#all of the characters have very convincing emotional turmoils and breakdowns

[they-call-me-haiku]

one thing that i love about infinity train is how REAL the characters are, despite being in a fantasy setting, and the narrative of how experiences shape individuals. the way they speak and act are so realistic, their choices are understandable and their arcs are so well-written. all of the characters have glaring flaws they need to work on, but it's also clear that these flaws are the results of some kind of trauma or the way they were treated.

tulip was disillusioned with the world, angry and distant. and this is a direct reaction to her parents' divorce and her inability to cope with it. which is sympathetic, of course, it's a hard thing to go through as a child. the show also reveals that tulip blames herself for her parents' divorce, which can hit close to home for many people.

lake was similarly angry and defiant, even outright hostile in certain situations. again, this comes as a response to the way she was treated in the train, the way she was never granted her freedom and individuality, and how she was trapped in a role she didn't want to play. it's no wonder that many queer people identify so much with lake, because the rules of the train mirrors real life.

jesse has people-pleasing tendencies that reach the point where it actually hurts people. we've all seen protagonists who are people pleasers or eager to appear likeable to people, but usually it only hurts themselves. jesse's case is the prime example of "a friend to all is a friend to none". you can't please everyone, there are people you should oppose or ignore. otherwise, you end up hurting people who actually matters in your life.

simon and grace are straight-up villains, or anti-villains at the very best. grace is manipulative and cunning, playing on people's feelings and insecurities to serve herself. simon is controlling and somewhat egotistic, refusing to change his mindset, regardless of what happens. again, both these characters are shown to have reasons for why they became what they are, even if it doesn't justify their actions. grace grew up in an environment where she was neglected and felt lonely, and found out that her only sure way of making any sort of connection is to manipulate people. simon is implied to have dealt with someone's death before he got on the train, since he seems to have an idea of what funerals are like. that, paired with samantha the cat accidentally leaving him behind in a crucial and dangerous situation, he develops some very intense abandonment issues. again, both these issues can be very relatable to a lot of people, even if we aren't as bad as either of these characters.

min-gi was shown to be insecure and uncertain, but at the same time, arrogant and condescending. the pressure he recieved from his parents has fueled his gifted child syndrome while simultaneously making him depressed and burned out. ryan is probably the closest we have to a "conventional main character", hyperactive and quirky. but he is also not exactly perfect in all other aspects, as he wants to push things forward and refuses to give min-gi some time to think and make a decision. as a child who grew up with lots of other siblings, ryan struggles to prove himself to his family, since they don't seem to pay him much attention. both these scenarios are especially relatable to asians, but of course, anyone who may have trouble pleasing their parents and living up to expectations.

i just gave a character analysis of each protagonist, but my point is that while other cartoon protagonists tend to lean more on the heroic side, the characters in this show doesn't. in most other animated shows i've watched, the flaws a protagonist is allowed to have are either "heroic" flaws such as being too forgiving or being self-sacrificing, or shallow flaws such as clumsiness or being kind of an idiot.

but not in infinity train. the protagonists in this show aren't heroes, they are normal people. they don't have a magical destiny, they don't have to fight for the good of the world, they aren't the "chosen ones". their ultimate goal is to get out of the train (or in simon and grace's case, to be superior to everyone else, to "win").

so it really feels good when one of the characters does choose to do something nice. when tulip chooses to empathize with and help amelia, when lake bonds with alan dracula and jesse. when grace chooses to change for the better and face the consequences of her actions. when ryan chooses to stay with min-go despite getting a door, and when min-gi does the same later on.

i watched this show about a year ago, and it's still one of the best animated shows i've watched. it's so uncomfortably real sometimes, you stop and go "am i like that?" when a character does something wrong, you know that the show addresses it and their actions have consequences. the show doesn't hand out redemption arcs to everyone or sweep things under the rug like some shows *cough* steven universe and she-ra *cough*

there's a reason why a lot of people seem to relate more to villains than heroes, because villains are allowed to be flawed while also being sympathetic. infinity train managed to create a cast of protagonists who are exactly like that. they are more than heroes, they are people.

#props to the VAs too because they did a fantastic job #so many times in this show i got goosebumps from the voice acting alone #all of the characters have very convincing emotional turmoils and breakdowns #infinity train meta #infinity train lake #infinity train book 2 #infinity train spoilers #infinity train #simon infinity train #simon laurent #grace infinity train #simon and grace #tulip #tulip olsen #lake #mt #infinity train jesse #jesse cosay #jesse #alan dracula #ryan akagi #mingi #ryan and mingi #kez #one one #atticus #tuba #hazel #amelia

[dreamedofyou]

Porsche & Smoking

I've been thinking about Porsche and his smoking habits ever since we saw him say he wanted to quit smoking in ep 8. I can't help but shake the feeling that it's one of those details to help us understand him better and showcase his character development (because why else would they have included that line, right?).

Putting it under a cut just in case some people feel like it's clogging up the tag/their dash.

The first time we see Porsche smoke is after he's had sex with a bar customer and I thought nothing of it at the time, apart from seeing it as just one of his habits (it was the first episode, so both of the main characters were still getting established, meaning it's not unusual for directors/writers to include a scene of someone smoking for no other purpose than to establish someone is a smoker).

However, the more episodes I'd seen, the more it seemed to me that there was a pattern emerging. Namely, that we see Porsche smoke after a stressful situation or whenever he's in emotional turmoil a lot. For example, this is the case in episode 2 after the apple shooting incident.

The first thing he does after the adrenaline wears off and his fear catches up to him is grab a smoke, which is very telling. It shows the audience that Porsche alleviates stress through smoking. Cigarettes help him calm down (which is not uncommon among smokers, at least those I know irl) and take some of that edge off. In other words, he needs a smoke to cope.

From this point on, the idea is reinforced in several of the scenes in which Porsche smokes. That time when he can't bear watching Pete and Ken beat up the man disloyal to Kinn's family in ep 3? The first thing he does after Pete takes him outside is indulge in a cigarette, and based on his expression and the way he takes that drag you can just tell he felt relief, like he couldn't wait to do it in order to ease his mind.

The bathroom breakdown in ep 5? Which is arguably the scene in which he's hit his lowest point so far, mentally speaking? He smokes.

Actually, throughout the entirety of episode 5 Porsche only ever grabs a cigarette when he gets emotionally overwhelmed in some way. He's clearly struggling during the scene where he tries to hook up with a random bar customer again. He isn't in the mood to do that when Yok points him in the woman's direction but he goes for it anyway. He tries so hard to convince himself that he can go back to doing what he's always done, that Kinn having sex with him hasn't affected him in the way it has. So when he fails, when he can't "perform" like he's done countless times before and the woman walks away, which leaves him with nothing but his distraught emotions, he immediately turns to smoking again.

(I love this image so much because it really shows the turmoil he's feeling in this moment.)

Now, all of that isn't to say he only ever smokes whenever he's stressed, because there are times when he goes for a casual smoke, but such is the nature of smokers. Sometimes they'll smoke just because they need/want a cigarette. Even during a few of those scenes, however, there's an underlying presence of stress or unease in his life.

(This is him smoking just before the confrontation with Macau in ep 2. Remember, Porsche has had a really rough time throughout the episode getting used to a completely new world and messing up a lot. So he was definitely going through it mentally.)

(The party in episode 7 was right after quite possibly the most dangerous mission Porsche has been a part of since working for the Theerapanyakul family, so letting loose with the help of cigarettes and alcohol after coming back from such a high-stakes situation feels natural.)

Anyways, I'd like to come back to the scene I mentioned in my very first sentence – the one that prompted me to start thinking about Porsche's relationship with smoking in the first place and write this whole thing.

The implications of him thinking about quitting are, imo, huge, because quitting cigarettes also means throwing away one of his coping methods, the thing that grounds him when he feels too on edge. So maybe, just maybe that's because he's starting to feel like he doesn't need to cope anymore. Whether that's because he doesn't feel as stressed/anxious anymore (he's been really happy and full of joy during ep 8 prior to the scene above) or because he's found something (or someone) that helps calm him down instead, it's all due to his relationship with Kinn.

(What does he do when he's deathly afraid of being haunted by Tawan's ghost? Smoke to calm down? Or call Kinn?)

The fact that he wants to quit smoking for the first time ever (as far as we've seen) indicates that he feels happier, calmer and in a much better mental state in general.

Too bad we all know it won't last. 🙃

#idk I just wanted to talk about how Porsche smoking is portrayed in the series and what that might say for the character #maybe I'm overanalysing but isn't that what we're all here for? #kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche meta #(should I even tag this as meta?) #(I really enjoyed taking screenshots of Porsche smoking btw 👀) #porsche #porsche pitchaya

[youwontlikethisblog]

Betty, My Betty! Part 2.5 (Hopefully the last one)

Alrighty, I think this will be my last post for tonight? This morning? But it is still in the same vine of Armando being possessive so he is the main subject of this breakdown but I will also be discussing Mario a lot here so this in an attempt to be the final post regarding this episode will be a lengthy one.

Again I accidently bought the bootleg version of the novela so some scenes and episodes are missing as well as the chapters aren't titled.

We are in the same episode of Armando reacting to Betty having a boyfriend.

Right now Betty is exiting her office, she just hung up the phone with Nicolas who warned her that they needed to pay a loan to the bank because their 24 or 27 days were up.

Mario is leaning over Armando's desk and Armando is leaning forward as they are both discussing and whispering (that part is so short you can't really pick at what they're talking about but you can imagine what it is. I'm assuming that while Mario was telling Armando not to question or judge Betty on her personal life that Betty was in her office on the phone with Nicolas and when Mario leaned forward to talk to Armando Betty was about to end her call so they are essentially talking about how to go about finding out who Betty's boyfriend is) something I cannot hear. As Betty fully exits her office Mario moves from being up front to in the back of the room by the doors that take us to the meeting room. He looks Betty down and up as if checking her out.

This small frame(I don't know if when they were whispering it was them arguing over Mario's proposal of the plan or if Mario hadn't proposed it yet and it was just them talking about how to find out who Nicolas is because again, since this bootleg version isn't the complete one some scenes are missing so I could be wrong about this one! but the episode I saw on NBC showed the exact same scene so I'm going by the first "(red)" in the paragraph above) allows us to depict Mario coming up or starting to scheme the plan.

We know Mario Calderon will screw anything that has legs, wears skirts, and breathes and consents that is(<-hopefully). Every woman who has had a seggsual relationship with him has said so. Marcela warned Paty about it before they got involved so I'm assuming that in this scene Mario is checking out Betty to see if it's possible for someone to really love(lust) her and if not than he needs to figure out a plan and a way to convince Armando to follow through said plan.

When you're writing a novel you write down the key points you want to make but as you imagine certain scenes you really delve into detail of characterization. You make sure that whatever happens in that scene that your characters behave as themselves. So you really spend time getting to know your characters. This is a general rule of thumb for any creative writer. The plus of being a novelist or writing literature is that you can really go deep into details and write scenes in really long poetic ways. I don't know how to write scripts but I've read some from TV shows I've watched and they are written differently than a novel. Scripts have more dialogue than poetic descriptions and they are usually blunt with what the writer wants from each character in that scene.

For example: (Take this with a grain of salt I don't know how to write scripts I am going off based on how I've read them)

Ana walks into the room. The camera focuses on her face. There's lighting outside and we see the lighting flash on her face.

Julian turns to see her. He is surprised to see her. He thought she was dead. He stands up slowly. The camera focuses on his face and then Ana's.

She smiles at him, tears forming in her eyes.

"Is that re-really you?" He stutters. He then walks slowly towards her.

In a script you write where the camera goes, where the actors move, the facial expressions, the mood of the room, and so forth. Yes directors do have a say on how they choreograph scenes and actors can add their own two cents but script writers have a pretty good idea of everything that is going on the scene and why it is. If in novel writing(that's not the correct term) we focus a lot on how the reader will imagine the scene and being able to correctly and artistically discribe it as well as how they will understand it because we are not focusing on visual cues like script writers but rather focused on using words to be able to paint a inner visual picture than in scripts the writer usually focuses on tone and movement. The same rule still stands though; show don't tell.

Why do I even bring this up?

This helps us understand that what is shown here isn't just an accident. We aren't being fed what we're told, we are being fed what we see. What we see is the final vision of the writer. Fernando Gaitan was the only one to write this novel and he wrote every detail with the intention of it to mean something.

I have no doubt that the actors added their own flavor as they are excellent actors and the reason why we were able to fall in love with these character. The directing is amazing as well. The scene cuts, the frames, and the choreo are amazing(tho some stills are funny and y'all know which ones) but the writing has a lot to do with it. If anyone is a script writer or knows what that's about correct me if I'm wrong!

I say this because what we are being told and shown is that Armando had feelings for Betty and not a crush like Betty did. He actually cared about her, as a friend. I know many don't agree with that because Armando was a crappy boss. We see them always interact as boss and employee but the reason why I continue to bring up the fact that he started to blur those lines is because we were being told and shown that.

