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femmespoiled · 2 years

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I'm new to the lesbian scene, I was jw what do butch and femme really mean? (Regarding your post yesterday)

Hi! I'm sorry I took a couple days to get to this, I've been wondering how to best, in the most complete way, address this, in the sense that I've answered this a few times and I keep adding more and more each time, it never seems like quite enough. I talked to my girlfriend, a fellow femme about this and she told me "I was thinking that you could surely write it just from your head and heart!" and she's right, I could, but to talk about these identities and pass only the subjectivity of my experiences and the bit of knowledge I have wouldn't do it justice. I will talk about it from those angles though, don't worry. I thought I could share bits and pieces of books that helped shape me into the femme I am today, I have mentioned those before, but I found myself with too many pieces, over 90, and I think that's too many for one post, so here and now I will promise to share those with you, not in this post, but in this blog and I believe sharing different experiences will help the general understanding. I am only one femme and my experience isn't universal, so we shall share the knowledge.

I have answered a similar ask before, here , hopefully the link works, if I miss anything, my butch/femme tag is also here, there I have a lot of resources there.

Butch and femme are complex and subjective identities (there are so many ways to be butch and femme , it's not one size fits all because everyone is a little different), and it's important to me that I don't diminish them into aesthetics, because I want people the understand that the center of butch and femme isn't looks.

Here's the center of these identities for me, what unifies us all, regardless of subjectivity, is that at the end of the day they are about community, about being there for each other, about taking care of each other, about finding safety in each other's arms when the world is still shitty towards you, about protecting one another in any way that you can and making sure they feel that sense of belonging in our community. Butch and femme are two sides of the same coin facing struggles and fighting to protect our counterparts however we need to.

In this case, I'll talk about these identities in lesbian communities.

Butch is authentic, transgressive, beautiful is its own ways, it's taking masculinity that for a long time was seen as only belonging to men and making it their home, their comfort, finding their true self there and giving it their very own meanings, much like femmes' femininity, their masculinity isn't one size fits all and it shows itself in different ways. Femme, for me, is taking femininity and making it your own, presenting yourself for others in your community, femme is strong, it's brave, it's fierce, it's demanding when we need it to be, it's making your voice heard for your sake and for others, because that's the important bit, it's all about community. Femme is being safety and community to butches and vice versa. Being femme is being proud. Femme is taking care of your community, it's making a home together where we all belong.

Butch and femme are about subversion and belonging.

It's not that without a butch I am not femme, or that we're necessarily attached, it's that their existence fosters my femmeness and brings it to its full potential, my place of belonging. Butches in general bring us something to contrast against while going both in the same direction.

The notion of that dynamic is important in its existence and application, regardless of romantic inclinations, the contrast, the mutual support and protection and uplifting, still should exist, being possible and necessary, while in a butch for butch or femme for femme, butch or femme4both relationship, etc.

Therefore those identities meet in their very own representation of lesbian gender and being there for each other.

Now I want to address a few misunderstandings I've seen about these identities*:

- you don't have to be tall to be a butch. There are no height restrictions in the butch identity, as far as I'm concerned. Short butches are still butches and beyond valid, your height doesn't determine how butch you are. The inverse is also true, femmes do not have to be short and petite, no height restrictions for us either.

- you don't have to be attracted to butches to be femme or to femmes to be butch, again not a requirement, but it's important to understand this is your community, regardless of romantic inclinations, the mutual support and protection and uplifting are deeply rooted in these identities, that is important.

- butch doesn't equal top/femme doesn't equal bottom. Butches do not have to be tops, butches do not have to be dominant, butches are not aggressive, at least none of the ones I know and have read about, butches don't have to have these characteristics attributed to "traditional"/stereotypical masculinity. These can be harmful stereotypes at times. Neither are femmes inherently submissive and agreeable to everything.

- in talking sexuality, stone butch and stone femme identities/dynamics/relationships are actually healthy and reciprocal, they're not selfish. And those boundaries should be respected. I have more about these in the butch/femme tag.

- femmes aren't always gender confirming. It is very frustrating for me that people still believe this, I'd say, more often than not, femmes are gender nonconforming, we can have complicated relationships with gender just like butches.

- you don't have to be physically strong to be butch. The butch identity isn't about your muscles. While I'm here talking about bodies, butches and femmes don't have to be white and thin, people of colour who have those identities are amazing, fat butches and femmes are such an important part of our community and history. Oh and disabled butches/femmes, you are so loved and valid.

In fact, when I talk about butch identity towards people of colour it reminds me of this piece from Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme:

hopefully readable, though I think you have to click on them to do so

- continuing, femme isn't hyper feminine all the time or even at all for some of us, butch isn't rough and tough and hyper masculine all the time or again, even at all. And that goes into what i said, those identities aren't looks, some femmes find comfort in hyper femininity, some femmes have a different version of their own femininity and that's okay, same goes for butches, there isn't a requirement of how masculine or feminine you have to be, masculinity and femininity are what you make of it, these concepts go through our experiences in life, our notions of self, etc.

- oh mind you, for some authors the idea of butch and therefore femme, in and of itself, is beyond the cisnormative standards. All of this to say, trans butches and femmes, you belong here. You're part of our history, to say that you don't is to ignore the importance and the work the trans community put in to get us here.

