#and aside from that I’ve been very clearly struggling but it seems like no one is close enough to me to really grasp the seriousness | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sunpopz · 2 years

Text

free falling pt.2

pairing: haechan x afab!reader word count: 7.6k contains: gamer au, smut, perv!hyuck, sub!hyuck, humiliation kink, degredation, solo masturbaiting (m), overstimulation, handjobs, hyuck is rlly wrong for what he does lmao summary: you and haechan finally meet in person, but the circumstances aren't very ideal. how long can he keep himself together?

A/N: this took me fucking FOREVER but finally i'm done T^T. sorry for the wait + please leave feedback preferably in reblog tags!!

link to part one

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annoying ass 🤎 🐻: please call me back annoying ass 🤎 🐻: im sorry annoying ass 🤎 🐻: please dont hate me

your heart hammered in your chest as you watched each message pop in, nervously chewing on your fingernail. the confidence left you the moment it was all over, and while you felt bad for leaving haechan completely in the dark, you weren’t sure where to go from here.

everything you’d just done felt out of character, as if some alternate persona took over. it was sort of empowering, being this more confident and taunting version of yourself, and knowing that your little puppy crush on one of your best friends was reciprocated only confirmed that feeling.

but it was all foreign and uneasy now, you sitting cross-legged on your bed staring at your phone while the room only seemed to feel bigger and bigger around you.

after some contemplation and a self pep-talk, you figured there was no way around directly addressing what got you here without forever being uncomfortable with each other. you just weren’t sure how to go about that, but it didn’t matter because you were picking up your phone before you could talk yourself out of it.

haechan picked up immediately. “hi.”

“hey-”

“i’m so sorry, y/n,” he cut you off and his voice sounded even worse, like he was about to cry. “i don’t know what i was thinking. you deserve so much better. i’ve been so disrespectful.”

woah.

you were, for lack of a better word, shocked at his formal apology considering how he would normally struggle just to admit defeat in any other context. you and jeno would genuinely fight him to get him to say he was wrong at times. “oh.”

“i understand if you don’t wanna be friends anymore,” he continued, clearly crying now. your stomach flipped. “i really fucked up.”

you didn’t even realize exactly how much this invasive habit of his had been eating at him until now, and you honestly wouldn’t have even played with him the way you did if you knew it would end up with him crying to you like this. this felt serious and strange, like something you only experience once, and it lit fire in your veins.

haechan was never open like this. he was open to listening and aggressively caring, sure, but the idea of him crying to you about anything wasn’t even a thought before today. the wet cracks in his voice were the most intriguing part, and you wished you’d facetimed instead just to see the tears drop from his eyes. loud, obnoxious lee haechan was actually putting his pride aside to let himself feel all the shame he had coming to him.. he had to feel really bad.

but if he felt so bad, why did he do it in the first place?

you felt the switch happen within you, as if triggered into slipping into the other “persona” by your friend’s crying, before you spoke again. “don’t cry, haechan.”

his shaky breaths halted immediately, listening carefully to whatever you were going to say. your tone was nurturing and forgiving, merciful, and he felt that he could cry again just from that alone. he sucked it up, though, curious about why on earth you’d forgive him.

there was some silence before you spoke. “what you’ve been doing is simply disgusting,” you started, pausing to hear if he’d make a comment about that. you were met with silence. “and technically, i shouldn’t trust you anymore.”

there was a ‘but’ in there somewhere, he was sure of it. your sentences were leading somewhere, but they were slow and calculated, and he felt the urge despite his self pity to rush you to finish. he once again sucked it up.

“you already knew that, though. and you did it anyways. that’s what perverts do.” you told him, and this time you could hear him suck in a shaky breath after your pause. you smiled to yourself, hiding it as if he were in the room. “so tell me, haechan. are you a pervert?”

his heart skipped a beat, panicking in search of a response to such a question. truthfully? yes. but did he think you wanted to remain friends with one? “uh. n-no? i mean-”

“no?,” you laughed incredulously, mocking him. wrong answer. “you mean to tell me you beat your junk to me like every day, so much so that you’re crying in shame about it, but you’re not a pervert?”

“no! i meant-”

“is that not entirely backwards to you?” you cut him off, igoring his desperate attempts at backtracking with your piercingly judgemental tone. you felt on fire. “it’s completely fine for you to do what you did? are you not apologizing for the very thing you’re now telling me is normal, socially acceptable behavior? you really are fucked up in the head.”

haechan’s mind swam in a lake of pure confusion, feeling as if he was being pulled back and forth. your actions told him one thing while your words said another, and then they’d switch and give off the complete opposite message. he felt lost like maybe he was just too stupid to understand you, unsure what your motives were. did you really think he was fucked up in the head or were you just saying that to tease him? if you wanted to tease him, was it to turn him on or to make fun of him?

“so you have nothing to say for yourself?”

it seemed so easy to piss you off. you were just about to forgive him, giving him a rope to grab just to snatch it back that quick. that’s what confused him.. it felt so fake yet so real at the same time, this territory entirely unfamiliar to the both of you. he didn’t know what it was like to really make you mad, to really disgust you, so he couldn’t tell what was genuine and what wasn’t.

he just felt stupid. completely and utterly stupid, unable to tell what’s okay from what’s not. was his brain really so twisted that he’d end up trying to convince you that he did nothing wrong? he gave up. “i’m sorry. i am a pervert.”

the defeat in his voice thrilled you. it reminded you of the familiar triumph you got from that exact defeat in other contexts, whether that be during competetive video games or meaningless debates. you usually had to work for it, but now he willingly submitted to you due to the shame of his own actions. it was rewarding; felt like justice.

you hummed in agreement, light and appraising, like a teacher encouraging a student for getting a question right. haechan wanted to cry again. “and do you think it’s a good idea for me to stay close friends with a pervert?”

“...no.”

“then you’ll have to make it up to me somehow, right?”

“yeah?”

he was cooperating with your condescending words as if he were being scolded by a parent. you were once again thrilled, feeling the power you had over him as if it were tangible.

you sighed as if reminded about how disappointing this was and he felt scared that he might’ve said the wrong thing again. after some silence, you cleared your throat. “so promise me you’ll never touch yourself to the thought or image of me ever again. can you do that?”

but that’s the thing, wasn’t it? he could apologize all he wanted to, teary eyed and desperate to keep you in his life, but would he stop?

was this instance enough to scare him out of his bad habit?

“yes,” he breathed, voice full of hope. whether the hope was for your forgiveness or his future self, you weren’t sure. “i promise.”

—

your relationship was never quite the same.

weeks went by and haechan still acted as if you knew all of his deepest secrets, doing nice things for you and agreeing with everything you said even when he disagreed in his head. he was still witty and loud around everyone else in your circle, but he behaved like a kicked puppy towards you.

to anyone who payed close enough attention, it would seem like you were blackmailing him or something. it kind of hurt considering you literally weren’t, but he did it to himself.

jeno noticed the change first, having been the third leg of your usually tight-nit trio. he didn’t say anything directly, but he would reference the sudden lack of chemistry between you at times. sometimes it was a joke and sometimes it just came up in conversation, but you felt bad regardless, even if you’d done nothing wrong. he just assumed it was something that would pass and stayed out of your ways.

you missed the person in your life that haechan used to be. his playful nature, his cocky tone, the bright smile that always reached his eyes.. that especially was something you rarely saw, and it was never because of you.

though, one thing that never changed were the good night texts.

you always texted each other good night even if you hadn’t talked that day, sometimes with emoji hearts or smiley faces. as miniscule as it was, it solidified that you two were in fact not on bad terms, and still wanted to keep in touch with each other.

it was also the reason you decided to play with him some more.

there was a gaming convention that had been coming up for quite some time; a decently sized event in a popular city where all the well-known streamers would meet up with both fans and each other. your circle of online friends had your own little community of watchers that only seemed to grow as each day passed, so you’d all been planning to go since it was announced, talking out the meetup and budget every few days.

the three of you were to meet your other friends - yena, jisung, and winter - at a huge airbnb that you all put money towards renting. the event would last three days while the house is rented out for a week, the extra days set aside to explore the city.

you could practically feel everyone’s excitement for the trip build up as the weeks went by, and as you finally entered the large house with a big suitcase in hand and a neck pillow hanging onto you for dear life, it never faultered. you were the second one to arrive (after jeno), barely even able to take in your environment before he jumped from the couch and engulfed you in a tight hug.

“jeno!” you heaved, the breath leaving you as his grip only got tighter. you hugged him back with just as much energy.

it was kind of surreal to see and feel him in person after only interacting with him through a screen for so long. his body was warm and firm against yours, muscles contracting as his arms tightened around you, and you let out a strangled noise while tapping his back to signal that he should release you. “dude, i love you but you’re gonna kill me.”

he let you go and stepped back, hands still tugging a bit on your forearms like he wanted to hug you again. “i’m sorry, this is just.” he gave you a once over, eyes sort of wide. “it’s just.. you’re real.”

a laugh rumbled from your chest as you nodded, agreeing with the sentiment that meeting jeno in person confirmed that he was in fact real. his smile grew as he stared at you some more, then shook his head as if in disbelief before letting your arms go. “i explored a little. the owner of the place left us these goodie bag things in the bedrooms, but there’s only four so you should grab one before anyone else gets here. come, i’ll show you.”

you had about thirty minutes alone with jeno before the others started piling in an hour or so between each other, loud and excited to finally meet in real life. it felt almost dream-like to hear their voices and see their familiar faces in your physical environment. the two-story house was lively with exclamations bouncing off the walls by the time it was dark.

the place was neat with a lot of space; not necessarily fancy but not cheap looking either. it was organized nicely with real wood floors and smooth clean furniture, board games and gaming consoles in their respective rooms to provide the guests with entertainment. none of you would’ve be needing those anytime soon, though, too focused on catching up on each other’s journey’s getting there.

haechan arrived way later than everyone else, walking in clumsily with a flimsy duffle bag and sweats, hair a fluffy mess and crocs on his feet. he’d clearly worn whatever would make him most comfortable on his plane ride without thinking of the part where he finally gets to meet his friends and take pictures. you thought he just had to be acting silly for attention though, considering he was texting the groupchat in sadness every time any of you sent a selfie with each other, complaining about his delayed planes.

it was no secret that attention was something he thrived (and honestly relied) on, but the way his face broke into that happy content smile when everyone shouted his name and ran to hug him definitely added evidence to that fact.

your heartbeat quickened when you saw him, his laugh ringing in your ears. you had felt pretty tired because of all the activity and jet lag, but he was the one you anticipated seeing the most so all the drowsiness left you immediately.

you realized too late that you were just staring at the group hug from a foot away rather than joining in, everyone already releasing haechan by the time you thought to move. it led to a much more intimate-feeling embrace as the rest of the bunch went to sit back down leaving just the two of you there, his expression towards you almost bashful. this greeting was a lot different from jeno’s, with your heart pulsing hard in your chest and your mind much more in tune with your senses.

he smelled nice, warm and thick with how close you were. feeling the body heat of his form through his clothes grounded you a little and you remembered that this was haechan, someone you’d been wanting to meet so bad for the past year and a half. he was often the only person who could make you smile on shitty days and the only person who could never truly piss you off. just a few blunt words from him had given you breakthroughs before, and while most people saw some unpredictable and obnoxious guy, you saw genuine unconditional care and attention. you hugged him a little tighter.

haechan sighed sweetly at that and burried his face into your neck a bit. “hi.”

“hi,” you breathed back, his voice almost hushed like the simple hello was for your ears only. goosebumps rose on your skin, not used to anything about this, but especially hearing him that close. “was waiting for you all day.”

he moved away from you abruptly then, like he shouldn’t have been touching you for that long, and huffed a fake little laugh. his eyes avoided yours when you studied his face (which was even prettier in person, you noted) as he put his bag down against the wall with everyone else’s. ignoring the weird part of that interaction, you turned around to go back to your seat only to be met with both yena and winter staring you down in a mixture of curiosity and understanding. your heart dropped as you sat down, knowing you were about to get grilled.

your relationship with the two of them was definitely closer than your relationship with jeno and haechan in the emotional aspect. you guys bonded easier, and while the guys were more on the ‘i’m hanging out with you to have fun’ side, the girls were more like the ‘i’m hanging out with you ‘cause we just understand each other’ side. they were sweet but honest, the two of them making the most loving environment for you whenever you needed it. that also made them incredibly nosy, because now that you supposedly kept them updated with any substantial drama, they felt compelled to know anything you hadn’t told them yet.

you side eyed the girls sitting next to each other the moment you felt your phone buzz in your pocket, already knowing it was one of them in your groupchat. sure enough, they were already looking back at you with their phones in their hands and anticipation written on their faces. you rolled your eyes.

duckieee 🐤: ??? duckieee 🐤: did u guys fuck or sumthing?? <winter3: yena 😭 duckieee 🐤: im serious !! wtf was that he looked like he was about to jizz himself <winter3: well yeah but we already know he has a crush on them.. that was just like. a very weird energy like we definitely missed something

you bit your lip to hide the smile starting to break out on your face, unable to contain your excitement about the topic of you and haechan. you still felt like you were catching your breath after hugging him, and your eyes flicked over to him for a moment. he was talking to jeno and jisung, likely catching up when his own eyes met yours for a second and looked away just as fast, visibly stuttering in his thought process because you caught him staring. you went back to your phone.

you: wdym you know he has a crush on me? did he say something? <winter3: ? duckieee 🐤: itz obvious as fuck duckieee 🐤: but thats besides the point <winter3: ^^ you: 🖕 you: ok yes something did happen but i can’t say you: you guys need to drop it for his sake duckieee 🐤: omg <winter3: woah <winter3: yk you’re gonna have to tell us eventually right? you: and i’ll be expecting compensation for doing so 💗 <winter3: 🖕🏻 duckieee 🐤: 🖕🏻🖕🏻

some time passed with the group of you just making conversation again, now with beers from an ordered case in your hands, taking in each other’s presence. it was probably the most content you felt in a while, the main event of this entire trip now crossed out in your book. sure, you guys came here for the convention, but meeting up was the part that was most anticipated.

there was a moment of comfortable silence after having talked for at least an hour and you took the time to put your hazy brain to use and observe everyone in the room. your eyes scanned the couches from left to right, seeing haechan next to the girls, jeno next to haechan, and jisung in between jeno and you. out of nowhere, you started giggling.

you got a mixed reaction of confusion and amusement, ignoring a comment from yena about you being a silly drunk while jeno spoke, curious to know what was going on in your head. “what’s so funny?”

you looked at everyone again, watching them watch you, eyes lingering on haechan for a second longer than they should’ve. they all seemed just as content as you, sitting relaxed and sleepy. you fought the urge to laugh again as you structured your next sentence in your brain. “you’re all hot as fuck.”

you laughed even harder as the words processed through everyone, surprise on their faces as none of them were expecting that response. they laughed with you a little too, also tipsy and now clearly even more confused, so you continued.