Armando is mechanical. He is emotionless to the outsiders. As he once told Betty that she probably thinks he is a man of ice and later on in the future we see Betty daydream telling Marcela that she knows Armando acts like he's got a heart of stone but deep inside of him he needs a lot of love. However Armando isn't a man of iron and he tells that to Betty himself.

We are told this but what are we shown?

We are shown an erratic, often driven by emotion, and neutronic person. Now the people he has surrounded himself with aren't the most loving and welcoming people. They are pretty judgy and stuck up. So often the emotions he shows and knows how to distinguish well are anger, frustration, and most of all being erratic with the emotions mentioned above. These emotions drive him. The people around him think that he is a man of stone and that nothing moves him. However we then meet a woman who isn't like that at all or like any of the people he has surrounded himself with.

This person is kind, loving, respectful, and sweet to everyone. She loves her job, loves her friends, loves her family and secretly loves her boss. In a very poetic way Betty is color in an otherwise black and white world. She brings warmth to Armando and because they work so closely, how is he not supposed to be affected by this? How is he not supposed to be changed and moved by this?

He is an awe of her morals, of Betty's qualities and her general presence and though we aren't bluntly told this by the characters themselves we are shown this and it's not by accident and not by mistakes of post production.

Take a break if you need it.

It isn't an accident that we see Mario so much in these scenes just standing in the background taking it all in because he truly is the mastermind behind Betty's downfall. He truly mapped out and planned the way to seduce Betty and how to manipulate Armando and didn't even care if it hurt her or his best friend. What he cared about was that his best friend remained President because titles mean everything to him. As we saw in the past when Armando and him were arguing over the deal with the Panamanian fabric seller, while Armando focused on how it not only affected him and the major shareholders but everyone, Mario reminded him that he was also a minority shareholder, but a shareholder nonetheless. Armando's inner turmoil was that he was jeopardizing the livelihood of not only the company's shareholders, and his family but the entire company's employee roster while Mario was more focused on himself, telling him that he too had a lot to lose but not understanding what really weighted down Armando's shoulders.

Think about it, Mario in a sense is a leech. He gets the crumbs of women Armando doesn't want. If I'm not mistaken in the spinoff Eco Moda Mario himself says that women only ever showed interest in him because they wanted to get close to Armando. Mario lives off of the crumbs of Armando, not only with women but socially. Armando is one of the major shareholders of Eco Moda, he's attractive, charismatic, and an important figure in society and not only among the Fashion world like Mario is. Mario Calderon wasn't going to let his best friend lose the title of being President for anything because than it would be bad for him. It would be bad for his reputation to have been his close friend and accomplice to Armando while also being a part of a disastrous presidency term in the company.

Mario is charismatic, one could even say a lot more than Armando seeing as I myself even like him even when I know all of this about his character. I find him funny, charming, and at times endearing but of course that's when you look at him on a surface level.

Mario Calderon is despicable. He is downright selfish and egocentric down to the bone. He maps out this plan so easily because he knows his two victims well. He has seen Armando's disagreements with Marcela, he has witnessed first hand Armando's change towards Betty and silently observed Betty's interactions with Armando. He himself has thrown out his conclusions on Betty's actions by a simple snip bits of conversation that he's either been in the room to hear or heard from Armando himself.

Who better to make Betty fall in love than Armando? Because Betty has those feelings there and who better to do be the one to do this than Armando? Not only because those feelings are there but because Armando can stomach the job. The man who is confused about his feelings and behaving erratically and emotionally driven than Armando?

Because Armando proposes for Calderon to do it. At first Calderon is grossed out by the idea but Armando presents everything telling him he isn't the boss, that he has no morals and he was perfect for the job. Mario agrees with all of that, even asks for a bigger percentage of shareholding and Armando agrees. This gives us the understanding that Mario would be willing to seduce Betty.

I realize this contradicts my own personal opinion that Armando agreed to do this because it meant he was saving Betty from Nicolas but lets remember that Armando was afraid to face those feelings and he wasn't even aware that they were there. Here Armando and Mario weren't talking about love, as he thinks Betty is so in love with Nicolas that he is her eternal love and that Nicolas would take advantage of that and poison her against them, they are talking about seduction, meaning seggsual. Which I've said before Armando thinks lust is love and therefore that if he ain't wanting to jump they bones in that instant that it cain't be love therefore my mans thought he had no feelings for Betty(idk why bc we do get two scenes where he checks her out briefly (I am sure of this because it's the episode where Betty tripped and was limping and when Mario brought it up Armando asked if she didn't already walk like that, if he had been noticing her walk than he would have been aware of the limp but his eyesight went from the top of Betty's head all the way down. Do with that information what you'd like :)) and where he gets jealous when Charlie Zas kissed her cheek(someone once said that they were celos de jefe and excuse me ma'am jealousy is jealousy and a normal boss would not feel that. If my boss or manager ever did that I woulda done been fired in that instant))

Take a break if you need it.

Okay return back to this scene.

While Calderon does this mila second rundown of Betty, Armando and him share a stare. Either Armando wants the room to himself or is looking at him for a confidence boost. Then Mario nods and lets him know he'll leave them be.

Armando sticks to the script by not removing his trust from Betty. Instead he encourages her and congratulates her on doing things well.

In this scene while Betty has been entirely focused on the work at hand and being professional Mario was busy assessing the situation while Armando... is hard to read here. He is keeping himself composed rather than being emotionally driven or erratic or neurotic. In truth he is showing one of his best traits so far, composure. When he is sure of what he wants to happen Armando is really good at keep composure, feelings at bay, and controlling the situation. Something he later loses as he begins to get more lost and confused in his own feelings and understanding them.

Betty here is endearing, honestly I find Betty endearing at all times lol. She's super cute and such a good sport since her character is written to capture your heart, not by sympathy but by empathy. Again just like Armando how are we not supposed to be affected by such a sweet character? Constantly putting her feelings aside for Armando's, who hasn't done that? We empathize with her because at some point or another we've been her and ironically it's the exact same reason why we sympathize and empathize with Armando because at some point or another we've all been there where we let the worse get the best of us and we've learned to live with it and deal with it same as he.

As Betty starts to leave the office Armando calls her name, stands up in a slow but steady way showing us that he is the one in control in this situation. His tone is controlled but not enough where you don't hear that resent.

"Betty you didn't hadn't told me you've got a boyfriend"

Betty looks taken aback by this behavior of his. As she stares at him a bit shocked and rocks on her feet, seeming uncomfortable with this but also worried.

Armando proceeds to say "and that that boyfriend is Nicolas Mora, your friend from university. The one you've got in Terra Moda" Notice how now there is a waiver in his voice and he no longer is being as composed or in control of his emotions. As he for split seconds allows those emotions of jealousy and possessiveness to sweep through his tone of voice.

In this scene Armando isn't so much giving us body language as he is stiff, showing nervousness and discomfort himself, often we see this whenever Marcela is interrogating him but he is giving us tonality in voice.

Again the sequence as he names the list of what and who Nicolas is shows priority. First, Nicolas is Betty's boyfriend, that guy she's talked about who she went to university with, and she's got him working in Terra Moda. His priority: Betty has a boyfriend. He knows who said boyfriend is and he knows what he does.

Betty tells him that she doesn't have a boyfriend: "Ay ay no Doctor, eso no es cierto." Betty normally has a waiver her voice whenever she's nervous or scared so it's not unlike her to have it here, she smiles and chuckles nervously. In translation what she says is lost so by interpretation this is what she said "Hmm? No sir... um that's not true."

Armando's tone is now accusing her. He seems angered by Betty's "denial" as he tells her "It's not true? I heard it-" we then get a frame of Betty's reaction. She is truly concerned over this as we later find out at the end of the day that she was worried that it could cause Don Armando to build distrust towards her. Again we are shown that Betty is keeping it all professional whilst Armando isn't.

"I heard when Bertha told you, right in front of me. [Y'all] started gossiping, didn't notice I was there. You both forgot about me, no Betty?"* He is shaking as if agitated and he sports a cocky smile because he feels like he caught her in her own lie.

[*]This could be taken in a double sense. In his eyes Betty was so excited about hearing that her "eternal love" called her that she forgot he was in the room and in a figurative way, Betty forgot him.

Betty's understanding of his behavior is rational. He's upset that she withheld vital information from him after she told him she had nothing else to hide(when he interrogated her the previous night) and this is related to a professional work related situation.

Armando now sports similar traits to that of Marcela when she is looking for reasons to act out on her anger. Armando is agitated as stated before and while Betty goes to explain herself Armando grabs his glass of whisky, not taking his eyes off Betty and drinks(cantinero, otro whisky!(Now his behavior here is very interesting because as he grabs the glass to drink from it he takes in a deep breath. At first I interpreted this for anger but after seeing it a few times I realize it's panic. While at first he was composed and sure of what he was feeling which was anger, now he is faced with uncertainty from feelings he doesn't recognize and he doesn't know where this conversation is going to head or how he'll react or feel so he enters panic mode)). She tells him that it was something the cuartel came up with because she once mentioned Nicolas and since then they haven't gotten it out of their heads that he is her boyfriend "I don't have anything with him."

Then relief starts to wash over him as Betty's final words are reassuring him that she doesn't have a boyfriend. In this frame Armando no longer has a drink in hand and he doesn't seem as tense as before.

"Definite? We're sure of that?"

Betty chuckles and nods and his tone of voice returns to being soft spoken and calm, even hopeful as he tells her "Okay, okay it was only curiosity." (What kind of curiosity tho?;))

Betty leaves his office and has a slight smile and was on the brink of a daydream when Sofia interupts her from doing that.

I have this dumb theory where Aura Maria and Freddy are in some way a parallel of Betty and Armando except that Aura Maria takes on the role of Armando while Freddy takes on the role of Betty and if y'all want I'll write a post explaining this.

Take a break if you need it.

Skip a scene we've got Armando interacting with Freddy. Usually everyone pays the burnt of Armando's anger and in this scene he looks anything but angry. He actually humors Freddy which allows us to know that after that conversation with Betty, he has one less problem(you know the one that topped all the others). He then laughs at Freddy(I find it ironic that Freddy told him that what Jenny and him have is strictly professional at which Armando laughs and repeats the same thing. The reason I find it ironic is because we as an audience know that what J & F have is not strictly professional and the conversation Armando just had with Betty wasn't strictly profession. In other words, Fernando Gaitan has a good sense of humor) and tells him to show him his lil dancy dance and leaves to go to Mario's Office.

When he enters his office he informs him he spoke to Betty about that infamous boyfriend.

"What did she say?" Mario asks.

"Well no, that she doesn't have a boyfriend." his smiles and says happily. He the catches him up on the gossip.

While Armando is now showing an array of emotion and excitement Mario is poker face, fidgeting with his pen and studying Armando.

He tells him "You know what this means? That I'm a happy man!" he chuckles and looks around the room as if really taking in the news and letting the relief settle in. "What a relief, finally some good news today, ah" he says the final part as if he were an italian chef. This lets us know that Armando is truthfully relieved to find out that Betty, his Betty is single and that he is still her special man.

In the previous post I talked about how Armando went about listening his excuses to start drinking early that day and how he basically went going from his smallest problem to the biggest one as he says that the one that topped all of his other problems was Betty having a boyfriend.

See, all his other problems were a cause of stress and anger, emotions he is very familiar with so they don't disconcert him however, jealousy or fear of losing Betty, are new territory for him that alone freaked him out but the fact Betty had a boyfriend was enough to just push the boy just close enough to the edge he needed a drink so early in the morning because it was anguish.

Mario tells him he has never seen him so relieved and happy to find out a woman doesn't have a boyfriend to which we pan out to see Armando roll his eyes and slouch against the chair, annoyed at Mario's insinuation once again.

Mario reminds him of the last time he saw that same expression on him which was when he found out some woman was separated from her husband. Armando then tells him not to diminish the good news because it meant Betty hadn't ommited any information from him.

To really bring this post to the full potential of it being analytical let us break this down.

Why was it important for him that Betty not omit information from him? Especially relating to something so personal and intimate of Betty's life outside of the office? (Again the argument that this is only about Eco Moda and Terra Moda are disproven in the previous post).

[EDIT: Sometimes as I write I've got two ideas at the same time and forget to finish writing them. It wasn't only important for the reasons mentioned below but because he does in fact want to know more about Betty as he later tells Bertha the same thing].

Armando went through the five stages of grief.

Anger, denial, anger, denial, more denial, and then moving on.

He did not accept that Betty had a boyfriend therefore when she told him she didn't he fully believed her, didn't ask more questions.

For Armando Betty's character means a lot. I don't mean the individual personification of Betty as a fictional character in this novela I mean as in her inner self and what she represent. To him Betty represent stability, comfort, unconditionality, honesty, and most of all fidelity and loyalty and the last three qualities are what he is always naming. If she withheld something from him it would mean that Betty was no longer that. She no longer would be an object of reassurance and comfort but like everyone else she'd become an unpredictable and untrustworthy individual in his life. Some one more that he needed to keep at arm's length or pretend around.

Armando has gotten a taste of being around someone who doesn't judge him when he is himself and doesn't hold it over him when he makes mistakes based on his neurotic nature or anger issues. Instead he has been around someone who understand he's like that, someone who is patient and knows how to call him out on it and how to handle his erratic behavior so he has learned to let his guard down little by little and found a niche of comfort in his assistant but if she lied to him it would take all of that away. It would be betrayal in his eyes.

