#always carrying books has it’s benefits am i right

[universalitgirlsblog2]

🧁🍥STOP BEING LAZY AND PATHETIC🧁🍥

This post is my notes of Thewizardliz video on how to stop being lazy and pathetic. This account will be my digital notebook where I will write notes from Liz and Tam Kaur's videos ( LOL ) .

🧁WHO ARE LAZY PEOPLE ?

Lazy people are the forgotten ones. People that don't want to do anything with their lives, they will always end up on a sideline.

🍥REALIZE THAT NO ONE CARES IF YOU ARE LAZY

Everybody has problems. No one cares about your victim mindset and about how life was hard/ unfair for you. Life is unfair to everyone . Life goes on. Everyone is busy with their own lives. We got to get moving !

🧁YOU AREN'T LAZY , YOU ARE PRIVILEGED

People that need to survive have no option to be lazy . People that are walking up the stairs and they can barely breathe , they have no option anymore than to lose that weight. People that are so vulnerable and their bodies cannot handle of them being so underweight have no option but to lose weight. People that have to go to work otherwise there is no food on the table. They have no option to be lazy. If you have the option to be lazy, you are privileged.

🍥THE HALO EFFECT

The halo effect is when we see a beautiful person , we will think that they are less likely to do something bad because we associate someone beautiful with being a good person. Its the same way with successful person. If we see a successful person in any field , we will assume that they are successful in all their aspects of life. Suppose if a person have a successful business , we will automatically think that they are successful in their relationships and everywhere. If you are lazy , you can't benefit from the halo effect . It takes effort to be beautiful and to maintain beauty. We only see these successes , we don't see the progress. Most people are privileged and have it all but most people come from 0 and create it for themselves. It takes discipline.

🧁FOCUS ON YOUR LIFE FORCE : HEALTH , DIET AND RELATIONSHIPS

When you feel that you are lazy , focus on your life force . What is your life force ? Health and diet. Focus on moving your body and eat foods that don't spike your insulin and eat food that nourish your body. When you feel lazy or don't feel good , don't isolate yourself. Connect with your family and friends. Also focus on your relationship with yourself. What are you engaging your mind in ? Be connected to your own energy. Journal. Sometimes God or your guides are speaking to you but because your mind is constantly racing , you can't listen to them.

🍥CREATE ROUTINES AND STICK TO THEM

Humans need routines. You need a structurised routine. Sometimes we can't stick to routines but we need a base so we have something to go back to. I would like to add something here , I am reading a book by Brianna Wiest , it's called 101 essays that will change the way you think. There was line in the book . " As children, routine gives us a feeling of safety. As adults , it gives us a feeling of purpose ."

🧁CLEAN SPACE IS SELF RESPECT

Clean space is a clean mind. Not even cleaning after yourself is a sign of huge disrespect to yourself. Stop reading this and clean your room right now !!!!!

🍥THERE IS REASON WHY YOU MADE THAT COMMITMENT TO YOURSELF

Remember the reason . Remind yourself, " Why did I even start ? " " Why did I even want this goal ?" . If you don't want the goal anymore then do something else.

🧁THINK ABOUT WHAT STORY ARE YOU TELLING YOURSELF

If you are telling yourself that you are a lazy person , you will act like one. Your mom didn't carry you for 9 months just for you to say that you are lazy. Get a hold of yourself. Don't complain about how you don't have your dream life if you are lazy.

🍥REALISE YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR REALITY ANY SECOND

You can change your realities really fast if you start acting like the person you want to become.

🧁HEAL THE PAST AND MOVE ON

Go to therapy and heal from the past. You can change your story around . If you are a victim of trauma or abuse , don't just go around and tell people because they lose respect for you .

🍥YOUR BODY RESPONDS TO YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS

If you are constantly living in the past , reliving it , your body will make you ill. If you want a different outcome and different future, you have to do things differently. People around you don't need to change, you have the power to control that. You have the responsibility to heal yourself. What others did to you , it is on them . They will get their karma.

🧁ARE YOU LAZY OR DID YOU STOP PROGRESSING ?

People become happy when they start progressing. We constantly need that drive or something to strive for. Create a new project . Find a new hobby. Learn a new skill. Do something that you haven't tried before or pick something you used to love.

🍥TOO MUCH INFORMATION MAKES US LAZY

There is so much information on the internet to the point we don't know what to do. There are so many videos on the best diet , skincare or workout , we get consumed in other people's opinions and lives. We start filling their lives with our energy. ( Just a suggestion; you can search workout or skincare recommendations but at the end you should choose a diet or skincare or workout which suits you , not others )

🧁ARE YOU TOO CONSUMED IN OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES ?

If you wonder to yourself : Why do I not have any energy left for myself ? Because you are too consumed in other people's lives so you aren't living your own.

🍥FEELINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT

Feelings are just feelings. If we all just react to go out of emotions we would all unalive each other.

🧁ALLOW YOUR FEELINGS TO PURGE AND YOUR BODY TO HEAL.

Feelings purge by you feeling them. Release your emotions , don't suppress them . If you suppress those Feelings, they will get stored in your body and might show up later as physical illness. Sleeping is also healing. Let your body heal. Once that's done , get up and do something . Don't dwell there for too long.

🍥WHAT DO YOU FEEL VS WHAT DO YOU WANT ?

If you feel like eating unhealthy food but then you want your dream body. It doesn't correlate. You need to have discipline.

🧁COURAGE IS BEING VULNERABLE

Go outside and try to meet new people. Do something which you wouldn't normally do .

🍥LEARN TO ASK FOR HELP.

Learn to accept help. Sometimes God send people to help you. Ask help from God and you will receive help in miraculous ways.

🧁BE PRODUCTIVE ON YOUR OWN TERMS.

What does productivity look like for you ? What are your goals? Create that productivity mindset and visions. What works for others may not work for you.

🍥ARE THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU DRAINING YOUR ENERGY ?

If you have toxic people around you , you are constantly around them , you are going to feel bad. Distance yourself. No one can make you feel upset, you have the control over how you feel.

🧁CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON SITUATIONS.

Most people are projecting their insecurities. Instead of feeling angry, have compassion for them. Similiarily , if you are going through a break up instead of thinking that they were the last person on earth. Think that your souls were meant to cross and then meant to separate. You learnt your lesson and they learn their lesson.Change your perspective on things .

🍥FOCUS ON THE THINGS YOU CAN DO

Think about three things you can do . What is your passion ? What makes you happy ? Who makes you happy ? Be grateful for these things. Realise that you can do alot and remind yourself of what you can actually do.

#self concept #affirmations #it girl #the wizard liz #thewizardliz #wonyoungism #youtube #inspirational #pink #girlblog #girlblogging #wonyoung motivation #stop being lazy #femme fatale #liz is so iconic #i love liz #self care #self love #self help #self worth #self esteem #dream life #it girl mentality #law of assumption #girlboss #self impowerment #self confidence #the wizard liz motivation #notes #101 essays that will change the way you think

[esotericpluto]

messages from your future spouse

from left to right; intuitively choose the pile you feel more connected to. To make it easier, you can take a deep breathe, close your eyes and ask for guidance to your deities or guides. These are all general messages, so just take what resonates and leave what doesn't. This reading is timeless. If it resonates, feedback is always appreciated and motivates to keep doing pick a card readings.

these are intuitively channeled messages. I also channeled a book and looked at the quotes until I found the one that I intuitively matches your story better.

pile 1

sunshines, rainbows, picnics, lakes, swans, ducks and bunnies is the energy this pile is giving me. It feels like your future spouse is looking forward to taking you to such dates and it seems like they cannot wait until this becomes a reality as you will be their sunshine.

"It is you and me against the world. You are everything for me, my flower, my castle, my sun, my moon, my world. Never leave me and I'll make you the happiest person in the world. We are in this together and I'll never abandon you. I'll be your lighthouse and guide you and you will be my candle in every unknown path of life. We are one and I can't wait until we marry and have children. I am sure they will have your beautiful eyes. We will me meeting soon, just trust your heart and let go of fear"

"She began now to comprehend that he was exactly the man who, in disposition and talents, would most suit her. His understanding and temper, though unlike her own, would have answered all her wishes. It was an union that must have been to the advantage of both: by her ease and liveliness, his mind might have been softened, his manners improved; and from his judgement, information, and knowledge of the world, she must have received benefit of greater importance.” – Pride & Prejudice

pile 2

I feel like your future husband has tendency to act rough and strong, even in moments where they just want to break down and hold onto softness. Strength and resillience become weary and too much of a weight to endure and carry after so long, especially after years of going through so many hardships, difficulties and even traumas. Your future spouse struggles with opening up, with letting someone in, with showing vulnerabity or even some form of weakness.

However, they are telling me, and this is the message for you, that you make them feel like they are safe and taken care of. You are the warmth in their coldest days, you make them feel secure and like they can finally lean on someone, like they don't have to go through everything alone. With you they will learn how to trust, how to break down their barriers, their fears, their deepest worries. They want to give you the world and will defend you and protect you from everything they want. They are definitely the type to be very bold and strong towards other, but a full sweetheart towards you and this is something that will greatly enrich your heart.

I feel like they are telling me that you will also be scared at first as you will feel as if they are going to break your heart. They can assure you they would not, they would rather the whole world ending than your love going away and they will stick to their words and promises. Trust your intuition always.

"The first symptom of true love in a man is timidity, in a young woman, boldness" – Les Miserables

pile 3

"If we have had many ups and downs, many struggles, many back and forths. I thought I would lose you for real, that I had truly messed up, yet we are here again. You are in front of me, in this altar, in this sanctuary of love, exchanging vows. You made me the happiest person in the world and I can only thank you for that. I am sorry for failing you like I did, I am sorry you had to see the worst parts of myself the way you did and if I could give you the universe to compensate you, I would.

I am glad we could meet again, be together again. I knew our hearts would always find our way back to each other. I saw you in my dreams, I remember you from past lives. Our love was destined and nothing that could have happened could have separated us or changed that. You are my angel, my salvation, my inspiration to become better everyday. You have a shine in your eyes that lights up my smile. Thank you for giving me another chance".

I do not think this is an ex (although, for a minority of you, it is possible). It feels more like someone who you will still meet, have a separation with and find your way back to each other eventually. They seem to have really learnt from their mistakes and will do everything in their power to show that to you.

"Good-bye, till we meet then—I embrace you warmly, warmly, with many kisses. Yours till death." – Crime and Punishment

#free readings #readings #free reading #free intuitive readings #intuitive readings #pac #pick a card #pick a pile #tarot readings #tarot reading #future spouse reading #fs reading #fs pick a card #fs pac #future spouse pick a card #future spouse pac

[pandoa]

it's the little things: II

the little things they do for you

~feat. octavinelle~ ~twisted wonderland characters x gender neutral reader~

~headcanons~ part 1│part 2│part 3

first part came out in september and i'm happy to come back to this lil collection~ enjoy!

floyd leech carries you like a potato sack everywhere you go. princess carrying? cute little piggy back rides? never heard of it! floyd only knows the potato sack carry, and the potato sack carry you will get. you could be taller or smaller than the mischievous eel, but he won’t care. he’ll lift you up with ease and a grimacing smile on his face as he giggles at the surprised look on your own. he’ll even run up to you at the most random of times where you’d least expect it, scoop you up into his shoulders, and run off to seven’s know where as your friends stare and deadpan at the way floyd seemed to carelessly glide through the halls with you objecting in the distance. 

"SHRIMMMMMMMPYYYYYYYYYYY~!!"

"Hang on tight, hehe, I'm taking you with me~!"

"Where? Oh, I don't know. I was just in the mood for running somewhere not here."

"And you're coming along!"

"Well, not like you had any choice, anyway. The way you're just dangling over my shoulder is making me kinda ticklish, haha~"

"Say... Even if I didn't scoop you up just now, you'd still come with me right?"

jade leech purposefully places things you commonly use on higher shelves just to make you call out to him for help. it’s not that he enjoys seeing you helplessly struggle. he just simply likes assisting you out of the graciousness of his own heart~ 

actually, who is he kidding, that notion was completely false. jade finds it quite endearing whenever he sees you, at first, unsuccessfully attempting to reach for a stray book or can of tuna that was placed a little too high for your taste. seeing your face twist in frustration as you rose up onto your toes and called his name made him chuckle at the strange adorableness of it all, so he began to put things around both your dorm and his a few shelves higher than usual just so that you’d give him that same pout of yours and ask for help. you haven’t caught on to him yet, so what was the harm? just don’t be too mad at him once you find out~

"Hm? What is it, Prefect?"

