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charismaofobedience · 6 months

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what makes you think mikoto is good rep? specifically, what is it about double that convinces you?

Okay okay, it took me some time to perfectly articulate my thoughts on how MIkotos system isn't horrible rep and instead was tackled... Somewhat well? This was also written after me and another friend who's a system discussed this extensively and how our own situations lowkey match the situation Mikoto himself is facing. Under the cut because I did *not* expect this to get so long </3

To start it off with some debunking of things people have been mentioning as "oh but this proves he's not a system" (after Milgram itself confirmed them as one but oh well), the whole thing on how DID only appears during childhood isn't... Really the full truth? The most common thing to happen with DID is, instead, for someone to develop the conditions for it through their childhood, but the symptoms only start showing when older. I myself was a case of that and while it started around my 6 years, we only had our first split at 14. Mikotos just happen to be later. I personally also think that, during the phone call with his mom, there wouldn't just have a random baby crying noise for no reason. He probably developed it that early, but just didn't split until recently, however that's just my own reading and not anything confirmed.

For the point of "but then, why don't the milgram rules work on John if he is indeed the killer? This proves it's Mikoto who killed", just look at irl court cases of systems. The one being judged will always be the host almost all the times, after all, he's the main one who fronts, and not whichever alter committed the murder. The host and body would be the one in jail etc in a real life prison, not the alter who committed it. Milgram is a perfect parallel to that, with Mikoto being restrained and the Es barrier working on him even if he didn't commit any murder while John, the alter and one who committed the crime, doesn't has any restraints or barrier that work on him. Because Mikoto is the host and core of their system, not John.

Second, some quick system terminology. I'll be using the terms host, protector/persecutor and dormancy on this, so for a quick understanding: Host means that, basically, that alter is the one who mainly fronts and takes care of things, may or may not be the core ("original" person), but at Mikotos case I'll assume he's both the core and the host. Protector is what the name implies, they're alters who have as their purpose to protect the system and body. Persecutors just so happen to be protectors who have more drastic means to do things and will inherently be harmful to the system in a way in another, they are not necessarily bad, and might instead just be misguided and think what they are doing is a solution for a issue and that by doing so they're protecting the system. Finally, dormancy is when an alter of a system... Well, goes into dormancy. They can't come to front anymore and will be "asleep" for some time or even forever depending on the conditions. A inclusion is also possible, where two alters (or more) will become one etc, but I don't think that will be the case for Mikoto.

So, as it's settled, Mikoto is the Host and Core of the system and Orekoto/John is the Protector/Persecutor of it. Let's get to the explanation now.

Mikoto's split seemingly very much occurred due to the stress situation he had been feeling from his work. We have John welcoming him home twice through the mv and noticing that Mikoto isn't smiling or anything when coming home anymore and it isn't the only times judging by the "another day" mention. We can see on the second one he's either getting the subway to go home or go to work (probably the first one), but on the first time it's said we get to see Mikoto's phone and, specifically, messages coming through and through.

All the texts are coming from his boss, and from the looks of it Mikoto works for a black company in Japan, so it's no wonder he's stressed and very clearly depressed there. Judging by the time Mikoto would be going back home at midnight and, at that time, he's texted by his boss that he needs to remake a whole product and correct mistakes from another thing for the next day of work, and with "next day" you can bet they mean "when i see you in around 10 hours". For now, this is the main reasoning and sustenance we have for "but why did he split?", aka, Mikoto was under a lot of stress on work and it lingered even when he was home to the point that, eventually, John split as himself and, as himself said, he's got Mikoto, and he could leave it all to him.

By this point I like to think it was already John fronting to reply to the boss call. John got tired of Mikoto overworking himself to the brink of breaking down to appease to his boss and superiors and, wanting to help, came to front to "take it all on" in his own words. I think bringing MeMe up for Double discussion is extremely important because we have to remember that MeMe was visibly only from Mikoto's point of view while in Double we have John telling his own point of view. I don't think Mikoto is lying about not knowing he's a system etc, but instead that Mikoto thinks something is wrong, yes, that he knows whoever this person ruining his life is both not him and him at the same time (mirror scene), but isn't aware exactly that he's a system. John is portrayed as scary and evil and cruel etc in MeMe because that's what Mikoto assumes to be happening, Mikoto doesn't know whatever John is doing and what are his intentions, we knew since them Mikoto is the type of guy to take things happening to him lightly (joking about the milgram situation etc) because he may think he deserves it, and this extended to his work and personal life. Through MeMe we see Mikoto looking sad and not smiling anytime until we got to the ending in the headspace where he's sitting on the couch somewhat smiling, but not looking downright miserable like he is in double because Mikoto's main focus was that there is some scary guy there, not that his work life was putting him under so much strain to the point of splitting. Hell, his work life was never brought up until Double anyways, because Mikoto didn't think it was important and kept playing as if it was cool (even during the call with his mom in Double, as John showed us) and that he could handle it, meanwhile Double has John showing us just how miserable Mikoto looked after work and some situations that would happen on his day to day work, how he never went back home smiling etc. MeMe has a bigger focus on Mikoto, as a Host, not knowing that he's a system and how scary that can feel when you're fully unaware of why you're seemingly doing certain actions that you're not aware of when they're brought up to you, meanwhile Double focuses on his alter, John, telling us about his own motivations and the truth about Mikoto's daily life, showing us that whatever it is he did was to protect Mikoto because being a protector is his role in the system. Mikoto didn't take his issues seriously in MeMe, and in Double John gives us a glimpse on how bad it was. For Mikoto, all of his personal issues were coming from the fact that there was an Evil Scary Serial Killer guy around, while John tells us that nuh uh, it was capitalism all along and he'll protect Mikoto from that stress.

The voice drama also tracks some of these points, such as Es mentioning that Mikoto laughs whenever he's troubled and rarely gets angry or frustrated, ignoring problems, and Es mentioning that John acts more rationally, contrary to what he expected... After all, Es' only views of John came from MeMe as a mv, and then from John getting angry and frustrated as Es because, in the beginning, to John it all felt like people were trying to trouble and hurt Mikoto yet again. He was just doing his job as a protector.

I've seen most people say that the "made me a scoundrel" refers to us, the viewers, but also... I feel it might also just be John talking with Mikoto himself. Mikoto saw John as a evil bad alter on MeMe as we just discussed, and from what we see here... Yes, John is violent and impulsive, but he's still a protector who did things with the goal of "I need to protect Mikoto" in mind. We didn't knew that through the entirety of MeMe because Mikoto himself didn't know, and John might be frustrated that the guilty verdict could have come only because Mikoto portrayed himself in such a way first and foremost. John asks him why he's crying because I'm fairly sure he isn't aware that Mikoto isn't aware of him either. The main issue at play here is the fact their system communication is horrible if not non existent. They can't communicate with each other properly for some reason even through writing etc, so there's no way for them to be certain of how the other feels. There's no way for Mikoto to know why John was doing all that. There's no way for Mikoto to know John was trying to protect and help him.

John in the middle of Double even states that he doesn't know why he's there. So yes, most of us are all assuming it was all due to Mikoto's stress with work, but hell we could all be wrong because, again, Mikoto refuses to open up and actually talk about issues with anyone. "Come to know me as an honest man" is John asking for all of us and Es to go and know him as himself, as John the alter, and not the vision Mikoto had of him on MeMe and the entirety of trial one. Because yes, you can't change the violent nature of his, but we should at least come to know and understand that he is a protector and was simply trying his best to protect Mikoto from something (what? We don't know and can't be sure, but yet again, our best bet for now is his job). John is seemingly willing to open up more this trial, admitting he is indeed the one who committed the murder and asking Es to understand the situation they're being put under, with Mikoto feeling stressed and please forgive him, because Mikoto is not the one who committed the murders. I'm sure we will get more on their situation etc when the questions for Mikoto and Kotoko come, but for now we only have that.

John simply wished to save and protect Mikoto, he himself doesn't know how it all ended like *this* (Mikoto as guilty and not innocent, running away from him on the train because, again, Mikoto isn't aware John is simply trying to help him). Having John asking us to forgive Mikoto many times through both the mv (first image of these 3) and voice drama (next screenshot) basically affirms his beliefs and wishes, that he wants us to guilt him, but not Mikoto. After all, if we get another guilty verdict? In his own words Mikoto will go into dormancy due to the stressful situations of having two guilty verdicts in a row, but if Mikoto gets a innocent this time around? Then, there will be less need for John to front... After all, if the situation becomes a bit more calming for them, then John's purpose of protecting Mikoto will be gone for some time... What we can't have, however, Is Mikoto going into dormancy and then forcing John as the new host, because John wouldn't know what to do by then. He was born to be a protector and his identity is intrinsically connected to this role, the duty of protecting Mikoto, for him, comes above him as his own person. With Mikoto's dormancy, John himself would lose his purpose and motive of existing.

And even so, John apologizes at the end of the milgram, questioning even his own existence that "none of this wouldn't have happened if I wasn't even born". In John's eyes, he failed on his role of a protector by getting Mikoto into this situation. The protector guilt is shown so greatly on John that I did tear up a bit when first watching the Double mv and reading the lyrics. The fact they expanded away from the "scary evil alter" troupe that Mikoto made us belief in trial 1 into a protector/persecutor who feels guilt that his actions caused harm to the host? Into a protector with low empathy who cares more for the well being of their host than his own? Mikoto was neutral on the scale of "is this good system rep" for me initially because, again, Mikoto himself didn't know he was a system. Now we got more information on how things work thanks to John and, from the feelings of how scary finding out there's someone else besides you to the fear of realizing that the person who did whatever the hell it was wasn't you mentally, but it physically was you at the same time is terrifying. I think their writing was very well handled to cover the topics of fear and guilt from both sides. Mikoto is still a host who's unaware of the fact he's a system. John is a protector who feels like he failed on his role after getting Mikoto into this mess. Their communication, due to seemingly being a recent split, is non existent so they cant fully talk with each other to comprehend the other. To me, this is a perfect example of how it felt when I myself found out I wasn't a singlet. I don't think Mikoto's writing is perfect and has no flaws, not at all, but on the grander scale of things? Having this type of rep coming from a japanese song media franchise is great and almost unseen since it's mostly always used as a joke or for the scary evil alter trope alone. Milgram and the team could do some stuff better, sure, but from what we have right now? It's far from me of calling them "bad system representation". After all, just like John tells Mikoto, they're both doing their best.

#Milgram #Mikoto Kayano #John Kayano #Orekoto #milgram analysis #♡𑁬࿔ chii talks

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noyaetnox · 10 months

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SAVANACLAW HEADCANONS:

The series: DIASOMNIA / HEARTSLABYUL / OCTAVINELLE / POMEFIORE / SAVANACLAW

- first things first, bro would NOT make it obvious he likes you. Not at all. "Oh, but Noya-" NO. He wouldn't even be like, soft with you. You would get no hints. None!

-> he, like the smartass he is, knows that you have the hots for him 😌👍 he uses it for the longest time before you two actually start dating.

- I feel like Leona is very unlikely to just have a crush? Like, it is hard to explain, but he doesn't go around getting crushes just like that, out of nowhere.

-> when he found out you have a crush on him, he just thought about it and was like: "I mean, I wouldn't mind dating the prefect 🤷 they're alright," and he just falls in love once you do start dating.

-> that is not to say he's an asshole or like toxic (just a little) it's mostly due to like his whole trauma? Where he has a hard time believing someone would actually like him and just the thought of being loved in a romantic way is so distant to him? All that, in turn, makes him very emotionally unavailable and he just never opens up about what and how he is feeling.

-> it only comes after he ends up actually falling for you that he allows himself to be emotionally vulnerable around you - he is rarely physically vulnerable (it's caused by his mental state) so it is definitely surprising to you

- don't go into the relationship with the "I can change him" mindset, because he will not. All the developments that have happened ever since he genuinely told you his first "I love you" is just the things he's always been coming to the surface

- back to you crushing on him and him using that ☝️

-> he finds it amusing at first. "The herbivore has developed romantic feelings for me? How absurd," or something 🤷 and he just uses his charms to get you to do shit for him, starting from small things to full on trials by fire 😐

-> he would first order you to get him food from the food cafeteria and a month later you're feeding killer animals or like, washing his dorm roof (which he ordered you to do, just to see if you actually will - you did and he almost lost a limb when your friends found out)

-> that is not to say he doesn't care about you. He just wanted to test your loyalty? And like how far you would actually go for him. He expects you to just be like: "No, Leona, I can die," but then you actually do the thing without complaining and he can't sleep for the next few days (calmly) because not only have you baffled him with your determination but he was also extremely worried about you

-> once you started courting and later dating, he's just become so anxious and nervous when it came to you. There would not be a moment when he isn't thinking about your physical and mental well-being. One thing is being friends with the troublesome Adeuce and Grim, but another is that you're basically his weakness - and though very few people care about him, someone could still do something to you just because you're close to the prince. At first, he kept all these worries to himself (and almost Ruggie? Who just noticed something was wrong but Leona never voiced his problems) until you just one day straight up asked him what's wrong and if it's anything you've done or if he's embarrassed to be seen with you because you two just keep on hiding.

