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jaxsteamblog · 3 years

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Love Letters

This is the plain text version of an IMAGE SET! Please check out the chapter on AO3 for the visual, or enjoy the plain text here! If you end up liking the visual chapter, make sure to thank @the--descension and their fic, as well as @zk-modernau!

Click here to read the full fic on AO3

Image ID: Screenshots of a text chat between Katara in green chat bubbles and Zuko in white chat bubbles. / End Image ID

[Author’s note, timestamps are not included in this transcript as they were not accurately edited in the app. Texts will be labelled by sender first, followed by the message. Readers using accessible software please be aware that text messages will include extra punctuation for emphasis and misspellings. Emojis used will be typed out as a description.]

Blue text box with the date December 09, 2020

Yellow text box with lock symbol that reads Messages to this chat and calls are now secured with end-to-end encryption. Tap for more info.

Katara: BTFS!!!!!

Zuko: That good huh?

Katara: WHY are there so many earth kingdom cities????

Zuko: Oh, geography class. My favorite.

Katara: Crying emoji. This is worse than anatomy.

Zuko: NOTHING is worse than anatomy.

Katara: True.

Katara: But why do I have to memorize this? I can Booble ALL OF IT.

Zuko: Same reasons as anatomy.

Katara: Three red angry emojis

Katara: I’m making everyone wear name tags.

Zuko: That’s one way to handle it.

Zuko: Have you learned anything about FN yet?

Katara: Why else am I dating you if not for that?

Zuko: I thought it was for my stunning good looks….

Katara: I do miss your face.

Zuko: I miss yours too.

Katara: You’re coming for the coronation right?

Zuko: That’s the plan.

Katara: How is your family being?

Zuko: Terrible, as usual. Who knew a failed kidnapping plot would put them in such a bad mood?

Katara: Straight face emoji

Katara: I still think you should’ve said something.

Zuko: It would just make things worse.

Katara: I know.

Katara: I keep thinking about you during these stupid lessons.

Katara: I can’t believe you already know all this BS.

Zuko: I’ve been learning it since I was a kid. Male shrug emoji

Katara: Sure, but I’ve seen your interviews and stuff.

Katara: You’re really good at it.

Zuko: Aww, are you internet stalking me???

Katara: Shut up!!!

Katara: I feel like every interviewer has a crush on you.

Zuko: Again, my stunning good looks.

Katara: That’s starting to sound like sarcasm. You are aware that you’re handsome, right?

Zuko: Love IS blind.

Katara: I’m serious! You have really nice cheekbones.

Zuko: And you say you can’t be diplomatic.

Katara: You’re impossible.

Zuko: I just don’t do well with compliments like that.

Katara: I’ll have to find other ways to compliment you then. Smiling devil emoji

Zuko: Sounds like a challenge.

Katara: I have to go. Arnook has me working with Pakku on “Courtly Behaviors.”

Zuko: Sounds terrible. Have fun!

Katara: Miss you! Six emoji hearts alternating red and blue

Zuko: Miss you too.

Blue text box with the date December 22, 2020

Zuko: So, by the end of it, Uncle had the guy by his collar and the wife was mortified.

Katara: I cannot believe this happened.

Zuko: Me neither. It only ever happens when I’m home.

Katara: Do you ever wish you stayed in Ba Sing Se?

Zuko: I used to, from time to time.

Katara: Not now?

Zuko: Now I think about how the Water Tribe Queen can’t go around dating a tea server.

Katara: What if we both left and ran off to the earth kingdom interior? We can open up our own tea and herb shop.

Zuko: Training not going well?

Katara: Training is FINE.

Katara: I just really miss you.

Zuko: I miss you too.

Zuko: I think about you all the time. It’s really distracting.

Zuko: I zoned out in the middle of an important luncheon today.

Katara: Why????

Zuko: I was thinking about you.

Katara: That’s dumb. You’re dumb.

Zuko: You like me dumb.

Katara: Hot and dumb, himbos forever.

Zuko: Hey, Thuy’s calling me. I gotta go.

Katara: Say hi!

Zuko: Will do. Talk to you later?

Katara: Heart eyes emoji

Blue text box with the date December 30, 2020

Katara: And it happens every new moon!

Zuko: That sounds like a lot of work every month.

Katara: It’s unbelievable.

Katara: I mean, maybe the South Pole did it before the war. But it’d be news to me.

Zuko: I guess that’s why they really want a Bender on the throne.

Katara: It makes things easier but also, we know the moon is going to come back. Like, scientifically.

Zuko: I think Arnook might be holding on for different reasons.

Katara: Shoot. Yeah. You’re right.

Katara: Crap, now I feel bad.

Zuko: Sorry. I do understand what you’re saying though.

Katara: Maybe I can change it? Make it more about Yue and less like we’re all gonna die if we don’t appease the spirits?

Zuko: That sounds reasonable.

Zuko: You’re really getting good at this.

Katara: I’m good with the tribe stuff. I’m still bad doing all this talking out the side of my mouth.

Zuko: Pardon? Monocle emoji

Katara: It’s an Earth Kingdom expression. When you’re not talking straight and buttering someone up. Or backhanded compliments.

Zuko: Unfortunately, you’ll have to do that a lot.

Katara: Whyyyyyy? I’ll be queen. What are they gonna do about it?

Zuko: Rebel?

Katara: Against the ocean? Eye roll emoji

Zuko: Sounding a bit tyrannical there darling. Fire emoji

Katara: They’re making me do all this stuff!!! It’s not fair!!!!

Zuko: It’ll get easier.

Katara: Can’t I just go visit you? Let’s go to Ember Island again.

Zuko: I wish.

Zuko: You look good on a beach.

Katara: Everyone looks good on a beach. That’s why it’s popular.

Zuko: Fair.

Katara: I can’t believe that was just a few months ago.

Zuko: I can’t believe we’ve been dating for a full season now.

Katara: Do we have an actual anniversary? Thinking emoji

Zuko: Honestly, I wasn’t thinking about it because I don’t want to jinx this.

Katara: Three cry laughing emojis

Katara: Would it be the summit tho?

Zuko: I guess so?

Katara: We wasted SO MUCH TIME this summer.

Zuko: Well…

Katara: It’s not my fault you were dating someone else.

Zuko: If I had been bolder during the war…

Katara: How would that have even worked?

Katara: I hadn’t even hit my peak rage against the Fire Nation

Zuko: Probably wouldn’t have been down for dating the crown prince then huh?

Katara: But it was you. So who knows?

Zuko: You think you would’ve still fallen for me?

Katara: Didn’t I do exactly that?

Zuko: That wasn’t me though.

Katara: Tomato, potato

Zuko: Your brother says that.

Katara: He stole it from ME!!!

Blue text box with the date January 03, 2021

Zuko: Sorry I missed your call.

Zuko: Kat?

Zuko: Are you mad at me?

Katara: Yes.

Zuko: I’m sorry Katara, the meeting ran long.

Katara: I know.

Katara: I’m still mad.

Katara: Today was really rough.

Zuko: What happened?

Katara: I don’t want to talk about it.

Zuko: Hey, did you want to call now? I’m free.

Katara: No.

Zuko: Katara.

Katara: I just really needed you!

Katara: Arnook keeps yelling at me because I keep forgetting names and stupid stuff like that, and Pakku is telling me that I’m going to cause the next world war because I’m rude, and now one will train with me because I’m the stupid princess now and I’m really really lonely!

Zuko: I’m sorry Katara, that really sucks.

Katara: It does suck!

Katara: And when I call my boyfriend when he told me he’d be free, he didn’t pick up!

Zuko: I couldn’t control that.

Katara: I know.

Katara: I’m sorry.

Katara: I really want to see you.

Zuko: We can video chat?

Katara: No, I really want to see you in person.

Katara: We just started dating but I never get to be with you.

Katara: And when we are together, something bad always happens.

Zuko: I know. I’m sorry.

Katara: It’s not your fault.

Zuko: It kinda is though. It’s my family.

Katara: I just wish you were here.

Zuko: Me too. But I’ll see you soon.

Katara: Ugh, don’t remind me. Fed up emoji

Zuko: You’re going to do great. And you’re not going to be taking over right away. Arnook is still around for a bit.

Katara: Promise YOU will be around for a bit?

Zuko: I’ll stay as long as I can.

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#zutara #fanfiction #jax writes #zutara month #modern au #the fic that prompts built

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just-like-playing-tag · 4 years

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Ok I've been tagged to a bit of tag games a while ago so I'm doing all of them in a single post. I feel like with some of them I was tagged by more than one person so sorry if I forgot to mention anyone,,

I was tagged by @shot-tothestars and @bluelric. Thank you for thinking about me <3

Rules: tag 10 follows you’d like to know better (Btw I don't get what does that mean? Do I have to tag people one follows, or people they're followed by?)

(Also I'm just skipping the questions I don't like, but here's all of them for reference in case someone else wants to do it!)

Cats or dogs: Definitely dogs!!

Current time: 12:14 pm when I started, then I stopped and now as the exact moment I'm posting this it's 01:20 am

Favorite animal: Uhm probably seaguls? But I really like birds in general, they look so free from everything. And cool marine creatures!!

When I made this blog: First post is from June the 13th!

Reason for url: Explained here :)

Tagging: Nobody here because I answered half of the questions so I don't find it fair to ask somebody to do it lol.

Tagged by @shot-tothestars; Again thank for tagging me; and feel free to hmu any time if you feel like it, I swear I don't bite XD

Rules: Tag 9 people you want to know better/catch up with

Three ships: Excluding tpn because that would be lame, the first that come to my mind are Bones x Kirk - Star Trek, (platonic) Elsa / Anna - Frozen, All Might x happiness - My Hero Academia. Now that I think about it, I've never been much of a shipping person? I personally find platonic relationships much more interesting.

Last song: The Opera - Natasha, Pierre & The Great Comet of 1812. Since it's quite a long song, I listen to it significantly less than the other songs from the recording- it's still a beautiful song tho.

Last movie: I may be wrong but I think it was J. J. Abrams' Super 8. I remember being very scared by it when I was younger, so I wanted to see if watching it again now it would have still scared me. It didn't, but it was a nice movie nonetheless!

Currently reading: Unfortunately I don't read much for myself during school, and even when it's finished I find it very hard to get back on track; but I really want to read War and Peace so that's probably the one I'm starting next- together with Dostoevsky's Notes from Underground because I can't possibly read just one book at once.

Currently watching: Some things. Avatar: The Last Airbender, Death Note, rewatching Kill la Kill with my cousin; also sporadically watching Steven Universe episodes and Law & Order (the original plus SVU) whenever it plays on TV. As bonus, I just finished watching Japan Sinks and Little Witch Academia. (I hadn't realized until now how many things I was watching and had watched, wow?? I'm glad I didn't waste time.)

Currently consuming: Nothing? Should I?

Food i’m craving: Uhm... The Wok to Walk I ate back in London last year... There's so many good places to eat in London and I live in a small small town with nothing to eat, it makes me want to cry ;;;;;;

Tagging: The last three people in my dms @fandoms-and-shitpost, @puff-poff, @acaderhmic; the last three people in my notes @illbecryinginthecorner, @cookiespace, @galezea; the last three people who followed me @yeoshin-est, @losertea, @soulessgingersthings.

Tagged by @bluelric and @stray-tori. Again thank you so much <3

Rules: Answer 17 questions and tag 17 people! (Please make sure to create a new post rather than reblogging!)

Nicknames: Tag? I love the nicknames you don't chose yourself, I think it's a cute thing

Age (the long lost question everyone was wondering about): Newly 19 bby 😎

Zodiac: Cancer according to astrology and Gemini according to astronomy (I don't really believe in astrology tho,,)

Height: I really have no idea. Average??

Last thing I googled: "little witch academia"

Song stuck in my head: Drift Away - Steven Universe: The Movie.

Number of followers: Really peoples one of the best things about Tumblr is not showing the followers number, thus making it easier for smaller and bigger blogs to interact, and not creating some sort of social classes based on ephemeral and currish arbitrary assigned popularity values. Why should I tell my followers number.

n followers I love very much <3

Amount of sleep: 6/7 hours (4/5 on school days)

Lucky number: ? Dunnot? I like even numbers

Dream job: Uhm something where I can give my best to significantly do something to change the world for the better - hopefully doing something I'm especially good at. Like, putting my abilities to the service of the community. I'll start studying political science at university! (I don't really aim to become a politician tho)

Wearing: I've spent more than one hour looking for an imagine of my shirt on the internet, but, as I should have expected, it seems like clothes companies delete the public data about older collections. Anyway, it's a cute, white, very light shirt with short sleeves. It's got thin vertical stripes of various pastel colors and it's made of a kinda rough material I can't seem to identify. Under that there's high-waisted, light blue jeans. I like this outfit, I find it pretty. I like wearing pretty things even when I'm staying home, it makes me feel good about myself.

Favorite song: With no hesitations, No One Else - Natasha, Pierre & The Great Comet of 1812. The only doubt I have is if I prefer Phillipa Soo's or Denée Benton's version.

Favorite instruments: Probably piano; second place is cello.

Favorite author: Of what? If this is about books, I don't feel like I read enough to give a fair answer, but so far Dostoevsky and Kafka really stuck with me.

Favorite animal sound: Seaguls' squeal!!!! But also lil birdies' chirping.

Aesthetic: Docks!! The seaguls screaming in the air. The sun shining in the blue sky, originating mesmerizing reflects on the sea, like millions of dimonds. All the smells in the world concentrated in just one place. The movement, the life!! So many sights, smells, flavors and feelings mixing together. The ephemeral beauty of catching, for a single moment, the sight of something marvelous and extraordinary, and never getting to see it again, but cherishing this exaggerated memory of that serendipity. The hectic atmosphere of people going to and fro. The concept of connecting different cultures, the concept of leaving for new adventures. Just one place filled with complete strangers all so different, all so unique, where you can disappear - but without losing yourself. I just find harbors neat!

Random: My posts follow a 4 fanart posts/ 4 text posts (or 2 fanart posts/ 2 text posts) pattern; it physically hurts to mess up, thus it can happen that some of the most recent reblogs may disappear for a while (but they always come back ;)

Tagging: @neverlandstrio, @idlyingabout , @holy-mantequilla, @vapidsoup, @dpgoinghost, @chidoroki, @lovesick-lovely, @ueno-ito-en, @x-supernova, @notelectrictiger12, @bubblesandpages, @joy-in-gold-shadows, @thathilomgirl, @yalikejazzmydude, @neo--queen--serenity, @wheatormeat, @icyhotsparkybroccoli but really feel free to ignore this if you don't like this stuff

And everyone else who wants to do this (or any of the others!!)

#The reason why I tag all these people is because #I'm that kind of person who enjoys doing this stuff #But won't untill I'm tagged #And that's because I'm d u m b #But ye

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everbrilliantheartbreaker · 5 years

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Fanfiction Reader Tag

Tagged by @eyeliner-vampire ♡ ♡

Fanfiction Reader Tag!

1. When did you start reading Fanfic (How old you were or how long ago)?

When I was probably...11 ish? so like 13 years ago

2. Do you have an AO3 account?

Yeh (LadyWisteria)

3. Do you read WIP (work in progress)? Why or why not?

All the time. I’m not picky about this at all. I’m a simple person. I see fic I think I’ll like? I read. doesn’t matter if it’s finished or not. I’ll make up my own ending til it is lol. also authors need that encouragement. finishing stuff is hard

4. What time of day is your ‘fic reading time’?

Usually late at night (like 1 a.m. and later..much later) but sometimes I’ll waste an afternoon instead (2 p.m. ish til I either have to go to work or I finish the fic)

5. How much time do you spend reading fic per week?

Not remotely as much time as I used, that’s for sure. Anywhere from an hour (if I’m rereading That favorite fic) to 2-4 hours if my friend has sent me a longfic again.

6. Do you listen to podfic (fanfic recorded like an audiobook)?

I...didn’t even know this was a thing tbh, so no. Sounds very neat but also I don’t listen to audio books anymore bcus my attention span re: audio input has gotten so bad over the years I can’t focus for more than a few minutes.

7. What’s your favorite fic genre to read?

AUs AUs AUs. and fantasy. and fantasy AUs (although good long AU fics are harder to find). I am a very simple person. I see magic mentioned, I read. I also read a lot of romance fic (proving once again that fanfic writing is often better than mainstream original writing, bcus romance is one of my least favorite YA/movie genres). I don’t read as much of them but I also love mystery and paranormal fics

8. Are there any genres that you tend to avoid?

Super angsty no happy ending type stuff. “Major Character Death” is an automatic nope lmao (unless the summary looks reaallyyy interesting or it was recc’d to me). Tragedy is definitely Not my thing

9. What tag(s) do you track?

I don’t track any fic tags (I stopped tracking tags at all since Tumblr changed it from “keeping track of new posts in said tag” to “dropping random posts from that tag into the middle of your dash, and usually the same three”)

10. How do you find new fic?

Nowadays I mostly just read what friends send me or the new stuff a very few writers I follow post, but sometimes I also come across stuff through Twitter or Tumblr and curiosity wins out

11. How do you organize your fic bookmarks?

I..don’t? Is this a thing people do?? If I wanna reread something I either search through my bookmarks by title/author or just. filter by fandom.

