she unzips her hoodie and takes off her shorts, leaving her in just her underwear. Harry locks her door and returns back as he quickly takes his shirt off. 

“Fuck you look so beautiful. My sweet angel. I can’t believe I had to lose you for a while.” He eyes her greedily before leaning down to leave soft kisses down her chest. His hands pull her down the bed and spread her legs open as his mouth continues to go south. “You don’t know how many times I thought about just fucking you over the desk at your work.”

“You barely spoke to me.” Y/N laughs as she watches Harry kneel on the floor. She quickly shuts up, however,  as she feels his hot mouth teasing her covered wet center.

 “Didn’t change the fact I had sleepless nights craving your body and needing your cuddles.” His cheeks turn red.

“What else did you want to do then.” Y/N takes her bra off and lets her fingers tug his hair. She was impatient, was it obvious? Both of them only had their hands to keep them happy.

 “Last month when I screamed at you in the meeting about merch prices, I was so hard because of your unbuttoned blouse. I couldn’t focus and I needed you out of the room.”

“I wasn’t even doing-”

“You were staring at me and rolling your eyes baby. I know my bad girl when she’s mad. I was so tempted to just pull you by your hair and make you suck my dick.”

“Then let me suck you off now.”

“Nuh, It’s about you,”Harry mumbles and kisses her inner thigh before ripping her thin underwear apart. “Fuck, so wet. I missed the way you taste baby.” Harry immediately dives in, letting his mouth suck on her clit as his fingers dance their way to her needy core.

“Har-”

“Call me what you want to call me.” Harry looks at her as his mouth bites and sucks on her thighs.

 “Daddy.” She moans out as his fingers quicken their pace. Her hands holding onto his hair as his mouth greedily attacked her. Licking and sucking without any mercy.

“Play with your titties baby while you watch me fuck you with my fingers.” He instructs as Y/N holds herself with one arm and plays with her boob with the other. 

“You make me feel so good. Oh my god.” Harry quickens his pace as he spits on her center, making him watch his saliva drip down to the sheets. 

“Turn around.” He helps her into the position before slapping her butt cheek. “Guess I’m going to fuck you first.”

“I need you so badly. Fuck, you ruined me for any other guy out there.” Y/N rests her head on the mattress as she feels him tease her centre. His pants were half off since he was too focused on his girl.

“So no boyfriends these past couple months.”

“No.”

“What about Elliot?”“

I was just starting to talk-” Harry inserts himself in. His hands tightly holding onto her waist. 

“You’re going to stop talking to him right? Cuz you’re mine.”

“Mhm…” Y/N turns herself around after a couple of thrusts, making her look directly at him. “Have you been uh seeing any-?” 

“No. Couldn’t get my mind off you and I just wanted your company.”“

Oh fuck, harder.” Her eyes roll back as Harry hits her most sensitive spot. His hand rests on her stomach as the other wondered around her body. 

“You’re so good for me baby.” He grunts as he leans down to kiss her. 

“Fuck, I’m going to come.”

“Just let go, it’s alright love, I'm here.” Harry softly reassures her with his hand wrapped around her neck.

So, this is what it feels like to be in heaven? Y/N thinks to herself as she finally reaches her high. Harry quickened his pace and by the time, he knows it -he spills his seed right inside of her.

“I love you Y/N.”

~

The trio was now back in America as they stood outside of LAX. Emily was in the car talking to her husband while Harry and Y/N decided to stay outside and talk. They were still waiting for the airport’s security to lead them out of the lot since there were paparazzi outside of this VIP parking area they were in.

“Do you think soulmates are real?” Y/N asks Harry. They stood 5 feet apart, both resting their backs on the car. They were acting as colleagues, as friends -not lovers.

“Yes.” He glances at her through his shades. “No matter where we go or what happens, the universe would lead us back to each other.”

“Are you saying I’m your soulmate?” she sucks on her lollipop innocently as she smirks at him. Harry just smiles back and nods as he crosses his arms again. 

That’s cute.

“I’m happy I have you again.”

“You better not be a bitch to me when you visit the office.”

“Me? A bitch?” Harry laughs at her statement.

“You’re sassy! Why else do you think I angrily stare at you at work.”

“I know. It pained me to walk right past you the first day after our breakup.” Harry stares at the concrete wall in front of them. “Did you notice I was in the office more though? I kind of hated you but I had this constant need to see you all time. I even started bugging Marissa and Paul about the marketing contracts so I could work with you through lunches.”

“A simp.” Y/N laughs.

 “What’s that?”

“Nothing.” She laughs at how clueless he is.

“Your hands look cold. Mind if I warm them up.” Harry intently looked at her hands that seemed to be doing alright. 

“We’re in LA and you think I’m cold.” She gives him a funny glare.“Just accept my flirtatious attempt to hold your hand.”

“Emily is inside the car and there’s paparazzi outside.”

“And?” 

“You can’t just

“Thought you wanted physical proof we’re together. No one is going to see us.”

“Security camer-”

“Walk closer to me.” Harry interrupts her. She follows along and stands beside him. He secretly reaches behind them to grab her hand. Now they were holding hands but no one could see. 

“You’re cute y’know.”

“Thank you.” He smiles at her. 

“Well, I should go in the car. There’s AC.” Y/N laughs at his cute attempt. As she walks away, her hand is still intertwined with his leading him to quickly pull her into him so he can kiss her.

“Sorry I couldn't stop myself.” His eyes widen. 

They immediately pull away. Harry looks inside the car to see Emily talking on the phone looking outside the window towards the other way. Thank the lord, she didn’t see them.

“Mr. Styles, the security is outside already. We can go.”

~

“Harry!” Y/N yells out his name through the speaker.

“Hi baby, I just woke up.”

“You have to rea.. read the news.” She was crying so badly that she could barely breathe.

“Why? What happened?” 

“They know Harry. Everyone knows about us and Paul just called me in for a meeting.”

His heart was beating fast as he hung up the call without bidding her goodbye or comforting her. His wife was sleeping in the other room but he could already hear the vases and picture frames being thrown at the walls. 

TMZ

Harry Styles is Caught Cheating on His Wife With Mysterious Girl!!!

Daily mail

Harry Styles is a Womanizer!

People

Harry Styles’ mistress is Y/N L/N!!!

Hollywood Life

All About Harry Styles’ Affair with Columbia Records Employee!

part three ici

#Harry Styles #solo harry #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles angst #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagines #harry styles oneshots #harry styles fanfic #boyfriend!harry #husband!harry #folklore #taylor swift #harry styles story #one direction #one direction one shots #zoeyswritersappreciationwc

[atldiscourse]

So, I just wanna start off by saying I am really happy that I found your blog Rebecca & even happier that you were on CTL and have your “face down ass up” story featured there! I’m not sure how I even found your blog, but I’m glad I did because we share a lot of similiar opinons and similarities. OKAY, so my opinions….a lot of my opinions have to do with All Time Low as members, but mostly how they have progressed over the year and how the culture their fans have and how they perpetuate it.

I like you was a fan of ATL when I was younger, middle-high school and I loved and worshipped them. But recently since the pandemic and the WUS era, I rejoined the online community and with that I explored the fandom. I felt really surprised to see how intense fan culture has gotten. Like “simping” is basically fangirling but everything just seems wayyy more intense than it was about 5-7 years ago. 

I was also SHOCKED to see how many YOUNG fans there were. There are 15 year olds out there “simping” for Jack Barakat. I have found that people who are 10 years younger than me try to be more PC and speak out against horrible things that happen. So, I find it really ironic that young fans will “stan” Jack no matter what and yet NO ONE wants to call him out on these allegations because they love him so much. 

I feel like as we get older, you need to be able to form a more critical opinion of the people you “idolise” and their behaviours. I wish more fans were able to move on from a band they loved when they were younger and not keep buying merch and continuing this cycle of fan culture, which I find completely toxic. I have to have ALL THE VINYLS, ALL THE CDS ALL THE SHIRTS in order to be a good ATL stan? The person I love will NEVER do anything wrong because I’m a “this person stan” NO. 

If you genuinely love them, just love them, don’t waste your money and speak out when you see them doing inappropriate or shitty behaviour. Better yet, stop idolising them, because they’re just a group of (mostly) white men in their 30s. I also think Jack should address these allegations or make some kind of statement and apology. Alex constantly has to cover his ass on CTL from saying inappropriate things and it’s gotten to the point where I think Jack needs to man up and take ownership over himself.

I have heard from fans “well if someone flashes them in a crowd they don’t know if that fan is underage”, but shouldn’t they know a lot of their fanbase is younger? And maybe if Jack hadn’t had this whole “sexual, dick joke” persona in the first place, girls would not feel the need to flash them to get his attention. I find the whole thing overtly sexualized and I find it so sad that girls idolise this man. I wish they idolised strong powerful women instead of some dude.

I think Alex is the most well-spoken out of all the band. I do appreciate all of them using their platform to talk about politics, and I do think it’s genuine…just inconsistent. I’m not saying they have to speak out about everything all the time, but in June Alex kept commenting about Breanna Taylor and BLM and it just felt like he was talking about it because everyone was. 

