#and i have so many reasons to hate her but i cannot bring myself to ever think badly about her

[evertomorrowart]

Best of YouTube 2023

Yes, I did spend the first week and change of January on this. I wish I could have had it done for New Years, but too many people came out with incredible work in December, so waiting turned out for the best.

What these creators do are a huge influence on my life, I would honestly have difficulty doing what I do without them. That isn't to say that my favorites of the year are *only* on this image--It was almost impossible to narrow down my favorites. Many creators I wanted to include couldn't fit on a single page, and too many of them made more than one video I wished I could draw too!

But, to all of you, thank you for what you do. You're an inspiration.

For those who don't know, further is an explanation.

At the bottom center is an artistic masterpiece by Defunctland: "Journey to EPCOT Center: A Symphonic History." Over the last several years, Defunctland has risen from delightfully-entertaining commentary on decommissioned theme park attractions to occasionally dropping profound statements on the creation of art itself. "Journey to EPCOT Center: A Symphonic History" is worth treating like the cinematic experience it is: No second screen, you sit your ass down in front of a TV, set down the phone, and then you *watch it.* Any Disney, theme park, or independent film fan needs to pay attention to this one.

Bottom left is Caelan Conrad with their piece "Drop the T - The Deadly Consequences of Gay Respectability Politics." While I do think they've done more visually or artistically-daring pieces before, "Drop the T" is one of the most important videos released on YouTube in today's current climate of hate. We as queer folk (and our allies) need to understand how integral every identity of the queer experience has been since the start of the Civil Rights movement (and before!). While we are not identical, we *are* inseparable, and we deserve having our real history easily accessible.

TERFs and other conservative mouthpieces need not reply. Your opinions are trash. 😘

I cannot stop watching and rewatching this video by @patricia-taxxon, "On the Ethics of Boinking Animal People." It's not just a defense of furry fandom and its eccentricities, it's a thoughtful and passionate analysis of what the artform achieves that purely human representation can't. Patricia goes outside of her usual essay format to directly speak to the viewer about the elements that define furry media (the most succinct definition I've ever heard) and just how *human* an act loving animal cartoons really is.

As an artist who can draw furry characters, but never really got into erotic furry art, this video is a treasure. Why did I choose to have her drawn as a Ghibli character, hanging out with one of the tanukis from "Pom Poko?" Guess you'll have to watch, bruh.

Philosophy Tube continuously puts out videos that I would put on this list--I'm not even sure that "A Man Plagiarised my Work: Women, Money, and the Nation" is the best work she released in 2023. However, this video got many conversations going between myself and my partner, and the twist on the tail end of the video shocked us both to such a degree that I had no choice.

At the very tail end of the year, Big Joel released "Fear of Death." On his Little Joel channel, he described it as the singularly best video he's ever done, and I'm inclined to agree. However, for this illustration, I ended up repeatedly going back to a mini-series he did earlier in the year: "Three Stories at the End of the World." All three videos are deeply moving and haunting, and I was brought to tears by "We Must Destroy What the Bomb Cannot." While it may be relatively-common knowledge that the original Gojira (Godzilla) film is horror grappling with the devastation America's rush to atomic dominance inflicted on Japan, Big Joel still manages to bring new words to the discussion. Please watch all three of the videos, but if, for some reason, you must have only one, let it be "We Must Destroy What the Bomb Cannot."

Y'all. Let me confess something. I hate football. I hate watching it, I associate seeing it from the stadiums with some of my worst childhood experiences, I despise collegiate and professional football (as institutions that destroy bodies and offer up children at the feet of its alter as a pillar of American culture)--

I. L o a t h e. Football.

But.

F.D. Signifier could get me to watch an entire hour-plus essay on why I should at least give a passing care. AND HE DID IT. I might think "F*ck the Police," the two-parter on Black conservatism, or his essay on Black men's connection to anime might be "better" videos, but this writer did the impossible and held my limited attention span towards football long enough to make a sincere case for NFL players--and reminds us that millionaires can *in fact* be workers. That alone is testament to his skill.

Sit down and watch "The REAL Reason NFL Running Backs Aren't Getting Paid." Any good anti-capitalist owes it to themselves.

CJ the X continuously puts out stunning, emotional videos, and can do it with the most seemingly-inconsequential starting points. A 30 second song? An incestuous commercial? Five minutes of Tangled? Sure, why not. Go destroy yourself emotionally by watching them. I'm serious. Do it.

Their video Stranger Things and the Meaning of Life manages to to remind us all why the way we react to media does, in fact, matter. Yes, even nostalgia-driven, mass-media schlock. Yes, how we interact with media matters, what it says about us matters, and we all deserve to seek out the whys.

Folding Ideas has spent the last few years articulating exactly why so much of our modern world feels broken, and because of that his voice continuously lives rent-free in my brain. While the tricks that scam artists and grifters use to try to swindle us are never new, the advancement of technology changes the aesthetics of their performances. Portions of Folding Ideas' explanations might seem dry when going into detail of how stocks work in This is Financial Advice, but every bit of it is necessary to peel back the layers of techno-babble and jargon and make sense of the results of "Meme Stocks."

Jessie Gender puts out nothing but bangers, her absolute unit of a video about Star Wars might be my new favorite thing ever, but none of her work hit so profoundly in 2023 than the two-parter "The Myth of 'Male Socialization'" and "The Trauma of Masculinity." There's so much about modern life that isolates and traumatizes us, and so much of it is just shrugged off as "normal." We owe it to ourselves to see the world in more vivid a color palette than we're initially given.

Panels drawn after Kate Beaton and "Ducks: Two Years in the Oil Sands."

"This is Not a Video Essay" is one of the most intense and beautiful pieces of art I've ever put into my eyeballs. Why do we create? What drives us to connect?

I don't even know what else to say about the Leftist Cooks' work, it repeatedly transcends the medium and platform. Watch every single one of their videos, but especially this one.

The likelihood you are terminally online and yet haven't heard of Hbomberguy's yearly forrays into destroying the careers of awful people is pretty slim. Just because it has millions of views doesn't mean that Hbomberguy's "Plagiarism and You(Tube)" isn't worth the hype. Too long? Shut up, it has chapters and YouTube holds your place, anyway. You think a deep dive into a handful of creators is only meaningless drama? Well, you're wrong, you wrong-opinion-haver. Plagiarism is an *everyone* problem because of the actual harm it creates--the history it erases, the labor it devalues, the art it marginalizes--which you would know if you watched "Plagiarism and You(Tube)".

Watch. The damn. Video.

In fact, watch all of them!

Thanks for reading this if you did.

#fanart #digital art #caricature #kate beaton #ducks #stranger things #apes #youtube #2023 #best of 2023 #video essay #hbomberguy #leftist cooks #cj the x #big joel #jessie gender #folding ideas #dan olson #jessie earl #neil and sarah #fd signifier #f.d. signifier #little joel #gojira #godzilla #philosophy tube #abigail thorn #caelan conrad #patricia taxxon #defunctland

[jals-stuff]

Hihi! First of all I LOVE your writing and thank you for feeding us hungry Orter fans with your work (I have been STRAVING for his fic) so if you don't mind, I have a little request! So I imagine in a what if Orter has a crush on someone (aka us and ofc we gotta like the sandman back) who's always on a dangerous mission due to how strong they are who is ALSO his partner time to time and one day, they just went into a coma from overusing their magic. MAYBE when they woke up, the two will confess to each other or?? Idk I will let you cook 🧑‍🍳

(Sorry if my wording is a little confusing!)

good day/evening anon! your wording is just fine no worries

first of all, thank you SO much, this brightened my day by a lot, you have absolutely no clue what kind of serotonin torrent you have unleashed. I am glad at least some people like my writings, that's why I'm doing it.

I don't think this is 100% close to what you described, but I hope you'll like it regardless-

Should be gn!reader if I didn't mess it up...

warnings: SLIGHT SPOILIES, bit dark, mentions of death, bit of despair... not proofread I am so sorry.

word count: 2.8k

note: I apologise for any dumb mistakes because I physically cannot proofread myself at 6am but if I don't post it now I won't do it ever. please don't hate me anon

What if...

As much as he hates to admit it (to himself, of course), Orter had grown a little bit too fond of you. The way you greet him whenever you come back from a mission, or the way you always make sure to respect the rules and act logically while also protecting everyone around you when the two of you would go on missions together. 

The way you whine when your legs are tired after walking long distances, the way you always bring him a little something to eat when you know it’s going to be a long trip. You’ve always been good to everyone, much opposed to the cold man; but it wasn’t the only difference between the two of you.

Everyone has their own logic and, as much as you respected your own, his was quite different. While you wanted to take every single possibility into consideration, he preferred not to overload his mind with useless statistics and just think of a solution when the time comes.

However, a lot of things aren’t affected by logic, such as feelings, and how could the dense sandman guess that you were absolutely enamoured with him? These were variables he would’ve never imagined, even though he was painfully into you as well. 

Of course, he was your top priority, and protecting him from harm even though he was a rather powerful mage was of the utmost importance. He should’ve known that when the two of you recklessly charged into enemy territory in an attempt to weaken the devil’s quintuplets before they would be on the move.

Orter was a man of many things, but “what if''s were not part of his usual reasoning, and that was the biggest mistake of his life. However he only realised it too late when you had to break your own limits to make sure he’d go back safely. It was time to retreat, but the two of you had been completely cornered. 