12. Do you subscribe to authors or stories?

Yeh. I only keep up with a very select few of them though. altho part of that is due to several of them being people I followed on fanfic.net years and years ago and never unfollowed, even though our interests may no longer be the same. (the other part is me going “oh I’ll read that later” and then just. never doing it.)

13. What is your favorite fanfic trope?

fake dating and bed sharing are always good

everyone is gay. also Good

14. What kind of plot line are you always here for?

“everything’s the same but they’re soulmates” (oh my god they were soulmates)

mafia AU

MAGIC

I really like in-between scene fics too. the events and character interactions that happen off-screen. I like writing those

15. What can an author do to make you love them?

write about my faves frequently

cool AUs

write about minor characters

good sense of humor

16. What can an author do to make you avoid them?

not into mpreg fics

a/b/o fics make me super wary I usually pass on those, even if the summary looks mildly interesting. they’re rarely if ever done in a way that isn’t rapey and gross

don’t care for fics period that have rapey scenes but you’re supposed to find them romantic

adult/minor ships

characterization is a big deal to me so if I don’t like how they handle the characters, especially faves I probably won’t be back

17. What do kudos mean to you?

when I get one I have a few seconds of “oh someone kinda liked this thing I wrote” and then I carry on about my day >.>;;; (I do appreciate them tho)

18. What kind of commenter are you (No comment, short comment, keyboard smash)?

I don’t comment as often as I mean to or wish I did, but when I do they’re loong comments (I’ve passed the AO3 character limit at least once kshg)

I tend to quote favorite parts and then react to them, and I like to theorize and ask questions about character’s thoughts at a certain part or what author imagines happens before/after the fic

19. Have you ever stopped reading a fic? Why or why not?

Yes. Once because I stumbled into a very sexually explicit fic when that was. Not at all what I was expecting (I was also very young lol), I think there was a very few I quit because they were boring or very poorly written, but most often I “quit” a fic for the same reason I don’t do audio books anymore lmao: because my attention span is sht and my motivation and commitment are extremely fickle things. I either forget or just wander away for a bit and then forget. Often I mean to come back and finish it; it’s just a matter of how long it takes. (I also second hand embarrassed out of a fic so hardcore that it’s been a whole 9 months since I’ve touched it khdfgd)

20. Have you ever read a fic more than once? What is it about that fic that makes you want to read it again?

YES. This requires like a minimum 4 separate posts to really answer but:

Behind Bricks and The Penance of a Killer by Deathbelle

this person is my fricking favorite author ever and these are two of my fricking favorite fics ever, I must’ve reread Behind Bricks 6 or 8 times now and Penance is the BokuAka-centric companion piece to my favorite fic of all time that I always wanted

Mending Bonds and If the Heart Breaks, Does That Mean There’s No Home? by RussianSunflower3

Mending Bonds is soft found family fluff centering on a very minor fave of mine and If the Heart Breaks is very angsty found family fluff that also focuses on some minor characters and it always hurts my heart but the ending and the soft middle always heal it right back up (“[Hanamaki] has a heart big enough for everyone in the world, and then some.” ohhhh my godd)

Boiled Frogs by ReginaGalaxia

this one is. a really hard read centered around emotional abuse and manipulation and hoooo boy it is a rough read especially if you’ve experienced any of that personally but it’s so well written and the character dynamics are great and in its lighter moments it’s fricking hilarious.

(bits and pieces of) The Roost by Ugglabarn

bits and pieces only bcus Roost has a lot of very heavy dark content that I’d have to be in a specific mood to reread the whole thing because it hurts my heart way too much but also it’s one of the best Fukurodani-centric longfics I’ve ever read (PLUS AN AU..!!) and I love love how they write the characters and how much focus there is on the minor members and ships and in its lighter moments Roost is also really funny the most recent chapter was hilarious

Expensive Hotel by Crown_of_Winterthorne

smut. explicit smut. excellent explicit smut with loving polyamorous boyfriends and plenty of consent discussion and kissing. my entire jam right there

Class 1-A Whomst? by Ya_Boi_Hal

this is the funniest chatfic I’ve ever read in my life and the first good chatfic I ever read. absolutely hysterical. also has some really good serious content in the middle and some Aizawa dialogue that punched me right in the feels. 12/10 will read again. sometimes I just randomly say “Mineta whomst??” and cackle to myself

and back in the day it was:

The Flame of Betrayal by DataIntegrationThoughtEntity

I guess traitor! Tahu was a popular trope back when Bionicle fandom was at its peak?? and not everyone liked it apparently but I enjoyed this fic greatly every time I read it it was well written and had interesting OCs and I am actually highly tempted to go reread it again

and Asleep Beneath a Wheat Field by Feline Freak

this was a very peculiar little OC-centric one shot that was also very sad and I don’t know why it grabbed me like it did but I remember rereading it 3 or 4 times at least

21. Do you like sequels?

The fics I like don’t usually come with sequels but The Penance of a Killer is one so Yes

22. Do you like dabbles?

I guess? I haven’t read too many I don’t think but hey, more fic is more fic. Who’s gonna complain about that?

23. What do you wish more fic authors would do?

Write about minor characters more

24. What do you wish more authors would stop doing?

that thing where they latch onto one facet of a character’s personality - or worse, one that fandom made up - and write them as if that’s the only trait they have

25. Do you like one-shots or multi-chapter?

Multi-chapter. I mean both are great obviously but the majority of my faves are multi-chapter and obviously if I like a fic I’m gonna wanna spend as much time in that universe as possible

26. How long do you like chapters to be?

Usually I feel the longer the better. once in a while I’ll hit one that’s so long it’s kind of distracting but extremely rarely

27. What’s your favorite POV (point of view) to read (first, second, third)?

Third

28. What do you think of OC’s?

I didn’t use to care for them very much but as I started reading fic by more advanced writers I found several I really liked. have a very small list of OCs from recent fics I’ve read I would actually kill a man for I love them so much

29. Do you download fic?

No, but seeing as my absolute favorite Bionicle fic vanished off the face of the earth several years ago and I cannot find anything about it an y wh ere sometimes I think about saving my faves. I never got to finish reading that fic and I am absolutely devastated every time I think about it.

30. Tell me something else about your fic reading! Anything else!

best thing is when my friend and I buddy read a fic and send each other our favorite parts

Tag!

@yaelathewordsmith and @samantha-girlscout ♡ ♡ ♡

#Toa does a meme #long post #i didn't forget about this i've just been picking at it ever since u tagged me

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regular-lord-reckoner · 5 years

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had just...a real shitty day yesterday

real shitty

i guess it really started sunday?

my mood pretty much just tanked and i was really stressed out and irritable

part of that had to do with me trying to get everything prepared for my classes monday, but i think it’s also just...bad brain in general

my mom helped me put together almost 200 goodie bags for my students since i had my last class with them yesterday and i like to try to give my kids something on the last day

on top of that i had to make sure i had all my paperwork and stuff i needed because we were only going to be doing surveys, no official lesson or anything so that whole ordeal was just kind of...a lot

and in general like...going to those groups is tough. it’s two schools that are like 10 minutes apart from one another and i go to one school at 8 am to do three classes back to back and then i drive over to the other to do my last four over the course of a few hours with just two short breaks crammed in there and even tho it goes by pretty fast that way, it’s still just...a lot (the recurring thought i’ve had on sundays now is “boy, i’d really rather get kicked in the teeth than have to go to work tomorrow!!”)

like i said, that’s nearly 200 kids to see in one day, so that means i have to be On for that many people, including all the teachers and other staff i interact with

and just...right fucking away, class one, i was like, “So guys, this is going to be our last lesson together” and some kids...cheered.

like...okay. ouch. it’s not the first time i’ve ever gotten that reaction in my history of doing lessons and some kids have straight up H A T E D my ass, but it never feels good to basically be told to your face, “Yay, can’t wait until you’re finally gone!” but i just kinda shook it off and kept going.

the next two classes after that were better, but i kept having to ask for kids to please stop talking while i was talking and to not work ahead of me on the survey and it’s just...frustrating to have to repeat yourself over and over and over and over and over and ask please guys, please we’re almost done. please just bear with me. over and over and over and over again. but they’re kids, so i stay patient and just bear with it

by the time i got to the second school, however...christ

there’s this one class in particular that just the entire fucking time has been an absolute nightmare and it sucks, because i could tell there were kids in there who wanted to participate and liked the lessons and stuff, but just...constant talking. constant.

and not just a kid or two, like almost the entire fucking class the entire time and i’m almost having to yell over them just to be heard which, of course, means that i have to end up repeating myself and instructions over and over and over and over again.

eventually i got the point where i was like, “guys, i’m going to be honest with you, i’ve brought goodie bags for everyone, but i’ve had to ask you multiple times now to please be quiet, so if we can’t do that i’m not going to give them out” (something the teacher in the room backed me up on)

and i even said, “i hate to do that, but i don’t think it’s fair to give you guys a reward when we can’t follow the rules”.

this led to a few of the kids being just...ridiculously disrespectful to my face and telling me to just leave, get out, that they don’t care, etc.

and like...listen. i get it.

i get part of why i’m doing this is that these kids have behavioral issues and likely it’s for some type of reason and i try as best as i can to be empathetic and not take it personally

but at the same time it also just makes me feel like a massive failure that i wasn’t able to help like...at all.

that this was our last lesson and i’ve got kids acting like that and saying that shit to my face. it sucks. it really, really sucks.

and again, i know it’s not likely personal. there’s nothing i’ve done in the entire time i’ve been there that’s warranted that kind of disrespect.

but it’s already hard enough for me to put myself in front of a classroom of like 20 some odd kids and to be treated like shit when all i’m trying to do is help

it’s already shitty enough knowing that some of the ones who “like” me only do so because i sometimes bring candy and that’s all they really care about.

and i get it, like...school’s school and lessons on empathy and anger management aren’t the most exciting things in the world (especially because i feel like i just wasn’t able to find any super interesting activities to go along with my lesson that wouldn’t have been incredibly disruptive and distracting from the point).

but again it just...takes the wind out of your sails a little bit.

that said, i still left goodie bags for that class, i just left them with the teacher and let her decide who should get one and who shouldn’t because i didn’t want to punish the entire class for some shit just a couple of kids did, but at the same time i also didn’t want to cause any more problems.

and on any other day i probably wouldn’t have taken it so hard and would have been able to shake it off a little easier, but because of where my mental state was already at it was just...tough

on top of that, i’m trying to get in touch with someone from my old work to see about doing some part time helping out over the summer because the other reason i want to find a new job is that this position i’m in is only a 10 month position which means i don’t get to work in june and july and thus...won’t be getting paid

and with all the medical shit i’ve had going on that’s just...not gonna happen, i’m afraid

the only reason i’m not just quitting right now and finding a new job is because i’ve already committed to a trip out of the country in july and i just don’t know where on earth i could get hired and already have a week’s worth of pto in order to do that

still, i am......less than enthused about having to go back to somewhere i really thought i’d never have to be again

y’know, the place where towards the end there i was having to lock myself in the bathroom and sob my eyes out for a few minutes before washing my face in the sink and going back out to sit at the front desk so i could check some more patients in while also trying to do 3 other people’s jobs at the same fucking time.

not to mention i...hate a lot of people who work there and have already had to talk to one i ESPECIALLY can’t stand on the phone when i was trying to get in touch with one of my old managers so...y’know. that’s gonna be a lot of fun for me. love that for me. because by the sound of it, i’ll be having to work with her again and i just...hate.

it’s also frustrating because i’m just waiting now for someone to give me a call to tell me what i need to do to get put into basically a pool of people that the company will call on whenever they need someone to fill in wherever and if there’s one thing i really fucking hate it’s waiting around for someone to call me when i have absolutely no idea when that’ll be

especially because when i talked to my manager on monday and she passed the info off to whoever’s supposed to be calling me she said i’d probably hear from her that same day so knowing that i’d be out most of the day i gave her my cell phone number, but whenever i’m at home i don’t have cell service so i’m like...shit, i hope she hasn’t tried to call me when i’ve been here at home

i texted my manager and let her know about the cell service thing and gave her my home number to pass along to said person who’s supposed to be calling me since i should be home all day tomorrow but still i’m just like...can i go ahead and get something set up or figure out what i’m supposed to do? because i hate feeling like i have to wait by the phone

but....yeah. needless to say, too, when i’m in sort of the worst of my mental shit i tend to be very, very mean to myself and about the only thing typically i’ve been able to hold onto is like, “well, i may be useless and suck at absolutely everything and ugly and boring and and and but at least i’m a good worker bee...” (which I KNOW isn’t something i should hang my hat on, I KNOW but it’s...all i feel like i have sometimes)

and so naturally whenever i feel like i’ve dropped the ball or done a bad job or i just...suck at what i’m doing i take it really, really, really hard and it puts me in an even worse place

but i tried as best as i could to hold myself together and rationalize with myself to calm down. mostly i just distracted myself and zoned out and i did end up crying real big at like 4 am (because of COURSE i had trouble sleeping) and that kinda helped i guess? idk

i did have a dream where i saw my sister again and i’ve had dreams like this before where she’s just...back? and it’s like i know she shouldn’t be, i know what’s happened and it doesn’t make sense, but that part of my brain that’s been waiting to find out this has all been a horrible, horrible prank i guess holds out hope for something like this and she’ll just magically reappear and everything will be okay again

and she’s always really happy and doesn’t seem to want to talk about why she did what she did, she just wants to hang out and i’m fine with that too, but in this dream she was like “we can watch some movies and i’ll answer all your questions” and i just started sobbing and hugging her saying that’s all i ever wanted and so...needless to say waking up from that dream and realizing it was just that wasn’t great either, but in a way it’s also just kinda...nice to see her again, i guess

i’d like to think that’s actually her visiting me in my dreams, but i’m not sure. i think i just had her on my mind.

when i was driving home yesterday and already trying not to cry a song came on shuffle that reminds me of her so much and i did end up crying by that point, but i was pretty much at home, so i wasn’t in any danger or anything

i dunno what’s going on with like...the planets or the universe in general, but i feel like basically everyone i saw on social media yesterday was just having a real rough one, so i dunno what’s up with that but today’s been better, at least

i had my rowdy boys group for the last time today even though i normally see them on thursdays i was afraid my doctor’s appointment would run over into our usual time so the guidance counselor was nice enough to let me come today instead so if nothing else like...i’m done teaching for the year !!! (and hopefully for like...ever if i play my cards right)

on top of that i’m also a little anxious about said doctor’s appointment because i should be finding out what our next plan of action is since the last surgery was a failure

i’m hoping for lithotripsy because i think my other alternative is them doing surgery via going through my back and i...............hate how that sounds, but i guess we’ll see. hopefully. i know they’re going to do another x-ray (yay, ANOTHER bill !!) but i’m hoping i can get scheduled for...whatever they’re gonna do that day

this whole situation has just been....obnoxious as fuck and i’m ready for it to be over and done with. it’s been like...two months of this shit if you count the weeks i kept running a high fever and nobody could figure out why.

i’m pretty sure i went to the ER on april 5th i wanna say? i’ve had a stent in me ever since then. i can count on one hand the number of times since then i’ve been able to pee without some kind of pain afterwards. i hate that i’m gonna have to pay for a surgery that was useless!! and that i have so many bills period!! and we’re still.not.done!

and no, it’s not like i’m in absolute agony all day long, but i still just want to go back to normal. it’s bad enough i’ve had constant allergy bullshit happening for about a month as well, like...this too, huh?

idk. i feel at this point like i’m just whining and whining and whining, but there’s just a lot of bad shit happening now all at once and it’s just a lot to deal with and i know rationally i’ll get through it and things will settle down and fall into place but getting to that point is tough at the moment

because while allllllll of this is happening there’s also some really stupid drama going on with my mom’s side of the family (specifically with her sisters) and we’ve somehow gotten dragged into it and the whole thing’s just a giant goddamn mess and is so fucking needless but there’s nothing we can really do because it’s not our issue, all we tried to do was help.

but because everyone is fucking incapable of being an adult and just saying what they really mean or communicating period it has to be this giant ugly thing right now where everyone else is allowed to beat up on people who aren’t directly involved and you can’t call anyone out on it or it’ll just make shit worse, but in a few months probably everyone will just act like nothing happened and everything’s supposed to go back to normal

but...whatever.

at this point i’m just telling myself an amended version of Justin’s tweet post election like... I’m just going to wake up and keep trying to do good in this world and nobody gets to vote on that. Nobody gets to have a say on that, not even me.