- that was the moment your relationship completely changed. He understood that him not sharing things could end up driving you away, so he finally told you about all of the worries he's been having and the fact that you finally understood. You thanked him and told him that it's totally normal to be a little paranoid considering his whole life, and he was just so full of love when you've continued to be nice to him. Ever since, he just tells you everything, with you telling him everything in return.

- Leona is very intelligent, and at first he didn't bother remembering anything you've told him, untill he started actually liking you and suddenly everything you say is like the holy scripture and he's got everything memorized and stuff. It's really sweet!

- anyway, you two often have deep conversations that go on for so long and it's crazy because he seems to know everything about everything (is bro ok?)

- platonic: he just protects you and is rude to you still. Like, he would even hit you and stuff... You can't catch a break

- you all were best friends until you weren't

- to this day you don't know how the two of you ended up official

- you were suddenly kissing and holding hands and you just accepted that

- you cook for him and he cooks for you. Like there was no agreement there, you both just love feeding the other and it's so sweet please get a room :(

- Leona tried to get you to work for him, too, but you actually take Ruggie away from him. That does mean Leona kinda hates you, though.

-> Ruggie finds that hilarious while you fight for your life :"D he's cute when he laughs but he wouldn't help you

- he's a little sh*t! Bro would torment you on the daily!

-> he stops only when you're obviously pissed and then he apologies

- he does that thing where he jokingly takes your things. Like you're searching for something, say a pen, and you're going crazy because you'd swear it was on your desk and then you look at Ruggie and bro is mischievously grinning at you with the pen in hand. It's very amusing to him.

- he's extremely smart but just knows how to use the things at his disposal in his favour and you just can't help but thank gods you're on his good side because he only does those things jokingly or like in a fun way. Like he would force you to share food with him, or the previously mentioned taking your things, or he would take things and give them to you.

- Ruggie doesn't really have many things he likes and enjoys doing so it's mostly you planning dates, taking him to all these new places

-> that said Ruggie is the **MAN**. Like, bro is a man for everything. A handy man. Like you'd have water leakage and Ruggie shows up at your doorstep with the proper equipment and it's repaired in a few minutes. Lightbulb change? Already done. That broken window? Ruggie repaired that days ago, please. You tore your shirt? Man is sewing the hole. He's just so- a total male wife. Househusband Ruggie, yes please.

- I HC that Ruggie just loves his lover deeply. He doesn't do any of that silly stuff. If he's dating you, he's already got the future planned with you in mind. Like, you are the one for him and he's weighted all the options.

-> he definitely puts you first. You might sometimes fight for that position with Leona but nore than not, you come out on top. That said, Ruggie often feels bad about that - both ways. So more often than not, he just combines the two. Like, you can't even count how often your date with Ruggie turned into a date with Ruggie ft. Leona... Or like a date with Ruggie but the idea is that you two are running errands for Leona 🤭 so romantic

- lots of cuddling and PDA

- you guys talk about serious stuff very often also, like with Leona. Ruggie feels safe enough to speak about his feelings while you also feel very safe with him

-> despite all the pranks he pulls, you just know he would never dare actually hurt someone he loves. Like, if you tell him a secret, he protects it with his life, not even Leona will know ☝️

- which reminds me. Y'all spend so much time outside you don't have to take vitamin D anymore because you get so much Sun you are charged for YEARS with this guy.

-> CUTE DATE IDEA! And it's just the two of you picking flowers. Or the two of you doing sports

-> Ruggie will definitely make you do sports with him. No questions asked. One second you're chilling somewhere the next you're catching a ball Ruggie just threw at you (he's crazy strong because he's a beastman, you almost die each time but Ruggie just finds it fun)

- platonic: bro is just annoying. You can't catch a break. It's like you're his chew toy and he just wrings you dry of everything you have physical and emotional

- when I say innocent love, I say innocent love

- honestly speaking, I believe Jack would not date in school. He considers that to be too much of a distraction and he just has other things to worry and care about that don't include a relationship

-> ... But we pretend here that you are just so irresistible (which you are, you slay <3) that Jack just had to against his ideals and get into a relationship with you

- that means he was the one who confessed. No other way. Like, even if you were the first one to confess he would just reject you. It just has to be him, okay?

-> so you definitely don't start dating anytime soon. He will take forever because he will think he'll get over it (a crush, which he will refuse to recognize as such), only finally doing it when Epel calls him out - he was tired of watching Jack have heart eyes for you and not do anything about it.

- he's very excited about planning the dates so you let him. Sometimes they are straight up just sport meets, but surprisingly, many of the dates are very sweet. I strongly believe Jack is a very raw guy, so he likes dates like picnics, where he just gets to enjoy you without any distractions.

- he is shy but he will do anything and everything for you. Like, if you ask him to let you play with his hair and put braids and pony tails into his hair? You can do it. Paint his nails? Sure. Do his make-up? Feel free. Like bro is so comfortable with his masculinity. And honestly? Good for him.

- his love language is gift giving. But hear me out! DIY gifts. And it's so cute and he's so shy about it but you love it so much and always put things from him on display somewhere.

- he is also very handy like Ruggie so you can expect him to just do everything. Fix something at Ramshackle? You got it. Also very nice of him.

- that said he will REFUSE to call you any endearment. You could beg him to call you something sweet and he's just like: (Y/N) 😐

- he will ask you to keep the relationship between the two of you a secret but bro is so obvious everyone will find out almost right away.

- I'm running out of ideas for Jack.

- he will definitely take care of you.

- I think in general all the Savanaclaw guys will fall hard. Like, Leona will date for fun but once he falls he falls hard, while Ruggie and Jack would not dare date for fun. And it's like, they chose you and that means you're their forever. They know what they want and it's you, they're not playing around. Especially Jack. Since he would refuse a relationship otherwise, I think because you two somehow ended up dating. He's basically already married to you but you're students so he's waiting for you two to finish school. But you get me, right?

- I just think it'll be a very sweet relationship. Jack doesn't have much experience, it's all new to him but he tried his best and it's just so sweet. You two move very slow. And he probably had everything planned years in advance. Chronologically. So you're in for a fun ride! Maybe....

- platonic: I just know Jack is the best friend. Like out of all TWST guys, he's the most best friend. Best friend material fr fr. Which is something I really regret? Because Jack just doesn't get enough screen time, he doesn't get as much attention as the rest and I feel so bad about that because then I can't write about him because I don't know what to write 😐 like please give Jack something better

Character.ai isn't working so I came with a new chapter that I have had for weeks but was too lazy to edit the banners and make the post but here it is!

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tic-toc-clock77 · 7 months

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ITSSSSS TIME FOR SOME PROXY HEADCANONS!!!!

Characters include; Ticci Toby, Hoodie, Masky, and Kate the Chaser

Masky

An unknown time after Marble Hornets, an amnesiac Tim Wright woke up in a forest with no recollection of where he came from or who he was. This was the manipulation of the Slenderman. When he awoke, he was with Brian, who had been rendered mostly mute probably due to shock.

The two wandered the forest and though, they had no clue who the other was, they seemed to become friends quickly. They walked 3 hours into the forest and finally seen Slenderman and they followed him without question to a small cabin.

Days bled into one another but he soon became complacent and rather content with the job of killing and bringing the bodies to the Slenderman. Living in the cabin was relaxing enough too.

His relationship with the other proxies was fine due to everyone minding their own business and getting the job done and the slashers didn't bug him due to him being a bit higher up and closer to Slender. So everything was good until....Toby showed up. Masky was neutral with him at first but as Toby became more and more relaxed and familiar with the cabin and forest dwellers, he got so fucking annoying for Tim to deal with.

But as of 2023, Tim Wright (assuming he has the same D.O.B. as his actor) would be 35 years old and though wiser and older, still a douche as he had grown accustomed to being.

Hoodie

Brian Thomas woke up roughly at two in the morning next to a man he'd never seen before...he really wouldn't know if he'd ever seen him before, he couldn't remember anything. He chose not to speak after seeing the Slenderman, who he'd assumed he'd seen before but he still couldn't place it.

He passed out again and woke up a bit later, soon enough he was following the man who introduced himself as Tim and then they followed the Slenderman together.

Days passed and he'd spend quite a bit of time in the forest, trying to relax..he barely spoke, he barely took off his mask but he was used to it. He slowly got used to the slashers and other proxies and tried to be relatively nice to them to make up for his lack of speaking and the fact that Tim was a dick to everyone.

As of 2023, Brian would be 34, older, wiser and still mostly unspeaking.

Kate The Chaser

She'd done it, successfully killed Lauren and proved herself worthy to Slenderman. She was the first proxy in 2012. After losing her humanity, she couldn't really deal with other people so she was given the role of the guard-dog, no longer needing to eat or sleep due to Slenderman's power, she would patrol the forest day and night.

Her relationship with the others is simple, she's almost entirely ignorant to the rest. She doesn't go out on missions, she just kills whoever comes by the cabin who isn't a worker.

Ticci Toby

Tobias Erin Rogers followed Slenderman closely, only 17 at the time. At first he was afraid, like a rabid dog ready to attack but also restless and scared. He wasn't certain how exactly a bunch of killers could function all together by living so closely but time went on and he got more comfortable, he started to act the way he used to with his sister. Him and his sister had always been loud and annoying when alone together, coming up with games to play.

Toby gradually started to get annoying, especially to Masky. His relationship with the others was causal but Tim was...special.

Annoying Masky felt like annoying his Dad and it made him able to joke around with him in ways he couldn't with his real dad. Of course, Masky hated it but due to Slender's rules he couldn't do anything about it.

As of 2023, Toby would be 27 (yeah, I'm ignoring that Kastoaway confirmed his early death and there's a reason for that on a certain post you'll probably come across on here), now 10 whole years older, he still annoys Masky but it's very rarely seen these days. He's more concerned with getting his life together and maybe leaving the main cabin with Clockwork to build a new one together but of course, he still works for Slender and can't live outside of the forest.

That's all, I hope you enjoy!

#creepypasta #masky #hoodie #kate the chaser #ticci toby #toby rogers #tobias rogers #tim Wright #Brian Thomas #🕷️'s headcaons #🕷️'s writing

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hammerhead-jpg · 1 month

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Idk if I'm ever gonna finish the refs for my redacted ocs, but here are their logos

I could make some doodles of their designs or smth idk....

I wrote some info about them under the cut if ya curious (that ended up being a lot longer than I expected so behold)

Taurus

I already made a ref sheet for Taurus so I already wrote down some info about him there so you can go see that if you wanna

I can only imagine since I established that he's friends or at least knows every single redacted de(a)mon and also is a part of the chorus that if he would be on the redacted channel he'd successfully force himself into practically every storyline.

Practically all redacted ocs that I made I more imagine as side characters than as "main" characters so they don't really have a listener, but I guess his listener would technically be freelancer.

I imagine he remembers the cacophony well, even though he wants to forget it.

Gin Asari

I'm very aware that Gin wouldn't really work as a character since, to be a sibling to a listener would mean to not have them have a distinct background, race or gender (or at least agab) since this is specifically an identical twin brother, because unless them and the listener are not blood related (and in this case they are) the characters background, race and gender would allude to the listeners background, race and gender which you're not supposed to do. But because I have already made up the listeners background race and gender as if they were an oc as most people do, I haven't really thought about this.

Anyways, this is Gin Asari! Lovely's twin brother! And if you haven't noticed they are the main character of the oc fic I wrote some time ago. I actually made 4 more chapters for that fic but didn't post it since I thought it wasn't good enough and also people hate fics written in first person for some reason.