The police recently weren’t convicted for her murder and Alex hasn’t said anything. I’m not saying that he has to, I’m just saying, I feel like he talked about it because it was the hot button issue at the time. And that goes for everyone, not just Alex. Society and people in general stopped talking about the BLM movement after the “hype” died down. Alex also has thanked the fans for keeping him informed and educated and I think he’s referring to a lot of PC things, but also, he should educate himself, in my opinion. It’s not a certain communities or groups job to educate the cis white man about about their struggles. 

Overall, I just feel like as I’ve gotten older I’ve realised that I’ve outgrown people I used to love, because I haven’t seen a whole lot of depth or maturity or critical thinking from them. OH and this just pisses me off. On CTL they do the whole “good boys give bad advice segment” and they make a disclaimer every time we don’t know what we’re doing, but ALEX SAID we want you to tell us your problems!

So people write in with more emotional and serious problems and I know many fans write to them about mental health struggles, but these men in their 30s-40s are not licensed professionals and cannot really help you. I just hate that segment and originally it was fun just sharing content but idk why Alex wanted to give advice when it’s not serious because fans I think take it more seriously.

Along the political lines, I have huge issue with the fact that they aren’t quarantining. Even though they said they did and I believe they did back in the spring, now they’re acting like it’s not a big deal. They’re traveling. And I get that restrictions have been made less strict, but I have seen other celebrities take it super seriously and not even leave their homes. They have the money and the means, they don’t ned to leave just because they miss making music. I get it but life could be worse. 

And don’t even get me started on Rian…it’s not really problematic or offensive it’s just BAD TASTE. Oh and musically, I don’t think I’ve ever really loved them since Don’t Panic, because overall I feel the albums have lost their ATL essence, but that being said they do have a few really good jams off of each record.

If you read this in full, thank you, Rebecca. I wrote this full of emotion so it may be a hot mess, but I hope I made some decent points. SENDING YOU LOVE!

_________________________________

this was so long but an excellent read. thanks so much for sending all this in! some hot takes but i generally agree with everything - jack needs to take accountability, dp was their last solid album, i hate that they’re not self isolating... we’re on the same wavelength here lol

[swiftontumblin310]

COFFEE TIME: February 6, 2021

Happy Saturday tumblrland! It’s sad I’m not home anymore to take embarrassing and awkward selfies with my Taylor Swift eras mug as much. I guess it’s not so much of a loss🤦🏻‍♀️ lol crazy that they came out with new eras merch and included evermore! 9 whole Taylor Swift eras and each one is so special in different ways. My mug is so outdated at this point but it is what it is🤷🏻‍♀️ I legit had a dream I met Taylor Swift last night. I was with a group of people and they were all people that I knew from Twitter but they didn’t know me. I got chosen to go to this special event and I felt so accomplished and special. It started off with everyone going on this cart or something through Taylor’s house but each room was a different color (I guess kinda like the Lover music video). We went through a pink room, yellow room, red room etc. Then we get to the place where Taylor would be and we’re all behind a rope outlining this GIANT room. Like tall ceilings and kinda Willy Wonka-ish. And Taylor showed up and went all the way around the rope to greet everyone. I don’t know why we were there but I’m pretty sure I met Taylor in my dream. One day I hope to meet Taylor, if only. If not, I guess in my dreams💭 lol so that was my dream this Saturday! Happy coffeeee time!

@taylorswift

#taylor swift #taylornation #taylurking #lover #love #rep tour #rep #reptournotices #coffee time #taylor swift eras mug #taylor swift eras #mug #dreams #wildest dreams

[dreyblr]

Im disappointed at the lack of us dates this is uncool taylor

Sorry but this is what international fans have been feeling for so so so so so so long and often criticized for speaking up about it. Sorry. I’m truly sorry that Taylor announced two places in the US, but honestly she toured the entire United States for the reputation tour with often several concerts in the same cities. Fans have been so so so so privileged there for having so many dates and so many fans took it for granted. Honestly, the first time I was able to see her I had to drive 5 hours from home into another country, to pay for gas, to pay for a room, to pay for food and to pay for the ticket. And I was so privileged to be able to do it. And when I spent my year in DC I truly saw the difference. It hit me right in the face. First off you get all of the information before the rest of the world because well you’re usually awake when anything happens. You’re able to attend/watch special tv shows/awards. You’ve got such cheap merch with very cheap shipping fees and no customs fees. You get to see Taylor perform in your cities or close by your home — for most of you. You speak the same language as her and you don’t need to use a dictionary/work hard to understand her instantly. I don’t know I just feel like some fans in the USA took everything for granted and criticized international fans for speaking up but when one (1) thing that we’ve been used to for years happens to you it’s the end of the world and we — international fans — are mean for not supporting you. Sorry but it’s a lot. There are still fans out there in Asia, in Middle East, in Australia, in Africa and in South America who dare to hope for a show there. They dare to hope yes and yet they’re still happy for everyone even if they don’t get to attend (yet). Yes I’m sad for fans living in the middle of the USA or the ones who can’t afford traveling, because yes it’s frustrating, but it’s like this everywhere. We are thousands of fans in the same shoes as you worldwide. Except that it has been like this for us since forever. And no it’s not uncool from Taylor. She reads what we think online and she realized that international fans deserved better so yes she is having a lot of international tour dates so this is very cool Taylor THANK YOU

#ask #anon #sorry but yes i had a lot to say

[cola12paris]

note #25: 20 aug 2020 at 00:27

are folklores

those things like

fairytales?

because it doesn’t exist?

or it does but only inside our minds?

i’ve been a fan of taylor swift since Red era (2012) and i admit that it’s my favorite album of all time. i remember getting excited whenever my dad buys me taylor’s latest album hahaha i’ll sleep with a smile on my face. i also went to a fanmeeting when i was 7 or 8 yrs old, it was called something like ‘starlight’ i’m not sure tho. i went there with my dad hahaha he’s so supportive of my fangirling side. i have to run up to the 3rd floor where the event center is to be able to be one of the 50 people who are lucky enough to have a merch or what but i was unlucky back then. we ate at sbarrò right after. i was wearing a striped long sleeve with a number on the center and it was yellow. and a pink hello kitty leggings. i played bubbles and he takes a picture of me. my most favorite part of that day was when we’re coming home. i think we were riding a uv and i’d lean on him when i sleep, calling it a day. spending that time with my dad has become my favorite and it makes me sad because it rarely happens now. but it’s ok!!! he’s doing fine right now and he seems happy. he’s running an aquascape business, wherein he breeds fishes and pick sorts of aquatic plants (he has so much time for his fish but none for me... kidding!) i’m very happy though. we don’t get quality time more often but seeing him do what he wants makes me happy.

anyway!!! here’s my own ranking of folklore tracks even if no ones cares lol

17. my tears ricochet

16. this is me trying

15. mad woman

14. epiphany

13. the last great american dynasty

12. invisible string

11. peace

10. the 1

9. betty

8. cardigan

7. exile

6. illicit affairs

5. august

4. seven

3. hoax

2. mirrorball

1. the lakes

here’s the bonus track. been listening to it for hours and it’s therapeutic. this song reminds me of the good times with my dad (*´∀`)♪

#Spotify

[fearlesslyable]

living for the hope of it all

Sitting at the table this morning: A cup of coffee in my hands in an attempt to wake me from the constant slumber that is the fog in my brain these days. Munchkins from Dunkin that a sweet friend brought me for breakfast. She brought me 25. WHY 25?! So sweet, so dangerous. I’ve had 7. *Casually removes the box from my sight*

I love mornings... After 5 AM usually. So like, 8 AM. When I awake with the world around me. The sun peering through my window, the birds begin singing their song. It’s so peaceful and inviting. For a moment I accept everything as it should be... Until the noise in my brain chimes in and interrupts all of my efforts to achieve stillness. And just like that, I slump into sadness. A feeling so familiar now, I don’t know what it’s like to exist without it creeping in the background, dulling my sparkle. I can’t recall the last time I was just “Happy” and not a prisoner of my mind... Stealing me away from making golden memories. I think I have always fought an internal battle, the difference now is I have more years on me and I’m a single young adult who lives alone. The darkness has won me over now that I am backed into a corner. I count my breaths.

I just want 2020 to be over (I know I’m not the only one...), this year has taken something special from all of us-innocent lives of loved ones and friends, it has put the hopes and dreams and goals of a “good year” on hold in the form of social distancing and isolation. We were made to crave connectivity with others, to hug, to shake hands, to simply show love. I never imagined I would experience a global pandemic in my lifetime. I never imagined that the entire world as we knew it would just stop, leaving us frozen in time-hanging on the line of FaceTime calls, having to hide our smiles and frowns behind masks. Our own immortality and fragility exposed.  

Not that that Corona Virus hasn’t been enough for me, trust me... I didn’t ask for this or anything more. My Grandma Shirley was also taken from me. She was my favorite person, my best friend. Our conversations were endless and she always knew what to say to make it better. We had our own little language I guess. Though I felt alone, I knew I wasn’t because she was ALWAYS there. I ran to her for everything. She was safe, warm, and lovely. I would tell her after our nightly FaceTime sessions that I couldn’t imagine ever losing her, and she would choke about her age, adding that she was, “older than dirt”. I’d just laugh and ignore it. Last year, we found out that she had a pretty progressive form of Colon Cancer when she went in for her first colonoscopy  IN 15 YEARS (get your colon checked people!) I was devastated. I prayed and prayed to God to not take my best friend and my grandmother. I filled up an entire journal PLEADING to him. The same night Lover was released, my grandma was rushed to the ER for a stroke. I got to the hospital as soon as I could. That was the worst I had seen her. Her skin yellow, her eyes lifeless. That night I went home and listened to the album and when it got to Soon You’ll Get Better, I broke down. It was all too real and relatable, but I was thankful for music.

