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viridianevergarden · 2 months

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Here we go again:

People ask “why didn’t Az fight for his love for Elain?”

People ask “If he really loved her like elriels claim then why didn’t he stand up to Rhys?”

People ask “Why didn’t Az try to explain his view?”

I’ll tell you why. Even though it’s been said a million times.

✨Azriel hates himself✨

✨He thinks he’s unworthy of love✨

✨He thinks he’s unworthy of Elain✨

✨He thinks his touch taints her✨

It’s that simple.

Why the hell would he try to combat Rhysand, his High Lord, his dear younger brother and trusted friend, for something that he so badly wants but believes he should not have?

Azriel’s MIND trumps his HEART.

He feels so strongly but his mind is constantly barking at him going “you don’t deserve this”. Of course he’s going to believe that. Depression does that to people. Poor self esteem does that to people. If you don’t get that then you live under a rock.

And in the heat of the moment that solstice night, of course some part of him will have the thought of “maybe just this once”, “I can be selfish this one night”. In that moment, He was thinking with his heart. Not his mind.

He thinks he’s being selfish in allowing his heart to yearn and feel.

And people are dick riding Rhys with the “you feel entitled to her?” Comment?

Azriel doesn’t feel entitled to Elain. Not the way people think he is.

He’s envious of his family. He’s agonizing over it. Not entitled. He has every right to be envious, even though he loves them. He’s questioning his religion, he’s questioning his and her placement, and get this- with ✨logic✨

Observe:

Azriel ignored the question. "The Cauldron chose three sisters. Tell me how it's possible that my two brothers are with two of those sisters, yet the third was given to another." He had never before dared speak the words aloud.

You can’t tell me you look at 3 brothers and 3 sisters, 2 having been paired up, yet think that the remaining brother and sister aren’t going to be together?

“BuT tHaT’s CLiChe.” Yeah, and? SJM is a cliche writer.

That’s Azriel’s thought process. He’s thinking logically. If there are 3 pairs and 2 pairs of the 3 are mated, then why isn’t the 3rd pair?

That’s not entitlement.

He’s not looking at Elain and thinking “she should be mine”.

Because again, ✨he thinks he’s unworthy of her✨

And Azriel isn’t going to stand there arguing with Rhysand. I wouldn’t either, no matter how much I loved someone. Because that’s his High lord. That’s his brother. He loves and reveres him.

TL;DR: Azriel, despite his feelings, decided to once again put himself last and cast his feelings aside for Rhysand and for everyone else’s betterment. Partially out of loyalty and partially because he, again, thinks he doesn’t deserve Elain’s love. No matter how hurt he is.

He won’t fight for something he thinks he shouldn’t deserve.

Not until he’s proven wrong.

#acotar #elriel #pro elriel #elain x azriel #i thought it was obvious #people act like he doesn’t have depression #and when they do acknowledge he does they say he needs therapy #but ship him with Gw*n at the same time #what if the cauldron was wrong #it is wrong

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riyo-soka · 24 days

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Something that would be nice is if the next episodes turn Omega’s capture into a point of connection rather than a fight between Hunter, Wrecker and Crosshair. Episode 5 had Crosshair, struggling to fit in with the squad and newly protective of Omega, blame Hunter for her capture and experiences at Tantiss. Maybe now that both Hunter and Crosshair have been in the position of being powerless to do anything but watch as she was taken by the empire, they’ll start to realize that none of them are actually to blame.

#the bad batch #tbb spoilers #there’s not a whole lot they could have done differently #they’re five guys a teenage girl and a dog trying to go up against a fascist mad scientist with infinite resources to throw at them #I won’t be mad if they fight bc that would also make sense but at the same time the gang desperately needs therapy #tbb omega #tbb crosshair #tbb hunter #tbb wrecker

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darealsaltysam · 1 year

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im at my fucking limit oh my god atreus running to kratos to hug him after freeing garm and kratos hugging him back and then letting go and then realizing atreus ISNT letting go and NEEDS comfort and continuing to hug him and asking him what happened and not getting mad or impatient and just letting him know he’s there for him and even as EVERYONE berates him for freeing garm kratos steps in and defends him because he understands how unbearably COMPASSIONATE his son is even for an evil hellhound and telling him they’ll fix this together and how he’s not angry and is only happy that he’s safe and and and and and AND AND-