I don't really remember why I made this oc either, I guess just because I wanted to explore the idea of a electro-energetic baddy, even though they don't really have their electric powers yet since they haven't experienced a traumatic enough experience and Lovely hasn't told them in fear that they would try to traumatize themselves on purpose to get them. I also wanted to explore Adam's backstory through them (btw I fucking struggled to make the timelines align to find out what age they are).

For those of you who haven't read the fic ("the fic" meaning also the chapters I didn't publish so I guess that's like all of you) here's a quick summary: Lovely's twin brother (who at this point isn't in contact with Lovely since Lovely ran away from their parents when they were 16) is chilling in med school with their roommate: Adam Jessup. That is, all until Adam disappears one day and is found dead in a car crash, except, Adam didn't really die and he just got turned willingly. Adam returns one year later by sneaking into Gin's room. There, Adam descides to feed on them and after realizing they're willing to let him feed on them, let's them live and starts a very unhealthy relationship where he returns to feed on them every week or so. That is until he gets addicted to their humanborn latent electro energetic blood and every week or so becomes every night. The induced anemia and stress from overworking themselves due to their parent's high expectations, Gin's mental state starts to decline. That is until they find out that Adam is a literal serial killer and he basically tries to murder them since they didn't want to continue their relationship. They run away to Dahlia, both from him and from their parents, until a couple of years later they meet Lovely, now a vampire, by chance, and they catch up and learn that Adam has been upgraded to a decapitated skeleton under a broken down rollercoaster.

I realize that I mostly wrote their backstory and not their current story, like I don't really know what happens after they catch up with Lovely. Do they descide to keep in touch with the Solaire clan or do they go back to their normal life? Does Lovely tell them about the whole electric energetic thing? Do they befriend the other vampires? I don't know! I haven't decided yet.

Methuselah

I'm trying to figure out what this fool's nickname would be besides just Meth.

I thought to myself "what was the first de(a)mon created like? What are they doing?" So I started brainstorming ideas until they eventually became an oc.

So Methuselah (named after the oldest known star, I wanted to be the first star given a name but all that popped up was the oldest star), an inchoate, the first created demon, the one who has lived for thousands of years, fought in the cacophony and created the chorus and serve as kind of a makeshift leader of it.

Some may say that Meth here is what you would call a mary sue but you know as they say when I create a character that's the world's best assassin, a science experiment possessed by a god of anger who has a corrupted form that slowly kills them when they use it, they get called a Mary Sue, but when Asagiri Kafka does it it's "I love Chuuya Nakahara!!"

If Taurus is jaded by his long ongoing life Methuselah is the most jaded of them all. Just basically barely cares about the things going around them. Even if they did care about keeping relationships everyone except some of the chorus members is scared of them due to their overwhelming power, both magical and political.

When the ruling council descided to include de(a)mons in it they were the first demon asked if they would want to join as a representative for inchoate demons their response was to spit in their face and say "was that the answer you were looking for?"

I imagine that they are currently dealing with the whole Hush situation, and that in the first time in thousands of years, they're scared of death. After the cacophony in which they almost died, saw many deaths including the death of their first and only friend, they thought that if another life threatening situation occurred they wouldn't be scared to die for the cause, but now that they're faced with a person that is not only stronger than them but could kill them in a second, they're scared of death after so many years of being untouchable.

Miles Deen

One time, my lovely mutual @cyc-chilla once said in a post about wether or not redacted characters get biches, that Frederick only seems to attract extremely shady and terribly shifty dumpster opossum men, and I thought to myself "he absolutely does"

So Miles Deen was born.

If you identify as a garbage dwelling raccoon trash goblin you obviously haven't met Miles

The icon of the two bandaids and the description of "the thrall" doesn't encapsulate him well enough, it should've been an icon of a garbage can and he should've been titled "the trash dweller" if I wanted to be accurate.

Basically, Miles is an informed unempowered guy who was a couple of years ago attacked by a shade, but instead of having all of his life force drained, he only got half of his life force drained and later found out via seer that he would only live to 27 (he's currently 25, 21 when he found out)

He's also homeless because he got kicked out of his parents house after he couldn't find a job due to his clinical depression, so as you can imagine his life wasn't looking too good.

But, he descided to keep living and use the fact that he's going to die young as a motivator to live without fear and also made a bucket list of things he wanted to do before he died.

One of those things was being fed on by a vamp, and that is how he finds himself on Solaire clan territory and is found by Fred. The rest is history.

Fred is convinced he is insane but he kinda likes that about him. Bright eyes does not like him at all.

He somehow always gets himself into trouble and then the clan is forced to protect him in all kinds of batshit situations.

If he was actually on the redacted channel, he'd probably never appear or would maybe be mentioned by name once, just because I descided to make a character for a deleted discontinued series.

Sadly, I think his story probably would end with him dying peacefully in his sleep, since he wouldn't want to get turned and him getting turned would be kinda a stupid thing writing wise since it's kinda stupid to build up the idea of a character dying only to have them live anyway (and his whole character is built on the idea that he's going to die young)

Ezra Solaire

One day, I thought to myself "Christian needs a gay awakening" and so he did.

Ezra is a cayote shifter and part of the Solaire clan, raised by William since birth.

He seems very sweet, and he is but he's also brutally honest.

He'd never let a vamp feed on him (William even set up that you are to be executed if you attempt to feed on him without his permission) but he does donate blood to the clan often. He has so many "I donated blood" stickers.

I imagine he's friends with Darlin', which is how he ended up meeting the Shaw pack

I keep thinking about what his talk with William would be like after the summit, cause it would be absolutely heartbreaking

Because I imagine Ezra was one of the people that wasn't told about the plan, so with Ezra who just wanted a normal life, now learning that the Solaire clan which they already didn't like being in since about 90% of the clan didn't like them, is/is going to become some sort of vigilante assassin squad and also feeling like their relationship with the Shaw pack is destroyed, the place where they actually felt like they had a normal life and a family, I can only imagine how upset they'd be.

But on the other hand, William is like a father to him and he couldn't imagine how it would be to leave him, and he'd also be leaving behind the few people he was close friends with in the clan (like Vincent) and he also wouldn't think it would be right to have William supporting him financially with a house and a job when he was leaving the clan, so he would have not only have his financial and social support cut, but also physical since, I forgot to mention but, he has multiple sclerosis and is disabled, so he sometimes needs a caregiver to help him do everyday tasks (which would usually be by William, Vincent or an assistant William hired). So yeah, I can only imagine how he must feel.

Atlas Madden

Watch out John I'm stealing your name or smth

To be completely transparent, I did create Atlas just to ship him with Scorpius. I know I'm cringe but I'm free

Atlas is a freelancer who works as a healer, but also has an interest in water magic and shifter magic. How is a non-shifter good at shifter magic? He isn't! He likes morphing into a disturbing half wolf half human creature and scaring people in it!

So umm I may have brainstormed Scorpiuses backstory on a whim by accident...whoops...hate when that happens

So going forward any Scorpius lore I drop is my headcannons and not actual lore

I swear this is important to Atlas

Okay so: I imagine that before being captured by close knit Scorpius worked in this kind of strip club where the whole shtick was that incubi were the strippers. The strippers weren't also escorts but if they chose you you could potentially go home with them.

That's how Scorpius and Atlas met.

Atlases friends brought him to this strip club mostly as a joke and Atlas was kinda uncomfortable the whole time.

Until he caught Scorpiuses eye, who then decided to enact his flirt persona and bring him home.

After that, Atlas eventually became his charge and they would meet every so often.

They both agreed for no strings attached, Scorpius didn't really like hookup culture but needed to get energy one way or another, but Atlas wanted him to know that he respected him as a person and wanted them to be at least friends.

One day, Atlas pushed the friendliness a little too far and Scorpius told him that he doesn't need to try to appeal to him so he could feel like a good person. Atlas got offended by this because he really just wanted to be nice, not because he wanted to pat himself on the back.

An argument ensued and Scorpius left without getting an energy feeding. He went on, trying to find somebody else to feed on, and that is when he gets tricked and captured by close knit. With no way to communicate to Atlas, Atlas believes Scorpius left him for good.

I have a lot more planned out for them but that takes place after Scorpius leaves the basement, which as you can see he hasn't yet, so I'm obviously waiting til that happens so I'm not writing lore for something that hasn't happened yet.

So um yeah

#redacted oc #redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 5 months

Note

Would Death note change if Light had an identical twin? In one hand, Light would not share anything as he didn't with his family. But if the twin was closer to a clone (as with the Bella twins discussed in this blog), it would make things significantly harder for Light. I don't know if they would be able to make a long alliance, given their pride, but what do you think?

The horrible post anon's referencing.

Interesting. Not much would change but we'd get even more family drama.

The Thing About Light and Kira

Light didn't decide to become Kira until after he'd accidentally killed using the Death Note. At which point, he decided a) because he was a murderer b) because that murder in his eyes was justified and the world was a 'better' place he had to go all in. Before that point, he was bored yes, but it took him about a day to decide to kill every heinous criminal he possibly could (at which point Ryuk became very impressed and interested).

So even an alien experiment Light Yagami clone from birth who is identical in every way would not be Kira just because the other Light is Kira. From what we see in the Yotsuba Arc, Light without having take the step to kill himself and decide to become Kira, from an outsider's perspective, thinks Kira is fucking insane and heinous and absolutely should be stopped.

Which is where twinny mc twin comes in.

The Other Thing About Having Two Light Yagamis

Light in canon is the first born son. There's Sayu, yes, but she's several years younger than him and it's established early on that Light is extremely brilliant and that Sayu while sweet is normal. Light adores his little sister and were it not for Kira they'd have maintained a great relationship (as it is, Light distances himself from his family and something truly awful happens to Sayu, but he never stops caring about her).

However, Light now has a twin and they are equal on every level. Light is highly competitive and a perfectionist and so I imagine while he loves his twin (as he's extremely family oriented as a character) there's also a lot of tension and a complicated relationship as both feel they have to be the best and out do the other.

We're not talking about people who are each other's best friend, confidante, or even get along all that well beyond the nebulous idea of being closely related.

Even if Light were so inclined, this isn't someone he'd want to confide in and someone he'd be extremely wary of.

What Does Twin Know?

As you note, Light takes great pains to keep his family in the dark. His father dies believing Light isn't Kira as Light had gone to great lengths so he was not technically owner of the notebook when his father viewed him with the eyes.

Sayu and Sachiko who had no direct involvement in the case were kept very in the dark about the case details and investigation.

Remember also the reason Light was able to track the investigation so closely was that he hacked his father's computer and was looking at files directly from the NPA homicide division. Soichiro was extremely tight lipped about details and never revealed to what extent he (and later Light) were involved in the Kira case. The family could figure out the answer was "heavily" but it was nothing outright said and god knows what Sayu and Sachiko were told about that time Light disappeared for several months with no contact, no appearances at his university, and was not able to call home.

I doubt it was "a detective has handcuffed him to himself and is unrelentingly convinced he's a serial killer".

And note that later Light has as much information as he has because he 'joins' the task force. By that point, the general NPA had been cut out and Light no longer had useful police files on the investigation.

Point being, twin has very limited information.

Light Becomes Kira, Twin Does Not

So, we start off in canon. Twin notices Light behaving strangely for a few days but doesn't think much of it. Light's always been fairly solitary and being locked up in his room after school isn't... too weird.

It's not immediately obvious what's happening, either, as people at first did not put together the connection of Kira and then didn't want to put together the connection of Kira. It wasn't until Lind L. Taylor that Kira went from internet urban legend and weird coincidence to either a) a god like being having it out for the wicked or b) a human criminal psychic who has a very terrifying talent.

I imagine twin is dubious at the initial rumors pre the broadcast, while also being somewhat :/ about the coincidences. Twin doesn't know how bad it is, as twin only sees the news at this point which I imagine is censoring just how many are dying of heart attacks of all things, but it's still enough to be weird.

Then Lind L. Taylor happens and "what the fuck" is twin's initial response. Twin doesn't suspect Light, because that's insane and Light's not a psychic or vengeful god, but is instead just reeling from the fact that Kira exists and is doing this.

Twin is absolutely in support of their father being directly involved in the case and itching to be on the case themselves and dying that they're too young. I imagine they talk to Light about it (where Light has to act his little heart out) and both agree that they have to get into the homicide division as soon as possible to help catch this motherfucker.

"Oh well, hopefully L will manage it before that point," twin muses, as realistically that'll be another several years.