That's why it was so important to him that Betty didn't keep secret from him. Especially seeing as they were forming a friendship that was based on honesty and respect towards each other. This explains why that was important to him. It's important for him to have trust in her.

However we ain't kidding anyone because his reaction was possessive over Betty because Betty has given all of these things to Armando, who has never really received them without some fine print, and he doesn't want to share her with anyone else. This is possessiveness and it is not love or romantic. It is a toxic trait because not one person belongs to someone and Armando feels that Betty belongs to him. Be it romantically, platonically, or work related, a person is a human being and they do not belong as an object or property to anyone.

Armando is a very emotionally immature individual and this shows us that.

Mario then proceeds to be his classical self, which is to sow the seed of paranoia in his best friend as he starts to point out that her friends wouldn't be saying that if Betty hadn't given them a reason. His hands clasped in front of him show a position of power. Right now he is holding the cards and he is well aware of that.

Right as he see the reaction he wanted from Armando he leaves him to ferment so to speak in the paranoia he has left in him. Armando becomes nervous all over again and susceptible to it.

He is left with himself and he says "Y quien es el.." now if you're hispanic or latino you'll find the humor in how that scene ends as he starts to sing in a sorrowful tone a very romantic and a song that I'd say most listen to when dealing with a break up "y en que lugar se enamoro de ti?"

Which translate to "And what is he like? and in what place did he fall in love with you?"

I won't read too much into that as I'm sure it was written in for humor or added in for the humor effect as we've had some pretty heavy emotionally driven scenes in this episode but I do think it's an ironic placement of humor.

Now to bring the final scene that I will be discussing regarding Armando finding out about Betty's boyfriend we come full circle with Armando asking Bertha about it.

He acts charismatic, composed and professional to get Bertha to talk to him.

"The subject is the following: I've got a long time working with Betty and It's just until now that I find out she's got boyfriend. Do you know who he is?"

"Well like really know? No, because she's so reserved"

He then with a pierced mouth nods. Again those feelings are creeping back up. I get it. He's feeling paranoia, distrust, betrayed, hurt, offended, scared, jealous, possessive and angry but this proves what I mentioned about Armando having his guard up at all times because he doesn't show any of this to Bertha, at least not enough where she picks up but because we as an audience are given so much detail regarding his character, we can.

Quickly he asks her "And you don't know how long she's been dating him?" brings us full circle again. The same tone he had with Betty when he told her that he was in the same room as her when Bertha said that she had a boyfriend, minus the smirk and actual reaction of his, once again proves that Armando knows when to show his reaction and how to be in control and composed.

Bertha proceeds to tell him the "actual" story in which she tells him "dating dating? No, but he does have her eating from the palm of his hand because she's stupidly in love with him." and we hear Armando gasp and say "No." we then get a frame of his face which shows us... the opiset of happiness, joy, relief, tranquility, peace, serenity but with someone trying to be composed.

Bertha tells him that Mariana read her the cards and said that he was Betty's dream man and that he was going to change her life and she was going to change his life. I don't care for that but for the sake of this breakdown I'll mention it.

We know that Betty's dream man is Armando, not Nicolas. However everyone else thinks it's Nicolas. Armando's facial expression shows someone once again panicking.

He not only finds out that Betty has boyfriend, now it turns out she didn't just omit something from him but lied when he asked her and to top it off she so happens to be stupidly in love with him and on top of all of that he is Betty's dream man and to finish it off, he will change her life and she will change his life in the mildest of riches, meaning with Betty becoming the sole owner of Eco Moda and Terra Moda, making her rish rish $$$.

This is when it no longer is just about his mixed up feelings for Betty but now the entire livelihood of his family and everyone that works for Eco Moda.

Eco Moda is Armando's pride and joy. He does love that company which is why he started that scheme in the first place because he didn't want to lose it, let his father down, prove Daniel right, and throw away 30 plus year of his father's work and life time(Also as we're told because of his goals). The company means a great deal to him and in ways he's not aware of yet, so does Betty.

However someone is aware of this, not to the deep knowledge that Armando has regarding whatever he thinks he is feels towards Betty but they've got some sort of idea regarding this and they innact and come up with a plan to secure the company, the presidency, and his statues and reputation.

Step one: Tell Armando that he needs to make Betty fall in love with him to secure the company. Women in love will do anything for the one they love therefore if he beats Nicolas to the goal we secure the company. It worked with Paty(he's stupid so his logic doesn't work)

Step two: Convince Armando that he is the right candidate for the job. If that doesn't work, manipulate him with paranoia and make him fear Betty. If that doesn't work, tell him you were sure that Betty was in love with him before you found out about Nicolas.

Step three: Tell Armando I will be in charge of all the corny details because he will freak out and get way over his head and ruin the plan.

Step four: make fun of him.

Step five: Go on a trip and write a letter that explains the entire plan in detail and leave it on my desk without telling my secretary to not let anyone touch it or go near it except Armando so that she can go into my office, and I know how she likes to be nosy, and she can then think it's in the wrong office and give it to her assistant who takes care of all of his stuff, literally, and she finds it, reads it and does exactly what I was afraid of and made my best friend afraid of as well and that will then bring her downfall, his downfall, therefore the entire company's downfall.

Step six: never realize how stupid I am or take full accountability for it and apologize sincerely for all the wrong and harm I have caused.

Obviously I'm not saying Armando is innocent or that he didn't do anything wrong. He did. He allowed his best friend to manipulate him when he said he wouldn't listen to him again(the panama thing), he allowed his best friend to make fun of Betty and was a coward to admit his true feelings not only to himself but to his best friend. He was a willing(felt guilty for it but nonetheless willing) participant in the plan.

By now breaking down these past episodes and scenes allows us to understand where Armando was coming from so we can sympathize just a bit for him and his confusion and how he was so easily manipulated by Mario, however this doesn't mean he isn't guilty. At the start of it he too to some degree thought no one could love Betty, (yes we later find out that he did care for her as he tells Mario that he feels endearment for Betty and he looks relieved to find that out. I will be breaking down that scene when I get to it) because of her physicality (I already talked about this but when the time is right I will go into deep detail regarding this part of Armando's character).

It is eleven AM. I have been writing this post for the past seven hours and I am beat and tired. I hope this makes sense.

Once again, 'til next time.

HAHAHA OKAY I FORGOT TO ADD SOME COMMENTARY ON THE REST OF THIS SCENE.

[Edit:

Bertha proceeds to tease Armando about him liking gossip and being Nosey. He gets annoyed at her but in order to get the information he wants he stays composed and tells her that he just wants to know about Betty.

"It's not that[I like gossip], it's just that this is about someone who is really close to me everyday-who I work really close with- and truth be told I am a little curious about Betty's life. You know, one just imagine her a little ugly and with boyfriend...? You know? Why don't you tell me the whole thing?"

At first he is a being defensive while trying to justify the fact he is being nosey. His tone then changes to endearing as he tells her "truth be told I am a little curious about Betty's life." and his face goes along with the tone as he says "you know, one just imagines her a little ugly-" he catches himself and say "and with boyfriend...?"

Overall what we have learned here is that Armando is really good at dismissing his feelings on the spot, suppressing them, and running away from them(I too do that and it's a pain in the butt). He does this as a sport.

Bertha then tells him "The thing is that Betty doesn't like it much for you to know about her private life." and this again offends Armando as he straightens his face and stares at Bertha in shock and as Bertha says "How is it, Sir..." and he quickly sits down to listen to her. "that this morning when we left your office she pulled me aside and told me that she didn't want you to know about her intimate life?" he rubs his chin, eyes still on Bertha and whispers "Really?"

Armando knows that Bertha can't tell half a gossip so instead of asking her to keeping telling him, practically begging her to tell him the whole scoop he manipulates her by saying "If this is going to cause problems then don't tell me. Let's leave it as is, Bertha, thank you." his tone is somber to tug at her strings, how could she possibly leave this man curious over this juicy gossip? and how could she not tell the whole story? Especially because it's her boss?

Bertha chuckles and tells him that she, of course is going to tell him, that she is dying to tell him. Armando then tells her "Well then if this is between us two it doesn't leave the planet, go on, tell me how did it go?"

Armando starts to bit his nail as he listen to Bertha start from the beginning.

She tells him word for word what Mariana said about Betty's dream man. She's obviously describing Armando, but to everyone else that's Nicolas, so the impression or idea that Armando now has of Nicolas is that he isn't some loser or nerd or some nobody but he is an important man who is the type of man woman lust over. They will have an intense relationship that will be strong and that the man is fundamental for her life.

This describes a man that is both important and that will be for sure in Betty's life.

Now Bertha goes on to describe the man Betty told them about. He is desired by woman,tall, handsome, strong, isn't rich but has money, has a big car, and his name is Nicolas Mora. However Betty clearifies that she has nothing going on with him, that she just likes him and she feels a strong attraction to him but that nothing has happened between them.

Then Mariana tells her that something will happen because it will change both of their lives.

Take into account that though Betty's life in a personal aspect hasn't changed much in the professional aspect it has. She's got a respectable job, a boss who values her work ethic and her enough to hand over his company which means she's could be rich. She's abandon some of her morals to collaborate with her scheming boss and is doing things that aren't morally correct.

Armando's life has changed not only professionally but personally. For one he's begun to let his guard down and given more of himself to a woman he isn't in a relationship or knowingly attracted to, his relationship with Marcela is only getting worse and Betty is usually the center of their biggest fights, he has now built a friendship with said woman built on trust and respect, something he has never done with any other woman and of course professionally he has sunken his and his family's company into debt.

I'd say Armando's life is changing a lot and that's not even the peak of it. Betty's life is also changing a lot and they haven't even started dating.

Armando is aware of how Betty's life is changing on a work related level so he obviously believes everything Bertha is telling him because he knows things she doesn't know.

Impatiently and annoyed Armando tells Bertha to explain what she means by "it's going to change their lives." which again since he "knows" things Bertha doesn't, therefore Tweedledum has sowed the seed of paranoia and Tweedledee has given it the perfect terrain for it to flourish so Armando is now listening to Mario's voice that Betty could turn against them though the important thing to note here is that Armando isn't mistrusting of Betty instead he is really mistrusting of Nicolas, because again, who could really fall in love with "ugly" betty. Except that's a joke on it's own because the idiot was already having feelings for her.

They are interrupted by Guti Guti and this is where I will end this post.

Truthfully until next time. ]

#analysis of ysblf #armando mendoza #armando ysblf #don armando #mario calderon #betty pinzón solano #betty ysblf #betty la fea #ysblf #yo soy betty la fea

[daresplaining]

Mike Murdock: A Reading Guide

    The time has come! I’ve encountered enough people who are just now learning about glamorous Mike, the Murdock family pussycat, that I thought it might be helpful to compile a reading guide. Here’s where you can find the hippest Murdock twin in all his various degrees of realness: 

Daredevil vol. 1 #25: When confronted with a threat to his secret identity, Matt Murdock takes the obvious course of action: he invents an obnoxious twin brother to be Daredevil’s “real” alter ego. 

Daredevil vol. 1 #26: Matt goes to court as Mike and battles Stilt-Man.

Daredevil vol. 1 #28: There’s only one Mike scene in this issue, but it’s a classic. Also, Matt fights aliens! 

Daredevil vol. 1 #30: Matt dresses up as Mike dressed up as Thor, then gets his butt whupped by the actual Thor. 

Daredevil vol. 1 #31: Matt temporarily loses his hypersenses, and has to convince everyone that Mike is now suddenly blind while preventing his rogues from discovering his weakness.

Daredevil vol. 1 #33-34: Mike, Karen, and Foggy have an action-filled vacation in Montreal, and Matt comes up with a clever way of being in two places at once! 

Daredevil vol. 1 #41: The tragic end of the Mike Murdock Saga. Matt decides that enough is enough, and fakes his “brother’s” death.  

Daredevil #1.5, “The Last Will and Testament of Mike Murdock”: This is a wonderful short story that was written as part of the special 50th anniversary issue. Present-day (2014) Matt and Foggy come across an old “farewell” video that Matt recorded, as Mike, way back when.  

Daredevil vol. 5 #606-608 (”Double Vision”): The beginning of the “Real Boy” era! An Inhuman with reality-morphing powers accidentally brings Mike Murdock to life, and Mike fights to stay that way.    

Daredevil vol. 5 #611-612: Matt’s life is thrown into turmoil after he gets hit by a truck. Featuring a very... erm... loaded Mike cameo. 

Daredevil vol. 6 Annual #1 (”One More Day”): We are given an emotional tour of Mike’s memories as he continues to grapple with his new reality.

Daredevil vol. 6 #23-36: Mike re-enters the main series, following the huge change he inflicted upon the Marvel Universe in the Annual! He isn’t in every issue, but only reading the Mike appearances would be confusing, so you might as well check out this whole section. This will take you through to the end of Daredevil volume 6.   

Devil’s Reign #1-6: This Kingpin-centered event spins directly out of Daredevil volume 6. The last two issues in particular are vital Mike reading. 