#IM IN FUCKING SHAMBLES #THAT WHOLE SEQUENCE BROKE ME #and then the two of them in hel being so quiet and gentle with each other #theyre both angry and want to apologize to each other at the same time and all thats coming out is these quiet reassurances of love and care #kratos understands he fucked up and atreus understands he fucked up but now theyre gonna fix that fuck up TOGETHER and its OKAY and #and then kratos is just letting atreus talk about what happened in asgard and being so considerate of everything he tells him #and atreus is so broken and sad and quiet and kratos is trying to draw more out of him but he CANT so hes just hes just trying to be there #for him and. holy shit i need a minute #sony santa monica im gonna need u to pay for my therapy after this #god of war #gow 5 #god of war ragnarok #gow kratos #kratos #atreus #gow atreus #writing this post through TEARS

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figofswords · 12 days

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the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something

#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch #too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun #no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point #trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this #WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time #my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me #my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job #i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time #i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again #and WHAT DO I WANT!#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed #delete later #i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want #ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you #i miss that i want that back #whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go

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oddly-casual · 9 months

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Mutant Mayhem Spoilers

(Donnie appreciation post, he’s a little instigator)

Okay I’m being a little Dramatic abt the instigator thing, but I think I’m mostly right.

Before MM was released and all we had were trailers I heard a lot of people talking about the potential dynamics of all the brothers, mainly that Raph was going to be the Rebel older brother that Donnie and Mikey follow with Leo being a wet blanket.

And while they were right about Leo being a wet blanket sometimes (it’s the anxiety), I think Donnie takes the mantle for a lot of the rule breaking and planning in this movie.

In the very beginning when Raph suggests staying out longer, Donnie instantly pulled out his phone and put the idea of the Movie in everyone’s heads. Didn’t even wait for Leo to response before he was off and Raph and Mikey followed. Almost like he already had it locked and loaded.

Donnie is the first one to come up with the plan to gain acceptance through catching Superfly, which all his brothers are immediately on board.

In almost every scene when Donnie is driving he’s always pulling some NASCAR, Mario cart, movie logical racing that gets them out of all pinches, and-

Donnie was the one who snapped out of it the quickest when Superfly was threatening to grind them into powder- able to divert attention and make the whole ‘we don’t like this plan’ seem like a joke and even offering to drive by himself so they could be closer to the machine piece.

He’s also the first one who yells at Cynthia when they’re put in the milking machine, which requires some guts ngl-

Almost every plan or outspoken moment or even quick save is done by Donnie. (With Raph coming in second for those quick saves)

I’m just super happy that Donnie got a ton to do in this movie and we can really see his potential.

And Donnie is still the smartest! He wasn’t the smartest because he was a tech master, he was the smartest because he could drive and he’s straight up the biggest opportunist in the film, with his smarts being more subtle then outright. It’s a different take on Donnie’s intelligence and I’m really glad they did it.

#mutant mayhem #tmnt mutant mayhem #tmnt #mutant mayhem donatello #tmnt mm #mm donatello #mm donnie #Like- my boy is smart!!! and not just ‘i read tons of books and can build rockets’ smart!!#he’s also still a huge nerd!! homeboy likes Anime and has probably read the entirety of one piece like twice #he also needs therapy #like they joke abt Raph needing therapy the most but Donnie needs it too #Idk if it’s his anxiety outbursts or what but I can just tell Donnie is one canceled BTS concert away from throwing things #but at the same time he’s a sweet little Angel- you see my dilemma here????#I know in the TV show or more in the sequel theyre going to make Donnie a tech genius like fr #but it means so much more that we can SEE his potential not just as a tech guy but a strategist before he gets his big boy weapons