"YEAH, HOPEFULLY," Light says.

Twin won't internally notice anything's amiss for some time (as after the initial mental breakdown Light did a fantastic job pretending that everything was fine/not changing his behavior patterns) but then the FBI agents show up. Now, Light noticed he was followed in part because of a) Ryuk b) he was expecting this sort of thing. Twin may not notice, but if they do, I imagine they start wigging out because why are what are clearly government/police following them around. If they notice, twin probably confronts Light (not wanting to worry Sayu and Sachiko, and not wanting to push things with Soichiro) and Light will either have to a) gaslight b) agree "yeah it totally looks like we're both being followed, what's up with that?" Regardless, twin will notice when Light takes a girl??? to Space Land??? out of nowhere and think it's all very odd because Light doesn't do dates or girlfriends.

Where things could go... potentially sideways as since Light and Twin are the same person on paper--does L know which one's Kira? He never really has a concrete reason to suspect Light specifically. He narrows it down to Japan, a police family, then to the family of those followed by Raye Penber, and settles on Light as his primary suspect but--here's another young teenager, an idealist, who is as brilliant as Light.

L may use his voodoo powers to magically think Light is the correct one but--he may also not be sure which it is or if it's both. In which case Twin is in for a terrible terrible time in the future.

But before this post gets too long, I think I'll say I can see how Light would not be found out by Twin and Twin would either die ignorant or else be horrified and have to be murdered by Light when twin discovers what Light really is.

But I think it'd take some time to figure out or that they never would both because they have limited information, because suspecting Light would be insane, and because Light is their brother and that's a horrible truth to confront/admit.

#death note #death note meta #death note headcanon #light yagami #meta #headcanon #opinion

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fractualized · 11 months

Text

It's the first Tuesday of the month and once again The Man Who Stopped Laughing has brightened my spirits with Issue #9!

Spoilers and police brutality/murder beyond the cut.

Protag Joker passed out last issue but uhhhh apparently got back up again before Killer Croc got free of the barbed wire, because we open with Joker still eluding Croc. However, Croc is not so mad that he's not willing to answer Joker's question and say he attacked Grundy just to protect his territory.

CROCJOKES LIVES

Meanwhile, the Other Joker is near the end of his road trip back to Gotham, but snacks are still a must.

That's slushie all over his hand and face, not blood. JOHN DOE LIVES

When Joker goes back outside, Killer Moth has some commentary on his nonsense with Batman, which I highlight only because I always love when onlookers notice the batjokes dynamic.

Also I lol'd that the coffee becomes a gag.

Again, Joker, this is why you don't have friends. But he will defend his poor dead Mr. Waffles. 🥺

Moth, I hope you pay later for this disrespect!!

ohhhh myyy gooooddd WAFFLEJOKES LIVES HELL YEAH WE ARE STILL IN BUSINESS

After this joyous reveal, we return to the Gotham sewers, where Joker asks Croc why he doesn't believe Protag Joker is the real one. The discussion gets more personal.

Croc just giving real talk about Joker's ability to attract allies… before attacking him, but Joker is quick on his feet.

Meanwhile, time to see what's up with Jason's transfer to Blackgate.

So that's going well! Elsewhere in town…

Joker, you once lost a laughing contest to a pre-teen acrobat. Plenty of dumber things have happened to you.

Joker, are you noticing a running theme about people's feelings about you? Maybe it's because you appear to be wearing a sweater vest over a hoodie. But never no mind, Joker says Scarface is going to help him build an army to fight Other Joker.

And then we're back to Jason and his rescuer, who is not Steph as I assumed last issue.

I don't know anything about Rose Wilson other than that she's Deathstroke's daughter which I googled for this post. I'm not sure if she's sticking around or if Jason is going it alone again.

Three hours later, Protag Joker meets the Ventriloquist at a warehouse.

The comic pulls a little fakeout here. Hatter and Moth didn't switch sides; Other Joker has finally arrived in Gotham, and these are his soldiers.

So nice to see Mr. Waffles up and around. :) He doesn't need to be convinced, unlike Clayface.

Protag Joker is less thrilled.

It's kind of adorable that Joker assumed that his gorilla sidekick was of such renown.

I don't know who to root for anymore. :( Grundyjokes or Wafflejokes?

So there's no TMWSL issue next month. Apparently the Joker issues of Knight Terrors coming out in July and August continue the story from here, per a tweet I saw from Rosenberg. Which Joker will have the nightmare? Perhaps a third one who is the original? Regardless, I'm looking forward to Rosenberg's telling of Joker working in a dull, dull office.

Anyway, the backer this time takes a different tack than the others with who acts as the main character.

I imagine Joker was no longer impressed when he fell to his doom. :(

Jim doesn't believe this, and what comic reader could blame him? Until he takes it to ridiculous lengths.

The question should be settled when Joker's body shows up.

The pivot after "he doesn't have any organs" to "well then this isn't him at all!!" is sending me. But even so, comic villains have pulled off that ruse, so I still have sympathy for Jim here. He loses his job over his obsession, which takes him back to the circus.

I snorted.

RED-NOSE CHASER

Anyway, Gordon sees Gaggy among the clowns and pursues him, which is a dive from humorous to terrifying as Gaggy insists Joker is dead ("they killed him") and looks for a way to defend himself. It ends badly.

Oh, no, Gordon. Batman has had this thought but you're about to do it worse.

And so his obsessive pursuit ends, as he finds the Joker within himself! But haven't we all?

I'm assuming Knight Terrors isn't going to have these backers, and I'll miss them. :( But I'm also assuming Joker's bad dream will include a surreal element that will make up for the absence.

#the man who stopped laughing #joker #my jibber-jabber #spoilers

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bi-bard · 2 years

Text

Grounding - Will Graham Imagine (Hannibal)

Title: Grounding

Pairing: Will Graham X Reader

Word Count: 1,660 words

Warning(s): mentions of Will's instability (this poor ma just needed some genuine help)

Summary: (Season 1) (Y/n) needed to talk to someone about their feelings for Will. After speaking with Alana, (Y/n) feels like there are too many risks in expressing an interest in Will. He doesn't agree with that assessment.

Author's Note: I... love Will Graham. I will continue writing about him until everyone loves him as much as I do.

-----------------------------------

"Hey, Alana," I jogged over to her, falling into step with her. "Can we talk about something?"

"Sure," she nodded.

I pointed toward an empty office. She followed me, letting me shut the door behind her.

"What's going on?"

"I just... I need to say this out loud so it isn't sitting in the back of my mind while I'm working."

"I don't know if that's gonna-"

"Let me believe it," I cut her off. She held her hands up. I paused as I pulled myself together.

"Hey," she touched my arm. "Nothing leaves this room."

"I think I'm in love with Will," I spit out.

Her eyes went wide for a moment. She slowly nodded.

"Sorry-"

"No, no need to apologize," she promised. "That's a big deal."

"I know," I replied.

"I... Can I give you a professional opinion?"

"That's never a good way for a talk to start," I said.

"Will isn't... Will might not be in a position where a relationship would be healthy," she tried to word it as carefully as she could, but I knew what she was referring to.

"I understand," I nodded.

"(Y/n)-"

"I know," I cut her off. "He has nightmares. He gets into the minds of killers for a living, which only fuels the nightmares. He has a lot of trouble with physical touch and eye contact. He has some kind of abandonment issues that probably led to an avoidant attachment style. That's why he takes in more stray dogs than he has friends. Hate to break it to you, Alana, but I studied psychology too. I understand the risks here."

"If you two end up together-"

"There's a chance of us becoming codependent, I know," I stopped her. "I... I don't know what I'm going to do."

"You need to wait for him to heal, " she sighed.

"Yeah, I know."

I ran a hand over my face.

"Anyway," I felt a lump growing in my throat as I tried to blink away any tears, "I just wanted to get that off my chest but thank you for that. Not like I had already been anxious about that exact thing."

"(Y/n)-"

"I'll talk to you later."

I walked out of the room, going to walk down the hall. I saw Will looking at a file as he walked down the hall, so I quickly turned around and walked the other way.

I had managed to work through the day without focusing on Will. It wasn't until that night that I got a phone call from him.

"Hey, what's up," I asked.

"I... found another dog," he confessed. I almost chuckled. He sounded like a guilty child. "He has a collar, but it's late and cold, so I took him in for the night. He's now hiding under my bed, and I wanted to see if maybe he was quicker to trust you."

"Why me?"

"I don't know," he muttered. "You're just trustworthy, I guess."

I grinned and closed my eyes for a moment.

"Okay," I said after a moment. "I'll be there in a bit."

"Thank you."

When I made it to the house, Will was waiting outside.

"Hey," I waved as I walked over. He waved back. "Where's the baby?"

He chuckled, "Under the bed, tucked against the wall."

I nodded and walked inside.

I walked over and laid on my stomach on the floor. I saw a little puppy curled by the wall, shaking.

"Hello," I said quietly. I slowly pushed my hand forward. "Hi. How are you, baby?"

I looked over when Will laid on the ground next to me.

"Don't crowd too close," I warned, turning to the puppy. "Don't wanna overwhelm him."

Will nodded and scooted back a little bit.

"Hi, puppy doggy," I said softly. I held my free hand out to Will. "Give me one of the dog treats."

"I tried to lure him-"

"Will."

He sighed and handed me the treat.

"Here you go," I held a small piece of the treat out to the puppy. "Are you hungry, puppy?"

The dog started sniffing in the direction of the treat. I laid the first piece down on the floor before breaking off another piece and scooting back a little bit.

Soon, the dog had slowly crawled out from under the bed.

"Hello," I said, offering the last piece of the treat. I let the dog sniff my hand before I pet him lightly. "You're a sweetheart."

I carefully picked up the dog and he stayed calm.

"What a good puppy," I muttered.

Will carefully reached over and let the puppy sniff his hand.

"You've got a gift," he said.

I chuckled, "I had treats."

"I had treats," he corrected. "You performed a miracle."

"Will Graham believes in miracles," I pretended to be shocked. "Learn new things every day."

He chuckled and looked down.

"I think the other dogs are making him nervous."

"Yeah, I set up the little laundry room for him for the night," Will pointed over to it. "Puppy pads, food, water, and a few towels as a bed. I was just going to keep checking on him every now and then."

"All night?"

"I don't sleep much anyway," he shrugged.

Will helped me stand up without putting down the puppy.

Once we got the dog situated, Will offered me something to drink.

"I'm alright," I shook my head.

"Please," he said. "I dragged you out here. Let me make sure you didn't waste the drive."

"Fine, fine," I nodded. "Tea, please. I've gotta drive."

"The only reason I keep tea in the house is for you," he explained, walking over to his cabinet.

"Oh? You don't drink it?"

"No," he shook his head. "But I know you like it, so I keep it around."

I grinned at his back, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he turned back to me and leaned against the counter.

We both fell silent. I looked around the kitchen. This house always felt too big for Will. The dogs owned the main lounge area, but the rest of it just felt like it was waiting for Will to be comfortable there.

"You're worrying about me," Will noted.

"When am I not," I asked. "You due to try and avoid all my questions."

"I'm fine."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, I wouldn't believe me either," he sighed, looking down for a moment.

"Anything you wanna talk about," I pushed. "Work? Your therapy with Hannibal? Anything?"

He shook his head as he looked at me. Something seemed to shift. Something in his eyes was just different. I tried to pretend I didn't notice it.

"Are you sure?"

There was something. I could almost sense it.

He started taking steps toward me, "No..."

"What," I asked.

"I've... I've started having dissociative episodes," he explained. "I'm missing time, but apparently I look like I'm just fine."

"Any particular situations? Like is there something around you triggering it?"

"I don't know. I don't think so."

He was standing directly in front of me. I chose to try to ignore it, as out of character as it seemed.

"Maybe you should find some kind of anchor," I continued, trying to ignore how close we were. "Something that you can do or have that'll kind of drag you back into the moment? Something grounding."

He nodded, seeming to half-listen as his eyes bounced to different parts of my face.

He leaned in, merely a few inches from me, "Maybe that can be you."

He went to close the gap between us. I stepped back as soon as his lips brushed mine. I looked around the room, wanting to focus on anything other than him.

"I'm sorry," he muttered.

"No, no," I shook my head. "Don't apologize. Please don't apologize."

I ran my hands over my face. I had a million thoughts running through my head. Everything Alana and I had talked about and everything that had happened over the last few weeks.