Having a dormant god inside of your wand had many benefits, but Psyche was not an entity to be trifled with. The Soul Goddess would, each time you requested even a fraction of her power, take a huge toll on your stamina and sanity, and this time it was more than critical.

You were already exhausted from using so much of your mana, and now you were completely surrounded by Innocent Zero's sons. Unleashing your Psyche Inclination and ordering all of the quintuplets to sleep immediately surpassed your own boundaries.

You knew what would happen if you pushed beyond your limits with your personal magic, but it was completely worth it. After all, what was the point of living anymore if the only person you loved was dead? 

All of them were immensely powerful, and neutralising such strong enemies was not a meagre task. As soon as the last one fell to the ground in blissful slumber, you felt something rupture inside of you; like a used rope that suddenly lets go, your breath hitched and you collapsed to the floor. 

It was all pitch black, and your consciousness kept you company just long enough to let you hear Orter’s panicked voice calling out for you. Yet somehow, despite the fact that you were falling into the pitch-black abyss, you felt relieved that he, above everything and everyone, was safe.

But anything beyond the confines of your darkened mind was unknown to you and despite your multiple attempts to open your eyes and wake up, everything went silent.

“No, no no…”

Had you been awake, you would’ve been astonished at how Orter had never been that distressed before, at least not in front of you. The loss of his dear friend Alex Elliot had taught him a painful lesson not to get attached to anyone and to simply stick to the rules, but he had let himself fall for you, and now he was experiencing the trauma once more.

“Please, no… not them…” 

Not only were you unconscious, you had done this to yourself for his sake. He was aware of that fact; had you not decided to literally put yourself through such an ordeal, the two of you would be dead already.

But unlike his deceased junior, your heart was still beating and there was still time to save you. He had never run so fast in his entire life, carrying you carefully in his arms to bring you back to the Bureau’s infirmary, laying you down as gently as he could as the nurses rushed to assess your state.

You weren’t hurt, so to say, but the abusive usage of your personal magic had plunged you into a coma, and it was unsure if you would ever wake up from it. 

It looked like you were peacefully asleep, maybe dreaming of a better place you would possibly join soon; unmoving and slowly breathing, as if nothing had happened. Orter knew you could possibly open your eyes anytime, and it kept him distracted every time he would fill his paperwork or go on a mission.

Whenever he had free time, he would rush to the infirmary to check on you, make sure you’re still breathing, or even talk to you. It could help you come back to your senses, or so the nurses said, and as ridiculous as he felt when he talked to your inert body, he would’ve done anything in his power to bring you back, as slim as the chances were.

But then it suddenly hit him. What could he possibly tell you if you ever woke up? He would for sure apologise, but other than that? How could he face you after you had quite literally sacrificed yourself for him? He wasn’t even sure he could look into your eyes again.

Did you resent him for this?

Would you forgive his recklessness?

Would you give him this warm smile he had gotten so used to?

And would it be time for him to finally admit his feelings? You were right here, in front of him, yet you weren’t there. He missed you so dearly, the sound of your voice, the shit eating grin you’d give him whenever he was wrong and you were right, the way you’d laugh at his disgruntled expression afterwards…

All of these interactions he thought annoyed him were now severely missed and he would’ve given anything to even just see the colour of your eyes one more time. 

And see he didn’t, for what seemed to be an eternity. Everyday, when he’d come to visit you, a small part of him hoped your eyes would be open and you’d greet him the way you always did, but every time, he was met with your inanimate form, comfortably laid in the infirmary bed. 

His hope of hearing your voice ever again gradually vanished with every one-sided conversation he had with your unconscious figure, swallowing down his emotions with every word he said. He was slowly accepting the fact that you might just never open your eyes again.

The more this thought settled into his mind, the more desperate he grew, and suddenly, his usual mindset faded away and his brain filled with “what if”s. 

What if he had taken some time to listen to your suggestions, what if he had thought of a plan B like you always had? What if he had ever told you about his feelings, what if you loved him back? What if you didn't? What if you never woke up?

Dread took over on his other emotions and suddenly, it wasn’t hope that drove him to visit you everyday; it was despair. What if you never opened your eyes again? How could he ever live with your presence replaced by this horrifying feeling of guilt for letting you die in his place? 

You were surely powerful enough that you could’ve ran away on your own, and left him behind if needed; it would’ve been the logical, reasonable thing to do. But the heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of. Of course, he should’ve known that you would never leave him behind, but precisely because it was completely illogical, it never occurred to him that you would willingly let yourself be hurt if he had a chance to make it out alive.

Now he was sitting at your bedside and kept hoping you’d wake up, just open your eyes and talk to him, greet him and say everything was going to be fine, just the way it was before… it seemed like he hadn’t heard your voice in an eternity, and it was weighing on him the whole time. Like a burden he would have to carry forever if you didn’t wake up from this coma you had put yourself into for his own sake.

His eyes never left your figure as he spoke to you kindly, as if you were still awake. Of course, occasional visitors would look at him like he was a lunatic, talking to someone who was obviously not here to answer, but it didn’t matter to him anymore.

Orter was ready to abandon his image for your sake, sometimes even skipping work and breaking his own principles so he could hold your hand for another minute before going on yet another perilous mission. 

The thought of you dying peacefully in your sleep haunted his mind every single day, and his sorrow was great enough that, more than once, he did consider exhausting himself enough so he would be defenceless enough for an enemy to just take him out of his misery.

For weeks, months, his mind was plagued with the thought of you leaving him forever, of not being able to tell you about these feelings he thought were completely unnecessary. Shame and rejection didn’t even matter to him anymore and he just longed for the day you’d wake up and even just look at him. 

He was on a mission, the day he heard that one of your fingers had merely twitched. Breaking protocol was far from his usual behaviour, but he needed to see you. That is how he accidentally drowned an entire area in sand, catching both enemies and harmless monsters in his Antlion’s Nest. 

The rules didn’t matter to him anymore, it was a physical need to see if you were okay and to maybe, just maybe hear your voice. 

However, he walked in on something completely different. Many of the other Divine Visionaries were gathered around you in religious silence, observing you. He had to push through the crowd and his heart stopped for a second when he saw you. 

You were sitting up in your bed, slightly confused as to why everyone was staring like this. For you, mere seconds had passed but in reality it had been literal months. As your eyes travelled amongst the crowd, you saw Orter, who was also staring at you in utter disbelief. 

The infirmary was completely silent, and no one was moving, as if time had suddenly stopped. Ryoh threw a glance at the others and they just silently left. Now it was just you and Orter, looking at each other in both confusion and shock. He stumbled towards the chair that was resting near your bed and he slowly took a seat.

“Well… you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Upon hearing your voice, he let out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding. It was like all of his burdens were suddenly lifted off his shoulders and his head and arms simply collapsed against the mattress, much to your confusion. You raised your hand to reach for his hair and upon seeing how your nails had grown so much, you realised something probably happened.

“It’s been months! I thought you’d never wake up! I thought I wouldn’t hear your voice ever again. Why on Earth would you do such a thing? No, no... it was all my fault. I'm sorry, (Y/N), I'm so, so sorry.” 

He sounded angry, but he really wasn’t. You started connecting the dots and it took you a bit of time to understand that you had been unconscious for the past few months, worrying the poor sandman to death, though right now it didn’t matter at all. 

“I’m glad you’re alive, Orter.”

Although you had been unconscious for literal months, seeing the Desert Cane unharmed was such a huge relief for you. However, not everything was swell inside his mind. He still felt extremely guilty that you nearly died for him, and nothing could possibly pay back this humongous debt he thought he owed you. 

But seeing his relieved expression when he looked at you was enough of a payback. He had watched you wither away for months and now you were finally back to the world of the living, eyes focused on him and him only. 

You tried to stand up but as soon as your arms attempted to lift your form, they gave out and you started losing balance. Orter immediately stood up from his chair to catch you, wrapping his arms around your now weak body to support you, but even after you were back to your spot, he wouldn’t let go. He simply sat on your bed next to you, not letting go. 

Almost out of instinct, you rested your head on his shoulder and let out a long sigh, your arms raising up slightly.

“Please, just rest, you must be really exhausted.”

But his words just didn’t reach you, you needed this. After a while and a lot of effort, you managed to rest these weak arms of yours against his shoulders, on the sides of his neck, and he fell silent. You had no strength at all but he could feel you use all of your willpower to embrace him, and you also seemed like you wouldn’t let go.

He seemed fine with it as he slightly nuzzled your neck and closed his eyes, finally relaxing a little after this emotional rollercoaster. It felt so comfortable to finally be in his arms after such a long time spent longing for him, as if you were finally where you belonged. 

“I missed you.” Orter said quietly, close to your ear. His arms tightened around and you would've probably cried hadn't you been so exhausted. Your words were stuck in your throat and you could only nod and hum softly, your voice cutting inside your throat. 

His arms tightened around you further, holding you into a comforting hug, one of his hands gently going through your hair and keeping your head close to him. You exhaled again, wanting nothing more than to keep holding him. 

“Just don't let go. Please.”

Your voice was muffled by his embrace but you were close enough to his ear for him to understand your words, and you could've sworn you heard his breath hitch for a second as his arms tightened even harder around you.

“I won't.” He sighs into your neck, comfortably seated on the side of your bed, and you wanted nothing more than to lay back down and have him hold you, but you were still in the infirmary and it would've been very problematic to be seen like this.