Flash forward, my grandma chose to turn down chemo after the first round. She wanted to live with whatever time she had with quality, rather than being stricken with the unbearable side effects of the treatment. I understood and respected her wishes, vowing to make every moment with her count from then on. I didn’t think she’d make it to my birthday in the fall... She did. I didn’t think she would make it to Christmas... Thank God, she did. Then 2020 hit. My world came crashing down in April. My grandmother was getting worse and showing more symptoms of the cancer colonizing in her body. She was overtaken.

Being the sensitive-overly emotional-worrier that I am, my grandmother was very careful not to burden me with her struggles--But I knew her. I knew her like the back of my hand. I could see the pain in her eyes... She was tired, labored, carrying far too many stones up the hill for 75 years. Something was definitely wrong. The sand in the hourglass was running out. {{Honestly, there are just too many vivid memories involving my grandmother’s passing, and while I want to get them all down, it’s just too much right now... *Gonna transition*}} My grandmother ended up passing away at my parent’s home in my childhood bedroom, which in away is a great honor to me. I miss her with an ache in my bones. 

Desperate to move forward to find some newfound purpose and meaning, I finally pushed myself to apply for the Masters in Counseling Program through Doane University. I have so much love for the mental health field and dream to have profession in it one day. I found out yesterday that I had put the wrong email address down on my application, so I was never notified for an interview. Though, I am thankful I have another opportunity to interview in November, I am still crushed. I have this overwhelming fear that I will just be stuck in one place forever and I won’t amount to anything. As if all I will ever know is this empty apartment. As if my only accomplishment is moving out of my parent’s house and that should be enough for me... Because I’m physically disabled. But that isn’t enough for me. I want more out of my life. I’m just worried that more won’t become of my life now that I lost my favorite person--My grandmother and best friend.

I do have a saving grace, however. A gift from above. That is Taylor Swift and her current album folklore. While I could choose self-harm or alcohol, this album has been my therapy, my medicine, a warm blanket for my heart and soul. I have really been struggling to be alone with my thoughts and feelings because they are just too loud. Since the release I have been listening to folklore on a continuous loop to help me calm down and escape my mind. Taylor’s voice just encapsulates me in a hug with every listen on this album. It’s like she is shining light on all of my broken pieces and holding them in her hands, saying: “I see you and I love you. I promise you aren’t alone.” I just sob while she sings to me. I have been an OG fan since 2007/2008 and have supported and purchased each of her albums and merch, but it has been quite some time that an album has really struck me like folklore. I feel every melody and lyric, I can identify myself in each song. It is as if someone ripped me open and read my mind, this collection of songs would be what they hear. Only Taylor Swift can do that. I am in love with folklore with my whole being, with every single inch of my heart. No one will know just how much I needed this work of art in my life, and quite frankly it is saving me from myself and keeping me above the waves.

And with that, I am living for the hope of it all on this cloudy day. 

#july 2020 #covid19 #mental health #taylor swift blog #blog #writer #taylorswift #personal #grandma #folklore #depression #anxiety #griefrecovery #griefawareness #music #musicislife #music saves lives #I

[amirrorball]

FLOWER THEORY:)🌸

ok so everyone’s talking about the album title and how it’s home or kaleidoscope but i think she wouldn’t do something that simple (she loves metaphors)

i’ve been thinking and what if it’s something to do with flowers?

she literally wears a rose and her shorts have flowers on them

there’s a rose on the side of the ME! lyric video

there have been roses/flowers in the promo from the beginning but they don’t really relate to the song (so they must relate to the album!!) (there are roses inside of ME!)

there are flowers ALL over the merch, the first merch taylor wore was the pink one with only the flowers, there’s a literal popsocket WITH ONLY FLOWERS, there’s a bag with a daisy on it (taylor has mentioned daisies before)

Brendon’s suit was literally COVERED IN FLOWERS not once BUT TWICE

last year taylor posted this shirt playing scrabble (spelling is fun!) wearing A SHIRT WITH FLOWERS ON IT and flowers in the background

she also posted this along with it (keep in mind how often does taylor just post pictures of nature? it’s very interesting she chose this photo) 

AND she posted before the time gala WITH FLOWERS (and these flowers kinda look like her BBMA outfit with the purple and the ruffles!)

ok AND THIS DRESS has flowers on it. my theory is: the white and black part of it represents the rep era and there’s flowers growing on it for the next era (she starts off arguing and goes outside and it’s immediately more colorful and it’s the last part of the video where’s there’s really the color black)

🌸🌸🌸🌸

ALSO SOME MORE THOUGHTS:

idk if this is a stretch but when she says living in winter i am your summer i thought of how in winter, there’s snowflakes about which people say no two are the same. well, maybe flowers are kinda the same thing for summer??!! idk... 

🌸🌸🌸🌸

also: “all my flowers grew back as thorns” "i once was poison ivy but now i’m your daisy” DANG THESE TWO LYRICS SHOW GROWTH well you know what else grows FLOWERS (mic drop)

🌸🌸🌸🌸

plus let’s not forget when she’s sitting on top of the unicorn she looks like a literal flower getting offered flowers

🌸🌸🌸🌸

ok so maybe i’m going to far here with some of these BUT LITERALLY THERE IS A FLOWER THEME and idk what the title of the album would be (i don’t think she would call it flowers or roses or something (i mean maybe because we thought 1989 was called roses) but WHAT this must relate to the album name) (also roses symbolize LOVE)

🌸🌸🌸🌸

it would be so pretty if it was called forget me not (cause it’s a flower and she always has songs about memories and remembering) but i feel like that’s kinda sad idk

OK SO IS THIS A THEORY OR AM I JUST IMAGINING THINGS WHAT DO U THINK????

@taylorswift @taylornation

#taylor swift #taylor swift is a genius #flower theory #ts7 #roses

[getawayky13]

The difference between a boy and a man

On May 31st, the very beginning of the summer, my three and a half year long boyfriend, called me, from another country, and broke up with me. After three and a half years, I got a 5 minute phone call. I was devestated and heartbroken, yet not surprised. The sad feeling had only lasted maybe two weeks, until I started thinking, like maybe I should do things for me this summer. I started off by doing the typical “new me” stuff. I cut my hair to my shoulders and dyed it black. Then, I got a new tattoo and (re) pierced my nose. Shortly after I called up a few old friends to see where they were in their lives and if they wanted to meet up, catch up, I was free and available. One friend I called up, we have had the wildest relationship. It started off 7 years ago. I was a freshman in high school and he was a junior in high school. We had met through family, and became close, soon we dated. Well after about a month that fell apart. The difference was it wasn’t a terrible fall out, months later we were still friends. Over time we talked less and less but now 7 years later we’re still friends. This summer honestly I have spent the majority of my time with him, we’ve done so much catching up and hanging out, it’s different now that we’re adults, it’s better. Now, we aren’t dating again, but even as a friend, he’s shown me that it is indeed possible to be treated with simple respect and that not all boys are terrible...I don’t know that I should be comparing him to my ex, but I almost can’t help the simple, small things that have made a HUGE difference. Like it really shows me what a MAN is compared to a BOY.

Examples of a MAN:

He holds open every door for me no matter what.

He’ll usually buy my first couple rounds of drinks.

He’s bought my dinner on multiple occasions.

We were cooking dinner at home one night and he put on Taylor Swift radio on Pandora without me even mentioning it.

Turns up the radio when the Jonas Brothers come on. Also turns on Jonas Brothers interviews on YouTube for us to watch.

Laughs at my dumb jokes.

Is H O N E S T.

Examples of a BOY:

Held the door open 1/10 times.

Complained about my weight.

Hated me drinking/spending money/going out in general.

Bought my dinner 1/10 times. (I bought our meals the other 9/10 times.)

Made it known to me how much he hated Taylor Swift and (yet after I bought him tickets to TWO different shows to go with me) had the audacity to say, “you should maybe stop buying her merch. You’re WAY too into this.”

Threatened to leave me behind because Sucker by the Jonas Brothers came on the radio, and after he turned it down because he knew I liked it, I kept singing it. He legit threatened to leave me and have my dad come pick me up because I was singing a song. I APOLOGIZED TO HIM FOR SINGING A SONG.

Makes you feel bad for talking about the things you like.

Lies about being in love for the entire last year of your relationship.

Point is these lists can go on and on, but it’s the little things that really make a huge difference. It’s the friend who cares versus the boyfriend who could careless. I would rather have a friend who cares. I posted this here today because it’s been in my mind for awhile now. I’m just shocked how much HAPPIER and HEALTHIER I am and how MUCH BETTER I’ve been feeling. I don’t know what’s ahead for me, but I do know what I need to look for in a MAN, all thanks to a good friend.

#relationship #taylorswift #jonas brothers #friends #friendship

[are-youreadyforit]

My Swiftie Story - it’s about time you all get to know me ❤

It started with Fearless for me. I got the deluxe album for Christmas and the rest is history. The End

Just kidding. I was 14 when I went to the Fearless Tour as my first concert in Sydney Australia. Mum bought us a ticket, and accidentally bought some kind of VIP package lol. It just meant we got pre-show canapes and a drink and early access to merch, and we had really great seats at side stage! I bought my first Taylor Swift merch; the Fearless T-shirt, brown wrist band and concert program.