"I... I can't be the thing that grounds you," I tried to find a way to explain this without sounding like a dick. "I just... I can't. Relying on me like that is only going to end up hurting you."

Will nodded, looking at the ground.

"I want to support you, but I can't be your only anchor, Will."

"I know," he replied.

"I... I really do like you, Will," I said. "A lot. I just don't want to put you in a place to be disappointed. I need you to understand that."

I stepped forward and cupped the sides of his face.

"I understand," he promised, holding my hands in place. "I just want you."

I let out a breath.

He moved my hands from his face so he could rest his forehead against mine. I closed my eyes.

"Please," he muttered.

I leaned in and gently kissed him. My hands moved to grab onto his shirt, pulling him closer. Any hesitation, any pause, any argument about why I should've avoided this was just gone. All that was there was us.

I grinned against his lips when his hands grabbed my sides.

I didn't pull away until I was running out of breath. Will slowly opened his eyes and grinned at me. I let out a breathy chuckle as I looked at my hands. I slowly let go of my grip on his shirt and fixed it, laughing a little at myself.

"I love you," Will said quietly.

I looked back at his face. His eyes were still trained on my face.

"I love you too, Will," I replied.

We stood in silence for a little while longer.

"Will you stay here tonight," he asked. "Please."

I nodded, kissing his cheek lightly, completely forgetting about my lack of any change of clothes.

It was all worth it. Everything that was happening, everything that could happen. It was all worth it. Because we were happy and that's what mattered.

-----------------------------------

Masterlist (Includes links to All Writing Challenges)

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

#hannibal x reader #hannibal fanfiction #hannibal imagine #will graham x reader #will graham fanfiction #will graham imagine #imagine #fanfiction #x reader

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mail-me-a-snail · 4 months

Note

explain your silvervance playlist

let's get to it! this got very. very long. tumblr only allows 30 images per post so expect a part two :3

⭐1.) twin skeleton's (hotel in nyc) - fall out boy

the silvervance playlist kicks off with vance's post act 1 theme--the song that follows him out of the grave and into the next life with johnny in his head.

johnny's engram saved vance; kept his head together even if chunks of the merc's brain matter were slipping through his chrome fingers, in a manner of speaking.

when the relic saved vance's life, it marked him for death, too. jackie might've taken the bullet for him, but death is gonna find vance one way or another.

⭐2.) hysteria - muse

johnny resides within a new, uncooperative body, hates every second of it, and decides to make it vance's problem.

johnny himself has come back to life after 54 years of not-so-eternal death; didn't even know he was dead until he was walking upright again, until he was shocked back to consciousness. but it's not a real life--it's not even his to begin with.

⭐3.) come a little closer - cage the elephant

vance runs through johnny's memories; he gets to see night city's infamous rockerboy for who he really is, who he always has been: a liar, a faker, someone who claims to hate control but wants it, anyway. seeing his memories is as invasive as johnny seeing vance's--but johnny, surprisingly, says come take a look. see who've you've got in your head.

they're in this together, now. there's no going back.

⭐4.) infidel zombie - the dickies

with the theft of the relic and the revival of arasaka's public enemy #1, the megacorp is sending its best out to hunt them down.

after having escaped arasaka thus far, vance is on high alert. it doesn't help, either, that takemura--one of their best guard dogs--will only vow his service to vance as as long as they rescue hanako--the very face of arasaka itself.

⭐5-7.)

meanwhile, johnny and vance are still fighting over ownership of the latter's body. johnny wants one thing, vance wants another, and both of them hate this sense of dual autonomy. but little by little, they're becoming more alike.

my body is a cage - arcade fire / this body means nothing to me - shrimp / mark on you - the mountain goats

⭐8.) psychotic opera - small leaks sink ships

hellman gives them the low-down: vance isn't gonna make it with johnny still in his head. the best he can do is die comfortably.

but alt offers them a possible solution--find her where she resides in mikoshi, deep in the heart of the very tower vance had sworn he would never go back to, and she just might still be able to separate them.

this is the point of the playlist where vance realizes separation may be more painful than what would inevitably happen otherwise. he doesn't understand yet why he feels this way. only that johnny has been with him for some time now, enough time that being without him would feel...odd.

⭐9-10.)

they both have their own regrets about their respective lives, conjoined as they are now. they mourn for what could've, should've been. they mourn for what'll never happen--for the world, maybe, or maybe what'll never happen between them.

what was it johnny said? this is why you don't bring back fallen warriors: sooner or later, they're gonna see everything they fought for's turned to shit.

wish i knew you - the revivalists / all these things that i've done - the killers

⭐11.) granite - sleep token

but things aren't all that bad. vance falling in love with johnny was as inevitable as it was wholly consuming; he had never realized how lonely he had been until the ghost had come along. johnny is one of the only people in the city who understands what it's like to pass through it daily, to never feel your feet on the pavement, to just keep going.

even if the alt cunningham (or an engram of her), has offered them a solution herself, a very small part of vance is afraid it won't work. this is arasaka they're talking about; they'd need a miracle to undo the damage the megacorp has done.

he is afraid of dying.

but if that is how he can be with johnny--

--then he'll take it, even if it's in death.

✨12.) ordinary love (extraordinary remix) - U2

THIS. THIS IS IT. this is THE silvervance theme song. you'll recognize these lyrics as being the title of their fic series. ordinary love is just. it's the song that illustrates how much love johnny and vance have for each other.

vance doesn't want johnny out. he wants both of them to get their lives back--to live the life that was taken from them, together.

⭐13-15.)

in my head, these songs are intercut with various missions. they take place, chronologically, after my fic poltergeist (ie, vance and johnny have established the rocky foundations for their relationship). i think the lyrics speak for themselves.

rain - sleep token / slowly spilling out - saint motel / chokehold - sleep token

part 2 here

#asks #silvervance #WHOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE #this got so fucking long help me #can you tell im normal though. be honest

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burnt-french-nugget · 8 months

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Jeff the killer (Jeffrey Woods) !!rewrite!!

Personal rewrite :3

Hope you like it <3

Jeffrey was born in a small town near New Jersey, living with his parents and brother.

He was a shy boy from the start, always hiding behind his parents when he was young, usually sitting in the corner of the preschool room, playing with a toy car or with the colorful blocks, sorting them by color. His brother, who was born only two years after him, was more social and loved to be around people, greeting them every time he gets. They were almost polar opposites, but they had a few things in common. They became friends with a girl named Jane, who adored the two brothers presence, hanging out with them and caring about them when their parents didn't.

The young man felt happy with his family and only friend, though, things didn't last forever.

His father later lost his job, which only made them move away from their home. Jeff was devastated, since he only had one friend, Jane, and he didn't want to leave her, or his home. He was attached to it, it was all he's known his whole life. The 16 years of his life. But, high school was right around the corner anyways, so it had to happen. But the young man wasn't having it, and cried the whole time was he packed his belongings into boxes. His father got upset when he saw the young man cry, getting all cold and selfish, telling him to be a man and suck it up. He was told to be greateful, since he might be more happy in his new home and neighborhood. Jeffrey forced a smile through his tears, finishing the packing.

They left early in the morning, getting to their destination, which was the city of New Jersey. Jeff had a few unread messaged from Jane, who got worried after she saw that the Woods home was empty, calling her later the same afternoon to calm her down. After the phone call, he just went to his half packed room, lying in his bed and sleeping peacefully.

That Monday, Jeff and Liu started school. The young man was nervous about everything as his brother had to drag him out of his room and new home to get to their new school, which was separated into two buildings, middle school and high school. The only time they've seen each other during school time was when there was lunch, the two back doors of the schools opening to a big area for everyone to hang out in. Jeffrey didn't like that fact, so much so that he skipped classes just to walk up to his brothers classroom window to say 'hello' and just sit nearby to listen into the talking that was happening inside. School wasn't the thing he was good at, even though he seemed smart for being so quiet and observant, so it wasn't a surprise when he started to become troublesome.

His parents weren't so pleased about it, starting to ground him, taking his phone and even going to an extent where they blocked Jane's phone number. Jeff was, once again, heartbroken, crying in his room until he fell asleep. Because of that, he hit the books, thinking he'll get his belonging back with that. It worked once he had decent enough grades, a sense of joy washing over to him once he turned it on the phone after such a long time. But his happy expression turned into a frown when he unblocked Jane, and she weren't answering. 'She's probably too busy with school.' Jeff thought to himself, trying again the next day, and the day after that.. but no answer. She might've changed phone numbers, or phones. Or.. no.. she isn't ignoring him, is she?

He might have just lost his only friend..

A year has passed, and Jeff finally got the courage to talk to other people, socialize and make friends. He was now in a small group of boys: Randall 'Randy', the eldest of the group, Keith, the most energetic one, and Troy, whom was a mystery to crack. Jeff seemed to like the three, hanging out with them every day, soon forgetting about his little brother, and his old friend Jane, now only being with the boys. Finally pleased and happy, Jeff got comfortable around them, and they were comfortable around him. They all looked like douche's from the outside, but Jeff knew them as a bunch of misunderstood guys that would go out in the middle of the night for walks and stargazing. They were a good influence on him, making him smile more and more joyful in general, but at the same time, he lost a lot of sleep by sneaking out for his friends, his grades slipping once more.

His father was getting furious again, slapping his son after he read the grades on the report card. The young man wasn't let to leave the house after he come home from school since then, having to hit the books and only text or call them every once in a while. Their friendship seemed to crumble in some way, the three boys growing distant from Jeff, taking the chance to pick on his little brother. When the younger boy confronted his brother about it, he denied everything, saying that his friends would never do that behind his back. Liu started to come home in bruises, Jeff not even listening to his little brothers plea's, only telling him that he's getting too clumsy lately. Things only got worse for the younger brother..

Only when Jeff saw it himself, then he believed what Liu had told him. Randy was holding the younger man by the collar of his shirt, making him struggle as the three laughed at the boy. He was pushed to the ground, angering his older brother to an extent. Jeff approached them quickly, punching Randy in the face as he shielded his little brother. "What the fuck, man?!" Keith tried to attacked Jeff, but he dodged and kicked him in the abdomen hard, making the young man fall onto the ground. Troy watched it all happen, backing up in fear. They seemed shocked by his behavior, running away from Jeff and his little brother. Jeffrey apologized a lot after that, every few seconds, in fact, but Liu forgave him. Trust and attachment can blind people after all.

After that, Jeff tried his best to avoid the three, his eyes only being on his brother, to protect him from any danger. Though, he couldn't avoid them for long, since he was invited to a neighbors birthday party later that week, and the trio was invited.

Once he and Liu got there, they sat somewhere far from the other three, talking to some other kids that were there. Well, more like Liu did it, since Jeff just sat there, looking like a tough older brother, keeping his silence. His eyes were on the three, making sure they weren't doing anything. Though, he saw that they were sitting there, snickering and giggling like the mischievios boys they were, even sharing glances with Jeff a few times. The more they sat there, the more Jeff realized they were onto something.. something bad.

By the end of the party, the young man finally got his guard down, since nothing happened and it went smoothly, now thinking they were just joking around and teasing him. He approached them again, trying to be more serious, yet trying to befriend them again, though, that didn't sound that much of a good idea to his little brother. Liu stood close to his parents, watching the four closely as they talked. Things started to get heated very quickly, the three starting to attack Jeff after Randy took the first punch. Soon, Troy had something in his hand. It was a kettle, bull of boiling hot water he found from the outside kitchen, Randy and Keith had knives in their hands.

Everything happened so fast, but everyone's attention was drawn to the four young men once Jeff screamed in agony from the boiling hot water hitting his face, his cheeks having gashes from Randy and Keith's attacks.

Some of the parents pinned down the trio as Jeff's family rushed over to the screaming young man, he was crying blood from the damage the boiling water has made, the blood from the gashes staining his clothes into a deep red. His father started to yell for someone to call the police, even multiple slurs and insults towards the three young men, who were struggling while still being pinned. Everything became blurry and muffled for Jeffrey, the only thing he felt was his mothers gentle and comforting embrace, which calmed his nerves a bit, but not too much, since every slight move hurt him quite a lot.

Everything went blank from there..

Jeffrey woke up in the hospital, his head, neck and arms bandaged from the burns and cuts. His mother was sitting there, holding her sons hand as she gently rubbed her thumb across his hand, her face filled with worry. Liu and his father were asleep on the couch in his hospital room, seemingly being the ones awake the whole night, his family doing shifts until he woke up.