“I won't, ever. I can't.” He held you even closer now, like he was trying to merge with you, your chest and his pressed against each other as if to share your heartbeats.

Although you had never seen Orter being this close with anyone before, it all felt very natural. Just like the way his hand slid from your hair to your cheek, like the way he moved away from you slowly, his usually cold gaze now soft and filled with something you weren't quite used to.

Just like the way he couldn't take it any longer and gave in to the physical urge to softly press his lips to yours. You didn't pull away, of course; the moment too precious to let surprise ruin it. 

You returned the kiss, your eyes now closed to take in the pleasant, wholesome warmth his embrace brought to you, after you'd been so cold for literal months. 

As nothing lasts forever, your lips and his slowly separated, but his eyes were now on yours again. 

“I won't let you fall again, (Y/N), I promise.”

You couldn't help but give a soft chuckle and his expression turned slightly puzzled. Of course, you two didn't share the same braincells.

“I've already fallen too hard.” You breathed out.

His eyes widened for a second before he regained his composure and brushed a few hairs away from your face to place them behind your ear.

“Then I guess we’re both down now.” he finally admitted, his expression just a little softer and his lips almost curved into a smile. 

You were suddenly thankful for Orter holding you so close, lest your heart would've jumped out of your chest. 

“I love you, just… in case it wasn't clear enough.” He awkwardly added, and you thought it was just adorable. Another chuckle escaped you with a nod.

“I know. I love you too.”

He hummed softly and sighed deeply in relief. 

That was one “what if” finally satisfied, and probably the first of a long list.

#mashle x reader #orter madl #orter mádl #mashle #mashle magic and muscles #orter mádl x reader #orter madl x you #orter x reader #mashle orter #orter madl x reader

[enterplanetdust]

25

i think of school shooters the same way that id think of a spoiled child being told "no" to having their third serving of ice cream for the day it's like they figure out that life isn't fair (which literally everyone else figured out at birth + mental illnesses) in spite of their many privileges and then they fucking lose it

and as much as i think back to eric harris and how i feel bad for him on occasion, for him and dylan to grasp at straws for reasons to hate others (which is not to undermine the bullying and torment they received) is insane to me (like him getting pissed about girls not calling him back or dylan slapping his coworker because she told him off about something).

all of this and their childishness in spite of the fact that they were literally planning a massive terrorist attack (which isn't so childish) is essentially prominent in how they mention that the shooting is their fault entirely. did they just think that bbecause you say something that it automatically becomes true? i mean, e&d were going to kill themselves and it ain't possible to bring a dead person to court, so of course they'd arrest mark manes and philip duran and bring robyn to court

i just don't think eric and dylan really understood the consequences of their actions because they were so caught up in this retarded escapist fantasy where they were the heroes in tarantino films (and teenagers). i think the concept of this just makes me sad in general, since the way they behaved during and leading up to the shooting was an obvious way for them to feel powerful and in control, which had been stripped from them by that very school.

i also don't mean to undermine the horrid environment at columbine and the obvious favoritism that plagued the student body and staff. harris and klebold were incredibly mentally ill, which when is combined with a toxic environment in which you spend your developmental years and a mutually hate-filled friendship, results in tragedy.

it also hurts my heart to read anecdotes about the victims, eric and dylan included, from those who loved them. hearing about how cassie bernall struggled with suicidality, thoughts of killing her parents, and briefly experimenting with the goth subculture made me wonder if eric or dylan ever considered that others felt the same pain and troubles that they did. hearing about how devon adams had to decide on which friend's funeral to attend, one murdering the other and many more, reading about an interaction brooks had with rachel while they were smoking wherein they discussed their religious affiliations respectfully, learning about how daniel mauser would attend anti-gun protests, devon sharing how dylan saved one of rachels interpretive dances by fixing the tape, etc make me think of how intertwined littleton is (especially columbine kids) and the domino effect that it's had on the world.

so many shooters have cited e&d as inspirations, people have replicated wrath and natural selection shirts, written fics about them, plays, films, etcetera. there's online communities dedicated to colimbine, sometimes as part of a larger true crime community, where people discuss and learn about it. i myself began research approx. 2 years ago and have since developed a special interest regarding columbine. deaths, other than ones because of copycat shooters/killers such as sol pais are linked to columbine. it's had such an imnense effect on the world that cannot be understated solely because of its magnitude.

columbine was so senseless and i hate that 14 children and a beloved teacher died so that e&d could "even the score." i hope, in their final moments, that eric and dylan felt ashamed and embarrassed of what they did, the world, music, movies, their hobbies and interests they discarded, the people they left behind who've been left to pcik up the pieces of their destruction

#columbine 1999 #tcc #eric harris #dylan klebold #yap session

[even-disco-baby]

(No caps version below asterisks)

YOU — Are you still afraid?

SHIVERS — YES. BUT I AM ALSO HOPEFUL.

IN TWENTY TWO YEARS, I MAY BE NOTHING BUT A HOLE FOR ALL THE WORLD TO FALL INTO. OR I MAY BE GREATER THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN. OR PERHAPS… PERHAPS I WILL BE SOMETHING I HAVE NEVER BEEN BEFORE.

Is there really anything new to be? It feels like history can only ever repeat itself.

Twenty two years isn’t much time to become anything.

I hope that we’ll be a new animal.

I hope that it will all be over.

Uncertainty is frightening…

SHIVERS — YES… BUT IT IS ALSO SALVATION.

I AM HERE. YOU ARE HERE. THE FUTURE HAS YET TO ARRIVE. THERE IS ONLY US.

I HAVE SEEN IN YOUR HEART A THOUSAND WAYS TO MEET OUR END. BUT I HAVE SEEN JUST AS MANY WAYS TO CARRY ON.

YOU — Why do you care to see what’s in my heart? Why me?

SHIVERS — I AM YOUR HEART. AND YOU ARE MINE.

I HAVE LOVED YOU SINCE THE DAY YOU WERE BORN. YOU DREW YOUR FIRST BREATH IN A WAR HOSPITAL AS SO MANY AROUND YOU DREW THEIR LAST. YOU AND I WERE BOTH SO FRAGILE. WE WERE SICK AND DYING. I HELD YOU IN MY LUMINOUS ARMS AND WAITED FOR THE END. AND THEN…

YOU — And then?

SHIVERS — WE BOTH SURVIVED. IRREPRESSIBLE, MIRACULOUS.

YOU HEAR ME. I SEE YOU. WE ARE KEEPING ONE ANOTHER ON THIS EARTH. THAT IS WHAT MAKES US WHAT WE ARE. THAT IS ALL THERE IS TO THIS, TO ANYTHING. WE CANNOT LOOK AWAY FROM ONE ANOTHER. WE MUST NOT. WE MUST SEE. WE MUST LISTEN.

I’m listening. I will stay vigilant. I will keep you here with me.

No. You are the reason I don’t want to be on this earth any longer.

SHIVERS — OH… PLEASE, DO NOT SAY THAT. I COULD NOT BEAR TO LOSE YOU.

YOU — That’s not what your people say. They think I should just hurry up and die.

SHIVERS — THEY ARE WRONG. YOU ARE MY HEART. I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU.

YOU — Don’t lie. Every day, you beat me within an inch of my life.

SHIVERS — …

…I KNOW. I AM SORRY. NOT ALL OF MY ARMS ARE GENTLE. MANY OF THEM THRASH WILDLY. AND SOME… SOME TEAR ME OPEN. THEY GRASP AT MY HEART, SEEKING TO REND IT APART. I CANNOT HELP BUT HURT MYSELF, OVER AND OVER AND OVER. I DESPISE WHAT I AM.

BUT I WANT TO CHANGE. I WANT TO BE CHANGED. PLEASE, IF EVER YOU HAVE LOVED ME, DO NOT ABANDON ME TO DIE. GIVE ME A NEW NAME. AN UNDISCOVERED PHYLUM. MAKE ME INTO A SOFTER ANIMAL.

Don’t worry. We will change together.

I don’t know that any of us can ever truly change.

SHIVERS — BUT… WE MUST TRY, ALL THE SAME…

OR WE WILL DIE. SWALLOWED BY A REFLEX, NEITHER MALICIOUS NOR JUST. THERE IS NO MEANING IN IT. NO WORLD AFTER THE PALE. SURRENDER WILL NOT SAVE US.

YOU — But it would end our suffering.

SHIVERS — …

HAVE I… TRULY BEATEN ALL OF THE LOVE OUT OF YOU? IS THERE NOTHING GOOD IN ME LEFT?

REACTION SPEED — An answer rises to your tongue before you even have a chance to think.

PAIN THRESHOLD — *No.* I’m not down yet.

LOGIC — There is still something keeping you here, or else you would not *be* here. It is as simple as that.

VOLITION — You have loved her and hated her just as you hate and love yourself. And even in your lowest moments, you could not bring yourself to abandon this world. At the last moment, you always found a way back— clawed your way to shore, wiped the slate clean. You wrapped your arms around yourself and cried, and the city cried with you.

You cannot bring yourself to abandon her. She is too much like you.

*****

YOU — Are you still afraid?

SHIVERS — Yes. But I am also hopeful.

In twenty two years, I may be nothing but a hole for all the world to fall into. Or I may be greater than I have ever been. Or perhaps… perhaps I will be something I have never been before.

