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sometimesoliloquy · 2 years

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The Handmaid’s Tale 5x05 “Fairytale”��

So we have 2 major storylines: June and Luke's ill-advised bowling date, and the miseducation of Ms. Serena as a late in life handmaid-in-waiting. Shout out to the brief but delightful subplot that involved Moira and Lily getting drunk and shit talking, I would totally ship them. I apologize in advance for the snark this quickly devolved into, there may have been wine involved.

We begin with Serena descending down a long staircase, to greet the martha housekeeper at the bottom (wonder where we've seen this before?). I will say, although the Serena/June handmaid parallels this episode are heavy handed—from the stairs and the green juice healthy breakfast to the flashbacks to the very layout of Serena’s room(!)—I actually didn’t really mind because every scene and detail screaming at us that the handmaid's chunky brown boot shoe is now on the other foot was just kind of karmically delicious. Of course Serena still thinks she has power here (at least at first), as she is wont to delusionally believe, demanding requesting to speak with the Commander Mr. Wheeler. Silly Serena, don't you know the menfolk are very very busy with man business? They don't have time for your foolish female prattle! She's able to briefly forget this rejection and her probable indigestion from that smoothie, as Mrs.Wheeler presents her prized pig guest to her gaggle of wanna be Gilead wife friends, who fawn over Serena and her big belly, to her great satisfaction. It's like a good old fashioned Gilead fake labor show but better! (or is it.... guess we'll have to wait and see)

We flash back in time to see Serena and Naomi sauntering their new teal heels through the sterile hallways of an animal children's shelter: they browse the strays through the observation windows but can't quite imagine adopting a mutt into their home, you never know if they're properly house-trained and anyway, they were thinking more of a purebred (they know a breeder). So wonderful we saved these poor children from their ungodly parents to be put in fitting homes!...oh dear, not my home though. Imagine. Serena asks Naomi if she's been approached about a handmaid yet like she's inquiring if she's been asked to prom. Naomi isn't going to prom does not want a whoreful adult stray handmaid in her house any more than she wants one of these illbread brats poor children. She has white couches, for godsake! This scene cemented my suspicion that Naomi 100% never wanted children to begin with. Honestly I felt like this scene was also kind of a irl commentary on the sad fact of so many foster children in need of love and family, especially older kids, too often viewed as "undesireable" or "damaged" Of course there’s the small matter of Gilead causing huge damage to these kids by stealing them, literally traumatically ripping them from the arms of loving parents and families in many cases (which sadly does also sometimes mirror real life). Have to also call out the easter egg throw out line about Chicago rebel forces "they’ll be put down soon”... bitch, we know they’re still fighting like 6-7 years later, so.

Later we see Serena sitting down at Aunt Lydia's trafficking fertility office to pick out a handmaid from their Gilead mugshots. She doesn't look so excited about the prospect anymore at this point (methinks things might be getting strained with Fred at this point, I guess the Gilead honeymoon is over). Anyone else pause their tv to go look super close/upside down at the Handmaid’s files to see if June was in the bunch (or anyone else we know) and also to try and get a glimpse of the first unfortunate “Offred”? Just me? I actually thought the first file she picked up (who also caught Mr. Waterford's eye) looked like June upside down but upon seriously straining my neck was able to determine it was not (then I remembered I could just screenshot and rotate). Maybe Fred really did have a type, though. Ann Dowd’s physical/face acting as Lydia watches over Serena’s shoulder really cracked me up here.

(guess that’s poor nameless Offred the first on the right)

It's time for Serena's business call and Mrs. Wheeler leaves her alone because she couldn't possibly wrap her little woman brain around all that business talk (I kind of love how she manages to fawn over Serena while at the same time throwing shade, it's masterful--or deranged--or both). Joseph gets his first one-liner of the episode in “….You think the Gilead information center... focusing on Gilead... is a mistake?” and of course it's hilarious but fuuuck, he and I may both hate to admit that she’s right, fertility is definitely the best spin Gilead could go with in this fucked up limited supply baby crazy world. Unfortunately for her, it’s once again slipped Serena's mind that Gilead hates women, and she gets a swift buh-bye from creepypants Putnam, who by the way keeps getting creepier by the day. Are they purposely putting pasty corpse-like makeup on that poor actor? Random aside, I wonder if the actor is also like a really nice guy who volunteers and saves puppies or something, like how the cast always would say that Joseph Fiennes is just the loveliest person. Anyway, here we get the first mention of Joe’s pet project New Bethlehem, which Warren promptly shits on. Despite JLaw remaining pretty steadily neutral evil so far this season, I actually felt something from him when he said “or all of this…will have been for nothing”. His motivations lately have felt a bit ambiguous to me, but I did here feel that maybe he really does desperately need it all to mean something: otherwise it means he will have lost Elinor for nothing.

We end Serena' episode arc with the long awaited welcome from Mr. Wheeler, as she prays dutifully at her bedside for everyone to realize how special and smart and superior she is. Even her room here is uncannily reminiscent to me of June’s room at the Waterfords, down to the placement of furniture, window/window seat and door in the same spot (but like a super lux version). I looked away for like a second at the beginning of this next part and when I looked back did a double take because for a split second when he was silhouetted in the doorway I thought wut, NICK?? (I MEAN)

until I remembered we are being cruelly deprived of our boy for two long episodes. Can't even say for sure it's because they have a similar build in the dark from behind or if I was just that desperate to see him. Anyway. Then I did another double take because I know this actor from this random 1 season show where he plays a character working at a renaissance faire, and that is not relevant at all here except that I don't know how I'm supposed to take him seriously as a villain now when I know him for shirtless slap fighting in mud and going by the moniker "Sir Pizzle Humpsalot" (it's kind of like when I realized Val from "Working Moms" was one of the very serious Swiss "go-between" people who fuck over refuse to work with Nick and June in s2). So Mr. Pizzler Whizzler gives a nice little condescending speech during which she--and we--get it drilled once again into our/her heads that Serena will not be continuing with her absurd working woman ambitions, because what is important now is her womb and its contents and that these contents are kept safe so that they can be taken from her. Yeah, WE GET IT, but does she? FINALLY? Serena still seems to have a fundamental issue with the thought that to other Gileadeans (and wannabe Gileadeans), she might not be more special than the countless other women she was totally fine with considering nothing more than a vessel for babies for her to steal. This does not compute. She weirdly doesn't seem to like being treated like a pet/property/child, herself, though (bet Mark and his ill-advised puppy crush are looking pretty good to her now). We leave her here, fulfilled of her daily dose of prenatal vitamins, yet still feeling strangely unsettled... to be continued...

(I mean, upgrade, but still) ---

Over on the still Canada side of Canada (for now, anyway), June is woken up from a Hannah fever dream to a call from Mayday Lily (yay, I love her!). June, Moira and Luke pile into the car for a field trip and flip off some nice Canadian protesters politely (at least one sign said please) telling them to GTFO. They oblige for the day and fuck off to the border, only to get the bad news that Mayday's Gilead contact is stuck on the other side and they're SOL. "Not so!" proclaims Luke, the sudden knight in shining armor. "We shall cross the forest of dangers and rescue the princess from the grasps of the evil queen!" Because he can't wait around for Hannah to appear on tv again with Serena... who is in Canada... ok. I mean it's only been 5-7 years since your daughter was stolen and yeah in all that time the bureaucratic paperwork approach hasn't worked too well (also though, Moira, exactly HOW long did you know about the border camp for?) but sure, right now seems like a great time to suddenly go tromping half-assed into Gilead patrolled woods with no gun, no weapons. Honestly I am really confused by how determined this guy seems to be to repeat history by going into another situation completely unprepared to defend himself and his family, with little else than his bravado and ill-advised optimism. June, however, looks proud and moved by this bravery recklessness and I don't know what I expected because I really do not think Luke brings out the best/smartest in her and she literally got turned on last episode by his pretend murder bluff. I sort of hoped that if anything Moira's common sense alarm would have gone off here a bit more forcefully, but unfortunately she was too busy force feeding us cheesy lines waxing poetic on Luke and June's marriage because they apparently have to try and convince the audience what they are not showing us by telling us.

Moira fucks off to drink with Lily (they got the better end of the deal) and off go June and Luke into the danger woods, holding hands (because I guess this is date night or something). We get an ominous overhead shot of telephone wires far above, giving the sense that nefarious forces are listening/watching, and then it is night in the creepy woods. June starts having trauma flashbacks but insists she's ok, because she still doesn't really think Luke can handle it doesn't want to slow them down. They come upon a corpse hanging from a tree with a "rapist" sign hung from the body. Luke is super disturbed (as would be the normal reaction), June is like same old, same old (her normal is a little different these days) but tells him it wasn't done by Gilead because they "don't use words" (that's only Fred when he's creepy scrabble foreplaying). I wondered if maybe June's murderwoods shenanigans with Fred had spread word and inspired some like minded action in NML?? But am now inclined to think it may have something to do with the people at the end of the episode (not to get ahead). Then it's day again and they finally reach the geocache, but before they can unearth the treasure they are accosted by a young guardian with a gun who I think would actually really love Prince had he been given any chance to know who that was, and it makes me sad that I'm certain he doesn't get the reference. I am going to call this character Guardian Timothee Chalamet from hereon despite later learning his name, Jaeden (they said NO NAMES, Luke) because that's literally all I could think of as soon as we met him. Luke is flustered but June, well accustomed to teenage boys in black training guns on her, doesn’t blink. “Beret”, motherfucker.

Timmy Chalamet is a little brusque and a bit suspicious at first, but he to warms up quickly once they get to his favorite playfort hideout for shirking patrol duties in (don't blame him, it looks cold and boring out there): an abandoned bowling alley that somehow still has power (guess they found a loophole with the electric company), although they still have to reset the pins manually? Timmy gives them some very basic info on the wives schools (like basically the same info June got from Nick with the added episode-themed commentary reassurance that the "Plums" are treated like princesses, at least for the short time they're there before being married off to potentially old abusive pedos anyway (side note: I kind of love that they have slang like the "plums" and it made me wonder what other Gilead slang has developed amongst certain demographics). But never fear! There is a mysterious thumb drive that holds all the answers (ok I am also kind of side-eyeing looking at you on this one, though, Margaret Atwood--#TT #IYKYK). Why do I have a feeling the thumb drive is not going to make it... Anyway, Timmy C tells them they should stay and hang out because it's too dangerous to go back during the day (even though they were just out there in the daytime, honestly, I think the kid is just lonely but can't really blame him). Luckily his youthful charm is so infectious that Luke immediately forgets that he thinks anyone coming from Gilead is automatically an evil monster (replay start of 2x08 bar scene) and becomes bff’s with him, and anyway he's really excited to bowl because he just really loves bowling. I guess they don’t have bowling alleys in Canada anymore?. Ensue very unwise loud competition and man hollering from this bro fest, which makes June understandably disconcerted, as they are hiding out in enemy patrolled territory, theoretically trying not to get killed.

Luke is like June just needs to chill, how about some music and plays some truly absurd old timey songs on the piano that just happens to be there, before doing what he's been dying to do and busting out his falsetto "Let's Stay Together". A variety of emotions cross June's face, ranging from uncomfortable, affectionately amused, contemplative, conflicted, nostalgic, guilty, sad. She sort of looks like she wishes she could jump in with him and surrender to the sentiment whole heartedly, but her heart is not there and she knows it. She can’t quite bring herself to look him in the eyes, looking down when he tries to catch them. Noticing this, he clowns more for laughs and coaxes her to dance with him, and she finally gives in to the (deceptively) carefree feel of the moment, while sweet bb guardian Timothee finds extra mood lighting (cutest third wheel ever). Also, honorable mention to "Did you write that song?"..."yeah I did"... "wow, that's really good" (oh, the innocence!). I left out the part where they ask him about his life in Gilead and he tells them life "before" is "foggy, like a dream", because this was one heavy handed parallel too many on the Hannah front (and yes, I get it, the episode is called Fairytale). Am curious where they guy got beers from though (black market?) and how he smuggled a cooler full into his hideout without anyone noticing.