Devil’s Reign: Omega: The aftermath of Devil’s Reign. Read this issue to the end. Just trust me.

    As a longtime Mike Murdock enthusiast, I’ve also written extensively about him on this blog over the years. Here are a few posts that might be of interest:

A short Mike primer (written prior to the vol. 6 Annual)

A summary of the original Mike Murdock Saga

An analysis of Daredevil vol. 5 #606-608

An analysis of Mike’s role in Daredevil vol. 5 #611

An analysis of Mike’s engagement with Matt’s past in the Annual

An analysis of Mike’s role in Daredevil vol. 6 and Devil’s Reign

My initial thoughts on the events of Devil’s Reign #5-6

My thoughts on Matt’s response to the events of Devil’s Reign #5-6

An analysis of the significance of Mike’s sunglasses  

I also have a general Mike tag and a modern Mike tag, both of which are filled with commentary, panels, and other fun stuff (including spoilers: be warned). 

Also check out: 

@pluckyredhead​‘s Daredevil 101 overview of the Mike Murdock Saga

@othelle‘s breakdown of Mike’s fabulous fashion

    And last but not least, there’s the essay “Being Mike Murdock” by Timothy Callahan, from the anthology The Devil is in the Details: Examining Matt Murdock and Daredevil. This essay examines the original Mike Murdock Saga from a psychological and character-building perspective, and discusses what the Mike identity tells us about Matt. This is what originally turned me from an average, mild-mannered Mike Murdock fan into a super Mike Murdock fan, and I highly recommend it. (You can also read the author’s notes for free here.)

     Enjoy! And don’t hesitate to ask if you have any questions. I’m always happy to talk about Mike. 

#Daredevil #Mike Murdock #Mike Murdockalypse #Recommendations List #MIKE! MIKE FOR EVERYONE! #I can't believe we've reached this point.

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Review: The Primrose Railway Children by Jacqueline Wilson

I’m sure anyone who has known me for a while will know how much I love Jacqueline Wilson. I was delighted to be accepted for her latest novel and what a treat it is!

Phoebe Robinson loves her dad more than anyone in the world because he tells the most wonderful stories and plays the best games with her. But then one day, her dad disappears and Phoebe’s mum is behaving strangely. Before she knows it, Phoebe and her siblings Becks and Perry are being put in the car with all their things and driven to a remote cottage with their mum. Accompanied by her guinea pig Daisy, Phoebe has no idea what is going on. The excitement of the steam trains at Primrose Railway provides plenty of fun and adventure but what is her mum hiding and where on Earth is her dad?

I think this is the first of Jacqueline Wilson’s books to be illustrated by Rachael Dean. Obviously the style is very different to what we’re used to in Wilson’s books, as they are usually accompanied by Nick Sharratt’s very distinctive artwork. The pictures are still beautiful though and they bring the story to life perfectly. 

Phoebe’s dad is clearly struggling with life and his efforts seem to be falling on deaf ears. Anyone who has ever tried to make a career out of their creative passions will know how hard it can be and how emotionally difficult it can be to realise that no one is interested in paying for work you’ve put your heart and soul into. I didn’t quite guess the full extent of what had really happened to Phoebe’s dad but I did suspect where he was quite early on. This didn’t really bother me though because there was still plenty for me to figure out.

Phoebe is a very observant smart girl and although it isn’t discussed very much in the book, there is the implication that her dad is suffering from a mental breakdown. When other parents at her school and even her classmates seem to know something about him, I really started to wonder what he’d done to make it such common knowledge and yet Phoebe was still very much in the dark. I think I would have liked more discussion about depression and its effects in the book but I guess with it being a children’s book, Wilson wanted to focus more on the adventure.

There is a lot of emphasis on how special Phoebe’s dad is to her. She has a special connection with him and feels a little bit like an outsider amongst the rest of her family. I think most people can relate to feeling like they’re not their parent’s favourite child and can definitely remember what that feels like for a kid. To have all of that turmoil going on and then be ‘abandoned’ by the closest bond within your family must be heartbreakingly terrible. 

The cottage that Phoebe’s mum takes them to is in the middle of nowhere. It’s the former home of an artist who has since been taken into a nursing home but all of her artwork still adorns the walls. It’s a beautiful little place with (very!) basic features but it seems like the ideal place to truly escape to if you want to shut out the world. Phoebe certainly sees the charm in the place immediately, probably because she feels the creative energy that still lives in it, but it takes a while for the rest of her family to get on board. 

Phoebe often daydreams about what her dad is really doing. She becomes convinced that he is filming a Robinson Crusoe-style documentary and having a unique adventure on a desert island. Thinking about him having this amazing, crazy experience keeps Phoebe’s mind from getting too dark. Of course, I had strong doubts that this wasn’t where he was but during these moments, I had fun indulging in her fantasy too. I was right beside Phoebe for the whole book and that’s something that Wilson has always done very well. Her characters are real, normal kids and therefore they’re very easy to root for and to love.

When the bombshell drops and they learn where their dad really is, Phoebe takes it the hardest. I was worried about her when she began to refuse food and stopped talking to everyone. I continue to be amazed at how well Jacqueline Wilson writes authentic children -even their mindsets are so accurate. I’m sure she won’t mind me saying that she isn’t a young woman. It has been a long time since she was Phoebe’s age and yet she can still speak from that place in such a believable way.

The Primrose Railway Children is an emotional, heartwarming story that champions creativity and finding friendship in the most unlikely places. I loved all of the characters and wanted to spend more time with them, so I am holding out hope that they might appear in future books. I can definitely see The Railway Children influences but it’s a much more relatable, accessible adventure that I know readers of all ages will love.

#the primrose railway children #jacqueline wilson #middle-grade #book review #review #books #bookworm

[quixotic-dragon]

Kokichi Oma’s Crocodile Tears   (MAJOR DRV3 SPOILERS)

Ah, good ol’ Kokichi Oma. The Ultimate Little Shit- and a controversial little shit at that! I’ve recently played v3, and Kokichi is the one character who always seems to be on my mind (aside from my fav, Keebo, of course) because he’s such a mystery. We never get to know what’s going on in his head, at least not openly, and many players are led to assume that he is a malicious troublemaker, or even an outright sadist. 

I’m going to take a moment to analyze Kokichi specifically during that infamous scene at the end of Chapter 4 because that is all that’s been on my mind as of late. 

Underneath the Keep reading, there WILL be major spoilers for the entirety of v3. There will also be a very long essay, but I will do my best to break it up so it is easier to read. Read at your own risk.

So without further ado, here is my analysis of and my thoughts on Kokichi, his actions, and his character circa Chapter 4:

INITIAL REACTION:

Before I go into how I feel about Kokichi now, I’m going to have a discussion about my thoughts on him while this scene was playing out. (I know my exact feelings because I was liveposting in a discord server as I played, haha)

At this point in the game, the player does not yet know that Kokichi is not the true mastermind, nor do they understand what Kokichi means by “winning” the game. 

I had personally been spoiled of who the v3 mastermind was (thanks a lot danganronpa wiki), so I recognized that Kokichi wasn’t the mastermind, however I did not recognize that he was trying to win the killing game via unconventional methods. So from my point of view, Kokichi had just intentionally murdered Gonta (and Miu) just to increase his chances of winning and had the nerve to shed fake tears over it. I was furious! (behold, my fury!)

Kokichi sobs over Gonta’s death, and I interpreted this as entirely fake tears. One of my friends suggested, “i feel like there was a difference between like his / crocodile tears and this.” 

I was enraged at this suggestion and stood beside my initial reaction because I felt that there were no signs that Kokichi never cared for Gonta as anything more than an asset, so I could not trust Kokichi to have any real remorse for his death with such a manipulative relationship having existed. (Massive disclaimer that this is my interpretation of their relationship; if you have a different interpretation, that is totally fine and valid!)

At this point, I considered why Kokichi might be crying so intensely even if it was an act, and came to the conclusion that if there was any sort of truth in those tears that Kokichi would be upset for a different reason than Gonta. He would be upset because he was truly alone. Not a single living person wanted to spare him the time of day besides Gonta. And now that Gonta is dead, nobody wants Kokichi. Even though I was fully convinced he was a sadistic, evil bastard at this point, I still figured that he must’ve felt some sort of sudden and crippling loneliness realizing that the only person who cared about him in the slightest was dead.

This interpretation of Kokichi I had really didn’t change much until after I had finished the entire game and stopped to think about Kokichi a bit more; his heartfelt final words to Kaito felt like lies to convince him to play along (blackmailing Maki certainly didn’t help with that much either), and his whole trick felt less like him trying to help and more like him just trying to cause chaos for the hell of it in my mind.

So, in conclusion, my initial reaction to the Kokichi scene? I thought Kokichi was a heartless bastard whose only remorse could be crippling loneliness. Although my initial analysis while I was still playing was quite interesting, I have some different opinions on it now that I’ve taken a step back and viewed the game as a whole.

KOKICHI ONLY WANTS YOU TO THINK HE’S EVIL:

Surprise! Kokichi isn’t a sadistic fuck! Crazy right? 

Well, not really if you’ve watched/read any Kokichi analysis ever. However, Kokichi’s act seems to be a common thing that many casual players of v3 fall for. I certainly fell for it when I played, as you saw above!

It isn’t until far later in the game that it is revealed that Kokichi is the “supreme leader” of a pacifist prankster club (DICE), and it isn’t revealed until the end of Chapter 5 that Kokichi actually had good intentions in setting up his mastermind persona (although, as seen above, those good intentions are still very easily interpreted in a bad light).

So why does he bother to so obviously cry wolf at Gonta’s death just to double back on his persona ten-fold as soon as he’s called out on it? Because he’s just trying to sell his mastermind persona, not only to the other characters and the mastermind, but to the player themself. This is intended by both Kokichi and the writers themselves, made obvious by the fact that we get no real evidence of Kokichi being a benevolent person until long after this scene. (There are many moments in earlier chapters where Kokichi is trying to be helpful to the group or to a specific character, however every time he attempts this, it is painted in a negative light because he is either going against the protagonist’s will or achieving things in a more underhanded manner via lies or provocation). 

When I saw Kokichi crying for Gonta, my first thoughts were, “I am going to THROTTLE this fucking BASTARD.” Because even if those tears were real, Kokichi was still the one fully responsible for Gonta’s death, so I felt that he had no right to shed tears over it. If it weren’t for Kokichi’s crying during this scene, I would have been very suspicious of how suddenly his evil villain act amped up. If he hadn’t shed tears that were so obviously fake, I would not have been nearly as enraged with him, and therefore not nearly as willing to just accept the fact: “Well. Guess he’s evil now.”

Whereas I would’ve chalked the scene without crying to bad writing, the viewers of the killing game, and by extent the mastermind, would garner suspicion towards his actions. Although Kokichi was not aware that Keebo had direct contact with the outside world, he was very aware that the killing game had to have been broadcasted to somewhere. He had to ensure that he was as convincing as possible; that meant no “bad writing” mistakes could be left anywhere.

I stand by what I said before in that Kokichi’s crying in this scene is just a bunch of crocodile tears. However, with new context and information surrounding the situation, they probably weren’t devoid of emotion. Kokichi only allowed himself to cry here in order to properly double back on his new mastermind persona, however, unlike what I believed before, he most likely did feel remorse at the deaths of Gonta and Miu. He just broke his last standing moral code: don’t murder people. And he broke it by indirectly causing the deaths of two people he may have considered to be his friends. That’s heavy stuff! 

Kokichi is faking these reactions to the trial because he has to if he wants to deceive everybody. But... the best acting comes from the heart.

LONELINESS AND GUILT:

As I covered in my initial reaction to Kokichi’s breakdown, I felt as though he couldn’t possibly have any remorse for his actions, so he must have been devastated knowing that he would now be truly alone. This view was heavily influenced by Shuichi’s words after the trial... because they were true. 

After Kokichi criticizes the group for coming to Kaito’s aid, Shuichi turns around and tells Kokichi that he is the pathetic one because he will always be alone. There are no lies to these words. Now that Gonta is dead, and now that Kokichi has gone so far into his persona, not a single person wants to even be near him.

Now that I’ve established that Kokichi’s actions post-trial were most definitely an act and not representative of his true feelings, we can discuss what his true feelings may have been. I come back to the idea of Kokichi fearing being alone because, hey! My past ignorant self was actually onto something!

The acknowledgement that Kokichi feels remorse for his actions just makes this situation even sadder for him; not only did he just indirectly murder two people and has to put up with the guilt of that, but now, nobody cares about him either. Not that anybody in the cast cared for him all that much in the first place (aside from Gonta), but Shuichi’s words to him here seal his fate as the permanent outcast and assigned villain of the group. He had already been struggling with loneliness throughout the beginning chapters of the game, and now Shuichi - the only person he finds truly trustworthy (according to his little whiteboard, at least) - is confirming to him that nobody wants him. Ouch.

I am personally led to believe that a large part of the reason that Kokichi ends up sacrificing himself in Chapter 5 has a lot to do with the broken feelings he would’ve had under the combined guilt of his actions and the crushing reality of loneliness.