- butches can do whatever they want with their hair, wearing makeup doesn't make them less butch, not wearing makeup doesn't make femmes less femme, having short hair doesn't make femmes less femme, wearing clothes not traditionally considered feminine doesn't make you less femme.

At the end of the day each butch and femme are unique, you won't ever find one exactly like the other and that's what makes those identities beautiful.

*Of course I'm not covering all of them, there are just so many, but here's a few I've seen a lot and that were pointed out to me.

ID under keep reading.

ID: image 1 - text reading:

"While focusing on demonstrating butch and female masculinity's epistemological origins, many feminist theorists have interpreted butch as a way of "knowing, interpreting, and doing lesbian gender." Ontologically, these lesbian genders are seen as being "concerned with having an identity, and a kind of true self." Some understand it as both socially constructed "gender performance" and others as representing an essentialized heterosexual, biological, male identity that merely clones the referent. The expressions of one's gendered butch identity are intrinsically linked to culture and race. In Davis and Kennedy's classic Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold: The History of a Lesbian Community, they describe "a new style of butch, a woman who dressed in working-class male clothes for as much of the time as she possibly could, and went to the bar every day, not just on weekends. She was also street wise and fought back physically when provoked by straight society or by other lesbians." The political significance of this emergence lies in the visibility lesbians gained in the 1940s and '50s as World War II reshaped the American landscape, changing women's roles in relationship to work, gender, and family. Butch was a site of resistance to the heteronormative limitations on women. It was a place to embrace one's identity in a public way that allowed for alignment between the public and private self, a way of claiming space with your very presence. There is a long-standing history of butch representations that have helped solidify the iconic image of today's butch. The icon of butch identity was fashioned through historical narratives, poetry, biography, and classic novels such as Radclyffe Hall's The Well of Loneliness, written in 1928 and long considered the most well-known lesbian novel, The Beebo Brinker Chronicles from Ann Bannon, which moved butch into mainstream consciousness in the 1950s, and Leslie Feinberg's Stone Butch Blues, set in the pre-Stonewall era of the 1960s, which solidified the archetype. This "butch raging bull, as Halberstam argues, is meant to "offer masculinity a new champion" drawing on the iconography of the white male boxer. These works created a narrative for what and how butch looks and feels that still holds significant cultural power today. The external signifiers - the class and racial location of these historical accounts and cultural references to bars and customs - locate butch identity. This locating of butchness within a specific culture, class, race, and ethnicity makes it difficult for the masculine of centre person of colour to enter into the narrative without their gender presentation, specifically their version of masculinity, being questioned. Attempts to disrupt this sense of "classical" butch continue to rely on representations and cultural location within whiteness and white notions of masculinity and femininity. As Halberstam points out, there is cultural value in marginalizing masculinities that divert from the master narrative. Even though Halberstam is speaking to heteronormative masculinity here, these diverting narratives have the potential to "dilute" the "authoritative power" of white butchness in the same way. As this narrative is pushed into the mainstream queer consciousness to construct butch identity, many of our experiences are left out. Supporting versions of masculinity that we enjoy and trust, many of these "heroic masculinities" depend absolutely on the subordination of alternative masculinities. This role of the dominant narrative being constructed and circulated while simultaneously preventing alternative narratives is an important factor in establishing fixed understandings of female masculinity and butch."

Image 2 - text reading:

“Halberstam goes on to address female masculinity's relation to whiteness and identifies it as a site of inquiry for "cultural studies" yet does not venture down the road of how the relationship to race critically alters female masculinity as a concept. The challenge in theorizing butch gender and identity is that to determine how it operates, you have to locate it within certain bodies and cultural and sexual practices. These various locations, when analyzed, become fixed and static through the work of the writer exploring their creation and development. A central argument in Female Masculinity is that masculinity "becomes legible as masculinity where and when it leaves the white male middle-class body." While a considerable amount of the analysis explores when and where the narrative departs from the male body, less attention is given to when and where it departs from whiteness. Unlike white female masculinity, female masculinity for womyn of colour is based on sites of power and systemic oppression - through masculinities of colour. The assumption that they can be resignified with equal subversive and revolutionary actions against white manhood is false. The ability to access masculinity pivots upon the ways in which gender intersects with race, and these gaps have been filled with many new ways of naming ourselves. In the last decade, the explosion of young masculine-of-centre womyn has created a demographic shift on the butch landscape, giving way to terms like "stud," "boi," "tom," and "macha" in California and the South, "dom" within the DC, Maryland, and Virginia region, and "aggressives," or "AGS" in New York. These identities represent a redefined female masculinity that is rooted in the experiences of womyn of colour and is more genderqueer than historical interpretations of butch. For some this raises the question: "What is happening to all of our butches?" I think this evolution highlights the fact that, for many of us who came of age ten or twenty years ago, and even called ourselves butches, we never felt fully rooted in that language and space. As a community, we have the opportunity to respond with an open heart to this evolution, ensuring that the legacy of butch as a social, political, and personal space continues to grow and thrive. But we must also concede its limitations. The title of this piece, "Masculine of Centre, Seeks Her Refined Femme," is a heading from the first dating profile posted using the term "masculine of centre." It speaks to both a historical legacy of butch-femme and a longing for a language different and new.”