"You need... help reaching for that alchemy book on the highest shelf? Now, how did it get there, I wonder...?"

"Oh, don't give me that face... I am quite innocent here."

"Just stand back, (Y/n)."

"It will always be a joy for me to assist you."

azul ashengrotto adds your favorite foods to mostro lounge’s menu without you noticing. it could be the most robust food twisted wonderland has seen—or even the most simple one—yet azul will be caught shamelessly editing mostro lounge’s menu just to accommodate your taste buds. he says it’s to “add variety” to benefit business, but in reality he hopes that you’d pay the bustling restaurant of his a visit or two if he added a few pastries you’d like to eat. it’s not bribery if you don’t notice, yes?

"Oh! Prefect! Lovely to see you here today."

"Would you like to order something from our menu? Perhaps there'll be something you like."

"There are many drinks, some small pastries, a few appetizers... Hm? What is it?"

"Oh, that? My, that dish has always been here, (Y/n). Maybe your eyes haven't caught them yet, is all."

"I think I'd know my own menu, dear Prefect. Now..."

"Is that all you would like to order?"

a/n: imagining mostro lounge as a host club iM SORRY-

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst imagines #twst headcanons #twisted wonderland headcanons #floyd leech x reader #floyd leech #jade leech #jade leech x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul ashengrotto #♢the scribe♢

[shiyorin]

Mournival but they are your college roommate

No one asked it but I need to share that :v

Ezekyle Abaddon

Comes to school with a huge duffel bag and toolbox. When you ask what's in it, he just smiles and says "tools." You don't ask anymore.

Always blasting really aggressive rap/metal music super loud. His top jam is "Back in Black" by AC/DC on repeat.

Leaves his dirty laundry everywhere but his bed is always perfectly made with tight hospital corners.

You're pretty sure you saw him behind the wheel of a rusty black van late at night, but the school won't investigate strange disappearances.

Loves party games but is way too competitive. No one wants to play Mario Kart with him anymore after "the incident".

Constantly gets in fights at parties but never seems to get in trouble. Cops take one look at him and just shake their heads like "not dealing with this tonight".

Always standing shirtless in the room doing calisthenics. Claims he's cultivating mass but you think he's just trying to intimidate the RA.

Somehow accumulated the world's biggest knife collection despite the no weapons policy. Admin turns a blind eye for fear of their safety.

Tries to get you to join his intramural flag football team, the "Black Crusaders". They go way too hard and half the other teams have dropped out.

Somehow has a 4.0 GPA while seeming preoccupied with "more important things." Howwww.

Tarik Torgaddon

Brings way too much beer to your first Friday night dorm party. Claims "Bro always shares his drinks!"

Leaves practical jokes everywhere - who put googly eyes on the toothbrushes?!

Always trying to get you to join the campus meme lodge with him. "Come on, it'll be fun! We just post poorly photoshopped history professors, I swear."

Never cleans the mini-fridge. Wonders why mystery science experiments started growing in there.

Burns popcorn at 3am trying to make "late night snacks." Fires the fire alarm and you both get written up.

Steals your lounging spot in the common room to "hold court" and tell loud stories to anyone who will listen.

Hogs the bathroom for hours getting ready to "go out in style" on the weekends. Comes back drenched and you don't wanna know from what.

Leaves you in charge of the dorm when he goes home for breaks. Comes back to three keggers you "somehow forgot" to tell him about.

Somehow always tests positive for COVID right before big exams. You're 95% sure he's faking to get out of studying.

He's a really fun dude and always has your back. Gonna miss this guy after graduation!

Garviel Loken

He wakes up at 6am every morning to do pushups and calisthenics in your room.

Never seen him drink or party. That one time you tried to get him to come to a frat party he responded with "Nah bro I gotta hit the hay early, lifting at 6 am."

Tries to get you to join the campus military re-enactment club. Insists you could benefit from "some discipline and camaraderie".

Cooking? You thought you were the one making ramen but he shows up with a whole homecooked meal like beef wellington from scratch. "My friend Tarik taught me."

That one time the fire alarm went off at 3am? He carried you and your mini fridge down the stairs in one go."

Always does his dishes immediately after using them. Not one speck of food left. The clean freak we all need but don't deserve.

Super into his classes, always studying. You often find him making color-coded notecards at 3am under his desk lamp.

Somehow still finds time to join every club and sport. Is president of the book club, captain of the ultimate frisbee team, volunteers at the animal shelter on weekends.

Has a strict 9pm lights out bedtime. You've tried stay up late to play game but he just throws a pillow at you look and says "some of us have 6ams."

Somehow always has cute girls knocking on your door asking "is Garrie there?". The chad energy is real.

Horus Aximand

The second you meet him you're like "Woah this dude looks EXACTLY like the frat bro president."

Helps you move in but 'accidentally' gets protective plating mixed in with your clothes and snacks. Whoops!

Forms LARP club which is really just him and 3 (actually 4) other guys who are all as intense as he is.

Constantly blasting Sabaton songs from his speaker. Claims it's for "battle prepping" but we all know he just loves some power metal.

Bonding over late night games of Smash Bros while deep in the existential crisis of your freshman year.

Always wears matching sweatsuits with "Little Horus" embroidered on the chest. Claims it's his sport team uniform but you've never seen him play any sports.

Making you try all the experimental protein shakes he conjures up in the mini fridge. You're scared but don't want to hurt his feelings. So many regrets.

Finding mysterious used bandages around the room. He swears they're from "glorious battles" but they're really just from the intramural dodgeball games.

That one time the fire alarm went off and he tried to purge it with a flamer.

Always "forgetting" he can lift a textbook one-handed and showing off to the swole bros.

#shiyorin's writer #wh40crack #the mournival #ezekyle abaddon #tarik torgaddon #garviel loken #horus aximand #lol #college au

[evebestt]

Hi! alright? First I would like to say that I love reading all your fics. They're all amazing! Could you write some fic about a relationship between the reader and Farah where reader is a teacher and has a daughter and that daughter loves Farah's company and that makes the reader incredibly even more in love with Farah. Given this situation, she makes a surprise or something for Farah, I'm not sure... I don't know what else to say, sorry! I hope you understand hahahaha Thank you for your attention!

Hi hon! Thank you so so much for this prompt, I am absolutely enamored with it. I’ve always been such a sucker for kid fics, and then one with Farah too? Absolutely feral over it

I will say though, this one got long — as I haven’t done a kid fic for Farah yet I went a lot little overboard, both in length and the sheer amount of fluff in it. So if that’s right up your alley, then enjoy 🖤

Read here on AO3 or below. As always, send me an ask or a message to submit a prompt

Mothers and Daughter (1/3)

It had been love at first sight for Farah and Lucy.

You’d realized you needed a new job only weeks after your darling baby had been born, when your current job tried to wheedle you into cutting your maternity leave by almost half. After that particular meeting had ended, you called up your friend who worked at Alfea and asked (as she’d tried to recruit you before) if there were still any positions available.

Lucky for you, there were, and even luckier, you were hired on quickly by one Headmistress Dowling.

She’d been accommodating about your schedule once you told her you had a newborn, and so even though you were barely working part time (with an agreement to bump up to full time when your daughter was older), you were still given a faculty suite and full benefits, as well as free tuition for Lucy should you still be employed at Alfea at that time.

You got along nicely with the rest of the staff and quickly gained a good repertoire with your students, so when your three month review with Farah came around, you felt very confident it would go well.

Until the woman who was supposed to babysit Lucy that day called and canceled, leaving you with no other option than to bring her with you to your very important meeting with Farah Dowling.

Little did you know just how that would change everything.

You opted to carry her in your arms, knowing you could soothe her easier should she become fussy, and with one last silent plea that this go smoothly, you stepped up to Farah’s office.

“I’m sorry, Farah,” you said after you’d knocked quietly on her door jam. “Our meeting has been booked for weeks, but my friend who was supposed to babysit had something come up. I know it’s unprofessional of me to bring her with me, but—”

“Nonsense,” she interrupted, waving her hand to dismiss your apologies as she stood from her desk. “You’re a mother, I would never hold that against you.” 

Surprise and relief flowed through you at her nonchalance, leaving you a bit numb as you stepped into her office, Farah closing the door behind you. When she faced you again, she smiled softly down at Lucy, asleep in your arms. “May I see?”

You nodded, always happy to show off your girl. You slowly adjusted Lucy so that her face could be seen, and then watched in awe as Farah’s face relaxed into a brilliant smile, any lines or tension in her face draining away in a moment.

“She’s precious,” she murmured, and reached out almost on instinct to brush the back of her finger over Lucy’s cheek, lighter than a feather.

Lucy opened her eyes, despite the light touch, and you braced yourself for the cries of a baby cranky from being woken, but to your amazement she was quiet, staring up at Farah as she blinked somewhat owlishly.

Farah hadn’t asked, and yet you felt that it was right. You shifted her in your arms to hold her out to Farah, and she accepted without a word, carefully taking her into her arms and settling her onto her shoulder. 

She gave a low, cooing hum when Lucy continued to stare up at her. “Hello, little one,” she murmured, rubbing her fingertips in slow circles along Lucy’s back.

You watched them in awe for a minute, smiling to yourself when Farah began to gently sway. “She’s going through a phase where she gets a bit fussy when someone she doesn’t know holds her,” you told her, still staring in amazement. “She must be enamored with you.”

Farah chuckled lightly, still gazing at Lucy as though she was unable to take her eyes off her. “I do believe the feeling is mutual, little one.” She stared a moment longer, and then managed to glance up at you. “What is her name? I don’t think I know.”

“Lucy. Or, Lucille is her full name, but I mostly call her Lucy.”

“Lucille,” Farah murmured, reaching up to brush her finger over her cheek again. “A beautiful name for a sweet girl.”

She swayed and hummed for a few moments longer, and then shook her head a bit, chuckling. “As much as I believe I could stand here with her for the rest of the day, I suppose we should get to our meeting.”

You laughed and held your arms out for Lucy. “It is hard to get work done when there’s a baby around.”

“Oh, I do agree,” Farah said on a laugh before she handed Lucy back to you, but not before she cupped the back of her head one last time with such tenderness that it made your heart swell in sudden affection for her.

The meeting went well, though Lucy squirmed so much to get a look at Farah that you had to turn her to face Farah halfway through, something that made her laugh and lose her train of thought.

You both rose when it ended, and Farah came around her desk to shake your hand. Lucy still stared at her, so Farah ran her thumb down her cheek as a sort of goodbye before she looked back at you. “You said you had a sudden cancellation for your childcare today, yes?”

You gave a regretful nod. “Yes, unfortunately.”

“Does that happen often?”

You felt your heart jump into your throat, wondering if this would be the courteous yet firm request to make sure that didn’t happen again. “Uhm, no, I wouldn’t say often, but on occasion it does.”

She smiled kindly at you, shaking her head as she held out a comforting hand. “I don’t mean to worry you, no, I’m not upset that it does. Just…” an odd, sort of bashful look came over her features for a moment, and then she continued. “Just that I don’t want worry or stress about care for your little one to ever be a problem for you. So, should that happen again and you need a replacement, you’re always welcome to ask me.”

You nearly felt your jaw drop. “I—really?”

She nodded, and a bit of that bashful look came back again. “I wouldn’t mind watching her. I can’t always guarantee that I’ll be available, but if I am, I’m more than willing.”

You were still more than stunned by such a generous offer from the Headmistress of the school, but you managed to nod at her. “That’s—thank you, Farah, that’s a really wonderful offer. I might need that some day.”

Her features melted into a smile, and she gave you a nod. “Good. Don’t be afraid to ask.”

For the rest of the day, you thought about Farah. At first just about her offer, but soon your thoughts strayed into how good she’d been with Lucy, and then eventually (and more embarrassingly), they strayed into how good she looked, not just with Lucy but on her own, too, with her fine, regal structure and her small but gentle smile.