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mattodore · 20 hours

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therapy dog

#river dipping #matthias evanoff #echthroi #ts4 #ts4 edit #👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 gay ppl here you go #one day i’ll revisit the muzzle pose i made… am lazyyy tho #matthias likes muzzles and gags but has no interest in ears or tails. at least not on himself. so ignore the ears… or don’t 🤷#don’t go to him for therapy btw he will tell you to [redacted] yourself #i have more screenshots of him in this muzzle + collar combo but i didn’t feel like editing them this morning along with this one #when i’m at my desktop again i’ll reblog with some regular screenshots 👍#i need to make my own cas poses for matthias already bc i just use these same poses every time lmfaooo #i wish i could remember which cas pose had him kneeling… it’s my favorite one but i didn’t have the patience to find it yesterday #like i was Spiralling and was just trying to feel better by looking at my ocs #which. tbf did work a little bit sadly didn’t fix me </3 #actually feeling more normal now tho #going to rewatch the passenger 2023 dir. carter smith starring kyle gallner and johnny berchtold 😁#and then i think i’m gonna. read. maybe. or write. maybe.#maybe recolor some shirts for theo’s club wardrobe based on some of my favorite brian molko looks #maybe… actually look at my activity and inbox and stop isolating…… maybe.#idk….. we’ll see #time to go crazy over randy bradley everyone give me some space

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rubra-wav · 1 month

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#/hj #its the vox simp experience to love him but also hate him for his shit behaviour at the same time lmfao #like he is SO babygirl but also like. you need 3 years of intensive therapy minimum my guy #hazbin hotel vox #meme #vox #hazbin hotel

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aj-thegreatest · 6 months

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Nobody:

Me: I could technically rewrite the LO therapy episodes, since I’m actively learning counseling skills in my masters program

#lo critical #lo criticism #anti lore olympus #anti lo #quiet mumbles #this is a thought I’ve circled around my head a few times #and this would actually be educational for me/a learning tool to strengthen my skills #maybe if I had the time lol #also need to figure out if the same therapist can work with the clients families #while keeping them as a individual client #I’d rather nix the family therapy aspect and just make another therapist character for Demeter tbh

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bibannana · 2 years

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*Echo, standing in an open field screaming*

Omega *concern*: What is Echo doing? Is he okay?

Crosshair *staring at Echo*: He's screaming

Hunter *wearing earmuffs*: He's fine kid, don't worry.

*Echo takes a breath before continuing to scream*

Omega: He doesn't seem okay....

Tech *giving Hunter some painkillers*: He does this sometimes to release, and I quote, the frustrations of living.

*Wrecker walking up to Echo and standing next to him.*

*Opens his mouth and also starts screaming*

Crosshair *snickering*: Wrecker just joins in for fun.

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cerise-on-top · 18 days

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Hiiii love bug can you do the fluff alphabet for farah

If your still doing that🫶🏻🫶🏻

I don't think the two of you understand how grateful I am that I got the same request twice! Writing these takes an eternity! However, these are not proofread, I am too tired to do that, so please excuse any mistakes!

And don't worry about the frequent requests, I'm used to the same people requesting from me several times in a row!

Fluff Alphabet for Farah

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Farah is an active kind of person, so she would love nothing more than to go out on a hike with you. Or maybe explore the surrounding area a bit. She doesn’t need to discover something every time, but spending that time with you is nice. However, if the weather is anything but nice, then she’ll simply spend the time cuddling with you in bed. Or maybe do a puzzle with you as well. She loves the ones with animal motives.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Farah can be a heated woman. She had to be in order to gain everyone’s respect. However, you still have the patience to calmly talk to her. You have the patience to talk her down when she’s about to smack someone again. Don’t get me wrong, she has a lot of self restraint, but it’s still nice to have someone be your voice of reason from time to time. She admires the fact that you’re usually a rather calm sort of person.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Farah is pretty good at talking. She’ll usually distract you from everything, be it by telling you about the beetle she saw or by giving you the most comforting hug you’ve ever received in your life. If you’re experiencing a panic attack, then she’ll play some games with you to get you to calm down. I’ve mentioned it before, but she knows a few breathing exercises as well, or maybe she helps you using the 54321 method. Either way, she won’t be leaving your side until she’s certain nothing bad is going to happen anymore.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