END ID

#bellas butch/femme tag #ask #FAQ #sharing the knowledge series

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merulanoir · 2 years

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I continue being amazed just how much of an effect starting hrt had on my sexuality. I used to think I was attracted to guys and masc-presenting people, but sike! My crushes on guys were 90% my debilitating dysphoria going gotta be one of my favorite genders, that.

I've been on T for 1.5 years, and in that time I've done something of a 180; I get weak in the knees for femmes and feminine people. I have zero wish to be feminine myself, but....girls pretty......

This has been (and keeps being) an interesting journey. I very much identify as "just some guy" but I can't deny feeling a massive kinship with butches and he/him lesbians. I present fairly binary in my irl life just for safety reasons, but everything about how I experience attraction, gender, and sexuality is profoundly queer.

This also goes to show how sometimes you won't know everything about yourself before the blaring alarm of dysphoria is finally addressed and silenced. I just want to give a shout-out to everyone who thought they were flavor A, only to later change their mind. Having the headspace to figure this stuff out is priceless. Obviously most people probably know their sexuality before transition, but I just want to reiterate that it's okay if you don't. Seems like I didn't.

Before life settled down, these kinds of odd and even contradictory vibes would have made me anxious. I would have felt like I have to pick one and own it a 100%. Now I'm just...kind of content to sit with these ideas. Maybe one will grow bigger than the others. Maybe not. All this comes before I even touch the fact that I'm some flavor of aroace. :D

I've become more private in recent years but maybe sharing this insight will help someone. I'm 31, which isn't that old, but I know I would have needed examples of older (not old, lmao) folks transitioning. Especially with the recent resurgence of TERF bullshit and hate against trans guys and transmasc people, I feel it's important to show that the people behind online handles are both more complicated than you'd think AND that they're still. Just some guy.

Peace, and happy pride month. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

#trans #transmasc #queer #pride month

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pansy-byke · 9 months

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Who wants to see some neat stuff I found poking around the Bi Women Quarterly archives

"Bistory at the Lesbian Herstory Archives"

"I talked with Joan about the principles behind the LHA and her vision of its future. She said that the LHA is dedicated first and foremost to being a lesbian space.

When I asked her what she meant by "lesbian" she offered "any woman who has at some time in her life loved another woman" She also remarked that she would rather err on theside of inclusivity than be too exclusive, which explains the large collection of materials relevant to both lesbians and gay men(such as the Gay Community News), feminist materials, and a small but growing collection of materials on bisexuality. For Joan, the mission of the LHA is "to preserve the multiplicity of lesbian presentations." There is something of interest here for any woman who identifies herself as a dyke, a feminist, a mother, a butch or a femme, a prostitute, a worker in a traditional or a non-traditional occupation, a practitioner of S&M, a woman of color, a Jew, a witch, a teenager or an olderwoman, a closeted woman or an activist, a bisexual, an artist, and the list goes on. The sheer amount and variety of the stuff is testimony to the diversity of the lesbian experience and the vitality of lesbian communities"

A poem "Here I Am" by latina bi dyke Laura Perez

"we dream a world

which bridges the barriers,

i, this

bi-coastal, bisexual

dyke of color

have living proof

the distance is

not so great"

Here's the whole thing go check it out

I also found a bi femme and trans lesbian butch couple- and my freakin heart I wish them the most wonderful things wherever they ended up in life

"How I Learned to Love My Femme Self, Butch Dykes, and Transgender Warriors" by Liz Nania

"Laurie honored my bisexuality and I honored her proud trans butchness. We often felt like poster girls for Bi-Trans Unity. She stood up for me to her separatist-lesbian friends who were disapproving of her dating a bi woman; I stood up for her when I heard trans-phobic remarks- We both know bisexuals and transgendered people are truly natural allies and need to celebrate and further develop our bonds i the community"

And here's a lesbian identified bisexual talking about assumptions

"Dont Assume Anything" by Amy Wyeth.

"They say, "Don't Assume Anything" and "Question Au- thority." No one, including gays, bis and hetero- sexuals, should assume anything about someone's sexual preference based only on the way that person looks. Everyone should question the notions defined or perpetuated by those in positions of authority (e.g. the media, certain powerful icons/members of gay culture, and cer- tain dangerous bigots) as to what a lesbian or bisexual woman looks like. Not all of us feel we are well represented by such narrow definitions."