I’m 16 now and I don’t know how but I got my learner’s licence. So when I was learning to drive with Mum, Fearless was in the car radio. Every time. Mum had her favourite songs and we’d sing along going for drives that had no purpose other than to get my learning hours up. We’d pick far away cafes to go to and have tea and scones hehe.

Speak Now came out later in the year that I went to the Fearless Tour. I was in year 9 at high school. I had my first boyfriend and liked trying to make Taylor’s songs relate to my relationship. But when we broke up (when he dumped me by text – yep @taylorswift I can relate), I remember posting a status of lyrics from Perfectly Good Heart 😂

I remember being so sad I couldn’t go to the Speak Now Tour because I also really liked Hot Chelle Rae and they were Taylor’s support for the Australian leg of the tour. I don’t remember now why I couldn’t go but I was sad haha

Then RED came out when I was in my second last year of high school. Mum loved the title track and would make me play it multiple times in a row, and I would always jokingly argue because I wanted to hear the whole album. 22 is still one of my anthems! And one of my biggest regrets is not making my own music video to it for my 22nd birthday 😂

The RED tour was right when I had booked my schoolies trip with my friends (in Australia this trip is a tradition for after graduating from high school). We were in Bilinga, Queensland Australia which is near(ish) Brisbane Australia. I was so desperate to go to the RED tour I hatched a plan to spend a day or two getting to Brisbane for the show and back and continuing my schoolies holiday after seeing Taylor. But mum wouldn’t let me because nobody wanted to come with me and she wouldn’t let me go by myself. I was 17 so kinda fair enough (especially being in another state) but also, god damn! This is the tour I’m MOST upset for missing; I love the RED album. Anyway, I’ve been to every tour since RED now so 🤷‍♀️.

When 1989 came out I listened to it in my car driving between mine and my boyfriend’s place basically every time I visited him. This boy became my man and we’re still together, going on 7 years in April next year! 😍❤

I actually WON my 1989 tour tickets from a local radio station!! I couldn’t afford the tickets and nobody understood that every Taylor concert is a new and wonderful experience, so they would say “you’ve already seen her before” 🤦‍♀️

I listened to the radio everywhere I drove (on my licence by myself now btw guys yay) and at home when I was studying. The competition was “Swiftie or 50”. One afternoon I rang like a million times and I GOT THROUGH. The competition was choosing between tickets to the 1989 World Tour or going in the draw for $50,000. And as I’m sure you fellow swifties can relate, I was not being convinced on anything other than the tickets. They played all these promo snippets of things you could do with the money but I was like “no I’m still going to take the tickets” HAHA. My heart rate was through the roof but I GOT THEM AND RAN AROUND THE HOUSE SCREAMING IN EXCITEMENT!! 😁😁 I took mum with me to the tour again since a love of Taylor and her music was something we continued to share. I bought a T-shirt and the concert program again. I wore and still wear this t-shirt to death! Lol

In 2017 I moved to Melbourne on my own to pursue a degree in osteopathy. I had roommates for the first time in my life and wasn’t sure what they would think of my love for Taylor. But thankfully they embrace it and one of them came along the ride that was Reputation era. Well the release of LWYMMD and everything leading up to the album. We lost our minds (well I did) at the mv for LWYMMD when we put it on the big tv in the lounge room haha. I took my cousin Lauren to the Reputation Stadium Tour tour with me. We saw Taylor in Melbourne and Lauren travelled down and we made a girls weekend out of it. This was the first concert I dressed up for and I freaking loved it. Although we got some looks and questions on the train to the city HAHA!

We had an absolutely amazing time together, memories neither of us will forget, probably my favourite tour so far!! It was also cool to see Charli XCX together again because we saw her in Sydney one time together. Oh and we we’re old enough to have a drink or two 😉🥂

That brings me to Lover, at 23 years old and having been with my boyfriend for nearly 7 years. He’s fully aware of my love for Taylor and her music. He was visiting (we are doing this relationship long distance whilst I study in Melbourne) when Me! came out. We were driving somewhere and I got the vid up on YT and listened and watched with my phone connected by Bluetooth to the car while he drive us around. Since then he’s been learning the Taylor songs quicker and messages me when he hears it a thousand times on the radio at work lol. YNTCD shook me in the best way possible, I love every bit of it! Lover (the song) came out and touched me immediately. I can truly relate to the love it conveys and it makes me feel so so nice, I think of my boyfriend all the time, and often when listening to Taylor songs hehe. Lover might even be my favourite track on the album because of these lovey feelings it gives me, and that’s saying something because I struggle to choose favourites. I really really love(r) all of Taylor’s songs!!

Okay if you’re still here, freaking well done and I appreciate you so much! Soz it’s a bit, okay a lot, long!! If you wanna help @taylorswift​ possibly see this that would be pretty amazing! 💕💕💕

Love, Tara

#my swiftie story #australian swiftie #swiftie story #me! #lover #lover era #taylor swift

[sylvieons]

Music survey because I’m bored

1. What are you listening to right now? Hozier - Talk

2. What song makes you sad? Taylor Swift - Soon You'll Get Better.  This is the only song that has ever made me cry in my entire life because it hits extremely close to home

3. What is the most annoying song in the world?

?

4. Your all-time favorite band? Nightwish. Or Kamelot. I can't choose.

5. Your newly discovered band? Thy Art is Murder

6. Best female voice? Floor Jansen

7. Best male voice? Tommy Karevik, Roy Khan, Mikael Åkerfeldt, Adam Lambert

8. Music type you find yourself listening to the most? Metal.  I also listen to a decent amount of pop, but I think metal edges it out

9. What do you listen to, to hype you up? Powerwolf, Sabaton

10. What do you listen to, to calm down? Doom metal is great for this.  Especially Doom:VS and My Dying Bride

11. Last gig/concert you went to? Korpiklaani & Eluveitie

12. Band you find yourself listening to the most right now? Not a band, but Taylor Swift

13. Most hated band? I really hate Green Day and have for a very long time so I think they win the award.  Like, you probably could not even pay me to go to a Green Day concert, I'd just be  like "no thanks".  In contrast, you can probably pay me to do most anything else

14. Song that makes you think? How dare you think I think

15. Band that you think the world should love as much as you do? Amaranthe. They're so much fun. I consider them "pop metal" which is an absolute compliment because those are the top tier music genres.

16. Coolest music video? I don't really watch music videos so idk. Maybe Lithium by Evanescence 

17. Music video with the most babe watch? Any Taylor Swift video.  Look What You Made Me Do and Blank Space  hngggggggggh

18. What "do you play/would you play" in the bedroom to spice things up? This question is irrelevant to me.

19. Can you play a musical instrument? No

20. Ever been in a mosh pit? No

21. Are you in a band? No

23. Ever dated a musician? No

28. Do you wish yourself that you were a musician? Yeah, I'd love to be able to play the piano or guitar or violin

29. Best chick band you know of? Man, it's sad that I can't even think of one

31. Last song that you heard on the radio/cd...etc...? Probably Ed Sheeran (sp?) on the radio. Once he was on multiple stations at once I was losing my mind. Please stop.

32. What do you think of Classical music? I want to like it, but it usually bores me. I don't like instrumental music, period.

33. What do you think of Country music? It's alright. Love Tanya Tucker.

34. What do you think of Death Metal? I don't listen to much straight up death metal, it's always preceded by shit like "technical symphonic" (Fleshgod Apocalypse) but. That's still death metal.  In which case, I very much appreciate death metal

36. Are you a groupie? No

37. Do you listen to music in foreign languages? I used to, but not anymore really

38. What famous musician do you find sexy? Taylor Swift

42. Best local act you can think of? Idk. Bon Jovi? lmao. idk idk. I never go anywhere to listen to local indie bands so I wouldn't know

43. If you were a musical instrument, what would you be? Violin.  They're elegant, and I want to be like that.

44. Do you listen to the radio? Sometimes when I can't be bothered to pick a CD  up off the floor of my car, yes. Then I get assaulted by Ed Sheeran.   

45. Do you watch music TV? No

46. Do you follow the music charts, like the top 40? No

47. Have you met any famous musicians? I've met Nightwish, Kamelot, and Adam Lambert

48. Are any of your friends/family etc. musicians? My mom used to play guitar and sing country music for people in the nursing home etc. And she was also on the local TV station playing her original songs.

49. Song that best describes your feelings right now? Stop making me think so hard this is too hard

51. Do you know the names of all the band members that you listen to? fasklfasd no.  Cue that time I went to see Carach Angren and one of the musicians that was not the singer came to the merch table and I just looked at him and then panicked and ran away because I had absolutely no idea which one he was.  It doesn't help that two of them are brothers and they were all wearing corpse paint so I couldn't tell them apart. And even if I could, I have absolutely no idea what anyone's name is besides Seregor.

52. Does a musician’s physical attractiveness play a role in the music, that you listen to? No

53. What famous musician do you want to marry? I will only get married if my husband is Tom Hiddleston so that answer is - nobody

54. Any musician pet hates?

?