(which one of these is supposed to be “I’m so in love with this guy singing to me”?)

Then the game's over and they’re taking the scarywoods night shortcut (in hindsight maybe not the best idea but maybe the GROWNUPS here could have sussed that one out). Of course our sweet pure Guardian friend steps on a landmine (we knew from the beginning he was going to be a red shirt, didn't we?), looks terrified but bravely tells them to get back and it's probably fine before he moves a hair and gets blown to smithereens. Just kidding, he just got his leg blown off. He's starting to bleed out and June quickly and calmly goes to work with applying a belt tourniquet (apparently another skill she picked up as a rebel handmaid resistance fighter, or from Youtube) while Luke looks on in horrified shock, a second away from puking (I mean no shade, I'm sure I would, too). Jaeden Timothee Chalament’s guardian friends are calling to him and he White Fang's June and Luke to GTFO so they don't get caught, Luke hesitates and June pulls him up to desperately dash for the border. As she flees, she flashes back--to her and Hannah running in the woods, her running to lead the guardian away in the woods to save Angel's Flight--and this really got me, I found it one of the most (probably the most) genuinely compelling moments of the episode. We end with them surrounded and being dragged away in different directions (foreshadowing perhaps?? who knows). So let us review: every time June gives in to these carefree moments Luke initiates (largely in attempts to win her back as his wife), every time she overlooks her better judgement to concede to his (often ill-founded) optimism, something bad happens. This was the case when Gilead first rose to power and they didn't get out fast enough, and it's still happening now. She lets her guard down, the "old June" starts to seep in, and then BLAMMO, GILEAD IN YOUR FACE, again. Can we just learn the lesson already, June? Honestly, she's already broken the promise she made to Nick like two episodes ago, to keep herself and Nicole safe, because she followed Luke on this half-assed idea to wander into Gilead-patrolled no-man's-land with no gun, no protection and no real plan aside from "find some dude and quote him Prince", so he could "prove himself" or something. To be honest, I actually respected Luke a lot more for doing his thing, that he knows and does well. Fighting with building codes and fundraising and research file folders and making connections with American bureaucrats. It's certainly not the most effective or quickest way to fight Gilead, but at least it’s something and most wars require multiple levels and strategies of offense and defense. That's his wheelhouse, it's who he is, and he can still be that and also support June in her own way of fighting. And if he really is moved to try her way himself (genuinely, not as some desperate ego driven attempt to not lose her), he needs to get some knowledge because at present he is just not well equipped and is more of a liability than an asset. June may be impulsive and sometimes downright reckless but she at least knows the enemy, she knows the game they're playing and how deadly it is. Luke is trying to play checkers in a game of wizard's chess. His pushing of this mission, in all his inexperience and naïveté , combined with June's natural impulsiveness, her desperation over Hannah AND her eagerness to embrace this new side of Luke that is finally embracing the active fighting side in her, gets them into trouble. And the "fairytale" comes crashing down around them.

#the handmaid's tale #June Osborne #osblaine #tht #the handmaids tale season 5

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larsisfrommars · 2 years

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El Hotel De Los Secretos Ep.4 Reaction

@seismologically-silly this is for you amige

Isabel just found out Julio has been going under a false last name!! SLAP! Time for yelling and a lord dump from Julio lol, amazing how she immediately chills out once the air is clear. I guess shaking your sister’s bloodstained uniform in someone else’s face would make anybody go “Oh”.

That girl Felipe was sleeping with last episode is d e a d. Ximena I think her name is, Detective Ayala is on the case!

Diego & Lady Teresa are trying to figure out who the hell has a camera that could’ve taken a picture of Christina before whatever happened to her. Whoever that is miiiiight be responsible for the blackmail Diego has been receiving.

Oooooh I think the desk clerk overheard that shit about the camera (he’s also probably sus because Isabela asked about a camera before when she started getting suspicious of the situation).

There’s mold on the uniform (which means the red might be from that and not necessarily blood??) hmmmm

Funky pianist man with a fantastic mustache and MANY little yappy dogs

It’s so funny how Carlos Rivera is so like, tall and broad chested, yet tries to be as small as possible whenever he’s around his boss or his mom, funny and adorable lol

Lady Teresa Alacrón is about to find out about the Belén situation, omg Gomez is TELLING her that Andrés is the father and Teresa is… unimpressed? Idk man, I don’t trust a word this woman says to anybody.

Okay Felipe and Julio are talking, seems like Felipe knows something Julio doesn’t buy I’m having a hard time piecing together the details (my Spanish is limited). He’s very jaded and might just be pulling Julio along.

O shit okay Teresa is going to talk to Belén aaaaaaaaaaa. She seems to be condescending to Belén about the consequences of her actions. Sounds like she might know something about about her and Diego but isn’t saying it out loud. Yayyyyyy thinly veiled threats!

Aaaaa yes, leave poor Andrés with the I’ll behaved little dogs while the two blondies go do plot shit! Okay there’s something important (evidence?) in the water and Julio is ripped?!

Isabel knows what it is and that whoever had it last was involved with what happened to Christina. Oh fuck and right on cue Diego shows up!

So Andrés stumbles into Belén and she immediately kisses him okayyyy.

Isabel is watching her mother and Diego like a HAWK, remembering everything Julio said, she’s starting to get reaaaaal sus of her fiancé methinks!

I think somebody(s) watching Andrés and Belén because Andrés is loudly reacting like only just now found out that Belén is pregnant. Now quieter she’s asking him why he lied to his mom for her, and he’s just like “I didn’t want you to lose your job”. Aww!

This could be cute or this could be a disaster for both parties. That’s a massive responsibility Andrés took on on a whim. Belén is also going really fast with the romantic aspect, I don’t entirely trust this or her considering she was playing around with Diego and we KNOW Diego is shady as hell. There WERE people watching! I’ll chalk it up to that for now…

Oh hey the desk clerk who overheard the camera conversation is back… and just planted a letter into the pile of mail Diego has on his desk, okay. OH! Desk clerk knows what happened to Christina and wants a bribe!! Oh shit!!

Alright! Andrés is dropping the “Belén and I are getting married, I’m gonna be dad!” thing on Julio is surprised (provably because he’s never seen them together before lol) but ISNT telling him he’s not the kid’s father. I wonder what’ll happen if/when Julio finds out ohhhhhh man!

Aaaaand now Isabel knows about the bribe and that Diego had something to do with Cristina, just got caught by the desk clerk too! aaaaaaaaaaa

Oh it WASNT the desk clerk who asked for the bribe! It was this dude in the bowler hat ok ok ok ok!

Julio really went “you know how we can get more money for your wedding?! I’m gonna go punch some people at thr bar and you can bet on me!” real classy Julio, never change 😂

Now HOLD UP. Maybe it wasn’t bowler hat guy and he was just the middleman?! Where did Felipe get all that money from??? Oh he’s using all of it to bet on Julio. We’ll see the winner in the next episode I guess!

Oop. I think the desk clerk just ratted on Isabel snooping in Diego’s room 👀

#ehdls liveblog #ehdls #el hotel de los secretos #the hotel of secrets #Isabel alacrón #julio olmedo #andrés salinas #lady Teresa alacrón #Felipe alacrón #belén Garcia #ángela gómez #period drama #telenovela #baby’s first telenovela #Lars watches ehdls

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ratgingi · 11 months

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smth smth oc rambles

murr is almost constantly swaying a little bit, think like a cartoon character does when theyre in love or smth. its not super noticable unless youre like actively watching him

outis plays with his necklace a lot, especially while he talks. also speaking of the necklace it was a present from his dad, the very first time he ever went to the beach with his parents he was way too scared of going anywhere near the water, and his dad got him the shell while diving and had ot turned into a necklace for him

also outis has had to be hospitalized twice because of his allergy, once when he was 5 (it was the first time they found out it was a problem) and once when he was 10 (went out to eat with family and everyone forgot to double check that the food was safe). his dad makes a joke every time he his a 5th year that its 'time for another scare'. outis does not think this joke is very funny but yk how parents are

xander (who i havent . talked abt hardly at all despite them being the most notable nonedatable from vinnies route oops) is 20 and genderfluid (any pronouns with no preference) and is probably gonna be the person who sets you up with vinnie methinks. he likes vintage and old time-y devices and has a weird fascination with medieval weaponry/torture . shes relatively normal xe just thinks its really cool

addy used to give free food to randy when he was living in the dumpster. juniper used to threaten to beat him up so he would give her that food while she was on the streets. addy caught her during one of these harassment moments and with margo's assistance helped her get her current job to get her back on her feet

oopsie does not like roe or murr and treats them both similarly to how she treats gingi. when asked she just says they creep her out and have bad vibes and make her feel like shes in danger so she avoids them (however if she had to pick between those two or gingi she would go to them for protection)

kara still has her old trophy head, she got it changed shortly before coming to town and keeps the trophy in her room in oakey's place. not as an ego boost so much as a humbling kind of thing, she looks at it whenever she feels homesick to remind herself why she left in the first place. the blue ribbon she wears was the first blue ribbon she ever won, and she won it for a singing performance. THAT one she uses as motivation

jackson had an older model smartphone as a head when he was little, when he was a teenager (like 16/17 or so) his parents paid to replace it with a newer one since his old friend group's parents were all doing it and they didnt want him to stick out. one of said friends got the rainbow headcase for him as a joke but hes just never stopped wearing it

when talking to charlie the first time he mentions that lillith is mute and offers to give the player a little sorta book with basic conversational asl instructions so they might understand lillith better. the player would be able to refuse this either saying they already know it or saying they just dont need it and if you say its because you know it already some of the things lillith 'says' wont make sense to represent misunderstanding their gestures, if the player says they just dont need it lillith's text just flat out wouldnt show and youd have to go back to charlie to get the book

both charlie and lilliths heads are damaged (his screen is shattered, their clipboard head has a piece broken off of the corner), neither will disclose how either of the damages happened

in outis' route youd be able to meet up with stop in the laundremat and the two of you would work together to help him for a bit. i havent decided if you meet it normally or if you meet them post them getting hit by a car (a very common occurance for her dont worry)

similar to murr roe is not super picky about pronounce or gender things bc when youre around for long enough you sort of decide being picky about gender is not worth it. smth smth "im nonbinary now this shit is getting ridiculous" type beat

#trying to remind my brain that i care these guys #dialogue #jack dlc #dlc wiki

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bloody-shadow666 · 1 year

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Time for Coryn's misadventures in the (Violet)Pokemon world! Saga of Day 1 under the cut. Note: this si my first pokemon game so if I seem confused I am

I chose Sprigatito as my starter. Did not get an initial screenshot because I temporarily forgot I could do that. I have not touched my switch since Maiden Of Black Water dropped. I'm uh.. Not sure how to feel about the neighbor girl. She is very excitable and definitely less annoying than the neighbor boy from sword/shield but also a little creepy? Like we've known eachother for five minutes and she is Obsessed with me.