“it’s just like,” you started, sitting up in your seat so you could try your best to seem serious despite the dopey smile on your face. “you’re all gamers, some trash-,” you looked pointedly at jisung, who jokingly opened his mouth and put his hand on his chest in faux offense, earning giggles from everyone else, “-and you all use discord and twitch and all that, yet you’re all hot. it’s so rare; not even one of you are below 10. i’m saying this genuinely.”

“you can change that ‘you’ to a ‘we’, you know.” winter insisted, her eyes sincere and smile sweet. very typical of her, including you into your own compliment to make sure you weren’t left out. it wasn’t even that you thought you didn’t look good yourself, you just weren’t thinking about it. you thanked her regardless.

jeno nodded along to winter’s words and it made you feel a little bashful now that the attention was completely on you, but then he spoke and dragged it even more. “yeah. i mean this in the friendliest way possible, you’re even hotter in person.”

haechan was at a loss. from the moment he walked in and saw you, he felt like he was back in high school, nervous to even be sitting in the same room as his crush. he thought for a moment that he was going to be fine and easily able to keep himself together, but then hearing your quiet voice up close as your body pressed to his drove him haywire. now as he listened to jeno acknowledge how attractive you were without relunctance or actual feelings attached, he just didn’t understand it.

your presence in and of itself was magnetic, and he could barely focus on any of the conversations you all were having because he just couldn’t stop looking at you. there you were, the same person he had a history of getting off to at any and all times of the day, looking even more mouth-watering live and in action. sure, you were also a close friend who sweetly asked how his day was in the evenings and hyped him up in his most energetic moods, but there was currently a phenomenon occuring in his mind.

psychologically (and he didn’t know the exact science of how, but he knew it was there), he had trained himself to associate you with sex and lust, and he had been aroused all night. you weren’t even wearing anything but casual clothing, skinny jeans and a tank top under a halfway-zipped hoodie, but it didn’t matter. he’d seen you in this exact outfit before, but only through a screen, and now he could see even just the details of the cloth material, the textures of your face and lips, and the strands of hair on your head that didn’t stick with the rest. he wanted you so bad.

the feeling of his face in the warmth in your neck earlier replayed in his mind as well, but this was dangerous territory. he’d deny it ‘til the day he died out of fear, but he had been jerking off to you regularly once again despite his strong will not to when you confronted him. you were like a drug and he had relapsed, learning to either hold his desires off until a call ended or come up with an excuse to turn off both his mic and cam and just beat it out real quick, staring hard at your unknowing face. the latter happened very rarely due to how quickly you caught onto his “bathroom breaks”, but that wasn’t enough to convince himself that he wasn’t as bad, or truthfully worse, than he was before.

to put it simply, he adapted, and as relunctant he was about it at first, he just indulged and indulged until he ultimately gave up on his dignity completely.

but again, this was dangerous territory. you were actually here and he was turned on beyond belief, but he couldn’t just get himself off here. there were too many people and he was likely going to be sharing a room, and he realized it was worse than he thought when he watched you excuse yourself to the bathroom with that usual polite smile, almost having to stop himself from following you just to see more of how your ass swayed while you walked.

yena had created a game, as previously discussed while planning the trip, where each person pulled a paper from a hat with room numbers written on them to decide where everyone would sleep. there were four rooms in total, three of them having two beds and one of them by the game room in the basement. realistically, no one would need that room, but it was nice to have the option for two people to end up sleeping alone.

you were paired with winter, much to both haechan’s relief and dismay. while he knew there’d be relatively no positive outcome of the two of you sharing a room, but part of him just wanted to be in your presence for as long as possible. he ended up with the solo room downstairs, though, which was definitely the best option, and he grew excited knowing that he was now able to get off in peace.

you all grabbed your things and headed into your respective rooms, starting your night time routines. haechan was thrilled to see that his room had a bathroom right next to it, thanking every higher power that he didn’t have to walk up the stairs again if he had to pee in the middle of the night. he could still hear some muffled laughter and conversation from the floor above him as he settled himself, pulling out his facewash with a smile on his face, rushing to finish his routine so he could take care of his pulsing hard on.

as he entered the bathroom, though, it smelled very faintly of something sweet and fruity, which he recognized to be the strong scent of your clothing when he hugged you earlier. sure enough, the familiar navy blue hoodie you wore sat rolled up on the counter by the sink, and he realized you used the bathroom downstairs when you left just a half hour before this.

his dick reacted before he did, his body just automatically intruiged by anything that reminded him of you. and when he picked it up to place it elsewhere, he realized he had a big decision to make.

his thoughts screamed at him to rub himself off on it, mind already becoming void of common sense at the prospect of getting figuratively closer to you. he knew he should just go return it to you, or at the very least place it somewhere else, but he was nearing past the point of horny, that very familiar feeling of caving in starting to creep over him as he barely weighed his options.

he was placing his facewash down and raising the hoodie to his face before he thought to stop, sticking his nose into it and sniffing deeply for a long moment, groaning when he exhaled. he felt nearly dizzy, hand rubbing himself over his sweats to give himself some much needed relief.

the way your face lit up in conversation when it was something that interested you, leaning forward in your seat made his heart race. seeing the goosebumps and hairs on your arm as you walked past him, wafting your lightly sprayed perfume in his space made him want to grab and kiss you. he could reach out and touch you if he really wanted to, and he did really want to, but he had to relax.

in his mind, if he had just been like normal people and displayed his affection appropriately, the two of you could’ve been dating by now. he could’ve been your boyfriend, sitting right next to you on the couch, arm around you shoulder, kissing your cheek every now and then. you could’ve shared the bed downstairs, his hands roaming your body as you made out, groping your ass and rubbing your cunt over your underwear. you would’ve been all like ‘no.. haechan our friends will hear us’ and he’d say ‘let them hear. they’ll know none of them could ever have you like i can.’

he’d fuck you hard and rough, the cheap headboard hitting the wall and the bed creaking as you whimpered at every thrust, wet and loud, skin on skin. he’d watch you try to cover your mouth when he hit your g-spot with a mean laugh, slapping your hand away and forcefully grabbing your face just to come closer and spit, ‘are you stupid? i said let them hear.’

you’d be apologizing and whining his name in desperation, about to cum when he’d see his phone light up on the nightstand for what felt like the millionth time that night, looking over to unread messages of his friends upstairs begging the two of you to shut up. jeno specifically would be angry and exasperated, jealousy apparent even through this ext messages, and he would pick up the phone and take a selfie from a high angle that shows the both of you. you’d be fucked out and teary eyed, his cock deep inside of you and he would be winking and throwing a kissy face, then he’d send it to jeno.

best of all, though, you’d be apologizing for your irrational anger towards him after catching him over a month ago. you’d apologize for making him cry, for calling him a pervert, for making him promise something that you knew he was bound to break just to make yourself feel taller. he’d tell you that you should’ve been flattered by his behavior and you’d cum then, squeezing tightly around his cock as you screamed out his name.

haechan was completely out of his mind.

he knew it whole-heartedly, having placed the bunched up hoodie on the edge of the counter as he desperately humped his now naked cock onto it, eyebrows screwed tightly and sweats and underwear pooled at his feet. the fantasies in his head were all quite stupid, but it was so hot to him to imagine you wrapped around his finger the way he was wrapped around yours. and knowing that when it really came down to it, if he had to tell you about such fantasies, he’d be put in his place immediately. he could only dream.

he was breathing hard, eyes shut and whimpering faintly with his bottom lip tucked between his teeth, lost in the feeling of fabric from your clothing on his skin, and so so close to coming when he heard someone clear their throat at the doorway.

fuck. why didn’t he close the door?

haechan jolted, a sharp gasp leaving him as he covered himself with your hoodie at the speed of light and turned just to be met with the sight of you at the doorway. your arms were crossed as you leaned against the doorframe, eyebrow lifted and amusement written on your face. haechan’s heart sank deep into his stomach.

here he was again, caught. this was worse than before, much worse, an actual violation. surely, he’d broken an actual law this time, and as his reality sunk in, he felt doom hit him.

“so.. you were just gonna leave a cum stain on my jacket? and thought that was a good idea?” you asked, deadpan but once again amused, and haechan didn’t know what to say. he felt frozen, just watching you react with ringing in his ears before he could even begin to figure out how to get out of this.

you scoffed at his silence, staring down the stupid look on his face as you walked towards him. he probably didn’t realize it, but his chest was heaving, eyes wide and panicked as he looked down at your judging expression. you just stared at him for a moment, challenging him, then reached for your hoodie when he didn’t budge.

he held it tight to him, resisting against you trying to grab it. you snatched it then, attitude written on your face at his audacity, and he seemed to visbily cower, lowering his face now that his hard leaking cock was exposed.

you laughed, grabbing his face and forcing him to look back at you. his eyes met yours, shameful and a little scared, and you gave him a fake pout. your words came out soft and quiet, laced in disappointment, “you promised me.”

guilty, he sighed in defeat, the sound now familiar to you. “i’m sorry-”

“no the fuck you’re not,” you interrupted him, loud and amused at his apology. “don’t even try that shit with me. just look at yourself.. hard as a rock from my fucking jacket.”

you grabbed his arm and turned him to face the mirror, the reflection of a half naked haechan looking back at him. you moved behind him just as he looked away, too ashamed to see himself like this, and grabbed his dick, stroking slowly.

haechan squealed, eyes wide in shock before fluttering closed and breathing in both deeply and sharply, and you once again laughed. he was fucking into your hand immediately, a new and sort of heavy desperation firing in his veins at your foreign, yet craved touch. you watched him through the mirror, stroking a little faster and twisting your wrist as you hummed, his hands dropping to the counter to keep him balanced.

“easy there, boy.” you mocked, honestly kind of shocked at his instant reaction. after watching his hips stutter at your words, you came up with an idea. “i want you to listen to me very carefully. can you do that?”

he nodded hesitantly, eyebrows knitted in concentration as he chased his high. it was rising quicker than expected since he was already wound up, and he felt like he might die if he didn’t cum soon. you kissed the back of his neck before you spoke, earning a soft moan.

“honestly, haechan? i want you to fuck me so bad,” you admitted in a sweet longing sigh and he moaned again, louder. you couldn’t bite back your smile, using your free hand to tightly cover his parted mouth before you continued. “and i know you want that just as bad, if not more, so i want you to prove to me that you can. if you last this handjob, i’ll let you fuck me.”

he’d never make it past two minutes.

haechan was completely and utterly overwhelmed, lost in the way your smaller hand wrapped around his length. this was more than just seeing the person he had been losing all control over in person; this was your skin on his most sensitive area, your soft hand replacing his as you helped him get off to you. he felt the way your boobs brushed against his back, your breath at his neck, your hand clamped on his face. you were just hundreds of miles away and now you were all over him, your warmth and smell engulfing his senses as you gave him the pleasure he’d craved from you for so long.

you stroked him faster, ignoring his groan and leaning up to his ear in a whisper. “you’re seriously pathetic, you know? i gave you the opportunity to start over and you violate my clothing?”

your words were sharp and judging and haechan keened lewdly, getting deja vu. your breath tickled his ear, the faint smell of beer passing through his nose at your proximity. he felt like he was floating; completely in heaven with you all over him, piercing him with degrading words.

“you like that nasty shit, don’t you?” you asked, relentless with your pace on his cock. at his silence (or as silent as he could be with mindless whimpers leaving his throat), you removed the hand on his mouth to get an answer. instantly, he was heaving loudly as if he had just saved himself from drowning, irritating you as he once again just didn’t seem to think about anyone else in the house. “will you shut up? i asked you a question.”

after your words processed in his mind, he looked up at you through the mirror, eyes lidded and glossy and confusion written on his face. you rolled your eyes. clearly nothing you were saying was registering with him. “dumbass.”

maybe the words you spoke to him actually weren’t making sense in his mind at the moment, but he clearly understood something in your tone that told him you were degrading him, making him feel like his world revolved around you.

your hand started squeezing tighter at the tip and he fell forward, his own hands gripping the counter for balance. a time bomb was ticking in his gut, having been sitting on the edge of an orgasm for what felt like hours now, and he knew he was done for. his thrusts became sloppy and his eyes shut, eyebrows twisting as his pleasure intensified. he was normally so much more talkative, or at least vocally responsive in bed, but you had caught him in an act and were actively putting him in his place, sending his head to the clouds. the thrilling part was that he knew this was only a fraction of what you could do to him had there not been a house full of people in the way.

everything felt surreal. he didn’t even realize the sounds he was making, high and desperate, or the fact that he was starting to shake. you continuously hummed and chuckled at him and it drove him insane, getting no sort of sympathy from you as he lost himself completely just from your hand. one noise he made in particular, a high and desperately pathetic whine, clearly caught your attention because you mocked it in the same tone, lifting the end a bit to make it sound like a question. he was going to lose his mind.

“stop, stop, stop, stop,” haechan begged, breathless and desperate for both an orgasm and something more, still fucking your hand despite his words. you could tell he was close before he even said anything, but you weren’t nearly done, so he was just going to have to figure something out on his own.

as he struggled to hold back, mouth agape with whiney breaths leaving him, a thought occured to you. “when i confronted you a while ago.. were you really crying because you didn’t want to lose me as a friend, or was it because you were scared you wouldn’t have me as a form of free porn anymore?”

he came then, hard and graciously, and you busted out laughing. he couldn’t even fully register what you had just asked him; he just heard the tone of your voice, condescending and merciless, and understood that you were acknowledging his vulnerable tears and invasive behavior at the same time. it was all too much, past the point of too much, and his orgasm nearly knocked him over with the force of it, leaning completely on the counter now as his legs tried to keep his body upright. your laugh was drowned out by static for a moment before reaching his ears again, now quiet and to yourself as you turned his body over so he was leaning on the counter entirely.

then the realization that you were still stroking him, just as fast as before, hit him like a truck.

he wailed openly, torso stiffening as he used his palms on the counter to subconsciously lift his body up and away from your hand, hips pushing into it regardless. you shushed him harshly. “don’t make me cover your mouth again. we’re in a house full of people. not that you care.”

“please,” he begged, voice barely coming out as he looked up and into your eyes fully for the first time, ignoring your words. his recently lidded eyes were now wider and you could actually see his dilated pupils, eyes already watery from the painful pleasure he was recieving.

“i asked you a question, haechan. a very important one,” you reminded him. his eyebrows furrowed, desperation laced in both his breathing and the way he looked at you from one eye to the other quickly, trying his best to explain his confusion without words. you lifted a brow.

he looked away then, eyes landing around the room as he tried his absolute best to remember what you asked him, brain full of absolutely nothing as your hand continued to work him with speed. you could physically see the seperation in his mind from his body, loud whimpers leaving his mouth and hips jerking both away and towards your hand as he tried to think.