He was hospitalized for 3 weeks, then his bandages came off, revealing his scarred and now slightly disfigured face. The doctors tried to make his face look normal while he was still out cold, and yet his jaw was now a bit crooked, a sharp pain hitting him when he tried to show emotion. His eyelids were hard to close, it was painful, and yet it was like they couldn't be controlled. He tried to smile, but his face hurt and his smile was crooked now as well. A few bloody tears ran down his cheeks when he realized that he was now supposed to get used to this.. look.. for the rest of his life. His vision was now damaged, so he was now supposed to use glasses to see. All thanks to Randy, Keith and Troy.

The night they came home, Jeffrey was quiet, going to his room and refusing to come out of there.

In the middle of the night, Jeffrey came out of his room, waking up his mother in the process. He was in the bathroom, slicing a smile on his cheeks, ear to ear. It was painful, and he was crying. "I can smile now.."

He turned around to see his mother, who screamed in terror. Jeff, without another thought, attacked her, killed her on the spot. The young man ran to his parents bedroom, where his father stood in front of the bed, shocked, scared and yet heartbroken.. of what his son had become. Jeff killed him as well, going to his little brothers room last. He crept there, seeing that his brother was sound asleep, holding a small bear plush in his embrace. His eyes softened a bit, he couldn't kill him. Since he knew Liu was a heavy sleeper, he wrapped his little brother in a blanket and quickly dressed in something else, putting a mask on his face he made a while back. Blood dripped down from the gashes he just made to his face, but he picked up his brother anyways, putting him on the backseat of the car and drove away with him.

That morning, the two members of the Woods family were found dead, while the two children were now reported missing.

Later that week, multiple fires happened in the neighborhood. Randy, Troy and Keith's houses were set ablaze, with the whole family's trapped inside, everyone presumed dead. A month afterwards, the Richardson family was found dead in their home, brutally murdered. The only survivor was Jane Richardson, who was burned by getting set on fire by unknown substance and went missing once she was in greater health and escorted out of the hospital.

Key words: Friendship, betrayal, bullying, burns, car runaway, missing report

A B O U T

Name: Jeffrey Vincent Woods

Alias: Jeff, 'The Smiley Killer', burnt nugget

Age(current): 26 years old

Gender: male, he/him

Nationality: American

Ethnicity: French

Personality: Not much of a talker, he's more observant. Jeff tries to avoid any type of socializing with people, but there are a few ones he find 'acceptable', like his brother, or Jane, who he still sees as a close friend. He's unpredictable, so you'll never know what he'll say or do either as a reaction or something else. He likes to be mysterious, usually known to just stare at a person for minutes at a time until his eyes start to hurt and he has to put some drops in them. All in all, creepy with a tough exterior. He no longer shows any weakness in front of people, not even Liu, trying to remain stoic and 'brave'. He's actually insecure about how he looks now, sometimes hiding in his hoodie for warmth and comfort, so he makes sure he's alone when he undresses himself in fear of him being made fun of or getting a look of disgust from someone. He has a soft spot for children and animals, but doesn't show it often.

Appearence: About 6 feet tall, long brown and black hair that frames his face, his eyes were a beautiful blue, but now they're a cold grey color with a tinge of madness present. His face is scarred, from water to fire burns, to the gashes he's made from that faitful night. Usually dressed in monotone colors, black, in shades of grey and white, nothing else, all baggy that cover his body completely. He wears a handmade mask he's made for himself, to cover the damage the trio had caused.

Family:

Martha Anabel Woods (Deceased)

Fredrick George Woods (Deceased)

Luis Liu Woods (Alive)

Ally/Allies and relationships:

'Homicidal' Liu (little brother) - Loves and cares about him to death, he makes sure to let him know he cares in different ways but not by words or showing his emotions, will make sure he's safe and sound and would take a bullet for him

Weapon of choice: different types of knives, preferably switchblades

Jane 'Everlasting' (friend) - he has grown slightly detached from her, but he still cares, showing it in different ways, tough, he tries not to show it often since he's still slightly upset with her not responding to him

Emory 'The Savage' Woodgrip (ally) - they met in the woods one day and he just decided they are chill, she's basically another idiot he has to secretly look after (he doesn't mind that). They sometimes share a pack of cigarettes in silence.

Enemy/Enemies: Nina 'the killer' Hopkins - crazy af fan (he's both angry and terrified of her existence)

Hobby/Hobbies: Committing murder, making masks and feeding stray dogs (If that's even a hobby)

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2x4plank · 10 months

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Stepping out of my despair from finishing Season One and I will now talk about Episode Two (my favorite) and then three.

Episode Two is so funny to me. First of all, Mark comes out of nowhere (probably because his introduction would be too boring). He was so enthusiastic to go to the dairy like a kid on Christmas or maybe a man with little to no food finally getting the chance to eat. But he doesn't know the golden rule: never be excited for anything or you might end up being 50% dinner.

Kenny and Lily's squabbles are silly. On one hand, I understand Lily's concerns about food completely, but I think the perfect middle ground is giving the newcomers help and then making decisions about food later. You should help anyone within your power, I believe...even if they do come from some rich private school that can afford to have names stitched into clothing and one of them is as dumb as he is tall.

Kind of unrelated, I love that Lily has an indicator whistle and training routines. In fact, I liked her until what happened in Episode Three.

I knew the St. Johns were cannibals right off the bat or at least killers (those were some suspect camera angles on those biscuits), but they make sure to distract you with the bandit business. The thing was, I didn't know the extent of it. I didn't know "Mark [was] upstairs with NO LEGS!"

The buildup was concise and enjoyable. I love farms/rural areas in survival horror games, so spending most of the episode there was a great choice.

I'm keeping the running joke that Andy was a serial cannibal due to his low social battery, but he probably did get drained by having all those people around. He seems "kind" upfront but when you keep talking to him, he slowly becomes increasingly standoff-ish and it's amusing (if a little scary, as someone who is deathly afraid of being yelled at) to watch him get annoyed at Lee and Kenny's antics--especially when you screwed with the generator. He totally knew they were going to keep messing with that door.

Speaking of Kenny, I suggest Berleezy's playthrough after beating this episode. I completely felt it when he said, "This man Kenny don't do NO WORK!" because I felt so abandoned when Kenny leaves you to open the farm door yourself. You said you'd back me up, man!

Danny on the other hand is...probably the "dumber" sibling? He seems like the one who is better at taking orders than giving them, and in the end, he seemed totally committed to the whole cannibalism bit. Like that man was fully ready to get eaten--he had his heart in it. And that is...I don't know if I'd say commendable?

Finally, Brenda. Uh, she's a single mother running an entire dairy with her two son's help. That's hard. She seems able to make peace with cooking people, but not killing them, which she leaves her kids to do. I love the part when you call her out on their misdeeds and she's like, "That's not a very nice thing to imply. :(" YOU FED US OUR BEST FRIEND! If she was able to disguise human meat as barbecue, then she must be a mean cook though... Prpbably got some sweet and tangy saucy Cajun magic. I'm not gonna lie, even with all the shouting, I'd probably be gobbling like Duck.

But anyway, after dinner, you get locked in a meat locker with a very angry Larry and a good portion of your gang. And again, I'm not gonna lie...I was so inwith the salt lick plan. I think him turning was incredibly dangerous and while it is scarring to Lily, what has to be done has to be done. I was surprised to see so many people choose otherwise because my brain was committed to Clementine's safety. It would've been way too inconvenient to kill him when he turned, so doing it while he was down seemed to be the best and only plan to me. And also it was worth it for the opening in Episode Three where Kenny is like, "Lily isn't doing too well. 🤔"

"Well, we killed her dad."

"We did kill her dad."

And lastly, we have the showdown. When you sneak up on Danny, you find him talking to himself about how he's treated lesser and how he thought he gave Mark enough morphine to lay him out, which ignores the elephant I'm the room: they've been turning guys into brisket. Danny is 50% responsible for making Mark 50% Mark. Then, he moves on to excitedly talking to the cow about his evil plans for trapping escapees before getting caught in his own trap.

Andy is the villain-villain. I love when you tell him, "You brought this on yourself!" And he's says, "Uh-uh!" and throws it back to you like you're the guy that made homies a part of your food pyramid. Like he keeps coming back to the gas. This is all because of gas. I don't know, when most people find that gas is unobtainable due to the price skyrocketing they don't end up holding a ten-year-old at gunpoint. Something to think about.

He's also maxed out the skill of talking trash while he's down. Lee literally beat him past good sense, apparently.

Anyway, 11/10 episode. I should mention I'm partial to cannibal storylines (see: Baker Family), especially when they involve family. They're just fun!

#twdg #twdg spoilers #twdg s1 #twdg andy #twdg danny #twdg brenda #2x4plank essay post

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notwarriorswiki · 1 year

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Did Mudclaw see his son fighting for the dark forest in the great battle? I know you said Swallowtail saw Antpelt but did other cats who knew him also saw him? What are his family's reactions? I can imagine that Morningflower thought her son was in Starclan so seeing him fighting against the clans must have been a shock for her.

Many of WindClan saw him, but I think the most notable are Morningflower and Leaftail (his mom and brother in my rewrite). Breezepelt and Heathertail, and also Harespring and Kestrelflight of course just by being related to Onestar, are also pretty big facets in Antpelt's demise.

Let me start with Mudclaw - this'll probably need a separate post but essentially Mudclaw isn't there because his spirit is inside Sedgewhisker and she is away traveling with Willowshine to the forest territories to sever the connection at the Moonstone, so he doesn't see his son during the Great Battle. He knows of Antpelt's demise because he has been with Sedgewhisker since she was born, and therefore Antpelt's relations with the Dark Forest are no secret to him. It's truly devastating for him to see his son's downfall, but there is truly little he can do. He does confide in Sedgewhisker and tell her of his life, who he lost, and his regrets.

Morningflower and Leaftail are horrified and devastated, questioning why Antpelt would want to hurt their clanmates. Antpelt insists that once this is over, Leaftail can stand as WindClan's leader, just like how it was meant to be. It should never have been Onestar and his son, but Mudclaw and his. He would right the wrongs of StarClan turning against his father. Leaftail attacks his brother's spirit, insisting this was wrong, and that Antpelt was crazy, Morningflower just horrified seeing her two sons fight in this way. Leaftail does manage to beat back Antpelt's spirit, begging his mother to safety while cursing the Dark Forest for poisoning his brother's mind. Harespring later choosing Leaftail to be his deputy even despite their differences is meant to be a bridge that shows Harespring acknowledging Mudclaw, and that both their fathers made some terrible decisions, but that didn't change their duty to WindClan.

I mention Breezepelt and Heathertail as well because Antpelt frames Breezepelt for Ashfoot's death, and Breezepelt is exiled for a period of time, much to Nightcloud and Heathertail's horror. Crowfeather doesn't step in to defend his son, another low blow, but Heathertail tries to leave with Breezepelt and stand with her best friend. However, Onestar and Harespring forbid her from leaving and she is a prisoner in her own clan. Harespring tries to make his sister "see reason" as he had seen Breezepelt in the Dark Forest, so it wasn't entirely out of the question, but Heathertail insists Breezepelt would never kill Ashfoot. Breezepelt is a rogue up until the Great Battle, where he returns to fight alongside his clan. Even before the battle he helps Pebblefoot's group pass through the tunnels to go undetected by their clanmates when they head towards the gorge to find the Whispering Cave.

It takes awhile for Harespring to come around, convinced Breezepelt was the killer. When Antpelt is killed in his sleep through his Dark Forest training and the clan insists it was Breezepelt, Harespring brings Kestrelflight with him to help track down the tom and get answers. After all, Kestreflight would be able to say how Breezepelt felt with his Perspective ability. Upon finding him, the group speaks, and Kestrelflight is able to see how much Breezepelt misses Heathertail, as well as his genuine shock hearing Antpelt was dead. At this point Harespring and Kestrelflight loosely loop in Breezepelt on what's been going on, and their trust is reestablished. After the Great Battle, Breezepelt is welcomed back to WindClan, his name cleared, and him and Heathertail become mates.