This was not significant I just thought the lil spider creepin in the back was funny

I don't remember the names of my first pokemon I got off the top of my head. I know I got Lechonk, Hoppip, Psyduck, and that cute otter with the floatie, and the spider...

girl help I'm surrounded by meeces

The scatterbug I forgot about evolved! Very exciting. I think. I dunno. He kinda sucks lmaooo but at least he's a cute lil guy.

Made it to the big city! It was very cool, although I do have mixed feelings about each individual type of clothing being in a completely seperate area. I understand the desire to make the city feel big and lively by having lots of stores, but needing to go across the whole damn place to find gloves to match my new hat? Not great. Also the frames... gibe me back my frames...

okay yandere lookin ass

look lady you just barged into my house unanounced and uninvited you will give me five fucking minutes to prepare for my day. I think we should all pool together our battling money and get her some stim toys or something cuz she has way too much nervous energy

This is how I started out my treasure hunt! Uh. Not fucking great? Creepy mfer. I tried talking to him and he was all "ohhh I can sense you don't trust meeee" maybe people would trust you if you weren't ominous as hell.

After watching three people fight for my affection attention for twenty minutes I decided to go hang out with sandwich man, because making the Greatest Sandwich is a noble goal methinks. Also my pet motorcycle really loves a good sammich and I think it'd make him happy. Anyway I saw this thing trundling around and I'm obsessed. He's just a little cube!!! I caught him. I named him Cube. He is going to help me beat up the Titans. Cube is small, but Mighty.

Honorable mentions of events:

-jumped off a cliff on moraidon(?) and fell directly on top of a smolive. How did that olive survive that impact I don't think a motorcycle is light.

-found a baby chansy and accidentally killed it >:[

-got to watch a squirrel clip into the void

-local girl cannot read maps, gets lost. More at 11

After that I got sleepy and called it a night. Will continue the thrilling saga tomorrow!

#pokemon violet #pokemon violet spoilers #pokemon scarlet and violet spoilers #gaming #kage plays

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retroaria · 3 years

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can you do headcanon number 10 with karl <3 love your writing btw!

Karl Jacobs: Fluff Alphabet ✿

cc!karl jacobs x reader

pronouns: gender neutral

warnings: just swearing

here’s my 500 Follower Event ^o^

a/n: even if they aren’t requested in the event i’ll still be making fluff hc’s for all the cc’s i write so stay tuned !!

A is for Affection (How do they like to show affection?)

other than physical touch (saving that for love language) karl’s favorite way to show affection is making you a huge part of his life. all of his friends and loved ones know just how important you are to him even without him saying anything. especially with blowing up and all the busy stuff he does as a creator, he wants you to be there with him every step of the way, never leaving you in the dark about anything. he’s always asking you for advice or ur opinion on certain projects, and if ur willing to help too that just makes him so happy. because at the end of the day, he wouldn’t be able to do it without you :)

B is for Bond (What kind of bond do you guys have? What could your relationship be labeled as?)

you guys are definitely the wholesome couple. there’s so much love and communication between you two that doesn’t go unnoticed by the people around you. on top of that, you guys share an adoration for each other that is just so freaking cute man

C is for Comfort (How do they comfort their s/o?)

in the beginning of your relationship, karl would kinda just try to cheer you up or make you laugh, but as things get more serious he’s very avid on getting you to talk about your issues so he can find the best way to be there for you.

D is for Dates (What are dates with them like?)

dates with karl are so fun !! he definitely likes just doing random stuff like shopping, going on long drives, or trying new places to eat and calling them dates. at the same time you guys also do bigger things like fancy restaurants (hes so rich oh dear god), amusement parks, long day trips, stuff like that.

E is for Emotions (How do they express their emotions around you?)

karl doesn’t strike me as a ‘heart on his sleeve’ kinda guy but around you, he’s definitely not closed off at all. aside from just talking to you and verbally being open, he also isn’t afraid to let you see him get upset or even cry about something. i see him as the type to value transparency in a relationship.

F is for Fiancé (How long into the relationship before they propose?)

karl definitely loves you, no doubt about it. but i feel like you guys really do enjoy just being together in the moment and not worrying about that stuff until much later down the line. you could be dating for a really long time and there’s still gonna be so much you can learn about each other. i’ll give karl an official number of 5 years. but maybe even longer. it’s a big decision guys remember!! especially because he does want you in his life forever, he wants to make sure the bond is truly like no other.

G is for Gentle (Are they gentle?)

depends. you guys have lots of playful banter and bullying but at the end of day he can be a big softy when it comes to you. so yes id say he’s pretty gentle 👍

H is for Hand Holding (How do they like hand holding?)

loves it. obviously. it’s karl jacobs. have you seen the guy?

I is for I Love You (Who said “I love you” first?)

him. it was really early on into the relationship and he kinda regretted saying it so quickly. there was just so much emotion going on for him at the time and he just blurted it out. after a little while longer tho, he gave a proper confession of his love.

J is Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

everyone always says no for karl but YES. he does get jealous. not like angry jealous more like weirded out and uncomfy jealous. you can usually tell when he’s feeling that way.

K is for Kiss (What’s kissing them like?)

writing about kissing kinda makes me cringe but i had to think of something for k. it happens a lot probably. very sweet and loving. not just on the lips but karl will give you random kisses anywhere whenever he feels like it.

L is for Love Language (What’s their love language?)

PHYSICAL TOUCH AHHHH. constant hand holding, hugs, and cuddles. he loves being close to people he loves and it’s very obvious (i’m a karlnap shipper and analyzer sorry just had to confess)

M is for Memories (Their favourite memory with their s/o?)

karl’s favorite memories with you are usually on his days off when he just gets to spend an entire day being with you and only you. on top of that he also is very fond of the first time he ever met you and was like “ooo ahh wow you should like spend the rest of ur life with me or whatever Idk just something to think about ” lol.

N is for Nicknames (Their favourite nicknames given and received?)

nothing too soppy because i think karl would find it cringe but “babe” and “cutie” are the most frequent.

O is for Open (At what point do they start opening up to you about their life and feelings?)

after the first argument you guys have methinks. i feel like being caught in the honeymoon phase would kinda put the opening up process on hold, but once there’s a need for it it becomes a frequent thing.

P is for PDA (Are they into PDA?)

uhh not really. i know i said differently in my karl dating hc’s but i think he would find it a little cringe. hand holding is a definite because that’s simple ya know and hugging and small kisses and stuff but nothing more. he’s touchy as we all know but that’s just for you guys lol

Q is for Quiz (How much do they remember about you?)

karl loves loves LOVES knowing things about you. finding out stuff you guys have in common makes him so happy even just similarities in the ways you were raised and your childhoods and such. he’s a good listener and is always attentive. even if he wasn’t good at remembering stuff he would make the conscious effort to do so.

R is for Romantic (How romantic are they?)

he’s such a little goofball gremlin that the thought of him seriously being romantic just doesn’t feel right but. he is. he loves doing stuff for you and just telling you how much he loves you and getting emotional about it. taking you out and making you feel like the luckiest person alive :)

S is for Security (How protective/possessive are they?)

he honestly doesn’t strike me as the protective type. possessive i would say maybe a little bit. he’s just so happy to have you and so like proud of himself for getting an epic s/o lol. he would never intrude on a friendship of yours or anything but if he was uncomfortable in anyway he would let you know before acting out.

T is for Try (How much effort do they put into the relationship?)

he puts everything he can into it. with him being so busy all the time things might get rocky but he makes such an effort to spend as much time with you as he can. being there for you is something that’s really important for him as well. any disagreements you guys have is resolved asap because he definitely doesn’t like leaving things on a bad note.

U is for Uphold (How do they show you they’re proud? What kind of support do they give you?)

he talks about you lots. anything that you make him or buy him is showed off on stream and any accomplishments you’ve made he would publicly congratulate you on. just showing to the world how great he thinks you are and how proud of you he is makes you feel so supported and he always wants you to feel that way.

V is for Vaunt (Do they like to show off?)

yes obviously ur the coolest most epic person and HE gets to be with you??? biggest flex ever if you ask me.

W is for Wild Card (A random fluff headcanon.)

karl likes doing stuff at the same time as you?? i hope that makes sense. like washing the dishes together or working on stuff. he also likes watching anime or movies/tv shows at the same time as you too. if a new episode of something just came out and he has the time to watch it but you don’t, he’ll wait for you so you can do it together. couple goals lol.

X is for X-ray (How well can they read you and your emotions/feelings?)

karl cares a lot about how the people around him are feeling and i think he’s pretty good at recognizing that. he’s extremely attentive to you and always makes sure ur comfortable.

Y is for Yearning (How much do they miss their s/o when they’re gone?)

between mr beast and all the work that he does it usually hits him when he finally gets home to relax and ur not there :( he does get really upset and a little needy about it but he tries his best to just focus on the stuff he needs to get done so he doesn’t miss you too much.

Z is for Zebra (What kind of pet would they want with their s/o?)

a brown cat named Cornelius 😎

@themanifoldenjoyer @fantasy-innit @k-l-a-w-s @joyfullymulti

#mcyt headcanons #mcyt preferences #mcyt x reader #mcyt fanfiction #karl jacobs x y/n #karl jacobs x you #karl jacobs fanfic #karl jacobs preferences #karl jacobs headcanons #karl jacobs x reader #arias 1st event !!

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maniacwatchestheworld · 3 years

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So the other day I was talking with a bud about the thematic and character implications behind each of the Lords' outfits and the colors each of them wear. Dimitrescu wears white with a few black accents, Moreau wears black with a few white accents, Beneviento (between both Donna and Angie) wear black and white, and Heisenberg...? Sure, he has a bit of white and a bit of black as part of his outfit, but those aren't really the main colors of his ensemble. The green of his jacket, and the brown of his pants are what really stand out colorwise with him. So black and white are just accent colors for Heisenberg while he tends to wear more earthy tones methinks. He kinda sorta doesn't wear either black or white. But looking at it this way, the colorization of his character design is just a thing that stands out as kinda odd about him and doesn't really mesh in well with the other Lords at all...

In fact, do you ever think about how weird Heisenberg is within the narrative and how he really doesn't fit in or mesh well amongst his siblings in general? He really is an outlier in a lot of ways. All of the other Lords look like monsters, but Karl kinda just looks like... A guy. A few too many scars, but a somewhat ordinary guy nevertheless. And there's of course the obvious stuff with his attitude and feelings towards Miranda, how he wants to team up with Ethan and goes out of his way to not kill him, how he's a much more modern feeling character who doesn't feel caught up in the Victorian period, and whatnot. So the fact that he doesn't visually mesh in well with his siblings... Just another odd little thing about him. But then I realized... While his outfit really doesn't visually mesh well with the other Lords', there is one character in the game that his outfit matches with in a very interesting way...

Green jacket, eyes purposefully hidden. In terms of affinity with another character's outfit, Heisenberg's outfit fits in a lot better with Ethan's than anyone else's. And while those are about where the similarities with their outfits end, how they differ is interesting. Where Ethan has a black shirt under his jacket, Heisenberg has a white one. Ethan has cool blue denim jeans, Heisenberg has warm brown pants (also brown is a shade of orange, and the opposite of blue is orange). Also while Ethan looks like he's too young for his age, when you actually look at Heisenberg's features, he doesn't actually look very old. The gray hair just throws things off by a lot, so while Ethan looks too young for his age, perhaps Heisenberg looks too old for his age. And in addition, apparently in some of he concept art, Ethan's hair was supposed to be long! Perhaps another outfit and design parallel between the two.