My mental health has been pretty abysmal over the past few months, maybe even longer by this point, and i’m fighting as best as i can and pulling myself out of every rut i fall into but some days it’s just really hard

i know the best thing i could do for myself right now is to start seeing a therapist, but here again...with everything else going on i’m really not sure taking on an expense like that is something i want to get into right now and for once this isn’t an excuse

i know i find a million and one reasons to not to do this, but right now i just have too much shit going on and too many balls up in the air i just...need to put a pin in that (and i know mental health should come first, but i do need to give myself a little credit here like...i’ve been dealing with this since i was at least 8. i’ve managed for 20 years, postponing this a few months isn’t going to kill me. especially because, not to be too morbid or anything, but.... even when i do really, really want to die i can’t do that to my parents. i just can’t. losing one kid to that was bad enough, i’d absolutely destroy them if i did it, too so before anyone encourages me to just make an appointment anyway trust me, i know myself, i can carry this weight a little bit longer)

i already have a list of other doctor’s appointments i need to go to after i get all this other shit sorted out as well so again, the timing just...could not be fucking worse, but i am finally at that point where i know i need to and i want to

i want to get better. i really do.

despite how miserable i’ve been and how bad things have been i guess if nothing else it’s pushed me up against the wall to where i’ve realized i can’t keep doing this and since i’ve already established dying isn’t an option i need to figure out how to be okay with being here

and the shitty part is...that’s on me. it’s not up to someone else, it’s not up to some time in my life where i’ll wake up and suddenly be okay, i have to do the hard work and there’s still a big part of me that doesn’t want to because that’s going to involve going through my trauma and BOY DO I NOT WANNA DO THAT but like...i need to

i’m almost 30 and i’m not saying “ohmygod, that’s so old!!” but like... i already didn’t plan on living this long anyway, but now that i’ve committed to it i’d really like to meet that milestone with at least a little bit more of a grip on myself (especially because i hear your 30s can actually be a pretty cool time if you let them, idk)

i also just want to maybe enjoy life? like truly??

it’s not that i haven’t had good experiences or made wonderful memories, don’t get me wrong, but...in a lot of ways i just haven’t participated in my own life and i’ve actively held myself back and kept myself down

i don’t let myself pursue anything that could possibly make me feel good about myself and like i’ve accomplished something because i bully myself into quitting or second guessing myself to the point where i’m an absolute mess and can’t enjoy myself

i don’t...like that. i don’t want to do that anymore. i want to be able to try things, to pick up a hobby or two, to find out i’m good at something or at least work at something until i’m good at it.

i want to meet more people and build new relationships and not even necessarily at this point looking for something romantic (because i need to get myself in a better place before i could even seriously consider pursuing that) but overall i just...i want to live my life for a change. i’m so tired of feeling like i don’t deserve it or i’m not worthy of it. i’m so tired of holding myself back and constantly tearing myself apart over every little thing and for no fucking reason. i’m tired of hating myself.

so...yeah.

this turned out to be a much longer rant than i intended but like i said there’s...a lot going on with me right now and i feel like i just need to get all of that out.

i think things are eventually going to be okay and i keep telling myself that maybe this is all just one of those times when things are really, really awful right before they get really, really good.

oftentimes with big change, especially positive change, you’ll find yourself going through a period of just...absolute garbage and shit and i’m hoping this is just one of those times and that pretty soon things will turn around.

for now i’m just trying my best to focus on all that i have to be grateful for because i know not every aspect of my life is complete shit so i’m trying to surround myself with that for now and keep my focus there until things settle down and i can get my footing again.

if you’ve read this far thank you, really. i know i’ve done a lot of bitching and complaining and i know it’s not just doing so for the sake of it, but like i said before, i know a lot of people are going through rough times right now as well so if you’re one of those people i just want you to know that you’re not alone and that things will get better for you, too. i don’t know when specifically, but i promise that they will even if it feels hopeless right now. try not to give up. try to hang in there. focus on the good things and the things you have to look forward to. and most of all, try to be kind to yourself as best as you can. i know better than anyone that that’s easier said than done, but still try. <3

#personal life ramblings #nothing serious just gonna vent for a sec #as always thank you for coming to my ted talk

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bolbianddolanhouse · 5 years

Text

BNHA AU [self insert]

Nani the heck is this? read here!

Chapter 1: *plays Joji’s Yeah Right*

“...and heres your living quarters, fully furnished and with groceries that’ll last a while” said my case worker as I meekly followed next to them.

“thank you! its really nice.” I said, trying to not sound sad.

“I know its tough being young and by yourself, but I believe in you Miss Palma! Don’t hesitate to give us a call if you have questions or need other arrangments.”

“thank you for your kind words, I’ll keep that in mind” I said as politely as I could because I knew I wasn’t going to call them for shit. “Ill get my luggage out of my car, its not much so I’ll be fine if you need to leave”

“oh alright, Ill leave you to settling in and remember that a UA staff will be coming by with your uniforms tomorrow in the afternoon.”

oh jeez I forgot about that, not looking forward to get fat shamed in this country, let alone by a school staff. “oh right! it almost slipped my mind that here you wear uniforms in high school! hehe thank you for the reminder!”

“no problem! Bye bye”

oof! I was getting tired of pretending to be polite to that case worker. The past 3 months has been tough with the whole being sent away from my family and finding a school with nearby housing. At least I can sleep well without thinking where I’ll end up next. I unpack my 3 suitcases of clothes, personal belongings, cosmetics and other nessities. I take out my framed photo of my family and place it on my bed stand, I miss them and the doggos. I try not to cry and continue to put my things away. I made myself dinner, took a bath and laid in bed; and I’m thinking if I should call my parents to tell them I got settled. I checked the time, it was 4am their time, I sent a text instead.

[Hola mama y papa! ya estoy en mi apartamento, es muy lindo. Llama me cuando puedas, te extrano mucho y tambien a los doggos!]

I haven’t talked to my parents in a week because of the whole phone arrangement and being too busy with the entrance exam. Now I guess I’ll sleep and do some school supply shopping after meeting with the staff member.

-the next day-

Its saturday and its gloomy out and I wake up thinking, great! even the sky knows its going to be a rough day today! I get dressed, eat and gluzzle down my daily 2 cups of coffee. I scroll through my private social media handles to check on my friends, looks like they’re having fun, without me. I suck in the tears because I know DAMN well they’re sad I’m gone too. I distract myself with memes and I think maybe I should make some tea? and some cookies too? do i even have tea? I go through the cupboads and pantry, the case worker wasn’t kidding when they said that I had groceries that’ll last a while! I had 2 different types of tea, dry pastas, canned goods, snacks and some traditional ingredients for japanese and mexican cusine. I go searching for a kettle or teapot and I find a juicer in the way back of the top cupboard. There was a note on the juicer that said ‘to the next tenant, my wife didn’t want to take this big, messy thing to our next place, hope you find use out of this!’ I laugh at the idea that there was probably a lovers quarral over the juicer. I make tea and some green juice, just so I can get rid of the bundle of kale in the fridge, I hate kale. I make some cookies too but its just so I can get my mind off things since I was so nervous on meeting this staff member. Right on the dot, at 3pm, theres a knock at my door. I look through the peep hole and I see this woman with blue eyes and dark purple-ish, black hair in busniess causal attire. I open the door and put on my best ‘everything is ok’ face.

“hello! are you Miss Palma?”

“yes I am! are you the UA staff member with the uniforms?”

“I am! its so nice to meet you, I am Kayama sensei or better know as Midnight”

“Midnight? Ok um, would you like to come inside?”

“oh yes, thank you! Now I understand that you live alone?” she said as she walked in to the apartment.

“yes thats correct, I got here yesterday and settled in”

“oh wow, and at such a young age! Well If you need anything or need to talk about anything thats bothering you, please let me know! This whole you being separated from family and home worries me” She said in the most sincer tone that I almost started crying. I haven’t heard single person talk to me so genuinely since I left America and I need a trusted adult to help me, I heavily considered her offer.

“oh thank you for your offer, I might need some help in a few weeks BUT for now, may I offer you some tea? coffee? green juice? maybe some cookies?”

“green? juice? whats in it? I’ve never heard of green juice before”

“oh right! its a California health culture thing. Its the juice of pinapple, apple, kale, lemon and cucumber. The combination of the fruits and vegetables is for a healthy disgestive system and energy for before or after exersize”

“that sounds tasty! Ill have green juice please”

I serve her the juice and sit across from her in the living room. I see the clothing bags and think that thats alot of clothing bags just to give me 3 sets of uniforms. She drinks the juice and wanted to say something about my expression when I saw the bags but her eyes widened and she looked at the cup of juice.

“OH MY GOODNESS! this is the best and freshest juice I’ve ever had NO JOKE! You said this is a thing where you’re from? I need to invest in a juicer to make this at home!” she said so shocked and I was surprised to recieve the praise like I invented the juice.

“I’m glad you like it! Its like a little slice of my hometown to me to you”

“oh? ok back to business! I see you eyeing the uniforms, you want to try them on? I brought some sizes up and down from the given mesurements.”

“um ok sure! Let me take these to try on in my room, ill be right out”

I take the bags to my room and I zip them open and I see the white collared shirts, gray blazer looking thing and skirts. I think oh jeez my ass is definately not gonna fit in these bitches. I put on the shirt and blazer that best fit and lastly the skirt, SUPRIZE! you can see my ass cheeks hanging out from the bottom. I walk out of the room to Midnight.

“ok so I found a shirt and top that fits well on me BUT the skirt...” and I turn around and show her my exposed ass cheeks peeking underneath.

“oh dear, thats definately not in regulation! Ok so you need a longer skirt? like... another 6 inches?” she said as she takes out a measuring tape from her purse.

“um yea, if thats doable”

“it is but we won’t have that ready until the 1st day of classes, so I guess for now, try on the pants and see if any of those fit”

Great. I’m going into a new school, misgendered and foreign passing. 2 of the pants in the clothes bag fit well....too well. We said our good byes and I had at least 2 sets of uniforms ready until I get a proper pair. No matter, at least my ass won’t be hanging out at school. I go school supply shopping and came upon the holy grail of stationary, SCENTED PAPER AND GLITTER PENS. Of course in the pastel rainbow colors and matching lead pencils. I get a whole matching set along with a backpack, water bottle and coffee tumbler. I was going to soon regret that matching set (more on that later) but I was just SO happy that I was pink, pretty and sparkly.

-Fast forward to the 1st day-

I was in a much better mood because the sun was out, the coffee smelled particularly good, I made myself look cute but toned down for a good 1st day impression. I grab my keys and think I think I’m forgeting one detail? What could it be? and I thought Oh! I need to text my parents that I’m happy and I’m going to school now! I am noticably happy that the nice front desk lady of my housing noticed and wished me luck on my 1st day. I get in my car and I have 1 hour to get to school but its only a 8 minute drive and I wanted to circle to find parking and see where the entrance is so I can teleport from wherever I parked. I pass the gates before seeing the parking and I think oh cool its just right there! but Ill still teleport in the front. I park and I don’t even get out of my car, I just hug my backpack and teleport in front of the gates. I start walking toward the gates and try to not smile like an idiot but I start to notice all the looks and stares. And I think oh they just don’t recongize me because I look foreign or didn’t see me at the entrance exams. As a enter the 1st year doors I hear

‘yo you see that guy? he looks as pretty as a girl! Guess his favorite color is baby pink? Are they wearing eyeliner? I wonder how long is his hair? That bun is tastful, no homo tho!’

I FORGOT THAT PANTS ARE THE BOY’S UNIFORM AND MY SKIRTS ARE STILL BEING TAILORED! I socially already fucked up, guess I won’t be making friends anytime soon. But I guess I’m glad they think I’m a pretty girl in the boy’s uniform? I walk up to the table at the furthest hall on the right that says International Student Check In thats me. I get greeted by a man with a boombox looking thing on their neck, black pants and jacket, small triangle sunnies and yellow hair.

“HEEYYY welcome to UA!”

“oh thank you! I am Itati Palma, American student”

“okay lets see, palma palma paruma AH found you! OH YOURE THAT JAZZY SAX GIRL THAT TURNED HERO!”

oh jeez who put that on my record?! “hehehe yea thats me”

“coolio jazzy girl! Heres your schedule, pins and a note from Midnight”

“pins?”

“yeeeaahh! pins to put on your uniform to let other students and staff where youre from and get to know you better!”

I open the small manila pouch into my hand and two pins fall into my palm, the American and Mexican flag. I look at them and tried not to cry, I missed my home and chill life in Cali.

“hey hey! your classes are on the 3 hall on the right, door all the way down.”

“oh right!” that snapped me out of my sentiment, “thank you again! Mr?”

“they call me Mic sensei”

“Mic? ok thanks!”

I walk quickly to my classroom, I get to the outside of the door and think welp, heres to 3 years of being called pretty boy and other dumb shit. I open the door and I see 9 desks and 5 people already there. Oh jeez, what a small class size but at least nobody is staring at me. I sit in the middle seat, though I prefer the front desk but they were already claimed! Guess classroom culture is different here too. In front of me was a boy to what I thought was a Japanese native until they turned and I caught a glimpse of their pin, they’re Korean! They noticed my pins too and had a confused look as they gave me a once over.

“You’re an...american? and mexican? You traveled quite a ways”

“um yeah hehe, I am Itati Palma by the way!”

“hmm, nice to meet you Palma-san, I’m Jin Matsui”

“nice to meet you too!”

Before I could ask them where in Korea are they from, the door slammed open. A tall and muscular white-blonde girl walked in, I tried so hard not to stare at them but they looked so tough and wondered if that’s part of their quirk. She sat behind me and Jin and I turned around to get a better look at them. I saw their pins, the Russian and Japanese flag, shes also a foreign student. She looked up with a death stare at me and Jin but then her eyes widened and she smiled.

“ah! fellow foreigners! Hello!” she spoke in a predominate Russian accent that matches so well with her image.

“um yeah! Hello, I’m Itati Palma”

“Hi, and I’m Jin Matsui”

“Palma-san and Matsui-san?Milana Mikhalia Oleshin, very nice to meet you!”

Oh my! A long and hard to pronounce name, I guess we aren’t at nickname or first name basis yet for everything to go smoother. I turn to my bag because I got a text, its my parents!

[Hola mija! Que bien que estas feliz hoy! Te amo y ponde bien en tus studias, dios te bendiga.]

Oh mom, you have no idea how bad I had it earlier. I look around and see everyone has nice, canvas school bags and I have my baby pink one with a puppy on it. And everyone had normal stationary and you can smell and see mine from across the hall. Oof, what I’d give to redo today. I look at my schedule and see that I have a short school day this semester.

Palma, Itati (F) (International) Intelligence Core Program [1-A]

Homeroom......9a-10am..........................................Intelligence Wing, room 1-A

Weaponery.......10:15am-11:50am.........................................Gym

Hero Course [Ethics and Laws].....12p-1:15p...........Hero Wing, room 1-A

Free Period.........2:50p-3:30p.......................................TBA

Intelligence Course[Statistics&Strategy]3:45p-4:40p..Intelligence Wing,room 3-A

Seems like a reasonable schedule, better than America. I didn’t know that Oleshin-san was peeking over my shoulder to read my schedule.

“YOURE THE GIRL THAT TESTED OUT OF GENERAL STUDIES?!”

I jumped in my seat “um yea?”

“I heard about you! The staff and school district are boasting that they got the potentially genius level international students. They said that theres 2 of them here at UA and they are jumping straight into course work! One has placed college level English and 3rd year Level Strategtic Thinking! And thats you!”

Jin turns around, looking bootytickled “erm, what? Let me see your schedule.”

He scans and compares it to his “well theres proof that you are one of those students, but then again, so am I”

I take a look at his, almost identical except they’re not taking the hero course, but second year english. What a weird turn of events that I’d be in the same class as other international students in the same school arrangments? I guess they’re my friends now.

A clean cut man in a blue jumpsuit with multiple patches on the arms opens the door. I just knew they were our teacher, it shows that he’s been through it all and has wisdom to bestow upon us.

“Hello, good morning students, if you could all take your seats so I can get things started”

Everyone fell into place and was attentive.

“Welcome to the Intelligence Program, You can call me Diya sensei, I’m a retired secret service of Japan better known as Agent 99 code name ‘Space Cowboy’”

I tried so hard not to laugh at that code name, I wondered why he was called that. Maybe his quirk?