And by the end of the day, no matter what you did, your heart did a double beat every time you thought of Farah Dowling.

~~~~~~~~~

The next month went by as smoothly as it could when you worked with teenagers, and every day you found yourself more and more grateful that you’d decided to come to Alfea.

And then came the day when your babysitter had canceled two hours before you had to teach a class, your backup babysitter unable to make it, and none of your friends available for that hour.

Twenty minutes before the start, you finally started considering your option of Farah Dowling.

She had offered, and had seemed entirely sincere and willing. But that had been over a month ago, and you hadn’t really talked to her since, except for staff meetings and the occasional small talk in the hallway. Not to mention there was still a chance that she wouldn’t be able to, and there was still the little problem of the flutter your heart did every time you thought of her.

But it was either that or take Lucy to class with you, and while you weren’t against that in principle, you did have a fair number of fire fairies on your roster. Not that you didn’t trust them, but you had seen teenage magic in action before, and would rather not take the chance.

So with ten minutes to spare, you gathered up Lucy and her bag and started for Farah’s office.

Her door was open and she was at her desk — a good sign, so you stepped up and knocked on the door frame.

She looked up and smiled at you, which widened when she saw Lucy asleep in the carrier you held. “Someone’s tired — what can I help you with?”

“Ah, well,” you took a step into her office and gestured down to Lucy. “I have a class to teach in ten minutes and my babysitter canceled today. No one else has been able to cover, so if you’re not too busy, I was going to take you up on your offer. If you’re not, though, that’s alright—”

“I’m free,” Farah said simply, cutting off all of your placations. “I’m happy to watch her.”

The tension you hadn’t realized you’d been holding left you in a sigh, and you gave her a grateful smile. “Thank you so much, that’s such a huge help right now.”

She smiled, standing from her desk to come around and get a closer look at Lucy. “I have to admit I’m not entirely selfless in my offer — I think I could stare at her all day.”

You laughed. “And now you understand the plight of a working mother.”

You held the carrier out for Farah to take, and then set the bag down on her guest chair. “She’s been fed and changed, so she should just sleep through the hour, but if you need anything it’s in this bag. And as my boss you probably don’t want to hear this, but should anything happen I have no qualms about canceling my class in the middle if you need me here.”

Farah laughed and shook her head as she glanced between you and Lucy. “I would never hold that against you when it comes to your daughter. But we’ll be alright, and we’ll be right here when you’re done.”

You nodded, and swallowed past the familiar lump in your throat that came every time you had to leave her. “Okay, I’ll be back soon,” you said to Lucy as much to Farah, and then turned to leave, looking back one last time to see Farah staring fondly down at Lucy.

Your class went blissfully smooth, and though you knew Lucy was in good, safe hands, you couldn’t stop yourself from hurrying back to Farah’s office when the hour was up. And though you were going fast enough to nearly run straight inside, the sight you found had you stopping in your tracks.

Farah stood with her back to you in the middle of her office, Lucy fast asleep on her shoulder as she slowly rocked side to side, one hand cradling her close and the other holding the file she skimmed. You thought you heard her hum under her breath, a slow tune you could only catch snatches of, and that sent your heart fluttering in your chest, affection and warmth swelling in your chest until you thought it might burst.

You might have made a noise, for Farah turned suddenly, smiling reassuringly when she saw you at the door. “She’s alright, she was just a bit fussy in her seat. Just needed to be held, that’s all.”

You laughed, steadying yourself from another wave of affection with a hand on the door jam. “She’s quite happy right there.”

Farah chuckled too and looked down at Lucy, still asleep. “She is, isn’t she? I’ve never seen a baby so clearly just want to be held, nothing else. To wake up from sleep and not need food or a change, but just to have someone hold her while she falls back asleep.”

“She is a little cuddler.” You took one last moment to commit the scene before you to memory before you gently took Lucy from Farah, settling her comfortably into the carrier before you took the bag Farah handed you.

“I just wanted to thank you again for watching her.” When Farah tried to wave off your gratitude, you pushed on. “No, really. You’ve been so kind to me — to us, since the minute I arrived, and now with babysitting today, you’ve truly gone above and beyond what any other boss would do.”

The skin high on her cheekbones flushed lightly in pleasure, and the sight of it made you grin. “So as a thank you, can I make you dinner some night?”

~~~~~~~~~

You decided on that Friday, which luckily gave you some time to clean up your suite and go to the store. That didn’t mean you had to spend much of Friday after your class cleaning up the mess that had somehow accumulated between then and now, but you appreciated the theoretical head start.

Just before Farah was due to arrive, you did one last look through your suite, pleased that everything had managed to stay mostly tidy. With that, you picked up Lucy from her blanket on the floor and tucked the blanket away, then went about your sweep, murmuring to her along the way.

“I think we’re right on track here — the pasta’s almost done, and— oh, sweetie.” You looked down when you felt wetness on the front of your shirt to see Lucy spit up, staining your shirt and a bit of your hair. You cooed over her for a moment, reassuring yourself it was just a bit of upset stomach and not something worse, and then debated whether you should just use one of the kitchen towels to clean up or risk the time to go back and change.

And then came the knock at the door.

“Damn,” you muttered. Looked at the clock — six on the dot, of course she was punctual, and then down at Lucy. “I gotta hand it to you kid, you have impeccable timing.”

Resigned, you turned to the door and opened it to Farah, giving her a sheepish smile when her eyes first widened in surprise and then crinkled in sympathy at the sight. “Hi, Farah — I’m sorry, a bit of a situation came up just as you knocked. Uhm,” you looked behind you, took a step back, then looked back at her, flustered. “Come in, come in of course, I won’t make you wait out there.”

You waved her in as you shifted Lucy more securely in your arms. “Is everything alright?” she asked, looking concerned, and that same flutter you’d felt in her office rose up again.

“Yes, she’s alright, just unfortunate timing. Please, make yourself at home, there’s glasses and various drinks in the kitchen. I just need a few minutes to clean us both up.”

“If you’d like,” she said before you could turn away, “rather, if you’re alright with it, I can clean up Lucille so you can wash up.”

You paused, amazed that she’d offered. “I—really?”

She nodded, giving you a small smile. “I don’t mind. Just show me where the nursery is.”

Still a bit stunned, you showed her down the hall. “Her onesies are in here,” you said, opening the top drawer of a small, lilac dresser, “and wipes are over here by the table. I think that should be all you need? But if you can’t find anything just holler, my room’s right next door.”

“I think we’ll be alright,” she reassured, and held her arms out for Lucy when you shifted her. 

She held her so easily, like she’d been doing it since the minute she was born, that you had to stop and marvel at it, watching Farah smile when Lucy reached out to grab at her necklace. She looked at you then, smile still in place, and nodded towards the door. “Go change. We’ll be alright.”

So you did, as quickly as you could, first rinsing out your hair and restyling as best you could before stripping out of your blouse. You told yourself you chose your new shirt because it was the first one in your closet and not because it was a bit more low cut than the old one, but whatever the reason, it looked good when you pulled it on. You gave yourself one last once over, and satisfied, you went back to the nursery.

You found Farah bent over the changing table, Lucy — now in a giraffe onesie — on her back and babbling while Farah rubbed her belly. She spoke in a slightly higher pitch, what you figured was her baby voice, but she seemed to hold a complete conversation with Lucy, which made you bite back a laugh.

“She likes that,” you said after you’d watched them for a minute. “She’s very relaxed.”

Farah looked at you and smiled, then picked up Lucy and walked over to you. “When the children were this young, I know rubbing their bellies helped when they were sick.”

“It helps her, too,” you said nodding, and took Lucy from her arms when Farah shifted. “The children, do you mean…?”

“Sam, Terra, and Sky. I didn’t see much of Sam and Sky when they were this age, but when Terra was born,” an odd, melancholic look crossed her face, but she shook her head as though to clear it before you could study it. “Things changed, then. I ended up helping to take care of her much more than the others.”

You wondered what had changed, but didn’t want to push it, and instead said, “I knew you had to get your skills from somewhere. You’re amazing with her.”

She grinned then, a look you were realizing was rare for her, and gazed down at Lucy. “She’s also a very agreeable baby. I’ve rarely seen one happier than her.”

“Not with everyone,” you said before you could stop yourself. When Farah looked up at you curiously, you continued. “She’s happy, yeah, but not quite like this.” When Farah’s eyes softened and she looked back down at Lucy, your heart swelled. “I said it before, but it bears repeating: she’s enamored with you.”

Farah didn’t have to say anything — the gentle caress she gave to Lucy’s head said it all.

Before your eyes could well, you hoisted Lucy further into your arms. “Come on; if I haven’t completely ruined the pasta, dinner will be ready soon. Then I’ll feed her and put her down, and then we can open a bottle of wine.”

The pasta was only slightly overcooked and the chicken wasn’t burned, so you considered that a success, especially as you got to watch Farah bounce Lucy in her arms while you put dinner on the table. An even greater success was when Lucy ate easily and went down without a fuss, and when you came back to the kitchen, Farah had just piled the dishes in the sink, then turned and asked where your wine glasses were.

Your conversation flowed easily, even without a child at the center of it, and for that you were grateful. Lucy was your world, but sometimes it felt like people had to struggle to fit around what your life had become, and at times you felt guilty for that. But with Farah, it all just fit; everything from babysitting to the conversation you could hold over a glass of wine, it all felt perfect, and you realized that having her here left you feeling more content than you had in years.

“It’s nice having someone around,” you murmured at a lull in the conversation, then blinked, realizing you’d said that out loud. You hadn’t had wine in more than a year and it had gone straight to your head. “I mean, that is, it’s not that I don’t have anyone, I do.” 

You tried to backtrack while Farah looked amused, which almost made it worse. “But it’s different that just having a friend around — not to say that you’re not a friend, you are, at least I assume you are, but even when I’m here you still help with Lucy — not to say my friends don’t help with Lucy, they do, but it’s different—” 

You finally managed to shut your mouth before you said anything else embarrassing could come out, but you felt like the flush on your cheeks would be there permanently, especially when you thought you saw Farah stifle a laugh out of the corner of your eye. But then she reached out and covered your hand with hers, her thumb slowly stroking along the back of your wrist.

“I think I understand what you mean.”

Your head shot up at her words, and the look you saw in her eyes made your chest swell — there was affection, warmth, attraction, interest in her eyes, everything that you knew was mirrored in your own.

“I’m happy to be around, in whatever capacity you should need or want,” she murmured, her thumb still stroking your wrist. “Lucille is a darling, and I enjoy looking after her. And I’m rather fond of your company, too.”

Her words were light, but what she was offering, the sincerity of her feelings, made your heart melt. Before you could doubt yourself, you took her hand between both of yours and pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles, lingering there for as long as you could. When you opened your eyes, her gaze was warm and soft, and something passed between you — a tentative wish, a tender hope, a promise, true and sincere.

And so Farah, slowly but surely, became a fixture in both of your lives. She hadn’t been there for Lucy’s first word, but had been there for her first steps, a wobbly walk towards you as she clung to Farah’s fingers while you’d both cheered and laughed. She’d been there through ear infections and fevers, helping to rock, soothe, and comfort, and the first time your little girl had uttered a jumbled “Farah”, you thought she just might cry.

Though you couldn’t deny your feelings for Farah, nor hers for you, you were reluctant to give into them fully. She’d become such an integral part of Lucy’s life, and should something go wrong between the two of you, what would happen? And what kind of mother would you be if you were nursing a broken heart? It all scared you too much to think about, and so you did your best to keep yours and Farah’s relationship platonic as the months went by.

And then one day, after a week of grading midterms and nursing Lucy through a nasty cold, you came home with plans to cook a small dinner for you, Lucy, and Farah (as she ate dinner with you more often than not), and then go straight to bed.

You hadn’t meant to fall asleep on the couch — just meant to sit and rest for a minute. But your eyelids were too heavy, and your body too sore, and within a minute, you were out.

But instead of waking to a burning stove and a crying child, you woke to dinner neatly wrapped in the fridge, Lucy bathed and tucked into bed, and the mountain of laundry, which you’d been ignoring for some time, clean on the ottoman in front of you, half of it folded by the woman who sat across from you.