So this makes me think... Their character designs kinda imply that while they are similar they are also opposites... So... Are their designs trying to tell us that Ethan and Heisenberg are supposed to be foils...? And the thing is... I think that this is an idea that really does hold up! Because thinking about it, Heisenberg is kinda living through similar circumstances that Ethan would have to exist in within a Bad End scenario. Forced to be part of a family that he never wanted to who mutilates and experiments on him. While he may be powerful, ultimately he couldn't get away and now can't ever be free. He is altered by this family to the point where he can no longer really considered to be human anymore. He is forced into isolation and needs to be violent in order to survive. That is the reality of Heisenberg's life and could easily have become Ethan's life as well if he didn't manage to escape the Baker house. And that is probably what Heisenberg was trying to get across to Ethan when offering him that deal. That the two of them really are similar in a lot of ways. Except where Ethan had people to fight for, to love, and to help him, Heisenberg has no one.

So... Yeah! As a character Heisenberg stands out a lot, especially when compared to his siblings. But he just makes SO much more sense as a character if you put him in the context of being a foil to Ethan. Similar, but opposites. An angry and hostile protagonist contrasted against a relatively friendly and helpful antagonist. Also they're both engineers! But ultimately I don't know if any of this was intentional. Very interesting if it was though! At the very least it's neat to think about and it's fun to keep finding interesting parallels!

#karl heisenberg #resident evil heisenberg #resident evil viii #ethan winters #resident evil ethan winters #re8 #re village #resident evil 8 village #resident evil 8 #resident evil village #resident evil

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gammija · 3 years

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The final Web!Martin evidence list

Now that canon is done, and we’ve got word of god confirmation that Web!Martin wasn’t complete nonsense, I decided to go back to my lil chronological evidence list and actually clean it up a bit, delete parts that in hindsight weren't all that indicative, and put everything in a slightly more readable format. (Obligatory disclaimer that i don’t and never did believe or advocate for some kind of evil web!martin, and that I'm not intending to connect a moral judgement to martin (or anyone else for that matter) having some of these traits)

So here: The (hopefully, please) final list with Web!Martin Evidence! Presented in order of importance, according to. me

The final (hopefully) Web!Martin evidence list

(In order from most to least obvious)

Spiders

I mean, it’s called the Web. TMA reiterates quite a few times that Martin liked spiders. Sometimes it IS that easy.

MAG022: Martin: "I like spiders. Big ones, at least. Y’know, y’know the ones you can see some fur on; I actually think they’re sort of cute -"

MAG038: | Sasha: "A spider?" Jon: "Yeah. I tried to kill it…" [...] Sasha: [Chuckles] "Well, I won’t tell Martin." Jon: "Oh, god. I don’t think I could stand another lecture on their importance to the ecosystem."

MAG059: Jon: "I have done my best to prevent Martin reading this statement in too much detail. I have no interest in having another argument about spiders."

MAG079: Jon: "Apparently, biologically, his account of the spiders doesn’t make any sense according to Martin."

MAG197: Martin: “What? Because I like spiders? Well, used to.”

Lies and subterfuge

Martin is able to use lying and subterfuge to achieve his goals, and is called manipulative a few times.

Lies:

MAG022: Martin: "[He] became slightly more co-operative after I lied to him and told him that one of the upstairs residents had buzzed me in."

MAG056: Martin: "I lied on my CV."

MAG158: Peter: “But you said –” Martin: “Honestly, I mostly just said what I thought you wanted to hear.”

MAG164: Jon: "You – I actually believed you!"

MAG189: Martin: “Sorry. Sorry, John. Not sure how much everything up there actually understood what was going on. But, y’know, I didn’t want to take any chances so it made sense to… um…” Jon: “Put on a show?” Martin: “Yeah, basically, more or less.”

MAG191: Martin: "That's not true." Arun: "Liar!"

Subterfuge:

The plan in 118, which revolved around convincing Elias that Martin was only “acting out”, to create a distraction for Melanie. (Also compare the way he evades giving a straight answer here with the way Annabelle talks in 196.)

Working with Peter in s4 under false pretenses, to distract him from Jon and eventually try to learn what Peter wanted.

Manipulation accusations:

These, I know, are somewhat contentious, since it’s mostly villains saying this to him. I’m still including them, since

1): From a media analysis standpoint, being mentioned 3 times is a sign to pay attention, even when it may not be the full truth.

2): I only see it as describing Martin’s behaviour in the previous points, not as a moral judgement; Especially since he almost always ‘manipulates’ people in positions of power over him.

Still, if it bothers anyone, feel free to ignore these.

MAG138: Martin: "That’s it? No, no monologue, no mind games? You love manipulating people!" Elias: "That makes two of us."

MAG186: Martin: “I can be a real manipulative prick, you know that?” Also Martin: “Oh yeah.”

MAG196: Annabelle: “Because you always managed to get what you wanted through smiles and shrugs and stammerings that weren’t nearly as awkward as they seemed.” [SMALL SOUND OF MARTIN’S CONCESSION TO THE POINT] Martin: “Point taken.”

The Lonely/the Web

The Lonely and the Web sometimes affect Martin to similar degrees.

In season 3, when Martin is getting used to reading statements for the first time, most of them leave him emotionally affected: MAG084, MAG088, MAG090,

MAG095: Martin: “S-S-Statement… done.” [HEAVY BREATHING & TREMBLING AS MARTIN STEADIES HIMSELF] “I don’t like recording these. There. I-I said it.”,

MAG098: Martin: [Panting] “End of statement.” [Deep breath] “I, um, I think I might need to sit down. Oh. Yeah, I am. Right. I don’t, uh, I’m not really sure if these are actually getting easier or harder. I mean I don’t feel –”

Only the last two statements he reads are remarkably easier. This might be a hint that Martin is just getting used to reading them, but the quote from MAG098 seems to contradict that. Either way, it’s likely not a coincidence that those last two happen to be the Lonely and the Web:

MAG108: Martin: “Statement ends.” (exhale) “That wasn’t so bad…”

MAG110: Martin: “Statement ends.” [...] “I mean, I think it sounds like a Jurgen Leitner book. About spiders. Hm. Good John didn’t have to read this one, anyway. I know he’s not a fan. Although, this one wasn’t too bad, actually! I – yeah. Anyway.”

In season 5, there are two powers’ Domains that actually affected Martin mentally, as opposed to only physically: the Lonely’s, in 170 (and arguably 186), and, depending on your interpretation, in 172, when Martin went exploring without knowing why he did so.

Proximity

Martin investigates a lot of the Web statements during season 1 to 3 (in other words, when the archive team still researches statements). The only ones he isn’t mentioned in during this period are MAG019 and MAG020, when he’s being harrassed by worms, and MAG081, which Jon records by himself outside of the institute.

Most notably, he’s the one who discovered the statement in MAG114, ‘Cracked Foundations’, which is the one statement in the entire show that sets up the interdimensional properties of HTR.

The Web!Lighter passed through Martin's hands first, before he gave it to Jon.

Similarly, Annabelle mostly spoke to Martin in season 5, despite most other Avatars usually focusing on Jon.

Aesthetics

Apart from the above obviously Web related areas, there are some other aesthetics which are mentioned in connection to both the Web and Martin, throughout canon.

These are describing the Web;

These are describing Martin.

Tapes:

Martin is the only character to treat the tape recorders as friends - any other character is either indifferent, or treats them as enemies.

MAG039: Martin: "I think the tapes have a sort of… low-fi charm."

MAG154 Martin: “Oh. Hi. Hello again.” … (small laugh) “Sorry pal, false alarm this time.”

MAG156 Martin: “Mm? Oh.” [HE LAUGHS, GENTLY.] “Yeah. (rustling paper) I was going to read one. Hate for you to miss it!” [SHORT, FORCED LAUGH, AS HE FLAPS THE STATEMENT AROUND.]

MAG170 Martin: “Oh. Oh, hello. What’s this? Wow, retro! What are you up to, little buddy; just – listening? That’s okay. It’s nice to have someone to talk to.”

MAG190 Jon: "[The tapes] seem to like [Martin]."

Retro:

MAG069: Statement: “I only saw Annabelle Cane once during this period. She wasn’t hard to pick out. She dressed like a vintage clothing store exploded on her, and her short bleach-blonde hair stood out sharply against dark skin.”

MAG160: Jon: “Anyways, don’t tell me the phonebox down there doesn’t appeal to your retro aesthetic.” Martin: “It – might. Maybe.”

MAG163: Annabelle/the Web callying Martin via an old payphone: [ A PHONE RINGS. IT’S NOT THE TINNY, ELECTRONIC SOUND OF A CELLPHONE – NO, THIS IS A TRUE, HEAVY, CLASSIC RING.] Martin: “Uh. John? Uh, J, John – the, uh, payphone that’s – here, for some reason – it’s ringing?”

Hatred of burns:

MAG067: Jack Barnabas’ statement: “I looked up and noticed within the corner of the room, where there had been a spider’s web this morning, there was just a faint wisp of smoke.” “Another held a bag that seemed to be full of candles, while a third had a clear plastic container filled with hundreds of tiny spiders.”

MAG139: Statement by member of Cult of the Lightless Flame: “The Mother of Puppets has always suffered at our hand; all the manipulation and subtle venom in the world means nothing against a pure and unrestrained force of destruction and ruin.” Agnes burned down Hilltop Road.

MAG145: The Web ties Gertrude to Agnes, stopping the Desolation’s ritual (the only Power whose ritual the Web is known to have prevented).

MAG167: Gertrude enlists Agnes’/the Desolation’s help in order to burn her assistant Emma, who was Web aligned.

MAG169: Martin: "Look, I just – don’t want to get burned, all right? It’s, it’s like my least favorite pain ever. [...] I, I legitimately hate burns, alright? They’re, they’re awful, and they scar horribly, and they just – it – it just makes me sick; I, I hate it. Hate it!"

Phrasing:

MAG039: Martin: "I’m trapped here. It’s like I can’t… move on and the more I struggle, the more I’m stuck. [...] It's just that whatever web these statements have caught you in, well, I’m there too. We all are, I think."

MAG079: Martin's poem: "The threads of people walking, living, lovi–"

MAG117: Martin: "This last couple of years, I’ve always been running, always hiding, caught in someone else’s trap, but, but now it’s my trap, and, well, I think it’ll work. I know, I know it’s not exactly intricate, but it felt good leaving my own little web. Oh, oh, Christ, I hope John doesn’t actually listen to these. “Good lord, is Martin becoming some sort of spider person?” No, John, it’s an expression, chill out! Besides, spiders are fine. I mean, yes, people are scared of them, obviously, but actual spiders, they just want to help you out with flies."

MAG167: Jon: “Methinks the Spider dost protest too much.” Martin: “Jon –” Jon: “Joking! Just joking.”

Personality:

How applicable these are depends heavily on how you interpret Martin's own personality, so your mileage may vary.

MAG008: Statement: “Nobody ever said a word against Raymond himself, though, who was by all accounts a kind and gentle soul [...]”

MAG123: Jon: "The Web does seem to have a preference for those who prefer not to assert themselves."

MAG147: Annabelles statement: "I discovered a deep and enduring talent inside myself for lying. [...] My manipulations were not intricate, but they were far beyond what was expected of a child my age, and I have always believed that the key to manipulating people is to ensure that they always under- or overestimate you. Never reveal your true abilities or plans."

Word of God and Annabelle

I kinda wanted to ‘prove’ that Web!Martin had quite a bit of evidence to back it up, hence this header being last. But of course, in this post-canon world, there are a few lines that most obviously confirm the theory:

MAG197: Martin is Web enough to be able to read the 'vibrations', like Annabelle, and see Jon and Basira (the latter being especially notable, as he hadn't known she was there beforehand): [CHITTERING, BUZZING AND HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALS CHANGE CADENCE] Martin: "Wait… Wait, hang on, is that him?" Annabelle: "Yes. I guess you’re better with the Web than we thought." Martin: "And – Wait, ha– No, uh… is that… Basira? He – He’s got Basira with him!" Annabelle: "Yes."