“Now to take roll, say present when I say your name”

He finished roll and said “huh, 3 international students? I expect impeccable work from you three. I won’t slow down for you”

I somehow wasn’t scared of that statement. Before moving on to explaining the coursework and lessons, a lizard bolted from the window and to Diya sensei. He let out one of the most high pitched yelps and retreated to the corner. How can a man so sharp and decorated, be reduced to a crying mess over a lizard? Matsui-san captures the fast lizard and wraps it in his gym towel to take outside after homeroom. Sensei regains his composure and continues class like nothing happened. After homeroom, we all had weaponery but we didn’t get to use any gear or weapons yet. Instead we got measured for our jumpsuits and PE clothes plus got settled in the locker rooms. To my surprise it was co-ed locker rooms since it was a small class size and only 3 girls. Everyone was respectful of eachother’s bodies and privacy. Next I was supposed to go to the ethics class but in Midnight’s note, she said that I start that class on Wednesday so for the time being, I have to report to the staff room to meet with them. I go to the staff room and on the way I see a class doing drills with quirks outside, it looked fun and everyone looked so focused. I get to the staff room and Midnight hands me my tailored skirts and 3rd set of uniform. I also got to know the other teachers and staff including the principal, a big ass fuckin rat. I was about to punt that bitch when they opened the door if they didn’t start talking. Other than that, it was a nice time and then there was lunch. I walked in the cafeteria and saw the long ass lines and said ‘fuck that’, so I teleported to my car and ate my packed food in there. Next was my free period, Midnight said that it was alright for me to wander around campus so I can get to know the place better so I can teleport from class to class. I wander around without my bag, just my phone and schedule with school map folded in my pocket. I go to the hero wing to find the 1-A room, nobody was in there, maybe its gym time for them? I pass by a group of 3 upper classmen, A boy with black hair and pointy ears, a taller boy with lemon colored hair and a girl with long sky blue hair. They all looked at me as I passed by and I felt intimidated because they have a strong presence to them but I didn’t know why or how. I hid behind the corner and heard them talking about me,

“did you see that? I made accidental eye contact and I think I’m going to be sick”

“hmm, do you think thats the international student Mirio? They had an american flag pin”

“Maybe? Theres no description of them other than they’re American and a 1st year in the Intelligence program”

“wait, sceret service? I thought they saved their school from a gang by disabling the leader? Why are we interested in her again Mirio?”

“She’s a true hero Amajiki! We could learn alot from her and maybe change their mind to be a hero, like they were meant to be”

What the heck was that Lemon boy going off about? A hero? Change my mind? Learn from me? I turned the corner to tell them off but they were gone and I wasn’t about to go looking for them. I wander some more and the bell rings and a swarm of students come out of their classrooms, I couldn’t naviagate around and I think, guess Ill teleport, BUT THEN I COULDN’T! Like when I was acting up back home and my mom would use her erasure quirk on me to prevent me from escaping. But my mom couldn’t be here!? Then what the fuck is going on? Then a man’s voice from behind me spoke,

“are you lost young lady?”

I turn around and I’m shaking in fear before I even see this mystery man. I see him and he’s a tall, dark long haired with eye bags. I knew right away he was the one who erased my quirk, his eyes glowed the same way my mom did when she activated her quirk. Mom i thought and how much I missed her and I couldn’t hold back my tears this time. I cried in front of this man I just met. He arched his brow then gazed his eyes on my flag pins. He gasped and deactivated his quirk.

“oh no I’m sorry Miss! I didn’t mean to scare you to tears, are you alright?”

I stammered “um uhhhh -sniff- I’m, I’m ok! um I’ll just leave”

“no please, let me escort you to your next class, I feel terrible for making you cry. Especially on the 1st day”

I felt sort of better when he offered, I let him walk with me.

“you didn’t scare me, I cried because you and my mother have the same quirk and looking at your glowing eyes reminded me of her and how much I miss her”

“oh! same quirk you say? Were you a trouble maker?”

“nah, I would try to teleport away when it was time to do housework when I was younger and she’d disable my quirks so I couldn’t escape and HAD to do chores”

He laughed “what a woman! Say, your not from around here huh?”

“nope, I’m from America with hispanic roots”

“OH! you’re an ethnic American! That’s why you have two flags.”

“yup, I got here about a week ago and settled about 3 days ago”

“yeah, Midnight told me about you. You’re a very unique indivdual, how are your classes so far?”

“nothing interesting yet”

“well hopefully things pickup soon, oh i think this is your wing”

“um oh yea it is, thank you for walking me over, Mr?”

“Mr Aizawa, or better known as Eraserhead”

“Eraserhead? um ok thanks again!”

“no problem, see you wednesday”

“wednesday?”

“yea, I’m the Hero Course ethics teacher. See you then!”

Then this man deadass walks away after dropping that bomb on me? What a legend, can’t wait to sit in his class. My last class was more up my alley and the upperclassmen were so nice that I didn’t feel any different from them. I walked to my car to reflect on all the shit that happened today and what I am going to do to make school bearable. The drive to my place was pleasant but I saw a bunch of students walking together like they just became friends and wanted to spend more time together. I felt a little lonely when I got home, I remembered when I was in america and I would talk to my friends after school and how they’d wait for me after band practice to hang out. I took off my uniform and hanged up my new ones and had one really good cry. I haven’t cried that hard in months and it was much needed for my mental health. I washed up and ate and tried to just forget all the dumb shit of the day when I laid down to sleep.

-fast foward to Wednesday-

“hey Palma-san! did you do the online homework for stats and strats?”

“yee, did you?” I said knowing damn well what Matsui-san was going to say.

“psh! course I did, I was just making sure you did it so you might have something to do during free period”

“HEY! T-posing through the halls IS a viable thing to do! I was studying where everthing is on campus for future use”

“IS NOT WHEN YOU LEVITATE AND SCREECH IN THE BOYS BATHROOM WHILE I’M IN THERE!”

Before I could retort back, Oleshin-san butted in,

“aye Palma-san, you excited for your hero course class?”

“oof yee, the teacher is kinda hot”

“I SAW and I’m jealous! You have to tell me if the boys in that class are hot too!”

“ugh, don’t you two have better things to talk about than butts and boys?”

“I’m so excited tho! To meet anybody thats outside our program and learning new things?! I just hope they like me, I even made them cookies”

“Palma-san nani the heck!? I want a cookie”

“You guys can get a cookie during lunch if theres any leftovers”

I quickly change after weapons class and bolt to the hero wing. I walk down the hall and I’m really feeling nervous! I look at my coffee tumbler and felt calmer as I took a sip. Ok Ita, you can do this, no chickening out now I psych myself up as I stand in front of the door. I open the door, expecting everyone to be strewn about and talking...nope. I walk in and everyone is in their seats and sensei was standing up in the front and I disrupted them. Everyone was staring and I instantly get flushed and I check to make sure I was in the right classroom and said,

“did I fuck up?”

“no actually I was just talking about you, perfect timing!” said Aizawa with a smile. “why don’t you come up and introduce yourself?”

“um ok” I said as I scanned the room. I got up to the front, chugged down my coffee for dominance, did a quick spin for drama and put on my ‘I swear I slept a normal amount of sleep last night’ face.

“Hi hello~ My name is Itati Palma and I’m from America! The reason I don’t look like one is because my ethnic background is hispanic, or in other words, both of my parents are from Mexico but I was born in America. My quirk isn’t the strongest or the most useful BUT I can be of better help in other parts of combat, so please, we don’t have to be friends but lets all work hard together” I bow respectfully and turn to sensei.

“nice speech kid, you can take the seat on the third row”

“um ok thanks”

As I’m walking toward my seat, sensei walks out saying he’ll be right back with more handouts. I sit and I feel all eyes on me, giving me the once over. The person in front of me has a bird head but normal human body from the neck down, the person behind me has half their face covered with multiple limbs and the person on my left has red spiky hair and was staring REALLY hard at me. I almost didn’t want to look at them until sensei came back, I just sat there blushing really hard.

“Kirishima! stop staring at her! Can’t you see you’re making her uncomfortable?!” said the boy with glasses making chopping motions.

“Oh sorry! Its just that I’ve never seen curly hair of that type in person, you have really nice hair and your backpack is cute”

“um thank you, I feel sorta out of place with it tho, everyone else has normal bags”

“tch, makes you look like a little girl” muttered the boy with the blonde hair.

“Kacchan thats so rude! I think their choice of bag is cute and different in a good way” said some broccoil looking ass.

“well um, not to change the subject, but I made you guys cookies! I got up extra early to bake them”

“Cookies?! oh how sweet of you!” joked the pink girl.

“Oh here, let me help you with that” said the boy with glasses as he stood up.

“oh no I got this” I take out a package of colorful napkins and the box of cookies and I toss the napkins up and activate my quirk to pass out the napkins. Then I opened the box and gave everyone a cookie and gave sensei 3.

“so cool! you passed out the treat without getting up!” squealed what I assume to be the invisible girl.

“THESE COOKIES ARE SOOO YUMMY TOO!” proclaimed the boy with a black streak in their yellow hair.

Everyone was in a better mood and I got compliments for my cookies, I was in my happy place. After class, as I was packing my bag, the boy with the glasses came up to my desk

“thank you for the cookie, Palma-san, you really know how to bring a crowd together”

“oh thank you, uhhhhh”

“hm? OH my name is Tenya Iida, sorry I forgot to introduce myself earlier”

“Iida-san? oh its alright, its nice to meet you”

“I haven’t seen you around halls, sensei tells us your in a different program? Is it true?”

“Yes its true, also the school is kinda big and I can be easy to miss in a crowd because I’m so short”

“I see, well its lunch time! May I walk you to the lunch room?”

“oh thank you but I usually eat in the parking lot” I soon regreted my words because this square faced, glasses wearing ass gasped and grabbed me by the wrist followed by dragging me down the hall.

“You’ve been by yourself during such social time?! Now I have a better reason to bring you to the lunch group!”

“eating by yourself isn’t a huge deal” I say but looking back, thats all I’ve been doing.

“A true hero never lets a fellow classmate eat alone!”

I get aggitated and retort “well what if they want to be alone!” as I teleport out of his grip and 3 feet behind him. He sees the whole thing and stopped on the dime, he was shocked.

“you, you used your quirk to escape my grip? What is your quirk exactly?”

“Heck, um its Mid-range Telekinesis, I can levitate, levitate others and objects and teleport about 2 miles at a time.”

“thats incredible power! what do you mean your quirk isn’t strong or useful?! You’re gifted in so many ways!”

I wasn’t having fun anymore, he wasn’t letting me talk or left me alone when I said I wanted to.

“please stop”

“hmm? stop what”

“stop, talking about my quirk like I’m some sort of show horse”

“Show horse? no no no! I didn’t mean to-”

“STOP!” I didn’t want to hear it, I just wanted to hide. Tears were welling up in my eyes.

“what is going on here? Tenya, what are doing to that poor girl?” it was Midnight. “oh no, are you ok Itati?” and I start to cry when she made eye contact with me.

“its ok, you’re ok! please don’t feel sad” she comforted me as she held me, “why don’t you go to lunch Tenya, I’ll take care of things here”

“but I- I mean-”

“please, she’s been through too much already”

He walked away, looking back every few steps. Midnight escorted me to the staff room so I can calm down a bit and talk about what happened.

“You want to talk about it?” she asked me softly.

“yea, the school culture is too much for me”

“how so? Are you not making friends? Are the classes too hard?”

“its mostly the students outside of my program, they’re too into their hero agenda to be the best that they aren’t considering other’s personal feelings or perfernces”

I then tell her about the 3 upper classmen that talked about me and what Iida told me as they dragged me down the hall.

“oh I see now, it almost feels like you’re being targeted and pressured.”

“yeah, I want to learn about this hero culture more but this is too much at once. It’s strange because back home, I was so used to be part of the crowd and stand out when I wanted to. And here it feels like I breathe a little too loud and I’m suddenly getting looks”

“ok, I’m glad you aren’t giving up. But if they start getting physical and racist, please let any of the staff know.”

“alright, Thank you Midnight! I don’t know what I’d do without you”

I go about my day and tell Matsui and Oleshin what happened after school. They weren’t too keen about it,

“That glasses wearing asshole!”

“yea not good on a future hero if you tell me”

“We got your back Palma-san”

“YEAH! we international students have to stick together, its scary being alone”

“yea Matusi-san is right. If any of those hero asses try any of us, I’ll flex on them and toss them in the trash!” Oleshin-san said as she flexed her strong arms.

“And I can portal us to safety or anywhere really” Matsui-san said as he jumped.

“oh guys! I’m gonna cry again!” I said because I was so touched by their words.

“and I’ll T-pose, screech and rise on them. Maybe levitate them in the trash too”

We all laugh as we flex and T-pose together in the school parking lot. They walked me to my car. We were about to part ways to head home when I said

“hey, um you guys can call me Ita, if you want”

“Ita? then you can call me Jin”

“oh we doing short hand! then you can call me Mimi”

“Jin and Mimi huh? ok! see you guys tomorrow”

“bye!”

“until tomorrow”

As I drove home, I thought Holy shit I just made friends.

-End Chapter 1-

#bnha #mha #self insert au #chapter 1 #not canon #will update regularly #ask me anything

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twerkhammett · 6 years

Note

1-154

Holy fuck, good thing I have a long train ride😂1. Full nameAngelica DeLillo2. Age213. 3 fearsFailure, getting snatched up one of these nights im on the train alone, losing the people i care about4. 3 things I loveNik, food, and our cat5. 4 turn onsBiting, slapping (ass face and tits), being tied up or held down, and when he gets that mean look on his face and i know hes gonna be really rough with me ugh6. 4 turn offsI have had these experiences with almost every person I've been with except Nik..bad hygiene, being rushed (you cum yet?), bad oral and when i tell them what would feel good they dont listen..and worst of all sex that feels half assed. They just want to cum real quick, theres no passion or effort, they don't care if they please you at all. Fucking horrible..7. My best friendIn cali my best friend here besides Nik is Ashley, and I get to live with them both its awesome! In Florida I cant choose one cuz ive known them all forever and love those dudes..Mels, Denzel, Brauston, and Alicia8. Sexual orientationBisexual9. My best first dateWith Nikolas obviously 😉10. How tall i am5'611. What do I missMy friends and family back home12: What time were I born3:55pm13: Favourite colorGreen14: Do I have a crushOn my boyfriend😂15: Favourite quoteIdk man16: Favourite placeHard to choose one, maybe my bed😂17: Favourite foodI hate favorites..pizza and wings18: Do I use sarcasmNever :)19: What am I listening to right nowSlayer 20: First thing I notice in new personIf they're fuckin rude or not21: Shoe size822: Eye colorBrown23: Hair colorLight brownish? Auburn?24: Favourite style of clothingBlack25: Ever done a prank call?Yup27: Meaning behind my URLKirk twerkin28: Favourite movieKung Fury29: Favourite songCant choose30: Favourite bandStill cant choose my dude31: How I feel right nowMeh32: Someone I loveNik33: My current relationship statusIn love af its disgusting34: My relationship with my parentsPretty good these days35: Favourite holidayHalloween36: Tattoos and piercing i haveNips, lips, and ears37: Tattoos and piercing i wantA lot, whenever i get the money..38: The reason I joined TumblrMels made me join lol39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?I don't think he hates me, but i hate his bitch ass..40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?I used to get them from Nik but we live together so now he can just tell me lol41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?This morning42: When did I last hold hands?Yesterday43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?15mins, its caffeinating myself that can take time44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?Noooope45: Where am I right now?On BART46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?Nik, been a while since thats happened tho47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?Loud48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?Nope49: Am I excited for anything?For class to be over so i can relax lol...haven't even got there yet50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?Nik, Denzel, Brauston51: How often do I wear a fake smile?At work lmao52: When was the last time I hugged someone?Does my cat count? An hour ago lol53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?This would never happen, but I would go to jail if it did lol54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?Not that i know of?55: What is something I disliked about today?Nik had to work early and I've been sexually frustrated af56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?James57: What do I think about most?Nik and food are tied i think58: What’s my strangest talent?Idk59: Do I have any strange phobias?Eh not really60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?Behind61: What was the last lie I told?Not sure, probably at work lol62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?On the phone63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?Aliens yeah64: Do I believe in magic?Nah65: Do I believe in luck?Not really66: What’s the weather like right now?64 and clear skys67: What was the last book I’ve read?Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?Yesss69: Do I have any nicknames?Besides the ones Nik has for me no70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?Cut my knee open71: Do I spend money or save it?That shits gone pretty fast dont get to spend it on anything fun tho haha72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?Nah73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?My backpack has some pink on it74: Favourite animal?My cat😂75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?Fucking76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?Trump77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?Nightcrawler78: How can you win my heart?Be Nikolas or James Hetfield79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?Nothing80: What is my favorite word?Fuck81: My top 5 blogs on tumblrIdk man i like a lot of yall82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?Someone please assasinate the orange one83: Do I have any relatives in jail?Not that i know of84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?Invisibility or time travel85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?Not sure86: What is my current desktop picture?Some nature pic bc i havent change it87: Had sex?On a daily basis my dude88: Bought condoms?Yes89: Gotten pregnant?No90: Failed a class?Yup91: Kissed a boy?Yup92: Kissed a girl?Yep93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?Yes, Nik94: Had job?Sadly95: Left the house without my wallet?Fucking yes!!!96: Bullied someone on the internet?No lol97: Had sex in public?A few days ago lmao98: Played on a sports team?Yep99: Smoked weed?This is where my extra money goes..sigh100: Did drugs?Nothing crazy but yeah101: Smoked cigarettes?Yes102: Drank alcohol?Yeah103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?Noo104: Been overweight?Nope105: Been underweight?Nope106: Been to a wedding?Yep107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?Yes lol108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?Yeah109: Been outside my home country?Not yet, but I plan on it110: Gotten my heart broken?Yeah couple years ago111: Been to a professional sports game?Yep112: Broken a bone?My finger lol113: Cut myself?A while ago114: Been to prom?Nope115: Been in airplane?Yes116: Fly by helicopter?No but I want to!!117: What concerts have I been to?Megadeth, Metallica, Exodus, Testament, Carcass, Slayer, Midnight, Kreator, Obituary, Children of Bodom, Rammstein, and a few more but those were the best ones118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?Quite a few times119: Learned another language?Some German and some ASL120: Wore make up?I wear mascara121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?Yeah122: Had oral sex?Yupppppp123: Dyed my hair?Yes124: Voted in a presidential election?Yep!125: Rode in an ambulance?Nope126: Had a surgery?No127: Met someone famous?Nope128: Stalked someone on a social network?A while ago hahah129: Peed outside?Yep130: Been fishing?Yes131: Helped with charity?I donate to greenpeace monthly132: Been rejected by a crush?Sorta133: Broken a mirror?Im sure I have, I def had a big ass mirror fall on my fuckin head one time tho!134: What do I want for birthday?Some dick😂135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?2 max, no idea about names, havent thought about it much136: Was I named after anyone?No137: Do I like my handwriting?Its a bit sloppy but yeah138: What was my favourite toy as a child?Barbies lol139: Favourite Tv Show?DBZ😂140: Where do I want to live when older?The forest, somewhere in Colorado maybe141: Play any musical instrument?Not well lol142: One of my scars, how did I get it?Accidentally stabbed myself at work143: Favourite pizza toping?Mushrooms144: Am I afraid of the dark?No, I need it to sleep145: Am I afraid of heights?A bit146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?Yes lmao, many times by my dad usually147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?Did you mean my last relationship😂😂148: What I’m really bad atProcrastination149: What my greatest achievments areGetting the fuck out of fl, some of my artwork, learning to cope with my depression150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to meProb something my ex said lol151: What I’d do if I won in a lotteryQuit my job, build a house, and open a cave bar (me and Ashley were just talkin about that)152: What do I like about myselfWell i guess i never stop trying even tho i fuck up a lot hahah153: My closest Tumblr friend@stalkhome-sindrone probably😁154: Something I fantasise aboutA stable income...Thanks for that big ass ask my anonymous dude!!😂To the rest of my followers, sorry for the long post and some of the tmi questions😊