Is there really anything new to be? It feels like history can only ever repeat itself.

Twenty two years isn’t much time to become anything.

I hope that we’ll be a new animal.

I hope that it will all be over.

Uncertainty is frightening…

SHIVERS — Yes… But it is also salvation.

I am here. You are here. The future has yet to arrive. There is only us.

I have seen in your heart a thousand ways to meet our end. But I have seen just as many ways to carry on.

YOU — Why do you care to see what’s in my heart? Why me?

SHIVERS — I am your heart. And you are mine.

I have loved you since the day you were born. You drew your first breath in a way hospital as so many around you drew their last. You and I were both so fragile. We were sick and dying. I held you in my luminous arms and waited for the end. And then…

YOU — And then?

SHIVERS — We both survived. Irrepressible, miraculous.

You hear me. I see you. We are keeping one another on this earth. That is what makes us what we are. That is all there is to this, to anything. We cannot look away from one another. We must not. We must see. We must listen.

I’m listening. I will stay vigilant. I will keep you here with me.

No. You are the reason I don’t want to be on this earth any longer.

SHIVERS — Oh… please, do not say that. I could not bear to lose you.

YOU — That’s not what your people say. They think I should just hurry up and die.

SHIVERS — They are wrong. You are my heart. I cannot live without you.

YOU — Don’t lie. Every day, you beat me within an inch of my life.

SHIVERS — …

…I know. I am sorry. Not all of my arms are gentle. Many of them thrash wildly. And some… some tear me open. They grasp at my heart, seeking to rend it apart. I cannot help but hurt myself, over and over and over. I despise what I am.

But I want to change. I want to be changed. Please, if ever you have loved me, do not abandon me to die. Give me a new name. An undiscovered phylum. Make me into a softer animal.

Don’t worry. We will change together.

I don’t know that any of us can ever truly change.

SHIVERS — But… we must try, all the same…

Or we will die. Swallowed by a reflex, neither malicious nor just. There is no meaning in it. No world after the Pale. Surrender will not save us.

YOU — But it would end our suffering.

SHIVERS — …

Have I… truly beaten all of the love out of you? Is there nothing good in me left?

REACTION SPEED — An answer rises to your tongue before you even have a chance to think.

PAIN THRESHOLD — *No.* I’m not down yet.

LOGIC — There is still something keeping you here, or else you would not *be* here. It is as simple as that.

VOLITION — You have loved her and hated her just as you hate and love yourself. And even in your lowest moments, you could not bring yourself to abandon this world. At the last moment, you always found a way back— clawed your way to shore, wiped the slate clean. You wrapped your arms around yourself and cried, and the city cried with you.

You cannot bring yourself to abandon her. She is too much like you.

#disco elysium #harry du bois #shivers #la revacholiere #suicide tw #don’t rlly have thoughtful tags to add to this one #just. stuff that’s been on my mind #anyway. sometimes love is just trying your best to keep you and ppl you care about on this earth…

[feminismisstillahatemovement]

Here we go again. Another institution, brimming with self-righteous faux outrage, is trying to airbrush JK Rowling’s name out of history. This time it’s the turn of the Museum of Pop Culture (MoPOP) in Seattle, Washington, which has removed the world-famous author’s name from its Harry Potter exhibition. Last week, the museum announced that while it will continue to display memorabilia from the Harry Potter books and films, it wants no association with their supposedly problematic creator.

Explaining the decision in a 1,400-word blog, the museum’s exhibitions project manager, Chris Moore, brands Rowling a ‘cold, heartless, joy-sucking entity’. Moore, who identifies as trans and uses ‘he / them’ pronouns, takes exception to Rowling’s ongoing interest in preserving women’s hard-won rights over the ‘right of anyone who insists they are who they say they are’. Once again, Rowling’s reasonable and rational defence of women’s sex-based rights is being presented disingenuously as ‘hateful’ or ‘harmful’ towards transgender people, and therefore deserving of cancellation.

Moore even seems to think it would be better if Rowling had never existed. ‘We would love to go with the internet’s theory that these books were actually written without an author’, he writes, ‘but this certain person is a bit too vocal with her super hateful and divisive views to be ignored’.

Strikingly, Moore goes a few steps further than most of Rowling’s critics. He doesn’t just accuse her of transphobia. He also accuses the Harry Potter books of peddling ‘racial stereotypes’, promoting ‘fat shaming’ and, perhaps most heinous of all, lacking ‘LGBTQIA+ representation’. Surely to goodness there must have been a few pansexual / nonbinary students in the imaginary, magical school of Hogwarts? Shame on JKR for not giving them a voice, eh? The headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, might have been gay, but apparently that’s not enough in our world of 764 genders.

I find myself torn about this particular non-event, to be perfectly honest. On the one hand, I realise this is simply the latest in a long line of attempts to shut Rowling up. ‘I saw Goody Rowling, in the barn, consorting with the devil!’ is the tone of every such outburst. By now, these tricks have become cheap and obvious to anyone observing closely. The smears are always baseless.

On the other hand, the attempts to erase Rowling are deadly serious. Each attempted takedown inevitably leads to her receiving the vilest, cruellest abuse. Abuse which, if you’ve ever taken the time to read it, contains some of the most horrific things one human could say to or about another. Rowling is no doubt a tower of strength and resilience, having been on the receiving end of this bile for years. But it’s probably still having an effect on her, deep down.

Perhaps there is an upside to this stunt by Moore and the MoPOP, however. Removing Rowling’s name from the museum, and condemning her as ‘super hateful’, is so infantile that most right-thinking people will likely see it for the foolishness it really is. Sunlight, on occasions such as these, has a remarkable effect of highlighting the absurd and often cruel behaviour of the gender ideologues. People are getting wise to these smear tactics now that they are so regularly churned out. The problem is it is difficult to get people to speak out against them.

Sadly, most people are still too scared to speak up. This shouldn’t surprise us when the extremist factions of the trans movement use threats of rape, violence and torture to bring people into line. They doxx people’s addresses and workplaces, so the heretics can be hunted down and vilified, resulting in the loss of earnings, jobs, reputations and more. There are countless examples of this. And no doubt there will be many more to come.

Faced with this, we cannot simply stand by and shrug. We have to stand up to the smears. The truth is that Rowling has never said anything untoward about trans people. She has been critical of the behaviour of some trans fanatics. She has been vocal in her support for single-sex spaces for women and girls. And yes, she has vociferously defended herself against hourly abuse. As she damn well has a right to do. But she is not the bigot she has been made out to be.

It’s time we all speak up for what is right. It’s time to break the cycle of fear. It’s time we called out this public assault on JK Rowling – and on all the other gender-critical feminists who’ve been similarly maligned. We need to put a stop to this authoritarian movement.

----------------------------

James Dreyfus is an actor who has starred in Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Absolutely Fabulous and The Thin Blue Line.

#jk rowling #witch hunts

[utilitycaster]

Something the latest Candela episode and panel sort of helped me put into place is one of my frustrations with how Imogen is being played - overall I really like her, especially the exploration of what someone with (at least until recently) unwanted psychic powers might actually look like, but...for lack of a better way to put it, of all of Laura's characters, I feel like she is the most in need of going loud but isn't quite there. Based on Arlo this past episode, I know Laura can do it, and so while I know that episode was probably filmed some time ago, and that the different game systems and story lengths are almost certainly a factor, I really hope this carries over into how she plays Imogen.

Laura's long been one of my favorite performers at the table. I think my one criticism of her, however, would be that she tends to be very failure averse - which is extremely valid and common in D&D players and I can't say I don't feel the same way some time. And, for what it's worth, I think it worked well for Vex and Jester as part of their characterization. Vex is also always trying to angle for an advantage and work in a system that's fucked her over; a core trait is her fear of showing vulnerability, and so of course she won't let herself fail or look stupid. And Jester I think let Laura play someone who was at times disappointed or frustrated (RIP her many Inflict Wounds attempts) but who could also see beauty in the chaos that failed rolls often cause and who did take wild swings.

With Imogen, however, because she's so central to this story and because she is often portrayed as headstrong, impatient, and not always sensitive to the needs of others, I find myself wondering why she's not taking those shots. Even something as small as the most recent episode - not shooting through the hammer - makes me go "why not?" Like, I understand it mechanically, and perhaps (as with all these criticisms) there's something there in the backstory I'm not aware of, but why wouldn't Imogen do this? For what it's worth, and I cannot believe I'm saying this given how much I hated that tweet in the time and still do not care for the methodology, it made perfect sense to me in the moment that Imogen would do everything she could not to give in to her powers with Otohan was encouraging her to do so - a character built around the concept of this control against her powers absolutely would hold out - but it does feel like she should have learned something from it. And especially now with the circlet, with an undercurrent that she is starting to loosen that control, those little things - especially being too careful in combat, or indecision about the Vanguard (though that's been improving) are feeling incongruent.

Arlo this past Candela episode was fantastic. The only reason she didn't run away with the show entirely was how much others brought to the table, and I get this might be because it was the final episode of a series, in a system that is designed to bring failure to the forefront, but she went hard, nearly to the point of sacrificing herself, and it paid off in the story. And Laura recognized this very much in the panel, and I love what she said about it. I would love to see that level of intensity for Imogen, because, to be honest, for her specifically, the stakes are Candela-level high in Campaign 3.