Season 5 Q&A part 2: Jonny: “Essentially, it was fascinating looking at the fandom and, like, the Web!Martin believers, because what they were doing was correctly picking up on hints dropped in the early seasons that were later, like, not exactly abandoned, but it was much more like, ‘Well, no, he does have like aspects of The Web to him, but he is moreover The Lonely.’ And that came about very… very organically, really. Because throughout Season 3 and going into Season 4, we had this conversation and we were like, ‘No, actually he's like-” Alex: “‘It can't be, it cannot be, it must be the other way round’ Yeah.”

(Note that they say “throughout season 3 and going into season 4,” which likely means that season 1, season 2, and at least part of season 3, aka half of the entire show, were written with Web!Martin as an intentional possibility.)

If you read all that, thanks so much! Obviously, Web!Martin never really came to fruition, so it's fine if you still don't like it. This is just a post explaining where it was coming from, at least for me and the other theorists I've spoken to.

#the magnus archives #magnus archives #tma #tma s5 #web!martin #web martin #webmartin #or as jonny called it:#spider!martin #tma theory #tma meta #martin blackwood #martin k blackwood #martin #tma martin #magnuspod #i feel like i say this every time too but #when i say martin lies a lot i dont mean that #in comparison to 'normal people'#i mean that in canon he gets specifically mentioned to lie; at a higher rate than the other protagonists #ditto for everything else. im not speaking about real life people who might have these traits. im doing a media analysis #my own real life bedroom curtains being blue dont mean im depressed but in media sometimes aesthetic themes can be deeper signifiers #and tma especially has some very strong aesthetic themes #ok i think im done talking now. webmartin theories always get me rambling #EDIT: oops i changed a part on mobile and now the formatting is a bit fucked #ill fix it back tomorrow #if anyone cares #EDIT EDIT: ok fixed it

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shyficwriter · 3 years

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Temporary Home: Chapter 6

Guardians of the Galaxy fanfic | Reader x Guardians (With Yondu and Kraglin!) Guest starring Nick Fury and Maria Hill

Summary: Peter works on cracking your shell and Rocket just still doesn't like you. Oh, and Fury pays a surprise visit and you accidentally poison Yondu- Oops!

Previous Chapter here | Next Chapter Here Or click here to: Start From Beginning

Author’s Note: I think I knew from the moment I read this post I knew I needed to include something like it in this fic, especially knowing one of my readers had also suggested somewhere that they thought it'd be cool to see how the Guardians reacted to Terran food lol

Word Count: 5,617

You came back inside through the back door more than half an hour later, having decided to run a quick coat of stain over the bed frame pieces. The sooner you applied the stain, the sooner it would dry, the sooner you could apply the varnish. Not that you were in a hurry or anything... You just got excited over having a project, that's all. You totally weren't stalling on going back in the house, or anything.

Peter was sitting in the kitchen with Gamora. The others had seemingly all dispersed by now.

Peter looked slightly disappointed. "Saved you some cookies."

You were slightly taken back in surprise. "Oh, you didn't need to."

"You bought them, I wasn't just not going to save you a couple." Peter said with an odd look. "Anyway, thought you said you were coming back?"

You grimaced slightly and accepted a biscuit from the package in Peter's outstretched hand. "I did come back... I just got caught up with something."

Peter eyed you for a moment, as if he were considering something. He tilted his head, a slight smirk forming. "Are you shy or something?"

You blinked at him. "What? No-"

"Kinda seems like you are. I mean, before you avoided us because you were all cranky and hated us, but you don't seem nearly as cranky today. Heck you even seemed to almost like us today. So the only reason I can see for you to still be avoiding us is that you're shy."

Gamora raised an eyebrow at him, but after a moment's thought, almost seemed to agree with him and turned her expression to you. She didn't think he really believed you were shy. Rather, she figured he was accusing you of being shy to make you come clean about the real problem. He did similar stuff like this all the time to trick Rocket into talking when something was bothering him. She often wondered where he learned it from, until she witnessed Yondu doing the same to Peter one day after he and Kraglin joined their group.

You shook your head at them. "No. That's absurd."

Peter nudged Gamora in the arm. "That's cute. I think she's shy."

"I'm not shy. That's dumb. My line of work doesn't exactly mix with shy." You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms over your chest in annoyance.

"Methinks you protest too much," Peter teased in a sing-song voice.

You narrowed your eyes at him before turning to Gamora. "Is he always like this?"

Gamora half smiled. "Yes... but he might stop if you told us why you keep avoiding everyone."

You sigh. "Look, it's just going to take some time. I'm not trying to avoid anyone, well, not anymore. Just... being around and interacting with a bunch of people is just... not something I'm used to."

"So you are shy." Peter said, his grin almost smug, but mostly teasing.

You sigh in Gamora's direction and she grins sympathetically. "I'm sorry about him."

Before you could respond again you heard a knock at the door.

You looked towards the sound in confusion at who it might be, because you never got visitors. However, you quickly switched to alarm when you realized you had a house full of aliens and no idea who was at the front door. You look out the kitchen window, but you couldn't see a vehicle.

They knocked again.

You turned back to Peter and Gamora. Preferably you'd want to tell them to get everyone to the cellar, but you were concerned on time and knew the curtain was open on the front door window and didn't want to risk whoever it was seeing a bunch of figures fleeing to behind the staircase to the cellar door. You directed Peter to go upstairs and make sure whoever was up there stayed and remained quiet, while you directed Gamora to head into the sitting room, close the door, and do the same while you checked the front door.

Another knock.

You looked at the window of the front door. It was the type of glass where it distorted finer features of subjects, but even with that obstacle, whoever was there seemed to be purposefully standing to the side so they couldn't be seen.

Once Peter and Gamora were out of sight you kept a hand on the knob and tentatively asked, "Who is it?" You eyed the small table by the door where you kept one of your issued guns well hidden. Just in case.

"Fury and Agent Hill. May we come in?" His tone was slightly sarcastic on the second line.

Dammit Fury. You rip the door open. "You ever heard of calling first?"

"No." Fury said flatly, then more sarcastically, "Nice to see you too." He looked around as he entered, seemingly expecting the house to be teeming with more life than it currently seemed. "Where are your charges?"

"I wasn't expecting company. I hid them," you say almost irritably, walking to open the sitting room door, telling those inside that it was alright, it was just Fury. You walk over to the stairs and look up to see Peter peering over the railing and nod to him in a gesture that meant that he and anyone else up there should come downstairs.

When you turn back to Fury he was smiling.

You pinch the bridge of your nose. Of course it was a test, and you complain as much. "Everything's a test with you, isn't it?"

"Not everything," he said. "You should have been expecting us for a weekly check-in."

"You neglected to mention that," you said, slightly embarrassed because you honestly should have expected check-ins even without being told.

"Oh. Must have slipped my mind." Fury said with a wry smile. He knew full well he didn't mention it.

You roll your eyes. "Nothing slips your mind," you confronted, turning now to Maria. She only offered a smile back that clearly said, 'Perhaps if you hadn't been so cranky last time...'

Peter came down the stairs with Mantis, Rocket, and Groot and everyone filed into the sitting room. You caught sight of Kraglin and Rocket again and still had to cover you mouth to fight from laughing before you turned away and tried to keep your face serious. This, of course was much to Kraglin's chagrin and Rocket's annoyance. Yondu noticed and gave Kraglin another strange look, which Kraglin only responded with a shake of his head and an expression that read, 'Please, don't ask.'

Fury spoke when everyone was settled. "This is just a routine check-in. So far your situation has not changed. As expected, NOVA is still trying to make negotiations on your behalf. We're just here to see how everyone is settling in, make sure there are no concerns or problems we need to know about."

"I got a concern," Rocket spoke up.

"If this is about the crib, we don't want to hear it." Maria replied semi-sternly.

Rocket deflated slightly before saying, "I have another concern."

Fury looked unamused, but before he could ask Rocket to elaborate, Rocket was already going into about how you were a dick and how you tossed him outside like a rag doll.

"You were attacking him," you said angrily, gesturing to Kraglin. "Was I just supposed to let you?" Of course the little shit would try to make you look bad to your boss while leaving out the part he played in the situation.

Rocket went on to say that you just had it in for him, and Mantis, who wanted to both try and calm the situation and also defend you, shyly spoke up and said, "Maybe she would like you better if you hadn't tried to poison her?"

Fury and Maria exchanged looks, hers a mix of startled surprise, Fury's one of surprised concern. Surely if there had been an attempt on your life from one of these people, you would have reported it. They turned back, Maria saying, "Excuse me?"

However, she was drowned out by Rocket saying, "That was after!" as if that were a valid defense. "And she wouldn't have died!"

"Yeah, she would have just shit herself half to death. So much better." Peter said sarcastically.

"Why do you care? She bit you!"

This earned raised eyebrows from Fury and Agent Hill. You purposely didn't meet their gaze, embarrassed.

Peter, who felt guilty at the way Rocket was doing you, then stood up for you, "In her defense I did almost break her nose." He caught the expressions of Fury and Agent Hill and added, "We were drunk, it was all just a misunderstanding," as an explanation before realizing he wasn't exactly helping either.

There was more bickering, mostly Rocket saying how much of a dick you were, and others scolding back that Rocket had been the one to start it, then he brought up how instead of helping untangle him and Kraglin you just laughed your ass off, and then others said more things that weren't really helping and everyone was talking over each other while Gamora pinched the bridge of her nose in embarrassed frustration and you rubbed a hand down your face.

"Enough!" Fury said firmly, breaking up the squabbling. "We are not here to listen to petty grievances." He gave the group a stern look. "First off," he looked directly at Rocket, "do not try to poison my agent again. We can just as easily put you in a cell for the duration of your stay on Earth, but I think you'd agree this is a much better venue."

Rocket grumbled something about how'd he'd just escape, but Fury ignored him.

Fury looked at you. "And you- Do try and refrain from getting into fights with your charges." He nodded towards Peter to indicated he specifically meant drunken fights and biting. His tone was as if he was incredulously scolding a child who didn't normally do naughty things, but had suddenly decided to moon traffic. He actually hadn't expected to hear of this behavior from you. You were one of his best agents. He had the humorous thought that this group's dysfunction might be contagious.

You look down and nod. "Yes, sir."

"Good. Now does anyone have any real concerns? Is everyone healthy? Anyone gotten sick? Are the food rations sustaining?"

Peter spoke up, afraid that Rocket would start in again. "We're all fine here. Don't listen to Rocket, he's just cranky and still adjusting. She's been a good host."

Fury grinned slightly as he looked at you. "I'd take that as a glowing review, seeing as it came from the man you apparently bit."

You felt your face grow warm and you didn't meet his gaze. You had a feeling he wasn't going to let that go anytime soon.

Mantis spoke up again, now excitedly. "Oh yes! She's been very kind! She gave me this bear!"

Oh geez. Of course she'd bring up the bear. You covered your face for a moment and wondered if she ever put the thing down.

Fury looked at the stuffed toy in amusement. He could tell it wasn't new. It was in nice condition, but worn more than what would happen with a week's worth of use. Meaning, he felt you likely hadn't gone out to buy it, he had a feeling that it more than likely came from inside the house, which, if his suspicions were correct...

"Nice to see you're making friends." he said with humor in his voice, only briefly meeting your gaze before you broke it again.