“are you too stupid to remember anything now?” you pressed. haechan moaned then, deep and too loud for your liking. irritation laced your words then, mocking him as you spoke slowly. “your name is haechan.. you’re twenty-one years old.. you’re a filthy pervert? a stalker with no self control.. ringing any bells?”

dumbly, he nodded, the slow speaking actually helping him despite it’s purpose. you smiled widely, wishing you could get this on camera. “yeah? that’s you, baby?”

the petname sent a hard rush through him from head to toe, slow and electrifying, and he didn’t even realize he came again until he came back to his senses. he was sitting on the closed toilet seat now, his pants back on and his eyes bleary as he took in his surroundings.

you weren’t anywhere to be seen.

shaking off the feeling of deja vu, he got up on shaky legs and grabbed the water bottle you must’ve left for him on the counter, not noticing how dry his mouth was until he saw it. he downed it quickly, the loud crinkling of the bottle echoing off the walls as he emptied it.

once again, he was alone after your assistance, but it was different this time. he wasn’t confused or sad, nor did he want to reach out and apologize. he just knew now that this was the game you were going to play, and even if he didn’t like it or wished there was more to it, he had to be grateful for what he had of you.

because realistically, he shouldn’t have had anything.

—

creeping through the hallway proved to be extremely unnecessary once you entered your room, because winter was wide awake.

you snorted when you saw her figure lying back on the bottom half of the bed, legs dangling off the edge with her phone held above her face. she was clearly into whatever she was watching, the screen’s brightness being the only light in the room. you made your way to your suitcase to find some pajamas. “why are you still up?”

“i could ask you the same thing,” she bit back, quick and playful. it would be a lie to say your heart didn’t sink a little at the possibility of her knowing what happened downstairs, and she took your silence as an answer. “if you guys are fucking, i don’t get why you just won’t say so-”

“we’re not!” you hissed in a whisper, hinting that she needed to keep her voice down when saying something like that. you were pulling your pj shorts up your legs when she gave you a highly suspicious look, that being the first time she turned her face away from her phone since you came in. you tried to give her a convincing look but a smile creeped on your face regardless, and you cursed your reflex of smiling when embarrassed.

winter scoffed in amusement and turned back to her screen. “i hope you know i don’t believe you one bit, and you should feel lucky you didn’t room with yena because she’d be tearing you apart right now. however, i’m the nice one so i’ll just let you sleep and wait until the morning.”

bless her heart, you thought.

you were settling into the white bleach-smelling sheets of the bed, already feeling the long day catch up to you when you got a notification.

you were going to ignore it considering you’d left your phone on the floor on accident, but when you looked down, you saw the unmistakeable contact name with the brown heart and bear emoji. putting aside your laziness, you reached down and grabbed it, letting the screen unlock with face recognition so you could read the message.

annoying ass 🤎 🐻: goodnight

you felt giddy at the text, heart warming at the fact that he remembered. you mentally slapped yourself for not remembering first, especially after completely demolishing him not even an hour ago.

you knew this relationship was weird. what haechan was doing was weird, and your tolerance for it was weird. but regardless of already having two people curious about it, and possibly three with jeno’s confusion, nobody had to know, so it didn’t matter. you both had something to lose which made you both vulnerable to each other, and it was inevitable that this would only continue to become nastier and more eventful, but that only excited you. the two of you could be weird together.

typing quickly and with a sense of solidarity, you texted him back and shut your phone, ready to see what the next day might bring for the two of you.

you: goodnight <333

- -

TAGLIST: @paymal7 @bisexual-babygirl-mj @zzztaegizz @deepbookslibrariesquotesbear @tyongerine @hellooseulgi @liliansun @neonymphatbest @muiiq1 @scentedponykidpainter @pocketneos @lune1897 @jenocrush

A/N: thank you everyone for the nice words about the first part and showing interest in a part 2!! sorry for the delays and everything. also if some things like timing in the story didn't make any sense it's because i didn't plan that part out so i just wrote whatever pls ignore it lmaoo

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theduckofindeed · 4 months

Text

Moon’s Eyes in the Vanny Ending of Help Wanted 2 + Other Thoughts

I’ve been watching Dawko’s playthrough of Help Wanted 2 lately, as I don’t have a VR headset, so I can’t actually play the game myself. Today, I watched his video showing the Vanny ending after you get the Bonnie mask in Princess Quest 4, and I noticed an odd detail that I haven’t heard anyone else bring up yet. When you get the Vanny ending normally, Moon has black pupils. But if you get the ending after getting the Bonnie mask, Moon has red eyes like he usually does in Security Breach. That’s gotta mean something, right?

I’m still conflicted on what this ending means. It seems pretty straightforward on the surface, that Vanny is crushing Glitchtrap and freeing herself from his control. (Glitchtrap even reacts in fear when she does this.) But then other people theorize that this is Vanny taking Glitchtrap’s place as the new villain, I think? I must admit I’m a bit confused, as I thought Vanny was just Vanessa brainwashed by Glitchtrap. So Vanessa getting revenge on Glitchtrap makes more sense than her wanting to get rid of him and continue on his work without him.

Yeah, clearly I’m a bit confused by FNAF lore (aren’t we all), so I’m sure I have some details wrong. I don’t totally even understand Glitchtrap’s goals or, by extension, Vanny’s. I thought Vanny probably killed 9 kids before the events of Security Breach. What was her motivation for this? Is she killing kids just because Glitchtrap wants her to? Is there a greater purpose? I know that Sister Location had all this confusing lore relating to Afton creating the Funtime animatronics to kill kids because of his weird experiments with remnant or whatever. Because he wanted to revive his dead son. (Honestly, I really struggle to follow the lore anymore. When I’m sitting through another FNAF-related episode of Game Theory, I’m typically so confused.)

If Vanny is gathering kids for the same purpose that the Funtimes were basically built for, why would she wish to continue on with Afton’s work independently of him? Then again, I know that the theory now is that Glitchtrap is related to the Mimic. Which just makes things even more confusing. So…what’s the Mimic’s goals, then? Other people theorize that Vanny’s goal is to get Glitchtrap an actual body. Again, what would her goal be with Glitchtrap gone?

Anyway, I’m very torn on which theory is more correct concerning the Vanny ending of HW2. I’d really like it to be representing Vanny freeing herself from Glitchtrap’s control and getting vengeance on him and that this is part of Vanessa’s plan to help Gregory get rid of the Mimic. But that doesn’t mean my favorite interpretation is right. Though I do believe it’s more straightforward and less confusing.

As for Moon’s role in all this, if my preferred theory is correct, does that mean that Moon has joined Vanessa and Gregory in defeating the Mimic? Why? Does Moon’s presence in the claw machine even directly correlate to Moon or is he representative of something else? (One theory said Moon represented Gregory, though I’m unsure about this.) If any animatronic is working with Gregory and Vanessa, I’d think it would be Freddy.

On the other hand, if Vanny is simply destroying Glitchtrap and taking on the role of the new main villain, why is Moon helping her? Is he doing so willingly or because he’s infected by a virus like many of us assumed? Because if he’s not infected and is serving Vanny willingly, what is his motivation? I see no reason why he’d want to willingly join this evil woman’s cause?

Again, there must be some important reason why Moon’s eyes are red in one ending and have black pupils in another. Red pupils implies a virus and black implies no virus. But aside from changing whether or not Moon is a willing participant in all this, I’m unsure what other significance there could be.

It is interesting that we seem to have confirmation that Moon has a special role to play in Vanny’s plans. Many of us, including myself, believed this. There was always something off about him. Based on that note about a kid being unable to sleep in the dark after spending time in the Daycare, clearly Moon (and possibly Sun, as the kid wet the bed with the lights on) was scaring kids before the events of SB, even though I don’t think the Glamrocks got infected by the virus until shortly before the game’s events.

Furthermore, even Freddy seemed afraid of Moon. While he had a hard time accepting that his friends would attack Gregory, he had a much easier time believing that Moon was dangerous, stating that Moon WILL find Gregory if he’s not careful. He also referred to Moon as “it”, which I thought was odd. Even in Ruin, Sun/Moon are called “it” rather than “he”. (HW2 is the first time I can remember either of them being referred to as “he”, and that’s by Sun himself when he says about Moon, “He’ll wake up”.)

Anyway, obviously Moon was acting weird before the events of SB. I know the books say that Sun and Moon were originally a theater robot, with Moon being the villain of their show, and Moon was never intended to be a part of the Daycare at all. But…

1: With all the merch and other artwork for both of them (including large statues outside the Daycare entrance and inside the gift shop), it seems Moon was definitely intended to be taking care of the kids alongside Sun.

2: Cassie’s comments about the Sun and Moon plushies in Ruin imply she had fun playing with Sun during the day and found Moon to be a comforting presence at night.

3: It would just be odd if Moon was not reprogrammed from his villain role at all. I don’t believe that part of his act was telling kids to go to sleep.

What all this means is…Moon clearly was meant to work in the Daycare and oversee naptime, and Sun and Moon were once good at their jobs or else Cassie wouldn’t have had fond memories of them. So something clearly happened to cause them to start scaring the kids. And Freddy, apparently.

I must admit that I’m rather biased against the idea of Moon being evil and serving Vanny willingly. But I also think there’s a lot of evidence to support my idea that Moon didn’t voluntarily assist an evil woman in killing kids. He seems to have had a more gentle nature when Cassie knew him, and again, there is zero motivation for this robot to help this murdering rabbit lady or whatever the heck Glitchtrap is in whatever the heck their evil plan is.

That’s why my theory was always that Moon was infected by the virus earlier than the other robots. Maybe as a test subject. And he was probably chosen because his weird behavior would be less noticeable than that of the Glamrocks, who are the main stars of the Pizzaplex.

Mini Generator Rant: I mean, clearly the staff did notice an issue and put in those generators. Which are horribly ineffective because the lights still go out every hour. On the hour. Even in the Daycare. Even after you turn the generators on. And honestly, what’s the point of generators that don’t start up automatically when the lights go out? What, so the kids are responsible for crawling into the play structures and turning them on? All five of them? Which are required to light up one room? It’s just bonkers, I say! Bonkers!

Some final thoughts…I have mixed feelings about the implications of HW2’s endings. While many of us already believed that Moon was working with Vanny, I guess I’m not the biggest fan of having direct confirmation. I kinda preferred it when this was left open to interpretation. That’s how I prefer most of my mysteries, really. I also just hope they don’t confirm that Moon is actually evil. Because I like Moon, and I’d prefer it if his evil side is due to a virus and not because that’s his true nature. Plus, I just dislike Vanny, so I’m, naturally, not too fond about one of my favorite characters teaming up willingly with one of my least favorites.

Anyway, those are my lengthy thoughts. Long story short, I’m just curious if anyone else noticed the difference in Moon’s eyes in these two endings and what that might mean.

#five nights at freddy's #fnaf #fnaf help wanted 2 #fnaf security breach #fnaf moon #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf vanny #fnaf theory

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likea-black-widow-baby · 1 month

Note

What are your thoughts on Daniel Sousa?

Yes! I’m sorry it’s been so long Anon!

I love him. He’s so well written. I have a lot of thoughts about his arc in s1 of Agent Carter, and I’ve talked about a few of them before so I’ll just zoom in on one for now.

The way he reacts to Peggy’s “betrayal” is very telling. It really puts all his cards out on the table. I’ll try to lay it out chronologically.

1. Peggy Is “The Killer”

When Daniel first discovers that Peggy is the one the SSR has been chasing, his first reaction is, understandably, disbelief. What’s interesting is where that disbelief comes from. It probably comes from a few places: he’s been standing up for her, he feels betrayed by that. She has spent so long convincing everyone that she would never be Howard Stark’s lackey, but here she is, seemingly helping him commit treason. She’s killed someone— something which totally goes against the image of Peggy Daniel has in his head. There must be so much conflicting information in his head that he’s struggling to put it all together.

2. The conclusions he draws

With that information on the table, it’s fair that he feels betrayed. What makes his reaction more interesting though, and a bit more disappointing, is that he seems to take that disillusionment and uses it to reduce Peggy down to what the rest of the men think of her: that she’s just Howard’s puppet. It could be argued that he uses phrases like “Stark’s in so deep he’s scrambled your brain” as a way to provoke her into talking since he knows she hates being perceived that way. But I think a part of him believed it. Peggy wasn’t who she said she was, so why should her independence be any different?

3. He trusts her anyway

After all that, it’s truly astonishing that he still believes her when she presents what she knows to the SSR. It speaks very highly of his character that he’s still thinking clearly enough to weigh everything he knows about her and not just her recent betrayal when considering whether she’s telling the truth. Not to mention that Dooley and Thompson both look to Daniel for an impartial opinion even when they know he’s taken Peggy’s betrayal the hardest. He’s an excellent detective who is able to put his own feelings aside for the greater good.

So anon, here are some of my thoughts on Daniel Sousa! Hope you got what you came for, even if it’s a few weeks late 😅

#Mundie says things #it’s an ask!#thanks anon!#Daniel sousa #agent carter #marvel meta #marvel #very fruity. it's a whole fruit bowl in there. a whole smoothie. a fruit punch. a mixed fruit tea. get your five a day from this show

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delicatenightfury · 2 months

Text

Star of the Mountain Chapter 24

Warnings: fluff, angst, canon-level violence, spoilers for the Hobbit films

Pairing: OC x Thorin Oakenshield

Beta'd By: @mistys-blerbz

Author's Note: please do not steal my work! I do not own the Hobbit or the characters, but I do own my OCs and the parts of the plot that are not part of the movies. I have worked very hard on this fic. Please be respectful and do not steal.

Please comment, reblog, and like!

Masterlist - Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

Pleasantries with Gandalf were short-lived. The wizard seemed very anxious and dove right into what he wished to say.

“You must set aside your petty grievances with the dwarves,” he said. “War is coming. The sepsis of Dolguldor have been emptied.” Thranduil cast a lazy look over at Bard, indicating that he was not truly taking the Grey Wizard seriously. “You’re all in mortal danger!”

“What are you talking about?” Bard asked.

“I can see you know nothing of wizards,” Thranduil replied before Gandalf could. The elven king stood to pour a glass of wine. “They are like winter thunder on a wild wind rolling in from the distance, breaking hard in alarm.” He handed Bard a glass. “But sometimes a storm is just a storm.”

“Not this time,” Gandalf said. “Armies of orcs are on the move. These are fighters that have been bred for war. Our enemy has summoned his full strength.”

“Gandalf,” Oreliell said, stepping forward slightly. “Are you sure of this?”