Just goes to show how timeless the bi witticism of Assume Nothing! really is. I highly recommend just perusing through the archives or even the current isues there's loads of interesting history

#just tossing stuff i did on twitter here so it doesn't get lost forever when it dies lol #bi history #queer history #lesbian history #bi women quarterly #butch femme #butch/femme #butch #femme #trans history #lesbian herstory archives #bi lesbian #bi dyke #bi femme

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jasontoddssuper · 7 months

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Pjo Toh au

Percy:Luz,including being afro-dominican,but instead of a gnc bi girl,she's a femme trans girl who uses being on the Isles to present as femake openly,and instead of a normal human,she's the daughter of a Poseidon Seaworth,the corrupted head of the Abomination Coven.She still invents all tracks because #RebelGirl but has Abomination as her main and her palisman is a blue shark named Riptide.Ends the series by realizing she never wanted to go to college and is much happier and fufilled by working a part time job at McDonalds and alternating between living in her two worlds

Persephone:Eda.She was cursed by a man(Hades)who pursued her fresh out of Hexside for rejecting him to turn into a butterfly beast and became known as 'The Butterfly Lady' as she took up a life of crime since she couldn't live normally anymore.All but outright adopts Percy over the course of the series and in the epilogue sequence,we see her and Sally have become a couple.Her palisman is called Belladonna and she was a part of the Plant Coven

Cerberus:King.Self-explanatory

Rachel:Willow.Oracle Coven,called 'Freaky Frizzy Rachel' by her bullies for her powerful and unexpected visions and becomes one of the most powerful witches ever thanks to Percy coming along and helping her with her self-eestem.Percy had a one-sided crush on her that everyone but her knew about and her palisman is a duck called Delphi

Grover:Gus and still a satyr.Held back student at Hexside due to needing special ed who becomes considered the coolest guy at school as his Percy induced character development sets in and gains a good reputation across the Isles too as word spreads of him.Bard Coven with a baby goat palisman called Enchilada(Percy introduced him to them and now it's an addiction)

Clarisse:Amity.Born to a misogynistic father and multiple brothers who all taught him to bully people,Percy and his clashes' made him have a redemption arc and they became found siblings.He's a transmasc he/him butch lesbian and Silena is his Skara equivalent(blackness included)and eventual femme girlfriend.His palisman is rottwieler called Bonesbreaker and he's a Construction main but joins Percy in all tracking

Nico:Hunter.He's a Grimwalker of Emperor Luke's favorite cousin,with the original having been named Nicholas Castellan,and was told his black eyes made him not a witch but a demon but started to love them and himself when Percy told him they reminded her of obsidian stones.Starts staying at The Butterfly House post-Hollow Mind and his new family and friends help him out with preparing for when he goes to Hexside and ofc his general healing journey.He's multitrack with Healing main and his palismans are named Fries and Nugget

Hazel:Darius and Vee.A child genius who was extremely adultified for it and an orphan who was found by the Golden Guard before Nico,who took care of her like his own child and died tragically,leaving her in Luke's 'care'.He treated her as an annoying adoptee until her talent started showing and then he thrusted her into working for him,specifically under Poseidon's teachings since she was especially good at Abominations.She escaped to the Human Realm and used Illusions to pretend to be Percy,who was understanding of her situation when she explained it and Hazel told her they were sisters now right just as Percy went back to the Demon Realm.Hazel hesitantly goes to visit her once and becomes friends with Nico too thanks to her timing,being the one to create the 'Mystical Misfits' group chat(Consisting of her,the Hexside Squad,Persephone and eventually Sally as an honorary member)

Leo:Mat.They're literally the same person and also now i ship him and Grover(Greo??Leover?????Eh we'll work on it).Also this is means Beckendorf is Steve and that's too funny and fitting for me to not include it.Opens up multitrack for his school and he's Construction with a dragon palisman called Festus

Thalia:Azura.Yes,the in-universe fictional character-Percy sees her as an inspiration so it feels fitting and the series is instead called 'The No Good Witch Thalia' and is dark kids media.Also,Thalia was accidentally trans-coded by the author which made Percy's egg crack💙💙💙💙💙💙

(I have no ideas for the Collector,sorry)

@cottoncandyteeth

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barbieslutshamesken · 3 months

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hi. i feel like enough time has passed and i have separated myself from the fandom enough to make this statement. anyways here’s my super duper controversial statement.

nick and charlie are poorly written characters and they’re relationship is entirely too codependent. as a queer person (assigned male at birth) who has been interested in guys, i hate how they’re relationship is depicted. i really just have a huge issue with women writing men-loving-men relationships, i never think they do it right. and YES i am aware that alice oseman is queer/gender-queer but she is a femme-presenting/woman-aligned person who is also aroace. she has never lived that experience and i do not think that her telling of that experience is accurate. i think it’s extremely cishet-washed and honestly i feel like it’s pandering to straight people and people who are newly out, if that makes any sense. i personally feel that they’re story lacks nuance. it embodies the worst aspects of ya fiction.

firstly, my main issue i have is with charlie and how he is depicted as a queer man. i find issue with the way he is depicted; timid, awkward, clumsy, and in need of saving. i HATE that fucking trope. i hate that everyone’s idea of a gay couple is of this femboy, who was probably abused or bullied, being saved/rescued/“really-loved” by a larger, more masculine, jock.

i have personally gone through many of charlie’s experiences. i was r@ped/sa’d as a young person, i have struggled with anorexia, and i have and still do struggle with self-harm/cvtting. i have also stayed in a mental health facility! sounds familiar, right? that’s because all of that shit also happened to charlie spring. but we don’t get to see any of his healing process. we don’t see him in therapy. we don’t see his time in the hospital. all we see is how it affects nick and how nick gives him the strength to recover. blah blah blah gag me with a spoon.