You blinked blearily, trying to gauge the time while Farah folded another shirt. “You did laundry?” you said, and cleared your throat when it came out a rasp.

She smiled at you, placing the shirt on the pile before picking up another one. “You’ve had a stressful week. I figured it was the least I could do while I watched Lucille.”

This woman, you thought as you swallowed past the lump in your throat, this utterly perfect woman.

She’d come expecting dinner, and instead had stepped up and taken care of everything while she let you rest. Emotion swelled in your chest, but this time you couldn’t just ignore it, couldn’t just let it go by with nothing more than a meaningful look.

Standing from your spot, you skirted the ottoman to sit next to Farah, merely taking the shirt from her hands, and when she gave you a curious look, you cupped her cheek and pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

She returned it just as softly, but when you parted your lips for her she deepened it suddenly, a warm hand coming to your waist and pulling you closer. You twined your arms around her neck, pouring everything you felt into the kiss, hoping she’d feel what you felt, that she’d understand a piece of your heart belonged to her, even if it had taken so long.

And she did. In what you thought may have been your own personal miracle, she did.

~~~~~~~~~

“Farah!” Lucy, two years old now, yelled as she toddled over to her desk. The woman in question looked up from her writing and smiled, standing to scoop her up into her arms.

“Hello sweetheart,” she said, her smile growing when Lucy threw her arms around her neck. “And hello to you, too.” She turned to you then, and you greeted her with a small kiss on the corner of her mouth.

“We’re a little early, but someone really wanted to see you.”

“Is that so?” Farah asked, and chuckled when Lucy nodded. “Well, how lucky am I, then?”

You grinned, then shouldered the bag you carried. “I have a couple classes back to back and then some meetings — you’re sure you’re alright to watch her for a few hours?”

She nodded. “Of course. I have a light day today.”

“Alright, then,” you leaned in and pressed a kiss to Lucy’s cheek, “bye, pumpkin.” You turned and pressed a kiss to Farah’s cheek, too. “I’ll see you later.”

Your classes went well, and while the meetings seemed to drag on, they were somewhat productive, and they’d given you the chance to talk to a few of your friends. But nevertheless, you were ready to get back to Lucy, and didn’t linger any longer than you needed to by the time they were done.

Farah was still writing at her desk by the time you returned, but the room seemed suspiciously absent of any signs of a toddler, making you frown and look around. “Where’s Lucy?”

She glanced up at you and nodded to the floor beside her, and you came around her desk to see Lucy sitting on the floor half underneath Farah’s desk, crayons and paper strewn all around her.

“Well, look at you!” you exclaimed, cocking one hip on the desk as she looked up at you, waving briefly before returning to her picture, and you smiled before turning your attention to Farah.

“Who knew Farah Dowling had crayons and paper in her office?”

“The children spent many hours here with their crafts when they were young, I had to be prepared.” she explained as though it was a tactical decision, but then she cracked a smile. “It’s almost a tradition at this point for a child to spend their afternoon coloring at my feet,” she said with a hint of pride, laying a hand affectionately on the top of Lucy’s head.

“Be as that may, and as sweet as that is, it’s been a long time since those kids were young,” you teased her gently, wanting to draw out what you suspected was the truth.

“Well, I may have replenished my stock of crayons and paper when you and I became closer.”

There it is, you thought, and had to stop yourself from swooning at the thought of Farah Dowling buying crayons for your daughter. “I ever tell you you’re perfect?”

“Never,” she said in a faux serious tone, making you laugh and lean down to press a quick kiss to her lips.

“Well, then, you’re pretty perfect,” you murmured, and you felt her smile against your lips.

Straightening, you looked down at Lucy. “Can you start cleaning up the crayons, kiddo?” you asked, and before you could say anything else, Lucy was turning to Farah with stars in her eyes, pulling on the hem of her skirt.

“Do magic, do magic! Please?”

You thought to stop her and insist she help clean up her mess, but the joy and excitement on her face was too infectious to stop, and she had Farah wrapped around her finger, anyway — there was nothing you could say to stop Farah from showing off.

With a barely contained smile, Farah’s eyes began to glow and she raised her hand in a graceful wave. The crayons scattered around the floor were sent floating into the air where they circled Lucy twice, much to her delight, before nearly settling themselves back into their box — organized perfectly by color.

Lucy giggled and clapped, making Farah chuckle, and you took another moment to admire the scene before you nodded at Lucy. “What do you say to Farah?”

“Thank you Farah.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart,” she responded warmly, and your heart fluttered the same way it had nearly two years ago.

You helped Lucy gather up her pictures before giving them to her to carry, then looked at Farah again. “I’ll see you tonight?”

She nodded. “I’ll be back by dinner.”

With that, you hoisted Lucy into your arms, and giving Farah one last kiss, started for home, Lucy waving bye the whole way out the door.

~~~~~~~~~

More nights than not, now, with Lucy’s third birthday just around the corner, you and Farah slept in the same bed. You admitted that you slept better with her around, and when you’d told her such, she’d simply smiled, then packed a bag and filled the drawer and closet you’d cleared out for her. So when you woke to find her side of the bed empty and the sheets nearly cool to the touch, you pulled on a robe and went in search of her.

In the hallway, you heard Farah’s low voice murmuring in the living room, and you crept over to the corner to peer in. 

And the love that swelled up at the sight was staggering.

She sat in the plush rocking chair you’d had since the day Lucy was born, the little girl curled up snugly on her lap. She rocked slowly, one hand gently running through Lucy’s curls, and though the girl’s voice was calm and quiet now, you could see the tear stains on her cheeks, her nose still red and runny from crying.

“It was scary,” you heard Lucy whisper, and Farah made a soft noise of sympathy.

“It sounds like it,” she murmured. “But do you know the thing about nightmares?” When Lucy shook her head against Farah’s shoulder, she continued. “They’re not real. They’re always scary in the moment, but when you wake up, you always see that they’re not real, and then you can think about all the nice things in the world—”

“Like horses and cupcakes?” Lucy interrupted, and Farah smiled down at her.

“Yes, like horses, and cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles, and how much your mama loves you, and how much I love you too.”

Tears pricked at your eyes but you blinked them away, not wanting to miss a moment. Lucy rubbed her face against Farah’s shoulder, burrowing closer, and Farah pulled her in, pressing a kiss to her head before her hand resumed its slow, gentle caress through her hair.

You lost yourself in just watching Farah rock, your little girl cradled safely in her arms. But even from there you could see her eyes getting heavy, her fingers losing their grip on the front of Farah’s robe, and she saw it too. Gathering her close, she slowly stood, murmuring something soft to Lucy when she stirred.

She saw you when she stepped towards the hallway, giving you a small smile over Lucy’s head. She murmured something to her again, and then Lucy opened her eyes, looking in the direction Farah nodded.

“Mama,” she cried, reaching out for you, and you took her into your arms, holding her close.

“Did you have a bad dream?” you asked her quietly, and she nodded into your shoulder. “Did Farah make you feel better?” She nodded again, and you pressed a kiss to the top of her head, rubbing her back. “Good.”

Lucy still clung tight to you, and so you took a moment to just hold her, swaying gently as you stepped closer to Farah, smiling when she reached out to rub her back with you.

“Are you ready to go back to your bed?”

Lucy made a noise that wasn’t quite agreement, but not quite refusal either, and you and Farah smiled at each other. “Well,” you started, and with an unspoken agreement you and Farah took a step towards her room. “Why don’t Farah and I tuck you in, and then you can decide?”

And so you did — Farah on one side, you on the other as you pulled the blankets up to her chin, murmuring words of love and wishes for sweet dreams. She was half asleep by the time you pressed a kiss to her forehead, and full asleep by the time Farah smoothed her hair back with a sweet smile, leaving you both to tiptoe towards her door, turning out all the lights except for the small lamp on her bedside. When you turned at the door to look back at her, you both paused just to stare at her, this little girl you both loved just so, and you were reminded for the millionth time just how lucky you were that Farah loved your girl, and that Lucy loved her too.

Wanting to memorize this woman beside you, you turned your attention to her, looking at her just in time to see her eyes fade from white back to dark, and you smiled, cocking your head in question. “What was that?”

It was hard to tell in the dim light, but you thought you saw her flush as she glanced from you back to Lucy. “I planted a good dream for her.”

Your smile widened, and you reached down to tangle your fingers with hers. “I didn’t know you could do that.”

“Though I can, I don’t make a habit of manipulating any part of a person’s mind. But… this seemed like a good exception.”

“I think so too.” You leaned into her and pressed a slow kiss to her cheek, nuzzling her with your nose. “You’re so good with her.”

She turned her head to bump her nose with yours affectionately. “I’m glad you think so.”

“I do, and I don’t just think, I know.” You wrapped your arms around her neck, resting your forehead on her shoulder. You’re as much her mama as I am, you thought.