The wizard nodded gravely.

“I have seen them with my own eyes.”

“Why show his hand now?” Thranduil questioned.

“Because we forced him! We forced him when the company of Thorin Oakenshield set out to reclaim their homeland. The dwarves were never meant to reach Erebor.” He led the elves and human out of the tent to look at the mountain. “Azog the Defiler was sent to kill them. His master seeks control of the mountain. Not just for the treasure within but for where it lies, its strategic position. This is the gateway to reclaiming the lands of Angmar in the north. If that fell kingdom should rise again… Rivendell, Lórien, the Shire… even Gondor itself will fall.”

“These orcs armies you speak of, Mirthrandir, where are they?” Thranduil asked.

Gandalf sighed heavily, unable to give an answer. Thranduil rolled his eyes and returned to his tent. Oreliell and Vedis looked at Gandalf.

“Are you all right, Gandalf?” Oreliell asked quietly. He looked rather beaten up. “Perhaps you can have Vedis take a look at your wounds-”

“I am fine,” he said. “Truly. Besides, we have much larger things to worry about than a few cuts and bruises, don’t you think?” He paused and looked between them. “How is the company?”

Oreliell sighed.

“They are all alive. But the dragon sickness has taken root in Thorin’s mind.”

Gandalf nodded gravely.

“Then we must think of a way to get through to him.”

“Gandalf, I’ve tried. He is my One and even I struggled to speak with him.”

“I understand. Nevertheless, we mustn’t give up.”

Oreliell smiled a little.

“You’re crazier than I thought to believe I would give up.”

Gandalf smiled back at her before returning to the tent. Vedis placed a comforting hand on Oreliell’s arm.

“All will be well, muinthel.”

Oreliell nodded and followed her sister to the tent. Gandalf was back to trying to convince Thranduil.

“Since when has my council counted for so little?” he asked. “What do you think I’m trying to do?”

“I think you’re trying to save your dwarvish friends. And I admire your loyalty to them. But it does not dissuade me from my course.” Thranduil rose from his chair. “You started this, Mirthrandir. You will forgive me if I finish it.” Oreliell exchanged glances with her sister as Thranduil approached one of his guards. “Are the archers in position?”

“Yes, my lord.”

“Give the order. If anything moves on that mountain, kill it. The dwarves are out of time.”

Gandalf stormed out of the tent, clearly angered. Oreliell looked at the elven king, who still stared out at the mountain.

“You said that you would attack at dawn,” Oreliell said. “Would you be so heartless as to shoot while they are not expecting it?”

“They have been given their warning,” Thranduil said.

“And what about the warning Gandalf has given you? We have traveled many months with him. If what he says about the orcs is true, then I think we must at least consider his words.”

“Oreliell.” She glanced over her shoulder at her sister, only to realize that Vedis was no longer standing there. “You’ll never believe who just showed up.”

A moment later, Vedis entered the tent with Bard, Gandalf, and Bilbo in tow.

“Bilbo,” Oreliell said with a smile.

“I’m glad to see you’re all right, Oreliell,” Bilbo said.

“Who is this?” Thranduil said.

“Bilbo Baggins, the official burglar of the company of Thorin Oakenshield.”

“If I’m not mistaken, this is the halfling who stole the keys to my dungeons from under the nose of my guards.”

Thranduil sat down in his chair, eyes narrowing slightly at Bilbo. The hobbit shuffled in place.

“Yes,” he said under his breath. “Sorry about that.” Oreliell glanced at Vedis, who was also smiling. They watched as the hobbit stepped forward, pulling something out of his pocket. “I came to give you this.”

He placed the item on the table and pulled away the cloth. Everyone stared in shock and awe.

“Oh my gosh,” Vedis murmured.

“The Heart of the Mountain,” Thranduil breathed, standing slowly. “The King’s Jewel.”

“And worth a king’s ransom,” Bard said. He looked down at Bilbo. “How is this yours to give?”

“I took it as my fourteenth share of the treasure.”

Oreliell almost laughed in disbelief. She was stunned by his courage. But she couldn’t help but worry about what Thorin might do if he found out.

“Why would you do this?” Bard asked. “You owe us no loyalty.”

“I’m not doing it for you,” Bilbo told them. “I know that dwarves can be obstinate and pigheaded and difficult. They’re suspicious and secretive, with the worst manners you could possibly imagine. But they are also brave and kind and loyal to a fault. I’ve grown very fond of them, and I would save them if I can. Now, Thorin values this stone above all else.” Oreliell noticed that he glanced her way. “In exchange for its return, I believe he will give you what you are owed. There will be no need for war.”

Oreliell glanced at the two leaders. Bard turned to Thranduil, still in shock at the hobbit’s actions. Thranduil looked at him for a moment before looking back at Bilbo.

“We will take this into careful consideration,” Thranduil said. “Someone will show you a place to rest for the night.”

Bilbo nodded. Gandalf ushered him toward the entrance, but the halfling suddenly stopped.

“I nearly forgot!” he said. He turned around and pulled a sheath far too large for his body. He handed them to Oreliell. “You left your swords back at the mountain. I figured you’d want them back.”

Oreliell looked down at the swords then at Bilbo. She was surprised that he had noticed and that he had brought them with him to give to her. She put her hand on his shoulder.

“Thank you, Bilbo. You did not have to do that, but I greatly appreciate it.”

Bilbo smiled at her then stepped out of the tent with Gandalf. Oreliell looked back at her blades. She had not really realized that she had left them in the mountain; her haste to leave made it slip her mind. But Bilbo had brought back both her swords and her pair of daggers.

“He is a brave hobbit,” Vedis commented.

“Yes. Much different from when we first met him. I just hope he stays safe tomorrow if war breaks out.”

Vedis put her hand on Oreliell’s shoulder. The two exchanged small smiles.

“The halfling is quite impressive,” Thranduil said, regaining their attention.

“Indeed he is. You also need better guards,” Oreliell replied, barely casting him a glance.

She heard Bard half choke on a laugh, but he tried to cover it with a cough. Oreliell smiled to herself. She didn’t need to look at Thranduil to know his eyes had narrowed.

“I noticed that both of you are without armor. If you are interested, I can provide both of you with sets for tomorrow.”

Oreliell wanted to roll her eyes. She wanted to ask why on earth he thought they would need armor if they were going to confront Thorin. But she knew better.

An army of orcs were on the way.

And she recalled something Thorin had told her long ago: “never underestimate dwarves.” She hated to come before the man she loved dressed for battle, but she wasn’t sure what kind of plan he had come up with to handle Thranduil’s army.

Oreliell sighed and glanced at Thranduil. She nodded.

“Then I shall make sure that you have it.”

He stepped aside to deliver the orders to one of his guards. Bard looked at the Arkenstone then at the sisters.

“What do you make of it?” he asked. “The stone.”

“Bilbo is right about it,” Oreliell said after a moment. “Thorin craves this stone more than anything. It is sacred to the dwarven people, the crowning glory and symbol of their house and power. Thorin will not be pleased to see it in your hands.”

“Our hands? Would you not carry this?”

“I barely want to look at it,” she admitted. “That rock has taken away more from me in the past few days than I ever wanted to lose. And that says a lot, for I have lost much in my long lifetime. Simply seeing me siding with you will create a reaction. I do not want Thorin to think that I have betrayed him further by taking that stone.”

Bard nodded.

“I understand. I shall speak with Thranduil to see what we shall do with it.”

“Before we get to that,” Thranduil said as he stepped back inside the tent, “I would like to have a word with Oreliell.”

Bard glanced at her before going outside. Vedis stayed a minute longer. She studied Thranduil for a long moment before looking at her sister.

“I will go inspect the armor we are being given. If you would like, I can take your swords with me?” she said.

“Thank you,” Oreliell said, passing her blades over.

“Let me know if you need me.”

“I will, muinthel.”

Vedis nodded and stepped out. Oreliell took a breath before looking at Thranduil. The elven king had remained standing and was watching her.

“{You risk a lot going with us tomorrow,}” Thranduil said after a long moment. “{Why do it?}”

“{Because I have already lost so much. And I do not wish to lose my betrothed as well.}”

“{Even after everything he has put you through?}”

“{Do not pretend you know him better than I do.}”

Thranduil motioned for her to follow him. They stepped outside once again to look at the mountain. The braziers were lit above the gate, but otherwise everything appeared normal. Oreliell couldn’t help but wonder what was going on inside.

“I want you to know that I truly do not want this,” Thranduil said. “While the heirlooms of my people are of great importance to me, this was not the outcome I had hoped for. I tried to avoid this when your company passed through my kingdom, but Thorin turned me down.”

“Because he still holds a grudge against you for what you did when Smaug first took the mountain. Or rather, what you didn’t do.”

Thranduil sighed. He turned to look at her.

“I want you to understand what it is you are risking going into this, what this could potentially do to you if things do not go smoothly tomorrow.”

“I am well aware what could happen, Thranduil. And that is why I must be present tomorrow. If something were to happen to Thorin, I would never be able to live with myself. I will protect Thorin with my very life.” She looked at the mountain again. “No matter what happens to me, he will live.”

#The hobbit #Tolkien #Thorin Oakenshield #Thorin #Thorin Oakenshield x oc #Thorin x oc #Thorin Oakenshield x elf oc #Thorin x elf oc #Thorin x elf #The hobbit oc #Fan fiction #Star of the mountain

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happyandticklish · 2 years

Text

Tickletober Day Six - Cuddles

Notes: Eyyy making it twenty minutes before the deadline! I do still have day 4 and 5 on the roster, they’re just gonna have to be late lol. For the request by @veryblushyswitch. I love this show so fucking much, and I cannot tell you how excited I was to get a request for it! It’s been a second since I’ve watched it, so I apologize if anyone is out of character.

Summary: Wirt and Sara decide to have a movie night and Wirt finds himself distracted.

People, in general, were very warm.

Wirt had never thought much about it before Sara. And aside from Greg annoyingly and persistently scrambling onto his lap at a moment’s notice, he hadn’t had much experience being up close and personal with people, so there was never much reason to dwell on the concept.

Until now.

Sara was warm. Her head rested against his shoulder and he could feel her breath on his neck, raising goosebumps across his skin. One of her hands was intertwined with his, and she couldn’t stop fiddling with his fingers it seemed. A thumb was always bumping into his or rubbing against his palm, fingers crossing and uncrossing over his own at random. She was curled around him, and her warmth was like a furnace, comforting and nerve-wracking all at once if you got too close to it.

In theory, they were watching a movie, but Sara had paused it hours ago to tell him some fact about snails and they had never turned it back on.

He kind of wished she would, only so he could give into the pressing urge to fall asleep without her noticing.

How was it possible to be so nervous and so relaxed all at once?

“You have a scar.”

The voice was so sudden in the comfortable silence that Wirt couldn’t help a small jump of surprise. He cleared his throat quickly, trying to recover from the momentary social fumble. “I’m sorry?”

“On your hand.” Sara nodded towards the spot in question, brushing her thumb over it for good measure. It was a small, jagged line across his palm, faded from time. He had nearly forgotten about it till then.

“Just an accident on my bike,” Wirt explained, wincing a bit at the lie. In truth, it had come from his time in that place, after a branch had snagged against his hand while running. He wasn’t sure how to explain his time there, however, so for now, he stuck with the bike story. “I fell off of it while trying to show Greg a trick I’d learned and cut my hand on the concrete.”

“Oh.” Her brows furrowed sympathetically, and she twisted his hand around to see it more clearly. It was faded with time and healing, but there was still a pale, silver line illuminating its presence. She ran her finger along its jagged edges, tracing each sprouting path. Wirt shivered, his fingers twitching slightly. Her touch was unbearably gentle, like he was some fragile thing that would shatter at the slightest pressure. “Does it still hurt?”

“N-Not really,” Wirt said, struggling a bit with his words. Instinct tugged at him, insisting he save his hand from her delicate touch. He wasn’t a stranger to his own sensitivity, but he hadn’t thought it would extend to his hands; no one had ever spent so much time exploring them before. Wirt wasn’t used to the attention, and, evidently, neither was his nervous system. Her nails dug a little into his palm and his other hand fiddled with the sheets as a distraction.

Sara didn’t seem to notice as she continued, re-going over spots she had already explored until Wirt was certain that she was doing it more for herself than anything. Wirt wished he could relax into it, like he had before, but it was almost as though being aware of the effect it was having on him was making it worse. His lips curled in a slight grin, a blush dusting over his cheeks. She fanned her fingers over the spot and he huffed, thumb curling into his palm protectively.

That she noticed. “Am I bothering you?”

She seemed so genuinely concerned that Wirt found it impossible to lie to her. “It just tickles,” he explained, his words going soft and shy at the word, like just saying it would cause it to come to reality. “I didn’t mean to disrupt you. You can keep going if you like.”

“Even if it tickles?”

Wirt glanced away, the red on his cheeks growing brighter by the second. “I don’t really mind it. It kind of feels good too, even if it tickles.”

“Mm.” Sara stared at him a second longer, as though trying to unearth some great secret hidden behind his nervous, shifting eyes. After a while, she simply shrugged, returning to her task, only this time with an added intent.

The trace of her nails no longer felt accidental, and Wirt found himself squirming and fidgeting on the bed, his grin wide and horrendously obvious now. The movie was still off, the remote just out of reach, and Wirt resented the silence as it made him overly aware of every stifled sound that slipped out of his mouth. Not quite a laugh but not quite not. Sara pretended not to notice, but the way her gaze kept sliding over to him every once in a while told a different story.

He thought he was doing okay until her touch slowly shifted downwards. He flinched when her nails curled against his wrist, instinctively pulling his arm back before he could think better of it.

She glanced up at him, her mouth curving up slightly. “Wirt?”

“Sorry,” he apologized, the words coming out stilted and awkward. He had never been particularly” embarrassed by his own sensitivity before (though maybe he had been, seeing as he still relied on the term ‘sensitivity’ instead of its true name even within the confines of his own mind), but even he knew that most people didn’t have such violent reactions to mere tracing. “I mean. Well. I just didn’t realize I was so, ah…”

“Ticklish?” she filled in, the grin building into a smirk. His shoulders ducked up at the word, as though that simple action would protect him from its meaning. “It’s okay, you don’t have to be embarrassed.”

“I’m not,” he said, probably too defensively.

“Ticklish or embarrassed?”

Wirt opened his mouth and closed it, failing to come up with which answer was the most strategic at the current moment. Sara giggled softly, and the sound made Wirt melt a little, even now, in the face of his impending doom. She reached for his hand again and he let her, trying not to seem to eager as she did.

“May I…?” she trailed off, glancing down at his bared arm and back up at him, her question implied. Wirt nodded soundlessly, feeling vulnerable and silly and excited all at once. A part of him begged him to pull his arm back, for the sake of his dignity if nothing else, but the acceptance in her eyes kept him there.