Fury kept the rest of the visit brief, asking a few more questions before he clapped his hands together and said. "Alright, I believe we're done here. If nobody has any further questions, we'll be seeing you all next week. You know how to contact us if there are any problems-" he turned and gave a pointed look at Rocket, clarifying, "any real problems."

"Same time?" you ask.

"We'll see," replied Fury, turning with Maria towards the door when no one spoke up with any further concerns.

You frowned. Clearly he intended to make the next visit a 'surprise' as well. You probably shouldn't be surprised, but you didn't exactly like the anxiety attack he gave you with this 'surprise visit,' and you weren't looking forward to another one.

Rocket watched Fury and Agent Hill as they left, biting his tongue. He considered shouting out after him that you wanted to put them in chains, but of course he knew that him simply seeing the chains wouldn't be enough proof. If he called you out now, you'd probably just make something up, or maybe you had them hidden so if anyone went to look they wouldn't find them.

No. He couldn't say anything yet. He was going to bide his time. He had a suspicion he might find answers in the attic. Why else would you have told Groot there were monsters up there to keep him out, if there wasn't something you were trying to hide?

He only needed to find time to get up there when no one would notice.

At the door Fury pushed a button on his key fob and his vehicle shimmered into place as the cloaking disengaged. You looked unamused and both Fury and Maria nodded in goodbye as they departed.

You shook your head with a sigh and closed the door.

***

"I think that went well," Maria said as she buckled in. "No one's been killed yet."

Fury let half a chuckle and just looked at her before driving away.

***

Some time after Fury had left and everyone had supper you decided to treat yourself to some reading. You decided to curl up on the armchair, something you hadn't done since the Guardians first arrived. This was because you wanted to, definitely not to prove to Peter, who was sitting with Yondu at the table, that you weren't too shy to stay in the same room with other people without coercion.

You were sat curled in the armchair reading a horror novel when Kraglin walked into the room, catching your attention. Of course, when you saw it was him you were unable to hold back your snickers, though you tried to hide them behind your book.

Kraglin's eyebrows knitted together. "It's not that funny!" he groaned.

Yondu, who was growing more curious and amused asks, "What's so 'not funny' that she laughs every time she sees yer face, boy?"

Kraglin gives him a pitiful look, but before he can open his mouth to again beg him not to ask Peter answers for him, retailing the whole embarrassing story while giggling, to Yondu's delight as he starts laughing right along with Peter once he gets to the part about Rocket getting tied to Kraglin's butt.

This, of course, makes you laugh harder, and you're now shaking behind your book.

Kraglin looks like he wants to die before his expression switches to mischievous. Sure, you said you weren't ticklish the other day when Mantis was trying to make you laugh, but he was sure that was obviously a lie. He also knew from dealing with a bratty Peter through the years just how to teach you a lesson. Kraglin approaches you. "You think that's funny? I've give ya something to laugh at, brat!" he says, lunging for one of your feet and scribbling his fingers over the bottom.

This lasts all of half a second before you let out a high squeak, which is then followed by an "OOF!" by Kraglin when your other foot connects with his ribcage.

"Ow! You kick hard!" Kraglin whined, rubbing his ribs where you had just donkey-kicked him.

You blushed slightly, peering over your book. "Yeah, well... I suppose it's in your best interest if you don't try that again." You try to sound intimidating, but it comes out sounding more squeaky than you'd have liked.

"Yeah, no shit." Kraglin replied, still rubbing his ribs as he walked over to sit on the far end of the couch, as if afraid to sit too close to you now.

You muttered into your book, "I'm not even ticklish."

Kraglin just rolled his eyes at you, picking up the remote to turn on the television.

Peter and Yondu just kept laughing.

***

The next morning the novelty of having encountered Kraglin and Rocket tangled up had mostly worn off. Mostly. You didn't burst out laughing every time you saw them anymore, but Kraglin was still slightly annoyed that you still couldn't glance at him without cracking a smile. If you had just been happy to see him he wouldn't have minded, but because he knew it was only a result of yesterday's incident, it was slightly embarrassing.

However, it did make him feel a little better to tease you and Peter for jumping when the toaster popped.

You were buttering your toast when Yondu pulled a jar from the pantry. "What're these?" He hadn't tried much Terran food yet, aside from the few times you had cooked and when Peter beckoned him to try something, and today he was feeling adventurous. Might as well. He had the feeling they were going to be here awhile.

You look over to see him already opening the jar of pickled jalapeños and your eyes widen slightly. "Those are jalapeños. I recommend trying one if you haven't eaten them before, they're hot."

"They ain't hot, the jar's cool?" Yondu said, spearing three slices of jalapeño on a fork. Whatever it was, he was sure he could take it. It was only Terran food, after all. What's the worst that could happen?

Seeing the oncoming tragedy that was more than likely about to happen in his mouth you tensed, "No, that's not what-"

Too late. He already ate them.

It was maybe five seconds before his mistake hit him. To his credit, he swallowed, but he also immediately closed the jar. "What the hell!?" he said, looking at you as he tried to suck air into his mouth to cool it down. "What the hell are these things?! My damn mouth is on fire!" He wasn't panicking, to your relief, but he also wasn't happy.

Peter laughed at him. He had thought he remembered jalapeños from when he was a kid, his grandpa would put them in his tacos. However, he didn't try to further warn Yondu with you, wanting to see what would happen. He wasn't disappointed even seeing Yondu glare at him for laughing as he sucked air through his teeth and wiped his now running nose on his sleeve.

You look at Yondu half-apologetically. "I tried to warn you! I told you they were hot- I mean spicy, that's why your mouth burns. Um... here..." You pull down a glass and pour him some milk. "This will help."

He eyed it. "What is it?" He thought it looked like the same white liquid Peter and Kraglin would pour into what Peter called cereal, but he had never bothered to ask them what it was.

"Milk." you answered, getting a very strange look from him in return, a mix of 'What the fuck?!' and near disgust.

Peter spoke up from the table. "It's from a cow. It ain't hers, dude. It's fine."

Your eyes widen, scandalized, as you look to Peter. "Excuse me?"

He looks at you apologetically. "Sorry, I know this is normal here, but uh, on most other planets... you won't really find 'milk' ...unless you're uh, feeding a baby."

A high, "Hmmm..." is all you respond, not sure what else to say to the implication that the blue man thought you were somehow offering him your milk. Your eyes were still wide and you could feel your face growing warm at the uncomfortable information but you still offered out the glass, setting it on the counter between you. "Well this is all I have to offer for the burning. Otherwise you're going to have to wait it out." You cross your arms over your chest self-consciously.

Yondu looked like he was considering for a moment, before hesitantly reaching out to take the glass.

"Drink it slow, it will help with the burning." You then add, mildly scolding. "Next time listen."

He grumbled, but took the glass and sat down at the table next to Kraglin to drink it. Kraglin covered his mouth with his fist, trying not to laugh and looking like he wanted to say something, but Yondu glared at him, grumbling. "Not a word."

Kraglin managed to giggle out a, "Yes, sir." before returning his attention to his cereal, a new food Peter introduced to him a couple days ago that actually wasn't half bad.

Everything was fine for about half an hour or so. You finished your toast and had some juice, and the guys had finished their food as well and the four of you sat in the kitchen talking. Well, they were talking, you were mostly sitting and listening, mostly just making an effort to sit for more than five minutes so Peter would stop giving you that look that said, "Ha, knew you were shy," that he had recently taken to giving you.

Then Yondu suddenly bent slightly and held his stomach with a stifled grunt.

You raised an eyebrow, as did the other two. "You ok?" you asked, seeing his pained expression.

Yondu glared then tensed again, grunting out a "Dammit." before pushing his chair back and making his way quickly from the kitchen without another word.

The three of you shared confused glances.

Then you heard the bathroom door loudly close, and not too long after that began to hear loud noises of the... smelly variety.

Peter half-stifled a laugh, saying. "When ya gotta go, ya gotta go, I guess."

You could hear the sound of the toilet flush a bit later, but Yondu didn't return. Instead you started to hear the "smelly" noises again, followed by muffled cursing.

Gamora entered the kitchen, holding her nose. You knew that wasn't a good sign regarding the smell of your hallway, and you were only grateful it hadn't made it into the kitchen yet, though you were now less than eager to leave and risk facing it.

"Is he alright?" she asked Peter.

"He'll be fine." Peter laughed in response, receiving a look from Gamora as she sat next to him, no doubt seeking a reprieve from the odor.

A few minutes passed and he still remained in the jacks, but the smell had its own travel plans.

"Oh hell," you choke out, seemingly the first one of the four of you (aside from Gamora from before) the smell decided to assault. You motioned to Peter. "You- windows- help- please? Now?" you say, gagging as you stood and made your way to open the closest window.

"Right behind you!" Peter said, standing and quickly making to open any window in the kitchen he could find. Kraglin stood with Gamora and they left the kitchen, stating that they were going to open the windows in the sitting room and see if that might help. You could hear gagging from the hallway when they left the kitchen. Peter made his way further down the room and gagged as he opened the back door, a cloud of stink having unfortunately pooled down that way as it was the end closest to the bathroom.

He braved the stink just long enough to shout, "Damn, man! What did you eat!?" He only got a, "Oh, grow up!" in response from Yondu from behind the bathroom door.

You exited the kitchen from the other end to open the front door, coughing as your fears were confirmed and the smell was much worse outside the kitchen. You wondered if you should open the upstairs windows as well.

This thought was confirmed when you could hear the sounds of Mantis gagging at the top of the stairs and Drax asking if an animal had died in the house, then going on to confirm it wasn't Rocket as he was with him and Rocket indignantly yelling, "Hey!"

You made your way upstairs, Peter taking your lead and following to open the windows upstairs to help air the house out.

Yondu had only just exited the bathroom when you came downstairs, not looking too pleased. However, he only made it about a meter outside the door before wincing as a cramp told him he wasn't actually finished and spinning on his heels to return to the toilet.

Now Peter actually seemed mildly concerned. "Dude, you ok in there?" he called from a 'safe' distance from the door, as if anywhere was safe from the smell anymore.

There was only more embarrassing noises in response to Peter's question.

"Yondu?" Peter called out.

"Leave me alone, boy! Can't ya see I'm a little busy at the moment?!"

"I can definitely smell it!" Peter shouted back.

"I'm gonna head outside," you choke out, looking at Gamora. "Care to join?" It was less of an invitation and more of a hint. If you value air, maybe get out of the house.

"Way ahead of you dorks!" Rocket called as he ran out the front door with Groot clinging to his back, gagging.

Everyone else followed out the front door, not willing to risk walking toward the back.

"Fresh air!" Peter cried out once he was outside in such a funny way you couldn't help but chuckle and shake your head despite sharing the same sentiments.

After a couple moments of taking in the fresh air, you decided to walk around back. While you were out here you might as well fix the swing.

"Where you going?" Drax asked after you.

Before you could answer, Peter replied in teasing voice, "She's running away 'cause she's shy." Gamora elbowed him and told him to quit.

You rolled your eyes but didn't turn back, flipping him the bird. "I am not. Knock it off."

"Then you won't mind if we join you then, huh?"

You shrugged as you continued walking. "I don't care what you do." you say flippantly, turning the corner of the house.

Peter grinned mischievously. "Oh! So you won't care if I do this?" He jogged after you and all the others heard was a squeaky yip that likely came from you, Peter crying "Ow!" and you responding with, "Then quit that!"

Drax called out, "Mister Fury said no fighting!" as the rest of them followed after the two of you.

"Then Gamora, please come get your child!" is what response came from around the wall.