And began to wonder just how you could show her that was true.

~~~~~~~~~

You woke to the quiet alarm you’d set, and quickly turned it off before it could wake Farah. When she didn’t stir, the excitement that had been brewing all week flooded through your chest, though it was tinged with a touch of nerves. It was hard to believe the plan you’d had ready for weeks was finally coming to fruition — and should it all come together, be one of the best decisions you’d ever made.

But Farah’s birthday was to start with you and Lucy making her breakfast, and that wouldn’t happen if you didn’t get out of bed.

It was still dark outside, the downside of the winter months, but you pulled yourself up to sit on the edge of the bed, grabbing your robe from the bedpost against the chill. But just as you’d tied the belt around your waist, you heard Farah stir behind you, and you turned to see her blink her eyes open.

It was astounding, sometimes, the love you felt for her — bleary eyed and bare faced, her hair long and loose, and she was the most beautiful woman you’d seen.

“Happy birthday, honey,” you murmured, and leaned down to press a kiss to her brow. “You should go back to sleep.”

She shook her head and stretched her arms above her head. “I can get up with you.”

Damn, you thought, and shook your head back at her. “No, just stay here.” 

She furrowed her brows in confusion at your insistence, and taking pity on her, you pressed another kiss to her forehead. “Don’t tell anyone, but we’re making you a birthday breakfast.”

Her face suddenly brightened with a smile. “Are you now?”

“Mhm,” you hummed, and couldn’t help smiling back at her. “And it’s a surprise, so pretend you’re asleep when we come and get you.”

“I think I can do that.” 

You gave her another kiss, but before you could stand, she grabbed your arm and pulled you back in, this time pressing a soft kiss to your lips. “I love you.”

Three simple words and you were undone. “I love you, too. Now go back to sleep.”

And grinning at each other, you crept out the door and towards Lucy’s room.

To your surprise, she was awake when you peeked in the door, and sat up bouncing when she saw you. “You said you’d get me when it was time but you were forever — are we gonna make b’eakfast?”

You stifled a laugh and nodded. “Yes, we are, for Farah’s birthday. But remember, we have to be quiet,” you said, putting a finger to your lips, and smiled when Lucy mimed you.

You were as quiet as you could be, which wasn’t terribly when a three year old was involved, but you couldn’t care less, not when you had your determined little helper — cracking eggs, dumping ingredients, and helping you to stir, she took her jobs very seriously.

Finally, when everything was ready and you’d set the table, you took Lucy’s hand and led her towards your bedroom. When you looked in, Farah was on her side facing you, and you bent down to whisper to Lucy. “Can you go wake her up?”

She nodded determinedly, and you watched her crawl up the bed, having to stifle a laugh at the way she draped herself over Farah, who made a valiant effort of pretending to be asleep.

“Farah,” Lucy whispered loudly, gently prodding at her cheek, and Farah cracked an eye, looking at Lucy before glancing over to you.

“There seems to be a possum on my shoulder.”

Lucy giggled, poking at her shoulder. “I’m not a poss’m!”

“No?” Farah asked, suddenly rolling as she scooped the girl up into her arms, her giggles only getting louder. “Then what’re you doing perched on me?”

“We made you b’eakfast!”

Farah gasped theatrically, and you thought your heart might burst. “You did? Why, how thoughtful! But what’s the occasion?”

“It’s your birthday!” she nearly shouted, throwing her arms in the air, and both you and Farah laughed.

“Well, it is indeed. Should we go have breakfast, then?”

Lucy cheered and scrambled off the bed, waiting impatiently as Farah rose. She’d barely tugged on a robe before Lucy grabbed her hand with both of hers, tugging her towards the kitchen. “Come on, come on!”

You were proud of the spread you’d made, but that pride only grew when you saw Farah’s face light up, studying it all with a look of awe. “All of this just for my birthday?”

“Only the best, darling,” you told her, and punctuated it with a kiss on her cheek.

You guided her to sit in her chair, where Lucy promptly crawled into her lap, pointing at the stack of pancakes you uncovered. “Mama cooked them, but I put the b’ueberries in, and, and I made the faces.”

“You did?” Lucy gave a proud nod of her head, and Farah smiled at her. “Well, you did a very good job, they look delicious. Will you share them with me?”

Breakfast was marvelous, not only for the food, but because it was the slow, lazy kind of morning with your family you rarely got to have, and you were going to relish it. Cups of tea sipped over a full plate of breakfast, your daughter and the woman you loved by your side, and nothing to worry about except for whether you should have another slice of toast or not. It was moments like these you knew you would cherish forever, and moments that told you the present you planned to give to Farah was absolutely right.

And you couldn’t wait any longer. As breakfast wound down, you reached out to wipe a bit of jam off of Lucy’s chin. “Why don’t you go get your present for Farah, pumpkin?”

“Okay!” She dashed off, and Farah gave you an amused look.

“I get presents?”

“Of course you do,” you told her, tapping her chin similarly as you had Lucy’s. “It’s your birthday, after all.”

The sound of little feet heralded Lucy’s return, and she crawled into Farah’s lap again before very seriously handing her a folded piece of paper. “I made you a picture.”

Farah melted as she unfolded it, giving Lucy an adoring look. “You did?”

Lucy nodded, then pointed to the figures she’d drawn one by one. “That’s you, that’s me, and that’s mama.”

You’d come to stand behind her chair as Lucy had given her the drawing, and now you bent down, wrapping your arms around her shoulders to give your present to her. “It’s a picture of her and her mamas.”

Farah snapped her head around to look at you, and after a moment her eyes widened in realization of what you were offering. “Really?”

You nodded, the same excitement and nerves from that morning bubbling up again. “If that’s something you would want,” you nodded again, unable to stop the smile spreading across your mouth, “I’m okay with it, and so is Lucy.”

“I…” she trailed off, at a loss for words, and then slowly she began to smile. “Really?”

You nodded again, sniffing as you felt a lump form in your throat, laughter of pure joy bubbling up next to it. “Will you be her mum with me?”

Farah let out a little laugh, her eyes bright with unshed tears as she nodded once, twice, then looked down at Lucy, who’d become preoccupied during all the talk. “Would it be alright if I was one of your mamas?”

“Yeah,” Lucy said, somewhat distractedly as she picked at the hem of her shirt, and then she looked up at Farah and grinned, suddenly wrapping her arms around her neck.

Farah let out a watery chuckle as she hugged her back, lingering a minute before she reached out a hand for you, pulling you closer, one arm still around Lucy. “This is… I—I can’t even begin to tell you.”

“I think I know what you mean,” you murmured, cupping her cheek, and realized she’d said those same words to you so long ago. “You’ve been her mama for a long time, Farah. You’ve been there for me and her since I first came here, and she’s been in love with you since the moment she met you — you’re our family, and you always will be. It was time we made that official.”

Tears fell over her eyelashes, and you tenderly wiped them away, feeling your own prick your eyes. It was more than just the title you knew, though that in and of itself was a momentous gift. It was the significance of it, though, of what it meant to your family, and what it meant for you and her. It was a promise, one guaranteed to last forever — it was an offering of life and love, thick and thin, good or bad, of unity and partnership and parentship.

It was a vow of ‘always’, of love and family for the rest of your days.

No matter what that might bring.

#if you saw a plot hole no you didn’t #also Farah’s a Capricorn change my mind #farah dowling #farah dowling x reader #ftws #fate the winx saga #eve best #i tried to take this in so many different directions it’s a bit of a mess 🙈 #but uhh if you look past that it’s still cute? #ftws fanfic

[yvesdot]

yves. 2022 Fiction Roundup

Before I post my 2022 Year in Review, I'd like to compile all the new writing I've posted up this year: over 77,000 words of it! (That's roughly the length of the first entry in a certain disgraced magic school series.) Catch up on what you missed, remind a friend, or simply bask in a year well-read—and, as always, tell me your favorites in the tags!

April

HOUSE RAINIER (Discord writing crawl; fulltext on Patreon) | 13K

THAT’S NOT HOW THE GAME WORKS.

A Camp NaNoWriMo choose-your-own-adventure game in which participants wrote words to unlock various options while staying with the Rainiers for the summer.

Exhaustively (new edit) (Patreon -> Tumblr) | 9K

“This is not an optional question. Are you speed-stacking in my house?”

Everyone's favorite novelette about a college student, a golem, and a bad memory.

May

Something Weird I Heard About Rebecca (zine -> Tumblr) | 1.7K

“When you get older you have to do sex with guys and shave your legs.”

Rebecca is not going to be a little girl when she grows up. She is going to be a vampire. (Brooke has some concerns.)

Kay/Atlas college AU (KAY fanfiction) (Tumblr) | 3K

It’s the barest kiss—a kiss completely naked, without accessories or fanfare.

What if Kay and Atlas were in college instead of canon... and they were both girls?!

July

softball gf + goth gf AU (KAY fanfiction) (Patreon) | 6.9K

This puts a sharp spear through Kay, a little reef fish.

What if Kay and Atlas were in high school instead of canon... and they were both girls?!

August

Paper Tigress (Tumblr) | 3K

“Really?” Vidalia asked. “That doesn’t pass the Bechdel test.”

A cynical transgender woman enters a reality competition show.

An Impossible Thing (The Left Hand of Darkness fanfiction) (Tumblr) | 1.2K

I may remove this from my account. No doubt it is inaccurate, if not openly disrespectful, and I am not sure myself that I intend for anyone to see it.

A missing, very intimate chapter from one of my favorite books.

September

The Locked Tomb fanfiction (Houses I-IX) (Tumblr) | 3.2K, 4.2K, 13K

You have always been mine, my burden to carry, my villain to fight, my girl to envy.

Nine fics featuring various AUs, alternate paths, and ships.

October

Hallowdrabble 2022 (Tumblr) | 3.1K

“Oh, yes!” Mel had forgotten that the patch would have purchasable pumpkins. Perhaps primarily, per pumpkin patch particularization.

Mel and Jenny of Something's Not Right fame go to the pumpkin patch!

December

The Scar (Patreon -> Tumblr) | 750

Maybe that's my problem.

Horror flash piece about bystanding an abusive relationship.

Tragic Accident (Patreon -> Tumblr) | 650

I'm sorry for his loss. I'm sorry for mine, too.

W + transgenderism + girl in the walls haunted house flash fiction.

Long Line (yvesdotafterdark) (18+) | 14.5K

“You always come when I call.”

Two girlgamers start a long distance relationship, with many benefits.

THANK YOU for another beautiful and successful year of reading and writing together! I can't wait to see what we get up to in 2023.

#txt #important writing updates #2022 #fiction roundup #2022 fiction roundup #writers on tumblr #writing on tumblr #writeblr #wtwcommunity #writeblr promo #I happen to be very near a milestone so hey if you're interested in getting your writeblr moots caught up...

[chaosangel767]

For the Kingdom Chapter 1

Summary: The only Princess of Rhodolite, Mercia Michael is content fluttering around the castle. But that changes when a letter is received from Obsidian. In order to prevent war there, she must marry Gilbert. Raising her head, she takes on the new challenge, this is For her Kingdom.

Pairing: Mercia Michael x Gilbert von Obsidian

AN: Finally finished this chapter. This has been a story where I know what I wanted to happen, but getting there was not coming to me very easily.

Tagging: @toloveawarlord, @thewitchofbooks

Ring.

The bell at the bookstore breaks through the silence, the woman entering like she didn't want to be seen. Lowering her hood, sky blue eyes take in the shop. 

"Emma? Rio?" She catches her breath before speaking the names, looking for her friends. Walking towards the register, her eyes can help but trail over all the books. 

"Mer?" Emma appears out of the back room, her honey brown eyes lighting up when she sees her friend.

"It's me" Mercia spins around, her blonde locks following her twirl, the less fancy gown she is in allows her more movement. 

"Skipping work again?" Emma teases, brushing her hair over her shoulder. 

"Ahh you caught me" Mercia fake pouts, the banter making her light up.other than with her brothers, no one sp openly banners with her, afraid of her reaction. Being  the only princess, she has always hated the strict formalities and how everyone walks around on eggshells around her. This bookstore is her escape, the only place her royal status isn't taken into account.  The sound of books hitting the counter pulls Mercia from her thoughts. 

“I set these aside for you, I know how much you love your romance novels” Emma giggles, watching Mercia shift through the book titles. None of the books look familiar to the Princess, some of them carry foreign titles that make her fingers itch in excitement. Brushing her golden locks over her shoulder, her fingers trace the golden title of a book. 

A Mortal’s Heart 

The writing was so beautiful. Placing her favorite bookmark in the book, she makes a note to show her brother it later when they are reading. Laying a bag of coins on the counter she grins at her friend. 

‘Thank you Emma, I’ll take them all” Her eyes look over the titles again, a few intriguing her, ut not quite striking her a romance novels

“I slipped a couple of mystery books in there” As if reading Mercia’s gaze, Emma offers an explanation, bagging the books carefully. The back door opens and a figure joins the two girls up front. 

“Hey Rio, bumming around the shop?” Mercia teases, watching the flush bloom on the man’s face, while Emma giggles. Warmth fills the Princess’s soul, this is what it means to have friends. Everyone she knows is either some high ranking nobe, befriending her for their benefit, or a servant, bowing their heads and not really opening to the little princess. 

“Ohh I also found this one and wanted to give it to you-” Emma disappears briefly into the back, before coming out with a paper wrapped book. Mercia’s gaze zeros in on the book and she takes it in gentle hands. Opening the package, the heavy book reveals itself as a large gardening almanac. 

Plants of every type from around the world, vegetables, herbs and flowers all have a page. Growing instructions, nutrient needs and all sorts of other gems are hidden in the book. Forgetting about her surroundings, her fingers flip the pages, smelling the age rolling off the book. Shutting the book and holding it to her chest Mercia looks up with an excited gaze. 

“I’ll treasure it” she promises, carefully putting it on top of the pile. Emma’s gaze smiles at the woman. 

“I know, that is why I am giving it to you. Now you should head back to work, someone may be looking for you” Emma scolds and Mercia sighs heavily. Just as quickly as her responsibilities were pushed from her head, they come crashing back. She knows Emma is right and it is almost time to head back. Apparently there are Princes coming tonight and she has to look her best.

“I’ll come see you guys soon” Excusing herself from the duo, throws her hood back up and exits the store, heading for an alley.  She walks a well worn path between the buildings till she stands in front of Lucius. Leaning against the wall, he waits for the princess to exit the bookstore, finally standing to attention. 