Wirt shivered as she dragged her nails along the spot once more, goosebumps scattering up his arms. This time she didn’t stay dormant, tracing a line from wrist down to the vulnerable inside of his elbow. Wirt curled his legs up to his chest and subtly hid his growing smile behind the back of his other hand.

She scratched against the area, quick, spidery movements that made his nerves writhe anxiously. It didn’t tickle so much as it was tickly, but that was enough to make him want to squirm away again.

He didn’t.

Her fingers climbed up his arm and he shrunk inch by inch into the bed, a subconscious effort to keep her hands from arriving at their unfortunate destination. She walked her fingers across his shoulder, sneaking around to the crook of his neck. A slew of giggles slipped out as he scrunched his shoulders up, eyes squeezed shut instinctively.

Wirt nearly pushed her off when she dragged one nail, soft and featherlight, behind his ear, but he managed to hold back with a protesting whine, squeezing his eyes shut instead.

“You’re staying awfully still for someone so ticklish,” she noted, a casual observation but one that made Wirt flush an even darker crimson. “I’m starting to think you’re letting me do this more for your benefit than for mine.”

Wirt was glad that he didn’t have to look at her when he responded, thankful for the cover of darkness behind his eyelids. “I thihink you might b-be—ah! Onto sohomething!”

“Oh?” He could practically hear her eyebrows lifting in surprise. “So you do like it?”

His silence was answer enough, and she scratched at the back of his neck to break it with a harried squeal.

“Well, if that’s the case, I’d be more than happy to keep this up. Until you’ve had your fill, so to speak. I don’t think either of us were paying much attention to the movie anyway.”

Not wanting to speak and confirm his wish in such a verbal way, Wirt slowly lifted his fist up in an awkward thumbs up. Sara chuckled at that, but Wirt was able to relax in the knowledge that the laughter was with him rather than at him.

“You’re a weird guy, you know? I like that about you. It’s refreshing.”

Before Wirt could think of formulating an answer to that, or start to deduce whether that was a good or bad thing, Sara’s other hand had snaked around and curled into his side; his ever-constant concerns slipped away as he barked out a laugh, crumpling into a ticklish mess against the mattress.

#tickle fic #tickletober #over the garden wall #wirt #sara #wirt x sara #tickling #fanfiction #tickletober2022 #augtickletober2022

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leonsrightlations · 6 months

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The Earth is Online Chapter 12

The big mole ground its sharp claws against the head of the enormous match. With a snap, a spark flickered on the scarlet match head. Quickly, a flaming blaze engulfed the entire match. The big mole placed the match on the ground and used its long claws to grab the huge turkey and place it on the flame to roast.

Lin Qiao went to the corner to help the chef up. She raised her head and said, “He’s okay, just unconscious.”

Tang Mo and Li Wen helped Li Bin up.

Aside from the chef who was unconscious and wouldn’t wake up, the six remaining people sat to one side, far away from the big mole.

However, the underground cavern was only so big. Even if they sat as far away as possible, the crackling sound of the burning match and the appetizing, enticing scent of turkey both unavoidably drifted over.

Bright grease flowed little by little from the turkey meat, dripping at last into the raging flame. Tang Mo had never smelled such an enticing scent before. No seasoning had been used at all. It was purely turkey roasted over a match. The appetizing scent unique to meat drilled into all of their nostrils.

The giant match illuminated the cavern, allowing everyone to see that turkey even more clearly. It was scorched a glossy yellow color, the outside skin a bit charred. As a result of the crackling flame, the outer skin was roasted even more wrinkled and crisp. Even if they were unable to put it in their mouths, they could all imagine how delicious it was.

Everybody swallowed a mouthful of saliva.

The match burned to ashes and the turkey was already roasted. The big mole sat cross-legged on the ground, its small eyes gleaming. Those sharp claws and massive, pointed teeth suppressed the urge of the six people to snatch the turkey. From a distance, Tang Mo watched the big mole take a bite of turkey. The instant it ate the turkey, its expression turned incomparably soft.

“Turkey that has been roasted using Mosaic’s match really is the most delicious thing in the world. I’ve never told anyone this. This is the happiest Thanksgiving Day I’ve ever had.”

The big mole used its teeth to tear at the turkey meat, paying absolutely no attention to those humans who sat in the distance, continuously gulping saliva.

With the mole like this, Tang Mo and the others had no way to complain. The six people were still clear-headed. Among them, Tang Mo could be counted as having the highest combat power. But even if it was him and he did his best to make use of that cheap book, in this situation of having only collected one ability, if he used his ability to unleash a sneak attack, it could be blocked by the other party’s claw. He’d also been robbed of the match to be used as fuel to roast the turkey.

The big mole’s facial expression was full of pleasure. Six people’s stomachs rumbled loudly.

After the big mole ate a drumstick, its mood seemed joyful. Biting into the other drumstick, it mumbled, “Why do you have Mosaic’s match?”

Suddenly being questioned by the other, Tang Mo was a little startled. Calmly, he said, “Previously…I unfortunately met her once.”

The big mole “oh’d” once. “Did Xiao Mosaic commit arson or murder this time? Actually, she’s an obedient, sensible little girl. Her hobbies are just a bit special. You must also feel that she’s very cute, right?”

Tang Mo: “...” To sum up, this felt like a life-threatening question.

Between his small life and his conscience, Tang Mo ruthlessly picked the former.

“She’s really very cute,” he said with a wooden face.

The big mole nodded. “She is. She’s as cute as me.”

Tang Mo: “...”

Everyone: “...”

Whatever makes you happy.

The big mole finished eating the other drumstick and began to eat a wing. It moved extremely quickly. Almost in the blink of an eye, its sharp claws picked out the wing bone. Tang Mo’s pupils shrank. According to this speed, it absolutely should be as easy as turning over a hand [1] for the big mole to kill the seven of them. Then, when it had been struggling for a while just now, don’t tell me…it was playing?

The big mole dim-wittedly ate the turkey, unaware that Tang Mo had been thinking about it and that his whole body was on guard. On one side, it ate meat. On the other side, it vaguely said, “This time I really must thank you for the match. Mosaic’s match is the best fuel for roasting turkey, but this little girl isn’t sensible. She says she needs the match to set fires and is never willing to give me one.”

Tang Mo reminded, “Just now, you said she was an obedient and sensible little girl.”

The big mole touched its head. “I said that? I don’t remember.” It quickly changed the subject. “To speak according to common sense, you guys shouldn’t be attacking the tower at this time. Mosaic’s match is very good to use as a weapon. It can accompany you to survive the second floor. It’s also barely enough to cope with those disgusting bugs on the third floor. I’m really lucky, ah. Meeting all of you sooner means I get to enjoy my turkey sooner. Ah, praise to the Black Tower! Happy Thanksgiving!”

Tang Mo was watching the big mole carefully when, suddenly, his hand was lightly bumped by someone else. He turned to look. Luo Fengcheng mouthed: Question it. [2]

Tang Mo had already intended to do so. Taking advantage of the opportunity made by the big mole’s good mood, he casually questioned, “We shouldn’t be attacking the tower at this time?”

The big mole ate meat and nodded, “With your current level, how many of you have awakened abilities? If this was the first floor’s normal mode, all of you would die the moment you entered, to the point where you can’t even get to my cave. Those earthworms [3] up there could just bite you all to death.”

Luo Fengcheng grabbed onto the keywords. “Ability? Normal mode?”

The big mole only answered the last question. “That’s right. Aren’t you all playing idiot mode right now?”

The idiots: “...”

Indeed, it seemed that the Black Tower had said at the start that this was the first floor’s idiot mode…

The turkey had already been half-eaten. Tang Mo glanced at its remains. Even though he wanted to know more about the subject of abilities, right now he had something even more important that he wanted to know.

“Mole…Uncle Mole, in the end, what is attacking the tower?”

“Attacking the tower is attacking the tower. You all currently can’t attack the tower. It’s only because a stowaway reached the level of attacking the tower that all of you were forcibly pulled into the game by him.” Its voice suddenly paused, and the big mole lapped at the grease on its claws. “Hey, shouldn’t I also be grateful to that stowaway? If not for him opening the game in advance, none of you could have entered. If you guys couldn’t enter, I also couldn’t eat such a delicious turkey. But he’s a stowaway…”

Tang Mo asked, “What’s a stowaway?”

The big mole suddenly raised its head, a gleam flashing through its eyes.

“A stowaway is someone who didn’t participate in a Black Tower game but used some other method to log into the Black Tower. They are all the most hateful, vile people. If I can grab one and eat them up, I can get formidable power. I like to eat stowaways the most. Their meat is both savory and tender. Additionally, they contain formidable power. Every single stowaway possesses an ability!”

The six people exchanged glances. Even the young woman, the youngest of them, understood that ‘people who have logged into the Black Tower’ probably referred to them who had survived and hadn’t disappeared.

Hearing this, Tang Mo’s scalp felt numb, but he still maintained his calm.

“Then what method did they use to log into the Black Tower?”

The big mole’s teeth rubbed up and down, creating an ear-piercing sound. “Altogether, there are three ways to enter the Black Tower. The three ways result in three kinds of identities - official players, reserve players, and stowaways. Official players are those who participated in a Black Tower game within three days, gained victory, and obtained the Black Tower’s official recognition.

“Reserve players are those who didn’t participate in a Black Tower game in three days, but participated in another game and also obtained a certain degree of the Black Tower’s approval. Reserve players only need to win a Black Tower game later on to be promoted to official players.

“Finally, we still have them, my favorite stowaways…”

The big mole swallowed a mouthful of saliva.

“Stowaways are those who, within those three days, eliminated another player by committing a crime. [4] Before the game officially started, every human being was a hidden player. By eliminating at least one hidden player, you could log into the Black Tower. The elimination method…” The big mole raised those tiny, shrewd eyes, “...was not at all limited to playing a game. Committing a crime is also ‘eliminating a player,’ you know.”

Tang Mo’s heart fiercely clutched once before he quickly resumed tranquility.

He recalled the first stowaway he had met.

Qian Sankun, that thief. Tang Mo originally thought that the two of them were the same, that they had experienced a bizarre game and finally survived as the victor. In that ability book, Qian Sankun’s name had the word “stowaway” after it. Tang Mo had never understood it, but he hadn’t thought it had this kind of meaning…

The big mole began to eat the turkey’s breast meat. As it crunched and bit, it vaguely said, “What a pity that stowaway didn’t come to my place, or I could eat him… A stowaway capable of opening the tower attack game this soon should be so delicious! If I eat him, I can get some power!”

The big mole regretfully said, “Every official player and stowaway definitely has awakened an ability. The probability of a reserve player awakening an ability is a little lower… I really want to eat up that stowaway, ah…”

The big mole again swallowed a mouthful of saliva.

Tang Mo and the others didn’t dare imagine the scene of living people being eaten, but what the big mole had said just now already gave them a distinct outline of the world of the Black Tower.

Only four hundred million people survived in the whole world. They were divided into three types - official players, reserve players, and stowaways. Reserve players might possess an ability, while official players and stowaways definitely did. Tang Mo was one such official player, possessing that cheap book. Qian Sankun was one such stowaway, possessing the ability to store items in his body.

At the moment, they had no idea what proportion of the three types of players was higher. It might be official players and it might be reserve players. But it was absolutely not possible for it to be stowaways.

Even if the scope was extended to the whole world, those who had committed a crime in those three days’ time couldn’t exceed ten million.

If the stowaways were few in number, then were there more official players or reserve players?

Tang Mo inexplicably felt that it was possible the official players like him were also fewer in number. At least among the seven of them, there were four who definitely hadn’t participated in a Black Tower game.

The big mole began to eat the last bit of breast meat. “It really is a pity. Has that stowaway who opened the tower attack game already been swallowed whole? [5] Why didn’t he come to my place? Such a delicious stowaway… I really want to eat one, too…”

Finished eating the last mouthful of turkey, the big, full-to-bursting mole rubbed its plump belly. The aroma of turkey still permeated the air. Everyone sucked in a few mouthfuls, consoling themselves by smelling the turkey’s scent.

The big mole was no exception. It used its scarlet nose to sniff unceasingly at the air.

Gradually, the aroma of turkey dissipated.

A clear childlike voice sounded in the ears of Tang Mo and the others -

[Ding dong! Completed the side mission: Roast a turkey for the cute Uncle Mole.]

Everyone simultaneously released a breath of air.

Right at that moment, they heard a weird, sharp laugh. The big mole opened its tiny eyes wide and its shrewd, piercing gaze swept over everyone present. It gurgled as it laughed, and nobody knew why it was making such a monstrous noise.

The sound was like fingernails scraping on glass, giving everyone goosebumps and making the hairs all over their body stand on end.

Then everyone heard it use an excited and oppressive voice to say, “What did I find? Just now it was concealed by the turkey’s scent. Unexpectedly, I only now noticed that among your group of seven humans, there are two official players, four reserve players…and one stowaway! My Black Tower, why are you so good to me today? I'm going to eat this stowaway! I'm going to eat them! [6] Happy Thanksgiving!”

[Ding dong! The second side mission has been triggered: Find that damn stowaway!]

[PREV] [TOC] [NEXT]

Character Refresher:

Li Bin (李彬), 29, male, works at a PR firm.

Peng Yu Wen (彭玉雯), 18, female, first year of university. Small, looks like a junior high student.

Tang Mo (唐陌), 23, male, librarian. Our protagonist! :D

Li Wen (黎文), 25, male, unemployed. A foolishly sweet second generation whose Maserati is now destroyed.

Lin Qiao (林巧), 20, female, university student.

Zhao Xiang (赵翔), 32, male, former chef. Spent this chapter unconscious. (x_x)

Luo Fengcheng (洛风城), 28, game designer. Wears glasses and looks refined.

Uncle Mole (鼹鼠叔叔), a cute mole with a big appetite. ^_^

Translation Notes:

[1] 易如反掌 - idiom literally meaning as easy as turning a hand, the closest English equivalent would be “as easy as lifting a finger.”

[2] What he actually mouths is 套话 (taohua) which is like to sneakily get information out of someone. That’s an unreasonably long sentence to mouth in English, so I tried to shorten it as much as possible…

[3] This is inconsequential, but I got unreasonably excited about it. The specific word he uses for earthworm is 地龙 (dilong) which literally means ‘earth dragon’ in simplified Chinese. On the other hand, a mole is 土竜 (mogura) in Japanese, which literally means ‘dirt dragon.’ They are brothers……………….