#meta in both senses of the word huh #critical role spoilers #candela obscura spoilers #cr tag #imogen temult

[bosskie]

Family Drama

I felt like drawing something silly to amuse myself since I have been feeling quite awful lately... So, I got inspired by one of those unreleased Slig news related to Molluck's trial, having Molluck and his mother, Lady Margaret, about to have a face off with boxing gloves.

Frankly, it has bothered me how badly I did draw her last time, at least in my opinion, so I liked to try it again too. Still not sure how her head should be drawn but I'm trying my best.

I really don't know if I should write this stuff or not... But well, I tend to spend like all my time alone with my thoughts... I have just been thinking that how difficult for me it is to see me having any skill/talent... How difficult for me is to feel like I 'deserve' any love... During my worst moments I can wish that everyone hated me so I was perished, erased from this world... But at the same time, one side of me wishes to be loved... It just made me cry when I looked at my newest self-insert sketch a moment ago, how loving Molluck seemed... I'm just only able to give love to myself thru him...

It's still just so difficult to see myself having future... I feel like I have already failed in life way too badly... I just keep having doubts, feel like no one probably wants me, to be with me, pay for my work etc... Even when it's said that I did great job, I just doubt it... It's driving me crazy... I just cannot even enjoy my 'achievements' when I feel like they were just luck or mere 'lucky mistakes'... I just don't believe in myself.

I'm not even sure if I'm healing well enough or at all actually when giving up has felt more tempting now... I just see no reasons to fight anymore, life makes zero sense to me... In my mind, I still see Molluck looking at me and telling me beautiful things, loving me... I don't know if I'm just crazy/nuts, to keep living just for a fictional character, when my mind just tells me so intensely to leave the real people, how I'm just wasting their time, resources, even love... Molluck ain't real, so I cannot really waste his time 'n' stuff, and that's why my mind accepts him better than real people.

I just live with mental pain every day, for some other reasons too I'm not telling. It's draining me, been living with it for over a decade... Back then, I thought that I wouldn't be even alive to this day but here I am, for whatever reason. I just don't know how to achieve happiness, haven't felt such a thing for so long, haven't been able to enjoy my life this whole time... My life is good, I have basically gotten all I have wanted but still, I feel so depressed, thinking that I don't deserve this all, that it would be better for everyone that I never even existed or that someone else was born instead of me... I'm just unable to see how I bring joy to the others, unable to feel loved... I never remember feeling such a thing, even as a child, even I have gotten so much love... It just makes me feel like there is something wrong with me, that I'm broken, too broken... I only know that I'm loved but why I cannot feel it... I only remember a few moments when I have been able to feel such a thing, or at least one, but it was me feeling like how Molluck loves me...

Man, why must my mind be like this... Well, I keep watching the show of my life... At least I have found some happiness when I found Molluck since he is the character I have been looking for all these years, he is the one that feels like the right one. Though, yes, it does also depress me that he is just fictional but well, technology can help me! Gotta just get rich so that I can only just be and live in my virtual world... Yeah, that's the only way to 'live' with him... Man, I don't know what I'm doing with my life, so I'm just wasting it on Molluck... I just don't really feel like doing anything with my life, so yeah, Molluck is fine.

Yeah, this Gluk just means so much to me... I have already heard so many times that I'm odd, so gotta just embrace the odd!

#oddworld molluck #molluck the glukkon #molluck #oddworld #art like a bosskie

[bharatiya-naari-sab-pe-bhaari]

Hate him as much as you like.

No one has the higher moral ground in fandoms. They are fictional characters created for creating an illusion of simple pleasures.

So hate Snape as desperately as you want and as deeply as you desire.

But please, hate him for hatred's sake and nothing else.

Hate him because he is the anti hero.

Hate him because he is unpleasant.

Hate him because he is a pariah.

Hate him because he cannot fit in anywhere.

Hate him because he is not conventionally good looking.

Hate him because he is unpopular and strange.

Hate him because he cannot laugh or be cheerful or genuinely happy.

Hate him because he doesn't like children.

Hate him because he is biased towards the Slytherins and against the Gryffindors.

Hate him because he did not care as much for Harry's happiness as he did for his safety.

Hate him because ultimately he could not prioritize Harry's life over the entire wizarding world.

Hate him because he couldn't save Sirius or Lupin or Charity or Lily or James.

Hate him because he was ambitious and he didn't let his morals stand in the way of gaining recognition even if it pushed him over to the dark side.

Hate him because he refused to lay down in front of his bullies and accept defeat meekly.

Hate him because he let his anger and hurt get better of him while he was being publicly humiliated and assaulted.

Hate him because he couldn't let go of his trauma and his pain and shame and let it manifest into a life long grudge.

Hate him because he is morally ambiguous.

Hate him for the mistakes he made.

Hate him for the ones he couldn't atone for.

Hate him because he prefers isolation and seems pathologically allergic to human company.

Hate him because he is rude and stern and grouchy and mean and sarcastic and cynical and venomous and spiteful and bitter.

But for God's sake do not hate him because he loved too much or for too long. In this era of where despising someone is far more easy and prevalent then liking someone do not reason your hatred of anyone, real or fictional because the said man or woman had loved and lost. Maybe the love was romantic, platonic, filial, asexual, a-romantic, attractive, infatuat-ive, requited, unrequited, fleeting, intense, deep, yearning etc etc. It doesn't matter. What matter is that the character had loved someone, once upon a time, or maybe they still love that person.

Do not disparage the emotion, desecrate the feeling, defile the concept.

The man had just loved his long dead, estranged childhood friend deep enough or desperately enough to try to make up even to her memory. It matters in the least who she married, whether she will forgive him or not, whether she deserved his devotion or not, whether he is worthy of her or not... so on and so forth.

It really doesn't matter.

Why can't we just appreciate the beauty of living beings and their respective emotions?

Why can't we just accept and celebrate the fact that like fictional characters such as Snape, actual people may develop a devotion, a yearning, a feeling so strong in real life which has the power to bring in such a tidal wave of change for the better in so many people's destinies?

Why do we waste time in demeaning every thing.. even love?

Why fight over Snape or Lily or the Marauders, who was right, who was better, who was wrong, who was worthy?

Each and every one of them has loved even once in their life? So what if any of it was unrequited, romantic or not. It seems extremely distasteful to hate someone because they loved.

So all I say, hate anyone you like, Snape or the marauders, just may be try not to despise them for loving anyone. There are a thousand other reasons one can find to detest any of them.

I can't point fingers when I myself have done it no less times. I don't know what came over me. This social media is a very toxic platform; I am slowly coming to understand.

Maybe I should get out of this place before my brain gets too mucked up.

#severus snape #harry potter fandom #snape fandom #pro severus snape #prosnape #harry potter #love and hate #anti marauder stans #not quite anti marauders #anti snaters #anti haters #rant post #ramblings

[foibles-fables]

tag game (Horizon)

stolen from @hellcheercaine!!! Thanks for the excuse to put off starting work for another few minutes.

1.ride or die ship (your otp): Aloy/Talanah. my rotten soldiers my sweet cheeses my good-time gals

2. most annoying ship: nah you know I don't play that game <3

3. second favourite ship: Aloy/Yarra

4. favourite platonic relationship: Aloy and Erend, Talanah and Milu, Aloy and Sylens

5. underrated ship: gonna say Aloy/Yarra here too. Also Fashav/Kotallo, Beta/Milu, Alva/Seyka (thoughts of an angsty Loyalist!Federa fic won't leave my brain ALONE)

6. overrated ship: see question 2 bls

7. one thing i would change in canon: Oh man. There are...many things, lmao. The clear and obvious one is having Talanah join the base (as we now know was the original intention [rolling_in_the_deep.mp3]). But since that one is a given--completely toss the Zeniths out of HFW. Ground the narrative conflict in gathering the subfunctions, the collapsing biosphere, and Regalla's rebellion instead. Bring GAIA back only at the very end. Save the Zeniths for the major H3 antagonist instead, negating the need for Nemesis as the Bigger Fish. How absolutely baller would it have been if the Beta reveal came as a post-credits stinger instead? (Gerard's voice: "Are you ready to finally make yourself useful, Beta?" and then a camera pan over the face of a Sobeck clone, GOD)

8. something canon did right: The entirety of "Deep Secrets of the Earth" in HZD was a masterclass in storytelling. Every part of exploring PZD HQ was remarkable. The datapoints, the juxtaposition of "The Bad News" with "The Good News," the latter of which as the culminating reveal of the mystery that's been building throughout the entire narrative--it's pretty much perfection.

9. a thing i'm proud of creating for the fandom PLEASE BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF I WANT TO SEE/READ YOUR ART: may I present to y'all my AO3 trashpile

10. a character who is perfect to me (wouldn't change a thing): ALVA. My personal shining star amongst the HFW companions. I'm also contractually obligated to say Talanah here, even if I want to shake her by the shoulders sometimes (affectionate)

11. the character i relate to the most and why: This is a tough one. I see pieces of myself in a number of the characters, but I'm not sure if there's one that I'm like, yes, that is ME. I could prrooobably say Alva again? But it's not a definitely one-to-one.

12. character(-s) i hate the most and why: All the homies hate Ted Faro, that's for sure. But that's low-hanging fruit. So I'll give Amadis as well, though not for the seemingly-obvious reason--I cannot stand the sole purpose for which he was written, from the comic all the way through his weird unsatisfying ending in HFW. He's a repeated character with a repeated conflict that was already handled much more compellingly through Nil and is rendered useless and storyless by the end of Need to Know. Bringing him back in H3 would be the sorest mistake the narrative could make aside from a sacrificial ending for Aloy. He's just unneeded character bloat in an already-admittedly-bloated cast.