55. What do your parents listen to? My mom used to listen to country and modern Christian music.  My dad was like...obsessed with Joan Jett

56. What are you listening to right NOW? Hozier - Wasteland, Baby!

57. What song is stuck in your head right now? Graveyard by Halsey

58. Do you sing in the shower? No

59. How important is your partner's taste in music to you? Ain't go no partner, buddy

60. Sex, Drugs and Rock'n'Roll, you dig? Not...not really, no

#about meme

[kelsisboring]

I think there are a lot of reasons I’m so sad about the upcoming installments of Lover shows. I don’t doubt @taylorswift has more up her sleeves, but I also don’t deny her the right to take time for herself, for whatever reason(s). Initially I was upset because this series of shows feels Uber exclusive; it feels like something only super rich fans can attend; fans who have been to everything have time to get noticed, but a bunch of Merch and so on. I’m disappointed at first because I feel like the first time I ever saw Taylor during the rep era with my step daughter (who fell asleep and was crying and we had to leave after b stage) was so magical; we were in the nosebleeds with tickets gifted to us for Christmas. I remember crying when I got the tickets. I remember crying when Taylor came out on stage. I remember being the only person up there singing every word to “hey Stephen”. It’s like it was me and Taylor and literally that was it. She made it personal from the nosebleeds. I hoped and prayed I might meet her but I knew lots of other dedicated fans were there that night and I was totally fine with waiting my turn. I found stan twitter and I’ve made so many friends who haven’t met her and who have and we love her all so much the same! A year ago today I was getting ready for that rep show. I can’t believe how long ago it feels. I wanted to relive it as soon as it was over. I wanted every person I met to know I had the most magical time ever with Taylor Swift. Needless to say I was looking forward to this era and a full blown tour and the opportunity to go to a few shows within driving distance to feel that same high again. I had discussed it with my husband, begun to work it into the budget, all the while delighting in the upcoming Lover era. Then Lover came! I got so excited to hear it all live! School started but I kept hyping the album and wearing my home made Merch every chance I got! I just love Taylor and have felt a real connection with her ever since the rep era. That connection feels fleeting now. It really feels like the end of an era. I know rep was such an intimate time for Taylor and for us because we stayed and we supported her. I wish I could say I had the opportunity to go to more shows before but I couldn’t ever afford it. My daughter asked for one thing for her birthday: tonsee taylor Swift in concert again. I told her we would have to see what Taylor had planned. I felt like I was so close to meeting taylor; I could practically feel it. But I guess that is the danger in hopeful thinking. I know Taylor would be proud of me working hard taking 10 credit hours as a part time student while also being a full time mom and teaching and like trying to live a life. I know she wouldn’t be impressed if I threw it away to drive to either coast for her, though I would and have considered it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, that Taylor means so much to me, but she can’t mean everything to me. I have to mean something to me as well, and I have to keep my life in perspective. One day eventually I’ll get to experience Taylor live again, I hope! But if not, I had that one night of magic and I will always have that to remember, because some haven’t even had that!! Right now I’m trying to remember that Taylor and her team have her reasons. I just hope @taylorswift knows how sad I am I can’t be around to support you more. It breaks my heart that I can’t. But I’ll always do whatever I can, because you do the same for all of your fans!

[seleniftie]

Meeting Taylor.

It’s Sunday evening, I’m on the plane taking me back to Berlin. I’ve cried three times today. The pressure is off, the adrenaline is gone, and it hit me suddenly this morning: I met Taylor Swift.

I’ve been a fan of Taylor since 2009 and never got to see her live until this era. Each tour was a mix of happiness and sadness because I couldn’t make it. So when the UK tour dates of the Reputation tour were released and my friend Morgen bought us tickets without even knowing if I could make it, I couldn’t believe it. It was finally gonna happen, I was gonna see her.

When the tour kicked off, I was mind-blown. The positive energy radiating around Tumblr was incredible. With each tour date, I watched all of my friends getting picked to meet her and it couldn’t be more exciting cause they deserved it so much. I got lots of messages telling me it would happen for me too, especially since Taylor has been following my blog for three years and regularly likes my posts but I didn’t think anything of it — like everyone else on this website, I reblogged my tour posts in case she would see them but I was just rejoicing over the fact that I was finally going to see her.

But then something happened. On a Monday, June 18 at 8:25PM, I went on Tumblr and a DM notification almost immediately popped up on the app. I stopped breathing. It was Taylor Nation. What?! I clicked on the notification and there right under my eyes was a confidential message from Taylor’s team, telling me they’ve got an exciting opportunity they’d like to tell me about and asking me for my information and the best times to reach me. I fucking lost it. I was shaking and hyperventilating and couldn’t believe it it was ME who got that DM. I called my parents absolutely in shock before DMing them back. Then came the paranoia: when are they going to call me? what are they gonna say? I’d seen that they’d usually call people on the Thursday so I decided to keep on living normally and didn’t cancel any of my plans which I told Taylor Nation about. My week was so full!! On Tuesday evening my supervisor and I were invited to see an opera ballet one hour away from Berlin —  so fancy. I was honestly so happy to be there. At some point during the concert though, I decided to check my phone and suddenly froze. I had a missed call from an American number 7 minutes ago. You guys, I flipped my shit. I left the room in a hurry and tried to call Taylor Nation back. No answer. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I was panicking. What if I’d lost the opportunity of a lifetime? I tried to call them back a few times but nothing. A few minutes later though, my phone rang. It was them again!! But then the nightmare went on — I was lost in the countryside and had NO signal. The woman on the phone began to talk but I heard her pretty badly and suddenly the line cut off. She called me back again and I only had the time to explain my situation before it cut off again. We both were trying to call each other but it was a complete failure, and I was left stressed out. I immediately messaged TN to ask them to call me later or the next day.

The next day, I couldn’t calm down. I was bringing my phone with me everywhere I was going. You guys I was feeling so unwell, literally thinking « what if they don’t call me back? ». During the evening I went to another concert for work. God, it was amazing but I barely was listening. Try to picture it: a pianist and a cellist inspired by God playing Debussy and me in the background, phone in hands, stress at its highest level. At one point, my phone lights up: IT’S THEM! And dumbass Camille freaks out so much she declines the call. I swear I thought they would be sooo done with me at this moment, I was hating myself so much for being so clumsy. Thirty minutes later though, they called me back again and my Leaving-A-Fancy-Concert-Event-Thing-With-High-Heels number occurred once again. « Hello? Hi? Are you here ? » — it was the same person who called me the day before. A woman sounding very American. She asked me if she was talking to Camille, told me it was Taylor Nation and that they’d learned I was going to the show on Saturday and that they had a special opportunity for me. She asked me for my info and told me I’ll have to pick up something for me at the box office on the day of the show between 4 and 5, and that they’ll confirm it to me. I was so excited. I had read similar stories before and was almost sure of what it meant: I was going to meet Taylor Swift.

On Thursday I left for London. I there joined my baby Morgen in a hotel in the very lost south of the city, and we had the time of our lives. Friday was even more incredible. We made it to the stadium and there I met my best internet friends. Holly, Jenny, Bessie, Katy, Clément, Aurélie, Marion, Clémence, Ghada, Maya, this is for you. I’m so so so so excited I got to meet you guys!!! We had the best time. Once we entered the stadium, I got so emotional — after nine years, I was finally going to see the person who had inspired me so much for all these years. When she went up onstage I…. lost it. I was crying so much and I had the best time. The concert was obviously fabulous and something incredible happened: Morgen and I were right next to the barriers between the two B-Stages and throughout the night Charli XCX winked at us and touched my hand, then Camila did…. then… Taylor did. There she was, looking like a doll so close to me, grabbing my hand. I couldn’t think straight and came back home absolutely enchanted.

I wake up and it’s Saturday. I go on Tumblr and see Taylor Nation sent me a DM to tell I was confirmed. OH GOD I WAS SO EXCITED. Yet somehow, still couldn’t believe it…. I had so much to do on that day but started it off by making sure I would look my best for the moment I had been waiting for for years. When we were finally ready, we left for the train… but there was no train. Panic attack. I had to be at the stadium in two hours, was currently in the lost countryside of London and there was no train taking us to the stadium, to Taylor. After checking on the internet we found another way to get there but thank god Morgen stayed calm cause I felt so panicked and anxious and kept on saying « I can’t miss it I can’t miss the opportunity». Long story short, we made it there early (and we even had the time to stop at the Waterloo station for me to put on a bit of perfume).

4pm came faster than I thought it would. I started walking nervously to the box office and that’s where I first saw @thefirstdayswift and @9tay8tay9 and @ifoundtaylor13 and @imsoproudoftaylor . YOU GIRLS!!! I then walked up to the counter and told the person behind it I have to pick up something at my name. « On which guest list are you? ». Dude. I HAVE NO IDEA. He then handed me an envelope with my name on it and the following: « Meet & Greet ». It was getting so real I started to be really emotional. I then proceeded to open the letter (you can watch the video here) and my friends came and gave me the biggest hugs, we were all there sobbing and jumping around of excitement. It was 4 and we had to be at the section 144 at 5:45. LET ME TELL YOU IT WAS THE LONGEST WAIT EVER. We bought merch and ate our dinner and Morgen finished our outfits and then it was time. IT WAS TIME SHGDLFJGNSKLJN. I was so excited yet so stressed out. I asked a security guy how I could access the section 144 though I had tickets for the block 551 and he told me not to worry, that I just had to go to my gate and then once I was in, walk around the stadium… Oh how I wish it was that easy. Once we entered the gate we had to take an escalator that directly led us to our block. Realizing that I couldn’t access the section where we had to meet Taylor Nation, I walked up to another security guy and told him everything and let me tell you he was my lifesaver and I wouldn’t have made it without him. He looked at me dead in the eye and said « follow me, okay? ». Morgen looked at me and said « oh my god, it’s time already??? Have the best time and DO NOT FREEZE LIKE I DID » and he hugged me so tight. Then the security agent walked me around the stadium, asking all of his colleagues along the way and guys literally no one working there had any idea of what was up with our blue papers. He was so sweet and reassuring telling me we still had time and asked me how I was feeling and we took secret lifts and passed the security and to anyone asking him what was up he said « she’s got a meet and greet and she’s with me ». At this point I realized I had found my guardian angel and I’m so bummed I didn’t ask for his name but shoutout to you superman cause you saved my life.