She likes to think that her cause will help her build something semi-utopic. She knows fully well that Urzikstan will never become a full utopia, but she wants it to be a nice, peaceful place since it is achievable. She loves her country, so she’d love nothing more than to live there with you. Maybe adopt some animals, have some farmland, tend to your plants and live off them. She wants to be self-sufficient to some degree. She also wants it to be disgustingly domestic, like taking your wrist as she runs ahead to show you something.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Dominant, definitely. Farah usually says what she thinks and isn’t afraid to take charge either. You’re more than welcome to add your input, she actually likes it when you do so, but she usually gets her way. Her ideas are usually good as well, so they’re worth entertaining. However, it’s clear she wears the pants in the relationship. If you’re too scared to talk to the waiter regarding your order, she’s your woman. She can do just about anything with confidence,

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

It depends on the topic. Usually, Farah doesn’t forgive or forget that easily. Even when it’s you, she won’t forget the way you spew your poison of passive-aggressiveness at her. However, if it’s you, then she’s more easy to forgive. She does value what you have. While fighting she is also very passive-aggressive. Won’t yell at you, but she will make her point clear. Doesn’t budge easily either. Fighting with her is rough since she’s usually in the right, she knows what she’s talking about. If it’s something small she won’t always admit she was in the wrong either.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Generally speaking, she’s on the more grateful side. War could take her away from you any moment, so she has to be grateful. She’s grateful for everything you do for her, from cleaning the dishes to folding the laundry to giving her a kiss before every operation. It won’t last for eternity, so she needs to make every moment count, ergo she’s very grateful for all the time she gets to spend with you.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

She doesn’t tell you about every operation she goes on. Doesn’t tell you about all the people she’s killed. However, she’s a rather open person in general. If you’re close enough, if she trusts you enough, then she’ll share her tragic past with you and open up to you. Sometimes she will seek out comfort from you as well. So yeah, there won’t be too many secrets in your relationship on her behalf. At least none that are relevant.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

She’d likely always try to overwork herself, becoming a better version of herself. She blames herself for the people who have died for her cause, even if not all of those deaths were her fault. You’d likely get her to relax for a little bit, calm down as well. Although she will still mourn every brother and sister she’d have lost, she won’t grieve too much about it anymore. She has a big goal to work towards, a better future for her people, her and you. Together.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Kind of. If you’re getting too close to someone for her liking, then yes, she absolutely gets jealous. Especially if she doesn’t know that person well. She won’t kiss you in front of that person to get them to back off, but she will gently grab your hand and hold it in front of that person so that they get the right idea. But she doesn’t really act too much on it otherwise. She’s an adult, she know better than to second guess your relationship. She’s not that insecure.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

I don’t think Farah has had anyone before you, never having had time for a relationship before. However, I don’t think she’d be a bad kisser. A bit clumsy, maybe, bumping noses together, but she wouldn’t be bad. She’d be average. However, she’s a quick learner, so she’ll get there fairly quickly. Your first kiss would be clumsy. She’d miss your mouth a bit and kiss your cheek instead. And when she’d go for it again, she’d bump her nose against yours. It got both of you to giggle.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Nothing too fancy, she doesn’t have time for that. She’d invite you for a walk, get to a nice spot and then confess to you there. Although her language may get a bit flowery, she gets straight to the point. Do you want to be together with her? Yes or no? She doesn’t really have the time for heartbreak, or too many feelings, so she just wanted to get it out as soon as possible.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

I don’t think she particularly wants to get married. Sure, she wants to live together with you and have a good old time, but she doesn’t need to be bound to you by some silly vow. Isn’t her daily adoration, the way she almost worships you, enough for you? She’s committed anyway, she loves you above all else, but she doesn’t see the need to put a ring to it.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Habibi/habibti, rohi or ya amar in Arabic, and my love, my moon or my heart in English. She loves having sappy and romantic nicknames for you in her native tongue and in English. However, she does like to add “my” in front of those words to show everyone that you’re hers and hers only. Besides, calling you hers makes her heart flutter. She sometimes gets creative in Arabic and calls you all kinds of sweet and mushy, over the top nicknames.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

It’s only kind of obvious, and only to those close to her. She gets more chatty with you, she gets ever so slightly more touchy with you as well. While she may not always be able to make time for you, she will go out of her way to grab some coffee with you and talk over anything and everything first. She doesn’t really express her feelings that much, only the necessary amount for them to not bother her too much. Brings you gifts sometimes, holds your hand when she can, compliments you as well. That sort of thing. Will also think about you a whole lot more.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