#warrior cats #art #po12 #antpelt #mudclaw #morningflower #leaftail #kestrelflight #heathertail #harestar #breezepelt #ashfoot #onestar #nightcloud #crowfeather #sedgewhisker #au #rewrite

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cyberphuck · 9 months

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So, about the story of how I met my dad and why I love him so much

@qthewhatever asked me to talk about my dad, how he became my dad, and our relationship. I thought this was going to be a fun jaunt through good memories, with maybe a few grateful tears along the way. But the story of why my dad is so special to me can't be told without the context of why my mother *isn't* special to me, and the stark difference between how he treats me, and how I was treated by her. The cliff's notes version (do they even have those anymore?): Dad became my dad kind of by accident, when Seb and I started "pretending" to be siblings in order to be able to rent a room together. Dad is Seb's dad, so it follows that since I'm Seb's sibling, Dad is my dad too. Then he just... fell into the role, because dads gotta dad. He is always proud of me, no matter what, and no matter how badly I fuck something up he could never, ever stop loving me. He cares about me and doesn't get annoyed by the ups and downs of my moods. He lets me cry when I need to. He lets me take a break when I need to. He loves me, *really* loves me, so totally and completely that even though we look absolutely nothing alike, no one who has ever seen us together doubts that he's raised me from birth. That's not what it was like with my mom. I only got so far through recounting her decades of abuse before I found that I couldn't do it anymore. I'm still going to post what I have, because I think other people should read it and maybe become comfortable talking about their abuse *as* abuse and not "I'm sure I was doing something wrong somehow, and it was my fault they were always so angry at me." Also, I spent a long time working on it. This is not a happy story. trigger warnings: child abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, mental illness, mentions of suicide, mentions of self harm, mentions of various serial killers, mentions of psychiatric hospitals, autism portrayed in a negative tone, fatphobia, and brief mentions of drugs and drug use. (this story is also not complete; it stops when I'm around 27, but I added an epilogue.)

My family had been in various financial situations throughout my childhood, but I was raised upper middle class, which was the same tax bracket that my mom had been raised in. My biodad, Ichiro (Dave) left when I was three, and I saw him once ten years later and then never again. So mom raised my older brother Nick and I by herself (except for a 3 year stint with Chris the Coke Addict Who's Dead Now) up until I was thirteen.

I'll admit I was not an easy kid to raise. I was (and still am) weird and awkward and autistic and prone to oversharing with strangers as well as long crying spells over seemingly low-importance things. Nick was also sensitive and somewhere on the spectrum, but it was me who was the loud one, the hyper one, the one who people politely said was a "late bloomer" and "marched to the beat of their own drummer" (at one point my mom told me I was "marching backwards.") I refused or forgot to eat so often that at six I became malnourished enough to warrant a visit by CPS. I was always being called into the principal's office for doing weird shit at school, like making potions out of shampoo and throwing them at passing cars or lion-roaring at boys I didn't like or whatever. When I got sick, I got VERY sick, like the time I straight up got Scarlet Fever and almost died, or the time I had a fever so high I started convulsing, or the lots of times that I had to do fasting blood draws every month because I had a very low red blood cell count and no one could figure out why.

Bottom line I was very weird. Mom was weird too, my grandparents were weird, but they knew how to "show" in public. I didn't. Nick's nickname for me was "The Spaz." Worse, I constantly craved attention and had absolutely no concept of Stranger Danger (I still kind of don't), and the year I was born, Richard Ramirez was active and killing in Southern California where my mom and Dave lived. In 1992, Jeffrey Dahmer was arrested and his apartment full of chunks of Milwaukee's queer community was broadcasted all over the news. In 1978, when my mom was a young woman, Mary Vincent was attacked by a man who picked her up while hitchhiking. He assaulted her and then attacked her with a hatchet, cutting both her arms off above the elbow. She has hooks for hands now.

To keep me by her side and not wandering around out in the open, mom told me about all this. Everything-- that Dahmer was killing and eating people, that Ramirez tortured and murdered people, and how Mary Vincent had asked a strange man for a ride and now she had no arms. There's a scene in the beginning of *A Time to Kill* by John Grisham where a young black girl is being raped and tortured by two white men. It's a page or two long, but very graphic, and when I was eight my mom sat me down and made me read it to show me what could happen to me if I went anywhere alone.

At the time, we lived in Lausanne, Switzerland, which is not exactly a hotbed of violent crime.

All that aside, I was a cute kid and a good-looking teenager. I was adorably freckly with never-neat red hair, and then grew into a curvy teen with long red hair and wore cute clothes. Mom bragged to people that I was an author and an artist, and she would often tell me that she loved how 'cool' I was. (cool, in this sense, meant wearing the clothes she bought me and not styling my hair in any way she found ugly. She often pointed out ugly people on TV or on the street, and say something like 'I'm glad YOU don't dress like that.')

I was smart-- I didn't get good grades because I could never get around to doing my homework, but I scored high on tests and most teachers liked me. I wasn't one of the popular kids, but I was always the leader of whatever little gang I was in, deciding where we went and what we did, and mom loved that, too. And she really, *really* wanted me to go into medicine.

Junior and senior year was where it all started to fall apart.

Mom's husband is a veteran with severe PTSD. 2001 - 2005 were the worst years with him; he was overbearing at the best of times and the fact that he was a boomer from Brooklyn and I was a millenial from LA really didn't help us see eye to eye. But he had a hair trigger and would back me against a wall to loom over you and scream in your face. Nick, who was taller and angrier than me, would scream back. Once, Nick was sent to the store for parmesan cheese and came home with the powder kind in the green can instead of the tub of the fancy grated cheese, and the resulting shouting match almost ended in a fist fight.

My depression started getting really bad when I was 17. By 18, I started self-harming, and for the first time had the thought that if I died, if I was gone and were nothing, everything would be better. I also had my first hospitalization.

I'm at 21 inpatient psychiatric stays now.

Worse, I was an adult now and had not transferred gracefully from high school to college (to go into medicine, nothing else was enough for her). I didn't even have a graduation-- I tested out of school in early 2003 and the only pomp and circumstance I got was a half-sheet of paper with 'CALIFORNIA HIGH SCHOOL PROFICIENCY EXAMINATION' printed on it. I had gained a lot of weight, partly due to meds and partly from depression and post-school downtime. She told me my hair looked like a rat's nest and once remarked to her husband, 'look at the size of her!' I no longer wore cute clothes and was not actively trying to turn my art or writing into a profitable career.

Mom and her husband told me that I absolutely had to go back to school again, or they'd kick me out. The closest community college was two counties away (counties in California are really big). They told me they'd only take me to the nearest bus stop (still an hours' drive) and then I'd have to take a three-hour bus ride to the campus. The absolute earliest bus left at six am, which meant that I could only take classes starting at 10 am, and then had to leave by 2 pm to take the bus back home (the return bus did go all the way back to my area, but didn't run as often).

They treated my trek back and forth to campus every day not with pride or pity, but contempt, as in "this is what you get for not succeeding." I had two more hospital stays.

After a particularly bad episode with mom's husband where he tried to force his way through a door and I had to climb out a window to get to neighbor's house and call 911, I moved out to stay with Nick, who had left about a year earlier. I was determined to be an adult and build a life for myself, but my depression and self-harming got steadily worse, and though I had several jobs and tried to go to college, every few months I'd do some serious damage to myself and end up back in the psych ward, pushing all my plans back to zero.

Nick moved in with his girlfriend, leaving me to shoulder the rent on our room on my own. I managed for about six months, but I couldn't stay at any job for long. I went to live with Skittle, where my depression took such a nosedive that a lot of nights were just spent huddled in a ball and sobbing. I felt worthless. I felt like I was nothing.

Skittle and I broke up, and with nowhere to go, I moved back in with my mom. There were short periods thereafter that I would move out again, but basically, after I turned 23, I didn't get away from her again for five years.

Mom was never really happy with me again. I helped out wherever I could, going with her to the ranch where her horses were and volunteering to do all the dirty or hard tasks so she could have more time to ride. I did not and still do not like horses and have no interest in riding them. I went to make her happy. I wanted to do whatever I could to make her like me.

(Mom's ranch friends loved me, because I had been taught to show well in public. With them, I was witty and hard-working, and so sweet to come there to help my mom. Didn't I want to get on a horse, just once? No?)

I brought my mom breakfast and her meds when she woke up, so she could lay in bed while they took effect instead of having to hobble to the kitchen. I did chores around the house. I took the laundry to the laundromat twice a week, and brought them home clean and folded. I walked the dogs and took them to the park.

My mom told me that I was a draw on finances. I started cleaning houses, and eventually lucked into a job cleaning weed for a hefty sum of money. I made enough money in one three-day weekend to buy my own car, which was a good thing since mom's truck was repossessed not long after. I'd gotten the trimming job in November. I sometimes stayed over at the weed guy's house so I could do two or three days of trimming in a row. In December mom told me that all I cared about was money.

Early the next year, my boss was between sales, so he was late paying me. I owed my mom two hundred dollars (I can't remember for what), and she treated me with open hatred for every day I didn't have it. Bitter and upset, I posted something on facebook to the effect of "does anyone know where I can find two hundred dollars so my mom will love me again?" Mom saw it and sent me a message:

"you want to play this game? better not call for a while I better not see you for a while. a person must learn to keep family business private [Jaydee]."

I also got:

“Just sit there and pretend you’re not here.”

“I’m trying to reminisce about happier times, before all this.”

“You know you think it’s all about you, but I had your brother first.”

“If you don’t like the things I say to you, leave and find someplace with someone nicer.”

“Go get a shrink and figure out why you’re like this all the time.”

[epilogue: the next year, I was planning to commit suicide because I saw no other way out. Seb offered to let me stay with him in Texas; my options were Texas, or death. I pondered that for a while. A few weeks later, I got a refund of a Pell Grant from my college that they'd mistakenly taken two years earlier. Mom and her husband made it expressly clear that as soon as the money hit my account, I was to hand it over to them. Instead, I bought a plane ticket, pulled out the rest of the money in cash, wiped my ass with her husband's face towel, and snuck out with two suitcases in the middle of the night. I had left a note for mom saying I didn't want to be abused anymore and told her I was going to stay with a friend in Central California to throw her off my trail. I also told her that if she ever tried to find me, or bothered any of my friends to get information, I would put all of her secrets and records of her abuse on facebook for all her friends and relatives to read.

I didn't see her or speak to her again for nearly ten years, until this May. Then I flipped her off.]

#tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw verbal abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw mental illness #tw suicide mention #tw self harm #tw depression #tw mental hospital #tw fatphobia #tw my mom sucks

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puterboy1 · 11 months

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Comparing Chirin from Chirin no Suzu/Ringing Bell with other characters

Many commentators have compared and contrasted Chirin from Takashi Yanase's storybook Chirin's Bell with Bambi from the Felix Salten novel of the same name (I won't say Walt Disney because Salten made the character first), but there is little to connect the two animals other than being cute quadrupeds who lose their mothers to a vicious villain. For one thing, their stories and ultimate fates are complete opposites and they do not end up becoming the very thing that took their parents away from them. Here are a list of characters that fit Chirin better than Bambi, just to clear up some misconceptions.

Anakin Skywalker (later Darth Vader) is the first person I compared Chirin to; both turned to the dark side after losing their mothers and sought vengeance on their murderers. One key difference is that Anakin already kills the Tusken Raiders (like what Woe did to Chirin's family in the book) and this story is what if Anakin became a Tusken Raider to avenge Shmi. But since he is already a Jedi, that ship has sailed. It isn't until Episode III that he finally becomes Darth Vader and Chirin's wool is just as black as his armor. Another key difference is that Palpatine was manipulating Anakin into betraying the Jedi while Woe just simply gave him the harsh truth of the world and with this knowledge, Chirin became corrupted. Another similarity is that Chirin idolizes Woe the same way Anakin idolizes Palpatine because he thinks he's better than the other Jedi (or the other sheep), looking up to him enough to agree with everything he says and this seals their doom. Unlike Vader however, Chirin is not redeemed by his son (even if he had one), but like Vader, he realizes that his quest to save Padme (in Chirin’s case, a quest for revenge) was all for nothing and he is stuck as a robotic monstrosity. Another Star Wars character is Darth Revan, who started as a Jedi, then a Sith and finally became somewhere in between, just like Chirin. Chirin could also be compared with Galen Marek from the video game *The Force Unleashed*, growing up and training under his father's killer, then turning to the light. Unlike Chirin, however, he dies. Obi-Wan Kenobi could not have put it better: "You've allowed this dark lord to twist your mind until you've become the very thing you swore to destroy" and this applies to both Chirin and Anakin.