anyways, having said all of this. i have read the entire updated comics, and i have seen the show. i plan on reading the final installment of the comics and watching the remainder of the series. i do think queer people need and fucking deserve more representation and more media depicting our normal domestic lives. there are so many shitty straight shows that are just pure fluff and entertainment and queer people fucking deserve that.

i also am extremely interested to see if/how alice incorporates darcy‘s actor kizzy edgall’s transmasculinity into darcy’s character. i would have a totally new respect for her to ACTUALLY WRITE a complicated subplot that is nuanced and depicts how queer people’s labels change and how their understanding of their gender and queerness grow with them. how does tara react? does she amicably break up with darcy to respect their identity? or does she come to the conclusion that, “fuck it. i love darcy. who cares if we aren’t technically in a lesbian/sapphic relationship. i am still valid.” THAT WOULD FUCKING ROCK

anyways best character is elle. hehehehehe.

sincerely,

an openly queer, semi-closeted transfeminine person. *equips sunglasses*

#heartstopper #heartstopper slander #i hate heartstopper #nick nelson #charlie spring #alice oseman #i respect your opinions you are all valid i am glad you can enjoy a show #trans #transgender #transgirl #trans feminine #free palestine #emo girl

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olderthannetfic · 1 year

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Related to the difference in numbers between m/m and f/f. Recently I compared some kpop fandoms to others and found out there's a really big gap in bg and gg even though in non transformative spaces some of the gg are more popular than the bg.

I'm not trying to make any judgments but I'm interested in what makes bg fans more likely to write fic considering that female idols also have fun personalities and dynamics with other members that are shippable.

I don't really think it's related to fan's sexuality because a lot of bg fans (like me) identify as lesbian and there are also straight women in gg fandom.

Interesting question. I wonder how it varies by platform and space.

Wattpad has a metric fuckton of female self/Jungkook male idol. Boy groups are going to be more popular for that because self inserty het is more popular on Wattpad than self inserty f/f. The amount of fic that's idol/idol (or gen about idols interacting) seems a lot smaller. I do see some BTS/Blackpink ships along with the m/m for boy groups.

AO3 is slash central and was before kpop RPF got big there. I checked out BTS because there was a lot of m/m fic and then ended up liking their music. My second most listened to group is probably KARD, and I know next to nothing about them as people. I wouldn't say I have a particularly informed or broad knowledge of idol groups, which affects what fic I'll be into even if I like a lot of random songs I've run across on youtube. I think fic popularity can be self-feeding: people check out fictional canons because they have active fic fandoms too.

Last time I looked at AsianFanfics, I think I remember seeing male idol/OFC and male idol/female idol but not so much male idol/male idol. I've never been a regular there though.

The fact that it isn't about sexuality for everyone doesn't mean that sexuality doesn't have an influence on the big picture. I suspect the twin forces of more fic writers being attracted to men and more fic writers finding female bodies more contested are in play.

In my case, for me to care about shippy fanfic, I need to be attracted to the characters/celebrities. There's a massive disparity there for me.

Male idols are too scrawny for me to want to fuck in a lot of cases and have boring plastic surgery sameface, but some of them are pretty muscular, their clothing often covers up the full extent of their skinniness, and at least a few of them look different from each other. Their dances are also hot. Female idols go even more overboard on the plastic surgery sameface, are pre-selected to look even more similar, and have legs like twigs combined with tiny hotpants that show these off. Their dances just irritate me. It's what the industry forces on them, but it's a massive turn-off. KARD at least has kind of weird intermediate dances.

Yoon Mi-rae is smokin' hot. I like Hwasa. But a lot of women in SK entertainment are a hard no for me. I love Blackpink's music, but I'd never be attracted to them. Well... maybe when they're 50.

I have no idea what fic-writing Korean fans think, but for me as a Westerner, male idols are a pleasant change from male celebrities in the US. They're expected to dress up, look pretty, and wear makeup. They're normative in their own context but read differently for me, inaccurate as that is. Female idols are the same old ultra-femme looks on steroids. I certainly don't need more of that in my life.

Maybe if I gave a shit about Fanxy Red's music, I'd be in that fandom. They're the gg that presents like a bg. They're originally from China but relocated.

youtube

Hmm... Yeah, I could be into that.

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butchybats · 3 months

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hey i'm answering later but here I am! I agree that it would be super interesting to change everyone's gender in the chronicles. Except for reasons Gabrielle ajahaha.

I want lesbian Loumand with femme Louis (now Louisa/Louise) as much as i need Lesbian Devil's minion with butch Daniel (Dani?). (Louis(e) and Armand as women are just the two opposite stereotype of girls who graduated from catholics schools btw.)

I have also lots of headcanon/brainrot about Lesbian Armand's and gender presentation through the centuries and how this subject may overlap with Armand's canon story of changing identities and adapting to different environments etc

I agree with you that keeping Marius a man with girl!Armand is very eww. I mean I find their relationship disturbing and creepy (even if psychologically fascinating) even in canon when they are two men or in au when they are both women tho. But it also gets more interesting to explore if they are both men or women imho even if imho it doesn't get less predatory.