She doesn’t really brag about your relationship, but she doesn’t hide it from the world either. If someone asks about you then she’ll tell them about you, but she won’t go out of her way to introduce you as her partner every time. She’s not shy about PDA, but she doesn’t really go out of her way to show it either. If you wanna kiss her, then that’s fine, you don’t have to hold back, but she won’t really go beyond hand holding of her own accord. Again, do as you please, but keep it within reason.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

She knows how to speak her mind. You won’t ever see her lying about something, she’s just honest like that. There’s really no reason to walk on eggshells around you all the time. She’s good at communicating her every want and need, so you’ll know what to do. She’s also more than happy to negotiate with you about something. Communication is key, and she can do just that. She’s like that with everyone else too, so why shouldn’t she be like that with you as well? You’ll always know what she thinks, either through your intuition or through her telling you.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

She can be rather romantic in theory. In practice she really doesn’t have the time for much else aside from the occasional walk. She wants to eat at a fancy restaurant with you, watch some awful but funny rom coms, dance in the rain, win some plushies for you at a fair. She really does want to do all those things with you, but she can’t since she doesn’t have the time or the means to. So, for the time being, it will be cooking together, cuddling on the bed and eating snacks. But other than that, she will do whatever is in her power to make you happy. She would go as far as tell the most embarrassing jokes in the hearing range of anyone just to see you smile.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Yes. She will support you however she can. Truth be told, she won’t be able to do too much since she doesn’t have a lot of money she can spend freely, and she doesn’t have a lot of time either, but she will always ask you about what progress you’ve made thus far. If you need a shoulder to cry on, she’s there for you. If you just want someone to give you an inspiring speech, she can do that too. Just give her the word and she’ll do whatever’s in her power.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

She likes having a routing for the basic things, but she does like something new every once in a while as well. As mentioned already, she likes going on walks and hikes with you. Sometimes she’ll take a different route just so she can see some new scenery with you. It doesn’t have to be anything big, sometimes just trying the new vendor’s food is enough for her as well. However, she needs something new every once in a while, otherwise she’ll grow bored of life. She does want you to be part of it as well, though.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

I like to think she would know you pretty well by the time you’re together. She notices the subtle things in and about you as well, and will mention them too if they’re positives. She can be a pretty empathetic person as well, but not too much. Although she’d love to share the pain of her brothers and sisters, she can’t always do so. But that doesn’t mean she’s not immune to the cries of the suffering. If you’re happy, she’s happy. But if you’re sad then she’ll also feel a twinge of sadness. However, her emotions won’t nearly be as intense as yours.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Your relationship is very important to her. About as important as her closest friends and her cause. She would go to great lengths to keep you safe. But I don’t think she would stop her cause entirely for that sake. Uzbekistan is important to her. However, I don’t think you would ever get in a situation where she had to choose between her people and you. She does keep you safe at all times. You likely won’t have to worry about the harder choices with her.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

She probably has a plushie that she gave to you. It was important to her, but she wanted you to have it. She loves it, if she could she’d still be actively cuddling it. It was a gift from a young girl who wanted to support her cause. It’s among Farah’s most cherished items. However, she does believe that the plushie is in better hands with you. Will sometimes take it from you and just hold it for a few moments before returning it to you, though.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Behind closed doors? Absolutely. If it was up to her, you’d be cuddling the entire stinking day away. She won’t go overboard if that’s what you want, but she loves to give you kisses to your forehead. Another thing she really loves is to hold your hand while you’re sleeping next to her. She’ll squeeze it gently too to show you that she’s there for you. She really wants you to dream a little dream of her being madly in love with you and taking good care of you as well.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

By remembering all the good times you’ve had together. She’ll also text you quite often, sending you funny pictures of her with this cool bug and lizard she found on a rock. Might call you on the calmer evenings as well to ask you how you’re doing. Your voice really calms her down, it’s the most soothing sound on the planet for her. She’ll also go through the photo gallery and the selfies she made with you, or all the pictures she has of you in general.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Pretty much, yeah. However, she’ll always play it safe whenever you’re involved somehow. She’ll keep guards posted if it means you won’t get kidnapped. While she won’t be able to afford an even greater war with even more nations involved, she will absolutely kill for you. She can’t afford to die, so she’ll live for you instead. Her line of work is rough, but she’ll do what she can to keep you happy. Even when she’s been shot, she’ll limp back to you just so you could see her alive.