At 5:45, we arrived at the section 144 and I saw other girls with the blue paper. My Superhero made sure I was at the right place then wished me lots of fun. I started talking with everyone and that’s when I got to have a proper talk with Helena and let me tell you she’s the sweetest bean! Her mom was with us and was very friendly. They then opened the doors of the stadium and we found ourselves out right next to other blocks and bleachers (we could see the stage). We were asked to walk down the stairs. There were lots of Swifties on the other side of the barriers cheering us on and it was the sweetest thing ever! Once we were downstairs there was this massive entrance and we waited there for about 15 minutes. I got to talk with the twins Pauline and Florine as well while waiting and I started feeling very, very good. Just… very good. This guy from Taylor Nation came up to us and checked our names and gave us the renowned « Reputation Meet & Greet » wristband. I said remember this moment in the back of my mind. A few minutes later and we’re taken inside of the stadium, backstage. We walk into a big lounge with lots of food and couches and there is Scott Swift on our left, greeting us. It was weird seeing him in real life but I enthusiastically said « HI SCOTT! » and he was like « hey girls how are you doing! ». He seemed so happy to be there. From the lounge we could see the Rep Room and we freaked out. We were taken right in front of it and were asked to leave our things on a table and to enter the Rep Room. I’ll never forget this moment cause I held the twins and Helena and we walked in there hugging. The Rep Room was gorgeous, way more beautiful than in pictures. There was music playing, a TV with the Delicate music video on it, drinks on the left and cooked and baked food in the back with the throne. They told us to form a queue and the M&G almost immediately started.

Florine, Pauline and I looked at each other and said « Wait. We’re in the Rep Room and we don’t have the right to walk around it? FUCK IT. ». We walked to the cocktail bar and there were several drinks we could choose from, each being indicated with a Taylor Swift lyric sign. That’s when I saw the « I knew it from the first OLD-FASHIONED we were cursed ». Should I drink alcohol right before meeting Taylor Swift? HELL YEAH. So there we were, drinking an old-fashioned in the rep room and it was so iconic. Then the woman in the back of the room close to the M&G asked us to get in line so we just left our drinks and went back in the queue. That’s when GODDESS TREE PAINE stops at the entrance of the Rep Room and greets us. Most people didn’t see her but I got to talk to her with a few friends and we mentioned the Proud Signs Project we had organized the night before. She said she saw it come to life and it was beautiful and she was being very friendly and she waved back at me when she left.

I started focusing on the moment. The twins looked at me and said «Camille, SHE IS THERE. » I paid attention and suddenly heard TAYLOR FRICKING SWIFT LAUGHING AND TALKING AND I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING?????? I was the third last person and the twins were right before me. As the line got smaller and smaller I noticed the food and went through the same mental process of should I eat right before meeting Taylor Swift but there was a cookie and honestly isn’t it goals to eat a cookie in the rep room so I quickly left the line to get one and ate it. But then I realized that the twins were next and then it was my turn… so I just left a half-eaten cookie on the furniture, sorry @taylorswift  and @taylornation for the inconvenience, it was delicious do not worry.

As the girls went into the room to meet Taylor, I was alone with Ghada and Morgan right behind me. I focused and told myself one last time what I wanted to tell Taylor (had also written them on my wrist just in case). It was happening. It was my moment and it was happening. The woman with the list (who I believe was Erika) asked me for my name and gave me the little card with which I could have access to my photo with Taylor. I could see Taylor. She was wearing this black t-shirt and had this kaki jacket wrapped around her waist (that turned out to be a fake-shirt skirt thanks @taylorswiftstyle ) and she had those killer heels high knee velvet black boots. Her hair was so pretty and she was telling the twins about how she had seen their tour post six months ago.

Then fate happened. I swear it did. One of my favorite songs of all time, Want You Back by Haim, started playing. I just love it so much!! I started dancing. Then the woman told me « okay it’s your turn » and I walk inside the room while dancing and I say « oh helloooothereeee »…

« Oh hi there buddy! » — a magical fairy princess walks up to me in all haste and hugs me. I’m in Taylor Swift’s arms and decide to introduce myself cause I wasn’t sure if she recognized me or not so while my head is in her hair I softly say « Hey, I’m Cee, seleniftie ». The magical fairy princess steps back and looks at me and her face lits up and I don’t know how I survived cause it was genuine but she looks at me deep in the eyes and shouts « OH MY GOD I LOVE YOUR BLOG SO MUCH YOU’RE SO AMAZING ». I look at her and say thank you I can’t believe you know my blog and she tells me how I’m always so positive and sweet which I reply to by saying that I try my best to send off positive vibes and she was like « that’s so nice, like honestly your posts always make me feel better ». You know how serious Taylor can get when she makes a speech or says something she genuinely means? That’s how she sounded and looked like. The room was silent but I couldn’t hear the music anymore, and still now I can clearly hear her say those words to me. But I played it cool, I have no idea how. So I then tell her how it’s been 3 years already since she followed me and I thank her for liking all those posts and she’s like « oh thank you! » and I tell her it’s so nice to meet her. I also thank her for wanting to meet me and she goes off like « oh I saw your post months ago and sent it my team as soon as possible, and like especially with the London shows I knew it would be hectic (that word really struck me) so I wanted to make sure I’d meet you » and in my mind a monkey jumps from tree to tree while playing cymbals but at this moment, I swear to you guys, I was being myself 100% and had no stress or whatsoever. Our conversation was so natural and she looked genuinely happy to see me. She then looks at me and says « oh my god you’re SO beautiful » which I reply to by saying « thanks you too! » and there I saw The Necklace™, it was really standing out since she was wearing this black t shirt so I just point at it and touch it and say « and look at that! oooooh » while doing the shimmy shoulders and she laughed and did the shimmy shoulders too and I was just out there backstage at the Wembley Stadium doing shimmy shoulders with Taylor Swift over the necklace that inspired my favorite song of hers like it’s a thing that happened.

We were just looking at each other so happily and there was this 0,2 seconds long blank and I suddenly reconnected to reality and heard Want You Back was still playing. I know she loves it a lot too and she liked my post about seeing HAIM two weeks ago so I start talking about them but she starts talking at the same time saying « so/do you… » and I was so unsettled cause TAYLOR SWIFT WAS TALKING TO ME that I mumbled something that apparently made no sense cause she looked at me all focused and serious and said « HUH? ». So there I go again telling « I love the music playing in the background, it’s Haim I love them » and she’s like « OH YEAHHH they’re amazing » and I tell her how I saw them in concert and she’s like « oh yeah you saw them in London? » and I said « no I saw them in Berlin » and it’s hitting me now that she actually remembered my post cause HAIM was playing in London a week before and I saw them two weeks before so she wasn’t exactly sure of the timeline but she remembered okay bye 

(Also did I mention all this time she was looking at me in the eyes ??? we’re both very animatic people so I remember me doing gestures and her moving around and just feeling very at ease but she did! not! break! the! eye! contact! ever!) (and I have no actual memory of this but when I went out of the rep room I recorded my story on my phone and apparently she told me « you’re such a sweet person, you’re so nice » right after we talked about HAIM what what what)

This small talk helped me recollect my thoughts and I remembered my time was limited so I tell her « okay there’s one thing I really want you to know », and I tell her that I play music and I make covers and her face lits up again and she steps back and shouts « OMIGOD I DID NOT KNOW THAT OMIGOD » and I tell her how I’ve done a cover of Babe (reaction to that: « OHHHH THAT’S AMAZING OH MY GOD ») and pretty much all her songs and how they’re on my Tumblr and she can check them out and she told me « OMIGOD that’s so cool I need to check them out ».

Right after Taylor looked at me and walked up to me again and said « so hey, should we take a picture » so she pulls me closer and turns to me and opens her arms and i’m like fuckfuckfuck and look on my left and see all the people in there I didn’t even notice and we hug really tight and pose. We were hugging so tight I literally forgot to smile with my teeth so 2 seconds before they take the picture I open my mouth and that’s why i was so scared of the picture being awkward, but it turned out to be lovely.

The moment we released our embrace I saw a man coming out of the exit of the room with the signed papers and I knew what it meant (your time is over bitch) but I wanted to talk to her about something else so I immediately started talking only to realize that she was making sure with the photographer that the photo was good and she didn’t blink eyes or anything so I quickly said sorry and yeah I always have to check too cause it happens all the time. She nodded and was turning her back to the autograph-guy (let’s call him like that) and I was like you go girl it’s your moment so I tell her about the PROUD signs project that took place the night before and that I helped to organize and I was telling her how amazing it was and how I was running around with my friends giving the pieces of paper to people asking them to raise the sign during the song and she thanked me and told me that it was amazing and explained to me that she’s hardly surprised by things but that our project got her « really really surprised » and she wasn’t expecting it.