Drax gave a confused look to Gamora. "Does she really think Quill could be your child?"

Gamora shook her head. "No, Drax. She's just insulting Peter for acting like a child."

You glared at Peter as he rubbed his arm.

"Did you really need to punch so hard?" he asked, laughter in his voice despite the pain.

"Don't startle me next time." You warn, crossing your arms and turning back to keep walking.

Peter smirked. "Oh sure. 'Startle.' Looked a lot more to me like that tickled."

You look back to him with a glare.

Peter held up his hands in a defensive gesture and laughed, and you saw the others rounding the corner and decided to just walk away and let him live for now. Definitely wasn't because you were slightly worried he might try to prove his theory in front of all the others.

You unlocked the shed, grabbed the items you needed from where you had placed them on the workbench the previous day, and shut the shed door and locked it back up all before the others really got near. You hadn't told anyone about the bed frame yet and you didn't intend to, at least not until it was finished.

You dropped the chains by the old swing and walked back towards the shed to grab the ladder leaning against the back wall so that you could cut the old rope away from the large eye hooks drilled into the branch that had been embedded in the tree so long they were now a permanent fixture.

On your way back with the ladder Kraglin asks, "Whatcha doin'?"

"Fixing the swing," you say, not looking at him as you set up the ladder.

You grab the two lengths of chains and start to ascend the ladder when he speaks again. "Would ya like some help with that? Those chains look heavy."

They weren't. Well, they were heavy enough to support a person, but not heavy enough, or you weak enough, that you couldn't hoist them up the ladder. "I think I can manage," you say, slightly irritated. Last thing you wanted was some "Let the man do the lifting" crap.

"It's just that-"

You look sharply at him, "Just what?"

"Nothin' ma'am." His voice cracked as he spoke and you turned back to carrying the chains back up the ladder.

Rocket, who kept an eye on you the moment he saw the chains, but tried not to make a show of it, came over and stood next to Kraglin, Mantis following close behind.

"Are you fixing the swing?" Mantis asks shyly.

"Yep." you say, clipping one chain to the eye-hook with a locking carabiner.

"I'm sorry I broke it."

You don't look down, reaching up to attach the other chain as you say, "Already told you, wasn't your fault. The rope was old. Don't worry about it."

"Oh, so if she breaks something you'll replace it." Rocket said bitterly.

You climb down the ladder and look at him in annoyance. "There's a difference between the rope snapping on her, and you almost throwing the remote through the TV screen during a tantrum."

"I was not throwing a tantrum!" Rocket said indignantly.

"Close enough. Fighting with Peter over it, better?"

Rocket doesn't answer, just crosses his arms and glares at you before taking off. Truthfully, he was less mad about that and more surprised that he saw the chains were being used to fix the swing instead of being used to tie him or his team up. But this didn't mean you still weren't a dick. Just because he was wrong about this one thing, didn't mean he was wrong about you probably hiding some dark plans or something. He just had to find it. He certainly wasn't grasping at straws or anything just 'cause he didn't like you...

You reach down and pick up the wooden seat of the swing. You cut off the rope still attached to the eye hooks running through the board and repeat the same process to attach the chain as you had above.

When you were finished to turned to Mantis and said, "Wanna try it out?"

She giggled excitedly and nodded before hopping on the swing.

You smile and pick up the scraps of rope you had thankfully tossed out of swing-range and noticed Kraglin was gone. So was your ladder.

You turned to see him returning it back to where you had gotten it from and you called after him, "You didn't need to do that!"

He replied back with, "I know!"

You shook your head and started to walk back towards the shed to toss the scraps in the rubbish bin, wondering how long it might take for the house to be inhabitable again.

Gamora and Peter watched as you had finished repairing the swing and smiled. Peter internally noted that you seemed to have a soft spot for Mantis. Of all of them, her and Groot always seemed to get your softer side, even when it was obvious you were trying not to make it obvious. He grinned, sure that there were some advantages to be had from that.

By the time you had met back up with the rest Yondu could be seen exiting the house from the back door and walking towards the group, no doubt also seeking refuge from the smell.

Peter grinned cheekily and asked, "Everything come out ok?"

Yondu just glared at him before grumpily turning to you. "I think that milk stuff ya gave me went bad."

Peter spoke up, "Inside of you, maybe. Kraglin and I ate it and we're fine."

Kraglin nodded in agreement, saying he felt fine. He then suggested that maybe it was those spicy things he ate that didn't agree with him.

Your eyes widened and you crossed your arms nervously. You remembered how Rocket had attempted to poison you with the xanti-berries, and think you just realized what happened. You had accidentally actually did what Rocket had tried to do to you, to Yondu. You wince and say, "I'm sorry."

Noticing your change in expression, Yondu asks, "What?"

"I'm sorry," you say again, "I didn't even think that the milk might make you sick."

Yondu made a grouchy face but said, "Whatever. Guess I know now."

Rocket, who had been listening in not too far off came up and said, "So when I try to do it to her, I'm an asshole, but when she actually poisons him, everything's just dandy!?"

You narrow your eyes but before you can spout off Yondu speaks up irritably. "If I didn't even know it would happen, how the hell is she supposed to know, Rat?"

"Yeah, she was only tryin' to help him." added Kraglin. "Ain't her fault."

Rocket huffed and skulked away. "Whatever," he said, waving you all off, "Screw you all."

"Ignore him." Peter said, annoyance clear in his voice, and changed the subject to something less likely to piss everyone off.

Eventually you all were able to re-enter the house again without gagging.

#gotg #guardians of the galaxy #x reader #yondu udonta #nick fury #peter quill #rocket raccoon #kraglin obfonteri #drax the destroyer #gamora #groot #mantis #surprise #earth is space australia

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honeysucklepink · 2 years

Text

Anyway, Here's Wonderwall (5/?)

Day 5: Orientation (also on AO3)

Damn it, Kurt muttered. He’d been caught staring at Blaine. So sue him, Blaine may try to steal all of Kurt’s opportunities out from under him but he’s still hot. But he can’t think about that right now.

Kurt was supposed to fly out of Heathrow tomorrow, and be back in Ohio in time to spend the holidays with his parents. While he was never going to fully feel at home in Lima, not after spending enough years in New York, he missed Burt and Carole and it had been too long since he had seen them last. Not to mention all the great gifts he’d gotten them shopping at Oxford Street. And this year he was bringing Dani back with him; when they learned she was on the outs with her family after coming out and spending another Christmas alone, they “adopted” her for the holidays. Now he was stuck here, Burt and Carole might end up spending the holiday without him, and Dani would have another orphan Christmas.

He found himself looking at Blaine again. Huh, come to think of it, he’d never seen Blaine’s parents at any of his performances at school. Maybe he was in the same boat - holiday with friends instead of family…

“Do you think if you keep staring at him, he’ll explode?” Elliott asked. “Cause lemme tell you, that will be one heck of a mess to clean up and Adam is too nice to put that task on. I’ve seen Scanners.”

“I wasn’t staring! I was, um, looking at the pictures over the bar.”

“No, you were staring all right,” Dani said. “But I think you want a whole different kind of explosion from that guy.”

“I do not.” Kurt bristled at Dani’s suggestion. “That’s the last thing I want from Blaine Anderson.”

“Methinks you doth protest too much,” Dani said.

“You do realize just because we’re in England, doesn’t mean you have to recite Shakespeare.”

“If the sonnet fits…”

“Dani, stop teasing him,” Elliott said. “But Kurt, come on. Let’s be serious for a moment. You and Blaine have this whole rivalry thing right now, but you seem to have forgotten the first time you mentioned Blaine to me, and it was not with disdain.”

“I’m sure I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“So you don’t recall telling me about the hottest new guy at NYADA orientation, with ‘dreamy hazel eyes and an ass like a ripe peach’?”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “I never said a peach. Maybe a nectarine.”

“I’m just saying, you are both good-looking and talented people, that are letting what is probably a lot of misunderstanding and miscommunication get in your way. Besides, I had to put up with all this rivalry stuff with Rachel and Santana, and I’m not doing it again.”

“Listen up, everyone,” Adam said, loud enough for the bar patrons to hear without shouting. “Here’s the situation. We’re likely here for the night, maybe more.” Groans came from several in the crowd, including Kurt. “Now fortunately we weren’t fully booked, we have three more rooms available. In addition, I’m going to give up my office; it’s got a spare bed, and it’s only fair. That being said, we don’t have room for everyone. Some of you are going to have to sleep on pallets down here. Now, if you need a room, please come see me.”

Kurt began to stand, but Elliott stopped him. “I got this, Kurt. You sit tight with Dani.”

Kurt sat back down, somewhat relieved he had one less thing he had to stress over. What he didn’t notice was Elliott talking to Adam… and Blaine’s bandmate Wes.

#klaine advent 2021 #klaine advent: orientation #anyways here's wonderwall #pink writes things #still woefully behind #but still progress!

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jacepens · 3 years

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okay, so I was reading through some of your posts, and I definetly need to hear more about the "flirting-through-their-wives" thing tho...

yes yes indeed!

Thank you msrandomstuff! I shall do my best to provide:) <3

Let me start first with Lafayette's letter to Washington and this lovely little passage here: June 12-13, 1779. Laf to GW.

"Be so kind, My dear General, as to present My Best Respects to Your lady, and tell her how happy I would feel to present them Myself to her, at her own house—I have a Wife, My dear General, who is in love with you, and affection for you Seems to Me So well justified that I Can’t oppose Myself to that Sentiment of her’s—She Begs you would Receive her Compliments, and Make them acceptable to Mrs Washington—"

Now, this is just my biased speculations but- Lafayette says Adrienne (although should I take into consideration the extra playful nature here when he just names her as "a Wife"? Rather than my wife or Adrienne? Is it suspicious or regular Laf behavior? One could look at that and say, right or wrong, "a Wife" may not actually be Adrienne...if you catch my drift.) is very in love with Washington and Lafayette feels just as strongly as she does! But if we are flirting through our wives, let me add that my wife continues to compliment yours and actually, let me praise and compliment you twice, George. Because Laf did start this letter by expressing his concern for Washington's safety. Romance aside, I could see Lafayette playfully doubly begging George to keep himself safe and remember his Marquis loves him.

But it's Washington's response that really gets me, and it gets the little cogs in my head turning.

Sept 30, 1779. GW to Laf

"Tell her [Adrienne] (if you have not made a mistake, & offered your own love instead of hers to me) that I have a heart susceptable of the tenderest passion, & that it is already so strongly impressed with the most favourable ideas of her, that she must be cautious of putting loves torch to it; as you must be in fanning the flame. But here again methinks I hear you say, I am not apprehensive of danger—My wife is young—you are growing old & the atlantic is between you—All this is true, but know my good friend that no distance can keep anxious lovers long asunder, and that the Wonders of former ages may be revived in this—But alas! will you not remark that amidst all the wonders recorded in holy writ no instance can be produced where a young Woman from real inclination has prefered an old Man—This is so much against me that I shall not be able I fear to contest the prize with you—yet, under the encouragement you have given me I shall enter the list for so inestimable a jewell."

Washington has immediately caught Lafayette! hehe. (On a historian-rambly note, I just love how human and playful the line: if you have not made a mistake, and offered your own love instead of hers to me is) And it seems that Washington very enthusiastically receives Lafayette's double compliment! He even confesses to having a heart susceptible to the tenderest passion, you know, the only kind of passion Lafayette has for Washington. (It could be nothing. But. I find it interesting that it is passion, singular rather than passions, plural. I honestly read it as passions but nope...just one passion. Could be normal, might not be.)