#cod #cod x reader #farah karim #farah karim x reader #and that's the last request in my inbox for now! thank you all for participating!#I am so tired again today. but hey I got two requests done which is something #again I don't have any requests anymore for now. which means I might have some time to write an idea I had today #it's something I've been thinking about for a few days now #hope y'all have been doing well as well though #work was so slow today there was nothing at all for me to do so I just studied all day there #and I'm probably gonna be doing the same the rest of the week too #I have therapy again tomorrow so if I get a request I might not be able to get it done immediately #sorry about that but I think I need some time to myself now too #once all of this is done I will bake a nice cake though #one with poppy seeds

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gayvampyr · 2 years

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asexuals will literally get assaulted, beaten, correctively raped, forced into medical and/or psychological conversion therapy, and driven to suicide, and y’all will STILL have the audacity to say that “aphobia isn’t real”. you think the heterosexuals give us a free pass because we’re not actively having gay sex? no, because we look queer, we sound queer, we ARE queer for not being heterosexual. the lack of interest in the opposite sex is literally one of the blueprints for queerness. aces get bullied for some of the same reasons lesbians and gay men do — for not being attracted to the opposite gender. i remember being in school and especially church and being treated like an outcast, a freak, a queer and a dyke, because i didn’t like boys and i made no effort to date them. im an asexual, and im a lesbian, and both of those things made me a pariah. no non-hetero is exempt from queerphobia and suffering at the hands of straight people and im sick of the erasure

#im so sick of this shit #i hate all of you #i can’t count how many times men have tried to ‘fix’ me or doctors have told me there’s something wrong with me #that im just a flaw in human evolution and it’s in our *nature* to want sex because of procreation #that i need to be treated chemically to fix my broken brain #the same shit that gay and trans and bi people hear because we are the same #we are different but we are the same #a homophobe does not discern if you’re ace or gay or bi because no matter what you are wrong. an abomination. a sinner #and no amount of distance you put between us will change that #i’ve tried to kill myself far too many times to put up with this bullshit #acephobia #aphobia #rape tw #conversion therapy #r/pe tw

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notmoreflippingelves · 8 months

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I need to ramble more about Esteban Flores, because everything about this character and his arc seem as though it was tailor-made for me and specifically designed to make me absolutely feral.

This going below the cut, both because I do not want to spoil the entire show for my friend who is think of watching Elena of Avalor and because I go full-on apologist here and I feel like that will annoy some people.

Imagine making the absolute worst mistake than anyone could possibly make, because you are 18 and scared and stupid and tired of being ignored. And it results in you losing your family and your freedom and what little self-respect you had left because you know all of this is very much your own fault.

And so you proceed to spend the next 41(!) years eking out a miserable existence in an oppressive state. Upon fear for your life, you are forced to be the reluctant right-hand of the evil witch-queen who conquered your country, killed your aunt and uncle and trapped your cousin in magical prison. In spite of this, you nevertheless do everything within your limited power trying to hold the kingdom together and make sure the people don't starve, because the queen certainly doesn't care about anything except greedily bleeding your country dry.

And no exaggeration, this is just what canon explicitly gives us outright in the pilot. Like that's not even getting into head canons/interpretations/common sense of what exactly this sort of life entailed for you. Because this is a children's show so there's only so much they will let us imply about living under that kind of system. Especially as a young, attractive, terrified person who is the last living member of the previous royal family who is likely being kept alive partly as a combination trophy/punching bag for the evil queen (even if the show never actually states this outright).

And then by some miracle, what's left of your family comes back after all this time. The evil queen is overthrown, partly because you yourself finally stood up to her at a critical moment. You and your country are finally free again, and what's more, you and your family are finally together again after over 4 decades. But you still feel like an outsider--partly because you always were an outsider in your family even in the better times and partly because over the past 41(!) years, time stood still for all of them except you.