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corbswrites-sometimes · 7 years

Text

Caffeinated Excuses

s/o to that one time @spacezeros told me there wasn’t a heartstopper fic on ao3 yet so i fucking came out of fic retirement back to Hell to write one i don’t? love it? but it’s alright. p short tho--2,468 words.

i even made an ao3 and sat on a waiting list for a week

wow heres that link in case the ‘keep reading’ doesn’t work for you mobile readers http://archiveofourown.org/works/11731188

who even am I

The first time Charlie had met Nick, it was oddly surreal, or, it was for Charlie at least. It was late August, and Charlie had picked up a part time job while he stayed in school to get his masters degree. When Nick walked up, almost immediately, Charlie couldn’t help but find him more attractive than he’d like to admit. He was about the same height as he was, but he looked a bit more built than Charlie was.

“Hello? Are you okay?” Charlie was suddenly snapped out of his thoughts as he saw the man on the other side of the counter looking at him, confused and a little bit concerned. Oh no. Had the man said something that he had missed?

“Yeah, I was just-erm- I just spaced out a bit.” Charlie forced out a small chuckle as he silently scolded himself for giving this stranger the most awkward first impression possible.

The man smiled back. “No, no, it’s alright, I get it,” he paused for a second as he made seemingly unbreakable eye contact with Charlie. Or at least, that’s what Charlie thought until the man broke away to look down at his shoes and continue, “Just a large iced caramel vanilla breve, please.”

“Coming right up! Can I get a name on that?”

“Nick.”

After that day, Nick showed up every morning monday through friday, always with a cheery ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ for Charlie. Charlie had grown used to seeing Nick show up in the mornings, at about 7:45, order his drink between friendly small talk with Charlie, give Charlie a too-generous tip, and be on his way. About two months into this routine, he had just finished bringing Nick’s drink to the pick-up counter, where he was patiently waiting, when he heard his coworker from behind him.

“Charlie, boss wants this new recruit to shadow me for a bit, go ahead and take a quick break,” he nodded, going to turn his head back to the counter.

He was surprised to see that Nick hadn’t left yet, and he was still standing on the other side of the counter.

“Looks like I made it here at the right time!” Nick said, a huge smile plastered to his face. Charlie could feel his stare linger at that smile for a bit too long. That being said, he didn’t understand what Nick’s comment was referencing. Had it been directed at someone else?

Nick seemed to spot his confusion and continued, “I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out on my favorite barista.”

Almost immediately Charlie could feel a smile form on his face that probably mimicked Nick’s. Feeling an unusual spike of bravery from himself, Charlie found himself asking a question he had been curious about for a while.

“So, Nick, where do you work?” Charlie began taking off his apron as he walked around the counter for his break, “Sorry, that is--if you don’t mind me asking, sorry--”

Nick waved his hand in dismissal as he began to lead Charlie away from the counter, “No, no, it’s fine, I’m actually a primary school teacher.”

Charlie’s face lit up. “Really? Well that would explain why you would need so much coffee.” Nick broke into a deep laugh that Charlie couldn’t help but join in on.

“Precisely. They’re not always little monsters, though. Then again, I just really like kids, so maybe I’m a bit biased.” he gave a soft smile that Charlie once again couldn’t help but to stare at for just a little too long. “Care to take a seat?” Nick quickly managed to get out, motioning at the booth they were now standing at.

Charlie eagerly nodded as they sat, and Nick decided it was his turn for a question. “Are you in school?” Again, Charlie found himself only able to nod. “What for?”

“I’m actually getting my masters in Classical Civilizations!”

“Oh, that’s like Greek and Roman civilizations, right? That’s actually what we’re going over with my class right now.”

“Really? That’s awesome. I just, I think it’s so cool. The way they valued the arts and learning and how much discovery was during that time period. And then the way they perfected their architecture in such a clean cut way, and--ugh, I’m sorry, I’m totally rambling,” Bringing his focus back to Nick, he was surprised to see him simply watching him, with the same soft smile that he had on earlier.

“No, don’t worry about it. I don’t mind it at all.”

After that day, Charlie had found himself unable to get Nick off of his mind. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw those big brown eyes and a cheeky smile that could light up a room. Soon, he had even started making Nick’s drink before he walked in, timing it perfectly so that it had just barely finished when he entered through the door. Charlie couldn’t believe his own schoolboy-esque crush on a man that he barely even knew. He was probably straight, anyways. Nonetheless, the crush continued.

Once, in late November, the first snowstorm of the year hit. It started about half an hour after Charlie had gotten to work from out of nowhere, and Charlie immediately groaned in regret of not dressing warmer.

The topic came up again as Charlie brought Nick his drink. “Awfully cold today! Did’ya remember a coat?” Nick asked cheerfully, gesturing vaguely to Charlie’s tee-shirt.

He shook his head, “I got here at six, the storm hadn’t shown any sign of existing yet.” Nick let in a loud, clearly overdramatic gasp that made Charlie’s lips curl up into a smile.

“What time do you leave work?”

“Well, it’s Tuesday, which means that I have a class I have to leave to walk to at 8:30.” Nick gasped a little too loud again, but this time Charlie could tell he wasn’t being purposefully dramatic.

“You have to walk? No. Absolutely not. I refuse to let my favorite barista catch a cold.” Before he had even finished talking, Nick had set down his breve and began pulling his jumper off over his head, offering it to Charlie.

“Take it,” Charlie hesitated. “Please.” With that and one of his smiles that made Charlie melt, he reached out and took the jumper.

“Thanks, but--but what about you?”

“All I have to do is jump in and out of a cab. I’ll be fine, I swear.”

That next day, Charlie had tried to return the jumper back to Nick, but Nick refused, telling him profusely to keep it. Eventually Charlie complied, and even though he feigned upset, he had put the jumper back on the second Nick had left, taking a second to bury his face in the fabric.

One day, as Charlie brought Nick his drink, his nickname made another recurrence. “And a tip for my favorite barista.”

“Y’know, now that I think about it, aren’t I really your only barista?” Charlie replied playfully, taking the money that Nick had held out.

“Actually, I’ll have you know that I’ve probably had every barista here that works on saturdays or sundays.”

Charlie could help but feel a twinge at his heart, as stupid as it was, he kind of hoped that he was Nick’s only barista. “I thought you only got coffee for work. Why stop in on the weekend?”

Nick’s smiled faded a bit, and he diverted his eyes to his feet, and Charlie suddenly got scared that he had said something wrong. Nick opened his mouth to speak, but closed it quickly again. Charlie felt himself wince. Oh no. He had definitely messed up. Before he got his chance to begin apologizing profusely for whatever he had said, Nick finally spoke up.

“You don’t work on saturdays or sundays, right?” Charlie slowly nodded, confused of where this was going. “That took me a couple months to figure out. Over those weeks I came at a bunch of different times to try and find your shift. “ Charlie felt a blush overtake his entire face as Nick finished talking.Once Nick had regained his soft smile, he slowly looked back up to Charlie, who saw that Nick’s face was just as blushed as his own. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Charlie.”

On valentine’s day, Charlie was relieved to have the perfect excuse. “So how’s your valentine’s day Nick? Do you have someone special?” He asked, all too casual, as he handed Nick his drink.

“Nah, my last date was with a man who never called me back, and even that was quite awhile ago.” Oh. Oh. Charlie did his best not to get too excited. “How about you, Charlie?”

“Nope, it’s been awhile for me too. I actually don’t think I’ve ever had a boyfriend for more than a few months.” Nick smiled a smile that Charlie believed was telling, but even if it wasn’t, he smiled right along with him.

“Hello! I’ll have my usual, please.” The voice echoed through Charlie’s mind one day as he questioned who it could have belonged to. He really hoped it wasn’t some customer that he had forgotten about, his mind just simply wasn’t in the right place today. The only ‘usual’ he knew about was Nick-- oh. He looked up to see the bright smile staring at him.

“Oh, oh no, I’m-- I’m sorry I guess I just didn’t realize what time it was and it’s not ready yet today, I’m really sorry Nick, it will be just a second.”

Before Charlie could turn to get to work, he felt a hand grab his wrist lightly, surprising him so much he almost flinched.

“Hey. Don’t worry about it. Are you--are you okay? You look tired?” Charlie quickly took his hand that wasn’t in Nick’s and brought it up to his face.

“Oh, yeah, sorry, my mind’s just having a rough day. It happens sometimes, I think.” Nick’s face immediately went into a pensive look, and Charlie almost wondered if he had said too much.

“How busy is it usually around this time?”

Charlie hesitated for a second, thinking about the question. “It seems like the 7am rush ended rather quickly since both my coworkers left, so I’d say that the next customer walks in anywhere from ten to thirty minutes from now.”

“Thirty minutes sounds like the perfect length for a power nap.” Charlie almost gave a chuckle before he realized how serious Nick was being.

“Here? What if someone comes in earlier than expected? How will I know when to wake up? Plus, it’s a coffee shop, maybe I won’t even get comfortable enough to fall asleep.”

Nick just smiled. “I’ll wake you up if someone walks in. And look, you can use the booth as a mattress, your apron as a blanket, and my lap as a pillow. It will work perfectly.” Nick looked down as he finished talking, and Charlie hoped it was because his face was also rapidly turning pink at his suggestion.

“No no, I couldn’t--I don’t want to make you stay longer than you want to.”

“Trust me Charlie, if I could, I would stay here for as long as possible.” Despite those words causing Charlie’s blush to grow even bigger, he still stayed planted where he was.

“Fine then. I guess, I’ll just sit here doing absolutely nothing for absolutely no reason for half an hour.” Nick teased, giving Charlie his famous cheeky grin.

“You little--” Charlie mumbled as he slowly shuffled his way over to Nick’s booth. He sat, but right before he had laid all the way down, he stopped.

“Are you sure that… this is okay.” All Nick had to do was nod and after a moment of hesitation, Charlie finally laid his head down. In no time flat, he felt himself drifting off. And it was definitely just his half-asleep instinct to nuzzle into Nick’s leg when he felt something playing with his hair.

It was a day early in June when Nick came in looking a bit… off, and Charlie hated it. “What’s up Nick, are you okay?” he asked, probably trying hard to make it seem casual as he gave Nick his drink.

“Yeah, I’m good it’s just that it’s the last day of the school year.”

“Oh, that’s a bummer. Are you gonna miss your kids this year?”

“Definitely,” Nick paused, and looked towards his feet like he tends to do, “Plus, now I have to come up with a new excuse to come here everyday.”

Again, Charlie felt the blush on his face as he tried to come up with a response. Before he could, Nick grabbed his coffee and turned to leave.

“It’s an important day, don’t want to be late, seeya Charlie.” he mumbled, trying to quickly speedwalk his way out the door.

Later, at the end of his shift, Charlie began closing up shop, when someone burst through the door. As Charlie turned, he saw a familiar brown-eyed face.

“Nick, I was actually just closing up shop, we always close up super early on fridays, but I can probably still whip something together for you.”

Nick had a puzzled look on his face for a second. “Oh--oh no, I’m not here for a drink, I’m--I’m here for you.” Charlie felt his face heat up as Nick kept eye contact.

“How--how did you know I’d still be here?”

“Oh I uh--I didn’t, to be honest. I just know that you told me that you worked a lot longer than usual on fridays since you don’t have classes on them. I wasn’t sure how late you stayed though, so I rushed over here the second school got out.” Nick stepped closer, so that they were an arms-width apart, and Charlie couldn’t help but look to the ground.

“Oh, well, what’s up? Why do you need me then?”

“Can I-- can I ask you a question?” Charlie simply gulped and nodded. He felt a cool, comforting hand on his chin that pulled his head up so that he was looking Nick in the eyes again. Instead of pulling his hand away, though, Nick let it rest on the side of Charlie’s head. Charlie did his best to avoid nuzzling into it.

Nick took a deep breath. “I’m… I’m not… imagining it am I?”

Nick hoped that he wouldn’t have to explain what “it” was, he hoped that Charlie would understand. And he did. Immediately Charlie looked Nick dead in the eyes. “No, at least I don’t think so but if you aren't sure th--”

Before he could even finish his sentence, Nick took his other hand and wrapped it around Charlie’s waist, and pulled him into a kiss that Charlie had felt like he had been waiting his whole life for.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to find Nick a new excuse afterall.

#fanfic #narlie #nick nelson/charlie spring #my writing #NOT my characters #alice oseman #heartstopper #heartstopper webcomic #nick nelson #charlie spring #coffee shop au #older meet au #caffeinated excuse

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transfagged · 6 years

Note

all 92 😘

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?no way man she’d probably dom the fuck out of me

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?nope.

3. Have you taken someones virginity?n o p e

4. Is trust a big issue for you?YEAH

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?like in terms of romantic??? no. like in terms of “we have a really weird relationship and idfk how i feel @ you”? yeah.

6. What are you excited for?april 19th!!! my friend and i are going to go see phoebe bridgers in madison!!!!

7. What happened tonight?its 10am so ill roll with last night: i played nv and got killed in a beautiful cacophony of deathclaws and the legion :) and then my game crashed.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?no bc id be right there with them

9. Is confidence cute?very

10. What is the last beverage you had?i think some water? okay not the last but: hot water is so good with wildflower honey pls just drink some its good for your soul okay???