Sorry if my headcanon are kinda random and not as deep and well-build as yours ahahah

Oh I totally agree with you keeping Gabrielle the same!!! (Although transfemme gabrielle would be really cool I just don’t know if it would work the same story wise y’know?)

YOU ARE SO RIGHT FOR FEMME LOUIS!!!! I desperately need weird sad theatre des vampires era r63 loumand

I would love to hear your thoughts on lesbian Armand’s presentation because really there’s so much to work with there especially as you said how canon Armand is constantly adapting so I can see her changing stuff up depending on what’s going on at the time

Okay I’m not a fan of Marius/Armand (unless it’s in a meta way like I think it’s fun to analyze their weird ass relationship) THAT BEING SAID. Fem!marius. Umm i can get behind that :] I think it’s hot when women are fucked up and I’ve lost the plot HGHG but yeah lesbians in venice I would love to see how things change or stay the same with both Armand and Marius being women

And lastly never apologize for your stuff!!! Your hcs are lovely and I was excited to see them!!!

#ive never been upset over someone wanting to talk or share their ideas in good faith btw #like someone could send ‘butch daniel’ and id go sooo true!#hghg don’t be afraid to put yourself out there!!#r63 vc #bat notes #artemideaddams

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dykeomania · 6 months

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Mia please I need advice on how to build a roster or even start going on dates w other women in the first place like I swear I’m not a loser I just don’t know where to start. For context I’m a femme lesbian who likes butches/mascs ….any advice will be appreciated thank u kindly ……

okay i am so bad at answering asks but i'm gonna try to give you a rundown and tell you some stuff based off of my experience

so i'm like pretty feminine presenting i guess (i dress "comfortably," tomboyish, idk), would not say i lean strictly masculine in terms of how i present myself. i keep my options pretty open. uhhh, i'm american, so i use like. dating apps in america. i'm 20. waves my hands. yktv ok just some context.

dating apps are fun. get into dating apps. i like hinge because you can set your location to wherever you want and it's free and that been be super useful if you happen to live in a small town or any place that doesn't have a big lesbo community. pro is that you can set your location wherever you want (set it to mass or anywhere in the upper northeast, bitches are gay as fuck up here -- by like uvm, mount holyoke, downtown boston, or new york, pennsylvania too surprisingly). con is that you can set it to anywhere you want, and that might put you in a long-medium distance situation so be ready for that/mindful of that or just have a car.

i would say that hinge is also good because it learns your taste after a while. so if you only swipe on masculine presenting women, then it'll pick up on that after a while and begin to only show you women who are masculine presenting. pretty cool

going on dates, and flirting with women. im not gonna say too much here bc you said you're not a loser so i think you got it but generally speaking like, when it comes time and you've got a girl in your dms and let's say you're somewhat close, don't hold back. if you catch a vibe, you can be like heyyyy im gonna be in your cityyyy dadadada we should go for coffee. let's link, let's do something. or let them know, and be like we should do something, and let them make the plans. keep them held to that. and by this point like, definitely make sure that 1) you know this person is real obvi 2) you've exchanged #s /socials with them, or at least after you've agreed to go on a date -- this is a me thing, it makes things feel a little more set in stone for me personally. and do not just settle for casual hookups. some women will hit you up on some like, oh let's just link or makeout or come to my dorm, and if that's your jam, i would say go for it but i would also caution you. however, if you want more than that there are a hundred percent women who are more than willing to like, take you ice skating, take you on a picnic, go for a walk somewhere, etc. don't settle. be patient, but don't settle

and when it comes to dating generally speaking, define your boundaries. say what it is that you want, and honor that, and honor what the other person wants as well. things may change, but it's important to make sure that everyone is on a good playing field before you really delve into things past like, a first date. things can be casual still obviously after the second date, third date, what may have you, however, but again, good comunication is important so just make sure that y'all are on the same page even if it's just casual and you're feeling things out. like, are you exclusive? do you wanna be? if you're gonna kiss at the end of your dates, make sure you both know what that means, if anything at all? etc.

and i guess the last and perhaps the most unhelpful thing is like, just keep your options very broad in terms of where you're looking but i'd also encourage you to be careful. i met some girls on my roster through like, a social media app meant for college students that i downloaded bc of my school (yik yak, dead ass). people pop up from anywhere.

i hope this was helpful. i kinda wanna say more but im trying to find things to say and it is hard because i am so sleepy

#mia what are you talking about #mwah #lowkey?#mia's dating column

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maskspurpose · 7 months

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anon asked: https://x.com/maskspurpose/status/1711148987800023365?s=46 i need all your thoughts on where and how wataei fit on the butch-femme scale

okay see i dont really think either of them fit particularly well onto that scale and i would personally argue for the fact that like the scale itself is a somewhat flawed representation of like butch-femme dynamics as they exist?

butch/femme is a specific dynamic/subculture in itself basically and generally speaking butches & femmes aren't particularly big fans of the scale bc it misrepresents this dynamic as a sliding scale that everyone can fall on. i think the best and most concrete example i could use is the way it uses "stone butch" to imply that its just. the furthest on the butch side in terms of gender representation when its historical use is much more about sexual dynamics and specifically describes a butch who does not like to be touched in certain areas during sex. i know people also use it as a descriptor for gender presentation but i feel like not mentioning this would be like. an oversight.

where were we...

like it all depends on the person and im all for having fun with it sometimes but i also wanna like. ig preface the entire thing with like "applying the futch scale is fundamentally a bit of a joke" and thats in part why i made the joke about eichi unironically identifying as futch... hes 19 hes maybe not super well-read on the dynamics and mostly just applies them for fun and bc he doesnt feel like femme or butch suit him, he falls on futch.

i know that in the past i've specifically said keito cares a LOT about this stuff and is really mad at eichi about it but ig this wasnt about keito.