Would Kokichi have offered to sacrifice himself anyways given the circumstances? Probably, yeah. However, the way he was so accepting of his death reminded me a lot of Kaede in Chapter 1; she couldn’t allow herself to take the First Blood Perk because she felt that she had to atone for her sins, or she could never live with herself. Kokichi seems, in the moment, to be more than willing to die, perhaps for the same reasons. Not only would be feel like he has to make up for the deaths he caused, but he would also feel like he had nothing left to live for, at least not within the academy anyway.

Or maybe he was just tired from the poison, not from life. But who’s to say? We can’t see inside of his head.

FINAL THOUGHTS / CONCLUSION:

OK, so some final thoughts before wrapping this up: Holy shit, Kokichi is an asshole.

Even knowing the emotional turmoil Kokichi must have been going through, it was still infuriating to see him treat Gonta so poorly in Trial 4. Perhaps it was just a part of his act as well? Regardless, it really just did not sit with me well. Under no circumstance should Kokichi be continulessly yelling at Gonta while he’s crying from the insults, for real. But hey, at least if it was just another act from Kokichi, then he can rest easy knowing he certainly had me fooled.

...

So, in my opinion, Kokichi’s infamous breakdown was entirely fabricated. He had to fake both his tears and his sadism in order to fully convince the world that he was a force of pure malice in order to get away with what he had planned. However, despite his apparent change in personality, he never really was sadistic, and may have even cared for the people around him till the very end.

That’s all I guess  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#danganronpa v3 #danganronpa #drv3 kokichi #kokichi ouma #kokichi #v3 spoilers #danganronpa spoilers #danganronpa v3 spoilers

[curewhimsy]

Symphony Saga World info dump

For a friend to read.

In Symphony Saga: Resonate, the main characters are all around the teenage years, and some OCs will show up as UTAU characters. For example, Reisei will be Reisei Kiyone. Rhona Aequor, who already has an UTAU voice, will be a character as well.

Ok so the Haku and Neru part starts out really jarring but I like stories where characters escape an awful life to find happiness. And this part symbolizes escaping turmoil and finding peace.

———

HAKU AND NERU’S STORY

December 1st.

Haku and Neru are two misunderstood, troubled 16-year-old students who meet at lunch. They both have autism and are ostracized for it. Haku shows Neru her stuffed kitten Snowbell, and they bond and talk about nice things.

There was pizza for lunch, but it ran out because the bullies pushed Haku and Neru to the end of the line. Haku and Neru had to eat nasty asparagus coleslaw casserole.

Everyone starts talking about Haku and Neru and teasing them.

Bullies start sticking Neru with needles during her walk to gym class.

In gym class, Neru can’t walk far because the lunch upset her stomach. During the 5-mile marathon outside that the boot camp teacher made the class do, Neru lags behind in the rain.

The rain turns into a thunderstorm while Neru is outside. The entire school loses electricity during this time. Meanwhile, Haku has a breakdown in math class because she thinks about her grandmother’s death, and has to go to the counselor’s office alone in the dark. And the school is big and even scarier in the dark. Haku then trips and falls down the stairs.

Neru ends her school day in the nurse’s office, and getting painful rubbing alcohol being put in where bullies sticked her with needles. The counselor’s office is nearby, and they see each other there.

Haku and Neru meet again after school, and decide to run away. Haku’s mother is always late home from work, and Haku’s dad is nowhere to be found. Haku’s mother is very neglectful and Haku is convinced her mother wouldn’t miss her. Meanwhile, Neru is an orphan and lives with her mean grandmother.

Haku and Neru pack away their important things and run away to the mall where they find a secret room with a magical mirror that transports them to the magical world of Whimsica, in the town of Speckle Town. After stepping through the mirror, Haku’s plush cat Snowbell comes to life.

They are sent out through another mirror that is in Whimsica. This portal is a one-way portal, meaning they cannot go back through the mirror to get back to Earth.

The mirror is located in a wooded area in Speckle Town.

Snowbell, who is now alive, jumps from Haku’s arms and begins to wander off.

Haku and Neru follow after Snowbell and notice a very magical feel about the woods. They eventually make their way out of the forest and into Teto’s bakery.

But I literally cannot think about what happens next.

———

MORE DETAILS

Haku remembers her older half brother Dell from when she was a toddler. Dell would always comfort Haku when she cried, and was warm and kind. Dell would protect Haku when her parents fought. One day, Haku’s parents went through a bitter divorce. Her father took Dell with him and left Haku alone with her mother. Haku was 6 years old, and Dell was 7. Haku never saw Dell again.

Now in Whimsica, 10 years later, 16-year-old Haku finds out that Dell, now 17, is part of the evil organization on planet Monochrome, along with his father. Dell is now cold-hearted, sinister, and malicious. Everyone hates him. Haku is heartbroken at how her brother changed. However, she feels inside that this is not the real Dell. Haku feels that their awful father must’ve pressured Dell to turn to the dark side.

When Haku was 7 years old, she was introduced to her 5-year-old cousin, Miku Hatsune, to heal from the pain of losing her father and Dell. Haku and Miku got along and played together until Haku was 10 and Miku was 8. Then, Miku and her mother mysteriously moved away, vanishing without a trace...

6 years later, the two reunite in Whimsica.

———

THE UTAU CREW’S ADVENTURES

Uta Utane (AKA Defoko,) 14 years old, is an artificial humanoid from a dystopian planet where music is banned and kept a secret by the government. This planet mass-produces androids. This planet is at war with another dystopian planet and they both produce androids for the purpose for fighting the war. Due to a manufacturing error, the one of the “Default female-1” (codenamed “Defoko”) androids ended up significantly more sentient. She hated the war and fighting, so she rebelled. Defoko feels very depressed and empty about her life, and hates being a machine. She uses her advanced aerospace engineering intellect to build a spacecraft that can flee from the planet unnoticed, and arrives at the magical world of Whimsica where things are better on December 3rd. She changes her name to Uta Utane, after some kanji she saw on the sign of a karaoke cafe around her new home.

(*Uta chose to name herself after kanji from the cafe, because the musical sounds coming from the building made her feel something “warm and poignant.” The night when she visited the cafe, Taya and his friend Ritsu were inside, having a session of singing karaoke. Taya was singing a solo in attempt to get over his shyness. The sound Uta fell in love with was actually Taya’s singing voice.)

Uta begins living alone in a small, worn-down apartment. She gets a part-time job repairing computers to make ends meet.

Uta describes herself as being self-aware, but lacking the ability to feel euphoria. (Think of it as a sort of depression.) She wishes she were a “real girl” so she could feel this emotion. Despite this, Uta is a very kind, considerate, wisecracking, and compassionate spirit.

Uta enrolls herself in the local magical high school. It is a very, very strange school.

On her first day at school, Uta‘s first period class is cooking class. She ends up making everything explode. She doesn’t feel like she fits in. On her way to her second-period class, Uta ends up meeting Taya Soune, her shy 15-year-old classmate.

Taya is very late to class because a mean girl named Tei threw his monocle in the big wishing well and ran off, leaving Taya having to change into his wetsuit, dive in the well and find his monocle, and then go back to the dressing room and change back into his suit and tie outfit. Uta meanwhile is wandering the chaotic hallways of the school, completely lost.

Sometimes in Adventure Academy, when class is in session and students are supposed to be in class, there is a small chance of a monster spawning in the hallways. If a student needs to visit the bathroom or walk down the hall for any reason during a class session, a hall pass can protect students from these monsters.

A monster ends up spawning in the hall as Uta and Taya cross paths. It’s six feet tall and looks like a cross between a penguin, bear, and snake. And it has lots of neon spikes. Neither Taya or Uta have a hall pass on them, so it attacks them!

In Whimsica, monsters are creatures with no souls that typically do nothing but cause destruction. They are mostly made of negative emotions.

Taya may have some magic, but isn’t very good at fighting, so Uta uses her epic android powers to defeat the monster.

When monsters in Whimsica are defeated, they sometimes drop various kinds of items. The monster drops game tickets to use in the arcade. Uta doesn’t know what they are.

Taya thanks Uta profusely for defeating the monster. He is in awe of the new student’s powers and asks where she is from. Uta is very shy, which Taya doesn’t expect since she is so good in battle. She has a quiet voice that sounds monotone and a bit artificial. Uta finally spits out that she is an android from space. Taya realizes Uta may be sensitive about this, so he vows to try and keep this secret.

Taya tells Uta his name and begins to get to know her. He guides Uta on her way to her second period class, magic class, which they have together. After school, Taya says he will go to the mall with Uta and show her the arcade, and use the game tickets they acquired from the monster.

Uta’s third period is math class, which Taya isn’t in.

In math class, Uta meets two new friends named Teto and Momo. Taya’s third period class is music class. He has this class with with Ritsu, along with Ritsu’s other good friend, Ruko.

After third period class, is lunch break, and everyone meets up together.

Fourth period, Uta has computer coding with Ritsu. Taya has cooking class with Teto and Momo, and Ruko is alone in language arts.

Fifth period, everyone has gym class together.

Finally, in sixth period, Uta and Taya have Whimsica Geography class together. Everyone else is together in dance class.

Uta starts opening up to Taya when she feels she can trust him. By the end of the school day, they are friends.

“I want to be a real girl.” Uta tells him then. “I want to have a soul. As an android, I cannot truly feel joy.”

However, Taya believes that Uta is already a real girl, and that she has a beautiful soul. He is determined on his quest to help Uta feel true happiness.

After school, Taya takes Uta to the arcade, and Uta hears all kinds of music. Taya has never seen Uta so entranced before. Uta asks Taya why these sounds make her feel so alive. Taya tells Uta that they are more than just sounds, they have feelings and soul, and are called “music.” Uta falls in love with music. When she hears it, she becomes indescribably enthralled.

At the arcade, Taya plays a dance game and gets a pretty high score. Apparently, it’s Taya’s favorite game at the arcade and he has had a lot of practice every chance he could get. Uta is mesmerized as she watches Taya dance to the music. Uta is a bit shy to dance herself, but a spacecraft piloting game catches her attention. Uta plays the game and gets an incredibly high score, and ends up attracting a crowd of people in awe of her skills. Uta ends up getting a huge output of coins to exchange for prizes. When Uta and Taya put their coins together, they have enough to buy a brand-new karaoke machine that even comes with three karaoke albums to sing to!

Music had awoken something deep in Uta’s soul. It’s a feeling of excitement, thrill, and comfort, but also immense yearning. Uta feels she wouldn’t be truly happy unless she would be able to compose music and sing. Taya sees Uta staring longingly at the karaoke machine.

“Oh, would you like the karaoke machine?” Taya asks Uta. “If so, it can be all yours. I already have something like it. I think it would be great for you. You want to sing, don’t you? You’ll get to experience music even more!”

“Thank you.” Uta says. “But... I’m afraid I can’t.”

Uta looks incredibly forlorn.

“Why?” Taya asks softly. “What do you mean?”

Uta explains that she feels she wouldn’t be able to sing or compose music, since one needs a heart to be able to make music. Uta is convinced she doesn’t have one. Also, can a being with an artificial voice really sing?

Taya can tell how much Uta longs to create music. He hugs her gently and tells her that he’ll help her however he can, and that she shouldn’t give up.

Taya ends getting a bit emotional. Uta ends up getting emotional too. They end up holding up the line. Merli, a snobby girl from school, is next in line. She rolls her eyes and says “Oh PLEASE.”

Taya ends up developing feelings for Uta. Her story and dream pulls at his heartstrings. He feels very sincerely for her.

They end up buying the karaoke machine and go back to Uta’s apartment. Taya calls his parents and tell them he is at a friend’s house. Taya supports Uta with her dream and teaches her the first steps to singing. They have their first singing lesson.

Taya is a bit shy with singing, but he is determined to be a good vocal coach to Uta. He looks back to the exercises he did with Ritsu in attempt to get over his shyness. As Taya sings, Uta recognizes his voice as “the sound that awakened her soul” back when she first came to Whimsica, but she keeps quiet about it due to being bashful.

It takes a while, but Uta finally figures out how to match pitch. She is able to vocalize simple tunes, but still has a long ways to go...

Taya soon hears Uta practicing her singing by herself a lot. At first Uta is very upset and discouraged because she just can’t seem to control her voice well. Eventually, Tei Sukone, who bullies Uta and Taya, says Uta should just give up. “She’s just a robot, right?” Tei says. “Robots don’t have souls. They don’t have what it takes to sing.”

Uta feels deeply hurt and discouraged by this comment and considers maybe she wasn’t meant to sing. Afterwards, Ritsu becomes very angry with Tei... but he also has things to say to Uta as well. “Are you really going to give up just like that?” Ritsu criticizes Uta. “Don’t be so weak-willed!” Uta begins crying. Taya comforts Uta and tells Ritsu he was a bit harsh. Uta was already feeling hurt enough.

Uta doesn’t give up, runs off somewhere, and sings all day with bad technique and without any breaks until she passes out alone. Taya searches around town for Uta and finds her unconscious. Everyone is extremely worried. Ritsu gets a chance to apologize to Uta and says he just wanted to see her fulfill her dream and would’ve been as crushed as Uta if she were to have given up. He didn’t mean to be so harsh. Ritsu and the rest of Uta’s friends reassure her and recommend her to take breaks and exercise better technique.