13. something i've learned from the fandom: You will make some of your very best friends here. Everyone is creative and hilarious and so smart. We all connect to the Horizon universe in a different way, and sharing your enthusiasm with others is what just makes the world feel even richer than what you could have imagined.

14. three tags i seek out on ao3: I typically don't browse AO3 directly!

15. a song i strongly associate with my otp/favourite character: you're gonna make me pick ONE?? oh man, okay. so this changes by the day, and today I'll say Oceanator's "I Would Find You" is THEE Hawk and Thrush anthem.

tagging: since I stole this untagged, I challenge YOU to do the same! Choose your fandom and talk about it!

#tag games #horizon zero dawn #horizon forbidden west

[night--heart]

💔📝☯️💋 for the ask thing!

💋 : is there any ships out there you absolutely hate for genuinely no good reason at all. like its not problematic in the slightest, if anything it's one of the better ones, you just cannot bring yourself to enjoy it

any ship involving jayfeather or shadowsight honestly . . . in my head they will forever be aroace so whenever i see any ship art for either of them im just like . he would NOT be mates with them !! lol

as for specific ships, ive never been a fan of shadowsight and sunbeam or sunbeam and rootspring or leafpool and hawkfrost... to me with the sunbeam x shadow/root ships it just feels like people are shipping her with any tom she interacts with as a way to be like "look! this character would be a much better mate than nightheart!" and arent actually putting any thought into the ship outside of that. leafpool and hawkfrost just doesnt appeal 2 me though. im a mothpool truther <3 hehe

📝 : if commanded to, without warning, approximately how many paragraphs could you write about your favorite warrior cat before you ran out of things to say

i could write an entire essay on nightheart's character i think. probably 8 whole paragraphs until i start repeating myself haha

same goes for leafpool too as shes one of my other favs , i could probably write a whole essay about her as well :3

☯️ : what dynamic between two cats has got you up at night pacing for hours? (romantic, platonic, familial, etc)

the relationship between the three and squirrelflight/leafpool has always been interesting to me and god i wish it was explored more in canon... i feel like we never really get to see hollyleaf's true Road To Redemption and her coming to terms with everything and forgiving leafpool and squirrelflight until she dies. i really wish she wasnt killed off in the last hope btw that still makes me so mad grgargharhgar harghaarhgar hgarragh she could have been so cool and such a good character but rargh. rghrgrrrgh

honestly i love any dynamic between a cat and their parent bc thers so many rocky parent/kit relationships in wc and i love them all to death because i love projecting my own parental issues on to them . this also includes nightheart/sparkpelt and frostpaw/curlfeather and sunbeam/berryheart and the three/leafpool (and squirrelflight)... even rainflower/crookedstar and eventually crookedstar/silverstream, the ending of crookedstar's promise where he struggles to even spend time with silverkit after willowbreeze and minnowkit and willowkit's death is Heartbreaking, when he's still grieving and pushing away his one remaining kit who doesn't even know he's her father... gah. ghhra.a.rghgr hrg ahgr hahrhgh (positive) (i love relationships like this theyre so good)

💔 : have you ever lost friends over warriors related topics?

ill be real ive never actually had friends who like warrior cats. like i knew people in 5th grade who did but we never talked about the characters or discussed anything about the books we just roleplayed it during recess . . .

i do think that i probably turn a lot of Potential Friends away just because i dare to like a character that the majority of the fandom hates...which is unfortunate that the fandom has gotten to that point where liking/disliking a character will get you mass blocked by all the popular wc blogs but. oh well! at least i know im not alone in liking nightheart, there's at least a handful of nightheart fans out there <3

#every time i reblog an ask game about warrior cats i realize again for the 10000th time : i dont think about canon charcatesr that much lol #i mean i do but likeeee . i think im more invested in my own ocs and their dynamics and everything than canon wc #just bc canon wc doesnt really give us alot to work with . yknow? #my ocs are more interesting than canon wc characters. ill say it. ill scream it from the rooftops

[strangertheory]

but you can’t hate mike because he is straight like??? it’s not his fault if he doesn’t like will lol and will shouldn’t confess, it would break his heart even more. he should shut up.

I like narrative depth. Mike is a fictional character. Yes, I legitimately find Mike as a character to be less complex and therefore less interesting to me within the story being told if he's intended to be a straight character.

If Mike is straight, that would mean he's an entirely flat character without any subtextual narrative journey from the start of the show to the end of the show. If Mike is straight, his entire story from season 1 until season 5 is simply "nerdy kid falls for supernatural magic girlfriend" and he doesn't have any sort of character growth or journey of self-discovery and he is a static character. Or, arguably, he's not a static character, he's perhaps a character that gets worse and stops spending quality time with his closest friends while he becomes entirely consumed by his need to be needed and desired by a superhero with whom he has spent very limited quality time beyond making out all summer in season 3 and now a roller rink date during which the entire time his girlfriend was lying to him. (I completely sympathize with her insecurities and respect she didn't mean any harm with the lying, but I'm focused on pointing out the weaknesses in the dynamic between Mike and El, and the uncertainty of their trust in each other, and their struggling relationship right now and that whole scenario is so very telling.)

So yes, I find the "Mike is straight" interpretation of the story to be incredibly boring and mediocre and I prefer my alternative interpretation that: 1) Mike is closeted and struggling to share his feelings with those he loves 2) there's actually something unique going on between Will and El and their dynamic and parallels and something strange is going on and there's a reason that they have such eerily intertwined narratives, and I don't think we know what's going on in Will and El's dynamics with Mike quite yet because something unique is happening that hasn't been revealed yet.

Even if we are supposed to assume Mike and El spent more time doing meaningful things together outside of what we see on screen: why don't they give us those scenes? I hate stories that give you a couple without developing their dynamic and meaningful moments together on-screen. As a couple that you seem to believe is intended to be the one we're supposed to care about: El and Mike don't have very many scenes that show them spending quality time together. Why?

I don't mind straight characters and pairings. I mind poorly developed ones that don't have any established on-screen commonalities, shared interests, or history beyond kissing and overblown love declarations. I hate when storytellers offer you an allegedly romantic couple but don't actually spend time giving their relationship any on-screen depth and expect you to simply assume the depth is there when they haven't actually written any into their scenes together. (And no, I don't count long stares and yelling for each other and kissing as "depth.") I want to believe that the writers haven't taken the time to give much depth to Mike and El as a couple simply because it's not actually intended to be a long-term relationship dynamic for them.

I believe that the relationship between Mike and El does serve a purpose in the story and I do believe that Mike cares about El very much but I cannot bring myself to see Mike and El's alleged romance as especially deep or meaningful. It's mediocre in isolation from whatever they're planning on doing with it in conjunction with the rest of whatever is going on with Mike and El and Will. I think it matters, but not in the way you think it does.

I don't dislike the concept of straight-Mike because of him being straight. I dislike straight-Mike because that erases all of the potential complexity and power of queer-closeted-Mike's internal struggles and journey to understand how he feels about his friend Will and how he can tell the people he loves about who he is and his feelings when he does care about El and wants her to be happy.

I find straight-Mike to be an incredibly superficial, boring story.

I like stories with hidden layers.

It's really as simple as that.

#gay mike wheeler #queercoding #stranger things theories #byler #I don't like labeling characters but I used the gay mike wheeler tag cause it's used often #mike is lgbtqa #it's not about the label it's about them hqving feelings and being true to themselves and their journey

[yr-obedt-cicero]

“And Now my Dear as we are upon the subject of wife, I empower and command you to get me one in Carolina.” (AH, Apr. 1779)

Hamilton referred to marrying Laurens 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔

I disagree, personally. With full context of the letter, it is more of, in my interpretation at least, that Hamilton is asking Laurens to find him a wife to intentionally spite him and make him jealous. The South Carolina part is merely because that's where JL was at the time, but not that he specifically wanted a wife from South Carolina only, nor to allude to he wanted Laurens as his wife. Probably in petty revenge for the discovery of Laurens' wife and daughter, that Laurens himself had failed to inform him of.

The reason I see it this way, is the previous statement is about Laurens' wife and child, that Hamilton presumably did not know about;

“I anticipate by sympathy the pleasure you must feel from the sweet converse of your dearer self in the inclosed letters. I hope they may be recent. They were brought out of New York by General Thompson delivered to him there by a Mrs. Moore not long from England, soi-disante parente de Madame votre épouse. She speaks of a daughter of yours, well when she left England, perhaps [– – –].”

(source)

The French part supposedly translates to “so-called relative of your wife” (beware, Google translate isn't the most reliable source). Overall, the sympathy of his wife and child seems passive aggressive, especially since paragraphs ago Hamilton was expressing poetically how much he loved Laurens.

And then come the statement where Hamilton mentions that he just so happens to suddenly also wants a wife. Now notably, it has been implied in letters Laurens begged Hamilton to get married as to “cure” him of his “devotion” to Laurens, as seen when Hamilton did eventually get married to Elizabeth Schuyler;

“In spite of Schuylers black eyes, I have still a part for the public and another for you; so your impatience to have me married is misplaced; a strange cure by the way, as if after matrimony I was to be less devoted than I am now.”