“You know, after all these years, you would know to not leave without me” He scolds her, as soon as she is in earshot, taking the books from her. 

“I wanted to escape for a little bit and I can’t go see Emma and Rio with a bodyguard, they will just find out.” Mercia sighs, falling in step with Lucius as they head back for the carriage. He helps her into the carriage before pressing the matter. 

“I know you don’t want them finding out, but it is only a matter of time before they realize who you are.” He starts and Mercia glares at him, not wanting to think of the possibility. 

Anyway, your brother was asking for your presence at lunch” Sensing the Princess’s souring mood, Lucius steers the conversation, watching her movements to gauge her mood. 

“Did you get in trouble?” Her eyes worriedly dart over to him, a tinge of guilt coursing through her body. Lucius shakes his head. 

“I told them you were getting ready to go to town. When we get back you have to meet with Prince Chevalier about your escort tonight. Prince Yves was looking for you as well, something about a tea party and getting you ready for the ball” Lucius catches her up on her brothers and she nods. 

“Alright, I will go change back into my palace clothes and find Chevalier, I need to show him my new books anyway.” A smile spreads across her face, her hand resting on the  bag next to her. She knows her bookworm brother would find at least one book worth stealing from her. 

Once they are back at the Castle, Lucius escorts her back to her room, letting her change into her palace clothes before helping her tame her golden curls. His fingers are gentle as he brushes her hair, weaving in a few white roses. 

“Alright, let's go find my brother” Mercia spins around in the mirror, admiring the braids Lucius had added to her hair and enjoying the flare of her lavender dress. Holding her new gardening book close to her chest, she beams up at Lucius. 

“As you wish Princess” Offering his arm like a proper guard, he escorts her out to the gardens. Seeing Chevalier in the distance, she slips her arms from Lucius’s grip, hurrying to his side. Arms coil around her waist as Lucius lets out a shout behind her. 

“Watch your step now Pixie, I don’t want you getting hurt”

#ikemen Prince #Ikepri ocs #Mercia Michael #For the Kingdom #I love this story #Who called her Pixie?

[valerielynnstephensauthor]

SOPHIA'S BOX:

More Trinkets of Wisdom

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or introduced into a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means (including electronic, photocopying, mechanical, manual or otherwise) without the prior express & written consent of the owner of the copyright of this book.

©2023 Valerie Lynn Stephens

ISBN: 978-1-312-30510-6

I used to think that all of the traumas that we have endured, against which we have in some cases managed to hone into higher aptitudes & virtues of character, were a necessary part of that equation. But maybe they are not. It begs the question as to whether or not those who did not experience the horrors & the inflictions that survivors of all types of abuse have endured, could develop those things to the same degree.

Perhaps those who received the proper nurturance of their developing personalities & gifts in much more consistent & healthier ways, rather than deliberate interference at every impasse like survivors of emotional abuse, also demonstrate brilliance in each their own ways.

I suppose that survivors do have the benefit of that deeper sentience & awareness which aids in more transcendental artistic modes which non-survivors may not have access to. A lot depends upon the individual choice to take up one's own cross of self-examination & actualization in more productive ways, whether a survivor of systematic abuse or not.

All in all, I think that our trauma can, if we apply it in this direction, sublimate some of the more deleterious & destructive tendencies which survivors of all types of abuse are left to battle day in & day out. But I also believe that even those who have not experienced some of the more serious forms of abuse nevertheless carry trauma of some variation or another within their psyche just by virtue of being human in an evil & persistently injurious world.

In the end, it is pertinent that we just remain focused upon each our own given lot & self-actualization so that we can, no matter what we have or have not endured, become the most well-rounded version of ourselves that we can be in order to contribute best to the collective. This, is our highest honour & deepest calling.

*

If only we could stop recreating each our own living Hell in order to feel some semblance of illusory control over that of our own fates, could we see that Heaven is already & always, therefor the taking, here on earth, in each & every precious moment.

*

Whether we are living to die, dying to live, or just trying to make the most if it all, Life is a precious darn gift for which I am immensely grateful. Period.

*

Some of us revel not in the sweet-throated harmonies of the nightingale, yet wait with eager ebon ears for the dissonant cry of the crow's undaunted projections.

*

Get rid of excess stress.

Take off some weight; don't procrastinate!

*

We would do well to let our hearts be our mind and reserve for that reasoning organ, the Intellect, the task of minding the heart only when it has forgotten its true purpose, only when it has forgotten the logistics of its own inherent existential geography.

For the answers are always there within us.

*

God created it all and saw that it was good. He still thinks so, and that includes both YOU, Me & Everyone else. As within, so without.

*

Shall Eternity be thicker than Time-why must we feel so betrayed?

*

We humans need actual and regular physical contact in order to bond with people and to meet our deepest social needs. That explains a lot of the dissatisfaction and psychosocial frustration that we experience in relation to online social media forums. After all, we can't really fault ourselves for not feeling an adequate upsurge in oxytocin and vasopressin when fondling a keyboard and gazing longingly into the dim glow of a computer monitor!

*

Sometimes we feel the joy well up from deep within us, only to quickly beat it down with the highly flammable fabric of Suppression, or, worse yet, Repression, of course only seeking to craft a kindling device with even more incendiary reserves.

And the uncertainty which holds us to it is a matter which may consume us if we heed it not. For that fire stoked by the friction of resistance to Life's rite of initiation into the membership of Faith & Obeisance, is one so fierce that it burns either way.

But what is it that incites the anguish of Man? Perhaps it is not the ominous presence of some demonic-force, but perhaps it is undeniable propinquity of the Seraphic. For only the beaming face of the love & hope of those things transcendent, divine and yet wholly elusive can so rile one human entity to such Madness & profligacy.

But before all this? Before all of what we now experience & can know, had we the foreknowledge of Heaven & Hell?

Is the mortal's longing for Heaven & yet irresistible pull towards a Hell of his own creation the trailing afterbirth of worlds pre-existently intuited & perhaps even lived?

*

Temporary self-restraint begets less permanent self-reproach.

*

And so the human organism will undergo gradualism, as old traits no longer self-preservatory are phased out day by day by the absolute laws of Spiritual Evolution-that which will defy all Logic as it proves one day that what goes up cannot come down.

*

I am always grateful for any persecution or trial that is brought my way, because it not only grounds me in myself & in the truth, but it reminds me of who I really am & of why I do what it is that I do. False projections onto us by others merely sharpen the Truth by contrast. This is why it is wise to get to know oneself inside & out, but especially inside. This is also why it is important to be consistent with oneself & to live with integrity inasmuch as is humanly possible. The word "Satan" in Hebrew translates as "adversary" or "enemy". The word "Ha-Satan” also translated to "the accuser" in Hebrew. Therefore, we can take comfort in the Scripture & allow it to guide us towards these goals of personal integrity & self-respect in that we may be strengthened by adversity & persecution rather than defeated by it. Ephesians 6:11-20 is a great reference point for this.

*

No more of this: Head over Heart! No! No! Heart over Head! Nonsense. We have both & we should strive to develop both to the best of our intentions & abilities.

*

Keeping a disciplined & vigilant mind's eye on Eternity, as we wrestle with Temporality, is perhaps the noblest & most sweepingly epic quest of humankind.

*

Malfeasance includes all forms of violence: social, physical & psychological.

*

Sensations of pain seize more than those of pleasure,

For the mortal human mind,

Rarely ceases to find,

The seaweed before the treasure.

*

For all of us who have survived abusive & neglectful homes, this Scripture can be of tremendous comfort & strength whenever we need it: "Though my mother & father forsake me, the Lord will receive me. " (Psalm 27:10) This reminds us that our earthly parents may have the power to uplift or to wound us, but also that our Heavenly Father can heal & redeem us. It is in Him alone, that we have everlasting Peace, Joy & Wholeness.

Jesus' name be praised! Amen!

*

There is no "me" that you can ever pin down.

I variate fluctuate with the tides of each precious moment, each breath, each & every heartbeat.

And it is only in these moments, in transition, that I am at my most true, my most exultant.

Force a rigid mask onto me you may never see me again.

To not let a self be is an unregistered, bonafide crime of which we are all guilty.

Yet this is why striving to be one's truest & highest self be is an unmerited act of exceptional Courage & Nobility.

Strive for truth, always & Heaven on earth will be yours.

*

"Easy" builds not a stairway to Heaven, but an escalator to Hell.

*

Let the masks you must wear still represent a part of you.

*

Satan seeks to focus people's attention on the here & now rather than on Eternity.

That is why John 2:17 reminds us that this world shall pass away forever someday, yet those who do the will of the Lord in Heaven shall abide in His Kingdom forever.

Thus Satan seeks to achieve his purpose by changing our priorities (self first), & our perspective (here & now more important), when God should always come first, & the hereafter, remain our main focus & guide during our worldly wanderings.

*

Transcendence is a slow taming of Inertia by an inside force.

*

Within the East Indian school of thought called 'Jainism', there is a theory called the 'Jainist Theory of Manifoldness ' which I have always held dear. This philosophy follows what in Sanskrit is called 'anekantavada', or the 'not-one-sided-doctrine'.

Furthermore, this theory is predicated upon a principle of mental non-violence towards objects & subjects) in contemplation. To clarify, it recognizes the manifoldness or complexity of every existing entity, & believes that such entities are violated through the reductionistic approach often taken towards them in order to understand & classify them.

The term 'ekanta' describes these singular, absolutist predications. This theory was based on Mahavira 's teachings, & also extended to a respect for the manifoldness not merely of 'objects and subjects', but of variant ideologies & thought-systems themselves.

*

To everything there is an irrational explanation.

Leave room in your life for some mystery!

*

Beyond Chronos lies Aioniótita.

Plan for both.

Live for both.

*

A recovering Soul's awakening must be well-paced,

'Tho no measure of convalescence, its full burden, can erase.

*

Isn't it endlessly exasperating how those who least deserve it or have earned it, steal the spotlight from those who truly do & have?

But some fine day, we, too shall have our glory.

Hang tough, ye heroes unsung.

*

There will never be a time when our motives towards another person who has wronged us will be untainted by a need for "putting them in their place", etc. It is an intractable part of our human nature to begin from a place, when we have been wronged, of retribution, whether of the aggressive or of the passive-aggressive variety.

But thankfully, the Lord our God is not limited by our human failings! As long as we defend ourselves in the face of some kind of persecution & then leave the rest to God, we are pardoned for our human weaknesses & limitations.

But, if we don 't defend ourselves (if we feel it necessary) & then 'get out of the way' we run the risk of further perverting the course which God has plotted for both ourselves & the other person.

*

We are often a stranger to others.

Be not, therefore, a stranger to yourself.

*

In our world today, idolatry has assumed many more forms. We are guilty of idolatry whenever we place other things before God. God tells us in 1 John 5:21: "Little children, keep yourselves from idols. " Indeed, we are the precious offspring of our righteous Heavenly Father, who wants the best for us. His intentions are always right and always honorable. Praise God for His protection and benedictions over His people!

*

The standard definition of "Existentialism" is the study of being, or as it's called in academic parlance, "ontology. " It is theorized that the possession of freedom of will creates a state of anxiety in man. Yet for me, 1 think that it runs much deeper than this. Existential angst, & dread are caused not so much by the awareness of freedom of will itself, but rather, by a keen sense of the fact that we must make our way in a world that we know will merely seek to thwart the proper & full actualization of each our own moralistic & ontological responsibilities at every impasse. Our utmost terror is thus, not in the possessing of freedom of choice, but in the higher knowledge that we are made exposed & are, for the most part, abandoned by this world in which we must both survive & thrive, no matter what choices we ultimately make.

*

I think that we are afraid to soften because we might break.

But it is the hardened vessels that are the most fragile.

*

The way of the serpent is not clearly understood by those who evade the jungle.

Release the vipers upon the trembling tendons of thine enemies, they will strike at the hand with the surest inclination.

*

Progress has its limitations. We cannot escape the human predicament. In a sense, this revelation has its comforts more than its inflictions. For with this being known, we are free to follow whatever path we choose, knowing now, that it will continue to lead us to the same place, no matter which road we take. It also serves to relieve our consciences by reminding us that we are not even the problem, & thus we need not seek to 'fix' it, whatever our current sufferings might be. We must merely accept things as they are. We must merely continue to make the most out of the human condition that we find ourselves in. Now that, is in our purview.

*

Speak uniquely, yet clearly to all.

*

Savagery, in actuality, resides often within Civility, or rather, within the heart of the socially engineered Beast. It is also a force external which enters into our minds, to confound us to our truest state of inherent Grace & Wholeness when in full surrender to our Creator & Sustainer God.

*

At some point along the way we are forced to ask: What price, progress? Or will we just continue to digress in infinite regress? Have to continually confess in excess, for those issues we painstakingly fail to efficiently address in a dawning new age where we are more & more taught how to overdress beneath the tedium of specious politesse? How much longer will we escape the dire consequences of our sins? We must let the ailing present pass, before we are to ever become ready to be born again to renewed health & vigor. For this mortal incarnation is not a test of the Reasoning Intellect, but of the Earthbound Spirit.