Elphaba Thropp from the book and musical Wicked shares similar ambitions with Chirin in seeking power, becoming failure heroes and ending up becoming a horrible monster (Chirin became a wolf-like ram, Elphaba became the Wicked Witch of the West). Some of the songs from the musical version of *Wicked* seem to fit well with Chirin. "The Wizard and I" fits with Chirin's ambitions of being Woe's partner, while "Defying Gravity" resonates with his passion of becoming a greater force while "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished" represents Chirin's feelings at what he has done. The song also could provide an alternate interpretation to the ending where Chirin decides to live up to his reputation as a monster, just as Elphaba did to the denizens of Oz. Glinda, the book/show's deuteragonist could also be a representation of Chirin's mother's spirit trying in vain to bring him back to the light. Like Elphaba, they express heartbreak over losing their loved ones (Fyero and Wor) in the climax, but unlike Elphaba, the only ending Chirin gets is worthy of the real Wicked Witch of the West.

Eren Yeager from Attack on Titan also has an all too familiar story. Chirin's mom was eaten by Woe, Eren's mom was eaten by a Titan. For this, they became determined to become stronger, but while Eren joins the Survey Corps, Chirin joins Wor and they both end up becoming the very things they swore to kill. There are two key differences, though: Chirin's transformation is motivated by revenge and a desire to prove himself as a predator (in the Sanrio adaptation, he is manipulated by Woe), while Eren's is motivated by a desire to protect his friends and his people from the Titans. Additionally, Eren's story takes place in a much larger and more complex world, with political intrigue and a wide range of characters with their own motivations and agendas.

Thorfinn Thorsson from The Vinland Saga was raised by the man who killed his father (Woe in this version is Askeladd) and is probably more accurate than Eren because I've other commentators make similarities between him and Chirin. However, as Thorfinn's story progresses, he undergoes a significant transformation. He starts to question his own motivations and realizes that his pursuit of revenge has consumed him and caused him to lose sight of what's truly important. This realization leads him to start seeking a different path, one that's focused on building a better future rather than avenging the past. While there are similarities between Thorfinn and Chirin in terms of their initial motivations and desire for revenge, Thorfinn's story is much more complex and nuanced, with a wider range of characters and themes. Additionally, while Chirin's transformation is largely physical, as he becomes a stronger predator, Thorfinn's transformation is more internal and psychological. Unlike Chirin however, Thorfinn is unsuccessful at killing Askeladd (Canute kills him for him) and when he does die, Thorfinn feels just like Chirin: empty.

Bruce Wayne/Batman from the DC Comics universe is also an accurate example. Like Chirin in the Lyrica and kamishibai adaptations, plus the very first version of the story found in Takasih Yanase's Twelve Pearls, he loses both of his parents. But while Chirin was consumed by vengeance and trained under Woe, Batman did his best to keep his emotions in check and was trained by a great deal of masters. Chirin's adult form is just as terrifying as Batman's costume in the eyes of his enemies. Like Batman, Chirin does confront Joe Chill, the man who murdered his parents, but the gangster ends up getting killed by his own men. Chirin also has some similarities with Batman sidekick Jason Todd, who started as Robin, then he and his mother were murdered by the Joker and he came back as the Red Hood to avenge her death.

Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride. Obvious reasons but with a more comical effect.

Ken Amada from Persona 3 also lost his mom to a monster and sought revenge on her murderer. Both characters also undergo transformations as a result of their experiences. Chirin becomes a fierce predator, while Ken becomes a Persona user and gains the ability to fight against the Shadows. However, there are also some key differences between the two characters. Chirin's story is more about his personal journey and transformation, while Ken's story is more closely tied to the overarching plot of *Persona 3*. Additionally, Ken's transformation is not solely driven by revenge, but also by a desire to protect his friends and to make a positive difference in the world. Not to mention the fact that Ken understood that revenge will not bring his mother back while Chirin does not outright say this out-loud.

Jack Marston from Red Dead Redemption is also another similarity. Lost their dads and sought revenge on the persons who murdered him. At least Jack is more sociable then Chirin though.

Hope Estheim from Final Fantasy XIII. Same as Ken, but fails to exact his revenge and looks up to Snow as a father figure, just like Chirin and Woe, but on a sweeter level.

Clay Lincoln from Mafia III. Like Chirin from the book and other literary adaptations, he loses his family to a criminal and spends the entirety of the game teaming up with other criminals to take over New Orleans. Like Chirin, he even questions his actions after killing the mob boss and the guy seems perfectly willing to let Clay kill him.

Ichigo Kurosaki from Bleach is a more heroic version of Chirin that aligns more accurately with the Bambi comparison. After losing his mother, he too gains power in the form of seeing the supernatural, whereas with Chirin, it's becoming stronger and that is what Ichigo does. Had Chirin protected his flock in the aftermath of the story from afar, then he would be more in tune with Ichigo's desire as a Soul Reaper to protect the people from evil spirits.

Miss Bellwether from Zootopia. Nothing much other than the evil sheep angle.

Superman in the Injustice video game revolves around the Man of Steel losing his wife to the Joker and then killing the clown. Like Chirin, Superman ends up becoming a feared and darker shadow of his former self. But at least he redeems.

Arya Stark from A Song of Ice and Fire, although I think she's more like Thorfinn in the sense of losing their favorite parent and being raised by that parent's killer.

Yona of the Dawn also begins with a protagonist being thrown from her carefree life into the harsh reality.

Any other comparisons?

#Chirin's Bell #Anakin Skywalker #Elphaba Thropp #Eren Yeager #Bruce Wayne #Batman #Inigo Montoya #Ken Amada #Jack Marston #Hope Estheim #Ichigo Kurosaki #Dawn Bellwether #Arya Stark #Yona of the Dawn

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necroangelz · 2 months

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bored, so gunna do yur ask game... 💌 and/or 🫀 pwease.^⁠_⁠^^⁠_⁠^ hru today btw! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

help this has been in my inbox for a few days oops im so sorry... i drafted up the first half of this post last friday but i forgot to continue it and i had no energy... anyways

as of right now i havent been that great, my mood swings r going crazy and im stressed over a test tomorrow, although i did a lot of thrifting on friday and saturday and bought lots of nice stuff! i'll post my entire .. "thrifting haul" when i feel like it...

emoji answers below! i decided to answer both. my answer for the heart emoji is very... long.......... but what do uu expect from an infodump?

『 💌 』

a quote or song lyric

muse just realized on muses pinned post it says "song" instead of "song lyric" erm... it's supposed to be song lyric help anyway

“ Come then, and let us pass a leisure hour in storytelling, and our story shall be the education of our heroes. ” -Plato, Republic Book II

wow, look at the intellectual internet angel, quoting Plato /s the quote is also referenced in the secret history by Donna Tartt (hir latest obsession) at the very beginning of the book ^_^ shi doesn't really know what to say, shi just really really likes this quote! shi likes very grand lines like this—the way that a simple leisure story can become an influence to the next generation of great heroes... there's something so alluring about it.

『 🫀 』

a game i played + an infodump

the free visual novel cemetery mary by arcadekitten! i really love cemetery mary and i can go on about it for hours, which is why i'll keep this infodump short bc i might just be typing here for hours and i wont get any sleep.

it's about a girl named mary anta (design is based on a manta ray), whose parents had mysteriously vanished without a trace one day. there's rumors of a killer in her city, called the blackwood butcher, and she suspects that her parents disappeared because of the butcher. she also texts a 'mysterious number' that claims her parents are alive and well.

she may look scary in the title screen but don't be fooled! she's a sweet and soft girl who simply has darker interests (such as the concept of death and cemeteries, as the title suggests).

here's mary hanging out with the other characters—crowven, twyla, and reginald. the player can pursue a route with any of these characters where mary will hang out with them and get closer to them. each route has a vastly different story and even genre/theme, and they lead to their own good and bad endings. i feel like it's easy to get the bad endings at first though... and they can get veeerrryyy VERY fucked up. there is also a true ending which is very entertaining and mysterious but leads to a happy ending.

i have about 42 hours in the game. yeah i got very obsessed with it... i like visual novels a lot and despite the occasional fucked up moments i enjoy CM because it's very chill and the characters are written well. and there's just something about how the game is designed that scratches my brain.

i got introduced to the game by a friend 2-ish years ago. we don't talk anymore but i liked that friend a lot... i didn't start playing CM until a few months later though

also just look at mary rn. SHE'S SO SILLY AAAHH I LOVE HER how can one not adoooreee her?????/

anyway let me just speedrun describing the 3 route characters rn

too lazy to find a better photo of him rn—this is crowven corvuson, design is based on a crow, and he's mary's cousin. except they're not blood related but they see each other as family. i don't interact with the fandom but i can imagine the discourse they would have about crowven and mary.

crowven is emo, moody, smokes weed, and has anger issues. his parents are dead. he lives together with mary. he gets up to secret business.

AAAAAHHH EHHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE this is twyla sophio, design based on an owl, this isn't her main "look" though, this is her outfit for a party. she's filthy rich, she's toxic, she's manipulative, and she's relentless to uncover the identity of the blackwood butcher. she also has some kind of rivalry with crowven (apparently it's accurate to nature where owls and crows have beef irl)

i am very very very in love with twyla in a normal way and i ship her and mary together

lastly, reginald tetra, design based on a pufferfish. this also isn't his main look, but he's so handsome here. i don't really like him that much but there's some certain scenes that make me like him...

he's your local average guy. he's so average. he's so normal. there's nothing wrong with him. i swear

he also has a littol tiny crush on mary :3 they develop a nice bond

ok thats it infodump over

#🎮﹕ press start 𝜗𝜚 ︵

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cfgodsandmonsters · 7 months

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A brief rundown of Nox and his verses!

The constants:

Nox is always trans, FtM, in his verses. It's an important aspect of his character, though it has had different impacts on his life in different verses.

His fc is always E.lliot Fl.etcher

He has top surgery scars

He's always some flavor of fox!

The verses!

MCU

Nox is a mutant who can turn into a fox! His mutation is similar in nature to Wolfsbane/Rahne Sinclair, affording him enhanced senses, a moderate healing factor, and some fox-like traits and instincts. He also has a boost to his adaptability/survival instinct.

He was born in the rural Midwest, in a small town that never really modernized. His household was a religious one, and he had already been on thin ice for claiming to be a boy, so when his mutation began to manifest? His parents took it as confirmation that he was indeed possessed by the devil himself.

He ran away, and spent most of his time as a fox for weeks, until he was picked up by Cerebro and brought to Xavier's Institute. While there he got therapy, learned to control his powers (and how to use them in a fight, which he hated), and experienced a supportive environment for the first time.

The school helped him start HRT, and later get top surgery.

He's currently in his mid-20s, and working part-time at a veterinary clinic while he takes college courses part time.

Nox is a fully trained potential member of the X-Men, but he chose not to join the team after graduation. He's not a fan of violence, and still feels like he has some finding himself to do. That said, if they call, he'll come.

Fear Street

Nox was born in what would one day become Union back in the 1600s

Desperate for a way to live as his true self, he stuck a bargain with an entity in the woods, ending his life and sacrificing his soul to be reborn.

His spirit is bound forever to the land, even as the forest itself shrank and was overtaken by first Union, then Sunnyvale and Shadyside. He walks the line between spirit and flesh, living and dead, nature and man.

If killed? He respawns back at the site of his pact. Not even death can free him from the deal he made.

The magic that made him comes from the natural world, which means unnatural things don't tend to like him. That includes the Shadyside killers.

TVD/TO

Nox is a were-fox/fox shifter with just a hint of magic

Nox was born as the latest in a long druidic bloodline. Initially his ancestors were powerful magic users, capable of taking on a wide variety of animal shapes, but as generations went by and knowledge and traditions were lost, the magic became more limited and specialized. By present day, their line have exclusively been foxes for generations.

Unaware of their true background now, Nox only knows himself as a were-fox.

His shifting isn't tied to the moon, nor is it slow and painful.

Sub-verse with @were-jer !

Nox is currently in college where he met Jeremy, a super cute woof from Mystic Falls

He's an undergrad at the moment, but wants to study veterinary medicine!

They are maybe dating? Nox at least has a crush!

More tbd!

#( info : nox )#( m. nox )#// my fox son

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