Uta’s friends help her the best they can, and Uta begins practicing singing nearly every chance she gets, but this time with breaks and good technique. Taya can tell that Uta really loves music and is truly determined. Eventually he’s impressed and blown away by how far she gets. Even though Uta was never programmed to be able to sing, she eventually begins to develop a unique singing voice through hours upon hours of practicing painstakingly.

Eventually there is a part where Taya, along with the rest of the group of Uta’s good friends (Teto, Momo, Ritsu, and Ruko) are captured because they were accused of stealing “Defoko” away from the planet that produced her. Uta is taken back there as well, but she uses the combat powers she kept hidden for a long time to bust out.

Uta then fights her own creators with a power that is foreign (and deadly) to them.... The power of song! The power of love, and passion, and heart, and... joy! The evil aliens do not stand a chance against the power of Uta’s magical song and voice.

“Defoko! When the heck did you learn to produce a singing voice? This isn’t what you were programmed to do! Stop this madness, right this instant!” They tell her.

Uta does not give them mercy. They took her precious friends. They continue to manufacture androids that cannot feel joy. This needs to stop right now!

Uta ends up destroying the entire sinister operation, and also starts both of the dystopian planets down their paths to peace.

After this feat, and rescuing her dear friends, Uta fulfills herself and unlocks her magical girl transformation. In Whimsica, magical transformations are unlocked when the user “fulfills” themself, symbolizing that they’ve overcome a difficult hurdle, accomplished a wonderful goal, or opened the door to their true self.

Now that Uta is fulfilled, she unlocked the power herself to be able to experience euphoria. All the other androids that were produced by her shady manufacturer also gained the ability to feel joy as well.

Uta had slain the chains in her heart and will live on happily with Taya and the rest of her friends.

Uta’s three siblings are also androids created by the same planet who admire her and want to be her siblings after she ends up saving them. They are related in a sense since they were created by the same “company.”

But this is not the end of the story with everyone.

Now it’s time for Taya’s story.

Taya hasn’t seen Saya for years... He is beginning to lose hope that she’s still alive...

Taya Soune and Saya Toune were childhood best friends who grew up someplace else. However, one day when they were both 12, Saya became depressed, and it was hard for Taya to watch his friend suffer. Some time afterwards, an earthquake hit the area and everyone had to take only their most important items and evacuate rapidly before a tsunami were to hit. Taya had to move to his current location, and had to leave Saya without saying goodbye. He never saw Saya again.

After this incident, Taya never got a phone call from Saya, or a letter or any hint she might’ve still been alive and out there. It wouldn’t have been unlikely that Saya and her family had died tragically in the earthquake or aftermath tsunami.

Taya is now left with a heavy, broken heart, and an intense fear of earthquakes. He is most torn apart that the fact that Saya had depression and the last few months before her departure to be so sad.

One day in the present, Uta, Taya, and the rest of the friend group are out at the mall. A song comes on that reminds Taya of his memories with Saya. He begins fighting back tears, but eventually starts sobbing and splits from the group, telling everyone he needs a moment alone. Everyone is concerned. Uta approaches Taya gently after he calms down. Taya then tells Uta about Saya, their story, and how much he misses his friend.

Uta is the first person Taya tells about Saya since he had moved. None of his other friends knew about the sadness he hid in his heart.

It had been years since Saya’s disappearance. Taya has pretty much lost all hope at this point.

Uta reassures Taya that he still shouldn’t give up hope. Uta’s words uplift Taya with a new hope that he had never before felt.

One day when Taya is feeling useless, Uta consoles him and tells him something she was too shy to say before.

“Taya, your voice was the sound that awoken my soul. When I first came to Whimsica, I walked past the karaoke cafe, and I heard you sing. It was the first time I had ever heard music. You sang so wonderfully, and I felt so warm. I felt then, that music was a truly amazing thing. It was you who changed my life Taya... So please, don’t feel sad.”

Eventually, it turns out that Saya is actually still alive. One fateful day, Taya and Saya reunite. Saya becomes a part of Uta and Taya’s group of friends.

(To he continued!)

———

EVEN MORE DETAIL and brainstorms

How do they search for Saya?

What about Taya’s musical play? -It is called “Fantasia Saga” -He started writing it out of grief of losing Saya. -Leeds Kasumiga, a girl with an illness, becomes a big fan of Taya and his play and acting.

Miscellaneous emotional stuff:

Funny interactions and things: Taya’s incredibly neat majestic handwriting Ritsu’s cursed illegible chicken scratch handwriting

Fluffy interactions:

Happenings:

Drama: -Ritsu is just sad sometimes -Uta still struggles with feeling inadequate and depressed at times, even after her heroic feat... But her friends are there to cheer her up. -Ritsu’s unrequited feelings for Taya... -Tei has a crush on Teto, and really doesn’t like Momo! Momo becomes Tei’s bullying target... -Ritsu used to bully Gumi as an elementary schooler, but now feels deep remorse and longs to apologize -Taya is very set off by a minor earthquake, due to his traumatic memories dealing with a major one in the past. Taya and Uta’s have a minor disagreement... and both of them become very torn up about it -Momo’s goodbye? But in the end, it turns out she can stay... -Ritsu and Ruko have a big fight... but make up and become even closer -Taya and Saya’s tear-jerking reunion... -Saya doesn’t recognize Taya for a split second, because his appearance had changed, and so did his gender identity. But the moment Saya recognizes his heart and sincerity, she knows it is Taya.

Miscellaneous random details

Magical transformations and fantasy things: Monster of the week?

#my writing #infodump #symphony Saga: resonate #symphony saga #symphony Saga resonate #utau #vocaloid #life of pastell #brainstorm #fic #fanfiction #blue song #yowane haku #oc #ocs

[missfay49]

So... Thoughts on the new episode? :)

Nonnie, I could write an essay on this episode.  And i just might.

There I was, just “supes caszhj” as Griffin McElroy would say, watching Patton sincerely trying to be less strict, pleasantly surprised that everyone was not at each other’s throats...  

C!Thomas busting in all hotheaded was a bit of a misdirect, but it let us know he was actually really upset about it, so the rest of the characters could be more measured.

Then Logan pops in, trying to be “less distracting” and failing completely because, honestly, were any of us anywhere able to read any of those speech bubbles without pausing?  Roman knew it, he couldn’t even keep up while narrating.  It was extremely distracting!

I was not quite getting the theme yet, but I could see that they kept dead-ending at each example.  It was like (and turned out to be) Patton wasn’t addressing the problems that were being presented.  I actually got pretty frustrated, because it felt like they were stuck in a loop (you can say that again).  

He kept pushing the complicated problems aside for more clear cut problems, and trying to extrapolate from there.  But it never worked, the answer was never satisfying.  Because some problems just can’t be simplified.

The Trolley Problem was really the sign, for me, that things were getting out of control.  The most accepted answer (I think) is that you should pull the lever, because 5 lives are more important than 1 life, and choosing to not act is still a choice.  They never even got to that conclusion.  And that’s because solving the Trolley Problem didn’t actually matter.  What mattered was seeing the extremes to which Patton would go to put others first, because he couldn’t let go of his black and white view of the world.  His views literally (in game) knock C!Thomas out.  His views were symbolically self-defeating.

And I, a fool, foolishly thought it was wild enough when LilyPadton’s video game attack K.O.’d video game C!Thomas.  But Then!  THEN!  Deceit puts all his cards on the table.  In a throwback to the courtroom scene, he raises his right (human) hand and speaks the truth.  His name.  

(Yes I thought there was something written on his hand and yes I thought he said Janice, I am only human, so sushi.)

If you recall, Janus never really swore to tell the truth back then.  He says “I know I do,” but he himself had not put a hand on a book to swear by.  (Fun side note: neither does Virgil.  He never touches the book offered and just says “whatever.”)  So, symbolically, this moment is the first time we see him make a conscious effort to be honest.

I. Died.

Or at least I would have, if Roman had not immediately pushed the scene forward again.  (seriously, could someone make a video edit where, instead of being mocked, there’s just silence, and pictures of random movie scenes where ppl are smiling and saluting?)  And while the words that followed were unanimously heartbreaking, the timing of their responses was more important to the video.  

The constant pushing, rushing, struggling that all the characters were going through was so true to form for emotional turmoil.  You’re trying so hard to figure it out, but each possible solution comes up short and you just keep leaping to the next option, looking for the answers.  All these thoughts keep popping in unannounced (Logan), and your mind is a mess.

That’s not necessarily a bad approach, because without going through so many examples, they may never have reached their realization. The reason why nothing was working: It was because they were trying to fit complicated problems into simple boxes.  But you have to stop and step back eventually.  It took the shock of Roman and Janus’ exchange to make everyone realize how far off track they’d gotten, and really take a look at the whole approach instead of just the individual problems.

Patton did suddenly side with Janus, but it wasn’t out of nowhere.  Patton has known for weeks that he’s missing the mark.  Months, if you count his smaller interactions with Virgil.  Upon Janus appearing in the Megaman sequence, he continued his normal behavior of arguing against whatever Janus stated, up until he saw he had hurt C!Thomas himself.  

This is the climax of the show.  Not anyone’s individual arc, but the entire series.  C!Thomas’ moral backbone, a thing which is arguably our first and most strongly instilled cultural support, was shaken.  Patton could not waste time.  He saw he had hurt C!Thomas so he immediately changed.  He saw in that moment that Janus was protecting C!Thomas, and changed how he spoke to Janus.

As shown clearly in SVS, Patton will do just about anything to get his way, including bribary.  He is not lawful in his approach to morality.  He is an “ends justify the means” type of person, just like Janus.  The difference was just in what ends they want to accomplish.  But, seeing the video game results of his means, he realizes that the ending wasn’t going to be a good one if he kept going that route.  He has now decided that in order to “win” the game, his means must change, and he aligns himself with Janus because Janus was visibly in the position of C!Thomas winning.

In conclusion!

We have the Stated Theme: It is not wrong to prioritize your mental health, even when it means putting yourself before others.

But we also have the Unstated Theme: Trying and Failing and Why that’s Okay

Every. Single. Side. In. This. Episode. Fails.

Logan fails to be either convincing, inconspicuous, or detached.  His arguments sway no one, he’s very noticeable, and he gets upset at the end.

Patton fails to be more flexible.  His strict viewpoint gives him an actual breakdown. 

Roman fails to be the ‘hero’.  Although the rest might still happily give him that title, his actions did not match up to the role.  He mocks a part of C!Thomas in a moment of vulnerability, and believes they would openly, knowingly lie to him.  He does not act with faith in himself or others.  

And Janus.  That sweet baby.  He fails to tell the truth.  And it’s not because he wasn’t telling the truth in this episode.  I firmly believe his nod was meant to encourage Roman and indicate that C!Thomas meant what he said.  But Janus failed to take into account the effects of his past actions.  They are suffering now for his past mistakes and, careful planner though he is, he didn’t see that coming.  You can’t just Start being honest one day and expect everyone to go along.  

But it’s okay.  

It’s okay because a person cannot undergo drastic, necessary change without first falling apart.  And please understand that this is all in a metaphorical sense.  A person doesn’t need to have an actual mental breakdown to change, but the structure, that is, the strict mental guidelines that we have erected for ourselves and are desparately clinging to cannot stay standing if change is to take place.

Patton, Roman, and C!Thomas experience a complete change in their worldview in this episode.  They each react to that change in their own way:

Roman is angry.  He’s mad at the time spent trying to follow a path that was eventually determined to be wrong.  He doesn’t yet see the value in the time spent.  He’s a man of action, after all.  He’s focused on the past.

Patton is sad.  He already misses the times when things were simpler.  He’s nostalgic for the past even as he tries to make things right, right now.  He’s focused on the present.

And C!Thomas?  He is all of us after the dust settles.  Tired, yet hopeful.  Resigned to face another day, another sunrise, after a much deserved break.  

He’s focused on the future.

#boy howdy #the feels #the nuance #the references #so many references #sanders sides #ts spoilers #sanders sides spoilers #griffin mcelroy #patton sanders #character thomas #logan sanders #deceit sanders #janus sanders #roman sanders #death mention #count my puns #virgil sanders #positivity #go break a leg tommy boy! #missfay

[ivnwrites]

How Asuka Langley Soryu is a realistic portrayal of teenage female sexuality

Neon Genesis Evangelion is a legendary science fiction and mecha anime created by Hideaki Anno in 1995 (though there's some heated debate over the second designation given the reality of the evangelions). It's noted for its psychological and theological discussions and its questions about humanity, loneliness, and what it means to live with other people. The main characters have also achieved this sort of legendary status, becoming easily recognizable, but they also are notable just for how well they're written.