*

The prospect of Joy's inevitable annihilation, time and again throttles the mind full-force forth unto the cold, void cosmos of pessimistic premonition & ponderance.

*

People can be judged pretty accurately by only two criteria:

1. How they treat their fellow human beings.

2. How they treat their fellow human beings.

*

In some instances, one may not use what is deemed "proper" syntax, punctuation, spelling or grammar. However, it is more important to focus upon the intention behind those words. For example, someone may write and/or say: "l will love you for ever and ever." Speaking from a strictly "technical" standpoint, the use of "for ever and ever” is a tautology. However, can see the intent to most truthfully & passionately express this feeling of devotion to the other person behind the choice to use the tautology. This is much like the grammatical & even syntactical methods used in genres of linguistic expression such as Poetry, whereby it is not merely about technique is but also about the feelings, sensations & imagery which one is attempting to sublimate from within themselves & to share with others in a genuinely prosocial way. Not to muddy the issue with "religion", but there is a biblical Scripture which even uses a tautology. "(...) be to our God for ever and ever. " (Revelation 7:12) Thus, tone & message are also keys to effective communication.

*

The purpose of life is quite simple.

To live. To learn. To evolve ever upward & on!

*

The Keys to Eudaimonia open two doors: those of Humility & Gratitude.

*

Sometimes in relationships, we realize that we have actually been carrying most of the load. Wholesome relationships must be rooted in a foundation of reciprocity & consistency. Otherwise, we may just be 'enabling' the other person to abuse the good faith that we have been extending to them. And this is ultimately not optimal for the health & well-being of either parties.

*

God isn't a tyrant; the devil is an opportunist.

*

Anarchists are not all villains. Some are heroes. It's all about context. If the system one rebels against errs on the side of Evil, then the "revolutionary" or deemed "anarchist" is on the side of Good-and thus, is more of an angelic figure than a demonic one.

*

Try to use words as a shield rather than a sword.

*

Transcendence is and has been, all along-

right here, right now.

*

Sometimes Eternity is weighed in most measurably upon the wings of a singular moment.

*

'Tho the outward adornments of modern man may have evolved inform, his inmost entity remains unchanged.

*

The Erstwhile is meticulously and faithfully crafted by the prolific potter of Antiquity, as the Forthwith revels in them both.

*

What people of a more "worldly" mind might perceive to be "passivity" is often, in fact, not as it appears on the surface. Those people who are more "metaphysically-minded", if you will, are very aware of just how powerful remaining resistant to acting (especially as it regards "evil impulses") is. This choice to remain what the more worldly-minded might deem "weak" is indeed accomplishing very significant things, albeit on a more metaphysical level. Like the old adage 'There is power in silence', when it comes to the urge to "wimp out" as they might see it, in the face of another person 's wrongful action(s) towards us, we actually have very sound reasons for our misperceived "timidity!" We are often remaining inactive so the higher forces of good may be fully employed & engaged without our fallible (& often deleterious) human interference. And let me tell you, resisting one's baser human impulses takes true strength & courage. There is nothing "wimpy" about it!

*

A light year is 5.88 trillion miles long. Our healing & progress may seem "light years" away, but with the Lord, "a day is as a thousand years." (2 Peter 3:8) And the Lord can travel "superluminally" (faster than the speed of light). (1 Timothy 6:16) "He (Christ) alone who is immortal & lives in unapproachable light." Never give up on yourself. Our God is Great.

*

In the beginning of the end, the bureaucratic jungle was declared null and void, Final judgment was upon the face of the earth and man still made God. And the more we hid, the more we were revealed. Total darkness descended and we were at our most enlightened, flailing and floundering about in our own separate chaos and peace. A light switched on without warning, starkly illuminating the damp, dark, festering crevices of our duality-bound entity. Love was great for Time was short and variant wrath remained unsurpassed. And in order that we could love we had to die, and be resurrected, stillborn to life. And we finally knew who and what we were. And what we had not been was the cause for thunder.

[shiningstaroffaith]

I cannot stand my life right now. I do not know who really loves me and wish I had someone to see and support me.

I just want to feel like myself and normal, as an autistic verbal communication is so difficult for me. I bet I am expected to be good at it but it is not like I feel seen or like I matter in any other way either or respected. People are so difficult and such snobs. Like I just do not get even creative people how they can just be so egotistical and think they are so much better than me and others. Anyone who truly sees me and is able to love me for me and does not make me carry the weight of their problems is someone i truly need in my life. It is true it is hard to try to listen to other people's trauma when you have so much of your own that has never felt seen, I am a cheerful and positive soul and I do not like hearing about people's problems all the time, they need a counsellor not me. It does not always feel like people are grateful for me when I do.

And at the end of the day my life just feels about giving yet I do not feel given to. I do enjoy giving but I am not some mammal with no feelings or pain, I am an autistic. So no I am more than a giver, I am a human with a personality who had needs to, if is nice when people understand and appreciate how much pain it takes to be me. When people do not benefit it feels like I should blame myself or something but lately everything has been vile.

Also I am more than my appearance. My appearance is one small part of me. I am a human with a personality and I actually am an outcast but outcasts need love as much as anyone and also I love normal things anyway like warm drinks by fireplaces and camping and track pants and comfortable sweaters and just hanging around with others and playing games and watching movies and being normal. Something I have never had a chance to be. I love in bed with books and could read for days. I love having people around who love me, support me and build me up. I love the 'simple' life. Of simple pleasures and going outside feeling the wind on your face, dancing in the rain, walking along the beach, going to a Cafe and reading a book or magazine, looking through bookstores, maybe doing a regular job. Laughing and sharing food with family. Celebrating Christmas and putting out decorations and being mainly around home just with loved ones doing fun activities and having privacy.

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

5/3/2023 DAB Chronological Transcription

Psalm 106 - 107

Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible Chronological, I'm China. Today is the third day of May, welcome. So good to be here with you today. Today, have you ever had those days where you're like, I feel like I could sleep all day and still that wouldn't be enough sleep for me. Maybe that's just confessions of a pregnant woman, but it it I truly am like, wow, I need like a hibernation just to rest. Just to sleep. That's it. But humans don't do that. Thank God for coffee and for vitamin B twelve, amen. Amen. Anyways, today we are reading in the book of Psalm. We are in Psalm 106 through 107 and this week we are in the English Standard Version. Commentary

So today we're going back, we are going way back to the times of Moses and the times of the Israelites and Moses delivering them through God. God delivering them through Moses, I should say, and all of his wondrous works and wonderful deeds and how the Israelites choose everything but God and then kind of have this moment of turning towards him and turning away. The story is very familiar. The Bible does a great job of recalling this story. It's deeply embedded in our heads by this point, right? Like, we know this story, we know what happens. We understand that the Israelites were unfaithful people, that they were more trusting in something that they created with their own hands than something that had created them and led them from a place of, led them out of a place of captivity and into freedom. And so today David's words are they're so beautiful because it talks about kind of the both parties in this relationship, who the Lord is and what he has done and then who the Israelites are and what they have done. And we find ourselves in this story so many times, whether we want to admit it or not, whether we personally have forgotten the Lord's deeds or what he has done for us or we've forgotten his benefits or his character, is that his attitude and heart towards us is kind and is good. Or we are believing that we can do something in our own strength or that we got it for good. We can trust what we have created to carry us and to idolize and we just constantly see that that doesn't work. And I love that there's so many different reminders of this story and because there's so many different generations that are unfolding that are being created that we have read through already and still so much more to come. And yet these stories are being passed through. And I think that it's so important because this tells of who God is. It's not to forever harp on the Israelites. I don't think maybe it is a story of like, choose wisely, understand that you are choosing something and be aware of your choices and honor the Lord and your choices. And I think it's also, this is who God is. He's not a God who's going to get mocked. He's not a God who is going to just sit by and let his people run over him. He's a God who cares for his people, who cares for his creation. And he's a God who knows when enough is enough. He understands the human mind, the human heart, the messiness of it, and he's in relentless pursuit of it. I love that we get to see David's perspective and his words that are echoes of things that we have already read, but it's still so good and important to remember these things again. Not to forever harp on the Israelites and be like, man, these people really got it wrong. But also to remember who the Lord is. Because I think that helps build our relationship with the Lord in remembering that he is a God who is kind. He's a God of endless mercy. He's a God of steadfast, love, kindness, and who would constantly choose us again and again and again and who is a God who knows how to father, knows how to parent and knows how to do it well. Sometimes being discipled, having discipline hurts. It doesn't always feel good. But this is the good news of who God is and how much he loves his people and that he has structure and that he has an understanding of what he's doing. Gosh, how hard would it be to follow something or someone when you don't actually even really know how they're going to be today or you don't know their character? And so I think that's why it's so important that we are reading these stories, these testimonies years and years and years and years generations later, so that we can account to who God is and his character. So that when we forget or when others around us forget, we can say, hey, man, that's not true. I know that that feels true. So get it. I've been there. And to also be like, listen, this happens in the Bible. And if it's true, and I believe it is, that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, then we can share like, man I've been there too. I remember that I empathize, I get it. I'm so sorry. And I think it's important that we believe the truth. It's important that we remind ourselves of the truth. I think it's important to remind you of the truth and just to go through that because there's so much value in that. Prayer

So Father, I thank you for your word. I thank you for the Psalms today that we read and how it recalls us all the way back to what we have read from the beginning of this year. And Lord, I pray that it would just continually stir something in us of understanding your character and knowing who you are and how much you care for us and how much you love us and also just your character and who you are. And Lord, I just thank you that we get to know you more and more each and every single day. I pray that we would desire hunger and thirst to know you more and more each and every single day. It's in your name we pray, amen. Announcments

Dailyaudiobible.com is our website. That's the place of connection where you can see what is going on here in the community, how to get connected and stay connected. Be sure to check that out. If you have prayer requests, you can call those in at 800-583-2164. If you listen through the app, there's a way that you can record your prayer requests through there as well. And they get sent in and played at the end of every day's podcast. That is all for today. I'm China, I love you and I'll be waiting for you here, tomorrow. Community Prayer Line

Good afternoon, family. This again is Theo calling in from Portsmouth, Virginia. I usually doesn't call in a lot, but today pressed upon my heart to call for our family member, the individual, I can't remember her name, but she went through a divorce. Went through a divorce and she's going through a divorce right now. And Lord God, I just want to encourage her to keep her Heavenly Father to know that God is with you. I went through a divorce going on five years now, but in the midst of it all, I know God is in control and continue to have that peace upon you and continue to pray. Pray for your ex husband and also the mistress as well. And God is going to honor you and continue to draw near to God and knowing that he is with you, he will never leave you and never forsake you. And just draw near to God and knowing that all things work together for his good and your glory and induced season, that God will heal you completely mentally, emotionally, and just draw, continue to draw near and there are brighter days ahead and I just want to pray for you real quick. Heavenly Father, continue to be with her lead and guiding director, Heavenly Father, and just have your hand upon her and knowing that you are with her, Heavenly Father, in this midst of this tragic loss, Heavenly Father, but it is a win on God's side. Encourage her, keep her, Heavenly Father and knowing that you are with her, lift her up, prop her up on every side, every limb or Heavenly Father, have your way upon her. Heavenly Father, knowing that she has a family that loves and support her. Heavenly Father and all these things we ask in Christ Jesus name, we do pray. Amen. Good morning, this is Dawn from Ohio, and I just wanted to call in today and pray for the young man who called in about his mom and he had said that she had a mass in her lung or they found a spot in her lung that needs to be investigated. So I'm just going to lift this young man up in prayer along with his mother. Dear Jesus, Heavenly Father thank you, God, for who you are. Thank you God, for your power. Thank you God for your healing power. You are our healer, God, and Lord Jesus, I lift up this woman to you right now. Heavenly Father, you know exactly what's going on inside of her lungs. You know exactly how what's happening and what's going on in a way that doctors and that our mere minds could never know. Lord, because you are the creator of our bodies, you are the Great Physician. And Lord Jesus, I just pray in Your power and in Your name that you would touch this mass in her lung, that you would heal her 100%, lord Jesus, that