[4] That is to say, they killed another player. I have a hard time figuring out if this is a change from the original to the print version or if the word 犯罪 just has an embedded euphemistic meaning. It literally means to commit a crime. I don’t know why it wouldn’t just directly say ‘killing’ since the text definitely hasn’t shied away from that before. *shrugs*

[5] I’m not sure if this is a joke or not but Uncle Mole seems to be misusing/literally applying an idiom (生吞活剥, to swallow whole) that means…to thoughtlessly/mechanically regurgitate knowledge. Like quoting someone famous out of context. Or like…misusing an idiom………. My grasp of the language is super not strong enough to definitively say if this is the right interpretation of this line or not. ._. But it’s kind of funny if so.

[6] Masculine 他 is used here, which is the default for when you don't know someone's gender. I’m going to use ‘them’ to refer to the stowaway in the cave from this point onward, because their identity (and gender) is unknown.

Lesser translation note: I had a hard time writing out an explanation for the specific grammar point that I struggle with so I will just show you a venn diagram of the problem instead:

(If you snitch on me to my sensei about my sloppy msp character writing with a mouse you are banned forever from my heart.)

In this sentence, the word 要 is used, which I translate as ‘I’m going to’ because in English it has the same kind of sense of ‘intending/desiring to do something strongly but without the certainty of a scheduled event.’ Like there’s a difference between ‘I will go there now *goes there now*’ and ‘I’m gonna beat the crap out of him *merely desires to beat the crap out of him; may not actually beat the crap out of him*.’ Anyway, this is a problem that plagues me eternally, not just here, but I thought I’d mention it. (And don’t even get me started on ‘can’ vs. ‘may.’)

Sorry for the late chapter!!! Hopefully it won't happen again but also my life is at a bit of a crossroads atm so there's a high chance I may have to do a brief, planned hiatus at some point in the coming months.

#the earth is online #地球上线 #mo chen huan #translation #danmei #teio #12

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iverna · 2 years

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I’ve seen some of the criticism about Reva’s actress now, aside from the racism thing that is, and it’s like oh, she’s so stoic, she has a poker face, she doesn’t emote... and somehow, that’s bad acting.

Except... is it bad acting if that’s the character? Because I watched the first three episodes before seeing that criticism, and my take was that yeah, she’s stoic, she’s keeping her emotions under tight control. There are scenes where I certainly saw her struggle to do so - it was subtle, but it was there, and to me, that’s good acting.

I don’t actually like the character much myself, because lbr she's not a very nice person so far, but that’s in-universe. On a narrative level I think she’s fine. I don’t think she takes focus away from Obi-Wan, either. She’s the antagonist, we do need to know what she’s up to, otherwise there’s no tension.

And it would never have occurred to me to criticise her for a lack of emotion. She’s surrounded by people who would clearly immediately exploit any weakness and who see emotion as weakness, of course she’s not showing any. Or rather, trying not to show any. It makes perfect sense. Having seen the criticism now, I’ve gone back and thought about when she could have shown more emotion, which scene would’ve been improved by it, and honestly, I’ve got nothing.

I just can’t help thinking... if she was he, would that be an issue? Not to say people are being actively misogynistic, I just think that maybe some of us just subconsciously expect women to behave differently? To be more emotional? If Reva was a guy, and nothing else about the character's behaviour or acting changed, would the actor also be bad, or would we just accept the character as being stoic?

Because on the other side of this coin, you have the Mandalorian, who never even takes off his helmet and speaks more or less in a monotone. Not to say he has no emotions, of course he does, but he’s also stoic, and his displays of emotion are subtle. And no one seems to think that’s “bad acting”. Or that the character is written badly. In fact, he’s a fan favourite.

Vader strutted around the entire OT with his helmet on as well, and he never showed any emotion either. Boba Fett barely had any lines, no emotion whatsoever, and he wound up with a dedicated fanboy following.

On the other hand, both Anakin and Luke have gotten shit for being too emotional. Characters like Leia and Padmé, not so much. So there’s definitely a trend here.

I just feel like maybe, gender has something to do with how people see this character. She’s strutting around with confidence and a poker face, the only emotion she ever shows is anger, she’s... acting like a bad guy. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bad guy get criticised for a lack of emotion. Would we be happier if she was wearing skintight leather and trying to seduce her superiors rather than simply stabbing them in the stomach, maybe said a few suggestive things to Obi-Wan, and y’know, smiled more? Is that what we were subconsciously expecting, maybe? Is that really where we’re still at?

Again, not saying it’s necessarily people being sexist on purpose. I just think that if it bothers you that she’s stoic, maybe examine why and think about how it’d be if she was a guy and what exactly the difference is.

#just having some thoughts #like honestly i don't even really care about this character #at least not yet #but the criticism is... baffling #especially on the heels of y'know #the mandalorian #mr stoic mcstoicism #conceal don't feel #etc #my opinion #not tagging this

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skythesnake · 10 months

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Afraid of Love - Book 1 of the Soulmate series

Chapter 2

Natasha was in pure awe. The girl she saw standing in front of her was goddess level beautiful. Is… this what having a soulmate feels like? Natasha still didn’t know the girl’s name, but she felt her face heat and the rest of the world seemed to fade around the girl timidly standing in the doorway of the lunchroom, trying to figure out where she should sit. She cleared her throat and forced herself to look away. It took her longer than she would have liked to admit to realize the entire room had quieted. The poor girl looked terrified. Alex stood up and walked over, taking the girl’s arm and gently guiding her to their empty table. Natasha’s mind scattered, thoughts felt sluggish and too fast all at once and she couldn’t make sense of any of them. Alex sat the girl next to Natasha and then took her seat next to Lee. Natasha didn’t catch any of the friendly words Alex and Lee threw out. She just had to focus on quieting her mind. Not noticing the fact that the tanktop the girl wore was in her favorite shade of purple. Not noticing the way her golden hair was perfectly braided in a thick braid thrown over shoulder.

“Um… my name is Calliope. I use She/Her pronouns…” Her voice was soft and smooth and it helped to bring Natasha out of her panicked thoughts. Alex’s voice came back into focus.

“That’s a pretty name! This is my friend Natasha. Also She/Her pronouns, not really sure what’s wrong with her. Probably just had a bad day.” She didn’t trust herself to speak so she just nodded and gave Calliope an apologetic smile. Calliope nodded and went back to quietly eating her food. Now that she’d been brought out of whatever the hell her brain had just gone through, she could think much more clearly and couldn’t understand what had just happened. She mentally shrugged and finished her food. She was almost sure now that Calliope wasn’t her soulmate. There was no feeling of connection, no certainty that this girl was “the right one”. Maybe they could be friends though.

. . .

I have never been the talkative sort. My entire life, I’ve been extremely shy, and my parents uprooting my entire life to move to the bigger town definitely didn’t help things. Of the thousand and one ways I had worried today would go, another girl who hadn’t told anyone her soulmate wasn’t one of them. In hindsight, it probably should have been. My hometown was much smaller and even there, kids were known not to share their soulmate's name until they were about 20 - the legalized adult age. It shouldn't have been too much of a stretch to think the same might be here. It's a town bigger than any I'd traveled to before; I didn't know what to expect. After I denied the first several people to ask who my soulmate was, people stopped asking. Before the school day even started, I was labeled as ‘other’. So much for that fresh start Father had promised me. The first class was a little slice of hell. The teacher was nice, sure, but they had called me to the front of the class to introduce myself. I stuttered my way through my name and pronouns, but then stopped, unsure of what else to say. Mx. Green smiled warmly at me and told me I could go back to my seat. The students didn’t seem to hate or ridicule me all that much, but I still felt my face heat as I sat down, sure I’d made a fool of myself at this school. Again. The worst of it was lunchtime. I struggled to find the cafeteria, and when I did, I seemed to be the last person there. I stood in the entryway, trying to figure out where to sit, unconsciously shrinking into myself. My eyes darted around the room to find one friendly face. One person I hadn’t met or seen today that might not hate me. A girl with strawberry blonde hair and hazel eyes stood and gently took my arm in her hand. She led me over to her table, mostly empty aside from a boy with short black hair, buzzed on the sides, and a very pretty girl with dark brown hair, hazel eyes, and freckles that dusted her nose and cheeks. The first girl introduced herself as Alex, She/Her pronouns, and smiled at me warmly. The boy introduced himself as Lee, He/Him pronouns. Apparently, the two were soulmates. They looked expectantly at the second girl who was dutifully eating her food and pointedly not looking at me. Had she heard about me already and the other two had not? Was she about to look up and expose my strangeness? Did she hate me already? But no, she seemed to not notice me, nor her friends looking at her. So I introduced myself

“Um… my name is Calliope. I use She/Her pronouns…” I had meant it to sound more cool and confident, but it had come out as more of a timid mutter. Alex seemed to hear me anyway since she smiled at me again.

“That’s a pretty name! This is my friend Natasha. Also She/Her pronouns, not really sure what’s wrong with her. Probably just had a bad day.” The girl - Natasha - looked up then. She didn’t say anything, just nodded slightly and smiled apologetically at me. As if by instinct, I nodded at her, then went back to eating. Try as I might, I could not stop worrying about her. Her purposefully blank face arose in my mind again and again, no matter how many times I tried to banish it. I sighed inwardly and did my best to keep my anxiety off my face for the rest of the day.

#original writing #writing #writers of tumblr #queer writers #writers on tumblr

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horse-girl-anthy · 1 year

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Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks..

tbh this is extremely hard to answer because I have many interests. I’m sure I’ll feel bad when I remember the hundred other characters that should have made the list. I’m not putting any Ikuhara characters because it’d been too hard to pick and honestly I’d have to go through each work individually.

1. Tenma from Naoki Urasawa’s Monster. I don’t claim to be a complicated person, alright. I just think he’s nice. every time I read Monster I get more attached to him like a little baby duck, which is what all the other characters in that story do as well so I’m valid. trying to put it into words is hard--he’s just an alluring combo of pathetic, ridiculous, cool, strong, and kind. plus he kinda becomes a religious figure by the end and I’m a sucker for that shit.

2. Xie Lian from TGCF/Heaven Official’s Blessing. I read the novels this summer after watching the donghua. I was just expecting a decent BL, but what I got was epic historical supernatural fiction (and BL). Xie Lian is such an impressively written character. his story helped me deal with my own fall from grace, as it were, and was overall cathartic and engaging. plus he’s my type. step aside Hua Cheng, I’d die for him first.

3. Orel from Moral Orel. I love this show a lot because of its focus on the cruelty and hypocrisy of WASP America, and Orel is relatable for struggling to understand the bulltshit answers he gets to all his questions. he’s a lot more innocent than I was as a kid, but I think his kind of purity plays well against the satirical, dark edge of the show.

4. Reki from Haibane Renmei. most of the reasons I love her aren’t revealed until the very end of the show. I’ll say that I love her because she’s the ultimate manifestation of the story’s themes of guilt and redemption.

5. Ishida from Koe no Katachi. I just finished rereading this manga recently. if you want a character who does wrong, suffers, tries to change himself, but finds it isn’t that easy, Ishida is your man. he’s such a funny, well-written teen boy, but also someone I think anyone from any background can see themselves in--the good and the bad.

6. Naruto from... you know. Naruto was the first anime I became really obsessed with, when I was in middle school, and Naruto himself is the first character I can remember becoming attached to in an intense, lasting way. I loved him so much and I still have that attachment to him. he’s so, so cute, and so, so lovable. when I’m done with my first round of Ikuhara vids, I’m going to download Naruto so I can make my friend a Sasuke fancam and I’m also gonna make a Naruto edit just for me :)

7. Miyuki from Naoki Urasawa’s Happy! I’ve read everything by Urasawa except for Yawara, and I’m one of the only people who seems to have read Happy! I gotta say, would I pick it as one of his best works? no. I love everything he’s done, but something like 20th Century Boys or Billy Bat is clearly a more serious, meaningful story than Happy!, which comes out of his transition phase between writing romantic comedy sports manga and his later thrillers. however... Happy! is one of those works which makes me lose my mind regardless of quality. and Miyuki, the main character, is just so damn adorable. I find her a very appealing, sweet character. beyond that, kind of like Monster, the entire story is about people trying to break her down, but she refuses to ever give up and I love that sort of thing when played right.

8. Ged from Ursula K. Le Guin’s Earthsea series. I am still digging into Le Guin’s body of work but I’ve read most of her novels and short story collections. I could absolutely make a top ten list with just characters from her books. however, I managed to narrow it down to just three from this list, all from the Earthsea books. Ged is the only character who appears in all six books, and the reader gets to experience close the entire course of his life. he starts as an arrogant, careless boy and grows into a wise man. Le Guin decided not to leave him after he does his final great act, and his story continues after he loses his power. Tehanu, the fourth book in the series, is probably my favorite book I’ve ever read, I’ve thought about writing an analysis comparing it with RGU, and one of its main themes is life after loss and trauma. his story interwines with the next two characters on this list.

9. Tenar from Earthsea. like Ged, we get to see most of her life throughout the books. book 2 contains her coming of age story, while Tehanu features her as a widow, struggling between the life of an ordinary woman and her status in the mythology of Earthsea. she brings so much fire, mirth, and strength to the series. she’s someone I wish I had in my life, and if you really pressed me, she’s my favorite character Le Guin ever wrote.

10. Tehanu from Earthsea. this character is a strange one to try to write about. I’ve seen people criticize her writing by saying there’s nothing to her, she’s just a vessel for the story. but I can’t agree. as someone who’s known people who went through severe childhood trauma, I think that Tehanu is written with thought and care. I love how unnerving and unknowable she is, but also how she is written like she’s any other child. the ending of her story in the final book made me sob and sob and sob.

sources for the last three images because they’re fanart: 1, 2, 3

#these are in no particular order btw..........#ty for the ask #i do love to talk about things i love!#i took off Oofuri characters #more Le Guin protagonists #some of my fav movie characters #other Urasawa characters #theres v minor characters whove made a huge impression on me like Misae from Paranoia Agent #but this is a p good summary of the characters who make me the craziest

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lonelier-version-of-you · 10 months

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It’s taken me long enough to write up my thoughts on the latest two Casualty episodes, but I’m finally doing it now, and hey, late is better than never.

S37E34 “Separation”:

This was an excellent episode!! Probably one of my favourites from this series so far - and I liked it all the better, of course, for not having any scenes with Faith. (It was very good in its own right, though, even putting aside the relief of getting a break from Faith.)

Oh, Jacob, Jacob, Jacob. I wish I could give him a hug. :( His storyline is being brilliantly done, but it’s nonetheless very sad to see him struggling so much. Especially with how he’s avoiding therapy and others’ support. I tend to relate a lot to characters who are traumatised but don’t want help because they don’t think they deserve it, so... yeah.