And as a result, no one ever cares to ask what those 41 years were like for you or even just if you’re doing okay. Not only because your family can’t even begin to comprehend what it must have been like, but also because they don’t care to even *try* to understand. Because the narrative has decided that everyone else’s respective traumas is worth way more than your own. (Though tbf the narrative really doesn’t dwell much on anyone’s trauma in general but yours gets especially neglected , except to briefly play it for laughs or to remind you that your trauma is *your own fault and only your own*).

For a little while, life is pretty okay. It’s weird not having to watch your step every instant to make sure you’re not putting a toe out of line. And so you never really fully break out of your “survival mode” conditioning, making sure that you are still considered important and valuable enough to keep around.

But all the while, you know that your past—and especially your terrible little secret—is eventually going to come back to haunt you. And it does. First via blackmail and then via the return of the evil witch-queen herself. Fortunately, she is defeated for good before she can take avenge your “betrayal of her” but you still have to deal with seeing the ghost from the past who terrorized you for 41(!) years.

And then, your secret finally comes out in the open and you are disowned by your family—the family you *just* got back a few years ago—for an admittedly super bad decision that you made over four decades ago and have regretted ever since. Rather than face the rest of your life in isolation (as though you didn’t already have enough of that during the previous regime), you escape before you can be sent into exile. This puts you directly in the path of *another* terrifying, evil magical milf who you are forced to ally yourself with. Because you have 40+ years of conditioning that when a woman like that says “jump,” you say “how high?” if you are to have any hope of survival. Especially given that the only people who could’ve protected you from her are the family and friends who have just definitively washed their hands of you.

Despite this, you are still trying to seek your cousin’s forgiveness and to protect her in the little ways that you can. But you are constantly getting rebuffed over and over again, and if anything, your attempts at reconciliation only seem to make your cousin angrier, and she now hates you just as much as—if not MORE than—the woman who actually murdered her parents.

Your cousin is so angry at you specifically that she actively ignores the greater threat of Witchy Milf 2.0, because she happens to see your face and is enraged. This ends up backfiring spectacularly for you both, though it does indirectly lead to the defeat of said Witchy Milf 2.0.

But guess what? There’s no time to breathe or celebrate, because her defeat occurred during the successful summoning of a third power-mad, feminine-presenting magical humanoid and her allies. At least, this one treats you with some initial respect and actually gives you outright what you-think-you’ve-thought-you-always wanted. But she also turns your family and friends to stone in front of you as a warning of what’s to come if you dare to defy her.

But this time, you are finally done with this, have finally lost enough that you have paradoxically found your courage. You sacrifice yourself to save your cousin, and she is finally able to accept that you’ve sacrificed and changed enough that she can forgive you. And her forgiveness is so powerful and pure that it not only restores you to life but also undoes all the other evil magic. Together, you defeat this final enemy, paradoxically by banishing her to the same Underworld where your mistakes accidentally sent your aunt and uncle and her parents long ago. Peace has been restored. You have returned for good and are finally secure in your family’s love.

And after all that, there are *still* people (both presumably in universe and in the fandom outside of it) who say it's too little, too late and that it would've been better for everyone if you'd simply stayed dead.

Like I'm just... are we really victim-blaming the character who has 45 years of unprocessed trauma and guilt (both survivor's guilt and guilt in general) because of a decision he made when his brain was still developing and he was being manipulated by an older, much more powerful person?

#elena of avalor #elena of avalor meta #esteban flores #chancellor esteban #like how do you do this to me--an english major--#and not expect me to be completely unhinged about it?#like the parallelism. the THEMES.#the fact that having to abide by established sofia the first canon #meant that the writers had to significantly prolong the length of both esteban's and elena's respective traumas #i get that they had to but like 41 years? they still did THAT #and they expect me to be normal about it #don't get me wrong; i am not blaming elena for her response #it was normal and understandable and given her position; i may have acted the same #but at the same time; 41(!) years of trauma that the narrative just assumes esteban did and should've gotten over by now #even though they are not expecting elena to have gotten over the same 41-years of trauma?#and not just little trauma with a little “t”; we're talking TRAUMA™#someone get this man to the Ever Realm equivalent of therapy #like i'm not totally wild about s3 in general (we should've had an final season to deal with the coronation day aftermath)#but like the finale still hit all the right narrative beats that i needed so I'm okay-ish #and it still handled esteban's final arc much better than the similar final cassandra arc from tangled the series #imo at least

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