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?opposite is bullshit but i guess like,, 3? half my friends are nonbinary so counting EVERYONE regardless of gender and shit id say 6 people

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?im a proud supporter of boys in skinny jeans and i own 2 or 3 pairs

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?my main ho @thebonerfoy is coming up to visit me and were probably gonna pack all my shit in her car and play cards against humanity

14. What are you going to spend money on next? lmao probably my student loans. unless i can get the hours i asked for at work or a sugar daddy, then im gonna buy a proper lid for my fishtank bc my poor kid has a piece of cardboard rn.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?no

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?yeah. even in a state of stagnation were changing somehow.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?probably amanda, but im working on trying to be better with everyone

18. The last time you felt broken?my dude, im broken right now. its okay though. like i said, im working on it. were all fckn broken somehow.

19. Have you had sex today?not unless a ghost and i got in on in my sleep. which would be pretty cool ngl

20. Are you starting to realize anything?on a deep level: i deserve respect and a lot of my issues relate directly to my upbringing, including my inability to receive praise or speak well of myselfon a not-deep level: kinda hungry.

21. Are you in a good mood?i think i just heard fedex or ups outside so my mood just skyrocketed

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?maybe like. nurse sharks. theyre really cute.

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?yeah

24. What do you want right this second?to take a day to go into the city with all my friends that i cant see on a regular basis

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?probably be upset unless we discussed it beforehand. then id be fckn cheering for them like you go get some!!!! do it man!!!! in general tho: if i wasnt with them and they didnt show interest in me and showed interest in someone else id just move tf on.

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?half of it is bc my roots are growing out

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?no. too boring.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?okay so i went to renew my library books and one of my favorite youtubers is on the library website dressed as one of his characters and i completely flipped because i watch his gaming channel and now hes interviewing authors for my library??? he doesnt even live in my town!! hes in madison!!

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?no? im enjoying my solitude atm

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?depends on the person

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?no! hes my friend and gives really good advice!

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?i think so. i mean, were kind of a thing.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?yeah.

34. Listening to?killer - phoebe bridgers

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?only if im doing a rough journal spread, which i dont normally do

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?hes probably in class right now.

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?love at first sight? no. some sort of mutual infatuation/attraction? yes.

38. Who did you last call?my mom

39. Who was the last person you danced with?dancing with as in both dancing at the same time? probably amanda or my mom.

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?we were dating and he was cute lmao

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? a couple months ago?

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?no bc she leaves for work before i wake up

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?constantly.

44. Do you tan in the nude?lmao no.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?no. as previously stated, i liked the guy and he was cute. why would i take that back?

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?yeah

47. Who was the last person to call you?my mom

48. Do you sing in the shower?sometimes

49. Do you dance in the car?yEAH

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?yes i love my bow :’) its so good and wow i love archery

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?picture day junior year of highschool, and if that doesnt count: my mother took me in at jcp to have pictures taken when i graduated 8th grade and theyre awful bc my hair is so long and its so not me

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?excuse me, how dare you,, in this house we ask for war and peace for christmas because npgc1812 is so good and then get addicted to ghost quartet (@ anyone reading this: pls listen to ghost quartet it is so so so good)

53. Is Christmas stressful?depends on the year, but i hope in the future i can spend it with my friends :)

54. Ever eat a pierogi?i just had some last night for dinner and im probably going to eat the leftovers in a couple minutes. also, my mother is polish and we see her family for holidays, so yeah. lots of pierogi in this house.

update: i got the leftovers

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?idk??? apple? im basic okay i dont eat pie

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?1. teacher2. ballerina3. both 1 & 2, simultaneously4. paleontologist5. archaeologist6. both 4 & 5, simultaneously7. librarian8. game designer9. author/illustrator

57. Do you believe in ghosts?yeah

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?almost daily

59. Take a vitamin daily?im supposed to ;) vitamin d deficiency like a real champ

60. Wear slippers?real talk i never liked slippers but then i bought these cute pig slippers @ walmart for $10 and i love them so much i tried wearing them to sleep last night. also im wearing them rn theyre so cute

61. Wear a bath robe?i live in a dorm, so yeah. to the bathroom and back when i take a shower. sometimes im lazy and i just run around in a towel but so do half the people on my side of the hall lmao were all lazy and dead inside

62. What do you wear to bed?fluffy pajama pants or sweats, tshirt or hoodie, socks, sometimes slippers.. once i fell asleep with a beanie on. when im being an Adult i wear my actual pajamas!!! like a legit shirt and pants that match

63. First concert?none that i was old enough to remember :’) apparently my mom took me to the rodeo when we lived in texas and saw some country group but i was like 2 so idfk

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?TARGET I AM A CERTIFIED TARGET GAY

65. Nike or Adidas?adidas bc my feet are too wide to fit in nikes

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?yall real talk i used to love cheetos but i think im allergic to them now? last time i had them my throat got all swollen and hurt for like 3 days so im gonna have to say fritos. plus theyre really good if you put them in chili

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?sunflower seeds bc im a slut for anything i can have a spitting contest with

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?lmao i used to like her when i was like. 11. not my scene anymore

69. Ever take dance lessons?i dont think so?

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?anything that makes them happy, but also something fun!!!! like wedding photographer or a baker or maybe zookeeper?

71. Can you curl your tongue?idk??? kinda????? i can tie a cherry stem so i want to say yes.

72. Ever won a spelling bee?no i always got out bc my anxiety made me stutter/rush and miss letters, so i never even got past the classroom levels to the real thing

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?a lot!!! i laugh so hard i cry and get a stomach ache more than id like to admit

74. What is your favorite book?eleanor & park by rainbow rowell :) OR alice’s adventures in wonderland by lewis caroll

75. Do you study better with or without music?depends on if i can get into hyperfocus mode or not. if not, then i pick one song and put it on loop and blast it until it fades and is just loud background noise, but if i can focus then silence is best

76. Regularly burn incense?i used to but no burning anything in the dorms :( then i came home for break and it started giving me a headache

77. Ever been in love?i think so

78. Who would you like to see in concert?kesha, against me!, my chemical romance (rip), bigbang (also rip)

79. What was the last concert you saw?the one i mentioned earlier @ a rodeo

80. Hot tea or cold tea?hot tea

81. Tea or coffee?i live on coffee but i love tea too so both

82. Favorite type of cookie?mmm snickerdoodle. or just sugar cookies. chocolate chip is good when theyre hot and melty but not as good when theyre cold

83. Can you swim well?yeah! i love swimming!

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?yeah?

85. Are you patient?hahahahahahhahahahhahahhaa

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?oo. oooooo. okay so dj would have more variety of music but im a sucker for live music??? idk i feel like a band would be more memorable, but what if they fuck up your favorite song??? but what if they make it more special???????

87. Ever won a contest?yeah! i won an art contest once and got my drawing printed on christmas cards for a nonprofit that did things for cancer patients!

88. Ever have plastic surgery?im 17 i dont have that kind of money

89. Which are better black or green olives?depends on what theyre in?

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?good. live your life fuck the rules

91. Best room for a fireplace?bedroom!!! i love fireplaces in bedrooms its such a Look

92. Do you want to get married?idk. if it happens then it happens. im not planning on it though.

#tia-freyre #asks

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cicinicole-14 · 6 years

Text

coco’s college story

I just need to vent and get things off my chest. this is going to be quite long, and I’m going to add more to this, but we’re starting a new segment on this blog called #coco’s college story. I’m going to get personal and real and you don’t have to read, but I just need to write it all out. feel free to come talk if you feel inclined to. and since this will be long, I’ll put it under the cut. lets hope everything is spelled right...

college really sucks sometimes. I’m really stressed out from it and I have no idea what to do or what I am doing.

I’m going to start at the beginning, or try to at least. which, brings me to grade 11. I think this is really where it started. everyone was starting to take the ACT/SAT (American standardized tests required for most college admittance) and I hadn’t even begun to think where I truly wanted to go for college. yet some kids in my class had already started applying wtf. all I thought I knew was that a. I wanted to go out of state and b. I wanted to go far from home and c. I wanted to be a doctor.

summer of 2016 (summer after I finished 11th grade) I was in Virginia visiting my best friend Autumn (she plays a huge role in this). Autumn is 6 months older than me and would be at this time starting her first semester at GMU in the fall of 2016. so she asked me where I wanted to go to school. my reply? “haha that’s a great question!!! I have no fucking clue.” (literally word for word) and she was like “apply to GMU!!!” and I was like, “dude, Noah fence but you’re going there to be a hISTORY major and I literally slept thru that class for all of middle and high school. nah fam” and she’s like “yeah, but they have a great science program and then you can go to Hopkins after.” so I was like ok maybe. so I did what everyone does best: listed my pros and cons

pros:

going to school w/ bff since age 3

1,025 miles from home and from my mother*

good science program so I can be a dr??

location wise: gr8 bc autumn’s fam lived 2hrs north and my stepsister (who I’m close with) lived 2hrs NE and its a 2hr plane ride home to florida

cons:

is hella expensive**

1,025 miles from home

current number of people I know going to this school: 1 (and pls note: I hate doing things alone even tho I love to be alone. idk how to explain this but like like I enjoy being alone but I don’t like being alone. I know some of y’all understand this?)

leaving friends I have in florida

tbh, the pros outweighed the cons and I applied to GMU and I was accepted. (I applied to other schools and got accepted to one and denied at another because they closed the program I was applying for but I can assure u had they not, I would’ve gotten accepted)anyway, I took my ACT in October of 2016 and got accepted to gmu in December of 2016. I think that’s really when the stress started kicking in, because while I was happy to be accepted to my dream school, I had a lot of emotions I wasn’t ready for and then later on experienced them.

2017 started off decently. I went into the second semester of senior year knowing I was accepted and 100% planning on going to my dream school, ready for a new future, ready to leave Florida, excited about going to Italy that march with my class etc…

but it also brought hard times because I ended my friendship with one of my best friends in the whole world: olivia. we were inseparable and had been for 8 years and knew each other for 13 years. it was seriously really hard, especially because not only was I close to her, I was close with her mom, little brother, big sister, niece and nephews. it really sucked.

and, I had the daunting task of telling my mother I was going to Virginia for college.

now, as some of you may know, my relationship with my mother is very strained. and whenever I refer to my “parents” on Tumblr, I’m talking about my dad and stepmom, because I always refer to my mom (as mother) separately. and add to the fact, my mother flipped out on autumn’s mom a few years ago and told them to never speak to me again. so, since I was 12 years old, my mom has had no idea I’ve kept in touch with autumn and still has no idea I go to school with autumn. (my dad and stepmom love her family and her and see no problem with them same as me and she’s my best friend and my mother has issues we will not be addressing rn) anyway, so I didn’t tell my mother I got accepted to GMU until April of 2017. (mind you, I found out mid-december and my dad found out when I got the email because I made Claudia stop the car before we headed to a Christmas party lol) and so I told my mom in April that I was going to GMU and she asked me if autumn went there and I lied right thru my teeth and told her I had no fucking clue because we weren’t friends, remember? and that was one big thing that really started the stressing because a. I didn’t have olivia there as my bff to help me thru the stressful time, and b. I so badly wanted my mother to be happy for me but I knew deep down she really wasn’t because she also flipped out a bit and was like “wtf ur going to college? u leave in august?” and I was like yeah, what did you expect me to do?” and honestly, she was angry about it, but I was an adult, its my life and she had no say in where or whether or not I was going to college.

so, fast forward to college. idk how chronological this will be so we’re just going to list some stressors I’ve had with college.

it’s 1,025 miles away from home

I grew up in a town in Florida, in the same neighborhood I was brought home from the hospital in (I almost said same house, but I moved down the street long story…) I went to a preschool from ages 2-4 and then started elementary and middle school ages 5-13 at one school and then half of my eight grade class went to my high school. and I was there for four years. these people were family. out of the 7 people who went to high school with me, 4 I knew since kindergarten, one I knew since fifth grade and the other since sixth and the last one was me. and I made two friends (chelsey and Claudia) in ninth grade who are my sisters. I love them both so much. I would talk thru fire for them (and autumn, Robyn and belle ofc but we’re talking about my friends at home) anyway, I grew up there. Florida is my home. I like small places. I lived in a kinda small city in my two bedroom condo with my parents and doggo and I had neighbors who I’d known most of my life. my whole family was in Florida basically, minus my aunt (dad’s sister who we visit in NY or she’d visit us).

I was leaving my friends

I went from seeing Claudia every day in school, and once every two weeks during the summer or a few times a week because of our movie dates lol, and chelsey who graduated the year before me and lived an hour away from me at home, made it a point to still come to my school to see me and sleep over at my house, and then during the summer she came over once a week and stayed over. I saw them all the time. we’re three peas in a pod. I saw them a lot. and I only have 5 really close friends. friends I would walk thru fire for, and trust with my life. mentioned above: Claudia, chelsey, autumn, Robyn and belle. and we all have different relationships. autumn moved away when I was 11 and I coped with that in middle school (another dark time in my life) and I learned to live with that. Robyn and belle I met over Tumblr, so I’d never entertained the prospect of seeing them regularly. (tho Robyn and I have kinda made a pact of visiting each other during the summer and thus every other summer I get to see belle when Its my turn to visit Canada) but chelsey and claudia? I saw them a lot, and I hadn’t had to cope with a friend, who I saw a lot and was inseparable with, be away from me for a huge long period of time in a long time (age 11). and to add to the fact, both chelsey and Claude go to school at home and they became close with my family too so like idk it all just kinda fell apart

I get really homesick/leaving my parents and dog

this one wasn’t as bad solely because, I left home august 2nd. I was traveling by myself most of this month. I saw my parents at the end of the month when they held me move in for college. then, I got a surprise visit from them and my doggo in September because they drove up to my sister’s house 2 hrs from my school to escape the hurricane that was to hit Florida (bless, my house was fine). then I saw them again in October, because my sister got married!!! and thanksgiving I saw them again, November, because ofc its thanksgiving ill see them, even though it flew by. and now here, its December and I’m going home for a month. so I’ll see them thru January. and then lbr, because my dad works in Maryland a lot, he’s probably gong to be up north most of 2018 too and he vowed to visit me when he could because he’s a mush and misses his kid even if he denies it. also, the homesickness; I don’t like being away from people/be by myself in a house for an extended period of time, but I kinda built up my tolerance because my dad travels a lot and I have speration anxiety from it (he travelled all my life and I was left with my mother for a lot of it so stress but I built up a tolerance for it when I was like 15 and my homesickness started getting better from then on out) and like I did really well when I spent 8 days in Italy without my parents etc which I only had 1 tiny little freak out and Claudia helped me thru it and was proud at the fact that I only had one like 2 days in to the trip and was fine after that.

my life plan

holy f u c k. ever hear the saying like “you plan and god laughs”? well, holy fuck, it can’t be more true. I don’t care what god or thing you believe in, its fucking true. I’m a planner. not a detailed one, but its a rough outline, I have a plan of my life, roughly outlined; its got a few bullet points mainly looking like this:

my life:

go to college out of state

make money

be a doctor in the nicu

be a mom/foster/adopt kids

own lotsa pets

have enough money to build my own house

were going to focus on the “be a doctor” point. because this is where everything got fucked.

since I was five years old, five. I wanted to be a doctor. since that age, I narrowed down the specifics and specialty etc. I picked out what school I wanted to go to for medical school and whatnot. I’ve wanted to be a doctor since I was five fucking years old.

college has since changed that plan...

about a month into school this semester, I changed my major of–––biology degree> medical school> be a doctor to uh, now I’m currently in the pre-nursing (BsN) program at my college (and I’m minoring in photography, but that I knew about and hasn’t changed). I remember this day very clearly when I decided. it was a Monday. idk the date, but it was Monday and I was sitting in the JC (the main campus building) with autumn eating food and I was like “I’m having a crisis and I want to change my major to nursing” and so then I called my dad and told him I was going to do it. thankfully my while family was very supportive (minus my mother I have not talked to her since September[?]***)

so that happened, and threw me for a loop.

college is just extremely different in general.

I really don’t even know how else to categorize this. so here are just random things.

professors are weird. all of them. no matter their age: which this ranges too because I have some that are like two coughs away from dying and others who are literally only like 5 years older than me… fucking weird.

your syllabus is your fucking roadmap. don’t fucking lose it.

nothing ever gets graded at a decent time. I literally got two papers back without grades on them and they aren’t online either but the prof said that they’re recorded in the gradebook he has so like????