Asuka Langley Soryu is one of the main eva pilots and, I am going to be talking about how she is depicted in terms of her developing romantic and sexual awareness in the series and how it's still one of the most accurate depictions of female adolescent sexuality in any media.(I am doing this as a currently 21 year old woman who went through being a 14 year old girl)

Asuka fits almost perfectly into the mold of a traditional mecha anime protagonist; we're told that she got her college degree at 13, she's an ace pilot, she's assertive and much more determined than the actual main character, and has a dead parent. But Evangelion isn't a traditional mecha anime so none of this happens without consequence. Asuka's accomplishments and her need to be the "best" are shown to be the result of her desperation not to be ignored. This in turn stems from her mother's insanity during which she thought a doll was Asuka and couldn't recognize her own daughter. Needing her mother to see her is so important and fundamental to her character that knowing her mother is still literally there 'watching over her' inside the eva is enough to pull her out of complete catatonia in the series ending. This background allows Asuka to have more depth than a traditional character who is simply portrayed as sexy with no knowledge of it or acknowledgement from other characters in the series, making her simply eye candy for the audience but has no ownership of her own body.

The most famous (infamous?) scene that needs to included in this discussion happens when she is attacked by Arael in episode 22 and has her mental breakdown, we see a snippet a the scene I'll talk about later with Kaji. It repeats over and over the last moment when she yanks open her shirt to expose her bra and the top of her breasts and screams "Look at me, dammit, look at me!" As a result of her mental state, we don't know if this is what actually happened, but that doesn't matter because the scene tells us that this is part of how Asuka thinks of her body in her own mind. One analysis I've read talked about this scene as Asuka's frustration that "her body isn't developed or adult in the way she wishes it was." I agree with this, and also read the scene as her sort of trying to physically reinforce her assertion that she's an adult, and her saying 'I have an adult body, why don't you want me?'

This frustration and anger stems from the conflicting messages that girls receive. They're told at various young ages that they're women just because of their bodies development. Growing breasts mean that they are "getting a woman's body," they "become women" when they start menstruating. However, these physical experiences are universal, and pay no heed to a girl's individual mental development. Physical changes can only exacerbate this, because girls see their bodies matching those of women, and so does society at large. Girls the world over start to be treated as adults the instant they start developing breasts when it comes to seeing them as sexual objects, but at the same time, they are still belittled and told that they aren't smart enough to know their own bodies. Girls are also told that they supposedly mature faster than boys, and all of this together creates a strange conflict where girls are at the same time told that they are supposed to be adults and yet only treated as adults when it is convenient for those around them, or when they do something wrong, otherwise they are seen as foolish children. "Save the world, but don't expect your emotional turmoil to be taken seriously."

This can be seen clearly in her relationship with Kaji. Throughout the series, Asuka is shown to be infatuated with him, even though he’s in his 30s and already in an on-again-off-again relationship with Misato. He's shown openly flirting with other adult characters in the series, and multiple characters even get in cracks about it, but from his first appearance onward, he brushes off every one of her advances. We see what is perhaps the most significant their interactions during the Arael scene. The audience is shown a flashback to the two of them having a nighttime conversation on the deck of a ship while they're traveling to Japan from Germany during which she tries somewhat clumsily to seduce(?) him and convince him that she's not interested in anyone else. His ultimate response is to tell her that she's still a child and doesn't have to rush into everything because she still has time.

In reality, it isn't rare for teenagers to develop crushes on adults in addition to their peers. In real girls, the same way as in the series, they can see it as a sign that they are more mature than their peers or even more ready for an 'adult' relationship than those around them. Asuka has what is probably the best outcome; the subject of her affection turns her down but is otherwise kind, as are the other adults around her. In the end it's her own deeper unacknowledged problems that cause the situation to spiral. The problem is that unlike in the series, there often seems to be no way for girls to win psychologically. In real life, if a girl's feelings are returned this leads to obvious problems, and public rejection can lead to ridicule. Girls are blamed for mistakes on the one hand, and belittled on the other. They aren't given the compassion and understanding that they need most at those times.

Through her interactions with Kaji, we can see the disconnect between Asuka's desire to be seen as an adult and her actual actions. She become hyper, somewhat aggressive, and slightly possessive when Kaji is around, becoming frustrated when the relationship between him and Misato rekindles. From Asuka's perspective, she can't see why she isn't the better choice. As discussed above, she sees her physical body as functionally the same as all the other women Kaji expresses even passing interest in, and psychologically she sees herself as more mature than Misato (and she is both right and wrong depending on which aspect of their personalities you examine, but that's a whole unrelated issue). The problem is that she has no idea what the adults around her are thinking; an adult man will not be attracted to an adolescent girl, and though all of the women around her can see that this is just a teenage crush, Asuka herself doesn't have the life experience to know this yet. This, combined with her fear of being ignored, means that what is actually a perfectly reasonable rejection registers to her as abandonment.

We can see this even more clearly if we look at her relationship with Shinji. The two of them are the same age, classmates, living together with Misato, both lost their mothers at a young age, both pilot the evangelions, and have grudging sexual tension that persists to the very end. Despite this, their personalities are pretty much incompatible. The line that is most iconic between them is Asuka's  "what are you, stupid?" (the english dub's version of her japanese line "Anta baka?" basically asking 'are you dumb?'). Shinji is a lot more timid and less self confident than Asuka, and she frequently is shown literally pushing him around. We see in other parts of the series that he is attracted to her but is too intimidated by her to really be able to do anything.

At one point when the two are alone at home, she kisses him, explicitly stating that it's because she's bored. It predictably doesn't go well, with Shinji just standing there frozen until Asuka backs away and then runs to the bathroom to dramatically rinse her mouth out, declaring that she should never kiss to kill time. It's played as a funny scene, but later we see that it actually had a deep effect on Asuka. It's implied that she did see Shinji as a potential romantic interest, but saw his silence and his lack of engagement with her as rejection, and this along with his improvement as a pilot over the series leads her to resent him more and more. During her mental breakdown, Asuka sees an image of his face and screams "You won't help me! You won't even hold me! You're no one! No one!"

In her mind, she has been rejected by all of the people sh's approached romantically. This leads her to feel unwanted and she starts to draw in on herself, and her feeling of animosity grow to encompass all of the characters in the series. In the same episode as her breakdown, she's shown standing naked in front of a bathtub (see note below) saying how much she hates having to be so close to Misato and Shinji. She become more and more worked up until she kicks something across the room yelling "I hate Misato, and I hate Shinji, and I hate that First Child bitch Rei! I hate my dad, I hate my mom! But mostly, most of all, I hate myself! I hate this! I can't stand it anymore! Why do I have to do this! Why me?!"

It is intriguing that Asuka, and the other female characters in Evangelion who show similar insight, came from the mind of an unmarried (at the time), childless man in his mid-30s. Anno himself says that "I like to read romance novels written by women. Since I'm a male, I don't really know the emotions of women. And because I want to understand their feelings, and create more realistic female characters, this is something I have to pursue." and there are plenty of accounts of him asking female animators and voice actresses for their input on characters to ensure that they were realistic. Because of this, Anno allows Asuka to express some of the frustration teenage girls feel with their bodies, and manages to walk the thin line of making Asuka real as a burgeoning sexual being without crossing into the sexualization of a minor.

Note: It is uncomfortably easy to find sexual art and dolls of the underage main female characters in the series but none of this comes from the series itself (there is one character who provides occasional 'fanservice', but she is an adult woman in her 30s). In the actual anime, nudity is not treated sexually, rather it is used to represent and heighten characters' feelings of vulnerability and isolation, reinforcing the idea that characters have been left completely alone with nothing except for their own skin, and at times not even that. Despite this, fans in Japan fixated on the character Rei Ayanami, which Anno attributed to the fact that "They can't handle strong women such as Misato and Asuka." This is even more unfortunate because it abandons the character's stoic loyalty and dive into self reflection midway through the series in favor of reducing Rei to an injured quivering victim using just the visuals of episode 1 (though once again, there's character traits there that are ignored as well). The most important part to say about this is also the fact that both Rei and Asuka are 14 YEARS OLD IN THE SERIES. For god's sake Japanese men, WHY!

Another Note: Actually I can explain why; the age of consent in Japan is 13 which has led to entire industries based on the exploitation of teenage girls, which means that child prostitution and pornography are rampant. Essentially, pedophilia is totally legal in Japan, in addition to child pornography as long as it isn't of real people, meaning that pedophilic anime and manga are totally legal, because easily available child pornography has 0 negative impacts, right? (WRONG). industries based on exploiting young girls: https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/asia_pacific/for-vulnerable-high-school-girls-in-japan-a-culture-of-dates-with-older-men/2017/05/15/974146c4-035d-11e7-9d14-9724d48f5666_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.a58a262e1867 child pornography laws in Japan: http://time.com/2892728/japan-finally-bans-child-pornography/ https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/57eaaf23-0cef-48c8-961f-41f2563b38aa

#neon genesis evangelion #asuka langley soryou #analysis #character analysis #evangelion #this turned out longer than I expected

[thedcdunce]

Mister Mxyzptlk

“But I have yet to begin to shenanigan! And I shall shenanigan again and again!” - Mister Mxyzptlk

Aliases:

Clark Kent

Ruppletat

Mister Mxyztplk

Mixelplik

Gender: Male

Eyes: Black

Hair: White/ Balding

Race: Imp

Powers:

Magic

Abilities:

Journalism

Weaknesses:

Power Limitation

Mental Illness

Universe: 

New Earth

Prime Earth

Base of Operations: Zrfff, 5th Dimension

Marital Status: Single

First Appearance: Superman Vol 2 #11 (November, 1987)

Powers

Magic: Mxyzptlk is nigh-omnipotent and can do virtually anything imaginable; he can manipulate anything and everything under him.

Teleportation: Mxyzptlk can disappear and reappear anywhere instantly with a thought. 

Gesturify: Mxyzptlk can manipulate logic and the fundamentals of reality on a multiversal scale. He can create structured lifeforms with full complexions that don't exist just by thinking, and in that regard, he can also make any living organism vanish and become non-existent at a single thought.

Metamorphosis

Immortality: Mxyzptlk is able to use magic to survive most attacks, making him impossible to defeat without exploiting his weaknesses. He can regenerate and heal himself instantly and has high tolerance to pain.

Flight

Cosmic Awareness

Abilities

Journalism

Weaknesses

Power Limitation: Mxyzptlk's actions are also governed by restrictions that he establishes for himself. If Mxyzptlk decides that he will return to the 5th Dimension if someone convinces him to spell his name backwards, then he is obligated to comply with the regulation. Once banished, Mxyzptlk must remain in the 5th Dimension for a minimum of ninety days before returning to Earth. When Mxyzptlk is banished, all of the damage he caused would be reversed and any of his spells or magic used on Earth will fade.

Mental Illness: Mister Mxyzptlk has an irrational compulsion and attachments towards practical jokes and things of a prankish, immature nature. He rarely takes fighting seriously and normally spends his battles goofing off or playing games, uninterested in harming or killing his enemies.

History

The history of Mister Mxyzptlk is unknown before he introduces himself to Superman in his most known form, although it is suggested that he visited the universe before in other forms.

Origin

According to one story, young Mxy was drawn to Earth and encountered Young Justice, years after his adult self first visited Superman. This Mxy was a serious student who was disbelieving of Young Justice's claims that he would go on to be a prankster for Earth's greatest hero. He vowed to never become that person. Unfortunately, this changed history so that the Earth was destroyed, so the boys Robin, Superboy, and Impulse had to indoctrinate Mxy with "Three Stooges" videos, changing him from the serious student to the silly prankster. However, when Superboy encountered the adult Mxy after this adventure, he seemed to have no knowledge of their encounter.

Post-Crisis

Mxyzptlk first appeared on the Post-Crisis Earth in Metropolis posing as a dashing young man named Ben Deroy, who convinces Lois Lane to marry him. Superman quickly learns that he's really an imp from the 5th Dimension. The imp agrees to go home, undoing everything he has done magically, if Superman can get him to spell, type, or say his name backwards. He then proceeds to make up a name for himself on a giant typewriter, choosing "Mxyzptlk" as he figures it will be nearly impossible for Superman to accomplish. After putting up with Mxy's antics, Superman grabs the giant typewriter where Mxy left it and defiantly said that the imp could never type the name forwards. Mxy used his magic to type the same exact keys — but Superman had rewired the typewriter, so Mxy had to go home. After he was gone, some scientists theorized that he would not be able to return for 90 days.

On Mxy's next visit to Metropolis, he revealed that the "rules" to send him back would change each time. This time around, Superman had to get him to paint his face blue, which he eventually was able to do.

The next time Mxy stopped by, he found that Superman was missing. He decided to have some fun with Lex Luthor instead, but Luthor double-crosses the imp, teaching him what a lie is in the process.

Mxyzptlk later uses his new experience with lying the next time he visits Earth. He decided to force the Flash into an around the world race against Superman, promising to leave only if Superman wins. Flash won the race, and Mxy revealed that secretly that was the real condition for his leaving.