UMMM beyond this i haven't spent much time thinking about it for them. i like to call wataru butch and i think part of that is because the closest to like a fem counterpart to his general demeanor i can think of is kaoru seta from bandori. like a butch who has a drag queen alter ego. butch who presents like a flamboyant gay guy yknow? its about the gender nonconformity in either direction which is why i personally feel like making wataru into the popular perception of like a "femme lesbian" (aka a feminine woman) would fall flat and ignore a lot of the existing appeal of the character.

(saying "the popular perception of" because theres plenty of femmes who very consciously and purposefully present in a gnc way but still identify as femme. theres actually like a really interesting... split i guess in "community" perception about this, where depending on the femme it's either straightforwardly about gender presentation or much more specifically about care and love for butches (this doesn't have to be like "being the caretaker for the butch youre dating" and i think that interpretation is pretty reductive too like it's smth that has historical background) who have historically been at high risk of violence due to their gender nonconformity. but like again this goes rlly deeply into these dynamics in a way i don't really expect people to explain and/or understand on fandom twitter LMAO)

but like very genuinely you can do whatever the fuck you want. sorry for writing a whole essay about it jesus christ

[Smile or comment on the answer here]

#enstars #retrospring asks

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the-bjd-community-confess · 2 years

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Bro, I'm gonna be real with you. No one cares that you're a trans man, and that your initial comment was /allegedly/ about the cishet women specifically in your personal circle. Which you only specified after people called you out on your first confession where you basically complained about How dare cishet women have gay dolls, and present them in ways they want to. Your original comment, and the follow-up you did was just a wide sweeping gesture talking shit about gay and trans dolls/characters, then tacking on "owned by cishet women," in a way that several LGBTQA/Queer people found to sound homophobic and transphobic as fuck, and Misogynistic to boot. You made a shitty comment about femme, or androgynous male characters/dolls. You had a stupid rant about how "they can never know how we LGBT people feel" and even after being called out by exactly that, US OTHER LGBTA/QUEER folks, you still stick your heels in and get mad we called you out.

Then you say that "trans people using that trope don't bother you" as if other trans persons needs you to validate them? You tried to gatekeep creating a trans doll because it upsets you personally, not because you actually care about the feelings of other trans people. (Otherwise you would have taken the hint after several trans individuals in the comments made a statement refuting your stance) Additionally it's just a gross way to basically lowkey demand that trans people must publicly proclaim their trans status, because you use that as a way to "OK" someone having a trans character. And then you shift the goalpost crying out how you "I’ve yet to see any cis person diversify their lgbt dolls unless it’s a fantasy character, like nonbinary or trans women or having a butch/femme lesbian couple etc, it’s always guy dolls." Where you go back to not only shitting on cishet women, but now it includes Cis-LGBA/Queers, and trying to make it a diversity problem, even though your initial rant wasn't even about that at all. Nor do you even know that, considering how you don't seem to give two shits about other LGBTA/Queer people's thoughts and feelings. Your use of the word fetish is also super gross, and doesn't make you sound any better, you just sound like a virtue signalling asshole, by implying something has to be a FETISH because they have dolls that aren't exactly like them. You think you did something, but you're just an asshole, and when a large amount of LGBTA/Queer people called you out, instead of taking the L, you just try to make everyone else the villain for your shitty comments. Just because you then reveal yourself as a trans man doesn't make the initial comment any less homo or transphobic, or misogynistic to people who read it.

And before you start that stupid "It's just my opinion!" Yeah, and it fucking sucks, and tons of people have told you why. You ain't making it fucking better by keeping this going, especially since this all started by you trying to speak for several groups who just don't need you, a single individual, to speak for them, and then back-pedal claiming it was /only/ about your own experience, when in the original confession it's a clearly a general statement about your beef with cishet women having male dolls and what they do with them. Newsflash, even a LGBTQA/Queer person can make -phobic statements, and when a bunch of LGBTQA/Queer call you out on it, maybe take the hint that you did say something shitty.

~Anonymous

#BJD #ABJD #BJD Confessions #Community Confessions #BJD Characters

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moa-broke-me · 1 year

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PJO gender, sexuality, and gender presentation headcanons!

Percy, he/him: Cis, bisexual, typical masc presentation for the most part, but has had navy blue nails ever since he was bored in class one day and started scribbling on them with a blue ballpoint pen and decided he liked how it looked.

Annabeth, she/her: Also cis and bisexual, presents tomboy-femme, so like, long hair, but still prefers a suit over a dress.