But please please I need to talk about the second half. George continues to assure Laf (I mean his "wife"-) that he is so favorable of her (him) that he must be careful to...put love's torch to the flame of George's fondness. I actually find this part extra fascinating and while my first thought is, how cute!! I can't help but read into it the longer I look at it.

So, hear me out. George is afraid of falling in love with Lafayette or vice versa or naming what they share as love love. Again, this is more heavy speculation and just one way to read it, but this sentence just really stands out to me.

But, it sounds like this is a conversation they've had before, so often in fact, that George knows exactly what Lafayette would say in response. Lafayette does not mind the danger. Mind the danger. (not apprehensive of the danger) Do you- do you see what I see? (what's more dangerous than being in love love with a man?) But but then I hear some sadness from George. There can be no real danger when they are separated by the ocean and even their age? A fire cannot burn them down from such distance. (Now I'm just talking...)

But no fear!:) We will be reunited, (I'm having an epiphany, Laf was anxious of George at the beginning of his first letter. That's probably a giant leap to make but I'm making it anyway lol). Ps can someone smarter than me tell me what the Wonder of former ages is? xD I can take some guesses, but I'm not too sure. Maybe it's nothing fancy at all.

But but please. The way it ends. George seems to go a little back and forth between sad, self-deprecating and hopeful and loving, but he ends on the cute cuuuute fact that Lafayette encourages his pursuit and love:) George will enter the list so the inestimable jewel of Lafayette's..."wife". (Lafayette)

Cute. Too cute. Am I digging too far into things that have no meaning? Perhaps. Is this still just...flirting with each other through their wives? (platonic or romantic) Yes oh my god yes.

But I'm not done. (Same letter from GW to Laf)

"It only remains for me now, to beg the favour of you to present my respectful compliments to your (but have I not a right, as you say she has made a tender of her love to me—to call her my) amiable & lovely Marchioness—& to assure you that with every sentiment of the most perfect regard, & personal attachmt I have the honr to be My Dear Marquis Yr Most Obedt & affect. Servt"

Please. please. Pleeease. Come oonnnnn. The emphasis on "your" (I checked Laf's full letter that he wrote the above passage in. He never once calls Adrienne "my" just, "a wife". Technically, "a Wife" could be anyone. I rest my case. (or it could be the differences in French and English for all I know. I don't know French, but I'm assuming Laf knows the difference between a and my at this point. Maybe a bold assumption, maybe not.)) only to very cheekily add again, George caught Laf's double compliments of him through his wife. George knows he's writing this to (my) Lafayette. And then of course, he calls Lafayette My (My!!) Dear Marquis (no abbreviations this time here folks). Obviously, I know George calling Laf My Dear Marquis is nothing out of the ordinary, but in this context, it seems worth nothing, does it not?

And. This quote still keeps me up at night. It's not a full flirting-through-wives, but what does it meeean?

From Laf to GW. 5-10 January 1779. (Right before Laf left for France during the war, same year as those letters above)

"I hope you will quietly enjoy the pleasure of being with Mrs Washington, without any disturbance from the ennemy till I join you again;"

I could again spend way too much time looking at all the different angles of this. It- it's just the "till I join you again" that really gets me.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this?? I hope it was sensible, but really, thank you so so much for giving me an excuse to ramble about this. I feel like there are still so many different ways this could be interpreted and if I had more time, I would love to find the photocopies of these letters to potentially analyze even what was crossed out or what looked rewritten vs very natural and not edited. (Washington claimed he didn't edit his letter much, but how true is that I wonder? lol)

Also, not that I think you would, but don't take anything I've said as fact except for the quotes themselves:) Like I said, this is all my (biased) speculations and interpretations but it's honestly not built on a lot of background on how they communicated with other people. (Again, if I had more time, I'd love to see if I could find if these things were standard for them to say or rare).

But really, on an aside, can historians stop assuming everyone as straight? I want lgbtq+ until proven differently xD. Because when you think about it, the lgbt spectrum is a vast number of identities and straight is just one. (Not that people who aren't alive to label themselves should officially have modern labels put on them, but in that same thought, why then call them all straight?)

Ok ok you've listened to me talk enough.

Thank you!! <3 I hope this satisfies:) (ps anyone is free to add to this)

#washette #I talk your ear off #I'm sorry but thank you #asks #msrandomstuff #did I ever tell you I love your icon?#you know I bet these dumbasses never once thought that random enbies would be intensely analyzing every word they wrote for gay subtext #but here we are #suck it

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kaebedom-me · 3 years

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i was only musing about biker au but you know what consider this your formal biker au! poly chaeya request. don’t let your biker bf dreams be dreams

LeS G O LES FUCKING GOOOO

i- HAHA, it got too long so i had to make a cut

I'm going to make ch💙ya established in this au because i do what i wAnt

Them being in different gangs but still working together/ hanging out/ having sex. We stan

No to loose plot for this au yet, just me going of

Methinks, Mondstadt is one bike gang and Liyue another and like the Fatui ? But idk if i see anyone else as bikers yet

But xiao on a bike? Stan. My heart? 💓 (i haven’t met xiao ingame but that one fanart on him on a bike almost got me simping)

I like to think Kaeya and Childe does what they want mostly, like bike gangs usually they just get together to ride somewhere it's really chill

Childe owns like so many bikes dude he's so fucking rich he can have any bike under the sun

But his favourites are sports bikes. Like I just see him adoring his Ducatis

His second and third favourites are dual sports bikes and cruisers

Kaeya heavily prefers cruisers. Just because he's chill like that

Like have you see those thighs???? He doesn't just get them from any old bike mdudes

Also enjoys naked bikes and touring bikes uwu but prolly has a scooter or smth for the memes

“yeah, I ride” and brings his a Vespa or smth in his full leather get up HAHHAHA

His main cruiser,, the engine fucking purrs it’s just right. kinda like a deep rumble, like you can hear it coming and going but once it’s out of earshot it leaves you with this feeling

Kaeya also being a little handy? Like he can take a look at his and Childe’s bike and kinda know what’s wrong, when to change something etc.

You guys....... sweaty Kaeya half dressed, hair up in a bun, working on his bike and with little grease smeared on his face and hands because he’s just been so focused on fixing up his bike-

Childe stumbles in to grab something and instantly is hard

Childe enjoys washing and polishing the bikes, will wash and polish Kaeya’s bikes before he does his too because he’s just sweet like that

Mmmmm wet Childe from washing the bikes, Kaeya will seduce the moment he sees, doesn’t even care if Childe is finished or not

If this AU has like some plot or smth idk yet but them being a brains and brawns duo? Like Kaeya plotting stuff and Childe beating the shit out people??? Yeah, I’d like that dynamic on them

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 them taking turns driving each other? so they can snuggle and relax while the other enjoys being held. quality date right there

Childe’s guilty pleasure is to have Kaeya drive him while he snuggles. He loves the thrill of riding but nothing can beat being close to Kaeya like this

Childe loves helping Kaeya remove his helmet and giving him chaste kisses to his lips, nose, cheeks

Deep inside the speed demon, he really is just a soff boi enjoying some quality time with his bf doing their favourite thing together

Can,,, can you just imagine the two of them in leather jackets and tight jenas i- erotic as hell

Childe very obviously stares and Kaeya whenever they go out riding together and Kaeya always puts on the tightest fucking jeans that show off his thighs good shit

Hi, hello, welcome to my high ponytail Kaeya agenda

The sexual tension of this fucking AU.......... The potENtIAL I want these two to have the time of their livES

He has to take extra of his hair too because helmet hair is not cute so he finds different ways to tie it up and stuff

Kaeya totes have different eye patches to match his outfit too like ok chill damn extra much

Anyways, Childe is a speed demon, the adrenaline he gets from riding fast and reckless? He needs that daily dose of blood rushing in his veins

Has the most feral fucking look after too and fucks Kaeya into oblivion after

Sex on the bike? Sex on the fucking bike babes!!!!

Kaeya riding Childe while they’re on the bike i-

Kaeya being extra good at riding because of his cruising skills too? mmF

He has so much like friction burns on his thighs because they can never take off their clothes in time before fucking like is2g

Childe cannot ride cruisers without thinking of Kaeya and Kaeya makes it his life goal to burn it into his brain and get Childe to the point of erection every time he’s on his cruisers

They swap jackets too whenever they go on long riding journeys without each other

Childe has more than once rutted against his cruisers to the thought of Kaeya

Fucking shameless too!!! Takes a pictures and sends the aftermath to Kaeya

I live for bottom Kaeya knowing he just does things to Childe while he being completely fine. Like he won’t go on his cruiser and immediately think of Childe, he still can enjoy the feeling of riding a bike? But Childe every time he uses his cruisers he gets Kaeya brain rot

Kaeya 100% gives Childe hand jobs whenever Childe rides AHAH Childe might be soft for Kaeya’s rides but Kaeya gets off of the adrenaline from the speed and just exerts it this way

Also the thrill of the speed + being potentially caught while his giving a handjob on the road + Childe losing focus on the road???

Kaeya won’t let Childe crash but the thrill......... sends shivers down his spine

i- not me getting carried away w ch💙ya biker hcs and forgetting this is a poly request (i do not see)

you can ride a bike too if you want uwu. but if you don’t, they’d love to have you ride behind them

They thinks it’s cute when you have to hold onto them. You can do two things

1, you don’t hold onto them for support, instead hold onto something else for support lmAO. They’d be so offended HAHAHHAHA

2, you can put your little hands up or down their clothes while you’re holding them for a fun little good them

Childe, the little shit, speeds up the moment you’re safely secure on the seat just to hear you scream and hold onto him tightly

Kaeya prefers slow rides late at night, where you can put your head on his shoulder and hold him tight, smth chill, sometimes y’all can talk

His cruiser,,,,, you know it just sends the nicest vibrations just right ;)

Childe’s rides are more no chill, more like completely no chill at all

If you’re the type that gets off from fast nerve wrecking rides then the adrenaline will also lead to feral sex after too

If you ride too!!! the three of you just picking a quiet route to speed through the night on? then stopping somewhere to just vibe and talk and stuff

Thinks its so fucking sexy that you’re into bikes too like you’re sexy on your own but having the same passion as them???

Sad though that all three of you can’t be on the same bike? But that’s ok, y’all just take turns being the one on the back

If you don’t ride, but have an interest in learning!!! Childe will throw himself at the chance to teach you

Is actually? Surprisingly??? A really good instructor? Like for a speed demon he’s really safe and tells you all the safety tips and all

It’s his natural care giving side 🥺🥺🥺 he wants you to be safe before you guys go anything doesn’t want anything bad to happen to you

Kaeya if you approach him to learn he’s really sweet about it too

Him being able to balance your body weight and the bike no problem while you try to get used to the weight of the bike and balancing

His thighs could just crush you mAN

You cannot get away from bike sex man, if you refuse, literally swap with me

They’ll try to convince you though, they’ll always find a way to do it at least once

I reckon they’d start with having you on your knees and blowing them while they lean against their bike then fucking you against it

Hopefully, it’ll open up the idea of having sex on the bike!!!!

Kaeya giving you tips on how to ride Childe while you’re riding him as he’s straddling his cruiser

Childe pins you lying on the seat of the bike while he pounds into you

Them taking you to quiet spots a little out of town to fuck your brains out (or ya know to talk and see the sunrise and stuff)

It’s always the prettiest places too, a little secluded, but very worth every effort to get there

Like they make it so romantic too?? Not sure if it’s the atmosphere or just them but it always steals your breath away

Ugh rides near the beach where you can hear the waves, the purr of the engines and the sounds of their laughter. I’m so WeAk

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