I grew up going to private christian schools since I was 2… which means no cussing in class and wearing a uniform and your parents drive you to school, we don’t have busses.

college: no dress code. I wore pj’s (with jack skellington on them) to class and Christmas and halloween printed leggings and hoodies with just a bra underneath and fucking whatever the hell I wanted to class, strapless/sleeveless dresses, whatever. my professors cusses in classes/lectures. I was taken back by this at first. but thoroughly loved the chillness and laid-backness that classes had tho because I could say whatever I wanted (vulgarity wise). and I now blame my worsening swearing habit on college because I’m not in christian private school or nannying 3x a week anymore so I haven’t needed to curb my language… walking…everywhere… I live on campus in a dorm without a car (autumn has one but we really only use it to run errands on Fridays) and damn that was a shock. because while yes, I lived in a smallish city and there was a Walmart and dollar store close to my house to walk to if I was bored, I didnt really walk much, we drove a lot. because my school was 15 miles away. and like idk nothing wasn’t super close. and now here that I live on campus, my whole life is here. I eat sleep and breathe campus, so I walk everywhere. to all my classes, to get food, well thats basically it because thats all college leaves you time for…

college is stressful.

and finally, here are more things that I wasn’t expecting.

I didn’t realize it was going to be this difficult. Im currently taking 6 classes (16 credits altogether) and out of those 6 classes, I’m currently passing 2 I think? college is fucking hard. it didn’t help that I had a few major major major anxiety attacks and literally disassociated with everything for a week, two different times, plus I got sick with a nasty ass cold, and like idk, just it sucked. I moved 1,025 miles from home and then homesickness an that reality of “I’m living a thousand miles from home by myself” hit me. and I literally know no one here except autumn who I see once a week on Fridays. (because we both have off) and like it killed me. I left my only home I’ve ever known. I moved my whole life here. and I had a shocking realization that yeah, I’m going to Florida during breaks and whatnot, but I left Florida August 2, 2017 and I knew it was for good. I packed up my whole room last summer and knew that when I got on the plane, I wasn’t going to ever be coming back home home for good. I left my keys on the kitchen counter and said goodbye to my room. and yes, its still my room, but it’s been a guest room for the past few months and its not my room anymore. I did move out. and so that hit me too.

and I’m alone here. I had a mental breakdown one day when I was texting chelsey and Claudia and all I really wanted was a hug from them but they’re a thousand miles away and couldn’t give me one, so I was stuck crying in the middle of our campus chick-fil-a. and so I texted autumn at 9am on a Thursday and she came in her pj’s and walked across campus to give me a hug so I could hug her, cry on her shoulder and breathe a little easier.

and while I know this decision to move states away and leave everything I’ve ever known was hard, I know it was the right decision and the best decision I ever made, and the scariest.

I know that because if I went to school at home, I would Never have ended up moving out. I know I needed to experience college dorm life, and living by myself more, and being independent. I know for my health––mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally––it was for the better. mentally: I am able to escape my mother being here where she can’t visit me or I won’t run into her here. physically: I walk everywhere and I’m attempting to eat healthier etc… spiritually: I’ve had a rough time with my faith, but I’m a christian and like autumn helps me a lot with this in strengthening my faith etc etc, (I’m more spiritual than religious) and emotionally: I’ve been able to heal and accept who I am, and I came out as bi to my friends, currently 4/5 of them and all of you guys. its a new zone here and I can live and be free and be me. I don’t have to worry about the people I knew from high school judging me because I’m bi and we went to a christian school etc. I’m who I am here and my decision to move here has helped me grow.

and also, yeah, I’m stressing currently about my future, but I’m going to take it a day at a time. I’m failing classes right now, but I’ve realized thats because I haven’t been on my A-game. I went thru a major life change, I’ve had a bit of family health issues, I’ve had to deal with a lot of issues and stress surrounding my mother and my relationship with her since starting college, and like a lot more, and so I have decided that while I had a mental breakdown about not making it into the nursing program, I’m going to take it slowly. fuck doing this all “fast and in four years and yada yada”. Its only been one semester, this is a whole new ballgame for me. college is so different from high school. so, I’m going to be better next semester, focus more on my passions, maybe take summer classes, and not pressure myself to be in the nursing program in my 3rd year, take my time. there’s no rush.

notes:

*– mother and I have a very strained relationship due to her years of mental abuse (and very little but still prevalent physical abuse) towards me. I’ve been trying to get out from under her thumb since I was 10. moved in with my dad when I was 12 but since he travelled for work a lot, I stayed with mother etc until I was about 15 when I stayed with friends or by myself. and so being away from her like this has only brought peace and less fights because I don’t have to see her or talk to her

**– college out of state tuition is hella fucking expensive, but thankfully, my granddad had set aside money for his grandkids (there’s only 2 of us, me and my cousin Kiersten who is out of college now) and has put us thru school (private school) our whole lives. we have been blessed so very graciously with being able to go to any school we chose debt free because our grandpa has it covered no questions asked and truly its the best thing ever because while I grew up not worrying about tuition, I still grew up with a tight family income because mom had a fixed income and then when I moved in with dad, he worked for himself, so he has seasonal work… some months its great, other months were scrounging for the last few dollars to put food on the table…

***–since moving to college and being out from under my mother’s thumb, I’ve been talking with my parents (again remind u this means dad and stepmom) about me needing to learn to heal and forgive and just live my life and I can’t do that if I keep having my mother call or text me or expect me to visit her etc… I’m an adult. I’m going home this Christmas to tell her that if she wants to be my mother in the long run, she needs to play by my rules, and this is now going to happen my way. I need to cut contact with her for however long. and she’s not to reach out to me. I need to be the one to do it because if she pushes it, our relationship is so strained right now because of her actions, if she attempts anymore, she’s going to lose me forever as her daughter and deep down, we both don’t want that. so I need space and need to learn how to forgive her. and she needs to get help and learn to be a better person herself. she needs to do a lot of things I’m not going to get into here but yeah, basically.

so that’s it. this was really long and I’m sorry about that. if y’all feel inclined to talk to me about any of this, feel free to do so. I needed to talk through this. I’m probably going to talk about #coco’s college story a bit as my life goes on. I will keep everyone updated. college is stressful, and crazy, and scary and wild and fun and terrifying and a lot of emotions mixed in one

xx cici

#coco’s college story #personal

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bevisims · 7 years

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Tl;Dr: Basically an about me and the foundation of my blog.

I feel the need to make a post like this because I’m very reserved, which I’ll get into, but honestly I would genuinely enjoy making friends within the simblr community. 1.) Hi, my name is Mary and I’m new to the simblr community in regards to having an actual blog and making edits. But before I would just lurk and reblog which I still do anyway so. 2.) I don’t make cc or mods whatsoever, kudos to people who do though, I can’t for shit even though I never attempted to.. cough ANYWAY 3.) I made this blog because a friend of mine who initially introduced me to Tumblr thought my edits were good enough to make a blog. I honestly didn’t think my stuff was good enough to post, I still don’t, but I’m glad I did. I’m not being modest, I use apps from my tablet to edit because adobe photoshop is just…I’m just better with apps, so my stuff can be rough around the edges. But I’m genuinely thankful that I actually grew the areolas to do this, this community is wonderful and so inspiring and I just love it. 4.) I was introduced to the sims by my cousin when I was 8, and I remember begging my mom nonstop but she said no because it was for teens and I was only like 8 or 9. BUT, this still amazes me to this day, I was blessed to get every single sims 2 game for free through my sister because at the time she had this job where she cleaned abandoned houses of people who were evicted and just left their stuff, and most of the time she would bring the stuff home to us and so yeah! And by the time I was 11 my mom bought me ts3. 5.) A little more about me, as previously mentioned my name is Mary and I’m 17, I edit and reblog strictly mm. I’m nothing special that is all my blog is haha. I’m homeschooled and I plan on going to college for astronomy or biology (my passion lies mostly in the stars though, where my head is 24/7). I play the violin and I’m currently learning French, I have absolutely no pets but I’m the most dog crazed, reptile whatever crazed, I will pet your shit m8. My love for animals probably came from not having any as a kid if I’m honest; anyway, school resumes in August and I struggle with social anxiety, so I’m pushing myself next school year so I’ll be busy(With things like working to get into Stanford, my instrument, working on internships/jobs, I’ll have many more class and I’ll be learning French again this year, AND DRIVING AHHHH) but I won’t abandon this blog, I’ll try to be consistent. I’m fairly new but I’m not new to learning withdrawal, I get really depressed and self conscious if I’m not productive or stimulating my mind in some way; but with editing sims, especially since it’s summer is stimulating enough as is. I’ve learned quite alot and maybe when I’m more confident I’ll edit from a computer instead of my iPad. Also I have sickle cell diease and I go to the hospital at least once a month, and my pain is constantly there so be patient with me. Also everybody who plays sims knows that you play for 30 decades and then you don’t feel like playing for 5,000 years, it’s…it’s a cycle, my depression doesn’t help with this either. 6.) Gosh everyone is so talented in their own way in this community. Okay I’m done gawking, promise. 7.) I try to be wcif friendly (I didn’t even know what that meant until I looked it up a month ago lmao) but it’s hard because I already had cc in my game before starting this blog and my mod folder isn’t the most organized, my stuff is merged so. But recently I’ve been reblogging whatever I download to my game or at least I intend to put in my game. 8.) And finally, honestly I was thinking about posting something within the lines of this for awhile but I only have like 11 followers… including my sister, luv u tho.. so I didn’t want to be that guy, well girl. But honestly I love this community and I couldn’t be more blessed to be able to have a working computer to play from and screenshot and a device to edit from. That might seem stupid and trivial, but I’m trying to find where I belong, I’m an overthinker and I am quite naive and I just try to see the beauty/blessing in everything. 9.) Do I have another blog or a main blog? Cookios is my first and primary blog that I mostly sh**post on…yeah Rami is my photo……Yes I see a therapist. 10.) Why did I decide to name my simblr BeviSims? My last name is Beaver and I lack creativity, something close to BeviSims was taken and I settled for this but I forgot what form of my title was taken. 11.) My most popular post? My Rami malek edit probably, also my favorite and not JUST because that boi is finer than wine itself but because he has interesting features so it was fun to make him! Especially since I strive to diversify my sims. 12.) Will I post selfies on this blog or make a sim-self? I will most definitely make a Sims me in the near near future, eee I’m excited!! As for selfies, probably not we’ll see. THANK YOU! 😘

In the future I hope to participate in many of these creative tags, like the song tag where you make a sim based on that song. I like that, it helps especially if you’re trying to find a reason to get up and edit or if you want to but you just don’t have anything to work from. (Sorry if some of it doesn’t make sense or if there are an unbelievable amount of typos, I will go through this in the morning from the computer and organize it and proofread but I was anxious to get this out, even if nobody reads it, I’m glad I did it.)

#about me #sims #simblr #tumblr #sorry for the tldr #love this community #maxis match #ts4

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theboywiththepinkfloralpurse · 7 years

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134 questions

1: Name - Joel 2: Age - 18 (19 in June) 3: 3 Fears - being alone, not making anything of myself, and bugs lol 4: 3 things I love - My Sweet and Wonderful Boyfriend, music and making music, chocolate 5: 4 turns on - the back of my neck, it's really sensitive… when the other person takes control… that's all you get for now ;) 6: 4 turns off - biting, roughness lol, uncomfortable positions, boobs (lol) 7: My best friend - Sterling 8: Sexual orientation - Gay (duh XD) 9: My best first date - pizza place with my current boyfriend 10: How tall am I - 5’6” 11: What do I miss - my boyfriend. And music camp tbh 12: What time was I born - not sure… the afternoon maybe? 13: Favorite color - Teal 14: Do I have a crush - very much so 15: Favorite quote - not my favorite but I love it cuz it's hilarious “...the people that put the chemicals in the water that turned the friggin frogs gay!” - Alex Jones 16: Favorite place - Sterling's house (and now anywhere with my boyfriend :) 17: Favorite food - Mac n’ cheese. Also chicken 18: Do I use sarcasm - nooooooo I neeeeever eeeeeeever use sarcasm (lol) 19: What am I listening to right now - my Mom has some cringey Christian radio station on... 20: First thing I notice in a new person - kindness 21: Shoe size - 10 (12 women's XD) 22: Eye color - blue 23: Hair color - dirty blonde 24: Favorite style of clothing - sweaters with or without buttons, clothes with buttons in general. Fall clothes 25: Ever done a prank call? - once… it was so cringey but he actually fell for it

27: Meaning behind my URL - theboywiththepinkfloralpurse was my first blog where I really needed someplace to make venting emotional posts and I'd just gotten a tacky pink purse with flowers lol. a-random-gay-bunny is pretty self explanatory lol 28: Favorite movie - ahhhhhh I'm so bad at picking favorites for most things…. I do really like V for Vendetta tho. Seen it many times, and the entire X-Men series. 29: Favorite song - too many to pick… 30: Favorite band - except this… I can say for sure it's Pentatonix. I've seen them in concert twice, I love them so much 31: How I feel right now - happy, but I wanna hold my boyfriend and kiss him 32: Someone I love - My boyfriend John 33: My current relationship status - very taken <3 34: My relationship with my parents - much better than a couple years ago, still a little rocky but pretty good 35: Favorite holiday - probably Christmas 36: Tattoos and piercing I have - none 37: Tattoos and piercing I want - I'm not sure, but I would like a tattoo or a few one day 38: The reason I joined Tumblr - to vent my feelings to the void lol 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? - don't have one 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - everyday :) <3 41: Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? - this question is weird lol, but John's the last person I texted and the only person I've kissed :) 42: When did I last hold hands? - yesterday 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - depends, I can get ready really quickly if need be though 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? - nope. Last I shaved was a week ago I think 45: Where am I right now? - at home on my couch 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - either Sterling, John or both, but I don't plan on getting drunk ever. I guess it could happen but probably won't be drinking in the future 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - both, usually slightly loud though 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - yeah… hopefully not for too much longer 49: Am I excited for anything? - seeing my boyfriend on Saturday, and going to camp in 52 days, and hopefully passing my driver's test in 107 days. 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - sort of? I feel like I can tell Tabby everything 51: How often do I wear a fake smile? - not too often, only in situations where I feel uncomfortable but feel I need to smile. 52: When was the last time I hugged someone? - couple of hours ago 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - I'd be vereh sad and I'd want to know why. But he wouldn't do that :) 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - I'm a really trusting person so probably 55: What is something I disliked about today? - I couldn't see my boyfriend and kiss his cute face 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - uhhh… I dunno… maybe Tyler Oakley cuz I bet that would be really fun 57: What do I think about most? - heehee, my boyfriend. And also getting a job and figuring out plans for things, always running through plans in my head. 58: What’s my strangest talent? - I'm not sure, but the fact I can sing so low and so high is a pretty strange talent I guess 59: Do I have any strange phobias? - I'm very afraid of getting water in my eyes 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - behind it 61: What was the last lie I told? - I told my Mom I understood when she told me that my having a boyfriend is very difficult and awkward for her. I really don't understand 62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - definitely on the phone, but before my boyfriend I would've said neither 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - I'd like to believe in aliens, but I dunno. As for ghosts I don't believe in them at all really. 64: Do I believe in magic? - kind of? I think people can and have been able to connect with demons and been controlled by them. I don't think it really happens today much anymore. I think it might tho? 65: Do I believe in luck? - not really, sort of in a cutesy way tho 66: What's the weather like right now? - slightly cloudy, but the sun has mostly set anyway 67: What was the last book I've read? - all the way through? Animal Farm. The last book I opened and read from was a book Sterling gave me. 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? - Oh god no, do some people like that smell? 69: Do I have any nicknames? Dork, pianoman (from this strange sports camp where everyone had a nickname) 70: What was the worst injury I've ever had? - had a car hood slam on a couple fingers, they didn't break tho surprisingly. Never had a broken bone 71: Do I spend money or save it? - spend… I shouldn't, I need to make money so I can start saving 72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? - just barely the bottom of my nose 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? - yes, my old pink purse and probably some other stuff 74: Favorite animal? - besides cats and bunnies, red pandas 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - talking to bae 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - I don't think he has one? Strange question lol 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - you'll be in my heart by Phil Collins 78: How can you win my heart? - genuinely caring about me :) 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - Here lies the gayest gay to ever gay 80: What is my favorite word? - maybe bitch lol 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr - a bunch of furry blogs lol 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - …..hi?... anybody wanna give me free money and help me see my boyfriend more?.... 83: Do I have any relatives in jail? - no. Unless I have distant relatives in jail 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - teleportation 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - not many, but one is “have you cheated on school assignments” 86: What is my current desktop picture? - my cat Loki 87: Had sex? - nope 88: Bought condoms? - nope 89: Gotten pregnant? - NOPE XD 90: Failed a class? - no 91: Kissed a boy? - yee 92: Kissed a girl? - nononono 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - not yet ;) 94: Had job? - not yet :( 95: Left the house without my wallet? - plenty of times lol 96: Bullied someone on the internet? - maybe? When I was like 13/14 I might've, but not really, I made cringey YouTube comments. 97: Had sex in public? - nope lol 98: Played on a sports team? - nope 99: Smoked weed? - nope 100: Did drugs? - nope 101: Smoked cigarettes? - nope 102: Drank alcohol? - nope 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - nope 104: Been overweight? - nope 105: Been underweight? - ...yeah 106: Been to a wedding? - many… many 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? - HA plenty of times XD 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? - probably 109: Been outside my home country? - no 110: Gotten my heart broken? - yeah 111: Been to a professional sports game? - actually yeah… it was boring 112: Broken a bone? - nope 113: Cut myself? - no, I considered once but immediately decided against it because I know someone close to me who did 114: Been to prom? - nope 115: Been in airplane? - a few times 116: Fly by helicopter? - nope 117: What concerts have I been to? - Oh lots, a bunch of em were when I had a scholarship that allowed me to see concerts for free 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? - plenty lol, better question would be had a crush on the opposite sex. Which the answer would be… once 119: Learned another language? - sorta? Not fluently no lol 120: Wore make up? - nope, I don't like stuff on my face like face paints and makeup and stuff 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? - nope 122: Had oral sex? - nope 123: Dyed my hair? - no, but I want to someday. Like a fun color 124: Voted in a presidential election? - yeah 125: Rode in an ambulance? - nope 126: Had a surgery? - nope 127: Met someone famous? - kinda! 128: Stalked someone on a social network? - a few times... 129: Peed outside? - yeah, hasn't everybody at least once? Right? 130: Been fishing? - once… super boring 131: Helped with charity? - not yet, can't afford to yet lol 132: Been rejected by a crush? - once 133: Broken a mirror? - don't think so 134: What do I want for birthday? - always a difficult question. But definitely want to see my boyfriend :)

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ryleejaybyrd · 7 years

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ANSWER ALL THE EVENS BWAHAHA

Jesus christ Taylor XD Nobody cares but here I go!!!!!!!

lol like how I tried to play it off cool but I’m actually super stoked rn

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

Yes and no... for like the first day of winter when it’s all pretty and pristine but when it get’s to the point of ‘fuck me do i still have toes?’ I’m over it.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

I like my coffee with french vanilla creamer and lovingly call it my princess froofroo bullshit drink. On the tea side of things I like herbal without anything added becuase I feel like a fairy drinking flower water.