Charles Venn’s performances have been absolutely wonderful throughout this entire storyline, but I thought he was especially outstanding in this episode. In particular, the moment between Jacob and Billie where she wanted him to kiss her, and Jacob hesitated - as though he clearly didn’t want to (well, I suppose more like he did want to but wasn’t quite ready, but hopefully you know what I mean anyway), but he made himself kiss her anyway. Some beautifully subtle acting there. And again, it shows very well how Tina has affected Jacob mentally - I’m sure Billie would have been fine if Jacob had said no, but he felt like he had to. That it was what he “should” do. (I think one could parallel/contrast this, as well, to the scene in Ethan’s last ep where Jacob went on the date with - May, I think her name was? And he panicked and left.)

I could write whole essays about this storyline and everything Jacob’s going through at the moment, and I think I probably will, but I’ll wait until after the next ep.

The plot device of Jacob running into Billie on a shout felt like something that could’ve easily seemed forced into the episode, but it worked out very very well! Billie seems really nice in general, but sadly, I have a feeling their relationship won’t go well. Jacob’s not emotionally ready for a relationship right now IMO - well, I think he could make a go of it, but he needs support and therapy too, not just another romance, that by itself isn’t going to help him - and I think on some level or another he knows that. Which is part of what makes this all so sad. :(

The Max and Jodie storyline is still very interesting to me, and I’m really enjoying their scenes together! Maybe part of why I like it so much is that it, and Max in general to some extent, makes me think of Henrik - a consultant doctor who walked out on his daughter/son respectively, and now their dynamic is strained because of it. Although I like to think things will turn out happier for Max and Jodie.

The patient storylines were very good. I particularly liked the storyline about the two sisters.

The Dylan and Donna scenes were great - well, when aren’t they?! I don’t have a lot to say about those, but yeah, I’m still very pleased Donna came over to Casualty and that they’ve made her friends with Dylan. :)

And it turns out Ryan - or Harry Tressler 2.0 as I’ve been jokingly calling him in my mind - is bi! Good for him, and it’s nice to have representation. Ryan’s my least favourite of this nurse quartet for his personality (I mean, him spreading rumours about Jodie hasn’t been exactly endearing him to me!), but I am glad to have some more queer rep anyway. And maybe I’m taking things a bit far by thinking of him as “Harry Tressler 2.0″, because Ryan’s had moments where I quite like him (like the one in this ep, when he’s basically like “oh, I like men, I just don’t like you”), and I don’t think there’s been any moments where I’ve liked Harry Tressler (unless I’m forgetting some).

S37E35 “Deliverance”:

I like that this one happens to have the same title as one of my favourite CHVRCHES songs! And it was a pretty good episode in general, too, though I liked it less than “Separation” because this one did have Faith in it. :/

The Jacob comedy stuff was alright, but it feels a bit odd because most of his storyline recently has been so serious. Having said that, I loved the little moment of him dancing! That was adorable.

Di Botcher was great in this episode. I just wanted to acknowledge that - she’s a brilliant actress. I hope Jan and Ffion reunite eventually, though!

The Max and Jodie stuff is still good, but I feel like Jodie’s maybe having too much drama too quickly. I’d like to see Cam and Rida get some dramatic storylines, so that Jodie’s scenes can focus just on the storyline with Max for a while, rather than having these other big stories as well. Having said that, Jodie reminds me somewhat of Gemma Wilde, who had some big dramatic storylines soon after she arrived too and got a lot of great scenes out of it (S15 E20 “Unravelled” is one of my favourite episodes about dealing with trauma that Holby ever did). So idk.

Speaking of Cam, the whole thing with him having a crush on Jodie makes me think of Arthur’s crush on Chantelle in Holby. Has anyone else been thinking that too? It is a bit different though, as Arthur and Chantelle never lived together, as far as I can remember!! But yeah, I keep kind of expecting Cam to make a mixtape for Jodie like Arthur did, lol.

A Ryan/Jodie romance could be interesting. I have no idea where their storyline will go, so I’m very intrigued to see what comes of it.

#BBC Casualty #Jacob Masters

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bananaman-mp3 · 2 years

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eleven is a metaphor for being a trans girl.

a little theory i’ve had for some days now that i think fits el eerily well. i’ll start from the very beginning.

in season 1

she’s very much boyish looking from her haircut and the fact that shes hasn’t hit puberty/is just about to. we know for a fact that she’s been brenner’s toy for pretty much all her life, and has never had any agency up until he met the party. the man hopper interviewed about will even thought he was a boy (and could possibly be will). here we’ve already got two pieces of evidence 1. she was never allowed to do anything aside from training, and rebelling, even if absolutely justified is heavily punished. 2. she was always forced to look like a boy, it wasn’t her choice. that rings a bell, doesn’t it? later on, when mike takes her to his house, we see her looking at a picture of nancy and thinking she’s pretty, and later on, she says the same thing after the party makes a fake girly outfit. she likes it. and up to this point, we’re not sure how aware eleven is of social gender norms. for all we know she’s just happy to look like a girl, she doesn’t even know that’s what society would expect from her if she didn’t grow up as an experiment. and yes, this outfit wasn’t something she chose, but we see she likes it. and later on, when she tries fixing her outfit, she asks mike if she’s still pretty. and it’s very obvious that she doesn’t want to be pretty for mike- she wouldn’t even know about romance or flirting at this point! -she wants to be pretty because nancy is pretty. and she wants to be like her.

in season 2

there’s less to look at, other than we see her grow her hair out. in every other way, she seems trapped all over again. hopper doesn’t want her to go out because it’s dangerous, and she eventually rebels and leaves, to look for her mom. she’s trying to know more about herself too, in that regard. she meets kali and gets a punk makeover- which again, isn’t exactly her choice, but she clearly enjoys it. -even if this doesn’t fit very neatly onto the looks argument- shes still trying to learn about herself and look for comfort. she learns that she’s not cold and resentful like kali, she learns that she has a mom and an aunt, even if she eventually returns to her friends and adoptive dad. it’s part of her arc.

in season 3

her arc is literally about learning she has agency and she can do things that are not boy-related. she finally embraces doing what she wants and wearing what she likes, all with max’s help. i think it was great that max and el became good friends this season, i feel like it really helped her grow. even if on occasion it seems max’s advice in regards to dating isn’t exactly good, she clearly likes finally having a girl to go shopping and having sleepovers with. fuck, i think i might ship elmax after spending time with max, she takes her advices and dumps mike for lying to her. and maybe the way hopper forced them apart was artificial, but the narrative really supports the idea that el needed to look outside of mike and hopper to grow as person. she needs more agency and choice. she deserves to wear her pretty girl clothes and read wonder woman and BEING A GIRL!

season 4

shows us how she’s still struggling with fitting in, she’s bullied -presumably because she’s new or different, hell, teenagers suck ass and don’t even need a reason for that- but it coincides with the point at which she has finally allowed herself to be a normal girl. who else gets bullied for nothing but trying to live as a normal girl? hm. the depressing things is- here she’s pretty much defenseless. she’s lost her power and has only one friend here, who like her, has had traumatic experiences and has trouble standing up to himself. And when she finally stands up for herself, she gets in trouble. and she might’ve gone too far, but as far as we’re concerned, angela has been terrorizing her since the beginning. she was just bottling it up, because at the end of the day- she still wanted to be angela’s friend. even if she hated her. she wanted to be liked.

tl;dr:

#stranger things #eleven #elmax #eleven stranger things #jane hopper #tagging this w #byler #so that ppl see it >:(

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jesuisgourde · 2 years

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under a readmore because it’s yet another ramble about Richey and this book that has been stewing in my brain and I just need to get it out but it’s probably not very coherent and also discusses potentially triggering topics

I’ve been trying to put my finger on this as I’ve been reading this book, about why the way they pretty much ignore his mental illness is so weird to me. I mean obviously they’re very unempathetic about it and it sort of feels like they’re saying he did it to himself or whatever, but that’s not what I’m thinking about because I know that’s just absolute bullshit.

I think the treatment of Richey in this book is very different from the way the band treat the subject because something that always comes up in interviews is how the rest of the band were aware of Richey’s struggle but felt helpless and just didn’t really know what to do or how to help him, and often they talk about how they felt he was operating on a completely different plane from them. Whereas the book, aside from the mention of his first attempted suicide and subsequent hospitalisation, doesn’t really seem to consider his mental health problems that relevant? But at the same time they specifically presented anecdotes that made him seem Really Crazy. And then they turn round and ignore it.

Which is like. Just so weird. Especially because if you list off the various anecdotes and events from late 93 onward, include the new stuff given by this book, it certainly adds up quite clearly to some sort of breakdown or mental distress or something.

As I was driving to work today I was thinking about some of the stories or comments that come up about Richey pretty ubiquitously when Nicky gets interviewed. First of all this book gives like a single sentence to the fact that one of the main reasons the late 94 tour was cancelled is because Richey had some sort of episode and was banging his head on the wall saying “I want to go home” which idk should be an indication that things are going badly. It’s just so odd that pretty much everything seems to gloss over that episode in particular. Not to mention not too long before that episode he’d already slashed his chest too and needed a bunch of stitches. So like clearly he was not well.

But also Nicky always talks about how by the end of 94 Richey wasn’t sleeping, wasn’t eating, was smoking a million cigarettes a day and drinking absurd amounts of coffee, and more than anything he mentions how much Richey was consuming in terms of media, reading like 6 books a week and watching loads of films and reading the news all the time and obsessing over tiny details and calling Nicky at weird hours to ask weird questions and stuff. And then this book gives anecdotes about him having anxiety about leaving the house and intrusive thoughts of self harm and things like that. Idk it sounds like dysphoric mania to me, like the mixed state where you have symptoms of mania and depression at the same time. Plus an episode of dysphoric mania means you have a higher risk of suicide.

I think the issue I have with this book re: all of this stuff is that it ignores whatever obvious pain and struggle and turmoil Richey was going through in favour of a conclusion that is more satisfying for the people who are left behind. Maybe it’s to avoid feeling guilty about not helping him? (Because they also do a lot of blaming of the band for not helping him, even though they very much did.) But even then to some extent a) the treatment he was given clearly was not a match for him and b) you can’t really force someone to change or get better or move in a different direction if they don’t want to. It just baffles me that this book and other various sources give us all these events of alcoholism, breakdown, attempted suicide, traumatizing hospitalisation, rehab and then straight back to touring without better coping mechanisms, severe self harm, anorexia, insomnia, withdrawal, severe anxiety, some sort of mania or something, plus grief from the death of a childhood pet and (alleged) breakup, and general tensions/insecurities about the band and such, and the conclusion they come to is some sort of long-planned disappearance. And not some sort of mental breakdown or psychotic break or other psychological crisis due to long term untreated/badly treated mental illness and stress resulting in completing the suicide that had been attempted/rehearsed 6 months prior.

Specifically the head-bashing is what I’m stuck on re: this book’s dismissal of his problems because many people self-harm all the time as a sort of regulatory coping mechanism (if there’s such a phrase, but y’all know what I mean) and while it’s not healthy, ultimately, it’s not necessarily an indication of a severe and immediate issue, whereas bashing your head repeatedly into a wall until your face bleeds is much more severe behaviour.

Also I’m a little surprised no one has made the connection between Richey’s behaviour at the time and some sort of mania or mixed state. The “functioning on a different plane” thing fits here too because like yeah he was very very smart but he was also phoning Nick up with bizarre questions and doing erratic things and the JFPL lyrics are so stuffed with ideas it definitely feels like some sort of on-the-edge-of-a-break type of mania in text.

I think the biggest problem this book has is that the writers cannot seem to comprehend suicidal ideation. They can’t seem to put themselves in the shoes of someone going through severe mental health problems, who has had his unhealthy coping mechanisms taken away from him but was given nothing concrete to replace them, who is feeling bad about his place in the band and the burden on his friends, who is going through grief and stress and depression and anxiety and perhaps a mixed mania, to an even greater degree than when he attempted suicide the first time. Put yourself in those shoes and it’s pretty obvious what conclusion someone going through all that would come to.

Like I said this is just rambling and I don’t think I really have a place to put any of these thoughts in my writeup but it’s just a nail I’m stuck on I guess because this book so intensely wants to pretend Richey’s struggles weren’t that bad or that if they were bad, the band didn’t do enough to help or whatever. My issue is that it doesn’t seem to be able to acknowledge severe mental illness as a real, high percentage of possibility option. A sort of “well my [relation] has all these symptoms but he isn’t like those other crazy people, he’s not that bad” situation of denial or whatever.

This ramble doesn’t have a conclusion or anything it’s just me putting thoughts down but yeah this book is so bizarre and just can’t seem to comprehend the concept severe mental health issues and suicide as a result of those problems.

#squash rambles #uhhh tw for self harm suicide etc all the stuff that general comes with discussion of richey #feel free to respond with thoughts if you have them this was just me spitting this brain train out in one go #wt writeup

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secret-diary-of-an-fa · 4 months

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The End of Year Movie Roundup You Didn't Know You Wanted (And Don't)

Crikey Mc Crikington IV! It’s been an interesting couple of years in the world of movies and TV, hasn’t it? Ever since 2016, it’s felt like good movies and TV shows are rare gems bobbing around in a sea of filth, never getting the attention they deserve and then disappearing back into the undifferentiated swill of garbage. It’s not that good stuff hasn’t been getting made- it’s just that it’s been struggling in a landscape dominated by absolute, reeking arse. But since, ooh, the latter part of 2022 to now, things feel a bit different, don’t they? It seems like the good stuff has been gaining ground; that- for a change- neither the alt-right, froth-mouthed dicks or the woke-washed virtue-signalling shitheads are winning the culture war. Instead, actual culture seems to be winning. Fancy fucking that. Of course, when I say ‘culture’, I don’t necessarily mean high culture. Nope. I’m talkin’ ‘bout that sweeeeet pop and pulp culture, y’all! Of course, there’s been a fair amount of blithering crap, too, but with the companies that push it (mainly Disney) haemorrhaging money like someone stabbed a bank, most of it feels increasingly irrelevant. So, I’m going to use this blog to deliver capsule reviews of the things that- to me- exemplify the best of last couple of years of pop culture, meaning some cack will make it into the mix. They’re not in chronological order or anything, by the way (though I have stuck the films ahead of the TV series). They’re just in the order that I felt like writing about them. Oh, boohoo, cry me a fucking river- it’s not like you pay for this shit.