I then told her it was so nice to finally meet her and she told me the same and I have no idea of whether we hugged or not cause it was all a blur, the autograph-guy was handing me the paper being like « thanks for coming goodbye » but I remember us saying goodbye and Taylor quickly telling me « I will definitely check out your covers » and I left. They told me to follow someone and I walked back through the lounge and made my way outside and I saw the twins and we hugged so tight. We couldn’t believe it. Then my security guy superhero was waiting for me and you guys he literally walked me back to my section #ANGEL and I thanked him. I then walked up the stairs to Morgen and it was the longest walk ever. I was in shock. I was hardly breathing and it took me forever to get up there, I was holding my autograph and my things so tightly and when Morgen saw me he knew. I could see how proud he was. This random lady asked me if I was okay and I told her I’d just met Taylor and she was very confused and then I told Morgen everything and told you guys… and that’s the story of how I met Taylor Swift. The show was amazing, and at some point she talked about how she had met people at the London shows that were coming from different countries and it made me feel so happy and included. She knows that especially with the UK shows many of us were traveling from far away and she’s so appreciative of it.

Once we came back home I logged on the website with Morgen and Holly on the phone and my picture got uploaded so slowly it was torture, but the moment I saw our faces touching I lost it and started sobbing so slowly… It was 1AM so 2AM in France but I called my parents and they were so happy and excited for me, I really didn’t expect them to be that supportive but I think they were really happy for me and excited that my biggest dreams had come true. I couldn’t sleep and I went to bed at 4am, and Morgen woke up at 5:30am cause he had to take his bus. We hugged in a rush and when I woke up a few hours later I was alone with my memories. I cried a lot that day but seeing my friend Holly helped a lot.

I can’t believe I’m writing this story, and it’s almost done but it wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t mention you who’s reading this. Thank you. When I created my Tumblr account three years ago, I would have never expected to bond with so many people, make so many friendships and be part of such a beautiful community. Many of my friends told me that when I posted I had met Taylor their dashboard was filled with posts being like « CEE MET TAYLOR » and I obviously wasn’t there to see it but one thing I know is that my notifications were blown up and it made the moment even more magical.

To Taylor -- now I’ve told you that in person but thank you for wanting to meet me and thank you for being such a lovely person. Meeting you felt like meeting a friend and I feel like we clicked cause we are the same person on many levels. Thank you for giving so much of your time to your fans and to me - when I heard Love Story in my pink bedroom at 12 I would have never imagined that a few years later the princess in the castle would want to meet me.

I started writing this story on the plane but now I’m home on my bed. I went back to my normal life, to my internship, to my German capital but I’ll always look back on that weekend, that bubble of happiness with a heart full of love. Because in this moment, everything I had ever wanted...had just happened. ❤️

- Cee -

#and that's my story of meeting taylor swift #i can't believe it #i love you all so much #c met t

[tide-pod-swiftie]

So. This is super random but I was listening to the first TS album and it honestly brought me back.

~

I was 9 years old, my room was princess themed handpainted by my mom. It looked like I was the princess in the tower, a castle in the distance. It was very purple, even my cd player was purple. But that’s beside the point.

My mom came home from target one day and showed me the cd (likely having already listened to it because thats what moms do.) she thought I would like it so she picked it up for me to listen to. 9 year old me was only acquainted with Disney and what my mother played on the radio so this was like the biggest thing to me, like I remember feeling super grown up because this was MY cd and to me there was this super pretty girl on the cover that reminded me of a princess with a huge mane of blonde curly hair with butterflies around her. Basically Taylor Swift was already the best thing ever and I hadn’t even turned on my cd player yet.

I didn’t know who Tim McGraw was but I wanted to, my 9 year old self didn’t know what it was like to be so mad at a boy like in Picture to Burn but I knew all the lyrics, A Place in This World became an anthem of mine as I got older and life got hard. Our Song became the kind of love I knew I wanted when grew up.

Taylor quickly became someone for me to look up to.

~

Fast forward and im 11 years old. Its 2008 and my mom and I go to target playing Taylor Swift the entire way there, theres a new album my favorite singer has new music and the first thing I do when I get it is put it in the car cd player to listen to on our way home.

And just like that. I had a new love to asipre to, I wanted it to be like Fearless and Love Story, my mom loved The Best Day so much it made her cry. Later on when kids got mean Change joined A Place in This World.

~

Then there was the Fearless tour. It was 2010 and we traveled to go see it having missed the show in my hometown for reasons I no longer remember. Mom and I made a it a girls trip. We stayed at the hilton and apparently so did either Taylor herself or somone who worked with her did too because in the parking lot was her tour bus. My mom made me stand in front of it for a photo while I was VERY concerned with disrupting anyone who might be inside (I mean a world tour must be tiring right? I didn’t want to impose.)

~

Also 2010, speak now. I had a new love I wanted to find one day in Mine and Enchanted. Long Live and Mean were added to my 13 year old selfs anthums. My mother and I listened to Taylor on her ipod in the car on the way to school.

~

Fast forward to 2012 and Im a 15 year old goth kid who has a love for both heavy metal and country as well as a slew of other music. Its no longer ‘cool’ to love Taylor Swift and lucky me, I wasnt cool anyways nor did I want to be. Red came out and it was a totally different sound than what I had ever heard from my favorite singer before, I had met a boy who made me understand picture to burn and 15 (altho ill never admit it out loud) because frankly he sucked and I was way too good for him. But I was dancing around my practically all black room in my all black clothes to State of Grace and We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. The Moment I Knew still makes my mother and I sad because no girl should have to feel that way. 22 gave me another new thing to look forward to. Strangely enough I wanted a love a bit like Stay Stay Stay.

~

Oh my god it 2015, im 17 turning 18 graduating highschool (still goth. still not cool. Still a Swiftie.) but I’m moving to new york, im making a playlist my life is just about to REALLY begin.

I sit on the plane by my mom, not entirely sure what I have gotten myself into, moving across the country. The year before around the time I decided my future destination 1989 came out and im listening to Welcome To New York on repeat in my seat, mentally prepared for those heartbeats under coats, Shake It Off had long since become another anthum for me along with New Romantics. I havent found love, but I want one like You Are In Love.

~

Its 2017, Im still in New York. Its long since become my home Im not always as dramatically dark as I was when I was 15 but its still there. I had JUST made an instagram in December of 2016 because frankly Im still not a fan of social media...but Taylor Swift is on instagram and I still love her. Taylors instagram went dark. I was BEYOND excited feeling my esthetic come out FINALLY people would stop being shocked that I love Taylor because girl is gonna make them all see she’s a powerhouse.

Look What You Made Me Do arrives and I am LIVING this era. Im buying up merch and playing it on repeat. When ticketmaster tells me i can score a place in line by watching videos, I have them playing 24/7 I haven’t been to a TS tour since I was a kid. time was always in my way. NOT THIS TIME! I wouldn’t allow it. My mom and I text endlessly about her new album. Mums favorite is New Years Day and I struggle to choose but land on I Did Something Bad. I want a love like King of My Heart and Delicate. She agrees that yes we should certainly go to the concert together, it’s exactly a month after my 21st birthday and Taylor has always been our thing.

~

July 21st, my mom and I go to New Jersy, VIP passes around our necks (her birthday gift to me) im in a snakeskin miniskirt and the concert is POURING rain. Its. Friggin. Magic. Were screaming all the lyrics and dancing around, not even realizing how soaked we are.

~

Its 2019 now, Im turning 22 this year, and obviously my birthday playlist holds that song in several places. ME! Has just been released. I joined tumblr this year to theorize with my fellow Swifties and Twitter to get updates from Taylor. I bought something pastel to wear for the first time in years and am slowly figuring out how to add it to my all dark wardrobe.

~

I wonder what my 9 year old self would say if she knew that I was here 13 years later informing my mother that we needed to go to another concert. If she knew the girl with all that curly hair on her CD would become her role model through life.

I have never believed in idolizing people because we are human and all make mistakes but Taylor Swift is the closest I have ever gotten to one.

I feel like although there’s an age gap, I grew up with her (mentally) her music in my head for the majority of my life making me want to be a better person and putting a smile on my face.

~

This isn’t something she will ever read, hell I would be surprised if anyone ever does because its long af and no one has time for this. But honestly I felt like it was worth putting out there because not many people ever get past simply screaming ‘OMG TAYLOR I LOVE YOU!!’

I just wanted to explain why on the off chance, she or someone else would see it and think ‘huh me too.’ Or put a smile on their face.

~

So basically, thank you @taylorswift for helping make me the person I am today and being there for me via song when lifes been hard as I grew up.

I love you not because of the insane theories and crazy detailed performances (although those are fun) but because you never let your fans forget that they are loved and that we all mean the world to you, because you have helped so many young girls find their place in this world.

#taylor swift #taylornation #swifties #taylor swift fan #i love you tay tay #thank you taylor swift

[theonetrueemo]

Answer all the cute ask questions

HHHHHHHH- THATS SO MANY

angel; do you have a nickname?