Grover, he/they: Genderfluid but usually male, kinda wants to go more femme but is worried it'll look weird with his facial hair and also doesn't wanna get rid of that facial hair, pansexual (which is why they took up the pan flute in the first place, for a joke)

Jason, he/him: Cishet and hard masc ally (gay femboy in denial), he had to crossdress once for a quest and absolutely despised it, definitely didn't make him feel weird or question any certain aspects of himself, no siree bob, not this guy, nope. Not that there's anything wrong with that sort of thing, it's just not his cup of tea. And so what if he's enthusiastically, vocally supportive of other people's right to do that? It's an important social issue! So what if he gets weirdly excited when he sees his friends being androgynous and shit? He's just happy that they've found a safe space to express themselves! So what if he occasionally looks up drag shows on youtube and just watches them for hours on end, wondering what it would be like to doll himself up and get on stage, having a hundred men staring at him, captivated by him, bowing to his every whim? He just wants to learn about the community!

Piper, she/faer: Pansexual trans girl with a HEAVY lean towards girls, presents soft-butch.

Leo, he/him: Hard masc and gay trans man, hiding behind his comphet for calypso as a coping mechanism for dysphoria.

Frank, he/him: Transmasc, straight, and ace. Sort of a soft-masc, like, he's very secure in his masculinity, doesn't feel the need to put on a front.

Hazel, she/thon: Ace cishet girl, presents hyperfeminine mostly but when she found out what neopronouns were, she was fascinated by the concept and very excited to experiment with them.

Rachel, any/all (excluding it): Aromantic transfem nonbinary, presents femme because why the fuck not?

Clarisse, she/her: Queer as in fuck you. It's not your business how. (agender ursa lesbian but she's not gonna go around telling strangers that and having to have the whole 'how can you be a lesbian if you're not ~technically~ a woman' conversation, nevermind explaining what an ursa lesbian is)

Nico, he/it/xir: Gay (as is established) biblically-accurate-angel-gender, astral-gender, bone-gender, and gender-punk (but just says masc nonbinary most of the time). Androgynous to an extent, has no problem wearing makeup or even jewelry, in fact it's got quite a few piercings, but doesn't go so far as to wear dresses or skirts. Maybe heels and stockings and, ok, fine, a garter belt. When he first came out, he was kind of wrapped up in the idea of 'not being a stereotype', of being as aggressively cisnormative as possible so as not to 'give the community a bad name'. Even though he was out as gay, it didn't let itself explore the full depths of its identity for fear of 'making us look like freaks'. But after a while, and a few very deep and cathartic conversations with its friends, xe sort of realized that almost everyone at camp half-blood has been considered a freak at some point, and CHB is meant to be a safe haven for freaks like them. So he decided to lean into it more, do a little more digging, a little more exploration. Like Hazel, Nico only discovered neopronouns very recently, and again, like thon, xe wanted to try them out immediately, as well as collecting xenogenders like pokemon cards. Xir boyfriend is very supportive and happy for him.

Will, he/him: Gay demiboy, kinda masculine but not overly so. Just kind of casual and out-of-the-way, since it's not very practical to have a lot of bits and baubles on you when you're around a bunch of blood and guts. He doesn't really know how to dress himself anyway, constantly in khakis and mis-matching patterns.

Reyna, she/her: Omnisexual, demiromantic, cis girl. Generally femme presenting, but to an extreme degree.

Thalia, she/they: Aroace demigirl with queerplatonic attraction to women and women only, very androgynous. Like, right smack-dab in the middle.

If you want me to do any more, just request and I'll get to you soon!

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merulanoir · 1 year

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I posted 7,760 times in 2022

That's 1,916 more posts than 2021!

317 posts created (4%)

7,443 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@flowers-all-around-me

@sorrelchestnut

@vaspider

@geardrops

@cat-boy-tits

I tagged 2,862 of my posts in 2022

#dishonored - 297 posts

#blackbirb babbles - 201 posts

#our flag means death - 139 posts

#dnd - 117 posts

#judaism - 82 posts

#dragon age - 70 posts

#horizon forbidden west - 57 posts

#disco elysium - 56 posts

#death stranding - 47 posts

#the witcher - 46 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#id feel so much more welcome at a pride thats a riot and welcomes kinky people than at whatever sanitized toothless crap some folks promote

My Top Posts in 2022:

Fucking hate the feeling when you're bored and your brain hurts because it craves engagement but at the same time nothing feels appealing, no hobby or videogame or activity feels like worth the effort, so you just sit on the couch like

>:(

219 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

Some days the executive really dysfunctions huh.

351 notes - Posted March 24, 2022

I've been on T for 1.5 years, and in that time I've done something of a 180; I get weak in the knees for femmes and feminine people. I have zero wish to be feminine myself, but....girls pretty......

Peace, and happy pride month. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

523 notes - Posted June 14, 2022

I fucking love it here, I'm never leaving Tumblr.

525 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

My partner was mailing me a care package and she asked if I'd like "a Kim Kitsuragi print."

Obviously I said yes, thinking she meant, like, a printed picture.

WRONG

See the full post

6,889 notes - Posted October 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #blackbirb babbles #:D

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