when they go in for the scan, that the growth would be gone. In the name of Jesus, I pray for peace for this young man who called in for his mom. I pray for peace for his mother as well, that they would not be anxious or nervous, but they would trust the Great Physician, you, Lord Jesus, we praise you God, for what you're going to do, and we cannot wait to hear the testimony of this healing. We are just so in awe of you and we thank you and we trust you and we worship you in Jesus name. Amen. Love you all. Greetings, dearly beloved, DABC community, this is filmmaker Plot from California. And Father, we come to you to say thank you for what you do every day, God, waking us up, giving us life, giving us health, giving us healing, giving us a new day. Father, lord, to show your purposes or to show what Your will is for us for each day. Lord, I pray that we live in that promise. God, I pray for people who are sick right now and those who may be Harding. I pray, Father, for Your comforting hand to surround them in that warm embrace that shows them that they'll be okay, because you're surrounding them, Father, because you are guiding them, because you are going before them, beside them, and around them. Dear God, father, I pray for Tanya Gordon, who is recovering from having had a heart attack and having gotten two stents put in her vaults. God, I pray that those tents work and that Father, that she recovers fully and is able to go to live her normal life. Dear God, I pray, Father, that you comfort lady of Victory. I can only imagine the pain and the pain she's going through, or the heartache, Father, she's going through, given that also it's so close, just still grieving her son's passing. Dear God, so I pray that you be the God of comfort, the God of strength, the God of healing for her and for her family. Lord, I pray for jill's dad. Dear God, that he continues to get better, also from the heart surgery he had. Thank you. In Jesus name I pray. Amen. Hi, DABC. It's Emmy from Illinois. I called yesterday just with a praise that counseling was going okay and that we were moving in the right direction. And then Satan attacked last night, and in what was not that big of a deal of a conversation disagreement, my husband decided he did not want to continue going to counseling and that we need to pursue divorce. So he got up this morning with questions about stuff that he needs to know and is working on getting our whole house sold and doing all the things to get it done. He said he was willing to do one more counseling session that's already scheduled, but then no more scheduling, and we're just going to call it quits. So I'm at peace with just letting him do the process, and I will do what needs to be done so that he can get that. And honestly, part of me is at peace because it's been a nightmare trying to deal with the back and forth and the roller coaster of the last several years, but it's overwhelming and scary just to think about moving out with a toddler and just life what that will look like moving forward. So if you could just pray that God will intervene or that he will make a path easy for this potential new change in life. I don't want a divorce, but at the same time, I don't want life to be like it's been now. So if that's what God takes for our restoration, that's okay.

[allwhilewaiting]

doctor's note

I remember so vividly writing this post 7 years ago. Re-reading it this morning reminded me of the ache I felt with each expressed sentiment of grief that I was experiencing.

It's hard to believe that 7 years later I am almost in an identical predicament with my mother. We don't talk at all.

Which is kind of wild, because she just moved to Charleston, which means that now the whole matriarch of my maternal side is in the same city, within an hour's drive of each other respectively and this is the welcome home dynamic...

When my mom moved here after 8 months of me being here, into a home in a neighborhood that I had handpicked for myself only to her benefit (divinely unbeknownst to me at the time), I thought I was living a realized dream. We've both always said we love Charleston with heart and soul <3 And now, the universe made way for us to be here together. Only, not together.

I find it interesting that in my 2-year reply to my original post, I talked about always getting back in the ring at all costs. As I remember the context of where I was in my life in 2018, 5 years ago...I can see why I'd say that. I was used to abuse, trained religiously that it was a form of honor to fight against what is fighting me, instead of simply walking away from toxic situations. Church, at that time, was the subtle reminder underneath waves of self-soothing Sunday services that denying myself the right to select healing spaces at every cost was the only path to God.

Five years later and I have lived through God, my ancestors, holy spirit, and the rest of the Divine Collective shouldering my pain and distress to deliver me to my true self. In the best city. Carrying me on their backs to a better place. All without even the hint of a sermon or religious text.

And so I reflect on this issue again, the mother : daughter dynamic. The importance of it to me, and the real live grief that pains my heart in knowing that no amount of desire that I have to relate harmoniously with my mother will make it so. I can only choose what is helpful to me. And I can say, with so many years of bad experiences to substantiate these sentiments, that my mother has always been the person to incite the worst versions of myself.

My most combative, irritated, offended, and inauthentic self. I have always had to dance around her. To mute myself or tailor my true feelings to meet her where she is. That, or I am shut down.

At 29, I am tired of seeking spaces on this planet that cannot hold the fullness of me. And I similarly don't like being in spaces where I can't hold the fullness of others without it feeling abrasive to my fullness.

So it hurts to not do what is familiar, to just bandage up the indefinite wound of a dysfunctional relationship with my mother and trudge on until the next offense...it hurts not to lend way to the honest-to-goodness great moments of laughter and a shared language between us that has taken a lifetime to develop, it hurts to not pick up the phone or just see her face.

I do miss my mom. I do love my mom. But I must love myself more, in a way that I never have before if I want to make the kind of changes in my life that will sustain my stability. And putting myself in a land mine with her is not stable.

So I'll cry the tears, and bear the weight of the hurt with my healing journals and books, writing prompts and messages of journeying toward self-love and abundant expansion. I'll do it for me. I'll do it for the healing me. I'll do it for every person who gets to see the healing version of me. For a life lived with ease. And beauty and wonder. A gentle life. With no fighting, just intentional spaces in my cultivated internal home of bliss...

Those are doctor's orders.

<3

[lovemirrah]

10:43am, 25 December 2022

It's starting to become a really bad habit for me to check in only once or twice a year. I used to write so much and now, I hardly write at all. But yesterday, I started therapy for the first time in my life and my therapist encouraged me to start writing again. And so, I find myself here. Hello journal, I'm happy to be reacquainted with you again.

My last post was in January 2022, right at the start of the year, and a lot has changed since then. In September, I sold my car exactly a year after I bought it. I miss it sometimes, but I know owning a car is not something I can afford at this stage in my life. In October, I left BDA after 3.5 years with the company. Within a few days of leaving the team, I finally made that trip to South Korea where I was for close to 2 weeks. I ticked so many things off my list but a few were still left unfulfilled. The morning after my return to Singapore, jet-lagged and incredibly exhausted, I started a new role with WE. I manifested this; leaving BDA, going to South Korea, landing a new job with an MNC that brings better benefits and learning opportunities. I worked for it, prayed on it, and it happened. For that, I am grateful for all that the year had brought me.

During my session yesterday, my therapist asked why I decided to take on therapy. It was a good question, great one even. I knew that signing up for therapy meant that I had to be honest with myself for it to work. Without missing a beat, I told her that I'm always sad and I don't know how to fix it. Someone should've told me to bring a box of tissues when doing therapy because it only took one question to trigger the waterworks. For 45 minutes, I cried while my therapist listened. I condensed 28 years of my life, all that I've bottled up, into a 45 minute session and it just came pouring out. I couldn't cap it. It's therapy; I shouldn't cap it. I'm allowed to feel what I feel. What I feel is valid. I'm hurting and I shouldn't deny myself that.

Truth be told, I was crying even before therapy started. I was wallowing in my feelings all day. My mother returns home from her trip today, so I gave myself all of yesterday - one final day - to do absolutely nothing except to be myself. I slept it, ate food that's no good for my body, watched too much Netflix, slept some more, showered only when I finally have to, read a few chapters of a new book I bought but may not like, prayed, cried a lot, watched a few episodes of The Big Bang Theory to make me feel better, then I went back to sleep again. I slept so much, I wondered if I was depressed before I shrugged that thought away.

The one thing about me that I loathe so much is that I overthink. All my life, I considered myself to be an optimistic-realist. I think of worst case scenarios in every situation and prepare well for them, but I'd always hope for the best. It's how I've always carried myself through life - at work, in my day-to-day. I aspire to be like that in my romantic pursuits but having gone through a sexual assault so young, I see dating as a 'cup half empty' situation. I go into it, thinking that it's not going to work for whatever reason, and I believe it. I'm so afraid of tearing down my walls that I've become so good at detaching. Then comes along a connection I wasn't even expecting, and without realising it, I buckled. So quickly. I'm not saying I'm in love - God, I know I'm not - but I got attached to a mere stranger I barely knew because I trusted that connection. And... that was my fault. It's my fault for finally learning to open up my heart and be vulnerable again; only for it to be the wrong man. Y'know what's the funniest thing about all of this? History repeated itself and I'm exactly where I was 8 years ago - right down to timing. I can't shut down again. I've come so far since then. I can't unlearn all the healing I've done. I needed to do better, be better and put myself first. I will not chase someone who doesn't want me. I will not give my time for someone who won't even respond. If someone is showing you that you're not important, believe it.

So today, while everyone is out (or in) spending time with family and their loved ones on Christmas Day, I'm choosing to spend time with myself and put me first. A manicure, a facial and a cone of ice-cream. It's always good to start small - one step at a time, as they say. Even if I feel 1% better after, I'll consider it a win. As my therapist says, 'my time is now.'

I don't know if I'll write every day but I'll try to check-in every week. It might be a little hard at first, but writing was and has always been my first love. With time, I'll get back into the groove of things - writing and maybe, life too.

All my love, Mirrah

[everything-left-unsaid]

December 9, 2022 10:26 PM

Can it be true? I’m writing my first post again after almost a whole year?

How funny the last post I wrote was about feeling anxious to get engaged and here I am months from being married???

Truth be told Henry’s away for his bachelor party so I made the mistake of pulling up my old diary tumblr page to look at old posts. Wow. If there’s one thing reading my past posts has made me realize it’s that my feelings sometimes can be so volatile.

I feel like my younger self had a very poor way of handling my emotions. I was feeling so much sadness, anger, anxiety, and pain. I stop and think about today and I realize I still carry the remnants of that person. Although not as sad, and not as angry, and not as anxious. I still sometimes see the bits and pieces of me that make up who I am. I’m not sure if that’s something I’ll continue to grow out of or if it will always be a piece of me but I see the flaws that I carried when I was younger and that I still see peeking out today.

It’s crazy to think about my relationship. I’m getting MARRIED in two months. On this page I went through heartbreaks that I thought were devastating at the time. On this page I went through first dates, one night stands, and booty calls with your ex. I read these posts and almost cringe because it takes me back and makes me remember all the places I was before that I don’t necessarily ever want to be again. If there’s one thing I think I can benefit from on this late night reflection it’s my relationship with Henry.

We’ve been together for coming up four years now. Wow. That’s a long time. To think we’re getting married and one day we’re going to be old and grey together is crazy. Not in a bad way of course. In a way that makes you realize you finally made it and that you met that person that they all talk about it. 

You are my partner. You are the one that i’m going to be with for the rest of my life. You are the one i’m going to start a family with one day. You are the one i’m going to try to make it work with for the rest of my life. Reading these posts makes me remember when we first met. The posts about your sweet smile, your blue eyes, and your kindness just take me back to a place that makes me fall in love with you all over again. Typing this I see your smile in my head. It makes me a little sad because the day to day routine can sometimes make me forget how much I love you and truly appreciate you. I feel frustrated by things like you not picking up your socks and you spending all Saturday hunting instead of spending time at the house with me. Then i remember posts like when we first said I love you and when you first met my friends. It reminds me that love is not always easy. Love is a constant cycle of finding ways to grow and fall in love with each other more. Love is not glamorous. Love is work. 

I think of us falling in love. It wasn’t the feeling I felt when I was 18 years old and in college but it was a slow burn. We talked about that in therapy the other day and I felt a little insecure sharing. I felt like our story wasn’t one for the books, wasn’t a fairytale love that people gushed over. It made me wonder if this is what true love is. Then stopping today I read those old posts and realized the ‘fairytale’ love is there but it’s society that makes you feel otherwise. Love is what you share with your partner, how you feel, and what you make of it. Your personal relationship is where you plant the seeds and together grow something from the roots up. Not necessarily how it looks like compared to others. 

It’s funny because ironically you’re probably out on your bachelor party right now getting wasted with your friends and doing god knows what. The part of me that I can’t shake off is always going to feel like you’re going to mess something up and that all men disappoint. Then there’s the part of me that loves you and knows you are good and trustworthy. 

I think after this weekend I’m glad to reflect. I want to remember the way I fell in love with you again. I want to feel close and connected to you as much as I can even with our monotonous schedule. I’m not sure how we can work on that and maybe therapy will help us but i’m ready to stop being so resentful all the time and remembering how much I just really love you.