6: do you keep plants?

I love thinking I could, but the only plant I haven’t killed is the one that I keep in my papa’s sunroom where I’m never anywhere near it because everything I touch dies screaming.

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

Is internal screaming a viable medium? I like to think I can write, but that’s still under investigation

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

I’m all over the place, you can usual tell by my hair tho. Seeing as it sticks straight up on whichever side I sleep on.

12: what's your favorite planet?

Jupiter!! It has all those awesome moons that are v cool.

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?Hmmmmm, it’d probably be a homey mess of books, fandom knicknacks and random coffee mugs with random socks laying everywhere. (there may or may not be a smiley face painted on the wall that is outlined with bullets.. crazy night..)

16: what's your favorite pasta dish?

I’m very uncultured so spaghetti is how imma roll

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

oh god, you mean every other moment I’m in their presence? My shining moment would probably be when I had a minor stroke after getting v excited about making cinnamon pancakes for @klskipper13 and I stuttered so bad I said “ Cinininamonon pancancancakes”

20: what's your favorite eye color?

Probably green!

22: are you a morning person?

HAHAHAHA. that’s cute

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

Honestly I’m a pretty open person? I’ll tell anyone anything, especially if I think it’ll make them laugh.

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

YOU MEAN THE ONES THAT JUST BROKE AND I’M STILL GRIEVING OVER. They’re brown combat boots that go to just under my knee with laces all the way up. I lovingly named them my Katniss boots, may they rest in peace.

28: sunrise or sunset?

I like the idea of sunrise. There’s just something about beginnings that make me all poetic and shit

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

Yup, 100% when my friend and I got busted after drinking at her mormon grandmothers house. In retrospect, probably should have done it elsewhere.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

At my 13th bday party my friends and I were staying at a house on a golf course and we streaked nude up and down the 18th hole. Till this day I wonder if they had surveillance cameras.

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

It was a doe deer beanie baby named Whisper. She was that stuffed animal that went everywhere with me. At age 12 I lost her somewhere at my cousins house and am still sad about it till this day. She had one eye and a pink nail polish stain on her chest. Bonus story: my oldest friend @haleygalik had that same beanie baby and gave it to me since I was so upset about losing mine. I still have Whisper 2.0 till this day

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?Right now? Uuhh, I’m not sure tbh. I’m kinda feeling serene so something celticy. I’m also uncultured in music.

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

Dogs that beg when you try to eat. My dad passed that down to me. I will literally stare a dog straight in the eye and eat slowly. Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs more then humans, but that bothers me. I also get very twitchy when a computer desktop is just full of icons (yes I’m talking about you Tay.)

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?

I have this wedding band set that I found when my great grandma jay passed away. I think it was her wedding rings, but I never knew for sure. I wish I knew their story more then anything.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

There’s a shop that’s in our town called grump monkey. Its small and kinda modern themed but still comfy.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?Hmmm, probably when I was swimming in the ocean last November. The ocean is my home.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

The fact that Barbara Dunkelman from Rooster Teeth is so bad at puns she gave herself the title Barbara Punkelman....

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

Being abducted by one of the aliens from Signs. Well duh.

50: what's an odd thing you collect?

Tbh I don’t collect anything really... but I do have a thing about small intricate boxes and bottles. I don’t usually keep them long tho. I move a lot.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

The only one I’ve noticed is the thing with the cowboy hat. I’m not the most observant

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

I just saw a friend of my mom’s who’s brother passed away, that was rough.

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

It is so great when people talk with their hands more and more as they get excited. The best story tellers look like they’re being pulled around by a drunk marionette person.

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

@brigadepuppy is probably the wine mom, and @klskipper13 is the vodka aunt who doesnt really drink but has a bottle thats filled with water so people wont nag her to drink with them.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

Robert Frost is my main bitch. His path diverging in a yellow wood will always be my fave. tho in english class we once read this poem about a lady who kept one of her lovers locked away in a hidden room and continued to sleep by the body even after the person died... to this day i cant find it anywhere. had something to do with roses. creepy as fuck but great.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

Orange is the bomb!

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

a black satin canvas speckled with the iridescence of millions of different cosmic lights

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

Oh! I really like colorful leaves and vines instead of flowers.

68: what's winter like where you live?

A mythic bitch. #upperleft

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

Fuck to the no. I like not being haunted thank you. Tho, I am 100% convinced a ghost named Tina haunts me. I’ve had flickering lights, random bangs, and things falling off shelfs happen every once in awhile. I’m surprisingly calm about it mostly.

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?

Absolutely. Helps keep my mind clear too. If i write it down it’s not swirling around in my brain and distracting me. Once its tangible its easy to toss aside.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

I have only two friends

Friend 1: My lil Asian

Friend 2: Lil Bitch

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?

Oh for sure. I should be buying a ticket from Florida to New York, researching my trip to New Zealand, and double checking my bills are payed. HAHA NEXT QUESTION

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

I’m a fanclub! I have a lot of love for people I’ve never met

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

White, sadly. I didn’t, like I said. I move a lot.

82: are/were you good in school?

100% was a fly on the wall. Put in minimum effort and left with a 3.5 GPA cuz our school system is a joke.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

Yas!~ I want to do my Harry Potter house with my friends and something to do with space/the ocean or mythical creatures

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

Uh sure, I totally know what those are and they’re great...

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

The lil animatic videos people are doing for musicals! I love them so much!!! For example @galactibun and @raythrill do some really neat ones! (or at least I’m pretty sure they do??? I always see them blogging that style anyway)

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

Austin! Mainly because Rooster Teeth, but also it was such a vibrant place! I would like to live their someday.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

All the cheese. It’s cheese with a side of pasta. I love cheese.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

My Aunt Kelly!

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? 100% procrastinator. They take forever.

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

Way to long... uh probably last summer with a friends dog! Of course! Being outside is always cathartic

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

I’d go into the past! I’d miss so much if I were to skip ahead that I’d feel anxious I think.

Here you all go, XD thanks Tay, I appreciate you booboo

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myvelouri · 4 years

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So like, a lot happened. I just got home tonight.

I snuck into her room and it was nice.

I don't know where to begin to be honest and I'm forgetting a lot.

She loves root beer and so I got this special alcoholic root beer. She tried to like it but she didn't like it. Unfortunately. Also specs totally ripped me off cause I used credit instead of cash or debit which charges you an extra amount of money which is BULLSHIT

So we started cuddling and listening to music. This is gonna be out of order cause I can't remember all of it..we talked a lot and a lot happened.

So she wanted to know me more. And I wanted to know more about her. Oh also the guyfriend from earlier today! Well, I finally got her to tell me. I basically told her she doesn't tell me all the lil details of her day. I'm used to that and I actually prefer it. She said she does too. But anyway, yeah, I didn't tell her I was butthurt about that guy. But it was a guy. And she was at campus and she hung out with him. They talked actually A LOT. she's the one who reached out to him on campus. Um... She said he's a college friend and the only one. She said they took classes together and then they got so fuckin close that she had arranged for him to take the next semester with HER. She told him what classes and everything... Dude I've never had a girl like me as a friend that would try to demand me take classes with her. She said he's chill. She said he's a pharmacist. She said he told her some funny shit about working at a psychiatric ward. Um. She told me so much. It seemed a lot and I wanted to ask her "did you all have a thing as well?... Was it platonic or nah?" But I absolutely didn't as that seems so insecure. She probably had a crush too. But anyway yeah I'm like surprised she didn't tell me about this whole ass hang out with another guy and I had to ASK about it cause I only could guess it even happened at all from a post on her story. Like, really? Where's the open and honesty shit. Damn

She said she could get a crush on a guy even though she's in a relationship, I said that's really messed up to me..she said it's only happened once..she said she wouldn't act on it. I said, nah that's not the point? The point is you were in a relationship and you actually were capable of having a crush on another guy as well as that's not just physical attraction, that's a whole ass higher level, a CRUSH, bro, you like this other dude when you're in a relationship. She said it's not the same but, to me this is a huge issue.

Oh so I found out the thing she was not telling me she'd do earlier. It was that she was going to text her recent ex and ask if he's doing okay. LIKE DUDE WTF. She's said nothing but negative things about him.and how she doesn't want to hear his voice or see him and she makes cringe faces as well as serious disgust at the thought of seeing him ever again. She told me many times she wants him out of his life and not be friends either. She said this a lot and it's also why I was okay with going out with her. Also he invited her to a thing and she really REALLY didn't want to go, she was so grossed out by him....in fact she didn't go and we went out that night instead. So why the fuck is she getting drunk and thinking about him to the point she wants to drunk text him how he's doing. That goes against every single thing she told me... Wow.

You still have feelings for the dude. I figured. But I didn't since she shat on him a lot..I thought damn she really hates him

Also I think I'm balding, or it's stress related, or the dandruff shampoo I been using. Idk what's happening.. I'm devastated

Anyway also she asked how much do I like her. She said she wanted to be honest. She said right now she likes me at a 6/10 but changed it to a 7/10... I was confused cause I thought she liked me so much, I thought it'd be a 10/10. Boy was I wrong. She said it started at a 3/10....I was like wow that hurts ha. But okay. Np.

So I asked more about it and she said, the first time she saw me, she was physically attracted to me at a 8/10 but it's at a 10/10 now, but she started liking me, which is different, it's harder for her to like someone SO SHE SAYS and it was at a 3/10 for a second and that day we worked together with another co-worker and we joked around she liked me at a 5/10. I was like damn that was fast actually

She asked me what I don't like about her. I asked her instead first. And she said "physically? Or personality wise? And my heart slightly jolted in a horrible way, I thought, wow there's something she doesn't like about me physically?... And she straight up said she doesn't like the hair on my butt. But to be honest I detest it too and I actually trim it every month, I guess she saw it when it was longer..yikes. embarrassing

I told her I like everything about her physically. Seriously, there's nothing bad? Like, I legit like it all. She has a nice body.

I said I don't like the parts of her personality where she's confusing and contradictory or just like what she did tonight with not telling me what she'd do when she was acting crazy and drunk and saying she was gonna hit up someone... The people she talks to.. which turned out to be ex's. Yep. And I said there's just a few things. I was only able to tell her this because she said what she doesn't like about my personality is whenever I get anxiety (because of her) that I shut down and stop talking and won't talk. And I realize that. But I can't change it.

Okay so she also told me about her day finally cause I asked. And she said she had a group project and they had to sing a thing. Make your own beat to a Shakespeare thing. She said there was this guy in her class who's super country and he started singing in a deep deep voice, singing country as fuck and she looked all turned on and said "oh, boy, oh, mmmmm, don't do that"... I was like wtf you're checking out dudes in your class and shit like that? (I didn't say that out loud, I just thought it) it made me feel really insecure and like, I asked her if that was a good thing, country guys, and she said yeah, that'sa huge thing, she loves country boys and we joked about it for a second. I was half joking. I said I'm not even your type... I'm only a few things. And she said she likes guys in all black, emoish, like alternative music but like country as well, are country but alternative, deep voice, and then I added "yeah and have blue eyes, are white and have a big dick" and she moaned to each one of those saying "mmm yeah" like she's fantasizing about this guy in her head already. I'm like yeah.... Okay..

And she said something fucked up. I said I'm not good at pleasing you sexually, I can't get fully hard and (my dick ain't big) and she said she doesn't care anymore about that because her ex fucked it all up for her (cause he was fucking rapey as shit and always constantly fucked her and tried even tho she said no) and I said to her "so you would have dumped me already had you never been with your ex..." And she said "I don't think so cause I'm not like that..."

But... Dude... She's saying I'd basically not be good enough sexually had her ex not fucked her up. That makes me feel so bad about myself. Like I'm a reject she's just settling for. A piece of shit that has a small dick and can't fuck her right.

We had sex. I ate her out. She really tastes so good I'm like wow. I couldn't get fully hard and I fucked her standing up, she looked so good sucking my dick on her knees. The first condom immediately made me lose my erection so I couldn't fuck her. She sucked me off more and I got the second condom after taking the other one off of course, and we started fucking. It felt good but I hated that I wasn't fully hard. I fucked her hard, rough, choking, everything almost. But we had to be quiet. I was getting too loud in every way. She said she was so close to cumming. But she didn't. She told.me to cum. I wasn't about to. But I made myself cum. And I was upset about it all. I also did intially have to fuck her raw for a few moments before I could get a condom on. It felt so good, she felt so tight around my cock, I was surprised. My dick is so useless and tiny, like I could legit tell how good it's feel if it was bigger and thicker, longer, everything, I could feel every nook and cranny, like seriously, what a FUCKING shame to have my genetics.

Okay so we were watching music videos, they just played and I told her one of my man crushes is the darker haired dude from the band Boys Like Girls, and so their music video was playing and she was just talking to me and he popped up on the screen and she stopped and moaned "ohh...mmm" cause she thought he was hot as fuck. And she told me. I'm so bothered dude, she gets so jealous if I do this with other girls but she continues to check out other guys and she justified it saying he's a celeb she can't ever have. I was like nah, you could get him, plus I'm as hot as the celebs so... Derp. Anyway what I said was YEAH THAT DUDE IS HOT AS FUCK, HES THE MANCRUSH IVE HAD SINCE FOREVER, I TOLD YOU HE WAS HOT. and in fact she's already told me that I look like him and am the same type as him before. He's hotter than me. Also another thing, I was telling her I know her type, blue eyed white guys with dark hair and alternative style etc, and she said nah, she doesn't like blue eyes. But this music video came up and the singer has blue eyes, same video, and she goes "mmm okay you were right, those blue eyes got me though mmm" and I was so bothered, especially cause she tried to argue that she doesn't like blue eyes that much earlier. And she said if the other darker haired guy had blue eyes instead, and she said "oh mmm" I said nah he'd still be the same hot. She said "no, hotter." And she continues to make me feel jealous or whatever..like no wonder I'm fucking balding. And she doesn't tell me she hung out with a guyfriend alone before class. Like wtf, she said she'd never do that. She just is so untrustworthy to me

I overall feel like... Shit.

She said she thinks it'll be hard for her to get herself to like me more, for her to get there. And that came out of left field honestly, cause she's been hyping me up and saying how much she REALLY REALLY likes me everyday

She opened up her notes and I saw a message to herself that said "I feel like" and it kept going and it was about half a paragraph but she quickly hid her phone. And shes aware that I write to myself, like here, but of course I don't let her see this, it's private. But I do tell her I do this. And she wants to know what I write about. I feel like she's hiding things from me as well tbh

I'm gonna get drunk now.

#people #relationships

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