On here people just call me Alex but irl people call me Lily even though my name is Lilith

awe; how old are you?

13

baby; favorite color?

BLACK!....Purple....

bloop; spirit animal?

Wolf

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?

Favorite movie is Freddy vs Jason, favorite book is Carry On by Rainbow Rowell, and favorite song is what ever I feel like at that moment.

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?

A cute little pupper.

breeze; most precious childhood memory?

Idk......

bright; mermaids or fairies?

Fairies because unlike mermaids I think they do exist

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

@loved-and-i-lost-you @smol-satanist-666 @gay-leader @ihaveapizzzacollection @jokerstrueidentity

buttercup; showers or baths?

Baths but I never take them

butterfly; dream destination?

London

buttons; are you religious or spiritual?

Uh??....

calm; favorite scent?

Haunted Castle look it up its amazing.

candlelight; what did you dream about last night?

Martin Persner...........

charming; have you ever been in love?

@ihaveapizzzacollection

cozy; eye/hair color?

Eye color is blue and my hair is very dark brown. But I am gonna dye is in the near future

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?

Like....in the day or?....Well midnight and or 1920s-1960s

cupcake; favorite flower/plant?

I like buttercups a lot

cute; what did you get on your last birthday?

Ghost merch

cutie pie; most precious item you own?

.....Ghost merch.....No seriously my favorite thing I own is my Freddy Krueger glove.

cutsie; what makes you happy?

.................

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.

Never......

daydream; how do you want to be remembered?

“That satanist girl obsessed with Multi”

daylight; favorite album of all time?

OPUS! EPONYMOUS!

dear; zodiac sign?

Aquarius....

delightful; concerts or museums?

Concerts. Museums are so silent....I hate it....

dimples; have you ever written a letter?

Yes many times.

dobby; dream job?

Artist or making all the gore in horror movies or working at a morgue....

doll; how do you like to dress?

Masculine

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?

Yes everyday

dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?

No but I want multiple

drizzle; do you believe in aliens?

Yeah duh. Watch Shane Dawson

euphoric; talk about someone you love.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhh- No...

fairy; do you have a pet?

I have 6. 5 cats 1 dog.

fluffy; ocean or mountain?

Ocean. For years I have wanted to be a Marine Biologist but I dont think it will work.

forever; where do you feel time stop?

What?.....

froglet; are you a good plant owner?

Idk....

garden; how many languages do you know?

6

gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?

@ anyone I talk to

giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?

Emo/goth/satanic

glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?

I like all asks

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

Shins, emo/goth, satanic, I am some what good at drawing and I think I am a kind person

heart; silk or lace?

Silk because A) It feels nice and B) Lace is see through so fuck that.

honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?

Tea. Hot tea once its made you take TWO table spoons of sugar mix it in and just a little bit of milk. Its perfect.

hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?

People watching, I’m an Aquarius.

hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?

Ghost, Otep, Slipknot, MCC, ect.

jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?

Rain. Thunder and lightning.

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?

Literally nothing.

joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?

Giggle....

kinky; do you blush easily?

It depends....

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?

Pick up lines!!!

kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?

Midnight or Dusk.

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?

Ghost.

love; what is your favorite season and why?

Winter or Spring because its cold

lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?

I’ve never had a macaron......But I like vanilla ice cream.

magic; what are five flaws you have?

I could write a book so if I tried we would be here all day.

moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?

DARKS

munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?

Idk.....Loyalty is the most important thing to me.

paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?

At home on the couch with some Chinese food and a true crime show on netflix.

pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?

Reading fanfic about a ship I like.

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?

Life sucks

pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?

Bake.

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?

Better than other 13 year olds. I’m pretty proud of it actually.

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?

I play the keyboard and a little guitar. I would like to take actual classes for the keyboard but we can’t all have what we want.

prinky; how do you relieve stress?

Listening to Ghost, screaming or just....crying....

pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?

BROCCOLI! EVERY KID HATES IT FOR SOME REASON BUT I’VE LOVED THAT SINCE I WAS 1

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?

“Omega swallowed and Alpha fell on top of Omega and they fell asleep”

roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?

Idk.....

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?

Idk....OH coming out to my family. It still feels like a dream....

shine; art or music?

DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE!!!

shimmer; do animals tend to like you?

I have 6 what do you think.

smitten; do you collect anything?

Pop funkos...I have 23....

smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?

7 are on my bed but I never use them at all. My head is always on the mattress.

snuggle; what is your favourite candy?

Anything really....

snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

I have my iPad.

sparkle; do you wear jewelry?

Fuck no. Actually I wear a Harry Potter ring.

spooky; sunrise or sunset?

Sunset!

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

Noise cancelling headphones.

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?

(Just to be clear...I still like these shows to this day) Octonots or Wild Krats!!! I FUCKING LOVE THOSE SHOWS!!! I cried when Captain Barnacles from Octonots got stung my a jellyfish and he was in pain!! I love him *cries*

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.

My room...its my room....

soothe; digital or vinyl?

Vinyl. Obviously. I may be 13 but I am an 80′s fan for life!

squeezed; who do you miss right now?

everyone.....

sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?

LOYALTY! I am a Slytherin so I am VERY loyal.

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

Idk...

sweet; do you find it easy to open up?

Fuck no

sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?

Yes and No.

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?

Tobias Forge, Martin Persner, Simon Soderberg, Per Errikkson, Justin Taylor. idk if I spelled Per’s name right......

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?

I growl....

tootsie; what kind of friend are you?

Loyal pet.

treasure; what was something that made you smile today?

I was drawing a picture of Thomas in a restaurant and the waitress liked it.

velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?

Night owl. I have an owl. He doens’t come inside but we feed him. We named him....Dr. Who LOL

whiffle;  if you could have a magical power, what would it be?

Probably to turn invisible

whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?

Home

whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?

No

wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?

Messy but thats only because I never have time to clean up. I am a clean freak though.

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?

I dislike it a lot and I plan to move to London when I am older. Fuck Florida.

wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?

No because nothing happens.

I HOPE THAT WAS IT! ~ A

[st3phascope]

2018

Somehow I went into 2018 with a clear head and clear mission and I ended it super unsure of myself, of everything. It’s always easy to look back and see the good; I say this every year. And I certainly have had some amazing things happen this year, but this time around I see those as distractions to the cloud of sadness, uncertainty, and anxiety that’s been over head all year. 

I’ve let my imposter syndrome eat me alive...and I’m not sure what to do about, it’s persistent despite having achieved a lot. This year I designed merch for a handful of bands (no one that I really listen to) but exciting none the less. Knuckle Puck sold my design at the last Warped Tour. I got to see kids walking around wearing it which was surreal (now I look at it and feel disappointed I didn’t make something better, haha). I designed for Chloe Moriondo, Tiny Moving Parts, Remo Drive, The Spill Canvas, Save Face, Otherways Music, and the biggest; a music video for Sleep On It. That one is the craziest to me. Like really crazy. I hope in 2019 I get to work with some of my dream bands. 

I went to something like ~55 shows which means i spent like 1/6th of my nights in sweaty venues singing along to songs I love. Some bands I’ve wanted to see for a while and finally got to see this year were Taking Back Sunday, The Killers, Arctic Monkeys, Andrew McMahon (I saw him open for panic but this was a full, unique set), and Hozier! Hozier was really special. I also photographed 15 shows! So I did fulfill that resolution of shooting more shows; I’m really proud of the photos I’ve taken. I also interviewed New Politics and there’s a clip of me talking to them on Alternative Press. I saw The Wonder Years a lot this year, and saw so many friends and screamed with so many friends. Some other super memorable shows were Hinds, SOTC, Boston Calling, Misterwives, All Time Low, the final Warpeds.

The first few months of this year feels like multiple life times ago, I can barely remember, or I look back at photos and think, oh there’s no way that was in 2018. I think this summer is the split. This summer was the glowing light of this year, the only redeeming part. At the beginning I traveled to Boston and Philly for music. I turned 21 and had an iconic emo night party in a Brooklyn airbnb. And kissed someone you all know from this site lmao wild. But I had a good ass time, a rarity on my bday. Then I flew off to Nashville. I hope everyone gets a chance to live with their best friend for a summer. I had a lot of fun + made the most of the week a flew home and photographed Taylor Swift at Metlife. Heard a lot of music, had lots of trips to Dozens, lots of margaritas, lots of walks on broadway and the pedestrian bridge. 

And then the summer ended and I had to go back to Pratt. This past semester was horrible....really unbelievably horrible that I don’t even want to get into it. Like I don’t even know who I am anymore. But there was independent publishing, and the radio, and I made friends who I love a lot. I hope we get closer + don’t lose touch when we all Escape in a few months.

My favorite day of this year was when Dylan drove through Nash and Dan, him, and I went to Cummins Falls. We started the day with pancakes, hiked through water for a bit, saw the falls, lost Daniella’s keys, and drove home. The drive home was just one of those perfect moments, you have your bathing suit on under your clothes even though it’s still a little wet, and your hair is a mess, and air is balmy and warm, the sun is setting on the road ahead of you, and the Killers are playing, you’re a little tired, but don’t want to fall asleep and miss a minute of it. Then we got Thai food and had to make a copy of the house key for Dan at Walmart. 

I want more moments like that in 2019, at the very least. 

#december 2018