Although Mxy exclusively annoys Superman, it has been implied that he has traveled to other universes to continue his amusement. As such, Mxy decided he did not have the time to pester Superman, but wanted to give him a hard time anyway. He appears to Luthor, and gave him a lump of "red Kryptonite" which turns Superman into a human. Mxy said it will work so long as Luthor does not tell Superman. Superman enlisted the help of Starman to steal the rock from Luthor while posing as the Man of Steel. Mxy dropped by to tell Luthor that "Superman" was really Starman before popping back out. The rock was useless to Superman, however, and as Clark Kent he angrily confronts Lex Luthor. Luthor bragged that Mxy gave him the kryptonite, figuring that he can tell Clark and Clark can tell Superman without the "rules" being violated. Unfortunately for Luthor, this breaks the spell, and Superman was restored. Mxy showed up again in Luthor's office, angry that Luthor told. Luthor accused of Mxy of lying about the rules, thinking that Mxy must have "really" meant that if he told anyone the spell would fade. Superman interrupts them before they could piece together the truth, and Mxy gets Superman to punch him out so he can get back to the other dimension.

Superman ended up being just as blind to Luthor's secret as Luthor was to his. Mxy's next encounter puts "Lex Luthor II" into his old body and uses his lying ability to torment both Luthor and Superman. Superman managed to defeat him and send him home again.

Mxyzptlk's next encounter was a minor one, occurring when an enraged Superman became convinced that Mxy was responsible for a dead body in his image appearing his old tomb. Mxy turned up to confess that he was not responsible, but given how much turmoil Superman had been under, he wouldn't heap on any more.

On his next visit, Mxy tried being "nice" by granting people's wishes — although the results of the wishes are disastrous: a woman who wishes her dough would rise faster results in it flooding out into the street; several people's desire to have a river view apartment cause their building to stand up and walk over to the river; and many, many people all win the lottery all at once. Mxy was distraught when he finds that Lois has broken off her engagement with Clark. He tries to put them back together, resorting to everything he knows how, but they all fail. He told Superman that he never used his wish, so he can wish for Lois to get back together with him. Instead, Superman wishes Mxy would return home.

Mxyzptlk was therefore happy when Clark and Lois got back together. He showed up at the church in both his new, cutesy form and his classic form to wish Superman the best, promising a visit sooner or later.

Mxy's next visit was pretty harmless, however. He arrived during a funeral and having no real understanding of mortal death, thinks the whole thing is rather hilarious. Superman was not amused by Mxy's mocking the subject of death — so Mxy makes fun of Superman's new costume and powers instead. He then decided to learn about death and earn the admiration of the world by recreating Superman's battle with Doomsday only with himself fighting the creature. Unfortunately, the creature is a little too good, and it succeeds in actually killing Mxy. The imp ends up at the desk of the "supreme being," Mike Carlin, the editor for the Superman books at the time, who restores him to life in the comics.

Rebirth

Mxyzptlk was captured by a transdimensional booby trap created by Mister Oz, putting him in a negative space prison. Mister Oz commented that because fifth dimensional beings were immortal, it would be 2,000 Earth years before either Mxyzptlk's girlfriend or Bat-Mite realized he was gone. Mxyzptlk gloats to Oz that Superman will come looking for him; when he doesn't, Mxyzptlk suffers an emotional breakdown. In the depth of despair he says Kltpzyxm, and finds out that it can crack his prison. However, it is very painful for him to do so. He pushes through the pain and, after saying Kltpzyxm with multiple heads, escapes the prison.

However, Mxyzptlk finds that Mister Oz prepared for this possibility. To escape, Mxyzptlk turned himself into a physical and mental duplicate of Clark Kent. However, the inconsistencies of those who remembered Clark Kent caused him to confront Superman and his family. This encounter prompts him to remember who he truly is. Eager for revenge at being forgotten, he kidnaps Jon Kent, Superman and Lois' son. Mxyzptlk also reveals that both the New Earth and Prime Earth Supermen are actually two halves of the true, complete Superman, who was split into two separate people during the Flashpoint. The two Supermen save Jon and become a single, complete version of Superman, while Mxyzptlk escapes to another dimension, as his actions have brought the attention of an entity even he fears.

Fun Facts

Mister Mxyzptlk reveals that he can move from one alternate reality to another and that the name he uses has different spellings and pronunciations depending on the reality he is in: Mxyzptlk, Mxyztplk, Mixelplik. The pronunciation on New Earth was mix-yez-pittle-lik.

Mxy did not only plague Superman in the DC Universe, but it was hinted at that he was also the character Impossible Man from the Marvel Universe. This was a joke when he is shown in another universe having fun with his four "fantastic" new friends, and that it was "impossible" for him to always remember what he looked like from one universe to the next.

Mister Mxyzptlk is the name he adopts after he introduces himself to Superman and says that his real name would never translate into any Earth language.

Mister Mxyzptlk is sometimes simply known as Mxy.

Mister Mxyzptlk has an irrational compulsion and attachments towards practical jokes and things of a prankish, immature nature. He rarely takes fighting seriously and normally spends his battles goofing off, uninterested in harming or killing his enemies. It has been demonstrated that this is an aspect of Mxyzptlk's interaction with a three-dimensional reality such as the Earth-dimension. The more time he spends in the Earth dimension, the more prone he is to engage in puckish behavior.

#mister mxyzptlk #clark kent #ruppletat #mister mxyztplk #mixelplik #dc #DC comics #thedcdunce

[poetic-mime-blog]

I’m going to type out my thoughts on a matter here instead of reblogging a post and risking attracting more drama to my brother’s blog. Feel free to ignore this.

From my understanding, here’s how the chain of events went: 

- My brother was constantly bending over backwards to please and ensure that “F” was feeling safe and all right. He was also begging for communication from “F” so that there would be less issues arising, and so that their friendship could flourish in a healthy manner. Instead, he was given excuses and a refusal to establish healthy communication. Nonetheless, my brother still continued to do all that he could to keep things as stable as possible. 

- My brother shares a sketch with some friends. It included a hairstyle he had never done before, and he had not used any references for it, and he was proud of the outcome. One of his friends, “A,” who had no connections to “F” whatsoever, offered critique without first asking if my brother wanted it. This happened in a DM on Discord. Unfortunately, my brother was not in a good enough mindset to handle that and he started splitting on “A.” Unwarranted critique is a trigger for my brother thanks to some bad experiences in the past.

- My brother, upset, goes into a Discord server that he, “F” and some other friends are in, goes to the vent channel, and types out a very short rant about the situation and his frustration over it, as the unwarranted critique is something that has been happening consistently. All from different people. 

- “F” responds to the rant by making a message saying that they’re going to be muting the channel, as they can’t handle “reactionary negativity.” Nothing negative was said towards them as a result, on any front, and the subject was simply dropped immediately afterwards in the server. 

- My brother goes to his own blog to ramble then, to blow off some steam. He tagged the post as “negative” to help ensure it would be caught by those who had that tag blacklisted. He didn’t use “drama,” as it didn’t fit the situation. 

- Suddenly, “F” is blatantly avoiding and ignoring my brother. They were posting in the server at the time that my brother finished another sketch, which happened to be of one of “F”’s favorite characters of my brother’s. My brother excitedly sent “F” the sketch to share it. “F” did not respond and immediately stopped talking in the server. This was very odd behavior for “F” when nothing negative, as far as my brother was aware, had happened between them, and it set off my brother’s anxiety, but he didn’t think much of it, wanting to give “F” the benefit of the doubt instead of letting his anxiety run rampant. 

- The next day, my brother sees “F” posting in the server again. He messages “F” and asks if he did anything to upset “F.” Again, “F” immediately stops posting in the server and does not respond. At that point, my brother knew he was being ignored and he began to panic. He is left in this turmoil for hours, and eventually he leaves the server due to his panicking and feeling unwelcome by “F,” who created said server. 

- When “F” finally responds, it is with a vague message of, “I’m not in a position to explain myself, don’t beat yourself up over this >u<” This did not clarify if my brother had done anything to upset “F” or if “F” was upset over something else and my brother was simply caught in the cross of it, which had happened before. The not knowing and the tone that offered no concern over my brother’s own well-being due to “F”’s actions caused my brother to break down severely. 

- Messiah, one of our system protectors, was then triggered to the front, and he sent a very blunt message to “F,” saying that their actions were not okay. They offered no comfort or clarification as to what was going on, and my brother was feeling as if they were going to be abandoned. They were causing blatant harm to my brother, when my brother had been doing everything at this point to cater to “F”’s every need, and never returning that kindness. He mentioned that friends should not be doing what “F” was doing to my brother, as they were supposed to be friends. 

- “F”’s response to this was to block my brother on Discord and everywhere else without another word. This only made everything worse. It caused my brother to go into what are now weeks’ worth of depressive spirals, suicidal spells, and total instability. Abandonment is one of my brother’s biggest triggers. Period. 

- A few days ago, I attempted to extend an olive branch from my blog here, as my brother was still willing to try and work things out despite how toxic the situation had been. I was met with another, totally apathetic message, and blocked. It also contained an excuse of “our disorders just don’t work well together.” My brother has BPD, and “F” says that they have “AvPD.” However, I think it can be agreed with that there is a difference in saying, “I have this disorder and these struggles” and using said disorder as a crutch and as a way to say behavior cannot be improved and that one is not responsible for their own actions due to said disorder. The latter is exactly what “F” had been and continues to be doing.

- Yesterday, my brother finally decided to come out in the open about this situation. He used as many details as they could leading up to the abandonment, using only facts, and keeping “F” unnamed. He did not call “F” any derogatory names. He emphasized how negatively he has been impacted by this situation, as the entire thing boiled down to “F”’s refusal to communicate with him. If communication had been established as it should have been, my brother and “F” wouldn’t have had nearly as many issues as they did. And these issues were always minor. 

- Not all that long after, my brother received an anon whose message accused my brother of “taking this out on “F.”” The thing is, the only thing my brother did was lay everything that happened out on the table, explain why he has been so unstable and upset lately, and hint to the fact that “F” should take responsibility for their own actions. He has not sent anon hate to “F,” told anyone to harass them, or try to tell other people to not be friends with “F.” 

- This anon’s typing style and tone were nearly identical with the message I received here when I reached out to “F” so we and several of our friends are convinced that the anon was “F” themself, attempting to get my brother to shut up about what happened, as they don’t see themself as being in the wrong whatsoever. This hypothesis can also be backed by the fact that my brother did not have “F” blocked anywhere before the anon was sent. After answering it, my brother blocked “F”’s blogs, and there has not been a single negative anon over the situation since. 

Going off of all that, I can say that I see “F” as both toxic and an abuser. They cut my brother off the instant he was no longer a convenient presence for them, and after the one singular time one of us called them out on their toxic behavior. Keep in mind, “F” knew we are multiple and even claimed to have other friends who have DID, so punishing my brother for one of us standing up for him is disgusting to all of us that were aware of the situation. They walked all over my brother, made him jump through hoops to keep them happy while he was neglecting his own mental and emotional health to do so out of fear of saying anything negative to them. 

My brother actually had a similar “avoidance” situation happen between him and a different friend, “V.” My brother was having an unstable day to begin with, and “V” accidentally caused my brother to start splitting harshly on them. He reacted impulsively by going offline and not speaking to “V” without explanation. The next day, he saw how distressed “V” had become over it. His reaction was to apologize for hurting them, explain what caused him to react in such a manner, and to talk things out. There was also an agreement that he offered: if he was to start splitting like that again, he would tell “V” that he was splitting, and that he needed space, but they would be okay and they could talk things out later. 

This sort of explanation is what my brother begged “F” for in the cases that “F” would shut him out. A very simple but comforting explanation. “I can’t talk right now but we’re still friends.” That was all my brother ever wanted from “F,” but that was too much to ask for, apparently. 

Collectively, we’re autistic and have an assortment of other mental illnesses besides BPD. Saying vague things like what “F” did as their answer to my brother being scared out of his mind that he was about to lose his friend, offer no comfort and only cause confusion and more panic. 

And yet, the “anon” that sent my brother an apathetic message over the situation told us that “he”--lumping Messiah and my brother into the same category, reading as if they’re calling them the same person--overreacted to them saying they needed space. Messiah “overreacted” when they offered no explanation for anything whatsoever and caused my brother to start panicking and sobbing in the front because he didn’t know what was going on. A stern message, telling someone that causing their friend pain isn’t okay and that they need to communicate with their friend is “overreacting.” 

“F,” I don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but you are shit at hiding yourself on anon, and myself and ten other people (not in our system, mind you. I’m talking separate individuals) that we’ve talked to know that what you did wasn’t okay. It wasn’t healthy. None of it was. And you have a lot of growing to do. I hope you do. Because if you don’t, and you keep throwing away friends like you did my brother, you are going to end up alone. No one wants “friends” that will abandon them the moment they voice that they are being hurt. Not mildly inconvenienced. Not a little irritated or vaguely confused. Hurt. The kind of hurt that panic attacks, breakdowns, and sheer terror causes. The sooner you realize that, the better off you’ll be. In the meantime, you better not ever come near my brother again unless, like he mentioned when answering a different anon, you have a genuine apology, an explanation that isn’t bullshit and more manipulation, and are going to straighten up your act and work to gain back the trust that you highhandedly shattered because you refused to communicate and didn’t like being told that you were in the wrong. 

#Kur.txt

[tinybit92]

#rwby4 #rwby #generally positive thoughts #no ranting here friends