John Wick Chapter 4 You’d think watching Keanu Reeves get thrown down stairs and off tall objects would eventually get old but, for some reason, it really, really doesn’t. The John Wick films are truly excellent pieces of cinema and have been from the start. Aside from being incredibly satisfying, violent, gritty revenge movies with fight choreography that would give Ghandi a hardon, they’re also beautiful, intricate exercises in subtle, intelligent world-building in which just a few key words or phrases- or a carefully-selected symbolic object- can pack an enormous amount of information into a few seconds. Oh, and they’re contemplations on the nature of honour and consequences that somehow transcend and act as a comment upon the genre of their birth without ever feeling like a trite condemnation or deconstruction of it. The fourth part does an excellent job of tying the series-thus-far together and providing a meaningful conclusion, which also happens to come loaded with some of the most brilliantly inventive action sequences of any movie from the past fifty years, a sound-track to die for and set-dressing to fucking drool over. No, it won’t be the last one of these- the films make too much money to just bury after four, despite the very final ending- but I appreciate that the movie treats itself as a finale and actually pays off and ties up all the storylines we’ve so far encountered. It’s nice to see a movie that acts like a movie rather than a mere episode of something; that has the panache to commit to the pretence of to its own myth-making. Easily one of my favourite flicks for a good, long time.

Smile Have I reviewed this before? I don’t remember or care: it’s so good, I’ll happily tell you how good it is a million times! In horror films, mental illness is very often the seasoning on a big plate of terrifying shizz, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen it used as effectively as it is here, with the main character understanding from the get-go that the supernatural horror she’s experiencing mimicks a mental breakdown and tailoring her responses and survival strategies accordingly. Meanwhile, the unnamed entity manipulates perception and its victim’s psychopathology in a way that’s clearly designed to eat away at her sense of reality while also making other people think she’s crazy and alienating her from her support network. The result is a tense, terrifying cat-and-mouse game between an intelligent, adaptable protagonist with wits and an actual, physical body on their side and an unknowable, awful entity with absolute power over their perception of reality but no corporeal form with which to threaten them. The threat feels plausible and horrifying, but we- as viewers- never become inured to it, because it also seems surmountable: we don’t just switch off and accept the lead character’s fate (a problem with a lot of horror movies) because there is a chance of survival, and we feel that right from the off. The body-horror reveal of the monster’s true form (or, at least, the form it chooses to project during the final stages of its assault) is spectacular, gripping and shit-your-pants scary. Seriously, this film won’t just have made money for cinemas: it will have saved countless laundromats and dry-cleaners from going out of business. It’s trouser-ruiningly good. If you need to be scared out of your tiny mind at short notice, I can whole-heartedly recommend Smile.

Luther: The Fallen Sun Fuckin’ Nora, Idris, do you want some mash to go with this absolute banger of a movie? I found out after watching it that this flick got mediocre reviews and that really only serves to demonstrate that most film critics couldn’t find their arses with a state-of-the-art laser-guided arse-finding system. I suspect that the problem most critics had is that they went in expecting a police procedural and got a neo-noir thriller in which the method of investigation is less important than the spectacular nature of the crime, the heroism of the protagonist and the character of the setting. This is a slick, stylish little movie, polished until it slightly outshines most supernovas. It’s set predominantly in a version of London that feels less like the modern world and more like the city in the grip of the Crays- its like a parallel universe where the tropes and aesthetic preoccupations of the Diamond Geezer era never went away and instead evolved alongside technology. That was also the original Luther series, of course, so you’d think people would know what to expect, but it’s been awhile since that aired and modern critics and audiences apparently have the memory spans of fucking grasshoppers. Now, to return to the point: style, an interesting world, a compellingly psychotic villain and the presence of Idris Elba all make this a good film, but the reason it’s a great film is much more basic: it actually makes you feel things. It depresses me that the bar has sunk that low in recent years, since movies purport to be art and the whole point of art is to make you feel stuff, but very few modern movies have engaged me like Luther, which absolutely nails its pacing, scripting and acting to produce something that hits right in the soul. Without spoiling anything, there’s a bit involving a room filling with gasoline while a filament slowly heats up to ignition-temperature… and halfway through, I realised my heart was racing, my palms were starting to sweat and I was clenching my teeth, desperately hoping that the two characters trapped inside would make it out alright- even though I’d spent most of the movie wanting to slap one of them. I’ve seen movies with clashing armies and exploding planets that felt less epic. A truly well-crafted movie can do more with a single lit fuse than a standard-issue flick can achieve with an entire fireworks display. And that’s why you ought to see this movie.

If you’ll permit me to go a bit meta before we move on, this is also the thing I’ve been begging for since the BBC ruined Doctor Who and deprived me of a lead in the mainstream media I could relate to and root for. I mean, I know Doctor Who's good again now anyway, but I appreciate this too. We’ve got a British hero who thinks his way around problems and displays a laudable- even noble- version of masculinity that’s been missing from screens for a really long time (and he gets to be the hero right up until the end- there’s no fucking bait-and-switch bullshit here). We’ve got a world that’s sufficiently different from the real world to be worth exploring. We’ve got absolutely zero virtual-signalling impinging on the plot and characterisation. And that’s it. This is literally all I fucking wanted. Not so fucking hard, was it, mainstream media? Why the fuck did I have to wait so fucking long?

Oppenheimer And now, ladies and gentlemen, we come to a piece of cinema so glorious- so beautifully-crafted and intricate and meaningful- that I have absolutely no hesitation in calling it the best movie of the decade. I also have no hesitation in calling it ‘Boppenheimer’, because it is an absolute fucking bop and I’ll fight anyone who says different. Folks, if this movie is still playing at a cinema near you, go and see it. If it’s not, find some other way to see it. This isn’t just the height of Christopher Nolan’s movie-making career- the apotheosis of his talents and a showcase for the amazing actors he can attract- it’s also a true cultural moment: something that everyone should share in and appreciate together. It’s hard to describe what makes this film so fucking good, but you know what? I’m going to have a crack at it! Ostensibly, it’s a retelling of the invention of the atomic bomb and the aftermath of its first detonations in a theatre of war. But it’s so, so much more. It’s a character study reflecting on the motives, flaws and redemptive qualities of a Jewish man terrified that Nazi Germany would unlock the power of the atom before the allies. It’s a reappraisal of this man- who has oft been condemned for bringing such an evil invention into the world- recognising that he was a pawn of much darker forces doing what little he could do to spare the world yet greater evils. It’s an exposé of the way the US government of the time exploited and then tossed aside the nation’s brightest minds; using their insight and intellectual labour but refusing to listen to their dire warnings about the misuse of the power they were developing. It’s a study of the prejudices and flawed relations that characterised life in the 1940s and 50s. It’s a deep dive into the workings of the mid-20th Century scientific community. It is, quite simply, brilliant. From its visualisation of atomic physics to the ingenious ways it finds to show Oppenheimer’s doubt and guilt over the use of his weapon, Oppenheimer is a once-in-a-generation piece of media whose import and significance can’t and shouldn’t be denied. I thoroughly expect it to take its place in the western cinematic canon alongside Citizen Kane, Doctor Strangelove, The Seventh Seal, Alien, The Truman Show and other lightning-in-a-bottle one-offs whose existence could never have been conceived before they came screaming into existence with the swagger of inevitability and- appropriately in this case- the explosive roar of sheer newness.

Er… I really like this film.

Slumberland And now, a family film! A fucking excellent family film, in fact! Loosely based on the Little Nemo in Slumberland comic strips from the 1930s (and I do mean loosely), it’s a movie about a troubled young girl dealing with tragedy by escaping into a very literal world of dreams, which ultimately serves as the route and method by which she forges new, meaningful connections in the waking world. And if that sounds a little heavy, don’t panic: there’s also a scene in which we learn that the most popular dream in Canada involves riding a giant goose like a fucking dragon. I don’t want to spoil too much of this one, because every dream sequence and plot-point is delightfully inventive and unexpected and really deserves to be experienced fresh. It’s rare to stumble onto something so thoroughly and completely charming and it’s always refreshing when you do. Slumberland handles important themes with a lightness and dextrousness that makes them accessible and comprehensible to the younger members of its audience while keeping its world and plot vital and interesting for older viewers who might already have had their fill of such themes. Normally, I’d deduct points for gender-flipping the main character from the source material, but on this occasion it’s a bit of a non-issue. The Nemo of the comics was a bit of cipher and- if you really need him to be in it, it’s kind of heavily implied that this Nemo’s father was the original. Besides which, Jason Mamoa’s over-exuberant dream-dweller, ‘Flip’, provides a sympathetic masculine presence for any young lads in the audience and he gets nearly as much screen time as the ostensible POV character. So, having addressed the elephant in the room, all that remains to say is: THIS IS A VERY FUCKING GOOD FAMILY FILM. Though maybe not quite as good as…

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish Excuse me, but what fucking right does this film have to be as good as it is? I mean, it’s a spin-off of a minor character from the Shrek films about a talking cat going on a quest to find a magic star that grants wishes. Why the fuck is it one of the best things I’ve seen in years? I mean, on the surface, it’s just a really fun family flick. It’s funny; its set-pieces are creative; its characters are entertaining and larger than life; its animation style is fresh and frankly enchanting. But then it also decided that it wanted to be a meditation on confronting the ageing process and its implied threat of mortality. And it fucking nails it. It’s not prescriptive or lecturing: it sympathises with Puss’s fears as he realises he’s used up all but one of his nine lives… but it ultimately shows that his increasing age doesn’t have to define him. Add a few quiet, tender moments of the kind often missing from the hyperactive movies of the last few years, a wonderfully psychotic villain and a B-plot about the value of found families, bonded by love rather than blood, and what you have is a truly excellent slice of entertainment that wears its heart on its sleeve and, in a landscape littered with insincere corporate garbage, is remarkable for its sincerity.

A Haunting in Venice Okay, brutal honesty time: Kenneth Brannaugh (who I just misspelled) isn’t as good in the role of Poirot as David Suchet was. However, it feels unfair to judge him or his take on Agatha Christie’s classic mysteries by that metric, since Suchet’s Poirot was a spectacular, long-running, genre-defining figure who probably won’t be equalled in televised detection fiction any time this millennium. Judged on its own merits, A Haunting in Venice is a deliciously intricate, intelligently-realised film which succeeds in saying something new about its central character and doing something new with its genre. Loosely based on Christie’s The Halloween Party, A Haunting in Venice takes on the overtones of a horror story and pits Poirot against forces that may be genuinely supernatural in a setting and world that embraces gothic aesthetics and conceits as much as it does those of the detective-genre. I don’t want to give too much away, but I will see that A Haunting in Venice finds just the right balance between horror and rationality and toys with ambiguity in a way that a lot of modern movies- keen to over-explain things to an imagined audience of thickos- might miss. It also knows how to treat its subject matter with sobriety when it counts without sacrificing an overall sense of playfulness.

A final note: its predecessor, Death on the Nile, was probably the weakest of the Brannaugh trilogy (and Venice does feel like the final entry in a trilogy), despite the welcome presence of Dawn French as an eccentric communist lesbian. Death on the Nile made its Poirot a little too prickly and unforgiving and also had him reflect Christie’s real-life conservative-with-a-small-c politics, which (though confined to one or two lines) made for uncomfortable viewing at best. While I understand the intention was to contrast him against characters who today’s viewers would find more relatable, it served to rob the protagonist of some of his wisdom and mystery (Poirot needn’t be a paragon of progressivism- in fact, that would be just as bad- but he ought to be above such things; a rarefied figure concerned less with politics than his own moral imperatives). Luckily, Venice seems to have learned from these mistakes and eschews even minor forays into politics, preferring instead to focus on character drama and a battle between rationality and magical thinking to generate its various tensions. Yeah. Good choice.

Peacemaker That more or less does it for the films (well, the good films- the dreck will get their own blog at some point), but there’s still a couple of telly shows I want to talk about. Starting with this one! Peacemaker is one of the funniest, most over-the-top shows of the last ten years. Billed as a superhero program, it’s really more a comedy and ode to schlocky pop culture framed that uses a superhero story as a framing device. While it also has some important and timely things to say about the threat of climate crisis and ends on a bit of a downer (which I won’t spoil), the overall experience is one of hilarious, ludicrous, over-the-top scenes punctuated by some of the best heavy rock ever used in any show’s soundtrack and a lot of down-time devoted exclusively to really, really funny dialogue. If you liked Archer but felt it could benefit from more heavy metal interludes, the comedy here is very much in the same style: people talking at cross-purposes in a way that leverages their clashing belief systems, background and mental illnesses for comic effect. Ultimately, as with Archer, its acerbic tartness also serves as cover for a heart of gold. There’s no meanness of spirit or coldness to Peacemaker. If anything, I’d describe its approach to characterisation as joyously redemptive, while its overt inclusivity isn’t the clinical box-ticking of most Hollywood ‘diversity’, but rather seems to stem from an all-embracing, eclectic fascination with the way human beings are shaped by background and divergent life-experiences. It’s really, really good to see this done well for a change.

Oh, and there’s bits that are also a bit sexy.

One Piece I never got round to watching the original One Piece anime, despite my abiding affection for Japanese animation. That wasn’t a deliberate thing- there was just always something else to watch first. As it turns out, that was a stroke of luck, since I now get to watch the English-language, live-action adaptation fresh and it’s a fucking delight. It’s also so profoundly weird that I have no idea how to explain why it’s so good to a normal, sane reader. Between the violently revolutionary fish people, the murder-clowns with detachable body parts, the fruits that give you superpowers, the badass martial-arts chefs arguing over oregano, the sexy, plus-sized pirate queens, the sea-snails that act like living telephones and the high-ranking military leaders with very silly hats, it’s kind of hard to know where to start. What I can tell you is that the whole world of One Piece is absolutely fascinating: a nautical civilisation of a thousand islands whose technology seems to have evolved in such a way that sail-based ship-travel, gunpowder cannons and neon lights are all in use at the same time; where traditional aristocratic societies coexist with violent samurai clans; where piracy is less a crime than a lifestyle choice. I can tell you its characters are compelling and ridiculous… yet also compellingly, sincerely heroic in a way that western-origin protagonists are rarely allowed to be, lest the show-runners be accused of reinscribing toxic ideals. I can tell you that the fight scenes are epic and the special effects regard little things like physics with a magnificent degree of contempt. And, of course, I can tell you that it’s bloody good fun.

Doctor Who 2023 Specials After a shaky start with The Star Beast (which kinda felt like the first draft of a better script to me- see my full review) the Who specials shaped up to be some of the best telly in years- high concept sci-fi and cosmic horror seen through the lens of off-beat humour and silliness that my home country still does better than anywhere else. After the wilderness of the Chibnall/Whitaker years, the specials felt like getting Doctor Who back as an early Xmas present. I won’t go on and on here since I’ve written several full reviews for the individual episodes, but I feel it’s important to state again my delight that this exists.

And that’s probably enough to be getting on with, don’t you think? Well, guess what: you don’t get a vote! This is the end of the blog whether you like it or not. You can piss off now.

#secret diary of a fat admirer #movies #films #telly shows #movies 2023 #films 2023 #Doctor Who #Luther #John Wick #Etc

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