(source)

Back to where we were though, Hamilton goes into grave, yet teasing, detail of how he expects his new wife to be.

“Such a wife as I want will, I know, be difficult to be found, but if you succeed, it will be the stronger proof of your zeal and dexterity. Take her description—She must be young, handsome (I lay most stress upon a good shape) sensible (a little learning will do), well bred (but she must have an aversion to the word ton) chaste and tender (I am an enthusiast in my notions of fidelity and fondness) of some good nature, a great deal of generosity (she must neither love money nor scolding, for I dislike equally a termagent and an œconomist). In politics, I am indifferent what side she may be of; I think I have arguments that will easily convert her to mine. As to religion a moderate stock will satisfy me. She must believe in god and hate a saint. But as to fortune, the larger stock of that the better. You know my temper and circumstances and will therefore pay special attention to this article in the treaty. Though I run no risk of going to Purgatory for my avarice; yet as money is an essential ingredient to happiness in this world—as I have not much of my own and as I am very little calculated to get more either by my address or industry; it must needs be, that my wife, if I get one, bring at least a sufficiency to administer to her own extravagancies. NB You will be pleased to recollect in your negotiations that I have no invincible antipathy to the maidenly beauties & that I am willing to take the trouble of them upon myself.”

In the last statement, Hamilton assures Laurens that he's not hiding any dislike towards women, many would point to this as him being serious about the whole hunt for a wife. But clearly, it's all still in teasing nature as Hamilton writes on in the most bawdy and lewd fashion. Saying that if Laurens still cannot find a woman to fit his description, that he should advertise him in the paper. I am pretty sure Hamilton was not being a bit serious about Laurens advertising his horniness in the papers to find him a chick. And then, he goes on with the famous line about his dick, clearly trying to annoy Laurens.

“If you should not readily meet with a lady that you think answers my description you can only advertise in the public papers and doub[t]less you will hear of many competitors for most of the qualifications required, who will be glad to become candidates for such a prize as I am. To excite their emulation, it will be necessary for you to give an account of the lover—his size, make, quality of mind and body, achievements, expectations, fortune, &c. In drawing my picture, you will no doubt be civil to your friend; mind you do justice to the length of my nose and don’t forget, that I [– – – – –].”

But of course, the letter has since been censored by Hamilton's fifth child, John Church Hamilton, and thus some context has been left out.

In the end, Hamilton even frankly admits; he does not want a wife, (even calling it a plague to have one) and that the nature of his rambling was witty, and meant to frisk Laurens. As he can't do much else with him from their only connection being letters at the time;

“After reviewing what I have written, I am ready to ask myself what could have put it into my head to hazard this Jeu de follie. Do I want a wife? No—I have plagues enough without desiring to add to the number that greatest of all; and if I were silly enough to do it, I should take care how I employ a proxy. Did I mean to show my wit? If I did, I am sure I have missed my aim. Did I only intend to ⟨frisk⟩? In this I have succeeded, but I have done more. I have gratified my feelings, by lengthening out the only kind of intercourse now in my power with my friend. Adieu

Yours.

A Hamilton”

#amrev #american history #american revolution #alexander hamilton #historical alexander hamilton #john laurens #historical john laurens #history #lams #historical lams #cicero's history lessons #queries #sincerely anonymous

[tuttle-did-it]

Request of Star Trek fans

I cannot bear to ever watch Star Trek: Picard again.

However, if someone loves spreadsheets/is going to rewatch/re-hate-watch it again, can someone please add up:

how many minutes in the episodes a woman is on screen

how many minutes in the episodes a woman is allowed to speak- must be actual dialogue, not just things like 'I know,' or 'no.'

how many minutes in the episodes a woman is allowed to have a conversation with another woman that is not about men (especially Jack or Jean Luc Picard)

how many times a woman offers a solution to a situation and her advice is taken

How many times a woman's sole reason for being i the scene is to allow a man to process his trauma or situation - basically, how many times a woman is there solely to listen to a man talk about his problems

how many times a woman got her own plot that did not have to do with any of the men- and yes, that includes making up with men they've ~disappointed~ in the past

how many times a woman is allowed to touch/embrace/kiss/her woman lover

the camera is so dark you can barely make out which woman is there

how many times a woman is interrupted by one of the men, told she needs to learn to control herself, told that her emotions are an issue, or that it is suggested that her friendships/loyalties/relationships will destroy her career

how many times a woman is insulted by a man and/or made to feel insignificant or unheard

A man tries to control the decisions a woman makes

A Legacy characters have priority (camera movement, dialogue, etc) over the Picard characters

how many times a woman is there to give encouragement to the men

how many scenes have women in the background where they don't even speak and could be digitally removed with little or no notice

the number of times the word 'family' is said

A woman's life is in jeopardy

the camera lingers on the Legacy characters for full Nostalgia effect, the music swells

And, if you can get a hold of the scripts- how many actual physical line counts the men have in comparison to the women

Once you have the numbers for all the episodes, I'd love to see a total for all of this because I literally cannot bring myself to ever sit through this unbearable pile of crap.

Anyone else need numbers on something, please add it.

#thanks folks #star trek picard #i hate it #request for star trek fans #i need some statistics and maths please

[cricksims]

Borowski Legacy - 1922

CW//mention of period-typical homophobia

On the first trip to the local park, AJ makes friends with many of the other children. There is one child in particular that seems to be his favorite, however.

The two goofballs play until the family must force AJ to depart.

Amelia and Olive grow close after the almost two years they have been living together. Amelia, instead of sitting alone on the porch, now sits with Olive.

Most of the time it is silent; the two are not the biggest talkers. However, to Olive's surprise, one day Amelia interrupts their usual quiet.

"I am sorry, Olive." Amelia says.

Olive grows confused. "For what reason?"

"For everything. You know, I did kill your husband and kidnap your newborn." She takes a drag of her cigarette.

Olive grows silent. She did not think there would come a day where Amelia would apologize. Jerry, well, he was an old and mean man. Olive cannot say she had a soft spot for him as she did Abel. There is not a day she regrets declining his proposal. He must have died hating her.

And AJ- well, that was the worst pain of all. A mother's love is something fierce, and being torn away from the baby she had bonded with in just a week was downright horrific. Could Olive forgive Amelia for that?

Then she thinks of what Olive has done to Amelia. Maybe- just maybe, if she had not married Jerry Mayweather- Abel would have survived.

Olive, realizing she has been quiet for some time, says, "I am sorry, too. But I accept your apology. What matters is that we are here now in a beautiful city with our babies. How are you doing with, eh, that?"

Amelia pauses, then says, "I do not know. It does not feel real. I cannot tell if Imogene likes me. She is so much more cautious and fussy than AJ ever was. I wonder if she felt my hatred for her during my pregnancy..."

"Nonsense, Amelia. Do you truly loathe her?" Olive asks.

The other woman sighs. "No. No, I do not loathe her. I am just- I am just so very frightened, Olive. I am unfit to be a mother; AJ and I barely made it through his newborn years! To you, to my mother, even Sonny- parenthood comes naturally. Well, it does not come naturally to me. And the loneliness! I must be born to be a spinster, as I have never been able to bring myself to love a man. What kind of woman is that? Unfit to be a mother," she takes a drag, "unfit to love."

Olive grows silent again. "Have you heard of the Pansy or Sapphic Craze? You know, the Drag Balls?"

Amelia raises an eyebrow. "What are you implying?"

Olive laughs nervously. Even though she considers Amelia a friend now, she still knows the woman could beat her in a fight.

"Nothing at all," Olive insists. "Maybe we shall attend one. There are a few underground clubs here in New Orleans. They are quite fun."

Amelia shrugs. "Uh. Sure."

Unlike most people, especially in the South, Amelia enjoyed the presence of homosexuals. She was all about noncomformity, so of course anything that is against the law is something she can get behind. She had never considered herself one, though. Is that what Olive is implicating?

Is that why she cannot love a man?

#sims 4 #sims 4 screenshots #sims 4 simblr #sims 4 legacy #sims 4 story #sims 4 gameplay #sims #my sims #sims 4 decades challenge #borowski legacy #ts4 legacy challenge #ts4 screencaps #ts4 gameplay #ts4 legacy #ts4 simblr #ts4 challenge #ts4 story #ts4 historical #ts4 decades #ts4 decades challenge #ts4 #the sims 4 legacy #the sims 4 #the sims screenshots #the sims challenge #the sims 4 decades challenge #the sims 4 historical #decade: 1920s

[fiendtheanonymous]

8, 14, 18 for the salty ask list

From this ask game here.

8.Have you received anon hate? What about?

I've never received anon hate from the Powerpuff Girls fandom, but I have for the Mario fandom.

I pretty openly headcanon Cackletta from Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga as aroace agender, as opposed to more popular fanon interpretations of her being a lesbian. Somebody told me to fucking kill myself over it LMFAO.

Also, her color palette even matches one of the main AAA flags it's right there /j:

Even color picked it from her palette a year ago, looks great legitimately.

I'm down for all sorts of queer interpretations of my favorite characters even if I don't personally headcanon them as queer in that fashion and I think people should be respectful of other people's takes as long as it isn't shitting on existing canon queerness. It's a blast to see all the lesbian Cackletta interpretations truly even if I don't headcanon her as such, obsessed with the fact that lesbians love her; tbh it makes a ton of sense as somebody who used to ID as a lesbian.

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

For the PPG fandom, I think a lot of people in the fandom have a stick up their ass about fanon works, particularly aged up work, work involving the Ruffs and/or Punks, or work that's darker/has more mature themes. I get being annoyed with stuff like this, totally, especially after that atrocious CW script leak.

Slight detour but people don't talk about this part enough when they bring up the worst lines from the CW script. Horrid, truly.

Back on track, I get it. I do, PPG, while an all audience show, is primarily targeted at kids and is for the most part light hearted. Even Craig himself states that changing any aspect of its premise and setting doesn't make it PPG anymore. Also I am very, very, very aware that a lot of fanon interpretation work is truly terrible and also deeply frustrating for a numerous amount of reasons. But I think it's a shame that this is so pushed back against because I honestly think that there are so many fascinating ideas that can be pulled from expanding PPG's world building and taking things in a darker or more mature direction. I have read some truly phenomenal darker PPG fanfiction that dives into more mature themes with the grace and nuance that they deserve. I have read some beautiful in depth work about people's future AU's that really take into account every. Single. Little. Detail. About how a setting like this could affect their characters and that includes diving into darker and more serious topics.

I get it's not for everybody, including Mr.McCracken himself, and I'm not saying "oh I'm right all you losers are in the wrong". Once again, there's a lot of stuff there's very frustrating out there. But the idea of having a more mature and in depth look into the setting and truly diving in and doing some intense world building/character building is such a fun concept to me given that there is so much to work with and build off of. I think people in the fandom are too unfair about the idea (outside of just not being personally interested which is 100% fine), not every older/mature dive into these characters and setting is going to be like the CW script or some mediocre High School AU fic where the author thinks that drugs and sex are the height of maturity and that 16 year olds are constant fucking and doing cocaine.

18.Does not shipping something ‘popular’ mean you’re in denial and/or biased?

NO. You are not required to ship anything, ever. Not shipping something says nothing about your values or whether or not you think something is canon. While I mostly don't ship things (I ship like... seven ships out of all the media I engage in, and three of those are the PPG/RRB color code ships and two of them are my own OCs) and don't care what others ship as long as it isn't like, pedo shit, I do have some popular ships that I truly cannot stand. Bowser/Luigi and Odd/Aelita being the mains ones off the top of my head. I just block the tags and don't engage with it, it doesn't make me in denial about anything or mean that I have biases. I just, do not care about these ships and don't want to see them.

Inversely, I know a lot of people who hate the handful of things that I do ship and they have their own valid reasons for it. They aren't in denial, they aren't biased, they just don't like them. It's fine, it's not the end of the world if somebody doesn't like a ship that I do. For the PPG fandom specifically, I interact with quite a few people awesome people who don't like PPG/RRB shipping and that's more than fine, we just talk about other shit it's not that hard. I don't like that shipping is seen as this be all end all in fandom spaces where so much discourse and strife is located. I hate how much of fandom it takes up and how big of a deal it's treated as even when I do ship stuff.

Additional perspective: I think the idea of not wanting to ship things or not shipping things being seen as bad excludes aspecs from fan spaces. I'm demiromantic/grayromantic (not 100% sure on which LOL my identity is a complicated mess), asexual, and generally shift between being neutral and favorable on both romance and sex. There are a lot of aspecs in fandom spaces who are solidly repulsed or uninterested in sex/romance or seeing it explored in fandom. The amount that shipping is focused on in fandom makes most fandom completely inhospitable to aspecs who aren't interested in romance and sex. Putting morality on not shipping things only pushes them out of fan spaces further than they already are.

Yeah sure, there are people who might not ship shit because they're queerphobic or racist or any other sort of bigot who doesn't like the dynamics of a ship due to the fact that it involves minorities. But those are not the vast, vast majority of people who aren't interested in ships.

#asks #anonymous

[weabooweedwitch]

I say this as someone who's followed you for years and with as much kindness as possible:

Get the fuck away from your mother. Ditch her fuckin ass. She's repeatedly making things worse and refuses to learn. You need to get away from her, for your own good.

I know I might be repeating what other people have said, or even what you have thought of doing, but holy shit this bitch is actively ruining your life through sheer stupidity.

I hope things get better

I feel bad that people have to keep giving me this kind of advice because I realize it's the most obvious answer, and there are multiple reasons separating from my mother would be good for us both. I feel bad that i keep sharing all these worrying stories and worrying people and then at the end of the day, I'm way too scared to actually try and fix things. I just worry so much about not being able to take care of myself, not being able to drive, what if I go somewhere and it's harder if not impossible for me to get to work, just. I worry about everything. Honestly the thing that worries me the most is keeping my job or not being able to transfer if I went somewhere else. My wage is currently $19 an hour, my 58 yo mom was making $22, so like, I'm helping hold it all together with rent BECAUSE of that income. I'm so scared of losing that.

I've had people ask if there's any family I can go to and the only possible option would be maybe my father who is in another state, I cannot remember if it is in Illinois or Missouri (ugh, they may have passed recreational weed but thats the only good thing thats came outta thar state in like the last 2 decades). And I don't know if that would be good either. But it's an option I'm beginning to consider. But I am sort of still in the reconnecting process with my dad and we've butted heads a few times and he also has his own physical and emotional issues. Actually I think he is where I inherited a lot of mental illness from because he also has an anxiety disorder and we are almost positive he has equinus like me. He also has developed type 2 diabetes and I am really bad with sugar impulse control, what if I hurt my dad because I can't stop bringing sweets into the house and he eats them too 🥺

It just. Personally makes me hate myself to even think of "hiya pops, we've barely spoken in the last 10 years, I've been really ahitty about talking to you consistently since we've said hi again and lost my temper with you a few times, hey I know you're on a fixed income and out of a job right now (or was, maybe he has one now, we've spoken so little idk) but is it OK if I come live in your house as a whiny codependent barely functioning weed addict of an adult?" 😅

But yeah I just. This is really. It just never ends. I keep fighting myself and beating myself up on "who's right, am I right, am I wrong, am I overreacting, whats going on, what do I do, someone tell me what to do because I'm too stupid to do things right" and it's just. I also still love my mother even if that love is being increasingly mixed with resentment. I worry about her ability to take care of herself because her health is getting worse and, like, I worry about her mentally a lot. Like this tooth infection she has, is because she doesn't have the best dental hygiene, and had fillings and such, and even after needing fillings still takes shit care of her teeth, and was putting off getting like broken teeth and such taken care of, and, they're now having to pull SEVEN of her back teeth. She'll need dentures to eat certain foods now. And I'm not better, I basically stopped brushing my teeth for many years because I literally expected to be dead before they rotted out of my mouth and now I'm scrambling to adopt that routine again, and also like.

Sorry but my mom and a dentist literally lied to me when i was a little girl and said i had several cavities because they thought i would be scared into brushing my teeth and all that did was convince me everything was pointless and needed to give up since it was already damaged, and she refuses to apologize or even acknowledge how that literally helped me develop a complex and felt helpless when SHE LIED TO ME, A CHILD, HER CHILD (and also i think my difficulty keeping routines is a combination just needing to apply myself and having adhd issue because like, I've been pretty good with my skincare at least)

I just. I love her but I hate her. If I'm not careful to keep myself calm I'm going to escalate to the physical level. And to be honest I've had the opinion for many years that, all those times my mom told extremely age inappropriate stories to little tiny baby Miranda about her experiences with assault and domestic violence, even as a kid I would think, "well you like don't listen, you shut people down, you insist youre always right, I want to hit you all the time too, maybe it wasn't them but maybe you got yourself hit by constantly pushing everyone around you to their breaking point" like clearly that's not a healthy thought to have and I. I am kind of convinced at this point that almost every single bad thing that had ever happened to this woman was her own fault in some way shape or form. But you could also say that about me

What's scary is that I can't even think of going anywhere without having savings first and I'm constantly being pushed to my limits to the point I don't HAVE any savings, it's all getting sucked up. I dunno how else I can get out of this pit and I'm just, mentally worn down from any entire life of this. I feel useless and exploited at home and then I go to work and feel useless and exploited at work and by society. Like. Life feels so bleak. My Canadian friend is getting in worse health. I still have a lot of affection for him but he's also uh done and said a few things I really disagree with on personal levels and it, gives me some pause, like. I genuinely am so sad all the time. I need to go back to the psychiatrist to get some medicines again but, I am working and making enough money that after my state insurance expires in October, I'll have to go through my work, and that doesn't 100% cover everything so, j wouldn't be able to afford anything at that point

Just. Ugh. I try to write down my thoughts and listen to music and try to write on my other blog to cheer myself up but I just. What can you do right. What am I good for. What is anyone good for. What is this world itself good for. Our entire species is gonna go extinct with climate change anyways. Why should I keep struggling and suffering like this when it's. Idk. Arguably all for nothing. We'll all be nothing more than just dogs following commands and paying bills until we die

#im just very. im on autopilot. i cant think about hurting myself because the desire is there #and i dont want to think about it to the point i do it #i just keep trying to redirect my thoughts and distract myself #but this sucks. everything sucks. my country sucks. my species sucks. my planet sucks. my skin. my hair. my body. my voice. my age #my arms my legs my eyes my ears my heart my soul my hopes my dreams it all fucking sucks #i just have to keep drinking or smoking and playing phone games until the bad thoughts go away